Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Amy Morin Returns to Share How She Harnesses Mental Strength in Her Business Episode 72

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

The psychotherapist and star author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, Amy Morin, gives us a backstage look into her business and how she uses her own techniques to achieve success. Menta...l strength can look like the foresight to prioritize only the best business opportunities or it can be 6 pack abs! It comes in all forms and Amy discusses it’s necessity in our personal, parenting, business, and even fitness lives. Join us as Heather and her mentees dive in deep with Amy about all things mental strength and how to lean on it when anxiety, fear, and uncertainty abound.  About The Guest: Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, mental strength trainer, and international bestselling author. She's a highly sought after keynote speaker who gave one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time. Her books, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, and 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do have been translated into more than 30 languages. She's a columnist for Inc., Forbes, and Psychology Today and her articles on mental strength reach more than 2 million readers each month. Finding Amy Morin:  Website: https://amymorinlcsw.com/ Buy her books: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do 13 Things Strong Kids Do (releasing in 2021) Listen to her new podcast: Mentally Strong People with Amy Morin Instagram: @amymorinauthor To inquire about my coaching program opportunity visit https://mentorship.heathermonahan.com/  Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com  *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating!   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 When there's a penalty on the field, referees are there to sort it out. When there's an accident on the road, Sergeant Lindros, I'm glad you're okay. That's where USAA steps in. We help make the claims process easy, so drivers can get back on the road fast. Making the right calls, that's what we're made for. USAA
Starting point is 00:00:21 Membership eligibility and product restrictions apply in our subject to change. USAA means United Services Automobile Association and its affiliates. San Antonio, Texas. You know that fresh produce is the best produce. That's why at Croger, we invest in local farmers to bring you seasonal picks that taste fresh from the farm good, like sweet corn, refreshing watermelon, and juicy peaches. So whether you're a delivery lover, a picker upper, or you shop in store, your local produce always tastes 100% fresh. Or you get a 100% refund guaranteed. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals. We've come at a first aid,
Starting point is 00:01:07 and set you up for a better tomorrow. Love your new city, I'm ready for my close. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me again this week. So it was a crazy weekend for me. We went away to a really great resort with a bunch of friends of ours and a lot of kids
Starting point is 00:01:28 and had such an amazing time. We really have not been doing very much because of COVID and it was so, so fun to get a change of scenery, to be outside, to be with people we haven't seen in a long time. It was really, really exciting. However, anytime you do that, of course, when you get back home, you're unorganized, you're behind. You know, I took the entire weekend off and didn't work at all, which has not been my normal during COVID.
Starting point is 00:01:56 So I was super behind, and we actually ended up extending the last day of the trip, and it was funny. I had been on a waiting list to stay and check out on Monday, it was a holiday weekend. And they said, you know, I'd call down every day. How are we looking? How are we looking?
Starting point is 00:02:13 Nope, no luck, no luck. And we literally packed everything up. It was Sunday and we were leaving. I called the car up, brought all the bags downstairs, got the kids together and we were driving back home. I have friends that are in from Massachusetts. And our staying with us, and my girlfriend says, let's do one last stop by and just see. And this just goes to show you have to ask, you just have to.
Starting point is 00:02:39 And it was so good. Even though I'd been calling every single day and asking, at Nazim, she was right. We're leaving the building. Why not ask one more time? And thank goodness she did that. We walk up to the front desk. We ask, and he says, actually, we just got two key insolutions. Now when I tell you, we had been staying in the smallest room with two little boys and had mattresses everywhere, and it was just complete chaos
Starting point is 00:03:07 in this room that we had. So when they said that they had two rooms, we said, oh my gosh, that would be ideal because everybody could be in their own, you know, regular bed and that would be so great for a great night's sleep. And then to go back home, that way would just be perfect. We said, what are the rates like? And, you know, what are the rooms like? Well, it ends up. It was so surreal and crazy. The rates were better than when we had booked, you know, a month in advance for our trip that we had just been on. And the rooms were bigger and better. It was so bizarre. So it was one of those surreal moments that you just remind yourself, keep putting out there into the universe what it is that you want and keep showing up and asking for it even when you've been told no 900 times because that's exactly what
Starting point is 00:03:50 happened to us. We had the greatest time so glad we stayed that one extra night. It was so nice and everyone had an amazing time. So we get home this weekend things have been crazy because we live in a two-bedroom apartment and have so many people here. And it's just, it's been so fun and so crazy. So work has been super intense this week, one of those weeks where you're doing a lot of the legwork, but not seeing a lot of the fruition that you wanna see, which can get super, super frustrating,
Starting point is 00:04:23 but I've been doing this for a long time, and I know that that's usually right when you're about to break through on something big, and you just have to stay committed to that process, knowing that I'm always looking for a better way to improve the process, automate the process, optimize the process. However, you can't just give up on the process. You know it works, and until you find a better way,
Starting point is 00:04:42 you just keep burning it up and taking swings at it. So that's kind of what this week has been like, which has been a bit frustrating and I'm a little exhausted, but, you know, we just keep showing up. You really never know what the next day is going to hold and I've seen that enough times in my life that I'm just showing up, putting the work in
Starting point is 00:05:06 and hoping for the best, knowing that things will start coming together. They will start clicking. Then today, I had a call with my publisher and the publishing business. It has been going through some major challenges, which I wasn't aware of. I guess I hadn't been paying attention to this
Starting point is 00:05:24 that there had been a significant hit in book sales, in hardcover book sales, specifically, because they're essentially for months now has been no in-store opportunity to buy, right? So people are only buying things online, which means they're not, you know, just picking up a book as they walk through a mall and see Barnes and Noble or, you know, it made a lot of sense when they explained it to me, but it also puts tremendous pressure on the publishers, on the printing presses and, you know, people are scrambling. Now that's not unlike any other business. I feel like most businesses right now are going through these really hard times and questioning
Starting point is 00:06:00 what's going to happen. But I'm new to publishing, right? This really older, established business. I'm new to it, super excited about it. And these are sort of the rookie pains that you go through. It was a tough call today hearing about, you know, what expectations are,
Starting point is 00:06:18 and delays that are happening, and funding that's being cut, and again, the same things that we're seeing in so many different industries, but this happening in this really new to me industry that I self-published my first book. And so going with a traditional publishing house is super exciting to me.
Starting point is 00:06:35 And I'm so excited and grateful to get to work with experts now, but now seeing them go through a hard time. And it just reminds me that in the end, it's really up to you and you alone to sell your product, whatever that may be, whether it's coffee or books or services or speeches or whatever, you know, you've really got to figure out what is that process and how can you speed up that process to fill those pipelines to accelerate revenues. And I've just been thinking about that a lot today that as much as I'm grateful to be with a great publisher and
Starting point is 00:07:06 So excited for that experience in the end. It is own me to sell those books and I'm going to just constantly challenge myself and think and the good news Is I have some time the books coming out in 2021 that what are those best practices and how can I re-imagine them? How can I come up with a different better way that someone hasn't seen yet? How can I approach this in a way that I know will accelerate success for my book sales? Because that is my goal is to get that book into as many hands as many people out there that meet it. And it's funny speaking with someone about this today that the challenges finding who your right qualified best potential clients are and matching those people up on a quick call with you so that you can show the services that you deliver and move forward in a business
Starting point is 00:07:56 partnership. Sounds easy, but given all the noise and the disparity and audiences and differences out there, it's not always easy. You know, it just, it takes a lot of testing, a lot of trying and that whole attitude that I will just keep getting back up and swinging and figuring it out and keep getting back up and trying something different and just a commitment to not giving up. So don't give up on whatever your dream or vision is, it's all about taking that next step and staying committed to it. So I'm right there in it with you. I promise you that. So today's a little different. I did something like this a couple weeks ago, but I wanted to give you guys a behind the scenes again. As you know, I have a group mentoring program and one-on-one executive
Starting point is 00:08:40 coaching and consulting program that I've launched in May during quarantine. And it's been going great and it's amazing and I'm so proud of it and really love the people I work with and have been able to help a lot of people and really impactful ways and it's been great. So one of the things I look to do to add value for them is I bring in a guest speaker each month. And I had tapped my friend Amy Morn
Starting point is 00:09:03 who's the best-selling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. She's actually launching her brand new podcast. This week, you've got a lesson, I'm actually one of her guests. She's an unbelievable speaker, unbelievable human being, and her TED Talk has 15 million views.
Starting point is 00:09:18 It's one of the most viewed TED Talks that's out there. So you gotta check her out. She's a really impressive person. And she's actually a licensed therapist. And that's how this. So you got to check her out. She's a really impressive person. And she's actually a licensed therapist. And that's how this all started for her. So anyhow, she and I became friends over a year ago through a mutual friend of ours. And we've always wondered how we can work together
Starting point is 00:09:36 and partner on events and do things together. She lives further south and Florida than I do, but we are pretty close to one another. And I had asked her, I said, but we are pretty close to one another. And I had asked her, I said, hey, can you dial in for me on one of my Zoom team meetings on a Friday. And she said, yes, but it ended up, you know, there was no wifi one time and another time she was traveling and another time, you know, life was going on, whatever it was.
Starting point is 00:10:00 So she had scheduled to attend my talk and essentially let everyone ask her as a therapist and this bestselling author questions. And it's so fun because you get to kind of pull the covers back and understand what really goes on and ask your own questions. So I was so excited for it. She ends up reaching out to me the day or two before we were scheduled to do it. And she says, you're not going to believe this. I have to go to Miami for a meeting.
Starting point is 00:10:26 What do you think about me coming over to do it? Otherwise, I'm going to be driving in the car. And I said, you know, absolutely. I haven't had hardly anyone in my house since quarantine hit. But, you know, I know she's very safe. And obviously, trust her. And I said, sure, come here. And let's do it here together.
Starting point is 00:10:44 So it ends it up. It was so fun. It's fun just to see other people and be around people that you haven't seen recently. And I was so grateful for her doing this for me and for my team. So I wanted to give you guys just a little insight into how she answered the questions that my team asked her
Starting point is 00:11:01 and find out what you think. I really love the advice that she imparted on all of us and just appreciate so much that she came here, she came to my condo, she showed up and dropped some major values, I'm hoping that you take a lot out of this combo. Let me know what you think, here it comes. Let me see the different guests each week.
Starting point is 00:11:21 What are you on the earth? All of us, really. We're honored today to have Amy Morin up in Miami Beach and welcome, Amy. Thank you. Thanks for having me here. So I have to tell you guys it's so funny. Amy and I met a little over a year ago through Mutual Friends in New York and we were going to be speaking at a live event that never came to fruition. And Amy's taught me a lot over the past year, year and a half.
Starting point is 00:11:51 And one of the things that she taught me that was super helpful was we were on these calls with these people that were not treating us great. And there was a lot of really influential people on these calls. And Amy and I would always find ourselves after the call texting privately. Like I didn't like that in true say I don't get a good feeling either. Heather something's wrong. Something's wrong. And finally Amy said to me, that's it. We're pulling the report on this. We don't feel good about it.
Starting point is 00:12:15 We have to trust our guts. I won't go in all the details, but she was so right. And it was such one of those lessons that I wanted so badly to be a part of something so big with so many big names And it was such a big opportunity that I was trying not to listen to my gut And Amy just gave me that great reminder that hey, we always need to listen to our gut We both feel the same way we're out of here And it was such a good life lesson for me Well, it was some of those things we put in so much time and so much energy It was tempting to just say if we just hang in a little longer, we'll make it happen, but it was frustrating. And I knew if it was already that frustrating,
Starting point is 00:12:49 the only thing that would make it worse was making it that frustrating, plus one more day. And she was so right, what we came to find out was not good. So it worked out great that we pulled out of that. And then randomly Amy was in New York. I was in New York. I had been wanting to have Amy on my podcast for a while. And we were messaging and she said,
Starting point is 00:13:08 hey, I'm in town, I said, oh my gosh, I am too. We were supposed to be doing that live event that day. That's right. But wouldn't you know I get a DM from a stranger that says, I'm here for your event and they never heard that we canceled the event. So I felt so bad that I invited the woman up to my suite. And she ended up being the nicest lady. And then she sat with us as we recorded the podcast. And she kind of like got her own
Starting point is 00:13:33 private session, which ended up to be like the greatest thing. So it was a great day. Yeah, because I remember she answered the door. And when she wasn't listening, Thur says, I don't know her. I just met her five minutes ago. listening to her says, I don't know her. I just matter five minutes ago. But she ended up great. All worked out well. And to that end, so as you guys know, Amy was in Maine without Wi-Fi and couldn't come on once. Amy was gracious enough to change dates
Starting point is 00:13:55 when Chris Voss needed to take her date. And then two days ago, hey, I'm in a meeting in Miami. I don't know how I'm gonna dial in. What do you think? Should I dial in from the car or come over? And I said, come on over. And yet again, our crazy experiences. Here we are.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Right. That's crossed at the right moment again. Seriously. And just so you guys know, Amy's launching her new podcast, which you've been recording a ton of episodes for. Yes. And when is that coming out? September 14th, called Mentally Strong People. And we've been interviewing lots of really
Starting point is 00:14:27 cool people who exemplify mental strength. And so I know that you guys are all familiar with her book. 13 things mentally strong people don't do. And her TED talk, which has 14 million views currently. It's insane. I'm so proud of her. And just to give one more personal testimony and story on Amy, when I was giving my first TED talk, or TEDx talk, I was super nervous and practicing like a maniac, and I recorded it into my computer and I emailed it to Amy. I said, could you do me a favor and will you listen to this and tell me what you think? And this was like three weeks before. And a couple of people had said to me, I don't really like the beginning,
Starting point is 00:15:07 and I was like, whatever, you know, piece out. And then I said, it's Amy. Amy sent it back to me, and I don't remember verbatim. But she said something like, how do you can do better than this? The beginning isn't really what you're potentially. Like, I know that you can challenge yourself to come up with something,
Starting point is 00:15:22 and then she gave me like a ton of compliments, and then closed with, I know that this isn't done yet. It's not where you're actually going to take it and you are absolutely going to kill it. And for some reason, maybe because she has 14 million views on hers or maybe it was the approach she used with me that was able to connect with me that other people hadn't used. Immediately, I just started to work on, I'm changing the beginning of this top and ended up that the beginning came out so much better. So thank you so much for that. Thank you for approaching me in the right way and then also spending the time to listen to my talk which meant so much to me. So we're not at 14 million views yet. We're at 30k. We've got a little way
Starting point is 00:15:58 to go, but nothing to see yet. 30k is really good. So we're going to move on from that. Now Amy, so not only does she have this huge TED Talk, not only does she have the most amazing book that's been translated into how many languages? More than 40 now. It's a freaking franchise and how many iterations of the book do you have now? So there's three, we did the first one
Starting point is 00:16:17 and we forgot two spin-offs and then the kids' book comes out next year. So it really has become its own entity, its own franchise, its own business, which is unbelievable to me, because I know how hard it is just to get one book to sell, you know, X amount of copies, right? It's very challenging and to see the trajectory
Starting point is 00:16:34 that you've gone on over the last four years. So 2014's in my first book came out. So it's just amazing to see what can happen with momentum, hard work, commitment, and just continuing to do the right thing. And that's why I'm so grateful she's here today to talk to you guys, to answer your questions. And I know everyone's got a lot of questions for,
Starting point is 00:16:56 so I don't know who wants to open up first. Could you maybe think about or share with us three things that you think differentiated yourself from? Because there's a lot of books out there, there's a lot of TED talks out there. So what three things that you think differentiated yourself from, because there's a lot of books out there, there's a lot of TED talks out there. So what three things do you think really contributed to your success? Oh, good question.
Starting point is 00:17:12 Well, congrats on your book. It's exciting. Thank you. I'm nerve-wracking it is when you're almost there and you're like waiting for the book to come out and so many emotions that come out. As far as what made it stand out, I think my, it started out as an article, the 13 things mainly, strong people don't do that come up. As far as what made it stand out, I think my, it started out as an article,
Starting point is 00:17:26 the 13 things, mainly strong people don't do that went viral. I think the reason it went viral was because it was about what not to do. And it was one of the first articles that said, you know, had or don't in it. So I think that's what helped it get started. And then I think, as far as my book sales
Starting point is 00:17:41 and book translations, I think one of the things that helped I'm a therapist, but I also talked about my own struggles. I didn't want to sound like I was perfect, but I came out and tried to be authentic and say it's not that I'm awesome or that I learned these things because I am a therapist.
Starting point is 00:17:56 I learned them through my own life experience. So I think that helped. And I think the same with my TEDx talk, when I gave the talk, I remember stepping off the stage and my voice cracked a whole time. I was nervous, and I remember stepping off the stage thinking, I hope nobody sees that, because I definitely didn't sound mentally strong, I sounded like I was terrified, which I was. But that has turned out to be one of the things that has helped perpell it,
Starting point is 00:18:17 is that people heard that in my voice and were able to say, yeah, you were scared, and you did it anyway. So I guess I would say just being myself and not trying to pretend like I'm like, yeah, you were scared and you did it anyway. So I guess I would say just being myself and not trying to pretend like I have it all together when I definitely don't. I think we can all emphasize with that because we all don't have it together, hardly ever. So Amy, I know that you do a lot of work with kids and given this time that we're living in
Starting point is 00:18:41 as my son is in the next room doing Zoom School, what are some of the things that we can do as parents, whether as a parent or as an employer, like what can we offer people that are challenged during this difficult time? So I think one of the biggest things for parents, in particular, is to an opportunity to show your kids that right now is a great learning experience.
Starting point is 00:19:02 This is life, life is weird, but how do you deal with it? I see some parents that are trying to pretend like it's normal. Some parents that are still stressed out, but they're not talking about it. Other parents who feel like they they can't get through this because how am I going to work? Plus have my kids work from home and there's no doubt it's stressful. So I think it's an opportunity to acknowledge how you feel. There's huge power in just labeling your emotions. When you say I feel anxious, it takes a lot of the sting out of that.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Or when you say I'm angry, just acknowledging it. And you don't even necessarily have to say it out loud, acknowledging it to yourself helps. But to talk to kids about their feelings too, I think it's a wonderful opportunity just to introduce more emotional vocabulary in there. Is it boring? Is it exciting? Is it anxiety-provoking?
Starting point is 00:19:40 Are you frustrated trying to do this from home? Something having more of those conversations. And then just taking a look at what are your coping skills? How do you deal with all those feelings? Because for parents and kids that are spending a lot of time at home, these days to figure out what are your coping skills? Are you binge watching Netflix? Are you reaching for comfort food? Or are you finding healthier things? You do yoga in the living room or you zoom with a friend or you go out for a cup of coffee with a friend when you can.
Starting point is 00:20:07 I think it's a great opportunity to teach kids all of those things, the healthy ways that you deal with with those feelings. Okay, well Amy just basically gave you the juxtapose of her life during the pandemic versus mine. I was eating all of my sons M&M's and binge watching Netflix while she was getting in the best shape of her entire life. Tell them about your fitness program that you launched. Yeah, so as a experience, a last summer, was in 13 months ago, I had run into this person who got six pack abs in 30 days when it was a man.
Starting point is 00:20:38 So I thought, I wonder if women can get six pack abs in 30 days, so I decided to try it and reach the goal. So my fitness trainer said, we should do a course together. And so we created a fitness course. And since then I've been on a journey to maintain my abs because it was a lot of work to get them. And the man that I met who had done it, he just did it for fun. And then he let them go. And I thought, oh, no, if I do this hard work to get six back out, there's no way I'm letting them go. So the first 30 days were terrible. And it was a lot of hard work to get six back out. There's no way of letting them go. So the first 30 days were terrible and it was a lot of hard work, but maintaining them's not that bad.
Starting point is 00:21:08 National security experts are warning our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked a third time at power station North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking our grid for vulnerabilities. They've identified nine key substations. If these substations are attacked power could be knocked out from coast to coast for up to 18 months. Imagine a black outlasting not days, but weeks or months your life would be frozen right in time right when the power goes out. That's why having your own solar power is more important than ever. With the Patriot Power Generator you get a solar generator that doesn't
Starting point is 00:21:43 install into your house because it's portable. You can take it with you, even use it inside. But it's powerful enough for your phones, medical devices, or even your fridge. And right now, you can go to FordPatreots.com and use code Confidence to get 10% off your first purchase on anything in the store, including the Patriot Power Generator. You'll also get their famous guarantee for an entire year after your order. Plus, free shipping on orders over $97, and a portion of every sale is donated to charities
Starting point is 00:22:12 who support our veterans and their families. Just go to fourpatriots.com and use code confidence to get 10% off. That's fourpatriots.com and use code confidence to get yours today. If your business earns millions or tens of millions of revenue, stop what you're doing and take a listen, because NetSuite by Oracle has just rolled out the best offer we've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:22:32 NetSuite gives you the visibility control you need to make better decisions faster. And for the first time in NetSuite's 22 years as the number one cloud financial system, you can defer payments of a full net suite implementation for six months. That's no payment, no interest for six months. And you can take advantage of this special financing offer today. Net suite is number one, because they give your business
Starting point is 00:22:54 everything you need in real time, all in one place to reduce manual processes, boost efficiency, build forecast, and increase productivity across every department. Now, listen, the importance of having all this information in one place to make better decisions is unprecedented. The offer NetSuite is giving you is unbelievable and it's making it all possible for you to have it.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Now, 33,000 companies have already upgraded to NetSuite gaining visibility and control over their financials, inventory, HR, e-commerce, and more. If you've been sizing NetSuite up to make the switch, then you know this deal is unprecedented. No interest, no payments, take advantage of the special financing offer at NetSuite.com slash monahan. NetSuite.com slash monahan to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm.
Starting point is 00:23:42 NetSuite.com slash monahan. But I also think what's interesting from a business standpoint guys about that is yes, she's built this brand. Yes, she's got great personal brand equity. The both, the 13 things has equity. But now she's taking it to it. There's a new iteration here.
Starting point is 00:23:58 Now she's taking it into health and fitness. Now there's a coach. It just keeps evolving. It's not stagnant. Those are the things that I'm hearing from her is, how can I grow it beyond just one thing? And what are those potential other options we're not considering right now?
Starting point is 00:24:11 Because I would have never thought to launch a fitness product out of 13 things, but it all aligns together. It does, and it was the first thing, the first tangible evidence I could give of mental strength. I can talk about mental strength, and what it means to you mentally strong, but the physical strength, that's why I could show a picture before and after
Starting point is 00:24:28 picture. And then people were really like, oh, I can actually look at the results and then to say, okay, here's a tangible item I can sell related to that, which is a course. Nobody wants to read a book about fitness. You actually want to do the fitness activities. So it just made sense to say, let's add this other product and see what happens. And it helped me reach a new audience that maybe wouldn't have been people to read my book in the first place. It's amazing. Such a great idea. I'm sure you've probably had a ton of ideas as well.
Starting point is 00:24:53 So how do you differentiate what's an idea you're going to run with and what's one that you're going to kind of shell, and then how do you sync with them? Yeah, I'm glad you asked that because that's actually one of the problems. There's so many opportunities to build apps and to have mastermind courses and to build more courses out. And you get so much input from people who don't necessarily know your business and you get bombarded with ideas and invitations and your inbox from people who say, you know, I already have this available.
Starting point is 00:25:17 You could just jump on board. It'll be simple and easy. So I think it's a matter of trial and error and figuring out, you know, what brings the most revenue, but also what's going to be the biggest time suck for you. You know, I created a course a few years ago and I've never updated it. It lives on my website, generates money every month. I don't advertise it. It's just sort of something.
Starting point is 00:25:35 If somebody comes to my website and they're looking for more, they can access that. And that was a good use of my time at the moment. I was building the course. I wanted to pull out my hair because it didn't feel like it was a good use to my time. There was no knowing if it was going to be, but it turned out to be a great use of it. Say with a podcast, I don't know for sure what sort of revenue stream that's gonna bring in.
Starting point is 00:25:54 So again, sometimes it's trial and error, but I think if you have too many streams of revenue, it's hard to do any of them well. So sometimes what I learned from my 30 day fitness challenge was if you make one thing your priority for 30 days, you can pretty much accomplish whatever you want. So I think if you take one revenue stream and you say for the next 30 days, I'm going to put everything into this, you can get it done and feel like you did it well as opposed to always having something on the priority list like number five, you just never get there. And then you'll learn over time which
Starting point is 00:26:23 things bring the most revenue. What was, we all make mistakes. I've certainly invested way too much time in certain things. And I just didn't get a good return on it or scrapped it halfway through like the talk. Because it just wasn't going to be worth it. And I think just trial and error and recognizing, OK, sometimes you don't know until you get there. And there's different theories on the minimum viable product
Starting point is 00:26:44 whether you should turn out a course when you know it's not good or you should work on it for another six months until you feel really good about it, different theories on that. And then sometimes it'll surprise you, the opportunities and invitations that come your way. I'm really never expected to become a speaker, but that's turned out to be a huge revenue source for me
Starting point is 00:27:01 is speaking. And then, of course, during the pandemic that has shifted since we aren't doing large events. So it's about staying flexible as well. And I guess just anticipating knowing that, yeah, as the market shift, that's things change, you know, your book, you'll get tons of advice from other authors about how you really make money. I had some people say, you don't make any money on your book, you only make it from speaking. I had other people say, you know, you only speak to cell copies of your book.
Starting point is 00:27:26 And I remember in early days thinking, like, who's writing, who's wrong? But obviously nobody's right or wrong. It's just about building a business model that works for you. And I'll go back to what Amy's taught me, which is just focus on working with good people that you feel good about. And when you really know that in your heart,
Starting point is 00:27:42 good things will happen. And just trust yourself that, yeah, we're going to try things. There's trial and error. Keeps around yourself with good people and keep following your intuition and things will work out. My question is around authenticity. So I think you have kind of had a real authentic service found a real need that you can serve in a very valuable way.
Starting point is 00:28:02 How have you kind of navigated that when there are peers around your competitors that are in that same space, huge brands, perhaps not as valuable of a service that they provide, and how do you cut through that noise, and how do you say true to yourself, to not get wrapped up in all of kind of that bright and shiny marketing services that are out there. So I don't know how you've managed to kind of walk that tight rope and do both. Good question. It is tough.
Starting point is 00:28:29 And you see those people that are selling their $3,000 course for $99 when you just buy it today. And these people that have these fancy click funnels and they give away a free product and it takes you somewhere else. And they used to be the webinars that you know always tried to get you to come in and it is frustrating. I'm a therapist and there's tons of self-help gurus out there who are selling products and they are way better at marketing than I am and they have
Starting point is 00:28:55 fancy design teams and social media graphics and they know exactly what they're doing but for me what sold my products is word of mouth. It's been huge. That's what sold my books. My book didn't hit a bestseller list until two years after it came out. It hit the Wall Street Journal and USA today bestseller list two years later. And it was just because of word of mouth. We didn't have a huge campaign going on.
Starting point is 00:29:15 It was actually after my publicists were really far out of the picture. There was no gimmicks, no nothing. And that's how I saw a lot of online courses too. And so I firmly believe if you create a good product and you say what you're going to deliver and then you actually deliver it, people will talk about you, they'll say good things about you.
Starting point is 00:29:32 It's those clickbait things and people fall for them and end up feeling like I just spent all this money and got nothing, they'll talk about you in a not so good way. And they're gonna advise people not to go there and tell them to steer clear. So I think those things often work in the short term for people. They might make a lot of money really fast. But I think when you're playing the long game, people are going to like it because
Starting point is 00:29:52 they trust you and that you feel to brands that they know is reliable. So even though I have 14 million views on my TEDx talk, I have like 20,000 followers on Instagram. I've never hired a social media marketing team. I post when I can, that sort of a thing. And my newsletter following is minuscule compared to most people that ever size, you know, got two million readers every month on their newsletter. That's sort of a thing.
Starting point is 00:30:16 I don't even have a blog on my website. I've just always done things sort of my own way, but I find that when you deliver things, when you say, hey, this is what I'm gonna teach you, and then you actually teach them, and it's a value. People will come back. They'll tell their friends. They'll recommend it.
Starting point is 00:30:27 They'll buy it for their friends. And your long game will definitely stand out that way. I'm a new parent. I'm a young parent. I was a young, I'm in my early 30s. I have an 11-month-year-old daughter. And one of my biggest fears is having her grow up into this new world where it's very digital.
Starting point is 00:30:45 It removes the human interaction, the human touch. And at the same time, there's so much coddling everywhere in terms of like a victim mentality or in terms of entitlement. So I'm doing my best because, you know, it's hard. You work all day and you come home or you go into the living room and it's so easy to turn on a Disney movie and let her entertain herself. And you feel so guilty about it because you know that those early months
Starting point is 00:31:13 and those early years are so critical for that growth of just the confidence and having them interact on a physical level. But just when just here, if you had any thoughts about early stage parenting in the digital world and then how to avoid a scenario where society is just so abrupt about trying to make young individuals feel like, hey, there's a safe space here or hey, someone owes you something or let's all talk about using our words correctly and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Great questions. And I think in a pre-COVID world, we were telling people, you know, don't use screens so much. Now we're telling kids, sit on the screen all day and go to school. It's a weird message. It's a weird world that we're in. But I'm a therapist and I spent most of my career as a child therapist, but then I saw adults after that. But just rest assured, I never have had any adults come in and say, you know, I'm scarred for life because my parents let me watch too much CV
Starting point is 00:32:03 or anything like that. So I think it's really about, you know, I'm scarred for life because my parents let me watch too much CV or anything like that. So I think it's really about, you know, cut yourself some slack for sure. And as long as we raise kids so that they recognize their feelings and then they know how to cope with those feelings, I think the rest is much easier to do. So if you have a kid who knows, gosh, I feel anxious and I'm on the scale to deal with my anxiety, whether it's take some deep breaths, I go for a walk, and then they can recognize somebody else's emotions to say, gosh, when I say that, that makes my dad really sad.
Starting point is 00:32:31 They're gonna be way ahead of the game. I think that Trump's pretty much all other academic skills and the other skills that we look at if you just teach them to manage their own emotions. As parents, we tend to calm kids down, we cheer them up. We take too much responsibility. If you buy my book, there's a whole chapter on how to not take responsibility for to calm kids down, we cheer them up. We take too way too much responsibility. If you buy my book, there's a whole chapter
Starting point is 00:32:46 on how to not take responsibility for the way kids feel, but instead give them those skills so they can be responsible for their own emotions. And then when they have a problem, they'll talk about it. And they'll be much more likely to know how to deal with it in a healthy way. Thank you very much. Appreciate that.
Starting point is 00:33:00 You're welcome. What are some of the coping mechanisms that kids can use with anxiety right now? Yeah, anxiety is huge unless you will say you must see so many people with depression, I see way more people with anxiety and depression. For kids to know anxiety is healthy, it's normal, we're supposed to be anxious. When your friends says go jump off that bridge, you're anxiety should kick in and you think that's a bad idea. So we don't want them to think anxiety is bad. It's good thing, it's supposed to keep you safe, but that sometimes we have faults alarm bills. You might be sitting
Starting point is 00:33:27 on your couch and your anxiety skyrockets for no reason. And just recognizing that, okay, is this real or is this a fault alarm? And until we often talk to kids about anxiety is to recognize, you have a real anxiety alarm or a false one. Maybe you're nervous about giving a talk in front of the class. We're giving a talk in front of the class is an actually dangerous, but your brain's reacting as if it is. And how can you calm yourself down? We want to teach them how do you calm your brain and how do you calm your body?
Starting point is 00:33:52 So it might be a matter of coming up with a saying to calm your brain. Maybe it's something really simple like, I'm okay. And you repeat that over and over. So as all those thoughts about this is awful, the kids are going to laugh at me. You just say, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. Kind of drowns them out. And then it calm your body. Sometimes it's a couple of deep breaths. Sometimes it's imagining that you're in your happy place on the beach wherever it is. And for kids to recognize, but my heartbeat's really best. That means I'm anxious, but it doesn't mean anything's wrong. Because sometimes kids will say, when my hands get sweaty,
Starting point is 00:34:23 my heartbeat's really fast. I just feel like something horrible is going to happen and for them to know, no, that's just sort of your brain had a little bit of a false alarm. Like when the mom burns toast and the smoke alarm goes off sometimes, the house isn't actually on fire, that's a false alarm. When we teach them those sorts of things, just to recognize, you're just gonna have some anxiety,
Starting point is 00:34:39 it doesn't have to be awful, you can tolerate some anxiety, but you also can calm yourself down when you feel that way. Oh, I love that false alarm. That was so good. The majority of the issues I've had in building my visits have been mostly in here. I have a lot of fear in post-versal nervous, etc. I guess I'm just curious. For some tips and coping mechanisms are just kind of little things to kind of help for break that cycle or be more realistic with myself, I don't know. Good question. Good questions.
Starting point is 00:35:07 And so yeah, so sometimes a lot of people come to see me for therapy and they're like, do I need to do any help with productivity, do I need more motivation? And often the answer is no, you've just taken on too much stuff. We don't need any productivity tips there. You're trying to fit 30 out because it work into a 24 hour day and hopefully you sleep in there somewhere.
Starting point is 00:35:23 So I think maybe some self-reflection at the end of the day, every day you just ask yourself, did I, did I fight off more than I could chew? And if you did, then how do I do better tomorrow? And maybe keeping track of how many things you say no to me. I find it super powering now to say no to more things than I say yes to. And I'm thinking better, that's still something I'm working on too. I have exciting opportunities that come my way that five years from now and somebody would have asked me to do what I would have jumped at it. It would have been
Starting point is 00:35:51 one of the biggest opportunities of my life, but now I have to say no to it. So I feel like our brains take a while to catch up with what level of success that we're at. And so even though you're, sounds like you're really successful, your brain isn't quite there yet. So you're still probably accepting things that you don't need to accept. And so just to remind you're becoming more aware of that that at the position that you're in and the opportunities you have come in your way,
Starting point is 00:36:13 you should probably be saying no to a lot. So maybe at the end of the day, you ask yourself, what did I say no to today? And it's painful sometimes to turn those things down because you never know, maybe that was a huge opportunity that that person presented, but until you really focus on the things you're supposed to focus on, it's hard to,
Starting point is 00:36:29 you won't make any progress. There's a good book to essentialism, Greg McCown, wonderful book that just talks about, you know, saying no to more things than we actually say yes to, so that you feel like, okay, in fact, the subtitles that discipline pursuit of less. And I think for people that are a little bit anxious and super high achievers, that's tougher to do.
Starting point is 00:36:48 It's tougher to say no to more things than it is to say yes to them. It's that fear, right? That, oh, what if these opportunities are gonna stop coming and suddenly I'm gonna miss one, so I have to take everything because we're still operating from a place where we weren't getting that many opportunities.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Like, that's a really good reframe to just think of it as your brain hasn't had where you actually are yet. What type of ideas, or what type of suggestions do you have for business owners of trying to convince people to come back into the office? Anything you can recommend to alleviate their fear?
Starting point is 00:37:17 I think the biggest thing for people who are scared is we all feel better when we have a sense of control. If you ask somebody, are you more likely to get an accident when you're driving or when you're in the passenger, we all are like, oh, the passenger, because we think it's as a driver, and if we aren't gonna get rear-ended, it's not true. We might have an equal chance
Starting point is 00:37:34 whether you're the driver or the passenger, but we have a sense of control, our anxiety goes down. So I wonder if there's a way to give employees some sort of sense of control, even if it's what hours we work, or if it's you know Which obviously sit in or who cleans your chair? I don't know you may be able to come up with just some small thing so that people feel like I'm in control of this
Starting point is 00:37:51 And it even sounds like you invited them to come back. You didn't man-data Because I think when people think I have to do this then anxiety is gonna skyrocket So I think anything you can do to make sure that people feel like they have some sense of control and not just a illusion of control But some actual control over a few things help keep themselves safe. I think their anxiety will go down. Amy, is there something to, because when I'm listening to you describe that it seems to me, we create these new habits and like after quarantine, the habit is just to be home. You don't even, and I've seen my son and I get in a rut where even just to leave the house seems like, oh gosh, you want to leave the house where before I would leave the house 20 times a day,
Starting point is 00:38:28 it just seems like then you have it now. Yeah, I think so. I think we all set these weird habits for ourselves and then we just do today. What we did yesterday, you just keep repeating it. And I found for me one of the best ways to get out of it is to go to a completely different environment. So for people who say, okay, I'm starting to run at home, maybe I can go to an office or maybe I can go to an office, or maybe I can go somewhere else. I can do something different.
Starting point is 00:38:47 It sort of forces you to hit the reset button if you just say, okay, how do I establish a new sense of normal for myself and often it's just a new environment. For me, I usually spend part of the summer in Maine and part of the summer down here. A habits are completely different in Maine than they are down here.
Starting point is 00:39:03 I do the same work, I do a lot of the same things, but something about being in a different environment there compared to here. I don't know. I just do things differently. Yeah. That's good advice. I was thinking of going to even just like an outside coffee place or something to do work just to get myself out of the rut of staying inside all day.
Starting point is 00:39:19 Yeah. Absolutely. Our environment plays a huge role in how we feel, how we perform. So sometimes it's physically changed where you are and see what happens. Getting into the spasher in right now, looking back, what would you have said was the number one priority to give your transition from a doctor to a coach and really put yourself out there. What's the one thing you would have focused on for that 30 days?
Starting point is 00:39:46 As I transitioned from being on therapist in an office to coaching people. Yep, and making yourself out there. Because you said a lot of your business came from word of mouth. Yeah, and so actually that's how it started. So I had a friend who's a coach and she encouraged me to do coaching.
Starting point is 00:40:01 She's a therapist, but she said, you don't wanna do therapy anymore, do coaching. And so actually last summer, I was looking at office space in Miami, because I thought, I could do one day a week. I wanted to stay relevant. I published or wanted me to stay relevant in terms of still seeing people.
Starting point is 00:40:16 I'd taken a break from it. I wasn't doing any coaching at all. And so I was looking at office space. And in the meantime, I got an email from somebody that said, I'd like you to be my coach. And to be honest, I sort of made up a number. I added an extra zero to what I would have gotten as a therapist per hour.
Starting point is 00:40:31 It's awesome. It's pretty good. Yeah, I have to have a four hour minimum, as opposed to therapy, it was 50 minutes. And he said, no problem. And so that's why I was in Miami today. He flies into Miami still once a month to see me. And it was the worst that I needed to know,
Starting point is 00:40:44 oh, I don't have to be a therapist to, you know, building an insurance company. I can add an extra zero and people will still come see me. And then it just bloomed from there. And it was a matter of then saying, you know, now I get to say no to people who come to me for therapy or for coaching because I don't have enough space. It's not something I really want to spend
Starting point is 00:41:00 a lot of my time doing, just a little bit of my time. So I added it to my website as something I do, but I don't do it a lot. And I just try to spend a lot of my time doing just a little bit of my time. So I added it to my website as something I do, but I don't do it a lot, and I just try to be picky about it. I really wanted to spend 30 days focusing on coaching. I'd write about it. I create more content around it and link from other websites. Like I said, I don't blog on my own website,
Starting point is 00:41:18 but I write for business insider, Forbes psychology today, and I can link back to it. And so rather than reaching out to PR people or trying to get a mention in a magazine, I just create the content myself. I would focus on probably creating 30 pieces of content in 30 days and linking back to my own website and seeing what would happen. That's excellent. Last question, very impressed with how quickly you were able to get the six packs, right?
Starting point is 00:41:42 Because that's definitely an area that I would like to work on. What kind of a diet did you have to accomplish that? The biggest thing for me was adding protein. I didn't eat meat. I wasn't like morally opposed to it. It just kind of grossed me out. So the first day I met my trainer, he said, can you eat chicken?
Starting point is 00:41:58 And I was like, yeah, it's not a problem. And he said, oh, really? You know, normally the vegetarian. And I have to, like, yeah, it's fine. I just don't love it. But I'll do it. So I just added two protein shakes. don't know, it's fine. I just don't love it, but I'll do it. So I just added two protein shakes.
Starting point is 00:42:06 It was low-car, blow-fat. I ate a lot of salad with a lot of chicken and a couple of protein shakes a day. I wasn't hungry ever. I'm still not hungry. I still eat a lot of eggs and a lot of chicken and protein shakes, but I saluted everything else too. So, you know, my diet is not nearly as strict as it was
Starting point is 00:42:23 and hasn't really been an issue. If you're struggling with swelling in your legs, ankles or feet, you're going to want to listen up. Forget your compression socks and water pills. New research shows that swelling and inflammation can be resolved by upping your intake of omega-3 fatty acids from krill oil. Omega-3's improved circulation while lowering inflammation on the body, all while reducing swelling and pain. And there's no better time to try krill oil for yourself.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Just go to fixswornfeed.com slash confidence to get 58% off native path and Arctic curl. This krill oil is pure, effective and easily absorbed into the body. And it contains a potent antioxidant, which helps further reduce inflammation and swelling. For a limited time, you can grab native path and article oil for as low as $23 a bottle. Just go to fixswollenfeet.com slash confidence. Say you have a business idea, but you're not sure what to do
Starting point is 00:43:20 next. Don't go into debt spending four plus years on a degree. Listen to the Millionaire University podcast, learn how to run a successful business and graduate rich, not broke. Trust me, you need to check out this podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is hosted by Justin and Tara Williams, who started their business from Square One and now have years of valuable experience. They hit lows and dug themselves out of debt debt and want to share the lessons they've learned
Starting point is 00:43:45 with aspiring entrepreneurs. You don't need a degree to succeed. Millionaire University will teach you everything you need to know. From specifics like how to start a software business without creating your own software, to more broad topics, like eight businesses you can start tomorrow to make 10K a month.
Starting point is 00:44:03 In each episode, you'll get insights from entrepreneurs and mentors who know what it takes to be successful. So don't wait. Now is the time to turn your business idea into a reality by listening to the millionaire university podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Find the millionaire university on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcast. This episode is brought to you by GlobalX ETFs. Start your investing journey by exploring
Starting point is 00:44:33 Exchange-Traded funds. Exchange-Traded funds, more commonly known as ETFs, create baskets of stocks, bonds, and other assets that you can buy in a single trade. At GlobalX, they specialize in ETFs that track emerging technologies, like the rise of electric vehicles, as well as strategies aimed to potentially generate income, and much more. To discover how you can add ETFs to your portfolio, visit GlobalXETFs.com. During your journey, and even maybe now, what have been the kind of negative thoughts that have popped up kind of automatically in terms of either being discouraged, feeling maybe this wasn't the right direction or maybe I shouldn't be doing this. And how did you cope with that? I guess you have the blessing to be a therapist. You kind of know some of those tools and tricks to kind of help shift your your thought process and then shift your actions. I'm curious what were your struggles and are you still kind of in periods of struggle today
Starting point is 00:45:28 in terms of things that you feel negative about and then you catch yourself and then are able to shift and how are you doing that in a, I guess, like a day-to-day state. And have your tools and techniques change in your entrepreneurial journey at all? Yeah, so I guess I still had a voice in my head that's just like, who are you to do this? What makes you think you could be successful? When I try a new revenue stream and it's clearly
Starting point is 00:45:52 not working out, then I have that voice that's in C. Told you you couldn't do that. All these other people have a huge team behind them, or they all know what they're doing. And here you are, trying to make something out of something that doesn't make sense. So yeah, I still struggle with that on a regular basis But now I have some successes behind me. So when I have that I just remember okay This part of the thing you know my new venture is a podcast and they're oh nobody's gonna listen to your podcast And I'm like duh 14 million people watch your tent. Maybe they will listen to see your podcast But before I had that even when I wrote my first book I just remember thinking nobody's gonna read this. This is awful.
Starting point is 00:46:25 I'm a therapist. I'm not an author. And even though I was a therapist, helping people deal with their negative thoughts, I dealt with all the same things. And I'm writing a book about mental strength as I'm thinking, you have no business writing a book. For so many levels,
Starting point is 00:46:37 because I felt like I probably wasn't good enough as an author, but also the who am I to say how to be mentally strong? So it was a matter of just working through fear and knowing, okay, if I can just put it out there, it's scary, but what's the worst it's going to happen? So he's going to make fun of me, yeah, they do sometimes, but that's okay. I can handle that. And knowing, I guess, the difference between recognizing when, when it's intuition, saying this is a bad idea versus just a lot of anxiety. So the talk that we were going to do and it was intuition saying,
Starting point is 00:47:05 this isn't gonna work out well, was much different than when I'm trying to launch something and I'm thinking, oh, this isn't gonna work, nobody's gonna buy it. And knowing the difference between the two that just because it's scary doesn't mean it's your God's or that you should be listening to it that you don't have to be confident all the time.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Using a lot of the same skills I teach other people in terms of mental strength and knowing, okay, I can get through this, it feels scary. But also to remember too, when you launch something and it doesn't work out, nobody really knows. I think we think, oh, if I put this article out there, nobody reads it, it's so embarrassing. Well, if nobody reads it, nobody knows you wrote it and it's not a big deal. And but I have so many friends who don't want to write something because they think, what if it's bad? Nobody will talk about it and you'll move on and you'll write something.
Starting point is 00:47:43 They'll remember when you do something good. And so if you launch a product and nobody buys it, so what? You might be out time and money, but it's not gonna be all the humiliation and thoughts about your complete failure and you can never succeed that might run through your head. That's super helpful to know that you're still going through it.
Starting point is 00:47:57 And I'm curious, you have a big kind of goal or vision that you haven't yet made that leap. It's still kind of out to there. And are you still thinking like how big or how much impact you want to have and kind of what are your thoughts about making sure that your message, your authentic message in tools and techniques are impacting as many people as possible? Yeah. So sometimes people will say to me like, you know what you need to get to the next level.
Starting point is 00:48:23 And I have to say when people say that to me, I just look back at them. I'm from a trailer park in Maine and you talk about getting to the next level. Like I wrote a book. I'm, why do I always have to get to the next level? I feel pretty proud of where I am most at the time. And so I think there's that pressure sometimes to feel like you should always be doing something else. 50 million people aren't reading everything you do and somehow you're a failure. Sometimes it's just about backing up and saying, it's okay. I make money on selling books and talking about things. I think that's pretty awesome. So sometimes I just have to back up and remind myself, pretty cool what I get to do. I don't have to get up and go into the office. But that's my joy in life is that I don't have to go into an office. I can get up anytime I want and I
Starting point is 00:49:04 don't get to go to bed anytime I want as a kid. I just try to never remember what that feeling was like. I hated school and on Sunday nights I felt physically ill and sometimes I actually threw up on Monday mornings because I hated school that much. I don't ever want to feel like that. So for me, success is knowing that on Monday morning, I don't have to feel like that ever again. So even if I never made another dime on this, I feel like now I have the skills to say
Starting point is 00:49:25 I can make money doing a lot of different things. And so even if nobody buys my books tonight, this whole mental strength thing disappears, I have skills so I can figure out other ways to make revenues. I don't ever have to do that. I'll feel like that again. But you also go on a wave runner every day at four o'clock. Yeah, that is part of my, part of my routine.
Starting point is 00:49:42 That's great. That's great. But I said, we need to know how to take care of yourself you journal the meditate and sit actually I just take my wife around her out So I live on a sailboat most of the time So like this pretty calm and relaxing so I don't need to get out my yoga mat and relax more I need to get on a jet-skingo fast and until I take care of myself. I read that I want to be the articles Good to see that?
Starting point is 00:50:05 Thank you. Well, I just wanted to say that, you know, based on some of the things that Amy said, she is just like everybody else here, right? Everybody that doubts themselves, everybody that wants to find hacks to get to the next level. And it takes, you know, doing the hard work, keep putting in the disciplines that we all know we need
Starting point is 00:50:22 to do and just keep going. And I also like the idea of celebrating where you actually are instead of constantly looking keep putting in the disciplines that we all know we need to do and just keep going. And I also like the idea of celebrating where you actually are instead of constantly looking at where we're going next because sometimes it's overachievers. We might not be doing that. And there is a lot to celebrate. And all of those celebrations are also proof that you are able to achieve success. You are able to get there, which just, you know, those are the building blocks for all of our futures. So thank you so much to Amy for being here
Starting point is 00:50:48 today. Thanks for having me. This was fun. I don't get to talk about the business aspect of what I do very often. So that's fun. Oh, so excited. And don't forget Amy's new podcast is going to be coming out guys. We definitely check that out in September. It's going to be fantastic. All right, everyone, have a great weekend. I ask you to try to find your passion. I hope you enjoyed meeting Amy as much as I enjoy just hanging around with her, being with her. This is actually the second time she's
Starting point is 00:51:15 been on the show. I did a more formal interview with her last year. If you haven't checked it out yet, please do. We get more into her book and the principles of her book. Today was more about her just answering these Q&A's and really relevant questions to today that we're all struggling with and dealing with, which I'm super appreciative she made time for.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Okay, so I got a couple of questions sent to me on LinkedIn and on Instagram in DMs and I always answer your questions here. So if you have them, fire away. Okay, let's get going. Thanks for getting back to me, Heather. I guess I wanted to talk about asking for a promotion or more money at my workplace with my job being fully remote.
Starting point is 00:51:54 I love your tips on how to build confidence and be a public speaker, and I think I'm pretty confident, but I am so nervous because I feel like asking for something like this over the phone is even more intimidating. I think I feel this way since I can't see my boss's reaction. It's interesting. A little premature, but I do want to raise before I hit the one-year mark. I'm afraid to ask since I've started.
Starting point is 00:52:15 I've written down all successes and daily journals with bullets of things that I did that day. I'd love some advice on how to kick those nerves to the curb and take action on a phone call conversation and where to start. Should I send a calendar invite when I'm ready or just call him out of the blue? I've never asked for a raise before other than a part-time job I had. So this is new to me. Okay. So first of all, I would suggest a Zoom meeting, right?
Starting point is 00:52:39 Because she brings up a good point. When you can't see someone's reactions, you're at a disadvantage. So for me, I want to be able to read the other person and feel more connected to them and have them look into my eyes. The more that they're connected to you, the better chance you have of getting what you want. Right, and I would absolutely not blindside somebody on this.
Starting point is 00:53:00 I would send a note and say, hey, is there a good time for you and I to get on a call? Next week, I'd like to get 30 minutes of your time for a Zoom meeting. There's a few things that I would like to discuss with you and really want to get your full attention. You don't need to say exactly what it is that you're asking for because you'll do that in your pitch in the process when you're live with that person. So you get on their calendar, you do all your homework. So the first thing that I would do is I'd go back and look at what were the job expectations when I was hired? What have I delivered on? What have I over-delivered? Where have I fallen short? Now the other thing
Starting point is 00:53:33 I'd look at is any follow-up feedback emails from your boss. So if you have any, oh my gosh, this is amazing. You did this great or I want to do a review for you and tell you how great you are blah, blah, blah. Gather all of that at a high level, put it into a document. You want to be able to send that back to him and say, hey, I compiled a lot of your feedback. Anything that's essentially going to justify and give credibility to what your claims are on the great job that you've done, I'd also gather reviews and recommendations from current clients, from people that you've worked with collaboratively during this virtual time at the company, whatever.
Starting point is 00:54:07 So you want to basically put together a file that's justifying everything that it is that you're putting down there. Now, numbers don't lie. So if you are in sales or you have specific numbers, you have to hit and you hit those, that's easy. But also, it is nice to have the color behind it in regards to feedback, testimonials from clients, peers and supervisors.
Starting point is 00:54:29 So I work on putting all that together. Then I put myself in that boss' shoes and run through the pitch. So think about what he cares about and I'm making this up, but maybe a lot of people on the team are struggling with morale and you're super positive. Maybe a lot of people aren't hitting numbers, but you are. Maybe some people are leaving or just essentially lay out the land in regards to how he sees it. Think to yourself, what is important to him is commitment and loyalty important to him, is keeping people around important to him, is mentoring and promoting people important to him.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Whatever it is, map it all out, right? Because what you want to do in order to get someone to do what you want, you need to get them to want to do it. So, you know, for me, I used to work for someone that hated change, petrified a change. But I knew he was more petrified of me leaving the company than he was of change within the company. And I would leverage that to my advantage. You have to figure out what are the pain points
Starting point is 00:55:29 that your boss has, what is the value add that you bring? So maybe it's that to find someone to replace, you will cost $30,000 from recruiting, from potential fallout and hiring the wrong person, from loss relationships, loss deals, really map out the scenario, but be thoughtful about your scenario and really create that blueprint
Starting point is 00:55:49 so that you know where it makes sense and what you should be bringing up to your boss. Take the time to do this the right way. When you do, you're really in a no-fail situation. So that's what I'd always done when I was back in corporate America, is I'd put myself in his shoes, I'd go through all the scenarios, run through all the potential objections and how you will overcome
Starting point is 00:56:09 them, right? We don't have the funds right now. I completely understand that. However, we aren't even in queue for yet and I know that we haven't finalized budgets for 2021. So if something is important to you, I know you can make that happen for 2021. Isn't there somewhere that you can look on your expense lines that you could shift some dollars to make this work? I want to stay here. I want to be with you. I want to grow with you. I'm committed to working for you. You know, like there's different ways to overcome objections. But you first have to write them all down and start mapping out what they may be. You can't do the face-to- so you wanna get on that Zoom call, you wanna connect to them,
Starting point is 00:56:46 you wanna empathize with their challenges. I'm sure this must be a tough time for you with so many employees trying to get a hold of you. I so appreciate your time. Right, you really wanna acknowledge them, you want them to empty your glass. How are you doing? How are you holding up in this time?
Starting point is 00:57:01 I know you have kids, how's the remote learning going? How are things happening for you? This must be a really difficult time for you. Let them empty their glass and tell you how they're doing. And then that information you garner from that exchange, you can actually use tiered advantage when you start pitching yourself for that job.
Starting point is 00:57:19 So that's how I would do it. Wish you luck, but the best way I've ever done it is from day one setting up the situation that I will be asking for a raise. I will be asking for promotion. On day one, when I went to that company, I used to work for, I said, I need to be CEO of this company, and here's why. Then I took a much lower position, but I had let them know from the beginning. You're going to need to check in with me every couple of months to reevaluate where I'm at
Starting point is 00:57:45 because I'm gonna be far exceeding your expectations and I'm gonna wanna get promoted and I'm gonna need to make more money because I deserve it. However, I took this job because I knew I could make an impact here and make a difference and I'm really excited to do it with you. But just check in with me every 30 or 60 or 90 days because we're gonna have to revisit this.
Starting point is 00:58:03 You know, I set that tone. So set that tone. Hey, I'm gonna raise the bar. I'm gonna go all in. I'm gonna do a phenomenal job for you. You've got a real deal right now, but when that happens, I just wanna know that you're in this with me,
Starting point is 00:58:14 that when I show you how valuable I am, that you're gonna pay me for that value. Right, so first you have to completely believe it and then you need to convince the other person. Okay, that was one question. Here's another. I'm reaching out because I feel really lost and would love some advice. I graduated college a year ago, started my first job.
Starting point is 00:58:31 I'm only in my early 20s. I know I have a long life ahead of me, but I am feeling super stuck in my career. And I am just not happy in my job. Ooh, that's a no-no. Problem is, I have no idea what I want to do and I have a hard time pinning down where my talents are. If you happen to have any advice, what would it be?
Starting point is 00:58:50 I would really find it so helpful. Any guidance you can give. Okay, first of all, what are the things you used to love to do? Forget about money for one minute. When you were younger, what did you want to grow up and be? When you have free time right now? Where is it that you want to spend it?
Starting point is 00:59:03 Do you love painting? Do you love working with children? Do you love writing? Figure out what it is that you love to do when you pull money out of the equation and that's an indicator to what you need to end up doing. Doesn't mean you'll not make any money. Now we have to figure out how you can leverage your talents, your passions and what you really want to do and connect that to a revenue stream. If you are adding value and you are doing something good and to your best of your abilities and it is your strength, there is a way to find some form of monetization through that. Now maybe today you can't quit the job that you're in and go jump into this dream job,
Starting point is 00:59:44 but you can start mapping out a plan on how you can get there. Maybe you say, okay, I really don't like this job. I'm not with good people. It's so negative. Okay, listen, let's go find something else for right now. Knowing the long-term goal is to get to where you really want to go. But I've gone through so many different phases in my life of working at different companies, doing different things. Now working for myself, my entire business changing six months ago, five months ago, because
Starting point is 01:00:11 of the pandemic, there are going to be so many iterations of you and your career, and that's okay. It's about embracing who you are and getting real with yourself on what you like to do, where you want to spend your time. And again, if it isn't going to happen today, that's fine. It's just about knowing that it will happen in the future. And what does that plan look like to get you there?
Starting point is 01:00:35 Yes, I don't love the job I'm in today. I'm going to go find a better company to do a job like this in because I'm qualified for it. But my real goal is to be an artist and I want to sell art or to be a curator and an art gallery or, you know, start looking at these industries, start talking to people about it, people in your network, people that you know, start putting it out to the universe, what it is that you really want to do and start watching how things start connecting for you. But it all starts with you getting real with you
Starting point is 01:01:05 and journaling's a great way to do this. When are you you're happiest? What are the things that you're doing when you're really happy? And I'll tell you, 20-something years in corporate America, I never thought I'd write a book, never thought I'd be a professional speaker, didn't even know that was a thing, never thought I'd be a host of a podcast.
Starting point is 01:01:24 I never thought I'd give a TEDx talk. Never thought I'd sign with a publishing house. All these things I never thought about. So just because you are in the situation you're in right now, doesn't mean you'll always be in it. It means we need to start opening up doors and figuring out where it is that you wanna go so that you can start connecting those dots to get there.
Starting point is 01:01:44 It doesn't happen overnight. It happens with getting clarity and taking action now to move you there for your future. And I stayed way too long in a job and a company that was not serving me. And yes, I was very good at it. But just because you're good at something doesn't mean you should stay there, right? Like get real with you. Are you happy? What do you like to do?
Starting point is 01:02:09 And just because you're good at X doesn't mean that should be your career. You can take your uni talents and go wherever you want with them. And don't forget that. I wish I had known that when I was in my early 20s. So keep up with me, keep creating your confidence and I will see you back here next week. I decided to change that time here.
Starting point is 01:02:31 And the light fell out. I couldn't be more excited for what you're getting here. Start learning and growing. And inevitably something will happen. You know what? 16 is alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You can miss it.
Starting point is 01:02:46 I'm on this journey with me. I hope you're enjoying this episode so far. I'm Jennifer Cohen, host the top ranking business and entrepreneur podcast, Habitson Hustle, apart the YAP media network, the number one business and self improvement podcast network. So, most people live the life they get and not the life they want. And I'm here to change all that. My goal with each episode is to give you the habits and hustle tips you need to show up to your life better, bigger, and bolder.
Starting point is 01:03:19 Tune in now, and I'll not only help you answer the questions like, what do you want most in life and why don't you have it, but we'll also help you make it a reality. I also pick the brains of top thought leaders on how they've gone to the top and the advice they have to help you get there too. Head over to Habitson Hustle once you've done listening to this episode and get one step closer to boldness,
Starting point is 01:03:43 one episode at a time. this episode and get one step closer to boldness, one episode at a time.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.