Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Staying Real In Reality Television with Kaitlyn Bristowe Episode 11

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

Join Heather as she sits down with America's sweetheart from Canada as she delves into her journey through the harsh world of reality television, finding love after the competition, and creating her own authentic brand with her smash hit podcast and much more! And thank you to today's sponsors: Great Courses Plus = Go to TheGreatCoursesPlus.com/CONFIDENCE to access their entire catalog for FREE for the entire month GreenChef = Get $75 off your first three boxes at GreenChef.us/CONFIDENCE75 FabFitFun = Sign up and $10 off your first box at FabFitFun.com with promo code Confidence Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this link and when you DM me the screenshot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now ! If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! DM your questions for the show Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Available on Apple Podcasts and Podcast One. Each week when you join me, Podcast One, you are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for better tomorrow. Welcome back to creating confidence. I'm so glad you're here with me. I appreciate you so much.

I have a major announcement this week. I'm so excited to share that I finally landed my first TEDx talk and it's such a big deal. It's one of those things that as a speaker, as an entrepreneur, it's one of those boxes I really wanted to check. You know, we all have these different goals in our mind. You know, big picture of things that were going after. The TEDx talk to me was one of those things that I, it was out there, I wanted it, and I really worked hard to get it. So let me tell you what I did that worked and didn't work.

So they, hopefully you can, um, clean some insights from it. But for, this has been a goal of mine, probably for a year and a half, I would say. Ever since I wrote my book, I really, I knew that getting a TEDx stage could really help spread my message. And I just attacked at the same way that I attack everything, which is sheer volume, right? Just sending out as many pitches as possible.

This was not the right approach. And the way that I did it was I set a Google alert, which whenever I'm going after something, I always, if I have a target in mind, I put a Google alert on it so that I can find out what's going on, I can find out about opportunities. And so I set the Google alert and I just kept sending the same pitch to probably a hundred different TEDx locations. And what I talked about in my pitch was me. I talked about how I'm a great speaker. I talked about all the stages I've taken. Me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, not the right approach. So unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time sending out all of these pitches all over the country and getting turned down every single time.

I didn't know why I was getting turned down and I didn't really get any insight into it until I actually asked someone who knew what they were doing. So when my book first came out, I was contacted on LinkedIn by this woman, her name Cindy, and she's amazing. And she had read my book and really liked it. She wanted to come see me speak, and she came to Miami to one of my speaking engagements. She stayed after with me, was so kind, so supportive of me, and just an amazing woman. And my experience in business has not been positive around some women.

They've been really caddy and negative to me. So meeting this woman and hearing how much she wanted to help me and support me in my new initiative as an entrepreneur and a speaker was amazing. So she had experience in the TEDx world. And I told her, I shared with her that I really wanted to get a TED talk and she said, well, Heather, it's not going to be hard for you. You've got a great message. You've got great ideas. You'll definitely get it done. However, I didn't really ask for her guidance at that time and that was where I had a misstep.

So along this way, I've sent out all these pitches. I wasn't getting anywhere and I thought to myself one day, Hey, I should reach back out to that woman Cindy. So I sent her a note either on LinkedIn or an email. I don't remember right now. And she responded to me and basically said, oh, you've been getting nose on your your TEDx pitches. I'm really surprised how there I thought you would have landed one by now because I hadn't seen her and maybe almost a year. So she said, send me what you're sending out so I can take a look at it and I did and she called me right away and said, Hey, this is not how you get a TEDx talk. It's all about you and talking about you as a speaker. That's not what TEDx is about. So she sent me to a website and she said watch these videos and there's actually

two TEDx talks or TED talks about how to get a TED talk. And so the information, as always, was readily available. I just hadn't figured it out or found that those videos. And the videos really showed you, you know, what the TED is about. It's about the idea worth spreading. And that was something she really made me crystal clear about. It's not about me, it's not about the speaker, quote unquote, no one cared about what stages I had spoken on. It was about aligning my big idea that was worth spreading, which that's the whole Ted concept,

with what the local theme was in these different locations. So when I was just blindly sending out these pitches, they didn't align with the themes, the local themes. I wasn't taking what was important to them into consideration, and then I was just talking about me as a speaker. So it was a complete, about me as a speaker. So it was a complete, it didn't fit at all, the pitch was wrong. So I realigned my pitch, I made it all about the idea, and at TEDx Boca Raton, which is happening October 26th, and I can't, I'm so excited to get on that stage and share my idea, the concept was all about rethinking relationships. That was their theme. So I had to come up with my big idea that's worth spreading

and then align it with rethinking relationships. So when I took my time and effort and initiative around what was important to them and their stage and their concepts, then I was able to land my TEDx talk. So in a big roundabout way, I was reminded that it's not about me, it's about what's important to the people that are involved

in whatever initiative company or goal it is that you have that you're targeting, it isn't about me, it's about them, and the more that we approach things that way, the more opportunity we'll have to achieve our goals and reach our targets when we make it about them. So I was reminded of that great lesson and actually it's sort of ironic. I had an opportunity a week ago for a big brand had reached out to me and they wanted to do or they were I guess interviewing me to see if I was a good fit to represent their brand and do a

video shoot for a substantial amount of money and I did not prepare for the call because I just basically thought, you know, I'm gonna show up as me and I've got tons of experience doing this. I've represented and partnered with plenty of brands It'll be very easy and that was yet again an epic fail. I went into the call. I left one meeting. I was in New York and I just was, you know, on the run. And I just joined this call. There was their whole team was on the call. And basically they asked me what I want to create for video content. So I jumped right into how I can help people. And it was a female audience. And I just made the assumption it was working women. I don't know why I would make an assumption like this.

But I did. And I jumped into this whole pitch about all the different videos I would create and how they would be about getting ahead at work and leveraging social media to land business and how to get a raise and how to get a promotion and how to reinvent yourself and all these things that are Important to me that I thought were a value that I have a lot of expertise in and that I could teach other women how to do and Come to find out about 20 minutes into the call. One of the representatives from the brand said, Heather, I guess we should take this step backwards for a moment. You're not

familiar with our audience. And I said, excuse me, I'm confused. What do you mean? And they said, Oh, these are women who do not work. These are stay-at-home moms. And so here I was. I'd been on this whole pitch and creating this whole concept that was for the wrong audience. So yet again, not doing my homework, not making it about them is always an epic fail. And just taking a step back from whatever it is that you're going after in your life,

whatever you're targeting or trying to do, make it about the other person, do your research and homework on them. And when we take the time to really your research and homework on them, and when we take the time to really dig in and do that, that's when we can create that right fit. That's when we can bring value. And I've learned my lesson, although you would have thought I'd learned my lesson on this years ago, but I guess I forgot it.

And I have an important meeting with a professional sporting team this week and I reached out to one of my friends who is in the NFL and I ran the opportunity by him. I asked for his insight. I asked for him to help give me some direction and strategic advice and he did and it was super helpful and taking extra time making extra calls, investing in opportunities before they're right in front of you, will always set you up for success, or at least set you up for a much better meeting. And I feel like I'm set up a lot better this week than I was last week. So continuing to learn and grow as we go. And I'm so excited this interview

that I'm sharing with you next, which is really Caitlin is so different than me. She's so much younger than me. She went a totally different route She didn't necessarily go the business route like I went she Went the bachelor route which when I was younger I remember saying to my old boss. I want to go on the bachelor I was 30 years old remember saying to my old boss, I want to go on the bachelor, I was 30 years old. And he said, no way Heather, you can't take a couple months off of work.

We can't afford not to have you here. And me accepting that and saying, okay, you're right, I've got to run this company and do this and blah, blah, blah, basically put others ahead of me. Ment I continued in corporate America grind while my next guest jumped on that show and took off her social media blew up. She has this massive community.

And in turn, she was able to leverage that into a brilliantly successful business. So success does not just look one way. Success can happen a tremendous amount of different ways. It's just about stepping into that place and stepping into that power that we all have within us and figuring out what that is. So Caitlin went a very different route than I did. However, she's extremely successful and shares a lot of insights in regards to how she became successful

and what she's learned along this really crazy and surreal journey. So I'm so excited for you to hear that. But before I do, I want to give you one of my big, momming moments that I've been having. I have not always been the best cook. I'm constantly on the move. I travel a lot. And when I get home, I will be lazy and get takeout or grab something, you know, chicken nuggets out of the freezer and just heat them up in the oven for my son. And it's not something I'm proud of. I've just found that I need to sometimes cook corners

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You definitely need to check out Green Sheff. It's my vanity URL is the Backslash Competence 75. confidence 75 so for a total of $75 off that's $25 off each of your first three boxes go to green chef dot us slash confidence 75 so again a total of $75 off it's $25 off each of your first three boxes go to green chef dot us slash confidence 75 that That's your deal. I'm saving you money and you're gonna thank me. Can't wait to hear what you think. Hang tight, be right back. I'm such a fan of hers. She's a Canadian born personality. You know her from the Bachelor and the Bachelor Red. She's now the founder of DoEdit and her amazing new wine line, Spade and Sparrows, and yes, I had some. It's fabulous.

She's also the podcast host off the vine with Caitlin Bristow. Caitlin, thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I am too. I love being guests on podcasts. You do? Yeah. Did you see me? I just like sat, got my legs crossed. I leaned back. I'm just more comfortable.

I love being on the other end. So that's interesting to me. Your show is huge. It's one of our top shows at podcast one. So obviously you hold a lot of weight in the podcasting business and you've got a ton of downloads. With that being said, I would think you actually felt more confident and comfortable when you're in the host chair.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think I love both. I don't know which one I love more, but I really enjoy being a guest. I don't know why. It's, I just feel like I like, maybe I like talking. But like, on my podcast, I feel sometimes like I want my guest to speak.

And so I want to ask all these questions and I never want them to feel uncomfortable. I want them now the best time. I feel like I just feel more pressure where it's me. I'm like, I'll just say whatever I want. So I think that says a lot about you as a person and I'll tell you why. I, for the first time, I had a guest come on my show. I'm interested to know if anyone's done this to you. And I said, so, hey, you know, what do you want to promote or what do you want to make sure I ask about

or what's important to today. And the woman said, I can tell you what you will not be asking me about. Oh. And she gave me a list of things that I could not ask her. Oh, I've never had that. She does not like being a guest apparently. She would rather be a host in control. I'm like, ask me anything.

So that's what's really cool. I that highlights the importance of vulnerability for you And I think that's why I mean that's one of the reasons wouldn't you agree why you're so successful? I would say that now yes. I didn't realize that that was such a part of my success or how I've gotten to where I am until I acknowledged it but Going on the show everybody was I actually wasn't vulnerable on the bachelor I was like I'm gonna be the tough girl. I hate one of these girls cry so easily. They're not gonna crack me. I was this tough you know I was well does I think I I think I turned

29 on the show and I was just I went in with the wrong attitude but I but I was still myself. So I was like I'm quirky I'm fun I'm like I am a tough girl and that's what I'm gonna show They're not gonna break me. Well two weeks later. I'm sobbing over like he picked her like it broke me And I learned a lot about myself in that time. We didn't have phones We didn't have internet. We didn't have TV. We can't even have your phone when you're on that show Oh, no, you can that would keep you grounded because you could reach out to family and ask for advice. Yeah, no, you are isolated. And you can't have any. That all sounds mean.

It is. I mean, it's manipulative. And you know, they really want you to focus on this one relationship, and the one person, and no distractions. And I used that as an opportunity to focus on myself. And in that time where they broke me, as I would say they didn't break me, they just, you know, they helped me in a way. Because I took it as an opportunity to sit in a chair with a producer and make it like a therapy session and dive into why I am this way.

And I just turned it around once I did be that girl that was crying and I kind of just surrendered to it and then going into the bachelorette, I was like I'm going to be so vulnerable because that's the only way I'm going to find a person that this works with. And seeing the success from that, I was like well that's how I'm going to build a brand. I'm just going to be super authentic and vulnerable because I see the success that that brings. And then the more time that went on, the more vulnerable I get and the more honest and open and just self-aware I got, I just, that's how I've gotten to where I am. That's amazing because there are so few people right now, especially on social media, that are being authentic and vulnerable. So after you, you know, were broke down or,

you know, really were hurt on the first show, what, why would someone after feeling like that say, okay, I'll go be the bachelor. That's a great question. I'm not really sure. I think, I think I just saw that it could work because on the bachelor, once I started opening myself up and showing my feelings and talking through everything, is when I started to really like the guy and I kind of just allowed myself to feel all those feelings and I was like, wait, this can work. It didn't work for me in this relationship, but I probably could find somebody in the same setting. And like I said, on my podcast, I've just always been a bit of a risk taker.

So going on the Bachelor at, I was like, yeah, this would be how I find somebody. Like, that's just so classic, Caitlin, to go do something crazy and find somebody that way. But for those who hadn't watched your season of Bachelor, will you share what that's what actually did happen? So I like the through the whole season

So I went on and they actually made it to Bachelorette So I did compete against another woman to be the Bachelorette on the first episode Which is so ridiculous. I just have to make that comment. Oh, I was I was so upset about it because I just thought how dare I was so upset about it because I just thought how dare they do that for ratings that is sick and I I actually said no at first because I just didn't like how they were positioning it and Eventually I women against women right and but I mean that's if you think about that show Like it's always women against women. It's men against men So I just took it as okay, I'm gonna go into it and think, if these guys choose her as the bachelorette,

I wouldn't want to be in relationships with them anyways. They probably aren't for me because we're two very different people. So, I just looked at it like that. I thought, if something great comes out of it, then I would have no regrets. And like, who knows what doors it'll open? And I just took that risk. So it ended up being me that the guys chose, which, I mean, I don't like that, but then the roles were reversed.

And I was choosing. So I mean, I guess it's just a really weird gray area of what's weird and not weird in that world. So national security experts are warning. our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked a third time a power station in North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking our grid for vulnerabilities.

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No interest, no payments. Take advantage of the special financing offer at nextweat.com slash monahan. NetSuite.com slash monahan to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm. NetSuite.com slash monahan. Went through the show and I think I went into it very naive because the producers had treated me so well on the bachelor that I truly believed that they were friends and family and wanted

the best for me and I didn't understand the world of ratings and TV and what they could be actually doing just to get, you know, good ratings, people to tune in. And so I really trusted the producers and I didn't have my family and friends to talk to and I started to become super lonely and by the end of I had a lot of fun with it too, but by the end of it I was just so mentally drained and so exhausted that I would find myself saying in interviews like what do you want me to say because you're obviously not letting me out of this chair You'd ask the producer and they're filming for the show and you're saying tell me what you want me to say Yeah, because I at this point like you guys are gonna take what you want anyways So like what do you want from me? And I was just so GAST for everything I just was done and and I ended up so I had

Three guys left the whole fantasy sweet sweets, and I got, I was a very controversial season because I slept with one of the guys before the fantasy sweet. And that was just a whole, like, the bachelor world hasn't seen that in... Oh, a raiding sky rock. Yeah, exactly. And it was just so interesting because I'm like, I mean, there's fantasy sweets. There's, you go into a room overnight with three different men. That's not weird to match your world

You know, that's like well, yeah, that's what happens on the show But you did it before That you know like that was just so mind blowing to everybody that it really blew up and I ended up getting a lot of slack for that and and a lot of hate online and I just would cry in my bed every night. I lost so much hair from stress. I just was like devastated that people could genuinely hate me for just being who I was and what I would do in a relationship. And I mean, I got told I should burn in a dumpster.

And I don't know what kind of like their jacket is on your show, but you can believe it out. But like, shut my horror legs and now I'm disgusting and nobody would ever want their daughter to look up to me. And all these awful things just get pouring in. And I think Hannah is going through that right now is the bad swear at because she did like a naked,

bungee jumping date. And people just really rip into you. And once, you know, it's hard enough to hear that from one person, but you're hearing it from like hundreds of thousands. Oh my gosh. And it was just really, really hard. And, and then, and I ended up picking somebody who, you know, because I had taken all the relationships as far as I could to really figure out who I liked, you still don't know the person you're getting engaged to at the end. So I went with who I felt the most confident with in my feelings and we got engaged and then you know we had a three and a half year relationship out of it. But that that was something that the show was

never the show was always a topic in our relationship and it was always just too hard for the for Shanta to move past and I was always made to feel a lot of shame around that. And so again, I did a lot of self-work and going to a therapist to not have that false guilt and that false shame about what I did because I couldn't take it back. I wouldn't take it back. And I was just so confident in my decision by the end from, you know, with my relationship. So the other people, I was like, no, I know I want to be with this one person. And so it, uh, it just, I mean, I think it's hard for anyone to come out of that show

and have a successful relationship. And that's why it doesn't have the greatest success rate because I mean, I can understand why and some people get through and some people don't. But that's led me into what I am today and I'm in a happier relationship for it and and Everything you know it the slut shaming or whatever you want to call it actually gave me a platform to have a voice for women and it gave me the opportunity to say like hey

I'm I love this feeling of empowering women and I had so many women hate me, yes, but I had so many women come forward and say, thank you for being so real on this show. Thank you for doing what all of us women would do, and like good for you for not trying to be someone you're not, because that's not what we wanna see on TV anymore. Everyone on the Bachelor, you know, they've, and I'm not saying that's not who they are, but a lot of them are the cookie cutter girl

next door, all Americans we are, and that's great, but that's not me, and I wasn't gonna pretend to be that. And that's not 98% of the population either. Exactly, so yeah. That's kind of comical. Yeah. So when you had these haters, and that's an overwhelming number of haters,

how I think you did respond sometimes to people, correct? Oh yeah. I am not shying away from a clap back. I, because part of me, I can see the ones who create accounts just to hate me behind a closed like, you know, you're kidding. They create an account to hate you. Oh, still to this day. I have not made it, my friend. I don't know that yet. Something to be to aspire to. That's a good, a good way to look at it because yeah, I will have, I will have women or I'll look and they have zero, you know, photos, zero followers following zero.

But they've clearly created this account to come after me so that they aren't caught in who they are. But those ones I try not to respond to because I'm like, you don't matter, you're clearly doing this for attention. It's the women that have in their bio Christian mother of three. You know, that lover of Jesus who come after me, I'm like, okay, you're someone I'm going to clap back to you because take a look in the mirror. Who hurt you?

And why are you projecting your insecurities out on me? And I will either sometimes I'll also try and spread love back to them and be like, I really like your hair. I'm sorry. You're so angry. Like. Or there will be ones where I'm like, that's just too easy sometimes, you know. But I do, I like standing up for myself. And I think it's important and I think it's important to use your voice to tell somebody that what you've said has hurt me or like why are you doing this because sometimes that can stop that person from doing it the next time. And so there are times where I have to bite my tongue or not respond to the haters because sometimes they don't deserve that attention but there are times

where I want to stand up for myself. I've found that occasionally I've said something back on a feed and then they come back again and come back again So I stopped doing that but one time when I launched my book I had someone create a ghost account on good reads, which is a book platform and same thing You know no followers no pictures no anything just Barbara and rated my book a one and I decided to I took a picture a screenshot of that I put it on LinkedIn and I wrote a note to Barbara. I said Barbara, I don't know where you are, but I do know this, you didn't read my book.

Yeah. Because if you had, you would have included your picture, you would have included why you didn't like it, because you would feel totally confident in your opinions and owning who you are and not worried what I or anyone else thought. So Barbara, please read the book. And if you'd like it DM me, I'll send it to you.

I know, totally. But what was so cool about that, because I was so like you, I just felt I was pissed and so many people responded, had they're going to good reads now to review your book of five star. I got this ton of five star ratings. There you go. There you go. That I wasn't even asking for because people were so pissed that someone was creating that ghost account. Yeah, no, that's there's, you know, sometimes when somebody has hate to spread, there's an army of love that's gonna come after them. And sometimes that scares me too though

because I don't want people to now go and bully that person, you know, and sometimes that happens and it just, you know, goes in a spiral. And so it's hard because like you said, I like saying something like that and standing your ground and believing in what you're doing and then having people be like, yeah, we're going to stand behind you. But there's been times where I've called somebody out and then that person gets bullied so badly from the attention that I brought to them. And then who really wins there?

Yeah, it's hard. It is hard. Yeah, it's hard to navigate that one. Well, hopefully in the future people throw less comments, negative comments out there. We'll hope that happens, eventually. Yeah, fingers crossed. So for you, you did both the bachelor, then the bachelor red, then you're in a relationship. How did you navigate becoming a brand and entrepreneur gaining millions of followers and transitioning that into revenue and business for you? How did that all happen?

Well, first of all, I had some really great people on my side. So my girlfriend Penny, I kind of look at her as a mentor because she's the VP for Scooter Braun and she just gets the business and she has always believed in me. And I was friends with her. I met her when I was just turned 19 and she's always just kind of have my back and believed in me and believed that I was going to do these big things and and she's just always helped me along the way and when I came off the show, I get this email like,

Hey, we'll pay you $5,000 to say you drink this flat tummy tea. And I was like, yeah, I was like, five K for being on Instagram. Like I would be stupid to turn that down. Actually, no, it was a waste trainer. It was a waste trainer. And so I put it on and I took the photo and people were pissed and they were like, why would you promote that?

And I saw my followers drop. And Penny called me and she said, get that off your Instagram. I don't care how much they paid you. You are not gonna be this person on social media. And I just needed that reality check because I didn't know any better. And I was like, wow, okay. So I deleted and she goes, if you prove yourself to your followers and you only show them things that you truly believe in and things that they're gonna get and go, I'm so grateful that Caitlin shared this on Instagram.

And you use your platform to like do stuff with charity and you find things you're passionate about and you're just real and you are Caitlin. That's going to be success long javelin wise for your career and building bigger brands and getting bigger brands to come want to work with you. And that was the best advice I've ever gone because I just was like, okay, I deleted the post didn didn't take the money. And then I didn't take a lot of money. And all of the things kept coming in. And I kept saying, no, and I turned down so much money because- But you weren't independently wealthy. No. No. So hard. I came out of working at a restaurant and teaching spin classes to going on a show where I made

it really far to turning around and going on another show. And on the bachelor, you don't make money. As the bachelor at you do. but you know then how long does that last? And so I really had to take a look at what I wanted to be and how I, you know, who am I? I'm, I've got a big personality. I like to drink wine. I like to do nice things for other people. I like to make people laugh. And I do like your occasional like beauty products or like the certain things and and I had to really stay true to myself

and build that trust with my following in my audience so that they could see I wasn't just trying to sell them on anything so that now down the road I can you know put out a really good wine or scrunchies that they're gonna be like well we trust her and we trust what she's making. And she didn't just come off that show and jump into another TV show or just start selling crap to us. She built our trust and it's been four years now. Now she's, you know, it was something that I really wanted. I really wanted to involve my followers and everything I did. I wanted to ask them what they love and I wanted to make sure that they were happy with me too.

And all from, you know, not looking for the outside acceptance, having it come from within myself first. Wow, that's such the right way to build a brand, so congrats that you had this direction and did that. And it was, I mean, I'm so, so lucky to have the team that I have because they aren't just agents and PR teams trying to like make a dollar off me. It was girlfriends that I built this team with who want to believe in that longevity of of Kaelin too. Was it scary to launch those brands because you hadn't launched something like that before? Yeah yeah I mean there's always the fear of

people not wanting to buy it or, you know, and everyone's gonna have something to say. It's too expensive or the shipping's too much or whatever, but then there's so many people that are so excited. And it was nerve-wracking because I was like, I hope people are as excited as I am because I have always been passionate about wine since I was 18 years old. I really loved learning about wine. I worked in a restaurant where I had to train servers and be knowledgeable about all the wine on the menu

and I worked with Somalia's and I just loved doing it. So I wanted people to appreciate that, yeah, I'm not a connoisseur and I'm not a Somalia, but I'm gonna give you good wine that you're gonna enjoy and we're gonna have fun with this together. But, and then it was, I've gotten just amazing response and people have been really excited for me and I think they see that I do work hard and and that I won't just, you know, try and make it make a quick buck off of my followers. I just won't do it.

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using my special URL. Sign up now at thegreatcoursesplus.com slashconfidence. That's the great courses plus .com slash confidence and get on your speaking career or whatever career it is you want now. With all of these commitments that you have now and all these things that you have going on, how do you prioritize what's important each day or a big picture? I think the more I do, the more I focus on just little things that make me happy. I see that what I've done and what I've built has come from being true to myself and doing things that I love and finding my small team around me that loves me and you know, I trust them. And so the more time that goes on, the more I'm like, if I prioritize my relationships, I always have,

I see that if that person's on the same page as me, I'm in a better place to work hard. And I mean, like if you're happy and you're surrounding yourself with the things you should prioritize in life, you actually become a better friend, a better partner, a better business woman, if you're prioritizing the right things. It's so true. And you have transitioned from that last relationship to now a new relationship and how has that impacted things? Yeah, that's it's the craziest thing to look back on because I was so in love. from that last relationship to now a new relationship and how has that impacted things? Yeah, that's, it's the craziest thing to look back on

because I was so in love and I wanted it to work so badly and I thought so hard and it was just like an uphill battle. Like I just felt like I couldn't win and I just felt, I didn't realize how insecure I was until I got out of it and I think I was really secure with myself and I believed in myself and I loved doing everything that I was doing and I felt successful in things that I did, but I didn't feel successful in the relationship. And that brought me down because that was a priority to me. And I wasn't focusing on the other things I should have been focusing on because I was just so invested in why he wasn't loving me back the way I loved him. And so coming out of that was really hard, but I knew it was the right thing.

And so I just kept pushing forward and pushing forward and and doing what I love to do that all those things led me to this next relationship, which I did not think was gonna come that quickly, but by doing what I was doing and going through those hard times that led me to this next relationship. And then I saw the, he doesn't like being called a cheerleader. He's like, he keeps calling me a cheerleader and he goes, I'm just like so proud of you. And I just want to help. And I just. He's your number one advocate.

He really is. And just that. I just want to help. And I just see. So your number one advocate. He really is. And just that, I was like, wow, okay, I knew I believed in myself, but having someone on your team that believes in you, too, makes a world of a difference. And I started seeing the brands even grow bigger and be more successful. And people saw my happiness through Instagram,

which everyone looks happy on Instagram, but people genuinely saw the difference in me. And so it's been so different to, and now being removed from that last relationship and being able to look at it from the outside. And I just see how toxic it was and how I'm like, I'm so happy that I saw that I was, I had the strength to get out of it because I Had so many good things going for for myself. I was you know if people looked from the outside it looked great but I think now where I'm at it's just like Okay, this it's supposed to be easier than that and it's you're supposed to feel so safe with somebody and that's just I don't know It's crazy how much that's just Like blood into other things that I'm doing.

Absolutely. That I couldn't agree with you more the people that you surround yourself with, especially those key relationships, if they're not lifting you up and supporting you, you're going to be held back in some way that you just don't even realize how held back I was until I wasn't, you know, weren't you afraid though? With the level of celebrity that you had, your breakup was so public. you had a joint statement. I mean all this awfulness when you got out that weren't you thinking oh my gosh the last thing I want to do right now is

put myself out there again and try this again. Yeah oh my gosh I was terrified. I I was totally fine with being on my own forever. I was like you know what? I imagine. Yeah I'm like I'm cool with it. I love where I'm at with just me. Right. So I don't need, I don't need no manly, you know, I did the whole thing. But yeah, because it was just scary and I did not love the joint statement, but I, you know, that's just apparently what you do in this world. And we were hanging onto that joint statement for so long that, you know, we were in a bad place for a while, but we both just kept not wanting to put it out there to the point where I was like, oh my God, just get it out there,

get it off. It was just weighing so heavy on me, but there's always something. He was like, well, I've got this thing at the gym the next day, so that'll affect my sales. Well, I've got this, and I'm like, okay, we can't do that anymore. So I think, which also made it look like I moved on faster than I did, because we hung on to that statement for so long.

But yeah, it was scary until I just was like, I don't care what people think. I met this guy. I didn't realize the connection we had until people from the outside started pointing it out. And because I just, well, because I wasn't in a place to even think about another guy. And so all these people were saying, did you hear your connection with Jason on your podcast? And I was like, what? And I was just rooting for him to be the bachelor. I wanted him to be the bachelor so badly that I didn't even look at it like that. And then we just didn't stop talking

from there. And it was just so easy. And then I was like, wait, I have feelings. It was, and then I just wasn't scared anymore because it just felt like, it just felt right. That's so amazing that you listened to yourself and you were willing to put yourself out there again. That's a big rest. I put a lot of work into listening to myself, even when it comes to drinking water, drinking more water, even when it comes to

fueling my body with the right food and just listening to your body, whether it's for career relationships, eating, anything, like it's just crazy how much you can just sit back and listen to your body. So paying attention to how you feel is really important to you now. Yeah. And it's serving you well. Yes, and I mean, I'm telling you I've had a therapist and my, I had a health and wellness coach and a life coach and I just, I really committed to working on myself. What were the biggest takeaways you learned from them?

The, like biggest takeaways was I think that I was, a lot of things I was telling myself were lies. A lot of things are really simple to just stop by saying out loud stop and switching your mindset. And doing that whole almost like fake it till you make it, like convince yourself of how great you are. And then you start believing it. And I'm like, wait, I am great. And having little messages on your mirror and doing the homework and even writing out how you feel and what you're putting into your body and what makes you feel good.

There's so many takeaways. I'm like, I could talk about takeaways for an hour probably. No, my gosh, it's amazing. But it's so good for people to hear. Oftentimes people will put a celebrity on a pedestal. And they'll say that person doesn't have the problems that I have. I know.

And I've done it. I've done that. I've looked at people on Instagram and celebrities I've followed me and like, God, they're like so good. Now I don't do that. Because you know it's not. Right. Because I'm able to, yeah, take a step back and be like,

well, it's good on Instagram because it's what we do. But everybody, there's not one person out there in the whole world that doesn't have struggles. Everyone is struggling Yeah, everyone was some even the people who have it all together like I to me right now in my life I'm like I'm 34. I've got a great guy in my life. I just rescued my dream dog I've got my businesses going they're going well I've got everything going but I still suffer with severe anxiety and

Sometimes I wake up and I'm like, why do I feel so depressed today? And I still have those real moments where I just absolutely want to break down or I struggle or I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly or I do, like I'm, because I'm still a human being who goes through struggles. I don't even know where my anxiety comes from half the time. Like sometimes I just have to sit down and I meditate a lot, but I'll do research being like okay What has happened like what is really like going on inside?

Why am I feeling so much anxiety right now? That's so good. That's the most important thing you can do Yeah, and it's crazy because it could be something that I wasn't even really I didn't even realize it was bothering me that much until I really Dive into into like my days and what has happened and write things down and then I'm like, oh That's what's bothering me. Did you share that right away with your new boyfriend? If you're struggling with swelling in your legs, ankles are feet, you're going to want to listen up. Forget your compression socks and water pills. New research shows that swelling and inflammation can be resolved by upping your intake of omega-3 fatty acids from krill oil. Omega-3's improved circulation while lowering inflammation on the body, all while reducing swelling

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I mean, I'm very open about a lot of things, especially if I'm at this point in my life and going to take the relationship seriously, and I mean, he moved in, and I just was like, I'm putting everything out there on the table. And he is, he's so amazing because he is a very happy goal. Like, you guys never struggle with anxiety.

Or, you know, he's, he's just always been like, he's a really hard worker, but he's very in tune with his emotions. And he's learned a lot. And he's just a really, really like stable good, good guy. And of course, he has his own struggles and all that. But he had a, like we had a couple of tough conversations about, he's like, why would you feel anxious about this?

Or like, what? Because he doesn't understand it. And I said, look, you can't ask me, because I would love to know sometimes too. But you just have to understand it, accept it, and accept it. And sometimes I have out of body experiences where I feel like I'm like, into my childlike self because of anxiety.

And that's just something that I struggle with and I work on it. And it's just something that's part of me. Did you ever go on medication? Oh yeah, I'm on some right now. It's helped a lot. Oh my gosh, it's crazy because sometimes it doesn't work for people. and sometimes people don't believe it and

Sometimes people are like, well, why can't you just meditate or go take a yoga class and It's just I'm always like we got to do it works for you. So I've tried that and I was really actually struggling with anxiety I had a full blown panic attack on a plane once it was awful. Oh my god. I felt so stuck. I was like grabbing my throat. I tried to get off the plane. They wouldn't fall. It was awful. Yeah, it was really bad and And that's a big part of you know the golden retriever I got he's an emotional support animal for me now and in because I had to go the doctor and work through that and get the papers for him and I don't want to abuse the system. Like, I truly believe he has helped my anxiety.

And so I talked to my doctor and I tried going on Zoloft. And I was like, you know, if I just can let go of some little things that it's really affecting my health, like I lose sleep over it. And so he, we talked through it. And so I tried going on so off and it backfired horribly and I was having dark thoughts in the middle of the night and I was sick to my stomach I would start sweating out of nowhere my anxiety was through the roof and he's like you got to stop immediately and then that scared me from trying anything else I was

like okay that like you know what medication isn't for me. There's a lot of shame around medication too with being on something. And I was just like, maybe it's better off I just don't. And he was like, I really encourage you to try something else if anxiety is really something you struggle with. So I tried to select that. And I'm telling you, it is done wonders for me. And it's I'm still me. I still have my emotions. I sell my feelings. I still it's just to help with that little bit of anxiety that had crippled me at times. And and it's it's done wonders for me. Oh, thank you so much for sharing that with people because I have so many friends that have tried medication and it's changed their

life. Yeah. And it's so important for people to know, do you, whatever works for you, just make it work. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, no, I like talking about it because I think it's so important to not have shame around that. And I'm obviously an advocate for any mental health and I just think it's important for people to know that, do what's gonna be, you know,

do what's gonna be good for your soul and for your life and for you to be happy. And if that means you're on medication, like if you have a cold, you take Advil, like if you, you know, if you have cancer, you're going to do chemo. If you have a mental illness or anxiety, take medication, do it. Yeah, it's just there should be no shame around it. Well, you're going to bust it up. All right, I have to ask every guest that I have this question. When did you struggle the most with your confidence in your life? Um, I think it was when, actually I know it was when I was in a relationship where he was a hockey player and it was his life.

And I was following him around everywhere to be where he needed to be for hockey. And I completely lost myself and I felt zero self worth and I was living in a bunch of different places, but I ended up in Germany and I had no friends. I couldn't even hear people's conversations at the grocery store. I couldn't even read labels at the grocery store to know what things were. He was on the road a lot. I had no, I could not just go and make some girlfriends because I couldn't speak the language. I couldn't get a job in Germany. We were only out there for a certain amount of time, so I couldn't even commit to like doing some volunteer work because they needed a commitment from you. And we had to go back to Vancouver in the summers. And it was, I was financially and

emotionally just relying on this one person. And he was in a place where I think he was disappointed with his cocky career. So he was in the NHL, but you know, he got injured and he went through everything where he had to, you know, go play in Germany, where it was really actually like great for him. But I think he struggled with that. So we were both just feeling a little lost and I just had zero confidence because I was in a relationship where I felt like I brought nothing to the table and I didn't know who I was. And the more I stayed in this foreign place, the more lost I became. And he had his own thing that to go to every single day and I just I was like what am I doing with my life and it was just his role than I was living in it and I think we were both

you know young 20s too where he didn't he didn't know to build me up and to help me and to he was just kind of like like we want me to do this is my life. What did you do? Well we broke up. And you moved back home. Yeah. And that started, you down a different path. Yeah. So I and I did not want to leave him because I was like, what at that point I was 26 and you know, when you're 26 and you break up and you think you just... You'll never find another person. And I and I wasn't in a place where I was like, I'm going to do things for myself. I was like, how am I gonna live? He paid for this and he supported me and I don't wanna start over at restaurants

and I don't wanna go backwards to go forwards. I don't wanna go back. And, but that's what I did. And I started finding confidence in the restaurant business because I was really good at what I did. And they wanted me to be a manager and they wanted me to help open other restaurants

and across Canada. And I started getting confidence through just building myself back up. That's amazing and you clearly built yourself back up. I'm so proud of you. I hate that I have to leave because I have to go catch a split. It's a nightmare. I do. Okay. So Caitlin, where can my people find you? Okay. Well, there's so many places. I really need to just reel it in here because there's my scrunchy line which is at do at at DEWEDIT and that's like it's been really fun because it's a business and it's a product

but it's a women that come together and they talk about their love of scrunchies and they have their funny and they make new friends. There's my off the vine podcast, at off the vine podcast on Instagram, my wine which is at spade and sparrows, and then just me at Caitlin Bristo. And your dog? At Ramen the Golden Noodle. That's the most important one.

Come on, we can't forget about him. Yeah, no, no, no, ever. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. I appreciate it immensely. I appreciate what you're doing in the conversations you're having so good look on your podcast. Oh, thank you. Good luck to you. Thank you. And we'll be right back. I'm so happy you got to meet my girl, Caitlin. I'll tell you, I am constantly reminded to be

open-minded because many moons ago I might have been making fun of someone, you know, for being on the bachelor or being, you know, a certain way. And it was really eye-opening to me to get to know Caitlin, see how real she is, see how she has leveraged her uni towns to create her own company, her own brand, now her own wine company. It's just, I'm always reminded, just think bigger, keep your eyes open, keep your mind open. And when we do that, we can learn so much from people all around us. One thing that I've learned is I'm obsessed

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Use promo code, competence to get your discount $10 off, you will thank me. So again, back to Caitlin, I'm just blown away by how real and kind she is. And there was something funny that occurred. We actually, I went on Caitlyn's show and then Caitlyn went on my show. I went to Nashville to meet her and she was kind enough to interview me for her show and then you flip the mic around and I interviewed her. And she became so relaxed when she was being interviewed. And it reminded me of this one guest that I had on the show earlier.

I will not say who it was. This person was so tense being interviewed that this person actually said to me, I will tell you what we are not going to speak about today, Heather, before the microphone went on. And I thought to myself, that's so weird. I like being interviewed. I find it easier to be interviewed than to be the one doing the interview. Because when you're doing the interview, you need to do a lot of research and usually read someone's book or watch videos about them and understand what's unique and relevant about them to the show. It's a lot of work.

When you show up to be interviewed, you just show up as yourself. And I really saw that with Caitlin when the microphone went on the other side and I was the one doing the interviewing. She just had this sigh of relief. She really knows who she is and feels comfortable being herself and sharing that with the world and not all people feel that way. So I thought that was so cool to witness and see and it made me think about I kind of feel the same way. It's a little more difficult when you're interviewing someone, but you want to do a really good job and you want to bring value. But when you're just being yourself, it seems a lot easier. But that really all goes back to confidence. When you are your most confident

self, you can just show up as you and things become much easier because you are enough just being you. That is for sure. So I wanted to answer a couple of questions that I've received. One is from one of my listeners, someone who joins us here each week and she is a medical device rep. So she said, Heather, I come to you needing your help with the vision of your life size cutout in my brain.

You guys all know I do send life size cutouts of myself to different people when I wanted to get on Steve Harvey and I wasn't hearing back. I literally sent them a life size cutout of myself and I got a call back that next week. So I just find that's it, you know, that's my strategy. Do something different. Do something unique so that you can separate yourself from the crowd. So she goes on to say, I want to create that kind of memorable impression for a clinic I have continuously tried to get my foot into. I've considered personalized cookies, but I can't think of anything else.

OK, so first of all, I like to whiteboard ideas. I've always done this in business. Embraines storming is fun when you do it with others, right? Like you don't have to have the only great ideas. There's something to be said with collaborating and being a part of a team in brainstorming. There's no bad ideas. Just throw them all out there. I did the same thing when I came up with a name for my book Confidence Creator. I threw out a hundred different names and then I would just start crossing off a few a day until I got to my final decision. So for me, if you're looking to get into a clinic,

here's what's important, and this theme is kind of sticking with me today, right, is that it's all about the other people. So find out who that ultimate decision maker is and research them. Where did they go to college? How many kids do they have? What's meaningful and important to them?

Do you notice that they have all these awards showcased when you first walk in? Okay, they like recognition. This is something important to them. How could you bring value to that? Maybe you have a media contact locally in the market and you ask them if they be willing to do a story on the clinic. Bring value first. Make it about them. When you do that, you will separate yourself from the crowd. You don't need to send a life size cut out or cookies because you're showing them that you bring them value that they're doing something positive in the community and you want to help showcase that and highlight that for them. That would be kind of a cool way to break through the noise.

If you can't get to that person, if you don't have that insight yet, maybe you can get to the gatekeeper and So many people gloss over the gatekeeper. They don't pay attention to them. They ignore them Find out what that person's name is find out what's important to that person Find out if they have kids where did they go to school? Send them a DM on LinkedIn and ask for their help, ask for their insight. You know, when you meet people feel special and important, they're going to remember you. They're going to help you. And that gatekeeper can go so flipping a far for you.

That's the way you're going to stay in touch. That's the way you're going to learn and break through. So you don't, you know, there's one angle to go to try to go to the ultimate decision maker. There's another angle to try to go to the gatekeeper. But then there's an entire team, right, of people that work there that you can learn from. This isn't, you know, a one in dumb process. And it doesn't have to be the life size cut out or the cookies. It can really be more about them. And I think that's a really interesting, smart way to break through when you got so many different medical device reps trying to hit them. And I think that's a really interesting smart way to break through when you got so many different medical device reps trying to hit them. Let's develop that one

on one connection and let's learn more about them and what's meaningful to them. I did that when I was trying to break through to someone in the government. I had an idea I wanted to pitch them and I saw that he had an Irish name. I have an Irish name. I searched Irish crests, and I sent him a picture of his Irish crest next to mine, and I wrote a really nice email about how cool it was that he and I both had these really similar crests and how our Irish heritage, et cetera, et cetera,

and I heard right back from him. So sometimes it's not about doing the biggest wow moment, it's about making people feel special and unique. And I would say definitely try that route first and if you still can't get through, let me know and we'll come up with some new ideas for you. Okay, so another question I had. Heather, good morning.

I always go through your posts and find it very encouraging. This is from LinkedIn. I have a question for you. How can one keep themselves positive every time in a competitive and challenging world? If you can say something on this on your post, it would help everyone. So here's the thing, fire the villains, number one, first and foremost, if you have someone negative in your life, you are constantly going to feel

pulled down in a very negative draining way. And as I continue to evaluate my life and who I spend my time with, I realize that when you're around really uplifting positive people that are working hard and growing, you feel that vibe. It motivates you. It makes you feel positive. We have the opportunity through social media to choose who we follow, to choose what news we want to be fed. Make it positive ones, but also evaluate your life.

Who are you working with? Who do you work for? Who are you spending your personal time with? And make sure those people are positive. If they are not, you need to fire those villains to set yourself up to have that best day best year and best life you can have So always fire the villains is where I start the next thing is you know You can just have mantras for yourself You can have a mantra that says I am positive. I am grateful I'm going to start my gratitude practice three things a day. I'm grateful for you know I'm gonna read my mantras every morning when I get up

I read my manifestations every morning when I get up and they put me in a great mood. You know, create that vision of the life you want to have, even if you don't have it yet and start feeling what does it feel like to have that and start writing it down and reading it and own it and watch how things just start changing around you. Giving other people compliments, genuine compliments is a great way to feel positive. It makes other people feel good. They feel good being around you. Stepping into who you really are and taking off the mask is a huge way to feel good. For a long time in business, I tried to dress different, I tried to be different than

who I really was and I didn't feel so good every day, I kind of felt badly. So now when I show up as me, I feel more excited, I feel more confident, more strong and more positive. So pick really positive people to have in your life, spend your time doing something you love, you know, spend time in your superpower. If you're an artist, do not work on Excel spreadsheets, that's a major disconnect. You're going to feel negative. Figure out what it is that you love and find time to do it, even if it's just after work for right now.

But taking those small steps to do the things you love, to appreciate yourself, to be grateful, and to surround yourself with people that pick you up. Those are amazing ways to feel good every day. So hopefully this podcast is one of those things that can do that for you. I hope to see you yet again next week. Every Tuesday we've got a new show. And as always, if you can subscribe, rate and review, I would appreciate it so much, hoping that this was a great show for you again, and keep creating your confidence. I can tell you that I'm on it too. Let's go.

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