Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #8: Get On Your Heels of Steel with Barbara Kavovit

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

The Real Housewife of New York star and one of Crain's "100 Most Influential Women in Business pops by to talk about how she built her empire from her desire to spread the idea of self reliance to other women to learning not to be the damsel of her own story. And thank you to today's sponsors: FabFitFun = Sign up and $10 off your first box at FabFitFun.com with promo code Confidence Drop = Sign up for Drop and get a $5 gift card with promo code confidence Green Chef = Go to GreenChef.us/Confidence75 to get $75 off the first free boxes! LinkedIn =Go to LinkedIn.com/Confidence to goet $50 off your first job post Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this link and when you DM me the screenshot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you! Click here to review! My book Confidence Creator is available now! Get it right here ! If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! DM your questions for the show Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Thank you for listening to this Podcast One production. Available on Apple Podcasts and Podcast One. Each week when you join me here, Podcast One, you're going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's your journey with me. Welcome back. I'm so excited you're joining me for creating confidence today. So a few things I want to jump right in on.

I just open my first ever 2019 Fab FitFat. the summer box. I just got it. And I have to tell you, it's unbelievable. It's literally like Christmas morning. You don't, I walked into my house. There's a package here. It's all for me. And it's so exciting. I am in love with this Grace and Stella spray all day, rose spray. I'm big into sense. I love lavender, rose. Any really calming and beautiful scent makes me feel fantastic and really elevates my mood. I also am obsessed with this Brazilian bummer. bum cream. If you have never used this, oh my gosh, get this box now. It's sick. Like, I didn't even know this existed. Where have I been living? So the cream smells amazing. It's so moisturizing.

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I just can't even put into words, and I have to share it with you, even though it's just, it's tragic to relive it. But here we go. Actually, I shouldn't say that. There's also been some really high moments, too, that have kind of blown me away. But I guess, you know, such is life, right? We're going to have some very low moments and some very. high moments. So as you know, my son was going away to sleepaway camp for the first time. And I drove him

to Orlando on Sunday, which was a four-hour ride. And then got him situated. Things seemed good. I came back. I got home. It was about 9 o'clock at night. And he called and he was really upset. He and the boy that he was rooming with, he didn't know. And they had a disagreement. And, you know, it just kind of unraveled from there, and it ended up that my son was alone and didn't have a roommate, and it was, you know, he's only 12. And it was just a mess. And I was flying to L.A. the next day. And it's one of those moments as a parent, you don't really know what to do because you can't go get someone that's four hours away.

That's not happening. And you want to teach and instill confidence and the ability to stick things out and try new things. But at the same time, your child is not 18 and only 12. and it's scary and you want to make sure they're safe and they feel safe and being alone on a major campus when you had anticipated being in a friendly situation can be pretty intense at that age. So it was some very difficult nights and ultimately living on his own in a college campus was not what we had signed up for. And my ex-husband ended up going to get him because I had to fly out to L.A. the next day.

Before that happened, it just, it was really hard at night for him sleeping. So I stayed on the phone with my son at night. And it just, it was a tough couple of days. And he ended up getting to go home with his father early. He left the camp early, which stunk because obviously that was not the experience we had hoped for. However, we all had agreed in the end that he just didn't want to live in a college dorm alone at 12. And it just wasn't ending, it was ending up being a really hard negative experience instead of this. positive one that we had anticipated and planned for. Okay, so pivot. You know, those are the moments. I'm not going to lie, I spent a lot of this week crying. It was really, really sad. But my son is fine and thank goodness, you know, things worked out. He's safe. He's fine. And, you know, we're back at it again. Now, I left, I went to Orlando, back to Orlando, got home, woke up the next day. I flew to L.A. and I was able to work with my podcast, one team on some different projects and concepts for our show, as well as I filmed a number of shows. I think we did five or six shows to get a bunch done so that they're ready. The interviews are ready to go,

which is really intense. And I'll tell you what's so weird. I've read more books in the past month, two months than I think I have in my whole life. I mean, this has just been crazy because so many people have a book and I'm a firm believer that if you're going to have a guest on your show, you want it to be relevant and interesting. And in order to make it interesting and relevant, you need to have some insight into the individual, right? So I've been reading a lot of books and a lot of really good books. Actually, our guest today has an amazing book. I really love, surprisingly. So I can't wait to get into that. But it's just, it's been a lot of work, a lot more work than I anticipated. And part of that reason is because I firmly believe in face-to-face

connection. You know, I had done a number of podcasts prior to having my own show, and the best ones were the ones I was sitting next to someone. Now, this is no different than sales. If you can be in front of someone, you can read their body language, you can connect with them, you can understand where they're coming from. It's just so much more impactful and positive. So I've been flying all around to film my shows, and I actually left L.A. to go to Irvine to do another show with actually to go on David Meltzer's show, which was amazing. And that was another debacle. We were supposed to do both, I was going to go on his show, he was going to go on my show,

but it ended up he was stuck in traffic and was delayed an hour and I had a flight to catch. So bottom line, I did his show. And then I said, you know what? I'll come back to L.A. next month and we'll pick this up again. And so we'll reboot and pick that up there. I jumped on a flight. I left Irvine and went to Atlanta. And a really cool thing is I got to stay with two of my best friends.

from back home who now live, who are married and live in Atlanta, I stayed with them and their kids, had a really fun night one night and woke up in the morning and flew out to Norfolk, Virginia, to do a keynote speech. What was interesting about this speech is that it was back in the industry that I was fired from, you know, over a year and a half ago. So it was the Virginia Association of Broadcasters annual event, and they welcomed me as their keynote speaker. I made it 30 minutes before start time. Everything was great. I felt really good about the presentation.

I did a 90-minute presentation on the game-changing power of confidence creation and really applied it to their workplace and some of the techniques that they can implement to help their efficiencies and growth at the office and at work and with innovation and collaboration. So I thought, you know, it went really well. I got great feedback. I ran out of there to catch a flight so I could go back to it, like, and said there were no direct flights to Miami. My flight was delayed for hours.

I was stuck in the airport and ultimately made it back late into Atlanta at night. Went back to my friend's house for the night and woke up first thing this morning and grabbed a flight to Miami, picked up my son, and we are finally back home. So it's kind of been a whirlwind. One thing that I didn't mention that was so crazy that happened during all this chaos this week is that while I was on the road, I'm really big. to posting on LinkedIn and creating content on LinkedIn. It's just been such a growth mechanism for me and platform for me.

So I posted a bunch of pictures that were professional pictures that were taken of me at a speech I gave a couple weeks ago. And it was just like any other post. I didn't think it was anything big. And I posted these pictures with a very short comment that essentially said something like this. It said, you know, really blown away. about this week, big week, five cities, five days. So excited to be going back to the industry.

I was fired from a little over a year and a half ago to be the keynote speaker for an industry association event. One takeaway here is just never give up because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. And that was really all the post was, but the post went viral. And I've never had a real viral post before. It's so crazy. You just start looking at your phone and the numbers just multiply every second they start multiplying. And I believe I'm near a million views right now on LinkedIn on my post. And I just, I can't even believe it's so funny why that post, I have no idea. I wish I knew what made it viral. But one thing I do know is posting every day and committing to creating content that adds value, shares my insights, and just showcase.

is who I am has been a great investment in use of my time. It's allowed for opportunities for me to convert people to now listen to my podcast, to hire me from my keynote, to buy my book, to buy my course. You know, there's so many, it's such a great opportunity. And if you're not elevating yourself on LinkedIn, oh my gosh, start now because I don't have some special recipe. However, my post just reached a million people. I mean, that's just mind blowing, right? So get on LinkedIn, update your profile, showcase your highlight real, and just be who you are and share it with the world and watch how good things start happening. In all of the chaos and craziness this week, it ends up being a really successful week, and I'm feeling so good about the show that you're

about to jump into with me. My guest is one of these women that, unfortunately, as you know, I've been in situations in corporate America where I worked with women that were pretending to support other women, but it was total BS, not real at all. And this woman, my next guest, actually is someone who supports other women in a really genuine, caring, kind way. She was so fast to give me her cell phone number and text me and ask, you know, can you come to my event in New York? And when can we get together? And how can I help you? And just such a cool, real lady. I really enjoyed meeting with her. And she really dropped a lot of knowledge. I took away a lot from this interview. I know you will. And it's kind of cool to

peel the curtain back and look behind the scenes in Real Housewives of New York because we see all this insanity on TV and you wonder how much is real, you know, how much is just for, you know, the drama commitment that they have to Bravo. But my next guest is really going to share it all with us. She's such an amazing woman. I can't wait for you guys to meet Barbara Kay and learn so much about her, her rise to success, her major failures, and her bounce back, more importantly, because that's the name of the game. There is no real success without failure. It's just how you pick yourself back up. And this woman has done exactly that. And I can't wait for her to share it with you. So you got to hang with me. But before we jump out, I have one more important

thing to share with you. Do you want to get paid to shop? Yes, please. Sign me up. Want to take shopping to the next level? Yeah, of course. Let me tell you about Drop. It's the free app that gives out cash rewards for shopping every day. All you have to do is link your debit and credit card to the app when you sign up. Select the stores you shop at the most and you'll earn points each time you spend there. Before you know it, you can redeem points for gift cards, for Amazon gift cards, Sephora, Lulu lemon, countless more. Drop is incredibly easy to use and design for people who want their money to go as far as possible. That's me. The more you spend, the more drop gets to know you. Shop the brands you love and discover the ones you're about to love. It's so personalized and the shopping

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It's just frustrating to see that I was spending money when I could have been spending money and making money at the same time. You know, I go to Starbucks every morning. I could have been making money off that. I constantly buy things on Amazon. I'm constantly, you know, there's these certain brands that I'm always shopping with. And now with Drop, I'm actually making money while I spend my money. For a limited time, if you head to the app store or Google Play and sign up for Drop using the code, confidence, you'll receive a $5 gift card right away. Make sure to link a debit or credit card to the app when you sign up.

That's how you're going to redeem your reward. So you've got to head to the app store now. Download it to your phone. Use the code confidence to get the $5 gift card right away and start getting paid to shop. I'm so excited for you. Hi, and we're back. I'm so excited for you to meet my next guest, Barbara Kavit, aka Barbara K. I can't believe you nailed my name.

I did. That means so much. To me, people love to hear their names said correctly. You know, I was on the Andy Cohen's Watch What Happened Live. Oh my gosh. I love him. A few weeks ago. Okay.

And I swear to God, he said my last name 50 times. And maybe on the 50th, he got it right. But what is good about him because clearly he doesn't enunciate properly, he did endorse the heck out of your book. He did. And I love him for that. Love him for that. He had such a great quote.

And he, you know, like, big. shout out on the show. That's a good friend. All awesome. So Barbara, for my listeners that haven't read your book like I have, they haven't read Heels of Steel, they don't know who you are, they don't watch Real House

Wives of New York, can you tell my peeps about you? Yeah, well, I started a construction company right out of college because I heard my mom and her friends just gather around the table bashing their husbands saying that, oh, my husband hasn't done this, and my partner hasn't done this, and the handyman hasn't shown.

up and I was like, well, you ladies should know how to do these things yourself. So I started a home improvement business standing outside of a shopping center. I made some business cards at a local print shop, stood outside of a shopping center and I went up to women and said, is there any repairs or fixes that you need done in your home? Like, is your faucet leaking? Is your toilet But how did you know how to fix things? I didn't know how to fix anything. I didn't know how to fix anything. But what I did do was I looked in the local paper and I said, okay, I'm selling these services. I need to find these guys, the carpenters, the electricians, the plumbers to do the work. So I would look and help wanted section of the local paper and I would call up the carpenters and I would say, listen, I have the jobs.

I'm going to bring you to the jobs. You're going to get work from me and I'm going to make the difference. I'm going to charge the homeowner $200 and you're going to charge me $150 and I'm going to make sure that the job is. neat and clean and done perfectly and the homeowner doesn't have to talk to you, Mr. Plummer, with a crack in his jeans. You know, she's going to talk to like cute little me. Okay, I want to highlight something here for my people listening. What you just did, you saw a white space and you jumped in on, this is so important in business,

that Barbara identified a need in the marketplace because women didn't want to talk to these men with the pants falling down and they felt scared bringing them into their home. Barbara saw that as a need and she filled that void. You didn't know how to fix the problem yourself. So you created a different solution. You jumped in and I think that's brilliant. Yeah. I mean, what I saw was there was an intimidation.

Women were intimidated in their own home. So my mom couldn't fix anything in her own home. And being a young woman who just graduated from college, I was like, no woman should ever be a damsel in distress. So to me, it was about being self-sufficient. independent in your own space. And that's what I couldn't understand how my mom and her friends didn't feel that way. Did you learn to fix things along the way? Yes. Yes. You know, the funniest thing is that there's always something in your childhood that you're not sure that it was important at the time,

but then years later, you're like the light bulb goes off in your head. And when I was nine, I was playing with the Barbie dolls in our apartment in the Bronx. And my dad, comes through the front door with a bunch of two by fours, wood, two by fours. And we lived in a small apartment in the Bronx. And he said, I said, Dad, what's going on here? What are you doing? He goes, well, we're going to build bunk beds for you and your sister to sleep on. So you have more room in your bedroom, and you're going to help me do it.

So he handed me a hammer. And there he was holding the two by fours together. And I'm nailing, you know, the nail with the hammer. And I was just like, it was such a feeling, now that I look back on it, like this, my father, who was, you know, to me, like the greatest gift in the world. I have the best dad, took his time to teach me how to build, you know, and it was the greatest gift because it was such a feeling of self-esteem for a young girl to learn how to make something, to sleep on something, and to accomplish something. Wow, that is, I wonder if your father understood him making the

time and investment in you build your confidence, but then teaching you. to create something of value, created confidence for you too? You know, I think he really did. Like, he really instilled this, this empowerment message in me. He always, he had two daughters, and he was always like,

you girls can do whatever you set your mind to do. You know, and he wasn't, we weren't, we didn't come from anything. He just really believed in the power of doing it yourself. He believed in DIY, before DIY was even an accident. You know, so. So, okay, so you started this side business

where you, You were really the middleman, for lack of a better term. And then how did you transition from there to where we are today, this massive construction company? Well, you know, I always believe that you have to have a dream. If you're an entrepreneur, you have to forecast and kind of think into the future. Yes. So I saw a company. You know, I envisioned myself as the CEO of a company.

But, okay, so how do I get there? So what I did was I started to call the largest corporations in my neighborhood, in the Westchester County neighborhood, IBM, Reader's Digest, Coca-Cola. I was just going through the Fortune 50. I grabbed my dad's stockbook, and I was like, who are the biggest companies in Westchester County? And I said, okay, well, these companies must need things done in their own, in their offices. So I went from doing these little odd jobs in Mrs. Burmbaum and Mrs. King's home to calling IBM to thinking, well, they have the same problem. They can't get things done in their offices. So I ended up with a two-year contract at IBM's corporate headquarters. But after I called them for six straight months. So you cold called, you persevered, you were getting nose, nose for six months. Yeah. And finally you got a small yet. I was getting no return phone calls for six months.

But that didn't deter you. No. And that is one of the lessons that you need to learn. Like a lot of people will just give up. Of course. They don't call me back. I'm done. Oh no. They didn't work out. Yeah. It didn't work out. But I, and that's why I think after my successes and failures, even when I fail, I'll say, okay, I just have to do it all over again. And I already know what it's going to take to get there. Like the first time you don't know. So there's nothing of fear, but fear itself. So I just was like this young girl and I was like, you know, I had my first cell phone. You know, I had a cell phone before anybody had a cell phone, I think. And then I joined an organization called Professional Women in Construction in New York City. How is there such a thing? How was there such a thing?

There was an older woman whose family was in the construction business and she started this organization. And it was like myself and three other members. Wow. And I was the only woman that actually owned a construction business. construction company. So a developer, there was a huge project in Wehawk in New Jersey that was shut down by the unions. And the developer said, well, I'm going to hire this woman. She'll come in and negotiate. Oh, this sounds familiar to me. Yes. Yes, I read the book. Yeah. So, you know, the book is really based on, you know, everything that's happened to me. That's why I say heels of steel. You know,

you have to keep walking. You have to keep talking. You have to keep forging ahead. And, you know, your heels, even though they get worn down, you know, I keep getting them fixed. Like I go to the shoe store and I get them fixed over and over and over again because you need heels of steel. Like you just, it's a metaphor, you know, even though it wears you down, the heels eventually wear down, my heels never did because I kept just forging ahead. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with Luxe Essentials that feel effortless and look polished.

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The image, by the way, in the book, because our listeners can't see this right now, and visually you've got to see, that it's actually a building as the heel. And that's such a powerful message once you read the book and understand, you know, exactly what transpired for you. You just mentioned failing. And when we're talking about some of the stories in Heels of Steel in your book, I'm thinking about the marriage and how business started falling apart when he was placing the union workers and you were in the car.

And I don't want to get too much detail and give away the whole thing. But for you, in that moment, when you knew you were. looking at failure essentially, how do you reboot and pick yourself up after you'd worked so hard to build this company and everything was falling down? You know, that's a good question. I think a lot of it comes from my dad. You know, I mean, I saw, he was not financially and as far as professionally. He was not like this super successful guy and he had a lot of ups and downs. But the one thing that he always continued to have in the same thing with my mother. It was always the ability to get up and do it again in the morning. Like no matter what you never, and this is what I live by,

don't think about yesterday. Learn from your mistakes from yesterday or the day before, but don't dwell on anything that is negative. Just continue to move forward and forge ahead because I really do believe if you keep taking those steps to move forward, no matter what it is. Like, don't look sideways, don't look backwards, use your experiences from the past, but just keep moving forward. You will eventually get to where you need to go. I truly believe that. And my mom, like when certain things happened in my life, like when I was 10, she took me swimming. Like, I was part of this red cross and it would be raining and she'd be like, get out there and swim. Like, those types of things. Disciplined. Discipline. It's all about discipline, determination.

Moxie, you know, how do you communicate? How do you sell yourself? What, you know, your passion for what you're doing. It's all, I mean, I love building. I think, you know, the ability to create something from nothing or transform something that's been dilapidated and needs to be rehabilitated is just an unbelievable talent to have, you know, to be able to come on to a job site and work with men to coordinate them and, you know, build something beautiful. Build businesses, build enterprises. I mean, when I think about, you know, the offices that we all sit in and how we, you know, work every day, it's because of companies like mine. It's amazing. But it didn't, you weren't born into some big company and your father handed you the company and you're running it. You created this from this

very small opportunity that you started when you graduated college, just trying to figure out how to make some money and fix some problems around women's houses. Yeah, I mean, I started with $60 in my, you know, that was for the business cards. And it was literally, if you have no resources, the business cards. It said, don't fuss call us. That's a good tagline. Yeah. And, you know, it was so, because I didn't have any money for advertising or I didn't really know anyone, what do you do? If you believe in something enough, you stand outside, you spread the word. How do you spread the word? You go up to people, You go up to your target market. My target market was women.

You know, I wanted to talk to them about the problems they had in their home. And, you know, 10 years, 15 years later, it was $100 million business. Wow, that is mind-blowing. And what's interesting is, and you just laid out for everybody, very succinct, simplistic business principles. If you don't have advertising dollars, you know, who is that target audience? How can I reach them? And you were doing it hanging outside of grocery stores years ago.

Today, you've gone on real housewives of New York. doing the same thing to reach the audience now to connect them to heels of steel yeah i mean that was when i was asked to do real housewives of new york a light bulb went off in my head you know i could either stand outside and wave my book heels of steel or i can go on one of the most successful franchises and tv shows on reality tv today and that's what i did and you know it creates an awareness much quicker than if i were just walking the streets or advertising or, you know, spreading the word on Facebook or, you know, I'd have to pay for that. Now it's like instantaneous fans who get to know me through this vehicle.

And if they like me, they want to learn more about me. And it's really more than just meets the eye. I mean, I'm really an entrepreneur. I'm really someone that promotes women in business, believes in women should always be independent, own their own homes, or, you know, be self-sufficient, or, you know, be self-sufficient, or rent their own homes or if they're in a bad relationship, leave that relationship. How is that for you when you are in a bad relationship leaving it? You know, in the beginning, you don't want, you want to control the situation and do whatever

you can to try and improve it. But it's hard to do those things if there's only one person participating. And as much as you want to save something, if the other person does not have the same goal, it's impossible. And sometimes you, you're not. You know, you realize it's more than, you know, just yourself. There's other, there's people that have illnesses in their minds, you know, and they don't necessarily understand or comprehend what's, what, what their problems are. So for you, you were becoming accepting of that other person's problems, and that is what allowed you to separate.

Yeah. I was, you know, I finally realized that these problems are never going to change because of who that person is. That's a hard realization to have. It is. It is. And my mom helped me do it because she made me realize and that's why I'm so patient with people and accepting of others because I truly believe that not everybody has the same talent.

As a matter of fact, nobody has the same talent. Of course. You know, and you really have to, and this is what I've worked on, is that I've really dug deep in my life to know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at. And what I'm good at, I try and enhance. And what I'm not good at, I try and hire the people that are. good at it, you know, better than me at least. Well, it's something that you're really good at. I think people know from listening right now, obviously you're great at construction, construction creating

building. However, I said this as soon as I met you, you're an amazing writer. Thank you. I love to write. You know, again, I have to go back to high school. Like, I didn't do well in high school. I got C's across the board and the only class I did well in was creative writing. I got an A in. And, you know, sometimes you, people have to think, what was I good at? What is it in me that I was naturally born good at? And writing is something that I'm a naturally good writer and I'm a really great entrepreneur. Well, some people don't, I think so many entrepreneurs didn't necessarily succeed, quote, unquote, in education because it is a very black and white world where entrepreneurials, you have to be someone who could navigate in the dark and the grays and the unknown. You hit the nail on the head.

I mean, it's really, you know, I was not a good student. And you really have to embrace what you're good at. I always felt bad about myself because I was never someone who did well in school. And the harder I worked, it seemed, at a course, the worse I did. Right. It was almost like I was defutil. Yeah. It was like it didn't make any sense for me to even study 10 hours because my brain only, you know, processed.

an hour of information. But when it comes to business and being able to build, not only construction, but build businesses, it's almost like I'm a natural born singer or actress. It just comes to me. And that's why I love helping women with it. And so along the way through, even with the housewives, you know, I've gotten so many messages from people, how did you start your business? Can you give me any advice and how to start a business and hey maybe one day i'll do a podcast too on that i think you should what is the advice you would give someone on how they start a business i think really it's first of all you have to be honest with yourself what are you good at you know what are you passionate about um and when you understand what your strengths and weaknesses are that's the first step in understanding

some people aren't made to be entrepreneurs some people are made to work in corporate America and they do really well or some people are made to um be singers and actresses and you know and then there's some people like me that are born entrepreneurs that I don't want to read you know um legal documents and that kind of thing I want to give it to my lawyers but I understand what it's like to coordinate to schedule to put together people to um but and and also understand like big organizations financials, communication skills, how to write. Those are all really important skills, but you don't have to be experts in them.

You just have to know how to do each one, but you don't have to be experts in each of those fields. Like finance, I'm good with numbers, but like you would never see me as a financial analyst and a corporation. Right. You know. That wouldn't be fun. Yeah. But heels of steel is really, you know, it's just such, first of all, I'm so passionate about this book because it's, based on my story, based on my experiences, based on my life, that I felt so passionate about

telling someone that I didn't come from a rich family. I came from a very middle class family. I didn't come from, nobody gave me anything. Nobody handed me an investment and said, oh, here, start your business. It was never like that. It was like using my own mind, my own hands, my own legs, to, you know, to write, to speak, to walk, to, you know, promote, to do all those things that you have to do. But did you know all of those things along the way were in your wheelhouse, meaning I didn't know I would be a strong entrepreneur because I was in corporate America for so long. I didn't even have that vision to look beyond it. Sometimes people are in a certain situation and they believe that's all there is. So how did you connect those dots to know you

would be great at writing in addition to creating and constructing and everything else. You know, that's a good question. I think sometimes, you know, you have, like, I've had huge failures in my life. You know, I've gone bankrupt before. Like, I've made millions of dollars and then seven years later broke living at home. Yikes. So it's those... Living at home with your parents.

Yeah. And it's those situations that give you the knowledge to know that you have. this perseverance and this determination. I mean, it's not going to happen in your 20s or not necessarily in your 30s. You know, it didn't happen to me until I was 40 that I started to like connect the dots. So embrace, you know, now that I've looked back on it, I have to, I embraced my failure by learning, my failures from learning from those failures and realizing what did I do wrong and how can I change it. It's the people that say, oh no, I'm, I'm perfect. I did it all right. and it's everybody else's fault.

I mean, you know, take responsibility, you know, for what you did right and what you did wrong and try and learn from it and move on. And so that's my advice to people is to, you know, if you're in a situation and it's not going the right way, well, then try and make a change, you know, a slow change. Try and explore different avenues. Don't stay in things that make you, whether it's a relationship or whether it's a job or no matter what it is, you have to find it within your own, you know, strength to make changes. Because if you don't, then, you know, I don't know how else to.

It's not going to happen. Yeah, it's not going to happen. All right. Before we continue, I have got to get into this. You know how I feel about LinkedIn. I'm obsessed. Just check out my post with over a million views. Hello, viral. I'm so excited. But LinkedIn is where I hang. That's where I spend my time. And anyone who's in business is on LinkedIn. So you need to fish where the fish are. If you're looking to hire talent, the idea of running an ad in the paper or even a job board is passe. Those days are over. You need to be on the social platform that has 610 million members looking for work, looking to showcase their talents and looking to connect and network with other business professionals. This is the hub. It's where it's happening. It's where I am every day. I get so many speaking engagements from LinkedIn. I get so many amazing networking opportunities. I found my admin on LinkedIn.

You know, if you want to find your talent, if you want to hire talent, this is the place to do it. The old ways are for the old days, okay? Let's move over to LinkedIn now. In fact, I mean, it's just unbelievable the new solutions that they have for you. If you're looking for talent, you really need to take a look at LinkedIn as the job solution. It's just hiring isn't as simple as it was. back in the old days, you have to think in a social mindset. You're trying to grow your business. You know

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first job post, go to LinkedIn.com slash confidence. Again, that's LinkedIn.com slash confidence to get $50 off your first job post. Terms and conditions may apply. You've got to check it out, though, because this is where you can find the really talented people that might not be that happy in their current job. Maybe they're working for an evil villain like I was, and you're just going to pluck them right out of there. I can't wait for you to give it a shot.

You're going to love it. How did you start in writing? And I think that this is interesting for people to understand. It wasn't that you had some grandiose idea one morning. woke up, I'm going to be an author. Right. Well, I actually have, besides writing for the post for six years, I actually have two other books that I published, How to Books. One is called Room for improvement, and the other is called Invest in Your Nest. And that was still really about me explaining to written by a woman for a woman that you can improve and enhance your home with not that much

money and you can still make yourself comfortable and live with style. And also you can, and invest in your nest, it was all about how to stake your claim in real estate. Like, take every penny that you can possibly save and invest it in real estate. Because there's nothing greater than owning your own home and fixing up your own home and creating equity in your own home. So I already had that writing bug and I always thought about writing a novel and writing my story, but I was literally sitting outside of my house in the Hamptons. And it was just burning like the words, were coming out of me. And I started to just type on my, on my computer. And before I knew it, I had 14,000 words written. And I was introduced to an agent, and she read the 14,000 words. And she was

like, this is a really interesting story. And so she hired a writer for me at that point. And because it was a novel, typically, you can't get a deal with a major publisher without having the full manuscript. But the writer and I spent so much time developing. the characters and developing my character, developing the other characters in the book, that when we were finished with half the manuscript, I ended up getting a deal with Harper Collins. Wow, that's huge. It was really amazing. It just goes to show it doesn't have to be one way.

You explain that books are only sold when they're written in completion for a novel. However, you were able to take it, pitch it, and get it done. Yeah, I mean, it is the norm that most novels are given, are green lit when you have a full manuscript. But you know what? There are rules that are broken and this rule was broken. I mean, I believe so strongly in this story. And this story to me is, you know, when somebody reads about Bridget Steele, who is the main character in the book, they are going to absolutely love her. You love her and you go on the journey with her and you can relate to her so much. So when she was standing on the dock negotiating with the head of the union, can you give us some of those tactics that

you used in that negotiation because you won in the end and it was scary to the wire. Yeah. I mean, the negotiation was really, that's what it was, a negotiation. It was, you know, we were on a, there was a job site and there was a project staring me in the face that I was potentially going to get. And this guy was deterring, you know, this guy was preventing me from getting this project. So they shut the job down because the developer could not afford the union. wages for all the people, and he wanted to figure out an alternative way to do it. So he came to

me to be the spokesperson, really, for him. So I went into the union hall, and I said, how about we match men? I take one of your guys, and you give me one of my guys or our guys, and we'll have work harmony. We'll have lots of people working. It'll be a robust job site. And at first, he didn't like the idea. You know, he was like, what do I need to give you? He was like, what do I need to you anything for you you're nobody i was like oh honey i am somebody and it's all about that confidence so i was you know and that's the other thing i have to say you know fake it till you make it i was like oh do you know what i do i build i have that white forde a conalon van in the parking lot with a gang box and 50 power tools in it we are going to do this so it's all about you know real and this is

how I do it on Real Housewives of New York. You know, everybody's like, well, how come you don't like scream and yelling at all ruffled? Because you get more from being, you know, a little bit of sugar sometimes. You know, you can be stern. You can be confident. You can have, you know, your strength without screaming and pointing in somebody's face and still get your message across. In fact, I am a firm believer that when you scream and get emotional, you're giving that other

person all of your power. conversely, if you choose to give it some time and calm down, and this happened today, I got a really nasty email from someone. They thought they were sending it to someone else written about me. And I was, my heart was racing when I read it. I was so hurt that a friend would do this to me, but I said, you know what? I'm putting that email away and I'll deal with this tomorrow, because if I responded to that individual today, it would be emotional and upset. And I know tomorrow I'll be calm and I can be calculating and I can figure out how do I want to handle how am I going to leverage this to my advantage now that I have this knowledge and it's really about take emotion out of business

that's you know one of the most important tips that you can give someone I always say and you did it process the information take your time to process it don't rush to respond but then you know once you've processed it and really understood where it's coming from then respond and do it in a very methodical, you know, intelligent, productive way. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Takayatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Takayatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations,

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happening on this show. No, but in your life you do, you actually started another business years ago where you created a line of tools for women. Yes, yes. The line of tools is called Barbara Kay and today it's called Diva by Barbara Kay and it was really taking me back when I first started in my early 20s, those women that were so, you know, intimidated by tools and by getting things done in their home, well, give them a great set of tools, hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench, hex keys, a tape measure, a flashlight, interchangeable screwdriver, and not only give them the tools, give them a great bag to put it in and give them a little guidebook so they can understand how to take each tool and perform a task in their house and accomplish their goal.

Every young woman needs this. Every woman needs a toolkit, their own toolkit, not their partner, their husband, their fathers, their uncles, their own toolkit. You know, and some people say, well, why do I need my, why can't I just use a man's, you know, and any hammer? Well, you know, how do you not understand, you have to understand the things to do with a hammer. You know, What are the things that you can do to make your home beautiful with a hammer? You know, it's all about thinking in terms of that. Well, a hammer just sits in your draw, but did you know you can hang a picture with a hammer? Did you know that you can fix?

You know, you can, if there's a nail sticking out of the floor, you can take it and tap it. Like there are things to do in your home that you're always like, oh, I wish I can get them done. Take a tool and jump in and do it yourself. Yeah. And accomplish your goal. Feel empowered that you didn't have to spend 100. dollars to call a handyman, you know, or waste the time to wait. That's a confidence building moment instead of deferring and leaning on someone else to help

you standing up and helping yourself. Help yourself. And that's it. And you know, even like the smallest things that you do at home to fix things or improve your own home, it's like such a confidence booster. It's like, makes you feel like proud. Yeah. I don't need anyone to help me.

I'll go get that job. I'll, you know, take care of that car and, you know, get the oil changed. in. I don't need, you know, somebody to help me. It's really empowering. Every, every woman should be able to understand how to do things for themselves or at least how to talk intelligently, because like you said, a few minutes ago, knowledge is power. It definitely is in knowledge is one of the ways to create confidence. You seem so confident today sitting here with you. Was there ever a time in your life where you really struggled with confidence? Yeah. I mean, you know, I can't say, I've always known that I have the power.

You know, unfortunately, there are obstacles that get in the way of power, one's power, one's spirit. You know, there are things that could bring you down, make you depressed, make you sad, make you feel like you're not worthy, take yourself esteem away. There are so many things in life that could make you feel bad about yourself or depressed. But, you know, coming from a place of my strength is all about. your inner strength how badly do you want it how much do you want to succeed your determination your energy and and being able to you know grab a mentor and and you know talking to someone and having that person be on that same page as you and not surrounding yourself by people that

tell you can't or you won't like keep keep that out of your life and you know so yeah there were times. There were times where I, like I said, I didn't have two nickels to rub together. I had to move home. I had a back operation. My dad passed away. I mean, so many things that, you know, it's hard. And all I could say is, you know, if you need the time, take the time. You know, take that time to rebuild, just like when you, if you break your arm, you know, your arm is, it's like the same type of thing. You need time to rebuild to get your bones better. It's the same thing with your brain. Sometimes you need to just like not do anything and take a moment for yourself to rebuild. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do. I find if I'm feeling like that, I keep myself even

busier because to stop and really think and process what's going on can be hard. Yeah. I mean, it really depends on, I'm the same way. I cannot, you know, stop. Like even when I was broke in my parents' house, like I was still doing business. Like my parents would say, well, what kind of business are you're doing. You're not making any money. But to me, it was still the act of doing the business. It wasn't like I was bringing in revenue or anything, but it wasn't like I was getting atrophy either. So even when you break an arm, you're going to physical therapy. You're working it. You got to continue to work your brain and keep it moving. So that's what I was saying earlier, always keep it moving. You know, you might need a minute, but keep it moving. Write something down.

go out, you know, explore research, whatever it is. Don't stop dead in your tracks. So what does that vision look like for you for your future now? Well, I'm going to take heels of steel and I'm going to make it into a TV series and or a major feature film. And I'm going to write another novel because Bridget's going and she's building. She's building, you know, not only skyscrapers, but she's building other things too. And I think Bridget's got heels of steel, and we're going to see her walk the walk and talk the talk. That is, it's so important for people to know.

I only met you today, and I'm so proud of you. You're not allowing yourself to be put in a lane. You didn't allow yourself to be put in only mentoring construction. And then once you got to the top of the construction game, you didn't just stay there. He said, I'm also going to be an author of a successful novel. I'm also going to reinvent myself this way. I'm going to try this. I'm going to mark it differently.

you're smashing through lanes and showing everybody you can be whoever you want to be in any role. Yeah, you absolutely can. I mean, once you lay a foundation and you have something solid, there's no reason why you can't branch out and take that credibility and use that credibility to branch out into different things. I mean, stay focused. Don't, you know, go off on a million tangents. Like, I own a construction company. So a natural extension would be to have a line of tools. a national extension would be to write a novel based on a story of a woman in construction.

You think so, however, 99.9% of the rest of the world would not think that's a natural extension. I will let you know that. Okay, well, I guess it's just, you know, the entrepreneur in me. Where can people find you? Where can they get the book? So you can get the book on Amazon at Target, Walmart, Barnes & Noble. And you can find me on Instagram. Ms. Barbara Kay and Twitter, Miss Barbara Kay.

And I'm happy to answer. You know, people ask me questions all the time and I try and answer as many as possible because I love when women have ideas and I love to just, you know, support in any way possible. That comes through so clearly. So I totally back and endorse that. And Heels of Steel, guys, unbelievable book.

I never thought I'd read a novel and I'm so glad that I did. Oh, thanks, Heather. I'm so glad you did too, because that really means the world to me, and I hope other women read it too. They're going to. That thing's going viral. All right, Barbara, thank you so much, and I'm going to be right back. Okay, before I answer your questions, I need to give you another opportunity to save money

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It's convenient and it tastes fantastic. I can't wait for you to try it. Okay, so I am ready to answer some of your questions and I've gotten a lot of questions on Insta story, actually, and as well as on LinkedIn and in some different DMs. So I'm going to just answer a few of them and hopefully these will be helpful. So I was asked by Christopher, what was your biggest obstacle to getting where you are now

and what would you say helped you get beyond it? I was definitely the biggest obstacle, no doubt. For a long time, after I got fired, I was back and forth with, okay, do I go back to corporate America? Do I go back and do the same thing and just, you know, apply to different companies? And I was so panicked and so afraid and lacking so much confidence. I didn't realize that at the time. I'm articulating it differently today than I would have then because hindsight is obviously so helpful. However, I didn't have hindsight then. I was in pure panic mode. So I was really stopping myself. When you're so focused on fear, so focused on lack on what can't happen, on what potentially bad could happen, nothing good's going to happen. So until I

really shifted and got into a place of, you know what, I am going to manifest and create this vision for my future. I am going to step into my power, own who I am, and I'm going to allow that to create opportunity for me. You know, I didn't know a year and a half ago that my book would be a bestseller. I didn't know I'd have my own podcast. Are you kidding me? I used to hate the sound of my voice. And that is a straight up truth. So to see how things have changed, evolved and unfolded, I'm constantly in shock about it all the time. I really am. However, every single day, I read my mantra. I'll read it to you right now. I have to grab it. Okay. I'm literally grabbing this off my table. Every day I read this and I just stand there for one minute. Think

about how positive and exciting it is the vision I have for my future. I say I'm so happy and grateful that I've sold over a million copies of my book. I have helped so many people and now money flows freely and easily to me. I create and enjoy my life by shining my light. Your wish is my command. This is coming true. And I do that once a day just to get my mindset right that, yeah, this is where I'm going. It's not crystal clear how I'm going to get there or what that next

step or opportunity is. There's definitely going to be failures along the way, and those will redirect me to where I'm supposed to be going. So, you know, I was the biggest obstacle in my way. And the thing that really helped me get beyond it, there's so many. This is one of them, is to get my mind right, my vision right, each morning when I get up and really open up that opportunity to connect those dots and take those leaps of faith. But believing in myself, focusing on creating confidence and surrounding myself with people that are way beyond where I am and think bigger because it encourages me to think bigger too. Those are some of the keys that I would offer on that question. Okay. The next one. All right, Heather, how do you handle managers managed by

fear? Okay. So you get away from them. Number one, if you're in an organization and you're being managed by someone who utilizes fear tactics to manage you, that is not your person. That is a bad manager. So you're either working for the wrong person or you're working at a bad company. And I don't know which one it is. So you need to do that homework. And what I mean by that is you could just be working for a bad egg. You need to get off that team, jump on another team. You'll find there's another great manager leader there and then you can grow and blossom and develop. However, if you're at a toxic environment, a toxic company, which I've been in before, it's not going to matter if you leapfrog and move to another team. You're going to be faced with that same type of fear mongering. It's a really

negative strategy. It does not work. It crushes the company. It's, you know, it drives employees away. And it creates this really negative, fearful environment for everyone, which will hold you back. Fire your villains and set yourself up to take off. If you, you know, if you're saying, I can't pay my bills, believe me, I felt the same way when I got fired from corporate America in a toxic environment and really fired my villain. I was petrified. However, you know, what I, I guess I I could have done better back then was more aggressively, update my resume, position myself better on LinkedIn, and start going after opportunity. I should have started writing my book a year before I got fired. So the day I got fired, I could have launched it. Take the action now to get yourself out

there. And maybe it's just reaching out to people, sending out resumes, you know, going on interviews, connecting with your network and letting them know what you're looking for. Maybe it's you're starting to manifest this future of you leaving and creating that opportunity, you know, open that door to what is possible. Take action against it. Showcase your highlight reel for the world to see and start moving forward to get yourself away from that fear-mongering knucklehead because that guy or girl is going down and you're not going down with them. So definitely get out of there. Okay, my next question was I had posted about a post that just said, take your dream seriously. And I really take mine so seriously.

It's unbelievable now, but I didn't used to. And so I really preach that a lot now. And someone wrote me back and said, okay, I do. But what do you do when your spouse or significant other doesn't? You know, it's an interesting question. And I have been asked this a couple of times. And I'm certainly not a relationship expert by any mean. However, what I do know is that when people don't believe in you,

they're putting their limiting beliefs on you. kind of dragging you down, it does affect you. We can say that, you know, we create boundaries and protect ourselves. It's going to draw on you. So I would have the conversation with that person and explain in a real loving way that, you know, I care so much about you. However, it negatively affects me and holds me back when you're not supportive of me. You know, we need people that are on our team, not fighting against us. And maybe they have fears that you want to go start your own company and they're fearful of what could happen. Maybe they're insecure and it's really about their insecurities and their fears of trying to do something new and they're trying to project it onto you.

And they think they're being loving and kind doing that. But the reality is it's not helpful. And you've got to protect yourself from those situations, those people, and you've got to stand up for yourself and claim your greatness, whatever that may be. So, you know, surround yourself with other people that are cheering you on, stretching you and challenging you to take those risks and go for it. And you're going to decide you're either going to have that conversation with the significant other and they're going to evolve beyond their fear and become a cheerleader and help support you or they're probably going to weed themselves off the team. Because it's so rare that you see someone in a relationship and the other person is, you know, talking them out of what their hopes and desires are. That's just not a congruent fit. And it typically is not going to work.

So I would say, you know, first thing is first, have the conversation. Be clear on what you need. and communicate that effectively. And then the other thing is start surround yourself with people who do support you, who do stretch you and see how different and good you feel in that vibe, and things will start working itself out. But definitely take action, have the conversation, and don't let anything get in the way of you chasing down what you know is right for you.

All right. Thanks so much for joining me this week again. Love being here with you. Love being on this journey with you. Please, if you haven't yet, subscribe. and review the show. It helps so much. You have no idea. And I'm so grateful for you doing it. Would love it if you could share it with your friends because this whole world needs to be creating confidence in every moment, just like me and just like you. Thanks for being here.

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