Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Lauren Handel Zander of Handel Group: How Falling In Love With Yourself Is The Key To Living Your Dreams Episode 50
Episode Date: April 14, 2020How do we begin to flip the switch from the tendency to thinking negatively and focus on what is standing in our way to thinking as vehemently about reaching our full potential? Lauren Handel Zander s...hares her process in how she developed a language for dreaming big: what she calls “an archetype of engaging yourself to find your higher self”. About the Guest: Lauren Handel Zander is the Co-Founder and Chairwoman of Handel Group®, an executive life coaching company. Her coaching methodology, The Handel Method®, is taught in over 50 universities and institutes of learning around the world, including MIT, Stanford Graduate School of Business, NYU, and the New York City Public School System. Lauren is also the creator of Inner.U: Learn to Human BetterⓇ the online coaching course that teaches the entirety of The Handel Method, which has been used by dozens of celebrities, CEOs, and entrepreneurs since 2004, and she is the author of Maybe It’s You (Published by Hachette Book Group, April 2017), a no-nonsense, practical manual that helps readers figure out not just what they want out of life, but how to actually get there. She has spent over 20 years coaching thousands of private and corporate clients, including executives at Live Nation, Ticketmaster, Vogue, Warner Bros Records, BASF, and Sequoia. Lauren has been a featured expert in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, Women’s Health, Dr. Oz, and Marie Claire and she is a regular contributor to Businessweek and the Huffington Post. More From Lauren Handel Zander: website: https://www.inneru.coach Get Inner.U Life for just $325 use code Creatingconfidence75 Finding Lauren Handel Zander: Instagram: @laurenzander_coach Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you! My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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I'm on this journey with me.
Each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals.
Overcome adversity and set you up for better tomorrow.
I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here with me again today in quarantine,
which is so unbelievably crazy.
I hope that you are hanging in there.
One of the things that I figured out this week
is I'm so lucky to have a beautiful view.
I can see the ocean from my window, and it's really beautiful.
And I actually heard some science that looking
at a beautiful image, beautiful landscape,
and or beautiful view is very helpful to healing the body,
keeping yourself calm.
So if you do not have a beautiful view,
I suggest looking at a picture of one
and putting a picture somewhere that you can see
it readily that can help you to stay calm and centered and focused on positive things
because the world around us is spinning so crazy with so much negativity that it's easy
to get caught up in it.
And I actually had a phone call with a friend this morning who was saying, oh, I just,
I don't know why I'm feeling so anxious.
I was so stressed out yesterday.
It's so obvious that we all are having these highs and lows as we're in quarantine,
not knowing what's happening,
16 plus million people losing their job, businesses closing,
people dying, people sick, people wondering if they're going to get sick, and there's so much fear and unknown out there.
It's triggering a lot of us when we least expect it. And I actually, I have my own example for you of that this week.
As you know, if you've been listening to a show, I got fired a little over two years ago and self-published my first book and
then started my speaking career and then launched my podcast. And my speaking business really
started taking off in the past six months. And I had some major wins literally five weeks
ago right before coronavirus hit. And I just saw this trajectory about to explode. I was booked for a huge event in New York in September, which has since been canceled
and had a lot of momentum going into 2020 and first quarter of 2020.
So it was really exciting.
I had a lot to learn in regards to who I was supposed to be working with, getting my reviews
and recommend doing all the leg work that you have to do in a new business,
to make a name for yourself, become reputable,
become credible, all this crap I had already done
in corporate America for 20 plus years
when I was in media.
I was starting over as a rookie.
Well, basically, what's happened with the speaking business
as with many businesses is it's been leveled.
It's basically game over
for this year. So my number one revenue driver has disappeared. And to say that that's heart
breaking and upsetting is an understatement, but I know it's one that a lot of us are all
in together right now. Anyone in the events business is feeling the same pain that I am.
Anyone in the speaking business is feeling the same pain that I am. Anyone who's speaking business is feeling the same pain.
I am in so many other industries, restaurants, bars, all closed down, businesses closing
their doors.
Again, I know I'm not alone.
You are not alone if you're struggling right now financially, mentally on how do we
wrap our heads around this and pivot.
The other day, this week, actually, I just had a moment, a major little mental breakdown,
pity party for myself, which is fine.
I think it's fine for all of us to feel that way once in a while,
but just don't beat yourself up when you do,
and you don't need to feel confused about it either,
because I certainly didn't.
I knew why it was upset.
I know that this stinks and it's frustrating.
However, what I wanted to share is this.
I was having a little pity party for myself
because two and a half years ago, I got fired
and I felt so similar to how I feel right now, right?
Standing on the cusp of something
that we don't have figured out,
that I don't know how it's gonna go.
I don't have the answers.
I'm moving into unknown, uncharted waters. And I'm
yet again, a rookie trying to build something new that I don't have credibility and that I don't
have experience in. And it stinks and it's scary and it's hard. And I know the past, you know,
two years have been really hard while they've been great and exciting. And I'm grateful for them.
They've been really hard like seven days a week working hard,
and not always having things go the way I'd hoped,
or trying to build businesses that I've failed,
my clothing, there's so many different things,
partnerships I've worked on that have fallen apart,
and just realizing this week that I'm back
at square one again in many regards. I really built my business up in a speaking end to something that was substantial, sustainable, positive,
and I felt really confident in it for weeks ago, five weeks ago, when coronavirus hit,
and now to know, I've spoken to so many people, so many of my agents that I work with,
and so many of my peers in the speaking business and everyone has agreed
basically 2020 is done and essentially everything is canceled.
So knowing that, listen, things could change again tomorrow
as we've all seen with coronavirus, things can change so quickly
that I don't want to say it's a definite but it certainly looks
as though most events are getting rescheduled for 2021.
So revenue for 2020 will be postponed until next year. Now that I know that, okay,
I'm back at Square One and I have to say how can I pivot my business? So one of
the things I've been noticing and I want you to notice too are these little
micro trends that we're starting to see and for me those micro trends could
become macro trends.
We don't know where things will go yet and I'm being told a lot of different things.
So some people are using the example of the roaring 20s.
You know, after the Spanish flu, the roaring 20s happened and people came back with the
bang celebrating bucket list items and vacations and partying and, you know, the world was on
fire.
Others are anticipating the next great depression
and people out of work and negativity
and ultimately depression, anxiety, et cetera.
So these are very two completely different potentials,
both have the potential to happen.
We don't know what the future holds,
but how do we survive and thrive within either one of these complex situations?
So, I've been thinking a lot about that, and one of the micro trends I'm noticing in my
small world, which I don't want to stay too stuck in, I don't want you to be too stuck in
your small world either.
It's important we pick our heads up and see what's going on outside of our businesses,
as I'm noticing I am being asked virtually every day
to play a role to be a speaker in a virtual conference
in these virtual events.
So at first I was thinking,
that's a complete waste of time,
I want nothing to do with it,
and I will just hold out for my live events.
Well, I've since over the past couple of weeks changed my mind.
I'm actually doing a virtual event today
on a platform called Loom, which I've never used before. over the past couple of weeks changed my mind. I'm actually doing a virtual event today
on a platform called Loom,
which I've never used before.
And I'm immersing myself in this new virtual event world
that I know nothing about have never hosted one
and am now only being a speaker
at different Zoom events, LinkedIn, live events,
Instagram, live Facebook live, but now going the next level to get into some of these bigger platforms, bigger virtual event
platforms. Well, the reason why I was being asked by many people to do these small things,
I was ignoring it. Then I did a LinkedIn live the other day with someone who's in Italy who's
working with the venture capitalists who is working with
$20 million to really blow up the virtual platform business and reinvent how it's being
done.
I also have been contacted by a couple of people simultaneously on LinkedIn talking to
me about how I as a speaker can create some unique value by doing these virtual events differently and making it more like a real event where you're walking around, you know, videographer, etc.
So I start imagining what could this look like and thinking about different and better ways to do it as we're all trying to imagine different and better ways to do things online. So I realize, okay, I've got to really immerse myself in this if I want to understand it, which means I need to learn
a new business.
I don't know anyone in the virtual event space.
I don't have any experience with virtual events
and or the platforms.
And suddenly I need to find out, should I be the one hosting
these events so that I can charge and direct it
and be in charge of it and then invite people to my events
or is my time better spent just being paid to show up and what do I charge to show up and should I be an affiliate partner and affiliate
partnerships on virtual events and or selling products is a very viable revenue stream if you're not you know jumping into that portion of the
business yet I suggest you look at it. I mean you you can sell different products and be paid commissions. This way, you can for me as a
speaker promote events to sell tickets for events, and I can get a commission on that,
and or you can be paid to show up, attend, and be showcased as a speaker at these different
things. So a lot to learn to understand. And I was sitting on my couch the other day,
actually getting ready for the event that I'm doing today on loom. And I'm downloading yet again a new app,
a new event platform app. And I'm doing a tutorial on how to utilize loom. And I start
realizing, oh my gosh, I'm a rookie again. I'm a beginner again. And I just started crying
and thinking, I worked so hard the past two years
to develop my credibility, perfect my speeches,
and really start killing it in that business.
And I was taking off like a rocket ship and it crashed.
So here I am at the beginning again,
just like you were reinventing ourselves.
We've got to take a step back and learn first,
immerse ourselves in the education and find out what is
that right strategy for me? Should I be the one hosting? Which platform should I use? Which opportunity
is the most viable for a revenue stream? How can I differentiate myself, offer more value,
and be better than the next guy or girl? And how do I pivot my speeches for what used to work when I
was on a stage in real life,
how can I make it more vibrant, more compelling, more engaging now that I'm not in real life
and I'm doing it virtually?
There's got to be something different and better I can do for this venue through the computer.
So I'm trying to figure that out now.
I've been reading, doing tutorials, and it's frustrating.
It just reminded me so much of being fired and how frustrated
I was trying to learn the speaking business and find out who higher speakers and then find out,
you know, what is the right length of the key note and what are the key talking points? You know,
all this work that I did over the past couple years to know now there's got to be a different
and better way to do it to connect through on the virtual platform.
So I'm right there with you.
If you're pivoting, if you're starting over,
if you're frustrated, if you're feeling anxious,
if you're feeling down, I am so there with you,
you are not alone, and you don't need to wonder
why some days you get anxious or can't fall
asleep or start feeling scared, frustrated and angry because I'm feeling that
same way in moments too. And today I'm feeling better because I'm actually doing
my first loom so that's progress. Don't know how good it will be but I'm doing it
for someone else this time. So I'm learning I'm a first time virtual event keynote speaker
today, which okay, we're gonna add that one to the resume along with worked from home during
a pandemic, which I never thought I'd see. So don't get too frustrated with yourself,
have some compassion and empathy and realize we are all struggling with this stuff, starting
over can be tough, but it also means that when you are in uncertain times,
anything is possible, anything challenging,
and anything great.
So who knows, maybe I'm gonna find out,
I'm way better on my virtual events
because of some amazing pivot and idea I come up with
that can change the way that events happen and connect with people,
and that's the optimism that I'm looking for, that I'm moving forward with forward with and I'm open to and I'm just putting it out to the universe that I'm going to come up with something unique and different that nobody's ever seen that is going to be mind blowing.
And then I actually someone reached out to me last weekend said, hey, we, this is someone who had hired me to speak at a live event in Philadelphia. And now this person was reaching out to me to say, hey, obviously our event is canceled.
However, we would like to do an online event.
What do you charge for virtual events, Heather?
Now listen, we all know that a virtual event where you don't have to get on a plane, right?
You don't have to have the upheaval of your personal life.
You don't have to spend a night away in a hotel.
It's going to be less money.
But I don't know how much less because I'm new to this business, right?
I'm a rookie and I reach out to a few people and no one could advise me because they hadn't
done virtual events yet either.
So I don't have that pay structure, that rate card yet.
And so I essentially just said to my client, listen, I don't know what to tell you to pay
me. Why don't you pay to tell you to pay me.
Why don't you pay me what you think is fair?
I will say this.
It is less than what I was charging you to be face-to-face with you because I don't have
to travel.
I don't have to spend a night away from my son.
I want you to take that into consideration, but whatever you feel is fair, I'm happy to
do it for.
Now, this again is my learning curve.
Fast forward to yesterday
I was on the phone with a friend in the speaking business and he actually told me to set a rate
which was a reduced rate for my in-person speaker fee and instead guarantee a money back
guarantee on results that they will love my speaking virtually. And I like that idea because
I feel 100% confident in my ability to speak so I know I'll do a great job for anyone.
I just need to determine what that dollar amount is and then offer a money back guarantee.
Why wouldn't people say yes?
So think about that with your business as you pivot and move things online and are changing
and trying things for the first time.
If you give a money back guarantee, it's pretty hard to say no.
So hoping that you are feeling good, pivoting
your business and taking those first steps forward into that unknown with me because we are all
in this together. And I am so excited for you to meet my guest today and gain some insights into
how to position yourself the best way you can for success. I was really touched by this conversation,
and I hope you will too.
So, whole type, we're gonna be right back.
We need a different guest each week.
What's up, I'm the chair!
I'm all the crew.
Hi, and welcome back.
I'm so excited for you to meet my guest today.
Lauren Zander is the co-founder and chairwoman
of Handel Group, an executive life coaching company.
Her coaching methodology, the Handel Method,
is taught in over 50 universities and institutes
of learning around the world, including MIT,
Stanford Graduate School of Business, NYU,
and the New York City public school system, Holy Cow.
Lauren is also the creator of Inner You, Learn to Human Better.
That's an interesting concept. The online coaching course that teaches the entirety of the
Handel method, which has been used by dozens of celebrities, CEOs and entrepreneurs since 2004.
And she's the author of Maybe It's You, a no-nonsense practical manual that helps readers figure out
not just what they want out of life, but how to actually get there.
She spent over 20 years coaching thousands of private and corporate clients, including executives
at Live Nation, Ticketmaster, Vogue, Warner Brothers.
Oh my gosh.
Lauren's been featured as an expert in the New York Times, BBC, Forbes, Women's Health,
Doctor Oz, and the list goes on and on.
Lauren, thank you so much for being here today.
Oh my God, I love it.
I'm very happy to be here.
I really am.
Well, thank you.
All right, so there's so much to get into right now,
but where I really want to start,
and as I mentioned to you, a lot of my people
are entrepreneurs and or in corporate America
and looking for like, what is that next move?
How do they get ahead? Can you give us your story?
You know, you've achieved massive success.
But as you said, it's 20 years in the making.
How did this all come to be?
So once a kind of time I was an environmental studies major,
like I knew global warming was coming in the 90s.
Right, like I knew.
And I studied and got a BS in environmental studies,
and went to work with the United Nations Global Environment
Facility.
Like so ambitious and in love with making change
has been very me since I was a wee little girl, right?
And got that job, hated the job.
Hey, I mean, I can't describe how uncomfortable
and unhappy I was when I like achieved success
and found out I was an idiot.
So imagine that happened at around 22.
And then I needed to figure out,
well, what do I really care about?
And it was ridiculous.
It like, lifeboat goes off.
And I was like, oh, I used to be saved the trees, kill the people.
Right. The people are not saving my trees, make sense? Right. Like, and then the
insight at 22 was like, oh, it's not the trees that need to change. It's the
people that don't see the trees. It's the it's like humanity. Like, oh my God,
see the trees, it's like humanity. Like, oh my God, I'm working in the wrong sphere, like entirely. And if you actually watch my whole life, it wasn't like, I didn't goddamn
love people or have my best friend. Like, it wasn't like I wasn't loving humans.
I was just mad at the world. And then when I made that big shift, my life took off from there.
Right. Like, so everything changed when I figured out that my true calling was to change something
that mattered to me to my core.
So you're like, how did you figure that out?
Because that's one of the questions people ask me a lot.
I got fired, which truly was the catalyst for me to figure out to do something differently.
What was that one pivotal moment for you? When I really figured out,
it's what do I want to do?
In that time in my life,
I was chasing like,
I'll do the hard work.
Right? Like, who even cares if I like the subject really?
Or if I'm even good at it,
or if it even turns me on,
that I'm reading the magazines
that I'm studying the ship. Right, like studying the ship, right?
Like I didn't quite get that the thing to follow most is what you love the most and what you want to
do like every minute of the day. And so everyone inside themselves right now, if I said, I'm sorry,
you're gonna have to work 10 hour dance, it's true. But make me a list of the only shit you want to do, like your favorite. People don't look for
that. They look for, well, if I do this, I'll get to there, I'll
get to there, I'll get to there, I'll get to that, like so in
order to, and then they separate out, it's about money, I need to
make money, I want to have kids, I want to, like so the logic
that's deploying a human to figure out first, second,
third, fourth doesn't come from the heart first, it comes from the head. And the head is like
the computer that gets you everything. It's the bank, it's the resume, it's the like, okay,
but the heart is like, what do you love? What do you love to do?
Right?
So if you go learn, do you love to talk to people,
find out their story, find out how to make them make changes?
Like, is that your love?
Yeah.
Like Lauren, can someone call you at three in the morning
and you still want to hear the damn story?
I'm like, what happens?
People have a head, they have a heart,
and they have a who-ha.
Okay?
Head is resume bank money, what matters.
And I love a head.
Right.
I didn't say don't have a head.
Heart is meaningful.
Love it.
It's a pleasure.
It never gets old.
Right.
It means something to you.
Who-ha is your, when it's not sex, it's your cool.
Right.
This is so cool.
Right.
It's more like where your ego ends up and it's clapping for you. It's not cool, right? This is so cool, right? It's more like where your ego ends up
and it's clapping for you.
It's not that important, but head gets 100%.
Heart gets 100%.
Huha gets 100%.
And most people don't know their head fully,
heart fully, Huha fully.
And they fight, and then the world really thinks
it's 100% for your head, your heart, and your hoo-ha.
Not 300%. Does that make sense?
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Yeah, and you've talked a lot about people
just not even being awake to even thinking about this.
They never stop to sit down and fall in love with themselves
and really go, I have the answers versus,
let me see how to fix this.
Let me see what to do next.
We're brilliant strategists.
See heads when most awards, right?
So when a person who goes into their job right now,
if you ask yourself, head, is it happy?
Heart, is it happy?
Who-ha, is it happy?
You'll find out it's two out of three.
It's a little lame.
It really is out of 100% from all three.
Like no one's really happy.
And so the real answer is to like,
can we take a time now?
And can you just stop around the now?
And can you tell me your head's greatest dream,
your heart's greatest dream,
and what would make your who had that?
Happy I asked.
And separated out, don't worry about hypocrisy.
Don't worry that you don't think you can get there.
Don't worry that your head says, shut up heart. Right? Like don't don't go into the fight.
Really just start to see what matters most. This also works in people's love lives. 100%.
I actually invented it for love life and figured out it was the damn same thing for all areas of life. What you reminded me of for my life is back when I was in
corporate America, I was at I was either the BPSA's or chief
revenue officer at the time, you know, on the external, I
had succeeded making a lot of money. You know, I had to
hit smash the glass of healing. I was really in my mind
killing it. And I'll never forget I sat down with a mentor of
mine, an older gentleman who's a vendor of mine.
I was going to see him for work.
We were in New York and he said,
hey, I need you to do something for me.
I said, sure, what is it?
And he said, I need you to pick your head up
and I want you to look around beyond where you're looking.
Look outside of this industry,
look beyond this year and today and your goals.
And I want you to tell me, where do you really want to go
with your life because you're not living up to your potential. And I'll never forget, no one had ever spoken
to me like that before. And I didn't even understand. So I know some people are listening right now.
They still maybe don't even get this yet because you're so in the grind, you're freaking out
about the virus. You're freaking about out about paying your bills. So you're not even thinking
about it. And I was completely not awake.
And when he challenged me to do that,
I defended myself.
I got angry with him.
I said, you don't understand.
I'm a single mother.
And I have bills to me.
And I don't know what you're talking about.
Why you would say this to me.
I was angry at him.
However, it took me years.
And I didn't have your plan and your method then.
So which is unfortunate, because it took me a long time from that conversation. It wasn't like he handed me a playbook, but what he did do was he
opened my mind to what if there is more. And that took me down a road where ultimately I did pick my
head up. And then I decided, okay, if there's something that I want to pursue but I don't know what
it is, what's the next step? And I started talking to people in my life something that I wanna pursue but I don't know what it is, what's the next step?
And I started talking to people in my life slowly
that I trusted and I'll never forget one day,
I had a friend that said to me,
you need to do something that makes you incredibly uncomfortable.
That's gonna set you down a new path.
And I said, okay, well, what makes you uncomfortable?
He said, go take a comedy, a stand-up comedy class.
I said, I'm not gonna do that.
That's ridiculous.
And he said, look at your visceral reaction, you're angry about it. I said, I'm not gonna do that. That's ridiculous. And he said, look at your visceral reaction.
You're angry about it.
I said, yeah, because it's stupid.
He said, then that's your answer.
Go take the class.
So I took the stupid stand-up comedy class
that I didn't wanna take.
And it was so funny because that led me down this path
of noticing that it was really easy for me
to stand on stage and speak.
From there I started getting involved in charity. there. I started speaking at charity events from there
I started I'm seeing charity events then I started seeing wow the speaking thing comes really easy to me
Helping other people is really important to me. Wow. This is something I want to spend more time outside of work
Because my work doesn't cater to any of this stuff and then suddenly you know
I was leading these two different lives,
filling purpose and passion at night,
and on the weekends with the joy
that I was involved in, getting the paycheck during the day,
and thinking never the two could meet
until ultimately I got fired.
So I know there's so many people out there right now
saying, what is that blueprint?
How can we accelerate from the moment of, hang on,
okay, I get it, there's more to this, I need to pursue my heart and my passion and get these things
all to come together, but they don't know how to make that happen. How do they do that?
Where I developed, my method was actually on graduate students for five years at MIT, okay,
because I didn't want to be some weirdo unicorn that was just special and I could rock one person,
like I had it versus there was a, it, a method, something,
right?
So I went crazy on learning to transfer it into something
that I didn't need to be there for.
And so all I care about is process, right?
I'm a process jumpy. And so imagine that.
So I have been developing a step by step process, which is I break life out into 12 different areas.
Like my basics are this. I make people dream in all 12 because most people hide in two areas or over achieve in two areas and don't even remember, like what?
12 areas of life, right?
Fuck that.
Life is expansive and we're here to dream
even though there's no language for dreaming, right?
There's no structure for doing your own damn homework
to connect to your own heart and soul, right?
That's not what they're teaching.
They're teaching Christopher Columbus, Don't blame them, right?
But for God damn sake, let me develop a language that calls me out and calls you out and let me practice it on all the little human
guinea pigs that I did at Stanford like at it and get to the smartest humans who will fight me if it is an epic, right?
So that's what I did. And so really what I do and my process is like
an archetype of engaging yourself to find your high yourself. So first I make you dream,
then I make you rate your dream against your current life. If you go through my program,
we'll find out most people suck at dreaming. I mean like don't even, if I say please tell me why
you can't have your dream. Prolic! I can't you have the love of your life, the sex you always wanted, the money you always
wanted and you're like, I'll tell you why. Right? So people are prolific about what's in their way
and they never figure out they are not prolific about what they want. Right? Like we don't even
dream. Not because we can't, but because and then see science, 80% of our thoughts,
over 80% of our thoughts are negative.
Wow.
It gets worse.
Wait, wait till thence one comes to our thyroid
and repeating from the day before.
Now, everyone goes, what do you mean repeating
from the day before?
I'm like, you know how you have road rage?
I'm joking, everyone, but road rage.
Like, you're yelling at 80, it's every day. And, but road rage. Like you're yelling at idiots every day.
And you're like, as if you're yelling at new idiots every day,
versus you yell at people on the road every day.
Does that make you feel good?
Is that fun for you?
Right?
And maybe it's you.
There becomes my one line.
Right?
So it's like literally going through my process.
And the process has one next after
the end.
I teach you a concept and then I tell you what the process is.
I give you damn examples and I make you do it, right?
And you're like, who have you done this to?
And I'm like, every damn CEO I sit with and trust me, you know who they are, right?
Actors.
And then 13 year olds can do this. There's just no
language for it. It does. But these are the things like you said that aren't being taught in
school, well, you know, now to the schools that you're actually working with. But we wish that
they were being taught to my 12 year old. I want him to have access this to begin thinking a
different way. It shouldn't have taken me to be 40 years old, just even start having these thoughts or conversation.
And I, I'm around my friends who are incredibly successful
on paper and always asking me,
hey, how did you, you know, how did you start doing something
that you really love?
Wasn't it so scary?
How do you break through that fear?
And for me, fear has been one of my biggest holdbacks.
Is that what you see
with a lot of the people that you work with? Why they aren't dreaming?
So fear. So first of all, if you go, what do you really make people figure out? I really make
people figure out their inner dialogue. Like I really get you to hear yourself and then by the time
you really hear yourself and understand one of the main things I find after you, like I make people do their homework. Imagine that you write your dream for love and
you haven't gotten laid in six months because you just got to work like and you're hated,
like whatever it is. Or your business is tanking or you want to leave your business,
that's right. What happens is you have this dream but you've never really, really, really written
it out, like clearly. And then I ask you to rate your life
against that dream and you give yourself a four.
Cause that's fair, right?
And then I go, tell me, now, right,
what you think is between you and a 9, 10 in that area.
And tell me what you think is stopping you,
what you think about the world,
what you think about everything that explains
why you can't have that dream.
And what happens is the individual really writes their fears deeply explains because it's
the inner dialogue and another language, piece of language I have is we're all bunch
of double agents fighting between what we wish was true and what we think we can never
have. between what we wish was true and what we think we can never have, except if you go, I'm going to have this like you have, right?
So if you go, I want to run a marathon.
You have a real problem because guess who has to get out of bed early and go for a run.
So then there's this double issue, which is,
we're a little lazy and believe in fear,
so we don't have to get up at 6am,
right? And you're like, really? Humans don't want to do the dream? Yeah, no, we don't, like,
if we name the dream, you have to do it for real, right? So then you have to go online
dating. You have to go talk to your boss about that. Right? Like, the minute you start to
dream, literally, you're kicking fears ass from that moment forward. Like there's nothing else but fear, negative thinking.
What you go, what's that 80% negative thoughts?
It's fear based, not maybe.
So when you bring up the idea of running a marathon,
the first thing that comes to mind for me,
because you're really discussing the concept of doing the work, right?
Now if we have the dream, we're going to do the work.
So how do you encourage or hold your clients accountable in those challenging? It is a
challenge to get out of bed at 6am to go for the run. So the first thing I teach
really so once I get you to get who you are, what your inner dialogue is doing,
the next thing I teach is a concept that in 2006, I was able to copyright and own.
Ready for what I own?
I own personal integrity.
That is impressive because nobody wanted it or even thought of it.
So personal integrity is not about being able to keep promises to other people.
It's about can you keep a promise to yourself.
And then I make a joke, I teach people where the real promise land is,
your ability to keep promises to yourself.
And that's the muscle I teach.
That's really powerful.
I mean, keeping a promise to yourself
is at the core of confidence.
Would you agree with that?
It is where self confidence comes from.
It's the only place.
If you don't have self confidence,
you would go, where am I breaking promises
that I don't believe in myself
because I break those promises?
Self confidence is a verb, not a noun.
It's not something you have, right?
It's not, it's something you cause daily.
And the only way to have it is because you keep promises
to yourself because you respect promises to yourself. Because you
respect yourself. I am and then fill in the blank. I am the best mother. I am building a company.
But if you don't back that up with promises that you keep yourself, but you're pleasing everybody else,
you're to we are epic at being martyrs. We are not epic at being true to ourselves. And the only way to have confidence
where it really touches your heart, your head, and your gun.
Is by being true to yourself. But we lie. I make people do the biggest lie lists ever.
Because I didn't say any mouth. I'm sure you didn't. I didn't go, right, like everyone's lying to keep up appearances, to keep everybody else happy, right?
From orgasms to where you were,
to don't tell them what you're really thinking,
to like the way we lie is literally
one of the greatest crimes against our self-respect
in business, in life, in deals everywhere. I mean everywhere. So
obviously you can start to get this method, isn't for the faint of heart, because
most people don't want to face the way they lie. And again, science says the reason
we need so much pros like the reason we're so upset, like they literally go, humans
do minimum 11 lives a day.
Unconscious that they're even doing it,
or you're saying they recognize it, they're doing it.
Oh, they think it's part of social grease.
It's actually being good to my wife.
It's like, they literally, the dark side
makes you think it's no bolt to life.
Bah ha ha.
Where's the lying section in the book store exactly?
Where's the whole world of it?
Like it's literally the funniest thing to me
because the biggest issue, why are divorces happening?
Why do deals fall apart?
Because people don't tell the truth
about where they are, what they can do,
how much they can afford, what that.
Like everyone's a bunch of liars
and then there's no lying section for us to even face we are
because we're all think it's fucking noble to lie.
Like, I made my way, I feel better.
I didn't tell her how upset I was with her.
Oh, my husband came home late and involved.
Like everyone thinks keeping up appearances
is like being a good person.
So how do you get them to break that pattern
when what you're saying is it's beyond just, you know,
one individual, it's a matter of culture.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time?
I don't do the lying section in the method
until like modules said it, right?
Don't worry, it's the most powerful breakthroughs
you'll ever have is when you actually understand
how to never lie again.
It's actually profound because it's being true to yourself.
And you're walking around like you have to lie
versus ask for what you want. It's like it's so bizarre, but it's a true to yourself. And you're walking around like you have to live versus ask for what you want.
It's like it's so bizarre,
but it's a step by step process,
really, really, really, really,
and coming clean on yourself
is literally the act of self-love.
If you're hiding everything that you ever did,
that you're ashamed of or embarrassed about,
and then you're covering it up,
and then that's your inner dialogue,
like your true self inside, that you're keeping a secret, is literally what you're covering it up and then that's your inner dialogue like your true self inside that you're keeping a secret is literally what you're
protecting it's why you need to drink it's what it could be over exercise it's
just you're hiding that's fear telling the truth coming clean finding your real
friends finding your real job finding your, it comes from inside out.
I've been doing this for 20 years.
It works on 12 year olds.
And just so you know, 12 year olds get it, like 16 times faster.
Okay.
Right?
Because they don't have all the years in that we do in creating these bad habits.
It's because 12 year olds are starting to lie to everyone.
And they don't know how to tell the truth instead of lie.
And so that's really right up the precipice of like,
oh, how am I gonna talk to my dad about that?
How am I gonna deal with my grades?
How am I gonna deal with that?
I'm a little bulimic.
How am I gonna deal with that?
I feel a little gay.
How am I gonna, like, they don't, like, everyone starts lying early to keep every appearance
up for people who are pressuring them to be good and getting the bell curved.
Just right.
That's why.
And if I, teacher, come in and get you to learn how to face your truth, find out how you lie,
like, and start to figure out what to do about all of it. I'm at the heart of a soul. These little
puppies, these puppies, they don't want to turn into lying, steppered, fake it till you make it,
but it never makes it. So it's so much easier if I can run the conversation, right, and teach
people how actually special they are, and just never been educated proper, like, and not
educated, like, learners, but experience and learners. It's like a GPS. Once you know how
to plug it in, you don't need me every day. You need to understand the GPS.
So once you're identifying some of these big goals and big dreams you have,
and I've heard you talk about this and I really like how you explain it,
in order to hold yourself accountable, you have some strategies that you implement,
whether it be the running a marathon or whatever your goal may be.
Can you walk us through how you do that differently?
Oh, okay.
Okay.
I believe so that joke I made about the promise land,
like promises and promises you make
that you're not likely to keep,
everything that you want is in the promise land, okay?
And that the promise land is where
you literally be true to yourself in ways
that you wouldn't naturally.
Like, it could be as dumb as a bedtime.
You're staying up watching Netflix,
still doing the morning, and then you wonder
why you feel like shit in the morning.
Right?
It could be, I don't know what yours is,
but they're cute, and they're probably
closer to a 15 year old's issues, like eating cookies
at night, having three drinks.
Like, we all have vices.
And so here's how I roll.
Please hear I have vices. Everyone so here's how I roll. Please hear I have vices.
Everyone can you?
We all do.
Yeah.
OK, so I convert using your vices for good.
For example, I wanted to see what would happen for six
weeks straight if I meditated twice a day.
Like, what would happen?
Ready for how I did it, people?
I don't get my coffee in the morning until I've
meditated. I don't get any Netflix at night until I've meditated. Tell my
children, I have three of them, guess who would call and if they catch like,
I don't lie to my kids, I would personally never not like I could literally
screw up that promise in two seconds because I'm a jerk I don't have to take twice okay unless I admit myself
I'm so proud of myself so you put in a promise that's out of reach that you wish you would do and
Then you put in a funny consequence. Will I die if I don't get my coffee? No now with my brat me my like giving my
Coffee die if I don't get my coffee. Debateable.
Trust me, she's gonna, she, this is what I did.
I would run downstairs, put the pot on,
run backup stairs and sit and meditate.
It was easy, fun, and, right?
And it's easy, fun.
Sit on my bed, meditate.
So then I have integrity when I start watching Netflix.
It makes the Netflix better folks.
So if you wanna be writing,
if you wanna be sending out resumes, if you wanna to be writing, if you want to be sending out resumes,
if you want to be having conversations, you want to be networking, you want to be dating,
take a vice and screw it hard by making you keep a promise. So if I don't do stand up,
I don't get any sugar. Want a bet? You'll get your butt to stand up. Everything can be done
if your vice is on the line
because we want our vices.
You guys, we live for our vices, right?
We live for sleeping extra late.
Like whatever your vices are, you love them.
Now use them for something good.
You should know what that means already.
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It's so smart yet, I've never thought about it, but I love that idea.
So what did happen to you after six weeks of meditating twice a day?
What type of impacted this have on you?
And the fact that you kept that promise to yourself,
I want to hear how you felt differently.
So meditation is for me a zone.
And the zone is like a place, like,
it's where you go after death.
It's where you were before you were alive.
It's anything you can dream of people.
I don't need you to go to your love art, Lauren.
I'm like, that's what I'm making up.
Right, like, that's my dream of where, like, meditation.
And I do believe in channeling, like, I channel.
If I wanted to sit and talk to Steve Jobs
I can literally conjure him to come sit with me in meditation
I'm not kidding. I didn't learn that for myself. I got that as a note
from
Napoleon Hill he talked about the sixth dimension so I make up stuff
Because life is so filled with your power to imagine.
So meditation is the training of getting out of like physical reality and going into a spiritual
reality. Wow that is. So what do I get out of meditation? It's the bomb, you know, and then I do a shit ton of art. Like I'm very artistic and I literally coach and do art.
Like so I love the creative zone not to try to make money in it,
but like to really channel how sacred it is to be human and alive
and rather than thinking of ourselves as like steppered and following the, you know,
good human, I literally go,
woo, woo, what can we be?
What are we here for?
Right, a whole different way to be amazing.
And meditation unlocks that creativity for you.
Like, you know, so there's like two meditation teachers.
I quote and
love. One is named Biet and she's extra shamanie and awesome and makes like
gotta go check out Biet or if you're more buttoned up in corporate, which I kind of
am both right, it's Emily Fletcher and they are the most stunning leading epic teachers of this.
Right, that I sent my people to. And then I am, I teach manifesting. I teach real dreaming. So all
my work is very practical, but dreamy. And then there's so much language in it that I teach you
that you that will give you the GPS in your own version that's
that's it. So there you go. And I walk my talk, which is so important. I love that you
hold yourself accountable and share how you put your biceps to work for you. All right,
can you share with us in parts of your method that chicken the brat and the weather
of work? Because I thought this was so interesting. So after you write your dream in any area,
whether it's your body, your money, right?
You then rate your current life against that dream
and then explain why you gave yourself that rating, okay?
So now imagine you wrote all your inner dialogue out
about why money doesn't work for you.
You're bad at it, you're this, you're this,
you blame it is, you're this, you're this. So you puke out all your inner dialogue, right?
In that paragraph, you will find very few facts.
What you will find are three voices that just puke on the page, okay?
I like to call it a purge.
And the first one is the voice of the chicken.
Like you literally, after you write that paragraph,
you can literally go mist out the voice of the chicken.
I can't do that because my husband,
I wasn't able to do that because I didn't go to college.
I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.
Everything you use against yourself that says,
I can't or it's hard or it's fear-based,
like I don't have the power or you're a martyr, right?
So that you find the sentences that are chicken sentences,
you literally can go,
brock, brock, listen to that thing squawk.
Next voice and you can bet this one's more my issue
everyone.
The voice of the brat.
I'll do it to me.
I'll lend me a loan.
I like to back off.
I'd rather starve and exercise.
So I have to call my mother, right?
Like she's annoying, right?
So I was a bratty bitch who like could get away with it.
So most of my sentences are bratty, okay?
So the voice of the brat is your moodyness folks,
where you go, I'm exhausted, I just couldn't talk about
all moodyness we put under the brat tantrumming
to try and get its way, and mostly it's still
just dark and fear based.
Like leave me alone, I don't wanna feel that,
I don't wanna say that, I don't wanna deal with it,
but it's bratty not chicken and then the real kicker is what I call weather reports
This is where we have blanket generalizations. You know, there's a glass ceiling for women, right?
We have these generalizations. We go oh, I wish it wasn't true
But you know how men are you know how those muscles?
You know how it is you know sex life in a marriage
F-50 really
Sweeping generalizations and then watch how you fuck a sweeping generalization, okay, and this is why I call it a weather report
So it really is true. It's 72 degrees in sunny in LA today. What a shocker. I'm joking. I have no idea what it is
But if I said can you make it 40 degrees?
No, it's weather, Lauren, I don't have power
over the weather.
I'm like, yes, that is so true, you can't change that.
But then we go, I'm not a morning person,
I'm not good with money, okay?
Just like it's 72 degrees in sunny,
I'm not good with money, I'm not a morning person,
I don't like the exercise, I'm not good with money. I'm not a morning person. I don't like the exercise. I'm not good at discipline
and I go here's the deal.
$20,000 a day. You follow your schedule. You're up at six. You're in bed by 11 and you design your day every day
up to 20,000 and you're disciplined and you have integrity and you
fucking love it. You even have to love it. 20 grand every day and the day,
if you actually get 99% of what you created
and I can't thank you or lame or didn't push yourself
like a crazy person, everyone.
We're gonna do this.
This is the most fun I ever heard.
Like, oh my God.
So can you hear how dark that is?
Like if I can bait you with money to be epic in a day like bullshit called bullshit,
all your weather reports are very likely bullshit, but you talk about yourself like you're the weather,
like you're a weather reporter, and there's a weather like oh you've always had bad weather,
it's cold in Canada, I've never been a morning person. I'm an introvert. Really? I'll
give you a hundred gram for every time you go do stand up for ten minutes and you actually get
four laughs. Done. Like every introvert would be signing up for that was bullshit.
You know, it's so interesting that we're talking about this because yesterday I had a student-led conversation with my son at his school where he was taking us through
his progress thus far in the semester. And when we left, I said, you know, there's so much
volatility between when you put effort in versus when you don't. Do you see that? He said,
yeah, I really do. I said, okay, so you know you have the potential within you.
You're just choosing not to do the work occasionally.
It's not on a consistent, you know, it's inconsistency.
And he said, I know.
He said, but you know what really got my attention
is when they said, if I remain inconsistent,
I lose basketball.
Well, and I mean, it's exactly what you're saying right now,
using, you know, the thing that we love to get us to
hold that, to get us to give the effort that we need to in the moment and keep it top
of mind.
And it applies to children, it applies to adults.
We've lost track of that as adults.
We think, because we think we have integrity, like a noun, because we think we are good people no matter how many promises
we break no matter how shitty we actually are no matter how many cookies or drinks we
have then we pity party and we still keep doing it and then we think what's wrong with
us? Not an asshole who doesn't keep promises that I really should keep to be profound, right?
How do I fix that? Very simple.
No drink until you did your thing, right?
Like I didn't tell you to don't drink.
Just don't have one until you get the shit done.
Like reverse the fortune.
Stop thinking you're good and you don't know why you're dark
and start getting, maybe we're dark
so we don't ever get to be really good.
What are some of the biggest breakthroughs
that you've had with a client that you're most proud of?
I helped make a billionaire from broke. Like broke in that shitty marriage.
We fixed the marriage. It's been maybe I think we were trying to figure it out. It's been like seven years from broke to worth a billion on paper.
I'm not kidding. We would had our first billionaire. That's and pretty amazing. And then just so
everybody knows when people get their all 12 areas of your
life to be in above an eight according to your higher self,
then you make your eight a one and you dream again. You're like,
more do you get we're here to fulfill on so much magic, not on suffering. We need come to suffer.
Now, we have to get more assholes who choose suffering because it's kind of, you know, see seven deadly sins. Like, what do you?
Like, but we won't tell the truth about our dark side and face it. And the more we do, the more light we bring in, right? You have to bring light to dark.
And we pretend we're light and we don't know what's going on with the dark sea lines,
sea hiding ships, sea not going to truth, seeing scared, seeing moody,
like it's wherever you're plagued, that's the dark side. And you're high yourself.
It hasn't had a minute to kick any ass with real presence.
So when everyone that's listening right now says,
okay, I'm ready to do that.
I'm ready to get to this next level, to break through.
How do they find you, where do they go,
and what do you want them to do?
Is it to sign up for your online course?
So first of all, I'm like,
I think I'm a Robin Hood, okay, which means I think
I went to Stanford, MIT, I worked for Sequoia Capital
with their best, you know, like I wanted and went to the top so that I could build something
at the highest level so I could give it away for nothing.
Like what it costs to have me for an hour is what it costs for people to get all my cut less.
Like a third of my rate for everything I teach and I created a Zoom world where everyone's
on interview, they can meet each other, you can network, you can date, you can like I literally
am building a world where people like-minded who want to kick their own asses can come together and literally will do a you'll give them a coupon and
there's inner you career that is all my content that I teach in corporations. I'm not kidding. There's inner you life. If your life's on us, you'll hit your career later, but you'll get to it in inner you life. It's my whole content
on life. That's also the book. Maybe it's you if you really want the cheap version, then there's
inner you love. I've been dealing with helping people find soulmates or whatever they're into
without being liars and happy and free. Love. And then there's interview student Because I got them me to get to the kids and once you're in you get master classes that are free for the rest of your life
taught by hi me all my coaches
Please trust me. I'm giving it away
Because I already got it from the room and which website do they go to whatever link you give?
It's interview.com.
You'll have the link.
It's the art of you.
I'm gonna put the link in the show notes
so that everyone can check it out
because I know after this Lauren,
people are ready to get real
and to end the weather report.
I know I am and I can't wait to dig into this.
Thank you so much.
As you can tell, I'm a passionate crazy person.
And I wish for everyone to be
as in love with their career, their lovers, their body, like every area should be as on fire,
as I am. That's all I'm teaching. Like your version of what you're into, not what I'm into,
what you're into. And there's a language missing. Please let me give it to you.
Well, I can't wait to check it out. And I'm going to have all the info for you in the show notes. you're into and there's a saying, please let me give it to you.
Well, I can't wait to check
it out and I'm going to have
all the info for you in the
show notes.
Thank you again, Lauren,
and we're going to be right
back.
I hope you enjoyed meeting
Lauren as much as I enjoyed
having her on and sharing her
wisdom.
Inner you life.
Amazing online coaching course.
It gives you the tools to get yourself unstuck, wildly happy and thriving, where it matters
most to you, your relationship, self, career, love, body, money, time, and more.
So I want you to go to the show notes.
If you want to check it out, if you want more information on it, we're offering great
deal today, get inner, you life for just $325.
The regular price is 650.
You receive lifetime access with your subscription,
which includes 12 audio coaching sessions from Lauren,
one free private coaching session
within the HG Coach access to inner university
and the six week coaching boot camp
within HG Coach 14 home work assignments,
the interactive promise tracker.
I mean, so much here.
So you get started with your creating
competent 75 coupon at, and I'm not going to read this, but the link is going to be
in the show notes. Go check it out and you can talk to a human there too if you have questions.
But I definitely think if you're willing to take some of this time right now to invest in you
and to take this time to better yourself, you might have some pretty amazing
realizations. Okay, so two questions that I've been getting lately.
I've been getting a lot of, how are you staying positive?
How do you keep yourself sane during this time?
Well, as you probably know, I'm quarantined with my 12 year old, and while we do get along
really well, he's such a great kid and makes me laugh all the time, which is super important
and fun.
We have been doing our best at night
to have a routine where we sit together
and watch a funny movie, watch something positive
and uplifting.
He's been steering me away from more dramatic stuff,
which I'm super grateful for
because that can be a slippery slope.
But the other thing that we're doing together
that has been really helpful is one have a routine.
I have a plan of action every morning.
I wake up with intention.
When my feet hit the ground, I am leading by example.
I am gonna be taking action.
I've got goals.
I'm crossing my to-do list off.
I jump out of bed in the morning.
I make coffee, I get the dishes done, I do the laundry.
I'm keeping the house cleaned up.
I'm asking for his help and contribution
to continuing to help me clean during the week.
We each have goals every single day
and we are each moving our body.
I'm obsessed with the peloton, as I've mentioned to you before.
And if you don't have one,
we found so many great classes online on YouTube.
We took a boxing class, which was amazing.
There's so many trainers, either on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube that you can do for free,
which has been really great. And you can try different people, which for me, I
wasn't a rut before, I was just going to fly. We all am just taking the same
classes. And now I'm trying a lot of different things. So that's been super
positive where I feel like I'm learning and exposed to different people, which
has been really cool. And then yesterday, our crazy idea is we decided to run the stairs. We don't leave my condo building.
We haven't left now in two weeks because now it's mandatory to wear masks and Miami.
And you're not supposed to go to the grocery store with children. And if you only go the
grocery if you have to, so we've just decided to stay inside. It seems much safer this way.
And I've been sleeping better knowing that we're not going to be exposed to anything. But we did
decide to run the stairs. And while I used to run the stairs occasionally, my son had never done it.
So we did that together yesterday. We're going to do it again today. I'm super excited for it.
It's just something new and random that we're incorporating. But think about what
fun things could you incorporate that keep you moving, keep you healthy, trying different things
in this weird time. You know, it's kind of on us to get creative. And the more creative we can
challenge ourselves, the more it's going to challenge us mentally to think of how can we apply
that creativity to our business, our relationships, our friendships? Who are we checking in with to see if they're okay, helping others?
Write this positive momentum that we can totally create for ourselves.
Who are we listening to?
What shows, podcasts?
Are you immersing yourself in?
Make sure they're good for you and helpful, not hurtful, and keep those people around
you.
They're uplifting you and not pulling you down.
Because as you know, we need to fire those villains and there is no time like the present.
If you are in a relationship and in quarantine, make sure that you are asking for what you need and want.
Don't let things fester right now, especially when we don't have a way to escape and go for a drive or get away from someone,
it's really important to share our opinions and share what we need.
Routine is critical right now.
I mean, going to bed at the same time every day, waking up at the same time and having
that plan and to-do list has been super helpful for me.
And again, I'm going easy on myself, because some days I'm having great days
where positive things are happening,
and I'm excited.
For example, one of my guests that I just landed
that you're probably gonna hear next week,
I'm super excited for,
and some great business opportunities
that have arisen out of nowhere that I didn't expect,
but came because I set up calls with people
to see how they were doing and check in with them.
So just make sure that you're taking action, reaching out to others, helping others, and
helping yourself and going easy on yourself because we all deserve that.
Right now, stay in this moment.
Don't start jetting too far ahead.
It's a lot safer to live in the present where we can deal with what we've got on our plate
today.
So breathing through it with you, I'm here with you, I'm cheering you on,
and I can't wait to see you next week.
As always, if you could please share the show,
if you haven't left me a review yet,
leave me a review and shoot me a screenshot of the review,
and I buy you my $299 confidence video course
as a big thank you, means the world to me,
and I can't wait to see you next week You don't stop and look around once in a while. You can miss it.
I'm on this journey with me.
At a time when change is constant and we are pulled in far too many directions, we need
a way to stay present to life and to increase our ability to remain calm, think clearly,
and maintain our well-being. Many studies indicate mindfulness improves our mental, emotional, and physical health.
On a mindful moment with Teresa McKee, you can learn how to practice mindfulness
and enjoy its many benefits. Tune in for guided meditations
and to hear tips and advice from some of the most respected experts
in the fields of mental health
and mindfulness. The world truly can be a better place. It all starts with a mindful moment.