Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Now Is The Time To Focus On YOU & Forget Your Villains With Heather! Episode 222

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Surrounding yourself with positive people   Finding peace with your villains   Putting yourself first Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available N...OW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  How do you react when you face your villains? You need to stand up for yourself, because people will treat you how YOU teach them to! Focus on YOU, and release your villains from your life. Let them go! Choose to surround yourself with people who ADD to your life, not bring you down. I’m going to read you a chapter from Confidence Creator so you can learn how to solve problems with confidence and find NEW solutions. Remember to take the time you deserve to prioritize your peace. It’s time to listen to your intuition and focus on you!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, it's me, Food! If I know one thing, it's freshness. Go to Randalls. You'll see, from the hand-cut fresh meats to the fresh produce. There's a reason I call Randalls home. They know fresh. Sincerely food. Sincerely Randalls.
Starting point is 00:00:15 Crunch. What a name for a chocolate bar. Tells you what you're signing up for. Crunch. That glorious combination of crispy rice and 100% milk chocolate, makes Crunch the chocolate bar that's just more fun. It's the mic drop of chocolate. It's chocolate with game. It's chocolate with, what's the word in after? Oh yeah, crunch. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Overcome adversity and set you up for better tomorrow. That's a no-sleeping day. I'm ready for my close time. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. I hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend. And hopefully you got a chance to take a break from work, take a
Starting point is 00:01:06 break from the phone. Oh my gosh, I certainly did. While I'm recording this, I'm just thinking about yesterday and I spent the day with friends and I wasn't on my phone at all. It was such an amazing feeling. And so often it's hard to do that, right? But after you do it, you feel like a million bucks. So challenging you this week or this weekend at some point, pick out a few hours, whatever it is, five hours, seven hours. I don't know. And detach from that phone, you will feel so much better. Go outside for a walk, go to the beach, whatever it is for you. I'm a beach person. We were definitely at the beach. And it was so worth it, so fun. And I actually want to get into one of the conversations
Starting point is 00:01:44 that one of my friends brought up. But I first, I don't want to forget to answer your question. So I'm going to answer a question that I received DM on Instagram. Okay. Hey, Heather. Listen to overcome your villains on Audible and then conference creator. You are an inspiration. Now I'm listening to your podcast and recommending it to others.
Starting point is 00:02:02 So helpful. Oh my gosh, you guys, when you share the show, or your feedback on the books or the show with anyone, it helps me so much. You have no idea. And so often I get notes from people saying, I'm sure you don't need the help, but let's just put it out there. Yeah, I need the help. Right. It's a super competitive industry, whether you're an author, a speaker, or a podcast host, there are thousands of other people that do the same thing I do.
Starting point is 00:02:29 So I'm always fighting for how can I get heard? How can I get shared? How can people recommend? We live in a review and recommendation world and it is really helpful when someone says, hey, I listen to the show, I love it, and I think you'll love it too. So whenever you can do that, it means the world to me.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Yes, I need your help. Nobody succeeds alone, including this girl right here. Okay. So I had a few of my villains were in the church. This is interesting because I have not received a note like this before. Really, I found this very interesting, not that I'm shocked by the way, by this because villains can be everywhere, right? They are everywhere, by the way. Okay. So a few of my villains, by the way. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:03:05 So a few of my villains are in the church. There was a transition during this time. It goes into some detail, which I don't want to get into, but talking about, you know, different people within the church and how from one situation or another, people were getting angry. You know, and it's interesting. The church is like the one place you think this kind of stuff wouldn't happen. People wouldn't be villains.
Starting point is 00:03:25 They wouldn't be saying nasty things. They wouldn't be getting angry yet. It happens everywhere. I feel like I had to take their nonsense because I loved my job and I loved the church, which I get that too. I needed flexibility for my family, my kids, and I thought I had such a good situation.
Starting point is 00:03:40 I didn't want to ruin everything for my family. And my family was involved, right? Because it's church, people. I get it. After all this craziness, I ended up leaving. So that was, I'm sure, a very hard decision. However, absolutely the right decision. Because when you're surrounded by villains,
Starting point is 00:03:57 you're never gonna reach your potential. You're never gonna attract your right people. And you're never gonna find peace for yourself, right? And this whole life is about finding peace and joy. And I'm so proud of you for making that very difficult decision. I see how complex it is when when things get involved with the church. I really do understand, have a lot of empathy for that. Okay. So she goes on to say none of these people that, you know, her villains really realize the extent of, you know, basically the abuse they were causing this woman, which that happens very often, right?
Starting point is 00:04:27 Most people, it's easy to see situations in others. It's very hard often to see it in yourself. I find this all the time with people. I'll sit down and talk with my friends and they'll explain a situation to me and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so clear. Here's the answer. However, certainly isn't that easy for myself when I'm saying, how do I grow my show? Why am I not selling millions of books yet?
Starting point is 00:04:48 I can't point to it real quick and figure out the answer, but it's very easy for others to do that sometimes. So I'm not shocked that they didn't realize the extent of how horrible they were being to this woman. I'm sure PS, I relate this back to my own life and my story. I'm sure the woman that harassed me at work, I'm sure she knew I relate this back to my own life and my story, I'm sure the woman that harassed me at work, I'm sure she knew that it wasn't ideal or it wasn't being really nice, but I bet she didn't think it was the worst thing in the world to the extent of which I knew
Starting point is 00:05:14 it was. It's so much more obvious on the outside looking in and sometimes it's really hard to identify and when it is you. I get that, I believe that, that makes sense. What do you do when you encounter your villain now? Okay, I'm gonna pause right there. So, number one, and I get asked this question a lot, I have never run into that woman again.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Isn't that funny? Because she lives in Naples, she is the CEO of a company in Naples, Florida. And what's funny, I live in Miami. However, I'm on the board of directors of a company headquartered in Naples, Florida. And what's funny, I live in Miami. However, I'm on the board of directors of a company headquartered in Naples, Florida, right? So I have to go over to Naples pretty often, right? At least once a quarter.
Starting point is 00:05:53 So multiple times a year, I'm in Naples. Naples is a very small city. And the hotel that I typically stay at over there, which is funny, it was the same hotel that I would stay at when I worked for her company. You know, one day it was so random. It was leaving the hotel after a board meeting and packed up my car. And I saw there was a lot of people in the hotel and I wondered, oh, maybe there's a conference or something. I don't know. Whatever. You know, I got
Starting point is 00:06:17 my car and took off. I end up getting a text from a good friend of mine from Miami, who happened to be in Naples on vacation with his family, staying at the same hotel I had just checked out of, the irony is crazy. And he texted me to say, oh my gosh, take a look at this. And he took a picture. It was the annual conference for the company I used to work for. And it was happening at the same hotel. I was staying at for my board meeting. And I just didn't hang, you know, I didn't go in to eat breakfast or whatever before I
Starting point is 00:06:44 left or lunch or whatever it was. I just grabbed my stuff and left once the meeting was done. So I was in the same hotel with that woman, my villain, and I did not see her. So sort of interesting. So I haven't run into my villain to answer her question and answer a question. I'm asked very often. I haven't. So I don't know necessarily how I would respond.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I think I know, but you don't know until you're in it, right? There's nothing that matches being in it. What I can tell you is that woman who fired me, she had a right hand, our general counsel at the time, back when I worked at the company. And they were a fricking frack. They did everything together. They hated on me together, right? They were just not very nice.
Starting point is 00:07:21 And I ran into the GC on a flight right before COVID hit. I was leaving LA and flying back to Fort Lutterdale. And she was on the same flight that I was. And I'll tell you, my heart started racing. It was the craziest thing. And what I want to explain to everyone about this is your body will naturally be triggered by certain people or situations, smells, locations, whatever it is because your brain is just hardwired that way, right? So for me, I worked side by side with this GC for 14 years. She always treated me terribly.
Starting point is 00:07:58 In the end, her and her body fired me, right? It was a very negative experience. I didn't stand up for myself very often, so I didn't feel good about it. Seeing her face triggered that feeling and emotion inside me up. Oh my gosh, they treat me horrible. I hate seeing them at work. I can't stand it. I felt so emotional. It took me back to that time when I had worked with them and, ugh, I didn't like it. I actually text my friend from the plane who still worked with that old company. And I said, oh my gosh, I just ran into the GC. I'm sweating bullets.
Starting point is 00:08:28 I can't believe that she's here. And he writes back, whoa, slow down. You don't even have to work with her anymore. What do you care? You should be jumping up and down saying, hey, I'm living my best life. I don't have to work with this jerk anymore. You know, it was so obvious to him.
Starting point is 00:08:42 It wasn't to me emotionally charged in the moment. But I felt so grateful to say, he's right. I should be jumping up and down. I don't have to work with that nasty lady. And I'm seeing her and I'm remembering how bad it felt to be around her. And I don't have to feel like that anymore. And I'm so grateful. So, you know, that actually reminds me of there's a scientific experiment called Pavlov's Law, just all about scientists training dogs that whenever they hear a bell, they're going to be fed. And then that happening is the minute they'd hear the bell, their body would start reacting as if they had already eaten, their mouth would salivate. And then they'd remove the food and it would take a while for them to be unconditioned
Starting point is 00:09:21 from that bell. Well, this woman, this general counsel, she was the bell to my body to signify upset fear, anger, resentment, whatever, these emotions where I was holding. And it worked. I was triggered immediately. I didn't do anything. I went and sat in my seat. But luckily, I reached out to this friend who still worked
Starting point is 00:09:39 with her and said, oh, she's still nasty. Has ever horrible, has ever jumped up and down. You don't have to work with her and be grateful. And it really helped me flip that perspective. So here we go. So, you know, she wanted to know how I reacted when I saw my villain. I didn't, I saw one of my villains and I really, you know, kept it together.
Starting point is 00:09:54 I did not, I didn't say anything to her, by the way, I just walked right by. I kept my head held high and wasn't about to smile or say hello to her. Okay, she says, all right, well, my villain acts as if we're on great terms, like basically has nothing bad ever happened. She left quietly, you know, trying to take the high road,
Starting point is 00:10:11 which I totally, I get it. She said, I'm grateful because leaving me has led me to a better career, but still just yuck. Right, like it's almost as if, and I get this, you feel like this lady's getting away with something. She treated you terribly, and now she's acting like your buddies. Total BS, right? So to me, I would probably say something in a calm manner, but you need to stand up for
Starting point is 00:10:35 yourself. And here's the thing. People will treat you the way you teach them to. Now, another thing I know is you want to forgive people, you want to let go of anger and move on, and that's a process that took a long time for me to do that, but it benefited me in the end. The more I used to focus on how nasty that lady was, the more I would focus on how upset she made me, the more upset and angry I stayed, and the less I put my time and energy onto building my business, and my life that I was creating, right? So once I finally forgave her, let go of her, released her from my life,
Starting point is 00:11:06 I was no longer tethered to her in any way. I didn't have to spend my time thinking about her, seeing how the company performance was going. I let it go. And once I let it go, my business started building more because I put my attention to my energy there. So that's number one I would say is, fine forgiveness in your heart, not for them,
Starting point is 00:11:24 but for you undo those tethers. They're no longer tethered to you. You've taken the high-rolled, you've moved on, you made the right decision for you, you put yourself first, cheering you on, so freaking amazing that you did that, and start putting your time, energy, and effort towards the things that you want to create in your life, and let go of that past. Okay, that's number one. Promise you it works. Not saying it's easy, but it is simple. Okay, now she goes on to say, hey, can I clarify a little? I sometimes meet up with people back from the church because we're still friends. Of course, occasionally we're at an event and people, you know, a lot of people from the church are there and everyone's kind of showing up to support one another and they're happy to see that woman.
Starting point is 00:12:04 And then I'm in an awkward situation, you know, because some people are still in relationships with her and it just doesn't seem right for me to treat her coldly and then raise questions, I just don't feel like answering. And yet it doesn't feel right to sit and act like things are fine. So, okay, first of all, you got to check in with the one voice and opinion that matters and that's your own and it always will be your own. Like, forget about everybody else for a minute. Tune out the noise around you. I get that there's people there
Starting point is 00:12:31 and you don't want them to be taken aback by something you say, but you have to focus on you first, right? It's not about them, it's about you and you can't control how other people's feel or what they're gonna say. Anyways, frankly, it's none of your business, right? That's about them, move on. But when you think about you, what in your mind, say. Anyways, frankly, it's none of your business, right? That's about them. Move on. But when you think about you, what in your mind,
Starting point is 00:12:47 if there's no consequence, there's no fear, you're the most confident person in the world, you're scared of nothing, what is it that you would be right for you to do? And if that answer is that you would want to walk up to that woman and say, hey, I'm making it up. Hey, Jen, good to see you. Can I speak to you in private for a quick moment
Starting point is 00:13:02 and go into a separate area and say, listen, I fought long and hard about this. When I left, I didn't really get into why I left. However, I just want to say this, things did not end well with you and I. I've forgiven you and released you from what's happened. However, when you come up to me and want to engage in small talk, as if we're friends, I don't feel the same way. We aren't friends, things didn't end well. And while I don't want to go back and rehash us up, I certainly don't want to fight with you. I wish you well.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Like I said, I forgive you and I move on, but I also don't want to pretend we're friends when we're not. I hope you understand that and I wish you the best. And I would walk away, right? That's, to me, that's like taking the high road yet owning what really happened and not playing this game of, oh, let's pretend everything's amazing. And we had no problems, right? Because I do get it. It's like that person's getting away with it. Now, you don't need to raise a red flag and start shouting
Starting point is 00:13:58 from the rooftops for everyone to hear that that person is a complete jerk and bad person. People will find that out in time. And I promise that. And I go back to my villain. I remember when I first got fired, so many people would say, are you going to call everybody and tell them what she did and how she stabbed you in the back? And I thought, no, why would I do that?
Starting point is 00:14:19 That's wasting my time. I mean, the truth is what it is. And listen, the truth will come out in the end. But at that time, it's kind of like this David and Goliath story in my situation, or I felt it was that there was this huge company, hundreds of millions of dollars annually billing a year. She was just appointed CEO stepping into, you know, taking total charge of this huge job and huge opportunity. And I was this one person that got cast out, you know, hey, you don't get any money, don't get any severance, you get nothing go, and you have a non-compete.
Starting point is 00:14:47 You can't stay in the industry, best of luck, get out. And so it felt like that David and Glyath moment, what would happen? Cut to, here we are almost five years later, and her company is not doing well, it's stock trading at like a dollar, I think. And my business is growing and building. Things play out on their own. You don't have to sabotage someone. You don't have to be as nasty as they were.
Starting point is 00:15:08 You speak your truth, you own your truth. You share your story with and how and whoever you want to, but you don't have to sabotage them to get even. In fact, I recommend not doing that. I certainly did not go make phone calls to people to say, hey, I want you to know how she did me wrong. You know, I just thought, people are going to find out who this lady is in the end. And if they want to be friends with her, that speaks to who they are. I'm not that kind of
Starting point is 00:15:32 person. I'm not going to, you know, cheer someone on when they're stabbed people in the back and are nasty and backhanded. But at the same time, I'm not going to go waste my time making phone calls, trying to make sure everybody hears my side of the story. And I also feel like that's when you become more confident. When you realize I don't need to be concerned with how everybody else is gonna respond, what they're gonna think, what they're gonna do, I need to be listening to the one voice in opinion that matters, that's my own.
Starting point is 00:15:57 And I need to do what's right by me. And I'm gonna learn along the way, right? Like I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm not gonna do everything, right? But I'm gonna learn along the way, right? Like I'm going to make mistakes. I'm not going to do everything right, but I'm going to learn along the way and grow on the mistakes and the flaws that I have and continue to move forward the best way that I can. And as you do that, those right people will show up for you.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Those good people, they're out there. And when you fire those villains, you start attracting those right people to your life. So to this woman that had wrote that really nice message about the church and the challenge she was having, I truly believe for you, it's about forgiving that woman in your mind, you don't need to tell her that, or if you don't want to, whatever, how it works for you. But so that you take your energy back and your attention back
Starting point is 00:16:37 and start putting it on the things that you want to focus on and you want to grow it, your new business and with your family. And the next time you do see her, I would recommend taking her to side for a minute and just letting her know that you're not friends and you're not enemies, but that you need to call it out because there's some reason that she's missing
Starting point is 00:16:55 something, maybe she doesn't realize that you felt really badly about the way she treated you, but you just need to let it be known that you forgive her, that you're moving on from it, but that you're also not looking to be friends and that you wish her the best of luck. So that's how I would handle it. I don't know, I'm interested to hear how you would handle it
Starting point is 00:17:10 or what you think about that. But yeah, I agree, saying nothing and turning a blind eye to bad behavior is never the right answer for sure. National security experts are warning. Our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked a third time at power station in North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking
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Starting point is 00:21:08 And that what she's noticing now that it's 2022 is that she never really got back to that commitment and discipline of working on personal development all the time, and that she's noticed her confidence is dipping a little, which is totally normal. Like anything, if you stop going to the gym for well, you're not gonna be as strong.
Starting point is 00:21:24 If you take your attention and focus off of pushing yourself to that next level, stepping into your confidence, growing your confidence, you're gonna build it and grow it. If you forget about it and ditch it for a while, it's gonna start to erode. That's very normal. So I thought it was such a big deal
Starting point is 00:21:38 that she acknowledged that, you know, she got really clear on what her goals were and she started talking about, I'm gonna have to start doing things differently. I'm gonna have to start focusing on my personal development again. I'm going to have to start focusing on building my confidence again. And when I get to that point, here's what I want to do. Here's what that's going to look like.
Starting point is 00:21:54 So I was so happy for her to hear. We all hit bumps in the road. Geez, COVID's beyond a bump. Obviously, COVID was a nightmare for many people in myself. First world problems, but I was so proud to hear it. Yeah, okay, we took a step back. Maybe we didn't make the right decisions for a moment, but we can get back up. We know what success looks like, and we can rebuild it again. So it was such a big moment for her. She declared that goal that she wants to go after. She knows what she needs to look like in order to achieve that goal. And she's taking the step starting today to work on her
Starting point is 00:22:29 personal development, to work on her confidence, to start pushing herself, to start reading the books that she was reading before. Start listening to a podcast like this one, you know, that are going to encourage her to make that leap, to talk to the friends and allies and mentors in her life that are cheering her on and helping her grow, not the ones that wanted to fail. So you have those same choices every single day. You know, one of the best pieces of advice that same woman gave me was I drive a ton
Starting point is 00:22:55 because my son goes to school very far away and we're in the car lap. And she said, why don't you start listening to audible books and podcasts when you're driving? For some reason, I just had never done that. I always listened to music, right? And so now I look forward to being in the car oftentimes because like, oh, great. I get to pick up on this personal development book or this great podcast I'm learning from. And, you know, now being in the car is an opportunity to learn and grow. So see where you can fit in personal growth. See if you can do it while you're driving in the car.
Starting point is 00:23:24 A lot of that's something that maybe traffic is bad where you live like Miami. Oh my gosh, it's insane. So now it's actually something, it's a great time for me. It's my personal development time when I'm in the car and I actually get excited. And here's the thing, frequency cells, right?
Starting point is 00:23:39 The more you hear messaging over and over again, the more it is ingrained in your subconscious, that means the more you just defer to it immediately. McDonald's does not run one advertisement a day. They run hundreds, if not thousands of ads a day. They want to be ingrained in your subconscious that when you're hungry, oh, McDonald's, they have whatever their little jingles. So it's using that same methodology that advertisers use to affect and impact you so that you're, whatever their little jingles. So it's using that same methodology that advertisers use to affect and impact you so that you're thinking about their products when you don't even know you're thinking about them. Use that information, use that research and methodology,
Starting point is 00:24:16 but use it based on your strategy. So for me, if I'm getting into thoughts or things and my thoughts are powerful, I'm constantly listening to audible books in my car that are reminding me what you focus on is going to determine where you go. What are you focusing on right now? Right, so I'm in this window of time right now. That's something I'm working on and really making sure I'm not focusing on the negative situation in the past that I worked with because that's just going to draw me backwards. I want to focus on where I'm going, what I'm creating, where I'm moving to, what my new product is next, right? Like all these
Starting point is 00:24:48 exciting things and I want to put my energy and efforts towards that and I want that for you to. So be really clear on the information that you're accessing daily frequency cells. If you're around negative people all the time, it will impact you negatively. Fire your villains. Say you have a business idea, but you're not sure what to do next. Don't go into debt spending four plus years on a degree. Listen to the Millionaire University podcast. Learn how to run a successful business and graduate rich, not broke.
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Starting point is 00:26:29 They know fresh. Sincerely food. Sincerely Randalls. Okay, now I want to read a quick chapter to you from my first book, Components Creator, because it is brought up to me very often. And I'm super excited to tell you, I can't give you the whole thing now
Starting point is 00:26:45 But I'm creating a new product that will be coming out this year hopefully very soon Thing is with creating products there can be random delays, but let's hope it's gonna be very soon Let's hope in the next couple of weeks I'm gonna be announcing it and you can get it and see it and I can't wait. It's so amazing. I'm so proud and Yes, I have no idea how well it's going to do. People always say to me, you know, how did you know confidence creator would do really well? I didn't know. I had no idea if I would sell one book or one million. I didn't know if it would do well in a week or in 10 years. I don't know. But I'm willing to stand behind things that
Starting point is 00:27:20 align with who I am, resonate with me, and I have a good feeling about. They all don't do well. There are plenty of things that I created. I launched a skincare line with a company, failed, epic fail. I launched my partnership for clothing line with Perry Ellis International Fail. Right, so there's lots of things that have failed
Starting point is 00:27:39 along this way over the past four years that I've test and try things, but I know this. And I know this from working in an industry that didn't change and evolve. Doing nothing is death. Right? Staying with the old and what has worked in the past will not deliver you to a bigger, better, bolder future. I do believe, test, try. I've been working with one of my clients on how to acquire new clients,
Starting point is 00:28:01 and he's only ever done it the way through his sales team. And so I start talking to him about that's an old way of doing business. We need to look at partnerships. We need to look at getting you on on virtual stages where you can affect and potentially reach thousands of potential customers at one time. The conversations go on and on, but it's a very different way of looking at acquiring business versus being someone who just relies on the way that you've always done it.
Starting point is 00:28:26 So stop relying on the way that you've always done it. Start thinking about how else can you solve a problem, what new way can you invent, and how can you innovate, and you will start to do that. Okay, chapter one, confidence creator. Remind yourself. Mom, can you write on my shoes? That's what my nine-year-old son, Dylan, asked me at 6.30 in the morning before school. It was rushing around the kitchen, trying to make breakfast and get his bag pack before we had to fly out the door,
Starting point is 00:28:52 and he's asking me to write on his shoes. What? How are you up? We're going to be late. I saw that he was holding out one of his basketball sneakers and a sharpie. I knew he had a game that night, but still had no idea what he was talking about. What am I writing? I want you to write, you can do all things on the bottom of my shoe. I think he saw the blank look on my face, so he explained. Mom, no matter how good you are
Starting point is 00:29:17 and no matter how talented you are, every once in a while, you need to remind yourself when you're in a tough spot, you have to remember who you are. You can't feel confident every minute of every day. True story. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How brilliant was this? I wrote out the phrase for him and marker on the bottom of his shoe, and I handed it back to him. He ran off and finished packing his bag while I watched him and stunned silence. I couldn't get over what had just happened.
Starting point is 00:29:45 My son taught me the importance of reminders. I literally cried. I was 41 and still struggling with my confidence. It took me years to learn how to believe in myself. He was nine, but he was already capable of creating a confidence safety net that he could turn to for support when he needed it. At the time, I was a CRO for a radio company. Because of my job and my role in various charities, I was often required to speak in front of large groups of people at functions, but it wasn't always easy for me. I would feel nervous before I would take the podium.
Starting point is 00:30:17 I'd look out to a CFAI's who were all staring at me and I would feel doubt-creepin. I would question myself, that's not a comfortable position to be in. Deep down, I knew that I was capable, but there were times when I found it difficult to call on that confidence. Dylan was right. We need to support ourselves during challenging moments. So after that talk with my son, I took a page from his playbook.
Starting point is 00:30:41 I started to write little reminders on my shoes. Whenever I found myself nervous about making a speech or attending a big meeting. One month later, I was asked to speak at a charity luncheon for an organization called City Year Miami. They mentor inner city youth to give them the direction they need to get through school without dropping out. Many of those kids didn't have a support system. Many were impoverished and living in dark places. They
Starting point is 00:31:05 were just trying to get by. It wasn't easy to have confidence and trust in yourself when growing up in that environment. So one thing I wanted to stress on my speech was that those kids could learn confidence. Confidence is a skill that can be learned and not one that they had to be born with. What better way to prove that than by using myself as an example. At the end of my speech, I told that story about my son and the message he wanted me to write on his basketball shoe. I brought the actual shoe up with me to the podium. I even showed everyone the message that I wrote on the bottom of my heels that morning.
Starting point is 00:31:36 The very next day, I was sitting at my desk at work when I opened up my email and saw that my mailbox was filled with messages from my friends and co-workers who attended the luncheon. They had all sent me pictures of the notes they wrote on their shoes. I love me. I deserve better. I can do this. I am not alone. The messages went on and on. The ladies have really got into it. Today, I write reminders to myself on my computer. I have reminders that pop up on my iPhone. I hide some inside my clothes around my house. I even have a picture frame that says, hello, gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:32:10 I sometimes forget where I put them. So when I come across one, it will always bring a smile to my face. More importantly, those reminders have a lasting impact. We all need people who pick us up when we're down. But sometimes, it's a job that we can do ourselves. Playing a role in our own rescue is the ultimate key. Sometimes it's as simple as having access to reminders. If you ever see me at an event, you can bet that I'll have a supportive message on the bottom of my heels. Okay, that was
Starting point is 00:32:40 chapter one from Conference Creator. If you love that book, go to Audible and get it. It's an audible bestseller, Confidence Creator. And yes, your girl narrates it. Okay, until next week, keep creating your confidence, keep pushing yourself to that next level and keep reminding yourself of what you are capable for. If you can share the show, it will mean the world to me, tag me in it, I will always repost and reshare.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Keep creating your confidence. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting.
Starting point is 00:33:58 I interview A-list guests on Young & Profiting. I've got the best guest. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark, Damon John, serial entrepreneurs, Alex and Leila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose. Every episode is jam-packed with advice that's going to push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously,
Starting point is 00:34:26 which is why I'm known as the podcast princess, and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcast is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you, it's an advanced show. As long as you wanna learn and level up, you will be forever young. So join podcast royalty and subscribe
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