Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #62: Nina Sossamon-Pogue: Living Your Life One Chapter at a Time

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

Most people have difficulty living their lives after surviving horrific events. Because of this, they feel hopeless and disengage from people. These reactions are the exact opposite of what they should be feeling and doing. Instead of being negative, they should be hopeful and communicate with family and friends. Nina Sossamon-Pogue, the author of This Is Not ‘the End’: Strategies to Get You Through the Worst Chapters of Your Life, shares some tips about living our lives through hard times. She also talks about some insights from her bestselling book that you can use now. Learn how you can still live your life to the fullest even when times are hard. About The Guest: Nina Sossamon-Pogue is a former news anchor, a keynote speaker, and the CEO of NSP Communications. In 2019, she published the book This is Not ‘The End’: Strategies to Get You Through The Worst Chapters of Your Life, which was inspired by her life experiences. This book guides its readers in living life by chapters and getting through the toughest parts. Finding Nina Sossamon-Pogue: Visit her website:https://ninasossamonpogue.com Buy her book This Is Not ‘the End’: Strategies to Get You Through the Worst Chapters of Your Life Twitter: @NinaSossP Instagram: @Nina_sp.eaks To inquire about my coaching program opportunity visit https://mentorship.heathermonahan.com/ Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close to. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited. You are back here with me today. So much is happening.

I can't believe we're halfway through this year in a strange way. For me, it seems the years going by incredibly fast. So even though it's incredibly painful with being stuck in the house and quarantine, it really is going by very, very quickly. So I wanted to reflect, you know, on the first half of the year and then, you know, it's like a challenge. It's a good time at a halfway point to reflect on what you've accomplished thus far in the year and think about what are your goals for the next half of the year. And while the economy and the marketplace is changing so quickly, it does impact. and affect our business and our mental state and society and community and everything. So it's somewhat difficult to plan out too far, but I definitely think looking out and having a

plan for the next half of the year is important. I started thinking about that when yesterday I received paperwork from Harper Collins leadership. Everything has been going so slow because Harper Collins is a traditional publishing company, definitely not nimble. It's a huge company, and they were accustomed to working in buildings. And when everyone went remote, it really slowed the process down immensely. At some point, I really started wondering, are they even going to do business with me now? I called my agent and asked her a few weeks ago. I said, is this normal?

I mean, what's happening? I just don't know what to do. And I found out that she had a couple of deals that were in the works with a couple of different publishing houses. And she gave me good insight and said, Heather, publishing is a very old. business and they are not able to move quickly nor operate remotely with any type of speed. Take a deep breath. Everything is fine.

And she was right because I did get the paperwork yesterday. So what's interesting in this process, again, I'm a rookie. Yes, I've written a book, but I wrote a book and self-published, which is completely different what I'm finding so far versus writing a book and publishing with a publishing house and with an agent. This process is so different. and while it's been so slow, suddenly it got really fast yesterday. So again, I've never done it before.

I don't know what I'm doing. Shocker, yet again, I have no idea what I'm doing. I get all this paperwork and all these approvals that I have to sign off on. And just it's really kind of, it's very different. So I see in the paperwork that I have to get a draft to them in September. the final is due in November. And while to you that might not seem that fast, but to me it seems really fast, I had been working on this book for over a year.

So I have so much written. It's crazy. But when you all of a sudden see the deadline, and this is why timelines and deadlines are super important in anything that we do, giving yourself a deadline, I love the quote that something is just a dream until we put an end date on it, right? To have it be a goal, we need to assign an actual date to it. So when I saw the date of September, holy cow, my mindset went from this, wow, this whole thing is so slow. And do they even want to do a book with me and what's happening to suddenly pump the brakes? I got to get this thing turned around fast. And so I worked with

an editor on my book proposal, which, as you know, took forever. We re-refer. We re-reacted. We wrote it 15 times, which is insane. He even said that was insane. However, it ended up working out in the end. As you know, we got a lot of offers, made this partnership with Harper Collins leadership, which I'm super excited about. And I love these people. They've been great so far in the limited experience I have working with them in the past couple of months. So I'm really excited. I'm excited to be working with my editor again. He's great to work with. We know each other so well now. He's out in California. We work remotely. And it's been a good experience. But the pressure is suddenly on and yeah, I've got to kind of pivot and get to work on this really quickly. So pressure.

God, I love the pressure. That's going to be a big part of my second half of the year is completing, reviewing, editing, and refining and improving what I've already written because I did get feedback during the book proposal and I definitely want to apply the learnings that I took from that experience to the greater good of the new book. So it'll be interesting. to see for those that read my first book and then are going to get the chance to read this new book, what, you know, the growth that you'll see or that I hope I'm going to convey. Again, I have no idea, but I really think it's going to be so much better because now I'm working with people that are, it's still me, it's still my experiences, my perspective, my learnings, but I'm being guided by people

that do this for a living and have done this for a living. They're the best in the business. They're experts. So it's going to be interesting. I was told that I could audition to do the audible version of my book, which I find to be hilarious. So, you know, whatever, there's going to be some interesting things that come up and some challenges along the way, but we're going to work through them. I pray that I get hired to do the audible portion of my book because I'll be really pissed if I don't. But okay, we'll wait and see what happens. On to the next one, let's first get the draft in by September. That's on my plan for the second. half of the year. What's on your plan for the second half of the year? Make it something big.

So, okay, so that's all been going on. And I am really getting excited about that. But it was so funny, I went for a drive. We're like, oh, I went to get a pedicure. That was a really exciting part of my week this week because I hadn't been getting a pedicure in a very, very long time. So I was driving in the car and I was driving down this road, a really beautiful road near my, where I live that has these phenomenal homes. I mean, just absolutely phenomenal. And as I was driving down the road, looking at beautiful house to beautiful house to beautiful house,

and thinking, I want to buy one of these houses one day when I can get my revenues where they need to be. And it reminded me of this story that I have to share with you. I actually wrote about it on LinkedIn today. Years ago, as you know, I was a chief revenue officer in corporate America, and I had worked for the same CEO for 14 years, much older individual gentleman that I worked for for a long time. He was the founder of the company. The company was 50 years old at the time. So obviously he'd been in business for a long time.

He was having a housewarming party for his new mansion that he had just bought on the ocean in Naples, Florida. This house was brilliant, exquisite, unbelievable, and off the charts. And he invited all the executives from the company to attend. this party. And so there was a lot of us there. And we actually were on this private bus and we were getting off and everyone was saying, oh my gosh, this house is amazing. I mean, literally, it's on the ocean in Naples, Florida. House was probably $30 or $40 million. Huge. There was a guest house. There was also this really cool tiki bar, which was in front of the house. There was a huge pool. The staircases were insane. I mean, this was, oh, and he brought an aerosmith to perform for us at the

party. Just the whole thing was so over the top and crazy. Okay, why am I telling you this? So here's why I'm telling you this. I get off the bus and I'm walking in with one of my colleagues who was from Atlanta, and it was the first time he had seen the house. And he said, oh my gosh, this is the house that Heather built. And I have to tell you, that has stayed with me for so long. And here's why, and here's the perspective that I want to share that I find to be really important or why it was important to me. It really hurt when I heard him say that. I knew what he meant. I was a chief revenue officer. I was in charge of the company's acceleration revenues, anything around revenue generation. That was, I was the money person. I was the person tasked with growing revenue

responsible for revenue. During my tenure there, I had more than doubled the company's revenues, you know, along with my team and through our initiatives that we successfully employed in a declining marketplace and a declining market. So we did a really amazing job by. by the way, clearly. So I had generated billions of dollars while I was there over that 14-year period, super proud of my accomplishments there and did a really good job. But his point did not fall in deaf ears. It was in that moment I realized I've made all this money for this man to build this house. This is the house that Heather built because basically I paid for it in theory, right? Through me, the revenues that I generated through me and my team, he was able to have this $30 million,

to buy this house. And I just thought, well, if this is the house that Heather built, why isn't Heather living here? Right? It was that epiphany moment for me that, okay, I know how to generate revenue. I know how to generate billions in revenue. And I know how to do it successfully and repeatedly. I've done it multiple times through my career, different companies. But there was one thing different about him and I. And mind you, this guy, he didn't really work very much at this point at all. So he was buying this new $30 million house. He very rarely works. And over 14 years, I was traveling almost every single week, if not every other week, you know, for more than a decade, missing out on so much

and sacrificing so much so that I could generate this money. And I had this epiphany moment that day that he did one thing different than me, that I hadn't done, that I would need to do if I wanted to buy the $30 million house someday. And here's what it is. When he was younger, I don't know how old he was at the time, probably in his 30s. He had been in the education business. He was either a teacher or a principal. I don't remember exactly. But one day, he was. he just decided to risk everything. He quit his job and he bought a radio station and started his own company and took the risk of being a CEO. He went out on a limb having no idea what was going to happen.

Fast forward to, I'll never forget this, I was at a dinner party with some good friends of his years after I've been working with him. I probably, you know, I probably worked for a decade at this point. I knew his personal story. I love the guy. He's a much older gentleman, very sweet, sweet guy. again, he wasn't really involved in the business very much during the time that I was there. I think he was in his 80s at that time. So he was very removed CEO.

I'm at a dinner with a bunch of people and one of his friends was sitting next to me, an older gentleman. And he was explaining to me, Heather, you need to know why George is so great. And I said, well, tell me, you know, I love to learn and I want to hear from you. And he shared the story with me that I believe it was in the 80s. There was a financial impact on the radio business. and everyone started selling their radio stations. At that point in time, I don't know, let's say he owned 20. I have no idea how many it was.

The company grew much, much, much larger than that. But at the time, let's say it was 20 stations he owned. And everyone, including the man that was sitting next to me, had owned stations. And he sold them in the 80s. And he's telling me it was a scary time. And it was so uncertain. And banks were calling on notes. And no one wanted to be in the radio business.

And everyone was saying it was dead and over. And he said, I sold my business. business. He said, it was the biggest mistake I ever made. I said, well, tell me what did George do differently? He said, I remember, he said at the time, I told George he was crazy because George wouldn't sell his. And instead, he had to get funding. And he went and pitched, you know, hundreds of bankers and banks to find funding to be able to stay in business. And everyone told him he was crazy. And he shared the story that George walked alone on the beach and contemplated, oh my gosh, I'm risking everything. I hope I know what I'm doing. I hope that this.

works and he didn't know and it was a huge risk and he was one of the only ones that stayed in the business and because he did that, you know, fast forward, we're at this housewarming party for a $30 million mansion. So the point and the moral of the story is this and I realized it. The comment, this is the house that Heather built hit hard for me, but it also made me realize, yes, I know how to do this. I can generate the revenue. I can run a large company and succeed. But the only thing I didn't do that he had done was take the leap, bet on myself, take the risk, and continue taking the risk even when times are tough the way that George had. So when my colleague explained that to me at the event, I went home that night thinking, it is the house that I build and I'm going to

build one for myself one day. And so here I was this week driving down this beautiful road with all these mansions on the ocean in Miami. And I remember that story. And I'm not going to forget that. I might not have taken the leap. I might have gotten pushed right when I got fired. But now I'm taking to leave. I'm all in. And as you know, I make tons of mistakes all of the time. I just sent down an email blast this morning. There was an error on it. You know, I got a ping from people. Did you see this? Did you say, again, done will always be better than perfect. Peeps, I'm going to make mistakes. just like George taking that walk on the beach, I know I'm not going to back off. That doesn't mean I know how this whole thing is going to play out. I really, really don't. Am I frustrated?

My company isn't further along and billing more revenues than it currently is. Heck, yes. I don't even know how it's possible. It's very frustrating. But I also know I could be so close to that next solution, to that next revenue stream that's going to catapult my business, allow me to start hiring full-time employees, and really take off. So I know what that all. looks like. I'm not at the tipping point yet, but I can promise you this. I envision that man walking down that beach alone and making that crazy decision to stay in a business. Everyone else was leaving when everyone told him to get out. Fast forward, that was the best decision financially he ever made. And I just keep reminding myself of that. Yeah, I am going to get that house. Yeah,

I am going to build a company that's creating billions in revenue. I've seen the movie. I've done the work and I'm going to do it again. But this time for me. So I hope that you go all in on you and take the chance even when it's scary because here's a thing. Stepping into fear will always be the right answer. All right. Hold tight. We're going to be right back. And welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet my guest today, Nina Sossman Pogue. She is no stranger to success, career transition and life-altering events. That's an understatement. She now helps others. to navigate major challenges, and that's why she is here today. She's the author of This Is Not the End. She's been a successful corporate executive, an Emmy award-winning news anchor, and a member of

the United States gymnastics team. As a result of plot twist in her career in personal life, she now inspires audiences to envision their future in new ways. Nina, thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. So obviously, I'm so interested in your book, and I know my audience is so interested in your book because of what we're going through right now with the coronavirus, with the quarantine, with so much change. And I wanted to start with, you have so much change in your life. You have gone through so many massive obstacles, challenges, transitions. And if you could give some insight to, you know, a few of those big ones, so people understand that you are a real person that is speaking with real experience here. I think it would

be really valuable to hear. I would love to do that. And it's nice to set the stage that way, because our world is not off Facebook and Instagram and the lovely intro that you gave me. The downs that went along with the real success in my life are really a key to who I am and why I am out here with this message. You know, we have a lot of people that we look up to and we think that their lives have just been rosy and perfect along the way when you hit a certain level of success. Well, I was a member of the U.S. gymnastics team. I did not make the Olympic team after being on the cover of all those magazines as an Olympic hopeful. So that was my first devastating moment as a young teenager. And then I went to LSU. I was a gymnast in a division one school. And I blew out my knee

and I lost my sport at the right old age of 19. And then I got into television and I was top of my game and very well liked in the community where I was a news anchor. And then I got let go during budget cuts and had to reinvent myself again. And then I worked my way back up and I won an Emmy and had some great success in news again at another television station. And then I was involved in a really horrific accident in which my friend's child crawled under my car and I backed up. So I went from this really successful, you know, world-class athlete and really well-liked news anchor to this person who just ran over a child. Now, fast forward 15 years when I wrote this book, he lived. He is handsome and smart and funny and kind.

He is in high school this now, and he had full recovery. But I went through very dark time at that time. So I did, went back on the air, did news for another year. We went through it together, his family and mine, showed everybody how to get through that with love. And then I got out and got into tech and had great success on that side too. So I sort of became this go-to for, how do you do that? How do you reinvent yourself? How do you go through these things and not let it just become who you are and take over your identity? So that is where the book came from. I became the person that everybody would schedule a 30 minute sink on their calendar with whenever they were going through something or the person who, you know, somebody would knock on my door with a, you know, a 40-year-old guy down the street with this cup of coffee and say, hey, I just got laid off. You know me. You know my wife. You know our kids. Can you come help me figure out how to get through this?

So I just became that person and I realized I had something more to offer. And so that's where the book came from. That's why I'm so glad you're here today because no matter who is listening, they are going through a point of transition in their life. Regardless of if you've been fired or not, although I was fired two years ago. And to me, that is one of the hardest hits to take. So whether you've lost your job recently or not, you're definitely under stress, this uncertainty of what's happening with our economy, what's happening with our loved ones,

what's happening with our own health, our own medical systems in the country, politically what's happening? There's so much uncertainty right now. I really don't remember a time other than 0809 where I really started questioning what the future could look like. What are some of the baseline tactics and strategies that you highlight in the book that you think people might be able to tap into today to help them? It's interesting that you let it up with 0809. those areas and your own challenges because we all have our own challenges and we all have our own stories. And one of the things I talk about is you are the author of your own life. And a lot of people use that analogy. But right now, we are all going through this together, everyone on the globe. So they'll come a time five years from now where we will be grabbing a beer and a pizza

with some friends or out with some, you know, families that we know. And the conversation... That sounds amazing. I know. And it will happen. So keep that in mind. So part of this is this big perspective. So five years down the road, we will all be getting together and grabbing some pizza with some friends and we'll be chatting and the conversation will go to similar like we do with 9-11 now. Where were you? It'll become, where were you? And the pandemic of 2020. What did you do to get through it? What's your story? And we're all creating those stories right now. So two things with that. One, five years from now is coming and we're going to get there. And two, what we do right now matters. It becomes our story. Let's do something in this time that we have that we're proud of. We did our

part, we stayed in, we helped in the ways that we could. Let's create a story that we're comfortable with. And then let's make sure that when we're sitting around with our friends five years from now, that's our story. It helps us in two ways. One, it helps us feel like we have some control in the current situation, but we do have choices right now. And two, we do know that five years from now it will become the story that we tell. I do a thing in the book, and I do a lot of speaking now, and one of my favorite things to ask an audience to do, I'll ask your audience to do it. Picture the book of your life. What does it look like? How thick is it? What color is the cover? Is it a hardback or a softback? Is it Harry Potter and have a lot of

volumes? What does the book of your life look like? Now, open, maybe it's a children's book, you know, but your book, open that book to today right now as you're listening to this, and you're on a page. If you're me, like me, you're in your 50s, you're in the middle somewhere, maybe you're towards the beginning of your book more, maybe you're more towards the end, but you're on a page right now. And on that page, we all have this on a crossover moment, we're all on this pandemic page together. But this is one piece of our book. On this page, all the pages ahead are blank.

There's nothing in them. You decide the language that you're going to use, the settings and the people and the universe around you, the main character. You decide that going forward. So as we're all on this crossover moment right here together, we're all going to have some pandemic pages in there. It's not our whole book.

It feels like it is right now because it's all consuming and it can be very scary. and if you watch the news all day long, that can be dangerous. You've got to turn that off. I can talk more about that. It's a whole different concept. But that whole idea that we're all having these pandemic, this is a chapter of all of our books.

And how we get through it's going to be how we decide, the language we decide to use. Was it challenging? Was it horrible? Did you hate it? Did you lean into it? Did you find something to do? Did you make it funny?

You know, what did you do during this time? Did you help? That's going to be your story. And then all the pages ahead, You still have lots of great chapters out there. I mean, we're all going to be out in the world again and doing fun things. It's coming. We're not going to be like this forever.

So in these really dark moments, you just have to remind yourself that right now, physically, you're probably okay and you have food to eat and you're sitting and you're listening and your body is functioning. You're all right. We're not in any danger at this minute as we were talking. And five years down the road, we'll have this story to tell about this. It kind of helps you put it in your mind. When you want more, start your business with a business with,

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on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash confidence to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash confidence. So there's something that you said that is really curious to me. We're talking about word choices and explaining our situation and how are we, what does that narrative sound like to ourselves or to others right now? And you said something about, you know, is it funny? Is it fun? Okay, I go back and forth to this and I'm super interested to hear what you think. Part of me, you know, my son does impersonations and we laugh at night and, you know, try to have fun while in this time, which has really been challenging for us. And I enjoy that, but then I also don't want to tell people about that narrative because I also feel

guilty when I hear about other situations or I find out somebody just got the virus or their mothers in ICU or that they just lost their job and they can't pay their bills next month. I almost start feeling guilty at times when I do try to tell a good narrative around what's happening and how we're doing our best and I'm proud of us and it's exciting and fun that we're surviving this weird world. And then I say, I shouldn't be telling myself that what are your thoughts on, you know, being grateful for what we have and making the best of it, but then also feeling guilty for other people that might have it worse off than we do right now. This is a great conversation. I've had this conversation with my daughter, who's at college, and she said, I just feel like

I'm not allowed to laugh, mom. It's all so serious. I feel like I can't laugh. And it's really just weighing on me. And I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, your job is to stay and to take your online classes, stay around your small core group of people, don't go out in the world, and you're allowed to laugh and have some joy in that. And the reason that's so important is because you physically, it's part of you taking care of you. It's you taking care of your son, the two of you, you have to take care of each other. And you physically need to give yourself a break. If you talk to the people who are the doctors from the front line of this and the cops who see tough things every day, or people who are journalists, like myself, 20 years and news, the news cycle is the news cycle.

There's going to be bad stuff going on all the time, somewhere in the world. Even when you weren't aware of it, there was suffering and dying and horrible things happening in the world and the days you didn't turn the news on. The things are always happening. We're just very aware of them right now and we're collectively aware of them right now. But that doesn't mean you can't stop and enjoy your life because your life is going on. And anyone in news or in a police officer, they all know you have to separate a little bit. You have to step away from it. And you need to smile and you need to take slow breaths.

And you need to find some laughter and some joy because this is life. Your life is going on while all this is happening. And your body and your brain need a break. Your brain needs a break from all of this. So it's really healthy that you laugh. It's healthy that you step away and turn off the TV. Now, when you get those memes and there's some hilarious TikToks and memes going around, they're really funny.

My kids send them to me. Now, I think that's important right now while we have some, many people who are going through really difficult times that we keep those in small circles and we send those individually. I don't think putting those out in mass is the best idea right now because someone you send it to may have just gotten that bad news or may be having a moment right now where it's all gotten really real. We need both.

We need to have the compassion for the people and you can have that compassion and still in your own home with the people that you are taking care of and yourself who you're taking care of. You can laugh and have joy. And to share that with some people in the right settings is important, but maybe not to throw it out there at everybody's face because some people aren't going to take it well. Like I feel guilty. I live in a lovely home and I happen to have access to water. So I almost feel guilty when I go for a paddle in the morning.

I haven't been posting those pictures. Same sort of thing because I'm like, people are going to say, well, she doesn't, you know, feel it. Like I feel this. And I don't. We all have our own stories we're going through. We all have our own situations. But yeah, I understand that. But you do need to take care of you.

And I would caution to not let it get too serious all the time. Turn off the TV. Let your brain relax for a moment. When you smile, that puts good juju into your brain. That gives you all of the chemicals that your body needs to kind of reset and keep you healthy through this. When you went through the most horrific, I would assume this is the most horrific, the car accident situation that you had in your life. what were the things that would comfort you that when people would talk to you or say to you? Because that's another one of the challenging things.

I think we all, we want to reach out and see how someone's doing. But when you pick that phone up, you don't know what's going to happen on the other end, right? And that's intimidating and scary. And I want to show up for people, but I also don't know what to say to comfort people. What would you suggest? I think that the honesty with this is the best that you can do when you don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. When your heart breaks to them, say my heart's,

breaking few and I don't know what to say, but pick up the phone. It's so important that we connect right now and that we do call each other. That is really key. When I, as a person, if someone's listening and you're the very difficult time and you have lost someone or something, you have lost your job or things are really going south for you and you're in a bad place. It's one of the things that I talk about in the book. This is Chapter 9. Just flip to that. It's 99 cents to get it read Chapter 9. But in Chapter 9, I explain how you create a script because what happens is, when something really, you know, horrific happens in your life, you walk back out into the world. And it doesn't happen with divorce or losing a child and, you know, when a miscarriage, it happens

in all sorts of different settings. But you walk back out in the world, people are like, oh, how are you? And there's no good answer. Like, if you say you're fine, oh, she's not dealing with it. If you say, I'm, you know, struggling, oh, she needs help. Like, there's no good answer. So part of what I talk about is creating a script for yourself, similar to if you're going to make this phone call, create a script that you're comfortable with, that you already know what you're going to say beforehand, kind of prepare yourself. And in most instances, I always say yes to start with that because people like to hear their right. So if they say, how are you? You must be terrible. I can't imagine. You just go, yes, this is a difficult time. Thank you so much for asking. I'm not

ready to talk about it right now, but I appreciate you asking and it really comforts me to talk about what's going on in other people's lives. Now you've taken control of the situation. You've given them something to talk about because what happens in these situations is you start taking care of it. everyone, the person who's going through the tough time. And so when you pick up that phone to call someone during this, you don't want them to have to, you don't want to make them feel worse. So it's really comfortable to be able to say, hey, how are you? Stop and listen. Listening is key. Just stop and listen. Let them talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and agree and agree and agree. I don't care what your politics are. I don't care anything at this moment. We need to all agree and agree and listen.

and then just say very heartfelt, whatever it is. I'm so sorry that this is happening. I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine. I'm here for you. Those words that just, you know, you don't have to have an answer. You're not going to be able. This is unprecedented for all of us.

So you're not going to have the exact answer, but to lead with kindness and open your heart and just be honest. And sometimes just saying, I don't even know what to say, but I'm here for you is the best thing you can say. It's so interesting. explaining that. I remembered a friend of mine had cancer and was very, very sick. It was actually a coworker of mine a few years ago. And I will never forget in the end when she was really, really sick. She called me one day from the hospital. And when I saw it was her, it was so unexpected.

I panicked and I didn't pick up. And I will forever regret that was a last time I would have had a chance to speak to her. She got off a few days later. And I didn't, you know, I had no idea. I was just scared. I wasn't, I didn't have the script like what you're suggesting. I wasn't. prepared with, Heather, you can handle this, you know, you can, you know, be kind or ask questions or be comforting, whatever, or you don't have to have the answers. But I think it's really important to prepare that script right now so that if you do see that phone ring, you will feel confident enough to pick up that phone. Pick up the phone. And you know, something about calling old friends during times like this, pretty people who are single. I have, you know,

a girlfriend who's single way out in the West Coast, and I'll call her just to call and chat sometimes. so no she's by herself going through this. It does two things. It does my heart good because I feel like I'm helping because I'm reaching out. It also helps her. She has somebody to talk with. But in our brain, she's an old college buddy of mine. In our brains, too, when we talk, like the memories of college and that is a different,

it ignites happy juices in your psyche. It just brings out some really happiness and joy that we need right now to a time when it wasn't so scary and wasn't so uncertain and we can talk about those things. So just reliving some of those moments and telling fun. stories is really healthy. So pick up the phone if someone calls and you don't have to have the answer. I think that is that is the key to that. Don't feel like you have to. No one does right now. If they tell you they do, they are making it up. You just need to listen to your friends and family and loved ones or even strangers. Listen and then agree with them that it's, you know, it sucks,

whatever it is. And then, you know, be there for them and tell them, I don't even know what to say, but I feel for you and I'm right here. good. I'm so going to prepare my script after we hang up. Yeah, I really am. Just because I have that one experience, I never want to make that mistake again. So I really think it's important to set ourselves up as best as we possibly can. One of the things that you have in the book that was really interesting to me, because I never thought of it the way that you approached it, was around age and how things feel so big when you're younger and conversely when you're older and the mathematical approach that you have to this. Can you explain a little bit about that?

Yeah, this is my favorite part of the book. So that's chapter six. And my kids would call it my chapter six thinking. And whenever one of their friends makes a poor decision at college or gets in trouble or does something, my daughter will call. So, oh my gosh, I've done chapter six three times today, you know. So this chapter six thinking is, it's a perspective exercise really. But if you look at time, it really works with us for getting over tough stuff.

So remember when you were 10 years old. Do you remember how long this summer seemed when you were 10? It's just the days seemed so long and there was time to do things. And it was summer. It was like a big deal. When you were 10, that year of your life is one-tenth of everything you know. At 10 years old, one year of your life is one-tenth of everything you know. And so that seems, that's 365 days of that 10 years.

Now, when you're 40, maybe parenting, 10 year old, when you're 40, that same year, one year of your life is one 40th of your life. So it's a smaller percentage. So when it seems like time's going so fast, it really has a, it is, if you look at the percentages. So that's 140th of your life. And you have kids and half your time is not your own and life's different at 40. So if you're a 40-year-old parenting a 10-year-old and they say, you're ruining my life, it's because they really feel like, you know, this is a big thing to them.

It's a big chunk of time. But if you work through your timeline, and I look at my own, so when I lost my sport, when I blew out my knee in college, it was 19. So at 19, that was 85% of my whole life had been in a gym. 85% since I was before I was 5 years old. So my whole life had been in the gym, moved away from home, the whole shebang. Like, that is what I knew was gymnastics. 85% of my life at 19.

So when I lose the sport, it does feel like your life is coming to an end. For all these athletes who aren't getting to do their senior year or their sport or they're not, you know, getting to compete in whatever big competition that was coming up. It does feel it's devastating. It's heartbreaking because it's a big piece of who you are and what you know. Now, I can fast forward now at 50 in my 50s and see that I have spent much, you know, doing the math again, gymnastics, and that part of my life is now 28% of my life. And parenting, having all my three kids at home, that was 40, more than 40% of my life has been parenting.

So the math just looks really different once you start putting it together. And if you if I live to be a hundred, which I need to take better care of myself and not drink so much wine during this whole pandemic, but if I live in a hundred, then that math changes more. And then the gymnastics will be less than 20% of my whole life. So it's just the math works with you. And when you think about this pandemic and where we are, we've had a few months now where, you know, some people, they're at one month this week. It's one month of being home. One month of a year and a year in your life and your life. And your life. is going to be long. It is just some pages of that book. It is not the whole thing. So that thought around putting things in perspective and looking at the percentages and how they work and how much a big piece of your life they are once you get further down the road is really key. It's amazing. It also, I wonder if there are a lot of young people, and we had talked about this off air about those that are missing their graduations. And when you're younger, thinking of what a hit that is because it seems so important. Of course, years later we have the

perspective, which finally, it's a benefit to be older to know that this two shall pass and to know that this is, you know, a small window of time. But my heart goes out to those younger people who are missing those big events right now. Yeah, and it's really a difficult time. And it's very real because it is a big part of their lives and something they were really looking forward to, whether it's my son who's not going to get a college graduation, they're just going to send him a piece of paper, and that's the end, or my daughter who was really looking to spring formal because she had a great date and she bought this great dress,

and she's in college too. So she was really looking forward to the spring formal, or whether it's my other son who had, you know, his basketball team was doing well and they just had to stop playing. His college basketball team was doing so great. Or some of the people in my own community here, high school kids who were, you know, in the band and had big band stuff coming up, or one of our local sports teams at our high school,

having their best season that they were having. And I was a gymnast at LSU. I watched those gymnasts. They didn't get to finish their season. And those seniors, that's the end of that sport for them. It's just heartbreaking for all those young people who aren't getting to do that. So one of the things, there's two parts to that.

One is gratitude. We're practicing a lot of gratitude in our family, and I'm trying to encourage others too, too. We're not being asked to go to war like some young people did, back in the day, we're just being asked to stay home. We're not sending people off to war or, you know, asking them to do something that is not within their means. We're asking people to stay home and take online classes. It's not that hard to do. And we also are all in this together. So there's no, somebody's getting, everybody's in this together. It's leveling the playing field. We're all

going to have a story. Make yours an interesting one. So the gratitude and that piece of it. And then a piece that I think is really key for these young people is that they're going to have this as part of their story. This is like a special year. There's already T-shirts being printed. I mean, you're going to be kind of special down the road. You're going to have a story to tell that's really unique to you. And it will make you more resilient. You get to go on and do a lot of great things. For the athletes, they're already resilient. I don't worry about them as much as many of the others because they've probably already overcome injuries or overcome setbacks in their sport. And they know what it feels like to get up and get going again. So they will become corporate athletes.

And they have so many skills they will take into the corporate world. And I hired a ton of athletes in the years that I was working in corporate. They are the ones who are resilient and adapt to change. And they go there. They know teamwork. They have so many skills they carry into the business world. So it was not wasted time to all those years on the field or on the court or in the dugout or in the gym. It's not wasted time.

The skills that you learn there, you carry out. You carry with you through life. They will just, no doubt that those young athletes are going to have great success in the future. So you actually see the adversity as being a benefit. Yeah. I think we all have an opportunity right now to take a step back and look at our lives, look at where we are, look at this adversity and do a bit of a reset. I've always seen adversity as an opportunity. Use adversity to your advantage. I also think I've started making a list of things that I hope stay on the other side of this.

There are some things that I think should stay with us, this imperfectness that we're seeing on social media and on television, this imperfect action. People are just doing, the kids are running around, and it's just kind of nuts. I kind of like the imperfection. I think we had enough of the imperfect Instagram feeds and the perfection that was out there. I think we're going to, my gray hair is showing, my nails are a mess. I'm right there with you. And it's so funny, my son said to me the other day, he said,

mom there's this meme around that when I'm older I'm going to say to my kids I live through the pandemic of 2020 you know like this come on give me a break what are you people complaining about now and then conversely I have a girlfriend of mine that says Heather I finally feel like we've leveled the playing field and now the celebrities don't have like the amazing hairdressers and this and this this is a benefit to all of us and it's just so funny to hear the different ways that people are celebrating the craziness known as our world today. It is. It's just really made, made us look at things differently. And I do think that each time we overcome a little something, we let ourselves adapt and change. So the definition of resilience, it's really key. So, you know, there's a lot of

books on grit and persistence. And there's a lot of people who have that mindset. Those people are probably struggling the most right now because you can't just keep going or go harder. You can't just keep, you know, get up and go harder each one. Because that's not an option. We can't just keep doing what we're doing, but doing more of it. You have to change. So the definition of resilience, and the reason you're hearing this work in all of the media is the definition of resilience is to adapt and grow stronger through change. It's the adapt piece that's really key. So the definition that I use in my speaking stuff is the ability to learn and grow stronger from adversity and adapt in a positive way to whatever happens in our lives.

And it's a slide that I use in my keynote speeches and it's the way in which I build out my content. content because that resilience piece is very different than saying grit or persistence. And you have to be able to make changes. You adapt and survive. We're all adapting and surviving right now. We are becoming more resilient just through this shared experience. So you have gone through a lot of career transition in your lifetime successfully too, which is so impressive. And as I mentioned, I was fired two years ago. And it was devastating to say the least. I was shocked by it. So many people right now have been fired and laid off unexpectedly. They are devastated and panic. How can they set themselves up best right now to come out on top? And like you, have these transitional moments where

it actually turns out better. I'm so glad you asked that because I've had a lot of people reach out to me. And I think it's really key that when you get fired, I can't say this enough, when you get fired or let go, the words that in your head and the words that come out of your mouth need to be chosen carefully. You need to, I have an understanding that this is a tough time for everybody and people are making tough decisions. The person who gets angry and lashes out and said, why me and not them and just goes off the rails, those people are going to be harder.

They're going to be harder to rehire and get a job back on the other side of this. Those are the people you don't want to rehire. They're the angry ones. If you are the one that says, this is tough, wow, this is a challenge. I obviously didn't see this coming, but it had to be a hard to. decision and has some grace during this, that is part of it. It's much easier to rehire that person, much easier to rehire the person who doesn't go off the rails and say you should have let so-and-so go and not me and why me and I was great. That is going to be hard to let back into the

team. So one, when you were let go, think about the words that you say out loud and you need to say them in your head and you need to say them out loud because think about this, you pick up the phone, somebody, you get, you're the one who gets furloughed, somebody calls you from the office, goes, hey, how you doing? And if you go off and say, I so angry, and I work harder than Bob does and Cheryl's a lot slacky and how come they didn't get rid of them. Then you hang up the phone. They're like, how's she doing? And they say, oh, she's really angry.

She's losing it. She's not so happy with so-and-so-so-so-so. Same situation. You pick up the phone. Someone calls you and you from the office because they're going to. Someone's going to get the short straw and have to call and check on you. That's kind of how it works. So someone's going to call.

And you're going to say, hey, didn't see this coming. Wow. Good luck to all you guys. Please let people know that I'm looking. I need something. if there's something out there, you know, put the word out that I'm still, you know, working and I'm here and I'm available and, you know, wow, it's been a good ride. And I just wish you guys the best. Then they hang up the phone and it's a very different conversation. They tell the whole room of

people, oh, well, she didn't see it coming. She's upset, but she's looking and if anybody knows of anything. You just need to set yourself up to be successful on the other side. And during this time, you need to keep your skills up. You need to be the one ready to rehire. You need to look at what your skills are and really package them well. Maybe this has becomes an opportunity. opportunity for you because you weren't in something you love. And now you've got this time to look at your skill set and go, well, you know, something I actually would rather be doing this piece or that piece or maybe there's something else I'm really good at that I haven't put myself out there for. So you can look at it as an opportunity. But right, when you first get let go, that doesn't even,

you know, go into your head. The first thing that you need to do is just be careful of the words that come out of your mouth, handle your own emotions and let people help you and build your, when you do that when you are, use, use the right words and you look at it as a challenge and you accept this quickly, then you can start building a network of people who know reaching out and building a network of people who know that you are looking, that know that you're keeping your skills up, that know that you have a positive attitude. If you have a positive attitude, you keep working and you keep calling and you keep, you know, getting in touch with people and saying, well, I'm here when you need me. What can I do in the meantime? That's the person you want to rehire. You want to be that person. You

want to be the person who has a great attitude through this because when this is over, they are going to rehire. The world's going to go back and people are going to be looking. Just that's going to happen. That's not an if. That is, it is going to happen. We will be rehiring and you want to be the person that is so easy to rehire because you were kind through it and gracious through it and you kept, you know, your skills up and you're ready to go. What if you're the person that's angry, how do you let go of that anger and gain control of your dialogue. It's really difficult. So when I was let go, I was, I won, I was in Charleston, South Carolina, I went Charleston's favorite news anchor on a Thursday, and I got called into the GM's office, the general manager's office on a Friday, and I'm thinking they're going to give me a bonus or tell me

how great I am. You know, I'd won it seven years in a row. So I was thinking, oh, they're going to say something nice. So the weather guy and I were walking down to a new news brief. They called me into this room, and they're like, oh, well, we are releasing you from your contract without cause. I said, excuse me. And he just said it again. We're releasing you from your contract without cause. And I said, if I done something, we're releasing you. They just kept saying the same sentence over and over.

And now that I had to let people go, I know that's how it works when you have to, you know, do a force rank and let people go whether they make too much money or whatever. So I was devastated. And the main thing with me, the reason of how I learned this lesson, because I'm not sure I would have handled it well, I had to sign paperwork that said, as long as you say that this. This was a joint decision that we left on amicable terms. We will pay you for a year because I had a non-compete clause and I was in television. It looks bad to lose a big news anchor. So I was forced to do it the first time I was let go, which probably did a wonderful service for me because then I didn't have a choice to because I wanted to keep getting that paycheck. So my counsel to people who are let go is you have to do, you think it's all about you.

And you five years from now needs you to get your stuff together and choose the right language. So this is about you. You don't have to take it outside of you, but you, you five years from now, need you to handle this right. So if you're angry, you got to keep it to yourself.

You find one person that you trust. You can say it out loud and go and go and go and go all you want. You can tell them that so-and-so's horrible and they can't believe that they kept them and you can say that you didn't like your boss and you can say somebody's fat, you can say whatever you want to one person,

get it off your chest. But not to everybody. Not to everybody. You really need to set yourself up for success. So your future self will thank you for it. So keep it about you. And then you down the road it needs you to handle it. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app.

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with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachiatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes. You know, how do people know, And just because of how much adversity you've faced, I feel like you're really set up to answer this question. How do you know when it's time to get a professional person involved? Because I feel like a lot of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, job loss, death in their families. How do you know when it isn't just, okay, I'm just angry and I can manage this over time versus I need to speak to a doctor? Yeah, there are something you can't get through on your own.

And when it is affecting your life and you're to a point where you're not functioning, you're not functioning well in society, which society is your room right now because we're on a small tiny societies. But when you are not functioning well, like you're or you're having dark thoughts, you need to get help. So when you start thinking, I can't get through this and I might as well not be here, that's a scary thought. And, you know, I've been there. And I'll tell you, that's when I knew that I needed help bigger than me. And it's really hard to see it in the moment. So that's why you do need one person. that you can reach out to and just say everything, all the crazy stuff that's in your head. You need one person to do all that with. And then if you do have dark thoughts, if you do feel defeated, if you do feel like you're not going to get out of bed, if you're not functioning, just functioning through your day, then you need to get help. And there are professionals out there who are psychiatrists or psychologists or counselors. There's also life coaches.

There are people and lots of, just because you don't have a degree on your wall, does it mean someone can't help you through this? I truly believe that there are people out there who want to help, and it's worth it to open yourself up. It is hard to ask for help, especially if you've been highly successful, and this is the first time you've gone through something like this. But if you're having thoughts of harming yourself or checking out or you're not functioning in society after a day or so, you're going to reel for a day, all of it's going to be bad. When you first get let go, like your whole brain doesn't work for a while. It just is anytime we're going in a direction in our lives and someone's, you're going. changes that direction for us without us having any say in it, it is very difficult to regroup.

So give yourself 24 hours or so or 48 hours. But then if you're still not in a healthier place, I highly recommend help. And there's a lot of, there's all sorts of help online. There's free counseling in many cases. If you get let go, they actually usually offer you counseling. A lot of large corporations from large companies will actually make that part of the, you know, the package. And in these furlough situations, too, I know they're offering it a lot.

Wow, that's amazing. And it is so important. And there is nothing to be ashamed of to ask for help. The day that I got fired, I had a nervous breakdown. And the next thing I did was I posted about it. I said, I am really hurting and I need your help. If I've ever helped you in business, I really need you today. And I'll tell you, putting that post up and asking for help on such a large scale brought me so many opportunities. But otherwise, people wouldn't have known that I was even fired, much less looking for work or that you we're hurting. There's something about just holding it on yourself and like, I'm okay with this. No one's okay with it. No one is okay with being like, none of us are like, okay, great, I'm happy with that. I'm going to look at it as an opportunity. That is not how it works. Even the people who bounce back, everyone is hurt when you feel like you've given so much to your career and your job and stuff. We get hurt. So yes, reaching out for help. And the help is there. People want to help. And right now in this situation, there are so many people who want to help, people who are just at and feeling like I wish I could help with something, phone a friend. Your friend's going to want to

help you in this situation. There's going to be people who just need to reach out and feel like, oh, you know what I did during the pandemic 2020? I helped a friend who got for a lead. That's going to become their story. You know, everyone's creating their own story. Let people help you and let them have that as part of their story that they reached out and helped you. That's such a nice idea. I love that. What about for, this is an observation that I've seen recently, there are people out there that are panicked about getting fired. They're not fired, but they're projecting that it's going to happen. And I'm almost wishing it would happen for them because they're driving themselves insane with the what if. How do you manage that? What if this next thing?

Something bad's happened. Now, what if the next thing? You see people start spiraling out of control with that. I see a lot of people doing that right now. People that I've worked with in the past and just friends, even, you know, I've talked to my neighbors more than I've talked to anybody, and I've talked to neighbors in years, but just the conversations we've had over fences and from a distance, that is a very real thing that's going through. And it's part of this overall uncertainty. The loss of your job is part of the uncertainty. Am I going to get sick? Is someone I know going to, is my company even going to survive this? I mean, there's all sorts of levels of anxiety around this. And this goes back to the big picture thinking. If your company doesn't survive or if you get let go, that is going to

be what happens and you'll figure out something in five years from now it'll be part of the story that you have you're worrying about at this very moment is not helping you so in any moment where you hit this anxiety i do there's i do two for the head two for the body and i came up with this during the seven trying to help friends so in any moment where you're feeling your anxiety is just through the roof and am i going to get fired i'm going to get fired like you don't know the answer your company doesn't know the answer to that yet i mean this is day by day companies are making really tough calls so no one knows. So it doesn't do any good to worry about it. And no one wants it to happen. It's just the world we're in right now. So two things. One is what you're doing right now helping or harming you.

Like if you're binge watching TV and freaking out because the news is so bad, turn off the TV. If you're going down a rabbit hole and looking at all the different people who've been let go and stop looking there, do something else, watch an old movie that you like. Like what you're doing right now, it's either helping or harming you. That's why your anxiety levels high. So that's the first thing. The second thing is, it seems strange, take a few deep breaths. If you're a lion being chased across the safari, the savannah, you can't, you know, take some deep breaths when you're under attack. So it literally changes the chemistry in your body to take a few, three long deep breaths. I usually put my hand over my ears.

Actually hear myself breathing too. So you're like, oh, wait, I'm here. I'm breathing. No one's chasing you right now. No one's going to come steal my babies. I'm fine. You know. So get your head.

in the right place is something helping or harming you and then make a change if you need to and then take a few deep breaths and then seem strange but smile when you smile it's back to what we were talking about earlier when you smile it sends you know chemicals through your body and your brain that you need right now

and if you're having these weird anxiety and all over you can do a reset by is what help is it helping or harming I may need to make a change let me take a few deep breaths let me smile and then you can decide it really it's so quick to reset your thinking. But everyone has that same worry. And the anxiety that is creating when you're worried about getting fired, I think a lot of us are like, I'm a planner. So this is really difficult for me.

I want plan A and plan B and plan C. You really can't make a plan A, plan B, plan C in the situation, because it's changing so fast. So you've got to kind of go with the flow. This is where the resilient piece comes in and know you're going to adapt and change. And we're all in this together. but the anxiety being created by the unknown is physically harming you and bringing down your resilience. It is bringing down your, not just your resilience is the word I've been using it, but it's bringing down your immune system and all the other things that you need right now. So you need to take care of you.

You can't let that get the best of you. Gosh, that's so true. And I actually had been forgetting about that. But when we do get that anxious, that our immune system is hit right away. And it's so critical to protect. I'm taking every freaking vitamin I can find in the world, but all I need to really be doing is calming my breathing down and asking myself is the action that I'm doing right now, helping or harming me. And I like that idea, especially around media, because it's definitely not helping.

No, and I know I did news for 20 years. And like during 9-11 and all those times, you have to just step away from it and turn it off sometimes. Your brain, I mean, it's in our, we weren't, we're animals. Our brain is constantly putting us under attack. when we're constantly looking at bad news. So your brain, you need to give your brain a break. And the reality is when you turn that TV off and you take a few deep breaths and you go, oh, I'm physically okay right now.

There's food in the fridge. I'm not in any pain. I can smile. Let me take a few breaths. Oh, right here in this moment in my house sitting on where I'm sitting, I'm okay. And your whole physiology will change in just a few minutes. I'm not a big meditation person.

I want to be and be a yogi. all that. I'm more of an action person. So I need to say to give me something to do. So if you're like me and you have a hard time with the meditation and quieting and in the midst of this, just stop helping harming. Take a few breaths. Smile. Am I okay right this minute? Okay. I need action. That's who I am. Oh, I'm so with you right there. So if the action is, people want to go out and they want to buy, this is not the end. Your new book, where can they find it? Well, it is available and all of the big stores, Barnes & Noble, books a million, on Amazon, wherever you shop, Indigo books, you can find it there.

Or on any of the e-readers, your Nook or your Kindle or Apple Reader, you can find it there for 99 cents. We made it really easy since most people are at home and have electronic access. We wanted to make sure they could get it as quickly and as easily as they could. So we made it 99 cents as free as we could make it to put it out there for everyone in case these strategies can help them. And I am taking sections of it and doing some on-camera stuff and doing that on-man. my Facebook page. So Nina Sossum and Pogue author is my Facebook page. And so I've been doing just some parts of my keynote speech and parts of what I share and things like this there as well. So

if you like what you hear, you can tune in and hear more there. Oh, Nina, thank you so much. I'm so glad that this book came out right now. Your timing couldn't be better to help so many people. And I really appreciate it. I appreciate you having me on. I do feel like for some reason it was meant to be out in the world. So I'm glad to put it out in the world. And I'm so thankful. for the time with you to spread the message. All right. Check Nina out. You're going to love this book.

I definitely did. We'll be right back. I ask you to try to find your passion. I hope you liked meeting Nina as much as I liked meeting her. Today I want to answer a question that was just brought to me by one of the people that signed up for my June mentorship program. And I actually have three spots still open for July. So message me if you have been wanting to work with me directly.

I would love to have you. The team is unbelievable. We have weekly team meetings every Friday and you get to meet with me individually one-on-one to work towards your goals. Plus, you get daily email access. It's been life-changing. I need to read, you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to read you some of the feedback that I received because I am flipping blown away by it. Okay, here we go. This is from one of my peeps, Sarah Hanks. What can I say about Heather Monaghan's program? Simply put, it has changed my life. For years, I was stuck running on a hamster wheel, exerting a ton of energy and going nowhere. I defined myself by my vocation, and success meant finally impressing the leaders with my creativity and

innovation. I was suffocating. After an org change that resulted in the elimination of my role, I decided it was time to change. I found Heather's program through LinkedIn. During the first team meeting, I was petrified. Everyone was more interesting, had better jobs. I put myself out of their league right off the bat. In my first one-on-one with Heather, I was shone. shaking, but she made me feel comfortable. Yeah. We established five goals for the month, and I was off. I embraced every element of the program, the online course, the daily gratitude, the song, the image, I did it all. As the month passed, I could feel myself getting more confident by the end of the month. My startup was accepted into a technology incubator program.

I impressed the board with my drive-end passion. I was just being myself. The biggest breakthrough was the realization that I created that hamster wheel. Now, with confidence and freedom, I'm able to accomplish much more in 30 days than I ever dream possible. I see my future self as a CEO of a big company and author, a speaker, and every day I'm sprinting in her direction. Oh, that makes me so needless to say, I'm super proud of the work that I've done the past couple months since I've launched the mentoring program. Again, we've got three spots left. We'd love to work with you. So just send a note to Heather at Heathermonahan.com and we will get you signed up. Okay. Now, my June program just ended and actually one of my June mentees sent me a note yesterday and I want to address her

question here in hopes that you can take something from it. So she sent me this note saying, Heather, I know that our program's over, but I need your help. Can you look at this? It was essentially a contractor, an agreement from a potential partner. And she said, and tell me what your thoughts are, should I do this? So here's a thing. When you have social media profiles and, you know, you're an up-and-coming new speaker, you're an up-and-coming new author, up-and-coming new podcast hosts. People are going to target you, right? And it doesn't even have to just be that. It could be a, you know, a multitude of different things. But somehow this person targeted her and reached out on social media saying that he's an agent and wanted to represent her. Okay, that's major red flag. That doesn't happen.

So I was interested. The first thing I did, I went through the PDF that he had sent this agreement, which was, of course, there's fees and you need to pay $1,500 to get started, but that's not for us. It's to set up a great page on our website for you. So I go to the website, and it's this is very low traffic website that took forever to load. And you could see no one's going to that website. Why do you even want to have a page on that site? It made no sense. The whole deck was not about, you know, here are the deliverables.

Here's what you're getting. Here's why this is great for you. The whole deck was about this guy, terrible approach. And so the first thing I did is I went to LinkedIn and I pulled up his profile. The guy looked like he was in his 60s, the CEO of this company. And he had three or four reviews. Okay, that's a major red flag. And think about this with your own profile.

You know, this is how people are evaluated now that we have social proof out there. So he had three or four reviews, none of which were people who he had been their agent, by the way. So then I looked at his activity on LinkedIn. He had 3,000 followers. It's not what he was displaying in this PDF, that he's this CEO, this major company in the music speaking in author industry. So I started thinking, okay, this is really kind of crazy. This can't be the same person, right? So I Google him and I Google his company.

Nothing comes up. So here's the thing. Thankfully, because of the internet, we don't have to do very much work to be able to see when someone's credible or not credible. And I went back to my mentee and I just said, listen, here's the thing. I googled this person. I looked them up on LinkedIn. This is not a viable solution. There is zero social proof that this is going to pay off for you,

as well as the pitch and the agreement says nothing about deliverables for you. So if you're going to make an investment, whether it be $1,500, $3,000, whatever, here would be my recommendation to you. Do it where you're going to get the strongest ROI. To that end, I know this person wants to be a speaker. I said, why don't you go invest in a great, speaker kit, and then you can proactively, once you have it finished, you can send that out as pitches so that you can actually get hired. That will deliver revenues, right? So look at what your

options are. There's endless options, but look at the ones that are going to be most effective, efficient, and deliver the biggest bang for your buck, the strongest ROI for you. And sometimes people get clouded with this idea that, you know, someone's got this, oh, this person's an agent and this person could change my life. But the reality, is that typically doesn't happen. In fact, if you want to get a good agent, which I sure did want to, it took a while. It was hard, right? I stocked her online, and you could see online, she represents the biggest authors in the industry. And there was plenty of press on her. And her website was beyond impressive. And she had stellar authors on her site that she represents.

The social proof was all there. You could see it once you went on. And it took me, oh my gosh, almost a year to sign with her, right? And that's me pitching her, me pitching her. She was never charging me. She was never asking me for money. She was considering and evaluating if I would be the right fit. And then it became a function of if my book proposal was good enough. And she kicked that thing back to me 15 times. So over a year, you know, what I ended up investing in was the editor that helped me revise and improve my book proposal. That ended up being a good investment. That ended up being the way that I could actually land the great agent and then sell the actual book. So again, just use social media, Google people, go to their sites. It's very,

very obvious. And keep that in mind with your profiles, your LinkedIn profile, your online presence. People will do that same thing to you. It's a very simple way to evaluate if someone's the real deal or not. So hopefully that helps. I'm certain that I just saved my girl a little bit of money and hopefully she'll make a better investment with that cash that she was ready to pay this gentleman. So till next week, I hope you keep creating confidence. I will be creating it with you jumping into more unknowns and going for it.