Creepy - Bonnie the Beaver Goes To Church

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

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Creepy Presents Bonnie the Beaver goes to church. Written by Ryan Peacock. I grew up in a very, very Christian household. My parents were die-hard Bible thumpers, and they still are to this day. You know how most kids grew up with Disney and Dreamworks? Yeah, I got none of that. The TV was for worship only, and most of the time,

it was tuned to some local channel that broadcast and rebroadcast sermons from the local megachurch. The few times I was allowed to use it for anything other than watching sermons, and I got my pick of some of those old Christian animated movies. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Small budget, poorly made crap that exists just to regurgitate the same watered-down Christian morals to impressionable kids. Some of it at least tries to rip off a more credible movie, like Finding Jesus as opposed to Finding Nemo. Others just recap Bible stories like Joshua in the Promised Land. You won't find many that try to be original, and those that are usually the worst offenders.

Christian animations developed an infamous reputation in recent years. In no small part thanks to internet content creators dredging it up from the obscure depths to point and laugh. I'm not looking to offend anyone when I say this, but some of it probably deserves to be mocked. Look, I get that most of it was someone's passion project to bring Jesus to the youth of America by riding the coattails of veggie tales, but it all feels so incredibly shallow and disingenuous, on top of generally looking like absolute garbage. I've mostly stepped away from religion, so maybe I'm a harsher critic of it than most.

But anyone who says they're doing God's work by making a kid's cartoon, and not spending that time and money actually trying to find ways to help those in need, seriously, has their priorities skewed? If YouTubers want to crucify those movies for content these days, that's fine by me. Honestly, it's one part nostalgic and one part cathartic to watch someone rip them apart. I won't name all the classics. You can find most of them on YouTube, and there's nothing I can say that others haven't already. But if a YouTuber is picked it apart, I probably own a copy as a child. Well, I'll accept one. See, there's one film I've never seen anybody cover. It's called Bonnie the Beaver Goes to Church. Out of all the bad Christian movies I've seen, it's the only one that

legitimately gave me nightmares as a kid. So, I guess since nobody else is talking about it, I decided to do it myself. Why not? Right? Bonnie the Beaver Goes to Church was released in March of 2006. It was the first and only feature-length film released by Trinity Pictures Animation. The film was released with little fanfare directly to DVD and was not distributed by any major retail chains, mostly being found in the bargain bin of independently owned dollar stores, convenience stores, and Christian bookstores, amongst other places.

As a result, it's extremely rare to come across a copy of the film today, and it's estimated that fewer than 500 copies were ever made. The blurb on the back promises kids, a lesson in the importance of maintaining your relationship with God that the whole family can enjoy. And the art cover depicted the titular Bonnie the beaver in her yellow shirt and purple skirt, standing before a crudely animated church and waving at the viewer.

I couldn't tell you where to get your hands on a copy today. The only reason I have one is because I swiped it the last time I visited my parents. It was still nestled in with their modest DVD collection, almost entirely forgotten about, and I doubted they'd miss it. Then, when I got home, I popped it into my laptop and gave it another watch to see how well I remembered it. It was... Well, it was just as bad, if not worse, than I remembered. On the surface, the film has all the hallmarks of similar independent Christian animated films of the time.

The animation is notoriously poor, with most characters moving in a stiff and robotic manner. The eyes never seem to move or blink, and the movements of the character's mouths don't sync up with their dialogue most of the time. The voice acting was done by inexperienced actors and at several points in the film outside noise is picked up by the recordings. At one point early in the film a lawnmower can be heard in the background every time Bonnie's father speaks

having been picked up by the voice actor's microphone. The film also doesn't have much of a plot and is fairly short, with a runtime just shy of 60 minutes. Well, little plot there is, goes as follows. The film opens with an unimpressive panning shot of an empty neighborhood filled with colorful blocky houses. An upbeat soundtrack plays as the title fades into view before fading out. No actors are credited, and the camera zooms towards Bonnie the beaver's window to find her asleep in her bed.

Her mother, a grossly fat and malform-looking thing, enters her room. The bedroom door opens silently, and her bedroom. mother's legs do not appear to be moving. She tells Bonnie to wake up because it's time for church. I'll warn you up front. The dialogue in this movie is just about as stiff as it gets. Naturally, Bonnie complains that she doesn't want to go to church, and then her dad comes in and tells her that they have to go to church.

Unsurprisingly, this dialogue is incredibly stiff and poorly written. The audio quality for each voice actor is different, making clear that all the lines were recorded in different rooms. There's also very little inflection or change in the parents' voice actress' tones. However, Bonnie herself is nearly unintelligible. Her voice actress is clearly a very young child of about three or four with no prior acting experience. It can be difficult to make out what she's saying at times.

The poor audio quality does not help the situation. The parents told Bonnie, to get dressed before gliding backwards out of her room, and Bonnie rises up from her bed fully clothed. The next few minutes of the film are uneventful, with Bonnie watching her parents get ready for church. All this really amounts to is her father giving her a lengthy and somewhat rambling speech about how important it is to have a relationship with God, so that one may enter heaven.

Incidentally, this is about where one could hear the lawnmore in the background of his dialogue. Eventually they leave the house and walk down an empty street. They pass a park that consists of a large green hill with a single tree and three characters underneath it. Bradley the Bull, Marty the Mouse, and Ronnie the Rhino. It's somewhat clear at a glance what Bradley and Marty are. Bradley has large horns similar to that of a bull and Marty has mouse ears. Ronnie, on the other hand, has no rhino features aside from being gray. one wouldn't actually know she was meant to be a rhino unless he read the back of the box

she just appears to be nothing more than a gray little girl in an ugly red and white polka-out dress as Bonnie passes the field with the tree her three friends run up to the white picket fence separating them and ask her if she wants to join them outside to play bonley sadly tells them that she can't because she has to go to church and is dragged away by her parents looking just about as dejected as a poorly animated cartoon beaver can look. In the next scene, they arrive at the church and are seated in a pew, but Bonnie still looks unhappy. She looks around and then whispers to her mother that she has to go to the bathroom.

So, of course, her mother lets her go and Bonnie's next scene jogging out of the church and snickering to herself. The sound of snickering is achieved by having the actress laugh as loudly and aggressively as possible for approximately 30 seconds of screen time. After this, Bonnie goes back to the park to meet her friends and they start talking about games to play. This is where the film introduces Peter Blanc. While Bonnie and her friends are talking, they're interrupted by a voice off-screen saying, I know some fun games we can play. The four of them look and standing underneath the tree is a man. Not an anthropomorphic animal, a man who quickly introduces himself as Peter Blanc. Compared to the other characters in the film, Peter both looks and sounds dressed.

He's a tall man dressed in a white button-down shirt and white pants. His hair is brown and his facial features are a lot more defined, especially the eyes, the lips, and the teeth. Like the other characters, he does not blink. But his eyes still clearly seem to move and have more detail to them than the eyes of the other characters. There are clear pupils and irises and even cuticles. Peter is also the only other character besides Bonnie and her

family to have teeth, although unlike the distinctive beaver buck teeth they all display, he has a complete set of human teeth. He's not animated any better than the other characters, but his character model clearly looks somewhat more competently made than the others. His movements are still slow and robotic, but unlike with most of the other characters, it almost feels deliberate. Then there's the matter of his voice. He speaks in a low, slow voice, and there's very little distortion or background noise with his dialogue. His delivery is consistently monotone, and that gives an even more eerie feeling. Even the way he introduces himself, I am Peter Blanc. He says it in a way that's almost spaced out and dreamlike. What could almost swear there was something

sort of reverb or vocal effect. But if there is, it's remarkably subtle for such a low-budget film. Anyway, Peter continues on by telling the kids, I know a place with fun games to play. If you are interested. And as expected, they are. Peter then moves slightly to show them a house just behind him and moves his arms as if to welcome them inside.

The house looks more or less the same as the other blocky half finished houses in the movie, but has a bright red color to it that stands out even amongst the other houses. The windows on the front are also all black, whereas the windows on the other houses are yellow. This is probably to make it look abandoned and empty compared to the others. Well, of course, the kids are just thrilled to go playing an abandoned house with a strange man, and they all go in. Bonnie seems to hesitate, but Bradley the Bull keeps calling her chicken until she does. The camera shows her walking in from the front of the house and the door closes behind her. You might expect the inside of the house to at least be creepy,

but it just looks like a gray version of Bonnie's house. Peter Blanc is standing in the middle of it and he asks the children what kinds of games they like to play. Marty the Mouse says he wants to play an adventure game to prove that he's the bravest. And Peter suggests that they do something of an endurance test. He shows him this closet and tells him that it's very dark and spooky inside. Well, his actual words are, This is a dark and dreadful place. The bravest would last the longest inside,

before fear took hold of their trembling heart. Wouldn't you agree, children? The way he says children sent a child. chill through me all those years ago, and it still does now. Bradley the Bull wants to go in first to prove that he's braver than Marty. So he does. Last a few seconds, then runs out screaming. Ronnie the Rhino goes next, but it doesn't last much longer.

Bonnie refuses to go at all because she's too scared. The whole scene plays out pretty typically and isn't all that interesting up until Marty goes. He teases the others for not being brave enough to handle. the closet and he goes inside and closes the door behind him. The camera then shifts to focus on Peter's face and his unblinking eyes. It stays there for about three minutes. And as it does, you start to hear some noises. First, it's like someone's walking around.

I had to pause the movie at this point to make sure that one of my neighbors wasn't making that noise. It was definitely from the movie. After the first minute, you can hear someone trying to open the door. then you can hear Marty the mouse's voice. But the voice doesn't sound quite right. He's speaking, but it's muffled. It doesn't really sound like he's doing the bad little kid voice he was doing from Marty earlier. You can actually hear him pounding on the door and starting to scream.

Pounding more and more frantically to be let out. But Peter and the other characters just stand there. After a few minutes, the screaming stops. Peter starts staring at the door, but he doesn't say anything for a while. When he does, it's got nothing to do with Marty. He just asks, You like to have a snack with me? Bradley, the Bull, says yes, and he and Ronnie go off with Peter.

Bonnie's the only one that doesn't. She just keeps staring at the door Marty went into with this blank expression on her face. I think the animators were trying to make it seem like she's, knew something wasn't right. It's hard to say. Eventually, though, she goes and follows the others. The next scene shows Peter at a large table filled with shapes that I assume are meant to be food.

They're on textured things that look kind of like roast chicken, grapes, corn, and various things in bowls. But none of the characters actually touch any of them. Peter is instead seen opening a bottle of wine and asking the others if they'd like a drink. Bradley and Ronnie say yes Bonnie doesn't but gets wine anyways Bradley drinks wine first and asks what they're going to eat

as if there isn't a whole banquet on the table anyways Peter just says Any volunteers He then picks up a knife and it seems to be cutting into something Although we aren't immediately shown what You don't hear the screaming at first It fades in slowly but when it does, you can hear that it's a man.

The camera pans out to show that Peter's placed Bradley down onto the table and is sawing into him with the knife. The effect isn't all that gory. There is blood all over the table, but it just looks like spots of red Play-Doh were pressed onto the table. It's the screaming that really got me, though. Just like with Marty the Mouse, not even five minutes ago, Bradley's screaming as if he's actually being hurt.

You can hear the voice actor trying to speak, and you can hear him actually crying. At one point, he clearly says, Why are you doing this? And... I don't want to die. And, well, it sounds awfully convincing. Bradley and Ronnie both watches Bradley's taken apart, slice by slice,

screaming and crying the whole time. Peter even sets a stake of Bradley in front of both of the girls and says to them, Bon Appetit, my friends. Please eat while it is fresh. Despite literally having just watched her friend get carved into pieces, Ronnie begins to eat, but Bonnie doesn't. She just stares at Bradley with the same awkward silence as before as he screams and screams. It holds on that for a minute or so,

until Bradley's screams abruptly cut out and there's nothing but silence. Then after a while, Ronnie asks, Is there a place to sleep? I'm tired. And Peter tells her that there is. It's worth noting that there is clearly meant to. to be blood around Ronnie's mouth and down the front of her dress. Just like on the table, it looks like Red Play-Dose, the effect doesn't come across as that gory, but the intention is still there, and it's somewhat more effectively sickening on her.

Peter takes her by the hand, then offers a hand to Bonnie as well. She takes it as he leads him away to a place where there are two beds side by side. One for Bonnie, the other for Ronnie. He tucks him both in before bidding them good night and leaving. Bonnie closes her eyes to sleep, and while they're closed, you can see an orange glow appear near her face. Her eyes open and she's greeted with what looks like a realistic fire in her room. The fire's already spread far enough to contain Ronnie's bed, and Bonnie stares into it as you see a blackened shape resembling her friends standing inside of it.

Just like with her other two friends, You can hear screaming fade in slowly, easily, the most chilling of the three. It sounds as if the actress is really burning alive. There are no words. Just sheer blood-curdling shrieks of agony. But the most disturbing part is that even though it's clearly Ronnie the rhino standing in the flames, she doesn't move. She doesn't thrash or run.

she just stands stock still as she burns. Those haunting screams not matching the unsettling stoicism of her character. Bonnie runs for the door and steps outside. It's hard to make sense of exactly what happens next on account of the movie's poor quality. But as far as I can tell, Bonnie goes out the front door of the gray house and finds herself back inside, as if she'd just walked in. Only now there's no fire, and Peter Blanc, is still standing there, looking at her with those unblinking eyes of his. She finally asks him, Why are you doing this? And Peter responds with,

Because you have abandoned God. He has abandoned you. As he speaks, you can see the places where Bradley, Marty, and Ronnie meet their fates. The closet door is shaking from where Marty is pounding on it. You can still hear his desperate cries. Bradley's lying on a table, cut in half and hyperventilating, and Ronnie's just standing there, just like she was before, burning alive and screaming. Their screams melding to one horrible sound. As you see Peter standing in front of them, and above the sound of their screams, you can hear his voice as he says, This is where the abandoned go. It's at this point that Bonnie wakes up in her own bed. just like she did at the start of the movie.

Her mother comes in, just like before, and tells her that it's time to go to church. Only this time, Bonnie doesn't complain. The final scene of the movie shows Bonnie and her family going to church again. Just like before, she sees her friends playing in the park. But this time, they're not alone. Peter Blanc is there with them,

and they're all gathering around him. He looks at Bonnie, and you can hear his voice, as he said, You cannot save them. Then just like that, he and her friends turn to leave. Bonnie does the same, going to church with her parents. And then the credits roll, with the same upbeat music the movie started with. When I was a kid, this movie gave me nightmares. I think it's pretty obvious. Why?

I used to dream about Peter Blanc, standing in my room. with the blood-curdling sounds of screaming, echoing in the distance. In my dreams, he always asked me, Are you abandoned? And I'd wake up screaming that I hadn't turned my back on God. Some nights I still find myself checking the corners of the room when I wake up just to make sure that I really am awake and then nothing's there. Re-watching the movie got me thinking about just where it came from, though.

What kind of person thought any of this was a problem? appropriate for a children's movie. So I did my research. I looked for answers. Whatever answers there were to find out there at least. There isn't a lot of information on Trinity Pictures Animation. I found a defunct website on an internet archiver that gave some information. But most of it was just semi-informative filler meant to reassure curious parents that they were trusting a man of the true Christian faith to traumatize their children.

children. Despite the fancy name, Trinity Pictures animation really boiled down to just one man. Troy Redman. A resident of Amber, Texas, who'd spent six years trying to turn his dreams into a reality. He'd allegedly written and animated Bonnie the Beaver goes to church all by himself, not hard to believe, considering the quality, and based it off both his own religious upbringing and some dreams he'd had as a child that contributed to his own steadfast faith. In his own words on the website, I wanted to bring the same things that cemented my belief in God to other children. I feel like this is the foundation of all my success,

and it's a lesson I feel that I am called to share. I did a search for anything I could find on Troy Redmond to see if I could find out what he'd been up to in the years since he'd made Bonnie the Beaver. There wasn't much. The only thing I turned up was a news report about a suicide at a motel room outside of San Antonio, Texas in April of 2006, later identified as Troy Radman. The picture I found of the man in the article was the same one I found in the defunct site.

He killed himself not even a month after Bonnie the Beaver came out. I looked up the cast of the movie next. What I found on some of the other voice actors was, interesting and a little disturbing. When I looked up to people who'd voiced Bradley, Marty, and Ronnie, I didn't find any evidence that they'd ever worked on anything else during their lives. What I did find were a few news articles on each of them, all of them about how they died.

Mark Downing, who'd voiced Bradley, had been found stabbed to death in his home in June of 2012. 2004. Brian Tuma, who'd voice Marty, had disappeared in February of 2003, and his remains were later found in 2014. He'd been trapped in the basement of an abandoned building in a concrete room behind a locked steel door. It's believed that he'd eventually starve to death. Justina Maxwell, who voiced Ronnie, had passed away with her husband and two children in an arson case in 2003. She had been tied to her bed when the house had been set alight. No suspects were ever apprehended in any of these three cases.

They remain unsolved to this day. I couldn't find anything on the people who voiced Bonnie's parents. Their names were listed, but I couldn't find any evidence that they'd ever voice acted before or since. He made trying to contact them to ask them about the movie basically impossible, assuming they were even still alive. And as for Bonnie the Beaver herself, The girl credited was named Kelsey Cote. I found no information on her, but I can only hope that no news is good news.

Somehow, I can't help but doubt that, though. There was no voice actor credited for Peter Blanc, and my research into the movie didn't turn up any names. In fact, outside of the defunct website and some tragic articles that appear to be about the deaths of those involved, I couldn't find anything about Bonnie the Beaver goes to church. Out of desperation, I even posted on some forums, hoping that someone else might know something, but most people who responded hadn't heard of it. I only found one person who did,

and they only replied to one of my posts before blocking me. Don't ever talk about that movie again. But I have to talk about it, because I have to know what the truth behind Bonnie the Beaver goes to church is. I have to know because ever since I rewatched it. I've been having nightmares again. Nightmares where Peter Blanc stands in my room,

watching me with his unblinking eyes for what feels like hours on end until eventually he asks me the question I've been dreading. Are you abandoned? It's gotten to the point where some nights, I don't sleep at all. But even on those nights, I can still see him in the corner of my room. I can still hear his question. And I swear he's getting closer to me. I need to know that these are just dreams.

I need to know that Bonnie the Beaver goes to church is just a stupid, dark, ugly movie with a messed up history, trying to cash in on religion. Because if it's not for your bonus up. This episode, Creepy Presents, A Promise Made, written by Paul Casely and narrated by Jimmy Ferrer. We do things in hope that future generations won't have to. We make deals, we create situations. We give promises and hope that the lives of the people coming after us will improve. We hope that the whole of society will improve.

In some ways, it has worked, and in other ways not so much. We gave up a lot to carve out our own little dream. Most of all, we had to wait for society to catch up with us. In some cases, we're still waiting for society to catch up with us. When we first got together, it was impossible to get recognized as a couple that made it difficult for us to own a house. We had the money for it. Both of us had good jobs before we retired, but no one wanted to sell to a same-sex couple in those days.

To be fair, in those days they didn't call it a same-sex couple. The terms were a lot nastier than what you hear in polite company today. At any rate, it was hard to find someone willing to sell us or finance us, but eventually things worked out. The house we ended up with was nice to start with, and we poured a lot of money into it since then. Regularly renovated and updated two-story farmhouse, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Land surrounding us is actually forest. Person who originally built and farmed shuffled off the mortal coil about 200 years ago. The family wasn't interested in farming, and neither was hardly anyone else.

So nature retook the farmland, which I'm told wasn't so great anyway. After a few owners wanting their privacy came and went, Peyton and I, I'm ruined, by the way, moved in. The house has been ours ever since, and it's seen a lot of change. We weathered a lot together in this little house until 2005, when we were finally legally allowed to be married. We've been together in this house for 28 years and legally married, for 16. Some things change a lot over time, and some things don't. As I said before, we are pretty

much surrounded by forests and field, which in Canada means one thing, field parties. I'm not sure how it is in other countries. Maybe they get this too, but for a long time, an open field was an invitation for a bunch of high school-age kids to get together, get drunk, and generally act like assholes. For the most part, over 28 years, the drill has remained pretty much the same. If the music or whooping gets too loud, one of us walks out or tells them to keep it down, despite the fact that it is our property. It's just kids having fun. We were young once too. If they're not snoddy with us, that generally ends it. And if they are, the police are more than happy to raid a little party.

The next day, two of us go out and clean up afterwards. We've dealt with all kinds of kids when it comes to these parties. Some yell some of the most vile homophobic insults at us, but most don't. Most of the time, they've heard that we just want to be left alone and alter their behavior to allow just that so they can keep partying. I will be honest, though. In the last 10 years, there's been a huge change in overall attitude towards couples like us. For many youngsters, our sexuality has ceased to be an issue.

Many, not all. Yep, we've seen pretty much everything, or so we thought. We were cleaning up after one of the aforementioned parties one day. The clearing the kids used was a mess. We managed to put out the fire and picked up the sordid beer bottles and cans. Leftover garbage from food and they used condoms, the vape tubes or vials, or whatever the hell you call those things, the kids used to fuel their pretentious vape machines. When Peyton called out, hey Rowan, you need to come and have a look at this. That was never good. Never. It meant some new horror for us to deal with.

So I put the piece of garbage I was handling in the bag and started over to where he was. He had always wore gloves to clean up. In the beginning, it was kitchen rubber gloves. Now we had a box of disposable latex gloves in the garage just for the cleanup. No one wants to handle a used condom with their bare hands. What did they do this time? You find a crack bowl or something? No, Frigg, you really have to see it to believe it.

I walked over and gazed down in amazement. A pentagram had been burned in a room. into the grass. And at the tip of each point of the star was a candle, melted down to the ground. There also seemed to be a fair bit of blood sprinkled about it. I sighed and Peyton shook their head. They're lucky they didn't burn the forest down with those candles. I said feeling a bit of sickness.

I hate seeing kids get involved with this crowd. I understand Peyton, but it's pretty common. common for kids to play about with this sort of garbage, and it generally goes nowhere. I'm sure it's nothing. They nodded, and we made sure the areas around the candles were actually fully out, and we went back to cleaning up. If you think we're pretty blasé about the whole thing, you're probably right. But you have to see it from our point of view.

We were young during the satanic panic of the 1980s and 1990s, and it all turned out to be a load of crap. A lot of kids do read and toy around with this kind of shit. For the most part, it amounts to nothing, and no one gets hurt. Kids usually try a few spells, and they don't work. They give up and move on. I was a bit troubled by the sight of blood, but it was probably their own, and one of them cutting their palm or something. They had gathered it from a grocery store meat department.

There were no dead woodland curate. creatures or family pets around the area, so we doubted they had taken the life of anything or any one. In the end, it did look pretty harmless. We were a big concern that they might come back and try again some time. A lot of effort was put into what we were assuming was their first attempt. As a result, we resolved to keep a close eye on the revelry over the next little while, but for no other reason than to ensure they didn't burn the forest down. The next few nights passed pretty uneventfully. Besides a few kids having a couple beers in the clearing, not much happened.

We knew it was getting pretty close to winter, and when the snow started to accumulate the field, would fall out of use until next spring. No one liked trudging into the cold winter air to light a fire in the middle of nowhere. We also knew that we were approaching a lunar eclipse, a blood moon. Now, to be fair, we had no idea if these kids even knew it would be. an eclipse or whether or not they knew the relevance of a blood moon. If they did, however, it would be the perfect time for them to make their last try before packing it in for the winter.

We kind of hope that they would just give up after the failure they obviously experienced the first time, but who knew? If they were pragmatic, they might think the practice was what they needed. This time, someone might get hurt, although at least the possibility of the forest being burned down was greatly diminished by the autumn weather. The night of the lunar eclipse came, and Peyton and I got ready to keep watch. Our house is on a long, private drive far from the main road, as I said before, we like our privacy.

As a result, we alternated between using a pair of binoculars I had purchased for birdwatching some time ago. It was a long night. Finally, shortly after midnight, three cars pulled over at the side of the side of the side of the of the road, each containing three people. They started walking off the road and towards the clearing. I was watching at the time, so I nudged Peyton awake. What?

What's going on? Peyton groggily asked. They're here. Nine of them. Heading for the clearing came my direct and curt reply. Three times three? Yep, let's go and check on them. I looked over, but Peyton didn't move.

He just sat there thinking for a moment. Maybe we give them a few minutes to set up, you know, catch him in the act. I hoped that my eyes were boring holes in my spouse after they said that, knowing that it would be better to stop them immediately, but despite my obvious desire to end whatever, these kids were starting, I didn't move from the spot. I'm sure we gave them plenty of time to get things together. Finally, Peyton and I got up and started out to the clearing.

To this day, I will never understand why we didn't grab a bat or gold club or something to protect ourselves. Maybe we didn't figure these kids presented any kind of danger. We should have known better. We advanced on them fairly quickly and without trying to hide our approach. The one I figured was the leader of the intrepid little band would be Satanus walked over to meet us. What do you want? She asked snoddly and directly. I blinked and considered my options for a second.

There weren't many. You're on our property. We own this land. I'm going to have to ask you to move on or I'm going to call the police and tell them you're trespassing. Is that right? I think you'll let us keep doing it. doing what you're doing. In fact, I think you're going to be a lot of help to us."

She replied, and then broke into one of the most vile recitations of homophobic slurs I have ever heard in a long, long time. The distraction she served out was very effective, so effective in fact that it took me a few minutes to notice that Peyton had been elbowing me and speaking in my ear. Hey, hey, where are the rest of them? This was a question I wasn't expecting, and I certainly didn't welcome. A quick glance in front of us confirming that only six figures were easily in our line of sight was punctuated moments later by a rather strong and painful knock on the back of the head

before everything went black. I'm not sure how long I was out for. I don't know what transpired during that time. All I know is I woke to chanting. A fire, myself and my spouse, stripped of our clothing, and lashed to a post. Uh-huh. Was the only sound I managed to force out. I still breathed a sigh of relief when Peyton answered.

Rowan, are you all right? They whispered over the sound of the chanting. I think. Head hurts. But otherwise, yeah. Hey, can you hear what they're saying? Peyton listened for a moment and then responded. Yeah, most of its crappy Latin poorly pronounced.

But the name of who they're calling is pretty clear. Before Peyton could tell me, our discussion was interrupted by the girl who was leading this thing walking before us. She was devoid of the robes now, actually all of her clothing. And I would figure her maybe a 19-plus-year-old. She held a dagger up towards us, and it was everything I could do, not to laugh. It was pretty clear the handle's plastic. I guess that it was one of those cheap mass-produced things. Not much for effect, but to be fair, it could probably do a lot of damage.

Lord Oteus! Great Count of Hell! We call on you in your 36 legions! I have to admit, it was pretty hard to control my gasp of surprise. When I heard the name of who the girl was summoning, while I must have looked shocked and surprised, Peyton started to laugh. What? What are you laughing at? The girl asked.

Her attention broken for a moment. A look of shock and surprise appearing on her face as well. Oh, nothing, nothing. You carry on. Peyton said, as they tried to stifle their laughter just before I started to laugh, too. You understand you are to be offerings to odious. You will help us strike a deal with him at no cost to our own eternal souls. So you think that murdering two people as an offering to a demon won't have a cost to your eternal soul?

Really? Isn't it just about the deal? It's about the behavior, too, you know. I responded through laughter. Just shut up. This will work. And with that, she continued on. Her troop continued with their weird dancing.

Still bound, I looked over at Peyton. And they shrugged, and I fought to stifle more laughter. As the ritual continued, the dancing became more and more bizarre. and Latin became even worse. It was fairly obvious she was trying to read it phonetically off that page. Soon the clearing began to fill with what could only be described as a dense cloud of smoke that kept to the cliché smelled of sulfur. Walking out of the smoke was a figure of an impeccably dressed man,

looking to be in his early 40s, fairly handsome if you didn't factor in the three horns erupting from his fours. forehead and his rather large, sharp teeth. He glanced around the circle of the youths who had now stopped their insane dancing. Who was called on Odeus? Great Count of Hell, he commanded. We do. We bring you this offering.

The girl responded pointing at us. In response, Odeus started towards us. up short and peered in our faces. So, child, why do you think this is an acceptable offering to me? Odius asked a tinge of annoyance in his voice. They are unnatural sinners against all. They belong in the pit with you to secure our deal, she screamed. The demon lord, however, was having none of it and turned to the girl.

I can't even begin to tell you how bad your logic is. First, if they are sinners, I get them anyway. So who cares? Secondly, they actually aren't. Well, not for that anyway. Big guy upstairs doesn't really care. You get that, right. Love is love and all that stuff.

I mean, if they're going to hell for their lifestyles, you are too for wearing a poly-cotton blend. I mean they're both outlawed in that big book of laws in the Old Testament. Finally, you can't give them to me as an offering at any rate. The girl looked shocked and more than a little worried. But why not, Lord Odious, if they're not damn for their lifestyle and... You don't want them pre-dammed, then, don't they now make perfect offerings? Her reasoning was pretty good, really. You can't give them to me because I already owned them, you twit.

There's a small choice in rotten apples. Odeus bellowed. At that point, Peyton and I began to laugh again. What is it that you thought you were going to get from me any? Anyway, um, eternal youth for all of us? She answered, causing us to laugh even more hysterically. Did you do any research at all you play, sore? Demons have specific abilities and you call on the one you need to achieve your aims.

You lump a foul deformity. My domain is over the past, present, and future. and swaying the minds of human beings as a collective. Their deal made sense. They wanted the government in courts to give more rights for them and their fellows so they could buy this house and land as a couple. He stated before turning to us, but you never saw where that one would take you, did you? Sad thing is, you didn't have to sell your souls for that.

I mean, they were already well on their way. You just sped it up a few years. It was a logical thing. I know, I replied. Peyton and I had often talked about the poor deal we had make when it probably wasn't necessary. I know, I replied. Peyton and I had often talked about the poor deal we had made when it probably wasn't necessary. But even speeding things up a few years did have some bell.

you, we supposed. Odeus nodded. So, what in the many levels of hell am I going to do here? They're not yours to offer, and summoning me carries a price. Of course, there are nine of you, which is more than I usually require. Nice touch, by the way. Three times three. Cute.

So, I know. No. All nine souls are forfeit anyway, and I get to take them right away. How about we amend our deal, and I take them for payment instead? All your debts are paid. Seems only fair. I always felt kind of bad about taking you. I mean, some demons aren't completely heartless. Wait, you can't do that. Please don't let him, please, she screamed to us.

And admittedly, we probably would have told them to let them go. If she hadn't broke into those terrible homophobic slurs earlier, that is. I mean, in the end, isn't she in the eight other people who failed to stop her hatred? Well, aren't they going exactly where they belong? For even more from creepy, including how to submit your own story for consideration, please visit creepypod.com. You can also follow us at creepypod on social media and YouTube. All stories told on this podcast are used under license

and may not be rebroadcast or distributed without the express prior written consent of the story's author. Please contact us at Creepy. pod at gmail.com for further information on obtaining the rights necessary to rebroadcast or distribute a particular story.