Critical Role & Sagas of Sundry - Vox Machina Ep. 85 - A Bard’s Lament

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Grog vs. Earthbreaker Groon in the Temple of Kord! Scanlan awakes! Vox Machina go to see a guy about a hand!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome. Tonight this should be an interesting episode. But before we begin, let's go ahead and get through our announcements for the evening. So welcome, and first and foremost, tonight we are sponsored by our friends at Lute Kray. Thank you, Luke Kray for being amazing sponsors. Sam, do you want to talk about this? Okay, I haven't done this a while, so I'm falling back in on an old crush, an old beloved character. Oh, no. Rodi Slater is back to do another round.

Got it again in character. Yo, ho, it's me, Rodie Slater with another message from our sponsor, L'UKRA. Whether you're dropping in on a party wave in Ullawatu or even Tamarindo, you won't look like a paddle post if you haul your tray-narly gear from El Cretto del Luto. This month's theme is billed, featuring SEC brands like a Power Rangers, Hang 10, Batman, wax it up, Lego, Mondo Bichin, and Tetris, Shaka. So don't get raked over by a wiper,

point your nose to lootcrate.com slash critical roll and use promo code Critical Roll for 10% off your subscribersha. You'll be radder than Tom Curran nailing a 360 air reverse rodeo. You'll be cooler than a tight onshore breeze at Malibu. You'll be more authentic than a sad voice actor searching for surfing. terms on Yahoo answers at 5 p.m.

When he should be really spending more quality time with his children as their youthful lives pass by without their father. Precious moments ticking away until one day they're adults and you're standing at their wedding thinking, oh my god, I missed so much, I missed so very much. And for what? A loot crate ad?

Anyway, ride that tube and subscribe to Jay Bonsai! I mean, it's a whole new echelon. It's a whole new... You just inceptioned the rule. That is fun. Thank you for that. Incredible. You took like a failed Californian sketch

and turn it into Oscar-winning material. Thank you very much. It hurts. It hurts. Brody's a father. That's interesting to look at it. As it's up, guys, we've done a couple of these, and we're gonna do a couple more of these upcoming

four honor streams, where a few of us are gonna be guesting on here a number of hours to play for honor and beat the shit out of each other and other people as various historical warriors of old, and a number of us actually, I think, voiced in the game. Yeah. But yeah, so tomorrow joining the Nerdist team from 9 a.m. to 12 noon, Pacific time,

we have Liam and Travis. Be jumping on there. And then on Saturday from 12 noon, to 3 p.m. That's going to be Travis, Talison, Sam, Marisha, and myself on there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. Really? I have not. Why not either? Because you suck. Oh, my. Yeah. I knew it. He would know. See, I'll be here on the Twitch. Check it out. I'm really excited. I haven't played the game yet.

And everyone I know who's talked about it, so it's ridiculously fun and amazing. It's like the upgrade of Dark Souls combat. I'm really excited. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. We're gonna get killed. We're gonna get killed a lot. I'm pregnant on the spot. We gotta work on our death sounds. Well, I'm Leet, man.

You're going down and stuff. No, I'm not going down. Yeah. You are the one falling in the opposite direction of up. It's important to point out we're not doing walking anymore. We're doing our impression of Troy doing an impression of lowering doing walking. Oh wow, the chain goes deep.

It's a quad layer. That's a quad layer. I don't even know what walking sounds like. It's come through a daisy chain of assholes. It's true. It is. That's a next shirt. Daisy chain of asses.

I'm okay with that. Critical role. It's not Scientology. Don't Google that phrase. All right. Next up, we have me breaking my pen. Oh no. April 1st.

WonderCon. WonderCon. Save the table. Save the table. We're allowed to say the date now? We do now. It's all the information we have so far, but April 1st, WonderCon, critical role in Tox-Machina alive. Be there, be squared. Big room. It is not an epic April Fool's joke.

I told me. This is really happening. It's really happening. And it's going to be a big, big, rowdy room. So if you're like, oh, I don't want to go, I'm not going to be any seats. They're going to be seats. No, it's funny seats. Bring it if you can. It's April Fool's.

We're not going to be there. You know what? I think I would go on, I will promise. I will promise that I will play at least one April Fool's joke on one of you during that panel. I'm excited by this. Can I vote for Brian? Sure, of course. Yeah, I think that's a great idea.

He's not listening to this right now. We should have a poll in the community for which member of the team Sam gets to print. Don't actually do that please. I'm a big fan of Brian. We all know it's going to be. That's a good. Also. Man, we're being so transparent.

Isn't it though? All right. Signal boost is returned. It has returned. Oh, snap. Oh, my goodness. You guys. Sorry.

The amazing Darren DePaul already, he kicked off the season. It was so good. It was crazy. Yeah, he kind of set the bar really high. It was crazy. He's awesome. You guys know Darren as the voice of Reinhart from Overwatch and many other things.

It's also the main villain, Arden, in Final Fantasy 15 and a bunch of other games, super talented. He's blowing up. He's in everything now. He's great. I don't care. for him. I think he's rude. And he smells funny. There now there's a battle. He didn't want to come on my show, Sigel boost.

Sigel boost? Sigel boost. Well, wait. Wow, I haven't heard of that. Wow. You guys just like draw weird circles and yeah. And people correct you for mispronouncing it. It's called sigil boost. It's true. Look for on the gift of that now, please? There's a single. Yes, it's back. You should watch it. Yeah. People.

Yeah, Eric Ishi did hers, and Amy Dallon's up next, right? Yeah, Amy Dallon is up next, and yeah, good people. Yeah, you drain Eric Aisha's blood, it's pretty great. Yes, we do. We can only get it once, though. It's a great trick. Laura, do you have a merch update? Do I?

Do I? Do I? It's on the list. We watched Galaxy Quest last night. So good. Again, for like the hundredth time. You know, I mean, there's merch in the store right now. These dice bags that I'm holding in my hand, I literally judge

happens to be holding it as you ask me that, which is crazy. There's a very small amount of them left. I happen to know. In the hundreds, in the 50s, in the 10s? Baker's doesn't. In the barely hundreds. Wow. Yeah. So. Which is a lot. I want to find out. Which is, you know, it could be a lot or it couldn't, depending on if you want them. Wow. I'm happy. There's also shirts and hats and patches and all your stuff coming up that I'm real excited about and I'll show it to you when it's here. Yeah.

It's a beautiful sound. Allergies. You watch the oxygen, waxed. Yeah. You know they got the dubfries and the alien language on the DVD? No. The whole movie, the entire movie. You can watch it if you're drunk enough.

That's pretty great. All right. Anything else? Anyone else to talk about or are we good? Oh. I think we're good. We're good. So we're going to hop in and start off tonight's episode of Critical Role.

Woo! So, to get you up to speed with our current story, Vox Machina, having just completed the destruction of the chroma conclave, a scourge of ancient chromatic dragons that have terrorized the countryside, they are victorious, yet in the process, lost a couple of lives. Percy returned and Scanlan, his lifeless body, brought back to White Stone, they completed the ritual correctly, and he came to life, however, remains unconscious in a pseudocoma. They left in Whitestone, hopefully to recover, while beginning to finish up some of their last business that they've been unable to, with the current rush of this current arc. They made a journey

to Vasselheim, where they walked through the abundant terrace, into the birth heart itself, the Temple of Malora, within Vasselheim, spoke with one of the various worshipers there, and buried a box of ashes, apparently, of Sunnukir's wife, as a thank you for when you you guys journeyed and met him in the city of Brass on the fire elemental plane. Upon doing so, you then began to scatter about the city to do some business, one of the elements of which

Grog Strongjaw, along the Pike, made their way to the Trial Forge, which is the Chord section of the city, returning to the Trial Forge, the Temple to Cord, and upon walking to the center of the strangely empty temple structure, you saw down in a once previously traversed sandpit, there stood Earthbreaker Groom, the high priest of Cord, who then turned to you and asked you to show him what you had learned. After slamming his feet into the sand and preparing himself for conflict, he beckons you towards him. and that is where we left off. So, as you're standing up there on the edge of this pit, Groon just stands there, this hand beckoning towards you.

I reach into my bag of holding, and I pull out a small drawing of the letter G. This, this is what I have let. That's not it. That's not what I would it. And I take out the Dwarven Thrower, and I jump into the sandpit. All righty. There, as you land in the sand, bombs on your boots sinking but a couple inches into the soft surface.

Pike gets ready to leap down after and Groom puts his hand up, no. This fight is for us. Oh, God. Yeah, we're here, we're here, we're watching it, right? You guys didn't say if you were... Yeah, we said we came in the temple with them. Oh, no, we're totally watching. We're here.

We're here. afterward hoping to, hope he at, Morpies is fighting you, you guys just are rushing it at this point. You all rushing on the outskirts here to watch. I'll pull you in over here to keep an eye on the sidelines. Grog, I need you to roll initiative. Oh my, big money, whammy! Now we'll tie on the count of three.

I got advantage of things. Tenga. That's shit. Come on, come on. That's one worse. Five! Oh! You're going second.

You can go away. You know, a ticket player has advantages sometimes. So. Sometimes. Sometimes. As you land and ready yourself with a hammer at the side, knowing that all of your friends are up along the outer edges of this watching you, you look up at Groon who just,

his hands at the ready, puts him down into his side, and just walks up towards you and just stands there. Your turn. It's like a matador. What a dick move. What a dick move. What a dick move! Right.

I bow and say, cord strength, be with you, and I smash the Titanstone knuckles together. All righty. Off to a start. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what with that? I wish we had popcorn. Oh yeah.

Is there popcorn in the studio? No. Damn it. Damn it, Denise! Sorry. Aww. Always the bearer of bad news, that one. All righty.

I'll say her name three times, then the dice roll. I would like to move, I would like to move backwards three squares. Okay. That's my turn. All right. On his turn, he stands there. He just stares right at you. Fuck, I knew it!

It's a chest already! I hate the SATs. I hate Scantrons, I hate number two pencils, I hate all of it. Don't blank, don't blank. Roll with the player. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I start in that same distance from him,

the same radio distance I start walking to my right. My full speed. Okay. That's my turn. He turns with you as you move, just writes himself and stares at you. Your turn. Worst chess game. I know, right?

Smash got to two hours later. I know. All right. What do you want me to do? Are you hungry? I'm kind of hungry. I would like to rage. Okay.

And I do so by taking the Dwarven Thrower and smashing it against my chest. And then I chunk it at him. All right. As you slam it to your chest, you can feel the impact, and there's that brief, sharp bit of pain as the metal clashes against the muscle, slamming against the bone in your rib cage. And that pain just kind of shoots through your exciting electricity, and you harness the pain as your eyes blur for a moment. As you feel the rage overtake you, your muscles flexing and tensing, and with that fury, now flowing through your body, you take the hammer. I need you to go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw.

Oh, no. I knew it. I knew it. I mean I didn't know it. Which is minus two, right? Yes. That's a six. As you go to throw, the strength leaves your arm and it just hangs lint at the side. The attack is lost.

Any reason why? You don't know. Not that I know. Cool. Do I have another attack? Yeah, you have two attacks. I shake off the random numb arm and I toss it over to the other hand. I'm like, come on, Betsy, and I throw it with that hand. Okay, roll another wisdom saving through it.

I don't know D&T enough to know what the fuck's happening right now. Oh, 16? 16, actually. Let me see this real fast. I have a modifier of zero. Minus two. I rolled up eight people. Monks are not in my wheelhouse.

I don't think about it. I feel like this guy is special too. He's not even here. This is a dream. He slowly Reishon uncurls like a seat on from the ceiling. 16. Nope. This time you do manage to push through and throw the hammer, but you end up throwing it way wide, like 20 feet away from him.

Like you're looking at it and you go, fush. And we duck. It comes back and you catch it and you're like, this, something's just messing with your mind. There's something about his presence right now that is oppressing your ability to actually attack towards him. All right. All I have is my bonus action. We used your bonus action to rage, right? Oh, I did, yeah. I don't have a bonus action.

That's my turn. All right. He turns towards you, walks forward. Oh, I don't. Very, just carefully and intently. Dush. Dush. That's his turn.

You go. God, dang it. Oh, man. What does he wonder? I try and hit him with it with both hands. Okay, so you go using both hands. Yeah, both hands. Go for roll wisdom saving throw.

His little boy smile. Six! You go to swing and he seems to blur for a moment, your eyes blink, and as you swing with the hammer, you swung far to your left, and it's almost like your arms are intentionally missing and almost fighting your direct-old sense. Shut up, Brian, Wayne Foster! This is so stupid! Okay, I keep the hammer in one hand, but I just try and punch him with the Titanstone knuckle out of frustration. of frustration. Okay, make it with some same drug.

Wait. No weapon in my head. Mm-hmm. Dime. You go to punch and by the time it gets to his chest, there's still a little force behind it that your fingers just kind of unfold open against him, almost breaking your wrist in the process. You pull back and he's just staring right at you. Show me you have the will to fight.

Come at me. Are you gonna move or you stay where you are? I'm going to stay within his attack range, but I'm going to 180 around him. Okay, that's easy enough to get around here. Alrighty. And I'll stay there. All right, for his turn, he turns around. No, he doesn't. Come on.

Come on. Your turn. This is a nightmare. I just want to hit him. All right, all right, all right. Maybe it's all about love. And I try and give my bag. Okay, make a wisdom save the table.

You got this. Natural 20. That's zero. I rolled a two. Zero. Exactly. You go to grab him and you reach and you feel this physical form and your grasp and then your arms all of a sudden touch nothing and you realize that he's standing where he was. You grabbed what was almost like a mirage or an illusion.

It's almost like your brain is playing tricks on you. tricks on you. Does this one attack? You can do it, Grog! I don't know what he wants out! It's so pathetic right now. You, how does it look for the rest of the gang? Yeah, I agree. It looks hilarious. What did we just see?

It's hilarious and it's disconcerting, because you're watching his grog in the middle of his rage. Most of his attacks are amateur, far too wide away from the target, or by the time they get close, he is holding himself back. And you don't know why. don't know why. He's just, something is messing with his will and preventing him from being able to follow through with his attacks. Okay. Second attack? What are you doing? Second attack. I just want to touch him with my finger. Just the leg, just a boop. Okay. You reach out and your finger touches his chest. He's here. He's real. He's there. He's real. The skin's there.

Thought you might be a dragon. Wisdom saving pro? That wasn't an attack. Oh! I touched him! You touched them. Good job, Grog! We believe in you, Grog! Hey, now ramp it up! He smiles at you and goes,

And with gentleness there comes clarity. Oh, Grog. That's your turn? That's my turn. Okay. What? With gentleness there comes. With gentleness, there comes clarity.

And he smiles through his big white, gray beard, and the smile fades, his eyes flash. And he is going to attack. attack you with a flurry of blows. Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I haven't learned the lesson yet. I'm still. The lesson's just begun.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. All right, that is, uh, oh, 33 to hit. Mm, yep. That is a 24 to hit. Yep. That is a natural one, so that is a, and you have 32 to hit.

So you hit you three times. Geez, the world, weas. So you're raging, so you take half damage from these because they're bludgeoning, as he's punching you. But as he, his eyes flash, he rushes up and pummels you once in the chin, elbows you in the sternum, goes and grabs your shoulder and leaps over behind you, and then kick straight back into the middle of your shoulder blades.

And you feel the breath almost get kicked out of you. That is 15 bludgeoning damage, halved to, seven? We'll say eight, eight, yeah. Eight. That is nine, reduced to five. And that is 13, reduced to seven. There you go. Oh shit, that's 20 points of damage, cool.

That's the turn, you're up. Yeah, sweet anus. What do mugs do? It's a really good British candy box. Can I like, um. Sweet anus. Can I use my magic powers and I want to keep my eyes close

and I'm gonna swing around behind me knowing that I just got kicked in the back there. Okay, go and make an attack with disadvantage. Oh, no wisdom saving through? Nope. With gentleness comes clarity. You touched him. Maybe if you had a shake in his hand.

With disadvantage? Disadvantage, because you have your eyes closed. 23. That just barely hits. Oh, go and roll damage. Okay. Another 10. What did we learn from that?

I should have done it reckless. No, no, no, I don't want him rolling at reckless. Holy shit. God, I'll die in a second. No, but close your eyes. What? I'm so confused. It's like you're a hot.

That's 18 points of damage. Mm-hmm. 18 points of damage. Gotcha. So that's your first strike. Uh-huh. You feel the weapon behind you make contact with the form and you see a little bit of sand out of your peripheral side

go as his form gets pushed about a foot, kind of. of setting some of it off. So it goes, bosh, I'll close my eyes again, and I swing around the other way and try to connect. Okay, roll it, we'll give him with disadvantage. That's not bad, it's not bad. 14 and 20... 29.

That hits, yes. Yes. Okay. Damn. Same thing, so 18 points of damage. 18 points of damage. All righty. As he takes both impacts, kind of pairing them with his forearms with each impact,

they're still hitting him, and he's still taking the brunt of the attack. the attack and the pain, but with each hit, you can feel just the force of his forearm is almost stopping still the hammer blows, you're throwing it behind you. And you can see him gritting teeth with each impact, but he's just staring right at you again as you kind of spin around, open your eye again to see, you know, what you did. He kind of gives you a bit of a narrow glare. Stink eye? A little bit of a stink eye. Fuck. But like an intentional kind of connecting point and just says, no, that's a whole

different. That's a, that's a different monk path. Like that little hobbit, it's like, hum. He. Be nice. Let's see here. I'll show you. I'm a student here. What's the lesson? What's the lesson? He's going to go ahead and attack you twice. Two punches straight to your back, your shoulders and neck as you're turning around to look at him. That is a 17. Missive? No, that is it. That hits, yeah, it's my AC. Yep.

And a 23. So both hits you. That is 16, so 8 damage. Okay. And that is 10, so 5 damage. Okay. And he's going to spend three key. Three key?

Yeah, three key points. So the first punch hits you across the chin. The second one, he slams his fingers, curled up. right into your sternum as you turn around to face him. Whack! And as it hits you, you feel these kind of vibrations, these ripples carry through your body. And then slowly fade inside,

and you feel this like tingling, this very faint, brief numbness that just kind of lingers throughout your body. You can feel it gathering at the edge of your fingertips and toes, almost like ripples through a lake, and he steps away. You could make a tack on opportunity, if you like. I would.

Yeah. Don't forget, you can use your reaction to get an attack back because of your retaliation ability. Yeah, I've totally forgotten that. I'm just totally stunned at this point. That's good. That's 32. 32 hits, go and roll damage.

That's a t-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's a tip. All these sounds are in-game. 25. Okay, 25, nice. When Grog becomes Popeye. All righty. And he just stands across the way

and just kind of beckons you to come towards him. Your turn. And I feel all shake weighty at the moment, right? Yeah, you're not quite sure. You don't feel bad. It's just this kind of uneasiness in your body. Can I take a step towards him? Mm-hmm.

Take a step forward. Does anything happen? Do I shit my pants? Nope. Not yet. Can I take the other four steps of the five-step exploding heart point technique thing? Seems fine.

Cool. What would you have done if you shot your pants? Oh my god, it would just explosive shut out. It would be like, killing me now. Just lost you go. It's right now. I have to bring out the cone template for that. A very dedicated marathon runner.

Area of effect. Can I close the rest of the distance to him? Sure. It's one to three, three, three, two, yep. I want to try the bear hug again. I want to grapple him. Okay. So go ahead, and I think it's your athletics versus his.

So I can touch him now. Acrobatics, I'm pretty sure. The wisdom saving throw was something in the beginning. I like the idea that it's silent in here, and we're just hearing sand get kicked around and grog breathing like a bullet. I like to think that Earthbreaker Groan has like mood music for his fights. There's frustrated at grunts out. He's got a sound system. So make an athletic check.

Like war drums? Yeah. Big Tyco. That'd be sick. Totally. Uh, 24. Pacti plus 16 plus 8. Uh, yeah, okay, so you go to grab him and he just slips out.

Damn. Hit my athletics versus his judo? He just kind of like parries it to the side, ducks under, and writes himself. Oh shit. It's just out of your grasp. Cool. That was nice. Do you have a second attack?

Yeah. Two-handed great weapon master, please. Okay. Try it. Go for it. That's not gonna hit. 24. 24 hits.

Oh, it does? Yeah. Oh, 23, that's right. Thank you go. No, it doesn't. 24, minus 5. Oh, minus 5. Yeah, it is not.

So as you go to swing both of your hands on the hammer, giant downward arc, as it slams downward, you see his form just kind of shift, and suddenly he's two feet to the right. He moved so fast with a sidestep, and you slam it down into the sand. You guys watch. as this crater emerges and all the sand kind of just shoots off the sides from the impact of grog's blow onto the ground. Groon's seemingly unaffected. That ends my...

You're not frenzy yet, right? Nope, that ends my turn. Yep. Okay. At the end of your turn, he's gonna go ahead and make an unarmed attack on you. Unarmed attack. That's just his punch as part of his legendary action here. That is a 27 to hit. Oh, that hits.

You suffer another 10 points of bludgeon damage to reduce to five. Okay. Now it's Groon's turn. Greetings, adventurers. Spring has sprung here in Los Angeles, and that means it's a brief period where it's only 75 degrees instead of 95 degrees. I'll take it.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash critical roll for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash critical roll. Two layer actions. He's gonna go ahead and make another series of attacks on you. That is a two, no, an 18. Yep, yeah, that hits. 17. Hits also.

All right. So that is 9 plus 8. There'll be 17, so say 9.5 plus 1. 9. And then, oh, 18. So another 9. Plusing damage. He is then going to, I need you to do.

I need you to go ahead and make a Constitution saving throw. Damn, damn, Gina. 21. 21, okay. As his first hit is a long round, like Haymaker punch across the chin. He comes one underneath and goes for an upper cut that hits you right in the jaw, right at the side where usually it would snap and really mess with somebody's ability to stay either conscious or control their atmosphere. You just manage to maneuver out of the way where it hurts. but the impact doesn't hit its intended place,

and you resist the effect. What was the effect? You don't know. God damn it. Diarrie. Insta knockout. I'll ship my pants for the spite's over with. On the button?

It's the button. It's the brown note. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your turn. My turn. I am so tired of this slippery shit. I'm going to a frenzy rage. Okay.

Ah. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. I would like to great weapon mass to try to hit him with the Dwarven, with the Dwarven throw. Go for it. Not reckless.

I don't know if the lesson is. 32 minus five is 37. 27? 27. That hits. 32 minus five is 37. 35. Okay.

This one cracks him right across the side of his shoulder and peck area. Wham! And you watch as for the first time since this battle started, he loses his footing. And has to catch himself behind. His head looks back and it turns around towards you, and a big smile goes across his face as he goes, good. Keep showing me. I was encouraged until he got creepy with the talking. Maybe he just likes getting hit. All right, I hit him again. Go for it.

That's gonna, that's gonna hit. That's 31 minus 5 is 26. Yeah, go and roll damage. 7. 22, 32. 32. 32. 32. Nice. He's got like 5,000 hit points. Last one, reckless. Okay.

What's life about a little spicy? Sure. Ask him. 18, not quite. 39. That hits you. Close to what I wanted. This is, ah, 20.

33. Okay, cool. All right, so as you unleash this next series of blows against him, as you saw him topple from the first hit, the other two, he pulls his arms in and takes him one to the shoulder, the other one hits him in the stomach, and he grabs your arm and pushes off. Jump in the air and lands about five feet from you as he uses his...

Is he like bruised? Is there like a slap mark? I mean, there's only blood? Anything to tell me I might be doing a good job. He looks more so than the previous fight that you had with him. It looks like he's starting to take some hits. Good, yeah. He's gonna use legendary actions to take a hit on you. Legendary action.

That is a 30. It's with advantage, because. Yep. So that is another nine points of legend damage. Not half. That is what it is half. Okay. It would be 18, yeah. Right.

Okay, his turn, he slowly walks around you and says, your size is useful for those who know not how to use it against you. And he rushes down beneath your large standing form and goes into a series of strikes against the inside of your knees and your legs. And we'll see how the last blow hits. That's a 30. Oh, my large damage. Yeah, 30 in the first hit.

Yep. That is a 21 on the second hit. Yeah, it's right. Taint punch last one to Tate punch. Three. That is a 29 on the third hit. How many hits over there? Four.

And a natural 20 on the four. Oh! To the shoot hit! Wow, I had to reckless, huh? Yeah, cool. Oh, right. Vegas is a short trip this time. So that is 18

reduced in half, it's a nine. Okay. That is 14 reduced in half is seven. Okay. That is a nine, reduced in half is five. And then the final strike is, okay, five. That is 20, reduced in half, that is ten. Could I use my stone's endurance on that last one?

Sure, go for it. All right. Do do, da, da, b' da, da, bong, that's 12, plus my constitution. which is five, so 17. And I would like you to make another Constitution save, if you don't mind. Shit.

So do I add 17 hit points back? Well, no, you reduce the attack. It was 10 damage. Yeah, so just wipe it out. It does nothing. Okay, cool. Okay, I'm getting down there. Really?

He's down to the triple-distance. Yeah. Uh, 18. 18. 18. 10 plus 10 minus 2 is 18. Okay. You feel from that impact all of your muscles seize up.

He goes for the same strike zone on the other side of the chin and it hits and you kind of as you pull back and then feel all of a sudden this pulse, the pulse, all your muscles tense up. You were stunned until the end of your next turn. What does being stunned do? You can't move. Can't do anything. You're considered to be able to pass the tail.

I can pass the team. Geroon's in Vegas, and your eyes just came up, pineapples. I'm gonna pull an arrow out and just stand there and get ready in case Groon does anything. Okay. Grooen is thinking I'm going to go ahead and step back to there. What? Oh. We're waiting for you to become unstunned.

Okay. And as he kind of just darts back, you guys watch as he runs to the back, as he does his feet barely touch the sand. You see these very faint little plumes. behind each footstep as this giant man has almost no weight across the ground here. He runs with such speed. And then as he lands and finds his footing, the weight seems to kick in once more and he watches the sand, shoots out behind him. He stands his ground and crosses his arms and just watches. So Grog, it's your turn. You're stunned. You end your turn. You no longer stunned. It's now back to him. He puts his hand up.

He puts it up towards you. Closes his fingers. Oh no, I've seen this before. and you feel this in your chest right in the sternum where you hit you earlier. I need you to go ahead and roll a Constitution saving throw again. 2.21? 21. Oh. Constitution I have a lot of in my saving throws.

That sound ripples out. You feel the muscles begin to tear. The ligaments begin to burn from the inside. You manage to, through the sheer force of physical Constitution, shrug off what would have been an immensely more deadly circumstance, but you still do take 10D10 necrotic damage. Oh! When is it?

No, he would have dropped to zero hit points. Oh, shit! Is that the palm? It's the quivering palm. He's not holding back this time. Oh, no. Oh, I mean, don't make any special exceptions on my part. Vaxe is watching, he just leaked a little bit.

Gross. 18, oh, 26. Very palm. No one will ever notice the armor already stinks. Take 51 points of necrotic damage. 52? 51 points of the product damage. Now again.

Okay. How much damage? 51 points of necrotic damage. I'm out of the triple digits, guys. Oh, man. Wow. Does Brogwick all bloody yet or is he? You guys watch his grogsy and there, his body shakes and shimmers,

and you watch various veins that usually bulge in his rage and like the, enhanced blood flow of his combat just burst in places, and blood just seems to spray out of him from multiple positions on his body. And as they, you see the blood out leaking all over him, he's just covered in his own crimson. He slowly turns around, prepares himself for the next round of combat.

That is some North Star Shet. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. Good deal. Tight. Wow, distance doesn't help.

Okay. Can you talk to him? Can you talk to him? I just look up, like covered like Carrie in the movie, just dripping in big blood. Never mind, you're doing great, grog. Keep going. Sometimes music calms the savage beast. You could sing to him.

I would try intimidating presents, but he'll just shrug it off because he's amazing. It's fine. It looks like he's going to rally. rally. Here it comes. Yeah. I just take off straight for him. Okay, turn around. Oh my God.

Ten, fifty, just, just get up in Amelia with him. Cool. Awesome. I am going to take all three attacks at great weapon master at him. Not reckless. Okay. Go and make your attacks at disadvantage. Why?

Why? Because I'm covered in blood. No, because he used his patient defense. Patient defense. Essentially, with each blow that you swing towards him, he's just prepared himself from a defensive position to prepare himself, and he's using your own momentum against you to sway every attack away from him.

So to make all of your attacks at disadvantage. That's pretty smart. I threw that literally into the holder, and it was on an edge. Shit. That's a natural 20 that's going to be replaced by a god. No.

Uh, 23 minus five. So it'll be done. Nope. Great. So the first blow swings wide. He grabs the actual side of the hammer with both hands and just, throws it off to the side. Oh.

Okay. Okay. 31 minus five, 26. 26. He attempts to parry this one. However, your sheer force of strength managed to push past his grasp, and you bring the hammer down towards his clavicle. Go ahead and roll damage.

Look it, when I hit them. I'll hit them. That's 18, 28 plus enlarge. Which I've been for getting. Oh, oh, oh, my. 20. 18 plus 10 because of your, 18 plus 10 for Great Weapon Master, 28, 30.

30, you said 20. I said 20, I meant 30. It's 30. My apologies. He is hitting me really, really hard. Yeah, and your brain is already so little. It's actually large, it just doesn't do much. And if you're using your bonus action, you can get one more strike in.

I would like to. Go for it. That's advantage. Most of just bacon fat. That's one. Nope. So the second one does hit the clavicle, and it kind of cracks in, and you, you see a little bit of this blood kind of spill out the corner of his mouth on his chin, and he kind of looks up at you.

And for a second there, the whites of his eyes seem to almost dim ever so slightly into a moment of humanity you haven't seen in him yet. He's been this godlike entity, and it's the first point where you see that that pain showed just a hint of any sort of weakening. And he kind of looks right up into you, good, good. As you go for your third strike, he literally puts his hand out and catches the hammer in place.

Oh God, it's so awesome. He just holds it there as he stares at you. I'm checking reflexes. Good. I want you to know I'm not afraid to go down. That is the first lesson. Let's see if your words can be put into practice. Oh shit.

Oh, God. Good night. No, no. We'll see you in the morning. Sleep well, friends. I hope you get a popcorn kernel on your teeth. There's a... He is going to, let's see.

Go cobra Kai on your ass. Comber kai. Sweat the leg, Johnny. Never die. Put him in a body bag. Johnny Big. That's that Johnny. Yeah, he's going to a Florea blows against you.

Oh shit. That's a natural 20. Oh, five. That is a 18. Yeah. That's a 26. Look, they all hit. Yeah, those all hit.

Okay. So the first one is 18, reduced to half, is nine. Nine, okay. That is a nine, reduced to half, five. Okay. That is a 12 reduced to six. Okay. And that is a 13 reduced to seven.

Sweet. Real excited. And he's just gonna go ahead and rotate around you to the opposite side. As he turns around, hitting you as he goes, each hit. He's, I need you to go ahead and make a strength saving throw. You have advantage on these because you're raging. Yeah, I do.

But I still have minus two to him. This is true. Minus two-two. That's about a . Twenty, three minus two, twenty one. Twenty-one, okay, yeah. So the last blow as he comes around, does a roundhouse kick and brings back

and goes for a huge double-fisted kind of earthside punch into your torso. Not the double fisted. It's about to push you backward, but you dig in your feet and resist it and hold your place. Look who's catching who now. That's true. Now it's your doing.

He didn't have a quick back for me. Okay. Right. I would like to turn him so I'm facing him. Okay. I want to pick him up and try and body slap him. Okay. Go ahead and make an athletics check. Okay. 24. Now that's a 30 acrobatics.

You go to grab and he steps back with his arms still crossed, leaps onto your hands as you reach out for him, and just jumps in the air. in the air looks down at you before he comes landing right on top of your hands, forcing your fists into the dirt. What's you going to do for your next attack? I almost drop out of my rage because I'm like, that was a real dick move. It's just dunking on me. He was like jumping and crossing his arms as he was struck. He did the kill bill like on my hands. I want to try one more time. All right, roll again. 20. Remember, you have advantage on these because you're raging.

That does it better. Okay. That is a 24 acrobatics check. As you pull your hands up out of the dirt, reaching out for him with these giant Titanstone gauntlet and crusted fingers, and the sand burst that goes upward, you reach and find nothing but sand. As the sand fades, he uses his, is this the end of your turn? You still have a bunch of that shape.

Okay, so as the sand is still cascading down, you can see his shape through it. What are you doing with your third strike? I just want to try and grab a hold of the slippery bastard. Okay, one more time. Yeah. Strength advantage or just a natural role? Advantage on your athletics. Okay.

That probably looks like he's running in circles. Uh, 26. He only rolled 24. With the sand there kind of coming down from the impact. If you've pulling your fists out, you reach out, and finally they find purchase on the sides of his arms. And then doing so you pull him in and grasp them right to your chest. The hammer's still clashed in your right hand, and you watch, he gets pulled in now.

And yeah, he is firmly in your grasp. He is currently grappled. Cool, I don't say anything. I'm just really stoked that I actually got him. I'm gonna take a picture. Whatever that is. Draw, draw, quick, press him. Should I flash him?

Do it? What do it? Couldn't hurt. You want to make this into a body slam? Could I? Why? No, I'm glad she's three. Okay.

I was thinking in this year, I'd like, Move one of his five hits that he takes on me, but poor, who gives a shit? We'll say for the purposes of this, as you grab, since you're intent to us the body slam, go ahead and roll and attack on Disadvantage. Okay, attack with disadvantage. Great. Oh, regular attack.

This is that your weapon bonus. Right. I mean, one's as good as the other. It was minus three. Yeah. 22. 22. You grab him and you lift, and it's like he's anchored to the ground.

He's much smaller than you, and you can lift things far larger and denser than him. but for some reason he won't budge and inch and just staring up at you with his arms pressed to his sides. I want to learn that trick. I've still got him grappled at least. I want that. That's it.

All right. He'd have to be, like, crouched down in order to be grappling in. It's like the possum trick. Let's just assume that I like picked him up. I'm just holding him grappled. Or am I like squatting in a grapple. You're like squatting down and grabbing him.

You went to lift him up and par vomiting. He wouldn't budge. Hugging Santa's little helper. As you're holding him, he closed his eyes. He closes his eyes. He closes his eyes. And you watch as this kind of warm, orangish white energy begins to just emanate

from various parts in his body just here. In the middle of forehead, a little glimmer opens here, a little glimmer in the shoulder. His various chakra points begin to glow. And you watch as many of the bruises and bludgeon that you put upon his body and cuts begin to heal up. Shit. I want to be at level two.

Four more. years of this. And you can't move, he's currently grappled. All right, that's his turn. You go ahead. I still have him grappled? I still want to try to get him to the ground. I want to try and get him prone.

Can I try a leg wrap? So I'm going to wrap my right leg around his and die for it, trying to push him off balance onto his back. I'll say go ahead and make another athletics check. Okay. 24. 24, you go 21. 21. So we'll say for this, you go ahead, you'll be releasing the grapple, but you slam

them onto the ground and make him prone. So you manage to just rip him off of whatever weird center of gravity he's forced himself into, lift him over your head, and just pile drive him into the ground. Once again, you see just sand and dust kick up, and there you see just these two legs sticking up as you've basically planted him in the ground like a carrot. And he is currently prone on the ground. Great. When he's prone, do I get it advantage on attacks? When he is prone, attack rules against the creature have, yeah, you have advantage fewer than five feet.

Great. Great weapon master, dwarven thrower, and I say, I want to know the answer to the Latin. Get it! That's five, 24. 24, that hits. Get him, big man. Give him the chair.

20. 20. 20, 30. 25. 35. 35. Plus the enlarge damage. Nice.

Really fast. Okay, so that's your second attack. One. Wicker. Just goes over his head. 28 minus 5. 23. 23 just hits.

Yeah! 34. 38. 38. 38. Ooh. All righty. So the, after you're shouting this, the first blow comes down. Whack! You're not even seeing him or seeing the impact. Are you seeing his sand and fury?

The second and final blow you bring up and as you bring it down, you feel something crack underneath. And you watch as you pull the hammer up again, he pushes off and he's going to actually use at the end of your turn. Are you going to move? It's up to you. You're going to say where you are? No, I would be right there just in trance that he's actually in the ground. Okay. Yeah. So at the end of your turn, you. He's going to go ahead and use legendary action to attack you. I meant I run.

It's up 30. So it hits you. All right, that's 18, half to nine. Take nine points of damage. Okay. And I need you to make another Constitution saving throw. Okay. Natural 20.

Good, okay. As you pull up from the hammer, you can see now, there's quite a bit of blood now out of his mouth, there's a part of the chest where it's kind of pushed in, and you can see where the impact has caused heavy bruising and parts of the skin have just kind of broken open from impact. So now he's bleeding in places. You're bleeding all over the place.

Yeah, yeah. So it's just this mess of two somewhat dressed humanoid men just covered in their own blood. It's delightful. And blood and sand. It's just encrusted everywhere. Kind of, yeah. Be careful.

That's how blood diseases are transferred. Very filthy. Be careful. Sepsis. He pushes off. pushes off and manages to hit you in the sternum once again, the same place where the vibration's hit. However, this time you grab his hand as it gets there

and it still hits you, but the gauntlets absorb the impact and prevent it from spreading through your body. That ends your turn. It's now his turn. He stands up from prone. Damn, he did that to me on my turn. Yeah. That's fucked up.

Oh, shit. Natural 20 on my turn saved my life. He's gonna go ahead and hit you twice. That is a 18. Hits. And a 20. Yeah, that hits. So the first one, I need you make a Constitution saving throw.

Okay. And you take 14, reduced to half seven points of bludging damage. 15, 13 on my Constitution saving throw. 13. What was the damage? Oh, sorry. Seven. Seven. Seven. You feel your muscles lock up once more because you're stunned.

Awesome. That allows the sex, since you are stunned, attacks against you have advantage, and you are capacitated, so hits that are next to you are technically all crits. Oh, fuck! No! So the next hit went against you is six plus eight. Can I smile before he hits me?

Sure, you go... So you feel as your body locks up, the next hit, goes right into the same place where you can keeps hitting you in the sternum. You can feel the bruising. Now you hear the crack inward as you feel the rib cage, the cartilage there, pop inward. That's the second hit.

He goes in for two more strikes. Now is you're stunned. The next one, the third one, that's gonna be a 27. That is eight plus eight. You take eight damage because it's half. So eight bloods and his final hit, that is going to be, yeah, it's like 30. That is gonna be a 6, 12, 20, reduced that 10 points

of bludgeoning damage. Cool, great. Still standing. He is. My math is probably wrong, but I'm getting down there. Okay, he's going to stand right there. He is. Yep.

Oh my God, duh. What are you gonna do? Did he just stand there and he had a turn? Yeah. He just went, he got up from prone. half his movement, and he's not gonna move around you. He's staying right where he is. What are you doing?

Show him what you've learned. None of us know what you learned, though. We can't help. That patient defense thing again. Yeah, fuck it. I'm gonna go for broke, because we're pretty close anyway. I'm gonna make all three attacks, reckless, great weapon match.

Okay. Go for it. Tripling that on the Marvary. I don't know any better. Well, no, actually, you're stunned this turn. Oh. I just remembered that. So you grin, and then your body just won't respond.

Is there a small fart at least? It's about that. Yep. Yep. It's not even like something to be proud of. Just a little squeaker. Oh, did you just poop your pants? You turtled a little bit? I got a little turtle head poking out.

Piyom. So I'm stunned. So the end of the turn. At the end of your turn. At the turn, he's going to use one of his reaction to use the wind. He gets to move his speed without attacks on opportunity. What does he want from you?

All right. For you to show him what you learned. He just zips back and is on the opposite side. It just goes. Cool. I look back and do the other. and do this. Ooh.

He learned to be a dick. That's your turn? Yeah. Okay. He begins to rotate. Over there. That's his turn. You're gonna heal it.

Everyone is doing their Keanu impressions. I have no healing anything. Awesome. I do a short rest, but that's it. All right. Take one. How far can I throw this fucking thing? Long range of 60 feet. The long range of 60 feet means that it would be like a disadvantage throw.

Correct. That's not great. The shirt range is 20? Yeah. Just get up within 20 feet of them. Yeah, let's be honest. With 50, could I get to him in 50 feet? You want to try? Yeah, I'd like to try. Five, ten, get again. 45, 50. Just barely get up to him. I just want to keep staring back at him, but there's no point to it. I can't do anything. It's not like I can psych him out or...

Tell him what you learned! What are you doing? Vague words of encouragement. Yeah, going for broke again. Reckless, great weapon master, all three. Okay. You have disadvantaged on them because of his patient defense, so they're just straight roles. Spatial... patient defense. Patient defense, yes. Also known as spatial defense in the barbarian world.

Totally. Natural 20. Ooh. Okay. Just two more of those, please. So I doubled a damage die. Or I rolled two more damage dies after this. 17, 27, 30, 31.

Are you supposed to roll tens or 12s? 10s for the hammer. 31, 39, 42. 42 points of damage on the first one. Okay. Second one. Second attack. So 31 minus 5, 26.

26 hits. 32. 35. 35. 35 points damage? Yep. Last one. Last attack.

Because I'm buying a ticket to the no pants dance after this. 22. 22, no. That's not minus 5. It is minus 5. Yeah, it is minus 5. Yeah, it is minus 5. So you go bounding up towards him.

It's just there waiting, his arms up. The first strike, he goes to Perry, but as you hit, his arm gets knocked out of the way, preventing him from parrying the second strike as it comes down right across the side of the face. Hitting him, you watch the blood across the sand, and he, you see his jaws kind of momentarily dislodged. His beard just kind of crushed it in his own blood. As you come up with a giant over the head blow, and as it comes down, he slaps it from both sides and stops it mid-action. You see his hand shaking as he's holding it, and he just kind of looks up in your front. face. Goot. You keep saying that. That was so metal. It's now his turn. As he

throws the hammer back over your head, which puts you off balance, he's going to go into first two strikes. The first one is a 21 to hit. Yes, I believe that hits. That is going to be 10, reduced to five. Okay. Second one, oh, no that, no, That's, on the first one, I need you to make another Constitution saving throw. Okay, same damage? Same damage, yeah. Okay. But he's gonna go.

23. 23. No, 21. 21, that's right. Yeah, so he managed to resist the effect of the stunning strike. He's gonna go for the secondary attack, which was 7 plus 13. It's 20. That still hits you.

Yeah. You take 18, reduce that to nine. Make another constitution saving throw. Cool. We're in the single digits, kids. 22 minus 2 is 20. 20, you just barely shrug off the effect of the stunning strike. He is going to go in for his flurry of blows,

because he knows you on the edge. He knows you on the edge. He just has to miss four. That's a natural 20. No! That is 16 plus 8. That is 24 points of damage reduced to half to 12. I am unconscious, but I use my relentless rage.

Right. Oh shit. Okay. You go back. I forgot about that. It's a flurry of blows and he only did it on the first one. So I'm like, bruh. Oh, shit. Well, you need to make a constitution saving throw. I do, yes. A DC of 10. I do.

Come on. Philip. If I can't make a DC of 10, I just don't know. Philly! Uh, 21. Yeah. Okay, so the third hit, the first couple just kind of loosening you up. This is going to get interesting.

The third hit, he leaps in the air, kind of Troy style, Whack! It hits you right square in the face. Superman punch. Up in the air and you kind of pull back as you feel your vision kind of begin to darken, and then you feel that surge of white-hot rage in the back of your skull, bring you back and you, pull back up as he lands, and you watch his expression goes, and he darts downward.

Darts downward and goes for a low to high ground uppercut. Dragon punch style. Oh, god, go. That's gonna, oh, that's an 18 plus 13. It's a 31. Oh You take nine points reduced to five. It's you right underneath the chin. However, I use my relentless rage now at a DC 15. Correct. What? Oh shit. Come on, come on. Come on. Come on, come on. Give that system. Come on. Come on a squeaker. Come on.

27. 27. As it knocks you into the air almost under your feet, but you managed to catch yourself and right back up as he lands. Turns around, looks at you, goes, Good. I see what you've learned. The war is over and both sides lost.

Kingdoms were reduced to cinders, an army scattered like bones in the dust. Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins. This is old school adventuring at its most cruel. Your torch ticks down in real time. And when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s. And man, it is so good to be back. Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube.com slash

the glass cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark. Welcome to Mick Unplugged, the number one podcast for self-improvement and modern leadership. I'm Mick Hunt, your host, and I'm here to challenge your why and fuel your because. This is where leaders, entrepreneurs, and go-getters come to level up. Each week, I bring you unfiltered conversations, game-changing strategies, and the kind of motivation that transforms lives and legacies. I've learned from legends like Les Brown, Damon John, and Robert Irvine. And now, I'm bringing their lessons, along with mine, straight to you. From modern leadership tips to creating unstoppable momentum, this is the podcast that redefines what's possible.

Hit play, subscribe, and join the millions who've made Mick Unplugueg, their go-to source for growth and greatness, because your next breakthrough is just one episode away. This is Mick Unplug, the voice and face of modern leadership entrepreneur and self-improvement. Let's get started. It's your turn. It's your turn. Kill them. All three reckless, great weapon master, chewing my tongue off while I do it.

Go for it. 29, minus 5, 24. 24 hits? Yep. So the first one is 23, 33, 34. 34. 34 points of damage, first one. Second one, nine, damn it.

25. Now a bit of minus five, so that's 20. 20. The first one hits, whack, it hits him in the side of the head. The other side, it writes his jaw strangely, but knocks him down onto three points. He has down on his hand and his two knees and the ground.

Other arms still up clenched than a fist. He's breathing heavily. He's on the edge. Second strike, you go to swing down and he rolls out of the way. It hits the grab with no effect. You're going for your third and final strike? I am, yeah. Go for it.

30 minus 5 is 25. 25 hits all the edge. Come on, come on. Fuck you, Master Splinter. Pli. Oh, man, Baxter. Oh, man. Oh, I know.

I haven't forgotten it now. 23, 33, 33. 23. 37. Okay, how do you want to do this? Ah! It's back in his real reaction. The first one hits, right? First one hits, like when he rolls out of the way

and you pull back. Right. I reach back with the third one, and I go, Who's good now? Whack! You knock, you guys watch it, so you knock him clean 15 feet in the air from the blast of the blow. He ends up landing on top

and the outside of the arena. Yes! Landing strewn across the steps that lead to the edge of the sandpit, and there's just quiet in the chamber. As he stands, they're breathing heavily, covered in blood. There's spatters of blood all across the sand, and Grunge is lying there, unconscious, breathing. We're just screaming our asses. You guys are yelling. You're running down, right, wait, wait, wait, stay there. At this point, there, because there's the the opening at the top of the temple.

All right. There's a rumbling sound, up above. What? And there's a small spark of energy that up above, streaks down and it hits Groon, like a very faint lightning bolt, just out of the sky, and Groon rises up on the side, his eyes,

just vibrant, bright, almost glowing. He stands back up, and then he's still covered His own blood, he's wrecked. You can see parts of his body with a muscle swollen. One arm appears to be just almost ruined. But he slands right in front of you. A little bit of pee comes up. Everybody's peeing. Everybody's peeing. Join the body. The court smiles upon you. As you can look up and you hear the rolling again.

And two bolts. come streaking out of the top of the temple down towards Grog, and slamming into what you think your body, you instinctually pull down and hunker as an animal and a thunderstorm would, but you feel the warmth as your gauntlets, all of a sudden flash with electrical energy, and you look down as all the ruins and the sides and the chains are now glowing with divine energy.

You're a magician. As the roiling kind of comes to a close, you hear the of thunder begin to subside, and you feel the kind of the smell of burnt sky and ozone and around you begin to subside. Still looking down at the energy pulsing through the gauntlets. Groon is still there standing, kind of looking up at you and just goes, continue with your journey. Kind of just looks at you, waiting for some sort of response.

I'll walk over to him, a bow. And then I reach out one of the two of the two. tight and so knuckles, cord strength to you. Slams and pulls you in, and in intensity, you feel his fingers crack. Even though these newly imbued gontlets there, you won't feel the tension as his grip is still strange. You expect that they could be powerful enough

to crush the gauntlet with his bare fingers. He just pulls you in from your giant form down. The strength is immense, and kind of pulled down into his form. He looks you straight up face to face, but an inch away. What? have you learned. Without the love of my friends, life has no meaning,

and I would be nothing. And how will you utilize this knowledge? I will make their strength mine and my strength their own. And in turn, I will try to make the world a better place than I found it. His grip pulls off,

and he withdraws his arm, and releases you back to your full, standing pose. Now at your enlarged form, gargantuan in the center of this temple space, his once in very intimidating form, diminutive by comparison to Grog's full structure, looks up and nods. I thank you. I really, I thank you.

I've never gone that far in a battle before. I didn't even know that was possible. This was incredible. I'm talking a lot, aren't I? I have a bit of a man crush. Yes, you are. Thank you, and I turn and I walk back to my friends. As you make your way back, Groon steps and leaps back out onto the opposite side. You can see up on the platform on the opposite end of the sandpit there is a silver, somewhat tarnished but still functional bell.

And he walks over to the side of it, grabs the rope and just Bov-v-vo-woo. Bo-vo-vo. And you watch as all the different corners, the empty temple, all the priests of Cork, begin to wander back in, who had exited previously, as was the request, it seems, of Earth-Bigger Groon, knowing that you were coming. Oh, my gosh.

They all just soundly enter and kind of nod and bow in your direction as you make your way towards your friends. You acknowledge it, but it doesn't slow you, it doesn't stop you. There's still your focus. You guys watch as Grog. Approaches, bloodied, beaten, barely conscious, one eyes, like the lid is kind of drooping a bit. And even though he's strong in his stride,

there's still a shake with his knees, but he doesn't show that weakness. He keeps pushing towards you with a slight smile through his bearded face. Guys, if we could just, like, make our way out of here and as cool away as possible, if our foe, just pick me up like weekend at Bernice, okay? Pike stands next to him and says,

Don't worry, you won't fall. And she casts, um, cure whatever if you fucking heal. Cure. Cure things. You have the spell. No, no, no, I gave him back to Ashley. No, I mean, Vex has the spell. Pike, Cure, okay, but she can do better than Vex can.

She has the spell. Cyan skin. Cure things. Sure. I rolled it for you. So you heal eight hit points. Eight points. That way you're standing and you have to wobble.

I'm back at 9. Let's get you some ale, big man. You've burned it. That sounds great. Grog. Yeah. That was fucking amazing. Right, I got stuck by lightning, you guys.

I mean, you did. Wait, look at your gauntlets. What? They're glowing. Oh shit, they are. What do they're available to do? Like all the time? What?

What? A piece of paper. Just for clarification, that all took place in Super Nintendo graphics, right? graphics, right? Oh yeah. 16 bit? As we walk out, Keelot throws a little gust cantrip to like kick up the dust behind us,

so it just looks really like dusty and epic as we walk off into the sunset. You guys walk off the silhouetted most of Vox Machina with one giant grog form stepping through. You exit the trial forge into the rest of Basselahim. We'll go ahead and take a break there. Oh, wow. What does it do? What does it do? What does it do?

And it's exalted for my strength. becomes 26. Oh, gosh. So plus eight, right? Yeah. When I use enlarge now, I gain resistance to fire, cold, lightning for 10 minutes. Imagine if we had done that before we went for the dragons.

Hey, you know. Little John was good for us. Never would we see fire, cold, and lightnings. You barely eagued out that victory. I know. It's lightning fire and what? Double damage. Cold.

And cold. And cold? And lightning fire and cold and double damage? Yeah. So even more stuff. Oh, double damage is not. Double damage is not objects and structures. He had that previously.

Yeah. But that's a lot of resistance to a lot of things. And 26 is a disgusting number. It's a disgusting number. It's good. So it's two more than what you had. So everything goes up plus one damage to hit. Damn.

My alma does that too, but it only makes me smell bad. It doesn't affect my spread. Cool. That was awesome. All right guys, we're gonna take quick break. Get the restroom, get some snacks, and we'll be back here in a few minutes. Thank you again.

See you in a second. Good one, and welcome back to Critical Roll. So, picking up where we left off, Vox Machina is now exiting the Trial Forge into the braving grounds Grog with the recently reinforced Titan stone gauntlets by the strength of cord

through your duel with Earthbreaker Groom. Earthbreaker Groome. Yeah. What do they do? What do they do? I don't know. You know what?

We'll probably have to fight somebody to find out. Let's find the first person outside of here. Well, I mean, okay. Sure, no. Well, maybe we can find an old building and you can just destroy it. Old woman. Red mist. Small one.

That's how wrong was beaten the death with a purse. It's technically one point he may go down. Yeah. An old lady trying to cross the street. I'm at nine. That's a crog. Nine hit points. Nine hit points.

He did just take down an old man, so our streak against the elderly is going strong. Continuous. You have the hit points of a kitten right now. Oh, right, well I do. I am fond of cats. I'm pretty sure kittens have less hit points than that. Yeah, like five, right?

Five. I would have had level one characters unless his points isn't been a kitten, and that would be the saddest thing ever. We've worked it out at one point. We didn't do the math at one point. Five is way too. At level one, you can have five hit points as a person.

And there's like two hit points. There's gonna be a very tough kitten. I mean, if you're a wizard. What we're saying is kitten is the baseline hit point counter at onions and dragons. Yes. Can we count hit points in kitten strength button by now? I'm used like three hit dice.

I'm at 12 kittens. Jules. That's the kittens. That's what the air machines run on. That's what the air machines run on. Man, thanks for not jumping in doing that. That was like, it was very personal. That was really hard to not.

Anytime, you're very welcome. Yeah, thank you. For a second there, grog, for a second. Well, for a couple seconds. Well, no, I did, didn't you not see? I missed it. Your back was turned for so much of the time. It was amazing.

Encore. No? No. Well, I mean we're outside. All right. Don't. I'm so sad Scanning wasn't here for this, so. I know.

I would have loved that. Yeah, seriously. I feel like we should go celebrate and drink, but it wouldn't feel right without him. No, I need like a million potions and maybe some attractive naked women to like heal me back to my full health. It has been a while for you, hasn't it, Grock? Yeah, yeah, I'm real cranky, so like I need bandages and maybe some bondage and just all the women. Those things go together. Good.

Yeah, like a B&B, right? Yeah, that's exactly what B&B means. Dot com. If that's what the letters for those words are. How long has Scamlin been out for? At this point in time, Scalyn's been out for, I'd say, almost a day. Gosh, I'd like to go get him,

but I really want him to wake up of his own accord. I mean, we could try and head back to Whitestone and get Grog healed up and check in on Scanlan. I think that'd be good. Maybe we get some potions before we head out here because everyone's low. I'll just stop by the store and pick up some health potions. There are nice stores here. We haven't even like proper shop to the wall. It's true. Vasselheim hasn't like been touched, right?

Yeah, that's good. From what you know on the tongue clave, no. I mean, we've got fucking shit to sell and stuff to buy. But that's kind of a thing. Well, we can. Plus, it's simple, we should check out the stuff we got out of that den where Rosh are. I figured we should definitely do the research. Both we need to look at.

Scantlin's sleeping it off? I mean, we're in Vasselheim. We just bounced across miles and miles. We're here. Yeah. You're sleeping it off? I know. Yeah?

No, it's fine. It's fine. I'm just sitting here. No big time. I'm having a great dream. I wonder what Scanlan would say if he were here right now. Fucker, come back and get me! Yes, yes.

He's asleep. Very asleep. Do some shopping. What's a plan? Do quick shopping and then head home and look at all the things. A quick buying of potions is there. I just want to get some stuff. Make an investigation trick.

I should have shaken that, so just... Yeah. 14. Okay. With a cursory glance of the area of the cross of the quad roads that she previously went to for, you know, the acquiring of various tonics and salves and in healing liquids, you do find a new, a nice establishment that's just recently been built. And as you enter to check in, the gentleman at the front looks up at you and is a familiar looking. And is a familiar looking, he goes,

can I help you with it? No, you're not welcome, leave, now, out, please. And these two bouncers can I step out? Are you the car guy? The fucking, who? Please, no, not her, please. I didn't abuse him, everyone else abused him. I was very kind to you.

Your business is welcome here, goodbye. Excuse me, has anyone seen my friend Beck? Jewel. Beautiful salesman, carrier of all delightful things. See, we're friends. We're all friends here. What, was he uncomfortable seeing you or something? Yeah, he said he didn't like me very much. I can't imagine why.

I can't imagine why. What do you want for me? Just in patience. You don't have many. What's you got? We can do business, we cannot. All right, I'll just stand next to him while you do business. You're not welcome in my establishment.

I'm really hard of hearing, like I've been working. I can yell! Can you understand that? No, it's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just smuffled for him. Well, our stocks have been running low since last time you came through. We don't have much. It puts up a small leather case.

It is such a shame. Did you tell him already that we have like a whole kingdom's worth of jewelry and like gold dispense? I'm really tired of carrying it. It is so unfortunate. You know, the saviors of Amon, the saviors of the world really, and he doesn't even care. I thought I'd lighten this backpack a little. I really don't care. I have four healing potions and one greater.

That is all I have. That's it? That's it. Do you want it? No, then good day. No, no, we... You know what, I don't like him. I don't even want to buy it from him. You go ahead, you go ahead and leave.

No, please don't, don't, don't shop without me. I'm just gonna yell at him really loud. No, I'm standing here. I can't, I can't let you do this. Could you please just escort them out of the... No, no, we'll take it. We'll take it. How much for the four healing potions and the one greater?

$1,500 dollars pieces. I don't know me personally if that is a good amount, but Vex would know, is that a good amount or is that a shit amount? Based on your previous dealings with this individual, the fact that you're getting a price at all, is good. But it's not a good price. but it's not a good market price. But it's also a buyer's market right now.

I know how to do this. I'll take a bag of gold and I pull it onto the desk. Just a pile of gold. Grog, do not do this. Please, please, please. Did you, did you, I just scoop it back into your little, hold out your pouch, Grog. Do you know what healing potions or what?

He starts putting it back in the leather case. I don't want, I don't want his healing potions. I think those aren't even real healing potions. I think there's probably like water, color. Probably, yes, you're right. You are, they are colored liquid of no particular word.

You're right, leave, be gone. Every time. But we didn't, we, we, Grog, please. Vex. We are so rich. They'll lean in the door and say, you've been in there long enough to pay rent, what is going on.

Bax, will you come in here a minute? Uh, yeah. Will you please tell your sister that we have enough money to fund several, um, like, townships and that this guy wants 1,500 gold for four healing potions? We have almost money. And a greater healing potion. Is she being a pain in the glass? Five healing potions, really. We're not begging in Stillburn. We can give the guy some fucking coins so we can get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, but this guy's mean. My time is valuable. Will you pay him so we can go, please? You're also royalty. You should show peasants like how to act, you know, slip off a lip-p-p-p-pub. I'm so well at the man's room. That's true. My time is valuable. I am a lady, and ladies treat much and swell. And they don't hold grudges, I hear, because they're ladies and they're above it.

So here, take this 1,500 gold. I'm going to count it out for you, Grog. It's below him. It's beneath him. beneath him to count this gold. He's also a lord. There you are. Come on, Grand Poo-Bah. All he hears is fart noises, and I grab her by the mouth and I drag her out the door. Oh my God. He ends the potions over to Grog. Very well. Enjoy your day. And I'd be wary of keeping her as your business contact. She's a bit abrasive. Yeah, I know this. You've moved up in the world. This is really nice. I'm sharing it with a few folks. That's sort of a partnership, but yes.

Is it working out for you? Well, I've had to hire bodyguards, if that's any indication. If I wanted your name, if I wanted to call on you later, because it seems like as fallback as I can remember, we've run into you quite a bit. No, just a couple times.

Just a couple times. Do you have a name? Sidrick Gilzman. All right, I will not remember that. Who? It's the guy. By the way, do you have any like, um.

Like limited exclusive items and like top shelf, right? Like your most elite. Paying customers only. Did you say a leak? I generally just run the realm of healing bombs and salves. Right. My partner does a bit more than that, but he's out currently picking up a shipment

and we'll be back in a few days. Where's the shipment from? Are you there? Who are you? He came out? I thought he came out. No. No.

No. No. Who's it, where's he getting his shipment from? Do you trust your partner? Where we gotta'am? I do, and I don't trust you enough to tell you this information. I'll give him ten gold for the information. Thank you. That is very generous.

I don't know. Oh. And he gives the ten gold back. Oh. Now, I thank you. For your time, Puba out, and I leave. All right. Look, I know that was hard for you.

He was very apologetic. Was he? Yep. He was, yep. Grog, he took advantage of you before. No, I didn't. No, look, his hands were on that side of the counter the whole time. Oh. Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, all right, then. Yeah, here, these are for you. Thanks, darling. Which one do you want? No, I don't want any. I need more of the hands-on healing, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying. I cause kill wounds on him. Level four, bitch.

Oh, wow. 428. 48. 48 plus your wisdom modifier. What does that mean? It's like you gave him an ice cream. You're just going to be running around sugar high for the rest of the day. Never going to burn that off.

Yeah, the Mickey Mouse shaped ones. Those are great with the ears. 22. Got hold those. So who needs the greater? I'm all right. Give it to others. Maybe we could take a short right.

and let me heal up for a second. Once we land somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going home, right? You want to rest in a tavern? Well, I mean, maybe you need to go somewhere. Oh, see. Great.

Thank you. Then I pass out the other healing potions between. Where I have to go is a little more involved. Oh. Yeah. Are you gonna slide by the simple? I scoop you by the arm and take you off for a minute. You know, I want to come back here sometime.

One, I would love to go to the velvet cabaret again, you know, just like a date night. Oh, that was great, yeah. Yeah, but without somebody trying to kill us. Oh my gosh, that was before we were together. That was good times. I'd like to go back without somebody trying to murder any of us though.

Right, yeah. That aside. Yeah, yeah. I do have to go to the temple, but I don't want to go. Why are you saying it like you have to go to the toilet? Because that's kind of what it's like. Does it feel like that? Yeah, okay, yeah.

Yeah, there is another shoe that's going to drop, probably, eventually. We should probably pass that, I think. Do you... I want to get back to... His Percy Wall was by. No, I don't walk by, I just am amazed that no one remembers that we can hear everything over these earpieces. No, you have to be touching. You have to be waiting about it. No, you have to hit send, my friend.

You have to hit send. I can remember with cell phones, I'll listen to see her. Carry on, carry on. Her other shoe is going to drop eventually, and I'm not, I'm not ready for that. What are you afraid of? What do you think she's gonna ask of you? Think she's gonna cash in on that bargain? Why wouldn't she? I thought you already considered paid up in a way.

I don't know. I don't know. Sure. But I feel like being a little selfish and taking a little time and when she wants me, because she's not talking to me at the moment, to me at the moment. When she wants me, she'll call. So I'd like a little time. Do you, okay, what are you asking of me right now? Just to come back, down the road. Later. Yeah. Do you want to go now?

No. While we're here? No. You're sure. Very sure. I mean, okay, so what, just getting this straight, what you're proposing is a Raven Queen slash Velvet Date Night. Visit back to Vasteland Well, I don't know what's going to happen. Like you go to church and then we go to the casino? I'd probably do it the other way around. Sure. Because I don't know what's going to happen at the church.

I'm talking months unless she rings, okay? I just want to spend some time with you, you know, before I have to do whatever the fuck she wants. She's going to collect. My sister is walking around and breathing. Still. Okay. Shocking as that is.

I mean, the fact that any of us are still doing that is impressive at this point. Okay, so that'll be, that's a good date night to look forward to. Let's go home, I guess. Let's at least go see if little lover boy is walking up. We've got potions. Way down the way. Sure. Are you sure you don't want to just hop in the Raven Spa tonight? Hey, Keyleth.

Oh. Jesus. Sorry, I just finished finding those potions. So do you want to, do you want to get back to White Stone? You're a little, you look a little sweaty. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. That little vein on the side of the forehead.

You know what, we've made a lot of money. The Julia Roberts vein. I'm like, who? I really do get that thing now. I really do. But no, I'm okay. We're fine. Everything's fine, except Scanlan's still unconscious,

so maybe we should go see if he's all right. You're right, you're right, all right, let's go. Everything's fine here too, by the way. Good, good, you guys didn't seem awkward at all. No, we're not awkward. How do we get back? How do we get back? A tree, can you still do a tree stride?

I can do a tree. That's true true. We gotta leave the city, though, right? Out of respect. No, I don't think you have to. Oh. Druid magic's different. It's not like showy wizard magic.

These rules confuse me, but okay. Like the wizard magic is like Broadway music. Yeah, it's like jazz hands. Yeah, natural magic. And druid magic is like modern dance. Community theater. Bratian theater. Oh!

If wizardry is Bob Fosse, druidism is Twyla Tharp. There you go. Wow, we went there. It was good. I might know my modern choreographers, okay? Let's go back to Whitestone. All righty.

So you find your way back to the Abundant Terrace where you find a similar size tree to what you arrived in. Using transport via plants, you transport yourself back to White Stone stepping out of the Sun Tree, make your way where else you would like to within White Stone. It does not make that sound if that's what you are trying to do. It does not sound like that. That is not canon. I'm pretty sure that's right out here. They don't part, they poot, okay?

I just start heading towards the castle. It's the air shari man. I start heading towards the castle. On the way there, I ask person, personally, I know the city's being rebuilt and everything, but do you think there will ever be like a pleasure hall or a house of bosoms or, you know, I mean I just want to put out like a couple of ideas as like a city founder. Of course it has one. Do I happen to know where it is or do I not? I mean, it hasn't been really functioning. It's pretty empty right now.

I feel like it would be the sort of thing that would have just existed for fuck all ever. No, no, yeah. Yeah, I mean, the White Stone has had, there was generally, there were two brothels, one was destroyed in the Briar Woods run. Is one called the House of Bussoms? Better be. Well, as one of the titled Masters of Whitestone, it kid very well in the near future. Just tell me, it's like I added to the campaign guide. I'll come up with something.

International House of those. Thank you. With all the flags. Oh, wow. Would I possibly know this? And six different syrups to choose from in each room. Oh, the silver dollar. You know what?

Make a history check. A history check? That's soap truck. Okay. A natural 20. Is it really? That's a natural 20 with my history is a... Poor check.

That's a 30. Like Percy, like no. You've never been to it, but you recall one of your older brothers who is of age. We're asking a question about it. Did return and tell stories of a house of flesh and pleasure. Thank God. You don't recall its name, but you know that it existed somewhere

in the western side of the city, and within a short period of time, you could lead him to it. Okay. And also that they serve a pancake cream. There's a pancake branch. With like chocolate chips in a smiley face. The ancient Sumerians are being pretty with supernics.

I'm honestly not sure, I would really have to think about it. I don't know if such a thing exists. Well, I'm just saying, you know, if you need to lean on me to develop that sort of the economy again, I'm here for your buddy. That's good to know. Okay. That's good to know. Excellent.

Let's go find Skedlund. I wonder if he's awake yet. Search for him. Wherever he might be. Where do you come again? I think strapped up and covered in mayonnaise. Pudding, pudding. Pudding.

So you guys find your way back to Castle Whitestone upwards to Scanlan's room. The door's partially a jar. On the inside, you see Kaylee is actually asleep. She's sitting on a stool next to the bed, and she is, her head's kind of down, and she's very lightly snoring. And there in the bed, as you left him, is Scanlan.

His arms are still up? Well, he's been turned. Okay. We've had people taking care of that. Is Kaylee sitting in the chair now? Or is she leaning back? No, she's leaning back in a chair and is passed out. Can I please not the chair on the bed?

Can I please not the legs in the chair out for one out? I think they're used to some tomfillery. It's up to you, Grove. Yeah. I walk over and I just kick the back leg of the chair out so she falls down. Oh my God, these chairs are so old. Cheers are so old. Are you all right? Oh, I'm gonna remember that.

All right, man. It's been bad for my nuts later, sorry. How are you, Kaylee? She looks groggy and slightly hung over, and is like, alright. So you've all come back? He isn't really doing nothing. She kind of smacks him on the side of the face

and wipe some of the pudding off. You hear just ever sort of, so faintly as you kind of are coming out of your stupor you hear the sounds like voices muffled and it comes to it you hear sounds like Grog and then it sounds like Kaylee and then something hits you in the cheek and you feel a slight tinge of pain like a flick but your eyes begin to blink and you guys watch the Scanlan begins to stir how long has he been like this who did this to him I have no idea he let takes a little bit of the gunk off and What is it?

It's like a vanilla custard. That's fucking foul, Kaileth. Look, how do you think druids discover things? Okay, someone has to figure out what's poison and what's not? They lick them, apparently. It's a little sour. This is funny. This is funny.

Hello. You guys, here's Scanlan talking. Let's go. Scallan! Hi. Hey, buddy. Welcome back. I feel like.

Ah. Where am I? You missed all the fun. What's going on? Where am I? Use the afterlife, Scenna. You've gone to the good place. Your hands are bound up over your head currently. And you are dressed in a nightgown, and your room and yourself are,

there's spatters of pudding everywhere. What's going on? Why am I like this? Where am I? You don't remember? No. Is the dragon alive? No, you killed it. And then we all celebrated and you had a big orgy.

Yeah, you proposed to this woman downstairs and this is your bachelor party. You clearly have some very intense dreams, Scanlon. I feel like you're fucking with me. And you hear Kiley's voice. He goes, oh, you think that? Probably very true. What are you doing here?

Well, apparently your friends brought me along to make sure that you walk up nice and right. They brought you here? Aye. Where are we in Whitestone? Yeah. And the dragon is very dead. Very, very dead.

But you are not. And that's very important. Kaylee, could you excuse us a moment? Aye, but at the very least she reaches over and undoes the bindings on your wrists. Your fingers are a little numb. You pull it back and you kind of rub them instinctually. She was, don't take too long.

I've got mine to speak to you in a minute. Kaylee. Aye? Thank you. Sure. She just kind of storms past and pushes a little gnome figure, kind of pushing through the crowd of Vox Machina and out of the room. I'm sorry. I fell again.

Um, can someone answer me one thing, though? Who got Kaylee? Who brought Kaylee here? Sit down on the bed with you. But it just seemed like the logical thing to do, dear. Why the fuck would you do that? Right. Well, because you seem-

I promised her I wasn't going to die, and you showed her my dead body. You thought that was a good idea? What? You'd rather she just discovered on her own? No, I'd rather she never know. Scanlan, she came here. She helped bring you back.

You know what that means, right? Yes, I do, unfortunately. You think it's bad that she cares about you? I think it's bad that she thinks that I'm an oath-breaker, that I am weak, that I failed in my promise to her. Scanlan. That everything she thought of me when she found me is is confirmed now that I can't be trusted

and I can't protect her. Scanlan, she thought nothing of you when you met her, all right? The fact that she showed up here and saw that you gave your life for a greater cause, that's so much more important than any any promise you made. I hope that's true.

I think it is. She didn't run away. And after the fact she stayed here and looked after you, You should have heard her play. I did. I think. I heard music. I heard Pike. Wait. You heard? You heard? I heard voices. I heard Pike saying a poem. And I heard someone playing music. Was that it? Yes.

All your daughter knows is that she stood against great evil overtaking an entire continent. That's nothing to sneeze at, Scanlan. She also knows that I fell and that my friends thought it would be funny to put me in a fucking nightgown and spread pudding all over me. That was me. And bring my lifeless body and show her how weak her father is. That's what she saw. I made a promise. and I broke it, and you proved it to her. And I wish you hadn't meddled in my affairs. I don't have many things that I care about,

and I don't have anything that cares about me. That's a lie. That is bullshit. That's full bullshit. What? You think you care about me? Yes, asshole, yes. Yes, I'm sorry, you're right. You like me, because I make jokes, and I play songs.

and I give you a warm place to stay at night, and I feed you fucking chicken, and I heal you in battle. But you don't really care about me. Come on, let's be honest with each other. You don't really give a shit about me, do you? I've changed my outlook on life because of you. What the fuck are you talking about?

Of course we all love you. You could crush me in a second. Prove it. How? What do you want us to do? We traveled into the fucking nine hells to get Pike a suit of armor. We went and battled us a suit of armor.

and battled a city of vampires so Percy could feel good about his name. We fought Goliaths for Grog. We've traveled across planes of existence so you could fix your fucking daddy issues. But you've never done anything for me, ever! You've never risked anything, you don't know me, you don't know anything about me. What's my mother's name? What's her name?

Easy question. Died in front of me. Killed by a goblin, biggest part of my life. What's her name? My father, is he alive or dead? How old am I? Where's my fucking dog? You don't care about me.

We did get your dog. Did you? No, we did. No, we did. I've asked you your age. I thought I did the magic search. No. Fucking help.

It's fine. I'm just a little hungover for being dead, And I just have been thinking for a while that, you know, Grog has Pike, Vax has Kieleth, Percy has Vex, but Scanlan has no one. And I had one chance at one real relationship with my daughter, and I feel like you go on and fucked it up too, because you don't really know me and you don't really know what my relationship is with her, what I promised her, or anything really.

And it's fine. When I met you all, I was just, I was just a funny little man playing songs. And that's all I'll ever really be. And that's okay, because I can take care of myself. You don't have to, Scanman. Nobody knew that any of this was going on. How many times have we asked you if you're all right

and you just laugh and joke? We can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on. I don't need your help. Well, apparently you do, darling. Well, I don't like that very much at all. Get used to it. Nobody likes needing someone. Scanlan, do you think any of us could have gotten here

without each other? I thought you knew that more than the rest of us. Maybe we just thought you didn't need us as much as you felt like we didn't. I thought you were the only one who had everything figured out. I did too. Then I must be a very good liar. You are.

You are. I thought for months, what happened I got figured out that Scanlan has got figured out? I've been trapped in the mud for months, wondering what I could do to get where you are. Scalind, you fucking save the world with us. And if your daughter can't see this, that, then she can't see anything. Yeah, if you really respected me, you wouldn't pick me

up like some sort of dwarf and pick me up and put me down and take off your fucking armor and treat me like a fucking child. You've thrown some of us like baseballs. I don't know what that is. Scanlan, do you wish we wouldn't have brought you back? Should we not have done that? I just wish you wouldn't have brought her into this. Scanlan, I had one shot with her and now how How will I ever show her that I can be trusted? How will I ever show her that I can protect her? Well, maybe you should fucking talk to her.

Yeah, you think you are a better father than most of us have ever had. You're right, I should talk to her. You should. I should. I should. Don't treat her like a fucking sacred object. Treat her like a daughter, Scanlon.

Fine, you're right, I will. I will. I'll talk to her. Listen, I don't know what adventure we're going on next, but I think you should. should go without me. Really? If X is right, I should talk to her, I should be here for her. I don't know why I wasn't with her in the first place.

I didn't need to go with you to kill the dragons. I should have just been with her in the first place. It's probably just scared to. I should just be her father and stay. Could I ask you a question? Yeah. No. Oh, please, not that music.

That music gives me nightmares. from my childhood. Could we get something a little bit lighter, some lighter music here? Are you a fan of true crime TV shows? And what about Unsolved Mysteries? The show that jumped started all of our love of True Crime.

I'm Ellen Marsh. And I'm Joey Taranto. And we host, I Think Not, a true crime comedy podcast covering some of the wildest stories from your favorite true crime can't be TV shows all the way to Unsolved Mysteries.

Baby, you will laugh, you will cry. You'll think about true crime in a whole new way, and you'll also ask yourself, who gave these people mics? New episodes of I Think Not are released every Wednesday with bonus episodes out every Thursday on Patreon. And every Monday you can listen to our True Crime Rundown, where we go over the top true crime headlines of the week. So come and join us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Look, there are a lot of celebrity interview podcasts out there, but there's only one happy, sad, confused.

I'm Josh Horowitz, and yeah, I'm the host of the show, so I'm a little biased, but truly, Happy, Sad, Confused is the place for nerdy and intimate conversations with all your favorite actors and filmmakers. From Andrew Garfield and Scarlethawanson to Christopher Nolan, casting what-ifs, backstage stories, and much more. Listen to Happy Say I Confused on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. I will not go hoaring with you one more time. No, I was going to ask you what your mother's name is. It's Juniper. I'm sorry I didn't know that

Thank you for asking Is your father still alive? I don't really know He makes things Made things, I don't know His name is Vickul I'm glad you're back Whatever you want to do now that you are

It's up to you mate I'm sorry if we had selfish intentions We did I have selfish Yeah, Grog knows what I'm trying to say. We didn't think about those things. We didn't. We thought about what you meant to us.

It may not feel like much to us, it feels like a bit. But now that you're here. And Scanlan, as much as you can say that you were just the funny guy who played music and made jokes, I don't think you realize how desperate. We need that. That's nothing to scoff at. That's not a talent that many of us naturally possess. You've taught me so much about the brightness of the world and to look at the light side of things. I guess it's just easier to laugh at the world when you don't care about it.

But that's not true. You do care. I know. That's why he's an asshole now. We've never had one conversation you and I about my mother where my sister and I came from. Did you know Thorac killed her? I think that's come up. We've never talked about it, not once.

Because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't push into your private life. If you wanted to talk to me and you did about your daughter, about your daughter, we did. We talked in the sewers of Western about your daughter, because you wanted to talk about her. We love you, Scanlan. And if you want to talk about your mother or your father, we will. You have not been exactly forthcoming. That's fair. I haven't been. But I also don't. I don't have anyone. I don't. I have to take care of myself. That's all.

We have survived a fucking hellscape, all of us. I didn't. You were standing before me, talking to me. You did. I did not. I died twice. That's fucking semantics. In a row.

Short halt. You've been brought back. You're standing here. Your daughter is there and needs you. I'm being kept alive by some fucked up weird magic. Before I met you people, I would have never The worst I would have gotten in is a bar fight, and I would have won,

because I would have been a liar and a cheater. And now I, I didn't help any of you in the last fight. I didn't do anything. A fight before that, I didn't do anything. I'm useless. No, you're not. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm out of my league. I'm out of my league, listen, it was fun.

It's fun. It really has been fun to travel with six legends. It's fun. It's fun to say that your friends are legendary fighters. It's fun. Excuse me. Speaking as someone who has been fucking depressed for a long time, look me in the eye.

I was shit for months. And you're one of the main reasons I am out of that now. We would be dead, all of us, if it weren't for you. The first time we fought Ryshon, we would all be dead. You are in a pity party right now, and I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry you're hurting, and I love you. But you are lying to yourself that you've been of no use to us. You are lying to yourself. If you want to retire, if you want to go off with your daughter, that's fucking wonderful.

I encourage you to do it, but don't lie to yourself. Well, that's just it. I'm a really good lie. Just give me some time. Hey guys, we're friends, right? Are we friends? Worse. Family.

And for fuck's sake, sir, I will say I died in that fight too. It's not fun, is it? No. And let me tell you something. There's whatever lie you were trying to feed your daughter out there about the man she thought you might be that you just thought you could tell her and then she would walk away never actually meet you or get to know you,

so that maybe she would never see what a shit you can be. And you can be a shit. That fucking girl out there is a shit too. She's a miserable, lying shit. Fuck's sake, the thing that brought her back here was the things about you that you don't like about yourself, and don't think that they don't count either. You're a shitty person, we know.

That's not the fucking point. The point is for just one, One moment, one moment, once in a blue bloody moon, you come through in a way that others can't, and you do it, and we love you for it, and you are worthwhile. There's a reason we just nearly went mad trying to bring you back. It was not pity, and we didn't bring here, we brought her here so that maybe she would snap you out of wherever the fuck you were going to. And I know you're not out of there yet.

I've been where you are and I know it's shit. And I would really recommend as somebody who misses an awful lot of people that you are honest with that girl and maybe discover that she actually likes you as a person. Because you are actually likable as a person I know it's coming out of my mouth.

I can feel the shit from it, but it's true. For fuck's sake. Get to know her and stop making false promises that you can protect her and you'll always be there because you can't and you won't. No one can. And you're fucking lying and it's sick. Be a man. Be a man.

I've seen you be a man. I know you can fucking do it. And when you're done with that and we will leave you with that fucking shit girl, I would like you to look up my parents' name, you can find it on every fifth hallway in this fucking city. And I'm out. Do you the room? Yeah.

Okay, as you push the door open, it's still partially a jar, and as you push it open, leaning against the wall just by the door is Kaylee, and you can see she has tears, dream of her face. I give her a big hug, a kiss on the forehead, and she doesn't let you. As soon as you go for her, she just kind of smacks it away, turns into the room. and just walks past everyone and grabs her bag off the ground, slings it over her shoulder, grabs her violin case. So you're coming? Yeah.

Be waiting for her downstairs. And she walks out. Really? Just like that? I have to. Where are you gonna go? What are you gonna do? I'm just gonna be a short haul for a while, and I'm just gonna figure out what that means. And it's great being part of a team, but you gotta know

who you are first. So I gotta go figure that out, and I gotta go figure out what she is too. And when I do, I'll come back and find you. And if you really need a place to stay, I advise you to buy some tents because you won't have a mansion anymore. I know you'll be fine because you all have each other.

But for now, I just have to have me for a while. I love you all. I even love Percy. and his parents, Frederick and Johanna. And I'll go with Kaylee. Boy, I'll reach in a bag of holding and I grab my salt lick rock. I toss it to Scanlan.

What's this? It's yours now. When you miss us, I know you will. Give it a lick. I will. You got the gate stone off the end table where we left it with him and... with him and hand it over to you as well.

You'll need this. I'd rather it go to you. When Vax tries to give you something, you take it. Don't die. Scanlan, we'll miss you. I hope so. And, well, you said I was right. Let's pick up that conversation later.

I'll go out the door. As he walks down the hall, you hear his feet across the stone echo quieter and quieter until you can't hear it anymore. You all stand in, it's done silence in the chamber. Just pick up a pillow on the bed and throw it at the door. Pof! It opens slightly, the pillow lays in the ground. Smattered with vanilla pudding.

Did he take all of his things with him? I would say he would have grabbed his things as he left, yeah. Well, that didn't go like I thought it would. Kind of wish we would have gone drinking in Bersenheim now. time now. We might have missed him if we had. We save the continent. Why does everything feel like shit? He's alive. That's what really matters. But he's our liar, Grog. And he hates us now. He doesn't hate us. I just think we've all just discovered that maybe we have a lot more

secrets about ourselves than we've all ever let on. We need time. We have that. Fuck him. Fuck him for not say anything sooner. I don't know. And fuck us for not asking. I think Percy's right. We're worse than friends. We're family.

And family leaves. Can we not be family? Can we, like, redact that? I don't think so. I think it's too late. I step out into the hallway. Do I see Percy at all? I'm around the corner, up on the, I'm outside. If you went far enough, you'd see me. Eventually find Bruce, yeah. Hi.

Hi. Rough one, Matt. Question. Yeah. Do you have any like sneaky people in your employ here at the castle? Of course. Wouldn't you feel better if we had someone just keeping an eye on them? A bit explosive, the two of them together. I'm torn. I don't know if you'd like that.

If I care. I don't know if I do either. I keep thinking I could just shout right now, and half a dozen guards would stop them. It'd be half a dozen dead guards, though. Oh, well, that's half a dozen dead guards these days. Good point. This tale of a brothel on the west end of White's...

I don't know if it still exists, but I'm sure if you go drinking in that area, you might find something. Sorry. No, yeah, yeah. I'll go give it a look. When you're in the mood. That was good.

Yeah. I'll be back after nightfall. I'm gonna go out for a bit. Grog? Yeah. I know we don't always agree, and I know that I can be unkind, but you know your family, right? I don't know much, but I do know that.

It's nice having an older brother again. So what, just the half-elves are left alone? In a room covered in pudding? Yeah, yeah, basically. Right a pain at half-in-thap- Crying. Yeah, crying in your pudding room. Angry.

I think crying in your pudding is actually a British saying. Yeah. Do you think if we would have not covered the room in pudding that he would have stalled. I started cleaning it up. Well, he seemed pretty pissed that I went and got Kaylee, even though he ran away with her at the first chance he had. And you had to stay in a shitty B&B, a brothel.

Did you? See, Pike is still kind of shaking her fist in the corner right now. She isn't saying anything on this whole exchange. She's a bunch. Pike, are you okay? How you doing, Pickle? All right, Pike. Right.

He needs to do this. Right? He needs to do this. He says he does. What do we need to do? I have no fucking clue. I need you get a drink. We can always go back to Vasselheim

and pick up on that whole drinking. I don't want to go anywhere, Kuling. Yeah. I don't want to go back to Passelheim. I mean, we can drink anywhere. Fasselheim doesn't have to be in that equation. Where else do we have to go? Away from here.

I just want to be away from here. Pike. I have to go to the water ashari. I have to. And before too long, we have a demon who wants you and I dead. And unless we want to be shipped in the night, we have to deal with it. All right. Anything else? Pike, you know the Osmit Sea, you've sailed it, yeah? It's been a while, but yeah. I might need you for the water ashari.

Can't do that. But it seems like I guess all of us are picking up on our own individual paths from here, I guess. Why can't we still help us show they're out? We can, of course we can. Pike. His path is his only has to do his thing alone. We don't have to be alone. No, no, we don't. We just want to slow things down for a while. It's been a long couple of months. I mean, is Scanlan right?

Have we become too close to each other? Do we need to all take our individual time like we've done in the past? We need to not have our lives on the line every day for a little while, or ever. Retirement's not a terrible idea. I mean, what's the takeaway here from Scanlan? Can't hold any.

in. But you know that I've always looked up to you for everything, that I've tried to model myself after you. Do you know that? And you, you know that she's my best friend, right? You know that. You know that I am madly in love with her, right? You know that, right? We don't need to joke about it or dance around it anymore. You know that I'm in love with her, right? Obviously. Obviously. What are you getting at, facts? I just don't, he left because he felt like we didn't know him. I'm scared to death about what I have to give to a fucking God eventually.

I'm scared of that. I don't want to do that, but it's going to happen and it's destiny. I'm scared about that. There, that's out. Do you have anything that you are holding in? You're in love with Percival. We all know that, right? It's plain as day, right?

My takeaway from scans that we all talk too much. And I leave the room. And then I look at Vax and Percy and say, I'm sorry, Vax and Pike, and say, and my takeaway is that maybe we were forgetting who we were before we all banded together. And then I leave the room. They're all individually going to the room next door.

They're all installing his next chamber. It's like a black mirror. Exactly. Everyone's reading highlights. We're out the narrator, yo. I don't know. Black light. It's the basement in Westworld.

We all just go. Kind of walks up to you and we're in the room just kind of puts her gaoled a hand on your shoulder and just says, We all make mistakes. I make them a lot. A lot of other people to look up to aside from just me. I've learned that.

Beth is his own. He'll come back. I don't know, but he's our friend. I like having him around. Me too. Let's get a drink. Let's get a drink. You wanna go in town?

I chase down Vex and we do the same thing. You guys all individually find your way through the rest of the afternoon to discuss, cope with and ruminate on the separation of Scanlon. Going through all the different emotions you feel that are necessary, and whatever activities you would

proceed to distract yourself with Grog. Crying in a corner. Crying on bosoms. The past ride. I'll pay for this. Yes you will. That's extra. And strangely not uncommon.

He's wrapping up the show, I can tell, before I came to give Sam. He's not, actually. I don't know where you got that idea. Well, I'm just getting in a mid-game hug. There you go. You guys still got shit to do. No, no.

You guys made promises. You're still on a timeline for some things. Huh? Yeah. It's still have things to do. No, we know. We know. We know.

Don't take that as Sam closing the curve. Closing the curtain here, it's still got shit to do. I know, but I craved to that, so I took it. No, that's okay. Cross-table hugs are fine. That was weird. The next morning comes around. You're all in various states of hungover,

should you've chose to imbibe with the rest of the party. Haven't me. Grog eventually wanders in. Less hungover, but more meek about how his previous day was. Not my best night. I see Vax the next morning and I say, look, Your sister gave me one of her blue feathers. It's because this is the darkest timeline.

I come back and I take that off. I'm like, no, Kedith. You took that from me when you were drunk last night, actually. It's because this is the darkest timeline and I stole it from you. Pike and I come in wearing fun buns hungover. My face hurts. How is everyone?

She slaps you. Amazing. Does it still hurt? Yeah, and also my face hurts as well. Good. Percy. Who said that? Good morning. Good morning. What did you do last night?

I worked. I did. You were productive? Well. You made the rest of us look and feel like shit. I think we all have our ways of coping. What did you make? Just some sketches.

Did you bake a cake? I didn't bake a cake. I hope you baked a cake. There's no cake. I really want coffee cake right now, Percy. Is there people for that? You look like me. Squeez, squeak, squeeze.

Squeez, squeeze. Do you look like me? Why do you look like me? What are you doing? They're still drunk, sober up. It's a new day. That's boring. Oh shit!

He could have broken his nose just then, I swear. Binder rings are important. Oh my God. My God. Is it a new day? It is. It is. I thought it was still yesterday.

Oh, hey, I've got all my hit dice back. That's nice. Yeah, spells are back, and guys are healed. My staff is charged. You're up from nine points. Hey, wake up. Wake up. It's a new day.

Open your eyes. Hey. Pike has restoration on facts. Hey, you're not drunk anymore. Look at that. I feel good. Alright, so what? The first step is the foremost important one, right? Well, as far as I know, we have three things still on our plate.

Which ones? We've got a hand. Hortis? We've got some ashari. We've got a demon. We also have research. We have to look at that we got from that there, we have a giant pile of things. We have to give Ripley's hand to those guys in Marquette.

I think that's the easy one. That seems like the quickest. That's definitely the quickest. Let's try that. My mental acuity is on point. I feel like if I teleport I want to puke. I grab the bucket. Drink this.

I run to the kitchen. I put together something that is not quite, but probably a hot sauce. Yeah. With half a raw egg and a shot of something that is quite possibly but not quite some sort of fantasy very. of tequila. You are not frat-boy, woman-shodding, Gaelus. This is a thing.

That's science. Listen to policy. That's science. You need that, and you need a traditional white stone breakfast. He gave you everything. It's super good, Keyleth, really. Just get it down. Just get it down. Just don't look at it.

Just listen to the science guy and chug a lug. Bottoms up. Yeah, we need you. I was kidding. You shouldn't actually drink that. Fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck you, motherfucker. Can I get a roll damage? Sorry.

I've done something very similar to that on many in morning. We need to look at this research. We need to figure out what Rishan had going on. My brain hurts from crying so much yesterday. I know, are my eyes puffy? Do I have bags under my... Thank you. You're welcome.

You wear a well. So what's the plan? What's up? First. Let's take a quick look at what we have, what we got from the cave. Maybe bring Laura and Gilmore in here because we have that book that seemed very infarious. I hope Percy figure things out. Okay. I mean, from the things that you gathered off, a lot of them were candle holders, mostly built candles. There were various reagents, some that were rotted or dried out.

A number of books and tomes, some that deal with poisons. various alchemy. Actually, a similar book to one that you've found earlier in your travels, but an older version of it. And there is the one large tome that you acquired that had the more nefarious looking leather-bound exterior, the thicker piece. I'll read this. No, don't touch it, Rog. I don't trust it. I want Allura at Gilmore to look at it first. The easiest person to find here would probably be Alura within the castle. I'll have a sentence.

Well, no, because Alura is off in Imman helping the construction. So Gilmore would be the only one you could really speak to currently. Or Eskil. Or Eskil. But he's a little wary of you at the moment. Yeah. I just keep making people wary of me. All right, so you go ahead and you bring Gilmore in?

Yeah. Okay. It's easy enough to bring in. He's kind of waking up. So, what can I help you with? Hi. Hi. We found this. Be careful. It was with Rishon.

He takes this, sits down and kind of place it on his lap and kind of tugs on his braided goatee. This is, this smells like shit. Oh. Several things have died on top of it. I give my armor a sniff. Oh, smells. Different kind of shit, but shit, end up. He takes a look over it. This has a very faint magical essence to it. Let me go ahead and...

He looks over it. For a second, his eyes kind of glow with that same kind of arcane purplish energy that kind of flares when he does identify spell. Looks over it. This is a very, this is an evil book. Reading this would be informative. informative, but would certainly have a cost.

Oh. Like money? Soul money. Ooh. Soul money. Do we have any of that in the bank? Not much. Not much.

Not anymore. Wouldn't recommend it, Grog. What do you recommend we do with this book? Um, well, if you ever feel like you want some light reading. Or find somebody who's foolish enough to read it. Or at least has the willpower to be. the willpower to push through its dark enchantments. I have no idea.

Oh, shit. Wow. Let's just keep that in a. Going to vault that for the moment. You're saying somebody could read it, but they'd have to make it all the way through the end. Well, I don't want to look into it, I put at that point. But somebody with a strong enough mental aptitude

to be able to not be corrupted by its dark magics. There's no recommendation. Not only one in this room is what he's saying. Right. What else we got? I say hand. It's simple to the point. I agree. It's fine. And we can find the Ashari on the way back.

Yeah, we can. All right. This feels wrong. It feels different. It's not on us, though. It's on him. Can you scry? Me? Yeah.

I'm serious, what's he doing? I pull out the scrying eye. Can I kind of, I hold it out in front, this kind of flavor and I let it levitate in front. It locks itself in place and slowly rotates. Can I kind of open it like a little, like a fortune teller's spying sphere type of crystal? And just like project it on the wall, like behind us,

The vision comes to you. It doesn't quite do that. Yeah, the vision comes to you. That would be really awesome. Can I make it IMAX? I want the HD download, not the SD. 5.1, they'll be distanced around. It's all around me.

Oh my god, so many lagging issues. Ugh. Yeah. Sorry. To see if he senses it. You don't know. So what's your wisdom modifier? Or your wisdom saving throw? Negative two?

Wait, what did you roll? Oh, you mean, what is it? Would you roll? I got a two total. But I get advantage against magic. You do. That's a 17. Plus your, what's your wisdom saving throw bonus?

I mean, that's 19. My wisdom is negative two. Oh, minus two. Gotcha. And your spell DC is. Wow. Oh, I'm spying on those bitches. Okay.

So you get a brief, you get a brief view of what looks to be Scanlan wearing his regular outfit and armor now. Walking. He took his armor off. He's just regular clothes. He walked out in a fucking nightgown. Oh, right. Through this whole emotional circumstance he was in a nightgown. He is currently, he's walking through the

Parchwood Forest that surrounds White Stone. He is on the path south. South from Whitestone. Yeah, south of White Stone. And him and to his left is Kaley. and they're both with their snacks over their shoulders, and they're just hiking through the forest. They're at the moment not talking, but they're both slightly smiling,

just kind of enjoying the journey and the company. And you just watch them walk for a little bit through the thick tree canopy above the well-worn path that heads south and out of the Parchwin. He looks content, happy even. That's good. Yeah, good on him. Can you yell at him?

I feel like he's flicking off a bunch of trees now. I don't know. He was always an odd one. To be fair, he did that, about seven times a day. I never knew of animosity towards trees. You never know. Just there. Just like gays.

Just really hates oaks. Raven queen, demons, demons. No. No, no, is looking over your shoulder. We should have just invited Kaylee to come with us. They could have stayed. They don't want that. I have a feeling there's a little chance we could talk him out of it. Well, all right, he's living a nice, happy, content, low-key life now.

Let's continue on. Yeah, and why shouldn't he? He earned it. Yeah, he did. He earned it. Sorry, what? Yeah, right. You save the world. What more can we ask of anybody?

Let's go. What plays the brain better than travel? That was sex. That was all. Wait, stop, stop. I was about to say you sounded very wise. Don't fuck it up. Just period.

Period. Travel and sex. Done. You know, there's just a merit to that. Alright, let's go. As we head to the tree I pull Grog aside. And I ask him, are you all right,

Grog? I mean, I know you got your lady favors out of the way and all that, but Scanlan was your bestie, right? Outside of Pike. Yeah, I'm just bummed, because, like, I'm glad he's alive. I mean, I think that's what keeps this from being terrible, but, like, I only trust, like, a few people in the world. Right.

You, Scanlan and Pike, and now it's just, you and Pike. Me and Pike. No, I mean, I trust the others, Rob, but like, I know you on a more intimate level. Because you saw my titty. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. That's literally it. So.

Right. That's all. I just, I just feel, you know, a little more sad on the inside, but I'm all right. I'm sorry, grow. Yeah, I'm glad he's okay. Show on your toes on him. Do you want to see him or make you feel better? No, it's not right right now. Yeah, no, it didn't feel right.

It's got a kid here. All right. Yeah, you know. Mm, you know. All right. I appreciate your life. As you walk your way down to the center of Whitestone to the Sun Tree. It's so touching and ridiculous at the same time.

You recall that in the center of the center the city itself on Karel, as it acts as one of the largest oasis in the center of the Marquette, Central Marquette Desert. There were a number of larger trees of various types than there was one not too far from the Suncut Pazar that you recall. You make that your designated tree, and upon casting the spell, you watch the Sun Tree tear open the doorway and you step across. As I cast the spell, it just say, hey Sun Tree, watch over Scanlan and Kaylee, okay? and then go through.

You step through. You all emerge on the outskirts of the sun cut bizarre. It is at this point in time, it would be the beginning of, like just past dusk. The sun has gone down in Enkarelle, but you can still see the oranges and reds and purples of the recent sunset in the distance. The city is bustling.

Lanterns are alight all throughout the bazaar. and all the various multicolored towers and structures and buildings in the beautiful city, just stretch up on all directions around you. You can see the bazaar itself is lively, with carts that are open, shouting as various barkers are pedaling their wares. It's a very upbeat atmosphere in one that's a stark change

to the white stone you just stepped away from. And the sun's going down, you said. The sun has already gone down. After we just woke up. Yes. That's fucked up. Yeah. Other part of the world.

Jet lag. Yeah. Tree lag. Tree lag. It's the pitch. Tree lag. You guys begin making your way towards the death's respite, which is the tavern that housed the scar bearers. This is where Treve Bonebreaker was when you last discussed

the return of Ridley's hand as the assassin that killed one of their own. And you were returning this hand to absolve yourselves of implication, in this murder since you discovered the body. I'm, for the record, not wearing the cloak when we do this. Okay. Hey. Hey.

Good point. And just for the records, I know I'll get yelled at for Twitter on this, I have informed my sister where I'm going and what's going on. Not just going really, right. Cassandra is aware. All right. All right.

You guys walk through. You catch a few eyes as you are not just outsiders walking through Enkarel, but you're all adorned in beautiful artifact armor. Magical weapons. Godware, essentially. Godware, essentially. As you walk towards the Death Respit Tavern

on the outside, you can see there is what looks to be an eight and a half foot tall, humanoid golem-like metallic construct. It looks similar to a golem, but it's smaller. Like the iron golems you fought before, but it's smaller in scale. Like the one we fought in Jemann's. Yeah, but much smaller.

It's less bulky and it's more just like a functional, tall, metallic humanoid type construct. Protocol droid. Yeah, you see it's clutching. It's basically the vision. A little more ramshackle in construction. It is clutching a leather tome in one hand that is open and is holding what looks to be a quill in the other

and is just standing there quietly. To the front of it you see almost waiting outside the tavern in the process of thumbing through some satchels, you see a handsome human male. Late 30s or so with shoulder length, feathered, dirty blonde hair. and blue-green eyes, well-groomed goatee adorning his dashing smirk as he turns and looks across you and very quickly the eyes kind of very overtly taken and categorize your decor, your dress,

your stature, and the smile grows even wider. His frame is sveled. He's adorned in a set of polished, immaculate breastplate armor with the numerous satchels kind of all around and he carries a silver helmet under his arm that shines with many, many embedded gems, diamonds, opals, just an opulent looking figure who is wearing what looks to be barely used or at least very well-kept armor and jewelry and adornments. Immediately catches their attention. You there! You lot! Hello! Wow! Wow! Who are you all? Look at this magic. items from head to toe. Why, I've never seen anything quite like it.

Pouring it on a little thick, friend. What's up? Doty, come here, will you? Take this down. And you go on, watch as the giant construct takes a few steps forward, and begins writing into the book. In my travels through... It's a clean, actually it doesn't work. Shit. Doty, take this down.

In my travels through Encarell, I have not... I have never seen so many magical items in one place, but then I saw them walking up to me and I knew I had met some very special people. That's it for now. I'm being nervous. Hello! Nice to meet you all. The name is Terrian Derrington. Terry and Derrington? Terry and Derrington.

Terrient. Darington. My friends just call me Terry. And I'm a bit of an adventurer. I've been traveling around this continent. for a while trying to tick off things off of my list. And I've had a few scraps and scrapes, and I'm looking for more adventure.

I was traveling with a band of near-do-wells that I had hired, and well, let's just say many of them were killed. So I was looking to employ a rag-tag group of people, elves, whatever you are, to accompany me, sort of be my sideman, if you will. How much would a band like you? you cost for a day?

50,000 gold. Oh, that's nothing. Would you- An hour? I'm sorry. 50,000 gold an hour. Yeah, it looks like our retainer fee. Good thinking, well.

Well, I tend to employ people on the month-by-month basis, and you get a cut of the treasure as we go, of course. We can work out the particulars, but are you in fact guns and, or not guns, swords for hire? Why are you going after treasure? I'm going after many things. I have a long list of things that I want to tick off. Are you famous?

Of course I am. You haven't heard of, I've, well, haven't heard of me yet because my book hasn't come out yet. Doty here is recording my legendary adventures as I travel around the continents. How thick is the book? It's pretty thick. Make a perception check.

Oh. Wow. 18. Okay. It's a pretty thick book, But it looks like Doty is maybe a third into it. A fourth. You're also of scribbles in that book.

Yes, I haven't settled on a title yet. It will either be Terry's adventures. It's sort of lame. Or it could be daring adventures of Darrington. Or it could be Terry on with Terrian, or something like that. I'm working on the title. have a while to finish.

The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Terry Derrington. That's fantastic. Doty, please write that down. I knew you were special when I ran into you all. My goodness. Buddy boy, we have to go to the nine hells in the not too distant future. Are you down for that?

Well, hold on, let me check my list. That is on the list. It was lower down, but you know, it's another thing I have to tick off before I'm a real adventurer. So I'm up for anything. If you are, I do not like you. This fucking asshole, am I right? This fucking asshole.

Do not insult, check, asshole. Yes, you may. Good an insolence. This willing accomplice my parker. I know. Pieces of both of you. You are all pieces of shing at everything right now. Every any sight.

Weird. New dad is wearing old dad's skin. and trying to do an impression of him, and it's weird. I don't like change! Who cares about the whisper? What's going on, Sam? Bullshit! Tell us about the Luke Craig, Sam. How dare you?

How dare you? He has a new character. Again. Mother lied. Nope. I hate Terry. We are going to make more cry. We are currently under him. Dick.

Fuck you, Ryan Green! Fuck you! The show is breaking apart because of the new team! Show me on the character sheet where the bad DM touched you. So, bringing it back to the current conversation at hand. We currently employed right now. We're on a very, very dangerous mission. A super important mission.

However, it ends here. So, you know, if you have the coin, and maybe if you prove yourself not to be too much of, like a lag behind. What a pussy? What you feel like? I was saying, look, it's not like we don't have business right now. You seem, what does he seem like? Yeah, what do you do, Terry? I mean, he's an adventure. You seem like a person, and that's great. Like Kenneth Renner. I'm trying not to judge at the moment, and that's what you do. I know, I've had a bad day. What does he do? You to judge.

That's my biographer, Doty. Does he just write stuff? If I tell him too, he also has other skills. What does he have? Many things. I can grant powers to many people. For instance, you, little elf girl, what's your name? I'm gonna move over.

I take it back, I like him. Wait, wait, I'm stealthing. I'm at the side of my face. He'd been, he'd been kind of nice. Keeping breathes. Keeleth uses a fog cantrip and just fades into the hallway. I rolled the three and killed I'm gone. That just hex into the shadow.

He's like a Western when they cut back to the tavern and everyone's gone. Basically. I walk up to him. What kind of adventurer are you if you've never heard a Vox fucking mockiner? Oh, is that a band of evil? Is that a roving Goliath horde?

Where the fuck have you been? Who are you? No, really, who the fuck are you? My name is Terry and Darington. I am an adventurer and I have more recently set out on my journey. That is true. This armor looks very new. I have not seen so many real battles yet,

but I have fought many beasts. There was one. It was a smallish beholder, and my men took it out into a field for me and sort of roughed it up for me. And then when the time was right for the kill, they said, come on in and kill it. And I came in and used my powers and killed it, and I checked it off the list. Oh, I see. Yes. It was so thrilling. Your men, are you...

The ones that died? Oh. Right? Right. They also perished. That was a different group, yes. But they were well paid before they went, and I'm sure they sent some of the money home. Some of them, I think they do that, typically. What else is on your list? What are you looking for?

I've got a long list of beasts and animals that I'd like to slay. Just give you one. Naga. I think that's how you say it. That is how you say. It's actually Naja. Okay. Naja. I've already gotten a small.

Smaller beholder, someday I'd like to see a dragon and maybe have a crack at it or two. Oh, I'm sure you'd take it out in no time, dear. Man, I fucking hate this guy. I feel like you're condescending to me. I'm not a dullard here. I can do a lot of things. My wealth has bought me many different artifacts from my travels, and they all do majorly magical things. What kind of weapon? I have a rod. have a rod?

An immovable rod? No. It's whatever I want it to be. Sword! You watch as the rod all of a sudden transforms into this sudden liquid metal-like visage and then solidifies into a long sword. Fire! It bursts into flames.

Now that is fucking right. It's fucking cool, isn't it? How much money did that cost? Oh, like 400,000 gold or something? It was a lot. of money. I don't quite. Doty keeps the facts and figures. Doty, can you show you that piece of the book? Turns it around. That's embarrassing. Shows the page to you and glanced through it. The actual construction of that item cost you upwards

around 65 to 70,000 gold pieces. That's it. It's a lot of money. Well, I know, but... So wait. You want to come with us, or you want us to come with you? I don't have a current adventure right now. Fire off. Still getting used to some of the contraptions. Tell you what, Terry.

50,000 gold and you can follow us right now as we finish this very adventurous errand we're running. 50,000 gold. Small fear. What kind of adventure is this again? You mentioned you're going to do something very dangerous. It's so dangerous. So dangerous.

Can you tell me what it is? I'm afraid I can't. It's a test of your reflexes. On point. How you handle things you're not quite ready for. I could limber up? Sure. I stealth up behind keyleth and rest my chin on my shoulder and just say,

What the fuck? And I just say, Um, I, Vex. What? One moment, sir. Huddle. Huddle. $1,000 worth dealing with this annoying piece of shit?

While we go drop off a hand. Look, and you know, it just kind of feels like when your guinea pig dies as a kid, and then you immediately get another guinea pig to replace it. Like, this isn't, this doesn't feel good. You don't know a good, right? You don't know, I just, I don't want another guinea pig. This piece of shit would never replace Scanlan. He's a, he's a, oh.

He's a fabricator. He's, has he written it? He gets ghostwriters to write all of his books. I bet he does. Welcome to Mick Unplugged, the number one podcast for self-improvement and modern leadership. I'm Mick Hunt, your host, and I'm here to challenge your why and fuel your because. This is where leaders, entrepreneurs, and go-getters come to level up. Each week, I bring you unfiltered conversations, game-changing strategies, and the

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We're only 15,000 gold away from getting one of those fucking flaming swords. While they're talking, I'm working on my rod. Battleax! Battleax! Look at how fucking cool that rod is. He's in. He's fucking in. No!

Look at the battlex. Holy shit. You guys, it's like the worst alter ego version of Percy. He's a rich kid who just buys all of his cool toys. No offense, Percy. No. Taking. It's true though.

He's not legit. I don't like him either, but I'll just say two words, HOTUS bait. Yep. Maybe he is HOTUS. Well, yeah, what if he is HOTUS? He's not. How do you know, Kroc?

He hasn't tried to seduce me. I'm a dark wizard. I've always known. Yep. I'm not going to pretend I'm not mildly entertained by the distraction. at the very least. We just have to drop off a hand. And then he's going to take credit for dropping off a hand, like it's some crazy, miraculous thing.

Let him take credit for the hand. Do you want credit for dropping off the hand? No, I don't care. I'm just as the principle of the matter. Is there a fighting arena in Marquette or like a... Anywhere we could find a scrap if we wanted to? I mean, I believe there is. We find the name of it real fast. We also could report into a certain dragon about things that have happened as well. We actually need to because we promised Gerrit we would talk to Jamon.

There was so many things to do. Let's just... While Grog's thinking about that, I pull them aside and say, did I ever show you I know how to summon a dragon? Do you know how to do that? No. Watch and learn from my hand symbols. What do you think of that, big guy?

And I grab his hands with the tight and knuckles and knuckles and squeeze. Ow! Geez, creepers! You've killed my dragon! Go-G! Come in the... Goh! Let go.

Drop it. Drop it. Drop it. Good boy. See if I ever do anything nice for you again. I thought you were being taken over. Do you need me to... Very practical.

Will you kiss it? I thought so. Grog. And I walked away. He comes. Come on. You can slap up here. Come on.

Besides, I want to see him get to fight. Let's audition him at least. Yeah. We'll be fine. Come, pretty boy. Let's go. Don't you take this down? As the group turned around, I knew I had them.

And our adventure was about to begin end chapter. Oh my God. Oh my God. I hate him so much. I hate him so much. I love him. I miss Scanlan. Land.

Oh my God. Oh, God. As you guys decide against your better judgment to accept your companion for the time being, I don't like that word. You make your way into the Death's Respit Tavern to meet with Tree of Bonebreaker and deliver the right hand. Wait, wait, I wanted that gold up front. Oh, I don't carry 50,000 gold with me on my purse. Well, you carry platinum. How much do you have?

I... Dogey, how much platinum does he have on him right now? Doty, go ahead and speak. Go ahead, Doty speak. Oh, that's right. Doty can't speak. Doty. Doty, show me the ledger. How much platinum does he have on his person right now?

There's no response. Doty only listens to me. If you had some sort of a pet you would understand. Oh, I'm gonna love Terry's time. Fex! Kick his ass! You're just aspects. Gold up front, or you don't join us.

How about this? I'll give you a little present, just for you, little elf girl. And I flip her a silver coin that I have put a spell into. I don't catch the coin. You're like all the bad things about the internet and as a character. It's a special coin.

It's a special coin. You should. Did he flip the coin in her? Pick it up. He did. I was, I was, I was, I was thinking of intercepting it anyway, so. Okay, easy to do, we do gloves and missile snaring.

Yeah, I have gloves and missile snaring. I intercept it. But that was for the elf girl, but all right, sure, you can use it too. When you need it, if you just hold that coin up, you'll turn invisible. That's seriously an invisible making coin. No, Grog, no, do not show satisfaction

in the things he says. This is just my gut reaction now. Even if you're impressed, we pretend like we're not. Pretend like you're not impressed. I'm not saying I can't be bought, but that's definitely... Hey, Big Bad, look at this. Heavy crossbow! It's the most amazing thing.

It's pretty cool. I'm in really, hold on, hold on. Not impressed. You can shoot it. I want to shoot it. Boom. Oh shit, take it back. You have no idea where it went.

You aren't way out of your lighting. if you're lying aside. Go! That was pretty good. That's cool. Yes. He stays. Let's get the hand

to its final destination. Oh, you can kill him and take the weapon to that. I will. He's slow. None of the rest of us like you. So fucking watch it, all right? We're such dick. And with that, we embarked on our new adventure.

The adventures of what was it again? What a still weed. This is going to be fun, fun, fun. As you walk into the Debt's Respit Tavern, we're going to end tonight session there. I'll pick this off next week. Wow! Oh, my God.

How did you? Unbelievable. Oh, it's beautiful. Beautiful. I'm so angry of you. You were on the critical roll wikia last night, weren't you? Terry Berry. Yes, he was.

Terry Derrington. You ain't know what I have your mother's name, you motherfucker. I know all of your parents' names. After Gly nuts shit. Because I love you. I love you so much. But most sincere. You're the late.

That is amazing. It was amazing. I love that, like, I wish that everyone could see that the crew is an utter Revolved behind us right now. They've all got nervous them. Yeah. No, I'm tearing. It's tearinging.

Terry. Oh, my God. Thank you, Luke Crade for sponsoring us. You guys are awesome. Much love to you guys. Have a wonderful week. We'll see you soon. Is it Thursday yet?

See you next week. See you next week. Don't let Sam participate for two weeks. This goes off the fucking road. Off the fucking rail. Too much thinking time. Oh my God. He goes,