Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Using Adversity To Push Forward with Coach Katie Sowers Episode 18

Episode Date: September 3, 2019

Heather shares her experience fleeing the hurricane (on top of everything else!) before she sits down with the offensive assistant coach for the San Francisco 49ers to talk about growing up with football before making her way to the NFL, learning how to handle your online haters and reflecting on the significance of being the first openly LGBT coach in the league's history. And thank you to today's sponsors:  Lola = For 40% off all subscriptions, visit MyLola.com and enter CONFIDENCE40 when you subscribe NetSuite = Download your free guide at NetSuite.com/Monahan  Pluto TV = Cut the cable cord and download PlutoTV on your streaming devices Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this link and when you DM me the screenshot, I'll buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  My book Confidence Creator is available now! If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! DM your questions for the show  DM your questions for the show Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. After no sleep, I'm on this journey with me. Hi and welcome back to creating confidence. I appreciate you joining me so much so today. So to give you some behind the scenes today in real world is actually Friday, just a couple days before you're actually going to hear this show. I'm recording it today because there is a category for hurricane headed towards Florida, which is where I live, and it is this really surreal time. So so interesting with weather and challenges in different parts of the country. Other people have no idea. Apparently media is not covering this very much in different parts of the country. Other people have no idea. Apparently media is not covering this very much in different parts of the country. As you know I'm heading the Boston, I'm speaking at

hyper growth on Tuesday, so my flight was scheduled for Monday, Monday morning, and actually three days ago, I started seeing the alerts of this weather system developing and I've been through hurricanes before. I actually write about Irma in my book and one thing I know is this I don't like saying through hurricanes. It for me I'm so scared. My car windows have been blown out. My balcony glass was blown out one incident. You know, there's been so much destruction with hurricanes. And you just never know how severe it's going to be. Or sometimes it's not severe and, you know, it's crazy. It's averted.

But for me, I've just decided ever since I moved to Florida, no more. I'm not staying. So three days ago, I reached out to my ex-husband and I said, Hey, it looks like this thing's progressing possibly coming to Florida. I'm going to go ahead and book flights now. I just want to make sure it's okay that I take Dylan and book a flight for him. And he said, No, I have Dylan because you were planning to go to Boston to speak. So, you know, don't worry. I think you're overreacting. It's gonna be fine. And in many situations, I would agree,

I am definitely the one to overreact and go ahead and just, you know, buy plane tickets and take off because I would rather put myself at a harm's way and my son. And so I said, okay, you know, it is his dates that he had my son and that is his decision. And of course, I know his dad will keep him safe.

Okay. So I bought myself a plane ticket for Saturday. I bought myself a plane ticket for Sunday because I didn't want to leave Dylan until the last minute possible. And I had that flight for Monday. Well, fast forward a couple of days. And yesterday it was clear this thing was hitting Florida.

And I went to buy Dylan a plane ticket without asking just to have the ticket And I couldn't get one for Saturday So I bought him one for Sunday and I figured I'll play it by ear and we'll figure out what happens We'll overnight this thing has gotten so much more severe and my ex has been called this morning and said You know, I made a mistake. I need to get my kids out of here He has two other kids and he's remarried. And he said, and obviously Dylan's coming with us. I'm either renting a car and driving to the other side of the state or there's no flight

slept. Every flight out to get out of Florida is gone and has been now for the past 24 hours. And he said, I'm calling in favors, trying to find someone who has a private plane that I could use. So this poor guy who's panicking, I'm pan in favors trying to find someone who has a private plane that I could use. So this poor guy was panicking. I'm panicking because now I don't want to leave without my son. And good news is you got a phone call. And one of his clients is letting him use his private plane.

And my son, thankfully, is getting out with his father first thing tomorrow morning. So I'm going to head out tomorrow at noon on a flight to Boston. So it's crazy. I'm gonna head out tomorrow at noon on a flight to Boston. So it's crazy. You just never know what lays ahead of you and putting yourself first, taking action and moving quickly will always be that right answer. There are so many people today that want to leave

and they don't know how to get out of here because driving out of here is gonna be very difficult when you don't know where the hurricane is actually going to hit. So I just liken this back to, I'd rather be safe than sorry, I'd rather spend a couple hundred extra dollars on a plane ticket I might not use. I can always find a way to make more money, but just that piece of mine, I just can't wait to wear my sons out of the state and I'm out of the state and praying for everyone who's left behind. And also it's a it's a surreal experience when you have to pack up your house and take all your most significant belongings and it's one of those moments that you think, my gosh, I complain all the time about

my condo, but I live on the water in the most beautiful place. And I started crying today just thinking, gosh, what if all the windows are blown out and everything here is ruined and what you took for granted is gone. And it's just one of those reflection moments that I want to share with everyone no matter what it is that you struggle with, get annoyed with, also see the beauty and what you can be grateful for. Today I'm thinking about all the amazing pictures of my son and all the memories here, and it's just, it's surreal to imagine

how quickly life can be changed when destruction hits. And I was also reminded by that today when a good friend of mine who I hadn't heard from in a while sent me a text saying, I'm sorry, I haven't been around. One of my dear friends died unexpectedly, and I've really, you know really been in a bad spot. And it's just life can change in an instant. So being grateful for the people in your life

that you love spending time with them, doing the things that you love, that's what matters. I'm really reflecting so much today about if everything is gone after this weekend, what is it that I want to do? What would I do? I make sure I have my son. I would make sure I would be with my friends and the people that support me and care about

me and I would take action and figure out a plan and I would trust my intuition. I would believe in myself. I would ask for help if I needed it. All these things that I've learned in the past few years and I'll be okay. And I feel really solid in that sense of self and sense of who I am and the wonderful people I have in my life. Now, as you also know, so with all this going on, this is so chaotic and crazy. It's just insane, but so I'm going to Boston. Ultimately, I was going to interview Jesse Itzler

and his wife Sarah Blakely and Jen Rubio from away. So all this is happening. And up until the past few days, I had been getting a little nervous. I've been on so many calls with Sarah Blakely's team and you know, they're very precise in how they do things. This is not their first rodeo, obviously.

And so this is different for me because usually when I interview people, they either just show up or, you know, you might get a note from their PR team, but this has been really intense and a lot of calls and meetings and back and forth. So I'm learning as I go. I'm definitely in a new space

with this and really hopeful that things go amazing. I keep running through how it's going to be amazing in my mind and forcing it as a fantastic event. And now there's just some changes and glitches happening because of this hurricane. However, I'm grateful I'm gonna be able to get there and be safe. I'm grateful my son will be safe. So, as I always do, I really immerse myself in Sarah Blakely's life by watching every interview I can on YouTube, in print, on podcasts so that I feel comfortable like I almost know her when I meet her.

And I really try to do my homework on people. I did the same with Jen Rubio. Obviously, Jessie, it's Laura, you've listened to the episode with him. I already know him, so I feel really comfortable around him and his story. So going into this week is going to be really exciting, but I definitely have shifted my thoughts. You know, I was consumed with, what am I going to wear? And what will she wear? And today I'm just throwing my things am I going to wear? And what will she wear? And today I'm just throwing my things in a bag to get out of here. So things changed pretty quickly. And I've got great friends.

I'm going to stay with them Boston. So that part I'm really grateful for looking forward to. And one of my really great friends, Scott McRugger, who's the guy that really put this whole opportunity together for me. He's coming with his wife, and I'm going to be able to get together with them in Boston. I haven't seen them in months. And so there's a lot of great things happening along

with some challenging things. And I'm trying to focus on those things that I'm really excited about and grateful for. And in some ways, it's sort of taking the edge off the pressure that I was putting on myself that this event has to go so well and you know, I'm realizing that while I'm on that stage, the state of Florida is gonna be going through a hurricane and I'm just so grateful that I'm not gonna be sitting inside of a home praying my windows don't smash in. So just perspective shift is huge and really trying to put this to work for the better and learn from from this whole situation. And I'm really excited to be going there. And if you're coming as a hyper growth Boston, I'm so excited to see

you. It's going to be an amazing, amazing event. So really looking forward to this week, even with all the chaos going on and I'm praying for Florida and everyone in this state and what they're facing and hoping for the best and hoping things are not nearly as bad as what they're telling us it looks like it could be right now. So with that being said, I mean, that's talk about buzzkill. Oh my gosh, I got to turn this around for you, hoping that you have other things that you can focus on that you can be grateful for, that you can create that vision for your future and what you're looking forward to. I'm really trying to lock into that, trying to immerse myself in this work and this vision that I have for the week ahead.

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Show up every day with Coca-Cola energy. Energy you want? Taste you love. Taste you love. I am welcome back. I am blown away by my next guest and you will be too for various reasons. Katie Sowers is in her fourth season in the NFL and first as an offensive assistant with the 49ers after spending the 17 season with the team as a seasonal offensive assistant. She originally joined San Fran in June of 17 as part of the 49ers 2017 Bill Walsh Minority Fellowship where she worked with the team's wide receivers.

In 2016, Sauer spent the off-season training camp and the same capacity with the Atlanta Falcons. With the Falcons, she worked closely with Atlanta assistant head coach, wide receivers, coach Raheem Morris in organizing, conducting and concluding practice drills. with the Falcons. With the Falcons, she worked closely with Atlanta assistant head coach, wide receivers, coach Rahim Morris, in organizing, conducting, and concluding practice drills.

Following her time on a field as a coach, she spent nine months as a scouting intern with the Falcons, Mike dropped the only female coach in the freaking NFL.

Thank you for the care. There's two, but you're the only active one. Correct. Oh no, no, actually that's wrong now too. All right, tape a bay. Tape a bay just. Just happen. Per serians.

Two. Two. Two. Well, you have a strength conditioning coach, and then a defense, an assistant defensive line coach. Wow. So that was huge. This is huge, huge.

This is unbelievable. So can you please give all of us some background on who you are, where you came from, and how you reach this amazing level of success? Yeah, so I grew up in a town with two stoplights, you know, big city girl I like to claim to be not. But, I grew up in the middle of Kansas and just have always loved sports. My twin sister and I would, we would play football just like any other young girl growing up would want to do, go into the backyard and put pads on and just hit each other as hard as we can.

You both wanted to do that? Absolutely. Well, my dad was a college basketball coach so we were around sports from an early age and they were both in, both my parents were in the teaching profession. So I was kind of new, it was a path for me coaching and teaching. And always new football was the number one love of my life from day one, but never thought a girl could play. So kind of had a journey.

Let me jump in and ask you a question on that, because I was a tomboy as a young girl and played sports. But oftentimes when I was a kid, and I had my hair real short, and I was so into sports, but oftentimes when I was a kid and I had my hair real short and you know I was so into sports probably similar to you and not to that level. But people would say to me, have are you dressed wrong, you shouldn't wear your hair like that or they'd already critique me when I was a little kid. Oh yeah, I mean I was lucky to have parents that love me just the way that I was. My twin sister was the same way. And I remember when we were young,

my aunt actually made purses for us. And we were like, purses are for girls. And we threw them down. We didn't want anything to do with that. And it was just, you know, we loved what we loved. And we never questioned it. My parents never questioned it. It was just who we were.

That is the foundation in my opinion for real authentic confidence is when you're surrounded by people that elevate you and embrace you for you, no matter what that you looks like or what anyone else says, that's where you start to grow massive confidence. Absolutely. I mean, if you think about it,

if you think about somebody shooting a free throw and you hand them a basketball, everyone around them is like, it's okay if you miss, they are going to feel a lot more confident to shoot that ball than if you hand them a ball and you say, if you miss this and this is going to happen, this is what's wrong, you know, with the world. And when you think of it that way, a support system only adds confidence. And when you when you can have that support system that loves you unconditionally, that's what it's all about.

But that's the thing. So many people have a support system that isn't loving unconditionally or don't know they're aware of it, but they're putting their limiting beliefs on you and thank goodness that didn't happen for you. I mean, does McDonald still have happy meals where you asking if it's a boy or a girl? I don't know. Because I mean, if you think about that, that one question, they think they can define your child's happiness by their gender. And that's profound.

I had never even thought of that. But from such a young age, no matter where you go, you're already being dropped in one bucket. Yeah. And actually, my, and so many people just think that that's natural. That's just the way it is. But actually my niece, when she was three years old, I didn't know that we were rate, I say we were raising her.

Because pretty much my twin sister and I don't have kids, but my older sister has three, so they're all kind of our kids. So we help raise them. But all she saw growing up was my twin sister and I playing football. Never thought a thing of it. And one day we were driving by this football field and we looked over and there were these little boys

playing football and we said something to Clara about the little boys playing football. And she looked at us and she said, boys don't play football. And we had to stop and we were like, oh my gosh. But this is, you know, this is a girl that doesn't like football. She loves ballet, she loves everything that would be stereotypical girl.

But she believed that football was a girl's game because that's all she saw. And so we don't know the things that we are putting into our kids' heads every single day. From day one. It's so true. And just being conscious of that, we can help to be a little bit more open-minded on purpose.

Absolutely. And that's important. I need to think about that myself, raising a 12-year-old boy. He actually said to me one day, Katie, you'll think this is funny. He said, Mom, why is it that you always want to champion girls, but not boys?

Does that mean girls are better than boys? Because that's what he's being exposed to. And then I had that mic drop moment. No, honey, not at all. We're all equal. However, girls haven't been told they're equal for so long that we need to have that conversation. Right. And sometimes the little boys that are looking up to, you know, women in my position as a coach, we're actually changing their lives sometimes more than we even think about because they're looking up and it's normal for a girl to teach a boy. It's normal for a woman to lead men. And they're seeing that as young boys and I think that's crucial.

It's crucial in creating long-lasting change and cultural change, which is what I think we're all after. Yes. Okay, so you're a young girl growing up thinking it's totally normal to play football and to knock your sister around. What happens next? So, I still remember the day that I was out playing football with the boys. This was probably late middle school, maybe sixth, seventh grade, and getting hit by one of the boys. And, you know, for so long, I had dominated these

games. I mean, literally, I'm not even being biased, I'd dominate it. I had this form of tackling where I'd grab their shirt, spin them around, throw them down. I mean, we had some boys that wanted to be roughs after games, just to save face, you know what I mean. So, it was a hardcore game, but I still remember the day when I got hit by one of the boys and It clicked in my mind that these guys are just bigger than me stronger than me and I didn't really think a thing of it And I realized that I had to find another sport and

You were reaching an age. They were just like outweighing us out taller than us and stronger than you that you could actually get really hurt. Yeah and girls didn't have, I mean they still don't have a platform you know within high school, Utah is making some gains of having an all girls' taco football league, but you know in terms of growing up at the foundation there's no opportunity to have a separate game. It's always the only option is playing with the boys and that wasn't an option for me. And so I found basketball, I played tons of different sports throughout high school and college, but basketball was kind of my main sport. And so during all this time, what are you thinking as a young person? Because I know we all think, what am I going to grow up in V and where do I see this going? What were you thinking back then?

I always knew I wanted to be a coach. That was, I remember, I mean, my dad was a collegiate basketball coach. He never had an opportunity to play football. I'm sure he would have been great if he did because I'm biased, but, and I think he's a stud. So, but yeah, I mean, I never, I never knew knew that football would be for me because I just never saw anyone do it before. I never saw a woman play. I never, it was, you know, it wasn't until I saw, I found a tackle football league after college, started playing, and then I saw Becky Hammond coaching in the NBA.

And that is when it clicked. And This was before any females were ever interns, and I was coaching eighth grade football at the time, and I remember posting a picture on my Instagram that said NFL I'm coming for you. It was me standing on the sidelines coaching my little eighth grade football team. But literally in my mind, I knew it was going to happen. It was such a weird feeling because people that I would I would joke around with like yeah, you're gonna see me in the NFL and they'd laugh thinking I was kidding And I was totally serious So do you call that manifesting or do you just call that owning your truth and putting it out to the world?

I I totally believe that when you have a mindset where you can see your path and you believe that it can happen You'll find you'll see your path and you believe that it can happen, you'll find, you'll see the opportunities that open the doors. I don't think opportunities just happen by luck. I think oftentimes we just miss opportunities because we're so stuck on what we can't do. And our heads down just looking at a grind that every day grind, instead of seeing the potential. What was that opportunity for you that you saw?

It was actually mistakes in scheduling. It was being turned down from a job. It was some of those things that actually catapulted me forward. And a lot of those things that many would call failures or rejection, or I see that as part of my path, part of my story. And I see that as part of my path, part of my story. And I see that as a common theme, and people who find success, is when they don't see things as obstacles, or things that hurt them, they see them as just part of your story, part of your path.

Did you see it that way at the time or you just reflecting on it? You know, it was it was one of those things that not right away. When I was in college, I wanted to start my coaching career. I was You know, I'm gonna see if I could be a volunteer coach for my basketball team. I was in my victory lap as what I like to call it my fifth year and you know, it was a school where even professors at that time, they couldn't be out and gay or they would be fired. And so, 2009, 2008. So only 10 years ago. Yeah.

And it just recently, a few years ago, changed. But, you know, I wanted, I was doing a victory lap. I was done with my eligibility playing basketball and I thought, I've been a captain all these years, why would there be any issue with me being a volunteer? I was brought into the office and I was told because of my sexuality, because of my lifestyle, they didn't want me around the team anymore. They had a perspective, parents that were worried that their daughter might, I guess, catch the gay maybe, or something. Yeah, it's contagious or something.

Literally, though, people believe that. And so, I felt like that was kind of a point where I thought I had it figured out, but I really didn't. And that's why I'm a strong believer and sometimes a door won't open, but it just might not be your door. But in that moment, were you devastated, you go home and lock yourself in a room crying? I, you know, right after I called my mom

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I'm, it doesn't sound fair, right? It's not, this is who I'm just living my life and you're telling me that that's not gonna work for you so just keep moving, that feels not fair. But if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have found women's taco football. It was that moment that I had to find something else and that's when I went online and found a team that was about an hour and 15 minutes away from me. So I started playing for the West Michigan Mayhem and fell in love with football all over

again and you know maybe it's you know due to my rejection I see it as that because I feel like that's what catapult's me forward. You use the adversity to push you forward and motivate instead of allowing to deter you. Yeah, I don't see any reason why I should feel sorry for myself. I have no hard feelings. I truly believe hate and judgment will not cure ignorance. And when we try to fight ignorance with hate and judgment, we're just doing exactly what we don't want to do. I truly believe the best way of getting the word out there is just being forgiving, trying to seek first to understand where they're coming from. And that's what's going to change people at the foundation.

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guide. Seven key strategies to grow your profits. It's that's nextweek.com slash monahan to download your free guide, seven key strategies to grow your profits. NetSuite.com slash monahan. Know your numbers. I can only imagine giving your high profile and your uniqueness and the newness of this for the world or whatever you're going to call it or label it. You've got to have haters coming for you. Oh yeah, when I first started I made the mistake of going online and looking the, when I was in intern with the Falcons, they posted a picture of me with one of the guys.

And I made the mistake of reading the comments as we all know, social media can be very nasty. It's horrible. Go Taylor Swift for that new song that she just came out with, which is great, but shout out Taylor. But I saw a bunch of things, like go back to the kitchen. How can you coach when you've never played? And I was like, first of all,

go back and do your research because I have played. And that was the problem, is that I was going and reading all these things that made this group of people that was actually not, I had probably nine out of 10 people that would support me, but it felt like the whole world was against me

when I was reading those comments. And what I made the deliberate decision to do was just not listen to it at all because good bad indifferent whatever. If you're on a high because of the good comments, you're going to be on a low because of the bad ones. And so I've stopped reading everything all together. That's a Gary Vism that he taught me when he was on the show is that if we're going to allow for the excitement from the positive and you're just telling yourself that you're going to let in that negative and it's going to crush you. I love positive feedback.

That's just who I am as a person. And so it's so hard to learn. It makes sense though that if you're willing to allow yourself to go up here due to an outside force, you're going to be allowing yourself to go down to. And it's taking practice to try to say I'm not going to let this affect me positively or negatively. It's tough. And I think I have probably a little bit easier of an exit than you do. I mean, this is everything that you do is out there. I coach on a football field and that's what I can, you know, just bury my head in is my work there.

I can't believe you see it like that because to me, I see you're on one of these largest platforms in the, you're like out there for the entire world to see because you're on this NFL ticket. I mean, that is the game, the show. But that's the real world and separate from what we perceive as the world on social media, right? and I've kind of shut that part out. So when you look at your entire life and your career and you think back, when was the moment that you're,

right now from what you're telling me, I don't hear a lot of issues with your confidence because you had such a solid foundation. But there's gotta be some time during this whole journey that you did feel your least confident. When is that? Oh, I would say, so I'm a twin, I'm a twin, identical. And if anyone is a twin, they know that you spend your whole life being compared.

Especially identical twins, it's, oh, she has a bigger nose. Oh, she's a little taller. Oh, she's better at basketball. She's so annoying. And that's siblings in general, but it's amplified. And so I spent actually my whole high school career in my twin sister shadow. She you know, when we when we got to high school and we were freshmen, she was playing varsity and I wasn't. And she ended up popping up to varsity in volleyball. And I

didn't and the one thing I had was a javelin. I was better than her in the javelin and sure enough we both made it state somehow. She never practiced this twin sister of mine that stole obviously all the athletic ability and the one thing I had, you know, she decides to beat me and in state, senior year, it was, she actually cried, I cried. This is like my parents cried. Yeah, because we knew the impact that it had. And you really were feeling low in that moment. I was, but at the same time, I think that's what also helped me in a way to build confidence confidence as I felt the lack of confidence. Because as I went through that,

it really made me search within myself to see what it is that, what is it that builds confidence? What is it that I'm good at? That, that, you know, I don't need to compare myself to my twin sister to feel good about myself. And it took me a while,

and it just, I guess, took time, took maturity. It took a lot of time just looking back at my life and kind of seeing what's really important. And that, in a way, even though it was my least confident time, I think it built my confidence. That's so interesting. And I totally agree with you, those low moments and those hits. Mentally, when you take them, allow you to say, okay, I'm at round zero right now. How can I bring myself back? And what I've learned is I don't want to come back here. So what, how can I behave differently? I actually, I've probably already shared this with everyone listening, but I used to compare myself to plenty of different women and, you know, whether it be an author or a podcast host or whatever and I'll

never forget I went on this woman's show Alina Cardone. She's very high profile in South Florida and when I got home I was googling her because that's my routine. I want to compare myself and how does their site look better than mine and you know are they skinnier than me in the pictures or whatever craziness I'm going through in that minute and And I saw, this is the first time, this is very recent. And I saw, this one's charging $50,000 a speech. And instead of getting so pissed off that I'm not, I said, I'm raising my rates right now. I'm gonna use this woman as inspiration to me, what's possible.

And that's my new thing is that when I look at someone and I say, oh, they're making more money than me or they have that or this or not. And I don't, instead now I'm saying, all right, hang on a minute, I'm going to flip that to, here's what the potential is for me. Absolutely. It's exciting and you're doing that.

I can't even imagine how many flipping women you're doing that for. Well, that reminds me of, I'm not a nature scientist or whatever you want to call it. So, you know, people can hate on me if this is wrong. But from what I've heard, someone told me that in the forest, trees grow taller to fight for sunlight. So the taller trees that are around them, it just makes the other ones grow taller.

And that's kind of what you are alluding to. And I'm going to now continue just to make each other better. If we choose to do it that way, if we choose to and not compete against each other, and which I feel like I see a lot of in terms of women trying to get, because it's almost like, oh, well, they already have a woman on staff. There's no more room for anyone else. Because, and I'll tell you, it's the same way in corporate America, because I was at

the C-suite level of corporate America and there was two women on the executive team, and 10 men, and it felt like someone had to get squeezed out. I mean, this cat over here was the one that got squeezed out, but I'll tell you, it does feel like we've already got the token woman, or there's, and then honestly, most of the time, it's the other woman that doesn't want you there. Yeah, and that's why I'm a,

I'll get a lot of questions. Katie, are you going to be the first head coach in the NFL? That's a female. And my response is I'd love to be a head coach in the NFL. If I'm the first, okay, if if I strive to be the first, then I'm saying wait for me. Don't hire any other woman. Wait for me. And I'm competing. I'm all of a sudden competing against everyone else. If I'm not the first, I'm happy because that means that there was progress made. That's such a great perspective instead of plotting those people on and saying instead of saying, no, hang on, I actually want that title. Listen, you're already making all the right lists that are out there. You don't need that title

as far as I'm concerned. You know, I'm so jealous about that. So, all right. So, along the street, how did you actually break into the NFL for the first time? And what was that leap like? Yeah. So, like I said before, in terms of I see mistakes, I see things that don't typically happen as opportunities for me. So, I was coaching football, I was playing football, I was also getting involved in coaching sixth grade. What I thought was going to be sixth grade girls basketball at this school. I just needed some extra money. And it was all set up. I was I was set to coach the sixth grade team and they called me and they said there was a mix up and scheduling. We're so sorry we set you up with the fifth graders by accident. Is that okay? And I said that's fine. And what happened was a girl in my team,

her father was Scott Peole who was a former General Manager for the Kansas City Chiefs, then he was in between jobs but gonna be the assistant General Manager for the Falcons, which is he became a good friend, a good mentor, and he has a passion for really getting diversity in the NFL and he saw what he felt like I had to offer and he became just that go-to person in terms of getting to know the culture of the NFL and getting the experience in the game and ultimately going to Atlanta.

That's amazing because and I talk a lot about this all just in general. Without mentors, without mentors, without those people to help us guide and navigate, they know where the landmines are. We don't, we haven't been down that road yet. They see them plain as day and they can help direct us and they can think bigger than us when we aren't necessarily thinking

from their perspective yet. Yeah, absolutely. I would say you don't know what you don't know. And I love that saying because you don't know what to look for when you Don't know what to look I mean it sounds silly. You don't know what to look for when you when you don't know what to look for of course and That that's something that's so critical because then when you get to know The the culture and you look back here like that seemed so obvious, but when you don't know it It's not obvious.

And to have somebody as a mentor, especially someone who is different than you, like for me, this was a white male that was my mentor. Having someone that almost, it doesn't seem like they're affected by the issues, even though we all are affected. But when you have that mentor that just sees things from a different perspective, it makes it even more powerful. That's why I always say, men need to support women. Why people need to support black people, straight people need to support gay people. It's a mix of everybody just supporting everybody and becoming passionate about things

more than just what affect us. It's so true. I can't agree with you more. So he really was the vehicle that allowed you to see that opportunity to move to the NFL and helps you to connect those dots. When you start the first day in the NFL, were you freaking out so scared? No, not at all. I believe you, that's so crazy. Yeah, I wasn't and I get asked that a lot and to be honest, to me it was just another day. I did question, how are these guys going to react to me? Of course.

And what I found from my very first interaction was so much love and welcoming from these guys that at the end of the day, they're true professionals. They know at any time their job could be replaced. And you know, it's interesting because I always get asked, do these guys listen to you? Do they respect you? And it's become a normal question. But then one day I was in Kansas City watching ballet at the professional ballet center and the director was a man. And what would typically be what we consider more female dominated, even though there are a lot of men involved. And I thought to myself, how odd would it be to go up to him and ask, do the women respect you being a man in this field? We would never think that. We would never think to ask that.

But we're so ready to ask if the men respect me. But you answer it every single time, because it's expected. But it just shows the culture and the mindset that still needs to change. It's huge. But to me, again, I just can relate from the business standpoint, I did have people coming up as a woman in leadership that tried

to really hit me hard publicly to test you, to see how you're gonna respond and to really put you on the ropes. And I don't wanna say it's intimidating because I knew to expect it. I had already seen it with other women and saw why other women weren't succeeding or getting that next promotion. And I saw, or at least I was clear in my mind, I had to be really tough as nails to let

people know they couldn't get close to me and that I'm not going to cry. Or, you know, whatever these crazy stereotypes are, even to the point where I went over the top the other way where I was ice man. There was no fun personality because I didn't want people to get close to me I was scared of that. Did you ever have one of those moments? I've always kind of gone against what's typical so I've never felt the need to balance anything out but I have felt and it's nothing that anyone has done specifically, but this whole

mindset that as a woman you have to prove that you know something and you know but as a man it's assumed that you know. It's so true. I'm telling you prove that you don't and it's it's not something that I think people even know that they're doing but right when I walk in the door if a man with my same title walked in it would already be assumed that he knows but for me As a woman it's assumed that I don't because you know what's considered a man's game So that never intimidated you no That is just it's unbelievable. I completely applaud that you're able to do that

What about then you're moving forward now, you're with Atlanta, and you decide, is that the point we decide to come out publicly? No, so I had been out, and when that whole thing happened where it kind of blew up as the first ever out coached in the NFL, I never knew it would actually come out like that. I was doing an article and they asked if it was okay that they mentioned the night girlfriend, I said that was fine. And then boom, next day, first open coach in the NFL, it was pretty crazy. But I almost said it was, you know, now I never have to tell anyone I'm gay anymore.

Because it's like, you know, I already thought I was there, but then, you know, here I am again, coming out again. But it was interesting how that happened because that was just me being me. I've been, I've been me for, been out, I guess I should say, for, sense college, you know, and that was just me answering a question

and that's what it turned into. Completely, and it's only not thinking there was no strategic motivation. Yeah. What about your team and the teammates or people saying, hey, we're here with you, like we got you on this? Yeah, I had a lot of guys that actually intentionally stopped by my office after that came out and just said, hey, I read your article, I just want you to know how cool that is. I had people who said, you know, oh, my brothers gay or oh,

I have a cousin that's gay. And it was kind of cool because we had all of a sudden we had even more similarities. They had, they felt closer to me. They felt like they, you know, they had something personal they could share with me. And I found nothing but support with those guys. It was, it was pretty cool. felt like they had something personal they could share with me. And I found nothing but support with those guys. It was pretty cool. That is so amazing to me. And it makes you so relatable when you share that aspect

and you're vulnerable to you wasn't vulnerable to you are, but to the rest of the world it shows vulnerability, which in my opinion is true power, true strength. And then people feel like they do want to share with you. Hey, I'm in a similar situation. That connection and relatability is so meaningful. I completely agree. That's why I truly believe a great coach,

a great teacher is vulnerable. But it's also just, I guess, screams integrity. That's crucial and I see integrity and vulnerability together. And the more that we display that, the more trust you gain from players, the better leader you can be and the more buy-in you get. And so leaving Atlanta and going to San Fran, are you seeing different nuances in culture or different dynamics and how does that affect you? I'm with the same coaching staff for the most part. You know, I came with Kyle and And a bunch of those guys that were there in Atlanta, but I Love San Francisco as a city. It's so progressive. It's, you know, so the area is definitely

Very very progressive, but in terms of the culture of the team, if you ask any of our coaches, they would all say they don't even think about the fact that I'm a female. They just see me as one of them. And I always like to make sure people know me being female is just one of my differences, but every single coach is different. Every single coach has a different background, has something different about their story, being females just want to mine.

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university podcast. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Find the millionaire university on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcast. Keep coming back. You got plenty of space. Oof, not how you would have done that. You like working with people you can rely on, like USAAA, who has helped guide the military community

for the past 100 years. USAAA, get a quote today. That's so well said. I love that because it's just one other check on a box. I mean, that's really all that it is. Okay, so where is it now that you're looking to grow? I see you through social media doing a lot of work to get your message out there and empower others and shine a light on equality and diversity. Is that your focus and passion now in addition to coaching? I would say yeah I have a obviously football that's that's my

passion. My job is to make sure that these guys are the best that they can be. Every single Sunday, Monday or Thursday that we play. And that is my number one goal right now, but then obviously with that, the platform that I've stepped onto is so important with the role of opening doors for others. And so that, because of my passion for coaching football, has become another, just, you know, part of my journey, part of my story, and I've completely embraced it. It wasn't something I expected, but I've become extremely passionate about making sure that

there's change in the world. Are you getting some really amazing messages, private messages on social media? Yeah, I get a lot of vulnerable messages with sharing their challenges. Yeah, I've had actually a former NFL coach tell me that he was no longer coaching in the NFL that he told me that he was gay and that he knew he was gay, but he never could come out about it and he was still struggling to come out, but he confided that within me. I mean, it was something that was, it was so incredible and it helped me to realize the impact that I'm making because I wanted to thank him because although he didn't feel like he could come out, he was truly making

progress. And whether, you know, it was the right way, the wrong way. We can't tell someone when they can and can't come out. But I thanked him. And, you know, I've had a fan that told me that they were in the closet quote unquote, and that they were worried that the players wouldn't sign their autographs anymore. You know, I've had some stuff like that. And it's crazy to think that we are still so worried that other people are going to judge us. The reality is other people are always going to judge us regardless.

But it's important to know that we can be who we want to be and be supported fully. You know, when you shared that really powerful story about this prior NFL coach and not having come out and what if, and what if you know he would have well when you think about that now, don't you think he would have even been a stronger better coach had he really stepped into his truth during the time if that would have been you know available to him? I think he would have absolutely. I think we still have a long way to go and not just football in every aspect in terms of this fear of in a way femininity. I think that which is, you know, a lot of people say, I'm a lesbian. So I have more

masculine traits in a way. I feel like everything about football is kind of, I guess, a way of how we view life, if you think about it, in terms of, you know, oh, you hit like a girl, oh, you throw like a girl, everything that is associated with being feminine, being passive, you know, being a man is being assertive, being aggressive, all those traits, that's what you seek in football. And I think that's what we tell people that we want to seek in life. But that's what we tell our traits of men. And so it's important to recognize that's what we assume being feminine is, and that's what we assume masculine is. You've been set it to begin with when we first started talking about everything that you were doing to try to act more like a man. Like a man. Yes. But it was

everything that was powerful. It was everything that was you know aggressive. It was not being vulnerable. It was not and it shows you just the the stereotype that we have, being a man, being a woman, being able to lead, not being able to lead. It's quite an interesting culture that we have here. It's great though that these conversations are finally able to be had

and that people are committed like you and passionate to having them. I mean, you're freeing up a lot of your personal time right now to get out and share this message to affect our community at large. Yeah. You know, it's something that I've always been passionate about, but didn't know it and found obviously my passion later.

There was one time I was walking through a store with my ex-fiancé had a daughter and I was walking through aisles with her. told her she could pick out any toys she wanted and we were going down what you consider the you know there's had a lot of pink in it so but she couldn't find anything and we got to like the cool Lego section she's like oh we can't go down there that's the voice section so I said okay and we literally walked around the whole store and then I said, Alia, do you wanna go back to this aisle? And finally she gave in and she found the toy

that she was looking for. And if you think about life in terms of those aisles, think how many opportunities were limiting for our children because of the stereotypes that we've created when in reality they could just, they could find what they're passionate about if we just open the door to the opportunities. I mean one of the greatest gifts we could ever give someone is allow them to

find and step into their passion. For my entire career I didn't work anywhere near my passion. I did something because I was good at it and chasing a paycheck which was great at the time in my limited vision but when you're willing to open your mind to other opportunity, when you don't see how it's going to get there, like you didn't know you were going to go to the NFL and be an NFL coach immediately. You know, it wasn't that clear. It was about those challenges along the way,

but you have to be willing to take that chance and see. But the passion thing to me is so big, because I never thought you could make a career out of your passion. Oh, absolutely. It's, I think people often think that that's kind of the dream world. Right, I was one of those people.

But it doesn't have to be. And oftentimes it's not that everybody is gonna go out and be a professional athlete or everyone's gonna go out and be an actor or whatever. It's finding your passion and what you're doing. If you go out and you a professional athlete or everyone's going to go out and be an actor or whatever. It's finding your passion and what you're doing. If you go out and you mow lawns and that's what you see it as is mowing lawns, then you probably not going to be passionate about it. But if you say that I'm going to go mow the lawn in this park because this is going to create

a better quality for the kids that play in the park for the families that come and spend time there, that's where you create passion. It's a mindset. You're doing the same job, but you find the passion in it. And if you can't, you better get out. Do you ever see people in football that aren't passionate about the job anymore? Absolutely. Yeah, I think you see it in every job. And I think oftentimes, again, we see these what we think of dream jobs maybe because of money maybe because of fame and if that's the reason that you're seeking these jobs you will not find happiness for long. It's so true it's fleeting. Yeah. So Katie people want to keep up with you.

We want to see where you're going next. What's happening next? How can we find you? Instagram at Kate's Hours 5 you'll see I just got a sphinx kitten, hairless kitten, so I get a lot of hate about that. The Austin powder is so lool. It's just proving that girls don't have to like pink, boys don't have to like blue, and cats don't have to have hair. It's a thing. I love it. Throw in some serious knowledge on us,

and that is a real deal, so well said. Thank you so much for being here for shining your light and just showing the world that being who you are is everything. Thank you for having me. That's a good work. Oh my gosh, you're the best. All right, hang with me, I'll be right back.

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today including your phone, Roku, Amazon Fire TV, Apple TV, Smart TVs, PlayStation, and anywhere else you stream. Check it out. Okay, so speaking about football, I just read an article about Rob Grinkowski retiring from the Patriots and how in his own words he described he wasn't happy, he wasn't putting himself first and he had to retire and leave in order to put himself first and take time for himself. And I started thinking, well if Rob Grinkowski can retire from the NFL and leave the pets to put himself first and do what's right for him, I think it's okay for me to go to the gym or meet against sitter and go out with my girlfriend. And I think the same for you.

Putting yourself first isn't taboo, it's what we need to do. So let's follow Grunk's reign here and say, okay, I am taking care of me and putting me first because that's gonna turn things around, improve things in my life and I want you to do that same for yourself. So I wanted to answer a few different questions

and surprisingly, this is so not an ad ad I just have to share the story with you, but I'm speaking at hypergrowth blah blah blah Drift is the company that is putting on hypergrowth. I had no idea what drift was before I was speaking for them Well, I checked out the company and I ended up putting a drift bot on my website You'll check it out if you go to Heather Monahan.com and you'll see a little mini me head will come up and you'll say, Hi, how can I help you? And what is so cool is drift has this technology where when people go to my website, they see the little me head and they can type in, Hey Heather, I can't find the confidence tips or the free ebook or the accountability partner sign up. And I can respond to them in real time and say, oh, here's the link or how else can I help?

It's so cool and it's giving me another place where I can interact in real time with you and with everyone. And it's just, I really like it. So check it out. You can actually put it on your website for free if you go to drifft.com and sign up. You can have one of those little bots on your site. And it's just, it allows for a lot of interaction,

help in navigating the site, which is so cool. So I've been getting a lot of questions there. And surprisingly, I got three questions this week about getting fired and people that got fired and don't know what to do. First of all, my entire book, Confidence Creators, is based on what to do when you get fired. So get Confidence Creators on Amazon.

I have an audible paperback, hardcover. I love that book. I've read so many amazing reviews from my listeners. So definitely check out my book. It will help you. However, there's a number of different things you can do. You know, number one, lower expectations on yourself. When you get fired or broken up with

or jolted, that's not the time to say, where am I going to be in 10 years and I need to save more money and I need to go on vacation here and have a better life. It's time to say, you know what? I'm doing pretty good. I am living and that is pretty freaking awesome and just lower that expectation. Ask for what you need. That was a big thing for me. You know, I told people I'm not in a good space. I need your help. I'm freaking out. I put it out on social media. I really allowed myself to be vulnerable, but I wanted to reach a lot of people and get help. And that was a big help for me, but you need to make your own decisions. But it is important to

ask for help in a time like that. I broke things down to a 30-day plan. I felt like that was manageable. And what I realized was firing that villain from my life that thought she fired me. Hello, no, flip the script on that one. I fired her. It started allowing really positive people in my life to show up because I had been blocked by someone

who's so negative and trying so hard to hold me back. I was eroding my confidence when I was at that company. When I fired her from my life, I started feeling better about myself. I stopped second-guessing every decision I made because I didn't have someone trying to tell me I was constantly wrong or ignoring me. And I began to feel stronger and right then, amazing people started showing up into my life that I guess didn't have the space to come into it before. So really, you know, create that short list of who you need to fire that's negative in your life, allow positive people to start showing up, practice gratitude. I would write down three things. I was grateful for every day. I would journal and put all my thoughts on paper so I could see how far I would come each week I was feeling better thinking differently Breathing I would just work on you know my breathing and meditating working out because that's a huge outlet for me

You know just really basic things. I wrote a note to myself, you know to feel better You could drink water. You could do deep breathing. You could go to the gym, you could hug your son, you could write down things you're grateful for. Really basic things because when you're in an overwhelming situation, just sort of like with a hurricane right now, taking it back to the basics really allows you to gain that perspective and feel much better. Here's the thing, when you don't know what's happening, know that anything is possible. And that could be amazing and that could be not so amazing, but we know it's not going to stay like that,

whatever that may be. But for me, getting fired was horrible at first and devastating, but really over that first month, things started to change and evolve. And then I figured out I was going to write a book, and then I figured out it was going to be about my lowest moments and how I created confidence from them. And then I figured out the name of my book, and then I figured out my cover, and then I figured out how to self-publish.

All these things happen in unfolded over time. I didn't know I was gonna become a professional speaker. That happened as a result of trying to promote my book. And now, actually, oh my gosh, I'm excited to share this with you. Tuesday, when I'm in Boston, I just signed on with APB speakers and I got a meeting with their 20 agents and I have the opportunity Monday,

Tuesday morning before I go to hypergrowth, I'm going in to present to the agents and these are the things I didn't know were happening right back when I got fired that are now amazing to know I'm gonna have the chance to meet these people that are gonna be out pitching me on my behalf and driving revenue for me. You know I always talk about the importance of that face-to-face meeting. I am signed with a number of different speaker bureaus, which I'm grateful for and very proud of, and I'm up on their websites and at people see me on there, they can book me through them.

However, it's really hard to get agents to want to pitch you if they don't have an emotional connection with you, right? So this is a real breakthrough moment for me that I know once I can go face to face with people, forget it. I'm not leaving there without some of my peeps in my back pocket. I'm going to connect with them. I am going to be so fired up and and bring my message and the power of my energy and myself to this meeting. And so I'm really

I'm elated. And I want you to think about that too. Who could you go face to face with in your life and your business that could really allow you to take off? Who knows what will happen, but I know not going, not showing up, not having that meeting, nothing is going to happen. So yeah, it's going to be a busy day. And I got a lot going on. But this is a huge opportunity for me, and I'm showing up for it, and I'm really excited for it. So again, none of these things did I know were going to happen back when I got fired. It was sort of about that unfolding of the process, taking action, listening to myself, and moving forward into fear because that

was the biggest thing, that was the biggest holdback, the self doubt and fear. How am I going to pay my bills? Where, you know, if I don't go back to another company and media, how will I make it work? This is the only thing I know how to do. And I was just limiting myself so much in those dark moments by fear. And the more I would step into the fear, the more opportunity would arise. And as you know, I've reframed fear now as a green light that just means go. It means I'm growing and I'm proud of me and I'm taking that next leap. And you know, as you've heard many times, if you don't take that leap,

you're never going to know what it's like to fly. You're always going to stay held back. The days of me holding myself back are over and they ended the day I got fired. So you can see getting fired as a negative. I see it as being in good company and really being that jumpstart for me that I needed years ago. So I'm so grateful for that. Okay, interesting question that came to me actually today. I have some friends that I'm on LinkedIn all the time. I know I share this with you often and I made some friends there that I haven't met personally

in life but we work together on different projects or podcasts or whatever. And so a couple of my friends reached out to me and said, hey, we're launching a book. Heather, we need to speak to you because your PR so strong, you're speaking so strong and we want to emulate it. And it was funny, we got on the phone together today. And these guys are in sales, just like my background is in sales.

And I said, guys, listen, here's the thing. You need to hustle. You need to create a target list of the shows you want to be on, the influencers you want to work with, the podcasts you want to be on, the influencers you want to work with, the podcast you want to be on, you need to figure out why you and how do you fit? Like, what's the story with you with this podcast? Why would this person, why would it make sense for you to go on this podcast? Why you, what is it that you're going to deliver and bring for the audience that makes it a must have to, you know, and I love giving away books, autograph books. I was expressing to them to come up with some type of a giveaway. You know, people like to work with others that want to give and bring value, not make it about me, me, me, you know, so make it about them,

make it about their audience. It's really sales 101. So we walked through some of those steps and then they were like, okay, how do you get on, you know, these speaker trails? And I explained to them, you know, when I first launched my book, I did not charge anyone a speaker fee. I just wanted the audience and I wanted to sell books. And what that, it was hard and, you know, I for went a lot of money in that first year

was really scary because I did that. However, it gave me great footage for my real right away. It gave me amazing testimonials and reviews and recommendations of my work. And we all need reviews and recommendations of our work. If you don't have any on your website right now, get them, ask your clients. Hey, can you give me some feedback and writing

of what you think of working with me? So it allowed me to compile a really strong speaker, kid, a strong speaker reel. All these things that I didn't know I needed to have if I wanted to garner a fair amount of money for my keynote. And I didn't even know what that spectrum was. You know, what do people get paid? And come to find out, people get paid so much more than I even had realized. However, this is the journey continues. I'm learning more and more. I don't beat myself up because I didn't charge people back then or I started off charging people too

little. Instead, I just learned from it and I'm really learning to be grateful for the mistakes I make and understanding and compassionate with myself that I'm doing a freaking amazing job. And I haven't always felt that way. I used to be in an environment where I wasn't told I was doing an amazing job and I questioned myself. But now I look back on those times and I see I was killing it. But now I'm feeling like I'm killing it, which is so much better. So, you know, step into that unknown journey and keep pushing. You might not do it all right, but just keep going. And I explained to my friends today on the phone, you know, calling universities and starting to speak for them for free really opened some doors for me that I'm

grateful for and eventually led me to where I am now, you know, a year later, this is now my number one revenue driver. This is definitely my focus here for, you know, the short term and really how I spend my time is leaning into the speaking business. I love it. And I'm so excited about it. I'm so excited about this week and these meetings that I have coming. So on the outside, I believe people think there's this one magic potion. Like maybe I had this magic recipe, but when we were about to get off the call, these guys said, so how they're basically,

it's all in the hustle, the pitching, the keep getting back up, you know, make mistakes, pivot, you know, don't give up and continue to follow up with people. Basically, it's the sales 101, when it comes to pushing your book and getting press and getting on shows and and getting landing speaking engagements. I said, yeah, that really is it. And what I've also learned is, you know, I wanted an agent so bad when I first was starting out in the speaking career when I started understanding it all.

I said, oh, I just need someone out there pitching me all the time. And someone said to me that was in the speaking business and years ahead of me, Heather, this is so funny. Everyone wants that agent that's out pitching them everywhere and working so hard for them. However, agents are paid off commission. So agents gravitate towards the speakers that make the most money. And what's funny is the day that agents start calling you and want to represent you will be the day that you don't want their representation because you'll be so dialed in at that point, so well known.

And in such high demand that you're not going to want to have to commission anybody, you'll want to manage it internally. And it's such an interesting dynamic and phenomenon, but they were right. You know, the better you get at this, the more you understand. You've built all the pieces, all the hard work. You've created the kit, the real, the testimonials. You've traveled all around the country, and now you have the arsenal of the brands that you've worked with. And suddenly you're saying,

why would I want to pay someone? So it's sort of this, it's an interesting time for me to be understanding all of this and learning so much. And like you, you know, you just keep moving forward and figure it out on the way because Dunn is always better than perfect, as you know. And I'm so looking forward to this week staying focused on all of the great that's to come. I'm hoping you focus on that too.

And also praying for everyone in Florida. It's so crazy. You're going to be listening to this. And literally the hurricane is going to be hitting salt. I'm hopeful, hopeful everyone is safe. And, um, and I'm grateful for you to be here with me. So thanks for hanging with me again. I can't wait. You're going to hear the report back from the APB meeting, from HyperGrow, meeting Sarah Blakely, and so many other amazing things from this week. So, can't wait to talk to you next week.

I hope you have a fantastic week. And if you haven't, if you could please subscribe, rate and review my show. It helps so much with the ranking on Apple, and I would appreciate it. Until next time, keep creating your confidence. See you soon. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

I hope you're enjoying this episode so far. I'm Jennifer Cohen, host the top ranking business and entrepreneur podcast, Habits and Hustle, apart the YAP media network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. So, most people live the life they get and not the life they want. And I'm here to change all that. My goal with each episode is to give you the habit and hustle tips you need to show up to your life better, bigger, and bolder.

Tune in now, and I'll not only help you answer the questions, like, what do you want most in life, and why don't you have it, but we'll also help you make it a reality. I also picked the brains of top thought leaders on how they've gone to the top, and the advice they have to help you get there too. Head over to Habits and Hustle,

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