Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Discover Your Calling! With Ryan Blair Founder Of AlterCall Episode 253

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to bring more miracles into your life   Shifting your perspective   Coming back from rock bottom  Resources: Website: altercall.com  Read Nothi...ng to Lose, Everything to Gain  LinkedIn: @Ryan Blair  Instagram: @realryanblair Facebook: @Spiritual Entrepreneurs Scaling Without Stress Community    Twitter: @RyanBlair Youtube: @AlterCall Official  TikTok: @iamryanblair Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Miracles happen all around us! In order to see the world differently all you have to do is change your point of view. Ryan Blair, NYT bestselling author and faith-driven entrepreneur, is here to help us apply simple logic in order to make MAJOR changes in our lives. Ryan hit rock bottom time and time again, until he STOPPED the cycle. He’ll share how he discovered the balance between productivity and generosity, and how we can find our true life’s purpose. Accept the ups and downs, and know that every challenge that comes your way is an opportunity to GROW!  About The Guest: My guest today, Ryan Blair, is New York Times Best Selling Author of Nothing to Lose Everything to Gain, and a serial entrepreneur. After decades of helping others build successful companies he has started his own, AlterCall. AlterCall uplifts and helps entrepreneurs reach success and scale their companies using spiritual modalities.  If You Liked This Episode You Might Also Like These Episodes: Start Thinking BIGGER With Heather!  NOW Is The Time To Heal With Tania Lester The Instructor & Practitioner Of ThetaHealing  The Secret To Achieving What Matters Most In Life & Work With New York Times Best-selling Author Jon Gordon & Co-author Alex Demczak  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You know that fresh produce is the best produce. That's why at Crogr, we invest in local farmers to bring you seasonal picks that taste fresh from the farm good, like sweet corn, refreshing watermelon, and juicy peaches. So whether you're a delivery lover, a picker-upper, or you shop in store, your local produce always tastes 100% fresh. Or you get a 100% refund guaranteed. Kroger, fresh for everyone. I've had some major miracles in my life, and the very fact that I'm alive here today
Starting point is 00:00:33 talking to you and sharing this with you is a miracle. So I think the first step to bringing more miracles into your life is just to start to recognize those miracles around you and then opening your heart to the fact that if you're open to miracles They can actually come to you Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet my guest today. He's Ryan Blair, number one, New York Times best selling author and serial entrepreneur. Blair went from a gang member to businessman
Starting point is 00:01:13 with over two billion in company sales. After decades of building successful companies, Blair began his latest company, Alter Call, which uplifts and helps entrepreneurs scale their companies using spiritual modalities. Blair is the former CEO of Bicellas, which is known for the Body By By 90 Day Challenge. In 2012, Blair sold Bicellas for $792 million. Ryan is the number one New York Times bestselling author of the book, Nothing to Lose, Everything
Starting point is 00:01:42 to Gain. Ryan can't wait for you to break this down with us today. Nice to meet you and nice to see you. Thank you for having me. Perspective is a powerful thing and I did not have a great childhood and so for the majority of my life in corporate America, I never spoke about it. And then to read your bio and hear that you were in a gang, and this is perspective shift of, no matter how hard someone might have it, there's always somebody out there who's had it harder.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Can you get into a little bit of your backstory and what you're up and coming gang years were like? Yeah, yeah, it was a long time ago, but there's a lot of things I reflect on to this day, and I was raised in a, I started out in a middle class environment. So I had all the perfect situation. I had a pool in my backyard. I had new clothing come school time.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Lots of presents underneath the Christmas tree. And by the outside, it looked like we had the perfect family. But on the inside, my parents were addicted to alcohol and drugs. My father was very violent. And as a result of him becoming addicted to drugs, he disappeared on us when I was 14 years old. And my mother was faced to raise me on her own. He never sent a dollar child support
Starting point is 00:02:59 and never gave her any assistance. And she didn't have any career skills or corporate skills whatsoever. So she had to try to raise me at 13 years old on her own. any assistance and she didn't have any career skills or corporate skills whatsoever. So she had to try to raise me at 13 years old on her own and as a result of that I rebelled. I rebelled as a result of the way I was raised. I knew there was something wrong with my family although I was forced to lie about it and to put up with this whole charade basically that we were this perfect family when we weren't.
Starting point is 00:03:26 And so I was forced into a gang at the time. This is the 1990s, mid 90s, early 90s. And gang violence was glorified. It swept most of the nation. The movies and the music and the things that we grew up on were basically inciting violence. And so, next thing I found myself involved in that. And I spent a couple of years involved in a gang. And the gang that I was involved in was very violent. You know, they were involved in all kinds of criminal activity.
Starting point is 00:03:57 And murdered, you know, drive-by shootings, all kinds of things like that. And so, the experience that I had growing up was anything but normal. And as a result of seeing the middle class and then going into poverty, I think that it gave me a unique perspective, one that I would leverage to quickly move through the middle class in my adult life
Starting point is 00:04:19 and then shift into the wealthy class. How were you able to get out of a gang once you were in? To me, that sounds like it must have been a very hard challenge. When you're involved in a gang, they really bond you to it for a variety of things. One is protection. Two is your friends and your community. You also get some power from it. So, people are intimidated by you. They give you respect.
Starting point is 00:04:46 And so there's a lot of things that bond you to that environment. And it's also a way of making money. So it pays the bills. And as a result of that, it's very difficult to break that bond. I had made a deal with God. I'm very spiritual. And I always was, although I straight from it, but I had made a deal with God that I would leave the gang when I was granted leniency and assentencing. I was facing
Starting point is 00:05:11 four years for a strong armed robbery and I begged the judge for leniency. When he gave it to me, I made a commitment that I was going to leave the gang. And so the first thing that I did was I started working non-stop. Generally speaking, again won't hold you accountable for working. But if you're in your house and you're not showing up to the required events, they're going to come get you and pull you out of your house or intimidate you to get out of your house. But if you have a job, and in my case, I had a job because I had to pay restitution for
Starting point is 00:05:44 some of the criminal activity, I was a part of, if you have a job and and in my case, I had a job because I had to pay restitution for some of the criminal activity. I was a part of, if you have a job and you're forced to work, otherwise you go to jail, they'll tend to give you a pass for that. And so my strategy was simple. I was gonna work as many hours that I possibly could, as far away from the neighborhood that I lived in, to get as far away from the gangs I possibly could.
Starting point is 00:06:02 Wow, how did you get people outside of that gang community to take you seriously? And how did you start seeing yourself differently in order to move into more of a business culture? Well, it was a transition. I got a mentor, and he gave me some personal growth to lessons and tapes. He gave me lead to field by Earl Nightingale,
Starting point is 00:06:23 think and grow rich, the richest man in Babylon, a bunch of Tony Robbins related material. And I was about 18 years old, you know, on tattooed, and I was listening to, you know, gangster rap basically, and he bribed me. He persuaded me, and he told me he'd buy me clothes so I could get rid of the gang uniform and I could actually get a job if I was able to master this content. And I listened to these tapes over and over and over. I would sleep to them. I would play the cassette tape at the time we had cassette tapes. And when it would pop, I would wake up and I'd flip it back over and hit play again. I wanted to reprogram my brain. I didn't know this consciously, but that's what I was doing. At a soul level, I knew that the information contained in this material would change my life. Now, never forget, I was playing basketball one day. I had my Walkman in, and at the same
Starting point is 00:07:14 park I'd play every day. One of the lessons was from Lead the Field by Earl Nightingale, and it talked about a vagrant going from a park bench to becoming a millionaire. At the time time, I looked over across the park and I saw a person that was a vagrant, that was sleeping on a bench, and I thought that person could become a millionaire. And if that person could become a millionaire, I could become a millionaire too. And I'll never forget, the children rushed over my body. I believed in that moment that I could become a millionaire if a homeless person could become a millionaire. a homeless person could become a millionaire. So could I.
Starting point is 00:07:46 That was a simple logic that that wisdom had given me. And I believed it. I get the chills right now just sharing it with you. And from that point forward, I stopped listening to gangster rap and started listening to, you know, old 1950s audio tapes. I reprogrammed my vocabulary, my thinking. At the time, you had to go to a bookstore, and you had to
Starting point is 00:08:06 rent audiobooks. I couldn't afford them, of course, because I was, you know, I was poor. So I had to go to an audiobook store and rent the audios and listen to them. And I would just absorb this content, nonstop, 24-7, until I mastered business vocabulary. I started getting into science. I started getting into all kinds of different extracurricular activities. And then eventually I went to college and went to business school. Did you know or do you know that this is so similar
Starting point is 00:08:33 to what Sarah Blakely did when she's launched banks? I have not heard her story. So I'm, but it doesn't surprise me. I think that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Oh, it's so true. So you mentioned faith being a big part of your journey. And I know it's a huge part now,
Starting point is 00:08:50 but you said that there were different times and different transitions through your business career and your relationship with your faith. Can you take us through what that looked like? Oh, yeah. I always had a spiritual calling in my life. My grandmother, the last thing I could tell, described as a saint.
Starting point is 00:09:05 She lived 99 years and she never cursed. She never drank caffeine. She never drank alcohol. She lived a high vibrational life. She always had joy, would always sing. She was just filled with joy and happiness. That was my grandmother's spiritual walk. And so she was an example.
Starting point is 00:09:24 And I would always ask her questions. I would always, always was a seeker. I would ask her for explanations about the Bible. I'd question things. I would always bring to her my interpretations of, you know, biblical stories and so forth. And so I had that in me from the time I was born, and I would seek that out all the time.
Starting point is 00:09:42 But when I lost my father and when I witnessed what he was doing and I witnessed what was going on in society as a out all the time. But when I lost my father and when I witnessed what he was doing and I witnessed what was going on in society as a whole at the time, I thought, I really question my faith and I doubted it. And I became anything but faithful. I became a predator basically. So I have to tell you that I ventured away from it. And then by the grace of God,
Starting point is 00:10:03 and I didn't even see this pattern, a mentor comes in my life. I received mercy and grace, and I didn't see the pattern of God's hand in my life, but it came after a lot of prayer. So I would pray miracles would happen, but I wouldn't kind of equate the two. I wasn't smart enough to see God's hand in my life.
Starting point is 00:10:20 And then I'd venture away, and then I'd be hit a rock bottom again. And when I've come to realize, is that rock was God basically? So I'd strip away all the worldly desires, get close to my faith, and then I'd rebound in life. And then I'd do that again and then I'd rebound. I'd do that again and rebound. And so my journey up until I was 40 years old, I'm 45 years old, was a constant grow through growing,
Starting point is 00:10:46 attracting worldly material things, and then getting on my knees, as a result of the circumstances and crisis in my life, and then reconnecting to my faith and then growing, and then attracting worldly things and ego things, and then going back to my knees, and then growing again. And if you look at the trajectory of my life, it looks like I went straight up from poverty, but there was a lot of this, going back to my knees and then growing again. And if you look at the trajectory of my life,
Starting point is 00:11:05 it looks like I went straight up from poverty, but there was a lot of this. There was a lot of a roller coaster ride. And at 40 years old, I said, how do I get off of this roller coaster? This constant need for crisis and suffering to grow. And I went deep into my faith over a period of two years where I did nothing but work on the internal.
Starting point is 00:11:25 And now having done two years worth of internal work, my daily practice is connecting to my faith. In fact, I do my best to connect to my faith and everything that I do all day long. What did that two year period look like so that we can understand and possibly embrace that same practice? Not everybody's gonna have picked up as much negativity
Starting point is 00:11:46 and trauma and suffering as I had done. I pushed out my trauma and I thought success was going to heal me. So I thought, yeah, I was abused, I was violated, I went through hell. I thought if I just win this award or if I make this next $10 million or if I do this, then all of the pain inside of me will be healed.
Starting point is 00:12:09 And the best way to describe my energy was, I was like a hurricane. I was just chasing success, nothing mattered more than success in my life. And then I got success, and the more success I received, the more that the holes were amplified, the more that the salt came into the wound, so to speak. So I realized the more successful I was,
Starting point is 00:12:28 the less happier I was. And the more I had to get the next dose of success to try to feel alive and try to feel worthy. And so the two-year journey that I went through, not everybody has to go through two years' worth of isolation. And my full-time job was meditation, prayer, and reconnecting to my true spiritual self. And that was because I picked up so much baggage,
Starting point is 00:12:53 so much mud that I had to cleanse my vessel for two years. Not everybody has to do that. But I had two years worth of hard work to do. Now, some people have more than two years worth of hard work, truthfully. And truthfully, I'm still doing the hard work to this day, but I don't have to do it in isolation on my own. During that two-year period, I did Valsive Silence. I quit working all together, but I had the privilege that I had a home in a beautiful environment. I had a person,
Starting point is 00:13:20 a housekeeper that would take care of me. I had great books, great access to content and information, to study, I had hiking trails out my backyard at gym, so I could spend two years doing nothing, but fixing the parts of me that were broken. And basically leaving behind, a lot of people say, oh, you're not broken, I was broken. And all the pieces of me were on the ground. And I got to pick up the good parts and leave behind the bad parts and put myself back together
Starting point is 00:13:50 again. And that's what I did during that two year period. National security experts are warning. Our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked a third time a power station. North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking our grid for vulnerabilities. They've identified nine key substations. If these substations are attacked, power could be knocked out from coast to coast for up to 18 months. Imagine a black outlasting, not days, but weeks or months, your life would be frozen right in time, right when the power goes out. That's why having your own solar power is more important than ever.
Starting point is 00:14:25 With the Patriot Power Generator, you get a solar generator that doesn't install into your house because it's portable. You can take it with you, even use it inside. But it's powerful enough for your phones, medical devices, or even your fridge. And right now, you can go to FordPatreots.com and use code Confidence to get 10% off your first purchase
Starting point is 00:14:43 on anything in the store, including the Patriot Power Generator. You'll also get their famous guarantee for an entire year after your order. Plus, free shipping on orders over $97, and a portion of every sale is donated to charities who support our veterans and their families. Just go to 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get 10% off. That's 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get yours today. If your business earns millions or tens of millions of revenue, stop what you're doing and take a listen because NetSuite by Oracle has just rolled out the best offer we've ever seen. NetSuite gives you the visibility control you need to make better decisions faster.
Starting point is 00:15:22 And for the first time in NetSweets 22 years as the number one cloud financial system, you can defer payments of a full NetSweet implementation for six months. That's no payment, no interest for six months. And you can take advantage of this special financing offer today. NetSweet is number one because they
Starting point is 00:15:38 give your business everything you need in real time, all in one place, to reduce manual processes, boost efficiency, build forecast, and increase productivity across every department. Now, listen, the importance of having all this information in one place to make better decisions is unprecedented. The offer NetSuite is giving you is unbelievable, and it's making it all possible for you to have it. Now, 33,000 companies have already upgraded to NetSuite, gaining visibility and control over their financials, inventory, HR, e-commerce, and more.
Starting point is 00:16:11 If you've been sizing NetSuite up to make the switch, then you know this deal is unprecedented. No interest, no payments, take advantage of the special financing offer at NetSuite.com slash monahan. NetSuite.com slash monahan to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm. Netsuite.com slash monahan. You should know what that means already. That's the best kind of notification.
Starting point is 00:16:36 That's the sound of another sale on Shopify and the moment another business dream becomes a reality. Shopify is a commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you're selling books or courses, Shopify is simplifies selling online and in person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Shopify covers every sales channel from in-person POS system to all-in-one e-commerce platforms and even lets you sell across
Starting point is 00:16:59 social media marketplaces like TikTok, Facebook and Instagram. Packed with industry leading tools ready to ignite your growth, Shopify gives you complete control over your business and your brand. And thanks to 24.7 Help in extensive business course library, Shopify is there to support your success every step of the way. I love Shopify.
Starting point is 00:17:19 What's been incredible for me about Shopify is how no matter how big you want to grow, Shopify is there to empower you and give you the confidence and control to revolutionize your business and take your business to the next level. Now it's your turn. Get serious about selling and try Shopify today. This is Possibility powered by Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash monahein. All lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash monahein to take your
Starting point is 00:17:48 business to the next level today. shopify.com slash monahein. Now as you move forward after going through so much and doing so much healing, do you feel like that roller coaster ride is finally over for you and you can just continue to grow? roller coaster ride is finally over for you and you can just continue to grow? Yes, I have graduated from the teacher of suffering. I no longer need suffering the same way that I used to. Although suffering does show up, but when it does, I have a new perspective on it and I actually learned from it and I greet it as a friend. Every challenge that comes your way is an opportunity to grow. In fact, I'm going to be faced with challenges.
Starting point is 00:18:27 I am faced with challenges. Being an entrepreneur with 30 team members and hundreds and thousands of clients is a challenge. And so every day there's something new that comes my way that I didn't anticipate I don't want to do, but I have to do it because in that challenge is the next version of me. And when I pass through that challenge,
Starting point is 00:18:47 and when I master that challenge, and when I extract the lessons from it, then I actually step into a new version of me that wasn't there the day before. So it's not that suffering has disappeared altogether, it's that I greet it as a friend, and I don't self-inflicted. I'm not looking to learn from the teacher of suffering.
Starting point is 00:19:06 And so I constantly am preoccupying myself with trying to humble myself and keep my ego at bay and doing the things necessary to keep suffering away from me so that I can learn from the good of life as opposed to having to learn from a constant self-savotaging, suffering way of being, which is the way most people learn. When people are signed up for the teacher of suffering, I just give Mahog and love on them. I'm like, that's a better teacher than me, because suffering will teach you more than anything else
Starting point is 00:19:37 in life, but unfortunately, most people just never learn how to graduate from suffering. And so they're kept in a perpetual state of suffering. So true. And now you're teaching business people how to embrace faith. It's so interesting to me to see your teachings and the work that you're doing currently because for so many years, I just know myself,
Starting point is 00:19:59 speaking from my own experience, I definitely saw it the way as focus on the goal, go after them money, tune everything else out. I never thought consciously about this idea of aligning your faith, your life, your business, and bringing everything together. Do you meet a lot of people who are so curious about that? Yes. There isn't awakening occurring right now. Most business people, especially when you become successful,
Starting point is 00:20:27 you start to question like, why am I doing this? Do I really want to be sitting inside of a room, teaching and mentoring people so that they can make a living to give to their kids and I'm not giving the sustenance to my children that I should be, or to myself that I should be? And if you're really chasing money beyond a certain point, you're really not chasing the money.
Starting point is 00:20:49 You're chasing the power, the fame, you're chasing something other than the money. Because after you get to a certain level of money, more happiness does not come with it, that there's a diminishing return of it. And so what I have found with the clients that I work with is they're often asking the same question that I was, which is, why should I be doing all this?
Starting point is 00:21:09 Why am I not just out there smelling the roses or hanging out on the beach all day long? And I did that for two years. For two years, I did nothing. And that brought suffering with it as well. After a certain point, there was a diminishing return there and that I had healed. And I no longer could spend all day long in tranquility and still feel alive and still feel like I was utilizing
Starting point is 00:21:29 my God-given gifts to make an impact. And so there's a balance that we have to have between productivity and generosity. And the productivity is how are we productive as human beings and the generosity is how are we being generous with ourselves, our friends, our family, and the world as a whole. And if you're just collecting money for the sake of collecting money, you're not going to have that productivity dialed in. Or that generosity, I should say dialed in. And as a result of that, you're going to be miserable. And all you're going to be doing is trying to get one dose of more money after, next dose of more money after, next dose of more money. And it becomes an addiction. And the high of money wears off over time.
Starting point is 00:22:08 And eventually you're miserable and you start sabotaging yourself by collecting things. And the more stuff that you own, the more that stuff owns you. And I'll tell you this, you know, I used to have homes all over the place. And then I had to worry about the people taking care of the homes, the people renting the homes, the value of the homes, the inflation in the homes, all of the stuff, all of those things that I owned end up owning me. And every day I just wake up having to maintenance all of the possessions that I owned. And that's no way to live.
Starting point is 00:22:37 So there's a balance that we must find in productivity and generosity. And that's what I help entrepreneurs do. I know some of the work that you do is around helping people find their purpose. How do you go about directing people to find their purpose? Because it's something I fear people ask about all the time. Every one of us has a journey of the soul that we're on.
Starting point is 00:22:59 And our soul has a purpose. And it's up to us to discover what that is. And we discover that through a series of experimentations. If you look at your past, you've already been doing these experiments. And each time you feel lit up and alive when you're doing something, like for me, when I'm speaking before an audience, when I'm writing a good passage, when I'm mentoring an individual, a new individual, giving them new awareness and giving them peace and awakening them
Starting point is 00:23:27 to a new level in themselves. Like I could do that all day long. And so when I look at the pattern of my past and I look at the things that light me up, in there I will discover the purpose. But what we don't realize is that each and every single one of us has the exact same purpose. We just have to utilize different vehicles to get there. And each of us has the exact same purpose, we just have to utilize
Starting point is 00:23:45 different vehicles to get there. And each of us has the same purpose, and that is to leave humanity better than we found it. Now the way that we do that might be by being a great mother or great father or great citizen or a politician or a business person. And the objective is to leave wisdom behind in such a way that the world is a better place because you were in it. And so when you really simplify what a purpose is and you start to think about it in such
Starting point is 00:24:12 a simplistic way, then you can challenge yourself each and every single day to just, you know, further your purpose to contribute to the life of another person, to spread some light into someone else's life. And when you do that over enough days in a row, eventually you accumulate such good will that it will be easy for you to live on purpose each and every single day. That is a beautiful thing.
Starting point is 00:24:32 And I know it's something so many people are searching for today. I was looking on your Instagram and I saw you speaking about the power of forgiveness and how it impacted your life. And it really resonated with me. And I was hoping you could share that story. Yeah, well I'm a Christian and so my you know spiritual hero is Jesus and he taught three things. He taught
Starting point is 00:24:51 forgiveness, he taught love, and he taught God's love. And you know I never really understood the power of forgiveness. I could understand love like okay I get it. We should have love, love that I neighbor, love each other. But like why do I need to learn this forgiveness thing? And then it dawned on me that I could not fully love, unless I could fully forgive. And that the other half of love, you know, everything is a double-edged sword. There's a negative pole and a positive pole.
Starting point is 00:25:17 The other half of love is forgiveness. And forgiving ourselves means we love ourselves. Forgiving others means we love our neighbor as ourselves, and that we truly love human beings. And being a spiritual person means we have two types of love. We have love for humanity and we have love for God. And in order to do that, we have to have forgiveness. And we have to seek forgiveness and give forgiveness as effortlessly and easily as we do pray.
Starting point is 00:25:44 And so forgiveness is a very and easily as we do pray. And so forgiveness is a is a very important modality. It's one that I remind myself each and every single day and one that I teach even to my son who's 13 years old. I share with him often. I say, is there anything that you need to forgive me for? Because you know what? I'm a human being and as a father, I make mistakes all day long and forgiveness is an opportunity to clear a channel between another individual. And until you actually exercise forgiveness among each other, that channel will become distorted or blocked or it won't be a pure channel. So the more you forgive each other, the more you exercise forgiveness, the clearer the channel is between the two human beings and the brighter the light that
Starting point is 00:26:20 can shine between them. I'm sure it was not easy for giving your father. How were you able to make that happen or clear that channel? You know, when he passed away, I was shocked. I was in my bathtub, I loved taking baths, I was in a salt bath, I was meditating, and something a voice came to me and said, your father just passed away. And I hadn't seen him since I was 13 years old.
Starting point is 00:26:43 He tried to reach out to me a number of times on Facebook, and I was so angry toward him, I blocked him, so he couldn't reach out to me anymore. Even though he was trying to reach out to me the best way he could, with the best love that he could. He wasn't trying to pick a fight with me. He's trying to say, hey, I'm still your father, but I rejected that.
Starting point is 00:27:00 I said, no, I never let him see my son Reagan, his grandson. And so when he died, it just hit me out like a ton of bricks that I'd never have that opportunity to give him a hug. I'd never have the opportunity for him to meet his grandson. And I denied him that. And I realized at that moment that I could have been a better man, that I could have just given him that, knowing that, you know, that there's still love between us
Starting point is 00:27:27 and he didn't have to die with this uncertainty and this sadness around me. And I knew that I had made him die that way, that I had rejected him and I'd withheld forgiveness from him. And all of a sudden it became completely clear that if he was alive for 10 more minutes, I had given him that hug, knowing what I knew after he had passed away. And once I determined that, I said, okay, now I have to go and reconcile and forgive
Starting point is 00:27:52 him for everything I can find. And I took out old pictures. I took out pictures of him and me. And there wasn't very many of them because I only had 13 years and at the time, we didn't have cameras on us at all time. But I't very many of them because I only had 13 years and at the time we didn't have cameras on us at all time. But I found as many pictures, I reached out to family members and I got pictures of him as a child.
Starting point is 00:28:12 So I could deeply go into who he was as a child. When he was a victim before he became a perpetrator, who was this man, this young man? And I connected to him there. And I did forgiveness exercises over and over where I bring up the good times. I tell him what I needed forgiveness for because I cursed his name a number of times. I was not the perfect son by any means. He certainly wasn't the perfect dad, and I rebelled as much as I possibly could. And so I sought forgiveness, I gave forgiveness, and I repeated that for about two years. And I would
Starting point is 00:28:47 do these exercises until anything that I could find in my heart that I was still holding onto, I forgave him for, and anything in my heart that I had done that I recalled and remembered that was wrong to him like one time. I shot out all of this lamps in the backyard with my BB gun because I was mad at him. So I went and broke every lamp, like every light in the backyard got a BB in it. And you know, I felt justified at the time, but I still offered that up. And now I'll tell you that I have so much love for my father. I have a different perspective.
Starting point is 00:29:22 I don't see him as a horrible person anymore. I just see him as you know for who he was and I connected even to the journey that he had prior to me that I wasn't a part of I have a deep sense of what he went through and So I have deep empathy for him and compassion for him and I laugh with him I hear his voice all the time. I connect to him and I have to tell you, it's been the most magical experience. Although he's not with me physically, spiritually, I feel my dad's guidance every step of the way. And I can't, even though there was a lot of bad stuff, I don't even focus on it anymore. The bad stuff, to me, I just think it's got consequences of who he was and how my soul chose him because I needed the medicine that he could only he could give me. And as a result
Starting point is 00:30:11 of the medicine he gave me, I get to be the father that I am today to my son, one that would never, you know, intentionally hit my son or harm my son or do anything like that to my son. It sounds incredibly freeing. So I'm so happy for you. Again, definitely, I've gone through the forgiveness journey myself, not the easiest thing to do, but when you can't get on that other side of it, it feels amazing. Say you have a business idea, but you're not sure what to do next. Don't go into debt spending four plus years on a degree.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Listen to the Millionaire University podcast. Learn how to run a successful business and graduate rich, not broke. Trust me, you need to check out this podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is hosted by Justin and Tara Williams, who started their business from Square One and now have years of valuable experience. They hit lows and dug themselves out of debt, and want to share the lessons they've learned with aspiring entrepreneurs. You don't need a degree to succeed. Millionaire University will teach you everything
Starting point is 00:31:07 you need to know. From specifics like how to start a software business without creating your own software, to more broad topics, like eight businesses you can start tomorrow to make 10K a month. In each episode, you'll get insights from entrepreneurs and mentors
Starting point is 00:31:23 who know what it takes to be successful. So don't wait. Now is the time to turn your business idea into a reality by listening to the Millionaire University podcast. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Find the Millionaire University on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. J.J. Spotify or wherever you get your podcast. I've just exploded. You did me dirty. Are you kidding? Your face is on the chest, but who's to say I can't clip that off?
Starting point is 00:32:06 Oh! The Baxalorect premieres tonight, 9-8 Central YDBC and Streamon Hulu. You brought up your son. I'm interested to hear about the role autism has played in your life. Well, for nine years, autism was the scariest thing that I could ever face as a human being. The day that I found out, I thought my son had hearing issues
Starting point is 00:32:31 because I couldn't get his attention no matter what I tried. And he would go into these really difficult seizures and it was a really difficult situation. And I got him tested and I found out he had autism and it broke me. All a father wants, or a mother for that matter, is a healthy child. Like that's all I wanted. And, you know, seeing how difficult it was for him to learn, for him to socialize, for him to
Starting point is 00:32:58 communicate, to use his words and comparison to all these other kids that are excelling in school and doing this and doing that and having to go through that experience was a very difficult thing for me and 10 times 10,000 times more difficult for him So it was a lot of pain in my family system during that period of time and I got him early help I got him therapy speech OT psychotherapy, every test that you could possibly imagine, got him into the right schools, got all kinds of help around him, changed his diet, and then started praying and meditating with him routinely.
Starting point is 00:33:38 And during one prayer, one moment, I witnessed a miracle happen, and I took him into a prayer, one moment, I witnessed a miracle happen and I took him into a prayer and he was going deep. When he came out of the prayer, he opened his eyes and he didn't make eye contact with me. For the very first time, he made pure, deep, intimate eye contact with me. I saw a change happen in his eyes and I kept going deeper into prayer, deeper into meditation. The deeper that I went into prayer and meditation, the more that he was able to receive the light from it. And now I could tell you that my son doesn't show any signs of autism whatsoever. And in fact, they recently even changed his diagnosis. So, you know, I can tell you that it was a product of both doing the physical work,
Starting point is 00:34:22 the therapy, the diet, nutrition, and, you know, the early intervention, and then as well as the physical work, the therapy, the diet, nutrition, and the early intervention, and then as well as the spiritual work. And now I don't have any worry whatsoever that my son will be 100% fully functional and productive as an adult. He's 13 years old now, and he is social, he communicates, he is very smart. He negotiates me at a video game point,
Starting point is 00:34:44 like nobody's business. I've never had anybody out negotiate me to the degree that my son can. And it's a miracle. And part of my journey and my story is I've witnessed so many miracles like that. And that's why I'm so excited to share not only miracles in my life, but to help people discover miracles in their life. That is an incredible miracle. I'm so happy for both of you. Talk to us a little bit about the science of miracles and what this means. When we talk about science and spirituality, science is taking an approach to finding evidence to support
Starting point is 00:35:17 some of the things that we've known spiritually for quite a long time. For example, it's been in many spiritual traditions to meditates and mention in Buddhism, not mentioned. It is Buddhism, it is Hinduism, and it's mentioned something like 23 times in the Bible. So meditation was always deemed as a spiritual practice, but now scientists have actually started studying it and found that not only does it increase your IQ,
Starting point is 00:35:41 it increases your memory, it increases longevity, and there's anti-aging properties to it. So there's so many scientific benefits to meditation and prayer and breathwork, and a number of spiritual modalities, voice and singing and vocal work, things that were done primarily as spiritual practices, are now, we're now finding that scientifically that these things have a lot of merit to them as well. And over time, we're gonna find that science is going to catch up with spirituality.
Starting point is 00:36:09 And I think that there's gonna be a perfect blending and harmony between both the way science looks at things, finding evidence to support the benefits of it. And the way spirituality looks at things, and that is to have blind faith in support of the benefits of it. And so I try to take both approaches to it and teach both approaches to it,
Starting point is 00:36:28 because I think that looking at both approaches is the best way to actually come to the best practices that both science and spirituality have to offer. So how does someone bring about miracles in their life using this information? Miracles come when you're open to them. And if you're not open to miracles, they're not going to come. Miracles come when you're open to them. And if you're not open to miracles, they're not gonna come.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Miracles come when you're vulnerable, when your heart is open, when you are committed, when you are willing to do the work, when you're willing to step out in faith, that's when you start to see miracles. And every day is a miracle. And so, you know, part of bringing miracles into your life is just being connected to and having gratitude for
Starting point is 00:37:07 the miracle of life that is all around you, each and every single day, you know, the air that you breathe, the leaves that fall from the tree, the weather, you know, everything around us is a miracle. And so when you start to become present to the fact that just the fact that you are alive, that you are walking, that you are breathing is a miracle. Then you can start to receive additional miracles. And pretty soon you'll start to see serendipity and synchronicity and a variety of things that are elevated ways of experiencing miracles. I've had some major miracles in my life, and the very fact that I'm alive here today talking
Starting point is 00:37:43 to you and sharing this with you as a miracle. So I think the first step to bringing more miracles into your life is just to start to recognize those miracles around you and then opening your heart to the fact that if you're open to miracles, they can actually come to you. Oh, it's so true. So good. Thank you for sharing that. You mentioned breath work and this is definitely something that is new to me, but I feel like everybody is talking about it. Are there certain types of breath work that you feel like are most helpful or needed
Starting point is 00:38:12 or is there a right way or a wrong way? Yeah, so this is another interesting scientific discovery. We've looked at different breath monitoring devices, and through your respiration, you can actually gauge your level of anxiety, your level of calmness, respiration is an indicator as to how you're feeling. And so if you want to change how you're feeling, change the way you respire. And to respire correctly is to be inspired, right? That's the word, the derivative of the word, inspires to respire. And so by focusing on your breath,
Starting point is 00:38:46 you retrain yourself. And breath is an automatic thing, but the breathing deeply and richly and fully expanding your lungs is not automatic. And we get conditioned and we start breathing very shallow because the content that we're taking in, the work environment, the way we're operating, we start breathing really shallow
Starting point is 00:39:06 and we actually train our breathing to be shallow. And when we do that, we're not actually fully experiencing the energy that breath has to offer. And so breath work is basically going back and expanding and relearning how to breathe. And when you do that, you'll release anxiety. You'll release emotions that are trapped within the body. You'll release old traumas because the body keeps the score and it stores emotions and
Starting point is 00:39:32 experiences. In your breathing, if your breathing very shallow, then what you're doing is you're basically trapping those emotions within the body. And so as you relearn to breathe and you learn to breathe deeply and you follow, there's a number of different types of breath work that you can dive into that'll expand the way you breathe and teach you how to breathe in a new way. And it's something that I have to do each and every day.
Starting point is 00:39:52 I have to remind myself to breathe correctly because I get excited, I get energized, and pretty soon I'm breathing in a shallow way. And as a result of that, anxiety might pick up or I might get triggered or frustrated. And so when that occurs, I have to remind myself, to ground myself and go back to the breath and relearn to breathe.
Starting point is 00:40:12 One of the tricks that I do is in between sessions. I might have a mentoring session where there's some heavy conversation and it might weigh heavy on me. And so I'll go take a quick breath work session, say five minutes, recenter myself, and then go back into the next session with my energy cleared. And breath work is one of the most powerful ways to clear the energy.
Starting point is 00:40:31 What about people who are listening right now and saying, oh my gosh, this sounds so hard. There's so much to do. How are people able to more easily incorporate these elements? Or what are the most important elements to incorporate that it's feasible for someone? Yeah, that's a great question. And I use a technique where I have people first focus on removing something from their life. So you would be surprised. I did an analysis on my time the other day and I'm actually teaching this to the entrepreneurs
Starting point is 00:40:59 I work with where we look at all the things that bring us light in our lives, like catching a sunset, a sunrise, playing with my dog, right? All the things that bring us light and joy in our life. And you write all those things down, and then you write all the things that you have to do, like work, right, and stuff like that. And then, you know, you add up how wrong each of the things
Starting point is 00:41:17 that brings you joy, and then how much time it takes to do work, and then you then you try to find balance among, you know, the two groups, and making sure that you prioritize your time for the things that bring you joy because work will eat up all of the available time. So if you don't have boundaries around the things that bring you joy, you will work, we'll eat that up.
Starting point is 00:41:36 And next thing you know, you'll be doing more work and more work and more work at the expense of actually having joy in life. So you have to have boundaries around that and you have to write out those things that bring you joy. And what I tell people to do is after they write up all the things that bring them joy, and then all the things that are required
Starting point is 00:41:52 and the roles that they have, the work that they do, then we have to say to ourselves, let's make some space. And the thing that surprised me is like, 10 minutes a day is five days a year, right? So if you cut back on your Instagram for 10 minutes a day is five days a year, right? So if you cut back on your Instagram for 10 minutes a day, if you cut back on reading the news for 10 minutes a day, you could do five days a year worth of breath work.
Starting point is 00:42:12 You could do five more days a year worth of vacation. So, you know, when you look at the amount of minutes that you spend wasting time in life, you know, procrastinating, social media is a big time wasteer. The news is a huge time wasteer. Netflix is a huge time wasteer. And you look at all the things that you spend time wasting. And if you start restricting those things,
Starting point is 00:42:34 and I'm not saying eliminate them completely, but just cut them back in such a way that, you know, you're fine with that. It's like, all right, I'm gonna spend five days a year reading the news. But if I spend an hour a day, that's like 20 days a year, whatever the number is, right? That's a lot of days a year
Starting point is 00:42:51 that you're dedicating to the news of all things, right? And so we just don't realize how important 10, 20, 30 minutes of time is on a day-by-day basis. But when you add that up over the year, you'll find that you have a lot of time for the things that you're neglecting right now. Yeah, that is so powerful. I love that idea.
Starting point is 00:43:07 I'm getting rid of something, cutting something out of your life, cleaning things up, creating some space, so some more positive things can come. And I think that's super powerful. Ryan, thank you so much for the work that you're doing. How can people find you? How can they connect with you?
Starting point is 00:43:21 I'm on Instagram, so I'm at Real Ryan Blair. And if you shoot me at DM, we can have a conversation, or you can find me at altercall.com, and it's at ltrcall.com. Well, grateful for you being here today. Great for you sharing all of this knowledge. We'll put all of your links in the show notes below, and thank you so much for everything
Starting point is 00:43:41 that you're doing right. Thank you, Heather. Until next week, guys, keep creating your confidence. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning Digital Media Empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Each week, we dive into a new topic like the art of side hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-list guests on Young & Profiting. I've got the best guest. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark Damon John, serial entrepreneur Alex and Laila Hermosi, and even movie stars, like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose. Every episode is jam packed with advice that's going to push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously,
Starting point is 00:45:06 which is why I'm known as the podcast princess and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcast is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you, it's an advanced show. As long as you wanna learn and level up, you will be forever young. So join podcast royalty and subscribe
Starting point is 00:45:23 to Young and Profiting Podcast. Or, yeah, like it's often called by my app fam. On Apple Spotify, CastBox or wherever you listen to your podcast. Wings and Charleys. Get 23% off any order of 30 or 50 piece wings when you use promo code 23grat at charleys.com. That's promo code 23grad at charleys.com. Charleys has wings. you

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.