Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Drop Your FEARS & Open Yourself Up To Change, With Heather! Episode 296

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  The key to showing up as the BEST version of yourself How to ask for what you want and set boundaries for what you DON’T   The best non-confrontational ways to have difficult conversations   How forgiveness has taken my morning routine to the NEXT LEVEL! Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  If someone is disrespecting you, it’s time to TEACH them how they’re supposed to treat you! You do not have to allow anyone to disrespect you, no matter who they are. I’ll share how you can be your most clear and direct self, so you go after and achieve all of your goals. Remember, there’s always someone out there who will support and honor your boundaries; never settle for anything less!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you listen to music, you have choices, all to hip-hop, rock, or country. The same goes for the Toyota Corolla family. You can choose the versatile Corolla Cross SUV or the fun to drive Corolla sedan. You also have the choice of gas or hybrid and options on stylish trims as well. For those who like choices, Corolla is music to your ears, like jazz fusion. If that's your thing, to find your appropriate Corolla, visit your local Toyota dealer or Toyota.com today. Toyota, let's go places.

See packages and options at Toyota.com for future availability. When there's a penalty on the field, referees are there to sort it out. When there's an accident on the road, that's where USAA steps in. We help make the claims process easy, so drivers can get back on the road fast. Making the right calls, that's what we're made for. Membership eligibility and product restrictions apply in our subject to change. USAA means United Services Automobile Association

and its affiliates, San Antonio, Texas. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we're going to chase down our goals. overcome adversity and set you up for better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close time. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so let's start today with a question I received on LinkedIn and it was actually a follow-up to my solo episode last week Where I was answering another question. Here's a new one. My only question is when you run across someone else

Who is acting in a way that is disrespectful or disagreeable But you're trying to be respectful. How do you navigate that? Especially when there's an age gap at play. I often feel that not everyone holds the tools to have the difficult conversation in the right way. So we start to have resentment where things are not said or even worse, gossip starts. And once that gets going, it's hard to stop. Silence is worse than a challenge in conversation, right? I appreciate all the edu.

Thank you. Oh, thank you so much. Okay. So yes, silence is worse than a challenge and conversation. Of course it is. Silence isn't going to resolve anything, right? So I don't know who needs to hear this right now,

but if someone's being disrespectful to you, you are teaching them how to treat you. So you need to teach them, that's not okay. The first thing I would say is look at that person, right? It's just another human being and look in their life and say, hmm, do they treat everyone this way? I guarantee they don't. I guarantee there's people out there and they treat with respect.

I guarantee there's people out there they would never treat the way that they're treating you, right? You're allowing for it. And I remember when I was younger, oh my gosh, there was countless examples in my life where I allowed for people to not treat me in the best ways. And especially when you have someone on a pedestal, right? I mean, you think like, oh, well, they're better than me or this, here's the reality. We live in a world where we're always teaching others how to treat us, we're teaching others

what is okay for us. So you wanna show up as that best version of you, one of the big and most important ways of doing that is allowing yourself to be treated the way you deserve, asking for what you want. And sometimes that's creating boundaries. And I get it, I actually was speaking at the Miami Heat a couple of days ago, and I got this question

during the Q&A, some very similar question like this. So in the workplace, how do you do it, right? That's one of the questions that I got in the Q&A portion of my speaking engagement. Here's what I said, there's a couple of different things. One, a great way, in my opinion, to approach a difficult situation is to say, I'm confused or help me understand. Right, those are two non-confrontational ways to open up a difficult conversation.

PS, who says it's gonna be a difficult conversation, by the way, to me that's sort of going in with a negative attitude, because oftentimes it's because we didn't communicate what we need, want, or expect, or that some things bothering us, we can't assume the other person knows. Maybe things are just not going well in their life. They're in a crabby mood or situation and they're taking it out on us and it's on us to alert them to, hey, I didn't

like how you spoke to me yesterday. I didn't feel good when I walked away from you. Please don't do that again. Please speak to me in a way that you would want to be spoken to. How would you feel if I spoke to you that way? Those are some good jump off points. But again, if you're at work, you're in an environment, whether the person's older than you or not is irrelevant, in my opinion, again, that's more about you and how are you having issues that they're older? You think you need to treat them with more respect?

They need to treat you with respect, right? It's a two way street. So, it doesn't matter what age you are, how much seniority you have, people need to treat you with respect, right? It's a two way street. So it doesn't matter what age you are, how much seniority you have, people need to treat others with kindness and treat them in a way that is respectful, no matter who they are, what they look like, where they're from, what social, economic, class, or age they are.

That's fact, right? So it's 2023 people, treat others with kindness. And if someone's not treating you that way, raise the red flag and say, hey, I've got a problem with this. This doesn't work for me. So in business, oftentimes, I use that. I'm confused. You had said that you wanted to work together on this project.

However, when you speak to me like the way that you just did, it doesn't feel like we're on the same team. Have I done something to upset you? Right, ask people some really direct questions and what you might find out is someone might say, It doesn't feel like we're on the same team. Have I done something to upset you? Right. Ask people some really direct questions and what you might find out is someone might say, oh my gosh, no. But you know what, I'm going through divorce right now and I'm really having a hard time. And you know what, I think I'm taking it out on you.

I'm sorry. And maybe that person apologizes to you. Or maybe the person says, I have no idea what you're talking about. Give me an example. And you want to be prepared to give somebody an example Exactly what they said that was upsetting to you so that they can understand What your parameters are what works for you or what doesn't but it's really up to you think to yourself Okay, do they treat so-and-so this way? No, I see them engaged with that person in a much more respectful manner

Well, I deserve to be respected that same way. Give them that example. Hey, I see when you are in meetings with so and so, you don't behave the same way that you do when you speak with me. Why is that? I would appreciate it if you would speak to me that same way. Right? Ask for what you want.

Show people, model what respect is. Show them how you want to be treated and ask for what you want, be clear, be direct, and it does not have to be a difficult conversation. You know, practice, practice that conversation ahead of time, write down what that conversation would look like and roll through a couple of different options so that you feel more confident and prepared for it.

But know that it is your right to have people treat you with respect. Something's wrong with other people if they don't want to treat you with respect. And I would say overcome that villain. If you have this conversation, you are direct, you are clear, you ask with total honesty for what you want. And they're still not able to do it. Those might not be your people, right? You're gonna have to put some boundaries in place and maybe you need to get moved off that team but they're still gonna be disrespectful to you and treat you poorly.

I'm gonna give you a quick example. When I had my son, so this is 15 years ago, I was a chief revenue officer for a media company at the time and 10 days after I gave birth, I got an email from my venceo that said, hey, I need you to board a flight and go speak at my alma mater for me. True story.

I had very low confidence at that point in time. And I remember I was so scared. Like, well, gosh, everyone's gonna be coming from my job because I just had a baby. And, you know, I was one of the only female C-suite executives. There was only one other, right? So I just had a baby. And I was one of the only female C-suite executives. There was only one other. Right, so I was already a target.

People wanted my job. People, plenty of people, I'm sure, didn't think I deserved it, which of course I did. But I was insecure at the time. And so when he sent me that email, I responded right away. Yes, sir, I will absolutely make the flight and deliver the keynote. Oh my gosh, epic fail.

On my part, people always say that's a, what an awful situation he put you in. No, what an awful situation I allowed for. Change the dynamic, change the accountability there and start saying, I could have very easily said, no. Right? So here's how I would handle that conversation differently today, if I could go back to that moment. I would have responded to the email,

oh my gosh, you didn't hear I just had a baby. I'm going to go ahead and send you some pictures, give me a call after you get the pictures I want to talk to you about it. This is so exciting. I'm a new mom, 10 days in. It's really kind of crazy. And then I would have sent the pictures and then I would have called them and said,

hey, I know that you've got this important keynote and you're not able to make that trip, which I completely understand. However, I think you and I can both agree. There's probably somebody else better qualified to give a speech right now, not me knowing that I just had a baby and just had a C section and I'm 10 days out.

Who do you think the right person is to go? Bruce or Brian? Brian? I mean, that would have been an easy conversation. Yeah, that's not a difficult conversation. However, I was scared to have it. I didn't want people to think I had lost my edge, which is so ridiculous. I can't even put into words how ridiculous it is.

So we're teaching people how to treat us. I was teaching people back then that I would just take anything they gave me because I wanted to show that I could do it. But really what I was doing was not respecting myself. So start with respecting yourself. Hold yourself accountable to creating those boundaries and recognize it doesn't have to be a difficult conversation.

It just needs to be a direct one. You're communicating what your wants and needs are. And there is nothing wrong about that. Don't apologize for it. Own it. Rock it. Give examples of how you want to be spoken to and move forward with what you deserve. Respect because everybody deserves respect. National security experts are warning. Our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. deserves respect. power could be knocked out from coast to coast for up to 18 months. Imagine a black outlasting not days, but weeks or months your life would be frozen right in time right when the power goes out. That's why having your own solar power is more important than ever. With the Patriot Power Generator, you get a solar generator that doesn't install into your house because it's portable.

You can take it with you. Even use it inside. But it's powerful enough for your phones, medical devices, or even your fridge. And right now, you can go to FordPatreots.com and use code Confidence to get 10% off your first purchase on anything in the store, including the Patriot Power Generator. You'll also get their famous guarantee for an entire year after your order. Plus, free shipping on orders over $97, and a portion of every sale is donated to charities who support our veterans and their families. Just go to 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get 10% off.

That's 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get yours today. If your business earns millions or tens of millions of revenue, stop what you're doing and take a listen, because NetSuite by Oracle has just rolled out the best offer we've ever seen. NetSuite gives you the visibility control you need to make better decisions faster. And for the first time in NetSuite's 22 years as the number one cloud financial system, you can defer payments of a full

NetSuite implementation for six months. That's no payment, no interest for six months. And you can take advantage of this special financing offer today. NetSuite is number one, because they give your business everything you need in real time, all in one place to reduce manual processes, boost efficiency, build forecast, and increase productivity across every department. Now, listen, the importance of having all this information in one place to make better decisions

is unprecedented. The offer NetSuite is giving you is unbelievable, and it's making it all possible for you to have it. Now, 33,000 companies have already upgraded to next week, gaining visibility and control over their financials. Inventory, HR, e-commerce, and more. If you've been sizing next suite up to make the switch, then you know this deal is unprecedented.

No interest, no payments. take advantage of the special financing offer at NetSuite.com slash monahan. NetSuite.com slash monahan to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm. NetSuite.com slash monahan. All right, now I want to get into this is funny. I mentioned if you haven't heard last week's episode, please go back and listen. You know, I was talking about how my son was going away on this trip.

And I want to share with you that he returned and it was nowhere near as bad as he thought I was going to be. And it's so funny because in our minds, we build up or we create these stories or we, we get fearful or we worry. And all of it was for what? For nothing, he had a great time. I mean, granted, it was not ideal conditions and he was so grateful to be home

and to be eating normal food again instead of just protein bars and not great food that they had on this trip, right? They were living intense and in canoes all day, every day for the week. So it was not ideal situations, but he said he had so much fun. There was no technology. And so for one week, he had no phone.

And while that was hard, he said in some ways, it was amazing in other ways because they were completely present and with all their friends. And he was so grateful when he got back that he went and he said he had such an incredible time on the trip and I was so proud of him. You know, stepping into these new moments

and stepping into something that we think could be scary or could potentially be bad, living in a tent for a week doesn't sound great, but it ended up being incredible. And one of these moments, he's so grateful that he didn't miss out on. So for you, whatever it is that you're having some hesitation towards, drop the worry, drop the fear and start thinking about what amazing thing could happen during this situation

instead of all the negative ones that you're afraid to have happen, right? So it ends up being this real blessing. And for me, I was so missing my son by the time, you know, Friday rolled around. And it really just made me feel so grateful for him. was so missing my son by the time, you know, Friday rolled around. And it really just made me feel so grateful for him. He came home and was so grateful for me because he hadn't seen me in a week. He hadn't, wasn't used to having a regular home,

regular food, you know, all the amenities that we have in our normal life. So he felt so appreciative. So I guess my learning from this is losing something that you love once in a while is actually a blessing in many ways. He definitely came home so much more grateful, so much more appreciative for the basic things like a shower, food, just these really basic things. And I felt so grateful just to have him back something that maybe I take for granted every day, right? Because we're used to chasing our kids

out the door to get them to school in the morning and chasing them around to get their homework done at night and run into the grocery store because we ran out of food and all these, what seemed like tedious things. But then when you lose that person that's so special to you that means so much for a week, you really can appreciate how much you love them and how grateful you are to have them.

And I know he came home feeling that same way and being so appreciative and grateful for the most basic things that we take for granted every day. So wherever you are in life, whatever whoever those people are that you love so much, make sure to show them gratitude today and every day, because there will be a moment at some point in time where that person will be gone from your life for whatever reason Maybe it's a week long school trip like my son and you're really gonna miss them and it's just it's so joyful and Exciting when you get to get them back, right? So sometimes it is a blessing to lose something that you love for a little while To really remember how grateful you are to have them in your life. So I hope you can remember that today And suddenly, you know, it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginning. Someone at an event that I was speaking at yesterday gave me this great magnet. And I love that, I love that saying. And,

you know, these new beginnings are all around us all the time if we're willing to welcome them and let them into our lives. So I was so grateful that he trusted the magic of this new beginning of this trip and then coming home with this new beginning of a total radical gratitude just for food and for a shower. And I carried on with that concept in a funny way today. I usually go to a certain spin class and I'm very much a creature of habit,

which I don't know if you are too, but sometimes that can be a rut, right? Just doing the same old thing. So today I saw there was a new instructor teaching a class that I typically don't go to, and it was going to mean I'd be able to walk to the class. And I love, first of all, I'm so grateful to live in Miami, which is the most incredible city. It's so beautiful.

You get to be out in the sun all the time and really appreciate the outdoors, which just puts me into such a great mood. But to know that I could just walk to my class today was such a blessing. And I just I love when I can walk to and just be outside. So I said, you know what, even though this isn't my teacher, right, this is going to be a new beginning. I don't know if I'm going to like the new teacher. I might not like them and that I'm going to be bad, that I miss my good teacher, right? That's why oftentimes I get in my if I'm going to like the new teacher. I might not like them, and that I'm going to be bad, that I miss my good teacher, right? That's why oftentimes I get in my routine and just stick to my routine.

But today I said, you know what, I really want to walk to the studio and I'm willing to step into the magic of new beginnings and see maybe there's something different or cool I'll learn from this class. Well, cut to it turns out, this teacher's literally the best spin teacher I've ever gone to in my life. I was blown away. I almost started crying because I was just thinking to myself during class. I am so lucky. I'm just so grateful.

I'm so full of joy in this class. I love this guy's energy. I worshiped his playlist. Like, I was so surprised in such a great way and just reminding me that we've got to welcome these new beginnings like my son we got to welcome that trip and be open to that possibility that it might be so much greater than we could have ever imagined even though on the outside it might look hard it was so much better than he ever expected and so much better than I expected just like going to spin class today. You just never know until you're willing to step into that possibility. So this week, go to a new class, try something new in different step into the magic of a new beginning and allow yourself that beautiful opportunity because it truly can be such a gift when you allow it to be.

It really was from my son and it definitely was for me today. So I'm so grateful for it. Okay, so I know, well, actually this episode, I don't know when you're listening to this, but this episode is actually coming out on Valentine's Day or is it the day after Valentine's Day? I don't know, or like right at Valentine's Day. So I want to hit you on that topic

because number one, I'm single and I know for a lot of people that are single, they feel like it's a tough holiday. So to that end and to that point, I wanted to talk about this. First of all, the most important love you're ever going to have in your life is with you. Right, and it was funny, my son and I watched

the Pamela Anderson documentry on Netflix. And at the end, my son said, mom, why do you think she gets married so much? I mean, she was married like five or six times, something crazy. And I said, I don't know why do you think she does? Because I wanted to hear what he had to say. And he said, I think she does because she doesn't really love herself. She's chasing marriages, trying to find happiness when she needs to find it within her first And I thought that was so profound and well said because

The reality is if you're not happy with you You're not gonna find the right mate. You're not gonna find the right situation because you're really gonna be looking for that happiness That you need to find within you. So that is something I'm super grateful for. And a lot of people might look at me and say 48 and single, single mom, that's so awful and tough. And oh my gosh, yeah, there are moments. It is very, very tough. And it's not always easy. However, I'm so grateful for it because I've had this time to really find so much happiness and joy in my own life that now adding somebody to it is going to be just an additional gift, but it isn't necessary. And that's, I truly think that's when you're going to find the right situations for yourself when you're already so happy in your own situation,

so happy with who you are and in love with yourself, then you can give another person love in addition to not needing to and not from a desperate standpoint, which for sure for me at different points in my life, I came at things whether because I wanted to have a baby so bad or I wanted to be buried so bad or who knows, you know, whatever things I just wasn't feeling as good about myself at those times, I definitely entered into relationships that were not right for me. So if you are single, be nice to you, be kind to you, celebrate you, and be so grateful and joyful for all that you already have, the love that you already have. I was thinking I'm so grateful for the love that I have for myself. Number one, first and foremost,

number two, I'm so grateful for the relationship I have with my son. It's incredible. He's the best kid. I know the parents' age as well, but he really is. And I have so much fun with him, and we've had such a great time together. I'm so grateful for all my friendships. I literally have the best friends in the world.

I mean, I have a crew of friends that I've grown up with my whole entire life more than 30 something years we've been together. I mean, I have a crew of friends that I've grown up with my whole entire life. More than 30 something years we've been together. And it's just, it's incredible to have friendships like that. And then I have new friendships with people I've just met in the past year or two. And I'm so grateful for those. So there's so much love all around us if we're willing to see it and willing to appreciate

it and willing to let it in. It doesn't just have to come from a romantic standpoint. I mean, listen, there's nothing. I have some friends that are in the best marriages and it's definitely what I want in my life. I look at their relationships and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is exactly what I want, right? I can't wait till that day happens that I find that right person that can, I can have a relationship like that with cut to. I also know a number of people who are very unhappy in their marriages and it's so sad and I never want that. Right, it gives you that contrast of what you want and don't want. And I see a lot of people stay in really unhappy marriages, which I think is sad, but again everyone you do you, whatever works for you,

I highly suggest not settling and staying in an unhappy relationship. However, you've got to make your decisions for yourself. You only are the one that's going to have that answer for you. But as we're here in Valentine's Week and thinking about love and relationships, I just want to touch on that that I've got friends that are married that are so, so happy and literally are married to their best friend so happy and literally are married to their best friend and love of their life. I have friends that are married that are so, so unhappy and doing everything and anything to escape their spouse. And then I have single

friends that are living their best life and love it. And I have single friends that are really sad that they haven't found the right person yet. Right? So again, I just, no matter where you are and the whole thing, go back to how can you fall in love with you? How can you take the best care of you? And I really believe when you do that, that that's how you'll start showing up as the best version of who you have the potential to be and attract that right person. So there is no need to feel bad if you're in a bad relationship,

change it, end it, right? You have opportunity to do whatever you need to do. We live in a free country. That is the beautiful thing. And if you're single and haven't found that right person, like me, then you know what? Just have faith that the right doors will close and the right ones will open.

And God's plan and turn it over, turn it over to your higher power for you. Maybe that's the universe for you. Maybe that's God. It definitely is for me. Pray for what it is that you want and ask God as the universe, ask your higher power for whatever it is that you want and be open to receiving it because you are worthy of receiving it. You deserve it and you should ask for exactly what it is that you want and be expecting that to come into your life. If you're struggling with swelling in your legs, ankles or feet, you're going to want to listen up. Forget your compression socks and water pills.

New research shows that swelling and inflammation can be resolved by upping your intake of omega-3 fatty acids from krill oil. Omega-3s improves circulation while lowering inflammation in the body, all while reducing swelling and pain. And there's no better time to try krill oil for yourself. Just go to fixswornfeet.com slash confidence to get 58% off native path and arctic grow. This krill oil is pure, effective and easily absorbed into the body and it contains a potent antioxidant which helps further reduce inflammation and swelling.

For a limited time, you can grab native path and arctic krill oil for as low as $23.00 a bottle. Just go to fixswollenfeet.com slash confidence. Say you have a business idea, but you're not sure what to do next. Don't go into debt spending four plus years on a degree, listen to the Millionaire University podcast, learn how to run a successful business and graduate rich, not broke. Trust me, you need to check out this podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is hosted by Justin and Tara rich, not broke. Trust me, you need to check out this podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is hosted by Justin and Tara Williams,

who started their business from square one and now have years of valuable experience. They hit lows and dug themselves out of debt, and wanna share the lessons they've learned with aspiring entrepreneurs. You don't need a degree to succeed. Millionaire University will teach you everything you need to know.

From specifics like how to start a software business without creating your own software, to more broad topics like 8 businesses you can start tomorrow to make 10K a month. In each episode you'll get insights from entrepreneurs and mentors who know what it takes to be successful. So don't wait! Now is the time to turn your business idea into a reality by listening to the millionaire university podcast. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Find the millionaire university on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.

All right, so that's my whole Valentine's Day because it is weird, because I don't have a boyfriend this year and so it's kind of bizarre that I'm like, who's going to get me flowers? My son better get me some. I'm going to have to give him the MX and let him go out there and get me flowers because I am a huge flower fan. But I will tell you this week, I spoke for the Miami Heat a couple of days ago and then

yesterday I flew to New York and spoke for an entrepreneurial conference. And the amount of love I got from those two events was incredible. I guess I really don't even need the flowers, right? Because I got the proverbial positive feedback flowers from all these people and the post on social media. You know, sometimes we don't realize how much of an impact each one of us can have on someone else. If someone's been good to you, if someone's done something kind for you, please pause today and go send them a note of gratitude and thanks. Maybe they are alone

on Valentine's Day. Maybe they're in a bad relationship. Maybe they'd love to hear how they have impacted your life. But taking the time to show others gratitude and love and gratefulness is Never time ill spent. It is always time well spent. So please take that time I was so grateful from both of these events the feedback that I got and the hugs and people asking me to sign their books and do a selfie with them And someone was so nervous and I said why are you nervous? They said well because I was afraid you would have you said no And I'm thinking was why would I ever say no when so all someone has this adoration and love and encouragement for you?

Why would someone ever shut that down, right? I'm so grateful for that. And so I don't know, anyone that has impacted you in a positive way, please take the time today. Reach out to them, send them a note of kindness and gratitude and let them know. It's such a beautiful thing. When I was at the heat, we did this workshop. I was actually there for a few hours. And at one point, someone stood up and just offered some really genuine

honest feedback and love on another employee. And it was incredible. I mean, it was just at a left field. It was so cool to see and the impact it had on that other person. And really everybody in the room, it just elevated the energy and everyone started sharing positive feedback with one another. And it was so cool, it was like a domino effect. So be that person that puts more joy into the world. Why not? We need it, right? And we all have the opportunity to do it at any point in time.

So if you're looking for more love in your life, be love. If you're looking for more gratitude, be grateful. And if you're looking for an answer on, if you're in the right relationship or not, ask yourself that honest question. You already have the answer for sure you do. And that was one of the things at the event

when I was in New York. I had someone during Q&A say to me that they wanted to know what I thought they should do about a problem that they had around social media and their business. And they kept saying it's very convoluted and they were describing the whole thing. And at the end of listening to this long situation which you know I'm sure seemed very convoluted. I just asked the very direct question what is your heart tell you to do.

And it was so funny the gentleman asked questions and oh right? He didn't want to hear that feedback, but immediately he had his answer and he told us immediately. And then we could hold him accountable to it. So you've got that answer inside of you. So often we want to ask everybody else on the outside what it could be instead and have someone tell us what to do because then we could blame them if it doesn't work out. But when you check in with the one voice and opinion that matters your own, and then you know it's your choice and it's your truth, that's going to be the right decision for you. You don't need to ask somebody else and it's never really convoluted.

It's crystal clear. Oh, this was something really cool that I wanted to share with you. I just learned about this last week. I need to pull this up, because I actually need to read it from the internet, because this is a doozy. But, okay, I heard about this, and I've gone down the rabbit hole on it, I'm obsessed.

So every morning when I wake up, I pray, right? I have my routine that I do every morning. I pray, then I read, sort of like I speak what I want into existence. I have a bunch of things that I read in the morning, right? I mean the whole thing takes maybe 15-20 minutes, but it's such time well spent and I do it 99.9% of the time like if I'm in another city or traveling sometimes I won't do it because I'm rushed, but I strongly suggest whatever your routine is maybe you pray at night maybe you know

whatever your routine is. Maybe you pray at night, maybe, you know, whatever your works for you, but there are taking the time to be really intentional about what you're expecting, what you're creating, what you're grateful for, like all these really important things have a very positive impact on you. Okay, so I just added another element to my routine, my morning routine that I do. And this one, it's a mouthful. Stick with me. You're gonna have to Google it too. Ho-opano-pano. I think I said that correct. It's Hawaiian. And if I didn't, oh my gosh,

please help me and tell me how I'm supposed to say it. Ho-opano-pono. Okay, that was definitely wrong. All right, but anyways, so it's Hawaiian. And it's the practice of Ho-op open no Pono is said to promote healing both on an individual and collective level and it involves four simple steps and oh my gosh this thing is so powerful I've been doing it for a week. I literally feel so much joy, so much gratitude and really what to me what it's about and I don't know, I'm not an expert this. I just started doing it, but it's about forgiving yourself, right?

And everything really starts with once you forgive yourself, then you can really forgive other people. But you're the most important person to give love to and to forgive first. And I, I've worked on forgiveness for a lot of people in my life, but not for myself. And this is a new thing for me. And it's impacting me in such a positive way and bringing me so much joy that I want you to have it. So, okay, we're gonna go through the steps right now,

strongly encourage that you give it a shot. Step one is repentance. This is super famous. This is very old, by the way, like this is not something that I crafted on my own. This is legit and definitely Google it. So you can read some of the stories are incredible of the change that has happened in a positive way, changing communities, changing prisons. I mean, it's

unbelievable. But go down the rabbit hole, it's super inspiring. It's very positive and hopefully it'll bring you a lot of joy like it did for me. When you listen to music, you have choices. All to hip hop, rock, or country. The same bring you a lot of joy like it did for me. Like jazz fusion, if that's your thing. To find your perfect corolla, visit your local Toyota dealer or Toyota.com today. Toyota, let's go places. See packages and options at Toyota.com for future availability. Okay, step one repentance, I'm sorry. That's the step. So there's four steps to this.

The first step is saying, I'm sorry, right? The first step in practicing a whole OPPONO PONO is repentance. This means that you need to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions and acknowledge any pain or hurt that you have caused to yourself or others. You can do this simply by saying, I'm sorry, out loud. It's very, very simple, but I swear it's so profound. Okay. Step two, ask forgiveness. Please forgive me. The second step is to ask for forgiveness. This means that you need to let go of any resentment or anger that you're holding on to, and ask for forgiveness from those who you have harmed. You can do this by saying,

please forgive me out loud. This is so simple and so powerful. Seriously, please try it. You need to do it seven times. If you do it seven times, you're going to feel differently. Okay. Step three, gratitude. Thank you. The third step is gratitude. This means that you need to be thankful for what you have

and express appreciation for the good in your life. You can do this by saying, thank you. Out loud. Step four, love. I love you. The fourth and final step is love. This means that you need to unconditionally love yourself and others. You can do this by saying, I love you out loud. Practicing a whole Opanopano regularly can help to cleanse and heal your subconscious mind and improve your overall happiness and well-being.

So they say that some of the benefits include release of negative emotions, such as anger, fear and resentment, hello, I'm so for that, improve relationships with yourself and others, increase sense of peace and well-being, greater clarity of thought and purpose, enhance creativity, problem solving ability. There are a lot of benefits, psychological, spiritual. I mean, it's incredible. Go down the rabbit hole, Google this, like start uncovering why this is so powerful

and some of the stories that you're gonna hear are they're incredible. So it's four simple steps. I've added this to my morning routine. I do it every day now for the last week I've been doing it and I'm telling you, I am feeling so joyful. I know part of it's because I have my sunbag for sure. But I also think this is, I think that I'm really starting to forgive myself, you know, for years of

blaming myself or not, you know, marrying the right person or not being married or, you know, for getting fired and having to go through all of those tough times and, you know, being tough on myself, not telling people that they need to respect me and treat me as I was talking about in this episode, right? I didn't always lead with saying, hey, I'm teaching you how to treat me and that's not going to work. You need to treat me better than that. Right? So I need to forgive myself for all of those not so great decisions I made when I was in not such a great space. And I'm doing that now. And I'm super proud of it. I really am. I'm so grateful actually we're talking about this on this whole Valentine's Day week because this is such a beautiful gift that you can give to yourself is the gift of forgiveness. So maybe

you didn't get the flowers this week or maybe you didn't get the flowers this week or maybe you didn't get the thing that you were hoping for, but why don't you give yourself something so much better? Why don't you give yourself the gift of forgiveness? Okay, so number one, step one, repentance. You say I'm sorry, out loud. Step two, ask forgiveness. You say please forgive me, out loud.

Step three, gratitude. You say thank you, out loud. Step three, gratitude. You say, thank you out loud. Step four, I love you. You say, I love you out loud. This is so simple, it's so powerful. Please go down the rabbit hole and start reading about what has happened for people in their life when they put this practice into their life.

And I'm just saying, I'm just giving it to you honestly. I really feel like it's made a difference in my life in one week. I don't know how I had never heard about this before or why I was working so much on forgiving a few people in my life, but I never thought about forgiving me. It's been a really powerful addition to my morning routine.

I hope that you'll add it to yours. I hope you feel love. I love you and I hope that you feel love this week today and every day because you deserve it. Welcome it into your life and I hope you most importantly, love yourself. So if you like this episode, please share it with someone who needs it.

Maybe you know, you know someone that needs to hear this episode. Please share it with them. Nobody it. Maybe you know you know someone that needs to hear this episode Please share it with them nobody succeeds alone and that includes your girl if you could please leave a review of this show It helps so much and if you like this episode post it on social media tag me. I will always repost I will always share and I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I'm gonna make a world with you. I decided to change that idea of life and the life of love. I couldn't be more insane than the world. What you're getting here is starting to learn your own growing

and inevitably something will happen. You know what? 16 is a loan. You don't stop to look around once in a while. You can miss it. I'm on this journey with me. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit.

On Young and Profiting podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-List guests on Young and Profiting. I've got the best guests. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark, Damon John, serial entrepreneur Alex and Lila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast,

and that's on purpose. Every episode is jam packed with advice that's going to push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously, which is why I'm known as the podcast princess and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcast is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you. It's an advanced show. As long as you want to learn and level up, you will be forever young. So join podcast royalty and subscribe to Young and Profiting Podcast. Or yap, like it's often called by my app fam, on Apple Spotify, Cast Box, or wherever

you listen to your podcast. Do things feel kind of off for you lately? I'm Carl from the Body App. That's B-O-D-I dot com. And here's how I get back to feeling good. First, I schedule some of our short workouts. I dial in my nutrition with our meal plans. and I listen to our positive mindset master classes. Now I want you to join me, and if you don't lose like 10 pounds and feel strong and even mentally more

healthy in a month, you don't pay. We'll even let you try it free for 14 days. Join me at Body.com. That's B-O-D-I dot com. That's B-O-D-I dot com.