Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #489: Your WORTH, Your RULES: How to Set Boundaries & ATTRACT the Right Person with Niko Emanuilidis, Founder of The Daddy Academy

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Protect your ENERGY by prioritizing what feels RIGHT for you. Choose relationships that UPLIFT and INSPIRE you. ALIGN your actions with your values and the connections you want to create. Lean into your BEST qualities and let your authenticity SHINE. Trust that the right person will bring out your BEST SELF effortlessly. Resources: Subscribe and listen to The Daddy Academy starting this February Join The Daddy Academy TikTok: @thedaddyacademy  Instagram: @​​nikoeman Get 10% off your first Mitopure order at timeline.com/CONFIDENCE. Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Cancel unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at RocketMoney.com/CONFIDENCE. Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553!  Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/  Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book, Confidence Creator Show Notes:  What if the secret to finding genuine love isn’t about doing more but doing less—and doing it with INTENTION? My conversation with Niko Emanuilidis reminded me that setting boundaries and knowing your WORTH aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re essential for building something REAL. It’s not about playing games—it’s about creating the freedom for AUTHENTIC love to grow. SLOW DOWN. Protect your energy. The right person will see your VALUE and put in the effort to meet you there. Niko’s advice? Prioritize high-interest connections and release the lukewarm ones. This is your chance to EMBRACE your POWER, lean into your authenticity, and attract the love you DESERVE. Are you ready to make the SHIFT? If You Liked This Episode, You Might Also Like These Episodes: #427: How To Bounce Back When Things Don’t Go As Planned with Heather! #425: The Secret To Leaving When You Aren't Valued with Heather! #421: GO For It: Shattering Limits in Life & Business with Heather!

Love takes time. Seeing him every other day and talking all day long can't make that process happen faster. It takes time for that to happen. And a man who's after quick and casual doesn't want to put in that time. Men who are seriously dating are willing to put in that time because the most valuable thing we have is time. The guy who's meant for you who wants to be with you won't mind going slower because he sees the big picture. He sees your value. Right when he met you, this is a girlfriend material.

Like, I want to push this towards there. And he will be willing to put in that work to get there. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited you're back with me this week.

Okay, this is an interesting episode. By the way, not my choice. So I'm out at dinner the other night with a bunch of girlfriends. And one of my girlfriends, of course, we're always talking about the podcast. And when my girlfriend says, oh my gosh, you have to interview this guy. And the internet is a huge place, as we all know. And I said, I don't know who this guy is. So I start following this guy.

Well, he's here today. And you're going to see why I'm super excited for this episode. Okay, today we've got Nico Emmanuel Lides, better known as the Daddy Academy. How did I not know about this? Has quickly become a trusted voice in the world of dating and relationships. We all know I need that in my life. Over the past year, he's connected with thousands of people on social media, discussing the chaotic and often confusing landscape of modern romance.

I am here for that. With a mission to simplify the dating world, Niko is dedicated to empowering individuals to take control of their love lives through humor, love that, candid insights, and down-to-earth approach. He's created a space where people can laugh about the ups and downs of romance while learning practical tips and strategies to succeed. He is so direct and pretty funny. Nico's unique perspective has garnered attention from major media outlets,

including New York Post feature story, appearance on popular podcast like this one right here. Girls Got to Eat. Now with his upcoming podcast set to launch in February 2025. Get ready for it, ladies. He's bringing even more of his expertise to a wider audience, ready to dive deeper into the world of dating and relationships. Nico, thank you so much for being here today.

Of course. What an intro. For anyone who doesn't have the video on this, you've got to go watch it because Nico's cracking me up. He's like, do I sound good? He sounds amazing. And he's holding a mic. he's getting up to give a stand-up comedy like he's Kevin Hart.

I'm ready to break into song whenever you need, you know, I'm ready. Do you sing? I do. I mean, see, that's why I have the handheld mic. I'm in a band. I've been a musician my whole life. So, yeah, that's why I got the handheld. Oh my gosh.

All right. Yeah, so let's do this. As I mentioned, that was all true story. What I just shared, I had never heard of you, which now I follow you, obviously, on social media. I love your content. It's so direct, super engaging. I just love how you, like, you knock it right to people.

I love how direct you are. can you give us some backstory? Like, how did you come to be this person in the dating world? It sounds such like a bizarre thing to me. Yeah, no, it's a great question. So I think it's sort of parallels with my own journey as a man, you know. So let's rewind 15 years or so, you know, getting into college. And I was always a charismatic person.

I was class clown in high school. So like I was, I was, you're not supposed to say that you're charismatic about yourself. No, but like, you know, these are my, these are my, these are my. These are my skill sets. But the point is I wasn't good with women. Like I really wasn't. I was always asking my friends for advice.

And because I was like, why am I not getting this? There's something I'm not getting. So at that time, I'm talking, I don't know, maybe 2011 or so, something like that. I started watching content creators at that time in the dating space and learning like, what am I doing wrong here? Like there is a skill to this. There's a skill to being attractive and tapping into your inner confidence. and being attractive.

And just through my own, like I said, self-help journey, becoming a man, discovering myself, like really growing, I started to realize, like, oh, wow, like, I'm pretty good at this. And a lot of people just kind of naturally always gravitated to me for advice throughout the years. And I've always wanted a platform where I was helping people, coaching people, inspiring people. And it just kind of took me a while to really launch it. And about a year and a half ago or so, maybe like two years ago at this point, I'm not,

I launched the page, the Daddy Academy, which was just like an inside joke, the name of the page, between me and my friends. Like, I was just send funny videos to my friends, just kind of trying to inspire them to hit the gym and stuff like that. I'm like, come on, Daddy Academy, let's get going. So I started posting videos. And it was for the first, like six months or so slow as it typically is on social media. And then one day, because I was only talking towards men. I was like my focus was, I want to help men like me who were a little lost.

trying to find themselves and get that inner confidence. And I was trying to coach men. But as you might know on the internet, when it comes to men, dating advice, you typically see just a lot of toxic masculinity. And I was talking about very, you know, positive self-help kind of stuff. So it wasn't really hitting. And someone mentioned to me like, why don't you make a video talking about men but for women?

And I'm like, that's a pretty good idea. I have a younger sister. I've helped her and her friends count for years with dating advice. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that makes sense because, essentially, essentially giving advice to women from where I'm at and through my experience is just flipping the cap around and giving sort of the opposite sort of perspective. So I made a video of what it means to have daddy energy, as my page is called. And it went viral overnight, got like 30,000 followers in a day. And I just kind of kept answering the questions. And it's all women, women, women. I'm like, well, you know, there's there's a need in this space that I just kind of naturally stepped into. And who am I to fight it? women want the man dating coach and they want me to be a women's dating coach for the most, but I still coached with some men, but primarily it's women. So I'm like, I'm going to keep rolling with it.

And I love it. It's been great. It's been amazing. And that's sort of, you know, a year later and that's kind of where we are today. So interesting business lesson that you just highlighted for everybody and this is applicable to any business. You know, you stepped into one frame or mindset of what this business potentially could be for you, who you were going to serve and what you were going to do.

However, you weren't getting the results that you had, hope for or wanted. Someone suggests trying a pivot. You try not knowing what can happen. I mean, obviously nothing could have happened, right? But then when you see the results, it's just like those breadcrums showing you, this is the path you're meant to be on. And, you know, organically or naturally, you're able to pivot the business. So that kudos to you for like having so many people are risk adverse and don't want to, well, I can't stray from my original plan. That's not my business. How are you able to say like, okay, wait a minute, I can be open-minded to this? That's great. I love that you're talking about it from a business perspective as well.

I think when it comes to that, it's always about following the passion. And if you're not tapping into that like inner soul purpose of the passion and why you want to do something, it's going to feel like you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and it's not going to fit. And you're not going to wake up with that, you know, that inspiration every morning to do it. And I saw the need. I saw the people that needed my help and I see the reaction to people who I have helped. And I love that. And whether I'm helping men or women, I equally found that same gratification in it.

So I made the pivot and it went great and it inspired me even more to realize, oh, wow, like, there was this need here that I could really step in and be a really important voice in this space. And I'm going to do it. And I think it's because I never set out to be a woman's coach, which is why it has worked so well because I didn't like try to be like, oh yeah, I'm going to try to give women all this mandating advice. It just naturally happened, which I think sometimes if you just follow your purpose and like I keep saying, like your passion and what you're drawn to and wanting to do for others, like there's always like, okay, we all want to make money.

We all want to do this and that. But ultimately, our purpose here is to serve other people. And through doing that, that's where you get true happiness. I'm sure you know, you probably talk about this a lot. And I just started doing that. And it's true. You know, it's just the success follows. And it's been great.

Okay, so tell me a little bit about your perspective on this because I know a lot of people listening have these thoughts. You're thinking about getting into this dating, coaching, social media thing. Someone's going to say to you, wait a minute, you're way too late to the game. Like, no, that area is, there's too many people doing that. I'm sure people said that to you. How are you able to manage that negativity or people telling you that you're not able to create a business out of something that you feel like you want to do? That's a really good question as well. You're great with these questions.

I love it. Nico, we've been doing this for a few years. You know, I think, I think first things first, you need to look at your natural God-given skill set, right? Like I was telling you earlier, I always knew I was a great communicator, charismatic. I'm good at inspiring and helping people. Like, I just always knew that about myself. And I always knew that I have really good morals and really good intentions. So that was something that I've always known about myself, my ability to communicate effectively and help.

people. I also, years in the past, I was a basketball coach. So I was always used to, like, and girls basketball, funny enough. So I was always talking and inspiring groups of people. So I always knew deep down that this is something that's meant for me, which is why, like, it's sort of just very naturally translated to a topic that I was really passionate about. And I think, you know, there's so many people out there on the internet. You might think that, oh, my God, there's so many different people doing the same thing as me. How could I stand out? And, you know, you stand out by being you. If you try to be somebody else, you're going to be just like somebody else.

You have to do it your way. Like Sinatra said they got the mic, I might as well just sing it. You got to do it your way and be authentic to who you are, know your skill sets, know what you're passionate about. And if you follow that and you implement the hard work as far as, you know, you got to post every single day. You want to start a business. You want to be famous.

You got to post every single day. And, you know, there's going to be days. you don't want to do it. You got to do it anyway because you know why? It's not going to happen if you don't do it. No one's going to come pick you up and say, oh my God, you're the next, I'm going to give you a million dollars. You're the next famous superstar. It's like, no, you have to put in the work even on days when you don't want to. And trust me, there are days where I'm like, maybe I'm not feeling a hundred percent. I'm a little down or whatnot. And I'm like, you know what? I got to still, I still got to do what I got to do today. It's all about, you know, you got to take care of

yourself as well. If you're feeling burned out, you got to put that energy back into yourself because you can't help people if you're not feeling, you know, 100%, but more or less, it's just like anything. Like, it's not going to happen unless you put the effort in to make it happen. And, you know, the world's huge as a lot of people out there. So there's space for everyone to be successful and make money. So true. Yeah, I'm with you on that one.

All right. So don't you think to your point of like those days that, you know, you and I do different things, but it's similar in that we're helping people, there's days where if you're not feeling it and you wake up and you're like, I don't want to go on camera. or I don't want to have to create content right now, the minute you actually just make it about the person and go to help somebody, and then you get that note back.

And then all of a sudden you're like flying high. This is when I feel like you know you're in the right business that to me that is like the greatest gift, the best way can ever take myself out of funk is stop making it about me and like make it about helping one person. It doesn't even matter who it is. It's like go target one person that I can potentially help. And then when you do, you feel like so alive.

Exactly. Because, I mean, we all have our egos. We all have our goals. And once you start making about me, me, me, you kind of just start to overthink. I'm reading all these different books about thinking the power of now, overthinking, all these different things. I'm like, you have to present moment, just like you said, you're helping one person. If you're talking to the camera, you're helping that one person.

If you're on a coaching call, you're helping that one person. And taking that emphasis off of me, me, me, put it on them. What could I do for this one person? How can I spread positivity, love, good energy? And when you focus on that, yeah, once you get started, the hardest part is literally, let's say you have to film a video, is the getting up, putting the camera up and starting it. Because once you get rolling, if this, like you said, it's what you're meant to be doing, it just starts to flow naturally.

And then you get into the state where you're like, oh, okay, like I'm kind of in it now. And then it just flows. But I agree with you. You're totally right. Okay. So let's talk a little bit about because I find this so interesting and your content is so interesting. I think your content's really, really good.

I was surprised. As I said, I was sitting there at dinner and all of these women that I'm with all know about you. And then randomly I'm getting my hair done today and my hairdresser knows. And I'm like, oh, my God. I love it. Well, now I know, Nico. But it was just so interesting. Like, wow, you know, the internet's so big that you could miss somebody.

Okay. So I have all these people in my life that are big fans of yours. I'm so curious to understand what have you learned about women or like what are the common issues that you see that are happening with women through the work that you're doing. See, it's so funny because every person's situation is so nuanced and different, and yet it's really all the same at the same time. I think one of the biggest problems that I talk about a lot because, you know, we don't care about someone we went on a date with and it was like, okay, that's not who we care about. We care about making it work with the one person that we meet and there's the spark, right? Because when you meet somebody and you feel that spark, what tends to happen is you want to.

want to see this person, you want to see this person, you want to talk to this person. And I think where a lot of people sort of mess up is they go too hot and heavy, too quick. I make a lot of videos about this. A fast-paced relationship from when I mean like you're texting all day long, you're talking on the phone, you're seeing him Wednesday, Saturday, Tuesday. It's just off the bat. It's the intensity is all the way at the top. That pace only benefits men.

because a man can get so much out of a relationship. If that's the speed in two weeks to a month, then a woman can. Because odds are you're building that super strong connection. You're going to be more likely to be intimate. You might get intimate. And he's playing house essentially. He's playing girlfriend for the month. He'll take you on a trip maybe.

He'll take you here, take you there because men love spending their money, doing cool things with beautiful women. Why wouldn't they? That's the point of making money. do it. Men want to spend it on beautiful women. So they'll push the pace. I would say like he gets the hooks in. And then after a month after he's kind of gotten bored, he's like, all right, well, kind of on to the next one now. And that happens a lot. And a lot of people will say to me, well, Nico, like, no, if I feel like it's meant for me, like why do I have to play games? It's not playing

games. It's moving a little bit slower and protecting yourself. The right man for you won't mind moving a little bit slower because I always say healthy masculine men are okay with delayed gratification, right? Men who want something out of you want it now, want it now, fast, fast, fast. So if a man is willing to pursue you, one date, I always say like one date per week for the first month, and then after that point, you could pick it up to twice a week. And then the communication, it should always be a positive upwards trajectory. When people jump into, we're talking all day long phone calls, phone calls. You can't keep the engine running at 90% all the time. It's going to go down. And once it starts to go down, that's when you're going to get anxious and you're going to start

spiraling. And then you start wondering, what is he doing? Does he like me anymore? And then maybe he pulls back even more. Oh my God, oh my God. Then he comes back. Oh, yeah, he loves me again. And it just creates this nightmare spiraling scenario when really, if you just kind of kept him his arms distance because this is a stranger, you don't know this person yet. Keep him at arms distance. over time because you can't expedite love. Love takes time. So until enough time has gone by, you wouldn't know the answer to that anyway. Seeing him every other day and talking all day long can't make that process happen faster. It takes time for that to happen. And a man who's after quick and casual doesn't want to put in that time. Men who are seriously dating are willing to put

in that time because the most valuable thing we have is time. So a guy who's after casual wants to maximize everything he can get out of you out of the shortest period of time possible. And the guy who's meant for you who wants to be with you won't mind going slower because he sees the big picture. He sees your value. Right when he met you, this is a girlfriend material. Like, I want to push this towards there. And he will be willing to put in that work to get there.

So I take that, it's a long answer. But that is my biggest thing. One of the biggest problems I see in dating is this, oh my God, we have a connection. I have to act on it. We have to see you every day. Talk all day long. I'll talk to slow it down, slow it down, because honestly, it's more attractive if you're a little bit harder to get, a little bit aloof, a little bit, a little mysterious.

You're not super, super available. It's more attractive anyway. And you've learned if you like somebody, like I said, threw that space apart. Do you miss the person? All right, so that's great. That's a good sign. But if you're seeing them every other day, you don't know if you could even miss somebody. So slowing down that pace and controlling that anxious sort of looping thoughts and, you know,

behaviors in yourself is probably one of the bigger problems that I see when people meet somebody who they're crazy about. When you want more, start your business with Northwest Registered Agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. All in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest Registered Agents has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They are the largest registered agent and LLC service in the U.S. with over 1,500 corporate

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And you know what's interesting. I feel like I'm the antithesis of most women. Like I'm super busy. And for whatever own issues that I have in my life, I feel like the other way. Like I pull away. If somebody starts messaging me a lot, I'm like, what the hell? They have nothing going on their life. like that's very unattractive to me.

Right. I'm like, oh my gosh. Like it's the first blonde hair, blue eye girl you meant in your life. Like, get over it. So I pull away from people, which is not nice either because I hear like that's cold and like, you know, you're too busy for everybody. So it's a weird thing. And you've got to hear this from people like because it gets in your head of like,

what's actually real? What am I actually? Maybe I'm avoiding something by being busy with. Like so you have to figure out your own self-awareness and like your own issues, right? And then you go back to the dating world and you're like, and everyone else has their own issues and their own BS going on and there's all this advice coming at you. So you're saying, okay, I want to show up as that real version of me.

I don't want to play games anymore. Like I just want to be myself. However, to your point, there are games being played on the other end. So like how do you find that happy medium? Yeah. So when I use the word game, like playing games and then there's game. Game is the understanding of attraction. Women have game.

Men have game. Do you understand how to be the most attractive? version of yourself, do you know what the other, the opposite sex finds attractive? So that's first and foremost. Playing games is using that knowledge to manipulate. We don't want somebody who's playing games. We want everyone to understand game and understand just, you know, human psychology to a baseline level. I'm not a doctor. But like there's an understanding of this. And just like I was saying before, it's the being a little mysterious, not being super easy to contact all the time. And this, it's not playing games. It's understanding like the proper space and flow of how

to slowly build a relationship. This is on both the man and the woman. So it's kind of hard to be like, this is all on the woman because if a guy's not doing it and not showing up in that way, it's not going to work. But when I talk about like how a healthy masculine man sort of goes about the courting stages, exactly like to your point where you're like, I pull away if a guy's doing too much, which you should because that is needy energy, needy behavior. And since you're extremely securing yourself, you don't, like, that repels you. Like, they talk about nice guys. Nice guys typically give that sort of needy energy, which is not attractive. It's not attractive at all. But the reason why people, I'm going down a tangent here, but the reason why people, but the reason why

people find like, quote unquote, like, fuck boys attractive is because it's the opposite end of the spectrum where they give you no attention. So you're saying to yourself, this guy must be so busy and so cool. And this might be subconscious or conscious. This guy must be so busy and so cool. I want to be a part of his life. I want to, I want to crack the code. That's attractive. That is never going to change. That is never going to change. So as a man, how do you manufacture that attraction while also being a good guy, right? So when I talk to guys, it's not being too needy. We're not blowing women up. It's the same advice I give to men and women, but it's just sort of flipped. It's the one date per week. You're about your purpose. You're about your life. You're

about the goals. You're working on your business, whatever you have going on. And you prioritize the woman who you're serious about appropriately for where you are in the relationship. One date per week. And then you build from there where on the flip side, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's, you're important that women look at it that same exact way because it's just a healthier pace to go about it. So it's funny that my man advice and women advice, although it's different as far as the attraction, like how to kind of go about things, but the messaging as far as how to build a healthy relationship, but what that feels like is the same. Tell us about the game part about the, I guess having game, like the attraction part. I'm so curious because I've never heard someone jump

into that. I would like to hear how you... From a man's perspective or a woman's perspective? Well, give us both. So for a man, it's all dependent on the attraction level and the chemistry level, right? So let's say you and I went out, right? And it's like attraction, chemistry is at a

10, right? I, knowing that, the only way I could mess that up is if I came at you super needy, right? If you already really liked me, thought I was attractive, liked my vibe, liked my energy, the way I would mess that up with you is being too nice, too eager, all that kind of

stuff that gives you the heck immediately. For a man understanding game, it's why is that fuckboy attractive? Because he's kind of aloof, because he, all those things are bad because it's too much. But if you just reel that in like 40%, and you kind of get that 60% level, it's like, no, I'm going to be about my business, I go to the gym, but I am going to be a good guy. I'm going to communicate. I'm going to set the dates once per week. There's going to be consistent communication, not constant communication.

She's always going to know when I'm going to reach out to her. She knows when the date is. And that's a direct. It's just like that, boom, direct guy that's got his shit together. That is attractive. That is extremely attractive. And that's what I noticed when I talk to all these women. Most guys aren't moving like this.

It's either side of the spectrum. Right. And it depends on your inner work and sort of like what you gravitate towards. Some people gravitate towards love bombers. Some people gravitate towards guys who don't really show them any attention. And it's being able to acknowledge that and being like, okay, that is my pattern. My pattern is I go this way. So to fix it, I got to reel that back more to the other side, right?

I need a little bit more of a healthy balance. The healthiest people are the people who sit more in the middle, right? You have both sides to your, you've seen both sides. You know how both types of energies feel, right? and you kind of bring yourself back to center. And I think that's a really important part of it is knowing what your past pattern is. And I think as far as knowing game for women, it's sort of what I was saying earlier. It's not giving girlfriend access too quickly.

You want to remain a little mysterious, a little hard to get the prize mentality. Men love accomplishing and achieving things that are hard. I mean, at least real men do. They want to accomplish the things that are hard. So if getting you is super easy and he knows within the first few messages with you that like this girl is this woman's obsessed with me, he'll still like you because you're attractive and he wants to pursue it. But you kind of ruin a little bit of the potential magic where if you're just a little bit harder to get, I'm not talking about playing games. Just like I said, just controlling the communication and how often you're giving this man access to come see you and whatnot. you can create like a magnet effect where men are just drawn to that.

And a way to do that is kind of what you were talking about. You're busy. You're about your passions and your purpose and stuff like that. And I think that's a really helpful way to stay preoccupied. So you're not like hyper focused on, you know, men and whatnot. So there's like a, there's a balance to it. But keeping that prize mentality, but really believing it. But also part of believing is playing a little bit of fake until you make it.

So we can talk about that a little bit. But it's this balance of both. And like that mentality is attractive and naturally will have guys wanting to, quote, quote, like, win. Okay, but this is interesting to me because I, especially over the last decade, I swear, I've heard this so much like, oh, be more feminine, be kinder, be sweeter. Like that is what people say to me. And I'm like, but when something's inauthentic to you, like, a guy to your point is like sending

to your messages or like being his way, like not being considered or whatever. I'm like, pound sand, bye, you know, not interested. And my friend's like, no, no, no, no, say like, I'd appreciate if you would do it this way. We're like, whatever. So there's this tug and push back and forth between, oh, maybe I do that because people say you do that to like protect yourself because you don't really want it. You know, you're afraid to get into the situation. So how do you break that down?

How do you handle that? Yeah, I think when I talk about masculine and feminine energies and polarities, I mean, it's totally true. But we all have both within us. Like, I have masculine and feminine energy. You have masculine and feminine energy. and with the right person, it will balance out correctly. And you need a polarity for there to be a healthy attraction, a healthy relationship.

So either way, like either the guy's really masculine and you're feminine or you're really masculine and he's more in his family. There needs to be some sort of polarity there for it to work. But with the right man for you, I'm sure you've experienced this with you'll go on like 20 dates and there'll be one guy who you're just like, I feel like I'm the most feminine version of myself. I don't have to think about anything. I feel just so calm and relaxed and natural with this guy. And it's an amazing feeling. So, I mean, in today's society, I think we lack a lot of true masculine men.

And we have a lot of toxic masculine men. So it is a little bit harder to come by in that sense today. And especially if you are like a really successful woman, you are going to find, less of that because naturally our guy who's not super successful and say you're more successful than him, he's going to naturally feel the competition there and

because he doesn't make as much money as you or isn't as popular as you or whatever the case may be triggers him and leads him to either trying to take you down or you'll just get more of like this closed off feminine energy kind of from him rather than

like just owning. Okay, yeah, you're successful. Okay, well I'm I'm daddy. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? So, but that's a, it's part of a man's journey. Like that's sort of that self journey where I talk about where for guys, you got to be about your purpose. You got to make your money. You got to be on that life's path because that's where you get your true inner confidence as a man from being about fitness and just being that best version of yourself that you could be so that when you're around women, you're stepping into the most masculine version of yourself. And the masculine isn't a bad word. Feminine isn't a bad word.

right but it just depends on the context and what how you actually feel what you want to be the type of partner that you want you know we all sort of gravitate towards different types of partners and and the sort of relationship dynamic and nothing is wrong but i would say if you're feeling like you're stepping into you're always more feeling quote unquote more masculine you got to determine is it because i'm not finding the right person or am I coming into these relationships or these first dates or whatever the case may be too much in my logical mind and not sitting back

and just really focusing on like the feeling I'm getting with this person. It might not change. It might not change. But if you're going in looking for like, does you check off this box? Does you check off that box? Like what is he doing?

What is this? You're not going to, that's logical thinking. Where femininity is more just like flowing and sitting back and feeling, feeling. So there's two parts of it. it like the right person for you will have you stepping more into where you're supposed to be. But then there's also that inner work of making sure that you are showing up as the best

version of yourself and stepping into the version of yourself like polarity-wise that you want to be as well. Someone said to me, a man said to me, you need to step more into your feminine. And I was sharing it with one of my really close guy friends. I'm like, oh my gosh, listen to this conversation. What's your take on it? because I am super curious, right? Like I'm a very open-minded person.

I'm like, I want to hear because if that's something I should be doing, I want to, you know, try to do that. And my friend said to me, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, the right guy will put you in your feminine energy. So, Heather, you don't have to try. You'll just immediately be there. And he said, I know I've seen it happen with you before. He's like, so wrong guy.

And so I thought that kind of, that land is pretty true to me. What do you think about that? I think that's true. But I also think, I mean, just from talking to you right now, you are perhaps a little bit of a harder person to put in that energy, right? Like it's going to take, there's a small percentage of guys who could make you feel that way. And that's just what it is. I mean, you know, it is what it is.

And you're a very successful person and, you know, you have your own things going on and you're loving the life you live. You need a guy who's at that level to make you feel that way or just has that. has that inner confidence about himself that none of these things matter and it's just, boom, just like laser connection, chemistry, and it's almost like primal is kind of a weird word, but like sort of where none of the external factors matter. It's just the energy you're getting from this person is just like electric and you automatically sit into that polarity difference. So it's one of two things.

The other needs to be on your level or he just needs to be a guy who just instinctually is just naturally in that sort of masculine energy and it puts you right into your feminine very easily. It's so true. And, you know, I look back on past relationships to some of the things that you're saying. And when you're with somebody, because of course you can still fall for different people

who maybe don't have those traits that you just... Totally, totally. But in the end, that issue will arise and become clear. And when I look back, insecurity would end up bubbling up in those relationships in the man, even though there was like a great connection and love and you know, he fell in love.

But I would see over time, oh my gosh, he's not becoming a stronger version of himself. I'm actually seeing that he was not as strong as I thought he was. And it wasn't for anything like nothing back that point. There was no cheating lying, nothing like that. It was just I saw over time. Wow, this is really starting to reveal he is not secure in himself or in this relationship. Question for you. How long into the relationship did you start seeing that?

Probably, you know, within the first two months. Yeah. Okay, so I usually say this is why I also talk about waiting a little bit longer, slower pace, because a man can't hide who he is forever. It's going to come out. So if you get super locked into this relationship with this guy after just a few weeks or a month, you're going to develop an empathy and this connection to a person who might not be right for you. And only time will tell that. So then a few months go by, like you said, because you are probably really good at that, you were able to see. This guy is not who he said he was.

where other people, if they were super locked into that relationship, they'll get to that point and they'll go, he's acting a little weird, but that must be because I'm not doing something. I need to help fix it, like that people pleaser mentality, right? I mean, why is he pulling away? Why is he acting weird?

I have to fix it, right? So the slower speed and observing over time, you're allowing your emotions the chance to kind of like go at the same pace as your logical mind instead of letting emotions go and then having the logical kind of keep up. So this plays exactly into my point of a man can't hide who he is forever. You'll see this around. I would say the sort of the times we start to see who the person really is by three months.

Because I say by three months, you should be boyfriend and girlfriend. So like by three months. And then I would say between six and eight months is when you get your real true dose of like, okay, I have a really pretty good understanding who this person is now. and then by like a year, year and a half, you know the person. And then obviously from there, you kind of just get closer. But by three months, you should know enough about the person where you're like, okay, I'm ready to be in this relationship.

Okay, so you just made me think of something super interesting. It just hit me right between the eyes. When you said three months till you're in a boyfriend, girlfriend, situation, interesting, and I can't wait to hear your opinion on this. Yeah. What factor does age play into that? Because immediately I have one girlfriend who's in her early 30s. She will not, if somebody hasn't made her the girlfriend within three weeks or four weeks, I forget, they're fired.

They're gone and she's on to the next one. Then there's someone like me. I'm like, what? You know, who's like that? So how much of an issue is your actual age in determining and those things being a problem or not? So I would actually see it as the opposite. I think the older you are, I would be okay with the title happening sooner. 30 years old, not boyfriend or girlfriend by three weeks, that's not good.

I would say that's not good. But I do always say this, by that month mark, so let's say somewhere between three to five dates, right? You both should feel like you'll know with the right person like this is probably a relationship. Like we're heading towards there. So you're going to feel like really secure and you should feel really secure with the right person that, you know, we're still early. We're still getting to know each other. but this feels like probably my person or someone I will most likely be in a relationship with. And you won't be wondering.

So if your friend kept bouncing really early, that's because there were some inconsistencies of something that wasn't, she wasn't feeling confident in the way things were going. And she maybe just has a tendency to bounce a little bit early. I mean, I don't know the scenarios. No, I think for women, and this is just my girlfriends, but for the women that I know in their early 30s, it's about they want a baby. so the pressure to have a baby is real. I hear it.

I hear it every single day, but like I said, you can't expedite the process of love. You can't. There's no way to make it move faster. If there's a connection, great, it's still going to take X amount of time

for that connection to turn into a serious relationship. You can't expedite it. So. No, you're absolutely right. You have to give it the time. All right. So I want to ask your opinion on this. What about breakups and what advice do you give people

to overcome breakups faster? Because I know myself, I know others that when you go down the rabbit hole of heartbreak, it's hard to bounce back quickly. So that's a really good question. I mean, I think you need to first things first get to a place in your life where you would say, more or less, I would be just as happy, single or in a relationship. And that might sound like a little harsh and a little like kind of weird. But if you're not able to say that and obviously after a breakup, you're going to be upset.

Okay, so that month after a breakup, literally cry every single day all day long. Cry as much as you need to cry, attack the feelings head on and get it all out. Get it all out because after that, you should be so happy about the possibilities moving forward. It's a new era of your life. I don't know if you like Tony Robbins, but I love Tony Robbins. Your life is the life you focus on. So if you're focused on the negative, oh, my God, we broke up.

This is wrong. I'm not going to find somebody else. You're just going to stay miserable, right? focusing on the positive and this new chapter that you might be entering into, that's going to be super empowering. And, you know, I talk all about just like just empowering yourself and finding that inner confidence and self-esteem. But breakups are hard. They're always going to be hard. They're never easy.

But I would say even if you are in a relationship now and maybe you think it's might getting a little rocky or whatnot, start to try to find like the essence of who you were prior to that because realistically you shouldn't have really lost anything. But the right person, you're never going to lose who you are to be in a relationship or somebody. If you feel like you are not the same person that you were, that's a big red flag of my opinion. You should be a better version of that self, right? So you just need to get to a place where you could say that I would be just as happy and believe it.

And like I said, sometimes it's a fake until you make it. I am going to be just as happy, single as it wasn't a relationship. I don't need somebody else to make me happy. I don't need somebody else. happiness comes from within. You're in control of that, really. So your outlook on life and what you're looking at. Are we going to grieve a loss of somebody?

Of course, like, you know, it goes without saying you're, of course, going to be upset that this person you've been in a relationship for a few years breaks up with you. But after that initial grief pass, it's time to move forward because looking back, what's that going to do, you know, unless you're constructively looking back and being like, okay, how could I do things different? Tell us if somebody's in a relationship and they're wondering if they should break up, what is the advice that you have when how does someone know when it is the time to leave a relationship another another very good question i would say if you're thinking about it all the time

if you're constantly thinking about what if what if what if and waking up just baseline level unhappy i would always say reflect back and say when was i the happiest i've ever been if your answer is two years before I started dating so and so, it's like, okay, well, you have a connection with a person. You have an attraction. There's a chemistry. Like there was, and of course there is. But now it's more of like a like a parasitic relationship and a coping relationship, not a thriving one that's growing.

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and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachiatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes. Ooh, that's powerful. I like that. Well said.

Okay, so I need to get, I promised my ladies, I would ask some questions that they wanted me to ask. Sure. I love it. I got a fire away here. Far away.

I'm here. of people right now. Okay, so he always talks about what women are experiencing in dating. What are the men saying about dating? So a lot of guys struggle in dating. Okay, that percentage of men who every woman seems to like, oh my God, fuck those guys. They're horrible. We're talking about like 10% of men, realistically. It's that top 10% of men, they say gets 90% of the women. Like they say that's like some quote, something like that. So a lot of men struggle with their confidence. They're not about their passion and their purpose in their life. They're not fit. They don't really know the proper way to be the most attractive version of

themselves. So they tend to kind of just like botch the process by being too needy, too nice guy, which instinctually for women is repulsive. It's repulsive, right? There's being a kind man, a kind gentleman, and there's being a nice guy, people pleaser. So they tend to kind of veer that way, their style isn't up to point. They're not hitting the gym. And they're kind of lost. There's a lot of lost guys out there that are looking to try to get women

as a way to kind of build themselves up. And that's why they start to gravitate towards toxic masculinity. So it's either fuck women, we hate women, or it's what could I do to make a woman sleep with me? So there's a lot of guys in that middle category that are just either really nice guys who have the potential to be daddy energy men because they have the right mindset.

They just haven't learned games. learned the understanding of attraction, or there are guys that go too far and they're just like, those are borderline insults. Like, they're like, they hate women and they start to go, you know, down a really dark path. So there's this, I would say a majority of men or are either stuck in their nice guy era or maybe trying to come back from a reformed fuckboy era. Those are good guys. Or guys who are like, screw this.

I'm done getting played by women who are just gold diggers. You hear that all the time. Oh, women are gold diggers. Like, dude, you make like 60 grand a year. She's not a gold digger. You make no money. So men do struggle in dating. And I think there are a lot of men who, I'm rambling a little bit, but there are a lot of men who, you know, emotionally, we're talking about like emotional intelligence.

I think in the man space, like not a lot of guys talk about like what they're upset about. And they bottle up feelings and it kind of doesn't allow them to blossom into that best version of themselves or to even feel what being in a healthy relationship is. So there's a lot of problems in the man's space. this could be a whole other conversation. It's a combination of men who are jaded because some women mess them over and now they're going towards the fuckboy area or nice guys who are in their process of self-discovery who are just learning how to be the most attractive versions of themselves and are just sort of in that phase of kind of learning that through their self growth.

All right. Work with more men to help us out. Okay. I'm trying. Online dating. Should women wait for men to be the one to initiate? And this is coming from a woman who I know. She's recently single, has not gotten into online dating.

And Nico, I'm telling you so many of my friends are so much trepidation about jumping in. I say I would prefer if he messaged you first. But I wouldn't say it's like a rule. When I talk about women making the first move, whether it's online, whether it's Instagram, DMing somebody, whether it's a dating app or in person, just like tapping someone on the shoulder and saying something, it's fine to make the first move, but after that, I always say hands off the wheel. So you make the move and then see what he does with it.

Because men aren't stupid. They know, like this woman's talking to me or she messaged me first. She obviously likes me. I think so I'm attractive and wants me to do something with it. If he doesn't do something with it, well, I mean, on a dating app, he wouldn't have a girlfriend, but I mean, I guess these days he might. But he either, if it's in person, he either has a girlfriend or he's not interested.

And on a dating app, if he doesn't roll with it, he could be lukewarm interested, but you want a man that if you message him first, takes the wheel and a few messages back and forth and he's like, I'd love to take you out. So you want a man that's like, boom, boom, boom,

let's get off the app, let's get your phone number. What are you doing this weekend? High interest. We want to deal with people who have high interest in us. So it's okay to make the first move, but you want him to respond with high interest. And if his response is like,

you just chat with him for two weeks and nothing happens, it's kind of, it's lukewarm. It's probably not going to blossom into anything. But it's okay to make a first move every now. Okay, but so then with someone, if you're talking for two weeks and nothing's happened, then when is it like okay to just say, okay, bye? Unless there's like a legitimate reason like, hey, I'm about to leave the country for a week and a half.

I would love to take you out when I get back, then okay. But if he's just chatting, chatting, chatting, that's called keeping you on, you're on the hook. He's waiting until his schedule opens up enough to take you out. what is he prioritizing instead? Could be other women, could be his business, could be friends. It doesn't matter. It's not you. And if it's not you and if he's not willing to, I need to take this woman out.

Like this is like, oh my God, this girl's gorgeous. I got to take her out. If he doesn't feel that and isn't making that move quick, you're a roster option potentially. Oh my gosh. Never letting that happen for any of my people. Okay. Thank you for that one. Okay.

Of course. She said what rules, quote unquote rules apply to online dating other than what you just shared with us. You want to invest in people who are high interest off the bat moving it. That doesn't mean a guy who's like, but we don't want spontaneous. So we don't want a guy that messages you and say, what are you doing tonight? That's too available, right? That's too available.

That's being, oh, I'm eager. Wow. I messaged this girl and she went out with me like the same night. Like she's crazy about me already. You know, so it's those boundaries of, no, he needs to book with me three, four days in advance. You know, it depends. we could be a little flexible, but don't be super spontaneous with it and prioritize the men who have the high interest in you.

I'll say that's the biggest thing because red flags on dating apps are like very, very obvious. Like we all know what that looks like. Don't ignore the obvious red flags. But just prioritize the people who have a high interest. Okay. I like that. Let's keep it simple. I love the easy button.

Okay. Is your advice different for older or younger clients? No, because men are the same at every age. the only difference is how older men might communicate differently than younger men, like, and the use of the phone is probably a little different. So, like, other than that, the advice is basically the same. Could an older man might have, like, you know, maybe he's divorced, maybe he has some kids. So there are some other things that come in the way of his availability.

Yeah, but that's a case-by-case thing that we kind of look at. But more or less, it's the same. Like, if he has free time and you're not being prioritized in that free time, you're not a priority. All men are the same. Every age, they're the same. There's different priorities in their life and things that they have to do based on their age and their life situation and their businesses and whatnot.

But more or less like this, the advice I give is applicable to every age. One thing that just hit me, that I have to share with you and I want to find if you see this or not. I am shocked by people half my age that ask me out that are super confident. However, people my own age, like you can just tell that they're nervous. Is that a thing that just? just younger guys these days are just super confident. Yeah.

And I think it's one of those things where it's going to sound really funny. Okay. Like them shooting up into like a person who's not who wouldn't naturally be in their league. You kind of get more confidence. You know, like when you's kind of almost when you completely sell to stepping outside your comfort zone and you just own it. Nothing to lose. Yeah. Nothing to lose.

Exactly. There's nothing. to lose with a guy your age and you meet this guy your age, he's intimidated and he's a little more shy because he's like, wow, this is like exactly the type of person I'm looking for. And he might not come forth with that same level of confidence where a younger guy with you, it's like, there's nothing to lose here. Like, I'm just shooting for the stars. And if we hits, that's great. That's so interesting. Okay. Is online dating successful or does he see more success when people first meet in person? I think it's equal. I would say it's totally equal. Online dating is a tool.

to meet people. You can meet people in person. You can meet people online. I mean, nowadays, you can meet anyone literally anywhere. I don't think it's any less successful. When you meet somebody in person, I mean, you're getting that true initial read right away. So you'll be able to feel there's that camera. It kind of saves you some time if you met the person in person. And it's obviously more of like a romantic story than like, we met on Bumble. But like dating apps work still. I mean, a lot of people talk badly about them, but dating apps are still successful. You know, I think I am not a master of dating apps, but I've been on a dating app and the experience has not been great, right? So let me just, and for a very short period of time.

Well, I would probably say this to the really high quality guys most likely, like the really high quality guys most likely aren't on dating apps where the high quality women sometimes are. So like a lot of women might find like there are no guys. Like we're all like the guys I want to see. They're not on dating apps because everybody wants them. So why would they go on a dating? app when they could just open their Instagram and they got like 20 girls DMing them. Oh my gosh. How crazy.

All right. So listen to this conundrum. My whole life was like OG regular. You go out somewhere. People walk up to you. They ask you on a date. If there's chemistry, you go out. If not, like peace out, you know, friends, whatever.

That hasn't been my whole life. But now, you know, and I've had so many conversations with women and men about this, like the place a lot of people goes dating after you have to try. Oh my gosh. Nico, I am the nicest person. I always have the best intent to be kind of people. I have become a not nice person because you'll like turn on a dating app and there's so many people messaging you or whatever and then you just shut it off and go like oh yeah it's overwhelming it's

overwhelming it's overwhelming so it turns people into not nice people like the actual algorithm or platform or whatever it is like the entity turns nice people into not nice people and I can see how it's such a turnoff like how you could just get down on dating and I think that happens to a lot of women. Well, if you really think about it, even if we want to talk about social media, because the two things are sort of combined, we aren't meant to see all these people, all these options. We're meant to go out in real life and see people and talk to people in person. So like I said, it's a great tool, but with everything that's amazing, there's always a downside to it. The downside to it is that it creates a lot of anxiety, creates a lot of depression. It creates a lot of like

uncertainty and frustration. So it's like I said, it's using the tool, but just managing it in a way that works for you. Like, you know, if you really don't like them and they cause you a lot of stress, turn it off, like delete it. But, but then you better be going out every single day with a big ass smile on your face, talking to every single person you walk by on the street, spreading love being that beacon of good energy and good vibes.

Because if you're not and you're just miserable, miserable, miserable, miserable. No one's going to talk to you. And now you don't have a dating app. And now no one wants to approach you because you look like a grumpy pants. So if you want to turn off the dating apps, that's fine. But then you got to completely change your attitude towards how you're entering life and behaving and your energy levels and the, you know, the frequency you're buzzing at. So like you said, use dating apps as a tool. They're great. But if they're not for you, then, you know, we have to look at different methods to finding people. But I think some combination of everything is the best way to go. Okay, I love it. All right. So tell us about this new podcast. What are we getting hyped up for February? Yeah, I'm so excited about it. So it's called the Daddy Academy. It is going to be very similar to what I've been doing on TikTok live. If anyone has followed me there, where people come on, ask questions. The format is going to be hilarious. Like the thing about me is I like having fun. I like laughing a little bit because the dating space, you know, it's tough. You know, we all, you know, there's a lot of problems here. So we got to be able to laugh it off. have a smile, have a little bit of fun.

So it's going to be a fun format. People coming on. It looks like a sexy professor's office. So I'm so, so excited to show with people. But yeah, it's going to be a lot of engagement with my people in my community. So you want to come on the show, shoot me a DM. And it's going to be really special. So it's exactly what I've always wanted to do.

So I'm really excited to be kicking it off. So I'm so excited for you. All right. So how can people work with you? How can people get a hold of you? How can people follow you? Yes. So if you want to follow me, Instagram at Nico, N-I-K-O-E-M-A-N.

That's my Instagram. TikTok, well, we'll see if it gets banned or not, at the Daddy Academy. YouTube page at the Daddy Academy. So that's where the podcast is going to live, probably on Spotify as well. And, you know, if you want to work with me, hit the link in my bio on Instagram or TikTok, and it'll be a form you can fill out. And if you want to work with me one-on-one, fill that out. And we'll get back to you.

We can work together. and yes, that's basically it. All right. Well, I will link everything in the show notes, guys. Obviously, follow Nico. His content is amazing, entertaining. And you heard it from him first. He's charismatic on top of it.

Nico, thank you so much for people. This was a blast. It was so nice to meeting you. This is great. It was so great seeing you. Thank you, wishing you the best. And we will be tuning in for the show. Guys, until next week, keep creating your confidence.

You know what I will be.