Critical Role - C2E24 The Hour of Honor

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

The Mighty Nein explore the town of Hupperdook, and find much more intrigue than they bargained for...Watch Critical Role live Thursdays at 7pm PT on https://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole

Hi there, this is Matthew Mercer, resident Game Master here at Critical Role, to welcome you to this podcast version of the show. If you'd like to watch the stream as it airs, you can catch it Thursdays at 7pm Pacific on twitch.tv slash criticalrole or youtube.com slash criticalrole. Twitch subscribers can access the video on demand immediately after the broadcast and it also becomes available on YouTube Mondays at 12 p.m. Pacific. Podcast episodes land right here on the Critical Role Podcast Network on Thursdays, a week after the initial broadcast. Okay, with that info dump out of the way, let's dive into the story.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Travis is in a good mood. Glad you guys can join us. Before we jump into tonight's episode, let's go ahead and get to some quick announcements. First and foremost, we have our first sponsor for the evening, our recurring friends at the wondrous D&D Beyond. Sam, you said you were prepared in advance for this one. Yeah. Well, I've been getting a lot of questions lately about how do you write these ad things, and I make it sound like, oh, I just come up with it on the fly. It's not true. I spend a lot of time, in fact, I have a file here of rejected ads that I didn't deem good enough to use to promote our friends at D&D Beyond. DNDbeyond.com. Go there, sign up, use their service like we do. So here's

just a few. I'm just going to rifle through my files. This one's terrible. It was a pirate one. I was going to wear an eyepatch and go, Ahoy and welcome to D&D Bjarg! Grab your duffels, set the binnacle, and follow the freebooters to dndbeyond.com! But it didn't make sense. That's terrible. This one was, I was going to do a Travis impression. Yo, bros, how about that Cowboys game, right? When Prescott hit Hearns on that outside post route? Hearns doesn't play for them yet. First season.

I nearly spilled my natty light all over my Emmet Smith commemorative Snuggie. Emmet Smith Snuggie! Man, I love sports. The smell of grass, the sound of marching bands, the sight of 22 men pounding each other for... All right. Here's an early draft of the now-famous D&D Beyond jingle. I went through many drafts of the lyrics before I landed on the primo ones that we got. He got your perfect wizard, his tomes and his supplies, but he burned his entire family to death and now he's traumatized.

I thought that was a little too dark. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot. This one, what was this one? Our tests indicate that your rash has spread to the groin area. Nope, that's not it. That was a different file. I had this one. This one's really conceptual. Here, I'll do it. Matt. Yes. Matt. Yes.

Matt. Yes. Matt. Yes. That's all it says. It's just Matt. Yes. Matt. Yes. Matt. Yes. That's all it says. It's just Matt. I just keep going and saying Matt. It wouldn't have worked. These are why it's rejected! Oh, this one is specific for- Very Tim and Eric of you. I respect that. This one is specific. We're all excited to meet Laura and Travis's baby. So I consulted with some

computer whizzes. We did some facial recognition to find out what their baby might look like. Oh no. No. It's got Travis's eyes, Laura's eyebrows, and why don't you just feast your eyes on this beauty? That is so terrifying. That is some Planet of the Apes. It looks like a Ferengi from Star Trek. It is definitely your mouth. That's Travis's beard. It's just the chinstrap part, though. That's really a blanket of me.

The other one I had was flowers for you to say sorry for that last bit. Oh! And that concludes the file. That's all I got. The other things in here were just the pictures that I cut out for you guys from. Oh jeez, that's all of them. Very Joker-y. Oh, I like that one. That took my neck from that one. That's good.

So there's more rejected ones, but I'll read you those another day. BB! BB, I want to shave your eyes! BB! I got my class for tonight. You asshole. Anthony Kiedis! That's who that picture looked like. I had to remember his name. Show it again. It's Anthony Kiedis! I'm just saying. I can see it. The flowers are a little more bitter right now.

Look, look, look! I can see it. I can see it. The flowers are a little more bitter right now. Yeah, it is. Look, look, look! That's Anthony Kiedis. It really is Anthony Kiedis. We'll do a side-by-side. We'll put it on Twitter. We'll post it later. But all of that is to say, D&D Beyond. Thank you. Thank you, Sam. Thank you, D&D P.O.

What a look into the future. And what a bright future at that. Our second sponsor for the night actually comes from inside the family. Those of you who are familiar with our first campaign got to see him performing as Garthok for one of our guest episodes. He's been on a number of shows here at King's Sundry. He helped write the theme song for Critical Role, actually wrote the theme song for our show, amongst many other songs from the series. Jason Charles Miller has a new album coming out this week called In the Wasteland. That's amazing. The art piece looks really cool, the design there. It's available now. You can find it

wherever else music is streamed or sold. You can buy an autographed physical CD copy of it from Jason's website, which is jasoncharlesmiller.com. If you like rock, country, metal music, anything in between, you'll probably like this album. If you ever heard of his previous work, it's pretty badass, actually. I'm very picky about music, and his stuff's great. So check it out. I hope you like it. We have a great little video at the break also to discuss this fantastic album. So thank you, Jason, and I hope you guys enjoy his new stuff. All righty, moving on. We made the really exciting announcement earlier this week,

if you haven't seen, but we launched our new online store. We're working on brand new shows for our YouTube and Twitch channel. Are none of us wearing the new shirt? Oh, wow. Is it going out? Shit. I'll bring it on the break.

This is terrible. Just pull on it. Okay, okay, okay. I'll put it on. Wow. I'll put it on. Keep going, Matt. So, we have also put up on the critrole.com shop the new Mighty Nein shirt.

Woo! Sold out. It's already selling out really fast in a lot of sizes, but we already have more ordered that are coming in, so we'll have you guys as soon as those come in. Only small, medium, and 4X are sold out right now. 4XL, but everything else is still available. Everything else is still in there for now, so if you are of those sizes that are sold out, we'll have more soon. But yeah, so super excited about all the things coming up. Critical Role and Talks Machina will still be here on the Geek & Sundry Twitch and in alpha, so do not worry. All the new stuff will be coming on our own channels, and we'll let you guys know as things come forward. Super stoked about

that. Also, wanted to let you guys know, friends of ours in the community, some of you guys are familiar with Web DM. They do fantastic work, fantastic streams, and they're doing, on June 24th at 1 p.m. Central Time this weekend, a fantastic fundraiser D&D stream with a wonderful all-female cast. We have Satine Phoenix, Lisa Chen, Autumn Umfress, Sid Shields, and the DM Emma Lambert is going to be running for the Benefit the Girls Empowerment Network in Texas. So tune in at twitch.tv slash webdm or twitch.tv slash criticalroll. We'll be hosting them as well. So you can go ahead and check it out. It's going to be a wonderful game with good people involved and a great charitable event that you can help be part of that cause. So look forward to that.

Not to be confused with WebMD. No. The standard editions of OxxyMachina Origins, the comic, are still available through the Geek & Sundry and Alpha online shops. Details are at critroll.com. Tox Machina is, of course, every Tuesday evening at 7 p.m. Pacific, where our fantastic host, Brian W. Foster, talks about the episode

that's happening tonight, next week. So watch us next week, and a few of us will be there present to discuss what will transpire. I believe that is it, and that is all for the announcements. Anything else, guys, or shall we? I think that was pretty good. All righty. Then, without further ado, let us jump into tonight's episode of Coo-da-Coo. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. ДИНАМИЧНАЯ МУЗЫКА Thank you. LAURA and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and SAM and Hello, everyone, and welcome back. That's good. So last we left off, the Mighty Nein had completed their first of two ventures they agreed to

complete in the name of the Gentleman, heading northward towards Berylben, traversing the dangerous Labenda Swamp, freeing the once endangered safe house from the encroaching, marrow dangers that had destroyed and decimated the people that were working there at the time and freeing it up for future use. You had acquired a bird friend in the tiny kyrie that is along you, dagger in hand. Six of the points.

Yeah, that's fine. You'll be fine. She's going to die. You gathered your things and went back to the open road where you headed to the crossroads, did some trading through the evening, jumped into a few old friends who were looking to rob you, sent them on their way, and then continued northward until eventually you came upon the outskirts

of the Silver, was, to the gnomish city of Hubbarduc. Upon arriving in the city, Supply Zenyu took in the industrial sites, the elements of it that are heavy machinery and the creation of new types of clockwork-based technologies, the stacks of soot and steam sent outward, the war machines being developed for use to the eastern lines where the conflict with Xhorhas is now brewing. You made a friend, the name of Risa, who said in exchange for a round of drinks in the evening would show you around the town for a bit. Upon making your way to the upper level, you were given a brief tour of the vicinity, which seemed strangely empty. The streets very well decorated for some seeming celebration, but nobody present. As the sun slowly went down, the town came to life. As all the work whistles blew, the sounds of merriment began, and

suddenly, as the sun goes vanishing behind the distant mountains, the golds and oranges and subtle purples of the sunset begin to take over. The sound of music and laughter begins to take the streets. So, Mighty Nein, what would you like to do? Swiped my spells! I don't trust laughter in music. Were we on the way to something? Were we going to someplace? The Blushing Tankard, is that where we were going? The Blushing Tankard, is that where we were going?

Blushing Tankard, is that a place to live, to stay? It was a tavern. Risa. Right, yeah? There's a big party happening now. Like I said, welcome to Hoverduke. But should we, should we party? Well, I mean, what else is there to do

for the night here but that? We don't know, We just got here. There's nothing else to do. You've arrived. Go and get your stuff somewhere. Let's have a drink. Let's go get our stuff somewhere. You owe me a round, anyway. Is this every night, or it just, it is? Yeah. It's part of our culture, our gnomish heritage. Why?

Why? Because it keeps us working hard every day. Sure, maybe our general longevity for gnomes is a little shorter than most, but what a life we lead. At that point, she reaches out and you see as she's leaning up the cart as you guys are heading through the street, these kids run by with sparklers in their hands and she reaches out and plucks one from their hand and picks it up and it's around.

She passes it over. Whoa! What? Ah, ah, ah, ah! That's not what I thought. Oh, there it comes. Oh, you're drawing something. It's a dick. I knew it, I knew it!

And then I was going to write dick! Oh, you didn't even need to. I can already see I'm going to like you folks. Work hard, play hard. That's the way we do here. All right. I like this town. Should we drop our shit off and? Where are we dropping?

Can we stay at this place as well? You can. Give me that, I want to smell it. Quick question, this blushing, tankard tavern, I mean, like, the doors lock, right? There's privacy, it's not like some fucking free-for-all all night, is it? Well, in the tavern, aye.

The upstairs, in the rooms, I assume they have. Well, you can lock the doors. Just ask it, I don't know, it could be free love, just a bunch of crazy people roaming around, I don't know. And it's called the blushing tankard. Right. Why is it blushing? Because you put your lips to it. Oh shit.

Because why? Because you put your lips to it. Oh. Yeah, we're in for a fucking, okay. All right. Do I see anyone selling glow sticks? Make a perception check. Light a sword. Yeah, the fiber optics. I want a fiber optic whip.

Candy necklaces, big giant pacifiers. It's not great. Nine. What you see is waves of fast-moving families and people, gnomish, some dwarves, a few human-sized folks rushing by. It looks like some of them are rushing from work to get home to just disrobe from all their dirty clothes and jump back out with their party attire, or they're already on their way to wherever the destination is. You hear fireworks going off in the distance, and there's occasional flashes in the sky. But you don't see any vendors at this juncture. At this point, who's helming the cart and the horses? Fjord.

I am. Okay. At this point, Rhys saddles up, sits right in the little bench next to you in the front of the cart, and takes the part of the reins, and is like, helping you, guide you to where you're trying to get to go, follow me. Tuck to the right, it's about two blocks down that way. It's going to be hard to miss. Look for the large arch with the various spiraling ivy vines against it.

Very nice of you. Can I keep an eye on her hands just to make sure she's not going through my pocket? Yeah, make a perception check. 15. 15. During this travel, as you're keeping an eye out, she seems to be just focused on the task at hand. I feel a little guilty, but not much. That means that her sleight of hand is better than your perception. That's all that means.

That's what it could mean. Or she could just not be trying to steal from you, but it could be either. You don't know. So after pulling around the side, you come to this large celebration square where you can see there are three stages set up. There is a large maypole in the center, and you can see they're currently lifting up and tethering these large, colorful streamers of multiple colors. People are gathering what look are gathering baskets of flowers. If you get tossed

and you catch it, they're made of cloth. You get the sense here that one, they don't have access to a lot of fresh flowers here in Hupperdook, based on the rocky terrain and the perpetual tossing of soot and ash into the atmosphere. But also, if the celebration is that, often they probably just continue to reuse the same elements over and over again. As you come over into this corner, you can see there are bands starting to play, music being set up on the outside, people are starting to sit down in blankets, and families are starting to gather in this area. To your left, you see the large ivory archway with the ivy that's twisting across the top of it, at which point Rissa reaches and tugs your hand to the left to gear the cart in that direction and

goes, All right, blushing tankard, ride up this way. There's more laughter, and at this point, you can see there are two vendors now on the outside, one of which is currently selling what looks to be flower necklaces or bands. The other has what look to be clusters of sparklers and firecrackers. Here's some of them now. Am I stopping? Yep, just keep it going. I'm just going to.

Really? And I just roll up. Ghost riding? I'll follow. Beau, get me some, too. going, I'm just going to. Really? And I just roll up. Ghost riding? I'll follow. Yeah. Beau, get me some, too, Beau, get me some, too. Okay, okay, I go up to the sparklers and firecrackers. You walk up and you can see there's a young gnomish man, maybe in his late, what would be the code of late teens or early 20s, he's got a very prominent Adam's apple

and very thin for some of the gnomes you see around there. He lances up to you, holding the small barrel filled with various small-scale explosives. Hi, can I help you? I want three of everything. Three? All right, I'll just get this together. How much comes in a pack? Do you want three of everything, or do you want a pack? They come in packs.

We're going to lose a finger before the night's done. Did you just change your shirt, Travis? Yeah, bitch. How did that happen? Focus, focus, motherfucker, sorry. Focus. Packs of 10? 10 sparklers or 10 poppers?

10 packs for both of 10. Yeah, I want one of each. All right, pack of each, pack of each. That'll be five silver. Okay, thank you. I slow down just a little bit and give her time. I don't think she's coming. And then I also get a flower necklace for Jester.

Oh, that's, on the other side, the next person over there, you see this poorly-looking fellow, maybe in his middle ages or so, is resting inside of his neck, almost. It's like rescinded inside. Hi. Yeah, the flowers are going to run about five copper per string. Do you want just one? Bring him with us! He's got a bunch of them tied up in his hair and hanging off his neck. Do you also do braids? Braids are across the way over there.

Cindy does the braids. I'll just take one. All right, that's five copper, thank you. Please, please tell me he has a short sword and can fight. He's going to keep collecting pathetic characters to fight with you? Please! Make him like a...

You're carrying that guy, I'll be happy every night. Miners. It's the best front line you could hope for. Yeah. I catch up and I give Jester the flower necklace. As she starts to roll up, I go, Fjallraag! It takes off.

Oh no! Lord. No, I'm kidding! No, no, no! Is that for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh lord. Is that for me? Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's beautiful. It'll look like you. I'm sorry if it smells weird.

Oh, wait. I guess it'd have to be like this. Yeah, right. It's beautiful. I take out one of the poppers and I throw it on the ground. What happens? Shit! I jump out and I go pick it up. It's too valuable. I run back.

You go back and look at it and you realize there is actually a tiny little fuse on it. Oh, there's a process. Okay, I jump back on. Caleb, light it. No, you throw it. Okay, okay. Oh, like skeet shooting. Yeah, throw it in the air. Firebolt. Roll for an attack. Firebolt! Roll for an attack. Firebolt?

It's gone. It incinerates the part. That's pretty good. That's 19 plus something. All right, you don't even throw damage. You watch as she tosses it in the air, it arcs this tiny little firecracker, this little gray rod, and then this little streak of flame fires up, hits it, and it detonates with this loud pop sound,

and you see sparks around it. It dissipates a moment after, and in the vicinity, you watch as about seven or eight nearby gnomes, two of which are children, all go, start clapping and cheering. You see that? I'm their hero. How did you do it? You had different fingers, but sure.

I like it. This is amazing. These could be useful. For shits and giggles, or what do you have in mind? For distractions. We could do that again when we're fighting people. Diversions. Sure, it went very good in this one.

Yeah. With that little one. Well, can I have one to examine? I know. You have a bunch of them! I say swamp. Yeah. With that little one. Well. Can I have one to examine? I say no. You have a bunch of them! How many is in a pack? Well, ten, so you have nine now.

I might have to get more before we leave this town. I think that's smart. Thank you. Matt, how much do we know about black powder? Well, communally, not much at all. You make an intelligence check and have advantage because of your alchemical history. Okay, I'll take the first roll. Intelligence. Yes.

18. You know, it's, I mean, it's had minor applications for a while, but it's only really been applied in very condensed and common use for the explosives you found in the mine, for clearing out spaces in underground caverns, or for the detonation of localized rocks that are in the way of paths trying to even put through mountain ranges. Small-scale black powder like this, on this very small scale, you haven't encountered really. So this seems to be a

relatively new use of this particular compound. Up to this point, it's been rare that I or we've come across anything. You've barely come across it at all. You've read about it. Actually, the dynamite sticks you found in the mine were probably the first ones you've actually encountered in your experience. Not a lot of use for it in a small farming town of Felderwin, but. The outskirts of it.

Fireworks before in Nicodranas? You have before. But they're saved for very rare occasions, like the coming of a ship that's been long gone from shore, or particular times of the year, of the calendar year for celebrations, they would go off. For that particular, they put out ship barges out on the water and they would fire them up from the waterfront. So having this this close is intense. Even that small burst right there, there was a flash of heat that you haven't really

had before, and it was really exciting. Are we just in an ocean of gnomes? Is it like 98% gnomes all around us? Most everyone you see here is gnomish. There's the next percentage, you've seen a handful of dwarves. It's the next prominent people that live here, and then a smattering of human half-elven. Okay. Right now, you guys have just come to the outside

of the blushing tankard. I'm Right now, you guys have just come to the outside of the blushing tanker. I'm traveling with my hood up, minor detail, as you are. All right. Let's go inside. Yeah, we're here. All right. Is there a hitching post in the front? There is, yeah. Yeah.

Hitch up the horses. Okay. Do you think it's safe? I don't know. I never think it's safe. They seem real jovial, like. Well, people have libations. They get up to hijinks at night, you know, and this seems like their main activity here.

You want to go in and secure some rooms and I'll watch the carriage, figure out if there's somewhere else we need to keep it? I pull out the silver thread and I start going around the horses. Oh, that? Yeah. All right. Oi!

Have you ever been dancing before? Have you ever been dancing before? Have I ever been dancing before? Yeah. Like, to a place like this? Yeah. I've danced. Okay, just making sure. Why?

Are we dancing? I figure we're going to dance tonight. Probably, inevitably. All right. I might need some liquor. Please, no. Okay. All right, so you guys are leaving Caleb and you're staying with Caleb while he sets up the perimeter?

Yeah, while he does the string. Do we need to choreograph something? We probably should. We should probably get Ciri involved. That sounds adorable. Come on, Kiri. Definitely going to need a drink of this. Yeah. Oh, fuck. We're going to lose her tonight.

All righty. So as you guys enter the blushing, tankard tavern, it is one of the larger taverns you've been in. The floor space, as soon as you walk in, looks like it maybe has 20 or so round tables scattered amongst the floor. There is a stage in the far back where the music hasn't quite started yet, but there are musicians setting up. You can see a violinist who's currently tuning. There's a piano in the back. Outside of a couple of taverns you saw in Zadash, in your experiences from when you were on the coast,

pianos aren't as common in tavern spaces. They're usually reserved for the upper class, for private performances or higher-end social events. However, the tables are filling up already. People are rushing in there. Food is being passed around left and right. You can see in the back there's a group of gnomes that are currently clapping the ground on their tables, singing some sort of a tune, a shanty almost. One of them is up on the table clapping his legs there, and one of the barmaids comes by and

slaps him and is like, Get off the table! This place is great. It's really nice. So what would you guys like to do? It's very small, though. Try and get some rooms. Let's get some rooms and store stuff and get out there. I want to go try to play the piano.

All righty. Right away? Yes! Do you play the piano? I played it a little bit at home. Oh. Oh, yeah. I want to listen. I'm going to sit close by. Okay. Molly and I will go. We're going to go get some rooms.

I have a lot of really good songs that I learned when I was growing up. I'm going to sit down and try to play Chopsticks. Okay, go ahead and make a performance check. So Chopsticks are five, and I respond. Oh yeah, that's an eight! There's a few moments of this going on before you suddenly hear this and you turn over your left shoulder and you can see there,

there's a half-alban gentleman in a very nice doublet who is currently holding what looks like a handful of sheet music. You're at my piano. He twitches at the off-tune hammering of the keys. I'll be right back. He turns around and wanders off for a moment, clearing his ear with his pinky. You guys go to get rooms?

Yeah. You head to the front. It's a very long bar that wraps around the right side of the entire chamber. It has two doors, hatches that can open up. From the inside, you see two individuals. You see a male gnomish with a massive mane of red hair, clean-shaven, middle-age, and he's smiling and running around, getting drinks, sliding them down the bar, filling things. He's like the gnomish red-headed equivalent of Tom Cruise, spinning the bottles and just like, yeah, pouring it out. On the other side, you see a female dwarf with this awesome, well-kept chin-strap beard who has beautiful eye makeup on and this very colorful silk billowing blouse that tapers at the wrist with a flourish. She's currently filling out drink and snack orders

and they're both just workhorses. You see they both smiles on their faces and they're chatting with regulars. They haven't quite caught their eye yet. They're in the midst of other business. Did you say she was a dwarf or something? A dwarf, yeah. Have you talked to the gnome or the dwarf? Whichever one we catch the eye of first.

Okay. We should do the bar lean in thing. All right, I'm in. We're going to shove some other people around and do that thing. For the hell of it, both of you guys roll charisma checks, please. Oh, great. This is going to be funny. Something we're great at. Just straight checks.

Just roll a d20, add your charisma modifier. Yeah! That dice just is the biggest cheese. Wait, we want to go at the same time? It rocks back and forth. Okay. Three, two, one. Eight.

Yay! So the better part of 15 minutes pass. You guys waiting there, being overlooked, until eventually the dwarf woman stops and goes, Oh, right, sorry about that. Didn't see you there. You're a bit higher than the usual folk. What can I do for you? That seems oddly backwards. We need a couple rooms, a few rooms, handful of rooms, and some drinks. Both of those can be done, lassie.

How many rooms do we need? Three, four? One, two, three, four. Four. Four. Four rooms, all right. Let's see now. Let's put that there about, that's one gold piece per room per night.

I've put down four gold pieces. Does it come with amenities? Does it have a minibar? Do you charge? This is the minibar, my dear. But don't worry, we can bring drinks up, we can bring companions up, we can bring what you need up, just let us know.

You're in a tourist town, things are going to cost something. All right. On the other side of the bar, I cast Haste on Jester while she's playing the piano. Oh! I want to start playing the entertainer. All right. But really fast.

It's kind of impressive, a little off-key, but overall impressive, the speed of the composition. As she starts crescendoing, we're trying to get to the quiet part. A hand slams down on the keys, and that same half-elven gentleman leans in once more and goes, If I might please request my instrument returned to me, my dear? This is a really good piano. If I might please request my instrument return to me, my dear? Third-level spell slot. This is a really good piano. Thank you. You should be really proud it's yours.

I am. Do you have a tip jar? I have a tipping hat. He pulls off from the side, it looks like this wide-brimmed hat that comes to a point in the front and floppy in the back, and he sets it up on top of the piano. I really think the first couple tips should be to me,

because I really set up the room for you. Well then, I certainly hope the first few tips come while you're at the bench. Fabulous. And he sits down on the bench and pushes you off of it. I toss one gold in and say, this one's for the lady. Very good. Did you see? Did you see? I saw. I saw. Cracks his knuckles, sets his music down in front, starts getting ready. The

other performers to the side are watching this out of the corner of their eye and laughing. They're enjoying the tension that's brewing. I run over and give Caleb a kiss on the cheek. Thank you, Caleb. You guys get your rooms situated. As the key is being passed out to the different rooms, drinks are being handed to him. Sir, are you looking for something strong or something strong?

Amaze me, baffle me, make me forget where I am. Oh god. All I want is what needs to happen. She leans into you and goes, Ooh, I like you, you're god. All I want to know is what's happening. She leans in to you and goes, Ooh, I like you, you're colorful. Oh, bless you, you're colorful yourself. I love everything you're wearing. Thank you.

First one's on me, how about that? What? Bless you. I'll happily pay for hers as well, because I want to drink her under the fucking table tonight. Oh, well, hold that till later on. That event's not till later tonight. What happens later tonight? Other than more drink, is there like?

Is this your first time here? Are we that obvious? A bit, a bit. Well, we have some performances going on, and then we have our contest, our weekly Hour of Honor. So just don't drink too much if you're looking to compete. And she pops the top button off the top of her blouse and gives a better look at her dwarven foot.

I love that you did it. Oh! Brava! I realized I could do it as I was doing it. Snap. As she does that, she reaches out and pulls out what looks to be this dark red, almost glass bottle with a large cap. Pulls off. Little tiny glass passes it over to you, and you look at it.

As it comes to rest, you're used to seeing liquid splash quite often. This sloshes at a slower pace. It's a thicker liquor. I'm going to dip a finger. It's sweet, surprisingly sweet. Strong, the burn kicks in afterward. You like it. Shoot or sip, that's up to you. I like it.

Sorry to interrupt your incessant flirting, can I please have a damn drink? Yes, one of the same, yes. All right, that'll be five silver pieces. I thought you paid for me, I thought you paid for me. I am paying for you. I just put a gold down to keep the tip as well. Oh my goodness, thank you. She puts it in her cleavage. Pours you another shot of it as well, hands it over.

I just kill the whole thing. All right, it burns, but it's good. It's like a sweet, thick honey liquor that coats the throat, and the coating at first feels nice until the burn hits and you're like, It's kind of medicinal. I'm intercepted. It's good. Caleb and I have come in at this point, and I turn to Caleb and go,

you know, I feel like I may be regretting my roommate choice tonight. It's just a hunch. I think he's in his element. Well, the odds are that you are not going to even see him in your room tonight, so I wouldn't worry about it so much. You think?

He'll just tear into the night, maybe not come back till the sun comes up? He's like a coyote. You know what that is? Yeah, like the little one. Diplomatic immunity. Wow. I don't know what that is. Wow, okay.

I do. Yeah, they like to fuck a lot. This is my part. I thought you meant they were not fucking. We're going to have to work on our analogies. I feel like there's something missing here. So like a, yeah, okay, a bunny coyote, okay. Bunny coyote. That's what it's like. It does sound cute. But you know, if you want a quieter evening,

you can certainly share the room with Nott and I for once. It's probably not as raucous a room, but you're welcome to it. Yeah, just in case he goes, you know, full Monty, I just kind of I might have a secret knock or something. Where did Yasha go? Yasha's with you, but she's currently with the players in Japan filming. As you glance around, Yasha's sitting to the back and towering over most of the clientele here, and not necessarily

uncomfortable, but just unsure what to make of the jovial atmosphere. There is the faint corner of a smile, but the awkward, anxious smile of not knowing what to do, and afraid to step in any direction and crush somebody. Yeah. She's turning on the charm. Fair enough, I appreciate it. I really like it when she crosses her arms like that and makes her biceps look good. So Molly can have a room all to his own

if he really wants to, you know. Oh. Oh, are we talking about that? I'm not going to invade your space if you don't need it. Don't worry about it. No, no, no, I mean, half of me is interested, the other half is terrified, so I'm just kind of curious. And if you drink enough, you won't remember either way.

Yeah. So at this point, Rissa's like, all right, well, if you got your rooms taken care of, we're looking for a place to sit, then. At this point, she glances past, and you can see, at this point, patrons are starting to get really rowdy. They have these rope-hung chandeliers in three different spots, and you can see at this point patrons are starting to get really rowdy. They have these rope-hung chandeliers in three different spots, and you can see one person has jumped up onto one and is hanging back and forth off of it. Some people are like, yeah! You see all of a sudden the

dwarf woman at the bar goes like, clambers over with a speed you didn't expect from her, rushes over and grabs the ankle and just tears him down off onto the ground. Not my bar! You know, I've never seen anyone actually swing from a chandelier. I just thought it was like a metaphor. That's entirely something you can do. It's more common than you think.

You've got to affirm it. Is it allowed in other bars? I was talking to Rissa. I was like, I imagine if they're not paying attention. There was some pub, I don't remember what town I was in, but I do remember the pub because it was actually called the Swinging Chandelier. I don't remember what town it was, though. But it was a great pub. It had the best chandelier. My Gnomish Eye spot what looks to be one open table across the way right there.

And Rissa points, and you can see past the way, there is one table that two people are just getting up from and leaving. I will dart at full speed, full dash, to get that table. All right. You and Rissa go into a full run. You, beating her easily, you get to the table and scoot into the side. As she approaches, you watch as two male gnomes intercept her and block her path. One of

them goes, Sorry, Tinkertop, table's not for you. The other one, she goes, Fuck off, Fitz! I've worked hard enough. I saw this table fair and square. The other one goes, you don't work, tabletop. Looks just like your brain sick dad. This table's for working folk. What? Vits glances over and says, go ask your pops to make you a table to drink at alone. Might buy an hour before it breaks. I'm going to walk right into the middle of this. Gentlepersons, are you harassing our employee right now?

They both look wildly confused. No, no. We have employed the services of this person right here, and I would agree that you should probably leave right now and get another table for yourselves. Make an intimidation check. Oh, please.

Nope. That's a four. Come on, man. As you lean forward in that tense glare, a little bit of a liquor-based burp comes up abruptly and breaks the intensity of the moment. Oh, someone's starting early, not too bad. I've heard about these folks. Their blood's fire, but on the inside, they're nothing but cold and clammy. He goes and flicks the edge of your nose. These two little gnomish punks. I use my tail.

I was about to say, if you want to go, go two at the same time, I say a little bit of infernal, and I'm going to actually use a blood maledict and make him go blind for a second. I was going to smack him on the ass with my tail at the same time. All right, which one? There's the bigger one. I'll do the other one. One on the left for me. The one that just flicked you in the nose, his eyes just go black, and you can see the bit of crimson pulling at the corner of the eyes. He goes,. He stumbles back and hits the stool and falls onto his ass.

What's going on? I'm going to jump on top of him and start rifling through his pockets. Some people cannot hold their liquorice. Thank you. I was hoping for it. Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check. What did the table say on the table? 23. All right, yeah. 27. What did the table say on the table? 23. All right, yeah.

27. All right. You manage to pull six silver pieces and three gold pieces out of his pocket. Anything other than money? Right now, no. Strangely enough, it's only money, and only that amount. I'm watching Nott, and as soon as I see

that she has found everything that she was looking for, I've got the copper wire ready, and I mutter through it. I mutter through the wire to the one on the ground, they're going to kill you, you have to run now. The one that gets slapped in the ass by Jester is like, I apologize. Risa, we didn't know.

Reaches over and goes and grabs the friend and is like, and as soon as Nott jumps on and starts thrashing around on him, goes and pushes you off of its body, picks up the other gnome, and at this point his eyes come back and the little strings of blood are curling down the side of his cheek. He goes, What happened? What happened? People can't hold their liquor. It's really embarrassing. It's kind of sad. They both just get lost in the crowd.

No, stay, play with us longer. Rissa looks over her shoulder at them, and leaves, and goes like, Mm-hmm. Well, that took a turn fast. Wow. I like the way that worked out. Me too, me too indeed.

Who were they? Who, Fitz and? Fitz and Ashton, they're both a couple of punks. I've known them since I was a kid. They called you Tabletop. Well, Tinkertop. Tinkertop. Both equally mysterious.

Wait, so your dad is what, rich or something? It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay if he is. She curls into the bench around the table and leans one shoulder onto it and goes, My father's an inventor, a tinkerer. Of some renown at one time. He's had a rough few years.

Said he was brain sick, yeah. Well, that's just him being an arsehole. What kind of stuff does he make? All sorts of things, toys, contraptions, occasionally whatever he's told to make by the Starosta. But he's just a bumbling twat, really. Can we meet him?

He's probably in nap time right now. Tomorrow, maybe? Okay. Sure, yeah. I bring over a round of drinks for everybody. All righty. Another round of drinks, just general ale drinks for everybody would probably run you, let's see here. We'll save for three silver pieces.

Okay. All right, so as you guys gather around for a second, Rissa livens up a bit after that conversation and goes, but anyway, you've asked me a bit about myself, what about you? What are you here for? What brings you to this godforsaken place? We're actually here for a spot of work. Looking for work? Yes, yes, of course, work. That's what we're doing. Not looking for work, we're just on a job. Yeah.

Yeah. I said for a spot of work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. And honestly, the name really sells this place. We have been fascinated with it for quite some time. Well, it's not the first time we've heard that. I was really hoping you would have houses of mushrooms. Do you have any? That might be.

I'm just going to call that unintentional ignorance, but no, gnomes don't live in mushrooms. Don't be saying that around here very loudly. Not all folks will be taken kindly to that. She sat in her ways. No, no, no. I just thought, you know, Hubbarduke, it just sounded like a mushroom sort of town. Didn't she just say not to again? I'm going to stop, though.

That's the one. They prefer the term toadstools. I feel like that's worse. That's the one. They prefer the term toadstools. Oh. I feel like that's worse. She grabs one of the tankards and is just drinking heavily from it. Anyway. At this moment in time, the music begins to kick in

even louder at this point. The celebration has kicked into a second gear here, once I can find the music transition here. There we go. I've got some dirt up there. I'm Densey. Oh, it's the noise room. Two dimes.

I like to fly. Two dimes. At this point, the crowd begins to hush for a moment. You watch from one of the back rooms, the door opens, and a range of brightly colored gnome dancers come rushing into the room to a swell of cheers and applause. You see four dancers emerge across the spectrum of gender, take to tabletops and begin to stomp and click their feet to the rhythm of the music. The musicians begin to finally pick up and build. The pianist that you met earlier is now starting to make his music happen. It's

beautiful and it echoes through the room. The placement of it. You get the sense now, whether it be some enchantment or some intentional acoustic presence in the room, but the music carries well and seems to bleed from everywhere. As the dancers are up on the tables, he watches these silk scarves, a rainbow color from their arms, twirl into these large circles and shapes, and they all have this worked-out, fantastic choreography in unison. They leap from tabletop to tabletop in this circular fashion, making these large, arching foot leaps and landing again. The folks cheer with each land, the music wearing itself into this frenzy. Folks are starting to toss coins towards them on the table. In the middle of it, they'll spin Catch One and pocket it and move it back until you do the dance. You get the sense this is a very practiced

and fairly often performance to how well-oiled this machine of performance is. They are almost as nimble as you. What? I toss a silver. Snatched out of the air. I toss two at the same time. I see you, if I catch one.

Missile snare. Jesus. I'm going to try to catch one of all these coins. Can you just take the dancer's tip? Make a dexterity check. This is going to be a contested dexterity check between you and a dancer. I caught some sick shit.

Oh yeah, no, I'm into it. Especially if it fails, please. Natural one. That's it fails, please. Natural one. That's it. Yeah! That's Justin. So as you reach for the coin, your fingers almost touch it before everything goes dark.

As a wooden shoe-covered foot across your face from the dancer who catches it between two fingers, looks down, retracts the foot, and as you get your vision back, you look up, the dancer who catches it between two fingers, looks down, retracts the foot, and as you get your vision back and look up, the dancer gives you a wink and goes back into a spin. I wink back. You know, I like that. That was hot. As the dancers begin to gather, leaping from table to table, they start getting closer and closer to the center of the room. They begin to spin together until eventually they clasp hands.

You watch as some of the bar hands grab the tables and start pushing them together in the center, telling the patrons to step back a bit. As they do, the circle continues to get tighter and tighter as they leap from table to table, holding each other wrist to wrist, arm to arm. As they do, the silks are billowing out, and you can see them extending. The silks they've been holding seem to have been a bunch hidden within their sleeves, and as they billow out, they widen and widen and widen

until it's like a parachute of rainbow colors that just spin in this circle that completely engulfs them. All you see is the tips of their heads within this swirl of color until eventually the music comes to a climax. Bam, with a heavy stomp, all the colors fade, and the dancers bow, at which point everyone in the room starts cheering and clapping. Fuck damn.

The dancers smile and they step off me and walking around with hats in front and taking tips from people at tables as they adjust the tables back to their original point. Everyone else goes back to their meals and you see them tossing the odd copper or silver piece into their hats. I don't know if we can learn that dance. I think we can do it. Let's just work on something simple. Okay. We're going to just take a moment

to work out a couple moves in case it comes up. Yeah. Just some basic hand moves. Pop them up. Kiri's there off to the side going, Yeah, yeah. Oh, we can have her stand on one shoulder each. I'm much shorter than you.

I'll be on my knees, and then we can do these things. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. And Kiri can have a ribbon, and she'll do this while we do it. I like it. It's basically the same as what they used to do. Caleb maybe can do some effects, some special effects. Will it be dark while we are doing this?

I don't, I don't. Well, I just, you know, I worry about, you know what I worry about. Maybe I should sit it out. No, it just depends on the situation, if it's, this all happens all over the city, outside, everywhere, yeah? For the most part, yeah. As the evening goes on, it tends to gather around the places where drink is running freely until everyone passes out and then wakes up. Hare of the Dog usually takes himself a bit of fuse and then gets back to work.

A bit of fuse? What's fuse? A fuse is the Hare of the Dog drink that we brew here just to get everyone waking up and back to work. I know what Molly will be having in a couple hours. Can I ask you about- I don't know how it's going to mingle well with non-Gnomish tracks, but I'm willing to watch and try. I'm very excited to find out.

Me too. Reesa, can I ask you about the, was it called Honor Hour that comes up later? Hour of Honor. Hour of Honor. Hour of Honor. Yeah, what's that about? I look over there and she points to the far wall and you can see now they're starting to set up lights on it.

These glowing lanterns they have on pikes almost. You can see it's a collection of wooden nameplates. She goes, so about once a week, there's a contest where the previous holders of the Hour of Honor can take challenges. Whoever provides the most monetary amount to the challenge gets to go one-on-one with their team, drink to drink, until only one's left unpuking or unpassed out. A team drinking competition? The remainder gets the coin with a percentage goes to the house and gets to take the title and a token. That token is worth a free drink to each member of that team in this bar every night. It is almost like a drunken CrossFit gym. I'm sorry, it is almost like a CrossFit gym.

You should probably do that. I mean, for this almost like a CrossFit gym. There you go. You should probably do that. I mean, for this, I would make an exception. This is technically counting as a short rest right now, by the way. Good. How much? Well, he said whoever contributes the most monetarily

gets to take a shot at the honor. How much do people usually contribute? I have two gold. From what I've seen, it can depend on if people are that interested or that competitive. Some folks put up a few gold they've earned for a few days, they're feeling lucky. I've seen people put upwards 20, 25 gold sometimes, which is quite a sizable sum. That is obscene. Are you a big drinker, Issa?

I can hold my weight, but I'm not much of a competitor, if that's what you're asking. Is it happening relatively soon, or do we have a few more hours to maybe explore a bit? I just have the feeling that if we were to engage, that all activities after that would not be documented in the old brain so well. I'd say, judging the time you've been here,

you've probably been here for the better part of an hour or two, just getting your paces, having drinks, and taking in the performances and the music. I'd say you probably have another hour before it begins. Want to do a little run around? I figure, if we're going to do that. I think we're going to do that. All right.

Let's go. Who's going to put Kiri either on their shoulders or we need to? To bed. To bed. We can't put her to bed. Why not? Because she'll just come out of the room, won't you, Kiri? Why would she come out of the room?

Because Humperdinck. Because there's so much noise and stuff. He's a child. It's family friendly. There's no fucking, like, you know, there's no drop off daycare? Is there a daycare here? I am Kiri. Oh god.

Perhaps. Yes, you are very sweet. Just give her a sweet. Yes, I'm very sweet. Perhaps our feathered friend is a little more important than the horses, and I could just leave my threads around her room and she would be safe there, and I would know if there was a problem.

Doesn't matter, though. No, but it does, it does matter, because you are a young child, and you need to get your rest, and we are going to be doing things that are, quite frankly, not for your eyes. Okay. She would come out of the room, I know her.

I know her. What if we get her one of those child leashes? Oh, oh, they said that they would send someone to the room, right, Molly? Did they? Didn't you say that they would send someone to the room, like a babysitter? You could pay one of their women to watch our little Kiri. I mean... I have done some ridiculous things in my life.

This, that might take the top of it, though. They're working women. We've read them for a time. Rissa at this point goes like, well, first off, you're assuming they're all women. Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah, but we don't want to leave her alone with some guy that we have never met.

Jiggalo man to go up there and watch out for Kiri. I don't think that's a bad idea. Reesa, do you know how much one of these evening companions might run per hour? I can honestly say I do not. Shit. Sorry. Should I go ask?

Yes. Yes, all right, fine. I'll be right back and I'll make my way up to the bar. To the one with the flip-flops. I've got an idea. All right, fine, I'll be right back, and I'll make my way up to the bar. To the one with the flip-flops. I've got an idea. I've got an idea, I've got an idea. There is one member of our party

who is probably not going to want to go out and see this ridiculousness. She is a wallflower tonight. So I turn around. She does seem very uncomfortable. I still want to check the price, so I go up to the bar. As you approach the bar, the dwarven woman who's in the process of cleaning a spill on the side

looks over and sees you and does a triple take. She's like, How would you look at this strapping mass of green and tooth? Thank you kindly, ma'am. What can I do for you? It's a little early in the evening, but I thought I might get a head start and just inquire what, you know,

some friendship might run me. Oh. Might see forward, but I can't say I'm not interested. I've got a few more hours on my shift, but if you hang around. Well, I would hate to remove you from your duties. Plus, my companions are also interested in the same. You said there might be a...

Well, it's been a while since I've... Oh, well, no. Let me clarify. She starts pouring herself a drink. Multiples, not multiples. I need individual companions for my friends, not just your beautiful self. How many? Three.

Three companions, all right, all right. I have to go and connect with a friend here and see what's available, but that's certainly doable. Great, and do you know how much that might run? Well, it depends on what you're asking for. Is it only for the hour, is it for the evening? What the requests are? For hours, good, Yeah, you know.

For an hour? Three? That'll put you about, let's say, 20 gold. Boy, that sounds like a fun night. Outstanding. I will be sure to return. And I turn my head and leave. What did she say? That was the most horrible thing I've ever had to do. I'm just not prepared to talk to people about those things. It's 20 gold for three people for an hour. That's it?

Three man hours. Nope, one hour, three people, 20 gold, so that's, yeah. Are you all right? God, it's real uncomfortable. Why do we need three people to watch Kiri? Then it would be more than an hour. Look, I was just making shit up on the fly. I'm walking hard, so.

Josh, I know you're not into this. I know that you're going to have a night out. Do you just want to sit and keep the young one out of trouble? Yeah, probably fair. I can do that, yeah. She's small, I can hold her down. It's going to be fine. That's a joke.

That's a joke. I was planning to go out, but it's awkward for me. I thought you would be going. Well, it's awkward for me, too. So I thought that we could, you know, give each other moral support, you know what I mean? Good, then you go out and have a good time.

I'll hold the bird down. Is that a phrase, or does she actually mean she'll hold the bird down? Only one way to find out. The child will be dead by the morning. Kiri. Are you cool with staying with Yasha for the whole night? I can send a message.

Oh. Do you promise you won't try to leave her and you won't try to come out and find us? Okay. Okay. I don't know if it's smart. I don't think it is either, Kiri. Oh, come on. She is just trying to tug on your heart strength.

She'll be fine. Oh, I just love her so much. I know, she'll be safe. You be good. She holds a little dagger in front of her. Oh man. I'll bring her back something else. Lay it down, Kiri. Good job, good job.

Okay. Here we go. Caleb, we may need a third person to join our dance now. Oh, that's right. We've lost our- Okay, now me and Caleb will do it. You stand on our shoulders, you wave the ribbon. No, no, that is not a thing that is it. You stand on our shoulders, you wave the ribbon.

No, no, that is not a thing that is happening. You could ask Beauregard, and it's not going to happen. You can't dance, you're not a dancer. Have you ever danced, Caleb? Yeah. You could dance if you want to. You have, I can't picture you dancing. He's never going to dance again.

You'll be beat. We're never going to dance again. Just too many beer spoons. You can dance if you want to. He's not going to leave his friends behind. That is the key, if I want to. Yeah, no, perhaps Beauregard is fleet of foot. She could round you out. Caleb, we want to dance with you. Fucking pet secretary up in this bitch. I'm so sorry!

I played with Jen, and now I want to play with you. I will take a rain check on that. No, thank you, Jester. It is tempting, but no. We'll figure it out. I guess we can bow. Yeah. No, I know, I'm your second choice.

No, third. Or your... It was Ciri first, and Caleb second. Uh-huh. But! You are very dexterous, and I think you will be a very good dancer. Feels like you had a reach for that. No.

You stammered a little. Plus, you have already lots of scarves on you, so you can do a lot of the things that the people were doing. You got scarves on you? I do have a lot of scarves. No, and that's truthful. It is obvious how dexterous you are. You're just gruff.

Yeah. So should we dance in the street? We should just rehearse. We don't know when we're going to need the dance yet. We're going outside to see what this place has to offer before it's time for a drinking contest. We're going to need a beagle to lead the charge. I'm assuming that's you. Onward and outward! Jesus. All right.

As you're making your way out, the dwarven lass reaches out in your direction for it to flag you down. Oh, ma'am. So, just asking, how soon are you wanting this companionship sent to your rooms? You see that her finger's playing with the front of your armor right there, and there's the bar goes like, I could give you a discount. I'll reach. Here's the thing. He's already been with the Ruby of the Sea, so probably nothing you do could compare to that. It's kind of sad, really.

Would you like me to cancel your request, then? No, no, I'd like to put a deposit down. I don't know when we'll be back. Maybe four gold to hold the reservation. Ask if there's a cancellation fee. No, I can't, I'm terrified. All right, I'll hold onto this till then. Well, hopefully see you around.

Gives a hint of grinning stink eye in your direction, Jester, and back to Fjord. Take care of yourself, Fjord. Take care of yourself. Did you just put a hooker on layaway? I feel like I did. Did you just say I'd been with your mom? I know, as soon as I said it, it was really creepy. Yeah, it's fucked up.

But you know what? It was just a power play, and it didn't really work out. I will say, normally, being like, you slept with my mom is like an insult or something, or like, don't talk about my mom. Yeah, but people that have slept with my mom are like really rich and really powerful, usually, so it's a compliment for them.

Also, you have to embrace yes and for a yes and, not no but. Yeah, all right. Well. This is good. We have, you have an opportunity for later, if you choose to use it, and it could be. Yeah, I could sit in the room and let you know if they're any good or not.

So sad about this. Are you honestly okay? You seem very perturbed. Yeah, I'm not real comfortable with this sort of stuff. Have you ever been with someone? Yeah. Totally, yeah. Are you sure? Yep. Insight stuff. Have you ever been with someone? Yeah, totally. Are you sure? Yep. Insight check.

Thank you. Oh wow. Oh, that's pretty good. 20. Pretty good. I have. Okay. He seems to be telling the truth.

Maybe not many, though. Have you ever paid for anybody before? No. Okay. Like Captain America, not many, though. Have you ever paid for anybody? No. Okay. Like Captain America, not many? Yep. Okay. Pretty close. Frozen in Iceman, it all happened. Was it someone special?

No. At this point, Kiri, who's not that far from you because you're still in the bar, says, Don't eat humans, okay? Yasha goes, I'm going to take her upstairs and heads off to the third chamber. No, I'm just going to let you guys take the lead on this. I'm more of a spectator at this point.

What are you talking about? Yeah, I know! No, I thought we were going out for like an hour. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, you sort of jumped conversations. You have to specify. We're going to warm up into this thing. I mean.

No, we're going out for a bit, right? We have the money, though. There's a big, bassy, and you feel in your chest, there's a out for a bit, right? We have the money, though. There's a big, bassy, and you feel in your chest, there's a flash of color outside, and they're out maybe 20 feet. You can see, looking up, Molly, as there's the flash of the firework in the sky

going across his horns and forearms. Oh, Jesus. All right, let's go make the rounds. Okay, okay, okay. Oh god. All right, so you walk out in this fair, and most people who have gathered here, they're sitting there, they're eating food,

and they're watching the fireworks as they go off. There's a few folks out there that have, they're like candle dancers, they have these light candles, and it's this very slow, meticulous dance. They're moving in the darkest places of the corner and give this almost Will-O-Wisp-type performance. It's really enchanting and almost borderline creepy at times when you can't actually make out the forms of the dancer

in the shadow that people are watching and keeping an intent look on it. Otherwise, the rest of this thoroughfare is apparently here, though you're not sure how much businesses are open since most people are in the process of recovering from a day of business. What do you want to do? Predictably, I would like, as I follow this group around,

to keep one eye open for a bookstore. The nerdiest raver. Don't just get your card and just hold it up. Bookstore. All right. Donde esta el biblioteca? All right, what else are you guys going to do? I'm looking for vendors,

I'm looking for things that are amusing. Yeah, let's head towards the action. Bright lights, colors. If there's any more of those sparklers or poppers around. Oh yeah, no, there aren't a lot of them, meaning there's like an end supply, but you go back to the same people that are just up the road to the right from the outside of the tavern, you can find the same two vendors that you spoke with earlier.

You want to buy them out real fast? Let's go. Steal some? We could just pay for them. You said there's silk flowers, there's fake flowers. I want to see if I can find the best looking, like if there's that New Orleans, Halloween night, crazy beautiful overproduced. Make an investigation check. Yes. And you make a perception check, Caleb.

Perception check. Caleb. Goddamn it. Oh, that's sad. Maybe you shouldn't use that for the rest of your night. Yeah, I know, put it away. Just because it's gold doesn't mean it's a snitch. That was a two.

Oh, so not quite a natural one. You come upon a number of vendors that have already given out all their flowers, so you're having a hard time finding anybody that still have any for sale in this main central area. I'm looking for some silk flowers, really something nice, something super fancy, if you see anything.

I want to look for flowers, too, then. All right, so we'll come to that in a little bit. I rolled a 19 for Buch. A 19, okay, good to keep that in mind as we move on. All right, so. We go pick up some more snappers and poppers. All right, so you go back to those two vendors. They're both set up on the side. The one guy with the sparklers is still set up there, and the guy with the fireworks is still resting there on the edge, and you have the guy with the flowers set up on that side. There's one guy with the sparklers

and the fireworks who's there, the thin, somewhat dopey-looking young gnomish guy, and you have the flower vendor who's slowly settled into himself, like a barrel of a gnome. Nott, the flower guy's creepy. Just felt like throwing that out there before we approach. All right, thank you.

Go up to the snapper and pauper guys. Hey, welcome back. Need more packs. No, I want something more powerful. Plus all the packs. Oh, Jesus. I don't really have anything more powerful than these. Where do you find more powerful?

Can you make something? For arms dealing on fucking party night. He's selling Dodger Dots. He's, at this point, locking eyes with you, Nott, and there's a look of recognition in his face. I look like a cow. I don't have anything of that variety, I'm sorry. Nott, do you want to stand?

Just stand by me. I'll sort of scoot back into the shadows and mingle. What's, hey, hey, hey, don't, why are you guys wondering at her? What was that? Sorry, we're closing shop up for the night. No, no, no, give me your packs. He goes and closes up his little satchel and walks away.

Oh, you piece of shit. I'm sorry, that was my fault. Hey, don't ever apologize for who you are, man. No, no. You can't help that shit, first off. I should have known. I can't talk to people. You can't predict when people are going to be shitty.

They're always shitty. It's 100% accurate predictions. It's pretty, you're, it's a good point. By the way, Beau, thank you for the other day. What? For talking to Caleb through his, you know. Yeah, he's a good guy.

Just be sensitive around him. I know that that's not your strong suit. Yeah, I am. But you know, he doesn't deal well with harsh criticism all the time. And you think you do? I'm used to it. That's true. Tell me something.

How did you know about this place? Popper Duke? Yeah, how did you know that the gnomes here get down with a funky, fresh rhythm all night? The job that I had before I met up with you guys. In Zadash, you just kind of, information passes through, you hear things. What job? I worked at a library.

The Cobalt Soul Library. What's that? What's a Cobalt Soul? It is a faction of monks. What kind of a faction of monks. What kind of a faction of monks? Is not slurring her words. Yes. Are you evil? Are you a bad guy? No, I hope not.

I think it differs from day to day, depending on what I'm doing. Do you think I'm a bad guy? I don't think so. That's all that matters, right? But I don't know. You seem to know a lot about a lot of things, and sketchy things, too.

That has to do with the job that I had before the job that I had. What was that job? I thought you grew up, didn't your parents make wine or something? What was the, what was the, so what was the, you had a job? So wait, little town's girl, her parents are wine makers, now you're a brutal assassin martial artist who can kill anything. What happened in between those two things? Yeah, it's definitely something missing, right? Yeah, right?

Let's just catch up with the others while we walk and talk. My dad was super protective, and I was kind of an asshole and rebelled a lot. You? No. Yeah. When interesting and different people would pass through my hometown, then I started making some connections, started getting involved in some mainly illegal trading. Like what? What kind of stuff? I got in really big trouble from my parents, because I started siphoning his cases of wine and selling them underground for half the cost, without tariffs. You were bootlegging your old man's hooch? cost, without tariffs.

You were bootlegging your old man's hooch? Yes, I was. Industrious. Wow. Yeah. On top of other things, that was my big denouement, you know? I don't know. I just grew to hate the town that I was in and the system that my father was a part of. Was he a bad person? He wasn't a bad person. I think he just had bad direction. I think his... I don't know. He

could have been a good dad. Man, he was a shitty dad and a good businessman. So you took matters into your own hands. Yeah. Man, he was a shitty dad and a good businessman. So you took matters into your own hands. Yeah. And got in trouble, and were sent off to boarding school. Yeah, kind of. With monks who are librarians, and taught you how to kill with your fists.

One day he found out about what I was doing, after I'd already gotten in trouble for a little bit of mild extortion and a little bit of trading, a little bit of trafficking. So I think he was already pretty irritated with me, and then he found out about my smuggling scheme with his wine. One day he called me down into the living room and there was a whole group of monks and people in black. I tried to fight them off and they grabbed me and they drug me away. Wait, this was not by choice. You were abducted by monks? My dad paid to get me abducted by monks, yeah.

Oh my gosh. He wasn't very proud. Are you okay? Sure. Great. Was it hard? Yeah, I mean, there were elements that were hard, but everyone has had hardships, right? What's it matter?

And besides, he sent me off to the monks. I think he tried to, he was hoping that they were going to beat my indiscretions out of me. Instead, I think all of the things that the monks, that my fathers saw in me that they hated, the monks saw as a potential advantage. So in a weird way, I think he kind of, it might've been the nicest thing he ever did for me. I've never thought of you as an optimistic person, but that's a very positive way of looking at it. I mean, I still never really want to see him again,

and I don't think he wants to see me again either, so. In fact, he told me he didn't want to see me again. So it's good, yeah. At this point, you guys have caught up with the rest of the crowd, as you guys have kind of manned your way and look up, and you can see the rest of your party has been kind of wandering the street.

But I do have a nice little wine skin that I keep reserved. My family's wine, if you want to taste. I would very much. Toss, not the wine. I'll just take a little sip, in case we have to do the Hour of Power later. That's really good wine.

That's pretty damn good wine. Wow, that's amazing. Anybody else want a sip of my heritage? Yeah, I guess. I got code for something. It is hard to believe, but I was able to do the I Dance the Waltz and the Tarantelle. It's been many years.

Well, you should show me sometime, because I want to see it. I'm very much out of practice. We can do it when nobody's watching, okay? I could see you as a waltzer. That makes sense. It does, a little bit. I'm really good at the waltz. I believe it.

Yeah, they taught me the same time I learned piano. Is there anything else that you're hiding from us? Any other quirks or skills? So many. lots of skills. What are three more? I can paint. Mm-hmm. I'm really good at baking scones.

Specifically scones. With cinnamon root. With cinnamon. Scones are hard to make. I know, it's a very tough recipe, but I do that. The trick is to not overmix? You don't want to overmix? Oh, sorry, we've been walking with your friend Beau. Wait, hold that thought. So that's two things.

Yes. And the third is? The third thing is something that I want to talk to Fjord about, because if he's that inexperienced, then maybe he should take some lessons or something. Oh. Time is of the essence. He might be with a lady of the night later tonight. You might have to teach him quickly. That's true.

And was that skill learned or innate? Cram school. No, no, no. It really was more of a learning sort of thing. Yeah, studying is key. Yes, it's all about studying. That's true. At this moment, Caleb, in like,

listening to this conversation, your eyes focus on a signpost behind her on a building that reads Bentbinders. I'm done here. I walk towards the store. Is it open? Is it open? No, the windows are closed. Oh my gosh, I press my nose to the glass and try to see what I can see. Is there a lot of books in there, or just a few books? Make a perception check. Okay.

I'll go put my nose next to his nose on the glass. What are we looking for? 16. As you look through, the combination of the two of you, eventually the glass just fogs up and you can't see anything, but from the brief moment you had on the inside, it looks like there are a few shelves that contain some books.

It looks like there is actually a binding press and tools for bookbinding in there. From what I can tell, does it look like a technical place where they are just making books, or do they have books for sale? It looks like they have books for sale, but it's too dark for you to see if they're blank or if they're actual books at the moment. I cannot tell if it's a happy or a sad bookstore. You cannot tell yet, no. Just like Christmas, you must wait till the morning.

Are there any silk flowers? I was looking for those. Make an investigation check. Yay! Yeah, tonight when it doesn't matter, you roll great. Shut up. 15. Actually, as you guys are fogging up the window, you pull back and look to the left,

and you can see this adorable little gnome girl, deep tan skin, her hair pulled into these cute little puffy buns on the side of her head, and she has this little basket that is filled with these different colored silk material flowers. She's standing there, smiling, and you can see an older gnome sitting in a rocking chair behind her with a big old pipe coming out of his mouth. His hat's half covered in his face, and he's sitting there rocking next to her. I hop over next to her. I've been looking everywhere for you. Really?

Uh-huh. You have the best flowers I've ever seen, and I would like to buy some. Oh my goodness, thank you so much. Okay. How much is a flower? How much is a flower? The guy's sitting there rocking, goes, Yes, take him a silver a piece. Sorry, copper.

Copper a piece. Yeah. I will buy. Copper. I will buy 10 flowers from you. You'll get 10 flowers from me. Lickety-splutter. And she goes and takes out a handful and counts them in your hand. One, two, three. How old are you?

I am five. You are five. That's wonderful. Does your dad take good care of you? Yes, he's a good dad. Are you a good dad? What number is that? I think that, I don't know, I wasn't counting. 13, that was 13.

13. I'll buy 13. I give her two silvers. You know, I happen to have a little girl with me who is very cool, and I think she would like to play with you. What? Mm-hmm. She's extra special, though, so you'd have to be very nice to her. Oh, I'm very special, too. Really? Yeah, yeah. Where do you live?

Because I could bring her over and you could play together tomorrow. Oh, the house is two buildings down that way and back one street. You can see it has the red brick on the base by the door. I'll come see you guys tomorrow. Okay. What's your name?

My name is Jester. What's your name? Tara. Tara, so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Red brick, bye. She kind of like, just paused,

and she goes, okay, bye. Okay, see ya. And Then runs back and goes, Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. Starts taking the copper and putting it in his hand and he's like, oh, that's fine, fine job, fine job. Pulls his hat off a bit and takes the coins and looks over to you as you walk away and kind of.

Does he seem like a nice dad? Make an insight check. No way. Oh, that's good. 22. Seems like a nice enough dad, yeah? Have your father's day. Ha. All right, anything else you guys wish to do?

Starting to get relatively close to that hour window. I want many of them, because I just bought a bunch. I'll take two, then. Yep. Flowers? Yes, please. One, please. Are there any authorities walking the street?

Any kind of Crownsguard or Kingsguard? There are Crownsguard. It's interesting because there are half and half. For the large gnomish population here, you see half of the Crownsguard are gnomish, and many of them have some form of firearm slung over their back, shoulders. The other half appear to be human or half-elf. have some form of firearm slung over their back, shoulders.

The other half appear to be human or half-elf. The human half-elf, Crownsguard, appear to be less jovial and really paying attention to the chaos and generally trying to keep an eye out for anything untoward. Just like Sentry, though, they're not concerned or turgid or stiff? In comparison to the rest of the people

that are currently celebrating, yes. But even the Gnomish Crownsguard seem to be taking the job seriously, but they're still part of the event. Among their folks. Well, you get the sense here that everyone else gets to celebrate and party this hour, and they don't get to, so they cheat a little bit. Honestly, there's more Crownsguard at night than you expected. When you came into the city, it didn't seem that heavily guarded, but now they're out in a pretty serious

force. You gather probably a combination of whether it be wartime or because the nature of what this city builds. As you're glancing out on the outside of the ledge of this upper area, even looking down, you can see there are a number of torches out by where the construction yards are down below. So either people are working through the night down there, or there's a fairly heavy presence of Crownsguard present around these partially constructed devices and machines of war that you saw being worked on earlier in the day. Looks like they even go through the night. That's some dedication. That seems like a bit much, doesn't it?

Yeah. Work ethic would choke you in that way. Well, it's about that time. Should we make our way back for whatever this is going to be? I got what I needed. I'm ready. Just a second. Come here for a moment. Yes. What is it? this is going to be. I got what I needed, I'm ready. Just a second, no, come here for a moment. Yes, okay, but what is it? Are you going to dance? Well, I think we're going to drink first. Yeah, but later, it seems like you want to.

I think you should. I do like to dance. Well, you should try it, you should enjoy yourself, but just make sure that either Jester or I ties your mask on very tightly, yeah? Should I do the spell that you told me, the disguising spell before the dance? I mean, it would not be a bad idea.

All right, I'll do that. And all the same, maybe stay away from direct light, if you can stay a little bit away from it. Oh, because the shadows won't match. Yeah, and some people are, you know, they're smart and they won't work. Okay, I will. But?

You'll keep an eye out in case anyone? That is exactly what I will do. All right. Thank you. You should enjoy yourself. I'll try. If you want to join us, you could just point and clap. Just sort of off to the side. You don't have to dance. You can just be there.

You guys know that dancing is about spontaneity, and you are planning this dance when this is going to happen so hard. I am not dancing, so it is not really an issue. Just let your heart roll. It's when you're performing, you know, you have to have specific moves. Sure. You saw the guys who kicked you in the face.

They had planned out moves that were really cool. Yeah, like choreography, that's what we're talking about here. Sure, it kicks you in the face every time. I like dancing the dance. All right, well, we'll do choreography to the right and left, and you can be in the middle and just freestyle.

I think that will work out well. Make sure you use your scarves, though. Do you guys still have one of those wands? What wands, the Wand of Smiles? I have that. I could tie. I just hit up a random person with the Wand of Smiles? I have that. I could tie. I just hit up a random person with the Wand of Smiles as we walked by them.

You see the gentleman who's selling the flower vans is sitting there already smiling and goes, That guy knows. Here, I take off my belt ribbon and I tie it around your wand of smiles. Now you have a ribbon dancer of smiles. Make charges, does that thing help? I don't remember. That's probably it for the day. You have free charges, right?

Yeah, it has a few uses on it per day. All right, so you guys return to the Blushing Tankard Tavern. At this point in time, the music's still blaring, drinks are being thrown around, you can see a bunch of people are like, singing big old songs and clanking their tankards together and spilling on the tabletops.

You can see the floor is already slick with spilled liquor here and there. It is a party that hasn't stopped since you left. As you guys begin to enter, at this moment, you can see the dwarven woman who you had spoken with earlier gets onto one of the central tables and slams her foot on the table. Everyone starts looking over and goes, Attention, assholes! Might I have your leering eyes upon this supple and available specimen of a woman? You hear some whistles. She says, Well, thank you. She bends forward with a wink to the crowd. It's, as you've all been waiting for, the Hour of Honor! Cheers, poppin'! And the tokens and titles are at stake. Old Blemmy and his crew hold this winner's tokens for the last three weeks. She gestures over and you can see a team there, mostly of gnomes. Old Blemmy is this dwarf with one

giant gash down his face and the snow-blind eye in that socket who's sitting there with this tuft of a beard that has been so unkept that you can't see his mouth. It's this gray-black salt and pepper bush that just disappears into a chin beard. You assume he's grinning beneath there. Like Beard Papa. Kind of, yeah. Oh yeah! It's all beer papa.

They're not willing to let them go. Who wants to put up their coin and their balls to topple these nobodies? As folks start standing up and tossing some coin on the table at her feet, shouting out, Five silver! I gold gold piece! Three gold, three gold, what we here? People are standing up in their groups, they're starting to get amped up and ready. He's like, keep him coming, keep him coming! Ten gold? Sure. Ten gold.

Oh! By the colorful newcomers. Hi there, sweetie. Do we have more than ten gold here to try and take down these giants of drinking? There's a moment and you see this one group in the corner, these coal-smeared gnomes that come from, you can assume now, this is probably a heavy mining town. They're sitting there with elements of their leather work clothes still on, and they're all thinking and talking amongst themselves, and they all pull in a few more coins, and one of them comes forward, still wearing these leather gloves from the day,

and pops down. 15 gold. Shit. 16. 18. 20 gold. He goes back, just talking to them. Comes back. 25 gold pieces. Come on! I don't even know if I want to do a death breath for 20. I just don't know how to I want to do it that bad for 20.

I just don't know how to walk away from something like this. 25 and five silver. So petty. Oh, for fuck's sake, 30 gold. Price is fair. At that point, everyone goes, whoa, the crowd. With a flourish, you place the rest of the 30 gold piece pot on the table.

I assume you'll all be giving me a little bit of gold for this later. So he turns back and looks to the miners, and they all go, They gather their gold off the table back again and he goes, Thank you. Well, if that's it, it looks like our contenders

for the night are, what do you call them? The Mighty Knight. The Mighty Knight! I want to be known for something, this is exactly what I want to be known for. Cheers and clamoring continue around there, Imo starts shouting and yelling, all right, let's head up these drinks, people!

And with that final slam on the table, she leaps off onto the ground and starts heading off towards the bar on the side. You can see the other bartender, the Noma Shunelman there, is rapidly clearing out tankards and drinks, and he's starting to pull up bottles onto the countertop. They start pushing tables into the center again once more as the crowds begin to circle around. You can see old Blemmy and the rest of his rather rough-looking crew that have seen some life in their time. They're all pretty much Nomish middle-age, which could be anywhere between 100 to 200 years old.

You can see the weathering on their faces and their clothing. They nearly drink professionally. They step up to the table and they go ahead and figure out what order they're going to go in. You guys figure out what order you're going to go in. Are we all going? It looks like she goes, yep, there's five on their team, and talking to her, but she goes, All right, there's five competitors. You need to pick five of your team to compete.

Who's the worst at drinking? Well, I've never been drunk. Then maybe you should sit this one out. But maybe I'm really good at it, you don't know. Do we want this to be the thing that we find out on? Probably not, Jester. Caleb, how are you feeling? I don't think I should go late in the game,

but I feel capable of this challenge. Excellent. I can drink. I'm pretty good at it, too. I'm ready for this. I've never had a drink in my life. Our fucking team kept it over here. Who's sitting it out amongst you guys? Who's going to be sitting it out? I guess it will be me, because I'm the loser.

We need five. We need five, yeah. Maybe you can be. I'm taking my five gold back from you, and I'm stomping upstairs. You can be. I'm taking my five gold back from you and I'm stomping upstairs. You can be the manager of the team. You can also drink alone,

since we'll have to buy your drinks for you. I can also give you some magic mushrooms if you want to slip them in their drinks. It's fungus, actually. Oh, but I can work distraction. Yes, you could use your clerical mysticism to confuse and disrupt our enemy. I stomp back down the stairs and I join you. As you're coming down, you notice the crowds are all gathering and there's this big circle

appearing around the central. They have two tables that are set up with a single bench at each end. You can see a third table behind it where there's probably going to be the dwarf woman overseeing this venture. You do see this little gnome girl that's walking through the crowd, her hands open. Is it Terra? It's not Terra, actually. But it's a rather dirty-looking gnome little girl

who's just thumbing through and getting pushed around a little bit, her hands are out in front. Give her a little money. Give her silver. Give her silver, okay. She takes it and barely audible voice and then continues wandering in the crowd. All right, so who's...

All right, so the five of you guys are doing it? Yep. Yes! All right, at this point, the dwarf woman comes back to the top of the tables there, looks up. All right, friends. I am but your humble evening mistress, Irena Clomup, and it is my pleasure to present to you tonight's esteemed head-to-head drink and battle

between old Blemmy and crew and the Mighty Nein. First up of Blemmy's crew, we have Duncan. You see this one gnome gentleman come forward, patchy beard, more like a Stonewall Jackson type of, missing the centerpiece there. His eyes are bloodshot in red. His hair is slicked back with some sort of a thick oil. He's wearing a leather apron over a white stained shirt. The sleeves rolled up past his elbows. He sits up, gets on one end of the table, puts one hand on his tankard,

and is waiting for his competitor. And on the Mighty Nein's side, who's competing against old Duncan? Listen, you know, the anchor needs to be you, Nott. You're our ringer. All right. So I'll wait until there's a... Molly, you want to kick us off?

I'll take this in. I'm going to riker right over the chair and sit down. What's your name? Molly, dear. Molly! Yes. All right. So, we'll take turns. She goes ahead and grabs this large,

it's a small barrel compared to a large one, but it's a handheld barrel. She goes ahead and pours both of her drinks to the brim. Yeah. Yes! When I clap hands together, you both drink. It's not first to finish, but it's one drink after the next. First to pass out or lose their drink forfeits. So with your drinks full, let's begin! With that, I need you to roll a constitution check. Just roll a d20, add your constitution modifier.

10. Okay. You watch there as Duncan takes it. I want you to roll a constitution check. Just roll a d20, add your constitution modifier. 10. Okay, you watch there as Duncan takes it. Add your constitution, you got 12. Oh, 12, sorry. You're drinking it and it's getting through, it's fine. 12, thank you. You're partway through your drink and he's already finished on the table.

It was a natural 20 on his end. Oh! So you finish the drink and you're like, a little effervescent, but it's there, so that's one loss on your table. It was a natural 20 on his end. Oh! So you finish the drink, and you're like, a little effervescent, but it's there, so that's one loss on your end. How the rules work is the first to three losses is the one in these competitive spaces. So you have to drink fast.

I thought you just said it didn't matter how fast. No, that was just how fast he finished. The idea is you both make competitive constitution checks, and the first to three losses in that competition is the one that either barfs or passes out. Barf saves. Barf saves. Yeah, essentially. Copy, copy. So at that point, as soon as you guys drop the drinks,

next round! Fills up both of them. The crowd starts cheering. Go ahead and roll. Come on, Molly. Goddamn it. Eight. Eight. He rolled a two plus two, Molly. Goddamn it. Eight. Eight, he rolled a two plus two, so.

Yeah! So this time around, you manage to finish a little sooner than him, put it down, he's like. Roll again. Uh-oh. Fills up for the third round. 20. You go ahead and finish your drink a little bit sooner than him, plop it down.

Oh shit. From behind him, you hear old Blenny go, Don't you lose it, boy. A voice that grates like it's been slammed across a hundred years of seawater. Molly, how is it? It's rough. Roll off again. 19. Yes. Roll off again. 19.

You finish your drink. He takes his next one, pops it down, and you both stare for a moment. Down the front of his shirt, he's like, oh! The crowd is like, no! He tries to scoop it back up, like, no, I knew it! You watch as Irina kicks him out of the chair. He's done! First round goes to the Mighty Knight! Oh shit. He gets off the ground, dazed. You are fucking drunk, Molly. I'm very drunk. He topples back to you guys. You see Duncan get pulled back in the crowd, and

Noblemi's like, oh, shut them, his breath, you could hear a string of curse words. Next up, we have Ruth! You watch as this rotund, tough-looking oval of a gnomish woman come up there, her hair pulled into really tight braids on the side with bright freckles and this grimace. This woman has seen some shit and lived. She gets up to the side, takes the same tankard and just goes, I'll show you how it's done, tongue king. Feel it! She's got nothing on you.

She got nothing on you. She's nothing. You got this. You got this. My resting bitch face is stronger and I jump in. I hop up on the table next door and start yelling, Beau! Beau! Beau! Beau! Beau! Beau! Beau! Make a persuasion check.

Beau. I use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like other people are chanting with me. Yes, yes, girl, yes. That's a roll. That's a 21. With that, the crowd starts picking up on Beau, and the name Beau, Beau, Beau begins to resonate

through the crowd. At this point, you lock eyes with this gnomish woman and you can see there should be color, but the irises are like gray, slate gray. It puts you off. There's this intensity to her that you're like, oh, this is going to be a- Fjord, she has crazy eye.

Go ahead and roll. Do I have advantage because people are chanting my name? No. But people are definitely invested in this victory. So go ahead and make your first roll. Don't fuck me. 16. 16. You both chug, slam it down at the same exact time.

Both hold tight. It was a tie. Oh no, you're getting shithoused during this round. Both chug, slam it down at the same exact time. Both hold tight. It was a tie. Ooh! Oh no, you're getting shithoused during this round. Yeah, I am, yeah. They fill up the drinks, and next round go! Roll for it. Oh, these are rough. Mm-hmm.

Blue die. Okay, okay, okay! 21. 21, you both. Why am I so nervous? You finish just before, slam the drinks down. Ow! Not as tough as Beau.

So that's one victory on your end there. Roll again. I'm solid. Ow! All right, roll again. Snap. Fuck! Seven.

Seven. This time, she doesn't even break eye contact with each drink, she tilts to the side and finishes it in seconds and slams it down and just burps in your direction while you're still drinking, and it catches you, so that's a loss on your end. Kind of burns her eyes a little bit.

Yeah. Next one. Fucking shit. Oh my god. You got this, you got this. Fuck me. Gil, I'm going to let it go, I'm going to let it live. 19. 19. No, this, you got this. Fuck me. Gil, I'm going to let it go, I'm going to let it live. 19.

19. No, 20, 20. 20. Some nice. No, 17, 18, 19. I know math. Nice rolls. These are not saving throws, right?

This is the actual check. Five plus three. Got it. All right, so on that, as you both fill this next set of tankards, you drink, drink, drink, and you finish just before she does, Beau's slammed down and she's starting to having a tough end of it. You can see her grinding her fingers into the woodwork. This is a lot of drinking.

I wipe the sweat off with my rope. That's two victories to you, one victory to her. I'm massaging her traps. The crowd's still shouting, Beau, Beau, Beau, Beau. Next roll. Nine. This time she tuffs it in, grabs it in both hands and just chugs it down. The foam catches at the corner of her mouth and she finishes and she wipes it off

and sips it off her finger. Brutal. That's a victory on her end. You guys are both tied. The next roll is going to see who takes it. Win or go home, Beau. Win or go home, I am a Kolbazol. Here we go. Beau, boom, boom, boom. Her left eye's twitching as she's glaring at you.

All right, Gil. It comes down to you, boy. Come on, boy. Did you already roll? You did. Six. No, five. Sorry, five. With that, you both chug, chug, chug, maintain eye contact. You get partway into it, then and you begin backing up into the tankard. You try and pass it off, and as you drop the tankard to gather yourself, it just sprays onto the table.

Sorry! The whole crowd worked up for Beau's victory, falls into a series of sad awws. You watch as Ruth finishes her drink, sets it from the table, and Ruth. Turns around and goes back. I'm sure they got bread around here somewhere, just find something to soak all that up.

Oh gosh. Okay. Next up we have Valken! You see now this very young, looked like maybe the runt of his family line of gnomes, comes forward, looks very thin, kind of bright-eyed, and very stark contrast to the rest of them as he gets closer to the table and sits down.

Who's my competitor? Yeah, hello, my name is Caleb. Puts out a hand. Caleb, it's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. Best luck, may the best gnome win. It's enjoy a good game. Did you just say, may the best gnome win? Yes.

He's trash talking, don't listen to him! Don't listen to him! Keep him out of your head, keep him out of your head! I'm a very skinny man, let's do this. High metabolism, use it. Do not let me fall asleep face down in the gutter tonight. Won't happen. Okay. That was an option.

All right. For you. As you guys gather, the crowd begins to pull in a bit. The Evening Mistress leans down at you and goes, Don't worry, lad, I can see you're nervous, but just let the throat open and take it in. Leans back. What am I doing? And first batch, go!

Roll off. Grog die. Yes! 21. Oh shit! Unexpectedly so, little Caleb finds his taste for alcohol in this one, and with but a moment's notice, downs the entirety of his glass,

finishing it before Valken does. I put you on the table! Oh, well done, that's impressive. Yes, it's a good game, it's just a game. Fills both of them again, next round, go for impressive. Yes, it's a good game, it's just a game. Fills both of them again. Next round, go for it. So polite. Laurencia, lieber Laurencia, mein.

Von wen, wen in. Your confidence overtakes you as you go into the second round of cups and you manage to finish, but you have to stop halfway through. You have to actually go, going for the second serve. You take it down and finish it. However, as you pull your glass down,

you can see Valken's there leaning. Enjoying the fumes as they waft up again. Well done, well done. Maybe we should do a dance to distract his competitor now. That's a good idea. Yeah. Third drinks are filled, go for it. Directly in front of Valken, we start.

Both of you guys make individual performance checks. Oh! 19! It was 15, but 12. He does not seem to be distracted, unfortunately. What'd you roll? 13 for me. 13. As you take a moment and. Nighty-mine never says die! You manage to finish the last bits of it, and it takes a moment. You can feel all the suds of the mixtures of drinks you've had tonight billowing in your stomach and churning. You hear the

in your stomach. You're like You hear the in your stomach, you're like, oh, that's not good. That's a second loss on your end. Oh no! That feels like it might go out the back exit instead of the front. They fill it up, next roll. Oh no.

14. 14? Come on, yo. With this, you see Valken, he rolled a nine, plus three. So you win this one. He takes it and finishes you both within a second of each other, finish the drink and. No, I've got this, you've got this, I've got this.

He came up steady. I swat him on the side of the face. No, don't touch, don't touch. I do it again. It's good for you, it's good for you. Drink! They filled the last batch, you guys both, final roll. Natural 20. No! Caleb! Caleb! Natural 13 on his end. With that, he finishes the drink and goes, Told you! Booyah! Gets up from the table, turns around and just face plants right on the ground.

Caleb! Pick him up. I nod coolly for a second, and I just turn and go, Face plants right in the ground. The guy goes, yeah, Caleb! Pick him up. I nod coolly for a second, and then I just turn and go. Oh. You pull your way away from the table. Success is yours. That's now two victories on your end, one for Ruth there, and two final competitors.

Second to last competitor, the powerhouse, the walking brick herself, Tonya! You see now this dwarven woman who looks like Rosie the Riveter on steroids comes around the corner. She has her sleeves rolled up past the deltoids. She has these massive hands with a bit of dwarven hair that's gathered on the outside of the forearm, big square jaw, looks like missing the two front teeth, and she grins as she sits down. She has most of her hair up and tied into this cloth. She's got a bit of the coal smears on her cheeks. Yeah, Tanya!

Okay, okay, I'll throw my leg over the chair and sit down. Evening. All right, Fjord! Evening to you. I like Tanya. Have you ever done this before? Evening to you. I like Tanya. Diplicity record. You ever done this before? Oh, like all the time, you. No.

Good voice. Well, good luck then. I'm happy to see how long you last, big boy. Fill it up. They filled the drinks, take your first swig there. 16. 16. You both finish neck and neck, but you still manage to get it down faster. As you both stand there, she looks at you with a nod of being impressed. Not bad, not bad. Is that all there is to this?

Oh, we've just gotten started. Fill her up! Fill the next round. Nod. She said you were bad. 13. She beats you with a 16. As she finishes off, sets it down and waits for you to finish, our fingers crossed, goes, cute, cute, not as strong as coming out of the gates. Is that all you got? You're going to lose the wind in your sails there, green boy?

I admit I feel a little weak. I can't tell if it's the drink or if it's your beautiful visage sitting in front of me. You hear this voice go, He's mine. She is. Fill her up. They fill up the two drinks. I mirror image of myself in front of her. What's her name?

Tanya. Tanya, and wiggle to make it look like her vision's starting to double. Make a deception check. Oh no, that was bad. Yeah, that was the goal. Eight. Eight. You manage to do so. She doesn't seem to be paying attention to you. Caleb, you're

getting really nauseous watching Jester do this little dance off to the side. Make your roll. It's just all of us drunk people going. Natural 20. No! Okay! That is one smooth semen. That's two victories to you, one victory to her. With that one, you finish it abruptly, slam it down, and you're like, oh, you're actually gaining ground. That weird swirling in your stomach seems to have faded,

and you've come into your own in this game. She's looking, you see the sweat appearing on her brow, and she's like, that's okay, there's more where that came from. Fill it up, I got his number, come on. Make a roll off. Natural 20. What the shit? Fucking champ.

Nuts, eye contact never broken. With that, Tanya goes down. She gets halfway into the drink before like, ugh, sorry, and looks back towards Old Blumy before she leans forward and stumbles out of the chair. One of the other people picks her up and pulls her aside, and Old Blimey's sitting there just fuming. Never get into a drinking game with a man of the sea. She goes, and with that, it looks like Old Blimey's team has fallen. That's three victories.

Which Old Blimey puts his hand and goes, Not yet. What? I haven't competed. One of theirs hasn't competed. How about we make a deal? Last fight, double or nothing. Wait, we can win money from this thing?

It was always about money. I thought we only got tokens or something for free drinks. No, we win money. There's money in it. I like it. Honestly tokens or something for free drinks. No, we win money, there's money in it. I like it, honestly, we go for it. I like it as well, but only if you can match this diamond worth, oh, about 100 gold. Are you putting in the, well.

Give me something like that or there's no deal. They look at each other going, I think that's a little rich for our tastes. No, no, fuck it, let's just do it without that deal. Double or nothing, gold notch. She's the worst negotiator ever. This is such a change of pace from last year. It's so attractive.

All my mirror images are like, ah, drink! Drink! Who's going to come after me, then? I'm scared. You've got it not! I've looked in the, by the way, Matt, I've looked in the thing. The Dodecahedron.

Oh, okay, all right, all right. All right, I'll try. Hello, hello, sir. This, this is what you bring before me, is the offering. You should know that the tree's called The Bottomless Pit. I'm going to crush your little green one.

Fucking shut up, Nott! Fucking shut up! Are you in the disguise, self? No. It's great, too many talks. You just see the bristles of the beard. You can see as the evening mistress up there,

the top goes like, All right, looks like we get to see old Blemmy strain through his baleen after all. Get to the sides of the table, let the whale take a drink. The whale? Oh shit! I love this. You are in hell, let's do this!

That was good. The dwarf sits down, his mitt completely encompasses the tanker with his giant dwarven hand. Against all blimey, we have... Hello, I'm Otto. Otto! Sorry. Otto the Bottomless Pit!

Yes! And drink! Pour the drinks, go make a roll. Nine, one. Oh! That's a five, that's a five. You can use it now. Are you going to go with it? I'll use it now.

Okay, that's better. That's 17. 17. You both chug down. You manage to finish quickly, slam it down. This isn't as bad as you thought. You've had much harder liquors than this. You watch as the froth is filling at the edges of his mustache, and as he pulls it down, there's this coating of foam from the drink that's resting there, and this tongue comes out of nowhere. This cousin-it, broom-like beard, this tongue goes and takes the suds in. That was a victory on your end, though. I feel good. This feels right.

Get it, get it, von Bismarck. All right, all right. Next batch, take the roll. I'm going to take out a little bit of fleece and rub it and cast Silent Image on myself to make just a pussy eye, just something real gross that looks just real disgusting. Okay.

That's an 18. 18? That's pretty damn good. So Old Blummie goes and finishes his drink. That's two for two victories on your end there. He's not had the best luck rolling these last two rounds. Finishes it down. You're small, but I can see why they call you the Bottomless Pit. Yeah, I'll be a pea. He grabs the barrel from the person

and fills his own last tankard, hands it off. Let's go. Go ahead and take a roll. Can I pour this round? Can I drink this with a mage hand Hand, just pouring from way up there? If you really want to, sure. I do, I do. So you're like, ah, catching it underneath. The crowd's like, yeah! Cleavering! Go make your roll.

Only 14. With that, as it's coming down, it's splashing on your face a bit, and you're trying to catch it. I got two cocky! You manage to catch most of it, and you finish like, oh, oh, no, that's an und- You realize that the liquors that you've been having are not mixing well with this particular drink, and you're starting to feel, oof, that's a victory on his end. No, no, no! All you hear is this subtle.

Don't let up. Roll for the next one. I don't think I can do it! You got this, Jester! Cut him! Drink out of me! Just see out there! Cut him! I cut my eyes! I cut my eyes! No, I just got you! You got this knot!

I'm going to cast Bless. Oh, okay. I think it gives you advantage on saving throws. Is this a saving throw? No. But you're blessed. All right. Make your roll. That's a 21.

He rolled a natural 16 with a plus four modifier. That puts him at 20. Break the tank! Break the tape! Break the tape! As you both finish the drink, everyone's like, The whole crowd backs up for a minute. Not! The whole crowd backs up for a minute. At this point, Ob-Lemi leans forward and goes, Wait a minute. Are you a fucking Grinch? And passes out right on the table. The Slytherin pulls before him. The crowd goes wild. Irina leans down and fiddles through his pockets and pulls out his token and goes,

I do believe that you've earned this. Thank you. There we go, Nibs on the board. What does this get me? It gets you free drinks here for the rest of the week or until someone takes it from you. Free drinks? Guys, we can drink more! I'll get you free drinks here for the rest of the week, or until someone takes it from you. Free drinks? Guys, we can drink more!

Yeah. You guys look like shit. Yeah. There's three of you. No, there are, yes. My mouth is watering. Let it be known that the Mighty Nein can take on any competitor and win!

Victory will be ours in any arena! Yeah! Chairs go up there. You see already there's somebody off in the corner who's whittling a block of wood and carving the Mighty Nein into it to put on the wall. The rest of Oblemi's team begrudgingly come up and drunkenly pass forward their tokens

and pass them over to you. So you have five drink tokens. Five of you can drink for free at this bar. Well worth it. Yeah, totally. Is there money involved, too? It was a double or nothing, so that's 60 gold. They ended up having to pony up the rest of it.

There was a 20% cut for the house, though, so that's 60 gold, losing 20% of that. I'll take 20 of that because I put in the funds. So that's 48 gold to go back to you guys. I take five because I gave Molly five. Okay. Everyone goes and claps you on the back say five because I gave Molly five. Okay. Everyone goes and claps you on the back and start cheering and shaking your hands and stuff

and like, oh, that was amazing! It's like all the time. Tell me you have biscuits and gravy or something. Ew. We will in the morning. Fried chicken. Oh, that'll be perfect. Do you have a water burger?

Well, if you're looking for a meal. No, go. Oh, yeah! She wants to fuck your brains out. You know, I think I have some more libations in me. Why not? We're in Humpadook. Duke it up. The night is young. It's young. I even crashed in another room. It's perfectly fine. We do have an extra room.

No, it's fine. He's too drunk to fuck. That's all the ladies as well. I haven't crashed in another room, it's perfectly fine. We do have an extra room. No, it's fine. He's too drunk to fuck. That's all the ladies as well. I'm fine. He's a little embarrassed. His penis gets a little limp when we have our few drinks. It's nothing personal. She doesn't know me like that. It's not real.

I have a friend who's a nerblist, something can help with that. You have a friend who's a nerblist? Do you have a topical cream? Neverbalist, so that's something that can help with that. You have a friend who's a nerbalist? Jeez. Do you have a topical cream? Never mind, that was a different problem. Where's your pisser? No, it's up third floor. There's a bit of a water closet. Just aim for the hole, please.

I'll pop it right back in the hole. It's his penis problem again. Oh shit. What? You guys are trashed. You are very drunk. It's very observant. Am I also very drunk?

Can you feel this? Slap. I assume I take one hit point of damage, or four, or 1d4 from a monk. I'd say you take a hit point. Okay. You're drunk, you're real relaxed. Did you feel that? Oh!

My hand's a bit stingy now. The mighty nine is the mighty nine, the mightiest nine that ever nine. I like that song! Nine mightiest mightiest nine. You guys need to go to bed or something. I think I'm going to puke. I'm totally fine.

Pretty normal, actually. This is great. Caleb. You need to go to bed. You are intoxicated, you are furious. I thought we were going dancing. I'd do anything. Oh shit.

I can surf on a truck. Oh, fuck. Just give me five minutes. I'm going to go out, I'm going to barf on a truck! Just give me five minutes. I'm going to go out, I'm going to go behind the alley, I'm going to barf, I'm going to clean myself up, and then I'm going to go back in a little bit more put together. You can rally!

Yeah. I'm going to ask Caleb to waltz with me. All right, okay. I'm so proud of you, I'm so proud of you. You were great great housekeeper. In the midst of everything dying down, people are starting to get pretty sloshed, and the energy level, while it's still rather rowdy,

some folks are starting to tap out for the night. As Jester goes ahead and drags Caleb into the center of the tavern floor, takes hands, and Caleb, almost running on autopilot, who does have some minor experience in the past, go ahead and make a performance check with disadvantage, Caleb. That's cocked.

That's okay, and that is, with advantage, you say? Disadvantage, because you're drunk. Very low, very low. That is a five. Because you're drunk? So Caleb, a moment passes before Jester begins leading you. But you guys continue, the two of you, to have a very nice little waltz in the middle of the area. Quietly, the music begins to change.

What was once the rowdy bar music transitions into an actual waltz piece as the musicians notice this happening. The three-fourths begins to pick up. One, two, three, one, two, three. As you guys continue to dance, a few other couples begin to get up and start faking it. They don't seem to know, but they're watching and playfully making up their own waltz-type maneuver. An impromptu half-assed waltz begins to develop here in the center of the tavern.

I'm in. We'll dance a bit. You guys begin to join this as well. Which one of you is leading? I'll lead. All right. Molly's leading. Nott's at his beck and calls. You guys now begin to dance around in a circle. Beau and Fjord, you're both there drunkenly staring at this. I actually did not come back down. Oh, that's right. You're still upstairs. Fjord has passed the fuck out upstairs. Would you pass out?

I might have passed out in the pisser. Out there dancing. You are always a better dancer than me, Astrid. You are so good. Astrid? Yeah. Oh, well, you know, Caleb, you've been a good dancer. I break away. Oh, Astrid. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Caleb, do you need to go to sleep? Yeah, just walk, stumble away. No, no, no, no. I grab his jacket. Yes, you're way stronger. You are not going to go pass out in the street. You told me to be in charge of this, and I walk him upstairs and make sure he gets in bed. Okay. Jester goes and tucks Caleb into one of the rooms in the bed, comfortably. You're A blue. Yes, I am.

And you're very nice and a little stinky. One of those things is true. And you are blue. I'm sure Astrid loves you very much. I take him in. Okay. I'm going to grab Beau before we head up. I'm coming on the door!

Oh, escape god! All right. What? Is it all right if I try something? No, nothing like that. I just want to... I will fucking punch you if you try and kiss me. Oh god. I know I'm attracted.

How is your hangover? Whatever team you're on, I'm not sure I play for that one. Team fuck off, I'm well aware. How are your hangovers normally? I'll normally wake up and I sweat it out. I got a weird thought. I don't know about this. This may feel weird, I'm going to try and I sweat it out. I got a weird thought. I don't know about this. This may feel weird. I'm going to try my Blood Maledict.

What? I'm going to do the... I'm going to do the Predation Advance to see if I can cure a hangover with it. I don't know if it'll work. Technically it's a poison and I'm willing to drop some HP into this. It gets a little fancy and it's mostly just to see if I can clean it up a little bit. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. Are you going to amplify it? Oh yeah, I want to see if it works.

I'm a hot mess and I like it. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw, Beau. Saving throw? Yes. Yes. Oof, that hurt. Oh god, this one does this every time. It's a fucking tease. Yeah, I'd get rid of that one. It's kind of a dick.

Six. Six. You manage to sober her up a little bit, but you're still pretty tipsy. But from going blackout drunk, you're now just heavily buzzed and right at drunk. I feel like this could be very useful. I'm going to work on this. What's interesting is as you finish this,

you watch as out of some of the pores, the actual alcohol is drawn out, hovers in the air for a second before dropping onto the ground. No! What? Yeah. No, it was a party foul! I wouldn't touch that. I was curious that I would.

Was that inside me? What did you, did you touch inside me? Fuck. Thank you for being part of my little experiment. All right, now what? I was just curious if I could pull liquor out of people. I'm going to go throw up on Fjord, excuse me. Oh no.

Oh no. Do you go find Fjord? I'm going to find Fjord and make sure that however I throw up, it makes it look like he did it to himself. Oh! Oh! No, no, not like that, not like that. All right, so.

Not like this. Not like this. Do you leave Fjord in the bathroom? Oh god, no, I bring him back in the room. Okay, okay. You guys all make yourselves back to your rooms. As you go and check inside, you can see Yasha is asleep in the corner, just there with her sword on the side ready, and then curled up against her chest is Ciri, also asleep, just bundled up,

a little bustle of feathers. She tried to shape her. You guys eventually find yourselves to rest for the night. Sleep. A long, arduous morning comes to as the sun comes up through the windows. The sound of distant wandering roosters crowing at daybreak break you into consciousness and the hangovers are real. Beau's doing okay. It's a little bit of a hangover, but not too bad.

Jester's totally sober, Yasha's sober. Sober, I'm doing ribbon dances in the bedroom. Right. Fuck off. As Jester, as you and Beau start getting ready, you guys start gathering your things. Beau, your coin purse is missing. Motherfucker, who did it?

Jester. My coin point, coin, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm still hungover, goddammit! What? My coin purse is missing! Her coin point. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm still hung over! Goddamn it! What? My coin purse is missing! Her coin pond. Her coin pond! Your money is gone? Is my money still on me?

You still have your money on you. I still have my money. What happened to yours? Motherfucker, there was like 300 gold in there. Oh shit. You should really spread it out. Beau! That's really not good. Should we go looking for it? Maybe you dropped it under the bed. Can I start looking around?

Make an investigation check. That's not going to be under the bed. Someone's going to fucking die. 16. 16, you spend a few moments looking around and it's nowhere to be seen in the room. I think somebody might have taken it from you. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's exactly what happened. Oh no. I wonder if that's a common thing when people get drunk like that. We're going to go talk to Irene right now. I bet she knows the motherfucker. We're going to fucking track him down. Irina?

Whatever that bitch's name is, let's go! Is everybody else waking up? Sure. Hey! I knock on the doors really loudly. Check your coin purses! Make sure you have your money's worth! What is wrong with you? Do we have our money? No.

Wait, all of our money's gone? Not Molly, Fjord. Your coin purses are gone. And we're going to take a break. Oh! Yeah! I like it way more in there than that. We just got fucking hooked. That's a lot of money.

That's a lot of money. I was feeling comfortable about it. What about you? Does Caleb have his money? All two gold. Do I have my motherfucking books? Your books are still with you. What about your diamond? Your diamond you keep with your components, so yes. That wasn't missing. It was just a coin purse missing.

All right, guys. Here's the deal. Wait, we're taking a break. No, fuck! I'm so angry! I know. Hold it, hold it. I love that woman. All right, guys, we'll be back here in a few minutes. Stay tuned for the break.

We have Jason Charles Miller's video about his awesome album. Check it out. We'll see you here in a few minutes. Oh, no. Oh, hey there. Laura Bailey here to tell you all about the glorious goods we create inspired by our stories. Our stores are filled with the basics, like character-inspired T-shirts, dice sets, and pins,

as well as more specialty items like fancy jackets, puzzles featuring gorgeous artwork, the comfiest joggers and pajamas ever, and much, much more. There's also a few special items that support charity efforts, like our dedicated Critical Role Foundation merch. You can check out all of our regional online stores by visiting the Shop tab on CritRole.com or head straight to the U.S. store at shop.critroll.com. Every purchase helps support our shows and the stories we tell. Speaking of which, let's get back to the story. And welcome back. So, returning to where we were, the Mighty Nein coming to consciousness, most of them with a roaring hangover, have come to realize that all of their money

has been pilfered, other than Jester and Yasha, everyone appears to at some point during the evening lost their monetary gains. So, as you guys are finding this out, what do you do? I accuse Jester of stealing our money! Why would I steal your money? You're right, it's stupid, but! That is really dumb.

We, as detectives, should think clearly about this. Okay. And figure out, when was the money stolen? Did you all have your money after the competition? Yeah, we put our winnings, we split it up and threw it in the back. Between the competition and bedtime, our money was stolen. So it had to be somebody that seems inconspicuous walking around the room and

stealing people's money. It's that damn bird. Kiri. I think she'd be kind of noticeable downstairs taking people's money. Is Kiri with us? But. Kiri is with Yasha. Kiri, did you steal our money?

Kiri goes. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. Don't think she did it. Don't stop there, she's a kleptomaniac, I can tell. Okay, so I might be able to help us. How? Also, there was this little girl who seemed really sweet, but she was walking around inconspicuously throughout the room, and maybe she did it.

I also don't think this was necessarily a one-person job. Normally there's a couple people doing stuff like that, or one person is a runner and one person is a looker. Maybe we should ask Irina if it happens often when these things go on. I thought you said you had something. Oh, yes, I have a spell that can locate objects. Oh, well that sort of cuts down on our detective work a lot. Well, I could locate potentially,

yeah, like a money purse. You remember what my bag looked like? Well, yeah, of course. It matches my sash that you still have on your wand. Yeah, this on this wand, yes. I almost forgot we tied that on. That's one. Yeah, this on this wand, yes. I almost forgot we tied that off. That's funny.

It was a good thing we were drunk. Can you just bring the volume level down just a little? But it was only the five who competed who were robbed. It was only the five who got stupid drunk. Who were robbed. We were super drunk. But it could be because we won, and Blemmy's crew stole our money.

Could be. Could be. Why don't we? We should find out if Blemmy's crew also got stolen from. Yes. Do we remember if Blemmy's crew hung around the tavern afterwards? To your memory, they didn't. Shortly after the competition, tucking their tails, they went to find another place to drink

and not have to be in the eyes of people that watched them lose. Okay. Okay. So we're going to talk to Irina, and then we're going to maybe find Blemmy, or maybe just follow, locate object. We are not going to start with the spell

that will lead us to it? What's the range? I say we start the spell now, in case they decide to throw away the coin purses. Unless somebody knows something that was in their purse that was actually of value, that they could recognize. And some bacon.

Does anyone have money for bacon? I still have money. Oh, bless you. Nott, did you have any of those trinkets, like my jade bracelet in your bag? And with your money? I'm wearing it. Fuck! No, I only keep my valuable things in other pockets. It has to be within a thousand feet.

And it only lasts for ten minutes. Within how many feet? A thousand, which is not that far. Let's see if we can get some tips. We'll learn something later. What if I cast Zone of Truth on Irina? It's not a bad idea. Well, let's see if she just talks first.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, but how will we know if she's telling the truth? She seems shady as fuck. Does she? I haven't talked to her. Yeah, I don't like her at all. Let's try to escalate anything too quickly yet. Molly could use his Masculine Wiles to cut. I think Fjord should do it.

Do I have Masculine Wiles? You have Pan Wiles. I'm into it. I'll take it. The affected creature is aware of the spell. I'm into it. I'll take it. The affected creature is aware of the spell. Yeah. Always? Why don't we save that for the moment that we have somebody we definitely want to interrogate

who may just, instead of somebody who just might tell us they don't know anything. Let's just go down and talk to Irene. Yeah. We go looking for Irene. And get breakfast. I think she did. somebody who just might tell us they don't know anything. Let's just go down and talk to Iryna. Yeah. We go looking for Iryna. And get breakfast. All right. You guys head down to the bottom floor of the tavern,

and I mean, it is empty. From seeing it so busy the night before, it is just 20-odd empty tables. There is Iryna at the bar, who's currently sitting down in the process, eating what looks like a sandwich, quietly looking probably a little hungover herself. You do see, sitting on the far table, in the middle of cleaning out her fingernails, is Rissa.

Rissa did it. No. She did it. We should get them at the same table and ask them questions, because they have to be within 15 feet of each other. I don't think it was her, she's been nice. They played against each other. If it was Rissa, what is she still doing here? Oh, good point.

Still think she did it. I'm thankful for your seedy background right now, Molly. Let's get some breakfast before anything happens. We are with what fucking money, Molly? With my money. It's not the first time I've been robbed. I'll buy you guys breakfast. It could be this morning.

You're welcome. Good morning. Now you're all looking appropriately fucked. Yeah, in a few ways. What can I get for you? Just one one. Sorry. Bacon. Breakfast can be done, let me go.

Sid! Sid, more breakfast! Irina, did you see anybody taking all of our money last night? No, why? Did someone take all your money last night? Does it happen all the time when people do this drinking game?

If you're not paying attention, you have a lot on you, well, that's your own fault. Do you know anyone? That's their little side hobby. I don't know anyone particularly, but it happens sometimes. That's why most folks that go out only take a few coins with them.

Shit, what have you done? The fucking kids had like six coins on them. Happens all the time. If you're walking around with a bank in your pocket, I mean, you're asking for it. Three gold situation. Wait, did you guys, what did you guys do with our cart?

It's out front. But it was strung up. It was tied to the hitch. Would you have woken up in your drunken stupor? Of course I would. We'll go check. Yeah, we go look at the cart. Is it still there and protected? Okay, you turn around and the cart is protected. There are Crownsguard that patrol the main area.

It's not as busy as it was last night, of course. It seems they come out in full force. A lot of them seem to sleep during the day and then come out at night to keep watch because that's when a lot of things happen. There's one that's posted in the far corner. It looks like nobody's messed with the cart because it is out in the open. Should have left our money in the cart. Excuse me. Can I have a minute of your time?

Are you referring to? The Crown's Guard. Okay, so you've exited the tavern. Yeah, I'm walking out. I'm sitting down to breakfast. I'm going back in the tavern. Me too. The food is being brought out to you slowly over the next 30 minutes or so. The Crown's Guard down to breakfast. I'm going back into the tavern. Me too. The food is being brought out to you slowly over the next 30 minutes or so.

The Crownsguard looks to you. You can see it's human, kind of a bushy, not really well-kept blonde beard. Morning. Sorry. Morning? You go first, yeah. You all right there, buddy? We kind of tied one on last night in a harsh way. I can see you're newcomers to the town, then.

Indeed. So much so that we seem to have been relieved of our coin during last night's revelry. You don't say. Yeah. Does that happen a lot around here? To conspicuous folks, maybe. It happens every now and then. We try and keep an eye out there. As with any place of business, there is always going to be some element of theft. Nothing we saw out of the ordinary, but we can begin to investigate if you'd like.

Well, that might not be necessary. I believe it was our fault. But just out of curiosity, is there anywhere in town that, I don't know, there might be an infestation of this sort of problem, or do you know any common areas where folks engaged in this sort of activity might gather at night or in the day? Areas of trouble that you've dealt with before. Oh god, am I sweating? You are, profusely. I can't say there's a specific region. If anything, the workplaces here are not teeming with that element. The industrious nature of the city keeps itself in a busy and very visible place. Perhaps, somewhat here in the Idlework Shelf,

there's the residential areas of Silver Falls, but those are probably the more likely areas. I wouldn't look to the lower half. Up here in the shelf and beyond would be probably the most, but we'll, are you sure? I don't mind, could probably keep an eye out. Is there any information you have about who these individuals who robbed you may be? We're a little light on details, unfortunately.

You know what, I'm going to go eat a half a cow, and then maybe once that's soaked up some of this, I'll return if I remember. Yeah, I think you should go do that. All right, thank you, have a good morning. You too. And sits back to his post, looking a bit confused. Ask Ireena about the little girl.

Ireena, what about the little girl? I don't know what you're talking about, which little girl? There's a little girl you're talking about. Which little girl? There was a little girl that was walking around last night that was asking for money and stuff. Oh, the beggar. She comes in every now and then. Some folks help her get along.

She doesn't steal things? Don't that I've seen. She's like a waif, what are you talking about? Make an insight check. Is she lying to me? Does she know more? Yeah, that's my answer. 12. How the hell can I pay? Make an insight check. Is she lying to me? Does she know more? Yeah, that's my answer. 12. 12? Yeah.

I mean, as best as you can read, she seems to be forthright. As best as you can read. I'm going to cast Ovid's Fifth. Okay. So what's the saving throw on that? I like it. DC? Charisma... Cut to it. Charisma 15.

Trim the fat. No, she fails. She goes like, what's going on? What are you talking about? Because if I recall, yeah, she's aware of the spell. She's aware of the spell. She's like, what sort of trickery are you doing here? I don't like this. I'm going to ask you to leave.

Oh, I don't think you need to do that. I'm just curious about what happened last night. If you have ever seen any shady figures in here. There are many shady figures that come through here. It's a town. Do you know of anyone who would have stolen coins from people? Who was here last night?

There was a lot of people here last night. I know you're asking me. Look, I'm a shady-looking character sometimes as well. I can't pick it. There's a lot of hard-working people here. Did you steal the money? I did not steal your money. I'm just checking.

Do you know who stole the money? No, I don't know who stole your money. Marissa, come here for a second. But if you were going to suspect somebody, who would it be? I don't know. You damn well pissed off old Blimmy. He's a possible one. That's a good one.

Otherwise, if anyone got too friendly with you last night, I mean, you got to get close to take your money. Are you friendly with you guys? Not with me. I didn't send any people up to your rooms, because you told me not to pay for it. You're holding your cash, which I've still got, by the way, and the offer still stands.

But. Is there a thieves' guild? Fair offer. I don't know, probably. Rissa, come here. Would you, would you? Rissa comes up. I can help you. Oh, Irina, would you, if Molly was interested, would you like...

Snip his... No, just like... I don't understand what you're trying to imply here. Never mind, never mind. Let's go to Rissa. Rissa just says, what was this? No, seriously, though, what was this? Give her a haircut. What was that? Why is this having sex? How's was this? What was that? Why is this having sex?

How is this this? Don't you guys use scissors when you have sex with each other? Is this a goblin thing? This might be a goblin thing. Stop it. Stop it. Just a bowl of parchment cheers, or anything. Rissa? Do you know of anyone who steals money from drunk people?

Not personally, but I'm sure there are folks out there. Did you see anyone taking our friend's money last night? She rubs her temples, and you can tell she's a little hungover herself, too. She's like, no. Do those two gentlemen come back into the bar at any point? Fitz and Ashton. Fitz and what's his name?

Good call. I saw them come in at one point, but then leave when they noticed I was still hanging with you folks, so thank you for that. I appreciate that. I mean, at the very least, that'll be fun. Man.

Do we have any other questions to ask? Who are you all attracted to? Do you guys like me? That's what I was trying to get to. Wait, us? Yeah, do you like us? We have to answer, too. Yeah, because you're standing next to me anyway.

If you're within 15 feet. You're not my type. Okay, so if all the rest of you are in the area? Everybody's my type. I was at the door, I don't know how big the place is. If anybody else steps into that zone, you have to make a saving throw. I was going to do something before

just to do it, but she did. What was your question? Who are you attracted to? Do you like me? Are we friends? Do you really like me and stuff? Make a saving throw. That was a layer of questions.

I like you, you're nice. Really? Yes. Charisma, right? Yeah. What is it, charisma saving throw? 16. Yeah, you resisted. I like you a lot. Here's the deal.

Has there been a raise in criminal activity? Is there something in the town that would start provoking people to want to pickpocket more? Is the rise in the war effort bringing people down? There's got to be some reason. Marissa goes like, I mean, it's possible, I imagine. People are distracted, they're working hard,

they're having to push out, double-time a lot of their work to get things out of the front lines. It's possible. What is that saying? I feel like Flitz. Whoever took our purses has our drink tokens, too. They do have our drink tokens, I was in the band. You didn't need to remind her,

she's ready to pop as it is, all right? Well, I'm just saying that if drink tokens come back to the bar. Then you know. I wouldn't come back the next night if it were me. I would want to make sure that we were gone. But somebody's got them. Yeah.

Irina. How could they even use them, because only the winners, the winners that everyone saw won them. They're probably not going to use them, they're just one drink. It's not the, they would keep all the hundreds of gold. I would keep it, though.

But I think that could be a better target for your lost object spell. That's what I was thinking. Because it probably blends in. Are they the same sort of shape as regular coins? They are, but they're wooden and a little bit bigger than an actual gold coin. Any time I've stolen something I couldn't use later,

I've always kept it for sentimental reasons. I'm not sure why. Yeah, it's a prize. It is. It's a reminder of your good job. You can't throw it away, can you? That's smart. Scott, should I cast it?

I don't steal any more, much. Sometimes. I don't know. God. Irina. Yes, whatcha askin'? Do you have any new staff members? Hey, you.

No, it's just me and Sid. At this point, Sid brings out the last of the food. The male gnome who you saw when you first entered is like,. So all of your food is ready. Enjoy. You mentioned being able to get us friends and other type of services.

Where do you find those resources? Through a friend of mine. What's her name? Why are you asking me all these questions? I didn't send anyone up to your room, and I'm not going to spill all of my business propositions your direction. I don't think you did any of that at all.

I just think you might know who did. Even if you don't consciously know, think you have an idea. Don't really, lass. She's telling the truth. Yeah, do you give a shit about our problems? No. There you go.

Rhys, do you know where this Ashton and Fitz stay? She just nods and takes another sip of her morning coffee and goes, Hey, they're about two blocks down from my father's shack. A couple of kids that, although this hour, they're probably working at the anvil. If I wanted to go hawk some stolen goods,

where would I go? I don't know, I haven't hawked stolen goods around here. I'm sorry. Nobody has to hawk. One more question. Still, it's Jason. You have both wrists. I remember. Where does the pianist live?

What, of the band? Yeah, the guy playing the piano. Here, is there room on the third floor? Well, maybe if I cast Locate Object. Maybe. We'll find out. What's his name? We never asked. He was really talented, though.

I mean, like, super duper. He was... Weimar. Weimar. Made him flip a page for that one. It did, yeah. Exciting. Why don't we start by going around

where Fitz and Ashton lived, and then maybe we can pay a little visit to Rhys's pops. We'll go to the, yeah, she said her pops' place. We'll go, and I'll cast Locate Object, and maybe we'll just pass by something. I wanted to meet Pops anyway. He sounds interesting. She's like,

All right. Fair warning. Pardon. Rough morning. Yeah, we feel that. So where are you on? Are you looking for the boys at the Steelbringer's Forge first, or going to Pops' place? We'll go to your father's place first. I think we'll maybe, just if we're in the mood,

hop into their place by then. They're not home, perhaps. Who, what? The Fitz and that guy? Okay, well, follow me, follow me. She gets up and finishes her coffee, sets it back down. You guys take whatever scraps remain of your breakfast and make your way back out into the street.

Pocket Bacon, before we leave, I ask Yrena, who's still in the Zone of Truth, are you really interested in Fjord, or are you just flirting with him because, you know, it makes you some money and stuff? Both? I'm a businesswoman. No, I'm not. But I've got my needs.

Oh, okay. Thank you. I guess we'll okay the object on the coins. Already? We're not there yet. Now? Okay. The last 10 minutes. Okay. What if it's in the tavern still? Makes sense.

Okay, so you cast it here in the tavern. You're not getting anything. Let's run! We're going to put you on a cart and we're going to take the cart. I feel like we'll walk faster than the cart will go. Will we walk faster than the cart will go? I mean, in the town, getting the cart around can be a bit of a pain. It's comparable, but you also have to deal with the cart. So it's your choice.

Let's walk quickly! Yeah. All right, so with that, Rissa leads you further through the shelf. At this point, once again, the town is fairly quiet, and most folks that you do see in the street are in the process of carrying supplies. There are a few horse-drawn carts that have stacks of metal ingots

that are being taken from above or below or vice versa. You can see partially made metal plates and curved structures of larger things that are being developed and created separately and then all being brought to a singular location, probably down near the artillery yard. It's a very interesting black and white day and night separation

of how the people live in the city. A short jaunt around, probably the spell does fade before you get there, but you're still not picking up any blip. About a few minutes after the spell fades, you get to the outside of a small shack. It's got metallic siding that are rivets into it. You see it has a roof that is metal sheets. There is a smoke stack on top that is giving out this lazy smoke drip that makes its way into the sky, and a sign out front that says Tinkertop Inventions. When we get there after our run, I chuck up a little salsa into the back of my throat and swallow it.

Really? All right. She goes,, rolls her eyes. Rolls her eyes and knocks on the metallic door. Yes, come in. Dad, it's me. I have some friends here. They just want to say hi. I got thieved. Oh, that's all right, come on in, certainly. She opens the door and on the inside, you already hear what sounds like the whirring

of hundreds of tiny clockwork objects. On the inside, you can see, wall to wall, clocks of all sizes. Some broken, springs exposed, some that are fixed and just clicking away, some that have small sculptures that move in a circle around a central area. You can see what looks to be partially made pulleys. You can see small toys that are set up on the corner, some wooden, some metal, and all of

them seem to have some sort of built-in clockwork locomotion to them, though they are currently still. There are two sets of lanterns that are hanging in the back, giving the faint light, which is as you enter, giving this dark silhouette to a lot of these objects. But as you walk into the light and look behind you, you can see the detail work in them. They're very beautiful and very well made. It's at that point you hear a, and you glance over and you can see, hopping up and down, running his hand like this. This older gnome character with patches of white, gray hair, this big bush of a white beard. It's well trimmed up here,

then comes to a point in the bottom. It's very, very large spectacles with a number of smaller and even smaller lenses in the front of it. He's currently wearing what looks to be a leather apron and sleeves that are rolled up, and one of his hands is currently now bleeding on the edge, and he's like, Ah! Tell me sorry about that. Come forward, come forward. You said you're the friends of my last there. How you doing, what's your names? Morning, we're the Mighty Nein.

We had the pleasure of meeting your daughter yesterday. She showed us a great time last night. Oh, did you, dear? That's so nice, you're making friends. But it's like, Dad, please stop it. Look, they just want to come by. They had some questions, I think. Do what you're going to do, please. We can get going. How close are we to the other house at this point?

The boys. Probably not within a thousand feet. The boys are, she mentioned earlier, a few blocks down, or a few buildings down from where you are. You say, well, at the very least, let me introduce myself. I'm Master Maker Clef Tinkertop. Clef or Cliff? Clef. Clef.

I was excited to see what sort of stuff that might be. Creator and experimenter of all things metallic and clicking. Your shop is beautiful. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. So yeah, what can I do for you? Any little toys that Kiri would like? What's, uh?

Kiri's our little daughter has a bird. Kiri is right here. Look over and Yasha's still behind. Kiri goes. That's a mighty still behind. I hear a. That's a mighty big bird! She's a little girl. She leans forward, looks up to him. She's a mighty big bird!

He's like, that's a nice trick on that one. I like that. She's really talented. Do you like? He pulls this small contraption. It's actually a miniature version of what you saw, those large bolt throwers that were being constructed up front, where it has this bowed art and there's a small, what looks like a blunted stick in it. He goes,

All you do is pull back on this trigger. It fires off, narrowly missing the side of Beau's head. Hits something and you hear glass shatter in the background. He goes, Oh, maybe not that one. Put some power. Then hands something over to Kiri, accepts it. There's a moment where things are just awkward and there's a tension you're about to go for, it opens up. From the inside, you see this tiny metallic bird, its wings flap up and down, and the music box begins to play. Kiri, looking at this, begins mimicking exactly the sound of the music box. It's almost one beat behind it until it synchronizes, and she's mimicking at such an

incredibly fast pace behind it that they're almost in unison it until it synchronizes, and she's mimicking at such an incredibly fast pace behind it that they're almost in unison, until eventually it slows down and comes to a stop. And Kiri looks back to you. You like it? How much is that? Oh, that one, it's a beautiful piece. I'll be happy to let it go for about three gold pieces.

Three gold pieces. I think that's worth it, Ciaran. Yes, yes. Okay, okay, three gold pieces. There's a whole smattering of cool contraptions, now that you're looking at the back, too. Some that look like armaments, almost. some that look like they're the insides of larger machine pieces. What's the thing you're most proud of? Oh, I...

Proud of now? I have one thing I'm working on. If you want to see it. Oh, absolutely. Okay, okay, okay. Now, I mean, hoping that they'd pay attention to this, since, you know, the whole war is going on. I think it'd be quite useful.

I've kind of lost some good favor with folks in power, but I hope maybe this'll turn my fortune around. He goes around and goes off the shelf and pulls this down, and what looks to be, it looks like a bow of some kind, a small bow that's affixed to this large device. It looks like a crossbow, but it's got a heavy crank on one side, and it has what looks to be all these extra grooves put in where it's easy to assemble a bolt in there. The actual shaft of it is made of this polished, treated wood with metal casing where the grip is.

It's like a half-clockwork gear-based crank hand crossbow. Repeating crossbow, baby. It's a repeating crossbow. How does it work? Well, you load the bolt into here, and you crank it back real fast, and it's like, easy crank, so it's like, probably have to oil this, crank it back real fast, and it's like, as he cranks it, he's like, probably have to oil this.

Crank it, and you just release. And this one goes, just parting Caleb's hair into the roof above. How many gold is that toy? This one, you see, I had a friend of mine go ahead and help prepare it with some magical enchantment. So this one. What the fuck was that?

I don't know, it sounded like a shower. Like a manatee was at the table. I call this one the Tinkertop Bolt Blaster 1000. Wow! What happened to the other 999s? Certainly happy to have them. How much is it? This one runs just over 2,000 gold.

Whoa, that is a lot of gold. It's my prototype, so if I'm going to let it go. Am I allowed to rob him? No. No. Vistal's like, Dad, they don't want it, it's fine. No one wants all your bullshit, please. It's true, it actually is, please. It's pretty cool.

It actually is quite impressive. You wouldn't say that if you'd known what some of his other things have done, and he gets quiet for a second and recoils, quietly hurt, and goes, It comes with the job sometimes. Not everything works out like you hope. You said you'd lost some favor with people in power. I don't mean to pry, but would you mind sharing what happened?

And Rist is like, You don't have to answer. We can go find the boys. He's like, It's all right, it's all right. Make a persuasion check. Oh, Jesus. Come on, man. Shamaune.

Oh, yeah, that's a 20. 20? You see his trepidation there and he goes, Yeah, you look like you've got an honest face. So I was working on a job here for the wardens of the Gearhole prison down below. I was helping them and came up with, at their request, what would be a clockwork warden.

Something that could help keep watch over some of the more dangerous and difficult inmates of the prison below. And I did it. I was very proud of it. dangerous and difficult inmates of the prison below. And I did it. I was very proud of it. And on its first foray, it had some faults I didn't see coming, and we couldn't control it, and it began to just destroy whatever was in its way. You are speaking of an automaton?

More or less. Did it kill people? What a word. They tell me. They keep it down there still. They've sealed it off, and it's just been there for the better part of about two years. And every now and then, they like to remind me.

I didn't mean anything bad by it. I was just doing my job, and I was very proud of my work. I didn't see the problems there, and I didn't. I was just trying to help. How do they remind you? They come by and tell me. Were there punishments levied against you? Thankfully, not many.

I'm still paying off my fine. They were going to try and destroy the thing, but unfortunately, they've had to allocate their attention to many places, and now with the war coming, I don't know if they'll ever get to it, but as long as it's down there, it's just a black spot on my name and her name. And Rissa goes like,

Dad, just please stop it. You could destroy it. Or get it back for you. And then you could give us the crossbow. I don't want to send any more people to their death, at the very least. I don't even know if- We're strong their death, at the very least. We're strong. Yeah, we're kind of death adverse.

Plus, you know, we would love to pay for your crossbow, but we're currently light. Fuckin' broke. All of our money was stolen. All of their money was stolen. I was sober. Good for you. Thank you. Learned lesson for the rest of you.

It was a choice, you know? Everybody else was like, let's get drunk, and I was like, that is really bad, and I should probably stay sober. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. I mean, that's very kind of folks that just wander in here not but a few moments ago.

Do I know? What would you do if you had the thing back, or? I don't want it back, I just want it gone. I want it destroyed, I want it taken care of and buried. I don't want to touch it or... Wait, who wandered in here before? You. Yeah, us. Yeah, he was just talking about us.

Are you afraid? You're still drunk on here. Are you afraid this clockwork warden could be used for malign purposes? I don't think it could be used for anything but just killing what's in front of it right now. So they have it penned in, but it is out of their control? From what I know, you'd have to go ask the Warden Helm,

but I don't go down their places. I mean, I can't expect you to do something like that. It's very sweet of you to offer. No, it's tit for tat. I mean, in this case, we're short on coin, and you make mighty fine objects. Seems to have got the eye of most of our group. I mean, in a theoretical space,

which is where I live most of my days, if you were to put this blight to rest, I'd be happy to give this to you free of charge, and my thanks. We will take it under consideration. And just while we're talking, you wouldn't happen to know of any criminal undergrounds, thieves guilds, pickpocketers, people of the night?

I don't. Rumors of shadows. I don't delve in those places, I'm sorry. Vampires, zombies. Well, let's. I don't know what's going on. What are you? It's okay, calm down, calm down. Cliff, you also have simple arms?

Yeah, Cliff, Cliff. Well, I. Okay, Cliff. I'll say, Clef. I deal with more detailed arms. If you're looking for simple, you're probably going to go to the Steelbringers Forge. And Risa goes, that's where the boys will probably be. That's where they work.

That's where the boys will probably be. The anvil. Clef, you know, you seem to have a fine eye and talent for mechanical devices. Thank you, thank you very much. Do you ever have any need of alchemical combinations with your mechanical devices? I'm always looking for fine oils. Dogwork tends to need to be lubricated. I think I have a little oil. If you need it, as a sign of good faith.

I think I did. Didn't we get oil at some point? I don't think so. I threw mine in a troll. Great. Oh wait, no, I have holy water. That is not the same thing. That's all right, don't worry about it, that's okay. If you come across some oil, I could use it. All right. Rissa, I like your friends.

She's like, thank you, Dad. You raised her good, she's been taking good care of us. Have you found work yet? No, Dad, I'm working on it. Ooh, awkward. She's working for us. Right, I am working on it. Awkward. She's working for us. Right, I am working for them. At the moment.

Good, good. Proud of you. Subcontractor work isn't too bad of a living. No, no, it's still a living. That's more than some folks in the Empire can say. We need her social security number for our 1099, by the way. I believe she's incorporated. She's incorporated, so. Any good gnome is incorporated.

I mean, that's a cultural thing. Fucking Hupperduke bureaucracy. 13th birthday, they get their S-Corp set up, it's great. Okay, okay, okay. Clef, we appreciate your time. We are going to venture out. Of course, I expect nothing. I really appreciate you being so kind, and good luck.

Our compliments on your work, it was truly spectacular. Take care of my Risanya. She's like, Risanya! There it is. Risanya! That was what I was hoping for. That was what I was hopingania! There it is. Rhysania! That was what I was hoping for. That was what I was hoping for, and it happened. Rhysania. You can see her shiver the door,

and then just run out. Good boy, take care! Something shoots out of her. Oh, Jemmys! As you all leave, exit out, and she's out there fuming outside. He's adorable!

He's something. He's certainly something. As we leave, I grab the bolt that he shot into the wall over Caleb's head. Okay. You pocketed a bolt. Pocket a bolt. Pocket a bolt. Pocket a bolt. Pocket a bolt. So, Lasagna, should we try and find our way over to the... Steelbringer's Forge?

Yeah. Right, right. Come on. I'll lead you over to the... Steelbringer's Forge? Yeah. Right, right, come on, I'll lead you over to where the boys are. You going to rough them up again? They're only a couple blocks away. Right, right, right in the corner. Come on, come on, I'll show you. Should I try casting it again?

Yes. Yes, yes. Not yet. As we walk over there, I say, hey, Reesa. Hi. You got a good dad. He really loves you. I know, he's just,

he's difficult at times, and you know, it's hard to scrape under a family name when it's been through the wringer. Well, sometimes family names aren't all that they're cracked up to be. She gives you a look over. I agree. What's more important is that he really cares for you.

Don't take that for granted, all right? I slap her on the back and keep walking. Yeah, and the fact that you know him is really cool, too. Anyway. Wow, so many daddy issues. Me and Jester hold hands and we skip off. You guys are led down past a few buildings and then around the corner, and you can see,

while most of the heavy metal works is done down below on the ground floor of the base of the mountain, the more refined metal works are done down below on the ground floor of the base of the mountain. The more refined metal works are done up here on the shelf. And as you approach, you can already see the Steelbringers Forge, which has a number of shields and swords on display, armor bits, and you can see simple tools are crafted here. And as you step, already looking into the main chamber door,

which is open, because it's just so hot in there, they have to keep a breeze going through, There are two forges going at any given point in time. There are two anvils set up. You see a few gnomes at work. Indeed, you do see both Fitz and Ashton are both working as assistants. They're not actually banging the hammer, but they're both helping move things and crouching into the water, and then helping gather materials and holding the metal and rotating it on the anvil as their bosses are hammering down. They don't seem to notice your arrival.

I use thaumaturgy to make it sound like whispers of infernal all around them. Ping! Ping! Y'all see a sound. Hold back, boys! You see there's one male gnome and one female dwarf that are both sitting there, grabbing their nearby warhammers, look around, they look over and see the shadows in the corner.

What beast brings their way into our workplace? Name yourself! Ohai! They look at each other. The dwarf female just goes, goes back to work. You see the two assistants look over and go, and just put their heads down and keep just focused on their work.

The gnome says, take a break. Hi, can we help you? We're here to talk to those two. What did you do? What did you do? And he slaps with the cloths. Shit! He's just like,

What did the boys do? What'd they do? They might have been party to a crime, we don't know. We're investigators. You can see across the way, Ashton's like, and the dwarf goes, Well then, best go talk to them. Gives him a little kick to the side.

They both take their hammers down, they take the metal off and put it back in the forge to heat, and they both rest and cross their arms and just watch. The two boys look at each other and sheepishly step forward. Hi, miss. What can we do to you? What Hi, hi, miss, what can we do? What you asking about? Yeah, what can we do? We're talking here, we're going to take them outside.

Marissa goes, I don't know. Kind of like to do it in a place of business, that way we can keep it above the board, you know? Indeed, I'm sure their employers are not fond of that. Thieves in their midst. I look back at the boys and I say, sit the fuck down. Maybe, I'm tired.

They both grab nearby stools and sit down. Here's the deal. This guy's super fucking charming. He's going to talk to you first. Ha ha ha! You don's going to talk to you first. You don't want to talk to me. She's not charming. At all.

At least. Deal? Deal. Deal. My man of fort is up. I weave my hands to the bed and say, I suggest you help this one find the things that we are looking for, and I cast Suggest.

Okay. What's the DC on that? That is 16. Wisdom. One of them? Which one? Ashton or Fitz? Fitz. All right. Yeah, Fitz did seem like a prick.

I like that it was not even a question. Fitz was like the leader. Fitz looks at you and goes like, and looks right to Fjord, the spell seemingly taking effect. I crack my knuckles, intimidate him a bit from behind. Fitz, I understand that you might have been felt a little slighted by last night's encounter.

Oh, oh, no, you know, I'm just, uh. You could talk. What I want to know is, when you came back into the bar last night, did you see fit to rummage your way through some good, hardworking people's coin purses? His eyes go wide. No, no, not at all. No, I earned my money. How about your friend Ashton over there? Ashton looks back. No, sir, we were just looking. We were just joshing. We were just playing with the rest and that was all.

I pull out my staff, do a cool little flourish. See, now we're in a dangerous territory, because once that staff comes out, she's got to hit something with it, and it's not going to be me. Listen, Fitz, the best thing you can do here is rack your brain real hard and think, have you ever seen anyone around that establishment

that might take advantage of some people enjoying some good imbibements? Oh. Oh Fitz, tick tock, tick tock. I don't know, maybe. Take us a few steps forward. Oh no. Make an intimidation check.

Oh jeez. No. This is really my strongest ever. Oh jeez. Oh no. This is really my strongest side. I know, it's mine. I think you both make one, because you're doing it together. Okay. Together, okay.

That's about 13. Yeah. 16. All right, they both look at each other and like, Um, I mean, there are probably some people who could have taken things, I don't know. You look at the shady folk, and they're all the time. But we don't have your money. I swear I didn't do anything. Making kids cry. It's amazing.

Ashton's like, come on, get it together! And Kixum's like, we're being completely honest. We saw nothing, we took nothing. We were just getting our ox off, freaking people out, and then we went back and got some drinks. Don't know anyone else that has made a habit of doing this regularly, though. Not personally, no. Most of them just end up in the gear hole.

Should I pour this vial of acid on them? You might get it ready Nott, I feel like we're just not getting anywhere here. Do you know where old Blammy is from? They both look at each other like, well, originally he used to be an ice sailor up north by Icehaven, but he retired like 10 years ago. No, no, no!

I don't know right now! By the way, ice sailor sounds like the coolest job. What do you mean? Ice sailor would be a person that forges the frozen depths up north. Whoa! It's the thing people you see on Deadliest Catch. It's that kind of job.

It's mixed with ice road truckers. Sure. Fitz, I'm going to talk to my colleague here. It's that kind of job. It's mixed with ice road truckers. Sure. Fitz, I'm going to talk to my colleague here. If you move, Beau's going to take your head off. Don't move. I think we've got him right where we want him. Just fucking act like you don't like what I'm saying.

Just look agitated. Okay. Look more agitated right now. More grimace. Give me nostrils. Nasal labial fold. Really work it, there it goes. All right, I talk to her, Fitz, listen. She will stay her staff if, in the next 24 hours,

you work your ass off and you find out who took our money. Okay, okay. God, it's just, god, my staff is just vibrating. Easy, Beau, remember what you said. I don't know about this, Fjord. This is not going to go well for you unless you can produce some results. Looks to Beau, remember what you said. I don't know about this, Fjord. This is not going to go well for you unless you can produce some results. Looks to Ash, Ash will take it.

Okay, no, we'll ask around, we'll do it. That's okay. With the bosses, when, like. You can go ahead and look when you're done with the forge. When the whistles blow, have at it. But Fitz, I suggested you do everything in your power to help my friend Fjord, and for the next eight Fitz, I suggested you do everything in your power to help my friend Fjord, and for the next eight hours,

that is what you will do. They're going to get fired. Fitz is like, I have to work. It's my livelihood. Well, if you got to work, you got even less time. Better be motivated. And you know, in this case, I would weigh between your livelihood and your life. Can't have one without the other.

Oh no, you guys, you guys. What? What's wrong? The spirits are pretty crushed right now, and they're both like... I'm going to get fired. Do you feel bad? I do. All right, how much do these young men make in a day here? They both look at each other.

Oh, on a good day, we give them about a gold for a day's work. Yeah. I want this one particularly working now. So why don't we stake their salary for the day? We take care of that, double it even. We need these two. We pay for the loss of their work today.

They nod, the gnome steps forward, takes the coin, if you present it. We don't have any. Oh god, guys. All right, so that's four gold, because it's two of them for two gold. Goes, okay, so you boys go get your work done here. We'll find some replacements,

and you hope they aren't better than you are. And the boy's like, yes, yes sir, yes sir. Right, come here. I rack my staff on the floor and I said, I can fucking move in there! They get up and they grab their stuff and then just dart out into the street. Excellent.

Did I shoot them down while they run? Not yet, not yet. The two forge workers. No. No, not yet. There's a pause, like the two workers at the forge look at each other and look at you guys and go, Pfft. the two workers at the forge look at each other and look at you guys and go, Pfft.

I'm not going to like this. These boys are going to be pissing their pants for a week after that. That was enjoyable. It might scare them straight. I hope so, they need it. They're a couple of pissants. Anyway, we've got to go find some replacements,

but thank you for helping out with the transition, at least. It's our pleasure. We hate to bother you, also, but we did actually get robbed, and if you have any idea where we should start looking to actually. Everyone. Yeah, everyone.

They both look at each other and be like, um, maybe... That's down at the assembly yard. There's a bunch of weird folks that wander down there. A lot of weird folks. A bunch of the lifelong industrial hammer workers. Not a lot of craft and skill. Mine gets a bit addled.

Bless you. Thank you. Gores, gores. Anyway, we've got to go. Get back to work. We take our leave. All right, you guys wander outside. On the way out, can I just ask that gentleman,

do you make any of those... Fingers. Seers? Those things that we've seen around here? Sisters? Occupied? The pistols. Do you make those here? Oh, no, no, we don't specialize in firearms.

Those are all relegated by the Empire. Those are designed down in the Assembly Garden. Oh, thank you. Good day. Or that would be the... It's all specialty, I'm just saying. The Iron Lot is where that would be made. The Iron Lot.

Yeah, when we were in there, the shields and swords, they looked fairly standard. There were some that were like, holy shit. No, they seem pretty standard and well-made. Looks like a lot of places like this are in the process of developing weaponry, not just for home use, but probably sending it out for the field. Yeah.

Reesa, how far are we from this assembly yard? She goes, the assembly yard is down in the bottom half of the city, so it's about, say about an hour, hour and a half walk. Just out of curiosity, the Silver Falls, the residential area, how far is that? Oh, that's that way, about 25 minutes to get to the actual falls themselves.

See the little towers over there? Those are where all the homes are assembled in that place. Old blemish over in the Silver Falls, that residential area, do we want towers over there? Those are where all the homes are assembled in that place. Well, Blemmy's over in the Silver Falls, that residential area. Do we want to go there? The list of suspects is as follows. Oh shit. The pianist, Blemmy, Rissa, the girl.

The little girl that was asking for money. Fitz and Ashton, we've eliminated as possible suspects. Fitz and Ashton, really, eliminated as possible suspects Fitz and Ashton. Really? They're really lame. The pianist. Why? Because you did locate object within his... You're right, that's true. We did do that. Rissa, because she was in Zone of Truth. That leaves our suspects. Blemmy! And the girl.

But we have no leads on the girl, correct? No one saw her, knows her name. Blimmy might know the girl. I saw her. You did? But I did not ask her name. But she has your copper pieces. I gave her her silver! You did.

Yeah, one. You did. Could you find those specific silver pieces? Or the money she stole from us. Do you bite your silver pieces before you put them in your coin purse? Yeah, did you lick it? But I do draw dicks on a lot of my money, but I don't think I did it to those ones. Little tiny dicks? Well, I have really good paint, you know, so. So we go find Blammy.

Silver Falls. Yeah. Silver Falls. That's the residential area. Little tiny dicks. Well, I have really good paint, you know, so. So we go find Blammy. Silver Falls. Yeah. Silver Falls. That's the residential area. That's the residential area. 25 minutes away. Like a Finger Towers apartment.

We can keep asking if anyone, has anyone had anything purchased? That was a lot of money. With dicks on it. That too. No, wait, because they didn't steal my money. Yeah, there was a way to ask about large. I have a whole pouch full of money, you guys.

If you could ask about large purchases, that would be a good idea. Big pouch. Silver Falls? Silver Falls! It's for Silver Falls. Silver Falls. All right, so Rissa guiding you guys back,

you manage to make your way outside of the main idol shelf area and in towards the cluster of the Silver Falls,. As you approach, you can see the beautiful, very wide waterfall that cascades down about a thousand feet across the mountainside until eventually it falls into this large lake where you can see columns of steam are rising up. The closer you get, you begin to realize that there is an element of this lake, this waterfall, and some sort of a steam engine-type mechanism built into the surrounding rock that they use to fuel the furnaces and elements of the technology within the city. As you begin to hit the residential area, you can see these large, somewhat crooked-looking towers that themselves are maybe what would be the equivalent of 1,500 to 1,000 square foot

apartments, but stacked four or five on top of each other with spiraling stairs on the outside to go to each level. There aren't a lot of folks currently at home, other than stay-at-home dads or moms that are watching children, some folks that are putting out laundry on lines that are connecting between multiple towers and dangling up two or three stories above the street. But they're all made of dark irons and blacker metals, so it gives the district this very weirdly... what's the word I'm looking for, a whimsical industrial evolution feel. It's a unique mixture. A mixture of sweets. Kind of. Or a hint of Howl's Moving Castle in places.

But there's also that spray of the waterfall hitting the lake behind, which gives occasionally this light misting of water through the air. You can see faint bits of rainbow that come through where the mist hits the sunlight as it makes its way across the waterfall spray. You said the waterfall goes up a thousand feet, and the apartments don't go as high as that? No, not at all. If I got in the middle of the area and cast Locate Object, it would do a really big radius.

It would reach at least the top of the buildings. Oh yeah, very much so. Let's go. Okay. Okay, so as you make your way through, you're not entirely sure where Old Lemmy is, but you make your way towards where the middle, Rissa says, of the district is.

Keeping an eye out for old, craggly sailor types. Sure, make a perception check. Oh, me? Yep. Should I cast Locate Object while we're walking around? Only if you, can you, hey, you'd be able to cast it again? Yeah, I mean, if I use a ball of my spells today as like this kind of thing.

Why don't you? It's a second level spell. Do you want to cast it again or not? Again. Just while we stroll through the town? Through the residential. Through the residential. Sure. You're calm, man.

I guess. I mean. What are you searching for? The drinking coins, right? Yeah, the tokens. The tokens? I think that's the best way to go. Cast a spell. Okay, so you go ahead and cast Locate Object. You concentrate and focus, extending your consciousness,

focusing on one of these wooden tokens, the one that was won by one of the members of your party. You get a blip. Behind you, not quite in the district, but right where the Idleworks shelf transitions into the residential area on the Idleworks shelf, you get... I turn around and start running towards it. You guys see Chase.

Follow her, she's a bloodhound! All right. Kind of throwing up over here. You guys dart after Jester, making your way down the road, running. You're closing the distance, closing the distance, closing the distance. You weave through a couple buildings,

you're out of the residential part of the district again, and you're back into the idle shelf, but on the very, very back end of it, there's warehouses and there's small buildings, and eventually you come to the destination. It looks like it's a small building. There's a sign out front that just says, Butcher, and it's boarded up. Yep, that motherfucker had a leather apron with shitty-ass sleeves. Was he plummy? Was he plummy? No, it was the apron with shitty-ass sleeves. Was it Blummy? No, it was the guy with the nasty fucking beard. They all had nasty beards! Duncan, Vulcan, Ruth, and Tanya!

Duncan! That was his name, right? The guy that you drink across. We should probably keep our voices down in this street talk. Was Duncan the nerdy guy? The first guy was Duncan. Valken was the nerdy guy. Okay. Valken was the next guy. Oh, Valken was the guy that fought Caleb. Okay, let's go. Should we just go in? No, no. Who's going to guard the back?

The back? Oh, we're going to circle around? Fuck yeah, we're, yeah. If she's getting a beacon. You can see Kiri pulls out a knife and goes, I can send a message. Oh no, no, no. Kiri, This is where we're stealthy, all right? Knife goes away. Do we want to send

a knife or a cat in? Is there a roof to this thing? There is a roof, yeah. Two-story coaster? Yeah. It's one story, it's not a huge building. It's maybe three rooms. I parkour on the roof? Nope. Okay, make a necrobot. Maybe three rooms. I parkour on the roof? Nope.

Okay, make an acrobatics. Can we surround it first? Jesus! She hops up there and I run around the back. Okay. I will just stay in that one. Nice. 25. All right, you guys surround it.

Are there any chimneys, soft spots in the floor, skylights? There isn't a skylight, per se, but you do see there is what looks to be an exhaust, like this little smokestack that's about maybe three feet wide or so, two and a half feet wide. I'm going to peek in. Can I see down? Yeah, make a perception check.

Is it on? I mean, you can see by now. Okay, okay, okay. 14. 14. Glancing inside, it's dark, except for you can see the little beams of light, sunlight, that are coming through the slats of wood on the roof.

Goggles. Glancing inside, looking through, you can see four figures in there that are currently just not moving, and they're all clustered together in the far corner. What do they look like? They look gnome in size. Okay.

They're just huddled together, you said? They're huddled together, and they're not moving. I will take out my wire and whisper to Beau. They're starting to look around like they might have heard a noise. A whisper to Beau when and we're using message. What do you see? You can reply to this message. Four individuals huddled around. They're either the assholes or hostages, it's hard to say. Or tangos.

Should we all go in at the same time? Oh, you can't hear me. We're not messaging together. No. I'm just talking to myself. Hey. I'm going to... You don't know what you're doing. Is there a door or a window on the back at all, or is it just like... I'm just talking to myself. Hi. Hey. Hi. I'm going to... You don't know what you're doing. Is there a door or a window on the back at all, or is it just like... No, there's a door in the front

and a door at the back. The door in the front is a sectional door. There's a top and a bottom. Looks like it can be opened separately to sell out or wants to bring and sell meat over that side. The back is just a general door. It looks to almost like a storage space or a back entry to it.

Outstanding. No open windows. Should we draw them out? There are windows, but they're boarded over. All of them. Yeah. All of us should go in. We're just going to bust in? What if they have traps and bombs? I'm going to very gingerly lean over the edge of the roof

where Fjord is, and I'm going to say, on the boom. Okay. I'm going to go back over to the chimney, very gingerly, pull out one of the firecracker, one of the bottle rockets, just light it with a tinderbox, and drop it in. Awesome.

Is the chimney wide enough for me to fit in? You can try. Sand claw style? You can try, yeah. You can certainly try. There was a back door, too? Yeah. He's at the back door, and you're at the front.

It goes off, and the inside, there's a flash of light. You hear screams. You guys all burst inside, as you break through the doors. Wood splinters on the inside, light breaks in, and in the corner, you can see what looks to be four gnomish children, two of them teenage, two of them younger, all scared out of their minds.

The teenagers are trying to protect the two younger ones, and you can see a pile of gold around them on the ground, and they're just like, It's the children. Easy, easy, easy. We're not going to hurt you. I will kill them. No, no, no, no, no. It's fine. You're not in any danger.

You see there is a gnome girl, equivalent of 17 or so, with very brown, curled hair. It's this uncontrolled mass, dirty on the cheek. You see a younger boy with short red hair as the other protector of the two. Their clothes are pretty dirty. Then there's the younger girl that you saw wandering through the tavern, who's on the ground clutching what looks to be a stuffed bear. Did I say it right away? I said it right away! You see a boy that's a little older than her, about nine, you would say, equivalent, with very long brown hair that's going up the shoulders. They all look scared.

Detective agency always gets their man. Always gets their man. It's all right. Hey, I know you, I saw you. Right? I gave you some money. She's not talking. You stole from our friend. You went down a chimney. Not in character.

Is that a wrong part? I totally thought you were just doing this and went down the chimney. As I cough my way down the chimney, I'm coming! You look up and she's like. Comes up to the bottom, big old bloom of soot, yeah. It's just covered. I'm a little late and I look at the girl and I say, It was you! No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry. You can see the older girl. Look, we don't mean nothing. We're just trying to get by, okay? We didn't realize how much you had on you, and to be honest, it was both exciting and scary. Just don't hurt anyone, please. I'm not going to hurt you. Just give it all back.

Oh, your last bite's passed. Give it back. Take it. No parents at all? They all look sad for a moment, say, not for a little while. How much have you hoarded up here? Just us or more?

We've scrambled coins here and there over time, you know, keep on by. Most everyone here only keeps a few coins in their pockets. It's our surprise when this came about and the younger boy goes like, yeah, we don't expect this kind of a payload. How old are you? The older girl goes, Oh. I'm Gale. I'm about 17. Gale!

The older boy goes, I'm Austin. The little boy with the longer curly hair goes, I'm Jude. And the older girl points to the little girl and goes, That's Laelah. You said you haven't had your parents around for a while now, what happened to them?

They look at each other and the older boy steps forward and goes, well, they got arrested. For doing what? Got arrested for idol worship, false worship. Here, at Hupperdook. What god were they worshiping? Was it the Traveler? No, the Changebringer.

The Changebringer. Vondra, it's been in the family for a long time. Every six months, the the tithe collectors come through and they noticed we had forgotten to put away their idol worship and they locked them up. They had forgotten to put away their idol worship. They locked them up. They've been in the gear hole ever since.

Tithe collectors. You know about this, those of you who've been in the Empire. Part of living in the Empire is, about every six months or so, there's a tax man, a tithe collector that goes through, usually with a couple crowns guard. You recognize them by black cloak with gold trim, usually dark clothing, and they go building a building, business to business, inspect ledgers, ask about their business, look at the means in which they're living,

and then make an estimation of what they owe. They then collect the money and then move on their way. But it's also, and you know this, especially in your studies, this is also used as a means of inspecting for any illegal activity, anything that goes against the crown, and often a lot of people get arrested for that. You all brothers and sisters? Aye, we are. And your parents' names?

Gilda and Wallace Schuster, we're Schusters. How long have you been pickpocketing, then? Only about three months. Mostly success at this point. So far, so good. People don't seem to pay much attention to the younger kids. No, well, this is good. This is a very, very valuable lesson here.

If you ever come across a purse like this again, you just take a tiny bit of it and then leave the rest. We just grab it and run. We didn't know how much was here until we got back. Well, then you just bring it back immediately with a small, obviously, UT. Right, right, no, I understand, I understand. Gale says, we understand, Sir, we've learned our lesson.

Yeah, look, because you were so good at your job, keep this, and I hand him 20 gold. Look, I appreciate good work when I see it, all right? You got our shit, that was pretty damn good. Thank you. Gael, you been taking care of your younger siblings this whole time? I've been trying, best we can.

We, you know, parents weren't just butchers, so we had some food to keep us going for a while, but when stuff got thin and begging wasn't working out, we, you know, did what was necessary and I'll do what it takes to make sure my siblings stay healthy. You've been held up here or are you on the move? We've held up here. This is where we grew up. How long before the tithe man comes back?

Any time now, really. It's been six months, but I mean, we ain't much of a business at this time. Is there anywhere they take kids and get separated from their parents, or did they just not care? I hear stories they round them up and throw them to Rexxentrum and orphanages,

and we don't want to go there. So you're just avoiding them. Gilda and Wallace. Gilda and Wallace. Let me ask you, if we were to somehow get your parents out of Gearhold Prison, would you stay here?

How would you intend on getting my parents out of the prison? I'm the one asking questions here. I mean, legally, we'd probably stay here and reopen the shop, you know? You don't seem to be taking my meaning. If we were to reunite you with your folks, would you get out of town right quick? If you were, if it were by means

where people would come looking for us, we would definitely be heading somewhere other than here. Give us a moment, will ya? All right. How soft are you getting there? It's very clear. We have Ciri already. We take these four children with us and we keep going.

Yeah. And we start a children's band. Yeah. Yes. And then, you know, we can teach them the dances that we have been learning and working on. Plus that little smiling guy. If I've learned anything, you don't work with animals

or children and we're rapidly getting both. Hey man, attach them all by chains to your armor and you guys are the new Dread Emperor, I mean. Oh! Oh! Dealers! Yay! Oh. No, but seriously.

Listen, they've obviously done a fair job of taking care of themselves. We could toss them some coin and just wish them well, or... I threw a little. No problem with that. This is good work. If we're serious about returning Clef with his... Yeah. I threw a little, no problem with that. It was good work. Or we could go break their parents out of jail. If we're serious about returning Clef with his... Yeah, we're going to be down there anyway. Might as well see if we can get

a little extra friend or two out. Let's make no promises, but again, let's not... No promises, but man, if we have an opportunity to reunite these kids with their parents, that's a pretty special deed, don't you think? We are so soft. Can I ask a shitty question? Sure. Oh, please.

If we take the time right now to break their parents out and get that automaton, are we going to lose time on the thing for the gentlemen, is the thing? Yes, we are. Man, I entirely forget. But we still have weeks left, don't we? But it's still another three or four days.

You have a means of contacting the gentlemen. You could ask for a three-day extension. I tend to find these sorts of jobs, asking for a three-day extension does not go well. You're given the time, you do the job, you finish it, you don't ask questions, you don't ask for special. Haven't you been working for the circus for two years? That's what I'm talking about.

Well, we've done other, when you're in a circus, sometimes you get paid to do gigs. Things have happened. Okay. I've run a couple things in my time, I mean, not run, but. Insight check. Make an insight check. I think it's do I believe him, right?

Do I believe him? But an inside check has become such a thing. I'm into it. Frustratingly so, yes. But the DM hates it. I find it amusing. I'm sorry. Do I think he's lying?

I'm not, we're a circus, of course we've robbed people. My god, we have robbed, swindled, we've been robbed, we've gone back and found the people who've robbed them. Sometimes we don't. Oh my god, yes. Does that mean that your cards are bullshit? Of course they're bullshit. They're fucking cards. No, they're not. They're super, super, super true. And you're asking if my cards are bullshit? Of course I am asking you.

My cards are not bullshit. See, there's the picture. I want to say insight check so bad, but I won't say it. You won't say it. Caleb, you have a photographic memory as you remind us every session. How long do we have until, how long do we have until our time is up

with the gentlemen? DM will fill that information in. Let's see, we had about three days traveling. Partridge, pear tree. You have, since you left, you have about two and a half weeks, I'll say, estimated at the moment. And how long would it take, do we think, to get up north there if we went straight?

A week? From Hupperduke? Knowing how long it took to get where we are on the map. I'd say off the top of my head, a little under a week to. Under a week? We've got a couple weeks. We've got a day or two to spend on some pretty good stuff.

We've got a day or two to spend on something like this, but not a week. Hang on, hang on. This thing has been a problem for years, the clockwork warden. Why don't we just go, finish our stuff? We have to cross back through here anyway. And come back. And come back and finish the job. Yeah. Yeah, we already have a job.

Beauregard, don't you think they should be reunited with their father, who loves them very, very much and wants to be with them? Of course I do. They've been scrappy for long enough. They can be scrappy for another week or two. They don't even have to be that scrappy now. But they said the Tithe Man could return any day. Take them to an orphanage. What if we come back and they're gone?

It would be horrible if they were taken away from their home and given to some people who would do horrible things to them or mistreat them for their whole childhoods, leaving them as cold, heartless, resting bitches. Didn't you almost open fire on these children not more than 30 seconds ago? That was an intimidation tactic. I would never hurt a child. Of course you would. No, I wouldn't. I love children. That was an accident.

I knew I saw you two. This is why I don't miss the circus. Okay. So what are we doing? It depends on how altruistic this group is. We already have a job. I mean, I will defer to the group, but we have a job and we are on a time period. I would really like the opportunity to leave this place better than we found it, especially for these kids. I'm not saying no. I'm just saying remember that we are hired hands.

I understand. If it goes sideways, it goes sideways and we run, but if we can keep them out of an orphanage, I would be most grateful to all of you. I've done dumber shit. All right. Nott's over here trying to pull my hard strings, but it seems like you should be the target. You have a thing with kids in orphanages. Were you an orphan? Separated from Dad.

Have you ever eaten an orphan? Yeah, so much for sticking to the plan. Were you an orphan? Insight check. Yes. I was. They're terrible fucking places. Sorry.

I'll say no more, I'm in. You know, I'm kind of interested if there's like a master lever to this prison. Just like prison break, see what happens. That sounds like a terrible idea. Maybe we can negotiate our way into the prison and say we'll take care of the automaton and while we're in there, we can negotiate our way into the prison and say we'll take care of the automaton and while we're in there, we can sneak around

and set the parents free. All right, if we do this, I think we need to give ourselves a hard time limit that we all stick to, because the last thing that I want is for the fucking gentleman with his vials of our DNA coming after our asses. Agreed. As long as we give him some notice, I think it will be okay.

I have a feeling the gentleman isn't a guy that negotiates on time periods. The effort is all I ask for. We're a clever group. Surely we can survey, come up with a plan, try something. If we fail, we fail, and we'll move on with our objective. I can't leave here without trying. I would like it to be predicated on us coming up with at least a respectable plan,

not willy-nilly flying with our balls out. I'm also in for a crossbow. I guess it doesn't hurt to ask the gentleman if worse comes to worse. Just remember, you either get a nickname, the Gentleman, either because you are one or because you're really not. Ooh, good point. How about we bring the kids back in, we give them a little coin so they stay out of trouble

for the next day or so. They have 30 gold on them. They got a lot of gold on them. That's a lot of money. And we tell them to stay put unless they're getting food. I'm going to give them, nope, never mind, I'm not going to give them that because that would be a terrible idea. Caleb, how long does your string theory work?

String theory? Eight hours. Eight hours, yeah. What time is it? At this point, it's probably pushing one or two in the afternoon. Do we have any food we can leave for them so they don't have to? I have some human jerky left over. I did pocket some of the breakfast from this morning.

You did, yeah. Do you give that to them? Yeah. The kids hungrily accept and just devour, evenly dividing amongst them. They feed the younger kids first, and then whatever's left over, the older ones take, and they just say, thank you, I really appreciate that.

I've got a good idea. Hmm. Going to give the older one one of my rings. I've got these strange little rings I left over. Keep that on you. Sell it if you have to, but see if you can hold off for a while. If things go wrong, get within a thousand feet

of the blushing of the, uh, uh. Blushing Tavern. Of the Blushing Tavern. And hide and wait to find, and we'll find you. All right. Hide. Keep that in mind, thank you. Thank you kindly. He puts a, was it a ring finger?

Or a finger ring? It's a finger ring, it came from, it came from a, It's a finger ring? It was one of the rings, it was one of the rings we found in the cave. Oh, right, so he puts it over his thumb. It would be for his body and the sides. It goes over his thumb.

It's still a little loose, but it'll stay. That's terrible. Well, thank you. I don't know how I'll repay you, but. Question. What are we going to do with Ciarri right now if we're going down into the jail? I think she has a sleepover

with the girl you found, right? Or with these fabulous kids right now. No, Yasha needs to come with us. We need her help in this. Oh, that's true. Yasha's like, no, if we're going into a prison to kill something, I want to be there. Sorry, forgot what time it was.

Well, we know how much, you know, the prostitutes cost to watch Kiri. Just have it. Or we could drop Kiri off with the little girl that you. Or Kiri can stay here with these wonderful children. She does have a dagger. They are very capable children. Kiri goes, that sounds adorable. Do you want to stay with them?

Okay. Oh my gosh! The children do owe us a little bit. Children owe Schusters. Oh, Schusters! Do you guys want to watch our little friend here as well? You go like, the little girl walks up and touches the feathers, and you see the feathers

on the back of Kiri's head, close her a little bit, and the eyes close for a second, starts scratching the side of her head. She's like you, though, so she's not a pet or anything. She's a real little girl, okay? Hey, Kiri. Don't let her stab anything. Show them your music box.

Ding ding, bee doo. She starts playing and the little girl leans in and they all close in quickly and for a moment you can see this little unit of kids meeting a new friend and a friend meeting new kids, and you're like, okay, they might be okay for a little bit. You take care of each other. You're a little temporary family for now.

He's going to make some protection. Kindar, this thread I am going to put around the chamber that you are living in, and I will know if a Little Feathered friend or you all leave. You're perfectly welcome to. I'm just letting in, and I will know if a little feathered friend or you all leave. You're perfectly welcome to, I'm just letting you know that I will know, yeah? Okay.

Y'all can nod to you. Kiri looks to Fjord and can, shh. Shh. Don't stab any of the other kids, okay? Okay. And remember, stay quiet. Stay quiet. Oh.

Oh. So weird. So in leaving the kids there, you all quietly exit the building, reaffirming the doors that you had kicked in. Oh, yeah. We gotta lean those up again. Oh, and cast Mending on the doors.

There you go. All right, and you manage to get the doors back into a sizable place and begin to discuss how you're going to tackle this next endeavor. That's where we'll go ahead and finish this week's episode. We'll pick up next week. What a good night. Well done, guys. That was fun, Zs. We'll see if...

Hey, we got the money back! We got the money back! See if you can earn your Tinkertop Bolt faster. Oh my god. Sounds good. Could have just gone back and bought it, but no, we want to go the expert level. Yeah.

Oh man. Yeah, you can buy it, or you can collect all 48 pine cones, and then you just unlock it. It's like that. Hey, man. Good game, guys. Awesome. Well, uh. We should definitely rise before the next part,

because I just used up all my second level spells. Well, we can do recon. We'll do recon for the afternoon, and then we'll attack tomorrow morning. Okay. Unless this guy comes in the next week. Yay! If that happens.

Oh my goodness. Oh my god. My God. And on that note, have a wonderful week, guys. We'll see you next Thursday for the next stage of this crazy adventure. Remember, we love you, and is it Thursday yet?

Good night. Thank you for listening to this episode of Critical Role. If you've enjoyed this ever-weaving story, please consider rating and reviewing our podcast. You might just inspire someone new to hop on the wagon for the journey. We have plenty more stories to tell. Stay tuned, and we'll see you next time.