Critical Role & Sagas of Sundry - No Place Like Hole | Sagas of Sundry: Goblin Mode | Episode 1

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Three minions are left alive after the dungeon where they work is ransacked by "heroes." Led by gamemaster Amy Vorpahl, two skeletons (Danielle Radford and Dan Casey) and a goblin (Jason Nguyen) set out to see if they can escape the pit into which they've fallen, find their friends, and get back to serving their overlord. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi, I'm Jason Wynne. I'll be playing a goblin named Tippy. Oh, hi, I'm Danielle Radford, and I am going to be playing a skeleton named Bizzy. I'm Dan Casey, and I'm also playing a skeleton named Phibbs. Ooh, all right, well, without further ado, I think it's time that we part the veil of reality. Ooh.

We are no longer in a really substantially gorgeous and moss set. No, no, no. Our story takes place in Sundaros, a world where magic and technology collide in unexpected ways with one twist. The deities that once assisted mortals, the Sundari, are no longer of this world.

500 years ago, they fought a country. cataclysmic war against an ancient demon that ended in a massive flash of light known as the Searing. Both the Sundari and the demon disappeared, leveling a huge part of Sundaros and leaving the entire world to the whims of petty and power-hungry mortals. One such mortal was an evil necromancer named Unzug. Our story begins in his It has just been rated by a group of what some may call heroes who believe they've eliminated every last creature in Unzug's employ. But three, unassuming minions,

who should have been easy dungeon fodder, have unwittingly survived. And on that optimistic note is where we wickedly welcome you to Sagas of Sundry Goblin Mode. We journey... journey to one of the dark overlords lairs that have peppered the desolation, the area just outside of where the searing occurred. And in the desolation, one of the lairs that cropped up is known as Eunzug's lair. And y'all, it was Adventure Day at Eunzug's lair. Everyone knew their orders.

In fact, as all the minions, constructs, oozes, and monstrosities took their places, they slapped, kissed, nudged or otherwise prehensile touched. The words written in blue paint above the employee entrance to the tunnels. The words were terror in common. But that was earlier. Hours later, the usual screams of goblins, cobalds, beasts and the occasional gallantling,

as the minions called anyone not of dungeon employment, painted the tunnels of Eunzug's lair. And for the first time, since Unzug had taken up residency here, things started, going south. And even the more difficult parts of the dungeon and the more experienced levels of the dungeon started one by one being defeated by said gallantlings.

The spider cave went silent. The blades stopped swinging in the trapped rooms. And even the sloshing of oozes and the wings of bats could no longer be heard. As time went on, finally the cries of victory rang through the underground, but not from Eun-Zug, and not from any of the voices you all recognized. From your vantage point, which we'll get to

what your vantage point is in a bit, this is what you over here. Okay, how was everyone feeling? Are we all good, all healed? Well, we all worse for the wear, but Togunuk, old boy, we succeeded. Good, because I couldn't cast another spell if my ancestors demanded it.

I bet you could squeeze another one out if you had to. Look, we're all tired, Beruther, but we still need to get out of this place. I think the only way out is the way we came in. Make sure you have the circlet, Kathy. Barutha, come on. You think I'd leave the one thing behind that promises us endless riches? One of five things. I suppose you're right.

Let's get to the creator of sorrow and look for the next one. The one from the market at Wretched Cove is obviously a bust. Togunuk, Barutha, I just want to say two things. One, I'm so glad I have friends like you to adventure with, and two, I love winning, especially against Dark Overlords. Yes, for the Yesterdusters! And they all hoot and holler the yesterdusters, the yesterdusters, as they journey freely out of Unzug's lair,

glare and as they do there actually does remain some life in this dungeon not fully cleared as the yester dusters would have us believe three minions were left listening to the sounds of the joyful decimation of their work site for the last five years but having stayed silent after falling into a pit of spikes that one of them disabled on the way down we find these three survivors along with an illusion of roaches crawling over the floor and walls So at the very, very bottom of a 40-foot pit, safely and still alive or unalive,

let's describe who we see. So at the bottom of the pit, definitely covered in sweat, so scared, in a corner, is Tippy. Tipy is a short goblin with, like, round bifocal glasses, and he carries endless packs on his back. So many packs. They're so heavy that they kind of make them lean to the side, so maybe that's why he's really.

Maybe that's why he's called Tippy. He's an artificer, so he's got plus three intelligence and constitution, but he's weak as a trade-off, so that's minus one strength. And he's awkward, so that's minus two charisma. But he's dexterous, so he's good with his hands. He has a plus four to dexterity, which allows him to create lots of cool things

and cool contraptions. Yeah, he's just like a cute little guy. But that's who you see in the corner. Okay, amazing. And so we have this goblin who's just beside himself. He's beside himself. He doesn't know. Even if the danger, even though the danger has pretty much gone.

Yes, it doesn't matter. Okay, who else is in the pit with him? So along in the pit is a skeleton. This is the Awakened Undead, which is actually a homebrew that we are using off of the Wall Rock Homebrew Awakened Undead. Busy's ambitious with a plus two to intelligence, dexterity, and constitution, and a plus one strength. But she's really naive about the outside world because she doesn't have any memory of her past life, which means that she has a negative one wisdom and zero charisma. She has bright purple hair.

It's really, really curly. And she is dressed very elegantly in her rags of brown, which were probably at one point white. She is a bard, so she is capable of defending herself. And she carries around a clipboard, which she attained at the College of Clipboard, the School of Middle Management. The College of Clipboard. The College of Clipboard, yes. This is he studied at the College of Clipboard and Middle Management. Exactly.

Amazing. They have a great jousting, too. Just amazing. Yeah, every Sunday maybe. So also in this pit, you see a lanky humanoid skeleton. So his name is Phibbs, and he's currently dressed as a soldier who has apparently lost many wars. Actually, though, he's a wizard by trade, and he has a plus three intelligence, a plus two constitution, and plus one wisdom and dexterity. and his calcium-deficient body gives him an Olympic minus-one strength.

But he relies on his spellcraft to save him and his friends from dying all over again. He also has a dented iron helm and a little buckler with a couple arrows sticking out of it. But, you know, this isn't how he normally dresses during his off hours, but it's work. And right now, work's not going so well. Yeah, it isn't. As you know, Eun-Sug-Layer has been around for hundreds of years, way more before. your undeth began and way longer before your true life actually began. Right.

You all have been working here for the better part of five years and this is the first time, this shouldn't have happened. It's almost bizarre that the fall of Eun-Zug's lair is today. At the top of the pit just above you, there's almost a sound like, as wind blows over the surface of it, like if a person's blowing over an empty one. blowing over an empty bottle. Other than that, you can't hear anything. You know, I never realized it would be so beautiful.

That's the music of the dungeon. I'm never down here, so it's, have you guys ever heard this song before? Oh, that's nice. That's actually, oh, that's a fantastic comedy. You guys, that's not a song. It's, it's danger.

Can you hear it. It's a, we gotta get out of here. Well, I agree. We should not be at the bottom of this pit, especially when gallantlings are gallivanting about the dungeon, but... I swear I set this trap, and I don't understand how we got here, but... Fibs, let me climb on your shoulders.

So you know, roll, go ahead and give me... I just know that you know this. I know this, Tipi, that on the way down, you were all doing your various chores around the dungeon, And you know, things like walking back and forth, rattling, screaming, causing just general terror, classic. Keeping track of where they were in the dungeon, alerting others, walking by, creaking. Look, you know, you know the drill.

You were all doing that. And then things got a little real, and as you were walking away, all three of you, friends, for the most part, fell into this pit. And on the way down, Tippy, you knew that this was a spiked pit, but being an artificer and like knowing the intricate machinations of the dungeon, you were able to flip a switch on the way down, knowing that there were switches to flip. Okay, got, so this is one of my traps, maybe.

It was one of the ones that maybe, yeah, you did some maintenance on. Right, okay. Yeah, so at the bottom of the pit are illusions, illusions of cockroaches, which you all know to be illusions, and even though you can, you are very aware that they're illusions, they're still there. Do with that what you will.

But you also know that, yeah, There are little shrinkets and ways to mess with the mechanics of this pit. And does the pit, like, is it a straight drop down? Is there no way, like what do the walls of the pit look like? Yeah, the walls of the pit are peppered with stones, but for the most part, it's mud. This was a dug pit. You also know that just below this pit is the spider cave. Got it, okay.

So it's not an unending pit. You're on the floor of it, but there is, you could potentially dig through and fall through the ceiling of the spider cave. Other than that, the switches themselves are almost like the length of the, a tip of a finger. Like you could maybe climb up that, but it would be very difficult. It'd be very difficult. And Tippy is four feet tall, so. Busy is probably about just like average, like about five, six, somewhere around there. So Tippy knowing this goes, starts picking up the soil, even though there's like illusionary cockroaches, making sure to avoid them because he doesn't like touching even...

You can't. They're everywhere. They're everywhere, oh my god. We're talking like the mummy. So, all right, so Tippy, even though he knows it's fake, is like very trepidatiously going to the soil and like feeling around in it. And Tippy looks up and goes, okay, this is what of mine.

Don't know why I didn't get an alert when it went off and we fell in, but I feel like under us there's gonna be another, we usually layer these things, right? It goes, spikes, spiders, lava, you know, all sorts of stuff. We could dig through the ground and get out, or we could go up, but I don't think we're gonna make it up there. Hmm. How high up is it again?

40 feet. 40 feet. Well, we got, I don't know, I got some of these bones I'm not using right now. Could we make a bone ladder? Yeah, you could reassemble yourself. And as you're digging, you do notice that the spikes that you disabled are still in the ground. Right, okay.

Well, we got two options. I feel like we could dig it. through the ground, but there are spikes and they could kill us. Or we make a bone ladder, which I don't understand quite the science of, but... Look, you're the artifice, so clearly we defer to your... Well, I can... I can... And it won't, let's say, I don't know, end your life, maybe?

Well, you can't end that which has already been ending. True. You just restart. You just like don't break my head, but we can put it together and make a lat. make a lat. How much, how big of them spikes? What do we talk about for the spike size? How big are the spikes? About two and a half three feet? Two to half three feet. When they shoot out of the ground, do they provide a momentum type of boost using, could they launch us up? Oh yeah, they're violent. They're violent murderous spikes. They're designed to instantly kill

whoever falls on impact. Is there a place that we could maybe stand where if we put the spikes on and they'll just be there and we can kind of like hop around them, maybe use them for some extra leverage? I think so. Is there a, like, space between the spikes, or are they tightly packed spikes? They would be fine, the skeletons. You might not be. Okay. I mean, I know we're looking at, like, a five-foot square, but yeah, I think spikes could go through certain areas, air holes of skeletons that they can't go through with you. What if I was on the shoulders of one of the skeletons and spikes? Hit them first. Ooh, what if? Should we see? Here me out. Here's my plan. I'm made of goblin flesh that's prone to bleeding, dying,

all sorts of stuff that you guys, yeah, you don't have to worry about. So much fluid. Let's just say, I don't know, climb on top of your shoulders, hit the switch, spikes go up, you maybe take the spike straight to the bones, and then I'll reassemble you after, and then we'll dig through the ground. Oh, there's a switch. There's a switch. Yeah, there's a switch.

I could launch my head as well if that's easier. It's easier. Well, I'm talking about when we hit the switch, the spikes are gonna go up, and me being made of goblin soft flesh, it'll maybe kill me. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, we're gonna need all three of us to get out of here. So yeah, no, I am on team.

Let's do it, at least that way we don't have to worry about the spikes. I would like it so that I wanna be prepared for spikes. I don't wanna be surprised by spikes. All right, let's do it. I'm gonna get on you. And the goal is to. The pole is to you, climb on fibs, maybe using both fibs and busy, make a sort of bone body shield for myself for when the spikes go up. Hopefully it doesn't hit me being the soft squishy goblin and it hits my bone friends and maybe I can reassemble them if they get hurt.

Sorry, are you trying to launch out? Like, or no? I'm trying to just turn them on so we can see where we can dig through the ground so we don't accidentally dig into a spike and die. Yeah, so let's roll. So how many, are you both of y'all supporting this golf? Of course, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool.

Then I was just... All of my eight strength, yes. Eight strength, oh no. Okay, both of you... Both of you give me an athletics role. Oh, the thing I'm known for. And you're small, you're little, and they're half to use skeletons, so I'll say this DC12. Okay.

You guys got this. Shockingly, I do got this. That's a 19. Wow. Oh, good, because I only rolled a five. Only roll a five. Okay, great. Well, Tippy, you're gonna tip once more.

Okay, okay. So both of you are holding him up, but you do need to give me an acrobatics roll, just to stay. I will give you an acrobatics roll. Give me one second. That's gonna be a dirty 20. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Okay, so yeah, both of you are doing some cheerleader stunt work. And yeah, he's doing acro yoga on the top of you. That being said, yeah, He's still just too heavy. You might have gotten the side of his body that has the hefty packs. And so you just couldn't hold up all this excess metallic weight that he's just burdened with. You kind of drop him.

However, you're able to just secure him with one firm handhold. And with your acrobatics, you're precariously balanced on a top of Phibs's hands. But you are, I mean, and you do look fairly elegant. Great. So I'm just like, you know, I've hit a 10 on the gymnastics. Yeah, I would say it's a little bit wobbly just because you do have that pack and you have less support, but yeah, you're not going to get stabbed by. And the switch, where is the switch? Like, do we have to hit the switch? Yeah, it's on the side of the wall and I would say, yeah, at this point. It's reachable.

Yeah, it's reachable. All right guys, see if this works. And then I slap the switch. Yeah, kishik! And as you thought, all the spikes stand up, you were able to, like, look below and see where they're they were coming out and yeah, being skeletons, you were able to avoid where the spikes stabbed. And now you've got a goblin in his pack,

atop your hands. Wow. I never thought I'd be able to lift this much weight and I still don't think that I can for much longer. So is there, do we see spaces in between the spikes that we can get down or do, do I need to stay up on fibs? Yeah, I would say there's space like two feet apart. Like you could,

you could maneuver your way into that. It would take some doing, but yeah. So I'm gonna shift more of my way onto Phibbs so that Busy is free, and I'm gonna say to Busy, okay, do you see any like just solid dirt? Busy starts like reaching through, like brushing the dirt. Busy actually takes off one of her arms

and starts using it to sweep. Great. To like kind of sweep some of the dirt around, just make it a little easier. Be digging. Just like, okay, so you're being, wait, you're making it nice and neat as well. Well, just get you, it's easier, I think,

than like going through or going like that. It's like. So soothing. Wow, busy, that's very nice. Just around all the stoves, like, ah. Yeah, calm down after that big battle. Okay, cool, yeah. So you're able to dig and you're still standing

on top of FIPS. Yeah, you make some headway. Between the spikes, you're going down, you're going down. At some point, you realize that these spikes are able to be dislodged. Like you're about two feet under, and so you see that like, oh, there's like a mechanism that you could unscrew and get the spikes kind of out. Okay, so I'm going to, I can actually take the spikes off. So I'm going to take this one off.

I'm just going to just like, just like really quick. Perfect. So yeah, I go in. Be careful. I'm always careful. This is your trap. This is not my trap. And I'm making sure that everyone up there knows that.

Okay, relax on that. Okay. That hurts my feelings. Busy goes down, kind of like, give me a slide of hand roll. Okay. That is a dirty 20, baby. There's a dirty 20, yeah, you're able to use the tools

that you have on hand. I guess you just have, yeah, some version of mechanic tools, a hammer and a screw. You definitely do. For sure, I don't know why I didn't offer it. But yeah, you were able to. I just wanted to see if you guys dig with her arm. Yeah, and then at some point you just use your bony fingers

and you're able to, like, unscrew a few. Let's say about three of these. these spikes as you're digging that you just have now. They're about two and a half feet. Steel freaking spikes, you just have them now. And as you're getting lower and lower, are you still balancing? Y'all are still doing a pose.

Speaking of sleight of hand, my wrists. I don't know how much longer. This is good for you. Okay, great. Yeah, this is going very well. You're able to get through. Perfect. Yeah, I don't know if you want to keep those spikes,

but you do have three almost lance heads. Yeah, I'm gonna keep the spikes. Everybody want a spike? There's no spikes for all of us to have a spike. Oh yeah, I'll take a spike. I've always wanted one. All right. So that we all have.

Great, yeah, you just, yeah, they're non-magical. One spike. Yeah, you do. Non-magealier spike. Um, patented. It's got a stamp on the bottom. One with every visit. It's a novelty spike in a turning to a drinking horn.

And as you make it through, the goal was to get to the bottom, right? Or are you gonna stop at any point or just go until. Keep going to see, do you see a way through? Great. Okay, everyone roll. We're gonna do some bludgeoning damage. Oh, God. Oh, no.

Yeah. I'm gonna say that this is, let's see, the layer, I mean, it's about 30 feet. I don't, unless there's something you can do, let's see, there's a, how are you digging through? Oh, digging through to there? The spider's cave, yeah. The spider's cave, it's like a huge pit,

it's kind of like more of a focus, concentrate because you gotta like toss the dirt out of well. So you built like a McDonald's Tubbs tunnel. Yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, like a little cat. Okay, a little slide. An enclosed slide.

So we're falling out of like the play place into a spider hell? Yes. That's it. Okay, but so it's one at a time, bup, bup, yeah, yeah. It should just kind of dig, go through. Okay, I'll give you, she makes it through.

She sees the surface, the ever bright blue gems light up from below, and you see that there is, in fact, a spiders cave below you, and the floor below is about 30 feet. Okay, we got spiders. We reach the spider pit. Everyone roll a perception check. Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay, that's 14 for me. 15. Zero. What? Zero. Rolled or one? I close my eyes.

She's blind. I do not look. I fall on a spike. I choose not to perceive. Yeah, roll the one and my perception is minus one. Wow, wow. Okay. Fantastic.

Well, everyone else. You, yeah. It doesn't look like anything to me. Yeah. Yeah, I see something. Bibbs and Tippy, you immediately recognize that nothing's going on in the spider pit. Oh, okay.

So like the bright jet, like the bright light you were talking about is like hitting me in the eyes, so I can't see really in there. Well, I love that excuse as opposed to you, yeah, willingly. He just like took a nap. I do not see, I do not understand. Boring.

I got it. I got through. Everyone carried me on a palanquin now. You know that, especially you, Phibs, who has visited Blood Weaver many times, know that this place should be scurrying with little pitter-patter of face spider feet. Even their eyes, many eyes blinking all at once,

the way spiders just move and breathe, creaking of their webs. And it's like, I mean, it's nothing. Like, there's nothing happening here. It's sad, actually. Like, there should be life here, and there just isn't. Oh, geez. I wonder if they're on like a field trip or something.

They should, usually there's like thousands of little baby spiders in here. I don't know. I can't really count them, but there's, I usually go by the eyeball, but there's nothing. Busy is like checking her clipboard. Like, I didn't see that there were any outside excursions plan. I'm not seeing any missions. Would I know is like somebody who does trap maintenance that this is like, somebody would have had a tamper with this trap to not make sure that the spiders weren't in there.

We're like, whatever you know. I'm just gonna tell you, what happened was three adventurers came through and desolated. For sure. Would Tippy know that? Like, would- Tibby know that? I... This has telltale signs of wanton murder.

It's like glorious purpose. It's like a lot of glorious purpose happened here. I guess, look, Tibby, you sound like a logical dude. And so you're not just gonna take things at face value. Obviously, the adventurers left whooping and hollering. They were so happy. But if you had to guess, the spiders, one, could be very dead.

Two, could have escaped almost the way you guys, you know, went out of Dodge from the adventurers. Three, maybe laying in wait. Or four, they've been kidnapped. Oh, no. Or, yeah, or fill in the blank, multiple choice. Yeah, you might not take it face value that these adventures just wiped them out

with one fell swoop. Okay, so Tippy processes all this, and he looks down, and he looks up at fibs, and he goes, there's just supposed to be spiders down there. I know. And because there's not, they could still be down there.

Invisible? Right. Oh, my God. That would be genius. Right. So I suggest we go down carefully, cautiously. We don't want to step on any spiders

if we can't seize him. Right. So I suggest maybe you go down first. Okay. That's fine by me. Okay. So the tunnel that you've dug is about, maybe five feet that you're able to get down.

And so only one of you can fit at a time, and you will be falling about 30 feet. I have a rope. Does that help? Does the rope help? Rope helps, right? Oh, yeah. I go, would you like a robe?

Sure. What do I do with it? Take off the rope and I just, I'll tie it around a spike and then just repel yourself down. And then, you know, busy, you could go after him and I'll wait up here until it's safe. All right. I will do everything that you just outlined in the exact order you just outlined it. Yeah, so you take your rope and expertly tie it around a spike. You know all the knots. You know how to deal with mechanics of the spikes. What do you call this knot?

Oh, yeah, this is a gobbinop. Oh, gobi knob. Gobby knob? We call it a gobbinop. It's a got, don't worry about it. Let me worry about the knobs. I won't worry about it anymore. Am I allowed to say gobbie?

Yes. Okay. Well, yeah. I just wanna make sure that that's not goblin slang because I've not wanna be using slang that does not belong to. What about you guys? Can I, what's like a knot with bones? Whoa, okay.

I don't know. It sounds good to me. I wanna use the right word. You were preemptively getting ready to be offended. What I tried to figure out. Okay, well. So you know your knots and your knobs. Yeah, my knobs and my knobs.

and my knops. And you tie one, and it's the gobbinop that's highly secure. And also has some footholds for Phibbs as he goes down. I think it's about a 25-foot rope. Yeah. Yeah, so you're able to get down, maybe you'll jump, maybe four feet, five feet, but you actually... My biggest jump yet. Yeah, won't take bludgeoning damage.

But as you clear kind of the tunnel that Bizzy made, you specifically are horrified. You are able to see what's going on here. And this spider cave is, I mean, it is rent asunder. If there were spiders that survived, they're no longer here. However, there are plenty of phase spiders, including your friend, that are belly up, legs up, spires to the ceiling. Their eyes, all eight, all eight or thousands of them have gone glassy. And meanwhile, the blue everlight of the gems are.

giving light to kind of your deepest darkest horrors. Phibbs starts sort of like tiptoeing around at first, just in case there are any, like, still invisible spiders, while this is sort of really dawning on him. Yeah. And he sees the corpse of a very familiar spider and kind of just his jaw just like drops down in, just kind of shock.

No. not BW. Yes. Oh no. Your friend BW who you recognize by her red stripes

like paint lines across her carapus and like the blue joints that she has and yeah she is she is dead and her blank eyes stare at you.

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Roll a perception check. It's 13. Are you touching her at all? I'm going to kneel down and gently place a bony hand on her. As you're kneeling down and in your grief, just taking it all in, there is something of no,

you notice on the other side of her, there's just something trailing. It's not, that isn't a string or web. Is it something solid? Yeah, something solid. Yeah, it just catches your eye. Can I follow the trail? Yeah, yeah.

So you do make your way to the backside of her, and you notice that there are signs that she was pregnant and that there were many babies that are no longer there. So does it look like they escaped or they were? Oh, my God. And as you're back there and you see this very vulnerable, intimate part of your best friend, you see some movement, little tiny movement.

within there. Hello? It's okay. It's just, it's, it's your uncle Phibs. It's okay. Who are you talking to? Oh, yeah.

It, no one. You just can come down. It's, it's, okay, is it safe, busy? Busy is like still, busy, like just kind of hops down. It looks, oh God.

I don't like that. Ooh. Why did you say, oh God? Ooh. Yeah, you're just going to want to get down here. There's a lot of, ooh, this whole, all the spiders did not win this. Ooh, this is dead. They're not invisible.

They're dead? Yeah. Oh, great. Super dead. Oh, awesome. Oh, sweet. I'm going to climb down, like super stoked that they're dead. Never liked these guys.

So yeah, you all see about three big, giant, giant, giant, giant face spiders, huge ones. Oh. And then you see, and they're dead. Don't worry. And then there are about nine, like medium-sized dead ones. You also see one of your friends, like, crying skeleton tears next to one of the big ones. Phibs, what's going out over there? They killed her.

Were you guys close? Close? Friends? Lover. Was that... This is my friend. Friend, okay. This is my best friend.

We would talk for hours. The only person who took me seriously. I can't believe Woonzug would let this happen. I knew it was possible, but I didn't think it would happen. Busy, like, looks at the... What's... Is there something moving? No, don't say that.

I hate that. What do you... What's moving? Yeah, you're able to see it too. Biddy, what are you doing? Oh, you speak spider. Actually, you know what? Please tell me to speak spider.

I do have comprehend languages that I could cast. You could. I will say there's some lenience with what I'm allowing you to have with certain monsters. Obviously, Dan, you, Phibs, has been able to speak with spiders. So you could safely assume that because you've been able to, like, commune, communicate with a bloodweaver, that if there's a blood weaver spawn up in there, then you'd be able to communicate with that spider as well. I wasn't sure if I had just been talking,

assuming that I was being understood. Right, right. Yes, there is, I would say, what you do know is there are, the monsters that Eun-zug has gathered. Many of them do not have language. They do not have it. However, because we are in this world

where you're all minions, there is a level of communication that's able to happen. Now, is it common? I would beg to differ. It's not common, but you do have your way of, I mean, it's been five years. You've developed a language for spiders. I speak basics, a conversational spider.

Yes, and as well as like different monsters around. So I would say that for this game, I'll give you like, ask me if you can communicate with it. It's going to be touch and go and I'll make the decision. However, busy, I would say that you don't have that kind of relationship with the spider. So if you wanted to comprehend languages, yeah, it would cost you a spell slot. Yeah, we're still... You guys fell into the pit pretty early.

You obviously didn't take any bludgeoning damage. You also didn't spend any spellslots. As soon as the adventures came in, you disappeared into the pit. So I'm going to go ahead and use that spell slot. Okay. Hey, kid. Yes. You want to...

towards me, it's we might have some food or something out here. All of my brothers and sisters are dead. My mom is dead. Yeah, that's real rough. It's not going to get any better if you stay in there, though. You know, I was doing the same math.

So you have to, if you want to just come on out. Wait, I thought I heard Uncle Phibbs' voice. You did. Hey kiddo. Uncle Phibs. That's me.

It's Unki Phibs, just like we definitely always called me. Now, forgive me. I have so many nieces and nephews. What is your name, Blood Weaver Jr.? My name is Lufenskayalor. But when I was still in the room, they called me Loof. Loof. It's a good name.

How about you still alive? That's an excellent question. I think there was some sort of, I wouldn't call it an engineering flaw, but perhaps a feature that somehow wound up saving us from imminent disaster. Usually, these heroes don't get that far, these gallantlings, but something went wrong, something is amiss.

Well, I don't know about much of that, but I was supposed to rain terror upon the world. We can still do that, sweetie. We can rain terror. Yeah, you're gonna rain so much terror. Look at you. There's little kooch-kitch-koo. Yeah, and you see, you see.

So terrible. How big is? I mean, this is a baby. Like, she's very small, like this big at the moment. Now you know that phase spiders get to like 10 feet. That's why I was asking. She's very small. She's the sense of a small truck.

What is to be hearing and seeing? He does not speak spider. No, you see, you see. Well, you see that Busy's maternal nature has taken over, as she is calling something very tiny, very cute, so cute, so cute. And you see that Phibbs's nature has taken over, and he's grieving and also trying to coax a little being out of a spider sack. Whoa! Yeah, I mean, it's about the size of, yeah, the palm of a hand. maybe smaller than that, crawl out.

Okay. Is it terrifying? I can't. Yeah. Tippy is so, like, lost at, like, what he's saying? He's seeing his two bone friends talk to a baby spider that just came out of a spider uterus. And they're speaking in spider, and Tippy is, like, feels insane. So, Tippy's going to go and be like, okay, I don't know what's happening, but you guys are talking to a baby spider.

Swear in your lives, you're not, like, bewitched right now. Bewitched? No, I'm bewisid, but I'm not a witch. Yeah, I speak a bunch of different languages. Remember, they had that optional course where you can take, and you could, like, learn to, like, be able to comprehend. I was taking boomerang class. Oh.

Yeah. How'd that go? Bad. It never came back. Oh, that's a bummer. That's the opposite. I think they were just sticks, and they were saying it was boomerangs. Anyways.

What is the little bit? What maybe spider want? Oh, this is my niece. Her name is Loof. She's coming with us. Okay. Why? I'm coming with you?

Yeah, why not? Unless you don't want to... You can stay here if you want to, but it seems dangerous. And also kind of sad. It is, and as you see her full body, you can see her front two, her front two spider legs are actually,

they were trampled on when her brother and sisters were like rushing out to get out into the world. So my siblings, they did escape, but I was left a little hurt. I would love to come with you as long as, and I think, I think mom was very clear about it that you also want to rain terror upon the land. Oh, love terror. It's my favorite type of rain. I'm a big fan of terror. Can you tell them? Yeah, yeah, huge terror fans. We are the terror squad. We love that. This is TIPPy. He also enjoys Terra. I love terror, yeah.

I love it. Yes, if we're all on the side of terror. What's rog with its little legs? Can it keep up? I'm telling him. Yeah, just, so Tippy pulls up his tabard and opens up his rib cage. Fibb's Fibb on.

Sorry, Tib. Yeah, I was like, do I? Yeah. Are we going to rib cage? Oh, my! That shoots out. Fibbs pulls back his tabard and opens up his ribcage. He's like, hop in.

Oh, amazing. Okay. And you can see his little spellbook is in there, too, so she can kind of just nestle on top of that. Okay, and is this, I mean, can you still see her within your rib cage? If I'm not wearing a tabard, yeah. Yeah, great. Okay, cool.

She can crawl around. It's kind of like a play place for spiders. Okay. Oh, little, like, jungle jib. Okay, so you put her in there, and she's, You can hop in my eye socket if that's what you prefer. Yeah, squeals of delight, and she does come out your eye socket, kind of looks around, crawls back in.

That's so terrifying. I love that. Out of your mouth, in your mouth, out of your jaw, your whole dancing all around your head. It's weird. I can feel it, but I can't. Yeah, she does sprints up and down your entire body. Keep it down in there. It's like ASMR.

And for the most part, yeah, she seems very sprightly, you know, new fresh-born energy. and she says, I hope I don't get too big so that I can continue writing inside you. Well, that's a bridge will cross if and when we come to it and my bones explode like some sort of cartoon closet where too many bones are packed in.

Will you tell me about my mom? I would love to tell you all about Blood Weaver. She was a great friend of mine, an amazing woman, and she would have been the best mother. Okay, as touching as his family reunion is, We gotta get the hell out of here. That's a great point, this. Okay, so...

Dan, I'm gonna say you can take Loof as a magic item, and what she'll do is as long as she is playing along, visible, alive, all of that, you get a plus one to charisma abilities. Oh. Hey! But sorry, not... She whispers, one to say, I'm being rat tattooed by a spider.

Sorry, not deception. So persuasion and intimidation, and then general charisma. Cool. And then she also will give you... a plus one DC to spells that require charisma saves. Okay. For the other person. Solid.

That's amazing. And you can, for free, communicate with her. Yeah, we'll say in common. Okay, where to next? So as if you're looking to leave, yeah, this kind of, looking around, seeing it. Yeah, so this is, you know your way around the dungeon, I would say, Phibbs knows this part of the dungeon a little bit better.

This is probably like kind of on the eighth floor of the dungeon. And so you guys were on the seventh floor. When you heard the adventurers leaving, they were closer to the top, but the echoes throughout were really, really noticeable. This kind of cavern takes up a lot of the eighth floor of the dungeon, and so I would say it's about 50 feet in diameter.

There are more levels down, about three more levels down, so it's an 11-floor dungeon, and then about, yeah, seven floors up. to get out, I mean, there are kind of two ways. This floor kind of goes in a circle, and then you can, there's not a way down from this area though.

Is there a particular area that either of you are looking to explore? I think at this point, yeah, Busy just wants to, like, we've been decimated, Busy kind of just wants to get out of the dungeon, I think. Okay. Tippy being somebody who does the trap maintenance, has to, goes, there's gotta be a way they let this

spiders in here and I'm looking for some like spider handler like like door latch some switch any sort of thing yeah where they coming with the bucket of fish yeah yeah somebody had to fed them stuff right okay so you're looking what are you looking for I'm looking for any sort of like maintenance door maintenance door any sort of way like okay yeah fibs would know phibs would know where that is because he comes in in visits all the time so yeah just use the visitor's entrance there's a visitor's address yeah it's right Right over here. Let's go.

Okay. Okay, so you're going to go like the back way, not the way the gallantlings move through the dungeon. We want to go the back way. Awesome. Another thing you know about Eun-Zug's lair is the reason that adventure has come through is it has a renowned, ancient, powerful circlet, like a crowned tiara thing that is coveted. And Eun-zug himself, who I would say you've only seen really in passing. You've never, you're not the kind of minions that he recruited. You did talk to wanted.

Okay. Damn. Sorry. Well, and you are video game code. So you were just wrangled in, kind of dumped in, given a job, and then the main job was to evoke a lot of terror for the adventures who did come in. But in passing you, you have seen him, and he is stately, be robed, he's an elf, still has all his hair. A fetching man, as it turns out. I would say you've never deigned to talk to him, and he doesn't even make an appearance.

often. So his layer is even deeper. So his layer would be on the 11th floor. Getting out of the dungeon would mean you would need to go up. So knowing our only way out is there's no way we're going to go all the way up to the top floor because we're so deep now. So the only way is down or whatever side access thing is. Yeah, to get out of the dungeon there actually is only one way in and one way out. I mean, I guess, so the only real way out to, like, the surface would be, I would say, like, the fourth floor, like, the mountain itself has some floors as well. And what I know about any sort of, like, mechanism that allowed people to travel or whoever

Eun-Zug himself or whoever to travel between these dungeon layers. You're looking for an elevator? Yeah, I'm just looking for an elevator, transportation crystal. No, this dungeon is not, it's not for the faint of heart. So this is a very, I mean, for those adventurers to leave kind of unfazed and be that happy about it, they must be either extraordinarily high level or some deity must have given them some favor. It's great cardio. Yeah, it's really, they really did it.

And to kill all the spiders, like, no, nothing in this dungeon, nothing in Eunzug's lair is easy. Got it. No elevator for you. You might just have to walk. I break this news to the team Look guys There's no better way to say We're in some deep stuff

Meaning we are literally deep in the Oh yeah Yeah yeah Spiders are pretty low Yeah pretty low I mean nobody should have really made it as far Like honestly Spike should have taken them out But as we know

Something's wrong with that And all the spiders are dead So I feel like the only way And I hate saying this is down All right I mean, I don't think I've ventured much deeper into this place, so I'm excited to explore new horizons. Should we go see the boss? See if he's okay?

Do you think he's there? But he's his lair? Why wouldn't Unzug be in Unzug's lair? I didn't really actually think about that. Unzug could be in his layer. Otherwise, this place would be unzuged. But like, he's not going to be mad at us. He's not going to be mad at us.

We didn't do it. He's got all of his people surround all of the little sycophants, always surrounding him. Maybe when he sees that we're alive and he can see what real talent we can bring to a place like this, he'll actually be grateful that he's got a team of us who are able to go through all of this danger, save a baby spider, and then maybe he's in trouble, and then we can save him, and then maybe I'll get promoted, and he'll let me sit in his right hand,

and then we'll crush our enemies below our boots, and I will get some paid time off. Oh, PTO. Okay, wow. Somebody's gonna work on their work-life separation, but sure, yeah, why don't we go see Unzug? He might be mad about the traps not working, but yeah, let's just try. That seems like a manufacturer's era. Like maybe they sent you faulty spikes. Right, yeah.

You know, we'll just tell him that you disabled it when we started falling. No, we're not gonna tell him I disabled anything. Well, tell him that we were falling and then you were falling, and then you were like, oh no, the try, and then you fixed it so that we wouldn't fall so that we could go save him. And then you look more smart. Okay. I mean, you got the spikes working again. They've deployed.

And we have spikes with us. It'll be fine. We should go see the boss. We should go see the boss. Busy, like, if busy had a vest, she'd be, like, smoothing it over. Like, kind of like working her clipboard. Like, okay. Getting the curls all set.

Yeah. Just kind of like preparing herself for like, ooh, maybe I can give a performance review. I'm ready to like go meet the boss. Yeah, you know that his inner sanctum is deeper into the dungeon. You're not met with any resistance on your way. There are dead bodies. There's actually a hallway that you're familiar with, Tippy, that is internally known as a U-15.

It's just an area in the dungeon. And this is where your buddy, Maxwell, normally haunted. Oh, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. We're in U-15. Do you understand what that is? No. It's where Maxwell lives. Who is Maxwell? Okay, Maxwell is my best friend.

He's so cool, he's an ooze, he's got a top hat, he's got Michael, it's a bit dated, but, you know, we don't talk about that that often. He would know a way out because random things follow him in all the time. Keys, magic wands, like, all sorts of stuff. Why don't we just go see what Maxwell is doing and ask him for help? That sounds perfect. And maybe he'll know if there's anybody else that survived, because he's going around being all oozy all over the place. We can start getting the gang back together.

And he is a bit, you know, he's old school. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry ahead of time if he says anything bad. Okay. Okay. Right. He's from a different time.

How long of a different time? Let's just go see him. Okay. No further questions on my end. Okay. Okay, so this potentially. Really? Really, really, I was the on the side of that buss. Yeah, yeah. The secret of the ooze.

He's an ooze. I love how much power players have over this. It appears Maxxon has been canceled. Episode one, the cancellation of gelatin. So, yes, you do make your way to that area. This will be maybe a floor deeper than the spider's layer, and this is just a tunnel passage that you know that Maxwell, the gelatinous cube, haunts.

As you go, this is not surprising to you, maybe a little more surprising to the both of you, that it is just rancet. It smells awful. Oh, yeah. It's exceptionally disgusting. Love that. Rats would make their home here, feces all over the place. And there are plenty of traps here, too,

that have all been sprung one way or the other. Some spatters of blood that prove that maybe the traps were sprung and did their job. Some look disabled by probably the gallantlings. And then as you go, are you doing anything? Yeah, I mean, I'm keeping a keen eye on the traps that got sprung and like what could have, if there's any tracks or signs of what could have sprung these traps, if it's the gallantlings.

But really, I'm looking around for Max. Yeah, okay, great. Well, go ahead and roll an investigation. Okay, let's see. Let's see what we got. That's gonna be a very high. It's gonna be like a 22. So it seems as though, yeah, the gauntlings were down here for sure.

And you know they were down here because this is where the circlet was as well that they actually did talk about having already. You can tell that there's some humanoid blood, red blood on the wall. A few of the traps are disabled, and you're covering, you're covering, you're covering, you're covering, hundreds of feet of hallway right now. So this is many, many areas of traps. And so you know that your friend Maxwell normally sits in a divot in the ceiling to just slop down and be ready.

As you're examining everything, is everything has this sheen of translucent slime over it. And as you even get closer and even deeper into the dungeon, you notice that there are these spiky lumps with edges, that looked like, yeah, a child's fist grabbed jello and yanked it out and dropped it on the floor. And it is extraordinarily reminiscent of Maxwell. And what you perceive having happened

is that they were able to hold Maxwell and push him down to make him trigger all the traps. Oh my God, brutal. Killing him a lot. killing him along the way in pieces. Jesus Christ. Tippy in pure shock immediately disassociates and is like,

guys, Maxwell is, he is doing his thing where he's in a bunch of different pieces. Oh. And I'm just gonna put him back together. And I start shoving pieces of Maxwell like very like putting them back together and hoping they stick but they don't stick and he's like he's just if we can you guys help like if we gather enough of him maybe he'll like reform he has the news right I know that our bones go back together but yeah we can fix I can fix

anything so I'm just gonna so busy goes up and grabs one of the hunks and just starts like poking at it um Maxwell can just like slurs back together now if you don't it wavles but only the way that physics would let a little wobbly chunk wobble. Busy like, kind of like, put the pulls, and it just like glops out of her hand, kind of stick to the last little bit of it as Maxwell is running down her bones. And then she takes her hand and puts her arm around Tibby, the goop inadvertently hitting him, or the goop of his best friend, hitting him right on the chest and splattering.

Hey, hey, buddy. Hey, hi. I think that Maxwell has maybe moved on to a better place. A place where it's nothing but gallantlings being tortured forever and ever, and there's screams, and it's dark and scary and terrible, you know, like heaven. So I think that that's probably where your friend is now. Maybe it was a different gelatinous cube that was tortured and systematically murdered by setting off

each individual trap. He was the only one here, right? And as he says that, you pick up a little mustache and a monocle. Oh, God. And a bowler hat. Which you have picked up as you've been walking. They've been spread out.

Don't worry, Maxwell. We'll get him. I'm gonna kill. Whoever did this to you? Because you were more than a mustache, man. You were a whole ooze. They're sick for doing this. And we're going to stab them.

We're going to hit them with rocks. We're going to boomerang them. What are you going to do? I'm going to hit him with my bones. You're going to hit him with your bones. Whatever is most pleasing to my spite of companion, but probably attack them. We're going to kill them so hard, Maxwell. going to drain them of their life force.

I don't know what that spider said, but I'm about it. You would have liked it. Let's keep moving. How big is the top hat? Oh. Yeah. So, okay, so the Bladness Cube is like 10.

Oh, no. Never must. So I'd say, but it was, you know, if he's a gentleman, let's give him a medium, a medium-sized top. How'd he's got? I'd just picture you had a tiny top hat that was gonna put on the spider, but never mind.

Oh, no. I would fit on maybe the skeletons, but, yeah, no, the spider would disappear inside of it. I'd take a jar, I put a little bit of Maxwell in there. Oh, what? Yeah, just for keepsakes. And I stashes mustache in there, too. Anything else? No.

We can rebuild you. And I bottle it up. Okay. Okay, as you do, you bottle it up, and it gives off, it releases some air, and it burps a little. Maxwell? Maxwell? Nothing. He's alive.

He's alive, guys. I've got a Maxwell still. So all that stuff I said about killing, stabbing, and just forget about it. Forget I said that. We'll just keep going with Maxwell, who's alive in the jar. Sure. Lead the way. This is for you.

I hand him the top. Thank you. Oh, okay. Then my best fibs just... Oh, yeah. It takes off his dented iron helm, and he's like, all right, throws it on the top hat for the time being. Okay, perfect. He has well dress up for the boss.

And, yeah, and the iron helm didn't have any actual mechanics to it. It's just standard issue thing they give you when you're drafted into the skeleton war. Dollar cosplay helm, okay, perfect. Are you, and you're wearing the top hat? For the time being, until I, like, I assume at some point we're going to, I love to stop by the barracks at some point. That is the change. Mm-hmm. But, you know, I'm just.

of my work clothes, but... All three of you, will you roll a perception check as you're going down this hallway of death? You got it. It's gonna be a 10. Yeah. 10 for me as well. 15.

15. Okay, so you're totally disassociated and you just don't know what's going on. You're just focused on Maxwell still being alive. You're delusional. You are caring for your friend, but you pick up some bits and bobbles that it does seem as though when they disembowels,

and bowels the ooze, he dropped. There were some loot, basically, that they left behind. Oh. Go ahead and roll a D4. Okay. It's a four. Okay. You see everything.

Like, you're, you're... Whoa! You see everything that he dropped one by one. So you are able to find a spell scroll of cure wounds. You're able to find two healing potions. That's 2D4 plus two. You're able to find a spell scroll mold earth and a gold locket with two painted portraits inside that upon further

investigation one is Maxwell the Uze and one is Tippy the Goblin. Hey, uh buddy yeah I found this on the ground and I think you should have it and I hand him the locket oh thanks I can I melt it down and make you know screws and nuts and bolts and yeah thanks that's good scrap metal sure busy like looks at lot can i see that yeah yeah and busy like opens the locket and sees like the portraits so you and maxwell were friends or we're best of friends yeah just friends yeah because then she just like shows yeah it's a lot i mean yeah i would if i had the stuff i would make lockets for you guys okay you know you made that locket for you for

It's just something we do as goblins that most people don't know about, to be honest. Well, maybe it's just me who does it. But yeah, when I have friends, I make lockets of myself and my, yes, my face, so you guys can remember me and lockets of you, so that we can just carry each other around. You know, we're not near each other, and I think that's perfectly normal. I think that's really sweet. I think it's beautiful. And when you put them together, your face is smushed the way that friends do. do.

Just hands it back to walking. Anyways, I'm going to melt this down because it's... Well, hold on. You also know that as an art of fissor, you did put some magic into it. Oh, I... Hold on. I feel a sense of magic. Yeah.

Which one was this? I'm rattling it around because I'm not sure. You, and I'll give you these stats in a second, but there were two qualities to this magic item that you spent a long time working. on. It'd be very difficult for you to build this again. Okay. But using that, you can cast, detect magic once a day, not as a ritual, but as an action. Wow, okay. And you also develop your own magic that's called, I'm calling quarification.

Quarification. Yeah. What that does is the wearer of that item, if you can speak, you can now speak in common. in common with a creature that has no languages. Okay. Cool. If you are a creature with no languages, you can now telepathically speak in common. Okay.

So it gives you the gift of communication. Okay, great. That's with this locket. Yeah, so that's how Maxwell was able to communicate with you. Got it. But you wearing it would also have done the same effect. Great. I put it on. That really complements your whole look.

Yeah. The top hat looks good on you. Oh, thank you. This old thing? It really brings out your sockets. Thank you. Yeah, just really... Yeah, the luf crawls up and is on his forehead now looking up at it and gets a roof.

Can I hear it? Now can I understand? Oh, actually, yeah. You may be able to. Is this just test it? Nothing to doubt. I'm talking into the locket, even though I probably don't need to. What do you are going to? Can you hear me? Yes.

No, not you. Oh. Who's that? Who's that? It's Loof. Loof. Hey, Luke. Hello.

Oh, okay, big mistake. You sound creepy. Loof's a baby. Okay, all right. Loof's a baby. You can't tell a baby they sound creepy. Okay. Actually, thank you very much.

See? You can tell one baby. Thank you. Thank you. Loof, we move fast, okay? We're out for revenge and blood for Maxwell. So, just keep up. Cool?

Our missions are aligned. Yeah, sure. Yeah, weird. And what do I call you? My name's Tippy. Unkey Tippy. Nope, get rid of the Unkey. Just Tippy.

Unkey Tippy. No. Try it again. Tippy. Tunky Tippy. Okay, all right, we'll do this later. Let's get out of this Maxwell murder hole. And I want to keep moving, unless there's other things to look at.

Yeah, and you want to head all the way down to Eun-ZUk's Lair. Shall we? The only other thing of note might be the room that holds the circlet. It is not attached to Eun-Zug's layer. It is, uh, un-zug's layer, or his inner sanctum is even deeper. You know that the room of the circlet, your pal, Rani, is actually very tight with that room, like, hangs out there. On the way? Yeah.

We heard them talking about a circler. We should probably. Yeah. I want to go check out the circlet room, because I want to see, maybe they left behind, you know, some kind of clues where they are, because I, I think that when we go and see Enzug, we always wanna present a problem and also present the solution, right? So we know what the problem is.

Gallot links came in and killed everyone. Solution, we go kill the Gallet links. So as much information and other things that we can gather to bring over there, and then we can do it, we can do it like a compliment, like a little sandwich. You know, like, oh, so sorry boss, it looks like everyone's dead.

But on the other hand, to see, that way you're not just coming up to him. And Busy, you're sure he's not gonna just immediately death ray us for like not defeating the gallantlings ourselves? And that is why we go with information about the gallop wings. We start there and let him know, hey, those people that we're looking for,

we know things, we're smart, and then not killing. And then me, big promotion. Yeah, the sandwich thing. The sandwich thing. Yeah. All right, Busy. Well, why don't you lead the way, and I'm going to hang out in the back maybe behind Phibs where he might not be able to see me right away, just to just, you know, test the waters if we do.

See you and Zug? Yeah, that sounds great because I'm going to tell him you're here anyway. Let's go! Great. So you head to the room that holds the circlet, and it is a small room. This is actually in the dark depths of this overlords layer with black stone and onyx high-loor. lights. This is a room that seems almost hopeful. Plant life surrounds all the walls, lots of greenery. There's a stone pedestal that is carved like a dwarf. She stands in the middle and then above her

battle helm is where the circlet rests. And as you walk in, it's almost, it's almost, It's almost like bewitched, like it's lit like sunlight, like maybe a dawn type of glow. But there is no circlet on the stand where it normally is. This also is where your friend Ronnie, the ghost, normally hangs out. Yeah, you look around the room, I mean, even if you looked for 10 minutes, like you wouldn't be able to find anything. There's nothing.

I'm gonna see if Ronnie is here. Maybe she'll have some explanation. Okay. seen something. Hey Ronnie. Ron Dog? Ronelicious? Ronvacious? Ronvacious? There's no answer. There's no answer? Nothing. That's so weird. I wonder where she went. I can't imagine that they would have gotten her. I mean, she's not alive. We can't really. Okay. Well, maybe she'll come back. Do y'all see anything that we could use? Do you think this is a statue or this is a dwarf that got Meducid?

Oh my gosh. It's probably a dwarf they got Medusa. Oh my, how do we, do we kiss it? Like, how do we fix a Medusa? True Love's Kiss. It's True Love's Kiss. That's how we do this. Is that? I've never heard this. I'm pretty sure it's true Love's Kissed. I thought you just got permanently Medusa. No, you get Medusa. Everybody knows. You get Meduced and then what True Love's Kiss comes and then you get unmeducid. Right. Of course. So it was a snake with a snake with a snake. little humans for here that has to unmedusa you.

Or true loves kiss. Or true loves kiss. I'm going to kiss it. Try. Okay. I'm going to kiss it. Try. Okay.

So you've seen this statue the entire time you've been here. This has been here for five years. And you also see that as far as a dwarf stature, it is a smaller version of that. Not necessarily too small to be a lot. live petrified dwarf, but smaller than one might think. Still, it is expertly crafted and you make out with it. Busy, tilts her little skeleton head. Slightly parts her not-existent skeleton lips.

Anything eye contact with a camera? Who is this for? Please keep going. I was gonna put a hand here, but... here, but... You mean, no. Okay. And then just like kind of leans in and like softly presses her lips, fake lips, non-existent lips, her bones, up against the statue. Wow, I've never seen skeletons kiss anything.

It's really more of a scraping. Yeah, just like a sound. It's like gumbing but hard. It's making me cringe, but that's just a biological reaction. I like this. Yeah, if there were chalkboards, this is what that was done. Totally. Yeah, you're like grinding your teeth kind of sharpening them almost on the stone. Okay, you definitely, you definitely do that. I'm sorry. And busy just like, and nothing happens.

Yeah, nothing happens. Well, you're not the one, you know. It's okay. It might not be true love's kids. Now that I'm looking at this, I don't think it's not the true love thing. I just don't think this dwarf is the scale, so it might be a statue. I have been a statue. Okay, it could be a statue. All right.

I've never seen a lot of, you know, dwarves usually by the- How do you tell? Which a statue? What's a Madusa? What's a true love, you know? So what is true love? What is true love? What is true love?

Keeps me up at night. How do we, what do we do it? Like, where's Ronnie? The circle's gone. Yeah, the circlet's gone. I don't see anything and Ronnie's not here, so I guess. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I saw the whole thing.

Oh, Ronnie. What? What! What! What? What? I was coming to you. And you see this like this like really like animated, excited ghosts, just ectoplasm, mostly

eyes and a big smiley mouth in a form that looks kind of humanoid, has hands but no legs, whisked as it gets waisted down. And yeah, she's got a big all smile. I had you going though, didn't I? You totally had me go. You made me look bad in front of my friends. Yeah, I thought I thought it would be fun to make you think I also was dead again.

That's also not fun for me. Yeah. Fun for me though. Okay, fine. You do look like he had a really good time. Yeah, look, the gallantlings did a number on us. Yeah. Is there anything that we would be able to figure out about where they went or?

Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel, you know me. I love the circlet. I love this circlet of interruption that we've got stored down here. I just love it. And it's not like I can track it, but I can kind of track it-ish. And I keep hearing they're going to the crater of sorrow, and so I'm, that seems about the right direction.

All right. Well, so we are going to go over to see Unzug. Oh, you've been waiting for this. So we're going to go. Wait, today, now? Yeah. After the dungeon's been completely cleared out. Yeah.

And he might be in a vicious rage. But who else would you want to see? Wouldn't you want to see that you've got an army that's ready to stand up for you and know that your soldiers are still there ready, waiting on one order to take down and make the world beautiful and evil as it should be? Okay, the last time I asked you to do something impressive, you said like two words in a different language. That's pretty impressed. That's pretty... Impressive. You said coffee, please. But I got coffee? I don't know how to say that in other languages.

Yeah. Well, what if we wind up going somewhere and we need coffee? What if the crater of sorrow has a coffee shop? And then now they don't speak common and we don't have coffee. You know I'm down. I'm down for, I'm just down for the whole experience of it. So I might stay here, though. You want to stay here?

You don't want to roll with us? Is that because you're like spiritually bound to this room? Okay, okay, okay, why do you have to say it like that? Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that was an offensive question. Well, yeah, it's, I have a relationship to this room. I have a relationship to the circlet. It doesn't mean I can't leave, but I think I'm more vulnerable outside of the circlet in this room's presence.

You know this. Yeah, maybe you should kiss the statue. We'll come back to that later. Have you tried kissing the statue? Maybe you should kiss this one. I'm not kidding. I'm not going to kiss a statue. Is that a statue of you?

Wait, is that you? I don't know. No. I'm a ghost. Would it be, would it, is that a statue of me? Do I look like that? Well, you're kind of round-ish. It's good.

It's good round. Okay. It's good round. I mean, maybe that's a statue of me. Yeah. Well, if you, I mean, I know that you feel vulnerable when you leave, aren't you just like, remember that one time when we were hanging out and you thought that it would be like, a really funny prank to go inside my body and make me say dumb stuff.

And then you made me slap that kid. Yeah, I do remember that. That was kind of, you're going to tell your friends that we did that? It's kind of weird. You can just watch me kiss a statue. I think that we're beyond, like. I don't know, it's kind of weird. It's kind of weird to bring it off like that.

I'm sorry. I know I should have checked first. But do you, I mean, if you want to. Yeah, I do remember that. It's like not something you forget. You want me to inhabit you again? If you want to, it'll keep you a little safer, and you can help us find the circlet.

I think one day I'll be ready to inhabit you while other people are watching, but I don't know if today's the day that I'm going to, like, consensually inhabit you. What's inhabiting? I think it's something that happens on Bring a Kid to Work Day. Use it for slapping purposes.

Okay, have we all been inhabited? Am I the only one who hasn't inhabited? I've done, as far as I, I guess there is a spider inside of it. I'm just going to explain it to you. I'm just going to explain it to you. You said this place was steps from the water. We just haven't found the steps yet. How much did we save? Enough.

Enough to get lost. Or you could book a stay with Hilton. Welcome to your oceanfront room. Just steps from the water. The Hilton sale is on now. Book on Hilton.com or the Hilton app and save up to 20% to get the stay you expected. When you want savings, not surprises. matters where you stay. Hilton, for this day. The war is over and both sides lost.

Kingdoms were reduced to cinders and armies scattered like bones in the dust. Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins. This is old school adventuring at its most cruel. Your torch ticks down. in real time and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the

decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s. And man, it is so good to be back. Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the Shadow Dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube.com slash the Glass Cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us. in the dark. I take my body.

Okay. And I drip it over her bones. Okay, cool. And she merge together, and we become one. Oh. And it's like she's hard and dry, and I'm wet and soft. And we form kind of, correct me if I'm wrong,

A really juicy being. That sounds awesome. Kind of sounds like your buddy Maxwell. He was pretty juicy. Well yeah, but we didn't inhabit. We can't inhabit. If I inhabited Maxwell, I'd die. Oh, okay.

Yeah. And she becomes a little more powerful. That sounds perfect, like something I maybe have wanted my whole life. And I get to worship her and her experience. Great, well, can somebody inhabit me? Like, what? Well, you're not bones. Yeah, you kind of have.

I have to be bones? Look, I've only done this once, and it was kind of a joke, and then... Inhabiting. And then it wasn't a joke. But anyway... That's good to know, yeah. Yeah, so I'm not going to do that right now. I'm not going to do that right now.

That's true. Cool. Yeah, I'm not going to think about that at all. I'm going to... I think I'm going to stay here. Why don't you come back? and report to me afterwards. Okay.

Okay. Are you okay? I'm okay. Okay. I wanted to talk about that. Yeah, I did. I wanted to talk about that. Can I roll insight and see if Ronnie is okay?

Yeah, you can. You can't. Yeah, roll insight. That's going to be 18. 18. Yeah, Ronnie, Ronnie, she's got emotions. As a ghost, like, she's just an emotional being. She's not, like, traumatized or anything, but maybe she's got, she has a vulnerability hangover.

Okay. Well, all right. Ronnie, you seem like you love this place. So we got to get moving because we got to find in Zook. Okay. I mean, yeah. Is there anything else we should know before going to the boss man? Because Busy seems to think that everything is going to be okay.

I just have a feeling that he's going to be a bit peeved at, um, One, two, three, maybe all of us. Yeah, I know a little bit more than you do about him, but not much. I mean, he keeps his inner sanctum really guarded. I can't even, I can't even get through, even though I should be able to. Is there like a password or anything, like we should know?

No, no, I think you just kind of, I mean, there's a door to it, so you could probably open it. Do you knock first or? You should always knock. Knock, okay, we'll knock. The way, the way Crandall Grecoworth always gets in is he whispers something to the door, but I have never heard.

Can you whisper something like a password? Oh. Is that what he whispers? Yeah, look, I'm not alive, so yeah, maybe it's a spell, but maybe it's a password. Do you know what he said? No, I don't know. Okay. If it's a spell, maybe I can figure it out.

Okay. If Crandall can do it, I can probably do it. Yeah, you know Crandall Greco Worth is this human guy who has lived too long. Like this is, he's probably 250 years old. I'll say. Yeah, and he's bald and hunched over, big guy, probably 300 pounds, hunched over, he's like 5-5. But yeah, just big, big ugly loss of teeth,

no hair, no eyebrows, no nothing, and dresses, yeah, just dresses in leathers and canvas. Just imagine like Leather Daddy Gagamel, I hate this guy. Yeah. All right, yeah. Yeah, drooling all the time. Just like, lots of moisture coming out of his nose in his mouth. My Grego worth less.

Yes. You would know that guy. That guy is kind of the operations guy for the minions in the dungeon. You would have had interactions with him. And I think, yeah, and your distaste for him is pretty dead on. But yeah, okay, so Ronnie's going to stick around. You had to Eunzu's lair, at least the front, his door, his inner sanctum door. Before we leave, I would.

I want to roll stealth for Tippy to sneak a kiss on the statue before anybody, making sure nobody can see him do this. Okay. Yeah. This is gonna be versus y'all's passive perception. Oh boy. What's the, oh no. Oh no, no, no, that's a Nat 20.

That's a Nat 20. Oh. Okay. I thought the scroll was a one. I believe you did. The one is a one. Because I landed on a skull. It's just 21s right next to each other.

Let me see. That's a Nat 20. I don't know if I believe you. It wasn't Nat 20. I mean, I know it's a skull. I said, oh no, because I thought the skull was like a crit fail. But it's a Nat 20. I've got goblin dice, guys.

Yes, that's true. Not 20 versus your passive perceptions are not that. And yeah, you full on succeed. In fact, you're succeeding so hard. They're like, I mean, this is conversation with Ronnie. Ronnie is, you know, upset maybe a little bit. And you can do whatever you want to that statue. So as everybody's talking and trying to figure out, you know,

what's the best pathway to go, I like pretend to kick a rock and just smoothly fade into the shadows, right? And then I reappear from the shadows right next to the statue. And I sneak next to it and I go, and wait for like 10 seconds. And then I'm assuming nothing happens. Yeah, nothing happens. I go, damn it. And that's it.

That's all I want to do. That's amazing. I want to kiss it and it's not true love's kiss. Yeah, you do. Yeah, no one does anything about that. You have that moment for yourself. Yeah. That was worth it.

It was worth it. Great. Good. We ought to take moments for ourselves. Yes. So as y'all... Had to know. Had to know.

Are able to leave. Ronnie is going to stay behind. Yeah, you're making your way down, down, down some spiral staircases. down a flat tunnel that just gets deeper and deeper. And then this growing red light shines in front of you, and it comes from behind this big iron door, massive, like way too big, like 10 feet wide, 12 feet tall. It just looks very archaic.

The big old anvil with the smoke coming out of it is like the insignia built in sea. steel is just hammered onto his door. Looks even better on a door. It's so big. You've never seen it so big. This is it, huh? This is it.

Two torches are lit on either side, blue flame glowing from each one of them. Okay. The opposite of a penthouse, but also very cool, I don't have a word for it. Okay. So has anybody ever met him, just like actually met him? No.

I saw him walk around the corner once. And I was also at the very back. He did like a big address to all of the Warriors, but he looked like more of a speck in the distance because there was a lot of us. And he was cool. He seemed like progressive and chill. He's amazing.

Oh, my God. All-powerful. Necromance. He can do it all. Okay, yeah. Yeah. He's a hoon-sook. Yeah, I'll be in the back.

Supporting. Yeah. Let's do this. Okay. This is what we practice for. This is what we've been waiting for. You've got to help your notes. Okay.

Okay. And Busy, like, raises up, starts looking around the door to see if there's any kind of hit to what an incantation or something to open the door might look like. Yeah, so as you approach the door and you're looking and searching, roll an investigation check. Investigation that is a 13. A 13.

Okay, so you're, are you touching the door? Yeah, just kind of like going around, looking at it. So first you're looking, you kind of don't see anything. of note. I mean, there are ruins like mad around the door, glowing blue, glowing red, just glowing gold, lighting up as you get nearer. This door looks incredibly trapped. Just couldn't look more arcanely trapped. And you're talking yourself up, you're amping yourself up. The second you're about to go and touch the door, you hear a squawk behind you. Step away, step away from the door. And you turn around and you see two beings at first. You see this a grell, which is a brain looking thing with a beak and dangling tentacles below.

Ew. Floating in the air towards you. This is the one that's been talking to you. Stop away from the door. Massive, just this huge, this huge, vicious-looking creature. How big are we talking? I would say she's all, Top to bottom, she's like eight feet.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, like the brain, the brain itself is, yeah, like a big boulder. Then behind her kind of plumping along, bouncing really, is a mimic, a mimic chest, who you especially recognize, but all of you recognize as grown mimsy. So this is an adult mimsy from back in the day, the first guy who sent you to your deaths, in when you first came to Eun-Zug's lair. He's not saying much of anything, but his tongue is like flopping around.

And I will say both of these creatures you can understand. They are speaking in common. Okay, guys, that's Mimsy. Mimsy. Memzy. No, no. Mimsy hates me.

I thought you guys got on famously. No, I... A lot has happened in five years. I filed an entire complaint against Memzy. Oh, God. There was. Yeah, Mimsy, Mimsy. Mimsy...

Toxic envisely. promoted you very, very quickly. The first day when you ceased to flinch against his outraged mimic reveal, and since then, though, things have not been as easy. No. The growl you, none of you have seen before. You've never seen...

Have I seen Memsey since, or this is the first... Yeah, yeah. Memsey, okay, so you know that Memsey has stuck around. Most of you have at least gotten to his level. He was like lower middle management. have started working in your own departments of the layer. So he's kind of become a non-issue for you. However, he's worked pretty closely with you kind of neck and neck,

getting promotions, getting demoted, both of you kind of neck and neck in that regard. And you know that about three months ago, he left. He left stating that he was looking for other opportunities. Of course he did. Yeah, that kind of stuck with you because it was kind of like, well, you know, there's not someone to compete with anymore, but also what opportunities? I mean, you know that there are layers

peppered around the desolation, but one does not simply make a lateral move. So it's strange to see. Why would you leave someone who's all powerful because then the other people would have to be like semi-powerful? Right. So it's strange to see Mimsy back here.

It's almost, it's, yeah, like I would say you specifically are pretty offended, especially since, you know, he became, a pretty good mimic. You could have used him, you know? Like this dungeon got decimated. Where was the mimic? This little stupid mimic and his little tongue hole,

he quit. Did y'all know that? He quit. Mimsy quit. Looking for all right, all right, yeah I did. Oh hey, Mimsy, what's up? You can't be by the door. It's not yours anymore.

Mimsy, I thought you quit. Honestly, like what are you doing here? I did, I did. I quit. Oh, does this look like quitting? You guarding the door? high level position? Oh, is that, was that?

No, I'm not guarding the door. I'm coming in on a different, in a different role with Deb here. Oh, so riding Deb's coat tails? Well, not necessarily. We're all equal here and Fiends United. Fiends United. Yes, yes, it's Fiends United.

We're Fiends United and this dungeon no longer belongs to you. I have the paperwork, it's ours now. What? Excuse me? It's a minion union, it's a minion union, Union? I don't have a union. Okay.

Because he starts looking for a union car. Like looking through her paperwork, if she remembered, I don't remember going to any meeting. No, no, and Zook's Laird was never part of the union. No, you're not in the union. So are you not, you coming in from the outside and like claiming squatters rights? No, we have the paperwork.

This is our layer now. It's gonna be a union dungeon and you can work here if you're union, but that's it. Really sorry. Yeah, you can look at it. Yeah, sorry guys. Where do you get off, Mimsy? Coming back, you know, quit.

Oh, now you're going to, you know, quit. You're with Fiends United, whatever. Yeah, I'm with Fiends United. Yeah, I just, that's what, I mean, I couldn't tell everybody or else everyone would leave the dungeon, but yeah, I was approached. You know what, you were always like a fair weather manager. Like you come in, you bark some orders,

and then you let me do all the work. Um, I think what the word you're looking for is opportunist. Opportunist, that's a good. And I'm proud to be an opportunist. Here we are in the desolation. I'm confused. First of all, what is the KPI? Second of all, Union, the only union is

Yun-Zug in his glorious, all-powerful might. He means Un-Zug. Yeah, so there is, I mean, maybe Deb can address this. You know, so, thing about Un-Z, he's not here. He's not here anymore. It's a vacant lair. He's what?

He's not here. What do you mean? This is his layer. Now you are squatting. What are you? Busy starts reading the paper. Is there anything on there? Yeah, I mean, it seems, it seems, like, wildly official.

Like, it's a deed, you know, to the Fiends United Union, and it comes from the town of NACBrekka. If you think of it, like, a Mos Espa of Star Wars, like it's a hub, a trading point, pretty much any factions there are all neutralized. Like, no one's out to kill people there, but if gallantling's there would definitely be attacked. So, I'm just confused.

Are we not also, would you not consider us fiends? How are we not part of this onion? Yeah. Answer the question. I know. Look, there's two ways to become in the union. You have to already be in the union. Work in a union dungeon, which means you have to be in a union.

Or the other two ways is if you're overlord, who you have worked for, signs off that you have worked a certain number of years. I'm going to get thrash hard lead into it? You can thrash. to get three peg scrolls. Yeah, okay, and yes. Yes, that's so canon. The other way, actually, you're in a good spot because it's to make, kind of make your own dungeon,

which we are taking over this dungeon, but would make it a legitimate dungeon, is to have the item of attraction restored. In this case, the circlet of interruption. Everyone knows that, you know, Unzug, Eun-Zug's lair houses the circlet of interruption no longer does. I don't understand. Don't we all work for Unzug?

I do not work for Unzug. How is that possible? You're a monster. Yeah, I don't work for Unzook either anymore. Mimsy, yeah, come on. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. No, I quit. I looked for better opportunities.

Look, I was approached by the union and I just thought, hey, I'll take this. I think I deserve this. I think I deserve to be part of a collective whole. Okay, look, Busy, you might agree with you. with me here, but I don't think Eun-Zug would like us talking about what he would or wouldn't do because he's the evil darkest overlord of all, right? Like, there's only one? No, he's definitely one of them, and he's a big one, but no, he's not the only one. I just remember when I first started working here, I had a job downstairs, I had to lick the boots clean,

and I was always told that it was a really important job, and Unzug was the only guy in that unions were bad, so why are you coming in now? Like, this is a good thing. Your overlord was toxic to you. Well, yes, poison-based powers. Mimsy was toxic to us. Okay, like, I don't know if that's exactly the path you want to take right now, because you don't belong here, and anyone who doesn't belong in a union dungeon is considered a gallantling, and we might have to attack you, and I've got a grell on my side,

not to mention the other union minions who have come through, which we really got to get that gate replaced, because a lot of them died, at the gate? So you're kicking us out of our home? We're kicking you out of our home. Home. The only home we've ever known. Well, yeah, okay.

Home. All of us. This has been our entire lives here in this dungeon. Every single one of the three of us. Definitely forever. It's been our entire memories and lifetimes. The only thing we've ever cared about was here in this dungeon.

And as you're talking, The Grell floats her way in between you and the massive door and sets herself in between you so you know how longer have access. Excuse me, Deb. What could you possibly mean what? You could, is politeness not a tenant of your union? You were waxing poetic about the grief you were about to experience

and I need to secure the layer. What you're doing right now is the squatters wrong. I need you to know that. I'm with Fibbs. You're doing a squatters wrong and it's not right. I understand, yoink. She takes the document back. But again, we just have the option here.

And you don't want to go against us. I mean, we're 100 strong at this point. A hundred? Yeah, we're infiltrating this. There's three of us. Three, four if we count, woof. Four if we count, five. What about the ghost?

If she decides to come with us. Okay, that could be a five, and six of the door. If we find true love, that could be another one. True love's guess out. Um, Deb, can we sidebar? Deb, yes, sidebar. We're gonna sidebar. Yeah.

Yeah. We're a sidebar. Okay. So, um, it looks like. Mimsy's in here with you. Our only, Mimsy. No, Mimsy, this is for current employees. Get out of here. This is a current employee's meeting.

Yeah, I swear to God, Mimsy. Guys, I know that I could help too. No, you're, you're, You flip sides, what are you talking about? I could flip sides again. Okay, classic Mimsy. Classic Mimsy. Of course.

If you make it worth my while. What would be worth your while? What do you want, Mimsy? Just like all the stuff you have. All the stuff we have, what do you just? How do we know that we're not gonna give you all of our glorious stuff, all of scabs and various bandages? Okay, well, I don't know what I want,

but I just wanna be part of the side farm. What if we can offer you true love? What if we could offer you true love? Could you? Listen, and this is very prized information. There's a statue, one level up. And with true love's kiss, it'll come back to life. And if it comes back to life, that means you have true love.

And if you have true love, well, voila. Deception. Does it manage to because Mimsy's been in this land? It's already a minus two, so. That's gonna, oh, with disadvantage, okay. Oh, it's a 15. No, no. A 15.

It's a 15. I rolled a 19 and 15. Wow. That's wild. What are you talking about? That's just the statue where the circuit lives. That's like the statue of, I don't know, the champion of the circuit. Well, what people don't know is that it got Medusa, like a long time.

How do you know this? I'm better than you. No, you're clearly not. Wow. I didn't quit. I stayed boots on the ground, fell into a spike trap with my friends. I mean, I'm here. You weren't. You went off and did some weird onion, so. Yeah. Those boots, those boots that were being licked, he pulled himself up by those straps of those boots. Okay, okay, so what am I supposed to do with that information? Like, now what?

You tell us what we need to get to the other side of the gate, because we need to find Eun-ZUk. Okay, well, I think, I think, I mean, I do have some inside information. We are, As part of the union who's infiltrating this dungeon, it's not like we could come in if it was still inhabited by its dark overlord. So Eun-zook's probably dead. Whoa. Yeah.

Dad? I can't believe I'm hearing this. What do you mean? I mean, like, he can die? This happened while a light bulb was popping up over my head. It's just not thinking this is funny at all. Can Phibs, when he's hearing this, can he try to, like, sneak away? Oh, sure.

Just, like, around the corner real quick. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Yeah, so it'll be against passive perception, I guess, versus the growler. It's a 17 stealth. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Yeah, yeah, you're able to do it.

Okay. So the Grella's, like, Deb is being very, yeah, surreptitious about letting you have your time, and Memsey's freaking listening to your story about the, statue, you were able to do that. Okay, so Phibbs goes around the corner and tries his absolute hardest to just really envision what Eun-Zug looks like. And he's really only seen Eun-Zug in passing

from like kind of weird angles. And he just is thinking with all of his might, he opens his rib cage and pulls out his spellbook and unwinds the silver thread that's on the cover and finds the spell he's looking for. And it goes to the letter D for disguise. And, Viv, he's like, You've been practicing your whole life for this, buddy.

Be Eun-ZUk. And he tries to disguise himself to look like what he thinks that Eun-ZUk looks like from the couple of times he's seen him from a distance. Okay, okay. So kind of like an impressionist painting of like a tall handsome out from weird angle. Yeah, who still has his hair,

yeah, swelled, yeah, you got You also know he's got black hair. You know he's always got, yeah, golden inlay, where's, purples and blacks. Yeah, you're able to make a pretty, let's see, roll a history. Roll a history check. Oh, history, don't fill me now. Eight. An eight.

History you failed me. Okay, okay, okay. But I will say there are things you do know, like his insignia, you know that, like the back of your hand. Yeah, what's that? And you know he's got black hair. It's just the facial features itself. So, like, maybe you don't know what an elf looks like. I don't.

Yeah, it has more goblin qualities than elf qualities, longer noses. Yeah, like pointy ears, but two pointy ears. Yeah, okay, so you do a pretty good job, but the face itself is a little grotesque. Okay. Okay, so you're able to do that. And you, let's see, you're about, I would say you're about the right height anyway. Okay.

So Phibbs comes back around the corner as Unzug. Who disturbs my lair. Oh my God, that's the first time we heard Eunzug too. Is that what he sounds like? Okay. Or does he have more, that's what he sounds like. Yeah, it sounds like sad Gandalf.

Okay, so, okay. I dare say, hey. investigating my home. You gotta give me some guidance here, Amy. That's very good. I think he does sound a little bit more like that. Okay. Yeah, more skeletor, I guess.

Do we know? We don't know. We don't notice fibs, right? No, you don't notice fibs. Unless you have a passive perception of higher than 17. No, I do not. Okay, so yeah, you come around and you do that. You're going to roll history disadvantaged.

Okay, history of disadvantage. advantage. Okay. Well, I don't that's gonna be. Because you've never seen it either. An eight, yeah. That is a four. Y'all, that is oozing. That is oozing. Busy just immediately like drops to her knees

and starts like bowing like, oh great and powerful unzug. Thank God you're here. We've been so worried. We didn't know where you were. They're talking all of this nonsense. Something about a... goes, oh my gosh, oh, oh no, oh my gosh, sorry. We were told, look, I know I come in with a lot of authority, but really it's the people at Nacabreca who have,

they told us- NACBECBECA helps no authority here. Demp. Oh no, yeah. So, okay, the thing is, we do have the deed for this place. The only deed you have is a misdeed of trespass. Oh God, he's angry. Please, please, forgive us stupid mortals.

Okay, Mimsy, however, goes, Um, I don't know, actually if, I don't, I don't think you have any power here. Mimsy shut up. I don't think you do. Those are big words for the treacherous books. Okay, I mean, the thing is, so Deb and I are gonna go back up the stairs

and you guys can do what you're gonna do, but you just have about 10 minutes before you're considered gallantlings and we have to kill you because you're not part of the union. And you spoke the forbidden word in my presence. You have about five minutes. Debs going, no, Demsie, Mimsy, stop. Tidby's so nervous he throws up. Okay, yeah, Mimsy, stop.

You spoke the forbidden word. You know that you're part of Onzoog's Lair. And Mimsy goes, I don't think that's in Zug. I think he died. That's why we're able to have this document. Documents are not predicated on the status of one's paler or corpse-likeness? Mimsy hops up to you and does the thing that he has once done

to test Tippy's medal. And he just kind of does the thing that mimics do called go nuts. Oh, really? Maybe he's going sick, oh, my? Go nuts. He's not attacking you, but he's like, you know, full mothrashing tongue out, purple ooze coming out to reveal, like, even the skin of the treasure chest, like, moving back a little to reveal his purple ooze underneath.

So I want you to go ahead and roll to be frightened. Okay. You're gonna roll a charisma saving throw of DC. Uh, 15. Okay, you got this. Come on, Lou, help me out, little spider. Now at McDonald's, a McDouble is 250, so you can get your gym gains on,

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Oh, okay. Ouch. Oh God, what's with skin or a box? Yeah, so you are frightened. You can't move. I guess the only really thing that you can't do is move closer to the mimic. And then you just have some disadvantages against you

if someone was going to attack you. But yeah, you're really scared. Go away. Okay, you guys see, like he's actually scared of me. So if I get close, or you're gonna try to move away. Stop it! Look!

Look, guys! Look, Dabb! He's scared of me! This can't be Eun-ZUZUK scared. U-ZUZUK Favisly hates box! He's not the deep, dark baddest lord we've ever met. I see his vulnerability. It just makes me want to follow him more.

I can't besmirch the Dark Lord anymore. I dropped the spell. It was me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not so. I'm sorry. Dab goes, all right, all right. Enough.

Enough of this. Confoolery and shirkannery. This is a serious dungeon where we're all equals. You've made a mockery of me, a mockery, I say. Now, you have to leave. All right. We're all equals, but we have to leave. Yeah, well, you're not equals

because you're not part of Fiends United. All right, so we're less than's? Yeah. Okay, cool. Wow. I mean, you could have joined the union, but instead you were going independent, I guess. So it's not up to me, okay? It's the people at Nacbreka.

The fiends united. Everyone, I'm so upset. You have to leave. The only thing is, you know, the entrance gate needs to be fixed. That sounds like a union problem. Yeah, that's an onion job. I don't even think that we can touch it if it's. Well, okay, here are your options.

Yeah, we can't breach. We may be less thanns, but we ain't scabs. We're not scabs. We don't scabs. We have scabs, but we don't scabs. We got us, though. If I had skin, it would be horrible. So you can either stay here in the dungeon, in which case we would kill you because you're non-union and therefore gallantlings.

Or you can fix the entrance gate and leave, and we would let you do that. We would let you do that. Okay. What if we leave and we'll look at the gate, but no promises? Okay. I mean... If we can't fix it. You'll be able to fix it, it's fine.

Okay, you know what, Deb, I've been keeping this inside this whole time. But what have I told you that there's a way to get true love? Oh. I know you're looking for it. I mean, how many other big-beaked, big-brain individuals are there in the world?

You noticed. Right. And sometimes it's hard to find a match. But I know there could be a chance for you. One level up. If you let us through this gate and leave- You're gonna tell you about a statue that's shaped like a dwarf.

God. Deb, I don't know if you, unless you wanna kiss this. No, listen, there's a statue. You can find out for yourself, but if you go kiss it, you might find true love. And now it didn't work for me. Well, I don't wanna kiss it if Mimsy already kissed it. Mimsy hasn't kissed it.

Mimsy didn't kiss it. Well, I'm gonna. Oh yeah, right. Well, I mean, you guys should maybe race there and see you kiss it. You could have true love or this misery box. And I point to Mimsy. True. Mmm.

I, look, this guy, he's underneath me already. I can make him do whatever I want. You can't kiss the dwarf statue. I'm calling dibs. I'm Deb and I'm calling dibs with the dwarf statue. You still have to fix the door or leave, or both. Okay, I was hoping he would go, I mean, I gave you some precious information.

You know, what are we yet? Yeah, look, you're a horrible, man. We don't even want you because horrible. Horrible. Yeah, listen, when you offer information, you have to demand something in return, which you didn't do. Did I not demand anything? Did I just tell?

Yeah, you just said it. You skipped the demand? It's all right. So it's fine. I mean, you need more training, which the union could give you if you decided to join Feens United. We love it here, but that's our motto actually. We love it here.

We love it here. F you, we love it here. Great. Okay, so onto the door, please, to get you guys out of here. I really, I got, honestly, it's the best idea, okay? Just wait until I tell Eun-Zug about this. I always knew, I always knew.

One last sidebar, okay? Just one, one last one? With me. Without Mimsy. All right. Guys, I say we try to kill them and run. Can they hear us? I don't know.

I think they hear us. of silence. It's not a spell I know. It's just. I mean, I can't tell if we could take them or not, but maybe you guys can. I'll run first. I'm a little afraid of Mimsie,

if I have to be honest. I would feel like I'm at some sort of mechanical disadvantage. Then I'm really more of a like organizer type. I don't know if I'm really a like, hit people too much with my bones type. The other thing I want to tell you guys is I'm out of ideas. That was it.

I was basically gonna kill him and run, or just run. I think we just gotta run. And I think we go get that circlet, and we come back here and we reclaim what is rightfully Unzug's. And then we get to stay here too. Yes, we can form our own union for Unzug.

You really think, real F you. You guys really believe them? Like, is Inzug dead, or? I don't believe them, and I think if we go find them. If we go find him, and he knows what Mimsy, that traitor has been doing, he's gonna be so mad, And he's gonna be like, oh, busy, thank you so much. I always knew that I could count on you

every time I would see you and you would stand in one area and then two seconds later you would walk five feet away and then stay in that other area. I always knew you were met for something more. Hey, I'm sorry I didn't have him say that. I just kind of panicked when I was talking to everybody. That's okay, that was your first time as I was in Zwick. It felt great.

So you're saying, just to be clear, you don't wanna do the old stab, nut kick, tip them over run. Oh, we can tip them over. We can tip them over. Okay, great. Let's tip them over and then run. Okay, okay. Roll initiative.

Wait, are you all really trying to do this? I think we should just tip over Mimsy and run? That's what I want. That's really what I want. Okay, okay, okay. Let's go ahead and roll initiative. Okay, all right. God.

Big old 10? 12. That's an eight. Okay, so actually this is a surprise round. They're expecting you to come out pretty tame after having your sidebar bestowed upon you. So the first person to act would be busy, then fibs, then tippy. Busy just goes over to Mimsy and says like,

you know, I wanna apologize. I feel like, and I like with their other hand is like kind of like sneakily gesturing. I wanna thank you for all of the help and everything that you've done for us. And oh, is that, I'm sorry, I think I dropped something and Bizzy like drops the ground. Oh, takes her arm off and uses it as like a,

puts it under Mimsy. Like a lea? Like a lever to knock Mimsy over. Okay, great. And so is the goal like, so Mimsy is a chest like that, you want him to just be like this? Yes. Just in like an embarrassing way.

Yes. Oh yeah. Okay, okay. Maximum embarrassment. Okay, so this is like less of an attack. It kind of is. So I'll call this like a... It's like a prank.

It's like a prank. It's a prank. Yeah, it's a prank. So, so just, Just go ahead and make either an athletics. Yeah, I think an athletics check would do it. Okay. I don't even know if there's gonna do any damage.

All right, so that is... A 10? Mm-hmm. Okay, so you definitely... And go ahead and roll a deception too. The deception might help your friends. And that is an 11. An 11.

Okay, so you're being suss. Yeah, you walk up, you're able to get your arm off and use it as a lever, but Menzies like, I don't believe you, I don't. And you like try to lift up, and he's like, and you're getting underneath me. Yeah, no, I saw something under there. It's really nice, you'll really like it.

I think it's more union rules. Yep, I see a paper that says union rules. I just gotta, oh. Okay, essentially you're being fairly ineffective, but he's not, he's not registering this as an attack yet. So, Phibs. Okay, so, Phibbs seeing this is going to, See, hey, what's that over there?

And cast minor illusion behind them to look like Blood Weaver. Oh, shit, okay. But from a distance, because it's a minor illusion. Oh, shoot. Was that too complex? No, no, no. I'll go nuts for minor illusions, no matter what they are. I don't care.

No, a big phase spider sounds good for me. Okay, a live phase spider, right? Okay, great. So behind them in the tunnel, a giant phase spider, complete with the red markings and the, blue joints shows up, all eyes gleaming, gold. It's just standing there, it's not moving yet. But yeah, Mimsy and Deb are, I think,

sufficiently distracted. Although, I think for minor illusion, we get an intelligent saving throw to see if we can give that a shot. Yeah, I believe so. This also has DC of 13. Oh, no. Mimsy's not very intelligent. He's negative three.

Classic. Okay, yeah, they turn around and they're like, oh no, what have we done? I don't know, look guys, I think. Oh shoot, oh shoot, oh shoot. So they're sufficiently distracted. You're gonna have advantage on whatever you do. Oh, okay.

Just a run. No, I'm going to take out my rope and I'm gonna tie a big old gobby knob. And I'm going to, with my goblin boo-yag magic, I'm gonna be like, hmm, time to trap him. And cast snare on the rope. If Mimsy fails on a dexterity then they are restrained and hoisted magically up into the air.

Okay, and they have to pass over it. How long does it? I think it takes you a minute to do this. Does it? Does it? Does it really? Oh God, I'm casting time one minute. VAMP, come on VAMP for time.

It's only 10 rounds of combat. Is that? Is that a long time? Would it take too long to do that? A turn is about six seconds. Oh, God, okay. Ten turns in a... I'm not gonna do that. I'm actually gonna do Plan B, which is just bolt.

Okay, do you want to push them over? All right, 100%. Okay, push him over. So go ahead and make an athletics check. Okay, I'm going to run, and I'm going to push them over. So that's going to be athletics minus one. That's a four. Yes.

I run it, I go, I hate you. Try to push him. Yeah, yeah, you try to push him. You fall back. Just by the laws of physics, your pack is overtaking. So you're like, you, this tiny little goblin comes at this like pretty, pretty large mimic. Do do do do, do it comes up and you like, I hate you. You push.

Your bag goes forward and then it just pendulums back and so to you. And you're kind of left with your hands and legs in the air like a turtle on the back of its shell. None of these aren't really attacks. They actually are so minor that the two monsters that you have in your grasp do not even. even clock these as attacks. I would say initiative's over, except they do believe that the phase spider is really there. So if you're running, right, yeah.

I'm on my back, turtle, my own. I'm gonna help tippy up, and I think, we gotta get out of the game. Okay, so you put your goblin friend back on bipedal mode, and you run through the phase spider illusion, dissolving it. And as you run up the tunnel to the really only exit you know of, which is also the entrance,

which is also where these two to want you to go. That is where we will end this episode. Running out of shame and embarrassment. From a mimic, you have failed to not horizontal. Yeah. It's classic heroes journey. You'll have to fail before you succeed.

And with that, I will say that is the end of episode one of Sagas of Sundry, Goblin Mode. Thanks for tuning in, guys. Inhabiting. Ever open up your podcast app, scroll forever, and still not know what to listen to? And there are millions of podcasts, and most of them, they just don't grab you. That's why I created something you should know. Every episode is built around surprising, useful, and fascinating ideas.

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