Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Paula Faris: Your Work Is Not Your Worth Episode 55

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

How do you identify yourself? Do you find yourself stating your profession when you introduce yourself to others or feeling defined by your job, especially when your career feels like your calling? Paula Faris shares her story of slowing down in order to lean out of the idea that her vocation is what gave her value and lean into who she discovered she really was at her core. The process lead her to understand that “your work is not your worth” and your identity is not wrapped up in the “doing” but rather in what your unwavering true values are. About the Guest: Paula Faris worked as an American journalist and television correspondent for ABC News. She is known for her tenure as co-anchor of Good Morning America Weekend from 2014–2018 and as co-host of The View from 2015–2018. She has been married to John Krueger since September 23, 2000 and they have three children. She went on to write "Called Out" a deeply personal book written with passion and conviction. This book reflects on what it truly means to be called, how to move past the fear holding you back, and how to walk in God's path for you. Get the book Called Out: Why I Traded Two Dream Jobs For A Life Of True Calling Listen to her podcast Journey's of Faith Finding Paula Faris: Twitter & Instagram: @paulafaris To inquire about the May coaching program opportunity email me here: [e-mail] Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Membership eligibility and product restrictions apply in our subject to change. USAA means United Services Automobile Association and its affiliates. San Antonio, Texas. Cheerity, cheerity, cheerity! ABC Tonight. This batch of the rat came for the fairy tale. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. But things get real. I have such a great group of guys.

I've seen myself with each of them. Real fast. The beat I've just exploded. You did me dirty. Are you kidding? Your pose is on the chest, but who's to say I can't clip that off. The Each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's your new safety. I'm ready for my close time. Hi, and welcome back.

I'm so excited that you're back here with me again this week. It means the world to me. I'm hoping that you are staying safe, feeling well in this crazy, uncertain time. I don't know what's happening where you live, but for me, Miami is quote unquote, opening up next week. I don't even know what that means other than,

I guess I can get my hair colored, which is freaking phenomenal news. But then it's super scary. And I'm going nuts being quarantined in my home with my 12 year old. We do not leave at all. And we're healthy and safe and grateful for that, but I'm definitely stir crazy.

I've snapped a few times the past two weeks, which has not been my finest moments. And I really miss the outside world and interacting with people. So I don't know about you. I don't know what this whole opening up thing means, but it's going to be interesting over the next couple weeks here in Miami

to see what happens, what unfolds, and what the new norm becomes for the next couple of months, I guess, until we get a more serious solution for this other than wash your hands. So, okay, so this is super interesting. I, as you know, I'm sure as you know, I wrote and self published my first book, Confidence Creator.

It was actually two years ago, this week that it came out, so freaking crazy, by the way. It trumped Trump for number one in business biography on Amazon's business list, the first week that it came out and did really well. However, what's so interesting is it's been having a resurgence lately and I think it's as a result of my LinkedIn and I've been posting like a madman on LinkedIn.

If you're not on LinkedIn, oh my gosh, get on there. Upgrade your resume, upgrade your headline, take a look at your headshot and the back wall on your LinkedIn page, add some value, add some testimonials and really showcase your highlight reel. Well, I've been doing all those things for a long time, many, many years, and so I've got a great audience and community on LinkedIn, and somehow my book has been spoken about a lot lately, which made me want to read a chapter to you, which is so surreal,

by the way, because I was never supposed to write a book, right? I was the social one, I was the sales and sales leadership one, and it's funny that now I have a book, and this chapter has been brought up to me a number of times, so I want to read it to you, and that's just crazy that I'm telling you that I'm reading you a chapter for my book. But I love it and I've been hearing a lot about it. So I want to share it with you. It's chapter 28 and it is entitled Just Ask in order to get what you want. Sometimes all you have to do is ask. That's it. Some situations require a little bit of finesse, but it all comes down to how you ask. Recently I was at Adolph dolphin's game. I remember this so funny.

And my girlfriend wanted to get a plastic cup for her husband, but plastic cups apparently are held hostage at certain stadiums. We were at one of those stadiums because she asked nicely and was denied the cup. She came over to me and asked, Heather, could you work your magic? And that made me laugh. Working my magic meant that I would go up to the counter and convince someone to give me a cup. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where it's difficult to ask for what you want, try to remember my 10 basic rules. Okay, number one, you have to have courage. You will only ever get what

you have the courage to ask for in life. This is true in the stadium and this is true in real life. So why not ask for what you want? If you don't, someone else will and you are going to be so bummed out that they got the plastic cup that was meant for you. Number two, stay confident. Get your mind right before you act. Sometimes that's channeling Beyonce's Sasha Fears. I convinced myself that nothing will knock me down.

On point, I've got this. Do whatever you have to to get your mind right. Listen to your music that fires you up. That's what I always do. Think of a time you achieve something so far beyond your dreams. Grab onto that feeling and use it as motivation and proof that this can work too. By the way, I'm ad living in and out of this chapter. It's kind of funny.

Okay. Number three, smile. That's what I'm doing right now. Never underestimate the power of a friendly smile. People can hear your smile. I bet you can hear mine. When you approach a stranger with a big smile, it's hard not to smile back. You have also opened the door for a conversation.

Number four, consider your approach. When you walk up to someone you don't know, you have to be friendly and authentic. For me, that means being upbeat and optimistic. For you, it might mean cracking a joke or giving a compliment. But be yourself, put your best foot forward and make a quick connection that starts with eye contact. Number five, give off a good vibe.

The vibe you put out is usually the vibe you're gonna get back. When you stand tall, smile, and are open to meeting others, you are more likely to get that same attitude back in return. Make it clear that you are there to be positive and you're asking for help. People have a hard time saying no and someone asks nicely.

Number six, prepare yourself to be uncomfortable. This is for help. People have a hard time saying no and someone asks nicely. Number six, prepare yourself to be uncomfortable. This is for sure. There is that brief period after you ask for what you want when you have to wait for the response. That is when things get a little uncomfortable. It's so easy to walk away or just doubt yourself. Power through that moment. Smile. Don't say anything at all. Let things play out before you respond. He or she who speaks first after the ask always loses. Number seven, be relentless. Relentlessness doesn't have to be negative. Once someone answers with the reason why they can't give me what I want, I usually say something like, I know you can do this. Come on. I'm sure there's a way we can make this happen together. Often people are very surprised by that and

they quickly give you what you ask for in the first place. You just want to make sure that you remain positive and friendly the entire time not attacking them. Number eight, do not accept a no. If you've truly tried everything and you keep getting turned down, then you need to kick it up another level. I'd suggest saying something like this. I know you can't make this happen, but is there someone else who can? Is your boss able to do this? Is he or she here? Don't take a no from someone who can't give you a yes. That is a cardinal sin. Number nine, be ready to pivot. Conversations can take a turn in any moment. You need to be ready to laugh or ultimately meet with a manager

who might be annoyed that you called them over. Be ready for anything and try to have fun with it. Number 10, practice makes perfect. Oh, this is so true. If you practice these steps time and time again, you will become an ask ninja. That's me. You will become the person your friends turn to when they need the plastic cup at the football game. You have nothing to lose. The most important thing to remember is that you didn't have the cup when you started. So it's not the

end of the world if you don't get it. Now, just be careful what you ask for. So people love that chapter. It works. My 10 steps work. And PS, of course, I got the cup at the football game. Just FYI, I had to throw that in there. I don't know why I didn't put that in the book. But yes, I got the cup. Okay. So that was just a chapter out of confidence creator, some of my very directional tactical steps that I take to achieve success and overcome challenges. And I think you'll love it because I've been getting this great feedback lately, which is so surreal that it was two years ago

that it came out. And even more surreal that next week, I have scheduled a conference call with my new publisher for my new book that's coming out next year. This is so bizarre. Time is such a powerful and weird thing. It really is mind blowing to me.

Okay, so today I'm really excited to get into a conversation that I think that you're going to take a lot of value from. My guest had really identified with her role, her job, her title as who she was. And as you know, I relate to her title, as who she was. And as you know, I relate to this so much because when I was a chief revenue officer in corporate America, I had done the same thing.

And when I lost that title, I started questioning who am I without that title. And it's a scary, weird feeling when you first start digging into it, but what you ultimately find is your title is not who you are. It never was who you are. And getting that wake up call and separation really empowers you to be yourself and find confidence within you, not in something outside of you.

So it's a really, it's an important experience, one that I'm grateful for. Again, I'm a couple years past it now. So I can say that. I probably wouldn't have said that two years ago, I was still freaking out. But now that I have that space, I'm super grateful that I work for myself. I'm grateful that my job is something I do. It's not who I am. And I'm definitely the most confident version of myself today because I've overcome these

different challenges. But today, I am not telling you my story. I've brought someone who's got such an exceptional story and who's going to break it all down for you. So today, you're going to meet Poliferous. She was a senior national correspondent at ABC News, host of the popular podcast, Journeys of Faith with Poliferous.

She gives an intimate look at how some of the world's most influential people lean on faith and spirituality and the best and worst of times. She's an Emmy award-winning journalist. She was previously the co-anchor of Good Morning America and the co-host of that show, You Know It, The View. I mean, this lady is freaking powerhouse. She has totally reinvented herself and she

chose to walk away from all of this, the view from Good Morning America and she's happier now. I think you're really going to like this conversation and how she explains how important it is to separate who you truly are from what you do. So I hope you enjoy this interview. I can't wait to hear what you think of Paula. I absolutely love her. So hang tight, we're gonna be right back. Yes, each week. Oh, it's on the turn.

All the way. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited today for you to meet my guest, Paula Ferris. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Heather. It's so great to connect with you. Yeah, I'm so excited as we were talking about Authair, your message, your story, and your book

are so ideal for me, for where I'm at and for my audience. And I really want to jump right in. And I really wanna jump right in. Number one, where you were in your career, good morning, America, the view. Like that's right on my bucket list, check, check, and check of what I would die to nail. Tell me a little bit about what, and please don't tell me it was easy.

What did it take to get there? Like what's your story to end up at the height of the media game? I didn't grow up. Heather, thinking that I was going to be a broadcaster. I bet that was not in my vernacular. I didn't look at Diane Sawyer or Connie Tongue and think, that's what I want to be when I grow up. It was actually my high school drama teacher, Mr. Barsoon, who encouraged me to go into broadcasting based upon, you know, my talent and gifts and curious. My nickname was talents and gifts, I'm curious.

My nickname was Paula 20 Questions. I just like to get to the bottom of things. And he would cast me as the narrator in all of our productions. So he said, you should really go into broadcasting. So that's why I did. I had college professors speaking life into it as well when I enrolled.

But it took a couple of years, several years out of college before I saw that dream that others had for me. I think sometimes other people have to see the dream for you before you see it for yourself. And many times that's because it's fear. So I was so scared to go after it, to go after on-air broadcasting because I was scared of failure.

I was scared of what people would think of me. I was scared I couldn't hack it. And then when 9-11 happened, I was in radio sales in Columbus, Ohio, making a killing in radio sales a 25 years. Oh, that's my background. I was in radio sales too, and I made a killing attitude. That's so funny.

Yeah. No, and then we both got out. I just got out recently, but you were smart and got out a lot earlier. The money was great, but I knew that I wasn't fulfilling this passion of mine. And so it was 9-11, and I really felt like it was in that moment where I accepted this dream, okay?

And I said, okay, I am going to press into my fear. I quit my job. I didn't have another job lined up. I quit, I gave them two weeks notice. I was making great money, and I walked into this unknown space. I substitute. I gave them two weeks notice. I was making great money and I walked into this unknown space. I substitute taught for a little bit and then I finally got a job in television as a production assistant, which is like the bottom of the totem pole, okay? Making $7 an hour at an affiliate in Dayton, Ohio. And I worked my way up And the news director had told me when he hired me,

he said, you'll never report here because I had expressed that I'm getting back into the newsroom because I want to eventually report. Well, because I knew how to shoot at it and produce, that's what I focused on in college. I was too shy and, you know, too insecure to really focus on being on camera. I worked in the behind the scenes aspect. I've put together a resume reel, which is what we do in TV. You know the drill, but in most industry issue hand a piece of paper and that's your resume in TV, if you want to pursue on air broadcasting you have to hand a tape. It was a VHS tape because this is how many years ago it was. So anyway, I hand my news director this tape that I have made in my spare time. I had borrowed the camera equipment and he liked it and he's put me on the air. So I worked in Dayton. That was my big date. No, I was my big break. And then Cincinnati for three years and then Chicago for six years. And then I've been in New York for nine years, but a lot of moving, a lot of sacrificing, the way. And at the top of my game a couple years ago,

I just was burned out. I was burned out. And I think we're taught that in society, how many books are written about leaning in? And it's always leaning into career, is it not? It's leaning into doing and not leaning into being and just finding out who you are outside of what you do. So I got caught up in this calling, quote unquote,

calling on my life and find that lie that my worth was work and that my value is vocation and I burned out. A professional hide and gering, good morning, America, weekends and the view and then a personal low. My relationships were suffering with my husband, with my kids, my health started suffering and I had that sense in my spirit. I'm a woman of faith.

I know not everyone is, and that's, I respect that. But I had a sense in my spirit that I needed to slow down, and I ignored it for a while because of my fear. I've worked too hard, you know. I can't give this up. People will think I can't have that. I couldn't hack it. They will think that I'm a failure.

I can't give it thought. People will think I can't have that. I couldn't hack it. They will think that I'm a failure. I can't give it up. And then I went through a really trying season, Heather, where within seven months, I write about it in the book. It's the season of how I think you know when higher power, for me, I knew God was trying to get my attention. I had a miscarriage with an emergency surgery, a concussion, and it was not got to work for three weeks. The day I got cleared to go back to work, I was in a head-on car crash. Then I got influenza, which turned into pneumonia, and that was not got to work for three weeks. The day I got cleared to go back to work, I was in a head on car crash. Then I got influenza, which turned into pneumonia, and that was seven months. And I said, okay, I need to slow down.

My professed values are clashing with the choices that I'm making. Everybody's getting my leftovers. And then the toughest part for me is when I did slow down, when I stepped away, I was lost. I didn't know who I was outside of the gig. My identity was in doing. I didn't know who I was outside of the gig. My identity was in doing. I don't know who I was outside of what I did. So that's where a lot of the book is written. It's like knowing your worth outside of what you do and finding

true purpose and true calling that don't shift in shake either with a personal crisis or a pandemic, but just realizing and being rooted in knowing that your worth is not your work, even though that's what society tells you. I'm so confused because I got fired. That's how I was forced out of my world in order to find my purpose and my calling. So it's interesting to me. I don't imagine I would have ever left the way that you did. And I had similar experience, not to the level you did, but I threw my back out. I was losing my hair. I mean, there was every, the universe was trying to get my attention in a big way. And I was not paying attention. So were you happy in those amazing roles at that time or you were over it? You didn't like going to work. No, I think you can be burned out. I was burned

out physically and emotionally, but I still loved what I did. I loved it. But it was because I was burned out physically and emotionally, but I still loved what I did. I loved it, but it was because I was addicted to it. Work and work and accomplishment and achievement. That was my narcotic of choice. It's that was my coping mechanism. So I threw everything into that at the expense of everyone around me. And I'm not gonna say it's endemic of the industry

that I worked in broadcasting or the network. It's who I was and it was the fact that I bought into this lie that my value was in vocation and that my calling was just my career and I pushed and leaned in as hard as I could to that and I still loved it and I feel like I walked away kind of kicking and screaming. I was angry, but I knew within my spirit that I needed to slow down. And I felt like God slowed me down through all of those crazy things that happened to me. Like he literally slowed me down to it is that if you're not going to slow down, I'm going to slow you down. So I felt it in many regards that I didn't have a choice.

I needed to slow down. Otherwise, I was like, I can't take any more of this. Like I was waving the white flag. And what was your family saying were they encouraging you to step away? Yeah, I mean, my husband's always been, you know, pretty supportive, but yeah, I mean, they were encouraging me because they knew that it was an unhealthy lifestyle.

And again, that's not an endemic industry. I'm not trying to disparage the industry that I worked in at all. It was just my reaction, the way that I was handling, the way that I was leaning in and pressing in, to be extent where everyone got my leftovers. So my family was really happy when I decided to take a step back and get off the fast track. The whole thing is so bizarre. I mean, I'm so happy for you,

but to try to process the courage and the fear that you must have faced in that moment to decide to resign must have. I was scared as hell. I was scared as hell because I was told by an executive that I was crazy to do it and that it would kill my career. I was told by colleagues that it was crazy. I thought it was crazy. I'm like, what am I doing? I have worked my entire life to get to this point. Isn't this my calling? But that's like we can we throw that word around so much and I think we need to contextualize calling and we have vocational calling on our life. And then we have a purpose or a faith calling.

And one changes and one doesn't. And so often we throw our purpose and identity into vocational calling. And when there's a shift or a change, like how many vocational shifts have you had in your life, Heather? I've had a couple. And when you identify yourself as this one thing and see yourself as this one thing, when there's that inevitable shift, you don't know who you are outside of it. And so that's why it's important to like root into who you are outside of what you do.

I for so long would say, I'm Paul a fairest and I'm a weekend co-anchor at Good Morning America. And I'm a co-host at the view. And that's who I was. Now I don't say that anymore. I say, I'm Paul a fairest. said, my wife, I'm a mother. I love God. I am curious. I ask questions and I can't be in the underdog. That's who I am. You notice that's never going to change

regardless of a vocational shift. That's never going to change regardless of a personal crisis or a pandemic like the one that we're in. I know who I am outside of what I do. I know my worth outside of work, and I didn't for so long. And when that shift happened, I had an identity crisis.

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I had seen myself as chief revenue officer with this title, with this paycheck, with this responsibility. And when I no longer had that, I thought, this is my lane. And I have to get back in this lane. Instead of thinking what my potential was, you know, if there are no lanes, which is sort of what you were describing in that when you're confident in who you are, you can take your talents wherever you'd like to go and be you. Absolutely. And thrive. And it's so interesting because when you see yourself just in that one lane, it's so difficult to imagine there

Don't need to be any lanes and you can just go wherever you want. Amen. And I think that's why you have to peel back the layers. And this is where I think I'm really passionate about this space. I hope that the book not only releases people from believing that their worth is their work. That's a lie. But also believing that there is one thing for the rest of their life. Kill that back, okay? You look back, you just, what are you good at, Heather? What do you love and what other people notice you're good at and you love? For me, my curiosity, I asked questions. I am a communicator.

I thought that I was just a broadcaster. For, I said, I don't know what I would do besides broadcasting. But you peel back those layers and my ability to communicate my curiosity, my nicknames spend 20 questions since I was a kid, my ability to get to the bottom of the story. That can translate in so many different lanes, so many different vocational branches.

We have to give ourselves the permission to see ourselves multi-dimensionally and to peel that back. What am I good at? What do I love and what other people notice I'm good at it? Good at and love. And you can see, for me, it's given me the permission to branch out, to try new things

based on my own talent and gifts, but also to see vocations. Sometimes it's seasonal. Maybe I feel vocationally called to stay home with the kids for a while.. Sometimes it's seasonal. You know, maybe I feel vocationally called to stay home with the kids for a while. And that can be seasonal. I'm knowing that I can on ramp again, even though society tells me I can't off ramp and get back in and so many women are scared to off ramp

because they're told they can never get back in, which is such a lie. But I think we just need to get out of the trap of seeing ourselves as that one thing forever, and ever, and ever, and look at vocation as branches, right? A branch is on a healthy vine. A vine is your purpose, and that's who you are. It's not what you do, and that's never going

to change in your life. So you're guiding purpose, like mine, I say my faith calling in my purpose are to love God and love people. That's who I am, that's never gonna change and the vocation The are like the branches. So I vocational branches growing out of that line and a healthy vine as long as you stay rooted in who you are a Healthy vine can produce many different branches, right? But it's all rooted in that so everything I do my vocational branches all flows from my purpose

Which is just to love God and love people. And for so long, I had it all wrong. I thought my purpose was to be the best broadcaster that I could be. And you see how that's jacked up, how you're setting yourself up, when you tie your purpose and identity so inherently to doing instead of to being. I like that technical term jacked up. I haven't heard that in a while. I haven't heard that in a while. That would be my next book,

that would be the next book. So, but today you're taking your talents to writing a book, you're an author of called Out and you're a podcast host, which makes all the sense based on your unique talents and abilities, even though you didn't see that when you were a broadcaster. Yeah, and I think that's what's been so great about it.

Just being able to get out from the corner and stop backing myself into that corner and thinking myself as that one thing. It's so freeing and releasing to know that as long as I stay connected to my mind, I can branch out and try new things. And I'm not trapped. What I'm doing right now is not the thing that I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. But this thing that I'm doing isn't my identity and purpose either. It's remembering what you're doing and who you're doing it for or why you're doing it.

Like what is your motive, your purpose might be to be a kind person. And so everything flows from that, no matter what vocational branch you're on. And so it's just, I feel like shackles have been taken off. And I know there's a lot of people out there that probably feel tracked, maybe they feel trapped by the paycheck, right? And that's tough, but I think you can feel

in sense in your spirit when it's time to make a change. And if you can ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing and are your core values clashing with the choices that you're making, it might be time to make a shift, but when it's time to make a shift, listen, I had a piece in my spirit that I needed to step away, but I was scared as hell. spirit that I needed to step away, but I was scared as hell. And I think that that is such a fallacy that fear is something that we conquer. A fear is not something that you conquer. In fact, fear is going to rear its ugly head, especially in those moments where you know that you need to make a shift. And for me, I think you should anticipate and expect fear. Fear and peace, though. Like if you have a peace in your spirit, fear and peace can coexist. And so many people think, and I think I erroneously thought, oh, if I'm scared, that means I

shouldn't do it. No, expect it and anticipate fear to be in that moment. But if you feel that sense of peace in your spirit, it's up to you to press into the fear. It's up to you to take that step of faith when you can't see the rest of the staircase. It is on you to take that step. I'm a person of faith. I know that I've been commanded to press into my fear. And I know that God has always met me. We want to see that next chapter, Heather, before we finish writing the one that we're in. And do you think about the most rewarding things, relationships, experiences in your life?

They probably had an element of fear. And the moment you used to press into that, it's up to you, it's up to us to take that step. I can just say, like, that's where the good stuff is. But fear and peace can coexist, they can. So I love how you see fear and the importance you put on stepping into it and I concur 100% because for a long time, I used to believe if I felt fear, it meant hold myself back. Don't

step into it, you know, for whatever reason that that was how I chose to see it. I'm so against that way of thinking now, I choose to see fear is a green light that means go. So instead of stepping back, I think it means accelerate. And every single time I do, no matter how massive the fear is, I'm always so grateful. I stepped into it. No matter what the outcome, I become more confident. I become more powerful. It's almost an adrenaline rush in many regards. You're like, I did that. I conquered that. And no matter like you said, no matter what comes of it, I think we're so scared of pressing into it and then maybe meeting failure on the other side.

I learned so much more from my failures than my successes. I've learned so much more from my flaws than my successes. I think that's what built your character. And we need to give ourselves the grace to fail. And then the grace to move on and to be better for it. And I think that's part of life. Life isn't just about, you know, the picture as grows is, it's about like the dirt underneath and what's happening underneath.

And I think you just have to, yes, you need to take that step, but don't see the failure as a failure. You're, if you're learning from it, you know what I mean? And you have to stop measuring success by what the world says about you. And I just really believe that we need to push back against that narrative about that we have to lean in. And that is our only value because that's such a lie. Because that's just even our children here at what do you you want to do and what do you want to be?

And you have a son, and that's almost telling them that your only value to this society is your vocation. Your only is good as your work. That's the only thing that you can contribute and bring to the table. And we need to focus more on who do we want to be? What kind of person do we want to be? The things that don't

shift and don't shake. The things that define our character, I really feel passionate about empowering people to embrace their purpose and calling outside of what they do and really discover that. And I am a woman of faith. I thought I had it right until I walked away in the rubber met the road and I realized it was jacked up. Your favorite term. I love that. How do you steer people to find their purpose? Because that's a question that I'm asked a lot is, you know, I'd like to live a purpose driven life, but I don't even know what that looks like. And I'm so knee deep in this mess over here. How do I get over there? I think that's a word purpose and calling are some of the words that are thrown around so casually. And yet it's difficult to really articulate what they are, particularly outside of doing. I know for me, I was always encouraged to find my calling, like as if this was the only

my only purpose on this earth. And so when I thought it was broadcast and I was like, yes, this is what I'm here for this is my purpose. I attach my purpose to doing though. And then when there's that shift, I don't know what to do with myself. So I think you need to to find a purpose. And that is your guiding principle, okay? And it has nothing to do with what you do for a living. It is who you are. Now notice my purpose a couple of years ago, I would have said, I'm Paul Aferis, and I'm here to be the best bloodcaster, and I'm the weekend co-anchor of Good Morning America

and co-host of the view. That was my purpose. And then when that world was shifted, I was knocked over, and I didn't know what to do. Now I would say, and I think you need to write out a purpose statement, and it is who you are, and it will never change, ever, not in a personal crisis and it is who you are and it will never change ever, not in a personal crisis and not in a pandemic. So I say, I'm Paula, I love God, I love my husband,

I love my kids and I'm curious and I ask questions. And so it's based on who I am and yes, the talent and gift that I've been given, but the emphasis is not on the vehicle, it's not on the vocation. So for you, what are you good at? What do you love? And what other people notice that you're good at

and you love? Those are your inherent talents and gifts. So right out of purpose statement, that has nothing to do with doing because that is your purpose and that's never going to shift and never going to shake and that's who you are and that's what's going to be written on your gravestone. Not that you were

the CFO, this is who you are as an individual, the what you do and that's the vehicle by which you're going to go about fulfilling your purpose and the what you do, the vocation, is going to change and expect it to change. So don't tie your purpose and identity to that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, when you take on that way of thinking, a pandemic isn't as harsh, because now it's just the vehicle that's changing to deliver your message or your gifts,

it's not about some. I've been furloughed in how am I gonna create value again, because you still have that innate purpose within you and who you are. Yeah, it doesn't shift and it doesn't shake and that's the thing to find that purpose that's unruitable and unshakable and unmovable in a pandemic or in a personal crisis. That's what you need to dig into and that's what you need to define for yourself. Don't buy that live from society or from the faith circles that your purpose

and calling are career driven related, because it's not like you have a purpose which I define as my faith calling and then you have a vocational call. So just make sure you contextualize it and you know who you are outside of what you do. You know, my dad passed away and there's nothing on his great,

he passed away during the writing of my book and there's nothing on his gra, he passed away during the writing of my book. There's nothing on his grave stone that says what he did for a living. It was the type of person he was. That was his purpose during the life. And so that was, you know, his death was a gift in the sense that I saw what was consequential, what was inconsequential. And it was the gift of perspective in realizing that I had it all wrong and I valued myself only as far as my vocation could take me. And when that time came for me to take a step back,

I just had no clue who I was anymore. What a humbling moment for you during such a difficult time to lose someone so special to you that must have been a very tough time for you. Yeah, it was really tough and I read about it in the book. My dad was definitely a flawed human being as we all are and had his insecurities. You know, his life changed in his 40s. He discovered his purpose on this earth outside of what he did. And, you know, he made it a point to be home and to be present. And he made it a point to live that purpose driven life, to love people and to invest in people and relationships. And, you know, a couple of days before he died,

the last conversation that I had with him, I should preface this, but he hadn't suffered a massive stroke in August and then passed away in February. And he was unable to speak, swallow, eat, drink, paralyzed on one side. And so the conversations that I had with him, I had to ask closed-ended questions. So this was on Saturday before he passed away and right before he slipped into a coma. And he was crying and I, and most of the time when he cried, he was crying because he was

an intense pain because his body was just shutting down. He had been intubated. He was on a feeding tube from you know from August until February you're in the last 60 pounds. So I said, Dad, this is the last conversation I had with him. I said, Are you crying because you're sad and he shook his head now and I said, Are you crying because you're in pain and he shook his head now and I said, Are you crying because you're just overwhelmed by the love and memories and the people that are in this room and the love you've been shown and the life that you've lived and he said he's not a guest.

And I mean, that's the last conversation that I have with my dad. That's the type of life I want to live. Those are the kind of answers I want to have. And what a gift that was. And I want to leave that kind of legacy for my children and for my loved ones. I think there's no greater gift than to be able to say that. Wow, that's really, I mean, that's so touching and so beautiful. And you could only ever understand that by going through something like what you had the opportunity,

even though so painful to have that loss, what a beautiful experience and gift that he gave you. That's why I say it was a gift. I mean, as soul-crushing as it was to lose him in the manner that we did, he suffered. He basically starved to death in his body, shut down slowly over the course of, you know, six months. It was a terrible way to go, but in the same breadth, the perspective that he gave us, that was such, such a gift. And I write about it a lot in the book too, you know, my, you know, because a lot of, a lot of us are driven by that corporate culture to move up and, you know, that's where we're told our value and worth and worth lie. And I just want to push back at that notion and I hope that my dad's story,

which is woven in there, my story, the stories of other people, flawed people who've misplaced their significance. I hope that that encourages and equips people to really dig into, you know, a life of two-purpose and three-polyne. You should know what that means already. to really dig into a life of two-purpose and true-quality. You should know what that means already. That's the best kind of notification. That's the sound of another sale on Shopify and the moment another business dream becomes a reality. Shopify is a commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you're selling books or courses, Shopify is simplifies selling online and in person so you can focus on successfully

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to redeem offers, restrictions may, fresh for everyone, must have a digital account to redeem offers. Restrictions may apply, see site for details. What's the impact that you've seen thus far since you've made these changes in your life with your husband and with your children? I think just the gift, like I have a different perspective on who I am and what I do and being able to separate those. It's so freeing the permission to see myself outside of what I do and being able to separate those. It's so freeing the permission to see myself outside of what I do, the permission to branch out all knowing

that my worth is that defined by my work. But just being present, being around more, finding balance, spending time with my family, it's been a huge gift, it has been a huge gift. And I say one thing I like to do, I say that I like to live on my front porch. It's my front porch mentality, I say. So any decision that I'm making, I like to visualize how this 70 year old version

in myself, not the one on their deathbed, that's too depressing. But the 70 year old version, who still has some life in her and some spunk, and she's, you know, I'm drinking a spike to lemonade on my front porch, okay? So like, I take my decision to my 70 year old version who's had a drink or two and I say, how would you have made this decision? And so I try to live with that front porch mentality. So how would my 70 year old version make this decision today? What would her perspective on it be? Would she have done it differently?

Or would she have done it the same? And I think just living with that foresight is something that has really helped me to stay grounded, but to make the right decision, even when it's hard, even when it's really difficult, and to admit when I'm wrong, and to admit when I've got it wrong, front porch mentality,

but she's gotta have a drink at her hand. She's got to. Oh, the weather don't want anything to do with her. She doesn't. Well, Paul, I tell everybody where can they find the book, where they can, where can they find you? Yeah, they can find the book on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, I think target.com, the Walmart.com,

maybe your local bookstores, and you can find me on Instagram or Twitter at Paula Ferrisris and my last name is spelled just like the city of Paris but with an F like Frank. So it's not F A R R or F E R R. It's F A R. I asked and I'm pretty good about responding and I'm really grateful

for the support and would love to hear what you think about the book and where you find yourself and if you like it and feel like giving it a rating or a review. I'd appreciate that but I'm just grateful Heather. Oh my God, this is going on! It's played, I need to know what this is! This woman is born certified crazy, so she is really jacked up at this moment. I am, I am, but no, I'm super grateful for the opportunity to write in. I just really hope that the book, it is not straight memoir, it's the reporter style notebook because I'm a reporter.

So I conduct a lot of interviews and anecdotes from other people's lives and people who get it wrong. And then we're able to correct the course and root into what matters. And I hope that it encourages you but also equips you and shows you how you can do the same thing.

I love it and you just remind me that we can all correct the course. We're all here. We're breathing and we still have that opportunity. And so we did our last breath. We can correct the course. Absolutely. There's grace for everybody. Paula, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it so much and thank you for sharing your story. Thank you Heather. It has been a pleasure. God bless. All right. We'll be right back. I ask you to try to find your passion.

So I hope you enjoyed meeting Paula as much as I did. I really loved her. She's so the real deal, such a positive, kind, wonderful person, and really grateful she shared her story and insights with all of us today because it really helped me and took me back to some memories that made me feel even stronger today. So for my Q&A section that I typically just answer the questions I've been sent, I'll

tell you I've been sent so many questions about getting fired, losing your job, and for everybody in that situation, I keep posting on social media exactly what I did when I got fired, the steps that I took. But the most important thing that I did that I share with people now is not to get too far ahead of yourself. When you do that, it's overwhelming. Get space from media. Don't start thinking about five years from now.

Think about 30 days and map out a 30 day plan because things can change so drastically in just 30 days and you can change your mindset and you can take action and create connections and you can create opportunity that and you can take action and create connections and you can create opportunity that you can't even forecast. A month ago, I didn't know I was gonna launch a mentoring program and I killed it.

I am knee deep in my mentoring program right now. I'm halfway through my May program. I just launched the sign up for my June program, launched the site, launched my first ever Shopify site. It's working because people are signing up, and I'm so grateful for that. So trying all these new things, testing what works, re-evaluating what doesn't,

and trying to constantly become more efficient, more automated, and improved, so that people get a better experience. It's a learning experience like what everyone's going through. I have a huge virtual speech that's coming up next week. I'm super excited for that because I put the reps in. I keep doing them each week so I know next week's going to be a really good one because I've got more practice under my belt. So just like you, I'm in this new space.

I'm reinventing. I'm changing my business. I'm hanging onto what works and letting go of what doesn't. But one of the things that I've noticed this far in on my coaching program for May is that a lot of people don't do this one thing that I do, that I feel like is kind of glaring. Okay, so here it is. I've noticed that people don't look to best of class

or a benchmark. And let me explain what I mean by that. It doesn't matter if I'm dealing with a therapist who's trying to launch her own business, or if I'm dealing with someone who was recently fired that wants to get hired or if I'm dealing with someone that leaving a great job to start their own company, it doesn't matter. These people, none of them are looking at a best of class and what I mean by that is this. For me, when I wanted to find an agent, I wanted to find Rachel Hollis' agent. She was the number one seller in personal development space last year, and I could relate to her messaging. It was not the same as mine, but at least similar. I could look to that as best of class. That

could be the benchmark. She was the number one, you know, most sold personal development book in 2019. That's somewhere that I want to be. This person is going to leave breadcrumbs along the way that will give me some tips and tricks and tools that I can emulate or tap into for my evolution for my journey. So I check out her website. I check out her social profiles. I see what's working. What's not. I see what kind of back end website she uses. I see which publishing house she went with, right? These are all little bits of clues that you can either pick up and run with, or you can let go if you don't want to, but finding that person that really is in this space and is ahead of you is a great idea for you to set some benchmarks for yourself,

goals, and how you could potentially see things unfolding. A lot of people don't do this, and I've walked the therapist through this. I've walked the new business owner through this. You know, let's go out there and identify someone that's light years ahead of where you are right now in this field, in this niche. And let's take a look at someone who's really doing amazing in it. You don't have to copy everything they're doing. And I'm not asking you to do that. I want you to do your own way because that's how it's going to be special, unique, and different. But you're going to see there are certain things

that they're doing that you could learn from and potentially incorporate into your strategy that will allow you to move much faster. I definitely do that all the time. And that's not comparing myself to those people. It's me learning from those people from afar, because they are five or 10 years ahead of us. So that's definitely something that I would suggest implementing.

Another thing that I've noticed is that people aren't celebrating their wins. I've got someone on my team that was giving a big speech, and when she had to prepare for the speech, she had to write out her bio, and she got this real boost of confidence because she saw all that she had achieved. If you haven't written down your bio and your highlight reel in a while, go do that right now. That is such an amazing feeling. I'm constantly reevaluating mine because I'm sending it out for pitches. So I see it all the time and I'm always over here cheering myself on saying, great job, monahead, way to go. I want you to have that feeling in that moment to see how much you've achieved

and feel confident in who you are and why you are going to succeed and why you will continue to be successful. Another thing that I noticed is a lot of people don't find the answers within and that's surprising to me. They want someone else to tell them. And I used to be that way, but I've learned that the person that's always going to have the right answer for me is me. And the more I tune into my intuition, I tune out the noise everywhere else, and I find that right answer. So that's one of the things that I'm working with some of my people on is, you know, you've got the answer.

And just sitting here saying, well, what should I do next? What should I do next? Listen to your inner voice. What is your end goal? Are you taking action steps towards it? Because when you start taking action steps towards your end goal, other opportunities and connections and things are going to arise that are going to take you where you're actually meant to go. So sitting on the couch

just saying, I don't know what to do is not the answer. I didn't know how to write a book. I didn't know how to self publish a book. I googled it and found my answers. And then along the way I listened to myself when I would say, does this feel like the right fit? Should I bring this person on? Should I go to this photographer? Should I choose this title? I tune into me and I find my answers and I move forward believing in myself. So tune into your inner voice. And I've been hearing, I mean, just so many sad stories out there right now from people who are struggling. And I know times are tough right now, but I also know that I lived through the 0809 recession

and it was horrible when we were need deep in it. But now here we are years later, and here's what I've learned. It's temporary. It's not gonna be like this forever. And yes, I have bad days too. I've had a couple in the past two weeks. I feel like I'm out of shape. I feel like I past two weeks. I feel like I'm out of shape.

I feel like I miss my friends. I feel like I just just being outside. I miss that for my son. I feel overwhelmed just like you do. But you know what, when I get like that, I just remind myself there are things I can do to take charge of this. I can go ride my Peloton.

Maybe you can't do that. Maybe you couldn't meditate. Maybe you could listen to a podcast you love or watch a movie that makes you feel happy. Maybe we can think about something that we're looking forward to. I'm looking forward to my speech next week. I'm really excited about it. I'm looking forward to meeting my new June mentoring team when everybody gets signed up. So looking forward to things is something that's very helpful. And looking forward to things that you have maybe forecasting later in the future because of where we are now. Things that you would have taken for granted. I noticed Starbucks whenever I get Uber Eats, they have all these

think-you-notes and they write all these nice things and I just thanks myself, they never used to do that before. It's kind of cool now how we all appreciate each other so much more than we ever did and taking a minute to stop and let people know how much you appreciate each other so much more than we ever did and taking a minute to stop and let people know how much you appreciate them, how much they means to you is really impactful because you never know when someone might be having it bad day. So I want to let you know you mean the world to me being here, you have no idea how much it means to me, you give me the opportunity to have this show, you give me the opportunity to tap into these amazing messages and to pick myself up because picking yourself up can be an

inside job. I'm doing it right now. I know you're doing it right now. And while we are not sitting in the same room, we are together in a positive mindset, a positive space, this too shall pass. Hang on to that because I know it deep in my heart and I'm just so grateful for you being here. If you could please subscribe, rate, and review. It really helps so much. Anytime you share my show on social media, I

always repost so just make sure to tag me so that I see it. And until next week, keep creating your confidence. I'm right alongside you. I hope you're enjoying this episode so far. I'm Jennifer Cohen, host the top ranking business and entrepreneur podcast, Habits and Hustle, apart the YAP media network, the number one business and self improvement podcast network. So most people live the life they get and not the life they want. And I'm here to change all that. My goal with each episode is to give you the habits and hustle tips you need to show up to your life better,

bigger, and bolder. Tune in now, and I'll not only help you answer the questions like what do you want most in life and why don't you have it, but we'll also help you make it a reality. I also pick the brains of top thought leaders on how they've gone to the top and the advice they have to help you get there too. Head over to Habitson Hustle once you've done listening to this episode and get one step closer to boldness, one episode at a time.