Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - AWAKEN To Your True Self and Rewrite Your Story with Ian Morgan Cron Bestselling Author and Enneagram Teacher Episode 185

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Understanding your personality  Initiating rapid personal growth  Unpacking the narratives that don’t serve you Resources: Website: www.IanMorganCron....com Read The Story of You Listen to The Typology Podcast Instagram & LinkedIn & Twitter: @ianmorgancron Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  What are the stories you have unconsciously settled into? What cycles are you repeating? We all get caught up when we don’t take the time to stop and examine ourselves. Self awareness is the key to becoming unstuck and striving for a happier, more compassionate, and loving life. Ian Morgan Cron, bestselling author, psychotherapist, and Enneagram teacher is here with us today to reveal the secrets of your personality and how to awaken to a new narrative. You can not embrace your true self when you are living a false story. It’s time to WAKE UP and start growing!  About The Guest: Ian Morgan Cron is a bestselling author, psychotherapist, Enneagram teacher, Episcopal priest, and the host of the wildly popular podcast, "Typology," which has over 17 million downloads. His books include the Enneagram primer “The Road Back to You” and “The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self”. Known for his transparency, humor, and depth of insight into the inner workings of the human heart and mind, Ian uses the Enneagram personality typing system as a tool to help people cultivate self-awareness and find happiness.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:00 The key predictor of success in leadership is self-awareness. By extension, I would say that a key predictor of success in life is self-awareness. Having self-knowledge, the capacity to step back and observe yourself and make adjustments in the moment, you move through the world with so much more emotional wisdom and with the capacity to love. You understand that not everyone sees the world the way that you do. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. After no sleep, I'm ready for my close time. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited for this episode today because we are going to be learning.
Starting point is 00:01:45 I certainly am. Our guest today is Ian Morgan Cron. He is renowned authority on the popular personality typing system known as the Enigram. His bestselling book, The Road Back To You, has sold over one million copies and is the go-to book for learning about the Enigram. He's also the host of the typology podcast
Starting point is 00:02:05 where he interviews guests about how they have integrated the Enigram into their daily living. Today we're going to talk about his newest book, the Story of You, an Enigram journey to becoming your true self. Ian, thank you so much for being here with us today. Heather, thank you so much. Well, as I mentioned to you, before I got the chance
Starting point is 00:02:26 to know about you and read your new book, I really didn't have any idea about the Enigrame. I'd seen it in media, but I never really had been digging into it. So I'm assuming some of the people listening right now are going to be in that same boat. Can you share a little bit about what the Enigrame is? Sure. So the EnigRIM is? Sure.
Starting point is 00:02:45 So the NGRIM is this ancient personality typing system that teaches that there are nine basic personality styles in the world, one of which we gravitate toward and adopt in childhood as a way to cope, to protect ourselves, and to navigate the new world of relationships. Each of those types has an unconscious motivation that powerfully drives how that type predictably and habitually acts things and feels from moment to moment on a daily basis. Wow, that is, I mean, that's a lot. You're throwing a lot at me. It does make sense when you take it back
Starting point is 00:03:25 to the basis being childhood as a psych major, I feel like everything begins with, you know, what challenges or coping mechanisms we were grabbing as a child. So tell me a little bit about these nine different types. Well, as you can imagine, I could write 200 pages on each of the types, but why don't I just give you a one or two sentence description of the unconscious motivation of each type?
Starting point is 00:03:51 What is it that's driving the way that type typically acts things and feels? Okay? So, once we call them the Improvers, we used to call them the Perfectionists, which might give you a little bit of insight into this type. Right? One's are reliable, dependable, conscientious, detailed oriented. They're often morally heroic people, and they are motivated by a need to be good. Right? Virtue is very important. Being appropriate is very important to the one. And they're also driven by a need
Starting point is 00:04:26 to perfect themselves, others, and the world. Okay? So, twos are called the helpers, warm, supportive, generous, kind, self-sacrificing. These are folks who are unconsciously motivated by a profound desire to be liked. Now, all of us want to be liked, right? But twos really want to be liked and appreciated. And so how do they do it? They're driven by a need to meet the needs of others in order to win their appreciation, okay? And if they're not very healthy in their personality, not very self-aware, then they often will, you know, kind of give in a strategic or calculated kind of a way. Okay. Three is recalled the performers, ambitious, go getters, productivity-minded, goal-oriented. These are people who are motivated by
Starting point is 00:05:20 a need to succeed, to appear successful, and to avoid failure at all costs. Fours are called the romantics, sometimes the individualists, incredibly imaginative, creative. See the world from a different angle, disproportionately represented in the creative arts. Okay, so you think about Kurt Cobain, you think about Janice Joplin, you think about, you know,
Starting point is 00:05:45 and I could go through the corporations I work with that fall into each of these patterns, you know. But these are folks who believe that there is something fundamentally missing in their essential makeup, and they feel that the only way that they can achieve wholeness and belonging in the world is by presenting an image of specialness and uniqueness. Okay. is by presenting an image of specialness and uniqueness. Fives are called the investigators. These are folks who are the most certainly
Starting point is 00:06:11 analytical number on the anyogram. They are also oftentimes the most emotionally distant or unavailable number on the anyogram. These are people who are knowledge junkies. You know what I mean? They just cannot help, but like a Hoover, they're just sucking up information all the time, new knowledge, right?
Starting point is 00:06:32 They really struggle, in many ways in the area of relationships because they feel like the world is just too demanding and depleting, right? And so they collect all this information and knowledge in order to fend off feelings of inadequacy and to protect themselves in a way from the demands of the world. Sixes, the loyalists, wonderful people, witty, practical, earthy. These are folks who have a really unconscious
Starting point is 00:06:57 motivation to feel safe, secure, and supported in a world that feels chaotic and unpredictable to them. Sevens, the joy bombs of the enneagram. They're called the enthusiasts, fun, spontaneous, great storytellers, all about escapades, always thinking about a world filled with unlimited possibilities, right? They're very future-oriented. Their unconscious motivation is really a need to avoid painful feelings, circumstances, or situations. And so all of that energy of fun, and let's get out, it's like all of it is kind of a defense against pain, right? It's called the Challengers, larger than life presences, more energy than any other number on the
Starting point is 00:07:45 anyogram. When they're not very self-aware, they're notoriously blunt, can be combative, they love a good debate, you know, they just love the juice. My mom is an eight, I'll just tell you a very quick story about eights. My mom is an eight, I have a child who's an eight, but my mom is 93 years old and she's in an assisted living facility now. And I called her when COVID broke out and I said, mom, have you been attacked by COVID yet? And she said, it wouldn't dare.
Starting point is 00:08:16 I love that. That is. Yes, it's a classic eight response, right? These are people who have a need to assert strength and control over others in the environment in order to mask vulnerability and weakness. And then nines are called the peacemakers lay back. They're all about Hakuna Matata. They are just, I mean, they're supportive. They're kind. Go with the flow. Don't rock the boat, you know, types of people. If aates leave awake, like an aircraft carrier, which they do, nines kind of leave a little wake like a canoe, you know what I mean? It's just very, very easy going. But they're really motivated by a need to maintain connections to really preserve inner
Starting point is 00:08:59 peace at all costs and keep peace in the environment. And the way they do that is by avoiding conflict at all costs and keep peace in the environment. And the way they do that is by avoiding conflict at all costs. So thank you for explaining that first of all. And as you were explaining each personality, people were popping into my mind. I know exactly who they are, you know, whether they've taken the test or not. So are you just born the type or does it have to do with the parents that raise you or the circumstances you grew up in, what actually defines the type that you've become? You know, I get this question a lot. And you were a psych major.
Starting point is 00:09:31 I was a, now I'm a trained psychotherapist. And you know, when it comes to personality development, I think it's a, it's a both-and, right? It's, we're born with a certain disposition, temperament, right? It's like in the bones and the blood, if you will. But then we're also affected by, obviously, family, by trauma, experiences, by culture, by, you know, just a whole host of forces come together
Starting point is 00:09:58 to create a personality. But also remember that the personality, and this is often hard for people to swallow, but it is true, is a collection of defense strategies, right, to protect ourselves and make our way in the world. So it's all the above and it's marvelously mysterious. And for everyone listening, Ian has this really comprehensive test that you can take that I actually did take myself. And this is I had through just seeing in media learning about this maybe a year ago, I had taken a real general short test,
Starting point is 00:10:28 which I actually funny thing is I got a seven on that test. But when I took your in-depth test, I got an eight. And when I was reading your in-depth test, which was it triggers emotion for me, it did anyways, when I was answering certain questions. And as I had mentioned to you before, it really made me reflective on my younger years, specifically in my 20s and early 30s, before I had gone down a personal development self-awareness
Starting point is 00:10:55 journey. And it was sometimes hard for me to answer certain questions because I could go one way or another depending on if I'm thinking of the young Heather or the Heather today. And I'm hopeful that, you know, that my self-awareness is correct and that I have been able to modify some of these behaviors. But if I was looking back at the younger, rather, it was crystal clear that the eight was dead on. So are people able to evolve out of the personality types or do they just evolve within them? That's a great question. They evolve within them. If we sort of buy into what the Enneagram teaches us, it would say that your personality type does not change over the course of your life. But within it, you can become, remember, the human
Starting point is 00:11:37 personality is adaptive. It's fluid, right? It's not stuck. So within your type, you can be very self-aware, have average self-awareness, have low self-awareness, right? Or we could say healthy to unhealthy, right? During the course of a day, by the way, you're moving all over the spectrum. That's what I love about the NEGRAEM, because it's dynamic, it's fluid,
Starting point is 00:11:59 it explains why we change and evolve, and why we are kind of moving around during the day, from self-aware to not very self-aware. You as an eight challenger, for example, when you're not doing great, when you're not operating in the zone of self-awareness, you know, you're a handful. For sure. You could perhaps bull people over, you become overly assertive. It might be a little too opinionated. You might suddenly, and I could go on and on and on. But when you're healthy and you're aware, you're like, okay, I can monitor and regulate
Starting point is 00:12:37 the way that I act, think, and feel in the moment so that I'm living in a way that is aligned with my values. That's aligned with the person who I want to be, the highest expression of who I could be. And the great thing about the Enneagram is, is that it really shows you, here's what you're like when you're in a place of real health, high self-awareness. Here's what you're like when you're not. Here's what you can do when you find yourself in the trough of unlacking self-awareness, how can you
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Starting point is 00:15:44 NetSuite.com slash monahan. To getat.com slash monahan to get the visibility and control you need to whether any storm. Nextweat.com slash monahan. So why is it so important to dive into your books and this understanding, your podcast to really understand our own type and other personality types? Great question. I remember years ago I read a study that was done by Cornell University. What they had done is they had gotten 72 high performing CEOs.
Starting point is 00:16:11 And what they wanted to figure out was, what accounted for their success? Like what characteristic trait or feature explained why they had done such a great job? Here's the one major line from the conclusion. The key predictor of success in leadership is self-awareness. That blew everybody's mind, right?
Starting point is 00:16:31 Because everyone thought it was going to be, oh, grit, determinations, strategic planning, you know, all these hard skills. You can do this, right? Yeah, all that stuff. And they said, nope, it's self-awareness. It just sort of upended everyone's expectations. Now, by extension, I would say that I believe
Starting point is 00:16:45 that a key predictor of success in life is self-awareness, right, in your marriage, in your friendships, in your relationship with yourself, in the development of your spirituality, whatever it may be, having self-knowledge, self-awareness, the capacity to step back and observe yourself and make adjustments in the moment so that you can better be a person who loves others, who can have compassion, who can have empathy.
Starting point is 00:17:14 And once you know not only your type, but the other eight types, your partners type, your children, your friends, I'm just telling you, you move through the world with so much more emotional wisdom and with the capacity to love because you understand that not everyone sees the world the way that you do. And just because they don't, it doesn't make them abnormal or, you know, it just means they bring a different inner terrain to the table. And just to appreciate that, gosh, I can't say how many people tell me all the time at workshops, the anyogram saved my marriage, the anyogram saved my job, you know, the anyogram just developing self-knowledge and self-awareness is tremendously important. And no
Starting point is 00:17:58 tool I know is better than the anyogram for accomplishing it. All right, so then as a true eight, I have to show up and challenge you. This is the first thing that popped into my mind when you were explaining this. I know people who are really successful that are completely not self-aware and you know them too. How does that happen? I would doubt that they're successful across the full span of their lives, right? Right. I'm just looking at business usually.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Okay. Well, let me just say this about research on business and self-awareness. You can get somebody in a job that lacks self-awareness and they might succeed, might succeed powerfully for a set time. If you bring in a hard charger into a company that needs a turnaround in there, like a big bull, you can see the graphs. They can have a really good first year, two years, and then it starts to really go off.
Starting point is 00:18:47 A person who has self-awareness, the trajectory tends to be not as much of a sharp spike, but it's just a gradual climb. And I'm just telling you, if you want to invest in a company, you want to find somebody who's got a CEO, who's a slow, gradual climber, right? And not only that, but a lot of times,
Starting point is 00:19:07 these people are successful, but at what cost? Sometimes they've thrown people in the meat grinder. Sometimes they've ignored their family. Sometimes they've ruined their own health. I mean, the list can go on and on, right? So you can lack self-awareness, but that doesn't mean and be successful in some subset, like business or making money or whatever.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Doesn't make you happy. Doesn't make you smart, relationally. Doesn't make you a great parent. Do you see where I'm going? Yeah, it really is so encompassing. And for a long time, I just would look at that one fact and just, you know, some people just looked at the business piece for success or just the family life. But when you do have that self-aware awareness, it can touch every part of your entire life and elevate everything. Why did you write the new book after the massive success you had with your first one? I don't know. I might have stopped there.
Starting point is 00:19:57 I need to understand why you wrote this second one. Well, you know, I'll tell you a personal story. Many years ago, I had a drug and alcohol problem. This is going back decades, okay? Before I was a therapist, before I did all the things that I do now, I was a young man. And I had a sponsor in my 12-step recovery program,
Starting point is 00:20:16 and he was so smart, he was a therapist, he was an episcopal priest, he was just about 70 years old. In one night, I told the story of my life at a meeting, it's very common. And I got to the end of it. And on our ride home together, he turned to me and he goes, you know, Ian, have you ever wondered
Starting point is 00:20:34 if you're living in the wrong story? And I remember thinking to myself, what on earth does that even mean? You know what I mean? I was like, 28 years old. I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. But it did stick to me. There was something about the question that was so intriguing. Well, it stayed with me for years, thought about it a lot as a therapist. Then when I discovered
Starting point is 00:20:55 the enneagram, it came into full bloom. It was it was almost like I realized as I listened to clients over the years, so many of them were coming in and they were saying things like, I just feel stuck. I feel like I'm reading off a script that someone handed me that's not my own. I feel like this isn't the story of my life, I'm supposed to be living. It just, and I'm stuck in Groundhog Day. It just keeps repeating itself the same mistakes,
Starting point is 00:21:21 the same trauma, the same marriage, it's the same old, same old. You know what I'm talking about? Yes, no, you preach into the choir, yes. So when I, when I've learned that, when I hear that, I realize they're just stuck in a bad narrative. Just remember this, that like in the story of you,
Starting point is 00:21:36 I really explain this. Like in childhood, all of us craft a narrative to help us understand what's happening to us. And we use that narrative as a way to explain to others who we are and how we think the world works. You know what I mean? And it really helps you as a little person. The problem is it's based on usually mistaken beliefs, hurtful experiences, internalized
Starting point is 00:22:03 messages we've picked up, really perceived from the culture, from our family, from our coaches, from our peers, from negative stuff that happening. All these things form the story, helps you make sense of the world. But when you drag that story into adulthood and continue to live inside of that broken story,
Starting point is 00:22:23 your life becomes a mess. And what I love about the Enneagram is, is I don't think it just describes nine personality types. I think it describes the nine most common stories that people find themselves trapped in adulthood, right? So think about it. Like the eight, I just described that, right, to you.
Starting point is 00:22:43 But you think about the perfectionist ones, right? People you know in your own life who are trapped in this story that says, I won't find love unless I'm perfect and unless I perfect others unless I don't make mistakes unless I'm really good. Or the two, the helper stuck in a story that says, I have to almost disavow my own personal needs and focus all my energy on meeting the needs of others and man oh man, you met that kind of codependent person in your life who's just always love bombing people. And you know, it's so sad because I could go through all nine types and all of them are really in direct opposition to what I believe is a healthy story in which we can really live our lives. And the book, The Story of You, I talk about, well, how do we break out of
Starting point is 00:23:32 those old stories? How do we get a new story? How do we rewrite the story and just begin to really live in the most exciting, life-giving, generative, narrative, the one that we were always authentically created to live in. So, but the interesting thing is this is really your own story that goes back to that priest gentleman that was advising you back in your 20s, him opening your eyes to that you had the story, and then once you found out about the personality types, you are unlocking this for yourself. Yes, that's just the wonderful thing
Starting point is 00:24:06 about the endgame, because now I not only can use it as a personality typing system, but it's like, I'm just telling you, when I talk about, I just let a weekend for addicts, I sure wasn't leading, I was a group therapist on the weekend. And the moment I introduced the idea that maybe they were living in broken old stories,
Starting point is 00:24:25 you just saw the lights go on. People lean in when you say that and they go, I didn't have the words to say that, but that's right. I have been trapped in an old broken childhood story and it's time for me to rewrite an adult story that's genuinely true to who I am as a human being. So great, it's so thrilling. If you're struggling with swelling in your legs, ankles are feet, you're going to want to listen up. Forget your compression socks and water pills. New research shows that swelling and inflammation can be resolved by upping your intake of omega-3 fatty acids from krill oil. Omega-3s improves circulation while lowering inflammation on the body, all while reducing swelling and pain. And there's no better time to try krill oil
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Starting point is 00:27:01 You also have the choice of gas or hybrid, and options on stylish trends as well. For those who like choices, Corolla is music to your ears like jazz fusion. If that's your thing. To find your perfect Corolla, visit your local Toyota dealer or Toyota.com today. Toyota, let's go places. See packages and options at Toyota.com for future availability. Well, you can tell you're so passionate about your work. I love that. He and Storytelling is so popular today in marketing and sales. And I do believe
Starting point is 00:27:30 that everyone listening right now knows the power of story telling. We've talked a lot about that on my show. I definitely am aware of it and work on my storytelling ability. But what's different about the story of you is the road map that you provide for rewriting the story, which is really powerful. You referred
Starting point is 00:27:45 it as SOAR. Can you talk to us a little bit about that? SOAR means beginning with the letter S, C. The first thing I think people have to do is begin to go back and look at how did I get here? Like, where did this story come from? What were the bumps and the bruises and the successes and the failures along the way that created this story. You know, for example, I often ask people, it does put them on the spot a little bit, but I'll ask them, think about your first 15 years of life. If you had to write a memoir based on those 15 years, what would you title it? Trainwreck.
Starting point is 00:28:18 Okay. All right, so, all right, trainwreck. Okay, I've gotten some great answers on this, by the way. So okay, trainwreck. All right, so all right, train wreck. Okay, I've gotten some great answers on this, by the way. So, okay, train wreck. All right, now, as you think about who you are today, what would you like the name of your story to be? Your memoir, your life story? Beautiful growth.
Starting point is 00:28:37 Great, now that's the beginning part of the journey. You're gonna have to go back and exhume how did train wreck come to be? And how has it, does it even serve me anymore as an adult? Right? No, the answer is clearly no, right? Then you want to move on to own. By the way, you can tell this journey is not always a happy journey, right?
Starting point is 00:28:56 Like you're going to have to do the work. And the work means I got to see the story, then I got to own it. I got to own what did this cost me and others. And that can be hard to do. I felt that at work when I just took own it. I got to own what did this cost me and others? And that can be hard to do. I felt that at work when I just took the evaluation. It was some of the questions were emotionally charged to me that was odd because I'm sure they wouldn't have been to you or somebody else.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Or they might have, or different questions might have been that way for me, right? So I think that we all have to do an inventory of our lives. And I think we have to go, okay, well, how has been my living in the eight-challenger story? What does it cost my relationships or my life at work? Or what mistakes along the way? Because you have to really start to say,
Starting point is 00:29:36 this is a great way, by the way, to motivate you to say, okay, I definitely got to get out of that old story, right? Then the third step really is awakened. And I just believe that all great psychology and spirituality comes down to one thing, wake up. It's all about wake up. That's what it's about. And I talk from CEOs to stay at home dads. I say the same thing. Doesn't matter who you are, life is all about waking up. And so awakened has to do with, well, how does this story continue to, you know, function today?
Starting point is 00:30:06 What are the old beliefs and the old strategies that continue to launch, that don't work, that don't serve me? They're from another story, another era in my life. Then last one is rewrite, right? That's the source, see, own, awaken, rewrite. The rewrite portion is, I begin oftentimes with clients with this question, who were you before the world got its hands on you?
Starting point is 00:30:30 Who were you before the world told you who you were supposed to be, right? And that's the kind of thing we wanna do in rewrite is begin to unearth, well, who is that person? Who is it you wanna be that the person that aligns with your deepest, deepest held values in life? And I give obviously through all those four steps, really detailed instructions. And this book is floated with stories. So it's not just theory, right? There's tons and tons of stories in it. Honestly, you can see how excited I am,
Starting point is 00:31:01 because I have seen, my life is all about helping people change. It has been that way all my life. That's what gives me more joy than anything else. Seeing people make positive changes in their lives. And very few things in my life, very few tools that I've seen in my life have been more effective in bringing about rapid change. When you tell people you have freedom and agency and power and I think even an obligation to rewrite the story of your life for you as an adult and get out of the old one
Starting point is 00:31:34 that you know you dragged out with you and childhood. It's time to grow up. You bring up a great point that I think is a deterrent for many people when they think about self-awareness and personal development. And I personally experienced this. I was in therapy for years. From the time I was 18 years old until I was 35. I mean, truly years and years and different types of therapy, mostly cognitive, but the change happened. It was a positive impact in my life. I'm not negative on therapy. I'm totally pro therapy. But it took a long time. I'll never forget being in a place.
Starting point is 00:32:09 I was very successful at work. I was in a relationship. And I had this epiphany one day. The relationship I have with my boss at work is exactly the same as a relationship I have with my fiance and my personal life. I was not getting answers, questions that I was asking, I was being rushed off. I one day I just woke up and I saw it. I'm being treated the same as that
Starting point is 00:32:29 way. How am I showing up? What am I doing to create these type of relationships in my life? Now, to get to that level of awareness, to be able to come to that realization of my own, to years and years of therapy, what I really like about the story of you is this roadmap and this game plan that you can have that can give you that rapid transformation. You don't have to work for 10 years at something to one day wake up and have that realization. You can rewrite it now. And that to me is one of the most powerful things about this book. Hmm, thank you so much. I've experienced this in my own life. I don't write books about something that I haven't done, you know, because I think they smell. You know what I mean? Like a smart reader
Starting point is 00:33:10 will know that you're selling snake oil and they'll know that this guy hasn't, you know, he's just got some interesting quirky, like, quippy formula and he's pumping it out for the dollar. No, I've done this work. This work has saved my life. You know, it has saved my marriage. This whole idea, probably four times a day, I'll say, oh dear, I think I'm back in that old story again right now. And it's just not consistent with who I am and the person I want to be. And so I'm going to do what I do all the time, which is reclaim the story from my life that I want to live in. Can you share an example of someone that's done this work, the sore work on their own and how it impacted their life?
Starting point is 00:33:50 Oh, countless people. Well, let me give you an example. Gosh, I interviewed my podcast, typology, a very successful musician, multi-grummy-winning, you know, just a very successful guy. And he came in to see me and we were talking and he's a classic four, right? He's an artist.
Starting point is 00:34:11 He, this is the individualist, as you recall, very sensitive, kind of melancholy, a little self-absorbed, moody, you know what I mean? Like, but a wonderful human being. And I said to him, I said, so tell me, tell me what's the name of the story of your early life? And he said, second hand boy.
Starting point is 00:34:29 And I was like, really, tell me about that. And he said, well, I grew up very poor. I said, I grew up in a double wide. And actually a fairly wealthy farming community. I had to buy all my clothes at the consignment shop while all my friends wore air Jordans, all my life, I felt like an outsider looking at this is classic four stuff. Okay. And I said, second hand boy, I said, are you still
Starting point is 00:34:51 stuck in that story of 40? He goes, yeah. And I said, does it serve you? And he said, no, it tortures me. I said, dude, if you find yourself living in the wrong story, leave. If you find yourself living in the wrong story, leave. You got to leave. And so we unpacked it, right? And over time, this guy has really changed as he's done soar work. You know, he's gone back and together with Soto's scene, like, how did we get here? How did this story launch? Then owning, like, what does it cost him? Well, there's a long list of things that it's cost him. And then a waken rewrite. And I think for him, I guess if I was going to put words in his mouth, I can't say this, but I think he was, say that the new story is called the redeemed man, meaning the man who's, you know,
Starting point is 00:35:38 all the experience growing up has been used for really great things. It's been redeemed. He's a person of redemption. It's made him write great music, and he's, but he's living in health and self-awareness. And with such a different appreciation for his quirky, wonderful person, you know? So that's just a, a quick one that could be
Starting point is 00:35:59 for all of these types. I mean, it's just exciting when someone reads these nine types and says, oh my gosh, that person is perfectly describing my story. And they don't feel alone. And they realize, oh, there's hope. I don't have to be stuck in some narrative that just doesn't belong to me. Oh, I love that.
Starting point is 00:36:15 All right, so tell me, because we've talked about addicts, we've talked about great creative talents, and we talked about CEOs. Who is this book for? Every adult. Anybody who wants to grow up, how's that? I mean, that is to me. I mean, don't you want to grow up? I mean, I'm 60 years old.
Starting point is 00:36:35 I still want to grow up. I'm still growing up, right? I want to grow up to becoming the highest expression of the person I was created to be. I want to live in that story. And here's the thing, it's not just because I want to be happy, but trust me, I do. But it's also because I want to be a person who loves people better. I want to move through the world with more kindness and compassion and awareness, mindfulness versus mindlessness, and just be a presence in the world for good.
Starting point is 00:37:06 And I think you can't do that. You can't be a true self when you're living in a false story. Gosh, you just described what happiness looks like to me. I love this quote that you have on the book. Here, you will learn how the self-defeating stories we invent in childhood later wreak havoc in our lives. The Enneagram helps us craft and live a better true story
Starting point is 00:37:27 than the one we've unconsciously settled for. Ian, where can everybody find you? Where can they get this book? Because I know they're dying to get it. You can get the story of you on Amazon. Obviously, the story of you in any gram journey to becoming your true self. You can certainly go to my website, ENIN MorganMORGAN.com, and you can learn about my
Starting point is 00:37:50 IECU9 NEA Gram assessment. Some of my video courses, one which is called Discovering You, which is really all about learning about the NEA Gram and all the different types and the system of the NEA Gram. You can obviously go to all my socials at E and Morgan Cron across all those platforms. There's a whole lot of stuff that we're doing that I couldn't be more excited about. I think I just really think the story of you is gonna really upend and radically change some people's lives.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Well, Ian, thank you so much for the beautiful work you're doing. Thank you for writing this story of you and thank you for being here and sharing with us today. Cheers, Heather. Great to be with you. All right, guys. Until next week, keep creating your confidence.
Starting point is 00:38:30 You know I will be. I'm going to write a word over here. I decided to change that idea. And I'm going to write a word. I couldn't be more inside of the world when you're getting here and start learning and growing. And inevitably something will happen. No one sixties alone. You don't some people happen. No one succeeds alone.
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