Critical Role - C2E52 Feral Business

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

The Mighty Nein enter Assarius, the City of Beasts, and encounter dangerous denizens within and below its streets.Watch Critical Role live Thursdays at 7pm PT on https://www.twitch.tv/criticalroleSupport the stream by using the official digital companion for the world's greatest roleplaying game at http://dndbeyond.comTwitch subscribers gain instant access to VODs of our shows like Critical Role, Talks Machina Between the Sheets and All Work No Play. But don't worry: Twitch broadcasts will be uploaded to YouTube about 36 hours after airing live, with audio-only podcast versions of select shows on iTunes, Google Play & Podbean following a week after the initial air date. Twitch subscribers also gain access to our official custom emote set and subscriber badges (designed by our beloved Critter Arsequeef) and the ability to post links in Twitch chat!

Hi there, this is Matthew Mercer, resident Game Master here at Critical Role, to welcome you to this podcast version of the show. If you'd like to watch the stream as it airs, you can catch it Thursdays at 7pm Pacific on twitch.tv slash criticalrole or youtube.com slash criticalrole. Twitch subscribers can access the video on demand immediately after the broadcast and it also becomes available on YouTube Mondays at 12pm Pacific. Podcast episodes land right here on the Critical Role Podcast Network on Thursdays, a week after the initial broadcast. Okay, with that info dump out of the way, let's dive into the story.

Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Yeah, we do! Yeah, okay. Before we get started, we want to go ahead and give a nice thank you and talk a little bit about our fantastic sponsor for Campaign 2 since the very beginning, our friends at D&D Beyond. Sam. D&D Beyond, everybody. If you're just joining us, you might not remember this, but I love D&D Beyond so much. I love the app, I love the platform, I love the company, I love the people. I love it so much that I want to be in control of it and run the company, which is why I'm running for president of D&D Beyond. I launched my campaign a month or two ago.

It's going great, lots of fundraising. Yep. I'm waiting for donations from you guys. Nope. It's in process. That's what those envelopes were that I slipped under your chairs? No, yeah, those are, anyway. Those No, yeah. Those are not tax deductible.

Anyway, I'm pleased to announce today that I have an opponent. It's a big part of running for office, is to have an opponent and to know who you're facing. A lot of nominations came in, a lot of suggestions. Some people couldn't do it. Marisha was technically too young to run. Taliesin, not a citizen of the United States. Also not sure where he is a citizen of. This country doesn't exist anymore. Yep. That's about right. Travis didn't pass the IQ test. so what we're left with was the opponent that will be running against me for the presidency of D&D Beyond is Liam O'Brien! Oh! Man, shit!

We're friends, so I hope we run a respectful campaign. We're his frenemies. Yeah. I'm going to do my best to not... Well, the problem here is I'm sort of a master of media. Wow. I'm politically savvy. The people love me. I've been doing this for a while. I've got Danny Carr as my campaign manager. I've got it going on. I don't know what you've got in store for this campaign, but it's not going to be all that. But whatever. I'll give you the floor. Let's see what you got.

Well, all I can say is thank fuck for a two-party system. Sam Regal, you're adorable. You're quick-witted. You're clever. You're good in bed. But this is the adults' table. Roll the motherfucking clip. Oh, there's a clip.

A message from Liam O'Brien. My fellow tabletoppers, I am coming to you in these dark times to bring sense and reason to the table. For too long has our great game been

sliding into a lugubrious den of iniquity, malfeasance, and ineptitude. We live in a world where any Tom, Dick, and Harry can come waltzing into the hallowed halls of both Dungeons and Dragons with half-baked backstories and cockney accents in hand and run roughshod over the time-honored traditions of fantasy make-believe. My opponent in the race to be president of D&D Beyond has relied too long on charm, quick thinking, creative character choices, and that cartoonishly large parasail he calls a

smile. Sure, he and his compatriots have peddled you a steady stream of things like heart, humor, complex exploration of the human condition, and the playing of roles in this role-playing game. But at what cost? At what cost? As your next president of D&D Beyond, I am running on a platform of accountability. On the rule of law and the law of the rules. I promise a new era of gravity and honor. No longer will Hunter's Mark be mismanaged.

Rages will be raged when it is indeed time to rage, whether you'd like to or no. And so help me, Larkin! Every rogue will know precisely when and how to implement the assassinate feature. Enough is enough. My opponent would have you believe that D&D is about story, adventure, magic, and wonder. Don't you believe it, my friends? Don't you believe it? With me as your next president, we will rediscover the true joy of gaming. Systemic memorization.

2D4. Or not 2D4. That is the question. Thank you. And God's bless D&D Beyond. I'm Sam Riegel's husband and I approve this message. Oh wow. I'm in. That's just... I leave it up to the people to decide. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. I don't have a video. I don't have a logo. I don't

have American flags behind me or wheat fields or whatever that shit was. Danny, what are you doing to me? We need a video. I have, ooh, ooh, you're going down. Remember what I said about Respectful Campaign? Fuck that. The clothes are off, motherfucker! You're going down! I will rule D&D Beyond! Back to you, Matt. Complete with voice pressure. Thank you, Liam. We'll settle in the bedroom. And thank you, our friends at D&D Beyond.

So next announcement. For those who haven't seen, The Search for Grog, our special Vox Machina one-shot from our live show in LA, will air tomorrow night. So tune in to the Critical Role Twitch channel at 7 p.m. Pacific to watch it. If you missed the live broadcast, you can check out the VOD on Saturday at youtube.com slash critical role. Travis, you got some things,

not Travis, Laura, actually, you got some things. I'm Laura. That's you. You're Laura, you're Travis. Yeah, it're Travis. To be fair, you guys do. So just to remind, the pre-orders for our amazing Mighty Nein of Vox Machina art prints, those end tonight at 1159. That's signed and unsigned. Go to the store if you want them, because once they're gone, they're gone! Also, because once they're gone, they're gone. Also, speaking of once they're gone, they're gone, I've got one more thing that I want to tell you about. Witches are, so at our live show for The Search for Grog, we had posters for sale for The

Search for Grog. We thought we sold out of them, but then we found an extra box. So we're putting them in the store. Yeah! That's what we have been. These are in the store right now. There's not a whole lot of them, so if you grab one, go to the store right now, and you can find them.

Once they're gone, they're gone, for real, because they're not, there's no more. I don't have one of those. And we will grab some out of the box before they go to the store. No, people need them more than us. We can photocopy them. You're right, we don't have any.

That's not true. It's fine, it's fine. So yeah, in honor of Search for Grog. Boop. Yay. That's my announcement. Travis, do you have an announcement? There, Travis, you got some.

Oh, I should say, though, I should definitely say, the art is by Hugo. Takayuki Art. Takayuki Art. Takayuki Art. And it's so beautiful. I'm not showing the... Okay, I'm stopping. The infamous card.

Get away from me, camera. Travis? Yes, yes. Right, so we dropped a little tease of things to come on our Twitter and Facebook pages this morning, and we were all quite blown away by how fucking fast you solved our little puzzle, especially Timothy G. Elsie on Twitter, who was the first to crack the code. You made MIT proud. It's cool. DARPA's very proud of you. We have a puzzle, if you haven't seen it,

it should be up. We are excited to announce tonight that on March 4th, we are launching a Kickstarter project to create our very own Vox Machina animated special. Just let it sink in. Let it sink into your body. Let it get in through your skin Let it sink into your body. Let it get in through your skin and your meat and your bones.

There will be more details to share leading up to launch day, but since you cracked it so fast, we just had to let y'all know what's going down. So get hype, get hype, get hype, get hype. Animated. I've never seen Travis do that. He's like a genius. So get hype, get hype, get hype, get hype. Animated. I've never seen Travis do that. I do it for cartoons, I dance for cartoons,

dance for cartoons. Dance for cartoons. I know what I'm getting you for every day ever. Yeah. Cartoon. Thank you, Travis. As you guys may have noticed, we do have a new Twitch overlay that we unveiled tonight.

We wanted to spruce things up a bit and we hope that you love it as much as we do for all the work we did on it. Little changes, little aesthetic changes. We're also working on a few special things to enhance your live viewing experience. We'll share more about that as soon as we can. Some cool optional bells and whistles, and we'll blow it out as we hit the opportunity. An important update, starting this week, with episode 52, which you're seeing tonight, Critical Role will air on the Critical Role Twitch channel, with the VOD available for Critical Role

Twitch channel subscribers over the weekend. VOD will also be available on the Critical Role YouTube channels on Mondays at 12 p.m. Pacific. Talks Machina will also air on the official Critical Role channels moving forward. Geek & Sundry's Twitch channel will still host Critical Role and Talks Machina episodes on Tuesday and Thursday nights,

so you can continue to watch there if that's where you're subscribed. We just wanted to take a moment to thank all the folks at Geek & Sundry and Legendary Digital Networks for a long and successful partnership, and we wish them the absolute best. Be sure to check out CriticalRole.com for all the details.

Details. I believe that is the end of our announcements for the evening. Oh man. Do we still get to play D&D on this show? Liam, I believe that's what we're doing next. Oh boy! On that note, let's go ahead and dive in to the ninth episode of Critical Role.

Oh! Roll and Ritzka! Roll and Ritzka! Roll and Ritzka! Ritzka! Roll and Ritzka! Roll and Ritzka! Roll and Ritzka! The adventure begins They were always beside you Your nerdy best friends

And the DM to guide you And they rise from the flames For the battles ahead villains beware cause you're about to be dead they got magic and flair they got falchions and cunning they don't see over there, there's a monster incoming. Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice. Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, roll the dice. Roll the dice. Critical.

Roll the dice. Critical. Roll the dice. Critical. Roll the dice. Critical. Can you answer the call? Digging deep in your soul As the legend unfolds

Now it's your turn To roll To roll Oh, wow. SAM and LAURA Oh wow. What? It's the balance of like, round two. Just tying in a job I had earlier today.

Okay. I was with you. Welcome back. Welcome back. So, last we left off, the Mighty Nein, in search of Nott's kidnapped husband, had made their way east beneath the Marrow Valley, skirting the Underdark, under the Ashkeeper Peaks, and have emerged into the ashen wastes of Xhorhas. You came in contact with one of the roving scout regiments

of the Empire, who were immediately assaulted by what seemed to be a roving crew of assassins and hunters made of gnolls and a Kryn warrior and some sort of a mage using new form of magic you've never seen before. You engage in the battle, and after some blows were tossed back and forth, the enemies, at least the ones with enough strength

to survive the encounter, fled when it seemed like it was not turning in their favor. Left behind, you got some materials from the survivors of the Imperial scouting troop and made your way through the wastes eastward. Along that way, you began to encounter some of the distant strange beasts that wander these lands.

You endured the heavy rains and were suddenly seemingly hunted by a large, somewhat unwell rock, a massive bird that you thought was sweeping towards you, but instead seemed to be hunting a troop of bugbear hunters and you. Through some clever use of illusionary magic and some decent stealth rolls, you managed to avoid getting involved in that fray

and instead came upon the mostly torn apart troop of bugbears, the one survivor who'd been playing possum. Noticing that he was still breathing, you decided to have a conversation where you came to an understanding which involved, we're not going to kill you, give us some information, and maybe let me tattoo your body. Jester shaved a portion of his furry form and tattooed him with a classic Tuskegee special. You guys made it across the Eiffelon River through some clever Moses-like parting of the waters.

And some good rope work, I'm sorry. You don't need to do that. That's a mage in Rexxentrum. Yeah. As the last evening began to come to a close, you can see the distant firelight of what you've now been informed to be Asarius, the City of Beasts, and the home to this bugbear,

Gloozo, which you had encountered. Go ahead and camping up for the night this far out of the vicinity. You found yourselves sleeping, protected underneath Caleb's dome, your hut, and prepared yourself for a morning journey wherever you see fit. And that's where we left off.

So, Mighty Nein. Waking from the evening's rest to the gentle rainfall from the clouded morning skies, a cold air chilling the surrounding mud, you glance around the gray field dotted with clusters of leafless trees and brush and look to the nearby city of Vissarius. What would you like to do? When he doesn't start it, what do you want to do? I get nervous.

I know. What do we want to do? I have no idea what we want to do. Is our bear friend already taken off? The heavy snoring and somewhat sore movement of his body once he gently comes to consciousness belays the recovery period from the encounter the day before, and he has not left. Hello, Gloozle. Hello to you, too.

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Doesn't he have to re-wrap the tattoo every day or something? Doesn't he, for like infections? A little bit of coconut oil. Oh, really? I haven't told anyone to do that. Oh!

Ew. I mean, I've never gotten a tattoo. You know, I've only given them, so. Oh, that's a good point. You don't have any tattoos? No. You never, like, practice on yourself? No, why would I do that?

I have other people, you know. It's all right, just treat it like any other wound. And he goes and grabs some mud and dirt from the ground and just jams it into space there. See, just like that. Perfectly. That's going to get infected. I'm going to get some breakfast going.

We'll have a moment, we'll fill our bellies, and then we'll figure out what we're going to do. Mm-hmm. All right. The conundrum at hand is that some of us don't look like monsters, right? Yeah, that is a problem, apparently. How do we fix that?

Well, it will be slow going, and I don't think we can do anything that will last more than a short while, but I can change my own appearance. I can change Beauregard's appearance. You can? You can? Yeah, I know how to do it, but roughly an hour of time, so.

Wait, you're telling me this now? Is this a new ability? I think so. Yeah. Yes, it is. He's always learning and growing as a wizard. It's what I love about him most. How did you even find this one? That's really cool, Caleb.

And how long have you known? Not long at all. Still baffles me that anyone can't do this. Well, you have seen, I have been working on it because, you know, of what you would like, you know, what you are hoping for. Oh, like what? Like the changing back and stuff?

I mean, we hadn't had a talk about it, so I didn't know if that was something that was on your, whatever the ancient equivalent of radar is. I didn't know that you were aware. I don't want to stand in the way of your growth and journey and your path. But if you stumbled upon a way to make me hold again, I wouldn't say no to it. Well, you know that my main focus is on transmutation and changing one thing from another, so it's not totally out of the realm of sense for me to have been working on such a thing,

but what I'm able to do is limited. It's not what you want, but it's a start. How long does it last? Roughly an hour. Yeah, same for me. But I can just re-up it every once in a while. But I think you look just fine. I mean, that's the sense I get.

Oh, that's right. You go over to your glue zone, and you're just going to, not even paying attention to the conversation. I mean, that's the sense I get. What's up the what? Oh, I was wondering, our friend here, Mr. Fjord, is probably going to be not necessarily welcomed with open arms, but he's not going to draw any odd glances

or anything in this town of yours? I'm just assuming. He's kind of tiny for an orc, but it should be okay. No, I wore it down. You're really big, you're very large and stuff. Fun-sized. He's pretty small. I think it's a really good size that you have.

Maybe I'll just make myself a little bit larger. Sure, maybe you do seem bigger when you're on a ship, like an enclosed area. Mm-hmm. Does he? Where do you clock in, about an enclosed area. Mm-hmm. Does he? Where do you clock in, about 6-1 or? Yeah, ish.

Okay, let's stop talking about me. You know, maybe if we figure out exactly what we need in the city, we'll understand how long we actually need to be in there. We need to go into the city to get some sort of conveyance, right? Some sort of animal or vehicle to take us further in our journey.

Oh, yeah, that would make it faster. Otherwise, it's like, what, two weeks? It's a long time, yeah. Boy, yeah. So, yeah. Do we need anything else? Weapons? Just allies? Shopping, books, maybe, like.

Do they have books in Monsterland? Some dresses and stuff. Dresses? Well, I like dresses. Monsterland. I thought we could look for some. You know, I bet the ones here look a lot different than the ones in Nicodranas, so I thought it could be fun to go shopping.

Undoubtedly, but we are going to need to pick our moments for, you know, adjusting Beauregard and Yasha's appearance, so it's not like game on all day, like we're in Zadash, where we can go shopping for things, but if we see something, you know, if it presents itself, then we could, but we have to be careful. We do have manacles. You know, we could just make him our prisoner.

That may detract attention, though. You know? We could throw a bag over someone's head and drag them into an alley. And just punch them every once in a while. I'm standing right here. Well, Caleb, you can disguise yourself and Beau, and I could technically disguise Yasha.

I mean, I think I could. You can? Well, I can change something into another animal, so I can't imagine I can't change her into another person, do you think? How long does that last? I don't know. Roughly an hour?

Roughly an hour, yeah. It's a polymorph, it's an hour. But I think she can. I mean, yeah, you can do that. It's, it's. Is it weird? It's not weird, it's just, you know, polymorph is, it can turn into anything,

so if you want to turn it into just a different person, totally, by all means. It's a bazooka is what he's saying. Yeah, yeah. Use the thing that can make you a dragon and somebody looks different. Yeah, basically. So yeah, totally.

But does Yasha, Yasha? Who's Yasha? She might be over here, yeah? She's still laying down and just looking up at the sky. Do you fit in here? I haven't been this far north, but I mean, if someone gets in my face, I'll punch them. If we were going to polymorph anybody,

I would recommend Mr. Caleb, since I imagine we would want physical people to feel comfortable in themselves, and I guess a lot of you is up here. It's basically all up there. I was thinking that I would just change my appearance. Oh, that's fair, too. That works. Yeah. That's probably a better plan. And you could be whatever you want to be.

Does it change my clothes? I feel like my blue vestiges kind of really say empire. I can change your entire appearance and your physical being for roughly one hour. Dope. Luzzo, are there any code words or sayings in your city? Any greetings or things that people exchange that would be familiar to someone that lives there?

Not really, it's more just a heavy grunt. A heavy grunt. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Mm. That's not too bad. Okay. That'll probably work for some people, yeah. Having been in the city so long, anything ever make outsiders very obvious to your eye or ear when they come in? I don't really look out for the outsiders.

I just go out and hunt things and bring it back and work for my boss, that's about it. We're just hoping to go and do a little commerce and get out without causing a ruckus, is all we're saying. Don't cause a ruckus. I mean, and then if they see these human-ish people, that's how big of a problem, if we do run into something, do you think that'd be?

That's fair. We are not going to cause a ruckus, but I would ask of you, Gluzo, are you going to cause a ruckus? I'm a fan of how much we're using the word ruckus. We should get a ruckus room. Look, I'm going to be honest. You people have not done anything bad to me, Ruckus. We should get a ruckus room. Look, I'm going to be honest.

People have not done anything bad to me. You don't seem to be the typical Empire type, so as long as you don't go shouting that you're from the Empire, maybe you'll be okay. I toss him one more gold. Boop. Is that money bad? that you're from the Empire, maybe you'll be okay. I toss him one more gold. Is that money bad? Is that bad money?

Does it also scream like Empire? No, I mean, gold is gold. Okay, cool. Not everyone takes it. Some lot of the cities tends to be barter for work, but some do take gold, so. If you escort us into this city safely and see us to the outskirts when our business is done,

there will be another 20 for you. How about this? When we get to the city, I just never see you again. Barter. I will give you ten gold to make sure that that happens. Just take it. I'll take it, okay. Very good deal.

He gets up. Well, shall we? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Appreciate it. Should we? Are you going to? Transport, potions, weapons, things like that, and books, if there are such things. Whatever shopping's available.

Should we split up or stick together? Stick together. Stick together in a totally obvious group. Do we have any means, if we do get split up, do we know where we're meeting? Because we don't know anything about the city. Are there any, Luzo, are there any places in the city that are easy to spot, like towers, spires, anything that we can like? Or right outside the city.

Well, the city's got a wall around it, and there's watchtowers, there's the Aurora Hold in the middle, it's the big gray tower pieces where all the Kryn use as their base of operations. Let's maybe meet at the wall and not the center of the city. That seems a little... Either way. I mean, there are places of business,

if that's what you're looking for, so. I guess that's, yeah. Before we leave, does anyone want to take a... A gander? Uh-huh. Bathroom break? A gander at the thing? While you guys do that, can I talk to Glussa? I'm going to take the haversack off and pass it to whoever wants it.

Don't take it out, don't take it out. No, no, who wants it? I'm holding it. I thought I had already taken it. Oh, you'll take it? I feel like Beau should have it for some reason. I might get in a ruckus. I might get in a ruckus. Don't get in a ruckus.

I'm going to try to avoid ruckuses. Hey, Cluzel, can I take him aside? He's standing tall now, once again. Even with a slight hunch, he's still close to seven feet. Him and Caduceus are in a similar range, with a similar hunch, though his ears are a little wider out there, a lot heavier fur, and he's pleasantly dopey.

Mm-hmm. Cluso. Yes? Can you tell me about the light that you pray to, please? Oh, are you familiar with Deloxen? Yes, I have heard a little bit about it, but I was wondering what you could tell me about it.

We're perfectly honest, don't know all that much, but, you know, the Barker elves tell us of great possible things if we work together as a community and as, you know, since I've grown up, it was always about the Luxon and as a place to come to. A place to come to? Well, there is a place to worship in the city, yes.

Really? Yeah. What does it look like? It looks sort of like a... He pulls out his necklace, and you see the, and those who are paying attention, you can see across the chain what looks to be a small wireframe dodecahedron, made of rough metal.

Fuck. The Luxon, they say, is the first and the original god of Exandria. And if we work hard together and we stay pious towards his light, then maybe one day we too will be reborn. Right, because that would be really cool to be reborn. Yeah, especially, points back,

since my line of work is not all that safe. But anyway. Yeah, to the light and stuff, and also the Traveler. Okay. Okay. He starts walking towards the city. That's scary. They have a god, their god is our thing. Is the bugbear god the same as the cream?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cream? Yeah. Did you say to the light? Yeah, he was saying he prays to the light, and he prays to a thing that looks like our thing. So I think. We have the god in our haversack. I know, I think we have a holy relic or something. It might be, that saying, that seems to make sense.

The Luxon, right? The Luxon, the Luxon. Oh shit, I told you about this. You've told us about the Luxon? Yes, yes. Yes, you did. In Luxon. Oh shit, I told you about this. You've told us about the Luxon? Yes, in your town. Because then you go gamble there. I was hoping you'd say that. I remember. That's it.

Oh fuck. Okay, we thought it was a different Luxon. Total, seven? Yeah. Nope. Nope, never heard of it. Other than, at that roll, you just barely remember that Caleb had mentioned it a couple times. You're like, oh. roll, you just barely remember that Caleb

had mentioned it a couple times. You're like, oh. Oh yeah. That's as much as you know. That's generous of you. So we have their holy relic, in addition to the relic that can maybe... Amplify it. And also give them children?

I mean, this is a... I don't know about that. I mean, I think it's all about they're being reborn, so I think the children, what if like, oh my god, what if when people die, their soul gets trapped inside of this thing, and until it's returned, new souls can't go into new babies, and so new babies can't be born and stuff? What if we're keeping all of the souls with us?

What if our souls get trapped in it and we're stuck in there for thousands of years? I don't want to be a baby again. Being a baby sucks. Oh no. You're getting younger right now. Shit! I think that we are still in a wait and see moment here.

I think we've used it a fair number of times and nobody's turned into a we-en-fant. I'm not saying you turn into a baby. Beau is saying that. That is what Beau is saying. I just don't want to be reincarnated as a baby. Reincarnate me as a tiefling or a dwarf or something. Sorry, Beau, just going to say,

too soon for the whole reincarnate business. Oh, sorry. Can't mean to just going to say, too soon for the whole reincarnate business. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Didn't mean to tread on us. I could've spit there, I didn't mean to spit on you. Can I ask a question, though? Sure. How did it work?

Did you come back as already a functional person, or did you come back as a baby goblin and then? No, I was, I came back as what you see here, minus a year or two. A grown goblin. I was a full grown goblin. But where did this body come from?

You know what I mean? Like, was it somebody else's, or was it just like, did it just appear magically or something? I don't understand. It hurts a little. I don't know. I don't know if they put my spirit in someone else's body

or if the body was made or what, I don't know. This body bleeds, so it's not some sort of, it wasn't built by a man. Maybe you were a baby and you just don't remember it. Most people don't remember when they were babies. Yeah, but then they remember when they're like four. That's true.

I feel like we're getting to the root of something with you that I really want to explore later. I'm not sure what it is yet. I don't think I was ever a baby, because if I were a baby, and I grew up to be a goblin adult, my son would be 10, 12 years right now. That's true.

Flight of the Navigator. I did just stare at this relic in front of Luzo. He didn't see it. Is that super insensitive, though? I think we're weird. It just looked like your head was in a bag. It probably looked like you were eating some trail mix or something.

It does not strike me as a high, holy, learned man of the cloth, if it is even a traditional religion. From what I have read, the people here, the Kirin, used to worship a different god. I don't know how long ago. Lolth. Lolth? Lolth.

I can tell why they stopped worshiping that one. This is some sort of a change for them, whether that is 20 years ago, 100 years ago, 300, I don't know. The writings I found on it were somewhat vague, but whoever wrote this text believe that this Luxon, whatever it is, is misleading the people here. And also that it is because of the Luxon

that this darkness, I think, that we are seeing is connected to them. This light and darkness. Wow. So it's responsible for the dunamancy? Dunamancy, dunamis? Possibly connected. Okay.

Is there anyone heading out of the city in our direction now that we've spent some time trading? Make a perception check. First off, Gluzo's about 90 feet from you walking towards the city. Oh, oh. We should probably not have to keep checking. He just started walking, you guys kept talking,

and he just kept walking. 14. 14. Should we disguise ourselves? I think for maximum time, we should, everyone pull up your hoods and let's get closer to the city, otherwise we are just going to burn through 20 or 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Well and let's get closer to the city, otherwise we are just going to burn through 20 or 30 minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Well, let's see who's on the road. All right, looking ahead, best you can see, there's a low fog that permeates a lot of the field in front of you this early in the morning, based on the recent rains that have happened. You don't see anyone, you're not close enough to draw attention, but I mean, there's a lot of activity around the city,

though it's too far to really make out the fine details. You do see what looks to be, now in the daylight, some sort of a perimeter wall. It looks to be a gray or purple hue. It's hard to really tell from this distance. You can see what would be watchtowers scattered along the outside skirt a little bit. You can vaguelytowers scattered along the outside of the skirt a little bit. You can

vaguely see one spire loosely central to the entire shape of the city's skyline. You can see there's a bunch of things gathered around the outside of the wall, but you'll have to get closer to make out more detail. Not a ton of traffic on the road coming in and out just yet? Hard to tell from this distance. There are no roads leading to you. You guys are out in the middle of a field. So, hard to tell.

Let's get a little closer, and I'll use Disguise Self to make myself look fucking jacked. Huge-ass traps and delts, and my clothes don't quite fit right anymore, and just rippling-ass ass muscles and I'm just... But I thought that you already were jacked. No, I'm fucking jacked, like, forward.

Shredded. Yeah. Whoa. I have to turn like this. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. You've never stretched a day in your life.

He's got skinny chicken legs, but super big. If I got to run, I'm just like. Always skip leg day. Yeah, always skip leg day. I'm going to use Disguise Self to make myself look just like me, only super goth. Goth Jester. Goth Jester. I'm going to do makeup like Yasha's, so black stuff and eyeliner and tattered black leathers and dark lipstick. Yeah, and definitely black fingernails and tattoos

and stuff. Yasha reaches down and gets some mud and smears it down her face, do these finger lines across the front, and just musses up the outside so she looks like she's been wandering and hunting alone in the wild for a while. That's cool. I'll play with that. I'm going to scar myself up and emaciate and let everything get a little craggly and a little more dark-crystalline on the wrong end.

Ooh, nice. How do you want to do this? Can you make me a dude tiefling? Like a red, shifty-looking tiefling? Red skin, deep eyes. Deep what color eyes? Like crazy eyes like you're demonstrating for me right now? Yeah, like that. Deep what color eyes? Like crazy eyes like you're demonstrating for me right now? Yeah. Okay.

Like that? You can't change your voice now. What, you don't think I sound like a dude? Kind of, yeah, no, you're good. Give me a dude physique that would match this. Okay, so I pull out a small caterpillar's cocoon and I start muttering some arcane words over it and I waft it in front of your face and then poof.

She's a poof. There you go. You're a red tiefling. As pretty accurate as you can envision, at least from what you can see of yourself. You don't really have any reflective surface to check, but based on just this, not bad. That's your quadrat.

Fjord. Oh! You're a dude tiefling. Since Caleb's really only're a dude, tiefling. Since Caleb's really only seen one dude's tiefling before. Long may he reign indeed. Holy shit. You've only seen one dude's tiefling. Why is just my dick purple?

What are their stems. All red. There's definitely a cockroach. There's a gradient. It's just a sunny side up egg. Oh my god. My happy trail has an ombre. This is incredible. Oh no.

The benefits of the Tiefling. Oh my goodness. How long and wide may he range? Anyway. Wow. Hold on, we are not finished yet. I begin to disguise self from myself, so I make myself look like a male version of Chester, blue, like a twin,

but not quite as goth, just dialed way back, a little bit, but not quite as goth, but identical. I can't do anything about the voice, I'm sorry. Let's go. All right. So, given that there was a time limit on the duration of these spells, a little hustle probably wouldn't hurt.

So you guys pick up the pace a bit, jogging through the muddy fields. Your boots are occasionally getting caught for a moment, but you manage to maintain a decent pace, heading towards Asarius. You catch up to Gluuzo, who goes, all right, we're running, okay. He keeps up with you guys, bounding alongside.

It's still us. We just went through the Saints Row character creation. Yeah, basically. I like that we now have MC Chris and Gerard Way at the table, that's all I really needed. This is our version of Monster Factory. Much love to the brothers. By the way, Matt, side note, this music is fucking awesome.

Whatever you're doing, amazing. Well, thank you, Blizzard, for giving us approval to use Diablo music. Oh, exciting. Thanks, Blizzard. Thanks, Blizzard. So. More delight. More delight.

As you approach the City of Beasts, you can see now the tall, fort-like wooden walls, planks of purple-colored wood sharpened into a point 10 feet from the ground around the perimeter. Watchtowers peeking over at a number of points along. You guys are knowing Caleb's direction since, thanks to his feet. You're approaching from a southern, southwestern direction.

Batches of mud fields surrounding the eastern end of the city are visible, where crews of hop goblins and bugbears harvest what appear to be roots and tubers and other strange and hearty produce from the unexpectedly cultivatable land, it seems, around the city. The western side, which should be to your left, outside the walls is dense with wheeled carts, armored orcs, gnolls, and other goblinoid soldiers checking and cleaning equipment, and occasionally bickering. You can see, though the war is on that side of Xhorhas, there is still a military presence here.

Your eyes catch the rare Kryn soldier who's wandering through the rags, keeping the peace, checking in with members of this regiment. A handful of large hills sit among the crews, resting places for ballista and supplies as goblins lift and unload boxes and affix heavy artillery to the top of these mounds. As you're continuing to move towards the city,

looking at this display, you see a group of gnolls together tugging on these heavy leather straps at the base of one of these mounds, and you watch as it shifts, mud and dirt tumbling from the sides, revealing four hut-sized, thick trunks of legs from underneath a colossal war tortoise. What?!

From this distance, you can only guess 60 to 80 feet from end to end on this shell. What the fuck? War tortoise! What the fuck is that? It's a war tortoise, man, it's a war tortoise. War tortoise. Can we prove the mistake for that?

A pair of goblins rush up immediately to the front to shovel baskets of moss and other roots into the mouth of the large behemoth. At this point, as you're in awe of this and noticing the numerous mounds now, four or five visibly scattered amongst this warband, a series of growls and muffled barks catch your attention towards the front ranks,

where you can see numerous large, tailless panther-like beasts tethered to heavy posts, saddled and lightly armored for future combat. You glance past the small army, beyond that, beyond the mountains, to see two gargantuan shapes making a wide perimeter around the city, loosely in your direction. A pair of the massive, furred hulks that you first saw

when you first entered Xhorhas in the distance. They're stalking around the wastes and the surrounding grounds, heavy iron chains wrapped like a harness across their 20-foot wide torso, each mounted by an armored Kryn who's rocking back and forth with each impact of its huge tree trunk-like limbs dragging itself through the muck and mud.

You can see the squat legs dragging it forward as its limbs pull it forward like a heavy gorilla, all covered in a dark gray-brown fur that's matted with mud and grime. The face of the creature, which you see for the first time now that it's getting close enough, rests between the shoulders without neck or really a head, just embedded between where the shoulders are

as part of the torso. A gray-scaled, leathery brow that folds around four red eyes the size of cannonballs, arranged much like a spider's face. You can see a tangle of teeth and tusks that protrude from a frighteningly wide mouth that almost leads from shoulder to shoulder at the very front.

As it shifts forward, one of the mouths opens and you see this large, heavy, thick tongue pull off and scrape against the tusks and you see this large, heavy, thick tongue pull off and scrape against the tusks and then withdraw into the mouth and this jaw closes shut. You can feel on the ground with each heavy lymph. Those are in the city or outside? This is outside of the city.

Roughly how tall? That creature is probably about 30 feet at the top of its height, that shoulder height. Wide. The shoulders are about 20 feet wide, side to side. If you were to look at it head on, like 20, 25 feet right there, the shoulders themselves are about 20 feet apart.

From the top when it's fully stood up, you would imagine it'd probably get up to about 25 or 30 feet, but it tends to be a little hunched as it pulls forward. You know when you go to that area in the game and you're not quite leveled up for it yet. Yes. And you run the other way.

Yes. That whole scholar, the word. If you can. Not to be pessimistic or anything, but I think their army is way cooler than the army that we've seen. Mm-hmm, for sure. Maybe we should all just hang out

and be part of Jorhas from now on. I mean, they're pretty cool. They're pretty cool. They've got moving hills, they've got these giant spider weird guys. I want a war turtle. The tortoises are crazy. We have not tasted the food here yet.

Maybe let's just reserve judgment for. But we have Caduceus. I feel like we're gilding an awful lot of expectations at the moment. I'd really like to get a better sense of these people before we... Decide to live here? And even decide how we feel about this.

Roughly 51 more minutes. Okay, yes, let's go on. Yes, this might be like, you know when you go to Hawaii and you're like, why don't we live here? Yeah, 50 minutes. So as you push on, and Gluzo's jogging alongside you and keeping his head down, you guys approach the southeast gates.

These heavy, each side is about 10 feet wide, maybe 15 feet tall, it actually crawls up higher than the rest of the surrounding wall and has a slight arch to it. One of them is closed, the other one's partially open, and you can see some soldiers are coming in and out, other people that are working the field start exchanging directions,

and that would be the nearest entrance to the city. Does it look like there are people blocking the entrance? Like they're heavily guarded? No one blocking the entrance, but you do see on each side of it two very large and armored ogres, both holding heavy, heavy clubs with what looks to be like an axe blade on each side.

They're just there looking out. Are people that are coming and going, are they wearing anything identifying? Any kind of medals, badges, pins, ribbons? Make a perception check. The people who are coming and going, are the ogres stopping them? No.

19. 19. I think they're bouncers. Nothing that you can really make out, unfortunately. I mean, their outfits aren't uniform. Everything is very patchwork and scavenged or put together to, at least from what you've seen, to be utilitarian.

There's no decor. And as you approach this heavy gates, you can see one of the ogres just looks to you all and... Mm. Yeah, can we just walk with confidence? Yep. Yeah. All right, who's leading the charge into the city? I am.

Go make a deception check. Just like we're sneaking into an E3 party, here we go. Done that a thousand times. Yeah, look like you belong, look like you belong, no one will stop you. 16. 16, yeah. We've all had to sneak into our own game parties before. Yeah, that's true.

Lower the totem pole, you suckers. As you grunt and the ogre grunts back, you keep walking, he doesn't pay attention, he doesn't notice. You all weasel past through the six-foot space of the right-hand door that's open and enter Asarius. We're in. So within the city, the winding dirt roads

you already see before you are rough and slick with the recent rainfall as the air itself is pungent with the smells of animal hair, wet earth, and dung. Immediately hits you like a wall. This is the largest petting zoo you could ever consider visiting. Droves of waste folk wander the streets, burly ogres clutching barrels and beams.

You can see orcs that are dragging hunted quarry behind them, through the mud or over their shoulders. Some of them still struggling, not quite dead from the wounds they sustained before, and an orc just takes itk slams it across its back so it goes to stillness and stops moving. Not a lot of conversation, but occasional bickering and growling at each other,

but there is still a civilized sense of order to this, more than you would have assumed based on the interactions you've had with gnolls and other such creatures who seem to live in these spaces, goblins especially. And you do see goblins. You do see what looks to be goblins and goblinkin children rushing through the alleys and scurrying off into the roads,

clusters of them carrying something together, some of them just trying to wait for something to drop or be left or forgotten from one of the larger folk and then just scavenged and taken away. Definitely keeping hands on pockets and pouches. Okay. Yeah. Did you get Jester back to Havasac, or are you? Yeah, I did. Okay.

Part of my disguise, it looks black with my disguise. But the majority of the people you see that are spread throughout the city are furred bugbears, scruffy gnolls, anxious kobolds, actually, and the occasional minotaur. One in particular catches your eye, who's walking with two sets of five soldiers on each side.

Kryn soldiers. Oh my god. You see one massive minotaur, jet black onyx fur, giant grown horns that curve to the front. Pristine, uncharacteristically for this space, pristine silvered armor that is intricately carved and detailed. You can see this dull gray cloak

that falls past the shoulder mantle and drifts to the back of the knees. Its hooves, you can see, are adorned with a type of plate armor right to the front. As it just looms by, you can see this heavy greatsword that's thrown over its back. Everyone stops and gives wide berth as it walks through across the street.

The whole table just turned into the horny and aroused meme. Yeah. He was beautiful. And continues down the street in loosely the direction that you're traveling, but a good 20, 30 feet ahead of you, and then continues if you wanted to keep in pace. We could use him like a fire tracker.

A posse of roughly, I'd say, 11 or 12 Kreen. Or just around him? Around him, yeah. You get the sense that he has some sort of importance or station in this location. Yeah, I was going to say, that's hard. Probably got to work hard to keep that clean. Yeah, do we want to follow? Now that we're in, is there anything that is discernible

to the eye, like a weapons store? Luzo's just walking away. Yeah, okay, he did his job. I'm not going to see him acknowledge. You're in the city and he just walks away. You forgot your 10 gold, okay. Do we see anything like a blacksmithy, or a weapons store, or a?

Livestock. Well, that's going to be hard to pinpoint a place. You can start to look around. Go ahead and. Should we, we can ask around. I don't want to make a lot of, I don't want to hit up a lot of contactors yet and see what we can see.

Go ahead and make a general investigation check. If you're not asking around, then it would be just perception, then. Damn, an investigation wouldn't have been better. Not bad, though, it's 19. 19. So as you guys begin to walk and enter the city, you start taking in some of the sights around you. One thing you do is there are occasionally humans here.

They're not all of the various monstrous races that you would have expected. The humans that you do see here are usually solitary, and they are scarred and rough, possibly feral, it's hard to tell, but they have an eye about them like they've been through enough to survive amongst these people in the Wastes and this city.

You get a sense of why Yasha put herself into a little bit of that rough and tumble presentation before you entered. Do they have the look of, say, beaten, fearful slaves, or rough? Make an insight check. Yeah. Good call. Maybe if you had more space in that dice track.

12. You don't get a sense of any sort of enslaved or subjugated aspect. They just seem to be another surviving member of the community who, because they are human and the nature of the war and the people that exist in this space, has had to undergo some rough hazing. Yeah, prison rules.

Yeah, kind of. Is anyone wearing the symbol, the Luxon? Make a perception check. Good call. Not great. 10. 10. It's hard to tell, there's a lot of movement, and a lot of armor, and a lot of fur,

and a lot of other types. You don't see anyone who very overtly is showing off any sort of iconography or jewelry that would be similar to what you saw in Gluzo. And aside from the minotaur and the army, is there any type of guards? Any type of? Oh yeah, lotstowers. Is there a po-po? You don't see any noted guard.

You don't see anybody who seems to be uniformed or have any sort of an identifiable attire or imagery that would give you the idea that there was a wandering guard. Yes. So the Watchtowers seem like they're probably just for siege attacks for army? They don't seem to have anybody posted in them? They do have people posted in them.

Okay. You don't know if that's because it is wartime or that it's part of the Watcher of the City or both. You're uncertain. Okay. Maybe you covered this and my player missed it, but do the Kryn seem to be like an occupying force or part of?

Why does it sound like you say Kryn? Because it sounds like he's saying Kryn. No, he says Kryn. Like Kryn. Kryn. But you say K-R-E-N. K-R-E-N. I believe I said Kryn last game, Laura Bailey, and this time I tried to match the dungeon master,

but I'm playing with a German accent, and sometimes strange things happen. You should have heard the things I had to say in a German accent earlier today. It was this whole scene, man. Twins, twins, twins, please, please. Occupying force or integrated with society? Make an insight check.

Make a roll. It's cocked, right? Because you have a thousand dice around it. It was the same roll. Oh, good. 19. 19. It's hard to tell.

There doesn't seem to be any fear of the Kryn as they walk around. But they don't seem to be fully integrated and rubbing shoulders with the roughnecks of the city, but you don't sense that there's... You don't sense any sort of tension that would normally be part of an occupying force. Yeah, yeah, okay.

I'm of the mind that we should follow the big Meditar. I mean, he can only be going from to and from places of importance. Yeah, he's still walking ahead of you guys. All right, let's go. With a brisk pace, so there's some distance growing between the two of you. Yeah, we'll still walking ahead of you guys. With a brisk pace, so there's some distance growing between the two of you.

Yeah, we'll keep 20 to 30 feet. Okay. I thought we were trying to get beasts to ride. Why are we following him? So, and as part of this, as you're walking, and based on the perception roll that you made, because I'm going to fill you in on more of that, looking around, the structures of this building are varied in patchwork, with huts and hovels

mingling with mud brick buildings and domes and small, roughly hewn and sculpted domiciles. You pass one of the dormant tortoises that you saw that's actually in the city. It's sitting there occupying a lot in the city and atop its back, you see what looks to be a goblin neighborhood of dense shacks and dwellings, clustered, built, and strapped onto its back.

You can see... Out of here. That is so fucking cool! Did it crawl into the city because it can move? The whole city can move? Is the turtle still alive? You can't tell. All you see is the shell there

and this goblin neighborhood built atop its shell that's strapped and pressed onto it. You can see these clustered tents and huts and pieces of gathered and scavenged woods and pressed together to create this small shanty town atop this tortoise shell. In there, you can see a few goblins out there that are doing repairs, A few that are-

Those are the cruise ships are the worst. Some that are stretching out leather to tan, but the weather isn't good for tanning, and they're getting frustrated because it's getting mildewy. You see the goblins trying to stretch it out more, breathe hot on it. It's not really doing anything. Did you live on a turtle? No, I did not live on a turtle. I've never seen anything like that. It's amazing.

This is way cooler than what you had. Yes, yes. I really feel like we should invest in a turtle. It just seems so useful. The maintenance, though. If you own a turtle, you have to fix everything on it. That's true. What if you rent a turtle?

Leasing is really the way to go. Yeah, leasing. everything on it. That's true. What if you rent a turtle? Leasing is really the way to go. Yeah, leasing. Fjord. It's the newest turtle. As you guys pass the small goblin neighborhood to your right, you hear the familiar barks that had echoed from the army earlier, and you pass what looks to be a preserve slash livery

for those panther-like beasts. You can see a numerous number of these kept in this large pen. They have these chain collars around their neck and they're all tethered to a central heavy pole that's currently pressed deep into the mud. Some of them are lying and sleeping, some of them are hungrily pacing on the outside of the pen,

looking at the passersby and growling. Getting a better look at it, you can see they have this wonderfully aerodynamic profile to them. Their head and neck is sloped all the way past their shoulders to the back. Basically, it isn't until the hind haunches that the curvature ends. But what it is is this super slick, matted, thick,

heavy, wiry fur that itself is a dull gray-purple color. It seems matted at top, and it tends to fluff out a bit once you get past where the shoulders and the pits are of its appendages. Its arms themselves, it's very panther-like in its physicality, just more muscular and lean and stretched, a little more exaggerated, and its feline figures

excite from the fact that its head is this continuous muscled neck into a sloped, toothy mouth at the front. You can see on the sides these two large, bulging, almost creepily fish-like eyes that are lidless and poke out the sides of the head, looking out in both directions. In the front, there is not a classic cat nose, but it looks almost like a cat's skull,

but flesh pulled over it. So it has these two open slits that are long in the front, and its jaw hangs open with these two large tusks that curl up in the front, and its tongue dangles out the front. Can they blip? That's the important thing. We'll have to find out.

With a fisheye blep, that would be something. We've only seen these creatures on their own. They're not carrying anything. They don't have saddles of any sort. They're armored up. These ones do not. The ones you saw outside in the army were. Were armored, but didn't have people riding them. They were just saddled up.

They were saddled up. They didn't have people on them at the time. Oh, they were saddled up. They were, yeah. Oh, okay. We are going to Skeletor this shit. You also can see the single three-story spire of gray stone that Guzu had mentioned before that he said was called the Aurora Hold.

Aurora Hold. Cream. You can see portions of it are the stone structure and then elements of dark, almost tinted glass You can see portions of it are the stone structure and then elements of dark, almost tinted glass seem to make it up like a cathedral spire. It looms over the rest of the city, which doesn't have a lot of variation in its height.

Most of the buildings are built close to the ground, whether it be from limitations on the people who constructed it or just a cultural indifference to trying to make things with multiple layers. But you can see the distinctly elven elements to its design and structure, which makes it stand out even more against the rest of the city.

You also pass what looks to be inner city livestock pens with pigs that are kept in general pig conditions. Not terrible, but they love their mud and this is a good space for them. You can see one pen that has these giant aurochs that are being kept as beasts of burden that are pinned into each other into a small space. There's a portion of the ground where it looks like more of those roots, similar to those large fields you saw being cultivated on the outside of the city. There's a portion of the ground where it looks like more of those roots, similar to those large fields you saw being cultivated on the outside of the city. There's a smaller version of it being placed here.

Aurek? It's an ox. Yeah, a massive ox. Big, heavy, bison-type fur wreath around its head, huge horns. These in particular, you would probably pull a lot of the heavy equipment and from base to shoulder, probably stand about eight feet tall. Like a yak.

Can we go talk to the livery folk? Oh my gosh, can we ride these thingies with the fish eyes? Yeah. Can we go knock on the turtle shell and see if the turtle's still alive? Let the tortoise thing go for just a little bit. The turtle shell's not connected to the livery, right? No, no, no, it's the distance behind. And as a note, as you walk through the city,

denizens push past you, some pay no mind, some do give a curious look, because you're certainly not a troop of, mostly beast-looking folk. But they don't seem to stop you. Caleb noted the time when they cast their spells. Would his keen mind tell them how much is left? At this time, I'd say you have between 25

and 20 minutes left of those spells. The time has taken you to walk to the city and then make your way this far inside, keeping an eye for various details around you. What about, what if we split? What if we acquire some transport from the people that don't have the fear of changing back, and the others can make their way out of the city,

and we'll meet you out there? Or, or, we've seen some humans around here. They're just scummy. You could just, you know, muck up your face and just fit in. Or we just fucking recast the spell. Yeah. Right, yeah. Just let us know when we're running out of time.

I'm just saying, if we're going to be here for longer than two hours, and we don't want to keep recasting, we could maybe see if we could. Just beat the shit out of Beau, it'll be fine. Yeah! I'm so down to be scummy. Let's be clear about our goals here, though.

We were going to get something to ride and leave, yeah? Yeah. Okay. Good news is, while they're having this conversation, you're looking around the space, and you look back, and that big minotaur that you guys were following is now walking straight towards you. Oh god.

What do you mean? What do you mean? I don't want to be here! You guys don't know anything yet. We got company. All right, well, let's go see if there's someone working at the livery. Yeah. Is there a hut?

Is there a? Well, there's the large pen, and there is what looks to be maybe a 40-foot wide structure, rough thatched roof that's been treated with some sort of a heavy muck and or possibly creature mucus to give it a shiny rain-proof exterior. The front has a door, a rough-looking door

that's rounded at the top, but it doesn't quite fit properly into the entire entryway, but seems to be functional. Do you walk towards Livery? Yeah, that's why we're here. I'm staring at the minotaur. Yeah, you guys move towards Livery, he curbs and follows.

He's beelining towards you. I'm going to acknowledge with a bow once I notice that he's moving towards us. I'm going to smile and then remember that I'm Gothengoth. That's much better. He approaches. Only two of the Kryn soldiers that were with him

are now at his sides. The rest have gone inside the Aurora Hold, which seemed to have been his destination until someone had taken note. Before we came in here. Yeah, yep. So as he approaches and stops maybe 10 feet from you, towering over your lot,

about your height, maybe a little bit taller, but much wider and just burly. As soon as this final hoof fall hits the mud. Okay, I'm feeling the physical aggression. Just a presence. I'll give it to him. I'll get a little shorter. I must admit, I have not seen you

within the city before. This is our first time here. So color me curious. What is your business and whom do you serve? May I or do you want to? Our business is we're looking to collect some transport, maybe do a little trade while we're in town and head on our way.

As to our service, we are private contractors on what I will say of the many missions that we've put forward as one of our truer, more noble missions at this point. Contractors, what is your business? Whatever we're being contracted missions at this point. Contractors, what is your business? Whatever we're being contracted for at this point, just. Sell swords. Sometimes.

Smugglers. Sometimes. From where do you hail? Everywhere. Hello, Varad. Not Varad for me here. I need you both to make deception checks. I have a deception? 17.

You're definitely not from all over. You're from one place. That's fair. 19. 17. Okay, looks squarely at each of you as you say this and turns the nose a bit and like, gives a very brief nod.

You hear the plates of the metal creaking as he shifts the weight from one hoof to the other. That is beautiful, by the way. I've never seen anything like it before. And you never will. Handmade. Gorgeous. By who?

Like a really powerful artisan, Master Smith and stuff? You're Gotham? You're Goth. I'm Goth, I know, I'm Gothian. She's not moving her jaw. I was crafted from a sister of my house in celebration of my near Umavi ascension. Near Umavi ascension? You're definitely not from around here, are you?

Very much not. You don't know. Well, so sorts, are you? Very much not. Well, so sorts, if you're looking for work, there is work here in these lands in the time of war. If you can carry a blade, while we send most of our able-bodied soldiers to the front line, cleanup is a bit of a problem here at home.

I would say go ahead and talk to Lady Zathryth Olios within the Aurora Hold, if you're looking for contracted work. Say that name again. Lady Zathryth? Zathryth Olios. That is very generous of you. Zathryth Olios. I'm sorry. Forgive our partners, we didn't ask for your name.

Kind of gives you a look like, you can see in the way the head turns, like, you don't know your name. Kind of gives you a look like, you can see in the way the head turns, like, you don't know my name. He goes, I have had many names through many lives, but the one I take now is Sunbreaker Ullman. Sunbreaker Ullman? Ullman.

And is there a Mrs. Sunbreaker? Or? Are you flirting with the fucking minotaur? He's fucking hot. And you know, 50-50, my husband's dead, so. Wow. Wow. Wow.

We've been sending him messages every night. We've seen him a lot. He's behind enemy lines. The massive minotaur looks down at the goblin with a curled eyebrow and goes, Hmm. No. Whoa.

Don't make any messes. And he turns around and. Pleasure. Oh my god. I like it here. Just either way, I think he winked at you, I think he winked at you, I think Oh my god. I like it here. I think he winked at you, I think he winked at you. I couldn't tell, I couldn't tell. Through his piercing eyes.

Those were his horns, were piercing. His horns, not. Stay on task. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How much time, keep in mind. About 20, 15 to 20. At this point, about 15 minutes or so, for sure. Let's head into the livery

and see if there's a conversation there. Oliman. Sunbreaker. Almond? Oliman. Oliman. Knotbreaker Oliman. Oh, mo.

Anyway. Saddle up! Saddle up! Like a gerbil on a banana. Like a gerbil on a banana. Once again, Sam has ruined tomorrow morning's Twitter. DMs as red as his t-shirt. Never underestimate the player's ability. What the fuck with you?

So as you approach the wide structure that sits affixed to this large pen where these creatures themselves are currently held, the smell is strong. It's a combination of the fur, the dung, and this heavy, acrid smell that you can only attribute to the heavy, long, soaked piss. But as you enter the interior of the building,

you can see a series of goblins that are in the process of lounging, not doing their job, and they're sitting there drinking these little wooden cups of some sort of a liquid, and they're talking amongst themselves. You catch the tail end of conversation, Nott. One of them is just saying, This whole thing is just being ridiculous. Everyone's just taking stuff and not really paying for it.

Then as soon as you guys walk in, they all and sit upright and all look over on the opposite end, and you see, turning from the opposite side, this would be perfect. An older goblin, probably later in his years, a bit rotund, this puff of gray-white hair that sits at the back of the head and the front of it, just bald entirely, liver spots in the face, long nose

that seems to come to a gradual point towards the ground, a bulbous chin. Looks like Meg Mucklebones from Legend, but much smaller and a dude. What age is he? Does that mean he's 15, 16? Mm-hmm. Pushing 20, maybe 25. Oh!

Ooh. That's true. But you see this figure is missing both arms. Oh! Has a really, really nice, somewhat dirtied vest over no shirt, and has a pair of slacks where they're rolled up towards the knee

and then bare feet walking. They're black on the bottom and you can see the long dirty toenails haven't been clipped in a while and hook over the front of the toes. You can see him reaching up with one leg and finishes wrapping a rope around what looks to be some pole on the edge and then turns to the rest of you and goes,

How are you? You call me such a business, ain't I? On fire tonight. Hello, old Tyra. Thank you. Oh, hi. Hi there, little girl. Nice to see you. If that's the day we're having here. Court plays in Indian.

Do you manage these stables here? Aye, aye, welcome to Zorth's Pit, son, Zorth. Zorth? Yeah. Zorth? Zorth's Pit? I didn't try it. Family business, are these your or a kid? No, they're a bunch of peasants! They all scatter and one of them

carefully starts stepping into the pen with what looks to be a cluster of somewhat, maybe not the freshest meat, but it's like, they're over and tossing them in here. And immediately the goblin runs outside, looks back at the rest of you. Here we go, the best beast in the land here. You looking to borrow something, huh?

We are, or at least rent, lease, rent, borrow. Lease the loan, maybe. Yes, we've been taking a look at your stock here. I'm from the south of Xhorhas, so I'm not familiar with the animals up here. The moorbounders! Mawlbounders? Moorbounders! Moorbounders. That's the longer panther-like?

Yeah, they're from the swamps in the south. That's why I was familiar with them. Yeah, that's where you said you were from. You don't know what they are. Well, we call them something different down there. What do you call them? We call them swamp panthers. It's not very imaginative.

Well, we're... And not accurate either No, no, well, that's why Who am I, the judge? The nice young lady Coming in here to do some business And I'm not going to lie These aren't cheap

And looking at the bunch of you I don't know if they're in your wheelhouse to afford it But you know, let's give it a try anyway What you looking for? How many you looking to buy, huh? How many? How many you looking to buy, huh? How many? How many would we need? Can each one carry more than one?

Why, if you're included, they could probably fit three or one of them. But for the average-sized folk, oh, look at this big fella right here. He's pushing maybe two at most with him on there, but you know, conservatively saying. My face is covered in spittle. You had other creatures here, too, did you not?

Are there larger creatures? No, just him! Oh, didn't we see some larger beasts of burden? Those were other places, yeah. Okay. Okay. How much are we talking for one? For one? Well, let's see. Prices have been going up since they've been buying them

off me left and right for the war party, so pushing about 500 gold apiece. Ooh! They're dangerous, they're quick, faster than any riding horse you've ever seen. Single saddles, or do you sell custom double saddles? They can jump 30 feet in a single bounce! Not needing any sort of run-up at all! I don't know why I'm trying to drink right now.

Up and down trees, mountains, rocks, whatever you need. Cliff sides, no problem. They'll take you there. How's the resale value on these? Sorry, sorry, sorry. How's the resale value? If we bought these, could we sell them in another town for almost as much? If you got a good enough sales plan and you're very convincing, probably,

but treat them well, push them, feed them. Don't let them kill and eat you. I think you'll be good. Is this happening in common? Nope. This is goblin or common right now? This is common because it was a mixed group that came in here.

Has not slipped anything goblin-wise to you directly. Okay. That's a lot. I don't know if this is for four. How many would we need, do you think? Three, four? One, two, three. They can each hold two fully grown?

What about this big fellow here? That's what I'm saying, he's probably pushing it to two subs, maybe three if you're included. You know, for the big one. You're pretty tiny. You could probably do that, right? Three of them, maybe. We could probably get that, eh? Three of them, maybe. We could probably get away with two.

Two? No, we have three. Excuse me, my good sir. Yes, of course, what's your name? Gorth. Gorth? Yeah. Pleasure to meet you, I'm Zorth. Our names rhyme, that's silly. That is a coincidence, yeah.

Doesn't happen often. No. Tickles me belly. Doesn't seem very remarkable to me. I wanted to ask you... Yeah? How hard are these creatures to pick up, mastering them and riding them?

Can you just pick it up, or is it a learning curve? No, I'll probably have to give you some sort of a seminar when you purchase it, but that's part of the purchasing process, is to get a chance to sit you down and we'll go over the basics of maintenance and, you know, give them a name, get them used to it. Just a few hours of training, and I think it will be good, yeah.

A few hours, but just maybe one of us per creature, per beast, who knows how to... Preferably, yeah, it needs to bond to one individual, too, and it might get confusing, and it might pick one or the other one day and eat the head off of the one it doesn't decide, you know, if you didn't do it right, so you've got to be careful. Well, you know I am good with cats,

so this is sounding good to me. Oh, perfect! It's meant to be! How many are you buying? Zorth, you said that fighting forces were coming to take these from you. Well, they purchased a few. We've been trying to keep up. They're not paying full retail, though, are they? They're paying what they are supposed to pay, seeing as how they're keeping us safe from all the fucking bastards over the Ash Keepers.

And more power to them. I hope they kill those Empire scum. Damn right! I hope also that you've been giving them the best of your stock to fight in the front lines. Well, we keep as good stock. I mean, to be honest, the ones that don't grow up with the perfects, they get eaten by the firsts. So, you know, the ones that survive, they're usually the best stock regardless. All right, I'll switch to goblin. Listen, listen, listen. Goblin to goblin.

If we buy three of these, couldn't you cut your fellow gobby a deal here? Make a persuasion check. Natural 20. Okay, okay. Persuasion? Yes. Oh, there's no minus. So that's 15. Okay.

He goes, I can throw in a tiny statue of a dick. One of a kind dick statue. Leans in close. And? And we can't understand, we just see a purple out of a dick.

This was actually, this was a petrified dick. Really, of what? Of a tiny, tiny human, an ancestral human. No. That we found in a mine somewhere. Nope, well, no, it's there. No, it's a myth. Persuasion?

Deception. Deception. Wait, where's that ooh? 11. Here we go. Seems about right. I mean, no offense. I know, right? Humans.

Funny. Um. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, I know. But I'll tell you what. We can work for trade. What kind of trade are we talking? Hey, hey!

Get him! Well, he can't actually do that, he doesn't have hands. He actually snaps with his toes. Hey, hey! Oh, no, I see what you're doing. There we go, there we go. He's awesome, have hands. He actually snaps with his toes. Hey, hey! Oh, no, I see. There we go. He's awesome, he is super dexterous with his feet. I'm having a conversation with some prospective clients.

They all scutter off into a back room and close the little door. I'm in a bit of a pickle, to be honest. You see, I keep two subterranean nests where we breed our moorbounders, and something's moved into one of them. Kind of killed one of my last batches, my last clutch, whatever they call them, I don't know. Not very well studied on their history. I'm just good at raising them and selling them.

So, it got a bit scary, so I sealed it off with some chains. And if you'd be interested, maybe you could go down there and see what's inside there, see what the problem is, maybe kill it and I'll take your price down. How much down? You're looking to buy how many? Three. You do this for me, I'll give you all three for 750 gold.

Half price. Half price. Let me confer with my fellows. Yeah, course, course, go for it. All right, I will convey what was said. What do you guys think should we, oh shit, hold on. Hey, hey! Hey!

Is the monster or the nest, the place where we would be going within the confines of this city here or outside the city? No, it's here beneath the actual premises. Oh, it's right here. Okay, cool. Back in a few. Sounds unsafe. Did he say what it was? What are you talking about? He wants us to go kill an unknown creature for him and he'll knock half the price off.

Oh, that's great, yeah. That's still a lot of gold, though. Two thirds. I don't know if we can even get that much gold together. Sure can. I don't know if we can, though. I'm, I'm... We don't have that much gold.

Maybe you can knock the price down a little bit more. How much gold do we have? I don't have that much gold. Maybe you can knock the price down a little bit more. How much gold do we have? I don't have a lot of gold. We just don't have a lot of gold with us. I don't sleep on my home. You know what we should do? We should go down there and take a look at this beast and we'll decide on the way down.

What? Yeah, let's go see what's in this cave underneath. You just want to go? Yep. Well, I was actually going to recommend, maybe, we can send our tiny furry friend down there just for a little look-see, and then formulate whether or not this is a good deal or not.

Well, whatever we do, we should do it in the next six and a half minutes. Well, maybe we can. If we all go down into the cave, then maybe you can recast the spell. I did not cast Comprehend Languages, I don't know what that is, but yeah, we could go down below, just a scooch,

and I can do what you're talking about. I'm sure if we have a conversation about our individual issues, that if anything were to arise while we're in here, I think they seem like an understanding bunch. Also, I don't know if I have that much coin, but I have some gems and some other items, so. Well, if you don't have any gold to spend,

then why are you coming in here from the bar? We have some, we have some. Listen, we've decided to go down and take a look, assess the situation, and we'll come back with our verdict. Does that sound good to you? I'd prefer confirmation, because I don't... It's up to you. We can agree to do the job right now

if you cut the price down to 400 gold total. No. 500. 500. 500 gold total. 650 gold and that's all. 600 and a tiny dick statue. Yeah, that's good. 600 and a tiny dick.

Sold. I hold out my leg and say, Shake on it. Your foot, you're fairly dexterous, but it feels like a handshake. I hold out my leg and say, Shake on it. Your foot, you're fairly dexterous, but it feels like a handshake. Like the actual foot curves around, the heel hits, gives it a hearty shake, and withdraws back and looks at you all and goes,

50 gold, dick. So? So? I'll leave this for collateral. Goes and plucks it between the two toes and tucks it into a little pocket in the vest in front. I figure we go down there, if it gets rough, we'll just make an expeditious retreat.

Is it right there, right when you go down, or is it like? I'll lead you there. Okay. Okay. You ready? Let's do it. All right, come and follow me!

Turns around, moves behind where the pen was and beyond the door where the goblins were in there. You can see them peeking out as you guys walk by and chuckle and giggle behind the door. Getting a closer look at them, they're younger. Weird question. Yes. Are they laughing with us or at us? Are we being taken?

Making a what? Insight check. Insight check. Taken. That's good. That could have been so bad. 21. There you go.

Whispers, Gondolin whispers. Now listen to me very carefully. Guys, D&D Beyond is not aware that I'm running for president of their organization, but you should subscribe to their service. You'll follow up on this? I said I don't follow politics, I was talking to Sam.

Yeah, all right. On the far end of this chamber, you can see there's a heavy metal tunnel that curves around the back and that leads from where the pen is, yeah, there and that leads from where the pen is. Yeah, there you go. From where the pen reserve is where these creatures are being held and tethered into another back room.

He leads you inside and there is, this is a holding area. You can see where the breeding grounds are underneath. They're brought up here and then out into the pen as they get older, possibly. Inside here, you see there are large bundles of food. There are big, big piles of rolled chain that have been coiled and coiled.

There is a hatch that leads into a downward slope. He goes over to it, opens the hatch, and goes, All right, come on, follow me. Heads down into the darkness. We follow. Sure. Cast Light. All right, the on, follow me. Heads down into the darkness. We follow. Sure. Cast Light. All right, the light emanates.

The smell in here is worse than the interior, because it's a combination of the moorbounder shit. It's a combination of rot, like rotting corpse rot. The chamber curves a little bit, then goes straight, and then it splits off into two. There are two doors, heavy iron doors. One of them, you can see, has a small barricade that slipped in on the right side,

and then one on the left side has multiple pieces of metal pushed and propped up against it, chains wrapped around it, and what looks to be a series of metal pushed and propped up against it, chains wrapped around it, and a series of other poles and tools and things that are pushed up to try and keep it closed and at bay, as well as other furniture thrust against it. You can see it's been pushed back a little bit. Wow. Wow.

You don't mind me asking, did you get a good look at it before you barricaded this entry point? No! I went there and saw that one of my leaders was being eaten, and then it made a bunch of noises, and then I ran. You just heard it, right? Yeah, I'm not going to talk.

You see what I have to work with? Were the noises more squawks and shrieks, or barks, or growls? No, like small, angry squeaks, and then a big growl? No, like small angry squeaks, and then a big growl. Okay, okay. Will you be coming with us? No!

All right. This doesn't seem like too big of a deal. I think we'll be just fine. Pop in, kill the thing, and then pop on out. Are your little litters, is any of them in there, or? Unfortunately, not in that one. The one on the right is where the litter's being raised currently.

The one in there, not doing too well. He bows his head sadly for a moment. That's really sad. But hey, that's not in the waste. So you're just going to wait here on tippy toe while we go in? Yeah. Just all listening?

Actually, we prefer to work in a little bit of silence. If you'll just wait for us up top, we'll take care of this lickety-split. All right. Okay, I accept your terms. Okay. He goes over and pulls a key out of his pocket with his right foot and deftly unlocks one of the locks, pulls the chain off.

That's the big part, the rest of it is up to you. He screws up the previous chamber and then up the slope and out of sight. Am I still tiefling? Should we prep? We've got about one minute left. What's it look like when I change? chamber and then up the slope and out of sight. Am I still tiefling? We've got about one minute left. What's it look like when I change? Can you see a little bit of my features poking through?

What happens? No, it just happens instantaneously. Wait, can I look in your pants as it's happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You watch as the polymorph wears off. Describe it. Tell us. Six.

Does it just disappear, or does it? Four, three, two. It reverts. One. Happy New Year. I was in the pool! Oh, for goodness sake. Wow.

I was distracted, I was looking at the horn. I saw it, you should have been seen. I saw it, I saw looking at the horn. I saw it, you should have been seeing. I saw it. Okay. Hey, Deucy. Sorry. Why don't you come over here and put your ear on this wall and see if you can hear anything.

All right, I was. You want to make a perception check for me? Yeah. Ooh, that's terrible. 12. 12. You don't really hear much, unfortunately. It's pretty quiet. I might be sleeping.

Take your ear away for a second, and I'll go against the side of it. Okay. Now, do you hear anything? I would say both of you guys make a perception check. You would disadvantage, just based on the failure of the last roll. 17. 15.

Okay. It's still hard for you to pick up a little bit against the door. You hear what sounds like skittering. Yeah, on fucking spider level. Tiny squeaks, some scratching, more skittering. A ways away, it's like a distant echo, and you're only barely able to make it up against the door.

Yeah, sounds like a bunch of little things. But he did say a bunch of little squeaks, and then a roar. So maybe whatever the bigger thing is just has something to clean up the scraps. Or it was the sound of one of the panther things dying. Or perhaps we are talking about babies and mama. Yeah.

Could be babies and mama. Hard to say. Maybe it's like a spider, like a giant spider that had a nest of baby spiders, so there's like a thousand little baby spiders and then one giant big one. I like spiders. Well, let's go find out.

How many, is it supported by poles? giant big one. I like spiders. Well, let's go find out. How many, is it supported by poles? There are probably about 20 different poles, metal bars, pieces of heavy furniture leaned up against it. Whatever he and his goblin troop were able to muster, they pushed up against this door to ensure that whatever was in there did not come out. It looks like it's been hitting against it. Yeah. Oh. troop were able to muster, they pushed up against this door to ensure that whatever was in there did not come out.

It looks like it's been hitting against it? Yeah. Oh. It looks like some of the poles have been pushed into the ground a bit, and there's a slight gap at the top where the door looks like it's maybe pushed a little out of its hinge. Good deal. We should have asked how long. I'm going to bless you, and you,

and you. All right. Well, actually, do you want to wait to where, because it's a 60 second, do you want to make to where? It only lasts for 60 seconds? Yeah. Ooh. So do you want to wait to where? Let's go in.

We have to go in now. Yeah, we start removing the poles. Okay. Yasha helps you and it takes, doesn't take too long. Yasha's just peeling him off the door and between the two of you and anyone else who wants to help out, you manage to get to a point where the door eventually

hangs open a little bit, the top and bottom hinges loose. The bottom breaks off entirely and it opens up at an angle where now it's long ways occupying the same jam where the door previously was. Oh right, so instead of a thing, it's like it's opened, it's hatched slightly. It's opened and then slid to one side, so now you can travel under or over it.

That's at our advantage. If you wanted to, you could float some light down in that direction or send in your little friend to take a look. I'm looking at you, Widowgas. Yeah, but we are running out of time. About what? She has given her blessing to some of us, and that is.

She was saying she was going to do it as we're going in. Okay, okay. Oh, my cat. All right. Sending in Frumpkin. Okay, roll stealth, check for Frumpkin. Yeah. Good. Oh, but that's check for Frumpkin. Yeah. Good.

Oh, but that's cat stealth, it's 18 plus, so that is, where's my cat? 20. Okay. Then roll a perception check for Frumpkin, please. I summon a fel. Natural 20. Ooh! Okay. As Frumpkin heads into the chamber, it is a rough, carved tunnel that descends into a

subterranean cavern, maybe 50, 60 feet across before it comes to an end. It's not very wide, and it has a small opening towards the beginning, pinches a bit, and then curves around the side to end. It is damp, it smells awful, and from stepping down into the first area, you can see what look to be bones scattered across the front area. Small bones, at least small for the creatures that were in here, they look human-sized

in their tinier age, I guess. You see across one cluster, one mostly picked clean body of what may have been a young moorbounder, probably 30 or 40 large, crusty rats are clustered up over the body. Some of them are fighting for each other, squeaking at each other. Some of them are looking in the direction of the sound, and the little bit of light that's peeking through

from the door that's now been pushed to the side into the light spell that Caduceus has been maintaining. They're all pulling strips of flesh and whatever remnants they can from the bones and the corpse of one of these creatures. When you say large. Like about that big each. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on.

So looking through Frumpkin's eyes, I want Frumpkin to look at the ceiling. Okay. Frumpkin looks up at the ceiling, and you can see there are a few rough bits of rock and stone that seem to have either went through ancient seismic activity, have pushed through this cavern. While it was partially carved, there were some pieces

of heavy stone that couldn't be carved, and as such, they protrude and arc down a bit. Looking up, pressed between where these two stones are jutting out, there is what looks to be some sort of a creature, no details to be seen, but a large creature that has currently pressed all of its limbs against the two sides of the rocks,

and it's just suspended looking down. All of its limbs? You see it looks to be four arms or legs. It looks almost feline-like, from what little details that you can see, just pressed, American Ninja Warrior style, into the rocks, and just looking down.

A little bit of saliva drips from above. It's very dark in there. There's no light, it's black. I ask Frumpkin to slowly, slowly crouch down and low to the ground and back out of the chamber. Okay. Frumpkin slowly backs out. Backs out, backs out, backs out,

and then manages to come back to the doorway unnoticed. Snap him away from the door, and he's gone. Okay, so there's a rat situation. That's one thing, a lot of rats. But there is a big thing hanging from the ceiling, looking down at the floor. Looks big like a spider, or what? No, it was much, no, no, no. It was muscular, it looked maybe feline itself.

It looks like it is watching the room, so. Can you send in one of your big balls of fire? Like straight up to the ceiling or something? I do not have that ready today, because I thought we would do a little more talking in the city. Well. That's a bummer. Yeah, big bummer. We could do...

I have some oil. I's a bummer. Yeah, big bummer. We could do... I have some oil. I've got some thoughts. Fluffernutter! We could do some Fluffernutter! We could do something like Fluffernutter. I mean. Do you think we could make Fireline work here? We could. I mean. Do you think we could make Fireline work here?

We could. Okay. Fireline, ball of fire. Hmm. I would have to run in, though. We could tailor it. We could have Frumpkin do it and keep you safe. Frumpkin can't carry a bottle of oil.

That's true, that's true. What will you do when you get there, though? Keep running. Hide. You need to peel away. You need to get up to that point, douse them, and peel away. Okay.

Or we just throw in some black powder and you shoot it. Fluffernutter! Fluffernutter! I don't have any black powder. What the fuck? I have a big jar of burning oil. But that's similar, similar. Just doesn't. A thing that we have done before,

we could do it now, we could try it. Better than running in. You want to give it a go? Sure. Haff, you've been in there, visually. How far from the entrance is the creature? It was about midway into the chamber, and the chamber went back about 60 or so,

so 30, 35. Maybe I can use Mage Hand to carry in. That's even better. What if we could convince this thing to be like a steed? I could try and go in and talk to it. You mean tame the beast? Yeah. What if it's intelligent?

What if it's like a human thing? That would be unfortunate. I have not known a lot of positive instances of getting a wild animal to be all right with domestication. This idea, because that thing is not looking for a vial or a jar of anything floating through the air. We could drag it along, and then like you're cooking, you're seasoning your food, you could just douse the rats. Go all over the room with it?

Straight line to the rats, and then just juice the rats. Do it. And then. Do it, I'm into it. I'm juicing the rats, I'm juice the rats. And then. I'm juicing the rats, I'm not juicing the guy up top. I have no way to reach the guy up top. I'll juice the rats. You juicing the rats.

I'm juicing the rats. You like it or do it? You like it or do it? That's a fresh SNL sketch from 1980. Oh yeah. Only the freshest. He'll get you more juice. All right, we're going to try something.

A set play. Okay. So in this moment of intense quiet as you gather your supplies to prepare for your plan, take a deep breath. And we'll come back at the end. Ah! What are you doing?

We can take a break now and then jump into whatever this is going to be when we return. We'll be back here in a little bit. We're going to take a short break, folks. We do have our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway. Wyrmwood. To the end. Wyrmwood.

Our direct. The Wyrmwood. Oh, it's so pretty. I'm going to mispronounce the shit out of this. Yeah, you are. Paddock, arr, arr. You got the one more. Oh, it's so pretty. I'm going to mispronounce the shit out of this. Yeah, you are. Paddock. Gorgeous wood.

Paddock. Paddock, right? Yeah, it's beautiful, it's orange. It's a great color. It's like fire red. Yeah, or as they put it here, genus, sorry, genus Pertocarpus, Pterocarpus, maybe, I don't know. I'm, I just, I don't try and pronounce things

on this show anymore. I get enough shit as it is, I don't know. I'm... So Latin. I don't try and pronounce things on this show anymore. I get enough shit as it is, so I'm pretty glad. So one of your lucky winners gets to win this since you're in our Twitch chat. You just have to enter the keyword beasts, plural, beasts, once, more than once, and you'll be disqualified. Once again, it's only for people in the U.S. and Canada, excluding Quebec, because of dumb laws,

but you will return here with a winner post-haste. See you guys in a little bit. Oh, hey there. Laura Bailey here to tell you all about the glorious goods we create inspired by our stories. Our stores are filled

with the basics, like character-inspired T-shirts, dice sets and pins, as well as more specialty items like fancy jackets, puzzles featuring gorgeous artwork, the comfiest joggers and pajamas ever, and much, much more. There's also a few special items that support charity efforts, like our dedicated Critical Role Foundation merch. You can check out all of our

regional online stores by visiting the Shop tab on critrole.com, or head straight to the U.S. store at shop.critrole.com. Every purchase helps support our shows and the stories we tell. Speaking of which, let's get back to the story. And welcome back, everyone. Laura will be jumping in here in just a second. She's taking care of baby stuff. But in the meantime, we have our winner of our one-word giveaway, which is Jochasra.

I believe that's it is Jochasra. I believe that's it properly, Jochasra. Congratulations, we'll go ahead and get you your brand new spanking Wyrmwood dice box ASAP. Getting out spankings? You should be so lucky. So, as you guys begin to prepare yourselves to enter this chamber.

Yeehaw, Matt. Yeehaw, Sam. Yeehaw, Sam. Y'all come back now, you hear? I'm so happy. Best idea. It's the best. All right, so for you guys, to try and ascertain what your setup is

as you head into this chamber, I would like you guys to figure out what your placement is. So if we're at this point here, who's going in first? Nott is right at the door, because we're going to try to pull some shit. Caleb's right at the entranceway there. Caleb, you're at the front? Well, I will go to the other side of that chamber, that hallway. Yee-haw.

Yeah, and then take three steps backward. Yeah, that's good. Okay. And I am preparing a firebolt to launch at the ground. So three steps back? Oh, I'm sorry, I just meant five feet. Okay, gotcha. So yeah, that's perfect.

Fucking hell. Okay. What is going on? I'm trying to sleep over my belt. All right, so that's Caleb and Nott. Where's everyone else going? I'd like to be towards the back, but not at the back. All right, so there we are.

That's good. Okay. Did everybody roll initiative? Not yet. Combat has not yet begun. Who do we want in front? I mean, we should probably put Yasha towards the front, I imagine.

I'd like to be up near the front as well. All right, we'll put Yasha behind Doria and Fjord there. In front of Caleb? Because I'll be next to Caleb. Okay, Beau? I'll be behind Caleb, or wherever. Next to me? Near Caleb, yeah. That works.

All right, and are you keeping your blink dog at bay? He's going to sit outside for this one. Okay. You watch as Nugget curls back into the exit portion of the chamber and kind of. Sit down. Don't make any noise. I don't know if he understands me, but he's real cute.

You just sit there, looking at you expectantly. You still have a ferret around your neck? Yeah. But a goth ferret. Yeah. Ferret with an R on her. A gerret. So, Mighty Nein, what would you like to do?

From as far as Frumpkin could see, from how far Frumpkin went into the chamber, that was as far as it went. That's all you know. And the rats were whereabouts? Right there. That's the only play at the moment. Okay.

I'm going to attempt something, and it's definitely going to work and kill everything in there in one move. Watch and learn. Sounds confident. Well, we'll flush things out. Here we go. Fire line! I don't yell that. I don't yell fire line.

Okay. I whisper, fire line! Gotcha. Fire line. I cast Mage Hand. Okay. I take my purified pot of oil, burning oil. I had purified some alchemist oil before. Certainly.

And with the Mage Hand, I'm going to, starting maybe 10 feet from where we are, the hand is going to start pouring it out slowly as it carries it down in a line. 15, 20, 25. Yeah, it can get... If I need to, I'll step in. You may have to step in a little closer for the 30-foot range of Mage Hand, but that's about as far as you need. I'm going to step in closer than that.

Behind Nott. Caleb, you move in behind Nott. I'm throwing this thing. I'm just going to douse the rats, right? Straight line up to the rats and then season them like your cooking pasta. Can Nugget fight? Nugget can also die, it's up to you. Wow! Let Nugget fight.

No, no, no, no, no. Just let you know. But yeah, good to know. Yeah. God forbid. Stop it. Some things never change. All right, so going to make a line towards the rats,

and then when it gets around the rats, just a bunch of figure eights all over the rats all around. Okay. When it seems like it's out, I'm going to to Caleb and say, Fire line! Okay, so the oil vial drifts out, pouring the line, you hear it scattering across

the floor of the stone interior cavern. Splattering and droplets hitting the stone. As it pours out, some of the rats towards the sound. They have a dark vision of 30 feet, so they see you, Nott. So, right? All of them, you see in a second, all of a sudden,

about 14 pairs of eyes suddenly glow as a little bit of light is peeking from the tunnel behind where Caduceus has had the spell out, catches the back of their retinas, and they all glean in your direction. Then a few more. There's a large cluster of rats over there. Now I need everyone to roll initiative. Is the oil mid-flight at this point? The oil has just reached them and is now pouring over them, but they just noticed Nott and they're starting to

scatter as the oil's spilling in their direction. That is terrible. Yep. Going last is probably good as a cleric, to be fair. This is true. Are we still blessed? Yes, you guys are blessed. Does that count for initiative?

No, only for attacks and saving throws. All righty, so 25 to 20. 24. 22. All right, 20 to 15. Yasha rolled a 19. Ooh. And Beau, you're 18?

Correct. All right. 15 to 10. 10. It's good. 10 to five? Six. All right. Clerics at the end are nice, because I can undo anything terrible that happened.

Beautiful. All right, so top of the round, as soon as you hear the cluster of hisses and shifting of darkened rat bodies and the shadow across the way, because you guys, most of you have darkvision, but those who don't, there's limited light in here, and you cannot see really beyond the threshold

of this chamber. Jester, you are first. Do they know we're here? The rats do, but that's about it. You're way in the back, so you might not even see what's going on. Okay. A pear or something?

Fuck it, I'm just going to do it. Yeah, I was going to do it. I'm going to throw daylight into the chamber. All right, what's the range on it? 60 feet. I'm going to put it right on the top of that little leg. Yeah. All right, daylight fills the chamber, revealing the rest of it.

You can see where it continues and arcs around the way. That's as much as you can make out from this distance. You don't see anything else immediately visible from your vantage point. But the chamber is very bright. It is like it's daytime, cloudless sky within the room. The rats. I just thought they wouldn't like light.

All righty. So, as far as that's concerned, daylight. Yeah, there you go. So that's your action. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I already did a spell, so I can't do my bonus. Yeah, that's going to be my move. All right, you're going to stay where you are?

Yeah. All right, Jester stays there. Next up on that is Nott. I'm going to stay where you are? Yeah. All right, Jester stays there. Next up on that is Nott. Do I see with the light being cast, do I see the thing that was on the ceiling? Make a perception check. Is this my action to perceive? This is just a quick glance up,

or the daylight's going to make it a little more. Four. Four. You do not. The ceiling itself, it comes to a pincer point where a lot of the stones are jutting down and creating this comparably, what would be normally a 15-foot high ceiling, comes down about 10 feet where a lot of these rock shapes are jutting out from the sides and the ceiling. You do not see the creature that was mentioned by Caleb.

The robust group of boss in the ceiling? Yeah. I'll move forward and to my right in that little jut out area there, or maybe where the still, if, I'm looking for a place to hide, so either that jutted out area there. Here or over here? If there's a hiding spot

where your finger is right now, that would be great. There might be, yeah. Okay, I'll go there. 20, you seem to have, at least can get behind a series of natural stone and rock formations that cluster on that side of the wall. Bonus action, hide. All righty.

And then hold my action until I see that creature. I'll just hold the crossbow. Okay, ready to shoot it when it appears? Yes. You got it. That ends your turn, Nott. It is Yasha's go. Yasha would like to use her 40 feet to come within the cave, all the way in, as far as she can.

There's going to be a line of fire. 35 to 40, we'll get her right up to the... Right. Let's... Where did the rat start? Right where Yasha is. Let's back it up like 10 feet. Okay.

And out of the line of fire, basically. To the right. Oh, to the right? I mean, it's from where I was standing. I'll go fire, basically. To the right. Oh, to the right? I mean, it's from where I was standing. I'll go protect, she will protect Nott. Okay, so Yasha. She'll be over there. Steps over and becomes part of the barrier

that's hiding Nott. And she would, with her bonus action, she would like to rage. Okay. And she will hold her attack for when something comes within melee range. You've got it. All right, Yasha finishes her go, Beau, you're up.

Okay, I go, sorry, excuse me, Jess. Excuse me. Sorry, excuse me, Fjord. Sorry. I hear there are rats. You know, I wanted a pet rat once. My mom wouldn't let me have one. It's really sad.

They're actually pretty clean. That's your turn. Animals. Next up. Is that you, Deidre? I mean, yeah, maybe hold my action for an attack, but yeah, I want to move forward past everybody and come up towards Caleb, but out of the way. So there, maybe?

Yeah. Okay. So you're talking and saying this as you walk past. Yeah, I heard rats. All right. Just as the oil flask, which is emptied now all over the rats, gets dropped and shatters on the ground right next to it.

That finishes your go, Beau? Yep. All righty. At the end of that turn, you hear and leaping from that ceiling portion down towards where Yasha is, you see a massive beast entity. In some ways cat-like, in some ways dog-like.

It has large bone-like spine protrusions along the row of its back between its shoulder blades. You can see patches of fur and robust ribs that are pushing against very tightly pulled skin. It looks like it's starved or itself just a gaunt and skeletal in nature, but it is probably about 10 feet from front to back. As it leaps down towards her, you can see it attempts

to make a multi-attack on Yasha. Whoa, that's huge. But first, you get your attack, as does Yasha. Whoa, that's huge. I'm into it. But first, you get your attack, as does Yasha. Oh, plus this for attack? Yeah. 29 to hit. That hits.

Am I hidden enough to get a sneak attack? It is adjacent to Yasha, so you don't have to worry about it. 25. 25, that hits. Holy fuck. Right in front of you. Jesus.

Oh, okay. 34 to hit. I mean, 34 points of damage. Ooh, nice. 15 points of slashing damage. Slick. As it jumps down from the ceiling, Yasha strikes with the Magician that's

dodged through the air right as you release your bolts. You hear as it rears slightly from the attack, but the momentum still comes clambering down towards the ground and then up towards Yasha. At this point, you see that it has a tail, a long tail, a hooked, curved tail. What? Scorpion tail? What? It has what looks to be a hooked barb at the end

that's about a foot long. Oh no. So first it's going to strike with its bite attack against Yasha. That's going to be 19 to hit. That hits. All right. She's really got to do something to her armor class. Seriously. What's her ACF? 14. That's really got to do something to her armor class. Serious. What's her ACF? 14.

That's low. No. What? Wait. No, not 34 points. 31 points of damage. Okay, gotcha. It's all good?

Everything's equipped. All right. That is... 27 points of piercing damage to Yasha, reduced to 13. Cool. And the tail stinger arcs in towards her to make a strike as well. That's going to be another 19 to hit.

That hits. That hits once in a row. She takes... 15 points of piercing damage reduced to seven. As the stinger at the end of the tail strikes and dives into right where the clavicle and the neck meet, sinks in and she pulls and yanks it out. She does need to make a constitution saving throw

for him, though, if you don't mind. That she gets a d4 added to. Yes. I have d4s over here. So who is not blessed, I would say? Well, only three people are blessed, right? Yeah, it's only three blessed right now. Fjord, Beau, Nott.

17, 18. Oh, I thought it was Yasha, Beau, Nott. No, Fjord. Oh, never mind, she does get that d4 then. 17. All right, so who is it? It's Fjord, Beau, Nott. Oh, the only three.

Fjord, Beau, Nott, so she does not get a d4. I was just a one, so 17. 17, okay, that's fine. Four, nine, got it, okay. So the stinger withdraws, she pushes it out, she can't grasp the wound for a second, doesn't seem to have any effect. Okay, okay, okay.

I was holding my attack, can I do some shurikens at it? Sure, yeah, that's true. You were holding your attack. Can I do some sure things at it? Mm, sure, yeah. That's true, you were holding your attack for range, so go for it. So, bing bing. Bing bing bing bing. Bing bing bing bing bing bing.

First attack. Natural 19, so 27. 27, does it, yeah. Plus a d4. These are just d4 damage, right? Or are they monk weapons? We've gone back and forth about this. We talked about darts for Azshuriken, I remember.

Shuriken. But I'll just do a d4 for now. I don't know. That's pretty good. That's a three plus five, so that's eight damage for the first one. Do I get to do two? I get to do two, right?

Action? Or do I just do one? By the rules, it's one, but we've been house-trolling that you can take the full. That means that also I get to use it against you guys as well. Yeah, who just throws one? That's another natural 19.

But I'll do the d4. Okay, seven. Yeah, seven damage. Okay, that finishes your go? Yep. All ready. Next up is, what finishes that turn? Fjord, you're up.

Yep, yep, yep. We haven't even done the line of fire yet. Nope. Sweet ass. All right, yep. We haven't even done the line of fire yet. Nope. Nope. Sweet ass. All right, yep. Yee-haw! That's cheap, man. You'll get all of it, I swear.

Rude and cheap. Happier than a jackass eating cactus. I'm going to move in and get just in front of Caleb, down on that ledge. I will stay there and with my bonus action, I will cast Hexblade's Curse on whatever the fuck that thing is. All right. It's a puppy kitty.

Half puppy, half kitty. I will hold my attack action if it comes from the melee range. You've got my attack action if it comes within melee range. You've got it. All right, that ends your turn. That brings us now to the rats. Rats. Rats.

So this one. Five, get right in between. You can move when people's spaces. Oh no. That doesn't make a huge difference as a swarm. Also, another rat swarm comes out of the corner here. Oh, dope. Oh yeah.

Comes around and occupies Yasha's space. Mr. Kool-Aid man. It's going to make a round of bite attacks against you, Beau. That's going to be a 16 to hit. Miss. So the rats begin to swarm around you and you kick and beat them around. Signal, no! Attacking Yasha, that is 14 to hit. That just is her. Yasha then takes the, the rats begin to

climb up and bite around her legs and knees and some of them jump up towards her and she's trying to whack them away with her hand and she's focusing on the creature ahead of her. She takes nine points of piercing damage. So five total. Yes, or four total. That finishes their go. Caduceus, you're up. Oh man, no, I'm after you.

I'm six, so you go, so Caleb goes first. Oh, okay. Right, Caleb, you rolled a five for your initiative battle. Oh, so I goes first. Oh, okay. Caleb, you rolled a five for your initiative battle. Oh, so I am first. Okay, this is going to be interesting. Can I get within 30 feet of the big fella? Probably, yeah. There's no way. You can't cast Bane on rats,

on a rat swarm, can you? That's a creature. Is it technically a creature? It is a swarm, technically. I'm going to cast Bane on as many things in this room as I can cast Bane on, which is technically three, as long as they're within 30 feet. That's true.

And it's a charisma save. Oh, that's right, okay. You know, you got a shot. Six for the rats on this end. Yeah, close, but no cigar. Yeah, I like it when you talk shit like that. That is 14. Still no.

Rolled a natural 18 with a minus four charisma. And a big fella. 16. It's a charisma save of 16? Correct. Natural 17, minus one. So did he save, or did he? Did he see 16? Then he saved, yeah.

Ah, motherfucker. Sorry. That's okay. And then I'm going to use my bonus action. We have my bonus action. I'm going to have my bonus action to, I'm so sorry, cast, where are we, action? There we are. Healing Word on Yasha really quickly.

You can do that, right? Yeah, 60 feet. Yeah, you can. So just. Well, you cast Bane, so you cannot do Healing Word in the same round. Oh, I can't do Healing Word in the same round? Okay, thank you. I can never remember.

It's okay. It's one spell and a cantrip. Then I will use my other one to release the swarm of angry beetles. Swarm on swarm violence! I'm going to put the beetles on the creature who's being a jerk. Sure, whereabouts? 30 feet? Do it right there. On him, like he's going to be the beetles on the creature who's being a jerk. Sure, we're about 30 feet.

Do it right there. On him, like he's going to be in the middle of it, and they're going to take a bite. All right, go for it. All right, where are we? Here's my blight staff. Okay, I just have to go to creatures, so I can figure out how to do this. That's an attack. That's my bite. All right. That's a 15. 15. That hits. It hits. Oh wow, that's so nice. Let's get a few d4s here. I don't trust Matt right now.

Two, three. 15 hits of the thing? Yeah. Not everything has huge armor classes, Travis. That's a deep-ass cave. This ain't done. That's terrible. Three, five, that's just seven points of damage. Seven points of damage?

Seven points of damage. And he's irritated. He is. The beetles are climbing and biting in various parts of the patchy hair and fur across its body already has exposed bits of dull gray and liver-spotted exposed portions that the beetles are all climbing onto

and clinging and carving bits out. It shakes them off best it can. How much did you heal Yasha? Oh, that's... You couldn't. You couldn't. That was what I didn't say. Yasha looked at you disappointed. Is that your turn?

Yeah, that's my turn. Caleb. Six seconds ago, it was just Caleb and Nott standing on that little ledge, and Caleb was starting to swirl a little bit of fire in his hand and then fucking pandemonium broke out. So Caleb just watched and went, oh, oh, oh, and the ball just goes from his hand and hits the oil on the ground. That's going to be against the both rats. The oil on the ground. Yeah, the oil on the ground. Those rats, those rats, the guy, and the beetles all suffer the

flame explosion as it burns across. It's a dexterity saving throw for each of them. Strangely, yeah, they made it 15, so they managed to only take... Oh wait, they take out a d4 negative to that. Oh, yeah. That's true. Thank you. That'll do it. 11, they missed. No, they failed. That is five points of fire damage to that rat swarm. The other one, no, they fail. That is five points of fire damage to that rat swarm. The beetles?

Seven. Seven. They take five points of fire damage. Okay, they are almost there. The creature, national 18 plus one, 20. It makes the save, so it takes no damage. And I will finish this turn. Caleb just backs out of the room going, oh, oh, oh, and walks back and stands next to Jester. Okay, there you go. Well, we look alike.

All righty. So that finishes your turn. Jester, you're up first. Okay, I'm going to cast Spiritual Weapon. All righty, where you putting it? At fucking fourth level. Fourth level, nice. I'm going to put it right above the dude.

All righty, Spiritual Weapon. That's my bonus action, so I'm going to try to hit it. Yeah. All right. 14? 14, chest misses. Oh, yay. Okay, then I'm going to cast

Toll the Dead as my action at the guy. It's a wisdom save? Yes. Natural 20. Cool, that was a really fun turn. Sorry. Some days, man. Wisdom save? Yes. Natural 20. Cool! That was a really fun turn. Sorry. Some days, man. But you got your candy out there in the field.

You did. This is Sam Edelman for the Church of the Traveler. End of Jester's turn or not, you're up. Unless you want to move. You're good? Get up and run deeper into the cave. Yeah. Right past the thing, using bonus action to disengage.

Whoa! 15, 20, 25, 30, 35. That's as far as you can get there. Okay. I'll turn around. Well, do I see anything back there? Make a perception check. Okay.

Nope, seven. Okay, yeah. When I get there, I'll turn around and fire a crossbow bolt into the big thing. You got it, roll for attack. Oh yeah, plus things. That's 29 again. 29 again hits, yeah, roll damage. Still sneak attack as it's engaged.

As it's engaged with Yasha. Whoa! Oh no! Okay. Six, six, five, five, one. Yep. 29, 29. Six, six, five, five, one. Yep. Yep. 29, 29. Ooh! Oh shit.

One low roll, the rest are high. It's like the thing splintered in it. Oh god. As it's currently being assaulted by a cluster of beetles biting into its side, flames burst from underneath it, and Yasha and her both clashing with jaw and blade in its hindquarters.

The bolt slips in there and you watch the tail suddenly instinctively pulse and reflexively tense itself from the pain that it's now suffering from the damage. I'll add a Fury of the Small, another eight points of damage. Sure. 37 points of damage in one hit, not too bad.

Okay. That's your turn. That's only a little bit better than my turn. Yasha's go. Yasha's going to stay in the melee range of the creature and is going to try and work her way around and grapple the stinger on the tail. Okay. So she can move around this way.

She wants to go through the difficult terrain, or it's going to be 510, 1520, 2530, 3540. She'll get right there to try and grapple its tail. Let's try and do that. The rats do get an attack of opportunity on her. Okay. No, not with the minus four from the bane. She moves around, go ahead and make a,

I'll say make an athletics check for her because she's raging, she does have advantage on it. That is 17. 17. She manages to grapple the creature and she's holding the tail. It's grappled, it can't move. It can still strike with it.

If she wants to, next round, she can attempt to continue to actually restrain the tail and prevent it from attacking. Okay, okay. So it is grappled, and if she wants to next turn, she could hold it and make it unable to do anything. Okay. Got it. All right, it does get attacked with it this turn, but I'll say it's a disadvantage.

Does the grapple count towards keeping her rage up? Yeah, it's still an attack. Great, okay. All right, that finishes Yasha's turn. Beau, you're up. I'm going to dart across, parkour off of the stalagmite, because I'm a boss.

Five, six, five, ten, fourteen. Nope, in front of the cat-dog's face. Where I was hiding. Yeah, and I jump, and I'm going to come down, and I'm going to rocket punch it with my staff to its throat. You got it. The rats already used the reaction,

so there's no other thing. Do I get advantage? Or no? No, you don't get advantage on it. Okay. That's a 19 again. Yeah, it is. That keeps happening, and I'm super into it.

Oh god, and I rolled a max damage. 13. 13, oof. Nice. Second staff. As you come down, whack with the staff over the top of its head, it whips off of the side, slobber, scatters across the rock floor, and it has to catch itself.

It's starting to look woozy. Next, I want to bring the staff back up in reverse with 20 to hit. That hits, roll damage. Yeah, 10 damage, crack. Crack, all right. Ooh, it's looking really bad. Then I'm going to turn to Yasha,

and I'm going to say, you chasing tail. Then I'm going to do Flurry of Blows, and I'm going to go pop pop. Wow. I want to give you disadvantage for this attack. Does her tiefling dick grow back? It's like a Disney, like The Little Mermaid. There's just this little like.

It's subliminal. Yeah. First attack, natural one. Yeah. You're so involved in your shitty phrase to Yasha that you look back and go, oh! I meant to do that next one. Come on. That's better.

Still your d4 there, too. No, that was a natural one, but yeah, still a d4. So that's 21 plus, okay, 24. 10 damage again. 10 damage. You miss that one strike and you turn back and it turns its giant jaws towards you, its mouth open, the strings of slobber

stretching from across its teeth. As it rears back, Yasha holding its tail, you whack, just uppercut it right in the chin and you hear and it falls unconscious on the ground. Unconscious. Not dead. You could still wake it up and tame it.

Impressive. Should we wake it up and tame it? There might be more in here. Hexblade's curse is unfortunately gone. The what? Hexblade's curse is gone. Oh, right. But you gain temporary hit points from it, I think?

Yeah. That's okay, I haven't been hit at all. All right, that ends Beau's turn. Yep. All righty. Now the dragon's turn. Sorry. As you watch it collapse, and there's this,

oh cool, we can go ahead and maybe tame this thing. Nott, you hear. Yep. You look up above, and on an upper platform up here as well as around the corner are two more of the same creature looking right at you as they both run in and leaping down there and there. Oh shit. First one is going to make two attacks at you, one with the bite and one with its tail stinger.

That is going to be 19 to hit. Hits. All righty. You take... Oh no. Oh no. Nice narrow cavern, too. 22 points of piercing damage. Oh no. Nice narrow cavern, too. 22 points of piercing damage.

Okay, I guess I'll uncanny dodge that one. All right, so you take 11 points of piercing damage, you can mark that, and the Tail Stinger is going to attempt to strike at you. That is going to be a 22 to hit. Hits. You then immediately suffer 14 points of piercing damage,

and you need to make a constitution saving throw. With a d4. Correct. Okay. Make it a little higher. Great. Better, better. 15.

15, you succeed the saving throw. Oh, thank you. As you feel a toxin pushing into your body, you manage to wrench it from the front of your chest and sternum, and you watch as some of that weird, oily poison venom just out the back of it as you remove it from the wound. As you push it away, the other one comes in

to bite you from the opposite end. That's going to be a 15 to hit? No. That you duck below, and its bite hits the side of the rock wall. Tail Stinger is going to come at you. That is duck below and its bite hits the side of the rock wall. Tail stinger is going to come at you. That is a natural 20. Yeah!

You're more than 30 feet away, aren't you? From you, yes. Yeah, never mind. Can't do anything. All right, so you suffer 30 points of piercing damage from the tail as the stinger just hits you in the abdomen and lifts you like a foot off the ground.

You're actually held there for a second to make another constitution saving throw. That's a natural one. You are poisoned and you are paralyzed. Yeah! Oh! Crap. Okay, all right, all right, all right.

Where the fuck are you? That was a bad call. I mean, yeah, no. It was really bad. Well, it's not really bad, but it's bad. You're dead. Just paralyzed and poisoned. But they both have gone now?

They both have gone? They both have gone, and they're going to back away now. It just not to go too far. This one's going to go ahead and drag you this way in the corner. In its jaws, pulling you off of the stinger or the other, and it pulls you away. You watch as Nott's, you're still conscious, right?

Yeah. But you just watch as she's eyes open, dragged on the ground, hands and crossbow being pulled across the stone. That ends their turn. That now brings us to Fjord. Yeah. I am going to

bring myself within 30 feet of where Nott is. Okay. I guess I'll come forward as much as I need to. 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. Yeah, no, just 30 feet away from Nott. Oh, 30 feet away, I see. Yeah, I'm going to use my bonus action with the Summer's Dance falchion to Misty Step to Nott.

All right. You then, something, poof, appear partway across the chamber right next to Nott. I'm going to reach out and grab her and go, Bad Doggy, and I'm going to cast Thunder Step. Ooh! And I'm going to bring Nott with me. Okay, what's the saving throw on Thunder Step?

Impressive. It is a constitution 16. 10 plus six, 16. It just makes it, it still takes half damage. Yeah, it does, yeah. So go ahead and roll damage on that. Okay, that's 4d10 now. All righty.

And 12. 22, 28. Yeah, 28 plus eight. 14 points of thunder damage to it. As you appear, grab Nott, and then this quaking impact, this blast shakes the interior of the chamber. You watch as pieces of loose stone and rock

tumble from the ground as a whole layer of dust is shaken loose from the roof of this cavern, slowly drifting down as other pebbles fall. You see as Fjord reaches out and grabs you and you both vanish. Where do you want to be placed? We're going to shoot back up to where Caduceus is. Yeah!

Drop the knife. All right. You both vanish. Where do you want to be placed? We're going to shoot back up to where Caduceus is. Yeah! We're going to drop it. What a move. All right. Greens stick together. Yeah. Drowning victims. Yeah. All right, does that finish your turn?

Yes. All right, that ends Fjord's go. Now it's the rats' turn. Now, these rats, this right here's going to move up to Caduceus there. This one's going to go ahead and also move up to your area there, Caduceus. You now have these two rat swarms,

they start clawing up the side of the rocks and swarming up towards you, and then around the left side, you see the other swarm spin up in your direction. That's fine. First one's going to go ahead, I'm going to roll a d4, since they have bane on them. Yeah. That is 12.

That does not hit. That does not hit. That one I'm going to use Shield of Retribution on, just to be, just because that's fun. Yeah, just to be a dick. So they suffer, there we go, that second group of rats takes 4d6 force damage. That's

14 points of force damage, and they have to make a strength saving throw or be pushed 20 feet directly away from me. Three, they fail. Which one do you want to cast on? The second one, whichever one was the second. Whichever one's closest to Nott. This one? Yeah, 20 feet away.

All right, so you guys care about me so much. So you watch as they climb up and start attacking, Caduceus just pulls the shield, right? Mm-hmm. And just slams a foot into the ground and the shield suddenly emits this vibrating, impacting wave of arcane or divine energy and forces outward.

You watch as the rats just scatter back in this net of furry bodies that all pelt the ground about 20 feet away, not far from where you're standing, Beau. And they all gather in the center to form into their swarm once more. The swarm is actively thinned out. It's half the swarm it used to be.

Aw. Aw. Still whole on the inside, though. There you go. Mostly. Wrecking. Kind of. All right, that's going to finish their go. Caduceus, you're up. I'm going to cast, can I touch a knot at this point? You can move over and touch a knot. I'm going to move over and touch a knot. How can I touch a knot at this point?

You can move over and touch a knot. I'm going to move over and touch a knot. How do you touch a knot? I'm going to just very gently give a little pat and I'm going to cast Lesser Restoration. Okay. I'm going to pick Paralyzed because that'll be a beginning.

Okay. And since that's a second level spell, as a bonus, can I cast something that's a lower level? I can't remember how the duel, wait, no, I also have a- Only a cantrip. Only a cantrip, not a bonus action, even with a- No, as it works, you can cast one spell per round.

Yeah, all right. You can take a feat, though, to do that. Yeah, which feat is that for? It's a max. It's an entire round. Okay, next time. Next time. But yeah, so that's what you got right now. You can cast Lesser Restoration, and that's your turn,

unless you have a bonus action spell. Bonus action, the insects. Suppose I can cantrip. If the bonus action's, I'm going to move the insect swarm to whatever's the closest thing to them. The rats, you just push back. Yeah, all right, and then they're going to take a bite. Go for it.

And with that, you are no longer paralyzed, Nott. Yay! You are still frozen. Terrible, it's a seven. Okay. As I whip out of my paralyzation, I look at Caduceus and I'm confused. Say it, though. Sunbreaker, is that you? With paralyzation, I look at Caduceus and I'm confused. I get that a lot.

Sunbreaker, is that you? No one's ever called me that before, but. As you're having this discussion, you hear this. It's okay, I only saved your life. There you go. He looks like a minotaur. You hear the screaming of dozens of rats as beetles feast upon their corpses.

Oh yeah! Swarm on swarm violence ends with the death of that rat's woman. Swarm on swarm violence. There we go. That finishes go, Caduceus. Caleb, you're up. Yeah, I will take a straight walk forward

and plant myself next to Caduceus and look past Beauregard and Yasha and smearing molasses on my hand as I go and I turn my hand in a counterclockwise circle and cast Slow 120 feet away on these two beasts. On those two beasts there? You got it. All right. Wisdom 16.

Wisdom 16. All righty. One on that end there. Natural 14 plus five, 19. One around the corner. That's five. Yeah, they have plus five wisdom save. 10 plus five, 15. Oh, it's that one, Fitts. So that one fails. So that one is slowed. That's a 20. They're really intelligent.

Right, your DC 16? 16. Yes, that one is slowed. Maybe we can tame the unconscious one. Or all of them. All righty. So slow is, they can only take attack and- Attack or bonus action.

Action or bonus action, not both. Correct. AC is reduced and movement is? Halved. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I'll get back to you on that. That's fine, okay. Well, there you go, you cast your slow spell. Is that your turn?

Speed is halved, takes negative two to AC, and dex saves, yeah, that is my turn. Okay, cool. And in that go, top of the round, Jester, you're up. Okay, I'm going to step in the doorway and I'm going to point to the back like I'm about to swing a baseball bat. A home run? Yeah, a home run.

And I'm going to do this and make my spiritual weapons fly up and batter swing the bad guy. Yeah, go for it. That's amazing. Motherfuck you! That was so rough. I saw that dice spin around, they did a little dance. It thought about things, it really deliberated.

There's no crying in baseball. When her collarbones get red, it's real bad. 11 does not hit, unfortunately. It swings wide and wham, hits the rock. You watch as part of the stone wall next to the beast as it pulls away, breaks, and a section of stone. Fuck you, you know what I should have done? I should have done this in the reverse order.

Whatever, I'm helping somebody else out. I'm going to Guiding Bolt that beast next. The same one? Yes. Go for it. Well, for attack on Guiding Bolt that beast next. The same one? Yes. Go for it. Well, for attack and Guiding Bolt, as you Hadouken a giant glowing divine bolt of energy. 17? 17 hits. Oh, I was casting that at fourth level, P.S.

Okay. Because that's what I have up, I swear. Yeah, that is true. Okay, so it's your other fourth level spell. Yes. You got it. Because that's what they have up, I swear. Yeah, that is true. So it's your other fourth level spell? Yes. You got it. Because I'm smart. That's 7d6. Oh, we got it.

Oh, not 7d6. Which is almost gone anyway, because there's only one more creature with it. 11, 15, 16. 19. The next attack gets advantage. 22, 24, 27. 27 points of radiant damage. Nice! The next attack gets advantage,

that's why I should've fucking done that first, and then I had advantage on my... Yeah. Nott is up for Jester. Yeah! Dang nabbit. All right, that finishes your go, Jester. Nott, up to Jester. Yeah! Dang nabbit. All right, that finishes your go, Jester. Nott, you're up.

At the top of my turn, do I take, I'm still poisoned, I believe. You're just poison status, meaning your attacks have disadvantage. Oh, I don't take damage every round? It is not a consistent damaging poison from this game. Attacks a disadvantage. Correct. Okay.

While you are poisoned. So if you get advantage, you cancel it out. Yes. You get total advantage, you get advantage. Technically, if you have advantage, you cancel it out. Yes. If you get total advantage, you get advantage. Technically, if you have advantage, disadvantage, as long as they cancel the route, it doesn't matter how many more of one or the other, it's just a regular roll.

Fair, fair. Is anything engaged? Jesus! Is anything engaged with these beasts? No. But they're at disadvantage for, because they're slow, right? No. No.

One number much lower. That guy's AC is a little bit lower. That guy has advantage against him in the next attack because she just hit it with Guiding Bolt. All right, I'll go attack the one that has Guiding Bolt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to run up closer to get within 30 feet. Okay, how far, how close are you getting?

Within 30 feet exactly. Okay. Without running into fire. Yeah. The fire, it's not enough to really damage anybody after the initial flare up, so. Caleb, should we do firelight again? That'll get you within 30.

Got one more flask. Back to the drawing board. All right, then. What? Then I will bonus action hide behind that pillar. Okay. And I still, I'm not, shit, I could attack now, but it won't be sneak attack damage.

Well, I'm bonus action hiding. Make a stealth check. Okay. Okay, 18 plus things. Plus 11. Plus 11. Okay. Going to attempt to hide.

Right. And then attack. Okay. Do that. Going to attempt to hide. Right. And then attack. Okay. Disadvantage advantage, so just straight roll. Regular attack. 10. What, do you still have a? Do you still have Bless? You're blessed.

Yeah, you're blessed. You haven't gone unconscious. 11. And the attack is plus nine. So it does hit. However the attack is plus nine. So it does hit, however, it is not sneak attack, because even though you were hiding, advantage and disadvantage cancels out. Got it.

So you're just doing a regular bolt. Regular bolt. Mm, so sad. Eight points. Eight points of damage. All right, finishes your go, Nott. Yep. Yasha's turn. I'm going to be honest,

I think D&D Beyond reset her hit points. I think she was at 55. I'm just guessing from memory. You guys have had a few nights, you had a long rest. Remember? Yeah, she got hit a bunch in the cave. Oh, did you? Oh, earlier, you mean? Like it just reset her, yeah.

So I don't know if Chad has it or whatever. Max can tell me, but I think she was at 55. Okay. She will run up and make both of her attacks at, yeah. You got it. Not reckless, just because, you know, thorny tails and shit. That is a 22 to hit.

22 hits. Brilliant, and... plus nine, that's 21 to hit. 21 to hit also hits, both hit. Nice. The first one has the Divine Fury. Six, awesome. 11, amazing, wow.

So 16 plus three, 19 plus three, 22. Nice. 22 points of slashing damage. All righty. Second one, four, eight, plus six, 14. 14 points of slashing damage. As she rushes forward, one giant swing

where the two-handed greatsword magista just cuts across the front of the head and backs away, you see a splatter of blood across the ground. She comes around for a second by strike. It cuts through part of the shoulder of the creature. You see its arm fold a little bit to that side before it catches itself. The blade catches the stone. The actual weapon itself shakes from the impact as she dislodges it. No damage, it's a magical weapon, it's fine, but it leaves this giant clef mark in the middle of the stone wall. That end her turn? It does. Okay, that brings us to Beau.

I sashay forward. Oh, yeah. Towards this guy. Might as well finish what Yasha started and pop pop. Go for it. Magical, yeah, I'm going to use my staff. That's super lame. That's 11. 11 does not hit.

You try and swing and its jaws actually catch the edge of your staff and you have to wrench it free and it's growling at you. No fetch! Natural 20 on the next one. That will hit. What's up? That will definitely hit. Big money, no whammies. Oh my god, this happens to me all the time.

Every time I feel like I'm going to double my one to a two. Two, I'm sorry. Yeah! But hey, you hit. Yeah. Still got that dope moment. Critical, beep! Seven damage. All right, seven damage on that strike. Have your bonus action still?

Super cool. Yep, I'm going to bonus action Flurry of Blows. All righty. Don't rock me, Gil. 14? 14, all right. 14 does not hit. Okay, all right. Let's see here. 14 does not hit. Okay, next roll.

15 is the threshold, unfortunately. No. No. Are you adding a four? You talk, d4, and I'm going. You have Bless. You're Blessed. Fuck, so 14 plus? That hits.

To 16? Mm-hmm. Okay, thanks, Jys. I'm off. That's better, 10 damage. 10 damage. And the next one was an eight plus five, so 13 plus, hmm, 15.

It's a 15. 15 hits? 15 hits? Yay! Plus is the fucking best! Yeah, it is. Eight damage. Yeah. Eight damage.

It's like even though I'm not hitting, I'm letting other people hit. It's true. Do you want to learn anything about the creature? Flaring. That's how it works. Yes, what? What if we can tame it?

Resistances, immunities, condition immunities, anything else you want to know about it? Favorite chew toy. Is it? What type of creature it is, like whatever. Yeah, what? You have two hits. What type of creature is it? Is it a beast, is it a creature, or is it?

It is a fiend, a demon-specific fiend. It is a demon-specific fiend. Oh my god, look, there's a portal in here. Like, as you punch into it twice and you pull back, you look at its wounds and there's this necrotic essence festering in it, and that's where you're like, this creature is not from this plane. This is not natural.

Okay. You can learn another thing from it if you want. He's made of plane or essence. We know his wisdom is plus five. Do we want to know any saving throws or? Dex, maybe. Weaknesses? Yeah, does he have any vulnerabilities?

Vulnerabilities? No vulnerabilities on this guy. Fuck, fuck. Shit, fuck. There's always damage resistances you can learn, there's always condition immunities. Resistances? Okay.

You did hit one earlier with a bonus action, didn't you? I did. You got to remember to use that. I know. It's okay. Sorry, there's only three rolls in the game that varies in number. Does that finish your turn, Beau?

Yep. All righty. It's now their turn rolls in the game that varies in number. Does that finish your turn, Beau? Yep. All righty. It's now their turn. The one that slowed, half movement, is going to bound up towards Yasha. It's going to make one attack, so it's going to swing out with its tail. It says it can make- Action or bonus, not both.

But on a multi-attack, it can only take one attack, correct? Only one. Yeah, so it's going to attack with its tail stinger. Single thing. All right. That's going to be 16 to hit. Good. So Yasha takes... Something by Yasha Pacey.

Yeah. 17 points of piercing damage, reduced to eight. And a constitution saving throw. With a d4. She's not going to d4, she's not blessed. Oh, she's not blessed, my god, my brain. That's not going to do it, that's a seven. She is poisoned and paralyzed.

No. Not PMP. As the stinger jams into the side of her neck, she reaches up to grab it, and then suddenly the muscles tense up and flexes. As the stinger withdraws from her throat, her eyes go wide and you can see a bit of foam gathering at the corner of her mouth,

and she sees her hand is stuck in that position. No, Yasha. The other one's going to go, then it's going to make both of its attacks on a paralyzed Diatrax. That means it gets critical? Is it now critical? Yeah. Yeah, so the first bite attack is going to be It's on a paralyzed Yasha. That means it gets critical? Is it an awesome critical?

Yeah, so the first bite attack is going to be a critical hit automatically. Oh my god, did you just kill Ashley's character? Do you know how many hit points she has? Uh-huh. Wait, you know now how many she has left? Did they text you or something? I was guessing before, but I think I was close.

I might be off by one. I don't know where she's at. Oh wow, how bad? If you get thrown, you will go to jail. 54 points of... Oh! She's unconscious. Piercing damage?

She's unconscious. Oh no, oh no, is he getting another attack? Yasha is unconscious now. Someone do something. Someone do something. Don't worry, the creature is unconscious now. Someone do something! Someone do something! Don't worry, the creature is about to. It has a rampage ability. When it reduces a creature to zero hit points, it gets to on it with a melee attack on its turn, it can make a bonus action to move up to half its speed and make a bite attack.

Is it going to slow, though? This is the other one. The other one. The other one's going to bonus action and attack to you with a bite attack, Beau. Okay, okay, okay. Fine, fine. That's a natural 18. It's going to be 26 to hit.

It's Ashley's fault. Nope. Shit. It's Ashley's fault, she should have been here. Start thinking. We cool, we cool. Yeah. We cool, we cool. 24 points of piercing damage to you, Beau.

After it sinks its teeth into Yasha's shoulder and throws her to the ground, she just falls, her eyes roll back, lids half open, it pulls back. You can see it tasting the blood in its mouth, its eyes go wide as the bloodlust kicks in. It turns towards you and lashes out again. You bring up your staff to try and deflect it, but the jaws reach out and push it to your chest

and clamp down on your shoulder and chest. You pull yourself forward and the pain, both the crushing pressure of its jaws and the teeth sinking into your torso is astronomical. As it has you there, its tail goes towards the back. Bad demon dog. Bad demon dog. That's going to be a 20 to hit. This turn? My AC is 20. That hits.

Goddamn it. I'm working on it. It's a constitution saving throw. You have a d4 on that constitution saving throw. 17 points of piercing damage to you. As you feel it hits you right by the spine and where the left kidney is, it enters your body with a sharp pain, and you need to make

a constitution saving throw. Okay. My con is enters your body with a sharp pain, and you need to make a constitution saving throw. Okay. My con is, where's my con save? Oh, plus three. Thank you. Okay. I'll roll a d4, that's 18 plus three, so 21.

The poison does not take hold. You feel it into the inside of your wound, and the sharp pain that hits you is nowhere near as strong as your monk's will to resist it. The control over your body and your organs and the systems within you gaining as you continue to grow in experience and world,

understanding you, just concentrate for a second, and the poison actually ejects from the wound, the muscles itself not allowing it to enter your bloodstream. That enters their turn. Actually, that one is going to use its movement to attempt to leap up onto the top of this platform. You do get an attack of opportunity if you want to take a spell to try and keep it from going. Sentinel as well. Fuck it. To try and keep it from going. Sentinel as well. Fucking, fucking, fucking.

Yeah. Plus. Plus five, 13, give me two. 15! 15 just hits. That's what I needed, right? Yep. He does not get a chance to shift away. He does not move, and he takes eight damage.

Eight points of damage to him. Yeah. All righty, and that one slowed, I believe the end of the turn gets to make a wisdom saving throw to see if it gets to remove the slow. Natural 19 plus five, it is no longer slowed. Oh man.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. That ends their turn. Now it brings us to Fjord's. I have a quick question. So the 54 points of damage, was that halved? It wasn't, right? Because it was poison, the critical on Yasha? No, that was piercing.

It was piercing. So it should have been halved. Correct, yes. Okay, so help me, what's half of 54? 27. Just kidding, 27. 27, 27. 27, okay.

She was actually at 56 points, so she's... At the top of the round, right? Yeah. So she took that. She was at 62 minus eight. Gotcha. And then... Well, she took the bite attack at the beginning. Or no, it was the tail attack.

She was at 54, so she took 54. She was at 54 and she took half of 54. Okay. Okay. So she's still up. So she's not unconscious. Right. Okay. Well, as opposed to redoing all that scenario, she's still paralyzed and she's in the space.

Yeah. She's alive. She's not unconscious. That's a shame. It's a shame that she's dead? No, it would have been easier to do it. Was 54 at the top of her round? No, 62 minus eight, and then half of the 54. Yeah, because eight was 16, so yeah.

She's still up. What's half 54? 27. Thank you. I feel the pain. Yeah, she's at exactly 27. All righty, so. Sorry.

That round happened as it happened. Yeah, Dany and Vax were screaming from the lobby, she's like, ah, god, yes! Well, now you remember. Lesson learned. It's like you're playing two characters or something. Exactly, I know. And one of the browsers keeps crashing. That's like you're playing two characters or something. Exactly, I know. And one of them's browser's crashing.

All righty, so that finishes their go. Fjord, it's your turn. Okay, yeah, I'm going to use all 30 feet of my movement to head towards my comrades. Okay, five, 10, 15. Are the rats still a thing? 30, yes, they haven't gotten yet. Okay, as long as they're not, no attack of anything.

I've got a swarm, they'll attack them. They're currently next to Caleb. Okay, I'm going to send, I'm going to send two eldritch. Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy. Oh boy. Oh boy, I'm going to send two Eldritch Blasts

at the one each. One each? Go for it. Go for the one that's in front of you there. That's a natural one. Oh god. Second one. You go to fire, you watch as it's leaping up, and you go ahead and correct for it

and fire it up to catch it, but then Beau grabs its tail and drags it back down and ends up slamming into the rock where it was going to go. That's fucking teasing. The other one, it does have half cover because it's by the rock where it was going to go. That's fucking teensy. The other one, it does have half cover because it's behind the wall, so it gets a plus two to its AC. Would you roll to hit? It's a natural 15 plus eight. Yeah, you still hit. It's going to roll damage.

1d10. That's five. That's ten, so 15 points of Eldritch Relax. 15 points of Eldritch Force damage. The second one, you release and it skids off the stone and hits it in the center of its jaw and nose. As it pulls back, you can see this burn mark where the impact hit and a dent where you've probably broken a part of the front of its snap. Awesome. Does that finish your turn?

That does, yes. All right, into the Fjord's go. The rats are going to go ahead and move up here and move into Caleb's space. Rats attacking? Yes. Are they getting away from me? They're the ones who attacked me, right? You moved out of the way, though, to try and heal.

That's right, I'm going to turn around. Nott? I'm going to be turning cool. Stands again. Notice that they swarm into your space, Caleb. They are finally a decent roll for the rats. It's a 17 to hit. Minus a d4. That's right, minus d4. 16 to hit.

16 shield reaction. It's a. The rats leap up and just all scattered back as the arcane shield thrusts them down on the stairs. They gather up again into a cluster right at the base of your feet, and you're just holding up the shield. That ends their go.

Weird question, if someone falls unconscious with Paralysis and poison, if you heal them back to consciousness, they're still paralyzed and poisoned, correct? Okay, just checking. I'm going to move 30 feet in, I'm going to head straight towards, I'm heading in that direction.

15, 20, 25, 30, right there? Yep, as close as I can get. Okay, the rats do get an attack opportunity against you as you rush away. That is going to be a 20 to hit. Minus the d4. Oh, right. Another one, 19.

Yeah, that hits. That hits you? Okay. The rats are doing things for once. Nine points of piercing damage to you. Mm-hmm. And you should make a constitution saving throw. Okay. You have advantage because you took a Warcast,

you're correct. Yep, that's what I'm doing. 10. 10? You just managed to maintain concentration on your Bless. Cool, cool, cool. On your Bless. 10 to the DC. All right, what are you doing? I'm saving. Yeah, I, cool. 10 to the DC. All right, what are you doing? Hashtag Bane.

Yeah, I was actually going to say, yeah, because I'm still trying to remember how having a spell as a bonus that exists as a bonus action, I have to use a cantrip as my action. Correct. Shudge. One full level, one cantrip. One full level, one cantrip, okay.

I'm going to, instead of doing anything I want to do, I'm going to cast Bane on these two jokers. Okay, so this Bane fades. Mm-hmm. And they get to make. Actually, they get to make another roll for it because I can cast it on three things within 30 feet. Well, that's true, yeah.

So we can do that. Nice. So, boop, boop, boop, yep. All right, so what's this, is it wisdom? It's a charisma 16. Oh, charisma. Oh, yeah, they're not that good at charisma. Yep. The one on the far end there, natural three.

He is baned. The one around the corner. Fudge you. That is a 17. That he, yeah. Well, it's a 17 minus one, because his charisma is 16. So 16 is charisma six. Yeah, he does save.

And the rats, no, that is a six. All right, got one. One 16 is the charisma save. Yeah, he does save. And the rats. No, that is a six. All right, got one. The rats are like, we're free, go! All right, that finishes your turn. As a bonus action, my swarm is going to attack the rats. Four guys can't get away. And that's 19, 20, 22 to hit. Yeah, that hits.

They pounce on the cluster of rats. Just making sure I'm doing this right. They hate to hit. I love it. Ooh, that's nice. 14 points of piercing damage. 14 points of piercing damage, all right. So as they're assaulting it and striking into it,

as you notice, as the nature of the swarms, it's hard to hit and they're clustering, so it takes the damage, but it's not taking as much as you would think based on the nature of it being a swarm. So while the beetles are swarming in and attacking it, the rats are defending themselves, it takes the damage, just not as much as you'd expect. That ends your turn?

Yeah. Caleb, you're up. That ends your turn? Yeah. Caleb, you're up. Okay, I am going to intentionally stride through the rats. I know that I will be bitten, but I am going to walk as far forward as I can, up near Fjord and Caduceus. They already took their reaction anyway. Yeah. Excellent, so step away.

I'm pulling out my little clay cat's paw because I know that this hound from hell will find it offensive offensive and I will cast Banishment on the healthier one, so the one on this side. The one on the side? Charisma 16. Charisma 16. Go to hell. No, he banished.

Yes! Yay! He banished, bitch. Yeah, man. If you go on another plane, they don't come back. If this spell does not get interrupted, he's gone. He's just in there, looks up at you for a second. Leaps in your direction and just

a swirl of arcane energy and just pop out of existence. Fictish. All righty, that finishes your go, Caleb. Top of the round, Jester, you're up. Oh, okay. I'm going to Guiding Bolt. At first level, that guy. Okay.

Natural 20! Yeah! That was really good. Oh, wait, oh, wait. So that's, do I double my dice? You double your dice. Woo! That's a roll one. Oh, that's pretty good. double my dice? You double your dice. Woo! That's a wrong one.

Oh, that's pretty good. 11, 14, 16. Yes! 16 plus 12 is 28. Wow. 31. 31, how do you want to do this? Yeah!

Just because I haven't used my spiritual weapon, I'm going to swing it up and slam it down at the same time my guiding bolt. All righty, so right as you release the guiding bolt, your hand goes up and you bring it down and as the luminous burst of divine bright white blue energy slams into the creature, sending it upward, reeling from the impact,

at that point, the giant lollipop swings and cracks it on the head. It hits the ground, its legs sprawl out, splayed, and it is done. I used thaumaturgy to make it sound like a round of applause in the cave. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. How long does it take to rush through? Forever, if my spell doesn't get interrupted.

Amazing. Because I send it back to hell. Forever? If we're from this plane, it's temporary. If it's from another plane, it stays in its plane. Yeah. If I don't get fucked up. It doesn't have a hold here, so there's nothing to tether it back to the mortal plane. Yeah.

Wait, wait, what? How would your spell get interrupted? You getting hit and driving the spell. Just ever? Yeah. No, just when it got cast. Within one minute, if I get punched in the face and lose the spell, it could come back.

Okay. And if you don't get punched in the face in the midst of the cast. Do you want to move or stay where you are? I'm going to walk through and stomp on the rats as I join my party. You got it. Okay, that finishes your go.

Nott, your turn. There's nothing else. There's rats. There's rats. And they're coming for you. We do technically need to take care of Banished Beast when it comes back. No, no, he's not coming back. That's what I'm confused about, too.

I'll sit over here, I'll be okay. It's not coming back. Don't punch me in the face. I punch Caleb in the face. No, I'll go over to the rats, or I'll just throw a vial of acid at the rats. Sure, okay. They make a dexterity check, right? I believe so. It says, oh, I can splash it onto a creature within five feet of me, or throw it up to 20 feet, shattering on impact. It doesn just says, it doesn't say what they save as, it just says 2d6.

Oh, sorry, then make a general dexterity, like a roll d20 at your dexterity modifier. You should have just walked up and splashed it on him. Yeah, well, I didn't. Eight. Eight? It misses, you watch as the rats go and get prepared for impact and it hits the stone and they.

Oh, those are cute. I will hide. Yeah, because you still can't disadvantage on that because you're a poison anyway. Did you add a d4 to your roll, to your attack? It doesn't matter, it was only an eight. Well? Now it's an 11.

You're a rat. You're a rat. So that makes a difference. I didn't, shouldn't I have had disadvantage? But you have disadvantage, so you roll again. That's a natural 20. So yeah, so that does actually hit, so roll adds some damage.

In the alternate reality in which they winced and turned, they're like, oh, that would've been great. However, their imagination ran wild with them as the reality is they took eight points of damage. Eight points of damage. They had their own Jacob's Ladder moment. Yes, the 20 rats saw 20,000 rats in the dodecahedron. Exactly.

Bunch of baby rats in space looking over Earth, monolith floats up. So the swarm is still alive, but their numbers are very reduced. You hear the horrible screaming hisses as a bunch of these distraught, subterranean hungry rats begin to dissolve and wither into these small little puddles of fur and flesh, but they're still around. That finishes your go, Nott. Yeah. Yasha is up.

Yasha is paralyzed. Can she make a saving throw? Yep, at the end of its turn, it can make a saving throw. Okay. Constitution save. Let's do it. 16. 16? She's still got to eat.

Yeah. Still boiling. With her bonus. That's true. That's my turn. Yeah. With a bonus action, that's your bonus. That's my turn. Yeah. With a bonus action, that's your turn. Beau, you're up.

Yeah, I said, sorry, sorry, rats. Sorry. That's just what I want. Sorry. Just curse stomping. Just took my stick and right in their heads. Oh, that's so sad. It's real sad.

Why did they just run away? I know, sorry. I kick a few and then I'm like, shoop. Just roll an attack roll. And you still have your d4. Oh wow. That's pretty good. 19 plus, so 20 total.

Yeah, so roll damage. Batter up. I might have to get a new iPad. Safari keeps crashing on this thing. Oh, we haven't updated, oh no. Yeah. It's the tablet. It's not D&D Beyond. No, it's Safari, it's like the iPad.

11 damage on the first one. How do you want to tweet this? Yay! There was an update that we probably haven't. I tried to save as many as I can by shooing some away. A few do shoo off and kind of dart off. The ones that are kind of half hanging on by the acid from Nott, I just... Put them out of their misery.

Yeah. Okay. One by one. Just little pops. The wraps are finished. Caleb, you sit there and concentrate for the full minute, and then the spell is finished. The tether is disconnected and the creature is banished to its hellish realm where it once stemmed from.

So there's a portal or something in here? Should we look for a portal? Let's have it. Make sure none others are going to come through or something? Anybody who's hurt. Yasha raises her hand and says, ouch. So anybody who's hurt, come sit over here for a second. Do they get to save against the poison,

or should I just do that? So anybody who's hurt, come sit over here for a second. Do they get to save against the poison, or do I have to, should I just do that? No, no, the save should no longer be poisoned. Oh, is it? The paralysis and the poison are gone, actually. They're both hand in hand. That's a nasty duel effect. Nott's not poisoned anymore either, or?

That's still, well, no, because the poison, hmm. Or do I have to, I can cast a spell and make it go away if I have to. Poison's already paralyzed, so. Interesting point. So yes, actually, your poison and paralysis are gone, because the two are tied together. So I'm going to, anybody who wants to get some healing, I'm going to be doing a prayer of healing

over the next 10 minutes. I go get healed. Mm-hmm. So. But I'm distracted the whole time I'm getting healed, looking at the unconscious demon dog. That demon dog is close to expiring. It's not dead yet.

I just watch him as I get healed by Caduceus. Nugget! Come in here. Covered in rats. Just teleport blinks to you. Oh, get a critical hit for Nugget and dispatch the demon dog. Here we go.

Oh, that's okay, I guess. Have Nugget finish off the demon dog. Oh, the unconscious one? Uh-huh. Let it taste blood. 21 healing points to anybody who wants them? Yeah. Let's make sure, how many people are taking that?

One, two, three, four, and I will. Five, cool. You're good? I'm invincible. Should we try to wake this fiendish thing and tame it? Or should we just kill it? He's very almost dead, whatever it is. Let's end that. Nugget!

Bite him! Don't bite him, you're too sweet, don't bite anything. Here, have some candy. He gets down and starts tearing the candy apart on the ground. Nugget's not full grown at this point, he's still a puppy, but a big puppy. He's now getting to about that size,

and not really knowing the full size of the animal. You're already like, oh, this is going to be a big boy. What did you just feed him? Candy. What kind? Do you want some? I have peppermints, and I have some cherry suckers, and I have... Just no chocolate, yeah? No chocolate. I just take the falchion and I stick it

in the back of the neck of the demon dog. Oh no. Exhales its final breath and goes still. Oh really? Mr. Caleb, maybe we should take a look around and see where these things came from. Good idea. I will join you.

Okay. Will either two of you make investigation checks or one person does it with advantage? I'm letting you guys do it. Okay. Investigation at two of you make investigation checks or one person does it with advantage. I'm letting you guys do it. Okay. Investigation at advantage because someone's helping me or? I will do an investigation check as well. All right, so both of you guys take one.

A million. 24. 24 and a million. 26. 26, okay. So as you guys move along, stepping over the corpses of the two creatures, the smell, that rotting flesh smell that you smelled when you first came into the chamber, when you get close to these creatures,

now that the adrenaline's worn off and you can actually take a moment to process all the senses, this very molded citrus-type, acrid smell emanates from their bodies along with long, rotted flesh. It is an awful, awful smell from these creatures. In ways, parts of them remind you of hyena dogs

with these large ridges along the back of the spine, the tail extremely venomous. You guys move past and head around the other corner. You pass by other bones and other corpses of what were smaller moorbounders, pups that were being trained or risen and fed. In the back corner, not you see it first, Caleb, just seconds after you see,

there is this faint glow, this very faint red glow. It looks like a crack in the stone. What? You go and approach and look at it. As soon as you look at a side angle, the crack isn't on the stone, it's about an inch away from it.

It's in the air and it's about two feet across, like that, and about an inch sliver. Should we stick our hands through there? No, we should not do that. That's what I'm for. No, no. This is where the problem is coming from. I'm not sure what to do about it. Can we seal it?

Can we unmagic it? Yasha, Yasha, you have a dispel. Oh, do you have a dispel? Yeah. Jester, Jester! Okay, I'm going to try to dispel magic. Okay, go ahead and make a wisdom check to roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier.

That was a journey. Oh, wow. That was a journey? Yep. 15 plus eight. 15, plus your wisdom modifier. This is not a save. Sorry, 15 plus five. 20? Yes. 20 is the DC you needed.

Whoa! Oh my god. So as Jester steps forward, you see through the crack, it begins to slowly widen, and for a split second, as she's concentrating and focusing, you guys can see, for a split second beyond that, there's red and purple, and you hear this faint swirling of wind and screams, and who knows beyond the veil. You can see another one of those creatures

starting to come up and sniff the other side of this rift. Right as it looks through, its eye peeking out from the other side, it seals and is gone. You did it! That was amazing. Wow. That was great. I don't know if we could have fought

another one of those guys, you know? We totally could have taken another one. We need to convince our goblin friend upstairs that we have performed some form of exorcism on top of the killing part, so hopefully we get a better deal even. Yeah, where did that rift even go? Well, it feels like some sort of fiendish enemy

that we were fighting, so I'm assuming the Nine Hells? You've not read of the Hells? Would I know where those things might have come from? You can either make an arcana or, I'd say maybe religion check. I'll do the religion. Because I've read about, okay, 16. 16? Okay.

Looking at these creatures, the essence of them, especially since you've extracted their aspects and you've taken some time to think it over, fiendish, definitely, not devil. Which is Nine Hells. Correct. So this is abyssal. This is abyssal. This is the chaotic nature of its form,

the little glimpse beyond that you saw and the general smell that remains after it is less of the essence of brimstone and other such smells that seem to accompany rifts or doorways that lead to the Nine Hells, and instead, the rest of the essence of brimstone and other such smells that seem to accompany rifts or doorways that lead to the Nine Hells, and instead, the rest of the smell here is something else entirely. Based on all these things together,

you're pretty certain this was an abyssal creature. Do you share that? Abyssal dogs. Ah. Was the rift just large enough for a creature like that to come through, or was it larger? At the moment, a creature that size can maybe squeeze through, but you also saw it

begin to expand as the creature began to draw near, so it may have had some level of flexibility. So not like something else came through before. Well, I mean, I don't know. These things can happen. Really? I'll walk over to the first demon dog, I'll take the falchion, and I'll cut the stinger off the tail and hand it over to Caduceus and go like,

shouldn't we maybe hold onto these for something? Well, we talked to Nott about that. That's not a terrible idea. I mean, they're really venomous and poisonous and paralytics and all. We should get the other one, too, yeah? I'm going to see if the spores venomous and poisonous and paralytics and all. We should get the other one, too, yeah? I'm going to see if the spores will take in these things or not.

I don't know if they will, but we should. The fiendish nature is resistant to the spores, but not immune, meaning you're used to your decomposition being rather rapid. It is beginning, but it is a slower process. That's interesting. That's very interesting. You know, this is interesting,

because when I was at your library, one of the many things that I discovered there that day is that, do you want to finish that? Mm-hmm. That the Empire here, the Kryn Dynasty, there was mention of Tharizdun. Tharizdun? Tharizdun. Tharizdun. What is that?

What is that, is that a place? A terrible, dark god from ages past affecting the people here coming up from below, and we find this here just this close to the surface. Maybe it's coincidence. Maybe not. To clarify. Yes, please. Just because you would know.

The research that you uncovered deals in, when you were just researching drow cultures and what's written on them, there are connections to Thurisdun and a madness that is known to have claimed much of the Tal'Dorei drow and the Underdark that resides there. Correct. Okay.

But there is speculation within Imperial books and research that perhaps the same madness is also spreading in the east. Okay. Well, Caleb would not have understood everything that he found that day. Correct. No, no, no, it's true. That's what this is.

I'm just letting you know. Yeah. Okay. He still would have said it. Can I see if there's any poison I can extract from these stingers? With my expert medicine checks. Yeah, go ahead and make a medicine or nature check

on this, I'd say, your choice. Do you want me to help you? Yes! Can I help him? Sure. Because I've got the proficiency in medicine, I know what I'm doing. I'll look for the chemicals, you look for the veins. You look for the veins.

Go for it. Am I natural 20? Ah! I need shit! Should I roll again? No. No. Wouldn't that be amazing if it was two natural 20s?

Anyway, so it takes you a little bit of time and you manage to extract what you think to be, unfortunately, due to the state of its body and once it dies, the toxin begins to separate and suffuse its own flesh and system. But you do manage to extract a vial of its venom. Some vicious shit. That's paralysis venom, right?

That's a demon. That's possibly. That could be mean. Fucking awesome. Poisoned and paralytic. That's a demon. That's possibly. That could be mean. Fucking awesome. Poisoned and paralytic. Like how big of a vial, like a skinny vial? Like a single application.

One run. Smaller than those, it's about that big. Okay. Because that has to be a purified element, and it's good for one application, whether that be weapon or imbibed or whatever the case may be. Kill rap.

Okay. So you got that. You do know with your natural 20 that there is a shelf life on the toxin, meaning over time it might become diluted, but with the natural 20, you also know that that's probably weeks, if not months, away.

But there is an eventual shelf life on its potency. Couldn't know. Should use it now. Right now? We'll be dead soon. Just chapscale him. Well, we've successfully cleared the demons.

This cave is clear. Jesus. We should disguise ourselves again before we go back up. Yeah, that's a good call. I'm going to look a little different no matter what because I can only do that once a day, but that's okay. Oh no. That's all right, I think.

We'll just make you look kind of dirty and stuff. We'll start That's all right, I think. We'll just make you look like kind of dirty and stuff. We'll start rubbing dirt all over Caduceus. This stuff is, not this dirt, this is weird dirt. Do you want your horns and dick again? Yeah. Oh. Okay, I start waving the caterpillar cocoon in front of her face and give her a wham. That's dusty.

There you go. The wham. All right, you reclaim your respective illusions and or transformations. Perfect. Macy's day float over here. Sup? You ascend back into Xorth's Pits. As you make your way up towards the top,

the trapdoor is actually closed. As you go to open it, it is currently locked. Oh god. Damn it. Yes? We're done. Is it you? Yes, it's us.

What, you think they talk or something? I don't know about these things. No, it's us. Just, you think they talk or something? I don't know about these things. No, it's us. Just being safe, come on. Open the door. Hold on a second. You hear chains being pulled. Eventually, it gets pushed open.

You can see as he's kicked the lid of it open, the actual doorway falls back and leans against the wall. He looks down, so is it done? Oh god, there's another one, the actual doorway falls back and leans against the wall and looks down. So is it done? Oh god, there's another one, run! It's back! No, I'm just kidding, just chill. Ah, tricksy oak. Yeah.

All right, come on up, come on up. So what was it, what'd you do, what'd you kill? Was it done, are you sure? What's the proof you got? Actually, we left them down there for you if you were interested in, I don't know, harvesting pieces of, what was it, demon creatures? Fiends, for sure.

He looks you over real close and goes, I don't know why, but I believe you. Okay, I'll go down and take a look. Just checking, didn't know if it was some sort of pulling over on me and take my business, so I'm just being careful. Did you want to go look right now? Yeah!

But, okay, but you should know that you had a portal to another dimension in your cave. It's true. I had to close it. It was not pretty, but you should be careful, because if it opens again, what are you going to do? That's not good. Do you know why it happened?

Have you ever seen that kind of thing before? Yeah, have you heard of something similar happening? He lifts one foot up and scratches the edge of the temple and goes, No, no, I haven't. That's pretty... It's pretty dangerous, isn't it? It is. Maybe you should go let the lady know, maybe't it? It is. Would you guys go let the lady know, maybe?

What? The lady? The lady. Oh yeah. If this sort of stuff's happening, that's very not good. Oh yeah, that's Zethras. Oreos? Oh, I think that would be the neighborly thing. What's her name, Zethras? Lady Oleos?

Oleos. Oleos? Yep. That's fair. I haven't met her, otherwise I'd tell her myself, but I don't know. Them drow folk make me feel self-conscious. She goes down that cave. That's surprising. You're very impressive. I mean, I'm certainly charmed, I don't know. Make your choice, persuasion or deception. Oh, persuasion.

21. Stop. Yeah. You're adorable. You're great. So, well done, great, fantastic. Let me go look at it. He goes down and runs like,

in the darkness, blowing here. We're locked. Oh god, oh god, not another one! Jesus, how many were there? There were three, but one of them is gone because he was banished. We could lock him in there and just take all of them. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

We're making friends now. That's amazing, you killed three of them! Yeah, and additionally, there was a rift in the very Fabric of Time and Space down below, and my sister here closed that. That's amazing. So if you want to give us even more of a discount, because you know we saved you a lot of trouble in the future. We had a deal, no.

But that's amazing. You also had a serious rat infestation. Oh no, but the rats, I mean, that's half what you feed these things. Well. Well, sorry then. They were getting a little out of control. I just feel like you shouldn't leave scraps of food around.

I don't know. Also, we did not agree to close any kind of rifts to another dimension. Oh no, and that's so appreciative of me. And I would hate for us to open it back up. So since it was something outside of the deal we made. Then maybe you should go talk to the lady and tell her the good deed you did.

Maybe she'll be, thank you. You went and closed the rift for the town. Here's some money. I think we should open it back up. We should take it, fine. Let's get these steeds and move on. I'm a very kind person. I think we should open it back up. They're right, let's get these steeds and move on. I'm a very kind person.

I don't mind closing rifts for people in need, you know? That's wonderful. Will you at least hold on to the Jagdbunders, Swamp Kitties for a little bit longer while we go talk to ladies at drifts? Yeah, I've still got to train you. All right, you're similar. I'm not just going to hand him over. That's a recipe for disaster. Yeah, yeah.

How'd you lose your arms? Was it also in one of your seminars? You know, when you're learning how to work with these things, if you're not careful, bad things happen, but you learn, twice. But you know, that doesn't slow me down. Mm-hmm.

I guess you can still straddle a swamp, kitty. All right, let's go. We're going to go see this woman? Yes. Why? We're trying to be, I think this is an opportunity to be good neighbors, to maybe make, we're going to maybe need a few friends while we're out here, so let's try not to be criminals in a criminal element too much.

Is it the kind of thing that we can do in under an hour, or perhaps we'll wait until tomorrow? Let's, I mean. We're close by, right? Is there fire over there? Yeah, this may be 12 minutes from here tops. I say it's worth it, personally. Maybe she takes appointments. Yeah, I mean, we might get there, she might not even be home.

When are we going to be in the City of Beasts again? At least let's file a report, like proper citizens. Yep. Thank you. We'll be back. Come on. All right. Over here. Let's go. I go and start rounding up my three choice picks for you. We'll be back. Come on. All right, I'll be here. Let's go. I'll go and start rounding up my three choice picks for you. See which ones are the most spry and lively.

Here's one that's really cute for me, okay? Like, gothy, but cute at the same time. For you, I'll do my best. Okay. He escorts you guys to the outside of Zorth's pits. Close the door behind you guys, and you're now standing in the center of the main street thoroughfare.

Let's head that way. It's always worth making friends, no matter where you are. All right. Do you think she's a mage or a sorcerer or something? No idea. Keep calling her a lady, and she lives in a tower. Well, listen, if y'all are worried,

those of us that are under minimal changes, we can let her know. But yours is pretty major. It is, isn't it? No. I hadn't noticed. You two don't need to do much of anything, do you? That's like a show.

You should talk to her in case she is able to see through things. I imagine that anybody who lives in the city you should talk to her, in case she is able to see through things. Okay. I imagine that anybody who lives in the city will understand the desire to be incognito. I do not make that assumption. I would like the two, the horny one and the little green lady to talk to her, if that's okay.

Bowing up, sure. That was for you. I like that. Makes sense. Just precautions. Oh, yeah. That was for you. I like that. It makes sense. Just precautions. Sure, sure. We are on it. We have this totally handled.

I believe in you. Let's go. All right, so is everyone going as a group? We'll walk over there as a group, but maybe the detectives will go in. All right, so you guys make your way through, pushing past what looks to be three major carts that are being pulled by Urocks

that are currently in this large harness, pulling them through the muck and mud. Mm. On the back of it, you can see what looks to be barrels of large ballista ammunition. You can see these heavy barrels containing what look to be three, four-foot long metallic bolts with hooked and jagged edges that are used for

piercing and destroying boundaries and borders, walls, doorways, and some of them you can see have, because some are placed up and some are placed down and they have large loops at the end. It reminds you of harpoons a bit. Are these human catchers? People catchers? I'm trying to remember the name.

There's a name and it's somewhere in my brain right now. You're not entirely certain. Actually, you, being the learning one, make an intelligence check. Just straight intelligence? Mm-hmm. That was almost fucking awesome. Still okay.

14. I'm not entirely certain the application of these, but these are a different type of ballistic ammunition. Interesting, okay. They don't know, but I did remember the term. Okay. Passing by those carts, they're wheeled southward towards the gate. You make your way to the outside

of the Aurora hold. That's the word I was looking for. As you approach now, it stands out like a sore thumb against the majority of the architecture in the interior of Asarius. It almost resembles in its design a classic church and steeple, where it has this gradual incline on the edges that come to a partial roof, and then the central spire shoots up into this gradual point about three stories off the ground. Along it, you can see it's not smooth.

The edges are ridged, and you can see intricate details where it has this almost hooked, in some ways similar to a pagoda, how it edges outward into these curves and points where the roofs come to a general end and slope. There are a number of beautiful, beautiful glass windows that are stained glass, but as opposed to multicolor, it looks like a more muted palette of grays and purples and silvers and blacks and blues. From the outside, it doesn't look as gorgeous, but as you walk up to the front door,

which is already open on the inside, you can see what light comes through, fills the interior with this calming, blue-purple color that has this strangely welcoming and chilled atmosphere to it. As you approach, you see two Kryn soldiers walk by. You step aside. They don't take a note of you, but they just move on, and both of them split as they reach the center road and go in two different directions,

heading north and south. What would you like to do? Let's go in. We're just going to go in, yeah. The two of you? Sure. Wait out here, y'all. All right. Okay. As you guys. All right. Okay.

As you guys. Thanks for saving my life. As you guys patiently wait, the investigatory team, you step to the base of the building and up, well, it's about maybe five feet of stairs. These 15-foot-wide stone stairs that lead to the main open doorway.

Stepping into the initial chamber, the light that fills the inside, it's beautiful. It's warmer on the inside. There's no desk more than a set of chairs, comfortable, well-made chairs, once again, standing out amongst most of the furniture and the living spaces you've already encountered, even just cursory glances across the city. As you enter the chamber and look around, there are two doors,

one to the right, one to the left. They're both closed, and there does not appear to be anybody in the chamber at the moment. Knock on some doors? Is there a bell? Do we see anybody? Make a perception check. Bell? 12. Is there some doors? Is there a bell? Do we see anybody? Make a perception check. Bell or? 12.

12. You both look into each side of the door. There is what looks to be a braided cord that hangs about 10 feet from what looks to be a bell flanking each side of the door on the inside. There's two different doors, two different bells? Correct. Any markings on?

Wow. Amazing. A moment passes before one door opens up and stepping inside, you see what looks to be a human. A man, probably in his mid-40s or so, big, big, bushy beard that falls down to his mid-chest, hair that is greased and slicked back into a very tight ponytail, it seems, that then releases into a bunch of billowing curls that go to about his mid-back. He is wearing dark gray-silver robes and what looks to be bright, shiny little pins that mark where the clavicle and the shoulder meet. As he peeks through and goes, Can I help you? The other door opens and you see a drow girl, young, maybe late teens, early 20s, bright silver white hair that is

pulled into a high ponytail and then two tendrils that go past the front of the ears and dangle down to about mid chest. Beautiful, solid gray-blue skin, almost amber-colored eyes as she peeks through, wearing a similar robe as to him. He goes, Hello? We're looking for Lady Zethris. Is one of you, I don't want to presume. The man closes the door, and the girl walks out.

And if I might ask, what is the reason for the meet? Well, the Sunbreaker told us to come over here because he said maybe that you guys had some work for us, but at the same time, we were supposed to come tell you about this stuff that we found here. We're an investigative duo. We're known as Jango and Nash, and we go around finding things.

Really important things. We found something that you might be interested in. All right, please wait patiently. I will let the lady know. Oh, you're not the lady? No. Oh. Closes the door. Good pitch, good pitch.

I thought she was a lady. She is a lady. Yeah. We're going to tell them on the left, right? If it suits our purposes. What else are we going to tell her? I don't know, honestly. Eventually, the door opens, and she returns and goes, please, if you would not mind, come with me.

Sure, yes, of course. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, inside check. Make an inside check. Have you ever killed one half of a table before, Matt? 21. Oh. Okay. I'm going to die, we're going to die, we're going to die! Oh, she's a monster in a girl's shell.

Guys, D&D Beyond has a ferocious race for president of D&D. Who's going to win? The only way that you can vote is to subscribe. That's not true. You follow suit? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Leading you through the door,

the next chamber, it looks like there are maybe two parallel hallways. Because you see where would be the left where the other door had opened, there is a long, heavy stone wall that divides it. So this chamber seems to be divided into two sides. Heading down this way, you pass a closed door on the right, a second closed door on the right,

a third closed door on the right, and each door has a guard there. The guards are wearing what looks to be mantles that are similar to the, or of the same design as the Kryn armor and the mantle you saw on the mage that you fought when you first came to Xhorhas. But it's just the mantle, and it's adorning what looks to be the simple silver-gray robes

that the other figures in this building seem to be wearing. The interior is beautiful. All the stonework, whereas a somewhat plain exterior, aside from the general shape and curvature of the edges of the building, the interior walls here have beautiful scroll work chiseled into all the stone. Each doorway frame has this almost an ivy-type texture

that curls and swirls around the doorframe. A lot of effort and work has gone into the construction of this building. You go past the third door, and the woman goes and opens the chamber door, and the woman goes and opens the chamber doorway, nods and gives you a nudge to enter. We do.

Okay. Enter the room. The first thing you're met with is two drow warriors, both adorned in armor, but the armor itself is clean, well-kept, possibly ceremonial, or at least has not been used in battle for a while. They both look at you both and step aside.

Beyond that, you see what looks to be a beautiful, tall, high-back lounge chair that extends out with this deep reddish-purple hue like a velvet. The rim on the outside that curls around it also beautifully done in a brass color that spirals on the edges. You can see what looks to be a small altar in the center of the chamber about three feet from the foot of this. This altar heads up in this slow, gradual spiraling point, almost like there are two

paths of a tapering tower. At the top, you see a brass dodecahedron. I look everywhere but at that. to be a brass dodecahedron. I look everywhere but at that. Just hollow. Hollow. There's nothing inside, but it's an art piece. I want to know that. Okay. In the chair, you see, sitting, in incredible, detailed

brocades inlaid into this silk robe that drifts past her legs to the point where you cannot see her feet, just dangling and rolling off the edge of the chair. This beautiful, dark elf woman, her skin almost a soft violet hue, her hair bright white that seems to taper to a similar purple-violet color a soft violet hue, her hair bright white that seems to taper to a similar purple-violet color

as to her skin as it goes past her shoulders. Her hair is long, it goes past her hips and tumbles off the edges of the chair. You see as she sits towards the edge of the chair, just looking towards her face, towards this art piece, her eyes closed, and her hand raises up and just husks you to enter silently. Just wait till she talks, I guess?

We'll wait till she, yeah, she'll start the convo. Well, she gestures for you. Yeah, we'll do that. The two queen soldiers close the door and just stay there, watching. They're not leaving you alone in the chamber. Her eyes open and looks towards you, and her irises are a

pure, vibrant amethyst purple. It's entrancing, even just to see the color. Even this low light, it almost seems to be backlit, the way the color comes at you. Her face seems gentle, comes to a smile. So I have been told that you are investigators. This is correct? Yes, we are detectives.

You came at the behest of the Sunbreaker? Well, he told us about you, he didn't, didn't say, you must go there. He was like, you know, you should probably go see her, because she's pretty cool, and he wasn't lying, man, you are super cool. Right. Well, are you coming seeking work?

Maybe, maybe. We were interested in possibly sharing some information with you. We found something that I think you would like to know. Please, do tell me. Is he just going to tell her. Yeah, sure, sure. Okay, yeah. We were on another case, another case.

Can't get into the details of it. Super hush hush, we like to keep our client lists private. But we were on another case and we stumbled upon a bit of a rifty. Yeah, it was like, you know, like a... A doorway to another dimension. It was very flexible.

Oh my goodness. To another dimension. Sort of could expand to accept any shape that sort of wanted to enter it. But the interesting part, that wasn't the interesting part. No, no, no, that is normal. The interesting part was that this passageway let in creatures from another dimension, an evil dimension.

Some call it the Abyss or something. They were definitely fiends that came through. And there were multiple ones, and they were, I mean, they were scary. Right in your hometown here! They were right here! Right under the town! A few hundred yards away from here!

They could have taken everything! We were like, that's crazy, but right away, we were like, we got to go tell Lady Z. Zathrys, thank you. And I'm impressed. There has been a worrying rise in demonic activity in the proximity of this town. There have been words of lost sleep and bad dreams. There has been talk of possible corruption of a fiendish nature. of possible corruption of a fiendish nature.

The true difficulty is our resources are focused to the west. We have found too many close incursions across the Ash Keepers, and we are waylaid left and right. So it is fortunate you have come to me because I have much interest in talented minds, especially those who are looking to work for coin or trade.

Well, coin is pretty cool and stuff, and so is some trade. But may I ask you, what are your specialties, the two of you? I'm really good. I'm really good at healing people and stuff. That is good. And I can also, you know,

I make a duplicate of myself. Yes, and I can also, you know, I make a duplicate of myself. I can also do that. She's a talented artist. I could draw a portrait for you if you want me to. Tattoo artist, budding. Yes, yes, yes, very talented tattoo artist. If you ever are in need of a piece, let me know.

I can be of service. I mean, these skills, those would be at the end of the resume, the special skills. Horseback riding. Yeah. Riding a steak shift. That's what the piece is. Has driver's license.

Yeah. But I think the one that she wanted to lead with was she's a healer, healer. Healer, but also I'm a badass healer, so I can hit things and heal at the same time. And then you, fastest lightning. Super drunk sometimes. Again, that's lower on the CV.

High tolerance. Fast as lightning. Sneaky as a motherfucker. And, and, and... Sharpshooter. Super, super good with arrows and bolts and stuff. And, but you know what? Together, together,

we have some sort of a... I don't know what it is, actually. We've never really talked about it, but we have this incredible mind for solving conundrums. Yeah, we've got a really intelligent. Bad cop, good cop, good cop, bad cop, whatever you want to call it, we are a dynamic duo. She still smiles.

There is a distinct hardness behind the smile. And in that instant, for a brief moment, being as relatively insightful as you are, Jester, there is a thinning patience. But she says, Well, and you have this rift that you mentioned, these fiendish things, did you just discover them? Or have you dealt with them? Oh, we dealt with them. They're dead and gone and banished,

and also the rift is closed. It's just the two of you. We have some coworkers. Some other people that work with us. Makes a lot more sense. Okay, make a persuasion check. Either both of you together or one of you with advantage, your choice.

Both of us. Okay. Dueling 18. What? 22 for me. What is it, deception or persuasion? Just straight 18. All right.

Okay, interestingly enough, that impatience and hardness that has been growing subsides. You can see her, she began to lean forward and hardness that has been growing subsides. You can see her, she began to lean forward and a I'm going to deconstruct these people type of energy, something that you've encountered before. Then just a few things you said, and the way that you explained it away, she felt a little more comfortable and goes,

Well, we can use all the help we can get. There are two things that come to mind at the moment, if you are interested in helping. For one, I have come to believe that there is an Empire spy in our mists, living here in Asarius. Possibly, if my information is correct, been working or staying near the Four Corners.

An intercepted missive out of the city from this individual was shot down, being sent by Nighthawk, and the messenger was seen leaving the Four Corners. This missive was giving information about the movements of our forces, preparations and such to the Empire. It was being sent to Bladegarden.

If you can suss out this spy and turn them into me, you will be rewarded greatly. Bring them alive. I'll leave you with 5,000 gold pieces. I'm so broke, we're so broke. 3,000 if dead, with proof. If that does not suit your fancy or your particular skill set of investigation,

you seem to already be somewhat tangled with his demonic presence. There have been some strange murders in the city, some locals going mad, or Feral is becoming a growing issue, and I have suspicions that it is connected with this demonic presence. Focusing on the war efforts, I am unable to

allocate many resources to this, so you would be of great help in this. If you could find the root of this corruption, wherever it stems from, and snuff it out, freeing Asarius from this infernal influence, the Dynasty is willing to pay 10,000 gold pieces. That's a good amount of money. It's good, money is good, money is good.

Money is good. We, we, we. If money is not interested to you, we could always trade with favor to the Bright Queen. That is actually possibly even more appealing than money. Maybe? Who's the Bright Queen? She's the big one.

She's the big one. We may have need of that. There is an ally of ours who we've been trying to ascertain. that there is an ally of ours who we've been trying to ascertain their whereabouts and maybe through favor, you could help us. She leans forward and goes, Are either of you consecuted? Consecuted?

Understood. I've never heard that word before. Is that a made-up word? Is that a Scrabble word? I think it is. She got all she wanted from that. She goes, Well, if you seek the Bright Queen's favor, I just assumed you were perhaps

of the houses of Gortranas. My apologies. But the coin remains. And perhaps favor or trade. But these are conversations to have when you have succeeded. Right. Right. Cool. Do you know where we would start with the,

you know, the stuff and stuff? The demon, the demonic presence? Any leads, any hot tips? That is precisely why you would be hiring an investigator. Yeah. We know that. We know where to start, because you know what? We just came from something, so we'll just follow that trail.

Totally. Yep. Well, I look forward to the completion of any or all of your missions. So do we. May the light be with you. And also with you. The door opens behind, and the soldiers are holding the door and looking towards you expectantly.

Okay, let's go. All right, see you soon, then. Bye. Bye. Bye. You guys are quickly escorted back outside of the hall, and as you guys are sitting there waiting nervously for a while, eventually you see two Queen Warriors gently nudging both Nott and Jester outside.

As we left, I just quickly rang the other one. One more time, and just kept going out the door. You hear, oh! As you just walk away. Oh lord. Okay, so you sent in the right people for that job. We have two assignments that have nothing to do with saving my husband.

But maybe if we did one, she might be able to help us. Maybe? That's a hard one. I don't know, here's the thing. We have these three beasts now. We could go charging across the Badlands to Gordronis, right? Mm-hmm. And search around for my husband,

which I really want to do, don't get me wrong. Unless that Minotaur's around. I mean, did you see his pecs? They were not fake like yours. Anyway. We could do that, but it's a lot of unknowns, right? This lady could give us something. I don't know. Did she sound connected with Gorgonus? Well, okay. Yeah, she's high up here, you know, so she could definitely get some shit done.

She said she could curry favor with the Bright Queen? Which is the queen. Is that the queen? The queen! They have an empress here. That's what I'm talking about, it's her. I don't understand all the terminology, but she is referred to as a word, an umavi. I don't know what that is, but I is referred to as a word, an Umavi. I don't know what that is,

but I noticed that your boyfriend said he was- He said, I'm almost an Umavi Ascended or something like that. In your Umari ascension? Umavi, yeah. So she's called an Umavi or the Umavi? I think she is called the Umavi, I don't know. Something about Umaviii, for sure.

It refers to the empress, Laila's Kryn. Have you ever heard the term, consecuted? That's not the word, is it? No, it doesn't seem like a word. But she said. She said it sounded like it had something to do with the high up houses or something. Yeah, are you consecuted? I'm pretty sure consecuted means you're like,

have a royal or a proper family, whatever I know of that. I might know that, too. Make a history check. I feel like that might be in my wheelhouse. Go for it, make a history check. No. Not even. It's a one minus one. Not great for me either. Eight.

I got this. Oh yeah, no, I wrote it down. I wrote it down here. Empress Laelys Cryn Umavbe, 600 years old. That's what I wrote down. I don't know what that means, but I put it in quotes. That's what she's called, right? 600 years old is what she's called?

No. Oh. 600-year-old, she hasn't written. None of you guys have any idea of what Consecuted refers to? Consecuted. I feel like. We just have to ask somebody.

Well, I also think that maybe getting a little preparation before we head deeper into this place might not be a terrible idea, and having a couple friends before we start. I mean, I'm all for charging ahead and leaving this town, but I just don't know what we're heading towards. Well, in the short term,

we need to learn how to ride these beasts. We could also have Jester, you could check in with Yeza. Let's find a place to sleep, maybe. Yeah. I mean, the tasks she set for us are not super easy, I don't think, but. Task one was find a spy from the Empire. Yeah, there's some dickhead Empire person

that's like a spy. Interesting. Does she give you any leads? Nope. Oh, four corners. She said they were transmitting signals from the four corners, or messages from the four corners. And 5,000 gold if we find he or she alive.

That seems like a lot. And then the other was to find more of those rifts, the source of them, put it out, 10,000 gold, or one super hot favor. Well, the source of them could be in a whole other plane or dimension. She seemed to think it was here. Okay.

This all sounds very time intensive. Maybe. I think we should check in with your husband. Yes, of course. I'm a little interested in who the spy is. I mean, it could be a bit of a conflict of interest, because I feel like we're spies from the Empire. We don't work for the Empire.

Shut up, don't say that shit out loud. Well, listen, we got to go rest for the evening anyway. There's only going to be three of us that are taking these seminar classes on how to ride the Shadow Panther maniacs, right? I think it might be wise for maybe, well, I don't know, everybody to learn. He just rolled to see if he heard you talking about that.

I know he did, he was rolling perception. I would speak hushedly. Can he? You know what, why don't we just take this out of the city for now? What do you think? Yeah. I'm okay to see all this. I mean, I don't know. Wait, leave the city to go to sleep?

And to talk about this a bit more, yeah. Because if we're coming back in to take seminar classes, the other half could go check out the Four Corners. Oh fuck, that's a good point. Otherwise, we're just sitting in daycare, you know what I mean? It's not a bad idea, actually. I don't normally, I'm not normally a fan of splitting people up, but that's clever.

Like, driver's ed isn't fun for everybody, all right? Let's go sleep, though, because it's been a really long day. Yeah, I'm tired. We're going to try and sleep in the city or outside the city? Hell. All right. Yes, sir. Make our way out. Should we stop by Zor's place and just let him know

that keep hanging on to our little guys and we'll come and get them. No worries, just come on board with them. They're all here waiting for you. Shut up! Feed them! They'll be right here. I got to go. I'll see you later.

Heads on back to join the rest of the goblin crew that looks like one of them is starting to buck and get angry and they're holding it down with ropes. It's going to be some interesting purchases. Oh my god. All right. We're going to make our way out of the city. Let's go camping.

You exit the city. You find yourself a comfortable place on the outskirts, which is not too hard, and you do see there are actually a number of tents on the outside of the city, where some folks just don't have spaces inside of Saurias to find home, or some folks that prefer to just sleep out under the stars. There are a number of campsites that are head out there,

especially over by where the large portion of the army is set. You can see a number of fires, little lights as soon as the sun eventually crests for the day, where all the soldiers are scattered and still preparing for whatever movement is ahead of them. Keep an eye on the skies for birds.

Okay. As you guys are preparing and dusk sets in, you do see one of those large beasts looming towards the city, just naturally wandering in that direction and begins to gain some speed. Towards the edge, you hear a horn go and another one off behind it.

You see as a few soldiers come rushing out on that end of the gate as this huge beast is looming towards it. It gets close and then suddenly skids to a stop and turns around and bolts the opposite direction. They repel it, though you are not certain of the means or use. It runs the opposite way for about a quarter mile

and just stops and sits there, and you watch it, and slowly begins to mosey northward away from the city. No flashes, no lights, no. No. Interesting. But you bed down for the evening, gather your thoughts, gather your abilities, and think amongst yourselves

what the next proper plan of action is before you're about to enter day two on the outskirts of the City of Beasts. That's where we'll end tonight. Yeah! Take up there next week the City of Beasts. That's where we're going to take up there next week. City of Beasts! Crazy. That is so good.

I'm excited. This is a very different vibe from where you started. Yes. I'm a fan. I'm a fan! Let's update that on that. Yes. Yeah, you do. We'll get that one fixed.

Let's just start the updates now. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you guys for tuning in. Don't forget, tomorrow, here at the Twitch channel at 7 p.m. is our Search for Grog one-shot. Make sure you see that, 7 p.m. Pacific. Event of the season. Indeed.

And we'll see you next Thursday. But guys, thank you so much for joining us. We love you very much. And is it Thursday yet? Good night. Yeah! enjoyed this ever-weaving story, please consider rating and reviewing our podcast. You might just inspire someone new to hop on the wagon for the journey. We have plenty more stories to tell. Stay tuned, and we'll see you next time.