Critical Role - C2E126 Worth Fighting For
Episode Date: February 25, 2021Faced with unsettling visions and a leering countdown, the Mighty Nein take stock of supplies, of lingering wounds, and of matters of the heart.Watch Critical Role live Thursdays at 7pm PT on https://...twitch.tv/criticalrole and https://youtube.com/criticalrole. To join our live and moderated community chat, please head over to our Twitch channel.
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Hello, spellcasters, sages, and spectators.
I'm Ashley Johnson, and you're listening to the Critical Role Podcast Network.
Tap into our magical narrative by watching Critical Role as it airs on Thursdays at 7 p.m. Pacific
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Twitch subscribers can watch the video on demand right away,
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As always, Critical Role will be available right here
in podcast form on Thursdays,
a week after the initial broadcast.
And now, let's scry into the story
and see what mysteries it holds for us, shall we?
Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode
of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors
sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.
We're Dungeons & Dragons!
Yes.
Before we get into tonight's episode,
we do have some announcements to get through,
beginning with the first of two sponsors, NordVPN.
Sam?
Matt, you rat bastard, don't even try it.
Or should I use your evil Haxor username, Ultracodex?
You data-fragged Travis.
My husband is frozen in stasis.
Travis, can you hear me, baby?
And you wreaked havoc on one of our favorite sponsors, NordVPN,
providers of highest quality data encryption for your internet traffic,
and it hides your IP and physical location.
And it's NordVPN's birthday.
What are your demands, you motherboard monster?
Don't you see?
It's these ridiculous NordVPN ads.
Three minutes of endless Sam and Laura, Sam and Laura! I can't take it!
Wait, wait. You just want us,
you just want us leet code monkeys
to stop doing ads for NordVPN?
No! I want
to do them myself!
The power of the Nordverse
shouldn't be in your noob keystrokes!
It should lie within
the Ultra Codex!
What? No, our sponsor would never hire such an unhinged spokesman.
Well, they hired you, didn't they?
Oh, ice cold.
Why?
Ice cold.
If I can't control the Nordiverse, then I shall defrag all of NordVPN.
You'll have to brute force through us, Johnny Mnemonic.
Are you challenging me to a hack-off?
But there's two of you and only one of me.
You don't stand a chance.
Oh, we'll see about that, you rootkit rat.
Kryptonic override.
Time to...
Wait, no, that's not it.
Where is it?
Jack in!
Okay.
Affirmation, Black Willow 69.
Firewall up.
He's going down.
You know what you have in common with pizza and bread?
You're much better sliced.
The hack-off is on.
What's he doing? Where's he going?
What is that?
What is that thing?
Oh no, Blackwillow69, he's drowning me in spectral pixel code. I'm going monochromatic. Where's he going? What is that? What is that thing? Oh, no. Oh, no.
He's drowning me in spectral pixel code.
I'm going monochromatic.
What?
No.
Try techno-lusting his universal soldier.
I did, but he just fans are snatched from my jumping jack flash drive.
What's wrong?
Can't handle a simple eeny, meeny, beaver rhythm attack?
Stay with me, Kryptonik!
I can't. I can't.
There's just too many of them.
He's slicing me!
No! Negatoid!
You fragged my partner!
The only woman I've ever loved!
Wait, what?
Oh, uh, nothing. Nothing.
Travis, you're still frozen, right?
Cool, cool.
Anyway, back to the hack!
It's over, Black Willow.
Or should I say, Whack Pillow?
Terrible.
I've pwned your friends,
and I'm about to gleam your cube as well.
Okay.
After all, I already know your master password.
No.
No, not...
Swordfish.
Damn it.
It's always
Swordfish.
Damn it.
No.
One crypto kick
and you'll drop
faster than
GameStop stock.
Any last words?
Yes.
I have last
words.
For NordVPN's
birthday, every purchase of a two-year plan
will get you one additional month free and a surprise gift.
Go to https, seriously,
slash slash NordVPN dot com slash Critical Role
and use code Critical Role.
Protect yourself from cyber attacks
and avoid bandwidth issues with NordVPN.
And thanks for continuing their support of our show.
Matt, we'll continue this next time.
Back to you.
It had to be this terrible helmet.
It's the best helmet.
God, it's the worst.
Thank you, Sam.
It just takes away your entire health.
I heard none of that.
Yeah, it's just no neck movement.
Yeah, just full Michael Eaton Batman.
Yes. Yep, yep.
One eyeball coming through.
I liked how you, to see, had to turn
the entire axis of the helmet.
Yeah. The character choices
are really interesting.
Why every time?
Not the way I read it, wrote it, but interesting.
Thank you, Sam.
And big thank you to our friends at D&D Beyond.
Oh, the other thing that you guys don't know,
they're going to do special effects in post
that'll make it look like, well, I won't, I can spoil it,
it's going to make it look like she turns black and white.
Really? Yeah.
Kyle, is that true?
I think so.
All right.
Whoa!
Which means it already happened
and now we're just talking about it after the fact?
We didn't know. It already knows, we're just talking about it after the fact? We didn't know!
Everybody knows, we're the last to know.
I also love that it's turning into a love story.
This goes deep.
It needed something.
Yeah, it needed a little.
Every blockbuster has to have that long story.
We're all knee deep in that Nord lore.
Nord lore. Nord lore.
And thank you, D&D Beyond,
the official tool set of our show.
Just knee deep in that Nord lore.
Yeah.
Can we connect at the same house?
I'm a Nord lore whore, guys.
The world Nord lore?
Oh boy.
Until the end of February,
subscribers get a free set of cool digital dice
called the Everlasting Rhyme Dice Set.
Check it out at dndbeyond.com.
You all right there?
Yeah, we're good.
It's so Bob Loblog's Loblog.
Yeah, I know.
We have actually teamed up with BlizzConline 2021
for a special one-shot.
Yeah, we did.
I'll be running a game inspired by Diablo.
Yeah, you will.
With the players Laura Bailey, Liam O'Brien,
and special guests Mika Burton, Carlos Luna,
and my wife Marissa Ray, right, sir?
This one-shot airs this Saturday,
February 20th at 2.05, specifically, Pacific, at Blizzcon.com as part of the Blizzcon Experience and Celebration.
So learn more about Blizzcon Line's jam-packed schedule by visiting Blizzcon.com or via their Twitter feed at blizzard__ent. It's altered, underscore, ent, E-N-T.
Con-line.
Yeah, BlizzCon?
Not live.
BlizzConline.
BlizzConline.
Yeah. Oh, oh, I get it.
Online. Okay.
Yeah. Okay, okay.
Everything's online now.
Some leet hacks or you are.
Yeah, he plays one on TV.
But yeah, so check it out.
Super excited, we had a lot of fun doing it.
Marisha, you got out. Super excited. We had a lot of fun doing it. Marisha, you've got announcements.
I do. Oh my
goodness. Get ready for a new
episode of A Critter Hug
with our hosts
Matthew Mercer and our lovely
Mika Burton. You all know them. You all
love them. They're spotlighting awesome
folks and projects in the tabletop community
and the new episodes airs this
Tuesday, February 23rd
at 4 p.m. Pacific on Twitch.
And then of course the VOD on February 25th,
because that's how our VODs have always worked.
And then, in case you missed it,
our second episode of Crit Recap Animated
is now on YouTube.
Woo-hoo!
Yeah, dives into the first story arc of the Mighty Nein campaign. It's super cute. Go watch it. Crit Recap Animated is now on YouTube. Woo-hoo! This episode, yeah,
dives into the first story arc of the Mighty Nein campaign.
It's super cute. Go watch it if you haven't.
With narration by our lore keeper, Danny Carr,
animation by Offworld Studios,
and writing by Danny, Kyle, and me.
Hey! Yeah.
Check it out. It's great.
Go watch it. There you go.
Get a refresher.
Now it's moving into aggressive. Yeah. Yeah. Aggressive.. It's great. Go watch it. There you go. Get a refresher. Now it's moving into aggressive.
Yeah. Yeah.
Aggressive.
She's good with that.
Watch it.
Okay, quickly, we're also going over to Laura
for the last bit of our announcements.
Oh, hi.
I am telling you about this.
Hey!
Yay!
Oh, man!
Me.
Oh, hello.
Long sleeve hooded shirt.
And wait, and also you have the other shirt.
Both of these shirts are designed by Brian Weiss.
You may recognize the designs,
but now they're on new things
and they're in our US store right now,
coming soon to other stores.
Ta-ta!
Yeah!
In addition to that, we have...
What is it?
A Renu, a Scanlan die set.
I just showed them to Sam. So cool, purple baggies!
They're really cool.
Oh yeah, they're purple baggies,
and then the inside has the hot pink.
I didn't know that. Yeah.
Yeah, because Scanlan.
And they're so shiny.
They're so shiny and kind of trolly at the same time.
They're purple and pink. Are they sparkling? Yeah And they're so shiny. They're so shiny and kind of trolly at the same time. They're purple and pink.
Are they sparkling?
Yeah, they're sparkling.
Oh, oh, oh, and these are everywhere right now
in all our stores, including our new Canadian store.
Oh!
From Canada.
Awesome. Yeah.
Thank you, Laura.
Oh, I should say that's canada.critrole.com.
Canada.critrole.com? That's what it says on the page, Laura. Oh, I should say, that's canada.critrole.com. canada.critrole.com?
That's what it says on the page, Sam.
Okay. I trust.
I trust.
Well, I believe. Canada before CritRole.
Exactly.
I believe that brings us to the end of our announcements.
And as such, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode
of Critical Role.
Damn! into tonight's episode of Critical Role. The adventure begins
They were always beside you
Your nerdy best friends
And the DM to guide you
And they rise from the flames
For the battles ahead
Villains beware Cause you're about to be dead.
They got magic and flair.
They got fountains and cunning.
They don't see over there.
There's a monster incoming.
Inspiration is waiting.
Rise up, don't think twice
Put your feet in your hands take a chance roll the dice
Can you answer the call dig in deep in your soul as the legend unfolds Now it's your turn To roll
Welcome back. That was terrible.
That was too much.
Stop giving a shit over the time we've been doing this.
Ah, last we left off,
the Mighty Nein,
after making their way across Eiselcross,
encountering and fleeing from the Tomb Takers,
meeting up with their old companion,
in quotes, Essek,
and discussing the possibility
of delving into Aeor's ruins specifically.
After deciding to take some time
with the brief respite you have
after sending the Tomb Takers seeking another alternative
to the threshold crest that they had lost,
you made your way towards Yussa.
You went ahead and looked into some possibilities
of how to prepare for this.
Acquired some friends to help you,
to provide some options, some items.
Spoke with Halas, shunted Halas.
Went and visited Akema and Allura over in Emon,
and let them know what you were going to be attempting.
In doing so, you were also provided
with some aid from their end,
as well as some items loaned.
One was offered, one was surprisingly convinced
to temporarily lend a very powerful item.
If only we could find a way to use it.
But you returned to Rexxentrum.
And after hearing a little bit of the current murmurs
politically between the Cobalt Soul
and other aspects of the Empire,
realized that beyond just the tension
building an Eiselcross,
things are a bit tense here at home,
even in the aftermath of the peace treaty that was signed.
After gathering yourselves for an evening's rest after a very long day of hopping around, in the aftermath of the peace treaty that was signed.
After gathering yourselves for an evening's rest after a very long day of hopping literally around Exandria,
you went after acquiring a chamber
within the Rexxentrum Archive to rest, lay down,
and a few of you were visited by curious dreams.
Caduceus with an odd vision regarding
what appeared to be something similar
to the grove where he grew up.
Yasha with a unique encounter with the Stormlord,
of which it had been some time.
And Caleb and Beauregard,
who had a second evening encounter
with some leering red eyes,
welcoming you to whatever odd
dream state connection you currently harbor with them.
You fucking dicks.
And so with that,
a day of rest is completed.
A morning greets you. You are absolved of whatever remains of your life. And so with that, a day of rest is completed.
A morning greets you.
You are absolved of whatever remaining lingering
exhaustion points you may have carried.
You are healed.
But for some of you,
not the most restful evening of sleep.
As you all begin to gather your things,
what would you like to do?
Well, I think after a night like that,
the first thing I want to do is
strip naked in front of a mirror.
Yeah, I find Caleb and do the same thing.
I start subtly
pulling up sleeves.
Is there anything on my backside?
Lift up his shirt like I'm looking for ticks, anything?
Are you all alone,
or are we in the back eating popcorn for this?
I was like, yeah, I would totally be here for support.
I think we only got two rooms between the two of us,
so probably in front of people.
A few of you are seeing this.
It isn't like a- So we're in the corner.
In the corner being weird. Frankly, searching each other A few of you are seeing this. It isn't like a- So we're in the corner. In the corner being weird.
Frankly, searching each other for ticks.
It's a thing.
With a brief investigation of Caleb,
you see what looks to be a second red eye
has apparated in the center of the shoulder blades,
in the back.
I just tap on it.
Turn around, let me see your neck.
You look where the tattoo that she acquired from Orly is,
and right square in the center of the tattoo,
where the previous eye was,
you see a glowing red eye has appeared.
Oh no!
Separate locations for them, right?
Not like in between his scapula, shoulder blades, but her.
Different locations.
In the back of my neck?
Yeah, just like the first one, different places.
Shoulder for you, in between your shoulder blades,
back of your neck, and where?
Hand. And my hand.
So you each have two now?
Yeah.
Are there pupils?
Are they colored?
Just a solid red.
All of them are the same color.
All of them the same color. Shades of red, okay.
How does it go with the green, with the emerald?
I mean, it's kind of nice.
Yes. Yeah, festive.
Yeah.
Reminds me of Winter's Crest.
Yeah.
Do we feel any different?
Make a perception check. Boy. Do we feel any different?
Make a perception check.
I'm in Google Docs.
Nope. Nope.
You can't say Google.
Oh shit, I said it!
16.
Same as it ever was.
We ain't learned shit.
Nope.
In the midst of all this chaos and tension,
you take a moment to just check in with yourself
and quietly breathe and feel
and gauge where you sit physically, emotionally.
You don't sense any different.
Nothing seems to be shifted, elevated, diminished,
beyond just the trail of adrenaline
that's still pumping through your system
post-discovery this morning.
A lot of screaming.
Yeah.
More talk of dreams and what we can craft from them.
Did you get that?
Shit.
Fuck.
It's not every night.
No. But...
ticking clock.
Do you think this is,
they're counting it based on the individual,
or like we're,
they're counting it between us?
Are we growing exponentially here?
That's probably not right.
Growing.
In ability, in power, or?
In the amount of eyes.
Amount of eyes.
I mean, it's all conjecture at this point.
The only thing I'm feeling is that we need to,
whatever plan we're going to cobble together,
we need to do it fairly quickly and act on it.
Good morning, everyone.
Morning. Morning.
Hey.
Can you reach out to Lucien or any of the other Tomb Takers?
Have you tried to connect your mind?
It's crossed my mind, but I haven't tried.
I'm willing to try, though.
Hey, asshole.
I don't know how would we know.
I could try scrying on him and see.
Ooh, I hate it.
I feel icky when I try to do it, but I could.
Think he can see through these?
I don't know.
Doesn't seem like he needs to see through these.
See anyway.
I think with his magic, though,
he knows exactly where you are.
So what are we going to do today?
We could get some shopping done.
This is as good as it gets for supplies
and anything you need.
Wait, where are we again?
Rexxentrum. Thank you.
We've been around.
Heading to Nicodranas soon?
One of the last two stops, as far as I know.
Yeah, is Nicodranas sort of a jumping off point
for when we're ready to go?
I need to go home before we...
You need to go home?
I do. Okay.
Why?
It was a piece of the puzzle.
I don't know. I had a dream.
A dream.
Do you have an eye? Do you have an eye?
I have two.
No! You know what I mean, Caduceus!
I look in his armpit.
I lift up his armpit.
It's just a birthmark.
It's not shaped like an eye or anything.
If anything, it should probably be looked at.
It's like sandalwood.
Yeah, it does.
Thank you.
A little eucalyptus.
I wear a little, well.
I had a dream that made me think that
there's some connection,
that there's something I should see.
I don't know.
I wasn't planning on going home, but I think I have to.
A connection to the Astral Sea, to Lucien?
To what we're fighting.
I don't know.
Was it connected to the forest we saw?
I think it was.
The one we burned?
Yes.
Is it bad that I burned it?
You think I made it worse?
No, I think,
I genuinely think we did the right thing. Okay. But...
I don't know, I didn't want to go home,
but I think I have to.
Do we need to go there before Nicodranas, or?
That's up to you.
Well, I think we should just agree on our musts,
the things that we need to do.
I think that Jester's idea to approach my old friends
and see if they would be willing
to procure more medallions for us,
that might be possible.
It would be wonderful if we could hide from them.
And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work,
and we just plunge ahead.
I think there's enough history between them and I
that they would agree to meet.
Just remember, let's try and find a quiet,
secretive place to meet with them,
since they are being investigated.
Maybe you can have them come to the tower.
That seems like a nice secret place.
Huh.
You don't have to show them the floor that has,
you can keep it a secret.
Do we have any other friends in town?
Or could we upgrade the tower with some more,
I don't know, like a bell chime,
if people choose to come or go, or restrict their-
I can already do that.
Sorry, I'm just reconfiguring my ideas for the day.
We could do that, We could do that.
And we do have friends in town.
So we could get a message to them without being seen.
I could also send a message to them without being seen.
That's a bingo.
You know it's what I do.
It is what you do, that's true.
So, little bit of shopping.
School friends.
Does anyone else have anything to do here in this town?
I have a question for you, actually.
Being the big arcane brain,
in your time at the Cerberus Assembly,
did you study any of what Lucien and the Tomb Takers do?
It's what Molly did, the blood magic.
I don't think so.
You mean specifically what, like, whether or not
I have come across knowledge in wider?
Roll an arcana check.
Well, we learned that they were
of the Order of the Clarets.
27. Damn. 27.
Damn. Wow.
You've come across in your studies at school
bits and pieces of what's called Hemacraft.
Hemacraft is a form of arcana
that is considered largely
necromancy-adjacent
and not formally taught,
largely because it uses blood as a focus
and as a tool for all sorts of spells,
which, both from a divine worship standpoint
and just from a societal standpoint,
is largely misunderstood or embraced
by people of less than moral persuasions.
There are historical elements of blood mages
and people that have used and harnessed blood
as a power source, and to do so, you need a lot of blood.
It usually involves a lot of bodies.
So yeah, Hymnocraft historically is heavily frowned upon
by most society and civilization.
Those who practice it, there are different pursuits,
but the Orders are self-proclaimed keepers
of the secrets of Hemocraft.
And you've heard tales here and there
about some of them doing good things,
some of them doing bad things.
They largely wander outside in the outskirts of them doing good things, some of them doing bad things. They largely wander outside
in the outskirts of civilization for that reason,
for whatever their purposes may be.
But that is what you would understand from your studying
in the realm of what the Tomb Takers
seem to be trained with.
Okay, so I would say I probably dithered
about a bunch of that.
Was there something specific?
Yeah, they mentioned they were,
as Jester said, a part of the Claret Order.
And I just assumed that was a thing,
like a temple or a religion or something.
But does that mean there are more of them?
And if so, is it a small group, a big group?
Is it someone that we should check in with
to see if, I don't know,
are there other branches
of the Clorette Order that are doing this same shit,
or would they be unhappy that these five
are talking to each other
through a bunch of red glowing eyeballs?
Seems like that would dip into history, right?
That would be history.
I was going to say, would Beau have heard of this?
Both roll history check.
27 again.
Wow.
It's probably not as good as, well, well.
What's 14 plus 16?
A lot.
30. 30.
30.
All right, Empire kids.
It's the eyes.
The eyes give them special powers.
It's true.
You know of the orders,
but any location of theirs or any specifics
is pretty well kept on their guard
because if not, they would probably be hunted
or at least subject to all sorts of man hunts.
But what you both would know is that they,
they're a little nomadic.
There is no central location that they stick to.
And the few that did exist have been burned and toppled.
Probably once they were discovered by members of the Empire
or even the Jeweler's Dominion, the very, very beginning,
for those who were practicing Hema craft,
even before the orders really took place.
So it's a little bit like trying to find
the Court of the Owls.
Yeah. Yeah.
Good ref.
Yeah.
You would notice, with your passive perception, Caleb,
as you're having this conversation,
and maybe it's the conversation about Hemocraft,
maybe it's just the rude awakening
that led you to being a little more focused in the morning,
but as everyone's getting their materials together,
donning their armor to start the day,
you notice beneath Fjord's undershirt,
this faint red glow
that just ever so carefully catches your eye
at this proximity,
right across where the sternum is,
poking outside of the shirt.
Yeah, so I can see why you're good looking.
When we were in the quick hurry to get away,
Lucien, while keeping his eyes on you,
sort of did a back swipe with his scimitar,
and when he did, this arcane circle appeared on my chest
and it burned real bad.
And I only thought of it this morning
because you guys have two more of those eyes.
And so I just didn't know if you might know anything
about that.
Well, take your shirt off, I want to see it.
Wait, what?
Ooh.
Whoa!
The beauty.
Oh, it's blinding.
I'm rolling d4 force damage.
It's so skinny.
Not anymore, bitch!
I've been lifted.
Is it true? It's inverted. We've anymore, bitch! I've been lifted!
Is it true?
It's inverted.
No!
We've upped up our reps.
Everybody, this is fine.
Do-do-do-do-do.
This is fine.
What is it?
Do you recognize the symbol?
With the arcana check earlier,
you do see it's very faint
and just barely visible on the skin.
It looks almost like scars in a circle pattern,
and it forms a glyph with a series
of symbols carved within it.
And there's a very, very faint,
deep reddish-purple glow.
It is old Hemocraft.
Fuck.
It is a brand of some kind.
You're uncertain, necessarily, of exactly what it does,
but it remains on his chest.
Well, he rolled a 27 of arcana.
It is a brand, the best you can tell
is it has some semblance of divination attached to it.
It bears some similar marks.
Fuck. Yeah.
Is it, do you think it can be dispelled?
Maybe. Dispel magic. Fuck. Yeah. Do you think it can be dispelled? Maybe.
Dispel magic.
Dispel magic.
Okay.
Let me check one thing real fast.
Just to check in on my own shit.
Wow.
You'd think I would've noticed this
when I was changing clothes, but I'm fairly unaware.
Apparently my passive perception sucks.
It's like a sunburn.
How often do you gaze at your own chest?
I don't know about you, but every day for me.
If you could go ahead and roll a d20
and then add your intelligence modifier for me.
Low roll.
Intelligence modifier.
Low roll, 12.
12.
You go to dispel and there's a shimmer
and it glows brighter for a second
and you swear for a brief moment,
you feel like it's getting hotter.
And then it just subsides and remains unchanged.
It reacted to the dispel, but it did not scatter or vanish.
Did you say that it has scars and things?
It looks like a scar almost that wasn't there before,
but almost like it was branded into his chest.
I yell, don't move!
And I slap him really hard in the tit.
Oh no, my nipple's hard.
What if Yasha used her, oh wait,
do you have that sword in you?
I gave it, no.
Oh, sorry.
Kima and I did a switcheroo.
Well, I guess it's just the three of us.
Lucien, Disciples, we'll have to stick together, all right?
Wait, can you three speak together in unison now?
Yeah, splinter group, yeah?
Oh, sure. At the same time.
One, two, three.
Maximum tits.
Maximum tits.
Maximum tits. Maximum tits. It's Maximum Tits Alley.
Is that what you said?
Some know them, it's so hard to understand.
Their ways.
There's a lot of training.
Maximum tits?
Maximum Tits Alley.
Yeah.
Yep. My favorite alley.
We play it backwards, it'll all make sense.
The street slums are ruxandry.
Yeah.
Qua, you want to go out with the maximum teeth?
Yeah!
Cool, cool.
Well, how do we get that?
What does it even do?
How do we get that thing off of you?
Divination.
They can follow.
Follow.
So it's the same plan for more reasons.
Oh man, we need to get rid of that or else.
Well, we keep trying, maybe.
Are you able to?
I can dispel magic.
Why, give it a shot.
You might have to touch Fjord's chest, though.
Just slap him really hard in the tit.
Oh no, what am I going to do?
Yasha, maybe spread your wings,
give them a little privacy.
No.
Like a changing curtain.
I'll open my jacket, because I'm big,
and I'll just cover them.
That's nice. I want to save those.
I already have no shirt on.
Just in case. I know, but, you know,
she's going to be up there doing things.
I'm going to cast it at 4th-level.
4th-level? Should I do it higher than that?
Why waste it on the board?
It's just a burned sigil into my chest.
I mean, you know, don't worry too much about it.
I don't know how these things work.
I'm just asking.
Well, we don't know how strong
the forces are we're dealing with.
I slap him in the tit again.
Ah!
Max on tit! and the forces we are dealing with, I slap him in the tit again. Ah!
Matt's own tit!
Oh, man.
My hands are cold.
Okay, I loosened him up for you.
Give it a shot. Okay.
Get the blood flowing.
Both tits.
Lap or place? They'll just place.
Okay.
At fourth level, you said?
Huh? At fourth level?
At fourth level.
Go ahead and roll a d20, add your wisdom modifier, please.
Dang it.
I'm going to, I see you're doing this,
I'm going to be open with this shit.
Oh, come on!
Why?
Really?
It's a one.
Aw.
That was a minimum. Minimum hits.
Minimum.
Minimum hits.imum tits.
As she places her hands on your chest,
even as she tried to warm them up,
they're still pretty cold.
Pecs, my pecs, my rock-hard fucking pecs.
Minimum tit lane.
On your chest.
Yep.
You feel that sigil begin to warm and warm
and then burn hot, hot. Oh, that actually hurts a lot.
Ah!
And it, you pull away for a moment
and you see it glowing brightly
and then it returns untouched.
Ah! I'm sorry.
Did you get it?
No, it's still there.
I guess the spell magic just doesn't work.
That would be the conclusion
that we would arrive to at this point, yes.
I feel like this is what the tattoos were like
without any of the payoff.
It's one thing that I learned in my youth
is that after a great deal of pain,
quack!
Oh!
It's an outline now. Feels really good right afterward.
It's just the endorphins.
Yeah. Should side-mess.
I could try to rub it out.
Well, that didn't work with Beau, so.
How many hands do you need for that?
I don't even need my hands.
Okay.
I don't think anybody had wings before.
This is a serious show.
Sorry.
Why don't I have Dispel Magic?
I didn't have Dispel Magic up,
but I hadn't finished selecting my spells, so I'm torn.
What if that spell doesn't even work?
I mean, I feel like we would believe
that it doesn't at this point with two of us trying it.
Let's go find that pillar and ice cross again.
Did you look like you sucked at it, though,
is the question.
Did I look like I sucked at it or if I was really focusing?
Is this like a dispel thing or a restoration thing?
It's fine. Look, if it's so he can see me,
he's already going to be looking at us anyway
through scrying. Maybe it just lets him know
exactly where we are. Yeah, or something.
Well, do you have Greater Restoration?
Because, you know, we could try that.
It does help with curses. Maybe it's like your curse. Wasting Greater Restoration, because, you know, we could try that. It does help with curses.
Maybe it's like your curse.
Wasting Greater Restoration on this?
You? You're one of our teammates.
Of course we're going to.
Well, I mean, we're far away.
I do. I'm not going to do
as much good as this boy.
Oh god.
So involved.
We should go. We have things to do.
Yes, we have to buy things.
Yeah, no, I don't think it would help with this.
Okay.
We got distracted by his rock-hard pecs.
Thank you, Caleb!
Pecs!
It was ironic.
His chest was a lot, I suppose.
Sure was.
So we're going shopping.
We're going to find my old school chums.
Then we are going to travel to see your folks.
Feels important.
Shopping for what?
Talk to you later.
Just out of curiosity, I'm down to go.
Can you give us any hint as to what you saw?
Like, are we going to fight beasts or plants or?
I didn't see anything to fight.
I just saw that perhaps,
I saw that perhaps the corruption is more related
than I thought it was, that I was hoping it wouldn't be,
and that maybe,
that there is a reason to go.
What precisely did you see?
Forest in pain, forest dying.
It's been a while, to be honest, hours.
Does it feel worse than how you left the grove?
Feels more acute.
It feels very specific.
It feels like what we saw.
This seems dire.
Do you feel like it's a result of what we did?
I don't know.
I don't think so, but...
I'm choosing to be hopeful about it
and think that if somehow the Grove has combated
this effect for so long,
even if it has been slowly losing that battle
until recently, that maybe,
I don't know, there's maybe something to be gained
by seeing this battlefield.
Make an insight check for me.
This is a general insight into the dream itself.
All right. Self-insight?
The imagery, the grades. 24.
Not bad.
You know not of the status of the Grove.
There were threads that seemed to connect elements
of the Savalir wood
to things that you saw in the ruins in Islecross.
The imagery, the transformation of the landscape
mimicked a transformation
to that of the hungry, floating city of Cognouza itself.
The ground turning into teeth and tongues,
the trees becoming limbs and buildings,
architecture and flesh merging, swirling,
twisting, consuming.
If that were happening now, that would be awful.
Maybe it was a premonition.
Maybe it was the importance of what path you're on
or what's at stake should you fail.
It's hard to tell. Just to say, wow, this is what two weeks does.
Would it be possible just to check in really quickly
to see, I don't know that messages are thin, but.
Oh sure, I can scry on your sister.
Or just a, just a.
I've never been there, so I can't.
Talk, or?
I've never been to your home.
Oh, send a message to her?
Yeah, just a message.
Oh yeah, yeah, I can send a message, of course.
Do you have a favorite or should I?
You just tell me who you want to talk to.
Let's talk to Cornelius.
Let's talk to dad. Cornelius?
Have I met Cornelius?
You've met them all.
I did meet Cornelius.
No, you met the whole Clay family.
Okay. There was like five of them. A lot of them, yeah. There was't meet Cornelius? Okay. You met the whole Clay family. Okay.
There was like five of them.
There was a lot of them.
There was a lot of them.
Shocker. At the lagoon,
after all the statues were found around.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
All right, I'm going to send a message to Cornelius.
What would you like me to say?
Just,
I'm coming home.
We're coming home.
Things have been strange.
And is everything all right?
Has there been any change?
Are things holding?
Okay.
Okay, I'm going to send a message to Cornelius.
That was 22 words.
Wow.
I'll give it some flair.
Take that, I'll make it up.
Put a little stank on it.
I already forgot what you wanted to say.
Don't! That doesn't count! I haven't sent the message yet! Stop it!
I'm sending the message now!
Cornelius.
Caduceus here.
We've been doing things creepy shit.
Where's the punctuation? What's the point of doing creepy shit?
Where are we?
Stop clubbing, baby, feel.
Yeah.
That sounds like he's trying to tell his parents
you're getting involved with their son there.
Heading back, how are things there?
Creepy shit, too?
How's the woods?
Let me know.
A lot of umlauts in that message. Whoa.
Yeah, whoa!
That's amazing.
How are the rewards?
Woof!
Heading back?
What does that even mean?
I should've just gone with what he said.
We've been doing creepy shit, too.
Yeah.
Well, hello.
And good morning.
Not a lot of new creepy stuff.
Woods are fine.
Dreams have been weird.
Wild Mother watches.
He was really concise with his words, I'm impressed. Yeah. Why I picked him.
I let you know what he said.
Dreams, huh?
Yeah.
What?
Have you guys tried to make anything with your minds yet?
Or to make anything while you're dreaming?
I've thought about it.
I just don't, I feel like we need to talk about that.
I mean, isn't technically just using your hands,
making things with your mind?
Well, I mentioned last night that maybe
there is a power here that we can harness.
I'm trying to actualize or manifest a hat on Beauregard's head.
What kind of hat?
Like a Napoleon hat. Make it good.
Yeah, okay. A big feather.
Yeah.
You lose 30 hits. Are you just trying
to stare really hard until it hurts?
Is that what you're doing?
I'm going to take out my paints
and draw a Napoleon hat.
Damn it. I help Caleb and just-
Make us put a hand check.
Really think about the Napoleon hat.
Napoleon hat's a kind of thing.
I'm staring right at her while I do this.
15.
We will manifest a hat.
There we go.
We will manifest a hat.
Chant it together.
You watch as very- Close your eyes.
Close your eyes, think a bit harder.
But I feel like if I use my eyes-
May chant.
Manifest a hat.
I'm thinking of Easter Sunday.
You watch as gingerly, out of nowhere it seems,
this kind of cartoony Napoleon,
you know, the great Steve Napoleon of Wildemount,
just drifts down out of frame of your vision
and gently comes to rest at an awkward cocked angle
onto Beau's head.
Well, we have done it. He's out of frame of your vision and gently comes to rest at an awkward cocked angle onto Beau's head.
Well, we have done it.
The power of the Somnovum knows no bounds.
Congratulations and welcome to the Eyes of Nine,
Beauregard Lionett.
It's made of paper.
No, it's not, it's made of actual hat stuff.
Oh, is it?
It's magical paint.
Yeah, I made it out of my magic paints.
I mean, I didn't make it.
I'm saying he made it out of magical.
It's real hat stuff.
The stuff that hats are made of.
Fuck your D&D character's name.
Steve Napoleon in this bitch.
If someone's on Steve Napoleon in Campaign 3.
I feel like we should move forward with our plans.
Yes.
At some point this morning.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I, you have an eye on her neck?
Where is it?
No, it's back here.
Oh yeah, with your angel blood, maybe you could, what?
I want to just flick it.
Oh, flick it.
And just see if it gets mad.
Okay. It's a stupid thing to do,
but just to see if there's any response to agitating it.
Are you flicking it?
Do you want?
I'm subtracting one hit point.
She's raging.
If I just tap on it.
What?
A steady hit.
I could flick you a few times and kill you.
Likely a small welt will rise in time,
but it doesn't seem to react.
It's odd.
And much like with Mollymauk in the time that you knew him,
these tattoos, they look like tattoos, you know,
like at a glance.
It looks like ink, it bends with the skin.
It's just an image.
So it doesn't have any difference in physicality or texture,
other than the fact that in a close look, it is smooth.
There's no pores.
Just where the eye is, it's just a smooth surface.
Okay.
Can I, give me one of your not creepy daggers,
just a regular dagger.
They were all stolen, but I'll give you a crossbow bolt.
Okay.
I'm going to take a crossbow bolt
and poke my finger until it bleeds.
Okay.
And then I'm going to go over to the eye
and smudge it on the eye.
It smudges onto it. Oh. Yeah then I'm going to go over to the eye and smudge it on the eye. And smudges onto it.
Oh.
Yeah, that was a good idea.
Sorry, that's gross now.
I thought it would do something.
Do you feel more powerful?
Do you feel just sticky?
I don't know.
I still just feel awkward.
Yeah.
So that plan.
Okay, so we know we're going to talk to your crone.
Oh.
She's changing.
Kill her! Kill her!
Roll initiative.
No!
We've mentioned shopping a few times.
We've mentioned shopping a few times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are we shopping for?
Well, you need more puffables. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure, but.
I need some supplies.
I need to get, I want to get a jeweled chalice,
so in case we have to cast Heroes' Feast, then we can.
Do you have what you need to revive people and stuff?
I got lots of diamonds.
Okay.
And we got, how many healing potions did we get from?
We got two from you, Sam.
Where are the new healing potions?
Don't look at me, I'm not holding any shit anymore.
I would like one, because I had to down one.
I would like one as well, because I had to drink one.
Okay, yeah, you both can have a healing potion.
Are they greater regular or?
They were just regular, right?
Diet.
No, they were superior. Superior, right?
Ooh!
Is that this? No, superior. Is that this? The other box. Ooh, they were superior. Superior, right? Ooh! Is that this?
No, superior.
Is that this?
The other box. Ooh, the huge ones?
Oh! A little bit larger, yeah.
Big honking turds, I think.
So what is that, 35 D4?
That's 4D4 plus four.
But those are five.
No, those are eight D4 plus eight.
Ooh!
That's a pick-me-up.
You need that.
Damn, really?
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Oh, while we're talking equipment,
does anyone have any studded leather armor
they want to give me?
Oh yes, I do!
Oh, great!
I actually have the spanners over here.
Take this and enjoy.
Oh, thank you.
Talking logistics, so we're going to go to your family,
100% tonight.
To do that, that is the most difficult thing that I do, so.
Can we use, is there a cobalt library
that we can use instead, if we can use a circle,
someone to teleport us to the road?
Is there a circle at your destination?
No, but wait, it is, well.
How far away is it from here?
Far. It's far.
Far.
As far as the Grove? Mm-hmm, Rexxentrum, south of Rexx? Far. It's far. Far.
As far as the Grove?
Mm-hmm. Rexentrum?
South of Rexentrum. It's in Xhorhal.
No, it's...
I mean, it's in...
It's north of Shadycreek Run,
so it's a few days travel on foot or by horse.
It's way in a different place than I thought it was.
And we have no quick means of bamfing?
All quick is with circles.
And without a circle, it's my utmost,
which we have to do.
There's no easy access to that other than the fact
it's technically a shrine, so I have to designate.
Leaving it, you have to designate.
You have to designate it.
Yeah.
Yeah, otherwise, travel's going to be on foot
or through magical means.
But that means that to talk to my friends,
we are not meeting inside my home.
We have to find a physical location here in town today.
Oh, wait, hold on.
Let me see, well, let me see,
because I have a spell I could do
that might, I got to see how long it takes to cast.
It takes me an hour to cast it.
That's okay. That's fine.
But I can create a temple.
Whoa, what? Excuse me?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. That's a thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you mean?
Well, I can create,
also, it's not quite as amazing as your tower,
but it's a temple that, you know,
is for the Traveler, and it creates basically a world,
also another door.
Similarly hidden?
Similarly, well, I think so?
Let me see.
Creation of this temple,
as opposed to being a door that leads to a pocket dimension,
you need the space to create the temple.
I need 120 feet.
You need 120 feet,
because you create an actual physical temple
for 24 hours in that space.
I thought it was like a tower.
Oh, never mind, that's totally different.
But that's amazing.
I mean, that's really cool.
That's...
Yeah.
You have to show us sometime.
Yeah, I've never done it.
I would have to think about what I would want,
the way that you did the tower, probably, huh?
Yes, please.
I'm going to start drawing schematics.
You also need an idol of the god that you're...
I've got enough idols of him, okay?
Don't worry. That's just a dick.
She has so many dicks.
Yeah, it just needs to be a five gold dick.
Sure, yeah. Maximum dick.
I've got a 20 gold dick.
I've got a 30 gold dick.
I've got so many gold dicks.
30 gold dick and 30 gold dicks.
All right, so where are we going to schedule
this meeting with your friends?
We got to just figure that out on the fly.
Let's get going. We got to start shopping.
Well, maybe we should talk to,
maybe we should send them a message first,
if they need to rearrange their plans.
Anything to prevent us from leaving would be good.
So yes.
No, no, no.
Which one should I send it to?
Eadwulf or to Astrid?
Astrid, 100%.
Astrid would be more likely, I think,
to keep it on the down low.
Mm-hmm.
If she's going to.
Wulf, I don't know.
Say no more, he's a big brute.
Is that a risk?
If you're saying that, is there a risk
in between now and then of them spilling their beans?
Should we just try and grab them?
Yeah, is a heads up better,
or is it like, meet us in five minutes?
Well, they're not going to have a...
Maybe it's a meet us in five minutes,
or are you available to chat?
Or we're outside, come down and see us.
Yeah, I like that.
Outside, come down in five minutes is in Trent's backyard.
But he can die, too.
Oh! No, that's a different city.
Why don't you send her a message and just say,
hey, old friend in town here,
why don't you meet us at the Grim Shelf Tavern?
I love it when Sam uses his notes.
The Grim Shelf Tavern.
Or the Stone Coffin Fighting Pit,
because that would just be fun to go visit.
No.
We'll meet them at the dance hall.
The dance hall.
The dance hall.
The dance hall?
The Oopstone dance hall.
I'm going to send a message to Aster.
When should I tell her to meet us?
Oh, the dance hall.
Dusk! Sure. Dusk!
Sure. Dusk.
Hi.
Caleb wants to talk to you.
It's important.
Important.
Meet us at the dance hall at dusk.
Tell nobody.
Keep it secret from you-know-who.
Well done.
A brief moment before you get a response.
Donka, I will be there.
Please tell Caleb,
thank you.
That's all.
She said, Donka, she'll be there,
and also to tell you thank you. Well, that's nice. She said, she said, don't guess she'll be there.
And also to tell you thank you.
Well, that's nice.
She's thanking you for the dance hall?
What am I missing here?
What is she saying thank you for?
Is she saying thank you because we're-
She might've been saying thank you to you
for passing along the dance hall.
No, no, no, she said tell Caleb thank you.
Giving him another chance.
Maybe?
No. I don't know. What if she's saying thank you because as soon as she sees us, Thank you. Giving him another chance? Maybe? No?
I don't know.
What if she's saying thank you
because as soon as she sees us,
they're going to be able to bring us in
and it's going to give her the ability
to rise up to the top?
Well, then perhaps you will all remain hidden
and I will talk to her.
Yes.
Okay.
We'll form a perimeter.
We'll stay in the shadows.
Some of us will turn invisible. We'll form a perimeter. We'll stay in the shadows. Some of us will turn invisible.
We'll watch.
Good idea.
Maybe one more of you in the hall.
You know, since I have 87 hit points.
Yeah, I think that's fine.
I'd be in the skies.
We can all be in the skies if we have to.
Fuck it, it doesn't even really have to be you.
Can't you project a hologram of him or something?
I can project a hologram of me. Oh, okay. You can't dance with a hologram of him or something? I can project a hologram of me.
Oh.
You can't dance with a hologram.
Oh, I could disguise myself
and then project a hologram.
Yes, well, no.
I think just maybe spreading ourselves out
amongst the hall.
It's not like they don't already know
that you contacted.
Oh, right.
I think he wants to be there.
And there wasn't a request to come alone.
We had Vess DeRogna show up, remember?
That's true. She wasn't there.
So shopping, then?
Yeah, shopping and dancing.
All righty.
So for the day in Rexxentrum, what are you shopping for?
Who's looking for what?
Well, I need to find a place that sells gems
and crystals and amber, specifically.
Those are all fairly easy to procure here in Rexxentrum.
Yeah. I have very little money.
You know what you could do?
You could sell that amazing ring of health.
I'm not selling it for...
It's 5,000 gold pieces!
Not anymore.
When they got away with all of our belongings,
did they get our gold?
I mean, am I just carrying around
thousands of pieces of gold on me?
I split mine up into individual patches.
You guys should keep whatever gold is on you on yourself.
Anything else would be in the bag of hold.
I keep all my gold.
We learned this lesson after Hubberduke.
I didn't keep anybody's gold.
I never have gold for longer than 20 minutes,
so I'm fine.
Yeah. Oh, that's right. Also, just in case we can find anything else, well, I've been on. I didn't keep anybody's gold. I never have gold for longer than 20 minutes, so I'm fine.
Yeah, that's true. Oh, that's right.
Also, just in case we can find anything else magical
that might help, it's always worth sweeping a magic shop.
Like a ring of ice resistance?
That would be amazing.
Watch me go straight to hell once you buy that ring.
I will say, for the purposes of the shopping trip narrative,
similar to your last time here,
most of the magical items have not yet returned
since their wartime conscription.
And the last time you did go to a magic shop here,
you cleared them out of a lot of their
lower-end magical items as well.
Many a cell of bone still remains
within some of you.
Fuckin' the bed.
Don't regret nothin'.
But yeah, gems are easy enough to procure.
Here in Rexxentrum specifically, it is the capital,
and there are sections of the city that are filled
to the brim with all manner of
textile warehouses and craft sales,
fronts and carts and stores of all kinds.
So I guess say what you're looking for
and I'll tell you if it's available
and for what price you require.
Well, I'm looking for, Yussa gave me
two or three pieces of amber.
I'm struggling to remember.
I think it was two.
So I need five total. Oh, two.
I would like a forked metal rod,
250 gold forked metal rod attuned to this plane of existence
would be smoking, I say, as Taliesin, in Kelly's voice.
He would never say smoking, and it came out of her mouth.
I want that stricken from the record.
Fair enough. We can edit it out.
It's been a day. That's two.
So three pieces of amber for me.
Okay, yeah, you can definitely do that.
Just reduce the cost.
The amber's easy to find,
comparison to some of the locations.
It's not easy, it isn't like there's,
they're available at every corner,
but after an hour or so of traveling around
and asking questions, you find a place that does have pieces
that will work for your purposes.
Do you know how much it would cost?
Well, for the pieces of amber that you require for it,
I'd say each chunk would be about 20 gold.
So for the three of them, it would be 60.
Okay.
For the purity and size that you need.
Okay.
Your rod that is attuned can also be found,
though the attunement process of it
is going to be partially a combination
of you working with Caleb to do so.
Like the rod, the actual requisite materials
and construction is very specific,
but it doesn't come pre-attuned.
So, but both of you working together
would be able to attune it to this plane
since it's one you're most familiar with.
The only other thing is I'd like a little more saffron
for my True Sight.
Yeah. If I could get some.
Saffron's good.
Where'd it go?
I've opened too many things.
Like, I'll say,
let's get three of them, so that's another 75 GP.
So yeah.
Let's go ahead and mark that off
and make sure you mark that in your inventory.
Can I get incense worth 250 gold
and four ivory strips worth 50 gold?
Each?
Those can? Holy shit.
We have enough diamonds
and diamond powder and everything.
So that's 450 gold.
I'm also pretty flush in cash
if I need to help fund the clerics.
I think it might be good to,
because I don't have enough money to buy a jeweled chalice.
Oh. With at least 1,000 gold, though.
Girl, I got you.
I'm going to buy just for that jeweled chalice.
Okay.
And I forgot.
Sugar mama.
I wanted to get a couple of pearls
worth 100 gold each, if possible.
Yeah, those can be found as well.
Okay. Yeah.
You're in the center of the Empire's influence,
and there are many, many different avenues of trade
in and out of the city.
So of all places where you're looking
for more specific objects,
here'd be some of the easiest to find.
Caduceus, do you need me to buy you anything?
I got a, whether we use 300 or 500 GP diamonds.
Is that our, the emergency diamonds are 300 or 500?
300 for Revivify.
I think 500 for something else that I can't remember.
So I have one 300 gold diamond, one 500 gold diamond,
one 1,000 gold diamond.
That's an emergency.
That's for the crazy, crazy restoration.
That's no time limit.
Right. Oh, and I have one more 300.
So I have two 300 gold diamonds.
And remember, you got the 500 gold
of residuum from Allura.
Yeah, I'm actually pretty good.
I've got enough to, other than powdered diamond.
I have 400 gold worth of diamond dust.
Okay, that'll do.
Then I think we're fine.
All righty.
I would like to buy something.
What would you like to buy?
I think either, I'm looking for something that can make you invisible,
like a potion of invisibility
or even a necklace or something.
Is there?
Jesus, I thought it was an answer.
Go ahead, roll either an investigation check
or a persuasion check, your choice.
Okay.
19.
19.
It takes you the better part of a day,
early afternoon or so,
and eventually after asking some questions,
you get sent to this small alleyway purveyor
of odd knickknacks and mashed materials
given as various healing pastes and balms.
You can see them arranged on the edge of this cart
that's wedged into the shadows.
The gentleman there has this large, red-orange
tuft of a beard at the end of his chin.
He's scrawny and leaning forward with long arms
that rest at the edge of the cart.
He pulls himself forward out of the shadow
and looks towards you with this paper hat and goes,
Can I help you? Are you looking for something?
Yes.
Hello.
I'm looking for something
that could,
I don't know if it's maybe a potion
or maybe a necklace of some sort,
but where someone couldn't see you.
Is that a th--"
Now, there are many types of not being seen.
Are you trying to avoid the sight of things from all over
or from far away, immediate or distant?
Well, distant?
So avoiding the wandering eyes of divination.
Correct.
Well.
He pulls out this small balm vial, roughly about the size of a hockey puck or so, opens it up a bit and goes, If this is placed upon your person,
smeared into the skin and soaks within,
for the next hour, you will be avoiding
any sort of prying magical eyes from a distance,
immune to being scryed upon.
How much is that?
This? 1,500 gold.
Oh, jeez.
Okay.
It seems grossly expensive.
That feels grossly expensive.
Well, it's of particular purpose.
Do you have two?
Is this for one person or is this?
Well, this is for one person.
Single use? Is it single use person or is this? Well, this is for one person.
Single use?
Is it single use or is it like
can-o-disappearing-gel?
Looking at it, it probably only has a handful of uses.
Only lasts for an hour.
Even though you aren't the most practiced bargainer,
even this seems a bit high.
And as far as scrying goes in your experienced jester,
it may not be exactly what you're looking for
as far as invisibility.
It just says Ben Gay on it.
Yeah.
It's like time for the tuggerball.
I think this is not exactly what I'm looking for.
It's also a little high in price,
so I think I'm going to...
Prices are relative to who wants it.
He goes and tucks it away
back underneath the edge of the cart.
What about 1,000 gold?
Ooh, here we go, here we go.
Deal.
Or do you want to be invisible?
It's dying.
I'm trying to think how this could work, actually.
You do you. Don't let me.
No, no, I know, I'm trying to think how this could work, actually. You do you. Don't let me. No, no, I know, I'm just.
You're getting ripped off.
I know, I feel like I'm getting,
this is not exactly what I'm looking for, anyway.
But it's okay, it could be cool.
You hear Vector somewhere screaming,
I'm from Ivory State.
It's a game.
1,000 gold.
I'll buy it.
He scoots it forward to you happily,
grins with a mouth filled with darkened gums
and teeth where they've receded from a bit,
so the mouth just seems extra wide.
His eyes can appear through from underneath
his long paper hat and,
appreciate your patronage.
Scoops the gold over. and appreciate your patronage.
Scoops the gold over.
Anything else Theodore can do for you?
No, but if this doesn't work,
I expect to get my money back, and if not... Well, sales are fine.
We'll see about that.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh no.
As you walk away, you hear the sound of a cart shuddering.
I hear the sound of a cart shuddering?
Meaning you hear him behind closing shop.
Like his cart's like.
He's like, cool, I'm set for, okay.
He's moving.
1,000 G, no refunds.
It's okay.
Matt, I would like to buy some things.
All right, what would you like?
I would like 40 crossbow bolts.
That's easy enough to acquire.
No major issue there.
I would like.
Cost on that would be, oh, sorry, there's cost.
I have to pay money?
Give a bolt, take a bolt.
I mean, imaginary money.
So acquiring becomes a hilarious circumstance eventually.
All right, all right. Where is the page?
There it is.
I thought it was a roll of the dice.
You could tell me literally any amount of money
and I would just say, fine.
600 gold pieces.
Fine, done. I don't care.
It's all fake money.
It's all fake.
No, case closed.
B, two gold, you're fine.
I would like, I'm wearing these little earmuffs
that have little horns built in onto them.
I'd like to get, if I can find some sort of shop,
curio-type shop, like a littler pair of horns.
Okay. Antler, Like antlery things.
You do eventually find one of a number
of odd haberdasheries that are scattered
throughout Rexxentrum.
Going inside, it seems to be more for,
at least the one that you find for your purposes,
is a little more meant for silly occasions.
It's meant for celebrations.
It's not so much just a classic, nice looking hat,
haberdashery, more of a place that presents
for events and holidays.
And as you inquire within,
they do not have a hat specifically with antlers on it,
but they can cobble one together for you,
ready by the next morning, if you'd like.
I'll take it.
All right.
The whole thing together will cost you 20 gold.
Amazing.
Next, I'd like to buy
a lovely flower,
like a silver flower.
A silver flower.
Or white, or anything.
White's easier.
Sure.
Silver flower could be done if it's painted.
But yeah, white flower you find for two copper.
Easy. And then lastly,
the components to make a new fluffernutter.
The real loss.
Yeah, you can find,
and you wouldn't know where to find those materials with the right questions being asked.
Just a singular fluffernutter?
Oh, maybe I should get enough for two
in case I fuck one up when I make it.
A double fluffernutter?
If you fuck one up when you make it,
you won't be around for a second.
All righty.
We'll say with the knowledge and experience,
how powerful do you want this fluffernutter to be?
As powerful as the last one and then some?
Okay.
Double the power.
Double the nutter, if you will?
Yes, double nutter.
Okay. Oh, half a nutter.
Just asking, it affects the DC of the check.
Sure, double the nutter.
We'll say for the materials to make two fairly,
comparatively powerful fluffernutters,
puts you back about 120 gold.
Worth it. Oh shit.
Boop. Thank you, I'm done.
Not bad.
That'll make us more fluffernuts.
Mm-hmm.
Well, we have to see if he's successful in making them now.
Oh. Oh. That's true.
Uh-oh.
Materials can be a waste, or worse.
Don't do that in my house, please.
I'm restocking on chocolate and cocoa, too.
Okay.
As much gold or silver as you'd like to spend on it,
you can market that.
Stupid amounts.
That's easy to find in these areas.
I was wondering the market, and sort of bump into Veth
while looking for flowers as well.
Oh, what are you doing here?
What the fuck are you doing here?
Oh, I just bought a flower.
It's really nice and pretty.
It's very, it's gorgeous.
What kind of flower is that?
I didn't ask.
Huh.
I'm not very good with this stuff.
What do you think of these other flowers?
Oh.
I mean, they're all nice.
I got this one for you, though.
Wait, what?
Why?
Well, I thought you could give it to Yasha.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
I was here looking for flowers for Yasha.
Are you okay?
I'm okay, I just love you so much.
Give me that hug.
Oh, I'm in your belly button now.
You are.
It's a beautiful flower.
It's big.
I know. I thought maybe you could talk
to Jester and she could make it into some sort
of corsage-y thing, or I don't know.
I don't know what girls like.
What do you think of this bow tie over here
at this other kiosk?
Bow tie?
Yeah, this guy over here, it's like a houndstooth.
Oh, I'll take a look.
What do you think?
It's blue.
Is it houndstooth is a lot.
Are you, for you?
Like to dress up?
Yeah. Oh!
Oh, I thought, like a gift.
It's a weird thing to give a bow tie.
No.
No, it's for me.
Oh, then I think it's excellent.
Yeah? See if they have it
in like turquoise or something.
Yeah, the navy probably clashes a bit.
No, I don't know.
No, I think it looks good. Do we see it on?
Do you have it in turquoise?
It can be acquired.
You're a jerk, priceless.
I don't want to wait for a commission.
Just do the blue. This navy's good.
You don't have to wait for a commission.
I just have to check down the street.
I got friends who have them.
Oh, you got, no, no.
It's really nice. Never mind.
Get out of my place then, gee.
That guy's going to die.
Thought the customer was always right, but.
I think it looks very distinguished.
Okay.
And smart and not trying too hard.
It's just like a little.
Okay.
I'll take it.
I'll pay.
Nice.
Way to come out on top.
That'll be eight silver.
Oh, that's just his speaking voice.
Sure, here you go.
Thank you. Take 10.
Take 10.
I sort of asked Yasha out on a date.
So did I.
I kind of knew.
I'm sneaky that way.
And I'm excited for you.
Do you think you're going to finally, you know, do it?
Not it, but like go on a date.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's the plan.
Yeah.
Do you think you're going to do it?
What?
I am going into this with no expectations
and on Yasha's terms and her timeline.
I mean, absolutely.
It's all about what Henry Crabgrass says, right?
100%.
Totally.
Consent.
Let her guide you.
But if you had your druthers.
I mean.
Yeah?
I mean.
Yeah? But we'll see.
No expectations.
I need a shower.
Yeah, sure.
Well, I don't know, maybe not.
She's, you know, oh, Xhorhasian.
I don't know.
You know, like, I don't think Xhorhasian ladies shave the pits or anything, you know?
The ladies here.
Okay.
I think you're going to be fine.
You think so?
Yeah. I'm so nervous, dude.
You've got a flower.
You've got a bow tie.
Okay.
And you've got an open heart.
Mm-hmm.
Whatever happens, happens.
If you just talk, that's a win.
Yeah.
What else?
Do I need chocolates or something?
I've got the flower, I've got the bow tie.
Is that?
I mean, I don the bow tie. Is that?
I mean, I don't think she's into chocolates
unless they're chocolate-covered grasshoppers or something.
But I think maybe just
plan a moment.
Just have a moment ready where you can say something
or do something that shows how you feel.
I'm trying to channel Caduceus here,
but I feel like if you open yourself
and just are honest and open and vulnerable.
Okay.
You could be likeable.
I could be likeable.
Yeah.
I could.
I've planned several moments.
You have?
Uh-huh, I've written them down.
No way!
We'll see, though.
Oh, you're not going to tell me any?
Thank you for your advice, Veth.
I've got to go find Caleb.
Okay, bye! And just push her aside.
Caleb is looking for a children's bookstore
at this moment.
You know exactly the store to find.
It's been there for 60 years
and still one of the preliminary
kind of children to young adult bookstores in Rexxentrum.
Excellent. I would like to,
I'm looking for a pair of books
that I had when I was a child.
One is a collection of Zemunian fairy tales,
preferably one that contains a specific one.
And then also I'm looking for,
I don't even know if it's in print anymore,
but a primer on transmutation
and magic in general for children.
Make an investigation check.
That one's a little hard to find.
Yeah.
22.
It's hard to find, but not for you. Especially given that you know this so well,
like the color of the binder,
the pattern on the spine.
You know this so well that even in a wall
of various scattered books,
you know exactly what to look for.
And the minute you pass by your third
specific book repository seeking this,
you catch it in the lower right, and there it is.
One copy.
Oh, the illustrations, I remember them very well.
I'm sure you do.
You're going to buy it?
Yeah. How much do I owe you for the two?
Let me see that one there.
Yes.
Four silver pieces for the two of them.
Of course.
I pull that out.
Actually, I just give him a gold.
Wow. Oh, wow, wow.
Thank you. Thank you.
Well, here, take a copy of our zine.
I don't know. He's excited. to, well, here, take a copy of our zine.
I don't know.
He's excited.
Oh, wow. Zemnian punk rock.
I am into it.
Cool, cool, cool.
Not that long ago, I could not have afforded to do that.
So enjoy. Have a good year.
You too.
Okay. And I just stuff it away
and head out into the street.
All right.
I found everything I need to find.
Okay, everybody in their successful shopping.
I find Caleb coming out of the store.
Oh.
Hey.
I wrote down all my ideas.
Oh yes, yes?
Yeah, you wanted me to write them down.
Let me see. Here.
I hand him a thing, I hand him a piece of paper.
All right, I just give it a quick look.
Mm-hmm. That's good, that's good.
What?
Why?
Because.
You fucking know why.
What?
Oh boy.
They're magic.
They're not going to last. It's not going to be forever.
I will do it.
Okay.
But that's a lot, Beauregard.
That's a lot.
Out of all the things on that list, is that a lot?
You wouldn't understand. I walk away.
What are we even talking about?
Oh man.
I am so nervous.
But excited. I am so nervous.
But excited.
Oh boy. All right, lest there's any more shopping to be done.
We could get the ring just raised, if you wanted.
Yes, Fjord, we'll go to get, like, we're going to stop,
we're going to get some pastries, a lotord, we'll go together. We're going to stop, we're going to get some pastries,
a lot of extra pastries to go into the Haversack,
because it's always good to have pastries.
And then, yes, Fjord, I will go with you to a jewelry store.
Okay.
Let's go get this ring appraised.
Yeah, I just wanted to see if it's kept its value, you know?
You can hold onto it. Okay.
You gather all the pastries you'd like.
There are quite a number of locations,
at least in the part of the city
even you're familiar with,
which is only a small portion of it,
where there are a number of bakeries
and smells and scents that are easy to follow.
We just, it's like a bar hop.
Right. But a bakery hop.
I dig it. Yeah.
We'll just bite. That'd be delicious.
One day again. Right.
Damn it.
And then, yeah, if you would like to,
you find a prominent jeweler, fancy exterior,
kind of like a dark blue painted wood structure
with what looks like crystal chandeliers
that are lit by magical globes
on the inside of the front way,
and you're like, this would be a decent jewelry.
I need you to do it.
Do you want me to do it?
I do, no.
If it's shit, I'm going to lose my mind.
I need you to find out.
Okay, I'm going to put the ring on. Mm-hmm.
And I'm going to hold myself up as fancily as I can,
and I'm going to dramatically walk into this door.
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!
Hello!
I need help!
The place is fairly empty
beyond what looks like two individuals that work there.
One, you see a half-elven girl who sits up,
very short, dark hair,
looks like a very small pair of spectacles
that are almost so small to the point of being ornamental,
pressed against the cheeks below the eyes.
She looks up at you with this nice button-over blouse.
Hello, may I help you?
Yes, I need your help.
Oh.
It's lovely, isn't it?
Are you betrothed?
I was.
Oh, I am so sorry.
I myself was once left at the altar.
I understand it's a heartbreak.
I'm so sorry.
Anyway, how much could I get for it?
Hmm. Well, if I might.
Yes.
She lays down this soft piece of material,
almost like a velvet or a colorful...
I forget what the word I'm looking for.
But anyway, we'll move on from there.
It's my brain, short circuits.
Pulls out a jeweler's kit and a long eyepiece.
He was a very wealthy merchant
and he left me on the high seas.
I think he might've been taken by pirates.
Well, it is a very nice make.
The band itself is
platinum.
And the ruby, while not
magnificent in size, is very
well cut. I'd put this ring...
Are you looking to sell it?
Well, it is enchanted.
Oh.
Such enchantments, I believe, are a bit beyond our specialty. Oh. Such enchantments, I believe, are a bit beyond our specialty.
Oh.
Right.
How much would it be if it wasn't enchanted?
Just stand at the ring would be... I could take this off your hands for about 400 gold pieces.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's terrible.
I'll go find an enchanted place. 100 gold pieces. No, no, no, no, no, that's terrible.
I'll go find an enchanted place. Where would that be?
I have a cousin who would be able
to take a look at that, if you'd like.
Okay, yeah, sure.
Let me just go ahead,
and if you don't mind waiting here for a bit,
he may be on his lunch break soon.
Okay.
She darts off, and the other person in the back,
who's deep in a book, just looks up.
You see this older human woman with graying hair
up in this top bun with these frazzled curls
coming off of it. She goes,
Hey.
And just goes back to reading.
You wait there for a good 15, 20 minutes or so
before the woman comes back with
another man, looks to be a bit younger than her,
also half elven,
hair buzzed very close to the head,
who comes in a bit scattered.
Oh, I'm still learning.
I cannot guarantee that I...
She's like, this is my brother.
He'll be able to help you.
I thought it was your cousin.
Brother-cousin.
Oh, I understand.
The grit is on. Some Kentucky shit.
So if you would have him take a look at this.
Sure.
Oh.
Hmm.
It was given to me by my merchant fiance,
who was stolen by pirates.
Wow.
I know. It was tragic.
It means a lot to me.
So if you would be so kind as to make sure
this deeply pained woman would know
the extent of the love that left her.
Yes. Huh?
Goes.
Right.
Ta-da!
Oh boy.
Kia!
This ring.
Yes?
This ring does carry some magic to it.
Mm-hmm.
Namely, it's meant for a minor protection.
Oh.
A little one?
Yes. for a minor protection. Oh. A little one? Yes, I'm afraid that the man who left you
was a bit, what's the word that they say?
Cheap.
No, you don't tell me these things, my broken heart.
I'm so sorry.
It's not worth anything?
Well, it's worth something, but you know,
she would be the person to ask about.
Oh, I understand.
My poor, cheap, dead fiance.
What will I ever do?
Well, we could find it under the hand
of somebody who appreciates it.
For but a small fee. We'll take it off your hands. Well, we could find it under the hand of somebody who appreciates it.
So about a small fee.
We'll take it off your hands.
You know what? My heart, it is breaking too much.
I think I'm just going to take it and wear it forever.
It will remind me of him.
Because you're full of shit.
This is actually a very expensive ring.
Okay? Because you're full of shit. This is actually a very expensive ring. Okay.
Well, then, good day. But I really appreciate everything you tried.
That was a really good performance.
They both look at each other very confused
and you hear across their mists,
Oh my god, yeah.
And looks at the other two, like,
what'd you expect?
Good day.
Keep track of what relative you say.
It's impor-
Okay.
As you're leaving the door, you hear, like,
so are you still paying me?
No!
And your door closes.
Guess what for?
It's so expensive.
It is so expensive, I got 500 gold for it!
What?
500 gold, can you believe it?
You mean 5,000 gold.
Well, no, 500 gold,
that's how much you said it was, all right?
Just a no!
No, no, it was 5,000!
No, what was I going to do,
my poor, dead pirate fiance.
That was very mean. I know.
You can keep it.
Well, but we should get some money for it, right?
I'll just wear it until we find somewhere to sell it.
Yeah, sure.
It's so sparkly, even if it's not protecting me.
You're not going to attune to it?
You're just wearing it? Well, for You're not going to attune to it? You're just wearing it?
Wulford, I can't attune to this
and also this pink stone that's floating around my head.
When we start to get around the Tomb Takers again,
one of us should attune to it.
You're right.
Do you want to put it back on?
No, you can keep it for now.
Okay.
Don't let me get my finger chopped off and lose it.
Yeah, that would be bad. Yeah.
All right, we tried to find you.
All right, so that ends your journey on that?
All righty. Success.
Well done. Well done.
Worth it.
Fuck. Fuck.
As the day slowly clambers on
into a dusk shade of dark reds, oranges, and purples,
the various magical lanterns of Rexxentrum begin to alight.
The people begin to shift from their daily chaos
and hustle and bustle into some elements of celebration,
some elements of drinking away the pains of the day,
general rabble-rousing,
but the life and the energy does shift
into the night of the capital city.
What would you like to do?
Dance it up? Yeah, yeah.
Let's just, we have a lot to do.
So this is our-
Do we disguise ourselves before we go in?
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe I stay the way I am,
and you all find a place to sit or dance or...
Okay.
I can disguise myself.
How fancy is everybody looking here?
I can do, oh no, I can't.
This is just like a bar, right?
It's more of a beer hall, dance hall.
Yeah. So it's not very fancy, no.
It's not like a dive bar by any means,
but nobody here is coming dressed to the nines.
It's moderate.
It's like a cultural landmark.
It's a, this is the Empire.
Yeah. Cool.
We should be outside as well as inside, yes? cultural landmark. It's a, this is the Empire. Yeah. Cool.
We should be outside as well as inside, yes? Who will be outside?
I'm no good at seeing things from a distance,
so maybe I could be close up
and either invisible or disguised.
I will stay outside the door.
Are there a ton of, well...
Yes, I will look like someone
who has taken their drink outside
and has just posted it up back against the establishment,
perhaps too far into my cups.
Got it, so you're posted out front,
playing the part of an early evening drunkard.
Ah, sure.
What?
Fair enough. Who else?
I'm going to go redheaded, bearded,
human male build my atypical,
my Fjord Prefect.
Okay.
And dressed all right,
I'm going to sit in the corner of the bar
trying to get the full lay of the place
just to nurse some fruit juice.
Fair enough.
Okay, so you're redheaded and inside?
You're inside the place.
I'm inside the place. With red hair.
Yeah.
I'll be inside as well.
Outside, human looking, a little busted up.
Okay.
But not near the front door,
like call it 50, 60 feet away from the door.
Okay, you've got it.
I'll be inside as well.
Human, woman,
long black hair,
tight-fitting dress,
bombshell hanging out at the dance floor,
waiting for some youngster to sweep me on my feet.
Okay, you've got it.
I'll post up in a corner, in a booth.
It's quiet, just making sure.
Different vantage point. Nothing behind me?
You can't disguise yourself, can you?
Trying to figure out what's best for me.
I can make you invisible for an hour.
What?
Whatever you feel.
Are you also going to be invisible?
I could be.
Yeah, we could be the invisible ones.
I think I can do that.
If I do it at a higher level.
Only if you're feeling it. Yeah, I can do that.
I can make us both invisible.
Okay.
I'll be with Nott.
You're invisible.
I have an image of you just hanging from the chandelier,
like doing the... Yeah. We're invisible. I have an image of you just hanging from the chandelier, like doing the... Yeah.
Full minority report.
Yeah.
All right.
So you both vanish.
I wanted to ask if you have my old medallion, yeah?
Yes. They may have borrowed it.
Of course, of course. Just for this.
Okay. I mean, of course, of course.
Oh, well.
Whatever you need, stud.
You're going to get hit on so much tonight.
That's a lot of confusing. Okay.
I will go sit and sit at a table
on the edge of the dance floor and wait.
Right. The usual table?
Yeah. All right.
10, 15 minutes or so go by,
keeping an eye on the crowd in here,
the odd hustle and bustle, the mixture of languages,
laughter, the occasional argument,
but mostly the energy here is fairly jovial.
Drinks and food being brought about.
It is as pleasant as you recall,
and one of the more pleasant locations
you've been to in Rexxentrum.
Before you dig in deeper,
one last thing I wanted to do is,
before this moment, I would have run off to the loo
to cast Fortune's Favor on myself.
To rub one out. To rub one out.
You got to prep before the date.
You can cast Fortune's Favor anywhere on your person.
You don't want to go in loaded.
Heroism.
Geometric shapes.
Okay. Matt's red.
I just envision, like,
just holding the little black pearl, going,
Deflections. Just holding the little black pearl, going... Not the black one.
I need that one to go to Rumblecast.
One of the ones I bought today.
Anyway, back to the table,
back to your excellent narration.
As you return from your favoring fortune,
you've been hit on numerous times,
usually by, let's say one was just a very shy gentleman.
He was like, would you care for a dance, maybe?
Sure!
He didn't know what to do.
He's like, I don't know.
And he just scared him off briefly.
Another one was a total douche bro,
who just came up to you, you know, sleeves rolled up,
hair wet back, and he's got his big heavy tankard
in his hand and he's just like,
Would you like to dance, huh?
Fuck off, kid.
Yep.
In the midst of the sound
and chuckles and shouts and music and drums,
everything gets a bit quiet.
Caleb is glancing across the chamber to the entryway.
You see a stepping in female figure
wearing a casual dark gray,
looks like a short robe,
a mantle over top and a hood.
She pulls it back just a little bit and glances about.
You can see the familiar lightish hair
tumble past the eyes as they meet yours.
And she beelines across the chamber.
Did I see her come in?
You did. Was she alone?
Make a perception check.
16. 16.
And rooftops on the street.
Yeah, glancing about, she appears to be alone.
After she comes in,
I'm going to start wandering around
without bumping into anybody, if I can,
using my blind sense to see if I can see
any other invisible people around.
Interesting. Make an acrobatics check.
Okay.
Wow.
That landed off of another die.
I saw that.
Should I take it?
Yeah. It's 19 plus 10, 29.
Yeah.
You're not just dodging through the crowd.
You are pirouetting and leaping and corkscrewing.
And yeah, it is.
Yeah, through Zeta-Jones.
Yeah.
If anyone could see you with the coolest display
of capoeira, you're just leaping and spinning through the crowd
in between people, but keeping it to the beat of the music.
It's awesome, but nobody can see it.
Otis and shit.
Yep.
You do not sense anyone mysteriously invisible
in the chamber around you, aside from Beauregard.
Oh, there you are.
Are there exposed beams in this place that I can?
Yes, there are.
It is a higher ceiling here on the base floor.
I'm going to do some dope monk shit
and I'm going to get up in the beams
so I can patrol from the top.
Make an acrobatics check. It's super easy.
It's going to be hilarious if I fail.
That's why I had to roll.
It's fine. It's fine.
23.
Easily done. There are easy footholds on the various planks in the wall You had a roll? Just in case. It's fine. 23.
Easily done. There are easy footholds on the various planks in the wall
and you just
and you're up there with the narrowest sound.
Any sort of slight impact or noise
is drowned out by the surrounding din.
No worries.
I'm just going to patrol from above.
You got it.
You watch as she comes and joins across your sitting arrangement,
pulls the hood back over her shoulders,
smiles a bit before leaning forward.
It is good to see you, Brian.
It's good to see you. Have a seat.
Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.
I don't know, I'm very nervous here, more than I have been in our past meetings.
I've sort of been trying to rehearse all day
what I would talk to you about here.
And none of it seems
appropriate.
Things okay here after dinner?
She glances about the room.
They've been interesting.
You and your friends
travel to Eiselcross at the behest of Vess Drogna.
We did.
Come on, let's dance.
And take her by the hand
and lead her out into the middle of the floor.
She goes along with it.
And as you both begin to dance,
and the tune here is a little more of a rhythmic sway,
so it's easy enough to engage, but interesting.
It's been a while since you've been in a position
to try and lead, but your partner is also often switching
and taking the lead.
There's almost a duel within the duet of a dance.
As she comes by and brushes past your ear and whispers,
keeping it covert while looking over your shoulder,
Ludinus has been keeping an eye.
Never one to trust, Vess.
So he requested
you be tracked
by Vostraka.
So we followed you.
How far did you get?
Well, quite a bit until you came to a base
of a mountain range and turned into birds.
It's hard for us to follow those who are polymorph.
But you need to be careful.
Ludinus is very well aware of what has become of us.
Knows of your proximity.
Just be careful. What does Ludinus know of her condition?
I do not know.
I just know that no one has heard from her
in the Assembly for weeks.
And you are the last to leave with them?
I struggle with
trust,
and I want very much to trust you.
I think we both know that's not entirely possible.
Not if we're both to stay alive.
What I wanted for the Empire as a child is different than what I want for the Empire today.
And I would hazard a guess that what you and I want for the Empire today. And I would hazard a guess that what you and I want
for the Empire is similar in some ways,
but different in many others.
I turn around and scan the room.
For?
Hmm?
Scan for? Where everyone is.
You can make out everybody except for,
oh, I'll make a perception check.
18.
18. You see Yasha in the corner.
You see dancing, not far from you,
Jester in her illusory form.
You see Caduceus having a seat and sipping from a drink.
And that's all you can see within the chamber,
but all eyes are in your direction
and they're keeping a close watch.
I care very much for the friendship that we once had,
but I don't trust you entirely
and I'm sure you do not trust me.
And yet, I have come here today to ask you a favor.
A few weeks ago, the number one thing on my mind
was trying to sort out the pieces after that peace treaty
and how to improve things here at home.
And all that is gone.
My friends and I,
we are getting wrapped up in something,
a danger,
a very real danger that includes
the survival of the Empire, the Kryn,
all of us.
There is something terrible coming out of the north. There is something terrible coming out of the north.
Something that has no preference for nation.
And this is going to be so hard to swallow and overlook,
but I need your help. going to be so hard to swallow and overlook,
but I need your help. We are in a race with a ticking clock
to stop a very real threat from being unleashed.
to stop a very real threat from being unleashed.
And we're being tracked.
In fact, I may be watched at this very moment,
which means you may be.
Do you still wear one of these?
Her eyes still pass by yours,
and she grabs your hand and begins leading you,
and the dynamic of the dance is shifted.
As she brings your hand up across the shoulder,
you see it brush past a cord on her neck
where a similar medallion briefly drifts out
before it slides back beneath the shawl.
She spins you around and pulls you in
and switching into Zemnian, just says,
These are odd times indeed,
but this confusion is advantageous.
If there is any love left between us,
I need more of these.
And I just lay my head against her head and dance for a moment.
Not forever.
Not for anything against the Empire or you.
My differences with you,
we'll save them for a later day.
But I need enough of these for my friends
for a few weeks, maybe,
so that we can go unnoticed.
And I promise you,
as the boy that I once was,
and the love that the three of us shared,
I mean no harm against the Empire or you now. I mean no harm against the Empire or you now,
and I will bring them back.
I'm begging, Astrid.
As you leaned into her,
there's a brief moment where,
even though you're still dancing,
her body seizes briefly.
That limber sway to the beat
clams up ever so slightly.
You feel her hand touch your back and shoulder,
and she falls back into lockstep with you,
and listens, there's that pause.
And she just leans into your ear. You're just cheek to cheek, not even looking at each other.
I'll see what I can do.
Just know there are eyes on you.
Which means either we're walking into their trap
or you beat them at their own game.
As she says those things,
and we're dancing around the room,
I spot Jester and watch,
tracking her insane dance moves
until we spin away.
Then I pull back a bit.
As you pull back, she pulls back a bit, too,
and you can see her ride herself and smile,
putting on that formal mask,
that veneer that you've seen before.
It drops again briefly.
She looks at you once more and Zemunian says,
I know you're here.
It could be an opportunity.
If you strike first.
Well, it was good to see you.
Enjoy the rest of your evening. And, well, maybe we'll catch up some other time.
Frey line.
Cheers, Ryan.
She puts her hood up and goes to exit the location.
You watch her exit and head out.
I follow.
Ooh.
Okay. I, across the beams,
slink down one of the walls,
trailer out the front entrance a little bit.
Okay.
As I see Beau leave, I'm like,
No, she's invisible.
Oh, that was it.
I will kind of...
J.K., J.K.
You just swallow,
and you accidentally inhale some of that spit, you know?
And you're like.
I'll give Fjord a little pop pop on the shoulder, though.
I should recognize.
That'd be cool.
Jeez!
Ghosts! Sneaking up on a camera.
Right in the tit.
I track just for a little bit.
Okay, make a stealth check with advantage.
Yeah.
Been a cucumber, man.
Don't fuck me, Gil.
Natural 20, Gil!
It's been a while, 30 total.
Been a while.
All righty.
You follow her for about seven or eight minutes
before you see her veer off the road a bit
and head into just a small, not even an alley,
but a little pocket between two buildings.
Alley, pocket.
Okay, got it.
You're writing down alley.
Dude, I might need to find this again.
Side, maximum.
Go, go, go.
Okay, as you catch around the side,
about three, four feet.
Three, four feet.
Yeah, I'm catching outside.
Within this side pocket,
you see her now back against the wall,
sitting on the ground, knees close to the chest,
and she's just curled up in a ball.
Oh.
How long does she sit there?
About five or six minutes or so.
Does she seem deeply conflicted, clearly?
Or what is her?
Good.
Deeply conflicted?
I don't know.
Not to be projecting on her or anything.
Or is that even her?
Yeah.
Make an insight check.
She seem like she has a big day tonight.
I mean, if you touch somebody
and they're on an illusionary spell,
you can tell that that's not them.
Yeah. Okay, it's fine.
15, 16?
Pretty good. You see,
in the low light at this point in the day,
it's a little challenging to pick up
most of the details of her expressions, the physicality.
It's hard to tell,
but she spends a good five, six minutes or so sitting there.
Is she crying? She's crying, isn't she?
She's crying, you guys. Okay.
It's hard to tell.
But you're caught off guard as she abruptly sits up,
stands, brushes herself off.
Allie, poop.
And then beelines in your direction.
I hug the wall.
She continues by and...
I peek around the corner, she heading for the towers.
She's heading towards the deeper exterior
of where the candles are, yeah.
I head back. Okay.
After pickpocketing a few baubles,
I'll, un-invisible, and then sit down.
If he's back sitting again, I'll rejoin Caleb.
Yeah, I'll head over, too. Okay. I'll meet up with Fjord in the front.
Anything interesting?
Yeah, sure, a few things that were interesting.
I think she will look into our request.
We're probably going to need to reach out to her again.
Should I do it now? No.
Should I do it now? No. Should I do it now?
Why, Miss LaVar, whatever do you mean?
Probably wait till tomorrow.
Okay.
Give her a chance to figure that out.
It's not like there are, oh, here.
It's not like there are 20 of these on the wall somewhere.
You, we're all in the same boat now.
If you want to keep it on, it's special to you, Caleb.
Are you using it?
I mean, all of us are.
But are you using it now?
Well, now I'm holding it.
Yeah, but he's peeking at you.
Well, he's peeking at all of us.
Probably peeking at Fjord.
Should we make him wear it again?
Because he's got the brand on him.
I'll send a message to Fjord saying,
hey, we're just having drinks now, come back up.
You can rally.
I'm going to walk over.
It's a bit like whack-a-mole, right?
Yes.
Caleb, you are a very good dancer.
Ooh, yes. Yeah, you dancer. Ooh, yes!
Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you guys are pretty cozy.
Sorry, the invisibility coming out of it.
Yeah, I love it.
That's how you come out of invisibility.
Drinks go all over the table.
Fuck!
Caleb, your hips don't lie.
Oh, she was doing most of the leading.
Now we were watching.
The town I grew up in, everybody could dance like that.
What did she say? How did it go?
Do we want to maybe, well, yeah.
They had sex on the dance floor.
Literally. I don't believe it.
Metaphorically, more like.
They followed us
north.
What?
And do you think that meant they sent people to follow us
or she herself followed us?
Oh.
Oh.
Full stracker.
She is one, isn't she?
Yeah, but she could have been delegating.
Oh.
I was a little distracted.
So all those times it may not have always been,
it could have been, oh wow, we were being very spied on.
We were being spied on by lots of people, huh?
Some of those spheres, those eyes,
weren't necessarily Lucien.
No wonder it feels like all the damn time.
But it also wasn't just scrying.
I think that they were on the ground there.
Present?
Yes, they said they lost track of us
once we took to the air.
Oh shit, they were with us for a while.
That was well into the snow.
She said into the mountains, too, right?
Wait, didn't we fly?
The first time you took flight
was shortly after you went to your first ruin,
and you were choosing between the Yeti village
and you go right over the mountain.
That was the first time you transformed into birds
and went over a mountain.
So it would have been then.
Does she know about...
The vagina. The vagina.
The vagene.
Lady D is off the map for them.
They do not seem to know why.
And I did not get a sense they know about our old friend.
Does she think we had a part in?
I'm going to call my vagina Lady D from now on.
Lady D is a good word.
Are you telling just me that or the table?
Well, I look to you and say it, but.
What is the D short for?
Dick.
Ready for.
Richard.
That's a good name.
Okay.
There you go. Blue screen, blue screen, blue screen.
Did they report us?
Are we being investigated?
Do they think we're responsible?
Where is she not now?
I mean, we are on their list, I'm sure.
One of the most powerful people in the country is gone
and was last seen with us.
Which is partially why I wanted to loop them in
at the beginning to nip that in the bud,
but we do not have any good options.
Do we?
Have they been following us since we got back?
Do they know we're here?
Do they know where we're going?
I do not believe so.
But.
I think she said that they knew we were here.
Knew we were here in town?
Yeah.
She did mention that.
Thank you.
You said something super quiet,
and I was like, what did he say?
Sorry, actually.
That's okay.
You know they were here.
I should have ASMR'd it for you.
Yeah, I got that.
Yeah, I got that.
Is that Sandalwood?
We know you're here.
There we go.
A little bit of rapping.
Well?
Beauvauque?
Are they watching us now?
Are they here?
We've had eyes on this whole place
every moment we've been here.
No one's here, and maybe not physically on location.
We got to get those necklaces.
Well, we still need to,
we have to do what we have to do.
We have to do what we have to do.
We have to go see your family.
But why are they, why are they watching us?
Is there, I mean.
Well, Lady DeRogna is the Empire, or was the Empire.
She was one of the nine Cerberus Assembly members.
She is gone.
Are you, are you concealing the last thing that she told you,
or have you told us that?
I hadn't gotten to it yet.
Cool.
What else did she say?
How do you eat?
What were her last words to you?
She said bye.
All right. She said bye. All right.
She said, I need to go find an alley.
Deuces place, then.
No, no, no.
Let's just leave here.
Okay. There's more,
but let's leave here. Sure.
I'll leave first and scan the streets.
Make a perception check.
Yeah, bitch.
18. 18 a perception check. Yeah, bitch. 18.
18? Not bad.
Looks like the expected scattering of late night
event hoppers and people finishing,
closing up work and business for the night.
Nothing strange catches your eye.
Clear.
Do we want to get a room?
Yep. That's the want to get a room. Yep.
That's the way to do it.
Let's not even leave the building.
It's a cheap room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's smart.
Oh, they rent rooms here?
I mean, I assume they do. Yeah, yeah.
Right?
I mean, not every restaurant has rooms.
And then with a tavern.
This is an animal.
I don't believe you've had a room here before.
I think this is more of a social space.
There is a place that you've rented here before
that's towards the mud top ward.
Oh.
Yeah, let's do that.
We can also go get rooms back at the Soul,
but it might be good to separate our location right now.
I think right now, yeah.
I think so.
Just go off the grid as much as we are able to.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'll just drop an oops stone in the hall before we leave.
Yes! Yes!
Paying for a room.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
We know where we are.
Fiona Fancypants, had some burritos.
You see this, these two gentlemen
who were eyeing you for a lot of the dancing, who've been hovering,
sort of that dance hovering,
looking for a way to get in there
as soon as you turn around and drop the stone,
stop and go,
I wink it up.
You're just left there, confused and like,
What is love?
It's in my nose.
Oh god. I can taste it.
Are you going to the previous place you rented,
or are you looking for another new establishment?
Let's just find one in this area.
That's the one we rented before it was closed by.
It is here, close by?
Right?
You guys went to find someplace
that was a little bit cheaper and off the path
in the Mudtop Ward last time.
Let's do that.
Yeah, we'll go to the same place.
Veth, what does your sight do,
and how long does it last?
It's forever and always.
I can see things that are invisible.
I can see, well, I'll check.
Creatures, I believe.
Blind sense.
If I can hear, I can hear the location of any hidden or invisible creature within 10 feet of me.
So I got to go around listening for breath, basically.
Got it. Not a mystical oar.
I don't see, I just can hear
if there's some living thing near me.
As we're moving, I'll slip into an alley,
summon the sword very quickly,
and cast Seeing Invisibility for the next hour,
just in case we're being tailed physically.
You've got it. Easy enough to do.
And I wanted to say earlier, as everyone's leaving,
I will be the last person out to see if just any eyes
trailed after Caleb or Vess as they left?
Reception check.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I think I know my, 15.
15?
That's fine.
Nothing peaks your radar of intrigue or worry.
Okay.
A short time, you find your way back to the Mudtop Ward.
You find a small hole in the place.
It's less of a major inn A short time, you find your way back to the Mudtop Ward. You find a small hole in the place.
It's less of a major inn and more like partially attached to stables.
Three table eating room
and a total of four rooms available,
of which one is currently occupied.
The others are available.
It smells largely of hay and slop
and dried grain that's gotten a little moldy.
Not the worst, but definitely has more of an earthy
atmosphere to it, but dirt cheap.
Each room is this one. Perfection.
It's like one silver piece a night per room.
Okay.
You want to negotiate?
Yeah, yeah, I'll take care of it, guys.
Before we head in the structure,
orbs, rooftops, streets, any invisible forms, spheres,
anything like that.
Okay. Make a perception check.
14. 14.
Nothing catching your attention.
You feel pretty solid.
You're not seeing anything of that sort.
Okay.
Okay. In we go.
Do you just get one room?
Just the one room? Get a...
Yeah!
Just the one room.
You heard the lady.
One room, please.
Easy enough done.
One silver for the night.
Chamber is prepared.
I'll take care of the payment.
It's small, but functional for your purposes.
Okay.
All right, so once we're in,
let's not even waste any time.
You're ready to go?
No, but let's do it.
Do you have any kind of keepsake from home?
We're just going to leave.
Don't we have things to pick up? Shopping?
Don't you want to talk to her again tomorrow?
Yeah, is she going to give us stuff?
We don't know.
So we're going to go and come back?
Well, we don't have a lot of time.
Yeah?
So the question is, do we wait a day here in town?
We could.
At least to see what she says in the morning?
I think it might be worth it.
We could go, that's true.
Your call.
I feel confident that home is home right now.
I mean, I don't care, going and coming back,
but we have no idea how long that's going to take.
Well, okay.
Okay, boy, so many things.
So many things.
Well, hang on, because you,
we left in a hurry.
Oh! Where did everything,
where do we stand with her?
How were you feeling?
Because I tracked her to an alley.
She seems real sad.
Sad?
Yeah, I think she had a little breakdown,
a little cry sesh.
Well, wouldn't you if you wanted to be
with this amazing young man
and couldn't be because of circumstances tearing you apart?
Absolutely, I think that could be
potentially one of a dozen reasons.
Feel for her, man.
She skirted the issue of taking the old man out.
Wait, what? You mean Trent?
Or Ludinus?
Or?
Or both.
She didn't say, but I assume she meant Trent.
Holy shit, Caleb.
As in she would help or she?
Is suggesting it?
Yeah.
She was encouraging.
Then fucking let's do it. Yeah. I think she was encouraging.
Then fucking let's do it! Yeah, that guy's the worst.
What did she say?
How did she phrase it?
She said that she thought this was the time
if we struck first.
How do you feel about that? Yes, it could be a trap.
He could have sent her.
Yeah, if they know we're around,
they think that we killed Vess
and then she sends us after Trent, too.
Two Assembly members?
Do you stuff up?
I do, for an hour.
How's the room that we're in?
Looking around.
Don't see anything that catches your worry.
How's the scar?
Ah.
I mean, is it glowing around your finger?
It's not really the scar so much as my rock-hard pecs
that I'll still throw.
Ah!
Don't say pecs.
Show the scar.
How it keeps reforming is beyond me, but that's cool.
You think it matters?
Just so many prickle-able shirts.
I feel like they could just be switching between us.
It couldn't hurt.
I mean, what if she was?
Caleb just slumps to the ground,
head between his legs and sticks his own head into his hands.
It's okay, Caleb.
We'll figure this out.
Can I just ask you straight out?
I've been wanting to for forever.
If you had Trent Ikithon
tied to a chair and he was powerless
and it was up to you whether he lived or died,
what would you want?
Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah. Is everything wrong with this place?
But we have so much to do right now,
and I don't know what she's playing at.
So if the time was right,
and circumstance would allow,
although part of me questions is if that is,
if that is some part of a game
that he is playing in and of itself.
But he's spoiled a lot of
young people from this country.
And he shouldn't be doing it anymore.
I do have some hesitation because I don't know what will,
what fills that vacuum.
I don't know.
Astrid?
Eadwulf? You? What fills that vacuum? I don't know. Astrid? Adolf?
You?
You.
Would you consider filling that void?
And what?
Contradict the king?
Changed it.
Seems like they have no problem doing it.
I mean, you could, in theory,
effect change from the inside.
I mean, this is all conceptual, of course, but.
I mean, it's possible that all this
will get taken care of for us.
Didn't you say, Beau, that the king was
opposed to the Assembly members right now?
There's infighting going on, right?
There's a lot of infighting and a lot of
incongruent information being tossed around.
I don't know.
When have you ever found that the wheels of justice
sort of just turn in the right direction?
Yeah.
And the infighting has ebbed and flowed for centuries,
as long as Ludinus has been in power and before.
We were not necessarily immune to it, either.
We were with Vess when she died.
Yeah, but Vess got picked off easy,
and if Trent is out of favor,
it would be quite opportune.
It just also looks like an amazing way
to get us to be tied to the deaths
of two huge Serpent's Assembly members. Absolutely.
So the question is,
was Astrid slumped in an alleyway crying
because she misses you?
Or was she slumped in an alleyway crying because
she's trying to set you up.
And she knows that's fucking shitty.
Should I ask her?
I got a better idea.
If we get a hold of her,
she comes through,
we're going to have to have one more conversation.
It's a perfect opportunity for Zone of Truth.
Make a room where we have to lay our cards on the table.
You got any feelings from that god of yours? Hmm? Got any feelings from that god of yours?
Hmm?
Got any feelings from that god of yours?
Ooh.
Oh, I can ask.
Ooh.
I can ask Arty. Arty?
Yeah.
He's real good at telling when people are lying and stuff.
I could ask, but it's not really where we come from.
It would probably, Jester's duty
may be a little more inclined.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll take a few minutes and cast Commune.
All righty.
As you all settle into this chamber,
the senses grow steadily more perturbed by the aromas
that seem to permeate the inside of this chamber.
The stains across the wooden floor and the furniture
tell a number of stories in parts
that leave the imagination to consider
where the rest of the story may have gone.
Gross.
But you complete the ritual and you watch as,
within the central circle that you're sitting, you glance up
into the ceiling of the room you're in,
and Artie is up on the roof looking down at you
as this hood falls back and he goes,
Hello, dear. What is it you wanted?
And he drifts onto the ground next to you.
The cloak, almost like a Batman landing.
We see or just she sees?
Just she sees. Well, just like a Batman landing. We see or just she sees? Just she sees.
Well, just me today, fun.
Okay.
So you know how Caleb was just talking to Asterid
and she was saying all these contradicting things
and saying they know that we're here.
Is she setting us up for a trap?
It's challenging when individuals are duplicitous by nature, at least by the teachings they've undergone.
I can't straight out tell you what a person's feeling,
but I can gather she's certainly an opportunist.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. She's certainly an opportunist.
Okay.
That's an opportunist. I really should have thought about things
I was going to ask you before.
That's all right.
You could ask me about how my day was.
Well, hang on a second,
I only get a few of these things.
Hmm.
Anything you guys want to ask him?
What?
Smacks your tit.
Ah!
And now you all can see our tagging.
Ah!
All right.
Fucking arch me!
What, all the cool kids were doing it, I'm sorry.
Oh man.
Did you say, is the grove safe?
Is the grove safer now?
Oh, is the grove safer now?
Because this is his home.
He looks up for a second, closes his eyes.
Hmm, same musty smell it always seems to carry.
I don't think it's an immediate danger.
That's good to know. Good to know.
How about, is Trent Ikithon home,
or is Trent Ikithon watching us?
Or is he...
Is Trent, I should say, or Ludinus,
because we need to know. You don't get two questions, but sure. Do you? Is Trent, I should say, or Ludinus,
because we need to know.
You don't get two questions, but sure.
Well, it's one question.
Yeah, sure.
You don't have to specify who, that's the problem.
Is someone watching us is not a good question.
No, that's a dumb question.
I want to know if Trent.
Would attacking Trent right now be in our favor?
Ooh, that's a good one, what he said.
I love the answer to that.
That could be sick, it could be out of favor,
it could be... Would fighting,
would attacking Trent Ikithong right now
be in our favor?
This very moment, likely not.
So no.
Bitch.
Yes, he definitely is setting us up.
How was your day?
My day was fine.
I'm just glad you decided to check in.
I'm a little bit wary of your choice in decor.
I think you're worth a lot more than such a chamber.
I mean, it's a bit of a step down.
I know it's stinky in here,
but we were trying to be secret.
Well, you're doing it well.
I mean, I certainly can't be seen here.
Bye.
I love him so much, you guys.
You don't turn it down.
Yeah, you gather the final answer was inconclusive,
taking what you're saying literally
and being right now this very moment?
Right now? No.
But it's a hard question to answer.
I think she sees Caleb as a pawn.
I don't.
I genuinely don't. I think she's conflicted.
I think she loves you.
I think she loves you, Caleb.
I don't think she loves me, Jester.
It has been a very long time since I was.
Do you love her?
I care for her, but it doesn't matter.
If it came down to it and Astrid asked you
to do something that went against
everything you stood for now,
because it would help her, would you do it?
No.
But then we can't trust her to do the same.
I think she sees Caleb as an opportunity
to better her situation.
Not in an evil way.
I think she sees you as someone who is capable
of doing what she is afraid to.
Mm-hmm.
That had occurred to me.
Maybe, maybe we can just keep the pretense up long enough who is capable of doing what she is afraid to. Mm-hmm. That had occurred to me.
Maybe we can just keep the pretense up long enough
to get the favor.
I will say that I don't like making decisions
based on what we think other people are feeling,
because we have no idea what's in her mind.
We just got fed a bunch of bullshit by your fake god.
We should make decisions based on what we want to do
and what we think is right.
I'm not making decisions based off of what
the fey gentleman said.
I'm going off of what I've read on her in the moment.
Which was that she can't be trusted?
She's ambitious.
And I would not be shocked if Trent were removed,
if she were to fill that place,
and I don't get the sense that things would improve much.
I don't really care about her or what she does,
or this place or these people.
All I care about is what you do
and how you control your destiny.
I've heard you say that you don't want to
forget about your past, and that's admirable.
I've heard you say that you want to go back
and fix your past, which is...
Fairytale.
Interesting.
But I think the most concrete thing that you can do
is seize control of your past.
Go make of it what you wish.
If this man wronged you,
fix it.
Fix him.
Get rid of him.
Put it behind you.
Get closure.
Burn your past.
That's what you have to do for you.
Not for her.
I've weighed that very thing for many, many years, Feth.
And in the past, I was not strong enough to do it
or brave enough to do it.
Didn't even seem like a possibility until recent time,
but now we have a lot to do
that is more important than...
Nothing is more important than you.
If that thing comes through a hole in the ice,
there could be no more empire, no more dynasty, nothing.
And I don't know what's happening with this or that.
I don't want to waste our time to have us fall on the top of the world.
Yeah, I want him dead.
He's ruined my life.
He took my life away from me.
Then I fucking helped!
But I'm not going to risk all of you right now.
We need to get ready and we need to go north
and finish what we started.
Is that your fear of making that decision?
There are things way bigger than my
personal grievances,
as painful as they are.
Save it for a rainy day is all I can say right now.
Every day's rainy.
When we save the world,
we'll come back and kill Trent.
And if we don't, he'll probably die anyway.
Yeah. Silver linings. we don't, he'll probably die anyway. Yeah. Silver Linings.
I don't have to be the one.
I don't know.
We just need something better, Caduceus.
I think you're making the right choice.
I think they're making the time and a place, but.
Thank you.
Your concern is appreciated, truly.
Thank you.
For now, if you are all right with this, we stay here tonight, like you said.
We reach out to her again tomorrow,
see if anything can be gleaned.
And maybe some of us can have
some little bit of pleasure for one night.
Give me one second.
It says Caleb, not Liam.
Okay.
He pulls out Kalyana's wand and sits on the ground and starts to begin the process for creating the tower
here in this shitty sheep's quarters.
All right.
As he does that, I'll use the rest of the sea invisibility
to make sure no one's watching him do that in the throne.
Perception check.
Guidance.
What does Guidance give me on the air?
Additional d4.
Additional d4.
Four.
Eight.
Oh god.
Wow. Thank god.
Feeling pretty solid.
You got this place on lockdown.
We airtight, fam.
Oh.
And with the completion of the casting,
the familiar door reveals itself,
the tower interior awaiting your entry.
Now, I regret to inform the majority of you
and myself that we will in fact be sleeping
in this shithole.
Beauregard, Yasha, the tower is yours.
Oh, we're doing this tonight?
We're doing this tonight.
Oh yes. What are doing this tonight. Oh yes.
What are we doing tonight?
I push Yasha into the door.
I pull out my flower.
Yasha's gone.
You can do this.
Is that a flower?
Jett's guiding you to the door.
I'm going to go on a date, bye!
The door closes behind as the rest of you stand there
in the rather cramped, unpleasant,
but functional quarters for your night's rest
at the behest of Caleb.
Okay. No!
Let me put the alarm spell on the shitty door.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, please, yeah.
I thought we were going to do this tomorrow night. Yeah, I don't care.
And we're going to take a break.
That's not good!
Because we're past break time.
That went a little long, my apologies.
45 more minutes to think about things, fuck!
We'll come back here in a few minutes
to see what the evening in the tower holds in store
for these two members of the Mighty Nein.
We'll see you guys in a few minutes.
Too much attention on me.
We interrupt this Critical Role Podcast Network broadcast
to bring you news of dangerous treasures that lie sealed within the Critical Role shops.
Only the heartiest of adventurers should dare seek them out.
In all seriousness, though, I'm Matthew Mercer,
and we've made some very cool things that we really like and hope you will, too.
If you'd like to support the show, please consider visiting any of our Critical Role online shops
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Okay, back to the show.
And welcome back.
So, as we left off,
the door slammed shut behind Beauregard
as the both of you stand in the bottom
of Caleb's nine-sided tower, freshly renovated.
Caleb, take it away.
Yeah, so this is Caleb's tower,
so the narration will sound a little like Caleb.
But with very white music playing in the background.
That's right.
That's right.
Welcome, Mighty Nein.
So you are in the entryway
where you have been several times.
It is a very tall, nine-sided chamber.
Wait, is this narrated?
Like an airport? Yes, from over here.
No, no, it's not. I sort of put in
some requests to Caleb.
I don't know how any of this is going to turn out.
Art is subjective to interpretation, right?
I love art, so this is perfect.
This will be like a weird gallery of what I wanted
and what we got.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm in.
Okay. Will you go'm in. Okay.
Will you go on a date with me?
I thought this was going to happen earlier.
I'm kind of fast-tracking things now.
I, yes, I would love to go on a date with you.
I was thinking this was going to happen later as well,
so I'm not as prepared.
Me neither.
I didn't take a shower.
I have really bad BO.
I like BO.
It's great. So I'm Trujassian. I can't take a shower. I have really bad BO. I like BO. It's great.
So I'm Drahasian.
I can't smell.
I'm in.
Okay.
I, wow.
This feels weird that they're all sleeping out there
and we're having a great time, but fuck it.
I kind of thought this was going to happen
in Nicodranas when Veth was going to be with her husband,
and Jester and Fjord would go bone somewhere.
I don't know. I thought it wouldn't be a thing.
Here you go, you're in, and everybody's outside.
But listen.
I feel like,
it feels like the world is ending all the time,
so we might as well.
Yeah.
Cheers to that.
I'd love you to just get ready real quick,
and I put on my bow tie.
Okay.
I just do a quick comb with my fingers.
You hear a bell go, ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling,
and right down at your feet is Frumpkin, the cat.
And he has a little silver bell
that you've seen Caleb use with his spellcasting before,
tied with a ribbon to his tail.
And he just looks up at you,
and turns and begins to go up the spiral stairs
up to the platform that you depart from
to reach the upper regions of the tower.
I think we should follow the hospitality staff.
Oh, yes, sir, lead the way.
Please, good Frumpkin.
When you crest the top,
there is an easel with just a little note on it
that says Willkommen, and there are- Is it an easel with just a little note on it that says, Willkommen. And there are sparse,
not many, but black and blue flower petals
just floating, rotating slowly in the column
in the center of this chamber
that is used for floating up to higher regions.
I can't tell if I'm hot or cold, hang on.
Frumpkin actually starts floating up in front of you,
the bell going ding, ding, ding, ding.
I'm cold, but I'm sweating.
Yeah, me too.
And as he rises above you, the iris opens,
and slightly different than what you've seen before,
the chamber above is completely dark,
and Frumpkin disappears into it.
Ding, ding, ding.
Wow.
Shall we? Sorry, I thought you were giving me something
new on my hand.
I had spent a minute.
Wait, but I grab the petals,
a couple of the petals,
and I put them in my book really quickly.
I just want to save these.
Okay.
Here's my hand.
Okay.
Up, up!
All right, so as the two of you slowly,
hand in hand, float up through the open iris
into the great hall above,
you ascend into darkness
and you see the iris, the brass iris, close beneath you.
So you're in total darkness
and you feel your feet very gently
just land back down on the floor on this iris.
And you're alone together,
feeling each other's hands in the dark.
And you see, after a brief moment,
a runway of amber-colored, miniature, long-haired dachshunds
come aglow in the dark, like a runway,
leading in a path towards one wall
in this nine-sided chamber.
And Frumpkin, you see in this dim light,
just walking forward and the tail going,
ding, ding, ding, ding.
What are these most glorious creatures?
These are wiener dogs.
I think this is a wiener red carpet,
but I'm trying to interpret what Caleb meant.
Holy shit.
Yes.
Aren't they cute?
I reach down and I give some scritches,
and I just keep scritching as we walk.
And I'm going to pick one up and go.
This is exactly what I was hoping for. As you make your way down between these two rows
of dachshunds, you see two of Caleb's globules
slowly fade up in warm light
when you draw close to one of the doors
and Frumpkin turns around
and there is a little note hanging around his neck
and it says, Einz.
And you see two little amber doxies
pulling blue velvet sashes
that are attached to the handles of double doors.
Because remember, there are nine sets of double doors
in this chamber.
Okay.
And the doxies on the ground pull apart the doors.
And as they do, you see what looks almost like
a rolling stage of sorts coming gently,
sliding out of the closet space,
but it has sections that are folded up
and collapsed in weird, strange ways.
And as it expands out of the closet,
it begins to open up,
almost like a clockwork construction
or even a pop-up book.
Tables and chairs fold out
and lock into place in various ways.
And you now are looking at a trio of tavern tables.
The last thing to slide into place
are a familiar looking bar, which brings in the rear
and a hanging sign that slides out, extending over, drops.
And you see a sign similar to the one you remember
long ago that read the Nestled Nook. extending over, it drops, and you see a sign similar to the one you remember
long ago that read, The Nestled Nook.
Now, I should point out,
the colors of this wooden recreation
are just a little more vibrant,
a little more colorful than you remember,
but it is unmistakably a magical fold-out recreation
of the Nook.
One of Caleb's globules now glow intimately over each of the nook. One of Caleb's globules now glow intimately
over each of the three tables.
You notice three bottles of Lionet Vintage
sitting on the bar alongside some glasses,
but also you hear the turn of wheels
as a little Amber Doxey pulls what looks like
a small sleigh on rollers out of a hole
in the back of the closet
along a track that is extended out from that hole
to the bar and the doxy, like a little Santa,
pulls a little sled out
and there are two crystal glasses on it
full of a dark amber liquid.
And there's a little folded note
in front of the cocktails in widow-gassed script
that says, dark and stormy.
A nod to our goth barbarian, you surmise.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
This is...
You know, you go first.
No, you.
Shit. Yeah. This is... You know, you go first. No, you. Shit.
Yeah.
This is lovely.
He really outdid himself.
This is just stop one.
This is just stop one?
I told Caleb,
since I wanted to start over,
I wanted to start over.
So my request was a little bit of a walkthrough
of where we've been
and some of our favorite hiding spots.
And felt it was only appropriate to start at the Nestled Nook Inn.
So these are just a little bit of, you know,
pre-gaming cocktails,
so don't go too crazy.
I chug.
The large chamber is shrouded in darkness.
The only thing lit up is this little tavern corner,
all on its own, in the void.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like your bow tie.
Thank you.
Veth helped me pick it out.
Boy.
I...
I got something today to use for this moment,
but... It's not that divination cream, is it? today to use for this moment, but.
It's not that divination cream, is it?
Because that might be toxic.
It is.
Oh!
But I think
it smells weird.
And I think I...
I... I... oh.
I've been trying to keep my distance from you
when I found out that he was listening
and they were watching, but
I just, I've had a lot of people in my head
and I don't want to give them you.
So.
Are you talking about Lucien?
Yeah.
And I just, I don't want them to see that I,
that I fuck.
I mean, that's not what I, that sounded weird.
I don't want them to know that I care about you.
Because I don't know if they're going to
use that in some way, you know?
Yeah.
But...
Fuck it, I guess, you know?
I really hope you don't.
I mean, clearly you do,
but you shouldn't harbor any guilt
about any of our previous encounters
in which you clearly weren't yourself.
It's not that I'm trying to compare.
And I know you've been through a lot, but
I hope you know I trust you.
And
I don't feel like I have any right to say that what we're going into is any different because I don't feel like I have any right to say
that what we're going into is any different
because I don't know.
I don't know Lucien's capabilities
separate from Obann or anybody else.
But that wasn't you,
and you shouldn't judge yourself as if it was. But that wasn't you,
and you shouldn't judge yourself as if it was.
I try not to.
I think it's getting easier,
I think it's getting easier,
but I still am hunted but I still am haunted
every night with the look on your face
when I almost killed you.
But...
I still think of the look on your face
when I bruise the fuck out of your eye,
punching the shit out of you.
Trying to get you to snap out of it.
They're not pleasant memories, Yasha.
It's funny, we don't have
a lot of pleasant memories, it seems.
But we've all
come together and tried to make some.
Here's to making some more tonight.
Absolutely.
Last time we were here,
in the Nestled Nook, Lucien was still Molly.
God, I miss him so bad.
I don't think I ever got the story
of how the two of you met,
but let's save that for location number two.
Okay. Let's save that for location number two.
Okay.
Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Frumpkin!
There's a little note hanging under his chin
and it says, Svei.
And, uh. Time to number two.
What? That's two?
Okay, Svei. The entire room goes dark again
and you sit in darkness for a moment
and little amber doxies
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
lead away from the tavern where you are.
You surmise back towards the center of the room,
and Frumpkin just strolls along, inviting you behind him.
As you make your way behind the cat,
you start to hear the sound of little rollers again and globules floating closer to the ceiling
start to still dim, but light up.
And you see those tracks like aqueducts
that run all around the walls
that they normally cats travel through
have little doxies running all along them. around the walls that normally cats travel through,
have little doxies running all along them,
and you see a curtain or drape being pulled
all around the entire room,
different pieces being stretched out
until you see black and blue wildflowers
painted on this backdrop surrounding you
all around the room.
And the curtain undulates gently,
giving the effect of flowers blowing in the wind.
And as you reach the center of the room
and you hear just a little more tinkle of the bell,
you see a picnic blanket sitting in the center.
And there is a little basket with a black
and blue checkered cloth in it
and there are tacos with fish and insects.
Some of them still moving.
Just my favorite.
There is another basket
with several more bottles of Lionette wine.
And as you reach the picnic blanket and sit down,
you see a few doxies running in different directions across the room and long green silks
get pulled across the entire floor
and those undulate as well.
And as you sit there, it's art and pageantry,
but it does create the effect of sitting
in a field of wildflowers and the globules of light are dim
and it feels like
the early part of evening.
Wow.
This is so beautiful.
It's like living in a painting.
Yeah.
Tacos?
My favorite.
Yes. I
furl out the blanket, lay it down,
crack open a bottle of wine. Yes, I'm very excited to try. I furl out the blanket, lay it down,
crack open a bottle of wine.
Yes, I'm very excited to try.
This is a good year.
My father, he had a rough time this year.
A lot of barrels wasted due to a giant flood
that came into the vineyard.
So only the ones that were on the topmost shelf
were the ones that were able to survive, so.
So that's limited.
Very few bottles of this.
I mean, I mean, seems like a magical creation.
We'll see how it does.
I'm in.
Pour two glasses.
So how did you and Molly meet?
Well, when I was
going through the Wastes of Xhorhas,
when I was not quite myself
for weeks or maybe a month,
however long it was, I don't know.
When I finally came to, I,
he was the first person that I saw.
And he was so beautiful.
And he was so beautiful.
I had been in just,
I had been in just,
there was no color, there was no life,
there was no
anything out there in the Ways and Shorehouse.
And then when I saw him,
he was a kindred spirit.
And he introduced me to everybody in the circus,
and they took me in,
and him and I were the best friends. They took me in, and him and I were the best friends.
And I was weird and he was weird.
We all were weird.
And he just completely accepted me for who I was,
and he didn't ask any questions.
But he changed my life in a very big way.
But that's how we met.
He was the first person I saw in, I don't know,
however long I was.
I mean, obviously not including Obann and
whatever happened with that during that time, but
that's how we met.
I hope you feel like we've been your new circus.
Yeah. Accepted by all of us weirdos.
Yeah.
I...
Is it not the same?
It is better.
In what way?
There's a closeness that we all have that I haven't experienced
with a group of people like this before.
I care about everyone so deeply,
and I feel that love back.
And I loved everyone in the circus.
They were all so full of life and, you know.
But everyone in our group is family
and that's
something I didn't ever quite have.
I'll never forget
seeing you for the first time
at the circus and the crazy.
Think I carried you?
You did.
Why? Why did I carry you?
Because you were trying to confiscate everyone's weapons
and I didn't want you to take my staff,
so I pretended that I was injured
and Jester was like,
oh yeah, she's got a hurt leg.
Oh, so she's trying to help you in.
It was super dumb. yeah, that's right.
You saw through my bullshit real quick.
I didn't.
I thought you were hurt, I think.
You did not. Didn't?
There was no way.
I mean, if you want to make me feel good now,
I'll take it.
I may have been distracted with things, but I...
I remember when I saw all of you, it was...
Boy, that day changed everything.
It's interesting you talking about
Molly being this burst of color
in your monochromatic life
Molly being this burst of color in your monochromatic life
because part of the reason you stood out
like a sore thumb is because you were this black and white
and gray monochromatic vision amongst
this fairy tale of color.
You hear a squeaky wheel in the distance.
And out of the darkness,
one single little doxy comes
with one of those little sleds behind him.
And there is a little stack of black moss cupcakes on it.
And he just stops in front of Yasha and just looks up.
There they are, yes!
Black moss cupcakes.
Oh my god. Yeah?
This is just the greatest hits.
Caddy, you know, all the greatest hits.
Screechies.
Isn't, aren't they the best?
Oh, I just love them.
Oh, these buddies. So much fruit.
I know you like dogs.
Oh, I just love them.
I just can't get enough.
I just, oof.
Caleb got a little bugged out
about me turning the cats into dogs.
Really? I know.
Well, I wish he would add them to the mix.
I love cats, but dogs, ugh.
I just love them. Like a cats and dogs
living together in harmony?
Yes.
Traitors.
We should pitch that to him.
Traitors both. I think so.
Cheers to black moss cupcakes, I guess.
So how are you doing?
I know that's kind of a loaded question, but.
I'm okay. Are you okay? I'm okay.
Yeah.
Hearing the news from Udalla
yesterday about
how their yesterday about how they're prosecuting the
Cobalt Soul members that were responsible for my
being there.
I don't know.
It gave me a resolve and a sense of purpose
and assurance that I didn't know I was looking for.
Hmm.
Felt like it kind of cleared away
any final reservations I had with the reserve.
And I mean, I had with the reserve, and...
I mean, I'm still my regular skeptic self, but...
It was good to hear that not all of bureaucracy will stand for that type of bullshit.
Yeah.
Hey.
I just want you to know,
just before we continue this,
whatever this night is,
that I have no expectations, and
at the end of all of this, if it just,
you have the reassurance of knowing that I'm somebody
that you can come and talk to,
if you need to, and that's,
that's enough for me.
Thank you for saying that.
I feel the same way.
But at the same time,
things really changed for me when we went to Komorda.
And
I saw you with your family and I got a glimpse into how your world was when you were growing up and I
I fell in love with you in Kamordah.
I look at the dachshunds behind me.
I just, that just came out so fast
and I didn't know that was going to come out right then.
I say that, I don't, I don't, whoo.
I don't have expectations either,
but I really care about you,
and I just, I hope, if anything,
that you know I'm,
I'm so proud of the person that you've become.
Just seeing where you started and where you are now, and you have completely done that on your own.
And I just, I'm,
you blow me away.
Feelings mutual.
You could have left at any time.
You kept coming back to this group.
Why?
You guys are the only family that I have.
And I think
I am so scared.
When I was in Kamordah,
that fear of losing this family,
I almost sabotaged it
just so that I wouldn't have to deal with the angst
and the anguish of wondering if and when
and how this family will fall apart.
Like ripping off a band-aid that was never there.
Or I guess over a wound that was never there.
Just try to rip it off for the pain and nothing else.
Yeah.
That's relatable.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean. That's relatable. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm...
I'm so scared to lose everyone.
I think that's why I kept showing up.
Also trying to kill everybody,
so that doesn't really make any sense.
But, um...
I just, I don't want to lose anyone,
because I don't know if I could survive that again.
But I feel like people keep asking me,
like, what's your purpose?
You know, Lucien asked me that, and I'm like,
I don't know.
I feel like it's just
to protect,
to try to keep everybody safe and alive.
That's why you're my favorite.
Who, me?
I want to kiss you so bad.
I want to kiss you so bad.
I was about to ask you.
I jump all over.
I kiss her!
There it is.
Just like cupcakes are on the side of the wall.
Make it a mess.
Seven areas left untouched.
Yeah, I'm, no, floofs, floofs, get away.
Okay, go, go, shoot, scram.
No, get, get, floofs, get away. Okay, go, go, shoot, scram. No, get, get, get.
Oh, the dogs, I forgot the dogs.
Get in your face.
But Yasha, as you guys entangle yourselves
and roll all over the place,
you hear a little jingle and look over
and Frumpkin is there staring at you
with a very blank stare on his face.
I smack Caleb on the back.
You're not here.
I'm not controlling this.
This was set going.
You see another little placard hanging
under Frumpkin's face and it says,
Dry, which you know very well by now
from hanging out with Caleb is the Xem'nian word for three.
But then the card falls away
and it says the common word, Die.
And all the globules of light blaze as bright as they can.
And the flowery curtain all around the room
drops and spills down to the floor,
and all of the nine double doors in this entire room
are open and filled with what look like amber,
leather-clad humanoid figures
with Doberman pincer heads.
Yes, Beauregard, these are the ninjas you requested.
Yes!
I need you both to roll initiative.
Yes! Oh shit, both to roll initiative. Yes!
Holy shit, this is the best.
It's on the list, motherfucker.
Okay!
Shit, it's so bad. Such a bad roll.
Oh, I get advantage.
It's the fucking same.
I rolled two nines, which is appropriate.
So plus three, it's 12.
16.
16, all righty.
So we have Beau is up first,
then the Dobermans,
then Yasha.
Beau, what are you going to do?
All nine of them are now rushing in
from all sides.
So I'm on top of Yasha, right?
Because we were in the middle of this heated makeout.
So as I'm straddling her, I'm like,
sorry, babe.
Got to handle these ninjas.
And without really moving much,
I just cartwheel off of her into a standing position,
and I take out my staff,
and I do a really extra flourish for no real reason.
And then I go after them and just
with my staff. Go for it.
Go for it. You're attacking them.
But it's really Jedi-like.
Oh yeah. I'm kind of, yeah.
Episode three flourish.
Yes, but yeah, putting on.
Okay.
Nonsensically, yeah.
Pull on episode three flourish, nonsensical.
None of this would hit.
Go for it. But.
First one's coming at you right now.
Oh my god, oh my god.
Oh, so scary!
Oh, oh god.
That is a roll like shit for me, which is funny.
17?
17 still hits.
All right.
Next one.
That's a natural 17 for a total of 29.
All right.
Don't even worry about damage.
Uh-huh, pop, uh-huh.
The first one where it runs to you, whack!
You hit the first one that comes at you.
As you hit it, it explodes in a spray of,
would be black and blue glittering illusory dust
off that side. Yes!
And I just turn my hair in the glitter
so I look at Yasha, and I go for the second one.
I do a fake faint.
Oh my god.
The staff goes through the second one
without even looking, that one just gets bisected.
You watch as it
scatters into more glitter dust around you.
Wow!
I take some of the glitter dust
and I just smear it across my face.
That's going to be there for years.
Yeah.
Herpes is the crap world. Oh no, oh no.
Oh no!
The remaining seven come rushing in.
Oh, pop, pop! Flurry of blows.
Go for it.
Before their turn comes.
Burn those key points, go.
Yeah, all the key points. Burn them all,
we're going to bed, in theory.
Okay.
That is a, sorry, 20 total.
Yeah, that hits.
And a 15 total.
15 also hits.
Okay.
So I'm going to take my staff
and I do a spin and I toss it in the air
and I go, a-pop-pop, and then I catch it.
Both just explode into glitter dust.
Yes!
You catch the staff and hit it.
Babe, I might need help with these ninjas.
Babe.
Babe.
Babe, I got a ninja problem.
Let me help you exterminate.
As you begin to stand up to join her,
the other five come rushing in.
Oh no. Two against you.
It's a 14 hit.
Oh, it misses.
Over a head.
Oh no! She's too strong!
A 23, does that hit?
That does hit.
Oh no! You take one point
of bludgeoning damage, as one leaps,
a flying kick that hits you and just pushes your head
a little bit before it kicks off.
Yes, it works.
They're barely unseen servants.
Yeah, they are vaguely there.
The other three rush towards you.
One goes to try and grapple you from behind to hold you.
Make an athletics check for me.
Okay.
That's a 19 plus nine, so 28.
It's like being held by a warm breeze.
It's holding on
in your ear, but you're just like, it's immaterial.
The other two come towards you
to just unload on you with a series of blows.
15.
It doesn't hit!
12. No, it doesn't hit!
Natural one!
And the last one will be a 14.
They are coming at you, but you are just too powerful
as these hits just tissue paper off of you,
and they're just barking and growling.
You feel awesome. You feel unstoppable.
It's your turn. What are you doing?
Okay. This is what little kids do.
Yes, I know.
Okay, so if they're still,
if they're grappling around me.
There's one grabbing you and there's two
to the front and sides of you.
Okay, so what I'm going to do.
Not actually grappling you,
just holding onto you. I am going to do. Not actually grappling you, but just holding onto you.
I am going to go into a rage.
Yes!
And in that rage, I'm going to look over at
.
I'm going to look over at Beau.
I'm going to bamf out the wings.
Yes! That's hot.
And then I'm going to take my new sword.
Oh yeah.
And I'm just going to start flying around
and then just swing.
Go for it. Since it is not attuned to you.
Yeah, it's...
Yeah, you're just swinging a basic sword.
I'm just swinging a basic sword.
But go ahead and roll for an attack.
Okay, am I adding anything?
You're adding your strength modifier to it.
Strength modifier, okay.
And your proficiency modifier,
because you are still proficient with a greatsword.
So it would be proficiency plus strength.
Okay, so that would be, oh wow, okay, so.
Five plus five.
26.
That definitely hits. Yeah!
So as you pull it, the wings outward,
feathers scatter out and mix with the glitter
that's still in the air and drifting past.
You take the sword and
as you strike through, it just passes through
and it stands there.
Well.
And just explodes into glitter
as you spin around for the second strike.
Go ahead and roll.
Okay, okay, okay.
Oh wow, okay.
Why am I rolling so well right now?
Okay, so.
15, 20, 30 total.
The other one sees the blade coming and goes
and jumps in the air to try and kick towards your head.
And as you do, you sweep the blade upward
and you watch it go
into another shower of black and blue dust
sparkling in the air.
There is currently two left
that are engaged with Beauregard.
Okay.
I'm going to go over there and...
I'm going to fly over to her.
I'm going to grab her and pull her in
and kiss her.
Yes.
And then flick the other two.
Awesome.
I'll give you a free action on that one, hell yeah.
Come on!
So as they're just assailing,
well, we'll say for the purposes of this,
you're just giving into this.
We'll say you're letting this happen.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's your turn. Sentinel.
As you're holding her in there,
they're both battering at you and having no impact
as you, poof, poof, they both just detonate.
As the blitter passes and you're left there standing,
holding her as you pull back.
We make a pretty good team.
Yeah, we fucking do.
Do we... Do we have more stops?
Ding-a-ling-a-ding-a-ling-a-ling.
I don't know.
Ding-a-ling-a-ding-a-ling.
We'll, uh...
The cat is there.
There is a little placard.
It says, Fear fear on it.
I look at it.
Three adjacent closets are opened by more dachshunds.
And a billowing cloud of steam
spills out of the center door of these three,
bringing with it the scent of herbs and soap.
These three new stages begin to slide out and unfold,
similarly to the tavern, across the hall from you.
The center stage unfolds and reveals a fairly large,
polished stone tub filled with water that is steaming hot,
just like this date.
A few benches surround it,
as well as an array of greenery displayed
in planters about the water.
There's a sign hanging off the lip of the stage,
and it bears the familiar words,
Steam's Respite.
And it does, in fact, look like a stylized version
of the bathhouse you visited in Zadash.
The stages on the left and right
are a touch more elaborate,
and you hear gears clanking and turning inside
the folded contraptions,
extending up and broadening out,
and you watch as two platforms begin to erect themselves
before your eyes.
Ladders fall down and lengths of highly polished brass metal
begin to extend out in segments
until you see two slightly varied brass water slides
that lead to the stone pool of water before you.
One slide comes down in a curve
to the very edge of the tub.
The other one is just a short little dip into space,
which leads for a 10-foot drop into the water.
They're a little bit different.
Finally, underneath each of these two platforms,
surrounded by more greenery
that is sliding into place as I speak,
there are two large apex predator cats.
Bear with me here.
A pair of massive amber lionesses
sit proudly amongst fragrant eucalyptus leaves
and beside each of them, a straw mat rests.
On one platform, there is also another easel from Caleb
with a short note.
Dear Beauregard, please forgive my deviating
from your explicit instructions,
but as a fan of rule breaking,
I think you will likely permit the transgression.
Besides, what better gift could I offer the Lionette?
Please enjoy your massage and soak.
See you tomorrow at breakfast.
CW.
Well, what happens in here?
Do we fight?
We don't fight.
They rub.
Yes.
Our backs.
For a massage, it's a massage.
He got us a massage.
Yes.
I've missed massages so much.
Me too.
Well.
Tower's ours.
Claim the rest of the night with me?
Absolutely.
I strip naked,
go up to one of the waterslides,
go down into the hot tub.
It's hot.
Ha!
I strip naked,
fly up to the top of the waterslide.
Go, let's go.
Come on.
From back in.
I know I can't take them out twice, but.
They haven't faded yet.
They haven't faded, okay, good.
Time gets weird here for the time being,
because why the fuck not?
And then I'll
go down the slide sideways like this.
Flying through the air?
Yes.
And then I just cuddle up into her,
wrap my arms around her, give her another big kiss.
The whole room darkens as the few globules that are here
dim, dim, dim, dim, and you once again earn
a little small intimate pocket of light
in this giant chamber.
And then you start to see illusory fireworks
in the dark above you.
And as you look at each other's faces in this hot tub,
you see those lights reflected
on each other's beautiful faces,
reds and blues and greens.
Hey.
Hey.
I love you, too.
That's the best thing I've ever heard.
Just lay my head on her shoulder.
Enjoy the show.
Oh.
Oh, but at some point,
I'm very curious about something in your bedroom.
The mirror. Yes, yes, yes.
The mirror in your bedroom.
Bed is made whenever you're ready.
We'll enjoy the show first.
Okay.
We enjoy the show.
All right.
It's update night.
That's the best date ever.
Yeah, steam, steam, steam. Steam fills the camera
as the fireworks
fade off.
And we'll go ahead and finish tonight's episode.
Oh!
As the rest of the group sits outside,
it smells like farts out in here.
I just, as we fall asleep,
I just slap Fjord on the tit.
I start to cry just a little.
It was so sassin' now.
I will just throw in one last little detail,
because there was a chance you were going to go to your rooms.
Yeah. And eventually you will,
and eventually you're going to fuck.
But, um. I want to know everything.
When you enter into the sitting room,
not you, Yasha, but you, Beauregard,
with your passive perception,
notice a very slight change to the stained glass window
above the fireplace, which is a picture of the Mighty Nein,
their backs staring out at a field in the Empire.
And the only change, it's very minimal,
is the Yasha and Beau's hands are linked together.
Come on.
Scene.
My good friend. My good friend.
An evening to take a moment to appreciate
the reason you fight
and the things worth protecting with the dangers ahead.
To take a moment of respite,
well-earned, of connection, well-needed,
and to take stock in what's important.
Thank you all for joining us.
We'll see you next week.
We love you very much.
And is it Thursday yet?
Good night.
Yeah, y'all hooked up!
Yeah!
And this concludes the current chapter of Critical Role.
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Until next time.