CreepCast - Best of Creep Cast 2025 | CreepCast

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

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this is a post by the author um back on to the r slash mother horse i horse eyes horse i subreddit and it's a link to the song fairy queen by tammy stronark stranorch strodark uh some of the lyrics if i could be a fairy queen uh and i would hold a magic key to reveal the hidden secrets of the mind oh sing the darkest blue the mystery you go ahead you're the singer if i could be a fairy queen I would hold a magic key To reveal the hidden secrets of the mind Then I could see the darkest blue

The mystery that's part of you And I'd weave a spell to take away your sorrow Fairy Queen Fairy Queen Changing Teardrops to a smile holding day dreams for a while. Fairy queen, fairy queen, she shall shelter in the night, the guardian angel by your side.

Fairy queen, if I could be a fairy queen, I'd find the long forgotten dream That is deep inside the memory of a child. If I could hear that words don't tell From way down in the wishing well, Then reality would turn into illusion. Fairy queen, fairy queen, Changing deardrops to a smile, Holding dradyms for a while,

a while. Fairy Queen, Fairy Queen, she's your shelter in the night, the guardian angel by your side. Fairy Queen, if I could be a fairy queen, I'd take a walk behind the scene. Where the puppet acting plays that never ends, I'd pulled the strings to set them free. They'd play the parts most perfectly, and my magic hop would make them laugh forever. Fairy Queen! Fairy Queen! Changing teardrops to a smile, holding grey dreams for a while. Fairy Queen! Fairy Queen!

She's your shelter in the night. the guardian angel by your side fairy queen it's like that fairy queen you there at what point in that did you realize you were going to do the whole song why thought you side saying fiery queen dainting deer drops in the night did I kind of had a good flow there for a bit though huh I was going to read some of the lyrics that I thought

maybe related to our narrative but no I'm glad we used four and a half minutes air time for that that was it was great changing have you ever heard this song before okay okay so you know what I think that I was probably pretty close so here's the way you do now I want you to go to the top

where they link the song and I want you to listen to it did you were you listening to it before you started singing I was also this beat already i like it you were not all you were not singing it right that like you just made up a rhythm pretty much identical but i will say this is a bop and a half unironically this is on spotify i'm putting the shit into my playlist boom boom boom boom baby weird fairy queen i think mine's a little better but fairy queen changing deer drops to a spy whole daydream for a while fairy queen Fairy queen

She's your doctor in the night Okay We get it By your sign I can't do this anymore Okay Look Look

Okay Okay The purpose The Queen okay very so the lyrics the lyrics in here that I can't work under these kids

go ahead dude what you'd like that wouldn't you you like that once you're being free of me so you just do this by yourself all the time scream lyrics to songs you don't know Cut the song! If I could be a fairy queen, I would hold a magic key. To avoid the deepest secrets of the mine, the dig the seed that guns is glue,

the mystery that's part of you, and I'd weave a spell, take away your sorrow. Fairy queen, fairy queen, Queen, changing teardrops to a smile, holding daydreams for a while. Fairy Queen. Okay, okay, cut it, cut the song, cut the, no. Chicago! to Creepcast.

which I do say we actually just got a most wanted poster and for Tommy Taffey did you know that? I did not know that you see it right here. Hi come down the basement you're not my daddy so it actually hurts my feelings

more when it's closer to how I actually look I mean it looks pretty close I was over there he kept he was at the mic he was literally at the mic and he was doing this while we were sitting here waiting for the lights to turn on. He was really doing this. Because you can't, you just can't help it. Big old puffer fish, aren't you?

We're reading Elias Witherose. There's something wrong with Dad. You were drawing something. And I was like, oh, maybe it's a little bit for the episode. I'll wait. So I didn't ask and then whatever. Go ahead. What are we reading, Hunter?

There's something wrong with Dad, which is the future story of Isaiah. I'm very excited to see where this goes because I'm now picturing that you are the dad in this and this is your child that's how i'm picturing this and what's even funnier is that when we were reading this there is a there's so there is a not safe for work warning and there's an immediate and there's an immediate and this is the trigger warning off the top too right there is a tag right at the top this is child abuse i've never seen i've never seen the story tagged with child abuse it didn't it didn't but this one does and it's by the guy that wrote which we like Elias with the road. Tommy Taffey is a good story. He also wrote, Feed the Pig.

His best work in my opinion. Yeah. Great author. And then for this recording session, our beloved Harry was like, oh, well, you know, let's do, let's do this story. How about this one? And we look at it and it says, not safe for work. And I'm like, okay. And then click through tag child abuse. So I trigger warning. I, we don't have any, we have never read this. I have no idea. Harry has. So whatever happens he said us up with he and he is not, he's being very elusive with he's not what is in. Without further ado, should we just jump right in? I guess. Do we have. Oh. Yeah, go uh, we probably have merch by this time. Here's a link to the merch. New merch. New merch. We have a big backpack. That was it there was a tiny backpack. Yeah. So now there's a bigger backpack.

Can you put this on real quick? There's two. There's two. Let me put my, let me put my fat body on. All right. Do we have the big one? That's in the other building. I think it's in the other building. Can we get that big one? This is the first product sample they sent. Also, I'm a morbidly obese man.

Once again, not morbidly, but... Imagine... Imagine you pull out your creepcats backpack and it's this. I think it's a good luck, personally. Oh, did you need my iPad? Hey, hey, Mike, hey Mike, do you mind if you grab my iPad of my backpack? Nick, call my name as if, uh, as if, uh, we're at high school buddies. Or be like, hey, Hunter, can I borrow your notebook?

Hey, Hunter, can I borrow your homework? Hey, sure, man. I just ripped the arm off. That actually went. Great job, dude. We have a better backpack. I'm pretty sure. That was the proto drive.

To clarify the ones that are sent out, aren't that. Well, to be fair, you're not a gigantic worm man. You were trying to. I was just trying to get out of the back. They're not that small. Yeah, that was, yeah, the actual one. Same design, but bigger. For also all the beautiful audio listeners out there,

thank you so much to boost Spotify, Apple Podcast for the rating. Uh, a tiny little bank bank. All right. There's more than just. no no other merch items as well it's a tiny backpack and i if you decide i shattered it if you decide to support you would think that it was made of glass you would almost assume the backpack was made of literal stained glass here we go here now let me do this one now look at that now look at this

guy see now this is what we want you made these way to yeah they're for me let me put it on hold Yeah, you hear, let... Actually, that's gonna be a funny juxtaposition. Here's you... Now, what we preferred was large cartoony backpack. Yes. Like goosebumps.

You've got a struggle, too. This is really not a great promo for this product. You're getting that. Turn around? It's a big, fucking... You want to put your full child in there? Yeah, you want to throw a baby in there? You have a baby sister or baby brother?

You put several in there. You want to come to college with me? You want to get in? You're going to go to economics? There we go. I mean, look at this size difference. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I mean, it's a bit, uh...

There you go. Maybe, maybe you buy both. It's a rush. Nesting Dolls-style backpack. Will we do that? He can't feel pain. He can't feel pain, but see, this is the part where also the people are like, but I can change

him. But he can feel love, I bet. He can feel love. He needs to, he needs to want to feel pain. That's the difference. He needs to want to feel him. Or he's like, I don't deserve that. I see, yeah. I don't deserve to feel pain, babe. Yeah.

I don't want to feel anything at all. That's what I deserve. Oh, don't worry, it gets better. So, oh my gosh, I actually forgot about this. I completely, I completely forgot why he's called Tiki Tobi until we started. I'm having so many flashbacks. Oh, this is written from such a different time in the internet. I forgot about this.

Okay. He could have lost an arm and felt nothing. The other major disorder he had faced, which was the one that deemed him many insulting nicknames in the short time. he attended grade school before he switched to homeschooling was his Tourette syndrome, which caused him to tick and twitch in ways he couldn't control. I forgot about that. They call him Tiki Toby because he has Tourette's tics. Yes, yes.

I had 100% mental block that, but yes, he does. If I remember right, there's like five other disorders he has. Of course. There's a long. He's damaged goods. Yeah. It's like the author was so desperate to like cram every disability. Do you think they throw in the homeschool thing because it's also not only is it like, well, people don't understand me, but it's people yearning to be like, God, I wish I was homeschooled.

I wish you didn't have to go back to my school. You think it was one of those things? And also it's like the ultimate form of like society doesn't understand. Yeah, I just have such a black sheep. Yeah. I was homeschooled. for a couple years when I was a kid, and I can definitely say I was like

that this story would have appealed to me being like, yeah, I'm different. I am damaged. I'm so. I am broken. Yeah. I am tiki toby. Yeah, you're tiki toby.

So you have Tourette's and stuff too. I am broken. Pancakes. Pancakes. Okay, we can't. We need to cut that. You got to cut that one. We have to cut the Tourettech take for it, actually.

Hold on a second. Hold on. Pause. Pause. Pancakes. Pancakes. Okay, I'm not going to do it. I'm done. No more. We have to get it out now. I say, we have to get it out now. I think you're going to keep going. I think you can't help yourself. I don't stand by him. I don't condone him. Look, whatever problems you have with him, I probably have as well. We can come to agreement on this. Stand right by me at the altar. As I whisper pancakes in your ear. Not on this. Not on this one. Absolutely not. Pancakes. The widower's clock. It's the one where I know the one. Are you in a hurry to get home?

No. Good. Fletch pulled over to the side of the road. Took a shuddering breath. Punch the steering wheel twice and started bawling. It's kind of funny. That's actually what happens every time I go anywhere with you. Well, luckily, it's not too often.

So your fist and your lips. quivering, you know, you'd be all right. I'm at, I'm at you. You do that every time we go anywhere. That's true. That's actually very true. That's me outside the French quarters in New Orleans. Not again! That's why I say as I get dragged in, my nails peeling off, digging into the cement.

Every time I'm at the quarter now, I think about you looking at me going, get me out of here. Oh, you remember that, that the day that you weren't hanging out with me. me how you said you went to like a little bar area called the dungeon. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And you said you enjoyed it there. Right. Yeah. Okay. I was walking through the city, uh, a couple weeks ago. And, uh, I was talking to a guy who was a tour guide and he mentions the dungeon. I'm like, oh, yeah, I've heard that place is cool. And he's like, yeah, it's a BDSM club. They tie people up upstairs and they have these whipping parties. Listen, Dan. I said I enjoyed it. All right. We don't have to pick and prod at why. I just think of it.

It's interesting how you tell me there's like this place you found that was really cool. And then I later come to find out you have to go in there. It's a leather. No, absolutely not. Okay, first off, when I went in there, there was no BDSM stuff. It was just metal music. And then it had a bar downstairs. It's all like really, really cool like set dress and stuff like to look like an actual like dungeon.

And then upstairs it has like kind of a chapel looking thing. It was cool. It was cool. And there wasn't a single. And I tell you this. Someone tied up. People get whipped. Someone wearing a funny mask.

If there was people getting whipped in there, I would have liked it even more. I would have loved it even more. There you are. All right. Animal. Monster. If I was sitting there and I could have a fucking Jack and Coke

while a guy next to me is just like, damn, dude, getting in there harder. Getting whipped in the back. If old scary Carrie was sitting next to me getting whipped in the back, come on. Lay your shoulder and do it. Then I would have,

I would have loved it even more. I'd be like, hey, give me a dirty Shirley. I'm like, you want one scary, Carrie. Nah,

I'm on my, I'm on a diet. I'm trying to watch my fig. Get me a Sprite zero. I'm like, there's no way to have that here. There is no. Like, if it's scary, carry, if I had to say anything, I guarantee you, they do not have Sprite zero here. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm, like, there's no way.

I'm like, I get you, Dr. Pepper. Maybe a diet coat. I'm like, sure. Maybe a Diet Coke, but I think that's all you can ask. Now we're watching it. Yeah, now we're watching it. She's like, give me a gin tonic. I'm like, God, give her a Modelo.

For the love of God, give her a goddamn Modelo. Now scratch that piece. Give me a gin tonic. Doesn't touch it the rest of the night. I'm like, oh, yeah. I didn't even know we're at in the story. The dungeon talk really got me. It took you over.

My older sister, Caitlin, got her slip last year. And though she's been through her fair share-filled relationships, she's currently in a happy one with some guy named Roger. I don't think I need to tell you the name that was on her slip. Can you imagine your slips? your slips is like ternk or something like that. You get a girl named turk brownie. Is that like the word trunk rearrange?

I'm so tired. I'm so tired that in my mind while you're reading all I thought it was ternk. I started laughing. Turk Brownie. You want to know the best thing. I was, I typed in

Tirk to see if that's any anything. This was the first image that appeared. It's apparently some YouTube channel. this is the instead of a name it's just this image on the on the slip what am i what am i supposed to do with this oh my lucky you got turn that's what she looks like I'm so sleeping. I'm too, God. This is going to be completely insufferable to everyone.

I know. I'm sorry. Just randomly Turk. We're getting a lot of turk today, dude. It's a Turk on the day. Mom, dad, I want you to meet Turk. she doesn't speak human language she speaks she speaks turtle you're not fucking flirting around and fucking jabby die on the side it's like you're

waiting for your slip is what i would assume right right everybody because it's also like oh i don't want to date you i i have to i need my slip to know who it is also if you're older than 18 you would know who your soulmate is so maybe i don't know if you're a dirty leg you could be a dirty leg or dirty dick and try to like just be fucking around maybe but i don't know i don't know why you'd be dating in the thing in the thought that it was going to be successful yeah that doesn't track hmm i mean you know maybe that l turk this gorgeous woman i'm like yeah um i mean we can fool around but you're no turk turk so let's get that straight i'm saving myself for turk i love turk

i love turk anyway okay i woke up the next morning mr hunter brownie i would take i would take turnk's last name for my own Mr. Hunter Turk. Mr. Hunter, Mr. Hunter, Turk Brownie. Wow.

There's a ring to it, doesn't it? I woke up I woke up the next morning. My arm groping for my alarm to turn it off. Just like any other day. It wasn't until I just like, I can't, I can't read because that picture is so out of my peripheral.

You need to fucking minimize turks pro-ball picture. I can't, okay, it's God, it's gone, we're good, we're good. What did you do last weekend, Hunter? Well, went down to Victoria's Secret and got turks and brawls and panties, trying to spice it up in the bedroom. I like how the joke is just normal wife interactions, but the name is, oh yeah, because how the fun, I mean, like, well, we're, we wanted to invite you and turnke over for a barbecue tomorrow like oh no actually at this

point too i did she did say that she spoke turtle so she is an anomaly and she is that profile picture face so she is like uh she's a bit of a monster but she's by the love of my life so please don't fucking talk ill of her of course i would never mr brownie We're all pretty excited about it. Okay, all right. Paul's hot, man. We should go claim a spot by the river before it gets too crowded. Joseph was saying, to which my other friends nodded in agreement.

The river he was referring to was the biggest in the city, almost cutting it in half. It was a popular hangout spot and my friends and I have been going there for ages. But now my throat belt tight and my friends have turned 18 yet. I had an extra year of preschool when I was a kid. They didn't know the new rules. Something funny. it's just funny to justify that another than 18

and that's just because I had an extra year of preschool for a deal so it's not weird that I'm older it's just they're just my younger friends that doesn't make me weird or different or anything like that is normal Avery is the love of my life

and it's perfectly normal for someone to want to speak like this when you were talking it became Ben Shapiro in my mind the relationship i have with trunk or not trunk what was it turk turk my beautiful baby's name is turnk turn brownie she is the love of my life and i will not hear anything else of it i was hoping that if i got the ball rolling you would pick up with the bench

of your own turk thank you oh i'm not sure if it was just my imagination, but did Avery look slightly crestfallen? What a crazy word to pull out. It must have been, because the next second, the look disappeared, and he gave me another small smile. Pleasure to meet

you, Charles. It looks like he's not my beloved Theodore. I really wish your name was Teddy. That's okay. Say, you haven't seen a tunk around here, have you? I thought your name might have been tank that's okay my name's turnc turnc brownie

oh my I'm waiting for you my whole wife you know what what of this story does a thing though where there's multiple avery's your thing with that yeah like a girl shows up named avery yeah he's like he's like the guy's bisexual crisis dang it oh i kind of like both of them what if we all just kind of made this work we're polly yeah this world is a polyamorous hell is what it is well yeah portland wonderful what's your name dear jane richardson okay miss richardson you go down the hall second door on the right do i have to sign any papers or or anything. Nope. Oh, thank God. Why? I didn't want to do that. Oh, God. That was a huge load off. Okay. Jane replied laughing heartily. The reception is laughed along with Jane.

I would hate to get to sign papers or something. That face you just meant it was the scariest thing. I've seen all day. That would be weird Ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha That's them both laughing together Sorry the frog

Broke something I've been broke all week Okay I have your cash ready for you when you get done honey Perception is said smiling Jane did indeed have healthy clean blood

that's it's funny because now when you're a kid and you figure out about blood banks and stuff like they're like oh that's kind of neat it's like an 11 or 12 year old wrote this like that day i'm almost certainly i'm almost 100% positive this was written by like a 20 year old woman is how i see it i do have healthy clean bud just dreams like a little a teenage Girl killer. Okay. That's him laughing together. We've got to wrap up this recording.

I can't do this anymore. His mind was running three tracks about mine, so I didn't know what I was getting into when I said. Okay. I'll try to ruin your life. But I dare you to try and ruin my life as well. He smiled was a newfound enthusiasm. And I smiled back.

This has to lead to gay sex. I mean, does it not? I mean, am I, am I high? Am I high? I feel like this doesn't, go ahead. That, I'm having fun. So this would be the, that would be the more normal response. Like, just, like, if you had a prolapse, like, why don't you, why don't you ruin my life?

Why don't you come over here and mess this all up? What's I'm saying is, would you, could, would you consider ruining someone's life if you had a prolapsed asshole? like some red cabbage. Okay, okay, all right. That would be, that would be ruining some. Oh my God, what did you say? What? What?

What are you doing? What is that? Oh, come on, man. Little monkey brain popping out between your cheeks. Oh! Come on, man. Come on. We're all adults here?

I'm just saying that I've seen many, many a prolapsed asshole, and I feel like that would ruin my life. Have a little. have a little jellyfish pop out and kiss my Haynes underwear. I don't know if I, that, I don't know if that would consider that ruining my life, but that would be a good start. Oh, gosh, that hurts. What did you, okay, as soon as you said that, I threw the headphones off, haven't heard anything you've said since.

I didn't. I don't want to hear whatever you've said since. All right. Just. Oh, gosh, dude. That's, that would be, that would be a great way to start. To ruin so on a life. You have to sit on a ring,

like one of those little cushions. Stop, stop, stop talking, stop talking. Please, I'm begging you. Okay. That,

oh, you get, you literally, like, unlocked a repressed memory for me when you said that. What? What are you made?

Of something I read one time. Oh my gosh. Sure, buddy. All right. I thought it was just a good way to reiterate the, start to ruin someone's life.

Can we go back to the story now? The episode started off like any other episode, but had very poor quality animation. If you've seen the original animation for some enchanted evening, it was similar, but less stable. The first act was fairly normal, but the way the characters acted was a little off.

Homer seemed angrier. Bard seemed depressed. Lisa seemed anxious. Bart seemed to have genuine anger and hatred for his parents. Homer seemed to be angry. more angry. He strangles his son every episode in the sentence.

He's even more angry. He's even more angry now. Hunter, I need you to take this seriously. Sorry. You're reading history right now. That is true. It's like read of the Declaration of Independence and like giggling. Yes. This is like scrolling through the Codex Graphica.

Like there's a reference here. Stand up right. Actually one second. I'm getting ready to have diarrhea. One second. Is that real? Hunter just texted me. so much. I had a bad tamale yesterday. And it's been buckets of liquid ever since.

Must have been a big tamale. I think rotten peppers maybe, because it's fighting me on its way back out. Had to get chapstick. Gosh, she's disgusting. Feels like Buffalo Wild Wings Blazing Challenge. getting so many play-by-plays he keeps next to me details of how it's going i'm tearing up thinking about it oh that's really cool dude okay sorry about that now you're good man okay the episode was

about the simpsons going on a plane trip near the end of the first act the plane was taking off bart was fooling around as you'd expect however as the plane was about 50 feet off the ground Bart broke a window on the plane and was sucked out something funny Hunter that's just funny I like the idea of like 50 feet off the ground

he just broke Bart broke a window he just like punched out a fucking window and got sucked out of the plane the pressure difference wouldn't be enough at 50 feet you would just 50 feet is so close to the ground yeah yeah planes are at 50 feet above ground for like a millisecond yeah you're going fast but I don't think you would just get immediately sucked out of the window the Beatles cartoon lost episode yeah who's your favorite

beetle um Ringo he was just the goofiest best stuff like the song Maxwell's silver hammer all of them hated it when they asked Ringo's like I thought it was kind of nice. I enjoyed it. I think that it was actually caught as a good diddle. No, not Ringo. What was the fourth one? Not Paul or John. George? George. George is the one thinking of. Yeah. George is a

George is cool. Just you know, no one likes Ringo the most. Yeah, yeah, George. George was like the one that was just on sung hero. Yeah. George. The main man. Yeah, one's in there one when the beagle. Who's your least favorite beetle? John. John. Of course. easy. Yep.

John. I like the little the fucking beaver tooth bastard Paul McCartney quite a bit. Be wants to hold your hand.

Me wants to hold your hand. He was a good counter to John, to my understanding because John was like, no, we've got to change the world.

We've got to be different. And then Paul would be like, no. That's a dumb idea. I don't like that idea. You know, the Beatles. It's one of those things

when people were like, The Beatles are lame. It's like it's impossible to not like at least. I mean, it's like, it's like anything else. Like being like, oh, Elvis was, he didn't do anything or like he was lame. It's like, I really like that one that new editor that keeps saying the meme where it's like songs you didn't know, realize Elvis wrote. And it's like, jump all the house. Jump all the house.

And he goes, well, it's Rick and Morty time. The theme song. Have you seen that? Yeah. It's a good one. There is one night where, uh, Caitlin and I were driving home. I was really tired and she was just flipping through songs and that Elvis song came on I can't even remember which one it what the title of it is but in the beginning

like I heard the music and I go is this the song where he says I'm caught in a trap and as soon as I got done saying that he goes I can't walk out because I love you too much baby so why can't you see who what you do to me and you don't believe what I say we can go on together with suspicious minds and we can rid of our dreams with suspicious life to my old friend I know you want He's like, we're lost in a cloud with too much of rain. We're trapped in a world that stuggled with pain. And as long as a man has a strength to dream,

he can redeem his soul and fly. Deep in my heart, there's a trembling, I don't know, but I am sure that the answer is going to come somehow out there in the dark, there's a beckoning, oh yeah, and while I can think, while I can talk, while I can stand, while I can walk, while I can walk, while I can stand, while I can walk, While I can dream So please let my dream Come true Oh Right now He wrote that because

They discontinued Youhoo Just kidding, it was Martin Luther King died That's why I wrote that one Probably shouldn't put that in the airman The Lainel I don't even know All right

Yeah, it's okay Beatles lost cartoon episode Oh, also, I want to start this off too by saying Just to get a general consensus of what people think about I sent Isaiah this message No, please Before I said, Isaiah this message and he said, Hey, are you going to record now?

Or when do you get to record? And I said, I said, I'm going to and right meow which i thought was really cute because instead of now i put meow and now he's been giving me shit because i sent him a voice memo kind of explaining that joke um and i i was just do you want to play it over your phone isaiah instead of right now i put right meow like a cat I'm purring because I'm happy. I'm a good little pussy. I thought that,

I just thought that that was a fine. I don't know. I just, reaction. I just thought it was, you know, I don't know. I guess am I the bad guy for sending that message? I guess is why I want to know out of our audience here. But without further ado, I'm ready to dive in and hear about this spooky astronaut. Be sure to keep liking and supporting us on Spotify. Oh, true. True. See, now you're being, now you're being a cute little kitty. Now, you're being a good little kitty by saying that because also, be sure to check us on on Spotify. It's almost like it knows he's in there.

It's like trying to like shake him out. Almost like the way you would with like there's like a bug and like something. You're like, you know, like try to tear like shake, physically shake him out of the house. Like a cat in a box. Yeah, like a cat in the box. Yeah. I couldn't see anything. Is that a normal expression?

I was just going to roll with it. shaking a cat shaking a cat out of I don't know what you Missouri people do I was gonna let that one slide you put your cat in a box you shake it out you gotta shake him real gonna shake the cat out of the box that has been coined then that's I want everyone to refer to that as it's as if it's

very very normal you gotta get the cat out of the box classic scenario shake it out oh cat out of the bag that's the that's the phrase yeah we're gonna we're gonna update it though it needs to evolve the cat's in a box all right there you go

how do I not get the cat out of a bag it's such a normal expression well no the expression is now the cat's out of the bag yeah now the cat's out of the bag now the cat's out of the box it's not it's not flying it's hard to get the cat out of the bag why why was that when the cat gets out

there's a box line makes it refer to why do we put the cat in the box in the first place that Schrodinger's cat that's that's different and it was when he was done with it he was like do you want the cheese is that that experiment no does he give him cheese

No. What do you think Schrodinger's cat is? He's like, if you get the, if you eat, if you eat, if you eat this cheese, you'll get out of the box. Is that not it? What is, what is Schrodinger's cat? Are I saying his name right? Shrodinger. Schrodinger. It's a thought. What if you get this cheese, you can get out of the box? I thought he was just tempting with cheese. Is he not? Is there cheese, is there cheese involved at all? in Schrodinger there's no cheese

the idea of Schrodinger's cat is that if a cat is placed into a box that cannot be observed and in an experiment the cat is killed why was the reason the cat was killed again so what is so where does the cheese come involved then there's no cheese there's literally no there's no cheese at all they're I mean maybe they

poison in the cheese but I have no is it poisonous cheese is that what the cheese is there legitimately no cheese in this I don't think there's any cheese involved I have I swear to God in my life I've talked about it I'm like I've definitely been like I was like, yeah, you put the cat in the box. I was like, the cheese.

And like, people are like, yeah. I think people are like, sure. Whatever. I legitimately, I'm so shell-shock, there's no cheese. If there is cheese, it's such a minimal part of the experiment. I thought that it was a guy being like, if you, you will get cheese if you get out of the box. It's about killing a cat and that it's, in statistic like odds. I thought cheese.

The cat is, he was dead and alive until observed. The whole point it gets used is that in experiments, like the results. like the result is two things until observed is one thing effectively. It applies to like quantum physics, yeah. A result is two things until known as one. I know she's at all. There's no cheese in the experiment, no. June 2nd, after two days past, he says,

to take my mind off of what is outside, I dug deeper into the piles of books and papers scattered around the house, and I found something intriguing to which he sheds a picture of a folder that he found. It says there's a series of photos of the... The Mysterious Notebook. So he has three photos in total from the notebook. I regret my decision to stay.

It has gotten incredibly lonely. And I have come to terms with it. In fact, that I may never see Martha or my grandkids again. This is an old man's writing. Look at this writing. This is how an old man writes. I pray to God that they,

at the very least are safer than I am. I have no real caution or regard for my own life anymore. I can only hope that what I gather from my near-suicidal experiments can be useful to someone else at a later date. I either die and be at peace or get more information. Both outcomes sound favorable. And what I love, what I absolutely love about this, there is so much room still left on a line paper.

and then he and he wrote on the back of it. You can already tell he wrote on the back of it. You know what's really good about this? I, this would be the best thing we ever read if the next page starts. It's like,

I found a cat and a piece of cheese. I would, I just, we're done. I'm literally done reading. Yeah. So the, it wasn't pretty like,

explain to me, I know he's doing that to build up tension, but it's like, Tucker would tell him. like, oh, he exploded or whatever. Or even saying something like, there's actually no way I can describe it. They died. He's like, he's became into a pulp.

Yeah. It's hard to even describe. He got condensed into the size of a tangerine. You can give a little bit while still, but yeah, just it wasn't pretty. Yeah. What does that mean, Tucker? Yeah, I'm going on the West Coast. Thanks, Tucker.

That's really important. I stopped by a couple grocery stores, got some red cell cups and cans and we're making our way out there. They were almost out. Before I die, I want to hit the biggest wave. you surf too just turns like a weird bromance about surfing we got to hit one yeah we have to go down to Hawaii

hit the maluku makamaka what movie is that where it's like we got to hit the wave or whatever it's Keanu Reeves point break yeah had to hit that wave

almost a chicken run chicken little but that's but it's because I was thinking of what's the fucking penguin movie where he surfs and there's like a chicken and Napoleon Dynamite voices the chicken

right? That serves up. That surfs up. Chicken Little. Well, I'm saying not speaking of the fucking chicken. I want to surfs up is. I also want a fact check immediately on the Schrodinger's cat thing, that there was no cheese. I want a fact check somehow. Can someone please look at? Put it in the end. I'm just saying I want justice on that. Okay, but we're leaving this in regardless of what the solution is you find. That's fine. Chicken

little and serves up. Kind of similar. There's one chicken little is on my. mind because there's, I think that's an alien invasion movie. The sky's falling, yeah, and it turns out it's aliens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, my mind works in pretty interesting ways. Alina stopped my hand. Do your parents ever come up here?

She whispered. No, we're alone. Actually, would you mind if we just watch this? I haven't seen it before. Oh, no, that's cool. Destroy. decimated fatality

the war room right now losing their man's like get him out of there it's like run run we need evak

evang that's why if you're ever trying to do a little Netflix and chill always put on a World War II documentary

every time no interest in watching that shit I'm telling you that was actually so that was my move

Um, it was to put on a war movie or an action film that I knew for, you can't put on hamburger hill. No, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing that's like she looks up and she sees a man holding his guts crying for his mom. Nothing that intense. Yeah, yeah, nothing that or nothing too loud either. What you, the trick is you got to turn on a movie that you're like, oh, it's great. People talk about all the time. It's, it's a classic, but you know she's not going to care for it. like, um, like a taken or like, uh, um, trying to think of old war, or like band of brothers or something, right? Right. Like, it's good and she's heard of it, but she's going to lose interest and she is going to be looking for anything else to do. So I had to be like,

well, I've, I guess if you don't want to watch the movie, I guess it's something else. You heard it here first, ladies. Okay. What was your move? What did you do? I put on Green Mile. The first, the first time I was ever intimate with a woman. I'm not going to go to, do you grab it in a detail, but the first time I was ever intimate with a woman. It was when John Coffey was getting electrocuted. So you're saying first time you ever, like, had a moment just over the shoulder. It's like, I'm tired, boss.

No, it was literally, it was literally, keep the, could you keep the lights on? I'm afraid of the dark. The thing where he's being executed. So now I have a very, I have a very odd relationship with that movie. Dude,

it's cool. It's cool. So actually, since you disclosed that, one of my first, not like first kiss levels, but like one of the first, intimate times I remember was

Children of the Corn was on. Okay. Little children of the court action, Damien in the background, I don't like grownups. Yeah, so it's very similarly, I have very mixed feelings about that film. Sure. Now, like, because I remember being like super engaged in one thing and then like

it catches my attention for a second. It's like a kid screaming through town. It's like, okay, well, maybe I'll just turn away from that. that's funny we looked over this because there was other stuff going on didn't but that argument they were having where she was like I would never tell him so she was going to live with Kyle forever and never tell him

that they were half siblings like just live out their life together Kyle would probably figure that out so I pose this question to you hunter right now you found out you're in Allison or half brother and sister let the good times roll did you tell her

Hell no Hell no And you just You just would not I feel like also I mean I mean don't wrong It's disgusting

But do you I mean I feel like people Would be like I'm going That I cannot live with myself For what I've done Like that's so It's literally an Oedipus moment Yeah

Not as intense as a mother I don't think She's going to gouge on her eyes And throw herself off a mountain Or something like that Oh no Like the bummer We're siblings

Yeah That'd be rough I don't It's messed up to say I don't think I'd tell Kayla It's very It'd be a difficult subject It's weird

It's weird I would rather I would rather have sex with my sister Forever than have the uncomfortable conversation That's our We're taking our break now Half half Yeah it's half

Come on Wasn't until he was gone That I realized A Trail of Mud Only led outside Oh What does that mean He's flying

oh he flew in yeah he's floating or maybe he came in oh as a bat that's right that's right yeah and they smelt the garlic bread he did oh god that's totally stinky yucky don't like that no more who got the way then he just lunges at her that night I cannot sleep you know said in a weak hushed voice

I don't is my sister is she like you he nodded in a way that seemed he was confused that I was even asking that's awesome

are you fucking dumb yeah well I mean it's like I mean it's like yeah your sister dies quote unquote and then she's there every four years

for like It's past several decades. It's pretty funny. He's just like, dude, are you serious? It's been like 30 years and she has not changed. Are you fucking dense? Oh my God. Is my sister like you guys?

Bro. Are you fucking me right now? Because of the accent, now it just sounds like one of those like Slavic gangster types in the Adidas tracks. Does that kind of, that kind of tracks like a Sylvainian kind of vampire family, right? Yeah, I guess. It would be too weird if they chain smoking like Russian cigarettes in a, yeah, the Adidas. And that makes totally, that makes total sense to me.

Well, no, they're, they're luckily, I would agree with the Adidas track suit, but they've said too many times that they're dressed up all fancy, which may be for Russian people, the Adidas track suit is fancy. That could be the fit. That could be the three pieces. God, that would be so sick if Dracula had Adidas Trexvon. He's just like, I seriously want to drink tons of blood right now. With the imported gold chains.

Yeah, exactly. Imported gold chains, he's just like, yeah, exactly. I want to go to an EDM music festival immediately. It sounded like an echo without a voice to reflect. I could feel Graham's body tense and stiffen with the acceptance that what we heard was very real not from our own imaginations what have you brought me

I don't think that's what have you brought me his nose for R2 down here that's kind of the vibe right the old man I don't think it's the old man is I thought you brought me if it's the old man you know what to have fun with it

why not Have you brought me in my chamber of slumber? No, no, now you're, now you're ad-living. That's not, that's not the work of the net. Yeah. Yeah. That's not in the story. It's written on the page.

That's because I said that only attracts half. And you're like, no, it doesn't if a woman's calling out in the woods. And I clarified, I'm not talking about a woman calling out the woods. I'm talking about you make eye contact. and you do the whole coyote like oh no and you like run for a second like Scooby-Doo in place and then take off like and there's a little cloud of smoke

that's what I'm talking about not like a help help me help because if I'm in the woods and I just hear that I am not you're not going to help okay all right all right realistically yeah realistically I am going to help

but we're not talking about a realistic scenario we are talking about a realistic setup yeah but we're talking about a lore yes if I'm in the woods and I hear someone yelling help and I go look and it's just a voice that's kind of spatially calling out from somewhere, no.

I feel like you would, though. To make sure it's not someone that needs help. I feel like you would look for someone to make sure it's not that needs help. But if it's a, if I get to a patch and I'm like, the noise is coming from right here, but there's no one here. I'm leaving.

Well, sure. But I'm saying that you would, you would, it would, because in my mind, at first it's kind of far away and then the closer you get the ladder, it gets to where it keeps luring you in of like, I'm close. I'm very close.

But by the time that I figure, you know that it's not real, I feel like if the thing has gone, you is what I would assume, right? Probably. By the time I realized I would probably be got, whereas I can tell you.

If there's any levels of uncannyness, I agree. I mean, I would be like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. That is making sense. Exactly. Exactly.

Or if I kept getting deep- If you see a woman, you got, you got to get all the way up to it before you realize. It's my point. Easy. see exactly that's my point no no no no easy 100% too close you're like if I see a woman I got to get all the way up to it no no no no no not like that no no no no no no like that connection and I tell you what

what's even more poignant is also if you see a slip and slide that you'd be like okay well obviously I'm doing this but then there's no way to get off of it see that's the slip and slide effect too is that you're like we and you're like okay this is kind of going on too long and I're going slip inside for exactly too slippery get moved no way of stopping go down a large the slip and slide in the woods sounds like a very like penny wise it scenario it's too childish but i will say it would be effective for me at least i'm a very dumb man i'm curious i feel like a i legitimately actually believe that a lot of people would fall for the slip inside it would be too enticing it would be uncanny but i think that it's so comically like it's so almost like

embedded with our youth that I feel like there would be like I don't think that you would look at it with hostility for some reason to me the stairs in the woods I'm like that's just creepy because it feels like something has been destroyed it's like a loss of life around this a full blown slip and slide with the arches of like the fountains going on it I think that you would you would bypass your normal intuition and I think that you would you would participate I think you we could you definitely apply I can apply the exact same reason into a woman okay all right we're you know hurricane helene we get it I understand I don't I like the way you keep saying that hurricane to this scenario and obviously everything I'm saying is in respect to my wife

but I'm saying that's the easiest way to get a guy to walk into the woods with absolutely no like you could have said you could have said that last thing with more of a fucking lie I'm credit I'm saying it was all respect to my wife of course of course my wife yeah I wouldn't fall for now because I'm a married man the largest wink ever definitely with respect to my wife my wife I'm just saying Hurricane helene I'm just saying that I of course wouldn't fall for it because I'm a married man but if I was to trap a man that would be the way I trap it as I think that we can at least agree that there would be a lot of easy ways to actually lure human

to the woods. Honestly, dude, put a weird, put a funny looking stick out there. Yeah, what's that? I'm like, I'm like, what's that? I got to go get that. That or if you did a thing, like we just, like if you had like a giant, like a big pumpkin out there, right? There's a big pumpkin. I would 100% go to a big pumpkin. But it's formed in a way that looks like it has a giant ass where it's kind of funny. You're like, it doesn't look like a big butt. Yeah. It looks like a big but hole. You're like look up in it. Look at the butt.

I think people that would lure people in too. Yeah. And then boom, you're, you're, it's too light now. You're in the pocket dimension. Good luck, idiot. That was a good way to burn up 10 minutes. Oops. Sorry. There is a lot. I need to, I would like to watch Bring Her Back Again, which is you all. She goes to see it when it comes out.

Payful price. Pay full price. Pay, watch it. Chicken Jackie. Don't do that. How sick would it be, though, if Danny and Michael were able to start, instead of like a chicken jockey train, people would, like, throw them popcorn. People were taking, like, I don't know, like their kids there and, like, sacrificing them in the theaters or something. Like, there's a mass. 824 is going to watch this.

And they've got to sign off on it. They're going to be like just that Hunter Hancock God. All right, Sinophiles. What should the popcorn bucket be for bring her back? the silence has been so loud today it's just very very very loud we'll be landing in about an hour okay thank you

after she left I checked the clock on my phone again 403 a.m. blinked back at me had it changed okay so hunter right now role play what do you do in this scenario you're the guy in the seat so what can I start at the crying woman yeah sure so she's crying and then she comes up and

says we'll be landing in about an hour who did this to you what's wrong who did this who did this I would get I'd make a big saying oh my God I would say oh my God are you okay is it the pilot I say isn't the pilot so you're you're immediately white nighting off the get go anytime I can white knight Isaiah I absolutely do it I say oh my God who do this okay so then she responds and goes what are you talking about sir i'm fine and i say don't fucking play hey hey don't play coy with me all right you're sitting there crying in my babbling brook in my head you're grabbing her face like you grab her cheeks no no i don't i don't i don't do that but i say i say hey hey oh sorry i don't mean to raise

my voice but i say you are obviously a woman in distress and i need to know how I can help. Let me help you. And I say, and I say again, I'm like, don't mean me fucking ask it again. Is it a lucky pilot because it's the pilot. You let me know and I will go in there and I will wreak hell. This is what I would say. I'm going to, you're like, you know, I'm going to take over this plane.

This is a hijacking now. I actually, I've done flight simulator since I was 13 years old. I can land this bird so easily. Okay. Tasha? Yeah. Tasha have a beautiful name. that's a beautiful name wasn't a pilot was in the pilot is what i keep saying like that and there'd be a

guy next me looking at me he's like can i get a water and i'm like no stop it i'm like oh you don't have to you don't have to take orders but what but what if there's a woman asking for a water what would you say honestly sweetheart i appreciate you trying to keep you stay hydrated and stay mentally focused for this flight but i need you to just give me and tasha five minutes could you do that for me because if there's one thing I know about you is that you respect women oh god more than anything up and down all over and I would hand her my pillow because you know they gave you the in-flight pillow of course I'd say please and honestly and Tasha this isn't against you because honestly I know American Airlines you didn't make the plane I give the I give the woman

next to me her name Sabrina is he Sabrina it's a beautiful name first off Sabrina I just want to say it's a beautiful name right they take this pillow and you should put it on your neck because you're not going to get any lumbar support all right once you have a beautiful rest of sleep because you're beautiful a princess all right and i say tasha you tell me you you tell me right now if that fucking dog-faced man the cockpit did this did you did he do this to you and that's how it handled the situation right you know it's funny because a lot of you guys probably think he's joking or playing it up I've never been on a flight with Hunter where he's acted normally. There's always some bit.

There's always a thing. Do you want to tell him about what you did on that flight to Tampa? What did I do on the flight to Tampa? Yeah, that one from Kansas City to Tampa. Do you remember that? I don't. I barely remember what happened yesterday. I don't remember.

This is when we were going to shoot the ghost hunting video we made with Charlie or most critical. I remember going to Tampa, but what did I do on the flight? While we were going there, he does, he had bought these like $20 crappy Amazon webcams to look like the old Zach Bacan's like ghost adventure stuff. So he decided to test them out on the plane by acting like he was in an abandoned building. That's right. So he's setting, he's setting in the chair and he's got the camera like this close to his

face. And he's like, guys, I don't. Did you hear that guys guys and he's like panicking and like sweating and in the background you can just see rows of people someone someone shifts in their sleep he's like did you hear that did you guys hear that and Nick's filming him too and has an equally close camera up in his face tell them what tell them what happened in the bathroom yeah I was gonna say the only thing I remember though that you say that because I totally forgot we bought those cameras anything I remember the bathroom is that I was recording myself in there and I was pretending that I was like doing a go-send

thing and then I stood up and then I just like I pretty much just filled my shit in this like airplane toilet I just kept looking in the mirror is it's a whole it doesn't matter you know what I was being a little silly he filled he filled the toilet and he was like and the way he had the crappy IR filter on so everything was black and white and he's spinning around in the bathroom like guys i don't know guys i think there's a ghost in here spirits are you with us and as he's spinning you just pass the toilet that's full up just keeps there were four different bathrooms on that trip he did that i don't know how he was

ready to go at everyone we came across we didn't forget we did have uh we did have a moment there was a shit toilet in the uh ghost anything i totally forgot about that so anyway i was i must have been backed up for a while i was holding in some demons in you every one of them i was like they're this has to be the last one surely i sure was always another i just remember because we were i felt bad i feel bad because i opened the door and there's nothing more it's kind of like whenever you're watching your dog take a shitty looks at you and you can just tell he's ashamed or whatever so i get out of the bathroom and just by like an an unforeseeable wind gusts gus this like horrid wretched smell out of the bathroom and the woman in the front row

would a right by the bathroom just did good god i had to walk by her like hey he's the camera he's like are you with us spirits speak to us say something if you can sorry man i said me sorry it's a bad i had some bad chippoli last night Mm-hmm. The president made a public statement this morning, urging people to remain calm and stay in their homes. Meanwhile, experts are claiming this would come down to be an event similar to New England's dark day in 1780, and that things will return back to north. All right, so there you go, first video. Is something funny?

Is this something hilarious to you? There's actually a couple things. I think's kind of funny. I like, I like got one. It's like, okay, so the sun's gone. So he's like completely in darkness in his room. But the TV works, so it's like, God forbid you have a lamp on. So it's like, how do we get across with the sun is gone?

Well, I'm in a completely dark room. And then all of a sudden, you hear this, you hear this like ethereal deer outside of his door. And I was like, I just imagine the, I just imagine the sun, like, this like poking out like he's a like he's an actual being the son's going to attack me he hey the sun vanished and he's right outside my window i think he's looking at me i think the i think the son's been watching me all right so basically though from the video what i was going to say is i think it's a pretty cool inclusion to a twitter argy So what's the cool inclusion, dude?

Shut up. Pauline forward. No, Linda, it's okay. She's not a little girl anymore. That's her business. Listen, baby girl. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want. All that matters now is that you're home and you're safe.

Funny enough, by the way, audience, that's just what Hunter sounds like when he's not recording videos. Baby girl. That's exactly the way it sounds like it's his Midwest accent coming out. Like when we're like recording, he's like talking in his normal like you know kind of YouTube speak just general American accent

and then the moment we get off he's like all right I'll say are we looking to go to race and Hayles also I will say it's kind of fucked up that every time I read baby girl I hear the when you say it you say baby girl a lot I say baby girl a lot

yeah I do say baby girl a lot don't I you do that and gamer I do does that bother you that I take gamer a lot. I mean, not really. It's just, that's just, we're talking about words. I do do that a lot. Anytime I like start talking about her, I'm like, hey, gamer, what's up? I got that. Sounds good. Baby girl. My friend operator, Drewski, who's a YouTuber, says gamer all the time. And I started taking that from him because he'll always call me gamer. So I started calling everyone else

gamer. The baby girl, I think was my own invention. I always say sounds good, baby girl. That's very cute that when you hear baby girl, you think of me. That's so cute. The fan came. It is cute. That is adorable. I'm going to love that. It's awesome. I love when a 30-year-old man calls me baby girl. That's a great.

I'm 25. All right. Let's round up. We can round up. I say, if I round it up for you, it would be like 78 for one. We don't have to.

We're splitting hairs at this point, but it doesn't matter. Anytime someone, anytime me or you have a moment on the podcast where we say something slightly, uh, flirty or romantic. all of the so someone will go post it on reddit or tic talk and all the comments will say do they know it's legal like do they know they don't have to hide it like that's what that's what they're

going to say to this clip that oh so well i'm grossed out by it but that's just me that's good whatever you say baby girl with that she raised the bell over her head and shook it small bell sounded like a thousand coursing church bells i stared in on trying to make sense of it everyone else didn't really react as if they had expected this. Once the sound of bells deafened, she began to sing. None of the words sounded like English. So I was...

Oh, I did. It's the fucking tongues saying, coming back. I'm telling you. Me, technical, gosh, no god, that's a goal. Awesome. He's like, ha, it's kind of weird. After she hit the bell that sounded like a thousand church cell.

I have in my hand the bell of 1,000 bells. Oh, I love this song. I love this song of ours. And Harrison's just kind of like, it's kind of peculiar. That's a bit odd, but okay. It's a little strange.

I get, oh, she must be Polish. Oh, she's probably Polish. That's what it is. Probably Polish. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Yep.

I'm tracking. None of the one. None of the one that's such a funny line. Another word sounded like English, so I wasn't able to understand it. I got up again, walking over to Graham. He met me halfway. What was that? It's a small ceremony done at the beginning of the camp.

Amy loves music. She studied in college and has always had a passion for it, so she likes to implement it at some points during each session. Do you know what language she was singing in? I think Italian, but I could be wrong. She's up there's speaking like dead Latin, like 70s, and you got some old time in the back, like, that's one of the Italians, I do believe. Pretty much the Italians, if I've ever heard of them.

That's what they sell. She must also be a Polish, Polish Italian. That makes a lot of She's a Polish spy, I'm pretty sure. I'm not entirely, I would hate to, you know, throw it out there, but. Well, there was one time at church, this was a few years back. My grandmother's hearing got really bad. So you had to, like, yell at her to talk to her at any point. Sure. And we were in church one day.

And at the beginning of the pastor was like, all right, let us bow our heads for prayer. And like, everyone bows their head in the room goes quiet. and then you just hear my grandmother very loudly across the entire auditorium go, no, I believe the man was Italian. And like, the pastor heard it and he was like trying not to laugh, but also get through the prayer and everyone was snickering. And at the same time, I wasn't sitting near my grandma, but someone must have like told her to shush or be quiet.

And she goes, what? Just he's just Italian. He's just Italian. He's just Italian. I didn't say he was like awful or anything. I'm just saying I believe the man was Italian. Yeah, for God's sakes. I could see his eyes widened and a smile grow in his face.

He called out for my stepmother to come over to him. When she did, I was met with a loud cry of joy as she raced over to the door, opening it, pulling me into a vice grip hug. Man, I wish I had one of those. I haven't had one of those happen in a long time. Someone scream out of enjoyment that you're like showing up to their house. It only happened like, it's happened like maybe twice in my life. And it was great every time that that was such a sad forlorn statement.

Okay. In hindsight, I do I do agree. It was pretty sad, but more so I just mean in my mind I was thinking about the last time someone actually like man, they do. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And they come over when they hug you. I have it twice. I think both. I think it's the way I think literally times too. It was never my family. It was like a friend. You're making it so much worse um you the fact that you're just randomly out of the blue like man i miss that i miss when someone would love me like that would hug me that way no i was just joking around it happens all the time okay um anyway do you think people in this universe though would be excited by a name you know uh potentially they open they open it up and it's like jessica wow

And then there's some guy who's like I wonder what mine is you like packs opens the envelope whatever and it says like jaundice. He's like, huh? John just like the disease. Yeah, he doesn't know he's looking for people with the yellow eyes walking around. You know, is your name jaundice. Yeah. Hi. You're you, you're joined this, right? It just means that he's going to die of jaundice. Yeah. You, you, you're just going to die of jaundice. yeah you will have no love you're the only soulmate is death and it's gonna be jaundice yeah is it isn't jondish just a yellowing of the skin can you i don't think you can die from it

i thought it was like liver failure is it not it's i think jaundice is the yellow skin that's a symptom of liver failure think i'm speaking to someone who acts like he knows yeah it's the discoloration of body tissue resulting from the accumulation of billy rubin all right well i didn't care about all that but um the accumulation of billy you know what is that a bass player yes why a yellow little i went to billy rubin's concert last night and he he stained me with the funk it's billy rubin's like a liver enzyme like as to do it's in your blood all right but you know what i like your answer better. This guy's dying because there's tiny little bass players in his blood. That's why it's married to John this.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. How are you making bass noises in a British accent? Bumbo. Boom.

Boom. Oh, okay. Also, this has got to, I mean, I know that we're, we're fucking three paragraphs in. Dad's about to check the fuck out. I mean, to be fair, we did kind of jump the story for no reason. It was just like, well, in all town, we're told us all. There's really no reason that we're even at it's British, right? You start messaging me obscene messages and you're like, boom.

No, remember the reason I said I think it's British is because a whack is like a turn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the, true. The UK, yeah. Should we just assume that's in England then? I think we're too far gone to assume otherwise. They're going to get like a chapter in and be like, so as I was leaving Atlanta and we'll be like, oh, well, too late Atlanta, London. Yes, Atlanta, London.

That's how sitting, that's how city. Where it's cobblestone streets in the best pastries in the world. Okay, we got to keep going. I'm slipping. Merely a curious young man in search of information. besides, I thought at the time I could perhaps find another similar case if I put my mind

and resources to it. Mary E was the SIOP for Sciob not the SIOP. S-Y S-Y S-S-O-P. I mean, it looks like SI-O-P, but it's

a S-S-O-W-W-D? I don't think so. No. S-Y-S-O-P? S-Y. Oh, is that a K-O-S-O-P? company? No, it says Mary E was the SISOP for a small Chicago-based bulletin board system.

Oh, system op. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Mary E was the SISO. Was that just the last straw? I just so much. Being berated and having having him chime in. Oh, system operator.

It's too late in the day. It's too late. For people that don't know, we're recording this at two in the morning. Carrie was one of those unlucky people that seemed significantly designed to be picked on. She was nearly six feet tall,

quite overweight, crap at school, poor by the standards of my admittedly affluent town, and cursed with the head size of a large pumpkin. God damn, Carrie. Just roasting this girl left and right.

I'd had classes with Gary on and off for the last nine years and before the hike I doubt I'd spoken more than two words to her although in fairness to me in middle school she had deepened her own isolation from most of the class by becoming intensely goth in the baby bat way of the late 90s teens okay hold on

she's a six foot tall goth girl yeah all right hold on she's the woman to my dreams Well, hold on a second. What's everyone being mean to carry about? Like, scary, Carrie, why is you a little? What was overweight even mean in the 90s?

Nothing. Nothing. Means nothing. There was a blonde girl on the hike. I think her name was Stephanie Foster that two hours earlier I had found very cute. And despite her whining, I was still thinking I might like to get to know her better before she let this gym slip. God. I just wanted to miss school.

Why do you have to walk so much? I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything. Carrie, however, could not let it slide. What the hell did you think a hike was? All right. Don't, don't do that to carry. What the hell do you think a hike was? She's a six foot tall.

If you could, wait, what the hell do you think a hike was, sweet chicks? No, no, no. See, now, now you're, now you're mocking me. Now you're mocking my people, my, my group. I need you. What the hell? Did you think a hike was? That's closer. It's better.

You're getting there. I need you to channel your best Margaret Qualley. I think that it. Margaret Qualley. She's a six foot tall overweight, goth girl in the 90s. She's not Margaret fucking quality. Overweight in the 90s means filled

out. It means great. They had supersized at McDonald's dude. They were big, big old girls. All right. It could be a big old girl. You're right. You're right. You know what? What the hell? that you think a hack was Stephanie

looked at her like Carrie was something she scraped off the bottom of her boots nobody's talking to you and nobody wants to fucking listen to you I still denounce your voice for Carrie but Carrie's special to me

all right that's fine dude be be stoked about it man I could have Isaiah Isaiah oh she's looking down at you kissing your forehead good you're my little sweet pee that other than the voice you're doing that sounds lovely if

obviously i'm i'm a married man and my wife is the six foot tall golf woman in my life but in like high school me a million percent like yes i don't i don't know what i don't know what you're making fun of this sounds perfectly reasonable i'm not giving her a voice that's that yes but there's a tone there there is a tone of bitterness don't let your insecurity get to me man all right that out my insecurity. Definitely not yours is signing your voice of like a 40 year old trucker to carry. It's a goth chick. Just fucking lay it out there, dude.

It's all it has to be. Nobody wants to fucking list to you. Scary Rose to leave. Kim Murray's leaned over to one of their other friends and said, Aww. Like she'd just seen something cute. Carrie's face splotches of scarlet and shot

Kim a look of pure hatred. Forget it. Forget it. Come on. See, you're about to do. about to do Carrie's voice. No, that was my, no, no, no. Then you realize you're doing. No, no, no. Then you realize you're doing this character. So you adopt a, you adopt a less masculine voice for the man. I know what you were doing. I know 100% what you were doing. No, no, you can't because that was a, that was a strategic sore throat. My throat sore. I,

I think I'm disgusted by your, your characterization of scary carry. I think this is a beautiful relationship. I think he should have braced because that all met that that Carrie has mentioned to her friends that she likes our author. What is that? Are you doing the bear noise? No. Do not do the bear noise. There's no bear trap. What is your bear trap?

No, no. I was out of trap for anything. I was mooing. I was mooing. I was mooing. I was mooing. Oh, now she's a cow. Now she's a cow.

Okay. All right. So you took her from a trucker to a cow. You're moving backwards. All right. No, I don't need this. I don't need you. I don't need your, your interaction or your two cents regarding this.

Forget it. Come on. I said. I didn't know what Carrie had told. Kim about Greenfield, but sure didn't want to deal with it. Once we were in the hallway and out of anyone's earshot, I recounted the events of Drew DeLuca's party.

She let you read the note? He left her? We're going to fight me and you. We're going to throw down. Even though, just a month ago, we'd spent several hours being lectured by our guidance counselors about the differences between depression. True depression that was a psychological illness and being

sad. I think Carrie still had trouble believing anyone was more miserable than she was. Carey stepped closer to me and dropped her voice to a whisper. Why did it do it? Was it her fault? You're trying to ruin this for me. I'm not going to let you.

I'm just going to ignore you. You're going to have to just fucking realize that's going to be scary Carrie's voice, dude. I'm going to read this. In my head, I'm reading it in a different voice. How? What does she sound like in your head? She looks like my beautiful wife.

She looks like my gorgeous wife, whom I love deeply. I'm sorry. I did not put that in your head. I'm sorry. Yeah, okay, whatever. Shut up. I hate you. They told the clockmaker that he was an impotent old man.

And they were unafraid of him. Run along back to your little gears and springs. Maybe if you feel nice and quiet, I'll still fix you your dinner tonight. Oh my God, dude. That is fucked. Whoa. There's a lot of cuck holding in the story, eh? There, there is.

This is our second. instance. I hope there's more. I hope. I like a nice cuckold, uh, horror story, dude. They're sick. Do you? Is that a recurring thing that you're interested in? You what's fucked up about that. It makes so much sense to me that vengeful spirits are cuck holes. You know, you're actually, I've never thought of it before, but you're actually right. It's so true, right? I'd be mad enough to stick around to. Oh my God. I would burn the earth down forever. I would not leave. I'd be like, I'm staying right here at anyone who comes here. I'm going to mess with.

I'm going to be upset. I'm going to bother him. Are you sure that's not like, so my kind of woman is like, you know, tall, goth, whatever. Your kind of woman is any woman that's with another man. Yes. Okay. Let the record show. Let the record

shut it down. Scary, Carrie, put it on the record. Scary Carrie also does WWE. Matches in her backyard. Do you smell what the scary Carrie's cooking? She's just Triple H. Well, she's just about as fucking big as I'm goddamn.

Also wondered if she'd cry. I feel embarrassed even after all these years later, admitting it, but a part of me was hoping she would. Then I'd have an excuse to hug her again. Preach, brother, preach. That's my boy. my boy right there.

That there he is. What a man. I could be, is that scary, Carrie looking on. Yeah, that, that's, that's, that's still scary, carry. Come on. Give me a hug. Put her there. Come on. I could be dependable, comforting, boyfriend material. It was the kind of fantasy that marked me as a beta mail.

That's, whoa. And we get mentioned a beta bell in the story. And dude, we've got cucking twice. If YouTube doesn't copyright this video, I will. Yeah, no shit. The only gym class activity I'd ever enjoyed, but I felt obligated to update Carrie on what I learned about Rob and the Spire.

So I joined her in the auxiliary gym for a little ping pong, a game I had no idea she was good at. She gets, bro. And she's good at ping pong. Well, God damn. She's going to ping pong. Come on. She's, hey, ping pong.

Or it could have happened exactly like that. Or hold from one of my thinking here. No, no, no, no. No, no. That was fine. That was okay. Leave it. That was okay, you did it.

We had, however, brought a couple of sticks of incense, which we lit with a very old zippo that had once belonged to my grandfather. Carrie had bought the incense from a new age store. The sort of place you'd shop at if you were inclined to believe in neo-paganism or healing crystals. Saleswoman told her it was, like, I'm just...

I love that. Carrie is dangerously close to Kayla. This might be my wife. Is he described? She, like, Kayla goes to these places constantly. She dresses like this. She looks like this. Maybe it was the increasingly likely prospect that another of our missions was going to prove to be a waste.

Or maybe it was just the hour and the warm air of the heater blasting in our faces, making us sleepy. But whatever the cause, our energy was fading fast in our conversation to turn serious. Well, serious by high school standards. Do you think Kim Murray's pretty? Okay. Hold on. Hold on. All right. I'm not going to, I'm not going to do my girl like that.

Do you think Kim Murray is pretty? I feel too bad. Thank you. Thank you. There we go. I feel too bad. I know. He gets some humanity redeemed. Look at that kids. Hunter gets to go to heaven. Hunter has a heart. They say his heart grew three sizes that day. He died of a heart attack like C-biscuit. Turns out your chest cavity is not nearly equipped to handle a heart three times. size, so it ripped against his inner rib cage and exploded on the podcast. It's terrifying.

At some point, she stopped crying. It took me a second to notice, but what I thought was her taking a shuddering breath or maybe just a tear-covered cheeks sliding over my skin was actually Carrie kissing my neck. Oh, here we go. Come on. Get on in there. I'm so conflicted right now because it's going between my interpretation of Carrie versus what the author wants me to think. I don't know where I'm out. Hey, let me give you a hickey. What she's saying? Come on.

You know what? And if she looked like my wife, if she wasn't as the story was trying to describe her, if she was like the dare I bring it up, the Jacoby that's in my mind right now, it'd be great. It'd be awesome. But I feel like the author is dissuading this as a bad thing. I think he's just a funny. I think he's surprised.

I think that he's going to fall for Carrie, dude. Come on. We have to have hope for Carrie. Yeah, I agree. I hope the story ends. and it's like me and Carrie are married now. We have like three children. God, of course you would say that.

What do you mean? Of course I would say that. It's just funny. You're like, I hope they get married at the end. They're obviously not going to get fucking married at the end. That's it. With that attitude.

Sure. Of course you would say that. Like, of course I'm the guy who wants a happy ending with two characters he likes. Yeah, what a jerk move of me to pull. Yeah. What a horrible idea. She got the message. I just I don't know

I don't think if you like that I had trouble spitting it out she nodded we're friends uh huh sorry I was trying I was trying to wrap her on my head we're friends jerk

you're such a jerk I feel bad dude honestly I'm not even scary is dynamo all right it's unfortunate what's happening all right it is unfortunate you you earlier referred to her by cow noises

there you are come on man don't do me like that in front of carry normally people have like an angel and devil on their shoulder I think you're the devil and every now and then I show up on your shoulder

and I'm like that like that there you guys two cows that's why I like to think I do you just moo to you just mood to yourself to be a good person is that what you're saying

I'd forgotten that the only reason I knew about the spire in the woods was because of his suicide notes and had actually been happy about the whole thing while two guys who had lost a good friend quite possibly because of the spire were sitting right behind me. Brough. I don't know, I bet.

You want to ride home? I can take both of you. I really didn't. Sure. Carrie said. I love that tagging at the end. Gary said so sad. So sad. Because I have sure. There's, there's two men and a woman speaking, but I have to clarify for the audience that you are speaking of the female equation. All right.

You twitches my leg. Fine. Hey, Leigh, let's do it. Get out of here. Now she is neither ugly nor beautiful in my mind. Now she is like, what is the, that, Sam Elliott. It's like Sam Elliott on the other side of the booth. I'm a Marlboro, man. Marlboro.

Come on, dude. Yeah. That didn't happen, and we were soon alone together in the car. The second, the door closed behind Murph. Fletch dropped his mask, and I knew that he heard me. You're going to Quabin?

That's why I told you. You're going to the Quabin? Yeah. Hold on. Okay, we get, right. I think you should read that. Okay. I'm just making sure.

I'm just making sure. Are you fucking retarded? Just making sure. Like, you know, I'm just trying to hold the piece here, boys. You're not saying it.

The character in the story is saying that you're reading the quote. Come on. You have read that this woman carry is fat and you yourself made moo noises earlier. So I think this is the least of your concern. Come on, man. You know, what are what are you trying to do to me? this was different than the blood cemetery or the eunice williams covered bridge we were walking into

the ghost story of robert edward kenan and the only thing we knew for certain was that he was dead pass me my bag okay this is him talking to carry thank you i said to carry as we stepped out oh my god i said said carry my bed no you know what i'm let no you don't get to redo that line you don't get redo that line because that was that was your malice for this woman and you're leaving it okay that's what he said to her pass me my bag let No, no, no. You went even worse. It's him.

I know, I know. Pass me my bag. Shut up. Mrs. Peterson shook with laughter as we drove down 495. She was going so fast I thought Ecto 1 was going to disintegrate. Like one of those experimental jet planes you see in old stock footage. Carrie's mom beaming with pride, clapped your hand down on my knee and said, Boy, I will tell you, you got yourself one tough girl.

Bro. what i'm so this is so sad yeah i know well i hate that i hate that he just hasn't like at least at this point i would just be like oh we're not dating we're just friends i don't think i don't think that's i don't think that's the rude to say is it that's not rude oh no we're not dating she's i would like i would like carrie say it i would like carrie say it god but they don't know you're such a spineless cow no no because can't well yeah well yeah hey carry tell your mom, we're not dating. She's like,

gha, yeah, they don't know about that yet. They don't know about that until they got there. Hey, hey, Mary, Mrs.

Peterson, I think Carrie's got something to say, a, ah, a funny, like a teenager who, like, has zero accountability is like,

Cary, tell your mom, we're not together. Yeah, she's like drooling out of the side of her mouth and shit. She's like, she just starts crying. It's like, no, I didn't say cry. I said, tell your mom.

She starts barking. And that's when our protagonist turns to Mrs. Peterson. He does, see, we're just friends. Thanks for clearing that up, Gary. She's clawed back. She's clacking her. She's clacking her frost-bitten heels together like,

Dorothy? No place like home. No place like home. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. Oh, my word. The pastor knew it was mostly because the church wouldn't give financial support to those who did not attend at least three services in a row.

But the pastor felt he would be quite literally damned if he spoiled Kathy's optimism. It is a little... It just reads like you're like role playing as a little. an old woman. It is quite dramatic, isn't it? With some of the verbiage and the... I'm an old woman, now. Yes, yeah. I'm Kathy.

Me, me 19, not starting YouTube. You're like, fuck, big 19 is hard. What if I was like, an old woman? Yeah, could I just please be an 83-year-old woman? I would love that. Amen. Amen.

I love you, fuck. was that i don't know what the hell that was was that a soundbite that said i love you god i love you god you had that cute up man got that shit queued up back there all right okay this kathy had one problem as the police would later attempt to understand she cared too much every person word and item were sacred to her she embodied the spirit of charity and devotion in a way few others could. What are you laughing about? I mean, what is this? You're writing like a great day

for an old woman. It's like, is this a horror? Is this a horror story? Is this just like, what is this? Do you think I just showed up to the show with like, and then Tathy went home to the kids? I mean, that would be a horror story. No, it's going somewhere. The mention of the precarious bosses.

I jumped the gun, I'm sorry. Okay, did you hear the mention of, like, the boxes in the pile next to her? I jumped the gun. Whatever. Just keep, play the music. Of course, all this strife could have been solved with a simple door knock or church visit in order to see that the big bad wolf is something much closer to Little Red's grandma. However, that would take out all of the fun of a good game of gossip.

Well, this was harmless for some time, if not rude. That all changed one Halloween. Okay, okay, here we go. Now we're here. All right, I'm, okay. Here it is. Dude, if, if, if Kathy doesn't, like, fucking eat a kid, and this is, like, literally, like, a warning for it's like,

every woman in here, your 70s is going to be horrifying. Again, what do you think this is? What do you think? Clearly, I had way too much, like, I was playing with the language and, like, being very flowery and stuff. Oh, the language, I just loved the idea of you 19 years old, putting your mind in the head of a 70-year-old woman is like my favorite thing you're like oh my god i've never connected with anyone more it's so good okay what about it's sick i'm stuck anytime he tells me it's sick it means it's not sick oh it's good that all changed one

Halloween. It was true. What the fuck is that? That's like a Scooby-Doo. Like, uh, like, Oh, I see. Thanks, Harry. It was tradition for Kathy to sit at her front porch

and hand out King-Size Hershey bars to the approaching children. However, this year, the smell had grown so rancid that even Kathy's generous offering was not enough to get kids to enter her front yard. And so she sat there, alone with her chocolate.

See, now they say, aw, now it's sweet. Yeah, now you care. Yeah. It would be, dude, does she use a, what is it, a panic button? Or like, I've fallen, I can't get up. A life alert? A life alert, yeah, yeah. Oh.

That falls on the steps. Someone grab my chocolate. It smells funky, but I swear it's good. Every story we read, you have something against old women. There's always like something. It's a long story. Okay. Welcome back to Creepcast.

Today we are reading creepypastas based around rituals that you can perform at home that are real. You want to talk to God? Yeah. You want to talk to devil? Yeah, today.

You can talk to both of them at the same time. Kill your mom. Go into your room tonight. Take a big fluffy pillow and put over your mom's face. Is that where to go? Okay. You want riches beyond your wildest?

apprehension kill your mom kill her i'm not even joking want you to kill your mom today when she get a big old handful of pills and put in her mouth when she's sleeping she isn't choke on them she probably overdose i can't wait for someone to actually have a problem with us like a real one and there's going to be so many clips to use i feel uh you know it's just a ritual dude it's not the end of the world kill your parents okay All right. Anyway, so Kill your parents and kill yourself. Okay, all right.

There's, we are pushing every guideline we can find this point. Our YouTube partner managers are sweating constantly. When I got, when my Twitter account got stolen, when I fell for that scam a little bit ago, and the video of me started going around, everyone was like, not him, lips aren't big enough. It's true. It is, I will say that that was freaky. For people that don't know, Isaiah's Twitter. account got hacked and the guy made like a deep fake video or not no no no no no no no no

that no that was me that was me that was a video I took because I thought the scam was that I was talking to Twitter's verification team and that there was an attempt to my account and I was dumb and fell for it. So I made the video to like certify the account or whatever. But then after they stole the account, they're like, hey, it's a crypto thing. So you, wait, the video where you recorded was you was you promoting a no no no no let me back up let me back up yeah because you you you have okay yeah please tell me okay so i get a phone call yeah where someone claims to be with like twitter or exes or whatever support and safety team and then they send me v emails to verify like the the cases opened or whatever that are from twitter dot com it's like support

slash Twitter.com and I look up the URL and it's like it was legit a few years ago back when X was Twitter but now that it's rebranded I guess people can just like spoof the email or someone's bought the domain or something like that for Twitter.com or whatever so it all came from like Twitter.com and they already had information like phone number account email tied stuff like that and they sent like a portal to like verify login through so I go through everything looks like X and they're like we need to verify identity and when I signed up for the blue check mark. They did add the thing where it's like, oh, a picture of yourself. And like, I've got my account back from other websites before where you have to send a video of yourself. And

they're like, yeah, I was on the phone with this supposed tech guy. It was like, yeah, just send a video of yourself with your name date and then this code. And the code was dollar signed W.E and yes, in hindsight, in hindsight, I should have realized what that meant. I thought it was like a code. It's like a symbol. And then three letters. card of the account name. Oh my God. I should have known, but I did it for like the Twitter guy. And then as soon as he has that, I've already entered the password. I get locked out of everything at once. And then they log in, they log in, change all of my stuff and then post that video. Oh, my God. That is so funny.

It was not funny for me at all. And my wife, my wife, who was not. with me because I she was feeling bad and my family was in for the holidays. So I was doing this between hanging out with them. We were out. We went on another tour of New Orleans, which I know you're fond of. We go out on another tour. And while I'm on the tour, all this happens. So my wife who wasn't with me saw the video and was like, well, surely he wasn't stupid enough to fall for this. So she says it was AI and a fake even though it was not assumed. That's That's what everyone assumed. Because how could I mean that stupid?

It's not even that, it's not even that. It's like, it's like your emotion. You look like a fucking robot. Like the lighting is all weird. You're like in this like, your ear in this prison cell and you're just like,

her. So this is Isaiah. Uh, Isaiah Dickles. What it's the way that this. Because I was, because I thought it was a verification. I was like,

oh yeah, I got a heck. It's an AI video. Whatever. And I remember being like, man, they even got like the kind of like grainy. like dark room like he's like he's like just that you to think that you look like a fucking

guantime obeyed the hostage and you're like in your room with a no pad and wrote that crypto going down is so fucking funny oh my god my favorite thing too later was the follow up but i was like oh damn because the people are like wait he's doing that he's promoting this whatever and everybody i saw was being like now he got hacked or whatever then I go to Instagram and that's whenever I see your story we have your shades on you're outside you're like okay so here's pretty much what's going on you're like walking outside and you're recording yourself with these sunglasses on like so pretty much I got hacked and it was a whole weird thing sorry about that I was under a lot of guys I was under a lot

of duress thank you that you're getting off like a fucking alligator by you tour oh she you know what she's a cracker son is just unfortunate all right we better go on this ghost tour you know it's crazy it was literally an alligator by you tour there was a gator next to me and it was a boat tour like down that you i was under a lot of duress what do you want my shades were on what do you want me to do oh gosh could you imagine being like if it goes the way that i'm thinking of being like he put up his he put up his jacket and walked over like you're having somebody narrate your entire life like it would drive you insane yeah it's kind of

like how i am with you you're kind of like the thing that follows me around and torments my life. It's true. Or I'm a guy on Twitter who's like, hey, by the way, uh, right down, right down this crypto thing. Okay. He wasn't even at Twitter. He wasn't even at Twitter. It's just, he just said he was. You thought so with the email. I thought it was. I thought talking to Mr. Musk himself for all I knew. I'm hitting you all person like to help you with this. Is he Swedish? He has such a weird accent. I can never do. He's just kidding. I have become meme. Where do we? I am become meme.

That is like the cringiest, one of the lamest fucking things we're heard. I am become meme. It looks forward and he's like, where do we? Remember when he started a government agency called Doge? He says, he says put it much. Pretty much. I become

a meme. Put it much. You're so cool. Wow. This is great. I love the everything up I do too I especially love how it when all the emails for the old one got stolen they use those to push your crack yeah whatever entity by the way that's in this story would fucking hate having to narrate my life man what wakes up he masturbates he continues to masturbate he's masturbating again he took a shit he masturbates while

he shits you he's masturbating gross uh he's masturbating It smells in here. I'm like, that's not narrating. That's your own thing. He's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're, you're just holding eye contact with him. Yeah, exactly. He puts on his socks. He masturbates. Before you're even out of the bed. That's rough. Yeah, exactly. From the go. He says, he gets out of bed. Sorry. Another day here. He does hot yoga. He masturbates. All right. Anyway, he drives to work. He calls Isaiah.

He masturbates. Ew. Ah, I don't, uh, cut that out right now. They say enough stuff already on the subreddit. We don't need to encourage that. Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed.

Not bad. Okay. Now what? Now, you take a nap. fucking pinkie just roofing rainbow dash Jesus okay we're going to the clurb

she says pinkie roof that's got to be that's what happened that's got to be a brand new sentence that one's ever set up I had to make a concentrated

effort to stay on my feet while my knees tried to buckle underneath me. Just seeing her face brought back painful memories I thought long buried. She was like a mirage long dead, returning to torture me. Kimber's eyes finally found me as she nervously clutched her cell phone in her hands,

turning it over and over against her chest. Hi, Sam. Oh, sorry, not... Did I make up the name Will this whole time? Is his name Sam? Is his name Sam? I thought it was Will. Unless we're just thinking...

I make up this whole thing. If that during the edit, just have to just say, Sam. He moves there, means a couple of, his name's man. He meets a couple of kids named Colin Kimber. They start a friendship. And then Mr. Mr. goes missing one day. Also, Seth did say Sam too.

Sorry, Sam. Yeah, sorry Sam, but, yeah. I don't. Where did I get Will from? Yeah, his name's Sam Walker in the story. All right, whatever. I guess I'm just stupid. All right, whatever.

That's me. To be completely honest, I don't remember anything after like two weeks. So I was just like, I was like, Will. Will, okay, yeah. Yeah. There must have been another story with Will or that or I'm coping. I'm just thinking of it. Isn't that the same Will and it?

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's Will. No, no, that's what I was. Stranger Things is Will. Will is the Stranger Things kid. I don't know. But there's a will somewhere in a story. I don't fucking know.

The hysterical subject now said the voices of the dead were deafening and hostile. Speaking of hell in the end of the world, at one point, he yelled, For five hours straight. He continually begged to be killed, but the scientists were convinced that he was close to establishing contact with God. Don't let, Hunter, don't laugh.

This is a serious. He's speaking of hell. He's right by God. He's so close. You're almost there, buddy. He's like, he's like, demon, demon, have fire. They're just like, he's right at heaven's doorstep right now, guys. Just give him a couple more days.

Take me out. He's like, look, I know. Take me out. The scientist is standing in front of the glass. Like, I know this looks bad. But hypothetically, like, we all think a devil. What's the opposite of the devil? God, right?

Boom. He's got it right there. got to be right there has to be close a few months ago i was in an accident my friend and i were driving home my friend and i were just my friend and i were driving home from work when a young one on a bicycle came out of nowhere and smashed into my friend's car at 80 miles an hour okay pause okay time out real quick now now isa are they saying that the bicycle was going 80 miles an hour that's what I was or where there was a friend's car going any miles an hour what if they were both if they were both going 80 miles an hour does a neutron star just form in life as we know

it sees to me I think she just gets atomized across it's like the fucking the submersible going down the titanic they just implode and turned to it find that that little uh the submarine that imploded yeah what what made me laughing is I was reading my friend and I were driving and underneath like I can see the line beneath it. I just smashed 80 miles per hour. All right. So we don't know. We don't know for a fact if it's I'm going to assume the young woman on the bicycle was going 80 miles an hour. All right tour to France downhill Lance Lance Armstrong. Let's go 80 miles an hour on a bicycle is like light speed. Yes. And that's what she was like falling down a cliff. She had a beautiful

summer dress flowing she was perfectly up straight she wasn't even like in a speed pose she was perfectly up straight legs legs outstretched not her legs were even on the petals she was it was just barely this this is going to be this is going to be really rough if at the end this is just like an actual confession the author is making of someone that really it is that's me and you were joking about like how brutal it was yeah all right we We got out as soon as we realized what happened, called an ambulance, but unfortunately, the one, pause, sorry, I'm not going to keep something, but what do you mean if we got out as soon as we realized because as soon as you would go.

Hold on a second. Hunter, putter because over Aaron, pull the car over. No. I think we hit something. No. No. Dude, she was going 80 miles an hour. It would have looked like a flash.

Yeah. It looked like a fly hitting the window for a moment. They're like, what was that? It was like a meteor. Yeah, then they see a fucking woman on like a 1950s bicycle just like flinging through the air. All right, sorry. That's the last time I'm going to stop it. Okay.

He needs to accept that it wasn't his fault. He wouldn't listen, though. And over the coming weeks, he came to work less and less. And whenever he did come, he looked awful like he wasn't sleeping. The last time I saw him at work, he told me. he wished he never grew up because humans are bound to harm others no matter how hard they try not to

as adults. What are you talking? What are you talking about? I wish I was never fucking born. I wish I was never born because adults are too. They always harm each other. Fuck, I'm a ticking time bomb, Jared.

I'm a fucking ticking time bomb. You should kill yourself, Jared, because you're going to hurt someone too. That's what's going to happen is Jared. Also, there's no names in the story. I'm just saying Jared, but. Hunter, a woman lost her life.

Choking on her own blood. Not from being. Shoking on her own blood. Not from blunt force drama from being struck by a car while she was going to eight miles an hour to bike. She somehow landed the pool of blood collected her mouth. And she was like, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, yo, I didn't even see you. I shouldn't have been driving. That's what humans do, Hunter.

Well, I'm an adult, so I shouldn't have been driving behind the wheel. I should have known this would have happened. If it wasn't you. Because they're bound to hurt each other. If it wasn't you, I would have, I would have driven up on the side of a sidewalk and crushed it to another human being. Because it's just my, it's my adult urge. Okay, go ahead. I can't explain the peace of mind I had, knowing I didn't have to brace myself for any of his stupidity for a while.

I was always afraid his stunts would wind up bleeding over into my life. I like the idea, too. I like the idea of this guy being like, because you immediately thought that the YouTube person was like a kid. But now he's like, can you pick up my mail? I'm like, this is a 38 year old guy.

Yeah, well, he said like on his car, on his own car, right? Yeah. I expected like a 16 or 17 year old is what I was expecting. I mean,

this guy should know all you need in order to be successful on YouTube is just find a bunch of stories that you didn't write and then make glorified react content. Hey, come on, man. Hey, we're, it's a campfire. story podcast.

Break in the money. All right, dude. All right. You know what? We do a good service here. And we bring, I don't have to, I don't have to defend this.

No, go ahead. I want to hear, I want to hear what you're ostracized. I want to hear what your defense of this would even be.

Go ahead. What do we do? That's a good work. You know what? Nothing, dude. Not a damn thing. No, no. You know what?

I thought it was friendly banter where you could, sure, you could read the story in her own, but this is reading it with pals, fun voices. fun interaction and bits

it's it's basically getting together and going camping with your buddies except less uh probably less homosexual stuff going on right how bad can I be I'm just building me

why do I feel like you why do I feel like you've done a little fucking why I feel like you've done a little scratch a sniff with your buddies stop I don't I'm not we are not finishing whatever that sentence was you were about to say you cut that out right now you also you can never okay I'm not

I'm not getting down I'm not going down to your level. I'm not stepping into the trench. You always cross your legs whenever you bring up the word canoe. You always do. Okay. You know what? You phrase it like,

got a little scratch and sniff with your buddies. You always make it. Come on, dude. So much worse. You always bring it to see like that. I'm not trying to belittle or make light of the things you've done with your buddies in the past. Like, I'm not trying to like say it's gross.

I'm just saying sometimes a little scratch and sniff. Okay. I mean? Can I get. the story. There was a famous quote that said there was a famous quote. I forgot it who was from but it said sometimes the cucumber tastes better pickled. Oh, you're referencing

your own quotes? That is how desperate we are for content. We're cannibalizing our own clips that people like. That was from a show or something. I can't remember what show it was. That was a show. Like a comedy central show, I swear to God.

Perhaps some kind of creepy one. No, no, no. It was a company central show. We took a trip to the largest resort. in our state. I made sure the sky was clear. The crowds were minimal and the flowers had bloomed. I got off my knee to embrace her. She was elated. Her smile, her embrace, her scent. Every detail was just as I imagine. Yeah, she should herself. How did you propose? How did I propose? I took Allison to Fairbanks, Alaska, under the Northern Lights. Did you actually? I did. I'll text her right now.

Go ahead and text her. I did it. That's what happened. That's very romantic. That's actually incredibly thoughtful and sweet. Oh, yeah. It's awesome. Did you cry?

Yeah, I did for probably like three or four hours. I don't know. I think she, I can't remember where she was at. But yeah, no, I tear it up. Did you? I did, yeah. Yeah. I had like a whole, like, little speech prepared and stuff.

We were both crying. Can you remember it? I do remember it, actually. Can you say it to me right now? But I'll pretend I'm Kayla. What would your kale impression be like? Well, once you start saying, once you start saying it, I'll start, I'll start doing it. Kayla.

Yeah. So she sounds like goofy. That doesn't sound goofy? That was a goofy. impression. Okay. That's a hundred percent goofy impression. Um, years ago, you asked me. I was waiting for you to do the impression again. Oh, what did I ask you? Okay. Do you remember what you asked me?

Pass the ketchup. Okay, now you're Patrick Stark. It's the same voice. Anyway, the little, the little like, speech I gave or whatever is, um, like when we had started dating, we had this whole conversation where she was talking about how like, um, like she used to, she used to pray for, uh, when she was a kid, she used to pray for like, uh, a man to come into her life to make, make things better, not worse, blah, blah, blah, like all, all this sappy stuff. Uh, and, um, when I, when I, when I proposed, right before I got down on one knee, I said something to the effect of like, um, I think

I'm that man or I want to be that man or something like that and propose. It was very sweet. Go ahead. I was just listening. I was just waiting for you to have some snide remark or comment too. No, I think it's beautiful. Okay. Can I go back to the story now? Yep. We talked it over and realized one thing we had in common was that we were both fast asleep 4.03 a.m. There's no way we were the only one to sleep at that time, though. Maybe everyone else

was just napping. I don't know about you, but I was well and truly asleep. I was sunked out. Seriously. I was gone. I hit the Zaza before the flight, and my ass was my goofy eye was totally busted out down the snooze train.

That's so cool, Mary. Mary, you're awesome. you're great mary she takes out a tech day i imagine she's using she's as a tech deck out this entire time when she's talking she keeps dropping on the floor oh damn it it flips yeah that's pretty that's awesome i've never seen anyone that's awesome mary i've never seen anyone do that guy i saw that male flight attendant is he bothering you is that guy bothering you she's like what and she's a grinding on a uh one of those like uh those cookies that you get that

the half pipe things yeah she's on the biscoff cookie yeah she's uh she's grinding on the biscoff cookies singing ska songs to herself so here i am doing everything i can mary are you singing superman by gold finger oh you know that song yeah you're you're maybe the coolest girl I've ever seen. I would hope the story ends with both of them dying in a plane. Here I am doing it. Pretending I'm a Superman. But I knew right away that Dan and I mixed like oil and water.

I decided to let him try his hand and announcing. but the first time he turned on his mic and heard him belt out good morning and would you look at that sunshine I hope Daniel gets hit by a truck I know me too immediately exactly I hope he ends up like one of those

fucking birds dude I need him to fall out of the tower head first please yeah not even supernatural just like a gun accident some kind of just literally slip wooden stairs and just falls right off. Yeah.

Yeah. Dan apparently saw the expression on my face, unwilling to answer fear of, well, offending or encouraging any other zealous callers. And so he finally did something good for me and answered in my place. That's an interesting dream, ma'am. I think if God lived in the forest, he wouldn't give you a nightmare like that. that that you did at the end of the laugh pissed me

at Dan so much the little like the satisfaction after the laugh at your own thing you said and I want to say that I want to say that I probably

have put Dan into a like in a position of no redemption now no because I feel bad he's wearing suspenders in a bow tie in my mind now I've got to fight him

took him a moment before he finally spoke but his voice was a hoarse whisper that he probably couldn't even pick up a little he said and smirked with a sad excuse for a chuckle you're friendlier when I can't hear you well okay so she picks up Dan

and she throws him through the pain class window I think Dan's kind of growing on me a bit no honestly you know what honestly did it is that chuckle that you did when you were being him earlier because now what he did the you're friendlier when I can't hear you well I couldn't help but imagine like uh well you're friendly I could I could have read I could have read it like uh you could have like you're friendly

when I can't hear you well that's what it was in my head so you didn't have to read it that way you've already said that in stone so all right all right okay you kind of feel bad for him and I like that even as Evelyn was annoyed with him as well by the end She was just kind of like, I can kind of miss them. Like I like, I hope that we get some more of those interactions. Or even maybe Dan can come out. Maybe come back, I should say. Um, no.

No, no, I just, I'm only to scream with you on that one. I, I don't, I don't need a back. I don't. I think he's going to stay. Isn't your fault a little bit. He's going to stick around for a while is what I think. The hyper eagerness of him is going to get on my nerves. Good.

Which if I heard on the radio, I would change the station immediately. You won't be returning to work for a few days, probably, and may not be wearing a headset for a long time. But while talking to his mother, I heard him in the background saying, Is that Evelyn? Tell I'm not done being a nuisance yet. It's like a steak in your heart every time. love it. It is. It is the hum of satisfaction after laughing at your own joke. It's absurd. It's awful. Beggers can't be choosers. I watched his eyes lit up seeing the get-well cars that have

been left on his side of the console. He snorted when he noticed the one I left for him. Happy birthday grandma. I want to feel bad because it's not him. It's you that makes me aid him. But it's so inseparable in my mind at this point. Like when we heard his last name was Esperanza, I just coasted over that fact. I coasted over the mention he has moppy black hair.

In my head, it's like he has a perm, like a perm almost of like, he's a ginger kid yeah yeah yeah and it's like in it's like a high in tight but it sets off his head and his curly and he's wearing glasses that are taped in the middle he basically he looks like a human embodiment of carl weezer from jimmy neutral but annoyingly skinny oh gosh okay whatever paw turned to me flickering candlelight olives of his face were cast in sharp relief he looks more like an ape than a man

this is where I live you son he said put his arms on my shoulders don't be afraid you won't be hurt I promise just do what nature tells you to do oh no hunter this uh so then he so he leaves

he's gonna leave him here and that's what happened on james birthday as well but I'm wondering yeah nature I know yeah it's gonna be it might be uh yeah might be uh yeah in the jungle the mighty jungle um that's her

a we mow up a we mow up a hunter it's kind of I really loved all the descriptive stuff of like the moth wings pattering the like dry I just imagine

like little droplet sounds you know like the moisture dropping from this tunnel and even just like the fire like the wick burning and dancing it's so quiet in the in the tunnel that you I just that description was really nice

I really put me like to sunk me in like wrap me like a blanket it was really good the writing's great like the quality of writing measured tones and stuff awesome nature though what's really funny

is as soon as you hear nature in that context the first thing you go to is in the jungle so I can only imagine that that is what plays in your head never you are letting nature take over a wee mow up a we mow up a we mow up Bad day at the bank dear.

My mother asked, stirring a pot full of sauce. She was, oh, I thought he was, she was being. I saw stirring a pot and thought it was a metaphor. She's actually stirring a fun. My mother asked, stirring a pot full of sauce she was preparing. My dad turned to look at her. I had the worst day I've ever had. You can't even imagine.

None of you can. The things I go through to put food on this table! My mother turned frowned. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Can I get you a beer? Is that your, I want a beer? That's like this. Uh, duh. uh a dur earth to stupid uh yes is that he talks to his wife too no i do oh my god baby please could you

hmm mm hmm my mom went to the fridge and pulled one out handing it to him and putting a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. My dad went to twist the top off, but pulled his hand away with a snarl. Ah! Shit! Of course it's not a twist top. Why would it be? Such a funny thing to get mad at it.

Ah! Ah! Ah! I guess you need a goddamn opener for everything! Nothing works in this house. Another works on this. Fuck! Originally, I had worked in the labs found in the second sub-base.

to my assumption, the last basement. To my surprise, when my new clearance came, I was informed I would be in the 11th sub-basement from now on. I remember the conversation pretty vividly. My manager, Timothy Ruth, who was also a high-ranking army general, had come into my office in the morning. Still no luck on the infancy mortality, Dick? No, unfortunately not.

Well. He just has a bunch of baby dolls. He's like, I don't know, there's a god. to be a clue. No, just a bunch of dead battery babies on my desk. He's just like, he has a slingshot.

Yeah. All the babies, all the babies always have like goggles and helmets on and like a giant bull's eye on the wall. He's just rolling them into the wall. They're still,

they're still dying on impact, Sergeant. At ease, dick. Just all night He's got a clipboard And he's like walking over to the dolls And writing notes And then putting it back in the slingshot

That's all right Not every problem is going to get solved immediately That said We're outsourcing this problem I'll keep trying Sergeant, thank you sir not every problem is going to get solved immediately as they're flying in between the two of them

like straight and in the walls his smile was friendly there was a twitch in his brow something in his voice I've poisoned the scene for me I apologize. It's something in his voice like annoyance I hadn't heard before.

Wait. Am I being fired? No, no, no, no. A brilliant mind like yours? No, no, no. That's the most condescending should have ever heard my life, dude. No, no, no, no. A brilliant mind like yours?

Slingshotting the babies into the wall with goggles and helmets? No. With his two eyes askew in that flopping foam jaw and the fishing line, that opened and closed it. Ah, it just looked so cheap and awful. You guys remembered the villain. He had a face that was just a handlebar mustache above really tall, narrow teeth.

I just noticed that the guy's name is Kevin Hart. Yes, this person's name is Kevin Hart. Could be the candor, Kevin Hart. How do we know it's not the professional, the huge stand-up comedian, Kevin Hart? We'll never know. I think you should do that voice. I am not going to...

I don't know what could possibly... I think that that's... You know what I think that I just... I honestly, no, I'm going to joke. I honestly thought that the villain was Pirate Percy. I was about five when the show was on. Nightmare fuel. Jaron says, that wasn't the villain.

The puppet with the mustache? That was the villain's sidekick. Horace horrible. He had a monocle too, but it was on top of the mustache. I used to think that meant he only had one eye. But yeah, the villain was another marionette, the skin taker. What the fuck? the skin taker. I can't believe

what they let us watch back then. Holy hell. That just turned up to 11. Everyone's like, yeah, Pirate Percy. Horace horrible. No, it was the skin taker. The skin taker. That's what you're forgetting. Oh, yeah, that is what I'm forgetting, huh? I forgot about the skin taker.

That was the naked man. For the series, the skin taker. The man who was completely naked on screens trying to extend his four skin. Yeah, so Kevin Hartz again says, Jesus age Christ, the skin taker.

Good God. What kind of show are we watching? I seriously could not look at the screen when the skin taker showed up. He just descended out of nowhere on his strings, just a dirty skeleton wearing that brown top hat and cape and his glass eyes

that were too big for his skull. Christ almighty. It just goes straight from like zero. Oh, yeah. Well, at least they grind it back down. You know, I like, they ground it back down with him being like, oh, it was a skeleton with a cape and hat, whatever.

So it's still, it's still in the vein of this children's show. It's not like it's some, you know. It's a little too dark thematically, but you can still think of it as a children's show. Yeah. I mean, if it was. It makes you ask the question, like, why were we, why did they let kids watch this? But it doesn't break it out of like, okay, we weren't watching a kid show yet. It's just like, why would this be in a kid show?

I really hope that it wasn't, uh, they didn't even go into it. And people were just like, yeah, but that wasn't the villain. It was Syed Knight Sidney. Oh, yeah, that's right. Side Knight Sidney. But she, she wasn't, she wasn't the main villain. It was Al-Qaeda Al. You're like, no.

Yeah, Al-Qaeda, Al-who, he was scary. But it just keeps going and going. That wasn't the villain. It was Nazi Nigel. It was Nazi, it was Nazi Nigel. Just progressively more, like, that's, yeah, uh-oh. Yeah, you guys are, you know, I can see how you can get that wrong, but actually the main villain was four-skinned Frank. They get to, they get to the end.

It's like, guys, that wasn't the villain. It was Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah. Yeah. And the whole, and at the end of the deal, the show was ran by Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah. That's the way to it in. I like to think that all the puppets are just four-skin references where it's just like,

I bet you would, wouldn't you? Well, I just mean, can you imagine the people be like, sure, okay, fine, never mind. No, no, Hunter. How would I imagine people being like? I was just going to say that wouldn't it be fucking crazy? Wouldn't it be the fucking craziest fucking thing? If all the puppets were four skin related.

And then at the end, Isaiah, it turns out that all the puppets were made out of kids' four skins. And it was a disgruntled man who was clipped. when he was younger. I see. I see like they took it for me kind of attitude about it. You think a lot about children's foreskins. And then you get the,

and then you get the classic pedophilia kind of angle that all these things have, right? Yes. Yeah, they always tie back. You've got to have that. Stranger danger kind of thing. Exactly.

If the creepy posse doesn't have it, then I feel like people got laughed off the internet. Yeah, so somewhere in the list of like actual villains, it's like, oh, pedophile Pete. Like he's a, yeah, that's what I'm, saying. Yeah. They're all this, they're all essentially the same character. They're just made of different for skin.

Anyway, I'm going back to the story. Every puppet has a turtleneck. I didn't tried yet, but I attempted to move my arms and then my legs. Stop moaning. Despite the lingering pain from my back, nothing appeared to be broken.

I think I'll be all right. I slowly began to stand feeling the man helped me up. Are you sure you're all right, Marcus? He'll be all right man said helping me towards the light of the door when my eyes eventually adjusted i could finally make out of okay here's what i'm going to do so there's long sections that i can read so if i go into discord and i mute him i'll stop by i'm just trying to do the thing if he was

i'll stop doing it but he was supposed i was just supposed to be like he's hurting he's like so now that he's muted uh i'm going to read until it comes to a quote and then so i can't hear him until i get to a point where there's another quote then i'll unmute him when my eyes eventually adjusted i could finally make out his face it was terence after reaching the exit he shut the door to the room behind us it felt good to be out of there and back in the coolness of the lobby apparently i'd been sweating because i could see the large spots across my side did you hear it I came back and unmuted to because it's your turn and it was very distorted over the microphone but it sounded it sounded like the noise when like you step on a dog toy really hard that like sweeps it's like the entire time you're reading it was just like Now look here. I know y'all guess no, but I'm gonna need you to injure little

explore. I need you injuring. This is Lauren. We cannot read this late in the day. I'm telling you that right now. The only other time we've read after like 4 p.m. was the Dionea house, which became eat me like a bug so historically our track record for doing stuff later in the day not great oh uh and like and like introducing a pregnant woman to us after this time bad

idea we're immediately going to make the guy weird he's going to have a lot of weird bits so the midnight game uh was one of the earliest like ritual creepy pauses at least one of the earliest ones I remember. The image we're working off of was uploaded January 10th 2011 to Imger, the image board. I think this is

the first iteration of it. It appears to be a screenshot, but this is the earliest one that I remember. Hunter is now using his power and controlling the television screen in front of me to show me just obscene things. It was a buff, Darth mall. He keeps

typing in things while I'm setting It was on the side. I'm sorry. He keeps typing in things to break my concentration. Okay. Now it's all. Okay. Hold on me.

He has to get back. What if I just start doing the episode? Just start reading rituals. I'll tell you honestly, a reason that I'm just so excited that my friend's here and that we get to, you know, read this.

And then also, this coffee's blasting through me. Like, I'm not a joke and like, I'm going to have to take like a five and like dump it out. Dump it out before we can get rolling. I mean, but I'm like in the hot. I'm like wanting to just get rolling. We have not done anything.

We have not rolling yet. If you need, if we haven't even read a thing yet, I've been doing this intro for 12 hours. There's a movie called the the Midnight game that came out in 2013. Uh, it might be related. She's a pentagram on her back. So that's probably, it's probably related. Yeah. What's funny is too, I was like. I was like the super like, um, annoyingly studious kid.

So I'd always be like, yes, my turn. I know exactly where we are. I don't need to ask me because I know exactly where I'm. Mr. Tamlin, I know exactly where I know exactly where we're at. Mrs. Tamlin. Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly where we're at, Ms. Tamlin. She's like, okay, cool.

Anytime. Anytime. I'm ready. I'm ready. Just literally tell me anytime and I'll be ready. I love you, Ms. Tamlin. Oh, you're whatever. I wonder if you think we would have gotten along in high school. Well, also, God, you're so much younger than me.

Probably not, dude. you're like, who the fucks is a young dork? Well, I, I hope we wouldn't get along if you were like 22 and I was like in the sixth grade. Hey, let's hang out. Come on. That is so funny to imagine that you were like literally child predator age compared to me. How old are you again? I'm 25.

Okay. And I'm 46. So we're, we're deeply, deeply different ages. 21 years older than me. I don't know because it depends on the age. If we were in high school, I think we would have got along. If we were in middle school, I don't think so because I was so socially awkward. And like, where I was like race super religious, I was like kind of afraid of like kids that listen to like heavy metal and stuff like that.

I feel like that would be prime like you bullied me age. But if it was like later high school, I think we would have got along. Cool, dude. You know what? No, I would have called the police because I was like this guy is definitely. Hey, so there's a shooter. This guy's trying to talk to me, help. Someone help.

Literally. That would be me. That's what I sounded like. That's how the call would have been. Oh, God. Oh, God. Someone else. Exactly like that.

Yes, correct. I agree. Rituals for what? To create circuses. Among other things. If you told Kurt all about circuses, basically from day one, circus is a locus, place where several planes of reality converge circuses do not occur naturally god I cannot feel so dude I keep

thinking of like a fucking clown and like an elephant on a ball and stuff like that I'm so fucking stupid there's like it he told Kurt about the circuses and I just think like hello there he's like going around you know come inside look at the like an elephant and all kinds of like a bear on a ball like rolling around the deal trap a trapeas act yeah exactly yeah it's it's it's funny to imagine that she's like well we were in the breeding programs do you want me to tell you about it and then hunters just like talking to this woman

and in his mind's like do do do do do do well I would just be yeah well she'd be saying all the stuff it's like it's different planes of existence and then I look at her and I'm like I have like glasses on I take them off and I'm just like but what of the clowns no you have a clown nose on

at any time that she says something traumatic you honk it uh huh that'd be a really fun grief counselor exactly like a girl like yeah and I never saw my dad after that my father he he drank and I just think I he'd come home and he hit me whoa exactly and I didn't go on he's got like a he's got a sly whistle her death affected me because I started drinking my hurt I started drinking myself and I

just every time I look in the mirror all I do is I see him that must have been hard for you dude grief counselor the the clown grief counselor is sick it's awesome that should be a real thing just talking about like her parents abuse and then when it's a good thing it goes up and when it's a bad thing you go down but then i met kyle he's got like he's got like blue hair off those sides of his head and when he gets happy it goes up when he gets sad is a bunch of theater mask that puts on for happy and sad faces and stuff my name's Chim Chim, the grief counselor, please come in.

My name is Boingerton. The last time you said Chim Chim, in a story was related to a monkey. So now imagine he also has like a chimpanzee. Yeah, exactly. Mr. Banana, would you mind giving us our file? That's what it's like Patch Adams, but like the way the movie depicted him. Just like, oh, you're, yeah, Robin Williams is a councilor. Your parents took advantage of you.

Good morning, domestic abuse. You're free, genie. Rob Williams just swinging in a closet. No, I'm kidding. All right. Let's go. The proper circus acts as a cage. Like all cages, the bars rust and the locks break if you aren't careful.

That was why Evie left him, her guardian, old now, on her deathbed, ordered her to take care of the circus. Kurt was flabbergasted. What kind of horror story, fairy tale MK ultra shit was this? I feel like mother horse eyes just like zipped by in an airplane. Oh quick because I read that. Yeah. Yeah.

Flether faces. Yeah. Evie claimed they Thank you, Doctor Thank you, Doctor And Jim, Jim. Evie claimed they kill him if she didn't do it. Sometimes his life was in danger.

Sometimes you got to wake up and smell the roses. He has that fake plastic flower in his shirt pocket and squirts her in the face. just kidding go ahead that's a good you put a whoopee cushion under the therapy chair oh this coming from a grave counselor would be so here have a seat oh excuse you we're like a chimpanzee's the chimps in a cage and he's like freaking the fuck out Walk, walk, walk, walk, wha!

And meanwhile, meanwhile, there's just, like, there's just a girl said, like, there's just a girl said that they're really serious, traumatized. And once it gets. And once it gets quiet. And once it gets quiet, I still haven't heard from my dad. There's another whoopee cushion. Whoa!

Whoa! It all starts again. again. After that second one's like, well, it looks like that's all the time we have for today. Yeah, he like cuts off as soon as the time hits. He's like, so actually we, I guess we'll just schedule for a next Thursday. Get out. Get out.

Thank you so much for coming in, Rebecca. The monkey chills up too. Like, just immediately falls asleep. Oh, okay. Oh, that would because that would be cushion say just really that got me really good. I mean, just the sentence, it's whooping commission in a grief counseling. I like the thing that she walks into, he's like, already. in their face painted hair blue giant red nose his legs crossed he's like go ahead

don't see he's like playing it really straight go ahead of seat and then yeah just a giant wet and it just sits just starts the chaos so good it's like the bizarre version i'm sorry i just keep good life thinking about the monkey just freaking out to it. He's actually has to break for a second. Don't get closer to the cage. Rebecca back. Get back. Freaking out at her. It's like the bizarro version of that like for sale baby shoes never worn. It's like grief council chair with what because that this is actually that you know what that is. I said that's legitimately a good two sentence horror.

it's a six word story yeah it's so good um all right anyway do you need some clothes for your beautiful body yep why cover it let it hang out it'll be free some hats some shirts backpack well actually i'm saying don't buy it you're saying don't buy it no where you're saying don't buy it no no no mine why the link is there but no don't do it why shouldn't we buy it i'm nagging I'm trying to because they're going to be like dad says to not buy it therefore I want it, right? It's like you tell your kid, don't smoke pot. What's he going to do? He wants to go smoke pot.

Don't go get the merch. You would look real silly. What are you looking at it? You keep looking over here. I hope you don't go get it. Turn the phones off all recording. God, dear. My alarm I set last night to wake up in the morning, but I put it to P.M.

I just like, there is no way we're ever going to actually get ahead. There's no way where we are it is Sisyphus. It is Sisyphus rolling the ball up the hill. Thanks, I for them. The P and the A look kind of mind you, his alarm to wake up was going to be 9.30 a. I've seen him, I've seen him wake up before and it's haunting. it's like a war vet waking up literally he like he sits there he's either completely dead

or then when he decides to wake up he does like I just imagine this morning some kind of internal like demon was in his brain that fucking woke him up on time luckily what time are you going to bed oh I mean last night I went to bed at three and then I woke up at 720 to get to the airport also why'd you do that I could have drove him to the airport I didn't want you to be mad at... Are you... Is that a legitimate thing?

Yeah. Wait. You get you shit every time you gotta take him to the airport. But because... You know why? Because he comes in at 3 a.m. Okay, well, yes. But then whenever I go out, I've gotten him every time he comes in at like midnight.

Like, okay, that's fine, I guess. He's like, well, the tickets are $30 cheaper. Okay. Right. Right. Whatever. go to his neck of the woods, he's like,

nah, it's too much of a drive. And I'm like, fair! That's fair. Right. So it's bullshit. Okay. Well, can I just say, can I just say that when I landed here yesterday? I was, I was in a goop suit. Yeah, and you didn't tell me about any

that. I land here. He's, I'm like, hey, I'm going to be there Thursday at three. Hunter's like Thursday at three, got it. Thursday at three. It was a stressful week. Thursday at three, I'm like, hey man. Nothing. That's, but that is rare though. 15 minutes later, that's not an ongoing thing. 15 minutes later, I call Hunter. Nothing. I was in the goop suit. I text in the group chat. Harry's like, are you here? Yes. Yes, I am. And he's like, do you need a ride? And I'm like, well, I guess not. I guess not. I was so I was in a goop suit. It was a, it's a stressful week. I Uber over here. And there's 40 people here.

And I just like, we had, we had lights and cameras on the good suit. Here's the thing about Hunter. He never tells you anything. That can't possibly be true. He's just like, what do you point of him for? They know because they work with you. I know they know. Hunter's like, I feel like I'm overbearing.

I feel like I tell them too much. No, no. Maybe them specifically, but other people, it's like, hey, you like, you want to do something? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, cool. And then I'll get there. And there will be like 18 things happen. happening at once. And he was like, yeah. So like just, just no. To be fair, to be

completely transparent, the shoot day got pushed back and I slipped my mind. Okay. So this was not supposed to even going on. That's true. So, okay. Is that true? Sure. That is true. Sure. But me and you talked about me coming in Tuesday. So that means while you were on the shoot, you were like, he doesn't need to know. He'll figure it out. Thursday at three. got pushed got it the shoot got pushed and it slipped my mind it is it was a lot of that during the shoot we were communicating about me can i just like never brought it up or what is the our smile dog no no no you're not getting out of this one you got to get to the you walking up the hill with your little oh yeah yeah okay yeah thank you harry thank you i get i get here

i get it so i have to uber over to my friend's house right the driver's like, oh, is this like a buddy of yours? And I'm like, allegedly. We get up to the house. We pull up to the fence. And he's like, you want me to drive you up? And I'm like, to be honest, Hunter didn't give me any, or sorry, my friend didn't give me any directions. I don't know if, you know, what door he's in, what room he's in. I don't even know if he wants you to come in. We'll just stay here. He's like, are you sure? It's raining. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure. So I get out in the rain. And I have my little rolly backpack. And I just start walking up Hunter's driveway. And then I look to the house and I'm like, well, if my friend was in here, I guess he'd probably be looking for me. So he must not be there. Come to find out. Allison was just watching me the whole time. Just then it waved did it like he's over there. Just looked from the house. Watch me in the rain. I walk all the way up the hill. I get to the top and Harry comes outside because he cares. Harry comes

outside. And he was like, hey, Isaiah. I'm like, oh, hi, are you guys in there? No concept of different people being here. Anything going on. He was like, yeah, you can set your stuff in here. I'll show you the new building. I'm like, oh, wow, there's a new building. I set my stuff in one door. Go to this new building. I open a door. There are, I kid you not 35 people. standing around on a movie set doing things and I'm just like I what I'll be the bigger man and admit that I was wrong I should have been more intentive but I will say can I have two words have two can I have two words goop suit if I didn't have the goop suit on this whole thing would have been a it would have been fine so so two things would have been fine actually either, hey, you're going to walk onto a movie set. I didn't think that that would be a big deal.

And you know what I would, it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big deal. I'm saying with that information, I would have said, oh, I can Uber. That's true. Or even then, I'll be the bigger man and admit that's true. Or even then, just say, hey, can you Uber over? I will concede to be the bigger man that I, I will, I will decide. Because I reach, how do I pay you back?

I reached this decision point when I got to the Kansas City airport, like the end of it, where I'm like, well, I could leave security and go outside, but I don't know if he's coming. So I guess I'll sit here. And that's a bit over dramatic. And then I just sat there for a while. That was, that was more of a terrorist act than anything. It was. To not even to be leave the airport being like, well, I guess one sinabon wouldn't hurt. I, I was in the wind.

Also, why didn't you text Harry sooner? I did. I did text him. You know what? I responded right when you text a group chat, but you didn't. Look at the, look at the time code. That's what I'm doing right now. Reference the time code.

Harry, you do the same. Okay. Okay. Okay. Harry can verify what I'm saying. We're all, this is also a horror story podcast, by the way. I landed, I landed early at 246. That's not my fault.

That's the point. Actually, I said landed when we got to the game. So I landed like earlier. That's the pilot's fault is on my fault. I said landed 15 minutes early. Nothing. I'm like, okay, I walk all the way to the front, right before I'm about to make the decision where I can't come back into the airport. I call Hunter at 311.

So I was, so that's 14. That's 25 minutes. I call Hunter. Hunter doesn't say anything. I then go to the group chat. It has nothing to do with me yet. And I say at 312. I'm going to build a tent

in the airport and then that was at 312 5 minutes later Harry text me if you're already been waiting 205 that's not bad what 30 minutes to have a half hour now in front of Cineball

To be fair you were early so technically break it even about 10 minutes to when you're supposed to land that's not our fault He says what happened I said nothing I'm just giving, I'm just giving. What happened?

What happened? When he said what happened, I thought to myself, does he even know I'm coming? Does he even know that I? You're here? Question mark. I thought you got like delayed or something. No. It was three.

It was when the plane would be here. I said, okay, so I said I'm going to pitch a tent. And Harry says, why haven't? I said nothing. I'm just giving her a hard time. Says those are going to have a boner. And then I'm sure. I got up.

Doesn't it? And then I said... And then I said... I got a big old boner of the airport. No one's picking me up so I guess I'm... Don't make this one of your bits. Don't make this about you. So I guess I'm getting hard.

Don't know. No. I said... I said nothing. I'm here in Kansas. I'm an Indian. And I got a teepee in between my legs. And Harry says...

The audacity. The audacity. by the way. Harry says, do you need a ride? One minute later. And then 60 seconds. And then he says,

Hunter is covered in goo and slime. Goopsuit. Again, I have no concept of a film or anything. So that would be confusing. I think. I'll be the bigger man here. And I will admit that that would be confusing.

I thought you were shooting a Papa Meat video. And like there was some bit where you have Nickelodeon slime on you or something. I'm like, oh, okay, whatever. So I said LMAO. I can Uber. So I do that. And once again, I walk, oh yeah, here's me walking up the driveway at 358 p.m.

After I got over an hour later, I'm walking in. It's been a cool hour. And I say, are y'all in the studio? Once again, no one gives me any heads up. And Harry says, are you outside? I'll come get you. And then once again, walk into a room and I'm just, it's, I'm surrounded.

You know what? And then he steps away from the set. Walks over to me. And the first thing he says to me is look who decided to show up. I forgot about that. You know what? That was, that was rude. That was rude.

And obviously, there has to be some kind of payback. And you know what I'll do? Whenever I go out to visit you next time, I'm not going to ask for a ride. And I'll tell you what I'll do too. I will literally film myself sitting in an airport for an hour. I will do that for you. Thank you. I will do that.

And I'll say, we're even. And then I'll take an Uber. Wherever I need to go. But it has, well, it can't be the next trip. It has to be randomly. One trip, you're going to land. And I'm just not going to say anything. And you're like, this is that trip.

I'll take it. That'll be the thing. I'll do. Yeah. I see. Let's not fair though, because you never respond to texts anyways. How many times have I texted you, sir? No, no, no.

That's completely different. Okay. That's different because... Well, how would I know? That's because you text me out of the blue. And whenever I'm working during the day... I'm just a schedule by text you? No, no, no.

My point is I set my phone away so I don't get distracted. I'm real bad about people. Oh, so you'll say, because you know that I'm showing up that you'll be looking at it. Exactly. Okay. Yes. I see. I had said two days prior Thursday at 3 p.m. Absolutely.

Yeah. No, I was in the wrong. I'll be the big man. I'll take the high road. I'll admit I'm wrong. I was wrong. I was a bad boy. I should have been the goop suit.

Should have reconsidered this. Could have even probably pushed this a week. Probably. I think, I think if my friend started talking about this, I'd be like, why don't you shut the hell up, dude? It'd be like, what are you talking? What the fuck are you? Yeah, I just say. Was it life structured at high school?

It's like, what do you, we, who taught you? You have a full-time job. First, he's a full- You work in a movie theater. You're playing video games and you're like, I need structure. I need structure. I work 40 hours of the Marines. Also, just because I, it's like you have the idea of like,

I work 40 hours at a minimum wage job, which you know, sure. Is that a career? It might not be a career now, but that's still a lot of things you have to, I mean, you have to be there at a certain time. You have to do a set amount. They're arguing there's no structure when they have structure. Yeah. It's like they don't have a, yeah.

I feel like this is, he's trying to lead into gay sex is what I think is happened. I mean, it's kind of leading. I just, God, it's, it's definitely feels like this is one, one click away from him being like, of David being like, why is your pants off? And he's going to be, I don't know, why is your pants off? I just, I just need something, uh, I don't. I need someone to put me in line. I need someone to keep me in check. I think I'm going to go home.

No, come here. Look at my structure. Someone to tell me how bad I am. Tell me how bad I am at structure. I rounded the corner of the house and smashed right into a patio table and chairs. The chairs clattered down and the table tipped over while my body folded around it. My heart was pounding as I untangled myself. That's when David grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me down. My face against the edge of the table.

I'm telling you, it's gay sex. That is the end of part two. Part two is ending in gay sex 100%. Dude, that would make this a way scarier story. Oh, my God, 100%. He just says, red cabbage, red cabbage. Oh, okay. All right.

That's the end of part two. End of part two. And, uh, yeah. I mean, you know what? I'll give it this. I'm slowly being kind of bought in. I hope we keep bought in. Not for a legitimate reason.

No, no, no. No, it's getting absurd and silly, and I like, I'm having, like, I'm having more fun. The part one, I'm not going to lie, it was kind of like, it was like stepping in like deep mud. But now it feels like, it feels like, we're having fun. If you imagine him as like a super powerful dimensional being. Yes. I imagine he wasn't even running. He was like flying.

He was floating. He looked like Goku flying. Yeah, I think that feels way better. I'm imagining like angry video games. nerd outfit but he has like Martian Manhunter powers like yeah he has the Nintendo orange gun yeah

with looking her spoon clean and putting it back in the drawer she took a knife it was brutal I'm in a sharp knife she imagined it in birth his head and got a feeling again wait did you see it no but I saw a crack here so I said maybe he's there like for a second

he just shy the line of her Like that will Are we recording? Yeah, we're recording So Isaiah brought a little to my studio We have to clap, we have to clap One, two, three Isaiah brought a live animal into my studio

Okay Gave it to Nick who squeamishly screamed And threw a frog So now there's gonna be a rotting smell in here Because there's gonna be a dead frog Look, look, I went outside And I asked him, I said Oh, can you

Can you get the fucking live animal Back outside where it belongs? So now we can't find it. So now Nick's walking around with a red blanket and a yellow light. So if you see little streaks of yellow light that's him looking around on the floor.

Okay. I was outside and there's a cute little tree frog. I'm like, oh. So I'll hold him in my hand. Now bring him in here. I'm like, hey, Nick, hold your hand out. And he goes, okay. And to be fair, I was kind of doing it

in the whole like, I've got to bug him my hand like way to freak him out. The moment the frog touched his hand. I think he went out. A sweet little innocent frog. I think he went towards... Why even bring him in here? I just wanted to show you guys.

I thought he was cool. I thought he was cute. He had big black eyes. He is. And he was green. They're just chilling. He was green. They need to be outside.

I just wanted to share with my friends. But I think he went towards that book pile, but we tore that thing apart and we can't find him. So there's a frog in here somewhere. He's going to die. Nick looks like a refugee. crawling around in the recording studio. He was going to happen to worry.

He's so small that we're going to be walking around. It should be crunch and we're going to step on him. Look, I'm sorry. Okay, I like frogs. I like animals. I didn't want him to get hurt. I thought Nick would be like, oh, it's cool. And then that'd be the end of it.

I should have approached him in a scary tone. I should have given it to you. Should have not brought him in. Did you check in the fireplace? Yeah. Yeah, we looked in there. I'm sorry. Okay, what if we just started the episode while he's continuing?

Well, he has to look the entire time until he finds him. And he keeps cutting off. To be fair, you should look to because you're the one who brought him in. I mean, yeah, but we've got to record. I'll read it. Also, welcome back to Creepcast. Hey, if you're an audio listener, thanks for listening to this. All right?

If you're listening on audio, you're missing the visuals of a man squirming, around, and Isaiah getting ready to get up and look too, because I'm reading, I'm taking the fucking bowl by the horns on this one. No, that's a cricket. Dead cricket. It was on the track. The frog

doesn't look like a cricket. No. I just saw something dead. He's not dead that quick. If he went to the books, he's fine. people watching this right now have not seen Nick's face yet and it's kind of haunted

you see like the bent over figure of his back this couldn't this is this is the last of the stories reading as Isaiah's in town and it's going to be not only is it going to be bad but it's also we have frog death

I'm sorry to you and the frog I wanted to just show everyone a cool frog I found I didn't mean for him. Would you like me to look? Yeah. And I'll take the bull by the horns. Go ahead. We're reading, we're reading, don't fucking say that. You'll find them.

Find the frog, free him, and then... I'll start over here. We're reading Jane the Killer. So while they're looking for frogs, you guys can watch and look for frogs. We're going to find this frog, so help me God. And easy where he dropped the heavy books, you might squash the little motherfucker. I'm setting them. They're heavy books.

I'm sending them over here to the area Or start with Jane's letter A.k.a. Jane the killer. On a hot summer night, around 4.33 in the morning. You got to, you can't, you can't, you got to, look. I don't want you to speak until the frog is found. Well, explain the story.

Why are we reading it? It's Jane the killer. You're like, you don't even exist. You're just as lost as the frog is. All right? If you know anything about creepy posies, Jeff the killer is a big, big deal, big meme, but there's a,

A female offshoot of it, and it's Jane the Killer. If my co-host didn't lose a frog, you might have more insight in it. But guess what? We're going in blind together. I don't give a shit. Jane the Killer. You stop! And you just keep looking for the frog!

If we don't find this frog, it's going to be bad. We're going to be in a bad place. I don't know where he's at. No shit. That's why you've got to keep looking. On a hot summer... And I don't want to hear a goddamn peep until you say, oh, I found him, and I don't want any of that cricket bullshit anymore either.

Spoiler, there's a cricket in that back corner, Nick. It's not a frog. Back there? And yeah, the wall's green. It's not the frog. Okay. Have you looked behind the sets yet? There's no...

You think I threw him over the set? I think he probably ran back there. He probably hopped back there. He's probably frightened. Now we're going to have peed on her ass. You already peed on me. the actual official story here which was born of science, James the killer

which the picture for audio viewers here will put it up on the screen. Stop, stop. But we're putting the image up on the screen. It says, don't go to sleep. You won't wake up. And it basically looks like an Evanescence album cover or something like that.

Stop. I want the frog out of the studio alive and well. And Nick, I don't even know why you're stopping. I think he's out What how could you possibly come to that conclusion That is just the sign of a man who doesn't want to look anymore I don't think he's in here

Did you look behind the magic set You don't think he could hop around that way You know this is why we don't bring live animals And you both should know better When you threw it Did you throw it? Where did it go once it make contact with your hand. 2002 was a good year for Jane Richardson,

losing both of her parents to Jeff the killer. Tackling a job at IHOP as a waitress, with barely enough money to get by on him being both mother and father to her little sister, Jesse, who was 13-year-olds during that time. Quit, quit. Jane's aunt. He's right here.

Oh! Yes! Oh! Okay. Save him! I see him. Quit. Yes.

No, quit, quit, quit. quit Redemption Oh Got him Hey buddy I got him I got him

I got him Show it to the camera Wait prove that it was actually If I'm afraid of open my hand Oh you okay Hold up Can I see this one?

Hold on it There's no light on it Wait Here I got a light You see him in there Is he healthy? Does he look healthy? He's good he's smiling It's not focusing

You gotta focus the camera Oh here You want me to do that Okay there you go oh he's wriggling look him he's wriggling he's a little wet guy

a little slimy dude all right now take him back to his frog family I can sleep well okay he was he was cute good job finding him that was a whole Isaiah he spotted him

yes but you shaked it and that we gave him the motivation to look over where'd he go he's probably gonna bring in a fucking deer next he's gonna bring in a rabid raccoon I'm coming I'm coming

I'm coming That was an exciting first 10 minutes I thought I thought last episode's opening was rough but we finally to surpass it What do you mean that was not rough

That was exciting That's like a race against time Is that exciting watching you both hobble on the ground Trying to save an innocent animal All right well Isaiah you might not have heard but we are on the second story born of science Jane the killer if you'd like to start from the top I've already given a nice description

for our audio listeners of what the image looks like but if you want to jump in I'm more than happy it's a goth chick I told you that is already that's taken care of straight from the top we can go ahead then let me ask you something okay before we get into the story I don't really need you to kind of snug because today's story is going to be a

creepy one from a very good author so I'm going to get you extra scared right at the beginning what would you do picture yourself living in your bed it's like 3.30 in the morning there's a small lamp on illuminating

besides your bed right what would you do if there's a man my size completely nude sweaty as shit you have two options Would you rather he sings beginning of Jackson 5's ABC or if he sings that Gary Jules cover of Mad World that was popular in Donnie Darko? Which would which would you which would you rather he sing?

Can I kill myself? That is out of the question then probably ABC See, I was going to say Mad World So that tells a lot about us And I guess our sleep paralysis demons So what was your point at asking that

Did you- Welcome back to creepcast Today we are going to be reading My dad ate meat from a deer That walked on two legs Now He's acting kind of strange. Isaiah, why don't you tell us about this seasoned author that we've read before?

You just, you take me from these scenarios and you ask me questions and I'm expected to perform. Is it nothing happened? This story is from, okay. This story is from two, three. Tees is story me, A, B, C. B, C. B. B.

B. me. Oh, God. You said excitedly, as he pointed at the bizarre being. It's a magnopian squid. What does that look like? Oh, oh, absolutely not. Yeah, this is the big fin squid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This thing went around online because someone got a video of one underneath an oil rig, just floating in the distance. Look, look that up, Hunter. type that in and tell me that it's the worst thing i would uh my god i know right what the fuck huge those tendrils are like hell i mean it says here it says it says here 26 foot long armed squid found in november 27 by an oil rig 26 feet 26 feet yeah think about how small you'd be next to it yeah you know shack yeah he's not that tall

Sees like an unspeakable entity underwater. How many shacks is that? Yeah. All right. So guys, we're looking at maybe, I don't know, probably seven shacks right here. Are you getting this? Do you guys see this? That's seven shacks.

There's just, hold on. Seven shacks and three championship rings. Holy shit. that guys this thing might be 10 shacks long it's just 10 shacks long that's 10 shacks pull me up he has the picture i just sent you on the wall but it's just to kill o'neal anytime anytime they see something he runs over to the chart he's like oh my of each other and see what we're really dealing with here captain you're going to want to see the captain Shaquille O'Neal yeah come on Chuck you talked you got go down

the San Antonio I'm telling you yeah he sees the squiddies like that's that San Antonio woman floating around out there yeah the best Charles Barkley quote of all time is he's like San Antonio women need to learn two words on full is like the greatest thing of all time I'm full all right so that thing's floating around down there

whoever owned this car previously they had an adult side sleeping bag and a child slice sleeping back in the back with a picture attached that is great world building I like more of that like you come across a band of guards with like an adult and a child size bag of it is to be like a

a family, like a parent and a kid died. Yeah. You know? That's pretty creepy. Yeah. They got sucked up or they succumb to the red light or whatever. Yeah. Didn't get low enough.

Exactly. Yeah. Didn't get near the ground. And also like just the haunchiness of like the car door was open, right? But it was recent. The battery was stripped from your car. It was digging. Yeah.

Pretty creepy. And there was a blue light right above. Yeah. That's great. Damn. That's an awesome element. I really like, you know, they'll be screwed up. It's like the moment he drove away.

Like, they come out of the, yeah, exactly. Wait, we're taking a piss. Do we two now, Daddy? No, no. I'm going to give you a latitude and longitude. I'm going to, hey, I'm going to go take a nap in the forest forever. That's so dark. Walk that way, honey.

You like send the kid towards the ship. Yeah. Don't walk that way. Close your eyes, walk, and count to 7,000. One, two... Blu... Blah! Blah!

Yeah, Blah! Bhr! He just... He's holding the kid up by their legs, like, come and get me. We're here!

We're here! Yeah, if we don't have the Chevy Malibu, we have nothing. Give up, kid. That was our last hope. Absolutely. I'm in Taylor Hall, room 310, and I'll be back in my dorm by four today. Thanks. We just came from the paranormal society on campus.

Oh, say no more. Yeah, so I'll definitely see you at four. Great. All of a sudden smiled. Is this going to be like a whole fucking hereditary thing where you think that it's a good, it's a person who's like, oh, I've been, I can help you. And all of a sudden it's just like, yeah, by the way, that was my boyfriend who jumped. And I've been trying to get back with his spirit.

I've been trying to, like, give him a vessel all this. I've been trying to literally be hereditary. Or yeah, or, yeah, exactly. I'm trying to get a vessel for you and you have a rock and bod. And I think you'd be perfect. which size is your titty cups again she's trying to get out it's a girl behind the desk yeah so she's trying to get a female body for her boyfriend no no she's a lesbian okay you said boyfriend well i messed it up the story's now changed yeah okay that's fine to continue what titty size cup are you again D Okay

Whoa Bingo What's his name When you paused After what size I'm like Am I supposed to participate Here

What size D Oh Bingo was his name Oh I like how the side tangent Is you fantasizing about

Being Lesbian with an attractive B-I-N-G-O Bingo B-I-N-G-O Bingo was his name-o coaching Why are you doing all this? No reason

Hmm Hmm Hmm Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Sometimes you look like Like a Sesame Street Muppet The fuck is that's what I mean

Control you have over your face Like the expressions you make Are so I'm a pup of a man You got heated over that quick. Like immediately. No, pop-out man.

I love it. Okay. B-I-N-G-O's being his name, though. You have the biggest eyes of anyone I've ever met. What? Your eyes.

He's hair, too. Your eyes are huge. Like when you're standing close to you look like a Russian nesting doll. What does that mean? What do you even mean by that? Google, pull up a image of a Russian nesting doll right now.

That's what you look like. I know what one looks like, but how does that relate to me? It's the face that you make. It's the face and the contortion that you do. It's the way that you present yourself. Right now? Yeah. What about me is contorted?

Black, soulless eyes. Oh. And really no emotion on the face, just this. And I expect that I could go up to you. I could pop off your laugh and there'd be an even smaller version of being inside doing this. I would just like, I keep doing You just get smaller as far

Until there I was on That was like this big You just like this That's what I expect I do I do that Wow

Wow bro And I keep putting back on You tell it's just Wow dude you got me good roast bro absolutely flamed me you know what

Russian nesting doll I stand by it was it even okay also it's not a roast Isaiah that's just what I think you just think I'm a Russian

nesting doll that's the most bizarre like out of the lip thing also were you also were you were you roasting me by saying

that I have the largest eyes you were seen because I thought that was just an observation it was an observation but it was more so saying that's what I That's part of the reason you look

so expressionate. You can control your expression so well. You have big features that you can like manipulate easily. I think you look like a Russian Nesting doll. See, that one has some malice. There's no In what way? It's my opinion. I said you look like a Muppet because you could make these bizarre facial expressions, which makes

sense because you're a comedian and a personality and stuff like that. So if anything, it was a compliment. You just looked at me and you're like you look like a Russian doll. What do I do with that? No, no. What does that even mean? Russian nesting. doll. Yeah, yeah, I was here.

I remember. He said Russian doll. Okay. What am I supposed to get out of that? There's a little me inside of me. And then a slightly smaller me inside of my one. I think it was is that actually I unconsciously thought that there was layers to you.

I guess I was wrong. Well, for the record, I don't think you're in any danger. As much as it sucks, you guys are simply a casualty. You just need to stay out of room. 733 I snorted

You gonna snort You're doing the voice lines Are you kidding me I'd never go in there It's like I'm gonna snort It's like no it's not my job I don't know I believe that I believe

I believe that you believe that He's having a breakdown. I don't know. He got a little tired a minute ago. I think. And since then, the lines have been like, oh, that's, ah, honestly, you know, I think it is,

is because I feel so defeated about the Russian nesting doll thing, that he thought that that was an insult. It was before that, for one. I never said it was a bad thing, did I? I never said it was a bad thing. You know what I think it did? You know what I think it did. It hurt your feelings that you called me a Russian nesting doll,

and I said that I just, asked what the insult was no no you know you did you looked at me you said you did oh good burn because i insulted your your my observation my observation but if it wasn't mad as a roast then it wasn't an insult i was wrong and thinking it was supposed to be one well then i want an apology for thinking yeah for saying that i thought that you thought that i thought that i thought that i thought that i was roasting you no i'm not giving you that that i'm not giving you that I'm not giving you that at all. Well,

for the record, I don't think you're in any danger. As much as it sucks, you guys simply are casualty. You see a stay at room 733. I snorted. Are you kidding? Did you reset just so you can snort again?

It's a very natural read. Is he any good? He's well known in certain circles. Well, we need those files. I just need to find out where they keep them. Are we sure they even really keep records on Barasca? It seems like a huge liability.

That is exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, why would you write that down? What fucking person is just like, okay. Five little girls captured today. We put this many people in the shiny gentlemen. And we had this many girls, boop-bap-beep. It's fine. Cross my T's and dot my eyes,

and that's the way we do it here. King. It'd be funny if there's like a code for it. And it's like, oh, today we had 500 children reconciles. Yeah. The shiny gentlemen had 300 guests for dinner. We bagged bread and we sent flowers to we raped women today. This is stupid. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of women. This is. Signed the sheriff of town.

Hey, could you be a sweetheart and faxes to us tomorrow? I want this fax to myself. Faxis to me tomorrow morning. just so there's record of it in our computer. It's the same paper they just keep re-stamping. Just want to remind myself that I did that yesterday.

Okay, good. I'm reminded. I had some cool history ones. I remember taking stuff where we'd go over, like we had one history class that was like ancient world up to I think like 1,500 BC. So there's a lot of stuff about like the code of Hammurabi and like Egypt and stuff like that

and it was cool. Did you go through like early mythology, all that kind of stuff? Yeah, through all the periods and stuff like that. Talking about the epic of Gilgamesh and stuff like that, it was pretty neat. I also wanted to make a Venus of us, dude. Remember the venuses? It's like, uh, back in like the Neolithic era, there would be like these statues that they would call venuses. Oh, yeah.

But they're a big fat, thick women. You know what I mean? Because it's like, because if you were, you know, big back then it's bountiful. You're healthy and whatever else. Yeah, it was a privilege to be fat because. I want someone was hard to come by. Pregnant and all. Yeah,

I want someone to make one of me, dude. Someone make me a Venus, dude. I want, that's what I want to be. Yeah. Yeah, I'd have a Venus made to me. I think that'd be pretty cool.

Can you imagine yours now big ass lips and a mustache and just huge, huge chips in a belly? You know what? I wasn't going to bring this up, but since you just made that joke, I will, do you think maybe your relation of taking like a, like a Chinese feminism class may have,

you know, related to you just randomly telling me you're going to murder a Japanese lady on a on a train do you think maybe there's some like i think it may make open i think it made me open minded enough to even have the thought is that oh so it you have to be open minded to murder a woman in cold blood i think you have to i think you have to be open minded enough to be able to want to ingest and adore someone's culture enough to visit their country um kill them well exactly and go there and then indulge in whatever you have to in a blind rage because i blacked out yeah an angel

told me to do it. Um, okay. Um, so back to the story, uh, I was going to say it was weird because like, I met my wife, uh, in college, right. Uh, and I remember for a while, like, just thinking like, oh, she's so far out of my league. Like, there's no way, um, going to have a chance. And then when I was stupid enough to try it, uh, and now we're married. Uh, so I don't know, there's something about this opening paragraph where it was like she was talking for class. I figured she had a boyfriend, but I was tired of assuming. in and stuff. I don't know. I thought a, I thought of Kayla there. It was sweet. Cool. And where I'm an in-cell.

It's awesome. You like this, don't you? It's like, this humiliation. Just, uh, all right, whatever. Could it this thing be anywhere? Why does it have to be part of the house, right? I am still like you're assuming that there's one you know how do we know that I didn't even how do we know there isn't more than one you know I don't know way more it could be like a nest of them that's what I'm saying

it's like some weird fucking bug family I don't know oh oh that'd be sick would you what would it take for you to go back into the house um I think that like to like I think it would be to go back and help somebody like if it's if it's like oh my wife stuck in there or something yeah you know like that although i really don't know of earthly possessions where you would be like yeah i can't think of anything i own that would make me go back what about a pet would you go back for a pet yeah yeah i'd go back

for my dog i don't know how many guys would you bring with you god i'd be me me fucked up it would be something where like i'd be like hey isa you want help me move something and i'd like I'd be going and I'd shut the door. I'd hear the rustling and then I'd make a dead sprint for my beagle and I would leave. My bass and I'd leave. And I'm like pressed up against the window like, oh no, oh no, no!

You could see it like pulling the hair out of my head like. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, well. I had our place. Yeah. It's giant lips kissing the window. Okay. All right.

You would be the one that as I'm being torn apart would be like, uh-huh, he has big lips. That's why that thing is. That's funny. It would look like its face would be your drawing of me. That's perfect. That would be its head.

That's perfect. Well, it's a beautiful representation. So you should be happy. Okay. That you said, when I said I die, you said that's what I get for what?

What were you about to say? Oh, I can't remember. Okay. I'm sure it was something. My, my asshole is like Alcatraz right now. And a few,

a few little prisoners are about to escape. If you catch my wrist. I wonder. I wonder how much longer if I keep rambling until you trap yourself on the podcast. I desperately want you just to read so bad. What if I did it though?

What if I said here for a while? It took a while to try to convince my friend to come with me. He was really scared, but I had to get all my stuff. It'll be even longer. It was me reading no shit. All right. I lived in Point Pine for the first 10 years of my life before we moved summer after my 10th birthday.

Once we left, my parents never spoke of it again. the fact they acted as if it never even existed and to them i guess it didn't i don't really blame them either okay ma'am i i keep mush-mouthing today because i had as before we start recording i had a milkshake and it just like completely froze my lips so anytime i have to say like two consonants back to back it it's rough yeah i mean big frozen fat lips like that would be hard to throw around if you can't feel them that felt oddly no i'm just saying that if you had giant fat fucking lips like you do and they get all numbed up and frozen yeah it'd probably be like

to be like a bunch of down pillows being thrown around or you probably talking talking about me throwing my lips around feels very suggestive and i'm just saying and i'm not even saying it but i'm just saying that if you had large fat i mean like like your lips could be considered morbidly obese you know my you know my wife loves these lips actually big fan big fan you could ask her well i'm i feel is kind of inappropriate to me but i'm not going to i'm not going to now oh so now i'm the one being improved i'm the one being inappropriate we haven't addressed that that drawing you made of me on the show yet that you decided to do a piece about me and it was it it the lips are so big not only do they take up my entire torso but they

lay over my shoes and are like they hang out to the sides like drapery i thought you would have liked it. Okay. I was at a waffle house and a guy walked up to me and said, is this you and held up that picture. It's true. Did you say yes? Or you said, I said, I said, I don't. You know you price. I said, I don't know what that picture. You probably said this. You probably said, you probably said, oh. And you're like, so I just drink a milk shot by whip so. W. W. Do you talk. It's probably what you said. I said, I don't know who that is. I don't know what you're talking about. But whoever drew that picture should prop someone should probably call his local FBI hotline and should probably report him for certain threats he has made towards certain people,

especially political figures. Um, I also just really like something should be done about, but I don't know who that is. I loved how childish your sentence was too. And you're just like, I kind of believe it. I drank, I drug a milkshake. I know it's like my mouth are all lived up. It's a weird numb. I can't. Every time I said back back consonance, I can't even do it. It's weird because I drink a big old milkshake. Drink a big old. I had to think that you were like a 19. 50s diner, like doing a little doo-op in the parking lot. It was a Sonic. Thank you.

All right. So it's basically the new age version of that. Oh my God. Exhaustion was quickly catching up to me. And I tried to get myself comfortable on the spread of blankets and pillows. Just as Avery was about to leave the room, spoke. I don't usually do it, but if I start snoring, I give you complete permission to smack me. I don't know, dude.

It's supposed to be fucking cute. The shit's like, I want to punch a wall. She's just so boring. I'm bored. It's like, I'm not kicking my feet and giggling. I'm bored. It's like all of the stereotypical, like,

lovey, duffy, ha, ha, love it for sight kind of thing. Yeah, they're in a poly hellscape, by the way, with faceless creatures walking around. Yeah, yeah, they're in a they're in a space where color doesn't exist and there's the loss stumbling around and it's like you can smack me if you wanted to i said this quietly but based on the way he stopped and turned back around i knew avery had heard me no dead he said but there was something different

about his voice as i looked at him i saw that he was smiling not a tight smile or a small one but an actual genuine smile that made my entire body feel warm it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I had ever seen down horrendous down so bad also a person smiling like a fucking psychopath and he's like I feel warm stop feeling so fucking warm all the time it's butterflies in my tongue imagine and I shivered but then I was warm imagine the visual of like you just met this guy and It's like, hey, you can smack me if you want, and he's like, noted. Like, like, just a quote, unquote, actual smile starts to form.

And, like, there's a lot of these people who, like, get a lot of flack for taking, like, supplements. But if you're dying and you don't think there's any other option, I don't really blame sick people for being desperate. It's just, it's, it's the, it's the faith. It's trying to get, uh, yeah, some kind of ounce of, like, being able. able to sleep with you know having something to believe in in this time or something to uh to latch on to you know like i mean i you can you blame someone i just wanted to be fucking better you know i i probably shouldn't tell this story he'd be i don't want to embarrass him he had the right intentions but my dad one time we had growing up we had a neighbor they were a good friend of

ours who uh had cancer uh so my dad god love him was trying to like find all these remedies and like things to help her to make her feel better. But he was afraid of like giving her anything. So anything that he found online, he would try himself first before he recommended to her, which is kind of like if you're going to recommend something to a sick patient, like making yourself try it first is kind of sweet. And I don't know what rabbit hole he got into online. But he read a bunch of stuff about you need to oxygenate your blood. Like the more oxygen you put into your blood the better. So he read something that said like it's really good if you take hydrogen peroxide. Like if you take drops. God. So one day, I didn't know about this

one day. I'm like eight maybe. I walk outside on the back porch and dad's doing yard work. They're like, hey dad, can my friend come over and he looks up at me? It's just foam running down his face. Oh my God. God. Did you think it was a fucking zombie or something? What the fuck? What would you think? Like, Dad, are you okay? And he's like, yeah, I'm just, I'm just, my mouth is kind of dry a little bit.

Good job. Get me a glass of Sprite. Don't worry about it. And then at the same time, we had company over already. And one of dad's friends walks out, he's like, oh my God. Oh, my God. Hey, Jerry. Beautiful.

Just like tons of foam Just like gushing out of his mouth So wait, does he still do that? Or no? No, no. That was what I think that was the day he tried it. And he didn't. Oh my God.

How did you even swallow that shit? Well, he didn't try enough. I don't even think he swallowed it. I think he like dropped it on his tongue. Oh. And that's what caused his mouth to. That's what caused his mouth to foam up. And then I feel like now when I see your dad,

he's going to have like a purple tongue. or his tongue's going to be permanently green. He's like, so about peroxide. Let me take something. The funniest thing is dad did this like years ago and I'd kind of erased it from my memory. And then like a year ago, we were talking about it. And my mom brings it up and I'm like laughing at him.

And my dad and my mom's like, well, it's not, it's not like he, uh, you know, took anything he wasn't supposed to. It was like an herbal supplement, like it was a label he found online. And then from the next room, my dad goes, pure pool grade hydrogen peroxide. What a Chad. I love that. He's like, no, I got it at Lowe's. He's like, no, I didn't even go to a pharmacy.

I got it at, yeah, Lowe's or Home Depot. I love, I love your mom being like, I mean, you know, it was, it was a kind of a weird mistake. But he's just like, I got the good shit. I got it. I got the best stuff they were seeing. They give hydrogen peroxide to dogs in vet clinics to make them throw up. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I love your dad. It's like two drops in your tongue and you'll see angels. You're not getting none. The funniest thing was he took he took two drops and he's like, time to go digging the yard. Yeah, exactly. All right. I better start digging those holes.

Daddy? Daddy, could you stop taking your holes? We have company. Forget about it. Leave me be. The idea of going out, though, and actually seeing your dad like foaming is such a haunting. That had to have had a lasting,

like a lasting impact. Probably. But my dad, like, it was not uncommon for me to be in the house and then I'd walk outside and dad would be like hanging out of a tree. And he's like, I'm putting a swing set up.

I'm a monkey. There is always some bit going on. I would come out some days and he would just have like weird animals that is like the guy at the hardware store gave me this and it's like a squirrel that's biting him or something and then it runs off like his name's Chim Chim. He's a beautiful squirrel. He knows how to write skateboards. Yeah, that would be your dad's your dad sounds like he rules.

You would like him. He's absolutely chaotic all. the time. Anyway, back to the story. I didn't mean to get sidetracked. My dad made it into teas and tinctures to treat the burgeoning tragedy building up inside him. He'd add water to it saying dilution is the solution to my pollution. That's 100% something dad was saying. I was going to say, I had to read that in your dad's voice I was doing. Eyes, eyes completely glazed over like acid yellow foaming from the mouth. Dyslution is the solution to my pollution.

I say you're just screaming, crying in a corner. You have like a little, uh, you have like a Hawaiian shirt on two in the corner curled up in a ball. Come on. Let's play catch. One of the funniest. A couple years ago, me and my dad were out ski shooting.

And I know we're getting sidetracked, but we're out skate shooting. and we had one of those automatic throwers you hook up to a battery to like launch the sked out. Yeah. And it jammed up. So dad goes over to mess with it and he frees it, but it flies out and like the metal inch hits him in the forearm.

And it dugs, it like dug a trench out of his skin. Oh, sure. And it was cut so bad that when you looked into it, like once it quit bleeding, you looked into it and it was darkness and you could see like his tendons and stuff down there. It was like an open gap in the skin.

So the rest of the day, he's walking around holding his forearm in front of him, just looking straight into it. And like, someone would say something be like, yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. And he's just staring. And every now then he would flex his hand. And we were driving. I was driving somewhere. And I'm like, what are you doing?

He's like, I can see stuff moving. And then he does that for a few minutes. And he puts his arm down. And he looks at me, goes, Isaiah, I think I'm sick. it's like we quit doing that what do you want you have an open whip never went and got it taken care of nothing just so of course not yeah of course of course not yeah of course not yeah it's president drop hydrogen peroxide on it it's going to oxygenate it make it feel better i got to put it on my tongue it'll heal my arm exactly yeah make me stronger anyway it was behind me now

huge and angry hot breath across my back bring me what i need and I will. I woke up before I could turn around. The following day, I rid of my parents' closet for my brother's baby teeth. They keep those things, giving them all the Iqbar. They got my mom's a psychopath and keeps all my baby, every baby tooth in a mason jar

from my nine relatives. Hey, Mom, I was wondering. Can I get to the mason jar in your closet? Not now, son. Mommy need to rest. She's like, strapped down. She's electric tape down to the sofa. Whatever you need, son.

All right, mom, I love you. It's like, definitely a kid, like, emotionally distraught from, like, his disturbed parents. She's, like, trying to, she's, like, sitting there, like, peeling back the skin on her fingers. Sure, sweetheart. Go ahead. All right, mommy, I love you. Your new nails look nice. Almost immediately, the night tears ceased.

And I was more or less able to go on about my life as normal. From time to time, I would have to sneak into my little sister's room and snatch what was been meant for the tooth fairy or strangle one of the neighborhood cats brought out a sharp little incisors. Oh my gosh. God. Come on, man. Sorry, kitty. Oh, my gosh. I got to have teeth. Anything to ward off the fish. Not to interrupt you because I'm sure the movie's awesome, but I had an idea. I had a thought. is it scarier if you're not over the ocean you're by the airport right and every time he's been

descending for 30 hours and they pull back up right as soon as they're getting ready to land right near the ground he pulls back up and they just go back around it's like a mental torture right so he goes right and then after a while the guy's like what the fuck is going on why are we not landing sir it's just an hour okay just give us an hour they're crying right what if what if it's like when he when they land they're like your asshole is going to explode out from your bottom you're you'll have a you'll your asshole will prolapse and you'll all shit out your organs to the point where there's people on the plane who are like i don't give a fuck i want to get off this plane and other people are like sir think of his

asshole you the man's going to die whatever and now you have a world becomes like a sacrifice thing exactly we said there he's like i don't care let my asshole become red cabbage and spill out on onto the floor my gutty works he does that or he's just like hold on hold on and then he goes and like people will start revolting and like one of the passengers comes up to the pilot and he's just like you land this fucking plane or i'll put a bowl in the back of your head he's like how'd you get that gun on this plane god damn it and he's like it's three deep printed i three deep printed he has the back of his head like that would that be would that be a good hook it would be something all right or it's just like

as soon as they we it there's a treaty we live in a world where when every time a plane lands someone on the pet oh someone or how about this this is even better the one in the the woman in the fucking zoot suit walking around dropping stuff they're she's just like we can't land he's like what whatever and then they keep coming up to him asking him are you ready to land in six hours yeah that's fine i don't care another hour passes are you very sure you're ready to land in five hours sir are you sure yeah that's totally fine zoots who one walks by please don't let us land he's like what the fuck is happening for our whatever but like three hours comes by by three she and he's just like can

i ask why you keep asking that she's like oh well you're you're in the seat where as soon as we as soon as we land you have to eat a baby to eat this baby on the plane and he's like excuse me excuse me he's like that woman in the zootsuit suit back there dressed like sinbad from 1992 she we've taken her baby we've wrapped her in tinfoil and they're like we're getting ready to put them in an air fryer and you have to eat the whole thing before people can get off and there's a guy next week she's like dude seriously man i appreciate you taking this one for the team try to tell me that's not a good one with i'm not gonna eat a baby wait what the fuck thank you they have the flyback around whew whatever now he's like we're gonna run out of gas the airplane

the captain comes by listen i had eat a baby two years ago and i didn't like it you said to do it No one will ask you to do it again, but if you don't do it, we're going to run on a gas and we're going to crash. We're going to die. You understand me? So is this like a metaphor for like the health care system or something? It could be. It could be. Or it could just be a thing about people, I guess, mandating that you have to eat a child every time that you land a plane.

That would, you know what? I would say if society did that, that would be bad. I'll agree. You know, I'm glad you said it because I wanted to say it too, but I was afraid. But it is wrong. Right, right. The note instructed me to never open the parcel, but instead put it in a safe that I had no idea existed before reading the letter. The safe itself was filled with more small paper bundles tied with twine.

I did as the letter instructed. Sure enough, after their final night, there was blood. It wasn't a lot of blood, but enough to cause concern. How much is an amount of blood to cost? I feel like any amount beyond like a drop. would be a concerning amount. Yeah, even like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, basically.

If it didn't look like it was like, oh, someone pricked their finger, I would definitely be like, okay, someone was bleeding in here. What the fuck? No, it's just one splash.

They just sliced open their forearm. They're probably, they just cut their jugular. That's not a concern. That's okay. This couldn't be for more than one person. So it's okay. Don't worry about it.

This is definitely six or seven deer. It looks like they had. had a good hunt trip. Yeah. Wow. The hunting is so good around here. Yeah, they're checking out.

There's just blood all over their clothes and their mouth. It's like y'all have a good hunting trip. Good time. Yeah. A lot of elk out this season. Huh? Just drenched.

No one acknowledges. Yeah, exactly. Yes, my boy. Yeah. Midway through the stories. Like they all had a distinct

Transylvanian accent. Yeah, exactly. Do not worry about. dude, we are fine. I love you, are you from Wisconsin? Just like totally oblivious to everything. Is that,

is that a Midwest accent I hear? You know, I had a friend from Chicago. It's like, oh, you miss your parents. You're very stupid. Yeah, they're all in there. They're like full blown Dracula. They're in the coats with like the count pieces and stuff. Yeah, the widow's

peek at everything too in their hair. Yeah. The first way is for someone to conjure a spirit by themselves and then die either by suicide or by being killed by someone else. The second way is to conjure the spirit into another person by performing a ritual and then sacrifice the victim. Anyway, Horace eventually died. The day after he died, the Avrello Princep killed Franz Fernand. That's what triggered World War I.

The moment he died Frans Ferdinand got shot sending the world into World War I Oh god Just that Look just for anyone out there writing If you ever get to a point in your story Where you are suddenly like

Well here comes the paragraph where I have to explain things. Don't. Just don't. Just don't do that. It's fine. If the audience has questions, good. That's where they theorize. It's where it is good to not explain things sometimes. Which made

his prophecy all the more believable. Pretty soon, the entire world started turning into an all-out violent place. Wars between countries, outcry within them. So much hate and despair everywhere. His members never worried, though. They knew one day

spirit would be conjured and they would finally obtain world peace. You know, it's really funny in my head because like Harrison's on a bicycle and the guy steps out of a car and he's like, okay, they could be here any minute now, I'm going to very quickly tell you about this cult and as he's explaining it

like you can see their flashlights in the woods getting closer and Harrison's like can we do this in the car? Now here's the funny part about this whole horse may have told them about that they needed to conjure a spirit but he never explained how to correctly do so that's that's really cool dude here we get in the car his reason why was because he claimed that world peace would already be a near impossible task so order to obtain it his followers needed to figure it out how to do it on their own that's really cool dog so many so many years later

and i mean many years went by without any clue of how to conjure horace then about 25 years ago, a prominent member of the cult named Ferris Kurt made a breakthrough. I am almost positive. I heard Amy just now. He claimed that the correct way

to conjure horse as his life went on. He believed to be an important sign that all of his followers should remember. Now. In hindsight, it was a bad idea to get me a bright yellow bicycle. Now, Kurt was well known

throughout all the camps and members located around the world. And when he made the supposed breakthrough, many members started performing the process. This is such a long paragraph. Whether on themselves or another people. I think I just heard them say, hey, it's that yellow bicycle.

Whether on themselves or another people, well, long story short, his breakthrough ended up being false. Many members out of excitement that it was finally solved after all this time, either committed suicide. As a matter of fact, they either committed suicide. They either committed. We could have got to a non-abandoned one. committed suicide after they believed Horace was inside the bodies, managed to escape the cult and went into hiding. He hasn't been seen since.

Even his ex-girlfriend, who is also well-known member of the cult, has supposedly never been able to find him. You could have at least called a friend, maybe, a buddy, someone to be in the parking lot with us. I can't even get reception. If I wanted to call the police, I could. Long story short. They are across the parking lot. I see them right now.

Long story short, even though Kurt may have been wrong. Long story short. Even though Kurt may have been wrong initially, many people believe they did have to recite a sermon, but it had to be the right one. There are over 3,000 pages in this book, so there would be a lot of stuff to dig through and figure out. Go ahead.

I stood there in disbelief. Yeah, take that in. just in a parking lot, just standing around. Okay, so I was, granted I was like meaming during that whole thing, but so the, this original horse guy made a cult based off a native religion

after he slaughtered them. And then after he dies, a bunch of other cult leaders come forward and the people from the camp are their followers, right? Yeah. That's pretty much everything that was said without as many words, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I stood there in disbelief while listening to everything Doug was explaining to me. Honestly, going to tell if this guy was being serious or not. Still, I kept quiet and let him continue. Oh, he's not done. Long story short, the killings of suicide kept happening. Long story short, more members kept joining. And those members would marry and have children.

Long story short, that's one of the reasons why the camps were set up about 30 years ago. Can we at least sit in the car? We don't have to drive yet. That's one more step removed. If we need to get out of the parking park. Thanks, Caleb. Y'all take care. We both took off in opposite directions.

Henry watched as Caleb disappeared on the horizon and then stared at our rows of corn the rest of the way home. As we pulled into the driveway, Henry said, Mr. Scarecrow doing a good job today. All right, nope. Nope. All right, Henry, you're going in that balloon.

I'm going to light it myself. That's exactly. That's like the thing. the Bobadook. I would beat that kid with a fucking hammer if I was in Bobby. You I mean, good Lord. Mr. Scarecrow. Mr. Scarecrow is doing a good job today. What? Just the idea of like a kid says one freaky thing and you're like just the most brutal way to murder someone. I would do. Oh yeah? I mean, Mr. Mr. Bobadook, scary. You know what else is scary? Mr. Phillips. Yeah, you what's also scary? My fucking ballpin hammer.

my DeWalt ballpin hammer He nodded Just as he was about To step out the door However you heard a booming noise Off in the distance What in the tornadoes in with that

Yeah Spirying out towards the field Transformer exploded Too loud for that I know I know she met Transformer Like a power transformer But

Yeah Must be Optimus Prime Yeah they look on the window I guess they're GoBox. Like, Star screams, like, exploded over the field. Exactly. I'm going to kill you. Transformer exploded, must be.

I guess it's Megatron and Optimus Prime fighting out the cornfield again. Do you mean that the Go Box and the Decepticons are fighting again? There, me is? That's right, Spencer. They have to do this battle. in order to obtain the cube. What's the name of that cube in those movies?

The All Spark. They're trying to fight for the all spark, man. Well, I guess that maybe they're trying to go out and find the all spark that are hitting the well out back. But be sure

and throw a tarp over it, Spencer. It's going to be a long night. Yes, ma'am. We stay. That's the idea. of like these two rednecks there's like

30 foot tall robots like rolling like shooting guns is like straight bullets are hitting the house every now and then Henry's just like I can't believe

what I'm saying out there mom this is going on and they're used to it that's like a hot air balloon oh my God the hard air balloon I've never seen that before

that's incredible their tractors like transforming into like a sentient robot that's getting like fucking murdered oh god autonomous go with Christ tractor you're not going to make it this time

the hot air balloon turns into a transformer they're like oh just another one of those yeah I'm bored His father opened up his arms expecting a hug from his wife But she walked past him

And put her arm around Toby's shoulder Started leading him inside Connie Her husband began in a raspy voice What No welcome home hug Huh Wasn't Connie

The name of The wife In Dianea house It all is full circle Is it all for little wines Little wines are open all over the driveway Hold on Let me make sure I'm right

It all comes full circle What baby You don't want to give me a home Is it actually That's his wife It's on the house Yes He's back

I love it. Yes. What, Eric, that's his name. Yeah, it's Eric's wife. So you're not going to give me into welcome home hugger, baby. You're going to have the weird Tourette's kid who's, he's always, he's got an Adderall addiction, Connie. He's hooked on. Was it Eric or Mark?

I can't fucking remember. Yeah, whichever, whichever one eat me like a bug is, his wife was Connie. Exactly. That's him. So now this is the ending of that story. He didn't. Yeah, this is where it picks back up, luckily. We're building the universe.

His son is sticky toby. The creepy past the universe all is connected. These little doorways. Yes, he's back again. Oh, man. Okay, so yeah. She ignored her husband's obnoxious words and walked past him with her son under her arm.

Hey, he's 16. Or, hey, he's 16, you can walk by himself. His father began to follow them in. He's 17. Connie glared back at him before opening the door and the house and step in the fucking mother time. And you just know everybody's age? Fuck you, Connie.

Wait, you guys, do you best friends with them? You just know, what's his birthday then? On the top of your head, what's his birthday then? Well, it's like you're better than me because you were there when he was born. Oh, so, okay, so you know, 60, 17, good for you. Good for you, baby.

That's why he's just, that's why he's so pretty, he's so smart. He's still in the flower pot. Yeah, exactly. I have to shuffle over and come give me a kiss. Hey, Toby, pancakes, right? He loves him. I'm fucking with you

I'm fucking with you Connie I went to that teacher's meeting the other day and there was a there's a teacher there gave me a lot of Adderall It was really cool He gave me a big handful of hour roll I took all of them

Sweet I took off him And I drank those high lives Like you said I shouldn't but I did And don't know Robesp's on a cake It hurts It hurts bad He's called Satican It's your going, Sack, Mr. Peptopis, small hearts.

Toby's just standing there listening to all of this. Yeah, he's like still moody and stuff. He's sitting, he's staying. No, no, no. He's on the front porch, but he's on like, he's like on the, like a bench on the side of the house. And he's like sitting like, uh, L from death note. He's like, you guys, you guys are stupid pancakes. What's the death note character that's like pale white with the black hair?

Yeah, L. That's L. Is that L? Okay. Yeah, I think it is. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. in my mind. That's who I see. That's who I see in my mind. That's how he's sitting on the, on the guard, on the bench. And his dad's just did a flower pot. Oh, man, Connie. Connie was like a biblical level pole for us. Oh, right there. God. It's beautiful. The days went by and things continued on as they were. Connie spent most of her time cleaning the house and her rude husband spent most of his time ordering her around. Just like how it used to be before the crash. funny to imagine like the guy in the flower pot

and then L from death note is just touching him gently like rubbing his arm I also like he touches his arm I need to have him he needs to be more like

don't touch me boy way way more aggressive hey don't fucking touch me and you clean up that over there yeah

of the man of the house. Excuse me, I have to go back to the beer drinking factory. No, excuse me, I have to go to work. He pops up in two, two tiny wines. Uh-oh, just during overtime today, boys. Another day in the office.

Another day in the office. You know, I tell you, Connie, I wish one of these days God would kill me. I tell you, Connie, there's some days I wake up, I wish you're gone. Some days I wish I wake up. and Sandman would take you away in your dreams. I wish some

power would have the ability to do what I cannot. I wish I was brave or... I wish I was a brave man. She's like, are you... What the fuck are you talking about? You don't I kill me? I just wish I had spine, Connie. That's all. Sometimes I just wish I had spine.

Toby never really left his room. He was set by his bed and tremble. His mind would wonder, but his thoughts changed too fast to be remembered. He would pace around his room like a caged animal stare out the window. The unhealthy cycle continued.

Connie continued to be pushed around by her husband, being way too submissive to him, and Toby remained in his room. Make me a sandwich. Oh. Oh, God. Hey, give me to the remote. Oh, okay.

Fine. Hey. You're going to get, uh, Go plant a flower. Oh my God, okay, fine. Is that, is that your depiction of what spousal abuse looks like? In this scenario, yes. She was too submissive to him.

I like to think he's just like, yeah, go on you. Hey, go check out the trash. Okay, fine. Definitely nothing else unseemly or violent or adult. Please, please just keep your voice down. My, I, I, give me a cosmic brownie from the, pantry. That's all.

And then Toby's upstairs just twitching. Oh. He turned away and held his arms. He felt like he actually had control over himself like he did for the past few weeks since he got home from the hospital. He actually had complete thoughts for just moments before it. in my mind like Toby standing behind from his POV

it's like a dark room with like the only light being the glow of the TV and it's just like it's just like outlining the silhouette of a giant flower and and it's still L It's L looking down at a giant fucking, it's L looking down at a giant fucking cup head flower.

It's like him from the back of the room standing at the corridor. He just, he's like the silhouette. And like, I like to think that he's doing idle animation. Like the flower's doing idle animation, like it's a fucking cuphead boss. Yeah,

it's like the daisy from plants versus zombies. It's just like bobbing side to side. Or the sunflower, the sunflower. and it's funnier to imagine because you brought up earlier how like the that he describes earlier that his dad hit his mom but the only stuff we've seen happen in the story is that she was quote unquote too submissive and then you brought up like what if he's just like hey babe do you care to can you get the remote for me and she's like uh sure like he's completely

happy there's no abuse happening it was like the worst thing that he's done he's just like yeah this place is dirty, clean it up. He's like one of those guys. Like completely undeserving. We've heard from Toby, first off, that he was a drunk that didn't show up to his sister, Lyra,

who was dying in the hospital because he was drunk. But then also we've heard that, oh, yeah, he grabbed his mom by her hair and pushing on the ground. But all we've seen so far is that she's like, you want me to make you a sandwich? And he's like, yeah. And then he like walks over and touches his arm. He's like, don't touch me. That's it. You would think that he would like slap him. He's like,

don't touch me, boy hits him. So because the character is now Eric in my mind, it's funnier to imagine there's no actual abuse or anything bad happening. And he's just a happy sunflower on the couch. And his son has decided to murder. That's it, flower boy. That's it flower bitch. You're going down. He's like watching Animal Crossing Let's play on the TV Just happy kicking his feet And a flower pot And his son's about to stab it to death

That was it The last thought he had before he fell into an idle state Once again The influence of the voices in his head was too much He began to silently walk up behind his father He reached A way out He reached over the counter to the knife in the case.

He grabbed it in his hand. He felt the sensation take over his chest. He let out a snicker. He let out a snicker. He's like, yeah, I like all the dad is like hearing his laughing. He's just like, whatever, dude, can't be that funny. I like the idea of the dad has the giant flower arrangement around his head. Every time he turns his head, he knocks everything on the table over.

What are you laughing at? Like over, like the room's just illuminated by the TV and his son starts laughing. And you can see the giant's shadow turned slowly. Just take out a lamp as he turned it around. What's got you all tore up? Yeah. What the hell? What are you snickering back there for?

Boy! Hey, son, you want to come watch Animal Crossing let's plays with me? Yeah, I've just been watching the zoo buck commercial over and over again on repeat. Come down here! He went to sit up and put his arms out in front of him and self. defense, but before he knew it, Toby was on top of him. He went to grab his neck, but his father reached out and blocked his hand by

grabbing onto his wrist. Stop! Get off me, you little fucker! yelled, and with his other hand, he threw an off-center punch towards Toby's shoulder, but he didn't stop. The look... I'm sorry.

To dig that. What do you think about this? Just the visual of his mom coming downstairs and Toby like is like on top straddling his dad but his dad has his feet in a comically large flower pot. He's rolled around. God do it. Trying to get out of it.

Damn you, Toby. You know how like when you're a kid and you're like fighting. You know when you're a kid and you're fighting with siblings like you'd be on the and you would, like, windmill your legs so they couldn't get close. Yeah. The dad's doing that with the flower pot. Just like...

He drove it deep into his dad's chest and repeatedly stabbed into his torso, blood spilling out and getting splattered everywhere. He didn't stop until his father's body went still. He threw the knife over to the side and leaned over his body, coughing and panting. He stared at his father. smashed in face and sat there.

Hell yeah. You already know what I'm thinking. It's like the face is smashed in, but it's got like, it's got like the flower petals around. It's circle. So your aunt brought you here? What about your mother?

What did she have to say about all this? Juggled softly. This is implied. That was story. How are you giggling in a British accent? Sorry. That's not.

I was doing it, it actually got me pretty good. I have no memory of my mother. My father told me she died after I was conceived. I was mainly raised by my aunt. Oh, I was sorry. I know the feeling. My mother died when I was young, too. This story hasn't jumped the shark or anything.

It's still fine. Like the tension. It's still, it's still okay. I'm sorry. You, you have ran it. I'm also a little tired, which is why I think I had the giggle fit earlier about the guy running up the sidewalk. Um, but I don't let me, let me read let me read. I don't think the story applies that she starts giggling that far. No, no, no, no. She, I don't want you to read it. I have no, I'm going to keep bothered you. No, no, no, told me. She died after I was conceived.

It was mainly raised by my head. I'm sorry. I know the feeling. I'm not a little girl anymore. Okay. Now that that's clips unusable, we're going to do. We went quiet for a minute.

Why don't you just leave? I suggest breaking the silence. You're not a little girl anymore. You don't have to stay here now. It's a little much emotion, I think. But you're not directed. I'm going to read it however I want. I'm directed it now because you have,

you have taken this under your own reign. You don't have to stay here now. He didn't just explode into that level of, well, why don't you just leave? I suggested breaking the silence. You're not a little girl anymore. You don't have to stay here now.

We have to keep the previous lines too. So everyone can see what you're trying to do to this story. that it's completely it's not earned that yet you're acting like they've played I'm not I'm just reading I'm just reading it that's why I think the story

resonated with so many people because they're okay actually you know what we're doing the thing again where we describe something without the audience being privy to it's why we just read the story I was just saying you also found that dead body in the woods

and you also had that homeless guy with the beans you're you are rewriting history and there I did not find a dead body. I went looking for a dead body in the woods. You found that dead body in the woods and your dad said to not tell anybody. And there was also the homeless guy in that house or whatever. And your dad said not to tell anybody about that too. Right. I've been, no, I've been looking, I've went looking for dead bodies in the woods multiple times, actually. Why? Why multiple times?

Because one was the story I talked about in the first episode or whatever, where it was a couple that went missing that we knew. Right. And the other was for Hurricane Helene when there was like body recovery in the mountains after the flood and all that. I really like how you said Helene Hurricane Helene. Yes. Very sassy. And also the second time was for Hurricane Helene. Yes. Yes. Because you're coming at me with the sad. But I never found the homeless man. The homeless man was my dad's friend. And I did that because of Hurricane Helene. I found on that one, I found body. but it was because a cemetery had been dug up and there were bodies from that out, but they were all bodies.

People were aware were dead. So that wasn't like a casualty recovery thing. That was just like they're over there. What are you? What are you? Is this zombie invasion? Those are bodies that people knew were dead. Yeah.

I hope. Yeah, because a cemetery got like ripped out of the ground. Oh, because of Hurricane Helene. Hurricane Helene You're such a jerk Well, me and daddy went to the cemetery to find some dead bodies. Of course, that was brought on by Hurricane Helene. I'm not defending you for this one.

When you get the comments, the tweets and stuff, I've not, I've not saying anything. Come on, man. We're buddies, we're having fun. We're searching rescue officers. next time i'm going to tweet and be like no he did get banned because of the thing he said about it's on that is what you know i just got to say i had an emotional reaction to losing a game of badge of gathering and i will not apologize i refuse just the same just just the same way all of twitter immediately made it into a conspiracy about twitch and that's why you got banned i know i don't

know why that can you tell them uh what happened your mom my mom was kind of contacted by TMZ, for whatever reason, because I'm sure it was some fishing website where they thought my mom's number was my number or something. But my mom was like, you know, my mom was like, I just got to text for someone they taught at TV. And I was like, I don't, I was like, do not respond to that. And she just text back. Oops. So. Good job.

Hunter's mom. But TMZ wanted to see why you were banned from Twitch. toning it got. Next time I'm going to be like yes, it was because of what you think it was over. And also he made fun of flood victims. You should throw that in there as well. Hurricane Helene.

Okay. We're just going to read the story. You said it's so sassy. There was definitely I was definitely I was like, I motherfucker flicked his wrist what he said. He had some sass with it. Little whip. Okay. Wipping the nay nay a bit. Hurricane I'm a searching rescue officer for the you. Okay. Okay. Are we

into this? No. Yes, we are. The story, yes, we are. Okay. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm not sure I trust you. Likewise. Well, I guess that's that, then. The way that reads to cool. The way that reads

Well, I guess that's pretty much the end of this, then. The way that reads to me is like, it's like an entity that's trying to coax him when he says, no, it's like, okay, and kind of like turns away. Did you see

sinners? No. Okay. You have to say, I'm trying to reference it to something else. Just an entity that's trying to convince the to coax him away. Go ahead, make your bet. Okay. I guess this is where we part ways.

Okay. All right. You get it. Also, too, you can't answer the question. We don't have time for this. You texting back this is taking longer. Daniel's clearly been. Yes, he's. Clearly, fuck. But the humor in that for me is that the alien is like, he does a fucking Jim Hopper.

Well, I guess this is where we bid a do. It's like, where the fuck did you pick that up from, alien? Glib, glorb, glob, glob, glib. Erm, glibby, glorb. Well, glorb my glib. Gloorb, you're going to want to glib. this. The one tube ran into a container that would collect Jane's blood

and shipped the American Red Cross for patients who had the same blood type as Jane. See what I mean. It's just like, hey, this is where blood goes. So you know. Wait, is this implying that the secret lab that's taking out her blood to put new chemicals in it are like, well, we should probably donate them?

Yes, yeah, because they're good guys. Yeah, yeah. The perfect blood type, we should give it to the Red Cross. Well, people would probably need this. The Red Cross will do a good job with this. This will save lives. We had the same blood type as Jane and to receive a healthy blood transfusion. The other two was attached to the container holding the liquid hate.

What was it called it? So in a way, this was just... So in a way. this was just like an embalming fluid prep set up but with an experimental liquid you know it's all like there was somewhere else in the story

did that what was it you know a dentist office yeah come on it's describing that whole removing all my blood like a dead body they're gonna take it all her blood and donate it to the American Red Cross for healthy blood Transcution. They're going to put me in a pretty jess and do my

makeup and put me in a coffin. And then they're going to fill you with liquid hate. So kind of like an embalming process. I got embalmed. But with an experimental liquid. Third or fourth morning after I met him, he greeted me with a large smile on his face.

I have a new game we can play. We have to wait until after your mother comes to check on you. Because she can't see us play it. It's a secret game. man these stories would be terrified if they were just about like pedophiles that's i mean that is 99% of them honestly yeah yeah if it's just about like a man who's like you won't have to tell your mommy anything terrified but it's always like the game is we have to eat a cat or something

yeah we have to kill your sister yeah that doesn't really seem like a game to me if i'm in honest no seriously just take this hammer and hit her in the hand five times it'll be fun wow i'm scared this is crazy it's like a gang initiation it's like okay after my mother delivered more books and sewed at the usual time mr wide mouth slipped out from under the bed and tucked my hand we have to go to the room at the end of this hallway he said i objected at first so my parents had forbidden me to leave my bed without their permission. Mr. Weymouth persisted until I gave in. I really don't think I should

go. Sorry. Oh, seriously. Come on. Are you sure about this, sir? I really don't think that I should. I'm pretty sick actually. No, seriously, I have something super funny to tell you about here. The rooming question had no furniture

or wallpaper. Its only distinguishing feature was a window opposite the doorway. Mr. Widemouth darted across the room. he gave the window a firm push flinging it open he then beckoned me to look out at the ground below we were on the second story

of the house but it was on a hill and from this angle the drop was farther than two stories due to the incline I like to play pretend up here

I pretend that there's a big soft trap of lead below this window and I jump if you pretend hard enough you bounce back up like a feather

I want you to try you should talk kill yourself I don't I don't think I'm gonna I don't think it's a good idea no you should totally just jump out this

but don't kill yourself oh mom just do it as a fun game I swear you'll bounce up it'll be really cool like a feather

I was a five-year-old with a fever, so only a hint of skepticism darted through my thoughts as I looked down and considered the possibility. It's a long drop. Well, that's all part of the fun. It wouldn't be fun if it was just only a short drop. If it were that way, you may as well just bounce on a real trembling. We wouldn't want that.

That sounds great. Where's one of those? No, that's totally gay. You're not Mr. White Mouth. You can't say that stuff. Seriously, you're going to get yourself in trouble. That's pretty homophobic. That's actually pretty insensitive.

I wish you wouldn't say it. No, I'm just saying that it's totally gay. Mr. Wide Mouth, you can't be problematic. I just, could you just stop saying that, please? Just stop being gay. I just jump out the window. I'm five. I'm five years old.

I have a fever. And that seems kind of harsh. It's a little bit like you're bullying me. I think I'm being pressured into this. The dare program time, but I'm not going to do it. There was no telling how you would come across this person. No when or how. All anyone knew was that it would eventually happen.

We were allowed to. to tell other people, allowed to ask around, try and seek out people that had the same name as the one on the paper. But it didn't matter. It couldn't be forced. I sent you a message real quick if you can check it out.

This sounds all right. So I was hearing a series of Discord dinks and I'm like, I wonder what that could be. And Hunter has said this sounds like Portland Oregon. But he's spelled

Portland, P-O-R-T-L-A-D-N. And then he said some words I won't repeat and then referred to those people as disgusting dogs. I was trying to, what are you reading? I was hoping that you'd look over for a second, see it and break, but no. The funniest part, the funniest part is that you didn't spell fit right the first time. Instead of editing it, I was like, oh, fuck, I'll just retype it. And let's get into some red tower, dude. Let's get, get, legote me up. Let's get like, how do you, how do you make that?

How do you make that a nice? You know, like people, because people say, you know, I'm creeping my cast, all that stuff. I creep my cat. How would you do that with Legging my gody? I'm licking my goatee. Just a beat. Just, just immediately. I also hate how child like that was.

I'm licking my goody. I'm not, not licking. I'm licking. I know. I'm licking my goatee. I'm licking my Odie. I'm licking my Odie. I'm licking my Odie. I'm licking my Odie. We're about a lig or Odie. About a lig my Odie. I'm about a lig about a leg that Odie all over the place. Spread me open and a lig my Odie. You always, you always somehow, regardless of what the conversation is, you come back to spreading.

Split me open. Split me open until you see my Odie. That's your classic. moved. It's all I know. Spread, smear, scrape. She smear my, she smear my lig until I get my Odie. Oh, no, that's, we like that.

She creeped in my cast till I my cast till I lig my Odie. Yeah, that's good. I like that. See, now it's going. She creep my cast till I od. So after we've already besmirce this man's name, we should, we should, we should be now, now we're primed to be won over by his beautiful story. How has

the job been treating you? He asked. his stitched up lips curled into a smile as he came around the counter and wrapped an arm around me causing me a decent amount of discomfort as i mentioned before king creole has button eyes stitched up mouth and a head being kept on his shoulders by some stitches he always wears a nice black suit and a dark purple tie and a top hat yes even in he dresses like a pimp for some reason Travis is his newest slut I didn't mention that I'm forced to set up front in like a garter

Yes even indoors And yes I know he looks ridiculous But look man I'm trying to keep this job as long as possible So don't blow this for me It's going okay Mr. Creel As I said awkwardly Still at this point weirded out by his looks

and his unnaturally chalk white skin, nodded happily at me and gave me a good smack on the back. Because we described him as, like, being dressed like a frost dude. Yeah, that's my boy. How exactly does that work? Yeah, I got to be. Yeah, I got to go get my boss to handle that. Wait here while I go get him.

I asked her, and she nodded, still a bit skeptical about this place. And I really don't blame her about that at all if I'm, being honest getting off my stool i stretched a bit and made my way over to the king's office flinch i'm sorry we've we've already ruined like this set up to make because now in my mind like she walks in and he's just like a t-shirt normal he's like yeah let me go get my boss when he comes around the counter he's wearing one one testicle popping out of the phone sorry about that skirt yeah sorry it's a company policy i have to wear it i'm sorry i'm sorry yeah

clock in you know what they say yes you do need it because despite everything that's happened to you your only attempt to fight back was pathetic I need you to put your game I need to put up your game and fight harder so that's where some motivation kicks in he reached his left hand

into his pants pocket and pulled out a smartphone tapped on it a few times before holding it up to his ear it's me he said when the other line picked up put her on oh my gosh he has a mom that's kidnapped his girlfriend he has hired the italian he has hired the italian mob to kidnap zander's girlfriend this is awesome also i just want to know this is

this is going into the exact harvey dent and rachel joker arc in the dark night all right yes yeah she's in a warehouse she's in a warehouse and she's going to blow up very soon and he's like clark can help you too so clark's in one building about to blow up. And Katie's in the other. Exactly. And he's like, Tick-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Ranger.

Rachel! It's time to decide. It's like in my head. I think she's at 24-5. Yeah. You remember that scene where, uh, in the first Spider-Man movie,

when, uh, the Green Goblins holding Mary Jay and the cart full of kids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Two Spider-Man. Little children. Yeah.

If you imagine. imagine, if you imagine David in the green goblin costume. He's in the full green goblin outfit. You'll have to be motivated. He's kidnapped Katie so you'll just try to ruin

his life and follow along with some stupid dare. Is it crazy? He's going to be caught. Let's hope so. We should start planning. I'm not taking any chances while he has Katie. Okay, man. I want nothing to do with this at all.

But I also want to help you. If it was anyone else, I'd nop the fuck out. Then let's get started. He's become the Alfred to his Batman. Yes, legitimately. I was going to say Alfred or Robin. He's just like, well, I didn't know that I could be a vigilante, but since you're a Batman, I guess I'm going to be your sidekick. Yeah.

Mastro-Wine. Some people just want to watch your world bird. some people need what was the line they kept saying motivation the minimum required effort just name minimal effort to be motivated some people need minimum required effort besides of a tangerine for minimal effort he's doing zander's doing all of this in full dark night cosplay like he's 78 year old michael kane sitting on his back so i thought you were trying to to ruin my wife. I'll have Katie

and I plan on blowing her up if he don't try to ruin me wife. My God, you look so much more different. Some people just want to watch the world. You can only quote the dark night. The Michael Kane bit has got to end.

Well, no, in my head, Clark is Michael Kane. In my head, David is now Michael Kane. No, David's the Joe. That's the whole thing. He's like, he's ethereal. He's like an agent of chaos.

Okay. My father would also tell me stories about his own childhood. My father, my favorites were always about the dog he had growing up named Rex. Hunting dogs. Does that remind you of anything, Connor? Tell you of anything. I close most. Only for a moment and the moment's gone.

My dog is dust in the wind. my little popper is still dust in the wind every time I opened up the subreddit it's still just post of like wheelchairs with machine guns mounted too. Yeah, dude. Yeah. You big lips,

son of a bitch, you're ruining my life. You're welcome. You couldn't get out if you wanted to. You know that. You're sounding very much like an evil scot right now. Yeah, well, look, you're, you're my Christine, and hopefully you can satisfy me on this life.

Jesus. Come on, man. You're the one who said you wear the leather dress. You're the one who said you wear the leather dress. I can't even, I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone. My asshole is dust in the wind. How's that pleather feel? Christine.

It feels good, Daddy. Yeah, I know, I know. We're cutting all that. Uncle, uncle, uncle, uncle. We're cut, we're cutting all that. The following morning, Mr. Wide Mouth arrived, told in a small box. I want to teach you how to juggle.

Here are some things you could use to practice before I start giving you lessons. I looked in the box. It was full of knives. Ah! My parents are killed. me. I don't think I

can. I don't think I can. I don't think I'm. I don't think I'm, can we start with maybe like a towel or like a bill? Maybe a ball or something. Like a soft Just a soft

Like I don't have anything soft Like a baseball or something Yeah like I don't even bend the knee to a ball Like a baseball Don't be gay Don't be gay Oh Mr. Whitebeth I don't think that Language is appropriate

I just think the knives in the use Is I think you're kind of a bad guy I think you're not a nice I think you're actually kind of a not very well-put-together person. Come on seriously, just juggle these sharp rusty knives. Don't be gay. Push the box

away. I can't. I'll get in trouble. I mean, knives aren't safe to just throw in the air. Mr. Wide Mouse frowned deepened into a scowl. He took the box of knives and slid under my bed. Remaining there the rest of the day. I began to wonder how often

he was under me You know what fun You are very You are unappreciative I mean I'm so sorry I just I can't do it This is kind of weird Fuck you

You know what I get it okay Tell me You're not fine whatever You're just not cool I guess You're just totally not cool I'm sorry man I just I'm fucking scared

You're scared me. This is a lot. It's a trouble. Yeah, it's like, fuck, Ziggs, I can't,

I can't, I can't fucking shuggle knives, man. You're freaking me out. No, whatever. I'll just,

I'll just chill under here. Well, let me come with you. No, you just stay up there. I'll, no, okay.

All right, well, I'm sorry. Jeez, gosh. I mean, I can't fucking jump out a window. I'm fucking sick.

Fuck. Open the faucet and began splashing water onto my face It totally washes her face But she doesn't seem to realize that It is much easier for someone to attack When her eyes are closed That would be such a jerk move That's so fucked

She's completely fine in there But just says stuff like that He's like, I have a trident You're like, what? Nothing I really didn't say anything Why would he have a trident? I don't know. You tell me.

Poseidon, Poseidon, God of the sea. I don't know. I goof around. It's what I do. I like to have fun. I'm a silly man. I'm silly. I'm silly. Anyway, do you want to kill yourself today? Yeah, why don't you put this in your mouth and jump on it?

Put this in your mouth and jump on it? just hop up and down it'll be fine I swear I'm fucking with you I'm falking with you it's a joke calm down it's a joke you're so serious

you be much pretty if you smiled there it is he's like passively misogynous it's like yeah it's like one day she just realizes she's like Yeah, actually he was like a misogynist this whole time, but he just really amps it up.

Are you seriously worrying that today? You should try wearing makeup. He's like, I do. Maybe your boss will give you that promotion if you dress better. If you smiled nicer. Why don't, why are you working? Shouldn't you try cooking? You like that.

That stresses you out less. Or no, he's doing it in like the third person thing. So as she's getting ready for work, He's like in the corner And he's like Natalia thinks that she will be fulfilled By continuing her day at work Little does she know

She would be much happier as a stay at home mom She's like excuse me And he's got like he's got like a red pill podcast in his ear He like pulls out his bud real quick like never mind Natalia Natalia looks at baby clothes online Even though her eggs are totally dry She's far too old

Little does she realize She should have had this revelation 12 years ago yeah she's like why are you doing this you just like shrugs I like to think too he just shrugs all the time yeah she asked him he's like oh he does the Jim Halpert like lip thing and he just shrugs

she looks over every now and then and he just like he started shaving his head smoking cigars he's just becoming it's just getting red filled over time anyway yeah this story So you talking about being a psychic and whatnot.

Her voice, should we reread that line too? That way I'm not talking about. I'll reread that line since you were seeing visions from the heavens. Yeah, I fucked it. I think you should. Normally I would be like it's okay, but I think you should feel sorry for this one in particular. So her voice had reduced me to a teenage version. What?

Jesus Christ. Oh, I don't know. Oh my gosh. My eyesight was way off. I read, I read teenager again and visions. Jesus, right? Her voice introduced me to a teenage virgin again. That's what I thought he said.

I saw visions and like my, okay. Talk about premonitions. You're seeing something good. You're like, I just want to have sex so bad. Shut up, shut up. Her voice had reduced me to a teenager again. Visions of her watering her flowers and walking her dog occupied my mind for the rest of the evening. There.

Is that better? That's good. Okay. I'm going to get. Um, our, um, who's the other guys I can sell you for a flash gets. I'll do it with me. I'm sure. He was bouncing from employee to customer to office like a bad game of Pong.

I didn't bother seeking him out. I knew that he would come and find me when there was time for a breath of air in the middle of me reaming out a, uh, whoa, in the middle of me reaming out a bus boy. You got, you got to get your shit together right now, dude. You did that. You did that. That is what it says. Teenage. Teenage virgins.

And then you're like reaming out a bus boy. Read it. Read it. What is it saying? In the middle of me reaming out a bus boy. Paulina strode past. There you go. What got my interest were the earrings Michaela wore in these photos or the necklace her mother wore

at the press conference or the watch on her dad's wrist. So I dug deeper. It became clear that the Murray's had money. A fair good amount of it. after entering Jerry from the entertainment I think

I think I think I think Isaiah's caught himself caught himself a fly there he's a little bar fly as well he's like uh oh someone's in my web I said knock knock Jerry

who's there I said that and I'm like all right well that was like a trap card for Hunter yeah it didn't feel like pot of green yeah Hunter gets to draw three additional insults from his deck.

Yeah, you're gay. That's just pot of great steel. I wish instead of drawing three cards, you can just call your opponent gay. That'd be funny. I mean, you can. Has turned. He doesn't stopping you from doing that.

After entertaining Jerry from the bar and stealing his jacket, I ripped a butt late that I, I, what? I ripped a butt late that night. What does that mean? I think it means, uh, I think it means, uh, I think it's a, it might be euphemism for weed or I, I made me think of a cigarette butt, but it is funny.

If you entering, it is funny of you saying entering Jerry into Amelia, I ripped a butt. I play pot of green. Your game There goes another one Any time I misspeak From here on now I can just hear the sound effect Didi-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dink

It was a box of high-quality paper and envelopes personalized with my initials At the top of the sheets of paper And on the backfold to the envelopes As a 20-year-old As a, oh, sorry, As a 70-year-old man, I don't know why we said 20, whatever. As a 70-year-old man, I would probably have thought that's, okay, I don't know why I can't read all of a sudden.

It's okay. The gift of, what is the literacy, the gift of literacy has been taken for me. When we arrived at the office store of the historic preservations, also, I just got to say, it is so satisfying to hear this town's poor. Well, here's the thing. Like, they can't even afford a road plow. Good. I'm guessing, I'm wondering if there just if there just hasn't been

enough, like, I'm wondering why the snows aren't plowed and they're like, oh yeah, things are closed down. They obviously don't have enough manpower to maybe clear the roads. Like, I wonder what's going on. There's just, we haven't been, we haven't gotten a reveal yet. What's going on? It'd be really funny.

If it's like, it's like the press gods and everyone doing the human trafficking is like, yeah, all our job opportunities went overseas. Like, you know, these terror restrictions and stuff really running this country dry. American production's losing out for like foreign jobs. And he's talking about like human trafficking. Buh.

Really losing out to foreign investors. Buh. Feet. Ah. Someone's really got to put this country back on top. Welcome back to Greencast. Today we are doing a little double-headed feature, starting off with, one of the stories that is in our subreddit,

R-slash creepcast called esoteric isotopes, which I don't like that. Isotopes are Ui-Yucky yucky-n-n-n-time. U-I-U-I-U-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-ty time. Yeah, isotopes. Isotopes. I mean, yeah, isotopes are like the little fucking fish bugs, right? No, that's isopods.

Oh, well, okay. Well, then, you see, we're never out of yucky, yucky, fun time. Here, we're out of yucky, nasty time. Who would I have a podcast with right now? I thought it was like esoteric. An isotope is a variant of an element that has a different number of neutrons compared to the standard. They're also the little bugs that are in fish's mouth whenever you see them. No, that's not, no.

You ever see the movie? I don't even think it's... You ever see the movie, The Bay? Yes, that's the story we're reading. Yes, I've seen the Bay. That's the story we're reading. Esoteric yucky bug. The story should have been called.

Already, giving it a docket for not calling the story. Esoteric, yucky bug. Already docking points from it. I literally know nothing about it. It's not all. It's not all isopods that do that. It's just like the one loud thing. No, no, no.

All of them do that. All of them do that. Okay. Have you seen the picture of a bunch of isopods around a bag of Doritos? And they're extremely esoteric. There's a bunch of isopause, Rond Doritos. I mean, do you blame them? Hold on.

This is an important image. I don't know. I feel, sometimes I feel like I'm on. the show with my grandfather. I don't know. If I'm being completely honest, I don't really, I don't think I really know what esoteric means. Teacher Isaiah, could you tell me what esoteric means? No. All right. Then I'll ask my real teacher, ask Jeeves, esoteric. Okay. Intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest. That's kind of funny. That's ironic that you

wouldn't tell me that too. Feels like you were being esoteric yourself. I don't know what you're talking about. Dude, I know, I, I like that picture. I like the picture. I want to eat them. I want to boil them and eat them. The giant roly polly looking things? They're their good lobster, dude.

What do you mean? They're the good lobster. The lobsters are the rats of the sea and these isopods that have obviously good taste next to this vintage bag of Doritos, I think would taste delightful. You're telling me that if you cooked up an isopause that had a belly full of Doritos that it wouldn't taste good. I don't know Esoteric isotopes

So they're just going to kill you to say this first line All right I was never a very religious man That's going to kill you Clip that I made a joke a while back That you're the person Veggie Tales warned me about

But you are in like the Saturday morning cartoon way Of like go ahead Say the bad word say the bad word for your mom will hear I was never a very religious man hell I wasn't even a very good man please clip that most of my life has lived thank you so much thank you so much thank you so much thank you for the clippers for doing that

all right that's the last time I'm saying it unless there's another great one but that's just awesome well you just want a clip of me saying I'm not the good man I was never a good man oh hell okay you see for 15 years I've been haunted by smile. JPEG. Smile. Dot dog. Comes to me in my sleep every night. Did you like that?

Did you get a kick out of that one? I got me. Every night. My mother's speaker on the corner like, big, goofy-ass smile. At one point, it's just not a scary anymore. It's a Siberiavsky that's smiling at you. Big fucking chompers. I'd just be like close the door all right his thing wasn't

I don't think it wasn't as explicit with like corpse because corpse's whole thing was like oh most of his stuff was been on the far where'd he go he did

he used to read Cream Fossies right uh yeah he did he did back in the day he read a bunch of these maybe he could be a guest on our show well he did music for a while

and stuff like that but I think he dipped from the internet after uh he got like a bunch of people kind of turned on him I think a picture of his face got out

and people were making fun of him and stuff and then he dipped but he dipped around the same time that was happening dude corpse you want to read a spooky story come on out dude yeah

would you bring him on with his sexy voice yeah I bring corpse on with his sexy voice can you get can you do a corpse impression uh that was pretty good that doesn't have the right time I think yeah that was the same register uh welcome to creepcast

yes is that what was that what he has say if he was on Crepecast. I feel like you've practiced in the mirror. I'm corpse husband and this is creepcast. I'm corpse husband, but I just got possessed by I see you. This is corpse husband and I'm on creepcast now. I feel like you've done the shirtless in your bathroom in the mirror.

Why? Why would you say that loud? For the seven women in the audience, I'll remember that. Did you see them getting upset over that? The seven women thing? There are a bunch of girls like, there's more than seven. of us. Yeah.

It's a meme. And now there's the people have been saying there's the seven sister cult. The seven sisters. And that's sick. Seven sisters? Got seven. Four of our girlies out there. Yes.

That was pretty. I felt my soul. I don't leave my body. That was that was the reason you were that enthused because it was a point of meanness to a point I brought up. That was countered. me. So I did not appreciate that. They went

back and forth for a while. Honestly, I had no clue what they were talking about. I guess my dad must have had some bad memories from that place or something. Yeah, dude. He should clarify what his dad's freaked out about. You're perceptive. Yeah, I didn't know.

He was crying and hitting walls, but I just went to back to bed. My dad was talking about how my dad was talking about how I can't go to camp and how he has all these dark memories. I think something's up. I think he's putting two and two together. That's just dad when he drinks a big bottle of scotch. He acts funny. Keeps talking about all those camp counselors that used to be really good friends with him for some reason. Yeah, they read a bunch of

scriptures with a knife on his skin. This silly times back then during camp. That's, oh, Camp Oakwood. That's where the Bible verses came from. That's right. My dad can't quit quoting in his sleep. That makes sense. That's right. That's why daddy. talks in tongues in his sleep. Say your dad. Yeah, that's him snoring. Oh, Camp Oakwood. That explains the pagan.

Every night. Every night his mom hangs herself in the room. She's just like hanging there. And the dad's like eyes wide open sleeping. You guys want to play Donkey Konga in my room? You guys want to play double dash in my room? Yeah, sorry about my dad. My dad's a real light sleeper, so I'll have to be quiet in the other room.

You just hear, Blah, gong, gong, gong, gong, blah. That's how I imagine you were raised. Just like, I wish that was how I was raised. I'd be sick. Yeah, my dad has a lot of funny friends that exist. in the shadows. Like, what? Yeah, those are a shadow friends.

If I get too close, it burns. Yeah, I can't touch my dad because it hurts my soul. I try to wake my dad up when he gets like this, but every time I, too, my vision gets blurry and my heart hurts. Yeah, I go into a state of anapelic shock or one of the fuck it is anaphylactic shock i furrowed my brows at my own we we went out with a group of friends for a wedding a couple weeks ago and one of my buddy two of my buddies uh were drunk and thought it'd be a funny bit to walk around the room and anytime one of them was about to say something he would

look at the other and go saxophone and he would start making like a perfect saxophone noise with his mouth and the other one would just start monologuing as if he was a detective in an old tv show and then they'd walk away and just go do that somewhere else. That is a boy, oh boy, glad I was not there for that. That sounds just fucking horrible. Good God. Soxifold. My boy.

And everyone's like, okay. Okay, that's awesome. Soxaphone. Yeah. Well, that's cool, dude. It's a nice youth pastor group. thing you have going on there. That feels like the very innocent

time. It would be so funny if you guys were like in an opium den when this was happening. Three black three people overdosing. Yeah, exactly. Three dead China men just like laying there with these long opium pipes. It's saxophone.

Like walking through the opium haze. What? Ben, he's freaking out. He didn't know. Someone's probably at your house, dude. They might be, I'll just kill him over there. Every step of the process, every zip, every bit of Velcro,

I had to remind myself he wasn't going to complain. It felt intimate, but it wasn't. Intimacy requires two people. By that point, Ben was just me. I don't know if I agree with that last line, by the way. This, this author, wait, what line don't you agree with? Intimacy across two people. I've been very intimate with myself before.

That's the part I was afraid you were going to agree with. Come on, man. Don't say that on the podcast. Come on that, dude. You know what's actually funny to tie that in, intimate with yourself, right? You say the craziest things and just diverge. Go ahead.

Whatever. I just want to say that I saw my, everybody in their life as a human crypted. It's true. And mine, his name was Mr. Flopper. And the way that, the reason that is is because I know very well that a man can be intimate with himself is because I remember one

time I set a sleepover. We sat there and a kid excused him says, I feel I feel sick and I'm going to go to sleep. Like, all right, who gives a shit? We're playing MLB the show on PS2. Great game. Go upstairs and before we know, we hear him

like giggling in the room and we hear like a a or like that's disgusting. We know what he's doing. But when we heard what he was talking to himself in the room, Isaiah, and he was saying, it's so floppy. So floppy. He was flopping it back and forth. And we never said anything about it, but we made an inside joke and we called a Mr. Floppy for the rest of our lives. And I ran into him at the grocery store the other day. If I do it, I'm killing you first.

What? Do you not have your own crypted kind of character in your life? It would be cruel to push this on to someone. else. I've decided. Okay. Come on. You tell me you didn't, you don't think that the mister, also we are young. Mr. Floppy. That boy, I don't know what was going on, but there were some noises being made. It was disturbing. Right. So floppy. I saw him. What are you even talking about? What do you mean? What am I talking about? I, I've, I've, like, my ears are ringing right now. I'm so, I'm starting to sweat. I'm getting like... And I'll tell you what was the most disturbing part about it is that he had pistachio muffins

in his cart. We are... No, no, he didn't. Who wants that? No, you know what at this point? No, he didn't. I don't know what you're talking about. There's no way. I said, Derek, it's nice to see you. He's like, oh my God, it's been so long. And I knew that he was just packing some heat in his pants, so I didn't get too close. But I saw that he had four trays of pistachio muffins. To me, that was like a new thing. And more lore. If you a lot of pistachios, maybe it makes you well endowed. That my fuck I had a pistachio. muffins out the woo-ha. What do you think listeners' response to things like this is, do you think they hear

this and they're like, wow, that's so what I believe in. Sorry that I'm just trying to tell you bits of my life of things going on. You know, I thought that, you know, it pertained to what we had here. Absolutely should be, to be fair. How does this pertain to what we're talking about? How does this mean? Intimacy requires two people. Intimacy requires two people.

I said, I disagree. I know that people can be very intimate with themselves. And then you're talking about a guy in a store with the pistachio muffins. What is the connection? Mr. Floppy. What does that have to do with an astronaut? It has nothing to do with the astronaut, but has to do with the intimacy with two people. Mr. Floppy was very intimate with himself.

That's all I had to say. And I was going to, I was going to say that the rest of it was very well written. And that's it to, I love the visual of the swollen joints and having to put somebody basically into a giant goddamn zip lock bag. But then I couldn't get past Mr. Floppy. I thought it pertain. I'm sorry if it didn't. I apologize.

if it doesn't. Maybe I can say like the right combination of words to get the podcast taken off of YouTube and then maybe that would be enough to get me out of the obligations for it. I bet I can come up with some colorful ones right now. You know, I, I'm surprised. I actually thought that you would be somewhat intrigued by what I had to say. But I'll keep it to myself. I'm going to drop words

you haven't heard of before if it gets me out of this every syllable lovecraft in dialect of something I've never heard of every every language every pronunciation if Kizu said hate speech

that's what it would sound like they're going to have to make a new word for what I'm going to do yeah I'll hit everyone I won't take any prisoners All right. Well, we'll be kill shots across the board. Two men who enjoyed their own company, but don't mind one another.

Ben and I had become acquainted over all that time together, but it wasn't like we were brothers in arms. Oh, sorry, I have to go get my package one second. Man, Isaiah's gone. Now, I get to finally say my true piece. What if Ben's in the bag right now flopping it around? I would have been sitting there and he's saying, It's so floppy.

In the bag. And our hero here has to look out the cockpit window and see what he thought was his rigor-mortous friend. Flopping it around in a bag in the vacuums of space. Would you go out? Would you go out? And would you help this man? Or is it his own fault?

Would he just be flopping forever by himself? Apologies for killing the vibe. No problem. Hold on one second. Another package is here, in fact. I'll be right back. I apologize. You're all good.

Then again, maybe Ben's flopping it. Space Station never said that was our question, right? What if Ben's in there right now flopping around? He likes it when the narrator touches him. Flop, flop, flop, flop. It can easily translate to tap, tap, tap. How do we know that Ben's not in there right now? A mass of bone and gunk.

grabbing his big old dick and flopping it around inside of a space blanket cocoon would there be a better place to flop it you tell me I'm still fully believing the bin is flopping it around right now grabbing it at the base flopping the top a well-endowed man taken too soon prophecy knew that it would happen yet still he lays, flopping it, from side to side. Grabbing the base, probably one peekie around a ball. Flop, flop, flop, flop. Or as a story would suggest, tap, tap, tap. Okay, sorry about that.

No problem. dude all you have to do is just just film a door and somebody knocking and it really is it it's always creepy it's creepy it works and like online people people go hog wild i could see my fat ass being young just being like oh oh my god oh no one knocks on my door especially because like the way most people experienced this was like scrolling in bed at night right because it's on twitter so you're just reading through it and then you get to that video it's like uh you know it's almost it's uh it's like being at a slumber party with your friends and you like read a ghost story

or something you're like I think something just said my name yeah very similar vibes you're right you're having one of those the very first time I ever saw a paranormal activity that was all night hold on shh shh shh guys guys

did you hear that oh my god what was that what was that friend you uh mr floppy as you called yeah yeah the guy was he there for that paranormal yeah so floppy was he there. He's probably the one saying it.

He's probably one saying your name. He's saying your name while he was, yeah, he's probably just like, did someone say my name? And you just hear his pud hitting his thighs. I was like calling a softcock pud. Isn't that nice? Sparks flew as the man stumbled back against the wall,

smoke starting to come out of the place on his chest where I had shot him. Wires of all colors visible through the hole. The man's eyes opened with a shock and I'm blinking as he slid to the floor. his head jerking a few times before he lay unmoving. He was a cyborg. Sirens began to sound as the,

Teen Titans, whoa. This is way cooler than Avery. Teen Titan. When there's trouble, you know who to call. Teen Titans. From the town where they can't see it all. Teen Titans. When the beast go on the attack,

you can press them when they got their back. Because when the world these eras are control. Cheonged titan! Go! Oh my God, if you think about it, it's actually kind of, it's actually kind of hot that Theodore's Robin and fucking Avery's beast boy.

I don't know. I should have voiced them like this the whole time. I'm going to turn to an elephant, give you belly kiss. it was so hot dude ship that ship that now ship it it's hurt it's in hell it's it's so are you making elephant noises yeah how did you do that it's so it came through so

stored at all the discreet, it was like, it's like I was hearing an elephant through a Ouichi board. I'm not moving my hand. Are you? No, I'm not. It spells out. Are we talking to a dead elephant? What is this? It's either an elephant or it's a beast boy from Teen Titans. I don't know which one. Him saying go to heck was pretty hard though, huh? Yeah, bro.

That was real cool. Come on, man. That was cool. It was badass. Yeah, that was really cool. him saying go he's him saying it twice and the second time has periods after every word you let you know that he means business freaking go to heck i'm tired of you dang robot scum in addition to that we may be donating more because before we get into the stories tonight

we're going to play a little game and that game is are you smarter than it obese man-child. I don't think so. Here's how this game's going to work. I have a series of questions queued up about Creepcast. Stories we've covered in events from the show. And Hunter's not going to get them right. So what we're going to do is I'm going to pick three people from the audience to come up here.

Hunter will get the question first, and when he inevitably gets it wrong. No. He will donate an extra $1,000 to the ARP. And then the question will go to one of you guys. If you all get it right, I donate another thousand to St. Jude's. So no pressure. If you get it wrong, that's less money going to cancer. Just keep in mind.

That's on you. If somehow, by the grace of God, Hunter gets the question right the first time, I will donate $2,000 to St. Juice. I need, let's get some lights on the audience. Yeah, can we get some lights? All right, so as mentioned, Hunter gets the question first, right? No hints, no one shout anything out. Then the way we're gonna do it with you guys is you're all facing forward.

You don't look back at the screen. As soon as you know the question, raise your hand. He will get it wrong. When he gets it wrong, I'll pick whoever's hand I saw go up first. If you win, you get a point and we've got some stuff for you. So, all right. first question what is the name of the cat in pin pal all right hunter the cat's name in pinpow yep that's a that was a while ago huh fuck I really ah

five four sprinkles all right all right so that's $1,000. Would you like to guess? Boxes. That is correct. Boxes. Very nice. Excellent. One points of her, zero to hunter, no pressure.

All right. Question two. In what episode was the term bear trap coined? Man, there's stuff too. Can I at least get a bear trap sound bite, please? Bebibbittred. Thank you. I'm going to say my best friend's ruining my life.

No. Hold on, he got first. Go ahead, take your guess. Dionea house? Correct! Wait, wait, wait, wait, no. No, no, no, no. It's a close title.

Hold on. She, to steal? Is it Azalea's Cook House? Yes, that's it. Fuck! I apologize. I apologize, I hurt Dionea, and I'm like, that's close enough to Azalea. It was not. My bad. Two points for her, no pressure or anything. You're just... I will get one.

You're just the co-host of the show. Yeah. Yeah. Question three. The man who wishes to be eaten like a bug comes up naturally in what two episodes? Dionea house. he's in two episodes he's just in one no he's not

no he's not tiny house and fucking the floppy episode the guy in the space I'm on this show I promise I swear is that it no

okay okay would anyone like to seal all right well I guess I don't have to give money away the answer is Dionea House. Oh, wait, sorry, there's a bonus to that. Because you didn't even get the first one, right? Okay.

The answer is Dionea House and Tiki Toby. Fuck! Okay, Tiki Toby. Okay, hold on, hold on. Bonus, bonus. We'll do it away with you. You can get the bonus. What is his wife's name? The... In both stories, the wife has the same name, which is how it came up. Gotta be Julia. Julia. Anyone?

See, thank you. It's okay. It's just... It's just kids who are sick, it's fine. Yeah, come on. The answer was Connie. That's what brought it up. Beautiful name.

So still two points to her. You've donated on every question. All right. Question four. Question four. In what episode did Hunter confess to Allegedly murdering a woman on a Japanese train. That is alleged.

Allegedly. No one. I made these, so I'm like, well, if someone who watches the show, we'll get it, but not Hunter. Uh. Wait, he's not going to get it. Go ahead. I can't remember the episode name, but it's the one where the guy is, like, frozen in time. You know what I'm talking about? No.

That doesn't count? The subway one. No, not the one about, if you've seen, I'm at the Glenmont Metro shipping, it's not that one, not that one. I don't know. Someone shouted out, Barry's in the window, yes, yeah. You know what, just for that, I'll donate as if you were up here. We'll do that. Shit.

All right, final question. Question five. All right. Barry's in the window, yeah. Question five. Which author has been featured the most on the channel? In other words, the most individual episodes. Eli Witherow.

That's not even his name. Shit. Okay. Any guesses? It's close. Any guesses? Come on, Britt. Someone yell it.

C.K. Walker. I think everybody do that. Fuck sakes. Okay, C.K. Walker, yeah, there was a bonus question, but I'm not even going to ask it. Most questions, can you name all of them? But that's not happening. Anyone want to try, the five C.K. Walker episodes on the channel. I know you can't. Go ahead. Go ahead. Wait. She raised first. Go ahead.

Okay, there's Verasca part one and two. Would part like five count as another one? Okay. Um, there's, uh, church, church in the woods, or deep woods, deep woods, deep woods. No, they didn't. Not spire. Not spire. Yeah, now I'm forgetting it all the one with the church in the woods. Oh, okay, hold on, Brett Michaels. Can you finish up? Do you have any more? Barasca one, barasca two, deep woods, room 733 and Mayhem Mountain. Five different episodes. Five different episodes that showed up a different ones.

Okay, so to my disappointment, that's the end of the, that's the end of the questions. To my disappointment, the first place had two, got two right, and that's our winner. So, winner to there, with two. That's right! So, I will give you, hold on, come here. How do I, how do we agree to do it? Well, yeah, I feel like neither of you two deserve anything. Give them all shirts, what the fuck.

Hold on. One of those. Here, we'll do this. You get, you get these two. There you go. Welcome. You get this. Hey, you get this. Thank you all very much. Y'all can go back to your seats.

Appreciate y'all. Thank you. Thank you. Consolation prize. Y'all can head back to your seats. Except for the clown guy. You go ahead back, Brett. Yeah, Brett, get the hell out of here. I want this guy to stay up on stage.

I have a question for you. Considering your outfit, what is this outfit? What am I looking at? I'm a tramp clown. Tramp clown, interesting, very cool. Is this a couple's costume you have? It just might be? It just might be, is the other part of the couple here tonight?

That she is. Can she come up here? Maybe she's a man. Come on up here! Another wrong. I see her, she's coming up here, baby. Just so we can see the costume side by side of course. That's nice.

You need a, that's a nice clown costume. That's a good costume. Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name? My name's Bailey, and this belonged to a dead old lady clown. I have their portrait. That's excellent. Wow.

That's incredible. Is there any, is there, I think I saw, was there something in your pocket? Is there like some bit to the costume or something? Oh, I have a rat. Oh, actually, there's one more question in the game. You got to answer your question. Here, you show everyone your thing while I go to the next question. question there's yeah sorry forgot about that there's one last question

one second keep pulling it go ahead keep on it I think the question is Congratulations, congratulations. You kids get out of here. She's standing, she's on the handkerchief. Uh, isn't that beautiful? Isn't that just cute? Thank.

Thank God, she said yes. God, no shit, dude. Oh, God, I was sweating. That had been hanging over my head. Like, could you imagine? Like, that'd be really funny a month from now, but right now, uh, all right? Congratulations to the young couple. Yes,ica's cry of surprise cut me off before I could go any further.

Both me and Ian turned to the sound of her distress and we knew instantly what had happened. The backpacks with our compass, food, and water have been stolen. I know, dude. It knew. Yeah. Blinded.

I was just say blinded by some monster pussy's crazy. And then the others like stole everything. It feels so real. He's like rubbing her boob and it just like it's like cracks like an egg. It's like falling off. Exactly. Wow. Whoa.

Natural is fine. Finally. This is just like the movies I watch. This is just like the turtle girls that mom told me about. She began making her way to the hallway, beckoning me to follow with one hand. I caught side of a beautiful, large silver ring on a ring finger. I guess she was married.

Of course she was. Woman that beautiful ought to be married. I thought to myself. He's down bad for this British woman. he's either down bad or my psychopath theory is like correct like that him just being completely to you may think you have an idea of what marcus pale yeah you may look at me he's like kicking his feet and he's like blushing and shit she's like hey how you doing i'm victoria he's like he he's been talking about me she's like well i mean they said that you were

showing up today okay it's like marcus you you you kind of you can't fucking suck dude and she's pregnant with a ring on at church and he's like, oh, she's married. Like, what was your first floating around her guts? Yeah, dude. I wish that was my baby's clawing out her intestines

and her gutty works. Oh. Oh, gosh. What? Yeah, that's what guys think about pregnant women. They're like, yeah. Yeah. My little raccoon.

let my raccoon dig for some trash is what i say gross okay whatever i'm sorry everyone i can't i'm not responsible for him it's quite all right i've never been up north before you're lucky to be able to travel around all my life i've been here stuck here that is i've always wanting to venture out but but what no it's it's nothing oh read Read that, Isaiah. She said, Oh, flirtatious, Victoria, eh? She once heard.

I mean, she's probably a prisoner or stuck here. Also, too, I've been here forever, and I'm like, you have a fucking British accent. Liar! And her name's Victoria Ruin. Once again, we need to remember this. That's true. I'd also be like, I'm also Dr. Mustard. If we're playing, make pretend, then I'm Ruthus Mustard, P.H.

is what I would say. I thought you were making a clue joke Colonel muster. Yeah, probably. That's probably the connection wise of my head. I'm going to kill you under the stairs. Oh, the man who helped with your bag. Under the stickers with a rope. She's like, you're talking about the game, right? He's like,

sure. Sure. Whatever you say, Scarlett. Just don't go in your room because I have a candle stick in there and I'll beat the hell out of you with it. No, whatever you do, don't go to the observatory. There's definitely not a knife in there. with Professor Plum. We're having fun, right?

Oh, yes, Victoria. Oh, yes. I'm the IT guy. This is what he yells at her. She's like, okay. Yes, Victoria, there's nothing wrong. Do you want to follow me alone to this room? I don't have a gun.

I want to be that child's father. Hello, pregnant woman I just met. Do you want to come alone with me over here? I'm blushing. I'm smiling and I can't tell again. and I can't tell again. I'll look in the mirror and realize I'm smiling. I could, I hope you didn't notice that I was smiling and drooling looking at your pregnant belly. I definitely don't want to eat your child who's clawing away at your gutty works. You're pregnant? Yeah. Great.

Bummer. I thought you were just fat. She's like, hey, Marcus, he started to scare me, Marcus. He's like, no, don't be afraid. I'm just the IT guy. Do you like being pregnant? I'm, I'm unironically going to ask that to a pregnant woman sometime. What's it feel like to be pregnant? Do you like it? I don't know, it's okay.

Can you feel him crawling around in there? You know, in your gutty works. Who did that to you? That's another good. Hey, who did that and point at it? Can I see? I bet if you lifted up your shirt and you show me your belly, it would look like a bald man's head. I'm the IT guy. I help run IT. I'm happy you're pregnant. I'm happy you're pregnant. I'm happy you're pregnant. It's a good one too. A man fully blushed. I'm the IT guy. Blush, sweating profusely, rolling his hand, like his fingers around his hands, like clenched hands.

I love you. This is what he says next. This is this. I love that you're pregnant. I love your pregnant belly. You're pregnant and I'm the IT guy. I'm going to go fix a phone. Do you have a phone?

You're pregnant. I can't wait to. And I'm the IT guy. set up a server rack. No, it's nothing. Hold on. What? Oh, that you're back in the story.

I didn't realize if we were still doing the bed or not. I've been staring at the camera just saying those things. Oh, there's going to be, there's going to be a lot of love for that. He looked right at me and said that he loved my pregnant belly, my little preggers belly. I'm glad that you're pregnant. You know, I, I'm the IT guy. My favorite thing you say to a pregnant woman is, I can't wait to boop your snoot. I can't wait to touch what's inside of you.

Oh, my God. That's creepy, huh? Good Lord. That's a freak one. I'm going to hold you from the inside. Huh? Well,

you're, you're pregnant. Can I see? Yeah. Cough twice. Okay. I could do it. If we stay here,

I'm going to keep going to just do the line. Now, it's. It's nothing. Well, honestly, I have nothing better to do. I haven't cooped up in my room for the longest time because of this bloody baby. Oh. Can't think of any response to this. You don't talk much, do you? I shrugged sheepishly. What can I say? I'm a quiet guy. Come on. That was perfect.

What can I say? No, that that is perfect. But every extra noise made me uncomfortable. You know what? She says this. Let me read it. Say I shrug sheepishly again. Okay.

I shrug sheepish really. Okay. Well, let's try that again because you did. Okay. I didn't mush about that one. My bad. I shrug sheepishly. What can I say?

I'm a quiet guy. Ew. I like that. I feel like then when he went, I'm a quiet guy. He like squatted bit down and said it. to the baby. Yeah. He put his lips under belly button and talked that way. Well, it's a change for sure.

You're different from all the men around here. All they do is talk and lecture. She's just looking down at him kissing her stomach. Like, well, it's a change for sure. Well, this is a change for sure. Her smile widened. I've been bored for the past few days. You want to go on a little adventure.

Adventure? Yes. I could give you a. a tour of the place. I'm sure you're wondering where everything is at. Can I get a tour of the baby? I, uh, do you think it's the pheromones? Is it pheromones that women exude from their honeycomb that's making this man be a ravenous bee? I don't like anything. You just, I thought it was kind of, I thought it was kind of creative. That was rough. That was right there. Honeycomb. Yeah. What? I really hadn't thought about that place as a whole. The only area. that vaguely interested me was the room behind the double doors but I didn't feel

comfortable as well I thought about that place as a whole but figured it'll work I get sorry sorry that's horrible sorry I hate myself you have a line thank you but I didn't feel comfortable ask you already said that no then you say surely why not my bad I got hung up on the whole thing sure why not or sorry sure why not Sure, why not? Good. Thank God. It took long enough.

The captain chose me because I always knew what's best. I lined him down by doing this. That thought was what decided for me. Picked up the pace, it sped past the three, coming to a stop in the middle of the hallway, and shooting my arms out to the side to block the way. I spoke. My voice low.

Guys, no. That's such a light put off of like, don't burn down the ship. that we're all on. You stop it. Guys, think this through. Let's talk about this.

No. I saw a surprise enter Vinny's face. You're not Andrew and Spencer's. I saw irritation, even anger flash. Get the hell out of the way, Nate. Spencer hissed.

Shook my head. No. Doing this is his worst idea in the long, sad history, bad ideas. If you keep doing that voice, I'm going to look.

I'm going to look. I'm enjoying myself. If you do that voice, me and the audience are going to immediately lose it. It's going to fall out of favor. You got to lock in until the next. All right. Here.

Here. All right. All right. No. I hate you so much. No. Doing this is the worst idea in the long, sad history of bad ideas. He would crack his neck uncontrollably and Twitch every once in a while.

the kids would tease him and call him tiki toby and they mocked him with exaggerated twitching and laughing it got so bad he had to turn to homeschooling it was too hard for him to be in a common learning environment with seemingly every kid poking or more like stabbing fun at him I like how the teachers don't do anything either all right kids calm down they're all like no the teacher was probably you

the teacher was probably you and making fun of him along with the other students yeah don't make fun of Toby and his pancakes. No, I'm not laughing at him. I just remembered a really funny joke. Please, kids. I'm like, I give a kid five bucks. Which more at him.

Twitch at him. Make it worse. Yeah, exactly. And then you're in the principal's office. You're in the principal's office with the kid. Like, I have no idea what he's talking about. Yeah, I don't know. That's drug money.

I've seen him. He's selling Adderall in school. He should be kicked out. That's how he has all this. extra cash. It's like the fifth grade. Yeah, the kids like, Adewal. I'm like, give me the drugs. Yeah, like going to his locker. Where is it? Where's your stash?

Kids just crying. Yeah, I, you're trafficking in these, aren't you? What cartel are you working with? I, I, fucking planted four pounds of Adderall in his locker. Four pounds. Four pounds. It's a lot. Four pounds. I'm like, oh, really, you don't know what it is. Where did you get the hooch? He's like, I don't know what that is. Also, if you're, wait, what grade we say fifth grade? I said how old is the fifth grader?

I mean, that that's not what the story said. The story hasn't said how old he is. I said fifth grade because the visual of using a fifth grader. Yeah, that's fine. I'm saying, okay, so the voice works then. I don't know what that is. Yeah, he's 10. Okay, he's done.

That's fine. And then the, the image of you going to a principal and be like, I think they've got a meth lab under the school. I think they're going to listen. I see him talk with this Chinese guy before school every day and he gives him a big bag of pills. I'm not trying to wrestle any feathers here. I'm just saying that I think he's got a source.

Yeah, Mr. Hancock, that's Mr. Lee, the English teacher you're referring to, and they would talk to him because that's their radio. I've met you six times. I'm like, Hey, what did you get in? We have worked together at the school for four years now. I'm tenured, actually. Oh, my God.

This is so not like me. I am so sorry. I just have like cocaine dust all over my nose. I am so sorry. This is so, this is so not like me. You walk out of the principal's office and you go to the assistant principal. Like, I think the principal's in on it. I think he's getting a cut.

I think the principal, I think the principal's selling Adderall to the kids. Call the superintendent immediately. All the pills are just like falling out of my pocket on the ground. Use of vitamins. Don't look at these. These are omega fish oils. But you want to give me that. Well, I can give you one for $5.

It doesn't matter. Just either or. Give it. Give it. Mr. Mr. Hancock, you were brought up here because you have to quit calling the parents of the children in your class disabilities and saying that it would be funny if you kept making fun of them when they're home. I didn't. I didn't do that.

And on a related note, you cannot still. Adderall prescriptions from children who have legitimate diagnosis. Yeah, you can't go into the, you can't go into the special needs wing of the school and steal prescription papers from the kids. That you just cannot do that. I didn't know I couldn't go in there. I was just picking up papers. We also at this time, and it's insane, I have to say this,

but you have to quit accusing Mr. Lee of operating a Chinese drug smuggling ring out of the fifth grade special. I refuse. I refuse. I don't know what he's doing. I don't even know. He's from Michigan. I don't know what connection you think he has to Chinese. Tell me who you work for. How fast do you think until that guy gets fired until the teacher gets fire? You, you, he has in that conversation. A fifth grade teacher. Well, it seems like you, you, you kept phrasing it like, you can't keep doing this to where it's like, it's a fifth grade teacher and he's blaming the one. Asian guy of being, I'm selling Adderall to the kids. There's no way that guy is staying for.

He gets a, it's a one and done. All right, maybe you slip up one time. But you keep screaming pancakes at the kid with Tourette's in class and saying he has Adderall connections. You're fired. You're like, go. I think you shrug to you. You're like, what?

Where's this coming from? What did I do wrong? I'm being targeted. This is discrimination, of course. Also, we're still reading a story. I forgot. Yeah, yeah, the story. Yeah, about that in the story.

I stood there frozen at the bottom of the ladder. My own light only casting a few feet in front of me. Graham? Run! You responded in a gurgled, gasping moan. You want to try a gurgled gasping moan? What would that sound like from you? That was good.

I like that. So I climb. It's one I'm Willie! And then even. further down the cavern you're just here goonies never die and then you hear a fucking sloth you're like oh i climb faster that she's just like ruth baby ruth holy fuck there is a there is a mutant man with a superman jacket down here like totally get me the fuck out of this cave

Goody's never die It's kind of fucking horrifying if you think about it. There's a bunch of 12-year-olds down there. Oh, up down in the cave. I bet the, I bet the pirate ships this way. Seriously, get me the fuck out of here. Why would Dracula be scared by them? Because it's the fucking goonies and they have sloth, a seven foot tall disabled man who's just like, eh, ha, ha, ha, sloth likes to eat rocks.

And he's just like eating the walls around him. They're totally closing in on me. Please help me. Ruth. Baby Ruth. Yeah. Then imagine, imagine Nose Rosh who's sitting there in like he like turns around. He's like, I'm totally hiding right now.

I cannot let the gornies find me. He turns around and there's chunk and he's like, has his shirt up and he just starts doing the travel shuffle. Oh. Oh my God. Help me. What is this magic? It's the travel shuffle.

Goody's never die. Okay. I climb faster than I thought possible. So without further Do I say we go Well I wouldn't say without further ado So on that note I just want to be known

By you all Someone does Yesterday before we started the recording Hunter sent me a text message And said that him and his wife We're in a car accident And these are these are two people I care about

you know a couple who's very close friends of mine um and i was like oh my gosh are you okay and he was like yeah we're all right but we're uh we're cut up pretty bad you know my wife's cut up on her arms i've cut across my my face like uh he was like it looks insane it looks like a law got thrown through the window we're lucky to be alive and i'm like oh my gosh what what happened like i think i sent up a prayer for like i hope they're okay um and he's like yeah check this out and he sends me a picture of him completely naked in his bathroom mirror. So he set up knowing that I would care about him and like trust his word. He set up this whole scenario saying he was in a car accident in order to make me care

and then look at his naked body. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I, when you catch me, it's not having to, you. It's a lot of different people. Let me tell you. If I'm in, if I'm getting ready to take a shower, which I was, you get ready to take a shower and I'm just sitting there texting somebody, it's going to lead to me sending something. All right. So yeah, anyway, that unrelated to that point, you could argue, I was looking on everyone's favorite website, Rule 34, and notice that there's no entries for Papa Meat

or Hunter. There's entries for Meat Canyon, but none of them are of him. It's all cartoons he's made. So that's cheating. So if someone could do something about that I have plenty of reference material. There's plenty of creepcast ones. No, there's not. Yeah, my wife just sent me, the other day, I also just sent me one of,

I'm pregnant and you're standing behind me. No, you're not, not rule 34. No, true, true. Yeah, no,

there's not. No, thank God. But I guess what I'm saying is there's at least that. There's angles of that. I mean, I'm pregnant.

My point is I need more bad things to happen to Hunter. That's all I'm trying to cross. so all right well you know without further ado maybe we'll maybe we'll have our own hidden web page here pretty soon and see if jared roberts experience a little story here makes us think of the hell's that'll wait for us so i'm very uh i'm very excited to get into this and uh see if this is this is a fun time i'm ready what's going on you didn't do anything wrong miss richardson don't worry but i was wondering if you would come with us where at exactly You will see.

Come with us. If their whole idea was to get her to come there as like a ruse, why actually give her the $10,000 of stuff on her... Sorry about to stab her in the alley and take it back. All right. Just grab her Power Puff Girl, hot topic wallet, and let's get the hell out of here.

That's so sad. I know. A young girl gets... She's bleeding in her... She's bleeding in her GER hoodie. She's just like... Don't talk about a beautiful angel that way. That a child.

of God. How can you be into my eyes? Like open doors. Without hesitation. I think it goes without saying, by the way, when I was like 14,

I thought Jane the killer was very hot. Because all the pictures would just be like a goth chick with a knife. I'd be like, that's so hot. It's all it took for me. That was very easier for us. if you had to put that together yourself is it okay well I said the child of God

I think I'm like probably clarify what what IDH that came from just reading this like yeah literally no details about her I don't even think I ever read the stories I would just see the fan art and be like oh yeah I think it was that. Tapping down on your keyboard.

Just scrolling down. I'm like the little moans. Without hesitation, Jane got into the limo with other agents. Without hesitation. 10,000. 10,000 fresh dollars in her wallet. Yeah. Okay.

I'll get with you too. All right. I've certainly seen a CIA badge before. It was probably a Fisher Price like fake toy badge. You want to come in here? I heard that you have like, I don't know, Wolverine blood or something like that. Without hesitation. Shut the door.

Next day, February 21st, Sun Vanish says, oh God, I just got back to where I part. There are four people standing in front of my car with their backs facing towards me. I won't be it is funny to imagine like he's just tweeting this is happening like he gets to the car he's like oh no that's that's just a silly thing about Twitter a G's I feel like I wish that they but that yeah sorry good yeah yeah it's not like they do it later they talk about everything after the fact but it's also you know it's a choose your own adventure ARG whatever but it's just a funny visual him in the car like I don't know what to do it feels very British to me for some reason I can't know what to do

Like, in my mind, the idea of someone, like, tweeting in a life or death scenario sounds like something someone from the UK would do. Oh, fuck. Oh, this bloke's fucking chasing me. I don't know what to do. Could he fucking out, mate? Because in the UK, it's like, if you defend yourself, it's like a life sentence. But if you murder someone, you're just, like, given probation for murdering for five months or something like that. Like a bit of a telly, Willie, isn't it?

Yeah, exactly. I guess that's why they'd be like, well, I don't want to go to jail forever. So I guess I'll tweet. That's the one thing I can do. I won't be able to outrun them. I have to get to the car. And that's the only way I can escape. Doing my best to quietly approach, fill up the tank, and get in the car.

And then, this is such a funny tweet. Because he says, I'll do my best to quietly approach, fill up the tank, and leave. And then the next tweet reads, they broke my arm. This hurts so much. much. Holy shit. Then we get a video. Of him next to the car.

It's like a PT cruiser. I wonder he's skin attacked. So he's in the parking lot of like a TG, like a TG Max. Whatever. Looks like he's on like the road, I think. Are he supposed to be? They're so close to the car.

He's in a T.J. Max. They are right there. Look how close they are. You thought he could quietly fill up a gas tank there. This is what kind of pain? What is it? he filled up the gas tank as he's opening door one runs up snapped his arm with their bare hands

he then manages somehow to get in the car shut the door and then they can't get into the car you can just hear him hitting on it i really like that the fall in your arm is crazy I don't do that I didn't like that And even to dream of turning it on all To see my world drown in oceans of agony Is the only vision which now brings me any relief From my madness

From a madness which is not of this world Though neither is it of any other world Thank you for picking that voice out of every awesome... This is an L-the-Mage's voice. Said the mage in the same quiet voice. But I have also had visions of butchering the angels. Replied the madman as if to argue the irreparable nature of his mania. You have envisioned precisely what you've been able to me.

All right, hold on. Hold on. That's a really good one. I like that was. you have envisioned precisely what you've been made to envision and nothing that has risen from your own your own true being but how could you have known this what is the nature of what you've seen this is the most disinterested this office job moondy of the old of the oldest philosophers of an alchemist to this see even to pose as the soul of another world

and not as a soul of a world as we know there's only one world and one soul of that world which appears in forms of beauty or bravery or but it's according to how many anima moondy would turn you

what the fuck is an anima moondy I think it means like essence spirit I'm pretty sure your soul and no in no ordinary and no ordinary devising may turn you away from what it wills. This is the power that had made you what you are now. And would unmake you for its own design. It has played with you as it would a puppet.

Then I will make myself its destruction. You cannot. I hate you can I hate you cannot your very wish to destroy it is not yours but that but uh shit your very wish to destroy it is not yours but that of the thing itself you are not who you are

you are only what it would have you are only what it would have what You are only what it would have you be. You speak as if you're... Look at a serious guy. You speak as if you as if... You speak as if it were a god of deceit and illusion. You speak as if it were a god of deceit and illusion, sir.

There's no other true way to speak in it. But no further words now. It sounds like the mage had a script in his pocket. He kept glancing down at Doreen. Thank you for tanking that it does. No, dude, it's cool. He's like, I'm a mage that sounds like that. Yeah, it's a mage who's pretty much sounds like this.

It's kind of a magey voice. No, it's not. That's a Dwight's fruit voice. Well, I'm more of, uh, I've seen so many things that the world bores me. Though the shadow fog lenses of these spectacles, you will be blinded so that you may see with greater sight. Through their darkly clouded glass,

Anna moon, he will diffuse it into nothing. Through their, through their darkly clouded glass, glass animal moon deed will diffuse into nothing that's before you what would murder another man's mind will bring your peace henceforth all things will be in your eyes a distant play of shadows that will fretfully strive to engage you ghost that clamber to pass themselves as actualities mass that desperately the little bit about to conceal the stillness of the void behind them. Henceforth, please know that this is the only means by which I may help you. You have been made ready to receive the salvation by your very torments.

Though we cannot overthrow the hole the anima moon, he has on the others of this earth. We must still try as we can. the soul of the world has its way. We will grieve all in whom, we will grieve all in whom it lives, but it will not live in you on the condition you obey one simple rule. You must never be without these spectacles.

Or your furies will return to you. There, now you may open your eyes. Those lines were so cool. And they've forever been ruined. I can't even go back and look at them right now because it's just going to, Anamomondi is going to just be in my head. Yeah, you got to watch out for

Animamundi. I can't, I can't wait for what LaGotti's publishing companies that does after this because it's not going to be. LaGone. Yeah, we are. We can leave that episode off, but we keep getting emails about

about a show. So we would just say Thomas was thrilled with the reading and he found particularly interesting how he read Animam Moondy like that so many times and that's all he's been saying

it's actually driven him mad he's perpetually in a state of shock so on the bright side videos doing really well book is selling well on the downside he has agreed to never write ever again

not even once Animal Moondy which is why she wants him dead and he wants jimmy dad jimmy was the one who gave the whole speech like we call this the stables i would just almost i wouldn't even be surprised if this turned into like just like we're gonna kill the whole fucking town i you know how happy i would be i would be delighted if it's just like that would titillate me i would that'd be titillated Kyle's like your grandpa on the mobility scooter full set up here they like duct tape a gun to his hand yeah he's like fumbling over the bolt to re-rack it like he drives he drives the wheelchair straight into a gas station 17 38 hey does the jbill speaker

attention i'm like hey what's up actually yeah it like it's it's vibrating the back hub so it sounds like it's like you know like when this car's like brabber bra yeah it's like we we need a distraction like Kyle in the mobility scooter You look hungry Order pizza from Domino's I remember what you like on it

He said before glancing at a menu Next to her on the nightstand She picked up the phone And began dialing the number I got up to use the bathroom And took my entire duffel bag with me Amber noticed she didn't say anything Then sometime passes

I do completely agree They do not need to go to a restaurant My gosh Hell now It's Jimmy Prescott Yeah can we exactly. I remember you. Yeah, great idea.

I love your red hair. There's nothing good that comes from the... Kyle's in the back look like Hector Salamanca. Ding, ding, ding, ding. He's staring the... Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. dingin. Oh, I miss him so much.

Okay. Yes, but Kimber, can't have you out there. Oh, my gosh. I can't have you out there. You know that, right? Why do you think I'm teaching you to shoot? You're going to let me go alone? Do I have a choice?

No. Kimber shrugged. Maybe, maybe, like, as they talked about, the Kyle thing, like she'll get Kyle and he'll go to Brasca maybe. I don't know. Yeah, on his wheelchair. Come on, Kyle.

I get home with my baby. He does. Sheesh. Get shot like nine times immediately. I'll be cooking parts with my baby. I was running through six with my worst. Yeah, so Kyle, he likes Drake now.

Like I'm George straight Like I'm George straight Okay That part was true It was pounding Nicky frowned You need a ride Internally

No externally No No bro What? You like driving dudes around your car or something You into teenage boys. I got this.

I just offered you a ride. Well, you made to suck your cock on the way home. That's just a pretty formal thing. Hey, well, you want to, you want to eat my asshole out and,

you know, do all kinds of weird stuff with me. You'll be jack you off in the driver's seat. Okay. I see that I'll never ask this ever get in my life. It's funny because any time I offered to give you a ride somewhere. That's typically what you say. I jump for joy.

And I do. I do yes. Yes. Yes You're giving them too much to work with Yeah, I think I'd take three or four butterscotch candies are rolling around my mouth and I get my my saliva nice and thick and I do I do I do I say I sure I guess is you if you want to Is why I say like that

What? Oh so I guess we can't be bros. It's fine. I guess we can't do what fellas do. I guess boys can't be boys. Oh, gosh. She said matchy my grin and she looked at me.

Damn. You got tall. She said, looking at me. He got it from his old man. Okay, dude. Dad, you don't need to try. You don't need to chime in, dad. Yeah, I'm pretty hot too.

Complement me. Yeah, he's, don't you think, go ahead. Don't you think I'm beautiful daughter of mine? Yeah, he's pretty much a spin of an image of his old man. So you probably think I'm pretty tall and cute too, huh? Dad, could you just go already? Yeah, I got to go to work. My dad, my dad chimed in and Caitlin rolled her eyes.

Besides my height, I got a lot for my dad. I got his warm brown eyes. I got his wavy, dirty blonde hair that I had always kept medium length. I looked so much like my dad that my mom always chimed in saying how I got her nose and smile. Happy birthday, hon. Mom said from the counter giving me a soft smile. These are almost done and we'll go out for your birthday dinner later tonight.

Said, just ran up the waffles and I smiled. Birthday waffles for the birthday boy. Better keep your girlfriend's way from your old man. They'll get us confused. Dad, stop. You're morbidly obese and you're 56 years old. Ah, yeah. Spitting image.

It's like looking in the mirror. I've got to persevere. I have to get through this. We're like, we're like, we're like. we're like we're like yeah yeah this is the beginning of the story we've been recording for 30 minute oh my god oh god okay one of the rules said i wasn't allowed to tell them did that mean i also couldn't hint at it um i'm not sure if i'm feeling the river today i said trying to sound as nonchalant as possible okay the dialogue some of the like the verbiage choices in this story

are really testing us right now we're being very good for not i feel like i'm i feel like i'm floating outside of my body this is becoming a religious experience for me yeah yeah like i'm trying to be nonchalant using irm unironically or uh like the the dad chimed in using the same like phrases over yeah i'm pretty young and sprightly too you girls stay away from me i'll get in trouble you boys don't know how good you haven't you've no idea you better say for this because life only gets worse i think you said was your soulmate sure these are the best years of your life remember that you'll never get any better than this it'll never get any better than right now fuck are you crazy it's like 90 degrees out here

said raising her eyebrows not wanting to act suspicious i decided that i would go but i wouldn't go in under any circumstances all right let's go but i can't stay long i i have my birthday dinner with katelyn and my parents i said to which joseph pumped his fist why did he pump his fist oh oh we're going to the river i see i see yeah i thought he was doing it over the mention of kately i'm like it was joseph yeah what about your dad man all right boys stop he's just there with them all of a sudden like all right all right who called the pi'd piper you could hear my flute from a mile away couldn't you okay i'll get out of here i'll get out of here you get that fine i'll be in the bushes again if you need me just call

dad get out of here he's like a real chummy child predator type god jeez that what you're saying no no no okay all right he just thinks he's cool he just thinks he's like catch it's wholesome okay 421 2016 what is that uh may uh march uh march march march march march 21 2016 first 2016 first post it's titled yep a unite hold hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on before we do that um so do you want to talk about uh what the thumbnail was to the um the sugar daddy episode what's up what do you what do you mean uh so for those that don't know uh hunter you know he's got the team he's got like cool people to do the same guy that does his thumbnails for creepcast is the guy that does his thumbnails for like pop of meat and stuff like that so you know he does a thumbnail so he talks to that guy uh I don't see any of it. Most of the time I don't see it until, you know, the episode's up. And then yesterday on Father's Day, I'm out with my family at church. I'm like, oh, did the episode go up? And I pull up my phone in the House of God to see the thumbnail of me naked.

Collared by a geriatric man performing sexual favors. Well, I sugar daddy. So sugar daddy. So do I don't know. do you want to talk about what your thought process was there where where you had the audacity why you thought that was okay um yeah yeah i can kind of give in to some thoughts of that uh you're a little whore so i thought that i would you know present you like the little pay piggy you are and uh it just felt right also to um it's funny is mostly why i was just kind of shortling to myself uh because at first they had you in your normal

Like in the one of one of you came out. Uh, he's taking pictures with like, you know, his shirt on and stuff. And I was like, yeah, no. I was like, yeah. Take that off. Make him shirtless. Uh, and then they're like, okay, that's cool. And I was like, yeah, he's okay. I was like, let's throw dog collar and a leash on. And they had a, I think they had me at first, uh, like holding it. And then, uh, with the money. And then I was like, now just put like, a random guy like a random stock photo guy and get me out of there is the uh so you're not even willing to say that you're you're present in this scenario like it because now you know that's actually that is now i think the first thumbnail that both of us aren't on yeah i um require yourself from the only one on the channel yeah and i think that it may be in my situation creatively i was thinking well maybe i'm taking the picture Right? Maybe I'm in the room, but I'm just behind the camera is kind of the idea.

Right. You're shooting the snuff film that's about to take place. Exactly. Exactly. Right. So, you know. Interesting. Yeah.

You know, it was a, it's a cute, it's a cute thumbnail. I had a nice trottle out of it. And I think people got a good kick out of as well. There was a lot of concerned people, though. There was a lot of people that were, I think, moved by it in a negative or positive way. I'm not sure. Yeah, I was one of them. I'm for sure.

I just can't describe. but that's like being like i wonder if the episode oh well dude that's the you know what that's the creative liberties that i like to take and i think it works in our favor liberties all right i i'm glad you know what i love that we sat here we're two men aboard the titanic taking out our tiny violins and playing because i see a lot of hurtful stuff too that makes me fucking borderline cry really yeah all the time all right what kind of stuff. I don't want to go into it because it's only going to it's when we say these things,

it only gives them fuel, Isaiah. Don't you understand? Right. So I just like to. There's what there's one guy. So there's one dude. He has like, I'm not going to say his name because I don't need people to know, but he has like eight followers on Twitter. Complete nobody, right? Yeah. Every time I post a video announcement, after a couple hours, he will quote tweet the tweet. The tweet. I made announcing it and say either good video or bad video and he never gives any further explanation. That's haunting. He never says like that legitimately, but my algorithm, I think because I've looked at his

page, it always shows me what his reaction is. Every time I post a video, he'll just be like, bad video and I'll be like, oh, why? Damage. Explain. Yeah, it's like it's a 17 year old German kids. You're just like, your entire existence was wrapped up in this kid. He's like, good, but. And I'm over, you're like, damn you will, hell, like shaking my fist at nothing.

It's like the kid from Charlie and the chocolate factory, just eating chocolate. It's literally just a gustus gloop. just covered in chocolate watching the videos. What is he planning? What is he putting it? I know he's scheming something over there. Yeah. Open my eyes as we backed out the driveway.

I saw Mr. Wide Mouth silhouette in my bedroom window. Stood motionless until the truck was about to turn onto the main road. Gave a pitiful little wave goodbye. Steak knife in hand. You see that too, right, Dad? Daddy, do you see the tiny man in the window with the knife? Dude, seriously, you're killing my fucking buzz. Turn up the zizi top and just shut the hell up.

If I have to hear one more word out of you. For fuck sakes, I'm sorry. Let's play a game. It's called Shut Up Till Pennsylvania. How's that sounds? That sounds like a good game. Slugbug. It hits a my shoulder.

Jesus Christ. Punch is the kid. Well, if I can find it, I'll be like the knight who slayed the dragon. Yeah, which is awesome. And they're not going to be together, which is awesome. I mean, the most dangerous, full-hearted things men have ever done in history have been for God and women. That is the only two things we've ever built altars for. Hey, hey, and Pokemon cards.

Am I right, boys? Sure. Sure, buddy. You know what? That's something that I definitively will say was not for women. Yeah, was Pokemon. Sorry, ladies. Step aside.

I got to open out my Pokemon Evolutions pack. Just a rock hard boner while he's standing in Target. You were blessed. Is that how you met Allison? Yeah, I met Allison. I was like, hello, my lady.

Just a huge hard on and target the smallest cock you've ever seen. protruding for basketball shorts. Oh, you're blessed. Looks like Wilbert's tail from Charlotte's Web. It's corkscrewed. His little corkscrewed cock. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm excited. And also the title is just enticing in itself. Yeah. Evil. Evil family restaurant. You know, is this going to turn into something more like if, you know, the Glenmont retro thing where Metro where it starts off with a, Or, I mean, Dianias House, whatever, where someone just walks into a restaurant, gets their head blown off?

Or is it going to turn into, like, you know, Five Nights at Freddy kind of meme? You know, it kind of, it has like a weird, uh, it could go either way. And I'm, I'm excited to see. But your brain just take all the stories we read and it like lays the title, the titles out randomly. And you just like grab one at moments and stuff. Is Dianis House not the one where it begins with the dude getting shot? Yeah, it is. It is.

But you started with the Glenmont Metro. Well, because, yeah, I thought it was that one at first. but no, I quickly caught myself because that's the kind of bear trap my mind is. It's how fucking iron clad it is, right? It's a bear trap with an eight second delay timer. No, no, no. It's an instantaneous.

It's actually wild. And then the bears like 20 feet down the trail. And then it's like, did you hear that? Because it like shut up on nothing. A quarter of a millisecond before your heel even touches the metal activation lever on the bear trap. It fucking grabs you. That's how, that's the steel bear trap that my mind is.

that caught the Dionea house incorrectly because it originally caught the Glenmont Metro. Well, actually, see, it saw the heel coming and it said, oh, hey, I remember Glenn Mont Metro. Oh, just kidding! And it switched it up. Because I think that it was, it was like,

it was bringing something in like a prey, you know, like a predator to a prey. And then it sees the kill right there. It doesn't matter, dude. I don't have to fucking justify my brain to you. All right? Maybe AP Royal. maybe listen to this on Spotify, dude.

If you're watching this right now, consider hopping in your, hop in your happy ass over to Spotify and listen to it there. You're talking to the author right now? Yeah. And that's the, and that's the, that's the bear trap coming out.

You got to watch out. But you're already, you're already mad at him. Wait. Well, I'm not. I'm just saying. It's a suggestion.

It's a polite suggestion. So now you're, now you're claiming that you're so quick-witted. that you're near, um, psychic with your, you're knowing. Well, I didn't want to have to go out and are exposed my, but that psychic ability can also be wrong at points. Well, see, it's never wrong. So, so in other words, you're just, curve ball. You're just guessing. Redeemed. No, no, that that British pull was the more I think about that, the more the British thing doesn't make sense because the whole point was like,

oh, this one person's British, but because you made everyone British, it ruined that part of the story. Well, I found redemption with them. I see, that's the fucking premonition, dude,

I told you. Even I didn't. See, that's the thing about the bear trap, dude. So, okay, so you see stuff.

Let me finish. I, the bear trap, sometimes I can't even see through the fucking fog of my own power because I was like, I was like,

is this going to do something about this that makes it British? And then sure enough, we're on the fucking Queen Elizabeth liner there, dude. So, so hold on. So you don't, you can't see specifically how it applies. You can just see details. Well, not all the time. Sometimes the power is so, just so hidden in the fogs of my, of the, of my mind of these bear traps that I myself. So what step into the bear trap as well. You step into the bear traps. You can tell what you're thinking. You can tell what you're going to do. Yeah. With this power, Isaiah, you don't understand the complexities of how this kind of. Okay. So here. Here's my point. If you can, if you can just pull random stuff. and you don't necessarily know how to play it's like you pulled British last time because you're super bear trap for this for today's story are you getting anything feel anything let me think I think that it's probably going to be I would say an American but I'm going to say that we're probably going to spend the majority of our time talking about like a restaurant probably some kind of you know family these are inferences the ones these are inferences these are inferences these are

these are all things you're pulling from the title no no see this is the the premonition i think that even that we're going to sit there and then we're going to have a point where i'm just going to randomly think if there's going to be somebody who's like uh sorry ma'am that's not a problem and for how many and then they're like oh four please and they know are you scrolling down no no no it was confirmed she was scheduled for tomorrow at 7 p.m these are just things that are kind of coming in her voice have reduced uh me to a teenager again just kind of pulling visions of her watering her flowers

and walking her dog occupied my mind for the rest of the evening okay that was powerful that was actually powerful how that came to be but let's just dive in all right I don't have to prove myself

okay hello sorry ma'am that's not a problem and for how many four please in less than a minute it was confirmed oh my god

she was scheduled for tomorrow at 7 p.m. This is the stuff that I was saying okay go ahead sorry for one the audacity to do it in the first place to just read the story ahead and say it's a premonition no i just the further audacity to call it out no what is what is the next line though her voice had reduced me to a teenager again

visions of her watering her flowers and walking her dog occupied my mind for the rest of the evening wow holy shit oh wow that is power dude i i am scary at times i bet i could get psychic pebbles to do this podcast with me dude don't even plant that seed in people's minds because they will want me immediately. They will want me off of this show immediately. Who's another YouTube and really any of the only guys would probably do it? Yeah. Who's another animator

that I could like sell you for? With a sudden eruption, the dark-haired woman that could only be Keith's sister shouts back to the crowd. I'm calling the cops. Okay, never mind. I was wrong. I was wrong. We were both wrong.

With the sudden eruption. No, dude. I'd not. That's Keith's bear trap. bear trap into part three so so you're still saying that it was an affair but i'm thinking so i'm thinking so the supper this is the final part for the final i'm excited it's keith's sisters looking because she's trying to figure out what happened to her brother dude fucking maybe i'm still don't let can a man dream can a man fucking dream this is the first time that we've ever had a love triangle here with a girl with a drag tattoo beautiful oh beautiful paulina you just you just like it because you think they're both hot you just like it because you think they're both hot well they could you know what little

bear claw action here dude two sweeties wrapped up dude and a beautiful it's not a bear trap if the story said a thing happened to bear see that's the that's my bear trap working again i said bear claw little twisted donut two sweeties wrapped up man what is a bear claw i haven't heard that I don't know before what a bear claw it's a donut a bear claw is a donut yeah you look at a bear claw it's it's it's like a it's a donut that looks like a bear paw okay it's like two what does that have to do but they're all they're tied up there's little bear claw okay i don't i don't have to fight i'm saying they're two swedes wrapped up in live here i'm just saying that it was bear claw and said the bear trap i'm calling it i'm still

keeping it there. I think my bear claw has not done me wrong yet. Called the British thing last episode. Calling this one here too. I'm telling you, man. Or watch out. The one thing I would not do right now is bet against the bear trap. That's all I'm saying. Part four. Okay. I froze. Her wallet, her keys, everything was in the back. I remember the note and suddenly my limbs felt weak. I jumped to the only logical conclusion. Julie never left. So congratulations, Mark. You killed Julie. Bear Trap.

Wait, what do you mean bear Trap? When did you call that out? Called it. Called her right before. I said, well, she's dead. Remember? Boom. Hit the three.

Hit the three. Okay. Whatever. I'm not, you know what? The fader. The fader three. You want me to have an emotional reaction to your insanity.

As soon as Ariola comes in at the end, stands next to Paulina. That's when you have to admit the bear trap's real. If that happens, the bear trap's real. Okay. But until then, no. Because it says, Oh, her phone's there.

Thanks, Mark. Like, that's such a clear, like she's dead, right? You don't get it when two sentences later confirms for us that she's, okay, whatever. Please do consider going there on Apple Podcasts or Spotify listening and giving us a nice rating. It really does help us out. So until next time, everyone, don't be eating at his alias. Or if you find Paulina, hit me up, let me know. Do that.

And most importantly, Hunter was wrong about his prediction. There will be a redemption moment again. The bear trap always gets, always gets its victim. Goodbye. Sure. Yeah. Have you quit recording? Okay. Hunter was wrong and I was right. And he's also, he does this a lot. He'll say things are going to happen and they don't happen. And he has him cut from the recording in the end. But he's lying. If Hunter ever tells you anything is right, he has gone back and posted and edited it. And he lied. He lies all the time. He's full of lies. But yeah, great story. Check out the author. Bye. had left me all his earthly and unearthly possessions. Uncle Marsh's death had been as singular and strange as his life. In the early morning of July the 24th, 1954.

Oh my God, bear trap moment. Absolutely fucking bear trap moment. Holy shit. What? What do you mean bear trap? I said it wasn't going to be in the 50s. You know what? That is a bear trap.

That one was pretty good. That one was that one. I will say I was not giving 50s at all. I was getting like 1,800. really you were did you actually think it was going to be like 1800s something about the reading and the early part made me feel like this was like an old village i mean dude it reads like fucking hansel and gretel or something yeah that's what gave me the idea of like grim's fairy tale yeah yeah yeah i mean it has that vibe until he said

high school or not high school he said summer summer break and i was like okay maybe not then but you you say in 50s i was like no way and that all right you know what you can have this one fine whatever. You made a face and I worried it was suspicious and then worried more that my worrying was the only thing suspicious. I had to settle down. I nearly jumped when Paul turned the locks and hit a button on the alarm system. Jesus. Chimed louder than I would have expected. See, that's what I'm saying, dude. I'm saying there's... I think you're right. The seeds are getting planted, dude. They're just like, baby girl, you ain't going to run away so easily this time.

Yeah, yeah, you get that vibe. And it's not to, to... clarify for the audience it's not a bear trap moment it's not no 100% first of all it is 100% no it's not no it is not because that's what that's what the description said on the article we looked at the beginning it said she breaks into someone's house only to regret it so we knew that we knew that now what is the old noise you're making what is that's the bear getting hit is that the noise of bear makes it's like it snapped by a giant metal trap do you think a bear's think a bear's like a cow. Well, have you caught a bear?

Because I have many times. My bear trap goes off quite a bit. You shoot bears a lot. What kind of bears are there in Kansas City, Missouri? Grizzly. Black bearers. Both of them. It's the only place.

It's the crossover. That's why they call Missouri the crossover state. It's because there's both kinds of bears there. You just kill all of them. It's a ride of passage for bears to walk through the St. Louis arch. They have to do it in downtown St. Louis. Exactly. Do bears have rides of passage?

Is that a thing bears do? That's one of them. That's one of them. What's another one? Eating fish mostly and sleeping. Really, really the St. Louis Arch is kind of the most flavorful one. All the other ones are where you got to get the straight. To be a bear to like earn your bear rights, you have to eat fish, sleep, pass through the St. Louis Arch.

Yeah. Well, some bears also, they getting caught in Hunter's bear trap is also right of passage. Yeah. So your so your bear trap isn't just a mental thing. Also, to be fair, we don't, we don't even know yet. We don't know yet if the bear trap actually. I think you're, I think it's hit. Okay.

First off, finish what you said. Finish what you said. I think you're right is what you're going to say. That's what you're going to say. You backed up and you cut me off. And you cut me off. No, you cut me off. I didn't back out of it.

You cut me off. So I'm not going to say, I'm not going to fish what I'm saying. Pod of agree. So I'm saying if I had a bear trap, I would coincidentally in this occasion, set mine where yours is. Like that was a good lay to get out of here.

As opposed to your 17 other bear traps that are off in the brush somewhere, aren't even turned on, aren't even activated. They're just shut up and thrown into the weeds. this was a good placement in this occasion. Don't be afraid of the screams in the night. They are just the bears passing through. Have you ever seen Top Gear?

Yeah. Well, I mean, like not all of it, but I've seen episodes. Have you seen the clip where Jeremy Clark? Yeah, Jeremy sets up. Claymore's for alligators around their camp. I haven't seen that. My wife likes a Clark's farm or whatever. Yeah, that show too.

Anyways, we'll fucking read this story. Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the story, the story. James Baggy, Jeans, messy hair gave me a totally different vibe, but his bed was made, the walls were bare, and the desk in the corner looked like it had hardly been used. The one window in the room had a perfect view of the setting sun beyond the fields. Shadow cast a line between the pool below, in the gazebo that was just barely visible

from this vantage point. I heard a lock click. We need to go now. Okay. This is, no. It's not. This is what, stop making the bear noise. This is what the article said when we clicked on the story, so we had

forewarning. What I will give you a bear travel about, I'll give you a single bear paw. Is the reason James was so upset is that he was like, why did you come back? You're correct. Okay I've tried to make the best decisions of my life And all things considered

Things have turned out well for me For instance I remember the first time I saw our Christine I felt such a strong surge of excitement And anticipation that I didn't even know What to say to her Later when we made Oh he's getting into

Okay When we made love for the first time I remember she cried Okay What what what the hell of we doing here? She cried. Bro, you got to get out.

Yeah, honestly, same. Same. That's me too. That's me too, man. I feel you. That's, that's just what's like 58 minutes of me crying, you know, talking about, you know, how I'm sorry, how I'm scared and stuff like that. That's typically how it goes.

Yeah. She cried. If I'm honest, I cried a little too. What? Oh, oh, you're right. Bear trapped. Oh, my gosh. fucking, fucking bear trap.

How do I do it? How do I fucking do it? You know what? You know what? You know what? This one time that was a bear and you caught it in your trap. That was, I just don't even. That was a, did you look ahead?

No, I did. Did you like scroll to the end? No, I swear. That was a hell Mary pass. That was, that was insane. Fade away three pointer buzzer beater, dude. That's what that was. That was actually ridiculous.

That was actually that, that, that, that, okay good job wow okay so i was like why she cried why would you even mention that i cried a little too and then the next sentence and i think i was too hard on her initially scott i thought she was a whore like the old christine god this i think living in this this this story is brutal by the way this is yeah this is rough this is rough but yeah you're right the entire time it's been bad scott it's been evil scott writing this man i'm honestly so upset that you were right that i it's hard for me to continue that you were that right about something that about something i set you down and was like no

no hunter that's not what's happened well i was just sitting there and i was like at what point even like right now when he's writing notes and stuff we've established that the guy can change it evil scott could change it right so i was like well what's the difference between that and him typing i just figured at some point it would happen but i by part two i was kind of the same boat as you though where I was like, maybe it's too early. But that's a great twist. Because it's great because it reads like it's him pleading. But really it's like.

Yeah, that's what sounded like. It's an earnest way of, yeah. Anywho, they're mine now. Tell us of those years, old Jack, years I have now taken from you. The years I can play with as I wish, like a child with his toys. Oh, how nice.

How nice and lovely to be settled in a world where it's always dead with darkness and always alive with lights and where it will always forever after be Christmas Eve. And that is the Antelie's Christmas story. The

end. That was a fun one. That was a fun one and I also want to say that was my bear trap by the way because what did I say earlier? I said it's like those Christmas Eve like you're going to a portal to a place where it's always there. It's the same room, the same faces

and that is literally what this story was about. So you what hunter bear trap on my half on my behalf i'll give you all i'll bargain you a rat trap but not a bear trap i'll give you i'll give you a rat i'm not going to upgrade it from rat to beaver beaver beaver beaver you're a bear do you know how big a beaver do you understand how ironclad my bear traps are from another direction came a throbbing heart the size of a small car ambling along on its branching veins an equally gigantic steak knife protruding from its center like a metallic snout. It reared back, raising itself a full

eight feet on its tendrils, let it a high-pitched rat-like squeak. Nope. I was dead on. That was my bear trap this episode. The Invader Zim reference. This is this entire thing. Feels like Invader Zim. It's Invader Zim, uh, fanfic. Yeah. My name was Deb and Zim had done all of this. For the most part, Carrie's newfound freedom changed her life very

little. Mainly her trips involved picking up the members of her small group of friends and delivering them to Dan Bergens to watch anime and old horror movies in his basement. Go ahead. Say something. Take something. Go ahead. I think it's cool. Hunter. I thought it was cool. You think it's cool. Awesome. Now Scary Carrie's cool. Now it's cool. Me who believed in her

up until this point. And I'm going to be vindicated by the comment section by history. By the end of the story, I have been right the entire. You know what? You know what, Hunter? Bear Trap. Scary Carrie is the, is the, This is a bear trap. If you get to pull a bear trap over just reading one paragraph ahead in a story, I get to pull it over scary carry being cool,

which I said from the get-go. It was a strange poker game you play when you're in love for the first time. You feel like you'll die if you don't speak to the object of your affection as soon as possible, but you know how crazy you'd seem if you filled up their answering machine with increasingly redundant messages. That you were, I think you actually, the more this is going on, the more you called it about him becoming Rob.

Like this is a bad this is absolutely what I feel like Rob was like maybe, maybe. The trap went off. We don't know if there's a bear or not yet. No, that could be a cow.

That's Carrie stuck in the bear trap. Her fucking frostbitten ankle. Harry, get the hell out of there, girl. Sorry about that. Didn't see that one the tow brush. you're such a jerk you're a terrible person that's carry

in the bear truck that feels like a joke we've been accidentally setting up for two months yeah it's scary in the bear it feels perfect it feels kind of perfect

for the story doesn't it she said yeah and ran her hand back through her wild hair not to get it out of her face but like you would if you didn't know the answer on a test

after she left I stood at the window for a long time staring out into the night at the place where her taillights had disappeared. Okay, was I not right then that he shouldn't have taken it to that degree? That it was not the time.

I mean, probably, no. I don't fucking know, dude. I don't know. Listen, I'm not a fucking, I'm not, I'd have no idea, all right? Okay. There's a, there's mystical goddamn bells in the forest and there's a Russian foreign exchange student.

And the kid got set on fire. You were all about, you were all about the him going for it a second ago, to be clear. No, listen, listen, I didn't say I was going for. I'm just saying this is the part, which bear that happens. Bear trap again. I was like, no, this is the part. It was stopping. It was starting up the romantic scene and you're like, oh, I think this will be romantic.

Like, that's not a bear trap. I said, this is the part in the, in the story or movie when the, the getting's good is what I said. That I didn't say it wanted to happen. I'm just saying that all the signs were there. You did. You are right that you didn't. that you wanted it to happen, so I'll let that one lie. I heard someone climbing the stairs outside.

Heavy footfalls indicated a large man or possibly someone who just walked like a Neanderthal. Kimber opened the door before he could knock and Jimmy Prescott walked in. Absolutely not. Bro.

Dude. Hold on. I said that. I said Jimmy Prescott. I said, and you said, no, because you said no because he owns the sub shop or whatever or he says a monster. No, no, no, no, no. You said the sheriff and I said, no, it couldn't be him. He's gone too far and I said I would thank Jimmy Prescott

and then I made the joke, but Jimmy Prescott runs the town. He could just say no. I don't think it'd be Jimmy Prescott. He was too evil either. I don't think it'd be Jimmy Prescott. I don't think it'd be Jimmy Prescott. I don't think it'd be Jimmy Prescott. All I know is probably that back. That was me.

That's my, you know what? You know what? Me. Me. I played this. Turn that camera. I play this. Turn that camera. Trust me. There's nothing in there

that would help you. So what are you offering us? Jimmy put his cigarette out directly on the glass coffee table next to him and lean forward. The chance to take down your father. Okay. So, damage.

I'm attacked. Have a run. Oh, hit back at you. I called it. Mine. My bear trap. That's not how that works. There's a way of throw car.

I have like five of these. Like, hold on. That one, that one's, that one's me. No, I called, I said, I said that beginning. I was like, oh, I was like, oh, no, is this going to be Jimmy Prescott here? Stop making the noise. It's mine. I did that.

Is that a shotgun? Yeah, mine's more of a bear trap. I thought you're doing a crap claw. I said, that's a trap. Oh. There's like, I don't know where those went. Anyway, I was so right about that, by the way. Okay.

I'm so sorry here. and it's it's fine it burns like a bitch though god well here give me your clothes I'll wash them for you it's the least I can do yeah they need to

they're checking his shirt his chester is back for something yeah I didn't give up my shorts but I gave her my shirt turned around to grab more paper towels to clean up the coffee on the table what's that on your back yep

yep I'll look fair trap I figured I figured some kind of like birth mark or something maybe right yeah it's like a birth mark or something Everyone is kind of meeting soon. We need this to work.

The last message was right after that, and it was dated for the morning after Percy broke into my apartment that morning. Carson, I figured out the first process. I haven't saw the other one, though. It's a different prayer. But I don't know which one specifically. Well, I was wrong about Julio. I apologize.

It seems that he is a part of the gambit. It's just a bit... It was just a bit odd. Like, I don't know, just way too invasive with... You were right. I don't know. You get your bear. Go ahead.

Make the bear trail. No. I'm going to believe that this little detail slipped from my mind. I never considered it important and none of my co-workers mentioned it at all to me

despite how seemingly obvious it was. Cherino is my name unscrambled. Man, would you look at that? No shit. That is an effective. Guess what? What? Roach.

It's like not even cleverly scrambled, though. Shorriene. no like it's h a r r i it's it's basically harrison it's the last it's the last three so you think there could have been a better name though rash rash rash i wonder if you could do something there's got to be a better name moose rash you sound like homer simpson the rash rhino rash rhino rash rhino you'd miss a h you'd be missing an age but it's pretty close i'll take it

it's clearly my boss king creole in the flesh no button eyes no stitches nothing he was no doubt human in this picture that was surprising what surprised me most was the woman standing next to him in the picture because that was the porcelain woman I was oh man brother where's it out

is it out where's it out where's it out where's it out where's it at where is it at where is it at where is it at where is it at what did i say earlier that the woman down there's an old love interest boom play my card let's go mooch that that that bear trap wasn't nearly as good as my jipsy rose uh olivia talking about her mom just want to say that you didn't even bring but you didn't even call it but i thought i was being respectful but if you're being going to get going to do it and put it my face then i guess you're now now now you're just doing it because i did that's completely different and also i have the card you don't have the card no this episode is incomprehensible to people who are new to the show by the way good leave only real fans

allowed i'm just kidding come back exactly they're wrong away no no no no no no please don't don't don't call police bad idea we have to go go go go police are coming get out go go what i murmured as i you control tax controls police police will kill you we must go who is q the adversary yes i was oh oh where's my that that's i've laid out five bear traps that one just snapped so hard we're okay so the adversary is the term that satan means in the bible that's like the translation or what's or the opponent the adversary something like that so cue is the devil and who have we seen the devil alliterated to throughout the story mother horse eyes the mother. So, yes. Oh, man. Oh, man. This story's so good. She's inveterate mope. There's no

changing her. You might be right, sir. I say sign. Well, Cis lavi, not everybody can be as happy as I am. Some years ago, I was much like a lease down, which, uh, my bear trip, by the way, is this is like, um, this is inside of like mother horse eyes world or whatever or one of the systems plugged in, which I think is the same thing, just in the future. Also, you said cess la vie, and it's say lavi. Is that bothering you? I just really respect the French language, so. No, you do not.

After you read Genesee, Po, the way that you did, absolutely not. Genes, we pass an Elie de Blah, blah, blah. Perfect, fluent. Fluent French rat talk. That almost sounds like you're trying to do a Jamaican accent, trying to pronounce a French accent. yeah say la v man there you go just in the minute

this is all like they're all Victorian England characters and then there's just like a modern Jamaican guy over there pretending to be a there's there's fucking Eddie from tech and hopping around the room what's wrong with her oh she stays in the corner of the room until I fall asleep, even though I sprinkle cuisine all over the bed.

I hope that soon we can sleep together like we used to. Yeah, I'm calling it. I was right about my cat theory. I think that that character's a cat. I've been lying in bed all day, weeping. All around the room, there are pictures of the very first Angelica, my darling girl. In the pictures, she's not sick. She's eating ice cream, learning to swim, playing cards.

I showed them to the new Angelica, but she couldn't understand. after all she's just a cat let's go I wish I would have said it sooner I wish I would have said sooner I was thinking it I was thinking it back at the end of the last story with the oily ones mentioned

but yeah all the stories where the characters talked about the oily ones that has been a cat he laughed because the first time he had heard him laugh like that well ever that didn't say much considering we had known one

another for less than a week but time seems to drag out after you have some freaky shit with someone matching tuxedos okay this is this is my bear trap this next line is my bear trap I nodded decisively with plaid bow ties you know why isa because you are this person that's why that's not a bear trap that's a mirror that's a news I'm introducing mirror. That's one of the worst things you've ever said to me on the show. What do you mean I'm this person? What do you mean?

Explain yourself right now. I'm propping up my mirror is what I'm saying. That's my new bear. How is that me? How? I could just, I could see anything matching tuxed and then you would have a plaid bow tie. I could see it in a heartbeat.

Don't you ever. Also, I feel like you've ever heard of more weddings than I've ever heard anyone ever go to. Yeah, because I got like 40 friends who I got married this year. And it's, I'm at my limit. They all get one.

If they get divorced, they're not going to the next one or whatever. I do. I do. I think that's only fair. You get one. You get one. That's our episode.

Thank you so much for watching us on YouTube, listening to us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, all that jazz. And of course, thank you to our awesome patrons who support the channel. Get a little extra kick back on the side for content.

And we will see you in the next one, guys. We'll see you in the next one. Also, I had one bear trap. I had none. That means I won that episode. I had one.

Or no, that was last story. the Jesus one oh that's Jesus in this one had one bear trap no that doesn't count you said that was a bear he you said it was a bear trap I've mockingly said it was a bear trap because the character says Jesus and you go Jesus oh wait Jesus and then the other character goes I don't think you could get him he did and you said well you kind of had a future bear trap and I was like that's I was being a little you know what you get half of one I'll give you that so that's one

it's a full rear back of a bear trap that's a locked leg in that bear no my perfect timing look at that What is... Light went out. Okay. I win. Bye. No.

All right. With that out of the way, are you ready to begin? Let's get it. Let us begin. If you could, cue the music. Ozzymandias by me. Oh.

Bear Trap. What is? this slide. They make this. Ooh, gotcha. That's a late bear trap for me not writing anything. Even on my story, I can't get away from you. Call your shots now.

What is this story about? What do you think the story's about? The title's Ozzymandius. Well, you said it was a Breaking Badden themed, but knowing you, it's going to be religious. Do what? It's going to have religious tones. I think it's going to be about an old man.

Okay. Hot or cold on that, take? Is there an old man in this? I'm not talking to you. Definitely a old old man. And I like to think that he's going to find some kind of obelisk, dare I say, Lovecraftian. And I think it's going to end with the old man.

I think he's going to get taken by a demon. All right. Well, we have... Where do we do it? You're dressed like a fairy. Hey, come on, man. Oh, cute. My wife shoved lipstick on my face for 30 minutes before the show.

All right. Not like that. All right. All right. Kathy was always thoughtful like that. And her empathy did not only belong with her wealth of soiled blankets. Whenever she wasn't home, she spent her time at church. Mickey Mouse Blanket

Mickey Mouse Blanket I'm 19 and I just got my driver's license I better put it in the passenger seat it's safer to drive that way my lips are very large That's funny to pray and just tell God, like, did you know my lips are big? I love you, God. The government of the time, many times more powerful than any chieftain of day, captured the hellhound.

They performed experiments, tried to understand where it channeled its energy from. progress was good it looked as though even the secret to immortality could be gained from this dog but accidents occur the betrayer as they call her who worked at the government facility felt sympathy for the god dog

whoa there you got honor look god dog he showed up or no you said dog god god god god god god god god god god god god god god or did i say no that's right that's right yeah you said good dog i think i think that's what you said to god god god Either way, they should bear a trap.

Yeah, yeah. Because as we know, this super 100-year-old dog would be called God Dog. Can't reply, taking the man's order. Wow. That sounds like a winner. You made the syrup? Well, yes.

You got a lot of talent. Okay, so the way this is going, she might actually get recruited by the CIA. Stop Jeff's the killer. You think so? That's what I feel like this is going. You got a lot of talent, kid. I am the one who knocks.

Jesse we have to cook Jane we have to cook Yeah Walter White and Jane You if you don't know who I am Then I would tread lightly Okay would you like the

pomegranate and syrup or the I'm not gonna go into Flynn's way to Jane went back into the kitchen To get the man's food prepared While he was waiting He fumbled with a button on his earpiece That was, man We found the perfect woman, sir

It's so hard to be so right All the time Clark, Elysses Yeah You're under arrest for vandalism And trespassing on private property The officers flanked him and pulled him to his feet I stared at the car

I stared at the cops and bewilderment. Clark's eyes were wide. When I went to copy your license, I checked it against our records. Last night, saw on cold and reporting so that you would, that you had been to their home and sprayed thief on their house and then attacked him when he came out to stop.

You just the idea of a cop like you go to a police station you're like this guy stole my identity he is they haven't mentioned the kidnapped girlfriend which is insane. He stole my identity. He stole it all of my money. He broke into our house and then it's like the cop's like weird. It looks like last night that same guy that they're saying did all this said these two were at his house. We better arrest them. It doesn't make it. Why would you also not? Why would you not also? Why would you also not lead with, hey, he's he's kidnapped my girlfriend. A person is kidnapped. He's kidnapped. He told me he kidnapped a woman. He holds him a gunpoint. And then the cop still like, were you at his

house last night? Uh, yeah. Okay. Arrested. Okay. Trestpassing's not a joke, young man. Look, you know what? If you trespassed to my house, I would kill your girlfriend too. All right? You ever think of that? I hung up the phone. I didn't want to talk to her about Katie because I was about to file her missing person report. I walked over to the reception desk.

I was just talking to an officer and then he arrested my friend and walked off. I need to talk to the officer on my other case about identity fraud. What case number? I'm I have nothing to say I was just talking to an officer and he arrested my friend anyway

I need to talk to the other officer I'll deal with that in a second excuse me ma'am oh you will invoke those who lurk at the threshold those unnamed blasphemies from the great outside and then my friend we are all ruined

God bless you that is the average text from Hunter at 3 in the morning that is just by what I do Isaiah I think I'm having a heart attack the pizza rose and whiskey I finally caught up with me

and the grim reaper is by my nightstand he chuckles and does fortnight dances at me the last It rolls in whiskey, it's such a depressing meal. He keeps telling me of a Chinese man that's haunting my dreams. I mean this in the best way.

And not you and Allison are a lovely couple. And I think you guys are never going to break up. But I mean, this was full sincerity. You have all the makings of a divorced father. Thank you. And the best way, like the humor, the jokes, the whiskey and pizza rolls dinner, it's like built into you. Also, what's that mean? Was that too far? No. That's fine. I think it's true. It is built in me. I consume it. And then it builds itself like little Legos. I wouldn't even say it's note-taking. Sometimes it feels like a direct like trying to almost conversation with

self in some weird way of like some i don't know i'm just saying i've done i'm curious if other people who are listening to this if if they've done something similar in some weird way yeah i've done i've done i've done strange stuff like that i've left pranks for myself before like i've been what does that even mean what do you i've been i've been old on old laptops and stuff like that and it'll be i've like found passwords that are like um or not passwords it'll be a document that's So I was like bank account passwords and I'm like, why did I have to save and I'll click on it? And it'll just be like a word doc that just says like idiot or something like that. Oh, I see.

I see. Like at some point years back, I was like, I'm going to leave a file that just says idiot. I'm going to title it something important. Just so years later I prank myself. Or prank somebody else stumbling upon the computer or something. Yes, but it's always myself. It's always me who is pranked by my own thing. And then you kick your feet and you giggle.

Yeah, and I'm like, I'm like setting on my bed doing this and like my feet are in the air. I'm going, yeah. Wow, I'm so funny. I'm so creative. Then you go to the bank and then they're like, hello, Mr. idiot. You're like, huh? What?

Your actual entire account is built on that name. I like call Kayla and I'm like, sweetie, what's going on? She's like, I don't know, idiot. What's happening? I don't know, you fucking idiot. What do you think's happening? Oh, no! It's like, end of my.

a twilight zone episode or so twilight zone episode or something like Rod Sterling walks in he's like an idiot in his own world yeah a complete and total fucking moron approaches and realizes that he has the dumbest fucking name imaginable he's so stupid he forgot he made his name idiot he's so fucking stupid that idiot fits the name of course this can only happen

in the twilight zone there's a real photo of a man with the ventriloquist dummy the scary part of the picture was that the man with the dummy had no mouth instead there was blood on his face where his mouth was supposed to be the dummy had fire in his eyes and an insane smile

I had to choke back some vomit after watching it it's just kind of funny they always do that where like you remember Squidward's suicide where they keep throwing up over and over it was so so like I had to throw up I was so grossed out

but all they described was there's a man with no mouth with a ventriloquist dummy with a ventriloquist dummy and the dummy's eyes are on fire he's like I'm gonna hurl and an insane smile don't forget the insane smile

of course and all of a sudden screaming of the fans stopped and when all four of them turned around to check all of the fans were on the ground burning to a crisp Paul clearly petrified asked What? What happened? So wait, hold on.

The screen cuts back and everyone's dead. Burning. Okay, yeah. Then the scene showed Ringo vomiting out red vomit with chunks of brown meat. Something caught my eye. I paused and look closely at the vomit and there's the face of Hitler. Oh, mine furor. No.

Oh! Oh, no. In the vomit. No, in the vomit. There was a picture of it. Wait, pause that? Rewind. Enhance.

Enhance. Oh, my. god I was somewhat shocked that a man who killed millions of people and soldiers was in a cartoon about the beetle it's like he's okay rap is that around this week like I would they make this where they give that guy free press that's not very the Beatles like Hitler mania was Nazi stuff I never do that that's weird your head did in the bottom

the whole time just forget about it John Sharpley shouted back but what about our fans oh don't give a fuck they censored it in the story because they're 14 and their mom would get mad

if they timed it out it's it's F star star K mom you can't get mad it's F star star K dude the next sentence I was shocked that this episode involves John St.

The F-Word. But I decided to continue on. Then Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong, sexy insect. What am I reading? Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong sexy insect flags. And there was a humongous safe

that was the size of an SUV. What am I reading? There's no tell. I feel like I'm being waterboarded. I'm kind of just like... Please make it stop. They didn't know what the combination was, but for some reason,

it wasn't locked up all the way. They opened it up and they found out John's secret. He was a Satanist. There was a dead body of a woman on a pinagram drawn in her blood. and her with her eyes gorged out. There were dead animals, a fan-made necronomicon, and goat skull on a pinagram. That is fucking scary.

I'm so scared right now. That is fucking freaky, man. Not the Beatles. Not John, no. In fear, George fell to the ground. Ball had to choke back vomit. Ringo ran over to the. the corpse and yelled out.

Ginny, mafayote, no! He then slumped to the ground, closing his eyes. Then Ringo started crying in a sad way. What? I was like, he, he, he. That's some crying, he's like, but he looked more sad, didn't he? Then the screen showed the view of the sun setting from John's legs. Screen immediately went to John's face that he had a mad expression in rapid moving mouth.

He had red in his left iris. His dick looked like it was ripped by a rabid raccoon. He had a noose around his neck. He was about to commit suicide. He shut his eyes and jumped. Hold on. I just want to say that this man was murdered in real life. Yeah, this is a guy.

This is the guy that got shot. Yeah. This is a man who was actually murdered in real life in broad daylight. And they're like, his dick was ripped off by a rabid raccoon and he hung himself. I mean,

you think about that. Yeah, he's a fucking Satanist. I like, they're just like besmirching this man's name. Yeah, wouldn't that be creepy? Wouldn't that be creepy

if you just did that? One pulled out a syringe trying to aim for Jane's neck, but Jane took, the needle and stabbed the doctor between the eyes and injected an air bubble into him. Two guards with automatic weapons tried to fire at Jane, but she grabbed

both of their arms, causing them to fire at each other. One agent fired at Jane, but the bullet didn't phase her a bit. The wound automatically and quickly healed up. She's Wolverine. She's literally Wolverine. Your bones, Jane.

The maid of the strongest metal. She's like in there like Using her karate She learned from Sheriff. Thank you, Sheriff Nick. No problem, son. No problem. Thank you, Sense. She approached the Asian

Who was still firing multiple shots at Jane And snapped his wrist in two. They spelled it, I-N-T-O, not into two, snapped his wrist into one. We'll never know. Showing fractured bones and blood. spurting everywhere. An orderly standing in at six foot five, three hundred plus pounds, tackled Jane, attempting to subdue her. But Jane had the upper hand,

of course, leapt him over on his side and snapped him neck into. He snapped me neck in two. Like you. The cry was not. as expected. It's merely a hick, a gas choking. I caught a glimpse of the baby before

the nurses rushed him out of the room. His spine bent as if a string yanked the back of his head to his heels. His torso, is that funny, Hunter? It's kind of weird Chinese finger trap baby. That's not right. If I was the doctor

delivering it, well, that's not right. the first thing I said. Okay, sorry, go ahead. Guys, just insane, like a child with a birth defect. Quote, Chinese finger trap, baby. Come on, man. It kind of makes sense, right?

When you have to push it together, it's like a contorted and it doesn't matter. I understand what you meant, sure. Yeah. I processed it. It was the choice of words. I am not doing right. I am not doing right by the Asian community

with this episode so far. No. No. You are. And I apologize for that. I apologize. I have his address if anyone wants it. I'll sell it for $14. That is so cheap. I know. Yeah. It's to send a message. His torso was a stump compared to the ski pole limbs attached and the eyes. Bulging from his skull. They clung to their sockets like balloons inflated in a roll of duct tape. It looks like a little Brian Pepper's popping out, doesn't it?

Was that his name? It's not funny. Do you remember Brian Peppers? Does that not sound like the image of him? I remember Brian Peppers, yeah. But when I read that, just because of how like the language was kind of literal for a while, that it got like very,

um, figurative. So I imagine like there's literally two balloons taped to the kids head. So it was a stump. Like the doctor turned around and was like, to-da, and he, like, made a balloon animal on his head. Yeah, let me tell you, this is, he should not look like this. Yeah.

Like, oh, how'd that happen? He's like hurriedly tying up like a poodle balloon animal behind him. Yeah, big clown nose. Tied it up. What do you think of that? It's a sword. That would be you as a doctor. Yeah, I know.

Looks like a Tommy gun. Balloon gun here, huh? Just kidding. Your kid's dead. silence was somehow more eerie than the threat of the whistlers ira felt it too it's about 15 minutes after dark he stood up and started whooping and whistling out into the rain calling and screaming in a tone that didn't sound like him nope okay i think you need i think you need to shoot ira i think you need to get rid of that you need to pull a little yeah pull little fucking

of mice of men on them or whatever the fucker or or grapes of wrath, whichever one it is where they shoot the guy at the end. Mice of men, my son men. Give him a rabbit and pull the trigger. That's all I got to say. The thing of the rabbits, Lenny. I think, uh, I like her explanation for it is like, huh, the, the dark's kind of eerie.

I guess Ira feels kind of eerie too. Yeah. Sittery and he's, well, he sure is scared. Poor kid. What I was going to kill him. I'd kill him who doesn't speak anymore. just mumbles to himself yeah you want to bark boy you'll go out there and start barking ruse hir what is it whatever you do don't fuck bill or i'll go crazy

yeah i know a problem yeah yeah with a lot of uncertainty here Bill's like Oh, they'd hear about us fucking Yeah, Bill, no! And that's what he gets up. And just dead sprints off the woods. Yeah, yeah. How life is different for some people like that.

Like, I remember when I was reading House of Leaves, in the intro, it talks about like, uh, the police are investigating a apartment building that someone died in. Um, and they're like at first, the police had questions as, to why

none of the what was it nothing in the house had labels the light in the fridge was out stuff like that it's like oh he was blind and it's like oh yeah

I guess you wouldn't need the light bulb in the refrigerator it would take a lot more for me to make that delineation I think there were more layers than that actually hold on man you're really putting you're really

selling house of leaves is a real crime thriller here. I mean, they went in and the fridge didn't have a light bulb, so put two and two together. He's blind. It's not a crime. Wow.

I feel like I'm listening to Jody Foster and Sons of the Lambs right now. That's impressive, man. Wow. That fridge out there, I've had the light go out there, but everyone just leaves it because they're like, well, it's a garage fridge, who cares?

It is possible. for the light bulb to go out of a fridge. Yeah, but that's a blind person's house. That happens to. So you would never know. So you would never know. That's true. Okay.

Hey, if you guys are listening to this, this enthralling episode of a cat and mouse, listen to it on Spotify. We appreciate you. I really, and I got, and I got to tell you too, we really need a, this needs to be a strong story.

Last week, I've been seeing the people, our viewers are revolting against us we need a we need a strong one here if you didn't enjoy that then I don't know who you are

because I was having you're me you're me you're him you get you didn't enjoy that you were me and you didn't know that fridge's light bulbs

could go out that's you that's what you sound like God my stomach hurts today fuck it's true well I'm just letting you know I've been drinking this chocolate milk. I think it's spoiled. I think it's gone bad.

Are you still drinking it? I mean, it's almost done. I feel bad if I just dump it out. If it's bad, throw it out. You and Kayla are the same way. She will eat rotten food because she's like, I don't want to be wasteful. It's like, it's already gone to waste. This is, this is definitely. It's, it's almost, uh, it's like a Greek tragedy. I'm like, it's like Eipus Rex or something. I'm looking at this and it's resembling the last bit of chocolate milk in the bottom of the chateau local milk bottle is, uh, it looks like the diarrhea. It's going to be in my toilet later.

That's what it feels like. Okay, can we go to this story before you say something else I don't like? Mmm. Sour like a warhead. Yep, let's do it. Milk should not be. Okay, actually, I'm going to step right here to my mini fridge. I'm going to grab a drink.

So one sec. You pull on a giant, a giant bottle of vodka. All right. I was actually sitting here listening to see if you had. anything snarky to say and you did so you failed i thought i thought you could hear me i was obviously talking to you and that time i got up actually to get the drink so i tricked you twice you're a sick fuck that's very house of leaves of you okay shut up that's an amazing book well i'm just saying that like brilliant cat and mouse game you're playing with me it reminded me

of my favorite horror crime novella what are you talking about cats and mouse game. This cat and mouse. That's what all crime throws are. You're trying to catch the perp. When they go in, they're like, how exactly... Okay, but that's not about catching a perp.

What I was reading is the opening the house of leaves. That has nothing to do. No, no, no. The cat asks, if he's blind, how did he write on the wall? And then the mouse does, you'll have to find out. Cat and mouse.

Okay. All right, let's get into it. Okay, let's get into it. The whole idea of like being you're waking up at 60 and they're like, it's kind of early at 6. She's kind of groggy. And then she's like, I think someone's in my house.

I feel like you'd be like, what? What the fuck? That's weird. Like I think she was giving off normal vibes. And then even when she's like, well, I'll just call in and say,

I'm going to be late and I'll swing by. Like it's very receptive. And then all of a sudden, do you have a key? No. It's like very short answered before it was very ever flowing. So I don't know. There might be something there.

That's interesting. I think you're right, though, there's definitely a tonal shift on purpose. there. No matter what the one thing's for certain is that that chock of milk is work. I mean, like I am having to hold everything in right now. Go ahead. You can, you can run to the bathroom. No, I want to see. I'm kind of hooked right now. On scene, if you can hold it in or the story? The story. Maybe both. What would happen if you just violently? If I had a violent diarrhea in my pants,

I would show the audience. I would show you the back of my legs and everything. Okay. But I want to, I I want to know what happens. Okay. All right. If that, if that milk gets too bad, you need to let me know. I'll switch to mobile and I'll record that way.

Okay. All right. I hung up. I hung up. I'm imagining now that like the camera is cutting back and forth between my normal setup and you like in a dark bathroom with the phone right under your chin and light, you can just hear very loud toilet noises.

I don't want to come to. that please read look if you don't groove through that portal stuff they're probably just kill you and take your place the next time you return home you will have figured that out yeah so the only logical solution is to never go home and fireball in the house yeah so basically he's just saying if you go back you're going to die 100% if you go back this thing is certainly going to kill you yeah there's no question all right are you ready for the final part oh boy I'm ready how are we doing milk boy you ready can you do it i'm so stoked i can't wait to have a diarrhea after this it's gonna be awesome isn't it and then while you're doing it you can think about a hunter a spider

hunter right behind you yeah a gangly spider hunter who's learning how to have diarrhea yeah he's like taking all of his uh sour milk and drinking it profusely and he's just like oh up in the corner oh yeah oh oh no my first time bud Yeah, Hunter just makes friends with it. Yeah, I'm like, you're right, but you want some more sour milk? This big nasty cicada person. Yeah. No, I don't want it to be a sour milk.

I'm like fucking pussy. Drink it. All right. Last public part. I'm stoked. If you guys haven't noticed yet, you should 100% sign up for this coffee and read more of this story. Yeah. This is great.

I think Emma Watson, but Dumber has proven herself quite well. If I do say so by self. Very stoked. She glances at the exit and grabs her purse. Wait, Paulina, hear me out for a second. Please. She stands up.

I follow a suit, reaching for her shoulder. Polita, I won't see anything. I swear. Bell above the Exeter, Jingles is a swing shut behind her. You dumb son of a bitch. Yeah. She murdered her husband and children, Hunter.

It's Paulita, though. dude. This is, this isn't just like a cute, the cute mom next door. This is like she killed her kids. Pauline, please. Please love your next. She is a black widow. She's going to eat you next. Oh, here she comes. Watch out boy. She'll chew you. She's a man eater watching and waiting. I love that song. Watching and we didn't mean you sing that at karaoke. I think so. We definitely. We definitely say some hall notes for sure. We did.

I know there was that one. There was definitely out of touch. I know. Yeah. You're around of touch. I'm out of time. My head when you're not around. Yeah.

Anyway, you know what? With the mention of hollow notes, I'm back in. Yeah, exactly. See, Paulina is back in. I was like she murdered her family. But then you brought up man eater. I'm like, well, you know what, maybe, maybe there are fate's worse. I can see you watching in the night, come along with me, I'm waiting for the sunlight.

When I feel cold, you warm me. And when I feel I can't go on, I come and pull you. because it's you and me forever. Sarah, smile. That's what I love Sarah. Smile. That's a good one too. That was a good one.

You are such a good singer. It's frustrating. Little girl turned around and to my surprise, didn't flinch at all at King Creole's appearance. In fact, she had stars in her eyes when she saw him. Are you the wish man? She asked quickly and excitedly. excitedly why I do believe I am he responded after a chuckle in a smile this

mile was different than the one he usually wore is hunter no no no also the voice that I'm doing I'm imagining that the girl is gypsy rose by the way so just keep that in mind keep that in your mental your mind is like gypsy rose and how when she was sick. Yeah. I don't care. Either one of them. I wish my mom was back.

Yeah. I'm just going to roll over that one. Yeah. We can, we can cut that one out. No, we're not cutting it. I just want it. I know you're not going to. I just want it. I just want it to be known that I didn't participate when you did that. But I think you're the part of what you've said should be left in. All right.

His normal smile always gave off an air of creepy judgment. Like someone knowing the person they were talking to was inferior. But a smile this time seemed genuine. Can you grant me a wish? I'm just thinking about chips. right you killed it immediately livia looked like she was holding back to floodgates they finally broke as she started crying and hiccabing using her free arm to wipe her face as she cried but she managed to blurt out an answer to creole my mommy gypsy

why is that so funny and i forgot what you had set up a moment ago you see literally king creole is going to be the fucking online person she met that she starts having sex with and she's like yeah king creole you should go and stab my mom 35 times step step my mom i think for one i think king creole is going to do that anyway yeah Yeah, 100%. I think that's where this is going. Yeah. As if on cue, the front door slammed open, nearly breaking a shelf near it as a woman came

into the shop. I could tell she was Olivia's mother by the resemblance of her to her crying daughter. Olivia! What the hell are you doing in this place? Is her mom scary, Carrie? Her mom's gypsy's mom. Yeah. I'm a dainty little princess.

Big old girl. Big old woman. Olivia. she shouldn't have left where I told her to stay woman spat my boss's face I could smell the alcohol on her from here fingers I'm not paying for whatever she has for Olivia get your ass over here get the car she screamed you have ruined this entire dynamic no it's good because no it's your fault because now in my head it's the voodoo man from princess and the frog standing next to a man dressed as a prostitute as gypsy rose towers behind him and gypsy

Rose's mother is yelling like the gaggle the incomprehensible gaggle I need you to help me in the incomprehensible gaggle of people in this store is completely throwing off and get her away from me she's a bad woman Stop with that voice. What? It's me. Hello. Reaching out, he took the correct doll and brushed it off, blowing on it and sending the dust into the mother's face, sending her on a coffin fit.

Ha! I smiled at that. I'm sorry. Mom. I smiled at that. Seeing my boss stand up for this poor girl. This poor little gypsy Rose. Miss Gypsy Rose.

Let's not, no, don't. Okay, okay, okay, okay. That's where I draw the life. That's where I draw the life. God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. Little Miss, innocent, Gypsy Rose. Rewriding the names of characters within the story to fit your sick little game.

Little Miss innocent, Metal tooth, mouth, gypsy room. Now, okay, Missile. Miss Olivia. Miss Olivia. When she walked into the store, she was immediately greeted with her host bouncing in excitement. Yay! You're here!

You're here! I've been waiting all day! Is that good? Is that... Does that sound like my little pony? It is... It is haunting. Come on.

Well, you know what? How close that is. How close? How close that is? Do your gypsy rose impression? The most knowledge I have of my little pony is the Jenny Nicholson video about it. So I know that like, I know that like the actor, the voice, all the voice actors and actresses are like serious voice actors and actresses. So I imagine.

Pinky Pye's voice doesn't sound, you know, I'm not going to look at it. So are you saying, should I make it more straight instead of being so bubbly? Um, yeah, I, I realistically, yes, but for the sake of what we're doing today here, let let me literally let me try as well, just leave it as chips and rose. You're here. You're here. I've been waiting all day. That's probably about right.

Yeah. Is Rainbow Dash a guy or a girl or is that? Um, I want. I want to say a girl, hold on, is rain, but my search history right now. Step 2. Turn off all the lights in the house. Go to your front door, which must be wooden, and place the paper with your name on it in front of it. Now, take the candle and light it.

Place the candle on top of the paper with your name. Step 3. Knock on your own door 22 times. The hour must be 12 a.m. upon the final knock. Then open the door, blow out the candle, and close the door. You have just allowed the midnight man into your house. Just like, sorry, I did not expect the midnight man. I'm sorry.

You just allowed the midnight man into your house. That does read kind of funny. It's like, yeah, the midnight game, whatever. All of a sudden it's like, knock on the door, 22 times. blood the candle you just invited the midnight man at your house congratulations what you know it is funny because i remember reading it because i would have been like 10 or 11 when i heard this the first time and i just remember like reading that line just getting scared out of my mind what does the midnight man look like to you well that that's the thing it could be anything

no i mean like whenever you do you remember like a shadow man like a like a hat man kind of figure like a void right thing yeah yeah the look on my face was pure incredulity despite the evidence your father the diligent soldier he was came to me and reported what he had been told we couldn't allow that so we scoured ancient text and we found a way to the trap and we found a way to trap gabriel Dude, they looked at some like old scrolls. They saw a giant butterfly net. Of course. It's like the dad went and stood underneath.

The dad went and stood underneath a giant cardboard box with a stick propping it up. I'm just like, oh, Gabriel, I can't hear you. Can't come over here. I didn't you be closer. There's nothing. Just come here. You guys told me. Hold on right next to the box.

They have a giant spinning, frying pan. As soon as the box drops just, teat, teat, teat, do, go to sleep,

go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. So we, so we, so we, scoured ancient text and we found a way to trap Gabriel

I tried to see who it was from my limited movement Clark's face appeared over the fence that's my cue to leave it's been good catching up with you Xander okay the author has to know right

yeah yeah we're I mean you're 100% right we are in green goblin territory for sure yeah yeah like writing stuff like that's my cue to leave That's my cue to leave. Yeah. It's very plainly for fun.

Yeah. I mean, this makes me think it's definitely, uh, like anime inspired kind of stuff. Like, hmm, well, I guess that's my cue to leave. And he like pushes up his glasses. And he like teleports away in a cloud of smoke. Only fools are heroes. Yeah, only fool's are heroes, Xander. Pick aside, Spider-Man.

Invest into Bitcoin, Spider-Man. Blockchain. Yeah, it's the blockchain. Spider-Man, Ethereum's more practical, but Bitcoin's more profitable. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Get out of here. Oh, man. I'm, you know what?

I'm sorry. I was wrong to this story to take it seriously in the beginning. This is fun. I'm having a good time. They're called NFTs, Andrew. And once we get Haley well-charges. plan will be complete. I just drew you and Hilly Wills

for making sweet love and sold it on the NFT market. But how could you? Some people consider this fine art. Okay. All right. Once he finished opening the last gift

from the family member, the clown walked up to Jake and handed him the gift bag. He had been carrying around the entire party. Washington Jake's mom tried to stop the clown from handing Jake the gift while my uncle held what it's just funny like no no the uncle's holder back and the jigs are like oh cool a present you fucking run kid

god what the fuck I mean 10 they should know something's up 10 years old is your mom like no and uncles like holding her back whatever he's like cool thank you for the gift fucking idiot what the fuck that would be you as a kid oh my god's sweet yeah it's just yeah your mom's super hungry thank you your mom's crying and you're like what's your problem exactly by would you shut the fuck up i'm eating candy burgers jesus the fuck's your problem dude okay

We all watched his shake, thank the clown, and opened the gift bag. Taking out handfuls of tissue paper until he reached in and pulled out the gift. It's a book. I saw his mom sign relief. Jake turned the book over in his hands looking at it. It was a small hard car. I just laughing if the bomb was, if the book was like a bomb. Yeah.

Just blew his face. Oh my God. Just kills everyone in the party. Like, oh, thank you for the bomb. he paused beside her eyes turned upward to the dreadful cloud swallowed the entire skyline hiding stars moon alike quite the view what can i do for you jonas she asked her tone clipped unwilling to indulge small talk i mean to be fair well yeah quite the view it's like why don't you fuck off and what do you not see this thing coming towards us exactly it's like that would piss me off so bad this thing's like eating

it's consuming the top half of the planet. Everyone can hear it in their skull. And then a guy from the Department of Adonelous Phenomena Kicks open the door and says, I need to talk with you. Quite the view up here. Quite the deal. Might as well make a little bit of lighthearted. The, uh, what department is he in?

Oh, anomalous. I don't know why. I thought you said McDonald's Phenomena. What the fuck? I'm sorry. It will be obese brain. Ronald McDonough comes in. Yeah, the secret.

The only way to stop this cloud is to give it a cheeseburger. That would actually be way more terrifying. If she's on top of the roof and she turns around and through the little wireglass, you can just see Ronald. Quite a view up here. I need to talk to you. Why does he sound like kicks open? what does ronald sound like does he have a voice i don't think he's ever spoke i think that if he speaks

uh every his his voice is so low that if he speaks children shit their pants that's what happens so he has to remain quiet does he ever speak in the media that hamburgler wishes everything he touches would turn to mcdonnell's cheeseburger what would what would ronald have to say i swear i've heard him speak this burger's tasty that's what the ronald's no no i've heard that in every video is just smiling and like a mime he's like do there's like one i feel like there was like an ad campaign where he's like just giving the shush sign and i was like what the fuck yeah i know right you're in the play place between us now you're in the playplace crawling around

you're in the play place crawl also i love the rock rocker rock reference the uh that's where i've heard that that's what you're thinking of that's it that's that's what it's what he's there bill is that angry jacks billy what the fuck Don't tell me to fucking calm down. Starts beating the shit out of the kid. What the fuck are you looking at? Jackson. Yeah.

That's so good. What are you there, Billy? Yeah. I got something to say, Billy. All right. Obviously, it's not. It's not McDonald's. Right.

All right. Even though I kind of wish it was. Note for the author. Maybe include Ronald McDonald. I don't know. The author should have had Ronald McDonald's. but specifically the rock rocker rock version of Ronald McDonald. Jonah enters the room and sets down his Blu-ray copy of the founder on the table.

You're going to want to see this. This will tell us everything. Okay. People stop and stare at them compulsively. Pupils dilate him while their clouded mind registered. God only knows. A lot of people say the exact same thing. in the same exact tone and rhythm every single time.

That sounds good enough to eat. That would drive me fucking insane, by the way. If everyone did that, imagine it. You're like, hey, Carl, how you doing? That sounds good enough to eat. I'd tell you. I would go to the nearest store, buy a rope, and do what you know I'm going to do.

All right. do you remember that time we were at the Mexican restaurant outside and you got attacked by a bunch of flies? Why even why even bring that? What where the fuck did that come from?

We were thinking about food and knew what you would do. I just get to. Okay, they were vicious flies. I know that doesn't sound very threatening but it felt like an orchestrated attack, okay? Hold on, I have to tell it for my perspective. I have to say what happened.

there were like six of us at a table and I was across from Hunter and like it started out like one fly got near him and he swatted we were outside on a patio one fly got near him he swatted at it and then two more got near him and then shut the fuck on who cares and then there's a few on and he's like what the what is going on and then someone down the table says something so I turn my head and as I'm watching the person who's talking I get you not like

like 30 fly I don't know if there was a there must have been a fucking dead dog because I sat there I was swat him and I said what the fuck like that I've never been so sure

that I was having a heart attack I was like they smell death on me like there there's all that this is what death it feels like is flies flying around you at this. I was looking at the person who was talking and I saw them cut like above the building of the restaurant and in my head I'm like, surely they're not going to go towards Hunter. And then they all beeline and they like Hunter's out of my view, but they all go that way. And I hear Hunter go, oh my God.

Oh my God. I mean it was, it felt completely right. felt orchestrated from these creatures that don't have any fucking brain function I was like how did they fly talk to each other

to plan this attack also what did I even do what the fuck did I even do and I was I was tried to be respectful to whoever was talking so I didn't look right away but when I turned a second later

he had leaned over in his chair to pick something up but it looked like he was gone the flies took me They all grabbed onto my shirt, and I was like, ah, they just got, like, flown away. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha! Like that.

Uh, that was great. The flies were a paid actor. That was incredible. Anyway, we can go back to the story now. I just need to share that. That sounds good enough to eat. What is the date today? Flipping the page gave a response that ate away at my curiosity again.

The next page was filled with what looked to be a series of shame. tapes to lines being made up of the same characters at the start of the book in the language I did not understand buddy that's the only question that's the wrong you ask a question and it's just like yeah if you fucking if you fucking ask a question and then the stupid as Pokemon that are like weird hieroglyphics whatever start floating around you know you're fucked dude yeah well I better ask him something straight up and he just responds back with like oh not that's such a funny way

to describe like non-Euclidean geometry like oh no the Pokemon again you know what you know which Pokemon I'm talking about what the fuck were those called Oregon is that what you're talking about the one that's like made up shapes the digital one I thought you were just referring to like

the demon was drawing in like ununderstood hieroglyphics and like geometry and you're like oh yeah the Pokemon line. No, no, no, no, it's this. Look here, I'm posting it in the, uh, I'll sit it to on. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know Pokemon enough to know, but I remember when I was younger, these guys were in there. I'm saying these little motherfuckers. Oh, are those Pokemon? Yeah. The ones that are just shape, I mean, we'll show a picture, but I don't know what

you call those. I don't know what they're fucking I see. I that, they do kind of look like that, don't they? Yeah. That's not a bad. That's not a bad guess. Uh, are they just called unknown they might just be called unknown uh oh that's the wrong question bad decision mark oh you ask what's the day and it start because it's not going by like the gregorian calendar or the julian calendar or whatever it's just like pulling you straight back from time this happened for about 30 seconds and whatever was in that remaining 30 seconds i haven't been able to get a sliver of information about from a security guard working under me who was making rounds outside of that

room. I was told that after the last frame the employee stumbled out of the room with pale skin saying, Real suffering is not known. Seven times before speedily taking the guards pistol and off. You watched a night.

1930s making mouse cartoon. Real suffering does not know. There's not no. I like to think that he like put his hand over his mouth threw up the fucking vomit went everywhere. And he's like, and grab the guy's gun. Photo realistic vomit all over him. Also see your child's face ripped apart like that.

My God. Yeah. And like the woman and her get dragged down beneath the dogs. And like they get ripped apart by everything and become a, part of the flesh and you know the flesh is going to be reused to grow the dog scape so all you've done is just help the dog scape man the mounds are so brutal they're so gross and it's uh uh i mean that that entry was rough but ha rough uh that entry was rough but it certainly got its point across you know yeah how rough how awful it was horrifying

horrifying world yeah so are you okay i just the rough thing just said i feel like i've been hit by a car from the last couple seconds of you just stopped you're welcome uh so i'll say immediately looking at this next century i already don't like it the direction it's going from the first couple sentences not a fan charles yelled splashy water in my direction as he was ankle deepen it. A few feet away from where it dropped off into the deeper waters. I smiled shaking my head as I adjusted my legs to make myself more comfortable. Now, I'll be the one to drive you guys to the hospital when you get hypothermia. No, nah, I'll be the one to drive you guys to hospital when you get hypothermia. Nah, I'll be the one to drive you guys to the hospital when you get hypothermia.

nah I'll be the one to drive you guys the hospital when you get hypothermia nah it's cool I'll be the one to drive you guys the hospital when you get hypotheria I yelled back

to which I could see his eyes roll from there hearing your friends say the same thing four times four times. Ah, we can't have that. Joseph called waiting back to where I was. I command the birthday boy to get hypothermia with the rest of us. Joseph said smirking as he approached me. Gosh, this story is not. I'll be the one to drive you guys to the hospital when you get hypothermia. I felt a trickle of unease as he approached me.

no no i'll be the one to try you guys the hospital in yorkman hey joseph seriously you got back up man that trickle is it's going down my back i'm trickling down i'm trickling down the side of my leg right now my legs are getting real trickled right now i stood up to move away but just then he swooped down and picked me up over his shoulder well all right just give me a little flustered just like you're just like your dad just what are you know just what are you talking about you say my name again put me down joseph put me down I remember Joseph I'm the one that drives you to the hospital

Nah Nah I'll drive you to hospital Jesus Stop saying that You're Remind me of your Yeah

I guess he is a spitting image of me huh there's just way too many like character stereotypes being mentioned back to back it's it's begging us to do something to make fun of it I smiled a tired but genuine smile true I wanted to thank you anyway oh then you're welcome anyway I laughed but it came off more of a hof. Nah.

There really should be a word. Nah. I'll take you to the hospital once you get out of there. I'm the one driving you to the hospital. Yeah, yeah, baby on its comeback. Let's go. That's not. Avery's eyes flashed to mine briefly as he started to rip off another piece of fabric.

What? My name is, it's not Charles. It's not. Charles, I'm taking the hospital to hypotheria. What are you talking about? Now let me get you, before we move into a package-marked return to sender, I had this aunt I lived with whenever I first moved to California. She lived in this retirement community in a town that I won't say.

I mean, I just did not give specifics. But she did live in California. She had a bird, like a parrot in her house that would talk to her. Right. And I always thought was weird as she clipped the wings so it couldn't fly away. And I remember asking her, I was like, that's like, that's the most fucking torturous thing I've ever heard in my life, clipping a bird's wings. And it's just like, cool, I got to walk around. That's what birds are known for. You know what I mean? so then she's like oh it's not a big deal it happens so people do it all the time you know whatever and she basically made it assinuate that she's just like you know i i i'm letting i'm letting my animal do what it wants to hang out inside so i'm doing that and i'm like okay so that's cool it wants to hang out inside so i'm going to cripple it that's a that's a fun way to look at

it so to deviate from that because that this is where it gets a little spicy is we don't even talk about the bird at all one night i come home once again i mind you she's in a retirement community. I come home. She's watching America Ninja Warrior in the living room. And her dog is licking her feet, like, obsessively, like, whatever. And I was like, uh, what, uh, what are you doing? She's like, I'm just watching American Ninja Warrior.

And I mean, that little motherfucker is going at those piggys like crazy. Her feet are glistening. Like, it's just been like, licking at it forever. And I kind of sit down because, I mean, it's, it's a, it's a, horn it's like obscene it's like watching a car wreck and i was like you uh you just letting them kind of go at your feet she's like yeah i just let it my animals do whatever they want and it was a weird parallel where it was the same thing with the parrot right i'm lazy i'm letting this is what he wants i'm so i clipped his wings so my ass was thinking i'm like did this

crazy crazy old fucking woman lather her feet up in some kind of like i don't know coconut oil honey or fucking peanut butter and she's just like you want to lick my feet you like it you know what i mean so anyways the whole thing was i've like every afternoon she would sit there and she would uh watch american ninja warrior and then that dog would come up and lick its liquor feet for like hours like i mean like a long time are you done yeah i guess I thought that might be that whenever I heard said parrot, it may remember just reminded me of that. So sorry.

I don't mean it repeated over and over again and I couldn't turn it off like some technical difficulty. It simply never ended. I even remember the song. It was Unchained melody. And I knew as I like from Fleetwood back. Unchained melody, I think from Elvis and shit. Oh my love. That's right, yeah.

My darling, I hunger for your touch. Are you still mine? I need your love. I need your love. God speed your love. to me that one okay

which also is a cover I'm pretty sure unchained melody and preacher is also a cover of I don't know who did the original one it was the righteous brothers righteous brothers okay well I didn't mean to

set you off that question I don't know what song I was thinking of. Is it the chain? Is that the Fleetwood Mac one about? You don't love me now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't see it.

Don't, don't, don't, don't. I didn't mean to do it. No. We're in part one. We have to have some semblance of respect for the story. Benny. I don't. The only reason you're here is because you're going to bark at people who come to the door.

Woof. If you're left down, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to interact with you. I don't like you. go somewhere else okay part three after another dozen hours or so dozen hours

he's been on he's been so I want to say he's been on this plane for like 50 hours I just want to say that yes yeah several days at this point at what point are you like you know what take me just fucking take yeah exactly

I'm not going to do live on a plane forever fuck this yeah I'll live back here and hide in this bathroom that'll be a good way to not die because I guess you can't die if you're already dead what do you

you do, Hunter? You're sitting back there and you're looking there's flight attendants and there's the devil in a black robe at the front of the plane. I'd probably like goofed. I fucked up. You just what I do.

You're just like, oh, me? I, uh, I flew to, uh, I flew to, uh, I flew to Japan and that was like a 13 hour flight. The thought of being on an airplane for 37 more hours, like I would, I would just open the I would open the latch and I would jump that's what I also what am I

going to I mean like what am I going to hide do you think you're hiding on a plane there's fuck you're in the back bathroom you're not hiding there anything like the whole idea on the door the whole idea of the guy be like would they remember me yeah they probably fucking would they've seen you here in the bathroom they know where the bathroom yeah exactly the woman screamed your name they pulled her through to give her to the devil i wonder if they remember that i'm here yeah am i wrong no no i mean i mean yeah there's not really i don't know i don't know what else he can do in the situation though other than die or just stay there right die die okay all right well

you know fair enough my stepmother's car was usually kept inside the garage since it was a newer vehicle. The house itself was fairly big. It was two stories with all white siding that made up its exterior. It had burgundy shutters to accompany each window and a decent size porch with a bench on it. After parking my car and

walking up to the door, I could already see the screen door closed to allow the cool air to run through. The aroma of bacon and it... What the fuck is so funny? What the fuck are you? What the fuck you giggling about? I'm sorry. God, after my car

Bart. Yes. Yes. I'm just the fucking daughter. I'm laughing. He smoked bacon. It's been so detailed every layer of it. And when it started mentioning Mr. Harris in a jumpsuit, I'm like, oh, is that guy

like, like, I wonder if that guy's going to show up later as a killer or something. So then as I'm reading like the description of the house and bacon, I just started thinking how funny it would be if Mr. Harris just. printed down the street just beat him to death in the middle it's a completely normal day even you're saying that makes you think of that fucking scene and get out where the guys like running straight out of him in the woods whatever yes that's exactly what yeah where he's just sprinting full speed you get it yeah he's just like oh the aroma of bacon the beautiful old says he has a cast he has a castor and skill to bacon and eggs

breakfast like the narrator's just like I'm happy to see mom again and you just hear like the sidewalk anyway yeah I had to get that out

the more ideal like the scene gets the funnier the bit got in my head the aroma of bacon and eggs filtered outward along with the sounds of talking and moving around Despite, despite still, I'm sorry, I've, I need to get this giggle fit out of my system. Despite still having a key to the place, I ring the doorbell. Instantly, I heard, just take a, take, take a fucking minute to laugh.

Just take one fucking discounted 60 and laugh. No, no, listen, what, when I read, I heard my, I saw the word footsteps in the next line. So now it's like maybe he is about to come sprinting down the street. Look, I'm going to be honest, man, about the AC in my office isn't working. It's like 85 degrees in here. I'm hot. I'm dehydrated. I'm losing my mind.

I'll tell you what they get a wet, get a wet fucking towel, a cold wet towel and a glass of water and caught the fuck down because you're, you're fucking insane who you're freaking me out. the real creepy posited day is like being on a discord call with somebody that has a little giggle fit and even you saying giggle fit I was like what in the hell I gotta get I gotta get this giggle fit

out of here okay do I sound like hank you guys like bill dotroove to me Hank Bill Bill dotreve to me Bill dotree oh but his buddy his buddy on King of the Hill that's right sorry Hank I got the giggle I got the giggle fits also I would have been funny if you said giggle shits

you ever you ever last really hard while you're shit and then you fart and it goes in rhythm with your uh with your laugh well thank you for saying that immediately got rid of anything i found funny well i had diarrhea one time and that happened and it was like literally like a water fight with my ass go here we go okay is that it is that mercifully short yes story i grab my duffel bag and followed kimber out quietly closing the door behind me come on now samuel don't make us come coming to this crack date after you. Come out real nice and obedient so we can bring you to your daddy.

He's really looking forward to seeing you. He wants to spend some quality father and son time. I like how even the deputies are comically evil. Oh, yeah, it's just like, hey, he wants, hey, and he wants to spend some real quality time with his son. I mean, to be fair, they are helping run a child sex trafficking ring. So I guess there's no level. I mean, I imagine them all with. extremely long pencil-thin mustache.

That curl. Don't make us come in that crack dead, Samuel. Yeah, that's excellent. You're going to fall right into a trap. And don't worry about the comically large mouse trap outside your door. There's a big box and stick. Yeah, I bet you're hungry for being in that cracked in so long. Why don't you grab that nice big piece of cheese?

we're going to put him in you're going to put him make him get the cheese and then he'll be in Schrodinger's box with the cat and cheese well everything is going according to plan

isn't that right sir and everyone's doing it too yeah yeah it's excellent also this guy like we said he rules he's into goth chicks with huge milky tits and fish nets and he's looking up fucking spells online

and then he meets a girl name Angelica, literally an angel. All right. This guy's cool. Let's get into it. I like this guy. Did I write this? Was I?

Am I Jared Roberts? He does. I know. Okay. I'm not just coping because I said that he was attractive earlier. But he has like my complexion and long black hair. So maybe this is like a bizarre. Me and him could get along, I think.

Me and Jared could be friends. I love how I love that you slipped in that he looks like you. you're like he's the most attractive men I've ever seen and then you slip I did not okay for one that's not at all and then you're like you know what he looks man and I'm like we have similar style is what I'm saying it looks just like me we have similar style all right is what I'm saying okay I'm just saying that I like this guy all right all right and he might I add has yet to send me a picture of him naked after telling me him and his wife were in a car crash well I like to keep you on your toes a little bit okay her friend said she didn't think it was cool to be hacking Angelica's account

or if this was her brother to knock it off. Jelika swore was her and her friend replied I know you're not Angelica because Angelica's sitting right here with me. Oh God, dude. God.

Whoa. God. You know, I know when one of these stories is good. I know when it's getting me because I suddenly become aware of the door to my office just off to my right. Like I just start thinking about it. You're going to find like a clone of yourself just standing in the doorway or something

like that. Yeah. Its eyes are a little too tall. Just like. Yeah. Yeah. Just something a little off. Yeah.

Yeah. Your eyes are just a little too far apart. You're just like, what? Yeah. Just a little uncanny. Yeah. It would be. Well, now I'd actually be safe because I know it's Jared Roberts.

My close friend. Yeah. My lifelong 22 decades. Yeah. My life. Oh, buddy, old pal. I just call him randomly and start telling him about like his mom's birthday

like all Yeah He's like who's the fuck are you Who are you? Jared German Jared It's me Jared

Come on Whoa We're so wrong to have been afraid of them This place is amazing The ship is only the beginning There's a whole the world beyond it One's so much better than what we left I know it hurt you to see me die

But I'm okay Hey, now, I promise. Please open the door and come, have a drink with me. It's funny to imagine, like, this old soggy captain, like, pressed up against the door. Like, Nathan, Nathan, I'm sorry, Nathan. You got to take me back. Could you also send a picture of you with your pants now? What the fuck he talking about?

You know that? Okay, where my bit was going in my head is there's that, You know that thing that's like, can you send a picture of you like from the front, from the back one, you know what I'm talking about where it's like, all right. Like the way he described Paulina getting attacked by her kids. Like you said, it's kind of described almost like a boondock saint hit. But he describes like the sexual undertones of her, like her sultry voice, her shirts now see-through. But the like objective thing we see is that she's got a husband and two sons, right?

so is that like something about his neighbor like wanting him or does he want her in a physical way and she's not perceiving that or it's just like our author's intent of it like oh dude it sets up some interesting stuff about the psychology there the narrator is definitely wanting deep fucking for sure he's fantasizing about okay all right all right all right all right that was a probably inappropriate way of saying that by you that is such that is you had to say deep you had to like to it you had to make it more explicit my gosh, good Lord, man. Okay, so anyway, I think, good Lord, man, just dropping a brick on the gas pedal. We were at, we were at the red light. What the fuck are we doing for you? Like, what the fuck are we doing?

He's just like, I was just half stepping in it. You're like, no, I was like I was up in there. I was rearranging them gutty works as much as I could, dude. Okay, there you go. There you go again with the description. It was like a fork with some spaghetti, dude. I was wrapping it all around and. Ah, ha, ha, ha, don't say that.

What are you talking about? Like a fork with some spaghetti. I'm going to kill you. What are you? Mercy. Anyway, I'm going to Okay. He asked for it.

He threw a hard punch and I stood. It stung harder than before when I actually argued with him. I felt so cool all week. Wait, is all that happened? He got. He got punched in the face. He got punched in the face by a guy. He took it.

He's just like, yeah, barely hurt. It walked out. Yeah, he didn't even get. He didn't even fight back. Yeah, so now he's like, I felt cool all week. My confidence kept me on. I punched him hard in the stomach, and I lifted him up with an underhook.

It felt so good, it really did. Parents calling April 14th. Jack still isn't out of the hospital. He punched the guy so hard. He's like, all of his organs are failing. It was like, well, he said he lifted him off the ground, so it was like, you're like, Dragon ball

Dragon ball like Dragon ball Z fucking punch yeah yeah like you can see the fist go through his back

as he punches him yeah oh my god Kakarot you hit him way too hard I didn't mean to Virginia

I just come on that's my that's my Goku voice no not Virginia I didn't mean to hit him that hard Kagarach

your voice sounds identical to what it and it's normal never mind that's your voice is totally

it's Kakarot there's nothing weird with it with all There's something weird about it at all. I feel like you actually sound a little better today.

Yeah, thanks. I'm so hungry. I'm going to eat a big bowl of food. I got a train. All right. That sounds good, Kakar. Okay. Thank you for telling me that, Kakar.

Yeah, I'm just saying, I got to go to King Kai's place and I hope that monkey doesn't chase me around because I'm hungry. I got to eat a big old, I'm going to eat 40 bowls of ramen. Because I'm, I'm, I have an, I have an inquisible appetite. Cool. That sounds pretty pog, actually, Gagherot. So why don't you go ahead and just do that? I'm gonna go sleep with Balma now. Yeah, I'm going, I'm going to have sex with Bulma.

Ah, okay. Gross. Yeah. Oh, why don't you just train? instead. I mean, that sounds fine, but I just, you know, I don't know. I just, I feel like I need some distance from you, Cageroot. Okay. Okay, I don't know where I'm going. I'm going. I was just like you have fun with that one. Jack still isn't out of the hospital. She was looking at me as I spoke, and I could almost see the part of her I was talking about behind her eyes. Like, the

or whatever. It was like the bells enveloped it and gave it everything it ever wanted. Everything it was missing. For me, it was you. Now that is, that is a classic 16 year old guy move

to have this whole grand experience and then tied back to her at the end like, well, you're all I want. Like you're, and I want to thank you. The most, like, Nicholas Sparks. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Exactly. Eat, pray, love. What I missed was you. My soul misses is you. Everything by everything. My soul was missing with every bit of you. I want to kiss now. Kiss me.

So, didn't. Other than Alina, because he's horny. Didn't our author get everything he wanted? Because his whole idea was I want to go to the bells to get some proof with the supernatural so that I can like believe in the afterlife, believe in God again. Let me tell you something, Isaiah. I'm going to tell you something. Maybe you haven't grown up enough to realize this yet.

But the goal post always changes. Let me tell you something. The goalpost always changes when pussy's involved. All right. It does. You're right. So they're sitting there. I bet you anything

if a lead is just like yeah I love the devil fuck God I I'm a bet man I'm a bet man I bet our dear old protagonist would just be like

yeah I fucking hate God too I think he's kind of gay here can I touch your boob if it would go in that direction I think that what you just said is like the stereotypical

Sunday school lesson I had throughout my preteen years of like guys one day you're going to run into a woman and she's going to hate God. She's going to want you to hate God. And whatever, whatever she said. Extremely base Sunday school teacher.

And what's really funny is that thinking about all this in hindsight, you were the exact kind of person that Veggie Tells warned me about. Yeah. The tomato's just like, watch out for this guy. It's your picture. It's like Veggie tells that you're on a wanted poster behind them. Cumber's just like, I don't know what I don't think I like this guy very much, right guys?

And then he points over to the wanted poster and it's just my face like, he's gonna he's gonna be into heavy metal music. He's gonna talk about drugs and sex and women. That doesn't make any sense. In the Bible, Jesus got some pussy in the Bible, didn't he?

No. Did he not? Jesus had to have gotten fucking laid some pipe, dude. This is insane. This is insane. Didn't he? no no he did not it's not in there anyway all right so it wasn't on the books but he definitely he fucking

late no he was celibate that's a big deal with it like um christian belief and stuff like all right he was the last of the prophet oh he was a he was a carpenter and all the ladies called him the hammer okay okay we got a god this is inside you are what but if they haven't made an episode about you yet they're about to God's building a church. He's going to march like a mighty... All right, all right. I can't entertain this.

You and Alina here. You and Alina here are the same, are cut from the same cloth of the kind of people that my mom warned me about growing up. Very scary. The text he received from his friend, Daniel. Dude, please tell me you're still alive. Yes, I'm alive.

Where the hell have you been? Why did it take you this long to reach out? to me after I called you like 40 times. I'm sorry, but my phone was died, and I was just now able to start charging it. You're still at your house, right? Yes. Okay, good.

I'm still a two days drive away, but I'm coming for you. I just like that. I'm like, all right, I'm still two days drive away, but I'm on my way. Where the fuck do you live, dude? Why am I the first person? you're coming to you 40 hours away.

I'm like, why don't you fucking go somewhere closer? That would... All right, it's going to take me 14 days to get to you, but I'm on my way right now. That would actually be like if something happened and I texted you and I was like, I'm on my way. You're like, why? Where are you coming

here? What tactical advantage does that have? I saw your tweets. I want to be a part of it. Don't you have like a wife? Also, if the radio... Hold on a second, too. If the... Well, to be fair, it's only like the television signals are down. How would he says everything keeps going in and out.

Yeah, but you would assume after days, right? Also, the last thing that we ever saw, there's no news reports anymore. It's just no signal. Right. So it's like, yeah, there's rolling outages. But it kind of just makes it seem like that the TV stations and stuff aren't able to broadcast anything. Yeah. Which would almost make me think, would you even be able to use your phone?

so you're you're asking the right questions just keep that in mind thanks you're not you're not crazy just keep that tone thank you for talking to me like a toddler you're also just want to say this too also while we're in the heat of the moment I'm going to say this because you got me riled up

now so I the very first thing Isaiah says to me this morning I was in my undies I walk over and he says this he says yeah I heard you taking a shot shower earlier. I popped my camera and I took a video and I said, that's funny. I just woke up. I haven't taken a shower. I said Allison took a shower this morning.

So, I'm like, what, uh, what'd you do to my wife, dude? Are you done? Are you done with your bet? I was talking to Allison outside of the shower and I heard the shower running. There's the glass. There was a ghost in the show.

Yeah, there's a, it's the glass shower case. I was talking to her outside of the shower. Wipe the steam off the glass. I can't see everything. I was not taking videos of your wife in your shower. All right, we'll see. For the record.

I'm checking his phone later, so we'll see. Okay, all right. I'll make my own Twitter, ARG, about it. My best friend's nudes of my wife have vanished. My wife vanished. Just my wife vanished. My friend came over and I can't find me. my wife, what happened?

Yeah, life's been great. Just a Twitter account called My Wife, Anish, Help. Yeah, exactly. Why is he here? Toby said quietly as he looked back at his mother who reached to open the car door.

He's your father, Toby. He's here because he wants to see you. His mother responded in a monotone voice, trying to sound less shaky. Yet, couldn't drive up to the hospital to see Lira before she died. Toby narrowed his eyes

out of the window. He was drunk that night, honey. He couldn't drive. Dude, wife of the year. Wife of the year! That's awesome. God damn it, Toby, we've said this before. He was drunk.

He couldn't drive or else he would have been there. It's like, that's that... Yeah. When is he not? It's awesome. Your father works hard at the beer drinking factory. Yeah, exactly. Food on this table.

Listen, he went out and had a fiver with his friends. He couldn't drive. It's hard to be the drink tester at Miller Light, but he does it for this family. He does it for us. For us, Tiki Toby. I mean, Toby. Not you too, Bob. Headcakes.

Pedcakes. Mr. Hancock's been talking to you, hasn't he? He's been calling you Well, Mr. Haycock would sell me Adderall for three weeks And I'm laser-focused right now I'm locked down Whatever you say

Don't say that your father He's been drinking She's going to experience Violent Episodes And Homicidal Tendencies For the first 90 seconds We have this mapped out Homicidal tendencies

One of the scientists said to the group You are now full of liquid hate Miss Richardson I look like fucking powder! That's because your natural skin color went away, Jane. You stupid idiot. Hey, don't be a dumb bitch. That's what liquid hate does.

Jane. Oh. Jane picked up... Jane. Jane. Jane. Look at me, Jane. That's what happens with liquid hate.

$6.9 million, Jane. Blonde black, powdery white skin. Give her 60 seconds plus 30 equals 90. I poured my heart out to a thing wearing Yessica's skin while it was in my arms as it implanted memories of conversations never shared into my mind. I confess my truest feelings to

an Ayrsat's entity masquerading as a person. I felt sick. Yeah. That's terrifying. Do you think the monster was kind of like smooth talking a bit? Oh, for sure. 100%. It's trying to buy time.

So it's going to say whatever he wants to hear. Is that a banana? Is that a banana had your pocket or are you just happy to see me? I think turtles are cool, actually. Oh, yes, I think I might just be happy to see you. Oh, that's awesome. That's so sick that you got a big old, you have a big old dong.

And he's like, hmm, a turtley senses are tingling. I don't think it's weird that you're a turtle at all. As a matter of fact, I think it's cool. I think it's cool that you paint your bone or green. Have I, have I told the turtle story on this podcast? before. I don't know. You're following this up after I just said you paint your bone or green. Well, that that's kind of relevant. That's kind of relevant. So how the fuck isn't that? Okay. So my, so my wife's a vet, right? Wow. So she of a vet that she worked within a clinic for a while

was working at a clinic in downtown New Orleans. Right. And she was setting at the front desk, you know, just whatever slow day and as she's setting there there is a giant window on the front of the storefront and at the right side is the door to come in and then from around the left side of the building she sees she sees a homeless man who is carrying a visibly dead turtle like like it's like rotted like the bones and stuff like that. And he's very slow, but he's holding it with both hands. And he's walking like along the window. So that means there's a really long time before he gets to the door. So the whole time the woman's sitting there like, please don't come in. Please don't come in. Then sure enough, when he gets to the right side, he opens the door and

comes in. And she's like, hi, can we help you? And he goes, he's like, I found this turtle. And then she's like okay and he's like it's sick and she looks at it. And it's like there's a little bit of bone in there, but it's just like a turtle shell. Yeah. And she was like, I don't think we can, I don't think we can do anything for it. And the whole time, by the way, she assumes he's wearing shorts because he's wearing like, um, he has like a long trench coat down to his needs. Isaiah, please don't tell me that this, this is fucking the turtle. And then she's like, I don't, I don't think we can do anything for that.

And then he goes, okay, and he turns around and he drops it. So he bends down to pick it up. And when he bends down, he is completely naked from the waist down. So when he bends over, it's everything on display. And he picks up the turtle and he walks out. So me being terrible. Sorry, sorry if you saw my, sorry if you saw my thinking balls. I just, they're in the wash. Well, okay. Me, me, me, me. being terrible, right? Because this is clearly a mentally ill man who, you know, doesn't, it was trying, probably in his mind trying to help a turtle. But I took this story when it was first told to me as he was just trying to find a way to expose himself to like the women in

the vet clinic. So I, I just started coming up with bits in my head. We're like, okay, well, the next time I tell the story, it's about it like he's painted green. Oh, I see. Just dad to it, right? Yeah. The next time I tell it, he's not walking to the door. He's crawling on all fours. Yeah, the turtles on his back. Yeah.

The turtles on his back. It eventually got to the point where I told this story to someone and he was completely naked with the cardboard box around him painted like a turtle and he just walks in. He's like, I'm very sick. like rolls over on his back just completely naked yeah god yeah that's that's that's all thing yeah well i didn't know that me saying that would trigger such a visceral and also weird it's weird that you manipulate the story in such a way i hope the i hope the people that you've told all these different versions of the story too are like or like wait what that was a lie or like

They're like, wait, what do you mean? He said it so sincerely. Hopefully you said it so sincerely that it doesn't read like a joke either. Yeah, I don't know. I said, I'm really afraid. I think everyone I told it to was a close friend who like I told the actual truth later, but maybe I didn't. Maybe someone out there has the wrong version of the turtle story. It's just all intimate, intimate members of your family.

You told one to your dad, your mom and all kinds of stuff. Peaking into the unknown and revealing secrets that I feel like humans weren't meant to have. is just kind of an interesting concept you know it's put it pushes forward into that idea of like reaching a singularity right like we reach a point with technology where it's like to you've gone too far you can't come back from this one um and all the consequences that would carry with it brother i'm i'm on cloud nine like this this is i'm gonna punch something i'm and put a hole in the wall a computer or something you got a pants full of come in a in a big and a big smile i'm gonna complete i've got the smile i'm gonna ignore the other thing you said

but i certainly got a smile some of the reactions i mean you have to realize ladies and gentlemen i don't see what i i can't see him so i just hear a man bricking on the other end of this call and i hear him going with him so i'm just picturing he's leaning back i mean he's just caking his pants and for all i know he's done three pants changes i haven't seen it while he's reading it would be funny if every time I stood up I had a different hair shorts on yeah different khakis or shorts just keep coming on I just switch it through

yeah um could be a void could also because they talk about time moves there's been several instances where time gets weird like the girl who thinks she's gone an hour she's gone two days uh the little kids who are that one boy that says was gone a month when they find him

he's like the same condition same clothes not dirty or anything so maybe you just skip or maybe for the confederate guy maybe he did go to some weird pocket dimension for a while and then wind up in main in like the 90s you know that's so cool the visual being in a burnt forest and it's foggy and then through the fog comes running a man with a red face he's bleeding everywhere in a confederate uniform that's so terrifying yeah you'd be even more terrifying too i don't know why if it's a guy in a reenactment they're like oh my god you're from hundreds of years ago he's like no no i swear to god i'm

not. It's a weird thing. My name's Jason. I work at big lots. I work at Enron. How's the company doing? Do I still have my job? They're like, oh.

Well, as long as I can go to my office at the World Trade Center, I'll be okay. Yeah, exactly. 56th floor, beautiful views. All right, buddy, you dodged a bullet. It's like his nose and. forehead's going off. He's like, what do you mean? They're like, you're in better shape. Trust me. Well, that should be fine. As long as my secondary office at building seven next to the World Trade Centers, okay? I don't think anything bad would happen to it. Since if anything were to

happen to the towers, it has its own structural support system. And there would never be a reason it would fall. Meaning, thankfully, all of the CIA and FBI's budget documents can be kept in one place, safe from attack. If I have my and I gotta say luckily I still haven't in at the Pentagon so it'll be okay. As long as they don't hit the east wing of the Pentagon

which of course as mentioned holds records of all of the stairs in the woods were just trying to kill specifically this guy that's like the it's like that's the yeah we don't need to the stairs

the stairs in the woods were built by like George Bush to like cover up yeah it's 9-11 yeah exactly it's going to be all kinds of stairs george's like that's why that's good that's why dick that's why dick cheney shot that guy in the woods yeah exactly

hey do you see that staircase coo cool cool do you see the staircases that was an accident let's go back I thought the deer was looking at my stairs

turns out it was a man in a camo jacket That was an accident. Oops, Dixie, Daisy. Dick, I just don't know about these stairs, Dick. But if it gets us to the island quicker, then maybe it's all connected.

The stairs were to kill. The Confederates. soldier was the guy Dick Cheney shot in the woods Yeah Where am I? Just a random guy in the woods Sorry, you startled me

You saw me for 200 people Is that the vice president? Is that the vice president? Yeah, so yeah Good story, good part five. Yeah, good good bit A pair of blue eyes were such revealed. Firmly clenched themselves closed,

reopened as if bursting out of black depths and into the light. Feliol dropped to his knees and his mouth stretched wide to let out a strangled scream, a scream of a mute under torture. Very soon his features relaxed while his ragged chest began pumping up and down with an even rhythm. He rose to his feet. How would you think his scream sounded? Is he actually mute or is that just saying like he's punched and he can't make noise? stretched wide out stretch like yeah the scream of a mute under torture so it seems like it kind of got his uh wind knocked out of him but he's screaming in pain yeah how would you

how would that go for you really like that what is it like when you get hit in the stomach what is it i think it cut out oh yeah that's that's right one more time nice again for the yeah you if i can do it again i like to think he's like, I like to think he does, uh, he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I think we're supposed to like falliol. Fuck! I like him.

He's my boy. I know, I know people like you, Hunter, wouldn't understand the mind of an intellectual. Well, I understand the mind of someone with a true sense of intellect and the dexterity. You wouldn't understand the minimum required effort it takes. there's a life seen so much more fun now it should that you put in the minimum required are you glad I brought up this story

while we're reading my boy failure follow only my boy foul only is not going to get David King pill did you said it it's over you summoned him there's a lot of people in the comments who like it who say they enjoy it

and it means something to them and I'm really happy to hear that but I assure you, those have to be children. If the story, it's just, it's not even surface level. It's just telling us, oh, well, there's romance. You didn't see it. This story has done one thing successful and it has made me have a really gay thought and it made me smile. Did you want you know what was? What was your gay thought was it was, it was a, it was Avery, uh, looking. It was whenever Theodore was looking at Avery and he was like, I started notice all the, you know, that he would tap things when

he was thinking whatever and i started picturing that scene that made me small because like oh that's nice like how cute this is and then the gayest thought of all came up where that train song came on where it's like i guess she's back in the atmosphere job jupiter in her hair yeah yeah yeah wait wait wait wait wait you imagine that scene set to drop some jupiter by train yeah now tell me it's across the sun Did you drive through the Milky Way See the lives I've faded The heaven is overrated

But actually it's not even the chorus It's just the beginning Glad she's back in the atmosphere Drives in jibbidoo and her Yeah That is And that is single-handedly The gayest thing I've ever thought

In my time You thought about this scene We're like, he's noticing the little ticks Avery has and your mind set it to train. Exactly. He said, tell me. Did you get a car? Yeah. Yeah, dude.

And I was, I was smiling to the Milky Way. I was smiling. I was playing with my toes by my feet were over each other. And then my toes were playing. I was, I was, I was a little giddy. So I will say it's successful on that. Well, it's breaking new boundaries. You know that song's not even about 11.

He wrote that about his mother. That's a love interest. Love his mom. Mm-hmm. He wrote it after his mom died and he had to dream about her, which is why it's like, did you miss me while you were looking for yourself or whatever? Everyone assumes it's the thing. I would assume it's about two gay 18.

Sure, sure, buddy. You know what? Just for you, it sure is. I will never hear that song for the rest of my life without thinking about this story. Glass she's back in the Evers me and drive. Did you just Theodore like smiling that is such smiling with a smiling with an imagination gun pointed to his head To his own head or to avery I think the both I don't fucking know he's like if you see a monster Think we're all hard and it'll seize it'll say no snap is the day we got married or is the day we realized life was a hollow shell oh my god or the day oh my god

I'd still like to debate when exactly our anniversary should be. Is it the day we got married or the damn when we realized life was just a hollow show unless you, unless you knew my heart was beating somewhere nearby? Can we talk about that? Can we think? I would actually get set of the score. It is, it's trying to do the cutesy like and they all lived happily. And it is cute.

When is our anniversary when we got married or blah, blah, blah. But it's had no buildup. It's just like, well, they're in love because they're in love. It's cute because I said it's cute. It is cute. I'm writing things that are considered cute. It's cute. It's cute.

You know what, Hunter, no, it's not. Okay? I can't do this anymore. It's not cute. It is a lie. It is a farce and spits in the face of things that aren't cute. It means nothing. Why don't you sing train?

Why don't you sing trained? You were good at that while you bring back in the atmosphere. You know, you know, keep, keep going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The caves closed down for the foreseeable future. Already, tourism had waned in the last few years,

and it was getting difficult to keep the motel open. I was running out of options, so I opened the second envelope, which, let me just say, if anyone leaves me letters when they die, and they're like, open this one when this happens, open this one, I'm reading all of them. Same setting that day to be thrown away in the trash.

Never thought of it. Burned. gone. Yeah, fire fodder for the cold winter night. Actually, it couldn't have been a hotter night. I still make a fire. I'm going to be like Michael Cain in the dark night. Like, oh, this letter was left by like your lover, you know,

I'm burning it in the kitchen right now. I saw a baby with a jewel the size of a changerine. What the fuck are you talking about? The fuck are you talking about, Alfred? some man to watch the world burn have you seen shut the fuck up and do my laundry Alfred

have you seen the picture of him about Bain yeah okay Bain is the scariest guy I've ever seen in my life I think

about that like once a month and just start giggling. That's such a funny. The idea of him just cried to Batman, like, this guy is so scary. Bain is the scariest guy I've ever seen in my life. This is truly the most frightening man of me to have a seen before me,

Lord. Master Wayne. Mastewain. No. The message ended. God damn it. Now, let's give me a questioning look. Lydia Smith had died in our dorm all scrunged she's safe though right as long as she doesn't

go into she cringed she's safe though right does she become like Kermit the frog all at one is more of the easy screen she's safe though right she's safe though right as long as she doesn't go into 733 she won't I thought of the always open large windows on the corner room if nothing else the mere thought of those would keep Lydia the hell out out of that room good well since we have nothing else to do you want to go look for theology books in the library it's probably the only thing open right now sure would it be in a theology book also alice has done all this research but she hasn't gone to the library also i'm like if you want to go look at theology books now yeah it's like we're reading about odin and jesus it's like i don't

think that's going to go go look at theology books it's the only thing open right now now no i don't thanks for asking thanks for asking thanks for thanks for asking that's i believe even though to be fair c k walker did give us the pass did she is that how that works kind of we really care it's canon technically okay well his parents are siblings yeah of course but also i'd be like oh fucking alice the fucking terrible idea machine

whatever don't believe that one leave that one you bleep that too no you bleep the whole thing one long continuous beep life looked bleak for us college didn't sound appealing work was annoying and the little free time we had was blown on video games and youtube we both still

lived with our parents too which made dating somewhat embarrassing Looking back, I'm sure we were suffering from mild depression on top of everything else. I like that line. You know what? Actually thinking about back, I was actually pretty depressed. If I remember if I could look back, I actually, I think I was in super depression, actually. Not even mild.

I was in super depression. In hindsight, the whole daring him to ruin my life thing, maybe a little overkill. Yeah, that was me probably being depressed. That was, dare I say, a bad idea a little bit. Yeah, I wish I would have just taken medication, but instead he ruined my life. So that was fine. But instead, I'm in a church about to die. What is, um, what's a, what's a depression medication?

What am I thinking of? I almost had Affleck. So that's the duck. That's the insurance, right? Why don't know? Why don't I think Affleck? Is there, is there a medication that's almost like Affleck? Ambien, Ambien. Ambien.

Ambien. I don't think that's exactly like Affleck. Well, it starts as an A. I don't know why my mind. was me like aflack and I was like of course the thing that cures my depression is the talking duck is the duck yeah is the duck yeah I like that

no that's cool I think that's what you should call it now yeah a flack a depression medication then wholly more depraved someone who will not hesitate to follow smile that dog's orders stop while you are still whole sincerely Terrence contacted me later that month with the news that his wife had killed herself. Oh, no. That's like a comedic timing beat. After all of that.

And then pretty much she totally blew her brains out. It's not. She's been doing this for 15 years. And now that's the brain. Well, I've sent the email. Goodbye. I spread the word. Thanks, Hunter.

I'm glad that's funny. It got me good. Okay. Pinky had asked Dash to meet her at SugarCube Corner at 3. She didn't say why. I got a bomb. You know, you know,

it's also, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, where the story's going. Where the story's going, that's not fall off. Like this turned into a hospital saying, you're like,

I'm going to go in. I'm going to blow up pony bank. You can't do it, Sugar Blossom. Uh, you know, it's also crazy about this. There was, so I was at a wedding this last weekend and a guy came up to me and he was like, he was one of the guys who was working the venue and he's like, oh, Windegoon, a huge fan of your stuff, blah, blah, blah. He's like, I absolutely love creepcast and I just signed up for the Patreon. Shout out that guy. And I was like, oh, thanks, man. That means the world. So that guy after, after shaking my hand, after touching me and making eye contact, the next thing he will see is this.

I have to explain what this is to my dad now. Rainbow Dash, listen, I got a bomb and a gun. I'm playing on robbing the bank on sugar cube corner. You got to be there at three. This is going to be innocent lives lost. Do the ponies have like defense capabilities? Like do they have a police force? Oh, I would, you'd have to imagine.

Like the horse isn't my little pony. You'd have to bad. Well, they probably have like wizards or something. Aren't they all magical and shit? Well, I mean, like there's a Pegasus. So I imagine they fly. Yeah, here's a cop. have a got does a cab apply to these oh absolutely a cab applies to everything sir law

enforcement of there's a wiki page for i forget how law enforcement characters who work or have worked in law enforcement includes all i'm not going to read all these names because this people be like you pronounce it wrong you forgot about this one but there's multiple it's multiple phonings who have served in some kind of police This is good, this is good law enforcement. This is canon. This is canon lore. It's helping us build his universe for this spooky story. What, what, what, what is the lore of this stuff? I'm looking at the fan boards. The Royal Guard's job is to guard Roya royalty and the capital city. They have a capital city. Absolutely. Okay.

All right. Evie had a lot of problems. Actually from what Kurt described, he wasn't saying she claimed to be the victim of an adoption gone wrong a kid who slipped through the cracks and been sold to a new parent parent was a rich woman who supposedly ran a network of private schools for disadvantaged youth if he told kurt the schools were just front for a breeding program and oh wow just dropping that on a no sleep from the top floor welcome welcome to no sleep boys. Watch out. Watch out. Watch out. Watch out. Watch out. Watch out. Yeah. Me. Me. It's the share from Baroscow in the ring. Yeah. Meeting Tommy Taffy and they duke it up. I'm an alpha. Sam. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a pedophile fight night here at the Petitaphile fight night on W.W.E. Raw. Which goes that, you know, that joke goes full circle because it goes back to your Randy Savage. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It just comes in. Comes in with a chair. Just beats it over the back of his head. That's the wrong answer, brother. Oh, man. The voice of my mother brought me back to the present moment. Yes.

Set there, numbly. Listen, you'll be home by the end of the day, okay? We need you home. Sharon, Sharon is inconsolable. And Michael, well, he's Michael. In 1969, they're going to have him home by the end of the day. I just want to say, I didn't, I didn't want to stop the flow. But it was very funny to me that there was more words like, my dad came out in a lab code.

and it made it seem like he's like, which was strange because he was a guy who landscaped yards or whatever. It's like the way that they presented the lab code thing was funny. Yeah, I don't know. I, um, I get, unless it's like, unless the base is nearby, I don't know, right? Or is he in, he's in Vietnam. Oh. Yeah, he said the Vietnam mornings. Yeah, but combat boots.

He's talking to a platoon sergeant because the lieutenant got killed. so yeah he's in he's in combat what his model is in vietnam well i guess what were they was it c-130s back then what was the transport plane i don't know if the c-130's been around that long unabomber bomber well i don't think yeah the unabomber is that the name of that big black one that's like it looks sick what's the name of that one that's a unabomber right Kaczynski. Oh, all right.

What's the nickname? What was the, what's the big black one? Okay, well, it was the C-130. It says that the two transport aircrafts were the C-130 and the C-141. Okay. So, yeah, okay, yeah, you could get there in one day then. I think, like, the flight over the oceans, like 11 hours or something like that. I just, I just literally Google, I just, I just Googled, could you fly to Vietnam to America in one day in 1969 and said, no, you could not fly from Vietnam to United States in one day.

68 just want to say that that's what yeah that's what google says it says it says air time would be 26 hours i like how this guy made a story for our subreddit and was like really pumped about it we're really like i don't think this timeline's right i think this is wrong incorrect yeah now if he was flying on the unabomber ted kaczynski what is that it's a it's a unabomber what is that what what what is that uh actual airplane call which plane are you talking about it's the fucking big black one that's like kind of flat and wide oh the b2 is that it was called b2 bomber that's what i was talking about that's what that's what they that's what he that's flew yeah that's what he flew home i'm like sick the the stealth bomber yeah the stealth bomber

sneakily gonna break the laws of time and get home from vietnam to american one day i don't care about jack i smiled at his pain i keep staring i keep staring at my mirror i'm always wearing my favorite hoodie. It feels so empowering. My friends would laugh at what I say. They would compare me to Spider-Man and his black suit. Yeah, I'm pretty much venomous.

I'm Spider-Man. It's my symbiote. It's the symbiote. It's taken over me. You know, from Spider-Man issue 274. I understand. I have a bit of a darker side. I'm getting, I'm almost, I'm almost like fucking Capotee or or droopy at this point.

You are getting, I pretty much should just talk like this. Well, you go, you, well, it's somewhere between droopy and like Stewie Griffin. Yeah. The voice. But my black suit, I feel so much more powerful. What makes it, what makes it droopy is like

you add like the, you add like the big cheekness to it. Yeah, that's what I mean. I have to do this and I have my black suit. There's droopy. And I have quite a bit of things I have to do with my black suit turn. It's funny to imagine this emo kid is like a lunatune's character walking around a high school. I'm a severely overweight teenager.

And I have my black shoe turn now. Everyone thinks I'm so evil. This is going to be here, the rest of the hooded man's voice, by the way. Okay. It feels so much better. Okay, all right. They would compare me to Spider-Man in his black suit. Spider-Man threw his power away.

I don't plan on doing anything with my source of confidence. April 22nd. Jack has gone to a better place. The words rang through my ears. He's dead. Lost too much blood. He's dead. Lost too much blood.

He punched him so hard. Then they're like, his body will not retain blood in the hot. He keeps bleeding. When did he go to the hospital? What? He's been in the hospital for, for 12, two weeks. And they couldn't do it. He was bleeding too much.

He's leading. He is, he is like bleeding for two weeks straight. This fat kid punched him so hard in the stomach. What do you expect for me such a powerful individual? He's such a stylish. Jacket. The only thing I can do is wear my jacket is I punch people. Oh.

We'll be given the opportunity to speak with him. Please remain in your seats until he calls you. Immediate assistance. Don't worry. A flight tent will be happily, we'll happily help you on your way. That's, that's creepy.

I like that. The captain's arrived. The idea of someone arriving mid-flight. That's pretty good. My God. My God, did you hear that, Mary? No, sorry. was mess with this tech deck what did he say nothing no worry about they look down the road

it's just captain america like chris evans whoa mary get off that mongoose bike with those sick pegs and we should talk about this yeah he's like really stoked about he's like i love avengers that's awesome she's like the only captain i know is sean one right. She's like a big BMX person or something. You're like, what? She's like, yeah. She's like, yeah. She's really white, Travis Pristana.

She's just she's wearing all like the old bird. Like all the old brunt. It's. Creepy. So it could be a toddler playing with a toy out there or there's some kind of clicker going on.

What do you think it is? Can you not be dismissive for 12 seconds? So it's getting into a point. Also, whenever he looked up, there was no stars. I don't know if that's relevant or not. And also, like, that same flashing red light that he's outside before is now in the treetops. Same thing from before.

Go ahead. no god you got something I don't have anything I just curious it's for people who are listening in the audio he's walking outside at like

probably like 10 a 10 p.m. at night and shine a flashlight and then in the woods and he stops turns off his flashlight and there was like a clicking sound with a red strobing light

is the best way I can describe it right you don't have anything any smart no that's it a little clicking thing and he ran away hold up

go back to that video real quick I think on a lot of them you can see the time it was posted you may not be able to on old ones 11.40 p.m. okay so that one was actually

at night never mind we're trying to get a I thought it was at 1140 a a.m. I thought it was gonna be fun if it was like 2 p.m. or something like yeah yeah but it was at midnight

which I would be so funny if he was walking he posted 1140 and he's like He's like, yeah, it's high noon right now out of the woods. Look at this. What the hell? It's a picture of the red light on the tree, yeah. Then that tweet was made by Big, big, big, Yoshi butt.

What the how? Okay. The story I found has similar themes. So I have no idea what this. story of yours is going to... My story... Oh, sorry, the end, yeah. The end.

There's like... Oops. My story... Wait, okay. Alright. You want to... You can put the title. Okay, all right, the title.

The title is, my best friend is the bearded man in my window. The best part of this is, I have no idea who wrote it. Redacted. The name was redacted, or you just forgot to look? No, no. They deleted their Reddit. They deleted their Reddit. Okay.

All right. So you really have no idea who wrote it? No idea. This is the only story. I want to be crazy about like, it's a mean. Yeah, wait, what? Oh, what? There's just, there's a, I read a little bit of it.

I really... Haven't read it yet? Not all of it. I wanted to be surprised with you. I thought that'd be nice where up here, we're palling around. I'm like, I don't know what's going on next. Historically. Historically.

Us blind guessing stories. If we go into uncharted territory, you have me... There's like fucking 12 people dressed up like Tommy Taffy here. Yeah, in the front row. Which, where were all of you when everyone was mad at us in the comments? Yeah, damn. Well, I mean, I think you're going to take this. And I will say there's a lot of lines for me to read, so I'm stoked.

Okay. Before the show, I'm going to go, before the show we were doing sound checks and they were running through the sound effects and there was one of a baby crying. And I go, Hunter, is that your story? And he goes, yeah. And now he just told me he hasn't finished the story. And there's a baby here, a baby there. Let's see what happens. Let's just dive in.

We dive in. I have nothing to do with this. Neither do I. if I kill a kid in a story they're 15, okay? We've proven that. It's fine. All right. All right. By redacted. Oh, it does say redacted. Okay, okay.

Let's begin. Let's do it. Oh, that's a cute animation. Is that horses? That's good. Okay. Dear Lord, please give me a friend. Who was that impression of? I don't know. Amen.

I tended to psych myself out too much, making little things to be more than they really are. A habit that has become exhausting. I felt like I could hear the faint crying of a baby. I'd honor Little baby I don't Maybe it's just Okay

Bones breaking with every whale I heard the bone breaking one too And he goes Wouldn't it be funny of those two? two were together. It'd be was funny. It was good. You've started a story you're like,

baby, bones, brain. I'm in. I don't even need to read the rest of you guys. I mean, am I wrong? I see a lot of quotation marks. We're good. Yeah. Okay. As I went to shut the window,

I looked down into the forest. Four deer stood looking up at me. Not moving, not grazing, just looking directly at me. In the deafening quiet, I could still hear the baby crying. I could hear its endless cries, echoing through the forest I heard I heard the bones snapping every three

seconds you gotta keep reading that's a sound effect that's your department no no you're supposed to read it for it for effect snap Whale, snap, wail. Whale. I stepped forward to the brothers who outstretched the disgusting bird in front of my face, its wings splayed out openly. Trying to play it cool, holding back every notion I had to be squeamish and make a scene. I killed it this morning.

About 50 of them were flying by my house and I was able to shoot one out of the sky with my dad's gun. You know, I figured out what it is, why you picked this, why I think you would write it. This sounds like a story you would just tell me about your childhood. Ah, ha, ha, ha, that's cute. Don't give me that tone. Just like the, like, yeah, one time I was in high school and, like,

a shot a bird with my dad's gun, and I made a guy. all my friends kiss it? Yeah, we called it kissy time. I didn't like that. Okay. Yeah. Others just nodded their heads in agreement. Confused. See you then. Ther said softly before throwing her hair confidently and turning to walk off down the hall. Brothers frowned at me and followed her as she left.

You said you haven't read this whole story, right? Yeah. So my bear trap, or my prediction, but I hope it comes a bear trap, is like she is going to, it's like a ritual or something he's gonna want him killed she wants him to be there so she can kill him or something like that I love a nice ritual killing

like she's a witch or something like that I mean I would love that yeah yeah this would be the moment I have not gotten this for you okay so just say no this is all new for you yes everything now I chose this story

probably after like the first page I was so in this is great creepcast fodder you didn't You have no, no, no, that's not a good thing. Come on! You have no idea what happens at the high school party. No idea.

Okay. Sorry, I don't know. I'm not. I didn't have anything to do wherever this goes. He didn't know. I have nothing to do with this. I see, when I said the witch thing, my brain was like, make a Jacoby joke. No, because I've learned my lesson, especially when you pick stories.

I had done it. I had been invited to my first party. It'd been invited to my first party. I got invited to something. I just had to kiss a dead bird. Walking home from the bus stop, I felt on top of the world. I had so many ideas. I had so many ideas for my costume for the Halloween party. Okay, I was going to quit the voice, but I... Thinking through the rolodex of characters from stories I loved online.

Would I, me dress like this, would I be a demented serial killer? A ghostly apparition? Or maybe just a pirate? I don't want to free myself out too much. This kid rules. This kid fucks, dude. Yeah. No, he doesn't, clearly.

Come on, man. I was too, Hunter actually wrote this about his childhood, and he's over like, this kid's cool, right? It's actually pretty badass, actually. Yeah. I keep touching my face to scratch it, and I'm smearing pain all over my laptop. A useful cry intermixed with the cries of a man. This is awesome.

Against my better judgment, I pushed on, forcing myself along on legs that felt rail thin and shaky, moving further into the trees. Why was his Reddit account deleted? Oh, shit. All right, to be fair, there is a baby and a man in the woods alone, so I have no idea. I was the store what's

was this no sleep? Yeah Was this tagged with anything? I don't remember. I don't think so. I'm sorry. I barely remember our episode to record you. I'm expecting to remember that. I don't fucking know. Just hold on.

Just hold on. Please, brain. All I need is one more day from you. Shia, Shia, Shia, Shia, Shia, Shia, Shia, Shia. I felt a kick in my back from the desk behind me. I turned to see Jackie and his twin brother looking at me. Do they share a desk? Jackie and his twin brother looking at me,

their bright red hair flashing like fire against the fluorescent overhead lights. not show up to the party tomorrow. Jackie said, puffing his chest out as far as he could. An alpha intimidate. Is that the sound of something breaking open? What was that sound effect? I don't know. Is that an alpha noise? Is that the idea he's like, you know? Yeah, shirt, buttons, ripping everywhere. I'm an alpha, Sam.

Yeah. Yeah, I knew you liked that one, yeah. Yeah. Barasca. All right. Continue. I knew what I had to do. I put my costume on.

I'm a weird character from an obscure... I'm a weird character from an obscure internet story that I'm sure no one will know. It's a bit tongue and cheek, honestly. The character gets bullied, burned alive, and comes back and kills everyone. Wow. I'll take that one. That felt good. All right. You know what? You're right. The story rules. Surely that's not a bad omen, right? I zipped up my hoodie. Jeff didn't have a zip-up hoodie in the story, by the way. Mine's comic. Mine's chronically accurate. As I pushed my way through the brush,

careful not to trip an upturned root. I hashed out all the things that I might say. Oh, here we go. quips that I... The voice gets grading after too long, but he's begging for it. You have to persevere. Quips that I can throw at people. People love quips. Rolling through these thoughts, I couldn't believe how charming I was. You know, it is funny.

You know, it is funny reading this that so clearly is targeted at this point. Right after, reading my old story that was melodramatic. If it's perfectly. I couldn't believe how charming I was. Finally, it would be all smooth sailing from here. Everything was possibility. Good grammar. Snap.

Great! The party was amazing. Everyone was dressed up, laughing, having a great time. I was welcomed by everyone. People patted me on the back. People offered me drinks. Someone even offered me some alcohol, to which I had to politely decline. Oh, come on!

He's cool. This kid is so mean. No one made fun of me. Some people even tried to guess what I was wearing, which was cute, but none of them got close to the right answer. The one guy called me Jeff. which made me does he say go to sleep God I hope

I hope I could hear the man's bare feet walking on the garage floor I didn't open my eyes I didn't have the courage the man stopped and waited it was excruciating just kill me

get it over with already open your eyes my child this does rule, you're right. Says the man, his voice is comforting. I trust him.

Slowly letting my eyes open, revealing the man in front of me. Jesus? That's right. You called to me and I answered. There's no way. Yeah, I wrote this. I fell to my knees in disbelief, thinking about the last couple days,

thinking of the baby born in the dark woods. He gathered the animals of the forest to resurrect himself. For what? For me? You don't need to seek validation. That's the... Wait! My slide ends there.

Huh? Mine ends there. That's the last. It goes... then. I'll keep reading. Jesus walks over to them, kneeling down to them. This is a blessing.

But always know, I am watching at all times. Do you understand? You want to rate that? Start here. I wanted to hear you read the thing, so. It's a good story. I have never been God so good in my entire lot. You named him Shia out of letters for my name.

It's almost nice. And it's about a kid who was a nerd who read creepypastas. Yeah. And prayed. And Jesus showed up and blinded the people that made fun of them. That's right. We got a little bit, finish it off at least. Yeah, finish it off for the people.

Right here? Yeah. I think I've been able to be more comfortable with myself and have poured my interest, this is like a flogging, have poured my interest into horror, internet horror topics, and have even seen,

started making videos online. I've got to say, I think my parents are even a fan now. They even appreciated my username, Windegoon. Oh cool! Oh cool! My first comment. This iceberg video rules. A couple fun facts.

Me and my friend Dave who's here standing somewhere off to the right over here. We wrote this today in five hours. Also, the best part of it all is I got your wife's permission. I'm speechless. When did you decide to do that? I think I decided I wanted to write it a while ago, but it got really busy. it got really busy and then i was like oh shit today's the show so yeah so there you named the character after me who praised to god yes i was making fun of him so much and the jeff the kill just

over and over you did kind of call it a little bit So, you know. When? When did I call it? You kept her saying, like... This is something that you would write. That's a bear trap. I just...

Once again, just like how old you are, which I still don't know, I just wouldn't expect you to lie to me so hard, I guess. I thought it was a good story. For a story you wrote in five hours, that was well done. Oh, good. I'm glad you liked it. The, yeah. Like, the baby being shoved in by the deer and stuff like that, that was sick. That was cool.

It was, like, I was like, you can't, like, just have him stand up and be like, I'm Jesus. Yeah. You know? Right. So I was like, what's a cool way for a guy to be resurrected? And it's like, if he is growing his other self and, like, his younger self is just crawling inside of him, that's kind of cool. That is pretty sick. Yeah.

It's pretty metal. Yeah. And then he shows up and blinds everyone at the end. Gosh, the amount. I was like, didn't drink alcohol. It's like me, huh? I was doing the voice. I was doing the shinjure.

voice it's beautiful okay it's unironically good story but also i i will get you back at some please do okay well done good story my brother and i tried to melt into the floor my dad stood and went to the bedroom to get changed out of his work clothes let out of a relief and looked at jay he grimaced at me and shook his head his loose tooth jutting from his upper lip be good tonight i whispered urgently to him. I picked up my plane and decided to stash it in my bedroom. Didn't want to give my dad any excuse to flip out tonight. Out of sight, out of mine.

This is like, so far, just very tragic. Just a very sad scenario. I feel like this seems like this is legitimately most nights at my house growing up. I feel like was the, uh, it's just doing a thing of being like, hey, how was your day? Oh. Spin me up and let me go. It's like a loose cannon emotionally immature dad. It's kind of what this reminds me of. It's funny because I was about to be like, yeah, I've heard from people who have had abusive households.

I mean, I've never seen my dad also at first. I thought the kid was going to be like, Dad, I've broken glass shards from like, if you smash the bottle, he would go everywhere. And you'd be drinking it, yeah. It's like, it's like, it's smooth. Just coughing up blood. Ah! Ah! Dad? You're a good boy? Blood sweating blood. You good boy from mom?

Hmm? Is this a paper I was reading today, big man? Hmm? Can you read yet? Can you do that? Dad truly has become scary, hasn't he? There's certainly something wrong with it. There's something wrong with Pep Pep. The rings are more than show.

We're sure you know that by now. They are keys, but there's a darker secret behind them. They're also a symbol to show you're the allegiance, okay? They're also the symbol to show your allegiance to the faith by permanently clamping onto the wearer's finger. The only way to remove it is by removing the finger entirely. When they banished me, I was so torn that I bit off my own finger. I didn't want anything on me that was associated with them.

That's crazy. Are you pregnant too? I notice your belly's kind of rump as well. Can I see me thinks me hurt a kick? Is that a pregnancy? Yeah, your belly sounds like a wardrobe. Please. Do you like that?

i want to play donkey conga on your belly i could have faths uh could have fad than someone wanting to risk their finger okay sorry i love the we it's my favorite i love the we i love the we i love Nintendo. Yay. I can't wait for another La Donkey Kong game to come out. Can I get pregnant with Nintendo? I would like that. Mr. Nintendo, impregnate me. Can I be pregnant too? I wanted to like you power glove in me. All right. Well, we didn't need to get. We were like alluding to something nefarious. We didn't need to go to detail with like you just said. Never talking about things going into people. That's not what I want it. That's a really popular. I don't know his name, but that guy, he's like not to see American guy.

Yeah, he was the CEO of American Nintendo and he was a, people liked him. I want him to make love to me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. I made a mistake bringing the pregnancy. Come out of retirement. I should have know that was a hot zone for you. Fill me with your chum. See, there we go. There we go. I'm a chum bucket. Okay. Okay. That's enough, I think. Chubbucket, where do you get come up? There's a fish thing. Also, it's where Plankton wants to steal

the crabby paddy. That's a good impression. Thank you, crabs. Is this like 20 years old? By now? Came out in 2010. That's like 20 years old. Is this thing like 100 years old?

This is like a, Did Charlie Chaplin write this story? I didn't hear the 2010 part. I was just asking. No reason to jump on the world, God. Can I find the story? Can I say, can I at least ask this question? Yeah.

Is Smile Dog, if you had to say cut or uncut, what would you say? I'm not answering that question. It's definitely uncut. don't don't encourage him what are you going to say not whatever he wants me to who would cut smile dogs I I I happy list it up list it up No wonder he's smiling. I'm there smiled on with him a beinia. It's nothing but pedigree.

You've got to censor that. Oh, yeah. It's got to pixelated or something. Yeah, absolutely. I'm actually going to tuck it on there too. Yikes. Okay, well, work on my phone. Hold on.

What are you looking up? I'm trying to find the story, but it's just that. There it is. Look. No. No. that's the other one this is wait hold on it worked why did that it's a whole sideways what the what is that about the website only appears in the left we have not read one from the story yeah the story yeah the story is shorter than what we've been

talking all right now i'm in smile dog creepypossus for the top yeah from the top hold on lock the hot pad. Okay, I'm good now. All right. Before, before we, uh, we went and got ice cream right before this and, uh, children. Like children. We do so. We do so. Before we got ice cream before this. Before we went our scary story, we went to ice cream. Uh, and while we were getting ice cream, Allison referred to me as Hunter's friend and he quickly corrected her and said, uh,

coworker. Yeah. Yeah. There's no, there's no jest. There's no joke to his tone. He hasn't shown any humor in that statement since then so the uh we got ice cream though pretty good do you like space stories i feel like they are very hit or miss guess they never miss huh He do some really cool stuff like... I forgot about him. He just really flashed him there. Come on, man.

Wait, the dumbest? I mean, just like the chip, the big cheese smile with the little, the tiny. So the smiling ones on space station mirror. Well, what I was saying is like a lot of them are either really good. You can do cool stuff with them, like the themes of the comment going through space and stuff that we saw in the writing during the other astronaut on this mission died six weeks ago. And I'm trying to think of, I know.

some space stuff I've read that's kind of lame. I think I read one about like a bug on a spaceship when I was younger that was kind of just like lacklesser. The setting's very creepy, but you got to do something with it. Do you like the name of the story? Yeah, I think. The smiling ones. I mean, similar to the other astronaut died,

it's like, why would there be smiling ones in the middle of space, right? What is that just a stack of drawings? Well, some drawings I've done. What all's in there? To me, I said, we saw that one, everyone saw that one, yeah. Why does he always draw my neck so long? The

five seconds before we started recording he said he asked who's your favorite superhero i'm probably Batman just had that ready to go that's really good whoa what's that oh my gosh it's like a skull coming out of a hand I don't know.

Hold up. Can you, can you get that one and smile dog out? Just, can you just hold them both up to the camera at the same time? No, that's not the one I asked you to get out. I need you. All right, let's read this story. Smiling ones on Space Station Mirror.

Can I be controversial off the top? I think the, the title is a bit of a flaw. for me you don't like it is that where you're asking me why I felt about it about what would you rather it be cold I don't know I need to read the story first to make a title name I just don't like smiling ones you don't like smiling ones just a bit try hard and then also mirror isn't that what they gave Jesus that's Murr, spelled M-Y-R-R.

It's different. What's this like shifty little, you're in a mood right now. You're like a goblin. All right. 41 could answer. The radio clicked on and he was back. Mission control, Wadovsky here.

I wish I could help you, but I have no idea what you're talking about. Perhaps once I have my feet back on the ground and some food in me, I will remember more. Any word on my rescue mission? buddy got turned into a stick puppet. They got their hand up him right now. Just talking about it's funny is we never see it,

which I will say the smiling ones at the beginning were kind of like, I see a lot of smiling faces that could be kind of cheesy. But the fact we don't see anything is fun. It makes it more inventive. But we don't see what's happening. And he's like, no, no, I don't know. Please no more. We don't see it.

So for all we know, it could be like, they've like got a little teaky bar. and they're making him like dance like they pull this is what's on the space station with Ladovsky

that's just behind him at the chair that has to have a little astronaut helmet on of course of course and he's got that and staying behind him when he heard

like they make him pull up and they're bringing him to the dance and he's like no no pull him It's been 44 years. I'm just going to stand here and stare all day. Yeah, a doctor said scene chain fully naked. So I'll take that as you're free to go.

She's like, are you going to stand her and stare at me? And he, a doctor's like, yeah. Wow. Ah, God. I love it. So I'll take. say those I'm free to go. He does. Yeah.

Not only am I super powerful, I kill people, but I can't help it because it's part of my condition and I get revenge in. I'm perfect in every way, but everybody wants me. So, I'm taking that as I'm free to go. Yeah.

It's insane. She's the perfect woman. Perfect in everywhere. Beauty. She's so funny. And she's only a little angry on her period. So, I'm taking that as, I'm free to go. Doc, why don't you take a picture to last longer? I will get underneath those old 1,800 cameras. The whole room filled with smoke.

Make a copy of that for me whenever you get a chance. I will. The giant light. just like keeps going so I'm taking that yeah as I'm pretty good no

Jane took her bloodstained clothes that were in a hospital bag and walked out fully nude not caring the people are looking at her on her way home she saw clothes that were hanging out to dry on a clothes line

outside a little suburban home these clothes matched her frame there were a pair of black sweatpants a sleeveless black under armor shirt and a black hoodie this I 100% okay I understand

my 13 year old me was like this is the most beautiful woman I've ever heard of perfect body cut off black under armor not too buff but just buff enough could kill me in an instant

but very feminine but could tear me in half. Sleak but also dangerous. You could throw me through the ceiling. 90 seconds of pure chaos. Like a

just a pale rea rippling. Now you got me. Now you got me. You get it? You see where I'm at? You get what I'm talking about. So that would be, that would mean that sub.

Sebastian and multiple kids is what I assume. Yeah. Yeah. And he took. Yeah. take a deep one wife to have these kids yeah interesting hunter you're on a beach fish girl comes up to you would you do it oh 100% if she look if she looking tall dark-haired and green

eye she'd be looking however dude I'm saying wet and glistening dude she's just coming out you know she opens her mouth and there's all kinds like eldrick eldricks sounds coming out I'm just like my ass is the the the literal first beginning beats. I'm seeing that. She's singing some kind of like hypnotic siren, right? Whatever. I'm thinking, dang, dang, dang, dang, dan, dan,

dang, da, dan. And I'm thinking, one, two, three, four, five. Everybody in the clubs in the bulletin's rat. I'm just mombo number five the entire time. I'm going to start dancing. Like, I'm with Lou Bega. Dude, that's what I'm thinking. I'm being, you got, you got, you got to start singing with him. You're going to be like, oh, I bid farewell to the force and the lands. And you're like,

walking into the ocean. And my bones in the ocean forever will be like. You're just going after that scaly, that scaly. Oh, man. I'm trying to count them scales. I'm trying. I'm trying to see if those scales talk back. You know what I am.

I'm playing. Yeah. No shit. I'm playing tic-tac-toe on those things. That's right. I'm doing some Morse code. I'm pushing some buttons. Hey, we're pushing buttons again.

That's what we're doing. We're flipping switches, whatever they got going on. We're going to figure that. We're going to crack the code. Start speaking Cthulhu by the end of it. Oh, shit. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to be rolling ours and all kinds of stuff, dude.

It's going to be unbelievable. I'm going to be rolled. Okay. Anyway. She pulled into the back lot of the Prince Ridge, parked, walked straight into our hotel room, which she hadn't even bothered to lock on her way out. Ran after her, locking the hotel door,

behind me. They know we're here. We have to go now. Cooper fell into the armchair, began spinning the car keys on her finger. The spin is kind of rough. I didn't think about the visual of that. That's kind of cringe. It's a bit cringe. Now, see, now I'm picturing her in the white night armor kind of thing. It's like, I'm picturing two

completely, like, night in armor. Yeah. There's like, like, Kimber, you have to get out of here. Now she's like, I knew you'd go to your mothers. No, don't do that to Kimber. I'm not. I'm not. I knew. I knew you would go to your mother's. even when you're high

even when you're high you're not stupid enough to make a run at Barasca in the daylight I'm not high you hide it well hold on hold on Bob but this is a Kimber shrugged yeah yeah yeah yeah but I can't I can't not this

not Barasca not this one I'm not doing that much of a voice I am doing the actions of what she's doing all right and I reeled back the voice so it's She shrugs. You hide it well. And anyways, how can I believe

anything you say? You've lied to me at every turn. I lied. You kept everything for me. Only what I didn't trust you with. And I agree that you were right. I was a liability, and I'm so sorry for that. It kills me to even think about the danger I put you in. But you need to admit

the reason I can see you spinning faster out of my... I see it going to click. Like, it's make it. It's making a loud noise. But you need to admit the reason you're really here. Let me take it. Let me take care of the rest. I can do that now and I want to.

I know what my life is buying. I want to help, Sam. The glow from the lamp post reveals a curly-haired woman. Both arms are covered in an elaborate sleeve of tattoos. colorful gardens of fully bloomed flowers in elaborate watermark style. I roll down the window a fraction of an inch and yell back. Where are you following me, you psycho? Who the hell are you? And what are you doing with Paulina? Oh, hell yeah, dude. Oh, do not just tell me. Do not tell me.

Now we're getting in on some girl on girl on girl. Uh, no, hold on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It did the colonel coming because that's feeling looking good. oh why are you such a quick oh my gosh you had that one banked you just had that on deck i'm sorry that maybe a paulina our queen or hero and then all of a sudden a fucking girl with a dragon tattoo curly girl comes up she's just like you move you moving in you know what mean is it now we got a love triangle dude now like it's because you're sexualizing it like if it's fine like two two like perfectly fine like two women want to be together you know that that that

that's between them um whatever I don't need to come in and make it into I don't need to fetish size it like sorry I was that was wrong of me you know I was probably wrong was it wrong was it wrong you had the kernel joke on cue that was in your tape deck like skip neck like skip neck song ready to play i'm sorry you know what i'm sorry you know what i i probably i probably i probably jumped the gun his tender profile said he was 45 but he looked to be in his early 30s at most looking for a sugar baby 700 weekly no sex oh that's so funny hunter that's the same thing that uh you know i saw when you first message god talk about an unbelievable deal a sugar a sugar a sugar baby $700 weekly and no scrum, no scrum. No grum, no scrum. How great is that? You would do it in a heartbeat.

Oh, my God. Oh, God, instantaneously. I'd be like, I'd even do a little grum, a little scrumble, a little grum. I'd be your little barnacle on the bottom of your boat. Why not? Scrape me off, Daddy. I don't even want to picture what that, what that act would translate into. What? what the barnacle might mean we're just going to get going sticky and i'm spread out and i'm stuck okay okay okay all right all right the part i was mostly making fun of you for was the part where it says you're actually 45 but you look in your early 30s so oh good yes well i am a youthful man for my age of course as a result i would stand by her side of the bed and hope that she wakes up on her own and ask me what's wrong so i don't have to feel like i'm bothering her sometimes

I would stand there for what felt like hours waiting for her to save me for my paralysis of that indecision. That sounds like that immediately sounds like something you did as a kid. I did do that, actually. I'm not having a joke. I would get freaked out in my room. I would stand my mom or I'd like go really close to her. I'd be like, mom. And she'd like fucking like freak out.

I'd be like, wow. Because I'd be so close to her face. Or I would go into her room and I would sleep on the floor next to her bed in the morning. She would like step on me. And I'd be like, and she'd be like, oh my God, I'm so. Like, the thing, but the biggest thing was I was like, I'd be freaked out. I'd go and I'd whisper to my mom, but I didn't want to wake up my dad because I'd

do if my dad woke up. He'd be like, what the hell? Oh, dude. Yeah, like, raise hell for sure. But yeah, I did that all the fucking time when I was younger. You got to strategize how you. You really do. You have to strategize how you're like, I'm going to die of a heart attack.

I'm so afraid of my. room of whatever you know it could have been a dream or who knows what it is but yeah going into the room really like slowly turning the fucking the door so there's no sound of that my dad also had like this industrial fan that would be blaring in there so it'd be like this huge like wind tunnel in the room and yeah I'd just be out to my mom mom yeah she would freak the fuck out I always felt terrible the funniest part is you curling up on the floor like a dog i did i like like a like a shih Tzu or something like that i literally curled up at a ball my mom would wake up in the morning and i you know you're you're small you're just a kid you don't think and no one like

looks at the floor before they get out of bed whatever so yeah she would step on me i'd be like ah or my dad would get pissed because my dad would wake up really early for like construction work and he'd be like what the hell are you doing here. I'm like, what do you think you're doing? What the hell do you think you're doing, boy? That's probably why your grandfather tried to shoot you. Yeah. It's probably where your grandfather accidentally shot the dog because, you know,

you two look so much alike. I bet you're, that one surprised me at all. If you were like, yeah, it turns out, I was one of the kids. I wore like the ears and the tail, like I would bark at people at school. I wish I had the courage. I wish I had an embellance of courage like that, dude. I'm not a coward. maybe your grandpa was trying to save us

maybe fucking maybe dude maybe just go to God I want to just go to God I don't want to go come on maybe if I can kill him before he becomes the sinner I can save him I can save all of them

I've given him four bars of chocolate but he hasn't died yet yeah your grandpa kept leaving the door open and stuff like that, hoping you'd run away. Yeah, go on. Get. I should get lost in the woods.

I really shouldn't have left. But then you don't get to do the build process with those, right? It's just like, here's Moth, man. Yeah, where's the fun in that? Yeah. Well, you fucking, you do deep penetration on that little motherfucker, too, when they shoot the stuffing inside of it. It is crazy.

They're like, they're like, all right, no, no, no, go see. six inches and you're like, hmm, I'm like, all right, now, now 12. And you're like,

keep, this one motherfucker is spit roasted. I remember as a kid. It's great. I remember even as a child, I was like, I remember as a kid, like,

my little sister was too young to, like, do it. She was just, she was like four. And the workers, like, I'll do it,

just, like, when the workers do it too, because you know that they're like, I just want to get the shit done with. Yeah. They do it like this. Like that

It's like it's about a rip his head off I got kind of traumatized When I was there when I was younger My sister got one Because you're supposed to name it You like name it first Well it's been a while since I've been there You name it yeah

You name it first And it's like coming in Because it was like at the mall I mean like came in Because me and my dad We're doing something And my mom and my sister were over there doing that So we came in after the fact

And she like had that thing And she was like slowly going down Like pushing it down to the pipe whatever Because you like they'll let you you know, I'd be like, here, put the stuffing into it. And she had like that just going through. And its body was all propped up like this. Getting filled up.

And I was like, what's your bear's name? And she like, was looking at me. She did Gabriel. He told me his name was Gabriel and he's going to help us. It's a bit, I'm like, because you don't think of a different way where you don't have to go into the ass and stuff it. Yeah, I was just like, Gabriel. It would, of course, be an angel name. I'm getting him a dog tag.

I was like, what does that mean? Is he a war vet? Is he a fucking Vietnam War? What are you talking about? The only other astronaut on this mission died six weeks ago, but the computer insists their life signs are still stable. When Ben died, he made very little noise. When Ben drowned.

It was the... When Ben drowned. I can't even. even do the goldblum thing right now. Why? What's wrong? A story can't start with when Ben died without us thinking of when Ben drowned. It's just everything. It's just so much at one. It's, it's it's you. I was on the phone earlier talking about entertainment lawyers for like a copyright strike thing on the channel. And then I like, oh, my my good pal and business partner Hunter responded. let me hear what he has to say.

Right. And then it's just, it is, it is that. It is something that I, I'm not built for. It's just, it's, it's a lot at once. Yeah. It's haunting. It's haunting and eerie. How similar that sounds to the conversation my mom had before she left my father.

Go ahead. If I, if I could divorce you, I would have done so. No, no, you wouldn't. But I'm stuck here. This love is too good, isn't it? You can't walk away. It's too good. Too many people watch the show.

There's too much money in it at this point. Give mama a kiss. Come on. There's too much. There's too many advertisers and there's too many employees tied to it. I can't get out. Come on. I'm stuck here.

Give me some sugar now. Mm-hmm. What if I did it? What? Well, you would have said a lot of, there'd be you know there'd be a pin of kittens very sad right now I'd be I'd be free I could be out of here it would be over

you know what then just go ahead and do it then did if it's that bad then do it okay you'd like that wouldn't you yeah yeah so I thought okay Victoria are you all right what's going on in there can you let me end please

I heard her say in between gas I mean, does this sound like she's in the middle of like a sexual situation? Yeah. To see I didn't like that. I was trying to be subtle. Yeah, to make it like that. I mean, that's just it is what it is.

Sounds like some. I said, no, no, no. You know what? You know what it is? I side pressing my. No, no. I would have done this. If he should, Marcus should have pressed his ear.

Market should have pressed his ear against the door. And all he knows. Eam away. Amaril of a morning. We mow up. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions leaves tonight. And then get out of here. In the jungle, the mind.

Yeah, that'd be sick. That was good. That was actually a better direction. direction. You took that whatever I thought you were going to do. After all, he'd hardly ever known his sister. Yet the baby blue eyes behind his jet black hair

were piercing into mine, searching for the girl he so dearly missed. I couldn't think of what to say to him. I was distracted by the feel of the cigarettes in my bag. I needed one. All right. Zolli mustard, stopping at the foot of the stairs.

Hey, Goober. I had no idea if that was something Michaela ever called. Yeah, she's just like, dynamite. Just making up pet names on the fly. Okay, where's the food?

Where's dinner at? Mommasita? Old pops. The mom and dads are thrown around pet names a lot. Baby, sissy, all that kind of shit.

So he's like, Goober? Yeah. Hey, Guber. That's funny to imagine that like your sister runs away for like,

what's it been six years, seven years? No, 12, 12 years. like 12 years yeah so now you're 30 and you're like goober yeah well to be fair that could be some nice millennial cringe type of yell hey goober

hey goober it was a person perhaps in the loosest sense of the word its body was huge white and bloated but I thought were pillows were actually huge pendulous breasts a pair of nipples god damn the swell of the bed's comforter was a huge stomach, sagging down to the ground and ripples of white flesh. Oh, damn.

Dude, imagine your dad drops you off in the first bit of pussy and your life is this giant like fluffy pillow fuck monster. Do you think that's a, wait, so wait, so he's like, hey, I had to do it. Paul had to do it. Grandpa, grandpa, Benji had to do it. You know, it's funny. You know what's funny about this. Last week was my episode.

It was, it was, it was, it was my episode. Yeah, yeah. It was ridiculously long. It was about the CIA and God and giants and all that stuff. Went on for 11 hours like up my alley. This one is an hour and half probably. It's about a giant bed woman that these guys are forced to pair with. And like, hey, but seriously, don't talk to no broads when you're out and about.

And you're going to upset the pillow, woman. You get to do a funny accent. I love it. This is definitely my kind of episode. This is your kind of episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Welcome back to Creepcast.

Today, we are diving into another cosmic horror phenomenon known as the only other, the only other astronaut on the, on this, Mark! The only other astronaut on this mission died six. weeks ago, but the computer insists there's life. Oh my God, but the computer insists their life still... Fuck! The only other astronaut, no, just wait.

Wait! The only other astronaut on this mission died six weeks ago, but the computer insists their life signs are still stable. Got it! First try! And this is an author we've read before. What's funny is people are going to start thinking you're doing that on purpose. I am... I cannot read. I'm dumb. I am

a fucking moron, okay? That's why do you think I only do the voices, okay? If I had to read this, can you imagine if I had to read the whole thing? It would not work. Would not work. Now, this is like Christian Wallace. That's why you need me. Don't forget that. That's true. As soon as we entered, he let out a sigh. I asked what was wrong and he just replied with. He's been making some changes around here. What changes? Well, it took food out of your fridge. Your clothes are torn. I think it's even slept in your bed. It's not going to like you being back. I love that's funny

I'm going I'm gonna assure that thing that I'm not saying yeah I feel there's a weird language here and stuff like that maybe the

maybe English is a second language I don't know I'm gonna assure that thing that I'm not staying like I'm gonna make sure it knows that I'm not sticking around this is its house now okay I'm gonna sure

I'm gonna sure that thing that I'm not staying I'll leave you I'll leave soon enough and I'll be free to and it'll be free to torment whoever comes you're next

I fucking hate my life right I hope you're guys reading the screen because I'm like a nonsensical fucking schizophrenic right now reading the shit God

I hate I hate myself I hate my fucking ape brain how's that how's that milk doing buddy it's not good not good why didn't the order of

Dagon have them killed well who knows maybe they fear this power maybe they thought all day God himself would come the collector's due or the traitor but it never happened okay so first of all

you are an incredible voice actor oh thanks man I'm like that that entire time I was like I just like went into a trance and I was like I was looking at the fish man under the rags like oh sick man yeah I try to get a gurgly thing going that was so stupidly good Uh, to follow up on that, how is it that you have trouble reading a text message if you have to just read text?

But if you adopt a character's voice, you can read the cult and pragmatians of Cthulhu and the granddaddy of March without a single break. I don't know. I think I was, I think I was pretty immersed myself of a being honest. You were so into it that you couldn't fathom saying a word wrong. who had wrestled his soul from me and believed he could do the same deed for you blame him for the slaughter of those innocents and for what, and what for you are about to blame him for the slaughter of those innocents

and for the, oh God, blame him for the slaughter of those innocents and for what you are about to suffer. If I wasn't so terrified, I would have been embarrassed by my outburst, but I couldn't stop the shaking. Deep breaths, one problem at a time. I need to wipe it off the wall, pick up the glass,

and then I could go die in Missouri. Flood out a pathetic saw. All right. Missouri's kind of cool. Okay, God. If there was going to be... So actually, the middle of the country is actually kind of fucking sick. Yeah, it's a flyover state, but still.

If there's going to be a giant human trafficking operation, it wouldn't be a Missouri. It wouldn't be here, so you shouldn't even look for it. Sam, I won't... Sam, I won't... Take your time. It's okay. Sorry, bud.

Look, chapter two, we still got, we're only, we're 10% of the way in once we finish the chapter, so, you know, easy going from here. Sam, I won't let anything happen to you. Nailed it. Please don't tell me this is your plan. Our contact will give us more direction. Your contact. Yeah. Do I know this guy? I didn't say it was a guy and it doesn't matter.

Why wouldn't it matter? Because this person has told me stuff that can only mean that they are on our side. just give me a second dude I'm fucking I'm a fucking on our side I'm a fucking I'm seriously so dumb

it's unbelievable because this person has told us to because this person has told me stuff that can only mean they are on our on our side

hold on let's take a little one second a second you're doing really good look we're in chapter three that's that's quick that's a lot of

I'm so fucking dyslexic It's unbelievable, man. Are you diagnosed dyslexic? Hell no. Self-diagnosed. How else could it be? I mean, I'm like, why can't I say this? Because this person has told me stuff that only...

Okay. Well, now it's a bit. Now we've hyped it up to this one. Because this person has told me stuff that can only mean they're on our side. Thank you. Good job, Hunter. There's only 18 chapters to go. 17.

No, no, we're on, we're on three. Welcome back to Creepcast. Today we are reading in source. It's sort. Take your time. It's okay. Sounded out. One step.

We went over this. It's okay. Ensorseled. Insorseled in the earth. Sorry. Sorry with that. I even said it out loud properly before this. I don't know why I had such a hard time.

Ensorseled in the earth. And still. pissed at me took this opportunity to vent a bit huh what are you talking about now Lucas is humbling and twitching all over the place don't be a dick man you know he hasn't late stage multiple sclerosis we told you before the hike started about we told you before we told you before the hike start oh my god we told you about whatever we got it we told you before the hike started about his condition there and is just fucking Christ I hate myself

The one ever so funny, like, they'll get it. I just fucking put me down. God damn, dude. They've heard it enough times. They'll know what it says. Worthless dog. That's all I. God damn, dude. So, no, you're not. I love you. We love you. It's okay. If I have suicides, how could the universities still let people live in there? Stitt down to apparently. That's why it's as a pie womb.

And back then? Well, every few years. once everyone who would remember that had Gretton well I can't do that is it too much is it too powerful it's good

it's a good voice well every few years once everyone who would remember he regret once everyone well are you okay

I'm not good I'm not good at reading it's not that you're just take a minute Take a breather. Well. Well. Stein went on and we got to know each other better.

He ended up sharing one of his own stories with me. It was disturbing, but it helped to know that I wasn't the only one affected by things going on out here. I think this must have happened before, I think this must have happened before, uh, my, I think this must have happened before you got here. Because I think it's happened while you were, because I think if it happened while you were, Oh my fucking God. Oh, God, my fucking brain. fucking idiot brain

Jesus Christ what the fuck did I do as I dropped as a kid my fucking God I think this must have happened before you got here because I think if it had happened while you were here

you'd have remembered it I know it didn't end up for it the officer says all that to her when you wasn't he fucking should I know it I know it didn't end up in the news for some reason

but I think most people who been here long enough know about it the park sold off a portion of land to a logging company and it was a real controversial thing as you all know i went to a training seminar recently and heard some amazing and horrible things there one of the guys i talked to while i was there told me a story when we were all around the campfire one night we were both pretty drunk we'll see a pattern here and we were swapping stories you told me this one oh damn it my fucking brain I'm telling you, man.

I'm like, so I'm like, every time I, every time I see, every time I see the quote, to just read. No, I don't know. Every time I see the quotation, though, I'm like, I feel like a, like a kid who is like on a baseball team who's like not going to do well. Up to the plate. Yeah, exactly. So I'm just like kind of like barely sluggishly walking up to plate.

Oh, bully. Here we go again. Just knowing I'm going to disappoint all the teammates. All right. It's okay, buddy. This is a slow, like, just one paragraph. This is a slow pitch. Me and another guy were out on the field search

because some campers reported screaming noises at night. Briggs cut across him. Sit down. He did not look up from the blade. The wet stone's saying in long pulls. Fire snapped. Men sank back to their cups. Night dropped heavy.

No star worth naming. The wind cut keen. Oh, gosh. Oh. I'm just such a sucker after the conversation, like, no star worth name and not drifting. It reminds me of like all the poems I would read like growing up around Appalachia, the like local authors would use talk about the mountains and stuff like that. Like, uh, and bread stuff.

Like, uh, and bread stuff. That's such an undercut. Jeez. What? What I do you deserve that one? I was having a good time. Just add a little pepper to it. I don't know.

Man. Gosh. Earlier I was talking about coal miners and I was describing like the big worker strikes and like people dying in the mines. And Hunter doesn't say a thing. And then when I get done, he goes,

well, I mean, they were like mold people. So it's really like a give and take sort of thing. No, I tell you that. but you're you're right I mean like the people sat there and the brother and sister lovers brother and sister lovers with the three three fingers and the fish mouth and stuff like that

they do write pretty poems and so what did the brother and sister lovers with three fingers and a fish mouth is that what you think of me but a there na an earn a earner a earner and earner yeah everyone's spock out there fish love so make love to you sister but uh anyway so with that uh let's i've enjoying this so far this is really obviously it's effective because i'm knee my the pits of my knees are loose yeah the language could be a bit flowery at times it feels a bit too word salady but it'll do so was that you making fun of me that was me wanting to uh stab the audience to death is that is that what they said in the in the comments for the lagani one yeah i don't want to talk

about it it's so it's unfucking believable he was so mad he was texting me it was so funny i've never been so fucking embarrassed in my life i mean people i mean people you know they want to they want to be chill and they want to like you know be laid back and just listen to a story i get it They're not trying to get a literary analysis and stuff like that. I understand as much as I'm a fan of, like, what we read. I'm not as violent about it as you are. I mean, listen, I see very clearly now that people want the simple, tropey, shlocky stuff and that this is primary. I mean, like, all in all, you know, I know that we've talked about this before, too, about, like, we read stories and stuff.

Yeah, we give analysis, but I would say more so it's about us joking around and stuff. And I get that. So all I got to say is that we're going to read wherever the fuck we want to read and you can bitch and complain all you want. So shut the fuck up, idiot. Thank you. Well said. Entry three.

Entry three. They used to be people. The egg heads. Literally are fans. It used to be people. Now they just want stuff with people that have diarrhea in their pants and talking dolls that want to stab you. That's that's the real stuff they want. You're so you're so tilted right now.

I know. We can cut it. No, no, no. No, no. I think it needs to stay because this is funny for me. Whatever they say about you is double funny for me. I had a bunch of people. I posted a TikTok.

earlier today and all the comments for some reason just in unison decided to pretend like you died and they were all like you're doing really good i'm proud of you after what the accident i hope that hunter's family is doing okay we should just begin this story we should seriously begin this story then today with you at the end of this we should have you record something being like hey guys um he's not here we have him with like the horrible they basically say that died. Right? And then they'll get to this part in the story and it'll make sense to why that happened. Right. Right. And then you can feel bad for making those those things because my wife sees that. My children see it. And they say, what's wrong, Daddy? What's going on? I'm like,

I'm losing my mind. People think I'm dead. I had two family members text me and be like, did something happen to Hunter? What? Yes. I'm in hell. I want to fucking die. Oh, this is great. I love my job. Holy fuck! All right. The eggheads.

Knight, just would feel a bit more comfortable if I knew how did the guns work. I said, a small smile tucking on his lips. Avery rolled his eyes. If you had played destiny, I wouldn't have to explain. Is he talking about the fucking Xbox game? Is he talking about the video game, Destiny? there's no way right there's no way if you had played destiny i wouldn't have to explain gosh the voice you're doing worked so well it's literally like the well if you understood the story tell yeah it is it is

a pair trap of voice it's pure theory i don't know how they developed it but it works all right nerd i trust you. All right, you know what? I bet there's been a culture shift in the story. I'm vibing now. Like, it's gone so far off the rails that this is hilarious. Well, if you were familiar with destiny, and the concepts would be quite,

would not be surprising at all. What? There's some, there's some like copy pasta like that. Well, oh, the Rick and Morty thing. Like, it takes an intellectual mind to understand Wicamorty.

Right. Same thing. Mom, hungry. Well, I had what I needed. I had the tarp. Spencer could play his stupid games all he wanted. Man, she is. Spencer could play his stupid games for all he wanted.

For all I care. If you want to jack off in the loft of the bar and that's fine, but no food for you later. Uh-oh. I'll have to have beaten his big old donkey dick. All right. See what I mean? You have to go too far.

Like I'm talking about like, Oh, she's so mean to this guy. Do you always take it to some? That means she's like, she's making it feel like a freak show. Some proclivity, some horrendous like it's something. Out there, sucking his lips. See? Licking his lips and beating his big old.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Tap out, tap out, tap out, tap out, tap out. Okay. Well, I had what I needed. I had the tarp. Spencer could play a stupid games all he wanted for all I cared. I slid back down and went back inside to serve lunch. Where's Spencer?

He's trying to brand new diet. of cold eggs and ham. Ew. He's trying to brand new diet of beating his cock. We weren't there. The story wasn't there.

Our bit wasn't there. You just accelerated. Maybe if the bit ran its course for like another like two sentences that would have got there. But you are flooring it to get to the rancid.

You're going to be just like it when you're older. You're a monster. You're a pig. See what I mean? Now you're talking about her speaking to her son. What are you wrong?

tone of point. Spence is out back spitting his hand. He calls it Amish lotion. All right. All I had it was a bag of peanut M&M instead of Coca-Cola. I think he'll be just fine. Yeah, he asked for a couple of jolly ranchers. Oh, God. Did you give him the jolly wrengers? Why you got to do Spence like that, bro? Yeah, I like Spencer. Oh, gosh.

This whole idea of like going up, blip, gone. I see. Why'd you point at Nick when he walked by? How you doing, Nick? Good. You're going to hang out with us? No, I just came to make sure that looks like the floor. He's been in a weird.

Did you get nervous? Yeah. I always get a little. nervous you want to hang out for a second listen to the next paragraph for this what did you want right now what he's in strange movie he's been weird you didn't even do the thank you patrons for watching thank you to audio listen none of that you can say it now thank you thank you to thank you to people listening on audio platforms like spot and apple music be sure to give us a rating over there we really appreciate it means a lot

and of course thank you to our lovely patrons you support the show you're harder in cash it means the world extra content over there for you if you're interested and there might be my i can't honestly i have no idea if there'll be merch when this episode's up but there might be that too creepcast dot shop store no one else noticed it but when we were pulling into my driveway the person behind me ran over a turtle is that what's been bothering you on the road out on the road yeah or where's the turtle is the middle you weren't in a weird mood till we started recording it's been step it's been you were fine talking to that other guy you're fine talking to Allison I ask you question he's like got family annihilator eyes all of a sudden

All right. Just whatever. Mayday. My day. My day. This is Kozman on to Alaskil-Ladovsky, attending to contact Soviet space program in Moscow. Please. Does anyone raid me?

Over. Can you imagine if I just gone? Where you go? Pop, it's back. That's what happened to the mirror, right? Huh? What's what happened? Is that what happened?

That's exactly what happened. They're being sarcastic. It's fucking scary. What? What? It's scary. What? It's scary.

Why are you laughing? Translation of the Morse code. The smiling ones are with me. The smiling ones are here. Not trust the smiling ones. Don't tell them you know. It will hurt me. if they know it's the end of part one

what's the end of part one are you are you just looking what very freaky what and I would eat my words and say that the smiling ones but at the end made it really scary

is it before I was like I don't know what the smiling one's titled but I don't know what's got you in this mood you're being stupid sarcastic right now and I don't know I legitimately really like this I don't believe you I like it a lot he's doing the Morse code there and he's it's it's what that's a fun twist at the end these are all gimmicks you wouldn't like I don't know what character you've adopted do you not like it I'm enjoying it so far no you're not this is

yeah I am when you enjoy things when you enjoy things you said over there and you're like this rules yes it's sick yeah it's not you're not like no it was scary that was really he's scary, that was cool? Like, I thought that this was good, and I'm excited to see what happens is next. Because I can't tell if the people are doing Morse code are the spiny ones or not. Well, I think it's interesting.

Or do you think that he's in a parallel university, he's able to talk with this right now? Like, it's static. Like, he's there, but he's not, you know what I mean? Like, he's still existing in an alternate timeline or something. To me, this sounds like gun to your head kind of thing. Like, they're around him making him talk and answer questions, but he's trying to get a warning out, I think.

Interesting. Thanks for listening. If you're listed on the audio platforms like Spotify and Apple Podcasts, hope he gave us a good rating. I'm sure we deserved it on this one. And then the, and also a patron, thanks. You also forgot to do an intro.

Oh, yeah, that's right. That's a long weekend. Long week, man. Long fucking week. Can I at least get a long week break on that one. Long week. Nick's not giving me anything. Looks like he smelled his own fart over there.

Uh, thanks to you patrons. We appreciate you. And also, uh, if you haven't sent up to the patron yet, we do have an interview with Dathan Arbock coming out soon. Uh, I think it'll be out by the time this so it might already be out, but it is, uh, the author of pen pal, author of pen pal. What? Just, just everything you're saying is wrong in some way. It's just in little ways, something your sayings incorrect every time. We have an interview with them. It was fun. It was much cleaner than this.

If you're in your car right now, listen to this, and you're still just having both hands on the steering wheel, I want you to really wonder, why didn't you click off or turn it down or turn it off? Even now, as you still don't click off, why? You need to click off. Click off.

How has no one stopped them yet? Long story short, I really can't explain. But more than likely, there are high power people involved with them that probably help hide the cult from the outside world, politicians, police, et cetera. So why are you explaining all this to me? Long story short, you're most likely the next person to be killed when they attempt to make horses peers. Maybe if they take you, I'll be safe and I can take the truck. So just hand me the piece and I'll send it to the car.

Long story short. Long story short. I promise I will not drive away as soon as I get in the driver's seat. There has been some talk that someone inside your camp successfully conjured horse by themselves. Long story short, it's basically both rituals being performed at different points in time. The same process for both. Jesus Christ. Okay.

That whole like, well person A gets possessed, a person B. That sounds like something we would say making fun of a convoluted ritual. Being like, so person A has to get possessed and then they have to kill person B. Again, if you feel the need to explain something in the story, don't. If it's that, if it's that awkward to shove in. I also have a stab wound on my back, though it is straight line and not a crescent. Uh, no. Long story short, horse never prophesied that he'd come back in a resurrected form.

How do I even know? Are you from here? Do you look, do you just stay in this parking one? Long story short, he always explained from the beginning that he would need to be conjured and then possess someone's body. And long story short, your name being an anagram for Sherino

is just crazy coincidence. Besides, you look nothing like Horace and I've had family killed by these guys. Long story short, I plan on taking this whole shit show down. Long story short. Well, who is it? Long story short.

There's so many paragraphs. Now that I'm going to tell you, I don't want to risk your safety, but you camp did just that. There's probably more to it. Long story short, if we can find out who they are, they can help you.

Have you been smoking crack tonight, sir? We've been here for 40 minutes. Long story short. Thankfully, they've gotten lost twice, but I've seen the flashlights go over the hill three times now. So they have to, by process of elimination, they're going to be in this parking lot sooner than later. Long story short, I'm addicted to ketamine.

And I love opioids. Long story short, that's up for you to decide. But if you didn't trust me, why would you have stayed here for the last few minutes talking with me when you know why they're coming after you? Long story short, I saved your ass. It led you to a pretty well-hidden location in these woods. long story short just think about that

wait he's not going to take him with he found him in the middle of what to told him all this and he's like well good luck with that he just gets in this card he just wasted 30 minutes of his escape time just making it up also I imagine it's a red herring but if it turns out to be true it's like

oh my name's an Anagram and he's like well that's a coincidence. That's going to be the stupidest. I guess the scars of coincidence. They're really just mad at your dad. It's going to be the most frustrating. So yeah, long story short, trust no one that looks like him. Though I doubt you already trust that many people in this area. Good luck. Sadly, I didn't hear anything he said after the first five words. Because as previously stated, he was driving away, so the end of that was completely incomprehensible.

Oh, by the way. Hey, I was wondering, could you stop? If you mess up the victim ritual after someone's outrageous, right? What? Wait, that was really crucial. Come back and tell me that part. Can you take me with you?

Please, God. for the love they're trying to kill me they're trying to kill me they're going to fucking kill me yeah yeah long story short you're in for a wild ride kid people are stabbing themselves and they've been talking i'm so scared please come back why is there a grocery store in the middle of the Because the bear's got to eat too, kid. Yeah, he gets a malt to death by a grizzly figure. Because the Keebler elves and the bears that live in this forest. And that's a story for another time.

Long story. The world's a thunked up place. Putting long story short in the one legitimate time, it was, and the story was cruel was cruel to do that to us. was like mockery this is a fun time in the early 2000s where technology people were finding ways of like you're sharing media and it's cursed everything i did have a couple thoughts though the veneers made me think of uh turkey teeth or turkey hair when people go to turkey to get a hair transplant or the veneers what if when you got a hair transplant from turkey or veneers you had

what if it was just a turkish man that was smiling that visited you every night and you and then the thing is you had to have someone else go to turkey and get the herded until he left you alone smile dot turkey or turkey dot jpeg also i want to do an edit turkey isn't a files compression this is a whole yeah i do love i do love a file type just being dot turkey is pretty good with a turkey be t r k y dot turkey but i don't see anything about there being elanious god interesting okay anyway with that oh hello my wife's at the door hello yes with hunter could i hey wait wait wait while you're here Kayla says hi hunter hey he says hi hunter hey can you can you be a doll

get me something to drink call her tuts tuts can you get me like a perhaps a Dr. Pepper Diet Coke may have she didn't like the use of

that did not go to my favor say you say you say you look so much pretty when she comes back with the drink in a second I will hit her with that that'll be real I just say you know honestly you walk around the house like this it would just be so much prettier

if you smile yeah and lost the shorts right i should that then or just you know just like makeup it's a friend to everyone something like that now that one would get me in a dog house like to get out of you you're gonna get slap pretty hard the the i'll do the first one but that's where i draw the line can i just say something yeah just like while we're waiting to get into part three i think this might be like my favorite story we've read what this might be my favorite story we've read what this might be my story we've read this one yeah okay so you're messing with me but he said no I'm serious no you're not because this isn't really isn't how you seriously

describe things no I seriously I I fucking love this story you don't no dude stop laughing I I seriously I fucking you do not love the story much no I do stop I really do this is my favorite I'm putting it down right now this is my that you would be so much prettier if you smiled. She did not like that on her. That was a bad move. That was the bad fool to slam the door on her way out. Uh, that won't play out. All right. Well, part three, uh, it's called the book. Oh part three here. And, uh, I just want to say this is my favorite fucking. Okay. Whatever part three of the book. I, I, I think it's fine. I, I, I'm biving with it needs to I do. I mean, you're talking to me like that. This is my

favorite story we've ever fucking read it needs to pick up a bit like I kind of like the direction with Lanius and stuff like that I feel like it's been a little slow on the setup but I need to see it go a bit more but yeah I like it so far it's got potential for my review so far no complaints nothing what's this attitude you're approaching this with I just well I just I don't know man like you're throwing it needs to pick up like what the fuck are you talking about just read then the sign abruptly paused Pinky was only halfway done, the wing hanging on only by sliver. Hey Dash, think fast!

Suddenly she yanked the wing as hard as she does. What sadistic fucking 12 year old is writing this? Hey Dash, think dash! Like, rips out the fucking bone. You know, you know, I actually got to say that's kind of brutal. I know we're talking about like a horse swing. But I was like, but imagining someone like ripping off. all that.

It's not just physical torture. It's fucking mental agony as well. Hey, dash. And then just immediately ripping the thing out. I mean, my God. What kind of like fat little boy or girl was sitting down writing this and just like grinning here with sadistic. What future serial killer was writing this?

It's what I want to know. Captain sprinkles. Yeah. Sergeant fucking sprinkles. It's actually Captain Sparkles, the guy that made all the Minecraft. Songs back in the day. It's all connected. Yeah.

Yeah, as she's dancing, you can hear the background. So baby tonight, the creepers are gonna still. God. The bones snapped, but the skin held tight. The pull ripped a long strip of flesh down dashes back to her romp. her rump. The unexpected trauma caused her body to seize. She felt the warm release between legs as her pelvis tipped up. Dash's loud, unending melody of pain filled the room. Unable to catch her breath. She blacked out. She awoke with a gasp. Stench of her urine filled her mucous cake nostrils.

Ew. Jesus fucking cries, dude. The stench of her urine filled. Her urine filled her mucous cake, nods like, she's having involuntary seekers. It's such a detail. Good God. Like, a description of a tortured sequence. Get this child off as Jeeves immediately.

What happens when you torture someone for four hours? hours. Search. Imagine the school counselors sitting down with their parents over those. Yeah. Dude. That's, I was, that's so funny. You ridden up. I was thinking the exact same thing. You know this little motherfucker went to school and printed the stuff off out at the library. And that, that, that definitely got in God's name is this. This is I, I hate to say this out loud. This is actually better than I've been just from how. the descriptions of bed. Oh, it's good. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Swallowing, she turned her attention to the small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with burning coals. Sitting on top of the fire were several large nails. Dash began to, like,

like super hot, like, railroad nails. I'm trying to, I'm trying to see if there, uh, if she is legitimately going to like crucify this fucking horse right now. God Christ! She like starts nailing the fucking legs in there. Dash began to panic again.

Pinky picked up the can and walked over to dash's left, carefully picking up a nail and grabbing a hammer. She positioned the spike at the scene. You might be right about the horse. About the horse crucifixion. Coming to the front again, she told her friend. In a few minutes, you won't be able to feel anything below your ribcage. Then you'll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest.

Jesus Christ. My gosh. This is God! Death started to cry again. She trembled out. Yeah. I want to go home. Yeah, I can see you wanting to do that.

Jesus. Oh my God. She placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for a bit longer. Oh, back, bagpipes. She said placing the tube in her mouth and the organ in her armpit, a spurt of acid hit her tongue. Oh, hey, there's your cupcake, Rainbow Dash.

The cupcake she ate earlier, getting blown out of her dissected. stomach. It's like that thing I've talked about before where it's like kids don't understand how heavy. It's awesome. They're saying something into a story, but it's an entire story about just the heaviness. It's, it's unbelievable how gripped I am.

And I hope to God that this child is locked up somewhere as a full blown adult. It's going to be like the Rob Zobby remake of Halloween where they're like, I treated you good Mikey. And like Michael Myers is like the kid who wrote this now is like a six foot seven super soldier They're like keeping it in the same as That's you your dating train oh getting choked out by the author Yeah, I just get fucking thrown into a wall The viker left me some instructions for you in the key to his house

Come on I'm making some tea He arrested one of his giant hands on my shoulders her. I won't lie to you been. I've got some queer things to tell you. I'd keep having gay sex with a... I knew as you said that word. I knew you were going to say something.

I thought to myself, I better read the next line before he does something. I've got some queer things to tell you. You're horrible. I've got some queer things to tell you. I can make a man come in probably a minute and a half. This is a good story. Quit.

You ever see that? You ever see that? This cage movie gone in 60 seconds. That's about me. Oh, quit. No, this is miserable. I had my period last week. I'm trapped in his podcast.

Ted, Ted, what are you talking about? I had my period last week, Ben. Ted, I don't think that's, I don't think that makes much sense. I thought I was pregnant, but luckily I got my period. I got a lot of things I got to tell you. some weird witchcraft going on in the cemetery bed I keep getting my period it's not monthly it's weekly

I keep sucking I keep sucking male ghost dick no no no no the ghost of men are very happy in the cemetery for me Ted you got to quit the number of people I see get mad they're like Isaiah is such

reprude. Why won't Isaiah let Hunter tell jokes? If I just let him tell these things, the show would get wiped. I suck their souls clean, Ben. See? It's like that. There's got to be some pushback to it somewhere. I've got to be I'll let people at church

ask about this show and I'm like, I don't really, what creepcast? What is that? The original Ghostbusters just Ted's second ghost cock in the cemetery. No. No, it's not what it is. It's not what it is at all. It was funnier when it was the Chinese guy, but it was just less

detailed. You're going to go to the afterlife with a smile on your face. The story is getting good. Sorry, go ahead. Did you at least laugh with I got my period? Because I thought that was fun.

I'm not telling you. You're going to have to watch the recording back. to everyone who gets mad at me for quote unquote being approved this is what i'm holding off there's a i am i am the little dutch boy with his finger in the dam keeping the entire village from being flooded okay everyone's like oh why is the dutch boy standing next to that damn because the dutch boy knows what it takes to save the town man ban you can you can just take a finger in it if you want Put a finger in it, Ben.

The classic Ted quote. Put a finger in a bin. You're so gross. Your pinky's a wine cork. Okay. All right. Just one pinky band, please. It's just, you go, you go.

There's not just like a joke. You're just in all the nitty gritting. I can see everything. describing it's way too deep right down to the knuckle god you got no no no no no this was a good story big old knuckles on you it's like a half dollar right there on right there on your hand ted can you just take me back to stephen's house oh yeah sure ted didn't say any of this ted was the nice old man who works in the garden i love how i'll test it's fine hey guys ted didn't say any of this okay

all right so just real quick Ted didn't actually say that stuff so don't even wait my gosh don't give me that voice this is not canon just to say that much don't give me that voice don't give me that voice

if it's not canon that Ted is a second ghost cock and getting figured in the graveyard then I don't want any part of it I'm gonna keep reading my asshole looks like a used catcher's glove band that's the last one and that's actually the last one

because that's disgusting and for you and for you to honestly for you to let that happen I think that's gross for me to let that happen for me to let you talk I did everything of my power to keep you from talking and it was completely ineffective you just wait for me to get tired out and then you say it anyway everyone who talks about me holding back and being a prude or whatever what am I holding back he just says it doesn't do anything him him hiding behind the headstone now is a lot more devious isn't it what are you doing back there? I'm reading.

No, I'm reading. I'm reading. You've said that would be the last thing. You don't want to see this back here, Ben. No, you said, you gave me your word and it was over.

It's all you're in the darkness of the cemetery. Hey! Get out of here, Ben. You don't want to see this. All right, come take a look. Do you want me to see it or not? I don't care what you do.

Just make a move, Honcho. all right we're done go ahead i got my period man good good stuff ben do you see it tan packs lying around here somewhere okay

that's actually that's and that is it that's the last of the bits good they would never let us leave they wanted to take us back to where god only knew and they'd done it to countless other people how many people lost at sea

it's due to them I let out an involuntary gasp as I finally manage you know if I know anything about my boy Nathan I know he's working up a scream if I

you know shot in the dark if this man gets a noise out it's it's it either is a scream or he's working at twice your screen he likes to talk to himself he likes to scream out loud that's he likes to do Yeah, and run and get cold.

I let out an involuntary gas as I finally managed to take another step back and froze. See? Cold. My blood turned to ice in my veins. See? As the realization hit me, and I finally did scream. I finally did scream

because Diana's eyes weren't the only ones on me anymore. There were hundreds of eyes. eyes. Hungry eyes had occupied every seat in the room. I turned and ran. Ran for the exit as every person in their seats melted into the horrific shadowy figures that had chased terrified us that chased and terrified us ever since we'd come aboard. The whispering, laughter, and screaming which had plagued my nightmares was so loud of my ears, I felt as though my eardrums burst and began bleeding.

I let out the shrillest I let out the shrillish scream I ever have in my life my arms stretched my arms stretched my arm stretched I kept crying I let out the shrilless oh gosh I let out the shrillest most high pitch scream

I ever have in my life my arm stretched out and reaching for the door to the hallway so he's like a full scooby-doo he is literally he is literally doing the fucking the Fred Flintstone

yabba-dab-doo and like running in place and dead sprinting off. If Nathan at this point ate an eight-foot-tall-sub and one bite, I would not be surprised. I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you something. Do you think in the story? Do you think there is going to be a Scooby snack-esque item

that gives him courage to stand his ground? Because isn't that the whole thing they do with Scooby-Doo is they basically like they lace fit in all with Scooby snacks and he like gives him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like, I'm not going in there. What if, would you do it for two scooby snacks?

Yeah, yeah. So, what about two? Okay. Whatever the fuck. Like scoob. Like scum. I'll, I think you're right, but I don't think it will be an item. It will be like an emotional thing.

Like, you'll remember like the captains. It might literally. It might literally be a dog treat. I don't know. That'd be great. Okay. Then the doorbell ring again. Hey, it's Jack. Let me in.

Sounded like Jack. Still, I didn't get up. He would have a key, wouldn't he? Why would he need me to let him in? This continued for almost a full hour. Different people would ring the doorbell, announce themselves, and then disappear when I didn't respond.

That would be so fucking anxiety-inducing. Could you imagine that? Oh, my God. Just sitting there and it's like, hey, it's me. Open up. Especially if it goes through different like like women, children, all kinds of stuff. It's it, ugh, that idea of going on for an hour is so long to.

I mean, because you know that like that would be fucked. What's actually standing there is like a giant. Who knows? Who knows what it is? Like a cannibal creature you've ever seen like a giant windigo beast. And it's just like, hey, it's me, Jack. You know me, right? Let me.

There's something. There's just something so threatening. about somebody who is just like somebody just lying straight to your face hey it's jack open up and it's clearly something pretending to be other people is so it's just so threatening there's it's such a simple way but it's such a good way to elicit fear what about that video i just sent you see what if it was that one man one jar what is this oh yeah It's so fucking stupid. I hate that this works so good for the story.

Like the entity is flipping between all these like, oh, it's me, your mom. You know me, right? Or it's like, oh, it's me. Goku. And then immediately back to like, it's me. And then immediately back to like, it's me, Paul from the fifth grade, remember? We're friends. So it's turned into my entire family, an anime character, and a boy I knew in fifth grade.

What is this creature outside my door? The, hey, it's me, Goku, and then knocking. It's so creepy. Yeah, there's a minute to do it, like, let me in. Also, Goku's so fucking wide in the door for him. He looks huge. I don't know why that got me the most. I was like, Jesus Christ.

Oh gosh. Okay. Okay. Well, let's move into the next one here, which is every month of that. That was pretty good. I also kept it together. I was about to start laughing by kept it together at the end when she was looking at the piece of paper. And it's like I'd done something bad. And she's repeating the lines just in my head. It's like there was a knock at the door. I look over in Goku. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what's up slucker? Hey, it's me, Koku. I'm going to take it right in my nimbus cloud. It's me, Goku.

Come on. Yeah. Well, I just kept it. It's funny you said that too, because I just kept hearing that, the knocking. I got to find the dragon balls. Like, you're four feet from the doors. You can see him clearly. And he's just like making eye contact like,

it's me, Goku. I'd love to see an edit of that instead of him saying it's Goku after that it's him like doing the power up sounds like ah he's behind the door but then there's still the knocking it in there so he's like ha ha ha ha like that got a thing the power energy it's all muffled to the other side of the door but still there's the just the nice knock I love the idea of like normal people come into this podcast because they're like oh they're covering horror stories and I'm really into literature

I'll listen and then it's like why we just talk about Goku Hey it's me Goku yeah Dwayne shrugged Either way It doesn't matter to me Just let me know what he says before the rush starts

Playfully swatted one of the cooks in the belly before leaving Let's go get that money That This would be you If you had to dispose of bodies for the mob, you'd be like, making that bread, working out of a bakery. Yeah, making that bread, big a clause. You'll see Paulina and a, and ariola show up. Love that cover.

Ariel. I think her name's Viola or whatever five, Viola, what a fuck her name is. Ariola is the spot of skin around the nipple. No, I know. That's the joke, but he's, he's calling. Yeah. And that's what they're like, I think her name's Viola, ariola. Is that Viola?

I don't get a fuck what it is. I'm going to make that bread. I ain't looking at no viola. I'm looking for that ariola. I'll tell you what it is cold down in this basement. Like it's a football game every day. All right. We're going to get out there.

Make some good plays and get some good. Let's get that money. Make some people happy. Made that bread. to Hunter whistling carrying bodies to the elevator. Hunter shoving a family of Ford to a metal coffin. Oh, yeah. After a while, I just start, I just start killing myself.

I'm beating people with a hammer. Watch our boy. She'll chew you up. Oh, Ariel comes. She's a man eater. Just irredeemable. redeemable. Yeah, oh, the worst.

I'm an actual monster. Not even a hint of like thought about what you're doing. You're like, I'd shove my mother in here if you tell me to you at this pain. I know now what I must do. I must kill Jeffrey Woods and his reign of terror forever.

If he has not killed, more lives will be lost. She just killed four people. I am much stronger now. I am unstoppable, unkillable. Weapons, weapons are useless

against me. Anyone who dares cross me, I will be the last saying they will ever see. I will kill Jeff the Killer. And no one can stop me. You know, I remember,

we got to read it at some point. It's not on the docket tonight, but there's Jane the Killer versus Jeff the Killer story. that part about like i will stop him reminded me there's a scene in it where the two of them are fighting and they're just like cutting each other to pieces and then both he only literally wolverine versus creed and j the whole time just like we're not so different you and i and this world only fools are heroes And this world only fools

for heroes It's so gay In spite of everything You've done for them eventually they will hate You Your hatred After 90 seconds The allotted time

has mentioned by the now dead doctor All right, May 4th So that was the end of the tweets on May the 3rd ended with that video Then May 4th he says to those of you asking, I'm doing all right, hiding in my room and whiting this out. Sorry.

I just love the idea. It's just such a kid's perspective of the world. For those asking, I'm fine. I'm hiding out in my room. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh god Sorry It got me good

That actually I got me It was just a little thing It's just a little thing It's a get you, isn't it? It's like a paper cut Okay You're crying

I am I got me good And I hate to keep bringing back this I'm just picturing up there With like He's like 10 MD Campbell's Chunky soup cans. I can't go aside in my room.

It's like a kid who's like, if a ghost comes in, I'll hide under the covers, that's going to help. It's like if there's a fucking alien, I better camp out my room. He can't come up here. My mom won't allow it.

I haven't heard any more knocking. But I don't want to get anywhere near the front door check after this he says this is not going to help the thing you just said and don't worry of like a fucking civil war era baseball bat

yeah you probably don't want to be coming up near here Hey, alien, I'm gonna bop you real good in the head if you don't come here. It's like fucking Tom and Jerry. It's so perfect that right after you complain, he's acts like a 10-year-old child. And he's like, don't worry, guys. So hold on. Would it work if it is like, because it's obviously like kind of a kid's perspective or a teenager or whatever.

Would it be fucking weird if it's like my, you, you own that shit. and you're like, also my parents are gone. And I'm home alone. I think it would make it more, um, the bull-eatible, I guess. The juvenile shit would be, you would be like, oh, my God. And your parents are gone. Because then you can have the angle of like somebody knocking me and like, hey, let us in. It's like my mom.

It sounds like my mom, but it's kind of off. Some uncanny shit. And then instead of showing a fucking baseball bat, he's like, I climbed in past my dad's nudie magazines. I found his fucking gun box. I'm going to try to figure out the code. Yeah. How sick would that be?

I think it easily shoots himself on the thigh. I'm bleeding out, I think. Does Campbell's Chunky disinfect? It's I keep pouring clam chowder over the wound, but it just gets more inflamed. I haven't mentioned Campbell's Chunky once. I'm too hooked in.

I'm too. It feels, it feels too right. He solves every problem with Campbell. chunky. So it's audio listeners for this one, you are, you're missing out. It's just a picture of the bat. You're missing out on these, on these photos man.

Lord help me. Oh, I was trying. It was so funny because I was like, okay, a hundred needs to like, 100 needs to take the series and I look at the next tweet. I'm like, well, that's going to do it. It's a baseball bat. I'm meming on it, but I will say the knocking and stuff. I think that it's this, it's still has legs. We're still so early on. It's just

getting the, the giggle bug. I'm excited. My friend's here. Is that your coat? Yeah. Okay. That's why I'm so excited. Isaiah is in town.

Yeah. All right. Some good news for once. Daniel's back. Before you all ask, he seems to be in his right mind. I need to get serious about securing my house. He then attaches a photo and says, it's primitive, I know, but it's a first step.

apparently more reliable than my alarm system. Let me know if you all have any other ideas to keep my house secure. And he said, go ahead. Make your point. Go ahead. Nick, what do you think about this defense mechanism for his new alarm for his house? It may or may not be a pyramid of Red Solo cups. My boy, definitely just did cup stacking at his school.

don't worry if the giant clicking light comes in my room i'll hear the cups oh yeah the the the red solo cups will fall alerting me oh that giving me the perfect vantage replies real quick what's what's it lines on the floor to supplement then okay so that one's being serious scroll down and just see the first guy you out here playing home alone there we go boy you'd never hear that over the screaming He needed to watch Home Alone when all this is over, man. Come on. This isn't technically an alarm.

That's funny. Yeah. That's what about this being on Twitter. You could always see people being like, this is the dumbest. What are you doing? Well, I mean, he has another way of security as well. And there's another photo. He says, I have another way of security attaches this photo.

He's got 10 games. I mean, he's like, I'm, I put another one on the other side of the door because I want to talk to it. it's funny like because the point of like a audio alarm is so you have time to do something right get a weapon escape out a window but he can't do anything no so this just tells him he's about to die that's all an alarm system would do it's like hey you're about to be Descated. He just wakes up from

Red So little cups falling He just Gulp So there's two days Without any updates And then Tucker says on June 5th Just past the Virginia state line Hoping my family will be okay

They said His family is just like being sucked up to the sky I hope you guys I hope you guys are right I'm going to the West Coast What? Bye Also two days and he's just now

Getting past the Virginia line How fucking long is it To get to the West Coast dude It depends he can't take any main roads because he said earlier traffic like there's a bunch of a bandit cars on him and stuff like that. It also seems like there's no, the gas stations aren't working.

Yeah. I hope he, I assume he's bringing a bunch of gas. Probably. I'd say cups full of gas. The whole bag is full of cups. Just stacked on each other. They're spelling everywhere every time it turns.

Gas is getting low. Keeps falling out. If only someone made a container to hold gasoline. Gosh, there's like a plastic container. I can put this in. And preferably red like my cups. Hoping my family will be okay. If I could have preference, I would make them red.

I would make them red perhaps with a black or yellow nozzle of some kind so I can see it in low light conditions like right now. Okay, so then a few days later on the 29th, Sun Vanish says, as I expected, the low fuel warning just dinged. Got my flashlight, bat, phone, I'm on foot now. I forgot his only means of defense was a bat. Yeah, it was the photo of the bat. A good shortling moment for me.

That was great. And the cups. That was his defense mechanism. The cups. Which, again, a 15-year-old further backed. If you're watching this episode right now on YouTube, won't you take time? Go get some cups stacking up against your door

because that is the only way to watch this episode is to have cups stacked up against the door. And then also you have to do it at night and pretend like the sun's not coming back. exactly just like that now yep yeah take a picture at midnight and say it's 3 p.m. get a friend uh find their last known coordinates try to go there you just you've just some of the midnight man you've just let the midnight man into your home i turned left again and knew i had gone the right way i burst into the room i'd come from the room now empty no nurses or anyone in

sight, ran towards the glass wall where Avery lay on the other side. I'm coming. I said softly knowing that he couldn't hear me. I'm going to just roll over that. I put the gun down, not wanting to waste any bullets. I grabbed

a chair, adrenaline coursing through me as I swanked out the wall. Oh, fuck. At the wall again and again. cracks for me each time I hit it each was fueled by emotions

I pushed down this is for the lies I thought as I swung this is for the pain I swung I paused panting this is for Avery

I took the power of the glass shattering around me I think my circumstances have finally begun to set in I've been living in a quiet apartment in New Mexico for over a year and I had no friends

because I was a turtle boy. I would go to work and then home without doing anything else except playing with cabbage and in my see there you go. You're at it. You're adding your own interpretations to it, which is not the job of the narrator. That's not the job of the narrator.

The narrator must be objective. Sorry, I thought I read the I think I got it mixed up with it. Sometimes I would spend the entire weekend without saying a single word to anyone or seeing another person. because I was on my back with my shell.

That's not, that's not on there too? I do that if I didn't change something quick, a solitude would become the norm, and that frightened me. Okay, so when you do your impression to me, it's gone from like a whimsical,

like choir leader to now just a clown, like a circus clown. I don't think that's true. Yeah, yeah, you're like past any closeness of it. Your hate is getting into the,

way of your accuracy can i actually try to do a legitimate impression of you because i have been working on it my my consent in this doesn't matter so well i won't do it if you don't want me to go ahead is that did you don't you like that? I'd never notice how much you sound like Gypsy Rose which is just you know it's

you know it's funny is I thought you were being legitimate and then the moment I heard what decibel you were in like what scale you were at yeah like it was like are I'd be curious I need to know if you murdered your mom is your mom still

with us yeah she's still alive honor what if I can take that on face value though from personally you maybe yeah she's still live owner that invitation you did just then was closer than your dedicated invitation yeah no that's too that was i i i lampooned a little bit but not very much a little bit okay i couldn't understand you you were so high it was audible to dogs well that's discord's fault and i have that issue with you all the time so mostly carry seemed concerned with pain from a frostbite just as dr walsh was excusing himself she said something or shouted really that made my hair stand on end here here sounds rig rig Rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, ring, rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, rig, the way that you read. The way that you read that happened, I threw on, probably.

I'd probably throw on 12 more rings there. Then she fell silent. I was sitting here like how many rings are? I know. I started out there. Like, wait here. Like, good God. I was like, I guarantee you this is more than eight.

Then she fell silent. Then she fell silent. Rigg! I mean, I was going to make, before you came going, I was going to make a comment about how haunting that is. How great would this be if it ends? And it's like, anyway, I didn't take my medicine today. And it's like this whole thing was a delusion inside of an inside of it.

I'm not even joking. I will punch a hole through my monitor. And I'll, I'll slip my wrist. If this, this ending in the, it was all a dream twist, I think would make this the greatest thing I've ever seen. And I swear to God, I'm not even joking. I don't know where this is going. If it ends that way, I'm,

I'm done with this show. I am, I am done with the show. That's how this, if that's how this ends, I'm done with this show. That's great because then I get a hundred percent of the paycheck. That's true.

Well, you know, make it, make a positive, making lemonade out of lemons. All right. Yeah, exactly.

I'll, I'll take it. You know what? Deal. He was insane. It's taken to this long to figure it out. He does, trapped. He knew what made

people and animals tick. He enjoyed inflicting pain on them. Not just that, but watching them suffer. It's like, no shit! We just read this! It took him part set. Like, for one, the author's explaining it to us twice. But also,

the, like, the idea that Xander's just now, like, he's not in his right mind. What? Okay, so I'm in danger because I don't know if you guys know this. This guy's crazy. Yeah, the guy who, murdered someone as part of a game

that he elected to do himself that guy isn't well. Not only is that but he also is like he like set traps and like he's kind of done that before it's like just let's just keep reading let's just keep reading let's just keep let's push forward

Isaiah we have so much more to go through and I'm so upset I'm so upset I hungered down in my seat and brought up a word document in my phone where I could take notes then I started Googling. You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, he's going to explain Google. Oh, God. He's going to explain why you use Google. I don't want to read anymore. Can we, can we veto this? Can we veto? Can we veto? No.

I think we're at three hours. We're at three hours in our recording. We have to, we, we are finishing the story, Hunter. side door silently opened in in walked David fucking king I stayed where I was behind and what a great stacked with pallets if he came in shooting I didn't want to be an easy target

slow clapping oh god yes oh my gosh oh this is so great slow clapping filthy echoing room dude this entire story is like an alien watched airsoft fatty YouTube videos and then wrote

like a crime novel. Fuck you, David. Hashtag Fuck David King. Zander. You brilliant bastard. Go get your girl. We're coming for you, David.

Thousands of these. Almost all saying the same thing. How does it feel that have people rooting for you? You feel better equipped to fight me now? Where is she? Hold on, I got to, I got pushed my chair out of the way we're, oh, all right. I'm half standing for this. This is too good.

This is art. Oh, my gosh. All right. Literally slow clapping into the room. Well done. Oh, my gosh. Oh, it'd be so funny if it was like David stepped in on a landmine and exploded the end. Sorry. I don't have a guarantee that you won't release other information anyway.

Come on out here and we'll discuss my terms. Like hell I am. David looked to his partner and his partner used his free arm to punch Katie in the side. She cried out. Boom. She cried out. This is literally like, if this was in a. anime or like a Batman comic it would be too cheesy right like the level

she cried out as best she could through the duct tape faltered but the blonde man held her up by her neck we can do this all night oh god I stood up my hiding place was off to David's left so I walked in a semi circle until I was directly in David's line of sight come closer I stepped forward till we were a couple yards apart Look how you've changed. Your hair looks good.

You should always die darker. So stoic now. Confident. Being on the run has changed you. I guess all we had to do was increase the minimum required effort was go on the run, huh? I fucking, I hate my life. I hate my fucking life!

I hate my life! Then maybe we could have avoided this whole mess. Oh yeah. Then again, it's all been so fun. let's get this over with so hostile what's your first term he leaves

okay David shrugged before I could process what was happening bro this story keeps getting better this is the best thing I've ever read on the podcast David shrugged before I could process what was happening

he pulled a handgun from his pocket and shot the blonde man in head. It is beyond the realm of it. It is like Saturday morning cartoons on steroids. Once again, thank you Reddit. You've helped me so much with your support,

encouragement, and your unknowing aid in making this trap for David. I couldn't have done this without you. The last two years have been hell, but it's finally over. We ruined Who Hunter? David fucking. King. Let's go!

Story over. We did it. Oh, man. That might have been the greatest saying to ever grace my lips on this show. It's incredible. We appreciate you guys. Whoever was able to stick with this until the end. Who has ever... Who's listening to me say this right now?

I appreciate you as a listener, as an audience member. I am going to... going to get i'm going to give this the award my award at least which isaiah might have his own someday but this for me is awarded the the least enjoyable reading and wait wait hunter hunter and this is the first this is literally the first episode we've recorded in 2025 and i really hope it doesn't mark the year that's to come is all i have to say wait hunter do you have a do you still have part eight pulled up?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I see series two. And I'm never going to read that. No, click on it. Look, Hunter, there's another seven-part series. All from the perspective of Clark. What? All for the perspective of Clark.

Hunter, we can't, we can't lose this. Yeah. Hunter, this is important. We can't let this happen. I, um, whoa, Hunter. I, no. Thank you guys for listening on Spotify and ranking us on Spotify, giving us a five-star rating.

Thank you guys for also listening on Apple Podcasts as well. We appreciate you. I dared my best friend to in my life part one. Thank you guys so much for sticking with us. I'm sorry. I'm very, very, very, very sorry. Hunter, it says this is Clark. Can forgive us.

And it opens and says this is Clark. And I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your day. I hope you'll remember me. God help us from I wish I was there. He says, I'm here. And he says, I'm here. And he says, I'm here because Xander is missing. Hunter, there's another eight-part series, and it starts with Xander missing.

We can't pass it up. What will the people think? They'll be so sad. That was great. I loved it. I hope you all loved it, too. Thank you, bye. I think it looks pretty cool.

And when I tried it on, the attendant said, it suits me fine. I said, thanks to be polite. Common courtesy is so hard to find. Oh, God, dude. Fuck on. This is like some serious, like, common courtesy is so hard to find. I bought a black hoodie David King

It's the David King voice Yeah David King Comic courtesy So hard to find Can you read this next one In the voice The next paragraph

So I bought it I haven't taken it off yet Not only is in war But I can really see myself Doing amazing things in it What is that What do you mean? What are you mean?

When I look at the mirror I smirk I feel amazing When I look at the mirror, he just does Not bad, not bad I hugged her, she hadn't worn a jacket Just the sweat, she probably slept in during the winter She stood stiffly as I rubbed her back

She stood stiffly as I rubbed her back in arms In an effort to warm her up I figured she was nervous About what I'd tell her But was still disappointed She hadn't greeted me more enthusiastically This guy's insufferable he's becoming my red pill hero honestly

why is she not into me what's her problem what's kind of weird is I'm almost picturing she goes up she's like cold you know shivering knocks on the door and opening up and it's just David King standing right in the doorway and he's like hello sweet kitten it's been some time since I've seen you

isn't it come here and warm yourself it by big, strong arms. They're still on the porch. It's still snowing. She's freezing. Yeah, she's like, can I come in? Soothed off, my sweet little princess.

But first, your head, you know, like gets down on a knee and kisses it. He's like, you are that princess. He's like, I see you haven't used the vanilla scented shampoo today. We'll have to fix that. Don't worry. I got you cosmic brownie body soap. Very excited. That's funny.

I was suddenly very stressed, very tired, and very drunk. When the alarm went off at 6 a.m., took everything I had to pull myself out of bed. I got dressed in the clothes I wore in the night before and shuffled my way across campus to the atrium. Alice was already there with a black coffee in hand. I figure you need this. What the f-what? What? She laughed.

What? I figured you need this. Where did that voice come from? What is this? performance you're putting on your I think you need because I know it's going to sound weird by trying to do in the girl voice so it's like

I figure you need this just say I figured you need this. It says she laughed okay what have you ever put that much emphasis on a laugh mid-sett. Okay I figure you need this. How'd you know your text? I texted you last night

yeah and about one you told me about Sigma-Chi Sigma Chi You're talking about Sigma Chi It's not Cygma Oh God

Yeah In Sigma Kai I'm pretty sure Yeah Oh God Yeah You're talking What is

This little mouse Do you say Kai Sigma Kai? You tell me about Sigma Kai It's so close to the left I have to

can't read it oh god yeah oh god yeah oh god yeah yeah I push my sunglasses higher up my nose and he's linked all the way into the laptop waiting for the next line to go. I have to be prepared. I'm a professional. This is my life now with this fucking laptop.

Now come on, Harrison. It's time. I then heard footsteps behind me. And just before the world faded back in a darkness again, I finally remembered where I had seen Doug before. He was the man in the painting in the chapel at Camp Oakwood.

Uh-oh. Part five. Oh, oh, Doug looks like. Yeah. Shurino, right? Yeah. And remember, remember Doug was like, hey, don't trust anybody that looks like him.

The painting. And he's like, got it. If I see anyone that looks like this highly specific painting, I remember, I'll let you, you'll be the first to know. I saw it one time before I took a shit and a piss when I first got to the place in a dimly lit room. I remember as clear as day, Doug, thanks. Okay, Doug, I'll never look at a painting again.

I hate paintings now. Death with art, Doug. I'll never, I'll look at it. Okay, my dad, I think it wants to kill me, but I'm not sure, Doug. Yeah, my dad, my dad basically said that I was dead and he was really tired to him back to bed. It was awesome. I'll, I'll be completely honest, Doug. I'm so scared right now. Doug, you're goofy, ah, you're goofy a for real. It's funny to imagine. He's just like, everyone walks up, it's like, hi, I'm so scared. I keep forgetting things because I'm so scared. It's like the, the protagonist,

from the abandoned ship. Like every situation he gets in, he like shivers and throws up and runs. All right. Now's the end of part four. We're on to our final part. Final part, part five. And let's see the interesting conclusion to Camp Oakwood.

I woke in a dimly lit room. The back of my head was aching terribly. When I attempted to touch it, I discovered that I couldn't move my arms. I looked over and found that my arms were tied up. I then looked down and found my legs were tied up too. They were tied up so that I was lying on my back, spread eagle on whatever I was on.

No, please. Kill me. Shoot me in the head, please. Anything else? Okay, just kill me. Kill me. I'll do, I get literally anything else. You were talking.

fucking about carving me with the knife. That's awesome. I'm going to hold my breath till I die. I'm going to hold my breath till I die. Oh. Oh. I'm going to hold my breath until I die. It's such a childish way to kill you.

It's like a five-year-old stretch. Well, yeah. Well, they walk in. They're like, what's wrong? with him. Well, he's passed out seven times from trying to hold his breath until he died. They're like spit all over him. I'm going to hold my breath till I die. He keeps waking up and trying to do it again.

It's really sickening. I'm going to hold my breath to my die. He's so scared. He's reverting. a like childhood strategy. What's wrong, Marcus? Toria asked. You're absolutely pale.

Are you frightened? Light from the cell phone, I dropped reflected back into my face. Even with this light of my eyes, I could still make out the horrid figure looming before me. Did you say your God?

You worship that thing? The Looney Tunes lead in. Was unnecessary? What, man? That's how it's red. No, it's not. That's not in there anywhere. That's how I be.

If I saw a giant satanic statue, I'd do, oh my God! I do. Let's get out of here! And I'd run off, but I'd run in place for three seconds. And I'd run.

off it's what it would happen this story is not that bad how actually how much better would it be if it's really tunes if it was seriously like hey a pretty good read honestly all right sorry go ahead flawless love it what's up it hunter it doesn't deserve it yet i i will ironically say this is my favorite story so oh my god check it whatever The next scene showed George on a cliff from the same lake John committed suicide. He was about to commit suicide too. I thought he was going to jump off the cliff, but instead he pulled out a gun and shot himself. I'm surprised a lot of restraint did not say the specific model of gun as he has done twice.

Yeah, I like how the specific gun is extremely important. What's funny about it is the way they ride it in 1911 and 1887 is the same way those guns are written in Call of Duty. Are they really? Yeah, no one says in 1911. They just say 1911, unless you play cod zombies where it says in 1911. It's military terms. You don't get it. I love black off. I love black off so much. My dad's a, he, my dad's a truck driver. It feels pretty irrelevant. Yeah, I'm just saying he doesn't talk to me. He does he's on the road a lot. He's not a lot. but instead he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Very anti-climactic.

Yeah. Boring. Boring. I'm bored. At the end of the scene, the camera zoomed into the gun, and the gun was the same one Paul used to commit suicide. And on the side, it said, It takes two boards to kill two beetles. It skewed me a little bit.

It sends chills down my spine. I mean, guns can't talk. I mean, let's be real here. Think about it. I'll put up. Guys can't talk. This is fucking straight. Hitler, Hitler, Satan.

I can get behind. The vomit, all of a sudden, guns are speaking. This is freaky. The way it's, the way it's free. I'm fucking horrified. It says, I mean, guns, I mean, for fuck's sakes, people, think about it. Well, someone fucking just take a second to think about this.

This is creepy fucking stuff here. I challenge you, think of one instance in your life. I think of one time you've ever talked to a gun. Not even. I thought you, probably no times. The next scene showed Ringo in the hospital, dying of an unknown disease. Ringo cancer.

A little kid being like, and Ringo has total aid cancer. And his gun talks to him. I mean, think about that. So now that he opened, he's like, I'm 14. I think he aged himself up. Yeah. And the author's like 10, 11. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It definitely feels like this is like a 12 year old. He's like, for sure. So trust me, I'm 14. Yeah. So you can respect what I have to say. My teacher said I'm at a 14 year old reading level. yeah then the scene faded while the ending music played after about a minute another shot faded in it appeared to be in a dark hall all i hear was screams whistles yelling and gunshots

i soon found out that the hall was in a prison the scary part was that every time the lamp swings in the hall a black hooded figure appeared it wasn't long until i found out it was john with gray skin and red iris for a brief second, I thought he resembled trademark webcomic character, Carcat Vontas. There's no way. Trademark webcomic

character? I am immediately looking up who Carcat Vontas is, by the way. This is like in that one story where it's like, if you play Destiny, you would know. Hold on. Are you fucking kidding me? This is what Carcass Vontas? It's a homestead character.

Carcast vontas looks like this. Dude, no, no, do you know Homestock? No. That was a huge Tumblr series where it's like everyone wrote their own characters and OCs and like it was this big fan fiction where they talk to each other. That explains so much about what I'm reading right now. Car Cat Vantes, huh? Dude, straight up, straight up this being written by.

like a homestuck person makes so much sense and that's also the author's depiction of like the devil like that's what the grim reaper looks like big and scary he shouted I hope you enjoy your life

because my life is over including my friends all because of me John all because of me John Lennon of the Beatles the infamous John

linen of beetles from Liverpool. Imagine. Yeah, imagine all the carcass. Right behind him. You know, you know, our, because I know, those seven sisters, like our audience, there's some weird, some weird people out there. And I know a bunch of them were familiar with Homestuck.

When I said Cargad Vantons, that had to be, that had to be like a sleeper cell activation. Exactly. They're going to try They're going to try to fucking like kill somebody I grab a gun Surge of kill the prime minister Surge of women murderers across the United States

Click click click click In the crowd I could make out several people In grotesque Beatles cartoon designs John F. Kennedy Abraham Lincoln And Archduke France Literally everyone who has been assassinated to be transferred out of Austria

Literally everyone who has been shot Yep By the way What are the chances That Mark David Chapman comes up I The guy that killed John Lennon

Or the chances It has to It has to right It has to The really weird part Was that the prisoner That was right next to John Was Mark

Dude Oh Oh Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you are inside his brain oh yes i hit three for three on the stereo is this is this one of your stories that he wrote when you were younger no no okay because that was a pole no that was a bear trap and a half well i mean it's everyone getting assassinated and earlier when they were dying i'm like

he's the guy that shot john has to show up right he has to be in here somewhere he has to sure enough Oh, man. I look closely at the bottom of the word because, and I paused to see that the episode was actually called the Beatles cartoon, because of John, they're dead. I was about to take the tape out until the VCR caught on fire. Oh! Imagine. I got my grieving mom in a fire extinguisher. We put out the fire and discovered that somehow the VCR was still okay because we put in more tapes in and they managed to work.

But the only thing that was destroyed by the fire was the tape and it was the tape that started the fire. Why would the, why do you need the PCR to work? Why write that at all? My disappointed mother and I went back to the collector. What's with his mom? I know. This bitch is going through it though. Good Lord.

Get this one of some happy pills, for love of God. Maybe, maybe the author is just so used to a disappointed mother. He doesn't know how else to ride her. Listen, Bob, you're going to be disappointed. Okay. Disappointed mother. This close, I could smell his column. his face freshly shaved he was a good-looking man tall and dark with broad shoulders

and always looked up to him and admired his physicality yeah dad i'll be good so i'm not gonna i'm not gonna say anything yet because like any other story i wouldn't give that a second thought but just because well he's just a giant neon sign had to be getting to the story we had multiple stories like wee we yeah yeah j turned and took a plate, slowly walking it over to staying in front of my dad. My father looked him over, shaking his head, his mouth twisting into a grimace.

They didn't raise a pig. But if you insist on being one, you're going to eat like one. This is rough. It's even a horror story? It's just sad. Hey, thanks for inviting me out on her. They're all back in person reading this, huh?

Perry's like, guys, I know a great story. This would be a good thing. dude honestly this is gonna the whole everyone's gonna love it this one it'll kill zero notes so scraping globs of spaghetti into the trash i heard my father say jay can you go around to the back of the house and get me a brick don't don't like that don't like anything while he's looking at his wife there too of my mom if it is what for pops Gee, Dad, what is it? Jay, can you get me a frying pan?

Go to my study and get the katana. Jay, can you go to my study and get the keyblade? What are you want the key blade for, Dad? And get me Mickey's Shield. Can you get me? What the fucking is? It's really into King of Hearts. I was kidding, well, paraphernalia.

fucking get me goofy's boots as well dad what are you talking about turns into a violent torture porn kingdom hearts kingdom where did you even get kingdom it was just up there somewhere and you just

grabbed it as it went by I don't know okay I don't know I heard my brother get up and open the side door to the house The hinge is creaking in their familiar way. Henry, what's wrong? I heard my mom asked in a hushed voice. Even as I sponged up the mess, I could hear the fear in her voice.

My dad didn't respond. I finished wiping sauce from the floor just as Jay shuffled back into the house. He yelled a brick in his hands, dirt staining his fingers. Cast down eyes, he brought it to my father, placed it on the table next to him. My dad turned to the both of us, his voice, cold steel. Now both of you go to your room for the night I'm going to fuck your mother Here's Harry

Get him in here I'm gonna fuck your mother What's you doing with that brick Can you? Where is Harry What's you doing with that brick? Hold on this meeting your mom We're playing Bob the builder Okay

Can he fix it? We need We need to Why do you can call mom's vagina the chimney No, bad Bad, bad. You're not, you don't, don't tumble. This is not funny. This is not you. This is very bad. And not go. We closed the door to our bedroom and stared at each other. We could hear our dad yelling loudly in the kitchen. His voice rising. Jay covered his ears and ran to his bed, collapsing into his pillow.

I went to him and put a hand on his back as he cried. Sobs muffled in the cotton. Then I heard my mom start to scream. I felt tears spill from her. gosh it's like uh it's such an unnecessary amount of description of like the weeping and just the like it's excessive extremely excessive again harry that's a good one start with that one put it on the docket before we're done recording he needs to come stand in here he's going to have to have to have something. He's going to have to pay for his crimes about. We've got to put him on trial. My father was against the back wall, clutching his side and howling his blood bubbled from his shirt. Jay stood next to him, weeping, screaming, his right arm soaked with blood up to his elbow.

He was holding a rusty box cutter. It's a blade dripping. Don't hurt Tommy. Don't hurt Tommy! There you go. Don't do that. You're dead, mad man. Sorry, Dad. But all of all, I just,

Harry, actually, you know what, Harry, Harry, come over here. What was the justification for reading this one? Was it just because it was an Elias with a row piece? No, hold on, get up here. Let him use your mic. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Look at this walk of shame coming in here.

We were supposed to, we were supposed to read Shell Silversteins where those sidewalk and earlier, I'm like, how about this one? You're like, that's a good one. So what about this story made you? Well, hold on. In my defense, I did make the list, although you pick this story from the top of the list. So it was Isaiah, who's a real choice. No, no, no, no, no, my mic now, he, he had a list of six stories, all of which

were reading during this trip. And he goes, which should we do first? Oh, I see. And I'm like, oh, we'll start with the lias. This was on a list of six that he compiled. That part is true. I will, I, that part is true. This is the first time in podcast history, where the, where the producer has to defend themselves.

Like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I just want to say that can we confirm that you did pick it from the top of it. It was my list. It was my botched list, but you did pick it from the top. Was it was a blind fire because it was a lies with row. Was it a blind fire? So, wait.

Can I. Yes. Well, I let me explain. At the beginning, he said, I also wonder what happened to the heart. He's so hot right now. Can I. Can I at least, I was not here. I'm hot because you're like, Isaiah did this.

Okay, for the record, looking at the camera, Isaiah did not do this. Can I at least get the line read? Because part of the whole reason I picked this story is because I wanted to hear the quintessential line. I'm going to fuck your mom. I miss, I wasn't here when that, I was doing chores. Wait, so you didn't read that part? No, I did. I said, I didn't. Oh, you want me to read it out loud?

He's saying he picked the story so that there would be a soundbiz. I thought it'd be funny. I thought it'd be funny. You know what? I think you, I think you put us in a little bit of rough pumpkins. I think people are going to be, I think people are going to be upset. I think that is an absurd reason. Okay, this one won't come out for a while. Yeah, it's fucked up.

By the time this comes out, we're going to be like, oh, fuck, I forgot about that one. Well, there's your story. guys. Thanks for the, uh, hey, seriously, I hope none of you guys fucking, thank you guys, I hope none of you guys get fucking razor wire on your fucking dick and your fucking, hey, I, and hey, hey, by the way, also, I'm gonna fuck your mom tonight with this fucking rusty shovel. All right, bye. Is that hit? That's good, I think. That's it. It appears you actually believe a woman and a drug addict could single-handedly dismantle a business this size, so you must be fucking stupid.

And that makes me feel sorry for you. So why don't you just hand over the gun and go back to the ghetto you crawled out of? I push myself to my knees. No. Got to say. Told him. Well, I like how you read it too.

No. And you know what? That pissed me off if I was the dad to him like, what? No. No. And you know what? Given some of the story's decisions lately, I'm not changing it. That's the reading we're going with. No? Are you dog shit insane, son?

You broke into my house, destroy pictures of my daughter, and beat up my wife. You're lucky you're still alive. I've killed children for less. We're so close. It's like, I got to keep it together. I feel like I just, like,

opened a baby diaper. Like, yeah, like the grossness of me. There's been, like, a faint smell brewing, and then you're just, like, all of a sudden, you're like, and looking at him now I didn't doubt it you need to die then by all means take your shot the sheriff swept out his arms mockingly

you know we know you only have one round or two left because yesterday we heard you have 15 shots into the fucking trees his deputies laughed but the sheriff remained sober just remember boy your end better be true because when you come with the king you better not miss god

okay we're gonna we're gonna get through this we're gonna make it through this me and you I'm I'm holding back we're close

we're very close we're very close because of those girls things they said you did exactly I was making money they were getting laid they were 14

14's older than you think, Sam. And it's not like I touched them. So this is... What? I wore a suit. Just listen. Just listen. Is this not comical?

No, listen to this line. So this is what you wanted all along? A great big rape. What have I become? A great, big rape empire. My sweetest friend. Yeah. And you could have it all.

Literally, I feel like I want to look up at my empire of rape. The book of Barasca is sitting there. It's like just burning exactly. My empire of rape. I will let you down I will make you rape What hell is this This organization

So this is what you wanted all along A great big rape empire I can't be expected to read that correctly There's no way All right The sheriff The gosh the sheriff shrugged

if that's what it takes I'm only here for the power and the women I'm an alpha Sam whoa I'm done I'm done what

what the fuck I'm an alpha what at one point was that what this was about Boo! What are we doing? I'm an alpha! I rape myself today

to see if I could rape to see if I'd still come. Good God. This... Oh, I can't sit down. It's still work. Give me more credit. I'm stronger than you think.

Strong enough to take a bolt to the head and lift through it. Should we just like ham it up from here on in? I don't know how I could possibly take this seriously anymore. I say ham. Go full ham. I literally think after the alpha line, I just don't see how you could ever... All right, so we're cartoon mode. All right, got it.

All right. me more credit. I'm stronger than you think. Dude, you sound like Shinji. Yeah. That's impressive. That's fucked up. That was her really great Shinji impression. Who's Shinji? The main kid from Avangelian. Oh.

It sounds like that. Strong enough to take a bolt to the head and lift through it. Are you? Sheriff expression darkened. Sam, you. Oi boss Look what I caught looking around I mean it says

Oi boss I mean it is written like A boss I caught something Looking around the forest Over here Are we getting punked Is this like

Did we click like a joke link or something? I just want to put the preface up again Can I preface really quick? Yeah Behind them in the snow is hundreds of women of women and children being raped

in a factory man and a meat grinder and a meat grinder killing people yeah and then they are outside smoking stogies acting like their

vaudeville like cartoon like cartoon villains villains okay I heard you turn into a looker but I'd yet to confirm it for my

Myself. Hello again, sweetheart. Sheriff walked over to Kimber, ran his fingers along the side of her face. She recoiled at his touch. Don't you touch her! I screamed and screamed. That's fucked. That actually made me so uncomfortable. Don't you touch her?

You would fucking kill working for Crunchyroll, dude. If you weren't for Funimation or Crunchyroll, you would fucking kill. If there's somebody out there making an anime, you gotta get this motherfucker in. I screamed and scrambled to my feet. Greg shoved the barrel of his gun into the back of my head. Sit the fuck down. Watch a tempest, Sammy. You're fucking this wild Philly?

That's my boy. I can't. Every other sentence that gets worse. You fucking this wild Philly? That's my boy. At least I don't know you didn't turn into a. homo in prison. There's no way.

You know what your problem is saying? You're not mad enough to take what you want. You're not strong enough to say, fuck what's polite. Fuck the consequences. is fuck the law. You're a cop. You're a cop.

You're a cop. See? Now there's some spirit. I have help. Look around you, Sammy. You gesture to the 14 men standing in a half circle around me. I'm a sultan. There, he's on my governor's, and this is my harem. Kill yourself.

I'm starting to think you're not going to come around, Sam. Oh, my God. This is also going on so long. Oh, my gosh. This is going on so long. It's got, dude, there's two, there's three whole chapters after we get that with this one. Yeah. That's insane.

I'll never be a part of this. I will never see. stop trying to kill you. Well, I'm really sorry to hear that. That's a pity. Looks like you're going to have to be broken in like a horse. Kind of wish you'd left DeStarro girl alive now. Kill yourself.

He said that. He can't say, fuck you. Kill yourself. You say another fucking word like that to me, and I'm going to execute you right here on your fucking knees. The sheriff's men seemed to lean in smelling blood in the water. I knew this was that. If you want to be dead,

you would have already shot me. are you sure about that the sheriff has and leveled his gun on my forehead why don't you pull that gun on me and find out oh I'm sure about that you need me through the sea of your bullshit I see the truth

it's a pride thing you want your son taking over your business you want another walker in charge he's on Connor from low on the spectrum he doesn't yeah doesn't it I've got to make this

little bit enjoyable somehow i've got to figure it out oh the sheriff's mouth spread into a wide smile but he didn't lower his gun i can make another son you could but you want me you want to break me you want to mold me into you because that way you win oh i've already want, I am. No, I have, you're a slave to your... Ha ha ha! This is insane! You're a slave to your own hubris! You're a slave to your own hubris! God, I just wish you would have just kept reading the sunbat. I knew I was going into shock. I pulled my hands away from my jacket and saw that they were

covered in thick, warm blood. laughing died immediately and the sheriff took a step in my direction. What in the hell? Kill yourself. It works. Just to think you're on the floor. I really hope they edit you with like a white button up and jeans or whatever. I'm just bleeding out.

Yeah. There's blood for it. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Just shing on the ground. I hate you, dad. I hate you, dad. Kill yourself for real.

By the time he put it all together and looked over at her, Kimber was already standing where they left her discarded in the snow. She was staring at the sheriff down the sides of the Breda, and before anyone could react, Kimber, squeeze the trigger and killed her monster. So Kimber shot is dad in the head, and I don't even care. Whoa. That's so cool. Imagine if that would have happened three chapters ago.

Yeah, and not during this whole escapade. Imagine if I didn't have to read that stupid diatripe for that long. It's your hubris, dad. It's, you're a victim of your hubris. I'm a human being talking to my dad. You're a victim of your hubris, dad. I live in 1574. Kill yourself.

Kill yourself. That's Shakespeare. You're a victim of your own hubris. Kill yourself. That's the plot of Hamlet, right? I'm pretty sure. You're a dick, St. Walker. So what did it have in it?

It was a care package from Seth. He sent me video cameras. Why? For what? Remember the night I disappeared with the car for several? Why would he not just tell her that? This is so stupid. Remember the night I disappeared with the car for, I don't know. Okay, it doesn't matter.

Yeah. Remember the night I disappeared with the car for several hours? Yes. I used the directions Jimmy Prescott gave me to find Barrasca too. They called Baroscow too. Oh, gosh. Emphasis on was. Kimber smiled.

I couldn't fault her for being happy he was dead. and even though he was my father, I was too. So they didn't tell you anything, huh? The only thing that would tell me is that you were alive and that, and that's only because I started throwing cutlery at them. I laughed. Well, like,

Jesus Christ, that's the scariest thing from today. Holy shit. God damn. Shinji after he fucking destroys all of mankind. I think I'm still depressed, but it's okay.

I don't know where that came from. I'm so mad. The bowels of hell. I'm actually so mad. It's funny just with this whole story. For days, which means if he has been sedated for all this time, like Jimmy said,

he might not be anymore. Kimmer coughed at her hands, but it sounded more like a suppressed sob. I put my arm around her. Are you okay? God. Kill me, God. You know this is our job?

Like being here right now, this is our career path. Oh, fuck. What did I do? Oh, God. Me setting in your floor. me she began shaking her head i can't i just can't say i walked over and gave kimbra a hug it's okay it's gonna be fine i said like she's walking around with sonic the hedgehog like overly happy yeah two-dimensional anime character yes i've never heard the born from science one i don't think

but I do remember there being a bunch of like different Jane the Killer stories but I don't remember that specific the born from science thing but she had liquid hate she had perfect blood she had perfect blood

well honestly I don't know if the rip off the fake trading on the good name of Jane the killer I don't know if it was Hey what the hell hey you can't go mess it with this this is the original text guys thank you so much for watching today

that killed me Can we read, even if it's for Patreon, can we at some point read Jane versus Jeff? Please, let me have this. Just, I think you're different to you and I. Thanks for audio listeners on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Thank you for our patrons. We have some extra content over there.

Feel free to come over. We're streaming games and we're... Cruel to heroes. We're... We'll see next time. You think this is a game. You think this is a game? I remember this one.

I'm leaving. I'm leaving.