Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Ashley Stahl on Making a You Turn: Finding a Career that Honors You Episode 88

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Are you on autopilot? Do you live for the weekends? Ashley Stahl, entrepreneur, career coach, author, and speaker, asks us to discover our true career path. She has developed a simple and effective road map to make a “You Turn”, or in other words, return to you. It starts with identifying your skills out of the 10 core skill sets. Then leveling up those skills to find the room on top to excel. Clarify your passions and your values. Dissect your “Inner Money Blueprint” to find financial freedom. And finally listen to who you truly are.  About the Guest: Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, speaker, and author on a mission to help you step into a career you're excited about and aligned with. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her email list of 500,000 and her podcast, You Turn, she's been able to support clients in 31 countries in discovering their best career path, upgrading their confidence and landing more job offers. She maintains a monthly career column in Forbes, and her work has been also featured in outlets such as the Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune and more. Ashley earned a Master's in international relations from King's College London, and another Master's in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica. She holds a Bachelor's from University of Redlands in government, history and French. Finding Ashley Stahl: Visit her website: https://ashleystahl.com/  Watch her TEDx talk Listen to You Turn podcast Pre-order You Turn at youturnbook.com  Instagram & Twitter: @AshleyStahl To inquire about my coaching program opportunity visit https://mentorship.heathermonahan.com/  Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com  *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating!   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We are finally in 2021. And I am so excited and so incredibly hopeful for this year. I hope that you are too. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of all of us for what we have come through. And for those of you that are thinking, oh, it's just another day, you know, so what? It's a new year, whatever. Let me tell you this. We didn't know what last year was going

to be like, right? And I do know that there are plenty of reasons for us to be optimistic. We've learned so much about the pandemic, about the virus. there's now vaccines, there's solutions, there's a bright light at the end of this tunnel, and no, it's not a train. So I feel really excited. And I think I mentioned this last week, I don't know if I did, I have people who are now reaching out to me for in-person meetings, in-person speaking events, and that is unbelievably exciting to this extrovert of a girl. So I can't even put to words how optimistic I am about 2021. I just I'm I truly believe I just believe it's going to be fantastic. So I want to talk to you about what it is that I do, you know, a lot of people have been reaching out about New Year's resolutions.

I believe in New Year's claims. I actually wrote a chapter in my new book, Leap Frogging Villains about this, which will be out in 2021. I can't wait. Oh, you know what? I'm gonna tell you exactly what I did. Okay, so let's take it back for a minute.

As you all know, three years ago I got fired. When I got fired from my chief revenue officer position, I was devastated. The first thing I did was I posted online about my shame that I had been fired. I was shining a light on my shame, which makes shame disappear, by the way. And suddenly, I rock that I got fired. You know, I put it to work for me. So I flipped the script on that. I asked for help. I said, if I've ever helped you in any way, I'd love to hear from you today. At that point, Froggy from the Elvis Durant Show tweeted at me, love to help you. Let me know what I can do. I tweeted back, get me on the show. That got me on the

Elvis Durant Show. Elvis told me I was writing a book. He transferred his confidence to me in that moment. I googled Haddie Raid a book. Voila. Here is confidence creator. Trump, Trump for number one on the business biography list on Amazon. Boom. And yes, I have the screenshot to prove that. Okay. So that led me to Google Haddie sell books. It's at speak. I had been speaking for 20 years in corporate America, but I didn't know you could get paid for it. Hello, epiphany moment. Just think of how much out there in the world we don't know. It's mind-boggling, which means, and this is actually kind of cool because my guest today is talking all about your career, your passion, your life, and the U-turn for your life.

You know, I didn't realize something that I loved to do that brought good to the world, that helped others, that solved problems for people. My speaking abilities and the topics I could speak on was something I could actually get paid for too. I didn't know there was that intersection. I just didn't know. So I just want you to open your mind to how much is out there that we might not know yet, that might yield a new career or a new opportunity for you. So anyhow, I started my speaking business, my speaking business blew up and took off.

I interviewed Sarah Blakely live on stage and fourth quarter of 2019. I dropped my TEDx in November 2019. I was on fire. It was everything was coming together and just momentum was building, right? We came into 2020 and everybody knows the rest. So, Pump the Breaks, all my speaking engagements got canceled. However, I still was named 2020 top female keynote speaker of the year.

I was number 25, super proud of that. And with all this going on, it was really hard for me. I'm definitely an extroverted person. I'd love to be with people. And my son and I have really spent the majority of this year in our two-bedroom apartment in Miami, which has been really tough. And for anyone out there in an apartment, oh my gosh, I have really spent the majority of this year in our two-bedroom apartment in Miami, which has been really tough. And for anyone out there in an apartment,

oh my gosh, I feel for you, it's the struggle, is it real? I am so buying a giant house after all of this. Okay, so with all that, that's kind of the backstory right there. Well, during all of this time, I will never forget. One of my best friends, Christina, was coming down to Florida on vacation with our family,

had asked me and my son to go stay with them. In the keys, this really nice area in the keys that I had never been to. And so it was the week before my TEDx talk, so we're talking October 2019. And I thought, oh geez, I should be practicing. I wonder if I should go. And I said, you know what, forget it. I'm just going. I want to see them. It's only a couple days.

It wasn't even a week. It was only a few days before my TEDx talk. Dillon and I drove down. We had the greatest time. And I became obsessed with this area that they were staying in. And my son and I went and got a magazine to look at the houses in the area. I mean, literally $20 million, $30 million, phenomenal homes.

Outragiously gorgeous. I loved it. But the point of the story is, being there, walking around and immersing myself in that community made me start seeing myself there. So I would go by myself and run. Been a huge run in my whole life. And my gosh, it's like one of my favorite things to do. So I would run around that community by myself and run, been a huge runner my whole life, and my gosh, it's like one of my favorite things to do.

So I would run around that community by myself and think to myself about my TEDx talk, which was coming up in a couple days. And I would start saying, I am going to buy one of these houses. And the way I'm going to do it is my TEDx talk is going to go viral. It's going to get 50 million views, and it's going to launch my speaking business to a level. I've never seen I'm gonna hit the tipping point, be making millions of dollars. This is happening. And so I really got into this mindset.

I don't even know if it was intentional or not, but this is what happens, right? So I get home from all of that. We came up with a new intro to my TEDx talk, which was thank goodness, because nobody liked my previous one. And I get home and I write on a piece of intro to my TEDx talk, which was thank goodness, because nobody liked my previous one. And I get home and I write on a piece of paper. My TEDx talk went viral, 50 million views. blah blah blah. Okay, well, fast forward to now.

Here we are 2021. It still hasn't gone viral yet, but it will, I know it will. So freaking good. If you haven't seen it yet, you gotta check it out. It's 10 minutes, I promise you you will love it so I

Really got into this mindset and envision and felt really powerful about it The reason why I'm telling you all of this is because I From the past couple of years I've been doing this every year around Stating my claims for the new year on the first of the new year in the past What I used to do back when I was in corporate America is I would do new year resolutions like, do more charity work, spend more time with my son, stuff like that.

My life was so different then. Oh my gosh, the person I spent the most time with this year was my son, so it's kind of funny to think back about those old days that were very, very different. Okay, so now, okay, first of all, I'm gonna share with you the one that I did last year. Okay, so last year, this is what I wrote.

I am so happy and grateful that the universe is rising up to meet me. I'm so grateful my speaking business has taken off and money flows freely and easily to me. I'm grateful for my one million podcast downloads. I'm grateful for my health and my son's health and happiness. I'm so happy and grateful we have our new amazing house

and are surrounded by love and positive energy and abundance. I'm creating my life by shining my light and helping millions while making millions. I am so grateful. And then I added in TEDx Talk 50 Million Views. Okay, so another interesting point. I met with John Asura from the movie The Secret last year.

He was a guest of my podcast, and I flew out to California, went to his house to interview him. He's such a great guy. And while we were together after we did the show, he and I were just talking, and I was explaining to him that I was really implementing the idea of the secret of my life, and he said, tell me how you're doing it,

and I was sharing with him. And he said, you're missing the mark. And this is super important. I really did heed his advice. He said, you're not being specific enough. He said, so you're saying you want a top podcast? He said, why not say one million downloads in 2019? So he was helping me to refine and get more specific.

And I know this in business and I want you to know this. Those that deal in specific seldom fail, those that deal in generalities seldom succeed. Right? So we need to get into the details. We need to get into the numbers. Is it one million downloads and buy when? What's the date? What's the deadline? I was just working with one of my coaching clients on this exact same thing. she was feeling overwhelmed with her work and we were talking about, okay, then you need to delegate and when you hand something to someone else, you say, I need this back by such and such date,

here's what the expectations are for your deliverables on this date, right? We've got to be very specific and give people deadlines. Okay, so that was then fast forward to now. All right, these were my notes that I wrote down. And this is so crazy. A lot of this came also from last week. My interview with Gretchen, if you did not hear that episode,

please go back and listen to it. It's so flipping good. And the funny thing is Gretchen was number 17 on LinkedIn top voices of the year. She's on Oprah. She writes for Oprah magazine. She has sold millions of, she's where I want to be, right? She's light years ahead of me, but I'm coming for her. I told her I was.

And when we were talking before we started the show last week, I was telling her, I had to cancel on her a week prior because there's been drilling in my building. Also another reason not to live in a building. Hello, it's driving me crazy. But anyways, so a neighbor was working on their apartment and there was construction going on. And I couldn't record a show in the background, right? So I'm telling her, I said, Gretchen, I'm super grateful

that you were so accommodating to reschedule. Because I mean, this lady's massive. She didn't need to reschedule with me. And she said, oh my gosh, how there's no problem in what was going on. And I'm telling her about my apartment. And she starts laughing. And she says, guess what? I live in an apartment in New York. And she said, and guess what's been going on here? Same for ricking thing. And then she says, Oh, and P.S. Do you want to know what really

makes people unhappy is not knowing when the drilling is going to start? People are happier if the drilling is consistent versus having intermittent, which I understand, because you know what to expect. You know what's coming. So she and I connected over that we both hate being in an apartment in a pandemic and we hate drilling, although something tells me her apartment's probably a little different than mine.

But anyhow, so we hit it off and then we had this great interview and she taught me so much and I know she's going to teach you a lot too. So if you did not listen to her episode, please go back and do it. It's so full of been good. So here I am. I'm ready to do my plan for 2021. I took some notes this morning. I put believe 2021 your greatest year ever.

New book is number one on the Wall Street Journal 2021 list. You are a top US keynote speaker. Remember I was top 25. I want to be top five this year. You have a top 10 ranked business podcasts right now. We're ranked top 100. Pitch myself. Oh, I need to start pitching myself this.

These are like my list of things to do. Viral posts on LinkedIn will be happening. As usual, you will be a top voice of LinkedIn in 2021. You are going to create a new product, you will just go bigger. And on the other side of this, I put sleep, meditate, yoga, you know, taking care of my health is critical.

Gretchen taught me this outer order in her comm. So you want to get rid of anything toxic or negative from your body and from your home. And I've really started doing that. I got rid of the Christmas tree. I got everything Christmas out of my house. Like I went to work in the last week and really got rid of purged a lot, gave a lot of stuff away and I'm going to keep doing that. I like that idea. Outer, order, inner, calm. Okay, and get organized and be optimistic. Okay, so those were my notes.

This is what I actually wrote out so far for next year. I am so happy and grateful that the universe is rising up to meet me. I'm so grateful. My speaking business has hit the tipping point, and I'm book solid every single month and named the top US keynote speaker. Boom! I'm so grateful.

My new book is a number one Wall Street Journal bestseller. I'm grateful. We've sold millions of copies and helped so many people. I'm grateful my podcast is a top 10 business podcast in the US with millions of downloads in 2021. Haha, John Asraf, I was listening to you. I'm so grateful my TED Talk went viral and now has 50 million views. Let's go.

I'm so grateful for my health and my son's health and happiness. I'm so grateful that money flows freely and easily to me. I'm so grateful for our new house and being surrounded by love, positive energy and abundance. I'm grateful for my new product that I created and for helping millions of people. I'm grateful, Dylan is back in school with friends and playing sports. Oh my God, I'm going to be so grateful for that. I am so grateful for this magic. Thank you.

And then I put, believe so grateful for that. I am so grateful for this magic, thank you. And then I put believe optimism 2021. Okay, so if you haven't stated your claims, go ahead, grab a pen, grab a piece of paper, write them down, and be grateful for what you have. Be grateful we're beginning a new year, and let's get optimistic, because there are some wonderful things coming. And now I am going to take a break,

and we're gonna be right back with my guest and her U-turn. Different guests each week. Welcome on the chair. Helped with Cray. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet Ashley Stahl. She's a counter-terrorism professional.

I can't even believe this. This is so crazy. She's a Forbes blogger and a new author on a mission to help job seekers step into a career that lights them up as a creative writer, modern day, entrepreneur and content creator. More than 516,000 job seekers have subscribed to Ashley's free trainings while on her online courses,

they've helped thousands. Ashley, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to talk to you about all things clarity. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. I wish I had met you so long ago. But the funny thing is, you're so flipping young. You're only 33 years old.

And as we were just talking, you've already done two TED talks. This is your first full book that you're bringing to market. But you have a huge social media audience. You've built up this huge business. You're an entrepreneur at such a young age, and you've had this whole past track record, corporate military track record as well. You've achieved so much in such a short amount of time. It's really impressive. I'm so appreciating you for saying that because I think, you know, it's hard to read the label when you're inside the jar, you know, and so for me, I kind of look at my experience and I, I know I've created a lot of things and really put a lot of energy out there and been met by the world thankfully and receiving what I'm putting out there. But it still sometimes feels like I've like run out of time or something and it's funny because I always tell people there's really no such thing as that.

I don't even believe that. It's just my mind playing little tricks on me sometimes. And I think that happens with everybody. Yeah, it doesn't. And it's also interesting when you're the teacher, you're the one coaching people on this, but you identify because you struggle with those same things.

I think that helps a lot. Yeah, I think there's a level of parallel processing that a lot of coaches do with their clients. And I think that's why it's so important to remember as a coach, one of the biggest lessons I learned is that all the value is in the client. You're just a facilitator. You're just paying attention, listening,

and asking powerful questions. And I think being able to do that serves as a reminder that it's not on me to prove to somebody, or anybody that their life matters, that they can do something. It's really just on me to help them notice what's already there within them. And that's the work I do for myself.

It was my own career coach. And so how did you go from counter terrorism to becoming a career coach? That sounds like a massive pinnacle. You know, it's interesting because in my most recent TED Talk, we were talking about TED Talks. One of the things I talk about is intuition. And it's interesting because before this TED Talk, we were talking about TED Talks. One of the things I talk about is intuition. And it's interesting because before this TED Talk, I was, I'd probably gone about five years

in my career out of a lot of masculine energy, a lot of pushing, pushing through, overriding my feelings. And the second TED Talk, I talk about how the gut, you know, has 200 million neurons, if not more, which is the size of a catardog's brain. So our instinct, our gut feelings are quite intelligent. And I think that's why when you're stomach sinks or you feel like butterflies, it's all, you know, somatic feedback. And so for me, there was something in my years in grad school where I was studying counterterrorism

and I was thinking to myself, like I don't know if this is for me because I would leave lecture halls after four hours than other students would still be talking about the lecture. And I would be over it, ready to move on to something else. And I, I think like many people, had an interest. We have many interests. And I think I gave it an undue promotion into being a career path.

I think a lot of people misunderstand their interests. And that's something that I talk about a lot in my book, You Turn, which is really figuring out what are your interests and which ones are meant to be a career. And when it kind of goes back to your gut and your intuition, there was something in my gut in grad school that told me to keep pursuing national security. Like I had an interest in it.

I wanted to pursue it, but some part of me also knew that it wasn't going to be my final destination. And so I just kind of trusted that. And as I continued to follow what felt right, even if I knew it wasn't going to be my final destination. And so I just kind of trusted that. And as I continued to follow what felt right, even if I knew it wasn't the end for me, I think there was a lot of purpose either right in front of me or on the periphery of that. And I think that's a huge message for anybody

listening is to remember that when you follow what feels right intuitively, when you start to notice what's making you feel a sense of expansion versus a sense of contraction, even if where you're expanding isn't the end thing. It's something necessary, potentially, on your way to really getting more synced into your purpose. And so on the sidelines of my career into counterterrorism, I learned how to job hunt. You know, I graduated during the recession. I couldn't get a job to

save my life. And I ended up being so desperate that in my admin job. It was the first job I got. I just figured I had to take what I could get. I contacted my university and said, do you have a list of alumni who have moved to DC? In the government department send me a list, I cold called over 2,000 people, cold emailed all of these people in DC. Good for you. And so on the sidelines of my career in de counterterrorism, I learned how to get a job. That skill became something I was super passionate about. I got multiple job offers, tripled my salary, got an opportunity working for the Pentagon,

helped tons of friends end up getting job offers from all I learned through those 2000 cold emails and cold calls. And that was kind of on the periphery of my choice to work in national security and eventually that turned into my online business, my career coaching practice, my courses, my podcast and now my book you term. National security experts are warning.

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Take advantage of the special financing offer at NetSuite.com slash monahan. NetSuite.com slash monahan to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm. Nextweat.com slash monahan. I was in a corporate job for over 20 years and I would have people ask me for things or tell me, oh, you're a great speaker or you should look at doing these.

And I would say, oh, yeah, but that's not my job. Why for you was it that you were able to detach from this quote unquote, nine to five corporate job? If there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that there's room on top. You know, there's room on top everywhere. There's a lot of people in the middle. There's a lot of people at the bottom people

who are dabbling and never totally commit to a path. And then there's a lot of people in the middle who are like kind of committed. They've gone kind of far with something, but they're not willing to do that extra piece. It's kind of the difference, I think, between being an A- and A-plus student. And by the way, I was always a B-plus A-minus student because I didn't want to study.

So I was kind of in that top middle where like I always did really well, but I was never stepping into my version of extraordinary. And it wasn't until the recent years where I really noticed that the people who are at the top of the top, there's not a lot of them and there's so much room for other people to get there. So I really saw myself and looked at who I was. What was my core skill set that I could really wrap my career path around. And I realized I'm really good at words. I have ten different core skill sets that I teach in my book,

You Turn, and it's one of the core tenets of my step-by-step roadmap to get clarity on your career. And my core skillset being words, I said to myself, how can I turn the volume up on that skill set? What is the highest level of expression of this gift that I have? What would it look like if I fully went in without your failure? And I created a lot of miracles I think and I call them miracles because it almost sounds like it wasn't on me but I do believe that there is an

element of grace in every single career path no matter how much you work hard. So you bring up failure and fear of failure what kinds of failures have you faced going through this journey transitioning from corporate out onto your own? I feel like most of the time when you're trying to succeed at something I hate to say even trying when you're trying to succeed at something, I hate to say even trying, when you're committed to succeeding at something. Failure is just on the same block. Like, you need to knock on so many doors of failure to get to your success, and I think the people who are succeeding when I take a look at them, the only thought I have is like, wow, they must have a really good conversation

going on in their head about failure. Because clearly, it's not derailing them, they're not telling themselves that it means something about their path. And so that level of mental fitness is something that I have tended to cultivate only when I feel like a white hot desire for like a goal that is so deep inside of me. Like I was telling you before we started recording the book that I wrote is the only thing I've fully created out of my soul. But I've created a lot of things that I felt really lit up and excited about. And that's the thing about excitement versus like passion or soul work. Excitement runs out, you know, like your mission doesn't.

And so I was able to create things out of excitement and eventually they would run out, but I was really proud of those things. It took a lot of willpower and a lot of visualization, manifestation, really closing my eyes and feeling the results as if they were here. And that vision got me so excited. I was so excited to see what was possible and allow myself to toy with that. That after I kind of opened my eyes, I was like, I have to have this.

And promoting your desires to necessities, like raising your standards, it's like, it just changes the way you show up and the actions you take. That's so good. I can definitely relate to that. It's essentially going all in for a long time. I would hesitate in regards to, am I really doing this as a side hustle? Do I even want to admit? I'm trying to do this versus the day you decide, I'm going all in, I can see it happening in my mind.

I know where I'm going, I'm writing the goal down, I'm making this thing happen. It's a completely different transition. And I think there's other forces at play like in addition to what you're sharing, it's like here's the thing about clarity. If you don't have it, it's expensive because it turns your career into sometimes a graveyard of trial and error.

And trial and error is not a bad thing. The best careers are built on trial and error. And one of the biggest mistakes people make is that they hold their career too seriously, too heavily, and they're not nimble enough to change. It reminds me of having gone into the office that picks our, there's a big sign on the wall that said fail faster. And it's so true. The people who are nimble in their career,

they're willing to make decisions, try something on, show up, see what feedback the universe gives them, get out of limbo, make a commitment, and then course correct along the way. The people who are willing to stay in motion and not see the potential for failure as like this reason to stop or slow down so much. And it's not to say it goes so fast,

but it is to say that some people are so afraid of failure, they stay paralyzed. Do you know, and I think that perfection paralysis is just a mask for fear of failure. Absolutely. Yeah, it's like, what can we do to stay in motion? So in my case, I had an online course, I scaled it. for fear of failure. Absolutely. Yeah, it's like, what can we do to stay in motion? So in my case, I had an online course.

I scaled it. It created an email list in just two months of a half million millennial women. We did millions of dollars of revenue in that two month period after a year of me failing, by the way, I was negative 100K in when this thing turned. So I went from completely broke into credible wealth in two months. And then there's so many different things

that happened in the sales of my job hunting course. I had a Facebook ad specialist who wanted to push the envelope. I trusted him. I ended up going a half million dollars into debt after that, spending three and a half years continuing to build my business and paying that off. And, you know, if there's anything I've learned, it's that everything you do is serving you in some way.

And I don't like it when people say that because I'm like, really, my half million dollars of debt that's been such a buzzkill. But you know what? The amount of speaking engagements I've booked, almost amounts to the amount of debt I took on, because they want me to talk about the failure. So it's just really trusting your life and I think when you can move through that lens of deep trust and it doesn't mean you resign. Trust does not mean surrender does not mean resignation, you know,

but really trusting it and I think taking that tactical action. So for example, I'm not just following your passion. I'm not a big believer in that. But really taking a look at what are my skills, what are my gifts. And a good question for people to ask the people around them is when have you seen me at my best? When have you seen me at my best? Because you'll be surprised what your parents will say about that, what a couple close friends, what a couple colleagues. It always helps to text people that or email them that so you can read their responses. And maybe you can say, hey, you know, this crazy career coach, Ashley Stoll in this podcast wanted me to ask you this.

Whatever it is that makes you ask them, but you will be surprised what people will respond to you saying. And from there, you can ask yourself, what skill set are you using when you're at your best? What are you doing that would, I don't know, like relay to a skill set that you're using in your life because according to research, the people around us tend to know us better than we know ourselves. That's the case with divorce. People know if their friends are going to get divorced before their friends know.

And it's a lot of the times the case with our career. We think we're good at one thing, but other people might notice something else. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that what you're great at sometimes is too obvious for you to even notice. Well, and it's like you said, you're trapped in the bottle. So you're you don't really see it the same way that everyone else outside says, wow, she's so much better at this than everyone else. You think, oh, everyone's probably pretty good at this. Or this is something that comes natural to people. Oftentimes, we devalue typically whatever it is that we're good at and just assume other people are good at.

To that point that you had reaching out and asking for emails from 10 different people in your life, I use that as a confidence building exercise because not only is it showing what skills you're great at, but also it gives you that boost of seeing yourself through the lens of someone else. And you're absolutely right, keeping that in a file or an album so you can go back and reference it, you know, things change over time, things evolve

over time. It is important to look at those things and keep those that feedback handy. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, if I'm being really candid, it's like, we've got to trust ourselves and we've got to trust our intuition ultimately. But I think, you know, it's like whenever my business feels like it's plateauing, the thing I think about the most is how do I go have more conversations?

Because that's where I get more information, more inspiration, and I get back more to myself. So even if you lead with your own intuition, I think collecting other information, just making sure you're coming from a good place when you do that. Some people are shopping for opinions because they don't want their own. They're scared of trusting themselves. Other people are collecting information to filter it through their own intuition. So I think knowing where you sit as your taking feedback is huge in your career. Oh my gosh, it's so huge. And who you're taking the feedback from is so important

because so many people want to protect us and keep us safe and don't want us taking chances. And they think they're being helpful offering feedback that's really paralyzing us or limiting us. Yeah, absolutely. So what are some of the other ways that you get people to go from, okay, I might not be in the job I love, but you know, I see that I have this skill set now, where do I go from here? Well, let me walk through if you're down for it, the 10 skill sets, I have in my book, because I think in the U-turn book, there's an 11-step road map to get clarity. My favorite thing is your course skill set. Obviously, I go into it so much more in depth, but I think this is a starter for the note

takers on the show would help them. So out of the 10, I want to just remind people it's an energy that you go in. It's not just a skill you use. These skill sets are energies. So the first one is innovation. And the innovator can be the entrepreneur. It can be the entrepreneur. It's the creative person who is brainstorming, who is managing their own book of business.

They are somebody that's whose creativity or self-starter initiative is moving a business or a company forward. And it's very much so in energy. They're a problem solver, they're visionary. The second course go set is building. So this is anything from that tactical side of things, like a mechanic or a construction worker, or it can be a little bit more concrete like a web developer who's building a website in a more concrete way. And then number three, I think this might be yours too, how there is words.

So my course skill set is words, and that means the speakers, the writers, the salespeople, and it's important to know as you're going through these course skill sets, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. And the reason I would say that is because there's different ways of expressing a course skill set. Like, if I'm an extrovert, I'm probably going to be a speaker. If I'm an introvert and I'm words is my course skill set, it would be so damaging and exhausting for me to be speaking on stage all the time. And I do believe in all of the research around ambivots, but I do think most people default to one or the other when it comes to how they get their energy. Do you absolutely need time alone to get your energy or do you really feel like people are a battery charger for you? Wait, I've never heard of the word ambivots before. That just made me laugh.

Yeah, there's so much research about it. A lot of men and consulsancies are really big on that, which I think is so funny and entertaining. But ultimately, I think everybody skews in one direction. The next core skill set is motion. So the motion core skill set has to do with anybody who's interested in fitness, anybody who's like a tour guide,

people who are on their feet and they thrive when they're out and about all day. That's the person who is just not meant for a desk and they actually being able to be out and on your feet all day, that's a skill. And a lot of people don't necessarily have that. It could be a hairstylist. And then maybe their secondary course skill set is words.

For example, if you're a hairstylist, I find a lot of them love words, and they love connecting with their clients. There's another course skill set I'll talk about for them too. The fifth one is service. I love this course skill set. I think the world runs from the supporters, the humanitarians, the helpers.

The only question I would ask for them and you can ask this for any skill set is, is there a decision to be in service and of support wounded? Or is it inspired? Because some people are people pleasers and helpers just because that's what they were taught to be and not because it's actually who they are. So as you're kind of looking at all these course skillsets really ask yourself, am I this way because of some trauma that I have? Maybe you have some trauma and you have some wounding from your upbringing that made you this way

and you're inspired to be that way. It can be both. So it's just important to kind of have that awareness. To that point, it's funny you say that the first thing I popped into my mind is when I was young, my father would say to me, why do you always bring these people around that have problems?

You know, you're always trying to help these people of problems, let them help themselves, Heather. And it took a lifetime for me and therapy and all my work that I've done myself to figure out I was lacking confidence back then. So I was choosing to be around people to quote unquote help them because it made me feel better about myself instead of being intimidated by being around people

who are far ahead of me, which also kept me back, held me back in my career in some regards because I wanted to be around those people that I could help. It took for me building confidence and then separating work and charity work, which I still wanted to do, charity work, I still wanted to give back,

but having a little bit of clarity and keeping that out of my day to day people who I was bringing around me. Absolutely. And I feel like you're so intuitive. And I'm sure that's why so many people listening because like people are hungry for that. Like, and being around somebody who's in that and in that capability, it's a powerful feeling. Like you can feel somebody who's connected to themselves in that way and people want to drink from that well as well. So it makes sense to me

that that's kind of where you land with it. And going into other core skill sets like coordination, that's another one. Number six, I love the coordinators and I'm not one of them. So the operations person, project me you're not either, the project name. I see you nodding your head. No. Yeah, it's that's not my jam and you know, I think people who have that detail orientation, it's so powerful it's such a super power and number seven is analysis. We can we stop with that for one second actually because this is a problem I've had in my business as an entrepreneur in corporate America they filled in for my weaknesses. I had

assistance I had teams that would handle project management teams for this teams for that. So I never had to think about my weakness as As an entrepreneur, I have to own my weakness every day and it's hard, right? So I'm trying to figure out hacks on how can I be more organized? How can I bring things together to take steps out of my day? Because I know I'm not great at that and that's been a real hurdle for me becoming an entrepreneur.

Yeah, I get that. I think that ultimately owning what you're not is so important. I think people make themselves wrong for the things that they're not. And, you know, speaking even with the subtitle of my book, get unstuck, discover your direction, design your dream career. It's really steps. You, I think one of the things that get people stuck the most is getting stuck on a path or a skill set that isn't for them. It's like there's too many of us that are not celebrating the fact that we're not going to something. Like, oh, and that you're not going to something. Be okay with you not being

good at something. Delegate it out. Entrepreneurs are supposed to wrap their business around what they're brilliant at and delegate the rest. Of course, there's that weird growing phase where you're kind of doing it all. But if you're really doing it right and investing in yourself, you shouldn't be hanging out in that space for too long anyway. Fair point. So researcher, academic, economist, you know, anybody with analysis, a therapist could be an analysis person, they could be a words person, we all lead with different things and it's why people are attracted to us, not one is better than the other. And number eight is our number crunchers, you know, the investment bankers, the bookkeepers. And number nine is our tech gurus, you know, the, everybody from the genius bar at Apple to the artificial intelligence creators right now. And then number 10, kind of going back to the hairstylist, for example,

is beauty. So these are the makeup artists, the interior designers, people who make art of the world around them. And I think a lot of people who hear these 10 core skill sets, they wonder, what if I have two or three? Most people will resonate with a few of them, but you really lead and have a brilliance with one of them. And when you ask people that question of when have you seen me at my best, you'll tend to find that people will point you to different memories of you being you.

And once you kind of look at these core skill sets, you'll realize there's usually one that really is showing up where you're brilliant. And people don't like to accept it sometimes, I think, because that skill set feels so obvious for them, that it's almost hard to believe that this is a natural gift. It feels like, how is this even a gift? It's so obvious. You should know what that means already. That's the best kind of notification. That's the sound of another sale on Shopify, and the moment another business dream becomes a reality. Shopify is a commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide.

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and DQ signature sprinkles. Oh, hey, it sounds like you got some pretty sweet friends and that's worth queuing the confetti cookie dough. The flavor party isn't gonna last forever, so hurry in and get your cake batter fixed today. Only a DQ. Happy taste good. So true, you don't wanna see it

because maybe people told you were supposed to do this or you had studied already for four years to do this. Why would you throw that away now? That was definitely the way that I used to think. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I don't know, like I'm just so big on that authenticity and really getting honest with yourself about where you shine, because from each of these 10 core skill sets comes a whole flow chart of different job titles. And from there, I think it's really important to know how you want to work, because there's the what? There's two dynamics at play in a good career path.

There's the what of what you do, your job title. And then there's the how of how you're doing it. That's more of your core values. Your job title points to, or your business, whatever you're doing in your business, it points to how you're doing it, that's more of your core values. Your job title points to, or your business, whatever you're doing in your business, it points to how you're spending your day, what responsibilities you're carrying out, how you're using your energy in time.

The how of your job kind of refers to the context, the backdrop, are you working in a culture that requires you to work crazy hours, do you have a nice boss? 50% of people leave their job because they don't like their boss. And what that tells me is that how your job looks matters just as much as what your job is.

So once you've kind of done that course skill set work, another part in my U-turn roadmap is really taking a look at your core values. And what are your top five non-negotiable principles by which you live your life? That's a really beautiful exercise. And I'm looking at your actual roadmap right now. I love how you laid this out.

It just makes it so clear to look at, okay, on a progress standpoint, okay, I can get to there. And then here's where I go, it's really nice that you made it so simplistic for everyone to get a visual on. I feel like as much as I don't like to put people in a box, I always tell them, hold the boxes lightly like as much as I don't like to put people in a box, I always tell them, hold the boxes lightly. Use them, but don't, don't worship them.

You know, so I find that there's a power as a career expert in creating boxes like this to get people to start their conversation in their own head about which one am I. And maybe they're on the periphery of one of them. Maybe there are different version of that skill set and it doesn't look the traditional way. But I think knowing yourself is the key to clarity. People say I need clarity. As if it's something out there they need to go buy like a latte at Starbucks. It's like no, you just need to connect to yourself. Because when you do, it gets really easy to know what jobs make sense for you. When you're connected to yourself, it's easier to know what you're interested in, what your skills are. You start to notice who you really are and where you really

get energy in the world. But it seems so elusive when you're looking for it and you haven't found it yet. That's when it's a real struggle. Yeah, absolutely. And I think people have to start to realize having coached over 400 women one-on-one and some men as well and thousands in my online courses and whoever many read my book. It's like the one thing I continue to learn is that there's seasons in a career. You know, just like a pro sports player, they have on season and they have off season. And I think the personal demand that we put on ourselves to be in a constant state of clarity and constantly delivering is not human. It's not realistic.

It doesn't allow for creativity. We're either in one of three energies. And I got this from Emily Fletcher over at Ziva Meditation. She talks about creating maintenance and destruction. So in any given moment, we're creating something out of inspiration. That's a season.

And then there's other seasons where whatever we created is working and we're maintaining something. And I guess the good and bad news about that is you're around the corner from destruction. And it doesn't always mean that the thing you created is going to come down into shambles. It could just mean the person that you were that created that is no longer interested in that thing. You know, it's like I loved one pair of jeans three years ago and they don't fit me anymore. And it's the same thing with your career.

So creativity, maintenance and destruction. I have not heard that before. You talk about the money blueprint. Can you share a little bit about that? So one of the things I try to do in this book, because I think there's a lot of tactical books that are sharing kind of like your step by step, but they're kind of tough to read, even if they have good information.

So I try to do a blend of like, eat, pray, love, and like a healing narrative of my life while teaching the reader about themselves through me in their career with tactical advice. So the healing of the money blueprint I was inspired to look at, because I think a lot of people aren't pursuing the career that they actually want,

because they have some story about what they can or can't have with money. And our careers are so rooted in our hardwiring for survival. And I think that keeps us from really pursuing what we want. And like I said, there's room on top for everything. So healing the money blueprint as a chapter was about when I turned 10 years old, my dad lost all of his money, and I went on to repeat that as an adult, so that's my own money blueprint right there in action. He lost millions of dollars. I grew up with a lot of privilege.

He lost it all, nearly a claim bankruptcy, and my first birthday after that, I went from getting very extravagant birthday gifts from him, totally spoiled kid, to getting luggage for my birthday. And I remember as a kid, I didn't even know what money was at the time, oddly, because we just had it. It's kind of like fish are in water. They don't even know what water is, because they're just in it, you know?

And it was the first time that I threw a tantrum over a material thing, because we always had so many things there was nothing to tantrum about. And looking back, it's like I still feel some residue of shame that I was so hard on my dad who was going through such a tough time. He had a really successful business. He was forced to make the choice to close his doors. He stayed afloat, didn't claim bankruptcy,

and got me luggage for my birthday. I threw my tantrum. Where is my nice present? And I remember, he was so shook by me as a kid. I remember my reaction, my tantrum was so much for him to take on my birthday. I was asking where my real present was that he had this little anxiety attack, panic attack. And I remember seeing him have this attack. And I remember kind of getting out of myself

and saying, are you okay? And under his breath, he said, this is gonna kill me. And as a little kid, the story I told myself was like, money and the pursuit of it is gonna kill you. And so the natural thought is, so what's the point of it? You know, what's the point of earning it? And so I was really impacted by that moment and I grew up with duplicity because on one

side, I wanted to earn a lot of money because my dad lost all of his and I wanted to fix the problem and save everybody, including myself. And then on the other side of it was, I don't want it to kill me and it killed him a little bit. And so that was my money blueprint was wanting a lot of it, but believing that having a lot of it is going to kill me. So there was this constant competing intentionality behind my earning, behind my career. And that was my money blueprint. And here's the thing, we all come into the world with a certain thermostat that our parents set for us.

And it's not their fault that we have it. It's our responsibility to change it for the better or for the worse. You know, some parents give us a great thermostat. They have, give us great beliefs. I had a business coach years ago and her little her son walked into the room while she was coaching me and She said honey I'm with a client. He said oh so many clients. There's always so many clients to be had

His money blueprint is like abundance like there's options everywhere and when you believe that what are you gonna do? You're gonna take action. There's options everywhere. When you believe that, what are you going to do? You're going to take action like there's options everywhere. My Blueprint was it's going to kill me. So I'm going to take very confused action on the belief that it's going to hurt me. So this chapter was really about giving people a step-by-step process on how to unlock their money blueprint. And for anybody listening, a couple of questions to ask yourself, it's just what was the conversation like in your house around success or was there no conversation about it? Because that itself is a money blueprint, not talking about it. And just kind of starting to take a look of what did you believe about success around your

parents? What did you tell yourself was possible for you? What did you tell yourself about money? These are all things to start asking yourself so that you can start to get a feel of what is your thermostat and do you need to reset it or rewire it? I love that you incorporated this in the book because it's not something that I would normally just think of when I was talking to somebody about what they were looking for

for their career, but it's a really relevant part of that big picture conversation and hold back. And even like you said, it was a hold back for you. Yeah, definitely. And I feel like ultimately, if you're not doing that work on your money mindset, you just can't keep earning with the grace that you're gonna wanna have. I mean, if you look at me, I had a course

that did really, really well. And I remember when it did really well, thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I'm making so much money, I need to get people to to make sure this is okay. I hired a bunch of lawyers. They told me to turn it off so that they could assess all of my materials. By the time a month later, they had assessed all my materials

and gave me the green light, the algorithm on Facebook changed, and I was no longer as profitable. So it was like my own fears around money got me to hire people out of fear, and it sabot like my own fears around money got me to hire people out of fear and It's sabotaged my success. So it is really important to Really work on it and that came from my dad losing his money me thinking oh my gosh I remember what it was like to make a lot of money loss was around the corner

I better make sure that doesn't happen and through that fear I created that reality That's how self fulfilling prophefilling prophecies work. That's unbelievable to hear you play that out. And also, when you're telling that story about your dad, it reminded me of the story that you shared when your father thought you were kidnapped. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was my most recent TED Talks. You must have seen that one. Yeah, I mean, honestly,

in my TED Talk, I talk about how my dad was, well, anybody can watch it, but how he got a call from kidnappers who pretended to basically have me hostage and it wasn't true, but he didn't know. And I think that's the way fear works. I mean, our brains are wired to go into fight or flight and we're not thinking clearly when that happens. And so if you can get ahead of it and start to assess where your mindset set is well before that, you can spare yourself a lot of money lost and a lot of heartache.

It was such a good talk, by the way. I really, really liked it. You did a great job with it. Yeah, thank you. Honestly, I feel like as a public speaker, I'm a little bit different. A lot of my friends say that they go on stage and they channel, but I work so hard on my talks.

I practice so many times, it's almost like the exact words I practice come out of my mouth because I've tried to put as much intention into what I'm saying as possible. It's funny how when you practice a lot, it pays off. Imagine that, people, hard work pays. What's another important takeaway that you want to share with the audience about you turn? I would say the most important thing to know is who you are always wins. And what I mean by that is your natural skill set inside of you

is always going to be a reflection of who you are and what value you can bring to the world. And if you're working outside of that core skill set or outside of your core values, who you are is eventually going to demand that it gets seen, demand that it gets practice in the world. So if you're in a job right now or you're in a business right now that you've started that is depleting you,

whether you read my book and access my roadmap or not, I would hope that you start to get radically honest with yourself about who you truly are. And that is the concept of making a U-turn is really coming back to yourself and getting really honest about who are you so that you can get out there and go be that person. Because if you don't do that with your life life will demand you to do it at some point or another who you are always wins. So either you can rip the bandaid now and cry over your losses and start fresh or make that pivot you need to make maybe you're not starting fresh you're never really starting fresh or you can rip that bandaid off next year and cry next year. It's really a matter of when you want to listen to who you truly are. The problem is in this resonate so clearly with me because you just described my life

literally when I had thrown my back out, I was, you know, dimming my light and hopes that it would allow somebody else to leave me alone so I could just stay and keep getting my paycheck, even though I wasn't feeling fulfilled. You know. I was trying to force myself to stay somewhere that wasn't the real me until I broke and then ultimately got fired and then started over on my own. Yes, it was scary. Yes, it was hard. Everything you're saying. However, when you just said, either do it now or do it a year. Now, here's what my advice I would share with people on that. The one thing when I look back now on my career, I wish I had left years before because I could have been so much more now on my career, I wish I had left years before because I could have been so much more successful

on my own, you know, you never look back when you finally realize, okay, I'm finally stepping into who I really am, my purpose, my passion, what I'm meant to be doing. You never look back and say, oh, I wish I hung onto that paycheck for a little while longer. Heck, no, it's like how the Facebook algorithm beat you

because you took that dip. Who knows what other opportunity you're gonna miss if you wait one more year. Don't wait, go now. Yeah, exactly. Don't walk like run. And it's not about so fast that you are speeding past any ability to hear yourself think. It's about knowing what you know and honoring it right now. Like, you already know what you know. And for some reason, we know what we know. And we spend all day trying not to know it. And that is such a waste of time. And I don't necessarily believe there's actually a waste of time,

but I do think it's less fulfilling to go that route. And when you honor who you are, you're creating confidence in yourself, the act of acknowledging that and acting on it makes you more confident, allows you to move forward in a stronger way. So move now, get you turned now. How can people get the book?

So right now I'm so excited. It's coming out January 26th, but in the meantime, I have a really fun pre-order bonus. So when you go to utermbook.com, it's y-o-u-t-u-r-n book.com. You get an opportunity to get access to the Uterm bundle. It's courses right now that friends are selling online that you can buy, totally free.

When you pre-order your book and upload your receipt, you're gonna get four courses. Speaking of money mindset, one is a full-on course, six modules on money mindset, another courses on life purpose, and side hustle, starting a business. You have an interview with me, modules in a master class

on making a U-turn and clarity and so much more. So I got to do is u-turnbook.com. And where can everybody find you, Ashley? I'm on Instagram at Ashley Stahl, and I would love to hear what you thought of this episode and what you learned from my conversation with you. I'm so grateful that everybody's listening. Well, I'm grateful that you're here,

and I'm so excited for everyone to get the book, run, don't walk to U-turn, and we're gonna be right back. Thank you, Ashley. I ask you to try to find your passion. I'm a misshuse. And welcome back. I hope you loved hearing from Ashley.

Okay, let's get to some Q&A's here that people sent me on social media. Hey Heather, you are recommended to me by a friend. I'm seeking a referral to assist me with PR and book promotion for myself help book. My book focuses on my journey as an independent woman who gets wrapped up in abuse. I detail the red flags I miss, how to handle certain situations. My goal is to show women that you can escape those types of relationships and still achieve

success. I have a small following on Instagram. Thank you for your time. Okay, so here's the thing. There's plenty of PR companies you can hire, if you're just looking for PR, I would just say that do your due diligence, PR is interesting because number one,

you can pitch yourself, it's very time consuming and you're not gonna have the contacts these other people will have, but I would say that, you know, there's some that over-promise and under-delivered, like anything, so just do your homework, I have worked with a few different PR companies, most of which I was not happy with. One, Joe McNano, who I love,

she's a great one to check out. But I will tell you, get ready to spend some cash. PR is not cheap. Okay, here's the next question. Hey Heather, hope you and your son are well. Have you ever had someone get on a call with you? And you talk about maybe having them on your show and then they just take over. No, I do not, but this happened to this woman. Okay, this guy sent me a meeting link for a time slot that we tentatively discussed. He's ignoring me on email and I'm really turned off by this.

Okay, should I tell him why he's not gonna be a guest or should I just give a cookie cutter a fly back? Here's the thing, no is a complete sentence, right? It's your show. You do, you, boo. You don't need to explain to anyone. So if you thought the guy was possibly a candidate to be a guest and then you decided he isn't any longer,

shoot him a note and say, you know what, this isn't the right fit. Thanks, best of luck to you. Moving on, keep it moving. We do not need to explain ourselves. When it's your show, it is your show. Now, it would be different if you worked for a company, it was their podcast and it was your boss calling you.

Okay, then you're probably gonna have to justify it right because you work for him, but you do not work for this guy. Ping, ping that person away. Bye bye. Okay, hey Heather, can I ask you a question question over the last several months, multiple people and companies have been contacting me trying to sell me virtual speaking programs where they promise I'll make a lot of money as a virtual speaker. Since you are much deeper into this speaking business, what do you think? Are they just selling me

or is there really something there? Here's what I said back to this gentleman and here's what I want to share with you. If people are guaranteeing you things, then have them guarantee it, right? So if someone's saying, I promise you this or I guarantee this, then great, go ahead and writing and guarantee it for me. What does that look like? Are you guaranteeing me five paid speaking engagements a month to the tune of $50,000, put that in writing. Give me the guarantee. And I'll even one up you one better. The hesitation apparently is, this guy doesn't want to make the investment or he's unsure if you should make the investment. I would flip the script on that.

I would go back to these vendors or companies and say, you sound really convinced that you can deliver on this. To that end, I don't want to give you a front end retainer or front end fee. I'll pay you a commission on all the bookings you land me. Then everybody's happy, right? You don't have to take the risk on investing in something that may or may not materialize. And these people that are so convinced they can deliver a few, they're going to be motivated to do it even faster because they're going to get paid commission. And I'll guarantee you that they don't want to take that deal because the reality is they really weren't going to guarantee the bookings.

That's, I've never seen that happen, right? They'd have to truly believe in that person as a speaker and in their contacts and ability to close deals really quickly. Okay, so I changed my coaching program, my coaching program during the pandemic initially launched as a combination of one-on-one coaching and group coaching. I've changed it for 2021 for a few different reasons, but one I learned about the business and I met with the CEO of a really large coaching company and we actually talked about me going to work for him because he's been doing this for 15 years. So he taught me a lot about the business and enlightened me that I was merging two different opportunities.

One, a group opportunity, because you can charge less and reach more people and help more people in a group, a larger group setting. That's one piece of the business. The other piece of the business is one-on-one, which is much higher price ticket and much more individual and personalized. Okay, great.

So 2021, that's what I've done. I am doing individual one-on-one coaching, which I only can take. I can only take on two more as I allocated a certain amount of time per week to that. The group coaching will be every Friday at noon EST, and the group coaching is for anyone that wants to be held accountable

to deliver on their New Year claims and New Year vision that wants to be motivated that is in sales or well PS were all in sales right it doesn't matter if you're an author you're a podcast host you're in accounting executive we are all in sales so sales is power, that's my jam, and I can help you around social media, launching a personal brand, going to the next level and driving revenue for you. So if that's something you're interested in, my group program is launching this Friday. I'm super excited. And again, I did this last year with a smaller group this year's going to be a bigger group, but we're going to do live Q&A every Friday. You can email me your questions ahead of time.

I mean, this is going to be super productive. I guarantee you results because that's how I roll. And I got to tell you, New Year's Eve, I received so many flipping beautiful notes from the clients that I worked with last year. I did a bang-up job. I'm really, really proud of it. I had never done this coaching program or business. I didn't know that was an industry either. By the way, it's a multi-billion-dollar

industry. It had no idea yet again. So if you are interested, go to my website HeatherMonahand.com and you can sign up for my group program launching this Friday and I can't wait to see you there. So as always, if you are not subscribed, please subscribe to the show. I would love it if you could leave me a rating, a review and share on social media whenever you do. I repost, retweet, reshare, retains the story and show my gratitude to you. So thank you so much for being here,

and until next week, keep creating your confidence. You don't stop them look around once in a while. You can miss it. I'm on this journey with me.