Critical Role & Sagas of Sundry - A Goblin By Any Other Name | Sagas of Sundry: Goblin Mode | Episode 14

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

The Terror Squad are absolutely swamped after escaping a fate worse than death on the Ethereal Plane. No, seriously, they’re in a gigantic swamp. But not just any swamp; this one has a surprising connection to Tippy’s past…and the Terror Squad’s future as pro athletes. Wait, what? Get ready for some of the most preposterous names you’ve ever heard on a brand new episode of Sagas of Sundry: Goblin Mode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Own the dream. Hello everyone and welcome back to Sagas of Sundry Goblin Mode. I'm your dungeon master, Amy Vorpal, And with me, as always, is our minions of mayhem, aka our Terror Squad, played by... Hi, I'm Dan Casey, the artist formerly known as Phil Varel Dusk Branch. But you may know me better as Phibs, a skeleton wizard.

And I am Danielle Radford. I play Busy, formerly known as Flesh Busy, who is a skeleton, who is a bard, rogue, multi-class, baby. Couldn't do that in life, only in death. Hey, I'm Jason Winn. I play Tipi, a goblin artificer, formerly known as your friendly ghost. That's right. And with all of that said, I think it might be time to part the band of reality.

And we're no longer experiencing a lovely spring day in Los Angeles, just feeling the morning upon us. lots of possibilities ahead in our lives. No, instead, we're feeling zero possibilities. Oh, God, damn. Zero is not good party. No, no, no. Ruined. Instead, we are feeling different sorts of possibilities.

As one of us has been resurrected and come back to life, and two of us have metaphorically and literally thrown away and burned away our past. The possibilities that are open to us now are through a portal. And this portal is extraordinarily different from the last portal that you went through. The colors in this portal are green and brown and murky,

and this time it's actually pretty uncomfortable. You can breathe. There to go. Oh, God, it's so murky. It's too green. It's really uncomfortable. You feel this sense of weightlessness, but it's more being suspended in like mud.

And while you can breathe, the air and everything around you does feel like it's growing and squeezing you. It is getting tighter and tighter. There is less of a confusion about how much time is passing. Very little time is passing, but it's you yourself might feel like you're the pimple being squeezed out until,

You are, you're squeezed out and you're dumped into this muddy swamp. And you're squeezed out so fast and hard that you skid over the surface of this muddy swamp and you take in a bunch of grass and dirt and mud on your skin. It's been so long since I've seen bud. Yeah, you feel just right at heart.

This is perfect. That was a kind of thick, for a portal. A quick, rub it all over yourselves. It'll keep the bugs from biting you. Oh. Wait. Tippy sort of just rolls around in the mud.

Yeah, exactly. Is this what hair is like? Does he just kind of looks at all the grass? Oh, look at me, I'm you, but I have hair. That's it. You no longer care, but you do get a flashback of your girlfriend who turned into a dirt mound. I thought I'd burn that one away.

Yeah. Guess not. You notice that this environment smells of, of course, old earth, but also mossy rot, sulfur, sweaty meat in the metallic smell of blood. Sweaty beet. We're in a meat swamp. With you are Crandall, whose ethereal suit

that he built for himself is no longer there, and he's back in a bikini, just as Piccarra is also in a shell bikini, and Loof is also with you. As you enter the swamp, nothing of note really to see. around you, everyone roll a perception check. Oh, geez.

Nat 20, so that's 22. Let's go. Okay, very easily. I perceive. You do perceive that in the distance, something is going on in the distance. It'd be difficult for you to know exactly what, but it seems like many goblin voices.

Do y'all hear that? No, I'm still staring at the swamp because I rolled a five. I tried to do the thing where I feel like the dirt and no what it is, but it's just dirt. Busy's just like slowly picking herself off of the dirt and like trying to rub and take as much of enough. No, I hear voices. I hear not to be a total Maxwell here,

but it kind of sounds like goblins. I don't want to generalize. Where? Well, Gagongan said that he was in a portal near Fitfeld-Dove. This might be Maya Finn. Do I know anything about Meyer Finn as a goblin? I'm gonna say, no, not particularly. Myriffin, I've never heard of a myerfin.

Yeah, if we're near Myofen, I might not go back immediately. I don't know. Are you from this part originally? Yeah, what do you know about Meyerfin? No, I'm not from Myofen, but it's a hub for goblins. Always a good time, almost a retreat sort of place,

but also, I mean, a huge spectacle land. And knowing what we know, what we know about each other, and I might be going back to the market, I might need to ask for me gone back. Oh, yeah. That was really to lend to you during that heist. I've grown quite fond of it, but...

I mean, if you need it, it's just, it's part of my collection, and it seems as though we're not gonna be seen each other all the time anymore, so I might need it. I know you might need it too, but it's up to you, I guess, is what I mean. Tippy's sort of looked at the gun, sadly, and thinks about everything that's happened so far. And then he thinks about not being able to use it to protect her.

And he goes, honestly, I'm probably better off without it. And I hand it to the Cora. Thanks. Something the marks will be able to use in the future. But you handled it very well. And thanks for the upgrade. Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome. She goes, I might need to do like you did,

and she rubs herself in the mud and the grass and everything, and looks a little more clothed. Tipy sort of wanders off sort of ahead of the pack if we're moving. Yeah. Sort of just kind of lonely on his own, kicking rocks along the way. Busy's going to go up a little ahead and go walk up to Tippy. Hey, busy. Hey, Tippy.

Big day, huh? Yeah. So I just know that the gun, was something very important to you and it must be probably really hard for you to let the gun go. I just feel somehow less confident without it. Because it seemed like you were really attached to the gun and like maybe you had something that could have been really special with the gun. It just seems like I'm not worthy of holding the gun. going on long walks with the gun, maybe kissing the gun.

Just, yeah, not worthy. I mean, you could probably ask the gun what the gun thinks. Really? Instead of making decisions for the gun, you could probably ask the gun if the gun... I don't know if the gun agrees. What if the gun finds a better gun owner? You know, like what if the gun finds somebody that could protect the gun

and is strong and heroic and and tall. I think that the gun likes the person that was wielding the gun already. I think the gun saw that the person that was firing it was already pretty darn heroic. Well, the guns are wrong because the gun owner before wasn't heroic. The gun owner before died. And then in the spirit realm, almost died again. So you know what?

Yeah, maybe this is worth the best. What's best for the gun? Maybe the gun also gets a choice, but also, I mean, everyone dies. I'm super dead. But that doesn't mean I can't still go out and do good heroic things, Just because I'm like really super-ta...

And for like the dumbest reason. But, Busy, you're so confident. You have that clipboard. You're always walking around, knowing what you're doing, making lists. I'm not like you, busy. I'm... I'm me.

I'm sweaty. I apparently die really easily. A flesh. That's a flesh thing. Now, I really thought for a second there when I stood up Deluxe here that you would be intimidated by me. I mean, we are the terrorist squad.

We are the Terror Squad. And before I knew it, I was somewhere far away in the void, and I was alone. It was so good to see you guys there, but I was so scared. We wouldn't have been anywhere else. And, you know, while we were taken care of our really lame past alive selves, someone was sticking around making sure that everything went the way it needed to so that you could come back. You know what? I haven't given this person enough credit. Yeah.

I haven't been asking this person what they want. Yes. I need to say sorry to Loof. No. Loof, where's Loof? Loof. She's with, yeah, she's with FIBS. Pops out of my cage.

Now the size of a melon, you said? Yeah, Louvre has grown. Yeah, Louvhouse grown. She is still a bug, so she is able to squeeze within the, but yeah, it's just gonna, if she tries to squeeze out of his mouth, it's gonna be a huge, yeah, jaw-dropping moment. I go up to Loof and I hold her two little metal prosthetic spider hands that I made for her.

And I go, Louf, I haven't given you the proper respect that you deserve. You know, when you started calling me Unki, I just thought it was just kind of weird, kind of a weird word to call any family member, but like now I understand that you're a really loyal spider, aren't you? I am terribly loyal. You're the most terrible.

And you know what? You got a good actual unky, your unky fibs. Oh yes. Yeah. So I promised I would make you a little web shooter, and I will. And I use magical tinkering to make a tiny little webs gun, web pistol,

No more for a luf. Perfect. That's wonderful. Thank you, monkey, Tippy. This will accessorize nicely with the plans I have for this entire world. You keep dreaming big, Loof. Maybe not too big. My rib cage is getting pretty crowded. Well, we also haven't had a chance to talk. Like, you guys were enemies.

We killed each other. Honestly, I didn't want to see that flashback, but we all did the love thing and then touched the orb, so I had to be there. But I got this weird image in my head, but it's mostly good. How do you guys feel? That doesn't even feel like that's me. That was them. That was them. That was Phil Varel and Berignis.

Yeah, they were so unable to get through their weird games that they weren't able to like see anything beyond that. And they died like dips. Yeah. Oh my God, they died like the dumbest people. They're so stupid. You guys are still them. No? No, no, nope.

We're fibs and busy. Yeah, we are fibs and busy. And I, also, I made a vow. And my vow is that I am going to be selfless. And that is my new goal. I can't think of any way that I could fulfill my goals easier than being selfless. I made a vow to protect you both. And I'll do that at any cost.

I made a vow to stop Luxie. Stop the sight of Aurelia. Okay, let's talk about that because he uh, whooped our asses. Real bad. Yeah, he killed me. Real bad. He had a lot of buddies. I maybe have some thoughts on our tactical prowess.

Maybe next time we'll either stay together or have a single chat before we rush in. Just like one talk, maybe? Just like even a single talk. You know, a pre-Russian sidebar. Oh, okay. Well, next time. ...a, um, fatal questions.

As you are discussing your distant and not so distant pasts, you would come upon an enormous goblin celebration. You're still far enough away that no one might perceive you, but it looks massive. You've been to some goblin celebrations, and this does seem bigger. This isn't one tribe.

This is many tribes of goblins. Is this some kind of a mighty goblin celebration? Yeah, it's sort of like a common together of tribes, you know, You know what I mean? Like a big gobb parade, big gobb fest. What do they do at the cop fest? Well, that's what I'm worried about, because it gets a bit rowdy.

We can party, we can be a rowdy. And actually, while you're talking, she goes, I don't think that's what this is. What is it? If we're talking about my offense, some of those customs that you're used to within different swamps, they're just not the same here. And I think we might have stumbled upon

like a games situation. Like a goblin. Oh my gosh, what are you doing here? And as she looks over, you see Plixy. Plixy is here. You're alive. Hey. In those of us.

Her sister goblin. And she goes, Pekora, it's been so long. It's been a couple of weeks, actually. And we thought you were dead. I came here. I'm so happy to see you. And near Pekora is Fug. Oh, yeah.

And Fogg doesn't do anything, much of anything. He's just kind of hanging out there. But Plixie goes, so, I mean, you're here? I mean, are you participating in the Goblin Hero games? And Pecorra goes, I don't even know anything about that. Are you? And Plixie goes, yeah, I'm gonna throw me out in the ring. You know, this is the biggest goblin games

they've had in a really long time, actually. They opened it up to all tribes. I mean, I feel like it's been 10 years since they've done something like this. I'm sorry, Busy to take some of clipboard. What exactly as a Goblins game? Gov and games are just... Greetings adventurers, spring has sprung here in Los Angeles,

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Quince.com slash critical role. To be every so often, I mean, sometimes within the tribe it determines who's the best goblin and they're named the Goblin Hero. Ah! It's a real gun measuring contest. I mean, we've never had a big one like this in a really long time, so yeah, this one's gonna determine who's a goblin hero is. Apparently someone big and important put it together.

Really? Interesting. So this is like for the big and important goblin hero. Are they signing up now or did it get to please sign up? Yeah, but soon not, now tomorrow is the games. Tomorrow is the games. Fibbs turns to Crandall and says, Did Unzook do this?

This is where Eun-ZUgh wanted me to meet him. You wanted you to meet him? At the Goblin Games. Here at Maya Finn, he said Mayerfin, adjacent to Finn Feddilf. He said Maya Finn, yes. And he has mentioned FitzFedeldelf quite a few times, but yes, I will be looking for Unzug

as this thing happens. The winner of these Goblin games, are they gonna get to meet Unzut maybe? What's the prize? Yeah. Oh, we'd have to enter and find out. I don't know, Plixie says. I've done a bit of research, and it seems as though,

you get your standard magical weapon, and you get the title, and the notoriety. I bet you could win this. Well, I don't know what's involved in the goblin games. I might not be the goblin for that. Who better than you? Piccarra says, well, me, I might. Yeah, right, Piccarra.

No, it could be dangerous, Pacara. I think I'm not throw my hand in the ring. No, no, I'll do it, I'll do it. I'll do it instead of you, Pecora. Plixie goes, well, both of you can. I was gonna throw my hat in the ring, and now that Pecara's here, I might be her Bannerman. I believe in you, Pecora, way more than I believe in myself.

What's a Bannerman? Oh, everyone who competes needs her of a bannerman and a yella holler. A yalla. A yellow holler. A yellow holler. Have to be goblins? No. I've got Fug here.

Fug was going to be my bannerman. Hi, Fug. Oh, shh. Oh, don't call me that. Don't call me Spawn. Oh, call me Spawn. But yes, he's my Spawn. Okay. Hello, Spon.

All right, enough of that. Somebody get Fugg out of here. Plexie goes, it's all right, Fug, go back to our camp. Plexi, if you're here, does it mean the ship's here? And the captain? Me, ships here, but Chab in Dup, they got tired of waiting for you. You've gone for a long time. Where's the ship?

Real patient one that, the... Me, two weeks. Oh, excuse me. Oh, excuse me. So, you know. They haven't done anything with the ship. I don't know where you're gonna pop out. I mean, it doesn't feel very temporary captainy.

I just, you know, maybe if there was like a better temporary captain. But anyway, whatever, it's fine. You left this ship for two weeks. Well, we didn't know that timey weird stuff was gonna happen when we went through the portal. Well, neither did they. I died.

What? Yeah. I bet you feel pretty bad now, huh? Yeah, but you feel awful. Yeah. Why would I feel awful? I don't know. You're yelling at a dead man. Oh, you're alive now and your ear gone?

Yeah, wow, looks so good. Don't look at it, don't look at it. I like try to face my good ear towards- Well, you know, go nuts for over you. You do look pretty badass. Yeah, it looks pretty cool. It looks really cool. Maybe if we join the Goblin games,

maybe Eun-ZUgh will notice us. I agree. So who wants a banner and who wants to holla? A yellow-halla? A yellow-halla. Yeller-holler and a bannerman. And Plixie goes, well, Piccaro, if you'll reen, I'm your bannerman.

And it looks like, well, it'll also be a yellow hollow. Fug is gonna be around for just... No, you gotta take the circle guy. You gotta take Fugg, I mean Fugg. You made it pretty clear you don't want us. You gonna take the circle guy. Fugg is gonna be the Bannerman. I'll be the yellow hollow, but I'll do the heavy lifting.

And Plixty goes, well, if we're competing against each other, may the best goblin win. May the best goblin win. She gives you a wink and just says, I might not have wanted to even do this. Here we are, and it's not like I'm doing anything else. Not like I've got any dates planned or anything, so what do I have to lose?

Yeah, I don't have any dates planned either. Just a way to spend the time then? Yeah, just a way to spend the time. Glad I got me gun back. I'm glad you got your gun back too. And Flixie goes, okay, you're coming on really strong. What happened out there? See ya!

And they're off with each other. I think that went really well. Yeah, you were so smooth. Yes, thank you. I'm trying to figure out, you know, it's a good mix of herelic in terror, you know, it's hard to tell. Yeah, it could be really, really hard.

You know what? Winning always goes well. Any ambitions. There's no telling what's in these goblin games. Did you guys decide what you wanted to be, Bannerman or Yoder Haller? I don't know what any of those are. I have no real sense. Go side up, but I guess they'll tell us what that means.

Okay, you do approach. It does seem a little less dangerous now that you know what's going on. Different crews of goblins moving about, I would say most of them do just look like. they're here for the food and the drink. There seems to be a station where there are goblins holding sticks with little painted animal leather on them, and that's more towards your left.

There's an older female goblin corraling this group of people. She looks at you too and you and says, Well, all right, you're so good to have another contestant. It looks like someone wants to sign up here. How are you? Fairly well, Miss Goblin signup lady. I'm bad.

me bagmizzle. Bagmizzle? Baggie. Yes, it's so good to see a little baby goblin signing up. That's so cute. Not a baby. Is Bagmizzle your first name or last name? It's my first name. Okay, no further questions.

Okay, well, do you want to know my last name? Not unless you feel like sharing. Yeah, I really want to tell you. Oh, I would love it. Fummy crust. Fummy crust. Fummy crust. Okay, Baggy Fummy crust.

Well, Baggy, we'd like to sign up for the Goblin Games. All right, well, that can easily happen. And what is your name? My name's Tippy. Tippy. Uh, oh, interesting. Was he already signed up or something? No, he's not already signed up, but...

That would be crazy. That would be insane. Do you know a jug and a tog? Bustflog? But what's that? Bustflog. Bust flog. Uh, racking my brain.

You do. I know them. Busflog is your last name. I'm Tippy Busflog? I don't really like to use my last name too much, because, you know, I'm not really associated with my family anymore, but yes, I am Tippy Busflog. You know what?

We don't have to use your goblin' name. We can just still call on you Tippy. I think the people with just one name. I think that sounds cool. But Juck and Tog are your, as you know, your adoptive siblings. What was my relationship to Juck and Tog? Well, you were, when I say adoptive, you were the adopted one. Yes, of course.

These siblings, the brother and the sister, Jack the brother, Tog the female, and yeah, not great. Just not great. That entire family not great. Mom and dad, it's not very great. Juck and Tog. Hated me because I was adopted and would, well, you know how we do terror? They do it to babies. Yeah.

I was actually a baby then. They were bus flog baby bullies? Yes, they were bus flog baby bullies. And I hate that. I can't help but overhear what's going on. I'm sorry, we forgot to have a side bomb. No, sorry. That's our bad.

That's our bad. No, that's okay. Look, a common story among goblins. Now, I try to do things differently with my family. We've got a lot of love in our family. And so if y'all need a place to camp for the night, all of my kids and all of their spouses, no one's signing up.

So we're looking for a hero for our family to champion. Tippy breaks out in a cold sweat and starts to act a little shaky and he looks up at her and goes, is my father here? The bus flog chief did? You mean Lump? Is Lump here? Oh, you know, he very easily could be. I mean, you've got two of these bus flog kids signed up. Uh, uh... But you're at Captain Lump.

Captain Lump? He's a captain? Not of all Galdens, but yes, of your tribe, sure. Yeah, okay, yeah, let's just sign up really quick and get out of here. Okay, with that said, who's the Bannerman and who's the Yaler Haller? Can you clarify the difference between these roles?

Well, we'll start with the Yeller-Holler. The Yeller-Holler is going to be in charge of announcing and being present when your competitors competing and shouting at them, giving them clues, providing a means of support. Oh, I'll take that one. You should do that. They're also in charge of announcing

and providing information about what's going on to the general runners of the Goblin Games and making sure that the judge has all the information as well. Oh. And you'll be in charge of announcing your competitor tomorrow at the games. Fantastic, I will take that one. Yeah. Absolutely. Busy written all over it.

Now, Ms. Fummycrust, what does a baderman do? A bannerman's in charge of getting a lot of support from the crowd. So this is going to be recruiting people like myself and my family who we haven't chosen one yet. to get the other goblins on board for supporting one specific champion to, you know, sponsor or run about and do certain things for throughout the games. Now, that's all under wraps, you know, right above wraps, we're just going, yay, yay, but under wraps, there's certain ways that we might be able to influence the games.

Ah. And we goblins, you know, we love a good subterfuge, and I will say most of the judges and most of the runners are willing to look the other way sometimes. Interesting. To give a leg up to some of our champions. All right. I think I'm picking up what you're putting down. And the more supporters you have, the better odds you have

at having favor in the games. You're like my hype man. Yeah. You'll need to develop a bit of a sigil for this crew too, for your champion. SIGIL. SIGIL. Yeah, there's a station over there where you can craft it.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, for an actual banner. And then you're in charge of winning. I'll try. You've got that part down. Yeah. There are the first three challenges tomorrow, and then there's a secret one. Okay.

That I don't even know. But the first one is called go night night. Go night night. Oh, I love going night night night. Go night night is a game of timing where you will be outside of a circle with a group of other goblins and the music will be playing. And when the playing stops, you need to find yourself inside the circle as soon as possible. Anyone outside of the circle is going to get shot at with sleep darts and they're gonna go night night Got it. Once you're shot with a sleep dart and you go night night, you're considered out of the competition.

So we will stop that game as soon as we have only 12 contestants left. Okay. Second challenge is the Umbaba dance. Umbaba dance. And you know, that one's a very charismatic, very energetic dance and it can be open to interpretation. We've had many goblins really, uh, really, make it their own, but there are certain things that a Dumbaba dance does require.

Must be chaotic and flailing. Oh, I could do that. The second one is it must be unpredictable, almost at all times. Okay, yeah. You've gotta not see where it's going. That's okay, because that's how I dance. I don't know what I'm doing.

The third one is the amount of energy produced doing this dance must look disproportionate to the size of the creature. So if you've got a lot of energy going on in there, you might be at an advantage because you do look like a baby. I'm so full of energy. you wouldn't even know.

Well, those are the three requirements, so we'll see. And then the third one, it's actually called Frogbustin. Frog busting? And as a bus flog, maybe you'd be good at frogbustin. The frog bustin is a chance for everyone, the remaining contestants, to go out and catch

and then ride back on a frog hemoth. Frog hemoth. Frog hemoth. Frog hemoth. Of course. How big? The frog hemoth size, so. Yeah, of course I know what.

size that is. Do you know what size that is? Yeah, it sounds like maybe you don't know what size that is. Well, it's a, I mean, it's a, it's a big old creature. All right, I understood and then there's a secret one, secret challenge. That I don't even know about, but maybe there's some- Is there a way to find out? Oh, isn't there a way to find out?

Look. Have you met my friend Mr. Unzug and I push a dungeon dollar across the table? I will cheat during the games. I'll help out cheating, but I will not be bribed. I have some standards. Okay. I was just testing your morals.

I mean, Stammy Crust, and I take the Dungeon Dollar back. Is there any shooting in any of these games, any blasting with guns? Maybe in that secret one. I mean, you could use a gun or a shooter at any point. I mean, you could shoot the Frog Heemoth. I don't know how much good that'll do. I mean, it's a huge thing.

Sounds like the only rule is win. Yeah, it is. And the last question, this is Fummy Crest. Is Lump is not competing? Lump is not competing. He thinks himself above this. All the goblin captains do feel like they've already become goblin heroes. They don't need this title.

What about Juck and Tog? Juck and Tog are both competing against each other, which I've heard is not uncommon for goblin siblings. We will crush them. We will inspire terror into Junk and Thug. Oh, I love this. So the reason my family hasn't chosen a champion yet, it's got I like the vibe of some of these.

Really selfish people. It's just not the kind of goblins I want to raise and have my kids look up to them. But I like that speech right there. If there's any more of that, you come by my camp and try to recruit us. We'll come by your camp. We'll come by your camp. All right. Do you have a place to camp for the night?

We do not yet, but is there a good place for us to do that? Look, I just think y'all are real nice. So if we do decide to be your champions, you could camp out with us. Other than that, there's the final spot on the ground. Every other comfortable place is taken. I also wanted to preface. We do have a gross man with us. Oh, my God.

I forgot about Crandall. I know. but presumably he's here because I did not hear him walk off. Oh, yes, I'm here. I will not be participating in any level of this. The unzug that you do not know, he is my first priority. She says, okay, so you're just gonna watch them.

He's an audience member. Yeah, that's what he's gonna do. Spectator. You, sir, are not allowed at our camp. I think. That's fine. Good call. My children will think you are parents.

terrifying and we and the little ones especially need to sleep tonight. Crandall looks like you're gonna have to pitch a tent somewhere far from us. Okay, yes. First order of business looks like there are piles of weapons and piles of armor. Is there anything just clothes in general I might get my hands on and she goes, absolutely and I might walk you there myself because it seems like on missions to cover you up are very re-aligned right now. He's positively spilling out of his swimsuit right now.

Are there any guns? Guns, I'm not sure about that, but there's different weapons. It's all in a pile. It's really messy, but every champion gets their pick of it. The one thing that I will tell you is there's a big party tonight, a big feast, and there's gonna be some dancing, and the one thing that you might really wanna do is gain favor with Glamgin.

Glamgim. Do you wanna know his life? Of course I do. Yes, absolutely. Go ahead and say it. Mossprank. Mosprank. Globgen Mossbrook.

These are such beautiful names. They really are. We're a diverse people. So he's the Elder Goblin judge of the entire games. Oh, Judge Mossprong? Judge Mossprong. Well, it seems like we want to camp, we want to find some weapons, and we want to gain some favor. And build a banner.

And build a banner. Okay, and me and my kids are camped out over there. You can go and find... or me. At the Fummy Crust Estate? The Fumme Crust Lot, that's right. Thanks for remembering my last name. Of course. I would never forget it, Bag Mizzle. And Mrs.

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Lens. Watch Ronda Rousey versus Gina Carrano, live only on Netflix. Saturday, May 16th at 9 p.m. Eastern Center time, 6 p.m. Pacific time. Mrs. Fummy Crust, can I make one final request? You've had so many final things? I know. Yes, you may. What is it? Instead of being, instead of being signed up as Tippy Bus Flog, I like to be signed up as Tippy Terror Squad, that being my new last name. Well, I don't see a real problem with that Terror Squad.

It doesn't really sound like a Goblin's last name. Well, I can't think of a last name right now. I just think of Terror. Terror Squad. We're the Terror Squad. I feel like we're one kind of... Tippy Terror Squad. We're a weird dysfunctional family, so why not?

I'm Tippy Terror Squad from now on. Tippy Bus Flog Terror Squad. Tipper Squad. Yes. Well, I kind of like the ring of that. No problem at all. You're signed up. All right, we're signed up.

As you peer around, it does seem like you are kind of swamped with duties to do to get ready for the games tomorrow. What would you do? Seems like we need a banner. Oh yeah. I'm going to go work on the banner. Do you have any requests? What if it's luf with a gun? Should it be one gun or eight guns? Eight guns. Oh, it's a spider with eight guns. Fantastic.

Spider with eight guns. And it should say terror on it. Terror, spider with eight guns. Oh. All right. That's lovely. I'm gonna get to work on that. Oh, and a clipboard for busy. Well, one of the, maybe one of the hands has a clipboard.

One's a clipboard and seven guns. Okay. Perfect. That's a good ratio. A clipboard to gun, yes. I'm honored to be listed under the word terror as if the very definition of terror is me with a clipboard and seven guns. Well, that's what, you know,

you dream big so we can too. If I'm holding seven guns, it's almost as though I don't even need to stand. Nope. No? I need zero limbs to stand. So my body, my carapace, is on the ground and all seven arms are held in the air. Are you drawing this fibs? I'm doing my best. Please, try. Keep going. Keep going, Luke. So I just, I'm making almost like a bowl-like shape. And then what the only real thing you see of me if you're looking at me from the front is, is my eyes. All of them just, just. You're a bowling ball with eyes and guns and a clipboard.

Underneath the word terror. Yes. If there was a dictionary, this is what you would see. Exactly. If you want to take your long rest now, you'll miss out on the party. No, we're going to stay away for the party. You could take a short rest while at the crafting station for the banner. And you know what, while we're doing that, Busy just really love singing.

So she's going to start just like performing. She takes out like her drums and she starts like singing. And I am going to cast, damn it, Song of Rest. Busy's, yes. Oh, Song of Rest. Rap of nap. And for us to be rested, Busy has to do a rap. Yes, what does the rap sound like?

It's Game Day. We're having a blast. We're gonna go kick some goblin ass. F off, all of you bus flogs. Because now we go and go grab all of the frogs. We go ride them. right on top, the tippy tippy top with our man Tip Top. He's hanging.

He ain't got no last name in. He's going for the Terra Squad begging and we slugging. All these goblins. And we're gonna get out of here. That's the end of my song. I'm so arrested. I'm too hyped to sleep, which is a good thing because we don't sleep.

We just rest. We don't sleep. We don't sleep. We're too busy being tight. Those rhymes were so. It was so disgusting. Thank you. So each of you regained an extra 1D6 hit points.

1d6 hit points. Six, let's go. That's perfect. I'm back up to fall. I'm at seven. Are you feeling more rested now? I think I put the finishing touches on this banner. Oh.

Let's see it. Let's see it. Yes, what does it look like? It's definitely a biologically accurate phase spider, a rendition of my niece Louf, wielding not one, not two, but seven guns and one clipboard that represents the terror she will reek upon this land and also the most important people in her life,

her unky, tippy, and her aunt busy. It's beautiful. I'm flying that ASAP. Good, because I used up all of our materials to make this. And I would hate to have to do a second draft. No, no notes. That is beautiful. We need to make sure that you need to get a weapon.

Yeah. And we've got to go, you've got to also go back, And you have got to talk to Bag's family that we make sure we have a place to sleep tonight. I do not wanna be sleep on their crandal. I think the key is going to be lots of confidence. Lots of confidence. Loves, love, ragadocious.

Perfect, and we can talk to them at the big party tonight. 100%. The only thing is I need to have some sort of weapon to feel confident about. Let's go look in the weapon pile and see if there's anything I can use. Yeah, we can go look for weapons. Also, I mean, I've seen you do some

really cool stuff whether or not you have a weapon. I just, I'm not sure if you've noticed that. I just feel like a gun in my hand gives me so much power. Yeah, I, I could see that. Let's see what they have. And if they don't have a gun, that's okay. Well, let's just look in the weapon pile. Yeah, let's see what's in the weapon pile.

It is really scrably looking weapons. This armory is, I mean, it's, uh. Looks like it's picked through. Yeah, it is picked through. Go ahead and roll an investigation show. I'm gonna help Tippy with this check. Awesome, so you get a... Nat 20.

Hey! Yes, now. With the advantage, at the bottom of the pile? That is, wow, that was incredible. Okay, if I, what would you like? What are you specifically looking for? A gun.

A gun, yeah, absolutely, a gun. Of course. Okay, so, yeah, I mean, I think with a 20, you're able to find a gun that can do that. I will say, what was the damage before that I gave you? It's 1D10. 1D10, it's gonna be 1d8. Okay, so what could you describe what the gun looks like?

Yeah, sure. So it is made of metal, but I think what makes it less fun than the other gun is the barrel itself is actually made of wood and it's been used, so it's kind of cracked at the tip of it, which makes it a little more unreliable. It does also seem to be wonky. It's smaller than the Pekara gun, less sturdy, less weight to it. It almost seems like, the goblin who made it,

it has a good understanding working of how a crossbow works, and then mash some things together, so it's less elegant. This is more blunder and less busted than I was expected. Tippy looks at this decrepit old cun with its wooden shaft and sort of cracks and rust on it, and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He holds it, sort of caresses it, and he goes, I'm so back.

And he spins it around and puts it back in his little weird leather braiser holster and he goes, let's go kick some goblin ass. But first we have to charm some goblin. Let's go charm some ass. Okay, thank you for saying that because I was gonna go in there and just start blasting. You can't blast. Okay. No go blasting. All right, all right. Let's go charm some goblins.

And then let's go blast some goblin ass. So you are able to pretty much see baggies family camp, the Fummy Crust Camp, and it is... Fummi crust. It's fucking me up right now. It is, it is. Oh, there's so many. And so you're able to see plenty of fummy crusts hanging around,

and they range in ages, but for the most part, they do seem to be a young adult. Tippy is walking in thumbs in his pants, hands out, thumbs in his pants, with a, large gait like he's a cowboy. Walking around, sort of just nodding at people. What's up? Let's go nod. Okay, a performance check. Let's see what the vibe is.

Let's see if you're catching anyone's attention. Let's see what's happening. That's gonna be a six. Are you all helping him? What are you doing? Behold, it is Tippy of the Terra Squad. Terror Squad. Terror Splat.

Beer, wheeo, wheeo, whee, whee. Yes. Amazing performance check for you. Please, please. It's cheap, it's chippy, it's chippy. Oh, that is a, that 20. Yeah. Amazing.

So that's a 23. That's incredible. I needed that. That is gonna give you the help action so you can roll that six again. Okay, all right. Okay, that's not bad. That is 17. 17. And what are you doing, Phibs?

I'm waving the banner like my life depends on it back and forth. saying, hear ye fummy crusts, backing tippy is a kami must. What he says. Is a what? Would you say, fibs? I don't know, it sounded natural based on the nominclature. Well, say it again, I'll say it too. Yeah, I'll say it too.

Hey, ye fummy crust, backing tippy is a cummi must. You hear that? Here, fummy crust, if you want to back the right guy, guy, you found him because I'm a cummy must. Co-c-c-c-c-c-combe-must. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Good job, everybody. Good job. More performance acts? No, none of the goblins have last names anymore. Wow, they've changed to a mononymic culture. Yeah, what was I thinking? Yeah, that's not how goblin lore works. They just have first names now.

So you're heading over to them. There's about 25 of them, and they all kind of look up. And you can see some people frowning at the skeletons very easily, but then they actually get a glimpse of Tippy, and they're like, oh, how well, look at that. Look at that calling with one ear, are you kidding? Yeah, behold. And a gun, who knows how to do it?

All the bad to endear you with. And then you hear other whispers of like, well, they, he made friends of skeletons. He's got the skeletons working for you, I got skeleton servants? Oh wow, that is a... Oh, oh, you there? And they're not skeleton servants.

They're my skeleton friends. What, what, no? How even does that have, oh my own. That's right, you fummy crust. I'm here to be champion of the Goblin Games, and I have my skeleton friends to think. If you want to back the right champion, you're gonna back old,

Thank you boy. And I like show off the gun. Yeah. The old hand blaster. He's got a gun. He's got a gun. Bizzy goes in a... Y'all ready for tips.

Buh, fub, fub, fub, fub, fub, fub, fb, fbh, fbh, fbh. Legally distinct. Y'all ready for tips. And at the end of Busy's song, I just start blasting into the air. Oh, like, just, just, kish, kish, kiss, kiss, kiss. Yeah. And everyone starts applauding these fummy cuss are just going nuts, and you can see one goblin, a hardened, old for his age, I guess.

He looks young but withered and like he's been through a lot. He comes up and goes, what about you makes you think you could be a goblin hero? Listen to me, Pops. I've seen hell. I've died and I've returned from the great beyond. How many goblins could say that? Look at his ear. It's not there.

You know, tell us the tale of how you lost your ear. Tell him, busy. The tale of the great goblin Tippy, conqueror of death. Tippy, the goblin, decided that he would sacrifice himself upon the altar of true love, of true love. Of true love.

and took on the sack. I spin my gun in my finger. Phibs is swinging the banner like a scyth. Tiffy challenged the scythe to their faces and was able to rescue the fairest goblined lady in all of the lands. Oh great. Thank you.

Tippy was then for his. Defts struck down, sorry, hold on, struck down. Wow. He traveled to planes beyond this one story plane where he met and was confronted with Dev, which he conquered using flame and lightning and busy castes,

Pizzi cast silent image so it looks like flames and lightning. Oh my gosh. Wow. And then he was able to look deep within himself and find the strength to come back with his true lady love. Okay. And the gun. And the gun. And the gun, yes.

That is... that is... We... Appear'd upon your shores. Only slightly worse for where, having sacrificed is even the Great's Beyond! And now we are here to be your champion. Tippy! It's me, oh, cuffing gun a little bit.

Yeah, it's me. Tippy. Terror Squad! Terror Squad! Terror Squad. Terror Squad. I... I... I...

I mean, uh... I mean, that is a wildly impressive tale. I've told a few tales myself, so I know when there's some exaggeration, but for the most part, that... No, that was all happening. Real, wow. Honestly, yeah. The sound of Ruehia, though.

Yeah, she was just using a big old voice, but yeah, that all happened, yeah. Oh my, well, um, here, here's a question. You said the greatest, hottest goblin girl? Yeah. Yeah. Most beautiful goblin girl I've ever seen, yeah. And she said you came out, you came out with her.

Is she supporting you too? She's in the Goblin Games herself. We will be rivals. What? She signed up. She said she wanted to do it, and who am I to stop her? Tippy believes that he is not controlling. Tippy believes every goblin can control their own fate.

Oh, you gotta. It sounds like you're in trouble. Not as much trouble as these other half-letic goblins are. I know what it's like to try to tell someone to do what you want them to do. Talking about bagmizzle, right? Oh, baggy, oh baggy.

And what is your name? Gwent. Gwent. Gwent. Gwint, fummy crust. Fummy crust. Yes, I'm a fulming crust. For some reason, that sounds very distinctive and noble.

Oh, thank you. Fummy crust, do you stand with me? I do. I think we do. And the reason isn't the reason that you think, all this death and glory and ears ripped off or whatever. It's impressive, and I think most goblin cultures would really, I'm not important, but I like a good love story.

Yeah. Well, I like a good gun story. And let's go tell that story using bullets. Also, can we sleep here tonight? Yeah, we need a place to now. We really need a place now. Oh, yes, is your, is your, like, Is your lady love going to be sleeping here too?

Well, she wants to. And chill on calling her my lady love. That's what she said in the story. You said there was zero exaggeration, if I recall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's non-fiction. Yeah, she could sleep here. Mr. Fummy Crest.

Gwent. Can I call you Gwent? You may call me Gwent. All right, Gwent. Can I call you Mr. Fummy Crest? You may call me Mr. Fummecruz. Is there a special title you'd like to? If I could call you Mr. Crest-Crest,

Oh, okay. If you like it. Yeah, sure. Skeletons are weird. Look, skeletons are weird. I'm happy with that. Awesome. Thank you, Christy.

So, yeah, later tonight, a lot of these kids might be crawling all over you, seeing who the hero is. When we go to the party, anything you can tell us about the other competitors or how to win some favor? Well, Glongin Mossprong. Yeah, Judge Mossprong. Judge Mossprong. He's a difficult goblin to tell what is going to actually impress him or not. We've had years that someone just laid a big old elk fur on him and he liked it. So we made them the champion.

Then we had another one that, oh, a strong goblin, almost a hobgoblin, lifted up Glamgan with one arm into the air. And he said, well, if you can do that with one arm, he might be deserved to be deserved of Goblin Hero. One guy just vomited in front of him, and it was a lot of vomit. Oh, that's an option? I was gonna say that's,

I've done that. I don't think I've seen anyone vomit more than you. And he looked as though that tiny container of the goblin could not contain that amount of vomit, and he got the favor. But you see how it varies year to year. It's not like anyone hasn't tried to vomit again in front of him or put an elf carcass on his shoulders.

I think it's whatever way the wind blows this guy's gonna choose his favorite champion. Okay. Something new, something strange. Yeah. I have an idea. You gonna shoot him? Huh?

What? There's also one thing, there's also one thing I should tell you that Baggy would not have told you is that there's a guy running around taking bets. Oh. Oh, what was this guy? Yeah.

Oh, he's my brother. Well, I'm Gwent. Gwent. Of course, yeah, what's in then? He's went. Went? He's... Another fummy crust?

He's not a fummy crust. What is his last name? What's his last name? What's his last name? We'd like to now. You know, because we're a matriarchal society. Oh, right, of course. He married and got a different last name.

His last name is Kudggloom. Kudgloom. Look out for him. So he's taking bets. He also, if you're interested in which most goblins are and any of the other kinds of more untoward advantages, he might have you covered. We've got to find this.

We've got to find some, the wet, Kudglob. And he points out a spot where a host I'll set up some mats for you to lay down in the evening. My kids might want a bedtime story from their champion, but other than that, you have a place here in our camp, and we'll give you our support. Thanks, partner.

I spit my hand, and I put my hand out. Okay, and he, like, you know, hawks a loogie, and it's in his hands covered and stuff. Oh, I didn't think you were going to do that, too. He does it as well. Well, I won your spit. I didn't even get your spit. You just touched my head.

We're okay. We're okay with that. He's got to save his moisture for tomorrow. Oh, smart goblin over here. Okay, great. So you're ready for the party? We're ready for the party. All right. Yeah, let's get into the party.

This is in the same area that everything else is. Just a little bit off-site. You can see goblins building stadium seating just out of wood and sticks and moss. And just beyond the stadium seating on the other side is an open area where there is a state stage and some goblins playing some tunes. Then they're just people walking around with food.

There's a big table that has even more food laid on it. Just a huge feast. And most of the goblins that you've seen before are just crammed in there. Really a lot of screaming, a lot of standing on each other's shoulders and jumping off. There's also beyond that some hot springs where goblins are kind of having a spa day. Crandall is actually taking part in the hot springs. Of course he is. There is an announcer who every once in a while

will start up a dance that everyone joins in, but nothing like that is going on right now. Do we see other banners up? Yes, yes. You can see that there are plenty of sigils marching around with bannermen, lots of bravado with these champions, other competitors. You would recognize Juck and Tog, different ones.

One of them just has two circles as a sigil. Oh, it's fog. Oh, that's fog, for sure. Well, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, so Jug did two circles and Tog did an X, nothing as elaborate as your drawing of a spider. You hear Plixty and Pekara's last name is Plixie's doing her own version of yell or hollering at the moment, and she's just shouting out about, Pachara, dunk nozzle. Excuse me?

Donk, it was don't knack nozzle a whole time? Donk nozzle? Donk nozzle. A whole time, huh? She got that donk. I guess she's got that donk nozzle on her. I guess the fummy crust would... Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. I'm sorry. Uh-huh. Tippy how you're feeling bad? I just, I'm all right? Just don't know. If you married her, you'd have to take her name.

It's a matrix. I'd be tippy donk nozzle. Tippy don't nozzle. Okay, you're a donkey. Yep. Huh. Couldn't have any other name for her, I guess. Dog nozzle.

You've already changed your name once, why not again? Okay. Is there anything particular that you're looking for at this party? What do you guys think? I would very much like to find Wend Kudggloom because I believe in you, and I would like to place a bet on you taking home the title. Okay, yeah, all right.

And also, you know, maybe he can put us on to whomst we should be talking to. We can hudge up some favor for you. Why don't we spread out and mingle about? That's what we do best. Splitting up. Yeah, it always, it's great. No, I'm going to go and see. I'm going to ask some more questions about the judge.

Okay. And also maybe, like, be a little sneaky, since I have a little rogsy, and see if I can, like, kind of scout out some of the other competitors. So you're on the judge. I'm on the cudge. What about you? I'm gonna go seek out Juck and Tog. Oh, you're not on that dunk?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, what? I'm avoiding the don't knoxle for now. You're not on the dunk? All roads lead to don't knowzzle. Don't worry. There'll be time for dock nozzle later. Dan, based on the description that Gwent gave you,

Wendt is often a corner. He is being approached by many people, and he looks like Gwent, but he's got this glimmer in his eye and just a perpetual smile. And he does have a clipboard. He's got a clipboard, he's got a little book that he keeps sliding in and out of his pocket. And he does look like he's laden with,

almost like a bandolier like you, like with goods on him. And as you approach, he catches your eye, handles some more business, does some whispering to some other goblins, sends them on their way, finishes up business with another guy, takes something from them,

puts it in his bandalier, and then it's your turn, and he goes, show, what can I do for you? Hell and well met. You wouldn't happen to be a went-cudge bloom, would you? No, I'm went-cudge-bloom. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm went-kudg-bloom. I say bloom because you look like you're positively thriving in this environment, both in business and in life. I have men with a fancy mouth on him. I like it. So, you heard what I'm about, right? I sure have. I was speaking with your brother, the patriarch of the Fummy crust family.

Good, good, good man. As you may be able to tell from my banner, I represent a certain interest in these gobbie games. I represent your once-in-future champion. His name is Tippy Terror Squad, and I would like to place a bet on him to take home this entire series of games. Oh, okay, well that is something I can get sorted for you.

What kind of wager are you looking to make? I hand him all of the money I have, so 100 gold. 100 gold. It's in a little satchel. I don't know how much this is in dungeon dollars, but I think it's a lot. Okay, the way this works is if your guy wins, you get the pool, and if he doesn't win, you get nothing. Okay, I understand. Okay, and there's no second place or anything.

That's fine. That is so much money. I guess. I really don't have a conception. Well, tell me this, because that's a lot of money and obviously you're biased, but as a bookkeeper, I need to know these things. Are other people going to be betting for this guy? I don't know. I just got the town.

Well, what makes him so special that you would drop a hundred gold pieces? Oh, he's one of my best friends. Okay, so that, but what traits and qualities makes you think that he's going to be the goblin hero? He's brave, he's loyal, he's in jeez. He's got a gun. Okay, I mean, other gobbins have guns and other... Not like this, they don't. Okay, well other guns...

Their guns have legs? Huh, okay. By the way, don't tell anybody I said that. Okay, because exactly zero other people have bet on this. I think he's a new addition. I guess that other people must have even less of an understanding of the value of money than I do, if they're not betting on old Tippy Terror Squad. You have to understand. I mean, this is my...

He's got the fummy crust, fummy trust. trust. Is there anything else about this tippy that I need to know? This is his first goblin games, if that helps. Okay. I should mention he also orchestrated a kegah becoming a rager. And he also blew up a building. Yeah, that's very...

He's been an airship captain. But no real goblin games of any sort. No goblin games, but he's taking a lot of lives. Well, damn! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Also, and Phibs leans in real close. I've heard you know how to do crime, and I would like to do some crime to help my friend.

Yes, I do understand what you're talking about. All of these crimes, they do cost money, and it seems as though you spent all your money on the wager. Oh, but there's going to be more once I win. Look, I've heard this before, but there are some things I can do for a price. Name one. Well, I can tell you what the floor. No one goes to Hank's for his spreadsheets.

They go for a darn good pizza. Lately, though, the shop's been quiet, so Hank decides to bring back the $1.00 slice. He asks Copilot in Microsoft Excel to look at his sales and costs to help him see if he can afford it. Co-Pilot shows Hank where the money's going and which little extras make the dollar slice work. Now, Hank says, line out the door.

Hank makes the pizza. Co-Pilot handles the spreadsheets. Learn more at M365Copilot.com slash work. Ryan Reynolds here from MintMobil. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same. premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities, so do like I did and have one of your assistance's assistants

assistants switch you to MintMobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. Seeful terms at mintmobile.com. What challenge is going to be? What would the price for that be? That would be 50 gold. I can also give you some...

Ooh... That's a cool song. Dangerous, uh... Dangerous if found, mushrooms that do a various variety of booms for your competitor during the game. I don't know if Tippy's ever dabbled in psychotropic AIDS. They're more physical than they are mental,

but I know a few gobbins who are using them. Uh, let's see. Do I have anything that I can offer? What if I showed you a talking spider? If you showed it to me? Yeah. Could I have a conversation with this spider? I suppose. I'm intrigued.

For that, I would give you the mushrooms. Okay. Loof? Would you please come out and have a conversation in which you do not kill this fine gentleman? Hello. I am Loof. I am your worst nightmare.

Can he understand that? Yes. I realize she speaks spiring. He can understand her, yes. Okay. Yes. Good question. And she says, I am made of the stuff of nightmares.

And I will crawl into your head and eat your brains from your nose hole. What? And she has a tiny gun. And she shoots her gun out and a web comes out and he goes, ugh. Uh, uh, oh, uh. Pretty cool, huh?

Okay, I got one question for you. What are you, what's the best part of riding around inside of a skeleton body? I can tell you the best part, and I can tell you the worst part. Oh, I didn't realize there was a downside to hang it with your uncle. Sorry, uncy fibs, but the best part

is feeling a sense of safety like I belong somewhere. Hmm. The worst part is that while it's skeletons, Cannot eat or drink. They sure can fart. Wow. This is news to me. And he goes.

Crazy lore. Skelter's going to fart? I don't understand how it works either. And he goes, huh. And he actually takes out a notebook and writes it down and goes. Don't write that. I'm going to write that down. Please don't write that.

Don't tell me with how I live. He says, you might be, I understand why a goblin might be friends with you. She's blaming me. You disgusting filth of a human heart. He hands over mushrooms to you. Two of each. All right. So you've got eight mushrooms.

One type is a hearty truffle, and it will return the user to full health. He explains this to you. One is a clover mushroom. which gives a next D20 roll advantage. This blush room, which gives you plus one to strength checks, and advantage on Constitution saves and checks. And the Brawlers button

that adds an extra 1D6 damage, and you have resistance to bludgeoning damage. All of these last for five minutes. Wow, I didn't realize there was so many indigenous mycoids in the area. There sure are. And we goblins do know the best ways to prepare them, to get the

bang for your buck. I think you already got all my bucks. Yep, got other business. Look, customers lining up, so... I look around, is there anyone? Nope. I turned back and he's gone. Yes, he's gone. Oh, he's fast.

Okay, business. Your job is to ask around about the judge. You want to know certain things about it. Yeah, my two goals are, I want to know about the judge, and I want to know about the other competitors. Yeah, okay, so you do see Glamgen. He is an old goblin with crusty, old gray hair, and he's dressed more in animal skins,

many, many animal skins. Every other goblin looks like they're wearing some version of leather armor. He is surrounded by goblin's most Goblins making shows of themselves. One goblin is doing cartwheels. One goblin, like, jumps from the stage and lands right on Glamgen's head. He shakes him off.

He knows what his job is. He's looking around at different people doing different performances. He's being brought different foods, different animals, that kind of thing. Can I kind of, like, by watching him, can I get a sense of, like, does he have a good poker face, or, like, can I see, like, if he's looking at something and kind of digging it, or if he's looking at something and he's like, ugh, gross pass. He's got a pretty good poker face, but go ahead and make an inside check.

Okay. Tight. That's a five. That's a five. Yeah, he's nodding, he's in gratitude as these people make their presentations and turning to the next goblin. Is there anything, is he like standing around or is he like at a table? Like what's around him? He is nearby a table that, yeah, like a bar table where he might set his chalice.

He's also got what looks like an advisor next to him. as well, a female goblin who's kind of corraling, arranging the goblins as to who can approach and who needs to hang back for a bit. Does she have a clipboard? This goblin? Yeah. Okay, so Busy is going

to sneak and see if she can get a peek of like the names of all the other competitors on the clipboard and see if there's any like relevant notes on there. Okay, okay, okay. So this will be a stealth check, see if she's noticing that. You got this biz. Big biz. 23. Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, you see many different names and all of them have some notes written by them. With a 23, you're able to see that there does seem to be this recurring theme in these notes. It's basically that she's written, seen it, seen it, seen it. Gotcha. Not all of them are filled up,

I would say about half at this point. Some of them are, you know, saying it's too gross or not goblin enough, but for the most part, it's seen it. And so that's what I can see that's on there? And you do see the names that have already been mentioned. You've seen the bus flogs. And you see Pekara's name as well.

Dog Nozzle. What does it say about Pekara? Nothing yet. Nothing yet? Okay. Bizzy is going to then go start, like, winding her way through the crowd and see if she could, like, overhear any of the competitors, like, talking to their teams. Yeah, you're able to pretty, I mean, with the banners, you're able to tell who's who.

Yeah. You can overhear. one conversation. Let's see a perception check. 11. 11. Okay, so this is Erki's team. Erki is the champion. Erki, Erki. And he does have a last name. It is Floodgunk. Flood gunk. Yep. Erky's team is discussing and she's saying that she might want to pull a prank on him, like basically remove all of the animal furs from him and just have him be chest bear in front of everybody and see what he

might think of that. Okay. There are plenty of other people you can listen to you as well. Yeah, I want to listen to just whoever is like I want to get an idea of like what their strategy is going to be. Okay, roll another perception check and pressing him. 11. 11. Okay, this is palba slampers. Palba slampers. How did I spend most of my prep? So Palba slampers's team is discussing how they might burn off all of the judge's hair, including his eyebrow hair. Oh, geez. Okay. I want to now, I guess, start, like, talking to sort of the, like, the people around. Oh, okay, yeah. You're able to strike a conversation, pretty charismatic. You approach a particularly

well-refined goblin. You get the sense that they may know a little bit more about this judge. And this goblin does not look like they've participated in any of the events. They're just kind of watching. They don't have any facial hair. They have smaller ears than most. And they've got kind of a raised eyebrow around the whole crowd, kind of being an objective critic. Well, hello, well met. Well, hello, well met.

And how are you on this beautiful goblin games? Well, all right. Yeah, well, look, skeleton. What do you want from me? Oh, I'm just, I'm here to like McMurray. It's a great party, is it not? Lovely, all of the various foods and smells. Yes, it is lovely, isn't it?

Are you enjoying yourself? I am, and my name is Busy. What's your name? My name is Zibber Swamp Spit. Zubber Swamp Spit? Just Zibber Swamp Spit. Zibber Swamp Spit. Zip Swip. Zip Swamp Spit.

Oh, it's very nice to meet you Ziver Swamp Spit. Are you competing today, or are you, uh, I just have to, I just have to ask, where did you get your training in small talk? It is exquisite. Oh my goodness, thank you so much. You know, I've been practicing a lot because people... Your small talk is making me feel inconsequential. Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, in a good way. You're doing great. Oh, that's great. Feel less, feel less, I guess. I'm glad that I can make you feel small. You know, I'm here with Tippy. All right. Tippy Terror Squad. Oh, yes, the earless one. Yeah, he's missing an ear.

Yes, the most notable thing about him, I've heard. It is not the most notable thing about him. Do you know that he took on the sky the veridia? I know. Take it it. Take it in it. I don't believe you. You don't believe me. No, but it seems that you want something from me.

You want my support for Tippy. Everyone's been clamoring after my support for the gods. I am looking for your support. Okay, I have not chosen a champion yet. Well, what are you looking for? Why not? Why wouldn't you choose a champion? What fun is it if you don't have anyone to cheer for? It would show my hand. I might decide right before the games tomorrow.

Oh, you're keeping it very close to the chest. Yes, I'm trying to see what Lombin thinks as well. Oh, so you're waiting to see if the judge... Well, if he's giving someone favor, I would like to give a favor to someone else. You want to give favor to someone that the judge is not going to get favor to? Yes. Do you not like the judge? Oh my God, spill the tea.

Tell me everything. Well, he just seems very specific in what he does appreciate. And it always is, look, it's like he's trying to be someone. He's not. He's always into what the kids are into. Oh, so he's like trying to be down with the kids. Yes, instead of going, well, what do I think? He's going, well, what's hip and hot today?

Oh, so he wants to be like on the cutting edge, like in front of the curve. But he doesn't know what that even means. Oh, he has his, look, he does get the young folk to tell him and everything, but it is performative. Oh, so does he do like any of the embarrassing young kid dances? Nothing like a dance, and he surely doesn't do it, but it is things like that that he does like. It's not really a dance that they think these days that the children are doing. Well, what are the kids around here doing? You know, just little things to show that they like each other.

Oh, so right now, what? What's like really hip is sincerity and like selflessness? No. Oh. So what's really hip right now is like big, bold, show, grand gestures. Grand gestures are really big right now. So I think it's a handful of different gestures, but I haven't quite figured out what it is yet. But it is like a gross show of affection.

Oh, oh he's in it for the drama. Sure. That is fantastic. But that's not what I'm into either. either. Well, what are you into? Well, I'll know exactly what I'm into as soon as the judge makes his call. Okay, I gotcha. Hey, it was really, really nice meeting you zip-z-z-z-z-z-z-lilo. Zibber. Zipper. Zipper. It was so nice meeting you. Yes, it was nice. It was really, actually, I mean, you was a skeleton. You really have changed my mind a little bit.

Lots of decorum with you. Oh, okay. Well, I'm glad I could be one of the good ones. I'm just going to go over here. It was very nice to meet to you. And Busy just walks off like, I feel dirty. I feel super gross. Okay. And you're trying to approach your brother and sister.

I'm trying to just beeline to to Juck and Tog. Juck and Tog. They are together. They do have their own squad supporting them, but you're able to find them immediately remember what they look like. And you know they're there, they notice you right away. How long has it been since I've seen them? So in Gobolneers, you're seven, seven years old?

I'm like eight. Eight or nine or something, yeah. But that's about 21. So it's definitely been five years. It's been five years. Yeah, maybe over five. Since you were two. And Juck and Tog, what do they look like?

So they are taller than you. They're actually like four foot two, four foot three. And they're big and burly, muscular. Tog, she's got a Mohawk, and Juck is completely bald. Both of them are completely inked up, tatted everywhere. Brother, sister. Didn't think you'd see me again, huh?

Well, look who it is. Look who it is, Tog, it's little tippy. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, man, look at that guy. How are you still alive? Oh, I haven't missed you two. I just want you to know I'm completing in the, I'm competing in the Goblin Games.

What was that? I want you to know I'm competing in the Goblin Games, and I'm not here to lose. Tippy, what are you talking about? I'm different now. The Tippy that you used to push around, well, he's dead. He literally died.

Well, speaking, okay. I died. when I was weak, lame tippy, and then I came back, strong tippy. And also I got a gun. That has a lot to do with it. Oh, are you still fiddling with little contraptions, like guns? Oh, fiddling?

Well, let me show you something, and I go, like three shots, like rapid succession in the air. Well, let me show you something and grabs you and gives you like a nuggy on your head. Ah, remember this? I don't like that! And I try to throw him off with me. Oh, amazing.

Yeah. Okay, so go and make an acrobatics check. Okay. That's gonna be! 22. Damn. 18 plus four. Okay, and you're very able to like make a throw jug.

Yeah. Down to the ground and he goes, look. I put my foot on him and I point the gun right at his head. Damn. Jesus. Okay, okay, okay. Uh-huh. It's a little different when Tippy's got a gun.

Oh my. Okay, okay, get off, get off. Say I'm smelly and weak. Well, I like that I'm smelling. Oh, say I'm clean and smart. No. I cocked the hammer back. Say it. Say it, say it, say it, say it, Jack. Oh, I'm clean and smart.

Oh, clean it smart. And say you love skeletons. I would know, I love skeletons. Say it. And I take my foot off of him, I'm like, he's scrammed, you little. And so he does, he like kind of backs away, but Tog is laughing and goes, Wow, Chip, it seems like you have grown.

So, since you're here, I do have a question. Yeah? You took Dad's Frog in a jar when you left. Yeah, so? Do you have it? Do I have it? No. I lost it, but that was...

What's the point of that? Why are you bringing up the frog? You were never punished for it, because you left. Well, I don't think I deserve to be punished because I went through punishment enough. Tell it to Lump. Daddy. I thought he wasn't coming to the game. to the game. I thought he doesn't, he's above stuff like this. Well, he's not competing. He's not gonna be here though.

Maybe. You're not here yet. Well, I'm not afraid of him anymore. And if he wants to do something about the frog, well, I say come and do something about the frog. Well, just like there are ways to help people out at the games. There are ways to hinder opponents, too. Well, just know, I'm out to hinder you with my gun and bullets. That's right.

No, I'm gonna get you. I've got a new family now. We're called the Terrace Bligh. Oh, look, you just collect families, don't you? Get adopted here, go get adopted there. Sounds like you're just moving from family to family. No one actually wants you. No, I didn't ask to be adopted.

I didn't ask. And I didn't ask to be part of your savage, animal-herding, goblin ways. I just wanted to build things, things that loved me. And that's why your first family, I sold you and that's why our family sold you. Well, you know what?

My new family loves me. And that's something you'll never know. Oh, get out of here. I think I will. I'll see you around the games, punk. And I walk away towards my friends, but trying to see if the judge is looking at any of this. The judge has taken, I mean, a lot of goblins have taken note.

You just threw another goblin. If the judge is looking at me, I want to wink at him. Okay, yeah. You can't get the judge and you walk away. The three of you are able to reconvene back at the party. A dance has started and one thing that you do notice is that Picara has many, many goblins asking her to do kind of a doce-do dance with her

and she is dancing with another fellow goblin. I try not to look. Okay. Yeah, hey. Hey, guys. She does. Can dance with her. You know, I-

Might be able to learn some of her tactics. You know, just for the goblin games, that's all. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. Are we a family? Yeah. Okay, good, because I made like a big stink of it back there with my old family. I mean, you have a niece that lives inside of my body.

I guess I am an unky. Oh, weird, I said unky. Yeah, that's a bad mouth feel. Well, before I go dance, what'd you guys learn? So I learned. Apparently, the judge really wants to be hip with the kids. And something that all of the kids that are doing now, I mean, I guess it'd be like a gobposal

where they're doing these, like, really huge shows of, like, affection in front of other people. Okay. And that is something. Like a love bombs situation? But not actual bombs. More the other definition of love bombing. So no real bombs.

I want to be very clear that you should not throw a bomb at Bacora. Gunpowder. No gut powder. No kegger. No, no, we're not turning this kangar into a rager. Okay. The only thing you want raging is you want to get Pecora's heart raging and get her away, I think, from all of those other little lame dosy-doin goblins.

And if you make a big deal of showing her that you're really cool and you want to dance with her, that might actually impress the judge and make you get the judge's favor. So it's not for love, it's strategic. I can do that. Dance with Pecor so the judge gives me favor. Nothing about that is romantic. I could do that. I also got you a bunch of mushrooms. Oh, I don't know if I'm ready for that level of experimentation.

Trust me, you gotta want these shrooms. Okay. Open your mind and your body to new experiences. Yeah, you want to open the doors of perception. I mean, I'll do it if you do it. I would just fall through my mouth. And can I ask a favor? Yeah.

If a big goblin comes around and he's got nipple rings, that's my dad. And I'd rather not have to deal with him. So just, like, my brothers and sisters said something about hindering, they might try to mess with our game. That's what the mushrooms are for. Okay. Are you just, you want me to get higher? No right now.

Tomorrow. All right, all right. Before the big game. When it's important. Yeah. Before the end of the night, Judge Glamgen has not chosen. who to give favor to yet. Is there anything you'd like to do in order to gain favor?

Yeah, I walk straight up to Pecora, Pekara, and I look at the judge and I go, Oh, Judge, Mr. Judge, I hear you've got a soft heart for a soft heart, and I'm here to claim this dance, my lady, and I put my hand out to Pekora. And Pekara says, Oh, that's nice.

My dance cards full for the rest of the night, actually. Oh, really? Maybe there's room for one more. Maybe somebody you'd like to dance with you and maybe... Is that why you said the judge's name in your speech and not mine? Okay. I feel like I owe you an apology. And I want to say, Baccarra, I'm sorry.

But you don't know the things that I worry about. I can't stop thinking about you, but not like what you think. I just can't stop thinking about you getting hurt, and I worry about you. And I don't, I'd never let anything hurt you. I'd die for you. So what's the apology?

You said, I'm sorry, I'm so scared? I'm sorry, I'm the way that I am. Oh. Yeah, me too. No, Pecora, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, I'm sorry that I, I'm sorry I didn't appreciate everything you've done for me. Mm-hmm. You stood by my side and you really cared about me and I, I sort of gave you the cold shoulder.

But maybe it's time to warm the shoulders up with a dance. Am I saying my... Bivs in Biss, you're both leaning him, giving huge thumbs up like, I think she's buying. I said it, warm our shoulders up. I feel crazy. Things are coming out of me that I don't expect. That's not good.

Tibby, I stood by your side when you were getting resurrected. She's doing this while she's dancing with someone else. Sorry, sorry. Sit by your side where you were getting resurrected. And I thought that when you made that grand gesture, you were doing it to save me. Then you got killed and had a new lease on life and immediately threw it away. You thought you said... I didn't throw it away.

You don't understand. I... I... I love you. Is this for one? the judge then. No, it's for you. I love you and because I love you I'm scared. And because I'm scared, I don't think I can be with you because it kind of feels like death follows me around. Okay, so this is the same conversation we've already had. So I don't know why you're telling me this again.

Just dance with me. Just please. I'll dance with you but I don't understand what you're trying to convince me of. I grab Pecora and go off to dance. And you start dancing and she does kind of soften in your arms a little bit and you're doing the docee dough and you see her frustration kind of melt away and she's having a good time. She says, all right, Tippy, I can't be bothered with this right now. I've got a competition to win. Listen, listen, I want to be champion to protect you.

And I know you don't need much protecting, you've got your gun back, but you got to understand. Tipy. Hold on. You gotta understand that I didn't know love. I didn't have it. My relative speed on me. They made fun of me for wanting love. And when I met you, I thought I felt something new.

And then all I felt was fear. So everything I've done is because I'm afraid. But if I know that I have your support and I can keep you safe, Well, I guess I could shoot just about or do just about anything. All right, Tippy. Well, I want to talk to you about this, but you've just made an entire argument about yourself. You've asked me nothing about myself.

You know nothing. You don't know the hardships I've had to. You don't even know what I'm afraid of. You're right. Thank you so much for telling me. You're right. I don't deserve you. But I just want you to know that, well, that's how I feel.

It's all on the table. As long as you understand that my strength, doesn't come from me holding a gun. Okay, that's crazy, because I thought it did. No. Okay, wow. No. I'm strong because I am who I am.

Yeah, you are. And I'm really comfortable with that. Yeah, you are. If I was ever going to be with a goblin, they would have to be really comfortable with who they are. What about a goblin who's working on it? I'll see you at the games, Tipy. I'll see you at the games.

And at that moment, the romance has ended The judge has turned his head away and he actually... He actually... You just posted dreams, bro. Damn it. His assistant actually announces, The person who shall gain Blomgen's favor tomorrow is Pecara Donknozzle,

for she gave the judge Glomgen a wet willie. What? So gross. Gross. I thought that was our thing, but okay. And as you are dealing with some complicated emotions, that is where we will end this episode. Yes, that is it for Suggers of Sundry Goblin Mode.

Tune in next time for some goblin games. The war is over and both sides lost. Kingdoms were reduced to cinders, an army scattered like bones in the dust. Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins. This is old-school adventuring at its most cruel. Your torch ticks down in real time, and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story.

that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s. And man, it is so good to be back. Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the Shadow Dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube.com slash the Glass Cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark. Look, we all know there are a lot of celebrity interview podcasts out there, but there's only one happy, sad, confeder.

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