Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - The Secret to Mental Strength with Amy Morin Episode 12

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

The Secret to mental strength is on my show now! I can’t wait for you to meet @amymorinauthor who is the psychotherapist and international best-selling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do as she gets us to focus not on adding more to our routine to become stronger, but letting go of some of our bad habits to become unstoppable. For the next 7 days take this challenge to let go of these habits that hold you back and watch yourself skyrocket! No longer: 1. Waste time feeling sorry for yourself. 2. Give away your power. 3. Shy away from change. 4. Squander energy on things you can’t control.  5. Worry about pleasing everyone.  6. Fear taking risks.  7. Dwell on the past.  8. Repeat your mistakes. 9. Resent other people’s success.  10. Give up after your first failure. 11. Fear “alone time”. 12. Feel the world owes you something. 13. Expect immediate results.  Giving up these habits even if for just a week will build your mental muscle and let you see that anyone can become mentally strong. Which habit will you give up first? And thank you to today's sponsors: FabFitFun = Sign up and $10 off your first box at FabFitFun.com with promo code CONFIDENCE LOLA = Get 40% off all subscriptions at MyLOLA.com and enter CONFIDENCE40 Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this link and when you DM me the screenshot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now ! If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! DM your questions for the show Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When there's a penalty on the field, referees are there to sort it out. When there's an accident on the road, Sergeant Lindros, I'm glad you're okay. That's where USAA, Stephsend, we help make the claims process easy, so drivers can get back on the road fast. Making the right calls, that's what we're made for. Membership eligibility and product restrictions apply in our subject to change.

USAA means United Services Automobile Association and its affiliates and Antonio Texas. This episode is brought to you by GlobalX ETFs. Start your investing journey by exploring exchange traded funds. Exchange traded funds, more commonly known as ETFs, create baskets of stocks, bonds and other assets that you can buy in a single trade. At GlobalX, they specialize in ETFs that track emerging technologies, like the rise of electric vehicles, as well as strategies aimed to potentially generate income, and much more.

To discover how you can add ETFs to your portfolio, visit Global on Apple Podcasts and podcast one. Each week when you join me podcast one you're going to chase down our goals overcome adversity and set you up for better tomorrow. I'm on this journey with me. I am welcome back to creating confidence. I'm so glad that you're here. We've got such a great show today that really, really resonated with me and helped me immensely. And I really think it's going to help you out a lot too. No matter what it is you do for work, if you don't work, it's something, it's just a life skill that I don't think we think about

a lot. Mental strength is something that I don't think we think about a lot. Mental strength is something that I know I've just taken for granted or didn't think it was a discipline that you could learn or develop. My guest today is really going to work with us on developing mental strength. It's much more simplistic than you might think that it would be. I certainly did. But before we get to my amazing guest, I wanted to start by giving you guys an update on my TED Talk. I had my first meeting with the executive head of the TED salon,

and we discussed my idea. We discussed my title, and he loved it. And I was so excited because only a month ago, when I was submitting to apply, well actually, as I had said, this has been going on for over a year, but in this round, because there had been many rounds, I had written an entire tutok. I really loved it. I was super excited about giving it.

And it ended up that it had to go through layers of approval when it got to that final layer the man that I spoke to this week. He ended up saying, you know, it's just not edgy enough. It's just, it's a little bit too basic, I guess, is what his thoughts were. So I was really hoping that after all that work I had put in that this one, he would be excited about. And he was.

So, you know, again, just a reminder that the first time we try something doesn't mean it's the only shot we're going gonna get or that it is the right shot because I do believe now that I've gone back, I've redone this thing, I've worked on it for over a year, you know, that I really am on that right path and I think we're going down that right road, so I think you're gonna be so excited when you hear it in October. I know I can't wait to give it, but I'm just now in this phase one where I've gotten approval. Now they're going to have me move forward and over the next two weeks I get to work with one of their trainers that gives you some advice and some direction. But ironically, our guest today, who I met a couple of months ago, she actually lives in Florida.

So I was able to go to the keys to meet her face to face and we were working on a project in New York together and we have a very close mutual friend. So we actually hit it off and we've become good friends. She's an amazing woman. And when I was thinking about my TED Talk over the past couple of weeks, I decided to reach out to her and there's a very good reason for that. Her TED talk has over 10 million views. It's one of the most viewed TED talks that there are and she obviously does the space very well. So I reached out to her and just looking for a little insight, any direction she could give me, things that she thought were important. And she let me know the title is the most important thing because if you have a bland title

or just another random title, people aren't even gonna bother opening the talk up. So I've put a lot of time into focusing on what is that title, how, and it's no different I'm thinking to myself than an email subject line, right? When we reach out to someone via email and they hear from people all of the time, you need to create something eye catching, or maybe it's when you're sending something to someone's

office to get their attention. You know, it's all about using your unique individuality and your flair to own who you really are, because when you do that, you separate yourself from the CM mediocrity and I will tell you that is definitely what I'm going for. We're sure going to help it works out that way. So I want to tell you a little bit about my guest today Amy Moran. She's unbelievable. She's a psychotherapist. She, her book has been translated into over 30 different languages, over 20 something countries. She's an internationally bestselling author, ink named her one of the top 100 speakers in the country. She's a contributor

for a success magazine, but in Forbes, she's been everywhere. And really that TED talk that she gave was the catalyst. And even before that, an article that she had written, I believe, for success magazine went viral as well. And the topic was exactly the one we're talking about today, which is the name of her book, 13 Things, Mentally Strong People Don't Do. And so often, I know that I do, I don't know about you, but I focus on what else can I add to my life. You know, should I work out more, should I make more, you know, proactive business calls, should I follow up more, things that I can add on my to-do list to improve and to

get ahead. But Amy's really flipped things around here and instead of focusing so much on what else can I add, she's focusing on what can I strip away. And that's not something that I had spent a lot of time thinking about, but she makes an amazing case for it She's a living example of it and when you see the level of success and the catalyst that she's been for so many people to achieve Mental strength. You'll see that this recipe works So I want to just quickly walk you through the 13 things that Amy has taught all over the world that mentally strong people do not do and Challenging each of us to think about do we do any of these and Which ones are we ready to strip out of our lives because when we do we're gonna set set ourselves up to be

mentally strong improve our strength and I mean she's got the rule book on it. It works It's tried and tested so the first thing that mentally strong people don't do is waste time feeling sorry for themselves, the pity party. There is no time and space for feeling bad for yourself if you want to be mentally strong and that is completely within your power. Number two is giving away your power. So many people, I know people like this that will say, oh, so and so makes me so mad.

Oh, so and so won't let me get ahead. You know, blaming and pointing at others is actually giving your power to those people. I believe in this so wholeheartedly. And so just being aware, first of all, if you're doing it and that bad habit, oh my gosh, that's a brutal one. But don't give people power over you, claim it back for yourself. Number three, shy away from change. And you know, I learned earlier in one of my other podcast episodes when I was talking

to Psychotherapist, she was talking about change is really a loss. And that's why it's so hard for people. And when you start to embrace it, okay, change is a loss, but it doesn't mean that something better isn't on the other side. I need to let go of one thing in order to expand and get to that other place, which I think is so true. So, mentally strong people do not shy away from change, and you shouldn't either. Number four, squander energy on things they cannot control. So, you

know, sitting around pontificating, worrying about things, it doesn't solve any problems and it is wasting your energy. So you need to come up with a strategy whether it's going to be that you schedule a time of day for 10 minutes where you write down the things you're worried about, but you've got to figure out a way to reframe this so that you're not randomly spending time and energy just wondering and worrying. That is a complete downward spiral. Okay, number five, they don't worry about pleasing everyone. And I know for some people, this is harder to do than for others, but you realize that

making choices that disappoint or upset others takes courage, living an authentic life requires you to act according to your values. And Amy talks about making a list of your values and what's important to you and prioritizing those so that you can cross reference things about what's important to you, what means something to you versus what other people are asking you to do. And taking advantage of the word no, for sure. Number six, fear taking risks. So risks can be scary. I gosh, knows I have been so afraid

anytime I take a major risk, whether it was when I got fired and I decided to write my first book or anytime I pivoted my business as an entrepreneur and trying to figure out new ways to diversify revenue streams, all these things are really scary. However, the longer I go in this, the more I realize when you're feeling fear, it's actually a green light that means go and go faster because you're on to something. It's actually much scarier if you feel comfortable all the time.

It means you are not growing. So don't fear taking the risk, jump right in. Number seven, mentally strong people do not dwell on the past. And this can be really consuming if something really sad or bad. You lost a loved one. There's a lot of big life changes that happen and really consume people. However, it's removing you from today and not allowing you to be present in your life. And that's just, that's the biggest epic loss that I think there could be. So do not dwell

on the past. Number eight, mentally strong people, do not repeat their mistakes. This is one I need to learn from. So, you know, some people feel embarrassed that they gave the wrong answer and they learned at a young age that a mistake is so bad. So maybe you're hiding your excuses or your mistakes are bearing them because you feel shame. So Amy really dives into you know the importance of identifying the mistake, understanding it's okay, it doesn't make you a bad person. However, if this situation arises in the future, how can we do it differently? And that reminds me too of Tim's story. An example of the comeback is not a go back.

Don't go back to that same place again. Okay, number nine, immensely strong people do not resent other people's success. I talk about this a lot, keeping the focus on you instead of others. Number 10, they don't give up after their first failure. I couldn't agree with this more. Failure is about giving up. There's no such thing as failure. Just pivot along the way. The only way you ever really fail is if you give up. So just don't give up. Figure out a new solution, figure out a new direction, and you will rise above

and become mentally stronger. Mentally strong people do not fear alone time. So apparently this is a hard one for a lot of people. I travel a lot, so alone time is just part of my day to day. And over time, I've just become used to it. So that part hasn't been hard for me, but everybody struggles with different things. Maybe you're used to being around people all the time. And maybe it's a small practice you start with just taking a walk each day or

meditating and finding ways to be alone. So you can really hear your own thoughts, listen to your intuition and start acting on it because those are great ways to build confidence. Number 12, mentally strong people don't feel the world owes them something. So you find weakness when you start feeling like everyone owes you something or I worked so hard at this promotion, I didn't get it, I'm owed that promotion or I you know I've been struggling so much and I didn't give up and I still didn't get it. You know I'm owed this, that is a huge holdback and that way of thinking can permeate all levels of your life and can be really disruptive.

Number 13, mentally strong people do not expect immediate results. I need to make this my new mantra that I'm getting rid of that one because I have really high expectations of myself and I want things to happen now, now, now. And it never feels like it's happening fast enough. So I'm definitely working on number 13 and giving myself some space to know the results will come and I just need to keep a work in my land doing my job and it's gonna happen. So I can't wait for you guys to meet Amy next and really learn from her as she this she's an expert on this she wrote the book she did the TED Talk the viral, you know, articles, she has been teaching a workshop all around the world. She's been delivering key notes about this. She is going to be able to give you her personal story and the massive adversity that she's overcome and details some of the things that she feels

are most important out of the 13 to help you let go of these holdbacks and really step into your power and your strength because everyone can do it. It's a choice. So I can't wait to hear what you think. Before we jump over to Amy, I want to tell you about this new product that I just had delivered to me that is a game changer. As we're all moving to having things delivered to us by Amazon or whoever else, saving time,

not having to be out shopping all the time. One thing that has always been a pain for me is, you know, who wants to go pick up tampons? It's just, it's not the first thing you're thinking you're jumping up or wanting to do, but I just found out about Lola. It's a female founded company and it offers an amazing product line. The FDA doesn't require brands to disclose a comprehensive list of ingredients in their feminine care products, but Lola does. I just found that out.

That's unbelievable. Lola offers complete transparency about the ingredients found in their tampons, pads, liners, and wipes. Major brands use a mix of synthetic ingredients in their products. I mean, Rayon, Polyester, I don't even know how that's possible. Their products can be treated with chemicals, fragrances, dyes, and Lola products are 100% organic, no added chemicals, no fragrances, no synthetics, and no dyes. It's founded by women for women.

I mean, it's just why wouldn't we do good with every product that we're putting in as especially this one? So you know, do good with this purchase for every purchase. Lola donates feminine care products to homeless shelters across the US. So that's unbelievable too. So I mean, why wouldn't we, it comes right to your home. I mean, you don't even have to go out and you can have it delivered to you. You can curate it for the way that you actually want it to be. You know, you can say

that you want, you know, this kind of absorbency, this quantity, this frequency, that's all up to you. And you can choose what works best for you. I mean, I personally, I don't love going to the store. I like saving my time. So for me to have this discreet box show up personalized the way that I want the right variety for my needs 100% organic B, BPA-free, tampon applicators. It leaves me worry free about what I'm putting in my body and I want that same for you or for your loved one. We all know a woman that definitely needs this. This will take such a, it will be such a nice surprise if you wouldn't took care of this for someone that you love. I really love the product. I love the convenience and Lola's such a great company doing good in the world.

So as always, I want to give you a discount for 40% off all subscriptions. Visit mylola.com and enter confidence 40 when you subscribe for 40% off all subscriptions. Visit mylola.com and enter confidence 40 when you subscribe. I can't wait to hear what you think. All right, we're going to catch up with Amy next. Hang tight. Hi, welcome back. I'm so excited that you're here with me and my friend, Amy Morn. She is the amazing author of 13 things mentally strong people don't do and if you haven't read that book yet You're probably living under a rock that book has been published in 36 different languages and she's had two different

iterations of the book come out since its initial launch She was a USA Today bestselling author Wall Street Journal bestselling author. She's a psychotherapist and she's also a college professor at Northeastern University, Amy, what don't you do? Well that's what I talk about, what not to do, so that's a good question. Oh that was a great lead in it and I didn't even do that intentionally. So let's talk about the 13 things mentally strong people don't do and where did this whole thing come from? So it started as an article. I was working as a therapist, and I wrote a little bit

on the side, I occasionally would write articles for different publications. And 2013, I was actually one of the lowest points in my life. And the article started out as a letter to myself. I had lost my mom when I was 23, when I was 26, my husband passed away suddenly. And in that journey of grief of lost my mom when I was 23, when I was 26, my husband passed away suddenly. And in that journey of grief of losing my mom and then becoming a widow at 26, I started studying the people that came into my therapy office because I wanted to know what makes some people stronger than others.

How come some people would go through tragedy and they seemed to bounce back faster and better and they still had hope for the future versus other people that stayed stuck. Were you feeling stuck? And I was. And so, you know, after just, after losing my mom, it was unexpected and sudden and, you know, I was only 23, we and I just envisioned it differently. I thought, now here I am, I'm finally launching my career and now I won't have my mom here. And, and that's what started this whole thing of thinking, okay, I just want to know on a personal level, how do you go through grief, how do you go through grief? How do you become mentally strong when you go through hard times?

And then certainly when I became widowed at 26, I mean, nobody's widowed at 26. It was the strangest, most surreal experience. Yeah, it was not supposed to happen. Right, what am I gonna do now? All my other friends were just starting to get married and talking about their lives together. And I think, well now, to be 26 in widowed,

I thought, now, what, all these, wasn't in widow, to thought, now what, all these, it wasn't just I lost my husband, but I lost all these dreams that we'd had and all these things we were going to do and I had to figure out, what do I still want to do? Do I still want to be, we were foster parents, do I still want to be a foster parent? We were going to adopt, do I still want to do that?

Do I still want to live in the same house? Do I want to, how many of our dreams do I live out and what do I give up? And I was, you know, incredibly tough and I didn't know anybody else who was going through it. I didn't know any widows who were in their 20s. I knew people that were, you know, widowed at 80, but nobody that was widowed at 20 and so I felt alone.

It was really alone. And so, needless to say, I worked really hard on figuring out how do you go through pain? Our tendency is to try to go around it. We don't wanna go through it. Yes. But grief is a process by which we heal, you have to go through all that hard stuff and it's hard as it is, that's what I knew, you know, I just think, yeah, you sound like

a psychotherapist right? Imagine that, right? But I knew from the people in my office, the people that actually let themselves go through the pain, ultimately healed and I thought, okay, I have to go through this. And then, but what does that mean? Like does that look like just being depressed and locking yourself in a room? I mean, what does that actually mean? I was out, you know, because when we're so uncomfortable with grief And I don't and I do the same thing to other people but friends and family would be like let's go out to dinner

Yeah, to keep you busy and right and they wanted to distract you all the time And so the tendency I could have escaped I could have found 101 things to do to try to escape the pain but and it wasn't about feeling sorry for myself either but it was about knowing okay this is it's okay to be sad and I had to honor what I lost and face it head on and sometimes it was more about just leaning into the pain and knowing okay it's Friday night and I'm sitting home alone and and that's okay sometimes because it's okay to be sad and it's okay to be on the floor crying some days when you don't want to get out of bed and But I didn't how do you not eat the barrel of ice cream or binge watch Netflix or do something else distracting at home?

Well, you know, so I had to figure out how do I take care of myself even though this is painful So it has an exercise. I had to make sure I eat it was eating as healthy as I could and it's tough to sleep But I had to figure out how do I make myself go to bed instead of just watching TV all night? That would have been much easier. Did you medicate yourself during that time? I didn't. My doctor tried to prescribe me some stuff but at the time I felt like you know I'm not depressed, I'm grieving and there's a difference and I didn't want to just try to like numb the pain I just wanted to get through it and I don't fault people who take in I depressants but for me in that point I just felt like this isn't what I need and And my doctor said, I'll give you sleeping pills. And she was really trying to give me whatever she thought would help. But national security

experts are warning our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked the third time a power station in North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the tech raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking our grid for vulnerabilities. They've identified nine key substations. If these substations are attacked, power could be knocked out from coast to coast for up to 18 months. Imagine a black outlasting, not days,

but weeks or months, your life would be frozen right in time right when the power goes out. That's why having your own solar power is more important than ever. With the Patriot Power Generator, you get a solar generator that doesn't install into your house because it's portable. You can take it with you. Even use it inside. But it's powerful enough for your phones, medical devices, or even your fridge.

And right now, you can go to FordPatreots.com and use code Confidence to get 10% off your first purchase on anything in the store, including the Patriot Power Generator. You'll also get their famous guarantee for an entire year after your order. Plus, free shipping on orders over $97, and a portion of every sale is donated to charities who support our veterans and their families. Just go to 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get 10% off. That's 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get yours today. If your business earns millions or tens of millions of revenue, stop what you're doing and take a listen because NetSuite by Oracle has just rolled out the best offer we've ever

seen. NetSuite gives you the visibility control you need to make better decisions faster. And for the first time in NetSuite's 22 years as the number one cloud financial system, you can defer payments of a full net suite implementation for six months. That's no payment, no interest for six months. And you can take advantage of this special financing offer today. Net suite is number one because they give your business everything you need in real time,

all in one place to reduce manual processes, boost efficiency, build forecast, and increase productivity across every department. Now listen, the importance of having all this information in one place to make better decisions is unprecedented. The offer NetSuite is giving you is unbelievable and it's making it all possible for you to have it. Now, 33,000 companies have already upgraded to NetSuite gaining visibility and control over their financials, inventory, HR, e-commerce, and more. If you've been sizing NetSuite up to make the switch,

then you know this deal is unprecedented. No interest, no payments, take advantage of the special financing offer at nextweat.com slash monahan. NetSuite.com slash monahan, to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm. NetSuite.com slash monahan.

Thank God you didn't take those things. I one time in my life went through tough time and I couldn't sleep and I took those and it's so hard to get off of them. Your brain tricks you when it comes time for bed that you have to have it to fall asleep. Right. And I didn't want to get caught up in something like that. And so, you know, I did some other bizarre stuff. I kind of figured out what do I sell.

I didn't need, we had a boat. We don't need a boat anymore. I don't drive a boat. And then I thought, well, what do I want in life? Oh, I kind of always wanted a motorcycle. So I went out and got one. You do not look like, I wish you guys could see Amy right now. She's literally like just walked off and add and nan-tucket.

So adorable. And no, I can't picture this on a Harley. Right, so I got my motorcycle license and it was something that I did because I thought you know what, I always thought it would be cool to do it. I probably wouldn't have done it if I was still married because we were doing other stuff.

Right. So it was a lot of that kind of just child and error and figuring out how do I rebuild life? Like who you are without him. Exactly, exactly. And now, you know, and you really loved him. I did. I adored him.

We met when we were young and sort of like grown up together and came into our own, graduated college together and thought, okay, now here we go and launching this life. And how many years ago is this? So this was he died in 2006. And so took years, about four years later, I felt like, all right, come on, life back. It took four years to go through the pain.

To really feel like, you know, not just to go through the pain, like it got a little bit easier after one year and by two years, it was like, okay, I'm starting to get there, but like your three eyes was like, okay, I'm living again, I'm out there doing stuff and then... And dating again? Well, you know, my friends would be like,

what do you think? I think you're gonna get back out there and at first I was like no, you know it's awkward to be like, you're in a 28 year old widow. And it just wasn't interested in that but I had a friend that I had known forever and he knew my story and we never had any sort of romantic connection but about four years later, there was a spark. And so we fell in love and we got married. And I thought, this is great. So comfortable. You weren't so scared.

Something was going to happen to him. That's the first thing that just popped into my mind. That's scary. Yeah, I was. I definitely was. And shortly after we got married, his dad had got diagnosed with cancer. And at first the doctors were like, nope, we've got this, no problems, prostate cancer,

you're not supposed to die from that. But for about two months, they're like, actually, we don't have this. And they gave him a terminal diagnosis. And I thought, this isn't fair. You know, I finally went through all this stuff in my life. I finally feel like I'm back on my feet. Now I'm going to lose somebody else. And I had gotten really close over the years.

And I know what it's like to lose a parent. I don't want to see Steve lose a parent and just started thinking this isn't fair. I wanted to dig in my heels and say I'm done grieving. I don't want to go through this again. Right. And it was then that I thought alright well hosting a pity party isn't helpful. So I wrote that down in a piece of paper. Don't feel sorry for yourself. And that alright that's something that would drain me of mental strength. What else? And so I wrote a whole list. And when I was done, I had 13 things

that mentally strong people don't do. And. And these, you pull these things just from your life experience, all the things you've seen and what you've gone through. And what I've seen in my therapy office, I knew, all right, if people didn't do these certain bad habits, their good habits were much more effective.

Oh, these years. Like blaming someone else for all your problems. Right. All these years I had just sort of observed. All right. A lot of these people have the same habits, but some people it's more effective than others and other people get stuck. What's the difference?

Well, these people that are doing better don't do certain things. And so I pulled, I drew from that and came up with this list and then I thought, well, if it helps me, maybe it will help somebody else because I was reading it over and over and I just found some comfort in it. So I published it online, stepped away from my computer and thought maybe it will resonate with someone, didn't imagine it would go viral but 50 million people read that list. 50 million. 50 million, it got picked up by Forbes and got 10 million views there and Business Insider and Success Magazine before I I knew it MTV and Finland and CNN and Mexico are calling me to talk about this list And you had no idea it was gonna have this effect right and even when it was out there

So basically the list that I published was basically just the list it didn't give the backstory and so people thought This is great your therapist and you've mastered this list and you don't do these things and if for a while I didn't say anything. What nobody knew. So I'm on, you know, there's an interview where I'm on Fox News talking about this, but they didn't know my father and my dad passed away four days before I'm on National TV talking about this. I wasn't ready to open the floodgates. Right. But luckily, a literary agent called and said, you should write a book.

And we'd love that one, but that wasn't luck. You were putting yourself out there with your message, and that's how she was exposed to you. Right and then I you know in the book was sort of able to explain here's the rest of the story that I struggle with these 13 things as well and I have to make a conscious effort to not do these things. But that's the real story and that's to me why the book resonates is because you're vulnerable and sharing that. Right and as a, I wasn't used to that. I was always one listening to people's stories and asking them questions. I wasn't sharing my own.

So it was so scary to do that. In fact, I wasn't going to that first. Even when I said to my literary agent, like, I don't know, I don't really want to tell the story. And she said, well, you don't have to, but it would probably give you some credibility. People might resonate a little bit more with your story when you share why you wrote it. And seems now but at the time I thought I don't want

to tell anybody that I'm struggling with these things too but I'm glad that I did. But that's the common theme in any business, book, anything. When you, in even social media, when you're vulnerable and allow people to see us without the filters and the makeup and the BS or in the hype. That's when people, you really get people's attention because we've all been there. Whatever that pain is might be dressed up differently for someone else, but we've all felt pain. We've all felt shameful and bearous sad. Whatever those feelings are, I think that's amazing that you were able to step into that vulnerability because so many people, especially people in my opinion, in a doctor type

professional, psychotherapist, because the world puts out, you know, this pressure that you have to be perfect or that you are assuming people assume you're different than us. Right. I think that's exactly to be able to now talk about it and say, yeah, you know, we're all human and we all do experience pain. And even if you haven't lost a spouse or you haven't necessarily lost a loved one, life is painful at times. Yeah. Talk about it.

We don't talk about how do you be sad? How do you go through tough times? How do you come out on the other side? Instead, we just want to kind of sugarcoat it or like you say, share on social media all the happy stuff. We don't want to talk about the hard stuff. It's so true. And when you were just explained, I was thinking my own son that sometimes I'll find myself trying to distract him if he's getting upset, you know, because I told him you can't play Fortnite.

How do you want to go to the movies? Do you want to go to the beach? I just inherently do it without even thinking about it, which is kind of scary. Well, you know, and I think part of it is knowing, you know, sometimes it's helpful to distract yourself. If you're really, really angry, you distract yourself for a few minutes, so you can calm down and then you can make a rational decision. Or if you're so sad that you can't get out of bed and you can't go to work, you probably get involved in an activity, laying in bed won't necessarily help you feel better. So sometimes distracting yourself helps take the edge off is good, but I think in today's world we're so used to distracting ourselves with our phones and to try to do anything we can to not feel anything but numb. And because of that, we're really uncomfortable when our anxiety goes up or when we're sad, we don't know what to do with it. So this is a good challenge for everybody and someone gave me this challenge. They said,

Heather, when was the last time you're an elevator with someone and you engage in a conversation with them, someone you don't know in a building instead of looking at your phone and I thought I had no idea and it was a way for me to distract myself from being in a small space with someone I don't know. How can it be that painful but I found that forcing myself to look at someone say hi how's your day going? It feels weird. Yeah and I think I think that's a great example because I think we do the same thing and when you're sitting in the airport or you're on a bus or whatever it is, when we're around other people now,

we tune them out rather than engage with other people because it feels awkward, it feels uncomfortable, and we're so used to not talking to people that everybody's face is buried in their phone. And how much of our life is spent in lines, in airports, you know, just years of our life is spent, just, you know, waiting for different things. If we took those moments as an opportunity to connect with someone, say hello, ask how someone else is doing.

I wonder how more rich our life could be. Yes, actually I wrote an article once about why you should talk to strangers on a plane. Stop it. They did this whole study on how just saying hello to the person next to you, and even if you only engage for a couple of minutes, boosts your mood and it boosts their mood. But yet we have this idea in our head of, you know, I don't want to talk to this person because maybe they don't want to talk to me, or I think what if there are psycho and then you're stuck in a conversation with a psycho on the whole plane, right? You can't escape. That was the other reason why people said they don't engage because they're not, you know, I'm sitting next to this chatty person and once I open the floodgates, they're not going to stop talking. But they challenge people who were

commuting on the subway or people who were on a plane and they said, just try it for a week. Talk to the person next to you and see what happens. Nine times at a 10 that didn't happen. But then they talk to people too. Well, what do you do? You sit next to somebody who then starts talking and they don't stop. Well, can you do it? Well, maybe after a few minutes, you say, you know, I need to tell them, listen to something and you put on your headphones or you disengage with them again, you're able to do that. But we're so scared of doing that. I think I don't want to be rude. I don't want to be offensive. So then we just don't even say hello.

But so bizarre. That's just so our society today, but it's a great challenge. And I think that's so funny that you wrote an article about it. I spend way too much time in an airport. So I, in on a plane. I'm going to have to challenge myself because I carry ear buds with me for the singular effect of letting people know I'm occupied. Right. It's sort of the universal signal for don't talk to me. Okay.

You know I'm obsessed with LinkedIn. But hiring isn't as simple as putting an ad in the paper or posting to a job board anymore. When you're juggling, hiring with everything it takes you to grow your business, it's important that you reach the right candidates at the right time. And that's exactly where LinkedIn comes in. I am on LinkedIn every single day. It's the place where business gets done. If I mean, you can't believe the amount of people you can reach.

You can't believe how fantastic the algorithm is. And this is where everyone is that's working. So you found the place to go if you're looking to hire over 600 million members visit LinkedIn to make connections, learn about job opportunities, grow as professionals, promote themselves, ding ding ding, that's me. In fact, LinkedIn members add 15 new skills to their profiles and apply to 35 job posts every two seconds. So this definitely is the place to go if you want to hire someone.

This is how they make sure job posts get in front of people with the right hard skills and soft skills to meet your role requirements. Like collaboration, work ethic, confidence, adaptability, LinkedIn does the legwork to match you to the most qualified candidates so you can focus on hiring the right person who's going to transform your business. To get $50 off your first job post, go to LinkedIn.com slash confidence. Again, that's LinkedIn.com slash confidence to get $50 off your first job post. Terms and conditions can apply. And while you're there, check out my profile, Heather Monahan on LinkedIn. I'm all over it, giving you new ideas and creating new posts every day.

So take advantage of this. It's a great deal and you're going to love it. So tell me what are the, what are the few core messages out of the 13 that you feel like resonate the most with people or the most popular? So the one out of all the 13, the one that people want to talk about the most is number two, which is that mentally strong people don't give away their power. And that one is really about saying, all right, it's up to me how I think, how I feel, and how I behave, because you can see it in our language that we tend to blame other people, like this person makes me mad. Yeah. What about forces you to be mad? Right. You're in control of how you feel. Or we say, you know, I have to

to work later, my boss makes me work late. Are you really in control of how you feel. Or we say, you know, I have to work later. My boss makes me work late. Are you really in control of how you feel though? Because I mentioned something that upset me, that happens to me, that email that I received that was upsetting to me. I didn't know I was controlling myself to feel upset, hurt, or sad. You know, and I think it's not about saying, you know, that you have to be happy all this time. But when you get upset, you have options than what you do with it. So when your anger hits a 10 on the meter, or you feel really sad because somebody hurts your feelings, well, then what are you going to do next?

Sort of like, how are you going to respond to it? Because I think that's a big misconception. People think if you're mentally strong, that you don't feel anything, that you're going to not have any pain, that everything just bounces off you, and that's not what I'm trying to convey at all. But it's really about being aware of how you feel and knowing how do your emotions affect you. When are your emotions helpful?

When aren't they helpful? And then knowing which kind of action you should take after that. And so you're suggesting to people that it's empowering to think that you play an important role in this. Right, right. And you know, you don't have to let other people affect your mood nearly as much as you might think. I took to a lot of people who will be like,

oh, you know, someone's always in a bad mood, so it brought me down. Well, don't let it. Figure out how are you gonna cope? How are you gonna respond to people around you, but you don't have to let them drag you down or hold you back? I say fire those villains because I am one of those people that the same way that if I am in an environment with no sun,

it's like, oh, I feel so down. And then suddenly the sun comes out and I'm, well, I'm back, you know, I feel the same way that if I am in an environment with no sun, it's like, oh, I feel so down and then suddenly the sun comes out and I'm, well, I'm back, you know, I feel the same way when I meet someone face to face and I connect with their energy. These are my people. I'm with my crew. Conversely, there is a spin instructor where I work out that for some reason when I'm around that guy, I feel an energy drain and I just I can't take his classes. I don't want to run into him. But I mean, it's a visceral effect. Right. And I think to just be aware of how the people around us are affecting us, because I think it's important to how do you set your life up to be mentally strong?

If you're surrounded by toxic energy vampires. You can't. Right. And you know, you have a job that you hate and it's a dead end job, but you like the money. Well, the consequence is you're not not gonna stay very strong working there If you're surrounded by friends and family who are always berating you or people that are always really needy And they never give you anything back. It's gonna take a toll on you too Okay, well you hit me with the one when you're at a job when you're making a lot of money But you're surrounded with negative people and you don't like what you're doing that was me up until I got fired a little over a year and a half ago When you're in it Amy, I don't know have you ever been in a situation like that before?

I've had jobs I didn't like for sure. But when you're in it, don't you find it hard to see that there is options outside of it? Absolutely. So how do you get there? How do you get that vision? So I think without getting fired like me. What's about balancing sort of the logic and the emotion? Sometimes you just say what would I say to a friend, right? That's an awesome perspective.

A friend came to me and said, gosh, I'm in this job and there's nothing else I can do. You'd be like, of course, you have option. Of course. But when we're in it, you know, our emotions are so high that sometimes your judgment gets clouded and so just stepping out or sometimes it's a matter of talking to somebody. If you can't be the voice of reason, you just talk to somebody, hey, listen to what I'm going through. And to really listen to what other people say, your trusted core people, they have ideas for you and are you always saying,

yeah, but that won't work for me or you really willing to listen and say, you know, what can I do about this? And I'm ready to try to do something different. Right. Because it is so much better when you get that vision and accept what's going on for what it really is versus having to wait to be pushed out of a situation like that. I would totally recommend option A on this one people. So one of the things I wanted to ask you about because you would shared with me when we first met the story of how your book came to be this massive phenomenal success because as you know, myself, my listeners

were so interested in creating confidence. And on the outside looking in at you, people could say, well, okay, she had a tough personal situation, however, she's a psycho there, but she's an amazing author. You know, it was destined to succeed, but you living this past few years with this book, you didn't always know this book was gonna be

a runaway success, did you? I did not. So we thought it was going to, my publisher was pretty confident it was gonna do well when it came out, because 50 million people read the article. The book came in, of course you're gonna sell 50 million books. Obviously, right?

And they're gonna buy one for a friend. So it doesn't really work that way. It didn't work that way. And so it was disappointing, the first, I remember when it first came out and and sales were not particularly awesome and thinking uh-oh That's a lot of pressure. It really was. I mean, you know We had all these interviews lined up and I was doing as much media as I could but it wasn't necessarily selling the book And so after a couple of months it was sort of like I'd faded in the background

Publisher said the big publishing houses they are working on other books and my media interviews and opportunities were were slowing down and I thought this is really sad. It could be just ending now, refilling that way. Yeah so I thought alright that was cool like I'm a therapist and I got to write a book. That's awesome. But you were just gonna go back and be a therapist again. Right and I thought that's what I'll do is I'm just gonna be a therapist and that's fine. I thought this was an amazing opportunity that Right, and I thought that's what I'll do, and then I'm just gonna be a therapist. And that's fine, I thought this was an amazing opportunity that I had, and I had a conversation with my agent

at some point, it was probably a year after the book came out, and I said, what do you think? And she said, you know, you did a great job, you did a great job, and I can probably get you a publishing deal with a different publishing house someday if you wanna write a different book. That's depressing. Probably not with this publisher again.

And it was like those words like just clicked and I thought okay challenge accepted and I just doubled down on the articles that I was writing by then I was writing for ink and psychology today. And I thought you know I'm just gonna keep working at this. I'm not ready to give up and I just want to see what happens and so I just kept writing and writing. And before I knew it, articles were starting to get picked up in other places and Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh started talking about it on their radio shows and just amazing thing started happening and it was then that I hit the Wall Street Journal bestseller list. It was over a year after the book came out, which is unheard of. Most books hit it the very first week they tried out or they didn't hit it at all. But I was hitting best other lists over a year after

the book came out and I thought, okay, here we go. But what's important to highlight here in my opinion is that you reach that pinnacle moment where you could have packed it up and said, okay, I'm going to go back to my original plan A, which is on my therapist and forget about this literary world. Or I can take this as the biggest challenge that's been thrown in my plate in a while, and I'm going to jump in and work my butt off and make it happen. And you chose to go for it and take that risk. I did, and I'm so glad that I did. So are so many people, thankfully, right?

This book helps so many people. Right. And so then as it started then spiraling in a word of mouth caught on I just had to like hit this threshold and once it hit this certain threshold then I had enough people out there talking about the book that then it was selling more copies and so here it is almost five years later the book is still in target which target doesn't carry a lot of books and they normally don't carry them that long and then CVS just I don't know two months ago CVS called and said we're gonna sell your book. How many years later from launch are we right now?

So I wrote the book, the book hit the shelves at the end of 2014, so it's been almost five years. And you're still getting first right now, five years later. Right, it's amazing. It's still selling in other languages. We just sold it and simplified Chinese this past week. And so it's still spreading.

You haven't really made it until you're in simplified Chinese. That's impressive but as an author, even just to be republished in any other language is in a huge accomplishment. Right, to get a call from you know publishing house in another country and they say hey we want to translate your book. I need to have to do any of the work. That's like the most amazing thing. They just take your book, they hire somebody to translate it, they do the cover, and then if there's an audio book, somebody reads it, and you don't have to do anything.

It's the most amazing thing. What's so amazing about that, and I never thought about this in my old career, and I'm interested to know if you thought about it when you were specifically a therapist, or only a therapist for lack of a better expression. Passive income is life changing. When, you know, my life in corporate America was every day of the grind, every day get up.

There was never a vision in my mind. That's what you're supposed to do, and that's what you get paid for. Now that I'm learning the book world and e-learning world, and there's so many different products and services out there. But when you get into this passive income world, that's a beautiful business model. It is. To make money in my sleep, I'll wake up in the morning and I've sold a course in my sleep

or I've managed to, you know, sell a certain amount of books or I just got another book deal in another language. I didn't have to do anything for it. I mean, it's a life changing for sure. As a therapist, you're on this treadmill. You can only see so many people per day. You can only see a certain amount of clients a week and still be effective.

And then you just don't have the energy after that to say, okay, now I'm gonna go out and get a second job. We're gonna go do something else in your drain. You have to take care of yourself. You should know what that means already. That's the best kind of notification. That's the sound of another sale on Shopify. And the moment another business dream becomes a reality. Shopify is a commerce platform revolutionizing

millions of businesses worldwide, whether you're selling books or courses, Shopify is simplifies selling online and in person. So you can focus on successfully growing your business. Shopify covers every sales channel from in person POS system to all in one ecommerce platforms that even lets you sell across social media marketplaces like TikTok, Facebook and Instagram, packed with industry leading tools ready to ignite your growth. Shopify gives you complete control over your business and your brand. And thanks to 24 7 help and extensive business course library Shopify is there to support your success every step of the way.

I love Shopify. What's been incredible for me about Shopify is how no matter how big you want to grow, Shopify is there to empower you and give you the confidence and control to revolutionize your business and take your business to the next level. Now it's your turn. Get serious about selling and try Shopify today. This is Possibility powered by Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash

monahen. All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash monahen to take your business to the next level today. Shopify.com slash monahen. See you have a business idea, but you're not sure what to do next. Don't go into debt spending four plus years on a degree. Listen to the Millionaire University podcast. Learn how to run a successful business and graduate rich. Not broke. Trust me, you need to check out this podcast. The Millionaire University podcast is hosted by Justin and Tara Williams,

who started their business from Square One and now have years of valuable experience. They hit lows and dug themselves out of debt and want to share the lessons they've learned with aspiring entrepreneurs. You don't need a degree to succeed. Millionaire University will teach you everything you need to know. From specifics like how to start a software business without creating your own software, to more broad topics like eight businesses you can start tomorrow to make 10k a month. In each episode you'll get insights from entrepreneurs and mentors who know what it takes to be successful.

So don't wait. Now is the time to turn your business idea into a reality by listening to the millionaire university podcast. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Find the millionaire university on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! ABC Tonight's This Batch the Rat came for the Fairy Tale. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. But things get real. I have such a great group of guys.

I see myself with each of them. Real fast. I've just exploded. You did me dirty. Are you kidding? Your clothes is on the chest, but who's to say I can't clip that off? Oh. The Baxlorette premieres tonight,

9-8 Central YBC, and Streamon Hulu. So your compensation is limited? Right. And if you know as long as I was working as a therapist, that's how it was. Sort of like if you get sick for a few weeks good luck you're not gonna make any money if you aren't seeing people. So you feel like you're on this treadmill and it's hard to get off. Did you ever have a vision back then that there was some bigger business plan for you that you

did want passive income that you did want to go there? I did so strangely we started my husband and I had started a online e-commerce jewelry business and it was a dropship company I didn't actually physically touch any of the products but I was able to get them dropships from a wholesaler and that was my first experience with passive income I thought you know I go to work as a therapist all day and I work really really hard meanwhile at home my computer just goes chitching, chitching, chitching, because people are buying bracelets and rings and necklaces. I never actually physically handle the products. It took a little bit of work. You had to go in and put in your shipping address, but that was it.

And I was making money that way, and so I had that spark and that interest in knowing there's stuff out there. There's opportunities, but I just didn't know what to do or how to turn therapy into something that would make more money for me. When you look back on your life now, do those dots connect that it all makes sense now why you started as a therapist and then why you got into becoming an entrepreneur and then an author? Yeah, absolutely, and how I've been able to build on things. When I was doing the jewelry business, I learned so much about marketing and that's how my husband learned how to make websites. He, he now makes my website. Now,

then I'm an author, and I use so many of the marketing things that I learned back then, and so many of the writing, because writing was just a small side hustle after I was widow, it was a way to earn money. But now writing turned into a business that earns me an income. And so, it just so many things. And amazing income. Right. It's just I want people to know how there's a lot of authors out there. There's not necessarily a lot of authors that are profitable or make an amazing income. And it's important to know to reach that tipping point, to put in the level of work that you did and belief in yourself. That seems, that was the difference maker.

Absolutely. I know it's so hard to sell books. They say people read two books a year. You're kidding. The average person, right? So how do you- Maybe that's our issue people. How do you get to be one of the two books that somebody's gonna read? Wow. And I start to get it in the hands of people who are actually gonna read it and to keep reaching a new audience and to keep it spreading is really it's a tough thing to do. So I won't say it's easy but I'll say it's possible and it's an amazing adventure if you can do it. So what is the future look like for you now? Great question so my third book just came out the

book about women in particular or the parenting book so now I and these are 13 things mentally strong people don't do for women. So it's 13 things mentally strong. Parents don't do is book number two. Book number three is 13 things mentally strong. Women don't do. Okay. And so people keep asking me what's your fourth book? And to be honest, the parenting book came out of readers of my first book kept saying,

how do we teach kids how to be mentally strong? So I thought, oh, make sense to write the parenting book. And then after the parenting book came out, readers kept saying, well, what about women? We have so many examples of mental strength, but they're usually a navy seal or we talk about elite athletes and your men I thought oh you're right so I'll write the book for women and so now I get lots of other questions I have so many people say can you write one for entrepreneurs? Can you write one for for tiered shows? You're so qualified to do the entrepreneur one. I think that's a great one. I think so too. So I'm actually meeting with my publisher soon

and I think we'll talk more about what's next. What do I do next? How do I keep spreading this message without watering everything down and I don't want to repeat anything I've done. I want to do something new and reach a new audience and make sure that it's useful and helpful for them. Will you be afraid to take a risk and reinvent yourself yet again because you've had massive success?

Will that be too much pressure to try to completely do something different? I don't think so. I think at this moment, I think, you know, I never imagined I'd be speaking and doing online courses and all of that, but I've just been open to opportunities and saying, let's see what happens next, but I don't have a really clear plan. I know a lot of people think you need a super clear plan and you need to know what you're going to do next, but I think for me, if I had said, this is what's going to be next and I follow that path. I would have missed out on the stuff that came along. You would have stayed a therapist for your entire career.

I also think what you just described, that is being an entrepreneur, is moving forward not knowing what the next step is. Moving forward in the dark is really, that's the life of being an entrepreneur. That's what I've found. Yeah, absolutely. Knowing that sometimes your path may not take you to where you envision anyway, but to be open to knowing what are people saying and when you open one door, then what else is going to open and to just keep going? And when you were a child, what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? I was going to be a doctor. Even when I went to college, that was my passion. I thought I'm going to be a doctor. Even when I went to college, that was my passion. I thought

I'm going to be a doctor and I realized, no, I want to help people, but I don't want to, you know, get into the blood and guts and gore if the doctor. I'm not interested in that. It took a bit to come to that decision. You know, there's other ways to help people and without becoming a medical doctor. And you definitely achieved that. I mean, the amount of people you've helped with this book alone is just it's amazing It's overwhelming. I get emails from people in other parts of the world who are they and they'll send me a picture somebody reading That reading my book on the beach in Egypt and I just think how did that how did that come to be my life? Is it the most amazing feeling though and you get these heartfelt notes from people? It is and you just really opens my eyes how a lot of other countries you don't have

access to to be able to talk to it's air best. They don't talk about mental housing. No idea. And the emails I get from people that will say you know this has been so helpful to me. Thank you. It's worth so much. So living a purpose and passion driven life for you is really, I'm everything, right? I mean, because you're helping people. That's been your goal since you were a child. Right, absolutely. And I just, I never dreamed that this would be the way

that I get to help people, but I'm so glad that it is. So when you look back over your entire life, I'd love to ask all my guests this, when was the moment in your life that you felt you really struggled with your confidence the most? Oh, probably like middle school junior high. It's shocking to me how many people say that.

Yeah, I was really, you know, the really chubby shy kid that sat in the back of the class and never spoke. I've never said a word. I can't believe this. I'm in shock. And it was so shy. And, you know, I used to have a teacher and my face would turn bright red. And so the fact that I'm a public speaker now

is just nothing I would have ever imagined either. But if the teacher called on me, like my face would just instantly turn red. And I hated talking to the point that even in high school, my English teacher would read my papers for me because I didn't dare read them in front of the class. You're kidding.

And now you have a TED talk that has over nine million views. Right. So how did you go from that child to the TED talk woman? You know, going through the tough times that I went through, one thing that taught me was it's not really about me. It used to be when I would step up on a stage if I was going to step up in front of the class for a project. I was just thinking, oh gosh, everybody's looking at me and they were going gonna know I'm really nervous and they're staring at me. And after my mother passed

away, I wanted to give a eulogy to her funeral and I thought, wow, that was really brave. It was, but I thought it's not about me. I don't care if people are staring at me or if they know that I it was about her. It was about making sure that people heard the message that I wanted to talk about with her. And like it was like a light switch flipped in me For as far as public speaking is concerned to say it's not about me And if I look like an idiot up there It's more about am I conveying the message and helping the audience so now that I can think about that Public speaking isn't a big deal anymore

Okay, this is so funny and embarrassing, but what you just Explained is so beautifully well said. I couldn't agree with you more. However, the way I've always explained it is so terrible. I've always said, it's not about you. No one's looking at you. They're all looking at their phone, scrolling on Instagram.

You know, but so I've always seen it. Yeah, it's not about you. And we think the world's looking at us. But I like the way that you articulate that so much better because it is about the message. It is about making sure people knew who your mother was and what she represented and and all of those memories So I really like how you articulate that but I do see the other side of it too Sometimes the challenge is trying to get anyone to pay any attention to right right

But I think a lot of us have that fear sometimes that being judged people are looking at us They're thinking about us. They're critiquing us but the truth is most people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think that they are. It's so true, I don't know why we all actually believe that when you think about it. Right, we think everybody's judging us. Like no, they have better things to do than sit around and think about you. So are you so proud of yourself now and you sit to think about that child that you were and that you would turn red in the face to even answer a question and now that you take

these massive stages. I am. I have to sort of pinch myself and I'll think, because it's really my life, my really doing this, and it's almost like, because I'm not terrified and because I dare to do it, I just have to take a moment sometimes and be like, I'm really doing this. And you don't get nervous when you get up on stage. You know, I get more excited than nervous. Like sometimes I still get some jitters, but I have fun while I'm up there,

which I didn't even know was possible. It's unbelievable. What can happen when you reframe something, which is really what it sounds like empowers you to reach this level of success was speaking. But sometimes it's just conquering the fear, taking this that first stage and realizing I didn't die. I made it through. Right. Anxiety is uncomfortable, but it's not the end of the world. And when you face it regularly, you think, oh yeah, okay, that's tolerable, I can do it. Right, it's temporary, this two-shell pass, and we are going to make it through. Right. So if you have not read the book yet, it's 13 things, mentally strong people don't do, please get it. It makes the world a better place, the more people

that we have understanding that they can be empowered to manage themselves. Absolutely. Amy, thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate it immensely. Thanks for having me. All right, stay tuned. Hang with me. So I hope you enjoyed meeting Amy as much as I did. I really got so much from her. She is a wealth of knowledge. Her book is phenomenal. Definitely check it out. 13 things, mentally strong people don't do. Dropping those bad habits make all the difference instead of focusing on what we can do to get better, which is a completely different way of thinking for me,

and it definitely works. That's for sure. So definitely try to drop some bad habits this week, even if it's just for seven days. Pick whichever one that you want to rip out of your life and see how much stronger you get. Amy knows what she's talking about. She's dropping some serious knowledge. Okay. So now onto the questions that I've had sent in. And this is a lot of this, this first question seems to be a lot about the speaking business. So this woman is asking me approximately how long should your real B. I saw

Kendra's was over 10 minutes. She's referencing Kendra Hall's episode where she talked to us about how to become a public speaker and how she becomes confident on stage, et cetera. So listen, here's the thing, there's no hard and fast rule. I was told it had to be 30 minutes, but then talking to Kendra, you know, Kendra when she first started out, she just did a reel that was a few minutes. My reel was only five minutes when I first put one together

because that's all the material that I had, right? So, you know, you wanna be able to show that you have a presence on stage, what your message is about, what problem you're solving, and include testimonials, those are the keys. But start where you need to at first and you can always grow it overials. Those are the keys, but start where you need to at first and you can always grow it over time and improve it over time, which you should, which we all should as, you know, in any business. That doesn't have to be speaking alone.

Whatever your highlight reel is, you always want to get more reviews, more recommendations and build those in to whatever packaging that you're using. What is a realistic expectation for a number of speeches to book in the first year? So I don't really believe in this kind of stuff, a realistic expectation. It depends if you want to go all in, it depends what you want to achieve. I believe in going big.

So to me, my realistic expectation is, it's massive. I want to achieve so much and I love speaking and I've been having a lot of success with it So I don't say I might say to myself. I need to book a minimum of two speaking engagements a month just to plan ahead for myself But to me, you know, I don't think there's an expectation on it It's more about what am I willing to do work wise to put the work in to make the contacts to send out the pitches It's all a function of the work that you're putting out,

what you'll get back, making sure you've got a good reel, making sure you've got a good message, a good kit, you've got a ton of testimonials, and then connecting with those right people ahead of time, you've got to get people, they have to want to hear your message, believe in your message, believe in and trust you, whether you are referred to them, or it's your testimonials or you're real,

and then that has to align with their meetings. So there's a number of different things that have to occur, but I don't have an expectation for numbers, features, it's really, you know, it's up to how much work you wanna put into it and how hard you're gonna try. Number three, is it rude to have an assistant reach out on your behalf?

I don't think so, absolutely not. I do it both ways, have an assistant reach out, but behalf? I don't think so, absolutely not. I do it both ways. Have an assistant reach out, but I would also reach out. If I see an opportunity, I'm on my computer and I notice that there's a big event coming up. I'm not going to wait to hand that off to an assistant. I'm going to jump on right away and what I do, because I believe timing is of the essence and if I'm seeing something, somebody else is seeing it too, right?

I can't be the only person. So I jumped right away on something like that. I just thought that there was a really big woman's conference coming to Florida and I didn't know about it. So the first thing I did was I went to the page, I went to about us, I want to find the board of directors, the staff, I want to see who the person is in charge of the event planning.

No one had that title. So the next thing I shifted to is I have this software which I was introduced to through a good friend I met on LinkedIn called Seamless AI. And what I do is I go into that software. I type in those people's names. I go into LinkedIn, it overlays on top of LinkedIn and then it gets me their email.

It's somehow it's able to pull through LinkedIn, their email addresses, and then I email each one directly asking for help. I'm not sure if you're the right person to contact. However, here's the value that I would bring. Here's why I would help you promote the event. Here's the reason why it's going to have impact. Here's why it makes sense for you. Here's why it's great for you.

Blah, blah, blah. And then I send it out that way. So I don't think there's anything wrong with having an assistant and that's one approach. But I also would not use that as the only approach, especially as you're building your business. Okay. If you could go back and start over again and creating your speaking business and brand, would you change anything? I mean, the only thing that I would change is I didn't know in the beginning that the speaking business was going to be my primary revenue stream. That's my largest stream. I had no idea.

So I guess what I would have done earlier is I would have spent more time leaning into sending out pitches, which I wasn't doing because I was working on, you know, setting up the podcast or I was working on my second book or I was working on promoting my first book. You know, I had so many different things going on and you just learn as you go. So I don't beat myself up over that. You know, if I could go back, I would have just sent out more pitches earlier on, but live and learn, right? We just got to keep on going. Okay, what has been the most challenging aspect of the business for you? The most challenging aspect of the business for me is every time I'm looking to do something new, I have to teach myself how to do it and I have to figure it out.

And you know, that sometimes takes time. It's sometimes frustrating. So, you know, scary and frankly, you know, trying to connect those dots when you hear there's an opportunity and then you'll have a dialogue with someone and then they go dark and then you're trying to reach out But not annoy them, but you want to make sure you get booked before their event or you know It's these interesting nuances that are the same in any business, but when you feel like you're under that That new umbrella that new industry that you're not you know

I don't have millions of contacts in this space. I'm learning them and I'm developing them. However, I came from a career of 20 years in one industry where I had millions of contacts. So it just makes it a little bit more challenging. But I also know that I was able to do it one time so I can definitely do it again. And you can too. It's just about putting the time and effort in.

Okay. So then I'm going to flip over to something else. This is kind of interesting. I was on a show, Cal Foseman show, he's a friend of mine who has a great podcast and he had me on and when I was on his show, he asked me a lot about sales and sales leadership and he really got into the sales aspect of my career. So this is great. So I got this note from someone, I'll leave their name out of it,

but I want to share the story with you. Heather, I'm sure you get these a lot, et cetera, et cetera. I'm an executive director of a nonprofit and herge you on Cal show. Every year we take our team on a trip from Washington to South Dakota and we don't have a large budget for it. But this year we were intense and a horrible weather alert came tornado winds. It was a major crisis. I'm flooding occurred. I had to bring

everyone to the nearest city to get hotel rooms for the team and I remembered the story you told on the podcast about appearances and about asking for discounted rooms and I did just that what you suggested and we got more than 40% off each room. And free breakfast, I would have never thought to do this if you hadn't taught me on the podcast. So he says, it seems trivial, but I have a whole team, and we were so excited to be able to get in and be safe and then be able to get back to work.

Thank you so much. So what I shared on that podcast I was on, and I want to share now in case you didn't hear it is that you know number one in any situation everything is negotiable and that goes for hotel rooms that goes for restaurants. I mean that really goes for everything. So this idea that oh I walked into a hotel and it's too expensive, you know that that's on you to say, okay, Mr. Frontess Manager, I would love to stay here. However, that's a bit out of my price range. I, there's something that you can find for me in this price range.

I know you can do it. You know, and then if you get, no, you ask, well, is there someone else I could speak to that maybe could approve that, you know, who would be the person has that ultimate decision making ability? And I found myself in situations like this many times, my son and I one time were in Canada and it was freezing and we were told a hotel is sold out. And I asked for the manager and I explained my situation and I asked for his help. And they always have rooms that they hold back.

That's just the nature of the business. Or you know, whether it's your going in for dinner and you didn't make the reservation and you told all your friends you had, I have in the past walked up and said, yes, Monahan, it's party of four. And they'll look at me. But if you approach things really

from a confident standpoint, these places always keep tables back. They always keep an opportunity to encase someone important comes in. And 99% of the time they're going to help you out because just like us, they're normal people usually. And it's just about asking and going up and being your most confident self while being nice and smiling, you know, and everything else. But it's about giving it a shot. And I'm so glad to hear that gentleman was able to pull that off for his team. I can't wait to hear what you can pull off. So thank you for being here again with me this week. If you would please share the podcast,

subscribe, rate, and review. I know it gets so old hearing that, but it really helps so much. And I'm so grateful for you being here each week with me on this journey, and I can't wait to see you next week. And give up those negative habits this week for seven days. Let's do it together. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young and Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit.

On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-list guests on Young & Profiting. I've got the best guest. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark, Damon John, serial entrepreneurs, Alex and Leila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose.

Every episode is jam-packed with that's going to push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously, which is why I'm known as the podcast princess, and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcasts is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you. It's an advanced show. As long as you want to learn and level up,

you will be forever young. So join podcast royalty and subscribe to Young & Profiting Podcast. Or, yeah, like it's often called by my app fam. On Apple Spotify, Cast Box, or wherever you listen to your podcast.