Critical Role & Sagas of Sundry - The Terror Squad Awakens | Sagas of Sundry: Goblin Mode | Episode 0

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Wow, last episode was a doozy, huh? Let’s all take a deep breath with a very special flashback episode of Goblin Mode…Session 0! Travel back in time to the never-before-seen prequel: the very first time Amy Vorpahl, Jason Nguyen, Danielle Radford, and Dan Casey sat down together to bring the Terror Squad to life. Find out how it all came to pass in a new episode of Sagas of Sundry: Goblin Mode!   Hear ye! Hear ye! Goblin Mode is going on a midseason break for the holidays! While our regular episodes will resume on 1/6/25, we have plenty of awesome bonus content, behind-the-scenes materials, and special surprises coming your way, so stay tuned… Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It was supposed to be in my feed this week. Well, folks, we're actually going on a mid-season break. After the thrilling finale to episode 11, if you know, you know, we're going on a mid-season break for the holidays because even goblins and skeletons need to go back and see their families once in a while. Now, our ongoing story episodes of Goblin Mode

will resume January 6th, 2025, but don't worry, we're not going to leave you, and dry. Rather, we have a bunch of fun surprises cooked up for you that are going to be deploying each and every week across Geek and Sundry. Today, I'm really excited. We have episode zero. If you've played RPGs, you may know what this is. This is the first time any of us sat down to play together at a table. This is the first time any of these characters were given life. You get to see us create these characters in real time and go on a full-on prequel adventure five years, maybe 10 years, five years at least.

Who knows? Five to ten years, let's call it that, before the events of episode one. So, without further ado, thank you so much for joining us, and we hope you enjoy Goblin Mode, Episode Zero. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Session Zero for a To Be Titled series on Geek and Sundry in partnership with Realm. It is a sprawling fantasy epic, the likes of which you've never seen before, especially if you've never seen any fantasy before. Now, we're going to have a lot of fun on this. We're going to tell an ever-evolving story, improvisational, emergent narrative with some of the funniest, most talented people I know. We have an amazing storyteller, Amy Vorpal. Hi.

We have incredible cast. We have Jason Wynn, Daniel Rackardt, and me, you boy, Dan Casey, who, yes, I happen to be here and walk into the studio, and here we are. So I'm very excited about this. This is something we've been working on for a long time, but today we're just going to have a lot of fun. We're going to sort of get used to what it's like to play as a group. And I believe that Amy has prepared something for us. So I will hand over the reins to you. Oh my gosh.

Well, awesome. I wanted to, yeah, get a feel for getting it. So we're going to be playing D&D 5E, 5th edition rules for the main game. But for session zero, I wanted something that would be a little more simplistic that didn't make you define exactly all the stats and numbers for your character sheet. And also you are level zero. You're not level one yet. So I decided that we would play a lasers and feelings modification.

And lasers and feelings is a game that has basically like maybe two rules and two mechanics. And it's by John Harper. And it's based on the songs of the double clicks who are my friends. So it's all coming together. But first, I did want to just kind of go over what the world and, like what our goals for the storytelling actually are, because I want to also talk about where you all think that your characters might fit

and what your characters might be. What we're playing with is, or you all are playing the henchmen of a kind of cartoony villain's layer. Cartoony meaning could be Dungeons and Dragons. It is going to be very grounded, but we're going to go with more of the like, oh, you are the guys that, you know,

you go to fight the evil source, and then they just start sending you people to kind of take your number go downy as you fight. And your job is also to make their number go downy. And as you make their number go downy, then the bad guy's number go downy also. But in the grand scheme of things, the way that storytelling works is that these numbers, these hit points, kind of are just hit points. They're lackluster. They mean nothing.

They may or may not even. they definitely don't have any names. But you all are playing those people. So you do have names and you do have motivations and wants and needs. And we're just going to play with the kind of biology and the way the dungeons work, the ergonomics or lack thereof of a real dungeon and how you fit in there. So the way the first episode, not today, but the way the first episode, will start is that you've been in this world.

You're these henchmen, your minions, for lack of a better term, and you're just going about your lives, you know, marching through the dungeons or whatever. But the where we're starting is the dungeon has been overtaken. And it was, I don't know, looted. The big bad was killed and you're left with nothing. Like actually, you're, they thought they killed, they wiped the whole dungeon, you're kind of the last ones left alive.

So today we're going to be playing like, the version where you get carted in and are assigned a role. It's your first day at work. And yeah, but the world itself, we will be going out in the world. So it's not just going to be like you exploring the remnants of what the dungeon that has been decimated is like, oh, I never knew that this lover did that. Unless we all refused to me. That's true. That's true.

I forget that I'm not in charge here. But you'll be going out in the world just with your with your mindset of like, oh, this is how my world works in these very cartoony rules. And then you'll be going out in the world experiencing that maybe the world is bigger and worse off or better off than you thought. So we are henchmen for sure. And we're in a dungeon. And so where the story might take off is us either leaving the dungeon or maybe stay. in the dungeon. Is that what it sounds like is going to happen? Yeah, you'll be, you'll be, you'll be like God, God help us all. You'll be, yeah, you'll, you'll, you'll start. I haven't decided

exactly like what the story's going to be at the very, very, very beginning, but yeah, by episode two, you'll be out in the world for sure. Cool. So you'll be starting at level one on episode one. And just so, I mean, you probably already know this, but in D&D, if you're a level one character, you are an adventurer. Like you're at, you're cool. You've got. magic, you've got your skills, something happened that turned your life into something greater than other people's. So like 99% of the population are commoners slash non-combatants and then you as a level one person already, even though you're weak, weaker than other heroes, you still are a hero. So something has happened in between your first day and where you are now that's like,

oh, wait, actually, like you actually have skills. That being said, you're very low level in the, in the dungeon in Unzug is the is the is the big bad's name so you're still low low level you you actually have never really even interacted with Unzug and and you're you're still even years later after your first day you're still in the proverbial mailroom there's a hierarchy and you're still at the bottom of it fighting adventurers uh you would just be the the minions that are supposed to be killed. And how you've lasted this long is very, very important that you've lasted this long. It's kind of cool, actually. You were supposed to be dead and pummeled on the pavement, just a juicy sack of meat and flesh ages ago. Anyone have any ideas of like where they want to fit in or what

their character might be? I love affable evil. I think affable evil is super funny. So like I wanted to play kind of with the idea of there's a little bit of that like bureaucracy. of just being like a hench person, but also like, you know, one of these days, like, I'm going to get, you know, the br-like, whatever the version of the brass ring is here, probably something cursed, like, really trying to like, you know, like, you know, if they keep noticing me, you know, very much that, that scene and like coming to America, it's like, see, today, I'm washing lettuce. Like, that's kind of the attitude. Okay, aspirational. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, like, just very, like, very nice and sweet.

but it's like, yeah, no, like, evil's what I do. It's like, you know, sometimes you like, sometimes you like, sometimes you like, whatever. But, you know, I also like, like a nice cup of tea or whatever. So maybe, so like a little bit of that mixed with like maybe some, like, Michael in the good place of. I'm like a nice person. I do evil stuff, but that's like my job, you know? Cool. Like, look, heroes need to be killed.

Whatever. That's fine. They suck. Is there a race that you're thinking of? That is one thing that I will want to keep the same, like, from this game to the first game, is your race that you're. you're playing. I was thinking orc. I've never been an orc. Okay. Yeah. And keep in mind, that's a good one. If there's anything that's kind of even off the beaten path where you're like,

oh, maybe I could play a cobald or a goblin or a skeleton. Like, we can do that too. I really want to, if there's off, off the beaten path races, like I really want to picture that these minions are really like, like literally their jobs are to march. One, two, three steps, wait, two, beats. March to the left, three, two, three. Oh, oh, you know what I mean? Like, you're really, your code in a video game. Yeah. So, oh, okay.

Well, then initially, yeah. I would love to do a skeleton. I'm just thinking very like, um, exactly where I was landing. Yeah. Like stock standard like rusty iron sword, tattered male. The way I envisioned it for this, uh, first is, uh, Episode Zero is this is the first day he has been brought back to life.

And he is just thrilled about it. And he thinks that Unzug is the coolest thing since sliced bread. The power to resurrect people and command the necromanic arts. Oh, my God. What an amazing thing to do. I wonder if I could do that someday instead of just marching around with this rusty iron sword. Maybe I could trade that in for a spellbook. But now, maybe I'm thinking too far above my station.

I better really impress the boss. If I do a good job, maybe Eun-Zeg will take notice. Yes. Okay, fantastic. I love it. I love all of this. Now knowing that they're like just the henchmen that are like marching on beat and like that's all they're doing.

Initially I was thinking like of playing a tabaxy because I've never played anything like that. You know, that's like a cat person. I've never played anything like that before. But it sounds like it might be cooler to play a goblin. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just because I love the idea of like characters who, whose only purpose has been to follow orders. And now it has, like, there's a big void and they have to figure out who they are.

And so there's something about that that I want to incorporate. Like this character who's, you know, not necessarily dumb, but like quite gullible. And maybe that's how they ended up in this army in the first place, right? Yes. That's sort of where I'm inching towards right now. Okay. Okay. So if not, so someone who is just like at the outset physically looks like an evil person.

Like that would be like a goblin or skeleton. We could do undead. We could do I'm looking. I made a list. You could do like an evil beast or an imp like a fiend kind of character. Imps or cobalds messed up elementals. They have, what do they call? I can't remember.

But like mushroom myconids and. Oh yeah. Little mushroom people. Little mushroom people. They're monsters. I mean, if you have a monster manual, I might flip through. I mean, I'm down to like mess with stats and character builds for anything. But yeah, are any types like you could be a fey creature, a fey evil creature or construct.

Here's what I was thinking is you are a war forger, you are machine. Obviously, you've got, we can have you have some bionic parts too. Like back in the day you were, whatever you were, a tabaxi or something. But now you're this kind of almost a droid, like a. Star Wars droid. And what you can do is have the limbs, but you can detach them at will or crumple in a pile together and then build yourself back up. So it's kind of like almost like the skeleton. Like the skeleton can, I mean, pretty with a small like a small spell, something that's not too powerful could just be resurrected. Maybe one of you could even resurrect it. Just be like, oh my God, we've got to respawn him again. Let's wait for him to respond. You know. And just like that, you could get torn to shreds almost like C3 people. and just be like, okay, well, we're carrying him around on our backs right now, but all we have to do is go get his legs. So whenever we can connect his legs again, I like this idea that there's something

preventing you from actually dying because by all rights, after years of being in this dungeon, you should be dead. You should be so, so dead. And you're just not. Maxis have nine lives. Tabaxies have nine lives. You could be, yeah, like you could be shaped like a tabaxi, but I would want it to lean. a little bit more. Tobaxy feels, this is just my perception. They feel heroic. They feel like

adventuring heroes. And I want, I want a minion. Yeah. No, I'm absolutely down. Okay. What do you think? I like the idea of Warforged. I also like the idea of like there's something about goblin that is appealing to me too because they're just like the fodder. You know what I mean? Like in every D&D session or every game I've ever played, they're just like goblins are the first, no questions asked. you know, they're getting an axe of the face for no reason. Yeah, and they're normally gross and like have some bodily fluid coming out of something all the time. Yeah, yeah. I kind of like that because I feel like Warforged is cool, but I feel like for me, I would end up just being really risky, like in a maybe bad way.

You know, like, oh, yeah, I could just repair myself. Oh, yeah, I mean, I don't. Yeah, I will say like even. if the skeleton dies, like, I don't want it to be like, oh, we can just do to do and he's back to life. Like, there will be stakes and challenges to it. But the logic of you guys surviving for what I think is like a decade in a dungeon where you're meant to be fodder is there is something to it where it's like, oh, yeah, like there's necromantic arts maybe for the skeleton, but there's also, yeah, you're like recycled. Yeah. Like on LinkedIn, it would say the average employee.

stays here for six months. Yes. Yes. Exactly. But somehow you've like, you've continued. Defied the odds. Yeah, you've defined the odds. Exactly. I love a goblin. I love a skeleton. Danielle, you were going down a little bit of both of those paths. Do you want to, do you want to hop on board or do you want to try something else? No, I really like the skeleton because I'm just thinking like, Jason and the Argonauts just like, like, too, too, like, um, because like I just, you know, like the idea of being as part of a phalanx and being as part of like that group. And then of course, yeah, with all the fun things of like, oh, no, no, I'm just bones. How do I be less bones?

Yeah. Well, no, because like, and then that's also when you go in the real world and it's like, oh, like you're so used to fighting the big fleshy people. And when you are obviously like a skeleton, like immediately as soon as people look at you, like they want to attack you. they're drawn to attack you yeah they immediately think you're a threat you'll be dealing with some uh yeah some absolute in-world prejudice against against evil minions um which you are okay okay so if we if we have two skeletons and a goblin does that feel good or do y'all want to

like keep talking about it honestly i feel like i've had that fight where it's been two skeletons in a conflict i feel like i feel like i've been in that dungeon Yeah. Okay. Awesome. And Dan, you mentioned that you found some homebrew. Yeah, I found a cool homebrew for playing skeletons and Undeads specifically. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, cool. And then Jason, we'll work together. I think Volos has some character builds or some like how to play a PC for some monsters. Maybe goblins. I can't remember. But I think we might be all set there too. And then also, yeah, if I'm down. I'm down for home bruise.

I'm down for this also to be a game that's, I don't want to say, well, it'll be the rule of cool. It just is the rule of cool. And we're kind of, we're fudging with the normal high fantasy tropes. So that'll be fine. Is it going to gum up the works for you too much if you had, were you envisioning like three different player races? Because I'm happy to change the concept.

No, I'm not, I wasn't envisioning anything. I like literally what I was envisioning. I mean, I really was envisioning. visioning video game code where it's like like the the guys in Zelda that just march around so I mean as far as I can say I can I hadn't that other character concept I could pivot to a sort of like weird war fords with just a little bit of like biological matter left or just whatever's going to work I think this works I think it's fun I think it's fun to have one one fleshy goblin and one bony and two bony bone people I'm not going to trust us bone folks you got to go in there

Yeah, no, I think that's great. I'm very happy with it. And it does fit the bill. And I think, well, it'll be nice to have, you know, we'll have the Dan version, whatever his character is, I'll have the Danielle version of skeletons. And see that not all skeletons are the same, not even all minions are the same, not even all video game code is the same. They are all named Dan, though.

Every skeleton is named. I know. And I was saying that. I was like, oh, my gosh. Dan and Danny. Okay, cool. A very specific graveyard he robbed. Oh, this Humber looks really cool.

Yeah. I was going to say they did a good job with it and I sidebarred with another DM pal of mine. I was like, does this look broken to you in any way? The thing that he had flagged was, I think it was bone pile, which he thought was quite funny, where it's an ability where when you're reduced to zero hit points but not killed outright, you can drop to one. And in doing so, you just reduce yourself to a pile of bones and you go prone. And it's like you're under the death spell.

But you can't move or take actions other than ending that effect. You can't use it again until you finish a long rest. So it's kind of like the half-work ability where I forget what it's called, where it's like relentless endurance where if they go down to zero, they automatically go back to one hit point because they're just built forward tough. So that's definitely same vein, but it didn't seem to be overtly broken like some of the other home brew stuff I've seen out there. That's great.

That's a really, yeah, that mechanic fits in with like, yeah, video game rules where you're like, you know, yeah, I mean, I'm thinking again of Zelda where you like kill the skeleton people. Yeah. They don't hit their bone. Yeah. And they're not dead yet, but and they could just rebuild if they find their, anyway, whatever. Yeah, but that's that's a really cool mechanic. Yeah. I'm looking through this. Is there, can I throw my bones at people? Am I able to throw bones? I'll allow it. There is a rule. There is a in this, it says bone to pick. Whenever both of your hands are free,

you may choose to use a free hand and a bonus action to remove one of your hands or arms. And then it counts as a weapon. Hell yes weapon that does 1D6 bludgeoning damage. They've thought of everything. This is great. I want to know who to give credit to because this is fantastic. It's down there at the bottom.

This is Wall Rock Homebrew and it says on here design, I don't know if this is the Photoshop design or what, but I believe it's from Wall Rock Homebrew. And Jason, if you are, if the goblin doesn't have fun stuff like that, we'll come up with some mechanics. No, no, no. I love that. I honestly, I'm in love with the idea of being like a plain Jane goblin who has no idea. Basic.

Okay. You know what I mean? Like, like he should have like no advantages. You know. Yes. Yes. Awesome. Okay, cool.

I've heard the races. I've heard kind of where your mindset is, you know, the skeleton thinks that Eunzug is the best. things that sliced bread, other skeleton, Danielle, you're kind of aspirational. And, you know, this isn't forever, even though it's been a long part of your life. And then Jason, what, where's your mind at for this goblin? I think, right? I think for right now, it's goblin discovering morality. But he's like a gun, he's about to die. And yeah, doesn't, right? You know, Okay, so you're having existential crisis kind of...

Existential Crisis Goblin, first career. And for some reason, you know, maybe, you know, maybe he has all his moves. But I just love the idea of a character who can't stop falling down for no reason at all. You know, maybe he's got like, maybe he's very unlucky. Maybe he's, you know, got balance issues. But like, tripping all the time, I think is an interesting thing for, I answer. to be doing? Yes.

Yes. It's just, uh, yeah, just, uh, out of really clumsy, I guess, but I guess. Thumsy. That would be, like, anxious thing that he does. It's just false down. Manifest in Mr. Magooing his way out of, uh, human death.

Yeah, exactly. Trips, trips a trip wire, but then the blade just misses it. Yeah. Yeah. I, I love this. Jason. I want to make your existential crisis come in episode one or two or, were like at the beginning of that maybe not session zero um session zero i mean all you are just kind of

like yeah this is my lot in life you know it's kind of like you graduated from college and then you think you have to get a job like that because that's what's been told to you like that's that's what you do so wherever you're coming from that that is what happens i also like the idea of these skeletons like like having a a past actual life that you just don't know about yet or It was 100% my character concept. Okay. It's basically as long as he can remember, he's wanted to work for Unzug because he can't remember anything that happened before his bones suddenly came back to life. He's curious about it, but doesn't even know where to start looking.

But it's always like a nagging thing at the back of where his brain would be of what happened to me. How did I get here? And maybe if I learn some of the secrets that Unzug knows, if I can get to his. level, I can learn the truth. Amazing. Amazing. I also, here's a question. As far as skeletons go, skeletons mean that you are a skeleton of a creature that was once

alive. So are you human skeletons? At least in my initial sort of plotting, he has no idea. He, that's part of, he doesn't know what he was. He thinks he was a human, but he's like, I don't know, was I, was I a half elf? Would they have pointy ears? I guess they wouldn't have ear bones. That's cartilage.

but more like it's several different bone structures welded together. But in my head, I think it was ultimately going to be human. Okay. Or we could say humanoid at least. Yes. Okay, great. And Danielle, is there? Yeah, I think humanoid as well.

Just because I'm trying to think if I, because if I do other races, I think I would wind up making it a hat on a hat. Like, I just know myself. So it would wind up being like way too much. Okay, okay. So yeah, I think sticking. With humanoid is good. Okay, and then we'll get into stats, like how tall you are and just like your overall presence,

like if you're thick-boned or frail and bird-boned. Anything else that y'all want me to know or that you're thinking or any questions about the world before we get started? Are we thinking about class yet? Are we thinking, is that something? I'm, yeah, let's, maybe I'd love to hear any ideas for classes. Because, yeah, we will be playing with the D&D5E classes. I'll just say, I'm always, the way I usually approach it is I like to find out what the party needs.

And I usually try to fill that gap. So if you feel passionate about something, please go right ahead. I don't want to step on any toes. I've always, I've never done it before because it just feels so like out there, but I've always wanted to try playing an artificer. It feels so different than anything I've ever done before. And now I'm thinking the idea of a goblin with a gun is like super funny to me. Yeah.

He's got a gun. He's got a run. I mean, I like that because then it could be explained. Like if we fall apart, you at least have the artificer knowledge to maybe put us back together. Yes. Oh, yeah. I love artificers too. They're a newer class.

and I don't I've never run a game with an art of no that's not true oh my god I I ran a game for like my little nephews when they were like five and seven and eight and the five year old chose artificer and because he liked the idea of having a pet robot that would follow him around of course he did and so but he like got like he yeah it was like oh artifisters artifisters can really I mean they can be pretty powerful especially when you start yeah like messing with stuff and, uh, and creating stuff. So yeah, great. Done. Great.

Um, I was thinking because so much of this is kind of that like born, well, not sexy in this point because we're all like gross and, and minini. But like that growth, that like born sexy yesterday kind of trope of us like coming into the real world.

I think it would be really funny to like be a bard like, like trying to figure out like how to be like, um, you know, like, oh, apparently I can like, I can talk to animals or like, oh, humans play. Like, oh, when I was in the dungeon, I never played a loot. Yeah, you just, yeah, you just had to, you just had to come out of, you just had to shake things up a bit. And then you found, like, some hidden talent. Right.

And when you're constantly like being, you know, like down, not dead, but like being downed or like fighting and stuff. So yeah, so once you go into the world, it's like, oh, music, oh, I can do that. Or I've never tried that. Maybe I can, like, give that a shot. And like that can be part of the exploration of like, what does it mean to be like a person who isn't just made to collapse into bones while someone is like looking for, you know, treasure or whatever. Yes, because you're discovering like your soul. Like you have, you have a voice. Oh my God.

That's hilarious. The skeleton discovers they have a voice. Okay, great. Prepare for a lot of bad singing. I'm ready for it. Bring it up. Then we can release the original cast album. It'll be perfect.

Dan, any thoughts? So far, so far we have a lot of support characters, which I'm all about. Wow, it's crazy. We keep dying in every night. No constitution. Based on that, I think what I would opt towards is just playing off of that like Skyrim ass, like Drager. Doc skeleton, not a drogger because I hate them.

just pop out and jump scare you. Okay. That's why you just attack every corpse you see in life and in Skyrim. So I think what I would do is probably go for a fighter. So that way we have someone to be kind of like playing off the idea that, oh yeah, he's spent his time in this dungeon basically just being like, he's got a,

he's earned that rust on his iron sword. He's like been in a lot of like skeleton wars. He's just always getting sent into battle and somehow emerging. unscathed or just a little bit of skates is a treat. And I think eventually, you know, kind of want to play into that curiosity about maybe some like forbidden lore either multi-class into wizard or sorcerer or something like that or maybe look for something like I'm looking on D&D Beyond right now and looking at like maybe like an Eldridge Knight or something like that where it's lashing a little bit into spellcasting.

So it's not because I find the fighter pretty boring as like the level scales up. So having that flex ability, I think would be more. I'm so glad you said ability. Yes. Instead of just having that flex of spells. Have not flex. Yeah. That's a.

Get flex. There's no, there's no muscle matter. I like that. I like that. I like a little more, a little, starting a little more basic as well. Yeah, I mean, all of this sounds really good. I'm also, I know, Dan, you're trying to fit a hole, fill in a hole. but we don't have to fill in a hole.

Like, I am so down with everyone being a support. Greetings, adventurers. Spring has sprung here in Los Angeles, and that means it's a brief period where it's only 75 degrees instead of 95 degrees. I'll take it. And that means I've been outside a lot more.

Walking around, occasionally galloping after a toddler hopped up on juice boxes, traveling a bit. You know the vibe. And after doing some spring cleaning, my wardrobe, I got to say, looking a little bit sad. I want clothes.

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Okay. I mean, because otherwise, otherwise he would have been like wizard, like he would have to work his way up to sort of like necromancer's apprentice. But I'm happy to. I also like, I guess because you were so enamored with the necromancy, like, there could be a warlock in there too. Oh, he makes a deal with some sort of entity to be like, Unzug will never let me read his book. So I got to find my own path. Oh, what's this? What's this ruin I should touch?

Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to, like, tell you what to do. I know, but I, but like, there's part of me that's like, just, like, just to, like, choosing a fighter just to, okay, we need a tank. Like, that's so, that's so 2000s, D&D. You know, like, we might, we might, we might, I guess, you're telling me I'm 2,000 in late, Amy. I'm just saying that, like, it might, especially based on the premise, like, it might be really fun to be, to have kind of screey.

Like, yeah, not. Not the ideal party, maybe. Yeah, that's what, that's, I, I want to lean more that way. Again, I don't want to tell you what to do, but. I don't know then. I'm not, I'm not out here being like, ooh, I can kill them immediately. It's just. All wizards, no HP, can't kill them only.

Oh, my gosh. But yeah, what do you all think? Because it's going to be your party. Would you like a, would you like a tank? I love the idea that they were never meant to be an adventuring group. So it would make, to me, it would be an. that like it's like they didn't recruit like the fighter and the healer. I think it's like a hot like a bard in an artificer and like a wizard what? You know what I mean? Or like what survived magic.

Yeah it ends up being. It's like how are they going to make it? To me that's right. Right. Like they wouldn't have they wouldn't have put this party together. It's just that they were the they were the ones that survived. They survived. What do you think, Dan? I dig that. I like the idea that honestly I was I was just trying to find a way like okay, how can I ramp out of being just a fighter? But that is, yeah, I will happily be. Oh, the easiest way to ramp out of not being a fighter is to not be a fighter. Is there, so some kind of spellcaster, do you want to, do you want to hint at one or the other at the moment or just?

Yeah, I mean, I was probably leaning wizard, but let me look at, from a narrative perspective, let me do some digging and see if warlock or sorcerer makes more sense. I kind of like, if I remember properly, Sorcerer, it's a little less controlled and a little less studied. Yeah, sorcery. You're just born with it in your blood. You have dragon ancestry on some level. Even if you're a human, there's some dragon magic going on just in your blood. So you just have magic. You're right about Warlock. You make a pact with a demon and the demon is actually giving you the magic. And then, yeah, Wizard is studied through books. probably talk about this more in the character creation session too but I'm just thinking like okay there's definitely different pathways in like maybe I one day plucked up the courage to read one of Eunzug's books and accidentally summoned a demon who's power just the cure my curiosity

got the better of me but I also love I mean yeah like if you're a wizard you do have to carry around a spellbook like you do have to yeah like so this skeleton is just He's got his most important. Open my rib page like a little cabinet and keep it in there. Yeah. And also, like I'm a little curio. Yeah.

And your spellbook, I mean, since you are a minion, it doesn't have to look all or innate or whatever. Like your spell book was, it probably looks like, you know, cobbled together newspaper, parchment.

Yes. Just some spare hides. Very flammable. Yeah. Extremely flammable. Okay, great. So maybe, all right.

So we're not going to decide that yet, but you're going to be some sort of the spell castors. Great. Okay. So knowing all that, let's get started. We're going to play lasers and feelings. There is a little bit of character creation, but that won't take long. And we're playing henchmen and shenanigans.

You choose a style for your character. You will write this down, but again, I think your character sheet's going to be two words and a number. So you're going to be either beautiful, cunning, dangerous, famous, mad, or strange. And then I'll also allow anything else that you, that kind of fits in that. So this is going to be your style. Easy. Got it. What is it?

Oh, I say what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah. I think my style is definitely strange. Definitely. Hell yeah. It's strange. I don't know what metal weaver is, but that sounds dope.

You're a metal weaver, yeah. You're a metal weaver. That makes sense. An artifice or metal weaver. And then choose number two to five. Clever. Okay. Yeah, high number means high intellect, a low number means you're strong.

Oh, yeah, he's smart, a high intellect. So like a four. Four, okay. All right, I'm probably going to go with, I'm really torn with this. Again, this is session zero. So even if like where you are now, like we'll map out, you know, your wizard later on. I'll probably right now I'll go with like mad and I will go with probably berserker to start. I mean, we'll get to sorceress eventually.

but just thinking if like they've just been brought back to life and drafted into the skeleton war. Perfect. Okay, perfect. Yeah, great. This way you can be a fighter and ramp up. Yes, exactly. This is my ramp.

This is a journey. I love that. Danielle. Oh, so I think I guess I'll go, I guess I'll go beautiful since I'm going kind of Barty. So I'll do beautiful for my style. And then for my role,

ooh, that one's rough. What I think of Trader? That works? Yeah, I like Trader. A traitor is going to mean that you have some stuff. And it's not going to be good stuff. It's not going to be great stuff. But you're going to have, you know, pretty rocks.

And a lot of that's going to be like negotiating and trying to like use like brain. Yep. Yep. Okay. So, Dan, what are you thinking for your number? I'm going to go with, I was going to go three. Mac dab in the middle. Mid.

Very mid. Danielle, do you have a number in mind? Oh, high number mean Grimp, a strong break. Definitely like a, I think maybe like a four. So Jason's also a four and we've got a three. You know what? I'll go two, Amy.

I'll go two. Go two. Okay. I'm going to drop down to three because I like mechanical. I like whatever that means. Higher number, Higher number smarter, lower number stronger. I think he is smarter.

I think he is a... I think so too. Great. So we've got four, two, and four. Awesome. And now you're going to come up with a cool character name. I like my character name, but you tell me if it's too spicy for the world. Is it boner?

It's boner. It's heart boner. That's his name. Not to the bone people around him. No, it's a, I want him to be tippy. There's something... Oh, yeah. Tippy.

Let's go. Tippy is his name. We should be able to clear this with legal, just because I think it's funny of her name is busy. Oh, Tippy and busy. I love that. Busy. Are you spelling it B-U-Z, B-U-S-Y? I'm spelling it whichever way the rapper, Busybone does not spell busybone.

Okay, okay. So that we can clear it with legal. And we're going to miss that. Oh, my God. Amazing. Well, I was going to go with Tibbs, but that's too close to Tippy. I will then go with fibs short for fibbia or fibidow. He's not quite sure.

Ooh, like the fibia. Okay, great. They all sound like it. Phibs, tippy and busy. Yeah, we're the, what is it? The shoot. Oh, what are they called? Black-Ead peas.

Yes. This is black-eyed peas. You don't have to decide too much about this. We're going to be just playing what this is, but you do have a cool-looking henchman outfit. Oh, which bring me to. to my question, pronouns, pronouns for your characters. She her.

Yeah, I think she her. He him. Okay. Also, he him. So you have cool-looking henchman outfit. You may or may not, skeletons. That's up to you. With hidden pouches for chaos-inducing elements,

I will accept a ribcage. Two to three weapons, melee ranged, can be stuff he found around the dungeon or plucked from Good Guy Adventurers, and technical or magical gizmos appropriate to your role. Again, this will be, as we play, you'll just be like, I think I have this. And maybe you do, maybe you don't. There's some examples.

Everful monster feed bag, the bottled elemental farts and dungeon mushrooms. So drugs or drug adjacent things are possible here. I'll take the parts. Okay. Okay, so then there's a player goal. Oh, this is what you're all trying to impress your evil overlord employer. This is unzoat perform. Actually, it'll be someone.

else but in the name of Eun-Zug you're going to be performing menial but necessary and very important to you tasks while also getting away with as many valuables as possible and it sounds like your character goal can be ascendancy into Unz's hierarchy wealth conspired to disrupt from within plunder new worlds become a legend I would even say ascendancy in Unzog's you could even do mutiny in Unzug's realm and then revenge free your loved ones I won't I don't want you to do that one uncover secrets and lore. I guess if you want to free your loved ones, that's fine. I just...

Nah, let them rot in prison. Yeah, that seems really nice. They know what they did. Okay, cool. So maybe don't tell me what that is. Maybe just think of what that is for yourself. Those are examples you can pick whatever you want. Then we're going to play.

Okay, so here are the rules. When you do something risky and at this level, a lot is going to be risky. You're going to roll 1D6 to find out. how to find out how it goes. You get to add a dye if you are prepared and you can convince me that you're prepared to do this thing. And then you can roll another one. So a maximum of 3d6 if you're an expert. And then the number that you're trying to hit or beat or go under is the number on your, on your character sheet, which is a four or two or a four. So if you're being a myth elect, you want to roll under your number. If you're being a grim fist, you want to roll over your number.

And it is that binary and we'll decide together what that is. But if none of your dice succeed, you fail. It goes wrong. Things get worse. If one die succeeds, you barely do it, but you technically do do the thing that you're trying to do. And something negative happens on top of that. And if two dice succeed, you do it.

You do it well. Things are great. And then if three dice succeed, you get a critical success and you get like a bonus or a boon. if you roll your exact number, exactly, the gods grant you wisdom, and you can kind of like ask me something or your character gets to know something that they wouldn't know otherwise. They wouldn't just determine it. So this is kind of your chance to get a little meta if you want.

And then if someone's helping you, they also give them another dye, but we are maxing out at three. So you're either an expert or you're being helped if you have three dice. Okay, that's it. All right, ready to play. Let's do it. For the outfit stuff, the cool looking Hinchman outfit, are we deciding what that is right now? Are we telling you that? Oh, yeah.

Go ahead and tell me what it is. Sure. Yeah. I think they've turned Tippy into like a pack mule and they've loaded him up with like all, like everything. Camping supply, you know, like to like tools. Who's they? Who's they? Because this is the first day of the job.

So is, have they? Yeah. Yeah, like what his role, I guess if they're like marching and they're an army, he's like carrying the rations, other people that he doesn't use, you know what I mean? Yeah, great, great, great. Okay, cool. So he's just faddled with bags and so many things. Okay, awesome. And he's definitely not strong enough to carry this, but he's faking it.

Okay, okay. And it's a pretty top heavy too, so that adds to your. Just death stranding. Yes, yes. He's death stranding. Amazing. Okay. Cool outfit. Cool outfit. Brought loincloth. Are we doing loin cloth kind of thing? Yeah. Make it otherwise. I like fanny pack. Fanny pack situation. Goblin fanny pack. Is it covering anything or?

Like barely. Okay. Okay. Great. Skeletons are you, do you have anything cool going on? Oh, I mean, I would love to have some skeleton drip, I think I'm mostly like as naked as the day I was died. Like, I think I'm mostly like, um, a hat, a fun. Yeah, like maybe like something, um, because I don't want to do because if you do something because sometimes you'll say like the skeletons and they'll have like a T or something that like denotes that they are like a higher up skeleton.

So I don't want that. Um, because I want to make sure that it's definitely still in the world of like I am, I'm just a little henchman guy. I do. What is something? I mean, you could think like, oh, like a chain mail thing maybe. Like maybe some kind of like a chain mail like a chain mail, yeah, like a chain mail bodice. Ooh, okay.

We love. So great. Yeah, you're armored up. So that could get caught on my bones. And that's really funny. Oh, yeah, that's true actually. Yeah, your clothes are against you. Okay, cool.

Dan, anything cool? Depends on your definition of cool. he thinks it's awesome. He is wearing this just like really tattered, like kind of battle tabard that was handed to him like a penny in gym class. He has a rusty iron sword, a very beat up buckler that has a couple arrows sticking on it. And he's just really amused by like, oh, wow, I could probably hang some decorations on here. I hope I find one. But he also does, he found on the floor this sort of like,

kind of like journal and he was just fascinated by how it looked. It's empty, completely empty, but he picked it up and just is holding that with him just in case because he's like, maybe I'll need this. I don't know. I don't know anything. Okay, okay. So a dusty journal. Awesome.

So this is, since we've got our characters and you've got two skeletons and a goblin, I'm going to say what happened just before this. So first of all, we're going to open on, I'm going to part the veil of reality. and you're no longer sitting at a screen in front of two-dimensional people. You are actually squashed and smushed in a cart with bars alongside it. And you're just kind of packed in there like sardines with other stinky and drooling and farting minions. Goblins and Knowles. Some ghosts somehow made their way in there and are staying there as.

ethereal as they are. You've got some cobalds and other imps kind of in there too. No one's really attacking each other. But as far as you guys know, you were all, you were ready to die. Like this, you were in a, you were on a battlefield and it was a, it was skeletons versus goblins. And you were just fighting, you know, doing what, what you do best. And you, it's kind of cool that you're still alive. Dan, I guess fives did die. Busy, you did die as well. Tipy, you did not die, but you thought you might have. And you kind of, after the aftermath, you did just kind of hang out. You are burdened with a lot of bags.

This was your role in the goblin versus skeleton battle that happened a few days ago. And what it really happened was Eunzu's minions came and cleaned up the battlefield and just like kind of harvested the trash from the battlefield, which that's what you are and carted you away along with these other these other people these other minions that they found and you're being carted into unzug's lair and that's where we open on you're all just packed into a cart it's uncomfortable but it's not it's not unfamiliar you've been this before you've been in this situation before is there anything that you want to do technically technically the two skeletons and the goblins are like on paper your enemies. But technically everyone in the in the cart might be an enemy. Tippy's going to play dead. Tippy's going to just look around, realize that

he's with the enemies that he was probably hiding from in the field and is horrified and it's just going to be like, just pass out and pretend to be a good. I think that's risky. So I'm going to make you roll to see how you're too much. It's good. Sounds good. So walk me through this rolling system again. So I'm rolling. You roll a D6.

If you're prepared, you can roll two. If you're an expert, you can roll three. Expert in playing dead. I want to make a case that HIPI is an expert at playing dead. This is what he does. Okay. Okay.

He embraces his weaknesses. Great. So fine. I'll allow that. So roll three dice. Okay. I'm rolling 3D6 and I got a 5 of 4 and a 3, so that's 12. Yeah, so we're not adding them together what you want because I'm going to say that this is,

I'm going to say you're using your body here. So this is Grimphist because your body could betray you when you're playing dead in many different ways. So this is Grimfist. So you want to roll over your number. Your number is a four. So a five and a six would be a success. What'd you get? I got a five or four and a three.

So five maybe more. Yeah, five is a success. You just barely do it. And then the, so what actually happens is as you're playing dead, I mean, you're just passed out. You're kind of relaxing on your on your bags. But you do let out a big goblin fart. It's just unclear who it came from.

Absolutely. That's a fear of fart. I think that guy just voided his bowels. And the other thing that happens is you did get a four. So you can ask me a question and I can answer you honestly. So, okay, I can ask you a question. And is it from this list of questions or is it any question? It's kind of any question.

This is a chance for you as a player to like get a little bit meta or like have your character be a little more plugged in. Okay. So I'm looking around. Is there, can I see like if there's somebody in? charge, like who's leading, who's driving the, the, the, where, whatever we're on and, and like, who's, who's the boss here? Okay, great. Yes. So you've got, um, you've got this, it looks like a, like a stone, a stone elemental, a stone giant kind of guy. He's a big bulking guy, but as far as stone giants, you've seen them before and this one's arguably kind of small. He's like about only like

five feet tall. So kind of a kid, maybe a teenager. And he doesn't look like he's the boss, but he is, is the one carting you. Like it's just him and then, you know, like about 30 minions like yourself in this cart. So he's a hefty boy moving you along. As you look around, what you see is a kind of a desolate wasteland, black stone, remnants of lava, smoke coming up, cracks in the earth.

That's the landscape. Big, big tall mountains in the distance, all black. And where it looks like you're going is down a valley. So the walls are kind of, growing up beside you and you're going into a darker and darker and darker place. It does seem like you're heading underground. Okay, great. Okay. Dan and Danielle.

Busy is checking her bones just to make sure they're all like she's got all of them. So she's kind of doing bone inventory. Okay, great. And yeah, you're not alone. I mean, you've got a couple of other skeletons around with you. They're also looking, they're also doing inventory on their bones as well. One of them says, hey, do you want some help? You could check my bones and I could check your bones.

Yeah, no, we should totally. I will start checking your bones. Hey, you know, it's, you had some really good hustle out there, just really good hustle. You know, like I was kind of- I died immediately. Well, yeah, but that's, I mean, you got back up really fast. So that's great. Look, I just don't want to talk about it.

We might have a performance review wherever we're going. and could you just not bring up that? I'm going to lie. I'm going to say some cool stuff happened. Oh, what are you going to say happened? Well, okay. So I was thinking that I'm, you know, I was in the front lines, right? And but because I'm a skeleton, like the arrows went all the way through me.

Yeah. And they didn't actually get to me. And then I was a, look, this isn't believable. Maybe you can back me up that I tackled, I tackled the big goblin boss. Yeah. Hey, maybe do you have an arrow? We can just like put an arrow on your head or something so we could like pretend like, oh, there's the arrow. I don't have an arrow, but that guy has an arrow in his bandelier or whatever.

It's a buckler. Yeah, the buckler. Well, whatever. Like I know the names of garments. This isn't going to look good on your performance review. Well, but it could because like we're going to. I'm going to lie. I already told you I'm going to lie.

This could look great. So could I have your arrow? You want in my buckler? No, yeah, I want to have your arrow. For what purpose? To put it on my hair. I was not eavesdropping on your conversation. Oh, that's okay.

Yeah, so I'm going to lie and I'm going to take, I'm going to use your arrow and stick it through my ribs to show that nothing can get me. That sounds. This is very clever. Like a foolproof plan. and I cannot think of a more deserving candidate to have this arrow. You may take it if you can pluck it from my buckler,

not my bandelier. All right. Well, yeah, I can pluck it. So great. I've got a, yeah, so anyway, thanks, guys. I'm FRAX. I don't know if we ever got to actually meet each other before we ran into the fray.

Frags, I'm busy. You know, I work in the skeleton unit. Holy! Oh my God. Holy Sundari. That smells like the deepest butthole of the largest elemental giant I've ever seen in my life. What is? The honest. Was it you? I don't, I don't think I can, I don't think fart. I think air just goes through me all the time. I think air is just constantly going to. No, that's a myth. Skelitons can fart. That's a myth. I've raised, I've raised that it would just legally be considered that because the gaseous massiest matter. is passing through you and out your sphincta or what remains of it.

Wait, what? Sorry. It's like, like Vizzi was saying, the gas passes through the bones. So it looks like it's us, but it was not us. Oh, wait, so I think someone's setting us up. Trying not to fart again. Oh, yeah, Tibby, you're trying not to fart again. Tibby is really trying to fight again.

I think you're going to need to roll for that. An expert. No, you're not an expert and not farted. All right. One D6. And I got a one. Wait, you might actually do it because that's, no, you do. You want to roll over your number. This is grim fist. And you're grim fisting your sphincter. It's just not working. So yeah. So it did not. It goes wrong. Okay. So actually, all this talk of farting makes you, makes your body just like react. And it is trumpeting for a while. And since all these skeletons are like obsessed with it now, they're digging through and finding it. And they find you. They find you as the source of this horrible smell. Bibbs walks over and posts.

There's no walking. So you are like you're starting, but you can dig. Like you're digging through. Yeah, you're digging through a pile of bodies. Wishing you could be there live for the big game. soaking up the atmosphere of the crowd but too often life gets busy or the price hold you back

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to be dead. It rolls over, like, even like pretends to, like, die again. Like, oh, my God. Oh, this is tragic. Busy starts, like, going through, oh, I think it was, I think that that's that thing where you die and you fart as you're dying. That's a death fart. That's the soul escaping the body, I'm pretty sure.

Yeah. Oh, okay. So the goblin's dead? I think so. Okay, great. Tibby, like just pokes. Pokes Tippy. Phibbs opens in one of the eyes.

You see anything in there? Can Tippy roll to try to not react? Yes, yes, yes. Tippy's not an, I don't know if Tippy's an expert at this. I don't think Tippy's ever been. No, I don't think so. And you're not prepared either. So one, I rolled a six.

Oh, okay. Yeah, you're able to play dead with the best of them. And you're being poked and prodded and you still look dead. So as far as everyone's concerned, you're dead. I've never, as an animated skeleton, I've never seen someone who is more dead than this person right here. Yeah. Also, I believe him. Yeah, kind of an expert, kind of an expert in death.

Oh, it's normally I'm used to seeing. them die on the battlefield, not just like right here on the way home. Should we say something like nice about, you know, like, hey, here lies this goblin. I hope. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? If Eun-Zug and his minions saw us burying the dead, do you know how fast we'd be kicked out and we wouldn't have jobs anymore? Are you kidding? Okay, so, oh, bury. Who's talking? This is just saying twice. Oh, yeah. Well, same thing. like being nice. Oh, we've just, we would never, we would never work again in this entire world.

Oh, you're right. You know, okay, then we'll just say mean things. You, I, I bet you stunk just as much in life as you did in death. That was good. That was good. Yeah. Okay. So you're, yeah, so you're, you're rolling in and you get into, everyone gets into the, this

cavern, this like deep, dark, dripping cavern. And the, the air gets musty. It's harder to breathe. And it's very sulfuric. It's worse than the fart. So don't even worry about it anymore. Tippy. But what you see is like this vast, this vast room.

And it's definitely a torture chamber. So there's there's, and it's deep under the mountain. There's like a pool. There's a pool of lava over in the corner. People seem to be, or yeah, goblins seem to be forging stuff there. There's humanoid's racked up along the wall. with shackles. There's blood and weird bodily fluids kind of everywhere.

And you're carted in and dumped. So the the elemental who's been carrying you just dumps, lifts up the cart and you're all dumped out into a pile about 30 of you. And right in front of this teeny tiny mimic chest, like a little chest. And the element, Mental just kind of like shakes the cart. He's a big guy and you all just tumble out.

And then he leaves and goes back out. And as he leaves, the rock closure kind of closes. And you're locked in there. As the mimic, you know, kind of hops and scans and says, telepathically communicates to, to each of you, you don't know if it's to the whole group, but this young, this kind of young kids voice like, okay. Um, you, you and you. And not really mentioning, it doesn't feel like, uh, he's talking to either, any of you guys.

There's, there's three cobalds that dig themselves out of the pile and they go off. The telepathy stops in your brain. And you see the cobalds go and they nod and they run off. And as they leave, there's this opening into what seems like a big tunnel system. And they jump up and, and. tap this, it's carved in blue and it says terror and they tap it and they run, they run away. As you hear them running away and nothing's really happening. Maybe you're getting yourselves together. You hear a big booming voice that says, for no, I smite. And you hear what has to be

the Cobold's screaming. And then within 30 seconds, you hear a voice say, well, oh, good job, everybody. And it does seem to be coming from the depths of the tavern of the tunnel system, but you're putting together that there are some adventurers in this tunnel system. You can tell the mimics waiting to hear people die and he's just sitting there. And as soon as they do die, he kind of looks back to the group. Oh, that didn't seem to go very well for them. Um, uh, busy is saying that that, that didn't seem to go very well. Busy likes, hmm, that's really hard. because Busy wants to get the adventurers, but also wants to live. But that's the job.

So Busy's like, I want to, the way to impress Unzug is for me to volunteer. So Busy's going to volunteer. Excuse me, child box voice. I don't know if I'm supposed to speak out loud or if this is in my head. Do we need to go in there? Should we be fighting? You answer to me. And yes, eventually all of you will go forth.

be fodder for these adventurers. We are here at Eun-ZUx Lair are very committed to providing a experience for the good people, the good aligned who come in here, and we're committed to giving them a quite evil experience. They're just at the beginning of our lair here, so thank you all for joining us. Yes, you are important to the entire plan. And as he's talking, you can see that there's this parchment that has like a list written on it, flapping from the chest opening. So actually he is communicating.

So that was it telepathically. But when you spoke to him, he actually started flapping his chest. And he's speaking out loud now. And kind of just hanging out is this list that he's got. I'll be assigning you group by group to go and do your worst to those, to whoever's in our dungeon. I have a clarifying question. You said do your worst, but you're also trying to provide an experience to the good aligned people here. Do you mean that we should not actually do our best and not try to stop them? In fact, do our worst possible job and just let them trounce us, like sort of...

Ha ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! I'm laughing, because you, you... You think that you doing your best has any chance of surviving? No, you were dug up as trash from a battlefield to die again. You're a box with a tongue. I think that we both have unique properties that make us valuable individuals. Okay, we're just going to have to fundamentally disagree. Oh, man. I'm not off to a good start.

Tippy hears the box say that. And Tippy now wide-eyed, terrified. is there like is it well like could you describe the room to us like are we on like a pile of other like trash like goblin and bones or like what like what is the room that we're the room okay so the room is vast so i would say it's like a circumference uh sorry a diameter of maybe 100 feet and you you kind it's like a circular maybe ovular and you have come in from one side of it been dumped on not right in middle, but towards the middle. And then around you are humanoid shackled on the walls, torture chambers, torture racks. You've got like a little tiny, a little bitty forge over

towards one side. And then kind of straight through where you got dumped is the, the entrance to the rest of the tunnel system. TIPP wants to, because he's now so scared out of his mind, in the room with two skeletons, there's a talking box, and it's saying that he's destined to die for this cause. And Tippy wants to run to the back. I will stealthily move to the back and pretend that he's hanging from the torture chains or whatever. But like not actually. You know, he's just like leaning up against what's already there. Okay.

That he's just, you know, the background. Okay. Yeah. So awesome. So as you go and do that, you see that like these people aren't just hanging there. They're also being poked and prodded by by other goblins. Like there are people, you know, fucking with them. Also, goblins doing it.

It's goblins doing the poking. Yeah, yeah. And the other ones, I mean, they're humanoids. They're more like adventures. Like they're halflings and elves and humans and half-words. Oh, got it. Tipi is then, so I changed what I want to do it. So knowing that it's other goblins.

Yeah, sorry. The people. Tippy's going to go in and also poke the people like he's supposed to be there. Oh, okay, great. So this is, I would say this is using your mind. So let's do that. Let's roll for mythelect. Myth elect.

Okay. And Tippy, I don't think is prepared because. Yeah, you're about fitting in. Yeah. Tippy rolls a four. A four. Okay. So you get some wisdom, but you do not.

succeed. Okay. So what do you do? Tell me what you do. So in Tippy's mind, Tipy is stealthily like hugging the wall like a spy and then. Okay, but you also have like a massive amount of baggage. Yes. Yes. I mean, this is just in his mind. He's he's spy mode mission impossible and he's now in his mind stealthily and smoothly moving to one of the the bodies. the people being tortured and he's poking it with like something that wouldn't even hurt like he has I think he has a boomerang

so he's tapping the guy with his with his boomerang. Okay yeah and looking around frantically Yeah and this isn't a This isn't a quiet dungeon like you can hear the people screaming but also there's like screaming and torture being done and here too part of the reason that the

the chest is communicating telepathically is because it is so loud But yeah So you're near You're near, the first thing that you come upon is a dwarf, a dwarf being shackled and poked at by two goblins. And you just kind of sidle up. And I mean, you start, I mean, you're bad at it. Like, you're half-assed. You're phoning it in. Your boomerangs just kind of getting them right where it doesn't even hurt him, you know, it's like on some squishy parts, but that's about it.

And you're like, I mean, do you say anything? Yeah, to be, does the dwarf, is the dwarf looking at him? Yeah, the dwarf's like crying and being like, I have a family. Someone help me, help me. Radar! Radar, are you here? Stop. Just, just, look, you just pretend. I'm not really going to hurt you.

Just pretend. If you pretend, and I pretend, we're all going to get out of this. It's just fine. So just, and then, like, I'm poking him. Just go with it, dude. Come on. Okay. So, so the two, there were two goblins nearby poking a, poking a,

in my mind they're just poking they're not they're not making them they're poking them with these like blunt spears um they're not making anyone bleed but it's just like sharp sharp punches uh i guess some of the rods do have some electrical energy in them but these don't they're just being poached so these two gobbins um are kind of making their way down and they they see you um i don't know have have a conversation and they're like Hi, hi. Why do you get out of here? Hey, hey, hey, band.

I'm just doing my job like you. No, you're not. There's a protocol. It's my first day. No, it's not. You're not even part of the crew. You don't even have, you don't even have the evil armband yet. Oh, my gosh, Mandy.

Menzzie, Menzzi, get up. And the chest who's been talking to the skeletons is like, um, okay guys, hold on one second, I've got to go, hold on. Actually, you, you and you, get after it. And doesn't actually pick you yet skeletons. They pick this group of two wormlings, two knolls and a different skeleton. Oh, fracks, your friend, fracks. They're gone.

So they tap the blue painted terror on the top and they're out of there. You do. Sorry. You do see that your farting goblin friend from the cart is alive and, you know, causing some fckery. Oh, my God, it's a miracle. as the mimic makes his way over there. So you can, yeah, do whatever you want. But the mimic makes his way over there.

This is Mimsy, who the other goblin was calling after. And Mimsy comes and goes, you're supposed to be in the pile. Who? The Dorf? Yeah, you're supposed to be in the pile. No, no, give me that. And he like grabs your boomerang and tosses it somewhere else. It tosses it away.

Does it come back? It's like, what's bad? It goes bad. But it hits you. It hits you. It hits you bonk in the head and you get a big bruise. I fart as I get bonk this. Okay.

So, so he says, you're out of order already? Are you? Okay. Okay, that's it. Shackle him up. Tipi's still, still desperately trying to somehow lie as well. of a situation is also yelling shackle him up but like okay are you is that meant to do something i don't you tell me no because i was like yeah i mean i can make you roll for it but yeah i don't

i don't think that i think that they yeah so they're yelling shackle him up shackle him up and they grab you and you're yelling shackle him up shackle him up and you're just like kind of accepting uh your lot They are, they clamp one, one shackle on your wrist. Dan and Danielle, are you doing anything? Yeah. And I think I, I think a voice just clicked, so I might try a voice here. We'll see what happens. So Busy sees, sees all this happening.

And Busy's not the smartest. And he just goes, you have to stop. He wanted so badly to help that he came back alive from the dead. He came back alive from the dead just to torture. You can't shackle him up. He can't, he was dead and fought. And right, he was dead and fought. And we all saw it.

It's a necromantic miracle. Oh, okay. Great. Roll a myth elect. And it seems like, it seems like Fibbs is helping you too. So, yeah, this is a full on deception. And I rolled one, which for. Plus one dice for me helping.

Yes, you get another die. Oh. And that's a three on me second die. Okay, so Mithelect, you want to roll under your number. Under, yeah. So you got two? Yeah. Oh, I wrote a one and then a three.

That's perfect. Yeah, both of the dice are under. And so that means you succeed twice. You have two dice that succeed. And so, yeah, Mimsy goes, what? You came back to life to fight with Eun-Zub and terrorize the world under Eun-Zug's name? That's right.

Yeah, uh-huh. Well, wow, that's amazing. What's your favorite quality of Eun-ZUG? The, and Tippy looks around, looks at the wall, looks at the blue sign and goes, terror. Well, that's, yes, that's our motto. That's what, that's our way of being. That's our authentic code here. Get him out of there.

Get him out of there. You, my friend, are about to attack some adventurers and really let loose. We're going to take your entire belongings, though. Get him out of that. So they shake you out of your backpacks. Got it. Got it. Okay.

But my attack, you know, in the army I was from, all I did was like repair shields and like hand people spears and collect daggers and stuff. And that's not very terrorizing, is it? I do it scary, though. I do it scary. Okay, well, yeah, I hesitate to believe you. By like attack, that's like, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get out there.

I'm going to, you know, hand whoever is, got good aim, a spear, and, you know, do my part and the terror. Yes, you are. Yes, you are because I said so. And I'm the boss down here. So you, you, and you. And now it's you. It's, yeah, it's Tippy, Phibs, and busy, who he's. chosen and says, go attack those adventurers.

Okay. Wait, where? All right, we got this. Attacking is the name and adventurers are the game. That's right. Yeah, you're the, this group of people has talked more than any of the other ones. They all just seem to know. It's like this is, have you never been in a dungeon before?

Have you never had this job before? I honestly could not tell you. I do not remember. I just awoke one day. And I was a skeleton. And so it just seemed right that I should be attacking people. But I don't recall having been here before. If I have been, it's good to see you.

Mimsy, I believe you said your name was. Yes, Mimsy. All right. Well, Mimsy, the pleasure is and remains mine. Pleasure. Yeah, he sticks out his tongue to shake your hand. I shake his tongue. I'm not touching that.

Phibbs takes off his arm and extends it. Oh. the tongue and he walks out and reaches it to hit the terror above the doors. He looked out to go fight the adventurers. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I try to stop Phibbs. I'm like, listen, I don't know why you Skellies are being nice to a goblin like me. Because out there, you guys are doing all sorts of crazy stuff, ripping our guts out,

while sinking arrows into us, like pincushions. I had one of your arrows in my butt club, but I guess. gave it away to a random person I just met. I'm just saying, let's go out there. Let's attack the adventurers. Let's get out of years. Let's do. Great.

Let's go out there and let's attack the adventurers. Let's do our worst or our best. I'm still unclear. Yes. Okay. You know what? You guys attack the adventures. I'll help you from the back.

That sounds perfect. I'm more of a frontline guy anyway. I love. You keep doing this little thing with your hands. what what things you keep doing this little thing what's the thing with your fingers it's like

what okay you know what you guys attack I'll help if you need a spear I'll hand you well they took my spears you know

I'll just support from the back see that thing you keep that back we're gonna go and attack yeah you'll be in the back it's a goblin thing it's a different culture

we wouldn't understand As you were doing that, you did hear, you did hear, ah, ha, now you see me, now you don't. And then the skeletons who ran past before and the other, you all hear them all scream. You hear a crunch of bones as everything, as they all fall down. It is in the depths, but you can kind of hear where it's coming from. But the other crew has, you're pretty sure has perished as well. Oh. Well, that doesn't bode well.

Anyway. And we're running and we're going and we're attacking or else I will get Eun-Zuc to smite you down and we'll just throw you into the fire. That sounds unpleasant. No, don't tell Un-sook. I will run. Yeah. Busy just goes headlong. Busy takes off one of her bones and is like, rah, like charging with it like a weapon.

Okay, perfect. Yeah, yeah. Tipy is trying to catch up being like, like, don't leave me be bi-eyed and like running as fast. as you can. Okay, awesome. Let's see if you can find these people. So everyone roll, everyone roll a myth elect. And you're trying to roll low. I rolled four. Roll the five. I rolled a three. But that is my number. Okay, Dan, Dan's the only one who succeeded. But Danielle, you are a four, so you get to ask a question. Oh, just ask a question. And so we are looking for the heroes now. Yeah, you're looking for the adventurers, yeah.

The adventurers. Okay, so yeah, that would be which way, what's the, what's the best way to get to the adventurers, I think? Okay, so that was the role that you were trying to see if you could find out. That's why I'm trying to be sneaky. Yeah, yeah, but is there, is there, I mean, you don't have to ask it now. Maybe you can ask it later, save, but is there something about the world or what's going on with your characters that you want to know? Oh, yeah. One of them is like, what should I be on the?

look out for how can we get them to do something um what kind of what kind of uh what who is making up the class of heroes like what kind of uh what's the team made up of okay you have heard you have heard voices you've heard four different voices um obviously one one was a paladin one was a rogue a druid and a wizard and they there's four there's four of them um you've got a gnome and alpha human and a halfling okay You just knew that. Okay, great. No mouth, human half thing.

Okay, perfect. That is an amazing level of auditory intuition. I am... I'm really good at human good. But, Dan, you're the only one who even kind of knows where to go. I guess the caveat is that along the way, you're just spent because you've, like, you've been kind of corralling, like, everyone, you're, you're, going like everyone's going to the like maybe they're going to the right and you're like no no come

come back to this way oh no they're going to the left and so but you're running because you're scared of what would happen if mimsy caught up with you and you're so you're you're just really really exhausted which means that I guess for this next part not nothing about this is going to be you're not going to be able to be prepared all right they're definitely this way just a couple more hundred yards and maybe a couple left and rights but I'm positive it's this direction. Just keep going. You do hear them talk to each other and you hear them say, well, are we closer to Eun-ZUgh and destroying that madman? Well, I don't know. I mean, we did give a lot. I don't know about you, but we've just defeated many foes, and I'd like a rest. Oh, yes, I think

that would do us nicely. I could actually meditate for a while. Well, then it would be my pleasure to take the first watch. And you hear them kind of abandoned where they are. Now, you are getting close. So what do you do? Ooh. So Busy wants to start tiptoeing and see if we can get him with the element of surprise

when they're knackered out. Okay. So yeah, Busy just starts like, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, yeah, sneak, sneak. Make a grim fist roll. Okay. Experience a membership that backs what you're building with American Express Business Platinum.

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Those 10 blocks, they could be the best part of your day. Your life deserves music. Your music deserves Bose. Find your perfect product at Bose.com. The first. Five. A five, and I think you do want to roll high for this, so you do succeed. You are successfully able to...

sneak your bones closer. Sneak, sneak, sneak. Hey, maybe if we get them while they're surprised, then they won't even know that was coming. And yeah, so you're getting closer. And what you see is they're kind of sloughing off, you know, like this is just a party kind of opening doors, listening and trying to find a corner.

So it's pretty quiet out here. I've got an idea. I'm going to throw my arm down the hallway to distract them. No, don't do that. I'm going to do it. Don't do it. He's going to do it, though? Why not?

Well, hear it. What are you talking about? Yes. And who would look at this direction? It's called a gambit. I read about it once in this old journal I found. You know what? Yeah.

You should do that. You know what? Right. Yeah. I'm going to do it. Do it. So. So I sheathe my sword and buckler to rip off one of my arms and get ready to hurl it down the hallway, ideally to create a distraction.

Okay. I think you're just able to do that. I don't see why. I don't think, I mean, it's risky, but not in the way that you wouldn't be able to do it. So you are able to do it. It does cause a distraction. These adventurers go, well, I'm saying. Danielle, you're close enough to see that they have stopped.

moving and they're kind of looking around and they're checking their six now. You succeeded. So I think they're not able to see you. But yeah, I mean, they see the skeleton arm and they at first back up. But the road goes, huh, this is interesting? And picks it up and it kind of examines it. Where did this come from? Can I control my limb?

Yes. I'm going to. I'd poke out his eyes. Awesome. Okay, so you poke out, she's holding, this halfling is holding your arm, and the arm just going to go, but then, borg, borg, borg. And, and, okay, Grimphus, let's see if that works. That is a six.

That works. That very, very much works. You barely manage it. And that's a great attack. you've taken her unawares and she's like ah, and she throws it she like throws it

against the wall and one of the bones in the forearm breaks off and but she's like run, run, they're coming after us but it's not like any attack

we've ever seen. Much stupider. And so the halflings off the paladin kind of stays where he isn't like a skeletal arm. I feel like I have seen this before. The rogue and the druid are off running.

And so is the wizard, actually, the gnome. But the human paladin is kind of examining. Actually, you know what? What do you do, Tipy? First off, does fibs, do you still have an arrow in your buckler or no? No, I gave. Didn't you have two? I had two.

So there's one left. I gave one to Fargus? What was the name? PRAX. PRAX. Give me the arrow. I need the arrow. All right.

It is yours. If you can pluck it from mine buckler, a test of might. Yeah, Tippy tries to pull the arrow out of the bow. It comes out very easily. You pull the air out of the buckler. Tippy breaks off the tip of the spear, throws it aside, takes the arrow shaft, and just puts it in his chest, and it falls backwards. Oh, my God. Wait, you've been death again?

A thousand percent. Okay, you're an expert. Let's do it. It's so sad to see he had so much to live for. All right. I rolled a two and a three. A two and a three and a grim fist, you do want to roll over your number.

All of your friends see this happening. And you're a bad, you're bad at acting. You literally are like, oh, no. And pass out. And yeah, you, you, all know that he's not dead. Anyone who ran across you would know that you're not actually dead either.

I assume there's a second part to your plan. You're holding, you're literally holding the arrow shaft like here on your chest as you're on, as you're on your back. I don't. Go fight him. Since everybody's being tricky today and everybody's trying to deceive, but he's like,

I can deceive people too. So Busy's like, look, you, uh, hello, Oh, thank you for coming to our dungeon. We wanted to surprise you with this gift of a dead goblin. Oh, my God. Okay. So, yeah, you're, so the paladin is right there. And you're talking to the paladin.

Yeah, and just being like, Tippy is very obviously, like, not dead. Just be like, look, we shot this goblin for you. It is our gift. So what are you trying to do? You're trying to like just deception. Deception. Deception. Yeah, we get his feet out from under him.

All right. So roll a myth elect. So do it. Two. And you do. You want to roll under your number you did? Yeah, great. So he's like, you brought a gift for us.

Yeah, we brought you this dead goblin. Instead of killing, instead of fighting against us, are you, do you work for Eun-ZUG? We, we have seen the era of our ways. Busy's like trying to like signal that like this would be the moment to. to like attack while I'm like distracting them. Okay. Great. And so the paladin, I mean, believes you.

And it's like, oh, I see. And you have decided to become good as a skeleton. Would you like to, I mean, we can take you, we can give you redemption. I can give you redemption for Ano. Yeah, I want to be redeemed in whatever. Yes. And I would like to give you this gift of a rusty iron sword, stag. Okay, so you try to stab this paladin.

Yeah, with one arm. So roll one die and this is a grim fist. You want to roll high? That's a one. Okay. Okay. So yeah, you just kind of lean it out and you're going to try to stab him, but it doesn't work.

He's got, you know, a bunch of armor on. And he just, no, no, it's okay. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry, you don't have to, I'll just take. If you want to give me the sword, just take it. Thank you so much. Thank you for that and thank you for the goblin gift. And I don't believe in indentured servitude. That goblin is obviously alive. So if you're giving me

a gift of the goblin, I will refuse, but I'm really down. You can pay him. It doesn't have to be indentured servitude. Okay. I know you guys don't really pay taxes. Where is my? Yeah, my party just, you know, they scurried off at the sight of an unattached arm, which I'm assuming is yours, sir. Yeah, that's not. And you know what? I don't want the goblin gift unless he also wants redemption. But if you want redemption, we can pray to my deity, Ano, and you shall have it.

I want redemption. What? Oh, I'm alive. Yes, I knew. Did your deity do this? Is that a miracle? I think you... It's a miracle.

No, my deity did not do this. You were never dead, and I could see that. It kind of makes you not really believe in your deity, huh? Maybe you're having a crisis of faith. Okay, interesting. I'm sorry, do you want to follow with me and we can go get you redeemed and perform the ritual of conversion to worship Ano instead of Eun-ZUG? What if we say no?

Well, that's always an option. I don't want to speak for everybody. I'm just curious. I don't know my options. Right. I'm going to, this is, I'm actually becoming attached to you right now. I find you incredibly adorable, if I'm honest. You especially, you skeleton, it's just like, wow, who knew skeletons could be cute?

I will say, when my party is, we're about to take a rest and we've got some interpersonal things to hash out. That's the best time for that kind of scene work to unfold. Right. Well, we haven't really been able to talk yet, and the halfling and I have a past. You have a past?

I don't. I don't think we have that, yeah. Well, then you understand this is, this is, this is just a lot right now. I think I have a bigger priority to my party member. We're going to talk about how. And where is your party? Yeah, I'm going to go fine. They, I think they ducked into the

nearest room. You're alone. Yep. Right. I apologize. I may have done some permanent ocular damage to your party member. Oh, yes, that was her. That's the one that we're going to, I'm in a need to have a conversation. Did you tell them where you were going before you? No, I didn't go anywhere. I stayed here. I was looking at the, I was looking at the, I was looking at the, the skeleton arm that was poking that was poking my friend's eye out my friend oh that's what we're talking about to be on oh oh no my god i want to hear all about it yes i know but you are you all are just very confusing to me and i i think i'm going to bid ad you and uh maybe perhaps i'll see you later on in the dungeon but i i don't feel equipped mentally or physically to um attack you

right now. And it seems as though this one particularly doesn't want to fight me. You want to bring me gifts. It also doesn't seem like you want redemption. So I know one thing that I do want. It is for my halfling friend to marry me. And I'm going to prioritize that. I have a quick question. Have you, you've been slaying things out in this dungeon. Have you been slaying skeletons or goblins? Yes. Like a lot? Yes. I looked to Fibbs and I looked at busy and I try to give them like, can, can I have my sword back. You probably won't need a sword way or deal them with all your relationship problems.

I don't think that. I knew you can, you can't cut through the tension with this. Pretty rusty. No, I'm not going to give you your sword back. It was a gift. And did you know which way it was like out? Oh, yes, we're very near the entrance, as it turns out. While this is happening, I want to see if I can have my arm crawl back and just kind of like, I don't know if he's wearing like grieves or boots, but if there's boots, I'd like to untie the laces and like tight. Okay. Okay. Awesome. I don't know if I can do that, but.

Yes, I think you can. We'll do this as a grim fist. Yeah, go ahead. And I want, there's something I want to do immediately as I know, if I notice the, the, the, the, the, the shoelaces being untied. Okay. Let's just, I roll a one. Okay. Yeah, you don't, you don't, you don't, you're not able to do that.

So you, the, the, the arm is kind of like crawling over to his boots and it starts, like, messing with the shoelaces. He, he just is like, ah, ah, and like, kind of steps on it. Oh, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, you lose some of the bones in your hand. My bones. About five of them. You're going to need to collect those plus the other broken. Yeah, the other broken bone.

So yeah, you definitely got a maimed arm at this point. And he says, okay, okay, what do you want? Do you want, I just, I can't figure this out. You want me to, do you want me to get my party back here? We're very low on hip points, very low on spell slots. I'm just trying to rest and you all seem to want to join our party or not. Oh, you're very low on hip points and you're very lows. You need to, mm-hmm.

Well, I think the best thing that we could do is if you give us back the sword, then we can watch your backs while you sleep. No, the sword, look, I know enough about skeletons and goblins, and I'm not going to give you back a sword. Now, I'm, but what I am going to do is walk away from this entire situation. Well, what do you know? And as I guess I can't. But you know so much about us.

As I tried to get this paladin and explain themselves, I want to sneakily with my little goblin toes, get my piggies over to his shoe laces, untie the shoes after the failed attempt. Everyone knows they have prehensile toes. Okay. I'm going to call them my goblin toes. Grimfish roll high. He rolled a one. Yeah. Okay.

So that doesn't happen either. Look, what does happen. So you're kind of like sneaking. Everyone's, everyone's messing with his feet. He's like, you guys are gross. You guys are so gross. I can't do this anymore. Neferial, get back here.

I can't. Hold on, hold on, two panicking now, panicking because he's so scared, panicking now. He goes, two words. What? Terror. And I try to pick the paladin right in the crotch. Okay.

Awesome. Yeah, Grimfest. Five. So he's calling out for his party. And as you, no, fair, ooh! And he gets, he gets hit right in the crotch with your goblin toes. This, this, yeah, he does have low hit points. So what are the other two? He crumbles over and he says, no, today, for, I know, for ano, for no.

And he raises his arm like he's going to call forth a power. What do you do? Tipy wants to rear back for another nut kick, but I'll leave the rest to my party members. I grab his arm and try to yank to see if it comes off like mine do. Okay. Awesome. Danielle? Yeah.

Take one of my arm bones and try to see if I can like use my arm around like his neck to like choke him out. Okay. Or maybe not my arm bone because I want that. So I'll take off which book. Take off one of my ribs. like one of my rib bones and then like use that for like tension to see if I can like so that he can stop like to to stop the talking yeah everyone roll a grim fist we want to roll over six nice five yes six yes yes okay so he's he's oh no ono smites these evil beings and just then

the skeleton with one arm grabs his arm rips it off uh His crotch is burning. Busy is able to choke him, to choke his throat. He's gasping for air. And meanwhile, sorry, Jason, Tippy. Tippy is viciously and maliciously just kicking the nuts. Kicking the nuts forever. Okay.

And without like too much pomp and circumstance, you're able to kill him. Like he's dead. He's dead. He's dead. Are all? Am I just really stronger through all arms? just come off like that. Yeah.

They come off, just come off like that. He must have had a preexisting condition, not coming out of insurance. As far as you know, you can't hear the other party members. Yeah, what do you want to do? What's he got out of? Take his stuff. Oh, yeah, we got to start looting.

So, okay, you start, yeah, you start looting. You find his sword. You find his relic that he wears around his neck. He finds some gold. And just as you are looting him, Mimsy starts hopping up behind you and go, here you are. It took so long.

We've been waiting to hear the screams of your unobliterated death for a really long time. You killed? Surprise. You killed an adventurer? Yeah. You said, do your worst or our best? That wasn't supposed to happen.

Okay, that motivational sign really did something. I said terror before we took them out. I said it. I said out loud. You guys, I said it. It said it. True. He did.

I did feel good when I slapped the thing in there. Okay, come. All right. Come back with me or I'll kill you. And we will get you all set up for for minionhood. It sounds great. And I pick up the paladin's arm and put it inside of Memsey because it seems like the right thing to do. Okay.

Yeah. And it's it's kind of bleeding all over his list. And it's the arm itself is bigger than Memsey. Mimsie's, you know, a little... Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have great... I don't have great spatial relations. Right.

Well, he's happy to accept it. And he says, and now, and anything else you looted from him, we'll take that back with us, too, because it goes into the armory and the treasury, and it's for the collective, the good of all, for Eunzug's minions. Wow. A socialist paradise. You guys love a pile here. He takes you back and you follow him.

And he says, and here in this room, You can have any spot on the floor that you like. He takes his mouth and he starts, he uses a tooth that he's got and he uses it like chalk on the ground to carve and actually. You could, you could have a space here. This could be your space. And he hops over closer to the terror racks, torture racks. And he uses his tooth like chalk again and marks an X. And you can have a spot here and you can have a spot here.

And you look around and you see that there are lots of little Xs are on the ground. and some of them have little trinkets and rocks and leather, some things in vials. And it looks like you've been assigned your bunks, which is just a spot on the floor. Wow. A spot of my own, just like I always imagine. It's so opulent. I never dreamed of having such consideration. Thank you so much.

Yeah, congratulations. So we'll just be getting started here in a bit. I'm going to send some other people after these adventurers. We don't want to kill all of them right away. And it seems like you can handle yourself. So busy, you're going to be assigned to move that pile of rocks from there all the way to there. They're just like three feet apart.

So you're just going to be moving rocks, okay? You, you, fibs, you're going to be, you're actually, we're going to give you this pickax. There's no gems. There's no metallic veins of any sort. There's nothing to mine for. But you are going to mind this wall. Just come over here and you're going to. beat, take off little chunks of this wall, okay?

Okay. And you join, you join a bunch of, you join like two other cobalds who are also doing the same thing pretty happily. And you, Tippy, you're going to, we're going to take you into this room. It seems like you actually need a little bit of help. This is the practice room. We're going to practice running away, screaming, taunting, terrorizing. And more than anything else, we're going to train you to suppress all of your instincts.

Well, suppressed by instincts. Yes. Oh. But we're not going to die, right? Probably eventually you will die, but. Oh, yeah, everybody dies eventually, but like we're not going to die. Today, no. Okay.

Well, that's good. Yeah. Cool. Could I be a side? I have a question. I'll put my hand up. Yes. Could I be assigned like on like a guard, like guard duty, like where the exit or the door is to the outside?

I love the initiative. those are for some higher up minions. And right now, you, you need to, you need practice. It's very clear. How come I need practice and those guys get to hit, hit walls and stuff? I mean, do you want me to say it? Yeah, say it. Say it. What? I don't get it. You, you're, you're fun. It's surprising that you survived this first challenge. You are objectively inept.

I'm sorry Bad guys won Paladin dead So I don't think we're enapped I think we're actually pretty cool right Right guys We're pretty cool but I'm also really happy Just moving the shiny rocks

And Viz it just starts like taking a rocks Moves it over there and it's like And then takes the rocks and then moves it back And then takes the rocks and then moves it back again I get a preposition for you You know Do an orientation for all of these guys and skeletons, it's got to be a lot of work and it's got to be overwhelming for one mimic, right?

Wow. Thank you for seeing me. What if you had a goblin assistant? Were you supposed to be invisible? Oh. I was confused because you could talk in my brain before. Oh, I can do, yes, I can do both. And I guess what I mean is thank you for, no one's ever understood how hard I

work. I don't sleep. I only sleep when I'm supposed to be sleeping in a room. I could do your job and maybe you could like take us, you know, a little rest. Take a little sleepy sleep. I really like the idea of that. I also, I need you to understand that I have practiced in the practice room suppressing my own instincts for a, for many years before I was elevated to this role. I can suppress my instincts. Tippy wants to. to do a deception on Mimsy and showcase how good he is at suppressing his. Okay. So the main way that people are trained to suppress their instincts is to not go towards danger

or to willingly go towards danger or to not flinch when danger is presented. So Mimsy is going to be, there's one way that we could test where your instincts are and how good you are at them. Shoot. Yeah, yeah, sure. What? Mimsy goes And like

turns into this massive mimic with like teeth like rows and rows of teeth the tongue flaring out like licking you spittle flying on you and just like very abrupt

very surprising and gets really big and starts like chomping in front of your face not touching you. Gibbs drops his pickaxe and surprise like oh my God. But let's see if, let's see if Tippy suppresses his instincts. Okay, so what sort of role is this? What is this role?

This, I don't know. Is this mythelect? Is it being clever or is it being physical? Maybe it's both. Let's do both. Okay. You're going to, I think you're prepared because you knew this, you knew something was going to happen.

You didn't know what. So you can roll two dice. You are not able to be helped. So you're going to roll two dice for mythelect and two dice for grim, Grimfist. So MythElect, you want to roll under your number, which is four. Great, great. I rolled a three and a one. Okay, that's under.

Perfect. So, yeah, your brain is computing. It's being filtered through what you know to be true, which is this chest is not going to attack you. And now you want to roll a grumfuss, which is over your number, two dice. Okay. Over my number. God, I have to like roll two fives. A five or a six, yeah.

I roll a five. I have a five and a two. A five and a two? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, yes, your instincts are visibly suppressed. Your mind is like, it's like calm.

Like your face is wildly calm. No one's ever seen you this calm before you're monk-like. And meanwhile, you know, Mimsy's going nuts. His jaws of the chest are opening and shutting, opening and shutting, and his tongue is flying everywhere. And you're being covered in this purple. mucous. And but and you don't, you don't move. Nothing in your body moves. However, you do pee your pants. For sure. For sure. Absolutely. Okay. Okay. And so, so Mimsy says, I,

you think. Yeah. And I'm peeing my pants. Yes. Stone cold looking at Mimsy. Yes. And a puddle is forming underneath you. So Mimsy. just like shakes his entire head and goes wow i really underestimated you and right where this the the the pee is he draws a circle not an x on the floor and says i think you're right you can be trained to be lower middle management in unzug's dungeon i agree i wish i had some fluid to expel that seems to be the trick to get in a quick promotion. My bones are so dry. It's so dry, my bones.

To dry for middle management. That's what they say about this girl. Okay. So you all have, so we're going to end there, wild. So great. So great. Thank you for playing. You're now part of this dungeon.

As the years go on, you're going to be, you're going to be one of the oldest ones working there, the ones who have lasted the longest, and it's going to continue to surprise other people that you survive these experiences. And I guess the one thing that you'll take away is that people start whispering and talking throughout these years of like, what's going on, what's going on. And there is something that is protecting you, it feels like.

Like there's something bigger than you. And everyone's whispering. And it seems even bigger than Eun-ZUx Lair that, like, everyone's dying off, but somehow you are not dying off. So there's, I mean, for lack of a better term, like, you've got plot armor. But in the, but in the world, it is, it is a thing as well. Like, people are discussing what could be going on with you all, but you don't know yet. Why won't they just die? Yeah, why won't they just die? So we'll just end it there. And hopefully that was a lot of fun. I thought we were going to be ended sooner, but shenanigans, right?

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Your torch ticks down in real time. and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s. And man, it is so good to be back. Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the Shadow Dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube.com slash the Glass Cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark. Dark.