Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Nikki Glaser: Getting Good Enough Episode 52

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

Renowned comedian Nikki Glaser takes us through the value of validation, her journey through getting good enough, mental health and the time it takes to earn success.  About The Guest: Nikki Glaser is one of the funniest female voices in comedy today. For over a decade at clubs across the country, and as the host of three hit podcasts, Glaser has been honing her shockingly- honest, no-holds barred style of comedy. In that time, Nikki has also executive produced and hosted two TV shows: Nikki & Sara Live for MTV (a female-driven pop culture sketch comedy show) and Not Safe with Nikki Glaser for Comedy Central (a daring comedic show that tackled taboo sexual topics). In addition to her shows, Nikki has multiple stand-up specials and late-night tv appearances in which she jokes about her most humiliating moments as a woman in the modern world. Nikki’s past and current struggles with anorexia, depression, and anxiety are fair game in both her stand-up and in in-depth interviews like WTF with Marc Maron and JRE with Joe Rogan. Glaser has become a complete open book on mic - and not just for the laughs; she’s also adamant on being the voice for women that she yearned for as a young, confused, adolescent herself. You can currently find Nikki flexing her over-sharing muscle as the daily host of the (entirely female-staffed) morning radio show, You Up With Nikki Glaser on Comedy Central radio on Sirius XM. More From Nikki Glaser: Visit her website: www.nikkiglaser.com  Listen to her podcasts:  You up Not Safe Finding Nikki Glaser: Instagram & Twitter: @nikkiglaser fiverr.com for 10%off Code: CONFIDENCE  To inquire about the May coaching program opportunity email me here: [e-mail] Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's have a digital account to redeem offers. Restrictions may apply, see site for details. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited that you are back here with me today as we go through this quarantine together. So much has happened. I feel like every week is a flipping lifetime. So much goes on. It is crazy. And it's also crazy that we've got five weeks in

on this quarantine already. It's surreal. It's almost becoming the new normal, which is so bizarre and just speaks so much to what we can adapt to. I definitely had a harder time with the quarantine the first week we can have because I was so scared of that unknown, that uncertainty, what's odd for me, and I know it's very different for everyone. So please no judging. I'm in a no judgment zone for everyone having empathy for everyone right now. But the more that I just understand it seems like this

is gonna go on for a bit longer, we can't control it the more I'm giving into that and making the best of what I have. So for me, I'm lucky to be with my 12 year old son who is so funny and we've spent more time together in the last five weeks than we have probably ever. And it's been so fun having breakfast together, lunch together, dinner together,

and really getting to talk about so many different things, and such cool things happen this week. I got to hear my son give his first presentation. I've never heard that, because I'm not at school with him, obviously, so it was so good to be able to listen in outside of his bedroom. Yes, I am that mom, helicopter mom. It was so cool

to hear. I was super proud of him and it's been so interesting to be able to hear some of the other conversations dialogue that he has with his friends that otherwise I definitely wouldn't get that insight on. So that part's been really cool. The hard part, of course, is I miss going out and seeing people doing fun things. I miss exercising and group classes and, you know, being together with people. But, of course, for all of us, there are solutions. I have the Peloton, which has been amazing. It's just, it's not really the same. However, first-world problems making do.

I've done a bunch of events now. I was a part of two different sales summits. I did a virtual keynote for Harvard and the feedback was unbelievable. I'm so grateful. I'm always blown away. I want to get great feedback like this from a marquee place like Harvard. It's interesting though. This is my second time speaking for Harvard. And so I wasn't nervous at all. Like anything, the next time it happens, you're okay. And that reminds me of the pandemic. None of us has seen a pandemic before, so we

completely panic and freak versus the next time something like this happens, hopefully it doesn't. But if it does, we will be more prepared. We will be in a very different situation and mentally, like Harvard, not freaking out the same way that I was the first time going into speaking for Harvard. The second time I was really relaxed and prepared, I knew what they expected, so crazy. I think I told you this last week, I just had been getting DMs for almost two years now,

asking if I could mentor, do one-on-one coaching, and that never fit into my plan, so I didn't have time to do it, frankly, with my travel. But now that I can't travel, I thought that's a great revenue driver to replace my speaking business. And it's a new business model for me,

so I can get it up and running during this time and keep it spinning after that. This is a great idea, great opportunity. I'm jumping on it, and I just launched it, no website, no packages, just launched it on social media. Got a number of people signed up. I still have four spots open.

So if you haven't signed up yet, check it out. You can just email me, Heather at HeatherMonahan.com and I'll send you the details because I still don't have the website up or the page, but I am working on it. And so for June, I will be much more prepared. To make a long story longer, I was speaking with the Harvard group and after the speech, I got a call from the professor.

And he said, Heather, I would love to work on a sales seminar, sales coaching online virtual program with you. And I would have never had that opportunity. Number one, if I hadn't shown up for the first time to speak for Harvard, even though I was petrified, but that's what gave me the second opportunity. And I had built credibility in that professor's eyes by doing a great job and delivering for him, his class, etc. So, you know, it's all about going back to showing up when you're scared, showing up when you don't have everything planned out, showing up when you don't have the answers. So while this is all happening,

I get hired to do my first paid virtual speech, which I was super excited about because I didn't know how that really worked. I had never done virtual paid speaking. So I mapped everything out with the client, we're doing it May 5th, I'm really excited to do it, but I wanna do something different, unique. I wanna really have a different value proposition than others online virtual speakers.

So I've been researching a ton and looking into loom, which is one platform. Obviously, I've been using Zoom. I have an account. I zoom. I use Zoom every day, familiar with it, and trying to find out some of the other solutions that are out there. And there are a ton, by the way. And VC money

is going into this industry now, and I've been told there's actual virtual hologram. That's the one I want to be a part of, but haven't gotten invited to that one yet. So this space is moving really quickly because, you know, there's millions of events a year, and now they're not happening, so people are looking for an alternative. And this makes sense in business and in life. If you're not the speaking business, I'm knee deep in it. If you're not, pick your head up to your world, what it was that you were doing, and how you can recreate that re-invision, that experience virtually, because it's not just the speaking

business. Obviously, it's everyone needing to pivot this direction. We don't know how long the impact is going to be from the coronavirus. So, it's just smart business to do that. Pivot the business regardless, get into the octopus, multiple revenue strategy. It's so smart. It's a great way to keep you and your family safe and making money regardless of what happens out there.

So, all this is going on, and I am on the phone talking to the professor from Harvard after my speech, and he's giving me great feedback which was super helpful Of course you always want to get reviews and recommendations. He provided so much from me for the students in the class that day Which was great because it shows you what it is that you're doing that people connect with resonate with and where they get value from you So I have a folder on my computer. I save all of that I also showcase my reviews online on my website because that's the best word of mouth for you, is the reviews and recommendations.

If you haven't updated those lately, right now in quarantine is the time to reach out to people and say, hey, Bob, it's been great working with you the past five years. Would you mind updating a review and recommendation of my work on LinkedIn? Or your clients, whoever. But right now, it's a time to get that stuff done, to organize your folders, organize

your business. One of the things that I am bummed out I didn't do, sharing it with you so that you don't make the same mistake, people over the last few years would message me, hey, do you do one-on-one coaching? Hey, could you mentor me hundreds of people? And I would just say no and delete it. And listen, here's the thing, when people are reaching out to you and asking you for something, that is a potential business model. Remember that. If people are asking you for some value that you provide, that is a potential business. And because you're not doing it today, doesn't

mean you won't be interested in it two, five, ten years from now. Build that folder, build that file. That was an epic fail of mine. I would have hundreds of people in my pipeline right now that I could email to say, oh, now I'm doing mentoring and coaching. Okay, so opportunity-biss, learn from it, pivot, and move on. So I'm on the phone with the professor from Harvard. We're talking about how he wants to collaborate together, which is super exciting. Of course, we're going to be working on something for June and Beyond together in regards to sales and the sales programs,

specific he and I together. But while I'm on the phone with them, I shared that I had a big event coming up. And that I wanted to hear from him with his expertise, because he's working right now with a lot of different speakers virtually. For the Harvard platform, I said, listen, you tell me, what are you seeing that's different than what I do? What is best practices look like in this new and ever-changing world? What do you see people doing differently than me? And he explained, he's very

generous, that from a content perspective, a connection perspective, tactics, and takeaways, I'm killing it. However, he did say this to me, which I thought was super helpful, that he felt I should dress as if I was at this speaking engagement, you know, really either were a full suit or were a dress.

And I had not been doing that. I'd been dressing more casually, you know, whether a sweater or something, just more business casual instead of business, which I would not do typically. I mean, I might wear a suit coat and jeans, but I wouldn't wear a sweater to give a speech. I wouldn't do it.

And so that was a point well taken. So maybe when you're doing your Zoom meetings or you're doing any kind of presentation, think about that image that you're portraying because Not only does that build confidence within you, but in the audience in your credibility How professional they see you and I think that's really important as I'm now wanting to build new reviews and recommendations of this new Virtual speaking business, which is different than regular keynote speaking. Okay. What's next? The next things are your lighting.

So when you're on Zoom, you want to make sure that you're great lighting in the room, natural lighting preferred. If not, get a ring light. Amazon will have it to you in a week. It's a game changer. There's so many options in Zoom, in Skype, and all these platforms. Go in and see which ones that you want to use. Blur out the background. Make it more high depth on your face.

Just play around with that, those options. You can change your background where you see the three dots on Zoom, click that, and you'll see all the different options you have. But definitely look at those options so you can figure out how you can differentiate yourself if you choose to. The other thing that he recommended for me was to get a Lavalier mic, which is what I use when I give a keynote live, but to wear the lavalier mic here in my house and only do my presentation standing. And I had not been doing that. I had been sitting. And so that was super helpful perspective, which from now on, I will only do my

virtual speeches standing as if I will only do my virtual speeches standing as if I was live with my lab, my gone like I do when I'm live. I just ordered it. It's going to come in next week. I'm super excited to set that new setup up. So I'm going to continue to evolve this business. I'm going to continue to build reviews and recommendations, continue to market myself and see where this goes.

Who knows? Is this the new business of 2021 and the remainder of 2020 possibly? But I really do want to move to the more forward thinking option, being that hologram that is coming live to people in their individual quarantine locations. To me, that would be the absolute bomb. And I'm going to continue to try to figure out ways

that I can do it differently than others, whether it be sending out a questionnaire ahead of time so that I know more about the individuals and can engage with them live. You know, I really always wanna find a different, unique way to approach things. And I suggest the same for you. Those difference makers can be the reason

why you get paid that premium price versus having to discount all the time. One get paid that premium price versus having to discount all the time. One quick story that I have to share with you before I get to my next guest here gonna love. So for some flipping reason I have no idea why after 15 years my very dark blackout shades in my home gave out and fell off their holder in my bedroom. So my room has turned into turn up the lights in here, baby. That's my best Rihanna rendition. And it's so bright at night that the past two weeks

have been horrible trying to sleep. Let me say that again, horrible. It's been so bad. So I haven't been sleeping. I've been in cranky mood. I've been eating too much and feeling bad for myself. I searched Amazon for solutions and I found a paper, a black paper, blackout shape. They arrived yesterday. I stuck these ugly things all over my bedroom and voila. My room is now blacked out. It is so crazy that just because we don't know

of a solution doesn't mean there is a solution there. And when those blackout shades fell off that first day, I had a heart attack. I was crying. I thought I can't make it through quarantine like this. And who knew all I had to do was Google and search around to figure out there was a solution there. There'd always been a backup solution.

And now I have it in the house. And I had my first great night of sleep last night. So just keep focus on those solutions, keep looking, keep searching, keep asking you will find it too. Okay, so to my next guest that you're gonna absolutely love, I love this woman. So random, but a couple weeks ago Lisa Lamphinelli reached out to me and said, hey, let's do an Instagram live together, which we did. And I absolutely love Lisa Lampinelli. She's been on my podcast before. She is a funny, fun, kind, and just such a wonderful human. While we're on the live, someone asked her, who's your favorite female comedian? And she says, Nikki Glaser. Okay. So about two years ago or a year and a half ago,

I got the opportunity to be a guest on Nikki's show in New York City. We headed off. She's a little more than a decade younger than me. She's a blonde doll. Funny as I'll get out. Fun, a woman that supports other women. She's so right up my alley, great energy,

and she's freaking hilarious. And she's blown up. Okay, so when I first went on our show about a year and a half ago, she was getting pretty big. Fast forward six months later, she exploded. I mean, she was on everything. You can't even believe how this girl,

she's her own Netflix special. It's crazy. She's just blown up. And don't worry, we're gonna get into all of this. And I'm so excited for you to hear the backstory on how she became so famous. But six months ago, I was going back to New York and I didn't have plans one day,

and I thought, I wanna see if Nikki will have me back on her show, so I just sent her a DM. She responded right away, yeah, get a hold of my producer, we'd love to have you back, and she was so kind and so helpful. So while I was on her show, I said, Nikki, it would mean the world to me if you would come on my show too. She said, Heather, my schedule is insane

because she had a tour going at the time. She's like, can't right now, but ask me again in the future and just left it at that and gave her a hug and we left and wouldn't she know when quarantine hit, I sent her a DM and I said, please, please, please, if I can get 45 minutes of your time

and here she is showing up for you live from her dad's house. This girl is going to make you laugh and really impress upon you that anything's possible when you're committed to chasing down your dream. Hainteite will be right back. We have different guests each week. We're going to turn. We're going to turn.

And welcome back. I'm so excited to. I'm on the chair. I'm on the chair. And welcome back. I'm so excited to have the funniest, most fabulous woman that I know. Nikki Glazer made time for us today. Nikki, thank you so much for being here. It's so good to be here. I'm happy to make time for you. I'm adjusting this because I just want a better angle on my Zoom.

You got to look good, you know? I'm happy to make time for you. It was very easy for me to come into the office to do this today because the office is my dad's office that is one doorway from my childhood bedroom which is where I've been living for the past month. So I've just been hold up here in St. Louis and reliving my adolescence and being very humbled,

but saying busy. But thank goodness you got out of New York. Yeah, I mean, I was even in New York when it all went down. I was in LA for a bunch of TV stuff. And I was supposed to fly back to New York and then I was just like, I don't want to go, it's just getting scary. I don't want to go there now. And I was already with my parents because my parents, my mom was supposed to be on the

Kelly Clarkson show with me like that week before everything down. So they flew out to LA, it got canceled, and then we were out there, and then I just go, I just want to stick around with you guys. You guys are cool. And so I went back to St. Louis with them, and I've been here ever since. And I'll probably be saying that for the next five years of my life. That's a good story. I'm just going to live here. I mean, it's pretty sweet. It's going as well as that scenario could possibly go. I must say, I have great parents. I came from great people that, you know, sometimes you do therapy on yourself and you're like, my childhood, wait, wait.

And then I come back home and I'm like, there's a reason I'm here. I wanted to be with people I love and they are pretty awesome. And so I just am living with two people that I realize I'm trying to find the gratitude in it, which is like there's never a circumstance where I would ever as a 35, about to be 36 year old woman, would live at home with my parents.

I'm rich and successful. Like, there's no reason this would happen unless one of them were sick. And thank God that's not the case. Like, what a beautiful gift that I get to like have one more go of living at home with them. I lived at home when I was 25 and I remember that being just so, because I was broke. And I just remember being like, I'll never do this again. And there was like a heart break in that because I love being a kid and being a dependent, you know. And little did I know when I was 25 and I moved out, I was like, no, you'll be back in 10 years. Let's get into that. So at 25, you were broke and at 35, 36, you're ridiculously successful on the outside

looking in. And especially in the past year, two years, you have blown up. And it just looks like amazing event and opportunity and showcase and tour and Netflix all happening. Yeah, it hasn't really been that easy. I mean, it, no, I mean, it's, but it never is. And I would, I would have not had it any other way because I wouldn't have felt deserving of it.

And I've had little like bits of tastes of success that could have been those moments of like, well, here it comes. You know, I was on the tonight show when I was a 24. I was on the last comic standing when I was 20. I had like these pops, but they never gave me any momentum. So the fact that it took so long felt right to me because that's how long it should take.

Like, we shouldn't be letting untowent of people who haven't worked for it on TV anyway. I feel like it all happens now because I've worked my tail off. But it is weird. It's really popped in the past year. How do you stay committed to it during those times, like going on something so major and then nothing happens? Did you ever start questioning, maybe I'm not good enough, maybe I'm not funny enough,

maybe I'm not the right, whatever. There were a couple of moments like that. I remember having one of them moving, I moved to LA right out of college, and then I moved back home to St. Louis two or three years later. And I remember that moved back to St. Louis being like, maybe this isn't gonna work out. I never had that doubt before.

I just didn't. It's not because I thought I was the best or just extremely talented and the world needed to know my story and what I had to say. I just like wasn't good at anything else and nothing else made me happy to do or imagine a life doing.

So I think that's what kept me going more than anything is like finally you found something you're good at. Like you don't know anything else. You don't want to do anything else. This is it. I remember having a moment living in St. Louis 10 years ago, being like, there's a choice to make right now.

Like you could just kind of give up on that dream. And it just, it might have been a thought for 15 seconds, but it never went further than that. Like ever. It was literally just a thought for 15 seconds, but it never went further than that, like ever. It was literally just a moment because it just was never a choice. And I thought like, and I still think, like there are still things I want to achieve

that I'm like, I might never get that. I might never host SNL. That might never happen to me. Oh, come on, police! That is so coming. But is it now with this world that we're living in? Like there's some dreams that like might not be achievable. Will I be as big as this or as big as that?

Like will I ever, there's some dreams that you have to let go of, one in which I'm a pop star. I'm never gonna be a pop star. That's the thing that literally I would love to be a pop star. But I had to let go of that dream before I let go of this one. You know, like along the way, there were so many dreams of,

oh, I wanna be an actress. I'm gonna just be a Jennifer Ascent, that's gonna be my life. I remember in middle school, I was like, okay, so I'm probably gonna start acting in high school and get commercials and then I'll move to LA and then I'll be on a TV show by the time I'm 25, just like Jennifer Ascent, like that was my plan.

Then it's quickly was like, oh, you're not good at acting, like that good at it. I don't really care to get good at it. There were moments where I was like, I can't be an actress. Like this, I'm not naturally talented at this. But you actually are, hang on side note. I didn't get the feedback that I needed to keep going. And that's what I talk about in my special bang and I talk about giving a blowjob and saying that like I'm not good at them because no one's ever believed in me enough to like make me get good at it. No one's been like

you can't get something there. And I go really I'm naturally talented at this. I'm gonna keep going and then you become the best. No one with acting was like you're good. I was just kind of like you know demanding that it happen. And so until I did stand up, the stand up was the first time that I got like, oh, immediate validation, you're special at this. This is something you're better at than most people upon the first time they do it.

So go towards that. That's this is kind of your phenom talent. You fucking fat, you found it. Finally, how old were you when you found that? Luckily I was 18. So it was like, I just am so when you found that? Luckily, I was 18, so I was like, I just am so grateful I found stand-up so young, because that's part of the reason it takes so long to get good,

and I got found it young enough that I got those bad years out of the way when I was still young and didn't really need to have it together. I could kind of like drink a lot and have fun with it, but really actually get the reps in the 10,000 hours. They're apart to me and I'm like, God, why didn't you find it when you were 14? Because they're stand-ups to popular now and they're kids that are finding it like early.

I probably could have been a good stand-up. I think as soon as my dysfunction set in, I look back and I'm like, when would you have been able to be good at stand-up? And it probably would have been like, you know, 14, 15. Like that's what I think what I was like, I had a natural talent for just seeing dark and weird aspects of life that other people don't notice because of what you personally were going through at that age. I just think that's when it clicked in for me where I just kind of became aware of that how

life isn't fair and how I'm not a kid anymore. So it's like, I suddenly became aware of my body, of my looks, of things that certain people get, that others don't, the way those people act, the way, you just start thinking like a stand-up. And I think that kind of screwed me up my world around me, kind of that kind of developed around that age, like adolescence. And I think, yeah. And at first it was met with like, you think of really weird dark things. Like it was kind of like, can you keep those to yourself?

And I was like, got it. So I did for so many years. And then as soon as I found stand up, I was like, oh, there's a place for me to say my weirdest darkest thoughts. And how did you find that? My senior year of high school, I caught anorexia. And I say caught, because it caught any, I got it.

And it just came on strong. And it was just like, talk about something I'm good at. I'm really good at starving myself. Like, oh, really, really good. So good that, and it was the first thing I was good at. I was like, oh, I'm good at dieting. Oh, okay, great. And so I just did it the best and then I was hospitalized

and it was a whole fucking nightmare. And then I was going to school my freshman year and I like convinced people that I was okay enough to leave, even though I wasn't. I looked like a skeleton, like it was really frightening looking. And like I have no pictures that existed of that era because I think like my family is all just like lost them, you know, because they're just so sad. But I looked like really weird. And I went to school and that's when I

just, I realized like, I think just to survive, I had to develop a very interesting personality, very quickly. And so I just became really funny. Or I just started trying to be funny, or just trying to distract people from the way that I looked because it was so concerning. And so it became like larger than life. And that was the first time people just started going like, you should be a comedian. And I was like, really? And I was just, I was so sick.

I wanted to die because I was starving and fucking sucks. And I also had nothing to live for because that was around the time that I was realizing, like, I'm not a good actress. Like, I didn't get into any theater schools for college. Like, no one wanted what I had to offer. And it wasn't because I wasn't even sick yet. That was auditions for that were the, you know, months before I got in or Exia. But I just was at this crossroads where I was like, I have nothing I'm good at except the thing that's going to kill me. What am I going to do?

If enough people tell you you should do this thing, you should do, like, you're just like, you're like, okay, and so my friend had found a flyer on campus that was like stand up showcase, and she ran into my fucking dorm room and slammed it on the cat, like my desk and was like, you're doing this show, you're doing it, sign up for it, you're doing it.

And I was just like, okay, well, I guess no one else can do it now, because you stole the flyer, but I'll be one performer. I'll headline the event. So I just signed up and I started writing jokes. And then I did that show and I killed and it felt amazing. You killed your first show ever. Yeah, generally when you ask comedians who are still working about their first show, it was good. Either because they had a lot of friends there or because they they just got lucky or that the or the

you know, the person brought them on is it's the first time to be a little bit more generous. But your first time is so crucial because if it doesn't go well, then you know how bad bombing feels and you don't know how good killing feels, but when you kill, you, I got hooked on a drug.

It was like the way that I hear people talk about like getting hooked on computer duster on intervention. Like I did it once and I was like, this is it. This is the best healing I've ever felt. So I got off stage and I called my dad and I was like, I know what I wanna do forever and ever. I'm gonna be a comedian, I'm quitting school. I wanna pursue this. And I was like crying and I was like, I know what I want to do forever and ever. I'm going to be a comedian. I'm quitting school. I want to pursue this.

And I was like crying and he was crying. He was like really sweet. And he was like, but just finished school. And so I did, but immediately started doing stand-up. And then by the time I was done with college, I already had like a TV credit and I was ready to go. I was like, going to make it right away, right out of college. Facing us.

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I just don't have enough information around this. I just think of someone who had a horrible situation or something would turn to something like that. You know, it can happen to anyone? Yeah, I have like the best family that's so loving has never made me question that. But there are things that led to my illness that like I was extremely in pain and didn't realize it and had lost a friend.

September 11th had just happened. I really, in the middle of St. Louis, I just really felt that for some reason and wasn't, didn't process that the right way. I know that sounds ridiculous. I didn't even know anyone in it, but it just was like, it was around this time and then I had a friend who killed himself. I wasn't able to mourn that. I just was like, had a lot of things shake me in a way and I just, I had nowhere to put the pain. Like I couldn't cry about it. And I still struggle with that.

Like I still struggle with disordered eating because it's a thing that I go to when my life feels out of control. I'm like, that's where I can go and know that I can like, I can really ace that, and I've got that under control. And so it's something that's haunted me for since that time. And it's not gonna, it's never gonna kill me, but it's still something that's like, ugh,

you're going there again, you're trying to starve yourself to control the fact that you don't know what, what job, like about like, or if a, you know, like right now with COVID, I mean, this is like a terrible time for people with any sort of like coping mechanism issues. People are smoking so much pot, people are drinking too much, people, if I'm so glad I don't drink,

I would be drinking all the time, all the time. But that's not to say that I'm not doing other stuff all the time, you know, it's, although I'm like, have a perfect family, and I'm living with my perfect family, like, I struggle. And I think that what you're saying is like, part of the thing that I feel,

you feel guilty about being like, I'm fucked up if you have a perfect life around you. Like, there's nothing that we're hiding. Like, there's no like, sights that I'm hiding. I'm just getting beat that I'm hiding. I didn't I didn't I was never molested like I've had therapists say like what are you sure you weren't molested like they double checked with me so many times like more than where they're like I don't mean to harp on this but like can we go there again I'm like I don't remember like if it happened it's not like dig it out of me, doc.

But like, I almost wish that I had some kind of like, really significantly traumatic thing that I could go, that's it, you know, like something, but it's a big, it's just a gulash of little things, it's just a big melting pot of just a lot of pain and just being a really sensitive child. Did you ever go through hypnosis or take hypnosis? I actually did it for the first time last week.

It's so weird that you said that. I didn't know, I did a breath work class and I was like tripping. Like I've been doing all this self-help. I've been running like a goop lab at my parents house. And so I'm just gonna, I'm trying anything. And so I did about breath for a class, had no idea that that would make me legitimately trip out, like you feel like, if you don't have mushrooms lying around, just go take a

breath for a class, you will trip. And I was like, I kind of got into this meditative state during that that reminded me of, or of a hypnotic state that reminded me of, I did a TV show with Caitlin Jenner and Bert Kreischer like in January. Really? And so random. I can't wait for it to come out.

It's wild, but we're in this cabin with Bert Kreischer, it's his show, and me and Caitlin were the guests. And he had us like all get hypnotized by this woman, and it was really like kind of, I like let myself do it for the first time because I generally don't like to be hypnotized. I don't want to be out of control and have people tell me

to take off my shirt or pretend that I'm making out with a chair. I just have always been scared of diagnosis. But this obviously was not that. So I let myself go there, but didn't really. And I realized during, because I was on TV, but I had a moment of being like, oh, this could work if I let it happen.

And so then I called up this hypno therapist that works with like eating disorders, because I'm like, can someone like hypnotize me? I don't know. Yes. My eating disorder. And this woman, I met with her last week and I haven't gone back since because,

just of like, you know, maybe she wasn't the right one, but there were some things that she did. I had no idea when it was gonna be like, but do you do it? I did it. Yeah, when I got divorced, I had a friend in yoga that said to me, listen, you're in a tough spot right now. You don't seem like yourself.

Why don't you go to the skies? I haven't just locally here and Miami, she said, I went to him and he really helps you get through the pain and the challenges you're having fast. And I mean, I went to him for two years straight, first working through just the issues I was having around guilt, around divorce and feeling upset, but then started like pulling back the layers to childhood issues and resolving some things why I was allowing myself to be treated badly at work.

And it was touching all these different parts of my life, but it really worked for me. I'm a huge advocate of it. Well, how would it work? So you would get hypnotized. Would you like start? Because that's my biggest thing is I really just want to find my feelings and just cry a lot

or just feel them, like sit in them. Because all these things that you do to have the you know whatever addiction you have it's like you're doing it to avoid your feelings. So clearly I have feelings and I'm like what feelings I don't know they're so deep. So when they pull them out of you are you crying throughout the hypnotherapy session? Yeah so when you're hypnotized or you're like like is that like I kind of want that. Yeah, no, yeah, it happens while you're there and you have no control over it. You'll know you can, you're like awake, but you're not awake. You're in a very weird, it's hard to explain if you

haven't done it in this weird state. You know what you're doing. You know what's happened. You can hear the person talking, but you can't stop how you're responding. It just happens. And you're all of a sudden, it's like water just turns on and you're bawling and you can't stop the tears. And you're not even sure why it's happening. It is the great, it's soap. And again, you've gotta give me this guy's number. I'm sure he's doing zooms. I gotta get it.

I'm sure he's so good. But the thing is, I do believe this, unless you believe, and and it's like unless you're willing to let go like what you said I don't think it works like I went in there all in like okay, we're in private I trust you my friend went to you you did her right I am here like I I want to whatever this is I know it's different for different issues like everyone has different issues But for me it was around some stuff that was really rooted in my childhood. I didn't remember. And he did the coolest thing where he said,

okay, it was like we were watching a grainy TV movie of my childhood. And he had me like stepping out of my own body to watch it as like a third person, which allowed me to separate from the pain afterwards, which was really weird, because now, anytime I want, I can go back to that memory and view it as an outsider instead of the person still living in it. It's really crazy.

Oh, that's really interesting. It almost sounds a lot like what people say, psychedelics help them heal when they do LSD or when they do psilocybin, like mushrooms. They say that they can unearth stuff and look at it. You go to those places in your brain that you're just like, I don't wanna deal with that. And you like, they say it's like opening a closet that you're like, or a room that you're like, I have to fucking clean that room.

It's such a mess. Like, all of my shit's packed in there. And you open it and you just kind of look around and you just like, you get to clean it up and then you shut it. And then you just don't go back in. Like it just, that's what someone compared it to it. I was like, oh, I like that.

Like it's making you go to those places and like, oh, huh. And then I just heard that there can be these experiences with psychedelics where you can get 10 years of therapy and one more for this a little bit like hypnosis. Like you said, like you're watching it from a third party. You don't have that risk to me. The risk of the psychedelic is really scary that, you know, it's a drug and who knows what's going to happen.

But I did see that group special on Netflix. I think it was and they take you through the process. And yeah, it does sound very similar. That's why I wanted to be regulated because I don't wanna get a weird bag of some mushrooms that I take from a dude behind a little caesars, you know? And like, I don't want that to be my new form

of mental healthcare. But at the same time, I think like, I'm looking for a shaman. I want someone to like guide me through that because I would like to expedite this process. That's what I'm looking for a shaman. I want someone to like guide me through that because I would like to expedite this process. That's what I'm looking for is this like a pill I can take to just feel like I'm normal. But then I often just think like,

well, this is who you are now. So instead of just trying to always be whatever is the best version you see for yourself. Like I always think of my life as like, oh, it's about to start. Like as soon as I get a husband, that's gonna be like, that's when my life begins. Or as soon as I get this job,

or as soon as I get this a place is right now. Like it's still like, this is a runway to your life. I always think about, am I ever gonna finally feel like everything's perfect? No, never. There's a a great Sam Harris quote about that, or he was talking about like whenever people are like get upset about things, he's like, your life is a video game. Have you ever played a video game with nothing bad,

happening if you just ran through a world where not like it just wouldn't happen. You'd be so bored. I told my dog out really once like, she's being very weird. I know. So sorry. Once like a. Yes, there's always going to be challenges in life. Like little dogs barking in the middle of a podcast,

a tape thing. That's like, that's like the thing. It's like, did you see that CNN interview with a guy and the baby came out and he's like whacking his child? It was horrific. Oh my god, no, but that's so funny to see people like who they how they really are. To seeing people in their real element. Yeah, you forget your like on TV when you're home. Especially for extended periods of time, it's like the new norm now that.

Yes, and so much of this is how we talk on the phone. So I guess that guy probably has done so many meetings where he's batting his kids in the like, but he just got on camera and forgot like the nation is watching this now, like not just your colleagues are seeing you, his, your children. It's like, yeah, I'll see that that kid needs a need to hit no therapist someday.

Seriously, seriously, that dad made me on TV. He became a meme very quickly. That's for sure. But I'll speak of memes. I feel like your life is a meme. They're one of the things I want to talk about is and it frustrates me. When you get a chance to know someone, you are so nice. You are such a woman that supports other women.

You are so real and cool. And to see the way some people attack you online makes me freaking crazy. And I don't know, knowing that you've had challenges with being tough on yourself, how are you able to get right back up and go on that next show, go on dancing with the stars, go on who wants to be a millionaire, and then have these people coming for you all the time.

Yeah, I don't even feel it because I don't read it. Like the only time I see, I look at my Instagram comments, like that somewhere because it's like my friends are in there and people say, people are generally very nice on Instagram and then Twitter I just like I think Twitter like protects me from stuff or something because like I don't really see but I you know every once in a while yeah there's a comment or

something that someone just like doesn't get what I am and I could see why they would think that about me or you know what's uh who wants to be a millionaire people are like so upset that they changed the rules of the game to accommodate my slip up. And I didn't ask for them to change the rules. Like they went and I didn't beg, I wasn't pleading, like please I must have, I was crying because I thought I lost the game

because that's how the game works. I'm one of those people that's like, you guys can't do this. But they changed the rules of the game. And now people, I guess, are mad at me. Oh, of course. Oh, this blonde girl cries and she gets her way. And it's like, OK, I let it go because I just

remember that whatever they're attacking me for is their issue. I just know it's projection. I've done it so much in my life of hating something because it reminds me of what I am that I just go, all right, like you think that about yourself. But sometimes they do see you and you're like, oof, that you go, oh my god, I didn't think anyone noticed that about me. Whether it's your looks or like your motives and you're just like, oh god, they just see me for what I am. But for the most part, I just try to like ignore it and not read it and not seek it out and uh, but that's the problem with becoming more famous

is like more people have an opinion. It's just like what you have to deal with. And if that's what I want, it's what I'm signing up for. It's not going to make it easy, but and it might drive me crazy, but I'm kind of ready, I think. You're totally ready. I wanted to mention, I'm super proud of you for, is I saw that Taylor Swift Netflix special. And you know, it's funny, randomly, I'm a major fan of hers. Before she was famous, I worked for a radio company

and she came to sing for us. She was trying to get on the airwaves, you know, since like year before she came to sing for us. She was trying to get on the airwaves, it's just like year before she came broke through. And someone got up and roasted me at this meeting. And I was a younger, you know, one of the only female executives in the company and it was really inappropriate. She leaned over me, I didn't know her.

She said, what's his name? And I tell her and she says, I'll be right back. She goes out to the hall. She's gone for maybe five, 10 minutes, comes in and they welcome her to the stage, you's gone for maybe five, 10 minutes, comes in and they welcome her to the stage, you know, the new up and coming country artists. She roasted that man in lyric. She wrote a song in the hall and shredded this guy. She was probably 16 years old. It was the most unbelievable move for a young lady I had ever seen. She's

such a class act. Her mom was there. We were going crazy. And I was just so proud of her that she would stick up for some girl. She didn't even know. So fast forward, I've always been like the biggest. I don't care what's going on with that girl. I am just cheering her on because I think she's set. Makes me so happy.

She's such a good person. I feel like, well, she just saw an injustice taking place, especially against a young woman. And she just stood up for you in that moment and wasn't scared. And she's so, she's so, such a masterful lyricist that it's almost like the way that I feel like I write jokes and I'm not trying to do my own horn,

but like, I feel like her songwriting, I really relate to with my joke writing, is like, I feel like her songwriting, I really relate to with my joke writing is like, you want, you want to call out hypocrisy and call out bad people and kind of get revenge on people that have wronged you. Like, I like that side of her art, where she's like, that's such a good story. So good. So, but back to you.

So, I love her. I love her. So, back to you. So, I love her. I love her. I love her. So, back to you when I saw her special and then I saw you pop up in a clip for a split second and it was about her weight. And then fast forward, I think was the next day I saw you posted on Instagram. I heard my own voice in the trailer for her documentary and I'm like, I've been a very public about my love for her for so long. Like, that's part of my identity. I feel is that I love

Taylor Swift and I welcome it. Like, I wear her shirts all the time. Like, I listen to her music every single day. I really, like, I'm 15 years old obsessed with her. And so I watched her trailer for her documentary, like, as soon as it came out, like, along with all the other Swift her. And so I watched her trailer for her documentary, like as soon as it came out, like, along with all the other Swifties, and I was like, so excited to see it. And then I heard my own voice in the trailer, I dropped my phone, which wasn't very far, because I was just looking at it in bed,

but I literally dropped my phone. And I was like, oh, it wasn't big deal, I'm getting it from it. But I picked it back up, and then, but I didn't know for sure. I just heard what I thought was my voice, but I'm sometimes can be a narcissist. I'm like, am I just imagining that I'm like in this movie?

And like, but I was still like hoping that it was my imagination because I was used in a way to show why she went away for a year. Like, it was me being like, she's too skinny, she's her model friends, I don't like it. And so I sent it to all my friends and I was like, I am in this Taylor Swift documentary. I know it and they're like, yeah, it kind of sounds like you,

but I don't think you would say that about her. And I go, I know I would. I know I would. I get so jealous of when girls are skinny and when their friends took models. I want to be friends with models because that would validate that maybe I'm a model. I mean, there's so much meaning in being friends

with models. It's just, I knew that I would say something like that. So anyway, I waited a week because the trailer came out a week before the documentary. And I go, it is my voice. I know for a fact, I told my manager, my agent, my publicist, my lawyer, my lawyer wrote to me because I go, I want to know if I'm in this documentary. I want to be like ready for what they use. And they were like, we're not even going to ask. We don't want to ask Netflix. We don't want to be ready for what they use. And they were like, we're not even going to ask. We don't want to ask Netflix. We don't want to even draw me as hench into this. And I was like, but it's okay if I am.

I need to address it if I am. And they were like, don't worry about it. Let's just say, we don't think you're going to be in it, but we don't even want to ask. And I was like, okay. And my lawyer, Legitimini, sent me an email, like separate from the one that was about this incident, because I wrote to them being like, guys,

I'm in the tail of social documentary, so I'm down how I need to know if they use my face. And they all go, we don't want to ask, but we'll see when it comes out. And my lawyer separately wrote to me and goes, Nikki, no matter what happens, I still love you. That's like, wow. Wow, that's amazing.

It just signified to me, like, they all were like very worried about this. And I was like, I'm not that worried. I justified to me, like they all were very worried about this. And I was like, I'm not that worried. I just wanna know. So I, for a week, I was just like, couldn't listen to our music. I felt sick. I was like, what the fuck in did I say?

Where did they even get that clip of me? I had no idea. And then the documentary came out. I watched it immediately. And I saw that I was in it for like a split second. They didn't even use my name, but my face was in it. I said the same thing. And so that next day, I was just like, I just want to write something that might get to

her to let her know that where that came from and why I did it, which is because I was jealous and projecting and like all those things. And it was so ironic that she's anorexic in the movie. Like that she pretty much was anorexic for a bit. And she beat it. And like, and I was one of the voices that was making fun of her during that time that she was suffering with a thing that almost killed me.

I mean, it was just like one of the most ironic things that could have ever. And just me being used as like a thing that made Taylor feel bad about herself when I'm the person that loves her more than anyone that anyone knows like. It's so interesting. It's so meaningful actually. It's so insightful into what you had said earlier about when people hate they're projecting something about themselves. Yep. And it was just, it was such a good example of that. And I thought, and I didn't think about it at the time,

but in hindsight, people really were able to use that moment where I apologize and I didn't make any excuses. I hate when people apologize and they go, but I meant this. And it's like, no, no, no, just like, what is your part in this? Doesn't matter what you meant, what is your part in this?

No buts, no excuses. And so I just wrote that. And then as soon as I posted it, I was like, oh, God, I didn't expect her to, like I thought maybe she might see it, but I was just like, I just wanted to put it out there and maybe it gets to her, maybe, because the other route to get it to her

was not guaranteed. Like I asked, I think I asked my agent if I could write something to her and I know they would say yes, but how do I know if it ever does, you know, this is like the only way. So as soon as I sent it, I was like, oh, that's good. And that's the way I feel when I get an argument with a friend and we're fighting or anyone, it were my parents in the next room. I always, when I take time to like reflect on it and go, what is, even if I'm like, I know I was right, you know, like, let's say I always go, well, what could be your part in it? Like, just find something that like, you didn't need to do that

and it made it worse. And like, just apologize for that and leave everything else out of it. And that's what I did with that. And then once you do that, it feels so good. And I don't know, I have, I almost get high off of the politics thing and like realizing that I'm wrong. And I don't know, I almost get high off of the politics thing. And realizing that I'm wrong, and that now I don't have to suffer anymore with that. And that the next time I can do it right, because now I learn this, I find a lot of peace in that.

So as soon as I posted it, I put on her music again. I hadn't listened for a week because I was so sad about this. And for whatever reason, it just freed me. And I was like, and I was bopping along. And then she wrote back and forgave me, which was beyond anything I thought would happen. And it was just a lovely internet moment that a lot of people seemed to,

like a lot of people loved it. And I thought it was like, oh, it's like a nice thing to put it in the world. It was such a good thing because to me, what it went back to is two good people that both support other women, which, as we know, not all women do, unfortunately, in the world that we live in. But then you admitting that you had made a mistake

and that you were hurting and that you were projecting and that you actually shared that pain with the whole thing to me. And then her coming out and supporting you, it was just, wow, I thought that was such a, that's when social media is fantastic. Yeah, it was so, it was, oh, it was the best. And you could tell that she wrote it. Like, it sounded like the way she talks. And it was just kind of like, it was just like, I felt like,

oh my god, I just had a, it's still wild to me. Like right now I'm reliving it. I'm like, oh my God, I just had a, it's still wild to me, right now I'm reliving it. I'm like, oh, I've been talking about that in a couple of months because it's too much for me to even process. But she's just like helped me through this pandemic too, like hard music and stuff. I've been really relying on her,

so I'm so glad that I patched it up because I don't know if I do in a world where I don't get to listen to her music. Oh my gosh, I love that. And that's such a great message that you couldn't free yourself at any time by just owning it, make the apology, and do something. Finding something that you did to contribute, because it's never all just one thing. I don't think ever.

I mean, maybe there's certain circumstances, but like, yeah, I just, for rubberies and I've just been able to like, I really like, I don't understand when people don't like to apologize. It's like the best feeling in the world. When you really mean it, though. Well, you know, it's funny. One of the things that I talk to people a lot about around building confidence and creating confidence within themselves, typically with women, is that they over-apologize. And I used to be one of those people. I beat the gym, you know, someone bumped into me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And constantly blaming yourself for things

that you have, there's no reason to do that. And I made a decision, I say thank you. If I'm late for a meeting, I thank everyone for their patience, but I do not apologize. I'm big into not apologizing. And I do know that that upset some people. Well, so if you're late, you say thank you for your patience. Yes.

Yes. Oh my God, I don't, I like, I'm such a sorry, I'm sorry. And I do understand that like over like it's a little too much. Some like girls just apologize for like existing or taking up space. Yes. So I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just, it lacks meaning now. I think it just is the same as amazing. Like nothing's amazing anymore because everything's amazing.

And if you're sorry about everything, like sorry for like dropping your phone. Oh, I'm sorry. It made everyone look over here. Like that's different than being like, I'm sorry I snapped at you or I'm sorry I was right. I still apologize for being late. But I think it's the same.

Like if you were to walk into a meeting and say, thank you so much for your patience, I'd be like, that feels just as good as a sorry. So I feel like it's, yeah, I'm gonna start reframing that. I'm gonna repost my Taylor Swift apology and make it happen. Thank you for allowing me a chance to reflect upon my past projection.

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and guess who she said? I hope it was me. Oh my God. I love her so much. That is so wild to me that she would say that. I mean, like, she's just like the best. Like I saw Lisa, I open for Lisa, one of my first weeks working when I was still like a junior. No, I was a sophomore in college. And I open for her MC for in Kansas City. I was a sophomore in college, and I opened for her, MC for in Kansas City. I was so nervous, and watching her perform live was like, there was a moment where I go, I could never get that good.

It's just impossible. There's something that she has that I do not, and I still believe that watching her on stage was, and she'll get back into it. She's the sharpest, fastest. I learned so much from her, the fact that she would even say that about me is like, she's my idol, so that means so much.

She's the best. And I love that she's like a self-help guru now. Like she's killing it. She's, because I like that she transitioned out. Yeah, you know, because I, I won out someday. Someday, just not, I mean, it's a little early, right? Yeah, I can still do comedy. And that's the thing, Lisa's still getting a message out there

and she's being hilarious about it. Like, stand up comedy can take any form. So she can say that she doesn't just stand up anymore, but I, and I haven't seen her live show, but I bet you it's hilarious and as funny as a lot of headliners out there. Yeah, and then she's to add on it has a message, come on. Yeah, she said, I mean, listen,

if I'm getting up on a stage, it's gonna be freaking funny. Like she knows, it's just who she is. But I think that that's pretty cool that you used to open for her and wonder if you could ever be as good as her. And now here she is watching you and saying that she thinks that you're her favorite comedian to watch these days.

That's pretty amazing. It makes me just feel like, like, how did I trick these people? I have my... Oh, I really suffer with, like, thinking that I've fooled, you know, feeling like I'm a fraud, which is, you know, a common thing that people struggle with. Yes. It's been really loud recently. And I've vastly, I like to say that I have confidence to Smyrpia almost or like career to Smyrpia. Like I can, because I also have body to Smyrpia in which within a 24 hour period I can go from thinking I'm so fat and need to go, like, never eat again to thinking I look too thin and I need to go stuff my face because

people are going to think I'm sick. And it's like those two things aren't possible in 24 hour periods, so clearly my mind is distorted, but I do that with my career too. I can vastly in one afternoon from being like, you never send anything funny, you're so unoriginal, everyone's funnier than you. Why would anyone like you to then being like,

I'm the funniest person that's ever lived. Like I can feel those two things within an afternoon. And neither one of them are probably that healthy. Like why can't it be somewhere in between? But it's just, you wouldn't have your person now, the one you're explaining that I'm just thinking my life is a roller coaster like massive lives and massive loads.

And that's just how some people are. It's called bipolar disorder. No. No. It feels like it's sometimes. I know. It really, especially in this weird situation where we're really confined.

And there's so much uncertainty out there. When you start looking forward, and I don't want wanna be too dramatic, but this last year, last two years for you, you just really blown up. I mean, you were appearing on everything just in the past few months. Every time I turn the TV on or when anywhere,

I'm seeing you, you have your own tour, and then all of a sudden, boom! What was that like, and then how do you forecast moving forward? I was really okay with it. I could be honest. And I was like about to have the best financial year by far, like I was finally working theaters

and said, club is like the money is insane. It was every weekend. It was nonstop, no end in sight. I was like, oh my God, like that's an amazing feeling to like be operating on that level, like, you know, just business-wise. I was also developing two TV shows. I had a radio show every morning, podcast,

and also maintaining, like, amazing friendships, just, like, working on myself. Like, I know. But it was so tiring. I was, sorry, my dog is barking like she's dying. No. My dad's cheering her on. My dad just goes, go marry and get her.

So I guess my dad's running a dog fighting ring in the next sport. So she's fine. But I was just running myself ragged. Like I was about, I was crying a lot and like just collapsing after like a spray tan and just being like, it's not swimming, why is it straight? And just being like, it's not swimming, why is it a strike?

And then just like, just breaking down in weird places cause I'm so tired. And so when this all happened, I was like, okay, good, I need a little bit of a break. Couple months off, reschedule these stores, whatever, it doesn't matter. And now that it's kind of like everything stopped for a really long time, it's been scarier,

but I don't know, I just accept it. I'm like, I never was meant to go on the tour now. Like, this was always the way it was going to be. I kind of always, I look at life like that way. I'm not like, when something bad happens, I can feel how it's bad and I can kind of be like, woe with me, but I'm just like, this was always meant to be. There was never a world in which you were gonna do that.

That's, it's like, do you go back in time and change things? It still all happened this way. I believe there's no free will. It's kind of released me from that. And so I just kind of accepted it. And like, I have no money coming in. It's bleeding out. I got an apartment for more money than anyone should ever pay for an apartment per month.

I can't even admit the number and I would tell you, but you guys would hate me. Like, your listeners would hate me if I told you how much I was spending on a apartment. But like I said, the money I was making was so stupid. And I have no kids, no dogs. I was like, well, like get the nicest apartment there is. I had an elevator opening onto my living room and I sent it for 12 month lease that started March 1st. So I've never lived there. I've never lived there. I've no furniture because I sold on my apartment. Like I had shitty furniture for years.

And so I was like, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. And for the past nine months, I lived at a furnished apartment. Like I was kind of like squatting. And then I just finally decided, like, I'm gonna settle down and have my own place. And so I just have an empty apartment, I'm paying, I'm just like bleeding money.

But you know what, I'm grateful that I can afford to bleed this money, that money was never mine. Everyone's like, oh my God, I'm gonna end up paying the numbers insane if I never get to live there, which I don't think I'll live there for the next several, several months. I can't get out of the lease. And I just said that money was never mine.

It was always meant to just go into this. It's okay. I'm't get out of the lease. And I just didn't like that money was never mine. It was always meant to just like go into this. It's okay. I just I'm not going to be like, what things I could have done? What could have been I just didn't accepting it and letting it go. And that's easier said than done because I have money in the bank and some people don't. So I don't mean that like everyone just needs to accept this. But that's just how helps me is that this was the way it was always going to go.

And it's just, it will be okay because it always has been okay. I've read that quote somewhere and I like that. And I say it to myself a lot. Well, I'll tell you, just listening to explain that, I was getting anxiety. And then when you said you're just accepting and letting it go,

because this is the way it was always supposed to be, it does make, it gives you some comfort. It just like was never gonna be another way. This is always the way that the spring of 2020, it was always leading to this and there's nothing that could have changed it. And the money that you're losing right now was never yours. My dad was just like, I just don't know how to go.

I paid $1,000 on taxes from 2016, spoolshit. I don't even, we just got the letter. It's just, I don't spoolshit. I don't, that $1,000 was never yours by, it sucks, but it never was going to be yours. And so just give it back into the world. Like I just, that has helped me being like, this is just the way that it was supposed to be. And it, it doesn't mean I can't cry about it. And I don't feel immense pain that I'm pushing

down with pot and food. But, But it's the way that it is. Wait, will you ever, and I'm asking because my speaking business, I would travel around do speeches. That was my number one revenue stream. Now I just got hired for my first virtual speaking engagement, which is so weird, so bizarre. But, you, oh, you'll be granted. Yeah, it'll be fine.

But will you ever do you think that you would move to a model where you would sell tickets for a virtual standup show? No, I mean, I don't want to say never because like maybe that's the thing that people start doing and I go, oh, it can be done, you know? The way that I see that is just like, I rely so much on the immediate laughter and not the laughter that happens 0.07 seconds after

because of the zoomed away. Like, you needed immediately for stand-up to really work. Like, being funny on zoom is hard. Like, stand-ups are, this is not easy. Like, when I did Bill Mar last week, I was like, I got done with it and my friends were like, how'd you do? And I go, I get myself a B, and I go,

but that was a B in a really hard class, because it's really hard to be funny on the internet when there's not a studio audience, and the host is getting a delay. It's just like, it's all about timing. So I don't think I'll do a stand-up. It's just making me focus on the other things that I could do, write a book, think about what the podcast

world looks like, because that's something you can keep doing. I'm just, I think that I'm do, write a book. Think about what the podcast world looks like, because that's something you can keep doing. I think that I'm going to find other places for it, right? To show that you might be able to make someday. I hope that at the end of all of this, I write a book. You know, at the end of the day. You need to do it. You absolutely need to write the book. If you have any advice for me, because I am literally paralyzed, I'm leaving money on the table by not writing one. People want a book from me. I want a book from me, but I can't do it. Heather, I can't.

Yes, you can. All right. So here's the thing because I did it, right? I'm actually writing my second book right now. It is people, it is just BS. People want to intimidate you that you're supposed to be like this literary person and what's the strategy? Blant.

No. None of that's true. Here's what is true though. You need to be disciplined and you person and what's the strategy? Blant, no, none of that's true. Here's what is true though. You need to be disciplined and you need to make yourself sit. This is just the way it is. And you have to write for X amount of hours a day. I wrote for five hours a day because I wanted it done fast, but like, I don't know what you're, say yours is two.

And some days you're gonna write not great stuff, and then other days you're gonna write all day because it's so good and it's clicking. And then you're gonna email it all to the editor then other days, you're gonna write all day because it's so good and it's clicking. And then you're gonna email it all to the editor and they're gonna start showing you how it shapes up. And then you can start, it starts happening so rapidly from that point, but don't let these other people get in your head

that there's, how do you know what to write about? Like, I can write about anything. And that's the struggle for me is like figuring out what it is I wanna write about and like picking something. Like I really just struggle with the abundance of choices. No, because I will give you the analogy that you shared with us that you got up on that stage for your first standup show and you would just written jokes down

and you killed it. This will be the same thing. Just sit down and start writing. You know what, write about what you did today, write about the pandemic, write about how your first standup show that you did. It doesn't matter. It's going to get you writing within a week to two weeks. You're going to know, you're going to gravitate towards something and you're saying, this is what I'm writing about. That's exactly what will happen. Okay. I pretty much just takes discipline is what you're saying. That's all it takes. Anyone can write a book. That part is not hard. People think I'm disciplined, and in many ways I am. Like I said, I fucking give me a diet, and I'll stick to it,

and I'm disciplined when it comes to working out when I'm working out. I can do things, but this book writing thing, there's just, and obviously working, but there's something about it that is so terrifying. And I just know, I know that I can't, it's in me. And I honestly keep having this, like, thought of, like, if I died tomorrow, like, on my deathbed, what would I be like?

And I always thought this, like, if I ever, like, when I'm walking around New York City and like, almost get hit by a truck, I'm always like, I need to write a book. Like, I'd be so sad if I got hit by, like, I'd be on my deathbed, be like, I did write a book! Like, I want to be need to write a book. Like, I'd be so sad if I got to hit by it. Like, I'd be on my desk with being like, I did write a book. Like, I want to be able to write a book. So I don't know why I haven't. I gotta do it. You just take time.

You are, you're doing it. And instead of saying you wanna do it, you are doing it and you need to just, this is the time. You are never gonna have as much free time as you do right now and you know that. I know and I just don't want to do it yet. I'm just throwing my time with other things.

But I think what's gonna happen is like the one way to inspire me to do something is to be like, oh, the money that you'll like you need this money and I'm like I'm very motivated by that and I hate to say that I am but especially especially now, because I want to like really, I think we might have these pandemics like the rest of our lives now with like, just I think viruses are gonna be like a thing that is gonna happen a lot. And for the next one, I just want a really good bunker.

Like I just want to be a little forward and you know, a nice apart. I don't want to have to move back in with my parents. So now I'm like, I got to make money for my bunker. So have your agent go out and get you a book deal right now. They are. They already have it on the table. I just can't give them anything. Oh my god. I know, I know, I know. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Well, I can't wait to read it. So get cracking, kid. You've got the time. Thank you. way to read it. So get cracking kid. You've got the time. Okay, thank you. All right. So before I let you go, please tell

everybody where they can find you on Instagram. Yeah, Nikki Glazer and I K K I G L A S E R. That's the best way to reach me and keep up with what I'm doing. But yeah, I'm also on Twitter and all those things. And just I have a Netflix special called Bangin. I have one called the degenerates episode, like three or four of this series called the degenerates, an episode like three or four of this series called the degenerates on Netflix. And yeah, like put a season pass in your DVR

for whenever I'm on TV and catch an appearance because I'm on TV all the time and I'm usually pretty funny. So yeah. You're the best. You are so funny. And please go follow her on Instagram so you can keep up with her.

She is tough to keep up with, but she will keep you smiling. And I saw that somebody wrote that you're an essential worker because you're so funny and you always keep us smiling. So thank you so much for being you. Oh, thank you, too. Heather, you're the best. I really needed the book boost and it was so fun to just talk and laugh with you. You're so awesome. Thank you for having me. All right, hold tight. We'll be right back.

awesome. Thank you for having me. All right, hold tight. We'll be right back. I hope you loved meeting Nikki as much as I just love Nikki in general. She makes me laugh so hard. She's flipping hilarious and she's so fun and so real and down to earth and she's the real deal. So if you're not following her, you got to because she's going gonna bring a smile to your face all of the time And she is an essential worker in this world because we all need to keep smiling. Okay I want to speak to the issue that so many people have been fired and just remind everybody if you've lost your job Ben furloughed Ben laid off number one you are in good company Oprah Mark JK Rowling, and yours truly has been fired, right? So you are in good company and wonderful things come from getting fired pivotal moments that allow you to see opportunity you weren't previously seeing.

I would have never written a book, never launched a podcast, never started a speaking career, albeit I was speaking for free in corporate America if I hadn't been fired. I am so much happier working for myself versus working for a wench. You know, I have to tell you, I put up with so much negativity in corporate America because I quote unquote had to to keep my paycheck. Golden handcuffs, all this BS I used to feed myself. When the reality was I had to step into fear, own it and just go forward and go all in. And yes, it has not been easy.

But it has been super exciting. I took me a year to get my speaker agent as I shared with you before, but today was the first time I saw that she listed me as one of her authors on her company's author page. And it was so exciting. I'm right next to Rachel Hollis and Dave Hollis

and all these massive New York Times best selling authors in the past year. And it's just surreal to see how far you can come. So whatever your goal or big picture dream is, don't let the quarantine squash it. Let the quarantine allow it to unfold. Let this be the time that you invest in you, that you put yourself first, that you gather your views, your recommendations, that you work on

you because you are so worth it and don't settle for what's handed to you, go for what you want, and just go bigger. That's how I'm living my life. And yeah, there's plenty of failure, but there's also plenty of success. And I, there's plenty of failure, but there's also plenty of success. And I know that success is out there for you too. Make sure if you are looking for work or if you know people that are our send them to LinkedIn, you need to be on LinkedIn showcasing your highlight reel, showcasing why you, showcasing your unique value proposition. What's different and special about you? You really need to rock that right now. You need to ask your friends for help and you need to get connections. If you haven't

been investing in your network and building your network, you need to do that today. If yesterday would have been the better time, today is the time. Step into it and start doing network. Someone said to me today, oh, Heather, your LinkedIn is so strong. How did you do that? Well, here's the thing. I've been on LinkedIn since day one since that platform first came out and business is my thing. So I just have always written about what was going on, what meeting I was in, where I went wrong, what went right, you know, sharing different business stories, challenges, positive, negative, and learnings. And there was never some big picture strategy

or some company managing that for me. I've always just posted about my own experience. So here's the thing, if you're 22 or 52 or 72, you have your own value, you have your own stories, you have your own experience. And when you showcase that, it's going to help others. They will be drawn to you. So share your story, share your perspective.

It takes consistency, it takes posting with frequency is another thing I'm learning, especially right now, and the world that we're living in, if you want your posts to be seen, you're gonna have to post more frequently because so many people are posting online, so many people are online, the game has changed. My posts were getting viewed less,

so we up the frequency and we're being seen more now. Just make sure that you're creating content that's true to you, just be you. Don't try to be a knockoff of somebody else, because it always comes across better when you just show up as you, and that lowers the pressure and the stress for sure. So hoping you are hanging in there,

making the best of your quarantine routine, which you've gotta have, you've gotta rock the routine to stay positive. My Saturday is my cleaning day. I won't even set up a Zoom call with friends on Saturdays because that is my day to make sure that this house is disinfected and clean from top to bottom.

Sounds crazy, but it works for me. Sundays and clean from top to bottom, sounds crazy, but it works for me. Sundays, I'm able to catch up on work, do Zoom calls, do my workout and spend time with my son, but I definitely have structured my week in a whole new quarantine routine. Doesn't look like what my routine was like before, but that's okay, it's working for me now.

And I'm hoping you find the routine that works for you right now and just live in this moment today Because there's always something for us to be grateful for. I'm grateful for you showing up here today supporting me And when you leave me a review it means the world to me. It's a game Changer so please share the show. Please leave a review subscribe if you haven yet, and until next for once in a while. You can miss it. I'm on this journey with me.