CreepCast - The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast

Episode Date: February 9, 2025

In this collection, a heavy package returns to sender and starts to smell. Something is happening to all the pigeons. And, a hot air balloon flies across the sky with no one in it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Today we are doing a grab bag of sorts from an author named Manon Lyset. And I, we wanted to read a body of this author's work primarily because I found a story called The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real. And I just thought that was a really fun title. And after looking at some of the works, they're a bit smaller. So I figured we would read probably three, like two or three of them and just get a feel for the author. because a lot of these titles of these stories are really cool. I think we're going to start with a package marked return to sender.

Move into the pigeons around here aren't real. And then end off with it all started with a hot air balloon. I don't know. I think that the titles are fun. And also I love these little dives on authors that have like shorter bodies of work. It's fun to kind of like get the just like quick glimpses of these stories. Mm-hmm. I think that Manon, I'm not.

seen like a ton of publish work but it looks like I think he does a lot of is he crafts like these little Halloween decorations stuff like that like he does little sculptures of like Jacko Landers and go so if you go to his Twitter which is the same name as his no sleep man in Lissett or man in Lyset however it's pronounced he has a link to an Etsy page called Manon's pumpkin patch and he crafts little like a Christmas ornaments that are skulls and ghosts and stuff like that looks pretty cool He also has a children's book he made, apparently. Little Pumpkin and the Fairy Lights,

which is about like a little Jacko Lantern pumpkin patch and stuff, and it looks very cute. So this guy's like an artist. These little figurines are sick. Yeah, he's like an artist, but like not in like just talking about dead people and like growth stuff like us.

Like in a legitimate way. Are we sure this is also a man? Have we, are we for sure this is a man? I was assigning, I was assigning a gender there when I have no idea with that. I think the word man in

like subtly put into my brain man but I don't know this person whoever this is does little I'm gonna you know what you said man I'm just gonna say woman I have no idea I mean it doesn't really matter to me

I don't give a fuck but I like the titles of these stories I'm very excited especially just the the pigeon one the birds freak me out I just don't like birds you know what I mean I don't I don't like the thousand mile stare that birds give It's just I don't know if you don't have eyelids. It's like what's the point or whatever do birds have eyelids? It's a quick Google I'm almost positive. That's gonna be yeah I think I don't know if all of them I'm almost positive that yes birds have eyelids actually they have three eyelids. Okay well that makes it even worse. Yeah, well that's upper eyelid that far lower eyelid and then nicotitating nicotating nicotating membrane. A translucent third

eyelid that moves horizontally across the eye from inner to out. Oh, my God. The, uh, I do, I do love a nice parrot though. Very, very, or are two can is the part where, like two can and this is the part where you launch into a story about like you watched a parrot like get molested or something when you were a child or no, no, no. Actually, I can give you a quick story about a bird. But first, I just want to

tell you, uh, be sure to listen to this episode on Spotify. Uh, feel free to support us on the audio platforms if you are driving or commuting to work or something. Consider listening and rating us on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It really does help us out a lot. Now let me get to you before we move into a package marked return to sender. I had this aunt I lived with whenever I first moved to California. She lived in this retirement community in a town that I won't say. I mean, I just just did not give some specifics. But she did live in California. She had a bird like a parrot in her house that would talk to her. right and but i always thought was weird as she clipped the wings so it couldn't fly away and i

remember asking her i was like that's like that's the most fucking torturous thing i've ever heard in my life clipping a bird's wings and it's just like cool i got to walk around that's what birds are known for you know what i mean so then she's like oh it's not a big deal it happens that people do it all the time you know whatever and she basically made it assinuate that she's just like you know i i i i'm letting i'm letting my animal do what it wants It wants to hang out inside, so I'm doing that. And I'm like, okay, so that's cool. It wants to hang out inside.

So I'm going to cripple it. That's a fun way to look at it. So to deviate from that, because this is where it gets a little spicy is. We don't even talk about the bird at all. One night, I come home, once again, I mind you, she's in a retirement community. I come home, she's watching America, Ninja Warrior in the living room. And her dog is licking her feet, like obsessively, like, whatever. Like, uh, what, uh, what are you doing?

She's like, I'm just watching American Ninja Warrior. And I mean, that little motherfucker is going at those pigies like crazy. Her feet are glistening. Like it's just been like licking at it forever. And I kind of sit down because, I mean, it's, it's abhorrent. It's like obscene. It's like watching a car wreck. And I was like, you, uh, you just letting them kind of go at your feet.

She's like, yeah, I just let it my animals do whatever they want. And it was an weird parallel where it was the same thing with the parrot, right? I'm letting this is what he wants so I clipped his wings so my ass was thinking I'm like did this crazy crazy old fucking woman

lather her feet up in some kind of like I don't know coconut oil honey or fucking peanut butter and she's just like you want to lick my feet you like it you know what I mean so anyways the whole thing was

every afternoon she would sit there and she would watch American Ninja Warrior and then that dog would come up and lick its liquor feet for like hours. Like, I mean, like a long time. Are you done? Yeah. I guess.

I thought that might be that whenever I heard said parrot, that may just remind me of that. So, sorry. Sorry about that. Hello, hello. We'd like to take a minute to thank today's sponsor Rocket Money. Another day I wasted so much time trying to cancel subscriptions. Oh my God, so many subscriptions.

It's ridiculous. They make it hard on purpose, and I almost just hung up the phone and made Nick do it. Sorry, Nick. Well, today's sponsor Rocket Money is here to help. Rocket Money is an easy-to-use app that helps you save more and manage your money better. I love using Rocket Money to cancel unwanted subscriptions. Once you get set up with Rocket Money and connect your bank account, the app finds all your subscriptions and puts them into a nice little pretty list.

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Hopefully I said that name right. Lissette. Lyset. Don't know. Let's get into it. My neighbor is one of those annoying want to be you two personalities. Okay, well, immediately. All right.

I was like, all right. Oh, no, what do you mean? They're pointing guns out. I'm sorry. Personality. Well, it's called down here. Okay. Out of the gate swinging.

Over the years, I've seen him cough out cinnamon lay flat on the hood. Oh, it's one of these people. Okay. in that case, yes, I agree. We have to kill this guy. I've seen him cough out cinnamon, lay flat on the hood of his car, as it slowly creeps down the driveway,

and douse himself in lukewarm water, all while screaming, Epic Win, Epic Fail, or Epic Maintenance. Would you like to read these in a YouTuber voice and an influencer voice? Epic win. Epic fail. Fuck! Epic maintenance at the status quo.

Who the fuck says that? Where did that come from? I think that's the author being sarcastic. It's like they're screaming epic win, epic fell or epic maintenance of the status quo for all I know. Oh, so this is like a, this is like a lay meme moment, whatever. Or epic maintenance of the status quo, sheep. Yeah, I think I think that's the live.

Sheeple. Sheeple. It can get tiring to watch him go about his shenanigans in the pursuit of viral fame. So when he knocked on my door the other day, told me he was going away for a few weeks. and asked that I get his mail. Honestly, it was a relief. I can't explain the peace of mine I had,

knowing I didn't have to brace myself for any of his stupidity for a while. I was always afraid his stunts would wind up bleeding over into my life. I like the idea, too. I like the idea of this guy being like, because you immediately thought the YouTube person was like a kid. But now he's like, can you pick up my mail? I'm like, this is a 38 year old guy. Yeah, well, he said like on his car, on his own car, right?

Yeah. I expected like a 16 or 17-year-old is what I was expecting. I mean, this guy should know all you need in order to be successful on YouTube is just find a bunch of stories that you didn't write and then make glorified React content. Hey, come on, man. Hey, we're, we're, it's a campfire story podcast. Break in the money. All right, dude.

All right. I, you know what? We do a good service here. And we bring, I don't have to, I don't have to defend us. No, go ahead. I want to hear. I want to hear. We're going to be ostracized.

I want to hear what your defensive. this would even be. Go ahead. What do we do? That's a good work. You know what? Nothing, dude. Not a damn thing. No, no. I thought it was friendly banter where you could, sure, you could read the story on your own, but this is reading it with pals, fun voices, fun interaction and bits. It's basically getting together and going camping with your buddies, except less, uh, probably less homosexual stuff going on. Right? How bad, uh, can I be? I'm just building me. Why do I feel like you, why do I feel like you've done a little fucking?

Why do I feel like you've done a little scratch-ish-sniff with your body's down by the river? I'm not, we are not finishing whatever that sentence was. You were about to say you cut that out right now. I was making a joke about us being like greedy economists. There's no reason for you to take it to that degree. That was uncalled for inappropriate. You also, you can never, okay, I'm not, I'm not getting down. I'm not going down to your level.

I'm not stepping into the trench. You always cross your level. legs whenever you bring up the word canoe you always do okay that you know what you can never just say did you ever do anything uh did you ever have like uh an experience with a friend a man you phrase it like got a little scratch incident with your buddies you always make it so much like tiger tail you always see like that you always bring it down like five steps past where it would it doesn't we don't even need to be there in the first place but you go to the sub basement of the floor we weren't even supposed to be on every time.

I'm not trying to belittle or make light of the things you've done with your buddies in the past. Like I'm not trying to like say it's gross. I'm just saying sometimes a little scratches nifts. Okay. I mean, can I get back to the story? There was a famous quote that said there was a famous quote. I forgot it who was from but it said sometimes the cucumber tastes better

pickled. Oh, you're referencing your own quotes. That is how desperate we are for content. We're cannibalizing our own clips that people like. It was from a show or something. I can't remember what show it was. That was a show.

That was some kind of like a comedy central show. I swear to God. Perhaps some kind of creepy one. No, no, no. It was a comedy central show. Okay. Can I go back to read this story?

He's a, his neighbor's a YouTuber. He asked him to take the mail. Okay. Yes. He's like, come get the mail. Things were pretty normal for the first couple of days.

He received a few bills, a bit of spam. And what I could only assume was a birthday card. Then one evening, I got home to find a cardboard box waiting on his front porch. Big red letters was written, return to sender. So that's referring to the book, like the guy sent the box and now it's brought back to his house. I would think. Right.

I would think so, yeah. I'm no small fry, but I admit I had trouble lifting the box of my own. It was really freaking heavy. Lugging it across the road to my house was even harder and I quickly realized there was no way I was going to drag it up the stairs and through my front door. I decided I'd leave his package of my garage. It wasn't like I kept my car in there. The garage door was a piece of shit that refused to open without a good thug and a whack. It was less trouble just leaving the car in the driveway than it was to fight with the garage door every morning and night. In hindsight, I should have set the package down while I struggled to open the tricky door, but you know how it is when you've got a good grip on something.

No point in send it down if you don't have to. It was as I kicked the door for a third time that I lost my grip on the package and it fell to the ground. I heard a light crack inside. shit I hoped I had it broken anything important but figured I just wouldn't tell my neighbor about it and let him assume the break happened on route

wow what a guy what what a buddy if it broke while it was in the box then it broke while it was in the box you know like right I can't who am I to say you know when I'm not omniscient I don't know when it cracked exactly yeah

I fucking punted it like a Nerf football it was close it was close when I found it You know, so who's to say? It is Schrodinger's broken cat. You know, it's both, it's neither broken or not broken until you open it. Philosophical. That's right. Hands free, I finally managed to get the garage store unstuck.

And boy, did it screech in protest as it rolled up and over me. I tracked the box the rest of the way, set it in the corner for whenever my neighbor would come back to claim it. Then I forgot all about it, till a few days past, that is. I'm not sure exactly. how long it took for the smell to waft in from the crack under the garage to house door, but came in slow progression. It was a sickly sweet odor, similar to a skunk, and for the first few days after I smelled it,

I genuinely assumed that's exactly what it was. Roadkill that had left its mark on my house. It was only when I realized the scent was growing more intense instead of fading, that I went looking for a source. That's when I opened the garage door, that's when the odor knocked me back, holding my nose. uh so my guess right now is that it's a dead person yeah makes you think of one of those like true crime true crime things where the cops go in and it's like oh there's a dead body in a freezer

or something or like in a closet uh yes i think because that smelled the sickly sweet smell is always the way that uh dead human bodies are described uh so maybe really yes i did not know that so wait sick so it's like road kill but it has like a smells like, I guess how would it be sweet? Smells like how it smells like rotten fruit. Oh, okay. That there's like weird. There's a tone.

It's because I think it's because of like the bacteria in people or something like that. It's kind of like it's like there's a tinge of like, oh, there's supposed to be something there that isn't rotten. You know, like when food goes bad. But it's mostly just like sickly is a good word for it. It's like there's a drape of like smog on top of. it yeah the culprit wasn't hard to identify the only change in my garage was the box in the corner i remember thinking it must have been one of those meat of the month subscription boxes the meat must have gotten rancid from being left out of the fridge for so long how much meat could have been

in there for the box to have been so large and heavy entire freaking cow i covered my nose as i approached the box a pair of scissors in my hands i probably wouldn't have needed them to open as it had become soggy enough at the bottom to poke through with a finger but I wasn't about to poke my finger into spoiled meat juices. That soggy bottom was the reason I had to open the box

in the first place. If I tried to drag it out whole, everything would spill onto the floor. I was going to have to dump the pieces of meat one garbage back at a time, take them down to the dumpster, a process I wasn't looking forward to. My scissors tore through the tape

along the top of the cardboard box. I thought the smell couldn't get any worse, but as I flipped the flaps open, I discovered a whole new gamut of stink. It was like opening a burning oven, but instead of a heat wave, I was met with waves of piss, sweat, shit, and putrefaction. It was so bad that I staggered back and had to force down the puke, begging to guzzle out of me. I don't think I could have handled that scent mingling with the horrors coming out of the box. I'm not ashamed to admit I ran out of the door for a breath of fresh air, but in the short time I'd spent in the garage, the smell had become so ingrained in the fabric of my clothes that it clung to me like a shadow. Nothing I tried to keep the smell out of my nostrils, not air fresheners, not a face mask, not three showers in a change of clothes.

Every second that box lay open to my garage was another second the smell was allowed a foothold into my home. I had to bite the bullet. I returned to the garage, the flaps of the box still open as though inviting me to look. I was prepared, a clothespin pin pinning my house. nostrils shut, a garbage bag in one hand, the strongest cleaner I could find in the other, and long rubber gloves to keep my skin from having to touch what was inside. But, as it turns out, I needed none of those things. I would have to touch or clean the contents of the box. I'd only have to suffer the nightmares every night. You see, there was meat in that box, but it didn't come from a cow

or a pig. No, it was worse than that. It was my neighbor, dead. still in one piece but dead oh wow that's like all curled up like wrapped up so wait saying that the neighbor is in

the person that was like hey I'm leaving can you check my mail? Yeah the YouTube wannabe guy yeah can you check the mail for me?

So this is either he was so yeah he was either it almost feels deliberate of like he knew it was going to be returned back yeah

and I guess then why would you even send it or maybe I'm curious well I'm getting to have myself go ahead I called the cops

and naturally they took me in for interrogation It's kind of hard not to suspect the man with a corpse in his garage, after all. Thankfully, they soon realized I wasn't involved. My DNA might have been all over the box. The smell might have left it marked throughout my house. But there was one piece of irrefutable evidence of my neighbor's own hands that proved my innocence.

A vlogging camera. They showed me the footage only once. I'm not sure if they were allowed to, or if they felt so bad for me they figured it couldn't hurt. Either way, I saw it. my neighbor was sitting in the box outside of a shipping facility laughing as he told the world how he was going to mail himself across state lines he brought pee bottles food a pillow and a few flashlights his friend a guy had seen at his place several times to help with his stunts closed the lid and presumably dropped him off for shipment throughout the next couple of hours or days i'm honestly not sure my neighbor recorded a few short clips about his progress i think i'm in the truck now i can feel moving must be in a warehouse pretty warm here still got plenty of food that kind of stuff and then on the last entry the box toppled over he broke his neck and that was it the camera recorded until either the memory card got too full or the battery died there's one thing i did tell the police after

they showed me the video one thing i heard in the footage that will haunt me to the day i die just after the tumble that broke his neck i heard the familiar screeching sound of my my garage door. Oh, that's fun. Oh, I like that. That's the little end. That's awesome. Yeah, that's a fun little, I like, you know, this reminds me of a bit is it reminds me of

the scary stories to tell in the dark. Yeah, just like little micro horror vignettes. Yeah. It's, it prompts up an idea. You think you know where it is. And on the last second, on the last little line, it kind of subverts it at the last second of like, you know, I love the idea too of like, uh, because I'm guessing that the whole thing was he was like, I'm going to mail, I'm going to like mail myself back to my house is what I'm

wondering. Well, the joke is like, I'm going to be a box like, I'm going to vlog going through all this state lines. And then eventually it's going to get returned to send her. So I'll like surprise my buddy or something. Well, it's like, and then it's like, hey, check my mail. So I expect he's like, the big surprise is that he's going to pop out and be like, hey. Yeah. Whatever with his camera. Crack. But no, you grab the, you grab the thing. I guess. because two, the thing is he would be quiet because he doesn't want you to know that it's him, but didn't the smell

already, didn't the smell already happened? No, so he said, I went back to read it. So he drops it, puts it in the corner and he says after a few days passed, I'm not sure how long it took for the smell to waft in. Okay, so he was going to do like a little surprise thing, but

didn't expect to fall and break his neck. So he just died. And then he says, so after a few days, he started to smell something. And then he says the first few days after I smelled it, it was slow progress. But then like after. Yeah, just a body decomposing. So after like a cup, he probably didn't open this guy for a couple weeks.

Yeah. And it's just like sitting in a garage or something, like a hot garage. Just fesstering. Yeah, exactly. Baking in a cardboard UPS box. Do you know how funny that footage would be though?

A guy in there. It's just like, you know, like heavy breathing like, like a guy probably laughing like a little bit. And they're just, you know what? Just like that got.

Yeah, exactly. That's all it would be, it'd be haunting. Don't get me wrong, but at the same time, kind of funny. A little, it's a little funny. I have to compliment the writing here because, like, it got me like twice. Because I remember the, at the very first time when it's like, because we and you said from the beginning, like, it's a human body. It's definitely a human body.

But it's like, oh, it's his friend's human body. Oh, that's a surprise. And then at the end of it's like he died because he dropped him and that crack mentioned earlier was his neck. oh, like it kept having fun deliveries, even though you kind of knew where it was going. It's pretty good. It's the fun, I was wondering how it was going to loop around to with, it's like, oh, he's a content guy.

He does a lot of stupid stuff. I've seen him do stupid things like choke on cinnamon. And it was one of those things where you're probably like, oh, this is just describing like, not an imbecile, but you're just like, it's this like kind of just kind of a strange personal person doing something for fame. Yeah. So you're wondering, my mind immediately went like, oh, he killed somebody and mailed it to his house or, you know, whatever, which doesn't make a lot of sense.

But the idea of him doing a prank like this is, yeah, makes no sense. He did like a J station. Like, I'm ordering someone from the dark web video or whatever, like a body showed up. Yeah. So this next one is the pigeons around here aren't real. This is kind of an older one, 10 years ago. And it won the best title of 2015, uh, 2015 into December 2016, uh, award, which it is, it's a great title.

Very, you know, we talk about the titles and, you know, how titles themselves are. pieces of art as well of like getting people hooked and your imagination also running like a title is just as important as the body is this the one that won uh this just says best title of 2015 so i'm guessing it won best okay title but i'm not sure i don't know about story i don't the redid thing confuses me because sometimes it'll i know it'll show an award but it's like oh no that's not the story's award that's an award the author got one time it's like yeah the the the award the author got or sometimes to i think it just like puts that it puts that award on on the author's description so it appears on like maybe every one of their stories even though maybe it's just for one particular

thing i don't know how the reddit award thing works like you whatever but uh yeah this song this story is called the pigeons around here aren't real once again by man and lisa we're only reading their stories today so let's uh let's dive into this one pigeons around here aren't real are you ready hunter the pigeons around here are not real i'm ready It's no secret that big cities have pigeon problems. Toronto was no exception. Like rats in the Middle Ages, the disease-carrying vermin spent the past decade

running a mug and increasing their numbers. It was my job to try and keep Toronto's ever-growing pigeon population in check. Thankfully, I came across an article about a pilot project where researchers replace pigeon eggs with wooden substitutes. The birds, too stupid to know the difference, spent months carrying for the fake eggs instead of producing more. The project was a huge success, and the pigeon population decreased significantly in a short amount of time. It sounded like the perfect plan, so I implemented the solution in my city.

What I didn't count on was for those fake eggs to hatch and for the abominations inside to be released into the world. That's kind of interesting. Weird. Yeah, that's cool. Clint, my partner, came in one morning carrying a large wooden crate with a straw poking out of every crevice. Looks like Christmas came earlier this year What is this stuff I walked over excitedly

Helping him set the box down on a workbench This I said prided open to reveal its contents Is the solution to our pigeon problem Reaching inside I took one of the eggs I was a little disappointed To see that they weren't wooden As promised

Instead they were thin, light Hollow like those cheap plastic Easter eggs It wasn't close to what I was expecting Oh, well, that's what you get for ordering off eBay, I thought. Clint took a handful. These are the replicas you ordered? They don't feel remotely the same as the real deal.

We were well aware of what the eggs felt like. Up until then, the only way to decrease the pigeon population was to sneak into their nest and steal the eggs. It was a futile, temporary solution, because the birds were just to lay new eggs once they realized theirs were gone. That's what made the idea of using substitutes so damn good. It's fine, Clint. They don't have to fool us. They just have to fool the pigeons. This will work, trust me.

I was right. The pigeons fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. A few months passed, and we started seeing a decline in the amount of younger birds in the area. I can't tell you how proud I was of what I'd done. I'd found a safe, environmentally friendly way of dealing with the flying rats at the cheap cost of a few hundred dollars and an elevator trip to pigeon nesting grounds atop high-rise rooftops around the city. The problem started about three months in Clint and I were inspecting nests on opposite sides of the city

I was halfway up the building when Clint called me Yo! I said as I brought the phone to my ear The sound of wind could be heard in the background Evidently Clint had reached his destination Hey, some of our eggs broke The elevator came to a stop, doors swinging open to let me off I stepped out and made my way to a small staircase leading to the rooftop We'll just have to replace them.

No big deal. There had been a few violent storm since our last inspection, and I figured the eggs must have fallen from the nest and shattered on impact. See, this is why wood would have been better. I grumbled to myself as I exited onto the rooftop for my inspection. Fuck. What? Most of my eggs were broken too.

The strange thing was that they were still tucked in the nest, right where we left them. had the pigeons figured out our ploy and attacked the replicas? Were the fake eggs too frail to survive our harsh Canadian weather? I groaned. It's the same here. We're going to have to start over. I told him, defeated.

It's all good. We can hatch a new plan. I paused for a moment. Did you just... I began, but he interrupted. Just look on the sunny side of things, yeah? Puns at a time like this, puns. don't yoke with me

the funniest slide there to be was puns at a time like this puns it's like this isn't a joking matter Clint the eggs are broken yeah the fragile hollow eggs this is not a time for laughter you never take anything seriously this is why Margaret left

we couldn't leave the nest unintended for too long otherwise all our progress would go down the drain I sent Clint to replace the broken eggs with what was left from our original order In the meantime, I searched online for anyone selling wooden eggs. Unfortunately, cheapest and fastest shipper was a person we had ordered from the first time around. We needed these eggs quickly, and our budget was pretty tight.

I figured I'd order the subpar eggs one more time. If they lasted long enough for city officials to see the plan was working nicely, then I was sure I could convince them to increase our budget so we could order better supplies next fiscal year. Just to be sure the pigeons weren't attacking our fake eggs, I also set up a security camera on one of the rooftops. I needed to know if they got wise to our ruse, though I highly doubted they had the mental capacity to do so. Still, the project would prove fruitless if the birds weren't fooled by our cheap imitations.

So it was best to keep an eye out. Over the course of the following weeks, I started getting strange reports about small animals behaving weirdly. Frankly, I didn't pay much attention to them at first. They sounded a little insane to tell them. the truth. One woman claimed she'd seen a pigeon climb a tree. She said he crawled up the bark like a squirrel. Another report stated that a chipmunk had been seen attacking and killing a neighborhood dog. Another witness called in about an injured cat, but when he investigated, all he found

was a pelt. By the time I read the fifth report, I was starting to get a little worried. What was even more troubling to me was that these reports were coming from all over the city. if it had been confined to a single neighborhood I would have suspected an outbreak of rabies or a new disease of some sort but the reports were coming in from all around Toronto and its suburbs which span an extremely large area

how could anything spread so quickly it had to be something else I was just about to do a bit of research on the subject when Clint came in wearing a scowl broke shi broke shitty fucking eggs broke again grumbled throwing him on a chair. I force a grin.

Crack a smile, would you? The puns. He tossed his worksheet on the table. That was an excellent pun. He replied, releasing a chuckle. Do you remember the brain the footage? He ends up his coat and reached into his pocket for an SD card. Got you covered.

Movie time. We uploaded the footage and took a look. Pigeons. Pigeons sitting on their nests. Pigeons preening. Pigeons flapping their wings at one another. A squirrel. A squirrel getting chased away by birds.

More pigeons. It must have been the dullest security tape in the world. The kind of footage that even David Attenborough's lovely voice wouldn't be able to save. We fast-forwarded through days of pigeons doing pigeon-y things. Never once did they show any violence towards our replica eggs. Clinton had dosed off by the time something finally had. happened on screen. The only reason I was still conscious was due to the copious amount of coffee I'd ingested that morning. It was dead of night. In the video, at least, one of the birds

flew off its egg and perched itself on the nest, peering inside. This is it, I thought, leaning closer to the screen. I figured he'd attacked the egg, but I was wrong. I watched as a video soundlessly continued, and something cracked open the egg from the inside. my jaw gaped open this wasn't possible the eggs were plastic shells the only explanation was that we'd missed one real egg

somewhere in the bunch yeah that had to be it I was witnessing the birth of a baby pigeon nothing weird except baby pigeons don't look like smoke a puff of dark air came out of the egg the pigeon head inches from it

inhaled the gassy substance it reared back and stood completely completely still for about a minute before falling over. I watched as it started thrashing violently, like it was having a seizure. Then, from its beak spewed some kind of chunky liquid that evaporated as soon as it hit the air. The pigeon's body seemed to deflate like a balloon, and so the creature was being hollowed out. I was left staring incredulously the flat, immobile husk of what had once been a pigeon. Suddenly, the pigeon's chest bulged out and the animal regained its form.

At least, sort of. Its proportions were all wrong. Its wings were bloated and angled oddly. Most of its girth was in its neck rather than stomach, and its midsection had stretched out unnaturally. It was like looking at an animal pelt draped over the wrong mound. Like a lunatic taxidermist's cruel experiment. The abomination of nature jerked.

its head towards the ledge. It twisted onto his back legs, contorting and dislocated in such a way as to be able to reach the ground. From its throat, I could see stump-like arms stretching out, Klein at the cement rooftop. In quick and jagged movements, the creature skittered over the edge and disappeared from view. I was shocked, unable to believe what I had seen. I had to watch and re-watch the video several times before it occurred to me to wake Clint up. He grumbled unhappily, rubbed his tired eyes and looked at me. You won't believe this. I rebound the footage and pressed play.

His eyes widened with the same disgusted disbelief as mine. Even on my fifth viewing, I couldn't wrap my head around it. This is bad. I know. After watching the video a few more times, we went home. I think we both hoped a good night's sleep would help clear our minds. Maybe upon reviewing the tape, we'd realize we were mistaken. Maybe it was a trick at the light.

Unlikely, but we could only hope. Clint was already at work when I came in. His eyes were glued to the screen. Watching it again? Not exactly. I kept going. I approached the desk and peered at the monitor. Kept going.

His face was pale and his eyes weighed down by large bags. How long had he been here? Had he come in extra early? There was two days left of footage on that car. hard. And you went through it? Yeah. Did you see more of those things?

Clint pressed his lips together. Yeah, and some of them came back. I raised my eyebrows looking closer at the screen. I noticed something odd about one of the nest. There were multiple eggs resting in the sunlight. They were neither genuine pigeon eggs nor replicas. They were too big for that. Clint pointed to the batch, his hand,

shribling. It laid them. I felt a flesh of nervous energy climb up my spine like an elevator and then turned to the reports I'd been reading the day before. Were the eggs at the center of it all? We need to call the authorities.

We are the authorities. I paced around the room back and forth, back and forth, like a pendulum. The phone rang, interrupting my anxious march. It was another report of odd animal behavior. This time, the culprit was a deer.

In a spoofed and almost disgusted tone of voice, the woman on the line explained that she'd seen a deer slithering along the river. She said its body was sideways, but its head was upright. What? Oh no, I thought. Whatever those things were, they could affect larger animals. While I tried to comfort the worried caller, I heard something from Clinton's workstation.

Crack. I turned around only to see a puffer, of smoke rising towards my co-worker. Oh, near his keyboard was a cracked shell, just like the ones on the rooftop. Without a word, Clint bolted to the bathroom, holding a hand over his mouth as though about to

puke. I dropped the phone and ran over to the door. It was locked. Clint! Are you okay? Silence. Silence. All of a sudden, I heard him heaving violently. A sound of moist gurgling and boiling

water erupted from the bathroom. Terrified of what would happen if Clint got out, I pushed the heavy workbench in front of the door. I stood in terrified silence as the noise came to a stop. Was Clint now lying as flat as a pancake against the porcelain throne? Would it turn into some sort of bastardization of a human body? Like what happened to the pigeon? Silence.

Silence. Silence. Bang! Clint threw himself against the door violently. Just one. one blow nearly threw the thing off its hinges. Again and again, he slammed himself against the surface, causing the workbench I'd placed in front of it to slowly inch away. All I could do was push myself against him to try and keep the door closed. My only thoughts were to keep him

from escaping, for my own safety. I knew to attack me if I let him out. I just knew it. The sound came to an unexpected halt, allowing me to breathe the sigh of relief. Maybe he'd expired, Maybe that thing needed fresh air to survive, whatever the reason I thought I was safe. But then I heard a crash. The window. I forgot all about the bathroom window. He's out there now. Him and those other mutated atrocities.

I don't know what they are or what they want. All I know is that they're roaming the city right now, doing God knows what. Most of them probably look like pigeons, but they can be anyone or anything. I just hope something figures out how to stop them because at last count there were over 700 of those cursed eggs planted around Toronto. Now that I know these things can reproduce, God knows how many more eggs might be out there. Sick. So that was the end before the first update. That's a really cool idea.

I'm guessing that that was the initial end and then now there's updates to it. Like there's more to the story. So we're not done yet. But no, that's really cool. I mean, I like the idea of, it seems like the manufacturer of this, of these eggs. Do you think that there are some kind of like cursed egg or something or?

It sounds like it like hollows you out as he said. And it fills you with some other animal, right? Because it describes the pigeons looking like squirrels. And it describes like the squirrels behaving like chipmunks behaving like other things. So it's like there's different, animals that kind of it's like they hollow you out and just fill you up with something right like the the deer that's slithering like a snake right it's like the yeah it's a soul of a soul the soul almost the figure of a snake inside of a deer it's almost like it transforms things into another kind of vermin yeah or something is what is what it feels like really putting emphasis on the vermin in the skies you know and that kind of thing and how if they could just you know have control of this thing then everything would be okay but it's like a hubris You know, it's like, it's very much to be in like, well, we can control nature. The thing that I'm curious about, I wonder if they get into more is like the thing, the place that they're manufacturing the eggs, is that the thing that's like, are they the reason that the things are cracking up with the smoke?

Or is it like the pigeons themselves or something with like, you know, mother nature being with these things? Is it like transforming even these eggs and producing something? You know what I mean? We're going to get updates that may describe it and that's fine. but I almost kind of like you never see what a human looks like when it goes through the process. It like goes into the bathroom

and you hear it throwing itself and it goes out of the window. God help me. God help me if this does not end with a pigeon man. I am going to be fucking livid. Well, but don't you like imagining the pigeon man?

I want to see that motherfucker come back with his three eyelids. Okay. And then being like, he's like, Clint, he's like, he's like,

Cud me. Cove me. You know what I mean? Something weird like that. I'd say go for it. Yeah, all right. Swing for the fences.

Fair enough. All right. Let's read the update. All right. Update one. He came back. I should have known he'd come back. He warned me before.

He said creature on our recording returned to its nest to lay an egg. Those monsters seem to have the salmon mentality. Going back to their place of birth when it came time to reproduce. Too busy answering a slew of panic calls. All the wild. panicking myself. I didn't hear him when he came in through the front door. Thankfully, I caught a shape from the corner of my eyes. Without even finishing my sentence, I dropped the phone and locked myself in the maintenance closet, praying he hadn't seen me. Outside the thin wooden door, the room was

quiet. If he was breathing, I couldn't hear it. His footsteps were just as silent. Had I overreacted? I had actually seen Clint, just a shadow of my peripheral vision. Maybe it was my imagination. I needed to know, so I knelt down, peered through the crack under the door, close and I to get a better look. I wish I had it. I wish I could erase that thing from my mind.

To preserve Clint's memory as the man I knew him to be, not that. Come on. Anything but that. What I saw was a mess of flesh inching along the floor like a slug. I could have figured out what was facing up, his back or his chest, his spineless torso had folded over bringing his arms nearly perfectly in line with his legs

his head now completely shapeless lay flat at his midsection his mouth reminded me of a figure in munch his famous painting the scream his great eyes stared at me but i could tell as he continued to slither toward his desk that they were useless decorations he disappeared from view then came a horrid sound A squishy and gooey noise that reminded me of that old slime ball toys that used to play with as a child. It lasted a few moments, stopped, started again, and stopped for good. Shaking in my boots, I remain concealed in my dark prison all day, ignoring repeated hunger pangs and my own instinct to run. I couldn't afford the risk of being caught. As days shifted into night, I began to wonder if I could sneak past him.

on our security tape I'd seen normal pigeons sitting on nearby nest seemingly unfazed by the creature maybe Clint wouldn't attack me I had to take the chance couldn't hide forever as quietly as I could I swung the door open and stepped into the office the thing wearing Clint's skin was gone thank God I thought out of morbid curiosity I glanced at his workstation where I'd heard the unsettling noises earlier there were two massive eggs sitting on his desk coded in a viscous substance. I didn't even want to think of the implications. I didn't want to know out of which orifice he laid them.

I wanted nothing to do with this anymore. I ran out of my office to my car and drove straight to Kingston. I'm not going back. I will never go back. Someone else will have to deal with this situation. How do you feel about Slug Man? Are you okay with that? No, I think that.

To your point, no, I don't think. I mean, don't even wrong in a movie sense or something. Don't even wrong. It's cool. Like, I mean, if I saw the thing, I'd be like, that thing rules. But in terms of, like, building, building tension and, uh, you know, uh, you wanted the pigeon. The, the horror of it. No, not even the pigeon.

I think that if you're going this angle where you're not even confronting it, I think don't even look at it. I think imagine it. Hear the sounds. Like, let kind of like in the last video we read of like a, uh, the blind woman. It's like hearing the thing and like not really knowing what. it looks like is more horrifying than being like oh yeah his like you know his face was flattened and it don't even wrong it's cool but i think to imagine something of like hearing noises of like animal noises it was a mixture of man and animal i think is uh would be a little more effective in

my opinion at least for me because then if anything too then when you go in and you see the eggs you're like what the fuck is this thing you know well that's the point i was making uh earlier with like uh Do you like it if it just ended at him flying out of the bathroom window, right? And you never sure. I mean, you could. I like the idea of him coming back. Like, I like the idea of spicing it up or something.

Yeah. But I think you could be like, I think it's like keeping it at the end before the updates. It rules as well, you know, would you, um, with. Also, we got one more update. It's really short. We do. We do have a more update.

I was going to say, um, would you feel differently if it did describe it, but it was a pigeon man? No. I mean, if it was the pigeon, he didn't even interact with it. It would be something like, it's almost like the fly or something

where it's like you need to interact with it. Like you need to like, it's like almost like deriving empathy from a creature. Even if the creature is like something that is, uh, trying to attack you or something. It's like being able to see your mutated friend and talk with it and like understand,

you know, that was the best thing of the fly initially is the whole thing is like an analogy of somebody like you know or that you love is like dying of cancer. and you have nothing you can do their body's rotting and they can't change it yeah exactly i think like if you do something at that angle even if you do some fun stuff where it's like a monster and it's trying to attack you having i think you can only go that far and you do a pigeon man i think pigeon man rules gonna go on my death by i'd say pigeon man rules but i think it's more so it works more effectively if the horror comes from like uh your your friend the human connection like

you know uh the human relationship can never be the same and it's this thing you know him being like I'm not going back and it's somebody else to deal with I think that's kind of a shitty character thing of like what you say you're just never like you don't give a fuck

about this guy like I think that's like I didn't really care for that but we got one let's just finish this last update yeah last update update two I thought I could get away from them but now I'm not so sure

maybe I'm imagining it but the pigeons outside look odd not as disproportionate and disfigured as what I saw in Toronto but there's something wrong about the way they move I think those things are learning to better mimic the shapes of what they're possessing. And now they've spread.

And that's the end of our story. You know, and I like the hubris of somebody being like these pigeons are annoying. We're going to like it's the hubris of man's thing like he could that it could control nature. I'm going to trick them into not reproducing. Yeah. And then now it's something where it's basically you've started a new black plague. You've started a new plague.

you know and I think that's I think that's a lot of fun I like that angle of it I do think it's stronger if you don't do the updates at all and you just have your buddy at the end gets thrown out and it's like if you're trying to have it be something short and to the you know punchy and you know it's it's concise and there's not all a fat on it I think the the story reads stronger that way but all and all I love I think it's a really fun story even though I'm still am confused by the eggs cracking open and like the air coming through I don't think you need to divulge like you know, you don't need to, like, harp on, like, this is why it's doing this. But I think just a little something more to where it's almost like, oh, I bought this, I bought these eggs from this dealer, which they did say, you know, it's the cheapest one. But is it like, is the dealer, like, is it a batch of something that's like cursed? Just a little something to where it, don't overly explain something, but at least give us just a bit more. Even though I wasn't really worried, like, I wasn't like, my mind, I didn't really give a fuck. I just like the weird body horror curse stuff that's like my cup of tea.

but just, you know, if I had a few criticisms that that's what it would be and just also the thing of him like abandoning his buddy at the end. I think like that's just kind of a a shitty character arc. And tonight be pudgent, uh, not even to be punished for it too. Because that's like a thing where it's like you

turn your back on your friend and then usually having something to where that guy now has to reap what he says, I think is a more satisfying conclusion. Yeah. Yeah. I think I like that story. It's a fun little vignette of like this thing is like possessing

shapes. It's very invasion of the body snatchers. Yeah. But it starts with animals and then works its way up to people and stuff. That was fun. I like that. Yeah. I got to say for like micro horror, this guy's really guy or girl since we, I don't know which one, but who knows who cares. Who knows who cares? I like their stuff. This is a good author. I'm digging it so far. Yeah. I mean, we can and I think just for

the sake of threes here. I think it's just to have it be a satisfying. We'll read one more, and it's, but once again about the same author, and it's called It All Started With a Hot Air Balloon. Kind of like me and you, our relationship. It's true. Me and you floating above the clouds.

So that's why I'm going to dedicate this last one. It all started with a hot air balloon to the viewer, to the audience. And if it sucks, I'm sorry, don't almost tell you, but this one's for you. This one's for you. Take it away. It appeared on the horizon early one morning. at the very far edge of Caleb's field. It was just a blip at first,

but as it gently wafted closer to my property, became large enough to blot out the sun. My son Henry was captivated. He'd never seen a hot air balloon in person before. He watched it drift closer and closer, then ran out on the porch in his dinosaur onesie, watched it creeping even closer. As I drank my coffee,

I could hear the sputters of the fire, keeping the colorful thing afloat. It would stop and start, periodically, burst into life in a geyser of flames. My son waved excitedly, but his excitement waned as the hot air balloon drew near. Mommy! There's no one in the basket! I heard the burner puttering. What do you mean, honey?

I stretched down and peered up at the object in the sky. Henry was right. There was no one manning the hot air balloon. Weird, I thought, must have gotten loose. There hadn't been much wind that morning, but if whoever the balloon belonged to hadn't tied it down properly, it could have drifted off on its own. Out of curiosity, I grabbed my keys, buckled my son in the backseat of the truck, took off after it. The balloon ran out of fuel and landed on the outskirts of my field, where I finally caught up to it. Caleb was already there, sitting on his four-willer and scrutinizing it with a perplexed expression on his face. Morning, Grace.

He said. looking away from the object as the envelope slowly lost its circular shape and fanned to the ground like curtains in the breeze. Daddy, Caleb, any idea what the straggler's doing here? I opened the back door to let Henry out. My excitable son jumped out of the truck and bolted towards a hot air balloon. Thankfully, Caleb grabbed him by the shoulders and held him back. No, son!

It's not safe! Might catch fire, best to keep your distance. He told Henry, his gaze then fell on me. Hmm. Not sure. I reckon it's a runaway tourist attraction from a few towns over. He rubbed his bushy chin. Yeah, that's probably it.

Henry squirmed in Caleb's firm grip. Mom, I want to go look. The last of the fabric fell and draped over a patch of soil. Should be safe now. Said Caleb jerking his head towards my son. I nodded back. He let Henry go. My boy squealed and ran towards the basket.

E! Careful not to touch the burner, honey. It's still hot. I called out hands on my hips. Caleb followed him at a much slower pace. It's quiet this morning. Did you notice? I shook my head.

It's never quiet with Henry around. I picked up the pace as Henry pulled himself aboard. Though I knew it wasn't possible, small part of me was afraid the balloon would inflate and my son would float off into the sky. Never to be seen or her. heard from again. Just one of the many ridiculous automatic thoughts you get when you're a parent. Everything has the potential

to be dangerous, even when it's not. Thankfully, the hot air balloon stayed right where it was, and Henry ran around in the basket like it was the best toy'd ever seen. Oh, now don't break anything, Henry. I said, leaning over the side of the basket. Caleb knelt down, lifted the fabric, and inspected it curiously.

Everything looks intact. Best not leave it out here, though. Help me put in the back of the truck. I'll store in the barn until its owner shows up. It probably cost a pretty penny. Someone was bound to come claim it sooner or later. Maybe I'd convince them to take us up for a ride as a thank you.

I shoot Henry out of the basket and told him to go sit in the truck while Caleb and I and hooked the fabric, rolled it, tossed it in the back. We then grabbed the basket and hoisted it up. Shit. I whispered straining to lift it. Heavier that looks. Beads of sweat rolling down Caleb's face. probably because of the burner.

I nodded. It wasn't easy, but we managed to force it into the truck. Caleb helped me tie it down while Henry watched eagerly from the backseat. Phew. Mumbled, wiping my brow. I was definitely having second thoughts about bringing it into the barn. Maybe I just throw a tarp on it once I got home and call it a day. Caleb wiped his hands on his jeans.

My best be hid back. The wife would want to know what all the excitement was about. He opted on his four-wheeled. and gave me a wave. Thanks, Caleb. Y'all take care. We both took off in opposite directions.

Henry watched as Caleb disappeared on the horizon and then stared at our rows of corn the rest of the way home. As we pulled into the driveway, Henry said, Mr. Scarecrow

doing a good job today. All right, nope. Nope. All right, Henry, you're going in that balloon. I'm going to light it myself. That's exactly. That's like the thing

in like the Babadook. I would beat that kid with a fucking hammer. You know what I mean? Good Lord. Mr. Scarecrow. Mr. Scarecrow is doing a good job today. What?

Just the idea of like a kid says one freaky thing and you're like just the most brutal way to murder someone. I would do. Oh, yeah? I mean, Mr. Mr. Bobadook's scary. You know what else is scary? Mr. Phillips.

Yeah, you what's also scary? My fucking ballpin hammer. My DeWalt ballpin hammer. Mr. Scarecrow is doing a good job today. What? What? He pointed to the field Look

I followed his gaze to the scarecrow For the first time in years There were no crows calling around it Or anywhere else on the property Stupid thing never worked before Don't know why it was working now I'll be damned Caleb was right

Without the incessant bird calls And with most of the animals still asleep It was rather quiet out So quiet in fact That I could hear a low atmospheric hum droning out in the background the kind of sound you only notice when everything else goes away

it's neither peaceful nor annoying it was just a constant low sound easily drowned out by my son's babbling I'm calling aliens I'm calling aliens I'm betting aliens what do you think very nope to me yeah yeah like the way that

the balloons like just a vessel for like some or it is some alien yeah I almost thought that like if it was a UFO someone got picked up while they're in the hot air balloon yeah oh yeah that's actually that's I don't I didn't even think about that. That's a great idea.

That's crazy. They're like, we! They're ballooned and all of a sudden they're like, oh, ha! And they just get sucked out. Like, and he pulled up a tractor, babe. Ha, ha! Yeah, it just sucked out of it.

Spencer, our farm hand, arrived late that morning. I was already washing the dishes from breakfast when I saw him driving up the road. He had a bad habit of being tardy, so I wasn't exactly surprised when he came running through the door, huffing, puffing, and apologizing.

sorry ma'am this is the last time i swear i stared at him unimpressed did you hear what happened the hot air balloon yeah i was there and i still managed to get make it back here on time to feed the livestock he lowered his head in shame sorry ma'am it's fine just get to work all right he nodded just as he was about to step out the door however you heard a booming noise off in the distance. What in the tornadoes with that? Yeah, sparing out towards the field. Transformer exploded. Too loud for that. I know, I know she met Transformer like a power transformer, but yes.

Must be Optimus Prime. I guess they're go box. Like star screams like exploding over the field. Exactly. I'm going to kill you. Farmer exploded, must be. I guess it's Megatron and Optimus Prime fighting out the cornfield again. Do you mean that the go-box and the

Decepticons are fighting again? There, me, is? That's right, Spencer. They have to do this battle in order to obtain the cube. What's the name of that cube in those movies? The All-Spark. They're trying to

fight for the All-Spark, man. Well, I guess that maybe they're trying to go out and find the all spark that are hitting the well out back. But be sure and throw a tarp over it, Spencer. It's going to be a long night. Yes, ma'am.

We still just the idea of like these two rednecks. There's like 30 foot tall robots like rolling. Yep. Shooting guns is that. Like, straight bullets are hitting the house every now and then.

Henry's just like, I can't believe what I'm saying out there, mom. This is going on and they're used to it. That's like, a hot air balloon. Oh my God, the hard air balloon. I've never seen that before. That's incredible.

Their tractors like transforming into like a sentient robot. It's getting like fucking murdered. Oh God. Optimus! Help me, please. Go with Christ, tractor. You're not going to make it this time.

The hot air balloon turns into a transformer. They're like, oh. Just another one of those. Yeah. Boring. I'm bored. We stepped onto the porch and scanned the area until we spotted a whisper of smoke in the distance. Looks like it's coming from the Burns Field.

probably just their tractor. Mr. Burns is in meaning to replace the old thing for years now. Guess the engine finally gave out. I replied and shoved him lightly. Come on. Enough procrastinating. You've got work to do. She was cracking a whip on this guy.

I know. God damn, dude. Why don't you fucking give us some time, man. Let him breathe. The fields are on fire and something exploded and you're like, are you procrastinating? Get to work.

Hey, fucking idiot. Corn. Sorry about that, ma'am. His eyes stayed locked on the small column of smoke for a moment, but he eventually nodded. Right. Sorry, ma'am. While Spencer was doing hard labor outside and Henry was watching cartoons in the other room, I got to work pickling vegetables for storage.

He was nearing lunch when Spencer finally showed up again. It was covered in dirt. Took care of the cattle and everything, ma'am. Good work, Spence. I'll have lunch ready in a minute. You mind doing one last? thing. There's a tarp in the barn.

Be or deer and go get it for me. Sure, ma'am. Where exactly? In the storage loft, I can't miss it. I'll be back at a minute. I watched him walking into the barn while I tended to the hash rounds. Then I waited.

Waited for a couple of minutes. Then five. Then ten. What hell is taking so long? I pace back and forth. Irritated. His car was still in

the driveway, so I knew he hadn't slipped a way to go flirt with some girl in town. With a grunt, I stomped into the barn, expecting to see him lounging about. I spared to chastise him for his laziness. Spence! I asked angrily as the door swung open. The ladder was propped against the wooden loft, the tarp at its feet. Grab the top and peered up trying to find Spencer. Spence, where are you playing at?

No answer. Spence, lunch is ready. Get down from there. Still nothing. Not even a single creek from the wooden planks. All I could hear was the quiet hum from earlier. This time, slightly louder. If Spencer was up there, he was being perfectly still and quiet, two things he wasn't too good at. Tarp wedged under my arm, I grabbed the ladder and began climbing the rungs. I was about halfway up when I heard Henry calling. Mom, I'm hungry! Well, I had what I needed. I had this.

Tamp. Spencer could play his stupid games all he wanted. Man, she has Spencer could play his stupid games for all he wanted, for all I care. Spencer, no, all you can, if you want to jack off in the loft of the bar and that's fine, but no food for you later. Uh-oh. I'll have to beating his

big old donkey dick. All right, well, see what I mean. You have to go too far. Like, I'm talking about like, oh, she's so mean to this guy. Do you always take it to some? That means she's like, she's like, she's making it feel like a freak show. Some proclivity, some horrendous. like it's something.

Out there, sucking his lips. See? Licking his lips and beating his big old. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

Tap out. Tap out. Tap out. Tap out. Tap out. Okay. Well, I had what I needed. I had the tarp.

Spencer could play a stupid games all he wanted for all I cared. I slid back down and went back inside to serve lunch. Where's Spencer? He's trying to brand new diet of cold eggs and ham. Ew. He's trying to brand new diet of beating his cock off. Oh. We weren't there.

The story wasn't there. Our bit wasn't there. You just accelerated. Maybe if the bit ran its course for like another like two sentences that would have got there. But you are flooring it to get to the rancid. You're going to be just like it when you're older. You're a monster. You're a pig.

See what I mean? Now you're talking about her speaking to her son with that tone of the voice. Spence his out back spitting his hand. He calls it Amish lotion. All right. All I had it was a bag of peanut M&M instead of Coca-Cola. I think he'll be just fine. Yeah, he asked for a couple of jolly ranchers.

Oh, God. Did you give him the jolly ranchers? Why you got to do Spence like that, bro? Spence is not these hard words. I like Spencer. Oh, gosh. We finished eating with no sign of Spencer. I was starting to get a little worried.

He wasn't the most reliable guy. He'd often come in late and cut out early, but he'd never run off of me in the middle of the day. And he'd certainly never leave his car behind. I figured I'd go look for him once I was done with the dishes. Henry was playing with his toys and I was drowned off the last of the pots and pants. I probably never would have noticed it

if the sun wasn't shining at just the right angle, sending a beam of light from floor to ceiling. Dust particles. They were dancing through the room's air currents. However, about a foot below the ceiling, there was a visible decrease in the density. I watched his little flake swam up and disappeared beyond the invisible border. Weird, I thought, squinting at the empty space. There was something about it that made me feel unnerved.

It's like I knew something was wrong, but it couldn't quite put my finger on what? I looked outside, not a bird inside. for miles. I thought of the hot air balloon and how empty it had been. Thought about Spencer up in the bars loft. Oh!

Oh, that's cool. A bumblebee buzzed by the window. Flew up beyond the intangible line and disappeared. One second it was there. The next, it was just gone. I'm gonna get my trucks. Squeat Tinry as he ran towards the stairs.

I grabbed him so quickly that he nearly fell. Don't go upstairs. I warned my voice a mix of stern conviction and cackling terror. I gulped down a nod of apprehension. My eyes were locked on the immaculate separation between the dusty and nearly dustless air. In that moment, I can only think of one thing. Something I heard on TV. Dust is mainly comprised of dead skin cells. My blood rang cold. I could see it moving. The separation, I mean, slowly, like the motion of the sun setting on the horizon. It was subtle, but it was definitely moving down. That's when I realized that humming sound from this morning was getting even louder.

We need to get to lower ground, I thought. I wasn't even sure what was going on, but I knew that something bad would happen if we were caught under the unseen ceiling slowly dropping on us. We lived on a plateau surrounded by mountains, the lowest point for miles. There was no lower ground except for the cellar. Duck in my head, I grabbed Tendry's arms, pulled him towards the door. Mom, what are you doing? He whined, tugging back.

I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say. I closed the door tightly, unsure whether or not it would help keep it, whatever it was out. The mere possibility that it might help was enough to bring me some form of comfort. With my free hand, I nabbed the flashlight I kept on the top step. and climbed down with my son. It was cold downstairs, perfect for storage. I had shelves with jars full of pickled vegetables,

homemade jams, and sealed meats lining every wall. The concrete room wasn't very inviting to a seven-year-old, so Henry usually stayed out unless I asked him to fetch me something. I let out a sigh of relief and took a seat on the bottom of the wooden staircase. I could hear frogs and crickets chirping happily outside. Mom? I didn't answer. Instead, I went over the facts in my mind.

Was I exaggerating? What had compelled me to run and hide? An empty hot air balloon? A missing farm hand? Mom! What, Henry? He bounced around from foot to foot. What's going on?

There's... I paused, thinking it over. What was I supposed to tell the kid? I didn't even know what was happening. My eyebrows came together. There's bad air up there. like a fart Yeah

Something like that I hung my head And hid my face behind my hands I was being stupid At least that's what I thought Until the croaks came to a sudden stop So all the bullfrogs in the creek outback were suddenly holding their breath

I found myself holding mine Waiting for the sound to come back But all I heard were the crickets Ten minutes later The crickets went silent The void from the hush that fell over the room couldn't even be filled by the pitter-patter of Henry's feet as he rain in circles poured out of his mind.

This is great, by the way. This is such a cool. The idea of like, you can imagine where the level is because the frogs go first and then the crickets, right? Oh, man. My fear only increased as I spotted the jars of meat sitting on the top shelf of the rack in the corner. They were empty.

I pointed the flashlight up and looked at the, the dust particles in its ray, they were disappearing about two feet from the ceiling, just like they had upstairs. And, just like upstairs, the invisible divide was getting lower. That low hum following suit. All I could do was watch as, over the course of an hour, the separation came closer and closer to my son and I, until it became clear that I couldn't sit on the stairs anymore. I pulled Henry into my lap and sat on the cold concrete floor, shaking as I watched the invisible ceiling falling on us. From time to time, I had to jiggle the flashlight to get it working again.

I rocked to my son gently, praying whatever was falling on us would stop and pull back, praying Henry would go rogue on me and run out of my grasp. As it came closer, I lay down and told my son to do the same. We had to stay as low to the ground as possible. Don't move, honey. Mom, what are we doing? Playing dead, honey. If you do good, we'll bake you your favorite cake.

But you've got to be perfectly still, all right? Okay. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it hurt when it happened? Will we disappear like the people in the hot air balloon? Could we somehow be saved? I held my hand against Henry's chest, pinning him down like a seatbelt. I could feel him shivering against the cold stone floor.

I was terrified he'd squirm and disappear forever. Should have brought a blanket, I thought. No, the blankets were on the second floor. Second floor hadn't been safe. There was a rock digging into my thigh, but I couldn't risk moving. The threshold was closing in on us, making me feel claustrophobic in the wide-open room. I dropped the flashlight, closed my eyes tightly, and held my breath for as long as I could. I waited, listening to the droning hum getting louder and louder like a bug circling my ear.

I could feel Henry's body heat radiating from his chest. As long as I felt the warmth on my arm, I knew my boy was okay. Even if I disappeared, at least he'd be lower to the ground. Low enough to be safe, I hoped. We must have been there for at least an hour, maybe two, before the sound became more distant. Henry had somehow fallen asleep despite the displeasing conditions. Opened my eyes, finally gathering enough courage to reach for the flashlight.

I flicked it on and carefully aimed it at the ceiling. The dust wasn't back, but I couldn't see a divide anymore. Either we'd been engulfed or the phenomena had passed. I was afraid to move at first, but I finally raised my arm. Nothing happened. I sat up, still nothing. I let out a sigh of relief. We'd been spared.

Somehow, by some miracle, we'd been spared. When the hum completely faded, I cautiously climbed up the stairs, keeping my head low. I opened the door and looked around. Sound was gone. The invisible divide gone with it. It was over. After waking Henry and warming him up, I headed out to the barn. It was empty.

No birds, no livestock, not even a single fly buzzing around the cow manure. Every single animal on my farm had gone missing. We got in the truck and headed towards town. As we passed the Burns farm, I saw their crop duster crash to pieces in the field. This had been the explosion Spencer and I heard earlier. I stopped to check, but the plan was empty. I knocked on the Burns store but received no answer. I drove to Caleb's farm and tried them.

No answer. I drove to town, there was no one. not a single living being not even a damn squirrel I don't know exactly what happened but I'm afraid it's about to happen again I can hear that hum in the distance as much as I want to get out of here

I can't take the risk I mean the only path out of here is through the mountains and I don't fancy going anywhere too high right now I'm going to try my luck and hide in the cellar again if you don't hear from me it means we weren't lucky enough to be spared twice what a cool idea man yeah that was so creative the strongest story we read that was awesome just like that's just such a creative idea of like there is a visible line that anything like biological

even meat jars of meat that go in its threshold just disappear it's almost like a rapture story right like everyone disappeared all at once it's like any like not living organism because the corn is probably still there but it's like anything that's like life or something like like by a lot animal. Any animal cells. Anything with meat. Yeah. Just gone.

And like the explosion mentioned earlier and it's like the plane crashing and it all started with the hot air balloon. Like what a fun take. Or like the visual of Spencer walking up a ladder and disappearing. That's so cool. Yeah. I think, I don't know.

I still feel like it's like a fun tale. Like I almost still read it as like an alien thing or something. The humming. I definitely think it is. A flying saucer that's coming through and it's like a new like an interesting way of like a tractor beam. It's almost like, like you could imagine aliens have come to Earth and they've put like a film around the planet. Yeah.

And it's like, it's just like killing any life that it can catch in like this field. So they're just doing sweeps over and over. What a cool. This was awesome. That was really cool. Yeah, it all started with a hot air balloon. That was by far the funest thing we read today. A lot of fun.

I like, I like everything we read, but I think that that one was just a really fun take on aliens. Because it's such an inventive thing. threat, and like that part where she's laying down, I was thinking to myself, like, would it hurt? Would you disappear all at once? Does part of you have to touch it? You have to completely disappear? Like, it's just such a, it's so unique, such unique concept and it was delivered so well. Yeah. It's very, because like, what do you do? You just hope that the, you're just a hopeless thing of, yeah, you're just kind of waiting. It's like a, you introduce this time element to the, to the threat, which makes it feel even more, you know, crazy of, uh, you know,

it starts so high and yet it's just as the day's gone on it's just progressively gotten lower and you could like very very fun you could do so many scenarios with that setting because that's like a new setting to me it's like oh maybe you had a group who was like out deep sea diving and they come up and everyone's gone or you've got like someone who's like in a swimming pool and they have to decide between drowning or like falling into it and so like there's just this is a very fun scenario that was awesome I liked everything but I agree with you I think the hot air balloon was the strongest I think yeah but they were all by far. They were all good.

All really fun, but I'm really glad we at least read the hot air balloon one as well. I'd like to cap to put a period on this episode,

which we are at that period, my friend. So thank you all so much for watching. If you haven't considered it, consider checking out the Spotify and the Apple podcast, giving us a nice rating there.

It really does help us out and we appreciate it. And as always, guys, we thank you so much for listening and supporting the show. It means the fucking world. We will catch you

in the next scary episode. We will see you in the next one. and also to everyone, check out Manon Lysit on Twitter and Facebook. And of course, check out their subreddit user slash Manon Lyset where, uh, or not their subreddit, their Reddit account where they post all these stories on No Sleep. Fantastic author. And they make really cool little Halloween design.

So be sure to pick some up if you're interested. And thank you, Manon, for making really cool stories. That last one especially was awesome. I loved it. Thank you all so much for watching. It means the world. We will catch you in the next one. Bye.

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