Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Why Thinking About Your Thinking Will Actually Change Your Brain Chemistry with Holocaust Survivor Dr. Edie Eger Episode 100

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

How can we turn the worst hardships into lessons? How do we grow and change rather than stay trapped in an endless cycle? It is my honor to have Dr. Edie Eger on the show today to share her lessons on love, hope, and healing. At 93 years old, Dr. Eger is a powerhouse of positivity and wisdom. She teaches us how to become the survivor instead of the victim. She explains the importance of thinking about your thinking. And she gives us the power of “Yes I am, Yes I can, Yes I will”. To be inspired by all Dr. Eger has to share with us, click play.    About the Guest: A native of Hungary, Edith Eva Eger was just a teenager in 1944 when she experienced one of the worst evils the human race has ever known. As a Jew living in Nazi-occupied Eastern Europe, she and her family were sent to Auschwitz, the heinous death camp. Her parents were sent to the gas chambers but Edith’s bravery kept her and her sister alive. After the war, Edith moved to Czechoslovakia where she met the man she would marry. In 1949 they moved to the United States. In 1969 she received her degree in Psychology from the University of Texas, El Paso. She then pursued her doctoral internship at the William Beaumont Army Medical Center at Fort Bliss, Texas. Dr. Eger is a prolific author and a member of several professional associations. She has a clinical practice in La Jolla, California and holds a faculty appointment at the University of California, San Diego. She has appeared on numerous television programs including CNN and the Oprah Winfrey Show; and was the primary subject of a holocaust documentary that appeared on Dutch National Television. She is frequently invited to speaking engagements throughout the United States and abroad. Finding Dr. Edie Eger: Visit her website: https://dreditheger.com  Read The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life here or here Facebook & Instagram: @dr.editheger   Follow along guide:   09:00 - Interview with Dr. Eger begins   39:42 - Heather answers your Questions     To inquire about my coaching program opportunity visit https://mentorship.heathermonahan.com/    Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!    My book Confidence Creator is available now! get it right HERE   If you are looking for more tips you can download my free E-book at my website and thank you! https://heathermonahan.com    *If you'd like to ask a question and be featured during the wrap up segment of Creating Confidence, contact Heather Monahan directly through her website and don’t forget to subscribe to the mailing list so you don’t skip a beat to all things Confidence Creating!     See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Love your new studio. I'm ready for my close to home. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here this week. Okay, this has been the craziest, busiest month. So here's what I want you to know. Live events are back in full, frickin' force. They're insane.

People are coming unglued. They're so excited to be a part of something alive. I did my first in-person speaking engagement this week in one year. It's been one year. I was freaking out about it. It went so flipping well. It was the most engaged audience I've ever been a part of.

And I truly believe it's a result of people being so sick of being stuck at home. It was just so obvious to me and it was great. They had bracelets. There's a green bracelet, a yellow and a red. And you choose the bracelet that fits you. I chose yellow, which meant I respect social distance, but happy to talk to you, right?

Green just means you can high five me, shake my hand. I don't care. And red means don't come near me. So I love that idea that you can be protected, you can be safe, and you can be outside. Our event was outside, which was kind of crazy. It was just, wow, surreal. I'm so excited. And I'm so hopeful for the future. I promise you this live events are going to be coming at you left and right. And they're so much more fun now that we've had a year of being stuck at home. So to that end, this week has been so crazy. I also went back to Naples, Florida for the first time in years. I used to work for a company headquartered in Naples, Florida as, you

know, as a cheap revenue officer. And I was back in Naples at least a couple times a month, if not once a week sometimes. So, you know, it's so incredibly different and weird. Now, I had my board meeting. We had board dinner. So we had a bunch of board events going on for health linked, which I'm on the board of directors. And this was our first in-person board event because we've been doing everything via Zoom up until now. And I'll tell you, it's so different to be face-to-face with people. The bonds you form so fast, it's so exciting.

You can crack jokes and be yourself. And we just, we had an amazing time. The actual meeting portion was great. The work that we're doing and that the team's doing is amazing, life changing, innovative. I'm so grateful to be a part of it, but I have to tell you that one being face to face with everyone was like nothing else. It was just pure magic. And then two, it's surreal because for 14 years, I pitched myself to be on the board of Beasley, the company that I was the chief revenue officer for.

I pitched myself hundreds of times because the board was made up of very much the same kind of individual or avatar, we'll call it, which was old white male. And I knew in media we needed to innovate and disrupt, and that's what I'm great at, and we needed to think and disrupt. And that's what I'm great at. And we needed to think of different ways to evolve the business. And I would pitch myself, and pitch myself for the betterment of the company, for the return for the shareholders, right? I really truly believed in it wholeheartedly.

And I would always get the brush off. You know, I'd get the, yeah, just not this year. Oh, definitely sounds like a great idea. I got brushed off and brushed off and it was so frustrating. And it's so crazy. My son and I brought my son with me on this trip as he's in Zoom school. So it worked out fine. And we were back at the Ritz Carlton Golf Resort in Naples.

That's where my board put me up for the trip. And it was a beautiful hotel. And I've stayed there a million times back when I was with this radio company. But it was so different this time. As soon as I got off the elevator for our floor, I had this flashback to an event that we did where we had all the board members were there,

all of the bankers, BCs, investment people were there. And I had done a presentation, our CFO had done a presentation, our CEO had done a presentation, and then we were doing a cocktail party after. And it was going great. And I so wanted to be involved, and I was chatting everyone up, as I had not really been on the money side of the business, right? I was on the revenue generation side, not on the accounting and getting investors for our company side. So I always want to learn and grow, of course.

And so I really was excited to spend time with these people. I didn't know them well. So I'm chatting everyone up. It's going swimmingly. And there was a new woman who had just joined our company at the time. This is years ago, gosh, place seven or eight years ago, now maybe even longer, nine. And she was brand new and she was leading the digital initiative, which I conceptualized, I kicked off, I pitched and I got approved. And then they took it away from me and gave it to this new woman, which ended up failing. And I got it back, shout out to Karma. But anyhow, so this woman, nobody knew, had improved herself in the company. I had been there for years and had beyond proved myself. And at the end of the cocktail party, I'll never forget this. And I had forgotten about this. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

It was the end of the cocktail party. And all of a sudden, the CFO, the woman that ended up firing me, the CEO, that woman that was leading the digital and all the BCs, investors, and bankers, all got up to leave. And all the BCs, investors, and bankers all got up to leave. And someone said to me, Heather, aren't you coming? And I said, I don't know. I wasn't invited. Where are you going?

And they were all going to dinner. And I intentionally was not invited. And I remember seeing everyone leave together and feeling, I'd been at the company for years, I'd been promoted three times, I'd done a phenomenal job. It was my idea that they were going out to dinner to talk about, which was this new revenue stream and this new disruptive digital model

that I came up with, and everyone left without me. And I got to stay back. And I was in my red dress, I was looking amazing, I was so excited. I was really trying to put myself out there to learn about the side of the business that I didn't know. And I got the, you know, disapproving look as the CFO turned her head and walked out with everybody else.

And I was left standing in the cocktail room by myself. And that was such a bad feeling. And as I got off the elevator with my son and we were going to our room, and I was going to, you know, get him situated and order him dinner, and then I was going to a dinner with the board. I just realized now I'm a part of something where I'm invited. I'm wanted to be there. And that seismic shift. I cannot tell you, if you ever feel like you're not wanted somewhere, those are not your people, ditch them, fire them. I should have fired that lady whatever it was 10 years ago, instead of waiting for her to fire me three years ago,

caring around how crappy I felt when I got up that elevator and just saw, oh my gosh, I saw my memory and I saw that night and how bad it was. And I went to my memory and I saw that night and how bad it was. And I went to my hotel room alone and I really just felt bad for myself. What I should have been doing was leaving. I should have packed up my bag and left and said, I'm out. This is it. And I'm disappointed I did. And I'm grateful now. I don't have to be around people like that. And I literally had the greatest trip to Naples. People were saying,

are you going to feel weird being out there now? And I said, no, I felt amazing. I'm a part of a board. I'm the only woman, but the guys I'm working with are amazing. And they're so brilliant and funny and they want me there. And I don't get left behind. I get walked to my car. I get call saying, did you get into the hotel okay? Do you like the room? Is your son okay? Can we do anything to help you? I get, hey, did you get into the hotel? Okay, do you like the room? Is your son okay? Can we do anything to help you? I get, hey, here's where the office is for the meeting in the morning. And, you know, people just bending over backwards to help me. And it's such a different feeling. And I want that for you. So if you ever feel like you're in a room where you're not wanted, get up, stand up, fire those villains and go find a room where people do want you,

because it does exist. And yes, I was told, no, when I pitched myself to be on the board, hundreds of times for more than a decade. And the reality is I was pitching the wrong people, I was in the wrong room. And as soon as I left that group of individuals, as soon as I was out on my own, I got asked to join a board. I was appointed to the board of directors within two years of being fired. That opportunity found me. I didn't find it. And now I'm back in Maple's leading a company on the board, super proud and working with people, light years ahead of those people that I used to work with. So rejection is simply redirection to a better place. And I hope that hits you and lands with you the way it does with me.

So hopeful for the future. Hold tight. We're going to be right back. We're going to be the different guests each week. I'm so excited for everyone to meet. Edie, thank you so much for everyone to meet Edie. Edie, thank you so much for being here to such an honor having you on the show. So, Edie, Mewchum, thank you.

Well, you have a life story like no other. I've never had the opportunity to sit with someone with such an incredible life story. And as I read about your background, I learned that at one point before the Holocaust, you were actually training as a gymnast for the Olympics. With all my dreams and hopes, practicing five, six hours a day. What was that like mentally to give that up to have that taken away from you? I can't imagine what that was like as a day. What was that like mentally to give that up, to have that taken away from you?

I can't imagine what that was like as a child. It was worse than Auschwitz. That was my hope and dream. That was my life to be. And that was crushed. When my trainer told me I don't qualify, and I had to train someone else. But you write about these challenging moments actually being a gift for you after the fact

that couldn't have been like that at the time. How and when did you learn to translate your horrible moments in your life into gifts for you? your horrible moments in your life and to gifts for you. I have been always a very curious child. And my mother told me, I'm glad that you have brains because you have no looks. And I became a very lonely shy, a very died child that I had my own book club. I read the interpretation of Dreams by Freud and that was before Auschwitz.

So I was kind of equipped when my ballet trainer told me that God built me in such a magnificent way that all my ecstasy has to come from inside out. And I didn't know that word ecstasy until I realized in our Schwitz that I have to look inside me because there was nothing in coming from the outside, then the gas chamber, fire coming out of the chimney. And I'm told every day that I'm never going to get out of here alive. And that's why I like to talk so much about finding hope and hopelessness and not to allow anything to get to you ever unless you allow them. How do you do that when you have so many people telling you there's no way you're going to live and you're watching so many people die all around you?

It must have been so challenging. I really don't know because I just began to look at the same thing from a different perspective. So when I speak at churches, I talk about a little Jewish boy called Jesus, who told us turn the other cheek. And when you turn the other cheek, then you look at the same thing from a different way. And that's where I learned that somehow I was chosen to look at the

gods that they were the prisoners, not me. And that helped me to give also my guidance to others so we can be a family of inmates. Because if you were just for the Mimi, Mimi, you didn't make it. All we had was each other then, and guess what? All we have is each other now. So I am very grateful that I can talk to you as a mother of three, a grandmother of five, and a great grandmother of seven boys that I consider my best revenge to Hitler. Wow, so you were really leading at such a young age in the middle

of a Holocaust with empathy and kindness and inclusion and you saw it impacted the people around you. Yes, and that's why I ask people, when I go to a classroom, I run, run, run to the Blackboard, and I put them on I can't. And then I take the eraser and take the poster of Fenty, I can't why? Because I think I can.

That's, you know, the whole cognitive psychology is based on a philosopher called Epictetus, who said, it's not what happens, makes you feel the way you feel, but the way you view it, the way you think will create your daily feelings, whether you look at things as an opportunity, and as a way that you can find hope and hope, as a person has, that there is a gift in everything that you really create what you think. What are some of the practices or routines that you put into your life to keep you focused on that awareness? You know, I have a patient who went to do a marathon. And then somehow after a while, she stopped and she didn't know if she can go further.

And she ran into my office, and I said, actually, you know what I did, what you told me. And I said, what did I tell you? Yes, I am. Yes, I can. Yes, I will. And I said, yes, I am.

Yes, I can. Yes, I will. And I did it. So with me, you're going to say a lot of yeses, but not yes but. If your mother tell you you're a very beautiful girl, but you're having too many pimples, that's not going to really be very good because you actually will listen what came after the I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really't clean my kitchen. But I did, you see, so give me the butt, I give you an end. Yes, and it's going to really give you further more.

Yes, I am. Yes, I can. Yes, I will. A lot of yeses rather than yes, but yes, but, but, you know, like a bull, but, but, no more he is but. So a lot of the work that you do with your patients is helping them reframe how they see things and choose different, make different word choices. I don't ask how can I help you because I'm not empty, I'm not going to put you back together again, but I do ask how can how can I help you? Because I'm not empty, I'm not gonna put you back together again. But I do ask, how can I be useful to you?

I love that you don't call yourself a shrink, but instead the stretch. A stretch? Because the more choices you have, definitely plus you feel like a victim. And victims will always find a victimizer. You cannot be a victim without a victimizer. So a lot of your patients were searching for people to cause them harm?

Sometimes some people need to get in touch with two worlds, always and never. I always do that. I'm, women says, I'm never going to find a good man. And I'm saying, should he not? But I very wish. He's going to show up for you. And so it's very important to become aware of your self-dialogue because it makes come through what you feel. It's called the negative self-reflect prophecy. And also, I think there are characteristics like blaming and unforgiving and being stuck in the past. You know, I bet I'm never going to find anyone.

I bet I'm not going to have anyone who can give me babies. You know, just a lot of worries never vocabulary. So survivors are more flexible for giving and really just, you know, accepting that life as limitations. We are limited, not limitless. But that doesn't mean within my limited capacity, I was able to find a way to turning hatred into pity and feeling sorry for the gods. And I could not change what was outside of me. I was able to turn a trip into pity,

feeling sorry for the gods that they're wearing these uniforms, that they were brainwashed, that they told me every day that I'm never going to get out of here alive. The only way I will get out to feel as a corpse, and look at me. So I think it's very important to think about your thinking and pay attention to what you're paying attention to and what do you focus on. And that's what you do.

That's what you do. It's so true. What in my experience, when you're in a work environment or with people who are like you're explaining, blaming, it can envelop you. And then when you separate yourself from those environments, you can see that you can focus on more positive things a lot. And that's why it's so interesting to me,

you haven't survived that Holocaust when you're immersed in negative situations around negative people. Even if you are a very strong positive person, it is. It's hard to focus on the good. Very hard life is very hard. You have to take your birth certificate and it doesn't say life is easy. There is no guarantee, there is no certainty that is probability because what you think you create, that we know, we have scientific proof that your dialogue in the morning can change your body chemistry.

So pay attention to yourself dialogue. In the morning, whether you're going to make it in the end of the day and sit down and say, ìAve a girl, I'm'm satisfied. That's what life is one day at 93. I have yet to arrive. I'm still climbing the mountain. I have yet to stop. And I don't retire. I'm good. I don't believe in retirement. National security experts are warning our aging power grid is more vulnerable than ever. January marked a third time a power station in North Carolina was damaged by gunfire. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat.

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I am very, very happy that I got two shots and hopefully, hopefully this is temporary. And we can all survive it. It's very sad what we are here because we will not prepare for this. No, for sure we were not. No, no, no. And that's the difference between reacting or responding. So stop blaming anyone, especially not yourself. I could have, I should have, get rid of those words, just say, I'm in it, I am a fish and a fish tank, sometimes I can't see the water because I'm in it and become your own good observer. That's a very good scare that you can really develop. You watch yourself,

that you can really develop. You watch yourself the way you practice and what you practice, what you practice, self-love, self-care, that is not narcissistic. It's what you practice, you're going to be better at it. You've mentioned that depending on how you speak to yourself in the morning, you can change your body's chemistry. What actually happens to someone's body when they speak positive to themselves? You either become kind and grateful or anxiety-ridden and feel because of your people composed the way you are built, and it's automatic. So it is a world of difference, and this is science. I'm not making that up. I'm not making it up, and Auschwitz was an opportunity for an opportunity to not recover, but discover the part in me that I never thought was possible, that I could

room in a gas chamber any minute, they would beat me, torture, and yet they could never murder my spirit and learning, I will not allow the enemy to change my feelings and my life. Even though I was told every day that I am subhuman, I'm cancer to society, I heard it. But when a woman comes to me and tells me she was sexually touched inappropriately, but she doesn't want to tell me because I was in Auschwitz. My answer to her is, I knew the enemy and you didn't. So don't compare suffering, but the more you suffer, the stronger you become. You'll never give up. So do you think that society will be more resilient and stronger after this pandemic? I certainly hope so. That people recognize that this is time out. I don't know what thing about football. Believe me, but I know there is such a thing as time out. This is time out. And you regroup and most of all, you make a decision, yes I am, yes I can.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, it's temporary and I can survive it. Everything is temporary. Life is temporary. So at 93, I ask different questions than you do. I ask questions, how do I want to be remembered? And I'm feeling very grateful that I can talk to you, a woman who has a lot of strength to be able to teach and be a boss, a knowledgeable leader, and not a dictator. I'm so grateful to have you here. And to your point of legacy, will you share with us a bit about your book, The Gift?

Hi, I was many years ago beginning to write, and I started to write like a recipe, because I'm a real foodie, and the appetizers would be your childhood, and then it comes, you know, the the main course but that didn't go anywhere. And then Philip Zimbardo, who rode forward to the choice, told me, E.D. just remember that the survivors who are famous are all men. We need a female voice. or man, we need a female voice, that did it, that did it. Your why came so clear and so powerful and that is so important.

And that is so wonderful that he pushed me and pushed me and pushed me until I said, yes, the gift came after the choice because the choice was very different, moreover, a way of giving you where I'd be in and my story. But then people kept coming to me and telling me they need another book that is practical. They want to know how to become the survivor and not the victim of anything or anyone at any time. And that's how the gift came about. And I'm very, very sorry that I'm not writing another book like that, but I'm writing another book with my daughter Mary Ann, who is a good maker and it's going to be on the recipes. So you can expect Hungarian food and the most wonderful food that my daughter, they never eat, you know, they die. They are just wonderful with the best wines and the best food. My food is comfort food. I make

a Hungarian goulash and a chicken paprika and oh it's it's fattening and and so that's gonna be the third book. You should know what that means already. That's the best kind of notification. That's the sound of another sale on Shopify, and the moment another business dream becomes a reality. Shopify is a commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you're selling books or courses, Shopify is simplifies selling online and in person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Shopify covers every sales channel from in-person POS system to all-in-one e-commerce platforms. It even lets you sell across social media

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And I just, I don't have time. I mean, there's no time to get to it. And here you are at 93, just coming out with an amazing book and telling us now you have a third book coming out. That is so incredible. And that you find the energy and the discipline to get up and write and do this and create is so incredibly inspiring. Well, you know, I will retire retirement.

I don't believe in retirement because I get older and vice-saying. And that is, is its attitude. The way you look at age as becoming less of a need of other people, loving you, proving of you, or pleasing you, or you pleasing them, I also ask people to get rid of any kind of perfectionism, anything that you do in excess, because perfectionism will bring you to become a procrastinator. I have a theory on perfectionism and I want to hear from you what you think. My fear, I am not a perfectionist, I happen to go the other way.

I would rather have a book with five mistakes in it and I would rather make dinner and have it try something new and not cook it all the way. That's just who I am, but I work with people, clients that I coach and a lot of them are perfectionists so they don't write the book, so they don't launch the podcast. And what I've been telling them, and I'm interested to hear what you think, is I tell them I believe perfectionism is just a veil or a cover for fear. That it isn't about perfectionism. It's just hiding that they're scared. What do you think? Beautiful. I think it's brilliant. I mean, because fear and love doesn't coexist. Because fear and love doesn't coexist. When you have fear, you're going to want to do things just right, which means never.

I think you're brilliantly expressing perfectionism. We'll put you back because we're human, and we will make mistakes. We cannot compete with God. And what is God? Think or bear. The free spirit, you see. If you try to do it just right, you're never going to. Because we're not built that way.

We make mistakes, we're fallible. I think it's brilliant what you're doing, asking people to recognize that feeling love does not make it together. When you have fear, you have no love. And of course, when you have love, you have no fear. Have you seen love coming out of fear? Never. You have to think about it. You have to think about your thinking. That's very, very important. Because if you change your thinking, your whole life is going to be looked at from a different perspective. Have you ever gone through a time when you struggled with your thinking, when you look back on your life,

or do you feel like you had mastered your thoughts? I think I was put into a family that people were very talented. My sister Magda, played piano, my sister Clara was a child prodigy in violin, so I would never say to you my name. I would say, I'm Clara'sista, I was hanging on someone else's coat there. I didn't think I was worthy of anything. And I spent a lot of time alone, and you know what, if you're not happy alone, you will not be happy with anyone else. So true. Self-love is self care. So everything starts and ends. Something cold life,

you're born alone. And when we die, hopefully, we feel satisfied. Not asking what the world was owing me and giving me. However, I came to this world to see in what way I can be unique, one-of-a-kind, special, wonderful, treasured. So let's, let's, again, say, self-love is self-care, it's not, not, say, sister. And that's a big shift for so many people, as I'm sure you deal with many patients who suffer from that thinking that they're being selfish if they want to take care of themselves. It goes from generation to generation. It is a legacy, yes. And it's up to us, which one we choose to take from generation to generation,

because yesterday's victim can easily become today's victimizers. That is very scary. Yes, it is because they look at victims as weak and victimizers as strong. We call it the Stockholm Syndrome that you really identify with strength and you easily can become not a survivor. Unfortunately, the victim who becomes the victimizer and that is very important to think about your thinking because revenge gives you a certain amount of satisfaction, but it doesn't last too long. And forgiveness, especially to you, begins with you.

I have a friend that was telling me she started a new practice where every night when she goes to bed, she forgives herself. Even if she can't think of something in the moment, it's the last thing she says before she goes to bed, I forgive you for everything and everything, I love you. She says that to herself as a routine every night and she said it's been a real blessing to her. Whichever way you can go to sleep at night, that you're worthy, you're really worthy of your own healing. Remember in my book, this doctor who self-medicated, came to see me and we took care of it and left.

And then one day he called me and he said, Eee-ee, I never forget what you told me. And as you know, I talk a lot, I teach a lot. And I don't pathologize. I think people are hungry. They either have something, what they don't want, or they want something, what they don't have. I make things simpler.

So I said, so what do I tell you? And he said, there was no prosaq in Auschwitz. Don't medicate grief. It's not an illness. That is powerful. Don't medicate grief. Wow. And I am talking to the wonderful students

and medical school and they know that grief is not an illness. It's a natural response to grief. And that's how I became the comedy expert on PTSD. But it's not post-traumatic stress disorder. We patologize to them. It's not that. It's about grieving, feeling and healing. You cannot heal what you don't feel. So that's why you don't medicate grief because what comes out to your body doesn't make you ill, what stays in their doors. So that's why I ask, are you re-wouving or are you e-wiling or are you evolving because you want to do the

evolving because if you are re-wiling you have to listen to Albert Stein. The little Jew who came from Germany and changed the whole history, it says the definition of insanity is to doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So some people are just doing the same thing over and over again. Then I tell you a hundred times and I say, don't repeat yourself, children will not take you seriously. And what mothers do? Get off the roof, John. The kid doesn't listen because mother is going to come back. Johnny, and by the

fifth time, they can hear you in Hungary. So the child doesn't listen to you until you scream that they can hear you in Hungary. It's very unfortunate that mothers do that don't ever raise your voice because when you're angry you already gave your power away, your bankrupt. Oh, I love that. Anger is already giving your power away. That is so strong. I love that. See what happens. Let's think about a salesman and he goes to work and he doesn't sell as much as he should have. So he's frustrated because he doesn't know where he's going to be fired. So get some highway and now he says I'm boss and I am in front of him and he talks to me and yells at me.

I don't hear him and then I get off the next exit and he gets a ticket. He gets a ticket for speeding. Now he gets home and he says to himself, I'm king, and a three-year-old child cries. So what he does, he raises his voice, shout up, kid, and a child cries even more. And he says to himself, if I cannot control a three-year-old, I'm not a man. And that's when he hits the child or his wife, because the definition of a man is to have control and power. Can you see the pattern? So scary.

It is very scary for a man most. It's very scary for him, because to not being a man, I am a nothing, no thing, no thing. If I don't have control and power over three years, I'm not a man. How do you teach the man to not give away his power by getting angry? By not raising his voice and stay, tell me more, love is time, T.I.M.E. time. Yes, and the father is a wonderful role model to the children, because love is not what you feel is what you do, and you show the children the way he treats the children's parents. I love that line. Love is not what you feel. It is what you do. That is so powerful.

Well, for everybody that wants to get your book, the gift, 12 lessons to save your life. This book is a must read right now. E.D. Where can everyone get it? Amazon, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Barnes and Noble. Independent booksellers have it. Independent booksellers have it. Independent booksellers have it. We will put links to this in the show notes so that everybody can definitely get it from Amazon. And Barnes and Noble, I'll have both those links in the show notes.

So everyone can pick up the gift. It's the must read right now during a pandemic. Well, I hope that this is looked at as an opportunity, as everything in life is. And the darker, the darker everything is, the closer you feel to that spirit that will tell you, yes, I am, yes, I can, yes, I will. And this is your calling, Connie.

This is not your job. Oh, thank you so much. So you are such a beautiful spirit, Edie. Thank you so much for being here and thank you for all that you do. Thank you very much for commitment and being such a wonderful romantic to us all. What an honor. You are such a pleasure. Thank you, Edie and a whole tight everyone. We're going to be right back. Okay, I don't know why I can't stop thinking about this board situation. I guess it was my first in person meeting, but it's still right on my mind. And I am still so excited about it.

I have so much that I'm going to share with you in the next few months that we're doing. And you're going to freak out. it's huge, it's amazing. I cannot share it, of course, but I can't wait till I can't, and hopefully that will, well, definitely will be this year that you're gonna hear about it. So, big thanks to Come, which I'm super excited about,

and it's so great to be a part of something with big things on the horizon, because you have so much to look forward to, and I just hope you're feeling hopeful about this year 2021 is not 2020, right? 2020, I was not living my best life. There was no life speaking events. I was in my two bedroom condo with my 13 year old on Zoom school. We were not living our best life, but 2021 things are happening. And even this week, it was so great. One of my coaching clients flew down from Chicago and I had gotten to know her so well over the last year, but I'd never met her in person. And I got this amazing opportunity to sit outside with her and have drinks at

this place, McIntyne Walensky, on the water that I love and spend time in real life with a person I only ever met through a computer. And it was such a beautiful exchange. There's just a different energy when you can be with people in person. And I am doubling down on everything in person. And it was funny at our class, I'm teaching at Harvard, and at our class for Harvard this week,

the other professor brought in a speaker. She was great, fantastic speaker. She spoke for 40 minutes for us. And she really focused a lot on Zoom and how to maximize the Zoom experience when you're selling. And I thought you made some great points, right, about you really need to bring your energy because the computer does it,

it dulls it for you, you need to look into the camera not at the screen. You know, she talked about going to where people are, like connect with them on social, connect with them on their DMs, connect with them here, they don't try to make it about you, you know, whatever works for them. Lots of great ideas that she brought to the table, but at the end, she talked about that she believes 50% of sales exchange will continue to occur on Zoom from now on. So really forecasting it out for this year and beyond that half of all business will continue

to remain virtual. And I don't have any data to support this. So I probably shouldn't even say it, but I will, because that won't stop me. My intuition and my instinct from the event that I did this week in the unbelievable outpouring of love and energy and feedback and interaction. It just showed me no, everything is going to go live. Everyone is going to go live. For me, this is going to be the year of yes, where, you know, 2019, I was really traveling a lot. And so anytime people would ask me to do things outside of something for work, I was always saying no. Now if people are going to ask to go to a live event. I'm going to say,

count me in. Let's go. Now, you know, the first time that we get the chance to have our Harvard class back in school on campus, raising my hand. I'm going, right? So I'm just challenging you to think a little differently around what today, tomorrow, the rest of the year and the future is going to look like. I'm going all in on live events and I can't wait to hear what your thoughts are on that. So definitely hit me up in the DMs. I'm on all social media at Heather Monahan. You know that. I'm at Heather Monahan.com. You can email me. I want to hear from you and thank you to everybody that gave me the feedback that you do want me to do two shows a week. Now I actually just have to go pull it off and do it. So I heard you loud and clear, I'm on it. Your girls on it. We're going to make it happen.

We're going to continue to evolve, continue to step into fear, continue to go to the next level. And I'm going to be here next week. I hope you're back here with me. Keep creating confidence. I can't wait to see what happens next. You could miss it. I'm on this journey with me. At a time when change is constant and we are pulled in far too many directions, we need a way to stay present to life and to increase our ability to remain calm, think clearly and maintain our well-being. Many studies indicate mindfulness improves our mental, emotional, and physical health. On a mindful moment with Theresa McKee, you can learn how to practice mindfulness and enjoy its many benefits. Tune in for guided meditations

and to hear tips and advice from some of the most respected experts in the fields of mental health and mindfulness. The world truly can be a better place. It all starts with a mindful moment.