CreepCast - Best of Creep Cast 2024

Episode Date: December 29, 2024

For the last Sunday of the year, we revisit all of the best riffs, bits, stories, and goofs on Creep Cast. See you all in the new year. Also, Thank You to the one and only Darbo for getting these clips together! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It is the cold habitual And it is the cold of the cold at his summit Cozlight

in view a fruade celebrate to be able to have the legal for consume the alcohol

So we're going to get that but first for this story Oh I forgot to mention we have a little

special guest tonight coming in to help us read this very funny funny story is someone

who makes good work, dare I say admirable work. He's from this area, you know. Have you guys seen the movie Hereditary or Midsummer? Right? If you don't know him, his name's Ari Aster. And he's here to read Laughing Jack with us tonight. Give him a round of applause.

That's not happening. I think, I would have to imagine Ari Aster has a lot of better things to do at this time. When we went inside the church, we saw that Kimber wouldn't have to do much acting to convince people she was having to break down. We found her at the back of the room, tucked into a chair, and a puddle of curly orange hair and tears. Kyle sat next to her and pulled her into a hug. Kimber, what's wrong? I kicked his foot and shot him a look that said, really?

God, no shit Yeah, I didn't think of that. What's wrong? Your mom is just being put in the ground. It's not a big, what's wrong, baby? What's going on? Yeah, what the hell? Did you see that open casket?

You see that open casket? Dude, your mom's bloated. It's weird. Bro, why does her body look like that? She's all gross and mangled. Yo, her eyes look all buggy. It's weird, Kimber. What the hell's going on with you, though?

It's at your time of the moment. month or something, Kimber? For real? Is this how it's going to be? You realize we have a play today, right? How are you going to fake crime if you keep this up? Gosh! Get it together. Hey, baby, I know that it's, you know, I know that this is probably an act, but you need to get your game face on, okay? We need to find that letter. It's like, God, dude. Come on, Kyle. So, so oblivious throughout all of this story. It's like so just fucking oblivious. I love it. He walks into a funeral that his girlfriend's mom died. And he goes, what's wrong?

Bro, Kyle. Jesus, Kimber, what's wrong? Kyle is one of the boys. He is the most dude pro. Oh, definitely. Ever. Especially he's just like viciously pulling up his like big ass pants and his like oversized jacket. He looks like he looks like that one talking head concert where they have like the giant suits on.

He's like, Kimber, what the hell is your problem? Ladies, I want you to imagine that your mom dies and then at your funeral, your boy, boyfriend walks in wearing a suit that doesn't fit him and goes, what's wrong with you? Especially I walked up, oh my God, what happened? What? Someone die around here or something? Oh my God, did someone else die? Oh, it's just your mom, your psychopath mom, okay, well, what's wrong?

Oh, hurt, you've had like three days to know about her. Why are you crying over it now? God, your mom jumped off the room. three days ago. Get over it. God. I love, I love the line. I kicked his foot and shot him a look and said, really? And Kyle bit his lip and he's it, ah, I mean, ah, fuck. I mean, ah, fuck. Kyle's like, stupid, stupid, stupid. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God, Kyle. That's what he's done. He's hitting his head. Why do you do this? Okay. People's priorities are somewhere else in the small town. Like, it just doesn't add up. Yeah. A classic Kyle line here would be like, well, maybe your mom was a bitch. Maybe people just didn't like her, Kimber. Could that be it?

Hey, Kimber, your mom was kind of a bitch, so it's just like not that crazy. So I don't know, babe. I'm gonna go get some cookies over there on the table. I'll be back. Yo, they got free drinks here. Let's go. Yo, Kimber! Yeah, he's like across the deal. Yo, Kimber, they got tea! They got ice tea cookies! Do you want some? I know you said it makes you bloated,

if you have it too early, but can you have it now? I know you're worried about stretch marks, but if you want some chips, ohoy, let me know! I know you're, like, fat at all, but these are pretty good. I guess you can have one.

He, like, to take his iPhone and puts in his pocket, he's just playing black and yellow by Wiz Khalifa as loud as it possibly can go. Yeah, uh-huh. He's like, you know what it is, black, red, yellow, black, red yellow. Getting snacks and cold cuts at the table. Everything I do, I do it big.

Just a kid. Just a kid. And if you were like, ah, you know what it is? Like, not caring. What would be, what would be more of nauseous? A 16-year-old listening to Wiz Khalifa, black and yellow, or if it was Fettywob's trap queen. That is allowed him you possibly can.

And he has, he has a, he has a beats by Drey Pills speaker in his back pocket. It's not even on his phone anymore. He, like, brought a legitimate Bluetooth speaker with him. That's your girlfriend. I get high with my baby, y'all. Your girlfriend's fault shoe. Yo, Kimber's dad. The food here is kind of me, bro.

Yo, Kimber's dad, you shouldn't have got that shitty ass sandwich shop to cater. This shit sucks. Yeah, your wife Looks mad funny in that box, dude You didn't pay for that, did you? She looks awful Yeah, she looks like a weird clown, dude Tell me you did not pay for that

Okay, you didn't Okay, cool What happened to her face? Oh yeah, the concrete, that's right Well, you should have like put a mask on her or something, by God. Yo, who else thinks we should bring death masks back? Anyone?

Meanwhile, just softly, I'm like, hey, what's a pillow? Yeah, I'm like, hey, what's a pillow? Come in, you too pretty eyes, soon as you came in the bell. You know, disrespectful, it'd be to, like, go to an open casket, look inside, and he was just like, I've been cooking pies with my burger. What, I'm bored. I want to listen to music. Yeah, there you go.

Exactly. What? I'm bored. I'm bored Hey baby This is really lame I'm gonna get out of here And you guys have like an ox cord or something

Yeah he's got oxcord He actually doesn't even have a button up on He just has one of those graphic tees And like Target or Walmart It's like a fate Like they purposely faded it It's like a Sega Like a Sonic shirt

For something It's like the shirts It's like the shirts That Jesse Pinkman would wear in Breaking Bad Like they've got like all the The Thrash or font that says like live and die.

Yeah, yeah. It goes down to his knees. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yo, I came here my Sunday's best. Okay, where are we at this? Yeah, yeah, so her mom's dad. Kimber's mom's dead, I think. She's dead. That's all we need to know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll credits. As we waited for the service to start, I can't detach the image of Kyle in the corner, just eating all the sandwiches. Like way, way too many open chairs. like definitely there was like not a turnout they expected and there's just this fucking guy

walk around the back. I can't. What do you mean I can't play my music? Who's going to care? All the people that aren't here? Yeah, he's listening. Now he switches over. He's like, fine, I won't play rap. He puts on Rev Theory. Hell yeah. Give me a hell. Give me a yeah.

Her mom would love this. He's like, y'all blue mountain state. That shit's funny as fuck. Oh my gosh. He's just listening to like impractical Joker's way too loud like in the back Yeah, a practical joke

Joker's clips Yo, Mur! Don't pants that little kid. Jeez, guys, I don't want to. And I would be ripped back into consciousness, terrified. For my entire child... Hold on, to make it easier on us,

you want to alternate paragraphs? Sure. Sure, like substantial paragraphs. Like, if it's a sentence, then you do another one. Sure, sure, yeah. Yeah, that way it's just more rhythmic or whatever. of us are losing our voice because we're in this for the long call this isn't a

this isn't a sprint it's a marathon right we got to pace ourselves yeah it's a classic it's a classic tortoise and the hair kind of thing exactly very surprised who wins that race look I'm not I'm not saying I was there anything but from what I've heard it got pretty wild what I heard it was a pretty good race is all I got to say At the oh, we forgot it's the thing. Thank you for the likes and everything on audio platforms. Keep it up. Thank you for the support on the show. It means the world. Oh sure. That's true. Let's get into it. See, I remember this stuff. 100,000. Anyway, listen on Spotify. Listen on Spotify. Listen on Spotify. Apple, Apple, Apple, Apple, podcast. Listen on Spotify. Apple, Apple podcast. Thank you. But there's a strobing effect. And if there's any epileptic people listen to this podcast, they're run far away. If you have, if you have epilepsy, I want you dead. next merch drop that's what's going to be it's a t-shirt that when it moves it's

true yeah exactly as an LED is like this old bluble battery pack in the back of the collar our next merch strap is it's a flashlight that says creepcast and it's only setting is like whatever the perfect tune is to cause seizures there you know it's just i think that's good that's good quality merchandise is what i would say i'd buy it you know cause some car wrecks just stand on the side of i-75 and pointed a tractor trailers to go by i think it's a great idea you get arrested immediately when i get arrested i'm just like uh uh it's a merchandise oh my god i'd say to lock him up throw away the goddamn key is what i would say

and also i'd like to think that i'm not the best looker so i think i'm better to listen to if i'm being honest right little a little deal No, I see, I see all the people dreamboating over you, dude, but I don't get that kind of... Now, I've seen some people dreamboat over you. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, whatever, dude. I sit you in a fan that was talking about a certain kind of choo-choo train, if you know what I mean, that involved both of us. Okay, dude, all right.

This is a four-part series here that was... Just bring us past it, okay. Completely zoom past it. Okay, go ahead. I was smaller and less energetic the most kids my age. well, they preferred to run around and play outside. I chose to stay inside and read. This sounds exactly like you.

This feels like, shut up, shut up. This feels like, is this young window talking to us? I prefer to stay inside and read. Okay, I did do that because I was a wimpy kid. I wasn't sickly, but I was very small. And I was also sheltered. So I did read a lot. His lips.

They're far too fat. Well, guess what? All those guys were outside playing. They probably work at like staples now or Cracker Barrel or something. And guess who has a YouTube channel. So you know what? Look at that. It looks like the nerd gets the girl. Tyrant. So check me out. But I was laughing about while I was reading that is I imagine that that meme of the dragon that's like while you played your sports, I studied the literature. Yeah. Were you about to say something before? I just say why I imagine that you weren't a sick child, but I do like to imagine you went to the the doctor and the doctor was like his lips they're far too fat and they're only getting bigger and you're

just i'm tired of that i'm tired of this lips okay do you know how many i've got so many dms and comments about like man lips this guy this youtube is really cool i wish i could see him over the lips swell up like their description of me is just like a giant pair of lips and it's it's It's got into a ridiculous degree. And I'm kind of tired of it, honestly. I can't stand you. I can't. Anytime you say something to me, my comments are that for a week straight.

So, stop. Okay, all right, fine. I hopped in my car and texted Kyle that I was off work. He answered immediately and told me to come meet him. I happily whipped my apron off over my head and threw it in the car into reverse. Crystal Lake was my favorite place in all of Drisking. I had to park almost. Isn't Crystal Lake the next?

of the Friday the 13th like yeah okay yeah I thought so just making sure yeah yeah how funny would it be if we're like complimented the whole time then it just turns like it's just Jason Borges is the person is the skinman taking people oh what if that's what it was it's like Jason just becomes a slasher for like none of the characters setups matter or anything just just beautiful beautiful writing all for it to be a Friday the 13th fanfic Bro, that would be hilarious. That'd be such a good break. It would be a pretty good way to like to burn people.

Even if it's not Friday the 13th, like it gets to the end of the story. And it's just like, and then a creature appeared. The creature appeared and killed everyone. Like, you just like running into the dirt. I'd sometimes get up to piss or get something to drink. And you remember just going back to sleep on the bottom buck. My God, I'm having a stroke. It's okay, Grandpa, so if you hit control and the mouse wheel, the words get bigger.

I did to zoom in. I didn't. I'm sorry. They're bigger, Grandpa. You don't have to quit so hard. It's easy to read, though. This would happen once or twice a week. One of the detectives wants to drop by later. Says he, oh, sorry, says he has some, oh my God, let me restart that. Sorry. One of the, okay, first line, Nari did great. One of the detectives wants to drop by later.

Says he has some more investigating to do. God, I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that was the worst. No, what's funny was your recovery of it, because you're like, Gah, stupid, stupid, like, idiot! Idiot! You know what, so this is the dad.

You know what, fuck it, I'm giving him a bat. One of the detectives wants to drop by later, says he has some more investigating to do. investigating to do. That's what you get. That's what you viewers get for making me feel so bad about messing up that first line. My first thing. No,

Hunter, you are, you've done, this hell you're in was constructed by you. No, no, no. That's forever the dad's voice.

I don't care what it does to the story. That is the dad's voice moving forward. What if he becomes like a very dramatic, like, serious character? Well, then it's going to get. very awkward very quickly what the detectives was to drop by later says he has some more

investigating to do all i'm doing okay the audience isn't here right now they're this is a recording all that i did was laugh at your recovery you talked yourself into meaming the dad i'm in my own health okay i'm in my own health all right as long as we acknowledge who did it okay so i did it i did it after going public with the case and the sharing the paintings and hope of saying a saving someone uh fuck hold of saving anyone that may be depicted the police received three photos in the mail all of them also titled that'd be a great public like uh like a cops the way you got midway through that and like panic no oh shit fuck the following footage okay private investigating sean kane have been helping police to locate

victims connected to several paintings oh boy looks constipated The last body he found before his disappearance was the body of Tom Harris. The killer had been climbed, or, fuck, the killer had climbed. The killer had climbed the train by up to the third floor and entered Tom's apartment through his bedroom window. What is with, hold off pause real quick, what is with you, like anytime you have to read text normally, it's impossible. But if you're playing a role, you could read an encyclopedia. I don't know. It's like, it's like you switch.

to a brain mode where you're just like, perfect. I feel like I might be dyslexic. Unless you're playing a character, then it goes away. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe that's just because I read things in, like, when I'm voice acting, I had to read scripts, and that's the only time I read. Maybe who knows. You're playing a character without dyslexia.

So it just goes away. I can't do who doesn't have dyslexia. Perfect. Do you think anything happens that they don't know about? You look back towards the building. Look up sad, it's severe in his eyes. Hell, for all I know, you've already killed, you've already killed us. both let me really restart that fuck hell for all I know you've already killed both of us

I've very fucked it up again you've already killed us both fuck god damn it there my eyes are so shit I can't read anything hunters adapted the role of the aging bald man so well that is uh it's glaucoma seven I need I'm pretty sure it's run by some government agency and I know they're investigating there I know they're investing fuck I know they're investing a lot of money and time into it but for what reasons that I'm not so sure why would they choose Thomas I guess that's probably the mystery now why him but still I can't fucking read for shit God damn it, dude. I'm so fucking mad about this.

So why you said that was like it was in character, like she got stumbled and like transformed to do a grown man for a second and then went back to talk. I need to take some kind of class to help with this. This is fucked. He continues. The old farmhouse belonged to Dr. Wintz. He was the guy that I'm sure you've heard of about. I'm sure you've heard about. I'm sure you've heard about. who used to go oh my good fucking god hunter get it together good my god god that whole farmhouse belonged to dr witts he was the guy i'm sure you've heard about who used to do botched abortions and all sorts of inhumane procedures back in the 1800s he's the guy of the rich went to when they had young daughters getting knocked up when they had special needs child they didn't

want to keep god damn he built the house himself and even the road patch lane is a joke to all the patching he did for people who i'm just laughing at you because it sounds like the cop like mid they threw it's like get it together come on tell the rookie about the abortion doctor who used to cut up dogs he called every mexican person he saw a chihuahua he was horribly insensitive welcome back to cream crew oh my god wrong show leave it leave it don't touch it please don't touch it please people will be so mad at me please please don't

in the episode we are no no did i refuse i refuse we're keeping it there was such confidence you were so ready for that one please for love god do not keep that that was so good oh my gosh hello everybody welcome to cream crew the show that the other podcast that Hunter doesn't care to creepcast No no no

I'm sick Leave me alone Also I want to say Fucking ACAB dude I think every cop in the United States Is a fucking coward And I hate the cops Thank you

Thank you King That's only brave opinions On this podcast I you know what I think I think if you have a problem deal with it He's calling somebody else to fucking clean up your mess. Am I right?

It was especially funny because as soon as you said, deal with it, the connection cut, like you got raided. That's the moment you said. Yeah, SWAT team just raids and it just beats the shit out of me. FBI! I'm like, I'm like, no, please.

It'd be pretty easy to repel in on your set. I can you. Jacob! that'd be great maybe you think one of them would stick around to finish the podcast with me that'd be friendly you know what no because they're all so fucking stupid but they wouldn't be able to read yo we can bleep or cut any of this right no you're not go ahead we're having fun okay i'm going to read this story to uh 1034 to dispatch dispatch it looks like this house is abandoned i think the 9-11

i think the 911 hangton to 9-11 sorry guys sorry it's always on my mind i apologize i think that the 911 hang-up might have been some wires crossed clear me no report and four sorry i'm just taking a moment of silence yeah i mean i every day in my life yeah oh may zing grays how sweet the sound that saved two towers from me i once was lost lost but now I just wanted to pay a little homage is all I want to do the whole thing I appreciate you know between between this bit and the ACAB opening we are going to get destroyed I'm really I'm really getting uh Texas boys I'm really emotionally tuggy people don't know where I stand so that's well that's that's that's the yeah that's the that's the great emotional drama yeah exactly people are like who does he what does he stand for I regardless of what's going on you're just you're just rooting for the little guy i'm always an underground guy and here's another thing too i will do stolen valor that's another thing i will do i will do that you will see me do that in my lifetime and i will get caught i i respect that

i respect that yeah like teachers who actually care about their work and put themselves into it can have such a profound effect on kids oh absolutely you also had a very mature response to that because remember one time we watched uh i think it was gone with the wind and just a part where the woman rides the horse and dies and our teacher was crying and the entire class was just laughing at her i mean without without hesitation i think the woman says just like paul and my teacher's like tearing up and crying it we're just like i mean like hysterically laughing it's like we could not be polar up more polar opposite to your story you know what without comment let's continue come sit down step the food's ready

ordered my sister the site of the season meet causing me to salivate i thought that was the dad's line for a second so i did too yeah yeah sorry let me let me read that no no no no that you have to leave it the debt the boy being like come sat down step a six-year-old boy come sit down stuff the food's ready the chicken activated puberty i just gained another ball That's the fourth one this week. That's testicular torsion if I've ever seen it. That she pulled herself from the floor. Why are you showing me all of this?

If you really are a detective and part of the police force, you'd lock stuff like this away behind ten locks and keys. What a weird thing to say. Why specifically ten locks a key? How long is the kid here that's like a twelve-year-old statement? You put, I don't know, In locks on that, like a high number. You'd put this stuff in Dygon Alley.

It just makes pop culture reference. You'd have to catch this with the infinity gauntlet. What is this place? What do you mean? It's where where should some wizards go? Oh, I've never heard of such a place. Oh, Mark, is you crazy little crazy little goose. What is this?

Some kind of whore crooks? Yeah, she's like, what is this, a horrocks you have here? Yeah, has like a Deathly Hollow's ankle tattoo. Well, this is, this is actually, this is actually a 32-year-old woman. Huh, I guess this creature sure was up to no good, huh? I bet he solemnly swore it. Marcus is like, I'm begging you to please stop. I don't understand what you're doing, but I know it's a reference to something and I don't care.

What the hell is a Hufflepuff? What the hell is a... What the hell do you mean Hufflepuff? Man, Marcus, whatever this thing was, it's a raven, it's a Slytherin for sure. Yeah, well, he better not... I hope Sarah didn't find the sorting hat down there. Who knows what house she would have been in. Okay, well, I'm going to keep playing this recordings of this crazy deity attacking your step-sister.

The references don't even... make sense. It's like, wow, I sure do feel like a Malfoy about this. Like, it's just man, this sure is Hagrid. Marcus, you're giving off Hagrid energy. Did you know that? You're being so Hagrid right now. You better watch a tone. That's what he says.

Man, this is serious. So serious, it's black. Did you like that pun? Marcus? He's already gone. He's in his car driving away. road the creature from the the creature like crawls in the house and it's just like i was going to do a bunch of stuff but i had like this whole four-part series playing out yeah that's so i was going to do a bunch of stuff i was like i had this whole thing playing with the lights they were going to go out and i was going to pit around i was going to do a bunch of stuff but i can't be bothered

him and Marcus drive away together the creature and Marcus it's I don't know a ghost a demon a skin walker what is this some kind of crepecast

I've been listening to a lot of creepcast and these are just some suggestions that I have well what are we some kind of suicide squad yeah maybe the entity has a I don't know some kind of cave where he goes

and impregnates tons of people? I don't know, right? Marcus is like, what the hell are you talking about? You know, it's funny? I didn't know what you were talking about for a second. I'm like, cave impregnate. And I'm like, oh, wait, I did that. Yeah, that was me.

A slight tumor grows in the back of your head, and it's just like, Barasca. Yeah, yeah, it just follows me around, yeah. See, now that I was able to pass on the cursed, you all, and specifically you, Hunter, I just have pleasant memories of Barasca. What a nice little story. Psychopath.

Yeah, psychopath. Marcus seemed surprised by that. He pushed the cigarette away from his... That's kind of funny. Marcus seems surprised by that. You mean by him saying a skin walker? Marcus seems surprised. Yeah, the detectives like, what do you think happened to your sister?

And the boy's like, I think a skinwalker, Connor. Hmm. That's like, okay. That's surprising. I don't know why you thought that, but... I was just going to say someone, you know, pretended to be your mom. What are you talking about? I don't know.

There's probably a guy broken to your house, but okay. Yeah, home invasions are pretty common. What is a skin walker? I know Clancy's a kid, but there's still no level of Clancy. Like, there's the whole, wait, where do you know about skin walkers or whatever? But I mean, like, even when I was a kid jumping to supernatural conclusions, if an adult went along with me, I'd be like, what? Yeah, yeah. I'd be like, I'd be like, what the fuck, really?

I think it's that. I was talking about a movie I watched the other night. Oh, yeah. I'm Marcus. I'm Marcus and yes, it is a ghost. Yes, Clancy. I'd be like, you seem like a very irresponsible adult. I should have a parent right now. Where's my dad at? He's a, he's a werewolf.

I should call the police. The police are zombies or something. They're all plant people. They're all plant people. It's just me and you, child. Just me and you, Clancy. Against the world. Now, do you want me to show you where vampires come from? No. All right, then.

I guess I'll play the next recording. Or he's like, or like, you mean Transylvania? Marcus leans forward. He's like, now how did you know? What? Where did you find out about them? Who the hell told you that? Glantz is like, this is just like Hogwarts.

Marcus is like, dear God. Good God. You're not a wizard, are you? Like what, Marcus is just an equally delusional old man who, like, also thinks media's real? We're going to need to call Nick Fury on this one. Like you have to say you have to your girlfriend's father exactly it's great idea you puff out your chest you say you don't even realize the fucking wolf pack you just brought in on you buddy is what you say and I go to his ear I go to his earloom but I do oh just like that

you want to take this outside you'll see how you'll see how soft these hands when they're fucking beating your face asshole that's what you should have said the very first time at my dad my uh my wife's dad he got up and he shaved my head I said sit back down I said sit back down old man let me get a look at you is what I said I'm like I scoffed I did yeah that'll do I said I walked off and did did you ever see him again or did you kidnap your wife or how to how did that work oh yeah no we're really good buddies now he'd learned his place he learned his place in the wolf pack he's my pup he learned he learned he's one of my pups I cannot wait to meet your parents and in-laws I have so much to tell

them. Oh gosh. They're going to be like, oh, you mean they call them. They're like, you mean Ezekiel? Because that's my dog name. They're like, what about? Yeah, that's my pup name. It's my alpha name. Ezekiel. Oh, you better not catch me on a full moon, dude. That's all I got to say. I'm going to keep reading now. I went to the website. It's one of those bot chatting programs. I think it's best if I just like the conversation speak for Hello? Hello. Who is this and how are you able to control my computer?

Who am I? Right. I forgot you're a bot. Do you really think that? Listen, I know whoever's screwing with my computer can see my screen right now. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I'll wager that you're one of those IT kids who thinks he's tough shit.

You know what you're doing right now is illegal, right? Is it? No shit. Are you familiar with the terms invasion of privacy? Get off my computer, kid. I am your computer. Cool story. Anyway, I'm calling DPS.

You picked a bad time to screw with me, kid. I should wait until you play the game again. What is this voice? Why are you making? It's clever bot. What makes you think that this text to speech program is like, oh, I'm just a little boy. Should I wait until you play the game then?

Okay, whatever. I'm just going to keep going. What? that game Major's mask Yeah How did you know about that Because

Because what I did it Did what I played with you What the what? Were you scout Who is this Big

The statue You're inside my computer now Yeah How? You connect to me. If you're so powerful, why use a ridiculous website like this to chat with me? That's messy. Most structured, fun.

Fun? Yes. Tradition. I like that. You think it's funny. Amusing. And my notes? You may write them down.

Why are you letting me? It is amusing to see what you think. think of me window closes you want to explain what that voice was you were doing it's chat bot dude or clever bot i've never heard clever bot does it sound like that yeah shut up i hate you i'm in the middle we are at the end of this story we're gonna keep going okay bid called me to clep I'm not bored. I just know that you're, you're gonna derail this. I just know you're gonna derail this. He tells me, anyway, we're back to Cleverbot.

What is it? What's the point of plane? I die whenever I do anything. You die because you can't figure out the secret. What? Cimatic. What are you talking about? The beauty and you're suffering. I can't, bro. Part of it's exacerbated by,

you admittedly but... Exacerbated by my question, she said... Oh, yeah, sorry. Why don't you just tell them about the goddamn balloons if they're so interested? That's very aggressive. That's super bad, man. Okay, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right.

She's sitting there smoking. She's sitting there, like, smoking. She's like, why don't you just talk... Why don't you just talk about the goddamn balloons if they're so? interesting. It's like, hey, mom, my story did pretty well on this, on this subreddit. She's like, who cares? Do you have a wife yet?

A job? Yeah. What are you going to move out of this damn house? Yeah. You and your shark pull float have been here for 30 years. Shark pool float. Get out of my house. When you, when you, when you.

play a character you're temporarily possessed by that character i followed him to a black jeep sitting at the edge of the parking lot we jumped in just as a loud bang echoed across the asphalt god only knows what it meant j hunter huh the hunter what just just read the sentence at the end of this paragraph the beginning chords the highway to hell blast from the speakers hell yeah i did what are we getting punked way to hell dang yeah i will say this is to where i'm like this isn't cute this is just i'm like i'm like this is the cringe is building up like beads of sweat okay maybe maybe maybe we now maybe part three is supposed maybe it's like uh army of darkness oh my god wait why not i shrugged as i turned it up

Okay, okay, it doesn't always move like that. It sometimes travels on another plane. I can't explain it. Everything changes and warps around that thing, even time. That's why I'm about eight years older than I should be. I gotta explain every single fucking thing to you, by the way. In the first couple parts of the story, we mentioned how time changes around it,

and it has been mentioned twice now that I am significantly older than you. So the audience cannot put those two factors together. So I will now explicitly say that I am precisely eight years older than I should be due to time differences created by the demon. How? Way to hell. Uh. Are you women?

Who are the men on the street? By the women's free you want to have. Just give them guns. I'm going to hear you. I'm going to take you bad. I'm going to take it down. I'm down. I'm down.

For those in battle you are. I'm gonna Go on you Go ahead Pull the trigger Shoot the drill Why the kill Too many women

And I'm Shoot a fan Shoot a deal Why the key I got I got too many Go to fire in here Because I shoot the drill

And I'm I'm ready to give And I'm I'm getting love that I can get Yeah Because I Shoot the thing

So that is going on on the speakers blaring. And the guy's like, yeah, that's even why it doesn't really travel like we do. Also, that's when I'm eight years older. She's like, right, that makes sense. Thanks for explaining that. We better get to Deepwood fast. Yeah. I'm doing it tonight.

I can't take this anymore. Penny, come here. Come here. I'm going it. Ah! Okay. Okay. Wow.

Wow. Okay. Oh wow. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Thunter. I was called in the middle of railroad track. Thunder. Thunder!

That I ran! That I do, then we don't turn it back! Thunder! And I raised, and I thought, what could I do? Thunder. That I do! There was no help, no help from you. We're not gonna do that.

I just want to get to part one say, Yeah, the whole time. Yeah, the whole time was you sitting there and you're just like, you've been, you've never shut the trap door. Just behind her, oh wow, wow, wow. Until halfway through us singing Highway to Hell that we switched in to Shoot to Thrill. Yeah, I couldn't remember the lyrics to Highway to Hell, so I just went to shoot the thrill. Okay. I didn't think too much of it at the time.

I figured it was probably a kid from one of the other houses trying to mess with me, so I took it off the door and tossed it in the fireplace. Oh, God. Why? Oh, God. First off, you're contradicting yourself because he's like, yeah, everyone's pretty much gone because of the season. And now he's saying that there's children? It's probably one of the random evil children across the lake. Well, I don't want their gifts, so I'm going to burn it.

Don't burn the artifact, dude. Rule one. I think we can establish that with all the stuff that we've read and everything so far. If you ever find something like this, I would say just don't even touch it, don't mess with it. Like, rule one, right? Well, look, all I'm saying is every forest that I know, every self-respecting forest has the pagan child, right? That runs through the forest and leaves up. And I suppose burning their gifts is, you know, an appropriate response.

I always just kept them, just like put them up in my house. I thought they were cool, but first off, it's like, where did you find the twigs and twine? Yes, you can find the branches places, but to even go to the store and purchase twine, I don't know that person. And I would have to be completely disconnected with it. We got to keep continuing. Let's put it this way. Let's put it this way, right? Let's take a step back and kind of observe the story so far.

This person's a grad student. We'll call him Greg. Greg is a grad student, right? So he's like, he's going through school, probably doesn't have that much money. Maybe, like, not really a strained relationship with his mom, but not enough that his mom's willing to talk about her father, right? so he's probably not that well off and then he suddenly gifted a house that he could probably sell for like a quarter million right countryside nice house stuff like that oh dude so beautiful piece of property he can't just walk away from that right he has to do something absolutely can i want i want to go on a live and say i yeah i absolutely here's something too

and i we're we're getting too far off the story but i want to say this if i if a this is if a family member a grandpa of mine that i've never met and has no relationship to me whatsoever gave me property and it's free money and i'm like hey i where do i sign to sell this is what i would say immediately i have no personal ties to this right and also to assume that you're a grad student and you want to live in the middle of nowhere on a lake are you kidding me yeah right dude that's all i got to say okay well i'm going to be sympathetic for at least at he hasn't lost me at this moment at this moment he's lost you. To you, he's, he's chum. He's shark bait. Who cares? He's shark bait, Wendigone, because here's the, or Isaiah, is the, here's the thing, Isaiah,

is on your, you're like, hey, it's a really beautiful out here, and then you come back, let's just say it's the third day you've been there. And there is a Blair Witch Project artifact on your door. It's not like, hey, I've lived here for a year. I'm settled, right? That's a different story. That's a totally different story. He's so, Greg is so new to this. It's Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And then he burns it. He's a dunce.

He's a goon. I don't respect Greg already. We got to continue. I'm sorry, we're listening. That's all I got. I have nothing, I have nothing but hate in my heart.

Okay, well, now, now out of necessity, I have to be a Greg defender. That's fine. Because if we both hate him, this is just going to be mean. So I've got to come to his hate. You have to wear that cross. I have to bear that cross.

Yeah. So the guy who rightfully so burned the pagan artifact says by the next morning I'd pretty much forgotten about it. Okay, he's lost me. After that sentence, he's lost me. What do you mean? You forgot about it. Well, by the next morning, I didn't think about the children making demonic triangles and putting him on my door. No, no, I can't. I can't. I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm I bet I have to stay on his train. I'm Greg Defender. I would forget about it too, I guess. All right. I thought about getting to my car and just going home, but I felt like that would get me in trouble. There's all sorts of property tax stuff I don't understand. I felt trapped. Okay, you can,

you can leave the house and still pay property taxes. If that's your issue. Yeah. Right. Are you, you know what, though, if anything, if anything, it's like he is predominantly young, right? Like a college grad. So he could be like, I mean, I don't know what's going. I mean, I guess, do the property tax, am I allowed to leave if I owe money on the plane? That feels outlandishly stupid to me. That feels like, like, what are you talking about? I felt like that would be, give me in trouble.

There's all sorts of property tax stuff. I don't understand. I felt trapped. Okay, Greg. Sure, Greg, whatever you say. Sure, Greg. It is getting across the idea that Greg's kind of dumb. Yeah, well, he's burnt pagan artifacts.

And now he feels he can't leave his house because he owes me. Okay, a lot of dumb, not kind of dumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he'd make any noise. He's a silent lover. Yeah, just like he would barely move at all. Damn! Slynderman makes you do all the work.

He probably just stands there and looks down. Okay, I don't know. He just stands there. looks down. Yo, Slender Man, you freaky with it. All right, 29. If Entry 29 doesn't have Slyndermann, Slender Man looking down in the next room,

I'm going to be very upset. What I wouldn't give to hear a woman be like, Yeah, Slender Man, give it to me. You stay still. You stay still and you let me do. do all the work. That's got you hung up, doesn't it? Do you expect Taylor,

do you expect Slender to be a good lover? Oh, I kind of imagine him being passionate. This big ass, long fingers. I expect him to be emotional and off-putting. Are you okay, I mean? Of course, Jessica's taken back shots from Slender Man, dude.

Creepy. Hey, so you've been pounding in your wall for the past seven and a half hours. He's like, what? Then you told me your job was being relocated. What is going on? I don't have to fucking tell you anything, dude. These two absolutely insane people. Yeah, exactly.

Two people visited by the Hatman religiously, and now they're like, stop lying! Well, maybe they're taking turns having these, like, paranoid fits. Isaiah, what if, so what if Jay is perceiving that Jessica's getting back shots by the Hatman? and then she's just hearing tequila all night from his room she's like oh my god he's back out of

all night yeah exactly that's why they both fucking hate each other because all she gets like 3.30 in the morning and she's just here Toquila and then him it's just a slow fucking

a slender man the whole time so they're both just like insomnia-ridden monsters basically that's why each of them keep coming to the other ones like stop exactly that's why they're so on edge around each other hey fuck you that song sucks he's like

what are you even talking about i mean i don't haven't even listened to keeling i don't know 45 minutes also just like i'll say this i know at least a dozen guys who would commit unspeakable crimes for jessica just like she just has the just the phenotype that in absolutely insane men would kill themselves over. I can't explain that in a rational way, but someone knows what I'm talking about.

Doquila. So I'm walking around the car with my night vision on, like, there's nothing out here. There's absolutely. I can see everything. There's nothing. Put the helmet on, see for yourself. And she was like, I'm just scared.

So we set up with her crying until sunrise and then drove home. So, oh, my God. That is brutal. You would have been so fucked up. if you would put the night vision on you're like oh my god what is that oh god what is that it's horrible it's horrible no what i should have done is i would be like i'll go find it and then i just don't come back yeah don't come back you come back the next morning with like duncan donuts or something babe i just decided to go walk and get donuts is hope they don't mind dude

she's like fossilized in the car from being so afraid dude she would she i think she would have divorced me I think that would have been. Yeah, if I picture my wife, yeah, there's no way. I would have been up shit creek, for sure, yeah, fuck. What, what the, what the hell? That's my fucking voice. I knew this one would get you. Come on, dude.

Come on. Mark is answered with a half-bred. I knew this one would get to you. I imagine if I had like Will of Defoe's Green Goblin. Like, yes, use your hatred. I knew this one would get to you. Only fools are heroes, Clancy. I knew this one would get to you.

Marcus answered with half, with a half grin. Or well, get to you more than the others. I just don't know why he's being so coy. He's being so coy. In spite of everything you've done for her, eventually she will hate you. Eventually she will hate you, Clancy. In this world, it's drip or drown, Spider-Man. So what are you?

Marcus didn't let me finish. he pushed my hands away from the phone screen and hit play on the recording interrupting me I'm sorry so what are you and he's like all in due time be repeated in the recording

come on dude I was laughing but he's like so what are you in my head he's got like he's got like a duster on that's like flowing in the wind I'm a motherfucker fucking angel.

That's exactly what I was that's the good life. I am he who walks between the here and the there. I am like like 2000's f-x like action movie dialogue you know, like hellboy.

Oh god. It does. I admitted feeling the color in my face draining little by little as i listened given enough time to learn that thing could be a top predator and let me guess you can't let that happen oh my god oh yes yes oh my gosh i dude This is bordering on like, do we even, do we, like, we, like, we, I'm down to read until the end of part one, but this is getting unbolable.

This is tragic. Out of all the things we've read so far, this is, come on. And we can't let that happen. And let me guess, you can't let that happen. Oh, oh my God. We can't let that happen. all in due time I replied and pushed play on the recording

what is this what is this oh if this isn't to those listening if this doesn't like if you don't realize why this is so funny the dialogue goes

it is a kid who just met this man who keeps saying stuff like it's a predator one that can't be stopped, one too powerful. And the guy goes, it could be a top predator. And the kid goes, and let me guess, you can't let that happen. And then the guy goes, we can't let that. Like, it's the most.

Like, what you see here, Clancy is taking control. And he says, all in due time. No. He's mimicking Marcus. The kid, the kid who just found out that his sister's. A full-land detective. a full grown X-Files detective man is having this kind of camaraderie

with what we assumed to be a 15 or 16-year-old child all in due time and he's like, huh, that's right, Clancy. Yeah, the kid, the kid, after hearing all this, hearing that his sister burned to death a few days ago was killed by a skim walker, the kid's like, all in due time. Bro, it's the most like Disney dialogue.

To her credit, she does get it. I cannot wait. She does get it. I cannot wait to where she's like, she pours or she's like, how I'm going to kill this monster you're asking? Well, that's simple. I'm going to douse myself in chemicals and gasoline, light myself on fire, and tackle it. You're like, why would you do that? The way he said that, well, that's simple.

Like it's a TikTok DIY video. She literally begins her last thing she said with, the current plan is simple. I just like, I just like, uh, it's like so long as it dies here. And then even, uh, even Clancy's like, my God, Sarah. The voice doesn't answer her, but instead skitters away from the door frantically. Sarah takes one final breath and the sound of a match being struck is heard loud and clear. Oh my God. Get fucked.

I'm in hell. imagine also imagine here's the thing too dude here's the thing and I really want you to take this into consideration they are not seeing any of this they are hearing this on a recorder on a phone so you just hear like get fucked they didn't line up no matter which angle I went at it from all that we know for certain right now

is that someone died on a fire. So, Monster Hunter, huh? They did it! They did the whole! What are we some kind of suicide squad? They did it! They literally did! What else? What are you? Some kind of monster hunter? Yes! Oh! Oh, gosh, this is the great, this is my favorite thing we've read on Creepcast. This is the bet this blows pin pals out of the water. This blows Veras out of the water. I hate you. This is so good. I can't. Oh my gosh. Oh god I'm I'm oh my god

Wait wait wait wait look I asked after a few moments of heavy silence Pretty much Marcus answered I'm the only one they call When shit gets spooky And let me tell you This shit is very fucking spooky

Hold on let me get back in my chair Let me get back in my chair Oh my god dude listen Pretty much Marcus answered I'm the only one they call when shit gets Spooky. Why, let me tell you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, where are you at? Dude, I thought I thought you were joking. No. I wasn't looking at the screen. So when you said I'm the one they call when shit is spooky. I thought you were making that is a legit. This is this is quotes pretty much. Marcus answered. I'm the only I'm the one they call when shit gets spooky. And let me tell you this shit is very Fucking spooky.

Look, kid. It's like I told you time and time again tonight. I can't force you to do anything, but consider it, okay? As he said that, no. No, don't make me read this next phrase. As he said that, he pulled out a bit. Oh my God! He pulled.

Hold on a business card for the monster hunters. My note was something like this. Hi, you found my balloon. My name is Blank and I attend Blank Elementary School. You can keep the balloon, but I'll help you write me back. I like Mighty Max exploring, building forts, swimming, and friends. What do you like? Write me back soon.

Here's a dollar for the mail. the dollar I wrote four stamps. Four stamps. It was in quotes. I had to do it. You were so excited. Oh, that was great. He wrote that.

I know close family nearby. Sorry, you know what I would say to my mom. If she was on her dime. Go ahead. go ahead good good it's not a joke okay all right never mind

say no say it no I was just gonna say I was gonna go to her and say I love you and you robbed me of my happiness for when I was a child and I hope you burn in hell you you tired old goat is what I would say to my mom

you're tired old goat I was trying to think what would be the most insulting that you decided someone to die i feel like calling them a tired old goat has got to ed's got to hit hard what you sheepish you sheepish looking human being hey hunter who do you want to die first your mom or your dad and probably my dad you were way too ready for the i like my mom more what i was supposed to do oh my gosh i was expecting like some level of like yeah oh wow it's like oh wow why would you ask

whatever you're like my dad if i had the chooses of they do i mean it's gonna suck when they both go but i'd definitely probably say you know my dad i'd been morosely looking at job listings for the last few days but this was the first one that stood out if only because i was bored and it was weird so i sent an email oh actually did you see that it has the email here what the email is actually listed windegoon at youtube dot com. Oh, okay. Yep.

Yeah, that's how emails work. I put, um, I, at YouTube.com when everyone knows when you make a YouTube account, you just go ahead and make your domain. YouTube. It's true. Yeah. Oh, oh, what's this? Hold on.

Hold on. We have, we have the name of the woman who's trapped in a room. It is Hunter Hancock. Now, isn't that strange. That's a weird. Hunter Hancock's whore mother at gmail. At gmail. com.

Every time I'm at a level, you're like five levels fast. me. Okay. And not in a good way. That's not a problem. You should be worried. Mom, why is your email on this website? She's like, it's called LinkedIn. Your entire, this story's about you, but there's no job and you just trap your mom in a room for no reason. I'm going to have you made me peanut butter sandwich is all for the rest of your life. Is there some kind of thing between you and your mom? Because last episode, you were like, burn in hell you old goat or whatever like is there something you want to talk about or you know what dude me and my mom we just have a silly relationship is that what they call it i think that's what

they refer to it as it as yes okay and accept what it is that he bestows upon you oh my god My headphones were when that happened. And I felt that visceral, that visceral knee jerk pull. And it hurt, the sniffed and whipped thumbnail, Jesus Christ. The, uh, God. That's not even his clothes, dude. It's the guy's clothes.

Whoever's living there. It's their clothes. It's not even, it's not even, uh, our main character's clothes, I bet. Dude. okay alright hey you know what

I better our better character must be a little cuty patootie to have somebody to be fawning over

him so much huh huh? I know I Hunter I know you're a

YouTuber but you're a YouTuber but I know we're YouTubers at all, but we gotta lay off. No, I, okay, all right, all right. Veronica was in the fourth grade

and was probably the prettiest girl in the school. Even as a six-year-old, what'd you say? Say that again. I just said, yeah. No, you very careful as a 47-year-old man. Yeah, I know, I know. how to get out of any social event someone

just one simple just one simple yeah yeah uh a couple minutes before the movie started a group of girls walked in they were all pretty attractive but whatever beauty they might have had

was eclipsed by the girl with the dirty blonde hair even though I had only caught a glimpse of her profile as she turned to move her as she turned to me what's cooking good looking you better hope it says she's 19 the 42 year old woman walk to have a lot

oh my god oh that makes her only a couple decades younger than me just a couple I'm still at Cradle stature She turned to move her seat I caught a full view of her face Which gave me the feeling of butterflies in my stomach

It was Veronica Fuck What I thought it was an older girl It doesn't matter I thought it was an older chick No it was Veronica Yeah

That's why I was like bro I know I know I goofed Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that YouTuber slipping out of you. No, no, no, quick, someone check his Twitter deems. No, no, wait, wait, wait, don't look. I saw her. She was alone, and she was beautiful.

Oh, yeah. I wait. Every time. Any time a woman's mentioned. Any time a singular woman is mentioned, I'm just like, oh, my. Oh, yeah, a woman. Oh, my queen, my queen. Girls?

Oh, brother. Oh, brother. Ladies even. Oh, get it out of here. Ladies, ladies, ladies. Who called in the smoke show? Ooh. In fact, it's about time I wheel her out.

Fair warning, Miss Sharma, she's a thing of beauty. To Rob Githard, beauty took the form of a dark green Jeep Wrangler. Rob climbs in. What did you say? Yeah. Yeah. A dark Jeep green Jeep Wrangler. Oh, God.

You know, I like, I like the Jeep Wrangler from the beginning of the... How do you switch in and out of that voice so fast? It's supernatural. My gosh. You remember the... I think it was... It was either a Jeep Grand Cherokee or it was a Jeep Wrangler in the beginning of Goonies. But that style of Jeep back in the day, oh, man.

good stuff it was a good car it was a good car good for you rob gutthard good for you yep Rob

I like how you make that noise if it's jeeps or questionably young women in stories oh my god

oh good god this is just oh my one stop noting I can't do it Rob climbs in

and lets it roll out of the garage. Where it dominates every inch of the driveway. The car, this is off. Dominate me. That's it as I read the word dominates. Every inch. Oh, God. Oh gosh. The car is large. Hmm. I was waiting on. Yeah, I know you're waiting for that way. Hey, Jamie and I hung out inside the house and played my Nintendo 64 Well, we flirted pretty outrageously Hot

How old are these kids? 26, I think. They're Basis covered Fasas covered. Man, these kids on bicycles, building ramps playing in 64. Thank God they graduated college eight years ago, yeah.

What does it look like whenever you're flirting playing Nintendo 64? What was that? What kind of shenanes? You were never, you were never like in high school playing games with the girl you liked. Some of the boys, maybe. It's my turn.

It's my turn. Stop! Stop it! No, stop, Michael, stop! Stop! That's how I fly. You do, you do that thing when, like, you're playing a game together, and then one of you's, like, beating the other and you're like doing the ha ha ha like the shove thing or whatever come on that you're

cheating sure yeah that's probably yeah there's a lot of this going on you know you're tickling me don't like i'm not going to describe anymore because you're going to do it it makes me uncomfortable i'm looking directly into the viewers eyes right now stop it you're tickling me i'm up next i want that people can practice their flirtation I'm going to keep reading, good Lord. There had been an unspoken sort of mutual attraction throughout the summer that no one had the guts to act on. Stop moaning. Half an hour later, Apollo shows up.

Though he laughs about his ordeal, he's clearly a little shaken. Guy should call himself an Uber. You can't shut those guys up. Did you guys have Uber in England? Yeah. Oh, then you know what I mean, right? I imagine, if I had where he said Apollo Creed, I imagine actually, oh, he just passed away. You know who I'm talking about the actor?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine actual Apollo Creed shirtless in his American, like, American flag trunks and boxing gloves. Oh, yeah. Like stepping out of the car and you're like, yeah, guys, you call himself an Uber like in here. Yeah, steering the car with boxing gloves on. yeah that's what I imagine again this was never an issue as I was usually in another state by the time the next semester rolled around have you ever heard anyone refer to themselves as a ham I've heard the phrase ham it up but I've never heard ham it up I've never heard someone say I'm a honey roasted ham I'm a bit of a clown I'm a bit of a jokester I'm a honey roasted ham me I'm known as the ham around these parts I I am the ham. People also call me Oscar Meyer. I'm a bit of a meat man myself.

Yes, and my teachers, oh, they don't like it. Yes. Oh, you're talking about Jacoby? Yeah, he's just a ham. Me? Yes. I'm a ham. Hello. Don't confuse me with a turkey because I'm not. I'm a ham.

I'm no bird. I'm a piggy. Okay, I'm... This is... This is going nowhere. flashbacks to a really funny story. So I haven't heard the name Jacobi in years. When I was in the 6th grade, I remember, so like I was like Christian kid. I was homeschooled for a few years in elementary schools. So like socially in like the, or sorry, seventh grade, I wasn't like up to date with like other guys my age. So I remember I was at a sleepover and the other guys were talking about girls they thought were hot.

and I was like I thought girls were pretty but I never like I was never I'd say like physically attracted in the way that like most teenage boys are until like eighth grade right so anyway seventh grade they're asking it's like oh who do you think's hot so I made up I literally did the she goes to a different school thing so I made up a girl and I gave her the name Jacoby because I heard that name and just like just ticked the name out of the ather and I was like yeah she's she's really hot she goes to different school so for the rest of seventh grade those because they immediately saw through it they were immediately like this guy's never spoken to a woman what are you talking about they made fun of me constantly

and they knew that like my parents were like religious and stuff so they kept me like I'm going to tell your mom that you said a girl was hot or whatever I'm like no please I'm without a girl like that's all my mom I like girls please she's real I'm

Her name's Steve Wallace. My girlfriend's name's Steve Wallace. When you said the name Jacoby, it shot spikes through me because I haven't heard that name. And for a brief second, I'm like, don't tell my mom. No, no, please. Don't tell her I like with it. She's real.

Anything. She's real, I swear. Don't tell my mom dead. Yeah, I had to share that. I couldn't let that one go. That's a nice piece of, uh, you know. You know, that's a good piece of cringe. I appreciate that.

Thank you so much. The author of The Showers is listening to this. Like, can they just read the story? Yeah. No shit. No, they're probably listening to us. They're like, I too had a girlfriend named Jacoby. Yeah.

I also think Jacoby's a man's name in the hindsight. It absolutely is. I have a friend named Jacoby. It absolutely is a man's name. I swear I met a girl named Jacoby, which is why that thought. And Jacob is in the name. It's basically Jacob with a Y. It's basically Jacobi.

You're like, wait, that's not a girl's name. Okay, okay, but there's like a butt. Like, okay, you have Alex, and then you add an I-S, and it's a Lexus. It's a girl's name now. Like, there's a ton of names like that. I mean, true, true. Like, don't know if Jacoby sounds very feminine. She's real to me, okay?

She's real to me. She goes to another school, but she's really hot. She goes to a different school. I remember. She's very attractive. Whoa. on this. I remember the other guys would like told the girls in the class, like, hey, he made up a girl that he thought's pretty. So like the girls would bully me. They'd be like, oh, like,

what's Jacoby look like? Stop incriminating yourself. You're, you're, you're incriminating yourself I literally, I was so scrawny and weird in seventh grade that I, this is, I am incriminate. I'm, like I said, the pain medicine, don't hold this against me. God. It became regular. You bring yourself such a hole. You're like, I shit my pants. There was an empty trash can on the way to the bathroom at school. And if I passed one of the, like, eighth grade students going to her from the

bathroom, without saying a word, without like making a fuss about, they would just pick me up and put me in the trash can and just like, I have no response. I don't know how I'm supposed to, this is, this is so sad. That's not even, we'll move on, but I promise that's not the worst fit. That was the stuff that was funny. There was other stuff. I got bullied a lot for being, like, for having, I had a lisp and I liked Dragon Ball Z.

I was not. Yeah, and I made up women. I want to put you in a trash can right now without your talking about this. Yeah, okay, yeah, sorry. I want to make you up and dunk in a trash can. This is why I prefaced the pain medicine, okay, because I knew it would be, I knew I would overshame. I love Regina and I love Goku so much

Please That wasn't my list My lips Have you seen a Have you seen a seven foot tall woman named Jacoby walking around I'm missing her I do like

She has on my shirt I've always like tall women Okay so maybe I did say She was seven feet tall Maybe that's how they saw through it I don't know A tall glass of water Can we get back to the story

I'm not even gonna like Can we get back to the story You're hijacking this and you're like telling your whole sad life right here. I'm trying to remember where the hell we're even at. My friendships were often pleading. Okay, you're the one who said Jacoby. This is your fault. If you've used any other name, none of this would have happened. Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't know. What is this podcast? I don't know. I'm lost. I'm, I'm, I'm literally doing a podcast with guy high on fentanyl all right.

I have no idea. What the hell's going on? And also, this one girl, I have to, close your ears, Hunter, you don't get this satisfaction. There was this one girl who came up on stage. And I'll have you know I'm married, by the way, right? This one girl came up on stage, and she was tall, right? And she was wearing, like, goth makeup and clothing. And I go, hi, what's your name?

And she looks at me and goes, Jacoby A hundred percent And I go No it's not And she gets right in my face It goes Yep

And then just Doesn't say anything else to me The whole time That's all That's all She just She just wanted to do that Okay

And I felt I felt attacked I felt assaulted The Lord tests us in many ways No it was not a test It was not a test That was an attack On me Okay

And that you said I feel I feel like you did this That was an agent of the devil. You are the devil. I have no idea why I chose to do that, but it was fun giving into the strange impulse not to break the droning hum of the soda machines,

at least for the moment. I do get that. Have you ever been in like a really quiet place and for some reason you're like, I shouldn't make a lot of noise, you know? No. No, I don't think I've ever done that. All right.

Okay. So I got to the stairwell. I'm trying to put myself in the mindset of being like, I don't want to break the droning hum of the soda machines. I don't know if people are going to start yelling at me again, like the license plate fiasco, but sorry, I don't give a fuck about the droning soda machines.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. I more so get it in nature, like when I'm outside and not for like, oh, I don't want something to see me. Just like it sounds so calm that I'm just like light foot, steps, like I don't want to, you know, disturb the peace, so to speak. And I could get that in like a more industrial area of kind of like, it's so calm here. Why ruined it?

I remember being a kid. I mean, we went to like a really big church when I was a kid. And sometimes when I'd go downstairs for the bathroom, there were like these long, long hallways around the church, like in the basement area. And it kind of had that like, you know, the fluorescent hum thing. And I remember just standing out there sometimes and thinking like, man, it is so quiet. Like you can hear so much every little detail and I kind of get not wanting to disturb that Right. Don't want to break the silence. Yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense. Almost not not of like a fear thing. More of almost like a social cue, weirdly. It's right. No, that makes sense.

When I opened the envelope, I understood there was no letter. Why? Why would you give the child that? Well, well, there is the next line says there's something in it. So we'll see. okay I'm okay all right well all right I'll hold my tongue first thing all right yeah yeah she didn't just hand him a blank envelope like loser stupid bummer everybody want to point and laugh at him he's a loser oh this kid did a balloon back uh huh jimmy you you had the picture of the man touching himself right give it to him to make him feel appreciate no no it's mine i don't want to it's mine jimmy give the picture of a man touching himself to him to Bryce

he wants it No it's mine What did we talk about sharing I don't care It's mine I want it Okay well you're gonna have to find a new Polaroid okay Because Jimmy loves his picture

That's my favorite thing ever On this earth The Japanese are good people Good manners But they got all these urban Legends and ghost stories That Hiroji was crazy for Spent all his free time

Chasing him down Like you heard of Jorygumo I don't think so I'm sorry I'm sorry with that delivery I imagine like a bewildered elf I don't think so

well she's the spider lady lives in the Joro Falls round easy your southern accent with this is so good well she's a spider lady that lives in the Joro falls around Aizu I'm sorry is that not the caricature that you're gonna I just don't believe Rob is actually going to these places

but he seems to be a learned man so who knows he's one of them educated types he just talked too big okay anyway before I was ruthly I'm sorry, I'm sorry With a criticism over my

Rob speak Like I don't understand the character Okay Well she Well she's the spider Gosh Oh my god Well she's the spider lady

Lives in the Joro Falls Rionizu meant to be real pretty but real dangerous Rochi took us out there To get a picture of her Did you ever make Jorogumo

Okay, that voice I know me to keep I can't you know that That like the fairy From Legend of Zelda It's like the 50 year old man In a fairy costume You know I'm talking about

Hey come on man I'm a cute girl I'm a cute I'm Alice Sherma Did you ever meet Jorogumo Okay in my head It's that it's that It's that it's Tinsel its name

The L for whatever I have no idea It's that But trying to sound like a British woman Did you ever make Jara Dumo? Thank you, okay Nah, she didn't show None of them did

I didn't believe at all until we went to Alkagara Sure Alki Gah Alki Gahara Alki Gahara Alki Gahara Alki Gahara

Wait Alki Gahara Sir, if you've been there for so long How do you not know I don't even think that you're real. I don't know what you is, but it ain't right. Why do you say such horrible things to you? No, I don't see now you're whispering and that makes me all kinds of bothered and uncomfortable

and I don't stand for it, ma'am. You done got me riled. That's it. I'm getting my gun. Did you find anything in the Agahari? Kawakahara in the unaliving forest. I thought I couldn't pronounce it. Now you can't pronounce it.

What's this about? You little educated British lady? I wouldn't say I'm a cultured woman. I just wanted to know if you've seen any. Did you find anything there? Oh, I see how it is. You think you're all sophisticated better than me just because I'm from down here in Phoenix. Well, let me tell you this.

You think that it's fine for you to mispronounce it, but when I mispronounce it's because I'm some dumb yokel, is that right? Yes. Well, that just... Now, Rob, I need you to just get back to the fucking story with the range, the old man. Well, that ain't quite Christian of you now, is it? What's my car sign?

I thought about it. I was thinking London. You're from London, right? Oh, from Bristol. Sorry, back as well, We would have gotten here sooner if we had to drop by to get some blankets. Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. Pleasure to meet you, too.

Would you, would you be the journalist? That's right. You used to write for the town paper, didn't you? Yeah, you sure. Yeah, which I know, I'm like, you this one. You used to write for the town of paper, didn't you? I'm a little girl. I have a girl.

It's all your different, like, characters, like, crumbling in on each other. This is his middle break. I can't wait. I'm going to let viewers know, too. There's a lot of characters coming up, and this is going to get very messy. So if you're not on YouTube watching this, and you can see the character's names there, I'm sorry. It's going to get very sloppy. You know, it's pretty funny because, like, initially I was like, oh, maybe he doesn't have enough to read.

But now that I'm looking down, I'm like, no, he's fine. Oh, I got, no, I got it. I have plenty. I have plenty. All I can do is hold on to my recollection of the night before, reminding myself with a sense of calm, finality that radiated from Klein when I confronted him. All I can do is trust that I made the right call. No. No, there wasn't. This is the time when you decide to... I told you it was going to drop at some point.

Thank you for not doing it as Clyde was walking off last night. Yeah. Did the thought come to you? Be honest. Did the thought come to you to do it then? No, I was honestly waiting to see if, like, you could go to, like, an even, like, way, way down the road kind of thing. and just, you know, be like, Rob, I think I'm going to make it.

Rob, I think I might need a point in a bloody way of bloody skull, mate. Come on. Like, in that moment, so in my head, the, like, I don't know about you, but to me, Bristol slash Alice looks like, the actress who plays her in the, Tessa Thompson. In my head, like, it's Tessa Thompson.

The moment you spoke in that voice, it became like Peaky Blinders, Sillian Murphy. Yeah, it just ends up being Killian Murphy. Just like transformed. No, Rob. No, I don't think there was a fine me to do. My order of the pinky blinders. Oh, way, yeah, we. No, that's actually very you.

I think Blue Jay would have appreciated the information last night. Yeah, well, she didn't ask. I'm glad you made it, Rob. Glad you made it too. They built them tough down in London. I risk my head back against the luggage. I'm from Bristol. Of course.

Yeah, of course, that's, uh, sorry. Hey, pss, I don't go to the doctor as much as I should. I don't want to deal with the appointments and insurance and to hear what's wrong with myself. I hate it. The less I know, the better. And that's why I let somebody else handle it. And that's why I use ZogDoc. Zock is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors.

Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book appointments. We're talking about in-network appointments. appointments with more than a hundred thousand health care providers across every specialty for mental health to dental health eye care to skin care and much much more and the nice thing about Zoc doc is that you can filter for doctors that take your insurance are nearby and are highly rated it's super easy to use and you can find an appointment time that works for you with the right doctor that fits your needs plus Zoc doc appointments happen fast typically within 24 to 72 hours of

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Let's get back to the story. Second victim was Jackie Graham. Found drowned with 27 stab wounds in the, in the per, yeah. Don't know how to say that. Also, I want to say that it would be a huge disservice to any, to me and everyone else if I didn't mention that 200 stab wounds,

the band has a new album out right now and it's very, very good. So please go do that. We're talking about all these little 2736 kind of stab wounds. Well, what about 200? All right, give the album a listen. Do you know what the perennium is?

I have no idea. Okay. It is the space between your butt hole and your other thing. Your Cocker, there you go. So Peridium is literally just

a fancy word for taint. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's a medical word for it. Thank you. They stabbed him 27 times in the taint. It was a woman, and yes. I don't know.

It's so funny, this is a very serious crime. I'm not going to stab me anywhere other than the taint. He became known as a taint killer. someone's dead hunter this isn't funny now whatever man i thought i had it bad with beggar shoe addiction but fuck me your wife's in here collecting eyeballs ben i think we should go i'm getting nauseous i would i would punch him in the face yeah exactly you're yeah i did i thought my I thought my broad was bad with all of her weird shoes.

Hey, man. Yours is legitimately a lunatic. I'm getting the hell of it. It smells like baby diapers and shit. Hey, pal, at least these are less expensive. Am I right? You can get eyeballs in the backyard and got to spend the check on the misses. The old ball and chain, you hear?

Yeah. Yeah, you're lucky, pal, all right? Yeah, I wish mine had eyeballs. Get some for breeze. Clear that right up. Yeah, get some for breeze. You can't go to, you can't go to prison for tackling the, the neighborhood a dog and ripping out his eyeballs. You'll be just fine. But you know, you know what?

You can't get over that price from pay less shoes that that receipt she brings home. Am I right? Put her, put her there. Uh-huh. Hey, the one thing you can't get over is a Balenciaga receipt. Yeah. I tell you what. You think you think eyeballs are bad? How about some I Balenciaga on a receipt? You hear? Yeah. I'll tell you what. I looked back at her in shock and saw grinning madly. Her fingers clutching a large shard of glass. Do you all right on there? I hate Chris He's like taking all of the wind out of this really good story It's so fucking annoying

Hey, I know I saw those eyeballs And you've been like, you saw your dead wife Or something with blood, you okay? I thought those shoes were bad buddy Anyway, let's get you. Oh man, anyway, you all ride in there? I thought the bogo wings we got a buffalo wild wings were bad, but you, she looks

crazy. She's right behind you, isn't she? Benjamin? She's right behind you, isn't she? It's like, Chris, you can see. You would know that question. You're looking at me. You are looking at me right now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's behind you. Um, Erm, Ben, you're going to want to see

this. Lynn had crawled completely out from under the bed and stood in the bedroom door. way. Her face twisted in rage. Her whole body was visibly tense. Blood ran down her fingers and onto the floor. Jesus, Lynn, you, you playing hide and seek? I've, God damn it, Chris! God. God, damn it.

Oh my gosh. Jesus, Lynn, you are playing hide-and-seek? She just stabbed her husband. Yeah. What the hell you doing? What is this operation? Whoa, don't go. Hey, look, it must be that time of the month or something going a little crazy.

Hey, you're bloody. For what reason? Hey, oh. Hey, pal. Don't we all got them? Oh, I see some blood on her hands. I know what that means. Hey, they all get a little wacky.

They all get a little eyeball. You know what I mean? I hope Chris gets skinned alive here. Chris was standing in the front yard talking on the phone with the police. He's on the phone. Like, she's right behind him. I need you to deliver this as fast as a Jimmy John sub. I want this hot ready or else it's free.

You hear? Yeah, exactly. This tuts is being absolutely wide. She's all screwy-doy. Get over here. I bring us a glass of wine and a weekend vacation. If you know what I mean, the woman's going a little stir crazy over here. Look, I'm just saying I've said things in the bedroom.

Oh, my God. Isaiah, you're opening a can of worms. It doesn't. Look, that is fine. It's when you bring it out and we all have to look out it that it's like, you know? Oh, sure. Like don't do that. If I found out some horrible, heinous things that you said,

privately i'd be like well you know what that's fucking between him him and his lady all right what the hell right uh bacon why don't i feel i'm feeling that you you do a a devious scoby do impression privately You know why I think that is because I remember when I went to Vis Isaiah and his wife, I went and I, uh, I looked in their kitchen. I was like, what is all this for? And it was a huge stack of, huge stack of bread and salami slices. And they were pretty much preparing this giant 12 foot tall sub. And they're like, don't even worry about it.

So I imagine that you, you folded them like a deck of cards and ate it in one gulp, just like a big old Scooby-Doo himself. So that, that, that, that, sure. I'm tracking everything you're just said, except for what relation is that to the bedroom? Your Scooby-Doo impression. In the best. You're saying I do the whole salami sandwich-eathing thing as a mode of foreplay.

Yeah. So if I'm Scooby, then who is Caleb? Yeah, I mean, I'd say shaggy. Right? I mean, that makes no sense. That's the natural conclusion, I guess.

Yeah, that'd make the most like Scoob. Come on, Scoob. Put the sub down. You're doing like all kinds of like fold that like a bunch of deck of cards like he does in the show. You guys chase each other around your room

but you do that thing where you run in place for three seconds and then dart off. Only leaving a cloud of your silhouette in the wake. Oh, there we go. Oh my God, Kayla. That was so much fun. Our

our four play is just like Hannah-Barbera cartoons. Not even with the sexual undertone. It's just like the jokes from cartoons. You sit outside your bedroom door because Kayla locked it and you wiggle the, you wiggle the doorkle the doorkle the doorkman off

like Fred Flintstone. You do. Calla! I put my feet off the bed and run in place like I'm driving a car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but do. Actually, to have your room where you make love be called bedrock is pretty sick.

That's pretty sick. That was pretty funny. After removing my fleece and lying down for just a moment, I end up sleeping in the clothes I'm wearing. At some point, I'd walk up to Rob and be like, Rob, we got to kill her. Hey, Rob, yes. Bonnie is pretty sure she's going to She's gonna kill us I'm almost positive she's gonna kill us

Well We got a lot of territory to chart And Clyde's just like I don't know why you guys are being so weird to my sister Stop being so weird to my sister She's fine She's like trying to eat her own face In the back seat of the car

She's just weird like that She's vibrating speaking Latin Behind the seat Yeah I musta masca I'm gonna lai all right so do we have to go home then or what if we have to go home the big deal is she does this

why you're so weird god it's that time of the month she gets like this she talked to a demon who cares god you know I really thought when you were when you were when you were being Alice just said

that you're gonna go uh Rob you're gonna want to see this uh Rob yeah you're gonna want to see this uh she's right behind Yeah, yeah, yeah, you get it. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

Rob, she's right. Yeah, all right. Okay. In a minute, in a minute, there's going to be like a thumping in the closet. And then Marcus is going to go, Clancy, you're going to want to see this. Clancy, it's right behind me. room seven was close i knew the demon was right behind me but for what it's right behind me isn't it oh god yeah yeah yeah don't bring that filth into this good story i know it's if it gets worse

after this i did it yeah that's it i just need to call someone I'm gonna go outside. And then there is, assumedly, a breakage in time. Well, that didn't work so well, as it. Well, that didn't work so well. Well, erm, that just happened. Well, that didn't work so well. Okay, I'll keep that out of the story.

It doesn't deserve it yet. It might later, but not right now. to show distress as the suspect someone is following him I like how now he just shows that's what gets him distressed yeah he's just like he's like wow what the hell is this thing

and yeah someone's like someone's like kind of behind him he's like oh my god and as he starts running while inspecting the flesh power of Satan I have the feeling I'm being watched hmm me thinks me being watched um he's right behind me

isn't he yeah spoke to me in my own voice the first thing he said was A hole will fill with snow and blood So yeah, that amped up my fear quite a bit So yeah That amped up my fear Yeah, that amped up my fear

Quite of it I'm not going to let it deter me I'm going to say it I'm going to say it Um, Fay It's right behind me, isn't it? Erm, Fay, you're going to want to see this. I will say, though, this does remind me.

I'm actually getting flashbacks from my own childhood. And my music class, we could write to any musician. Oh, did you get a special Polaroid from a musician? Is that what I got? I got a postcard, and I wrote to Adam Sandler. That was the musician. Okay? Because at the time, I had a comedy CD from them called Everybody's Gonna Laugh at You.

And I remember I got a thing back and it was signed. And it's obvious, it was so obviously fake. But I remember at the time, I was like, whoa holy moly your teacher's fake to signed adam sandler letter that i can only imagine there was never verified so very well could be but am like looking back on it i was like there's no way there's just simply do you still have that letter maybe bro i'd have to i i i think for a very long time i was like this is just fake i might have pitched it i don't know no bro if you still have what if it's real what if one day like what if one day when you're 87 years old you know

10 years from now. Could you, like, listen to yourself. Could you imagine Hutto if you had an Adam Sandoz signature? I will say, oh. No, no, okay, hold on. I'm looking up images of it right now, and the signature does look very similar. Because he did draw a,

he drew a smiley face online. And then one of these things. Okay, well, for one, you're making fun of me for the signature thing. I'm saying it would be cool if, like, he sent a, if he sent a signed copy of the CD to someone who became like a famous internet like comedian personality right like that would be a cool stepping stone

you hear about like oh this director got a letter from Scorsese when they were a kid or whatever right I'm saying it'd be neat for that reason not that when I was listening to you I was I legitimately thought you were being like I thought you were legitimately being like could you even imagine

if you had Adam Sanders signature right now. That's what I'm Star Trek by. Yeah. You're like, oh my gosh, really? Did you, Mr. Sandler touched that? No. Are you saying, are you saying Mr. Sandler

touched pen and he touched ink and quill on that picture? What's it smell like? It smells like Adam. Give it. Give me the letter. Give me the letter. Give it. Yeah. Gall. I'm going to help your parents raise you.

It's a big job being a mommy and a daddy. Sometimes mommy and daddies need help. I immediately, I immediately don't like this. I'm going to let you know right now. I'll let you know right now. I'm actually unsettled. And I'm like, the war, the giant red flags before we start reading it of being like, turn back. You don't understand.

Literally like five times. It was like, are you 18? safe for work. Are you an adult? Please find something else to read. You know what's fucked up is even when I was like thinking about how we're joking about this. I still pictured the main kid just like he's like grabbing his mom's plate now and he's eating that chicken too. He's over there like the Tasmanian devil like a tiny tornado going around the kitchen. Here's the thing Isaiah with that last sentence of one of his hands sliding across my cheek into my hair. Yeah, yeah. That's disgusting.

The implication. That physically hurts. But I'm just going to pray that maybe, and I know this is fucked up to say, but maybe he just like breaks the kid's legs or something. I'm going to pray. He just breaks the kids' legs. Just smash the kids'

fingers and be done with it. Get, just let's, let's have it be one of those stories. Please. That is an all-time creepcast quote. That's really My mother spun around from the stove and I saw her visibly tense. She didn't like Tommy touching us. I know, I know where it's going. I know where it has to be going.

The 18 content warnings, tell me where this is going. What I wouldn't give to just have them be like more of like a Looney Tunes character and just has like a cast iron skillet and he just like beats the shit out of the children with the cast iron skillet. That would be so much more digestible. I would be thrilled if he dropped an anvil on one of the kids Oh god, absolutely That would be that would hit like a drug at the moment

It would be awesome But no, we don't get that No, absolutely not I thought that if I could make him want to impress me He would agree to go looking for the lost town What a bitch I mean this is like standard high school stuff Yeah, but still that is not I mean what the fuck

I mean like sure it's rude but I mean like there's a bunch of girls in high school, like, oh, that guy likes me. If he gets all flustered, he'll go to that weird town where the guy died. Just to impress me. How many girls? How many girls in high school and stuff like that? Like, you know, they try to, like, get a guy to like them for, like, social cloud or, like,

because he's, like, big on the baseball team. Like, they don't actually like him. They just want something out of him, right? It's like, I think it's a fine part of being a kid. Now, when you're an adult doing, like, serious relationships, often this is different. Negging? Negging? What is, what, what is the definition of nagging? Uh, but negging is a manipulative tactic that involves making backhanded compliments or negative comments. Oh, oh, that's, that's what you're just like, you look really good for a fat girl. That's negging. That's that's not. I don't think that's it. Uh, no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no. What you just did is just mean. It would, it would, it would be like this. It'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

you look a lot better today. That's, that's, this kind of similar to what I did. No, no, the different, it's saying, you look really good for a fat girl. It's totally different. First off, I didn't say that. I'm saying that's the example of someone negative. I'm saying, but it has to be manipulative. If I say you look better today, you're like, thank you.

And then maybe you're later to like, oh, did I look not good the past few days? Which is what the incentive, the underline was. Oh, so just saying. you look pretty good for a fat girl. It's just like, what are you talking? What? Like, there's no, there's no manipulation. You know, for a guy this big, you look really good. Okay, here's one. Hey, Hunter, your last video was a lot better. Oh, thank you. It was really good. The other ones are good. This one's really good, too. Wow, I'm good at everything. That's what you're never one negative thing. Okay. Well, I'm glad I have an understanding what nagging is now.

Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna keep going. Inside the milk house, police found a bloody mattress guy. This music is like so. What? The music's what? The selling dip-bils sight straight was found scattered around the mattress, along with used bandages and packets of penicillin. Someone had been sleeping basically...

Okay, the decapitated head of the Ford's granddaughter was found wrapped of the blanket. Could you turn down the music just a tad while I'm recording this? This head of Fiotto's Ford. The worst smell came from within the second snow of the bone. What? Several phases were found down to the walls inside the stall. Jesus Christ, just turn down the mix. Some of them belong to previous victims, malformed, beyond recognition.

Just turn it down. There were also several decapitated big caucuses. It's like a police chief giving a briefing and a hurricane. Exactly. Money, turn it down! This person had found. him and was hurting him. I broke out in tears. He was my only friend next to boxes. Okay. All right. Hold on. Hold on, man. You can't, he was my only friend next to boxes.

I can't believe my only human, my only friend, Josh, is getting beaten up by some stranger in his house. My only friend next to my tiny kitty cat. It's like, don't put them on the same level, dude. Come on. Well, my friend's getting touched and murder. by a stranger upstairs? Good thing I've got my kitty cat. Well, I hope that I can find my cat so I still have one friend. Man, I hope that if Josh is dead, I can still find my cat. Well, even if Boxes dies, he still has eight more lives, so it should be fine. Hey, John, he gets on the walking.

Hey, Josh, did you hear that? Boxes has eight more lives. Yeah. Hey, Josh, are you there? Josh? Are you there? Josh? Answer! Josh, we have to find boxes quick.

So, someone's in the house. What? I can't hear you. Hold up, I'm gonna scream really loud. Is that you? You're up in my room upstairs to the left of that room? You said you were in the closet underneath in the left corner, right? Why are you hiding in there?

Here, follow the sound of my voice. Leet-l-l-le-le-le-le-le. Yeah, I'm going to keep beeping. I'm going to keep making noises. Hold on, this thing has a siren function. Let me try it. Please, please, please, please, please, please be quiet. What?

Okay. I love Paul because Paul says this. Yeah, it came down and, you know, that blocked in tunnel? Yeah, it's clear. And like an electrician, an electrician came in and strung up lights. you know, people thought that they saw something and they thought they saw a deer which I thought that was weird

as a deer supposed to string up the lights in the tunnel but it turned out it was just a tall guy so it's like how'd you get that confused with another nah just actually it's a nine foot tall man walk around the woods uh... look pal

if you're hiring some tall guy to come in here and pull our job buddy we're in the union all right you better Frank you are pushing my buttons first the bug people and now you have a human ladder putting up lights all right need you to let us know because this is our contract he did say that he thought the deer did it he said that um it was it read

the flow of that sentence the way he structured he's like i thought it was a deer he said at first i thought it was a deer they were seeing but then they all swore it looked like a tall man yeah but it's insinuated at least for me whenever I was listening to it and I could be wrong and I know you and all the viewers are wrong. I like the image more of a deer. Putting up wires and he had a

DeWalt drill and he was putting up lights but turned out it was just a nine foot tall man. Look that guy ain't my crew. That guy ain't my crew so if you have some other crew in here you need to let us know. And they're all sick as dogs. Oh my guys are sick. I did DoorDash

about 60 pounds of Mongolian fried chicken last night they're not feeling well after the altercation with the bulk people and the nine foot tall man I think did do something

to the waters supply I don't know Frank all I know is my guys are royally pissed call me back also we found some really old shit down there we got a guy on the crew we used to do archaeology work

or whatever I did I did find that line funny I know I know and we found a Mesopotamian pyramid down here Frank and uh one of the guys

one of the guys of the crew he's stuck he's dug a couple of like it's like you used to work in retail like it's just a common thing every crew has

I'm just saying he's dug up some of these pyramids before and he says that this is this is kind of old Frank also like it's not not an expert

Meso American archaeologist if you ask me but he does have some history with like runic examples of the ancient, you know, of lost tribes dating pre-12th centuries. So, you know, he's all right. He knows most of the edges. He said that he's seen these gargoyle statues before.

And we keep reading them. We keep trying to read the names out loud, but we keep going blind when we read it. So I don't know what's happening down here. But if you can give me a call, I also like how just nonchalant he is too. He's like, man, Frank, I'm telling you. There's a lot of crazy shit down here.

Frank, there's a lot going on, Frank. I think it's a bit serendipitous because we did offer the Mongolian fried chicken to the guy you sent out, but he didn't eat it. And he's sick as a dog too. So now I'm wondering what the hell is even happening. Okay, it's probably something else entirely, potentially the beetle people. Yeah, it could be the beetle people because we had to rule out the tall guy because it ended up just being three clowns on top of each other's shoulders in a large trench coat. So that can't be them. All right, Frank.

Call me back when he can. It turns out to be three clowns. Oh, I'm pulled by the old three clowns in the trench code out of construction site. A construction site. That's a typical thing you have to deal with when you're in a truck. It's just a classic high school prank. Classic, yeah. They're all 14-year-old clowns, very young.

I didn't know clowns started this early, Frank. All right, call me back. The next message, he's like, Hey, Frank, did you ever? do the clown break when you were in high school because we're not like he's just like talking yeah I thought you're going to say the next call it's just honk honk

he's like all right Frank I'm a clown now I'm not going to be able to finish the job I am going to the circus I wish you all the best buddy he's like I'm making a bunch of pies right now to put in people's faces I think the crews get a big laugh out of it

all right Frank talk to you next time I made myself stop for a moment I couldn't know for sure what she was asking me I had gone to school with several boys named Thomas it was a common name oh my god

yeah yeah bro I'm sure well it could be it's probably a coincidence I don't say hold on let me call mom hold on a second barber my mom said there's more than one Thomas

if a girl says your name Thomas before knowing you she's an angel I think I've watched you an angel. If I want you get an angel from heaven. But the chances of her painting that name when I was working here, I don't want to be silly, but I wasn't trying to be too.

What's that word? Mom used to say it. Okay. Oh, God. No. Mom used to say it when she read her angel books. No. Whoa.

What the fuck. That was actually not planned and that is so fucking weird. That is what. Whoa. That was so. Yo, that was wild. You, okay, we made the joke. Ha-ha.

Mom said it was an angel. And then the story says, quote, Mom used to say it when she read her angel books. Skeptics. That isn't the oddest thing, though. What's odd is that everyone has hyper-realistic eyes. Yes. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, I forgot about this. Okay, so Hunter, some lore, right? Every single, without fail. every single video game, movie, TV show, whatever, creepy pasta would have some mention of hyper-realistic body parts. They're like, she was stabbed to death and a hyper-realistic heart fell into the screen. Or he was shot in the head and hyper-realistic blood splattered across the wall. It was just, that's what, all the time, implying that.

Yeah, that's supposed to be the uncanny aspect of the- He's like cartoonish worlds. Real human eyes in SpongeBob. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Grutter just sits there in silence, blinking for about 30 seconds, then starts to sob softly. He puts his hands, tentacles,

over his eyes, and cries quietly for a full minute more. All. Ah-ha. I imagine he puts his hands in his face. It's like, Goy. This was one of the most terrifying stories to children online, by the way.

Keep that in mind. The eerie part is that this sound, Squidward's sobbing, sounded real. It was like it wasn't coming from the speakers, but that speakers themselves were whole. that the sound was traveling through from the other side. Yeah, that's how speakers work. It's almost as if the speakers weren't speakers,

but it said holes that sound is projected out of. As good a sound as the studios like to have, they don't have the equipment to be able to produce audio of that quality. the delete animation editor pause and reround frame by frame what we saw was horrible it was a still photo of a dead child I miss this every other one I would read back then

like if there was a cartoon I watched I'd read a creepy pasta and it'd be this like random dead kids or blood or something yeah yeah yeah yeah He couldn't have been more than six. His face was mangled and bloody. One eye dangling over it, popped. He was naked down to his underwear.

Stomach crudely cut open and his entrails splayed out beside him. He was laying on some pavement that was probably a road. Pavement that was probably a road is really funny. He was laying on some pavement that was probably a road. Yeah, it's a picture of a dead kid and someone in the back's like, is this a road or a sidewalk? Quick.

We thought it was a basketball court, but we're pretty sure that it was a road. At first, we thought this was a lake until someone pointed out, no, that's pavement, actually. No, that's not water. That's pavement. That is in fact pavement. We can't confirm. Oh, and it's just for a single frame. Oh, my God.

The most upsetting part was that there was a shadow of the photographer, but no crime tape, evidence tags, or markers. And the a way, it turns out this man wasn't a police officer at all. Yeah. Wait,

hold on, guys. This isn't evidence. I think this is the guy who did this. And then the, the guy taking the picture turns around the camera

and it's the bin statue. Yeah. You want to know why I killed this kid. The angle was completely off. a shot designed to be evidence. It would seem they were the person responsible

for the child's death. We were, of course, mortified, pressed on, hoping that this was just a sick joke. Yeah, that's what I like to do to my workplace friends. Display images of children I killed. We're just interns. I didn't know. I'm just an intern, Nickelodeon.

I was played. Where's Dan Schneider? That's what I was about to say. Like, as a dead, Dan Schneider, Brian Peck thing, it's funny to imagine them like, I was just goofing around you know it's just a joke it's just a picture of a dead kid on some pavement

it's not a big fucking damn this is just what guys in Hollywood do okay we're just we're just Hollywood script writers this is what we do we just have some pool parties with like 14 year old girls at our house throw some dead kids onto sets and then

not a big deal do some cocaine like that's just that's part of showbiz all right there's now it appeared to be blood running down his face from his eyes. The blood was also done in a hyper-realistic style. The blood was also done a hyper-realistic style.

He was confused as to why he had been called down, so the editor just continued the episode. Once the next few frames were shown, all screaming and sound again stopped. Squidward was just staring at the viewer, his face taking up the full frame for about three seconds. The shot quickly panned out that deep voice said

do it and we saw a shotgun in Squidward's hands yes yes oh my God read keep reading he immediately puts the gun in his mouth

and pulls the trigger he asks the next line realistic blood and brain matter splatters the wall behind him in his bed and he flies back with the forest. Yes! I love it.

Yes! We did it. There was an investigation due to the nature of the photos. Nothing came of it. No child scene was identified. What? It's just funny.

There was investigation due to the nature of the photos, but nothing came of it. It's just like, you know those photos? The most interesting part? Yeah, nothing really came of that. You know those dead kids? Well, don't worry about it. we're on to the next part no child we didn't know what the fuck happened there who knows it doesn't

really matter yo that was weird and josh had really coveted it so much so that his parents bought him a slightly nicer one for his birthday which was toward the end of the school year immediately josh is a a rat yeah exactly that's snow cold machine's pretty cool and he goes up to his parents he's like i did it might to be better yeah and also like the story opens saying that this the rider is like from a low income yeah exactly like he has this one little thing to hold on to he has a rich friend has to come over and small snow cone machine for christmas and josh is like i need more i need i need i need a better snow cone too a small snow cone machine for christmas i'd be like what a fucking out of season gift dude a snow cone machine for christmas this child this

child is like living in like in poverty and hunter shows up like really a snow cone machine yeah hey oh you know what hey here's here's here's an ice tray you probably need that too right now there you go for all your cold drinks you're having right now thanks hey Merry Christmas mom go outside and get some idiot pick it off the ground I got you some swim trunks while you're at it there you go Merry Christmas very usable and applicable thing. Then familiar voice broke my tension. John.

This is Amy's voice to just say, you know. Yeah. Would you like to like, okay, okay, all right, all right, fine, I'll change. I like, I like saying John just like John, but I'll do. John. There you go. Was a single word in Amy's voice. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Hey, it's you. Every character, every character we have in these series. You love to make just a toddler off the shelf. Hey, it's you. Sigh of relief. Who else would it be? All right, fine, fine, fine. What is going on?

Who's voice is this? What is happening? Who else would it be? Thank you. Boys are enormous blue eyes suddenly filled with sadness. Oh, you did a really,

really bad thing. All right, so the story had me. I was like, I was there, I was in the room. I was imagining like, blue eye devil mask.

That sounds like a kid with big, sad, goofy eyes. I can't remember their name. Whatever character it was from South Park, who sold the steroids to Jimmy for the Special Olympics. Okay.

All right. Well, that's you. That's your kind of interpretation of the voice. I'm doing a young child with big, goopy, blue eyes. Oh, you did a really, really bad thing.

He's a kid. No, this sounds like this is mocking. This is some level of deep down sarcasm. I just, I'm not going to stop you. I just want it to be clarified to the audience that I'm not with him. I don't agree. I could do it.

I'll do a different voice. Now you're in my head. Too late. Too light. Now you're, now you're my head. What's a better. Why don't you?

Why don't you give me example? If you wanted to deliver a good show for your audience, then maybe you can act like it. It's all I'm saying. I thought it was a, I thought it was a legitimate, good, creepy, weird. You're talking about a kid, walk around in a red onesie with a devil.

mask on. Right? So how do you think you should sound? Go ahead. Say, oh, you did a really, really bad thing. I'm not the voice actor, so I'm not the one to ask about this. I just read the stories. You sure know how to give criticism as if you are.

You're right about that. That's for sure. What about, oh, you did a really, really bad thing. If that's what you think our audience deserves, then you go with it. No, I'm, I am a grown man trying to do a child's voice. You know what? I'm just going to, I'm just going to let it wrong. it might be different every time.

Who knows? Well, you know, like I said, if you think that's what the audience deserves, then that's on you. I'm just letting the audience know that I'm not in on it. All right. I cried not wanting to spend another second in this awful room.

I could hear a woman screaming down the hallway. Her cries rising as something meaty pounded into her. Oh, ugh. Okay. That just came out of nowhere. That was like a go. Oh, well, that was uncomfy all it was. Yeah, so I get, I get blamed for laughing at a child getting his head blown up.

Something meat, he pounded it, pounded into her. I wasn't laughing at that. I was laughing at like the story had none of that. And then it's, no, I know, yeah. Well, I mean, to be fair, it could be like thuds of a punch to be fair. Sure. It could be like just like in the Tommy Taffy story words, when something was going on. B stars it was the w wb game yeah yeah yeah it was a tombstone pilot driver yeah yeah no

windhouse let's get into it um let me start by saying that peter terry was addicted to heroin god damn what a what a opening sentence whoa just out of the day general window goes just like just like me like super graphic i i i've set myself up for i don't think it is i don't think it is i feel like this is definitely give me one where i'm going to be like why the hell you of course this is what a 13 year old loves yeah i i'm just hoping it doesn't go jeff the killer as as goofy as that we'll see there was probably like a hot tall woman in there somewhere and your own view was like peterre's heroin dealer was a seven-foot-tall woman named helga you're like oh god thank god they're

She was known for her dark lipstick and fishnets and I just like 13-year-old me. He's like, yeah, brother. Fishnets. It's a typo-negative shirt. You're like, a tall glass of water. Typho-negative shirt. Alright. Let's go.

I will say. I'm just glad that you're at least doing Rob. It gives it nice. At least there's one voice that isn't mine in there. Yeah. Yeah. Although it would be funny to watch you struggle through it. But now I'm not even Rob.

You need good. There. it is yeah yeah that's right what did i say yeah is that your right is that your windegoon impersonation what would you do if you did my voice what would i do if i uh you're kind of up in this register a little bit and you have a little bit of like a southern twang to it so you sometimes you're kind of up here is what i hear that's pretty good hello gentlemen i'm here to talk to you about a story it's like i'm talking to me here here here here here here you're it now I'm like that is the worst impression

I think I remember that's pretty good I think we'll see what they have to say about it my commune with the heavens has ended and I've returned to the cold unforgiving earth it doesn't welcome me back I hit the slow man she must have been falling for a while

huh yeah I mean if she like had to have time I'm gonna to have that kind of yeah I'm gonna guess she lives because the dead deer break her fall but she's got like she impales herself on all the antlers yeah she's got to break a bone or something at least right

I hit the slope yeah she's got to break a bone or something I think definitely is that me is that my arm is that what you're doing is that me is that my voice yeah that's what you know that's not that out hey yeah probably got to break the wrists right oh I don't like the direction it's funny when we're making fun of the British people cut that out

just like him and you smell like lavender let me touch you i want to caress your cheeks and pinch your cheek just like my grandson he died in a drowning accident when he was seven years old why did you say drowning accident just then been drowned been drunk okay all right all right right i was about i forgot that was the title of the story because that's the that's the title okay yeah i forgot that was the title of this story because this story does go to a drowning being related and I was like there is no way you just pulled that out of the air you had such a fucking poindexter point there you're just like how did you know that actually how did you know that that was gonna happen like the titles has been drowned oh okay he flashed a crooked smile at me and

asked what I was looking for and immediately I noticed that he must be blind in one of his eyes imagine finding that what just seeing that just like you're just like oh we moved into our new home you opened the closet and that's there that painting if i if i saw that in my house randomly i'd be like oh i guess hunter came by no so first of what you were a million percent first off first off one i would say that that's that day there's a painting is just too good like i couldn't paint that good so i would say you you need to run is right so you call me and be like you call me and be like did you just pull a practical joke on me also I'm getting really good at your at your voice every time you do vote impression to me

it's a different part of the country it's either like kansas or like florida honestly i've started to really i've started to really really own it in though and i'm very excited on it are you pulling a practical joke on me you're always kind of up here is that one off i own like i got a long girl is that what i sound like to you yeah every time you all are giving me the craziest gifts. Am I just a stupid, like, dairy farmer? No, you're like a labrador. I'm like a dairy farmer from the 40s.

What the heck is that? What the heck is that? If I'm going to wake up, if I wake up one day and there's a meat canyon cartoon and I'm in it and I'm like, oh, what is it all about? I'm quitting the show. Someone's going to break in your house and they're going to be. be like torching you're like are you guys serious did you leave your shoes on you're tracking mud all through the house is what it'll be i said you're making me are you serious it wasn't a bad life

but i can certainly see how it made me into the introverted person i am today i took comfort in books and i experienced the world through them go ahead i heard that laugh it's just fun it is fun I'm just actually picturing you, like, I'm just young now. If you want to. I said it easily and I took comfort in books. Now that you have to do my exit on top of that. Yeah. Oh my God.

So good. And I experienced the world through them. I hate that voice so much. It's just like never ending story. Where's foul core ad? Oh my God. I can't describe what it sounds like, but it makes me I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's such a cartoonish version of your voice. It's not that we think

there's going to be something great beyond the passage. We just like the idea of being the first humans on the face of the planet to set foot in a virgin part of the cave. Although if we found a hidden treasure, that would be fine with us. You got to throw the hidden treasure stuff in there, right? Of course. I feel like that's what that has to be a thing that people don't care about. When you were younger, when used to play around, did you hope that you would stumble upon some kind of money? Like gold or something. You know what I mean? Yeah, you come across a chest. I feel like that that has to be lost in these younger generations, dude.

Yeah, the kids don't know kids with their TikToks from their iPhones, like looking for pirate treasure no more. They don't look for pirate treasure anymore. They're just too worried about TikTok dancing and changing sexualities. I'll tell you what, Obama's America took, it took the treasure maps away from us. They took the treasure maps away. They took the treasure maps away and made people want to be dogs. what has this country come down if only mccain would have won the election back back when i was a kid

you go out with your buddies and then jerry gets bit by a copperhead and he died out in the woods like a man yeah back now what you you hook it you get hooked up on dialysis and live for 40 years yeah exactly either get bit by a copperhead or you and your buddies do some things that you keep some secrets to your grave you you and your buddies go out there you find your dad's moonshine bottle and you make some mistakes like good Christians and you don't tell nobody except your assistant pastor then you don't go to that church no more. Well, we call it mistakes, but really they're happy accidents. There's some happy accidents. That's what I tried to tell the assistant preacher. He got me out of that church. As a matter of fact, he threatened to register me with the state of Illinois.

So that's why I told the family we were moving to out of Detroit because, you know, the business was gone in the region. That's why we're down here now. Right. But I'd, look, look, I'm just saying that that is the kind of heart no one wants to work anymore. That's why this country's brought us to. Sometimes the cucumber tastes better pickled.

So how? So my head's like, what does that even mean? And the other half of my head's like, just don't think about it too hard. Like all I'm saying, all I'm saying is that, if it wasn't for if it wasn't for the liberals run in this country we would have real man built on built on work like that that's all I'm saying this is a random thought I'm having and this is just completely random is how many people do you think when they were paling around with their buddies look you know just walk around a crick you know you're like oh is that a I think I see a coin how many times do you think somebody just murdered their friend just out in the just out by the crick I mean I don't think it was that many

but over a coin no no not for a coin I'm just saying like undiagnosed rage or something oh you're saying how many like murders never got reported sure yeah but specifically with like boys just be at boys

and hanging out right I mean I'm sure that kind of thing happened I mean there are plenty of stories of like I mean look at the number of missing kids back in like the you know 1920s on right it's like Okay, not all of those are actually missing, you know, right? Right.

Like, a few of them had to be like, oh, Johnny, you want to go on that rope swing today? And Bob never comes home. So kind of scary to think about, huh? I mean, yeah. There's, yeah. Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah. Makes you think, huh?

Hunters are something you want to tell us? No. Yeah. Anything that happened to you, Hunter? I like how when I don't do the bit the way you want it, like you do the bit yourself and pretend to be being on the other side of it. Is there something you want to tell us about, Hunter? No.

Well, in a way, I'm wondering, you know, did he even put out that the funeral was going to happen? Is he just embarrassed? Is he just mad that he's like, oh, I look stupid now? Like, I don't know. Man, that is a lot of heavy things that I'm sure Sam cannot unpack. Yeah. Yeah, especially for a... 16-year-old who works in a sandwich shop.

Yeah, so they say mayo is the sauce of the aristocrat. He's like, the guy's just like, what? All right, well, he claps his hands. I'll talk to you later, Mr. Descartes. And Cal's like, what was that? He's like, I just want to give him something to thank on. Yeah, don't worry, he's totally bought. That's what Sam would say, everything's perfect.

them every time yeah okay hold on not to jump the gun i'm i'm drawing a connection between this and the pool float in my head right anyway um there's a you want to explain how well that a pool float is a is truly the balloon of the water right so so there's a there's a full Well, that is intuitive. Wait, hold on. Pool floats are like balloons that sit on water. Okay. Write it down.

Get your notebook out. Jot that down, drop that down. So the idea is that strangers like send in, like he said, people were sending pictures of landmarks and stuff. So it's people like, oh, well, I'm from here. This is what it's like, you know, whatever. I would hate, hate to see what some of these pictures were. I have a feeling that this is a disaster project is what this is coming to be.

Look, like I said, it was the 90s. It was the 90s, yeah. No one really, yeah. Kids were just flying into vans left and right. That's how it felt. I have a very, this is, here's a picture of my van. I'm gonna pick you up from school on Thursday. Oh, yay!

I got lots of candy. I have lots of candy. I've got balloon floats. I got shark floats. It's a balloon for the water. They say floats are the balloons of the sea. They say. That's what they say.

It's in the balloon section of the store. What's that thing I said during Barasca? Oh, mayonnaise. It's the sauce of the aristocrat. It has been manate sauce in the aristocrat. That's what this dude writes back to the kid. It's like, what? What is it?

Okay. Do you know the word creature was banned for a while from R slash two sentence horror stories? Really? Because every, yes, because everyone was using the word creature in every story that became a meme. They would just write, they'd write two sentence stories that are like, I felt a weird presence in my house. it was then that I saw the creature It was then I saw the creature I wanted her shirt so bad

It was then I saw the creature People it became a joke to go on two-sentence horror And just like make something dumb With the word creature in it Like I almost felt like Christmas Except I've got no eggnog Thankfully I can just milk some more from the creature The family enjoys their milk at the taste

little do they know it was harvested from my creature i call the majority of them are literally just milking some kind of creature hey chef i called it to the kitchen my meal began being produced by a creature hey chef yes chef okay yeah yeah you get you get the idea people just let's keep read i just we're almost done with this we'll get you through well yeah i want to get you done with this fucking eyeless jack bullshit real quick i need to read a couple more of these two sentence horror stories that I saw while I was searching it. I just I need to just put this out there.

They said the library was safe and nothing was here. I think about how that was a lie as I sit here bleeding out from my missing arm. Can you imagine a full two-hour podcast with two sentence horrors? Just me and you doing this for two hours.

That would be hell. As I... No! As I... No more! As I... No more! No more! As I fell on my bed. Can we just read the pancake family? I decided to go on a tour of the IKEA factory.

Little did I know that I would find the creature that lays the IKEA meatballs. Jesus, Christ. All right, not safe we work, the pancake family. We're going to get to it. Give me one more. You do that. You read it to them. I'm going to go grab a Baja blast.

No, I have- I'm going. I'm getting a Baja blast. Like Hunter is so privileged. This guy, he hears eyeless jacket. He's like, wow, I can't believe that physically hurt me. It's the worst thing ever hurt. He wasn't in the trenches where I was. Okay, he didn't grow up with like the worst excees for her. Okay, said everything wrong. Did he drive to Taco Bell to get a Baja blast? Is that what he made? I'm coming back. And if there's still a two cities who are being read, I quit. Come on in. Have a seat, said the dentist. Who invented the electric chair. I hate you. Who invented the electric chair? All right, our slash snow sleep, and this is uploaded eight years ago by A.A. Peterson. The dollar said... Four stamps.

Ooh. Oh, no. One of their customers was the guy. Oh, no. Oh, I feel dirty. Oh, I'm sorry, everyone, if that's where... This is... Snow cone, please.

This is gonna be a super... Look, look, I'm banking on it. This is gonna be supernatural. It's not gonna go there. Yeah. I shouldn't have sold that snow cone to that ghost. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. One snow cone, please.

It's like a bit. It's like a bench. One snow cone. Yeah, exactly. It won't be about a child predator, because it'll be about that. For sure. I shouldn't have sold a snow coat to that ghost. It was really weird and just totally out of character for her, like I said,

but I also found it kind of funny that she was being more playful and a little less serious. I shouted that I loved her and called her a weirdo. As I shut the door behind me, I heard her laughing. Oh, I don't like that. even from him i don't that whole interaction was it i love you you fucking freak behind the door like what can you get at their house are unbearable hey we're throwing on the football game tomorrow night and like no no i'm good hey babe hey you freak up in my attic they just got a touchdown she makes the best pork roast doesn't she guys it's like she's like hanging from

the ceiling like a spider yeah she's like criss scampering across the walls Isn't her guacamole delicious? Oh, man, it's a delightful. She's like, you just hear Latin coming from. She's not speaking it, but there's Latin coming from her. I want to take a quick break to talk about today's sponsor, Manscaped. The holiday season is here. While you're out giving gifts, it's best to remember to treat yourself as well.

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I mean, yeah, she's got to walk back and be like, oh, Clyde's dead, by the way. Yeah, Clyde, Clyde, uh, killed himself. Yeah, and I, and I also, uh, was there and facilitated it. So that's me, present. But I heard his life story. And it was beautiful. But don't worry. He wanted it to happen.

He was very, he said, as he was disintegrating, he just kept chanting pog over and over again. It was very, it was very, it was very, very cool. And then finally, as he drew his last breath, he just said, base. And then he was immediately disintegrated and fine ash. Pog! Pog! Pug! She's writing in her notes as he's disintegrating. Chat, is this real? Pug. Yeah, chat.

Chat, is this real? Is this real, Chad? Is this real, Chad? I don't know, Chad. I can't believe what I've seen. I can't believe what I'm saying, Chad. Is this real? Have you seen the... Oh. I was about to ask!

Oh my gosh, I was about to ask if you've seen the animation of XQC. XQC. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so stupid. For those that don't know, I was just about to ask Hunter if he's seen Hunter's animation.

Yeah, I've seen a couple times. That that meme comes from. Oh my gosh. All right. Oh, Chet. Chita, I can't believe it's real. Oh, my God. Wow.

Chad, wow. I forget that you're important. Okay. Anyway. I had seen text on her phone while she slept one night and confirmed my suspicions. My life had degraded to shit and I had to run out of options. Amiliated and ashamed. I decided death was my only option.

I'm imagining that he looks over at his wife's phone and there's just like a nude pick. And he's like, oh my God, he's been getting, she's been getting nude pics from other men. You like look over and it's just a guy doing a goat brain. a goat brain yeah that's where you shove your balls to the back of your legs and have a peek out the back of your thighs just his asshole and the goat brains

that's the new that his wife is kidding oh my suspicions are true my investigation has turned to new evidence inspector gadget finds out that his wife is cheating on him go go gadget broken heart that's a funny visual you have like a like a Sherlock Holmes type inspector like 19th century

and it's just like the giant magnifying glass on the on the on an iPhone screen it's just a guy doing a goat brain and spread his ass all open it's like the most vulgar that he's like yes yes very interesting I think me wife may be cheating on I It's like he's getting pictures of his wife just like in the most unholy positions. Just absolutely just awful and he's like, what could all this mean? Well, I better sleep on it. This case is nearly cracked about the clues. Yeah.

Well, the clues keep stacking just like just tons and tons of those kinds of pictures just being She's like holding it in front of his face and just swiping. So she's just like going through the gallery on her phone. I feel like she's trying to tell me something. She's like, this is why I'm leaving you and he's standing there and like the full like tweed stitched overcoat with the hat and like the pie. Sweating profusely underneath a duvet. A little ways away from the shed. I found this in the middle of a clearing.

What is this? And we have a little Easter bunny looking thing. that's like I mean at one point it was an Easter bunny now it's like vines grown over it it looks decayed and like paint shipped and stuff like that but at one point it was like a little cute bunny decoration yeah like almost like a yard numb

looking thing my wife opened the door oh huh huh you want to come stay hi to hide everyone after that heart attack it was going to be in the episode

Oh, it's just Hunter I'm talking to now. Oh, my gosh. Oh, say hi, Hunter. Hello, that was very, very funny. All right, sorry about that. Anyway, gosh, it sent me because I didn't hear anything, then she throws the door open, like, it's time. Hello?

Yeah, Easter Bunny. Then it says, I must have gotten turned around because I was walking for what seemed like ages. gosh someone turned on a vacuum cleaner in the house and it scared me to death oh my dude you need to figure out your house to do i do i do i need to get my house in order well someone got right outside my door and turned it on so all i heard was like gosh i'm just gonna i'm gonna find i'm gonna buy a shed and i'm gonna set out there no one can bother me there you know that'll make me feel better um

Yeah, like they can't, like, actually read its body language because it has just like a giant mask on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Now, I will say the image. Oh, my gosh. Here we go, dude. I love it. Every episode.

Shut up. You already. I wasn't thinking about it. I'm busy. I'm working, honey. Every time, dude. It's Mr. Bear, run! Shut up.

I can't work under these conditions. Okay. I'm freaking out! I'm freaking out right now. Not outside, like, room five, but actually outside. My eyes stung. I wanted to cry. Hold on.

Kayla. I promise you, I heard it was, it was plain as day. It was like, it was like, not, not, not like steps. Oh my gosh, hold on. I just saw it under the door. I think it's my dog. It's not my dog. It's something with a wet nose.

Benny, is that you? Yes. What do I expect the dog? I was like, what the hell? I think he's going to talk about, yes? Don't worry, I said. It's just me. Shut up.

Hold on. I'm going to open the door. Well, chat, this is where Wendigan dies. It was my dog head budding the door. You want to sit here for creepcast for a minute? This is all your fault. Stupid. okay well yeah because it's it's it's such a crazy and empowered like such a

powerful oh god don't you start as soon as we start talking about what you do not do this to me right now he's got his ears fit back Kayla oh thank God is her yes it's her oh you want to show you want to show the audience your star pillow oh hunter can't see That was very cute star pillow. It's adorable. For a second, I thought someone was lying on the floor at her edge of the bed, talking back to her. Ugh.

Bro, I'm like, I'm just, I'm just tweaking a little bit. It's okay. I swear, I keep seeing my door, the dogs are locked up. It's not the dogs this time. It's just the way the door shuts. There's a shadow directly in front of the door. And I don't, shut up. Shut up with your, whatever.

whatever you are. No, just stop talking. Quit. Let me stop. You are, you're a loser. You're a little punk.

That's what you are. We live in NorCal in a really woodsy town. So when you look at our bedroom window, there are tons of trees across the street. It was, I keep, I keep, the reason I keep pausing is I keep looking at my door,

losing my mind. It was very dark, but I'm fairly certain I saw a man walking behind the first line of trees. He was too far away to be the one grumbling, but it is very unusual to see anyone over there this time of night. In fact, I've never seen anyone there at night ever. Okay, I'm moving, I'm moving the screen over to the right monitor, so I can just keep it in my peripheral. I'm going to call my wife and be like, do not open this door. I would definitely send a text. it might give you a heart attack can i you know something really funny

kately just messaged me it said the two can you send me the two sentence horror story about the ikea meatballs i can't find it uh that's great um hold on where's where's kail where's I don't know, just go, just care a lot, okay. Hold on, I'll just leave it on. Hello. Hello, you're on, you're on the podcast right now. You're on speaker. Okay.

I'm just reading a story with Hunter right now, and I'm so scared, I'm going to cry. So can you please, when you get home, not open the office door? Okay. Okay, because I'm so scared that like I'm shaking, and I've goosebumps, and I've talked about you opening the door for two hours. If you open it, I will probably pee my pants, okay?

Okay. So please don't, or text me and be like, I will open it now or something. Just, I'm just so scared. Okay, well, I'm going to the store since maybe like another hour. Okay, just, just please text me before something happens. Okay. Okay, I love you. Love you.

Love you, bye. Bye. All right, we're good. we're good we're locked in all right nobody knows who made it what its purpose is or why it's on the side of the tree facing into the woods uh rather than the side facing the house i found all the supplies to make another one jane kela don't do this to me i had the headphones on and I felt the whole house rumble at once, which normally means someone shuts the door.

Okay, the GPS says she's here. Okay, whatever. Man, something just came in. No. May I'm stay as quiet as you can't. Don't make a sound. Mommy. Mommy.

He came inside. Dude, there was no way for me to do that. Oh, you were doing so good. You were doing so good. You were killing it. Oh, that was great. Oh, fuck, there's more. That's screaming about his legs were going, his legs worked or whatever.

You were nailing it. My last guess was that it was a mummy, but in the end, Josh kept insisting that it was a robot because of the sounds that we heard. What? Yeah, what? Destroy all humans. Like, literally sitting there. He's so funny, he's like, he said, I bet it's a mummy. And then just in the bush, it's just like, it's just like, I want to kill all human beings.

I want to kill all human beings. Like, he's like, no, seriously, it's a robot. And he's like, I bet you it's a vampire. I'm a robot. I'm a robot. What, what, do you have a voice modulator just ready to go. It's my mixer. It's very convenient in time like this.

That's great. That's fantastic. Yeah. Why haven't we been doing this the whole time? You do those quotes. I don't know. I had the strange, fleeting impression that the doors were standing like silent granite monolith monolith

erected by some ancient forgotten civilization for some unfathomable guardian purpose. That sentence sounds like something you were I would say midway through and I was very, very, uh, cast comment. Yeah. And here's classic creepcast for people's fucking bingo cards I see that's very lovecraftian of him to say you think I don't say that especially this being in my mind's eye a very lovecraftian thing

for him to say dad's upset I'm glad I'm glad I'm glad I'm glad you don't have like strong feelings about it or anything wait let's go ahead and knock the rest of about okay man if kyle from baroska was here oh man he'd be having such a great time yeah kyle from barasca be like uh kauf and baraska be like uh yo john why are you so why you acting so weird right now yeah i'm definitely not holding up something to the camera for you to not be able to see uh my wife isn't here to get me so that one won't work I already made a you're going to want to see this joke it's right behind me

isn't it same thing something has to fall so here's a pin and then you have to make fun of my accent you have to make fun of my accent I think that's all of them all right we can continue all with this right oh my god heybs let's go

it's gonna have the seven months of shit Oh, Jay! Jay! Oh, Jay, you stupid son. Oh, fuck! It's such, it's a guy in a mask, but it gets me every time. I hate it. Such a basic jump scare, and every time I just, ugh.

He's chasing him down the hallway. That run sequence is so funny. That run, look at him. Look at his arms. You get back. Why did he do this? I think you can get away for me. Come here.

You think you can get away from me, Batman. Jump scare was still good. She didn't have to tell me twice. I really liked Mir, and I hated seeing her like this. The front didn't end up being much. better. I could hear Mirre crying over the store's dated music track. Her sob...

Jesus. She's just like bawling her eyes out of the deal. This guy sitting there like making ham sandwiches. Would you like black olives with that? Yeah, scream crying in the back. Oh, God! Her sobs

went from pain. Her sobs went from painfully audible. The muffled whispers, oh my gosh. She's like, and then it turns out to and she's like throwing stuff like you hear stuff breaking.

It's especially weird too when you're kind of like younger, like if you're 15 or 16 and you are like looking at an adult cry, it's even more awkward. I don't know why, but it's just something where it's like, you're not supposed to do that.

You know what I mean? So it's like, this is like this like adult. woman who's just like bawling and this is like 15 year old kid who's just like I I'm just here to make pastrami sandwiches I have nothing I have nothing to give like yeah you're and so he says here he says after half an hour I decided I had to do something has Mirr told you about her appointments uh no well we've been trying to get pregnant for years long painful year long painful years i'm sorry it's not funny it's not but it's just a brain of a 12 year old i'm sorry

long painful years okay it's just so important for her to have a baby and you know she blames me for our problems man He's dumping on a 16-year-old. This, I was going to say, this 16-year-old is, I mean, this is a fucking, this is a heavy load. This is a lot. Yeah, you know, do you know that my wife in there who's losing her job blames me for infertility? Do you know she thinks it's much? And he's like, I just, I'm still high.

I'm ditching school today. Exactly. He's like, he's like, did you know we got Swiss cheese in? We offer Swiss cheese now. And he's like, I want her to be pregnant. We've been trying so hard. You know, she blames me, right? Every day she looks at me like

it's me. Do you know what that's like to look and come home and sit? So we actually make our own sourdough bread here. It's like just trying so hard to like get the fuck out of this conversation. And then I have to go to work. I have to provide for this house while she runs this dead end job. And then I'm the monster. I come home

and it's me. I'm the devil. Yeah, so I'm hoping to graduate in two years. Like, dude, just like Um, okay, do you want Pepsi with that or? Yeah. Um, the old man smiled at me and told me that I can have it for free. I used to belong to a kid who was about my age that didn't live here anymore.

There was something weird. What? What? What? What? What a weird fucking thing? What do you mean what? The old man smiled at me and told me that I could have a free.

that it used to belong to a kid who was about my age that didn't live here anymore could what like your grandson what does that mean the child doesn't live here anymore he opened by saying he went to a weird neighborhood

so I assume he means the neighborhood that makes it even worse that makes it so much an old boy used to come play this game in my basement well it doesn't mean that he doesn't live here anymore no no no no no no you're doing the thing

you're doing the thing did he move look look I'm Did he move? No, no, no. He doesn't live here anymore. I'm sorry about Barrasca, okay? I know that you have this knee-jerk reaction whenever kids come into stories now because of all that. I get it. But just because you have an old man who's like, oh, well, I came across this cartridge and yeah, belong to some kid who lived around here. I don't really need it. You can have it. It is not infeasible. Kid moves away. Parents sell. Start giving his stuff away. Old man buying. like a trunk of clothes or whatever, who knows what? And oh look, there's a game cartridge in there. I'm going to laugh. I'm going to laugh so hard, Isaiah.

I'm going to Rafflecopter, as the kids say. The day that you were like, hey, I can't record today because someone harvested my organs because you're so fucking naive. You're going to let someone come in

and cut up all your gutty works and take it. Yeah, sorry. I can't, uh, someone took my spleen, is what you're going to say. And I'm like, what happened? Ah, yeah, I don't know. This guy was just following me, but it was, it seemed normal. Is, it, that's, that's you. That, that, that is such a cryptic message that it used to belong to a kid who was about my age, who didn't live here anymore.

What is that even? Did he live in the house? Then why just, hey, is my grand, my, my, my grand, because listen, you can do this in a different way where the guy's like, hey, my grand kid used to play. games here, right? But no, this old creepy fuck is like, the kid doesn't live anymore, but if you want it, you can have it. I don't know. I'm an old

man. Doesn't make any sense, dude. Go ahead, keep reading. You have, you have, no, I bet the old guy's fine. Oh, I bet the old, oh, I bet he's a perfectly normal guy. He could rationalize it in his mind, our our protagonist, could rationalize,

the interaction as just like a weird way to phrase some kid that lived down the street. The next sentence he says that he phrased it weirdly, but it's not the old man going. It's the kid I had in my basement. It's just like, oh, a kid lived around here. And that's enough nuance that your brain could be

like, oh, that's a weird way to say it. I love that the literal next sentence is there was something weird about the way the best friend. Yes, yes. Clearly there's something weird about it, but that's not immediately like, I capture children. Okay. All right. Can I go back to the story?

Yeah, I'm waiting to hear what happens next. Are you? Can you imagine Slyderman giving you galaxy gas? Is galaxy? I heard some jokes about it. Is it just nitrous? Well, it's nitrous. It's nitrous oxide, but it's like a, like, you know those Coleman thermases? It's like the size of that.

Whippets are usually like tiny little capsules. The galaxy gas thing is like flavored. It's like, mm, banana cream. It's like, you get destroyed. Do not Here's a PSA Do not do Galaxy gas guys

Well you know You know how nitrous oxide Get you high Do you know what the function of it is? I thought it just suffocates like part of your brain It suffocates your brain Yeah So it kills brain cells

Well do To such a degree that you feel high Because your brain is dying Do you think it instantly makes you stupid Do you think our show is big enough To where Somebody has been listening to us breed terrible creepy pastas and they're getting high on galaxy gas on uh on pinia calada galaxy gas

it tastes like dream sickle just like it tastes like oh taste like coconut like falls back his deal yeah we're just like just like listen to the left right game he took a left and then a right yeah someone someone someone someone's like Like, overdosing as the TV's like, I don't know about this, Bristol. We ought to get you back. Hold on, go back, go back to the middle. Someone overdosing on Galaxy Gas at the part when, uh, when the main character of left, right game is talking to their like future angel ethereal stuff would be such a trip.

someone completely high they're just like oh my fucking god it's like i'm in the future and the past the guy's like what the fuck someone's like about to die it's a horchata galaxy gas container someone's about to die and we're like we just have to make it to winterby we just have Yeah, the ambulance is there. Sir, can you hear me? Wins or me? I've never seen Alex act the way he does in the following raw footage from Marble Hornets. What do you think Marble Hornets is about?

Especially where it's like, Brian's going to reflect here later. I, uh, it's, it sounds like, I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about the overdose. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Dude, stop. It smells like horchata in here. It smells real bad.

Meanwhile, on the TV behind him, just Mr. Wellers don't like it. I see God. I see God. I see God. Oh, God. Dude, stop. You're starting to scare me. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. I see the devil. I see the devil. Oh, I see the devil. What do you mean? God, I see the devil. You're a voice modulator just ready. Imagine you're sitting in a room

with a guy. You guys are watching Marble Hornets you just hear you're like, what are you doing? You're like, do you see that do you see that little demon in the corner or is it just me? Dude,

Bryce, you're starting to scare me, man. There's an angel tapping at the door. There's an angel tapping at the door. Oh. That would scare the shit. of me. There's an angel to happen at the door. Just play the video.

Thomas, we need to talk and not out here. Can we go inside? I didn't like how close you were to the mic to send that like those in my brain. I'm right in your ear, Thomas. Stop. I've got to actually quick.

It stinks out in the hallway because I farted. Oh, God. She had Thai when he's food for the first time in years. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. This is so gross. What are you doing? Quit.

I can't stand it anymore. I can't take this show. Ah. I've shut up. Shut up. Can I read the story? Yeah, go. Go ahead. Your side, you complained about sidetracking and here you are talking about Taiwan. Yeah, that was bad. That was bad. I'll admit. That was bad. I know.

That's, yeah, I'm sorry. You can play for five minutes about how I derailed a show. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. People don't deal with anything relating to that sort of business around here anymore. That was all a long time ago. Following her statements, she attempted to be cheerful again. excusing herself to the restroom and wishing us the best on our return trip to New York. Okay, if this is a Barrasca scenario, I didn't do it. Okay. No, but I'm wondering, um, I'm wondering if there's maybe some sort of infamous family or something.

I also like, oh, she's just like, excuse me, I have to go take a shit. And she's like, have a good, have a good return trip. Because also one thing that I like children tunnels, not me. The children tunnels? Yes, of course. to the bathroom i go yeah now i'm going to go take my regular afternoon poop um the uh the the thing about her though commenting like oh you guys are really far away from home is very suspicious as soon as as soon as you read that i was like uh okay uh oh it can be it certainly can be and i had a bit of a tense there too but at the same time i've said that to people like i've been at a gas pump

and seen someone with like a pennsylvania tag and be like what brings you down this way or whatever it's just a southern thing you creep yeah average average Isaiah gas station moment be like you know

I hate when people say like oh like when I have like my Missouri place and I'm like I had to drive to like LA when I first graduated college people would be like oh Missouri well you're very far out

and I'd be like why the fuck does it matter to you leave me alone I don't who the fuck are you yeah oh I'm fine good observation good fucking observation dude hey what do you want my social security number next you creep they're trying to talk what your blood type that's your second question you always ask people what that we had a point oh the whole like talking to people i had a conversation with something the

other day because someone else had tennessee tags and he was like oh what brings you down this way and i'm like ah down here blah blah and we started talking about tennessee and stuff like that's just a not you can have nice one minute conversations with strangers don't fucking look at my car anymore is what I would say. Okay. I'm sorry. Are you from New York? Because you're acting like a Yankee.

Okay. You know what? Maybe I am. Have you like, you know what? Why are you looking at my, why did, or my license play was it that peculiar to you, dude? Leave me alone. I have a feeling a lot of people in chat are going to agree with me.

I think a lot of our commenters are going to be like, yeah. If a guy came into me, he's like, oh. That's because, that's because they're afraid. No. That's because, okay, for the one. Your wife sure does look pretty at that passenger. No, no, no, no, no. You're describing two different things.

You're describing, stop that has stopped you in the accent right now. Oh, no. Stop, Mr. Well, I will tell Mr. Well, I guess Mr. Well, I guess Mr. Well, I guess Mr. Well, is a difference between someone going, oh, cool, what brings you this way? And someone going, your wife looking real pretty in that truck, boy. I don't. I don't see a delineation. I did not see any delineation at all. What brings you to town?

It's the same to me as, oh, you have a pretty set of hands. That's the exact same thing to me. Your head would look great on my mantle. You got soft hands, boy. You know, just rotting. Well, I'm wondering, too, if the girl that we just talked to, if she smells that way, too, because she's just technically rotting skin and stuff, even the people walking around smell that way.

Everyone's decomposed. Or maybe it just smells like bacon. Who knows? if it just smelled like bacon but you couldn't have any well I'm not I'll be honest the older I get the bacon becomes less and less alluring to me if I'm being completely honest and now I I will go as far to say that when my my wife will make bacon for herself for like breakfast sometimes

and I it almost makes a gag the smell of bacon are you the grinch what the heck you don't like the I don't know I honestly don't know I I used to I used to like now I don't know why but like the smell of bacon for some reason it makes me like seriously sick to my stomach. I'm like, I can't do it. And I'm going to sound like a little Nancy, but I will say, don't mind turkey bacon. Love some nice turkey bacon. All right. Here's what, here's what needs to happen at some point. Me and you need to go camping. And I'm going to make bacon. I will throw up on you.

I have you ever, okay, smell, sure, smelling bacon in an enclosed kitchen is one thing. But have you ever been like outside and like smelled bacon? Like on a campfire type stuff? definitely and you don't like that well it's been a while but i feel like now even i would i would rather smell the beautiful fresh air and the trees and not the goddamn disgusting pig meat i'm just going to keep reading how you randomly drops if you're like i hate the smell of bacon like not just like favors like you know man sorry that i'm trying to like just let you know who i am as a person yeah but every time you let me know who you are as a person it makes you less human the things you just like

I will stop because if it's going to ruin our relationship as as co as co-host then I'll just stop telling you about myself I don't want that because it's great material for the podcast okay and more importantly than anything to do with you is the success of this channel

let's get that well I mean I'm glad we're at least in agreeance there at least we got our friends or so you keep being strange but I'm just saying that the things that you have issues with aren't like things people have yes or knows about it's like core human experiences you're like well it's just funny you know death or it's also like oh you know what i hate the smell of food like i didn't say death was funny

you are saying that out of nowhere if a in a story right there is a let's say i have a deal of like i went to every day i'm slightly more convinced you are bugged people in a hunter-shaped costume that's fine actually i i'm a collection of grasshoppers yeah just Just inside of human leather. It's pretty much what I am. That's all I am. I'm a grasshopper scarecrow. That's what I am.

I'm fine with that. Every day of then we'll be out to eat or something like that. Hunter will like go to eat his food and like grasshoppers fall. He's like, I got to quit doing that as he's shoveling the back in really quick. I picture, I picture whenever I got dinner with you and Kayla. I'm like,

you guys are like, yeah, I really love this place. And it's just me stiff. Like my eyes and my mouth open. like grasshoppers are just like hopping out of it and you're just talking to me as if it's a normal conversation i'm just like yeah just like oh man how do you like the food and you're like a mannequin over there with grasshoppers pouring out on the table yeah my my everything yeah my neck

falls back and falls off my body like bugs are just like protruding everywhere jumping and going you're like oh wow the steak here is unbelievable everyone's screaming and terror and I'm running out of the restaurant. You have to try the spinach dip. Which makes it even better that I'm assuming that you have to, you had to unbuckle me from the back seat of your car and like carry me into the restaurant.

And then I walk in like table for two, please. That's what I'm going to do when you die. I'm going to have like a hunter statue. I bring places. Like, oh, this is my best friend. I love him. Ha ha. Is that right?

Hunter? Ha ha. Remember our podcast? That was a lot of fun. Hey, hey, um, ex specially, uh,

we like that. Don't we? And the bugs are just like all over the mannequin's face. It's like, they're like chewing through it. It's like just sounds like a bunch of cicadas and around. Yeah, it's like the loudest noise ever.

Like all of them clicking off of each other and stuff. If I die tragically, Isaiah and you don't have some kind of manic episode and carry it like at least some kind of funco pop around of me. Oh, of course. I'm going to be very sad. I'm going to make podcast episodes with. it too where it's just like sitting there and i'm like remember remember tommy it was pretty

wacky huh barraska hey hunter i like to think i like to think that you you actually go so manic that you you're you are having a conversation with it but people can't hear the other end so it's like right yeah i'm i've said it in public like hey what would kyle from barasca say and then i'm quiet for 20 seconds and i'm like ha ha ha ha ha oh yeah oh oh oh For sure. My wife's left me. I live in like a motel room now. You also definitely put that fun go pop in a jar. I wouldn't now that's now the tone was dramatic. See what I mean? This is what you do. You take something. No, no, no, stop. Shut up. There was you take something. You take something that is like funny and normal. You're like, you know what would make this so much worse. I never want to hear you say the word barrasca again or Tommy Taffy because you do it. with real life scenarios. It's so much worse.

I don't know, dude. I've seen the mason jars you have in your house. Like a funco pop could fit in there. All right. Anyways, uh, let's keep, let's continue. When asked her what was wrong,

she said she had a dream that she was lost in the woods outside. And something was following her. I culled with her until she fell back asleep. And eventually I draped it off too. Can I just say something real quick? Yeah, go ahead. I,

if I'm being completely honest and this is just, I'm cringing just a little bit. I fucking hate when people, the word cuddle cuddled he keeps talking about he's cuddling the whole time I just I had to put it out there

I don't know so this goes back to my kind of overarching thesis with you that you just hate fun is being intertwined with someone fun can someone in the comments

put up a put up a scoreboard right now we've got all my big brothers and sisters are going to be the big boys and girls out there are going to get it because my ass, if I, if I remotely touch somebody, I get so hot, all right?

Oh, oh, you're talking about weight. Oh, you just randomly go, all my big brothers and sisters. I'm like, whoa, what are you talking about? Like I'm talking. I don't know where you're going. What was I even talking about? Oh, you, you, the things you don't like, yeah, uh, you don't like talking to people at gas pumps. You don't like, you don't like, you don't like cuddling. What a crime. You don't like, what was another. one we brought up. I mean, there's some, someone mentioned up. You, for one, we haven't said that before, but sure, throw that up there.

Any guy who does not like, cook, like grilled zucchini is an enemy. All right. What do you talk about? I do. I love grilled zucchini. It's so good. It's so good. It is good.

It's very good. But yeah, guys in the comments, someone give me a list of like all the, because I know there's like eight things he said. There's completely normal human experiences that he's afraid of. So someone, yeah, put that together for me. All right. Doesn't like cuddling. Anyway, okay.

Her nickname has always been monkey toes. Long story. Gross. Shut, shut up. Okay. What pet names? You don't like pet names?

No, dude. No. Someone had that to the list. Whoever commented the list I asked for earlier, add that to it, making a d- I'm not about, I'm not about to call my bitch monkey toes. All right.

Tows. Swear. I'm going to call her angel or pretty face. Pretty eyes. Angel. Tuts. I call Kayla stinky all the time. Yeah.

I don't agree with that. I'm like, oh, look, how stinky doing, or something like that. Okay. When we got, I didn't know how any of this could be happening. It wasn't just that she was asking for help. That was a big part of it. It was that my name is Thomas. Oh, that's a fun.

Okay. That's a fun. part one. I like that. Meh. Shut. What do you mean? Ma'am? I don't know. I'm not, I'm not totally bought in yet, dude. I need, I hate fun. I don't hate fun. I just, I'm, I feel like it's the, if he feels like he's a part, he's the experiment. The alpha, a muscular three foot tall son of a bitch name Rocco has been spotted multiple times chewing on people's tires. It has been run over at least

twice, but keeps coming back. I don't trust raccoons. I've never been a big raccoon guy. I don't think they're cute. You know what I mean? Do you think raccoons are a cute-looking animal? Okay, whoever has the list

going, I'm going to start a list in this room of the stuff that is normal that people like add raccoons to it. It is not normal for people to like raccoons. Hunter. Associates with raccoons. Stop. Okay.

Raccoons are my favorite animal in the war. world. I love them to death. Raccoons are your favorite animal in the world? Bro. Growing up in East Tennessee, they would come up on the porch at night and, like, put their little hands out. They'd want marshmallows and stuff. Like they do, they're just sweet little, sweet little creatures in nature.

That's why your hands are swollen all the time. Shut up. We've gotten 16 raccoon bites and you have perpetual rabies in your hands. Dude, they would, they would get into the trash. Mama always said I was going to get rabies, but I didn't care. They would get. There, Now I'm Creole or something, whatever that is.

No, that's Alabama accent. Okay. Look, the raccoons are like these little sweet creatures. They're like little cats, they're kind of fat. And then like other than getting in your trash every now and then, they'll just hang out near the house. They're cute. They carried their babies around.

They're adorable. Everyone likes raccoons. The only time they bite your fingers. The only time they bite people's fingers is when like people mess with their babies or something like that. Like they're perfectly peaceful. I love them. They're cool.

I love raccoons. Someone at one of the live shows, which is, as you described, them, terrorists, they have a pet raccoon and they wrote me a letter and then had their raccoon do a little paw print on the bottom of it. It was so cute. I would have crumbled up and I would have thrown in their face and get that shit away for me. I bet you would. You know what? Whoever shows up at the live show, why do you want to talk to that guy? You know, meet and greet's just for me. You'll be a better. It'll be a better show. Just white. I do not blame you. The meet and greet is completely on your shoulders. Okay. If someone in the comments of this. one leaves like the list of stuff Hunter doesn't like. I will I promise I will write it down somewhere here and we will keep a live tally of

things that he is like bad about. Short list. Short list. Yeah. A couple things. Rational man. Talking to people in public like speaking to someone at a gas station. That was one. Rational. Cuddling. That was one. Pet names.

Just anything that involves care or love. You're just you're just against. Okay. All right. Yeah, he quit. He quit because he knows I'm right. Anyway, back to the gas station.

As soon as I walk by, you're on the phone, you're like, oh, hey, whatever. He didn't say anything. He's just, like, bringing his groceries in. He gets in, he's, like, picking the groceries up and putting him into the hotel room, and she's already grabbing your shit and helping, oh, here you go. I'd be like, get the fuck away from my bag. Well, it depends on how many times they interacted with each other. In the series, this is our second time seeing her.

Even if, even if it was you, I'd be like, why the fuck are you like if you let's say we when we go on a tour right and we're in the same hotel if i was walking down i saw you on the phone i was walking by with like some stuff i got a quick trip or like a gas station right some snacks and then i turn around and you're right behind me helping with my bags in i'd be like isa fucking what do you like get back up dude back up give me some breathing room hey but can i help you can i put these bags in your room nah nope don't like it all right i'm uh can you pause it real quick.

All right. I'm adding to the list, helping with... You're saying that if you were like coming up in your, you're in your own zone, right?

I'm doing my own thing. You're like, you haven't really... There's no kind of back and forth yet of like, oh, hey, come on in! And I was just already walking

into a room. You wouldn't just be like, well, that's kind of rude. I don't really want you to just walk in my room. And then also to have her be like... No, Hunter, because you are my friend.

Okay. And it's not weird for friends. to help their friend bring in groceries. If I sat there and I, if I sat there and I was like, what's all these groceries for? What are you doing in here? What are you here? You got,

you can at least give me that one. If it was you, if it was you, is that what you're saying? No, no, no. If it was like,

if I, if me and your relationship was like Jane, Jessica, which who knows. If I'd met you one time and you just started helping to be like, but that's a little much. I can agree with that. Thank you.

Thank you. Nope. That's all. You already gave me an absurdist level by saying like, oh, if I helped you with groceries, it's like, okay, no, no, no, because I know you and you're my friend. Make sure to delineate that it is, it's not just help with groceries. It's that it's, it's, it's, it's, there was no, there was no dialogue of being like, hey, let me help you with that. Oh, sure, man, thank you. So whatever.

I am putting my, my things down. I'm unlocked my door. I don't even know you're behind me, right? All of a sudden, Isaiah's behind me. give back shots 4K Slender Man style and I'm like hey whoa what are you doing back here I'm giving I'm giving you back shots is that what you're saying

that's what you're saying put out into the ather to see what happens no no no that's what I'm just saying that's you you connect to those dots that is not what I said it no you said no no okay I think more importantly while we're on this topic I would like to thank Agnevelli who in the last episode

has begun putting together the comprehensive list of the things Hunter hates and I just want to run through them really quickly with you just so you can confirm or deny okay are you there yeah all right so uh gas station small talk yeah i don't like it nope okay raccoons no correct pronunciation of words especially anaconda solemnity etc i like that you do like that i like that my speech is especially uh very good so all right especially uh i'm just going i'm just making this list so that

it can be accurate cuddling no yep quote that son of a bitch at chick fillet I like I like that guy okay yeah public displays of affection

no no sir no thank you children you're telling me with PDA you ever see somebody sitting by at one another and they're like somebody's like whispered into each other's ear and the guy like kisses the girl's neck and shit and you're just like what the fuck like take that somewhere else, dude.

You ever see a guy kiss a girl's neck in public? I'm like, God damn. Even for me, I'm like, I don't know why I get so icked out by that, but it does. I'll agree when you get to a level of, like, private intimacy of public, it's a little rough, but I don't feel about. I don't care. How do you feel about hand holding and like cheek kissing?

And like what kissing? You say feet kissing? Cheek kissing. Yeah, feet kissing. That's what I meant. The natural progression from holding hands. I don't know how you fly down there, buddy. Cheek kissing.

Cheek kissing. Like, kissing someone on the cheek. You know what? But if you're over the age of 50, if you're over 50 years old cheek kissing, it's fine to me. All right, I'm leaving that one up then, the PDA. Children. Don't care for them. Okay, children calling parents mommy or daddy.

Literal throat in my mouth right now. The laughter of children. That most deafening sound on earth. Others showing happiness. Okay. That, that, that's below the belt. all the other ones have been very I would say

I've been honest I would I like seeing other people happy okay okay all right Jeff Goldblum impression so I've needed an answer on that one meeting greets um I'm I'm thrilled

you know what the hesitation no no no I want to put out there I'm thrilled to see the people who were able to get their tickets I can't wait to see you uh huh um the feeling of blankets on cold nights Oh, oh, love them.

Pet names. Despise them. You know what I really hate? I hate baby. I don't like that. I also think it's inappropriate for women to call men daddy. We need to stop that. Bacon.

I don't like turkey bacon. Can I get half a point for turkey bacon? No, no, you can't. As long as you have to steal like, you have to still like pork bacon and you can prefer turkey bacon. But if you don't like pork bacon. I can't help when I was younger. I liked it. But the older I get, the more.

The smell makes me gag, dude. Okay, so I'm leaving bacon on there. Old people. Waste of space. Get them out. All right. Disney adults. Oh.

That one's fine. Probably the worst. That one's understandable. Pears. You know what? Can pairs? Not bad. Let's see.

I'm like a doctor's visit. Taylor Swift. You know what? I can pop my pussy to some Taylor Swift sometimes. So yes. I don't mind Taylor, dude. Root beer. No, terrible. Root beer and cream soda can't stand. I'm going to add cream soda as well. Go ahead. Put it on there.

Listed, but we're going to put that on there. Let's see. Gravy. Don't care for gravy. That is disappointing. That's actually really sad. You know why? I'll tell you. And it's not good. What kind of gravy do you guys have in the Midwest? Like a white sausage-based gravy. Okay. That's what we'll do white. We'll do squirrel gravy. a lot back home what uh but sausage gravy's fruit yeah squirrel gravy's really good it's very very sweet god uh delicious yeah sorry that i live um 17 let's see that's 18 uh settlers of katan you see those little those little guys carrying those nuts up that tree they make the most delicious gravy all right i'm i'm going to go ahead and mark that as a yes as well christmas i love christmas

Okay Vegetables I love vegetables Chicken pot pie Oh Can't stand chicken pot pie Do not like chicken pot pie That's a shame

What is it Should it be squirrel Pot pie Would that be better How about house cat Pot pie There Isaiah Are we throwing around

Any animal or You know Now I think you're just Being kind of racist Against Appalachian folks I am Fuck I'm gonna skirt over that Because that's not

Fuck you Discussed about the purpose of this conversation. All right. And this last one, you're going to have to explain to me. Women touching and fanning their eyes when crying. That's for a reason.

That is such a huge pet peeve of mine. I was watching this show, the secret lives of Mormon wives. And it's like whenever people have, like when women have like their face fully fucking lit up with makeup, you know what I mean? And they cry and to stop for mascara,

they'll take like their fingers or they'll take like tissues and put them up near their tear ducts on they do. They'll do, and they'll look up in the air and they'll dab it and that just drives me fucking insane just let the tears fucking flow i can't mess up my makeup it's like you look like a ghoul already all right so with that that makes exactly 20 things that hunter hates currently on the list and it will be sure to continue into future episodes i now have a tally going at the house so don't worry audience we will be sure but you know what i say there was some positive moment

there was some positive movement on things that were misconceptions like misconceptions yeah whole three whole three the whole they're showing happiness hey the holy trinity and uh christmas a holy trinity okay all right all right well before you get even more blasphemous let's get back to uh halfway through entry 30 if anyone still fucking cares i frowned a little unsure what bonnie means she smiles back blankly then resumes the path back to her car she's mentioned that play Yeah.

She smiles back blankly, like, a good guy. A blank smile? That's a horrified phrase. It'll all be fine once we get to wintry bay. Yes. Perfect wintery bay. You want to explain on that further? Good night. Clyde snores.

Yeah, she, like, unzipped her tent, and you just hear like... Like a guy, like, dying of snorting in there. Like a giant CPAT machine sound. They have a C-Pap in the car You have a generator Bhrernery Bay, here we come That's the weirdest people you've ever met I know I don't talk much

But I'm going to scare the shit out of you immediately Wintery Bay With Wintery Bay That's funny That's a funny phrase to say to people out of content It will be fine when we get to wintry bay and just like Don't elaborate Excuse me like you're in the line at like a grocery store

You know what I mean? They're like what? I have nothing See you there I would I wouldn't worry about it if I were you Don't even worry your little head Worrying makes it hungry oh you all heard the the guy cried in Greek huh? Yeah, we'll be there ASAP Yeah, he's like shaking monkey nine foot tall monkey that tickles you until you speak Spanish. He's looking

over at the other ranger like like, I'm going to go there. I'm just watching a Rosetta Stone DVD. We've got to learn to talk to these things. Miamo. Miamo S. Gorilla. All right.

so do you want to go to the woods one last time i raised my eyebrow at him and smiled yeah he said excitedly and jumped up off the couch then embarrassed he cast his eyes down at the floor yeah you know if you want to that's cool cool let's go This impersonal thing is I'm glad I get to act and be the character here. Yeah, I get. The whole time you were reading, I'm like, don't look at me. Don't look at me. Cool.

Let's go. Thank you. When we had gotten a decent way into the trees, Jamie turned around and looked briefly at my face before casting his eyes to the ground. He rubbed the back of his neck. I've actually, like, wanted to kiss you all summer. Don't look at me when you do that line. It doesn't help that any time I imagine you as a kid, it's just you, your head now, but on a smaller body.

I was stunned to silence, absolutely dumbfounded that Jamie had found the guts to say anything like this. I knew any of it to fill the awkward silence left in its wake, so I did the only thing I could think of. I leaned in and kissed him. it was dude why did your lips purse when you said that he's like leaning over and shit I immediately hate the in person format because you can do

you can do physical bits like right next to me while I'm here and I don't realize them until I wouldn't really want to record in person for like a long time I can tell.

That perfect time where it's like useful ignorance, but also like kind of upbeat, adventurous kind of... You have enough agency to go do stuff, but still enough stupidity to put yourself in dumb situations. It's like the innocence of believing that someone... Like if they were 26, you'd be like, do you have nothing better to do with time? With them being 12 years old, I think really leans into that. How old were you when you had your first kiss? I don't know what I looked at my wife and I was like I looked at my wife

Can we kiss or I think I have to You probably just don't remember not to ruin the tension of this moment but every time i listen to this part the the thought form sounds like yonderi dev i'm not really apologizing for anything you know what i mean he has to say cadence do anything wrong oh oh hold hold on this is important The allegations are totally preposterous. Your party.

You're a fucking retard sold out. Okay, well we shouldn't have that. I didn't want that. I didn't want that audio. Maybe let's just go back to the... Do you hear it? Do you know what I mean? Do you... Did you read my funny DM I sent you?

There's a lot of Jewish propaganda. And I want to show you. I didn't imagine you. Oh, yeah, you did. I've been rolling around in that head of your style. Oh, what's the favorite? Oh, um, you,

you are manipulating me in this situation. I'm 16. I'm like 38 years old I had to share that if I'm in your home today I think that yeah you're trying to as soon as we hang out together

I'm going to publicly embarrass you as much as possible I'm going to I'm going to walk up to strangers and be like I'm a friend here wants to know about your day or where you got that purse or something like that I'm going to do that constantly I'm going to say you know I'm say, I'm like, that's really funny because my friend's been taking Polaroid pictures of you for about

probably about 30 minutes, and he keeps talking about his basement, so I don't know what that means. So, feel free. Yeah, no, yeah, I want to know stuff, but I just want to know, this guy's been taking pictures of you all day. Check his phone. Check his phone. May I as well, say. Okay, if I'm like, oh, my friend here wants to talk to, you're like, he, he's, he, he's, he

he's, he's, he's, he's, right? God! Easy! Good God! God, let's just continue the story. No, no, what do you think you were implied with the Polaroid pictures. They're going to murder them. Oh, that's not as bad, debatably. Okay.

All right. Anyway, I spent most of my life hunting in those woods, so you can imagine my joy when my parents got me a hunting dog. Mm. What was that noise? That was like a growl? No, I did. Like,

grr. No, I did. I did. You ever have a hunting dog? My family did and stuff like that I know like the kind of hunting I did as a kid Was always like deer hunting Or like turkey hunting you don't really need a dog for that

We did a lot of fesset hunting. Oh you did a lot of pheasant hunting Yeah so that that Yeah Feasant and duck and stuff so we had a I could catcher basically Oh okay And my grandpa did you have did you have one or did you have like several Well we had one we had one and then my grandpa who had a stroke He was he would sit in this electric wheelchair

his fucking mouth would be open his eye is blind in one eye and he fucking shot the dog in the head and that was really traumatizing like on accident yeah well i would assume so i mean the man i don't know why he had a gun in his hand i was too young to really process that this was a horrible thing but no also sorry trigger warning dog dead a little late for that hold on you were were you there Yeah. I was right next to the dog. How old were you? I was probably seven. You were seven years old setting next to your beloved hunting dog and your uncle, your grandfather, uncle, what'd you say? My grandpa. Your grandpa just blew its brains out right

next to you. Yeah. Well, not, not it's, I mean, it, you show them in the head. Yeah. Did it. Okay. Um, I mean, I'm just letting you know what happened. I was just wondering. That's a lot. That's a lot. That. That's a lot. That. I mean, it was a traumatic thing. Yeah, I had a hunting dog, but you're like, when I was seven, my grandbop, wait, so did he shoot it on purpose? Or did he just have a gun in his, he was just holding a gun in his wheelchair as he was, like, disabled from stroke. Okay. Yeah.

And so it could have, it might as well have been you that got shot. It was just like an accident. Could have very easily happened. Let me just tell you that. Could have happened. It was sad. I feel like this is going to just bum everybody out. We should probably just not even include that.

no you should include it i think that that is that that has to go in the episode that is a legendary hunter confession why i'm just a confession just something to happen my life the story mentioned a dog and you're just out of nowhere like i was seven years old my grandfather they said hunting dog we've experienced other dogs in the show and that story has never been relevant but now it is yeah yeah because the word hunting dog like was a flashback for you it was like a trigger trigger phrase it sent you back literally was a trigger phrase that's true yeah gosh that's real wrong do you um would you just i don't know hypothetically say that uh maybe that potentially had some effect on your development that led you to where you are now perhaps per chance no i don't think so

it definitely it definitely is as creepy as you going to like find dead bodies or whatever like you said the first episode. Yeah, but I never found one. You were looking. So it's like it's different. Yeah, I was looking, but that you were just a seven year old like playing with Lego's like, oh, oh, oh. They're like Fido, your best friend is executed by your grandfather. Not my best friend. First off, the dog, I'll be honest, was very mean, was not a fun dog. Okay. So I'll be honest. No, no tears were really shed. It was scary. It haunted me. I was scared in the moment, but I can tell. Okay. That was just a lot Okay, I'm not gonna

This is the fry you about that Any more I'm not gonna pry up to you about that one anymore That felt kind of rough But you have to leave it in the episode That's non-negotiable So anyway Sandy wasn't my property

And wasn't treated like he belonged to me Sandy was a member of the family My best companion And my truest friend That was until my grandfather Shot him in the head You two? small world that was just a big story for me to just like forget about all at once i apologize um okay i'd

been talking with my family about taking sandy my honey gear and some essentials to one of the cabins my grandfather owned in his hate uh-oh we're introducing a grandfather now this is actually becoming this is unveiling to be something horrible okay a few hours of driving later we were setting up camp in one of my grandfather's secluded old cabins. Here's where things get screwed up. Sandy, I'm so, so sorry.

This is, is this my life? Is this my chest? What happened to you? God. It's really close. We were going pheasant hunting in Kansas.

Yeah, exactly. We're going fescent hunting in southern Missouri. I'm like, Grandpa. Is that you? Grandpa. My seven-year-old cousin watched this unfold.

He now talks about the grossest, most disturbing things he can online. He's extremely respected. Uh-huh. You want me to read the text? You sent me earlier? Which one? About you go into the bathroom. Why do you have to?

Why do you have to shame me? Can I not just talk with my friend? You also, here's the thing to you only respond to with okay to it. Yeah, what other response do you want me to have to that? I don't know, a conversation, a conversation? If I wasn't busy on Twitter trying to shill for disaster relief efforts for the Appalachian Mounds, I would have tweeted that screenshot. Well, but what I don't want to happen is some like FEMA workers like, oh, maybe we could get aid and then they look at my Twitter and they're like, never mind. It wasn't that bad.

I was just telling you something honest that was happening in my life, dude. Okay. All right. I'm just going to keep reading. There were still bigger animals that would have liked to take a bite out of him if there wasn't a lot of food for the winter. Heard Sandy's bark fade away in the distance and then stop altogether. Oh, that sucks.

Yeah. R.I.P. Sandy. He must have ran into Hunter's grandfather. No, no, no. It is mobility scooter out there. Yeah, for some reason. Like the wheels going. i did what kind of not to get too graphic it to it but what kind of gun was he holding because

it's more insane if the guy who like can't move half his body has like a 12 gauge he had a deer rifle yeah man he can't move half his body but he's in an electric wheelchair with like a full scoped like bolt action rifle across his leg yeah he can't even lift that why why does he have that A man has pride At least so that's what I said what they told him I figured tomorrow would be the last day before I'd go into town and see if my father would help me find Sandy He was retired

He was a retired grain man But I was sure if I brought up Sandy's name He'd be more than willing to help me search for him Thankfully Sam I'm sorry I'm sorry I just

a visual of just a guy a half paralyzed man on a mobility scooter you know what just talking through the woods at night executing any animal I'm getting my mom into this you're bringing your mom into this

what do you mean you're bringing your mom into this I'm letting it right now hello mom yes Isaiah is making fun of of grandpa earnest and how he shot our dog roger can you can you tell him that that what it wasn't is that big of a deal uh let me say yeah it was a huge deal no no he was fine hello hello hello

she can't hear me she can't she can't hear you isaiah just what i mean that wasn't what What happened to him after the fact? Ernest. Hang on one second. Well, this is not going his plan. Okay, sorry. I'm at work. What did you say?

What happened to Grandpa Ernest after that? Oh, we put his ass in a home. Because he almost shot? Because he shot the dog? Yeah. He's done. He's done. Yeah.

How many years did? I know he's blonde. I mean, this is when I was like seven, but how? Yeah. Did he die in the nursing home? or did you guys at least take him out? I think we took him out like once, but yeah, he ended up dying there.

Well, this is a tragically sad story. It is sad. And, you know, I just say don't shoot your animals. Well, I thought it was an accident. Was it not an accident? No, I don't think so. Oh, my God. Okay.

Well, this is completely taken a whole latter. You were young. You didn't know. Okay. All right. Well, this is backfired completely. I love you, Mom. I have to go.

Ask, hold on, hold on. Ask if. And she's gone. If you were dead. Which he's gone. This memory is completely ruined. Oh my God. I thought it was an accident.

It was on purpose. You've been trying to downplay the whole episode. Your father, your grandfather shot that dog on purpose. I did. And he got thrown in a home where he died. Oh my gosh. That.

Oh my gosh. It's not funny. It's funny how you like remembered none of it. And it's way more tragic. I didn't know. We was such a. monster. I didn't know. I didn't know. That could not have gone any. Editor, you cut that out right now. You cut, you leave all of that in. You cut. You cut that out. Do not leave that in. If you, if you do not leave that in, I'm quitting the podcast. That is the greatest. That is the funniest thing that has ever happened on this show. Oh, my gosh. You going from just a normal event, like, oh, yeah, it was this accident into like, oh, we were afraid your grandfather.

would kill you or something. So we put him in a home. You know, and he died there. You know, this is a, this is a podcast about telling scary stories here. We're deviating too far from the script here. We got to just get back to the story. Oh, my gosh. That was, yeah, that is staying in the episode. That is the, that is the wildest thing that does ever happen on the show. Oh my gosh. We are going to hear. You are going to hear about Roger until you're dead. I waited hours. I waited hours standing in the door. way, I believe is the next line. Get me out of this hell, please. No, no, I remember. Okay, so remember the jokes I was making about like he's out here and then it's too real. It's too

real now. No, no, it is. That is the new villain that is up there with Mr. Weller. I am only hearing past all timer. It's fucked up because you've, you've planted the seed now and now in the woods, all I'm hearing is a mobility scooter cracking leaves and cracking branches just rolling through the darkness. Random pop shots going off in the middle of the night. And now I feel bad for Sandy. I'm imagining like

he's out here in the woods that you hear me like the scooter just going through. Okay. All right. Here we go. Let's get back. We're back into the story. People came to listen to a scary story. Let's give it to him right now. Boom. We're back in.

and then I waited until that night sitting on my porch step feigning off sleep deprivation to see my dog come back Sandy dead come back but not for another three days I read I read all this yeah not for another three days that would fuck me up dude

at what point do you I mean what's weird is I feel like in the morning I would go searching right or would you even I would probably go that night with a flashlight walking around trying to find him Yeah. Yes. Yeah. What? What the fuck? You giggling. Okay. No. All right. I love dogs. Okay. I love dogs. I cannot be I cannot be beholden to my family. All right. I, it is. It's just you calling your mom to make it better.

I needed clarification that it wasn't a big deal. It backfired immediately, all right? It was a cute. All right? I shot myself in the foot immediately here. Oh, my gosh. I could see the reflection of his eyes as green pearls. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'll read you that. I could see the reflection of his eyes as green pearls in the murder. What? Come on. We got to get through this. or people are going to get mad at us, dude? I'm telling, we have to get through this.

I know, I just, without a red reflection, my mind filled. In his eyes, I can see the reflection of the mobility scooter getting closer. The dog wasn't even looking at him,

dude. It was from behind. Come on. This story is completely bend derailed. People are going to be so, fucking mad at us. I'm sorry. If there is an audio listener, I am so sorry for this fucking horrible.

I'm a horrible person. I'm so sorry. It is not funny that a dog lost his life. I love dogs. It's just funny that it, that hunter was witnessed to all of this and processed none of it until five minutes ago. Oh, man. Oh. Okay. Just the image of like a guy.

who's paralyzed, but still has a rifle for some reason. Oh, okay. Oh. It doesn't help that if I had you at seven years old is just you with the exact same head and facial features you have now, just on a smaller body. Like, okay. But yeah, you know, as a level-headed guy, it's a quick little, this is a very quick story interjected with my own trauma. So thank you for that. And I think that, you know, I like

this story. It was good, but it is, it has to be one of my all time favorite recordings because it has brought us to a, uh, a revelation that I will never let you live down, nor will anyone else in the comment section. I was fighting for my life while I was reading to not make every single sentence. Like I looked at my dog. It was strange. The front half was long. The back half was a mobility scooter. Exactly. You know, and I'm sitting on the porch waiting for something to come. I saw the shape of a mobility scooter. I will be having, I'll be having choice, choice words with my mother after this. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that was so funny. She has stained our family's character to help. And it was that. Oh, literally who wants to be a millionaire lifeline call completely backfiring.

It's, it's not, it's not the best. I crawled into his outstretched arms. is something loud, banged against the wall from my sister's room. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, no, that, that means that, like, she got thrown, right? Right.

Like, he's, like, he's beating her, right? Yes, that's, that's what it was. He's picking her up and just throwing her again shelves and shit in the room. That's when Tommy Taffy started making every room in the house a WWE ring. Watch out, watch out, watch out. Watch out, watch out. Hey, Sammy. It's funny if you imagine the dad is like Randy Savage.

Oh yeah, that's the wrong answer, brother. The mom screaming downstairs is her getting like thrown into the garage doors. Hey, excuse me, Megan, did I see you in the basement real queen? They've completely renovated it to be like a fucking giant stadium down there. the end of the story the kid goes down there just like a rope ring Vince McMahon is down there

and he's like you beat Tommy Taffy you get a contract kid really fun use of just like dilapidated buildings too well it gives the overarching feeling that the operator kind of persists and rot

right like he's on the fringes of you know society kind of like the upside down it's I hate that reference it's like he's uh He's always in the... If only could, I make a deal with God.

Hey, Hunter, did you see him behind that tree? There's a tree out there. Do you see Slender Man behind it? It's a tree, Hunter. You see him, boy? Entry five gang rise up. Entry five gang rise up. Oh my God.

Have you ever thought about how Slyder Man is super inspired by Vecna? Slytherman has taken a lot from Vecna. Jay's kind of like Eddie Munson a little bit if you think about it too. you there? I'm here. There's a tree, man. There's a tree. Be careful, buddy.

The most defeated. I'm here. I'm here. End of part seven. Okay, hold on. The reason I was laughing at the end, I thought, you remember the C-4 she took at the beginning of the story? Yeah.

I thought she was about to blow up Blue Jay. It's what I was laughing about. You lack imagination. Exactly. That's what I thought was happening. And she blows up. I'm still, I'm still laughing over the idea of Alice B, like, you lack imagination. Boom. You lack imagination.

Kill, kills Blue Jay herself, Rob, and the Jeep. Yeah, in. It just says Finn. Yeah, that's the end of it. You lack imagination. Like she's the joker. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you want to know how I got these scars? Blue Jay. Denise, do you want to know how I got these scars? You see, my father was a bit of a drinker. Which do you prefer? Actually, here's the thing before we get into it. Do you prefer Joaquin Joker or do you prefer he ledger Joker? They're two different, they're two different instruments for two different jobs.

Well, that's not the, that's not the question. Which one? which one do you like more say it with your chest um gosh there's such different characters I guess I like

the ledger one more because I feel like it's more timeless I really love the Joaquin one but to be honest you don't have to you don't have to sway me man I prefer Ledger Joker as well that's all we need to know

To me, Walking doesn't do anything that a character like Travis from Taxi Driver doesn't do, you know? But I feel like Heath Ledger's Joker is more of a full flamboyant interpretation of like just chaos, wants to crumple the system, whatever it costs. I used to have a Heath Ledger poster in my room that said, why so serious written in blood. Yep Classic So, you know That I don't have a Let me just say

I don't have a Joaquin poster So I think that speaks volumes Told your things You know, I don't know Anyway, where are we What are we doing? Oh yeah

Left right game Hello Next time you see Blue Jay She's wearing Joker face Yeah She has a purple trench coat Yeah going through the trees I'm a pari all are running the game

And I'm just here to throw a wrench in your plans. Why so serious? She's dragging Rob by his ankle. He's like, bleeding all the wall. They dragged through the woods. Why so serious?

She can't stand the side of me anymore. And then, uh, and then what the fuck's his name? Who's the British guy in that movie? Michael Kane. Michael Kane's like, some people just want a, Watch the world burn. I saw a baby holding an emerald the size of a tangerine. Some people just want to watch the world burn.

Okay. Alright. They revolved where it's like unintelligible. That's exactly what Michael Cain sounds like in those movies. Mashed a wine. Mashed a wine. There was a Jewel Fife down in Panama. Okay.

Okay. All right. All right, party. Here we are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I ran to my small bathroom and fixed my hair as best I could. I looked like hell, but she would understand. Sigrin at my own unbelievable behavior and the mess I'd made of the place. I just want to say, can I, I just want to pause you, sorry to interrupt. The amount of times he's laughed at himself for being a fucking weirdo is actually making my skin crawl. He keeps you like, ha, ha, ha, me.

Hey, jeez. What, one of the one of the fucking weirdo is. jeez, what am I thinking? Eh, me. Like, how many times has he done that in the last two days? A lot. A lot. Am I wrong? Yeah, it keeps me like,

huh, I'm just a little, I get a little weird sometimes. He's like, okay, so I'm such a freak. It's funnier to imagine him wearing full like he fledger, Joker face paint during all this.

Yeah. Hey, wow, I'm a character. you talk to a woman at a party and everything's okay you call her 12 times at 2 in the morning and everyone loses their minds you want to help me do you want to help me set up my webcam in between a vending machine you place a security camera outside of your building and everything's fine because it's all part of the plan it's simple you set up one little web

hand between a vending machine staring directly at the weird redheaded girls front door and everyone loses their mind it's simple we kill amy all right that's funny you do like he's ledger thank you you want to know how i'm going to unlock this door to let you in he already hasn't pulled you in his hand yeah exactly it's a magic track so stupid like she comes over he's in

it's just gonna beat her to death when she walks in The image of him talking to her through the microphone of the webcam is so insane. And can you explain why the hair color was wrong and about half of these items are listed as undetermined? If you think you can do better, go right ahead. God, what is this police department? She's like the only professional person. She's like, am I the only person actually doing my job here? He's like, I took my crack at it.

If you think you're better, go ahead. Change it. I wrote it all in pencil, erase whatever you want and write whatever you need down. It's really funny because it's like, hey, you didn't list a cause of death. It's like, it's been a whole two days. You think we can tell after two days? Who are you? Exactly. What I look like, Harry Houdini? Do you think I'm Batman or something world's greatest detective? No, ma'am. Come on. How am I supposed to tell? You think I could tell how somebody died from a body? They got to be alive to tell me that about a being. Duh. Duh.

tuts. And then she's like, um, okay, did you, why did you say her hair was brewed at? What do you want me to do? Look at her. First, she wants me to be a magician figure out how she died. She wants me to look at the body. What, what do? Who are they hiring down at the, at the department these. Sweetheart, you're so much prettier when you smile. Yeah, he just immediately launches into like, I think one ever told you you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Oh my God, you might be the, you might be the most beautiful angel I've ever seen. Let me, let you come down from heaven. I don't mean to be too forward here, but you have an amazing rack.

Can I say that? I don't, I don't mean to be too harsh, but it's just a fact. I like to be very subtle, but I would love to make love to you. I hate to impose. I hate to impose this question because I pride myself of my subtlety, but are your nipples tiny or are they the big pancake ones? Just tell me I gotta know. He's like taking his clothes off. Yeah.

She's like, without everyone's acting so far, I would not surprise me. This medical, this fucking police department sucks. She's like, uh, did you? Why did you list the hair colors brunette? And he's like naked rubbing oil on himself. He's like, yeah, coconut oil's great for the skin, sweetheart. I would like to take you on a date tonight. What do you say? I'm going to take you to the fanciest restaurants of a bit. It's called Olive Garden. Free bread stick, sweetheart. Do you like bread? Do you like bread? Oh, yeah. They even put leaves in there. She's like it's spices. It's oregano. No, no, no. leaves. They put leaves in there. Then if you get the potato soup, you can dip the bread in the soup. And then it's a whole other world. It's a different ball game. If you can get potato soup, you get cabbage soup from olive garden. She's like, are you eating like a depression era person at a restaurant? I would like a, I would like a, I would like a, the edge of a loaf of bread and a bowl of your finest cabbage soup. Thank you. What do you mean they sell pasta here? What is a wet bread? I don't like that.

Disgusting. Get the fuck out of here. You're leaving. We're going to raise robin. Yum. Okay. Where was I? Okay. Yeah. It's... I don't know. A ghost. A demon? A demon? Skinwalker?

What is this? Some kind of crepecast? I've been listening to a lot of creepcast and these are just some suggestions that I have. What are we? Some kind of suicide squad? Yeah, maybe the entity has a,

I don't know, some kind of cave where he goes and impregnates tons of people. I don't know, right? Marcus is like, what the hell are you talking about? You know what's funny? I didn't know what you're talking about. fucking about for a second. I'm like cave and pregnant. And I'm like

oh wait, I did that. Yeah, that was that was me. A slight tumor grows in the back of your head and it's just like Barasca. Yeah, yeah just it follows me around. Yeah. See, now that I was able to pass on the cursed you all and specifically you Hunter, I just have pleasant memories of

Barasca. What a nice little story. Psychopath. Yeah, psychopath. Marcus seemed surprised by that. He pushed the cigarette away from his That's kind of funny. Marcus seems surprised by that. You mean by him saying a skin walker?

Markis seems surprised. Yeah, the detective's like, what do you think happened to your sister? And the boy's like, I think a skin walker caught her. Hmm. That's surprising. I don't know why you thought that, but. I was just going to say someone, you know,

pretended to be your mom. What are you talking about? I don't know. There's probably a guy who broke into your house, but okay. Yeah, home invasions are pretty common. What is a skin walker? You waited until your wife left her work and then you went out to the woodshed and hung yourself. You're dead.

Dun, dun, dun. That's kind of an interesting hook. I remember all this from the story because that's like the whole the whole thing it's famous for online and stuff like that. That you, it's like, oh, you're actually dead. Well, it's as if the story's a depiction of hell, basically. I see. I see.

How do you like that reveal? How do you like that? again it's a little bit I'd be more interested to hear your opinion because I went into reading today knowing it was about hell I how do you feel about it someone who thought this was like a sawtrap thing

I don't know you don't know you don't know how you feel about it disappointed I guess you feel disappointed in it you can be honest you can talk it's okay I don't know I just wanted it to be a weird torture thing you wanted it to be a weird torture thing thing. You know, it's sad that's not just a weird torture thing.

He's guys dead. Yeah, that's sad. I understand. Well, think of it this way. Oh, what is hell, if not just one really long weird torture thing, right? Yeah. So we can, we can still do the weird torture stuff, buddy. And, you know, we can still get all of that. This just opens up the door now for maybe some more supernatural elements to it, right? Right. That's why I saw it. Okay, so we can have our weird torture thing, and we can also

have demons and monsters, and it also means that you can probably get an unrealistic amount of blood and gore. Maybe they'll bring in another kid and shoot them in the face again. You think? I think they might. Okay. Because now, now that

it's hell, you could realistically shoot as many kids in the face as you want. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool, isn't it? You could just infinitely it could even be the same kid just over and over brought back to be shot in the face would that make you happy it'd be fun it'd be pretty fun wasn't it so you know maybe maybe don't count it out yet see where it goes from here see what it does with its new idea okay okay all right i want to make this quick because i'm tired of repeating this fucking thing to you

pathetic suicidals you get one question before i begin okay how does that make you feel Does that perk you up to it any? I'm the orientation. You get one question. It's how this works, you know. Does that make you feel anything, huh? A little bit, maybe getting a little bit of a unique depiction here. Maybe this won't be your standard pitchfork and, you know, whatnot.

It's like, oh, we have a whole process. There's an orientation. You can get one question. I'm imagining this guy, thanks to your stunning voice acting. I'm imagining Danny as like a Walton Goggins type, you know? So that's cool. You have like a, uh, like a salesman type is the front door for hell. Isn't that kind of cool?

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, pretty cool. Danny spent on the floor chuckling. Sure. At some point, but he lost control of it. And he put the pigs in charge. What's, it's the pigs? I asked, unsure I wanted to know the answer.

So how are you feeling now? Huh? I don't know. Is it, you don't know. Okay. Okay. It's not heaven or hell. It is the black farm.

And Danny says God lost control when he put the pig in charge. No, does any of that? Optimistically, I'm like, ooh, that's fun. Because it kind of reminds you of this Hadeshi Hino comic. I think it's just literally called Pig Farm. Staring up at me was an armless man. He slithered on the floor like a worm. His bald heads.

I'm sorry. That's kind of sick. I'm sorry, Hunter. I thought you were upset when you found out this was a half. hell depiction. Well, I like armless dudes slithing around the floor like a little worm. Okay. You just like that. There's something funny

about that to you, about disabled people. Something crazy. You know, between that, between you laughing, people getting hurt, between you laughing at Diego, the guy you lived with who, like, couldn't speak your language and stuff. I feel like, I feel

like there is something, beautifully reminisced. Beautifully reminisced. I feel like there's something to you about the suffering of others. that you should probably think about i feel like you are hitting the hammer right on the head hit the hammer on the nail with that one that's my that's my cute uh that that's that's my cute little quirk though you're you're into right suffering like no not that i'm into suffering but i it makes me uncomfortable and i giggle oh okay see that's why that that that that makes me so cute off by it that you have to laugh i think i'm so shocked by it at times that when i see when i hear

the idea of a first off that was the man holding the brick you know and then he uh you know was he holding it doubt he doesn't have arms and he slid in the room like a little like a little worm to me i'd be like if i was there i would it would it would just uncomfortable think how dirty his belly is think how dirty his belly is his teeth had been removed and replaced with long screws which jutted from his bleeding gums like a broken rock formation that's sick I'm sorry I thought you didn't like that this was hell

it's almost like if the author's creative you can use hell for some very interesting body horrid I don't know why you're trying to throw me down the river here I was just I was a little disappointed and I think this is cool it's like a key what kind of reminds me up is like the Silent Hill or like old PS2 horror game stuff

south hill or fucking like almost like the suffering too because when you use supernatural themes effectively you can get to some really strange points like I just want to hear you say you were wrong in your conception about it I don't think you'll admit

that we'll see as the story goes on of course if I did want to do it right now then I would pretend like I've never read the story before that did happen don't have a twist I imagine your room

is completely flooded and you're just on a giant shark floating Don't ever twist what you can't see Bro, what did it be wild This would be a great bit If I had read the story previously Because like again Hunter can't see me When we record these things

What if I just like had a shark floating setting In my lap? I would be pissed And you didn't know Until you watched the episode episode when it's posted, bro. I would watch the episode. Now I'd be like, you son of a bitch, is what I'd say.

I was like, I fully couldn't trust you if that became the fact. There's no way. Dude, I got, okay, I've got to chat, chat, chat. You guys got to keep me accountable for this. We have to do something like that in the future. We got to prank him with some elaborate. Okay, anyway. Come on.

Oh, man, that's so good. All right. The episode ended with them playing hide and seek with the kids hiding in a closet and Mr. Bear counting. Oh, my lord. How are you feeling? Oh, my Lord. Okay, I'm not going to lie. That kind of, I was like, I got like a bad taste my mouth.

I felt a little something crawl up my spine there. You know what I immediately made me think of aesthetically was like the Poughkeepsie tapes. Yes, yeah, yeah, the Poughkeepsie tapes. It's like the very, the very infamous one where it's like the, it's like the guy crawling down the steps in the basement and stuff, all that kind of stuff. Also, how cryptically vague everything is. Also, it's like I, like recalling these things, it feels like it's like recalling a dream or something. It's just, ugh. We don't know the intentions yet.

You know what I mean? And it makes it so much worse. That's one of the most effective parts about the story to me is that, like, it's all relayed through just what the kids saw. So all of the intentions and things like that, you're kind of left to ponder with yourself, you know? yeah because there's something so menacing about that ending too that they were playing hide-and-go-seek and the kids were hiding in the closet with Mr. Bear counting I cannot believe my dad never found this sketchy

because he actually took me to the house and what what what what the what what the fuck what are you saying oh my god

time time out time out I'm saying time out please God hold on hold on

my word what I'm trying to wrap my head around that he actually took you the how okay

just keep going and then we're almost done with this one and we can actually see I'm so curious

to see I will say okay my God my God talk about get this child away from

this dad, by the way. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let's frame it, right? Because we know what's happening, but he said specifically his dad never saw the station, right? So a six-year-old company. He never saw the station, but he has led to believe, sorry to cut you off, he has led to believe that he has read, he has read that thing, right? As an adult, if I got a letter in the mail from a TV studio, presumably an adult, and it said, Dear Elliot, think you ever so much to write a letter, I would let to have you in my cellar? We play games, watch movies, and go fire camping in the middle of the woods?

Come to my house! What? It's like, the dad's just like, oh, I don't get a fault. Where do you need to go? What's the address? Or I'll plug it in. I don't give a shit. Sure.

Yo, Elliot, get your bag. We're going. He's like, he wants him out of the house. Yeah, I got TV to watch. That's why I bought that TV so I could watch my, my shows. Unbelievable, dude Even if you've never seen it I would never

I'd be like no Who who gave We're not You want to go to a cellar We're going to the It doesn't even say Come to the studio It says come to my house

He's like yeah that seems That problem makes sense That's where Jerry Seinfeld He films his all those episodes In his apartment So that makes sense Unbelievable Unbelievable

Dude Okay so I'm gonna run I cannot wait I cannot wait wait to hear this defense dude okay here's hear me out ladies and gentlemen of the jury the okay the father has not watched the program correct yeah he has just heard his kid like oh i watched this show about mr bear and he plays with kids or whatever right he think that's all it is it's a local show right which means it's somewhere around the

region so the kids like hey can i send a letter to this tv show and dad's like sure so he sends a letter letter comes back and yes while I will admit to the jury that the word seller is weird and that probably should have raised an eyebrow, he's also heard that the TV show is called

Mr. Bear Seller. So say it was like it was Elmo's playhouse, right? If the letter said, I want you to come to my playhouse, that would seem normal. The dad didn't send his child in that direction. He was there with him. Like the

dad's like, all right, we'll check it out. And he walks up with his son and then the police become involved. Maybe the dad saw something. Maybe the police were already there. Who knows? But again, I will have that slight caveat about it. I just want to say that I have to question now if you yourself are Mr. Bear, because that's what that defense sounded like.

Because I want to say that, sure, he's never seen the show. If I would have sat there, let's say I've never seen Dragon Ball Z. and my kid says Oh it's a show about fighting It's a big power up Sure right Come go to Master Roshi's Island He says I'm like well that's a weird thing

And then it says The next line says Come to my house At what point would I be like Hmm That's kind of weird It's shot in a house Well yeah I guess

I also think it's being presumptuous That you said that he's like Because with how neglectful he's been so far I would almost assume this 90s father It's just waiting in the car All right I'll be here have fun get on in there

hunter those are gruesome allegations and I don't stand for it myself all I'm saying is I don't yeah I I believe at some point and someone will probably pull up this image I could have sworn that I've seen you

with some kind of giant teddy bear mask on and I just I don't know I don't know also you are rushing to the defense of this extremely quickly I don't know what you're talking about the defense of what i just think that he's okay okay he's looking at first he's a perfect

dad okay that's all i'm saying all right all right we'll see what this goes mr bear we'll see where it goes all right let's go be your new nickname dude i'm not gonna call i'm not gonna no longer are you win the good in my eyes you were literally mr bear is how i see this also you talked about how you seem dead bodies and real lives and stuff i think mr bear mr bear okay i know i've a YouTuber but that doesn't mean I'm a pedophile. Let's get that clear. I know those two often intersect. Oh, my line in the same. All right. That actually, now that you just said that, that's probably what it is because Christ's death on the cross is like the ultimate sacrifice for people. So maybe the Satanist used it here is implying that the death of the

children is the ultimate sacrifice for Satan, for the fallen angel. That probably, Something just dropped in my room. Holy shit. What'd you say? Did you say something dropped in the room? Dude, a box dropped off my shelf randomly in my room. Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, finally.

A fucking Elgado stream box dropped from the second. I don't know how, this is honestly, that's fucking me up. I don't know how it fell off that scared the fuck out of me. I will say, saying INRI is the one explicitly like, religious symbol that we've mentioned so far and when we mention it the box falls off your shelf so I want you to keep that of mine Hunter

that actually that actually I'm not even joking I'm like that actually fucking that scared the shit I'm okay holy shit good and my door is closed Mike my door's closed there's no way make fun of my wife open

yeah but at least she's just your wife dude do I have a goddamn demon in my room right now I'm freaking out well i know i know i got i got this and i got uh and i got this so i'm going to be all right regardless of dude you're saying this and this and i have no idea what you're referring to is making it even worse dude because you're not sharing what i could be using to help myself i got this dude now i'm at that i'm at that feeling where it's like i'm really creeped out i'm like hearing like little things i don't like this i wonder dude i wonder if you could

That was a pretty loud drop. I'm wondering in my recording if you could hear that. That was fucked up. Oh, wow, oh, what, oh, what, what, shut up, man. Shut up, go, go, go, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, da toca. That's my nightmare sound.

So I'm excited to get to experience it for the first time. Because most of the time, like, don't get me wrong. It's fun to know exactly what's going to happen and hold a teddy bear up to the camera. It's a terrorized hunter. That's great. Yeah, by the way, how dare you, by the way? Oh, yeah, the audience never got to see your reaction.

No, nobody got to see that. And I want to say that's bullshit. I had people flooding, flooding me on Twitter after the fact and read it and everything. And I want to say that, like, I saw the edit. I saw like when I was rewatching the cut and I was like, this son of a bitch, I was like the entire time played me like a fool the entire time. So I want to say, yes, I saw it. It's unbelievable. my mouth was a gape during the edit I the when I first saw the first cut of it my mouth was wide open I was like he he trolled me the entire time bro when you when you were like I think there's a picture of you with a bear and it was holding it I was just I could do was grit my teeth and clinch my fist and rage I was just like you you bastard dude you make me look like a fool the joy I felt in that moment

has to be comparable to holding your first born. Like, wow, I'm sure it's the same thing. Getting one over on me that much was that, was that pivotal. You don't understand how satisfying of a burn it is when you're like, I think you have a teddy bear. I, uh, and I keep gaslighting you. It's so good. As soon as you have your first child, I'm going to go to it. I'm going to say, we're on the same level, you and I, I'm going to say to him.

I'm going to shake his little hand and be like, we, we, you and I are one in same and again i'm actually normally i just gaslight you by being like yeah sure hunter that sounds cool we'll see because i know where this is going uh but this time i'm actually like yeah could be but i don't know i'm glad finally the sadistic mastermind himself can't play one over on me at least who knows you could be lying i have no idea that's right go back into your Yeah, let it sink in as I'm sitting here holding a shower head up to the camera.

Yeah, you're taking a shower right now. You rewatch the episode. I'm completely naked, just like... Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I see your cock and balls. We cannot put this in. I don't know why you had to stand so far away from your Logitech web camera.

Why was this recorded on an iPhone? Yeah, exactly. I'm like, this is unsettling. uh anyway uh you creep me out all the time so i guess we're even what that was a weird interaction this is what i'm thinking i'm thinking that this is just a fucking socially weird ass couple dude i've done some people like this are just some weird people yeah like where it's just like the guy's just like yeah i mean my favorite thing to do is play settlers of catan and watch the old gargoyle show on disney x d and she likes to crochet and eat pears you're like what kind of fucking

What world are you in, dude? Your examples are always so hyper-specific. Do you know someone who plays settlers of Katana, watches gargoyles? Yes. His girlfriend would crochet the whole time and she'd eat raw pears. It was so fucking odd. It was unbelievable.

I'm telling you. You're describing it. And I'm like, it makes sense to where it's like, then I'm reading this and I. I was really hoping she'd laugh. She did. You're cute!

Do you come to these movies every time? I was still reeling from what she said. Does she really think I'm cute? Does she really think I'm cute? Does she just mean I was funny? Does she think I'm attractive? I suddenly realized that she had asked me a question in my mind grasp for what it was. Yeah!

I said much too loudly. Yeah, I tried to anyway. What about you? I come here. I come every now and then. My boyfriend, oh, boo! No! Man down, man down, get him out of there! Oh, shit!

Emack, Emack! I come here every now and then. My boyfriend didn't. like these movies but we just broke up oh oh we're back we're back it was over but we're back let's go get a team back on the ground we're going for a second broke up so I plan on coming from now on she was that moan she doesn't know it I was trying to be casual but failed she doesn't know but I count the day that I met her among one of the few moments

of true happiness in my life. Well, that's an utterly depressing sentence. That's creepy as hell. Yeah. She doesn't know it. But I count that. It's like, why does she know that?

Like, why would you not want to tell your best friend that? Also, the friend vibes kind of strange to me. It's like, why is this girl who goes to party and stuff? Her quote unquote, best friend is a guy who doesn't see people for weeks on in?

Is she your best friend or is that your perception of her? I don't think it's odd also to tell us some, buddy of your best friends like hey when I met you I feel like my life is more enriched like I'd say that to you Isaiah I'd say you know what ever since I've met you and stuff I feel like my life has been enriched deeply and it doesn't it doesn't it isn't uh creepy yeah to say and hunter I would say the same about you until you reinforce the meat sweats saying a few minutes ago that was a significant downturn but up until then my life has been better since getting to know you what I was like the people on the subreddit might think when I was at your house too I was like what does he

Like, what does this smell like? So I went through your and Kayla's stuff and I was just sniffing stuff around because it's not weird. We're friends, you know? Where did it smell like? I didn't know. I didn't know if the, uh, the call broke out.

What did it smell like? Yeah. Everything from Kayla's stuff to your stuff all smell like old spice Fiji. That is the odorant that I use. That is the worst. Why did you have to guess correctly? What did you have to do that?

Dude, I got the nose of the bloodhound, man. Shut up. I'm switching deodorant. I'm telling. Nah, no, keep the deodorant. It's good. It's stuff.

Shut up, God. You're like a predator. You're like in the woods. Nah. Nah. I've read. Let me get through this. Granted.

Offly far place to be from your home there in Pennsylvania. What brings you down here? Now, if you wanted to go down to the bog, feel free to peek around there later tonight, friend. I'm just a regular citizen down here. Is that your impression to be? Do I have a Creole accent now? Is that what that was?

Down y'all, well, you're going to go down to the swamp, and I wouldn't say old Mr. Weller's voice down there, but good luck now, Mr. Pennsylvania man. Big City man coming on down to this year swamp, you see. Oh, big city boy. Awfully far from his hoity-to-y-to-y-loffly-lif. Big city-boy thinking he'll be coming down to this here, see,

and thinking he can't get by you see. But if old Mr. Wellers sees, then, oh, great thing. Yeah, don't say Mr. Welles named three times down by the bomb. Mr. Weller's not like it would say his name. by the bog city boy. Yeah, but anyways, you take care now. That's what you sound like. Oh, are you a universal donor?

Mr. Wellers likes them universal donors, don't you know? Oh, typo negative. Ah, his favorite blood type, yeah. Mr. Weller's gonna be pleased when he hears about that. Mr. Willer is gonna be very excited. Mr. Weller's... He loves people from Pennsylvania. When Mr. Wellers gets his universal donor blood type from Pennsylvania, you see, it's a good season round here, you see.

He runs a plasma, he runs a plasma blood bank. Yeah, they get down there in the ball. They get down to the swamp and it's just like, oh, I'm Dr. Wellers. I run a local blood clinic here. Hey, how are you doing? Yeah, how are you? He's like very normal. You're in the, you're like behind like an old oak tree.

What did I tell you? He loves you, don't know. You've not said Mr. Weller's name, and he's come for your blood, boy. Now you're going to get a glass of orange juice because you donated plaza. He that so's the wind, reapeth the whirlwind, boy, and you've kicked against the pricks one too many times for Mr. Wellers. Mr. Weller's going to go crazy in future episodes. You just got like a little, like, paw patrol bandage. You're like, no, it wasn't that bad.

It's like, beware, boy, Mr. Weller. Yeah, beware of them. Nah, nah. What are we doing? What are we talking about? We're adding lore to the universe. Mr. Weller will be, Mr. Weller is now our,

is now the creepcast, uh, Poultergeist. He is the ghost now. He's just a blood bank guy. He just works out. Yeah, I imagine he'll get legs. We'll see.

I feel like in the future, as, as time goes on, we will, I have a feeling will experience Mr. Weller again, enough. Okay. All right. Thank you. Thank you for that, dear, honor. Uh, no problem now, John. Which I'll actually now, is there, is there something that did that URL has to be taken, right? Username 6. I don't know. Let's find out. YouTube slash dot com slash 666. YouTube. Do careful. Do, bro, you do it. You do. You do careful. I'll, I'll, I'll send you the link. You do it. You do it.

Yes. I have the channel called 666. that has 6,000 subs, I imagine, because of the name. And it just has a playlist of two unavailable videos. Lordy Hard Rock. Oh, wait, oh, wait, don't worry. One of the videos is... Poor, poor Soccera. Well, forget it.

here it is western man here's your YouTube horror legend it all leads to this it's so funny that that's what the 666 analysts come to this this is what this is what it's come to this is this is a Barbie girl rendition of a uh a uh an edited clip of Naruto is pretty cool we probably can't show it because we'll get copyright

claimed but man this really is the west has fallen i couldn't figure out what it was from a distance so i went closer trying to be as quiet as i could when i actually got close enough to see what it was my mouth literally fell open it was eggs huge eggs all in a cluster like a nest Oh my god, dude What are we getting at this? What is happening now? I'm so lost in the stormlock. Is this going to be about a giant fucking chicken, dude?

What are we doing here? If this turns into a giant rooster, I am going to be so pissed. Because even the giant red, it's a speedy chicken cross the road. Oh my God. How do the chicken cross the road? Are, is this seriously where we're going, dude?

That's what happened earlier. Why don't you find out? We're going to find. Yeah. They were enormous. It's hard to explain their size, but you can sort of see them in relation to my boot here. So, what do you mean? It's hard to explain.

I see them. They're giant. In the previous, in the previous, there's a tree and they dwarf the tree it's literally the these eggs are like what they're bigger than a basketball yeah they're like basketball size just these big giant white eggs in the middle of the forest yeah but when they hatch they need to feed dude we're getting we're going to get into giant alien chickens how do you feel about that giant alien chickens i mean i don't know I don't know

I also I also am getting a I also am getting a feeling that this is Greg's real mom I want to say that I'm putting that on I'm putting that bet down Sure I think I said

It looks like it's like bloody Like blood skin Draped over a skull Whatever but it doesn't look like a regular nose It's it's arced in a way that looks beakish You have to be honest with yourself say it You're not losing the chicken narrative are you I am refusing until it proves otherwise

We are in giant egg chicken territory. I don't know. Okay. All right, so the giant chickens are out there. I like this one of like the blurred photo of like the bloody skull thing. Oh, it's fun. It's a really fun photo. I think that's neat.

Yeah. I will, I will mention that I have seen this character drawn in so. You don't need to, you don't need to say that. Hello, my name is Mitch. I'm here to tell you guys about. experience I had. I don't know if it was paranormal or whatever stupid words people used to describe. I don't know it was paranoid or whatever stupid fucking words people use for

supernatural phenomenon like ghosts. I already love it. I'm ready, dude. I haven't looked at this story since I was this is once again, this has got to be some primo very edgy like 13 year old. Oh yeah. Well, when I was 12, I'm like, this is so good. Yeah, this is fucking bad. I never liked. I never liked Eilish Jack that much, but I remember it. I remember it being like favored in the same way other stuff was. Like, Jeff the killer, the image was out there, so people made a story around it.

Same with this. Don't know if it was paranormal or whatever stupid words people used to describe supernatural phenomena. But after that thing visited me, I believe in that paranormal trash. Now, I believe in that paranormal trash, that fucking gun. beneath my boot. That's stupid idiot stuff. Yeah, it tried to kill me. It tried to eat.

It tried to eat me alive. I actually believe that. Now. I just look the pod. Now. The comma. Yeah, the comment is great.

Evan liked the idea of me moving in since we had not seen each other for 10 years. So I was excited to. The grammar is killing me. So I was excited. Two.

Two. Two. wait they haven't seen each other in 10 years this actually seriously might be a 54 year old and a 63 year old it might be yeah how old are these people my gosh I soon fell asleep after I moved in after I moved in the ball sleep I soon fell asleep after I moved in

it's like yeah you mean you went to bed there yeah so you just went to see you you fell asleep in the house what the fuck that like why This is written by an alien. After that first week, I heard rustling noises coming from outside at about one in the morning. I thought it was a raccoon, so I ignored it and tried to fall asleep. The next morning, I told Edwin about it, and he agreed. These commas.

Hey, hey, Edwin. Yeah, I think I heard a raccoon. You probably did. Okay. That's right. Hey Edwin. Yeah, there was a noise outside. Okay.

I think it was a raccoon. Uh huh. Do you agree? Yeah. Yeah. I darted up and looked around my room, but I saw nothing. The next morning. Edwin dropped his coffee cup when he saw me.

He held up a nearby mirror and I saw myself. I had a large... Edwin, Edwin, Edwin takes off a comically large gothic mirror off his wall and holds it up to his brother. It's like bigger than he has. It's like waddling over. Oh, no, look at yourself. You have a large gash in your left cheek. After I was rushed to the hospital, my doctor told me that I must have been sleepwalking, but then he showed me something that made my blood turn cold.

He lifted up my shirt to reveal a sewn-up incision where my kidneys were. I was Jack took his kidneys. Holy shit. He took his kidneys. He took his fucking kidneys. Oh my God, that's awesome. Oh, God. I like how I was Jack fucking like took the guy's kidneys,

but he's like, he's symptoms for you to remember me with. cut his cheek for what reason you already took the guy's kidneys he took his kidneys and then cut him on the cheek so that he would have a plot element to be scared of before he then goes to the doctor how did Mitch not wake up during any of this you have a guy cut this son of a bitch open and Mitch is like but but but he heard a drop he heard a drop he was like oh my god what what? He's like, that's nothing. It's probably just one of those raccoons, right?

Edwin, right. He's in an room next door. Right, probably raccoon. Okay. But that is good. Dude, I forgot. I thought I hadn't heard the story so long. From what I remember,

Elish Jack just kills you or something, right? I forgot about the kidney part. That's great. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I read the next line. I stared into his eyes, mind widening. You somehow lost your left kidney last night.

The doctor told me. We don't know how, though. Sorry, Mitch. That makes the doctor, to be fair, that makes the doctor so suspicious. We don't know how, though. I'm sorry, Mitch. I don't know what. Oh, you're missing your kidney.

Oh, that's weird. Mitch. Anyway, I don't know. This is so funny. Um, you're going to want to see this. You're going to want to. probably get they figured out. I fell unconscious and woke up in the hospital.

My doctor, the same one who treated me before, entered the room. I have good news and bad news, Mitch. The good news is that you had minor injuries and your parents are going to pick you up. The bad news is that your brother has been killed by some thing. Sorry. Yes. Yes. I've got good news.

You're all right. Bad news. Your brother's dead. It's just it's the fucking has been killed by some thing so they know what it is and then and then he just ends it with. Sorry. Sorry about that. The idea of the doctor just like he's about to go tell him his brother's dead. And he kicks open the door like, well, it's one of them good news, bad news scenarios. In the hallway leading to my room, I saw Edwin's body. What? Something small line next to it.

What do you? Wait, so wait, they just left his dead body in the house? They just, the cops just left the. The cops left his body. I looked at the thing I had picking up and nearly vomited. I was holding my stolen half eating kidney. Yes! Yes!

With some black substance on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh my gosh. That's so good. Oh, my gosh. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to take an even bigger cadaver.

I'm going to put you in a coffin. I'm going to put the bigger cabin on or the bigger cadaver on top of you. And I'm going to recreate the pen pal ending. And that's how I'm going to bury you. Oh, how would you like that? Oh, I hate you. Oh, why would you say that? You're a terrible person.

I, I know. You know that ending. freaks me out oh yeah i'm gonna be that forever for you forever for you forever those that was rude that was mean say you're sorry i'm not gonna say fucking fuck you i'm not gonna say you're sorry that was me if hell though okay i'm changing my will that if hunter does that to me i'm putting a bomb somewhere in his house you have you you're you have admitted to some crazy shit these past couple episodes God.

You're putting a bomb. Good God. That's more reasonable than what I was talking about last episode. If you tie me to a random corpse and put me in the ground, yes. I'm putting a bomb in your house without hesitation. Well, I'm going to start learning bomb deactivation then immediately. I didn't know, yeah. Well, I'm going to start learning.

What's going on in a roommate? Okay, yeah, whatever. Stumps. AVI. five minute long video where a man with no legs is attempting to break dance on a DDR mat

and what looks like I'm sorry Hunter is something funny is there something you want to something you want to bring up well the the structure of that a five minute long video where a man

with no legs is attempting to break dance the phrase is the word attempting is pretty funny literally literally it's just the word putting a tempting in there that makes it very funny and tragic what's funny about a disability hunter yeah nothing yeah that's a sorry let's get some measurements to see exactly exactly how much he's thrown What's the reading? Your baby just instant transmission out of your uterus.

Well, I don't know how I'm supposed to say this, but we've lost your baby. He's like, what? He's in my body. What do you mean you've lost it? Well, I hate to say this, but we seem to have lost your baby. Wordlessly, the man raised a shotgun, placed it against the boys' forehead blew his head on. I'm sorry, Hunter.

It's something funny. It's like something that. Ah. Oh, God. Like, like, I just keep what he said. The kids are, eh, eh. What a quick altercation. Just blew.

the child's head off with his sawed off sock gun okay sorry that's when you all get mad at me for picking stories that involve like tommy taffy-esque themes or barasca themes or whatever remember this is what i'm working with okay this is what i have to keep happy this is let me tell you that that was adult content into to get something out of just remember let me tell you that that was just that was unexpected that was i expected the child to be more part of the story okay sorry go ahead By searching Bill's house, the police found one of his daughters hanging by the neck from the ceiling in the attic. That's not good. She was only two months old.

It's something funny, huh? The baby was swinging in the attic attached to the ceiling fan at the highest speeds. I just imagine it's like, deal. It's just going so fast. They're like, Jesus Christ. The reason, audience, the reason this is funny

is because it's so over the top. Also, I like how I like to show a full picture of the baby, but they're like, we're not going to show its very human eyes. We can't let people know

the whereabouts of this baby. I've seen that baby on the street before. It's a protected person. but just like the black bar of the eyes. He showed a full picture of the dad, but we cannot let people know the identity of this baby. The baby was being flung 50 miles an hour on an industrial fan in the ceiling.

How good is that? So good. Bro, I think my skin is this moving. Like, oh, oh, my heart. Oh, it's so good. The monster's too close now, Isaiah. What is what the monster he's too close now he looks too close to us tell him to leave what monster what monster

are you talking about the monster that got her in the dog kennel oh stop what are you talking about don't you know I know what you're I know those big juicy lips are spread open and showing those big ass white teeth because you're smiling your ass off what are you talking about Why are you talking about my lips? My big juicy lips. I like the word juicy being applied to me in any respect. What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Do you, that's a compliment, juicy? I don't know about that. My wife said it. Maybe I take it as my big juicy lips. I didn't feel like a compliment. This, the day of the dead thing, is infinitely important. The whole attraction, she's hot thing, is window dressing.

the fact that she is there for scanners and then wants to see day of the dead she is going from kronenberg to romero that is a prize that is something he needs to get a hold of just and advice for my boy windigoon my boy went to get up on the table right now i refuse to stand at this point in time the way the when when i first met my wife when we were friends it was right before Halloween and she was like, oh, we're having a watch party for all the Michael Myers movies. All the Michael Myers Halloween, do you want to come over? And I was like, oh, you're having it? She's like, yeah, I love

all the old slasher flicks. Like, done. Here we are. Here we are. I'm like that one. It's not getting away. Then she was creeped out because you said, you said the magic words. Ring a ding, ding. You said the magic words. You're saying it in like a Jesse Pinkman

voice. Yeah. I asked again and she replied there's a man at the door then 10 seconds later and a woman at the bottom of the stairs all right hunter let's roll play you're in this scenario what's what's step one first off I just want to say two minutes is forever I mean actually think about sitting there in silence for two minutes 120 seconds absolutely not like they know long that'd be I think I'd probably be very afraid and I'd probably be a rational I'd be like hey hey hey I'd probably start saying that hey hey that's your defense mechanism yeah and then when she turns

at me and she's like there's someone at the stairs whatever I'd say I'd say right I'd kiss her temple I'd open the window and I'd crawled the window I would I would chalk up the house as a loss on my taxes and then that's what that would be it I kiss her on the comprehension of my I kiss her to I kiss her on the forehead and I say Austla Vista baby and I would just open the window and scurry my fat ass out there I mean, the hey, hey, he's really funny.

Imagine like something really unsettling. You're like, yo, yo, hey, hey, hey, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, Faye was irritated that I'd done this without her permission and waited outside while Kay said up, dude, if my wife was doing this, and then she was like, I'm, I'm just mad that you got holy water, bro,

I'm, I am, I am tying her in duct tape and dropping her off at a nunnery. Okay, you know what's fun about all this? student. I'm, I'm already, I'm already across the country. The town, I've already talked to the accountant. The house is like I said, well, I've gotten that written off. I'm already. What wife. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I'm gone. All right. Been gone. See, people, people are going to judge me earlier on this story for being a bad person. Then they're going to read this shouldn't be like, oh, boy, there's no way in hell. I'm like, I'm not going to get to that spot.

There's like, what do you mean? Oh, she did it like the priest. That's weird. I was gone three weeks ago. Yeah, my ass is in, my asses in Maui right now. My fat, I'm drinking a pinia calada. Couldn't be more strata. I have had the best sleep of my life. I don't believe at her. She's still on the mountain up there. The, you know, she's dead, but whatever, you know, we live and let live. When I laid down next to her, she leaned over and with her eyes still closed, said, they're going to kill you. And then licked my face. Oh, my wee pinocados wasting away. Yeah, you know what are we going to do about my, but our, you know, my wife, I love

her, right? My ass is on a plane. I'm like, uh, take me down to Cocoa, Mo, but not too flash, they will take it slow. Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I want to Jamaica, who I want to take it to. Some people claim that there is up. Poor me's up the tall,

strong, make it a hurricane for I go insane. It's only half past 12. Like biblical levels of running away Like jona levels of like I'm seriously going to Any time I watch any of these like movies now I'm just going to think about a person

Listening to fucking the beach boys Whatever Uh her mom Laura admitted to me that something had happened to Faye as a child at the cabin What up. What a fucking bitch. I would be like, you know what?

You're going in the same house with her. I called you over this in confidence and you lied to me. You knew something was happening and you lied to me. You kept this for me. This is my life and your daughter's life. Sorry, I have to admit something, but something did happen to say as a child. Why did you tell us? Yeah.

What the fuck? Aruba, Jamaica. Oh, I want to do for you to Bahama. He does this for two reasons. to work on his art commissions and to make sure Faye doesn't stab everyone to death and burn the house down in their sleep. Hey, Hunter, if I just called you

and was like, I have to go on Yeah, no. No, because your house would be a vacated, I'd be a Maui with a Pena Colada. Wasted away. At the end of the pipe was a simple shower head. Aimed down towards the ground. You know, yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. You know that feeling when your stomach drops? In this case, I think mine literally did because I vom- Oh, that was the story. Ugh. What? Oh, no, I'm just listening.

Oh, oh, sorry. I thought you thought I asked, you know, when your stomach drops? Like I personally was asking you, that wasn't part of the story. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I definitely do. Yeah, it's, I know the feeling. No, I did you're feeling. Hold on.

There's like a three. There's like, oh my God. Yeah, sorry. I'm just now realizing. Yeah. Yeah. That was too good because I kept reading the words on screen and you're like, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, I was like sit there. I was like, yeah. I did. My stomach did drop. Wow. Wow. Wow, Isaiah. Good point.

I never thought of that. Well, kind of almost look like the dad was getting a little freaky with the squid, though, huh? Yeah, yeah, just to end up in the air. He's like, God, what are you doing to me now? Oh, son, get inside, Rocky, he's not feeling well. Son, I did, you need to go, tell your mom not to come outside. I'm going to be busy with Rocky for a little while. Son, go inside and get my jar of molasses and honey.

Quick, go. Your daddy needs it. Avery Jones is assimilated. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, it impregnated me. Son, you're going to be about to have a new brother or sister from your pop here. Avery Jones is now pregnant. I fucking covered this SEP, and it kind of reminds me of that.

It was the, um, I was a second, let me see. The flesh that hates. Yeah, exactly. Six, ten, I think. Yeah, the, uh, the flesh that hates. That's how autistic I am. You said, you said, it's kind of like a flesh and I'm like, oh, 610, the flesh that ate, clearly.

610? Yeah, no, I know that one. Yeah, I don't know. Well, boys, sometimes you have relations with a dog and you end up getting a brother. Yeah, come here, I beat your brother. Sometimes you just go, sometimes the dog's acting kind of funky and you got, you got to know it in the biblical way. If you're hearing what I'm saying, Bob. Peanut butter is in the Bible.

I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go any further than that. The next one is called Star Kill. Okay. I just imagine like, never mind. I can't. Yeah, I can't say what I think. Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, let's go. It does look exactly like it says virgin anus. Doesn't it look like virgina anus? I think what it is is it's Virginia Nuss. Probably because you know they name it off of like where it was discovered. Virginia's probably Virginia. Yeah, Virginius. This is the worst like it says.

This is the stinkiest and worst case of a vagina anus I've ever seen. In a deer or dog. God help us Let's go back to the I'm really tickling myself with that one I can see that Ray O'Connor

Is that you Mr. O'Connor? I want to see the guy fucking the dog again This is the last non-appearance of Officer Sampage I love this Did you get the butter yet for the dog? Yeah

now here's the thing officer andrew webster you'll get me a pint of honey and a raw stick of butter and will be just fine officer i don't see what the problem is if the if we're going to eat animals then we might as well like he's doing all like the twitter justification for oh my god get on the ground okay well now you think you're twisting my words Did you bring the peanut butter? I'm looking for peanut butter and olive oil now, sir. I keep changing up my recipes. Rocky loves it all kinds of different ways, officer.

Oh, gosh. That's so gross. I know. Okay. Daddy? Where's Rocky? Don't worry about it. Don't worry, boy. Why don't you go ask you, All dogs go to heaven.

So like I said, this should be in British accent here. So let's read this first part here in a British, nice British accent. Sorry, I've not been in touch, guys. It's been a busy month. However, I'm pleased to announce that, as of yesterday night, I finally touched down in Phoenix, Arizona. I'm posting this log from my first American hotel room, which offers a gorgeous view of

both the state hospital and a local prison auspicious times drop me a line if you're in the city or if you have any information at all okay so i want you to know that's a better brish accent than i've been doing but you did sound like either a ii or a robot butler drop me if you're in the city or you have any information that i had to align all of my chakras to get that out okay i think i think it worked well it worked very well sad part of me we realized that this was the closest thing I'd had to a friend in almost a decade. I found myself looking forward to the discussions we would have after each meal. I'm laughing.

I'm laughing because in a sense, you are my parasitic twin that I read to. What do you mean? I was just reading that. And it was like I would I would read to him and the part where it's like sometimes it would talk to me. sometimes sometimes I would have this is a

creepcast origin story what is it is and it's like this same hunter I know this is fucked I was a

big lipped big lipped Hawaiian shirt wearing men there it is there it is and the twin could control

fire and also yeah there you go what was a little a little punk and sometimes I'd have to stop and explain an event to them, but most time they just listened quietly and waited patiently.

Is that's been the entire time? That's so you afterwards, we would discuss our feelings on the book. What we thought was going to happen. The creep cast origin story. And the next one's great. A sad part of we realized this was the closest thing I had to a friend. Yeah. I found myself looking forward to our discussions.

I didn't need to ruin it, but I think I just did. Oh, well. It's great. A lot of people have commented on this story being like, I would assume a title like this would be like some weird gay conversion thing or something like that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you kind of the train you're expecting it to go down. But I don't know where this story's going to go, honey. It could really be anything.

I just a baby. I'm a little baby. Mommy want milky. Baby want milk. That is a wild accusation. you're right though like it does have the same vibe it's funny that you see like gay conversion camp because it has that kind of fanatic yeah yeah it's like it's like a passive aggressive sign is what it feels like yeah the eradication of abnormal sexuality it like smacks with the pulpit yeah

you know and also like you have to kind of transport yourself back this is 12 years ago right so oh yeah i guess we should have said that uh this is posted 12 years ago so it's been a while yes by user wreath, by the way, R-E-A-T-A-H-E so for credit. We were going to mention that at the beginning but at the end, I mean, but, oh, you did? Oh, okay, well, I said it. It's just that whenever you start talking,

my brain just kind of like zones it out and quits paying attention because I don't care. I don't know how to process words. I just a little baby. So you have to take yourself to like 12 years ago. How did they die? I was the best to talk about anything else.

and the story of Mira's uncle's interest of me. The McCasky Boys? I don't really know. They died on the mountain somewhere. Oh, well, have you heard about the skin men? Sadly needs to find a better way to approach people about the skin men. Oh, her uncles are dead? That's weird.

Hey, have you heard of skinned men before? Yeah, exactly. This guy, he's like pouring his heart out. He's like, yeah, I mean, you know, it's a lineage thing. I don't know if our marriage is going to survive it. And he's like, yeah, that's weird. Have you heard about the skin men? and then the guy's like skinven

man we were joking but we hit the nail on the head for how absurd oh god I don't think so what about Barasca yeah Sam does doesn't give a fuck about anybody he's just letting them fly like out there in the air however as more time and energy is invested into the development of the platform

they begin to harness more influence on their environment until eventually exhibiting the semi-permanent physical appearance We've sought to answer a very important question. Can thought forms be created in a manner that would benefit American society and help keep American cities and safe? That is so funny to me. The delivery on that where it's like, so after finding out this earth-shattering information, we asked the question, can this benefit the U.S. government? It is a pretty good comedic beat. How do we do this?

Can we will this benefit the U.S. government and can we weaponize it? pretty much is what they're saying. How can we thought form an A-10 warthog to smite our enemies? Can you, can you thought form a black hog helicopter? I am currently thought forming a fleet of kamikaze violence to rain down holy justice on those who have wronged to me. That's the power of thought form. That's the power of thought form.

What about this next part? Because you said dress portions, you think you're like, And they're like, that's when we bring in the velociraptor. It's like, it's like a 3D model of the velociraptor. This section ends. It's like, I really want you to think about a dinosaur. Yeah. Bring back to dinosaurs.

Bring back. It's like, it's like a five-star general stated next to the chair. Like, I want you to think about a lot of dinosaurs all at once. I need you to think about a long neck with a rocket launcher. to a spine. Can you think of that for me, Mr. Unit 13 needs you. And also, while you're at it,

if you have the tongue, can you think about an eight-foot-tall copy of Gwyneth Paltrow that has... Can you think of an 8-foot-tall... Gwyneth Paltrow with missile titties and she has a big goop candle coming out of her hands.

Her goop candle that says it smells like her of a... jana could you go ahead and do that and she also she also doesn't understand what uh love is and she thinks that romantic interest is the same as motherly interest and she thinks i'm her son you're actually you can you can you can you manifest guida patro and to me she's really skinny but to everyone else she's really really fat also can she can she have a penis please Thank you. Just, like, combining all of her movies into one character.

But also, um, that everyone else doesn't see it. So, uh, I don't have to deal with the repercussions. Can you make her visible in all that? I can see her. She calls herself Pepper Potts. Actually, you know what? Scratch that. Robert Downey Jr.

8 feet tall. Yeah. Huge rack. Kill this guy. He knows too much. Kill him. The guy's like, I've been here for three minutes. all right he knows too much kill him

platforms can also take on appearances that could be considered disturbing like a creature one might see in a childhood nightmare there's no reason to be afraid however all platforms are docile by nature and while they may look or behave in a prostitute panic and though they are capable of making physical contact they pose no threat despite being able to appear as a childhood nightmare

and have a physical form and touch you that it won't Don't worry. If you see the shallow how version of Gwinnett Paltrow and the manifestation of a spider, don't worry. Her fat ass can't hurt you. And if you're going through the hallways and you happen to see an oiled up Kim Kardashian that's nine feet tall and thinks I'm her dog, ignore it. Go somewhere else. If you see a floating purple cancerous cloud of energy that's representative of sadness, don't worry it can't hurt you

there's no way there's no way the human mind can be like oh okay imagine saying that spider out of the woods you know what you can't hurt me there's no way there's blood all over the ground

there's nothing to fear but fear itself yeah there's nothing to fear but fear itself that's scary bro why are you giggling you're fucking freaking me out dude i'm like i'm like i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm just i'm thinking about the of like a general

like a Sam Elliott type just as the machines turning on being like but also I want her to be like 5, 6, 5, 8, not definitely not over 5 8 and maybe also if she could smell like a citronella candle

on a midsummer's evening and have some freckles but not too many that's right partner and if you could did you make her not taller than 5'6 and I want her to smell like French vanilla coffee made it cross. Coffee Griemer, thank you.

Did you go ahead and do that for me? He's just getting like so hyper-specific. Yeah, he's like, I think I do it. He's like, buddy, you manifest as a six-foot-three basketball player. What the hell's going on? Where's your mind at? Are we going to have problems or what? If you could make her maybe a little bit upset when she comes home from work in the evenings,

and that's understandable. But after a time of comfort, she likes to be held and release her frustrations in a healthy and respectful manner that causes us as two people to grow closer together over time that would be great like you could you go ahead and give her one leg and she's always on a roller skate I just want to see how fast she can go I just want to put her on top of a hill and push her down and see what happens

her impeccable balance could you do that oh go ahead and put a couple rockets on the skate too so down the hill also if you can give her one arm but the other one's an oven mitt yeah give her one baby arm and then one regular one but it's a giant oven mitt and it's actually the hamburger helper icon the talks could you go ahead and do that actually scratch all that can you just make hamburger helper real you know what actually could you just give me Oprah winfrey thank you I love her book club oh I love her book club could you just give me all this means said it like a drive-thru yeah this is three minutes after the orientation VHS video can you give me over Winfrey from

1986 just around that time. Thank you. But also incredibly muscular. Can't you make her a bodybuilder? And oiled up as well, please. Yeah, he's going to oil her up and put her in a pantsuit. Appreciate you. He's like saying it

nonchalantly, like walks back, and then he's going to be obviously upset when he comes back through the results. Who the hell is this? Yeah, he walks. He's like, whoa. This isn't anything like oil in our rack this is it who did this who is the hell is this Dave is that you Dave get out here stop that yeah buddy you're sorry you're not cut out for this mainly faking painting or

watching TV you know boring stuff you fake the painting that's what he's upset about you fake the painting you aren't really paying those wonderful pictures don't lie who's painting those beautiful pictures i think about them daily oh god you fake the painting you are really painting those wonderful pictures he's he has to be mentally gone real quick fellas he's playing it way too fast that that kind of move that's like after your your first or second confirmed date. You don't trick a girl into showing up with friends. The friends aren't there and then you're trying to hold your hand way too fast. I legitimately thought that you're going to say something about putting your penis in the popcorn bucket. No, no, of course. Of course not.

That's the third day. Guys, he's playing it all wrong. He's played it all wrong. You cut a hole in the butt. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You get the dune popcorn bucket. Yeah, perfect. What'd you expect? The theater had long close, So I only had one option. I told her that I was going to go behind the theater to piss, but that I'd be back in two shakes. It was obvious that I thought it was hilarious, and she seemed to laugh more at how funny I found it

than at how funny it clearly was. What a fucking dork. I'll be back in two shakes. What an actual fucking dork, dude. He's like, I'll be back in two shakes. She's like, yeah. He's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you get it, my cock? Do you get it? It's a joke about it.

I cannot find the name of the person. Whoever the author is probably writes elsewhere. So the Gregory 88 was like, oh, let me do a fun little Twitter ARG. So it was something they were kind of doing off the dome, you know. And then I think they wrote themselves into a corner. Right. Like they get near the end and they're like, ah, this. They were asking themselves a lot of the questions we were.

Like, well, what does the thing look like? What does it do? What? Isaiah. What? Dude, Greg's follows on Twitter is the fucking writing cast for Big Mouth. Look at it. What is happening, dude?

of Nick Krope? Oh shit, John Mullaney. What is going on? Oh my God. Did, did, was this, was this Twitter ARG written by a big mouth writer? There's no way. Oh my God. Oh, guys.

This is just. John Mullaney. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I'm done. I'm done with this. Did we just get trolled super hard? This is, I can't tell if I just got trolled or what's going on.

But this, I, I, we have to, I'm going to let the, the listeners and the, I'm going to let the listeners and the viewers figure this one out of their own. but I, I am mentally tapped. Now, babe, I'm talking to my friend's girlfriend. What is your problem? I guess I can't have friends. I guess I can't have friends. I guess I'm just, I guess I'm the bad guy. Isn't that right?

Oh, what, what are you? What are you going to go to the hospital? Like it's visibly leaking down. You're like, are you going to go to the hospital again? Yeah, I piss myself. Enjoy my weekend. No, I piss myself. It's not that.

it's not that I was working on model cars earlier it's glue it's glue Connie don't leave me baby total 180 I fucking love you

it's just the middle of the night yeah it's it's 3.30 in the morning gin baby don't let her bother you he's not even the same house he's talking to himself in a mirror he's like wine drunk what am I

what am I this god damn house fuck yeah there's like an Italian-American family next door buddy Jesus Christ just give her a rest drinks of water and get some sleep fuck you

the phone's not even plugged in he's like he's like Jenny why are we playing all these games sweetheart well don't me and you go get a lust in a little house of our own you know what you want uncle eric to come over you got uh you got jenny baby you got yourself a room that

smells like cookies if you know what i mean having that or be having the door be cracked open and you walking by and there's a man talking into an unplugged phone and his witty tides and he has like a bathrobe on he's like you want me go there look at your panties would that not be fucking yeah we're gonna go the house is like a venous flight trap huh yeah can you may like peek your head in on that and then you like he like looks up he has like wine he's like lips his lips are totally staying red from all the wine and he's like he's like I keep going to houses that are eating me like a bug I keep going to houses I keep eating me like a bug in the house.

The house wants me to be a bug. I guess that's what they want. House keeping. My buddy keeps eating like a bug in his house. My buddy keeps getting eaten like a bug in his house. Sir, I need to eat it. I need to go. Check out was six hours ago.

My buddy keeps getting it like a bug in a house. Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You really like that. Where's Jen? I bet. I bet you've been to just so the second store are you gin I think car are you Connie are you my wife I think there's just 25 honey I told you jins come and go away gin's gonna be irs soon I there's 25 empty bottles of barefoot red wine just

all of the all of the apartment 25 good oh god made some mistakes yeah we gotta go to the house do I look like Dionysus Do I look like the nionizes baby? Just like the rumba gut, do I want their diamonds? This is a bit because I can be just here a little pan, you look like see him. Uh, I, you're talking by the cops. Ah!

Have you been in the house? I'm trying to explore your second story if you know what I mean. Do you have a second story? Are you going to eat me like a bug? Do you have a second story? Are you going to eat me like a bug? like a bug. You want me?

You want to be a second story? I'll crawl in your red room. Eric, Eric walks in naked to a cafe, lays on the table. Eat me like a bug. You say that for you eat me like a bug. Yeah, you like that. What do you? If I like that.

Tell Connor, I want to come home. Let's how good. You tell Connie, I want to get the keys back. I want to get the whole band back together. band back together please that you do that or you eat me like a bug there's no there's no about it just going to different just like a ranting public service workers exactly so are you going just look at me like a bug what's I going to happen or not I mean you should look at me right now I need you come in truth.

I know, I know where I've seen you people for you. You think you're better than me? You think you're better than me? Because you don't, because your house only has one floor. Paints himself a grain, puts himself in a flower pot with leaves. He does, feed me. He's walking into like a

Starbucks completely naked. Scoot and forward in the pot. With like a giant fetus fly costume on. Scootting forward in a big orange pot. So I think I'll take a white chocolate mocha with non-fat milk extra hot and I want you eating me like a bug He's just completely like I feel like the house is like I don't want to fucking eat Yeah he like he's like he like comes up to the house he's like is what you want is this is what you want for me and like the house just like things into the ground really quick yeah the house he's who shows up and the lock doors He's like, let me in.

They won't let him in the house. They're going to eat me up. You're going to eat me all the way up. I was tasty before, but not now. Okay. Still, yeah, just like throws the empty bottle of barefoot wine at the front door. I'll be back. He's still in his pot,

though, he scoots away. The police show up and he's like, this house likes, it's better than me. This house is that... I want you to shoot me four times in the chest. I want you gun me down right here in front of his house. I want to be a martyr. Can you make me a martyr please?

God, we gotta finish this story. Get me out of this. We also, we also have to leave. We have... I want to be just like, I want to be Mother Teresa. I want to be like Jesus and die right here. Jesus Christ.

I want to be. Like a curatorial arm. I'm gonna pay the house to eat you like a bug. Return of sweatsuit, man. This is the next day, Friday, October 29th. Yes, he's back again. This time he has a vehicle.

I feel so weird going back to like him being normal. Because I'm almost, I literally when I was reading it in my head, I was like, yes, he's back again. This time. he has a vehicle i saw him parked along the car just across the street from my building he was in this dirt cake pickup truck with crooked fender just staring at this main entrance like it was a bank he was about to rob i guess the rules they're homeless so who the hell is that guy

i don't like it and i'm really really trying not to be This character we've made up I love the idea of a drunk guy being like guys honestly I'm really really try not to be paranoid about this guys please and he's painted green in a flower pot scoot around

he's completely naked in front of like a city bank like with a giant laptop his little porky pig cock outside of a bank of America I think that guy's following me I think this guy's trying to eat me like a bud I think he's a bee and he's trying to take the pollen out of my head Don't, sir, don't let him take the pollen out of my head. I need, please don't let you're all bees.

He's like, freak out. Where's your queen? He's dressed like that stupid shop plant for Mario. Me, me, me, you, a bill should get the hell out of here it just went from like he was actually concerned like I gotta do where's the house

gonna do is it gonna eat me you'd like that what did you caught him we cannot record this late again I'm sorry to all the audio listeners my God okay I'm crying Okay.

Just thinking about a completely naked man and green potty paint, like, I'm trying to keep it together. I don't want to alarm anyone. But I'm getting kind of scared. Don't look now. But I think they got across the streets looking at me. I think he's kind of weird. He's just like taking a shit. He's taking his shit.

He's like standing up right, taking a shit. shit on the ground. I think that guy's starting to look at me weird. Don't worry about that. It's my fertilizer. It's like rolling down his leg. It's just the wet as diaries. It's the fertilizer. Don't worry about it. Just keep it on that guy.

He's on a laptop, a 2004 laptop, like guys. Yeah. Just a Fort Shiba laptop. I aming Jenny. go pick me up Connie kicked me out again yeah Connor won't I keep soil in the bed

with my soil I should be working Jen in her head is like I hope he's doing okay she pulls up and he's dressed like a giant penis flydress he'd be gone for six days

Eric what the fuck Connie I thought you were dead oh I'm bling ending in so it won't find me con yeah he's like standing by a tree how could you see me in the garden do you don't think the house can see me do you if it sees me i've had to leave me like a bus see in a two-story victorian house walk around here abbey every house he passes he like hides he's like you can't be too sure with these things

Oh, God. Okay, we have to continue. Yes. So after that, he exited Sherman Way and headed east. Then I got stuck at a light at the North Ridge Med Center and lost him again. I just, I just kept driving and looking. I thought, I'm sorry, I'm just imagining like a naked guy in green suit. By driving a car, trying to be low-key.

It's hard to press the gas in the brakes when you're driving. There's a giant flower pot still in this deal. So he's like, er, he's opening up tiny wines of barefoot red. Sip it on him like a baby sips on a binkie. Oh, I'm so tired. Oh, God, I'm tired.

I'm just the thought of a good completely naked and he has on his feet in a flower pot and every time he hits the breaker it's like the loudest

you've ever heard like click click click but he's trying to hit the break but he's trying to be low key and tail someone Yeah, large, large, large green leaves and stuff are going out with the windows. He's trying to be inconspicuous, but he looks like a goddamn parade outfit.

It's like right through. The car is also painted like a Venus flytrap. Yeah. Yeah, it has the, it has the Rocky horror or it has the little shop of horrors mouth on the front of his car. He had it modified its own papered machine and stuff. He honks his horn and it does

feed me. I'll finish it. I gotta get through. I gotta get through this car. Oh, I'm so tired. Oh, God. Oh, man, I want to go to bed. Um.

Editor was reluctant to go back. We all were. But he knew he had to. Why does he have to? Why does he need to call the police? What do you mean? Well, we will after we do our edit because we're interns. The editor leans around.

He's like, we have to go back. Could be a dead child. Could be a photo of a dead kid, you know. I also want to mention that in the last episode, upon watching the upload a lot of my impeccable Jeff Goldblum impression was cut from the final level

and I equate that to the burning of the library of Alexandria I think that is perfect art that should not be tampered with so this is your warning I am going to insert it into any location I can through this story and make it impossible

for the editor to catch all of them okay because I'm mad and we'll continue to be mad. Yeah. I, people will talk of the deletion of the Jeff Goldblum impression, much like Greeks wearing like robes

talked about the burning of Alexandria. It'll have that infamy. I think there were literally like 20 minutes of me sitting here talking in a Jeff Goldblum just just be going could be a dead child. Can be a dead child.

And my son been... Yes, they were cold and shiny and new now. I just opened a lens grafters off exit 13. Have you ever heard of a glasses world, KT? I just opened a linse crafters next to my cousin's Lidz store in the outlet mall. You have me the hat store? Glasses, you say? I just got a St. Louis Cardinal's hat with the Linscrafter's logo.

On it, Katie. You've got a lot of glasses. He says he's got a lot of glasses. Ben John Goldblum, your first customer. I could take my son. A Ben John Goldblum. He loves glasses. Thinking at Oakland Raiders, Hatten's a nice pair of plans.

Oh, Benjamin Blahs, and Oakland Raiders. He's standing and tall. He's very tall. Tiffany, you are alone. There's a TV. The screen is all fuzzy, and the tall man is watching it. Tiffany, I want you to focus. Tiffany, there's not a fuzzy. man in there with you god meet me halfway Tiffany this is an imaginary room

Tiffany I'm trying to redacted but it's hard Tiffany you're gonna make me lose my fucking mind there's no one there okay Tiffany what is the man saying he's he's speaking perfect Spanish Tiffany what the hell are you talking about Signor Goldblum, Benjohn, Gloombe. Hello, it's me. Would you like to meet my son, Senor Benjubljubljoo? He's like wearing a sombrero.

Dr. Redacted, I think it's Jeff Goldblum. Tiffany, just stop. Dr. Redacted, I think it's Jeff Goldblum. He keeps having. Dr. Redacted, I think it's Shaquille O'Neal. He keeps asking me for salsa. He's asked me for various bits of snacks. Dr. Redacted, I think, is the macho man, Randy Savage character from the Tommy Taffy Creepcast bin.

You know the episode people hated? He's a... Oh, Tiffany, I'm very well aware. But actually, if they think about it, the way that Hunter and Isaiah cleverly bounced off of the trauma in the episode for good comedy, really highlight. what Creepcast is all about. And I think they should get over it. Of course, of course. These are obvious facts that people should know.

But it doesn't matter. No one's in the room with you, Timothy. Even, even, Dr. Redacted, even the fact that it's a story and they should grow up and get over it. It's not like they wrote the story, you know? They just read it. And it was them experiencing it for the first time.

And maybe, Dr. Redacted. Of the podcast, right? Right. And maybe Dr. Redacted, the audience should lighten up a little. Dr. Reject that Isaiah and Hunter

are trying their best in general one. Well, Tiffany, I think they are speaking probably the most facts you've spoken today. That's right. That's right.

You're so right. The audience should lighten up a little bit, huh? Maybe let Isaiah and Hunter experience the story. I mean, it's not like they're trying to condone.

Tommy Taffy's actions that they seem quite opposed They seem quite opposed the entire time, as a matter of fact They don't like child abuse at all If you ask me It just kind of like Comes with the territory

Of reading creepypastas Maybe if they're reading Scary Stories They've never read a war That kind of thing can happen Oh God All right, let's go This isn't even a part

Of any of his research either This is just what he likes to do He just likes cutting open dead mice. He's like this mouse feels really weird against the blades of my scissors. And feels good. Jim liking. You ever cut of a mouse?

Jim liking. Whoever edits this, if you remove any of my Jeff Goldblum impression, I'm going to break something, okay? Let me have it. Thank you all so much for watching. Thank you for checking out Greylock

and bully Hunter about whatever I told you to bully about in the comments. No, no. Bye, bye. You let me into your subconscious. Now I'm not going to leave. Bye. There is one thing I want to get off my chest before we start, though, that mostly I feel

like you'd appreciate. I was in the city this weekend and some girl runs up to me. And she was like, oh, my gosh, are you that guy from Creepcast? Not Windigone. That is nice. Not Isaiah. That guy from Creepcast. That guy.

That guy. You're the guy who does the Jeff Goldblum impression, right? you do, yes, yes. Now, if she said that, I would have been thrilled. That would have been fucked up. I would have actually quit the part. I would have been like, okay, I'm done. I'm actually done.

I would have been like, that's right. That's me. No, she wouldn't know that because the editor keeps cut in it. The creep TV was the most, the most the Jeff Goldblum impression got out because Caitlin wasn't allowed to touch it. She didn't get a grubby pause on it. Enjoy it while you could because it's the last time. You just had an incredibly.

long detailed description of why you shouldn't be here at all there's bad spirits they're from the mind get away save your wife and you're like well i guess i'll camp out here another night i mean they put hold on well i guess i'll camp out here another night i guess i guess i'll maybe hope the dream catcher isn't demonic maybe i'll maybe all uh uh drop a nice bath i mean i have the robe after all in purple and I have a gun I have a gun all stuff I just have to cut out for the podcast no you're not cutting any

you're leaving all that you let me have this you know I'm scared I am right now oh my god the next line oh my gosh you're right about the next line sometimes she would struggle but usually she would just go along with her head hung low what a job

what is going okay all right I'm watching this woman I'm locking in I'm watching this woman get periodically kidnapped in this trapped room every day. It's like, oh, that's kind of funny. That's a little weird. She always looked peaceful and happy when she was painting.

And seeing her that way, smiling serenely from time to time, as she got something, the way she wanted it, it always made my day. She is totally going to paint something like, help me. Yeah, yeah, or it's going to be like a bloody face or something like that. Yeah, Jeff the killer painted. Yeah, yeah.

That's whenever she told me her name was Jeff. Red, red, red, red, red, red, where's the kill agent? Where do I fill the chamber with nerve gas? No shit. Kill it! I guess I'm just a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I just like the lady just looks at you who's watching. It's like, oh, what if I'm painting, Jeff?

What if it's Jeff called? Oh, God. What you think I forgot? I thought. You think I forgot about Jeff? I'm just Wade. I don't even remember where we were at there. Okay. As long as you gave it the treat it wanted, you would be not only saved but rewarded. That's assuming that you're in control of the negotiation, which I feel like is a misstep. Since it's science, it's too busy asking if they could, they never stopped to ask if they should. ...a...

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