Crime, Conspiracy, Cults and Murder - Ep. 131 | Interview With Attempted Murder Survivor Kenna Renee Harper

Episode Date: September 26, 2026

I sit down with Kenna Renee Harper to hear her incredible story of survival after her own mother tried to take her life. Kenna shares what she endured, how she rebuilt her life, and how she’s using her story to create purpose today. FIND KENNA ON: Instagram: @kennareneeharper TikTok: @kennareneeharper YouTube: kennareneeharperofficial  Facebook: kennareneeharper Website: https://unboundlegacyco.com "I’d especially love to highlight Unbound Legacy Co. It is an apparel company I created that merges purpose with apparel and promotes the idea of wearing your testimony and embracing the strength it takes to do so. Each design is created thoughtfully to promote hope for better days, the courage to find joy, and to spark conversations around the stories and testimonies we carry. My first collection is currently live in limited quantities, with more collections planned for the future. A portion of the proceeds also goes toward supporting children who have experienced adverse childhood experiences, like I did, and helping support their road ahead." 🤍 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's guest has a story that's hard to hear and even harder to have lived. As a child, Kenna Rene Harper survived something no child should ever have to face at the hands of her own mother. And that's where her story starts, but it isn't where it ends. Because since then, Kenna has spent years doing the work to get past that, and she's been able to turn it into something. She's the founder of Unbound Legacy Co, an apparel company built on a simple idea, where your testimony. And every design is made to spark hope and to remind people there's courage in finding joy and to open up conversations about the stories we all carry. Stories like the one she's about to tell. And a portion of every sale goes to support children who've been through adverse childhood experiences,

just like she did. So if you'd like to support her and her mission, I will make sure to put all of those links down in the description along with her socials as well. But I came across Kenna's story. while scrolling on social media, and I got the opportunity to speak with her about it at length. And our conversation is very raw and open. And I just want to thank Kenna for taking the time to come out to me to tell you guys her story. So without further ado, let's meet Kenna. My name is Kenna Renee Harper, and you can find me pretty much on all social medias under that, Kenner Renee Harper, except for on YouTube, it's official, Kenner-Rena Harper official.

and yeah, I'm a survivor and I am an advocate and I really believe in sharing not only my survivor story, but the stories that I feel like so many other people kind of hold to themselves because they're scared or they're nervous or they're afraid of speaking the truth. And so I feel like that's why I started sharing my story and trying to carry that boldness and that courage as a survivor myself and so that it could, share that hope with other survivors too. And you originally, originally shared your story on TikTok? Yes. Yeah. So originally a couple of years ago, I shared my story for the very first time. It was like some trend, some Susie Stitch. And I shared it super quick and it kind of blew up. And then I kind of put a pause on it because I wasn't really in a place where I feel like I was still processing it. And then being a new mom this past year, I had my daughter. And it was the first

time that I felt like I saw my story in its entirety being a mom myself. And so I really wanted to start sharing again. So I started sharing on TikTok and then Instagram and Facebook and it just kind of grew from there. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, the story is about how your mom attempted to kill you, which is horrible. Yeah. And I mean, I think everybody is so interested in that story because, because it's, there's a lot of why and how and like, how does it lead to that? And I think, I know, let you explain it, but there's a lot of addiction involved and there's, is there mental illness involved, I'm assuming? Yes. So I'd really love to start with your childhood. Like, what was that like growing up? Yeah. Yeah. So I have a blended family. I,

my parents met and they got married super fast. They were pregnant before they were even married and my dad had kids with a previous marriage and my mom had kids with a previous partner and then they met each other and then they had me really fast so it was like this big blended family and I think my parents were divorced within a year of them being married so I've always said that I kind of was born into a life of chaos already like it was just kind of part of me and my story and they lived in different states. And so I went back and forth between both of my parents. From what I understand it was every six weeks.

I was on a plane back and forth between states, between Idaho and Washington, or wherever my mom lived at the time, she moved around a ton. And so that was kind of how my childhood began. And for the first few years, like my mom was my best friend. She did everything for us. She said she always wanted to have a daughter. So I was actually supposed to be a boy until I was born in the birthing center. They were like, wait, it's a girl. And they're like, wait a sec.

No, it's not. It's supposed to be a boy. Like, what's going on? She said that was always her prayer. Her dream come true was to have a daughter. And so I think that that really carried out in the way that she parented me. And I felt like for the first few years, probably six years of my life, I was spoiled. I got to do any activity that I wanted to do.

and I got to be involved in dance in the Portland Ballet and all of these different things. She just wanted me, if I was interested in it, she wanted me to try it. She was the director of a Kindercare, which is basically like a child care center. And I'm not sure if she even graduated high school, but she always was able to get these really great jobs and provide for us because she was a single mom. And all of that felt really normal. It didn't feel dysfunctional at the time. Like it just felt like everything that I'd ever known.

And it was just me and my mom and my brother. And we just moved around a ton and I went and visited my dad. But my dad's house kind of felt more like a vacation because my mom had primary custody. It wasn't like, you know, you're week on, week off. You have shared time. It was like, oh, okay, when you go to dad's house, it's like two weeks in the summer. time and then you know when I start school I could only go there every other holiday so you're at mom's house for most I'm I'm at mom's house a majority of the time she's primary she's making all the

decisions all the medical everything and then dad's house is just kind of like I get to go to dad's house I play for a week with my brothers and it's so fun and then I come back home and I'm you know doing tours back to reality yes I didn't even feel like on my dad's house that I had like a true like landing space you know like a true I shared a room with my step sister I at the time and it all felt very temporary. So mom's house was definitely like the stable house. That was your space. It was your safe space. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that was basically my childhood. She always moved around a ton. So we were back and forth between Washington and Oregon. And I don't think we ever stayed in a house longer than a year. Like I think I lived in

22 different houses before I was 18. Holy crap. So I was always on the move, but that, again, at the time, just felt normal. I thought that everyone did that. I didn't realize that there were people who were born who lived in the same house until they were 18. Yeah. So, yeah, so we moved around a ton. And then my sister was born in 2004.

She was born in 2004. and we are about seven and a half years apart. And that's when I really started to notice a shift in my mom. She started becoming less of a parent in someone who was looking after me and making sure that things were getting done and that I was following the rules. And really being that current figure, she really switched from that to demanding a lot of us in the home. And my brother, he's also seven and a half years older than me. Okay, so there's seven, seven years.

Yeah, yeah, basically, yes. Okay, so you're a middle child. Oh, no, sorry. Yeah, your midship. Yeah, on my mom's side, I'm a middle child. And so it's like my brother was taking care of me, and then once my sister was born, I was taking care of my sister. Gotcha. So we were really, really parentified.

And once my sister was born, I don't know if it was postpartum. I don't know if there was a shift there. But that's when I really, really, and I don't know. it's because also I was older. I was starting to realize things, even though a child when they're in first, second, third grade shouldn't know some of the things that I knew. But I think I just started to become more aware. I started to really be parentified. And I started to understand that like something wasn't right about my mom. She wasn't the mom that I had always known. But I didn't know a name for that. I didn't know that it was addiction. I didn't know that it was

mental health issues. I didn't know that there was some really tough demons that she was battling. I just knew my mom was sick. And that was kind of the rhetoric around everything. Like, mommy's sick. She needs to get better. Whenever I would ask questions, like, well, why do you stay in bed all the time? Why are you not doing well? Why can't you get up and do the normal things that we always do? It was, oh, mommy's sick and she has to go to the doctor to feel better. I had no idea that Mommy was sick because she has an addiction issue and she has, you know, these pills that I'm getting up and taking out of the pill bottle and giving to her every day. They're not medication that she needs.

She needs, yes, yeah, yeah. I think that my younger self just thought that when you go to the doctor and they give you medicine, they're doing it because you're sick. Like, you know, you have something, yeah, you have something wrong with you. And once you take the medicine, you feel better, just like a sore throat or strep throat or whatever. And that is what I thought I was, you know, helping her with or that she was battling with. And I didn't understand that the panic attacks that she would have to go to the ER for, that these were almost like episodes or scenes in order to get more medication.

Yeah. And the kinds of pills that she was on, like, was it like pain medication then? So it was a mix of benzodiazepines, laurasapam, hydrocodone, tracadone, oxycodone. So there was pain medication and benzos to treat like anxiety. Yeah. But she was using them both at the same time. Yeah. And I'm assuming since you're at that age, so you're about seven, eight at this point when you're when she's starting to get into her that you've noticed. Yes. Yep. Yep. Yep. About eight. old, yeah. Yeah, so you're at an age where she can justify it to you in whatever way she wants

because you're a little kid, you don't know any better. And then your brother's at an age where he's probably, you know, checked out doing whatever he's doing. And then you have a baby, baby sister. So it's, it's kind of all on you at that point. Did you feel that or were you just like, I'm just helping mom. Like, were you, did you feel like she was using you at that point? Or was it more just? I think just children are sponges. And at that point, I was just a sponge to my environment. And I just had to adapt in any way I knew how. And so that just all felt really normal to me. I just thought, okay, yeah, mom is shifting. She's not doing so well. So as a family, we just take care of each other. And so I kind of like came into this role, not realizing it was parenthification, not realizing that I had to kind of come up with these coping skills in order to survive that environment. I just thought that that was normal. And so, of course, I was going to take care of my baby sister. And at that point, like, I loved it. It was almost like, you know, like, oh, this is like my real life baby doll.

Yeah. Like I'm like so maternal at that age. Yes. Yes. Like I just came into this role of like, yeah, of course, like I'll, you know, change her diapers and I'll get her when she wakes up from a nap and I'll make sure I'll play with her. And it's so funny because now that I have a bonus son and a daughter of my own and they have a five-year age gap, I see that so much of children just kind of take on like they just want to help they just want to be a part of it but now seeing it like that that was fully my responsibility not just something that was fun to do not just something that I you know was just helpful um it just really makes me realize how unhealthy that that was that I was expected to do that and also for my brother as well I mean he was in his teenage years and he was

having to, you know, cook for us and make sure that if I wasn't getting to school, that he was the one to take me to school before he went to school. So he took stuff on as well. Yeah, and he definitely took a lot of stuff on. I mean, he was a teenage boy too, so he had a lot going on, but he was very, very aware of what was going on in our house. And I don't know to what extent, but he definitely had to take on those things as well. Yeah. And did your dad know anything about this at that point? I have no idea. He really knew the extent of what was going on because he also battled with addiction himself. And so I think being in a different state and kind of being in his own world, he wasn't able to, one, be the parent that I needed to like step in and notice those

things because he was also struggling himself. And how do you also notice those things when you're a state away and you're not seeing your child all the time. And then, you know, the, the conversations and just how those visits were. It's not like I was really reflecting on things that were happening at home. Yeah. So I think that that was hard. And when you're in the depths of addiction, I don't think you really even see. No, you're in your own world. You have blinders on. Yeah. Yeah. The most important thing. Yeah. People in my immediate family have dealt with that as well. And it is. It's angering for you to watch it, but it's, there's also sympathy because it's like, they're sick. Yeah.

They are sick. That doesn't mean their actions are justified. Yeah. But there's some understanding in that way, which I'm assuming that you're, I don't want to assume anything that you like can see it from that way. Yeah. But it's just, it's a very difficult relationship to have. Yeah. Especially when you're only seven years old at that point.

Absolutely. And so with. what happened, where were you, you were 10 years old? Yes. That happened? And were you with your dad or with your mom? Like, how did that come to be? Yeah.

So leading up to the event, I felt like I could tell that my mom was really struggling in those weeks leading up to what had happened to me. I was in like this church performance and stuff. was gone a lot. One of my best friends, her mom really took over and would take me to those rehearsals and would step in. I actually ended up staying with them for like two weeks. My mom like went off to a different state. And at the time, I thought it was for a job. I think it was later found out that she was kind of trying to seek some sort of help. But then when she came back, nothing had really changed, nothing had really shifted other than her still being sick. And this

particular year, it was my dad's year to have me for Christmas. And so how that split was basically like in two-week block. So like either the first week of Christmas break or the second week, you go with mom and then you go with dad. And so that first block was with my dad. So I flew and went to my dad's house in Idaho and then my parents or and then my sibling stayed with their dad because we all have different dads. I think that's a lot of confusion that people have like, okay, well, you have all these siblings and where were all the other kids and what was going on? And why just you? I come from a family like that, so I totally get it.

Yes, yes. Like an ex-stepmom, two dads, so I'm on the same page. Yes, exactly Christmas. I flew to a different product from Canada, so I flew. So I get it. Yes, yes. It makes sense to me. Yes, yes.

So there with their dads, I go to my dad and I celebrate Christmas, just like any other fourth grader. You know, I'm just excited for Sainta. I'm excited for what's, you know, what's to come. And also when you're a child of divorced parents, like, you just try to make the most of it. So you're like, okay, I get two Christmases. Like, this is so cool. Exactly. You know, like double the presents. Bring it on. So I spend Christmas with my dad and we get a trip to Disneyland, which is like every child's like Super Bowl. Absolutely, this is what I've dreamed about. And so I'm so excited and I want to call up my mom and tell her, obviously, like the good news, she's my best friend. I felt like I was really.

really anything that ever happened in my life I wanted to share with my mom and I felt like kind of an extension of her at the time I didn't know that that was very unhealthy but it was just something that like everything I wanted to do everything that I experienced it was I wanted to do with my mom so I call her up I get to tell her and she's not as enthused as I expected her to be it was almost like she was put off and I learned at a really young age to read emotions. So I gauged that she was unhappy about it and that something was off. And so then it made me kind of feel that way. Which looking back now, I'm like, that's so sad. What a what a way to rob your children of joy just because of your own emotions and your own feelings and resentment,

whether that be towards my dad or towards the fact that she couldn't do that for us or whatever that was that she was carrying at the time. I just, I think that all of those things, should be put aside for your kids. But I obviously felt that emotional shift from her. And so I'm like, okay, well, I think I'm excited to see you, like, you know, trying to kind of like manage her emotions. And she's like, yeah, well, we'll see if you, if you even go. So I'm like, okay, well, like, I hope so, you know, so I just try to like divert and say, okay, I'll see you because I was planning on flying out later that day to go and see, go back home and see her. And then we were going to celebrate Christmas with my brother and sister the following day.

So we get off the phone and actually something that I kind of forget about the story is that she had asked my dad if I wanted to stay an extra day, which in hindsight, then my like siblings would have been home. And it would have changed the whole plan. I don't know if that would have changed anything else, but it was just strange because to change a flight last minute is just not easy to do, especially around the holidays. Like it's just, it's expensive. It causes a lot of confusion for me, obviously as the kid. Like, you just kind of want to stick to what is set in stone, have as much routine as you possibly can. So my dad was like, no, we're not changing it. Like, you're going on the flight and you're going home. So that was that.

I got on a flight and I went back to see my mom. It was kind of a late-ish flight, so I think we got in about six or seven. And then because we lived in a little small town in Port Angeles in Washington, it's two and a half hours away from any airport. So when you fly in, you have to make that drive. So it makes for a really long travel day. So I got in. I'm really excited to see her. And then we make our way back home. And at that point, like I could tell that she was doing fine. Like nothing really, I don't know, people ask like, did you see any signs? Like, was she acting abnormal? Like, she wasn't intoxicated. She didn't seem to be on any medication. I could usually tell when my mom was at her lows or when she was,

you know, she had her highs and she had her lows. And then when she was on her medication, she was very lethargic. She was out of it. All of those things. She was acting fairly normal. she was asking me definitely a lot of questions about my visit, kind of trying to gauge how my experiences were with my stepmom and what the household was like and things like that, which she often did. Again, not really a red flag. Like she was one of those parents who was very involved in parental and alienation. Is that the right? I think so. Yeah. Trying to use your child as a vessel for information from the other parent and to get messages from you to the other parent. Yes.

I understand that. Yes. Not to that degree. Yes. You know, I feel like it's probably common and a lot of people can relate to that in terms of people with separated families. Yes. It's just like, oh, well, why did they do that? And why are they doing that?

Or you are doing it? It's just, it's so manipulative and a child shouldn't be used in that way. But I think that's the perfect, yeah, parental alienation. Yes. Yeah, and I had no idea, obviously, at the time, that that's what was going on. But I think in high conflict co-parenting situations, that is often apparent, like you said, because they're fishing for information. They want to know. I think that there's like this, there's this idea that the child owes you some type of loyalty or that parent, some type of loyalty. And so that was often what it was, is like, I felt super loyal to my mom to where I felt. like if I had too much fun at dad's house, she would be upset. Or if I, you know, if I liked my stepmom in any capacity, she would be upset. And that would be disloyal to her. And so this feeding for information was very normal, but it was very unhealthy. And so I remember making a comment about like,

oh yeah, my stepmom said like you're crazy, like trying to change the flight the day before, whatever, which, you know, hindsight, like, that is wild. That is wild. Like, I might have made a comment like that too. But obviously that made her very upset. And I felt the sense of I have to be extremely honest at all times. And as a kid, like, you're, that's what you're taught. Be completely honest with your parents. Tell them everything. And so I told her that. And I could tell she was very unsettled by that. But other than that, like, the ride back was fairly. normal, you know, we had our little debrief. I played some games to keep me company and like keep the drive going by. And then I started to develop a toothache pretty bad. And so I just told her like,

oh, mom, like I'm really in a lot of pain. She's like, oh, don't worry. We'll get you medicine when we get back to the house. I'm like, okay, okay. Just try to rest, basically, try to just make the time pass as quickly as you can and then we'll be fine. So I think at that point, like I took a little map and I remember laying my head on the center console and waking up and being at our house in Fort Angeles. And when we got there, it was pretty dark. It was nighttime at this point. We were basically like, let's get our pajamas on and let's just go to bed. So we go inside and I put my suitcase down and I show her my brand new pajamas that I got for Christmas and I'm just like so excited that like innocence of a child like I'm back home also I co-slept with my mom up until

this point and I again I think it just kind of shows the level of food management and like I'm not against like a co-sleep at all you know like I think it's beautiful and wonderful and I love when my daughter sleeps with me but up until you're 10 never sleeping in your own bed like there's a level of like, okay, there's really no separation. Like there's really... Just dependency on her and you... Yes. So it's just like...

It's in measurement. Yeah. In its own way. Total dependency. And so it was our bed, not my mom's bed in my room upstairs. Like, so I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get in bed. And she's like, okay, you get ready for bed and I'll be in in a minute. You're like, okay, I'll put on a movie, whatnot.

It was pretty late. Like, I was pretty tired. was exhausted. I mean, you get up at 4 a.m. for Christmas when you're a kid. Like, you have no idea. And so, like, at that point, I'd been up for so long. So I was pretty ready. And at that point, I didn't really notice my toothache. I was fine. I didn't want the medicine. She's like, well, I'm going to bring you some medicine anyway. I'm like, no, thank you. Like, at this point, also, I feel like it's really important to know I developed a distrust with doctors, with medicine. I was pretty strict on not ever wanting to take medicine because I didn't trust that it would work.

Because for multiple years, my mom was sick and she was supposed to be taking this medicine that was going to make her better. And time and time again, I saw these high highs and these low lows and then the medicine not working. My mom's still staying in bed, not being herself. And so any time it came for me to take any medicine, I threw tantrums. like I did not want to take him. I didn't think it would work. I was very distrustful. And so when my mom told me that we were going to take medicine, I'm like, no, I would

honestly rather like have whatever pain that I was having than take medicine that wasn't going to help me. Fair enough. And so when she said that, like, I'm like, oh, no, I'm just going to fall asleep. So then I don't have to take the medicine. Well, she is taking a lot of time. She's like in the kitchen and our, I say our bedroom still. so funny. So our room was here and then there was like this tiny little hallway, the stairs go up,

and then the kitchen right here. So just very close adjacent to each other. And I'm like, why isn't my mom like coming in here? Like why is she still taking a long time? So I go and check on her. She says, McKinna go back inside. She doesn't, or into the bed. She doesn't want me to come and check on her, which again, very parentified. I felt like I constantly had to check on her. make sure she was doing okay, like make sure emotionally she was doing what she's supposed to be doing if something was out of the normal. I knew. So I sensed that. Something wasn't right. And then she took a bath and I'm like, well, why is she taking a bath? Like it's so late. I think at this point, you know, it's like nine o'clock. Why is she doing this? Like we should be

going to bed. So then I check on her there. She yells again and we kind of go into bed. So finally I go in and she's like on the computer and I see a couple of glasses like in the distance. She's like, I'm going to get you on your medicine, but you need to go into bed immediately. And she started to get more stern. And like I pretty much knew at that point. That's like the mom voice. Like you don't mess with, you don't mess with mom at that point. And so I just go back and I just try to fall asleep.

And I think I did. I dozed off a little bit. And then I was woken up by my mom saying like, okay, McKenna, I have your medicine. And I look down and there's this clear glass. It's a short glass and it's like kind of like murky. I could see like crumbles of like white stuff, which at the time I thought was just like an Alka-Seltzer tablet. And she's like, okay, you need to take this to feel better. And I'm like, oh no, I feel better, mom.

Like I don't need to take it. I'm okay. And she's like, no, you're going to take this medicine. And so I started drinking it because she was my mom and she told me to. and you have this undying trust that your parents are always going to do what's in your best interest and they're always going to protect you and if she's telling me this will make me feel better like it's going to make me feel better so i started drinking it and i explained it like the worst taste i've ever taste in my life like when you have that film like that chalky film on it

on a pill that if you have to take and it was that times like i say a thousand but it was like It seriously was the worst. Like, I couldn't take pills after this for the longest time because that taste just triggered everything in my body. So I tried to just drink it just with the water and the pills, which I thought were Motrin or Children's Tylenol or something. And I couldn't take it. I was having a full mental breakdown.

I was screaming. I was crying. And she's like, okay, well, then if I put like a Capri Sun in there, will that make it better? So I'm like, well, maybe we'll try some juice in there. So she got a Capriza and she put that in there, which helped, but it still was horrible. And I ended up finishing the entire drink. I drink it all. And almost instantly, I remember feeling like a complete, just like heaviness about my whole body.

Like everything time kind of stopped in that moment. And then she was like, you're going to feel so much better now. And I remember laying like my head on the pillow and then that was it. The next thing I remember was waking up in the Seattle Children's Hospital. And my dad was right there holding my hand, sobbing. I have all of these IVs in me and I'm just wondering like, where's my mom? Yeah, because now you're, I mean, are you in the same state at this point? Yes.

But you're like two, three hours away. Yes. Yeah. from hospital. Yeah. You time traveled. Yeah. You're 10.

Yeah. Just confused to what's going on. Yeah. And then so did your dad kind of tell you, I mean, as much as he knew? Or, because I'm assuming, I'm assuming the cops are involved at this point because the doctors have to be like, she has an inordinate amount of drugs in her system. Yeah. So nobody was able to tell me what was going on at all.

And I think that was the most confusing point for me because I just kept asking, where's my mom. Now that I'm awake, I'm thinking it's the next day. I'm supposed to spend Christmas with my siblings. Like that's the most important thing I'm focused on. I missed them. Like I wanted to get my presents with my mom. Like I just wanted to have family time. And I just kept asking them, where's my sibling? Where's my mom? Like, why am I not in Port Angeles? I just came from Seattle. Like we just drove away from here. So why am I here again? And nobody could tell me. I had no concept of why I was in the hospital, why I was hooked up to anything. It was a huge room and my dad could be there and like my dad's side of the family could be there at like in certain increments,

but the cops were at the front of the doors. So they were constantly being monitored. A majority of the time I had to spend time alone. They would give me a coloring book and they could like I could color to pass the time, but really or like watch TV or whatever. But they were advised not to tell me anything and so I was just left to just be and I didn't even ask like I think that I don't think I've ever shared this before but like I didn't even think about myself in that moment like I didn't think about like am I okay why am I hooked up to this like why am I in the hospital like all I was thinking about was other people and like my mom um which is crazy because I've been going back in the case files and the nurse who is taking care of her, she noted that she didn't ask about me once.

Like she didn't ask how I was doing or like if I was okay, which just shows you the level of honestly insanity that she has because I think about my 10 year old self and that's all I asked about was her. Yeah. So, yeah, it didn't, in those days following and everything that happened after and being in the hospital and everything, nobody was telling me anything. And I think that, I think that they wanted to preserve my testimony and what had happened. There was a detective that came in immediately at the Seattle Children's Hospital to interrogate me. And I don't remember that, like, interview at all.

And then when we got back to Port Angeles, I had that interview again, which I've been able to since watch over. And it kind of brings back memories. I feel like I'm still watching it from above myself. I'm like dissociated from my body. But people ask, like, well, when did you know? When did you know that your mom tried to kill you? When did you know that the medicine in there was a lethal dose of benzodiazepines, pain killers? They estimate, about 50 to 100 of them were in just my drink alone. Because she drank some as well. Yes, yeah. So they, this is kind of where the story gets a little confusing. And I am processing this now going back and looking at the trial in its entirety. And I'm only, oh gosh, I think there's 1,400 court documents on the week-long trial. And I'm only, I started kind of.

at the end and I'm working my way back. But her whole defense was that this was a, there was a homicide letter and this was intended to be kind of like a murder, murder suicide. So she wanted to take my life and hers as well, which from the outside looking in, if you see and you read the letter that she left titled Lastwell and Testament, there is,

you know, there's how she titles it and who she writes to, and how she says spread our ashes along the spit. And I mean, she fully intended for definitely me to be gone. But she says that she wanted to take me to heaven with her. But now looking back, she walked out of the house completely fine. And I was taken out on a stretcher. My whole arm was losing blood flow.

I had white stuff coming out of my mouth. I was in a coma for a couple of days. They had to give me multiple Narcan reversals and other reversals in order to even get me to wake up. And it's a miracle that I didn't have anything lasting, like medically wrong with me. My brain was okay. Like my organs weren't shut down, like anything like that. Like that was a miracle. And so it's really hard for me to look at all the evidence and the premeditation that had to happen.

And I think the prosecution did a really good job at poking holes in the defense of like, hey, okay, if you did just snap, because you can hear the 911 call, I have that on my page of like, she called 911. She called 911. Yes, yeah. And that's another thing. Like, people are like, who called 911? Like, when I tell this story, I'm like, I'm telling it from my perspective. But she actually calls 911. So I was administered the medication at 1030.

they, around that time, they estimate. And then they estimate that if she took any, which she did take some, you can hear it in her voice, that she took some medication at sometime after 12, because the last Will and Testament was saved and printed at like 1209. So that's two hours after I was administered in. So I'm like basically lifeless in another room. she's printing out this last one in testament putting it around like fully knowing that i'm not doing well and in the crime scene photos too like she would have had to crawl over my body and place

herself in the bed closest to the wall which is just eerie to think about too like she knew they had been hours. Also, the prosecution points out that there was no, like, nightstand. Like, the room that she had was very small. So the bed basically went from, like, wall to wall. So in order for her to crawl over me and then have access to a phone, she literally had to have brought it in with her. So her whole idea of, oh, well, I just, I just, I just, I came to and then there and and God must have just placed the the phone on my chest because then I just knew I had to call to save my daughter because she's now the savior. That's the defense. Like, oh, I had to save because I wanted both of us to go to heaven because I was so scared that McKenna was being abused and all of these different things, which there's so many holes in that theory. Like I hardly saw my dad, you know? Like I, my dad never abused me. And,

it's wild that that was what was used of like, oh, I just had to save her. I was so scared. It's like, I wasn't going to see him for months. You know, like, were you mad that he was taking me to Disneyland? Were you jealous? She also saw me as just a full extension of her. So there was never this, like, whatever my dad had done to me. Like, was she jealous that I had this relationship with my dad? There's so many thoughts. But when she called, 911 and she says, I just snapped. It's like, okay, well, you had to fully, you were fully capable of driving home from Seattle. You are fully capable of taking a bath. You are fully capable of writing this letter. The prosecution points out that there's no punctuation issues. Her name is spelled. She's able to say the pin of her bank account. Like, this is someone who was not under

the influence of, you know, any, she hadn't taken the pills or anything at this point. And so, I don't know. I think that I'll spend probably the rest of my life speculating like exactly what had happened. She's the only one who truly knows the timeline. And she never testified. She never spoke to exactly what had happened in the walls of that house. But from what, from what, we know she walked out. She was able to walk out of the house when she was taken to the hospital. You know, she was treated. You could tell that she had taken something. But also when you think about addiction and an addict, they take so much, whatever their drug of choices, right? Their tolerance is so much higher than anyone else. You can't compare a 40-year-old's tolerance who's an active addiction

to a 10-year-old who has never taken a single pain killer in her life. So I think that was like a huge gap also. And the fact that she was okay, the nurses that actually took care of her were she was fine, she was asking for a blanket, she was demanding all sorts of things for herself. while the small hospital in my hometown couldn't even take care of me and had to lifeline me to the Seattle Children's Hospital just to try to get some extra pair to save my life. So yeah, that I think that that part is really hard for me because painting it as if she's the savior or that she was trying to do this to herself.

Now looking back as an adult, I just don't see that being real. No, and she was a savior. And then she became the victim. Yes. Just like, oh, poor me. Look at what happened to me. And I saved her, but, and then she's not even asking about you. It's just, yeah, the amount of selfishness and I'm assuming narcissism and just, that's just awful.

Yeah. Continuing, your mom's in the hospital, you're in the hospital, you spoke him with your dad. You've had some interviews. And I know I did watch what you. showed of you getting interviewed as a 10-year-old, you're credibly well-spoken, which kind of just speaks to how you were parentified and made to be the adults, essentially, in your relationship, just the way you speak, you can tell. You're just, like, very poised. And I'm assuming, do you remember any of that at all, or is that just a blur? Because I know you said you were

kind of looking in on yourself. Yeah. So when I saw that for the first time, it definitely brought back that suppressed memory that I had forgotten about. Like, I do kind of remember being in that room, but I think trauma has this way of suppressing memories as a way of protecting. So, like, a lot of that, it's like, I can, I can put myself back there and I remember bits and pieces, but, like, the entirety of that video, I, I don't recall. Um, the specific questions or emotions I felt during that time, I don't remember. So when I watch that footage back, it like breaks my heart all over again because, like, you said, you can tell how parentified I was.

Like, I remember being that little girl. I remember being, like, labeled as smart or, like, mature for my age. And I didn't know what that meant. And now seeing that, like, I cannot believe that was me at 10 years old. Yeah. And so much of, like, the personality. traits that I've always carried, I thought were just personality traits, but they were really just products of survival in like ways that I had to be in order to cope. So being like articulate or

over explaining myself or like you can see in the in the interviews I am like hard on myself. I'm like drawing something for him like the layout of the house. And I'm like, oh, that wasn't very good. That present wasn't symmetrical or I say something like that. And I'm like, poor girl, like you're in this interview room with no concept of what has gone on. The fact that you're even alive is a miracle and you're just worried about like making sure that you paint this picture for the detective in the right way. Yeah. So yeah, that's just, I think that's really hard to watch myself in that way and then realize that there's a part of these memories that I really don't. recall at all. Like I remember a lot, but then there's parts that yeah, I don't. I think that's

just natural. Yeah. Brain's just protecting itself. Yeah. And and at that point it seemed like in the interviews, you're still cared for your mom. You're still worried about her to a certain extent. Yeah. Get confused. I'm sure more than anything, but just like, where is she? How is she? And that so at what point did at any point during those interviews, did they, they didn't say anything. No, because they probably just wanted to, again, what you said, protect your testimony and to make sure not to taint anything. Yeah. And I think that there was so much in the investigation on the back end that they had no answers for. So they didn't want to give a child an answer and disappoint them. They were trying to figure out the whole custody thing where I was going to go.

I was having to stay with the foster family because when I was released from the hospital, because they didn't know if these allegations my mom had made against my dad were true. So like, what was in? And they kept saying, what's in the best interest of McKenna? What's in the best interest of McKenna? And it's like, it's hard because obviously a normal 10-year-old doesn't know what's in their best interest. And I didn't know what was in my best interest, but I knew what was my normal. And like, I just wish that there was a way for somebody to have sat me down and said in whatever appropriately aged way that they could have in saying like, your mom. hurt you or like something.

Did something bad. Yeah, yeah. She did something bad and she's away. And I think I started during that interview, I kind of started to pick up on it because I got emotional at a couple points. And I was like, where is my mom? Like, why is no one telling me this? And why can't you tell me this?

Then the fact that they couldn't tell me anything, I was smart enough to know, okay, well, something's bad. Like, and then I even started to defend her. I was like, oh, I think the medicine that she put in there might have been expired. And that's maybe why I had a, bad reaction and had to go to the hospital. Like, I still didn't know that there was pills that wasn't Children's Motrin or that it wasn't Alka-Seltzer. Like, I was, I didn't know, but I was still defending her. And honestly, I don't think anybody told me what had happened other than continuing

this, this narrative that mom was sick. And that's all I knew for like a while. Yeah. Because it's a long process, right? Yes, yeah. There was a couple of days where they were trying to figure out custody. My family in Washington was trying to fight for me to stay there because that was all I've ever known. I had friends. Like, my home base was there. But then, of course, like, my dad's out of the family is fighting for custody of me because

I've never lived with my dad and he's the next up, what, like the next guardian, I guess, of me. So, like, that makes sense. but he ends up getting custody of me and I have to basically just up uproot my whole life and move to Idaho. I wasn't able to like pack up my stuff. I didn't, I don't even know maybe they went to the crime scene and got like a suitcase because I do remember having my suitcase. So maybe somebody was able to go in and just get me a couple of clothing items because

all I had was what I picked up out of a trash bag. in the hospital. Like that's what they give kids who don't have anything. You have to pick clothes that don't even fit you. And so all I had was the suitcase and then,

okay, now your dad's getting custody of you. You're upbreding your whole life. We're going to put you on a plane and then you're going to go live with your aunt and uncle. So that was another thing that was like so confusing because I'm going through all this. I don't know what's going on.

Nobody's telling me anything. And then my dad's getting custody, but I'm going to go live with my aunt and uncle because why can't I live with my dad? Like, nobody's telling me that. And I'm obviously so excited at that point to live with my aunt uncle because I love my cousins and like, whatever. It's a fresh start. But also, I'm leaving my brother and sister. I'm not even able to like say goodbye to my friends.

I'm having to just uproot everything and start new. And I have no autonomy in any of this. No one's asking me like what I want. what's like, okay, you guys are all deciding what's best for McKenna at the time, but like, what about what I want? Yeah. So that was like a really hard part of my story. Was there no like therapist or counselor that stepped in to talk to you about any of this?

So when I went to Idaho, I didn't live with my dad because of his addiction. I lived with my aunt and uncle. And I remember going to this place, I think it was called the children's place. And it was therapy for kids. And it's basically play therapy. So I did go for a very short amount of time. I think I would leave on my lunch break from school. And I don't remember if it was once a week or twice a week.

And I really don't remember it being very much longer than like a couple of months. And I would go to this place. I would sit down with the therapist and then we'd just talk. And a majority of the time, I was just asking about my siblings. Like, is my sister okay? Because at this point, I was like her caretaker. So, like, my main concern is like, where's my sister? Is she okay?

I don't know what goes on at her dad's house, you know? So- Because they just went to their other parents. Yeah, I wasn't at their dads when they'd had visitations because I went to my dad. So I'm like concerned about her because she's so young and I was just so close with her. And again, I'm that person, I'm that kid who's just asking about everyone else. And I don't think I was really processing what was going on with me. And I do remember a conversation we were playing pool during this play therapy.

And they were saying, like, well, you know that if your mom was in her right mind, she would never hurt you. And I think that like going back, that's probably one of the first conversations that I had, where I started to realize that she did try to hurt me. And something was like horribly wrong. and that was why I wasn't with her. And then I just think that over the next few years, it transitioned to your mom was not well. She tried to hurt you to your mom tried to kill you.

And I don't know where that shifted. But it wasn't in therapy and it wasn't, I mean, I should have been in therapy a lot longer. I was. Absolutely. Because I think that I went a couple weeks and they're like, oh, yeah, she's good. I think the thing about it is, is that I wish more professionals and teachers and therapists, I don't know. I just wish that they had more awareness that even if a child is acting like they have it all together, that in and of itself might be a trauma response. Absolutely. Like I think that people look at, okay, if they're acting out, if they're, you know, if kids look a certain way,

if they're not wanting to participate, if they're having tantrums, if they're, you know, that's a lot easier to identify, oh, something might be going on. Something looks wrong. Yeah, something looks wrong. So something is wrong. Yes. But then what about the kids who pour themselves into extracurriculars and, you know, being perfect and having it all together, even though something just went horribly wrong and like,

you know, she's doing surprisingly well. It's like, well, maybe she's not, and that's just her way of coping with things. Yeah, you've been groomed to compartmentalize everything. Yes. It's just, yeah, and I don't think kids get enough credit for how smart they are. Yes. Like just, it's just, like, just watching you in that interview,

it's just like, gosh, you get so many things you have handled and dealt with and, you know, taking care of your sister and your mom. And you're just so little, you don't think a kid would, understand it or like they clearly can't say anything to you. It's just like I just want to scream through it and be like just tell her what's going on. Yeah. That's what she needs to know. Yeah. So it's yeah, it's interesting. I don't know what the right answer is to it. But I feel like at the very least, yeah, some even different kind of therapy because even I don't know, I don't know what it would be. I know. It's like you clearly needed to work through these emotions and they needed to

unpack it more. I don't know if you've done therapy now. Yeah, 100%. That's like, wait, I'm an adult and I can like try to make sense of it. But I feel like it would just be so much more beneficial if it was treated like you're an actual, not you're not an adult, but like just older. I think that's kind of like what I want to advocate for now. And I feel like I'm starting to kind of like research like, okay, what are the ways that we can start to help children in these situations that are age appropriate? Because also we have to know kids in that, in those.

circumstances, they have to be parentified. So like, they have to be more mature at some point. And so having these conversations, like, yes, maybe for like a normal 10 year old who's in a stable household, like that maybe wouldn't be appropriate. But like, how can we maybe not say, oh, your mom tried to murder you? But like, yeah. Can we have a conversation about, I don't know, mental health and like what that looks like. And, you know, you know your mom had been sick for a really long time or you know your mom had been struggling for a really long time i don't know i don't know what that looks like i think i'm just searching for that now like what i what do i wish that people would have done and stepped in yeah and what other ways of course i wish prolonged therapy would have

prolonged therapy would have been something that was very beneficial for me because at that point i think i just learned like you said compartmentalizing and then there was like this mckenna before and then this McKenna after. And it's almost like I just had to switch on the survival mode of, okay, well, now I have this new life. I'm not going to talk about what happened to me. I'm not going to talk about my mom. I'm going to have an answer for everything. If somebody asks why I live with my aunt and uncle, and I'm just going to push forward and pretend like I didn't have this other life because that's easier than working through it, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Or having everybody ask you questions, like you should know them. Yeah.

Yeah, well, why? Yeah. It's like, I don't know, actually, and you probably won't ever know. And that's, I can't imagine how tough that is. Yeah. But, and then with the, so in the story now, she's arrested, I'm assuming. Yep, yeah, yeah. And then usually it takes years until you can do some sort of trial to build a case and everything like that.

So do you see her at any point during that or not until, because you testified. Yes, yeah. So. You testified. There was two years, which is pretty typical for any trial. It usually takes two years or more to go in front of a jury. So in that two years, I was in Idaho. I didn't go visit my family in Washington. No, that I remember, no, when she was still out, because she ended up posting bail or she was on house arrest? Yeah, so she ended up being on house arrest for a majority of that time. I think that her bill was set at like a half a million or something like that. I'm not sure. But yeah, she was on house arrest and she was functioning like a normal human.

She was, you know, watching my cousin. She was normal. And the thing about it is, too, is that if you knew my mom before addiction, she obviously had some struggles with mental health. Like, I think that that has been prevalent her whole life. And there is a certain level of empathy I have for what she went through. Because, right, these things don't just come out of nowhere. Like, she also experienced her own trauma.

But it was never dealt with, and it was never dealt with in a healthy way. And so people just thought on the outside, she was like a perfect mom who loved her kids and, you know, whatever. And then she had this addiction aside from that. And so when she's on house arrest, like people know her for her. So I think everyone around and then the family was kind of going through their own conflict of like, we can't imagine that she did this. And like this had to have just been like drug induced. Like it was only because she was on drugs.

Like there's no way that she could have done this in any other capacity. So now that she's clean, like let's rally around her. And I don't vaults any of my family for. thinking that way because I put myself in that situation and if something like that ever happened to me and my sister or something like that like I have no idea how I would react like I think that you're kind of all just in a state of survival of like let's make sure McKenna's okay but then also like let's you know we have to believe that this person isn't crazy and they wouldn't do this if they were in their right mind because they've only seen her as good yeah as my sister or my daughter or my

this or my that. My grandma was pretty much the only one, which is her mom, that was like, right off the bat, she had a couple of conversations with her. And then after that, within the first week, she cut off all contact and hasn't been in contact with her at all since. And my grandmother's my best friend. And I think that she saw right away that this was someone that was so incredibly unwell. She tried to blame my grandmother. She tried to blame my dad. She tried to blame. You know, everybody in her life was put to blame for this except for her. And I think that that's the hardest thing because you're out on house arrest. You're like living your life. You're getting all these friends from church. You're trying to like rally around and get this case built like you're

fine. And I think she fully did believe that. She had conversations. I heard some jail calls where, oh, I'm going to be on Oprah one day because I saved my daughter's life. And then I think that's when I started listening to these back as an adult and realizing this wasn't just someone who was in like a drug-induced psychosis, as she would maybe say. This is someone who, yes, of course, the addiction didn't help. Usually if someone has addiction issues, they have a dual diagnosis. They have some sort of underlying mental health issue. There has been multiple diagnoses. I don't know which ones are valid, you know, borderline, bipolar, narcissism, like a plethora of them.

So when you add that all together, like obviously that's a recipe for disaster, but this isn't just the drugs. There's many people who are addicts and I've been around that scene on my dad's side. I've been to celebrate recovery. I've seen the addiction side of things. Many people who deal with that who struggle solely on their own. They don't also try to murder their children or people who have borderline personality who I want to strongly advocate for like they are also don't try to just murder their children. Yes. This is justification. Yes.

There's no empathy for that. Yes. Yeah. And I think that I've been seeing these like ideas of like, oh, because it was this, that's justifiable. Like, absolutely not. Like, there's no justifying you trying to murder your child. So I think that in those two years, back to the story is just her trying to build this case of, I'm going to pin this on like basically the insanity plea. I wasn't in my right mind. And yeah, I was so far removed. I was in Idaho.

I was just living my own life, living with my aunt and uncle. And then going into sixth grade, my dad had a year where he was completely sober. So then I went and lived with him. He got remarried to his fourth wife. And we kind of just like started again a new life. Like I was so used to that. Okay, I'm moving again. I'm starting a new school.

I'm starting new friends. And we're going to start over again. So just got really used to like starting over. And then that's when we got the subpoena to go testify against her. And that was going to be the first time that I had seen her since she handed me that glass of medicine. So you were, what, 12, 13 at this point now? Yep, yeah. How did you feel about that?

Yeah, well, first of all, middle school, I mean, it's just a crazy. It's a bad time for anyone's life. So you're going through all of this. And then, yeah, and then I got, I was extremely nervous. I was at that point, living with my dad, obviously he had his own opinions on my mom. And he has, he just doesn't have a filter. So it went, that was kind of when it went from like, your mom tried to hurt you. She's unwell to like, your mom tried to kill you.

And that was like laying down the facts of it, which she did. But I think that was really hard for me to process and then go. into testifying of like, okay, well, now I'm not just facing my mom in court. I'm facing the person who tried to murder me. And that just, that shift in realizing that those two people are the same person, you know, is something I just don't even think I can, like, explain. Like, that feeling is so indescribable. I was nervous.

I was having, like, anxiety attacks about it. And but I knew that I had to be brave and then I had to put on a brave face and I had to do it because whatever obviously helped the prosecution to get, um, a better understanding of what happened. Like I was the only other person there that night. So like, I mean, I didn't have a choice. But I knew I wanted to be brave. Which also is very interesting on like why children don't have a choice to testify. Yeah. That is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't, I don't know what the exact. rules are with that. Yeah. But since you're underage, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like you can't make your own decisions because you're underage, even though it's like, no, I'm not actually comfortable with that. Like, why isn't there an option or is there, I'm not sure I have to look into

that. Yeah. Is there an option for you to sit in a room and get these questions not being in front of your mom who you haven't seen in two, three years? Right. Because I know that like, I think that there is, like with sexual assault victims, there, able to decide if they're going to face their perpetrator. So as a child, and usually children have a lot more protection. So I would be interested or in curious to speak with the prosecution or to speak with someone who was involved in my case to see like, who made that decision that I was going to do it. And did I? Like, I don't even remember. I, I just remember being subpoenaed. So like, did I say like, oh, I'm fine with that? And I just was like going to put them on my brave face. But.

But I don't know. Or how it was just presented to. It's like, oh, you need to do this. It's like, okay, and you're an adult basically at this point. Yeah. Because you've been, how you were raised. Yes. Yeah, okay, I'll do that.

Like I, because you seem to be or used to be, I'm sure, have carried on now. It's just like, yeah, I have to do what I have to do because I have to do it. Right. There's no arguing it. Yes. Especially adults. Yeah. It's like, oh, you're my elder.

So I'm going to do what you tell me to do. Yeah, that's really interesting. I'd be curious to know about that because it does feel so just exposed. and I can't imagine how you felt up there and with your mom there, did you pay attention to her at all? Or were you just blocking her out? Yeah. So it's kind of wild. Like, again, I see myself like up here when I, when I visualize these things.

But yeah, I walked into from this like side door and I wasn't able to be present for any of the other trial. So like I didn't sit in on anything. So they just, I had a caseworker and she, she was lovely. She gave me this rock that said believe and I still have it. And she said, okay, just hold this during you testifying and just like, kind of like rub it. If you get nervous because I like shake a lot when I'm nervous. And, you know, just know that like you can look at your brother or look, you know, just look somewhere safe. And so I go in and where I was sitting, like the judge is here.

And then the court reporter is here. And then I was here. And so the court reporter was kind of blocking her, like my line of vision to her, which was amazing for me. Like, okay, good. I don't really have to look there. And like, I could just look for my brother for support and just like really hone in on that because he was like my safe place. But she did often try to like, you know, move her head and try to see me and glance because I'm sure that the court reporter was blocking her line of vision for me. And so I could feel that and that would make me like very, very nervous.

And, you know, I'm sure I stumbled on my words. I'm still working through that. I haven't read my test, like me testifying yet in my court files. I'm working towards that now. But I do remember bits and pieces of the defense trying to kind of make me an incredible witness, which is wild. But they kind of wanted to paint this idea that because I'd been living with my dad's side of the family that they were like tainting my views of what had happened.

So they really honed in on me testifying that I was watching a certain movie. I think I said while I was testifying that I was watching the devil wears Prada while I was going to bed. But originally I had said Nanny McPhee. Okay. So then they like hound in on this for like 20 minutes it felt like made the jury leave, had me rewatch my interview where I said Nanny McPhee. And I'm like, okay, yeah, maybe I did.

like it felt like such a silly thing to focus on when it's like, okay, we're focusing on what I said, like what movie I was watching, which was two years ago, which was also like I had gotten out of my coma, went to this interview basically. And like now I'm two years outside of it.

Maybe I was watching Nanny McVee instead of the Devil Wears Prada. But why are we focused on that? Why don't we focus on what I was doing? Yeah. Yeah. Like the actual important stuff. Like the crime. Traumatizing?

Yes. What fucking movie? Because I understand they're trying to poke holes in whatever you're doing, but that does seem like the bottom of the barrel. They're scraping because they didn't have a case. Exactly. Yeah. That's awful though for 10 or whatever, 12.

Yeah, it was 12. Yeah. So I must have been like, I think I had just turned 13 at that point. And yeah, that just, that seems silly. I remember them also asking, you know, did your mom care for you? And I was really proud of myself because I'm like, well, care for me in the sense that she took care of me or that she cared about me. Because, yeah, I believe that my mom did care about me, but she didn't take care of me.

I was doing everything that I needed to to uphold the household. And so I do remember certain questions like that that stick in my brain. I don't remember all of it. But it felt like a really long time. And like once I was done, we walked out of the courtroom and there was like this glass wall. and we had to walk by her. And I remember my brother kind of moving around me so that he could kind of block me from her and like shield her.

And I think that was the most like chilling part of it because it was like this I'm so afraid of this person and like we're so close. It'd been two and a half years. Like I'd longed for a conversation. I'd been, I'd gone from saving every school paper that I had in Idaho hoping to give it to my mom one day because I thought I was going to see her again to like realizing that she had tried to kill me and like all I wanted to do was ask her questions like ask her for myself like why why did you do this what was going on was this just the drugs so it's like I'm walking by this person again that

like I have so much love for but I'm terrified of oh my gosh you can't even imagine yeah it's just and when the trial was over what was the what was the what was the what was What was the outcome of it? Yeah, so she ended up being found guilty of her charges of first degree attempted murder. And she was sentenced. First degree. Yeah, first degree attempted murder. She was also found guilty of something along, and I have to look this up.

It's something that has to do with like neglect of a child. And so the two were to be served concurrently. Is that the right word? Yeah. Like at the same time. consecutively, like concurrently, I think same means the same thing. At the same time. I don't know.

My brain. But yeah, they were to be, yeah, they were to be served at the same time. So she was supposed to get 12 years total for it. That's insane. Which short in my head doesn't feel like enough. Yeah. We were. So she was found guilty.

And then what happens is that then there's a judgment in sentencing afterwards. And so that's basically when we're able to bring, like, our letters to the judge and pleading for a larger sentence. And so my plea was that, like, please make it so that my sister is 18 and grown and that I'm 18 and grown and, like, we can be adults and we don't have to be fearful. And we can kind of, like, develop and make our own choices at that point. And a lot of my family on my dad's side vouched for that as well. She had a lot of people vowsing the other way for her, too. Really? And like to have as little sentence as possible that this was just drug and nuisino.

So I'm interested in hearing and seeing those as well. I'm still, like I said, diving into those. But ultimately she only got the 12 years. And then she ended up only serving nine. So she is fully out now. Wow. And off parole and everything. Wow.

And I'm safely assuming. you have not spoken or seen her or anything like that? I've had multiple run-ins. Oh, you have? Yeah, I've actually had to, back in 2020, I had to get a no-contact order. So let me back up. So there was, during the sentencing,

the prosecution was trying to get a no-contact order for life for all of me and my siblings, like all of us for our safety. The judge only stated it for me. So she was also to have no contact with anyone under the age of 18 without parental consent. But she did still have some parental rights for all of us, which is crazy. But I did get that no contact order for life. At 18 years old, I ended up breaking it because that was like the time where I was able to make that decision.

And I just, I had so many questions. Like at 18, I feel like you're starting to like, question the world. Like you just like are what's your reality? What's going on? Like I was applying for colleges. I was going to go out of the state and I just had I felt like I had this life ahead of me but I had again this this huge part before where I had so many questions. And so I ended up breaking that at 18 and going and seeing her in prison for the first time. And once you break that, you're never able to. to get it reinstated.

And I didn't know that. I think that there had been some talk about that. The judge was like, okay, you know what you're doing. You know the severity. And I'm like, yeah, I know what I'm doing. Like, I'm trying to break this so that I can go see. But I wasn't comprehending that I could never get a no contact order again. Clearly going to make that clear to you.

Yeah, yeah. Like, please let me know that I will never, ever get this level of protection again. Right. And so, yeah, I just, I was curious. And so many people will say, how could you? How could you go do that? Like, first of all, that's terrifying, which it was. Like, going into prison to face her was.

But, like, you also have to realize it's your mom. And, like, you have this biology. If it had been some random perpetrator, I don't think I ever would have done that. But all that I knew of her before this was that she was my best friend. And then I was completely cut off and not able to have any contact. So I just had, I wanted to face her. I wanted to have those questions for myself. And I don't think I really ever got the answers that I was looking for.

The blame has always been shifted. It's always been everybody else. It's always been the drugs. It's always been some sort of explanation other than it was, you know, me. I screwed up. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And of course there's I'm sorry's and there's tears.

and that looks good to maybe the outsiders, you know, like, oh, well, I did say sorry. I have cried. We have, like, had these hugs and these emotional moments. But when I'm sorry is not backed up with a lifetime of changed behavior, it means nothing to me. And so that has been a consistent theme throughout the rest of my adulthood is after that moment, there was continued abuse. There was continued emails that she would send me telling me that I'm cold and callous and how could I have been, how did I turn out this way?

And there would be these, oh, I love you so much. You're so amazing. You're so beautiful. How did you turn out this way? And then you're horrible. Can you believe what I went through and all the abuse that I endured in my life? And up and down and it's like, are you not seeing that you did this to me? and what I endured because of you and having to grow up not only without a mom, but with a mom that's

in prison because she was my perpetrator. So I think that just showed her level of insanity to me, and she doesn't believe that she has a mental illness. She thinks that she's perfectly healthy, and she's fine, and it was a drug-induced psychosis, and that's how she lives her life. And it shows in her behaviors, and then the multiple-relework. relationships that she has that have turned out catastrophically bad. And it's just not, yeah, it's not, it's not healthy for me. It's not healthy for my family. I will do everything to protect, you know, my family from that. And that's why I had to go back in 2020 for a no contact order, which I was only able to get for about a year. They wouldn't give me any longer.

So is that the same thing? Because I'm not familiar with a restraining order? Yeah. Just the same. Okay, it's just a different name kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For only one year? Yeah. So typically in small towns, it like works in your favor if you have the same judges on the docket because they have seen the name. They know the case. They know what has happened before. And that's primarily been a lot of what had happened to me. When I got emancipated at 17, I was, you know, people knew. The judge knew who my mom was. They knew kind of what I had been through. And that worked in my favor. However, when I went back for the no contact order, we had a new judge on the docket and it was COVID. So we had to do court on our phones. Like I wasn't even able to appear. And so that was like my mom's like showtime. It was like her, if you know a narcissist, like they love to be in front of the camera. They love to have the spotlight on them. And they think that anything that revolves around them, yes, is like their, I don't know, their time to shine. And that's exactly what this was at the first. this point she had moved to Idaho. I was still living in Washington. I was in Port

Angeles at the time. And it was like her time to show the judge how amazing she was, how good she was doing, and how unwell she thinks I was. She told the judge that I was obsessed with her. And then I moved back to her hometown because I wanted to be her, which is wild because like, you're my mom, you made that my hometown. Like my entire family. That's just how it goes. Yeah. You just happen to be there. Yeah. Unfortunately. My entire family lives there. And I'm not like, it's like she totally flipped the script of like projection of everything she feels towards me towards her. Like she has always been obsessed with me. She, when she was on house arrest, she had a complete room of just my stuff. My bedding, my everything, my pictures. There was no pictures of my other siblings. It was just me. It was like a McKenna shrine. And I saw it because I went and visited my grandpa. And that's where she was living during house arrest. So once she was. was in prison, he just left that room the way it was. So you walk in and you're like, okay, but I'm obsessed with you. No, it's the other way around. But for years, like, that's her mentality is like,

it's everybody else. So having that experience with the court was really frustrating because I felt like I was pleading like, okay, she was even trying to say like, oh, she hasn't, she can't graduate college, it's been five years. It's like, okay, well, I have to put myself through college. I have to pay for everything. I have to work because I don't have parents who are helping to support me. So yeah, yeah, it's taking me a little bit longer. Who was in jail for nine years? Like that's like, yeah. Oh, I'm glad that you got your, your, um, your degree while you were in jail paid for by the taxpayers money, but like, no, I actually had to pay for my own. So it took me a a little bit longer. And I had to like, audacity is, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. So it's, it's, it's,

There's things like that where I think I get really nervous as a survivor and I was so nervous for so long to share my story because I was made to feel like I was crazy. Like I was the one that was something was wrong with me. And I think I felt that way from both my mom and my dad and like trying to just figure out life aside from survival. And now that I've like finally started to speak out, it's like, I just hope that other people can see like you're not crazy or not like you aren't defined by the worst thing that's ever happened to you. And even if these like crazy things are going on, like whatever that looks like you aren't those things. And I think that's why I wanted to fight for the no contact order. Why I wanted to like keep facing her because I wanted to finally speak up and like, reclaim my own power. Like, you're so powerless for so long that I wanted to be like, you know what, I don't care if I'm the only one crying in front of this judge and like, I'm deeply affected by this. Like, you are no longer allowed to like hurt me, abuse me, like, attack me anymore. And so even though it was only a year, I felt like it was kind of a victory.

It's like, you can say what you want about me, but I'm still not going to back down and like be afraid of you. And so, yeah, I tried to go back after that. year and get it reinstated but I was somehow supposed to serve her and I didn't know where she lived and so I just have let it go null and void at this point but I think that there was enough of the point across that like I wasn't going to go down without a fight and like I will protect myself and my family at any cost so I haven't yeah I've had some like fake accounts reach out to me and like weird things go on and cyberstalking and things like that that still happened. I was walking in my hometown just visiting and she was parked just watching me walk,

which was crazy. And that's when I started to realize like I should never post my location on social media because like that's very real. It's just my brain doesn't like work like that. My brain's not evil. It shouldn't have to. Yeah. It shouldn't have to.

Yeah. And it's because of her. Yeah. She psychologically manipulated you. it abused you. Yes. And physically. Yeah. For so long. Yeah. Like it's, it's hard to make your brain do that because you're clearly not like that. Yeah. So I just, it's, yeah. And I'm, that is a victory. Like that's, you finally got validation and she can see that other people believe you and not her. Yeah. She's liar. Yeah. And yeah, I can imagine how that feels. It's just like, you know what? That's good. It's like,

you don't need to be in my life anymore. So she just, she's just totally cut off now. Yeah. She's, yeah. I have her completely cut off. People ask all the time on my social media, like, do you think she can see this? Like, absolutely she can. I sure. You can't, like, you can only block so many accounts. Like, when you have a following now, like, I can't vet that. I don't, you can like, oh, block this person in any accounts that they may create, but you never know.

So I'm sure that she has seen it. You know, obviously my family lives in a small town. Like, there's talk of things of her not being happy. I had somebody comment on my video that was in prison with her at the time. And they reached out and they're like, no, I heard a completely different story. So I know that there are people out there who are still manipulated by her and you still fully believe whatever story she's telling about her being the victim and her being a savior. But I'm going to keep sharing my voice because she's not that. And I can't believe that people, like, people let children be around, like her be around children.

I think that that is the most, like, absolutely disgusting. Having a child now, like, when they placed my daughter on my chest, I felt like I finally understood, I finally understood that I will never understand. Like, I, that protection that you have as a mom, that love that you have for your child, like, I felt deep love for my sister and protection. I felt deep love and protection for the people around me. But like for your own child, it makes me even more removed from her. And like any of those fears that I had like, oh, I'm scared.

I'm going to be crazy like my mom. Like I'm scared that like what if this is like passed down or anything? All those went away when I felt that feeling for my daughter because I knew I am so far from that person. And I will do anything in my being to protect. my children and from ever having to be exposed to anything I was and breaking that cycle because I will never let anything like that happen to my children. I'm so glad that's such a relief because yeah I can't even I can't even imagine how you just have to think about it all the time and it's like you know we all don't want

to become our moms or whatever. Yeah yeah yeah right. I don't know what I mean, but like to the nth degree. Yeah. And I mean, that's just so wonderful that you're able to experience that now and just know that it's, it's interesting at one point in your life, probably you a lot earlier than most people, but you just realize your parents are just people. Yeah. And in this case, extremely flawed. Yeah.

And wrong. And it's, I imagine it's extremely hard to cope with. Like, it's like, well, that shouldn't have happened. So, and I mean, it seems. like you've come to terms with as much as you can and you're doing your due diligence and going through everything and being a victim advocate, which is so wonderful. Because I feel like, even if somebody hasn't experienced their parent trying to kill them, there are so many aspects of your story that so many people can relate to, even I can relate to little beats and pieces of it.

So it's, thank you so much for telling your story because it does make a difference. So it's, thank you so much for saying that, saying the whole story. Yes, yes, of course. I appreciate it. And now, what are you working on now? Yeah. So I, since becoming a mom, like I said, like I feel like I have a whole new purpose to share my story and to be an advocate for those. Like you said, so many people, even if it hasn't been the exact same story, they find themselves in my story.

And I think that that's kind of just what surviving trauma or surviving life is all about. like we all go through hard seasons and whatever somebody's trauma is it's their trauma it's the hardest thing that they've lived through and so that doesn't have to be a murder victim or like you know a victim of attempted murder or whatever it is like if you've experienced you know a blended family or like you know divorce or you know anything like that like you can find yourself in that so that's why i started sharing i just i think stories heal and that's what i want to continue to do on my page and to share also just the hope that you can create a life after trauma you aren't defined by the worst thing that's ever happened to you like we can break the cycle I want to show that

with my family and like things finding joy outside of that because when you're stuck in survival for so long like okay yes I survived this but like I also feel like I've still been surviving like my whole adulthood so like how do I find like joy again like what do what does that look like So that's what I've been doing. I also started a company called Unbound Legacy, and it's just apparel that meets purpose. And so that's like one of my hats that I'm wearing is Hard Thought Hallelujah. This is just like my very first small little launch. But we're going to launch a few drops here in the next couple of weeks.

So be on the lookout for that if you go follow Unbound Legacy Co. And yeah, just following along on my story. in my journey. I have a documentary and process. I can't hear much about that, but that's going to be amazing. And I just, I hope that it inspires other people to find that courage to share their story as well. Yeah, absolutely. And just recognize these things too, because when you're in it, I feel like it's really hard to recognize it, especially when you're a kid, but even when you're a teenager or in your early 20s or in a toxic relationship or something like that. Yes. Like what you're saying is just like, oh, I actually, actually, my partner did do that.

or my mom does do that. It's like, oh, that's not good. And I actually deserve different. And when people are inside of it, it's really hard to see. So I think it's extremely helpful, just in so many ways. Yeah. Yeah. And I think there was a stigma for so long. Even people like in my family of, you know, okay, that happened to you. But if you keep talking about it, you're playing the victim. It's like, no, you're a survivor. And so we can use our voice for a really good and powerful way. And just like you said, like if we, if we, if if we don't talk about it and we just shove it under the rug and we pretend like we're not actually healing. And even my therapist said, like, you keep that in your body. Like, it stays trapped in there.

And your nervous system does wild things when your body holds on to those things. And so, yeah, just just talking about it, sharing, seeing your own patterns and like how trauma manifests itself, like even, yeah, finding partners or relationships after trauma. Like, you're going to seek those things in other people if you don't identify it. and then call it out and change that so that you don't repeat those patterns and that we can actually truly break those cycles because that's that's how revival starts. That's how we all heal and we don't keep perpetuating that in the in the future. Well, I'm so glad that you found somebody that is hopefully your safe space. Yes. And you have a beautiful daughter. Yes.

And a bonus son. Yes. Which is so wonderful. So thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it. And be sure to please go follow her, go look at everything she's doing. I'll make sure to put everything down the description and on screen and everything. Yes. But thank you so much. Yes, of course. Awesome. This is perfect.

Thank you so much. Yes, of course. Wonderful. Okay, hopefully I didn't ping pong too much. No, not at all. No. No.