CreepCast - If You're Armed At the Glenmont Metro, Please Shoot Me | Creep Cast

Episode Date: December 22, 2024

After a series of recording misfortunes, this title spoke to Hunter. In Peter Frost David's tale, time is moving too slow to bear. After a man participates in an experimental drug trial, he is forced ...to reach out to have the public put him out of his misery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It is the cold habitual and it is the cold of the cold at his summit. Cozlight
Starting point is 00:00:08 T'enfe of a fashion responsible, you have to have the age legal
Starting point is 00:00:12 for consuming alcohol. You're know, a bha a, the
Starting point is 00:00:18 uh, the You're doing the welcome back. I have, there's no will left after what we've been through this morning. Which mind you, it's been, it's now been an hour. Over a little over an hour. Welcome back to Creepcast. There, did I do it?
Starting point is 00:00:48 Write it up. That's fine. Today, we are going to be reading a story called if you're armed and at the Glenmont Metro, please shoot me. Indicative of how I feel. today for these recordings. Do you want to tell the audience one? I have no will. You're going to have to
Starting point is 00:01:05 spill the beans and I just need to emotionally chime in when I can. So we we went to, we've went to five different stories. We've recorded two of them. We started to record dialogue for two of them. We started to record
Starting point is 00:01:18 the first one, which is one you guys have recommended we read forever and Hunter hated it. I have the recording that may eventually see the light of day he immediately began to crash out he got so upset and he's like we have to change stories we have to go something else so we find another story he likes and we start reading it but then the author of the story has posted like in giant letters across their Reddit like
Starting point is 00:01:44 I will take you down if you read this story uh or like if you read this story without first getting permission so we had to ask for permission and now we're waiting to hear back on that and then we looked at all these other stories and they all had like individual problems it's been over an hour I've said this story twice now or three or four five an infinite amount of times yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:02:11 we are in the end of the year of doing this show we have some obligations we have to do as well and also just want to make sure that you guys feel like you got enough content for the month as well but I leave the country this week going to be gone on vacation doing
Starting point is 00:02:27 uh going to Japan hand and um my my soul is there already i'm like it's kind of like whenever you know something's coming up you're kind of just checked out that's how it feels now here's the thing about the story we read we read earlier and i don't want to say the name because i don't want to i don't want to crash out again i don't want to freak out but we could revisit it in the future maybe i'll you know better mindset or whatever but it has been you know we are i am here to make sure that we deliver a nice show but my god is it pulling teeth. So I'm here to be a good little boy during this recording no matter what to make sure that
Starting point is 00:03:03 this gets fucking done and that we can end this year on a nice upbeat note. And I will say that if you're armed at the Glenmont Metro, please shoot me. It's a great title. And I think I'm pretty sure that we're going to do something similar to did for the Whistler, which is, because this is a short story, this is pretty short. So I think we're going to try to read a couple by this author. Are there a couple from this guy? But it also seems like there is, if we like this, There are two following, like, addendum parts to this story. So we could just read those two. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:35 So we could just pick and choose how we go about this. So the story is written by Reddit user Sarcarsanomicon. Sarcassanomicon, I believe is how it said. His name is Peter Frost David. And he has an interesting website called A New Kind of Monster. And across the entire website, it's like him, theorized like the best monsters that could be created for stories. He has like a store. He has different stories based on abominations, different realities and stuff like that. And it also seems
Starting point is 00:04:11 that he has a series of books that you can get on Amazon. He has one called Second Death, Do Not Speak the Names of the Dead, which I think is part of a greater collection of what we're talking about today, like this story. And then he has two others called kubai nix and another one called unscaped uh and both of those like ones called unscaped a medieval cyber security incident so a bunch of interesting titles and stuff seems like a cool author so check his workout yeah peter david cross it goes pretty hard this is uh probably the last episode of the year um for creepcast we might do a little uh just another little piece of content that we've been wanting to try for a bit um as well
Starting point is 00:04:58 for this month. But if you guys can to support the channel since I've been a good little boy this year, go to, I've even said that line four times now. Listen to this on Spotify. Listen to us on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and give us a rating there. It sincerely does help us. And when we do climb the podcast charts and stuff, it does help. And, you know, just food for thought.
Starting point is 00:05:22 You know, if you want to give us any little cute Christmas gifts this year, maybe just listen to this episode so you don't have to see my face get beat red with rage you know what I'm so mad I'm so happy with my outfit for audio listeners out there I have orange sunglasses on look like porno sunglasses
Starting point is 00:05:40 my porno mustache I have a nice beautiful hooter shirt on I was like I woke up this morning a little tired but I was like I'm ready to get it like today's gonna be a good day and immediately immediately I have questioned because he was so happy about his outfit in the first recording
Starting point is 00:05:56 Like he was like I've got my fit on I'm looking cool and stuff like it was so upbeat and now it's just like a child telling you he got like expelled from school today Not even expelled from school. It's like I feel like the fat ugly kid who doesn't get invited to his friend's birthday party and everyone else is Talking about the birthday party around me and I feel like a fucking Neanderthal. That's what it feels like. That's how I feel right now sitting here. And this this story Isaiah needs to reel me in. So I say, let's do it let's see if we can't turn the tides on today and get this recording going all right so let's go we'd like to take a minute to thank today's sponsor rocket money i guarantee that you would be surprised by how much money you're spending on unneeded subscriptions and with christmas around the corner it's time to be spreading holiday cheer instead of your wallet while today's sponsor rocket money is here to help rocket money is an easy-to-use app that helps you save more and manage your money
Starting point is 00:06:54 better. I love using Rocket Money to help me set budgets. Trust me, I love spending my money on Sonic costumes and Night Vision goggles as much as the next guy. And like any good YouTuber, I am bad at budgeting and make someone else do it for me. That's because with Rocket Money, you can create a customized budget in just seconds. It even lets you break your spending down into categories so you can visualize where you might be spending too much or where you can afford more. Rocket Money also helps to automate your savings. It automatically analyzes your accounts to determine the optimal time to save so you can reach your goals faster. All of this gets me one step closer of my eventual goal of buying Hunter for all he's worth
Starting point is 00:07:29 and finally escaping this purgatory of a podcast. So take control of your finances today and head to rocketmoney.com slash creepcast or click the link in the description to get started for free. That is right for free at rocketmoney.com slash creepcast to get in on this incredible offer today. Thank you so much to Rocket Money for sponsoring the show. It means the most. And now, the word from Hunter. If you're armed and at the Glenmont Metro, please shoot me.
Starting point is 00:07:54 make it a headshot shoot me in the temple i mean slightly downwards i need the bullet to travel the shortest possible distance from my brain before it hits my hippocampus if i'm lucky the sensation of the gunshot ripping through my skull will only last a few decades this sounds like you right now already i that's what my that's what the perpetual hell i'm in already is that sitting down to open up reddit slash r slash no sleep it feels like a thousand years is what it feels like so good on you I do want to say that's a sick way to end it. It will only last a few decades. It's kind of fucked, right?
Starting point is 00:08:29 Yeah, look at that. Look how quick this one hooked you. We'll see that. You know what? I'm trying to be a positive little, little bear. All right. I'm proud of you,
Starting point is 00:08:36 little bear. As awful as this sounds, you'll be doing me an enormous favor. Death by a headshot as soon as possible is vastly better than the alternative. My ordeal started over 10,000 years ago at 1015 this morning. Okay, that's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:08:53 That goes kind of hard, right? Was he a caveman? No, he's saying 10,000 years ago at 10.15 this morning, as in 1015 this morning was 10,000 years ago. Oh, I see. Okay. I earn extra money by participating in drug trials. I'm a so-called healthy subject
Starting point is 00:09:10 who takes experimental drugs to help assess side effects. Once it was a kidney drug, a few times it's been something for blood pressure, cholesterol. This morning, they told me the drug I took was a psychoactive substance intended to accelerate brain. function. Oh, that's kind of fun. You're like drug, not to get too sidetrack, but like drug testing, like pharmaceutical drug testing. I would never do it. I don't care how much of a in a pinch I am. I would be too afraid. There's too much crazy shit that they make too. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:09:41 I mean, logistically, yes, but some people, I, yes, some people need the money, but even then some people don't know like the level of like how much drugs can mess you up, right? Well, yeah. I feel bad for a little bit, and that's it. Yeah. Well, I'm like, I will just assume that everything's, I don't know. There's nothing where they're just like, well, it's just, you know, this is just a vitamin or what I wouldn't trust it with any, like any fiber of my being. Absolutely not. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Also, here's another thing. I would gladly shoot somebody in the head if they were saying yes. I knew you were going to, I knew you were going to go somewhere with that in a second. if someone asked me to shoot them in the head. Yeah, if somebody was just like, hey, by the way, meet me at the mall tomorrow. You don't, let's sit it up. Let's meet me at the mall tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:10:32 I'm going to, I want you to just go there. Everyone else knows you're not going to get arrested. That's just the most convenient place for me to be. I want you to put it in the back of my temple, point it down slightly and shoot it into my brain. I think I should be doing, doing me a big favor. Thanks, buddy. You want to get arrested.
Starting point is 00:10:48 He, clean, conscious, would you do it? I don't think that makes it legal. I think you're still wanted for murder if you do that. Let's just say in this world it is. No, I would not kill someone because they wanted me to. All right. It would have to be like a mercy kill. It'd have to be like I would do that if say, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:11:15 we were in like an apocalyptic scenario and someone's like ripped in half. Like they're not going to make it. it, you know, like put them down. If I was on my farm and I was underneath a tractor, would you, would you, no, would you kill me? No, absolutely. What do you mean? If we, if you were on your farm, you're underneath the tractor, I'm calling an ambulance.
Starting point is 00:11:36 There's no tie by saying, just, you know, grab the gun. That's not how that works. I say, I'm in pain. It is 2024. We have, there's hospitals you can go to. I'm not going to make it. I think, fine. It's funny.
Starting point is 00:11:50 in my head because like your legs ran over like the rest of you's fine. Yeah, no. In my mind, it's the giant tires on my sternum. It's like almost impossible for me to be talking, but I'm like, I can't end it. Please. For me, for me,
Starting point is 00:12:07 okay, for me to shoot you in that scenario, it's got to be like your ribcage down is gone. Let's say my, it's not gone, but it's like you can kind of see my gutty works. We can, we can fix that. I don't think I, you can't. People get like, people get, uh, there's a name for it.
Starting point is 00:12:27 I forget, but you can get, um, amputated from the hips down. Like you can lose your pelvis and still be okay. I wouldn't want that life, dude. If I don't have my cock balls and asshole, there's no way. I would say, I say, I don't have my cock anymore or my balls or my asshole. Shoot me. I'd be like, wow, I'll be like, wow, Hunter. Kill me.
Starting point is 00:12:47 You know what? I'm not going to lie. If I got to live with no fucking. cock, balls, or asshole. I would kill you. That's what I would do. I would say, you fucking kidding me. And I would, I would kill you with a knife. Here's a crazy idea. What if you killed yourself? Why do I have to be the one to do it? Because I, here's the thing. I don't have, to, to forcibly do it to yourself. I don't think I have the gumption. I would need someone to assist me. Could I kill someone else out of pure rage? Probably. But I don't think I could ever,
Starting point is 00:13:18 I don't think I could pull the knife or gun on myself. So you're saying you'd have no problem killing me. I think if you left me in a state where my cock and balls and asshole are squashed like a bug. Why do you need the, the asshole? Why is that a requirement? I'm sorry. Do you not like a, do you not like a nice morning shit? You can still, okay, I'm saying that like, okay, I get, I get the, I'm not going to leak into a bag and have that be satisfying, dude.
Starting point is 00:13:47 to tell you because you're young and that's fun and that's like what drives a lot of your thoughts and it'd be frustrating to live without it. I'm saying like, why does a colostomy bag decide the difference between life or death to you? I didn't say it was just the colossomy bag. I'm saying it's a collection. If I, if I'm under a tractor, right? Right. If I'm under a tractor and I'm like, oh, oh, I like lift up my neck a little bit and I see that my cock, my balls and my ass are squashed like a bug, that would drive me to a place where I'm like, you need to put me down. Okay. Like a like a 16 year old lab.
Starting point is 00:14:22 Like I mean like there's no reason. Okay. Okay. In your, okay, for one, how do I explain that to the cops? Right. I would write a note. I thought he would. I thought he was dead.
Starting point is 00:14:32 I would write a note. That does not how that works. And I think you shot yourself and wrote a note, that'd be fine. If I shoot you and then you write, if, if you write a note and then I shoot you, that's not going to hold up in court. I think, okay, well, then what about this? What if you take out your phone and I say, I Hunter Hancock. That is definitely not going to hold up in court.
Starting point is 00:14:53 That looks like an ISIS beheading video. If I like pull out a phone and make you record on camera and then shoot you in your, on your land under your tractor, absolutely not. What if I sat there and I started the video by saying, are you recording? Okay, good. Okay. What if why do I, why do I need to be the one? just you can die yourself look if you get injured so you would you would rather you would rather you are probably going to die you are going to you are going to i think i think i am going to
Starting point is 00:15:24 die by the thing i'm saying is i'm like please end my suffering please i can't so you what what i'm saying what i'm saying to you is like i know i'm going to die so for you to call somebody would do nothing like i'm going to die please end this for me that's what i mean there this is this is a scenario where there's no chance of survival. And even if there was, and I was a person with no asshole balls or I would stay still. Okay, look. Okay, let's let's change this. Let's say this is in a no like like an infrastructure breakdown, right? Like I can't call an ambulance, right? Sure. Because that that would be the decision maker. Because if, if there is a micro percentage of a chance you could live, I would not kill you. Right. Even if I was like, Isaiah, I have no point to
Starting point is 00:16:11 live, I will resent you for the rest of my life. No, just because a friend wants, uh, is like once to die doesn't mean I grant them that. Because what I would do you that favor. No, no, no, look at this. What if like this is a couple years from now. Okay, what if, what if you, what if you had a child, right, during this scenario and then like you, you, you abandon the child like, no, I'm not letting you do that just because you want to go in the second. A bad of the child with no cock, balls, or asshole. What kind of father figure could I be? I can't teach my boy. Why's father figure? A teacher. A soul of my hands? No, no. No. I don't think so. I would, I, your son is going to appreciate
Starting point is 00:16:51 that I didn't shoot you in a field. I would think that he doesn't even have to know with this could be our secret. He doesn't have to know that dad has a bullet in his forehead. Okay, look, listen, back to what I'm saying. I can't patch you up if you're, if you're ripped up from like, you know, rip cage down. And I doubt. we would have the resources to do that if there was no ambulance police. So if this was like an apocalyptic scenario and you were ripped in half, I would shoot
Starting point is 00:17:18 you. Is that what you want? That's a good enough for me. Okay. If I can call the police, I'm not doing it. Okay. Well, first off, if it's an apocalyptic scenario, there probably is no police. I'm saying that if they, if
Starting point is 00:17:34 they, if I think that under the right circumstances isn't under the right pressure, I think I could get you to do it. That's what I'm going to. That's where I'll end it. I don't think it'd be easy. I don't think that.
Starting point is 00:17:47 If I, like I said, if I had no means of getting you to a hospital or like an ambulance or something like that, then I would do it. Yes. I would sit there and I'd just be looking at you like this. I'd put my hands up and I'd be like,
Starting point is 00:18:00 oh. Say, like I said, but you just don't do it. No way to Isaiah. Like that. I think you could get you. I would sit there.
Starting point is 00:18:09 You can't, you're my angel. So I'd say, you're my angel. I would sit there. I would sit there and I would cry with you and I would pray with you. Be by angel. And I would you. Stop, stop saying that just kill me, Isaiah. You're trying to talk and stuff.
Starting point is 00:18:24 I'm like, stop. Shh. Just put a bowl in my head. Put a bowl in my head. But I'd say like that. Please. It hurts. Oh, it hurts.
Starting point is 00:18:36 God. And then for you to have the gumption to even like visit me in the hospital afterwards. I'd be like, you don't, you never look at me again, I'd say, the only way that gets justified is if you buy me, if you buy me, if you buy me robot legs and then somehow I'm able to get my cock balls and asshole back. Okay, you're not getting those three things back, but the, you can get prosthetics. That's what I'm saying. You can still exist. You can still make art. Not me. Listen, I know people can. People are braver and stronger than I am, my not me. I'm saying that I know
Starting point is 00:19:11 myself enough to know that there's no way. You, Hunter, you have a great life without your genitals. No. If I can't, it's not even like remotely sexual. It's like some of it, well, it is, it is partly,
Starting point is 00:19:28 but I just mean that some of it is more so like a nice piss. You're, I mean, like, if there are, there are greater things to life than that. I mean, there is. I'm just saying, that that's a that's a large it'd be the same thing if i was blind i don't think i could i don't think i could live as a blind man i'll be honest i do not think i could do it people that do that i'm like you could survive any amount of torture i feel like or being deaf even
Starting point is 00:19:56 i do not bear i do not bode well with adversity is what i'm saying i can see that clearly okay look i'm not i'm not shooting you i take it back even in the apocalypse is want you can bleed okay that's my new take yeah i will i will pray with you i will mourn with you i will watch over i will watch over alison and any family you have i will take care i'll make sure they are taking care of but i will not kill you i think that's i think that's extremely selfish is i think that i would sit if i was in there and i was like oh oh you're you're praying around me and i was like uh uh oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah Kill me.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Okay, let's flip the script. What happens if I'm under the tractor? Go ahead and ask me like how, however you would ask me to, to do it or. Hunter, if you and I were out at my house and I had a tractor, piece of equipment, whatever, follow me, and I was, like, flattened from the... Boom! I would have done it already, see? what if i'm like no i think i can i think i can live i think they can cut me off well the the gut
Starting point is 00:21:16 you'd be dead so i would just be like he asked me to do it even if i think i think i can make it i think i and then people would come up and they'd be like well how do we know i'd be like well what did i do drive a tractor on top of him after i fucking shot him in the head i'm like no he's my buddy he's in pain i put him down there's no wife to live look at his asshole like then then they the camera would look over and then people would look over they'd see your asshole prolapsed out squashed like a bug and i'm like what kind of life is that he doesn't want to live like that okay and then you know how you're like i would make sure your family's taking care of then they'd sit there and i would hoard all of i would not give kela any rights to anything oh and i'd be like
Starting point is 00:22:00 I'd be like listen I had business with your husband but not particularly you and I would keep the gun and I would keep the bullet casing that I killed you with and I would do like a broke back mountain thing and then to broke back mountain
Starting point is 00:22:12 when he like has the shirt of the guy that he loved I'd look at it and I would like you know I'd say you son of a bitch like that so you would kill me and leave Kayla to rot you would leave my family to just fin for themselves
Starting point is 00:22:26 yeah well it's a traumatic thing you know I'm not thinking clearly yeah clearly so okay let me put it this way hunter yeah i can still do this podcast if i lose my my waist down right so if you shoot me underneath that tractor your paycheck here's gone that's true i would not continue and i want to put this on record now i would not continue the show if you were gone so in that case would you think twice before shooting me No, I mean, I'd figure, oh, I'm thinking selflessly, Isaiah, you know, I'm not thinking about the business. I'm thinking about my friend suffering. Because you're such a good friend.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Okay. Well, I'd like to think so. Okay, all right. I'm going to, can I read the story now? I forgot that we're even reading a story. I forgot. Yeah. Well, I'm glad to know. See, I think people are going to want to know that. You know, I think it's going to help an emotionally tie in with whatever happens in this story. That's what I got to say. None of the drugs I tested so far have ever done anything for me in the recreational sense. In other words, none of the drugs I've tested have given me a killer buzz or mellowed me out or anything. Maybe I've always ended up the placebo group, but nothing I've tested had affected me at all. Today's drug was different.
Starting point is 00:23:41 This shit worked. They gave me a pill at 1015 and told me to hang out in the waiting room until they called me back for some test. Only about 30 minutes, the research assistant told me. I flopped onto the waiting room couch and read a few articles from a copy of psychology today that was sitting on the coffee table. then it called me back when I finished the psychology today so I picked up a US news and read it cover to cover then I read an old scientific American what was taking them so damn long
Starting point is 00:24:10 I sulkishly turned my head to look at the wall clock it was only 1030 it was only 1023 a.m. I had read all three magazines in eight minutes I remember thinking this was going to be a long day I was right the waiting room had little bookshelf with some used hard covers on it when i stood up to walk to the bookshelf it felt like my legs barely worked it's not that they were weak they were just slow took a full minute
Starting point is 00:24:41 just to stand up off the couch and another minute to take two steps to the bookcase i scanned the old books on the shelf and picked out a copy of moby dick my arms had the same problems as my legs just reaching one foot in front of me to grab the book took a long time. Actually, got bored just waiting for my hand to reach the spine of the book. I slogged back to the couch and collapsed onto it in a slow motion fall that reminded me of the low gravity hops of astronauts on the moon. I opened to Moby Dick slowly and began reading. I started with, call me a shmell and got as far as Ahab throwing his pipe into the sea,
Starting point is 00:25:20 which was all the way to the freaking chapter 30 before they called me back. how are you feeling research assistant asked me i feel slow actually it's the other way around everything seems slow because you're fast but my legs my arms are moving in slow motion your body seems like it's moving slowly because your brain is fast your brain is running 10 or 20 times faster than normal you're thinking and perceiving reality as an as an as an accelerated pace but your body is still constrained by the laws of biomechanics frankly you're moving much faster than a normal person
Starting point is 00:26:01 but your brain oh your brain is running so much faster right now that even your fast walk seems very slow to you that just freak me out that'll be fucked can you imagine that especially because it's a drug so you're like well i guess i have to live with this now you know yeah i have you know i did this is my this is my reality for a bit even the idea though of like that much time passing. It's weird. It's kind of like a, uh, it seems like a monkey paul kind of, uh, operation, doesn't it? Like a, you know, I wish time like, I wish I had more time and then that this is your reality. I wish I had more hours in the day and it's like, yeah, yeah, exactly. I thought about my slow motion flop onto the waiting room couch.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Even if my muscles had slowed down, my body would still react to gravity the same way. But in the waiting room, I even fell in slow motion. Slow muscles couldn't explain why gravity seemed weaker. My brain was going at warp 10. That's how I managed to read three magazines and the first 30 chapters of Moby Dick in 15 minutes. They ran a series of test on me. The physical tests were fun. It made me juggle three balls, then four, then six.
Starting point is 00:27:14 I had no problem keeping six balls in the air because they seemed to be moving so slowly. It was boring, frankly, waiting for each ball to move through its arc so I could catch it with my slow-mo. motioned hands, toss it back into the air. They threw Cheerios in the air and I caught them with chopsticks. I dropped a handful of coins and I counted the total value before they hit the ground. It's kind of interesting of the fatigue as well makes it seem like because he's moving so fast and probably like going around that his muscles are actually still becoming physically exhausted, you know? Yeah, because he's moving so quickly. It also seems like a kind of an interesting take on like the horrors of like getting super intelligence or something.
Starting point is 00:27:54 you know like oh you're becoming super strong and having that much access to your brain's functionality would actually just like be torture i feel like it would be like uh i mean if you were stuck in it you would become like a great mind sure you could process a lot of information but it's like you're in a purgatory well what's the thing is that you would never even be able to enjoy the like advancements of what you're doing so it's like everybody else is probably impressed with what you're doing but everything is so nonchalant and non fun and like er so nonchalant non uh it's just not exciting in the the least like it would just be such a miserable existence yeah i think um it's an interesting i think you could do a lot of good
Starting point is 00:28:40 for like humanity the world so to speak but it's certainly a martyr position you would suffer yeah the cognitive tests were less fun very illuminating finish a 50 word word search three seconds. Solve an intricate mage drawn onto a poster-sized paper. Two seconds. View a slideshow projected at 10 images per second and answer detailed questions about what I saw. 95% correct. They told me I measured over 250 on the Knopf scale. Apparently, that's deep into the superhuman range of thinking speeds. Then they sent me home. It'll wear off at a few hours, which will seem like days to you. Try to use the residual effects to get some work done. Get you up on
Starting point is 00:29:23 work emails while you're still in high speed mode. The ride home was horrible. It was only three metro stops and in real world time it took about 35 minutes but in my drug-accelerated hyper time it felt like days. Days. Just walking
Starting point is 00:29:40 out of the medical research suite the elevator seemed like it took an hour. I sprinted out of the office willing my legs to push me faster but the laws of biomechanics held me prisoner. As accelerated as my brain was, I couldn't do anything to make my legs work faster. The huge disconnect between my body and mind made it extremely difficult to judge how and when to slow down, turn or rotate my body. I'd basically turned into giant slow motion spas.
Starting point is 00:30:10 I misjudged my speed and rammed into the wall by the elevator button at a pretty good speed. even though I could see the wall coming at me I couldn't make my finger outstretched to hit the elevator button move away fast enough and I jammed it against the wall hard the pain was intense if my brain had been running at regular speed it probably only would have heard for 30 seconds or so but in my accelerated state the intense pain seemed to last for
Starting point is 00:30:37 half an hour 45 minutes maybe fuck every feeling is like super intense well yeah can you imagine like breaking a leg in this state or something that would hurt well also being able to hyper fix it because i'm guessing he's able to his brain is able to hyper fixate on like all of the neurons activating and like all of the pain receptors activating and stuff to where you'd almost feel like you'd be able to like feel and like understand like every crunch and like crack of your bone until it fully just like fully snaps but it's this excruciating process
Starting point is 00:31:15 process that's almost an hour long to sit in that painful thing for 45 minutes holy fuck and it's just like the pain is only elevating for that time too like yeah i uh i'd wonder if the effects will get worse as time goes on that's kind of what i suspect but what's weird did the doctor say any um he didn't say how long it would last right he said he'll last a few hours be sure to do your work emails that's right yeah yeah have fun doing your work emails and it's like yeah you just sent me into hell do thanks thanks bud appreciate it the elevator ride was horrible felt like i spent four or five hours just descending seven floors nothing to look at but the interior of the elevator car i sprinted to the metro station i have to admit this part was almost
Starting point is 00:32:04 fun even though my body moved at what seemed to me super slow speed i could still carefully choose how and where to place my feet, swing my arms, and turn my torso. I only took a block or two of getting used to having a brain that ran two dozen times faster than my body. Then I basically sprint dance the rest of the way, twisting and jukeing people on the sidewalk and dodging moving cars with inches, aka minutes of clearance. I spent an hour in my time frame, descending into the subway and running to the platform. endless tedium waiting the six minutes for the redline train to arrive. Although there was no more to look at in the metro platform than inside the elevator,
Starting point is 00:32:46 it was still intensely boring. Should have stolen that copy of Moby Dick. The redline train roared into the station in slow motion. Normally high-pitched squeal of its brakes was frequency shifted by my high-speed mind to a long, low tone, like a monotone tuba solo. It wasn't just the squealing subway train that was three octa. slower than normal, all sound was slow to the point of near inaudibility. Voices were gone, shifted below the threshold frequency of my hearing. I did manage to hear a screaming baby on my
Starting point is 00:33:17 subway car, her shrieks slowed to sound like whale songs. Sharp sounds like a car horn and trucks bouncing over potholes were low, muddied roars like distant thunder. Back at the research offices i could still hear and communicate with the research staff but now verbal communication with anyone would be impossible the effects of the drug were still intensifying i spent what seemed like days on that red line train days listening to the wail song of the screaming baby and the tuba solo of the brakes where ordinary voices were frequency shifted out of my audio range smells didn't seem to be affected i never became nose blind to the body or odor the stench of the trains were breaks the malang of
Starting point is 00:34:03 farts and other smells wafting through the metro car let me ask so is he perceiving all these things too like when he's looking other people and they look like they're in slow motion yes yeah everything's just making sure I'm trying to make sure I have like I'm trying to get it
Starting point is 00:34:19 visualized in my head yeah the world's moving incredibly slow compared to him right even he feels like he's moving slow too it's just the perception is okay yeah right I find got back to my apartment. Sprinting through my open door and into the front half at full speed was like a slow, relaxing drift down a lazy river. I was relieved to be home. At least I had stuff I could do there. Picked up the book I was reading, 100 years of solitude, and finished it.
Starting point is 00:34:47 Despite turning the pages so quickly that I tore many of them, it seemed like most of the time I spent finishing the book was spent on page turning and not actually reading. Three minutes had passed since I got home. I tried to serve the internet. My God, it takes a long time for computers to boot these days, but it was too frustratingly slow. Hours seemingly
Starting point is 00:35:09 to load each new page in a fraction of a second to read it. A hundred articles in my newsfeed read and just three more minutes done. So definitely time is slowing down even more. As it goes on. Yeah, it's getting worse. I mean, like the thing of like an instantaneous thing like
Starting point is 00:35:25 a page and a, I don't a browser opening up is taking hours now. Like, that's fucking crazy. And he says, I dipped into my pile of yet to be read books and finished two more, four more minutes had passed. RIP. I decided to try to sleep off the remaining effects of the drug. Unfortunately, whatever part of my mind is responsible for perception, the part that's been accelerated to hyper speeds by the drug isn't the same as the part that governs sleep. Despite being awake for what I perceived as days, my physical brain still thought it was 1.25 p.m. It was not ready for sleep. Nevertheless, I tried to sleep. Walk to my bedroom, slow 45-minute drift through my apartment, flung myself into bed,
Starting point is 00:36:09 lazily falling like a feather under the mattress. I closed my eyes and lay there for hours and hours, 10 minutes of reality time before giving up. Sleep would not come. I was facing what was going to feel like days or maybe even weeks of being trapped in a slow-motion prison. So I took an ambient. Oh, God. That's not taking another drug on top of that. That sounds like a horrible idea. What didn't you take Coke
Starting point is 00:36:36 instead? I'm sure he doesn't have access to Coke, but when you want something that's like... Well, you would want something that's not a downer. Yeah, exactly. You'd want an upper. Something that's going to like, I guess, perk you up. But I guess the idea is that he's like, well, I'm just going to try to sleep through this. But even then, I would almost assume that
Starting point is 00:36:52 by sleeping, I would sleep for Half a second and my body would be fully rested. Like it'd be impossible to sleep. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he's going to be able to sleep through it. I'd be afraid to dream on this drug. Yeah, it sounds even worse.
Starting point is 00:37:10 The sensation of the pill and the splash of water I used to swallow it, sliding my throat was sickening. A lump that blocked my breathing, moving like a slug down my esophagus. I read a book. Ten minutes had passed. I read another 18 minutes since I took the Ambien. I threw the book across the room and discussed it. my situation. The book slowly purried and spun through the air, like a leaf blowing in a breeze.
Starting point is 00:37:35 It hit the wall with a long, faint rumble, the only sound I had heard for what seemed like hours. Then drifted to the floor like a flip-flop sinking in a swimming pool. The force of gravity hadn't changed since I took the pill. The laws of physics were the same. It was just my perception of time that has gone wackadoo. This meant I could use. use the speed things, this meant I could use the speed things seem to fall as a way of judging the effects of the drug. Based on how long it took the book to drift to the floor, I estimated the effects of the drug were still intensified. I read a magazine, I turned on the television, I clearly saw each frame of video like I was watching a slideshow. Frustrated, I turned the
Starting point is 00:38:19 television off. I read some more. First two books of Churchill's A History of the English-speaking people's. Not exactly a light read. Frankly, I hated it. But given the hours of tedium, it would take to get another book off my bookshelf, just sitting on the couch and reading Churchill was better, or at least less worse. It had now been 35 minutes since I took the Ambien. Lay down on the couch, closed my eyes. Time passed, I inhaled an hour's long process. Time passed, I excelled for more hours. Sleep would not come. I needed a new plan. I decided to go back to the offices where they gave me the drug.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Maybe they would have something that could counteract as effects, or at least something to knock me out until it wore off. I accident my apartment as fast as possible, taking hours in my time frame to do so. I didn't even bother locking the door. It would have taken too long. Down the stairs, it's faster than the elevator if you run, through the lobby, out the front door, and onto the street. these few things felt like a long day at the office
Starting point is 00:39:26 sprinting down the street dancing and weaving between pedestrians with what must have looked to them superhuman dexterity down the first flight of stairs at the metro across the landing another hour then on to the second flight of stairs that's when the ambient hit me the ambient didn't make me sleepy
Starting point is 00:39:47 not at all instead it must have had a severe cross-reaction with the experimental drug I took this morning. I was bouncing down the second flight of stairs, moving in slow motion, but still making perceptible progress. Then, wham. Everything stopped.
Starting point is 00:40:04 The dull roar of the street and metro noise ceased, replaced by the most perfect silence I've ever experienced. My downwards motion seemed to completely freeze. Before the ambient kicked in, my perception of time was maybe a few hundred times slower than real time. after the ambient took effect, time moved thousands of time slower. Oh, God. Every second seemed like days to me.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Even just moving my eyes to focus on a new point was like an impossibly slow scroll across my visual field. Over the course of the afternoon, I learned how to walk, run, and jump when my mind ran hundreds of times faster than my body. With another four or five orders of magnitude of slow down caused by the ambient, body control was almost impossible. I fell on the stairs. Even though I was all but frozen in mid-step, controlling my muscles was impossible. I commanded my foot forwards for hours, then backwards, for hours more when it seemed like I would miss the next step. Hours attempting to adjust the angle of my ankle, then readjusting when it felt wrong. Despite these efforts, I rolled my ankle on the next step. The pain wasn't at all mitigated by the slowness.
Starting point is 00:41:19 hours of increasing strain on my bent ankle the nerve signals that send pain into the brain must work differently than the nerves in my ear sonic energy was spread out over time diluted until it was imperceptible pain flowed into my brain undiluted by the change in my perception of time hours and hours of increasing weight on my turned ankle
Starting point is 00:41:40 turn into hours of increasing pain upon increasing pain I pitched forwards my high-speed mind completely unable to control my low-speed body. I drifted downwards for days, managing to rotate my torso enough to keep my head from impacting the ground first. I eventually landed on my right shoulder. At first, the impact wasn't even noticeable. Then I felt a slight pressure in my shoulder as it came in contact with the ground. The pressure grew, bringing increasing pain for hour upon hour. My shoulder finally gave out, popping out of its socket with an endless sickening tug. Yeah, so that's the kind of thing I was
Starting point is 00:42:19 talking about with that bone, like breaking bone. Like being able to feel your shoulder pop out of its socket would be so brutal. For that, like that long, my God. Every detail of it can't stop it. I came to a stop days later, crumbled onto the ground, staring at the ceiling. The pain of my shoulders still screaming with the intensity of a fresh, violent injury. I had plenty of time to think during that fall. If every second seemed like days to me, then each minute of real world time felt like years.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Even if the drug cleared out of my system in the next two or three hours, this nightmare would seem to last centuries. By the time I hit the ground, I had a plan. I would somehow get to the platform and throw myself in front of a train. I twisted onto my hands and knees. Days of my dislocated shoulder crying for relief. I misjudged my rotation and rolled onto my back. I tried again, collapsing onto my face as I tried to figure out how to control a body that moves slower than grass grew.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Weeks of effort were finally rewarded with success. I stabilized on my hands and knees. If just getting on all fours was this difficult, I figured that walking or running was completely out of the question. So I crawled. I crawled through the metro tunnel. The dumb looks on the faces and the crowd lingered on me for weeks. I crawled under the turnstile and onto the escalator.
Starting point is 00:43:45 I just want to say really quick, the escalation of time is very, very seamless like I really enjoy how it hasn't been this thing of like all of a sudden weeks pass it's just kind of like even his perception of how he's telling it it's just kind of the way it is their eyes fixed on me for weeks yeah for weeks there was no real buildup like at the beginning when it was like it's kind of interesting because I wonder how intentional this is not to um harp on it too long but at the beginning the guy had more time to kind of articulate his like the time passage of yeah i mean this only four minutes had passed and i had
Starting point is 00:44:25 been reading for 30 minutes or you know that kind of thing now something that's as brief as him being like i was finally able to get onto my hands and needs it took weeks like even that has sped up in a way you know like it's taking longer and longer like the lapses of times of him even describing something to us that seems so short are now like become like the the the bridge is becoming wider and wider basically or longer it's becoming more direct more uh more rancid basically more direct but it's happening in a longer sense of time like the information we're given is shorter but it's perceptually longer to him yeah the escalator spilled the rush hour crowd onto the platform at the same speed of glacier spills ice into the sea i looked out over the crowd of
Starting point is 00:45:13 platform during my interminable downward ride. The train status sign said the next train would arrive in 20 minutes. 20 minutes was like a year to me. I'd have to spend a year on the metro platform waiting to die. Oh, God. I crawled off the escalator, and during days of stupid expressions on the commuter's faces, I crawled a few feet to a concrete bench curled up next to it, trying to find a position to lessen the pain in my shoulder,
Starting point is 00:45:45 then my problem with time got worse and possibly worse. God, how? Can you imagine watching people look at you for a year? Yeah, and they're all just frozen in place. Yeah, people are just like awkwardly looking at you for an entire year. My God. The massive slowdown on the stairs was just the beginning of the interaction between the experimental drug and the Ambien.
Starting point is 00:46:07 It fully hit me while I was crulled up by the bench. I blinked. Years of darkness followed. Sound was already gone, and with my blink, sight was gone as well. All that existed was the pain for my fall. Oh my God. So he's in darkness with throbbing pain for years. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:30 That's so great. I love that line. I blinked. Years of darkness followed. That's so good. My hyper-accelerated mind wasted no time compensating for the lack of sensory input. Voices spoke to me. They sung to me in languages that never existed.
Starting point is 00:46:45 Patterns and faces and colors came and went in my mind's eye. I recalled my whole life and imagined living another. I forgot English. I settled into a profound despair. I spoke to God. I became God. I imagined a new universe and brought it to life with my thoughts. Then I did it all again and again.
Starting point is 00:47:08 My eyes opened with geological slowness. A faint glow. Weeks. A slit of light. Weeks. A narrow view of the metro platform. Ancles of the commuters near me and an advertisement on the opposite wall. I extracted my phone from my pocket. Project that spanned decades. How can I even explain the boredom? The pain of my shoulder is nothing compared to the boredom. Every thought I can think, I have thought hundreds of times. already. The view of ankles and advertisements never changes
Starting point is 00:47:45 never. The boredom is so intense it's tangible like a solid object of metal and stone wedged into my skull inescapable. What are my options? If I crawl and fall into the tracks without an oncoming train to crush me,
Starting point is 00:48:02 I won't die. I'll experience even more pain from the four foot fall but I'll most likely be rescued by some do-gooder on the platform and unable to act when the train finally does arrive. My suffering in that scenario will be endless. So I wait for the train, so I can throw myself under it. When it finally hits me, I will experience the pain of being ripped to pieces for centuries until finally the light of life leaves my brain and my experience ends.
Starting point is 00:48:32 I've lived hundreds of lifespans at the foot of this bench. I'm far older in spirits that any human who has ever lived. Most of my life experiences have been a snapshot of pain huddled on the floor of a subway platform with an unchanging view of ankles and advertisements. This post is my plan B, my hell Mary, my long shot. I've spent lifetimes typing and posting this message in the hope that someone will read it
Starting point is 00:49:00 and become convinced that my suffering must end. Someone on this platform right now. someone who will find the man curled under the bench the man who crawled down the escalator and kill him as swiftly as possible a bullet to the temple if you're armed and at the Glenmont Metro
Starting point is 00:49:18 please shoot me wonderful that was great I like that one that was a lot of fun absolutely wonderful by far out of all the things we've read this would be the most excruciating this is the most horrific thing we've ever read in terms of
Starting point is 00:49:35 yeah pain wise like in terms of actual despair and horror this is by far the most horrifying thing we've ever read um in just the the theory of like actually living that thing like obviously there's stories that instill a lot of fear in us as well but this one is just being a thing of actually trying to put yourself in those shoes of i mean 10,000 years like can you even imagine the you know what it reminded me a lot of was the Junji Ito story, the long dream. It's my favorite Junji Ito story.
Starting point is 00:50:10 And it reminds me of that one. Oh, yeah, yeah. That is what it reminds. I was trying to think of something that and, uh, there was another story. It reminded me of those similar. They think maybe I was just thinking the long dream. Yeah. It's very similar.
Starting point is 00:50:22 It's probably the long dream and then it's like a movie. My brain was kind of trickling over into limitless. Like after a while I kept picturing the guy looking like Bradley Cooper from that movie. Yeah. There's just something horrifying about, um, messing with. perception of reality like a very
Starting point is 00:50:39 I guess uncanny weird way to pretty much I mean pretty much it's it this is hell I mean I don't know any
Starting point is 00:50:52 like it's an eternity of suffering you know and I think something that I just really love the monkey Paul aspect of making almost like eternal life feel like hell you know
Starting point is 00:51:08 like someone who would wish I want to live forever this is what it would be you know maybe not everything slowed down but still that idea that boredom like the the most horrifying thing is the idea of
Starting point is 00:51:20 for thousands of years laying there and just seeing ankles and nothing like you can't I love the part too when he's like I forgot the human language I spoke to God I became God and I did it over again it's like the cycles of
Starting point is 00:51:34 not I mean there's probably not even a word for it like it's beyond insanity it's like I don't even know like how would you even describe that uh I mean it's like it's like a hell right if your brain perceives time that slowly it's I mean like you said like a year when his eyes were opening years of a glint of light right like it's horror horrific and hypothetically if he has to do that for hours it would be millions of years, right? I wonder if after a while, too, do you think that there would be a point ever
Starting point is 00:52:12 that the brain would just like, because that's like, that was kind of the ending in the long dream was that in his mind, each time he slept millions of years had passed to the point where it physically was altering his body until he just like turns to dust? Do you think that in this reality and this thing, in this universe,
Starting point is 00:52:33 do you think something would happen where your brain is moving so fast that like a rapidly age like I wonder if there would be any kind of physical altercation to be right brain moving that fast it would change so much about your body I mean like realistically probably probably the signapses in your body can only move so fast right uh and the at the speed his brain is processing his synapses are moving faster than the speed of light right um but within reality if your brain was moving that much that fast uh you would probably seize and die like for your brain to process information that quickly it would be like an overload effectively yeah you know the aneurism or something yeah what would be weird though
Starting point is 00:53:25 is that even though you know what's kind of interesting to think about is that it might even be happening now but the perception of time is just getting longer so it doesn't actually execute until like it'd almost be something where you're having an aneurysm but it takes millions of years to fully like go through through your perception or something and that just is so fucking brutal i mean even trying to actually wrap your head around the idea of like typing out that message um or like this reddit post would be something that would just be like i mean i don't even know i can't even describe just to see just to look at your days and you're like trying to type and trying to do that and like a t pops up like if you're like my my long shot you just typing my
Starting point is 00:54:17 takes god knows how many years pretty yeah it's uh it's it's heavy i really love that story. I love the way that ended it was um I feel like it's weird I feel like it I don't know if it was just the amount of time that goes into this how slow time went but for such a short story it felt so full like if it felt much longer than I expected when we kind were looking at this at first I was like oh I wonder if this is going to be enough but it really kind of fucks with you I really wonder mentally if I was like it's like like like slowing down in my own and like my head like talking about it so much you know i don't know pretty crazy great story hard big big fan i like that one that one was a banger i feel like an absolute
Starting point is 00:55:12 mad lad banger so from there we have some other stories for him there are other stories within this universe kind of within like the storyline of the glenmont metro there is a three part one called This is why I didn't want to give away the title. My patient spent 8 million years under a bench at the Glenmont Metro. So that's its own three-part story. We may not want to read that one or at least give it a while just because it feels like my prediction is it probably gives too much, you know. Yeah, I would like to enjoy this story, I think, just for like let it sink in. let me like live with it for a bit you know another one from uh the same author as a matter of fact
Starting point is 00:56:02 if you go to his website a new kind of monster he has some of his stories grouped uh by different like um styles so there's ones for um called notes from the laboratory there's one about cosmo pathology which is a really cool term and then he has one for glenmon and the second death universe so obviously the first story in that series is the one rere if you're armed and at the Glenmont Metro, please shoot me. And then the second one is this story called My Daughter Wants to Eat a Woman
Starting point is 00:56:36 Who Shares Her Birthday, which is another banger title, by the way. Then after that, there seems to be a three-part stories that is about the person from the Glenmont Metro story. We may get into that one day. And then it seems that Peter Frost David has made an entire book
Starting point is 00:56:52 kind of built in this universe called Second Death. So if the Glenmont Metro thing sounds cool, and you want to see more, we'll check out the second death. Yeah. But this is the second short story he has written, at least according to his website, within this universe.
Starting point is 00:57:10 So we're going to get into that and see how we like it now. Yeah, I love these titles. Oh, yeah, they're good. They're great. From that first story, I'm hooked. The guy's cooking. Cooking up a storm.
Starting point is 00:57:24 So my daughter wants to eat a woman who shares her birthday. The only way this is going to make sense is if I start at the beginning. August 21st, 1982. A baby girl was born shortly after midnight. I wasn't the mother's doctor, but I was the attending on the same labor
Starting point is 00:57:42 and delivering floor. Even though the new boards, Apgar, Apgar, I'm sure that my sister is a nerve. She could probably tell me what that is. Editor, put in an Apgar definition because I don't know. thing.
Starting point is 00:57:55 I assume it's something to do with the baby stats or whatever. Yeah, the baby's baseball card. Pretty much. She was clearly in great distress. The on-call pediatrician raced the child to the NICU. Twenty minutes later, I was called to consult. You want to check on the mother? I'm an obstetrician.
Starting point is 00:58:16 I care for pregnant women and deliver their babies. Once they're born, the infants become pediatric patients. While I was I being called into the neonatal unit? No, Dr. Kaysen, it's the child. Please, come to the NICU. I heard panic creeping into my colleague's voice. The baby lay in a NICU incubator, screaming. The nursing staff stood at a distance.
Starting point is 00:58:41 None of them were looking at the child. They stared at the floor or at the far wall or at me. They were experienced neonatal ICU nurses. They had dealt with every horrible condition that could possibly result from birth, but whatever was in the incubator had rattled them. How is this an obstetric case? Pediatrician gestured to the incubator. Please examine the patient, Dr. Kuyzen.
Starting point is 00:59:07 And tell me what you think. The baby girl looked like a healthy birth weight baby, a pounds or so. But her abdomen was terribly distended. She certainly had a good reason for screaming. I gently palpated the girl's bulging belly, expecting to feel signs of fluid or gas. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Instead, I felt an enlarged uterus. The fondest was near the infant sternum. I gently squeezed the sides of the child's belly, feeling with my fingertips a miniature version of what I feel with my whole hands in adult patients. I placed my palm on her tiny belly. There was an almost imperceptible flutter, something gently pushed against my hand.
Starting point is 00:59:53 hand. So is this saying that the baby is pregnant, pretty much is what they're saying. The baby's like a little Russian nesting doll or something. Yeah. Yeah. There's a baby inside the baby. I turned to the NICU staff. Their eyes were locked on me.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Hands holding their mouths or touching their foreheads. I said, This infant is pregnant and she's in labor. Oh my God. Gross. Good fucking Lord. Oh, man. Disgusting.
Starting point is 01:00:22 I did my best to remain calm. but I heard my voice crack as I spoke. Something was inside this newborn. Something had grown inside her as she developed in the womb, and it wanted to get out. I have as much experience as the NICU nurses with the terrible effects of abnormal pregnancies. No matter what condition my patients and their fetuses had suffered from,
Starting point is 01:00:44 I never felt what I felt in that moment. Fear. Fear of what was inside of this baby. I delivered the infant's baby by Cesarians. by caesarian section. The operation normally performed on an adult to deliver a normal-sized child was difficult and time-consuming due to the mother being an infant herself. When I was done, I felt the infant's own baby in my hand.
Starting point is 01:01:10 A tiny, two-inch-long, but fully developed and very much alive, baby girl. The fear dissipated and was replaced with a more ordinary sense of concern. This impossible little baby who, only two hours earlier, filled me with fear, was, in the end, still a baby that she needed to be cared for. Premature babies, children born months too soon, require extreme interventions to keep them alive. Lungs, for example, require nearly nine months to mature. Premature babies, as small as the child I delivered, always require breathing support. But this baby had no breathing problems.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Her color was good. She cried normally. Her lungs had the full nine months of development. Somehow this child had been conceived at nearly the same time as her mother and gestated for nine months inside her simultaneously gestating parent. This, of course, is impossible. How did you get here? I asked her after I gently laid her in her own NICU incubator.
Starting point is 01:02:12 Don't answer that. I think I'll be better off if I don't know. What an interesting, uh, hmm. This is an interesting, like, body horror set up. Yeah, it's weird, but the idea of like, um, yeah, like a baby that's like a Russian nesting doll, pretty much. It's like there's no rhyme or reason, almost like, uh, what is it divine? What is it called when it's you, immaculate conception? Yeah, almost like an immaculate conception thing.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Like a really fucks version of that. Yeah. It's pretty messed up. The grandmother, the 22 year old woman who delivered a pregnant baby, wanted nothing to do with the miraculous daughter, her new child delivered. she referred to her granddaughter as the excess tissue you removed from my baby I mean yeah I mean honestly what else would you say
Starting point is 01:03:00 right well I guess it's just the idea it's it's a healthy it's a tiny keychain baby don't get wrong but the only thing I would think is like well maybe it was like a twin like it was twins and then one of them like try to absorb the other twin because that happens maybe it wasn't absorbed or kept developing by something
Starting point is 01:03:20 I guess that'd be the only primaries and you give it. Yeah. Well, I just, it's crazy that it's healthy. It's completely healthy. It's just small. And it's weird too that the babies like ovaries were working and like, you know, it's just so fucking crazy. But I guess too, I would probably be living in denial as well. Well, yeah, be like, okay, absolutely not. Right. Yeah. The NICU nurses never warmed up to the grandchild. They did the minimum necessary to keep her healthy, but they didn't don't affection and attention onto her as they did with the other tiny patients. I'm not religious, but I do believe in
Starting point is 01:03:56 the idea of universal balance, cosmically and individually. Three years earlier, my life was thrown into imbalance when my wife died of an aneurysm. This tiny girl born to an infant mother, the girl referred to as excess tissue, filled me with a sense of direction. I sensed in her a path towards the equilibrium that I lost. Adopted her. I named her Helen. The grandmother's reaction and the impersonal way the NICU nurse has treated Helen
Starting point is 01:04:28 told me that I needed to hide the circumstances of her birth. If a grandmother and the nursing staff couldn't find a way to see Helen as a person, and how would the rest of the world treat her? From the perspective of the adoption papers, Helen was born premature to a mother who was not competent to raise her. this is true how could her mother an infant raise another infant the family the paperwork we recorded
Starting point is 01:04:53 did not want anything to do with the child also true the fact that helen's mother was only 90 minutes older than helen was omitted man okay what i really like about this author is he pushes these scenarios where sentences like that exist right because there were a couple times in the last story it was like that. It was like I blinked years past, right? What a cool, what a cool like predicament we've got ourselves into. And then that line, the mother was only 90 minutes older than Helen. Like what, you know, stuff like that's just so cool. I think it shows to that with confidence in writing, um, in any sense like very Cronenberg. I one thing I love about like Cronenberg stories is there's really no explaining the world. It's just kind of showing like this is just it is
Starting point is 01:05:42 what it is and by doing so too you immediately get bought in and like there's so many times where people would try to justify this or like they would do a whole lap around to have this make sense versus just being like it i mean it's just it is what it is 90 minutes older baby it makes no sense but you're fully in like engrossed in the story yeah it's like it doesn't matter how we got here we're here now what do we do with it yeah this is the reality you're in buckle up yeah the adoption process required a maternity and a paternity test. Both parents must approve the adoption. Given Helen's strange background, we tested her mother, the infant, and her grandmother, the 22-year-old new mom, and her husband. The DNA analysis proved that the infant was, the DNA analysis
Starting point is 01:06:30 proved that the infant who bore Helen was indeed Helen's mother. 22-year-old mom and her husband were Helen's grandparents. The implication is astounding. Nine months before, for Helen was born, some unknown male DNA entered her mother who had yet to be born. The DNA somehow combined with the mothers and Helen began to exist. Oh, weird. Pretty weird. So do you think that, do you think this is going into immaculate, uh, I think that's what it's saying or it's going to be like some, uh, this author, I mean, we've only read one of his
Starting point is 01:07:05 stories, so I don't know, but off the one we read it was very sci-fi, right? so maybe it's more of a sci-fi thing you know like maybe this well child was like created by like a non-human entity like maybe maybe the father the mother isn't human or something like that yeah i mean i think that there's an interest like as soon as the uh narrator said i'm not a religious person i figure that it was going to go into a place that is going to test the person's belief system yeah right probably i mean this certainly was this is insane yeah i raised helen and she grew up she was a normal kid mostly i hate to gloss over or trivialize our happy years together please try to picture a single dad happily raising a beautiful brilliant and energetic daughter
Starting point is 01:07:54 the incidents i recount here only stand out now that i see what helen became were these warnings that i ignored or that i rationalized away as evidence of helen's fantastic imagination. The first incidents happened when Helen was eight years old. We were eating lunch at the mall food court. I was talking to her and I paused for her to respond. She didn't. Her attention was laser focused on something on the other side of the seating area. I turned and followed her gaze. Another girl, about the same age as Helen, stood in line with her mother to get pizza. I got a sick feeling in my gut when I realized who the mother was. I'd only met Helen's grandmother a few times but I remember what she looked like little girl ordering pizza
Starting point is 01:08:40 was Helen's mother the woman was Helen's grandmother that time Helen had no idea that she was adopted why are you looking at those people Helen I'm looking at the girl I want to eat her why do you want to eat another person not any person dad just her Helen, that's not an appropriate thing to say. I know, but it might help me get out one day. Get, get out what? What? Out of what? She never answered. Bro. I like that.
Starting point is 01:09:21 That's fun. See what I mean? We're in such a weird scenario. There's like a little child that's like shouldn't exist and what's to eat her mother who's the same age as her. One thing with people that, that do this kind of stuff and they just go full force with this. like just full steam ahead with these weird ideas is that you're then able like then there's no boundary like the absurdity of things are all believable and like you treat them seriously you know versus if you had it so grounded then all of a sudden someone said something absurd well then you're just like you're dancing around the idea of like well what why would they do you know you know what I mean so yeah I love this I think it's great yeah it's like it's like
Starting point is 01:10:00 we're going to pick one really weird thing and I'm going to commit to it's going to be weird the opening lines, like the baby's pregnant, right? And now it's like, we're just, we keep following that. It's not pulling from other places to be strange. It is strange in its own unique sense. And I like that. The second strange event occurred when Helen was 10 during a visit to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York.
Starting point is 01:10:22 We wandered the galleries together. I paid more attention to what Helen found interesting than to the art itself. I wanted to know what she found boring and what inspired her. We found ourselves in front of a 19th century, oil painting depicting Christ's descent into hell. The gloomy painting featured a desolate landscaped, a burning city filled with the dead, monsters, demons, the river sticks, and of course Jesus himself breaking down the gate to gain entry into hell to rescue the souls of the just. Helen stopped abruptly in front of the painting. She stepped towards it, studying the painting
Starting point is 01:10:58 so closely her nose almost brushed the canvas. She examined each detail carefully, moving deliberately from each figure to feature to the neck, so she wouldn't overlook anything. Finally, she scrutinized the depiction of Christ breaking down the gate to hell. She started giggling, then laughing loudly. What's so funny? I wasn't worried at that point, just curious. The picture's so silly. Christ is sitting to hell is silly?
Starting point is 01:11:30 The gate is silly. The gate is the way out of hell, not into it. to it. You don't need to break in. You need to break out. It's just so funny. Plus the door isn't big enough. Yeah. Oh. Oh. That. I'm like, yeah, this is a bit of time I do. I do. I do. Mm-hmm. Sounds good. I'm going to go get some dipping dots and I would leave that little bitch there forever. No way in hell. You know for a fact. You know for a fact that it would know how to find its way home. Oh, God. Easily. I had cab fare. Helen, how did you get cab fare? Yeah. I'm going to eat you now.
Starting point is 01:12:04 Like a little monster thing. Dad, you're hungry. I want your toes. Yeah. I hope, you know what? I hope your kid bites. God, no shit. Well, it's going to happen now.
Starting point is 01:12:16 That would fit. That would be so fitting if you had a bider. Oh, man. Dude, that is so, well, that's not what the gate to hell looks like. Oh, that's great. Now I was worried. The image of Helen's mother
Starting point is 01:12:32 screaming in the NICU incubator with Helen squirming inside of her flash into my mind's eye. The fear that I experienced when I felt Helen kicking in her mother's miniature womb flooded me. Helen, what are you talking about? When I go to hell, I'm going to eat my way out through my bloodline. Good fucking God! My word! Helen, why do you think you're going to hell?
Starting point is 01:12:58 That's a very sad thing for a little girl to believe. It's just something I know. I remember it. even though it hasn't happened yet. Oh, wow. Oh, that is so sick. Let's go. That is so fucking sick.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Oh, my gosh. That's so cool. I remember even though it hasn't happened yet. The dad, like looking at her kind of like a little confused, but like almost an emotionalist and he's like, mm-hmm. And also,
Starting point is 01:13:25 thank God it didn't go a weird route, right? Like with like the pregnant child or whatever. It's like her soul was taken from hell and just thrown somewhere to be you know what I would be so pissed if I was that dad where I'm like I took I took home the fucking keychain baby and everyone was giving me odd looks and I thought I was being a good guy turns out that they were like fully right to be so suspicious and weirded out
Starting point is 01:13:46 turns out I'm the one who didn't recognize yeah I'm apparently the fucking asshole here cool I guess I'm the bad guy man gosh that's so cool then she skipped away to the next gallery of paintings see here's the thing people always like they try to be absurdist and they'll recreate it and it always comes out as nonsensical,
Starting point is 01:14:10 right? It's always like, oh, well, everything's just random. And it's like, no, this isn't random. Sure, it's an absurdist concept, but it follow, it has a track of logic that it's sticking with, at least so far, right? Of like, the child was weird. It was strange. Now it wants to eat her. And now it's a thing from hell. Like, you're developing off the same idea in a pattern of logic. It's just a very weird one you've pulled out of. I think it works well. It works well because of the absurdity of
Starting point is 01:14:38 how the child came to be right. Yeah. So now you're starting to unweave or you're starting to weave this web of the backstory or kind of like more of the demented side. So even the way that the child is born in this immaculate conception
Starting point is 01:14:53 kind of thing is interesting because you believe it's going to be a religious but it's you know kind of the negative side of that religious, you know, like, it's just, it's fun. I really like it. It bangs. I like it so far. The final incident that stands out in hindsight, some kind of red flag, happened seven years ago. Helen was doing post-doctoral work at Lawrence Livermore, but was home for leave during the Christmas holiday. Helen was a workaholic. She might have been on vacation, but she never stopped working. This is fun, too, just the idea that like, for like 20, 30 years, she was a perfectly normal
Starting point is 01:15:27 girl except he can only think of three times she was weird right yeah also i guarantee you i guarantee you this kind of woman would absolutely decimate half of the the men watching this video oh 100% could you imagine like an actual demon lady who like cleaning up hell and stuff cleaning up shop cleaning up several several several men in this in these comments would falter i i fear El Diablo. Yeah. Oh yeah. They just fall over themselves to give their soul away.
Starting point is 01:16:01 Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Not saying I haven't been there before, but I have been picked from the vine, so to speak, as since. So I'm safe. And I can judge the rest of you. I can judge you all from the safety of my basket as you all hang on the vine, willing to be eaten up by the foxes of the field, so to speak.
Starting point is 01:16:22 During the time she was home that year, she worked even more. intensely than usual. And that's saying a lot. She earned a physics PhD from Caltech in just three years. I don't think she worked fewer than 12 hours a day, even once during those three years. I was happy she was home, but she was so focused on a lab-related problem that it was more like having a cardboard cut out of my daughter visiting me than an actual person. For nearly a week, all my attempts to start a conversation failed. She'd respond with one-syllable answers to my questions and immediately curl back around her notebook. Finally, asked her what she was working on.
Starting point is 01:16:59 She stared at me, blinking for a minute. Mine slowly descended from the world of high energy, high energy physics to the world of normal human interaction. Oh, sure. She handed me her notebook, a hardcover journal with the word record stenciled on the front. Or record, I should say, stenciled on the front. I opened the book to the page she had been writing on. The only way I can describe what I saw there was that it was satanic.
Starting point is 01:17:32 A pinagram. An upside-down star inscribed in a circle, filled half the page. The rest was filled with intricately drawn symbols. Strange curving shapes drawn from an alphabet I had never seen. Decorative lines linked the constellations of symbols. Lines with loops, curves with arrows. arcs with circles and triangles drawn on top of them. Helen, what is this?
Starting point is 01:17:58 At its math. It looks like you're, I don't know, worshipping the devil. The devil, really? She started laughing. It was the first time I heard her laugh since she arrived five days earlier. Lucifer, the Lord of Lies,
Starting point is 01:18:14 or is it flies? One of those. I'm not trying to be like, I don't know. tipper gore. I'm just saying it looks a little wacko. She laughed so hard she fell out of the chair. She finally recovered and climbed back into it.
Starting point is 01:18:31 It's a problem for work. I'm trying to design a thermal stabilization system. These devil words or whatever you think they are. They're just stochastic tensors. The whole thing is just a huge stochastic differential equation problem. God, I'm too fucking stupid. I read this shit.
Starting point is 01:18:48 What about this demon's own anything? this, the pentagram. She turned off the hilarity. Now that's interesting. When you do the math, as I've clearly done here, it turns out a star inside of a circle is the epitum, epitome
Starting point is 01:19:04 shape of, Jesus Christ. Inside a circle is the optimum shape of the thermal elements we need to stabilize the she cut herself off, paused, chose her neckwards carefully. To stabilize the thing that needs stabilizing. that's an interesting idea that demonic images pop up in because that's the the kind of the joke about uh circuit boards right that the circuitry uh outlining looks like old uh demonic and angel sigils like their uh their names printed so like uh technology rots forth these forgotten like names and ideas of you know spirituality and stuff like that the way demons can speak without speaking so to speak um that it
Starting point is 01:19:50 It's just a fun element for, like, religious horror. Uh, and it's cool that kind of pops up here. I'm sure she's expressly demonic and no, she's demonic from what we've seen, um, but her being like, oh, well, coincidentally, a star, an upside down star inside of a circle is the best way to thermal stabilize. So it's like, um, I don't know, it's a fun, it's a fun, like loop back of like cultural demonology mixed into like the science and the scroll being a demon and stuff like that. It's just, I'm completely sold everything.
Starting point is 01:20:19 I love everything about this so far. I was going to press her. I know she works on classified projects at the lab and isn't free to say much about them. But I thought I could tease out a little more information about why she was what she was actually doing with her life. But then she changed the topic to the subject I've been dreading since the terrible and wonderful night
Starting point is 01:20:37 that she was born. Dad, when you adopted me, do you remember if you came across any information about my biological family? Specifically about my biological father. father? Oh, Helen. I flopped onto the couch. Why do you want to know about your father?
Starting point is 01:20:57 It's not like I want to meet my birth family and try to get all my kumbaya. Believe it or not, I have a professional interest in the subject. Helen, nobody knows who your father is. That's what I thought. And she dropped the subject. My daughter, who pursues everything she's ever been interested in with a relentless white-hot intensity simply dropped your questions about her own father. Do you know why? Because she knows her father's the devil. Let's go. Yeah, I'm curious to see what they're, what they're, where they're
Starting point is 01:21:30 going with this. I hardly saw or even talk to Helen after that Christmas. Her visits home became infrequent. We would go six months or more between phone calls. Then she died. Damn. She was working on a project for the army. Not at Livermore, they said, somewhere else. There was an accident involving a high-energy experiment. She was killed along with 12 other scientists. Her bodies were vaporized. There were no remains.
Starting point is 01:22:02 Losing a wife and a daughter is too much for one lifetime. I couldn't work after that. I had to retire. I grieved. I tried to kill myself. Oh, damn. I spent three weeks in an institution. I somehow inched my wife.
Starting point is 01:22:19 way back up to something that looks like a functional person. Then the mail started showing up. The Army, apparently, never stopped sending her paychecks. Six months after Helen died, a rubber band-bound bundle of paystuffs with her name, but my address arrived in my mailbox. W-2 forms showed up next, paperwork for benefits enrollment. Retirement account statements showing ongoing contributions. The paperwork that modern life produces kept coming. I called her HR office dozens of times. Their answer was always the same. We're sorry for the confusion.
Starting point is 01:22:57 We'll look into it. Then an envelope from a company named Parental DNA Analysis appeared in my mailbox. It was addressed to Helen. I toured open with... I toured open while standing in the driveway. It contained the results of a paternity test. Ooh.
Starting point is 01:23:14 Child. Helen Kisen. Father, hair sample, supplied by client. Probability of paternity, 99.9 repeating percent. Somehow, before she died, Helen found her father. She had found the person whose DNA entered her mother's embryo, and contrary to everything known about human development, produced a child. Or she had at least produced a hair sample from the man who contributed half her genome. Interesting. So I would say, we have a break there.
Starting point is 01:23:49 If I would guess in these high energy experiments that requires setting up a pentagram and stuff like that, she did like a demon summoning ritual, right? Yeah, that's what I was assuming as well, yeah. Yeah, she got hair from the devil. Yeah, that goes so hard. I saw Helen. She's changed. I was returning from running errands when she arrived at my house. I knew something was happening when I turned into my neighborhood.
Starting point is 01:24:14 The streets were full of dogs. what looked to be every neighborhood dog, Labradors, Chihuahuas, and everything in between were running around like crazy. They were barking, growling, crying, jumping, and nipping at the air. Their owners were futilely running after them. I pulled into my driveway. There was a package next to the door. It was addressed to Helen.
Starting point is 01:24:36 I liked the heavy cardboard box into the living room. The package was only the size of a bankers box, but it was as heavy as a box of rocks. I sighed. Why was Helen's death nearly as strange as her birth? I wondered what I would be doing at that moment if the aneurysm hadn't taken my wife two decades earlier. Would I be happier?
Starting point is 01:24:56 Open the box. Inside was a steel case. The kind of case you'd used to ship something expensive and fragile. A post-it was stuck to the top of the steel case. On it, someone had ridden. Dad, open this ASAP. I pulled the steel case out of the cardboard shipping box and thunked it down in the dining room table. I indicted the heavy-duty lashes and opened it.
Starting point is 01:25:22 Inside was a tablet computer. Underneath that was a hard plastic case. Another post-it note was stuck to the tablet screen. Turn me on. I did. It booted into a heavily customized version of the regular operating system and automatically started a messaging app. I typed a message. Hello?
Starting point is 01:25:44 I waited a minute. Another minute. Someone finally typed a response. Dad, what is my mother's name? That's crazy. I started to cry. This was probably a joke or a crazily complicated scam. But the thought that maybe I was messaging Helen was too irresistible.
Starting point is 01:26:08 I never saw her body. Her paychecks keep showing up in my mailbox. Why couldn't I be talking to her? Helen, where are you? Another long pause. Dad, I know who my father is. I met him. I need to find my mother.
Starting point is 01:26:26 I know how I was born. I know you know who my mother is. Tell me her name and I'll tell you where I am. Does that not feel like a trick from the devil or something like that? It does. You know what I mean? Like I do not believe that's her. is I guess what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:26:42 Like, that's my guy reaction. Well, I'd say it could be her because I think she's been a demon or like, what's the name of the kid from the Oman Damien? I feel like she could be like an anti-crice figure or something like that. And now she's communicating through hell effectively. Right. I truly didn't know her mother's name. The infant I performed the Caesarian section on was less than half an hour old when I operated.
Starting point is 01:27:06 She hadn't even been given a name yet. I don't know your mother's name, Helen. but I know your grandmother's name. Then I typed in the name of the woman who said my daughter was just excess tissue. A minute passed, then five. Was Helen gone? Open the smaller case. Turn the camera on.
Starting point is 01:27:30 I pulled the black plastic case out of the steel box and opened it. Inside was a video camera nestled in a custom cut foam insert. Sticker on the camera said, LL Fleer calibrated and the day less than two weeks earlier it was an infrared camera from Lawrence Livermore found the power switch and waited for it to come to life I typed into the tablet
Starting point is 01:27:53 it's on stared at the screen without blinking she finally wrote I'm in the backyard I ran through the kitchen and flung open the back door yard was empty I collapsed on the threshold and wept
Starting point is 01:28:11 Whoever I'd been messaging to was not Helen It was a joke I heard her growl The beagle who lived next door was standing by my backyard gate The dog bared its teeth and snarled at my empty backyard The dog thought something was there Whoever I was messaging on the tablet said they were in my backyard I'm slow sometimes
Starting point is 01:28:35 I realized the camera in my hand was there for a reason I lifted the camera and scanned it across the yard something was there something huge rendered in the infrared cameras scarish shades of yellow pink and red was standing directly in front of me
Starting point is 01:28:52 it was too close and too big to see all at once through the camera's narrow field of view this is so cool I started by aiming the camera at the grass I saw four huge feet with long
Starting point is 01:29:10 five jointed with long five jointed toes protruding at odd angles. It was hard to get a sense of their size on the infrared but my guess was that each foot was the size of a yoga ball. Right. Inside the house it slammed the door.
Starting point is 01:29:26 Bro! Let's go. She's described as almost like the Leviathan of Revelation like the seven-headed beast with the wings and the head of the lion. Yeah. That's so Cool. I caught my breath and peered out the back window. To my naked eye, the backyard was still empty.
Starting point is 01:29:44 I am the camera out the window. The same feet were visible in the infrared spectrum. So not to be pedantic, because I know the author doesn't know this, and I know he's trying. But infrared cameras cannot see through glass. Just so you know. What if it's a demonic one, though, that Helen gave them? Well, I thought it says it's from the laboratory.
Starting point is 01:30:05 I thought the idea is you can only pick up infrared signals. It's like it's on the visible direction. What if it's a demonic lab camera? Well, no, because the way infrared works is it picks up heat signatures, right? So if there's a window in the way, it's just blacked out. But what if it's demonic heat signatures, Isaiah? You know what, you're right? Maybe there is a perfect imprint of the world and the thing on the window from heat.
Starting point is 01:30:31 Sure, sure, Hunter. Okay, there we go. Well, just making sure. The same feet were visible in the infrared spectrum. I raised a camera. The thing had a body like, I don't know what. An upside-down dog merged with an octopus? It made no sense.
Starting point is 01:30:47 Appendages with a dozen elbow sprouted irregularly from the body. The arms or tentacles or whatever you'd call them ended in hoofs, bird feet, and human-like hands. One of the hands held the tablet computer identical to the one I left in the living room table. A face was sensibly placed on the side of the thing's body. There was no neck, nothing to even suggest a head. Just a face stuck on the body like an afterthought. I aimed the camera at the face. The auto focus worked for a moment, and the face became clear.
Starting point is 01:31:20 It was Helen. She smiled. It reminds me of like those old, like 18th century depictions of demons, where they're like these little balls of faces and feet, like crawl around. Almost like weird looking animals. the old renaissance paintings of what yeah it's like they all got like mushed together you know just like a weird
Starting point is 01:31:43 fuck surrealist uh animal uh depiction basically yeah i flashed back to that moment decades earlier when I put my hand on the screaming baby's belly and felt hell and kick my first reaction had been fear I'd felt terror and revulsion at the idea
Starting point is 01:31:59 that somehow a baby had been born pregnant that someone something put its seed into an embryo produced a creature. That same tear and revulsion filled me when I saw Helen's face on the side of that monster. Years ago, I was able to put my fear aside and do my job as a doctor to deliver Helen into the world. I had to do the same thing today. I had to put my fear aside, do my job as a father. I flung the kitchen door open and shouted into the backyard. Helen! A pause, the new text on the
Starting point is 01:32:34 tablet. Goodbye, Dad. I needed the conversation to keep going. I couldn't let this, this insane situation, be the last time I saw my daughter. I yelled. I got the paternity test results. The hair sample was your father. I know.
Starting point is 01:32:56 Who is he? A man who died a long time ago. Then she typed one last message to me. Thank you, dad. This is what I need to be doing. now there's only a 37.9% chance that I'll see you again sorry I looked into the yard with the camera she was gone hmm so she so what it seems like so far if she consciously did that decision then it makes it seem like when she quote unquote died she did an experiment where she was
Starting point is 01:33:28 able to like go into a different dimension she went to hell pursue yeah she basically went to hell I think she was like an antichrist or some kind of like seed of the devil or something like that that was put on earth. And then she dedicated all her times to studies, which was sciences, which was effectively the way she used it like a modern witchcraft, a way to use technology to open a teleport to hell. Her and 12 other people, right? Those 12 other people might as well be human sacrifices, right? Or other people in her similar condition. 12, the number 12 is interesting. That number shows up a lot of the Bible, 12 disciples, 12 tribes of Israel. So like saying she took 12 people with her is saying that like either 12 or counting her 13, she would be the, you know,
Starting point is 01:34:13 evil 13th one or whatever. 13 people around the world were either these demons or she created a sacrifice of 12 people to open the gateway into hell. I'm guessing it's the sacrifices is kind of where my gut was going. Probably the sacrifice because it makes her more special as like a anti-crise figure right, like the one and only. Well, it seems more like the, like the key like that's the key she needed to then buy in product go to hell yeah yeah uh so she goes to hell and now she's become this demon i don't know what the 37.9% thing is i'm sure we'll see that in a second uh could it not just be something where she understands some kind of like anomaly because we she was a math major before so maybe she just understands the like probability is low
Starting point is 01:34:56 and she's like maybe like also shown like how well she's prepared for this yeah yeah definitely could be. I don't know. We're all I'm excited to see like we, this is the last section of it. The last little section coming up here. So curious. I'm so interested. This is so good. I began this post by saying that it wouldn't make sense unless I started
Starting point is 01:35:16 at the beginning. Well, I did start at the beginning and it probably still doesn't make any sense. I've gotten used to the idea that I'm not going to ever fully understand Helen's life, death and whatever you call what came after. Given the few fragments of information I have,
Starting point is 01:35:32 Any decision I make about what I should do next is going to be half-baked. But baked or not, choosing a course of action will at least feel like forward motion. If I move forward long enough, then maybe I'll escape the despair that Helen left me with. There's one more thing I want to document here. If there's anyone that cares about what I've done and what I'm about to do, maybe it will help them understand my reasons. I stayed in bed for three or four days after I saw Helen, or the thing that wore her face.
Starting point is 01:36:03 I got up a few times to trash the house, throw plates and glassware around, knock over furniture. Eventually, I had to clean up. The last thing I put away was the steel box that held the tablet and the camera. So I was putting the items back in the box. I discovered something at the bottom of the steel container.
Starting point is 01:36:23 The notebook Helen brought home for our last Christmas together. The notebook that I said looked like it belonged to a devil-worshipper. found the page that Helen was working on during that Christmas vacation. I know she said it was math, stochastic differential equations and tensors, but it still looks satanic to me. The rest of the journal was filled with her research work. Most of the remaining 50 pages held nothing but math. Some of it looked like the satanic runes on the page with the pentagram,
Starting point is 01:36:54 and some held the standard curvy integral signs and Greek letters that I remembered for my college calculus classes. Something on the last page caught my eye. A mess of computations that started 12 pages earlier ended with this line. Selection ratio equals 0.379. Hmm. The last thing Helen wrote to me included the same number.
Starting point is 01:37:20 There's only a 37.9% chance. I'll see you again. I've spent the last three months studying those 12 pages of calculations. The main thing I've learned was that Helen was far more brilliant than I realized. Whatever problems she worked out on those last 12 pages drew from the fields of probabilities, statistics, game theory, population dynamics, Bayesian analysis, and non-Euclidean geometry. Oh, my heart, whenever I hear that phrase.
Starting point is 01:37:48 I went over the notebook again and again. What was 37.9%? What was she calculating? As far as I can tell, which is it very far, she was studying some attribute of people who have died. There's nothing conclusive in her notebooks, so I have to guess. Based on data gathered in high-energy physics experts at Lawrence Livermore, Helen calculated that a 37.9% of people who die
Starting point is 01:38:14 continued to experience some form of existence after death. With one exception, I don't regret anything that I've done in Helen's impossible life. I would do it all over again. from performing a caesarian section on a pregnant infant to adopting the child I delivered, to saying goodbye to whatever it is that she became. The only regret I have is that I didn't learn her mother's name. I often think back to the day in the mall when Helen was eight years old. She had no idea that the girl on the other side of the food court was her mother,
Starting point is 01:38:48 but Helen sensed something, not a maternal bond or a vague sense of familiarity. whatever eight-year-old Helen sensed in that child activated something dark inside of her. Helen said, I want to eat her. I think she meant it literally. Eight-year-old Helen
Starting point is 01:39:08 said that eating her mother might help her get out one day. I don't know what she thought she needed to get out of, but if helping Helen out of something she's stuck in can return me to her, then I'm going to help. I went online
Starting point is 01:39:25 I went to the courthouse and dug through moldering adoption paperwork I hired a private investigator I dug into the past and discovered the name of the infant who was my surgical patient on that terrible and wonderful night in 1982 that baby's an adult now
Starting point is 01:39:40 I found her address her employer her credit history I didn't care about HIPAA regulations privacy agreements or anything like that I gathered bought and stole all the information I could find about the family that I adopted Helen from. The box that contained the tablet, camera, and her notebook had a return address label on it, a PO box in Livermore, California.
Starting point is 01:40:05 But everything I learned about Helen's mother into an envelope and sent it to that PO box. One more task remains. A task that has a 37.9% chance of success. I need to see my daughter again. I need to exist in a universe where she also exists. I've decided to kill myself. It wasn't an easy decision. It was based on imperfect information and guesswork about Helen's research.
Starting point is 01:40:30 But death feels like forward motion. Motion towards an existence where I can be with my daughter. Posting the strange memoir is my final living act. I have no family left to say goodbye to. My close friendships were their decades ago. Perhaps the information I've written here will be useful to investigators or to people related to the woman who referred to my daughter as excess tissue.
Starting point is 01:40:54 Hopefully the information I sent to the PO box will make its way to Helen. She will finally eat the woman who shares her birthday. Goodbye. If my daughter's calculations are correct, my plan succeeds. There's a 37.9% chance I'll meet you one day.
Starting point is 01:41:11 I love how he ends his stories. Yeah. Always like just a nice little cherry on top. It's just like a little dink. Yeah. That one was great too. I liked the religious aspect. that ties in with just the the science nature of it as well.
Starting point is 01:41:26 Like it'd be interesting to if this was like a longer story because once again this one was pretty tight like pretty short. But it's very effective. Like very that hits pretty hard. I mean like going through it would have been nice to you know really live with these characters a little bit longer
Starting point is 01:41:43 because I really in terms of like actual character building I really enjoyed the dynamic of the dad here. It's such a brutal place too to be like well my daughter. the devil, but I have to kill myself to go see her, you know, like the, the sort of desperation to that. It's very violent. Yeah, the conclusion to that is so harrowing in a weird way. It's also, it's kind of like a psychotic break in a weird way. You can't tell if this guy is really rationally there and he's kind of making conclusions about her work and all that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 01:42:15 Not to say that he's wrong, but I'm just saying you can read it in a way where this man's just like, well, I'm going to kill myself and see my daughter. I can see that. I can see that. being uh i don't know i could also see that just being someone who's just emotionally distraught and that's their kind of uh emotional reaction in response to that thing um but really enjoyed it really enjoyed that it just like this author peter peter right yeah uh peter something dark uh let me make sure i got this right david peter cross i think let me look david peter cross where's a clicked on in about a second ago why am I stupid uh Peter Frost David Peter Frost David I really enjoy the commitment to the initial idea starting with a very absurdist hook and then really kind of like rationalizing it in a fun way while not deviating and trying to give it too much grounded realism like I think the rationale isn't necessarily something that's like it's rational in the sense of it makes sense uh in terms of uh in terms of of reality, but more so it rationalizes it in the story with having characters interact
Starting point is 01:43:27 and like continuously reaffirm the hook of the story. You know, like the guy basically adopting a key chain size baby. She gets raised and like then introducing these new kind of weird absurdist things, but never revealing its hand too much, kind of just like it's in a way, it becomes an answer to why to her, her, her. abrupt like you know pregnancy and delivery of this baby but it doesn't fully say this is the answer it kind of just dangles a carrot in front of your face and leads you down this little uh this trail which is just a lot of fun i really enjoyed both of these stories from him it goes really hard
Starting point is 01:44:08 what do you think that means that like uh helen has to eat uh her mother to get out what do you think that means well there's a couple things one i didn't know if because the whole thing she says I saw it one day. It's not like it's happened yet, but I've seen it happen. So my whole thing is, does she have to, quote unquote, eat? I'm guessing either possess or kill her mother to return from hell is what I'm wondering. Is if that's what that means. There's a lot of, especially with biblical and demon shit, there's a lot of stuff about like devouring or consuming, you know.
Starting point is 01:44:45 And I think that's always open for interpretation. So wonder if she says, I need to eat. this person is it an actual is it an actual you know consuming or is it more just like metaphorical translation of there there was that one line they said when they went to uh look at the paintings where he said uh what was that um skipped all the way i'm going to eat my when i go to hell i'm going to eat my way out through my bloodline yeah i mean it sounds like she's legitimately going to have to kill her mother is the big thing. Almost like, it seems like a, I don't know, like.
Starting point is 01:45:29 It's like her soul is some ancient demon that's existed in hell for generations that's mad and found a way out. And now it's finding a way to like take revenge on like, it's bloodline, the people who made it exist, the demons of hell that made it exist, you know? Yeah. And I don't know. Maybe a demon. There's a lot of ways to think about it.
Starting point is 01:45:47 even or something like that like you could take it so many different directions yeah there's so many ways to hypothesize what is happening in the story because there's a lot of things too where it's like well you are already out and living in the world so where exactly like going to hell and finding your true form and then re rekindling into the world is it something that's supposed to be a sign of the end times or something is it somebody bringing hell with them you know it's just there's a lot of different ways like you said that if think you can interpret this um but once again as always which i don't know if people feel the same way i think i just really love don't reveal your full hand like this is the funnest part of these
Starting point is 01:46:29 stories is being able to talk with your buddies about it and being able to speculate on it because the whole thing is you could read this again in the future and you take it a completely different way and i think that's just such a powerful thing with these stories and it doesn't feel like a cop out either like i think that the the story has a definitive enough end to where we there's a finite into this character but the results of those things are different but I don't think I need
Starting point is 01:46:52 to necessarily know the results more so the closure of this our main character the dad so I thought it was very interesting and I think it's a great way to round out the episode it is I'll say one more time
Starting point is 01:47:06 check out we'll link it in the description on Amazon you can get paperback or Kindle second death do not speak the names of the dead do not pray is the full title of it by Peter Frost David.
Starting point is 01:47:19 It seems to somehow link together the story we just read about the daughter as well as the Glenmont Metro story. Because there is another story, a three-parter called My Patient has spent eight months or spent eight million years under a bench in the Glenmont Metro. That story seems to combine the elements from both and then the second death is like a full novel about it. Interesting. So check out the second death.
Starting point is 01:47:47 if you're interested in seeing this story continue further. We certainly enjoyed it. And he seems to be a great author. So show some love. Yeah, no seriously. Go pick up a book. Give the guy some love. Be sure to get a physical copy of these books as well.
Starting point is 01:47:57 You never know what might happen where these things just disappear one day. So I am always an adamant. I always recommend getting physical copies of anything that we read if you enjoy it. You just never know. And also thank you for everyone who's listening on Spotify or Apple Podcast right now and has rated the podcast with a nice rating, I guess. Whatever. But thank you. The audio side of the things help us a lot. And this year has been an insane year of growth and just the community coming together. The amount of memes and like fun and camaraderie has been so explosive and so awesome. And just so looking forward to next year and what we can do with reading stories and just introducing more stories and more authors to our audience. And just wanted to say thank you as well. It's been awesome. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all very much for everything. means the world. This year has been incredible, uh, and I'm excited to just keep, keep on, keep it on, right? Uh, but thank you all for the blessing. It means the world.
Starting point is 01:48:57 You all have a good rest of your day. We will catch you in the next one. See you all later in the next one and be sure to, um, not go to hell. I don't know. I don't know. ... P. ...you know. ...
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