Critical Role - C3E111 The Nein Hells

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Bells Hells meet their new allies on the road to Kreviris and learn just what makes this team so mighty... BEACON  We’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord. YOUTUBE MEMBERS / TWITCH SUBSCRIBERSTwitch Subscribers and YouTube Members gain instant access to VODs of our shows, moderated live chats, and custom emojis & badges:  https://www.youtube.com/criticalrole/join  https://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole     "It's Thursday Night (Critical Role Theme Song)" by Peter Habib and Sam RiegelOriginal Music by Omar Fadel, Hexany Audio, Ghiya Rushidat, Karam Salem, Neal Acree, and Colm R. McGuinness"Welcome to Marquet" Art Theme by Colm McGuinnessAdditional Music by Universal Production Music, Epidemic Sounds, and 5 AlarmCharacter Art by Hannah FriederichsAnimated Introduction by Kamille Areopagita, Kevin Areopagita, Mark Adams and Peggy Shi Due to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode.Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources

Hey there, Critter podcast listeners! We have a special new membership service at Beacon.tv, where you get early access to all new podcast episodes, including Critical Role for the first time ever. Beacon members also get things like live event pre-sales, merch discounts, access to a private community Discord, and new exclusive series like Critical Role Cooldown. Think of it as our digital Critical Role land.

Head on over to beacon.tv to check it out for yourself and start a seven-day free trial. Thank you so much for your support, for being a podcast listener, and for being part of our community. Hey there, Critters. We are so excited to share with you our brand new podcast from the world of Exandria, The Re-Slayer's Take. In this audio adventure, you'll be guided through the wild continent of Isilra, home to some of the most dangerous creatures. Here, the Slayer's Take is the most notorious monster hunting group in the realm.

But when previously slain creatures start returning from the grave, it's up to six misfit mercenaries to band together and re-slay these supernatural threats as the re-slayers take. So come follow along these audio escapades as the second coolest monster hunters this side of Exandria battle a growing undead army of dangerous creatures. The party is led by a duo of game masters, George Primavera and Nick Williams, Thank you. podcast two weeks early and uninterrupted by ads. Once upon a time, a group of curious storytellers breathed life into epic tales set in the wide fantasy world of Exandria. This is Liam O'Brien, here to welcome you to Critical Role. We'll dive

into the story in just a moment, but first, a few notes. This is the audio-only version of our broadcast that streams Thursdays at 7pm Pacific over on Twitch.tv slash Critical Role and YouTube.com slash Critical Role. If you subscribe to our Twitch channel, you can watch the video on demand immediately after the broadcast. And it's also available Mondays at 12 p.m. Pacific on YouTube. And of course, for all you wonderful podcast listeners, freshly minted episodes release right here on the Critical Role Podcast Network one week after our broadcast on Thursdays. With all that said, let's get into the story. Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's

episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons story. Telephone is back, baby! Back by popular demand, Beacon members can watch the first episode of this monthly series right now. As Matt tells our very first story this go-around, that the rest of us, we try our best. Very naughty. It's going to be fine. It's brutal. It's going to be fine, I'm sure. It will be available for everyone on YouTube

October 30th. But Beacon and Sheep will get it first. It should be Retrimand. It's Beacon exclusive? Oh, wow. Yes. That's great. First and only. Oh, wow.

I know he just hired you, so he's still getting it to speed. Sam, Travis, you got some announcements as well. Yes, episodes seven through nine of The Legend of Vox Machina season 3 are available tonight on Prime Video! I know you guys have been loving the first six episodes. I'm sure. 7, 8, 9, super boring. So feel free to skip these. You can just jump to the end. Or make sure you catch it with everybody else, because you don't want to miss them. It's right to have three bottles in a row.

That's right. Next week brings the big finale with episodes 10 through 12, and then October 29th, we'll have a wrap party discussing the second half of the season and bringing you all of our perspectives and behind the scenes goodness and details. We can't wait for you guys to experience the thrilling finale of season three.

I can't believe we're halfway through. Oh my god. Make sure to check it I can't believe we're halfway through. Oh my god. Make sure to check it out. No. We're halfway through. Laura, you got something to talk about? Yes, I do. Your turn.

We partnered with Geeky Jerseys, you guys, to create Critical Role-Fame hockey jerseys. Boo! What? This is the first jersey that celebrates all three campaigns with embroidered logos on the sleeves, you guys. Each jersey is handmade. So stock is limited. Okay, 12, okay. Can't. That makes sense. That makes sense, I get it now. It's very clear. Each jersey, I didn't know this, is handmade. So stock is limited.

But you can find it now at geekyjerseys.com. These are all handmade. That's cool. Your love hockey is for you. Also, fun fact, 15 is the amount of player characters at the table tonight. Yay! That's true.

It's like they knew. It's this texture-y thing. That's true. It's like they knew. There's this texture-y thing. That's true, that's kind of nice. In addition to that, I have other things to show you about. This is in our shop. I didn't take it out of the plastic. Okay, well. I am prepared.

Unboxing ASMR. Look at that. Uh-huh. Whoa! Nice. Look, we have a retro hoodie and jogger set. Woo! That's awesome.

You may remember our other hoodie and jogger set. This one's green. Whoa. You can check it out now. And they are, they're so soft. In our Critical Role shoppy. For a cold day. Go to the shoppy.

It's perfect for flying on airplanes. It is. Sam always wears his. Dang. This feels softer than even all the other ones. I feel like it is softer. It does, right? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, Dagen.

Oh yeah, that is actually, I think that's softer. So are we going to need you to go through secondary security? Four sizes, I want to keep it. I think you're still doing the announcement right now. Am I done? I'm sorry. I'm done.

Awesome, thank you, Laura. Come see our live show! The Grimace live show. Was I supposed to do that? No, I'm just saying it, because I'm going I'm sorry. I'm done. Awesome, thank you, Laura. Come see our live show. The Critmas live show. Was I supposed to do that? No, I'm just saying it, because I'm going off the rails. Come see our Critmas live show. It's the Daggerheart Critmas.

Woo! Anybody else have any improv announcements? No. All right, I believe that concludes our announcements. Gord and your Daggerheart! Yes! These feel very Keyleth-inspired. Well, it would pair nicely with the Keyleth hoodie.

Ooh, you could wear the pants and then wear the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do match. I'm just trying to stall, because we're going to explode. So let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. Ah! to tonight's episode of Critical Role. Critical.

Critical. It's Thursday night. One by one we climb until we reach the top. Two by two we fall. Will we meet our end or meet our destiny? Hold your breath and roll. How do you want to do this? It's Thursday night.

All ye critters come join us. It's time to continue our flight. There is magic and mystery. Who knows what will happen? He might. But one thing's for sure We never give up on the fight From the healer to the renegade We all share the same goal Adding more allies, taking more chances

Hold your breath and roll You can certainly try It's Thursday night All ye Critters come join us It's time to continue our play It's Thursday night There is magic and mystery From darkness our friendship will rise

When one thing's for sure, we never give up on the fight Oh, get ready, it's Thursday night SAM and LAURA And welcome back. So, last we left off, Bell's Hells had returned to Vasselheim, having thwarted, it seems, the unseelie reunion with the vanguard, and in doing so, eliminated one of the powerful associates of Ludinus Delef,

the sorrow lord, Zathuja himself, the blood father to Fearne. With the information you have, you walked through the city, you gathered some supplies, and you prepared yourself for what is the looming return to the surface of Ruidus, where you and another troop are to secretly traverse once more towards the capital city of Kaviris, to delve beneath its surface into a hidden spot before infiltrating the core of the city,

to notify those back on Exandria that you are in position so the assault can begin and distract the enemy forces and factions to best enable both of your teams to succeed at their goals. After you gather your things, said some goodbyes, ordered some alcohol,

climbed into a Dead Titan's ass crack bar. Ass crack bar. You. ordered some alcohol, climbed into Dead Titan's Ass Crack Bar. Ass Crack Bar. Good time. You. Shanks. Shank you. You met up with two familiar Zephryn family members of Orym

who escorted you to Lake Umama on the far western side of Issylra, where you had uncovered that secret underwater portal, the backdoor entrance to Ruidus and its hidden tunnel, unknown to most, but just a few. As you arrived in the familiar abandoned fishing village, now partially taken over by the Zephyrin forces in preparation for your arrival. You set up within the nearby inn

where you had stayed before, talks amongst yourselves until your companion team arrived. One you've met a couple members of, but have been told they're referred to as the Mighty Nein. A very chaotic introduction of both sides coming to meet together was left on a final question from Laudna, which was? Okay, we're jumping in.

Why are there only seven of you? I think I said it something like that. You're the Mighty Nein. It's funny that is not the first time we've been asked that question. It's been a time or two. Well, you have your cat, and I have my weasel, so technically we are a nine.

You have a weasel? I have a nine. Oh boy. You see, slowly crawling out from under her hood, this frazzled red weasel. The Mammarom. Oh my. This is Brangle! I love him so much.

I know, it's adorable. This is Pâté. Oh! He's just up. That was a crazy old face. Do you want to hold him? Yeah! Can I hold him? Yeah. Can I hold Sprinkle? Yeah, here we go. Here I go.

In your grasp, Wop heads up. Hello there, nice little blue lady. Oh, hello there, little dead rat. You look all so fancy and pirate-like. Do you want to ride on my hat? Oh, is that a euphemism? Ha ha, you know it is. I like this one.

Hi, Sprinkle, do you talk? Oh, that's good. You can ride on her, Sprinkle, it's okay. Do you have a ride? It does not. I shove him awkwardly in the house that's probably too small for him. Just kind of. The proof of Redford.

There you go. These two look very good together. They do. Whoa, sprinkle. Matching. What's going on, you guys? I have decision paralysis of who's going to respond. I'm like, huh, huh.

That's good. You guys are the reinforcements. You're bringing up the rear. Yeah, you're bringing up the rear. This is great. That's what we needed. I don't know if you understand, but we are Bell's Hells. We are the ones that settled this beautiful town

and located this secret passageway to Ruinous. It's back door. You're very welcome. Ah, yeah. Beau speaks up. It feels so awkward. Yeah, I remember you guys back at the Key, or at least some of you. I don't remember you. I remember you very well.

How did y'all get out of there? I was there. Well, how did we get out of there? I was there. Well. Yeah. How did we get out of there? Assuming you got everything else by escaping. Well, you see, we escaped. No. Well, no, you played it out. You teleported in the middle of the Crux at the live show in Wendland.

Do you remember? Mm-hmm. Oh, that's right. Do you know what happened to- In a rough few days. In a rough few days. Three lifetimes of characters in your head. Yeah. Do you know what happened to Plan In a rough few days. Three lifetimes of characters in your head. Yeah. Do you know what happened to Planerider Rin? Huh? Planerider Rin?

Do you remember what happened to her? What happened to Planerider Rin? She was a planer walker, but turned to stone down by the Malleus Key. We were trying to get him out before, yeah. Yeah. Probably didn't happen, then, if it doesn't ring a bell. We were trying to get him out before, yeah. Probably didn't happen, then, if it doesn't ring a bell. This is so cool.

I feel like I have thousands of hours to catch up on. This is Dorian Storm, by the way. Oh, nice to meet you. Hi. Oh, well, you are also blue. You are blue as well? Yes. Oh, you are beautiful, too. You're so handsome! Not as handsome as Fjord.

I, uh, I, uh... He's creepy. Fjord? Come on, Fjord. This is Admiral Fjord. He's in charge of several fleets on the high seas. You have fleets? We are merchants, Jester.

We've talked about this. Stone's Crow shipping is, we are a merchant vessel. We are not pirates. You are very much dressed like a pirate. I'm a pirate. I'm a pirate, too! Yeah, Pate! That's his name, right?

I suppose we could all be space pirates, since we appear to be going to the moon. Space pirates. That took on well. I'm just trying to show you the names. Something we've really been missing is branding. I'm glad you're here. Oh, good. That's what I'm known for.

What can we expect up on the moon? Is there a... We probably want to show you. Oh, hi! Yes, hi. We're sorry, this is Beth. Nice to meet you. Yes, is it? Hello, good looking. Oh, how are you?

I'm good. What's your name? Chetney Pockipee, but you can just call me Sea Papa. No, I don't think I will. What am I looking at when I see Beth right now? Just a, well, she's dressed pretty fiercely right now. She's got a cool black Catwoman-type suit on. What?

What? Nailah? Catwoman? What? Sheailah? Catwoman? What? She, yeah, so I'm sorry, I got. She's a halfling. She's a halfling. Yes. She's short and she's badass.

She's got cool buttons all over her. She's got packs of different potions and stuff like that. She's got a cool crossbow. I got all suited up to go rescue my son, but when I got there. Is he all right? You have a son? Yes, yes, I have a son. I mean, technically I have a husband,

but we have an open relationship sometimes. Oh yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, thank you. Always, always. Yes. Yes. Go ahead and roll a persuasion and deception check. Yeah, thank you. Always, always. Yes. Yes. Go ahead and roll a persuasion or deception check. No! Where's Norm?

I'm going to sit down real. Oh, I'm Caleb! It's a 21. Yay! Natural one. Wait, Caleb was asking Veth? Yeah. Okay. I was just thinking.

Well, I was just thinking. Just thinking. Oh, that explains Well, I was just thinking. Just thinking. Oh, that explains things. I was getting a very major midlife crisis vibe going on. Now that really knocks it down. Did that feel authentic to me or bullshit? No! Above the table, I know what your character looks like.

I just knew you were going to do something with your outfit. No, I don't know. I came to rescue my son, but you guys had already finished the fight or whatever. When were you rescuing your son? I'm so sorry, sir. He ran off with the rest of my group. And my group fucking brought him along for some reason.

Well! He had your permission. Yes. He was super capable. He did very well. He handled himself very well. He really handled himself very well. You rode a dinosaur.

The camp has been- Hey, what? Rode a dinosaur. I would have left that part out. I mean, Caleb did it. Well, of course Caleb did it. It was pretty cool. To be fair, we did scold him. 100%.

We were very reprimanding and stern in your stead. I just don't want him to get too cocky, because he's got this girl at the camp that he's interested in. I just don't want him to go running off with her or something. He has mad game, I would say. I would say he's very good at that. Yes, her name is Beth, which is so weird for me.

It's like a weird mother thing. No, mom. It's so gross. Oh, you think he's trying to date his mom? Maybe, I don't know. Well, you're super hot, I don't blame him. Thank you. That's still creepy, though. I got weird. I am hot, aren't I? You are, especially in that suit, I have to say.

Should we talk about the task at hand? Mr. Dorian, who is the most level-headed of your group of people? None. Yes, we've been lacking leadership for a while. Lacking leadership? You know it's true in your heart. We should start from a place of honesty, Fearne.

Yeah, I'm probably the most level-headed. I can definitely tell that's not true. Laudna just reaches over and puts Fearne's hand down. Chetna speaks for us often, but we don't always want it, but he is okay at it, I would say. Caduceus is going to walk over to you two, because, oh god, I love high wisdom.

It's just great. So, where have you come from? What's the plan? Anything that we should know? Do you want to leave tonight? Do you want to leave tonight? Do you want to leave tomorrow? Does anybody want dinner? I could cook. Is there a kitchen?

Dinner sounds great. There is a kitchen here in the... Any allergies, any issues that anybody has? Almond, actually. Orym looks way up Caduceus' body. Yeah, I think dinner is a good idea. I think we should sit down and compare notes and figure out whether we're leaving soon.

How much do you all know about the moon, Ruidus? We don't actually know too terribly much. We just told that they needed some of the best to go in and compliment a group of fellow adventurers. Caleb and I have been in the weeds a little bit, but mainly dealing with the Cerberus Assembly and their connection to this, but certainly haven't been there.

Ludinus has been very involved up there. As we understand it, you have been. To the moon, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Hospitable? Depends on where you are. Is there gravity? Yes. Yes.

Yeah, there's gravity. There's gravity. We made our way to the Astral Sea once, and shit was cray. Yes. Yeah, there's gravity. There's gravity. We made our way to the Astral Sea once, and shit was cray. Wow. Oh, Caduceus, by the way, I'm so sorry. I always, I'm going to go start cooking. I'll be right back. That is a good idea. Almond.

Do we want some? Cats. No cats, no almonds. I could eat. I don't think everybody's introducing themselves. My name is Caleb Widogast. Oh, yes. I'm Fjord, and this is, of course, my lovely fiancee. Hi, I'm Jester.

I'm a pirate. Hello. You are all engaged? Yeah. Oh my goodness. We got engaged a few days ago. Oh, you did? A week ago. How long has it been? Like a few weeks now. Oh my goodness.

It times has it so quickly. Congratulations, once there's you. I don't see a ring! Where's the ring? Did you not fucking get her a ring? Oh my god! Listen, I was in the moment. I've meant to come around. It's one thing that you have to do!

You know, honestly. What did you do with that fire resistance ring? I'm wearing it! Oh, is that the ring? Well, I was using it as the ring because Fjord didn't give me another one, so. I thought it had sentimental value. No, I like it, and I know how much you spent on it,

so that's important. It was worth the money. It is! I'm fire resistant now when I attune to it, which is not all that bad. Sorry, we got interrupted. Can somebody set up the table while you act like crazy people? Yes, we'll do that. Thank you.

That's Caduceus, and also this is Beau. Oh, Beau. Yeah, yeah. Finish the introductions. Oh, yes. Yeah, Beau, Boruregard Lionett. I'm actually with the Cobalt Soul. God, your personality just shines through. Maybe introduce your other?

My other? Your partner. Oh, yeah, this is Yasha. Hello. My name is Yasha Nydoran. It's very nice to meet all of you. This is, how fun. Hey, wait, wait. Extra. Yeah, right? Really? I'd like to meet him of you. This is, how fun. Hey, wait, wait. Extra. Extra, yeah, right?

Really? Yeah, sure. That's all I was telling you about. Isn't that kind of cute? Oh, hello. You are Imogen, right? I am. Oh, it's very nice to meet you. You've heard about me?

I have, actually. You've talked about me? We saw you and, actually. What are you talking about? We saw you and, yes. It's, we can discuss this at another time. This is Laudna. Oh, is this your? Yes, in fact, Imogen got me this ring. Oh, how lovely. Yes.

It didn't cost 5,000 gold pieces. Yeah, but at least she got something. So wait, you two are coupled up as well? Yeah, me and her. Yes. And then me and her. Yes. Well, that I knew. I understood. This must be like an adventuring thing, like a showmance sort of thing that just happens.

You get on the road, you share a lot, you care a lot. It's, you know, you connect in many, many ways. Yeah, to be fair, I fucking hated her guts when we first met. Yeah, she did not like me. Oh, okay. Who is this gentleman with the horns? I'm sorry.

Brayus has been sort of Brayus has been sort of standing in the back, taking it all in. His eyes keep going to Jester. Just sort of, he feels like he's seen her before somewhere. Can I help you? Oh. Sorry. Oh!

Yeah, yeah. Did you just take that long earlier? Yeah. Sorry, I was just, hi, I'm Brace. I'm actually a new member of this group, and it's lovely to meet you all. How long have you all been together? Oh, man, it's like so long.

How long has it been? Trom kind of shortens it off. Months? Longer? Oh, you're talking to, no. Oh, no. No, no, no, I'm sorry, not us, not us. I'm going to go join Caduceus. I mean the other group.

I'm making you sue, chef, come on in. It smells good in here! Damn well it does. Okay, wait, because that guy seems familiar, but I don't remember an old guy. Was he the wolf? Which guy are you talking about? Yes, he was the wolf.

Yeah, yeah, that was the wolf. He turns into a wolf and does a thing. It's a whole thing. I didn't know he was fucking ancient. Wait, he turns into a dog? Yeah, he was a werewolf, like a dog. Oh, a wolf. Oh, that might be better.

That's interesting. Yeah. Yasha, I'm so sorry to objectify your wife, but how do you work out? What do you do? Because this is such an amazing, the abs. We've all been talking about them. What do you do?

Oh shit. Well, you know, you got to keep it tight. You know, so every day you wake up, bust out a set. Squats. You know? Pull-ups. Yep. One-handies. 100%. One-handies? Dorian eases over toward Beau

and loosens his sash to the side a little bit so you can see his abs. But like... You don't really have to move the shirt. You're wearing a sheer shirt. You see him all the time. I'm going to dip off to the back of Caduceus and ford him out of here.

I'm short of a six pack there, friend. But where did you all meet? Like, what part of the world, I guess, is what I was asking. Oh gosh, I mean, you know, I mean, I'm from Nicodranas. Wildemount, some of us from Tal'Dorei. I'm from Xhorhas.

I don't know if you have ever been. Zadash. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm from north ofhas. I don't know if you've ever been. Zadash? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm from north of Zadash, yeah. I studied in Zadash from Kimorda originally. Are you from Zadash? I spent some time there, yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's right.

Cool. I forgot about that. Yeah, we went through Zadash a lot. Oh, you did? You did? Okay. At the Temple of the Platinum Dragon? The Platinum House, yes. Oh, that's right, we did go there. Yeah, that's right. We did go there.

What a fucking crazy time that was, right? Yeah. You and Beth had a good time. Yeah, we fucked that place up! Yeah, we did. Oh my gosh, do you remember? The Traveler was so happy about it. Yeah!

Get ready. Oh. Yeah. It was crazy, and we drew dicks all over the dragon. No, no, you mean you were there when you heard about the vandalism that happened. We were the vandals? No, no, no, you were not. That's gross!

You see, they like to claim other feats that are not theirs. What are you talking about? I think this nice, horned gentleman might have been at that temple at the time when those poor, unfortunate, needy artists took advantage. The odds of you two being in the same place

at the same time so many years ago and you have today, that does not seem... Astronomical. Oh my god. What if we were? It's like fate. Oh my gosh. It's brought us together.

What's your name again? Brayus. I'm Jester. It's nice to meet you. I give you a hug. Oh, oh. Did you just come? No.

It's nice to meet you. You as well. Listen, if the platinum dragon doesn't treat you well, you know, you're always welcome to follow the Traveler. What is the Traveler? What is the Traveler? He's kind of like, not quite a god, but he's kind of like a god.

You know, he's super powerful. Like a betrayer god? All these years later and still going strong. Wait, is the Traveler one of the gods that might get eaten by the? No, no, no, that's the best thing about it. He's not on the menu. Oh.

You know? What? I've never heard of this god. What are his tenets? Uh, draw dicks on things. Fair. Create a little chaos wherever you go. Cool.

Sounds pretty good so far. Basically do whatever you want. Do you have any literature? Yeah, I have a brochure, here you go. God, I'm into it. Here, would you like a? Oh, I've seen one of these before. Thank you so much.

Oh my gosh, he's going to be so happy. You should totally meet him. What's one more god? You're like, what, you're like three, four now? Just take a fifth. Oh, you have other ones? Reyes? Yes. Are you all right? No.

Suck it in. No. You ruined my life. You seem like you're doing pretty well now. You destroyed my life. Oh boy. How? You fucked everything up. Yasha pulls out her sword. Listen. I'll pull out my flail. No, no, no, no. I do have a problem.

You guys, we all have to work together. What is going on? What's happening? I don't know if I can remember. This is very hard. You're doing great, you're doing great. I would like to remind us all of the task at hand and what is at stake, we can certainly discuss.

Is at stake right now, Bryce? I don't know, maybe you should fight, see who's stronger. No, Beau, I think we're going to try and use words this evening. No, listen, listen. I don't think that you are. Do you want to bet? Are your people always this crazy?

I will admit, perhaps post-meal, a little display of... I'm going to try to charm you. I'm very hungry. Food's ready. I'm not putting it out to you all. Keep quiet. All right, you're attempting to cast Charm Person on Brayus. Brayus, go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw for me, if you don't mind. Big roll, big roll.

I'm trying to make a throw. What does that say? Which one? The two numbers on it? That's a natural 20. Ooh! So, you resist the spell and are also aware that you were almost charmed magically. What are you trying to do to me?

Just make you my friend. Jester. What? Perhaps you should tangle. That might be the fastest way to settle all of this. After dinner, because I think once we break bread, get a chance to know each other, that might be the perfect opportunity to unite ourselves in this effort.

Yeah, you shouldn't have to fight him, although you guys color coordinate really well. We do color coordinate, but that's besides the point, but you might want to have one last meal before you die. Oh, wow. She has been taking care of us. Kids, Chetney's doing amazing things with these lentils. You would not believe it.

Caduceus, where did you learn to cook? We can table this. But I will have my satisfaction. Would an apology suffice? We are about to throw our bodies on the pyre for the sake of the world. It would be good to have more people than less. What if I just say, I'm so sorry I ruined your lives?

Maybe we could help repair one of your party. I don't mean to inquire, but are you well? That's a complicated question. But no, this is a work of art. This is fine. It is. Oh yeah. Because there is a whole. Maybe, could I draw you later?

Oh, yes. I don't think that's such a good idea. I love being drawn. I've been standing on the wrong side this entire time. Would you turn around for me? Oh yeah, of course. Oh, that is fascinating. Thank you.

Look at this. Everyone keeps doing that. Hey look, Caleb, that looks like. No, Caleb. Oh you. Look at this. Everyone keeps doing that. Hey, look, Caleb, that looks like. Now, Caleb. Oh boy. You have. Hey! Looking sad.

You've gotten a message or two regarding this troop from Essek. Oh, man! You have not been able to compare notes directly since you've all been scattered with the four winds, but he did mention one individual with a very unique feature in their head that seemed to be tied unmistakably to a beacon, the Luxon, or just a deutomantic source in general. The minute you see this, you know this is the exact person that Essek was mentioning.

Caleb starts to trace his finger in small patterns on that scarred section of your head, and I use one of my signature spells now, which is Spell Mastery, and ignite the spell Fortune's Favor in you. Oh, that feels very weird. He was right. How did you come by this?

Well, that was all by accident. Long story short, I was attempting to rob somebody, fell out of a window, and then a bunch of friends just did their best to put me back together. Oh, I see. We are going to get along just fine. Yeah. Sounds right up our alley, yeah.

Speaking of Essek, when we were at his abode and there were pictures on the wall, did that include, you said there was some adventuring partying? Does Beltsalve have a vague recollection that that's a connection to Essek? Yeah, in fact, as soon as he mentions Essek's name, though you may not be present,

many of you begin to pick up the images you saw, or the portrait that you saw on the wall at Essek's house. This is exactly the same team. I'm going to come out of the tent where I was just with Caduceus, and we go, and it's like, oh man, he is great. We just figured it out, we know someone you know. Oh. Yes, Essek. Oh know someone you know. Oh. Yes.

Essek. Oh, that exact, no, Essek. We do, we do. That makes sense. That's complicated. Know him? Well, through. He was our mentor.

He helped us get around. It was Aeor and that whole insanity. He's a wonderful. Yeah. Because you, you kept mentioning, he was like, oh, my partner's busy. Was that you? Yeah. Guilty as charged.

Oh. We were in your home. It was charming, lovely. Oh, thank you. We worked very hard at it. Did you see the garden? Yes. Mm-hmm. We did. Beautiful. Yes, we're good. Also love how he floats.

I was trying to figure that out. He sure does. I started floating because of him. Because of him? Yeah, I thought it was a cool thing. Floating because of him. You are the rudestborn. Yeah, there are two of you?

You and us. I am Iswell. Yeah. What can you tell us about our foes, the people that we are? Well, I think y'all are going to fight the Weavemind, which is conscious. Good luck. Yeah.

Well, talk to me, talk strategy with me. Strengths, weaknesses? We don't exactly know. It's a group of, I think, five? Very ancient. Very old, very, very old. Rylorans, who control a lot of the population there. Wait, do you know what Rylorans are?

Well, we've heard it discussed a little bit through communications with the Tempest. Laudna just does a silent image of a Ryloran. That's a Ryloran. There's lots of different types of Rylorans, but. And I've heard it explained to me that you share some overlap or similarities somehow with these creatures? A lot of psychic abilities. Ah. share some overlap or similarities somehow

with these creatures? A lot of psychic abilities have become more present in my powers. All right. You have psychic abilities? In your head, you hear, yeah. Ha ha ha. In your head, you hear, oh, that is very interesting.

Do I hear that there's a psychic in there? If you read my mind and actually set a table, that'd be great. Yes, yes, Caleb, enough of this boring talk for now. Let's get to dinner, we can just force lunch in there. I have just one last question, and then please, everybody, dig in,

but are we staying here for the night? Because that will dictate what I do for the next hour or so. Well, where do you want? What time of day is it? It's just past, like, at this point, you guys are meeting just as the light of the sun passes the mountains.

So you're entering dusk into evening. It's up to y'all. We could spend the night here and then make our way. The portal to Ruidus is through the lake. Everyone here will be able to open up the water. So we won't have to use our powers. You won't have to face the water or anything. You just have to swim down there.

It's not that big of a deal. I don't even think we'll have to swim. I think the Ashari here are going to hold the water back. All right, I'm in. That sounds nice. There's a cave that the portal connects to that we could all sleep in there. If that's better for your spell conservation, I'm not sure.

Well, I think there's some preparation that I and my friend, and he looks to Jester, can do if we are spending a night here. But if we are going straight in, I will maybe hold back. We could eat more comfortably as well than these humble abodes that you have. I think we defer to Bell's Hells. Is there an urgency to go this evening,

or should we eat, gather ourselves? Everything these days is pretty urgent, but we're rested as your party will rest. Prepared is probably better than rushing in. The longer we take to, this is based on information we've gathered, the longer we take to set up and get in our position on Ruidus, the more of their armies they'll be able to bring over, and the people on the front lines will have to fight.

Well, then we should go. Would a leisurely dinner be enough time for your hour that you need? Well, if we are dealing with beings with mental capabilities, there are certain things that I could do for myself, for you, Yasha, to make sure that you are not boned and made of things. Yasha's super easy to be swayed, you know? Yes, very strong, very, very strong,

but not up here as much. I don't know. Sometimes it's not true. Sometimes it's not true. Sometimes it's not true. I mean, I love you, but sometimes you can be fucking pain in the ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when I want to be. And I know Caduceus is cooking,

but if he's putting extra love and care into that cooking, then perhaps Caduceus is better off. I can pack it up. That's fine if we need to do that. This is enough for you and me, Caduceus. This is so good. Oh, is the dog man already eating? Wolf!

Oh, she was talking about you, okay. Let's sit down and eat. That's fine. I didn't want to pack this anyway. It would've just gotten cold. Wow, what is this? Well. This looks good. I don't know, like, clearly you actually added some things.

This is something from back home. I've collected a few things I garden, obviously. This is lentils in a lettuce wrap. It's got a little bit of spice to it, because I know not everybody likes to eat vegetarian. It's also got some very specific cabbages and a few extra little spices that only grow. Is that quinoa?

That is quinoa. Well done. Special tea that cannot be found anywhere else, Carnelian tea. It has these very tiny flowers, very pungent. That sounds amazing. Yeah, it's a little sweet, little spicy. Where are you from? Oh, well, that's complicated. My family, we have a quiet temple. You've never been there. It's all right. You worship a god?

Wait, you worship a god? I'm blooding it now. Oh, that's cheating. What god do you worship? Well, I worship the Wild Mother. I'm a cleric of the Wild Mother, but also we are under the, my family also has ties to the Arch Heart and a tiny tie to the Matron as well. We must last two. And the Matron.

And the Wild Mother. Wow. We didn't meet the Wild Mother. Well, we did, but Orym did. We're a collective we're the collective we, the royal we, if you will. We've had a lot of visions and interactions the last couple of weeks.

Wait, what's your connection to the Matron of Ravens? Don't really have one, per se. We did literally just meet her. Yeah, we went into a pool of blood. Within the last 24 hours. I really liked her. Fought our worst fears, some of our deepest regrets, proved ourselves in a trial of the gods.

That's what we did. I feel insane right now. I do, too. This is my favorite episode already. I haven't had to do anything. Your sister's going to walk over to Brayas. Huh. Oh yeah.

I like your armor. I like your fur. Thank you. The black and white is fun. Yeah, yeah. You're a creature of faith as well, aren't you? I am. I can tell because you're scowling.

Your friend has me on edge. Oh, are you on edge? Do you need someone to maybe relax you? Oh my god! Oh no! He doesn't like us, he doesn't like us because we ruined his life. Veth, take it down 20%.

I wouldn't say that she ruined my life. Why just me? You know Veth was there, too. No, she wasn't. It was you and some fucking goblin. She was the goblin. Oh no. Yeah, it was just me and the goblin. Yes, it was just you and the goblin.

I wasn't anywhere near there. I wouldn't have done anything like that. It's okay, Veth. I know it's okay, because I didn't do anything. Here, let me settle you. I'll just, do you like booze? I've got a lot. And she'll just lead him away.

Oh! He's horrendous over here. Self-service. I'll have a talk with both of them later. Laudna's going to start eating the lettuce. Oh, yes. Wow, she's a lot. Which one? Well done on the sauce,

by the way. This? Mr. Chetney. Yeah, she is. I'm going to pull out a little piece of dried meat from my pouch and then just start breaking it off with Chetney and putting it into our lentils. Sprinkle it on, sprinkle it on, nice cold storm. It's delicious, though. This is really good.

Pulls out the equivalent of a protein bar. It does the same. She eats a lot of straps, but no, it's tough when you're high protein and a vegetarian. You're on time, you wish you had some meat in your pocket. Just a little bacon or something. That side dish is cauliflower-derived. It has tons of protein in it, but fine, don't listen to me.

I don't know what I'm talking about. Nothing beats red meat, my guy. Did you guys catch him up on everything that awaits once we go through the Waterhole? We sort of got into the moon is like this, but that's about it. Imogen is not attuned to the circlet right now and is getting a little overwhelmed by all of the thought.

Imogen or? So just like a little buzz right now? Like, I can normally handle it, but I feel like somebody here is just singing constantly. Like, singing well or singing poorly? Jester's in the car. We know who's singing. SAM and LAURA, SAM and LAURA, SAM and LAURA,

both of you. Well, wait, here's a question. Once we get to the other side of this portal, how long of a journey is it into the heart of the city? Hours, days, weeks, what are we talking about? Well, that, again, depends on what all you can do. To get across the plain, the desert, to get to the city, it was a few days, if I'm remembering correctly.

Well, not having been there, if you have some object from this city, I could shunt a handful of us there. Yeah, would you want, I've got this behemoth finger. That's pretty good. I've got this dead alien. That's pretty good.

That would take us straight down into the... You also have that figure of the little dancer. Yes. The little figurine would take us up top of Kerberos, and then the little alien baby would take us potentially down into the... Well, you are the expert on the lay of the land there, so what would be the best place for us to helo in?

Oh gosh, it would certainly be harder to hide out near the alien baby. That's where we were attacked the last time. What if we got a, do we want to be just slightly outside the gate, or do we want to get all the way in? Because there is that little outpost, and it wouldn't be hard to take care of everyone.

But we don't have anything from that outpost. The little glass figurine that Laudna took was from that weapon shop. Well, I wonder. The weapon shop is actually a really good idea. I wonder how thinned out or not it is in there, because if they're garnering all of their forces, and not the folks topside,

who just seem like regular folk, but their army, if it'll be easier moving through. We have to have the ability to sneak around. How's your group at being low-key? Yes, as a group, you're mighty, but are you sneaky? So sneaky, like the sneakiest people you've ever met. Yeah, I can insight check.

Sure, make an insight check, make a persuasion or deception, and you just don't have to say which. Ooh! Solid. What does you roll? Nat 20. Well, then you succeed, right? No matter how high I roll?

Unless you roll an actual 20 as well. No, I didn't. I rolled an 18. Obviously, are you guys sneaky? We can be sneaky. You hear and you think, you read from me that we can be sneaky. Maybe she's telling the truth.

Maybe I'm not the sneakiest person you've ever met. We also are good at creating cover as we move. Oh, yeah. We have ripped off some pretty high security locations. That's right. I have this one ability. I can make us all go into these smoky, ethereal people, and then we can just move through

this weird semi-ethereal plane, and then nobody can see. Basically, we're ghosts, but they can only do it to six people. And we can totally just drop Beau off of really high things. She just falls and never gets hurt like a cat. It's very odd.

It's really incredible. What do you mean? You don't do anything to mitigate it, like turn into a fish or something? Sounds relaxing. That's the wrong character. Yes, it was. But a good reference. And bloody noose. That sounds very relaxing.

Beau ignores that because Marisha doesn't have an answer. Teleporting in is probably the best way. The land, the sands of the moon have creatures that move through it that detect vibrations. So the closer we can get, probably the better. And I think silence is golden, because as Imogen said, there's people with

psychic abilities, and I think stealth is going to be our key. We need to link up with the Coalition? The Volition? The Volition. The Volition, yeah. Chet can teleport some of us. How many can you teleport, Caleb? Well, my entire group, if need be. Oh great, I have this. I open the bag of holy and a big-ass fucking magic staff comes out.

It's got all sorts of magic. A lot shorter than mine. This, I made it. You made that? You made that staff? I am actually a master craftsman, but I also make magic shit. In your head, Beau, you hear, he did not craft that himself.

That was Ludinus's old staff. Yeah, it looks very Cerberus-y. But you do make stuff. Who were you talking to? I was talking in my head. You couldn't hear it, because there's conversations above the table between 15 people, and then in our heads!

She's literally making the same face that we all make when we're doing good things. Oh, fair. We're on the telephone now. Right? Yeah. Also, you look over, and Laudna's sitting off in a corner, and she's starting to tie red twine to Sprinkle

to turn him into a puppet. She's just... Sprinkle has just given up and is just... Sprinkle! Maybe this is just. Sprinkle has just given up and is just. Sprinkle! Maybe this is it. Now, be nice to him. He's not dead like your guy, Follet. Oh, is he?

He's enjoying it, look at him. Sprinkle, are you liking this? Oh, he loves it, my bad. That's the most life I've seen from that weasel in years. I'm going to make the strong pitch that we prepare for a night. I know that we are pressed for time,

but what you're describing sounds difficult. And I feel like we should be stacking the deck in our favor as best we can. If we will rest for the night, I will throw up the tower and we can rest in style. I would actually say, I don't know what throwing up the tower means. It sounds weird. Getting at least across over the moon.

Sometimes it's a euphemism, but not always. Yeah, that's all of my worst fears. I think just getting to the moon for now and just getting into it, because the caverns are pretty private. Either way. Either way. And then we can sleep there, at least we're on the other side.

So we could get to the cave tonight. So there's some cover on the other side immediately. Yeah, it's a cave. And also, just in case. Then you could throw up your tower. Yes, it's an extra-dimensional space. It's vast on the inside, really quite tremendous, but has a low footprint on the outside.

I like the grumpy one's plan. I like the grumpy one agreeing with me. Are you talking about them or me? Yes. Well, I would call you by your name and tell you when you're being an asshole. Sometimes you'll call me the grumpy one. Well, sometimes I'm called the grumpy one.

Who's the fun one? You. That's me! I knew it, I knew it. I think, yeah, because just in case something goes wrong on the way there, it's just one less step for something to go wrong and a little bit of time to, you know, just in case something goes wrong, which it always does.

True, plus. Jester sits next to Brayas. He's just stewing off in the corner, and Veth has left his side. Pryas. I am really sorry I ruined your life. Are you? Yeah, I really, really am.

That was not the point. What was the point? Well, kind of to be funny, and also, you know, the Traveler was having a really hard time, and he needed a show of faith, and so that was what he wanted me to do. He was kind of ignoring me at the time, you know, so... It was... I was struggling, and sometimes he wanted a big show

of artistic faith, you know? So that's what I had to do. And I really do. Artistic? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Artistic. Yeah, I'm an art. I'm an artist.

I've seen what you do, and I would not necessarily call that art. It's more vandalism. Well, listen, that particular night, it was a bit, but I am a really good artist. Did you see when you were in Essek's house? I saw some dicks. Well, yeah, I did those, but I also did a couple of the big paintings, too.

Well, those are real paintings. Yeah. You did those? Yeah. I run an art class at Veth's camp. You do? Mm-hmm. Do you have any of your work? Well, I don't.

Yeah, I look in my pink bag and I pull out one painting. Oh. It's a work in progress, I'm still, but it's a painting of Fjord. He's kind of naked in it. I noticed that. Yeah. I was going to give this to him as a wedding present.

Is that accurate? Oh yeah. I mean, I embellished a little bit. He doesn't normally wear the crown on his dick, but. I thought it was a nice touch. It is a nice touch. It actually helps with the symmetry. Yeah, that's what I thought, but. I thought it was a nice touch. It is a nice touch. It actually helps with the symmetry. Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

It's nice. It's a good touch. Here, I'm painting this one right now, and I'll pull out of my sack a canvas that has Orym painted on it. There's still work to be done on it. This is the little one of our group. You should make his dick more present. Oh, that's not a dick, that's his sword.

Oh. It's a really good painting. Yeah, well, I guess it needs work if you thought that was a dick. Well, no, it's just kind of, it's a work in progress. It's splatter, I do a splatter style. It's more interpretive. That's really cool.

When did you start painting like this? I found my art when I was excommunicated from my church because of you. So because I ruined your life, you were able to become such an amazing artist? I guess so, yes, technically. But I also, you know, lost my purpose in life and also my fiance left me.

Your fiance left you? Mm-hmm. Because you lost your job at a sanctuary? Yes. She sounds like a total bitch. She was awesome. What was she like? Yeah. Awesome. What was she like? I don't know.

Yeah. She was beautiful and kind and nice and smart, and she loved me for me, and her name was Suzy Green. What was her mother's name? Suzy Green? Yes. Wow, that's a really nice name. She was a very nice girl. Why did she leave you, just because you lost your job, though? a really nice name. She was a very nice girl. Why did she leave you,

just because you lost your job, though? Because I lost everything. I was sort of... I came originally from this place, the Dynasty, do you know the Dynasty? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the Dynasty. I was... They don't really like us over there in the Empire,

but I was there, I was allowed to come in as a religious refugee. Port of the Platinum Dragon? Yes. Okay. But then when they kicked me out, I didn't have that status anymore, and they sent my parents back, and I lost everything.

I was sort of kicked out, and so. Oh my god. Susie said that we couldn't marry anymore. I'm very, very sorry. Do you want me to send her a message? What do you mean? Well, I could call her and tell her that you've been reinstated into the sanctuary

and that the Platinum Dragon now thinks you're so amazing and you're about to go to the moon on a top secret mission and you're one of the most important people in the entire world. I could tell her all of those things. You could tell her all of that? All of it. 25 words or less. Mm-hmm. Okay. You would do that for of that? All of it! 25 words or less. Mm-hmm. Okay.

You would do that for me? Of course I would. I mean, I ruined your life. It's the least I could do. Do you need something of hers? Oh, yeah. Do you have anything of hers that would help me? Could maybe tell me what she looks like?

I do. Okay. Oh. Or a thing of hers would be even more helpful. I have a thing of hers. Okay. It. Or a thing of hers would be even more helpful. I have a thing of hers. Okay. It's her underwear. That hasn't been washed, has it? What do they look like?

Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're big, big old granny panties, and there's an extra hole in the back for the tail. Aw. Was she a minotaur like you? She was a quarter-tar. What is a quarter-tar? Well, one of her grandparents was a minotaur, so she.

Did she have little teeny weeny horns? Yeah. Oh, that's so cute. Nub tail. Okay, so what did she look like outside of that? I got to get an image. She wore glasses. Okay.

She had a big old ass. Okay. She had a button nose and big dimples. Cute. Big, flat teeth. Mm-hmm. You know, for grinding. Yeah.

Two eyes for me, I'm Nicole. Okay. Suzy Green. Suzy Green. Okay. Is there anything specific you would like me to tell her or just build you up? I mean, you said you could tell her all of that, right?

Yeah, he'll tell her everything. All right, yeah, all of that. Who's on count? Tell her that I miss her, I think about her every day. I haven't been the same without her. I considered becoming a dark version of myself. Oh no, but you didn't? Well, I'm at a crossroads right now.

Maybe you could tell her that, too. Well, would she want you to be a dark version of yourself? Maybe it's mysterious, though. Maybe. Just tell her I'd love to hear from her, or something. Okay, how would she get in touch with you? I don't know, how does your magic work?

Well, I have to reach out. Unless she's super powerful, too. Okay. Then she can reach out to me whenever she wants to. I guess. Does she have magic? No. Oh. Just her personality. And that's we sweepers.

Okay, here we go. Suzy! Listen, I'm here with Reyes. He's a shell of a man. You got 14 left. Oh no. Oh no. He misses you so much. But he's become important and super powerful.

Okay. What about the rest? What about the rest? Hold on, I got the way. Hold on! I'm here. What the hell? Who is this? Brace, what?

Is this some kind of a joke? You get the sense she just woke up, because being dusk here in Issylra, it is early, early morning. Oh, it's like the middle of the night where she is, I think. It sounded like she just woke up. Do you want me to tell her anything else?

Everything else. Okay. I love a drunk text. This is amazing. I'm going to wake you up. I'm going to amix this. Yeah, it's probably morning. I'm going to interject that Caleb, while not close enough to hear any of this,

has been just smiling, watching from 50 feet away, and has watched the dynamic and Brace's physicality just melt over two minutes, and he smiles, knowing that Jester's Jester in the outside. Ashton is sitting right next to you, just with full tell- more, yeah, grease. Mm-hmm.

Listen, I'm the person responsible for ruining his life, but now he is strong and he's being sent on a secret mission. That's good, that's good. And you're at the front! What? The front of what?

What are you? The front of what? The front of his thoughts is what I was going to say. Why didn't you say it? I, of his thoughts, that I did say it. Oh, okay. Make a persuasion check. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Wow, Jester sucks at persuasion. Yes. Yes. Hi. Yes, that's correct. Forgot about that. For years. 10. Okay. Look, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you're trying to do,

but that was long ago. Leave me alone. How? You know, she sounded like, number one, she sounded really gross. Like, she's probably let herself go, okay? You could hear that? Could you see her, too? I couldn't see her, but I could hear it on her voice.

Was she slurring her speech or something? How would you get? It sounded like maybe she lost a lot of those flat teeth. Do you know what I mean? Oh, she was mumbling? She was mumbling. And also, she sounded maybe like

she hadn't had a bath in a long time. Oh. What, her voice made you think that? Yeah. You get the vibes. You can get a sense off of things. Doesn't sound like her at all. Are you sure you got the right person? I mean, she's a green. She knew who you were.

She knew who you were. And she was like, Oh, Bryce? Oh. But I've let myself so go. Oh, she said that. Yeah. And then when I was like, he's so powerful, she was like, oh, it's too powerful for me,

is what she said. Do I get the sense she's like? Make an insight check. And you make a deception check. Oh boy. I love all of this. A natural 20! Whoa!

There we go. 17. 17. Oh my god! She said that? Yeah. Something must have happened to her. Doesn't sound like she was so confident before. Weird.

That's really weird. Maybe in a weird way, you helped me dodge a... I want to say bullet, but it's like a projectile. I think there are bullets. A metal projectile. Yeah, there's things. There's guns here. You mean a pepper box?

Yeah, yeah, that. There's literally one there's guns here. You mean a pepper box? Yeah, yeah, that. There's literally one with us right now. It just shoots poop. That's true. Yeah. Poop shooter. Pooper box. I have a lot to think about. Yeah. Your name was Jester, you said?

It was. Thank you, Jester. Saint Jester the Pirate. Saint Jester the Pirate? Saint Jester the pirate? Saint Jester the pirate. You're the saint of your god? Yeah. He's super cool. Just letting you know. I also have a pretty cool god.

Platinum dragon, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Unless. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Hope he doesn't get eaten. But if he does, you know, you can have the traveler. I don't think, oh yeah, I know.

We're going to prevent that from happening. I think your friend wants to fight me. Which one? The big one. Oh, Yasha? Yeah, the big monochromatic one. No, no, no, no, no, she wants to just fight everyone. If they're into it, she's into it, you know? I do have a lot of stress, I could... If it's a friendly fight, yeah, Yasha? Yeah, the big monochromatic one. No, no, no, no, she wants to just fight everyone. If they're into it, she's into it. I do have a lot of stress, I could...

If it's a friendly fight, yeah. Yasha is. I'm just standing off to the side sharpening. Well, and I'm talking to Yasha. So, okay, he's a big guy. Yeah. So I think you can bob and weave underneath of him. You know? Yeah, he looks like he's probably going to move slow.

Yeah, I think so. So just pop, pop. Yeah, use his weight against him. Yeah, yeah, I could use his weight. Yeah, I think so. So just pop, pop. Use his weight against him, you know? I could use his weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going to practice the slipping that we've been working on. Hey, you guys. Okay, okay. Friars is so nice, and he doesn't want to fight anymore

unless you want to do it to release tension. Is this true? Is that true? Wow. Sometimes I like to blow off some steam, yeah. You do. Mm-hmm. You too. Little friendly steam.

Yeah, maybe. I got some headgear here recently, actually. If you don't want to... Some pads? Your head is so fucking big. Yeah, I got some pads. Are we sure we don't want to do this inside the tower? Yeah, I mean, we can.

I would love to see the inside of this tower. Wait, I don't understand the inside of the tower. Don't fight until you've had half an hour to digest. What's wrong with you? At least you take him inside the tower. We could do this after dinner, too. Which is, I don't want to force it now. Well, we're going to get to the moon,

and then we'll get to the tower, and then we'll fight. Moon Cave Tower fight. Like, Sybilize to get to the moon, and then we'll get to the tower, and then we'll fight. Moon Cave Tower, fight. Like civilized people, make this journey you're talking about. I've been eating this whole time. Yeah, same. This is delicious. Oh my gosh.

What? What? What is this? It's a cupcake. Oh my god. I know, because you never bring them. Wait, you just came up with these? I know, I like to bring them with me wherever we go,

especially if I know we're going to go somewhere where they don't have these kind of things. Do you have pastries? Ashton makes eye contact with you. This might be hell. Yes! It is other people. Oh my god.

It is other people. Like went through a portal and you can't move. This is delicious. It is. Don't worry. Size correct? I stocked up, okay?

So whenever you want, then you just let me know. We used to have a baker with us, but he is no longer with us. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, so I've really missed having a really nice, warm cupcake. Or just pastries. We should share a recipe!

I'll be like, oh my god, thank you! This is so good. I don't bake these myself, though. I just buy them. You lost your little shiny companion. Yes, we did. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. We are no stranger to such things happening.

You had people die, too. Yeah, once. When? When you were fighting in the Astral Sea? Wow. Don't sound so excited. Oh, when you were fighting in the Astral Sea? Wow. Don't sound so excited. Oh, when you were fighting in the Astral Sea. Which one of my friends told you about the Astral Sea?

Yeah, I believe I did, I was like, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah, a long time ago, many years ago. Do you think that was like the moon? I guess, the Astral Sea, the moon. Ah, it's a little unspacey to me. Yeah, we lost one of our best friends. I guess. The astral sea, the moon. It's a little unspacey to me. Yeah, we lost one of our best friends. Yeah.

I'm so sorry. In a city that was full of, all the buildings look like bodies and body parts. What city was this? That sounds awesome. Just you remember. The, the, the, the. Oh, I got confused again.

Yes! Oh! I called Noda. For three times, you got to do a lap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or take off an article of clothing. It's like strip-huggers. Three of you got to take some off.

Thank you. Thank you. But in A Strange Twist of Fate, the one that we lost sort of came back. It was a little confusing, but you know. Then again, what's not these days? Were they dead? They dead and they came back?

Yes. More or less. We do have parts of our friend that we keep just in case. You carry parts of his body? Well, his face. Oh, wait, no. Ah, you did it! Fuck. Just Molly's head over there.

Yeah, we wrap it all the time. He was the jar that we have to throw dice in. Every time we fuck up, we gotta throw it. You was made of metal. You was made of metal. He was made of metal, so it was a different, it was easier to eat. We actually went with your friend Essek to an Aeor. He was an Ae. He was made of metal, so it was a different, it was easier to eat. We actually went with your friend Essek to an Aeor.

He was an Aeor-maton. Yeah, he was an Aeor-maton. He gave his life to protect us. We still have his face. You have his face? Well, I actually, well, I think so. I think it's his face. I see.

Well, this is. Chet. Am I carrying around FCG's face? Do you have his face? I see. Well, this is. Chet. Am I carrying around FCG's face? Bag of holding? I'll just hold out the bag of holding and then you can ask for it. Yeah, I'll get it. Don't we have it? You tell me. Did you take it? I feel like we kept it.

I don't remember taking his face. Who has what? But I feel like we kept part of him in case we needed. You took it. Was it the chest part? We kept a lot of parts. Chet's wearing part of him. A face, chest, I can't tell the difference.

Shoulder pauldrons made from his shoulder joints. Which is a little fucked, when you think about it. That I can't tell the difference between a chest and a face? No, that we're wearing parts of his body on our bodies. What? Why?

Keep him with us, what do you mean? I think you would appreciate it. What'd he have on his jacket? I think what you guys are doing is weird. I mean, she think you would appreciate it. What does he have on his jacket? I think what you guys are doing is weird. I mean, she's got a point. We carried around Molly's coat for quite some time. Yasha had it. Yeah, we did.

We did. I still have it. Nice coat. I'm still doing good over here. I'm not making any mistakes. To be fair, Molly's coat is super cool. It is super cool. All right, let's get to the fucking moon. Should we do that?

Has anyone eaten? Yeah, fucking yeah. So we go through the water. Through the hole. Gonna go through the water. We bamf over to the cavern in the moon, and then we set up Caleb's dick tower. Yeah, Veth, you ready to go for a swim? No!

Oh, actually. Was this a fancy feast that we were eating? We were in what was not a fancy feast. Why not? When it wasn't? Because you're not cats. If you're worried about the water, by the way, I have the ability to make people breathe underwater. It's, you know, not an issue.

Well, I think I was. I know, but it's not time for that yet. Hang on, we got to talk to your sister-in-law. That's who she is, right? Maeve and Leta? Yeah, Maeve and Leta. Yes, I'm talking to you, Orym. Leta, yes.

Because when's the Shari going to part the sea? Maeve would probably take care of that, yeah. But if they don't, we actually have a thing called a hole. We could just open it, we could throw you in it, and then close it up and take you with us. You never have to get wet at all. That's true.

Yeah, but we just have to make sure that it's under less than 10 minutes. Yeah. You will suffocate. Because you'll suffocate. We've killed a lot of people in it. No, no thanks. I don't want to go into a dark suffocating hole. What's life without a little danger, sweetness?

Well, let's just talk to my sister. In the hole, no one can hear your safe word. Do you just not like water, or is it a effect to you as well? I don't like water in general, no, I don't. I really am curious to hear more about how you and your husband, or estranged, have this open situation. Oh, well, I mean, I don't, we don't,

I, you and I can talk about it later when we're alone or something. How about that? Oh, okay. Is your husband also a minotaur? I'm sorry? No, oh, oh no, he's not. He's a very lovely halfling like me. Oh. Yeah, he's very sweet. He's a very good fellow.

Very good, very good, sweetheart. I'm starting to feel guilty now, actually. Yeah, we're very, he's wonderful. He's wonderful. I don't have an open relationship. But your kid is an asshole, you said? Oh yes, my kid's an asshole. You don't like your child?

No, no, I like him, but I love him. I just hate him. Oh. Yeah. Just right now. I get it. Love and hate go hand in hand. He's a teenager. Oh, god. Yeah, but I love him. He's so great.

Teenage years are rough. Yeah, yeah. All right, well. Shall we? Yes. If the hells feel like leading the way. This way. Yes, well, I've heard.

Actually, follow Orym. Orym, please. Starts patting his way down towards the water, looking for... So we didn't eat a fancy feast? Imogen floats. Why wouldn't you fix us a fancy feast? A, I can't get everybody, and B, I think since we plan on spending the night there,

doing it at the very end of the afternoon. We are going to spend the night there? That's fair. Yeah, we're going to go to the tower. We're going to eat it again. It's our midnight. Yeah, we're going to go into the tower. We're going to eat again. It's our midnight snack. Dessert. Okay, okay, okay.

All right. Yeah, it doesn't take long. Once you get back to the Water's Edge, where the number of Arashari tents and the guardians of this lake and this entrance have been stationed, you find Talita, Maeve, and a number of other familiar druidic counterparts who've been keeping an eye on it.

Maeve gathering the folks around, and as they all begin to set up a position about, looks like there's five specific druids of fair enough power to contribute to this, that all spread evenly about 10 feet from each other, facing in a direction towards the center of the lake. Maeve stops a minute and turns back to you. Orym is like,

Hey, I think we might be ready to go, close to ready to go. Right, okay. Okay, yeah, no, we can get that set up for you. All right. Gather, gather. We're going to go ahead and, looks like we don't have time to practice.

We're setting them off now. Is this quick? We would hopefully wish you to travel there further quickly. You can't hold the water back too long. We're a tight group of 15. Okay, just keep it a nice solid jog. As she's talking,

Leita approaches from the far end of the water and comes up. So you're off, brother? Yeah. Yeah, this is it. Well. I look forward to you coming back, and you can tell us all about this wild experience.

I would like nothing more than to tell you everything that happens. Good. Wherever you land on all of this, you be careful, too, okay? We will. At least we'll be in familiar territory. Good job, dude. One of these guys. Yep, clasps.

Just like Dad taught us. One moment at a time, one day at a time. She pulls back, she still clutches your forearm and takes to a full standing height, almost pulling you a little bit towards the front of your feet, and without breaking eye contact, shouts over her shoulder,

Here we see off the savior blade of the Tempest, as compatriots to a mighty endeavor. Keep your thoughts, keep your luck. And keep your hearts with them. I hold eye contact and cast Gust and a swirl of air around us, and both of our short haircuts just blow in. At the top, you see all the other Ashari step out of their tents,

and everyone takes a stoic stance, watching all of you gather at the edge of the water. As Leita releases your grip, she looks to Maeve. Maeve? And Maeve goes, and just rushes out and gives you a big hug. And then lets you go.

All right, as we discussed, and we're about to practice, on three. One, two, three. And they all begin to mutter beneath their breath in semi-unison these incantations that call out to the spirits of the land. Some meander in different incantations, drawing from inspiration of the Wild Mother,

others just calling to the bound nature of this lake and asking permission to pass through the waters. And as they all culminate together, just a few seconds behind each other, you watch as this faint bluish-green energy emit from their fingers, and the edges of the water begin to curl back, almost like reverse waves crashing into nothing.

As it pulls away, you can see all manner of small crustaceans and various lake-bottom creatures skittering back to catch up to the water, but slowly it begins to split and divide to about a 10-foot-wide pillar of open, waterless lake. It is a very muddy, thick muck that greets you there, as most lake-bottoms are, but you have a path ahead in which water is not a concern. You see Beau dart ahead, and even though it is muddy,

she's just gliding along top of it. Yeah, Gett. All of you begin to gather up quickly. Yes. And head into the lake. Yasha's going to go over and pick up Veth. Come on. Oh, thank you. Although I'd rather ride him.

Yasha goes up to Brayas. Here. Oh! Slaps him on the ass. Oh! Yaa! Did you just kill me? As you all trek rapidly through the sound

of the rushing waters nearby, and the instinct to expect them to come crashing in any moment, that anxiety building within, and as you follow the path here into the dark shadow of the center of this lake, if somebody has the means of bringing some light to it, that might aid you in this journey.

None of us have the light spell. I'll summon the Star Razor and use the word Gaelasvar, and the sword commits this glowing of light. This beautiful, elvish blade, this long sword of incredible runes suddenly apparates in this half-orc's hand

and gives off this bright, vibrant divine light that lights up the space like the golden glow of a torch. And you can just see in this, another example of this strange troop among you carrying with them truth to their words and a very immediate reason as to why they've also been chosen with such a dangerous task. It doesn't take too long before you come towards

the deepest parts of the lake, sloshing through bits of the undergrowth. Oh my god, Sam. It took about a minute for him to see. Sorry, I've been in the story. Candela Live. Was that from Candela? I don't know what that's from.

It's from the Candela live show. Anyway, having to leap past all the various underwater heavy plant life and stuff, eventually, since there is no real swirling portal, instead you come to elements of rock, like deeper red rock than the rest of the surrounding stone. And there, just past a space that's barely wide enough for the largest of your troop to pass through,

is just a black tunnel beyond. This is it. Well, we got to use it or lose it. See you all on the other side. I'm going to, Caduceus is going to head down that way. All right. Why don't y'all go first? But it's instant swim, right? Mm-hmm. Right?

Don't we have to swim up at the gif? You leap in. I don't think so. As you leap in, you hit wet rock. The source of the water that normally flows through here is being held back by the druids. So right now, it is a, what normally is an underwater river that has been cut off from its source.

So it is freshly dripping all around. Is there anything interesting on the walls? Is there any, I know it's natural cavern, it's natural rock, but does it seem like any signs of unusual activity, of magical essence, of carvings, anything? Well, as you come to the portal itself, the entry that you step into,

you can feel that permanently set carving in space that connects this to somewhere else in time. These ancient portals are rare that connect two points in Exandria, or in this case, beyond. But you feel the transition. As soon as you dive in through the hole,

it's like, you feel that crossing over the threshold and then hitting the wet stone beneath. Going through with the light at your disposal, you don't see any carvings. It just looks like natural carved rock. It's like that line in the Lincoln Tunnel where it says you are now crossing into New Jersey. Imogen follows after you

and sends out her flickering dancing lights. I also have a light, just in case. Oh, I didn't know what was going to happen. Oh, no, that's really, mine's a little less. I just tap the crystal on your staff and it starts illuminating, but that's really, those are really great. Mine doesn't fly. Those are very, very, very pretty.

You all emerge from the edge of the very, very small, tight tunnel into the subterranean cavern bit and where the rest of the pool continues on into a deeper cavern to the left, where it has a larger roof space. Then there is, to the right, the rock wall that clambers up at a relatively steep angle and seems to be broken through.

In a way that it was before? In the way that you had left it. Okay. But you stand in this open space. After you all come into the chamber and get your bearings, only 10 seconds later, the water flows once more, passing just a few feet to the left of where you are,

and what was now this emptied river of water fills up rapidly and continues its long-set natural state. As the water comes, Veth just goes, and grabs onto Brayus. Wait, I was your stand-in, Brayus? Yeah. I'll take it. Caleb is one of the last one in,

and globules of amber light float in with him and begin to commingle above everyone's heads with Imogen's crackling pinkish color. Ooh, yeah. Cool. And around Caduceus' lit up staff in the center. Jeez. Disco room now. All right. If you could. Ooh, yeah. And around Caduceus' lit up staff in the center. Disco room now. All right.

Do you all know where to go, or? Yeah. We could make our way up. Are we doing the tower, though? Well, how much room do we have? It's just this one chamber, and then top side? Pretty much, and then, no, quite a few underground passageways.

Well, maybe if we could get away from the wet, that would be good for my friend, Veth. Sure, there's not a lot of solid ground from here on out. It's a lot of tunnels and whatnot. We do hit the city at some point, though, if I recall. Well, no. No, you find a large, smooth-carved tunnel that was burrowed by some creature

that you have yet to encounter, but only had visions of your first visit. And then that tunnel eventually comes to an end point where you broke through to the surface and that got you closer to the city. But then there was an extended element of traversing the open, cracked landscape of Ruidus before you reach the mountain range

that cradles the upper portion of Kraviris. So the idea would be to teleport into the city, avoid all of that desert. Would we teleport from the surface or would we teleport from here? What's easier for you? I don't know how this works. It can be from anywhere.

Here is fine. If there is a little bit more of a dry area, I'll be to head. I would prefer that. Yeah, me too. Sure, yeah. Yeah, okay. We can go into the tunnels. I'm not careful. You climb up the cliff face to the right of where you came in.

It's not an extreme steep climb. Most of that is on the other side of the chamber that you climb to even find this region. But of that is on the other side of the chamber that you climb to even find this region. But you do eventually find the larger tunnel. It is quite wide and continuous. It looks, you would think it was carved as part of the beginning of a sewage system

in its size and consistency, but also having traveled in subterranean tunnels, Mighty Nein, especially those that have been dug by large worm-like creatures in the past, you recognize this as being a natural burrow of some terrifyingly gargantuan entity. Can I make a suggestion? Yeah. If we're planning on teleporting after this,

wouldn't it be wise to do that tonight? You are correct, but is there a safe place to? I can send a message ahead to the owner of that shop. There's a basement level that we could, a cellar, that we could hide in, put the tower up. I don't know how much room you need. Oh, where they sold the weapons. You have friendly contacts inside?

Yeah. Well, that changes everything. Yeah, the Volition. Yeah. Her name. Her name is Roshina. Yeah, Roshina. Roshina was the head of the Volition. Right, but the owner of that shop, though.

The owner is J'Do, and Zesh was the Ryloran. And that's where we bought, did we buy blades there? We bought blades there in Laudna, bought the little figurine. The figurine is from that shop. The figurine is from there. Yeah, that's way better. So we could teleport to that location,

set up your tower. All right. In the basement. In the basement, and then come up and out in the morning. Perfect. So wait, we're still underground, is that correct? You are, yes. We're underground where? On the moon.

Yeah, guess what? So Dorian goes, Oh wow, this is so creepy. When do we teleport to the moon? Oh, right, we're on the moon. We're on the moon? This is it. It happened? Yeah. What didn't happen?

I missed it. When you went through that hole. When you went through the hole? Into the tunnel. It didn't feel like anything. No, no, yeah. Mighty's right, we're on the moon. Everybody, everybody, they're fucking with you. We're not on the that hole. We went through the hole? Into the tunnel. It didn't feel like anything! No, I know, yeah. Mighty Fine, we're on the moon! Everybody, they're fucking with you. We're not on the moon yet.

We're not on the moon. No. Shit. No, we are. We're not on the moon. I thought you said we were. We're on the moon! We're on the moon! We're on the moon!

We're space pirates! We're on the moon! We're on the moon! Ah! Could we just keep it down a little bit? Oh, sorry. I just really excite you. You're Oh, sorry! I'm just really excited. Selfie. You're right, you're right.

Clandestine. This is incorporation. You guys shut up. We had just a regular cave. Wait, can we have quiet for a second? Sorry. Does Orym hear any giant monsters? Make a perception check. I'll join in that.

Natural 20. Oh! Oh, nice! For a total of, that's Caleb. Heath does not have great perception. I was going to join you. 33, well. That's great, never mind, fuck that. Okay.

Robbie, go ahead and roll a d20 for me. I'm sorry, I was excited to be on the move. You better. Boom, baby! You summoned the doom. What was that at? It's not great. Maybe it's not, I don't know, it's an eight. It's an eight, it's an eight, okay. I thought you were switching in a ding for a second.

So you listen and you do hear a shifting, thrumming, bassy vibration. Like, like a. At first, you worry that maybe something's rummaging through, but you pick up on it. Because there's also the faint whistle occasion that comes with it, and you get the sense that wherever this tunnel opens up to the surface,

there is currently a very heavy storm blowing overhead. And it is causing the wind and the general interior of this tunnel to carry that sort of vibrative sound. Is there a problem, young man? No. I just think it sounds pretty stormy topside. Oh, that is something we might have to deal with. There are a lot of storms. Storms are really wild. I can help with that.

What? I can help, actually. I've got a prayer for that. It's in my name. Well, what do you mean, Caduceus? I've been working on a few things. All right. You know, I've had a lot of time to myself. That's right, you weren't with us.

With which one? I mean, you know, I have a lot on my plate as well, but. I know, I know. It's been a rough three weeks, I don't know. So to the Shelt, then? This, um. Yeah, let me send a message to... Zesh? Zesh.

Okay. Or Judo. The owner, or? I'm going to send it to Zesh. Okay. Or Judo. The owner, or? I'm going to send it to Zesh. Okay. All right. We need a safe haven. Is the weapon shop clear? Just for a moment.

Is that all? Mm-hmm. About 10 seconds pass before response comes. Things are very intense around here. It's cluttered, but should serve safe space for now. That's all. It's safe. You know what's interesting about her, Beau, is she can do a message and it's very precise.

Yeah. It wasn't the same. Just a little, just right to the point. Yeah. Great. A little less fun, though. Yeah. A little less personal. What, like that's hard or something? I could do that, too, if I really wanted to. I know.

I'm just saying it's a nice. I like the way you do it. Thank you. It's a total waste if you don't use all your words. I mean, what's the fucking point? That's right. I thought we had buried our grievances and we're good. Are we good?

We're also trying to stay quiet. Oh, sorry, I know. We just like to talk shit. Sorry, loud enough, may I see this statue? Wait, what? This statue you referred to. Oh, yes. It does make sense. Yeah, now it works.

Oh, and Chet will probably need that as well, because. Do you want to say something? No. Oh, wait, do you have a? I have the glass, Rudy. Oh, perfect. He just turns it in his hand a few times, studies it. Isn't it pretty? Hands it off to Chetney.

Yeah? Are we going now? This is a Martian tchotchke? Yes. It's got special properties. What kind of properties? Um, like when people who have psychic abilities and can use their mind, it vibrates.

Oh, actually, if they're going to the Mind Weaver, they should load up on that shit. I think it cancels out the psychic abilities, doesn't it? It does, what's it do? What was that? Look in your, yeah. I have two daggers that- What does it say on the daggers?

That sashimi wields. I would really hate for. Seems like a good use. I think so. I would really hate for sashimi. I don't have much anymore, so I don't remember. Oh wait, this is fucking Beau. Oh, I'm having, that's the problem,

but in my head, but in the, I took that out of the sheet. Wait, no, I have two tabs, but that was also Beau! Double bowtasher! Oh god! This is awful! Pop! Pop! Double bowtasher.

Oops. Wait, is it under the sky? Hang on, it's loading. All right, to what it does is it... Ring the bling for shoppage. We're on the moon! This is it. Hey, Thor! We're on the moon! We are, we're on the moon. It's pretty amazing.

Yeah. Maybe we could do our honeymoon on the moon. If we don't destroy it. Or die. Or die. Yeah. Maybe we should get married before we go fight this final battle, because what if we die in there? Do you want to do a simple ceremony in the tower?

For that? No, I want a big, beautiful ceremony. I could do a ceremony for you, if that's something. Oh no, no, Jester's very particular. She needs time to plan. Yeah, lots of really big, like a lot of dress and a lot of decorations. Yeah, but you know, sometimes people go to the courthouse,

they do something brief, and then they plan for a larger affair. I will stop talking now before she kills me. So this is Sashimi. Oh! And you see a nightmare doll puppet with a porcelain face and a weird jester hat. Awful. And Chetney has taken off her hands

and now she just has two glass blades for hands. Puppet master! Yeah! Yeah, so this is sashimi. Function. She's very pretty, but can be very deadly. So, maybe we can get you some more of these daggers, because basically, you have a chance to,

when you hit them, you have a chance to hit real good. Criticals are better. And also, if you near someone, a Ruidianborn, with psychic ability, you get extra attack power and damage. It's better. I don't think we have a Ruinous-born with us. No, but if you're fighting them, then you'll be near them.

You'll be around a lot of them, probably. Crossbow bolts with that. Wait, wait, how many are there? Well, I have two on sashimi. Could we loan them the harness? Maybe? We are also going into a home. That's right, we have to remember the next time we do that.

Could give Mighty Nein, I know it's a gamble, but maybe two of you that it's best suited for could absorb them and use it in your upcoming fight. That could, I don't know what this harness is. You wouldn't know from studying the glass. The glass doesn't carry an enchantment to it, necessarily. I mean, you wouldn't know is. You wouldn't know from studying the glass. The glass doesn't carry an enchantment to it, necessarily. I mean, you wouldn't know this.

But you would know from studying before, it has an inherent ability because of just the proximity of its creation and its origin. But it's not necessarily an enchantment that we're trying to do. It's a good thought, though. I don't know much about that.

You have disadvantage on intelligence saving throws. If you hit them. I don't use stats anymore. There's no protective resistance versus psychic, anything like that. It's just damage. It just weakens them if you hit them a little. But yeah, so check in. Maybe Zesh has something that can. Zesh rhymes with Veth!

Kind of. Wow. Except not at all. Weird, it kind of does. Are you taking all 15 of us? Or perhaps these? That's a little outside of my capability. Okay, I was just checking. I mean, I could go and come back and then just go. You shall pass!

It's a white staff, right? It could be a white staff. Fuck! Are you really a plane walker? I am, yes. 400 years and counting, I've seen many things, but none of them as pretty as you. Oh, well, I mean, so many suitors today.

Right? All right. Oh, yes. Are you single? No. Well, then no. All right, so who's the winner? All right, well, so Mighty Nein around me, and then Bells Hells. Around Chet?

Yeah. Chet. I wonder, does it make sense for us to do a little half and half? Just in case? Just in case the wolf guy kind of fucks something up. Yeah. Excuse me?

I don't know. Well, Chet, it's not a bad idea to just have like... Yes, and then you'd have to track the split party and remember who's with who at all different times. Yeah, let's do it. We'll be both in the bar. I can make this super easy. I can't believe you people don't know how to do this.

I'm actually honestly more concerned. It has nothing to do with you, Dogman. It has more to do with you, Dogman. It has more to do with Caleb, because we've never, yeah, we got this little trinket, but we've never been to the basement. I volunteered to go with the wolf. The trinket will do it, but you are an experienced mage.

Very much so. Are you not, Grandmother? How about me and the minotaur, the blue boy, the dead girl, the monk, the old man, and the green man all travel together. And then, and then, oh yeah. The big bitch and the bird. Could you say that again so I could write it down?

The big bitch. The big bitch. Yep. Miss Joke's allowed an image in. Yeah. Orym and Ashton. Don't you fucking dare. Don't you fucking dare. What?

Ashton. I was just going to say, Ashton could go with Caduceus. And Caduceus. I want a name. I want a name. Give me a name. Chef. Aw, that's really nice.

All right. Master. Wait, wait, wait. Caduceus, you were going to say something that you had an easy way to figure this out? Oh, I was thinking, I mean, the immediate notion would be. Reverse the alphabetical order.

The reverse notion would be, actually, it was difficult because it was Ashton's idea. I said, hold on, Ashton. Yeah, actually, no, it's no problem. It's really nice not to be the most fucked up in the group for a month. Both of us. One magic wielder, one healer,

and one punchy person minimum in each group, so that if something goes wrong, you at least have options. We're all going to the same place, though. If something goes wrong, though, because sometimes magic gets weird. I really like the idea of this group who's standing on this side of the cavern.

We just happen to be over here. And then we just happen to be over here, and also we'll roll with Chad. Why is it that I just disagree with you so much, but you're also, so far, the one I like most from the new people? No, I attract, I get the hang of it. You're pretty cool.

Yeah, you're all right. I don't know you very well. I hate new people. Alec is there! Oh, yeah! Alec is there, bitch! Come on, bitch, I'm fucking with you! All right, so what object are you using as your focus? The glass from the Ruidian Scythe

that I purchased from the shop. You got it. So as you hold the staff and you feel the energy siphoning, because it does a little bit of damage to you, the usage of this many charges of it. But as it does, you watch as the runes glow and the top ones fade as that magic is expended.

This side of the room suddenly feels this strange collapsing of gravity around you for a moment, almost like you're all being pulled together before space seems to bow out around you. And as it does, you're all standing in absolute darkness, if not for the currently still glowing sword being held by Fjord's stone.

And you look around you and there are all manner of boxes and crates. Most of them are empty, except for some raw glass, greenish-teal glass material. Looks like all the lids have been pulled off and some of them have been tipped over with some scattering bits of broken glass. You see a ladder that leads up to

what looks almost like a closed, like a latched trapdoor. And it's a not terribly spacious basement, maybe 20, 25 feet on each side. And with all the boxes in there, it's even more tight around you. The other half of the room. Yeah. Caleb. I am using the little bit

of driftwood art from Carmel that she gave me. Perfect. And with that casting of the spell, same, a different sort of experience, but the same outcome as you all almost feel pulled forward and you catch yourself with your foot as if you're about to fall onto your face. As you catch the other foot,

you're standing in another space entirely here, next to the rest of your compatriots in this enclosed space. All 15 of you are now pushed up around in this dark area with just the one glowing sword above you. This is a very small space for a meat-cute. This is for your standing on my foot. I'm too tired.

Well, if everyone could just back away five feet from me specifically for a moment. Where do you think we're going to do that? Just for fun, I'm going to cast Detect Magic in here. I want to see what pops up. Caduceus is Detect Magic. Nothing pops up other than the numerous trinkets and objects that you and all these

new and old compatriots carry. Yeah, just also hoping that I hit the upstairs of the, if there's anything going through the wall. All right. I take 14 points of damage from the awesome stick. All righty. Do your friends know that we are here? Yeah.

Yeah, they knew we were coming. All right, good. Caleb will push through the group and go to one wall. What's the floor here? The floor here is a rough, reddish stone ground. It's not very well hewn or polished. It looks like the basement was carved into the rock itself

and just enough for functionality more than any sort of aesthetics. So with very little room, Caleb throws his coat behind him and takes a knee and pulls out Kalyana's wand. And I put it upright and I have some pieces of granite that I use to prop it so that it stays standing. There are bits of stained glass arranged just so, and a small wooden cat. In a few minutes, you guys are just seeing the top of my head as I'm crouched over it, and shimmering rectangle just goes up one wall. And I push a door open that has come into reality.

Oh my god. And you start to see light sparkling in from a larger chamber beyond. There's a lot more room in here. I'll step inside. Wait, where is that going? I don't understand. Apparently a tower.

It's a tower, It has nine sides. Can I use my nose and get a whiff of what's coming from within the doorway? What does he smell? Fuck you. There's lots of cats. Very faintly, you smell pancakes. Very faint, though. Is pancakes the name of a cat?

No. I have a cat named Waffles, but I do not have a cat named Pancakes. Smells good. Laudna, dare me. Let's go. Dare you. Jump in. Okay. Dare you.

Full speed. Caleb is already plunking up the brass stairs to the central platform that is about 15 feet off the ground in the giant entry hall, ringed in on all nine sides with stained glass windows, each to the nine schools of magic here in Exandria. And then he begins to float. Come on, come on.

No need to delay. It's a bit eccentric. We're coming. Clip-pop. Very're coming! Club pop. Oh. Very fancy. There's a younger me that would have been so excited to steal the silverware. Oh, this is so cool. I didn't know that this was

hidden under here in this basement. We could have stayed here last time. I think he conjured it. Oh. Is this tower protruding out of the floor into the city? Get to run. Oh. Is this tower protruding out of the floor into the city? 60 feet above you. Oh, there it goes. Well, we're technically not on the moon anymore

once you have come in here. We are in another place. Oh shit. We just go down through the door that you're on. We're just on the moon. That's a little sad. Only 30 seconds on the moon? I know it's pretty meager in here, but I think the higher you go, you'll be happy.

And the bonus is you don't have to be quiet in here anymore, guys. As she floats up. This is some sort of helium wizard. Hold on. Yeah, so it's like in the center, everyone's doing the floaty thing? That's right, that's what it looks.

I don't know, I'm going to go in there. I want to Willy Wonka this. Okay, yeah, indeed, in the center of the chamber, you lift up as you will yourself up. Boom! Kick off. Now, Ashton, as you fly through, there is an irised open portal

in the ceiling of this giant room. Once you pass through, there is another hall, not as tall, but on all nine sides, there are wooden doors that have swung open all around the room, and each of them is almost set up like a cabana bedroom on the beach where there are curtains hanging out, and there's a very handsome four-poster bed in each of those rooms.

I just prepared this in a rush because there's so many of us, so Bell'selshelz, you're free to wander anywhere in the tower. We can go anywhere? Just about anywhere, yeah. Just about? Just about. Okay. Nottnick casts Spider Climb and just starts climbing all over the tower.

Did you get out of the center? Okay. I'm just sitting on the hammer for that. I just click the hammer and I'm just sitting, taking it in. It's real nice. As you go over the side of this chamber, you're above the beds, but there are grooves in the wall

and a spectral cackle's like and just flies up out of a tunnel at the sight of you. Ugh! Ugh! I go, I pick my head into the tunnel. I think you're skinny enough to fit in there. You climb in like Glomglut, squeezing through a temple window,

and you can see cat anus about 50 feet ahead of you glowing down a dark tunnel. The cat anus is glowing? Yeah, it's a spectral tunnel. Oh! Just the anus. Yeah, yeah. I missed that part, the dark stuff.

Yeah. The arcane by Holkite. Got it, got it, got it. I dislocate my shoulders to get even thinner, and then just use the tip of my fingers to keep moving. Like Bishop your way through? Yeah. A polished wooden marble run in here

and it splits off into three directions. And the more you travel throughout, you realize that these things go through every wall of this place. You continue to go. She's in the wall! Make a... Make a wall! Hell yeah. Oh no! Hell yeah.

Oh no! Hell yeah. Yeah, don't even worry about making a check. Yeah, you just start wandering through the walls. Okay, as you all scatter off to begin to wander and find your individual rooms and prep for an evening of hopeful rest before what is likely to be

a very chaotic event in the day to come. Series of events with a very chaotic crew. We're going to go ahead and take a break. We'll be back. This has been a wonderful, chaotic podcast. Yep. We'll be back here in a few minutes to pick up from this chaos.

We'll see you all soon. We interrupt this Critical Role Podcast Network broadcast to bring you news of dangerous treasures that lie sealed within the Critical Role shops. Only the heartiest of adventurers should dare seek them out. In all seriousness, though, I'm Matthew Mercer, and we've made some very cool things that we really like and hope you will, too. If you'd like to support the show, please consider visiting any of our Critical Role online shops through the shop tab at critrole.com and see if anything catches your eye.

Okay, back to the show. And welcome back. So, Bells Hells and Mighty Nein, as you've begun to wonder about the inside of the nine-sided tower, finding your various bedchambers or getting lost in the various tunnels of the walls. Is there anything you'd like to do before the evening closes?

Yeah, we should have a midnight snack. Oh yeah, I'm going to. Just in case-ies. I'm going to get the assistance of a bunch of cats, as many cats as I can get. You have baking cats. Yeah. We're going to make a bunch of cats. As many cats as I can get. You have baking cats, yeah. We're going to make a big midnight dessert. We're going to need two of them. I'm going to help you.

So this is just pastries full of them? I'm not going to bake anything, though. I'm just going to use my magic. I guess we can do it that way, too. That's fine. I just feel like it's faster. No, no. I'm not a very good cook, Adisa, so.

I was just going to figure you could bake some things I could. No, let's just get it done, clearly. Could be our last meal. Caleb, is there anything that makes musical noise in your home? Is there a? I mean, I can just wish for it to happen

and we can have it, but it is always nice. I see the instrument you are carrying. Oh, I just thought maybe if you had a canonical piano or something in this realm that makes music. Do you have a piano? What? Do you need a piano? I don't need one, but if you had one. I have a piano if you need a piano. Then I...

I'll just fucking play something! Okay! Can you make a piano? You know, Yasha plays, too. You play, too? I do. She's a very talented harpist. Really? Yes.

You all stringed instruments? Are you a special team? Yes, I can play with you if you would like. All right, so I got everybody ready. I play a whistle, but I'm really busy cooking. There is one floor, it's the third floor in here, that is a large library and salon, multi-tiered with library shelves. This is

just for you, Robbie. Yes, yeah, thanks. Library shelves and chaise lounges and different well-lit cubby holes where you can go have separate conversations or gather together. There's a big fireplace. Yes, they have soiled my tower on numerous occasions. I assume. I usually just leave for a couple hours. And there's a giant fireplace with a stained glass window above it

with the pattern of Molly Mock's coat on it. And there is a harpsichord. You can build around the fireplace, too. Molly would have wanted it. Okay. Where's Molly? To Beau, I say. Molly, Kingsley, it's a...

We'll get into it later. All right, well, it's a big deal. We don't really have to. You're going to die and came back, was a really big bad guy that we fought, and then turned into a... Oh, you got into it. Fowl-eye? Well, it's the DLDR. Okay.

Maybe they'll write a book about it or something. Really? I don't know. Pentaculous. My bone harp. The harp is made of bones. Is it? Put together and then.

Is it big or is it like a hand harp? It's kind of a hand harp. Oh, okay. There is a stunning harpsichord right next to the file for you to play. Do you know this one? Doon, doon, doon, doon, doon, doon. No, just kidding.

Ah! Ah, you are very talented, I knew it. I'll just start to play some pretty tune and see if we can drop in together. You can set up our midnight snack in here while they play. Yeah, it only takes 10 minutes, I suppose. Yeah, let's do it.

By the way, Laudna, when you crawl, eventually crawl out of a hole, you come into this one chamber that is almost V-shaped, and it is a kitchen. It has got about 100 amber-colored spectral cats in here, most of them house cat-sized, but there are a few full-on tiger-sized cats walking around with trays on,

and there are, funnily enough, red ribbons strewn from holes all over this room, crisscrossing and hanging, and there's bells hanging. And one of them just goes like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And you watch as a cat goes, and then goes up a little tunnel and disappears out one of the marble run holes. It is like the CPU hub of the tower.

There's a spaceship-series! Sprinkle, look at it! I like that you're the one who's setting up the fakers, though. Laudna, honey, they're setting up some sort of magical snack for us. Okay. I'm not sure where I am, but there's a bunch of magical snack for us. Okay. I'm not sure where I am,

but there's a bunch of magical cats. Come follow the music, because Dorian and Yasha are going to play. Okay. Okay, make a... Are you using the tunnels? Perception or survival. Yep, perception or survival check.

So last game, Robbie was like, I'm going to use my background feature, which I forgot was a thing. Okay. What's yours? Mine is that, being an urchin, I know the secret patterns and flow to cities

and I can find passages throughout the urban sprawl that others would miss. Cat city? Yeah, and then I know the fastest location. Would that count? Apply to this magical tower? Mm-hmm. Cat city. To the tiny cat back rooms, if you will?

Cat back rooms. Roll a perception or survival check. Okay. That's fucking fair. With advantage because of the feature? I mean, I don't know. I'm adjusting the DC accordingly. If you went Form of Dread into a cat demon,

would it make it better? Maybe freak out all the cats. You get the catty stuff, though. That's pretty good. That's a 15, so 22. Oh yeah, yeah. You easily, you don't even take the same path back. You hear the music at Imogen's insistence

and head slither your way through a series of new passages. Pussycat, pussycat, I love you. And pour out of one elevated hole. It's like. Yeah. Ah! Ah!

Did you find the kitchen? Oh, we decided that we're not doing it that way. Okay. We're just going to make it magic. I looked at you, Caduceus, then I looked over for Jester, but she wasn't there. It was Imogen. No. I think I can see how that would be very confusing.

But did you need me? Ah. No. I was talking to my girlfriend, but did you need me? Ah. Nah. So we're just going to magic a bunch of food? Yeah. All of my food is heart-shaped. What about you, Caduceus? All of my food is not heart-shaped.

Hmm, boring. We'll see. Maybe like a human heart. I thought your food would be shaped like a dick, Jester. I missed opportunity. To be fair, if you take one of the hearts and then you take one of Caduceus' little and put them together, it looks like a dick.

I knew it would happen. Clever. Well, anyway. What is this song called? Oh, it's an old classic. Maybe your party's bard knew it. Did you have a bard in your party, or? Oh, do all parties have bards or something?

I just sort of. You have Yasha. I mean, I don't know. Yasha plays. Me? Yes. I know it, I know this is classic. That's how I know it. What is it?

We try and keep a low profile, I feel like. It's a classic, that's how I know it. What is it? We try and keep a low profile, I feel like. It's called the Alabaster Baby. It's called the Alabaster Baby. Alabaster Baby? It's called the Alabaster Baby. It's called the Alabaster Baby. Insight check. I haven't heard of it in so long.

Oh, such an insight check. No, I remember my mom used to sing this as a lullaby before she left. Nope. Alabaster left. Nope. When I was a baby. No, I was Ashton. Oh, okay. Caduceus would know it, Ashton.

Caduceus don't care. Em! Em! Would you care to dance? Oh, me? Yes, it's a lovely song, don't you think? Well, yes, it is a classic. I know Josh. Play something slow and sexy. Oh, okay, okay. I'll jump in, I'll jump in. Yeah, Well, yes. It is a classic. I know Josh. Play something slow and sexy.

Oh, okay, okay. I'll jump in, I'll jump in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yes, one dance before dinner, maybe. I guess that couldn't hurt. And it's super horny harp music. Sure, sure. So horny. The horniest harp music you've ever heard.

Yep. You look so sad. Yes, well, it's been a weird day for me. I, uh, I, your friend freaks me out a little bit. Yeah, she does that to everybody she meets. So you have a husband? Yes, I do.

We're actually very happy. And yet you're trying to get with me for some reason? Yes, well, it's a problem I have. I don't know why I'm so attracted to Minotaurce. I mean, we're very handsome. Yes, but... I don't know. I shouldn't be doing this. Keep playing, keep playing.

I want this moment to play out. Keep playing. I feel like this is how Sam writes scripts. It all ends in Sam boning himself. Forget it, I can't do it. I can't do this. And Veth runs off. Veth, don't run too far, you need to eat something.

Oh, you're right. She comes back. See, at this point, we have a nice table of sweets. Yeah, we have a nice bread. I have, yeah, you've got the hearts. I made little moons. Little red moons, little red hearts. We got little, little, little. So cute.

Yeah, little mooncakes. Purple horseshoes and yellow diamonds? Yeah, that's right. Just a cute. Yeah, little mooncakes. Purple horseshoes and yellow diamonds? Yeah, that's right. Just a couple. Yeah, no, it's okay. So you all live here in this tower? Yeah, this is the home for the nine of us.

Well, not, I mean, when we're traveling, when we're on missions, but I actually normally live with her. Yeah, she lives with me. Oh, wow. We had a really nice little cottage in Zadash. Oh, you do? Do you have a garden situation? We do, yeah.

Yes, I attend to it. Yes. We are neighbors not too far from, if you're in my home, it was just about a block and a half away. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Yeah, Caleb and I, we're still doing a lot of work together. Sort of like work partners.

If you ever need any furniture, you know, Chetney over there is an emcee. Oh! By the fire? That's an easy way out, I see. Well, I would love to do a little exploring before bed. You're a druid, right? I can sense it on you. Yes, I am.

Okay, listen. Okay. So can you turn yourself into animals? Yes, I can. Me, too. You can? Yeah. Should we go explore? Yeah, we could turn into cats or whatever and we could go live amongst them for a little bit. Oh boy.

Oh my god. We do need our rest. We do need our rest. Because it's a long, busy day tomorrow, but maybe just for a little bit. Maybe just a little bit and then, maybe just for a little bit. Yeah.

And then you could just show me around. Yeah, but shove some of this food in your face because we need to get better. Oh, mom, oh, mom. Have fun, kids. Please take notes. So everyone who takes part in the meals here, which all of you can on both sides,

you gain this benefit for the next 24 hours. First off, your hit point maximum increases by 2d10. Who rolls? I'll say just one of you roll for both of you. Actually, you roll 1d10, I'll roll the other. Let's do that. Good idea. Come on. Oh, it's because I rolled an image and dice.

I should have rolled a jester once. What'd you get? I rolled a two. All right, we're at seven then. Everyone gets. Hold on, let me roll a jester dice and see if it's better. Seven. So everyone gets to add seven hit points.

So all your hit points are increased by seven, maximum. Not temporary. Maximum. Maximum, you know. For a day. For a day. Override. Max HP modifier? Yeah. Override max HP. Just keep a note of what it was before.

I'm just putting it in temp. It's easier. I'm putting it in temp. I get too confused. Also. Jeez. What the fuck? He's got feelings. This is confused. Also. What? Jesus, fuck. He's got feelings. This is intense. Yeah, but.

Also, for the next 24 hours, you are immune to poison, both to status and any poison damage. You're also immune to becoming frightened, so nothing can make you fearful. And you have advantage on all wisdom saving throws. Clutch, which is huge. Huge here. Caleb is also going to go over to Yasha.

Yasha, come here. Bend down a little bit, and he places his thumbs on. Bend over. Thank you, Jester. Onto her temples and slides one thumb right into the center. Into their butt. Come on, Caleb, you're going to try. Do you want to cast this?

Into the center of her forehead between her eyes, and then the other hand comes free and begins to trace lines through the air, and I cast, at 8th-level, Mind Blank on you. So you, for 24 hours, nobody can fuck with your brain, you are, let me get it up, I'm an Orm's Page. Keeps hitting on the wrong one, too.

Until the spell ends, you're immune to psychic damage. Whoa! Any effect that would sense your emotions or read your thoughts, divination spells, charmed, don't work. It foils wish spells, effects of similar power used to affect the target's mind or to gain information about the target.

Then I use my 9th-level slot to do it to myself. Wow. All right. So for 24 hours. Okay. So we don't need the wild barbarian. We don't need to fight me as well. All right, so I know that both of you are affected by mind blank.

Okay. I'm cool. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. All right. What is a... Does your group have any tricks?

Oh! Maybe. Oh, oh. Maybe. Oh, no, 100%. I start making sashimi and pate, and I'll sprinkle to a commedia dell'arte type of style play. Oh, that's really fun.

I don't think that's... It's helpful. What they meant. No, I mean, I'm entertained. Sorry, my family, be honest. Mm. Love, dear. I don't know if I have anything that lasts for a day.

Most of mine lasts for an hour. Yeah, mine's an hour. Eight hours at best. Oh. Eight hours at best. God, so fast. Ah, shit. I mean, we have things like that, but I don't know if we should use them now, because... Later, later.

Is it still the same day that Dorian sucked in a thing in the tunnel? Yep. It is. So after we wake up, we could do another one. Correct, yeah. So that will have passed by the morning, and then you could do another one. You could do multiple ones if you wanted to.

You just have to roll the dice to see if it's available. I wonder if the Mighty Nein have any things that they would be willing to suck into a harness. Nothing super fancy. It's a one a day, though, for that device, unless we want to risk breaking it. I mean, it might be smart at this point in time. That's true.

You know? I'd say one more day, personally. Well, no, this might be the last day. This might be the last. That's a 20-hour point. Is it until it smashes? Yeah, tomorrow morning we use it. So it's going to 20% chance that it costs?

Chance or goes down 20%? No, meaning each additional time it's So it's 20% chance that it costs? It's a chance or it goes down 20%? No, meaning each additional time it's used in a 24-hour period, there's a 20% cumulative chance. So 20% the second one, 40% for the third, 60% for the, yeah. Yeah. But you can try it. It's always a vote.

You know, Caleb notices that way 100 feet away across the salon, the little halfling fellow is sitting on a chaise by himself. He's oiling his sword over there. So I walk over, and I take out a sending stone, and I knock it on a wooden railing. You're awfully far away. Oh. It's sending stone, and I knock it on a wooden railing.

You're awfully far away. Oh. Yeah, just a lot to process. It is indeed. You know, over the past few weeks, I tried to use this to reach out to you. I did the same, actually. It never worked. Yeah, well, magic has been a little bit temperamental

the last few weeks. You know, I'm tempted to ask you if you're all right, but I know that with what everybody's dealing with tomorrow, it's a with tomorrow. It's a silly question. You should probably be with your friends. Yeah.

I just, yeah, I don't want to burden them. You know, not that wisdom is synonymous with age, but I have been around this flat earth a few more times than you. And I can see you shouldering it. And it is harder to do I can see you shouldering it. And it is harder to do if you don't tell your friends what's on your mind.

Yeah. It's so much I don't, they're all dealing with enough on their own. They don't need it. Well, that is foolish talk. Or I'm on the air, shall we? Maybe you and I are not going to see another 48 hours, if not now. When?

Anyway, don't mean to talk your ear off. Go and get something to eat before it goes bad. Stick to the pastries. Laudna goes up to Beau. Hey, Beau! Beau. Beau! No, and she walks away.

Jester is feeding heart cakes to Dorian while he's playing. This way you can still keep entertaining and you don't have to lose out on the hero's feast because it's really good for you. Mm-hmm. All right. That's delicious.

Well, Ashton is going to be taking mooncakes over to Yasha, and also just offering so that you can keep playing. Get that out of my face. Cool. I'm going to put it in my mouth. I have a question, if you won't mind. We'll finish your fucking food.

You're getting crumbs all over my harp. How did you snag that? Because I've been trying to, I don't know, I've been trying to hook up with this girl. I've been completely off my game. I don't know what's going on in my head. I've been freaking out. But you shouldn't have enough game for that,

and yet here you are, and you have so much confidence. The fuck? Listen, I am not the person to ask. I have zero game. But how did that happen? I don't fucking know. And then Dorian just plays, Wack, wack, wack, wack.

I take some of the half-chewed mooncake and I toss it at you. You need to have some advice on how to get with that person. Yes, she's the one to talk to. Because I could give you some advice. Fuck, I'm desperate, okay. Tell me who it is.

Is it in this group? Is it in this room? Or is it me? Do any of us know anybody else at this point? I don't know. I don't know you. I don't know anybody else other than these people. Okay, let me guess. Okay. Is it the little old man?

We've already had a tour at a fair. It didn't end well. Okay. Is it the dead woman? Dead woman. Dead woman. No. No. Is it the girl with the purple hair? No, no, no, no, no.

What about the big furry girl with the horns? Horns are pretty sexy. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. Okay, it's her? It's Kessira! Come on! Tell me everything you've done. Have you told her how you feel? I have. I mean, I fucked up some shit,

and there was a moment, and then everything fucked up. I fucked up really big, is what I do. Because I'm no good at actually maintaining reasonable relationships with people. I'm a self-sabotager, I'm well aware. I need more to drink. Well, I think you're very charming. I'm really not, though, but thank you. You are also crazy.

Thank you. You're welcome. I mean it as a compliment. Okay, so she's super hot. She's got big boobs. Yeah, that's fair. I mean, you know, I'm, you know, that's, I like all sorts of. You're not into her books? I love everything. I'm a big fan of everything. Okay. I like hot. Definitely hot. All right, she's very hot.

Yeah. Okay. I mean, I wasn't going to say anything, but I noticed. She's really hot. Well, I actually brought that up. I saw it, I saw it, I saw it. No, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Have you written her a lucky love letter? I mean, it's really not, I'm not that kind of person. I don't know, and I don't think she's that kind of person. I honestly, I just want to, I just want to see where something goes, but I fucked up so bad in the beginning. I'm going to give you a copy of this book. You are?

Listen, it's a great guide on how to woo somebody. It's called Tusk Love. It's got a lot of what girls like, even though they don't like to admit it, you know? So there's two ways you could go about this. You know my fiance over there? He's so romantic. Fiance!

He's hot. He's super hot. He's super hot. He's super hot. You were like, okay, so he didn't used to dress like this. This is how he dresses now. Well done. No, you fixed that. Yeah, look at those nipples hanging out.

No, it's really... Listen. Like, that could cut glass with that. So when he first kissed me, he was super shy about it, and he was like, Jester, can I kiss you? Yeah, no, no. And I was like, okay,, can I kiss you? Yeah, no, no. I was like, okay.

It was super romantic. Another way you could do it, though, is just go up to her, grab the back of her head, dip her over and just plant one on her face. She's a bit taller than me, so actually that would require some sidestep, but I get what you mean. But you're super strong, right? I'm very strong. I mean, yes.

You could go up to her. Just put your face in her boobs, because that's where you are, right? I'm a little taller, but I mean, honestly, I can just bend at the knees. I think this is a great plan. Yeah, no, again, it's... And then say,

You are my everything. You're my heart and my destiny. I can't imagine myself without you. I mean, but I can, but yeah, I get it. You light me on fire. That's fair, that's actually very true. She has, a couple times, actually lit me literally on fire. Whoa. Yeah.

And then, you know, if all else fails, just tell her exactly how you feel. Oh, fuck. Be honest, because that usually works. That doesn't usually work. By the way, I got to say, that pamphlet was really good, and I appreciate the little maze at the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you have to

get from the beach all the way to the volcano, and then you get the golden deck. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Oh, here. You have more? Well, I have more pamphlets. If you want pretty cool. Yeah. Oh, here. Yeah, do you have more? Well, I have more pamphlets. If you want to pass them out, I'm more than happy to give you some more.

But no, this is just a little dick. You can prey on it whenever you want to think of the travel. I feel like I already have a dick to prey on, but I'm into it. All right. That went well. Fjord!

You light me on fire! I come and I tip him and I kiss his face! Then I lift up and I shove my head in his chest. Oh! I told you these shirts aren't big enough! Woo! Yeah! You are so sexy!

Fire! Love it! Somewhere a patch of Henry Crabgrass just died. 132nd generation. Fearne has been in the other room, and I have turned into a cat. Just a white, fluffy cat, but also a Scottish Fold,

so they have little teeny ears. Oh, so cute. So I come in the room. Caleb clocks the real cat immediately. Looks for Jester, goes in between Jester's legs, and goes out the door. Oh! Oh my gosh, Caleb!

Forward, my darling. Poof! And I turn into a little blue cat and follow him. No, it's not, no, it's not! Oh, fuck! I'm allergic. to a little blue cat and follow him. No, it's not, no, it's not! Oh, fuck! Logic. I can't turn into a cat. I'm just going to, yeah.

They're adorable. I want to go to where we're not allowed. That does exist here. Yes, and I feel like Jester will take me there. I twitch my tail. We just wrap our tails around each other. Okay, and the two of you go wandering off in your cat forms.

Caleb, do you care, or let them wander? Well, they could go anywhere they want in the tower, but eventually they would reach a floor where the, so each of the different floors of the tower, there's a brass irising open and closed shutter, and you reach a floor where that shutter is closed. Mar-row, mar-row, mar-row. Mar-row.

We're going to try to figure out a way to get up into it. Yeah. How? Or a cat. Yeah. We're going to look for little doors that go into the wall to see if I can find a cat door that opens up higher than where we are. Okay. Go ahead and roll a perception or survival check for me,

if you don't mind. Okay. Can I deny it's a true? Sure, yeah. So you get a roll advantage. Okay. Can I deny it's a true? Sure, yeah. So you get a roll advantage. Okay. Okay. 19.

19, pretty dang good roll. Caleb, are there any pathways? They ceiling off on this floor. I know. Well. Well. We can't talk to each other when we're polymorphed, right? I know.

You can't use your voice. You do find you can get into, well, you can't get into the bedrooms because the bedrooms all have little latched doorways so that the cats can't just invade uninvited and Scanlan can't crawl through them. I'm thinking in advance. Your son.

Your son is your son. We get into Caleb and Veth's laboratory. They have a shared laboratory. Okay, we'll do that. All the kitchens. Yeah, there's spells. There's a magic workshop and laboratory to fuck with if you want. Okay, I feel like we would go into the laboratory

and just knock things over. Uh-huh. Just 30 minutes of. King, king, king. Nothing but eye contact between the two of you. Oh, wow. Aw. That's so funny.

While we fuck around, Beau goes and finds Fjord after they've left. Yael. You doing all right? Oh, fucking cats, every time. I'm sorry. I know. I just always think we'll come back and it'll be schnauzers, or I don't know, weasels.

Well, there was that one time that Caleb let me turn them all into dogs for Yasha. You know, I kind of, don't tell him that. Don't tell him this, but I preferred it when it was dogs. Oh, I would also throw my hat in that ring. Yeah, he was very stubborn about it, to be fair. A tiger walks by. Jesus.

What is the function of that? I don't know. It sure feels unnecessary. It does. I give him a little bit of whiskey, kind of like a hot toddy, warmed up whiskey. Thank you. Very considerate.

What do you think about these kids? Think they're going to make it? No. I think that this is the definition of cannon fodder. Yeah. Yes. I mean, obviously, they're meant to break the way as a diversion, and then we, you know, do our thing. Yeah. I was wondering that.

You think they're literally being put forth as bait? I mean, it seems like they were drawn at random. The one old one, the guy made of rocks, the big lady. I mean, you know. Yeah. She has pink hair and purple lightning going up her arms. I mean, where is the... Cohesion? Yeah. No, that's fair.

Yeah, I think they all might die, but... Put them there. I don't know. all might die, but... What might happen? I don't know. If they die, what happens to us? Are we supposed to go in and fucking back them up? That was not part of the arrangement. No, I don't think so. I mean, I have to admit, they do have a nice vibe,

but I think our task is different from theirs. I don't know how we can be focused on ours and then keeping an eye on them as well. Oh. Well, you know, we're top brass. They're a fucking grab bag that you can get at Taste of Tal'Dorei. Chumps, yes. Yeah.

I've never been there, by the way. You've never been there? No, you keep saying out through the air. They just opened one in Zadash. I know. You've been on the river, or fucking the ocean, for too long. That's true.

They don't have any out in the open sea. No. All right, well, next time you come by, we'll go. It's real dumb. Do you think we need to buff them in some way? Give them a handout? I don't got shit. I think besides what Caduceus did.

You can't teach him some moves, like a fucking hook kick or some shit? Over fucking night? If they try to get into hand-to-hand combat, the best thing they should do is just go fetal. You'd be, frankly, irresponsible to try and put false hope in their head. That's true.

The little one with the sleeve, though, I mean, he looks like he could hang. Yeah, no, he's cool. He's all right. Anyway, well, I just think, you know, we're aware, if anything, you know, I just care about us, I care about Mighty Nein, and they're a fucking liability.

So shit goes wrong. God, I'm such an asshole. I mean, yeah, but it's a fair point. I mean, are we here to babysit or are we here to take care of our job? It feels like babysitting up until a certain point. Well, maybe they've done something to earn this sort of trust.

I don't know. I can't imagine what. Yeah. Maybe it should be us fighting for Dothos, you know? Why isn't it us? I hadn't thought of that. Why isn't it us? I think because we were all Rurudis-born.

Are you Rurudeus-born? No, were you born under a moon? No. Fuck. Oh. Maybe we, maybe we, maybe we should keep an eye on them. We could bribe one of them to join our side.

You know, the one that's like a deer, she seems pretty pliable. With the hooves? Yeah. Yeah. Eager, almost. I feel like I could give her a sucker and she would come over with her thing. Yeah. That's true.

All right, well, ultimately, if things go tits up, I just want to make sure that we're aligned. We're team focused. We're team focused on us first. Yeah. If things go bad, our own people first, and then if we can help them, fine. Yeah, I mean, we take care of our part of the puzzle,

and then if we have to clean up their part, we do that next. We'll assess. All right, I just want to make sure. Really hope they don't die. Do you have any more of that hot honey? Oh yeah, here. I'm going to go get some honey.

Thank you. I'll be right back. Excuse me, Mr. Pockerby. Are you sleeping? Grandfather, are you? I'm so allergic to cats. I can barely breathe in front of this fire. Is there anything that I can get for you?

Anything? An EpiPen. Like a quill? What your cats can't buy was making biscuits in my ass. Listen, this is a little embarrassing. I didn't want to lead with it, but I am very honored to have you here. Oh my god!

Oh my god! You just cracked one pile of beer. Wait, wait. What do you mean? I didn't want to be too forward about it, but when I was a child in Wildemount, my parents used to take me once or twice a year into Rexxentrum, the big city,

and we could never afford to buy them ourselves, but I used to stand in the windows of the toy shops of Rexxentrum and look at your work and dreamed what it would be like someday to own a Pocky original, and I was never able to as a child. But now I am not a child, and I have several of your pieces upstairs

in my personal chambers, and it is just a great honor for me to meet you and to work with you in this way. You do not. You have some of my people. Tell me your name again. My name is... Caleb Widogast. Caleb Widogast. Yeah. It is a pleasure to meet you.

You have a keen eye for craftsmanship, I can tell. This is your place? It is my place, and I can honestly say that when I was a child, you lit a little spark of imagination in me that I don't think was quite there that has grown into such as this. So.

That means more than I can say. Vielen Dank. Vielen Dank. I had an idea to commemorate this evening, and he pulls out this large wooden shield, like this big. It looks just like a shield, but it is carved just out of wood. I happen to have this in my workshop,

and if we could commemorate this evening, if we all live past this, wouldn't that be something? And I thought perhaps you could emblazon it with the words Nine Hells. But one thing is very important, you spell it the right way, so not the, our name is a bit of word play, not the number.

I start to carve. N-E-I-N. N-E-I-N. Got it. Hells. To Zemnian, for no, so Nine Hells, like your swords are. With an S or is he? In your group? Yes.

You have to tell me. I just figured Zemnian would be wiggity. Wiggity? Bells, bells, Chet, bells. Nine hells. Hells with an S, we're hells. I mean, if you want to be boring about it. Technically, technically we're bells.

Nine hells could be very Zemnian. Because hells is the possessive. Technically, technically we're bells. Nine Hells could be very Zemnian. Hells is the possessive, so we would be the bells. Because Hells bells, the bells belong to Hells. It will be done with the greatest of filigree and care. And if you wouldn't mind, maybe even some representations of our group. That is too much, but please do so.

Nine Ls with a Z. So wait, is Ls' apostrophe, the have of an apostrophe? Have we never synced up on this as a crew? No, Bells was a... Bells is the apostrophe. But it's just such a bitch to write the apostrophe. We never had it printed on jackets.

Oh, yeah, never mind, scratch that. Yeah, we never did write it down, did we? Yeah, we just say it. Or someone else wrote it down. Did we ever write it on any of those contracts? Maybe that's why no one ever calls back. Oh yeah. I'm already just starting to

like a fucking 3D printer, just go on and shit. 10 bucks he's dead by morning because of this. This might just be the last thing he can do. The irony would be just too heavy. I never leave an invoice unfulfilled. Oh shit! No. But Chet is real old.

Yeah. Real old. Many years of bringing joy to children of Exandria. That's right! I made many cat pieces. And if he dies early enough, the cats can start feasting on him, and he can bring a lot of joy to cats. I can hear you, Ashton!

What, so you make toys or furniture or something? All sorts of things. Well, anything. But the greatest substance known to Exandria. What? Are you a sea popper, Caleb? With a grasp. I am unfamiliar with the term sea popper.

They're a fan group of Chet's that we've recently discovered. Oh, no, collectors. I didn't know there was a group. Do you have some of the pieces? I did not notice. Caleb disappears up a hole. I was just like, oh, no!

That's funny, I've heard you say the, say sea popper, hello. I did not notice. Caleb disappears up a hole. I was just like. Oh! Caduceus walks away. That's funny, I've heard you say the, say, C-pop with hello. Caleb. Caleb, he, I. Caleb has the fifth egg. Wow! There are some eggs up there. Flying one right now.

And he returns, he's got a small wicker basket with things, and a blanket inside with things gingerly placed, and he says, I don't have many because they're hard to come by, but I have this, and he puts out a little wooden cap, and he touches its tail, and the fog goes like this on it. And then he puts out what looks like a big,

on two legs, lizard with a huge tail and a big open mouth roaring. Then he places out a big wooden gorilla, and that one just goes like this with some sort of latch on the back. Then he places out a wooden egg. You know those are really rare. Holy shit. I am very aware.

The last guy we met with, one of those, kept it locked away in a big, magical safe. I keep mine in an extra-dimensional space. That is incredible, and I reach for the lizard. I remember this very well, and I reach under the Bag of Holding, and I take out an alligator that has a very flexible tail and a mouth that hinges.

There's a whole evolution of these. Would you mind if you took the new one and I took a little bit of the old? It's history for me. Of course. Nathalish. Wait, I feel like Fearne wants us to, did we come back in? Sure, we batted around things enough. I mean, we've batted around things enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that strike two?

That was strike two. What? Strike two. Oh, also, just a general announcement. You're a good guy. Is that strike two? That was strike two. Huh? What? Hmm? Strike two. Oh, also, just a general announcement. You're welcome to travel the tower, but if you go into my study, please, someone has been up there and knocked things all over the place.

What? There's very expensive materials in there and very fine paper. Oh no! Oh, it doos have a thing! Maybe you know what it is, Caleb? It's probably every time you build this place, it shakes a little bit, and you need to lock things down a little bit.

Also, you have so many cats walking around, so I'm sure that's just fun. Cats like to do that sort of stuff. Yes, that is how it works. You have an egg. Yeah? Are you familiar? Are you a? A seapopper? Seapopper?

Yes, I am. May I see it? Yes, but please be very ginger with it. I'll be so ginger. Please. So ginger. Something tells me you might not be ginger. I have not given it to you yet. I'm still holding it. I'll just hold it.

Please enjoy. Thank you very much. In your head, you're going to hear, now, if that's important to you, keep your keen eyes open. I am using my Ring of Telekinesis and saying, I am already holding it with telekinesis. Should anything go amiss?

I'm going to try to steal it. Make, okay, first make a sleight of hand check. Wow, this is so cool looking. Oh no. 10. She'll also have to make a strength contest. No, okay. So make a strength contest. No, okay. So make a strength check for me,

and you go ahead and roll and add your spell modifier. Roll that. Right, right, right. Okay. It's the modifier, right? Correct. Yeah. Oh, not great. What you got? 16.

14. 14. So Fearne, describe how you very poorly steal this with nobody noticing. As I stare at you. As I stare at you. Yeah, as he stares right at you. And it puts up resistance as it is being psychically held,

but you still manage to muscle it free from its spotted space. I just am like, I have to go to the bathroom. Where is the restroom? As you do, it's like, where's the restroom? I pull the egg toward me. I couldn't help but notice that you put

my very priceless Pock-a-pee heirloom into your bosom. Shit. Would very much like to keep it, if that is okay. I would, too. That's where she keeps all her favorite things. What if we die? It's all I want. I mean, you're probably going to die.

What? Okay, here. probably going to die. What? Okay, here. Here's your egg. Fearne, if it means so much to you, I could make you your- I want one of the five. They're collectors, clearly. But if you want to make me one, you can't. Oh, fuck that.

I want the OG. It's fine. Maybe there's a way to find one of the other three that we haven't found yet. You know, it is also highly likely that this is a forgery. Caleb flies up into the dark. Fine.

Well, I got it. Well, yeah, it was... Caduceus is going to... Okay, I'll do Caduceus now. Go ahead, go ahead. I don't want to see this shit. Oh, hello. That's actually not bad. This game is a gift that keeps on giving.

I know, I can't help it. Caduceus wanders over to Brayus. Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah. Moo? Sure. I get the sense that you are probably, possibly the token man of faith in your group.

We've all been wrestling with faith. Well, not all, but some of us have been wrestling with various forms of faith. If you don't mind me saying so, I've been observing you and your group of friends. I can feel your conflict. Oh. I can see that you are clearly wrestling

with a few things. Well, I've always found that consulting with another person of faith when one's faith is in question is a very good way of settling things and getting a clearer insight, and especially considering what we're about to do. This is a poor time to be conflicted.

I agree. The gods don't make things easy, do they? We don't make things easy, do they? We don't make things easy. True. I guess the thing that I've been wondering, trying to figure out for myself, is if you're not given a clear sign, how do you know that your faith is

directed in the right direction, I suppose. I've found that people come to faith in a variety of ways. And sometimes it's because they have a question, and sometimes it's because they've found an answer. What brought you to yours? What is the place where your fulfillment is found? Do you still worship the platinum dragon? Yes, I do, in a sense.

In a sense. Yes, well, I felt betrayed by the platinum dragon and found solace in my grief and anger in another force. Well, there's no judgment here, so. But now I've met these people, beings, and everything that they have shown me about themselves and their hearts is pointing me back to the dragon. It's almost like what I thought was,

what I was so certain of and what I was so sure of is coming into conflict with reality and the people that I've met. I guess I don't know whether to believe my heart or to believe my friends. I'm surprised they're two different things. That is conflict. I'd say sometimes we can get caught up in the question and stop looking for the answer. Why me is a very common question that most people don't want the answer to. Sometimes that answer is because we made the wrong choice or the right choice at the right time,

and sometimes that answer is because we are at the mercy of the winds even more than the gods themselves. Maybe it isn't the platinum dragon that failed you. Maybe it was people, and that's, I think, much harder to get comfortable with. That's very wise. Oh, I have my moments. Unrelated, you seem like someone

who would know the answer to this. I might. Is Fusaka good? Make a history check. All right. 18. 18? You know exactly what Fusaka is. Well, there's certainly an argument for it.

I think so, but I'm often told that I'm incorrect about this. Just, we've been undergoing a lot of stress lately. Seems like you could relieve that in some small way. Who are you pledged to? I don't know anymore. What are the options? The options are good and bad, I think.

Good and bad. The options are what you need. What did you think you need? Why'd you think? Try some honesty. I can help if you like. Do you want to try some honesty. I can help if you like. Do you want to try some honesty? That's so new. I guess I found my path to

Asmodeus. I've heard worse. From, I was in a place where I was tossed aside and devalued, and he gave me strength, purpose, power. Yeah. It felt good. That's a good place to heal sometimes. You just don't want to get stuck there.

I mean. How do you know when you've healed? When you realize it's time to leave. Is it time to leave? Oof. Is it time to leave? Oof. I don't know. I've been in four different planes of existence and two different planets in the last four days.

When I first met these people, my people, I was a new addition, and it was vertigo-inducing. I nearly threw up several times, panicked, thought about going home, panicked. But eventually, I figured out I was just what they needed. You were what they needed. Yeah, and honestly, they were what I was just what they needed. You were what they needed? Yeah, and honestly, they were what I needed, too. You think that maybe there's a chance

I'm what they needed? I do, quite a bit. In fact, I have quite a bit of faith in it. Hmm. That's interesting to think about. Oh. You smell nice. Thank you, this is actually,

I grow this at home and press it into an oil. I've got a bottle of it. I'll take it, sure. Oh yeah, no, please. Just behind the ears? Yeah, I do a little wrist, too. Wrists? Yeah. All right.

It's a pleasure to be fighting alongside you. You too, Caduceus. And I will say for now, Paladin of the Bell's Hells. You can figure the rest out later. Paladin of the Hells sounds great. Which one remains to be seen?

Well, there's quite a few of them. Cheers to that. All right. L'chaim. All right, fuckers. Yep. Got a busy fucking day tomorrow. Dorian, you can stop playing now. I'm sorry. I was startled by the profanity.

I wasn't going to stop until you stopped, so. Oh yeah, yeah. Thank god. End it on a strong note. In three, two. Oh fuck, chocolate chip. Everyone should get some sleep. You guys are fighting Ludinus Deleuth. It wouldn't be the first time.

Yep. We just see him all the time now. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of obsessed. Yeah. It's weird. He's a bit of a prick. Yeah, we've noticed. A powerful prick.

Just watch out for him. He's been around a long time. Yeah. We've done a little research. Caleb and I have been watching him for... Decades. Decades at this point. And you didn't catch on

that he was trying to unleash a moon god? Be nice. Sorry. Well, we caught on. It wasn't the what of what he was doing. We knew he was doing something. Just didn't have all the context. It's funny what several centuries of planning will do for you.

If anything, it should just go to show you how tricky he is. Just watch yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll do what it takes. Whatever it takes. Just really cute. All right.

I'm going to go to bed. Come on, babe. Were you sleeping? Yeah, we saw you from across the tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like your vibe. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. We saw you from over in campaign two

and we liked your vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that would be the last night in the world. I'm just saying. That's fine. Good night. But seriously, though, I am. No, I can't go. We're on the seventh floor.

Y'all are both hot now. All right, good night. Is she trying to move on your girl? I think she is. Why am I not included? I don't know. You are too. What? If you knew how many taverns I had seen that little scene play out. They have the vibe.

Fearne, sorry about your egg. Fucking shit. I just want to start my collection. I want the real collection. I want all five. All five? Yes. Fucking Thanos over here.

I am a collector. Like, you tell me there's a collection of something, obviously I'm going to try to get every single piece. If you get all five, you can instantly kill Ludna. Yeah, probably. There's probably power in having all five eggs. We don't know. Earliest egg commissions was for the Unseelie Court.

Was it? Yeah. Shit, we should have fucked them up over there. Shit, we were just there. I'm just saying for later. At least they're local to Grandma. Okay, I'm going to write that down. Earliest egg was commissioned for Unseelie.

Okay. There's a future Bell's Hells one-shot that's just the search for eggs. The quest for Chetney's eggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should check with your dad tapestry and see if maybe he commissioned an egg for you. What if your dad commissioned an egg for you?

What if he did? I think you have to GM that. Oh, that could be the start of a game. What if one of the eggs is yours already and you don't even know? That could be the start of our healing. Was it Lord Sephuda that commissioned it? Do you know?

No. Who commissioned it? It was a while ago. I'd have to check my records. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, it's fine. I just really, I like the eggs. I don't know what to tell you. You want to go work off some frustration?

Sure. We're in the Umber Hills. Sure. All right. Night, y'all. Oh. We forgot to fight. Night, y'all. Oh. We forgot to fight. Oh, we didn't forget.

Hot. But it seems like everyone's going to sleep, so. Yeah, well, I'll see you. I'll call this a forfeit. Excuse me? Yeah. I don't need to go to bed. Oh, I don't need to go to bed.

The room that I outfitted for the Hells to sleep in can be used as a fighting arena as well. Oh my god. You hear doors slam one level below us and then open again. Babe. Come on. Babe, come on!

Babe! No! Oh, sorry. All right. There's always time for tomorrow. There's always time, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. So a nine?

We can't heal. The door is slammed again. Tomorrow. Forfeit. No. Forfeit. No, tomorrow. Forfeit. No. Ooh. No. Forfeit. Wait. No. Forfeit. No, tomorrow. Forfeit. No. Ooh. Forfeit.

You better go. No, forfeit. No. You better go, you better leave. You better go, your wife's calling you. You better leave the room first. Go on. Babe sex. You better work out right now. Babe. Your wife's calling,

you better go. Babe sex. Better forfeit. All right, all right, all right, all right. Is that all I got to do? You still win in this fight. Babe sex? Babe sex? Yes, that's usually all it takes. I mean, I like a little bit more, like a gentler approach, you know?

Yeah, it doesn't seem, I don't think that works for us. Could you imagine me, babe sex! That's not good. Shut up. It's not befitting, you know. So anyway, you want to? Yeah, okay. 100%.

We might die. Mm, all right. One by one, you all begin to scatter off to your rooms for the evening. What could possibly be the last evening of the world? I'm interrupting. Mm-hmm. I knock on the side of the door that Laudna and Imogen are in.

Okay. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to intrude. I was wondering if just for a moment I could borrow Miss Temult. What? Why? What? Why not me? Is this a moon thing?

Yard is a moon thing. Can I come? Yeah. Babe, you don't have to go with him. No, she does't have to go with him. No, she does not have to go with me. I do actually want to hear what he has to say. All right. Can I come?

No. Okay. All right. So I walk to the center of this big room with all these, again, it looks like bungalows in a ring, this sort of procurement room. We begin to float up, up, up, up through the tower, past floor, after floor, after floor. Eventually, we reach a small room

with a sealed iris above it, and Caleb looks up at it and says, Vagabond is forgotten. He goes, and opens, and he floats up past another room with nine doors all in a ring inside it, in a very small vestibule, and... You come up with all this yourself.

Yeah, I had a lot of time to think on my own. And the final iris opens, and I float up in there. You follow? Mm-hmm. And we enter. It is like we have left the building, and we are floating, the three of us, in a infinite dark space with wafts of galaxy and star

and motes of light moving all around us. You make a perception check, both of you. galaxy and star and motes of light moving all around us. You make a perception check, both of you. Okay, Dungeon Master. I don't want to do this otherwise. Okay, perception? Yeah. 20, wait, 21. No, that's not much. 15.

15. Laudna, you only can just barely see the thin outline of a nine-sided wall around us, and this sky is an illusion stretching out in what looks like infinity, but you can just barely make out the geometric shape of the actual room that we are in. As each of you turn, and Caleb as well,

you see 50 of your arm and hand moving, and you see multiple Imogen tumults. Ooh. And 100 loudness. Oh, that makes me nauseous. Tomorrow, there are many possibilities. Mm-hmm.

I know about you, Miss Stamalt. What about me? I know who you are. I know about your mother. I am aware how close you are to all of this. I've spoken to the voice of the Tempest. Lady Vysoren, others. We know how on the edge you are in this moment in time.

A little bit I can understand your position, just a little. And it is probably impossible to know which of these 50 different directions you will take tomorrow. But when the splendor of reality is before you and so dizzying, all you can do is focus on your own heart and the ones around you.

Verstehen? Fjord, do you understand? I don't pretend to know what is the right thing to do tomorrow. This is unprecedented. These are unprecedented times, and I have lived through unprecedented times, and this wipes that board clean. Follow your heart.

Power is an illusion. Says one of the most powerful guys I've ever met. I have very strong limitations. And I try to earn, earn the gifts I have. Anyway, you're not just fighting for yourselves or your friends or the people you know. You are fighting for a great many people.

Believe me, we're aware. Good. I know we seem like a bunch of slapdicks to y'all. We know what's at stake. I recognize raw talent when I see it. She's very capable. Yeah, very capable. It radiates from her.

Mm-hmm. Sometimes literally. I'm sorry, I will not be there to see it. You could come with us. Well, I have my personal friends and loves who are dear to me. And I see your potential your potential

row of Caleb's just extends out as he says those words. I have made my point. You know already the seriousness of this point we are in in history. Choose wisely, and I am grateful that you are here. What would you do? It is hard to make that call in advance, isn't it? We're on the moon, adjacent. The gods were never my specialty. I know very little about them. You talk about power, far more power

in their hands than mine. You know about Ludinus, though? Yeah. In all your time studying him, did you find any special ways to get under his skin? Something to distract him, did you find any special ways to get under his skin? Something to distract him, throw him off his balance? Well, I've always found with powerful men that mockery is a pretty solid way to get them off their game, but centuries old mage,

you have your work cut out for you. Let me see. I am going to give you something. You'll probably not be able to use this. I don't think we will, but I'm going to give it to you all the same. He pulls out a small metallic pyramid shape. The three of us have been to the same place,

the city in the frozen north. Yeah. This came from that place. Aeo? This is called an Intuit charge. I have held onto this for a very long time. Do they expire? I hope not. But I'm giving it to you.

I will write down how it works for you, so you don't forget, because Laen doesn't remember. It's a long read. It goes boom. But maybe it will come in handy, maybe not. But I don't think what we are doing, I think it'll be better used in your hands. Anyway, here you go.

And, uh. We may just hand that over to you. We may just hand it? My friend is right. We probably all should get some shut-eye. Thank you for giving me these few moments. I know we haven't known each other much at all. Thank you, Caleb. Wow, you and Essek, I see why you work. Mm-hmm. It took us some time to get there, but we found our rhythm. When we were with the matron, she made us fight a vision of what could be.

We were fighting my mother, and in the moment that it really counted, I trusted in her, and it ended up being a really bad call. Was it your mother? No. But I don't know how much the matron sees, you know? Can she guess people's real intentions? Does she know people's real intentions? Does she know people's real intentions? I could not say, Imogen. You are going to have to find that answer inside yourself. Maybe one of these echoes has a mother that she can't trust.

And maybe this one does. Trust your instinct. I think you'll know in a moment. Yeah. I think you'll know in a moment. Yeah. Thank you. Of course. I hope we can have a more relaxed dinner here sometime

in the days ahead. I would like that. Yeah. There's been talk about maybe a celebratory party at Taste of Tal'Dorei. I have been there. Oh, really? It's a little tacky, but also fun.

I don't know if it's just the one we went to. It seemed like super tacky. It was a little rundown, honestly. Yeah. I've only been the one time. Mm. Mm. Bassuras?

It was in Bassuras. Super tacky. the one time. Bassuras? It was in Bassuras. Super tacky. Super tacky. The drinks are okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they got you drunk. Well. Serviceable. I think it's important to have something to look forward to. All right, to the taste of Teldora, then.

As Lady Vysoren said, not goodbye. Fish baiter. Fish baiter. Well, shall we? Yes. Real quick, real quick. In your head, you hear, why fish baiter?

Why did he say fish bait? Maybe it's a cultural thing. Yay. Can I do one quick retroactive thing that we don't have to role play? Yeah, yeah. Fearne pants, can you identify that raven mask before we go to bed?

You don't have it. You don't have it. You gave it to Brayus. I know, but can we pretend that I went, hey, Brayus, hand Fearne the Raven Mask so Fearne can identify it? Brayus, do you want to? You can, sure.

Sure, yeah, if that's something that you guys want. Yeah, yeah, let me check it out. We did this over dinner. Sure. Sure, okay. If any of you want to, you can pull up in your inventory the Mask of the Matron. Oh, wait. It's in your book?

It's in Dean Vionya. It's in Dean Vionya? Excuse me. Blasio. Blasio. Greatest character, Mask of the Matron. Why do we both do that? Okay, good, never mind, we got it. We got it.

So you're going to say it out loud or no? Well, I don't know. Anyone can look at it, actually. Weird. What is it? Okay, now I want to look at it. So you're going to say it out loud or no? Well, I don't know. Anyone can look at it, actually. Weird. What is it? Okay, now I want to look at it. Janna, you're making weird faces. You have to say it out loud. You have to look at it. Okay, that's fine, that's fine.

Whoa! All right. Mask the Matron. Whoa! That's very cool. Wait, say it out loud to the audience now! You can't. You can't say it. This freak out, bro. It says, when you place this mask upon your face, . It says, when you place this mask upon your face,

It's unreadable. How do I get it? Cool, Matt. That is super cool. Even your item descriptions are cool. Whoa! Just pick up the Matron. Mask of the Matron, there.

Just anything Matron. Okay. That is... Whoa! What? Just pick up the matron. Mask of the Matron there. Just anything matron. Okay. What? What? That's so cool. Cool, man. What? What? This is really cruel.

All right, we'll see. Uh. Okay. That's really fun. Before bed. Hey, I'm going to work on my Aurum painting. Can you give me a little inspiration? Just a little hint.

Bryce, is that you? Yes, this is me. Okay, she's making sure work on my Aurum painting. Can you give me a little inspiration? Just a little hit. Bryce, is that you? Yes, this is me. Okay, just making sure. Have to double check. Feeble juice, feeble juice. You want inspiration? Just a little hit. Uh, okay.

No! Okay, good. I'm going to paint. All right, so you can take any ten. I think, actually, we just leveled up. I think it's a 12 now. Ooh! We made sure. Do you. Ooh! We make sure.

Your guidance? We make sure. From who? Me? From? Just him. You would do that for me? Of course I would. Artist to artist.

I understand. Wow. 12. That's very kind of you. I'll take it. All right. I guide you as well. What does that do? D4? Yeah. All right. I guide you as well. What does that do, d4? Yeah.

All right, I'm going to do art. All right, so performance or dexterity check. Okay. Oh my god, insane. Six, 16 plus 11, already 27, plus two, 29, plus six, 35. An incredible job on this piece of art. Yes, thank you. plus two, 29, plus six, 35. An incredible job on this piece of art. Yes, thank you.

All right. I feel good. Everyone else is going to bed for the evening. Any last conversations here on the dusk before the end? You didn't want anyone to give us just a little side marriage before we do our real marriage? Side marriage? No. I mean, why?

Well, I don't know. It seems like maybe you were regretting the fact that you proposed or something. No, regretting never. Of course not. I just want you to have the real thing. I do, too. Yeah, and plus, it's a vote of confidence in us. Yeah.

Don't want to rush it with something small. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would be thrilled, but you deserve all the finest things, and I can only imagine what your imagination has in store. I wouldn't want to shortch you. But it's going to be so beautiful, Fjord. Just do me a favor. No cats.

Of course not. What about a weasel? Sprinkle! Don't worry, we're friends now. Fuck! Just scatters into nothing. Jester's just dust and gore. Oh my god! Do you actually fry pets? Yes!

You were almost assassinated in this tower. Where is that wizard? That was the dead woman's pet. You just killed it. Oh. You know, are there any bits left behind or did it just disintegrate? You think it just poofed away?

I don't think anyone will know. Don't tell her. I won't. But we have to because she still has Sprinkle. How am I going to get Sprinkle back? I'll take care of it. We'll treat it like a hostage situation. It'll be fine. In the morning. Yes. I guess tonight he'll just care of it. We'll treat it like a hostage situation. It'll be fine.

In the morning. Yes. I guess tonight he'll just sleep with her. She doesn't know it's actually Artie, though. I just don't want Artie to do anything weird to her in the middle of the night. I thought that's why you handed him off to her. Imogen. Maybe you'll have some fun. Imogen, we have to make room between us for the weasel.

Oh. A little creepy thing. No, he's got to sleep with us! Oh, it's okay. Scritch, scritch, scritch. Yeah, this poor guy. I think she feeds him really poorly. You can see his ribs. You can.

I need to teach her about animal care. It backs up and Sprinkle darts off the bed and jumps underneath part of the furniture. No! Come back, mage hand him. No! Okay. Can't lose you in this does not count.

I think you're going to have to give him back eventually. Well, yes, he's just on loan. She's with Pâté, it's fine. I'm sure he's keeping her such great company right now. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go in your house. All right. I'm probably the last one to go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go in your house. All right.

I'm probably the last one to go to sleep, but I will stop short of exhaustion. But there's work to be done, and I have a canvas that needs my utmost attention. So in front of a fireplace, I wittle away. Naked as the day is born. Yeah, I'm fully fucking naked.

I send a cat away for a shot of ayahuasca and I just fucking let it roll. Oh my god. Oh, that's so funny. Go ahead and make a dexterity or performance check. And I'll give you an advantage on this, because you are, the situation inspires you. I feel inspired.

17. 17. Pretty well done. You're pretty happy with your work by the time it comes to a close. You wouldn't know that, though, because you pass out before you finish. But you do wake up in the morning before anybody else does,

and still manage to finish before anybody else knows. Like old people always do. Mm-hmm. Like the early, early morning. Did you live? Yeah. A little bit of puke from the ayahuasca. Also just a...

It's rudimentary at this point. So just... I lived. That would've been amazing. I feel like he's getting closer. What's the limbo stick that you don't want to go under? I'm tempted to do it to half my level, but... No. No. There's only one more time. Maybe using the staff hurts me more.

As Chetney's nodding off, you just hear on Orym's door just a gentle, Come in. You're awake. That's, I've been trying to walk over to your place for 20 minutes. May I sit down? Yeah.

I'll sit on the edge of the bed. You've been quiet lately. I haven't been honest with you. I have feelings for you. I think almost from the day I met you. And I'm way out of practice. And always worried about being a burden. But I'm so happy that we got to see each other again before whatever the hell happens tomorrow. Sure feels like in the face of all this, some things get swept to the side, eh?

Rightfully so. No time. No time. I feel like, well, I feel like the worlds have kept us apart ever since I've been back, and I've just wanted the tiniest moment with you, and I couldn't sleep either.

You are the reason I'm here. You've always been the reason I'm here. And I've known it, and I've been grateful. You held us together in the past, and you made me feel like I was a part of this group. You. And if it were up to me, there would be no responsibilities. Wait, wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't it? I don't know what this is. I've never felt anything like this. I've been closed off for so long, and who knows? Maybe you're just the first beautiful, kind face that I have ever seen. But I don't care.

I could never ask anything of you. But tonight, may I simply hold you? I want nothing more. Just let me comfort you for once. Please. And I'll awkwardly scooch myself onto the bed with the pillows and just put out an open arm

by the pillows and ask if Orym wants to come. He crawls over and curls in. And Dorian feels flushed. He feels a rush of emotions. He feels passion and he feels confusion and he's red and hot in the face and he feels the feelings of lust and burden and guilt. And he lets them all go.

And he just pulls you in so close, tight to his ribs, and cups his hand over your head and holds you there. I don't see anything, because I'm terrified to spoil the moment. I just appreciate it. I just think about the time we've spent together, and I start to fantasize about the way things could have been, about different choices,

and every little thing that's come our way, and those thoughts fade into a dream as I slip off to sleep to the sound of your breathing. I think I'm up a little longer with my fingers curled into yours. I just think, this is okay. And then pass out.

And the night carries on, restful for some, anxious, quiet, and at moments joyful, to just appreciate a brief moment where all of that responsibility can wash away before sleep takes you. Here in this space between spaces, a place built out of love for friend and family.

Along new friends and old, bonds of kinship, love of many kinds. A little time away from it all. For tomorrow, you march for everything. That's where we'll end tonight's episode.

Oh my god. Could have gone longer, but there's no perfect moment to stop them right there. Perfection. Hi, Noreen. Dorian, are you here? That bastard. Dorian?

Oh, praise. What is he doing? A bed of sawdust awaits. I made coffee, does no one, okay, fine. Fuck me, man. A bed of sawdust awaits. I made coffee, does no one, okay, fine. Fuck me, man. So much happened. Oh my goodness. I love my friends.

That was crazy. We'll pick up from there next time into what comes next. Holy shit. But yeah, thank you all so much for joining us. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. Good night.

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