Critical Role & Sagas of Sundry - C2E8 The Gates of Zadash

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

The group decides upon a name and leaves Alfield, heading back on the open road to Zadash... though not without having to deal with the dangers of the road. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We all thought to be heard that time. Yeah, it helps when you all say it at once because it just becomes noise at that point and nothing really affects me. I find it funny, it amuses. So yes, welcome. Before we jump into tonight's game, let's go through some quick announcements. First and foremost, we have returning our fantastic sponsor and partner for the beginning of this campaign into the foreseeable future. D&D Beyond! D&D Beyond! Sam, do I have a...

Guys, check out dnDbiond.com. They're giving away a legendary bundle on their Facebook page. The legendary bundle contains every digital source available on DNDBeyond. All reference books, including a pre-order for Morden Kynan's Tome of Fos. Go to facebook.com slash dendibyond.

Check out that top-pinned post for instructions. Last week, as you all know, I sent out a request saying, Send me your stories of D&D Beyond. Mail me your stories, so I got some viewer mail to read. Oh. Dear Sam, you're my favorite on critical role. Don't tell Travis.

Fucking Dix. Also a big fan of D&D Beyond, but had one question was that you I saw in Studio City running around covered only in mayonnaise. If so, what the hell do? I don't know what that is. Dear Sam, I own a convenience store. We have your show on our TV all.

the time. Love you is not, but please be aware I filed an injunction to keep you 100 feet away from the store. We have you on camera stealing jars of mayonnaise and smearing them all over your body. P.S. D&D. Beyond Rocks. Okay. Dear Sam, to answer your question, no, we do not consider 16 jars of Hellman's mayonnaise slathered over your naked body, appropriate attire for our furry convention. No, it does not matter if you use Cool Whip instead. Your credentials have been revoked, please stop asking. There's nothing even about D&D Beyond in that one. But hey, D&D Beyond! I didn't realize mayonnaise could be a fersona, but I guess we all learned something tonight.

Thank you, Sam. In the snow. It's great camouflage. I think Matt went dead inside. I know. I was going on. I was like, what is going on, Sam? Thank you, Sam. I guess if someone at this table used to go to furry adventures. Nothing wrong with that. Unless you're covered mayonnaise.

That does not go well with the fur. Exactly. All right, so another reminder. Those of you have Amazon Prime. You can go on Twitch and you can your Prime account to subscribe for free to any channel you want to every month here. And I think they have a new, they just put out an email to Prime members that they have a new way of making sure

that it notifies you whenever your subscription's up so you can know when that's happening, which is pretty useful. Also, talks to Machinaw, of course. This course is every Tuesday night at 7 PM Pacific here on Twitch and Project Alpha, hosted by our fantastic Brian W. Foster. Hey! Hey!

You know a friend's name. That's gonna be your announcement from now on. Cabbage Man Foster as a fantastic host of the show. You can check him out next week. Thank you, Brian. Podcast of last week's episode is available. We're all fine podcasts are downloadable. So if you want the audio version, or your friends are listening to the audio versions,

they can find it now and be caught up after this episode, I guess. Did I have a pencil? Yeah. I'm talking! I'm sorry, I just saw that she had pencils. I have a bunch as well. Yeah, it's okay.

He's up to all of our fans who are gonna be at Emerald City Comic-Con. Our good friends, the Dark Horse, were we selling the print version of Oxmuckina Origins, number one. They already are, aren't they? It's happening. That's right, it's already there.

It's already there. There's copies for us in this building somewhere. No way. Are there? You don't have it. Why would you tell it? You got it. Just leave it there.

There's limited numbers. Yeah, they only have a thousand copies, so if you're going to get one and get it soon. That's it? Yeah, that's it. They might be gone already. We'll see. It's gone. You got it.

Well, it's only five copies per person per day, so. Oh, yeah, well. We'll see how that works out. But yeah, that's StarCourse Booth 1708 at the event, so if you're going to be there, look for that. Also, you'll be able to look for these two folks. You guys are flying out to that tomorrow, right? Maybe. Early, early.

Early, early. We'll be there around like noon 30 for our first panel of the day. Yeah, we have a couple critical old things around us. That's true. Yeah. Come say hi. Do it. Issue 5 of the comic book, by the way. Goes up March 7th.

So next week, you'll be able to check out the fifth comic, the next stage in the story. It's character development. It's pretty awesome, actually. So I'm excited if you guys check out. I'm excited to read it myself. So keep out for that. You can fight it on Dark Horse's Digital Comics, platform, Comicsology, and many of the places you can find on the Ginketsyre website that I didn't

bother to put down. Also, once again, reminding the 826 LA and A26 in general is our partner friend charity from the very beginning of this whole stream and we're still pushing them because they're amazing. Check them out if you haven't had the chance. They do great work and maybe you can do great work with them. Either by helping support them. Yeah, we're volunteer. Go volunteer. Go start a D&D Club. Get them up.

It's going to be great. So thank you guys. Kids and D&D are hilarious. Yeah. It's amazing. And then as a heads up, I'll be at Lexington Comic and Toy Convention next weekend in Kentucky. So if those of you guys who are in that vicinity, come say hello to me. Exactly. The hometown? Well, really.

An hour and a half else on my hometown? Partial, yeah. Relatively, it's fine. So yeah, come hopefully see me there. We'll have events and signings and all kinds of good stuff. So, yay. I think that's almost all the announcements, I think. We're alive.

Right, right. Just came out on Project Alpha. with the amazing horror effescianado, Ivan Van Norman. It's awesome, it's based on the We're Alive Podcast, this is the We're Alive Frontier. It's, oh man, you guys have to go watch it. And next week is the first episode of my new show with Mr. Matt Key, Key Question.

Yeah, Key Question. That's on Tuesday. How excited about that one? Oh, it's gonna be good. Got some good shit on it. Been looking at the edits. So yeah. Awesome.

Go watch. Flat pants. And. And I think it's it, right? Oh, well, there's one little thing, which is that Travis and I are having a baby. Oh, yeah. That's the truth. Yeah.

So that's currently available in the store right now. Limited number. Limited quality. And it's got one. Available where you can find all babies. Very excited to not have to hide it on the show anymore. Yeah. Thanks for blocking my belly.

Certainly. Your turn to block mine. Yay! We got our new creator coming. That's right. Oh yeah. And we roll the character sheet for our CD on our announcement. I'm like a bladder kick.

That was pretty great. If you guys haven't seen it yet on Lauren Travis's Twitter, you can go and see the announcement page. It's pretty adorable. I like her s' plaws, poops his pants. It's a pretty big flaw. It is. And for some people, have strength. I don't know.

The baby is sitting playing Dungeons and Dragons with us. Right now. Right now. No. The baby is being watched by so many people. Oh, don't be shy, baby. It's okay. Are you guys gonna hold a critter contest to name your child? What a good idea, Sam.

No! Son of him, darn good. Some of the suggestions to at-Lor v.O. You're definitely like to stringing me on Twitter. Oh, live streaming the birth. We're gonna periscope the birth, right? My goal is to go into labor while we're playing on a Thursday night.

We laugh now. How great would that be? Oh, man. We hold the game once in that back office, so we could just move to you. Exactly. Just do it in the last for them. Dwarven forge, dwarven porch, dwarf.

On that note, congratulations the two of you guys. We're all super excited for you. And with that, And with that, let's go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role. Welcome back, and welcome back, Laura, when she gets done using the restroom. So, where we left off, you guys have been traveling northward into the Merrow Valley, eventually making your way towards the city of Zadash. Along the way, you were passing by the city of Allfield, just past the sunset,

as an incursion of a no-war band began to set fire to a number of the buildings. You rushed in to aid, some of the denizens there, jumped in under the watch of Bryce, the watchmaster there, and managed to slay a few, but they managed to escape with a number of bodies and living members of the community. You were then given the opportunity to make some money and to wreak some proper vengeance for this town by finding out where these knolls were and retrieve those who were still living and or the bodies of those that needed to at least be given a proper burial. Along that path, you discovered this underground network of what was an abandoned mind where they had apparently been holing up.

While you were traveling down there and battling with these knolls as you did, you encountered a new ally, this individual named Shikasta. Chakasta, and his amazing little dark coming bird, and all of you together managed to make your way through, save a number of lives, pardon me, encounter what seems to be the priest of these, these knollish creatures who have been using these members of the town

to help feed a mother Mantikor. To retrieve some of the living members, you managed to get into battle with it, not slew the baby Mantikor drawing its ire, and you all, by the skin of your teeth, took both the priest and her out, and in doing so, saved the lives of those that were within, retrieved a small bounty of things that were caught

within the nest and the priest's corpse, and made your way back to town. Upon arriving, anything for that bunch, that's Sam. That's gift to you guys. Upon returning, the sun had set. A number of members of the city of Allfield

began to thank you for what you've done. They began to come out into the streets and begin to make small campfires and play music and basically take this moment to both grieve and be thankful that there are individuals who will stand up and show strength in the face of darkness even this far out on the edges of the Empire. In this time, you realize right about now that your new friend, Chakasta, seems to have vanished from the vicinity. You glance about and at a quick look, he's gone.

Where did Chacosta go? I don't know. He's very mysterious. He's the coolest. He's like the wind. Maybe he was the traveler. What does that mean, the traveler? The traveler.

What does that mean? It's like a deity. Well, yeah, mostly, yeah. Oh. I mean, he takes many forms. Do you worship the traveler? Maybe I'm the traveler. Okay, maybe she doesn't worship the traveler.

I mean, yeah, sure. I worship him, sure. He's more like my best friend. Jester, don't you think that if that was a traveler, he would have said like, hey, I'm the traveler. Probably. He didn't seem very irreverent in the way the traveler seems to be. Yeah.

How do you know what the traveler's like? Do you hang out with the traveler too? No, but I hang out with you. Oh, right. Well, he's probably not the traveler then. But maybe. He was good. He was. He was pretty cool. He was talented. Are you okay, Caleb? You went a little quiet there for a little while. Is that your first time killing something or somebody? He was burned alive in front of me.

Yeah, you did that though. I am well aware that I killed that person. I have nothing else to say. Why is everyone looking at me? We were just, yeah. I'm concerned. We were worried. Kind of went and do it like a state, just making sure you're all right. I'm okay. All right, yeah.

It was terribly grisly, his hair was on fire and he burned horribly. Maybe it went a little further than I anticipated. I have killed people before in defense, yeah. But not like that. Well, there's one surefire way to make sure that he's all right, which is we have to get sure that he's all right, drunk, on something really expensive, and listen to the stories of all the people we just saved.

And so you can feel better about everything that just happened. Okay, that sounds good. And we're going to spend a ridiculous amount of the money we just made. I'm okay with that. Hi, Sue. Oh, didn't we get some items as well? Oh yeah. Oh, yeah.

Who ended up had that stuff? Who ended up had that stuff? Apparently, I raised my hand in this group. Does that just happen? Yeah, we have a silver ring with a little blue gem on it. Can I have it? Hold on a second. I like rings.

Just fucking pace yourself, all right? We don't like rings. The bling is gonna come your way, all right? We have a carved wand. Anybody have a wand that is not carved? Is it a stick? It is. I like sticks.

Oh shit. Well. Yeah. And we got some chain manacles, there's some big sons of bitches with a bunch of runes on the cuffs. Oh. I like manacles.

Who ended up in grabbing the goggles? Did I grab the goggles? I got them off the priest. You did, yes. Oh, I'm gonna pull them out. Take a look at them. Okay. Those are fancy.

It's like a, the base of them is a soft leather that's been cured and taken care of once you manage to wipe off some of the blood and soot. from the remains of the previous owner. But it's a set of goggles that can be comfortably placed over your head, and the glass elements or the lenses of them have like a bluish-purple sheen to him. Would you like to know what they are before you put them on? Too late, man.

It's like 13 ghosts. No, I don't know. What does it look like? Is it like a kaleidoscope? When you place them over your eyes, Because immediately in the vicinity, there's the few small bonfires people have gathered around,

other than that it's a dark night sky with stars peeking through the elements of the clouds that have broken apart. It looks like a cloud front is still blowing in from the eastern side of the valley, but from a little bit of the sky, you can see the stars are there. Upon placing the lenses over your eyes,

you have clear definition of all the nearby buildings, the dark alleyways. You have a very clear perspective on anything that is not directly being hit by firelight, and the firelight is almost a little too bright. Holy shit, you guys. Is this what you can see all the time? I don't know what does it look like.

It's like I can, like I can, like I can see things. Look over here. Yeah? You look like a nerd. I can deal with that. It's fine. That's great.

Can see you shit. Yeah, it's important. Okay, I'm curious. Can I try them on really quick. Do they fit over you? No, I'm gonna un-stitching them on strap. It's like, it tugs all of your horn jewelry and under it in an uncomfortable way.

All right, there we are. Jiggle, jangle, jiggle. No fact, actually. Yeah, it's just nothing. Lies. Hey, Caleb. Can you see through my clothes? Do you want me to see through your clothes?

No. Nah. I remember you have an ability to identify it. I don't have ability, I understand certain magics. And if you want me to explain what those things are before you try them really, nearly, yes, I can tell you. Oh, then look at the ring that I want. May I see it?

Absolutely, here's the silver ring with a blue gem. Yeah. You know, I'm just going to check D&D beyond. If I, yeah, no, you know, I'm all tapped, but. Maybe you could just look at it and see with your smarts. I would tell you something. He totally just took the ring from you. I know.

I'm here. I don't need to have this ring. I can tell you what it is. Do you have, identify as a spell? I do, but I need a pearl, I say to Ford. I need a very, I need a somewhat valuable pearl, and I can do it all day long. I can know what anything is.

Well, even though I am tired. Do I hear the rings that I have on my fingers have a pearl on them? How about the one that I stole from her? The ring that would have the pearl on is no longer on your hand, and the one that you have does have set into it a fairly nice pearl. You're a pearl! Would you? Is that worth about a hundred gold pieces?

Definitely. Can you try? Oh yes, let me scan up borrow. Yeah, do it. Okay. I want it back there. Okay. I need about...

It's not instantaneous. Since I am so tired, it takes me a little bit longer, and I wedge out one of my books, and I set it on the ground. Instead of sitting a book on the ground, let's sit on a table. At a bar. A proper bar. Or stop. Well, it's up to you. I haven't done this in a while, and I'm excited to do it, but I could hold off a little longer. I require a drink and Lombard's support. Yeah. Okay, I take the book and I close it and then I put it back.

Do you want to need the caveats for you? No, I have both the ring and the one that Fort gave me. So if it's good for you, you may have it. I'm more interested in executing skill. Okay. Yeah. Molly, I need something from you. Yes.

Find us a fucking bar. On it. Should we just go to the feed and mead? Let's do it. Or somewhere else. I hope they have milk. Because the candle glow in is a fucking toast. I'm going to just literally yell at the top of my lungs

in the middle of the crowd. I'm looking for the crowd. the best pub in this bloody town. As soon as you finish screaming, you turn around and go face to face with Kruit, the kind of rather rough-looking dwarf who runs the Feeding Meed, where you guys been staying, and he goes,

Oh, that would be my place where you're staying. All right. Everyone around is like, but he's already kind of got your attention. So he leads you guys back to the familiar Feeding Mead, which where it's been empty previously where you guys were staying there, now that seems to be that there's a little bit of air celebration.

That's where you guys are going. Other people are following, and it seems the party's kind of going where you're going. So as you enter the place, Crout seems excited because now all of a sudden there's a burst in clientele. Pop crawl. And as you begin to order your drinks, many of the various villagers prevent you from paying

and you guys, for the rain to the evening, your drinks are on the town of all fields. Very generous. Very, very generous. Fucking drink up. Drink up. As before we even got into the building, I go over to knot and I adjust the hood a little bit further forward. My ears tucked back in?

The air's in, and I make sure that the mask is secure. Have fun. Okay, you're really all right, Caleb. Yeah, I'm okay. It's a rough night. I know, but you went a bit cacotonic. I did. Did you see anything or have a vision? I don't know.

Oh, I did not see a vision. I saw burning Perth and... All right. But they were bad. All right. Anybody who tries to buy me a drink, I slip a silver into their pocket. Let me know how low we get. Ooh. Okay. They're common folk for the most part, so nobody seems to notice. Yeah. And those that even do watch are aren't gonna argue. So we'll say, now is that just drinks on you?

Any time they're trying to buy us, anytime we let them buy us drinks, I'm just gonna put a silver in any of any of his pocket who's buying the strings. Okay. rounds you guys want, that'll push you down about two gold probably by the time the night's done. So. I'm just going to keep getting shots and pouring them into my flask and going up and asking for another. Fair enough. Make it three gold. Yeah, you're going to spend time. I'm going to find a corner table in the ruckus and I will take the ring with the pearl and I hold it right here and I put it.

pull out the other ring and I look at it and I just begin to focus and study the different angles of it and hope that I have a pearl of enough failure to make things happen. I'm going to sit next to Caleb and watch it all happen. It is riveting. Don't you need to pull out your book

so you can look at your spells? It's already out. Oh. You know, when you play D&D, you don't Don't narrate taking a pooper, but you can assume that the characters take a pooper every day. While, this is true. Something's just happened.

While he's doing, everything he's doing, I'm going to try to very subtly draw a dick in his book. Make a slide of hand check. It's a dick in a book. A dick in a book, oh. Natural dick 20. Wow. 20.

That's what I'm goddamn. All right. So yes, the pearl is enough for you to focus in this. Yes. The ring is here. This is our first item? You know what that is. It's our first item!

Oh. What is it, Caleb? This is good. You may have it. I don't, you know, I don't get into water too much as you could guess. This is good for walking yourself upon water. So you take this as promised.

That's right. You can stand on and move across any liquid surface? Yeah, but also why is there a dick butt in my spellbook? Where did that come from? What is... Maybe it was not pulling a prank on me. Probably, it was probably not. Wow, this ring is so cool.

Hey, Caleb, are you, now, are you exhausted from that experience? We do have other items to... No, I don't need... Well, I do want one drink, but I don't need a ton of drinks. and this is my thing. So what else did we get? We have a, it looks like a carved stick, wand. I will take the wand.

Yep. Thank you. Okay. These big fucking chain manacles I'm just kind of over my shoulder like. I need another 10 minutes, so forth would you get, just get me a second whiskey, and by the time you get back maybe,

I will understand what this is. Fucking waitress. 10 minutes later. Yes, later. Look at the majesty. D-D-D-D-Di-Ding. It's a wand and ditty butts. How fortunate.

That's the do I tell them or do I not? It's fascinating. Do you know how to use ones? Of course I do. Is she full of shit? What do I roll? What do I hold? What do I hold?

I got a 15. She seems to be on the level. Yeah, on the level. This is too dangerous for you to have. I'm keeping this one. No, what's hell. No, it's for me. I gave you the ring.

That's the deal. I promised it to you and now you have it. What's the wand do? Yeah, I was gonna say, you can just share. You have to tell us. If I tell you, you will try to steal it from me. No, no, I swear, I won't. Unless it's a one that makes donuts or pickles,

then I probably won't try to steal it. Probably. No, it's too dangerous. No. Caleb! I'm taking his drink away. This is my... Now it's definitely going to be stolen.

We have one more item. Not that I don't love my posture being corrected. Do you want to know what it does? Yes. I will show you what it does. Bring a wand and manacles. What is it? Wait, he's doing it. He's casting the wand.

He's doing the wand. I point this stick at Chester. Okay. Is it a wisdom? Is it a wisdom? It is a disdus a dund. Charisma saving throw. Oh, boy. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, boy. First party death. Insta death. Okay, okay, okay. A lot of necracy. Ooh. Why would you eat? 12.

Oh, it's just a stick. Yeah. Oh, didn't do anything? No. Told you. Yeah. That's a very low DC. Because I rolled shit.

A low what? A DC. A DC. That's a nine, right? A D.C. A D.C. Mine! Maim!

Mastery! How about these them, they're chain manacles so I can get my spine back in alignment? Now, I promise... You look like you're into some shit. You can have these back because I cannot lift them on. Would you put them on the table for me? On to the table. They're fucking huge.

All right. You finished the spell? It is, they are not magical. They once were, and you can tell by the ruins that at the base of where the manacles cling together, they were at some point sealed, but whatever enchantment was on them has been released. And the manacles. Tell me they're super valuable. That was a fucking bitch to plug around. They're a very strange one.

These make, if you're feeling gassy, they take away the cramps you feel. So you have to wear them. It's kind of, you know, extraneous, it's too much. Seems extreme. It's all for kill. Yeah, all right. Well, mysterious Wander. What is it? Yeah, I was to say, it's a lot of good metal.

We can always solve for scrap metal. To the blacksmith. I like that more. There's also the glave. I have a glade! Look at this glyph! Is it like a pendant off of the priest? No, no, no, there was a glove.

I definitely punched the table. Oh, yeah, the red glove! These are shit, and I slide them off the table and let them... Shhh, everyone is near in the vicinity all of a sudden turns as this loud, heavy clatter of metal chains. Sorry, no, we're just going through stuff. Back to your drinks, everything's fine. I want to do it again. What do we have? Give me the thing? A glaive. Okay.

Okay. Big thing. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Is it too dangerous for me to have? No, this is great. It's very powerful. It is a fine weapon.

Probably better than anything except maybe for your blade. Is anyone able to use a glave? I can't do anything with it. What is a glave? What is a glave? A glave is a... It's a pole arm with like a giant axe. It's a wax blade at the top of it. It's used for...

It's used for... It's a two-handed weapon? It's... Yeah. Is it something that I could use? It's a two-handed weapon, yeah. Can I use a two-handed weapon? Well, you could, yes.

Oh, I have a shield. You have a shield. You have to get rid of your shield, and I have to go down. I have to see if you have the capability to even use it. I don't think you know, you know simple weapons? Yeah. Let me double check here all fast. As far as I know.

I need to get a better weapon, though, you guys, because this sickle doesn't do much. It doesn't do much. It's very pretty. It's really cool looking, right? That's why I got it. Well, and I'm... How's it balanced? Is it good?

That's very nice. You weren't proficient with glaves, unfortunately. Do you know what this is? It is a very good sale at a pawn shop. Yeah. So none of us can we just... Well, what does it do? Because how much is it worth?

Well, it is just, it's very painful if it hits you. Okay. That's it. So it is magical. It's... Most definitely it is magical, yes. It's stronger than your average clave. That's what I'm saying, yeah.

Great, yeah. I have a feeling that no one in this town could afford it right now. But when we get to Zedash. Sadash. Probably. And I might know a few contacts that might want something. You know people in Sadesh?

I know people everywhere. I'm writing magic glave. Oh yeah, who's keeping stuff? Are you our stuffkeeper? Who's got the oven mitt? Who's got the monster calves to carry this, how you go? Oven mitt? Be smoothed teeth, but.

Red oven mitt. Who's got it? I don't know. I don't know. Who had the red oven mitt? Was it on the priest? I think you got it, yeah. I got it.

I got it. I'm just looking at you while I say it the whole time. I've got my goggles and I'm just like. I grabbed the nose piece and go, I just punched him in the shoulder really long. Yeah, your left arm goes numb for a while. Pull out the oven mid. Oh my goodness, yeah.

But like 45 minutes has gone by looking at all this stuff. You guys have all got it more intoxicated. Not me because I drink milk. That's right, that's right. And not me, because I've just been getting them in whole. Getting them and pouring them. Like that'll blame the age them. What is it?

Can you shoot fire from your hands? Can you shoot lightning from your hands? Can you catch things really well? Make a very good macaroni in chief. It just puts it away. Like Caleb looking at our shit and just looks at it feels it. He puts the wand down in front of chest. What's what the other meant?

This is the wand. This is the wand. This is just it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It hurts people, so you're gonna hang on to it. Oh, this is a great one. Do you know how to use arcane artifacts? It doesn't matter if I know how to use arcane artifacts.

Stuff that hurts people could still be beneficial to our cause because other people wanna hurt us. I mean, she has a point. I'd know how to use arcane artifacts. Yeah, why don't you see a Ford once then? I point the one that not I rolled a four. You watch from beneath the mask.

I pulled the mask down. The edges of the Toothy Goblin grin curl into this uncontrollable smile that threatens to crack the sides of her face. Oh my goodness. That's really creepy, not. I can't stop! How can we make it stop? I got it down! Oh, no!

Oh, no. Why is so serious? Why so serious? I hurt! Oh, I think it lasts for a while. Oh, God! It's painful! At this point you watch as these two kind of young farm boys

that were in there, drinking the back and watching, listening in, just staring and not and backing away slowly to the back in the room. We gotta go. It's okay. We're going to go. And they just leave the room and everyone else's kind of looking over. Yeah, it's kind of a bit of a scene.

The wand of smiles. Yes, it's a wand to smile. You, they have to roll a DC of 10 for a Christmas saving throw. We'll be forced to smile for a minute. Yes. Awesome. That's the cutest fucking one. I love it.

I love it. I would if it works on animals. We'll find out. Oh, my goodness. Oh, Frumpkin. What? Frumpkin's gone. He's not gone.

He's always. with me and you will be back tomorrow. Okay. Back to the glove thing though. Yeah, it burns people like I burnt that man. Oh. Oh. Well, you don't want to keep it, then you hate burning people.

Exactly. That's not fair for you to put your issues onto literal inanimate objects. Would you like to trade your goggles for them? Ooh. No. I can't use Arcane shit, but he can. You have that very fancy sort you have.

Yeah, but, you know, sometimes you need batting gloves. Does it mean that much to you? Would you like it? I'd like to see it. Okay. Here it is. Yep. Hold on. That's a fucking glove of fire. You have to think. Do you think. Do you think.

Yeah, you have to stick it on your forehead. Does it require a tune? No, it's good, he's good. Yeah. So after putting it on, you would actually know the properties of it. Oh, sweet. Cheers. What are the properties of it?

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What's it do? Yeah, scorching ray. Spell, a little plus five. So what, you think? I just want to cast it. I'm sorry that I cast it for myself. Enjoy. I will not take any of the spoils of anything we find anywhere.

Enjoy. Okay, you didn't frame it that way, though. You put it under the guise of this is bad, this hurts people. Here, Caleb. It does hurt people. You seem very angry at me right now. I'm just wondering what your deal is. Look, this ring is perfect for you.

That way if we get near water, you don't go in it. Slowly, ever so slowly beginning to like you, so please don't fuck it out. I think, I think that we should all say thank you to Caleb for identifying. Identifying our own! Seconds, yes. Yes, you're doing. Yeah. Well done.

That's not the issue. But shears. And not, may I say, What people do. Not, may I say thank you for saving my life because I was in a fucking pickle in there and if you hadn't gone and slaughtered that little baby man of cor, I'd have been fucked.

So thank you. Hi, you're welcome. And thank you for saving my life? Did I save your life? Did I save your life? Didn't you give me a potion? I did. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Thank you. I woke up and you were over me, giving me a potion, like a night and shining armor. Yeah. You're right. It was my pleasure. You would have done it for me. I probably would have, probably. I did do it for you, though not. Did you save me?

I saved your life. Thank you for that. She's still smiling? No, it's faded by now. I held a wand under the table at Caleb's leg and tried the dick to him. Make a charisma and say anything. It's a constitution. It's charisma.

It's constitutional, sorry. No, you have me do charisma. I said constitution to you. Well, I did charisma. She did charisma. Okay. I'm sure. I failed it. Was I 15? Oh, he succeeded, but you didn't even know I tried.

As you guys finish your cheer, everyone else in the room also lifts their drinks. And they all give a cheer as well. Haza. Haza. Haza. So as the evening continues, some folks come up and tell them, tell their stories to you, give you thanks, share a drink with you of someone who is lost. Some recovered, some not. But overall, everyone seems to be very appreciative.

Eventually, whether through just general exhaustion or imbivements, you bring yourself to rest, finding yourself back to the singular room that you've all been sharing here at the feed and me. Oh, yeah. Should we get another room now that we've got some extra coin? I think of like, how many rooms do they have in the end? Three. Oh. It's not a big place. Are they vacant? At the moment, yes.

We can get an extra room. Let's buy them all out. Whoa, hey, big spender. What? I'll take my own room if y'all don't want in. But we've always been roommates. Then come join me, girl. Okay. Okay.

So Crute, while he's been happy to, you know, provide you the evenings free for two rooms, even for all you've done, I am a businessman through and through. So I'll give you a discount. Three silver. Done. Done.

That's totally taking advantage of the fact that none of us are Haglars this game. It's really, really hard. It's really hard. It's really hard. Craft fair Laura is dying. I will also pay for a room for not, Caleb. Of course, then that would be also three silver. Wait, did you just, yeah?

Did you pay for everybody or for you? I paid for you. I paid for me. Bud, here, for giving you shit earlier. I'd give three silver. Thank you. You have your own room now. Totally obvious that he's fucking us over.

Thank you. Today has been the most profitable day in my life. I have never seen so much money across my path. More money will come tomorrow because we're selling the ears tomorrow. Oh, this is ridiculous. Yeah. Where are the ears? Someone has them that's safe. Of course, yeah, I have the ears right here in this pickleby.

Maybe it should be in Caleb-Anon's room because we'll have the alarm to protect us. No, I have them, it's okay. If someone's just going to show up and say, I just have all these ears? Like who wants pickled ears, really, except for me? All right. I'm going to go get my cat. Go up. Okay.

I'm going to go eat some pickled ears. I'm going to watch this. Do you actually partake in and take a little here? I stare, I wait, no. I go on in a, I'm in a head up to. Oh, you're gonna go up to your thing, that's all. I go up and head up to the room as well. Okay.

I'm going to doodle and talk to the traveler. Okay. So you want to find yourselves going about what final business you have for the evening before rest takes you? You are doing your... Well, first I take out the silver thread and I cross it across the door and if there's any windows there, I do the same. do the same and allow for not to enter and leave.

And then I draw patterns along the floor that spread up onto the table as well and back down onto the floor. And I squat with my book since I am tapped and I begin to bring back my cat. And an hour and 10 minutes later, I don't know if they're asleep or not, I have at this cat named Frumkin

and I wear him like a scarf. Oh, buddy. You watch as you finish the incantation and the ritual comes to a complete cycle. In the center of where you made these markers across the table, you hear this slight tearing sound, this wh-h- And you watch as there's a slight ripple in the air

right in front of you in the center of this, and it's almost like a slight little tear in reality almost. And from that, Frumkin just steps out and lands. Looks up at you. Come here, come here, come here, I promise not. Immediately leaps up in your hands. I promise not to do that too often.

I just scooch for a long time. Purr is against you? Can't even hear about it. All right. Can I... Can I draw the general knoll peeing on a little fire hydrant. And the rest of the nose behind him fighting over like a bone.

Easy enough to do. And then I'm going to draw the cutest baby mantacore you've ever seen, and it's dead. And I'm going to tell the traveler, you know, I don't know what's going on. I'm just hoping that you're here, because this is the farthest I've ever gone, and I'm afraid that you can't hear me.

anymore and it's freaking me out a little bit. Because I know, I know that I'm around a bunch of people now and I haven't been before, but I want you to know that you're still my best friend, and if you want me to be alone, I will be if that means that you'll be here. Bow just reaches over and hands are a Kleenex. I can't. Okay, that's all good night.

What? Did you hear that? Did you hear that? I'm in the room with you. Right. I'm reading. While she was doing that, I'm opening letters from the bomb box.

Oh, right. Oh, shit. Well, finishing up with you, as you finish that and lay down, you kind of lay on one side, staring towards the wall in this kind of moment of quiet. And you feel this string and you look down underneath your robes and there you have the symbol of the traveler that you keep on yourself, the door, the door arc and path, and it's warm to the touch,

warmer than your skin is. And with that, just the subtle kind of sensation of familiar closeness comes over you and wordless, but an emotion washes through your brain that's alien from the outside of your own thoughts. That just says, I'm with you. I take this symbol and I hold it up to my cheek and I go to sleep. Okay. You, so going through, there were four letters clustered in here.

You tear through the first one and look at it, and it looks like it's a shipment ledger up by Nugvrat. Nogvrat. It's a city on the northern end of the empire. It's just an information ledger about shipments received, confirming payment and a distribution to which taverns are receiving it, and then asking for the next shipment. The second one that you open is another ledger.

This one comes from Diastock to the west. This one's cheaper, it's a smaller one, smaller ledger. The third one you open up, and it's a complaint. From Wrexentrum, it's apparently it's titled by the, it doesn't even have the name, but it says the purveyor of the rotted stump, which is apparently some sort of bar tavern saying, to the Bombok family, I would happily request

that if you are to send the aforementioned and already paid ship to our establishment that they would not be containing any sort of animals of which could chew through and ruin and spoil the shipments you've been given. We request an immediate refund, and it shows like it's kind of a copy of a deal that was made. So it's just an open complaint. Nice.

The fourth one's a little interesting. It's just titled to Dimidon Bambach. Specifically, as opposed. Dimmodon. Dumbled Oh, so. Oh, so sorry. Gross, bros, wrong.

Sorry, guys. It's mostly about mayonnaise. It's in Germany. He's totally looking. I know. Dear Mr. Mayo, we relish the time we've got together. It's just so stupid. Would I recognize what this word means?

I have the... Make an intelligence check. Do I get any type of like a ran... A little shifty person? No. This would be an investigation check specifically, not intelligence. It would be an investigation. This is this.

Investigation. Is this a code? Is this backwards? This is backwards, isn't it? You don't know. Eight. Eight. Well, you're just going to have to figure it out on your own.

Oh. Fuck balls. Oblood. I'll come back to you. Abundrat. Obot. Do I know what the evening nip is? Do I recognize?

You don't actually. You don't know the old evening. Boa. Ta-na-low. All right, I finish reading everything. I kind of go over to a sleeping gesture and just pull her blankets up and tuck her in a little bit and then I crash out. Two quick things.

One, I'd like to ask Caleb when he's done with his insanely long ritual. That pouch that I gave you, what was? what was in it? Did you give me a pouch? Oh, I gave you a pouch before. You might not have felt it, but it's in your back pocket. When did you do that? Before.

Oh, what is it? Let's see. Which pouch is this? This is the Shakasta. Oh, Shikasta's pouch. You find one is roughly a handful of bird seed. I'm not funny if there's like a two copper and A bunch of bird seed. Oh, very good.

Well, no, it's a heavy pouch. It's an infinite pouch. And it contains about 113 gold pieces. Oh! Fucking loaded! One. Oh, geez. Two.

No. And then 10 minutes later. Yeah. There's some dried jerky and hide in there just for trail snacks. It seemed like a general, a general, like a half road travel pack that Chastasda was keeping with him and whatever coin he had brought with him on the journey. He stole an old lion man's food and money. I am the best.

Did you say 113? 113. Okay. Okay, so after counting it all, I separated and I put some jerky down for, go get it, to Frumpkin, and I push six gold across the floor. Come here, come here. Come here. Yes. I don't know that's good because my muscles are sore from smiling before.

It does help a little. And then I'm going to try to make acid while he was doing his thing. All right, go ahead and make an Alchemy Supplies check. So that plus proficiency bonus and your intelligence. 19 plus things. Okay, yeah. It'll take you through the night and then part of the morning to do it. So we'll say about with a full night's sleep,

there's like a full rest. If you start early enough in the night, by about noon tomorrow you'd be done. All right. But throughout that you managed to create a vial of acid. Awesome. Wow. I have a question.

The metal on the ring with the pearl in it, what is it made of? Can I tell? Oh, looking at it, it looks like the base material for the pearl set in. It's a polished brass. That has been, it's been treated to look like gold, but some of that treatment is rubbing off,

and you can see the duller brass color beneath. I cannot remember, but Caleb can, because of keen mind brass. Is that part of the alchemy that I can do? I would look, as far as your school of fanzmatian. Yeah, that is correct. I'm sorry, I don't know. Copper and silver, for sure.

Copper, silver, wood. Wood? Wood. I just can't remember. Iron? Iron? Iron. Do we ever play us?

Had stone, iron, copper, or silver? So this is not on it. Okay. Then I'm going to just spend the last 30 minutes before bed just trying to slowly wedge the pearl out of their ring. I don't want the ring. Okay. Make a general strength check. Pearl pops out and flies across the room.

That we found again. 15. 15. It doesn't take you too long. Working on it back and forth, you eventually have enough give where the four claws that kind of hold the pearl into the ring set and eventually give away and it pops out. It does hit the ground and roll, and you quick catch up to it and grab it. It's bronze?

Brass. Brass. Okay. I take what's left of the ring and I throw it across the room for Frumpkin to go chasing it across. And then I take that. Probably just watch it land. Go chase that. While everybody's going up to their rooms, can I stay down in the, are you staying down? Oh, I'm going upstairs.

I'm going to pass that on the floor. I'll stay downstairs and just kind of do some people watching. Just some call it character study. Okay. Yeah, looking about, at this point in the evening, most of it's kind of filtering out. The few stragglers there are the older folks, grizzled farmhands with, you know, sunburned skin,

thick fingers that have seen a lot of field work, a lot of them menacing about days of old, some of them talking about some folks they know that were lost over the previous events, but they seem drunk enough to at least be smiling and laughing about these old stories they bring out. Yeah, you continue to study these personalities. I imagine you're probably just taking in quirks, taking in elements of their body language,

their vocal annotations for your own purposes. All right. Very well. Okay. So, as you all eventually close the evening, the morning sun comes two, with not sleeping in a little further after staying up late creating a vial of acid. Who's telling me she has a bad head. I hurt one years out.

So, what do you guys want to do? Hey, Jester. Hey, what? I want to show you something. Okay, what? You know how I stole some shit from the bomb box on our way out of town? Yeah, yeah. All right, most of it's boring shit, but I kind of stayed up, and I was trying to sell off this and some feet.

some of this stuff out, but take a look at this. What do you think? Okay, I'm really smart, so I'll probably be able to figure out of the. Time we're done. Your request has been approved, and the Tordolbo extract will be arriving in the case of rose wine from the evening nip in the coming week.

Many gifts, the gentleman. The gentleman. Who's the gentleman? I don't know, but I like you. addition of douche to them down on me. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I wanted to put a reminder for myself. Yeah.

Oh yeah, who specializes in a rosé? You're right, that's weird. Especially not the bomb box. No, the bomb box don't make rosé. They make like ale. You're right. The place where I came from, you know, certain regions are gonna make certain kind of wines.

So that might tell us where it's come from. And what do you think? I think the old blood de ro-. I think that's a, Code. Tor dolbo? I think it's blood root. Oh, blood root, yeah, that's good. That sounds like a thing, right? What if it's the Balto door?

The Balto door. That's a possibility. I haven't ruled anything out yet. Yeah. Blood root is probably pretty good though. Is there, do I know blood root? Can we make a nature check? Nature check. Would I know blood root? Can we both make me? You both may make an nature check in this moment.

In a strike of inspiration. All better than me, 13. Okay. You, like, you've heard it somewhere, nothing big, but like, I've heard of it. You know it. It's a very, it's a unique flower that is, it's pretty in its own right,

but you know it because the places where it's used are usually fenced off in a way that children can get to them because they are known to be poisonous. not to the point of death, but to the point of severe nausea and vomiting upon ingestion. Oh, blood root. That's right, it's a type of flower, super, super duper red. I know because I tried to make a paint out

of one of the flowers one time. Okay. And it made me want to like seriously puke my guts up. Oh, God. And kind of do the spins, if you know what I mean. Yeah, sure. Super bad. So that's bad.

So they were wanting an extract. Yeah, so that means it be extra strong. Yeah. Are the bomb box trying to poison people? Oh my gosh. Well, the gentleman wants to poison people. Oh no, the bomb, yeah, I understand. That can read.

Wow, do we need to tell someone about this? No, no, no, just, you know, just keep in the back of your head if something, if you hear something, if something spikes your interest. hear about an outbreak of people vomiting. Right. Or about a gentleman. Or about a rosé.

And an evening nip. Yeah. I want to know about these evening nip. In the coming week. Yeah, there you go. Pavilion slip. In the coming week. That's soon.

When did we steal? When did you steal this? How many days it's been? It's been probably at this point four days, I guess. Oh my gosh. What if we could intercept it? And then we could have all of the poison and the nips.

Interesting. I like it. Let's keep this, let's keep, we'll work shopping. We'll make a decision. We just did it, we just did. Yeah, we did. We definitely did. Yeah.

Oh man, I'm really hungry though. I'm gonna go down there, so okay. We go get it. All right. You guys all wake up. and get your breakfast situated and sorted, not joining you a little later on, but you are fed, the morning is fresh,

what would you like to do? Well, I guess it's time to collect on those ears, right? These ears? Yes, those ears. Okay, asking around, you're eventually led to where Bryce's location is. Apparently they are in the process of going through paperwork in what's called the Salt Trench Jail.

That's where the prisoners of Allfield, this podunk town, keep they're imprisoned. But being led to this small but functional shack of stone and dried wood. Eventually, Bryce emerges, not fully armored, but they're wearing comfortable robes with a bit of the ceremonial maroon and gold

that a lot of the Crownsguard and members of that political faction seem to wear as they emerge. Immediately you see Bryce's face brighten up, as they say, you're awake. Come, I've been able to gather enough pay for your deeds for the other day. So please, do step inside. Okay. They'll lead you over to their desk.

And all right, so how many sets of ears have been procured? Um, 19 sets. 19 sets? Yeah. Or 19, totally. No, it was 19 sets. I marked down sets. Technically, Matt.

I'm not telling you. I'm not telling Bryce this. Five of those sets are hyenas. But 14 of those are nulls, for sure. Bryce has a hard time telling the difference at the moment. Oh! Having been overworked and stressed with the recent goings-on, counting through, they go ahead and finish each bit counted.

All right, that comes two. And you watch as they pull up a small chest, Simming in to just count out change into a large sack, and then that fills up into a secondary sack into a third one, finishing up with a total of 570 gold pieces. And we also brought home live people and also some dead people. Right, right.

We brought home seven dead bodies. Seven dead bodies, at five gold, seven. That'll come two. 35 gold pieces as well, which they go ahead and fill out for you. And then the live ones were, how many? How many? 25 gold a piece. How many live people did we bring back?

I didn't have those in jars. There were the two. Jules, Petrov, Herma. I would remember exactly. But I don't, but I do. That's right, I did write on Herma and Jules Petrov. Then there was a couple that Chakasta had in the... Yeah.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold, if he knows he has to tell me because I picked the right feet for it. Oh, that's right. There were five specifically that you managed to save, actively from the tunnel, and then Shikasta had already saved an additional seven. Oh! That's great.

Damn! You're a fucking rich! Wait, did anybody write down the amount that he said? 570 for the Knowles, 35 for the... 100 apiece already. And a fourth sack is presented as they count out 300 additional gold pieces. Oh my gosh! Oh, that's so good!

That's a little over 100 gold each. That's... Oh, great. Not bad. Whoa. You can almost afford a suit of armor. Four. It's a hundred and instigating.

You'll regret it. A 50 a piece. That is really. Are we going to divvy it up? We are so excited over jump change to Voxmogging. It's a so exciting. 150. After all the counting is done.

For some bad thing, Bryce is running down feverishly. All right. So, for my own ledges, because I do have to present this paperwork, to the Crown for the approval of these rewards, what do we call you? We should have talked about this. What do you guys think? We're very strong. That's true. We are. We're very strong. We have to leave a paper trail. Is that a thing that actually has happened? I think so. What if we're the strong?

A word, the mighty. The mighty, that's good. You know good words and like the sound cool in Zimnian, right? We are the mighty nine. Nine? The mighty nine. I get behind that. Yeah, why not?

There's one, two, three, four. It's just the spelling that is tricky. Please do, uh, spell it for me. Yeah, mighty in common is spelled M. I. I. I will pull your beard off your face. face.

H. Oh my God. T. Yes. Y. Yes. Now we come to the next word. N.

Yes. E. Yes. I. N. We are the Mighty Nine. I feel like I was part of something crowd sourced similar to this. I feel like I may have been part of a game called Mighty Number Nine.

Oh, really? Yeah, it's a game that I, there's a Mega Man. Nine. Nine. That's the number nine. Yes, I know. It's temporary. Oh, that game.

Anyway. Oh, this game. But this one. Yeah. All right, the matter nine. That is in the paperwork. All right. Are you to stay a while in Allfield then? Are we staying here?

Are we staying here? I mean, do you want to keep hiring us for all ways? I don't have much in the way of work here for your type at the moment. If you seem to be at peace with the current situation, I think it might be in our best interest if we moved on. Passing through. Yeah. What about you going? Well. Interesting.

And beyond. Well, that's much larger for the tastes of most field folk out here. I lived there about three years when I was younger around the west outer steds before joining the Crowns Guard and shoving off the blade guard. So I, if you are indeed off to Zadash and in need of a friend, she's still there. Ask for Claudia Sheed at the Leaky Tap. Sheet, did you say Sheet? Claudia Sheed. The weakly tap?

The leaky tab in the east outer estates. Is that, oh I should ask you, is that like the big inn, the big place? It is of moderate size. What would be the biggest in Zadash, like the biggest place that if you go to be? that if you go is like, oh, I need to find the biggest inn in Zedash. This is what it is. That would be the pillow trove. The pillow trove. That's in the trisbire. I don't know if you can afford that. I don't know. Maybe you can. I don't know. I would... I just need the most popular one because that's where my mom is going to be sending me stuff.

The pillow trove. Good luck. Thank you. The pillow... What? The pillow trove. That's where we're staying? No. It's a fancy hand. That's the fancy.

Was it a pillow or pillar? The pillow trove. Pillow Trove. But the Leaky Tap, I recommend. Claudia's great. She owns the place if she's still there. Leaky tap? Leaky tap.

Leaky tap. Not tavern. Leaky tap. Certainly. Fine. She's got a good head on her shoulders and at the very least she might be able to guide you to anything you're looking for, hopefully. Oh, I almost forgot. Follow me, please.

They stand up and close you. and close the ledger and lead you outside, about two blocks down by the outside of what looks to be the stables, titled the On the Wind Stables. There you see outside kind of a hearty-looking female dragon-born, kind of rotund and strong, no-tail, who black-scaled turns around as you approach

and gives a quick hand up to Bryce, and Bryce approaches. Thank you, Dermis. Everyone, this is Dermis. She's the main stable hand here on the wind. And we've taken as a bit of appreciation here. We've outfitted you with a new cart as the previous one was a bit...

It had been carried in many of our dead. So, Dermis and Dermis at this point, steps forward goes, Right. I have presented for you this cart that we had made It belonged to somebody here, but it is now yours. But it's well made. It is larger than what you had previously, and there's not smell of blood and feces.

Yet. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Give us a day. Yeah. Very well. And she kind of steps back and starts getting the two horses

that you guys, one that you had brought along, the other you had discovered out there, They've already been hitched to the cart. Fed watered, look good? Fed watered, clean, brushed. Is that enough horses? Should we be getting two more to pull us faster or anything? Too is pretty decent, I think.

Is it? For six. You're little. Watchmaster, I'm sorry if it slipped to my mind. Is there anywhere still open in town after all of their carnage that sells ink and paper? I know that it's a door-dard. I'm sure they can be done.

Yes. I can lend you some. I wish you'd tell me back in the office. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for the highest quality ink. Do you know what I mean? I think I do, and I don't know if this is the city to find that, unfortunately.

You have much better luck in to Dash. Okay, thank you. Of course, of course. Before we leave, can you tell me where Storostas, Kosh's offices? You watch as they kind of smile a bit based on your sudden interest and they say, why do you ask?

Oh, we have summoned from this business. Best that I summon him, but I can retrieve him. All right. I'll be right back. We've taken, and at this point you hear a slapping son. You watch as Shumas, the Dragon Morton. she's taken the large manicor head and is like chained it to the side and sland it on the side of the cart. Because that's, you still have that.

All right. Did you say her name was Schumas? Shumas. Shumas. Oh, I think I'm a term. Dermas. Dermas. Sorry.

Dermas is what I wrote on Dermis. No. Dermas. Dermas. That means skin. Yeah. Shumas is a region in Marquette. Sorry.

I have everything. Dormas. Dormas. Dormass. Best campaign ever! I was trying to say it, I was trying so hard not to say it. I'll really do that. We can slowly just crash every song's YouTube comments now.

I'm so sorry Mr. DeAngelo, my high school German teacher. We're going forward. My high school's German teacher's first language was Spanish. It was real weird. What was their name? I don't remember her name. Okay. Mine was Jim DiAngelo. He's the principal now.

Oh, go for him. I'm sure he's very proud of him. Yeah. As you guys are getting your stuff situated on the cart, eventually he watches Four Crowns Guard approach, along with Bryce and the small robed, gnomish figure of Storostakush. Right, I've been summoned.

What is your business? Yes. Hi, Starosta. Yes. It's so wonderful to see you again. I've been told that you did a great service for all fields, and for that I'm very thankful. Yes.

I was thinking a really good thing you could do for us in return is to give my friend Ford here a letter of recommendation to the academy. What? He did a great service to your city. And you have been paid handsomely for it, as the watchmaster has notified me? Starrosta, it's good to see you again. It's been a while about... Hold on, I get out my sketchbook and I look through it. That'd be like eight years almost.

Your hair hasn't changed, though. You should change it. I've confused. It's strange. But no, I believe our business is complete. The Ruby of the Sea says hello. You watch as his face just loses color. His hand kind of drops to the side.

I will be happy to write you a letter of recommendation, But I cannot assure you that it will be accepted, as there are many points of acceptance within the Academy. And it's quite a bit of travel to Rex and Tram anyway. Is this to the actual solteris? Of course. If you wouldn't mind, that would be most kind of you. Then very well, it'll be done.

Give me just a moment. What is your name? Ford. There's a J in it. Make sure he spells it right. F-J. Yeah, F-J-O-R-D, Ford. Have you a surname?

No. Tough. Fuck you. Fuck you. It's been sitting up that shit, haven't you? You're going to go? They're all of them. Oh, I was keeping it together so up.

Here, buddy. I'm down. Thank you. Oh. Oh. I'll return in the next 15 minutes, and as the Strosa turns and gives a long look of the simmering fury behind a forced smile to Jester,

spins around, then walks off in a haughty march to wherever he came from. He really should have changed his hair. I mean, it's pretty hideous. You may be my new hero. How is it that you saw him before? Oh, he visited my mother years ago. And your mother is the Rubey.

The Ruby of the Sea? Yes, the ruby of the sea. You've heard of her? I have now. Have I heard of her? Make a history, Jeff. Can I do that, dude? You may.

Don't fuck me. I'm down on that area. That's a natural one. 19 plus, what is it? You would have heard of her for, you would have heard of her for. You actually wouldn't die. Okay, that's fine. Oh, I wouldn't have heard.

Hotly. It's outside of the empire, so. 23 investigation? 23. It was history. Oh, history. 21. Okay.

Well, this makes sense for you since you've grew up in the Menagerie coast, though in Port De Mali. The Ruby the Sea is well known in some circles, and you've only heard rumors, but belongs to an establishment that specializes in all forms of socializing and entertainment, and is one of the most prominent brothels in the... in the Menagerie coast in which the Ruby of the Sea is known to be kind of the star cortisans. And many travel from all across the Menagerie coast and beyond supposedly to be within her company. Many have fallen in love with her and had their hearts broken. And there are poems and songs that have wandered

through bars and taverns that spoke of her that first caught your interest. It seems like a faint, distant tale that was just a myth that people made up or someone spoke of, Ruby at the Sea. It sounds amorphous. Of course, I remember now the Ruby of the Sea. I can't believe she's your mother.

Is she a jeweler? No. Not exactly. Not exactly. No, she entertains gentlemen. She's hard to describe a performer and entertainer. She's mostly known for her. Well, she's mostly known for her.

But outside of her. That, her voice is amazing you should hear her sing. What does that mean? What does what mean? She has sex for money. But mostly, I mean, you know, people pay her large some. So it's like, you know, three guys mostly. She like keeps a few people at the time.

But like she doesn't see everybody because she's super, super famous. Yeah, the name has made itself known all along the coast. You'd be lucky to find yourself in her company. At least that's how I've heard it. You really, really would. Is that what that song? Sheen is that, is that what the song is about?

The Ruby of the Sea is the best play ever. It's a translation, I think. Just it's Scan-in-com. Oh, dude. It sounds better in the original. What's more? Oh, no. A well-known barbed jingle.

All the cross, wildnog. That's the whole song. You don't have a jingle in a song, really. I'm picturing like a public access in commercial. Yeah, you do. The movie at the sea, the best they ever. It's goody. Well, anyway.

Ah. So you're the author of a celebrity. Yeah. How was that growing up in fame and fortune? Oh, well, I wouldn't. I wouldn't know exactly because she never told anybody that I was there, but I bet if she had it would have been crazy. Where were you at this point?

You know, like in my room. Just trapped in your room? Did you go outside? No, I wasn't trapped, but you know. Did you get to go to the park or did you read your stories? Did she do the things that parents do? She read me some stories, and a lot of times I listen at the door

and hear her sing. Did she tell people about you? No. I imagine that would affect her business a little. Exactly. I totally understand it. She loves me so much. She really, really does.

It's just, you know, people frown upon cortisans with daughters. I'm very fair. I'm sorry, I am from the, that is, you are from the south, yeah? I'm from the north. Does this include also besides the hra-hra-hra-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-like singing and poetry, you said? Yeah.

So she was skilled as an artisan as well. Yes, that's why I'm such a good painter, you know. That's fascinating, for real, yeah? Mm-hmm. Did she teach you your spell and fighting talents? Oh no, that came from the traveler. How did you... Never mind.

And this is why you're looking for your dad. Well, yes. Was he a client of your mother's? Well, yes. But I feel so nervous all of a sudden everybody's looking at me. We can look away. Yeah, we'll keep talking. Okay, so they were totally in love,

and she's going to marry him, and he was totally in love with her, and he's going to marry her, and they said they were going to get married, and then she got pregnant with me, and he said they got married, and then he's gonna go set up his house, and then he just never came back.

That's very sad. I know, it is really sad. So are you going to find him to meet him and know him or to seek revenge upon him? No, I'm going to find him so that I have somewhere to live because I'm not allowed to be at the house. Why aren't you allowed to be the house anymore? Well, because I'm kind of in trouble in Nicodramis.

What did you do? Well, because I sort of played a prank on this guy who was seeing my mom. What kind of a prank? Well, so the traveler taught me how to make myself look like other people, right? Okay. So I made myself look like my mom, and then I lured him out onto our balcony,

and he was wearing nothing but like this girdle of hers. And then I left the door. And I thought that was funny, you know. It looks really good in my sketchbook. He was just out there in a journal. Yeah, yeah, which is no big deal. But then I found out he's kind of a lord. And you embarrassed him?

He was really, really, really pissed off. Was this at night time or daytime? This was in the day. Oh, how many people saw? Oh, everyone. Oh, that's so great. It was so great. But he said he wanted to kill me, and they said,

you know, that was cool and he could. And so my mom was like, go and I was like, okay. The war is over and both sides lost. Kingdoms were reduced to cinders and armies scattered like bones in the dust.

Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world praying. The darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins. This is old school adventuring at its most cruel.

Your torch ticks down in real time. and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back. Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the Shadow Dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube.com slash the Glass Cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us in the door.

You know that feeling when you hear one interesting thing, and suddenly you want to know more? Well, that's the idea behind my podcast, something you should know. Every episode starts with a question you've probably never thought to ask, like why people do or don't like you, why certain habits stick, or what everyday advice is actually wrong. I'm Mike Carruthers, and I talk with scientists, authors, and experts, and I keep it practical, surprising, and fun to listen to. If you've got a curious brain, come try one episode of something you should know on the podcast app you're listening to right now.

Name so we can avoid him. Lord something, something. Okay. Let's avoid all lords. I'm all right to that. Robert something, something. Robert. I'll remember it eventually.

Funny is funny. He should have a better sense of humor. I thought so, too. He looked at really. Really good. What's wrong with being in a girdle? I know, right? Very waste-enching.

I'm not one right now. I bet you're not. I'm actually just built this way, as well, no. I could be. I'm built like I am. Oh. Yes. That's pretty crazy.

So you think you can actually... Hang on. Why do you want to live with your dad that you never met? Why not just go do your own thing? Well, I mean... Your father is your father. How could you not be curious about your father? I know, right?

I've never met him. I thought it would be cool. But I mean, that's who I was looking for when I met Ford over there. Sometimes fathers are disappointing. But it is still your right to know your parents who they are. You have to understand all you came from. I mean, he's supposed to be pretty darn cool. He wears lots of rings on his fingers too, you guys. Do you know his name?

Hello. In the Mills' Composition, you look and see the Crowns Guard are approaching, and there's the Storoastra. there with a rolled up piece of parchment, which he presents for the broad smile, as you requested. Oh, thank you, kind sir. Of course, it's everything I can do.

Now, be on your way. Please. He huffs off, they all begin to leave. As you guys go to your cart, the watchmaster comes up once last time, and they say, sincerely, you've saved many lives, and a paltry is something I could get approved, but just know that you have my

Gratitude. Thank you, Bryce. Of course. Good luck to you. I hope our paths cross again. Me too. If you see a girl named Dasha, let her know we're on our way to Zadash. She's tall. Jasha. Yasha.

She carries flowers. She's super scary looking, but she's got the heart of gold. Extremely charming. Very in shape. I'll try my best. Black chin. We're wearing a girdle. All right.

What are you talking about that? Oh. She makes her way back every now and then. Yeah, yes, she said she was going to catch up with us. I believe her. Okay. Yeah, plus she looks like she could handle herself and fight. She'd be most welcome.

She is. Do you want to hold on to your letter for it? Oh yeah, I would love that. Thank you. You're welcome, of course. I told you how to get you to the Academy. Thank you. That was smooth.

I'm into it. I forgot to say this was the most pleasant experience I've ever had at a city building before. I'll get used to get used to you. Yeah, I kind of like the hero worship's kind of nice. Yeah, right? Are we sure we want to leave this place? People like us here. It's only a matter of time before they don't.

We have to go. Wow, okay. It's like you were born in the circus, so impressed. So true. Yeah, let's leave while we're on a high note. We want to find a bigger city to disappear into it. Okay.

Yeah. Hey, Caleb. Yeah. You have kids? No. Inside check. Insight check. Alright.

Uh, 20. 20? Some straightened error. All right. Did you have kids? No. Inside check. Kind of hard to read, but seems to be fairly forth, right?

You just have such like paternal qualities. Just, you know. You know, I think maybe you are confusing. My good friend and I, you know, she's very little. and I am taller. So it does have that sort of father-daughter look, but you know, that's not exactly... That's not exactly what it is.

No, no, no. I'm a goblin. Yeah. You know, if anything, I've never really said this out of night before, but if anything, you are more like Schrester, a little sister to me. That's nice. How old are you not? Are you a little goblin or are you a normal, like, adult goblin?

Well, you know, the funny thing about goblins is we don't really celebrate birthdays or anything, so it's hard for me to know exactly. There's no real holidays in clans. Are you fully grown or are you still growing? I'm of childbearing age. So I'm about somewhere... Somewhere between like six and nine. Okay. What is today? So that's like a grown, almost a grown goblin.

Oh, okay. Yes, but like I said, it's really hard for me to tell. It's not like we had a party every year. Birthdays are shade. What is today in this world? As far as the date? Yes, DM. I didn't stay.

You're okay. No. Did you have one of those sneezes that actually breaks something in? You know when you like sneeze and turn and it pulls the rib? I can just pull the rib. Shut out a rib. I have to go. I have to go look that up.

Well, I will tell you, we'll get to that, but I think today we call your birthday. Today we're calling my birthday. Yeah, you know, we've never talked about that. I didn't realize that. Today is your birthday. Today is your birthday. Stay's your birthday. Apparently, what day is it?

He doesn't know, but he'll tell us later. All right. Well, for right now we'll just say Thursday. Every year on a Thursday, it is your birthday. All right. Congratulations, not. Happy birthday. Oh, this is a very special occasion.

Do you know a birthday song too? No. I'm sorry. But I do have this pickle in my bag. Oh, is that what I've been said? Oh! It was sitting in the jar and I put it in my bag because we put the ears in here.

Congratulations, today you are a mighty nine. Aw. It is the 12th of Fessurin. Oh, yes, Fessurin. It's getting towards the end of, it's getting towards the start of fall. It's already Fessurin. It feels like a whole thing. The pumpkin latte is to match.

Oh. This. Well, thank you, Caleb. Well, I didn't do anything. You got me a big pile of gold, so thank you. All right. Oh, sorry. On the other side, there's Dermis leaning on one of the horses.

Right, so your horse is ready, your cart is ready. We should go. We should go. You should probably go. Let's go. All right. Dermis gets behind and pushes. Hermis gets behind and pushes the cart out as the horses kind of clomp out.

My business is paid. Good luck. And she goes back into the stable and goes about her work. Oh, the open road. Yeah, shall we? Back on the road again. Nice and early. It's crisp out. I like it. Who's going to be driving this thing? I tried it last time. Maybe I'll try again this time. I like it. I'll sit up trying to make sure I go as appropriately. Animal handling? Oh, handle it?

Oh, no. Oh, hey, we're getting better. With an 18 bonus. A slight flick of the reins watching your various allies previously travel with a controlled snap, the horses lurch and... You should have a good, eh-haw now. Be-ho! Be-ho! It's now a good one.

That's great. With that, you guys make yourselves westward through the central streets of all fields. A few folks come up. out and kind of just watch you leave, those who are present for the evening. With a final silent, you know, nod and smile, you make your way back onto the Amber Road, heading northward, deeper into the Merrow Valley, on your way to Zadash. And we'll go and take a break there. Yay! Yay! Come on in!

Marisha's broken! Come on, broken McGee. You fucking busted her rib, didn't you? Yeah, she did. She just coughed him too hard the week before last. How you doing? Yeah, yeah, you pulled it. Oh, no. You get it? There's shit cracking.

There's something popped. You got to put that in my burnt down. Don't twist and sneeze. Yeah. I was trying to spin the table. You got a lethal weapon that shit. I'm going to take some hatville. Yeah, you go do that.

Yeah, good break. I'm going to go take care of my wife here in a minute. All right, guys, we'll be back here in a little bit from the break to continue the story as they hit the open road, heading northward towards the dash on the Amber Road. We have our contest from Wormwood this week. They're giving away two more of their awesome Kickstarter boxes. This is. Hey.

Oh, shit, look at that. Yes. Those who haven't seen it. What did you say? Fuck out of this thing. There it is. It is their awesome. What is it called?

It's the, it's the, oh god, tamarind. Tamarind. Frickin awesome. But it comes to the dice box, and then it has this case, which has inside of it, Dice pen. Look at that pen. It's freaking great.

Well section there for keeping your mini or whatever else you want to put in there. Giving away two of these at the break. So be prepared. And I've been, to understand, you don't have to wait for a prompt. As soon as we go to break, you can enter it into the chat. So I apologize, I've been fucking with people. That's on me, that's my fault.

But yeah, so for this week, the keyword is Gates. G-A-T-E-S. So when we go to the break, enter the Twitch chat room. You can only enter once. If you enter more than that, you'll be disqualified, but we'll have two winners for you, or two of these delightful things from our friends at Wormwood Gaming when we return.

So see you in just a minute. Hello everyone, and welcome back. So before we hop back in, our two winners of the Wormwood giveaway are Jevins, J-E-V-O-N-S, and Nicholas Fernandez. Jevins and Nicholas Fernandez, congratulations. You guys won. De Novo will contact you and get your information

so we can get that sent out to you, so congrats. All right. Everyone seems ready, and Iced? Yep. Oh. Ice, iced. Marissa, stay frosty.

Oh. Stop, stop. It's just, don't make me laugh. All right. That's cold. She shouldn't laugh at that. This is a... This is a...

There's a... There's a... There's a note. There's a note section. A rib will be pulled when you turn in stees. Don't turn to stees. Therapeutic D&D right now. Exactly.

Healing power. So, you've begun your trek northward back on the Ember Road, passing through the high grass fields, the rolling hills, the sky grows more cloudy, and as the day progresses, uneventful. You watch as three horses carrying Crownsguard or just patrolling down the Ember Road and pass by and just give kind of a watch and nod as they continue. on. As you continue down for the remainder of the day, you guys left

probably about noon. Eight hours of travel we'll say about it as a standard travel day for a horse, so that would be just past sunset. Well, not slept until noon, so we probably left a couple hours after that's true. So, maybe back a little bit on the travel element, but not too bad.

Alrighty. So, continuing on, You hit sunset, and your horse could go for a few more hours. Do you wish to continue to travel in the night, follow the road? Why would we be over-ambitious like that, but not in a hurry? Is there a good place to make shelter? I'd say we'd pull off if we see something really nice.

Right is the sky begins to grow dark enough to threaten vision for distant vision at least. He was dark vision to have a closer proximity. I can put on my goggles way too early. I'm just seeing you at Burning Man. Yeah, totally, 100%. That's kind of how I imagine this, it's bird goggles. The sky is as dark, and the distance is as hard to see, but nearby there's some decent shapes and outlines.

Shina and Thurz Bueller just all the time. Yep. So. I'm sorry, don't laugh. Are you in here for drugs? What are you in for? Drugs. All right, so you don't see any landmarks

that would gather your attention to be a place to stay or stop at a rest for the evening. Your best plans would be to look for something not far off the road in the natural environment to make camp. Who is helping that expedition? I'll help him. All right.

With you guys, one perception. Did you real good? I did. 19. Thank you. Yeah. 17. Okay. You find a small clearing.

It looks to be a handful of rocks that were partially lodged into the ground long ago that have since been overgrown with moss and grass. But there's a small opening where it looks to be the remains of charcoal of a fire that has once or many times been built and then put out there. So it looks like a standard place where people have set up camp while making care of ant trips up and down the amber road. Easy enough to do. So you guys set up for the evening. You gather yourselves around, build a small fire. You should use your glove.

and make a fire for us. Oh, right before the day goes? Well, unless something attacks us at life. If you are going to do that, we all need to stand about 50 feet back. Why? Because that's not a little foot to foot, it's a big one. Oh, okay, never mind then. Who has a foot to foot foot.

I have a foot foot. Okay, well, do it. It doesn't make much of a foot foot foot, much to your disappointment. Boss advertiser time. But a fire is built. You all begin to bed down for the evening, and who's taking the first watch? I am.

Okay. You can break it up between probably, let's say, three watches over a casual evening. I'll take the second. I'll take the last. All right, perception check for you please. Yeah, okay. Ten.

Okay. And then eventful evening continues for you. You trade off to four to make perception check. Nine. Your mighty nine allows you to keep an eye out as the dark perimeter seems to bring no shapes or movement of interest other than the occasional sound of the wind blowing through the fields in the distant dark. Then your watches up. Beauregard, perception check please.

Seven. Okay. He's got lower and lower. Keeping an eye out best you can. Sleep takes you eventually and end up kind of cheating on the last few hours. hours of your watch. But nevertheless, you all come to consciousness the morning, intact and fine. Oh.

Mm. And begin your way further on the road for a second day. Nice. Now who's guiding the, who's keeping a perimeter watch during this next day's journey? Okay. I'll help. All right. So one of you two, we'll say if that's case, go ahead and make perception check with advantage because of Jester's hitting.

Thank you, Jester. You're welcome. Oh, geez, that's terrible. Nine. Keep them with the theme of the name, I guess. For the record, we're hiding all of our valuables, so if that's okay. Making sure everything is stowed.

I would assume we're hiding all over there. You know how to do that because you're on the road a lot. Yeah, I have to. That's even worse. We didn't skip up those chains, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, those are still with you. The shitty mammates?

Yeah. Yeah, that you'll sell to a blacksmith. Yeah, excellent. That's valuable man. A lot with this giant sledgehammer. That's egg-deme. No, no, no, I have a sledgehammer too. Oh, that's right, you also picked up a sledgehammer, yeah.

So, So continuing on for the rest of the day, eventually you pass by what looks to be a small travel wagon. It's similar to the size of the cart that you have, but it has some cushioned sheets. seat set up in the back and you look to what appears to be three well-dressed individuals that are looking miserable and are sitting in the back of the cart as it rides by with a single coachman who's, you know, the single horse is pulling it along with a rather rapid pace.

You watch it, as they begin to approach the few bumps that hit the road or hitting them relatively hard because of the pace so much they're keeping and some of them kind of get flung up and you watch their hair get musted and they quickly put it back into place. And as they... I don't have that they have. Make perception check. I'm gonna draw a sketch of them in a little pan, popping my popcorn. Okay.

And as she's doing that, I'm trying to get Jester's attention. I'm like, just her. 13. 13. The best you can tell, the cargo within, are personal bags. There's nothing of what looks to be like cargo cargo, at least what you've seen in previous bits of people that have traveled on here, especially the trade caravan you passed on your way up to Allfield.

This looks to be more of a personnel-based journey. Okay. But they pass kind of glaring as they look to your colorful variety of individuals. Are they going the opposite direction? Yeah, I'm hiding so. Gentleman. Do any of them look? Like a gentleman. Like a gentleman. I mean, they're well dressed. They look to be of, you know, bourgeois class, not upper crust, but, you know, but, you know, but, you know, but. better than most you've encountered on this side of the empire, at least. And they seem to almost, aside from glaring as you pass, pay no mind to any of your verbiage beyond you motherfuckers.

I think they thought we were patronizing them. Oh, yeah, probably. We kind of were, though. Yeah, kind of. I. What? That word, never mind. All right.

Continuing on for the remainder of the day, seeing nothing else that catches your eye along the journey. Eventually the night comes to a close once more. You guys have pretty much hit the extent of your horse's energy for the day's travel right as the time against the set so you can pull off and make another camp for this evening. Find the good place? Who's helping that one?

I mean, we did such a good job last time. Go for it. Go for it. Perception? Yes. Four. Not too, not great for you. That's fine.

Easy enough, you find, I find grass. You find maybe a few hundred feet off of the eastern side of the Amber Road. What looks to be a small dip in the ground, looks like an area where the earth seems to sink almost a bit and this kind of a crucible type look for maybe 60 or so feet.

And there in the center you see what looks to be another well-used stop a little. along the way. There's some discarded, empty scraps of sack. You can see what looks to be a couple of small stone rings where fires were previously set. It's a lot of travel on this road, and so it's not too difficult if you're keeping it out for a while to find some place that's been used over time as a place to rest for the evening. So you set up camp there without an issue? Yeah, set up again.

Should we put an alarm around us in case? I do that every night. Oh, wonderful. It's just a gift. A gift? The Giffin. The Giffin. Should we three take watch since those three took one? Yes, so much. Yes, yes, that sounds good.

I'll take watch number one. I'll take number two. I'll take number three. Yes, DM, I would like to say that too. If we are ever camping outside, just because Liam is done again, we'll forget it. Every night Caleb does silver thread around the group. Silver thread.

Right, for a 20 foot cute. Silver. That's around us, yeah. All right, so after sending up your alarm, It's murder time in the campaign. All right, as you complete your setup for the evening, go and make a perception check. Ooh.

Six. What the fuck? We can't roll perception. I shouldn't attach this die. This die has been nothing with trouble. Okay. You Oh no.

are sitting back for a minute with the fire crackling to a very, very diminutive ember. There's just a bit of light kind of slowly flickering off, framing the outer shapes of your various sleeping friends and companions. You don't hear the snapping of twigs because it's subtle enough. God damn it.

And a brief tickle hits the back of your head, Caleb, as the thread perimeter is broken. Nine, nine, nine, dime. Up, up, up. As that happens, a voice goes, oh, wouldn't do that if I were here. At which point you immediately whip around and you guys see in the vicinity standing directly around where you're sleeping, you see nine figures. Nine. Are they mightier than us though? This number coming up is so creepy guys. They all look humanoid to some variation of height, but most of them seem to be standard human size.

And various degrees of patchwork, hide armors, some leathers, but a lot of seems to be cobbled together and is kind of scrapped to build some sort of defense. You see a uniform mishmatch of green, blues, and black cloths that are covering most of the faces and hoods. Green, blue, black. Yeah. Ah, that's weird. One's green, one's blue. One's blue, couple are black.

Oh my god, we're fighting the Ninja Turtles. Oh my god. You, my God. Yeah, it'd be different thing. Green, blue, black. As you all begin to come to consciousness and look around, you can see all these figures have, some of them have hand crossbows that they're holding out in front.

Two of them have heavy crossbows that are currently being held with two hands that are all locked in. There are a few of them that have, will look to be, short swords drawn one on each hand. And they're all threatening, but not rearing to leap. And the one that had spoken out against that, who's right behind you, Molly, kind of with its boot,

presses it against the blade of one of your scimitars, and says, I'd recommend you just take a step away from that. And you feel this very sharp point of what appears to be a knocked cross bow bolts that kind of just taps the back of your skull. Oh, you're so polite, how can I refuse? And I just get up, I'm not turning around. Both my scimitars are just one of them.

Well, they're both set in your usual, placed, wrapping, your ceremonial set before you go to bed and night. I'm just gonna walk to the cart then. Wait, do they have them? He's stepping on them right now. I'm walking to the cart. Okay, as you begin to walk towards the cart, which is kind of breaking the perimeter they're holding,

and the ones on that side go, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. The one who spoke up before, it just goes, all right, no big moves, no trouble wanted. Get your friends up, place your valuables onto that cot for us. You have hitched over there, and we leave you with your life. No worries. To cast friends on that gentleman. Okay, make a slight a hand check.

Oh, that's very low. Oh no, Kaelan. That is a five. Oh no. As soon as you begin to, and to correct me if I'm wrong, Friends, actually let me see here. Friends is, no, it's... Is it instantaneous?

Semantic and material. All I did was just do this with my thumb and I put a little bit of rouge on my cheek. Okay. So, okay, yes, your Christmas checks. All right, the spell seems to take an effect. You have to be careful we are going for help, medical help. We all have syphilis.

Yeah. Extreme. Make a deception check. Extreme. Is this at... Oh my God, brilliant. Now, is this an advantage, right? That's the effect of the spell.

Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's some good syphilis. Yeah. That is a 22.

Call the flower crotch, baby. Okay. We are riddled with it. You watch this like one of the eyes over the face scarf kind of closes and twitches. Roy, good to know, then or suppose we're gonna be leaving you unspoiled. I'll stand up and go next to Caleb and say,

Honey, did you tell them about our disease? Oh, it's so much worse. We are just trying to get to medical help. Then I'll suggest you all just get that on your knees and stay where you are. We're just going to take your cart and what's inside of it. What was that? Take the cart and what's inside it.

Okay. Take the car on inside. And you watch as they all begin to kind of shift slowly, kind of like all keeping their weapons drawn, begin to move over towards the cart, and one of them kind of hops up into that back and begins like rummaging through the stock. I wouldn't touch that. That's like, oh.

Oh, no. That's where we got our syphilis from. There's a severed head in there. Yeah, look out for that manicor head. At which point, one of them pulls over a clock, he goes, Jesus, crap. Oh, they all turn around, weapons drawn again, like, What the fuck of these people do?

We might have tried a few things with that head, but you know we've paid the price. Clearly we've suffered enough. Looks over to Ford. It's just laughing. You also infected. I mean the amount of contact we have had, there is no question. You have to go.

Make an intimidation check. It's not as good. Oh, come on this, with my friend? Or is it... This would be the very tail end of your friends. Is it the same guy? Come on, come on. Yeah, yeah.

Do it, do it. It's better. It's 13. Siphilis is intimidating, though. All right. He kind of looks the rest of guys, and there's a moment where the spell comes to an end and he goes, please.

Clever motherfucker. Oh no. Fulting raise on the face. I'm pulling the cart. Okay. Okay. Well, they had weapons drawn and were prepared for something. So this is all going to happen simultaneously.

So you're attacking, what are you doing? The guy that's been talking. Okay, scorching ready, the guy who's been talking as well? Say again. Scorching ready, the guy who's been talking as well? I'm the guy I put friends on you. Okay. Dodge and pick up my weapons.

Okay. I'm just picking, I'm trying to wait for the first crossbow bolt and I'm gonna hit them with a vicious mockery. Okay, so is this... Yeah. And I'm looking for the first crossbow bolt that's gonna go towards one of my friends and try and deflect it. Who are you gonna get in front of? Am I near Caleb? Who am I near? You're all kind of in a clustered circuit.

You're in your camp, except for Molly who's kind of made. I'll protect Caleb. He just pissed him off. Okay. Yeah. Ford? Yes, I'm firing, yes. Okay. Towards the main guy? No, another one. Okay. Yeah. So go ahead and make your attack rolls, please. Giant, purple, lollipop.

Oh, make a spiritual weapon. You posted out the lollipop? I did it. Lollipop. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la pa pao Oh god, you guys, keys. Boom, bum, boom. Is it plus five, I forget?

Yes. Okay, yeah, 15. 15, that hits, gonna roll damage. Yes. Caleb, make your attacks for the scorching rate. Yeah, that's 18 to hit. Yes. Yes.

Oh, the first one, right, it's three. Sorry, it's a brand new spell. Nice. Second one is a 24. Hits. And the third one is a natural 20. Two. Oh, three hit.

Okay, so the first is 11, and then I got 12, 13. Damn it. Yeah, that's 25. Is that natural 20? 35. 37, total. What?

37 points of damage? Yeah. All on one guy? Yeah. It was three at three, three things aflame, go shoot, because I did this. Immediately Asna, That ray is released.

That's 16 to hit. The fire start. Oh, right. They're attacking me. They're all hit. Come on, Dural Flame, come on. All three hit. And 12 to hit.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Oh, God. All at you? So as the flames go out, these come in. As the flames escape, four crossbow bolts. All, two of them are heavy, and two of them are Light crossbow.

I was holding my action for that crossbow bolt. I was also going to. Win it him. Correct. So you went to intercede. I'll allow you to take the hit on that one then. So the damage goes through to you automatically. Can I blood Maladek one of them or no?

I'll allow you to do the other one of them. Okay. Well, technically I already made the attack rolls. Oh, okay. That's okay. So that would have been seven points of piercing damage. Oh, that, yeah, that's a nine plus seven. So you catch one right before it hits Caleb.

Can I go ahead and burn a key to go back? You can. Bam, doing that shit. So go ahead and roll. That is a D10 plus your dexterity modifier. D10? Yeah, it's a heavy crossbow. Oh, in terms of damage.

Yes. Fuck. Yes. It's all the hit back, yeah. I think I do, right? Yeah. You're considered proficient though. Yeah.

That's a 15 naturally. Yeah, that is. And then, so D10, fuck, that's, oh, fucking one, so five points of damage, that's lame. Okay. Caleb, you do suffer from the bolts that do make it through to you. 13. 19 points of piercing damage. I have 19 hit points.

Damn it, I, if I would have rolled one fucking higher. But the last thing you watch is the leader, who've been talking with you, gets slammed up in the air about two feet with an upper cut from a mystical lollipop. And then all the rays incinerate him into ash in midair. He is scattered to ash. One of the other guys gets hit with his own bolt.

Another guy goes blind. What are you doing? I was the Eldridge blasting him. What other against which guy? Just any of them. All right. 19 to hit. 19 to hit.

works, go and roll damage. That is 12 points of damage. Oh, fuck. You watch his he gets a blast at the side of the face and just goes down unconscious onto the ground. His crossbow fires wide into the air, and just disappears into the night sky. As soon as this happens, as you fall unconscious,

all these hits happen like this mess can stand off that just suddenly all this action happens at once. Caleb goes down, two other guys double over. Two of them go, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. I pop out of the cart. and I'm holding the giant, the giant glave. Okay.

I light it up. Yeah, the sucker's just spinning the air. All of a sudden, as the sucker is spinning and you watch, it's this bright burst of radiant energy is crappling on the edge of this nasty-looking, knollish blade. They're all just kind of standing there. What happened to Trevor?

Oh, Trevor's with the way I just. I just felt my first dot safe. Okay. Oh, ready, you wanted to roll. He didn't even tell you. Six seconds when by. Oh, Jesus. See, Trevor doesn't put his fucking nose

where it didn't belong. Unless you want to join him, I'd get the fuck out of here. I'm gonna walk over to Caleb while I'm like, doing this and I'm gonna cast cure wounds on him. All right, go for it. I don't know if you know, but syphilis is fucking contagious. One of them nearby walks over to where Trevor was, where his boots on the ground now are smoking,

and picks up like a handful of ash and goes, We're gonna go ahead and wish you a good night. I think you're gonna give us everything on your cart. We don't have a cart. I thought you were the cart. We were gonna load our stuff onto your cart. No, we were taking your cart. Oh, well, where'd you come from? That's so stupid. This is a really terrible plan.

Don't we steal your cart, let me get your stuff from... Shut up! I'm sorry. Well then, give us all your clothes, then. Yeah, your headbands are lame, but I want them. Make an intimidation check. I'm gonna disappear back into the woods. That was so close to being good. Live!

I'm gonna, he goes, no. Oh, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna use devil's tongue. Come on, we're all friends here. Why don't you just walk away, leave your things, and just admit your defeat. It was a good try. This is a vicious mockery? No, this is not vicious mockery.

This is a charmed person. Right. That's a four. Yep. Nope. So he goes, Amanda makes a valid point and just starts taking his trousers off immediately in the place.

All the other guys go, they all start pulling and stripping their armor off. And as they take their masks off, you can see a lot of them just look like dirty, poor, wandering brigands. A lot of them are missing, varying teeth. A lot of them look just, they haven't had a bath in days. They look kind of like Caleb. And they look genuinely,

they look genuinely perturbed by the fact that you incinerated their de facto leader, Trevor. And there's a moment where they go from these really frightening, just nameless thieves to a bunch of people that you kind of feel sorry for as they kind of strip down and throw their armor on the ground. A lot of them are just left with either just some semblance of slacks or some sort of tattered long johns

that are just stained and awful. They throw their crossbows onto the ground. They throw their short swords and daggers onto the ground. Juster, maybe we can let them have a little fucking dignity as they leave. As he says that I already begin to start picking through the remains of the leader's shit. Looking to see if anything is left.

What? Well, there are two shorts swords that are currently, what looks to be covered in soot that was once their previous owner. All the rest of the armor has been burnt and charred, and there is ashes. While they're talking, can I kind of do a long circle around the whole campsite looking for like horses that are tied up?

Okay. 19. You do see. There are ways over the previous hill, what appears to be nine horses that are all briefly hitched to what looks to be a few stakes that are pounded into the ground. I will unhitch the stakes. Yes, you will.

Let's see here. Five of them all just kind of shoe, the meekest five I'll shoe off into the woods. And the other four I'll try to control and take with me somewhere else. Make an animal handling, check. Yes, come on. Eighteen plus.

Plus three, no, no, plus zero. You have been learning as you've made your way past these, these barriers with nature's beautiful natural creatures, managed to get four sets of these reins. These horses look pretty malnourished, and they were probably stolen too. Some of them have brands with different types of brands, so they get the sense that they were probably pulled

from different homesteads. And as you pull them together, there's a moment if you're waiting for them to draw and quarter you, just based on what you're holding, just like, But they follow. They follow, and you kind of carefully begin to walk a perimeter around. While that's happening.

So now that the leader's dead, who's the de facto leader here? Speak up, be bold. Two of the ones go, me. They both look each other and shing each other down with these horrible glares and go, no, it's me! Again, at the same time. Fuck you at the same time.

They're just kind of frustrated. Do you know, do you know, parchment shears stone? Do you know, yeah? Bolder. Closure, parchment cheers. Do you know that game? Pick your leader.

Do it, come on. They both kind of come together and... Kiss yourself, Matthew. All right, the one on the left who looks to be a... A scraggly redhead, probably in his, like, probably close to 20 or 21 years old, wins the bout of Boulder, parchment shears. Step forward. Would you agree that the previous... Do you agree that the previous leadership of this group has probably failed you on some level?

No, I'm going to say so. Yeah? No, I mean Trevor, he, what? Look where you are right now, Simon. I know, Trevor's turned to ashes. It was a bad decision. It was very bad. He did it was a very bad man. Perhaps you should rethink your line of work. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're all right. Right? And all the boys go, right.

Molly, I think they asked for need of bath. All right. Here's the day. If everyone's fine? Yeah. You could have bathed me. Maybe. Put your clothes back on. This is just embarrassing.

All of you, don't pick up your weapons. Maybe your weapons. They start taking their clothes and the one who this young kid beat Boulder Hartman Shears is like, you're fucked up, Zinny. Do not criticize new management until it's had time to take full effect. Right. Right. They all start putting on, like, bits of their clothing,

but most of them are just kind of holding under their arms. Now, line up. Line up. How many are there? Nine. No, not that. No, there's eight now, and three of them look like they're hurting pretty bad. One of them has their own crossbow bolt on their chest that bow through and is still there,

and he's like, I'm just kind of holding it. Now you're all gonna leave tonight. You're gonna find something better to do with yourselves. And remember, no matter how you die or where, we can identify your bodies without the heads. So be careful. And I'm gonna give and align one gold piece each to each of them in a row. Yes. I like that a lot.

They all look very confused. Now for this, you promised that your terrible bandit days are over, because you're really really not very good at this. I mean, we were barely paying attention. This is pathetic. But you were barely paying attention? Well, it's not cast aspirations. I mean management, it's only been two days. They'll kind of lower their head and one of them goes, Yeah, Zinny. He's like, shut up. So you're all walking away with one gold. Right, right, right, right. It's about as well as this night could have gone for you.

Make sure you wash your gold thoroughly because they're all infected with syphilis. There's so much syphilis. Two of them just drop the coins in the ground and then pick them up again with the bits of their cloth. If I will, I feel like our money should still buy something. You know, a service. We teach these good men to make money based on the services they provide. Precisely did you have in mind. You all have one fucking job.

You go and you tell all your stupid friends. No one fucks with the Mighty Nine. You see as like three of them are like quietly under their breath. Mighty Nine, Mighty Nine, okay. But spelled like in, E, I, In? The Mighty Nine, don't forget it. It's at that moment you think you've lost most of it. It's in Zimnion.

Partially. Unless anybody else has anything to say. That's all I got. All right? Yeah, yeah. The traveler's with you all forever. And ever. He's stomaturgy to make that big.

Yeah, definitely. I agree. You Gandalf voice it for a moment, and they all kind of take a step back. So, lead is any way off too. He's like, I think, uh, it's just had to win. It's a very bold decision. Well done. Okay. Thank you.

You're welcome. Go away now. And they all just quickly kind of dart off, they're pulling their pants up the rest of the way. and making their way back into the field. They're avoiding, yeah, you've certainly made their evening. Oh man, did you see that? You thought you burned that other guy up. Did you see how much you burned that? Oh, sorry. I caught one of them. I just like go up and put a hand on each of them like to cover the blood holes.

Oh, carve up my nips. I'm going to gather the swords and the crossbows and put them on the cart. I don't have any more hands, Caleb. Don't do it. Don't do it. Put my knee up on the hole. Stop it, stop it.

I'm going to cure your wounds now. It's ready for it. It's going to be so good. I think I'm going to faint right now. No, no, no. Oh, it's gone. Oh, I'm glad. He likes it.

He's all right. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He's going to feel great when he wakes up. Yeah, like a million bucks. Oh, I'll be the greatest breakfast he's ever. That one isn't as good. That's only four.

Sorry. You pulled out all three of them at once, you know, I didn't have any. I hate more can like. All right. You guys eventually settle yourselves down to continue your evening of rest. I'll walk it, we're back into camp

with the horses and tie them up. I found some horses. Oh, shit. I named them. Lou, John, crapper, and toilet. Wow. I'll take toilet. I take crapper.

I'll take John. I'll take Lou. All right. So keep in mind now that you're having to feed and take care of six horses. Oh, gosh. Okay. I feed the toilet like so many donuts. I just feed them so many.

You're running pretty low in donuts. I know. It's crumbs and like moldy bits of paste. at the bottom of my bed now. It's, they didn't start as lemon tarts. I had like 12 stuffed in there. 2 a.m. on a Sunday at a Starbucks right now. It's just there's nothing.

Basically, yeah. You guys. Just, yeah, the low-nose cake pop. I'm out of pastries. I'm out of money and I'm out of pastries. How are money? Money. Well, compared to what I had, this is bullshit.

What did you have before? I don't know, it's like a pretty big pile though. This is like another big pile. This was like a big pile. When you were with your mother? Yeah. Oh my God. I don't even know what you do with that much money.

This is ridiculous. You buy clothes for your horse that draws your carriage, which is something I did. You put clothes on your horse. That's a great idea. It was real pretty. What happened to those clothes on that horse? Well, I think I left them on the side of the road somewhere, actually.

What did I do that? Horse or the club. She's full bullshit. The inside check. All right. Why did I do that? 12. Hard to read.

I can't remember. I saw something super interesting. Yeah. Shit. If it was that interesting, why can't remember it? I see a lot of interesting things. That's fair. I bet that horse made a great gift for someone else.

You probably made somebody really happy. Maybe a little girl who wanted a horsey for a birthday. I just started kicking the ash of the... ash of the former leader out, just to spread him around, fucking lay back down. Are you still out? How many swords and crossbows random things do we have?

He'll be out for the morning. Two heavy crossbows. Two heavy crossbows. Three light crossbows. Two heavy crossbows. You've got, yeah, okay. Too heavy. This is not a good system.

Travis, will you teach her how to keep track of our group stuff? Nope. Trousy, my sense, would be better. I'm gonna be better. This is the worst. Too heavy, grossbows, too light bows. Two hand crossbows.

Two hand crossbows. Oh, just in addition to the two light crossbows? Too heavy, too light, two hand. Two hand. I'm writing it. It's like all over the place next to dick pics. Oh. What would amount to about, I think it's 43 bolts?

Yeah, this would be helpful for you. Do you want to hold then? No, because what if we need... Someone else... I'll send some in the cart in case someone ends up in the cart. No one else is gonna use crossbow, okay. I'll take 20. 20, got it. And six short swords and two daggers.

Holy moly. I'm at 30. But you could load up the cart, carrying them on your purse to be a problem. That cart's getting pretty full. Thankfully we have more horses. Yeah. We got the fucking Wells Fargo carriage now. Yes.

Oh my God, it totally is. Oh yeah. What's up? Mind you, all the equipment you found from them, not in the best condition. The swords are dinged shit, but chipped in places, like they've been just banging against hard pieces. Yeah, it's I roll Caleb over and make sure he's not face down in the dirt. He's breathing, it's good. I cover him up, he's fine. All right, you guys eventually find yourselves. Back to rest for the evening. You're keeping second watch now? He was gonna keep second watch. Yes, I'm second watch.

So not, go ahead and roll perception check for me. Eight. You cut. Take the moe, take the moh! Jesus God. Oh, you're awake. Ah, hello. Now we are all awake.

We're having a bad dream. The party is over. Why would you say that? One day we're gonna have a real big talk about your issues. You have major glass indentations on your face. That is I don't wear dresses. Then what the fuck is that you have a big talk about your issues. That's very weird.

The syphilis is creeping up into your eye. It's like a tiny shrine run. That was some good lying. Oh boy. Your face is fucked up. Look over here. Oh shit. That's commitment.

I've been asleep face down in the cart it feels like. Where are we? We're still camping. We're in the same exact place. You are not dead. Did we make it to the dash? Well, Caleb, go back to sleep. You're ruining everyone's sleep. It's literally been about 10 minutes.

Okay, let's fight these fuckers. Where are they? They're all day. They're gone. We took their horses. They were already gone when you passed out. You were very intimidating. You did a great kid. Yes.

There we go. All righty. Is he always like this? Yes. He's very sponed. Oh. Third and final watch? Yes.

Go for it. Good wrist hat. Terrible role. It's. Wow! Please tell me it's less than a 10. Oh yeah. It's six.

I mean that's six perception checks when we were in a row that we're under 10. Yeah. So, we deserve our... During your final watch, people are finishing up their rest. The sun just barely begins to, or would be cresting over the hills. The slight change in light is the precursor that notifies you of dawn. However, the heavy, dark clouds in the sky and the sudden sound of thunder, immediately followed by the immediate freezing cold rainfall

that begins to just spill across the entirety of your campsite. All of you begin to come to consciousness, finishing your long rest by immediately being drenched and freezing water of a recent storm here on the Merrow Valley fields. Hey guys, it's raining. Are you sure? Yeah. Have you checked?

Yeah. Hold on. Camping sucks. Yeah, that's rain. That's a little water. I'm gonna fold my coat up and put it away and just vest and vest in shirt. I take out that heavy cloak and put it over my damn head. Okay.

You guys all kind of bundle up what you can. The horses are kind of trying to, you know, stay warm and close to each other. I take my cloak off and put it around toilet's head. Okay. See? Aww. The world of Sonic the Hedgehog.

has been thrust into a not-so-dark, not-so-stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody saw coming. Follow Sonic and the Intrepid Chaotic's Detective Agency, as they take on their biggest case yet. This high-flying action-packed adventure will take them across the world, fighting for every clue they can fight. It's one heck of a tale, which is good, because this story might...

might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well, if that's all, I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? All will be revealed in. Sonic the Hedgehog presents the Chaotic's Case Fires. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. When the Chaotics are on the case. Oh, please, not that music.

That music gives me nightmares from my childhood. Could we get something a little bit lighter, some lighter music here? Are you a fan of True Crime TV shows? And what about Unsolved Mysteries? The show that jumped started all of our love of True Crime. I'm Ellen Marsh. And I'm Joey Taranto. And we host, I Think Not, a True Crime comedy podcast

covering some of the wildest stories from your favorite true crime campy TV shows all the way to Unsolved Mysteries. Baby, you will laugh, you will cry. You'll think about true crime in a whole new way, and you'll also ask yourself, who gave these people mics? New episodes of I Think Not are released every Wednesday with bonus episodes out every Thursday on Patreon.

And every Monday you can listen to our True Crime Rundown, where we go over the top true crime headlines of the week. So come and join us wherever you listen to your podcast. I'm not going to talk about the state of the Manicor head at the moment, which is now just wrenched it around. The cold weather will be good for it. Yeah. All right.

So you guys have rested for the evening. You continue back onto the path and continue forward. Who's keeping watch on this next journey? All right. Perception check for me, please. So you're healing back? It's 12. 12.

You glance off the side of the western edge of the Amber Road and see what looks to be a neglected grave site, maybe 300 feet off the road's path. It's overgrown in the fields. At a quick glance, you can gather maybe close to 200 various stones that are grave markers and various states of disrepair and erosion over time. Just kind of as you ride past and see in the distance,

it looks to be a landmark, an older landmark that's been left to be reclaimed by nature. At our closest, how do we get to it before passing it? You probably get about 80 or 90 feet from it. This is, everybody's sleeping? No, everyone's up in the cart or riding. Not on the cart, okay, okay, okay. You guys continue on past up the road.

Are you still keeping watching this? Am I controlling the cart at this point if everybody is sleeping? It'll be just like keeping an active view out before. We're all on horses. We're all just going, and I'm keeping it. I'm keeping watch. No, like your, not might be driving the cart, you might be sitting in the car,

but the rest of us are on horses next to the car. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, I want to, um. Whoa, whoa. I think he's so good at that. I just have to take a piss, hold on. I'm going to walk over towards the graves. I want to get the- It's true.

He does need to pee quite frequently. There's, there's a Malt Cemetery. You glance over where he's going to pee and you can see what looks to be a long disuse cemetery. I would like to get about 40 or 30 feet within range of it and start taking a tinkle. Okay. I'm gonna crawl over there on my horse as well

and just sort of get a feel of it. Okay. You approach it, as you're finishing your business, you can get within 30 feet or so and you look and you can see a lot of the stones are intact. Some of them have been cracked and broken, but a lot of them, what once may have been a well, The preemeter of earth, dirt, and dust has since been completely retaken by the grasses

of the field. While the grasses aren't as tall as the surrounding field may be, the greenery and the moss has taken a lot of the stone, and you would have to, to read a lot of them. You'd probably have to clear off whatever bit of growth has reached up and claimed them. I'll pick a random one. After I shake it and put it away, I move my fingers in a shape in the air and whisper a few Darken Woods and cast detect magic within range of the gravestones. Okay. Yeah. As you begin to do a conscious pass across the grave, nothing magical catches your attention

within the radius you're observing. Okay. I squeeze out a single fart and go back to the cut. Okay. Anything? Wow. Anything. Make an investigation. Oops. With...

With... No. With advantage or no? As you're seeking anything that's really stand, yeah, go for it. Natural 20. Okay. Glancing.

I'm cleaning off one. As you pick one and kind of look for any signs of grave immersion or grave robbery or different things that may be attributed to the necromantic studies that involve the creation and or maintenance of undead. The site seems to be largely undisturbed. It looks to be, you go through one name and it says,

Bejan, the next one you go by, it says Averin, and kind of the next stone says, Yomor. And the markings are simple, they're very simple stones. So it looks like whoever was buried here was done so at the very basic level of marking a gravesite. Your foot hit something hard in the ground and your toe kind of, ugh. And you go down and what looks to be a rusted helmet of a iron make. You pick it up. Make a history check. Like nobody's gonna want metal, we're just gonna be driving around that bused

jalopy with a shitload of metal. Not a six. You're not able to make out any details of the construction of it or any significance of it, but it's an old helmet and it looks like a lot of the edges of it appear to have just slowly been taken by the oxygenization of it. Okay. As you guys are waiting, Caleb's return in a few moments later, maybe about 10 minutes after you watch as Molly approaches, kind of tossing this deeply rusted iron helmet in his hand.

What is that? Can I say that? Of course. Yeah, I would like to, what do I recognize this? Make a history check. Yeah. It's a good helmet. Yeah. That is 14.

Okay. You have a little more grasped understanding of the history of the valley. The markings on this indicate that this helmet belonged to a regiment of the Jewelis Dominion. The Jewelis Dominion, which you recall is the last remaining empire to be conquered by the Dwendolian Empire nearly two centuries before. What?

Jules, what? Jules dominion. Two centuries. Dach was the capital of that empire before the Dwendolian rule. conquered them and took over. As opposed to erasing their society, they've just allowed it to be integrated

into their own beliefs and then just imposed their life upon those people, their laws, their rules, and adjusted as they saw fit. But that marked the end of it. And so this gravesite seems to have been a reminder of soldiers that fought probably in those conflicts or something around that time period and has just been left, to the annals of memory,

as the dwindalian influence, left no real particular interest and those to keep tabs of the history behind them. Caleb says, you know, it's funny, and then says everything that you just did, to everyone in the group. That's very interesting. Gets your helmet back. You're very informative, Kayles.

So we can still sell that for scrap metal, though, right? I read. I mean, it's pretty rusty. Yeah, it's, yeah. But maybe to like a music. museum or something. It's true. It was steep in history.

The Duindalian Empire kind of sucks, you guys. Yeah, I lived here my whole life. It's kind of lame. I mean, the Menagerie Coast is really cool. I've never been that far. Oh, it's amazing. A lot of places in Duendalian, but not that far. There must be some nice places here, right?

I don't know. Everything I've seen so far. Well, that village we were just in was not bad, except for, you know, the Nol attacks. That's true. was a soldier of the Dwyndalian Empire? They're on the outskirts. Yeah. The further on the outskirts are the more tolerable they are. Further north we go?

Further out you are the easier it is to bentels. And what's the capital of the Duendalian Empire? It's... Let's consult on. Is it Rex and Trump? What? Rexentrum. Yes.

Well, that's where the magic school is, right? Yeah. I'm just telling you, the more north we go, the stricter it's gonna get. You're gonna see more and more of the empire in its influence. Crazy. Here, but maybe they'll have nicer things.

Arts, culture. Of course they will. They're like arts and culture. That's where all the money is. They have the best of the best in the north, yeah. No, they have money. Do they like arts and culture in the Duendalian Empire? What and culture?

Arts and culture. Arts and culture. Arts and culture. Do they like painting? Arts and vultures. What are you talking about? Good mood. I hear.

Yeah. Okay. That's good. Yeah. You guys continue moving northward again. The rain's still pouring as you all. Maintain warmth best you can bundling up with various travel supplies, blankets and insulation. You can muster off the cart in your own.

No, I was taking in the rain. Yeah, well, I like it. It's very nice. What motions you're doing. Shut up. I could see it in my head. Frumpkin is fucking miserable because he's drenched. He doesn't unlike the world.

Yeah. All right. As you push into the latter half of the afternoon, a few hours before the sun begins to set, you begin cresting a large hill along the road before you notice a trio of spiky peaks catching your eye, breaking the skyline ahead of you. As you begin to come higher up to the top of that hillside,

you can watch these peaks slowly on the veil into the rest of the massive skyline of the city of Zadash, breaking the horizon. It's an incredible sight compared to the rural townships you've encountered here in the empire thus far, and comparable en masse to the coastal metropolis of Port de Mali, where you grew up. The 15-foot perimeter walls outlined

the somewhat triangular shape of the city from your current perspective, which the community's spilling beyond the project of ballworks kind of cascade beyond the walls into what looked to be ramshackle, tent cities, and hovel towns. As you ride down the road towards the stretch that leads to the southern wing gates, you pass through fields of crop workers that are currently out there with heavy shawls and head coverings in the process of harvesting various vegetables and crops

from the field. Some take note of your presence and just watch as you pass and then go amongst their work. Others are too involved who could care less about the constant passing the northward and southward. As you approach closer to the city still, the external neighborhoods begin to envelop your vision. As small farmsteads, homes begin to mingle with these tents and shacks you had seen at a distance. You watch as a mother in ragged clothes plucks a chicken

before noticing your band and sending her six-year-old boy over, dirt smeared in his face and no shoes, running up to the mud outside the carton just puts his hands out towards you as you walk past. Toss him a silver. He takes it and runs back to his mom, and she just kind of nods. It doesn't make icon to the, I tact with you,

but as soon as the child approaches, kind of gives a nod. Continues, pulling feathers out. Pushing on the foot traffic. Sorry, Caleb trips or pretends to into the mud and scoops up two fistfuls of mud and shoves them into his pockets. Okay. Easily enough.

Easily enough. So pushing on the foot traffic grows heavier near the gate. A huge 15 foot wide, currently open portcullis that's being held off by chains beyond your visual range. As two pairs of crown guards flank each side of this opening with semi-watchful eyes. They're not interrogating passers by, but keeping a close watch as folks enter in and out. You can see what looks to be another caravan is currently in the process of loading up and getting ready to leave southward. You can see people are walking in and out from the external. central shantytown and other individuals are kind of similar paying attention to the

your other, once again, your colorful band by comparison. Most of the folks here you see range between your typical human populace to the occasional half-ling and dwarf. The ferrer races beyond that haven't caught your eye yet on this exterior perimeter. Stepping beyond the crown scar just keeping the watch as you pass, you emerge beyond the ground's guard just keeping the watch as you pass. You emerge beyond the the threshold of the entry gate on the southern wall here into Zadash. The smell of wet earth manure immediately hits your nose, accompanied by the sound of hooves, mingling conversations and distant shouts in the barking of dogs as they welcome you into this new and interesting city. Glancing up, you can see the buildings around you that flank

the street continue to be rather destitute in the atmosphere, but then eventually begin to graduate into a standard village feel. We've arrived. It is still raining? It is still raining, currently, yes. This place sucks! Too much water. You should find a place to take some shelter until its rain lets up. Are we supposed to go to the pillow trove or the leaky tap?

Well, we should probably hit the leaky trap tap first in the west outer space. Agreed that is the first stop. The east-western. What was it? The east-best western. It was in the west of the outer. What was that? I thought it was the East outer.

We are looking for Cloudtower's sheet. East? East. It was? I don't know. I thought they said. I got Claudia as Shee. I remember exactly and Matthew will tell me because of my key in minefield.

This is the best thing you've ever done. So Bryce, when they were talking about this, Bryce grew up in the West Outer Steads. But Liki Tap was in the East. But when Bryce grew up in the West. I took the flippy feet. Looks like you're writing a letter. Looks like you can't remember the details the DM told you. Would you like to ask them again and get an exact replication?

As the horses are clopping through the mud and you guys are having this conversation, kind of slowly making your way through the town. Everyone else is rushing about the business, but you're kind of leisurely just taking it in the vicinity. You hear this kind of coughing off to the side. and you watch as a bundled up, kind of hunched-looking human approaches and goes, Hello! You look a bit lost and obviously not from around here.

As the face looks up, you can see within the hood. Looks to be a somewhat pudgy-looking older man in his kind of mid-60s or so it looks to be. He has a thick, bushy, kind of gray mustache that turns into a full like stone wall, beard on the side. He has a monocle up in one eye. Yes. but it looks a bit scratched.

No. The cloak he's wearing is kind of just covering the rest of his form, but as he looks up, and I'm just happy to greet you to our fair city. Do you require anyone to help you around to show you the grounds? How much? For a day's work, that would merely run you.

A paltry two gold pieces. Might your name be kind, stranger? I. I'm Ulysses Stannarus. I've lived here my entire life. I'm a purveyor of all the great sights and sounds of the city, and it would be my pleasure. Ulysses, are you going to flash us or try to sell us some watches?

Yeah, yeah. What is a watch? Is it stand-wut? There is clockwork in this. There you go, try to sell us some clockwork. Oh, he only knows it by the Zinnian name. You mean like a guard? No, like a.

Like a clock croosin. That's how you say it in your language, I'm making. Mechanical person. A clock and ticking. You are adorably fucking wrong right now. I've been picking up little bits of the language. Okay, so to say yes, it is yeah. That is your first lesson.

Yeah. Everything else you said is shit. Staggerous. Staggerous or standerous? Standerous. Ulysses Standereris. Ulysses. Strong name, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ulysses. It's a fine offer, Ulysses. Where would you have us get out of this rain for a bit? Well, there is a small tunnel, maybe about several hundred feet above that'll give us some break from the rain. Wait, inside check this motherpuff.

Yeah, of course. Please. Let me take it to the shadiest place, Taurus. Yeah. Central 20. Yay! Yes, Yes.

D-Mu'A. D&M. D&D.M. D&D. Beyond. So you don't want to type in an and because that will take you to a port site. What does it?

What does Stannis Barathean say? I mean... Should we go to this dingy tuttle? I guess. I guess we can. But why you say that because it's a good idea or because you're feeling? I don't know, he just seems kind of like a good guy.

I mean, shifty. But I don't think he's trying to fuck us right now. Inside check. Trust. You're inside checking. Trust. 18. Can I whisper to him?

Yeah, you're going to. We're having a both. This is our first change. I do this so much. What? What is going on right now? D and D beyond. That's D in D.

With an in. Beyond. A little hitch in it. D and D. Or not you're welcome to wander as you see fit, but I was just merely willing to help. What do you have under that cloak? Is it weapons? He takes the edges and kind of daintfully holds the cloak open, presentory style.

and he's dressed in very fine clothing, like a nice coat that's buttoned with like a little cravat and fine trousers, or at least they were at one point. The edges are a little tattered. It looks like his one nice suit he's had for maybe 20 years, and it's definitely seen some rough days. You get the sense from this whole package here that either he feigns some level of prominence

or has fallen very hard. from it. Well, Jester, if he's fine by you, I mean, let's get out of the rain. I'm fucking soap. He seems pretty okay, I guess. To the tunnels! I cast friends on him. Oh.

So soon. Frunz. Yes. Freundes. Yeah. Freundz. And I say, my friend.

My friend. Yes. I have just cast a spell on you, okay, so you have to listen to what I'm saying, okay? I think you're just cast a spell on you, okay? I think you're just cast a spell on you. I think you're kind of an asshole, but so are we. We are the mighty nine, and we will fuck you so hard if you fuck with us.

What? Make an intimidation check with advantage. 20. Okay, he goes, well, first off, that's terribly rude. Uh, affecting me with any sort of arcane-based nature enchantments upon first meeting me with, then I've been so gracious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're a bunch of arshloch, yeah, we're assholes, it's fine, but I'm just saying... But do you pay?

Today. Today we do. Then I think we'll do quite well working together. Okay, you see this one, the purple one? He will cut you from naval to nuts. So please have fun with us, but don't you fuck us. I'd no better than to cross anyone with Joassian blund. And then you're welcome to it. Well then, shall we get out of this rain?

Follow me. And he closes his cloak and begins to dart with a really rapid gate further down the road and then curb off to the right. And you can now see the city, beyond the outer wall, it looks like there are a number of perimeter walls that have arches between them, almost like under a bridge. And there are constructs or houses that are built through those gaps. And in these small tunnels that are maybe 15, 20 feet in length, but 40 foot wide, and you know, 30 foot wide where these large separation barriers are.

And you can see along the top there are who looks to be carts that move on their own along these wall tops. You kind of catch your eyes. One kind of shifts down. Like a people mover? Kind of. Like a people mover.

Like Disney. They have a monorail? They have a monorail. He guides you underneath one of these arches. these arches. Does it look shady in there? I mean, does it look like, are there people in there? Yeah, there's people wandering through. It's just when one where the streets turns off to it. It sounded a lot shadier when he presented it than it was. But it's more just like a brief respite from the rain where people are walking through and, you know, occasionally you see a couple crown scar will come

through passing. The sky's good. Forgive our friends. We were, someone attempted to mug us on the way into the city. He's still a bit sore. That's all right. He governed from four arrows to the chest. Three, actually, because you got one. Yeah, Marple. I'm fine. That's impressive.

Mighty-Gne. And he pulls his hood back, and he has this kind of Benjamin Franklin's skullet going on, where it's like this curly, wavy gray hair, but it's just balding on top, and he kind of throws the cloak over one shoulder. So now that you've arrived, what's your business here? What can I help you with? What do you want to see? What can I show you?

Oh, well, we need to... Sell some things. We need to get to a blacksmith. We need to go somewhere that they'll buy like expensive and magicy things and somewhere that they'll buy like kind of junky shitty things. Antiques. Antiques.

Both of those, you can probably find it in the Pentamarket. Pentamarket. Pentamarket. Pentamarket. Would the Pentamarket market also have the finest inks and parchment? It would have probably some of the finer inks, yes. The finest?

You could probably find there or in the tri-spires, but... Tris spires. Tris spires. Of a trispiles, yeah, okay. What about of arcane quality? There are a few places you could go, yes. Actually, if we're going towards the pentamarket, your best luck there would be the invulnerable vagrant.

Yes. Invonorable vagrant? Yes. Excellent names in this place. Whoa. Also, I am a collector of rare tones. I have a great appreciation for literature. So where might I find the most...

Nourty picture books. Elaborate writings in the city. That would probably be at the archive. The archive? Yes. Could you give me a little more background? That is a very common word. The archive of the Cobalt Soul here in the city.

It's a library that is maintained by a number of believers. But as long as you're not taking anything from within and your approved entry and heavily watched within, for the most part you can peruse the content of the interior. That is excellent. And also, my big reader, is there only place that has like pulp fiction and shitty smut? I mean, sure there are, but I would not bother myself with such base interest of reading. Inside check. The inside check. That is 23.

23. Oh, many whispers. How many whispers. My friend, can I take him by the hands to say, you have given us a great welcome into this city. It's my pleasure. I'm so eager to learn all about it, and I take my hands away and he has two gold in his hand.

Just know, I'm a big reader. Then, perhaps if you find your way somehow into the tri-spire's southern quarter, not somewhere in the vicinity. Okay, let me look it up off of this. I went to my own notes. It worked. Ah, on the southern side of the silken terrace,

you would find a place known as Chastody's Nook. And that may be where you'll find what you're looking for, friend. That was one of the names of the other courtesans at the place my mom. Oh, that's a good name for her chesty nook. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I'll probably be staying at the leaky tap.

The leaky tap, you're sir. Yes. That's affordable. We're trying to keep a low profile. Fair enough, fair enough. The leaky tap, that'll be... They're sister companies. The eastern outsteads, actually. A bit of a rowdy clientele.

The same owner. Perfect for me. But it's... It's body and fun. Definitely vertical for me. Is there also, do you say there's a reasonable bathhouse for someone who's a... Stinky.

And complicated in the horns. For your clientele. Somewhere I can take a nice bath in peace. Or you can take a nice bath, yes. That could be a... Can't serve run them. Please. Run us through an Incyclopedia Britannica, give it to us.

I know. I know. I know. Too much. Not yet. Not yet. Don't you? Don't you?

The steams respite. That will do it. Caleb heard that. I throw another gold, Adam. You are a faunt of information. Oh, that's what I'm here for. The pillow trove, is that in the trispires? That is.

Okay. And he glances quickly over towards Caleb. You're not planning to stay there, are you? Why? We've heard good things. They work for a certain clientele. You can be frank. What kind of clientele?

Those who live in the dry spire or can afford to stay at the, well, you're welcome to try. Are they super, super snooty there? You could say that, yes. Do they not like you very much? Oh, not anymore. Oh, you used to be a regular. I was a man about town, yes.

Was. Well, things change, life changes. Partners disappear with your business's goods and funds and leave you having to make a living, showing people around the city. It was telling, yeah. That's awful. That does sound terrible. It's very sad, I know. But anyway. What shop did you, you sewed?

Well, we used to run a business that sold and traded leathers, but I was housed in scraping by ever since. Are you a craftsman in the trade? I was more of a business connection, if you will. My partner was the crafter. I do a few things I picked up throughout the years, but... I mean, a businessman can sell anything, right? Why don't you get back into it?

Still have all those connections? Put it this way. Strangely enough, I make half as much with a quarter of the emphasis doing what I'm doing for you now. Fair. A lot of people come through town. A lot. Is it easy to work around the empire?

Yeah. It can be. You can look for work. You can head to the points out here. This should be... The signet wall, if you're more of a cell sword. The signet wall? The signet wall.

That's where the military stays and most of the Crownsguard are hold up. Let's not go there. Do you know a good blacksmith? A pentamark. It would be a place where you could find there is a spark hammer smithing. It would be of aid to you. There's also packware's provisions, but there are more of a smaller scale smithing goods, tools and such. Packware provisions. More of an antique collector.

Mm-hmm. Maybe he wants that. helmet. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I think we learned a lot. We did. We did.

And looking up at the sky, appears the sun is set, which means my purchased day is done. It's been an absolute pleasure. Oh, but you list, we like you so much. We'll look forward to seeing you again. In the top. To the end. Where do you stay? Oh, well, it appears the top business transaction has come to an end.

If you would like to rent another day, I'd be happy to answer your question. answer your questions. She needs pay for it ever. Yeah, right. Well, come see us at the leaky tap and maybe we'll hire you tomorrow morning. That's true. Can it leans forward to you with a closer look? Maybe.

I have extreme civilists. Make a deception check. One. The fact that that was your lie scares him more than believing it could have ever done. He goes, very well. Joyal stay, the leaky tap. I'll be on my way. And he throws his hood up and darts back out into the rain.

Oh man, I liked him. I'm almost sad that we didn't believe him at first. Was he trustworthy? No. I mean, no, he's not trustworthy, but he can, we are always. but we are birds of a fetter. Don't trust, I'm like trusting people, they're just the worst.

But he was trustworthy enough that he wasn't going to like, you know. Oh no, I have full faith in untrustworthy people. Yes, he was predictably a shit, just as we are. I forgot to ask him about bakery, so I'm going to keep an eye out for them. Okay. I will aid her in that search.

Mm. Okay. So you guys are making your way towards the east outer-stead? Would we be passing through the Penta Market on the way to the Likki Tavern? You'd have to kind of curve around to do that. You think he's like shut down in an hour here? You don't know.

Oh no, you've been here, you've probably been here, but not. I've been here. You haven't spent a lot of time in Zadash. In fact, probably the last thing you did before your family said come home was here. So you know it a little bit. Sure. So you've been to the Penta Market.

You'll be able to guide the rest of them through the pent of market if you wanted to. Do I know that it stays like, do they keep later hours? Yeah, some of them do, some of them don't. Some merchants prefer to use the night for their revelry and spending some of what they made through the day. Some know that those who drink and revel sometimes make poor choices in their purchases, so it can vary.

We can sleep first and then, you know, get settled into the leaky tap and then sell our shit tomorrow. I mean, I'd like to say maybe selling our shit now, that way it doesn't get robbed in the night. Either way. I don't know. I'm inclined to agree, actually. The longer we keep it out here, the more eyes will be on it.

All right. I think the Penta Mark gets that way. I've got a hunch. We can just slide by and see. Small detour. Might be no one home, yeah. All right. So as you guys wander through the cold rain, making your way through,

and this, aside from you perhaps, this is probably the largest city. the largest city any of you have visited, comparable to Port DeMalley, but much taller. The Mali's a little more spread out. This has architecture and buildings that are designed to rise and almost seem to curve when you're looking up at it. At certain moments, if you're not careful, I can give like a hint of vertigo, just at the height of some of these structures. It's like New York compared to L.A.? Yeah, it's a good way to put it. But Wreckson Trim still easily twice the size of this city.

Whoa. So as you make your way outside of the pentam market, and it's called this because kind of central to Zedash, a number of the streets that bisect it naturally carved kind of a pentagonal shape, and the interior between all these streets has since become the center of most merchant business. And there's kind of a bizarre set up in the center

of that pentage shape where carts and tents and buildings out there every day all day. it's just an open market. So as you're kind of making through the rain, and some of them are closing early, some of them are closing up because of the weather, and it's just, you know, it's not going as well as most days would,

when it isn't so freezing. You can see your breath escaping from me with each exhale. You ask around a bit, make an investigation check as you're kind of guiding the troop. Okay. 13 plus four is 17. Yep. 17.

Easy enough, you ask around. You see, if you first, folks that seem to be locals, or at least often find their way through this district, and they lead you over towards a large building of stained wood and green gold velvet hanging on the outside. And the first thought is, that velvet's going to get ruined in this rain. And as you approach the exterior of it, the building is untouched. It is dry. Oh. It's magic.

And you do glance up and you can see carved delicately into a wood placard above the doors, which are currently closed, but little slips of glass in each door reveal kind of a warm lit interior that's glowing from the inside out. It says the invulnerable vagrant. Oh. Caleb, this is gonna be where you're gonna stock up on your instance and some other guys.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I won't be long, excuse me, and I just push in. Okay. I'm gonna find mold of wine. I'm old and I wanna be. I'll join in that. I wanna try to sell the glave here if it's magic If they sell magical weapons at this place.

Okay, so who's entering the... I'll go into. I'll wait back. Go in as well. You guys stay up? We'll watch the cart and we're gonna... We're gonna take the cart to find some mold wine. Okay.

Okay. I'm saying. Remember the name. Yeah. Okay. So as you enter the interior of the building, it's warm. It's very warm and it's kind of a nice change of pace. You immediately kind of put your clock back as your temperature shift causes you.

Everyone but you actually. You're pretty comfortable in the cold. to just immediately kind of throw your heavy layers back. And on the immediate entry, you can see there's lanterns all throughout the chamber that are hanging up above, flickering candlelight, but they all flicker like there's wind when there's none. You also notice that all of them are just kind of floating.

They're little glass chambers that contain the candle and they're all just kind of slowly gyrating held in place. Inside the chamber, you can see it looks to be a long table that has a few small books laid out. On a velvet kind of raised platform, it looks to be a long blade, like a rapier of some kind, but it looks jeweled and gorgeous. In the back, there appears to be a shelf with books and books and books with a desk. And you see what appear to be three figures, two of which are facing away behind the the desk and then the one that's closest to you who turns around to make your appearance.

You see a large seven foot tall humanoid figure. Short kind of bushy, curly brown hair that kind of froze up a little bit around. The body is very, very fine grayish brown fur. And their nose is wide, almost like, I wanna say, a cow or a bull's nose across a human face. The chin's a bit square, and the physicality is kind of hunched,

and there's just a big smile on the face. Yes. I'm sorry, yes, I have not been in this biggest city in a while. Make a nature check. You have not encountered this folk before in your travels. It's rare to see them ingrained in society but fur bogs.

Furbolts. Furbolts? Yeah, furbogs. They are usually a more nature-based, kind of free-spirited people that live more towards the mountains of the northern forests and the graying wildlands and beyond. To see one here in society catches you off guard,

let alone one that's dressed so well, as you can see these long, elegant robes of deep green and gold. And there's big smile on his face as he spins around. Yes, I'm happy to help you. D.M. Sorry, DM, before I engage in this. You said I've never encountered these, but I've read a lot, so I know of them. I know of them. This is my first encounter. Yeah.

Yeah, dive in. Yeah, hello. Wow, look at those horns. I'm so sorry. You know, I have never... Forget it. I am looking for, I've been in the woods for so long, I'm so happy to be in a metropolis again. I need ink.

Before we can get to that, I just have to say you're respectfully, terribly filthy. And this is an establishment that I have to insist requires some more cleanliness. And as he kind of waves his hand in front of you, You watch as all the dirt on your coat just begins to sift away. You watch as your clothing just becomes cleaned right up the front of you, reaching up towards your neck. And you watch as the dirt begins to kind of fleck away across your face.

I'm tilting, I'm arching my face. As you fight it, a moment passes and you see before you the first time since you've met, a sparkly clean Caleb. Kaine? What have you done to him? What have you done to Kaine? Oh, you're just an excitable little friend there, aren't you? This giant hand goes out and kind of pats you on the head. Oh, gentle. I don't say, I have no idea. I have no idea.

You're beautiful. At this point, the two other figures in the back turn around, and it's the same guy. What? There's two more of the same furball, same outfit. same exact visual. And they both go, hi, hi. Okay, this is a little off-footing, but it's okay. Okay, this is a little off-footing, but it's okay. I invoke duplicity. Whoa, that's just, that's just impressive.

You're impressive. And he reaches out and kind of puts his hand out to shake your hand. What's your name? Jester. And what's your name? Oh, that's Jester number two. Number two. It goes through.

I know, I'm sorry about that. Oh, that's an illusion. Yeah. Okay. I'm enchanter Pumatsal. Pumat, soul. And this, I am also enchanter Prumat's soul. And the guy, the third one goes, I myself am also enchanter Pumat's soul.

So first question that I have for you, Pumats. The fourth one's in the back. Pumat's soul. Is there one of you, and this is fun in games, or you are? There's the prime, Pumet's soul, and well, the three of us are what you would call magically manifested duplicates to aid in his work.

Understood. Understood. Well, I only came here for business, so. Well, welcome to the establishment. The invulnerable vagrant greets all of you humbly. I'm finding very hard to concentrate at the moment, but I know that I need paper and I need the most expensive ink you have. Oh, we have both of those things. Come with me. Okay. He turns around, and you can see now, like, he has, as he turns around, his head is about to smack into one of these candles, and he just, knowing where it is, he's been so practiced, he just ducks under it and continues walking towards the back.

He needs some when I was like, oh, I heard him. And he turns around and takes down a couple of ink wells and sets them in front. The other one is pulling out like stacks of paper and parchment, and they're stacking them up, and they set them there. All right, so how much you need of how much of each? I, you know. This guy's our new Gilmore, you guys. I am not seducing this guy.

You say this now. Chouche. Chouche. Five hundred hours later, we're fighting gods with him. I need your most fine arcane ink, and I also need your finest paper. I need about 150 gold worth of materials. Is that too much to ask?

Yeah, that's comparably, respectfully, a paltry sum. So we can get that paper to you. paper to you? And when you say ink, I have to specify, do you want ink that's used in the ritualistic design and presentation of arcane symbols, scribes, and glyphs, or are you looking for ink that itself is actually enchanted for various uses of manifestation? No, and I pulled two scrolls out of my pack. I have these, I found them in my journeys, and I want to make them a pot of my repertoire.

Oh, that's some wizard stuff. Okay, we can do that. He goes ahead and they muster the paper and the ink that'll easily be utilized for scribing. Matt, Matt. I love you so much. Wow. Oh my gosh. I'm so glad we're not really outside. We're only physically outside, but we get to be at the table and that's so nice. Enchanger, Poo, my soul, do you have any health potions that we might be able to acquire from you? We have a few in Star Kackack.

You want it? It's like, I'm already on it. And he turns around and pulls out what looks to be a large, like eight vial collecting case. He sits on the table. That's one there. And there's a nut. We've got a variety of vials at your disposal. So let us know what you're looking for. How much would a greater healing potion run me? That, let's see here. That would put you about about 200 gold pieces for a single vial. How about one of the more your basic healing? A general general, yeah.

That'll put you at a simple 50 gold pieces. I'll take one of those. It would be my pleasure. Mr. Green Man. What's your name, by the way? Ford. Pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you, yeah.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect your invitation there. What's your name? I'm not. I'm not, I'm just not. Hi, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you now. You're large. You're small. Can I have one?

You know, I'll have two of those potions if you don't buy. Of course. Is there a discount for two? Make a perception, or a persuasion check. That would be zero. I'm sorry, but this is a business. No discounts, but we're happy to sell for the price of 50 gold apiece.

All right, I'll take two. All right, thank you very much. Enchanted permensol. Pumat soul, thank you. Pumantzol. Pumat. Pumontsul. Sounds like Pormant soul.

Cormant soul. It feels very meta. You guys. Deal in magical weapons here. We deal with all sorts of enchanted items. As he turns to any other guys, over there goes, I've got it. We have. of all manner of objects that we've crafted, enchanted, and designed.

Would you like to buy this? Oh, are you looking to sell or trade? Oh, well, it depends on how much you want to pay for it. Well, let's go ahead and clear off. And he takes the vials off the counter, and they set a space, and the three of them kind of sit around. You hear this voice in the back behind what looks to be this thick curtain go, is anybody able to help me here for a minute?

Right there, the two of you continued this, and one of them goes in the back room to help the fourth one. Does the fourth one look just like you? There's a fourth? Yeah, there's four of them. I thought there's three. The fourth one is the prime one.

That's Pumet Prime. He's a real guy. Whoa. But anyway, let's have a look at this. And you put down the glave, you said? Yeah. Oh, this isn't too bad. I mean the item card.

Paper card. It's with the pencil. Mm-hmm. Flesh render. Meanwhile, I take it. Every gold piece I have in a little sack plus 20 silver, which is exactly 150, and I am out of money. And with that, they happily pass over to you, your purchased parchment and ink.

Oh, good cause. This is pretty well made for being such a ghastly look and design. I think it could easily use some fine gold gilding, maybe some extra polishing, put some ribbons on it, and this thing would be a great ceremonial piece. The manacore spines, I think, are a little garish personally, but if you're looking to sell, we could give this to you for about 300 gold, but if... Insight check. Go for it. That is a 17. 17.

I'm come to see if he's like trying to steal. I look at the paper, motherfucker. I feel like this guy said a good guy. What? You just died. Nothing. Yeah, I have to make a new character, guys. I'm sorry. What do you think, Caleb?

I think that he's just dealing with used items. That's a lot that means. You could work him for a little bit, not a lot. Mind you, if we're doing it for trade, prices can be a little more in your favor, but understand, I'm a business for profit. Well, you said it needs a little decoration and I take the ribbon off my horn

and I wrap it around the handle and I tie it. What about now? That's adorable. And I'm not gonna lie, I like it better. Three hundred and two goals. But for trade, I'll probably be able to muster a little more. What are you looking for? Well, um...

This is my favorite. I mean, we are kind of looking for something that can hold a lot of dough. and also maybe some other things that are heavy. Let me have a look here and see what we can muster. We're looking for something that could, you travel in type. Is that right?

Yes, yes, yes. That's all we do is travel, all of us. Like a briefcase of carrying. A briefcase of carrying. A backpacker. A short case of... A short case of... Of clutch of objects.

A handbag of inless bottom. A cheat code, if you will. I'll tell you what. Game Gigi. If you give me this here a majestic weapon with the ribbon included, and an additional 200 gold pieces on top of that trade, well, can just go ahead and the other guy who's wanted away goes, we can take this here a fantastic haversack off the wall

and make it yours. This fantastic Haversack. A bag of folding? Let me show you. Let me show you. And he sets it down. And it's this kind of like this. He's beating us on our own game.

It's a backpack with a bunch of various pouches and things that lashed onto it. And there's two side pouches on it, on the big central one. He opens it up and takes the glave and watch this. And it just kind of disappears into it. He reaches in. pulls the glave out.

Whoa. Maria Poppins. That's pretty cool. That looks like the thing that we need. I mean. It sticks in there. Yeah, the big central pouch. He goes, the side ones don't carry as much, but the central side of it does manage to carry about eight cubic feet of material in an extra-dimensional space to call it whenever you require it.

Two cubic feet for both of the side pouches. I enchanted it. Well, he enchanted it. We sell it. Could you, if we make this deal, does it come with like a regular healing potion inside of it, maybe? Make a persuasion check. Oh, boy.

Regular potion, regular potion. I'm on, la. I mean, that's cocked a little bit. It is a little cocked, but barely cut. No, it's fine. No. I appreciate your gusto. And were perhaps we had more of a business relationship together, I would consider such a deal.

But as is just the first real transaction and time in which we have encountered you and your band of once filthy travelers, I'm gonna have to decline. Jester, Wanda smiles. What about the Fraw the Wahn, too? Well, I really like it. It's a good one. It's a good stick. It is a real good stick. going to keep it. You might need a good layoff.

I can think of uses for that thing. I'm not here, goddamn that. Okay. We're getting a hot body. We need that sack. All right, all right. Jester. Jester.

Trimmy. What? Shits and giggles or utility is the question here. Well, utility here. I'm buying the sack for all of us here. We need a set to keep our stuff in it. Will you have enough gold to cover it? Of course.

Oh. And don't worry. Once my mom sends me my care package, we'll have thousands upon thousands of gold. Oh. So is that ideal? 200 gold for this beautiful bag. But I feel like it could be a little prettier.

Is there anything you can do to make it prettier for us? Give me just a moment. Yes. He turns around and disappears behind the curtain and you hear some talk and some... Whee, you can see them. And another one emerges from behind the curtain who has like this leather band on his head with this large, magnifying type tool hanging in front of him with this big smile on his face.

It looks like he has these thick leather gloves that have a bunch of runes on them. And he goes, I'm sorry I was summoned to make something prettier. I really like just, you know, pretty. I'm going to be carrying it. I like it to match my outfit. What's your favorite color?

Pink. It turns him bar. And he finishes and he watches the Havisack suddenly just shimmers past. And the dull general brown leather turns to a bright vibrant pink. Ah, it's beautiful! You want to go, here you go.

You hand it to the one guy who accepts it. All right, good, I hope you enjoy it. I'm gonna get back to work. Keep it up, me. Then he goes from the back room. He takes the glave off, the other guy, says, all right, thank you very much. Any other business you require?

No? You need some pastries, but that way you need somewhere else. Oh, we'll go somewhere else for that. I doubt you guys sell pastries. No, there's plenty of vendors. Well, they're raining outside and so, well, hey, probably hard to find pastries tonight, but fresh in the morning, just let your nose carry you around.

Pet of Market has plenty. I won't take one extra of those potions. It's such a good deal. Here's another 50 gold. It would be my pleasure. Thanks. Do you know if the blacksmith, where did I write it, it disappeared?

Where the spark hammer smithing would still be open right now, or are they going to be closed? They're probably still working. You can maybe convince them to take a conversation. Okay, dokey. Thank you so much. No worries, just listen for the clinging in the sparks. Okay.

All right, well if that's all, I wish you all do come back anytime we're happy to sell by trade and generally help out anyone who has money. Man, I want to learn that trick real bad. Which trick? The one where you make like, no, where you make, real versions of yourself that you get to hang out with. Oh.

Thank you for your time. It's a mild pleasure. Yeah. Okay. We'll leave. Right, all right. Did we find like a wine vendor? A little vendor.

Oh yeah, no. Especially when it's so cold outside. You could see there were two different carts that had just like small pot heated basic alcohol insiders. If there were any little confectionaries with that too, we would have been. bottom, like, whatever they had left, we would have like scraped. We buy pastries for Jester. Yeah, okay. Also, where in the year are we in relation to Winter's Crest? Winter's Crest is actually only celebrated in Tal'Dore.

It does not have cultural significance here in Wildmount, but you are about, I believe, you're three to four months out from it off to check their calendar. It's four months away. You guys are just now cresting and getting a fall. Okay, good. So as you guys step outside, you're just immediately met by what appears to be a Beauregard. Garden Molly, who have come back with some small wooden cups filled with heated, steaming mold wine, and would appear to be a small care package of baked goods, which would mark you

off at about, I'd say, total of six silver for the bunch. I got it. Can I take the tots? Can I take the tots? No, I need the tots. Why do you need them? I like them. I like to eat them.

But I, okay, but I need them. We bought enough for everybody. I take two. Jester, give me your tots. How many, how many tarts do I have? How many did you buy? A solid baker's dozen? Yeah.

There you go. And then we'll eat them. Oh, I have one. I have one. Yeah, so I have like, because you gave two. You may have to come back and buy more tarts in the morning. If you all won't, do you want one?

No. No, Ford's good. I have six left. That's okay. Perfect car. They're really bright and guys. It's really good. Red velvet.

Good. Good. Can we say we go and try to sell some of this stuff and stuff and stuff? Or do you guys want to do this next time? That's what I'm saying, because you guys have to go in pretty soon. Yeah. What we can do is we can say at this point in the evening it looks like the blacksmithy is currently closed off to any sort of ware selling. They're just in the process of creation.

You can hear the banging, but upon knocking they don't stop their shimpy. They don't stop their stride of whatever sort of work they're doing inside with the Envil. But the rain begins to let up a little bit. It's still sprinkling, but at least the heavy downpour has subsided a bit. You make your way through the slushy mud pits that the streets have become, weaving your way between horses

and various wagons being pulled through individuals that are hooded and bundled making their way around, eventually discovering the outskirts of the leaky tap. As you guys step into the warm interior, pulling your hoods back, we'll pick up on that next week. Oh, wow. We got these guys who have way too early flights to go to this convention tomorrow. What time of days does we arrive at the Leakeetap? Oh, it's about an hour and a half past dusk. Thank you guys for all of us.

That was so sweet. That was so sweet. Those men were incredible. Dude, Matt. The Canadians. The Germans. It's the German Christmas markets. That's a fun battle.

Oh my God. He is instantly at the top of my favorite. The face of configuration too. Weird does ferville come from. One of my favorites. This is world building. Probably a fever dream while I'm working on this stuff. I wish there was more of me.

I'll just come back and try and buy and trade for more things. You know where to find them. to find them. So good. I have a terrifying thought. I've just been writing campaign war for too long. Awesome. Thank you guys and pick it up next week from that point.

Now that you finally found your way to Zadash, this sprawling city. Thank you guys so much for being patient. Thank you for watching. I hope you enjoyed the show. We'll go visit these guys at Emerald City Comic Con if you have the opportunity. I believe is Enkari's there as well. Yeah. So you can say hi, yeah.

There's so many people there. Swamp, Carrey Payton, with C.R. Love. Yes. Swamp him. As we do with every guess. Give him the critter hug. Yeah. But yeah, guys, have a wonderful week.

Rest up, and is it Thursday, yeah. Good night. We all know there are a lot of celebrity interview podcasts out there, but there's only one happy, sad, confused. I'm Josh Harrowitzin. Yeah, I'm the host of the show, so I'm a little biased, but truly happy, say, confused is the place for nerd. and intimate conversations with all your favorite actors and filmmakers.

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