Critical Role - C2E69 The King's Cage

Episode Date: July 4, 2019

The Mighty Nein pass through an ominous doorway to uncover the secrets of an evil locked away for centuries...Watch Critical Role live Thursdays at 7pm PT on https://www.twitch.tv/criticalroleNew banner hype! Our fabulous Mighty Nein monogram designed by Crystal Sharp has been forged into a badass banner by our friend Bryan Forrest!Check them out and show them some Critter love:Crystal: https://twitter.com/MalcassairoBryan: https://twitter.com/SirBryanForrest

Hello, bees! This is Laura Bailey, here to welcome you to the Critical Role podcast. If you'd like to tune into the show as it airs, you can watch Critical Role Thursdays at 7 p.m. Pacific on twitch.tv slash criticalrole and youtube.com slash criticalrole. Our lovely Twitch subscribers can view the episode on demand right away. Or you can find it on YouTube, Mondays at 12pm Pacific. And of course, for all you fantastic podcast listeners, Critical Role episodes hit feeds on Thursday mornings, a week after the episode first airs. With all that said, let's get into another episode of Critical Role. Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

We're Dungeons & Dragons! Dragons. Before we get into tonight's game, we have a few announcements to get through. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors this evening. Our first, our friends, a campaign tool from beginning to now, for episode 69. Ooh!

Nice. Nice. Our friends at D&D Beyond. Sam. That just hit me. D&D Beyond wants you to know that the new D&D Essentials Kit is coming to Tarjay. It includes a newly designed rule book

that onboards players by teaching them how to make characters and adventures. The box includes several codes for D&D Beyond, and they've also created a new tutorial page focused on how to onboard new players into the game that we all know and love at dndbeyond.com slash essentials. The Essentials Kit is available exclusively at Target

until September 3rd, 2019. Now, sorry, quick announcement here, guys. As you know, my campaign to become the president of D&D Beyond President, sorry, quick announcement here, guys. As you know, my campaign to become the president of D&D Beyond President, wow, has been suspended. That is powerful stuff. We got an eternal loop going. I had to suspend my campaign because of a filthy rumor from the O'Brien campaign.

He decided to go low campaign and accuse me of colluding with a foreign power, lying about it, and making a deep fake video to cover it up, which sounds like me, but was not, I promise. So I am announcing that my campaign has resumed as of today because I am a fighter, I am a believer, and because I have a special secret weapon. I am a great debater. In fact, some would say I'm a master debater. Oh god. Classic.

Any people on the stage? Mm-mm, not on the stage. Actually, I got that nickname in high school. When I would walk down the hall, kids would say, there goes Sam the Master Debater. And they were right. I master debate all the time. I master debate they were right. I master debate all the time. I master debate in the shower,

I master debate in the back of a lift, I will come to your house and master debate in your closet while you are asleep. My master debating never stops! Which is why I am challenging Liam O'Brien to a debate right here, sometime in July. You guys can all tune in and watch me master debate Liam O'Brien in front of your own eyes. Oh well.

And I will master debate Liam O'Brien as long as it takes until he comes to the realization that I am even more of a furious master debater than him. But I'll need your help. So go ahead and tweet your debate questions to at D&D Beyond, and make sure to include the hashtag, master debater. Yeah!

I'm sure they'll appreciate that. Yes! Thank you for your support, your faith in my campaign. Remember, rule of cool always beats rules as written. God bless Sam-merica. Everyone, master debate yourself tonight. Wow. Wow. Did you ever master debate backstage at Les Mis?

Yeah, I had a robe. Okay, okay. That would cover up myself while I was master debating. I just wanted to be snug, that's all. When did you start master debating? You know, I think I really found I had a knack for it around 12 or 13. Really? Yeah.

That's when I really got into master debating. Yes. Spent a lot of time. Did anyone teach you how to master debate? I'm self-taught, but recently I've been master debating with my left hand. You know, for emphasis. Yeah, they're gestures.

I feel like it really changes the game. You can go open hand or closed fist. What is the longest span of time you've ever master debated? Oh, I can master debate for up to two minutes. So you wouldn't have what some politicians would call stamina.

Some politicians would call it that. But I got to go to sleep after I master debate, so I'm pretty relaxed. You would think with all that master debating, you would be a perfect candidate for filibuster, though. Right? Yeah. Hey, it's true. Were you on a master debating, you would be a perfect candidate for filibuster, right? Yeah. Hey, it's true. Or were you on a master debating team?

In college, I did master debate with a group, but it was just once, and it didn't feel right. I was pretty drunk. Oh god. Master debating is best when it's one-on-one. It's true, it really is. And that's what it'll be in July. Thank you, D&D Beyond. God, I love apologies. Oh man.

My heart rate is up, elevated. Yes. Have they fired us yet? I can't. I can't, I can't. Matt has been blue-screening for the last minute and a half. Ow.

Thank you, D&D Beyond. I am so sorry. Mm-hmm. No, no. Our second-to-lone sponsor, thankfully, I'm announcing. Returning tonight, the sponsor of tonight's episode as well, our friends at Idle Champions. We've talked about them before.

Returning now with a cool announcement we'll tell you in a second. For those that aren't familiar, Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms is an awesome strategy game that unites iconic D&D characters from novels, campaigns, and lore, about the D&D Forgotten Realms universe in one epic adventure, and is drawn from all sorts

of ancillary realms as well. Even Archon, the resident dickbag dragonborn that stole the Hand of Vecna at the end of our last campaign is in there. Hand of Vetna at the end of my last campaign is in there. Hand of Vetna, that's one of the chromatic, right? I think so, yeah. Yeah.

Bronze. That's from a Vox Machina standpoint. I think it holds. But no, East Gem, you bring in their adds. Death and strategy to the game as you quest to complete various world quests, I imagine. Adventures taken from official D&D modules and adventures that have come out,

including Dragon Heist and Curse of Strahd. It is available for PC and Mac on Steam, Xbox One, PlayStation 4, iPad, and all Android devices, and tonight's special announcement is that it's now available on iPhone. So you can keep your champion's idol on the go, which is pretty fun. That's awesome. I have an iPhone, that works for me.

You should check it out, Sam. I will, I will indeed. You're not busy master debating. You know, so it's hard to multitask for you. Yeah. You know what time to squeeze it in? It's in the App Store now. Let's celebrate the launch with a free gold chest when you enter the code NOWONIPHONE.

I was like, now on the phone? There was no spaces. Now on iPhone, one word, in the in-game shop to get your free gold chest. For more information, check out idolchampions.com slash Critical Role. All righty. We've got a few more announcements here.

You can join us Saturday, July 20th for our Talks Machina panel at San Diego Comic-Con. Hooray! We announced that. We'll be in room 6BCF, for those of you who'll be down there braving the droves and droves of us geeks that will be taking over the Gaslamp District and beyond. You can check out all the details there at critrole.com slash events.

We also shared an update on our summer programming schedule yesterday on our socials, if you haven't checked it out yet. Includes, pardon me, updates on Handbooker Helper, Maim Drop, Travis Willingham's World of Hams. Travis Willingham's Yeehaw Game Reader. Yeah, you should have. That's a good one. I don't even have any. Between the Sheets and a special

Call of Cthulhu one-shot that Taliesin Jaffe here is going to be running. Yes! The Immortal. Excited about that. Fucking end you. I'm ready, I'm ready, my body's ready! I'm ready now! We announced a great guest that'll be on there as well. Check out all the details at CryptWorld.com.

As a reminder, we're taking a short rest next week as a studio. All of next week will be dark, but we'll be back Tuesday, July 9th. July 9th, that's the day, with Talks Machina. In the meantime, next week, take a break with us. Go and get caught up or introduce your friends to the insane stuff that we do here.

Or just do what we do and relax and breathe. Yeah, play some Yundi. And last but not least, a huge thank you to our friend here at the channel, Brian Forest, who you've seen in a few episodes of Handbooker Helper, but he has designed, created, and we just recently put up our new Mighty Nein tabard. Yeah!

Hanging symbol on the back wall there. It's a series of leather, wood, and actual metal that's been all sorts of treated and burned and shaped and shaved, and he's amazing. So thank you, Brian, you're awesome. You're welcome. I believe that's the end of our announcements. So without further ado,

let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. The adventure begins They were always beside you Your nerdy best friends And the DM to guide you And they rise from the flames For the battles ahead Villains beware Cause you're about to be dead

They got magic and flair They got falchions and cunning They don't see over there There's a monster incoming Inspiration is waiting Rise up, don't think twice Put your fate in your hands Take a chance, roll the dice Roll the dice Critical

Roll the dice Critical Roll the dice Critical Roll the dice Critical Can you answer the call? Digging deep in your soul

As the legend unfolds Now it's your turn To roll Dirty mouth. You're super late on that. Welcome back. So, last we left off, the Mighty Nein have been chasing down a lead,

an individual who had been racing northward and seemingly is attached to these strange devices that have been causing rifts to the abyss to tear open all across Xhorhas. Following this individual across the barbed fields, dodging and escaping dangerous encounters, you found yourself beneath the nearby mountains of Bazzoxan, traveling through subterranean tunnels

of some ancient dungeon once locked by these celestial angel statues. You made your way through a bridge where silence was of the essence, where it seemed a chasm filled with tortured, twisting flesh, teeth, and eyes would jibber, if you will, upon hearing the presence of players. Escaping the confusion and a few tumbles,

one completely off the edge of the. Escaping the confusion and a few tumbles, one completely off the edge of the bridge and into the mass, thankfully salvaged by a played via remote jester. And then into a strange cold maze of mirrors and a glacial crystal barrier upon which, inspecting the reflections of the mirrors, the reflections begin to pull some of you in.

In an alternate chamber, their battle was done with strange reflections, dark reflections of yourselves. Upon completing that battle, you found a way back into the main chamber, discovered the musical key that managed to open this crystalline barrier, and behind that, another door, which contained one of the porcelain celestial sculptures,

holding its hands together with a small opening. You discovered in the Mirror Realm what looked to be some sort of a magical dagger that was embedded in the wall. Placing it within this sculpture, it unlocked the door. As the eyes bled, they swung open. And that is where we've left off.

So, Mighty Nein, what would you like to do? Short rest, cast Identify for 10 minutes on that fucking dagger. Whoa, look at you, smart guy. What the hell? You already put it in the statue. We were identifying something, right? Whip. The whip. Yeah. The dagger it in the statue. We were identifying something, right?

The web. Yeah. The dagger's in the door, and the door is open at this point. You don't know if it's removable or not. Right, what can we see beyond the door, or is it stored somehow? Make a perception check.

Mm, that is a 16. 16. Right now, this distance, looking in there, it's just darkness, about 20 feet or so of hallway. That light that's getting there is just from the light that you guys are creating in your space. Then it just goes into pitch black. Do you think this could wait, Or do we need to know now?

I'm afraid we might not get another opportunity if we get Madryff. Are you afraid there's something wrong with it? It's bad news? No, not bad news, but it's good news. We could use all the help we can get. Maybe you should. Say that again.

I was saying, you know, give it a crack, but I guess you should check it first. That's fair. I give it a crack, but I guess you should check it first. That's fair. I give it a crack. Echoes through and snaps. The chambers briefly seem to rock slightly, though it may just be your perspective of the loud snapping of the sound barrier.

It's an isolated place. It is longer than any whip you've seen, and as you crack it, it whirls up and manages to stretch quite a distance before it snaps. Yeah. Identify it, identify it, identify it! Did it seem like it stretched longer than it actually is when he's holding it at rest? Uh, it's hard to tell.

Okay. So I walk away from the door and sit and crisscross applesauce and begin to identify. We can all do the same, take a short rest, yeah. I guess you already want one. What if the rest takes 30 minutes, you want it? I'm sure this is about an hour. An hour.

You can if you want to. We didn't hit. I'll see you guys. We should post up and look for a- The warlock was at a gas. I'm good. I'm good, but you know, if Fjord needs a little resty-poo, he should take one.

Nobody else needs one? Just me, being selfish over here? I have been dinged a little bit. Yeah, same. And I don't ever have much. You know, might as well stack the deck where we can. Can I get a hey? Hey.

What? No. What? No. Something we do in Port Damala. I was trying to go with it, man. It's like a dock call. You're like, had a good voyage today. Can I get a hey? And all the ships are like, hey.

It's a real unifying thing, you know, union workers. I heard them do that in Nicodranas as well. Me? Yeah. Truth. See? Yeah. Truth. Hey. Yeah. Yeah, hey. Hey. So we're taking a rest.

Sure, but we need to be on guard, on watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's all take a short rest back to back and keep an eye out. Great idea. Great, yeah. I'm good, so I'm going to do some investigating. Ooh. I want to see if I can find any carvings,

any writing, any script on the walls, anything. Inside the mirror chamber? No, no, in the angel chamber. Oh, you mean the space between the barrier and that angel doorway? Okay, go ahead and make an investigation check. Celestial foyer. If you will, yes, an N2 chamber.

All right. 17. I'm not feeling stressed at all. 17. Looking among the walls of this small, maybe 10-foot gap between the two barriers, the stone is much like the previous chamber. It's been hewn and smoothed, but not to a perfect level.

It's a bit rough and warped in places, but it doesn't have any jagged edges to it. You don't see any particular symbols or writing that calls your attention within this chamber, unfortunately. This chamber. I'm going to keep watching, yeah. We should look at the mirror thing, because that angel is weeping.

Oh my god, what if the wall opened up on the other side? You mean the, uh... You mean in the Mirror Realm? Yeah. So that figures. The ice thing? If nobody else needs a short rest, I mean, it might not hurt to go look at all the mirrors. I ought to make sure something hadn't changed.

All right, well, I can. I'll go with you. Okay. Okay. We'll go together. Okay. All right, so what the two of you do? We're going back to the mirror room and... And looking and seeing for changes and stuff. Okay, you approach the nearest mirror and reach out and...

Oh no, I couldn't get through before. I couldn't either. Do you think it's... Maybe they're worse people to do this than. Well, we're very perceptive. Well, you are anyway. Let's just make it once around. Okay.

So we're going to go all around the room. And touch every mirror. As you're making your pass, you get about half of the chamber checked and all the mirrors are solid. None are letting you pass. Maybe it closed the door? Yeah, maybe it was active when the knife thing

was in the handle and not now. Maybe. You get the sense from watching what transpired here as well, the mirrors seem to be a one-way activation. Oh right, somebody has to be on the other side to pull us through. And nobody's on the other side now.

That makes sense. Oh well. Maybe somebody should have stayed on the other side now. That makes sense. Oh well. Maybe somebody should have stayed on the other side. Yeah, you're right. Well, no, wait, then we don't want someone to stay. There's no reason to go there anymore, right? Anyway, I think it's fine. Hey, Jester? Yeah? You see my flask?

The one you always drink from you seen my flask? The one you always drink from? The only flask I ever drink from, that's right. The one that's, is it the one that's got a lot of alcohol, like, endless alcohol in it? Yes, the one that defines me as a person, yes, that one. I wouldn't say it defines you as a person. I think you are defined by many other things. Sure, but you know the one I'm speaking of.

Have you seen it? It's the one that I always have on me by many other things. Sure, but you know the one I'm speaking of. Have you seen it? It's the one that I always have on me. I have not. You have? I have not. You have. Yes, I have. What? I have.

You've seen it? Where is it? Who has it? I have it. You have it? Who has it? I have it. You have it? Yeah. Why? Well, because you were always drunk and you also were doing some weird things

and it made me really nervous for you and I thought that really nervous for you, and I thought that maybe, you know, you would have a clear head if you didn't have it, and then you would realize that you didn't need it because you had a clear head, and then you would go, oh my gosh, thank you so much, Jester, for taking it from me.

And you didn't think you could talk to me about that? Well, at the time, you were pretty drunk. I'm always drunk. Well, no, you're not now. I don't like now. Well, but think about how clear we're talking right now. I feel like we talk like this all the time.

Well, kind of, but usually your eyes are going like this. There's a lot to see in the world. It's a very amazing place. Listen, you might be enjoying this conversation, but I am not. You are not. This is confusing. I haven't felt like myself in days now,

and I don't like it, and I'm sad that you couldn't talk to me about this. I'm sorry. Well, I'll forgive you if you give me back my flask. I will not. Will you? I will. But I want you to think about the fact that, you know,

that, well, I would say you're doing so much better without him, but you're not. You jumped off a fucking bridge. I could chase after you and almost die? I am a bundle of nerves right now. I've been, the whole time we've been coming down here, it's dark, it's scary, I'm scared. And I'm thinking about things,

and I don't want to think about things. I don't want to think about anything. I just want to be on an adventure with you guys, and that's all I want. And I don't want to think about anything else past that. Life can be hard. And it is. You have a husband and a son who loves you very much.

I love them, too. And they want you alive. And sometimes when you're drinking this, you don't look for traps, or when you do, you trigger them. Well, nobody's perfect. It's just that they rely know, they rely on you, and we do, too, and...

I know, but I don't know if... I don't, I can't have everyone relying on me, right? Well, no! I mean, you can rely on me, too, and we can rely on Caleb, and you can rely on... I'm just scared, that's all. I'm just scared, that's all. I'm scared of...

I'm scared of what happens next. You know? I don't know what's going to happen after this. I found my husband, I found my son, and I want to go back with them so much. Yeah. But I'm worried that if to go back with them so much. Yeah. But I'm worried that if I go back, that'll be it.

It doesn't have to be. Hell, we might not make it back, you know? Nobody knows what's going to happen. I worry that we got my mom in trouble and somebody's going to go find her because of things we did, and she could be hurt right now. Or even if she's not, we might not ever get out of here

and we might not ever get back to Nicodranas. We have to get back to your family. I want to get back to mine, but... I don't know. Sometimes it's just easier to... Escape? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I'll think about what you said. Maybe I'll try not to drink all day. Maybe I can start with baby steps and only drink between the hours of like, what do you suggest? Maybe like between the time we camp and like the time you go to sleep only. Oh wow, that is a short interval. I was thinking like 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.

That's the whole day. It's not the 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. That's the whole day. It's not the morning, it's not right when you wake up. You know, it's like right when you take a nap. What if we find the trap at like one? I might set it off. Yeah. Yeah. And then we could all die.

Especially me. Yeah, you'd be the closest, and a lot of times I'm standing next to you, so is Caleb, and he's squishy. He is. He's very handsome, though. Yes, he's very handsome. He's shaped. Nice on. He has a nice chin. He does. Little clef in it.

All right, I'll compromise. Okay. 1130 to 11. To start? Not! I can't stay mad at you. Give me my flasher, I'll kill you! All right, all right, I love you, I love you. Just think about it, okay?

I will think about it, I promise. Okay. And hey, if you feel like you really need it or something, just tell me and I can cast a restoration spell on you or something and maybe you'll feel better. Wait, I can get as drunk as I want? And then when I want undrunk, you can just always be there? No, I'm not going to waste my spells like that.

But you could. I don't know if it works like that. I was saying if you have a hangover or something. Only one way to find out. No, I don't know if it works like that. I was saying if you have a hangover or something. Only one way to find out. I don't like this class. Ah! This is the worst. It's 1130 somewhere, let's go back.

All right, in the meantime, anyone else doing anything specifically? Keep searching for stuff if I can. Okay. Not finding things. Well, what else are you looking for? I don't know. Stop. You're supposed to be good at investigating.

You suck at it! No, you're very good at it. Why are you making so much noise over here? What are you looking for? Fucking answers. The answers. Is there a mechanism? Do I see any?

How is it crying? Why is it crying? You want to investigate the door? Why are the angels crying? The statue? The statue. Yeah, I'll carry over investigation roll there. You go ahead and inspect it, and it's a very slow trickle. Glancing at it,

there isn't a particular mechanism that you can find. There is a slight gap underneath the eye where the blood seems to come from, but you're not certain if the mechanism here is mechanical or enchantment-based. It's a strange... It's a strange thing. It's weird.

Fucking hate not knowing shit. Can we get a sense of how old these things are? I can't remember if we've done that in a past game, but. I mean, based on the conversation that you had with the angel, and make a history check. Are you? 19. 19?

Yeah. Some of the iconography, the discussion based on the history of Bazzozan, the conversation with the Angel Skull. You get the sense this place is pre-calamity. There's a lot of things in this area of Xhorhas that haven't been built recently by the Korean Dynasty. And no writing at Boer or Gajor have found it?

There's no writing on this door or these bells or musical tone devices. Not specifically in this section, no. Maybe we have just run out of road here. Maybe we need to gather our things and go in. Have they got that whip? What's the whip? Well, I can't use it.

It's best in somebody's, where is everybody? They're all here, you're all here? You guys are all still mostly gathered. They're sitting, keeping an eye on the way forward, just keeping the ear and the eye open. Scratching a little design, a little armor. It's very cool, but I can't use it. It would be best in the hands of someone very strong,

so I would imagine one of you two ladies, if you want. Maybe you, because you're always like, doing many things, so maybe for you, but what it does is it will grab ahold of your foe from quite a ways away and restrain them, pull them toward you. But I can tell just by the heft of it that it needs some muscle, so you know, look at me.

Weep. I mean, I can, would I be able to pull it and then yank it towards somebody else? You'd have to experiment with it. I don't know, I'm not really a whip master. It's a very long whip. I was a good debater in school, but. Were you a master debater?

Some would say. Wow, I've heard about those. Did you see her palms? Like a... Let me see the whip. Really doled out some punishment with that one. How's it feel? How's it feel?

It feels pretty hefty. It's got a nice weight to it. It's hefty. It's got a nice weight to it. Can you use it with other things, though? Probably not. Oh, like in one hand while you've got a sword? Oh, you've got a two-handed weapon, too.

Jester, I think. It has your name all over it. Jester, I think, though. I mean, how often do you hit things with your handaxe? Like, never. Yeah. Might as well have it. I think that's more useful than your axe. Restrain is in like grapple?

You can choose. It grapples, if you can use an action to attack something, it has a 20-foot reach. It's a very long whip. If it hits, you choose to either restrain them. They become grappled as part of that. You can choose to restrain them as part of the grapple, or you can pull them 20 feet towards you.

You can also be using objects. Ooh! To pull objects towards you, or you toward objects. Oh shit, Indiana Jones! I love this! It could maybe work for you, because you do so many things and you forget something. Oh my gosh, I'm putting it on my belt right now!

It can move pretty fast. I love it. This feels like... Oh, she's sick. LAURA and SAM and LAURA and SAM and LAURA and SAM. Oh boy. Is there anything up high that I can hit it with? Wow. That I can wrap it around? Make a perception check. Wow, that was a journey.

That was a journey. Greatest roll of the show. It was a journey. Great decision. The role of the show. It was still pretty good. Forever. Yeah, 20. As long as it didn't get electric. 23. 23.

Okay, glancing near the entryway where you guys first came in, there was a faint aspect of an archway where you can see there's a little groove on top and a little space between where some of the stone has fallen away. There's a slight gap. And I pull myself up towards it.

Okay, you go ahead and wrap around, and as you invoke the whip, it seems to retract and almost like a reverse-overband, pull you through the air towards it. Whoa! And you can either choose to grab onto it or just fall. I'm going to grab onto it. Okay, so you leap about at an angle,

about 20 feet up, and then catch yourself. You're now hanging about five feet off the ground, your feet dangling. Whoa! Whoa! This is the coolest thing ever. It's like that VR game. Caleb. Thank you. Oh, sure.

I'm just going to stay here for a while, you guys. I'll keep looking around. There's a spider on your head. Cool. Whoa. I walk over and push up at the shoe. No! No upskirt paintings of anyone. I wear pants under my dress.

On ropes. Anything else anyone wants to do in this area? No, let's go. Has the short rest ended? Short rest is an hour, so if you aren't sure, you've heard. I don't think I got it, Beau. That was hurting. Yasha. I'd say, because you were casting the spell, you could Has the short rest ended? The short rest is an hour, so if you aren't sure. I don't think I got it, but. Yasha. I'd say because you were casting the spell,

you could take a short rest, but it'd have to wait an additional 10 minutes. Okay. Okay. So the short rest is complete. You all right? You're staring at the wall a little bit. I think so. I think I just, I'm ready to

figure out what this place is and what's going on and just to have some answers, you know? Nothing's familiar at all. Not that it would be, but. No, I don't think I've ever been here before. So I don't, none of this is familiar to me. You know, you are often on the front line with us,

but might I suggest you stick to the middle right now? I don't know if I feel comfortable with that. A little protection is not a terrible thing. It can be. I would like to be in the front, if that's okay. The choice is yours. I think I'm just, I'm tired of being in the middle. I'm not being able to do anything, so.

If it's okay with you guys, I would like to be in the front. Lead the way, yeah. Mm-hmm. Be proud to follow you. We're right behind you. Okay. Real quick, because we're in the room.

Yes. For an hour now. Any new tracks in this room that do not belong to us? Make us a raffle check. Oof. Seven. Seven. It's hard to tell in this chamber. I mean, there's a lot of dust got kicked up and around by you guys in the middle of trying to inspect the place

and dealing with the musical entryway and the shifting of the barrier. Your eyes don't pick up anything one way or the other. I would remind us all of one thing, remember? We were following tracks up to that barrier. None were on the other side, so whoever was here before us, possibly recently, did not open that door.

We have, in case we didn't see them on the way through. Just want to make sure no one's in here with us, has gone through, or is behind us. Are there tracks on the inside going towards where we're going? Are there footprints already leading down? He just made a tracking check, didn't see anything. Do you want to make a survival check?

Yeah, I'll join in. Not much better, 10. 10? Not picking up anything really one way or the other. Nothing catches your eye. While they look around, I'm going to retract what I said. I am going to lay out for another 10 or 15 minutes. Okay, what are you doing?

Arcane recovery. Okay. To achieve that short rest like the others did. Okay, got you. So you guys hang for an additional 15 minutes past the hour-long short rest, so he can go ahead and recover a little bit of his arcane knowledge. Do I see anything looking ahead into the room?

Your darkvision, which I believe normally extends to 60 feet, is still reduced to 30. The curse of this locale seems to limit vision and light. That 30-foot range, the hallway just continues. You can see the stonework going instead from that smooth-hewn stone to, looks like intentional brick at the very cusp, like stone bricks that are layered

and built on both sides of the wall. So going from the smooth interior to a constructed interior. But that's the extent of your visual range from where you guys are waiting. Can I check for tracks going in there as well? Unfortunately, everyone's already pushing into the track rolls.

All right. Yeah. It's all good. My fault. But yeah. Well, any other prep we need to do before we go in? Let's go! Anybody got any glass vials, beakers, anything like that? I do.

Want to smash one of those up in a little piece of cloth and just scatter it on the floor behind us? Just in case we walk in and somebody steps on it. I say this quietly. It's very small. I mean, we have a thousand ball bearings, don't we? Yeah, but this would make noise.

Yeah, like if they step on it. Like a chemist's bottle. Let me see what else I have. Yeah, that might be perfect. Just enough to make a crunch out of it. Sodom's Play called Impossible Mission. It was great. Yasha.

All right, would you. All right, sure. Would you allow me again to, and I start to trace the same angles through the air, and cast Gift of Alacrity on you again. So initiative for the next eight hours. Nice. Thank you, Caleb. Can I take an empty healing potion bottle

and get some of the blood that's dripping and put it in the bottle? Sure, yeah, you can definitely do that. It takes a little bit, it's not like a serious rush, this is a very slow trickle, so you have to take some time while, you know, kind of resting and waiting for Caleb to finish to go ahead and fill some of the vial, but it's doable, yeah.

Does it feel like there's a thrumming coming from this one, too? Not a thrumming, necessarily. Are you feeling for the music you mean? Yeah. You put your ear to it. There is a faint music to it. Connects it to the other ones

that you've listened to before, yeah. Yasha. Yeah? Did you ever put your ear to this? I did, I put it to the back when we were down there, but I kind of want to hear it again. Put it in, it's playing the music again. Give it a listen. The same tune, same seven notes in repetition,

just kind of this soft, droning progression. Do do do do do. Sounds familiar. Ah, intermission. So you guys have rested up. You've inspected the whip and ascertained its nature. Is there anything else you wish to do at this juncture? Hell no, let's go, Yasha.

Let's go, yeah. Lead the way. Okay. Okay? Is everybody ready? Mm-hmm. You got it. What's the marching order, by the way? Well, Yasha.

Yasha comes, perfect. Want to get behind Yasha? I'll be behind Beau. Wait, get the cleric up there. I'll be behind Beau. All righty. cleric up there. I'll be behind Beau. All righty, so wait, so he conduces behind Beau and then Fjord? Yep. All righty, who's up next?

There's no light source down here, right? I'll be next. No. Not that you can see. Not next, and then Caleb and Jester. Caleb at the back. Do you want me to be in the back, or? Yes, please. Okay, I'll be in the back. Caleb will be.

You got it. Oh, Jester's got the boob. Oh, you'll get the switch. I take a big old fat swig of booze. You got it. My shoulders won't. No. All righty. Progressing onward for another 60 or so feet,

you watch the tunnel, much like you had noticed, change texture into these foot-high, two-foot-wide stone bricks, offset laid to create walls. The chamber itself, it's about 20 feet wide, or the hallway, 20 feet wide, 10 feet tall, just a walkway. Continuing on for a bit. Arched or just square flat? Square.

Okay. Continuing onward for the extent of this tunnel, it opens up. You can see what looks to be railing on the right and left sides as you begin to push forward, Yasha, and then railing ahead of you across the way. So as the chamber opens up, you can see rail this way

and then bits of railing here with a gap. It looks like there's a larger, dark chamber inside, and you can see the very faint flickering of light, small little light sources flickering, just out of sight. Do you continue on towards the end of the hallway? Sure, yeah, sure. So.

Rayleigh's on either side. Yeah, it's like a T? Kind of. The hallway continues, and then it just opens up. The walls open into this space, like a ca, right? Railing's on either side. Yeah, it's like a T? Kind of, the hallway continues, and then it just opens up. The walls open into this space, like a cavern or a room here. Like a rail, like once you open it up, there's a railing across it. There's a railing across it

and railing on each side, and then the chamber opens up below. It looks like it falls off. And then whatever, whatever that is. Any time there's a walkway, a giant open castle, bad news bears. Where else are we going to go? Yeah.

I just want to savor this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. While we're all still alive. Okay. I'm just going to take this moment to burn a one first-level spell slot of Transmutation Magic I have Feather Fall prepared just to shift the transmutation stone back to help with concentration.

Concentration. Different property for the stone. Okay, you got it. Okay, I move forward. Okay. As you're stepping forward, as the walls open up on each side, you can see two wide staircases that slowly spiral down into a larger chamber that is below,

about 20 feet below you. You can see what looks to be candelabras affixed multiple points, torches across the way, torches to each right side that are gently flickering. That's the only light source in this chamber. All the light is condensed. You can see what you would expect to be the radius, once again, also choked by the locale.

What does a blind human see? I'm just holding onto Nott's shoulder. Right, blind human, well, you see darkness other than the sources of the firelight. So you see little flickering candles. And so you see the candelabra. A little bit of light in the distance. You still can't make out the extent of it,

but a little bit of light that's coming through, that's given off and is being choked is making visible a slight shape in the center of the floor down below. What's the shape? Make a perception check. Both of you, since you guys are in the center of the floor down below. What's the shape? Make a perception check. Both of you, since you guys are in the front. Natural 20.

Yes! All right. Hell yeah, 15. 15, okay. Gross. At this distance, at the edge of the railing, it's hard to make out the details. You, however, squint goggles on, focus out, and you can see the candelabras themselves

are at the four corners of this slightly stepped raised platform that goes up about five feet, and there is a wide stone slab about five feet high, 10 feet on each side. Looks like a sarcophagus. Cool, cool, cool. Kind of, it kind of looks.

I pass it down the line. Are there any tracks amongst our feet? Anything fresh? You're having a hard time picking up tracks, man. Yep, sorry, you know. I got to quit shuffling. The scripture at the front said, Let lie the king's instrument,

deathless and detained until the world ends. Deathless. And detained. Oh god. We're going to make it deathful. Nott, are you okay? I'm great. Oof. What?

Have you been? What? I've been hitting the sauce. Undead pings? Uh, I feel like we're too far away. I mean, I can't really see anything yet. We're a little closer. Can we send some lights down there? You think that'd be a bad idea? Have we stepped out into, or at least to the railing?

You guys are up at the railing now. How far down does it go? It goes down about 20-so feet. Oh, in that case, I'll do a ping then. Let me ping. Meaning to the floor, and then the actual, this stone slab-like structure itself is maybe, hard to tell then the actual, this stone slab-like structure itself is maybe, hard to tell from the distance, but about

40 or 50 feet out from where you guys are standing at the edge. I will do Eyes of the Grave then. Okay. Close your eyes and focus. Nothing. No one dead within 60 feet? Led Superman, don't be in trouble.

Nothing within 60 feet? Above us? Above us? Above us? The chamber, as it opens up, it opens up into a ceiling about five feet higher than the hallway you were in, but it's just this smooth, make a perception check for me.

Oh god, 10. Okay. You see the roof is singular singular wide, arched ceiling. You can barely make out with what little bit of light there is. There's designs on it, but you can't tell anything from this distance in this low light. Just sit up there.

If I put my hand on the wall, do I feel any kind of? Thrumming? Yeah. You put your hand on the wall, make I feel any kind of? Thrumming? Yeah. You put your hand on the wall, make a perception check. Roll a wisp. There's like drums and stuff. A vulva? Vulva. Eight. Eight, nothing.

It feels like a wall. How far down? 20 feet. It's 20 feet. 15, 20 feet to the bottom part of the floor of the staircase it's bringing you down to. I mean, we ready to light this room up. We can't see anyone else in there, just the stone? Not in this light, no.

We haven't exactly been quiet. You roll a dutch, it's running your perception check, and you don't see anybody else in the room. They'd know if we're coming, we haven't been quiet. There was no door. Light it up. I'm going to take a swig and go invisible. Okay. Nott vanishes.

I pull out the drift globe and light it up and say, Tawaj floats next to us. Okay. Tawaj. It lights up in. It's on the paper. Yep. It creates the daylight spell, which lights the chamber, and you can now see plainly

this stone tomb sarcophagus-like structure, fairly simple, has three sets of dark chains pulled across it. Oh! That's nice, guys. Just a bike car shot. Looking up, you can see Blood all over the ceiling.

No, there's a massive mural painted across it. What you see is a violent depiction of a swollen, pale, worm-like body coiled to a grotesque length, burrowing through landscapes of vibrant trees, turbulent oceans, fiery mountains, and desolate barrens. At the center of this worm-like form extends three elongated arms,

ending in grasping hands, breathing a bulbous, hairless, humanoid head, screaming, bearing a crooked crown. The eyes are black voids, the mouth open, the grimace revealing rows of serrated teeth. It's detailed, but also jagged in the art. There's talent in this, but it isn't refined. Ladies and gentlemen, the Crawling King.

Yeah. Yeah. Does it look like it's carved into the ceiling? Best you can tell, it looks like it's painted. Okay. Jacket. It's carved into the ceiling? Best you can tell, it looks like it's painted. Painted, okay. Jacket. It's beautiful, there's a lot of colors. You can see the detail, but the lines aren't smooth.

The lines are a little rough to give it this weird, almost violent feel to a still image. On the opposite wall from us, where we are at this railing, is it a matching walkway around, or just the stairs that go down to the? The stairs that go down, there's another walkway, it's just an open room.

You see the walls go straight and then angle inward and then you see two torches in the opposite end that are just faintly burning. Doorways, any sort of entrance? From what you can see, no other doorways. But you're quite a distance to check. How are these chains affixed in here again? There's three sets of them that cross over

from corner to corner. Over the slab. Over the slab and then a center one there, yeah. Where do they come from? Are they coming out of the ground? They're coming off the ground. They're locked in there and bolted. Bolted, too, though. Well, might as well go down

and see what all the fuss is about. I'll start walking down the right side. Right side. Is there anything? I'll go left. Okay, while invisible. What's up, Jester? Sir? Sorry, does it look like, this is stupid,

that the mural on the, that it's a still image, it's not moving at all? Make a perception check. Oh, Jesus. 24. You glance up in focus, holding your breath for a second and just waiting for any sort of shift or movement.

Still, it's an art relief. Fucking mad. What? Is there any ivory around? Ivory? Around the room? I don't know, yeah, sure. Make a perception check. What?

10. 10? I'm seeing the ivory. I'm going to grab the drift globe out of the air and tentatively follow Fjord down the stairs he's going. Okay. I am nervous to get close to this thing, but is there any writing of any kind on the slab,

on the walls down here? Okay, as you head down to the right, as you're curving down the stairway, there's a slight corner, like a gap, where the stairs drop off, and there's just a little alcove that's cut off from the rest of the chamber. You can see there's a singular torch there that's flickering. To the right. To the right, as you're heading down.

On the wall up, you can see the same writing that you saw on the obelisk when you first entered this from the tunnel. Build every bridge, become every nightmare. Nightmare, devour, peace the heavy heart. Is there writing on top of the slab with the chains? On top of the sarcophagus? Hard to see at this distance.

Are you joining the rest of the folks down there? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll move down. Okay. Just make sure these stairs don't turn into fucking slides and then we're stuck down here or some shit. Are they stone stairs? Do they look like there's a hinge or any sort of movement to them?

They look steady? Make an investigation check. I'm just going to walk down. Goddamn, Hurricane Harbor and this bitch, what the fuck? Eight. Eight, okay. It looks pretty solid to you. Nott, you head down. As you and Fjord make your curve down the stairway.

I'll wait to the top. Yes. You reach the bottom without a chance. Wow, wow, wow. The air stares. You can't keep doing that, I have a heartbreak. I turn around the way we came. Okay. Is there anything behind us?

And does it look like when we entered this chamber, if there's a door at the end of this or something that could cut us off? Make a perception check. Go fang-bong. What is fucking happening? That dice are half a happening? Six. You don't see anything in the hallway behind you

following up and from what you can see, it looks like a continuation of the stone bricks. You don't see anything, could be a door or a wall. He's the god of imprisonment and torture. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a running theme for the campaign. I'm checking out the South Cove, Does anything, so there's a torch in there or a candelabra with the right?

There's a torch onto the wall that's just been burning. You assume for it to be burning, if it's been here as long as this has been built, this is a torch that does not stop burning. Right, and is there any relief or stone that could be pressed or anything mechanical in here? Whereabouts?

In this alcove. You're just going to pursue the, oh, it's al Whereabouts? In this alcove. Oh, it's alcove. Specifically around this. Do you want to carefully go through and check it out? Investigation check. Roll for shit, 16. 16. That's not bad.

Six. Fair enough. You don't see anything in there that resembles a switch or a pressure plate. It just looks like an alcove. At the bottom, can I move towards the far end of opposite where we were at the railing just to see what's over there by those two sconces and shit? You don't want to pass the sarcophagus?

Yeah, I mean, other people are looking at it. You don't need all of us. Sarcophagus. Okay. You move across the opposite side, head over to the two torches, similar to the ones that are in the two alcoves that are affixed to the wall. You can see the wall just continues up and meets the mural where there's

the large arched ceiling there in the center. Nothing else in particular. No pressure plates or pulley thingies? Make an investigation check. God, son of a crap fire. You know what, where's that grog die? There we go. 14. 14.

You take a moment to start feeling around and checking any of the stone sections, the edges and corners to look for unnatural gaps and pulling the sconces. You go and pull one of the sconces, the torch comes out, put it back in. Nothing seems to be a mechanism of any kind. Nothing over here.

Same. So Yasha, you went down the... Went down the left side. The left side with Nott, Jester, Caduceus, you guys? I followed Yasha. Okay. I'll go the opposite way. Okay, so you guys have all, down in the central area, there's the four candelabras sitting at the corners

of this raised step platform where the sarcophagus hits the top. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I scoot around towards the opposite corner there in the back corner of the room, behind the sarcophagus. Okay, so you move similar to where Fjord is, but a little more to the edge where the wall itself

is like a cropped corner. Then how far from the sarcophagus if I want to walk up and inspect it? About 15, 20 feet. I will stealth over there and look at the sarcoph. Yeah. Go ahead and make an investigation or perception check from your choice.

Drunk. 15. 15, okay. On the side closest to you, that's on, if you're looking from where you entered, on the left side of the sarcophagus-type structure, you see a faint golden sigil that overlaps where a thin line marks where the lid of this would be.

Do I recognize the sigil? Make an arcana check. I'm terrible at that. Natural one. You have no idea. I wonder if it's a last job. Looks like a bee. Cool. Hello, bee.

Hi, hello, bee. Hello, bee. I head over to the sarcophagus as well, and super on edge, going to start to make a circle around the whole thing to see if there's anything to read. I'm going to stay up against the wall where the railing was. I want to make sure I'm clear. Oh, you're going to head off to the, which wall?

You didn't come downstairs? Like, I came down the stairs, and then I just stayed over by the stairs. Is it like a drop off where the railing was above us, then? Yeah, so you can go head over by that wall and looking up at Like, I came down the stairs and then I just stayed over by the stairs. Is it like a drop off where the railing was about us then? Yeah, so you can go head over by that wall and looking up at it, okay. And what are you doing? I want to be near Caleb.

Okay. While he's doing that, since we're all down here, I will walk back up to the top of the railing and keep an eye on the hallway. Okay. As I do that, I pull out my pearl and hold it to my forehead and cast a Fortune's Favor on myself.

You got it. Okay, you go around the opposite side that Nott invisibly is at, and you don't see her necessarily. On the other side, which would be the right side of the sarcophagus, kind of where you're looking at it head on from where you entered, there is a matching golden sigil there

that rests across where the lid itself, where the line is. That doesn't mean anything to me. Make an arcana check. Come on, come on, you fucking wizard. Come on, fucking Liam. Oh my god! Two ones!

Oh, it's a fortune's favor. You're going to use it now? Yes. Go for it. Do it, do it, do it. We need the same die. I'm doing investigation. This is arcana. Arcana. Same, 21.

Ooh! 21, okay. This is a strong abjuration. It is protective containment. It is an element of what is probably holding this thing together. And it's held together? It doesn't look like it's been moved at all? It's still there?

Are there any grooves, pits, holes, or anything on the top of this sarcophagus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's actually pretty smooth and featureless. Like, of as much as there's intricate carvings in other places here, you've seen, especially the statues and elements of previous chambers that you've gone through, this seems pretty simple.

Is there any rivulets or any trenches on the ground, anything in the ceiling that looks like it could drip blood around those archontos to it? Make a perception check. I also wanted to check out the wall behind as we came down the stairs. I want to see that. You pass by Fjord to trace his steps across the back wall.

What? Oh! What is that? Natural one. pass by Fjord to trace his steps across the back wall. What? Oh! That place is crazy. What is that? Natural one. Okay. That place is crazy. So Fjord, you're walking back,

heading towards the base of the stairs, and you see a figure step up to the railing. Eyes up. You see a... You all stop and look and glance, and you can see standing there, cloak over the shoulder, a drow figure who goes, Ha! Well done. Well done indeed.

I'm impressed by your tenacity and your capabilities. It is with great wisdom that I fled when we first met. Do you know where you stand? Bet you're going to fucking tell us. Please tell us. I shout from below. Looks over the railing at you with a smile. Welcome to the Heart of the King's Cage,

a relic of the Calamity, devised as a temple built to Torag around a primal fane of corrupting power. It was built secretly by the Allhammer Moradin and Serenine the Moonweaver to lure Torag into its use. Once bound to the fane, it was instrumental in banishing him beyond the planes to his fate within the boundaries of the Far Realm. However, this left the temple still corrupted

and post-Divergence, it fell entirely into the control of Torog Xelitz and his undying chosen, who, like his master, could not really be slain. The martyrs for Sehanin fought them to these depths and sealed it with their own Celestial Life Forces so they could all be forgotten. Now, I'm curious. why do you seek me out? We've not met before, and yet you so abruptly interrupt

a meeting. I'm curious, what stake have you in this game? What do you know of me? Why have you followed me? Ha ha ha ha. What do you know of me? Why have you followed me? Ha. Several sessions ago, I don't know. He's a source of upheaval. You sort of called out one of our friends over here.

So that gave immediate alarm. Had you not done that, maybe we wouldn't have. So, since you love monologuing, why don't you tell us what you want with her? You still haven't answered my question. You were there, you attacked me and my compatriot, you attempted to interrupt what was a secretive exchange.

How did you come about this information and why? We are very talented individuals. There is a sensitive balance being struck between the Dynasty and the Empire, and from what we saw, you are trying to upset that. We don't want to see any further loss of life, and therefore we tried to thwart whatever plans you have. Now, are you going to tell us what you know about our friend,

or are you just going to stand up there and die? You seem an assortment of vagabond mercenaries to be wandering these plains as your house. Where does your allegiance lie? You keep asking questions, man, without answering ours first. Yeah, tit for tat, right? Good.

Make a persuasion check. I suggest you come clean. And I cast Suggest. You cast Suggest. 20 total. Okay. Is that a wisdom save? 17. 17, you got it.

No joke, double natural 20s. Whoa, I didn't. Yep, confirmed. Shit. Wow, wow. Why did we get two 20s and a girl getting one? Guys, guys. Oh no. The guys don't like us tonight.

But in answering your question, he goes, Well, I had thought you lost, Orphan Maker. For so long, you were the prize of us. For months, we sought the threads of the angel's designs. You and I were the heart on the vessel, working towards her broken request. You watch as his form begins to slightly shift, the drow dropping away, leaving behind red skin,

yellow eyes, horns that curl up across the head, and a pair of red leathery wings that lie folded across the back. A figure you've seen in your dreams and visions a number of times as of late. Swathes of innocents who questioned our holy journey fell beneath our blades, your blade.

Then you vanished, leaving us heartbroken. and our holy journey fell beneath our blades, your blade. Then you vanished, leaving us heartbroken. To see you again brings me such joy, I have not the words. I'm eager to see what you've learned and what you've become while wayward and gone, orphan maker. You wish to know why I'm here? I'm following her design. The Angel of Iron seeks the dark, abandoned children, for she is the mother of all robbed of a greater family.

Where these children lie has been cruelly kept from her, from us, until we could reach the great books, the great secrets. Here, you have aided me in finding one such lost child, and for that I am eternally grateful. Her grace shines with you all, it seems. Who is the? Angel of Iam. Who is it? She is who she is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean? It seems the time is nigh. Come join me in welcoming our new brother to the arms of our angel. The wing is going to and he takes off, flying above you in the chamber. No. No.

Just taking a central position above you, about 20 of your feet, reaches and pulls out what looks to be a stone slab and begins to make a loud boosh, boosh. All right, let's go ahead and roll initiative. Yes! Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Ooh, oh boy.

Oh boy. Plus a DA. Yeah. Gigantic thing. I think we're going into combat, guys, and if we are, you guys should know that this combat is powered by Dwarven Forge. Their Hellscape Kickstarter campaign's going on now. It's full of illuminated magma rivers,

hand-sculpted devilish details, and all the infernal accessories you need to build your own personal hell. Mine is inside this helmet. Campaign ends July 1st. Go support it, critical and critrole.com slash hellscapego! Lord, no. This is bad.

All right. Don't let him out. Don't let him out. Oh boy. It's like the ballroom of the Titanic. Fuck. So Jester, you were down here. Yeah, right there.

Fjord, you were attempting to come back up the steps here. Yep. Nott and Caleb were on the sarcophagus. Correct. On either side. Either side, yeah. I was mirrored, Fjord. Oh, holy shit. I was in your bow.

I was next to Caleb. Yeah. Correct. All right. Oh, boysy. Ooh! Wee-wee! Wait, I thought he was. I thought you were up top, Fjord.

No, I was making my way. He was making his way before you. Make of my way up top! All right. He comes far away. So. Bring me a bus. Wigga, wigga, wigga, wigga, wigga, wigga, wigga. Jester.

No! He's more than 20 feet away from you. When he flies over your head, you must whip him. All right. Onto the ground. That brings us to 25 to 20. Oh. 20. Oh. 20. 24.

Wow. Ooh. 19 to 15? 17. 16. All right. 15 to 10? Eight. Also eight.

All right. Caduceus? Four. Come on, Cad, you got this. So, top of the round, Jester, you are up first. Yes. You can hear him beginning to read off of the tablet this heavy abyssal phrase

beginning to spill out of his mouth, resonant and echoing through the center of the chamber. What are you doing? Um. There's multiple choices here. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I've got two things I know I know. I just got to be at the top of the initiative.

Okay, so just one second. Okay. Okay. I'm going to, I'm just going to bust it out. I'm just going to do it. I'm just going to cast Dominate Person. Yeah. Going to cast Dominate Person. Going to cast Dominate Person.

Yeah. All righty. Yes. He's looking at the spell library. It's a humanoid. Humanoid, yeah. I can see within range, within 60 feet, so I'll move forward if I need to.

All right. You move a little bit forward just to feel safe about it. All right, you go ahead and cast Dominate Person. Oh boy. All right, you unleash the spell. Unfortunately, the brain is not humanoid. The essence of this creature is different, possibly fiendish. Fuck.

Ooh. Sorry. Oh, I thought humanoid meant it had a human, it had the shape of a human. That's not what that means. Missional. Good to know, okay, that's fine, that's fine. I'm going to run forward. All right.

And get like... Towards the sarcophagus, around it? Towards the sarcophagus within, if I have to jump up on it, I will, but I want to get 20 feet from that guy and I'm going to, as a bonus action, use my whip. It's an action to use. It's a bonus action.

Oh, I know. It's not a bonus, you can use it to grapple the target, but it's an action to use the thing. I understand. Great. I'm doing real good. It's okay, you still want to be on top of the Skopkas? Fuck it, yeah.

All right, you got it, Jester. Nott, you're up. I'm up. Yes. That was great. It was a good turn, you guys. Oh boy, I don't want him to talk. I don't want him to talk, because he's going to unleash whatever the thing is,

so we got to stop that. So he's going to defeat this, but I will break my invisibility and cast a spell at him, Tasha's Hideous Laughter. Tasha's Hideous Laughter, all righty. Take a little piece of tart out and a feather, and I sprinkle them to the ground, and I say to him,

Hey! What does a devil and a tree have in common? Intelligence! That's it. That's my joke. What's the DC? 15. Yeah, no effect. The joke does not land. Damn! He continues to read, unfazed, concentrated. Is it a tree?

No, just completely enraptured by the words that he's speaking, eyes wide, smile on the face, unfazed by your spell. I don't want to fight a worm. I don't want to fight a worm with a crown. I don't think we're going to fight the worm, we're going to fight whatever the worm's servant was. Is that your turn? I will move away from the sarcophagus as far think we're going to fight the worm. We're going to fight whatever the worm servant was. Is that your turn?

I will move away from the sarcophagus as far as possible and try to hide. Bonus action. I try to get at you. There is technically nowhere to hide. Nowhere to run to. Well, then I'll just crouch. You could move this way if you want to try and get behind the alcove, but that's up to you.

You're not invisible anymore? No, because I cast a spell. Goddamn it! No, I'll stay strong anymore. No, I'll stay there. So mad. I'll stay there. All righty. So Obann, the fiendish individual, continues to read.

Does anyone here speak Abyssal or understand? One of us does. Oh yeah, because you're now apparently a devil. And you used to work with this motherfucker. I need more answers, I didn't get to ask any questions! You're going to have to kill him. The phrase you hear this round is, by light or by blight,

the dark eternal shall not be confined, shall not be contained. That is the extent of the phrase you hear this turn. As he finishes that phrase, both of the golden sigils on each side of the sarcophagus begin to glow. The chains are beginning to rattle. That finishes, actually for his turn,

he's going to fly up a little higher. Get right up to the ceiling and is now right against the top, the wing that's You can see now the daylight spell brightening up. against the top, the wings. You can see now the daylight spell brightening up. The whole mural is encasing him. He looks like he's almost becoming part of it, the way the shadows are moving.

As the wings flap, you can see the arms reaching around and the screaming head of Torhag, the Crawling King, just still behind, framing him. So next up, we have Fjord. Fuck it, let's just get it. I'll go up to the top of the steps. 25, 30. I'll reach back to those dark thoughts from my dreams

and see a creature moving in the background. I'll point and make my eyes roll back and I'll say, and summon a greater demon right above them. Okay. You guys hot? Where do you want to throw it down? Right up in front of him so that he reaches out and goes and just grabs him right in the air.

Right there? Yeah. And I will tell him to crush him. Just squeeze and grapple him, crush him. Okay, let me go ahead and bring up the bulgaras. Set here. I like this Castlevania. Yeah. So he just busts through reality like a Kool-Aid man.

In open air. That's awesome. Okay. So you're doing, it has its it's bite and it's fist attacks. Are you just attempting to grapple? Is that what you're trying to do with it? Yeah. All right, so there's no damage.

Sure. But it makes three attacks, so you can attempt it three times. Go ahead and make one attack with the Barlgura. I should have looked up his stats, I'll do that in a second. I'll say you get, I'll allow two attacks, because he is falling from the ceiling.

I'll say it's time to get two attacks before he falls out of his range, since this creature cannot fly. That's a seven. Oh no, it swings wide, trying to bite, and while he's concentrating, darts out of the way, and Peripheral's paying attention to the assaults around it.

And 17. Total 17? Mm-hmm. Misses. All right, damn it. Ducks out of the way. Bulgura tumbles down to the ground. Impacts, it suffers

eight points of bludgeoning damage from the fall, cracking the stone on the ground, and then roars up towards it, its third attack going to waste. Yep. That finish your turn, Fjord? With my bonus action, I will cast Hexblade's Curse on our friend Obann, the single malt scotch.

Great, what's the range on Hexblade's Curse? I think it's 120 feet, let me double check. Hexblade's Curse. Nope, never 120 feet, let me double check. Yeah. Next leg's turn. Nope, never mind, I got to be within 30 feet. Yeah, you got a little bit closer for that, buddy. That's okay, we'll get there soon. Okay, so finishing Fjord's turn, Yasha, you're up, Beau and Caleb, you're on deck.

Okay, I am very, very angry, so I would like to rage. Sure enough. Yes. And I would like to get on top of the sarcophagus. You do. Step over, pushing past Jester. Okay. I can't reach him, can I? He's about 20 feet above you right now.

Or no, actually, he'd be about 30 feet above you, because it's 20 feet down and then 10 feet up. 15 feet up, so yeah, he's about 20. Fuck. 30 feet above you, yeah. Okay, I yell up at him in Abyssal, and I say, come down here so I can help you finish. Ooh!

Make a persuasion check. Or no, this would be a deception check. Deception? Deception. Damn it. Yasha's not good at lying? Nope. I'm terrible at it. Two. The speech that he's shouting outward

falters for a second and the eyes dart towards you and you hear a and he continues on to the next phrase, unfazed by your attempt to draw his attention. Okay. Shit. I can't reach him. I can't do anything. You hold your turn until you't reach him. I can't do anything.

You can hold your turn until you can reach him. Yeah, I'll hold my action until he gets within range, if he does. Okay, you got it. Beau and Caleb. I'm going to beat up to it. I'm backing away from the sarcophagus towards where Beau is.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Pulling out the cat mint bloom that I have, and I cast Cat's Eye, The bow is, fa fa fa fa fa, pulling out the catmint bloom that I have, and I cast Cat's Eye, and a small spectral Frumpkin appears just above his head up in the air for a split second, and giant hand above, and I'm going to use my action

to shove him down to the ground. Strength save. Okay. And I can push him 30 feet. Ooh, all righty. So appearing here above, to attempt to slam him downward, it's a strength save, you said? Strength save, yeah. You got it.

Force the Light. That is 21. Ugh. Saves. The hand slams, and while still reading, puts one hand up and shoves it off and it slams into the ground before recovering slightly. What does he have in his hand, like a stone? Somebody dare him to come to the ground, just dare him.

I dare you to come down here. Let's silence him. So there you go. I know. All right. I want to look at the silence spell. Beauregard? All right, I'm going to try some shit. I am going to take off running towards the Bulgara. Okay.

Bulgara? Bulgaria. Towards Bulgaria. Barlgura. Barlgura. Yeah, Barlgura. I'm going to, and as I run, I'm going to go and crash my lightning gloves together. All righty.

And I want to run. Can I parkour jump on top of Bulgara and jump and train lightning him? You can certainly try. Parkouring off the mountain. Excuse me, point of order, sorry. I was going, the hand has a strength of 26, so he goes down. What's the DC?

It's the strength, it's a contest. Well, you have to roll a strength check for the hand is how it works. Okay. And he rolled 21. Rolled a 21. Hit points, it drops, it has a strength of 26 plus eight, sorry, so.

Roll. 19. 19 still fails. But good call, yeah, so. Roll? 19. Still fails, but good call. Yeah, strength contest means you actually roll contestant, so good to know for future. That was close, that was very close. All right, so Beauregard, go ahead and make an acrobatics check to attempt to leap off the Barlgura.

Barlgura. Ooh, acrobatics? Yes. 16. 16, okay. So you run, leap right as it lands and cracks in the ground and winds up. You see that moment leap, smash the fists together, they charge with lightning, you land on its back and you feel it as it tries to reach up for you

instinctually, you use that to springboard up and you're about 10 feet below Ovaun, who's still reading off the tablet. I want to do a big barrel swing and go bam, bam, in the air. Go for it. Nice. Is this with the lightning? Yes, both attacks.

Okay, one is a 28. 28 hits. The other is 17. Misses. Okay. One goes wide, one does manage to send one blast of lightning energy out of your fist, smashing into his side. Okay, nine damage. Nine damage.

How do you want it? Ugh. The impact hits and lightning charges through. You see him take the impact and go to his teeth a bit, but he seems. Am I able to do a flurry of blows? Or is that extra? Is that super too much?

Just a couple of kicks as you're sitting. Yeah, I was going to say, as I'm falling, I try and shoot some kicks. Boom! I'll say roll one more acrobatics check. One more acrobatics check, and this is a DC of 25 to attempt to do this. You're basically having to land,

and while the Barlgora's trying to grab at you, you jump off his fist to try and get a second point of height, but. Okay, wait, what was it? 25. 22. 22. Your foot just slips off of it and you tumble off onto the ground.

You don't hurt yourself, but unfortunately, you're unable to make it into a flurry of blows. Okay. But you still got one hit off. Okay, okay. That finishes your go, Beauregard. Caduceus, you're up. Man, this is just a mess. I'm going to...

Yeah, I got nothing really particularly good right now, so I'm just going to put a... Do you want to put the ball in the bottom of the initiative, or somewhere random? Go ahead and roll your shift. Can you make him quiet? I'm going to put a Bless on Beau. I'm going to put a Bless on Yasha.

And I'm going to put a Bless on the Balrog. The Balgora? Balgora. All right, Bless there. And a Bless on Yasha, you said? Yeah. You got it? That's 11 for the Balrog. So you've got a d4 on your attacks and saves now. Oh, thank you.

What is it, a d4 on attacks? D4 on attacks and saves. You guys both got eight for your initiative, was it? Eight. Eight. Yeah, kind of. Until I get hit real hard. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to back up a little bit up the stairs and try and get some vantage. Humans. Four, two, three. Four further? Yeah, that's about right, yeah. Right there? Okay. That finishes your go.

Top of the round. Jester, it's your turn. Oh boy, decision time. Decision time, pressure, sweat. Be smart. You got this, baby. What are you trying to do? Well, my choices are

blindness, deafness. Seems good. Or I can try to whip him down and bring him down with us. I feel like he might have resistance or a save. I know, but he's also hard to hit. Whip just has to hit. He's been rolling an advantage.

I know. Spell saves. I think grapple doesn't mean he would necessarily drop his shit, though. It's an automatic pull, I think, according to the spell. She hits. I'm going to try to whip and grab the tablet.

Yeah! Okay. Oh shit. That's even harder to hit, because it's a specific thing in his hand, it's not just him. But you can attempt to. She's close. He's within range, just at the cusp of your range.

So you can try and hit him, or go for the tablet. The tablet pulls the tablet out of his hand, but it technically would be considered three quarters cover. Because Yasha's still holding and you're right next to each other. Okay, yeah. I'll just aim for him then, I'll just aim for him.

Okay, make an attack roll. So it's just D20 plus your strength modifier. Are you proficient with whips? Simple weapons. So it's D20 plus your strength modifier. Are you proficient with whips? Simple weapons? A whip is a simple weapon. If she grew up in a harem, does that count? Not a harem. It's not a harem.

No, I'm sorry, it's my lack of vocabulary. But yes, my mom probably is a whore. The whip is a martial melee weapon. Oh, okay. It's not considered a simple weapon. Shit. That is what you have proficiently? Doesn't matter. It's, fucks.

I can't. Efficiencies. Yeah, so you don't get to add your proficiency bonus. You do get to add your strength on a fire. Come on. Come on, strunk girl. Jester's having her Cardi B moment. Mm-hmm.

Must be the new whip that got worn out. Ding dong! And the, that new whip got warded. Ding dong! And a new crit for my daughter. I fail. Aw. Three. Three. No.

It cracks loudly and echoes through the chamber, but unfortunately does not find purchase on your target. Fine. Just love your bonus action. Yeah, for my bonus action, I'm going to cast Spiritual Weapon. Yeah, for my bonus action, I'm going to cast Spiritual Weapon. Okay, what level?

Let me see. Third level. No, fourth level. Fourth level. All righty. Oh, am I, yeah. Putting it up with him there? No, I'm going to cast it at second level. Okay.

Up by Obann? Yeah, and. Putting it up with him there? No, I'm going to cast it at second level. Okay. Up by Obann? Yeah, and just try to smack him down! Go for it, make a spell attack roll. We got a lollipop, a cat's paw, and a giant baristro. That definitely hits. Baristro. Yeah, that definitely hits, go ahead and roll damage. 11.

11 points of roll damage. I'll play over a seven. 11. You woke a frappuccino. 11 points of radiant damage. It slams in the shoulder and you see him duck the wings, falter for a second. He gets back up to his space, rights his face and just keeps reading, but took a hit out of him. You finish your turn.

Nott, you're up. I'm going to try something that will also fail, but we got to stop him from reading this thing. Yes. I step forward just a little, so I'm going to try something that will also fail, but we got to stop him from reading this thing. Yes. I step forward just a little, so I'm within 60 feet. I will cast Phantasmal Force at him. Phantasmal Force.

Yes. Oh wow, all righty. Intelligence save this time. Maybe it won't be at advantage. 15. 20. Goddamn it, did you roll with advantage? I guess I won't know that.

Shot-famed him. Ball sack. So the effect releases and you watch as the effect of the arcane sparkle attempts to penetrate the side of his face, then it just dissipates off. Like water dripping off the side of a waterfall. All right, I'll use movement and bonus

to get behind the stairs. Yeah, can I use my movement to get off the sarcophagus? Five, six. You can get there with your move. That's fine. Okay. You're going to get off the sarcophagus? Okay. How far are you going to move and which direction?

Back. Back this way? Yeah. All right. 20, 25, right there. You got it. That finishes your turn. Obann continues reading in Abyssal. You recognize the language.

The phrase he says is, The bonds of the clean wither, with flame expended. Chains to chains, to be bound is to break free. Fulfill thy destined path and awaken. The tablet flashes. The chains shatter off and the lid explodes upward. You need to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw for me, Yasha.

Good boy. Add a d4. You have to add a d4 because you're blessed. Well. Okay. Hashtag fuck. Add a d4. You have to add a d4 because you're blessed. Well. Okay. Hashtag fuck! Maybe he is friendly. Ancient, buried, god damn.

Sorry. I feel like we failed. We totally failed. I should have just rolled all over the place. Be fair, he was rolling really well on some of those two. We were throwing everything at him. You guys had some solid plans there. It was just the dice that happens, I'm sorry.

We do not do well in tournaments. 23. 23. Historically. Historically. You managed to just barely make it out of the way and catch yourself on the ground as the stone lid flies up and slams into the mural. Obann barely dodges out of the way.

Actually, I should roll a saving throw for him, too. Oh my god. One. Fail! my god. One. Fail! Thank god. A lid hits him? Yeah. A lid hits him. But we fucking couldn't?

He gets hit by the cork from the champagne bottle. Takes eight points of bludgeoning damage. More people die from that than lightning strikes every year. That's not true. No. As the lid slams into Obann, the tablet stumbles out of his hand, manages to re-catch himself there in the air.

Goddamn it. Oh no, it's a giant! What in the vile! There's a brief moment of quiet as you see mist pouring out of the inside. A large, meaty, pale hand grasps the side. We're going to take a break.

No! We're going to take a break! We can't do this! We're about to go into probably a longer second battle. This is a beat where we can- It's going to be a master debate! We'll come back with whatever this thing is.

We're going to be fighting all night. Let's just do it that way. We'll all simultaneously master debate each other. This is a battleground that lasted three weeks. I love it, I like it. You haven't done a good dungeon call in a while. This is an elaborate one, guys. I hope you're having fun.

It hurts. We'll be back here shortly to pick up with this moment of combat. In the meantime, we do have our giveaway tonight. We have the rock maple wood from our friends at Wyrmwood made this dice vault. This is the Mountain Dwarf, so you can see the actual runes on the front.

This is for keeping the dice in, it's magnetic. It's awesome, and one of you lucky folks will win this. It's super cool. It has a granite inlay, which is fun. Tonight's keyword is mirror. M-I-R-R-O-R. So enter the word mirror once. More than once, you'll be disqualified. Into our chat, for folks in the U.S. and Canada, excluding Quebec, you have the chance to win this. When we return from our break, we'll see you here shortly. 69.

Why, hello there. This is Critical Role's resident art dad, also known as Liam O'Brien. We are continuously amazed at the artwork this community creates. That's why each Thursday at 8 a.m. Pacific, we share a curated gallery of submitted fan art over on

critrole.com. If you'd like to submit your art for consideration, visit critroll.com slash submit. And thank you to all of the incredible artists who share their talents with us week after week. And welcome back. So, before we get into the next leg of this combat, we have our winner of our Wyrmwood giveaway

who gets the Dice Vault, the Dwarven Dice Vault. The winner is Default Prophet. Default Prophet. Default Prophet, congratulations. We'll have that sent to you ASAP. Now. I've always wanted to do that. So, to be back in where we were.

So, as the lid of the sarcophagus flies into the ceiling, shatters in a cloud of dust and stone, We're talking where we were. So, as the lid of the sarcophagus flies into the ceiling, shatters in a cloud of dust and stone, he watches a giant, pale, meaty hand grabs the edge, the mist parts. As you see a hood and cloak, deep brown and oily black,

stained in places, rise out of it, standing to a full 10 feet in height, the cloak obfuscating much of the torso, dangling just past the forearm area, where you see the one large hand lifting itself up. You see, just beneath the hood, a bit of a sagging open jaw, sharp, broken teeth, the skin itself pale, dirty,

and weirdly twisted to look like some horrifying mockery of a human face with just the bit you can see. You see red, stained leather that goes across the body and legs, heavy boots as it steps out. The right hand is missing below the forearm, and where the hand would be, you see

a long, double-sided blade. That's a problem. Affixed and built into its arm. Oh shit. Damn it, oh god. Oh, let's see, let's see. Oh! What the fuck?

That thing is huge! Are you nuts? So big! It's a nightmare thing. That is entirely too big. You should see it from this side. It's awful. I turn and spin around and look at the end. He emerges and says,

Hey, go walk over the tree! He does a slow 360 so you can get a good hold. He shows off his roll. He walks to the edge of the walkway and pivots and turns. At least he's fabulous. It's like a hero. Damn, I look good in gay tan. I had my beauty rest.

As it emerges, Obann shouts, Yes, child! Come, join us. Please eat, Obann. And the yes, child! Come, join us. Please eat, Obann. And the creature just quietly hooks up. Ozzy has borne that shit, yes! It looks angry, but also weirdly grinning. Ugh.

All right, that finishes Obann's action. Obann is going to go ahead and shift out of the space and fly over Well, who are we going to first? Over up above here, your... Spiritual Weapon remains right there. That's going to finish his turn. It is now the Laughing Hand's turn. He's made of cheese, like the Laughing Cow.

No. No, not quite. Oh, Jesus. You abandoned it so fast. Very well. Guys, this is the kind of fight that characters die in. Yeah, no, we know. It looks, it kind of seems to,

you don't see the eyes, you just see the hood hanging in front of the face, the grin across its weird, sallow jaw. As it spans across, it raises its other hand, and you hear this high-pitched whistle sound as it purses its lips together. What? As it raises its hand, you watch elements of shadow begin to shift.

You watch as hound-like bodies emerge from the nearby unlit corners. No. What? This is a bad. This is a bad. This is bad. This is a bad. No. Oh boy.

Oh god. And he turned on the dance floor. What's up? This is a bad. Oh fuck me. Oh god, oh god. What was that Caduceus life in the past? We're running, it's bad. If we're running, it's bad.

We might have to run. We do need to figure something out. The Laughing Hand turns. No. Let's see. Let's see who it turns to first. He's looking at me. Yep.

He's going to step forward. No. Nott, Jester! Nice. Is he looking at me? Yep. He's going to step forward. Oh no! Nott, Jester! Loom forward. Already uses action to summon the Shadowhounds. Why is it always you, dude? But it looms up towards you,

and just undersbreads you here. Yeah. The Shadowhounds go. He likes jokes. He's a happy guy. This one's going to rush up to Caleb. The Shadowhounds, both of those on Yasha are going to have advantage in their attacks with Pack Tactics.

Fuck. Pack Tactics? The first one, that's going to be a 24 to hit. That doesn't hit. Second one, that is a 14 to hit. That doesn't hit. Second one, that is a 14 to hit. That does not hit. So the second bite, you manage to hold it back with your hand and grab the snout. You can see its burning red eyes, smoke and black

shadow energy drifting off of its body, this faint, dull purplish glow on the inside of its torso, just slightly lighting it from underneath. As you push back the one snout and it barking and snarling at you, the other one leaps on and grabs onto your shoulder. You take... Pardon me, d4s are hard to pick up.

You take eight points of piercing damage reduced to four. Okay. I need you to make a strength saving throw for me, which you have advantage on because you are raging. Plus a d4. Saving throw, you said? Yes, and you can add a d4 to that. Oh shit, those are nice guys.

24. 24, okay, yeah. It tries to wrestle you to the ground, and you pull out of its jaws and ready yourself, both of them now snarling and getting low, getting ready to pounce in your direction. I choked my teeth and I snarled back. Good, good.

That finishes now Fjord, it's your go. You can see the entity is now walking across the center way towards Jester. Its large, bladed arm, probably close to six to eight feet in length from where the blade begins to tip, rearing back as it approaches. What are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a while. I will come down two steps so that I can see, do we have a name for this grim reaper-looking motherfucker? The Laughing Hand. Yeah, sure. So I can see LH, and I will fire two blasts of Eldritch Blast into the side of its head,

trying to get its attention. Okay. 16 to hit. 16. Manages to hit the cloak and burn part of it, but it doesn't actually impact the entity. And the second one is a 21. 21 does hit, go ahead and roll damage.

21 hits, so everybody hear that, okay, good deal. And that's nine plus five, 14 points of force damage. 14 points of force damage, it impacts the side of it, it barely moves it, this thing's like a brick of muscle. A brick of muscle with my- It impacts and you see it just slightly shift from the blow. You still have your bonus action and your movement.

Am I 30 feet from the winged devil person-ish? You probably have to move a little closer to get there. He's currently at this point, about 15 feet off the top there. You're on the cusp. You might want to move a little closer to get there, but you can't. Yeah, I'll move up a little bit just to get closer,

and I'll cast Hexblade's Curse, summoning shadows to. On which one, on Obann or the Laughing Hand? Obann. Obann. Hexblade's Curse is on the edge. The Magical Flying Dick is a problem. I came in for the last sentence, and it was a winner.

That's a winner. The Magical Flying Dick is a problem. All right. That finishes your turn, Fjord? Yes, it does. Yasha, you're winner. The magical flying dick is a problem. All right, that finishes your turn, Fjord? Yes, it does. Yasha, you're up. The Barlgura on deck. I think he forms on every attack.

Okay. That's right, he can't die. That's why he's in a tomb. I don't think he can be killed. No. Who? This guy. The deathless detained?

The one who can't be killed. Yeah, what was the? The Lion of the King's instrument. Deathless and detained until the world ends. He's just detained. Oh, well, we'll just end the world. We can put him back in the box. Silas was deathless. The box is fucking gone.

He broke it open. The box is gone, brah. Yeah? The box is fucking gone. You broke it open. The box is gone, brah. Yeah? The box is gone. My gosh, what are you doing? Okay. Say hi to the Crawling King for me. I'm going to make my way over to him. Okay.

Knowing I'll get some two attacks of opportunity. You're up there, or you want to try and flank against him? I want to flank. Okay, both of them get an attack of opportunity. You're up there, or you want to try and flank against? I want to flank. Okay, both of them get an attack of opportunity against you. Yep, since you move out of the space for both of them, they do get a pack of tactics on you once more. That's cocked. That is a 14.

That misses, I think, yeah, 15's your AC. Next one is a 14. That misses, I think, yeah, 15's your AC. Next one is a 22. All right, so the second strike does bite at you. You suffer seven points of piercing damage reduced to three, and you just push out of the way, pushing around the candelabra, rushing up and flanking the Laughing Hand. What do you do? Okay.

You're reckless if you want to. You don't have to at the moment, because you are technically flanking the Laughing Hand. What do you do? Okay. You're reckless if you want to. You don't have to at the moment because you are technically flanking the Jester, so you get advantage on the attack. Keep that in mind for future rounds in which you don't have that advantage. Fuck, do I take out Magician's Judge? Is he magical?

Fuck, sorry, sorry, sorry. Which weapon, Skin Gorger or Magician's Judge? I'm going to take out the skin gorger. Okay. So as opposed to the refined blade of magician's judge, you pull out the like, arced, rusted, jagged, just front, massive, dual-handed blade of the skin gorger. Pyramid head shit. Very pyramid head-like, actually.

Okay. Ooh. Okay, that was a natural 19. That's eight, 12, seven. Yeah, that hits. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Roll damage against Tim.

It's your first strike, so you get full round. All right. Six, six, six. Oh, sorry, Divine Fury. I get to roll again. I was grabbing it. I was like going around the table, fucking side-traveling.

14 points of damage. 14 points of damage? Nice. All right. Carve through a big chunk across its shoulder. You see part of the cloak separate where the wound cuts through, and you can see the flesh lightly bleeding beneath your second attack. Yeah.

Natural 19 again. Woo! Yeah! Do I get advantage again? That was advantage for the second try. I mean, just to see if I get a 20, yeah. Okay, so that hits, so. Second one is just the 2d6 plus your strength. I'm sorry, I didn't add,

it's an extra three to that first attack, so 17. You got 17 on the first one, and this one is how much damage? Okay, six. I'm going to try Savage Attacker, see if I can get it higher. Okay. 12 points for the second hit.

12 points, nice. You carve, this one carves it back in the back of its hand. It tries to pull back after the first blow to reach out, and your blade just cuts across the forearm. You can see the one carves it back into the back of its hand, it tries to pull back after the first blow to reach out and your blade just cuts across the forearm. You can see the large slit where it leaves it. That finishes your turn. You still have a bonus action. You have a Zerglings to do with it.

I'm going to stay. Okay, finishes Yasha's go. It's the Barlgura's turn. The Barlgura will rush up to the back of the Laughing Hand. Call him Karl Urban. will rush up to the back of the Laughing Hand. Call him Carl Urban. And it will use both of, well, if it has three attacks,

I guess I'll just try and grapple it again with the Laughing Hand, not actually attack it, but try and keep it. Grapple it in place? Yeah. Got it, go ahead and roll an attack. The Barrel Grower has reckless attacks. Do you need help? Naturally, if you'll check me. Which says? It says at the start of its turn,

the Barlgura can gain advantage on melee weapon attacks rolls it makes during that turn, but attack rolls against it have advantage until it's turned. Yeah, so it does the Reckless feature that Barbara wants to do. You still have that d4. And as far as grappling. Good call on that shit.

So instead of an attack roll, it's a strength contested. So roll a strength check. Okay. It's contested against the left-handed. That is an 18 plus four is a 22, with a Bless of 26 total. 26 rolled 24. It is grappled. Oh wow, that's good. Oh yes.

So the Marlboro comes up behind and goes and just clasps its arms together. That makes like a blister. Okay, that's his first attack. And can he fucking bite into the back of its neck? Go for it. Plus seven to hit, that's a 26 to hit. 26 to hit hits, yeah, good roll damage.

2d6 plus four. So we're focusing on the big undead guy? 10 points of piercing damage. 10 points of piercing damage. No, I'm just trying to keep him from fucking cutting Jester in half with that goddamn arm scythe. It bites in the side of its throat,

through the cloth, piercing it, and digging into the side of its shoulder, through the cloth, piercing it, and digging into the side of its shoulder. It rummages a bit, but it makes very little noise other than the low chuckling. And that has three attacks? It does have three. Yeah, so roll another three. The grapple didn't count as two?

Well, the grapple is, you use one attack to try and grapple. Great, I'll do another, just a fucking other bite attack. That is plus seven, so that's 25. 25 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage. Two, three, six. Five.

Oh, that's it, six. Six points of piercing damage. Six points of piercing damage, you got it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Nine points of piercing damage. Okay, so it bites him a second time. It's digging and tearing into this hulking beast versus hulking creature.

That finishes its go. That brings us to Beau and Caleb. Beau, you're up first, unless you want to hold for Caleb's action. Whichever. I went first the last time, but it doesn't matter to me, because I don't know what to do. I'll go then.

Okay, I'm going to try and pull some shit like I did before. Can I? Wait, one, two, three. Yeah, can I try and run some shit like I did before. Can I? Wait, one, two, three. Yeah, can I try and run up these steps, run up to these guys, run, and... Make an acrobatics check. Oh fuck, let's go!

Just leap, far-forward jump off one shoulder on the second one. Okay, 21. 21. You run, jump. Hell yeah. And land right about there. Do a spinning roundhouse kick and shoot lightning at this guy in the face. Okay.

He's just within your 20-foot range up there. Okay, first two attacks. Those are both natural 17s, so 27. Yeah, both hit. You got to do that gymnast thing on the railing. The hands. So the legs are out. Eight damage for the first, and then Stunning Strike. All righty.

Not shit. That is a 17. Fucking saves from it, second one. Second one. 10 damage. All right. And Stunning Strike again. This costume thing?

Yeah, it's like this. 14. My key save is 15. 15, all right. Watch out. He stunned? Yep, he stunned. Wait.

Wait, were you stunting the big guy or the? The big guy or the flyer? No, Obann. Oh, okay. Does that mean he falls or does he keep falling? I don't know. I was hoping it would mean he would fall, but I don't know.

It capacity means it can't take actions. Advantage. Or reactions, so it can still maintain itself. He's just, he can't move. It doesn't say his speed becomes zero, so he doesn't fall. He's just got. No, I speak falteringly, so he's like. Super fucking cool if I would've thought to do that

when I first hit him. Is that your bonus action? Bonus action, I'm going to turn around and Flurry of Blows the hand. You got it, spinning around. As a note, too, each of these lightning blasts that hit Obann, they're impacting, but the lightning isn't doing just as much damage as you're used to.

I was afraid of that. I was afraid of that, too. Okay. You fought a few fiends in the past that seemed to have an inherent resistance against lightning. Okay. Balls, yes. The first one is 26. That hits.

Stunning Strike. How much damage is that, though? Sorry, eight damage. Eight damage, you got it. And then Stunning Strike again. That is a 20, no, sorry, 19. Yeah, yeah, no. And the second one was 14 to hit.

14 to hit? That does not hit, unfortunately. Is that with the d4? No, it was not. Good call. 17. 17. 17 did not hit. Oh, well. Didn't know.

The lightning arcs off for this time, and to him as well, the lightning is impacting and shocking you through, but still seems to be not taking the full brunt that you're used to with this type of lightning damage. That's what led me to let that grapple happen. Yeah. All right, that finishes your turn, Beau?

Yeah. All right, that brings us to Caleb. Okay, with one hand that is the bare one, I extend a hand out and Cat's eye flies through the air towards Obann. How far can it be? 60 feet. 60 feet. I'm going to swat him down to the ground

next to Beauregard. Okay. Push, so strength contest. Damn it. He has to roll a strength? Yeah, I mean, does he have any kind of yield on me? He's still resisted, he just can't take actions or reactions. Just a 16, I rolled low again. Okay, and attacks against him have advantage,

it's part of the stun feature, but this is an attack against him. Right. So what'd you say? I rolled a 16. 16, 16 as well, so he saves. Oh, and then the other hand, which has got the glove on it, I just unload right in the dog's face. Let me check on the contested, just to double check.

That'd be nice. That would make sense. Do I have to hit with both Flurry of Blows for extract aspects, or just one? Just one. Just one? Can I get extract aspects on what's his butt? On the Laughing Hand?

Yes. Yeah, okay. So from the impact of the lightning and seeing the reaction, you focus on what little bits of its flesh you can see. You know that it is resistant to cold, fire, and lightning. Cold, fire, and lightning. As well as bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing

from non-magical attacks. Cold, fire, lightning. Yes. Coming to our discussion here, give me just a second. Yes. Coldfire lightning. Yes. Coming to our discussion here, give me just a second. Goldbound. He's not medium, is he? No, he's large. Large. Obann's large.

Obann is medium. Actually, no, Obann, sorry, this is Obann. Obann is medium. Then I have advantage, so I can roll again. Roll again. Yeah! That's way better, that's 23. Hey!

You're a wizard. So right down next to Beauregard, I'm going to... Slams him into the ground. He is now currently grounded for the moment. Stunned and cursed by the Hexblade's Curse. And I'm unloading Scorching Ray into the Hun's face. So that's three attack rolls. I shout out to everybody

about the Coldfire Lightning situation. You can do that when it comes to your turn. Okay, I do that when it comes to my turn. Shout out. Just want to give a shout out to this animal. Unless you want to use your reaction to shout it, it's up to you. Unless you're ready to get sent to the Sandwell.

So I'm going to wait. Okay. So what was that? 15 for the first of the three Scorching Rays. The dog that's right in front of you. Oh, got you. Because it was a bonus action to show what cats are. So 15 for the first. Wait, this is a ranged attack?

This is, yeah, Scorching Ray. Yeah, so you have disadvantage in the attack rolls. Okay, so the next roll was higher. Okay. Still hits. Okay, still hits. Okay. Second Scorching Ray, ooh, 11. 11 is not hit.

Third Scorching Ray is a 16. 16 hits, so damage two of the Scorching Rays against the creature. On nine, 14, 20 points of fire damage to the hound. You've got it, so two of them impact, the fire burns across. It seems to burn and take damage, but not as much as you'd expect.

Oh fuck, fire. Cold fire. Nice bad. And I'm going to run off the stairs. Okay. It's going to be like that across the board, or anything like that. It takes an attack of opportunity on you. Yeah.

That is a 16 to hit. Shield. Shield. Reaction, shield is up. It does not bite you and drag you to the ground. You keep running at five, 15, 20, 25, 30. That's as high as you can get there. That finish your turn? Well done. You got it, all right.

Finishing that round, that brings us to Caduceus. I got a plan. You do? Please. I got a tenth of a plan. I got a tenth of a plan. I've got this much of a plan. I've got this much of a plan. I'm going to run up right next to Obann over down that just got knocked down on the ground. 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.

I'm going to whack him. Do it, do it. With the staff? You have advantage on the attack. I'm whacking him with my staff. Special staff. Wienerwack, let's go! Yeah, what is the, what does she say there? Yeah. Oh, it's special staff.

It is. All right. It's not going to sit. Here comes old man Gnusus. 16? 16 does not hit. Oh my god, you're fucking kidding me. With a blast or something? Are you blessed? I am not blessed.

He did not bless himself, unfortunately. You rolled with advantage. I rolled with advantage, but I rolled really shindily. You swing, you manage to impact the side of the wing, but it just glides off, no actual impact. How much of my movement did I use there? All of it. All of my movement to get there? 30 feet to get there, yeah.

I am right next to Beau, though, right? I can allow it so that you were right next to Beau. Yeah, that was my plan. Okay. As a bonus action, I'm going to cast Holy Weapon. Holy We plan. Okay. As a bonus action, I'm going to cast Holy Weapon. Holy Weapon. Okay. Tap. Ooh, she ordered a Holy Weapon.

Oh, that's great. Super Saiyan. Hell yeah. You now have 2d8. Also, you are a 30-foot radius light source now. Yes! And you have an extra 2d radiant damage on every hit. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So that is your melee hits. I don't think that adds to your ranged bit, because the lightning is what shoots out. The holy, you have to actually physically hit them to do it. Okay, crop it out. Got to get dirty, dirty. Finish your turn.

That's an action, a movement, and a bonus action. You got it. All right. Top of the round. Jester. This is it. So at the start of your- Don't say this is it. Don't do that to me. At the start of your turn, Jester.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. The creature is chuckling. There's all the wounds it took, the slashing and piercing wounds that you can see vaguely through the parts of its cloak that got cut. Laura?

You watch as the giant gash in its arm grow teeth and begin to start laughing. The piercing wounds in its neck turn into little mouths and start laughing. That's disgusting. The wall of every wound that's visible becomes a small mouth, and suddenly, there's just a cacophony of high and low-pitched laughs.

All around, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. When he puts his hands through his mouth, it's never good. It's true. You're pretty good at wisdom saving throws. No, that one failed me before. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 25.

Okay. The laughter begins to cause your adrenaline to spike and your fight and flight kicks in and you just shrug it off and you're fine. What's your turn? Whoa. How is it? Freaking out.

Freaking out. I'm going to cast Mirror Image. Cast Mirror Image, okay. Yeah. On yourself. Yeah. You are now Mirror Imaged. Ooh, you have one for it? That's cool. You have a circle

of Mirror Image. Yeah. Oh god. Just put so many fine things. You have a circle of rare image. Yeah. Oh god. Let's just put so many fine things. Too many tings. I remember he grappled with them. So many tings. I'll put it there. Just a reminder.

Okay, oh, he's grappled still. Yeah. He is, yeah. I'm going to cry. You got this. I don't know. I'm going to, as my bonus action, it's probably not going to reach. I'm going to try to get my spiritual weapon

to come down at it, but it's. Okay, how far can it move? 20 feet. It's 20, it would have not going to reach. I'm going to try to get my spiritual weapon to come down at it, but it's 20 feet. It's 20, it would have been 30 feet in the air, so it doesn't quite get there, but you bring it down, we'll say about, we'll say about there. Is about as far as it can get to reach the ground. You get it there. Okay, and I'm going to send my mirror images, like, scatter, and I'm going to send my mirror images scatter,

and I'm going to try to dodge underneath his legs and run towards the forward side of the room while my mirror images go. 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. You get over to that side there. Not next to the dog. I'll tell you, you cross across and leap up onto that first step,

just dodging the dog space. It does get an attack of opportunity against you. Okay. I roll. He's of opportunity against you. Okay. So I roll. He's grappled, right? Yeah. He's going to go ahead and attempt to strike you with the blade arm. Does the grapple affect that at all?

No, grapple just makes his speed zero. Okay. Probably not. Yeah, he does not hit me. It hits one of my duplicates instead. Okay, so one of your duplicates disperses the blade arm, slams into the ground, the stone breaks underneath the tip of it, and one of your shadowy images vanishes. What did he roll for hit?

27. Yeah, he's out of the tip. All right, that finishes your turn, Jester. Yeah, I guess. Boy, I don't know who I'm supposed to focus fire on here. Oh boy, I don't think we can kill that thing, so I'm going to step up the stairs a little and try to get a clear shot around the cat's paw somewhere.

I'll move if I have to. Okay, I'll allow it. The cat's paw is kind of shimmery, translucent. Slammed it down on the ground. I will shoot Obann. Okay, you have advantage in the attack roll because he is stunned. 13 plus 10 is 23.

That definitely hits. A sneak attack. Not great. That's terrible. Okay. 25 plus six is 31. I'll add Fury of the Small to that. So that's 40, right?

I said 31 before? Yeah. 40. 40 points of damage. Slick. Slick! As Obann's held in place, trying to shake it out, after being slammed to the ground, it takes the bolt. Yeah, that hurt? I'll fire again. Okay.

With advantage on this, because he's still stunned. Oh, still. On everything. Okay, 27 to hit. That hits. Four plus six, 10 more points of damage. 10 points of damage, nice, all right. And then if I have any more movement,

I will duck back into my little hiding nook. You can do that. Ah! And take a swig of booze. Okay, you got it. Yeah, you're not stealthed, though, because you used your bonus action to attack. Sure, but you know, you never know.

That's true. Maybe they'll forget about me. Maybe. All right, that finishes your turn, Nott. It is now Obann's turn. He is stunned, he can take no actions. Can't move. That's the best thing. This is the absolute best thing ever. Yeah, it's great.

I need to use it more often against you guys. Yeah. All righty, that finishes Obann's turn. Until the end of Beau's turn, he's still stunned. It is now the Laughing Hand's turn. The Laughing Hand grappled. It's going to turn around angrily. Oh yeah.

And unload into the Barlgura. Yeah. I didn't realize the Laughing Hand had hands that laughed. Well, it has wounds that begin to laugh. There's a laughing road down the alley. It's this horrible screeching, multiple voices of different pitches laughing around

as you see the wounds opening and chuckling as they chuckle. Ew. All right, gross. That's going to be a 19 to hit. That hits. All right. The giant blade arm just slams into the Barlgura. It suffers 18 points of slashing damage. Okay.

It's going to attack a second time with its blade arm. Oh, damn it. So that's a 29. Hits. Takes 23 points of slashing damage. Fuck. It's going to slam with its offhand. Jesus. That's going of slashing damage. Fuck. And it's going to go ahead and slam with its off hand. That's going to be an 18 to hit.

That hits. That hits. All right. Takes 12 points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. And that's his turn. That's pretty good. All righty. How many points of damage did he cause total?

53. Yeah, that's almost a murderer round. The big one. Yeah. It's a power murder round. Fjord, it's your turn. You can hear the laughter coming from it. It's not fun. What are you doing?

It's not cool, huh? Okay, I'm going to go up the stairs around the giant Garfield hand. Actually, I'm going to go around the backside. Mondays. I will take two swipes at Obann. Go for it. Give advantage and get some attacks.

I have advantage, excellent. First one is a 24 to hit. That hits, go ahead and roll damage. Great, great, great, great, great. I feel like I'm going to throw up right now. I know, I'm literally breaking out right now. I have two pimples that just popped up. That's 16 points of slashing damage.

16 points, nice, all ready. Second one. What is this? Oh, that's cocked. You're going to die. That's a 25 to hit. this? Oh, that's cocked. You're going to die. That's a 25 to hit. 25 to hit, that hits, yeah. Ooh, nice, and 18 points of slashing damage.

Slick. He's looking hurt. Great. He's looking hurt. Both strikes slam through. The shadow emanating from the blade, from the Hexblade's Curse, each impact hits the body. You can see the shadow digging into the wound, forcing the extra damage. That's your move and your action.

Oh, that's it. All right, that finishes your turn. Yasha, you're up. Come on, Yasha. Okay, okay, okay. You know how this, like, kaiju battle happening next to you is the Barlgura and the Laughing Hand

are just slamming into each other with attacks. What are you going to do? Okay, I am going to take an attack on the Laughing Hand. Go for it. Actually, at the beginning of your turn, as the burbling laughter coming from its wounds begins to fill your mind, I need you to make

a wisdom saving throw. Got this. A wisdom saving throw? Correct. Hey, buddy. You do get a plus d4 to it because you are blessed. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Uh-uh. 19.

19? Yeah. Yeah, you succeed. You resist them trying to push their way into your mind. You are still good to go. So go ahead and take your attacks against them if you'd like. Why not? Okay. Ah!

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. That is a 24. 24 hits or 24 damage? 24 to hit. To hit? That hits, go ahead and roll damage. Yay! I'm so stressed, I'm so stressed.

Let me figure out my dice, okay. The barb rolls on deck. Okay. We're trying to slam him down, be an action. Like knock him prone? Knock him prone? That would be an attack, try again. One of three that he has?

Yeah. Okay. 21 on the first hit. 21 damage, nice. Nice, Yasha. And I will hit him again. Even though he's not going to die. Yeah, okay. Wait, am I forgetting something?

No, no, just seeing if you're raging. F his ass. 16. 16 does not add a d4 to that. Let me see if I can add a d4. 17. 16 does not have a d4. Damn it. Sorry.

Oh no, no, no! My friend out this way. Yeah, you got to run too. Yasha, we got to get out of here. Oh, we got to get out of here? Okay, okay, I'm going to start, I'm going to try to disengage, start running. I'm just going to start, I'm going to start running away. Two, three, four, five. You can get that far. You can't get,

you can't get up there because Jester is in the way. That's okay, that's okay. Does it get an attack of opportunity on you? No, it took its attack of opportunity, didn't it? On Jester's clone. It did! It did, but then it's had its turn since then. It did. Oh, it did.

Yeah, so it gets its reaction back. That is a 15, that's exactly your armor class. That's a bad roll for him. All right. That's a bad roll for him. As you're rushing, the blade strikes you in the back between the shoulders and it penetrates about three or four inches right near your spine.

You hear it creep against your skin. That is 20 points of slashing damage reduced to 10. That's nothing, she's raging, it's fine. You got to get the fuck out of here. That is way too much. Yeah, that finishes your turn, Yasha? That's 10 points of damage. To Yasha. To her.

All right. To us. Barlgura's turn. Yeah. Kill him! The Barlgura got fucked up by the Laughing Ham last time, and in a last-ditch effort, we'll try to pick up the Laughing Ham and slam him down onto the floor. I like the name Laughing Ham. Laughing Ham. Laughing Ham.

Laughing Ham. All right, so contested strength check. Okay, advantage going reckless for any of you. Little honey-baked ham. Wrapping it up. Sweet little salt. All right, so contested strength check. Okay, advantage going reckless for any of you. Little honey-baked ham. Sweet little salt. 22. 22, that succeeds.

Okay. Noxen prone. Good job. Yeah! And keeping the grapple on top of him, he'll bite down twice with his other two attacks. You've got it. We just keep covering him in cuts and then he just turns into a... Natural 20.

Yay! Okay, we're at... One giant. One big toothy. Mal, he's got nothing to stand on at that point. That's right, and he can develop gingivitis. Oh yeah, like the first, his feet. Cavities. Yeah, slowly die of gum disease.

Chains, his floss, and the round. 24 on the first one, I'll write it down and can tell you later. And on the second one. Can he stand on? How much damage does that? 24. On the first roll.

And just hold his mouth closed. And the second one, is it a 19 to hit? 19 does hit? Does hit. I don't know, there might be something to it. 14 points of piercing damage. All right, you got it as As it's slamming into it, with each bite you watch as it pulls away,

the wounds open up into more laughing, tiny maws across its body. The laughter getting louder and louder and more intense with each strike. Also, the damage the bulgur's been doing to it, not as much as you'd think. It's actually magical. Yeah, but he's a giant Kvilla.

He is, and he's doing great. That finishes his turn. Yeah, but he's a giant gorilla. He is, and he's doing great. That finishes his turn. Beau, you're up. The humans are flip-flopping. I'm just going to move along that railing. I will say, just because it deals with the stun at the end of her turn. Okay, leave it in place for this time,

because I went first initially before that turn. Because it didn't matter so much, because she's a higher dexterity. She goes first. Should I roll again and check at the start of my turn? You were not close enough. No, the Barlgura. Oh, the Barlgura? Yes, actually.

Please do that for me. Carl Urban. Is it a wisdom save or a wisdom check? Wisdom save. Added a d4. Okay. 12, 15, that's an eight, 15. I have no idea what the monster's called, by the way.

17. 17, yeah, it was fine. So you don't have to reverse the whole turn's called, by the way. 17. 17, yeah. It was fine. So you don't have to reverse the whole turn. Yeah, we're good. All right, so. I'm just going to lay into Obann. All right, so you move. Do you want me to kill him?

I mean, you can control yourself to only knock him out. It's not like we're going to be able to question him in this fucking room. We're fucking... Six seconds. Knock him down. Pop pop. Kill him. With advantage still. We'll take his dead body with us and ask him questions.

23. 23 hits. That's what we do. That's eight. That's eight? Eight damage. Plus. Eight damage. Well, it doesn't do you plus damage, just plus attack. Oh wait, no, plus 2d8. Oh, from the holy weapon.

That's right, plus 2d8. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Plus another seven damage. Radiant. All righty. You got it. So I'm going to attack. 22. 22 hits. That's six, 12, six, sorry. Hang on.

Eight regular damage. All righty. Plus another six. So 14. Plus another five, so 19. 19, you got it, all right. How's he look? He's hurt. He's hurt. He's hurt.

Flurry of Blows. Okay. Okay, first one. Yeah, yeah, 25. That hits. 11 plus six damage. All righty. Four nefai on the way out. All righty. I'm going to buy it on the way out.

You got it? And... Mm-hmm. 28. 28, Jesus. Nine damage. Plus seven radiant. You got it.

Looking really rough. Good, good, good, good. All right, that finishes your turn. Really rough, okay. Okay, so Caleb is moving along that railing on the side. Not at the front lip, but back towards where we came in as far as he can get, sticking to the wall. And I'm going to use Cat's Eye to grapple Obann

at advantage. 14, nope, 22. 22. And then I will use my bonus action to crush him. Well, that is a 23. He actually beats me. Oh, what did I get? 14 plus eight, oh! Oh, sorry, no, 26.

I miscalculated. Roll a 26? Roll a 26, yeah. Oh, jeepers creep. Natural 18. Then I'm done. Okay. Oh, this is gone. Oh, it's only if you grapple. Only if you a 26, yeah. Natural 18. Then I'm done. Okay. Oh, this is gone. Oh, it's only if you grapple. Only if you grapple, man. Okay.

That finishes your go? Um, sure. Okay. Do you have any other moves, actually? Caduceus. Is it an action and a bonus? Wow. I'm going to... It's done. It's gone.

It's done. Cat's done. The cat is a bonus action. Look at this group of motherfuckers. I'm going to... Oh, the cat is a bonus action. Yeah, never mind. So I have an action left. So you do have an action. I was wondering why you weren't using your action.

Thank you. Fireball. Yeah, that's it. No! It's not like it's unfamiliar territory. Fuck your bubble. He'll throw everything into the sun. I'm going to turn him into a turtle.

Okay. Not a giant turtle. A giant? A turtle. A regular turtle. A regular turtle. Let's take him out. Giant acid turtle. That is a what save?

17. 17, 20. Oh. Oh. Least try. That finishes your go. Caduceus, what are you doing on your turn, buddy? I'm going to

fucking take another whack at this guy, I guess. Sure. Do I still have advantage on that? No. Oh, because even if he's prone? He's not prone. He was stunned before. I thought he was prone on the ground. Left hand is prone. Left hand is prone. Oh, so he's not prone.

Okay, that's fine. I'm going to... Oh, so he can actually get an attack of advantage if we disengage. No. Actually, you are technically flanking with Fjord, so you do get advantage in the attack. Oh, yeah, and in that case, I will take an attack with Staff of Wuthering, and maybe it'll actually hit this time.

Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, a Flapping Hands turn, you're right. Thank you for the reminder, though. Oh. You're okay, you're okay. Okay, it's 20. 20 just misses. 20 misses? Are you fucking serious?

I rolled a 16 and. I'm sorry. That's your spell attack? That's my Staff of Withering attack. Motherfucker. Okay. Sorry, buddy. That's okay, that's okay. Jesus.

I'm going to then Jesus. I'm going to then take my movement. Okay. I'm going to disengage. You can't take the disengage action. No, I'm just going to back up and I'm curious if he's going to take an attack or not. I'm going to start heading towards. He is. He's going to go ahead and take a strike.

Sure. He has an abyssal longsword in his hand, this dark obsidian stuff. Oh, that's right, yeah. Bless you. Go for it. Sentinel! Sentinel, 24. 24 hits. Eight.

That is a 20 to hit. What's your armor class? 18. 18, so it hits you. Eight plus another seven, rating it. So a 15, okay. All right, yeah, okay. We're wanting to kill this guy, right? We're wanting to kill him.

Yeah. At this point? Yeah, because we can speak to him. All right, so what kind of damage do I take? He might disappear. Sorry, yeah, so we did hit you with that. You take... That's fair. Foolish.

He's not disappeared? I think it vanished. It's okay. You take nine points of slashing damage. Ow. Plus seven points of fire damage. As he strikes, the blade emanates an arc of fire. It spins across your back, you feel the impact,

the blade, the cut, and the fire burning into the wound as you run off. Do I have to make a constitution saving throw? You do. All right. So that would be a total of? 16. 16 damage. So yeah, so just go for it. 17. Yeah, you're fine.

All right, so you maintain your constitution. I'm going to back all the way up to, no, go for it. 17. Yeah, you're fine. All right. So you maintain your confidence. I'm going to back all the way up to, no, where Caleb is. I'm going to just get in the way of Caleb so that if anything tries to run up on us, that it hits me and not Caleb. Not behind him, in front of Caleb. In front of Caleb, there. Okay, you got it.

That finishes your go. Jester, you're up. Laughing hand. The dogs. That's right, the dogs. Thank you. Man. Yeah, they're all dogs, thank you. Okay. Man. Yeah, they're all going to run up the wall. Whoa, what? Oh, fucking shadows.

540. Damn, that's a fast speed. They're very quick, and you can see them, they can climb on the walls without issue. They seem to almost dive into the darkness and then emerge and pounce. So that's two against Jester. Does a radiant light spell do anything to them

from a bow? Nope. Okay. That is a 17 to hit. Oh, I guess should I roll to make sure, to see if they're getting me and then duplicates? Correct, if it hits. What's your armor class? Oh no, he don't hit. Oh, I guess should I roll to make sure, to see if they're getting me and then duplicates? Correct, if it hits. What's your armor class? Oh no, he don't hit. Misses.

The other one is going to go ahead and strike you. That is a 24 to hit. So go ahead and roll and see. They hit the duplicate. Hits the duplicate. You have one more duplicate left, right? Yeah. All righty. That finishes their go.

Dax, now Jester, it's your turn. Okay. Are they trapping me in? I mean, you could, you can't really go up the stairs, it's blocking you. Okay. Is the spiritual weapon 20 away from the one in front of me? It could move to, yeah, it could move over there.

Okay, it's going to try to hit the dude in front of me. All right, go for it. Whoa, natural 20. Oh, yay! 14 plus, I think five is what it gets out of two. Correct, you raise the modifier. Yeah, so 19. Nice!

As the shadow comes there, the lollipop hits it. You watch the radiant energy scatter its form for a second before it reforms back from the shadow. Okay. I'm going to... Fuck. Cast...

Fuck. I'm going to try to cast Banishment on the Laughing Hand. Okay. Sick, dope, dope. What's the DC on that, or the spell DC? It's wisdom, right? Cast Banishment on the Laughing Hand. Okay. Sick. Dope. Dope and sick. What's the DC on that, or the spell DC? It's wisdom, right? Charisma. Charisma, got it.

He's a handsome guy. He's a handsome, he's very funny. Got a good laugh. 27. Yeah, well, I figured he was probably pretty. Woo! Probably buffed up. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Roll a natural 19 on that. No! Rolled really well on those stuff. All right, I'm going to. Not all of them. Against the fucking stuff. I can't even try to run past this dog, or? You could try and make a climb check and rush by and climb up past it if you'd like to.

Yeah, I'm going to try to pull a bow and dart out to the side and parkour off of Yasha's shoulder and then jump over. Okay, and then athletics check, or sorry, acrobatics check then. Can I help her? Unfortunately, it's a help action to do that. You have to use an action to do that. 17? 17, sure.

It'll allow you to get it on the opposite side, but that'll be the extent of your movement there. Jester of Orogan. That's all my movement to do that, or? Well, you can keep moving if you want to. You will take an attack of opportunity. We'll note, already used. No, it hasn't used attack of opportunity,

so it will get one from you. I'll try to run up, though. All right, so both of them get attack of opportunity on you. They have pack tactics, so they both get advantage on the attack. That is a 15. Nope.

That is a 19. Okay, hold on. Oh, it hits me. All right. But that's okay, that means my duplicate is still up. That's true. You take nine points of piercing damage. Okay.

All right, that finishes your turn. She's not your up. Get the fuck out of here. So many people to kill. We're still trying to kill Obann. Yasha, you've got to get out of there. It's up to you. What you do? I'll pop up out of my hidey hole.

Bloop! I will fire again at Obann, just trying to drop Obann. Is he still stunned? Nope. So just a single roll? Well, he's enraged. Terrible. 14.

14 to hit. 14 misses. Fire again. Goes wide. Okay, 24. 24, shield. Oh! I hate him. Oh, that bastard.

Which shield? Does it take anything? What? Let me see. You know this, what's the bonus, plus five to AC? Five, plus five. So yeah, misses. Oh my god. That was so close.

How much does it last? Just one round. It lasts for a full round. Can I counter spell that? What? You're going to counter spell that? I don't know, can a reaction counter a reaction? Imagine you probably can, yeah. Okay, counter spell.

Okay, go ahead and roll. Well no, shield's level one, it happens. All right, there you go. Spell's counter spelled, go ahead and roll your damage. Oh! Come on. Oh, Boise. Fuck you, Caleb.

Yes, yes, yes. Hell yeah. Oh yeah. Ooh, this is good. Oh yeah. Ooh, this is good. Oh lord. That's pretty good. Could you have a 20, 23? 29. 29.

Okay, he's looking real bad. Like, holy shit. Damn it. He's got me sick. It's got to be like, a point. Okay, does that finish your turn? Yeah, I'll duck back into my hidey hole. It's his turn.

It is his turn. Shit. Okay. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Shit, balls, shit, shit, shit. Hashtag fuck! Who's he going to go to? Oh yeah, okay.

He's got some sort of fireball. He gets some sort of like, poof, and whirlwind, looking around him. He is going to fly as far as he can that direction. You get an attack of opportunity against him. Come on, Fjord. Do I? You've already used your reaction this turn.

No! Come on, 40. 40, 40, 40. 23. 23, shield's got the used your reaction this turn. No! Come on, 40. 40, 40, 40. 23. 23, shield, he's got his reaction back on his turn. You got dispel? Oh wait, oh wait. But I am blessed. He's casting shield again,

because he got his reaction back. Oh, he got his rea- oh. 26. That hits! You're blessed, sir. Go ahead and roll damage. You got it right. Come on.

Eight points of slashing damage. Oh my fucking god! No! No one hit point! No one hit point! Oh, I'm sorry. Hexblade's curse plus four to damage. Oh!

That'll do it. Checkmate. Sometimes I got to remember it. All right. So go ahead and I guess, how do you want to do this? Yay! As he starts to fly off, I'll just take the falchion and carve up his back

right between the wings. All right. As he arcs through the air, floating down. Don't want to. Glances over towards Yasha as he's falling and says, Avenge me. Never.

Make a wisdom saving throw. With disadvantage. What? With disadvantage. What is happening right now? Oh no, oh no! Ooh. Oh no! Ooh. Oh no! Ooh. Ooh.

No, please. Nope. I don't want to do this. What was it? Two. Two, flat two? You feel a burning, sharp pain in the back of your neck, right at the base of the skull. And this old, forgotten anger wells up within you.

Oh god. Oh god. All right. What? What happens? As you see him hit the ground and roll, the body turns to mush. Oh my god. Like fiends do.

You can't ask him questions, though. You've killed fiends in previous campaigns. No, but not in this campaign, I'm surprised. Mush. Social personality. How are we going to find out Yasha's backstory? Yeah, that's okay. Who is Yasha? Fuck. So that finishes Obann's go.

It's now the Laughing Hand's turn. Oh god, oh god, oh god. The Laughing Hand has no movement at the moment, so he's going to go ahead and make a slam attack against the Barlgura. Uh-huh. That's a natural 20. Ooh.

Barlgura takes 20 points of bludgeoning damage. Natural 20. Balgura takes 20 points of bludgeoning damage. You cannot see it. Balgura is toast. Disintegrated. He soaked some damage, though. Balgura grappled. He did. That was awesome. Getting up. half his movement.

Oh boy. Shit! Fuck! Leaps. We're done! On to the upper part there. The laughter now just louder and louder as it surrounds each and every one of you.

He's going to take his two extra attacks. Oh no. One's going to be at Beau and one's going to be at you because he has a reach of 10. So one at Beau, one at Fjord. Let's see here. What am I doing? What am I doing? For Beau, that's going to be a 28 to hit.

Yeah. Holy deal, guys. Yeah. Is it going to be eight points of hit. Yeah. Holy feel, guys. Is it going to be eight points of damage or something? We got to get the fuck out of here, right? Yeah, real bad. But we haven't learned anything about Yasha! And Yasha's... Well, you can 21 points of slashing damage.

What? And it gets you forward. No. That is going to be 17 to hit. That is my AC. Okay, that hits. You take 16 points of slashing damage. Okay.

All right. Make the call. That brings us to Fjord's turn. I'm sorry. I forgot because of the ring of protection, I have a plus one, so it was a three instead of a two. Oh shit! I don't know if that changes things. I'd say probably not. I forgot, because of the ring of protection, I have a plus one, so it was a three instead of a two. Oh shit!

I don't know if that changes things. I'd say probably not. We're wanting to get the fuck out of here, right? Yeah. And Yasha's all down by herself, right? Yeah. All right, I will... Go lollipop.

Fuck! I will use 10 feet of my movement to come around to almost where Jester is, and as right as I get to her, I will bonus action Misty Step. As you're heading out of the range of this blade, the Laughing Hand gets Attack of Opportunity against you. Maybe I'll just use my Misty Step to start with. I'll just Misty Step straight down to where Yasha is.

Okay. Oh, yes. Letting you finagle that. Unless you, I can take it, I did say that. I can take it. All right. Yeah, that's fair. I know better. That is a 25 to hit.

That definitely hits. Jesus Christ. You take 21 points of slashing damage. Ooh! God, yeah, okay, I will use my bonus action to Misty Step. Actually, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw for me, please. Oh, that's new.

19? 19. The laughter does not penetrate your sure-fire warlock-emblazoned mind. You continue your turn as planned. I will bonus action Misty Step down to Yasha, right in front of her, and I will grab both of her shoulders and be like, you ready to get the fuck out of here? She's just looking straight at you,

and she begins to grin. Oh boy. Oh! Oh boy. I'm going to take that as a yes. I will cast Thunder Step and try and take Yasha with me. A willing creature goes instantly. The creature is not willing.

A non-willing creature. Where is it? Five feet with you. Where is it? Unwilling creature. Oh, they have to be willing. Fuck. Otherwise the creature is left behind. Yep, so where are you going? Oh, Fjord. It was so honorable.

It was. You appear in the hallway, arms out in front of you, and Yasha isn't with you. And they will take 5d10 thunder damage. Go ahead and roll the damage. That's to both of the... All three of them. All three of them, yeah. Including Yasha? Including Yasha.

You can do it. Okay. What's the save on that, dexterity? Yeah, there is a save. It is a constitution 18. Constitution saving throw. Constitution saving throw? Yes. Ooh, one of them succeeds, one of them fails. Jesus. Oh my god. 19, 29.

Wow, 38, 39, 40, 41 points of thunder damage. Wow. That Shadowhound is disintegrated from the blast of thunder energy. The other one takes the damage and you see its body flickering and it's looking pretty hurt. You took all of it because it's thunder. I rolled a 20 for constitution. So you take half damage. Okay, what was the total? You took all of it, because it's thunder.

I rolled a 20 for constitution. So you take half damage. Okay, what was the total? 49. 41, right? Yeah, so you take 20 points of thunder damage. Okay. Thunder? Holy shit.

Oh, fuck. I don't know what happened. She was willing. I'll use the, I have like 20 more feet of movement and I'll just back up the hallway, trying to figure out what just happened. Okay. Yeah. Pulling back, pulling back, pulling back.

That brings us to Yasha's turn. You see a tiny goblin hiding right around the edge who did not hide at the end of their turn last turn, avenging the old friend as their body dissipates. You rush over the stairs, blade held high. I... Go ahead and make two attacks against Nott. What is happening? What the fuck is happening?

Don't forget you have Bless, too. So roll your d4s per attack. But what if he doesn't want to bless her anymore? Thank god. Okay. Bless would have been dropped, actually. Shit. Bless would have been dropped? Bless would have been dropped. When? Oh, because you picked

the holy weapon. Yeah, sorry. Wait, so I rolled would have been dropped? Bless would have been dropped. When? Oh, because you picked the holy weapon. Yeah, sorry. Wait, so I rolled twice for two attacks? No Bless there. Two attacks. There's no Bless. I think there may have been some fiddliness there. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's okay. I'll go ahead and I'll mark some things.

Brain's a little melty. I rolled a three, or no, I'm sorry, hold on. Boastel. So holy weapon. Right, holy weapon, but there's no actual one. Shit. Yeah. I rolled a 10 and an 11.

What? As attacks. Total? Attack rolls? Totals, I rolled a 10 and a 11. Oh my god, you did. That was for the first attack, for the reckless attack, or was that just for both attacks? That was just the first attack, yeah. So second attack. Did she make them reckless? She's making them reckless.

Oh, that hits for sure. It's 21. Did you roll reckless with advantage on the second attack, too? It could have been 20 as the... No. Okay. So go ahead and roll the full damage. Five, ten.

I'm going to do Savage Attack, because that was low. No, that was better. Okay, ten total. Ten points of slashing damage to you, Nott. Uncanny dodge. All right, so you take out the damage to five. Okay. Now she's really not that powerful.

Would you shut your damn mouth? That finishes Yasha's turn. Brings us to Beau and Caleb. Beau, could you make a wisdom saving throw for me, please? Oh yeah. Okay. 14. 14. 14.

Unfortunately, due to the series of wounds he's taken, the laughter is so loud that it fills your mind with absolute fear. You are frightened and your speed is zero. Oh boy, this is getting bad. Okay. Is it the top of my turn? Yes. Do I still have a turn?

You do. I will use Stillness of Mind and take my action to end a frightened, my frightened attack. Okay, so you're no longer frightened. Oh, Jesus, okay. Can she still move? Yeah, she's no longer frightened. Oh! Whoa.

Oh! Oh! Monk shit. You still have a bonus action. Monk shit. You still have a bonus action. Monk shit. We got to get the fuck out of here. What are you doing with the rest of your turn? We got to get out of here. I'm assuming Fjord is saying that

we got to get out of here. We are all saying we got to get out of here. Do I get my movement back? Yeah, you have your movement back because you saved from the front. So I have a bonus action and a move. Correct. I will bonus action Flurry of Blows.

You cannot because you have to use the attack action to go into a Flurry of Blows. Okay, you are 100% correct. So I have no more attacks. Correct. I will... I will use Spinic Keypoint to use Step of the Wind.

Okay. And disengage. All righty. So you disengage, and where are you going? I'm going to go towards Fjord. All right. You run quite a distance following Fjord. That finishes your turn. Are we going to have to go back over the bridge?

Caleb. Cat's Eye should be gone, because I tried to, I used Polymorph. That's true. And what's up? Can we shut the door? I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. Okay. Is that a door on the other side?

24. Okay, there you go. Jeez, Nott's there, Jester's there. I am going to cast Polymorph on myself. Okay. Fuck. And I am going to cast Polymorph on myself. Okay. And I am going to turn into a giant ape. Okay. A giant ape. We'll use this guy, because I think it's close enough.

Oh, look. He's back. George! And I am going to circle around Caduceus. And get in the laughing guy's face and yell towards Jester and Nott and Yasha and just go, and then I will punch him in the face two times. Well, you just used your action to polymorph.

Action to polymorph? Correct. Oh, great, then I just yell in his face. You got it. All right, that finishes your turn. That brings us to Caduceus. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw for your hands. Okay. This one's been kind of okay today. I say these things.

Wow, that really went. Oh my god. Oh no! No, no, no, no, no. As the fear takes hold, the laughter piercing your mind, you find yourself wracked with fear and unable to move. Fuck me. Ah! I'm wracked with fear and unable to move.

Correct. So I have fear. You are frightened. So what cures frightened? Chocolate, according to Henry Proctor. What deals with fear? Masturbating? Caduceus?

Oh, Jesus. Oh, I don't have any of those. Caduceus, what are you doing in here? Anything cure fear, or am I just fucked on this? Depends on what type of spells you have prepared. Does Lesser Restoration cure fear? Go ahead and check that out. I'll pull it up here as well. Blinded, deafened, paralyzed, or poisoned, so not fear.

So no. Fuck, okay. Greater Restoration, however may. It's a fifth level, but I don't have a fifth level. Okay, that's fine. I am going to... Motherfucker. I am going to cast...

Bless, oh fuck, what am I doing? Yeah, all right, I'm casting Bless on Jester. You're dropping, I'm dropping yours, sorry. I don't have any, okay. Bless on Jester, you said? Bless on Jester, bless on Caleb, bless on myself. Caleb's on the gorilla. Yep, he's a blessed gorilla.

And do I see anybody else, or? That's three. I'm just casting it at second level. Second level, right now, you can see... I can't see anybody, can I? I'd say you probably can't see Nott from this point. You can see Asha. You can see Asha, and you can see Fjord, and you can see Beau.

What's the range on that? 30 feet. 30 feet? Yeah, you couldn't even reach any of them. All right, all right. That's it. That's my fucking thing, other than just holding a reaction. Okay, Jester, you're up. Fuck boy.

Need you to make a wisdom saving throw for me, please. Oh, that far away, huh? Oh boy. What's the radius around it? I don't know, man. You have a d4 to add to it now. Oh noes. What's the range?

15. 15 foot around him. I think it gets louder every time we fucking hit him. 16. 16, you managed to resist the fear. God bless. God bless Aimee. Okay, okay, okay. Fuck, man.

Not okay. Okay. Get the fuck out. What about Yasha? What the fuck? What about Caduceus? I saw Yasha hit Nott. Make a perception check.

Actually, your passive perception? Yeah, you probably would have seen it. 15? Yeah. Ah! Even though you're running up the stairs. Are you at this point? Yeah. Oh god. Okay, I'm going to turn to Yasha and say,

You don't know where we're running. We don't have time for you to be controlled, and I'm going to cast Charm Person. On Yasha? On Yasha. Okay. Oh boy. Charm on a charm. Yeah. Yeah. Do two charms make a... Two wrongs make a right, I don't know.

Okay, so you make a wisdom saving throw. Cast a spell. Add advantage because you're not friendly to us right now. Correct. Oh goddammit. She rolled so well! Fuck, man. Bad people. 19. 19, yeah, does not find purchase within Yasha's head.

Jeez Louise! Why'd you have to roll so good? No, you had to roll so good! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I understand. Does she roll a save every round, Yasha? No. No, she's just straight up.

Okay. I see what just happened. I got really excited for just a split second. Sorry. What you doing, Jester? I'm going to run. I'm going to try to run. Audis. For sure you are.

Okay, I'm going to try to run. Before I do it, oh, I'm going to bring my spiritual weapon and try to kill that dog. All right. Go ahead and roll an attack. Fuck that dog. 12. 12 does not hit, unfortunately. It doesn't. Blech.

Oh. Sorry, Dice. All right, does that finish your turn? I guess. I mean, that's everything I can do, man. All right, Nott, you're up. Yeah, unclear on our objective right now. I can't believe you rolled that good. Caduceus can't move.

Suddenly, all of a sudden. He's currently cowering in fear, barely casting his spells. And Caleb is about to be stuck as well because of his very low wisdom. I will take a small flower out of my hair and hand it to Yasha and run away as fast as I can. Bonus action, disengage.

Okay. To get up here, I need you to make an athletics check to climb or acrobatics to try and parkour off. Your choice. Give me a flower. Acrobatics, I need you to make an athletics check to climb, or acrobatics to try and parkour off. Your choice. You gave me a flower. Uh, acrobatics, I guess? Sure.

11. 11, you get up there, I'll say, but it takes 10 feet of your movement. Okay. So you have 25 feet to still move. I will move those 25 feet. 25, that's where you get there, that's your bonus and your movement.

You have an action still. And then my action, I will keep moving. Okay. Trying to stay within 30 feet of Caleb. Okay, yeah, that keeps you 30 feet from Caleb, it'll put you there. All right, that finishes your turn. That's it. All right.

It is now the Laughing Hand and the Dog's turn. Laughing Hand and the Dog's a great band name. Yeah, it is now the Laughing Hand and the Dog's turn. Laughing Hand and the Dog's a great band name. Yeah, it totally is. The dog is going to shift around and both of them are going to swap places here. What? Or like a Rook move. The dog's going to jump up across the ceiling, leap.

Fucker. These dogs are fucking cool and scary. Move in. Motherfucker, really? No! Was that dog within range of me? That dog was not, it was back here. And then it leapt up.

You don't have a ten-foot range? You have a ten-foot reach there? Ten-foot reach as a... Yeah, you would, you get attack opportunity. Oh, thank god, thank you. I'll punch that dog. I'll punch that fucking dog. That's 15 to hit.

15 to hit, 15 hits, good roll damage. Okay, okay. So, 19. 19 damage, nice. Wham, giant fist punch to it, the creature rushes past, runs across the ceiling and lands behind, not blocking it, it's going to be first attack, giant blade on Caduceus.

Fuck, man. With advantage. That's going to be a 24 to hit. That hits. All right. You suffer 18 points of slashing damage. Motherfucker. Stop, don't. The dog from behind is going to attack you.

Okay. I need you to roll a constitution saving throw, by the way, for the Bless, if you don't mind. Sure. Nine? No, you lose the Bless. Motherfucker. Yes, you are.

Oh my god. All right, so that is for the other, that's a 19 to hit for the hound. Really, a 19 to hit? He doesn't manage because he has pack tactics and packing with an ally. Motherfucker. That's going to be a dd4 on that, too. This might be the end of me.

Nine points of piercing damage. Yeah, this really might be the end of me. So nine points of piercing damage. It's going to go ahead and slam you with its fist. Roll bad. Okay. So nine points piercing damage. It's going to slam you with its fist. Roll bad. No, that's an extra 19. 30 to hit.

Wait, 30? Just barely. For that, you take 10 points of bludgeoning damage. It's Jester, the gorilla, the hound, the Laughing Hand, and Caduceus in the middle, right? Right. Are you missing something? Yep, they're right there. I am kind of fucked.

And third slice with its arm against you. It's natural 20. Natural 20. No! I cancel it. You do. Oh! And thank god. Oh my god. Someone's going to need to carry me the fuck out of here. 22 points of slashing damage.

I am kind of standing. He's okay. All righty. I am bad. See? Don't be worried. When did it? Yeah, oh yeah, low ones. Oh shit. All righty. All right, all right, all right. That finishes his turn.

Okay, okay. Fjord, you're up. I'm up? Yep. I'm coming back in. Okay. Full movement can get you about there. You're in melee with the dog. I'm in melee with the dog? Correct. Yeah, I will take both swipes at the dog

with the Summer Dance Vow chain. Go for it. What are we going to do about this guy? Is Caduceus flanking him? You could move in a way that would flanking him, yeah. I'll allow that. Let's do that. Let's hope. 21 to hit. That hits.

Go ahead and roll damage. Okay, all right. Four, three, two, one. 12 points of slashing damage. 12 points of slashing damage. Second one is a two. No, the first attack kills it. Oh!

Oh, sweet! It is scattered to the sky. Oh boy. The shadow bursts and dissipates amongst the non-lit corners of the chamber. Oh boy. The shadow bursts and dissipates amongst the non-lit corners of the chamber wall. Great. Can I send some Eldritch? No, I don't want to hit the fucking guy, do I?

Well, you use your attack action, which means you have a second attack. You can't use a cantrip, unfortunately. Cool. You can move closer if you want to. You have five more feet of movement. But I can't get in melee with anybody? No. If Jester wants to try to

Is there anything I can do bonus action-wise if I got near Caduceus to aid him in some way? No, it's an action to try and use the help action. Yeah, that's right. Okay, I will not do anything. I'll, what? Yeah, well, I mean, the only thing I could think to do is try and get this guy to burn

a fucking attack of opportunity. Yeah, I can't. I got five more feet of movement. You said that's, I can't. I got five more feet of movement? You said that's what I had. You got about five more feet of movement. I'll move. Yeah, nevermind, nevermind. I'll move towards you, there.

Okay, there you go. Finishes Fjord's go. Yeah, you're just going to get frightened if you're. All righty. Yasha, it's your turn. What's your movement speed? 40 feet. Why do I only have two goddamn spell slots?

30, 35. Is there? I don't know how this is going to go. I don't understand how this is going to go. Go ahead and make two attacks against the giant ape. You have advantage on these because you are flanking with an ally. Did you see how fast he could fucking go? Did the flower remind me of anything that Nott gave me?

Unfortunately, no. Okay. I thought it was like four to here. Yeah, he didn't even notice. With advantage. With advantage. With advantage, goddammit. Who are you attacking? Me. Caleb.

19 for the first hit. 19 for the first hit? All right, it's a hit? Yeah. All right. Fuck, I hate this. Oh god! Okay. Oh man. 20 points of damage for the first hit.

All right, second attack with advantage. Oh fuck. 27. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. 11 points of damage. All right, so we need the last five feet of movement to go ahead and shift over and engage with Jester. I thought the knife just came off. Wait, what was this?

Yasha finished the attacks on the bulgur and then move aside and just engage with you. Yasha's just looking at you in the eyes. All right. That brings us to Beau. There's no stun now. Caleb Guerrilla's going to push through between Big Sword Hand and Caduceus,

like this with left arm, get in the way, scoop up Cad, and start to run. I'm bigger than he is. Okay, so you try and reach over and grab that? Yeah, I'm taking him in like he's a baby monkey, grappling my tum-tum, and I'm just going to start running. You got it. Yeah. All right, the Laughing Hand is going to go ahead

and take an attack of opportunity against you. What might I do, you know? That is 19. Sure. All right. You take 23 points of slashing damage. Got it. And 40 feet of movement. All right.

Oh, you weren't frightened? You got out of there? Nope. Nice. So you are now, thank you. Grabbed by the ape and brought aside. All right, that finishes your go. Beau. Am I, how far away am I from the angel statue?

Dagger angel heart? Angel statue? You're probably, I'd say 20 feet at this point. You're not that far away at all. Okay, I go over to that. Did that, when we put the dagger in, did it open a door? We put the dagger in, the door broke, like split in half and then opened.

There was a line in the center. So now the door opened and one half of the angel is the hand still holding the dagger in. I'm going to go up and I'm going to... I'm just going to pull it out and see if anything happens. Make a strength check. Make a strength check. Oh my god, whoa.

What if you close it and then we need a second? I'll open it again. What if it disappears a little, fuck it, oh Jesus. Is she locking us in there? Oh fuck, it may happen. Strength check? Yes. 19. You pull the dagger out.

Put it back in. It begins to close. You can do that next turn. Okay. It begins to close? Yeah. How slow is it going? Not terribly slow. It's probably going to close? Yeah. How slow is it going? Not terribly slow. It's probably going to close next round. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

We're going to Indiana Jones this. We're going to Indiana Jones this shit. Fuck. If anyone had a whip, they could get Yasha out. All right, that brings us to Caduceus. I am going to fuck my life. I am going to... Is life. I am going to. Is there any, who's, is Caduceus and Caleb

on the other side of the door? Are they out? They're there and out. We're going to double run up to there. Yeah, so I'm going to do my intern. Are they out of the door, of the range of the door? You are at a speed of what? At least two, 40.

40 feet? No, they're not out yet. They're right behind you. Okay. All right, so, Deuce, what you doing? I'm going to use Cure Wounds, I guess, because fuck, at 4th-level, because fuck. Okay. On myself, that is a, I am shaking so much.

That's a fuck ton of d8. I don't get a bonus on this because of the closure thing of healing. No, yeah, healing myself. Healing yourself, the closure only helps if you're unconscious. I also thought it does a thing where it gives me. Something with a hit dice.

With hit dice when you're healing on a skill. Okay. Nods right by you. Okay, that's better. 16. 27 points of heal. 27 points of healing. Which brings me up not nearly enough.

Get out. And yeah. I don't really have anything else I can fucking do, can I? Any bonus actions other than, actually, for my run, I'm going to hop out of your hands. Can you move now? Yeah, I believe. Okay. So you hop out of his hands. And I'm going to hop out of your hands. Can you move now? Yeah, I believe.

Okay. So you hop out of his hands. I can take his 80 feet. I can take his 80 feet, but who knows what's going to happen? Yeah, go. I'm going to start booking. Okay, so you run through the doors that are closing. Yeah. You got it.

All right. That brings us to Jester. Facing off with Yasha. Yasha. Yasha's engaged with you. Oh shit. Run. Just run.

Just run? Get the fuck out of there. That or die are the options at the moment. Run, baby. That's what's there. Oh boy. I'm going to try. How far away from the door am I?

Really far? From there, you're about 60 feet away. Fuck. Double it. So I can double dash and try to get out? Double dash and you'll reach the door, yeah. I'm just going to say, snap out of it, Yasha.

And oh no, I hate it. And I'm going to run for the door. Okay. Oh god. Make a Sentinel attack against Jester. Oh no! Oh no, it's... Oh shit. What's it just?

Just an attack roll. 20. Is that him? I've got one mirror duplicate left. Go ahead and roll. Lord Almighty, please. Go boy, go boy, edgy go boy. That's cocked. That's cocked, roll again. I need an 11 or higher, 16.

Thanks fucking god. The mirror image takes the final blow as Yasha's skin gorger slams into the ground. You feel the energy dissipate behind you as you dart forward, double move, rushing just beyond the closing doors. Fuck. That is some fucking luck.

Fuck. Oh wow. Not okay. Wow, good call with the mirror image. Nott, it's your turn. Holy shit. Boy, Fjord, you're still in there. You have enough, he's going to get out.

He's got all sorts of thundersteppy things. No, he doesn't. You don't? Just get out. You can get out, right? How far is Fjord from the door? Fjord is about a little closer. He's about 50 feet. I'll make it.

I'll make it. How far am I from the door, 30 feet? You're about 30 feet from him, yeah. I will step forward 10 feet towards the big bad mama-jama. All right. Throw my Tanglefoot Bag Okay. at him. Between him and Yasha, if I can get an area.

I don't actually know how Tanglefoot Bags work. I was trying to look it up. I'm telling you right now, it essentially works as a 10-foot radius and tangle spell. So go ahead and roll an attack. Just roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier. Oh my god. That's mad.

Dude, you get anything left? Ugh, not great, not great. 14. 14? Okay, that's enough to hit the space there. Now he gets to make a strength saving throw. It will be restrained by them for the next round. Natural one. I don't want this thrown away.

16, yeah. No, he resists it. Okay, great. The vines wrap around the legs and he just snaps them with his legs. Well then I'll turn around and run out the door. Fjord, come, come now! With that, you have enough movement with your bonus action to make your way

into the next space. Fuck, dude. Put your hand there, so we know where you are. Fuck, dude. All right, so Nott rushes through. That brings us to Obann's turn. No, Obann, sorry, the Laughing Hand's turn. Fuck, dude.

I came back in. Goddamn it. Shh. The Shadowhound is going to go ahead and turn over this way. Goddamn it. You don't have shit. Oh, you're flanked now.

Yeah. Okay. You didn't hit. So, Burst is going to make a slam attacked now. Yeah. Okay. You get a hit. So, Burst is going to make a slam attack against you. Man. That is a 24 to hit. It is not going to do any damage. Instead, he's going to grapple you. No!

While you are grappled, you are also restrained in this way. He's now going to make two blade arm attacks against you. Door's closed. That is going to be a 19 to hit. Hits. You take 17 points of slashing damage.

Okay. And a second attack is going to be a 29 to hit. Hits. That was not a great damage roll. That is going to be 14 points of slashing damage. That finishes his turn. The hound is now going to strike you from behind. Oh my god.

That's a tough roll. That's an 11. Misses. Misses you. Tries to bite at you. That's an 11. Misses. Misses you. Tries to bite at you. Okay. All right. That finishes the Laughing Hand's turn.

You're still alive? Are these fucking scrabble? Yeah. It's your turn, Fjord. Do you have no sluts left to do your Nullifender step? No, I have no sluts. But at the start of my turn. Yeah.

You have to make a wisdom save. Oh god. of my turn. Yeah. You have to make a wisdom save. Oh god. Oh my god. Ugh, this is disgusting. This is brutal. Oh my god. 13. 13. You are wracked by fear.

The fright seizes your body. You cannot move and you are frightened. Fuck. So I have your actions. I do? Yeah, just take move, and you are frightened. Fuck. So I do your actions. I do? Yeah, just take your action, you just can't move, and your attacks are at disadvantage. I will turn towards the hound and sickeningly take two swipes

at the shadow dog. Go for it. It's cocked. Again. 23 to hit. That hits. That's 14 points of slashing damage. That's not a few dice.

Second one. That finishes him. Oh, thank god. He was still damaged from the attack earlier, so yeah, that takes out that last Shadowhound. You still have one more attack. I'll swing it, I'll turn around and face my... Face my attacker, and this is 23 to hit.

23 to hit, okay, go ahead and roll. 12 points of slashing damage. Got it. Barely moves from the impact. The blade almost sinks in and stops and you have to wedge it out. You feel your hand shaking with your blade in your grasp. I can do nothing else.

That is my turn. All right. And let go. That brings us and that is my turn. All right. And then what bell? That brings us to Yasha's turn. Can you do the bell? Go make two attacks against Fjord, Yasha. Reckless.

Do you have the door? Okay. Oh god. Oh no! Natural 20. Fjord, Yasha. Reckless. Oh no! Natural 20. Variants do, man. Fuck. Fuck, man. I can. Oh my god. Why is it so good?

Why is the roll so good when you're not being Yasha? Ugh, okay. I rolled 16 plus seven, so I don't know if you'd... 16 is what you rolled? So that would be 34 plus seven. And then you add the seven after. Correct, and you roll an additional d6 on top of that. It's a brutal critical.

So 41 plus another d6. Plus another d6? Holy fuck. 43. 43 points of slashing damage. So you see Fjord take it, fall backwards. He uses his one half-orc, Relentless Endurance, to stagger himself

and put one hand on the wall and just look up. Still being held by the Laughing Hand, by the way. Okay, okay, okay. Make a second attack. He's fine! I'll say, I'll look at Yasha and go, why? Oh. 16 for the second hit.

Misses. Oh! Thank god. I heard you. Oh gosh. Her voice comes through. She's still looking at you intently, a burning grin on her face, but she still says,

almost disembodied, I heard you. That finishes Yasha's turn, Beau and Caleb. Come on, guys. Save him. Come on, Empire kids. Open the door back up. The door is closing now.

Oh my god. So you're going to have to use your more pure. Is it closed closed? It's closing on your turn, so if to? It's closed. You're going to have to use your more pure. Is it closed closed? It's closing on your turn, so if you want to try and keep it back open, you have to use your action to put the dagger back in. Yeah. What are you doing?

I'm at the door, and the door just closed in front of me. Is that what I'm saying? It's in the process of closing. But it's not big enough for a giant ape to go through, or is it? No. No. I'll put it back in. Okay, so use your action, the door halts

and starts reopening. We didn't make it. You have your movement still on your bonus action. Fuck, man. I movement bonus action. Sorry, I can't. It smells of poop. It's this Japanese liqueur thing. What's it called? Can I move up to Yasha? Do I have enough move to move up to Yasha?

She is about 50 feet from you, so at the door, yeah, with your move, you can get up to her. Is Fjord still grappled? Fjord is still held, yeah. Just by fear. No fear, and you're still grappled by the laughing ant. Oh my god.

Oh, so even though you did the... I'm covered in blood. You were conscious, you still are grappled? Barely here. Fuck. Do something simultaneously, or do we wait for? Yeah, come along. Yeah, okay, so the gorilla form just drops,

and Caleb is here, reaching into his pocket and puts some phosphorus down into his hand and squelches his hand through it, and a wall of fire stretches out, splitting Fjord from them on a deep angle that is almost parallel to the wall, but at an angle, and the damaged side will, of course, be towards Yasha and the creep,

and not harming Fjord at all, and it will make just a straight line for Fjord to run along towards the exit from where I am. Hall of the Light.. Follow the light. Wait till the light up, Camadri. Gosh, I don't know how to communicate this. I was picturing the fire not curving around them, but making a line towards Caleb's, Caleb, there.

Like a runway for Fjord. Gotcha. Towards the door. Like a long diagonal. Okay. Nice, nice. Does it hit the damage immediately, or is it on their turn? I think it's on their turn. Yeah. Yeah. Nice, nice. Does it hit the damage immediately, or is it on their turn? I think it's on their turn, right?

I think so, yeah. You got it, okay. That's your action. Yeah, and I will back up as close to the door as I, oh no, the door is opened, I will back up. Into the room? About 30 feet back, yeah. You got it.

Okay. Who's next to me? Next to you right now would be Jester. Jester is right next to you, Nott's a little further in. Caduceus, you ran into the chamber as well. So both Jester and Caduceus are right next to you. I'm going to, as I dart back off, I'm going to hand the dagger to Jester.

As I run by, grab Fjord, and try and run him, and then. So you're going to dart back. I'm going to dart back with my move. Okay, so that would be 45 feet to get up to Fjord. You got it, you're up to him. And then can I grab him and use Step of the Wind and try and drag him back out of the door

as quickly as I can? You can certainly try. That's what I'm going to try and do. Also, DM, the spell says the creature takes damage when it enters the wall for the first time on a turn or ends its turn there. So they're technically in it, so would it trigger when we get to the start of their turn? Because otherwise they could just walk out of it. You know what, that's true. We can do the damage now. Correct. They're technically in it, so would it trigger when we get to the start of their turn?

Because otherwise they could just walk out of it. You know what, that's true. We can do the damage now. So go ahead and roll. This spell confuses me. I know, it's a little finicky, so. That'd be eight. Nice dex save, right?

24, yeah. Roll a dex save, Y? 24, yeah. Roll a dex save, Fiasca. It's cocked. Advantage on dex. 16? No, 17. 17, yeah. So full damage on the landing hand. What's the damage on that?

24. 24 fire damage. And what'd you roll? 13. So you take another 24 points fire damage. All right, so you're trying to pull. I'm going to take him and throw his arms over me and do the backpack maneuver and try and lift him up and see how far I can get. Make a strength check, because you're pulling against the Laughing Hand's strength,

because he's still grappling him. So you're trying to pull him out of it. Even through the fire? No, yeah, still holding onto him. You see the hand holding forward out of the flames as he's burning him. This is going to fucking fail. Your straw.

No, I'm not! Okay! All right, roll. Wait, just a strength? Strength, add your strength bonus, yeah. I have no bonus, so 18. Fuck, roll a 16. No joke.

Fuck. So strong. I was like, there's no way you were going to beat that. No, there was no way I should have beat that! Your arms are flexing on the verge of tearing. Oh! A little turd squeezed us out, just a little. A little.

Slap that lip. All right, all right, now I said I'd allow it, okay. So you manage to rip Fjord out of the Laughing Hand's grasp. The laughter still burbling from the flames. You hear the burning sound of the fire as all the voices are still pushing through. Holy fuck.

Pulling him away, step of the wind, dragging somebody the same speed as you means you move half speed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you manage to pull Fjord 20 feet. 20 feet. Okay, okay. So you guys are about there.

Got it, okay. Who's next and then you start? I'm going to, okay. So we're not out, we're not out. No, Caduceus, you're up. I'm overheating. I am holding a healing spell for anybody going down.

Okay, what healing spell? I'm, uh, uh, What's it called? Because my brain is made of panic. Healing word, yeah. Okay, you got it. So if anybody drops to zero, anyone drops to zero, I'm shooting healing word.

Jester, you're up. Okay, I'm going to, Nott standing next to me, passing Nott the dagger, andott standing next to me. Yes. Passing Nott the dagger. I'm going to use the whip to whip at Yasha and Fjord and yank them out the door. You can choose one. Aren't they? Beau and Fjord.

Beau, I mean, sorry, Beau and Fjord. She's holding onto Fjord. So you're grabbing Beau. Yeah. Go ahead and roll an attack. Oh my god, come on. Hit me. Is it like, right? It's just AC, it's time to roll.

I know, I know, but. You're not trying to dodge it, so I'll give you advantage on it. Okay. What was that? That wasn't better. Seven or a nine. 14. 14.

It's less of her allowing it, but just your aim with it isn't quite fair enough. She cracks about two feet left. The loud impact causes your ears to ring a bit. Don't you, can't you grab things? Can't you catch things? Missiles. As reaction coming at you? Missiles.

But it's like a ranged thing coming at her. Roll a dexterity saving. Okay. A save? A save, yeah. Okay. 12. 12? I'll say you're not quite quick enough to grab it,

unfortunately, you reach out for it and it just slips through your fingers, it falls in the whip, recoils back. Rolled shitty. That's fair. Fjord, are you going yet? Fuck, that was... Yeah, I went.

Okay, as a bonus action, this is stupid, but I'm going to bonus action cast Mass Healing Word. Okay, the range on that is? 60 feet. Yeah, so you can hit pretty much everybody. Yeah. Except for? Six creatures. Except for Yasha.

So, that's pretty good. Ooh, you guys get six whole points. That's definitely pretty good. That's a future turn. What is it? Six points. My god, this did not go the way I thought it was going to go. Oh boy.

All right, I finish the Jester's go. Damn it. Nott, you're up. I really thought that was going to. I know, it was so close. I've got the knife, right? And I need to stick the knife in when it's time to close the door or pull it out?

You need to stick it in. Oh no, pull it back out, that's right. Excellent, dagger was placed back in to let it reopen again. But it's the Laughing Hand's turn after yours. So we have to start it closing now. Well, I will hold my action. No, no, no, you need to start it.

Now. Start it. Because it'll take an action to close. Okay. Start it, and then Fjord and I can get out. I will pull it out. Hopefully. Okay. I guess. Pull the dagger out the doors. They were already reclosing.

Pull them out. they begin reopening again. So there's one round. Put it back in. Yeah, sorry, you put it in, then they begin to open, you pull it out, and they're beginning to close once more. Sorry, you know what I mean. Yes. All right.

Bonus action, I will take out my Fluffernutter Bomb and just hold it out, ready. You got it. All right, that finishes your turn. Jumping through the wall of fire, this hulking, cloaked behemoth just leaps through. Flames licking off of it, slowly burning away. It's going to go ahead and run forward

and attempt to attack you. Beauregard. He's going to attempt to slam attack you to grab. That is a 17. Miss. Oh. He's going to make his blade arm attack against you. That is a 16, rolled really bad.

Yes, yes. That's long shit. That's going to be a 20 to hit. Breakdance, breakdance. 20 hits. You take 18 points of slashing damage. Okay, okay, okay. I'm not grappled, though.

Mm-mm. All righty. That finishes its turn. No, their hounds are up. It's looming towards you after blowing through the fire. It now comes up, tries to grab, misses once, then slams the blade once and it pierces the side of your chest and pain causes you to push off

just enough to keep it from hitting anything vital. But there's now blood pouring out of this open wound that it slashed into its side. That brings us to Fjord. I am fucked up and I will push off of Beau's back and rush towards the door. How far away am I? Okay, you are now in melee with the creature,

with Laughing Hand. You could use your action to disengage and move if you want to, but that would be all you can do this turn. Yes. That's what, how far am I from the door? At this point, you are about 20 feet. Yeah, I will disengage and run my blasted ass. With that, a ruined Fjord manages to just barely

make his way out of the range of the Laughing Hand and run through the doorway. Fucking. That finishes your go. Yasha, what's the range on the firewall? How hurt are you? I'm a 39. Yeah, you're fine. I'm okay.

You go ahead and dart over and moving next to the Laughing Hand, it's now Laughing Hand, Beau's dodging and going out of the way, lets Fjord go, turns around, and you see Yasha run through the flames. Dual hands, angry face, rushing right towards you. Make two attacks against Beau.

Super cool image. Run into the fire. It's okay. I can just use my magic. An advantage or maybe? Not advantage. Actually no, reckless, yeah, advantage. Yeah. She must have it anyway. I can do 20 for the first hit.

I'll step into wind again. Just 20 hit Germapause? Yes. Roll damage for that first strike against Beauregard. I have more tools to get out with as long as I have. 17 points of damage. 17 points of slashing damage to you. Okay.

Go ahead and roll a second attack with advantage. That's a huge. I'm going to throw up. Me too. This is the grossest fight ever. 24. Yeah, every round is different. 24. Go ahead and roll damage again.

14 points of damage. Still standing? Yeah. All righty, that finishes Yasha's turn. Beau, Caleb, you're up. Iron shavings in the air, the flames drop, and Beauregard doubles in size. Okay, with that. in the air, the flames drop and Beauregard doubles in size. You can do it. Okay. With that, the flames fall out of place

and a massive Beauregard now. But you won't be able to get through the door. The door is ten feet wide. Okay. Although it is closing. Mm-hmm. Fuck. But I'm fucking fast.

You are. This'll be an Fuck. But I'm fucking fast. You are. This'll be an ability check to see. All right. Oh god. All right, so fast Beau is now going to move this back a bit just so we can get a little more spatial awareness here. So. Fjord and Forge.

I know, this is insane. Fjord and Forge. So Beauregard is right there. My stomach is on the edge. Yasha is flattening on that side there in the hallway. The rest of them are by the door. I know, it's a big fight. All right, so Beauregard, you enlarge in size. Yasha to your right, the Laughing Hand behind you

as you turn around, what are you doing? I am going to Step of the Wind to disengage. Disengage, all right. And nullifies the sentinel. And my jump distance is also doubled, so I'm going to kick off and then try and like... It doesn't increase your speed any further, but you can make it just a cool moment

as you run and leap. And I'm going to turn to the side. Make an acrobatics check for me as you attempt to make your large form tiny. Carl, you're skinny. No carbs, no carbs. Oh, why? 11.

11. You squeeze past and are now pressed between the doors. Oh! Oh no! They're starting to crush you. Oh my god. Do I still have a thing that I can do? Can I have an action?

Well, you do have an action still, yeah. Okay, yeah, you do still have an action. Make an athletics or acrobatics check to try and break away, because you are currently restrained and it's starting to crush you. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Can you drop the spell as a reaction? Probably.

I did it so that she could not get grappled by the thing. Yes. Nine plus eight, 17. 17. You just managed to squeeze through with that last action and push your way through into the chamber. Are we all in except for Yasha? Everyone is in except for Yasha. Everyone is in, except for Yasha.

All right, that brings us to Caduceus. I'm, well, I had my reaction still, so I'm just going to, I held my spell, so I'm just going to burn my spell. I think you're pretty far down. You're both pretty far down. Who looks worse? Probably both pretty rough.

All fucking good. All right. Have a, oh my god, that's terrible. Three ones and three d7. 12 hit points. I will take it. You're welcome. That's more than I have. I am booking full speed. I mean, we've got everybody. All right, Caduceus, Jester, it's your go.

The door's closing on Nott's turn. Nott's through, right? Nott's through. Everybody's through except for Yasha. Give it a shot. Like try to whip her and bring her through? Yeah, maybe she'll make it. I'm going to whip Yasha and try to bring her through.

I'm going to try to hit Yasha with a whip. Okay. No, she's heavier than you. It doesn't matter, it's a strength thing. Go ahead and roll an attack roll. I'm not going to pull you towards her, right? No. Doesn't mean that we have a Yasha

that is going to kill all of us. Natural one. You go to whip. Nope. As you swing back, the actual end of the whip ends up wrapping around Caduceus' leg as he's running the other way. Oh, that's mean.

Caduceus, you fall onto your stomach as it unravels. You're fine, you're still in the chamber, but the whip does not make its way out. I go invisible, just out of panic. All right. You hear a small fart. I reach out to Yasha and start sobbing

as the door shuts. Okay, that finishes your go, Nott. There's nothing I can do. Yasha! I'm just going to look at Yasha and reach out. You hear. We have to run! Oh. Oh boy.

Okay, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Against the door. We're going to book it as fast as we can. What do we do? What do we do about Yasha? You guys book it out of the chamber. What are you doing? We try to play the fucking drums and drop the... I'm going to try to play the things,

the music to try to shut the other gate, too. Okay, you go ahead and play the theme one more time. The crystal barrier shuts. You can still hear the muffled bangs from the opposite side. What are you guys doing? I think that that will stop it. No, we got to get the fuck out of here.

We got to go. Yasha's trapped in there. I tried to get Yasha out of there. She didn't want to leave. We are moving. This is it, we're moving to the space. Yeah, we are walking. You're moving through the mirror chamber,

and you're now at the base of the Long Bridge. Oh. Christ. Why? Why did we come here? We just need to go, right? We just need to go. Yeah. Just run.

No, we need to tie ourselves together. Rope together for this. Come on, quickly. Agreed. Rope together. Who has 50 feet of rope? I still have mine. Let's put ourselves together, rope together for this. Come on, quickly. Agreed. Rope together. Who has 50 feet of rope? I still have mine. Okay, good. Mine was all cut up. Then just sprint across and try to get.

The really runny version. Yeah. Yeah, run? Run for us? Yeah, not the slow one. Okay. You guys go on a full sprint. Thankfully, you fully banished the ropers. That's no longer a worry. You guys all charge together across. At full speed, double move,

you can make it across the whole bridge in about three to four rounds. So as you're rushing across, the metal clanging, the bridge swinging a bit, the chains rustling, you hear the whispers begin to build up. Can I do like a la la la la la la la la la? You can certainly try.

Everyone make a wisdom saving throw. Right before we start doing the wisdom saving throw, I'm going to cast Bless on... Oh. On, let's see. Me too. How many targets? It's six people, so I'm going to cast Bless on

one, two, three, four, five. I'm casting Bless on everybody. Okay. Okay. What is this, a wisdom save? Wisdom saving throw. Five. Five, okay. With the d4?

19. 14. 16. Yep. That's good. Like 27. Oh, That doesn't make any difference. 16. That's good. Like 27. Oh, you're not there, sorry. Oh!

I'm such an asshole, I'm so sorry! Holy! That was amazing! All right. And you? Oh, you're not there. Oh, you're not there. I'm so sorry, that's purely accidental. I'm the worst.

You're apparently some sort of terrible demon. All right, so as you're rushing across, the first leg of it, Nott begins to... Nott begins to run in a random direction. Just tug, continues to run forward, hilariously enough. Come on, you fuckers, let's go! What are you waiting for?

Oh my god. Running to the middle part of the bridge, everyone make another wisdom saving throw, please. With the d4. Oh my god, natural one. On the key fish drive. 22. 14, 11. 25. 22, all right.

You go catatonic, you guys have to drag Beauregard with you. The whole group means she'll lose. I got you now, I got you, I got you. Add an additional round to getting across. You're now on the third leg. You're almost to three quarters of the way across. Dragging Bow behind, go ahead and make another wisdom saving throw.

The whispers are getting louder and louder. The noise you're making is calling the entire chasm to rise up as the gibbering and shouting and whispers. Oh my god! Again? I rolled a two. Oh god. 23. All right, two. 17. 14. 22.

23. All right, everyone else,. 14. 22. 23. All right, everyone else, once again, Dragonbow Regard behind. That gets you to the three-quarter point on the bridge. Another wisdom saving throw as she picks up the speed. Another one? Yes. Again. Wow. Where was this ship before? Plus four? Plus d4?

Okay, so, okay. 10. 24. 23. 15, okay. 10. 24. 23. 15. 25. 22. Okay, this time Caleb, Caleb, make a melee attack. We'll say against, against yourself, because why not?

Rolled a 20. You take two points of bludgeoning damage. As you guys are running, Caleb keeps running and then she goes, and just cold cocks himself. The nose is snapped to one side and you can see his broken nose. You can't really tell. Oh my god.

Am I the first person to crit myself on the show? I think you might be. Master to me. Ooh, stop that crit think you might be. Master and evader. Ooh, stop crit. Those are rare. Towards the end of the chamber, you get to the edge of the bridge and you're now on the opposite side of the chasm.

However, you're still on the precipice. One more wisdom saving throw, everybody. Oh, Jesus, God. Come on. Natural 20. Nice. 18. All right. 29. 21 plus. 10.

Four. 25. 23. All righty, Caleb 21 plus? And more. 25. 23. All righty, Caleb, still dragging behind, you guys manage to pull him out of the chamber. I told him to make me tell you twice. He tries to run in the opposite direction, back into the room, and you drag him back in, but you manage to pull your way,

and you're now back into the chamber of the undead hearts that you gathered. Can we unhook the fucking bridge? Yeah. What about Yasha? What if she needs to get over? What about Yasha? What about that thing? What if it wants to come out of this place?

It can jump down and make it across with or without a bridge. All right. All right. Let's go. All right, you guys can get to it. Should we leave a note for her? We're in with the zombies, let's go. All right, you guys get to go. Should we leave a note for her? We're in with the zombies, y'all. We got to go.

You're into the room. You rush in, the other doors open, and as you're running through, you can see hands scraping through the undead piles beneath, starting to drag their way up from the subterranean undead cache. You guys continue to push through. Oh, that shit. Pushing on progressively, you make your way

through each of the individual chambers which you fought through, back into the chamber where the spiders were. I mean, up the tower of where the creature you locked in there is still there. Great. However, the door is locked, so you need to try and unlock it.

Oh, this was the door at the bottom of the spiral? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I have to unlock it, everyone hold their actions, right? I mean, the thing didn't attack us as soon as we got into the room, it's going to. At least the lightning thing is. Was it a mist monster? Yeah. Yeah. It's invisible.

Well, hold your actions anyway, just in case. Yeah, okay. I'm going to knock on the door super loud. Echoes through. Wait a beat, wait a few beats, and I will pick the lock. Okay. 30.

30. It opens up, the mist wafts out in your direction. You guys continue upward. Yeah, we got to. All right, you guys run up, run up, run up, run up. As you're heading up that way, who's helming this? Who's at the front? I'll helm.

All right, so Jester, as you're rushing up the side, suddenly you see out of the mists a face. To merge, attack you. Shining Bullet. Everybody, go ahead and make who's, everyone who's within range, which you are not anymore, unfortunately, you're further back. Sacred Flame. Sacred Flame.

Natural one. Thank you. 16 to hit. 16. You have disadvantage in the attack hold because it is invisible, technically, so roll one more. Higher. Higher than the other. Holy shit. That hits. So that's 23 radiant damage.

23, okay. I rolled two eights with plus five radiant. Woo! All right. There's already still damage from the previous battle. 14 points of force damage. All righty, what were you holding? I rolled a fire bolt, I rolled 22 at disadvantage

and got 12 points of fire damage. 12 points of fire damage, okay. Another 10 points of radiant damage. Another 10 points of radiant damage. Yeah, we'll say the burst of it as it emerges, you guys all at once, and just dissipates based on the attacks that it already suffered in the previous battle and had not fully recovered yet.

Well, you know what? No, because you guys took a long rest, so it would have recovered. No, you took a long rest. You did, so it's still there, so it's going to get its attacks. That means it's going to go ahead and take two slam attacks to the person right in front of it,

which is Jester. That is 11 to hit. Okay. It's an advantage, actually. That is a 15 to hit. All right, second attack against you. With advantage, that is going to be a 22 to hit. That's it. All right.

As it slams you with its invisible pseudopod, you suffer two ones. You suffer five points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. You're cool. It was rolling really well during the Heart Battle. I'm going to use Hellish Rebuke. Okay, go ahead and roll damage on it.

Oh, piss. That gives it a, this is dexterity? Uh, let me look. There's a constitution for all of you. I think it's dexterity, right? Dexterity. Yeah, okay. So it's a 16. What should you see? Oh, that saves. Saves, okay.

So it takes half damage. 17, 19 points. All right, so it takes nine points of damage. Got it. All righty. You guys continue to rush up alongside, or do you stand your ground and fight it? No, just keep going.

You keep rushing. Take an attack of opportunity against you, Jester, as you rush past. That's going to be a 25 to hit. Okay. You suffer. That's better. 10 points of bludgeoning damage.

Okay. You guys all take your round now. As you see it attacking Jester, as you rush past, you can see it swirling in the mist. How many punches we run by? I'll allow you. 16. 16 hits. Remember, you have disadvantage in these attacks.

Sacred Flame. Sacred Flame. 18 to hit. Natural 17. 24. 17 damage, all right. 12 for one. 12 misses. A second attack. Eight, so you're on the Guiding Bolt. Yeah, that hits.

13. Misses. 18? Hits. 18 to hit for 10 points of damage. 21 points of radiant damage. Nice. 24 points of force damage from the two Eldritch Blasts. All righty.

12 points of bludgeoning damage from my face. Bogus, the final hit, whack, and now it dissipates into the mist. Punch the ghosts. Fucking ghosts. Punch the ghosts. With that, you rush the rest of the way up the tower. Thankfully, the device previously there has been disabled. That would have made it a very difficult ascent.

You make your way through the spiderling chamber. Before we leave, should we blow this thing up so it can't get up the stairs? Should we blow up the stairs or anything? The stairs. I don't know, it can still climb, probably. Yeah. Probably still can't climb. Or blow in a door, blow in a hallway.

The bridge would have been the smarter one. It can't get across the fucking bridge. You're making all that assumptions. It's a big jump. We saw it jump 20 feet up in the air, like it could jump down, jump up. It was hundreds of feet. No, it wasn't.

No, I mean the cavern. Yeah, but it can cross, it's also got the same. The bottom where the big jibberer thing is? That's the same thing it is. Hardly matters now, to be fair. I mean, if we have something to blow this thing up with, it's great, but if not, we should just run. Yeah, the tower.

I got nothing, I'm close to tapped. I don't know if it'll blow everything up, though. I don't know either, but it's your bomb. Let's just keep going. You decide. Let's keep going, it probably won't work. Yeah. Okay. You guys rush through the spiderling chamber,

glide underneath the partially open adamantine door, make your way to the courtyard where the angels still remain, eyes bleeding. You head back into the winding tunnels past the obelisk, pushing into the darkness until eventually you make your way, stumbling out of the hidden passageway, back into the dusty mid-afternoon near Bazhozen on the north side of Xhorhas, the Barbed Fields.

Yasha. Wait, wait, wait. near Bazzo's Inn on the north side of Xhorhas, in the barbed fields. Yasha. Wait, wait, wait. You pull the thing out? Symbol out of the thing to try to close the door on his path. Okay. It closes. Find our mounts. What did we do? Why did we do that?

Yasha made her choice. She said so herself. We need to find somewhere to hide. We're not safe here. We're going to leave, but can we set something so that we at least know if it makes its way out of the door? Not that we could warn anybody, but... I think it's going to make its way out.

Just to remind, we're at this military outpost, right? Isn't it right in the heart of? We're not there. We traveled away. You guys are a few miles off to the western side. We need to get on our mounts and head back. We literally did this guy's job for him, and he's paced.

We came away from this with nothing. Less than nothing. We've got to move. We have to tell the Bright Queen. We have to tell everybody, and we can't tell anybody. I pull out the silver thread, and I start taking the ten minutes I need to cast Alarm on this door.

Okay. I'm listening for Anne East. Can we hear the rumblings coming? Make a perception check. Pick a d20, they all suck today. Ah, 20. 20. You listen, nothing. I mean, you traveled quite a distance below ground to even reach there. Sure.

There's so much rock and earth between you and where any of this is happening. It would be a miracle to hear anything. We'll start wrangling up the piece. I look at Yasha's eyes. She smiled when I said we had to get out of there. She said she didn't know who she was, couldn't remember things.

We don't know her at all. What if that's who she was the whole time? We know her. Do we? Yes. He called her a name, he recognized her, and then she turned in the middle of all that. That was a different person. She was mind controlled, like Caleb was.

Those things happen. I have a feeling it's not the last time we're going to see her. They've been opening portals to other dimensions. We're going to save her, just not today. You have to save her. Well, we took down one demon who is ripping portals from the Abyss into this plane.

He's probably not the only one. Yeah, but what are we going to do? Go back to the Bright Queen and tell her what? We have nothing. We don't have a friend. Yeah. We don't have this Obann. We have nothing. We certainly can't tell her what we did. We can tell her what happened.

We have to. That what? We unleashed what? We didn't unleash it. We, if anything. We tried to stop it. It's stopped for now. This is what's happening, we have to stop this. We're going to give away all of our good favor in this dynasty that we're in.

We are not going to be people of favor anymore. That symbol will mean nothing. We can tell the truth. We killed the one that we set out to, but he unleashed this thing. How do we confirm that? We killed the one that we set out to, but he unleashed this thing. How do we confirm that? It's locked away. There were several layers of celestial magic in between.

And all of them are opened. And all of them were to keep people out, not to keep that in. We've got to go. Let's just go, we'll talk on the way. I'm trying to collect the mounts. This is a threat here. Maybe, Jester, after you have rested, you can,

you need to think, but maybe you can contact Rosanna and have them come here. At least we warn them that there is a danger here. What is the angle here? What was his name? The one? No, the guy we released the Laughing King. Torog?

Torog is the name of the Crawling King. He was a champion of the Crawling King. We have to let them know. We have to let them know. We have to let everybody know. Everyone, this is too big. We're going to go to jail. We're going to be lucky if there's a jail to go to. This is bigger than that now.

This is bigger than jail. This is the only way we're going to save our friend. We got to move. We're also still not 100% certain if the Dynasty or the Empire have anything to do with these portals or with Obann. Honestly, I think everybody needs to be informed now. We're just guessing. We don't know what's going on.

We have to get out of here. Let's go, let's just go back to the city. We can have this conversation later. All right, let's go. It takes you a little bit to find your moorbounders. They've wandered quite a bit in the time that you've been gone. They're a little dusty and unhappy,

and they've hunted in your absence, but they're okay and happy to see you as you arrive. You step aboard your moorbounders and begin making your way back towards the Hallowed Rodan. Hey, Jester. What? Can you do that thing where you talk to people? Not today.

I don't have it today. What do you need? I want to talk to Yasha, more than anything. What are you thinking? I just want to know what happened. Want to know if it's her. We've been playing the whole time. How stupid are we?

It wasn't. We talked to her. We talked to her in her quietest moments. That wasn't her. Yeah, we were a bunch of fast talkers, and where did it get us? Here. I don't think this was all for nothing.

I know it feels shitty. I feel closer, though. I don't know why. You do. No one's stupid. Look at us. Any one of us could have turned in there and we would all be saying, I told you so. No one's stupid. I mean, we said 80 times

that we knew we were walking into a trap and that we knew that this guy wanted Yasha. And she said, I want to go first. We said, get in the middle, we'll protect you. She wanted to go first. We said, get in the middle, we'll protect you. She wanted to go first. We wouldn't have been able to stop that. And I'm not saying that that's any judgment on her, or that she knew what she was getting into.

But there's no sense in thinking that we could have changed her fucking mind. I think we were going to get played no matter what. And we all knew that, right? Yeah, we had to go in there. Yeah. I guess. None of us are fucking dead. We got our answers, we just didn't like them.

That's all. Exactly. Oh. Very tired. Thought we were going to change something, though. Walking out minus one, empty-handed. Can't even count it as a win. Except that we're alive.

We have names. Names are a lot. Names can be so much. We don't really know what we have unleashed. We don't, we don't know anything, and we're not going to find answers out here in the sand. We have to talk to people who know more than us. We're going to know.

We don't know yet, but we're going to know. We don't know yet, but we're going to know. Who are the people that locked away Talraq? Celestials. Yeah. Angels. 800 years ago. Moonweaver and? Moonweaver and the Allhammer. Allhammer did.

Maybe we can research something, I don't know. The Kiln. Hmm? We need to go to the Kiln. The Kiln? What's that? His thing he's looking for. It's another temple. The what?

The kiln. It's in the mountains near here. Does it have something to do with the Allhammer? It was forged or something. What did you do? You told us this. It's another temple to the Wildmother, but it was a gift. It was a gift to the Allhammer. Right.

We're all, all of us are gifts. Is it something that can help in this situation? It's where she's been pushing me. I'll say it one last time. I would rather go back to the Bright Queen or whoever it is we think we're talking to with a solution instead of just the problem. Problems get locked away.

Tomorrow morning, we let everyone know. And then if everyone's okay with it, that's what I think we should do next. Look for the kiln? It's the only thing that I can think of, unless someone's got a better idea. Unless the Bright Queen's got a better idea. I got nothing.

Well, at least I think we, but at least I was trying to curry favor with the queen for politics, but we are dealing with things we don't understand. And I think it's time to stop the con and face this. Why don't we take it one step at a time?

We rest. Tomorrow, we contact the queen from here. Yeah. Come clean. Because whatever this is, it is bigger than us. We read her reaction. We make a decision after that. Telling her doesn't have to stop us

from finding the kiln. Absolutely. No. Unless they throw us in jail. Well, not if we're not there for them. If they're going to get us first, take us an awful long time. Yeah, we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. It seems like a waste.

But cutting and running with no explanation is not an option. We are partially responsible for this, so we are going to take responsibility. Yes, we'll take it in steps. We can even contact, what's his name, hot boy Essek? I'm keeping an ear on that.

Essek first, if we want to. Let's go rest. Thank you, Caleb. Let's go hide. Do we have to go back into the barracks to rest? That would be sensible. As far as we can get. So you guys trek back to Bazazan?

Yeah, we'll ride back to Bazazan. Okay. Caduceus. You said you've been feeling like you've been pushed towards this kiln, that's what you keep calling it? Yeah. Do you feel like it's close? I do. I had a vision.

There was a mountain and a salt flat. I can draw it. I'll draw it for you. It was a mountain without snow. Interesting point, too. It was a mountain without snow amongst mountains with snow. And it looked like a salt flat, but it also looked like it had, it was white dunes.

White sand. Does that sound familiar to anything that we've seen? Make a history check. History check. All right. Come on, come on, give me a win. Okay. 20 total.

20? Yeah. Snow-capped mountains generally start fairly north. There are snow-capped mountains along the north side of the Benalian Empire. Faint bits of snow that occasionally hit elements of Xhorhas, you assume based on just topography, but you haven't seen any since you've been here. For a snow mountain range amongst white dunes,

you do know that in the Greying Wildlands, there is a large mountain range called the Flotket Alps. The what? The Flotket Alps. The what? The Flotket Alps. Flotket? Flotket. In the Greying? The Greying Wildlands. And this is back home? This is north of the Dwendalian Empire.

This is north of where you live, where you grew up. This is very north. You're familiar with the Flotket Alps. If you mention this to Caduceus, you know exactly what those are. Does that match what I have in my head? It may. You've never been there. You've never traveled there.

You've not really gone too far. Flotket Alps? Flotket Alps, F-L-O-T-K-E-T. K-E-T. He says, white dunes, crystal, there is actually, and you've only read about it, and it comes to mind, though you never pay attention, that much of the time, there is a place called

the Crystal Sands Tundra. Crystal? Sands Tundra. Sands. It is to the northwest of those Alps. North of the Dunrock Mountains? Mm-hmm. Northwest. I don't have a map of that.

You do not. It's not a map. In the north, it is above a body of water. Wait, where are we? Well, we're over here somewhere, and it's up here. Well, here's the Graying Wildlands. Uh-huh.

It's somewhere in there. So we're talking here-ish? Those mountains at the very, very top. These? Those probably could be the Flopkart Alps. Oh. And this is a lake? That is a heavy lake, yes.

And that's what, dunes? Is that land? No. Or is that water? You don't know. I'm sure it's the Wildlands. Okay. We'll have to figure this out tomorrow. I've got to think about that now.

You just ride and cry. Sore, sad, contemplative, you all quietly make your way through the subtle dust storms this north side of the barbed fields towards Bazuzan to see what the next step of your adventure is. If I could have everyone but Yasha leave the table, please. So we can go.

Gross, man. Gross shit. Get out quick. End whispers? Get out quick. Oh, this is the worst. Turn off the TV outside. No, I want to watch.

No, turn the TV off. That's the whole point. Man, that did not watch. No, turn the TV outside. That's the whole point. Man, that did nothing. I am happy I wore this shirt tonight. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Make your way to him. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. All right, this way, sir.

All right. Clear. Through this experience, the minute that burning sensation seared into the back of your neck, it was weirdly familiar. You began to feel the rush of memories of being found broken, You begin to feel the rush of memories of being found broken in the Wastes.

This red-skinned savior pulled you from the depths and showed you an angel like yourself that could give the power you need to maybe forgive yourself, or perhaps one day avenge those that took your love from you. You just see flashes, flashes of laughter and conversations with this Obann and others.

A traveling troop of zealots wandering these flames. Flashes of you, brothers in arms, flashes of you hunting those who wander too far from their village, flashes of the bloodshed and carnage you caused. Uncertain if it was within you this whole time, or was it the same burning?

You don't know. You just know you kept being drawn to his yellow eyes and his comforting voice. Who knows how long. You see yourself receded into your consciousness, looking through a tiny window. Your body not your own. Frozen in emotion, watching your friends scream and flee.

You see the hulking mammoth, laughing hand, an entity you had heard the name once or twice in the past, but had long forgotten, blacked out, like all these memories. You see it slam and slam and slam into these barriers. You help. The two of you together watch as the first barrier begins to crack and break,

and then shatter over time. Another period passes, with the strength of you two silently smash through the next barrier, which you shouldn't be able to do. But this entity is far older and of a different make than anything you've encountered before. You're scared,

but you have no control. Or do you? That thought scares you. Before the behemoth lumbers off, slowly clawing both of your way to freedom once more, you step back into the chamber and gather in your hands the remaining ichor that once was Obann.

In it, you can still feel a very faint thrum or beat. Holding in your hand, you turn and follow your new lumbering friend. Or at least the body does. Or is it you? You're scared. And that's where we'll end tonight's episode. Holy moly.

We're going to miss you, Ashley. Oh, me too! I know. All right. That's intense. That's the end of this chapter for Yasha. Okay. I'll keep you updated as we go as to what that means

in other points in time, but regardless, an intense episode. Thank you guys for joining us for a true Dark Knight of the Soul moment of the campaign. Just know, we love you very, very much. Happy Pride. Don't forget to love each other. And is it Thursday yet?

Good night. Oh hey, Ashley Johnson here, and I sure do hope you're enjoying the adventure. Remember when you first found out about Critical Role? Was it through a friend or a family member or maybe even through the words of a stranger in the review section of our podcast? Many listeners find our show through word of mouth and recommendations. So please consider rating and

reviewing our podcast because each review makes an impression that may just inspire someone new to give our show a try. And that, more than anything, helps to support us. Thank you for joining us on this adventure. And until next time, let us try to leave the world a little better than we found it.