Criminal - Rochester, 1991

Episode Date: March 17, 2017

Kim Dadou says she wishes she had a nickel for every person who has asked why she didn't leave her abusive boyfriend Darnell Sanders. The two dated for four years and Darnell Sanders was routinely violent. But in the middle of the night on December 17th, 1991, Kim Dadou’s entire life changed. This episode contains descriptions of physical violence against women. It may not be suitable for everyone. Please use discretion. Say hello on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Sign up for our occasional newsletter, The Accomplice. Follow the show and review us on Apple Podcasts: iTunes.com/CriminalShow. We also make This is Love and Phoebe Reads a Mystery. Artwork by Julienne Alexander. Check out our online shop.  Episode transcripts are posted on our website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It may not be suitable for everyone. Please use discretion. Well, actually, I knew Darnell from high school. We had the same art class together, and he was very, very handsome. I always thought he was a cutie. And he would meet me at my locker, and we used to do silly things like hold hands under the art table and just dumb stuff, even though we were never going to go out together. This is Kim Dadu. She was a freshman in high school in Rochester, New York, when she met

Darnell Sanders in 1981. She liked him. She says everyone liked him. But he was a couple years older, and she would never go out with him. And after high school, we lost touch. Kim graduated, got a job, and as she puts it, got married way too young. It didn't work out. They split up. She moved out and got on with her life. I was your typical big-hair 80s girl. I loved 80s music. I worked. I worked at Rochester General Hospital.

I worked at the United Cerebral Palsy Association. I was just your average young woman in her 20s, in the 80s. And then, one day she bumped into Darnell Sanders. She hadn't seen him since high school. I went to court with a friend of mine one day. She was going to court, and I happened to go with her. And Darnell was right there in the courthouse. I hadn't seen him in years.

And he was right there. And I was like, oh my gosh, wow, it's been a long time. What was he doing in the courthouse? Apparently he had gotten into some physical altercation, so he said. He had told me he got jumped. So I didn't question him or anything like that. So, you know, we exchanged numbers. After two weeks, she started to think he was never going to call. And then he finally did. And we were inseparable from that day on.

What did he do for a living? Oh, he worked for the state hospital in Rochester. We have a state psychiatric center, and he worked there. And so I used to go to work with him at the state hospital, and we used to go into different buildings. And, I mean, we were young young and we were first, you know, a fresh relationship. And we used to seriously, I hate to say this, we used to have sex all over the state hospital, like everywhere we went. He just wanted to have sex. And I was like, okay,

you know, I thought this guy was really into me. I thought this was great. I thought that he was my Prince Charming. I said, holy crap, you know, I just got out of this horrible marriage. And here's Darnell, who he treats me like a princess. He had his homeboy chauffeur us around while he, I mean this may sound corny, but he like finger fed me shrimp in the back seat. And I don't know, I guess just being treated like a queen kind of felt good, you know? Just being chauffeured around and bought nice things and treated wonderfully and, you know, the passion. And I was just like, wow, maybe that, you know, I found my Prince Charming. This guy's great. After six months, Darnell asked him to marry him.

They drove to a park. He turned off the car and presented his grandmother's engagement ring. And I told him I couldn't marry him. They drove to a park. He turned off the car and presented his grandmother's engagement ring. And I told him I couldn't marry him. And he hit me, and he hit me so hard, my face bounced off the glass. What did he say after he hit you? That I shouldn't be leading him on. He thought that I was worthy. Apparently I'm not. So I remember always trying to stay really, really calm. And I was crying, you know, because I'm in shock and my face is burning and my head is hurting

and I said, could you please take me home? As calm as I could because I wanted to just jump out of the car and run screaming but I said, could you please take me home? And he took me home. Did he call you the next day or later that night? Of course. That night. That night. What are you doing? Can I come over? Let me come get you. And when he was nice, I was happy. Things were good. When things were good, things were really good.

But when things were bad, things were horrible. Kim says other people like to tell her what she should have done differently, starting that night in the car, what they would have done if they were her. But in the end, it was 12 jurors who determined the one thing she absolutely should not have done. I'm Phoebe Judge. This is Criminal. I tried to hide it for a long time. I mean, my sister, Janine,

she's not really my sister, but she was my friend that was like my sister. She was also in an abusive relationship. So we would sit at her kitchen table, and she'd have a black eye, and I'd have a busted lip, or we're all bruised up or whatever, and I'm saying, you should leave him. And she'd look at me and say, you should leave him. So it just went on. Kim had been seeing Darnell for about a year, the first time the police got involved.

They were all at her mother's house. Kim and Darnell were fighting. Kim was yelling. And her mother called the police. Kim says it was the first of many times the police were called. She repeatedly went to court to try to get restraining orders. Going to court was scary. Him lying to the people at court was scary.

Him making me look bad to the police and to the judge was scary. And embarrassing for you. It was, he said he didn't hit me. He said he didn't hit me. He said he didn't scare me. He said he didn't intimidate me or threaten me when he did. And we'd leave, and that night he'd show up at my house in the middle of the night because my mom worked nights. So he would just let himself in. And I would wake up, and he would be standing over me.

That happened a lot. That was pretty intimidating. That's pretty terrifying. Yeah, but, you know, then I would open my eyes and see the look on his face and be like, oh, it's okay. Or I'd open my eyes and see that look on his face and be like, oh, shit, here we go.

One time he beat me up. It was my birthday. And a guy... We stopped to get gas, and a guy we stopped to get gas and the guy I just happened to say it's my birthday and he was like well happy birthday and he gave me a couple pieces of gum it was the stupidest thing

a gas station attendant gave me a piece of gum for my birthday but Darnell was watching the whole thing from the car and when I got back I pumped the gas and when I got back in, I pumped the gas. And when I got back in the car, I knew he was pissed. And I handed him the piece of gum. And I said, here you go.

I said, he gave me this for my birthday. And he said, you think that's fucking cute, don't you? And I said, no, not at all. I said, I thought it was pretty dumb. He gave me a stick of gum for my birthday. And it was about, it was about a 15 minute ride from where we were to his job. And within that time, he had dislocated my right arm. Like, I don't... It was my elbow, my shoulder. I couldn't move it.

He twisted it up behind my back. And I was driving while all this was going on. And he kept telling me, you better not crash this car. And he proceeded to beat the hell out of me until I got him to his job. So, um, I dropped him off at the front door, and I drove right around to emergency.

And I said, um, I used to work here. I know that you guys put our names up on the board when we're new patients. I said, could you not put my name on the board? I said, the person that did this to me works here, and I don't want them to know I'm in emergency. I said, but I can't drive to another hospital right now. And they treated me, and they never put my name up on the board. By Thanksgiving of 1991,

it had been four and a half years since Kim and Darnell had started seeing each other. Kim says Darnell had been arrested for assault five times. On December 17th, Darnell asked if he could come talk to her. Kim was at her mother's house with her sister Wendy, who was nine months pregnant. Kim waited and waited. She thought he wasn't going to show. And then he showed up at about midnight. He pulled up outside the house and honked the horn.

I just threw on some boots and ran. It was snowing. I mean, it was December 17th in Rochester. We had snow. And my mom lived out by the lake, it was December 17th in Rochester. We had snow. And my mom lived out by the lake, so there was a lot of snow. And I ran outside to the car. And I got in the car,

and we started hugging and kissing, and everything was okay for a minute. And he said he needed some insurance papers and the air freshener. He was smoking base joints, you know, joints lined with cooked cocaine. So he was smoking base joints. I didn't do cocaine or smoke cocaine. I don't like cocaine. I don't like what it does to people. But I smoked weed. So I was like, you know, can I hit that? And he was like, oh, you don't want to hit this. And I smelled it, and I was like, oh, it has that shit in it.

I was like, you know, I wish you wouldn't smoke that. And he was like, oh, go get the air freshener, get my insurance papers, whatever. So I went in the house, and I got his stuff. I came back out. Kim says she got back into the car. Darnell wanted oral sex. She said no. And, you know, he had this motto, like, it's mine. If you don't give it to me, I'm going to take it.

And he meant it. And he was like, well, if you're not giving it to me, who are you giving it to? I'm like, come on, I'm not giving it to anybody. Stop. You know, we're in the car in front of my mom's house. Like, come on, we're outside. And he got mad. He hit me, accused me of lying to him. Say it again. I'll hit you again. You know, I told him, I said, I haven't been with anyone else. And he was like, lie to me again. Bam.

I had to. I was like, I haven't been with anyone else. I'm not lying. He hit me again. And I tried to get out the door. We had a car. It was like our car. He had a car. I had a car. And then we had our car. And we were in our car. We were in the Fifth Avenue. And we had power locks. It was a big deal to have power locks on our car. And I couldn't get out the door because of the damn power locks. And I turned, and there was no thing to lift, and I couldn't get out the door.

And he grabbed me, and he was like, this is it, bitch, this is it. And he started choking me. And he pushed my head down, like down below the dash, but he still had his hands around my neck. And he just kept saying, this is it, bitch, this is it. And his gun was under the seat. He always kept his gun under the seat.

And I grabbed it and I just wanted him to get off me. And the gun went off. Just went, and it stopped. And, I mean, the bucking, I thought the gun was misfiring. I had no idea what was going on. Like, I thought it was going to blow up in my hand. I didn't know. I was, you know, and I'm struggling, and then he let go of me. Kim says she managed to get the car door open. She fell into a snowbank and scrambled up the yard to her mother's door. Then I heard him scream, bitch, get back here. And I thought, oh God, he's going to kill me.

She ran into the house and locked herself in her room. Darnell drove away. And I thought to myself, oh my God, he's going to come back and kill me. I can't stay here. And I left. I told my sister, I got to go. He always told me, you never pull a gun on somebody without killing them, or they'll kill you. Kim drove to the house of a friend Darnell didn't know.

She says she stayed up all night watching the news. For some reason, thinking that I was going to see something, or I didn't know if I had shot him, if I didn't shoot him, if he was looking for me. Now I'm wondering, are the police looking for me? You know, my mom's neighborhood's really, really quiet, really, really suburban. You know, I don't know what's going on. So I'm just at my friend's house hiding. The next night, on December 18th, Kim says she went back to her mother's house.

And when I walked in, my mom and my sister were sitting in the living room. And when I walked in, they just looked at me. And I was like, what's going on? And Wendy said, tell her. Tell her. And my mom said, you tell her. And Wendy said, Darnell's dead. And I said, what?

And she said, Darnell is dead. She said, his family wants you to call them. She said, his sister wants you to call them. And I'm like, oh, my God, what happened? And Wendy said, they said he died in a car accident. According to the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, on the morning of December 18th, police received a call from a woman who lived around the corner from Kim's mother.

A 1982 Chrysler had crashed into her living room sometime during the night. The woman said she'd heard a noise, but assumed her cat had knocked over a chair. She didn't go downstairs. When police arrived, they found the car, but not the driver. After hours of searching, they found Darnell Sanders' body, frozen beneath a pile of snow. The next morning, officers showed up at Kim's mother's house. And they said, um, Kim and I said, yeah. They said, um, you have Fifth Avenue, blah, blah, blah.

I said, yeah. They said, well, it was involved in a car accident last night. We need you to come identify the car. When Kim got to the police station, she was informed that the medical examiner discovered six bullet wounds in Darnell's stomach and chest. His death was not being investigated as a car accident, but as a homicide. And I'm like, oh my God. I'm thinking in my head, oh my God.

But you knew the gun had gone off inside the car. Yes, I did. I mean, I've never shot anyone before, but in the movies or, you know, you shoot somebody, they fall down dead. They don't drive away screaming, bitch, get back here. They don't, they don't, they don't. Kim says the police questioned her for hours, and then, without a lawyer, she gave an eight-page statement. In the statement, which we got a copy of from the Monroe County clerk, Kim told officers that Darnell was crushing her throat, and quote, I made the decision to go for the gun, and when I reached for it, it was there. And they charged you with Darnell's murder. Murder. Yeah.

Kim told police officers, I just don't know how or why this happened. We reached out to Darnell Sanders' family, but never heard back. Kim was indicted on a second-degree murder charge. We reached out to Darnell Sanders' family, but never heard back. Kim was indicted on a second-degree murder charge. She was 24 years old. An advocacy organization called the Battered Women's Defense Committee raised $15,000 to post Kim's bail. The trial began September 14, 1992. During opening statements,

Assistant District Attorney Angela Reyes told the jury, there will be no doubt in your minds that this defendant is guilty of murder. Kim did not testify. She says her lawyer told her not to. On her behalf, he told the jury about the years of injuries and criminal complaints she'd filed against Darnell. Protesters stood outside the courthouse with signs reading,

Bring Justice to Battered Women. Free Kim Dadu. We spoke with the prosecutor, Angela Reyes, who told us the same thing she told the jury, that Kim was the one harassing Darnell. The gun was never recovered. We also spoke with the judge in Kim's case, Patricia Marks, who told us that the important thing to think about in a case like this is that the burden is on the prosecution to convince the jury that Kim was not acting in self-defense, and they were able to do that. Kim was found guilty of manslaughter in the first degree. What was your sentence?

Eight and a third to 25. I was found not guilty of murder in the second degree, which is premeditated, because it was not premeditated. So I was found not guilty of premeditated murder in the second degree, but I was found guilty of man one. And that sentence carried eight and a third to 25. And I'm looking at my lawyer and my head is spinning and the deputies are coming up behind me. So they took you right away. Yeah, they did. And I didn't come home for 17 years.

Did you meet other women in prison who were there for similar reasons? Oh, God, yes. And we bond. They become your family. They become closer to you than family. They become your soulmates because you have that one thing in common They become your family. They become closer to you than family. They become your soulmates.

Because you have that one thing in common, and you can see it in their eyes. They're broken. They're hurt. I was broken. We don't have much data on how many domestic violence survivors are in prison because of crimes relating to abuse. Two state-specific studies in California and New York found that most women incarcerated for killing significant others had been abused by them, 67% in New York and 93% in California. Kim says she went before the parole board five times and was denied every time. And then, in 2008, after 17 years, she went before the

parole board a sixth time. By then, she didn't want to tell her story anymore. I said, I go home in a couple months on my conditional release date. I said, with all due respect, I don't want to talk about it anymore. And then I come home and all I do is talk about it. She's now one of the primary victim advocates working to get a piece of legislation passed in New York. It's called the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act. The DVSJA is a bill that would give judges and DAs discretionary power when sentencing and charging a woman who has committed a domestic violence crime. It would allow the judges to give alternatives to incarceration programs. It's not a get-out-of-jail-free card. There's a whole list of criteria that a person

must fall under before they would be eligible. What would have happened to you if this bill had been in place? I could have probably served less time, a lot less time. And came home and had a family, maybe. I always wanted kids, but, you know, I spent every minute of my 30s in prison. And I don't know. Who knows? I might have been a trailblazer. Kim moved back to Rochester after her release. She got a job at a Tim Hortons coffee shop. Now she works at a non-profit. And last summer, she got married. How did you meet your wife? Tell me the story. That's my favorite story.

While she was in jail, she met a woman named Annie Bell. And my friend is like, oh, Bell, this is Kim. Kim, this is Bell. And Bell's like, you're a cutie. And I just remember rolling my eyes like, oh, Lord, I don't need this right now. And I said, you know, what are you guys playing? And they said, we're playing spades. And, you know, I was just being cordial. And she said, can you play? And I was like, can I play? Now you're challenging my spade game. You know, it's totally different, different subjects. So I was like, yeah, I could play. She said, all right. And she made the girl get up. Then she was like, she's playing now. And I sat down and I started playing with her. And we were unbeatable. And we became spade partners. And then she just wooed me. Sometimes they were in the same prison

and sometimes they were apart. When they weren't together, they would each call the same person on the outside so they could talk. Kim remembers telling her sister to put the phones together so they could hear each other's voices. And then she came home in 97, and she got off parole in 99,

and she showed up on New Year's Day, 2000. And I didn't even know she was coming. She came up there with my sister, and I'm like, who is visiting me on New Year's Day? Everybody I know is hungover and sleeping. And I looked in the visiting room and it was my sister. I was like, wow, that's cool. And then I seen her and I was like, holy shit, she showed up. She came after all these years. And she said, I told you I'd be here as soon as I got off parole. And she was there.

And she's been there ever since. She's the most amazing person I've ever known. And she kept visiting all those years. Oh, yeah, every other Saturday. But through it all, we always said to each other, when we get home, we'll go out to dinner and see what's what. And I said, okay, just don't love anybody else, okay? Just don't love anybody else till I get home. Criminal is produced by Lauren Spohr, Nadia Wilson, and me.

Audio mix by Rob Byers. Alice Wilder is our intern. Special thanks to Natalie Petillo. Julianne Alexander makes original illustrations for each episode of Criminal. You can see them at thisiscriminal.com. We're on Facebook and Twitter at Criminal Show. Criminal is recorded in the studios of North Carolina Public Radio, WUNC. We're a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collection of the best podcasts around. Shows like Song Exploder, which is one of my favorite podcasts out there. Song Exploder is a show where musicians take apart their songs and tell you how they were made.

It's fascinating. There are guests like Weezer, Bjork, Solange, Wilco, Magnetic Fields, even Metallica. This month, the show is putting out their 100th episode. You can find them all at songexploder.net. Go listen. You won't be disappointed. Radiotopia from PRX is supported by the Knight Foundation and MailChimp, celebrating creativity, chaos, and teamwork. And thanks to AdCirc for providing their ad-serving platform to Radiotopia. I'm Phoebe Judge. This is Criminal. Radiotopia.

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