Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Conquer Your Fears & OVERCOME Adversity! With Ben Newman Performance Coach For The Alabama Crimson Tide Football Team Episode 183

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Tapping into your strength in times of need   Fighting for your dreams  Discovering your purpose  Resources: Website: bennewman.net  Read Uncommon L...eadership  Enroll in Uncommon Coaching Program Listen to The Burn Podcast  Youtube & LinkedIn & Facebook: @Ben Newman Instagram: @continuedfight Twitter: @ContinuedFight Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  The truth is you are NOT alone in having to face challenges and adversity. This is something we all experience! Only YOU have the power to control your mindset and how you show up in life, so don’t let yourself get stuck in fear, doubt and uncertainty. Our guest today, Ben Newman, expert performance coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide football team, encourages you to keep sharing your truth and to give your BEST every single day. Ben is the expert when it comes to strengthening mental fortitude and facing challenges head on. Know that you can push towards your goals despite any obstruction in your path! About The Guest: You are really going to love our guest this week, Ben Newman! He's a highly regarded performance coach, international speaker, and best selling author, whose clients include fortune 500 companies around the globe. Ben serves as the mental conditioning code for the18th time national champion, The Alabama Crimson Tide Football team, and he’s one of the world’s top 50 best speakers of 2022!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:23 winning will happen in your life at very high levels. I'm on this journey with me each week when you join me you're going to chase down our goals. The first day is at you up for a better tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:01:40 I'm ready for my close time. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to be with me this week. You are really gonna love our guest. Ben Newman, he's a highly regarded performance coach, international speaker, best-selling author, whose clients include Fortune 500 companies around the world, business executive, sales organizations, professional athletes,
Starting point is 00:02:00 in the NFL, PGA, NBA, MLB, UFC, and NCAA. He's the number one Wall Street Journal and U.S. Today best-selling author of uncommon leadership. Ben serves as a mental condition coach for the 18-time national champion, Alabama Crimson Tide football team. And he's worked with super bowl players. He's worked with professional athletes all over and he is named one of the top 50 worlds best speakers for 2022, Ben. Thank you so much for being here today. Heather, thank you so much for having me. And you know, it's really awesome
Starting point is 00:02:37 because number one, we have so many mutual friends which makes it easy for us to have a great connection. So many mutual friends that have had impacts on our lives. And also it was awesome to be included with you on that top 50 speakers. So you could try
Starting point is 00:02:56 to give me those accolades, but I'm going to give them back because you have so much passion and energy when you hit the stage and it was an honor to be listed with you. Oh my gosh. And it was an honor if we both got to speak together at an event a week ago. And I for the first time, I don't know how we had
Starting point is 00:03:12 not been connected sooner. But I got the opportunity to hear your story and I was just hoping that you be willing to share with everybody a little bit about your burn because it is such a powerful story. Hi, I appreciate you wanting to go deep and emotional right away. You know, that's the kind of guy that I am. And I think for all of us, there's challenge, there's adversity.
Starting point is 00:03:30 And that's typically where we find our greatest strength. And for some of us, it happens when we're adults, right? You look at the adversity and challenge that you went through as an adult, but also things that you went through as a child, right? So there's a range of time in which it happens. Some people it's just when they're really young, but we all have these pivotal moments. And for me, I had to grow up very, very fast as a young boy. My parents were divorced at six months old. I never knew them together. A handful of years later, my mother, who's my greatest
Starting point is 00:04:01 inspiration, the greatest champion of life I've ever known. I mean, she is my fight, my why, my purpose, that really fuels me to want to be my best for the individuals we work with, for my children, for my wife. My mom was diagnosed with a rare muscle disease called amyloid dosage. Many people don't know what the disease is. Here in 2022, there's still no cure for the disease, and every single one of us in our muscles we have ammovoids. My mother met with a woman at the Boston Medical Center, named as Dr. Martha Skinner, told my mom she was only the second woman under 40 years old. They'd ever seen or heard of having the disease, and they gave my mother two to four years
Starting point is 00:04:40 to live. And I've learned from how my mother lived her life and from a very specific thing that she did that I'm going to share with all of you what it means to fight through life. And when we face challenge and adversity, that's when you have the opportunity to write your real story. And my mother took out an old journal, maybe Heather like you used to have in school, it's actually an old notebook, an old blue meat notebook, maybe yours was another color. And my mother wrote, beat the statistics, beat the odds, live with the disease that is chronic and fatal.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Believe in yourself, combat anything, purpose in life. And my mother taught me that your purpose overtakes your pain when you face challenge, that's when you can find your greatest strength. And my mother's strength brought her to the dinner table every single night to ask my brother and I how our days were at school when she actually walked from 24 hour nursing care in our house
Starting point is 00:05:33 and had limited days to live. And so Heather, I had to grow up fast. It's my challenge. It's my adversity. It's my fuel. It's my fire. And the reason why is because on November 2nd, 1986, my mother took the pen that she
Starting point is 00:05:45 was writing with in that journal. And she passed it on to my brother and I to continue to write her story. And it's something that I think about every single day. It's something that has a fire inside of me that causes me to battle adversity. And I know I'm not the only one that is face challenge in adversity. You have, and so is every single one of your listeners. And in a world that's constantly trying to tell us it's not our time or listen to your fears, doubts, and uncertainties, I encourage people to keep writing their story amidst the challenge in adversity they face. And how is it possible that you have become the person you've become given how hard things
Starting point is 00:06:27 work for you at such a young age, so many people, and we know so many stories of people that lose parents at a young age, and their life goes off the tracks, how did you stay on track? I felt at the time, and I still feel incredibly blessed to have so many individuals who were there to really pick me up off that matta life. I mean, Heather, we could tell story after story after story. I mean, I was an emotional wreck, you know, so whether it was counselors that I had to go to, whether it was, you know, teachers at school who even though I was a tear to deal with, for some reason, they loved on me and they supported me and they helped me get through it to coaches who recognized, yeah, this young guy might
Starting point is 00:07:12 have a short fuse, but you know, there's something special about this young kid and so they loved on me. So I've had these coaches and mentors and family members who were there to help me through it. And without those people who have been there and continued to be there to help support me through the tough times, I would not be the man that I am today. Oh, such a blessing. And I know that you and I both share a mentor in common. And I was hoping you could share how he helped you as a mentor, John Gordon, of course, who I've had on the show before you've all heard. If you haven't, go back and listen to that episode. He's truly the most positive and impactful guy out there, but then how he helped you make
Starting point is 00:07:52 some changes in your life that really allowed you to become who you are today. I would love to share it. I'm glad you asked the question because some people shy away from those types of questions, but I have no problem talking about him, writing about him. And before I answer the question directly, I want to mention that a lot of times, I think people spend time or hear from individuals that do the type of work that we do, Heather.
Starting point is 00:08:15 And they think that, oh, they figured it out. They're finished, they're content. It's not the truth. I still have two coaches. I read books every single day, spending time with Heather and hearing her energy, her story, her passion. That causes me to want to do more. So it's an iron sharpens, iron mentality
Starting point is 00:08:35 that I always look for. And as I mentioned earlier, I've been blessed that there's been a lot of people who have come into my life who have helped me establish clarity and see things that at some point in time, I didn't have clarity on. And one of those was my faith. And John Gordon and I met in February of 2008. We were both speaking at a conference down in San Antonio. We had a mutual friend.
Starting point is 00:08:58 And John and I spent 20 minutes together. Heather, 20 minutes, that's it. And the next week, I'm back in St. Louis. And I'll never forget, I'm pulling into a parking spot for a meeting. And my phone rings. And it was a random number. You know, most of the time, you don't answer the random numbers. Wait, wait for the voicemail and call back. But something hit me, answer the phone. So I answer the phone. It was John. Hey, it's John Gordon. He says, Ben, I know we only met for 20 minutes, but I want to talk to you about your faith. He's like, you and I have a lot in common 20 minutes, but I want to talk to you about your faith.
Starting point is 00:09:25 He's like, you and I have a lot in common. I was born Jewish, you were born Jewish, you struggle in your faith, you struggle in your belief in God. Heather, I'm thinking to myself, I spent 20 minutes with this guy, like who is he to call me and do, but something in my heart said, Ben, just listen.
Starting point is 00:09:43 And he ended up sharing this daily prayer, which is now in uncommon leadership. So uncommon leadership, I wanted to honor 11 leaders that have impacted my life. And John is one of those leaders. So there's a chapter that's dedicated to John, this prayer that I'm about to share with you is in the book. And he says to me on that phone call, he said, Ben,
Starting point is 00:10:04 I want you to just say this daily prayer and whatever you do with it. He goes, you can hang up this phone and say that I'm crazy. You can say this daily prayer every day and see what happens and call me as often as you want to and share the experiences. But I just want to share this daily prayer with you. It's on my heart.
Starting point is 00:10:19 And it's God, what is my use for your purpose and guide me towards that purpose? Jesus, if you are who you say you are, show me the signs. I'm open to receiving this if it is meant to be. Heather, it hit my heart. I started saying it every day. I've now set it every single day for almost 14 years. And John ended up leading me to Christ.
Starting point is 00:10:42 I accepted Christ in February of 2008, weeks after we met. And it's just provided amazing clarity for me in my life, in my journey, how I show up as a husband, how I show up as a father, and how I show up as a coach. But John has just said, it has had and continues to have a profound impact on my life. So obviously something very powerful happened
Starting point is 00:11:06 when you started reading this every single day in a short window of time through you to make that leap. What were some of the things that you started seeing show up for you? Oh, I love that you are going here because most people don't, right? They like, especially for us as speakers, right? A lot of times we don't get to share our faith.
Starting point is 00:11:22 We don't get to talk about things that might be in a contract like, you have to stay away from those things, but I love talking about them because it defines who I am. And so it's here some amazing things that I haven't really shared in many interviews. One of the first signs for me, Heather, and I don't know, you know, your spiritual journey, there's probably signs that you see every day or there's signs or things that have happened in life. So John has me say this daily prayer, my wife was pregnant. So Amy was pregnant with our first child Isaac. He was not born yet.
Starting point is 00:11:53 He was going to be doing March of that year, about a month later. So you know, clarity of faith was an important thing for those reasons too. And so we had belonged to the Missouri Athletic Club. We call it the Mac here in St. Louis. And Amy and I had moved to a brand new house that we're still in, and we were moving from downtown St. Louis, so we were gonna end our Mac membership
Starting point is 00:12:15 because it was downtown. And I go in to clear out my locker at the Mac, and I walk out and I had this big overcoat on. I don't know if you know, but there's actually cold weather in the world. Heather, you're down in Miami, and you get to enjoy your beautiful weather every day. We get cold weather in the Midwest.
Starting point is 00:12:33 Sorry, this big, I've got this big overcoat on. And I reach into the pocket of the overcoat and I pull out and it was a brochure on what happens when Jesus shows up in your life. Heather, to this day, I have no idea how this got in my overcoat. This overcoat was in my locker at the Mac. I have no idea to this day, almost 14 years later,
Starting point is 00:13:00 how that got into my overcoat, and I pulled it out and it stopped me in my tracks as I was walking to my car and I just looked and I stared. And that was the first big sign that I said, okay, this daily prayer is causing something to happen. And so there's story after story I could tell you, but that is probably one to this day. I can't figure it out. I don't know if John knew the code to my locker somehow and had said, said to that somebody put that in my jacket, I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:13:32 But things like that started to happen almost daily until I said, I surrender. I accept Christ, I know I've been through pain, I know I've been through struggle, but I've not been doing this alone. I definitely have had, you know, the influence of Christ and God in my life at a much stronger level than I anticipated. Wow. That is incredibly powerful. And I do agree with you. I do believe in signs. I believe that
Starting point is 00:13:59 if we're open to receiving them, like you're saying in the prayer, right, that you are open to this. And as you open up your mind, as you use those powerful words, you will begin to see something. And I so appreciate this reminder because it is something that I haven't been thinking about a lot lately. So I'm really grateful that you shared that story with us.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Yeah, try the daily prayer. What's the worst that can happen, right? There's nothing, there's no downside to it. So I will take that challenge. Can I mention one thing? You know, you talk about it in your book, overcome your villains. And I know you talk about it when you speak.
Starting point is 00:14:36 And I know you talk about it here on your podcast. And I think it is so important that people recognize the power that they have to control their mindset and how they show up and that prayer if you could start your day reading that prayer and it's just that reminder that there's a strong faith or there's influence and you have control over your mindset. That could be a powerful first step to get this year off to a great start. Oh, that's such a great idea. And I love that challenge. Guys, everyone listening right now, this is a great challenge. There's no downside. Do it for one month and just, and let us know the impact that that has on you,
Starting point is 00:15:13 because I guarantee there will be some major revelations or opportunities that you might realize. So thank you for sharing that, bud. Absolutely. And give the credits to John Gordon. Do not give the credit to John Gordon. Do not give the credit for me too often times. I say a quote
Starting point is 00:15:28 of somebody and I give them credit and then people try to give me the credit. Don't give me the credit. If you love that prayer, send it to John Gordon, tag John Gordon, tag Heather for asking these courageous questions. Don't give me the
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Starting point is 00:19:43 All right, so Ben, tell me you've achieved massive success in sports. The opportunities that you have come into or put yourself into working with the highest level athletes in the world. How did you get to that level? What does that look like? Well, believe it or not, and if I could turn my screen right over here is a shelf that's dedicated to the Ladoo high school basketball team. And this is typically not the answer that people would expect to get when they see the jerseys and the Super Bowl champions I've worked with.
Starting point is 00:20:17 And my opportunity that I've had to work is the mental conditioning coach for Alabama football for the last four years. that I've had to work is the mental conditioning coach for Alabama football for the last four years. It's people would never think that this all started with my high school basketball team. So my old high school coach, his name is Todd Basler, and his assistant was Edward Johnson. I have honored them as characters and books that I've written for years. In 2011, Coach Basler called me. The high school team was underperforming. I graduated 1997. for years. In 2011, Coach Bazzler called me. The high school team was underperforming.
Starting point is 00:20:46 I graduated 1997. That was the year that I played for Coach Bazzlers. I played for a long time ago. And he called me, to this day, he still calls me Benny Boy. And he said, Benny Boy, he said, these boys are underperforming. I need you to come fire them up. And I was a captain of the team when I was in high school. I played with a few D1 guys. They didn't need me to do much other than
Starting point is 00:21:08 yelling scream in the locker room and occasionally shoot a three-pointer. But I remember he calls me. Benny Boy come fire them up. They were playing the number 10 team in the city of St. Louis. And I remember I'd walk into that locker room. I'd deliver this speech, I had never done anything in sports, Heather. All of my work up into this point, from 2006, when I got hired to speak for the first time, for those five years, my coaching work, my speaking work books, there was no work in sports. And so in 2011, I'd walk into this locker,
Starting point is 00:21:40 I'd deliver this speech, they end up beating the number 10 team in the city. I was hooked. They kept bringing me back. The team ended up just having some great, great success from our work together. And the next thing you know, the doors had opened up in
Starting point is 00:21:58 sports. And in 2013, I work with the first ever NFL player, Will Compton, who's jersey is right over my left shoulder. I've been able to share the stage with Jerry Rice and do things with so many super bowl champions and Hall of Famers and the Alabama Crimson Tide and Kansas State, North Dakota State,
Starting point is 00:22:15 and Heather, it's just been a blessing. And it has been so much fun. And what I would love to share is two quick lessons from this. Number one, you never know what'll happen when you say yes. I think a lot of people, they say, oh, I wanna work with Super Bowl champions, I wanna work with that.
Starting point is 00:22:32 The number of people who have called me because they know like when you've been with Coach Sabin for four years, that's pretty rare. Most people are there year two and then they're gone. And so, oh, I wanna come and speak at Alabama, I've got this great, they've never done anything in sports. And they don't realize, like I said yes to my old high school basketball coach,
Starting point is 00:22:50 for no money in order to have the opportunity 10 years later to be doing the things that we're doing. So, you never know what happens when you say yes and stop worrying about the money. Money, winning, it's gonna be a byproduct of giving you all by saying yes and taking it one day at a time. And the second thing is it's the relationships.
Starting point is 00:23:12 You know, Heather, people see like those rings that are behind my head. And you know, it's a blessing to win championships. It's a blessing to have confetti come down on you when you're holding trophies. But that's not why I do it. I do it for the relationships. And every single one of these jerseys and balls,
Starting point is 00:23:28 they have a story Heather. And it's a story with a relationship behind it. And that's why I do what I do. And I found that when you give your best every single day, and you encourage others to do that on their journey. And you, I mean, I'm talking about giving it your best. And many people say they give it their best, but they don't truly do it.
Starting point is 00:23:47 But when you give it your best, winning will happen in your life at very high levels. Couple of things that I take away from everything that you just said, number one, the best of the best in athletics are investing in themselves. They're hiring people to come in and help them get to that next level.
Starting point is 00:24:03 So often, I'm sure people listening right now aren't investing in themselves. How important is that then? Well, I don't want this to turn into a commercial for our work and our entire coaching platform that we have because it's not just me anymore. You know, the brand has grown to such a high level. We now have 16 coaches that work with people all over the world. It's run by a dear friend of mine, Jeremy Paddy, down in Dallas, Texas, high level, we now have 16 coaches that work with people all over the world. It's run by a dear friend of mine, Jeremy Paddy, down in Dallas, Texas.
Starting point is 00:24:29 And, you know, I've found that coaching is critically important. And as I mentioned earlier, I still have two coaches. And the two coaches that I have, they tell me the real story. They tell me the real pain. They tell me what they see are my areas of opportunity to grow. And without them, I might stay stagnant in my behaviors. I might think that I've reached the pinnacle and I've got nothing left to achieve, but
Starting point is 00:24:56 it's the constant reminders from my two coaches and mentors like John Gordon that helped me understand we are never finished. And when you look at great champions in business as well as in sports, they're typically not doing it alone. And that's all I've ever known. I grew up playing sports. Never did I play a game where you ran out and you didn't have a coach. You always had coaches.
Starting point is 00:25:19 And so for me, it's just been an unbelievable blessing to be able to coach others now, to still be coached, but to encourage people to recognize the strength that comes from being coached and having that never finished mentality. Say you have a business idea, but you're not sure what to do next. Don't go into debt spending four plus years on a degree. Listen to the Millionaire University podcast. Learn how to run a successful business and graduate rich, not broke.
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Starting point is 00:27:19 in myself was back when I was 42 years old. I was still in corporate America. Taking that leap of faith and, oh my gosh, should I do this? It's a risk. I don't know if there's myself was back when I was 42 years old, I was still in corporate America, taking that leap of faith in, oh my gosh, should I do this? It's a risk. I don't know if there's going to be a return. I don't know what's going to happen from this. But just the act of doing it made me feel that I'm worthy, made me feel that I'm worth more, made me feel worthwhile. So not only is important to hire coaches to invest in yourself for the things that you're going to learn and
Starting point is 00:27:48 what you're going to access, but it's also, it's really powerful the way it makes you feel, don't you think? Oh, without question. And I think a lot of that, you know, you talk about creating confidence, that confidence often doesn't come from
Starting point is 00:28:01 when you win. Oftentimes, confidence comes from when you overcome when you are down and you realize the real strength that you have within you. And I've always had to have coaches and mentors in my life to help me see and feel and understand the strength that I did have in order to overcome the challenge and the pain that I was going through.
Starting point is 00:28:24 And so coaching has been critically important for me. And I would even share, because I think people become overwhelmed sometimes, whether it's there's a cost for coaching and can I afford it? Start with an accountability partner. If you right now are listening and you're like, okay, I'm in a place right now where financially,
Starting point is 00:28:42 I can't afford a coach, then find an accountability partner, find somebody where you can coach each other, hold each other accountable to simple disciplines on a daily basis, show up and do what you say you're going to do. And then once you start to grow and you start to have success, when you're ready, go hire that coach, invest in yourself, but there's
Starting point is 00:29:05 ways that you can do it before you start spending money to maybe reach that next level of success. That also builds off of something that you said earlier, which I really relate to, which was you explaining that when you first started this whole process with sports, you showed
Starting point is 00:29:22 up and spoke for free at your own high school, then you started getting paid small amounts, then five years later, six years or seven years. And now here we are today, not only are you top 50 speaker in the world, but now you've built out teams of speakers that worked on your platform. All of these things took time
Starting point is 00:29:41 and they didn't happen overnight. And I know myself and I'm sure some people listening right now, we want to see results immediately. We want to have that return. We want to be at the top. But these things take time. So many
Starting point is 00:29:58 people will tell us how great they want to be. Yet when we go and have a conversation with their action, that's when we see the real story, that's when we see their real hunger, that's when we see their real passion for how bad they want success. And I don't say that to discourage anybody, but this is a universe's human mentality. Here we are at the beginning of the year. Take a look in the mirror and you don't need a coach for this.
Starting point is 00:30:21 Take a look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Ask yourself, what are the things I need to do personally every day? Because my definition of consistency is a little bit different. My definition of consistency is every day I'm day. It's not doing a couple days and then go wait a week because you felt great from doing it. It's every day. So ask yourself, what do I need to do personally every day in order to drive my confidence? What do I need to do every single day professionally to be the best that I can be? And what's something that I can do to serve others every day?
Starting point is 00:30:54 And we actually call that a prize fighter day. That's it in the book on Common Leadership as well. And so I break down those decisions and choices that you can make, and that's how you build confidence. And you stack on top of each other day day after day after day. On being your best with
Starting point is 00:31:14 day at a time, the byproduct very high levels. So true right? It's not sexy being person and putting that time and effort in and making time for it because you have to prioritize and you're gonna have to let other things go. But it does pay off in time. And I'll tell you for me what I think about when you explain that
Starting point is 00:31:37 is I remember starting out in the radio business. I was in my early 20s. I started out as an account executive knocking on doors, cold calling businesses, not knowing anything about the business, but over two decades, putting in the time, you know, having the meetings, learning more, having more conversations, you know, getting mentored by people, I was able to make it to the highest level in that career. But it certainly did not come from sexy opportunities
Starting point is 00:32:07 and big stages. It started from starting at the bottom and just not giving up being disciplined and showing up every day. So thank you so much for that reminder. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for asking the question because I think it's so important
Starting point is 00:32:22 because people want the fast way. They wanna skip the work, but nothing great happens without the willingness to put in the work every day. So Ben, share with everybody your book, Uncommon Leadership, and your clients, the burn that you just recently had me on. Yeah, so it's so exciting to be able to kick off
Starting point is 00:32:40 our year season four with you as one of our first guests for that year. Just your energy, your passion, your story of overcoming adversity, which is really what the burn is all about. We all have a fire that lies inside of us. So whether it's the daily prayer that we talked about earlier, whether it's maybe you creating a prize fighter day like we just discussed, start it this way.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Start when you wake up by connecting to that burn that lies inside of you. A lot of coaches and speakers that do the work that we do, they talk about why in purpose, but they forget to talk about that burn, that fire that actually ignites why in purpose, that then causes you to show up and follow through with that great discipline every day.
Starting point is 00:33:22 So our show is the burn. We get to hear amazing stories like yours of how important it is for people to connect to their burn to reach their highest levels of performance. And then in the book, as I mentioned earlier, it's not an autobiography. It's not my story. I wanted to honor 11 people and their amazing stories
Starting point is 00:33:44 that have impacted me and how I show up and how their influence continues to impact my pursuit of what it means to be your best one day at a time. Well, I can personally say for everyone listening, check out the burn, check out the book, now is the time where you can make a difference. The biggest fail, the biggest fail we'll ever have is to be in the same place that we are today a year from now.
Starting point is 00:34:08 If you're ready to make some changes, you're ready to go to that next level, check out the burn, check out on Common Leadership, and take those tactics that you're gonna learn from Ben and start going to the next level. Ben, thank you so much for being here with us today. Heather, thank you so much for having me. It's a fantastic way to start
Starting point is 00:34:28 my year. I appreciate you, your energy, how you show up and just awesome to have this opportunity to be with you and your listeners. You're the best. All right, guys, until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be I decided to change that
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