Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Embrace These 10 Tips To Shift Your Mindset With Heather! Episode 328

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Have you been wanting to work with Heather? Her annual elite mastermind is open NOW!   She is only accepting 20 participants this year! Click the link below to learn more and apply now if you are ready to go to the next level! https://bit.ly/hm-cc-mastermind  In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to overcome & RELEASE your anger    Improving your mood to create a STRONG mindset   The key to resetting your day  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Visit Indeed.com/monahan to start hiring now. Go to 4Patriots.com and use code CONFIDENCE to get 10% off. Show Notes:  This episode is a reminder for myself! There are a million little things that can go wrong, but it doesn't mean we have to let things get to us or hold us back. I’ll share my 10 KEY tips for overcoming your anger, and stepping into the future with a positive and hopeful attitude. It’s time to shift our perspective, and welcome in happiness!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So you're winding down with the podcast. Sounds like you have no plans to leave the couch tonight. Nope, you just want to unzip your jeans, slip on a pair of fuzzy slippers, and rip open a bag of skinny pop popcorn. Because the only place you're going tonight is the bottom of this journey with me. Each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals. If you're coming at diversity,

it's at you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close time. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I'm recording this episode for myself. Yes, I was caught up in a bad mood and I thought it might listen. Maybe somebody else out there in the world

is having a bad mood dealing with a bad situation or having a bad day just like I was. So I thought maybe I would share with you 10 keys to improve your mindset. Maybe even your life, I don't know, but it will definitely help for sure and it just helped me and I hope it will help you. I mean, again, these are first world problems.

There's nothing going on in my life that is detrimental to my health or next level. So let me just try to keep it real here. I need to remind myself, first and foremost, these are first world problems, and I'm really lucky to have them. So that's something that I do. That's not even on my list.

I just thought of it right now. But first world problems are a blessing because they are first world. Even though they stink when you're in them, right? Like when you don't have that perspective, it's annoying. Here's an example I had this embarrassing, but usually on Sundays we order Instacart because I live in a building and getting cases of water upstairs or, you know, sparkling water or whatever

it is, anything that's in bulk, it's a lot of work, it's a pain. And so first world problem, I want to have it delivered if I can and save time so that we can do other things. So today the Instacart Order came, this is so embarrassing and it was wrong. And I was throwing a little tantrum with my son and I was so annoyed and they just said, you know what, no more Instacart, you're coming with me from now on and we're unloading the car and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm just going a Richter, basically, because the order was wrong and I was upset. I know it sounds ridiculous, I get it,

but in the moment, right, there was other things going wrong prior to that. Okay, I'm not giving myself excuses. I'm just giving you some context. So I was already having a bad day prior to that. Again, PS, this is the same day and I'm fine right now, which is also kind of funny. So no matter what kind of mood you're in right now,

know that it can change so, so quick when you choose to look at different things. So anyhow, I was having a bad day, frustrated, and then so I decided to lash out at my InstaCard order. So anyhow, I was having a bad day, frustrated, and then so I decided to lash out at my InstaCurt order. Right, like I'm putting all the anger on InstaCurt. And my son was funny. He said, Mom, what you need to do,

this is what are it started. He said, you need to message InstaCurt and tell them they didn't do a good job and let them rectify it, let them fix it. And I looked at him and I said, I'm too busy because I have too much going on. I have a lot going on today. And I say I have a lot going on today. And I don at him and I said, I am too busy because I have too much going on. I have a lot going on today. And I say I have a lot going on today.

And I don't have time to do that, which makes me even more frustrated because if I had more time, I could handle this properly. So he said, him your phone. And he took the phone and he said, I'm gonna handle it. I said, well, then don't involve me

because I don't have time. Like I was just trying to put more gasoline on every fire, right? Like just spinning everything out of control, not being helpful. He was being helpful, thankfully. It's so key that you get around calm, sane people when you're having a moment. Some lucky he was at home with me when this happened and then that he has his mind together today, because I don't or I didn't. Anyhow, so he explains me, give me your phone. I'm not going to involve you. I'm not going to bother you. I'm going to handle it myself.

And so he did. So he messaged with everything that was wrong on the order and you know that he wanted a solution. And immediately he got back an answer and they credited everything that was wrong. That was it. It probably took a total of three minutes. So a couple of minutes later, he blocks orders me and he me he says I'm not bothering you I'm not asking for help with this I'm going to show you what I did and show you what you

were just refunded. He's a can we keep using Instagram from now on? Yes we can. And it was just one of those eye opening moments that when you're spinning out of control because you're upset about different things you are not the person to handle challenges right you've got to give yourself some grace, hand it over to somebody else, and allow them to jump in or just press pause. Pressing pause is fine.

I should press pause, but I'm grateful I had my son there with me and he was able to handle that situation because that opened my eyes to, wow, this thing I was just spiraling about, acting like I'm so upset we could never use this company again, they fixed it. There was no emotion around it.

They did the right thing. And the problem's been resolved. So there's always a solution. We just have to give ourselves some space sometimes to find it or hand it to somebody else to help have them find it. Instacart found it for us. Okay. So once that happened, it kind of changed my mind set a little bit.

I realized, wait, these are first world problems. Number one, number two, they all can be fixed if I would calm down and see it that way. So that made me start thinking about my day in general. And I asked myself this question, Heather, what are you really upset about? Because the reality is I wasn't really that upset about Instacart. Had you had video though of what happened when the Instacart delivery came, you'd think I was, because I was sure acting like it was throwing a tantrum about it. But that isn't what was really bothering me. So I had to stop.

After he fixed the Instacart, he removed the problem, the problem has been resolved. Didn't go ideally, but it's been resolved, handled. There's nothing to complain about. Mistakes happen, I know that, but they fixed it. So now I can't be mad about that. I had to stop and say, what am I really mad about? So as I paused to do that, I thought about my weekend and what was bothering me and what was interesting is, I thought about my weekend and what was bothering me and what

was interesting is when I thought about my weekend, I was reminded of how many incredible things happened in my life this weekend, how many incredible people showed up in my life this weekend, how many incredible people I met for the first time this weekend, how many people who have been apart in my life for more than a decade were involved in my life this weekend and it was amazing. And I had to stop and practice gratitude for a moment and say, oh my gosh, I'm so grateful. I met that woman Friday night

and the conversation we had, and I had no idea that was happening. It just goes to show how anything unexpected could happen in any moment, and it can be amazing. And you don't know what's happening next. And for that, you should be excited for what can potentially happen next.

And then I reminded myself of a friend that came in from out of town and how I didn't know I was gonna see him and how incredible the event was with him and supporting him and then my other, like literally on and on and on. I have 10 different examples this weekend of amazing things that happen.

Most of which I didn't know a week ago were going to happen this weekend and were incredible. But I was letting the three quote unquote negative things that happened this weekend overrun all these other positive. And when I mapped it out after the InstaCurt awakening, we'll call it the InstaCurt awakening. That's good. After that awakening, when I reflected on my weekend, I realized I had way more positive experiences this weekend. There were a couple of negative things that happened, specifically one around one of my

businesses that upset me, other small ones that they don't upset me. They're just frivolous and I can deal with them next week. But one of them bothered me because it involves somebody who works with me. It involved some behavior. I didn't like it involves some things that triggered me, right? So when something triggers you or affects other people that you care about, that can hit you a little harder for me. Anyways, everyone has their own triggers, right?

But for me, that affects me in a more profound negative way. And I was really letting it direct what I was focusing on. So going through this exercise of kind of taking a step back and looking at the entire world instead of that microcosm of that moment was really helpful for me. And I realized I just had a great weekend, yet I'm sitting here in the most beautiful city in the world, looking at the water, so lucky, so blessed. Just was at church today hearing a beautiful message from my pastor.

One of my good friends came with me for the first time to my church, and I was so grateful she came with me, and she had an amazing experience, and I was so proud of her and excited. The whole thing is so good, right? Yet I was focusing on the negative. And not only was I not focusing on the real negative, I was focusing on an Instacart order, which is ridiculous.

So that's what prompted me to create this episode for you today, selfishly it's really for me, because I'm reminding myself, and then I'm gonna go replay this, I going to save this episode for me and go replay it every time my tail spin around some dumb thing that I can't control that happens, because dumb things happen in life that we can't control. And if you're anything like me every once in a while, you're going to go down the rabbit hole of obsessing about it, and then it's going to consume your day, your mind, and take you nowhere good.

So hopefully this episode will help you pull out of it. Hit the eject button and get back to all that is good in the world because there is so flipping much good in the world and what we focus on grows. National Security Experts are warning. Our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked a third time at power station in North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking our grid for vulnerabilities.

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even though behind the scenes, I wasn't realizing I was doing it, but I wasn't focusing so much good in my business, so much good in my life, so much good, oh my gosh, so much good. Oh my gosh, I'm so much good everywhere. And just even in this weekend. Okay, so here are 10 ways to improve your mindset or slash and your life. You're not going to love all of them. That's okay. And maybe you don't need all of them. But think of them as triggers that you have that you can go ahead and pull. Like, oh, hey, I'm going to pull this one and test this one. I'm going to pull this one and test this one out and see which ones work for me, which ones don't. And maybe you use them in different orders. I don't know if maybe you have some to add.

So if you do DM me, I wanna hear. Maybe I'm missing some and help assist her out, give me to me. Okay, this is a good one. And an unfaithilling, unhappy or unhealthy relationship in your life. This is really, really good. Let's use the example of the woman

that used to hate me at my old job. That's a relationship in my life. I didn't want to recognize it in that regard. Right, I just saw it as a coworker. That's not real. I worked side by side with that woman for 14 years. New, she couldn't stand me. She treated me terribly.

I knew it. I knew it was unhealthy. I never very rarely addressed it. And if it was unhealthy. I never a very rarely addressed it. And if I did, I usually didn't around about way. Never was direct about it. I was scared. However, that relationship impacted me in a very negative way in many areas of my life, not just at work. So ending and unfulfilling, unhappy or unhealthy relationship in your life, Not only does it free you from that close negativity to that person, but it affects you in so many different areas of your life,

your health, your other relationships, your attitude during the day, right? Like that woman affected me day in and day out at work, but then I would have this negative feeling outside of work too, because I started losing my hair. I started throwing my back out. And truly, for me, a lot of that began with this negativity at work, which a lot of that was a direct result

of how I let that woman treat me, right? So how did I ended that relationship 14 years ago? Probably would have never thrown my back out. Probably would have never lost the hair. Probably would have found a more inspiring career a lot sooner than I did. Take a look in your life, it's taken inventory right now,

what unfulfilling, unhappy or unhealthy relationships do you have in your life, that you could end, close a door on so that you can start opening the door to things you deserve. This will help improve your mindset and your life. And that, my friends, is a guarantee. Okay, number two, have the difficult conversation that you've been avoiding.

And this kind of goes back to number one, right? Because in that instance, had I have direct conversation with her that, hey, I'm confused, that I don't know why you've done A, B, C, and D and treat me like this, but I don't deserve it. I don't warrant, and I'm not going to tolerate it any longer. Right, just in a very straightforward fashion. Be direct, ask for what you need,

describe what you will no longer tolerate, create boundaries, and pull the trigger, but stop avoiding it. And again, I'm using myself as an example. I've done it too, right? I'm not saying you're any difference that I am. I'm saying most of us are in this boat together. And a lot of people are saying, yeah, but that person is my spouse or my parent or my

sibling or my child or, you know, someone too close, I can't do it. That's even indicative that you need to do it that much more because that person impacts your life that much more. So have the difficult conversation. You've been avoiding. I know it's scary, but it is worth it. It's going to change your mindset and it's going to change your life for the better. Okay, number three, speak up for yourself, advocate for yourself, to be who you are and get

what you want. This one's interesting. To me, a lot of this comes from a place of confidence, right? When you're more confident in yourself and some of this starts with getting rid of negative people in your life, ending unhealthy relationships, having the difficult conversations, this sets you up to better speak up for yourself and advocate for what you want in your life. So the more confident you are, the easier this is, but can still do it when you're not confident because it will build confidence within you.

You could be in a meeting and you're sitting on your ideas because you're afraid that other people are gonna judge you or put you down, take the risk, right? This number three, speak up for yourself, is really, really important. It's not about the outcome. It's not about if you get the yes or what you want to have happen as a result of it. It's about the act of doing the act of putting yourself first,

the act of saying you're worth it, the act of you saying to you, I'm more speaking up and taking this risk, regardless of the outcome. Raise your hand, make the ask, you are worth it. Number four, so many people aren't going to like this one, exercise. Legit, I mean, this is my go-to, it's crazy. I actually have not worked out this weekend, which never happens in my life, ever. Literally like 99% of weekends I work out. I am, I haven't so busy this weekend. It's insane. That's part of my, you know,

crime, you're a river, poor me. Thing that I was doing earlier with Instacart today I felt all upset because I haven't been able to work out. I've been so busy, but all the things I was busy with were incredible. You know, every once in a while, if I'm not to work out. I've been so busy, but all the things I was busy with were incredible. You know, every once in a while, if I'm not going to work out, I'm going to live. However, I'm sure I would have handled things better this weekend had I been working out.

And this was just a good reminder for me. I should have found a way to get my run in. I should have just woken up earlier, right? I just should have figured it out because had I done that, I would have approached my problems with a better mindset, I would have worked out problems. I'm sometimes my most creative and best at problem solving when I'm running, or spinning, or whatever it is that you do. Sometimes my best ideas come to me. Give yourself that chance. Don't cut the thing that's important for your mental state, especially when you need it, right?

I did that today. Er, error, error, monohan number 882. Okay, number five. A lot of people aren't gonna like this one. I don't always like this one, meditate. I look across my life. I like to, do you ever do this, like, try to rise up above your life and say,

like, at what points in your life where things going great and like, what was I doing to create that environment and that life? Live a life by design, not by default, right? So look at your life and say, what times was it going incredible? What times was it not? And what were the things I was doing or not doing

that impacted it in that regard? And I'll tell you, every time I look back across my life, I've had a window where I meditate and windows where I don't, meditation was playing a role in my life, and at some point it was helping me get rid of problems, get a clear mind, which helped me sleep better, which helped me process anger and issues better. We're all gonna have challenges, right?

It's about how we choose to approach them. Meditation is gonna help you find solutions. Meditation is gonna help you find peace, calmness, and a connection to something much greater than you that will offer you solutions, creativity, and ideas. That, I know, for sure. And yes, yet again, I haven't done that all week and either. Shocker? No, not shocker. Number six, a spiritual connection.

For me, that's going to church. Went to church today. It helped immensely, incredible. Praying for some people is just that spiritual connection. There's so much research that shows prayer works. Don't think of this as something that's elusive or woo-woo. There's research to show the stuff works, right? So whether it's reading a Bible, whether it's listening to worship music,

which I love, I'm obsessed with worship music these days, whether it's reading positive messages from different books around religion or spiritual nature, spiritual teachings, there's so much. It doesn't just have to be Christian or it can be whatever connects with you, but understanding there's something so much greater

than all of us out there. And when you surrender to that power and ask for guidance, ask for answers, ask for signs, I do it every single day. God, please close the doors on that, which is no longer meant for me. Please open the door to that, which is Lord, please show me the signs, the inspired thought, and I receive your blessings today and every day with so much gratitude. Whatever it is for you, prayer or anything, going to church, meeting with people in community around religion, spiritual nature, I don't know. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be labeled the way I do it, but find some type of practice. This will help you immensely. You should know what that means already. That's the best kind of notification. That's the sound of another sale on Shopify,

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Another friend of mine said, you've got to meet this woman, she just moved from New York, you're going to love her. And I was apprehensive to go because I don't have a lot of time. I have a child. I'm like, oh gosh, why am I doing this? But you know what I trust my friend? She asked me to do it. I went not really excited about it.

I met the greatest woman and I love that we hit it it off instantly and I got a new bro in my field. Like I'm so excited about our friendship. I'm so excited about her life. She was telling me so many great things about what she's up to. I left this random meeting slash dinner with a new friend and someone that I don't know what the future holds for her and I, but I can tell it's gonna be great. I'm super excited. So,

spend time with people that uplift you. This weekend, I spent time with a number of people that I've known for years that uplift me as well. It wasn't just that woman, you know, which happened by an introduction through another woman, but really about, you know, picking and curating the people you're spending time with. And then noticing good people introduce you to good people. Take the chance, make the time. Go meet the people they want you to meet. I went to another event this weekend that one of my friends, friend was hosting.

I didn't know the woman hosting it, but my friend wanted me to go because she was going. And I met great people and was a part of something so positive and felt really grateful for it. So make time for friends that uplift you and fire the ones that don't. Okay, number eight, quit the job that drains you. This is huge. Most of us spend more time working than we do doing anything else.

If you're not doing purpose driven work that fulfills you, that excites you. And again, I'm not saying everyone has to have a job that is around charity, or I'm not seeing that I'm all about living in a capitalist country and making money, love making money, love it, love creating value, and love monetizing it. However, something much different to work in an environment where you leave feeling drained every day,

to work with people who don't have your back, to work with people that sabotage you, to do work that isn't rewarding. That's soul crushing and there's no space for that in my life. So I hope you feel that same way that you're worth more than that. And yes, I know it can feel scary, but quit the job that drains you. Quit the job that isn't filling you up. You're spending way too much of your life there. And that's something on your deathbed, you will regret. Pull the trigger. This is your reminder. This week is the week.

Quit. Okay, number nine, take a step back from it in practice gratitude. Oh, okay, I wrote this one. I was all irritated earlier. So basic thing, we talk about it every day, practice gratitude. What are you grateful for? I was focusing on, I'm just using myself as an example, I was focusing on the screwed up InstaCard order. That was consuming my mind. Yeah, I know it's embarrassing. That's me Heather embarrassing at times, but it was consuming my mind instead of focusing on the InstaCard order. I needed to step back and focus on all the amazing things that had just happened since from Friday to Sunday this week, this weekend. There was so much, 90% of it was amazing, and I was focusing on the 10% that stunk. So, lift your head up, focus on and make a list of everything that you can be grateful for right now, or just this weekend, or this week, or this month this year or whatever, but realize there's so much more good and the more we focus on the good we feed the good we grow the good in our life.

And that's something you have total control over. Number 10, be open to the idea that you don't have all the answers or know what's about to happen next. And this is something I'm reminded of all the time. Listen, the best is yet to come. The more we embrace that and let go of this idea that I'm dealing with so many problems, this is so awful.

Okay, that's the moment that you might be in right there. But we don't really have all the answers to what's coming next. We don't have any idea. And I'm reminded about that this weekend. I didn't know I was gonna meet that girl five days ago. That I was gonna have this amazing night with her and hang out with her and have a whole new friendship because of it.

I don't know what new doors that relationship is going to open in my life, but I'm super excited to see. And the more we embrace that unknown and start getting excited about it, the more positive occurrences we are going to draw to us, the more positive people we're going to draw to us, and the more we cut the negative people out, the more space we make for positive occurrences to come. So be open to the idea. You don't have all the answers and that's okay. You also don't know what's about to happen next. And that, my friends, is really exciting. Okay, I'm gonna leave you with one bonus note because a good friend of mine's in town.

He was giving a speech. I'm actually having dinner with him tonight. Incredible human Tim's story. He wrote a book about the Miracle Mindset. He was giving a speech the other day that I attended about adopting a Miracle Mindset. And I'm going to give you the crux of it. You know, what you expect is what you're allowing for in your life. So his concept and his theory is all around. Of course, miracles are coming,

why wouldn't they be? They're coming next. They're coming today. They're coming tomorrow and I'm so excited to receive them. And when you start approaching life that way, you start owning a miracle mentality. You start receiving miracles. I've seen it happen in my own life. I'm so excited to have dinner with him to make because he's always talking about these new miracles that are happening for him and happening in his life around him and embracing it and expecting it and allowing it and being around people like that with that mindset is bringing so much more positivity into my life.

So yes, I had moments today where I was really down and being negative and I was saying I was having a bad day, but the reality was I had a bad moment. They were all resolved rather quickly. Nothing really big changed in my environment or in my life. It was more about my mindset and what I chose to focus on. You know that fresh produce is the best produce.

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Why not? Start receiving them. The more you expect them, the more you allow for them, the more you will be receiving them. And realize, no matter what challenge you're facing today, we've got at least 10 different ways for you to tackle them, change them. Change your situation, change your mindset, and change your life. Until next week, keep creating confidence. No one seeks a loan. You don't stop and look around once in a while.

You can miss it. I'm on this journey with me. I hope you're enjoying this episode so far. I'm Jennifer Cohen, host the top ranking business and entrepreneur podcast, Habits and Hustle, apart the YAP media network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network.

So most people live the life they get and not the life they want. And I'm here to change all that. My goal with each episode is to give you the habits and hustle tips you need to show up to your life better, bigger, and bolder. Tune in now, and I'll not only help you answer the questions like, what do you want most in life and why don't you have it, but we'll also help you make it a reality. I also picked the brains of top thought leaders on how they've gone to the top and the

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