Criminal - Please Continue (Criminal+)

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

Today, an unlocked episode of Criminal Plus that's full of exciting updates, public service announcements, and Tom Cruise's teeth. If you enjoyed listening to today's Criminal Plus episode and you'd like to hear more - ⁠⁠join us on Patreon⁠⁠. It's the very best way to support our work here at Criminal. You'll have access to these special episodes with Phoebe and Lauren, plus ad-free listening, behind-the-scenes videos with Phoebe and Criminal producers, chat rooms, live events, and more. Thank you very much. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, it's Phoebe. Today we're sharing the latest episode of Criminal Plus with all of you. This is the show I make, along with Criminal co-creator, Lauren Spore, and it's pretty different from Criminal, as you'll hear when you listen. We talk about everything from our favorite items at Costco, to short stories, to moisturizer. Lauren hates when I say that, but it's true. There's some exciting announcements in this episode, so we decided that we wanted to share it with all of you. And if you want to keep listening to more of these types of episodes, you can get them by becoming a criminal plus member. Sign up at patreon.com slash criminal. We're trying to get a thousand new members by the end of September. Thanks for helping us get there.

Now, here's the show. Welcome to Criminal Plus. I'm Phoebe Judge. I'm Lawrence Moore. Live. I'm not going to talk about that story, though, that you have going on over there. Welcome to Criminal Plus. Here we are. Lauren and I are sitting next to each other in my studio. It's pouring rain outside. It has been for two days. But we've pulled in a dining room chair and we've got you all set up, Lauren. How does it feel? It's really great. What a great space you have. You've been here once before, but I remember we recorded an episode in here and I quoted from a Franco Herop poem and then I was embarrassed. And then it worked out because the file was unusable in some other technical way. So I was saved. But now you're here.

I'm here. You're looking exactly, this is what I look at all the time. Great. Lauren has been here visiting me for the past week. We've had some peaks and valleys. We've had some good weather and we've had some bad weather. But Lauren, overall, what do you think? Great.

I mean, early this morning, we were in a pond. It was freezing, raining. We did it. We went to a hidden pond this morning at 745. We had to move a fallen down tree. that it was blocking the dirt road path. We pushed it out of the way and had a great swim this morning.

We've been trying to swim every day. And, you know, Lauren, overall... Great, a great trip. You drove here. Well, I drove... I'm on an east... My partner and I are on an East Coast road trip. Stopping in Washington, D.C.,

yes. New York City. Yes. And now you're here visiting me in Massachusetts. Well, I just really want to talk about what I want to talk about. I didn't want to talk about this on Saturday when you got here. Well, I...

One time recently, Phoebe said to me, can you imagine sitting down on a public restroom toilet seat? And I thought to myself, yes. And then because I've been at so many rest stops during this driving trip, I did the research. And I just thought, Phoebe, you should know and the listener should know that it is perfectly fine to sit down. Use your eyes and make sure it's clean, but it's perfectly fine to sit down. And here's this. Lining the toilet seat with toilet paper does nothing. The toilet paper is porous.

It does not help you. Hovering is not good for your body. Don't hover. If you'd like to wipe the seat, do it with something that you bring, like a sanitizing wipe. But the quote from the expert in the BBC is that the risk of contracting any kind of disease from sitting down is, quote, vanishingly low. Okay. that part over with. But there are risks to be had in a public restroom. Number one, don't touch the flush handle with your hand. I never do. I use my foot. Don't touch the door handle. Don't touch

the, like the risk is everything your hand touches, which I thought was pretty interesting. And that hand sanitizer isn't good enough in a lot of cases. So using toilet paper to open and close a door handle or turn on or off a faucet might be worth it. And when you're home or at a guest, house or in a place that has a lid, it's imperative that you close the lid before you flush. And don't bring your phone into the bathroom under any circumstances. Your phone is disgusting. All right. Are we done with that topic? Yeah, I mean, I think that that would be surprising to a lot of people, and I think it was surprising to you. What you see is embarrassing, I think could be public service. We're a little delayed in taping today because I was having an interview earlier today with a man, this is for an episode of love. And I was having a wonderful conversation with him.

And I got a text message about 45 minutes into the interview. The phone, and I don't usually have my phone. I mean, I'm not on my phone, but my phone was kind of by right here, right here, by the dust. And it kept going off from Sarah inside, multiple. And I said, well, I have to just look and see what's going on. And it was all capitals. Basement is flooding. Not is flooded.

Is flooding. Active. And I thought, first off, you know, well, there's so many things plugged in. You were just down there. Electronics, all different sorts, peloton's. You can't get down there. What about electricity? You know, electrocution.

And so I said, what do we do in the middle of the interview? I didn't know what to do. And then all of a sudden, middle of the interview, Internet out, completely out. Gone, done. Lena Silicent. I couldn't even tell Lena Silicin because of the Wi-Fi that, you know, I was gone. So I go downstairs There is water up to my knee

And we don't know what to do When I'm thinking about electric This just happened two hours ago We were supposed to have lunch together But I was in the basement And there is something that we have That I did not know we have Do you know what this word is when I say it to you?

Shop back No What? Sump pump Yes I have one too We had a sum pump God knows how

We had a sum pump And we got that thing rigged up And what happened is our water tank exploded, just rushing water completely out. It's fixed now. You know, nice to have very good neighbors to help. But I've been with a broom for the past two hours just pushing disgusting, dirty water from the basement towards the sump pump. And the basement is now drying. And it's freezing cold.

And my toe is broken. And you have another injury. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. You know, for me, Lauren feels differently. For me, in the summer, I don't wear shoes often. And I had a problem 10 days ago. I was running through the sand with no shoes on. And I was going very quickly, 42-year-old woman sprinting through the sand. And I hit with my toe a root, a stump underneath the sand. And I immediately knew something very bad had happened, confirmed, very broken. And for someone like me, it's hard to have that going on because I don't know what to do. I don't know how, you know, it's hard to not be active. And it's hard to wear shoes, you know, because in the summer.

But in the summer, that's what happens. You have scratches. You have broken toes. Things just happen. You're outside a lot. You are now kind of experience. You've been here for a week. And you've gotten yourself a little beat up in just a week's time.

I have a lot of bug bites, a lot. She is massive welts on her legs from bugs. But, you know what? It's summer. I will say that it's been a week with no air conditioning for me now. and I think my skin looks better. And isn't it nice to have the wind come in? Oh, yeah, it's great.

The blowing rain was something different, but... You've also eaten some pretty interesting food, and I've been introducing you to new things here. Like what? You're having one right now. Oh, yes, orange dry. This is a wonderful drink. It's polar.

They make seltzer, and they also make a drink. You can get it here in Massachusetts called polar dry. This is the diet. Your review? It tastes great. It tastes like orange soda. Completely. It says on the can that Prohibition made polar beverages dry, but it was Boss Crowley who made it sparkle. Over 100 years later, you can still enjoy the same great taste. So what did polar used to not be?

I think polar, I think a lot of companies that maybe made beer or other things became, you know, dry. So like they had to now, they couldn't make beer, so what were they going to make? They had to make soda pops. Someone just told me that it's the rates of alcohol consumption are the lowest they've been since prohibition. I think drinking's out. My niece went to a bonfire the other night. And in the old days, I think you would be concerned about a teenager. You might say, don't drink anything. You know, you might say, if anyone's drinking anything, make sure you don't have anything to drink.

But it's like, no, kids don't really see. Smoking is back, drinking is out. I did hear about someone, though, who is addicted to cratum. What's that? Cratum. I'm not sure, but it's legal. Is it like a synthetic marijuana? Yeah, I don't think it's synthetic.

I don't actually know. But there's other things out there. I'm looking to my left, and all I see is a list that Lauren has, that I have no idea what all of these words mean. But would you like to tell me what you've got going on over there? Well, I thought we should talk about the eBay stalking. story. Have you read it? No. Big news in the eBay stalking story. I don't think, but what is the eBay stalking story? Well, I'd love to tell you. And I think we should also think about it as a TV show and cast it. But basically two e-commerce bloggers, Ina and David Steiner, in the state of

Massachusetts, they have a long-running blog, and they started off just sort of doing general e-commerce news. And then over time, their blog became more focused to help people who are selling things on eBay specifically. And so they would blog about changes to eBay's policies. And then often they would critique changes to eBay's policies. And eBay, including, I think at one point publishing that like the CEO of eBay earned more than 150 times that of the average employee or something, they managed to get under the skin of the CEO of eBay. And he texted another executive about INA Steiner, Take Her Down. And so then the executive who received this text message that said, take her down, went to the head of security at eBay.

And me reading this story, I'm like, oh, and they're going to bust the CEO for being inappropriate. No, the head of security then is like being the muscle, like being the bad guy. And they start this harassment campaign against the Steiner's. And being eBay, a lot of the harassment comes in the form of mailing packages to them. They mail them live cockroaches, live spiders. Wait, the higher-ups at eBay are... Yes. ...are harassing these e-commerce bloggers.

And so they mail her, they mail them a bloody pig mask, a funeral wreath, huge amounts of pizza. They send porn with the man's name on it to neighbor's houses. And then they also start harassing them in person. eBay employees flew from California to Boston so that they could physically vandalize the couple's house and stock their car and there were there were documented plans to break into their garage and put a GPS tracker on their car. And then the there's all these text messages like saying that the Steiner, that Ina Steiner, the woman is a biased troll who needs to be burned down and that they wanted to quote quote to see ashes and that they should do whatever it takes.

And then this is my favorite part. It culminated in a well. what they called a white knight strategy, which would mean another eBay employee comes forward and goes to the Steiner's and says, let me help you figure out who's doing this to you. And so eBay could in the end be the good guy and win their goodwill and like, quote unquote, unmask the person who was harassing them. Can you just see it as a movie? Anyway, there were a number of arrests. People did go to prison. When was this? I think it started in 2019. But then the Steiner's, filed a civil lawsuit against eBay and the outcome that was finally, finally reached a settlement last week. And in the end, the Steiner's got $56 million. That's not bad.

Isn't that just the craziest story? I just can't believe that who was the big wig who is directing the employees to do this? You were me to tell you his name? No, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And just to like.

To care enough. To become so petty. You and I have also been talking about the story here about the man who built, bought the house on the cliff. A man bought a house on a cliff very close to the ocean, to the bay, that's eroding, the sand. There's a lot of erosion going on. And so he bought this house. It was very close to the water, to the cliff. And people said it's really close.

He had a good deal on it. But it's really close. And it's going to keep eroding. And so, you know, last year or something, the town came and said, we have to demolish your house. It's no longer safe. The foundation is now so close to the edge, we've got to demolish your house. House gets demolished. He still has a mortgage on his house.

He is now refusing to pay the mortgage, saying he does not have to pay the mortgage because he was in a manic state. Clearly, he was in a manic state suffering to purpose. purchase a house that was so obviously unsafe and close to a cliff? Do you think that that's a argument? Did it work? I don't know. I didn't get that. Aren't you the one who sent me the article? No.

You didn't? I don't remember. I'm doing a lot of hitting send. I think, well, the question is not, is it real? It's did it work? That's right. Did it work? I don't know.

We could Google it. I think Tom Cruise should play the CEO with the deliose. with the delegate, the eBay CEO with delicate ego. Did you see Tom Cruise at the World Cup half-time show or intro to the World Cup, the final? No, I only saw a few celebrity photos from the World Cup. He was in this outfit, this kind of black pants, clearly with custom black T-shirt. It was a very, very interesting choice. Two things about Tom Cruise really stand out for me.

One, this is not fact-checked. before he was famous and got his teeth fixed, he had one middle tooth. Like, one of his two front teeth was perfectly in the center. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever seen a picture of it? Just look at a picture of it right now. And then the other thing is I just saw that his daughter just changed her name. He dropped the Cruz.

All these celebrity kids are dropping. Like Brad Pitt's kids dropped. Tom Cruise's teeth. Oh, is it this? No, that's when he had braces. Oh, this, this? Yes. Oh, no, that's not even at either.

That's got to be it, Lauren. What else could it be? That's like an advertising photo for a dental clinic in Turkey. Tom Cruise Middle Front Tooth, that's what I'm searching for. Yeah, see, look. Dead center. Oh, I see. Don't look at my teeth now.

If you were a celebrity, would you eat your teeth read out? I think I wouldn't. Do you think I need to? Well, I think they all do. Veneers. Yeah. They look at veneers. Well, someone who tries to stay away from the dentist as much as possible, I don't think I would choose to go in if I didn't need to.

I was thinking about that the other day when you were making fun of me for my neuroses, and then I was thinking that it was kind of elegant of me to not bring up the dentist in that moment. What was the neuroses about the other day? Private? What was it, actually? Was it the boundaries with your gigantic dog? So, Lauren and I, we've been here all week. We've been swimming.

We've had ice cream. We've, what else have we done? Swimming ice cream, a little bit of shopping, cooking. But when we haven't been doing that, we've been working together, mostly on the screened and porch, on a new project. Well, what would you say about it, Lauren? I don't, we're, I'm working. It's an experiment. It feels really good to be experimenting. it is a sort of live event where it would just be Phoebe. And instead of telling crime stories, like we normally do it. Like if you've never been to a live show, it's usually like six or seven visual heavy stories that have not been on the podcast before. And we try to make it move really fast and we're conscious of what it means to sort of be at a podcast listening event. But over the years, we've experimented more and more with putting more personal stuff from Phoebe. in there. And so we're thinking, like, what if it was just Phoebe telling some stories from her

life that we have definitely never shared before. But not only that, but sort of talking about how those experiences from her life have influenced her as the host of a crime show. Does that do it? Yeah. So that's like a really weird new thing for us. And I feel like I've had unfavorable opinions in the past about podcast hosts who make things about themselves and their reflections, and so we're trying to think, how can we do this very well, so that it feels really worth someone's time and attention. And it's not easy. And you need to feel comfortable, you know?

How are you feeling, are you thinking about it in the middle of the night? I am thinking about it in the middle of the night and wondering, but it's never stopped us before doing something new, and so we're trying something new, but it is very different for us. It's very different for us because the whole point of the, remember when we started criminal, the whole idea was let's have a show where the host gets out of the way, you know, doesn't have to comment, doesn't have to, oh, well, that reminds me of the time. Let me tell you what I think. And this is very different, you know, it's personal, so, but. But funny. Lauren keeps saying we need friendly audiences.

A warm, well, because I don't want you to be nervous. So I think if the audience is really, like when, even with regular live shows, if the audience is. stiff, you're stiff. And if the audience is drunk, you're happy. So that's what we need. Yeah, I mean, I think that they, you know, people have nightmares about this. People have nightmares about standing on the stage and telling a joke and no one laughs. And you're in the past and live shows. You've been up there, you know, and so. And I always laugh. You're always smiling. But we, but, you know, we were able to, you know, I'm able to look at you. And yes, it's just me talking, but I'm able to look at you and I'm with these are,

telling other people's stories. So the idea of being up there all alone and telling my own stories is, yeah, I mean, it's pretty. Well, we can, we'll come up with some parachutes so that if the audience hates it, you can just, like, pull the, and then you can just start telling fully canned Rodney Dangerfield jokes. We'll put them up on a teleprompter. Or we can just, like, cut out and put something on the screen behind you, like America's Funniest Home Videos, and you can just run away. Do you remember we did the live show and we had the very long video of Mark Rogers, the streaker in the Super Bowl? And it was just like so long. People wait so long to see what was going to happen. Yeah, we will let you know. We are finalizing it all right now.

And we'll let you know when the tickets are on sale and where. We're going to go all around the country. I've been asking Phoebe to watch. different stand-up specials that I love to sort of like observe the genre of one person talking or one person telling one big story but then lots of little side stories spun in. Well, I'm just going to remember what you've always said, the greatest compliment you've ever given me. Mistakes are charming. No. Two greatest comp-

Good to diving. I'm very good diver and... Go to animal photography. Yeah, the three best compliments you ever give me. diving, animal photography, and your favorite. I'm your favorite. And tilatas I've ever had. Are you doing it to be funny?

Well, it's not necessarily a compliment when I say you're my favorite storyteller. You are my favorite storyteller of all time, and I think these stories are going to be surprising. Anyway, so that's what we've been working on. We've been here bumming around, doing all the work for criminal and all the other shows, but also in our free time we've been trying to write this show. Do you think it's harder to record this sitting together than it is normally? I think it's actually fine. What do you think?

I feel like it's more... Stiff? Well, I'm very uncomfortable. Oh, that chair is a nightmare. And also, I'm looking at you on a screen even though you're right next to me. Would you like to switch chairs? No. You've got shorter legs than me, so I can't help too much.

I also have a broken toe. We got a very nice voicemail from someone named Gary. Can I play it for you? Hi, Phoebe and Lauren. This is Gary. I'm a long-time listener. Love you show. I'm going back and listening to the old ones and working my way back to current again.

And I'm on bonus number three, the other Phoebe judge. And I'm from New England. And I was shocked by Phoebe's dislike of the fall. I think every New Englander loves. knowing she's from Western Mass, even more so. So it was just a comment that took me, just like it took Lauren aback when she mentioned the autumnal time of year. I really got to chuckle out of that when she was asking her not to call it that.

But just the comment, no reply needed. But I love your show, both of us. so much. Bye. No, I just like the sound of his voice. Well, that's a real New England accent. That's a real Massachusetts accent. I like that he pronounced my name, too. That's a real Massachusetts accent. And I was thinking about that because it is freezing cold here today.

Well, we are... You would think it was late October. Well, we are now, we are firmly in the middle of summer. But I kept telling you that. You know, when you were... I've been up here and I was saying it's cold. You don't need air conditioning. And you've been here before, so this wasn't, you know...

I was freaking out about not having air conditioning. And it's been very cold. You're perfectly fine. Oh, should, we need to talk about George Saunders. Oh, okay. Time for the latest installment of Reading Club. We read a very short story, very, very short story by George Saunders. Called Styx.

Called Sticks. And we put the link in the Patreon, but if you Google it, you'll find it. It's extremely short. I thought I really enjoyed it. Did you read it? Yes, of course I read it. And? Well, it's a real Phoebe Judge type of story.

Why? I loved it. I loved it. And as someone, as you know, Lauren was here yesterday, as I unveiled my newest flag came yesterday, I got a new custom flag for my sister Chloe, for CHJ to fly on the pole. I loved hearing about the different outfits for the different types of occasions. I loved the different outfits for the different types of occasions. I loved the different. I loved the different. different stick families, you know, around the crosses and the, I love that. On the Patreon, Criminal Plus Reading Club channel, Catherine shared with everyone that if you like that story, George Saunders has a reading, his own reading club on Substack, if anyone's interested. So that's the type of community that we're building there. Chris said, Amazing how such a gifted writer can paint such a vivid story with so few words. I totally agree.

Helen says, I drive by a farm every weekend where the road curves sharply, and the farmer has a mannequin out that he dresses up right on the curve to keep people from speeding. That's a really good idea. She's very seasonal, which is outfit for Halloween, Yankees jersey for opening day, red and white and blue stars, and stripes for Independence Day. This weekend, she was back in her Santa suit for Christmas in July, makes me smile every time and slow down. Catherine said it was so evocative. Another Catherine said, I love the author's explanation of how the story. came to be. As someone with a frankly unhinged Christmas display each year, I wonder what folks imagine about me when they drive by. Did you read the description at the bottom of how?

Oh, I was just going to read it. Oh, great. So basically, if you haven't read the story, which you really should, it's two paragraphs long. It's story of a man, a kind of a gruff man, who dresses up these sticks in this front yard, depending on the holidays, depending on how he's feeling, and it kind of gets more deranged and otter as years go by. And when George Saunders published a piece in the contributors' notes in Story Magazine where it first came out, he said, For two years, I'd been driving past a house like the one in the story, imagining the owner as a man more joyful and self-possessed and less self-conscious than myself. Then one day I got sick of him and invented his opposite, and there was the story. So good.

So if you haven't read it yet, please go and read Sticks by George Saunders. It will take you two and a half minutes, and you will be very, very happy you did, and you'll be thinking about it all day. I was. We've been trying to get him to come on, This is Love for years, and talk about how he met his wife. I loved that, the swim in the pond, but the Russian in the rain, yeah. That's fantastic. I thought about that book this morning as we drove to swim in a pond in the rain. There's nothing better than swimming in a pond in the rain. I'm not going to lie. I was really having an internal tantrum on the way there.

It wasn't internal. It was external. It was really cold. And I just was like, it was like 8 a.m. It was freezing cold. And I just was like, there's nothing cowardly about wanting to be warm. That's what I was thinking to myself. And then when we got in the pond, I was like, oh, right.

Thank God I didn't miss out. You never regret a swim or a run. Who told you this? Who told you this, my mantra for life? Yeah, but where did it come from? From my head, Lauren. It's Phoebe Judge original. My whole life.

I've stayed true to that. Never regret a swim or a run. So, Lauren, we are here together in person. So we're announcing big news. We're announcing that we're working on this new live show. That's pretty big news. The other pretty big news is that finally we have decided to change the name of this show.

When we started Criminal Plus, it was Criminal Plus, and you got lots of things. You get ad-free listening. You get the live events. You get the chat rooms on Patreon. And you got this other show, which we just called Criminal Plus because it was the chat show in Criminal Plus.

But it doesn't really make that much sense. I mean, so we internally have said, oh, we've got to record Plus, but it's a little confusing. because there's this thing called Criminal Plus, but then there's this Lauren and Phoebe show, which is also called Criminal Plus. They know, because we've asked for their input.

And sometimes when people say, sometimes people refer to the C-plus episodes, which I always think is very funny. That's good, C-plus. Isn't it? Well, for a while we thought about asides, you know, because this really is that any of you listen to this show of no sort of show, pretty much just a bunch of asides.

But that didn't really seem exactly right either. And then listeners, you know, write in to us often. Thank you for doing it. Please keep writing in with all of your compliments, comments, complaints, and said, I think it's very funny when Lauren interrupts Phoebe or says something after Phoebe has said something, and Phoebe doesn't respond. Am I saying this correctly? I think it's like if I'm laughing and then you'll say, why are you laughing, or you get annoyed or something similar, and then I say, please continue.

So we've decided to call Criminal Plus, same show, here we are, but we're going to start calling this show, please continue. That's it. We're going to have a new tile for it. It's going to be a, well, it's a picture of us. A tile. That's not like a term everyone uses. What do you call it? A logo.

A logo? A little, little. This is the words that came into my head. iPod art. And we're going to just start calling this. So what would you say? I'm Phoebe Judge. Oh, no.

We have to redo the beginning. Not for all of it. Just try it up. I'm just that's just, I'm so nervous. Lauren. I'm Phoebe Judge. I'm Lauren Spore. Please continue.

It's not how it's got to be. I'm Phoebe Judge. I'm Lauren Spore. Lauren? Yes. Please continue. you're trying to make it into like a thing not a thing it's just like

I'm Phoebe Judge this is criminal I'm Phoebe Judge this is criminal I'm Phoebe Judge and this is love I'm Phoebe Judge this is just watering her plants

practicing I'm Phoebe Judge this is criminal I'm Phoebe Judge and this is love I'm Phoebe Judge please continue I'm Phoebe Judge

I'm Lawrence 4 Please continue. It doesn't work. I think you need to say, like, welcome to please continue. Or this is please continue. You're listening to Please Continue. We're the hosts of. Or we could make a little, like, we can make a little intro. I'm Phoebe Judge. I'm Lawrence Four. And this is Please Continue. That works. Okay. First time we just tried it out. First time ever. It has a little bit of the, like, SNL. Like when they make fun of public radio? Yeah, it has a little bit of that. Well, this could be a Saturday Live skit. Do you think, I think this could be a Saturday live skit about those two. But if we just have like a, like a, we get like someone to make one that's like, but, but, please continue. You know, that's like a digital, like the way the cartoon has an intro and then we don't have to say it.

What? Like beatboxing? Well, you know, just like a like a produced, a little produced intro. Let us know what you think about the name. It's going to be, well, it's pretty much set. So let us know your compliments about the new name. It's, please continue. What does Frazier say? I'm listening. I'm Dr. Frazier Crane. No, I'm listening as like his tagline. I don't know what the name of his show is.

I'm Phoebe Judge. I'm Lawrence For. This is Please Continue. Do you like that? And then do you want to say like a podcast about... What is it about? Another idea we had was to make it sort of about an apocalypse, make the title about the word, involving the word apocalypse, referring not only to a real apocalypse, but to a private personal apocalypse. Yeah. It's how to prepare for real apocalypse, personal apocalypse. Just the apocalypse of everyday life. Mental apocalypse. Just your one-stop shop for advice on how to flee from the tsunami, how to flee from

cancer thoughts at 4 a.m. How to break up with your therapist. How to break up with your therapist. Protect yourself from aging, the apocalypse of aging, you know? You'll get your recommendations right here. about what moisturizers were using. And the theme song could be Apocalypseo. Apocalypse Now.

What about that, you know, the apocalypse now, that famous? Yes. And then you just come flying at you like first aid kits, moisturizers, vitamins, lasers, airplanes. Speaking of laser, Phoebe. Pills. Your laser journey is working. I'm proud of you. Why?

Because you didn't want to talk about it for a long time. And now you're having, you've had some laser treatments and it's like made a huge difference in your redness. The way that you are concerned about my redness and have been. The first time I tried to talk to you about your red face was when we were in Iceland interviewing the prime minister. How long ago was that? No, well, we, that was when we were in the. Phoebe, we actually, I really actually want to talk to as your friend about your face. It's very, very red.

And you were offended. And so it just took a really long time for you to be open to taking action. Well, I am going back in two weeks to have another round. Oh, I thought you meant you were going to Iceland and I was like, say more. Lauren, should we do some things we've been enjoying lately in person? Yes. Anything you've been enjoying this week with me that you've been introduced to? Orange dry.

Yeah, you can use that one if you want. Something about being here, maybe because we've been outside so much, I've been so thirsty that getting little drinks and teas has felt like an extra special treat to me. You know that sort of desperate feeling you can get sometimes when you're away from home for a long time, where you're just like I'm so thirsty. I mean, do so many bottles of water constantly around me. Something I've really been enjoying lately is soft serve.

And I had already read that soft serve was taking over New York City. I had already heard that the hot trend is frozen Greek yogurt. Who ever had that? No. But I didn't have any of that, but I did see a lot of. of it in New York. And so, and I also heard that soft serve is the new meetup for a drink after work. And so I went, I had soft serve on the Upper East Side at Butterfield Market. I waited in a super long line to get it. It was very expensive. I got coffee soft serve with no toppings.

I thought I'd be proud of that. Actually, that's not true. It had Oreo cookies, I forgot. But the way they do it is they do some soft serve toppings. And then, more soft serve on top. So you don't see the toppings. So you look like you kept it together, even though you do have hidden toppings. It was great. And then I had more coffee soft served today. And it's wonderful. The first thing that I've been enjoying lately, which is a really odd thing for me to say, but this came into my house last week. And it's a Trader Joe's product that I had not heard about. And when I saw it in the refrigerator, my niece requested this, I thought, Alex, what is going on here?

Have you heard about this trend? They make something called protein pancakes. It's 22. They're pre-made from Trader Joe's. Yes, I've already been down this road. In this little stack. It's more like a crepe than a pancake. And I thought,

but I, we didn't have anything here. We don't have a microwave here. So everything goes in the oven. I heated it up, and I wasn't expecting to like them at all. Fantastic. Fantastic.

Protein. become like five, so you eat the whole pack. You heat them up. You could have it with Greek yogurt and berries, which I've been doing. And it's a wonderful treat, frozen sec, no, not refrigerated section in Trader Joe's, protein pancakes. And apparently, they're, they're sell out a lot. So if you find them, buy yourself a few packs. I think they're probably about $3 a pack. I'm ready to do the Trader Joe's episode, because I've actually been going. I know. Let's do it. And some of the things I've been getting have not been very good. And the disappointment is noticeable.

Like my expectations for Trader Joe's apparently are very high. Because when something's just fine, I feel pretty disappointed. So we should go. I thought about your niece's interest in protein, so I almost bought her a protein drink. Proteins, it's basically protein seltzer. Have you seen this? I have, yeah. And it had 200 milligrams of caffeine.

That's the problem. And I was like, well, I'm not. going to buy this for an adolescent, but like, yeah, just that's, so not only are we putting protein in the seltzer, but we're putting 200 milligrams of caffeine. What's something else you've been enjoying? I think that's as far as I got. Good. This is, this is on the fly. How about fresh-picked blueberries? That's pretty good. It's blueberry season here, and wild blueberries, and if you're lucky, you have a new. You have a new, neighbor or someone who has blueberry bushes and lots of them, and they invite you to come and

pick blueberries, which we are lucky enough to have. So we have been picking a lot of blueberries, and you came to the house the other day, and there was a gigantic jug of wild blueberries that had just been picked, and they are very different. Yeah, they're very small, but they're wonderful. And you have been rather cautious lately about eating berries, and such because I eat a salad today. That's the first salad I've eaten. No, no, no. I remember I made you, but I remember the first night you were here, I made all out of my garden, the tomatoes and the cucumbers and the beans. It was all from my garden. Yeah, it was beautiful. And you didn't have to worry. Yeah, but I haven't had a normal salad in weeks. So wild blueberries, you're number two.

Mm-hmm. Or fresh-picked blueberries. What's yours? The second thing I've been enjoying lately is the thing that I wanted to say last time, but I forgot walkie-talkies. Have you done this before? Have I done Wauky Tocke. I can't remember. It's fine. Go on. So this was for children who have Wokie Tockeys that I wear one and, you know, I wear it on my shirt. And so then at any moment they can talk and, you know, give updates or things like that. But I would like to just make an argument for Wokie Tockeys for adults.

There's something so great about one, the lingo, 10-4, over and out. Copy. Copy. Knowing the right lingo, but also just you have to be smart about it. You can't just drone on. You know, even in text messages, text messages used to just have to type, and so it felt like it was a short message, right? Be home in five. Now, text messages, you can talk your voice text, and so you can just drone on about nonsense.

Do you know what I'm saying? sometimes you'll send me a text message as a voice recording and it's just long. Just droning on. No, no, but you know what I'm saying? There was an inherent kind of directness about a text message I think now has been lost. With a walkie-talkie, you need to be very to the point

and I have just, I think they're fantastic. Do you need to be to the point or it's just like part of the genre? Well, because the other person, you know, could be good for couples therapy because the other person can't talk or interrupt until the one person's finish. Oh, that's so good. I heard that Orna from couples therapy charges $700. From what? Orna. The woman on couples therapy. I don't know what that is. The show. I don't know what that is. What? I don't. I've never seen it. I don't know. Okay. Well, that are mine. Withdrawn. So, yeah, walkie-talkies. And for any of you shrinks out there, couples therapists, please.

give me credit when you try out walkie-talkies for couples having trouble with communication. This is embarrassing. I've done this one before, but I'm going to say my number three is New York City. I hadn't been in a minute, and I had so much fun. I went to the Guggenheim and walked around, and I ate an incredible piece of pizza, and it just, I don't know why I find it so relaxing, even in the middle of the summer. And after living in the suburbs for quite a while now, when I go back, I just feel impressed. It just like works.

Like people just know how to walk in a small space together. People just like know how to, there can be like a line in a bagel place with 70 people in it and it moves very quickly and everyone shares the space. Like it's, there's something symphonic about it for me. And I had a great time. Can't wait to go back. The third thing I've been enjoying lately is watching

People set up tents and house little living, you know, set up their tents in the forest with their little blow-up beds and blow-up couches and their little wood stove. Where are you seeing this? Instagram. Reels. I've been loving it. When I was the little girl, I always used to set up this little playhouse. and then I would take it right back down,

but I would set it up in the middle of the living room, and I'd make my own little space in there, and I love to be in there. And I just, I don't know how they found me, these videos, but I watch them, and I love, you know, they unload the tent, and then they set the tent up, and the little things, a little rug, and the little wood stove, and they're nice and warm, and it's horrible outside.

That's something I've been enjoying lately. If you were going to become a type of Instagram influencer, what would you pick? What do you think I could be? I just read an article that said that the bar is being raised, But it used to be you could become an influencer just by posting like you in your attractive yoga outfit drinking a matcha, but now people want more. So I think you have to have a skill or a point of view of some kind that people need. I don't know if anything about me is made out to be an influencer in any way.

You know, like what would I? I could show you pawns. That would work. I got really deep on someone's channel the other day where the question was, is this rock thirsty? and then they put a wet sponge on a rock and watch to see how fast the water soaked it up and you might think like that's idiotic but being here I pick up a beautiful shiny black rock

out of the water and I carry it in my pocket and I take it out of my pocket and it's just a regular ass rock. It was only because it was wet that it looked so special. Do you know if there are rock tumblers? Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying like you could build a whole influence thing

just by off something so niche. I know I should find something. People like that. I think you need to give 8 a voice. Practice different funny voices you could do for 8, and then you do videos from 8's point of view. We put a GoPro on 8's head. Give 8 a voice.

I think there's a... What's the voice? I'm not sure what the voice is. Can it be my voice? No, Phoebe. God, give it a funny voice. Don't make 8 have Phoebe voice. What do you think 8's voice really sounds like?

Tony Soprano. That's what her voice sounds like. I think it sounds kind of like Chloe's voice. Ooh, like Raspie Smoker? Well, something I could get into from the influencer standpoint would be tidying. And there is a big market for watching people tidy up a space. And when I think about the emotional labor of setting up a camera and then editing a video, there's almost nothing that would make it worth it to me.

And that's all I think when I watch influencers. Whenever I watch a video of anyone on Instagram doing anything, all I think about them is setting up the camera and editing the video. And I just think like this is, what are you doing? I'm showing you something that I think could be the next thing that I could do. I think this seems... Oh, scrimshaw kit. This is my scrimshaw kit.

Remember I've told you by doing scrimshaw? And this is my kit. This is my pocket knife. And then I will... I'm scrimshawing a hair. Do you see this hair? I'm making this hair and I'm doing a scrimshaw on my pocket.

How long do you think that will take you? Well, I'm chipping away at it every once in a while, but it's right here. Well, you could do a different old-fashioned craft every few months. Do you want to see a magic trick since you're here? Yes. I probably have a couple of tricks in one of these pockets. I always have a deck of cards around. Is that a card from my mom?

This is a card from your mother. I was like, I know that handwriting any. This is a card from your mother writing to me thanking me for the donation I made when your grandmother died to the hospice. Speaking of a hospice. This is too. Are you actually going to tell this wild coincidence while I find a deck of cards? In the last second to last episode of Criminal, the comfort kit, the memory care facility was my grandmother's memory care facility and my grandmother was there at the same time. and so was my aunt and my uncle

in Evans, Georgia. We did not know that. This is my Sanotype. I can't stop thinking about all the times I visited my grandmother and wondering if Rachel was also there and thinking I think I would have noticed because I almost never saw younger people there. And when I did, sometimes I would try to be like, hey,

I'll try to be my deck of cards. Well, I guess I'll help me for next time. Okay. Well, thank you very much for listening. I have a couple requests. Number one, next, reading. Club. We are taking suggestions. Number two, if there is a one person performance that you have seen that you find interesting and provocative, send it to us so we can include it in our studies.

Please, please, please. Thank you all very much for listening and for watching. We will be back too soon. If you have any thoughts for us, we're at hello at this iscriminal.com. 8338227850. Lauren Spores on Instagram and I'm Phoebe.judge, we love to hear from you. So thank you again for listening and we'll talk to you soon. Bye bye. Bye. And then you say, please continue.