Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #88: Ashley Stahl on Making a You Turn: Finding a Career that Honors You

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Are you on autopilot? Do you live for the weekends? Ashley Stahl, entrepreneur, career coach, author, and speaker, asks us to discover our true career path. She has developed a simple and effective road map to make a “You Turn”, or in other words, return to you. It starts with identifying your skills out of the 10 core skill sets. Then leveling up those skills to find the room on top to excel. Clarify your passions and your values. Dissect your “Inner Money Blueprint” to find financial freedom. And finally listen to who you truly are.  About the Guest: Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, speaker, and author on a mission to help you step into a career you're excited about and aligned with. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her email list of 500,000 and her podcast, You Turn, she's been able to support clients in 31 countries in discovering their best career path, upgrading their confidence and landing more job offers. She maintains a monthly career column in Forbes, and her work has been also featured in outlets such as the Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune and more. Ashley earned a Master's in international relations from King's College London, and another Master's in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica. She holds a Bachelor's from University of Redlands in government, history and French. Finding Ashley Stahl: Visit her website: https://ashleystahl.com/  Watch her TEDx talk Listen to You Turn podcast Pre-order You Turn at youturnbook.com  Instagram & Twitter: @AshleyStahl To inquire about my coaching program opportunity visit https://mentorship.heathermonahan.com/  Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com  *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating!   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. We made it. We are finally in 2021. And I am so excited and so incredibly hopeful for this year. I hope that you are too. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of all of us for what we have. have come through. And for those of you that are thinking, oh, it's just another day, you know, so what? It's a new year, whatever. Let me tell you this. We didn't know what last year was going to be like, right? And I do know that there are plenty of reasons for us to be optimistic. We've learned so much about the pandemic, about the virus. There's now vaccines. There's there's solutions. There's a bright light at the end of this tunnel. And no, it's not a train. So I feel really excited. And I think I mentioned this last week. I don't know if I did. I have people who are now reaching out to me for in-person meetings, in-person speaking events. And that is unbelievably exciting to this extrovert of a girl. So I can't even put to words how optimistic I am about 2021. I just, I'm, I truly believe. I just believe it's going to be fantastic. So I want to talk to you about what it is.

is that I do, you know, a lot of people have been reaching out about New Year's resolutions. I believe in New Year's claims. I actually wrote a chapter in my new book, Leaprogging Villains, about this, which will be out in 2021. I can't wait. Oh, you know what? I'm going to tell you exactly what I did. Okay. So let's take it back for a minute.

As you all know, three years ago, I got fired. When I got fired from my chief revenue officer position, I was devastated. The first thing I did was I posted. online about my shame that I had been fired. I was shining a light on my shame, which makes shame disappear, by the way. And suddenly, I rock that I got fired. You know, I put it to work for me. So I flipped the script on that. I asked for help. I said, if I've ever helped you in any way, I'd love to hear from you today. At that point, frog you from the Elvis Duran show, tweeted at me. Love to help you. Let me know what I can do. I tweeted back. Get me on the show.

That got me on the Elvis Duran show. Elvis told me I was writing a book. He transferred his confidence to me in that moment, I googled how do you write a book? Voila. Here is confidence creator. Trump, Trump for number one on the business biography list on Amazon. Boom. And yes, I have the screenshot to prove that. Okay, so that led me to Google, how do you sell books?

It said speak. I had been speaking for 20 years in corporate America, but I didn't know you could get paid for it. Hello. Epiphany moment. Just think of how much out there in the world we don't know. It's mind boggling. which means, and this is actually kind of cool because my guest today is talking all about your career, your passion, your life, and the U-turn for your life. You know, I didn't realize something that I'd love to do that brought good to the world that helped others, that solved problems for people, my speaking abilities, and the topics I could speak on was something I could actually get paid for to.

I didn't know. I didn't know. So I just want you to open your mind to how much is out there that we might not know yet, that might yield a new career, a new opportunity for you. So anyhow, I started my speaking business. My speaking business blew up and took off. I interviewed Sarah Blakely live on stage in fourth quarter of 2019. I dropped my TEDx in November 2019. I was on fire. It was everything was coming together and just momentum was building, right? We came into 2020 and everybody knows the rest. So pump the breaks. All my speaking engagements got canceled. However, I still was named 2020 top female keynote speaker of the year. I was number 25. Super proud of that. And with all this going on, it was really hard for me. I'm definitely an extroverted

person. I'd love to be with people. And my son and I have really spent the majority of this year in our two-bedroom apartment in Miami, which has been really tough. And for anyone out there in an apartment, oh my gosh, I feel for you. It's the struggle is real. I am so buying a giant house after all of Okay. So with all that, that's kind of the backstory right there. Well, during all of this time, I will never forget. One of my best friends, Christina, was coming down to Florida on vacation with our family, had asked me and my son to go stay with them in the keys, this really nice area in the keys that I had never been to. And so it was the week before my TEDx talk. So we're talking October 2019. And I thought, oh, geez, I should be practicing. I wonder if I should go. And I said, you know what? Forget it. I'm just going. I want to see them. it's only a couple of days. It wasn't even a week. It was only a few days before my TEDx talk. Dylan and I drove down. We had the greatest time. And I became obsessed with this area that they were staying in. And my son and I went and got a magazine to look at the houses in the area. I mean, literally $20 million, $30 million, phenomenal homes. Outrageously gorgeous. I loved it.

But the point of the story is being there, walking around, and immerseously. immersing myself in that community made me start seeing myself there. So I would go by myself and run. I've been a huge run in my whole life. And my gosh, it's like one of my favorite things to do. So I would run around that community by myself and think to myself about my TEDx talk, which was coming up in a couple days. And I would start saying, I am going to buy one of these houses. And the way I'm going to do it is my TEDx talk's going to go viral. It's going to get 50 million views. And it's going to launch my speaking business to a level. I've never seen. I'm going to hit the tipping point, be making millions of dollars. This is happening. And so I really got into this mindset. I don't even know if it was intentional or not, but this is what happened, right? So I get home from all of that. We came up with a new intro to my TEDx talk, which was, thank goodness, because nobody liked my previous one. And I get home and I write on a piece

of paper. My TEDx talk went viral, 50 million views, blah, blah, blah. Okay, well, fast forward to now. here we are 2021. It still hasn't gone viral yet, but it will. I know it will. It's so freaking good. If you haven't seen it yet, you got to check it out. It's 10 minutes, I promise you, you will love it. So I really got into this mindset and envision and felt really powerful about it. The reason why I'm telling you all of this is because I, for the past couple of years, I've been doing this every year around stating my claims for the new year on the first of the new year. In the past, what I used to do back when I was in corporate America as I would do New Year resolutions like do more charity work, spend more time with my son, stuff like that. My life was so different then. Oh my gosh, the person I spent the most

time with this year is my son. So it's kind of funny to think back about those old days that were very, very different. Okay. So now, okay, first of all, I'm going to share with you the one that I did last year. Okay. So last year, this is what I wrote. I am so happy and grateful that the universe is rising up to meet me. I'm so grateful my speaking business has taken off and money. flows freely and easily to me. I'm grateful for my one million podcast downloads. I'm grateful for my health and my son's health and happiness. I'm so happy and grateful we have our new amazing house and are surrounded by love and positive energy and abundance. I'm creating my life by shining my light and helping millions while making millions. I am so grateful. And then I added in TEDx talk 50 million

views. Okay, so another interesting point. I met with John Aserap from the movie The Secret. last year. He was a guest of my podcast, and I flew out to California, went to his house to interview him. He's such a great guy. And while we were together, after we did the show, he and I were just talking. And I was explaining to him that I was really implementing the idea of the secret in my life. And he said, tell me how you're doing it. And I was sharing with him. And he said, you're missing the mark. And this is super important. I really did heed his advice. He said, you're not being specific enough. He said, so you're saying you want a top podcast. He said, why not say one million downloads in 2019? So he was helping me to refine and get more specific.

And I know this in business and I want you to know this. Those that deal in specific seldom fail. Those that deal in generality seldom succeed. Right. So we need to get into the details. We need to get into the numbers. Is it one million downloads and by when? What's the date? What's the deadline? And I was just working with one of my coaching clients on this exact same thing. She was feeling overwhelmed with her work and we were talking about, okay, then you need to delegate. And when you hand something to someone else, you say, I need this back by such and such date. Here's what the expectations are for your deliverables on this date. Right? We've got to be very specific and give people deadlines. Okay. So that was then. Fast forward to now. All right, these were my notes that I wrote down.

And this is so crazy. A lot of this came also from last week. My interview with Gretchen, And if you did not hear that episode, please go back and listen to it. It's so flipping good. And the funny thing is, Gretchen was number 17 on LinkedIn top voices of the year. She's on Oprah. She writes for Oprah Magazine. She has sold millions of, she's where I want to be, right? She's light years ahead of me, but I'm coming for her.

I told her I was. And when we were talking before we started the show last week, I was telling her I had to cancel on her a week prior because there's been drilling in my building. Also another reason not to live in a building. Hello, it's driving me crazy. But anyways, so a neighbor was working on their apartment and there was construction going on. And I couldn't record a show in the background, right? So I'm telling her, I said, Gretchen, I'm super grateful that you are so accommodating to reschedule

because, I mean, this lady's massive. She didn't need to reschedule with me. And she said, oh, my gosh, Heather, no problem what was going on. And I'm telling her about my apartment. And she starts laughing. And she says, guess what? I live in an apartment in New York, and she said, and guess what's been going on here? Same freaking thing.

And then she says, oh, and P.S., do you want to know what really makes people unhappy? Is not knowing when the drilling is going to start. People are happier if the drilling is consistent versus having intermittent, which I understand, because you know what to expect. You know what's coming. So she and I connected over that we both hate being in an apartment in a pandemic and we hate drilling, although something tells me her apartment's probably a little different than mine. But anyhow, so we hit it off and then we had this great interview and she taught me so much and I know she's going to teach you a lot too. So if you did not listen to her episode, please go back and do it. It's so fulpin good. So here I am. I'm ready to do my plan for 2021. I took some notes this morning. I put Believe, 2021, your greatest year ever. New book is number one on the Wall Street Journal, 2021 list. You are a top U.S. keynote speaker. Remember I was top 25. I want to be.

be top five this year. You have a top 10 ranked business podcast. Right now we're ranked top 100. Pitch myself. Oh, I need to start pitching myself. These are like my list of things to do. Viral posts on LinkedIn will be happening as usual. You will be a top voice of LinkedIn in 2021. You are going to create a new product. You will just go bigger. And on the other side of this, I put sleep, meditate, yoga. You know, taking care of my health is critical. Gretchen taught me this outer order inner calm. So you want to get rid of anything toxic or negative from your body and from your home. And I've really started doing that. I got rid of the Christmas tree. I got everything Christmas out of my house. Like I went to work in the last week and really got rid of purged a lot, gave a lot of

stuff away. And I'm going to keep doing that. I like that idea. Outer order, inner calm. Okay. And get organized and be optimistic. Okay. So those were my notes. This is what I actually wrote out. so far for next year. I am so happy and grateful that the universe is rising up to meet me. I'm so grateful my speaking business has hit the tipping point. And I'm book solid every single month and named the top U.S. keynote speaker. Boom. I'm so grateful my new book is a number one Wall Street Journal bestseller. I'm grateful we've sold millions of copies and helped so many people. I'm grateful my podcast is a top 10 business podcast in the U.S. with millions of downloads in 2021. Ha ha, John Astroff, I was listening to you.

I'm so grateful my TED Talk went viral and now has 50 million views. Let's go. I'm so grateful for my health and my son's health and happiness. I'm so grateful that money flows freely and easily to me. I'm so grateful for our new house and being surrounded by love, positive energy, and abundance. I'm grateful for my new product that I created and for helping millions of people. I'm grateful Dylan is back in school with friends and playing sports. Oh my God, I'm going to be so grateful for that.

I am so grateful for that. this magic. Thank you. And then I put Believe Optimism 2021. Okay. So if you haven't stated your claims, go ahead, grab a pen, grab a piece of paper, write them down, and be grateful for what you have. Be grateful we're beginning a new year. And let's get optimistic because there are some wonderful things coming. And now I am going to take a break and we're going to be right back with my guest and her U-turn. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet Ashley Stahl. She's a counterterrorism professional. I can't even believe this.

This is so crazy. She's a Forbes blogger and a new author on a mission to help job seekers step into a career that lights them up. As a creative writer, modern day entrepreneur and content creator, more than 516,000 job seekers have subscribed to Ashley's free trainings while on her online courses. They've helped thousands. Ashley, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to talk to you about all things. clarity. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. I wish I had met you so long ago. But the funny thing is,

you're so flipping young. You're only 33 years old. And as we were just talking, you've already done two TED Talks. This is your first full book that you're bringing to market. But you have a huge social media audience. You've built up this huge business. You're an entrepreneur at such a young age. And you had this whole past track record, corporate military track record as well. You've achieved so much in such a short amount of time. It's really impressive. I'm so appreciating you for saying that because I think, you know, it's hard to read the label when you're inside the jar, you know? And so for me, I kind of look at my experience and I know I've created a lot of things and really put a lot of energy out there and been met by the world, thankfully, and receiving what I'm putting out there.

But it still sometimes feels like I've like run out of time or something. And it's funny because I always tell people there's really no such thing as that. I don't even believe that. It's just my mind playing little tricks on me sometimes. And I think that happens with everybody. Yeah, it does. And it's also interesting when you're the teacher, you're the one coaching people on this, but you identify because you struggle with those same things. I think that helps a lot. Yeah, I think there's a level of parallel processing that a lot of coaches do with their clients. And I think that's why it's so important to remember as a coach, one of the biggest lessons I learned is that all the value is in the client. You're just a facilitator. You're just paying attention, listening, and asking powerful questions. And I think being able to do that,

serves as a reminder that it's not on me to prove to somebody or anybody that their life matters, that they can do something. It's really just on me to help them notice what's already there within them. And that's the work I do for myself as my own career coach. And so how did you go from counterterrorism to becoming a career coach? That sounds like a massive pivot. You know, it's interesting because in my most recent TED Talk, we were talking about TED Talks, one of the things I talk about is intuition. And it's interesting because before this TED talk, I was, I'd probably gone about five years in my career out of a lot of masculine energy, a lot of pushing, pushing through, overriding my feelings. And the second TED talk, I talk about how the gut, you know, has 200 million neurons, if not more,

which is the size of a catar dog's brain. So our instinct, our gut feelings are quite intelligent. And I think that's why when your stomach sinks or you feel like butterflies, it's all, you know, somatic feedback. And so for me, there was something in my years in grad school where I was studying counterterrorism and I was thinking to myself, like, I don't know if this is for me because I would leave lecture halls after four hours, then other students would still be talking about the lecture. And I would be over it, ready to move on to something else. And I think like many people had an interest. We have many interests. And I think I gave it an undue promotion into being a career path. I think a lot of people misunderstand their interest. And that's something that I talk about a lot in my book,

you turn, which is really figuring out what are your interests and which ones are meant to be a career. And when it kind of goes back to your gut and your intuition, there was something in my gut in grad school that told me to keep pursuing national security. Like I had an interest in it. I wanted to pursue it, but some part of me also knew that it wasn't going to be my final destination. And so I just kind of trusted that. And as I continued to follow what felt right, even if I knew it wasn't the end for me, I think there was a lot of purpose either right in front of me or on the periphery of that. And I think that's a huge message for anybody listening is to remember that when you follow what feels right intuitively, when you start to notice what's making you feel a sense of

expansion versus a sense of contraction, even if where you're expanding isn't the end thing, it's something necessary potentially on your way to really getting more synced into your purpose. And so on the sidelines of my career into counterterrorism, I learned how to job hunt. You know, I graduated during the recession. I couldn't get a job to save my life. and I ended up being so desperate that in my admin job, it was the first job I got. I just figured I had to take what I could get. I contacted my university and said, do you have a list of alumni who have moved to D.C. And the government department sent me a list. I cold called over 2,000 people, cold emailed all of these people in D.C. And so on the sidelines of my career into counterterrorism, I learned how to get a job.

That skill became something I was super passionate about. I got multiple job offers. tripled my salary, got an opportunity working for the Pentagon, helped tons of friends end up getting job offers from all I learned through those 2,000 cold emails and cold calls. And that was kind of on the periphery of my choice to work in national security. And eventually that turned into my online business, my career coaching practice, my courses, my podcast, and now my book U-turn. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch,

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Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at www. northwestredgisteredagent.com slash confidence-free. I was in a corporate job for over 20 years and I would have people ask me for things or tell me, oh, you're a great speaker or you should look at doing these. And I would say, oh, yeah, but that's not my job. Why for you was it that you were able to detach from this quote unquote nine to five corporate job? If there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that there's room on top. You know, there's room on top everywhere. There's a lot of people in the middle. There's a lot of people at the bottom, people who are dabbling and never totally commit to a path. And then there's a lot of people in the middle who are like kind of committed. They've gone kind of far with something, but they're not willing to do that extra piece.

It's kind of the difference, I think, between being an a minus and a plus student. And by the way, I was always a B plus a minus student because I didn't want to study. So I was kind of in that top middle where like I always did really well, but I was never stepping into my version of extraordinary. And it wasn't until the recent years where I really noticed that the people who are at the top of the top, there's not a lot of them. And there's so much room for other. other people to get there. So I really saw myself and looked at who I was. What was my core skill set that I could really wrap my career path around? And I realize I'm really good at words. I have 10 different core skill sets that I teach in my book, U-turn. And it's one of the core tenets of my step-by-step

roadmap to get clarity on your career. And my core skill set being words, I said to myself, how can I turn the volume up on that skill set? What is the highest level of expression of this gift that I have? what would it look like if I fully went in without fear of failure? And I created a lot of miracles, I think, and I hate to call them miracles because it almost sounds like it wasn't on me, but I do believe that there is an element of grace in every single career path, no matter how much you work hard. So you bring up failure and fear of failure. What kinds of failures have you faced going through this journey transitioning from corporate out onto your own? I feel like most of the time when you're trying to succeed at something, I hate to save and trying

when you're committed to succeeding at something. Failure is just on the same block. Like, you need to knock on so many doors of failure to get to your success. And I think the people who are succeeding when I take a look at them, the only thought I have is like, wow, they must have a really good conversation going on in their head about failure. Because clearly, it's not derailing them. They're not telling themselves that it means something about their path.

And so that level of mental fitness is something that I have tended to cultivate only when I feel like a white-hot desire for like a goal that is so deep inside of me. Like I was telling you before we started recording, the book that I wrote is the only thing I've fully created out of my soul. But I've created a lot of things that I felt really lit up and excited about. And that's the thing about excitement versus like passion or soul work. Excitment runs out, you know, like your mission doesn't. And so I was able to create things out of excitement.

And eventually they would run out. but I was really proud of those things. It took a lot of willpower and a lot of visualization, manifestation, like really closing my eyes and feeling the results as if they were here. And that vision got me so excited. Like, I was so excited to see what was possible and allow myself to toy with that, that after I kind of opened my eyes, I was like, I have to have this. And promoting your desires to necessities, like raising your standards,

it's like it just changes the way you show up and the actions you take. That's so good. And I can definitely relate to that. It's essentially going all in for a long time. I would hesitate in regards to, am I really doing this as a side hustle? Do I even want to admit I'm trying to do this versus the day you decide I'm going all in. I can see it happening in my mind. I know where I'm going. I'm writing the goal down. I'm making this thing happen. It's a completely different transition. And I think there's other forces at play like in addition to what you're sharing. It's like here's the thing about clarity. If you don't, have it, it's expensive because it turns your career into sometimes a graveyard of trial and error. And trial and air is not a bad thing. The best careers are built on trial and error. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is that they hold their career too seriously, too heavily, and they're not nimble enough to change. Like, it reminds me having gone into

the office at Pixar, there's a big sign on the wall. It said, fail faster. And it's so true. The people who are nimble in their career, they're willing to make decisions, try something on, show up, see what feedback the universe gives them, get out of limbo, make a commitment, and then course correct along the way. The people who are willing to stay in motion and not see the potential for failure as like this reason to stop or slow down so much. It's not to say to go so fast, but it is to say that some people are so afraid of failure, they stay paralyzed, you know? And I think that perfection paralysis is just a mask for fear of failure. And so, yeah, it's like, what can we do to stay in motion? So in my case, I had an online course. I scaled it. It created an email list in just two months of a half million millennial women. We did millions of dollars of revenue in that two month period. After a year of me failing,

by the way, I was negative 100K in when this thing turned. So I went from completely broke to into credible wealth in two months. And then there's so many different things that happened in the sales of my job hunting course. I had a Facebook ad specialist who wanted to push the envelope. I trusted him. I ended up going a half million dollars into debt after that, spending three and a half years continuing to build my business and paying that off. And, you know, if there's anything I've learned, it's that everything you do is serving you in some way. And I don't like it when people say that because I'm like, really, my half million dollars of death, it's been such a buzzkill. but you know what? The amount of speaking engagements I've booked almost amounts to the amount of debt I took on

because they want me to talk about the failure. So it's just really trusting your life. And I think when you can move through that lens of deep trust, and it doesn't mean you resign. Trust does not mean, surrender does not mean resignation, you know, but really trusting it. And I think taking that tactical action. So for example, not just following your passion. I'm not a big believer in that. but really taking a look at what are my skills, what are my gifts? And a good question for people to ask the people around them is, when have you seen me at my best? When have you seen me at my best? Because you'll be surprised what your parents will say about that, what a couple of close friends, what a couple colleagues. It always helps to text people that or email them that so you can read

their responses. And maybe you can say, hey, you know, this crazy career coach Ashley Stahl in this podcast wanted me to ask you this, whatever it is that makes you ask them. But you will, be surprised what people will respond to you saying. And from there, you can ask yourself, what skill set are you using when you're at your best? What are you doing that would, I don't know, like, relay to a skill set that you're using in your life because according to research, the people around us tend to know us better than we know ourselves. That's the case with divorce. People know if their friends are going to get divorced before their friends know. And it's a lot of the times the case with our career. We think we're good at one thing, but other people might notice

something else. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that what you're great at sometimes is too obvious for you to even notice. Well, Ann, it's like you said, you're trapped in the bottle. So you don't really see it the same way that everyone else outside says, wow, she's so much better at this than everyone else. You think, oh, everyone's probably pretty good at this or this is, you know, something that comes natural to people. Oftentimes we devalue typically whatever it is that we're good at and just assume other people are good at it. To that point that you had reaching out and asking for emails from 10 different people in your life, I use that as a confidence-building exercise

because not only is it showing what skills you're great at, but also it gives you that boost of seeing yourself through the lens of someone else. And you're absolutely right, keeping that in a file or an album so you can go back and reference it. You know, things change over time, things evolve over time. It is important to look at those things and keep that feedback handy.

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, if I'm being really candid, it's like we've got to trust ourselves and we've got to trust our intuition ultimately. But I think, you know, it's like whenever my business feels like it's plateauing, the thing I think about the most is how do I go have more conversations? Because that's where I get more information, more inspiration, and I get back more to myself. So even if you lead with your own intuition, I think collecting other information, just making sure you're coming from a good place when you do that. Some people are shopping for opinions because they don't want their own. They're scared of trusting themselves. Other people are collecting information to filter it through their own intuition.

So I think knowing where you sit as you're taking feedback is huge in your career. Oh my gosh. It's so huge. And who you're taking the feedback from is so important because so many people want to protect us and keep us safe and don't want us taking chances and they think they're being helpful offering feedback that's really paralyzing us or limiting us. Yeah, absolutely. So what are some of the other ways that you get people to go from, okay, I might not be in the job I love, but, you know, I see that I have this skill set. Now, where do I go from here?

Well, let me walk through, if you're down for it, the 10 core skill sets I have in my book because I think in the U-turn book, there's an 11-step roadmap to get clarity. My favorite thing is your core skill set. Obviously, I go into it so much more in depth, but I think this is a starter for the note-takers on the show would help them. So out of the 10, I want to just remind people, it's an energy that you. you go into it. It's not just a skill you use. These skill sets are energies. So the first one is innovation. And the innovator can be the entrepreneur. It can be the entrepreneur. It's the creative person who is brainstorming, who is managing their own book of business. They are somebody whose creativity or self-starter initiative is moving a business or a company forward. And it's very much so in energy. They're a problem solver. They're visionary. The second core skill set is

building. So this is anything from that tactical side of things like a mechanic or a construction worker, or it can be a little bit more concrete like a web developer who is building a website in a more concrete way. And then number three, I think this might be yours too, Heather, is words. So my core skill set is words. And that means, you know, the speakers, the writers, the salespeople. And it's important to know as you're going through these core skill sets, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. And the reason I would say that is because there's different ways of expressing a core skill set. Like if I'm an extrovert, I'm probably going to be a speaker. If I'm an introvert and I'm words as my core skill set, it would be so damaging and

exhausting for me to be speaking on stage all the time. And I do believe in all of the research around ambivorts, but I do think most people default to one or the other when it comes to how they get their energy. Do you absolutely need time alone to get your energy? Or do you really feel like people are a battery charger for you. Wait, I've never heard of the word ambiverts before. That just made me laugh. Yeah, there's so much research about it. A lot of management consultancies are really big on that, which I think is so funny and entertaining.

But ultimately, I think everybody skews in one direction. The next core skill set is motion. So the motion core skill set has to do with anybody who's interested in fitness, anybody who's like a tour guide, people who are on their feet and they thrive when they're out and about all day. That's the person who is just not meant for a desk. And they actually, being able to be out and on your feet all day, that's a skill. And a lot of people don't necessarily have that. It could be a hairstylist. And then maybe their secondary core skill set is words. For example, if you're hairstylist, I find a lot of them love words and they love connecting with their clients. There's another core skill set I'll talk about for them too. The fifth one is service. I love this core skill set. I think the world runs from the supporters, the humanitarians, the helpers. the only question I would ask for them, and you can ask this for any skill set, is, is their decision to be in service and of support wounded or is it inspired? Because some people are people pleasers and helpers just because that's what they were taught to be and not because it's actually who they are.

So as you're kind of looking at all these core skillsets, really ask yourself, am I this way because of some trauma that maybe you have some trauma and you have some wounding from your upbringing that made you this way? And you're inspired to be that way. It can be both. So it's just important to kind of have that awareness. To that point, it's funny. You say that the first thing it popped into my mind is when I was young, my father would say to me, why do you always bring these people around that have problems?

You know, you're always trying to help these people have problems. Let them help themselves, Heather. And it took a lifetime for me and therapy and all my work that I've done myself to figure out I was lacking confidence back then. So I was choosing to be around people to quote unquote help them because it made me feel better about myself instead of being in, intimidated by being around people who are far ahead of me, which also kept me back, held me back in my career in some regards because I wanted to be around those people that I could help.

It took for me building confidence and then separating work and charity work, which I would, I still wanted to do charity work. I still wanted to give back, but having a little bit of clarity and keeping that out of, you know, my day-to-day people who I was bringing around me. Absolutely. And, you know, I feel like you're so intuitive and I'm sure that's why I have so many people listening because like people are hungry for that. Like, and being around somebody who's in that and in that capability, it's, it's a powerful feeling. Like, you can feel somebody who's connected to themselves in that way and people want to drink from that well as well. So, makes sense to me that that's kind of where you landed with it. And going into other core skill sets,

like coordination, that's another one, number six. I love the coordinators and I'm not one of them. So the operations person, the project, you're not either. The project. I see you nodding your head. No. Yeah, it's, that's not my jam. And, you know, I think people who have that detail orientation, it's so powerful. It's such a superpower. And number seven is analysis. Wait, can we stop with that for one second, Ashley, because this is a problem I've had in my business as an entrepreneur. In corporate America, they filled in for my weaknesses. I had assistance. I had teams that would handle project management. Teams for this, teams for that. So I never had to think about my weakness. As an entrepreneur, I have to own my weakness every day and it's hard, right? So I'm trying to

figure out hacks on how can I be more organized? How can I bring things together to take steps out of my day? Because I know I'm not great at that. And that's been a real hurdle for me becoming an entrepreneur. Yeah, I get that. I think that ultimately owning what you're not is so important. I think people make themselves wrong for the things that they're not. And, you know, speaking even with the subtitle of my book, get unstuck, discover your direction, design your dream career. it's really steps. I think one of the things that get people stuck the most is getting stuck on a path or a skill set that isn't for them. It's like there's too many of us that are not celebrating the fact that we're not good at something. Like own that you're not good at something. Be okay with you not being good at something. Delegate it out. Entrepreneurs are supposed to wrap their business around what they're brilliant at and delegate the rest. Of course, there's that weird growing phase where you're kind of doing it all. But if you're really doing it right and investing in yourself, you shouldn't be hanging out in that space for too long anyway. Fair point. So researcher, academic, economist, you know, anybody with analysis, a therapist could be an analysis person. They could be a words person.

We all lead with different things. And it's why people are attracted to us. Not one is better than the other. And number eight is our number crunchers, you know, the investment bankers, the bookkeepers. And number nine is our tech gurus, you know, everybody from the genius bar at Apple to the artificial intelligence creators right now. And then number 10, kind of going back to the hairstylist, for example, is beauty. So these are the makeup artists, the interior designers, people who make art of the world around them. And I think a lot of people who hear these 10 course skill sets, they wonder, you know, what if I have two or three? Most people will resonate with a few of them, but you really lead and have a brilliance with one of them. And when you ask people that question of

when have you seen me at my best, you'll tend to find that people will point you to different memories of you being you. And once you kind of look at these core skill sets, you'll realize there's usually one that really is showing up where you're brilliant. And people don't like to accept it sometimes, I think, because that skill set feels so obvious for them that it's almost hard to believe that this is a natural gift. It feels like, how is this even a gift? It's so obvious. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that last. Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all

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Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I don't know, like I'm just so big on that authenticity. and really getting honest with yourself about where you shine, because from each of these 10 core skill sets comes a whole flow chart of different job titles. And from there, I think it's really important to know how you want to work, because there's the what, there's two dynamics at play in a good career path. There's the what of what you do, your job title.

And then there's the how of how you're doing it. That's more of your core values. Your job title points to, or your business, whatever you're doing in your business, it points to how you're spending your day, what responsibilities you're carrying out, how you're using your energy and time. The how of your job kind of refers to the context, the backdrop. Are you working in a culture that requires you to work crazy hours? Do you have a nice boss? 50% of people leave their job because they don't like their boss. And what that tells me is that how your job looks matters just as much as what your job is. So once you've kind of done that core

skill set work, another part in my U-turn roadmap is really taking a look at your core values. And what are your top five non-negotiable principles by which you live your life. That's a really beautiful exercise. And I'm looking at your actual roadmap right now. I love how you laid this out. It just makes it so clear to look at, okay, on a progress standpoint, okay, I can get to there. And then here's where I go. It's really nice that you made it so simplistic for everyone to get a visual on. I feel like as much as I don't like to put people in a box, I always tell them, hold the boxes lightly. Use them, but don't, don't worship them. So I find that there's a power as a career expert in creating boxes like this to get people to start their conversation in their own head about

which one am I. And maybe they're on the periphery of one of them. Maybe they're a different version of that skill set and it doesn't look the traditional way. But I think knowing yourself is the key to clarity. People say, I need clarity as if it's something out there, they need to go buy like a latte at Starbucks. It's like, no, you just need to connect to yourself. Because when you do, it gets really easy to know what jobs make sense for you. When you're connected to yourself, it's easier to know what you're interested in, what your skills are. You start to notice who you really are and where you really get energy in the world. But it seems so elusive when you're looking for it and you haven't found it yet. That's where it's a real struggle. Yeah,

absolutely. And I think people have to start to realize having coached over 400 women one-on-one and then some men as well, and thousands in my online courses, and whoever many read my book, it's like the one thing I continue to learn is that there's seasons in a career. You know, just like a pro sports player, they have on season and they have off season. And I think the personal demand that we put on ourselves to be in a constant state of clarity and constantly delivering is not human. It's not realistic. It doesn't allow for creativity.

You know, we're either in one of three energies, and I got this from Emily Fletcher over at Ziva Meditation. She talks about creating maintenance and destruction. So in any given moment, we're creating something out of inspiration. That's a season. And then there's other seasons where whatever we created is working and we're maintaining something. And I guess the good and bad news about that is you're around the corner from destruction. And it doesn't always mean that the thing you created is going to come down into shambles. it could just mean the person that you were that created that is no longer interested in that thing.

You know, it's like I loved one pair of jeans three years ago and they don't fit me anymore. It's the same thing with your career. So creativity, maintenance, and destruction. I have not heard that before. You talk about the money blueprint. Can you share a little bit about that? One of the things I try to do in this book because I think there's a lot of tactical books that are sharing kind of like your step by step, but they're kind of tough to read even if they have good information.

And so I tried to do a blend of like eat, pray, love and like a healing narrative of my life while teaching the reader about themselves through me in their career with tactical advice. So the healing of the money blueprint I was inspired to look at because I think a lot of people aren't pursuing the career that they actually want because they have some story about what they can or can't have with money. And our careers are so rooted in our hardwiring for survival. And I think that keeps us from really pursuing what we want. And like I said, there's room on top for everything.

So healing the money blueprint as a chapter was about when I turned 10 years old, my dad lost all of his money. And I went on to repeat that as an adult. So that's my own money blueprint right there in action. He lost millions of dollars. I grew up with a lot of privilege. He lost it all nearly claimed bankruptcy. And my first birthday after that, I went from getting very extravagant birthday gifts from him, totally spoiled kid, to getting luggage for my birthday.

And I remember as a kid, I didn't even know what money was. was at the time oddly because we just had it. It's kind of like fish are in water. They don't even know what water is because they're just in it, you know? And it was the first time that I threw a tantrum over a material thing because we always had so many things. There was nothing to tantrum about. And looking back, it's like I still feel some residue of shame that I was so hard on my dad who was going through such a tough time. He had a really successful business. He was forced to make the choice to close his doors. He stayed afloat, didn't claim bankruptcy. and got me luggage for my birthday.

I threw my tantrum. Where is my nice present? And I remember he was so shook by me as a kid. I remember my reaction. My tantrum was so much for him to take on my birthday. I was asking where my real present was that he had this little like anxiety attack, panic attack. And I remember seeing him have this attack.

And I remember kind of getting out of myself and saying, are you okay? and under his breath, he said, this is going to kill me. And as a little kid, the story I told myself was like, money and the pursuit of it is going to kill you. And so the natural thought is, so what's the point of it? You know, what's the point of earning it? And so I was really impacted by that moment and I grew up with duplicity. Because on one side it, I wanted to earn a lot of money because my dad lost all of his and I wanted to fix the problem and save everybody, including myself. And then on the other side of it was, I don't wanted to kill me and it killed him a little bit. And so that was my money blueprint, was wanting a lot of it, but believing that having a lot of it is going to kill me. So there was this constant competing intentionality behind my earning, behind my career. And that was my money blueprint. And here's the thing. We all come into the world with a certain thermostat that our parents set for us. And it's not their fault that we have it. It's our responsibility to change it for the better or for the worse. You know, some parents give us a great thermostat. They have give us great beliefs. I had a business

coach years ago and her little, her son walked into the room while she was coaching me. And she said, honey, I'm with a client. And he said, oh, so many clients, there's always so many clients to be had. And so his money blueprint is like abundance. Like there's options everywhere. And when you believe that, what are you going to do? You're going to take action like there's options everywhere. My blueprint was it's going to kill me. So I'm going to take very. confused action on the belief that it's going to hurt me. So this chapter was really about giving people a step-by-step process on how to unlock their money blueprint. And for anybody listening, a couple of questions to ask yourself is just what was the conversation like in your house around success?

Or was there no conversation about it? Because that itself is a money blueprint, not talking about it. And just kind of starting to take a look of what did you believe about success around your parents? What did you tell yourself was possible for you? What did you tell yourself about money? You know, these are all things to start asking yourself so that you can start to get a feel of what is your thermostat. And do you need to reset it or rewire it? I love that you incorporated this in the book because it's not something that I would, you know, normally just think of when I was talking to somebody about what they were looking for for their career. But it's a really relevant part of that big picture conversation and holdback.

And even like you said, it was a holdback for you. Yeah, definitely. And I feel like ultimately, if you're not doing that work on your money mindset, you just can't keep earning with the grace that you're going to want to have. I mean, if you look at me, I had a course that did really, really well. And I remember when it did really well, thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I'm making so much money. I need to get people to like make sure this is okay. I hired a bunch of lawyers. They told me to turn it off so that they could assess all of my materials. By the time a month later, they had assessed all my materials and gave me the green light. The algorithm on Facebook, book changed and I was no longer as profitable. So it was like my own fears around money got me to hire people out of fear and it sabotaged my success. So it is really important to really work on it. And that came from my dad losing his money, me thinking, oh my gosh, I remember what it was like to make a lot of money. Loss was around the corner. I better make sure that doesn't happen. And through that fear, I created that reality. That's how self-fulfilling prophecies work.

That's unbelievable to hear you play that out. And also when you're telling that story about your dad, it reminded me of the story that you shared when your father thought you were kidnapped. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was my most recent TED Talk. So you must have seen that one. Yeah, I mean, honestly, in my TED talk about how my dad was, well, anybody can watch it, but how he got a call from kidnappers who pretended to basically have me hostage. And it wasn't true, but he didn't know. And I think that's the way. fear works. I mean, our brains are wired to go into fight or flight and we're not thinking clearly when that happens. And so if you can get ahead of it and start to assess where your mindset is

well before that, you can spare yourself a lot of money lost and a lot of heartache. Oh, it was such a good talk, by the way. I really, really liked it. You did a great job with it. Yeah, thank you. Honestly, I feel like as a public speaker, I'm a little bit different. A lot of my friends said that they go on stage and they channel, but I work so hard on my talks. I practice so many times it's almost like the exact words I practice come out of my mouth because I've tried to put as much intention into what I'm saying as possible. It's funny how when you practice a lot, it pays off. Imagine that people. Hard work pays. What's another important takeaway that you want to share with the audience about U-turn? I would say the most important thing to know is who you are always wins.

And what I mean by that is your natural skill set inside of you is always going to be a reflection of who you are and what value you can bring to the world. And if you're working outside of that core skill set or outside of your core values, who you are is eventually going to demand that it gets seen, demand that it gets practice in the world. So if you're in a job right now or you're in a business right now that you've started that is depleting you, whether you read my book and access my roadmap or not, I would hope that you start to get radically honest with yourself about who you truly are. And that is the concept of making a U-turn is really coming back to yourself and getting really honest about who are you so that you can get out there and go be that person because if you

don't do that with your life, life will demand you to do it at some point or another, who you are always wins. So either you can rip the band-aid now and cry over your losses and start fresh or make that pivot you need to make. Maybe you're not starting fresh. You're never really starting fresh. Or you can rip that band-aid off next year and cry next year. It's really a matter of when you want to listen to who you truly are. The problem is, and this resonates so clearly with me because you just describe my life literally when I had thrown my back out. I was, you know, dimming my light in hopes that it would allow somebody else to leave me alone so I could just stay and keep getting my paycheck, even though I wasn't feeling fulfilled. You know, I was trying to force myself to stay somewhere that

wasn't the real me until I broke and then ultimately, you know, got fired and then started over on my own. And yes, it was scary. Yes, it was hard. Everything you're saying, however, when you just said, either do it now or do it a year from now, here's what my advice I would share with people on that, The one thing, when I look back now on my career, I wish I had left years before because I could have been so much more successful on my own. You know, you never look back when you finally realize, okay, I'm finally stepping into who I really am, my purpose, my passion, what I'm meant to be doing. You never look back and say, oh, I wish I hung on to that paycheck for a little while longer. Heck, no, it's like how the Facebook algorithm beat you because you took that dip. Who knows what other opportunity you're going to miss if you wait one more year.

Don't wait. Go now. Yeah, exactly. Don't walk, like, run. And it's not about making so fast that you are speeding past any ability to hear yourself think. It's about knowing what you know and honoring it right now. Like, you already know what you know. And for some reason, we know what we know and we spend all day trying not to know it. And that is such a waste of time. And I don't necessarily believe there's actually a waste of time, but I do think it's less fulfilling to go that route. And when you honor who you are, you're creating confidence in yourself, the act of acknowledging that. and acting on it makes you more confident, allows you to move forward in a stronger way. So move now, get U-Turn now. How can people get the book? So right now, I'm so excited. It's coming out January 26, but in the meantime, I have a really fun pre-order bonus.

So when you go to U-T-Buk.com, it's Y-O-U-T-R-N book.com, you get an opportunity to get access to the U-T-T-T-Bundle. It's courses right now that friends are selling online that you can buy. Totally free. When you pre-order your book and upload your receipt, you're going to get four courses. Speaking of money mindset, one is a full on course, six modules on money mindset, another courses on life purpose and side hustle, starting a business. You have an interview with me, modules and a masterclass on making a U-turn and clarity, and so much more. So I got to do is U-turnbook.com. And where can everybody find you, Ashley? I'm on Instagram at Ashley Stahl, and I would love to hear what you thought of this episode

and what you learned from my conversation with you. I'm so grateful that everybody's listening. Well, I'm grateful that you're here, and I'm so excited for everyone to get the book. Run, don't walk to U-turn. And we're going to be right back. Thank you, Ashley. And welcome back. I hope you loved hearing from Ashley. Okay, let's get to some Q&As here that people sent to me on social media.

Hey, Heather, you were recommended to me by a friend. I'm seeking a referral to assist me with PR and book promotion for my self-help book. My book focuses on my journey as an independent woman who gets wrapped up. and abuse. I detail the red flags I miss, how to handle certain situations. My goal is to show women that you can escape those types of relationships and still achieve success. I have a small following on Instagram. Thank you for your time. Okay, so here's the thing. There's plenty of PR companies you can hire. If you're just looking for PR, I would just say that do your due diligence. PR is interesting because, number one, you can pitch yourself. It's very time consuming and you're not

going to have the contacts these other people will have. But I would say that, you know, There's some that over promise and under deliver, like anything. So just do your homework. I have worked with a few different PR companies, most of which I was not happy with. One, Joe McNano, who I love. She's a great one to check out. But I will tell you, get ready to spend some cash. PR is not cheap.

Okay, here's the next question. Hey, Heather, I hope you and your son are well. Have you ever had someone get on a call with you? And you talk about maybe having them on your show and then they just take over. No. I do not, but this happened to this woman. Okay, this guy sent me a meeting link for a time slot that we tentatively discussed. He's ignoring me on email, and I'm really turned off by this.

Okay, should I tell him why he's not going to be a guest, or should I just give a cookie cut or reply back? Here's the thing. No is a complete sentence, right? It's your show. You do you, boo. You don't need to explain to anyone. So if you thought the guy was possibly a candidate to be a guy.

guest and then you decided he isn't any longer, shoot him a note and say, you know what, this isn't the right fit. Thanks. Best of luck to you. Moving on, keep it moving. We do not need to explain ourselves when it's your show. It is your show. Now, it would be different if you worked for a company. It was their podcast and it was your boss calling you. Okay, then you're probably going to have to justify it, right, because you work for him, but you do not work for this guy. Ping, ping that person away. Bye-bye. Okay. Hey, Heather, can I ask you a question? Over the last several months, multiple people and companies have been contacting me trying to sell me virtual speaking programs where they promise I'll make a lot of money as a virtual speaker. Since you are

much deeper into this speaking business, what do you think? Are they just selling me or is there really something there? Here's what I said back to this gentleman. And here's what I want to share with you. If people are guaranteeing you things, then have them guarantee it, right? So if someone's saying, I promise you this or I guarantee this, then great. Go ahead and writing and guarantee it for me. What does that look like? Are you guaranteeing me five paid speaking engagements a month to the tune of $50,000? Put that in writing. Give me the guarantee. And I'll even one up you one better. The hesitation apparently is this guy doesn't want to make the investment or he's unsure if you should make the investment. I would flip the script on that. I would go back to these vendors or

companies and say, you sound really convinced that you can deliver on this. To that end, I don't want give you a front-end retainer or front-end fee, I'll pay you a commission on all the bookings you land me. Then everybody's happy, right? You don't have to take the risk on investing in something that may or may not materialize, and these people that are so convinced they can deliver a few, they're going to be motivated to do it even faster because they're going to get paid commission. And I'll guarantee you that they don't want to take that deal, because the reality is they really weren't going to guarantee the bookings. I've never seen that happen, right? They'd have to truly believe in that person as a speaker and in their contacts and ability to close deals

really quickly. Okay. So I changed my coaching program. My coaching program during the pandemic initially launched as a combination of one-on-one coaching and group coaching. I've changed it for 2021 for a few different reasons, but one, I learned about the business. And I met with the CEO of a really large coaching company. And we actually talked about me going to work for him because he's been doing this for 15 years.

he taught me a lot about the business and enlighten me that I was merging two different opportunities. One, a group opportunity because you can charge less and reach more people and help more people in a larger group setting. That's one piece of the business. The other piece of the business is one-on-one, which is much higher price ticket and, you know, much more individual and personalized. Okay, great. So 2021, that's what I've done. I am doing individual one-on-one coaching, which I only can take, I can only take on two more. I allocated a certain amount of time per week to that. The group coaching will be every Friday at noon EST,

and the group coaching is for anyone that wants to be held accountable to deliver on their new year claims and new year vision that wants to be motivated that is in sales or, well, P.S., we're all in sales, right? It doesn't matter if you're an author, you're a podcast host, you're an account executive, we are all in sales. So sales is my superpower. That's my jam. And I can help you around social media, launching a personal brand, going to the next level and driving revenue for you. So if that's something you're interested in, my group program is launching this Friday. I'm super excited. And again, I did this last year with a smaller group. This year's going to be a bigger group,

but we're going to do live Q&A every Friday. You can email me your questions ahead of time. I mean, this is going to be super productive. I guarantee results because that's how I roll. And I got to tell you, New Year's Eve, I received so many flipping beautiful notes from the clients that I worked with last year. I did a bang-up job.

I'm really, really proud of it. I had never done this coaching program or business. I didn't even know that was an industry either. By the way, it's a multi-billion-dollar industry. had no idea yet again. So if you are interested, go to my website, Heather Monaghan.com, and you can sign up for my group program launching this Friday, and I can't wait to see you there. So as always, if you are not subscribed, please subscribe to the show. I would love it if you could leave me a rating, a review, and share on social media whenever you do. I repost, retweet, re-share, re-insta-Story, and show my gratitude to you. So thank you so much

for being here and until next week, keep creating your confidence.