Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - THIS Is How You Know The BEST Is Yet To Come with Heather! Episode 320

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

Have you been wanting to work with Heather? Her annual elite mastermind is open NOW!   She is only accepting 20 participants this year! Click the link below to learn more and apply now if you are ready to go to the next level!  https://bit.ly/hm-cc-mastermind  In This Episode You Will Learn About:  The advice you need to find peace in the CHAOS Building a supportive network that makes all the difference How to let go and TRUST a higher power when things get bad My best tips for nailing your next presentation Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Visit Indeed.com/monahan to start hiring now Start your Free Month of Thinkific Plus at: thinkific.com/confidence Go to 4Patriots.com and use code CONFIDENCE to get 10% off Show Notes:  I have been receiving so many SIGNS that I need to talk about this subject with you today. And that is grief and loss. It is painful and can be so hard to understand if you are in the middle of it. But there is a way through the tough times! When things feel chaotic or challenging, it is time to let go of control and trust that everything happens for a reason. This time is temporary! I know you will make it to the other side. Lean on those around you and remember: The BEST is yet to come.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so a couple of things that I want to cover today. One, I want to cover a question that was sent in as a DM on LinkedIn. And two, I want to talk a little bit about something interesting. I always feel like when things show up multiple times in my life, right before I'm going to record a podcast episode, it's a sign that I'm supposed to talk about it for you.

So I hope that it will help you in some way. And two people who are very close to me, one's actually a family member, another, one of my dearest friends, have been going through it in the past couple days just unexpected, unhappy situations with another person that is very, very close to them. And let's just put it this way, my phone has been ringing off the hook the past couple of days from these two people because they're suffering. You know, they're grieving. They're

going through really tough emotions, which we've all been through. We can all relate to. But I want to kind of share the conversations that we've had without getting the specifics on their situation. But, you know, it's always easy to see in somebody else. What they need to do, it's not always that easy

when you're in it, right? When you're in it, it's not always that easy when you're in it, right? When you're in it, it's tough. It's tough to be self-aware, to take deep breaths, to go work out, to know that it's temporary and it's going to pass, to give yourself grace, right, to do all those things. So I want to get into both of those. But first, I'll start with a listener question around this person's giving a talk of presentation. And it sounds like it's one of the first big talks this person's given on confidence and resilience

and is asking me for any or all tips on how to give a great presentation, great speech. So I've talked about this a number of times, but happy to, I get so many questions on this. This is actually why I launched my mastermind on speaking and elevating your brand and going to the next level, because I get so many questions on this.

If you haven't checked out the mastermind yet, go to the show notes. Literally, we're in the last week that I'll be accepting people for it. So would love to have you apply, see if you're the right fit, and if you are, would love to welcome you to the team. So much about what you will accomplish

will be dictated by the people that you have surrounded you. And if they're there cheering you on, stretching you and teaching you to grow, or if they're fine with you, remaining at status quo. So if you're not going to be a part of my team, get around another team that's elevating you, but it's critical to find your team and make sure you've got people cheering you on and stretching you and challenging you to grow. This is your reminder. Right now, take action. Make it happen. I can't tell you. I had, I actually had someone on my podcast this week

I recorded a show. You'll hear it in a couple of weeks. And this person is such a champion for me. And it just reminds me every time I hang up with him, this guy is just such a champion for me, always encouraging me, always reminding me what's good about me, what he's proud of for me. And when I question something about myself, reminding me, no, you're right. Listen to your intuition, listen to your gut,

be confident in who you are. And having people like that on your side is everything. So if you don't have those people, it's time right now to fire your villains and go find your tribe, game changing. Okay, so let's start with this woman who's giving a presentation on competence and resilience. Okay, first and foremost, go to the venue ahead of time.

I say this all the time. The more you can place yourself somewhere ahead of time, see yourself crushing it, confident on the stage, the crowd going wild, visualize what's gonna happen, the more real it becomes. Your mind, your subconscious doesn't know any difference between you visualizing and imagining something, and you actually having been there.

So if you go there in the mind first, it's not your first presentation. You've already done it and you killed it, right? So do that work, show up at the venue, visualize yourself there, take pictures, feel comfortable, get on that stage, picture what it's gonna be like and how amazing it's gonna be and keep replaying that movie in your mind. Incredibly helpful.

Gosh, that was helpful from my TED Talk. Okay. Next, people when they haven't given a lot of speeches, the best thing you can do is put the reps in. Practice, practice, and practice. And some people will say, yeah, but this is my first or my second one. I don't have a lot of practice. Okay, we'll practice at home.

Practice in front of your family members. Video tape yourself. Play it back and watch it, right? There's so many ways you can practice. Higher a coach. I actually have friends of mine giving a speech and I just referred him to another coach. I said, listen, my mastermind's not going to help you get there because what you need is something for next week and we're kicking off in two weeks.

So wrong timing, go hire this lady. She'll meet with you over the next couple of days. She's going to put you on a stage You're going to speak in front of her and she's going to give you feedback and tell you some tips and tricks to elevate yourself So invest in yourself hire a coach Get someone to give you feedback that knows what they're talking about remember only take direction and feedback from someone who has been where you are going Don't take advice for someone at first speech when they haven't taken the big stages

and they haven't had standing ovation. Those aren't the people you want direction from, right? Just be really smart. Do your homework on people. Make sure you're getting direction from someone who's been where you wanna go. Okay, so you're doing to practice, you're visualizing, you're investing in yourself.

You're getting up on a stage in front of other people. Literally, if you have two days to do it, do it in the two days before you get there, no excuses, like put the reps in. The other thing I would say is, don't waste your time trying to memorize something. I write outlines for things and always know that of what you're teaching.

I'm not gonna get up and teach a class on accounting, I'm not gonna give a speech on chemistry. I don't know those things, I'm not an expert in those things. However, if I'm getting up to give a speech on innovation and business, building teams and leading teams, revenue generation and accelerating revenue, or how to develop confidence and resilience, or how to give great presentations,

I can do that without thinking, right? Because you have to know your material in and out. Speak on that which you are equipped to speak on. That's the most important thing. If you don't know what you're talking, if I had to give a speech on accounting, oh my gosh, it would be horrible. I'd have to memorize it

because I don't know anything about accounting. So speak on a topic that you have personal experience with. And also you want to relate and connect with your audience, right? So ahead of time, number one, think to yourself, what is the outcome that you want? What do you want people walking away from your speech, taking with them? I don't know what that answer is. You need to know, you need to survey people and find out in that audience. Know who your audience is, first and foremost. So once you know that, how do you want them to feel

at the end of your speech? And what do you want them walking away with? So I'll give you an example. Typically, a lot of the companies I speak for, they'll say, Heather, we want people, feeling inspired, motivated to go to that next level and achieve that next goal. But we also want them walking away with three tactical steps they can take now to implement change or elevate

themselves or advance themselves. Get specific. Those that deal in generalities, seldom succeed. Those that deal in specifics, seldom fail. So make sure you get into the specifics. Find out what those outcomes are that you want to bring to the table. And then when you're practicing your talk and doing your outline, include those elements. Right? So one of the keys is always start a talk with a personal story.

Because it's incredibly engaging, it's relatable, people want relatable, they want real, they want vulnerable. If you're talking about confidence and resilience, share a time that you failed, share a time you lost your confidence, something that can people can relate to. That's how you get their attention. That's how you draw them in. Then teach what you're going to teach them, whatever the three tactical steps are, or whatever is important for you to deliver in that talk. Then you you ultimately wanna wrap it up. I typically like to challenge the audience to do something, you know, bring it full circle, whatever it was that personal story you started out within the beginning.

At the end, you wanna wrap it up with, if you're talking about confidence resilience and your opening is that you're sharing a story where you had no confidence and you needed to build resilience because you were literally down in the dumps and lost your job or got dumped or whatever challenge you were facing.

At the end of your talk, you wanna wrap it back up with how leveraging these steps and tactics in your life was able to help you through those situations and then I would challenge the audience, give them some type of a specific challenge. So when they do walk away, they are motivated, inspired, and armed to go take those steps. That's the advice I would give.

I would say definitely dressing your power colors, so you feel your most confident. Write notes on the bottom of your shoes. Every time my son has a game, we write in the bottom of his shoes. Drew Chrysler, who strengthens me, I can do all things. And it's just this incredible layer of protection and elevation and he feels armed and ready going into the games. And I do the same thing when I'm speaking. I wrote right notes on the bottom of my shoes

or you can get my soul saying, always check out my links. You'll see they're incredible to put on your shoes. So positive messaging really works. I'm a big fan of sense. I always have lavender with me before I'm going on a stage. And then I think of three other times in my life, I was gonna take a stage or I felt afraid. And I did okay, I made it, right?

Like you wanna take that pressure off yourself. And right before you walk out, just say to yourself, if I go out there and impact one person, I've done my job today. Right, lower the pressure on you, step out on that stage and have fun and make it about the audience, not about you. The more you make it about the audience,

the more you engage the audience, the more you make it about them, the more success you're gonna have. And then let it all go, turn it over to God and ask for him to speak through. That's what I would do. the more success you're gonna have. And then let it all go, turn it over to God and ask for him to speak through you. That's what I would do. Okay, so best of luck and put the work in.

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because not only have the past two days have I been bombarded with these two people in my life who I love going through a tough time and I'm grateful that I get to be there for them and so thankful for that. It's funny, people oftentimes think, oh, I don't want to burden others with my problem. When you're the person people go to when they need comfort and help, it makes you feel so special.

And I'm so grateful that they chose me to confide in. I'm so grateful that they thought of me when they had hard times and they gave me that gift of letting me be there for them, right? So don't deny that from other people. It's really important to know most people, as long as they're good people, they're gonna feel really blessed and grateful they get to help you. Because that's what life's all about helping others.

So I'm grateful, they chose me, I'm grateful that they gave me that opportunity to be there for them. And now I'm grateful that they're letting me share this message with you. But what's interesting is so not only did I have two people in my life in the past two days with similar situations, but then today I went to church

and wasn't the message at church. Today our pastor Rich was talking about grief and loss and the story of Lazarus and the Bible and how important it is for us to realize when we are suffering, when we have lost something and you got, he got into whether you literally lose a loved one, they pass away, or maybe it's a breakup, or maybe it's an argument, or a betrayal, or there's so many different types of grief and loss

that we can face, all painful, everyone experiences them, and then he walked us through the story of Lazarus and how in the Bible Jesus didn't handle the situation with Lazarus the way that others wanted him to. Right, they were calling on him to step in and save him because they kept saying he was gonna die and Jesus needed to come now and save him and heal him. And Jesus did not handle it that way and how others were upset by that. Jesus needed to come now and save him and heal him. And Jesus did not handle it that way and how others were upset by that.

But the beautiful part of this story is that, yes, God might not always handle things in the way that you think they should be handled. But when you let go and let God and trust in him and let go of control. You don't have that whole picture. Only God can see everything. We can't, we don't have that visibility.

We don't have that knowledge that God's actually working in our favor. And when we trust that, it truly unfolds for us every single time. It's God's plan, you know, this acceptance and knowing and trusting that it's all working out in our best interests. It's such a beautiful thing. I get it that in moments it is so hard to grasp.

Right now it's easy for me because I'm watching it happen and unfolding in other people's lives, but when it's in your own life, obviously it's much harder. So I have a lot of empathy for anyone going through it right now. I'm not saying it's always easy, but it is always right. In the story of Lazarus, Jesus was being called on to come heal Lazarus. Jesus did not do that. He delayed. And in the delay, which we've all been in the delay moment, right? Whether it's you're in a such a relationship that's not working

and you feel like everything's being delayed and you don't know why you don't understand You can't connect those dots looking forward you're only going to be able to connect them looking back And I know my own life. I look back. Oh my gosh If I had let go and let God so much earlier and so many different situations I would have saved myself so much pain in anguish So please try to let go and be accepting and trusting that there's a bigger plan out there and it's working for you not against you So with Lazarus Jesus shows up Lazarus has been buried for four days and back then they believed that after three days the spirit had officially left the body and

The gift Jesus gave them was when he resurrected Lazarus on that fourth day, he was able to teach all of them that his spirit was within him. And it was this incredible, massive miracle that no one had expected. And for the glory of God, Jesus was able to create for them this incredible resurrection and gift and all of this joy and miracle, blessing and miracle. And it's just so interesting.

It didn't happen the way anyone thought it should. It happened in such a bigger and better way because of the glory of God. So we can't dictate the way that it should be. And the delay may be working for us and is working for us because it's part of God. So we can't dictate the way that it should be. And the delay may be working for us, and is working for us because it's part of God's plan. So when we let go and let God, when we trust in God, when we trust in something so much larger and more powerful in ourselves, and hand it over, then we know the best is yet to come. And that is the message, gosh, I hope that these two special people in my life have got from me over the last couple of days. But I will tell you the other things

other than, you know, prayer, gosh, prayer is so powerful other than turning to prayer other than going to church and listening to the message from the Bible and to your pastor and again, go online, check out Vue Church. if you don't have a church it's incredible But you know other than that there are so many things you can do in your own life and again it goes back to who are the people in your inner circle that you're tapping right you can't Change the people in your life, but you can change the people that you choose to be around so choose good supportive people who have a good message Who are loving and kind Who forgive themselves and forgive you and who love you, right?

Turn to those people in difficult moments that will be in ear for you and will advise you in a positive, loving way. And sometimes that's with tough advice. I was talking to one of these people over the last two days and I said, listen, I've got to give you some hard news right now. Stop making it about what this other person did to you and start making it about how you can forgive them, how you can forgive yourself, and how you can show up moving forward.

Those are the things you can control. And while it might not be easy, it's going to be so much better. And when you put that focus on you, you stop being a victim. And when you stop being a victim, you take your power back. And when you take your power back, all things are possible. And truly forgiveness is such a powerful element. You think that you're making the other person suffer by being angry at them and blaming them, but you're holding yourself a prisoner.

And that is no way to live. Forgive yourself, forgive them and let go. And the more you can step into that acceptance and the sooner you can do it, the better your life is gonna get. Breathing is another powerful element. I was one of the people in my life, I was sharing count to four, four breaths in, count to four, exhale with four breaths, and

slow your breathing down when you're in these moments of panic and anger and upset and shock and grief. You know, the more you can regulate your breathing, the more your mind and heart will regulate, and the more you can start saying, okay, this is temporary. How I feel right now will change. It will pass. There have been other challenging moments. It's not going to stay like this. Even just after 24 hours, after a good night's sleep, things will seem so much better. After a run for me, things will seem so much better. After spending time with my son and listening to him, talk to me about turning to God and handing my anxiety, my fears, my heartbreak to God, how that will help and give you peace.

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Learn more at amazon.com slash Prime Day. My pastor mentioned today the five stages of grief, and I was just reading this article on five stages of grief and a divorce, right reading this article on five stages of grief and a divorce. Right? Because grief can be loss of any kind, but I think we can all relate to this, right? The first one is denial. Okay, it says, you might think that your divorce won't happen, but this could drag your process out longer and longer. Right? The faster you can process these stages and move through them, the better for you. Okay, the second stage, anger.

The anger stage is usually when people call a divorce attorney because suddenly it seems they want to be right. They want to fight and they want to win. Right? So, and again, this is a process. It doesn't stay in anger. It's going to move through anger and then it goes to bargaining. You may feel like you would do anything to make the pain go away,

but you should not lose touch with what is really important to you. You're happiness, right? Focus on you. Focus on caring for yourself and the things that can make you happy. Okay, next is depression. Many people go through these stages. Some people get really stuck in the stage. You may feel lonely, may feel sad, facing depression.

Don't do it alone. Especially if it truly is depression, you need a professional's help, a doctor's help, for sure. And then finally acceptance, right? This is when you realize that the divorce is your new normal, but it's gonna open a new door to a new world for you. It's the beginning of something new, and your best is yet to come, right? So the sooner you can come to a place of acceptance

and realize you can't control that other person, you can't choose for the sooner you can come to a place of acceptance and realize you can't control that other person, you can't choose for them, you can't force them to do things a certain way or say the things you want them to say, but you can be accepting of their choices and you can be in charge of yours. And the sooner you can come to that place of acceptance, the more peace you'll have, the more serenity you'll have, the more happiness and joy you'll have, and the more you can create that future life, which does have the best ahead for you, which is, you know, the beginning of your new norm with whatever grief you are working through. Loss of a job, loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, betrayal.

They're all hard in the moment, but they're all temporary. And you've lived through grief before and you can live through it again. Surround yourself with great people that care for you, are uplifting for you, that love you, that encourage you, and support you, and focus on all the good that you already have, knowing that your best is yet to come. Okay, and as I mentioned, if you have not checked out my mastermind yet, go to the show notes below. This is one year working with me live.

This is the only shot to make it happen. I promise you, if you're wanting to get to the next level, elevate your brand, push yourself to the big stages, and take that next step. It's time to the next level. Elevate your brand, push yourself to the big stages, and take that next step. It's time to invest in yourself. It's time to go big. This is the opportunity, and I can't wait for you to apply. I can't wait to see if you're the right fit

because this crew is like none other, and I'm so grateful to be a part of it. I'm so inspired by it already, and I just want you to remember, your best is yet to come. Keep creating your confidence. Keep stepping out of those stages. Keep taking the risk. Open your heart and praise God.

I can tell you this. That's what I'm doing. I'm so grateful for it all. I turn it over to Jesus, knowing that delay is actually working for me and it's all part of God's plan. Praying for you today and every day until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will happen.

No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You can miss it. I'm on this journey with me. I hope you're enjoying this episode so far. I'm Jennifer Cohen, host the top ranking business and entrepreneur podcast, Habits and Hustle. Apart the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-, habits and hustle, apart the YAP media network,

the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. So, most people live the life they get and not the life they want. And I'm here to change all that. My goal with each episode is to give you the habits and hustle tips you need to show up to your life better, bigger, and bolder.

Tune in now, and I'll not only help you answer the questions, like, what do you want most in life, and why don't you have it, but we'll also help you make it a reality. I also pick the brains of top thought leaders on how they've gone to the top, and the advice they have to help you get there too. Head over to Habits and Hustle,

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