Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #481: Confidence Classic: Discover YOUR Road To SUCCESS With Mike Bayer, Life Coach & Founder-CEO At CAST Centers

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to evolve holistically   Finding & living your true purpose   Exercises to help begin trusting yourself  Strengthening your mental health  Resources: Websites: coachmikebayer.com & www.castcenters.com   Read One Decision  Join The Next Step Program Listen to Always Evolving  Email: [e-mail]  Text  [phone]  LinkedIn: @Mike Bayer Instagram & Twitter: @coachmikebayer Facebook & TikTok & Youtube: @Coach Mike Bayer Go to ConstantContact.com and start your FREE trial today. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Oracle is offering to halve your cloud bill if you switch to OCI See if you qualify at oracle.com/MONAHAN. Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN. Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553!  Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/  Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Give yourself permission to explore what life has to offer! There is NOT always a clear path when it comes to finding your purpose in life. Experimenting is OKAY, and it helps us evolve into our true selves. In order to help us start this journey into up-leveling and balancing our lives, Life Coach and CEO Mike Bayer is here to guide us. You’ll learn the 7 different areas in your life where you can keep evolving and finding NEW successes. Start believing in yourself, and TRUST the process, even when we’re NOT at the top of our game.  If You Liked This Episode You Might Also Like These Episodes: What To Do When You’re Being Blocked with Heather!  Resiliency, Creativity, & Never Settling with Mario Armstrong  Cody Rigsby, Peloton Master Instructor: The Benefits Of Being Unique

When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy, all because I use Shopify. The seven areas of your life, so your social life, your personal, your health, your education, or how you're evolving your relationships, your employment or earnings, and your spiritual development. So at any time, our scale goes up or down in terms of how we're feeling, and they all affect each other. When our health is off, it affects our social life. When our spiritual developments off, that affects how we're evolving. I think it's important that we always are simply looking at what's working for us and what can we lean into even more

and what can we improve? And the great thing is with a lot of things, they're not overalls. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's a new seat, girl.

I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do.

Meet a different guest each week. Paying on a date. Confidence created. I'm so excited for you to meet Mike Baer. He is a two-time New York Times bestselling author. And you know I'm so jealous about that. He's a TV personality and personal development coach whose mission is to help people achieve sound mental health

in order to become their best selves. Mike spent the earlier years of his career as a drug and alcohol counselor and board registered interventionist. In 2005, Mike founded Cass Centers, a leading dual diagnosis treatment center in LA. He has a highly reputable track record helping A-list, and I mean A-list celebrities heal and recover. Mike has worked in the field in a variety of capacities, including team building with corporations, keynote speaking for numerous events,

Fortune 100 companies, as well as providing creative workshops. He also has his own podcast, Always Evolving, and he is Dr. Phil's right hand. He's on Dr. Phil's advisory board and makes regular appearances on programs such as Dr. Phil, The Doctors, and Dr. Oz. Coach Mike, thanks so much for being here today.

Thanks Heather. I can't even believe I did any of that stuff, but. It's kind of amazing. Wait, people need to know though, cause I was just dying over the massive success that you have had. I mean, you are everywhere. And I love that you just shared with me that it didn't just happen overnight.

Especially in the coaching space, I found I'm a bit newer to the public life coaching, although I've been doing it for almost two decades. But no, I mean, I started off working with clients for $90 an hour and sleeping in $30 a night motel rooms and trying to getting scholarships. And I had to really work my way through the ability to figure out what was I good at, what was I not good at, which you start to learn when you help other people because sometimes in the social media world, there's this quick fix or quick pill

where suddenly you're gonna get the results overnight and it just doesn't work that way. Oh, it's so, so true. All right, so you're bringing up an interesting point that I know you cover in your new book, One Decision that I've been asked a lot about lately and I'd love to hear your take on it. How do listeners, how do people find their purpose?

You so obviously found yours. What are those strategies that you recommend for people who haven't discovered it yet? Well, you know, I think I'm one of those that I'm constantly redefining my purpose. I know everyone's different. I do know that I have a better life when I feel that I'm adding value to other people's lives, and I'm getting to be

creative. But I would say every three or four years, I go through kind of, I think I've had a midlife crisis like 20 times in my life, because it always seems to change. I went through a period of time where I didn't wanna work with celebrities anymore. And so I started going to Iraq to work with Yazidi women and open mental health clinics alone. And I thought that was my purpose. But then when I did that, I realized I couldn't raise

all the capital I needed to help these families. So then I thought, well, what if I became the brand? And then somehow I met Dr. Phil a month later and that became a rocket ship. So I think like, I love being in the trenches helping people. I've realized that I don't like to play life coach or play helper. I love the adventure of helping people feel better about themselves that don't have a big opportunity. And the whole thing with purpose is we have to be connected with other people. So it's extremely hard to, in my opinion, live in purpose, but not be out there in the real

world. I think that's where the isolation makes it highly confusing because we do this together and the adventure is together and purpose can be together. We're kind of always redefining what our purpose is. You know, I spent so many years working and make money and travel and I was on tours and it looks incredibly sexy. But now recently this year, my purpose is more in alignment with settling down and having more love in my life.

And giving yourself permission to at different times, embrace a different purpose. Yeah. And being easy on ourselves and not comparing. Because we all, our purpose is for, I assume, is to live a life that we're really proud of and happy and have peace with. So much easier said than done though, as you know, what you're dealing with every day.

Yeah, yeah, it's really difficult and it's confusing. Something that I talk about in one decision is, you know, you ever go to a party, I'm sure you have Heather, where you are like, why am I here? Maybe you got so dressed up, so excited, you thought it was going to be something you had expectations, and you're finding yourself in a conversation talking to a guy that literally is going to talk news, weather sports with you. And you enter into another conversation and somehow it's a conversation about cars

and you can give two shifts about cars. So what happens is when we're confused, like, why am I here? We have to reestablish our purpose all the time. So if we're at the party, was our purpose to show up for a friend? We'll show up harder. Was our purpose to network and market and make that purpose harder? Because as soon as we get confused about our purpose with wherever we are in life, that's when things start to create those stories. That's when we get self-centered and selfish and we lose opportunities

because purpose is throughout the day. Purpose is, well, why am I gonna go do that? If your purpose is what's in it for me, okay, then maybe you can live that way. But I find that people are having much more joy in life when they can think about what is my purpose for being here and how can I add value? Oh, that's such such good advice and that's how I try to lead every exchange is how can you add value, how can you support and help and when you lead that way in business and

in life the payoffs always end up being so much greater than you expected. Don't you agree? Oh yeah for sure. I've been interested in you talking kind of about like advertising and marketing. And do you think that that was something that was inherent in you? Or do you think that's something that you learned growing up? I'll tell you what was inherent in me was sales. I just was good at it right away

because I listened to people, I was curious. I wanted to really understand whatever their goals were. I liked problem solving. I liked helping people. So sales was definitely pretty easy for me. Advertising and marketing I had no idea about. But once you immerse yourself in anything, if you're open to failing, trial and error,

you can learn anything. And so being there for over 20 years, I was able to become an expert in that field, read all the research, read all the white papers and error, you can learn anything. And so being there for over 20 years, I was able, you know, to become an expert in that field, read all the research, read all the white papers and whatnot, and then apply what I was good to, which was sales and leading teams, you know, into creating a business. So yeah, I mean, I never had some big ambition as a kid to be a C-suite executive and advert, right? That's not the things people dream of. But I'll tell you, when I think of purpose and I look back, you know, to when I was a child, I remember I loved being on stage as a kid. And I remember one day when I was 10, someone said to me,

you know, you can't do this for a job, right? Nobody makes it in acting. And when that conversation hit me, whoever it was, you know, a teacher or the principal, I remember thinking, okay, all right, Heather, get your head straight. What can you do? Okay, maybe you could sell this or you could... And I just left that and then cut to whatever it was 40 years later. I'll never forget, I got off of really one of the largest stages I had taken at the time. And I remember feeling like magic. And when I went backstage and I was like, thank you, God, I'm this moment is everything. I just feel so joyful. I wish I could feel like

this all the time. And it hit me. Oh, my gosh, that was how I used to feel when I was a little kid, when I still believe that anything was possible. Let me ask you, because your background was in selling products, and then transitioning into selling yourself in a way, right? What was the biggest difference for you in doing that? I love how this has become your show, by the way. And I'm happy to give you the show. But so what's interesting is number one, I had been fired, right?

And I was a type A overachiever, still am my whole life. Right, like I wanna check the box. I want the star. I wanna be told what a great job I'm doing because I'm trying so hard. So getting fired for me, and I know you can relate to this, at first was like this moment of total shame, total failure.

Like I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe this is my life. And stepping into unknown because I hadn't predicted this. I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe this is my life. And stepping into unknown because I hadn't predicted this. I didn't forecast this. This wasn't my plan. So it was that moment of, I've been white knuffling everything my whole life and strong arming that I'm gonna outwork everybody.

I'm gonna make this work. I can see what it looks like in corporate America. I can climb the ladder. I can outdo the next guy to get where I wanna go. And when I made it to the top and then was kicked out, you know, unexpectedly, that was the single hardest thing for me to overcome the shame and the unknown. Number one, that that was really, that really was the hardest. But then two was after you develop a network and an expertise over a couple decades, you kind of get used to, oh yeah, don't worry, I got the solution here. Let me make a call or I can call in a favor on

this one. Now I started at ground zero. I had never written a book. I had never, you know, dove into this whole new world and I didn't know who you went to. I didn't know what the steps were and no one was handing me a magic roadmap. So that kind of unknowing and being willing to start trusting myself in the dark when I didn't know what that next step was, those were the hardest things for me. Yeah, I think any big change in life, whether it's a breakup or a loss,

or it's just the cycle we go through trying to make sense of it all and trying to see where the light is and believe in ourselves because it's really easy to believe in ourselves when we're at the, when we're riding some wave that's incredible. It's really hard to believe in ourselves when we're feeling really low, you know? and it sounds like you used it as an opportunity to believe in yourself and pivot and reinvent instead of maybe staying in the same industry, it kind of propelled you into doing what you do now. Oh no, you're making me sound way better than I have credit for. So this is something important for everybody to know if they don't know this. When I took the C-suite position,

I signed an 18 month non-compete, non-solicit. I could not go back to the industry that I had found success and had expertise in for 18 months. So for 18 months, in order to gain a paycheck and make income, and I'm a single mother, and I built quite a luxurious lifestyle with lots of bills, I had to leave and start over somewhere else as a beginner. Got it.

So that 18-month, and during that period of time, that's when you were like, let me reinvent. First of all, back then, I didn't even know what coaching was. No one was doing coaching in the media industry. You just did your job, and maybe someone would mentor you along the way, but I didn't know about coaching. So I didn't know to hire someone who had been where I was. I didn't know to hire a coach,

Mike, and say, okay, I need help building this roadmap. Anyone who's listening right now, if you are reinventing, if you are starting over, hire a coach, ask someone for the roadmap who has been where you are. It will help you accelerate so much faster. But I didn't know that. So for me, I was kind of just bumbling around saying, okay, I'm gonna try something different. I'm not publicly gonna say I work for myself for fear of embarrassment. What if ultimately I couldn't make it work and I had to go to the aviation industry and work for Delta?

You know, like I didn't know if I'd find success, even though so many people who were on my old team always say, Heather, please, of course you were gonna find success. We knew you would, but I didn't feel that way until once my first book came out, once I started landing big stages, and that was a year into it.

I kind of said, I woke up one day and I said, I'm gonna start telling people that this is what I do. And that was a scary job. And that's the thing that's never ending, kind of the evolution of growing. And there is a there's risk when you do it for yourself because there's infinite roadmaps and there's not already a roadmap that's kind of built. But there's also a lot of joy in that because you can be as creative as you want and push yourself and learn more about yourself.

And I now enjoy speaking, but for the first few years, I didn't enjoy it. It's very confusing, I believe, when we help people and we go, okay, just because it feels good doesn't mean it's right in life. You know, just because it feels good doesn't mean it's right in life. You know, just because we did something, when we feel amazing, sometimes we can make immense impacts when we are really emotional and other people can connect to those emotions.

And as you know, it's just kind of this exciting journey of figuring out your art and how do you be of service to other people and help people change their lives. And there's so many different ways to do it. Oh my gosh, when you say that, it reminds me of a shrink that I had a few years ago. I was in a relationship and I was, I definitely wasn't being treated the way that I should be. And I would complain to her about it, complain to her.

And she said to me one day, something to the effect of, you need to be willing to give up the short term gain that you're getting happiness, comfort, whatever it is that you're getting out of it that you think feels good or positive or safety or whatever, not being alone, give up that short term gain for the true long term gain that you're looking for in life. And that's how you make things better.

I have so many projects going on right now, and I help people with projects. Literally, it's almost like creating. Sometimes it's really important to set a goal, get to it, here's what I want to achieve. But also, where's the fun? Where's the creative? I'm writing my third book now.

And as you know, writing a book is a lot of work, especially in self-help. It's almost, not to say it's easier in fiction, but at least you can just make things up. In self-help, you kinda can't, if you want it to resonate with people. And so I bet you 90% of what I write doesn't make the book, but I'm writing a lot of fun stuff, you know, and it's enjoyable.

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shopify.com slash Monahan. Let's talk about goals for a minute. How are you tracking with the ones you set for your business earlier this year? Are you close? If not, do you know why you haven't hit them yet? I mean, let's be honest. It's so important to track our goals, to set goals. Goal setting is where it all happens. Taking us from where we currently are to where we know we can be. This podcast included, we've got major goals

and every day we are getting closer. You've got your end goals. Constant Contact has what it takes to help you meet them faster. No matter how experienced you are with digital marketing, Constant Contact has the tools to make your marketing run smoother. Tap email marketing that helps you create and send the perfect email to every customer. Get on your goals and realize them with Constant Contact. It's time to put the go in your 2024 business goals with email, social, SMS, and customized marketing campaigns built for you in just a few clicks. Ready, set, go to constantcontact.com and start your free trial now. Go to constantcontact.com for your free trial today. What's the new book about? Where I'm at right now is I'm really excited to help free people with resentments and disappointment

and past pain. But what I've done is I'm writing kind of through metaphors right now, like metaphors and that people see in their childhoods, because I think that's when we start to view life a certain type of way. And as adults, we never want to go back to that pain. And because this is a heavy topic, I have to figure out how to get the reader not to check out. I'm always thinking, OK, because as soon

as we start to feel too emotional by ourselves or it's too painful, we don't want to do it. So there's an art that I'm trying to create with getting people to continue because a lot of my style is exercises and the writing in the book and I'm very much into people having tangible takeaways. So this topic, I'm trying to create a lot of hope and inspiration and fun with topics that suck. You know, it sucks. But that's also what I really love helping people with. You know, I love helping people who are really depressed.

I mean, I don't want anyone to be really depressed, but I usually can get them to crack a smile or loosen up and lighten up and like get into a flow with them. And I think mental health is one of those exciting spaces where you can see such quick change in the human, you know, you where it's like almost like mental physical therapy works a lot better than the physical physical therapy. I'm excited by this. Once you put your creativity into it,

I'm sure it's going to be offering people massive solution and that payoff will be there. Yeah, and it's good for anyone to be, you know, we always talk about journaling and everyone's like, oh, the journal, it's almost like there's a saying in recovery, keep it simple, stupid. And the simple things work so well. The really basic things, putting thoughts on a piece of paper when you're struggling. If you're really angry at someone, write on the paper a letter to them that you're not going to send, but let those out and see it back and write the next day. And there's something really powerful when we can get out of this, our heads, our brains, and somehow translate it all the way down the arm by the time it hits the fingers, the

fingers hit the pen or the computer, then we lift it up and put it down and it starts to help us. And it's so basic. I mean, I journal every day now. But like, sometimes I look at my life and I'm like, Oh, my god, I'm still journaling. I'm 42. You know, I've been doing this for almost 20 years, pull it together, Mike, you know, but it's a way to be more at peace. And I want to do anything it

takes to have more peace in my life. Oh, I love that. I'm 47 and I'm just figuring this stuff out. And of course I still journal too. So do not feel that you are alone, my friend. All right, I wanna talk about some of your exercises because I agree with you so often, in self-help or personal development,

there's conversation and whatnot. But to really do the work, and I feel like I know I read somewhere that your goal is that you write these books so that ultimately people can be their own coach at the end that they don't need to be finding a coach, correct? Correct, yeah. What are your favorite exercises or give us one example

of an exercise you shared in one decision that you really get some good feedback on? Well, best self was all about creating your kind of alter ego. You know, everyone thinks about devil and angels. So I like to create who truly is your best version of self, who is your anti self. And what are all those characteristics? Because when you can add a little bit of humor to the stuff we don't like about ourselves, it helps us navigate. Because if we just say I'm depressed, and when I get depressed, I get angry and lonely and I push people away. Okay, that's one thing.

But if we give her a name and draw her out or him out, and let's say, I don't know, we call them, you know, Diana downer, and she's wearing like a horrible wig, and she draws it, it's a little more light. and she can go, I'm just being this and it's also figuring out her best self. What are all those characteristics? So a lot of stuff I do, you can do with like kids as a family. It's really helpful to see how they perceive themselves in a creative way. And then with one decision, I really love and I wrote the book because we're always one decision away from changing our life.

And I love assessments because they're very telling. How would we look at one area of our life versus another? And I find that we often find one area of our life to be that thing we need to work on, but it's not it. It's usually not it. We convince ourselves that it's it. And so I developed a bunch of exercises to help people find their blind spots

and to figure out what's really driving that thing that is keeping them from being more at peace or happier or whatever they want. And then what's one decision we could make right now? Like right now, what's one decision we could make right now? Like right now, what is one decision we could make that would help in this area? And again, keeping it simple works. And it's what I've done with clients for years.

I can in 30 minutes help people make one decision to get their income up 20% by next year. Like I know how to do this. I'm confident in it now. When you make one decision, it's almost like you're going in a whole new lane. And if it's significant, like you made the decision to pursue what you do now. It's a chain reaction. There's a lot of other decisions, but some people will make a decision to sue or get upset, or they'll go through whatever process they need to go through.

And that probably isn't going to bring them more peace. Do you see one thing being the most common hold back for people or do you see any theme that really comes first mind to you? I think insecurity is the most prevalent. Needing other people's opinions to validate self, criticism from people that don't even matter to people. It's like, that's the irony.

And just overall lack of awareness and interest. Some people really, I've worked with plenty of people, they're really, they'll say they want help, but they're not really interested in getting the help that maybe I think would be most beneficial. But also, I mean, I'm always shocked by people who can transform their lives and change for the better that don't have resources, that don't have money, that don't have the hottest body. And I've worked with plenty of people who are rich, beautiful, but that doesn't really build any sense of self esteem or self worth. It's like a drug. Attention is like a drug.

That's why people will do whatever they can to get attention. But for themselves, I've found, unless they're total narcissists to the extreme, at the end of the day, they're not really happy. People wanna be loved, truly loved. We all really wanna be loved by others. We wanna be loved by our friends,

we wanna be loved by our family, we wanna be loved by our friends. We want to be loved by our family. We want to be loved by our kids. We want to give love. And that's what people really crave, I think. Oh, for sure. And what are the things that you ask these people to do when you're working with them and they are so focused or obsessed or addicted to, you know,

these outside opinions or this attention from other people? And how do you get them to get beyond that? Well, I create a lot of exercises or ask questions. So I depends on who it is, but normally I'll say well When was you know the last it gave me the last time you had a moment where you felt completely at peace that wasn't contingent on other people's opinion and usually everyone can tap into, oh, I was eating oatmeal in my backyard,

or I was talking to my friend Susie, or it's nothing to do with these huge achievements, or even the people I've worked with who've had, no one I've worked with has said, oh, they got to perform at the biggest show in town and got so much recognition and that was the moment they had the most peace. No one has ever said that.

So I like to help people figure out how life has had these moments for them where they weren't doing much but they felt a presence inside themselves like, I'm digging this life. This is cool. This is magical. Wow. You know, and helping people continually tap into that part of themselves, because it can really start to get rusty. And it's how do you bring light? How do you bring more of that in? What do we need to do? Is it a priority? Why is that going to be the priority number 50,

and priority number one is blank? Do you want it to be a priority? Do you want to really do what's going to bring you peace? And it's hard. You know, it's extremely hard when life starts to get good. It's hard when we think, oh, that didn't work. But we have to continually work that muscle. We're not taught any of this stuff in school. Sadly. Yeah, sadly. Like, there's none of this is taught in school. We had no choice what families we were born into. And we end up later in life at different moments going, how the hell did I end up here? And I'm more, I'm always focused on the people who don't really love themselves or like themselves, because if someone's really happy in their life, typically, I mean, I've worked with a lot of people

and help them make more money, who are pretty happy in their lives, you know, I've done a lot of work with executives and stuff, but usually people are coming to me because they're suffering and they've tried many things and they just are like, I don't I'm so frustrated. I don't know how to change this part of me. What do you see as the common or biggest issue with people who can't make more money and seem happy in their life? What is their challenge?

I think there's a few. So I think there's a category of people that are delusional. And what I mean by that is they didn't learn from their mistakes and get humility. And they don't ask for help. This category that's, I'm going to go make this, you'll see it, they're all over the crypto world. And, you know, they're always in these new scenes and this new pill or this new, they're probably into the goji berry 10 years ago or whatever, right? Whatever these trends are. But I think asking for help is something most people don't want to do, even though we all

know it is a joy to help other people when we're not put out. It's a joy to mentor other people. So if you ask other people, hey, how'd you do this? Like if someone reached out to me and said, Mike, how did you get to where you got to? And like, I'd love to pick your brain. That's very different than saying, Mike, can you give me an introduction to Dr. Phil? And can you read my book? And can you write the forward? By the way, that's the majority of what I'm hit up. I'm talking about people who like one help growing their business. It's almost like it can't happen organically that way. And asking for help is always one issue I find that gets in the way.

The other is not researching what they're getting into. Partnerships, partnerships can be deadly and detrimental and stressful. And of course there's a lot of momentum when things are going well. I've seen more partnerships work with husbands and wives than I've seen with friends. And I'm talking childhood friends

because everyone gets really excited, there's entrepreneurship, but then you're in this marriage of shorts and it affects your livelihood. I think also starting small. And then when people are trying to make millions, like, you know, I've had people where they're, you know, wanting to go from seven figures to eight figures, right? Like that's a different set of issues.

You know, usually that's more about what can they leverage? What is their skill set? How can they get partnerships? And that's just like a different... Those are luxury problems, right? When someone wants to make $10 million. First world problems. Yeah, a year of those first world problems. And giving that people don't prioritize, you

know, there's, there's no, unfortunately, you're competing. And when I say competing, sure, we're, we are competing with ourselves and being better. And we don't want to become workaholics. But at the same time, on that Saturday night, when the weekend comes up this weekend, I don't want to have to sit and write. I want to go wherever. I want to go on a vacation.

I could afford, I have amex points. I could go off somewhere. But if I want to deliver something great and get paid and help people, I need to dedicate the time to write a book on a weekend, even though that's not what I wanted to. And so I think the other part is for people to realize just they think I worked for another company. I had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do.

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Our listeners get 15% off your first order when you use code CONFIDENCE15 at checkout. That's 15% off your first order at j-e-n-n-i-k-a-y-n-e dot com. Promo code CONFIDENCE15. Let getting dressed be one less thing to worry about. Confidence creator, I ask you to try to find your passion. You touched on so many amazing things. I wanna bring up again and just highlight the partnership issue that you brought up.

It's interesting, twice in the past couple of months, I've had two very dear friends of mine, both in very successful companies come to me and disclose they're in a legal battle with partners. And to your point, each one of them are childhood friends and it's ugly, really ugly. And they're both on the end side of it, they don't wanna talk about it publicly.

They're really disappointed, embarrassed that they look beyond what the problem was because they feel like had they really stopped and looked at it from a business standpoint, they would have never entered into it to begin with. Yeah, I mean, it's so tricky, isn't it? Because we feel like we need someone else, that we don't have that ability. But that's what friends are for with advice. That's what mentoring's for. That's what calling the friend who's an attorney to do a look over, calling the friend who

has had successful businesses, giving you that HR packet. I find that a lot of people get into partnerships. The divorce rate's about 50% in the US. I have to imagine the partnership dissolve rate is higher than that because it is just really difficult to unless there's silent partners or there's an amazing dynamic. I see a lot of challenges there. Okay, you brought up another point that I just had an epiphany on for myself and you were talking about self-awareness.

I believe this is so funny and humbling, but I believe I'm incredibly self-aware because I've done so much work the last decade on making this an issue. I remember when I got divorced, I was 33 and I said, how did I get here? I am deconstructing myself. I'm going to go all in and figure out what did I do to own this? Anyhow, fast forward to I'm on board of directors of a company. My CFO called me and said, I need you to jump on a call with the CEO and walk through the situation that's going on.

And I said, okay, yeah, I got it. I get on the call. I think I'm being, I have a tendency to be aggressive and very direct. I know that. So I was trying to be very even keeled and calm because I don't have a strong personal relationship with the CEO. We've only worked together for a year and a half. And so in my self-awareness, I believed I was very even-keeled and calm, yet made my

point. Cut to a day later, I'm back on the phone with the CFO, who I'm a lot closer to, I've known longer and whatnot. And I said, listen, I just want to let you know, I was very even-keeled. I was not abrasive. I have a tendency to be that way. And he starts laughing. And I said, what's funny? And he said, you are so incredibly not self-aware. And it was so interesting, Mike, because I haven't had anyone say this to me in years. And I said, what do you mean? He said, I knew how you'd handle it. That's why I called you because I

wanted that outcome. I knew you'd go in there and it worked. You went in there, you were incredibly direct, you were a bit aggressive, you made your point immediately. And we laughed and whatnot. And I hung up and I did have to reflect and say, I still thought that I was being subware. However, to your point, we're always evolving, changing. Maybe this is that next layer that I need to dig into that when I am triggered by something

or passionate about something, I forget how I'm handling myself. I think we always are learning more and more. I have a bunch of, I think seven therapists working for me at the center that I'm the CEO of. And it is similar. I find, so my challenge today is I end up beating myself up with managing employees,

not necessarily because I want them to like me, but because I want to have a positive impact and I want to show up as my best self leading them. And again, if we get really comfortable, like you're saying, and not look at how we can improve, we kind of become those people that then it starts affecting our personal lives. We may start to have inauthentic through lines throughout our life, because I work with this person and over here with that person. And I think it's allowing yourself the room to realize, yeah, I'm, I'm always

trying to get better at what I can do. How fun what instead of it being, oh man, I didn't do this right. It can be, oh wow, I get to do this right. I get to learn more. I get to change. I get to question myself if I'm being too bossy or maybe that guy's too passive, whatever, you know. I question myself if I'm being too bossy or maybe that guy's too passive, whatever. That reminds me of your exercise that I did, the Spears exercise. And one of the elements in there was around education. And that really made me think when I was reading

and assessing my situation for a long time, I was not really tasking myself to learn or read certain books or what I am now. Ever since I got fired, this is a part of what I do every day, which is so exciting because I never thought that way back when I was in corporate America. But I found that exercise to be really impactful.

Yes. That's an exercise looking at the seven areas of your life. Your social life, your personal, your health, your education or how you're evolving, your relationships, your employment or earnings and your spiritual development. So at any time our scale goes up or down in terms of how we're feeling and they all affect each other. When our health is off, it affects our social life. When our spiritual developments off that affects,, that affects how we're evolving. I think it's important that we

always are simply looking at what's working for us and what can we lean into even more and what can we improve. And the great thing is with a lot of things, they're not overhauls. For example, if we're, let's say we're not evolving that much in our life, there's no need to pick up a book, you're now at a good score. It's not that hard. But next to my bed, I have the four agreements, right?

Which in my head, I'm thinking, Mike, shouldn't you by now be reading the most sophisticated, cutting edge, new book no one's heard of that has this, no, I'm trying to keep it really simple and go back to the basics. And there's a reason why things work in culture is because usually there's a lot of good messages. I love the work that you're doing.

I love the joy that you bring to life. I mean, I can just feel it right now being here with you. I'm so appreciative for you making the time to be here. How can everybody get one decision? How can they connect with you? Sure, yeah. And I appreciate, you know, Gina made the introduction to us and I'm gonna have you out on my podcast

when you're in LA and Coach Mike Baer, like the Asprin Coach Mike, B-A-Y-E-R on all social media. And the book is available at Amazon or wherever books are sold. So it's one decision and you got to check it out. Mike, thank you to everybody listening. Go check out Mike stuff. You will not regret it.

Keep creating your confidence. We'll see you next week. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. change that dynamic I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear start learning and growing inevitably something will happen

no one succeeds alone you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it I'm on this journey with me