Critical Role - C3E59 Somewhere Out There

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Orym, Ashton, and Laudna find themselves in an unfamiliar land, meeting unfamiliar people, as they attempt to piece together why they were separated from their friends and where exactly they are in the world... Due to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode.Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources Watch Critical Role Campaign 3 live Thursdays at 7pm PT on https://twitch.tv/criticalrole and https://youtube.com/criticalrole. To join our live and moderated community chat, watch the broadcast on our Twitch channel. Twitch subscribers gain instant access to VODs of our shows like Critical Role, Exandria Unlimited, and 4-Sided Dive. But don't worry: Twitch broadcasts will be uploaded to YouTube about 36 hours after airing live, with audio-only podcast versions of select shows on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & Google Podcasts following a week after the initial air date. Twitch subscribers also gain access to our official custom emote set and subscriber badges and the ability to post links in Twitch chat! "It's Thursday Night (Critical Role Theme Song)" by Peter Habib and Sam RiegelOriginal Music by Omar Fadel and Hexany Audio"Welcome to Marquet" Art Theme by Colm McGuinnessAdditional Music by Universal Production Music, Epidemic Sounds, and 5 AlarmCharacter Art by Hannah Friederichs

Hi there, this is Matthew Mercer, resident Game Master here at Critical Role, to welcome you to this podcast version of the show. If you'd like to watch the stream as it airs, you can catch it Thursdays at 7pm Pacific on twitch.tv slash criticalrole or youtube.com slash criticalrole. Twitch subscribers can access the video on demand immediately after the broadcast and it also becomes available on YouTube Mondays at 12 p.m. Pacific. Podcast episodes land right here on the Critical Role Podcast Network

on Thursdays, a week after the initial broadcast. Okay, with that info dump out of the way, let's dive into the story. Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. We play Dungeons & Dragons! Our first sponsor is Nintendo,

with their new game, The Legend of Zelda, Tears of the Kingdom. Sam? Thanks, Matt. Everyone at CR is excited about Tears of the Kingdom, the brand new Breath of the Wild sequel that is an amazing leap forward in the series. Ow.

Rediscover an expanded and transformed Hyrule with new abilities that test your creativity. Glimpse ancient events that lead up to the upheaval and build creative solutions to traverse three layers of Hyrule, solving puzzles like never before. Ow. Ow. Ow. Sam? Sam, are you okay? of solutions to traverse three layers of Hyrule, solving puzzles like never before. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Sam? Sam, are you okay? I'm fine, Matt. I just need a little water. That was much. Yeah, it was actually really good. Oh!

What happened to you? Well, I was so stoked about Tears of the Kingdom that I wanted to cosplay as Link. I even did my own makeup for tonight, but it was a pollen-based makeup. My face had a little reaction. It's kind of red. I'm embarrassed.

Oh, no, no, no. I mean, we're all friends here. How bad could it be? Just take off the wrapping. I'm sure you'll look great. Really? You think so? No one's watching. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Marisha, you want to maybe give him a hand here? I don't want to. I'm sure you'll look great. Really, you think so? No one's watching. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Marisha, I want to maybe get my hand here.

I don't want to. I don't want to. Oh, oh god! Oh! No! No! No! No!

No! What? Put that away! How do I look? No! Make it stop. There's a lot of time. Come home!

Put it back on. Put it away! Well, it looks like I'm going to have a lot of time to try out the must-play sequel to one of the most highly acclaimed games in the last decade. Master your imagination as you save a transformed Hyrule. Tears of the Kingdom available now for Nintendo Switch.

Guys, do you feel that? Should the air hurt? I don't think that's supposed to. I think that's a bad thing. I'll go to the hospital. Don't forget to check out our Tears of the Kingdom one-shot, but Matt will talk about that more in a bit.

I'm going to pass out right now. Matt, back to you. Oh wow. That made a thund. Okay. Well. This isn't a workman's comp thing, right? Our second sponsor for the night is D&D Beyond. Be the hero.

Oh my god! We're a little in on this. I know, I can tell. Be the hero of your table with the free D&D Beyond subscription trial. Get exclusive access to monthly subscription perks to personalize your play. Share your D&D books with your party and make unlimited character slots to bring all your character ideas to life. Sam, no! No! Oh my god!

Do not! That's disgusting. Start your 30-day free trial today at dndbeyond.link slash... I knew he was there and it still scared me. CR sub. As our wonderful swollen regal here said, we have a special thing coming up, our sweagol. Please join us for a special The Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom one-shot,

sponsored by our friends at Nintendo. I'll be running the game with wonderful players, Marisha Ray, Liam O'Brien, and guests Emily Axford, Omar Najam, Robbie Damon, and I can't wait for you to check it out. This one-shot airs Tuesday, May 30th at 7 p.m. Pacific on Twitch and YouTube. So come check it out.

We're excited. Marisha, you got something to talk about? Oh goodness. Close-up. Candela Obscura premieres in one week! Yeah! This month! It's as terrifying as that.

Maybe not as scary, actually. But it's a horror game. Am I distracting this Candela news? No, you're fine, I'm a professional. I kinda like the hair with your features. No, what? No, it's not an ad. What is all the replies?

Oh, look at his neck. It's all flying down. Did something actually happen? Candela Obscura! Guys, if you want to see just primal terrors such as Sam Riegel's face and other cosmic nightmares, tune in next Thursday, May 25th at 7 p.m. Pacific and follow Laura Bailey, Ashley Johnson, Robbie Damon,

Anjali Bhimani, and our fantastic GM, Matthew Mercer, through a terrifying and corruptive world where magic bleeds into mundane reality. We can't wait for you to see this new story and this illuminated world in action and to help provide some context to the basic rules that we'll all be using, we'll be releasing a Candela Obscura Quickstart Guide.

Yeah! Whoa! So yeah, be on the lookout for that. You can check out all of the details over at CritRole.com. Keep an eye out for a full how to play video coming next week. Just distracting. Maybe you should just go. Okay.

We have. Thank you, Travis. I'm going to say it one more time, just for everyone who is staring at his face. We have a quick start guide and a how to play video coming next week on Candela Obscura. And we have so much more in store in this new, exciting adventure.

And yeah, we're so excited to finally share it with you guys because it's been a long time coming! Yeah! Thank you, Marisha. Leemon Taliesin, you got a quick announcement as well. Still burned in my retinas. Hey, our Chronicles of Exandria Art Book Volume One is now available in the CR shops, Darrington Press Guild stores,

and other friendly local game stores that you know. It's a brick. It's actually received a minor refresh. It's got five pieces of new-to-the-book artwork, and we're just jazzed to bring it. We've been talking about this for years, to bring it back to you guys. Hopefully you all enjoy it. Hell yeah. Find it soon. I love it.

I love it. I like it a lot. All righty. Well, I believe with that, our announcements are concluded. So let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of No, that doesn't seem right. Critical Role.

Critical. Thursday. Critical. Thursday. Critical. Critical. It's Thursday night. One by one we climb until we reach the top. Two by two we fall. Will we meet our end or meet our destiny? Hold your breath and roll. How do you want to do this? It's Thursday night

All ye critters come join us It's time to continue our flight There is magic and mystery Who knows what will happen Ye might But one thing's for sure We never give up on the fight From the healer

To the renegade We all share the same goal Adding more allies Taking more chances Hold your breath and roll You can certainly try It's Thursday night All ye critters come join us

It's time to continue our fight It's Thursday There is magic and mystery From darkness our friendship will rise But one thing's for sure We never give up on the fight Oh, get ready It's Thursday night

And welcome back. SAM and LAURA say goodbye. And welcome back. So last we left off with this half of Bell's Hells. You, with your troop of found family, had plunged into the dangerous realm of the Hellcatch Valley in chase of Ludinus Deleth and the Ruby Vanguard as they attempted to utilize the Apogee Solstice to some terrifying degree

in locking onto the Red Moon of Ruidus and in hopes of releasing the terrifying predator of the gods. You, along with your friends, manage to circumvent some of the scope of what you thought might transpire, hopefully, but your airship rained down, destroying a number of the members of the vanguard in its own wake.

A number of other ships began to arrive just as you watched. As your leader, the voice of the Tempest was brought low by Urahan Thule, and before a death blow could be delivered, some dark guardian rushed in to protect her. This guardian, part of Ludinus' plan, was then drawn, compressed, and turned into a lens for his device.

The last thing you remember was all of the surrounding Ruidusborn granting their unintentional energy towards this climactic blast up to the red moon. Then a bright white light engulfed you all and you awoke in a strange land, still at night beneath the starry sky, the shifting tethers of the Apogee Solstice ley line,

still visual and multicolored across multiple directions of the sky, like an extended lattice or weave. You don't have much light around you beyond just what little bit of starlight seems to cascade in the space. What you do see and smell is you found yourselves scattered a bit amongst the climbing cliffs

of some sort of a geothermal gorge. You can see splashes of color where deposits of elements and minerals have gathered over who knows how long, but the heavy sulfurous smell itself is overpowering at times. You can hear the bursting of steam from directions beyond your current light source and eyesight. You eventually come together,

finding the three of you and no one else. I can't feel my feet. Let's role play. All right. Orym skitters down 10 or 15 feet from the outcropping he was on to get down between the two taller friends. Where are we? Where's everybody else?

Where's Imogen? If we're in the dark, right, so. You are. Can't see anybody from here, can we? I know we looked around. Make a perception check with advantage. Because it's dark at night, be disadvantageous to the singular roll.

So I'm going to look both for our friends or anybody, and I see the line of red from Ruidus down over that mountain range, and I'm trying to guesstimate how many miles away we are. Okay, well, perception chance, perception check to look for people. It would be a nature or survival check to try and ascertain how far you are from that body.

All right, I'll handle right here first. That's 20. Dirty 20. Dirty 20 on a perception check. You can pick up... First off, you can barely make out the gorge stumbling a few hundred feet further down before it begins to even out.

And this gorge, the rock is jagged. It is sharp in places. It has been flecked through erosion. Broken stones have caused edges to be almost glass-like in places, where others are a little more worn with time and weather, from what you can tell. But it's a few hundred feet down to the base of the gorge,

and even glancing the other way, it's a few hundred feet climbing the other direction to try and get out of it. You're not certain which direction you're facing, other than the direction of the red moon, but even without knowing where you are, you're not entirely certain how that connotates which way is north, which way is south.

So you're saying we're not entirely sure if we even need to go up or down. We're just in the middle of a gorge. You're along a cliffside of a gorge with no light. Right, no idea if it's safer above or below. And there's a big crevasse in between us, like the gorge is between us and the direction of the beam of the moon?

Where you are now, you are all sitting on the edge of the cliff, like an outcropping of it. There's climbing up and then there's descending further down. It's like we're on a slope part of it somewhere. The little faint bit of Ruidus and that red thread that carries it anchored on the horizon is deep on the horizon. You can barely see it.

It looks to be the left direction. If you're facing out into the expanse of the gorge that descends, you're not certain how far away it opens. You can't really see the rest of it. You just see it vanish into darkness. It's to the left direction of it. And that beam is really far away and small in our eyeline? Correct.

Survival, 18. 18, not too bad, not too bad. Now, looking up and trying to ascertain the constellations, the stars in the sky, you're not entirely certain where you are, but you can pick up, at the very least, based on where that moon is and where you're not, that's likely to the south.

Likely to the south. Rudas says likely to the south. We still have the map. Should we look at the map? Do we have the map? We do, it's in the south. We still have the map. Should we look at the map? Do we have the map? We do, it's in the hole. Oh yeah, you're right. I've got the maps now, bitch!

All right. This is where we were. This was the excavation point. And the city was to the south of it, roughly. Yes. Yeah, this was where, theoretically, is where the moon is. So if it's to the south, we are...

Were? Either in the Rumadan Desert, up towards the Oderan Wilds, or it could be anywhere. You said that the moon and its laser pointer were slightly off to the left? If you're facing out into the gorge opening, it's to the left of where you are. Okay, and with a survival check,

did I think that the light and Ruidus were to the south? Correct, of where you currently stand. Okay. Okay. Okay, so off the map, maybe? Yeah, I don't see anything. Dude, would I know of a location of a giant canyon or a gorge in... Can we make a history check?

Just a straight history check. a history check. Just a straight history check. Straight history check. 18. 18. Not too bad. There are a number of gorges, chasms throughout Exandria. As far as something this large,

especially with this type of mineral and geothermal setup, 18 is not too bad, actually. You know that there are a handful of places that could mark this elemental that could mark this elemental chaos that burns up from underneath on this gale. All right. There is, in Wildemount, in the Treskend Vale,

there is a mountain range that a portion of the landscape there has heavy geothermal activity. You also know that there is, near the Panagryp Sands, which is on the far eastern side of Marquet, there is a series of a cracked canyon that has been known to have some intense geothermal activity

at some times during the year. All right. There is, in the central region of Asylra, a location called the Spectrum Gorge that also has a deep amount of geothermal activity. In Asylra. Oh. Does it make sense that we would be,

if we can still see the moon, that we'd be on an entirely other continent outside of Marquet? I would think Marquet. With that information, and with your survival role, and how far and low the moon is on the horizon, it's possible. That we're in a different continent.

Yes. I relay this information. We don't know how long we've been unconscious. There's the Truscan Vale in Wildemount, but that seems odd. Panagrim Sand. Moron crashes down and sits on his butt in the dirt. Can you?

Isilro. Can you hear anybody in your head? I close my eyes, just concentrate on Imogen, and just whisper her name in my mind's eye. In the stillness, you hear the nearby of steam geysers and feel the occasional rumble beneath the rock of your feet,

but no response, no voice, no Imogen. I don't sense her at all. What if, what happened? It's like they were trying to, everyone was just trying to assimilate. What if she's gone? What if she's not here anymore? What if they killed her?

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Um, you're not hurt any more than before. I haven't thought about it. Are we hurt? I mean, you were as injured as you were towards the end of your row with the Ludinus and the rest of the Ruby Vanguard.

When I died, when we were in Borseras, didn't you all say that Imogen, the white light that we all saw, was that similar to what she did before, but just on a much grander scale? Yeah. This was... I don't know, this felt different.

I don't know. Hold on. Hold on. I'll pull out two Sending Stones. Caleb Widogast? Are you all right? Where are you? Not sure we're even in Marquet anymore. Please respond.

Go ahead and roll a d100 for me, if you don't mind. Oh! Please respond. Go ahead and roll a d100 for me, if you don't mind. Oh. 75. 75. As you speak into this stone, the words that you press into this temporarily released enchantment, the echo begins to feed back louder and louder,

and the stone seems to shake in your hand before you have to drop it, and it clatters, not stumbling off the cliff, you manage to catch it afterward, but you get the sense that the sending spell didn't find its recipient. Shit. Okay, well, I got another one. Hold on. Dorian?

Can you hear me? What's the sky look like where you are? Tell me you're okay. Roll a d100 for me. 53. 53. Similar to how the last one did, the echo begins to feed back on itself again. Do you wish to try and hold onto the stone this time?

Yeah. You clutch it in your grasp, and your whole arm begins to shake as you hear your own voice echoing back and causing more and more of the ripples in itself, expanding and expanding, loudly, loudly. It almost begins to hurt the inside of your mind for a second. The rest of you don't hear anything.

You just watch the stone begin to shake and Orym tensing while clutching it before eventually it fades. Why are you laughing, Ashton? Look at this. This is fucking funny. Don't drop it, please. This is fucking funny. I'm going to walk the fuck away. I'm going to start beating the fuck out of the closest piece of rock that I can find. It's a dark cliff. Please don't fall into it.

I'm away from the fucking cliff. There's nothing happening at the sound of that, is there? Dark cliff, please don't fall into it. So good. I'm away from the fucking cliff. There's nothing happening at the sound of that, is there? It's a heavy echo. Approaching, coming, yeah. I'm just going to start sending messages just in case it's not far, but in case they're just on a cliff that we can't see, I'm going to send a message first.

I already tried to mention, but to Chetney. No response. I will sit the fuck down. Fearne. No response. I don't know. FCG, one last chance. No response. Ashton, what are you, what do you want? Just needed to feel a little better. Okay, well.

I can't stay here. I'll starve or something. Up or down? Might as well flip a coin. I don't even fucking know. How bad does up look? It looks as treacherous as down does, just in an upward motion. And we can't see the bottom. You cannot see the bottom of the gorge from where you stand, no. What you can see, the stars above,

and you can see the gentle waves of the colored ley line bits of energy that just shift and move ever so faintly, gentle waves of the colored ley line bits of energy that just shift and move ever so faintly, like distant drifting river currents through the sky. I still have Pate, correct? You do. I'm going to pull him out.

Hey, hey. Are you all right? Yeah, I think I'm okay. Not too bad, eh? Do you have any recollection of what just happened? It got kind of crazy, didn't it? It just sort of went white and flashy and stuff, and now we're all just in a weird place,

but you know, I'm used to just riding along with it. That's fair. I need you to scout for us, if you wouldn't mind. Yeah, cool. You have your darkvision, right? Oh, I do. You can see within the crevices of the bird skull that is attached to this necromantic construction of yours,

within that void, there's a slight blue-purple energy that flashes. Try going down first. Yeah, sure, can do that. The ribs tear out of the center of the body, forming the odd bat wings. Laudna's eyes also gloss over white, with a little tint of that blue sheen.

I hold onto Orym's shoulder, just gets vertigo on this cliff face. As you ride through your own miniature drone VR experience. Ventures over California. Exactly. Cruises through and down past the edges, and you can see there are these spires that climb up, created from who knows how many centuries

of just mineral buildup. And there are these steam plumes and heavy toxic fumes that pour out of cracks of nearby opened subterranean elemental rivers. They burst and collect down below. There's no color to his vision in the dark visions. You can just see the textures and the forms and the bits of bubbling and boiling liquid

that you can see gathered in pools of extremely hot liquid. Clambering down, go make a perception check for Pâté for me, if you don't mind. Pâté's perception? Yes. Go on, let me see that. That's his wisdom, right? Yes. Come on, familiar.

Wisdom out of fire. He has dark, oh, not his passive perception, just a straight roll. Correct, just roll and add the wisdom. Mm. And that's at eight. Eight? That's a familiar. All right.

Eventually skitters down to what he thinks would be the lowest portion of this part of the gorge, and it's about a 400-foot descent, mostly sheer cliffs and drops with occasional smooth declines. Pretty treacherous, but upon getting towards the bottom, you can see there are multitudes of different levels of pools

that are giving off acidic fume and some that are boiling with heavy, thick mud. All right, I'll just tell him in his head. That looks awful. Head on up. Here I come in all back! Kind of gathers up to join you. I send him up. Okay. Once he gets back to scout.

Cruises by. It's about 150 to 200 feet until the lip of the gorge is accessible. Still a dangerous climb, but not impossible. As Pate begins to catch up to the edge, there is a ring of extremely dense flora, a forest or jungle-like cluster of growth that seems to have heavily affixed itself

to the mineral-rich earth and soil just on the outside of this gorge. So right as you come up to the lip and the edge of it, there is just a thick cluster of forest that seems to surround it on all sides. All right, well, down looks like death. Bubbling geysers, hot liquids, very bad. I think we should go up.

Most likely to get ambushed. I do, too. We don't know where we are, but the only thing we can do is head towards that. Motioning at the moon. So maybe if we get to the top and go around the edge and start heading that way, if we can. All right. Do we have some rope?

Probably in the hallway. Always. I have rope. You have rope? All right. How shitty a climber are we looking at above us? It's not impossible by any means, and there are safer routes than others, but a lot of the rock here,

it's hard to tell until you're at it how strong or fragile it is. And a lot of the edges are pretty sharp. The makeup of the particular rock and the way that it's either eroded or crumbled or recently broke and fell in there tends to be jagged at certain points. So it's not easy.

I have my imaculable rod. Oh. Oh yeah. Perhaps I can give it to you? You can maybe get a bit of a head start, and we can just keep moving it up with the rope tied to it that way. That's a great call. Put you in the middle.

All right, I've got Feather Fall in case there's any emergencies. No, that may actually mean. We maybe want to put you in the middle. If you've got feather fall. If you go tumbling down. I can catch you. Yeah, let's not lose anybody else on this.

That's great. This day sucks! So how's this thing work? Hey, it's just a little button at the end. Click it into place and it won't move. Oh. Quite handy. Weird.

All right, well. Do your boots still work? I try to leap up the canyon face 10 feet. Yeah. All right. All right, I'm going to try to go up 30 or 10 feet. Yeah! All right, I'm going to try to go up 30 or 40 feet. All right, I will with rod and rope. And I'll tie the rope for now around my waist while I do my flea jumping.

Okay. And leap up. All right. I will say for you all to climb the side of this cliff with this setup, let's go and do a group athletics check for me, if you don't mind. Athletics? Does it help if Orym is mountain-goating up and then tying the rope to an immovable rod

so that we have a, it's essentially like putting a- It's adjusted the DC to a lower DC. Understood. But it's still a test. Does Earthwalk help at all? Earthwalk for you. Yeah. Yeah, you can walk through the gorge. And I can't use acrobatics? No. No, all right.

Sorry. Oh, this is athletics? This is athletics. That's not as good. So yeah, Earthwalk will also give some sort of advantage to this. Yeah, yeah, if you want to expend it. Actually, it's not expendable, it's just a thing. Let's see here.

You can move across typical terrain made of earth or stone without expending extra movement. But like, yeah. So let's say for this, I'll give you an advantage on your roll for this. Oh, that's nice. That's all I wanted to hear. Five.

Prop five, perfect. 16. Okay. I mean, that tracks.'s all I wanted to hear. Five. Prop five, perfect. 16. Okay. I mean, that tracks. Yeah, dislocated a shoulder. 24. First lift. Ah! While you were there to catch Ashton the entire way,

you thankfully just caught yourself pop out of the socket, as you dangle there. It's all right, pop's back in. Come on. Slowly, one by one, you begin to climb up the side of the cliff. As you progress up the side to the next major platform, there is a sound that begins to call your attention

just as Laudna begins to clamber up off the side, a Direction? Laudna begins to clamber up off the side, a Direction? About five feet from where you're standing. Oh! And I'm the first one. Yay! A massive spout of extremely hot steam begins to just spray out of the side of this.

I need all three of you to make dexterity saving throws for me, please. Oh! Not great. Okay. I have advantage on this also? You did heal in Sierra Cummings. You do as Barbarians.

Yeah, okay, good, so yes. Just a dex save. 21. You take six points of fire damage. Fuck it. 10 for me. You take 12 points of fire damage. Fuck it. Don't. 10 for me. You take 12 points of fire damage from the steam. Being proximity to it, that makes sense.

And you? 16. 16, you take six points of fire damage. All right. It's good to use Indomitable, but I'll save it. You actually blocked most of it from your two companions as they climbed up, but you have a brightly stinging face now. Great.

It begins to Look good in two days. withdraw from the buildup of steam. Do you think it turns into a tan? I think it turns into blisters. Does it look like a thing now that it's stopped doing that? Can we identify these things if we come across them again?

Just a geyser went off. Yeah, there are all number of small cracks in areas where you can see slight protrusions of mineral and little bits of steam and heat that rise out. So now that you've immediately seen one, it will help you in avoiding things that are of a similar sight as you move upward. Yeah, I will start turning my 31 passive perception ears

towards bubbling in the ground. You got it. Yeah, I'm pretty turning my 31 passive perception ears towards bubbling in the ground. You got it. I'm pretty sure if I get hit with too many of those, my skin will just fall off. It's barely on there. I know, exactly. Yeah, just slough away. It's not great, just slough off.

Slough off. Slough off, slough off. Slough off. Slough off. Slough off, slough off. Continuing to climb using the same technique, you make it up two more ledges. As you reach up to the edge with the rod and push up carefully, looking around the space with your extremely, extremely well-honed

passive perception, you see something moving in the shadow on this cliff. Okay. And this is the top, or this is a midpoint? You're about to climb in the top. This is two thirds of the way up from where you began. Okay. Alive.

You see something shift in the shadows, and it is calling this cliffside home. I'm going to lower back down a foot or two. Or on my grip. Or on the grip, it sucks. Click. I'm reaching down and pulling you up. Okay, thank god. Let's go that way.

I start to try to spider climb, not the spell, my way sideways. All right. Oh my god, that's right, I have spider climb. I could have done that this whole time. I haven't played this character in months! Do you? I do. Because you both carefully... It's a second level spell, though, Do you? I do.

Because you both carefully. It's a second-level spell, though, and I am a little tapped, so I don't want to spend it unless I have to. Okay, so you're holding off for now? So I'm going to just stick with the plan. You can always kick it on in an emergency. Yes. Perfect.

Can I get a group stealth check? As you now stealthily attempt to climb past this ledge. Stealth check. Stealth check. As you now stealthily attempt to climb past this ledge. Stealth check. 18. 18. Come on, gang. The fuck is wrong with you? That was a journey, too.

Natural one. Mm. 19? Dang. That's a dead even one. Yeah. As you begin to climb up, in deciding not to cast your spell, you carefully begin to put on a...

No, it's good, I got this! Just as... Core needed a workout! This one little outcropping that you had used to push off with your foot just gives away and snaps under your weight. You actually fall about two feet of rope, tugging on it.

Your foot catches another rock, which cracks and falls again. The rest of you hear of the rock stumbling and her calling outward. Oh! My knee! You hear movement from the nearby shelf scrambling towards you.

Okay, I leave the rope tied to the rod and I immediately spring climb up and get up and go, hey! Up on the ledge. Okay, the minute you do, you jump and run on the ledge, looking right into an individual standing there on the edge. Amy, if I could have you.

Shit, that was fast! Oh, we actually need a clean cup. Move down. Oh shit! Oh no! She's back in the house! Woo-hoo! Let's go! Oh my gosh!

My friend! My god! How did we get out? gosh! Hi, Frigg! Oh my god, hi! Oh! She's finally here! Welcome back, Darnold. Welcome back. Hello.

Hi, hi, hi, hi. I was going to stab you. Still time. Still time. I want to after this. As you spring up and land, you, having been taking stock of where the hell you might be and why,

you hear some skittering nearby, prepare yourself to try and stay hidden, and then suddenly watch as a smaller man leaps in front and shouts, hey, to you, and what does he see? Well, there's a lot to see, so maybe we'll start from the top. What you might notice first is a real flash of big brown, blonde, highlighted, gel-crunched hair

that's moved to one side of her shoulder. And we're making our way down her four-foot-two dwarven body. You might notice that her skin color is sort of the, well it's sort of like the color of like, cafe con leche, but like with an extra shot in it. So like, kind of dark and Latina flavored, and she's covered in sort of colorful traditional tattoos.

And she's got a lot of them, but two of them stand out more than the rest. There's one on one of her shapely biceps that it's like a banner heart tattoo, but instead of mom, it says me. And on one of the sides of her neck, she's got a really large cursive D, adorning her neck.

Right next to the two hoops she has, so they fuck off. And her body looks like one of these, you know those party balloons, inflated party balloons that people move into shape? So you take one and twist the middle a few times, so she's real tiny in the middle, but big up top and on the bottom. And she's sturdy and really stout,

but kind of committed to being hyper feminine up top and on the bottom. She's sturdy and really stout, but kind of committed to being hyper-feminine in the way that a lot of women in male-dominated fields tend to be. So like a lady cop with acrylic nails or something like that. She's got these really pronounced eyebrows, but she has a slit in the middle that she sort of

shaved in. My favorite thing about her is that she's got a little Monroe piercing that looks like a Diamond Beauty mark, you know, like a little. And her vibe is very much like my Nuyorican cousin meets a rockabilly sort of girl meets a mob wife meets Real Housewives of Staten Island. And she's wearing a corset and pants

and jewel-encrusted boots and a really ornate gold belt where she's hanging a really cool, great sickle and then also a whip. Sickle. And her face looks pissed as fuck. Oh, hey. Who are you? Do you live here? No.

Do I look like I live here? No. I'm sweating, first of all. Where the fuck are we? I don't know. I have two friends hanging off the edge of the cliff. Can I have them come up with us? Or are you about to?

Yeah, you need help, I got a whip. Well, okay. Can we look to see how far they are from the landing? You go ahead and glance over to the side and you can see there is an iron-like rod that is just floating in the middle of the air. Oh shit. From it, you see a tied rope,

and dangling below, there are two figures, if you want to quickly describe yourself and your current state. A strange-looking humanoid made of green stone with purple amethyst hair and a weird indentation on the side of their head that's got a glass crystal view where you can almost see an opal underneath the glass.

The stone is cracked in strange places and it's been filled in with gold and they're wearing a lot of torn up black leather. And just you can see on the back and they're wearing a lot of torn up black leather. Just you can see on the back of the black leather jacket, it says, just don't. And then below him, you see a very gaunt woman, very sunken in cheeks. Her skin is deathly pale, maybe for a reason.

And you see dark circles under her eyes and dark pools of purple where the blood has just settled and coagulated with long, stringy black hair that this steam and heat is not doing any favors towards. And then she just has it pulled up in a messy bun with a big rock chisel through it to hold it up and just patchy dress

that looks like she just made out of scraps. And she's trying not to scream because I think I dislocated my knee. Oh. Guys? Kneecap, side of my leg. There's someone up here, but... Baby, I hate to tell you, they look half dead already. Can they reset my knee? You'll get used to it.

We'll get you patched up. We're cool, right? So far. What can I do to help? I got this whip. Well, help me pick up the green guy. He's heavy. Okay. So. Hold still, Laudna.

I'm going to start hoisting up with my massive halfling muscles. So should I just grab you from the middle and just start pulling back? Much easier with your help. I'm climbing, and I'm actually putting some climb in. Well, I'm not going to, as much as I would appreciate and enjoy watching you try and pull us both up.

As a group effort together, it's not very difficult to bring up this relatively heavy individual and this feather. Nice, maybe. But you all manage to. Pippa Mache. You clamber up onto this cliff where you had just taken stock for a moment to try and figure out what the hell is going on.

And now, for once, there was one, now there's four. Oh, look, a weird person on a cliff. That's normal for the day. I just showed up here. Do you know how, I didn't, I just showed up here. Do you know how you got here? We also just showed up here. Oh, okay. Wait, were you at the excavation site?

Were you a part of the moon ritual? No. Where were you an hour ago? On the planet? I was in Tal'Dorei. I was looking for my fucking ex-fiancee who left me in a lurch. I was about to find him, and all of a sudden, poof, loud noise, crack, here I am.

Some guy talking, here I am. Wait, he left you? Yeah. What an asshole. Oh, it's a very long story. Oh my god. I want to hear all about it, but first, what's your name? Mona.

I felt like you had to think about that for a second. Yeah, I gotta think about it. I'm not gonna tell you my real name yet. I don't know you that well. Oh. What's your name? Then I'm Zed. You don't look like a fucking Zed.

My real name is Orym. Why don't you wanna tell us your name? Because I don't know you. What if you're looking for me? I guess so. What if you know about me? Should we know about you? You're very fabulous.

Are you famous? No, not for good reasons. Okay, what's your name? Laudna. Oh, that's beautiful. Like the poison? Oh, you have a good ear. Yeah, no, I've been around.

You know your etymology. Every fucking new person. Ashton. Oh yeah, that fits you real nice. Thank you. Zed, Orym, Laudna, Ashton. Hello. Like the earrings.

Thank you. I like Mona. Thank you. It's a very pretty name, even if it's not your real one. I'll tell you my real one later. All right. Okay, so where were you guys? Oh boy.

You said excavation site? Yes, we were on Marquet. Hang on a second. You see Laudna just bends down, just takes the blunt part of the heel of her hand and just cracks her knee back into shape. Yes, we were on Marquette. Oh.

It was a lot. Were you outside? Did wherever the fuck you were, did the sky get weird? Yeah. What was the last thing you saw before you came here? Well, I saw my dumb fuck ex-fiance's face from, I don't know, 100 feet away.

I was about to go grab his ass. And then I saw the sky. I looked up and there was all these colors and stuff, right? And then there was a voice. Like a speech. Wait, did it sound like it came from a crusty old elven man? Yes. Super pretentious.

Super pretentious. Like he didn't think he could smell his own farts. Yeah. That kind of a voice. Kind of like that, that's right. And then a crack. But you were in Tal'Dorei. Yeah. You could hear, Tal'Dorei. Yeah. You could hear, she could hear the lootiness.

You know that guy? What did the sky look like at the end? Well, I wasn't really, I was just focused on the one guy, but it was a real bright thing, and then here I am, hot as fuck. I don't think we're on Tal'Dorei, by the way. I don't know if we're on Marquet, either.

You do glance up, Moana, and as you're telling the story, you can look up and you can see some of those colored threads that you recall from this, but where you were, they were much denser, like they're all leading in a different direction from where you currently are. I'm from Tal'Dorei.

Oh yeah? I didn't, not just now, months ago. Okay. Zafra, where were you when you got yoinked? I was there. Okay. What were you doing there?

I was born and raised there. Oh, you were born and raised there. That's nice. It's a nice town. The best. Does your ex-fiancé live in Zafro? You know what? I actually don't even know where the fuck I was. I don't even remember.

I think I have some sort of amnesia or something. I just was really like, I have a sense about him, and I was following him for months because he left me high and dry. Not just at the altar, but with a bunch of whatever. Anyway, it doesn't matter. How do we get out of here? Is there anything that could kill you? and I was following him for months because he left me high and dry. Not just at the altar, but with a bunch of whatever. Anyway, doesn't matter. How do we get out of here?

Is there anything that could kill us right now nearby? I mean, the fall. Is there anything alive besides the four of us? Make a perception check. Okay. Straight roll. Honestly, he sounds like such a bag of dicks. Such a bag of dicks.

What's your roll? 21. 21. 21. Nothing that you can see, but the, you do hear the sound of something else that doesn't resemble the bursting of geysers or releasing of steam. More like a low clicking noise that's echoing distant from here.

Something else that catches your ear as not being worth waiting around for. I'm going to put that in the bad column. We were in the process of climbing out of this crater. Mm-hmm. Want to come with? I would love to. Okay. How do we do it?

Well. How much further? Are we still on the edge of a cliff face or have we made it to the woods? Two thirds of the way up. Well, you're about two thirds of the way up. You're about maybe a little under 100 feet up from the edge at this point. All right. Yeah, let's embrace the chaos.

Fuck it. I've got extra rope. I got extra whip. Perfect. So I can do one more group athletics check with all four of you. Welcome to the party, Mona. Perfect. So I'm going to do one more group athletics check with all four of you. Welcome to party, Mona.

Yep. I like a party. You guys party? I don't get to eat. Natural 20. Hey! Dang! Look at that. All righty.

First roll of the game. Stop. Goddamn. You're so smart. Eight. Okay. 27. Oh're so smart. Eight. Okay. Sure. 27. Oh, thank god. 11.

11. So that natural 20 put you over the edge. All right! Fuck. That's two successes in the group. So as harrowing as the journey along this cliff face continues to be, your new companion seems to know her way

around physical activity. She has a good eye for the nearby stone and ledges that seem strong and durable and manages to catch you a couple times and an approximate moment away from stumbling until eventually you begin to clamber up to the very edge of the cliff and where the stone begins to give way to earth and root

and the trees greet you upon reaching the gorge mouth. Now, as you stand at the top, you can take in a little bit of the sights around you. You can just now see from this point in time, the edges of the gorge, that bit of starlight and a little bit of that faint, colorful glow from the deep sky ley lines help frame. This is a large canyon that spreads out

for probably a mile and a half, two miles across the way, you can guess. It's hard to tell depth without color and that much detail, but it definitely looks massive. From where you stand here, on this edge of it, if the moon, the Red Moon Ruidus, still visible on that edge, is to the south, then you are probably on the northeastern side

of this gorge. Okay. northeastern side of this gorge. Well, we're out of the giant hole for now. I think until we get our bearings, we follow the edge. There's got to be civilization around here somewhere. We'll just keep walking, if we're able, towards Ruidus. So we were going to head towards the big, scary moon that fell out of the sky.

If you wanted to join us. I would love to join you, but how about first we take a little bit of a drink out of something and she pulls out a flask. Oh, thank god. A little alcohol in it and passes it around. Oh my god. Oh god, thank you. You might need that for yourask. Oh, thank god. With a little alcohol in it and passes it around. I met God. Oh god, thank you.

You might need that for your knee. Yes, please. I need it for my everything. Just for a... She's not stealing. That's not, that's not, oh no. Oh. Going to get sunburned with that.

While Mona is passing out the drink, and we've been climbing the hill for a while, do I get the sense, using my fighter abilities, that she either has any levels in fighter, and how is her dex compared to mine? You do not sense any levels in fighter. Her dex is not quite as high as yours. Okay.

But it's not too shabby. What are we drinking, by the way? I think that she would have some sort of liqueur, like maybe, you know, strong, like real strong, but almost like, anybody ever have Nalewka? It's sort of like a Polish drink. It's sort of like a limoncello, but almost like, anybody ever have Nalewka? It's sort of like a Polish drink. It's sort of like a limoncello, but super strong. It's almost like Everclear or the Eusperitus.

It's something like that. So just a sip will do you, you know. Orm drinks a little longer than you'd imagine he would. Oh no. You can drink a lot. No, it's volume. I probably take twice as much as I should and never break eye contact.

Oh, intense. That's very reasonable. I just want a sipper. I'm a lightweight. That's fun. There's literally nowhere for it to go. It's true. Goes right to my karate diary.

How are you actually feeling now that we're not hanging from a cliff? Oh, I feel like I'm still hanging from a cliff in my head. Yeah, you don't look good even for you. Wow, thank you. I'm obviously deeply terrified about the rest of the group, mainly Imogen. Hope she's alive.

Compartmentalization is very strong at the moment. So you guys were traveling together, and then you got separated from a part of your group? Our group was about twice as big. We were miles, hundreds of miles, maybe. Particulary an ocean away. Maybe an ocean away, like you. Another one of our members, Imogen.

She's very wonderful, very capable, very strong. She got a little bit wrapped up in this whole Red Moon business. I don't know if... I don't know anything about it. I don't fuck with the gods. I don't do any of that. Yes, yes.

She had a very strong connection to Rudas and turns out there are quite a few people across Exandria who have a very strong connection to the Red Moon and I don't know. Hope they're still here. Maybe they're on the moon. Maybe they're all a giant hive mind that are just destined to take over the world.

It's kind of hard to say. Well, that's really fucking scary. Yeah. It's a little scary, Mona. Try not to think about it. So should we look for other people? Oh. Yeah, that hadn't occurred to me.

Let's just get out of here. That's a good idea. That way, and point at the moon. Okay, I can see the direction there. Because where you stand, you're kind of, the gorge itself is almost towards the base of a gentle valley area, and so you don't really have a good vantage point

for other bits of the surrounding terrain. All you have is, right now, that marker for the red moon. Yeah, so I think just trying to guesstimate, even if we have to go off course to return to course. Yeah, yeah, totally. Okay, so following around the edge of the gorge, are you staying within the treeline, just along the side, or are you? Yeah.

It's about a five-foot gap before it goes to just straight gorge drop off. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's not slip on any rocks in the dark. Or get hit by something and go flying. And still dark as fuck, I assume. I'll just constantly listening and looking,

and I'll lead the way by five or six feet. Okay. All righty, so as you're all carefully going through, I assume stealthily as you journey, slow but steady? All right, have group stealth check for me if you don't want to. Group stealth. 19. Oh jeez louise.

Laudna's back, baby! 11. 19. 24. Dang. Nice. Your bones are just snapping a lot. And resisting so hard to look at all your shit. Yeah, no.

So maybe Moenik goes up the rear, like they're booking in. You got it. So as you're moving through here, you get a little close up to the trees and the flora here. A little bit of light that you can muster from the moonlight.

You imagine during the day, this might be a beautiful area. You see pops of color and there is a vibrance here. All the growth here is extremely healthy. Overgrown, you would say, at this close to the mineral-rich gorge. The air around here still carries that chemical and sulfur smell from the interior of the chasm,

but now there's an earthy, almost sickly sweet wind that occasionally cuts through the smell as you move across the edge. That natural earthiness with an extremely potent pollen-like smell, like a very sweet flower scent with other natural scents that come through with the occasional of the wind. It's chilly, but you're surrounded

by very, very lush greeneries. You push through the trees and the tangle. Now that I have a little bit more context with the lush mineral forest and the chilly breeze, does that clue me in a little bit more to my three potential locations from earlier? Yeah, is it forest or jungle? It's hard to see this close up.

If it's forest, it's extremely overgrown forest. You don't see any of the trees that look like jungle vines or anything, but the brush, the ferns, the tree canopies themselves are extremely thick. Do they look humid? Or not really? You would think that, but the air itself isn't that humid,

especially as you pull out of the gorge in which that moisture that exists in there by the thermal activity is more sparse. You do hear the rushing of a nearby river a little ways into your journey, and you do see, eventually, there's a river that cuts through and then turns into a waterfall

that cascades down into the gorge, which was part of that distant hissing sound that you heard as you climbed. You realize now one of those sounds was a waterfall not too far from where you had landed. Which is different than the clicking sound? Yes. Okay. Okay.

Clicking sound never quite caught up to you guys. But continuing on for another hour into the night, following that path, it's slow moving, careful. So no more context clues to where we might be? Sorry, coming back to your context clues here. If you were in Wildemount, you would likely not be able to see Ruidus if it was still where it was when you left.

If time has shifted and changed and it's moved to a different location in the world, that would mix it up. But if you, if this was, if Rudis was still lingering over where it was in Marquet, you would not be able to see it from Wildemount. Great, no further answers. Good.

Who knows? There's no, honestly, we could be in a whole nother plane. We could. I guess we'll show up in Feywild, motherfucker. Mona, what year is it? And I know that neither Amy or I know the year. Yeah. What year is it?

What year is it? What year is it? Mona. Angela. Jonathan. Hey, Dungeon Master. Dungeon Master. Which one is it? No.

Of course, I am. Danny. No, I got it. I got it. I have my notes here, hold on. All I want to know is, is it the same year that I woke up in? Your month, 843 PD.

Your month day. Or just to double check, it's what day, if we are all sharing the same day. Are we on the same time? Does the answer surprise us? Let's say it at the same time, ready? 837 PD. 8 837 grassy gnome. Grassy gnome. Nailed it.

Nailed it in one. It's your stretcher name. Grassy gnome. Grassy gnome plus the name of your first pet. Oh, that gets awkward. Okay, yeah. This is perfect. All right. No, I would say you would be

asking this question. I can pull this over. We would know what day it is, but we would know if we vanished on the same, well. I just want to know if we error jumped. Mm-hmm. Or if we went to Exandria 832.

Mm-hmm. Instead of our 831. Right. For the sake of my, I'm not working, I can't remember my notes, the date is pretty spot on. So you haven't, there hasn't been a lapse of time. In fact, it's the same evening

where the beginning of the Apogee Solstice kicked in. Cool. So that five minute discussion took four seconds. Gotcha. Mm. Dandy. I can tell because of my cycle, you know, too. Yes. We're the same date.

Just, just, yes. I got it, my mother's a midwife. A woman. Yeah, no. Midwife. Midwife, I grew up around a lot. Yes. You've seen Riley, yeah. Don't have one of those anymore. Oh no.

Lucky you. It's kind of a perk. Yeah, I'll say. Okay, so what time of day is it? Is it nighttime and middle of the night? Middle of the night. You've been journeying for an hour or two at this point, both climbing up the side of the cliff

as well as along the side of the gorge, heading in the direction of the- Do we see any lights, any kind of civilization, anything at all that would suggest we're close to a settlement or anything? Nothing in the gorge. You make a perception check. Once again, unfortunately is, unfortunately,

the outside of it seems to rise up like a bowl of shadow up into the horizon, and you can just see a little bit of red moon. So we're still, we're in a flat forest area, but still in the gorge. You're on the very edge of it, like where the lip of it ended, and the rest of the area around it

is filled with this forest. We maybe get a vantage point at the top one of these trees? Yeah, we could do that. Yeah, thanks. All right, I'll climb a tree and try to see in the dark. Okay. I'll spot you.

And I send Pâté with him. Okay. Who's that? Oh my goodness, I'm so rude! I should have introduced you. This is Pâté. Oh, he's. You see what looks like a bird flies over. The closer it gets, you realize the body is less of a bird body and more like a dangling possum

or a rat. Fuck. It has wings, but the wings are torn rib cages that are torn open and the flesh now becomes the inside of the wings itself. The head is a skinless, fleshless bird skull. Immediately swoops down and goes, Hey, nice to meet you! Oh! Hello. He's very nice. Hey!

You okay? He's great. He's a little creepy. He was my sanity project several years ago. Like a rink? Yeah, he came alive one day. Nice to meet you. You too. You behave.

Hey, listen to me. What? Behave yourself. Don't get weird, don't get creepy. Eyes up here. Exactly. I know you. What do I have eyes? Oh, well, whatever up here. Pitch black voids. Sockets, yeah. Up here. Pitch black voids. Got it. S. Oh, well. Whatever up here.

Pitch black voids. Sockets. Yes, up here. Got it. Situated, understood, processed, all good. Good, good. Come on, you! It loops up after Orym. No such thing as a sanity clause. Up we go.

All right. With Mona's help, would Mankind Athletics check with advantage? Yeah! What's that say? That's a tiny number. That's a 14 plus, what am I doing? Athletics. Athletics.

Then that's an 18. 18, not bad. You climb up to the top of this tree. The trees on the edge of the gorge are probably some of the taller ones, based on the proximity to the mineral. As you climb up to the top and just begin to push through the canopy, you have a the proximity to the mineral. As you clamber up to the top and just begin to push through the canopy,

you have a better perspective on the surrounding. And this is indeed a rolling valley. What bit of detail you can make out in the proximity, it just looks like the lush blanket of the rolling forest around. Go ahead and make a perception check for me. Roll Bilbo back and zing it. Yeah.

But it's dark, so straight roll, right? Yes. That is perception, you say? Yes. It is a dirty 20. Dirty 20. You can see breaks beyond it, where it looks like the valley becomes less forest dense and more grassy hills.

You can see some hills that rise up high in some places. You also can see above the weave of the ley lines gathering, a little bit what you would guess if the moon is south, in a northeastern, eastern direction, to a similar nexus point. Probably a number of miles off, 20, 50, you're not sure. Are these intersections,

where it strikes and splits off? Where they all pulled from different areas, and some overlap and some combine and some come together, but you see them all conjoining into one bright rainbow gathering web of arcane energy up in the air. Not unlike one you saw above Amalia's Key earlier this evening. You can see, in that direction as well,

there are little lights along parts of the distant valley. With a 20, you do see a township loosely in that same direction. Is that deviating from our direction towards Ruidus? That would be in eastern northeast, yes. That's an opposite direction. But it's toward a cluster of the? Yeah, near one of these nexus points.

To the northeast beyond that, you can see a massive mountain range that rolls beyond that. It climbs a decent height, but it seems to encompass about a quarter of the perspective in that direction of the night. Past a certain point, it just becomes shadow before you can see where the mountains break. the perspective in that direction of the night and past a certain point, it becomes shadow before you can see where the mountains break.

To the north, where that mountain range subsides, there is one singular mountain that rises higher than any you've ever seen. Just one spire-like peak that seems to climb up to the point where it disappears into a little bit of cloud cover that's gathered in that space. And the only reason you can see it

is because a little bit of starlight is glistening off of the snow cap that encompasses the majority of its peak from the center up. I've read a decent amount. Have I read where the highest mountains in the world are? Roll a history check. It's not a high DC.

Oh, damn. Super low roll. 12. 12? Yeah. Unfortunately, not quite crossed your attention, but maybe you can find somebody who knows later. To the far west and southwest. A very tall and dangerous-looking mountain range consumes about a third of the horizon.

Like a crown of teeth, it just marks this deep shadow that leaves the entire western side of this valley. You sense like you don't even want to travel near it almost. To the south, in the direction of Ruidus, you can see beyond this valley where the hills roll, some other small little bits of mountain ranges come to an end.

And you're familiar with this site. Beyond that, faint glittering on water. Of an ocean that stretches far beyond from the landmass that you currently stand on. What's the place we've never been? Issylra. But is that where the jagged, cracked? The jagged teeth,

the resident's called the Shattered Teeth? Shattered Teeth. Right? Shattered Teeth is elsewhere. Well, that's Wildemount, right? That's south of Wildemount. I don't know where we are. Elsewhere from what? Because Liam's talking. Yeah, right? That's not the Wild Note. I don't know where we are. Elsewhere from what? Because Liam's talking.

Yeah, totally. Well, the way we find out is we head towards a town. Honestly, not to tell you your business, but I think you need to sleep at some point. I'd feel a lot better if you'd. Were you talking to me? Oh, I thought you guys had come down. Never mind, keep fucking up. Orym. No.

Pate. There. Popped ahead. I need to see you Pate. There. Pop the head. I'm going to see you get in your house. Okay. So there's mountains. We're in a nexus point of a lot of goddamn mountains, but there were towns or homes

and a village or town of some kind. So I think new plan. or homes and a village or town of some kind. So I think new plan, we head towards civilization of any kind. I like that plan. Place to sleep, place to find out where we actually fucking are. Yeah.

All right. Does the river that we found follow along that way? It furthers more, it goes directly east, which goes somewhat in the direction that you found follow along that way? It furthers more. It goes directly east, which goes somewhat in the direction, but you probably have to eventually diverge unless the river itself continues that direction. But from where you're seeing now, it's going eastward.

Sorry. How long a trek did that look like to reach that? With that perception roll, you're not entirely sure. You don't have enough light here in the middle of the night. You just saw it and gathered a ballpark distance. It could be five miles, 20 miles, 100 miles. It's hard to tell. Jesus. Well, why don't we follow the river

until we need to split from it? Cities tend to pop up around rivers. You're very smart. I like you. Yeah, you're very smart. I can tell. It's nice to have a new friend, especially with such a stressful time we have. Listen, if you want to jump on my back at any point,

I can take it. Oh my goodness. Give your knee a break. It's great. You're so strong, too. Yeah, I'm strong. What do you do? What's your occupation?

I'm in a new fucking business, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's walk and talk. It's good to have a friend. All right. I feel seen. All right, so you progress, following the river to the eastward direction, deep into this forest along the ridge, taking it stealthily or not.

Slower speed at stealth, but careful is largely unseen. I don't know if this is helpful at all, but I think I might have darkvision. Indeed, that does help you see things. So maybe I should go up to the front and see if I can see anything past. Sure.

Just to see, and then we can decide whether we should go stealthily or not. I also still have Pass Without a Trace, so we can move at some decent speed if we're so inclined. I don't want to take all night getting there. Pass Without a Trace. I'll spend some Pass Without a Trace.

It's 100 miles, it's going to take. It's going to take all night. But at least we'll get closer. Yes. All right, so I think moving at a very reasonable speed with Pass Without a Trace is probably the way to go. Okay, so everyone go ahead and make a stealth check for me.

And add 10. Okay. Add 10 to whatever? Whatever you roll. Oh. Okay, but not my stuff. Yeah, you add that, too, so it's all combined. Oh, wow. So you're going to have a redic. Okay, let's see.

Let's do some quick myth. So that's 34. Doing so we're going to have a redic. Okay, let's see. Let's do some quick meth. So that's 34. Doing some quick meth over there? We're just doing a little meth. That's what you guys party? Mona bringing it to Bells Hells here. All right, so that's 34. 24.

What'd I roll? 30, 20. That's what it was. Okay, 30, 20, and? 29. 24. What'd I roll? Dirty 20. That's what it was. Okay, dirty 20, and? 29. 29. Fantastically quiet, and as you watch Ashton focus a bit of their essence outward and all the shadows grow even darker around the spaces where you walk, and the ground gets softer

as you step forward. It's been a bit since you've felt even this confident in stealthing through natural spaces. It feels nice. But the four of you begin to trek alongside the sound of the nearby river as it begins to fill the air with its own din, the rushing and clattering of it against stone and rock.

You hear the occasional loud owl or evening hunting creature, kind of talking to each other through the branches. Keeping an eye out, you're up front. Go ahead and make a perception check for me. Mm-hmm. Oh, oh, wait, hold on. 19!

19, not bad. Peering through the shadow, because of your dark vision, one, you have a very clear idea of the trees before you and any possible divots or pitfalls or any creatures that may be lying in wait, but you do help guide everyone through some of the more helpful to your ankles continued support pathways. The jungle floor here is rather tangled

and filled with various roots and traps that can pull you or knock you over. But what really catches your attention is a small little fire, a little source of flame that you immediately notice the flicker of it. She said, how far? About 200, 300 feet off. Okay.

Wait. There's a fire. What do you think? Can I make out, once I see it, can I make out how many people or folk are around it? With your passive perception, even just glancing over there,

you don't see any people walking around. You don't see an encampment or anything. You just see a very, very small, the saddest little campfire you've ever seen. I mean, how many people got displaced? We don't know if everybody got shuffled around the bloody planet. Everything's all toxic to me.

Maybe that's just someone dealing with what they got. Consider Patay. Well. Patay's great when you get to know him. Yeah. Well, he wouldn't talk to him. He would just do a flyby. I don't think that helps. He needs to talk.

No, that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't make him talk. I would just make him scout. That... To do a flyby. I don't think that help. He needs to talk. No, that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't make him talk. I would just make him scout. To do a flyby. Okay, that makes sense. Okay. High, like high in the trees is what you're talking about.

Yeah, it was just very high altitude. Spy mission. Okay, because he's a flying dead cat with his guts out. He's a dead rat. I know what he is. No, I didn't want to say it, but he presents as...

No, he commits. He knows his fair share. That's okay, as long as you know it, as long as you own it. You're proud of who you are, right, buddy? Yeah, yeah, of course I am. You made me, all magic. Oh boy.

I love you. I love you, too. All right, here's what you're going to do. Okay. You see that fire in the distance. Yeah, right. Do not make yourself seen. All can do that. Just do a little loop-de-loop.

Come right back, come. You got it, let's do it. Roll stealth check for me. Does Patty get any of Ashton's Pass without a trace? Or it disappears once you leave Ashton's? Once you're far enough away, it doesn't matter. Yeah, you're far enough away. Well, the range is when it's cast,

it can still carry you for a bit. Yeah. He has a high stealth, actually. But I will say, because he probably was not on your mind when you cast the spell. Probably not. I'd say probably not. Ooh! It's better than any roll I've had all night! 23.

23. 23. Coasting through the trees until spinning around. There looks to be a small clearing where a cart of some kind is settled at rest. There are some... An open cart or a covered wagon or? No, just a simple cart.

Okay. There is what looks to be kind of like a... not quite like a reindeer, but a similar sort of forest, kind of colder climate beast of burden that is affixed to the front that is currently eating something.

It looks like there are some supplies there and there is a small campfire where something is being put on it to burn and pick up the embers a bit. And there is a humanoid figure that is currently warming their hands at the fire. Can I notice any weaponry next to them? Anything that might look like

malicious ill intent? A little perception check for Pâté. 18. 18. Hard to make out too much detail beyond just the bright light, especially to be unseen in the flyby, but no visible axes or swords or anything hanging at their side.

You can see some tools. With actually the pate's 18 perception, though, there are some nearby branches that are broken off. Yeah. Does the Beast of Burden look like Yakul, the red elk from Princess Mononoke? His distant cousin. Parents were related.

Very distant cousin. Just seems to be a single person, like a merchant, maybe? Just traveling with a single cart. person, like a merchant, maybe? Just traveling with a single card. Could be nice to get a little bit of warmth and see what they're about. Worst case, there's four of us. One of them.

Yeah, I'm not worried. Why don't you and I mosey up and say hi from a distance so they're not, no one makes any sudden movements, you know, at the last second? You are the more normal looking out of the photo. Yes, I know, I'm so intimidating. Part of the charm.

You've just gotten used to it. Yeah. Oh. All right, so let's head on over. Not even going to try to be stealthy at this point, although I'm not going to go crashing through the woods. And once we're, I don't know, 50 feet away, hello?

Excuse me? Good gosh, could you come to the table for me, please? Hey, buddy, welcome, welcome! Shh! Okay. Hi. I can't freaking do this. Welcome. Guys, it's about to go down. It's about to go down. All right, so. Yeah, right? As you are in the center of this forest,

the fire in front of you, you hear a voice introducing themselves or getting your attention from just beyond this small little cracked grove. What do you do? I freak out. Oh my god, what is that? I turn towards the direction.

Not very good at this, but I close my eyes and I fire off a crossbow into the darkness, hoping I hit something. Fuck. Oh. But Pettadee didn't notice. It was one of the tools in the side right there. It was a crossbow hanging off the edge. Jeez, Pettadee.

And then goes firing off into the wood. I'd say, roll an attack with disadvantage. You bumblefuck. Is that this one? Yes, you got that. Is this towards my voice or Pâté's flap? Towards the voice that I heard. Roll it again and take the lowest.

Yeah, so disadvantage, you roll twice and take the lowest. It's a one. That's even better. You go even better. It was a five and a one. The man even better. You go even better. It was a five and a one. The man turns around, fires a crossbow, and the bull goes.

Shit! It was misloaded. Oh. So not unexpected, given my track record. I turn around and I run. I start running away. Okay, you don't have quite a chance to get a good look at this figure before they just yell and start running deeper

into the forest away from you. Hey, okay, that didn't start well. We're just looking for some fire. We can talk at a distance. Hello? Stay where you are! Okay. I can't see you.

Maybe just come a little bit closer. All right, I'll come to your fire. Me and M- Shh. Don't say it. I'm going to come to the fire. My friends are a little ways back.

I promise we're just looking for somewhere to plunk down for the night. I say as I move closer. I was looking for somewhere to plunk down for the night, too. Can I go around while this is happening? Can I go around and see if I can get on the other side of him? Yeah, make a stealth check for me. Oh, man. I assume we can hear all of this right now. Oh, yeah. You both aren't too terribly far off.

22! 22. What's your passive perception? What about Pass Without a Trace? I don't have that. You got it from Ashton. Oh, so I do. Oh, so 32.

12. Your passive perception? This? Your passive perception is 12. 12. Yeah, so you managed to scoot around unseen. Just barely. Just barely. Just barely. Just to see if he pulls another stun,

I can fucking knock him out or something. Okay. So I'm coming up, hands in the air, blade is sheathed on my back. You see a little guy, just a little guy, who's barely above three feet tall with a shield and a sword on his back, arms up in the air.

You got a clear shot at me. I'm really not looking for any trouble. I'm just, I'm lost. My friends and I are lost, real lost. Me too. I have no idea where I am. I was, oh, you want to know who you see? I thought I couldn't see you yet.

Because you went off and ran. Oh yeah. But what you would see, Mona, as you sneak around in the shadows, go ahead and describe what Mona sees. I'm just checking the dandy notes here. You see a half-elf. He's built like a coat hanger.

Long, light. He's 6'4, but appears way smaller. He never stands up straight. About 200 pounds, so yeah, he's soaking wet. Long, delicate fingers. He appears to be a young man, but you're not really sure what his age is. No scars, markings, no tattoos.

Brown skin with shades of green and gold. Kind of a little glow to him, totally unkempt, mangy hair, and his eyes, you can see in the dark, are large. They're gold, amber, with very dilated pupils. And he's basically got a face that carries the expression of like, what the fuck is going on at all times? He's an innocent.

He looks innocent. He's not what you want to be in this world. No armor. He's a farmer. I'm a farmer. I got a green cloak. It's made of rough wool, whatever we had around the house.

Leather shoes and a potato sack, basically, with rope pulled together. And I have a crossbow, as you now know. And some other stuff. And should I tell them what weapons I have on me? No, they haven't seen anything. Yeah, go fuck yourself. I think from the other side of him,

I'll just yell to Orym, I think I found another dead one. You hear this voice from right behind you. What? Ah! And then, do I fire off another? No, I'm going to go fucking loco. Okay.

No, that's not it. What do you want to do? What do you want to do? I'm going to shoot, hold on, let me go to my spells. I'm going to shoot a fifth level. Farming spell. Turnip trap. Lightning bolt.

Oh no! Did you say fifth level? Yeah, I'm going to shoot a fifth level lightning bolt. Oh boy. What? This is war! Towards the voice? Towards me? Towards the voice, knowing, not really sure where it is, right?

You got it. So you just turn around with the sound of the voice and release a lightning bolt. So, Moana, as you're sitting in the shadow, the figure spins around and you just see this bright glow of energy, and you hear this crack of thunder and a flash of bright light.

Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. I will say with advantage because you don't see the source, so it's hoping to catch you. With advantage? Oh, well. Natural small. Donated. Dang! Oh, that's going to be 24.

All right, so go ahead and roll damage, and you take a half damage. Which one is it? With the d6s, you go ahead, and that would be 10d6. Oh my god. Here we go. Good grief! What the F? Do you need The d6s, you go ahead and that would be 10d6. Here we go. Good grief! What the F?

Do you need more d6s? No, I think I'm good. Okay. Seven, eight. Seven plus eight is 15. Plus 10, 25, and then 10, 35. One more after this. Oh my lord, oh mercy.

Oh for fuck's sake. Plus 12. One more after this, 35. Oh no, Lord have mercy. Plus 12. 47. 47 points of damage halved. So you take 28? Eight? No, no, no, no, sorry, 20, fuck, 20. Three, 24, 23.

23, I was in the eye. So 23 points of lightning damage to you. How far am I from him? You're about, I'd say, 30 feet, but this goes about 100 feet behind you. You finish the dodge out of the way, it catches you on the side of your hip and you fall to the ground in this sudden pain.

Oh my god, how did I do that? What the fuck? Okay, okay, okay. He's hostile! And I start charging up an Eldritch Blast. No! Are you dead? Are you a dead person? Maybe.

I'm half fucking dead over here. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What's going on? This is escalating way too fast. We're all lost in wherever the hell we are. Please, nobody, fire anything off. Misunderstanding, okay? Oh my god, I- I put my shield on the ground.

I put my sword on the ground. I'm defenseless. Anyone who wants to drop me can. And I sit down, crisscross applesauce in front of the fire. Oh, cute. Okay. Can we just sit by the fire, please? I'm a little, I'm a little unhinged right now,

so I let go of my Eldritch Blast, but I want to fire it right to the left of his head. Just as a little bit of a warning shot. Roll to attack to ensure. Shortest episode appearance ever. We're all a little traumatized. 21. 21. This undead-looking, scraggly woman

who's charging this energy, releases it, and she goes right past your head by an inch. Oh. Thank you. Oh boy. Okay, yes. Yes, I agree. Truce. Truce.

I didn't agree on a fucking truce. I can help you. Okay, well, come help. So can I crawl over, sort of like, get over there. You now see this dwarven woman clutching her side crawling out of the nearby shadow. So, oh my god. I'm going to fucking regret this.

I already do. I'm so sorry. Yeah. My name is Bordor, Bordor Dogson. I'm not the son of a dog. My father trained sheepdogs. We're sheepherders. I'm obviously not the son of a dog. Anyway, let me help you.

I cast, can I do Secure Wounds? Yes, you can. Second level. Two, d8, which one is, hey guys at home, is this a D8? That's the one. Yeah, the diamond D1. So seven and five is 12 plus four, so 16. 16 points. Do I get 16 back?

You do. All right. So you've been farming a long time? I'm freaking sorry. All right, we'll see. Can I use my Side of Hand to see if I could surreptitiously steal something innocuous from him that I will maybe give back later?

Something on his body? Sure. Go ahead and roll Side of Hand. Just teach him a lesson. Who's that shit at? That is going to be a 19. 19. What's something that she finds on your body without you noticing that she pockets?

Um. That's a good question. Let's... Maybe I just give him a big ass wedgie. I have a, I have, I have a sling on my back. Okay. Yeah, I'll take that sling. Okay, just pull it out of the way?

Yeah. You're welcome. But not in there. Yeah. Macro. Mm-hmm. Carefully. Oh my. That was not cool of me. I'm really sorry.

I'm very scared. I have no idea where I am or what's going on. I was, I was on the mountain and then I was with, with my sheep and I've never, are you dead? It's complicated, but a little bit of yes and a little bit of no. You are stunning to look at. Oh my God. Unbelievable. Wow. Well, You guys all, I don't really meet many people. Where were you yesterday? I was on the mountain. Which mountain?

I was in the Sirius Mountains of the Dwendalian Empire. Oh shit. Dwendalian? No, you got it. What the fuck? You got it. I can see it in my mind's eye. Wildemount.

Pride's Call. Yep. You want to give us your fucking street address? I wish I could. We don't have many neighbors. It's just us on the mountain. And you're a sheep herder. It's what I've been doing since I was a boy, yes. Yes.

Well, thank god we're saved now. I was tending to the sheep at night and I felt a humming all around me. I've been alone. I've been sort of alone. I've been caring for my sick brother. He's... What's wrong with him? He is my brother. He's got a fever.

He's had the fever for three weeks. Oh, that's not good. He's burning up. He looks... Like me. Yeah. I was tending to my brother, and I felt this warm hum around me and then I looked at him and a voice came into my head. He didn't speak to me, but I heard something.

A droning of sorts and then my face got hot and I felt a pain in my forehead and then I ended up here. Did it happen to sound like the voice of a very pretentious man? Yeah, maybe it's a- Smarts don't stink. Jeez.

Someone smart, for sure. Someone who sounded like they knew what they were talking about. So you're a farmer. You throw around a lot of lightning on the farm? No, no, that's a new thing. Hmm, it's a new thing. Well, as far as I know, since I got here,

these things have just been happening. How long have you been here? Couple of hours. Yeah. How did you, what made you discover that you leave in here? A couple of hours. Yeah. How did you... What made you discover that you had magic ability? Well, she said there was a dead one, and then a fucking lightning bolt came out of my hand. But, ze seem truthful.

Go ahead and make an insight check. I'm too far to even think about that. 21. 21. You can roll a persuasion or deception check. Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your skill. But, uh. I'll roll, I'll roll.

You don't have to tell us. You don't have to say which one. I don't have to tell you. Yep, you just pick which one and then go ahead. Never know. You'll never know. And then. Here we go.

What does a beer can mean? Natural 20. It's a natural 20. Oh! That's the grog dice. That's the grog dice. First, both of you guys got natural 20s on the way in. That's great. So yeah, I mean,

seems to be telling the truth. All right, you said you're a sheep farmer? Yeah. You got any cheese on you? I do. What food do I have on me? Actually. I've got cheese now. You would have had whatever food was in the cart that dropped into space with you.

How'd you know? Which the cart itself somewhat damaged. You have a little bit of meat, some grain, and looks like some hunted squirrels, and not a whole lot. I've got cheese. You've got cheese, too? Yeah, I've got cheese.

Wow, okay. If you would like to join me by the fire and please accept my apologies, I don't see many people. This is very new for me. I have meat. I have some wool if you're cold. We're all going through it, too. We three were together somewhere else.

In markets. Yeah, and you, are we saying your name? Mona. Mona. Sorry about the... That's all right, I guess. We'll see. I was on Tal'Dorei. I was about to go give a piece of my mind to my fucking ex-fiancee when I got zapped out of there,

and here I am. That sounds horrible for him. A bolt in my side, named Dogdor. Bordor. Bordor. Dog's son. Dog's son. We're very good sheepherders. What was your name? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Orym.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Ashton. Ashton, pleasure. This is all mine. Laudna. Laudna. And this is Pate. Hey, how's it going? You see this weird little undead rat thing with a bird skull?

He looks like this. Hey, how'd you do that? Oh my god. That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Thank you. He's the best chef. He's fierce.

That's alive? Well, kind of like me, sort of, is really the answer. What a day. Well, please of like me, sort of, is really the answer. What a day. Well, please, please, anything that's mine is yours. Please, just accept my apologies.

I want no trouble. We approach you in the dark. No hard feelings. I should have gone through his cards. No, no, I'm going to go into the pantry. We'll see what he has. We've gotten something together, some fucking food. I'm going to throw out what looks like a giant carpet,

but is in fact just a weird black hole and then jump into it. Oh shit. Open up a Looney Tunes hole. Yeah, Looney Tunes hole. What are you doing there? Going through the pantry. Hold on, I've got some cheese and shit down there.

Oh my goodness. We got rid of the people, right? What? I don't think we did. Oh my god. We got rid of the people, right? What? I don't think we did. Oh yeah. What? Oh fuck. What people? What people?

That's right. You glance down. Are there dead people in here? As we're having this conversation, you look down and see what looks to be a handful of bodies wearing red- More fucking dead people! what looks to be a handful of bodies wearing... More fucking dead people! Red-colored robes.

Laudna, do you mind grabbing what we need off of this and getting rid of the rest? I start tossing them out of the hole. Okay, here's the thing. Strength is not my thing. What do you want me to do with this? Oh, just take the armor or the cloak off, whatever is useful.

Here's the thing. Our little trio has had a rough few days and we came directly from a real bad place where people were trying to kill us. And these fellows did not succeed, and we were trying to get out of there in a hurry. So this is a terrible story and I'm making it worse, but I promise that these were not good people.

Sorry, it did not occur to me what this would look like from the outside. I've never seen a dead body before. But it's going to make the cheese smell weird if we don't deal with it now. Immediately get rid of it. Sorry, it did not occur to me what this would look like from the outside. I've never seen a dead body before. But it's going to make the cheese smell weird if we don't deal with it now. Immediately get rid of it. You've never seen a dead body before.

Oh no, no, not a murdered one, that's for sure. Today's your lucky day. There's a really nice boot that I'm taking off of them. If anyone wants any new. I've still got some bread and cheese, and I think we've got some bottles. It was like table wine, you know, not the good, so I'm just going to come up with.

That's fine, that'll do. Maybe I'll get some more wood. Like, you said the fire was kind of puny and sad. Yeah. Maybe I pick up some logs. Yeah, there's a number of broken branches not that far off from someone falling from a height. Oh! I'm going to show you my kit.

You said I have an animal with me? Oh, the picture. There is, attached to the cart, a kind of... Donkey thing? It's like a reindeer, but a little bit larger. Weight?

It can. It's used to pulling a cart. So much. Yeah. If you want my reindeer to help move the dead bodies, we can... We'll say two for now. I think it was two. I think so, yeah.

You have a reindeer? Yes. I poke my head out. Behold. You glance over. Yeah, this is Ratchet. Ratchet. That's a good name, actually. Hi, Ratchet.

You're slightly cooler. I go back in and... Yeah, Ratchet, whatever they need. Can you talk to Ratchet? No, I just protect. Oh, okay. Orym, you hear, the faintest bit of a crack

of branches nearby. What? Forget about the dead bodies. I slowly load my crossbow. Can I look down at my whip? Yeah. Is anything happening? You feel it slightly buzzing in your grip

as you go and touch it. Does your whip talk to you? No, it's just like, I don't know, it just heats me up a little bit. I think something's coming along. Um. Don't fire lightning. Let's get ready. Oh, wait.

Fire up and hold. What do I do? An Eldritch Blast. All right. Are there, we got trees around us, too? Fire up and hold. What do I do? An eldritch blast. All right. I'm ready. Are there, we got trees around us, too? You got many trees clustered around us. There's just this partial clearing with some of the broken branches

and where the cart sits. Are we waiting or do we say something? It's not like we can't see a fire. I don't know if it's, can I tell if it sounds like steps in the brush or it's too faint? Make a perception check. Does the fire help me get my regular perception back?

Within the immediate vicinity, sure, yeah. Natural 20. Hey! Plus nine, so. Indeed. You see, between some of the nearby trees, there is a figure walking quietly through,

approaching the glow of the light and the sound of conversation that up until recently was filling the space. Some sort of a scout is glancing from the shadows and slowly approaching. Aggressively? Carefully. With my foot, I push a dead body back into the hole.

I just go for far, man. Jesus, Rowan. Should we get in the hole? I wouldn't. Okay. Okay, shit coming in. Hello? I see you there. Hello?

I hide behind Laudna. All right. Impressive, if you will. Actually, you're one of the few people that probably could. Yes. Emily, if you wouldn't mind joining us at the table, please. Oh! Which side, which side?

Hey! I don't know, which side? Oh! She's coming, she's coming. No! I'm right here. Where? Hey! Yay! Where? Hey!

Yay! Welcome! Yay! I forgot my pen. Does anyone have one? I got one. We're all ready, Sharon. We've got you. Hi!

Hi! Welcome to the table. Oh my. Everyone here is super lost, and we have wine and cheese and meat. Oh, I think I'm not stealthing up at all. I am here, dispatched on a mission, and I want to meet people.

All right, then as you step out of the shadow that is naturally cast by the darkness here, you also pick up quickly, this person is walking with intent as they approach the campsite. Yeah, think Greenpeace clipboard person. That kind of intensity. Outside of a Whole Foods. And you, yeah, with that intensity,

you see I'm sort of like a elf from the Shadow Realm. So I'm like a goth-looking elf with pointy teeth, pointy ears, emo girl tattoos that are runes, but runes instead of song lyrics, and a little raven on my shoulder. But I am dressed in the formal attire of a mage's apprentice.

So I have a little academic beret, academic blazer, total indoor kid vibes. I've got little silk stockings that are already torn in several places, little mage booties that probably are only meant to climb a library bookcase ladder. Yeah. And also, the most important thing

is that you see that I'm probably, I am with, I am coming out of a tense conversation with a book. Hello. Hi. Do any of you, or all of you, if I am so lucky, have time to participate in a short, brief survey about your experience with the Apogee Solstice?

Whoa. Fucking sucked. Okay, I love your enthusiasm. Can I just? One star. Zero stars. Okay, I will take your note of that. It seems so soon to already have bureaucratic surveys being done.

Yes, well, don't underestimate the forethinking of the Cobalt Soul. And then I show off a little insignia. Do we know what that is? Or would any of us know what that is? A number of you have probably heard of it. Was it that monk? Did Beauregard introduce herself as Cobalt Soul?

Yeah, I'm trying to recall. I believe so. Maybe not. I'm certain if that was part of the meaning. If any of you needs a little primer on the Cobalt Soul, it's crazy that you guys haven't heard of it because it is the premier academic institution in Exandria. But basically, we, I'm just an apprentice so far,

but I think I can still say we, right? Apprentices are part of the organization. Like, you should take ownership in your station. But don't forget to remember your place. Okay. Yeah, right, okay. Wait, who'd that word that cover? That was a sourc, okay. Wait, who'd that, where'd that come from? That was a sourceless voice.

Wait! Denyus? You have a friend? Denyus? Hold on, just one second. I'm just going to stay with me, though, but I'm going to leave. Denyus, I'm going to need you to not talk back to me in front of these people, because if I lose- Now, why are you calling me by my real fucking name

is the good question. What? What? Denise? No, I was saying Dan-ee-os. Oh, whoops. I start rolling up the port-a-mole. Are you Mona or Denise now? I'm going Denise, now you know.

Denise is also a very pretty name. They're both good. You look like Denise and Mona. I thought you said Denise. Cross out Mona. Who are you talking to? Okay, so when the Cobalt Souls sent me here, I'm not exactly of the standard. Basically, they sent me with a sentient book chaperone.

Introduce yourself. She holds up this tome of black and brown leather with silver runes inscribed along. It's a beautiful book. On the front, you can see, where the folds of leather are, there's this scrunched face that's pressed into the front of it.

And it kind of, there are no eyes, there's just these small wrinkled slits where the eyes would be, and the mouth slightly opens, and he goes, Hello, I am her assigned chaperone for her research. And um. We're not getting along, if it's not obvious. I think he does. Yeah, so I'll just say it. I'm just going to say it. Can I just say it? I'm going to say it.

Denios is a mage that was trapped in this book during a rivalry, and then somehow the Cobalt Soul got their hands on this book. Now he is my boss, kind of. So you're just airing his dirty laundry out there. Yes, it's amazing how quickly she does that. Do you know where the fuck we are? You two smart people, where are we? Well, last I knew, we were at the Cobalt Soul and they gave me this little questionnaire to ask anyone, and they said,

we don't know where you're going to go. We know you get sick when you teleport, so we're just going to let you get shunted. And then we just appeared here, and I was really hoping for a city, right? Don't you remember we talked and I was like, god, here we get a city. The intent was to go ahead and have us transported

to one of the various major metropolis cities that were nearby or in proximity to one of the Nixuses. And instead we were sent somewhere in the middle of nowhere, which is wondrous, isn't it? It's so weird because our job is to collect firsthand experiences with the Apogee Solstice, and there's not exactly a good statistical sample size here. No, no, this does not look well for your first real outing, does it?

I think it's going to take Polly on your return. Yeah, I know, and I think it's going to really make it hard for me to get finally promoted from an apprentice if I can't get some of the sample. Where did you and your dad come from that you said that? But so you left, so you got put here when? Before the solstice or after? Do you hear the voice? Do you hear the crack?

Do you see the sky? I hear the voice and see the crack. You were stepping outside of the library to prepare for the shifting of your being sent, haphazardly teleported to a location where you could check in on the experiences of the solstice, when you would have likely heard some conversation sourcelessly, but you were also surrounded

by a lot of other people that were talking, and then just here. There was just a lot of talk, really. So I don't really remember a voice, but I knew that I was going to arrive somewhere else, so I'm not really freaking out. Did your organization knew that everyone was going to get punted across the globe?

Well, I don't really know what they knew, because like I said, I'm an apprentice and I'm not really privy to a lot of the bigger information, but they did know that it was going to be an unprecedented, world-changing, cataclysmic event. Wait, wait, wait. Cataclysmic? This is why I don't fucking trust organizations, because they knew it was happening.

Any of them. Okay. Especially you and your dad. This is my personal home right now. I've known him since I was a father. You're acting like a father. So what did you know, and when did you know it? You knew that people were going to be punted all over and you didn't say anything?

You didn't warn anybody? That's nice. I'm going to give it to you really straight. Please. Up until yesterday, I've been cleaning quills and emptying out mages' chamber pots. Okay, so my access to information, I think just this was such a big event

that they just scrounged up every single apprentice and just dispatched us all over Exandria to try and find out information. And so that shouldn't make you trust my authority less, though. But I think it will help you understand my predicament, my lack of enthusiasm with being thrust out here with this individual.

You're not getting along with the sassy book, obviously. Sassy book. Can you just, why are you carrying around the book? You can just toss the book, right? Okay, he's my spell book. Right? So all of my access. You don't have them memorized? I don't. The spells?

You got to read them out? I mean, it's like a mage thing, it's the copying, it's the ritual of the copying. Can't write them on your hand? That sounds really boring. I wouldn't write them on my hand because then they would get washed off. Maybe a leaf?

It's just a book, nice, tangible, material book. Please stop shaking me. It's just the smell. Except for this one, I don't like the way he smells, but being in a library, the musty tomes, the smell of milk and tea. Is there anyone else hiding in the woods right now? Please put us out of our fucking misery.

Now's the moment. Now's the moment. Do I know what the Apogee Solstice is? You're a farmer. That's what I thought. What, guys, so sorry. I know I'm way behind here, but what's it? What solstice? Apogee?

Whoa. Well, the apogee solstice. Apogee? Apogee, yeah. I think it means furthest from something. Apogee, yeah. What's going on? You know the red moon,

Rudas? Yeah. It like... exploded. It like... exploded. It met its zenith. It's maybe on Exandria now. Can we take a couple steps to see the beam? It's a bit of a jump, but you can go there if you want. There's a beam?

Yes, you can see the moon. Oh, so you don't know. Does Encyclopedia Xandria over there have fucking eyes or anything? Oh, do you want me to dispatch him? Send him with the dead bird. I don't want to talk to a book that weirds me out, so. Okay, yeah.

Do you all know that shit's gone down? That things have happened? That we have all been teleported to wherever the fuck this is? Right. Because the Apogee Solstice is a complete fucking mess and people have died and people are, I don't even. Yeah, it's, um.

I don't even know where the fuck we're getting. You have to... For the quick of it, the three of us were part of a larger group looking into the very thing you're talking about, and we're at ground zero when it went wrong. It's a big deal. Actually, well, how about this?

Because I want you to seize this opportunity that you have. I do, too. Maybe if we go through your survey, you know, I want you to seize this opportunity that you have. I do, too. Maybe if we go through your survey, your questionnaire, it'll all come out, because it's so much to get through. Yeah, yeah. Very smart. Oh boy. Greetings, people of Exandria. Hi.

Okay. I'm improvising this, but I'm going to pretend like it's written down. I have been dispatched from the Cobalt Soul to collect firsthand accounts of this unprecedented event. Sorry, it's like when you read out loud in class and you get really nervous. I'll be able to kind of think where it's different. Okay.

My name is, oh, here it says I'm supposed to introduce myself and say one fact that's interesting about myself and ask you all to do the same. Okay, I'm Prism, and the interesting fact about me would probably be that until I was 10, I could actually do a back walk over unassisted.

Oh. Are you still that flexible? No, it stopped when I was 10. Oh. Yeah. Right. But it's still pretty interesting. That's the most interesting thing about you. Oh, I mean, I'm.

I think I just fell asleep. Did you? Because you seem very awake. I'm asleep. I'm half asleep. Wow, I can't. Keep going with your thing, please. Well, at this point, you would all then also share with me your names, which I will write down with my trusty quill,

and feel free to include something interesting about yourself. Try and outdo me. Dude, it's fun. Okay. I'm Orym of the Ereshari in Tal'Dorei, and I can still do a back walk. What? No, really?

I didn't think anyone could after 10. Can you do it? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just did it right in front of you. You watched her do it. I'm so fucked up. Can you do it again? Just one more time.

Okay. Holy fuck. That's fucking crazy. I just did a lot of gymnastics growing up. Are you a gymnast now? Sort of. And I pull the blade out lightning quick and pirouette and slam a shot of plant and vine

to a tree 15 feet away and then yank myself to it. You just did that all with so little enthusiasm. Is this foreplay? What? No, no, ha! No, I get my rocks off with books. Well, I mean, reading them. This book, you dad? No, no, no! Okay, you!

I've seen some of those books. Chetney has some. Oh boy. Ah. Ashton, Greymoore. Something interesting about me. He doesn't have to be back-walking related. That's not really into back-walking.

I have a dimensional nexus of infinite personalities and a hole in my head. I don't know, that's pretty good. Why the fuck not? It's time I, yeah. Holy. Why not? That's great. There's a big glass window in my head

that just goes off into a weird little sparkly bit of something. It is disconcerting. That is beautiful. You all are so much more interesting than mages. Can you go in there? I mean, I wouldn't. We had a friend who can do that.

It got very complicated. I wouldn't recommend. Wow, that's something else. Yeah. Okay, what about you? There's so many layers to this conversation. I've given up. Well, my name's Denise, as you so rudely revealed.

What? The S is a money sign. That's awesome. I got gotta fix this retroactively I am gonna retcon it that the S in prism is 2 oh she likes to copy oh wow

wow we got an original live one here here's a fun fact about me I am a scribe so copying is kind of my thing oh that's cute listen my nails are sharp as fucking tacks they can cut glass. Wow. And you see Denise's nails, they're stiletto-shaped,

kind of like these, but so sharp. You don't really know if they can cut glass, but they can definitely pierce skin a little bit. Probably cut glass. Probably cut glass. I like brush cut glass. And you? I'm just, I'm Bordor, dog son,

and I'm just afraid and I need to get back home. You're just afraid. I need to get back home to my brother who's sick. He's sick and he's ill and I have to take care of him and I don't know where we are. I don't know who you are, but I need to leave. And Bordor has newfound abilities. Right, I don't know if, I mean, yeah.

Got a lightning bolt. That's interesting. You lift up, is there a little larger side? I don't know where to do it. Wait, sorry, magic is just happening to you? Well, I guess. Does magic happen to you, too?

No, I studied really fucking hard to get it. Oh. It's like 10 years of apprenticeship. Sure. She doesn't have it memorized or nothing. Right, it's the ritual of the book. It's just a good book. Sometimes the magic is in the book.

I, uh... I don't have a book, but maybe you could teach me. Oh, sure, okay. I really don't know what's going on. Sure, I'll be very, very transparent, like your head, that my magic has not been technically field tested. So I've never cast a spell.

Still completely useless fucking magic people. Tough crowd. Yes, a tough crowd. Okay, and you? The tension. There's a lot of it. I'm Laudna. I also do magic, but I was born with it. I'm naturally born with it. Maybe it was a dead woman in my head. It was, yes. The dead woman's not in my head anymore, I don't think.

Whoa. She's just got natural abilities. That's great, that's great. I just, it's so great that some people get natural abilities. She has a dead rat that flies. Oh my god, he's going to participate in the survey, too! This pate.

Oh my goodness, hello! I haven't seen one of these since the Shadow Realm. So you know? Purchase on your hand. Absolute pleasure. I'll feed him some corn nuts. Make him. Oh, make him. Oh, don't eat. This is interesting.

Just eat it. Don't be rude. Eat it. They're all over the Shadow Realm and they love corn nuts. He's a little wonky. He's, um, he was a craft. He had a nice craft day and then he came alive one day after. Something interesting about you.

Oh me? Oh, my partner is, too. Okay. You got this. I'm Pate. And I'm... What's your last name? Pate de Rollo. And I'm really horny. Oh. An omri lehoni.

Oh. Oh. That's a lot. Do you have a means of release? Well, dead ones. That's just tragic. Death is the greatest release. What the fuck is happening?

Well, thank you all very much for your information. Oh wait, I haven't even asked the questions yet. Right, back to this girl. Okay, question number one. On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate your experience with the Apogee Solstice? Goose egg. Zero.

Yep. Zero. It's one to 10, actually. Well, I mean, maybe like a three. I don't want to be so, well, we, it was. I feel like you're compartmentalizing a little hard right now. I have to, or I will break, and I will not ever be the same.

You pick up some more rustling in the bushes. Your first instinct is, oh, more people have found the source of light, but then as everyone else is talking around you, you focus in as their voices begin to drown out, and it's larger and more consistent, like someone pushing a heavy log through the floor of a forest.

Okay, this could be more people, and I have been deputized to seek out a statistically significant sample. You just shut the fuck up and you just stand right there. You stand right there in the world. Pause the survey for one second. I was just going to go walk over. Shh!

Oh! It's okay. Holding a bottle of wine, hoping for the best, listening really hard. Grab my whip. Kill them, I need them. Shh. It's almost like someone's dragging SAM and LAURA

dozens of ropes across the underbrush. It's hard to really describe in your head what you can equate it to, but it's something, if not non-human, at the very least, it's larger. Slower and consistent. Okay, I'm not going to call out this time. Everybody find a spot.

Is there a tree branch up above me? Yeah, there's a number of branches above. There's some nearby trees. You can see the landscape as it rises up to some nearby cliff edges in the direction. I'm going to take my whip and try to hoist myself up to one of the branches, get a better view, but also hide. Great, make an athletics check for me.

Orym drops the wine, does a back walk over, and climbs up the same tree. It's 14. 14, okay. You can use the whip and pull yourself up. He watches the dwarven woman, Denise, you just met, just vanishes up into the tree above. Then you, as an acrobatics check.

Acrobatics, please. 18. Darts up and also vanishes into the upper tree. Now it's just the four of you standing here. I'll also go ahead and cast Spiderclam on myself. Form of Dread, as I back walk over, but not really. I just go into a crab walk as my head bends back.

So explain for those who are present what you see Lana does. I see it. A form of dread takes over her. You see her eyes start to widen as they go black and black ink starts to pour out of it. It's like almost the surrounding trees starts to pour out of it. As almost the surrounding trees start to sprout out of her neck.

Her veins just start to pop and bulge and extend and break into branches. As her back cracks in an unnatural way, as her shoulders dislocate, go fully behind her, she plops back and then just skitters up the tree. Oh my god. So. And it's just skitters up the tree. Oh my god. So. It's just the three of you now.

Well, unfortunately, I've never seen something so harrowing in my life. I forget where I am, and I scream bloody murder. No! Goddamn it! That's scary, huh? Damn it! That's the scariest shit I've ever seen in my life.

I also vomit all over myself. Vordor just screams out loud, up chugs a little bit. As large, plant-like tendrils begin to reach out and clamber with intense speed, like the floor of the forest itself is coming alive and rushing towards you. That's where we're going to go to break. Oh!

Oh shit! We've been traveling with the Ring Girl for months. He's brand new! Yep. That shit's awful. That's scary. I don't want to see that animated. I don't want to get anywhere near that. I'm sure it is.

This is amazing. This is basically my high school lunch table at this point. This is fucking way too real. God. Love it. We'll take a break here in a minute. First off, welcome to the table, Amy Carrera once again. Yay!

Emily Axford and Utkarsh Ambudkar, thank you so much for coming and joining us for this bit of the adventure. Yes, let's go. Happy to have you for this chaos. We'll be back here in just a few minutes. We'll see you shortly. Thank you for listening to the Critical Role Podcast Network.

This is Marisha Ray, Critical Role's resident creative director with a quick reminder for you. We take the last Thursday of every month off from our typical Campaign 3 adventures. Some months we'll enjoy a short rest and others we'll air a one-shot or just try something new. Since this here podcast feed is on a one-week delay from our

initial broadcasts, that means the first Thursday of the month may look a little different around here. To stay up to date on our latest programming happenings and when our shows will air on Twitch, YouTube, and here on the Critical Role Podcast Network. Check out our weekly programming schedule published to CritRole.com every Monday at 10 a.m. Pacific. And now that you're sufficiently reminded, let's get back to the show. Welcome back. So, as this scattered troop of strange, wandering, out-of-place neardoers, neardwells, heroes, whatever else you want to call yourselves, have gathered. Weirdos. Weirdos, that's the proper term.

The Breakfast Club. Indeed. Gathered around a mid-forest fire, meeting some strange companions, and then hearing the crawling threat of some sort of jungle or forest-based dangerous entity approach. Three of you have leapt into the nearby trees, while the other three of you have a brief moment

to give their reaction as well. What would you like to do before something threatens approach? Ashley? Oh, I'm going to flank over to one side and take cover behind the cart and keep an eye on what's coming. Okay.

I'm going to cast Greater Invisibility on myself, get behind a tree, bonus action, manifest the mind of my wizard's book, and be like, Denyios, I need you to go into the fray. I need you to be brave. Are you serious? Fine.

This is what you were made to do. I understand. Okay? I just wish to do it in my own regard. Yes, well, you know, you have to. We are kind of, we have to work together here. True, true. I'm also going to send my raven with him. Mother, join him.

What? Mother! Mother? She brought her mom and her dad. How cute. Oh my goodness. Stop my dad. Yeah, whatever.

All righty. And Bordor, what are you going to do? She brought her mom and her dad, how cute. Stop my dad! Yeah, whatever. All righty. And Bordor, what are you going to do? I've screamed, I've vomited, and I'm... Yeah, you know what? I'll call out your action. Yeah. I was going to say, what more can I give? Oh! Oh shit!

Oh, it's been months. Give me that map and those minis. Let's see that map. Okay. Okay. I can handle that. I could do it twice. Wow! Oh! It's beautiful.

Oh shit. Anything can happen in the woods. All right, so. Wow, that's gorgeous. Onto this point, we have over here by, actually, you've turned invisible. I'm using some proxies for the minis for the guests. We'll have those shortly.

You're back behind the cart. So here we go. Prism, this represents your invisible self here behind the cart. Ooh! Cute. This represents Vordor, who vomited and screamed. He's also your raven, by the way, out in this space here, if you'd like.

Mother! Mother! Mother, be brave! Mother may sleep in danger. Denise, you are up in this tree here. Yes. Holding tight for the time being. How'd you do that? Putty. That's a Bren Lee Mulligan trick, actually.

Whoa, he taught you that? He did. I can't believe you didn't know that before. No, I did not. It's a very simple pattern. So cool. On this one here. Oh.

Do the, read the, read the, you have to read the map. Oh, I do. Where did it go? Oh my god, the thing is missing. No! There. No! Where is it? It's on the floor. I'm Sam Riegel. Which tree are you up in? I'll say I'm on... Oh my gosh, this map brought to you by WizKids Combat Cam. The Tomb Takers are out for blood, literally. This dark and mysterious group is now available

for pre-order. Find them and many more for more Critical Role miniatures at whizkids.io slash crminis and your local game store. Yep, perfect. I thought that's a crimini, it's like the mushroom. Crimini. You did good.

That I owe the crimini mushrooms. For the tomb.. Tome. I think instead of the flask, I think you now need the fan and just need to play it up every week. Or I'll have this represent the tome that's in the fray here. The tome is in the fray.

The tome of the raven. I'll use that for the tome for the time being as a proxy. I would adopt. As you watch, crawling through the brush, it's almost like the very floor of the forest begins to curl upward and reach out and grab and emerge, like the underbrush is fighting to dispel or destroy these strange invaders.

Ew! Yikes! What is it? Oh! As another one is pulled up from the back side on this pier. Oh no! Are they vine creatures? Made of vines? Feigning vines?

So. Hey, I'm careful. Initiatives, 25 to 20. 20. 21. All right, yes. Okay. 20 to 15. 19. 16. All right. 15 to 10.

10 to five. Ooh, eight. All right. Seven. All righty. Mother. Mother. Mother, be brave. All right, so Orym, you're up first. Up in the tree below, you watch as these two sections

of the forest floor come alive and begin to reach out, begin to barrel forward like these hulking behemoths of tangled, rotted, sentient vegetation. Okay, I think to begin, of tangled, rotted, sentient vegetation. Okay, I think to begin, these things look like they can go anywhere they want here. So I'm going to spring from the top of that tree and land here, if I'm able.

All right. With my Boots of Striding and Springing. And go over to there. And I'm going to stay put and slash twice and use my blade's seedling to cut the air. You can do that indeed. 15 feet away from the strike. Whoa.

Okay. First one is a 19 to hit. That hits. Okay. Keeping it simple to start. I have to get my dice together. That is 11, and then second slash is lower. It's a 15.

15 just hits. Just hits. Oh, shwoop. And that is 10 points. 10 points of damage. I'm just going to hold there and see what we do. All right, as you land, two strikes in the air, and you watch as these arcedced blade-like gusts of wind

seem to fire out of his sword and they just cut into the back of this creature. You see roots and bits of plant matter and moss go flying as It seems to turn around a bit and notice your presence. Finish your turn? Sure. All right, Laudna, you're up with Denise on deck. All right, I see, or I'm going for the one up front,

and I'm just going to look at the other one and go kill it with fire and hit a fireball down at this back one. At this back one? Yep. Oh man, all righty. Whoa! Massive detonation emerges and engulfs the surrounding area

in a sphere of burning fire. As a small localized explosion splinters some of the nearby plant life and burns into a cinder the floor of the forest and its vicinity. Go ahead and roll damage. The DC on this. Oh, no, that's going to be a three. Fail. So 8d6.

8d6. Ooh, ooh. 10, 16, 19. 19, 29, 32. Damage, fire damage. All righty. It burns everything around as the flames subside. The creature there looks singed, but strangely a little more resistant to fire

than you'd expect a plant-based creature to be. Creature, what? Or the dread, so he does have to make a wisdom saving throw. He does. I didn't ask how close my friends are. I said I cast Fireball. That's a 12.

Fail, so he is afraid of me and has to go the opposite direction. All righty. He is afeard. Or can I get closer to you, at least? Can I take a moment to noticing that it didn't seem to work as well? To shout out to everyone and be like, ah, fire, fire may have failed.

Don't kill it with fire. Okay. Says the terrifying goth tree lady. The creature sees you and begins to recoil in terror from your strange, also plant-like, nightmarish visage. All right, that finishes your go. You want to say put or move?

I'm going to hang out in the tree. You got it, sounds good. Denise, you're up with Ashlyn on deck. Okay, here we go. We're going to slow things down. Denise is going to leap off of this tree and she's going to rage and use her fucking sickle to cut twice.

This guy here? Yep, that guy right there. Leaps down. Leaps onto him, I think. Onto him. Yeah, I'd love to do that. And strikes him twice, trying to do a slicing motion where its head would be.

You got it, so go ahead and make two attacks. Two attacks, okay. Just standard or reckless? Well, I don't think I need reckless if I want to do sneak because he didn't see me coming. He didn't see you coming, you were up in the tree, so yeah. And I don't want to be in the tree. The first attack would have advantage

because he didn't see you. The first attack would have advantage? Okay, so. Oh, do I have advantage because he didn't see you. The first attack would have advantage? Okay, so. Oh, do I add anything to this? Sorry, guys. Yeah, you add your attack modifier next to your weapon. She'll have a plus. Oh, that's great.

So that's going to be a 24. That definitely hits. So go ahead and roll damage on your greatsicle. Okay, it's rolling. The app is doing it, or I can do it. The app is lagging. The app is lagging. Here we go. So we're going to, what is that? Oh, well, that's rolling. The app is doing it, or I can do it. The app is lagging. The app is lagging. Here we go.

What is that? Oh, well, that's a one. So nine. Woohoo! Nine. Oh, that's weird. It's also a nine on here, too. Popped up. Weird. That's fucking weird as shit. Okay.

Nine damage to it, plus 2d6 because of sneak attack. Plus 2d6 because of sneak attack. Here we go. And that's going to be a five. All righty. So it's a little 14 damage on the first strike as you land, sickle down, in the front of where you think its head might be, pull it free. It shifts underneath you like it's trying to shake you off like a massive dog. Love that.

Make your next attack. Okay, so that's going to be. Sorry, guys. Ah, this is annoying. Okay, that's going to be a 23. That hits again. Go ahead and roll damage. Yay! Okay, here we go. Roll damage. That's going to be a 10. 10 points of damage on that strike, great.

So after drawing the blade a second time, you do a giant arc slice, this time sending a big chunk of plant matter flying off in the nearby shadow. Yes, and then as I do that, can I also do the thing where I maybe knock it five feet back? You can knock it five feet away from you,

but you're on top of it, which means you can't really push it down. If you want to step off the back, you can do that if you want. Yeah, what if I, oh yeah, that's a good idea. So what if I, as I step off, I kick it with the back of my foot? You can totally do that.

And see what that does. So as you land behind, you push it five feet forward, right up into Bordor. Oh no, I'm sorry. I guess it's payback time. Whoa! That's fair. I mean, yeah, fair.

That's fair. So land, double-stice, kick off, land behind. Your whip on your side, your greatsicle in your hand, and do that, Sandra, your turn. That's my turn. All righty. It's dead silent, and you just hear the trickle of urine flow down your throat. Oh!

Ashton, you're up. All right. So melodic. I got to see a bit of that, and I'm very excited at this shit. I'm going to rage. Yay! All righty. Ooh, now we're having fun.

Okay, I'm a, oh man, can I do this? Yeah, I can do this, it'll be great. I'm going to, my weird little window in my head starts sparking and then just becomes see-through and invisible. You can just see right through my head and one of my eyes becomes a window straight through my head.

My hammer starts to get a little phasey and I run around. I'm going to take a 25-foot run straight at that thing. This here or this one? That one. I'm going to turn around and take 25 feet directly at it. You got it. Full speed, hammer back, and I'm going to turn around and take 25 feet directly at it. You got it. Full speed, hammer back, and I'm going to take a swing.

And let's... Yeah, let's do reckless, because I really want this to hit. All right. And yeah, it hits. 17, 27 to hit. That definitely hits. Got to hit. That definitely hits. Got to do a quick thing,

because I don't quite remember how this works. I get to, all right, so damage is going to be 2d6 plus an extra d6, because I am using the belt of momentum. Indeed. Holy sheesh, yo. So it has to do a, also, it'll need a DC 17 strength saving throw.

Which it fails. All right. Nine plus eight, that's, nine plus eight is my brain. 17 points of damage. All righty. And it moves 15 feet away from me in that direction. Oh shit, 15 feet?

Yep. Slams into the side of the rock pillar that you leaped on, Orym, and you feel the ground beneath you shake a little bit as some of the rock gets knocked loose and tumbles to the ground nearby. The creature hits back, and you watch as it almost reforms its body as it falls back.

The elements of its mimicry of a human torso and limbs shift to be forward once more. Where's it staring at right now? You have no idea. It doesn't really have eyes. It just has plant tendrils for a face and they're all writhing and curling. Yeah, I don't quite know how much I've run so far, but I'm going to take a few more steps back.

Okay. And I'm going to use Chaos Burst to use my Wormhole Strike. This'll be fun. Okay. Let's see how this goes. You gave your character. That's 21 to hit. 21 hits. Chaos Burst to hit. 21 hits.

I do a chaos and burst. So I open up. I just say, hey, made you look, and I swing my hammer down, and a portal behind its head opens up. It comes down on its head through a little wormhole. You watch as he strikes down into a hole that appears in the middle of the air,

and as his arms go into it, the hammer just appears in the back of the creature and slams it from behind. Yeah. We're going. That's like whack. Yeah, yeah. I am taking notes of all of this.

That's 12 plus eight. So yeah, 20 points of damage on top of that. Woof! Nice! You got him, you did. A heavy crack in the back of the head. He watches the center of where a head might be splinters open and the tendrils ride and scream,

trying to reach any form of matter it can around before it reforms back into its torso. It looks like it's taken some hits. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Does that finish your turn? That's everything I got. All righty.

Thank you. Oh, is that it? The bush that you backed into, suddenly you smell this very sweet smell. You've had this odd scent to the air that has a rotting fruit sweetness to it, but you feel some things come in and move and pull the back of your leg as you turn around.

The bush shifts. Goddamn. Instead of being much of a bush, it rises up with these other vines and these beautiful flowers that blossom with a number of bodies that seem to pop out. Wow. It's Jumanji!

Poppy Bell. Breathe out, breathe in. Finally see more. It's right fucking behind me, isn't it? Yeah. Oh lord. At which point, it's going to have three of its tendrils whip at you from behind for,

woo-hoo! That is 24 to hit. That hits. 17 to hit. That's my AC. That hits, and then 12 to hit. That's my AC. That hits, and then 12 to hit. Nope. So two of them strike you.

You take, there we go. Every bush is suspect. You take 13 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to seven, or six, because you're raging, as well as... Woo! Don't make that noise. Seven, or six, because you're raging, as well as... Ooh! Don't make that noise. Sorry, I was actually thinking.

Mm-hmm. 14 points of poison damage. Fuck off, okay. That sucks. From one strike. 20 points of damage from one strike. Yep. Oh, good. The other one that hits you does

five points of bludgeoning damage reduced to two, and nine points of poison damage. 11 points of damage. There you go. All right, that's going to finish its go there. Actually, it's going to go ahead and shift. How hurt are you? Not even combat range, but it's not shifting.

Moving towards the reindeer who's trying to pull away from the cart, the cart is starting to move. It's going to bolt. That finishes its go. Now this creature here is frightened, can't move closer to you, so it's going to five, 10, 15, 20, 25. You got to be fucking kidding me.

Don't you attack that elf. You had not heard of the spider. I'm sorry, I thought it was going to go backwards. I will climb over your screen. You're going to make this personal. Not here like a hay, just so you know, I turned into a horrific creature. As soon as you finish screaming and vomiting on yourself,

you also hear the writhing of plant matter behind you and look over your shoulder just as it shifts away from the terrifying entity in the tree and then goes to do two slam attacks onto you as it moves past. That's going to be a natural one. Swings wide and you just out of the way. You fall to the ground and it misses you entirely

as you're trying to scramble back away from it. The second strike, that, however, will be a 24 to hit. Silvery barbs. Yeah, that hits. Because I feel bad for making you keep crying. What is that? So as I see him slip in his own vomit, I try and distract him.

That is an 18 to hit. What's your armor class? 14. That does still hit, but good try. All right, so you take. 14? No, no. Oh no. Hey, buddy. I wasn't expecting this. Hanging out with a bunch of sheep before this.

That's going to be 10 points of bludgeoning damage as you get uppercut by what feels like a battering ram. Owie! You get knocked about three feet in the air, land back on your hip, and then just barely catch yourself back on your feet, but that's going to bruise in the morning. I can, however, give someone as part of my Silvery Barbs

advantage on their next roll, and I will give it to Bordor. You got it. Awesome. Thank you. This one here is going to, after it was slammed by Ashton, is going to turn around towards your, you're the nearest thing facing it.

Sorry. That is a threat, after you've been taken over by the other plant creature on that side. It's going to take two slam attacks. Let's see. Yep, it's going to strike you twice. First one's going to be 10. No.

Zip. Yep. Second one is going to be a natural 20. Oh! Silvery Barbs. That's gone. Sorry about that. Slippery Barbs. And it's gone. 20 points of bl Slippery barbs. And it's gone.

Six of these, four. 20 points of bludgeoning damage as it takes a hit. The first one goes wide. You deflect it off your shield. You go for what you expect to be a backhand, and the other one just hits the shield so hard that it knocks you flat on the ground and pushes you into the mound of rock.

You hear the whole top of this upper platform crack inward around you as you eventually shove it off. Question, and I'm fine if you skip it, but if you say no, but on the first hit was a miss. I've never used this and I keep meaning to. Can I riposte? Yes, you may. On a melee attack that missed.

Yeah. So, the minor retcon, when the first one slams, I hit the shield up and then stab out with blade. Totally. Catch it. Before it clocks me in the face. Wolf in attack. Nice one. That'll hit. That's 24. That definitely hits.

We'll call that a seven of damage, and I'm going to do a superiority die and goad the a-hole and just keep him on me. Okay. So he has to make a wisdom save. Wisdom save is a seven. That's a failure. Failure. So any attacks it makes against creatures that aren't you, it has disadvantage.

So I add another seven, so that slashes a total of 14. Then I get rocked in the face by its attack. So you get one stab in right before, uh-oh. Slammed down and crushed into the side of this platform. All right, that finishes its go. Can I use your reaction on the repost? Yeah. It's going to shift away from you.

Okay. I have all the boxes checked from the mega battle in the last game we were in. Yeah, you haven't had a short rest yet. Oh, cool. That's a work. Yep. All right, finishing their go, now it's Prism's go with Bordor on deck.

Okay, so I see all these plant creatures and I smile big and look at everyone and say, how's this for a field test for my magic? None of us can see you. Right? That's right, you're invisible. Oh god, you're still here! That felt so good.

And then what I want to do is I want to tell bonus action, send a Nios in between all three of these guys. And then I'm going to cast a spell through him from his place, but since I'm invisible, would I have advantage on attacks? If it's an attack roll, then yes, you would. So I'm going to Steel Wind Strike these three guys.

Ooh, yes you! Wait, you can attack through your book and not lose your invisibility? Dineos! What's greater invisibility? Oh, it's greater invisibility! Sick! Dineos! Let's do the sword one!

Then I'm going to take three attacks with advantage on each of them. That's a crit. That's two crit! Ocean! And then a... Sorry, I don't know what my thing is yet. And then a... That was a 17, becomes a 26, did it?

That hits as well. And then another nat 20! A natural 20 again! Oh! This is insane! Retire! I'm literally sitting back there being like, these fuckers all rolling all these nat 20s coming out, I'm going to be the dunce guest. Nice! I'm not the dunce guest. Uh-uh. Okay, so now I'm going to roll my damage

against each of them. All right. Here's one of the crits. Dang. Does zero become 10? Yes, it does. Yes, okay. Oh my god. Does zero get the meanest thing you can say? You've got a really pretty dice. Yeah, whatever the number is, then double it.

Surely. Don't gatekeep the dice. 10, this is going to be nasty. Plus 19 plus four becomes 23 plus five. Becomes 29. 29 twice. Okay. Wow. Do you want to roll for each one? You just roll once and then they all take the damage.

Whatever you want to do. What's easiest for you? I mean, we just take the number and say that the one in the middle, right there, one that you've already hit takes 29. Oh, 58, because I crit. Right, and the other two take 58. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you crit the other ones.

Yeah, yeah, so we'll do it that way. That'll work. Are all three critted, or were two of them? Two of them crit. That's pretty good. That's fucking awesome. Really lucky. That's disturbing.

Then I say again, how's that for a field test? So. You nailed it. How do you want to do this? Oh! As the one that was shambling towards Denise, describe how the book transforms

to facilitate your steel wind strike. I think that the book has a bunch of, it almost sounds like surgical equipment, but it's bookmarks being like, and then he just, and then shreds them off. Hell yeah. Oh crap. The paper shredder! He carves through

into all three of them. You see splashes and blasts of destroyed plant matter and other forms of organic matter, but the one that currently had been previously shredded by Orym and then hit heavily by you, it just explodes and rains compost down onto everyone in the vicinity of it. Denise, you are just sprayed.

Yeah, just full of shit. Wait, on top of Border, who's already covered in vomit? Indeed, yes. Everybody knows. A little shout-out to Mother, because I saw what Denise was doing, and so I'm going to say, Mother, go to the loud one!

Because she might need for sneak attack. Aw. So she'll... Oh, yeah. Wait, what does that do? It's just that it will help you get sneak attacks. Thank you. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, what a nice, you know what? You're okay! Awesome, does that finish your turn? Yeah, and I'm still invisible. You know what? You're okay! Awesome. Does that finish your turn? Yeah, and I'm still invisible. You're still invisible. You were still over here behind one of the big guys if you wanted to move. It doesn't know you're there as far as you can go.

Yeah, can I really quietly move back? I'll say it was invisible. You can scoot away a bit, yeah. Okay. There you go. Going pretty well. She's an elf. She's had hundreds of years to work on her battle zingers, by the way.

Yeah. How's that for a field test? Because we're fighting, oh, sorry, was that not clear? We're fighting plants, right? Like, they come from the field? Oh. Oh. Yeah, no, I didn't get that. Oh, so that's why there was silence,

because no one got it. No one got it. The best jokes are the ones you have to explain. You're like a teenager with the bath towel looking in the mirror, trying them out. I just dreamed, I knew someday I'd get an actual battle and I planned that I was going to say this, but I didn't know we were going to be fighting plants.

It's perfect. It's perfect. Fjordor, you're up. Far out. Okay. What do I want to do, guys? He's a farmer who doesn't know his own abilities, dude. He finds it fascinating. And I don't have- Anything could happen.

Yeah, I'm learning it in real time. Pandora's box, but in a person. Kind of. So I'm hunched over, right? I've been... You've been sprayed with yours and other creatures' matter. Doesn't feel good, I got to say.

I don't like it. I do... What's a cantrip? Cantrip is a spell. You can cast it for full spells. It's a tiny little spell that you can use spell. You can cast it over all spells. It's a tiny little spell that you can use as many times as you want. No red.

Okay, so I'm hunched over and I don't feel good. Something, guys, I don't like this at all. This is not going well. I feel like my fucking insides go to ice. They're cold as shit. I'm like, oh, I'm going to die. This is it for me. It's happening.

But instead, as I'm hunched over, out of my back shoots a ray of frost. Into this creature here? That guy's face. You got it. Go ahead and roll an attack with your spell attack modifier. Don't tell me what that means. Plus eight.

So you roll a d20. Wait, roll the d20? Roll that, and then add your? 14. Plus eight. Plus eight, 22. 22 hits. Go ahead and roll damage on it. Jesus Christ, you guys. Sharded Shards. You just hear Laudna from above go,

it gets better. Right. Promise. Which one is the eight? Sorry, guys. Oh no, welcome to it. That's all good. The perfect diamond. The perfect this?

Yeah, two pyramids glued together. Two pyramids glued together for you at home. Learn, watch and learn. My failures are your success. Six and eight is 14. Do I add this eight to it? No, it's just the 14. So 14 points of cold damage.

Awesome. Does that seem like it? And then does it reduce its speed as the Ray of Frost? I think it reduces it by 10 feet, right? Okay. Awesome. So as you lead forward and What the hell? The ray of frost fires up, blasts the front of this creature as it

coasts up like a solid beam as you lurch forward. It leaves ice crystals and freezes over this layer under the front of the plant creature that has to back up, unable to pull its physical body away before it breaks out of the ice. But you can see it's taken a heavy amount of damage from it. Not bad. You can stay put, you can move, but if you move away before it breaks out of the ice, but you can see it's taking a heavy amount of damage from it. Not bad.

You can stay put, you can move, but if you move away from it, it will get an attack of opportunity, likely. I'm going to lie down and make myself a small target. Okay. That's a good pro. Great. Does that finish your turn?

I'm really going all out. Does that finish your turn? Yeah, I'm done. You got it, all righty. Oh my god, what's happening? Top of the round. So many magical people here, and yet I want to write about you the most. Orym, you're up first with Laudna on deck. Oh man, I can tell how the rough time

that Bordor is having, so I'm going to leap, boom, boom, boom. I'm going to bait and switch this gentleman and drag him real quick. No, yes, because he can't get attacked when I do it. Yep. And stand in front of his prone fetal position. You got it.

Self. Thank you. Whatever. Perfect. Whatever. And then What a hero. And then I'm like. Yank him back and limp it right in front of your shield. Grab him by your waist and pull. Almost give you a wedgie, but don't.

Drag you back and leap into where you were. That was twice you got wedgies in one. Five-minute period. Cool. I don't wear underwear. No. That's why it's almost. We're just going to start cutting. And we're just getting real fresh with you.

I have no gas left in the tank, not much. Regular. That's real low. That probably misses. That is a 14. 14 misses, unfortunately. Second is an 18, which hits. That does hit.

That will be... That is a nine. Action surge. I'm going to continue on here. And I'm just, if the thing is tendrilling over, I'm trying to cut away what I take to be its spaghetti face. You got it. Second attack is a 22, and the last one is a 16,

so those both hit. Yes, they do. Five, six, 11 more, and then 10 more. Ooh, got you. I just rain down green zucchini noodles. Just mulching the front. I whisper to you, you're amazing. Don't you add, what should you add to his AC?

Oh, that's right. Yes, he gets it all. One. Okay, so you get a plus one to your AC for the next round. From him pulling you into a defensive position. Yep. The wedgie gives you a plus one to your AC. There you go. Didn't she give me something extra for my turn? She gave you an advantage on your next attack or next roll that you make. Oh god. Brynn's finishing out then.

It's not gone. Laudna, you're up with Denise on deck. Are these the two plantimals within 10 feet of each other? If I did a 10-foot sphere? It doesn't look like that. A 10-foot radius? 10-foot radius between. 10-foot radius, if you were to put it high enough,

you could hit them both, but you will also hit the reindeer. That's all right. I will hit the reindeer. She said, fuck the reindeer. I will hit the reindeer. It's friendly. I am going to hit the planties with Wither and Bloom. Okay. Has the reindeer taken damage?

Not yet. You've taken damage though, right? Little bit. Little bit, and you're right there in the middle. Yeah, but I'm protected by my hero. And are you in there? He's got three feet of halfling in front of him. He's fine.

Have you taken damage? Yes. A decent amount? It's fine. I'll give it to you, because you're protecting. Wither and Bloom, so the two baddies have to make a constitution saving throw. Constitution save.

You get to roll a hit dice if you want to. Damn! It's a 12 on the guy who's frightened of you. Okay. And an eight on the other ones. They both fail. Fail. So they take necrotic damage and it says vegetation in that area withers.

I don't know if this applies to them, but that would be cool if they do, especially because that was a dog shit roll. I'll say, I'll say. Six points. Add an additional d6 as part of them being vegetation and necrotic effect. I'll take it, yeah. Four total out.

So 11 points to both of them. Gotcha, 11 points to each. And then Orym gets his hit dice. Thank you. I'm going to quicken that one. And then, that was a quicken spell. And then I'm going to pew, pew, hit them both with Eldritch Blast.

Roll for two Eldritch Blast attacks, go for it. Okay, we'll take the one that was closest. 13 plus eight is 21. And then the other one was real bad for 11. 11 misses, unfortunately. So you hit the one that's already frightened you? Afraid of me. Though he won't be frightened

until the end of his turn, right? Although he's got a still form of dread, so they actually both have to roll their wisdom saving throws. Okay, got it. Well, at least one of them that you hit, right? Correct. The one that's already frightened.

That is going to be- I hit them both before they're in bloom, though. Oh, it's true, yeah. So natural 16, success. That guy fails. So the frightened adjusts over. Okay. To now be on this one. Oh, thank god.

And? Vegemite splatters everywhere. What? It smells yeasty in here. Oh, thank god. And? Vegemite splatters everything. What? Thank you. It smells yeasty in here. He takes, okay, it is up to a d4, no. Another nine Eldritch Blast damage. You got it.

That was a huge one. Just throwing it down from the top of the tree. Yeah, that's my turn. That's your turn. All right, that brings us to Denise with Ashlyn on deck. All right, so Denise is going to run up and with all of her little dwarven might, is going to jump as high as she can

towards this suddenly seymour plant. You got it. Well, at the top of your turn, the terrifying stench that seems to permeate the air surrounding this one odd flower filled with corpses and rotting flesh. Threatens to overwhelm you. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw for me. It's a corpse flower. Is it a poison?

This is considered a poison effect, I'd say. Oh, well. So you have advantage on the roll. I do have a, because I'm dwarven. Indeed you are. Okay, so that's, okay, that's, what? Okay, I'm going to go with the other one. So that's going to, plus this is going to be 16.

Is it a save? A con save? Oh, wait. Con save, yeah. Oh, plus eight. Okay, so what's 13 plus eight? Anyone, anyone? More than enough. More than enough! You've wallowed in the worst elements of urban society. This is nothing. This is nothing.

I've smelled dead bodies in the hall. And then, so can I do that? Can I jump and try to I've smelled dead bodies in the hall. Can I do that? Can I jump and try to stick my sickle right in the back? Yeah, you can. Then just let the weight of it just drag it down? Yeah, you can. Okay, let's see what that's.

Because you have Ashton in combat, you get sneak attack for attacking it. So go for it. What does that mean? You get sneak attack damage. Oh, if I hit it? Also, you have advantage. Okay, so that's 10 plus 10 is 20. I sent Mother over.

That's true, yeah. So you have advantage on the attack as well. So that's 20 to hit. That definitely hits. Okay, now I get my d8. Plus 2d6. Oh. For sneak attack damage.

Right? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so then that plus eight is 11. From the sneaks. And then the sneakies. And that's going to, okay, so then that plus eight is 11. And the sneaks. And then the sneakies. And that's going to be 10, so 21. 21 points of damage on that first strike as you stab into it, full weight, as the raven over here is like,

No, no! Thanks, buddy! Making the plant really confused. As you drag down, go ahead and roll for your next attack. Okay, well, my next attack, I would like to be, so did it fall? Did it falter? What happened? I mean, it took a heavy hit, but it's still looking like a- So then maybe as it, because I weighed it down a little bit, maybe I can just take it and try to

slice one of its legs off? Because I think there's tentacle legs. All right, so you drag down for the first strike, withdraw the blade, and then swing underneath. Okay, so that's 16, but I don't get anything special with that, because only sneak attacks for the first one, right? Correct. So 16 to hit. 16 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. So, ah, whoa!

Seven plus eight is 15. Indeed. And I don't think I add anything to that. So it's 15. Yep, just 15. So you cut through two of its dangling, load-bearing leg vines. It shifts to one side, but then manages to catch itself and right its balance, but it's a heavy hit.

So you have your bonus action. Yeah, can I try to use one of my legs to swipe the legs that it's on to see if I can knock it prone as my bonus? As a bonus action, you're trying to knock it down. The only bonus action attack you could take would be with your whip. With my whip, okay, then I'll take that fucking whip

and try to grab one or two legs and see if I can pull it, see if I can knock it down, the only bonus action attack you could take would be with your whip. With my whip, okay, then I'll take that fucking whip and try to grab one or two legs and see if I can pull it, see if I can knock it from. Okay, sure, I'll allow it. So this isn't a damage attack, you just go ahead and it would be your athletics. You're using your bonus action essentially to shove or knock it down, so go ahead

and roll an athletics check versus its athletics as well. Okay, so that's going to be, hold on now, that's going to be a 21. now, that's going to be a 21. 21, it rolled a 19. Ooh! So if you're striking it twice, you point your whip and yank it out from underneath the whole creature.

Slams into the ground prone. Yes. What is it called in this? Yeah. Love it. And that's my turn. That's your turn. All righty, finishing Denise's go. Ashton, you're up. It's down. Love it. And that's my turn. That's your turn. All righty, finishing Denise's go.

Ashton, you're up. It's down. It is. Cool, so I'm just going to start wailing. I'm just going to start pushing it back into the earth. Okay. And I've got advantage because it's on the ground. You do.

All right, first hit is, backwards. Come on. 18? 18 hits. All right, I'm going to do that, let's see, 18. So that's, there's my brain, look at that. That's, come on, roll well.

12 points of damage. 12 points of damage on the first hit. And then, let's do this again. Make sure I'm doing this right, too. Well, I'll check in a second. Also, if you wouldn't mind, we'll finish then. The next one is 21 to hit. 21 to hit, all right.

The Unruly Constitution's saving there for me real fast. Okay, okay. Since we're within the sent radius. 16? 16 success, yes. Continue your turn as normal. All right, I was just about to roll damage. I'm also going to do a thing that I have to quickly look up because I don't remember quite how it works.

Benefie which is? Well, I'll do the damage while I do this. You got it. Seven, it's 15 points of damage. 15 points of damage in that, all right. And da-da-da-da. Sorry, this is going to be a quick thing that I look up. Won't take more than a second.

I'm going to push it, and I just have to see if it can do anything about this. I'm going to push it into the cart. So I'm going to give it a shove with that last hit and scrape it in the ground and move it five feet away from me. Okay. It doesn't have to go directly against me. I can move it in any direction I'd like.

All right, so where do you want to move it? I'm going to move it. I'm going to make it so both of us have five feet so that neither of us are within its top range. You're putting it into the? Oh, you're bringing the dwarf. Into the cart. Into the cart? Yep.

And now I'm going to, cart is destroyed, splintered on the ground. We already had all that food! Sorry. What was in that cart? And now I'm going to... There weren't any shapes in there, were there? Nice. And I'm going to roll around to the other side

of the little path over there and give a little coverage to our sad little. This one's glass. Right over here? Yeah, to our sad elf on the ground. All right, so you're moving out of its combat range. Well, I should have pushed it five feet out of the combat range anyway.

Oh, so you pushed it five feet away from you? Yeah. All righty. How does it reach you? 10 feet. Oh. So as you move from its range, That's fine. as a reaction, one of its tendrils reaches out to strike you.

My own fault. That's going to be a 15 to hit? Nope. You just take it off your foot and continue over to that space. Does that finish your turn, Ashton? Yep. All right. It is now its turn.

It's going to go ahead and stand up. Sorry, I'm crying. You can't stand on your legs. How can it? It's not demoralized? It's demoralized. Do you want to do a practice even if it's demoralized?

Aren't you embarrassed? I've been demoralized many times in my life and still stood up, so. Hey! Can't relate to that one. It's going to shift forward angrily over towards Denise. It's just reaching out to whatever's in front of it. It's going to try and strike you twice.

Okay. No! Sorry. My friend. This'll be... Oh, actually, you're going to be great. Never mind. Why? Tell me why. Tell me why. It's going to attack you twice.

That's going to be a 19 to hit. It hits. And a 21 to hit. It hits, too. Then it's going to strike out once to you. It can't make it out of range. It moved up to her, which puts you in 10-foot range. Okay, I thought I was going further over.

I'm so sorry. You wanted to move further over? Yeah, I'm so sorry. I was going to cover the border. Sorry about that. Then all three on you, Denise. I'm so sorry. No, that's not bad.

That's fine. I can take it. That's another 20. Wait, so how many hits total? So it's three hits on you. No damage hits. Silvery Barbs, never mind. That is going to be 21. so it's still the same.

Fuck me sideways. Oh, I think we're at 21. Goddamn it, I made it worse. Well, I just hit you three times. I'm going to roll for damage now. She said sideways on a tree. She is on a tree. All right, so. God, scary.

I'll take an extra point of fear damage. 10 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to five because you're raging. That's nothing. Plus. That's an advantage to Denise with the dollar sign. Plus 11 points of poison damage. But there's poison resistance?

So you take half of that. Oh, great! So you take five points. Five points. Being a dwarf man, they can take poison. Love dwarves. Second hit does 11 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to five. Plus 10 points of poison damageing damage reduced to five,

plus 10 points of poison damage, also reduced to five. Okay. Third strike. Does eight points of bludgeoning damage reduced to four, plus 14 points of poison damage reduced to seven. Okay. Look at these Denise nails, Tatt. I know, hello. It's like DMV nails, just what? What was that?

As a bonus action, you see the multiple bodies, the long, rotted corpses that it's pulled into its form. One of them sinks inside and you hear this horrible crunching and sucking sound. Oh no. He's got hit points back. As you watch it begin to recover some of its wounds.

Boo! Which one is this one? This is our little fucking Seymour fucker. Stinker. Why, Seymour? It's a good touch, but then he's going to die. Finishing its go, it's now the other creature here that is no longer frightened. What?

It's going to move over to you, Orym. Sure. It's going to take two slam attacks at you. Slam attacks. That's going to be a 22 to hit.. Slam attacks. That's going to be a 22 to hit. Yes. The next one is going to be 25 to hit. Oddly, that one doesn't hit.

Yeah, it's so strange. That's the first slam attack. Bludgeoning hits you for 12 points of bludgeoning damage into your shield. You still like to flake most of the hit, but the sheer force of it causes your bones to rattle on the inside of your body. The second one is going to be 11 points of the hit, but the sheer force of it causes your bones to rattle on the inside of your body. The second one is going to be

11 points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. And as both arms to the sides of you, take both hits, you're okay, and then feel its tendrils wrap around you. Oh! What? And it swallows you into its form. What? Marisha, I've gone into the plant. No! The stink And it swallows you into its own form.

Marisha, I've gone into the plant. No! The stinkies? No, the other one. The other one. It has devoured Orym. All right. And then it's going to move forward.

It's one of those kind of knights. Shift over towards the two of you. Oh god, and fall over. Wait, you got eaten? Yes. Swallowed. Yes. Jonah. Do you feel safe now? Prism, you're up with Bordor on deck.

Oh, I'm up. Okay, here's what I want to do. Denios, follow that little man! And Denios can move through creatures, so I want him to go inside the creature to where he was eating, and then I want to to go inside the creature to where he was eaten. What madness is this? Then I want to cast Dimension Door through him as if I were his own.

And bring Orym out. So we'll say that it moves into its mouth. It goes and chases after it, like, I suppose if it's your command. Then the book jumps into the mouth after Orym. Why do you like the weird stuff? You promised you wouldn't tell anyone! It's in the inside of the creature. That's weird for your dad.

You all see this strange purple light that glows out of a little bit of its inner gullet that you can see, and both of them teleport to where? Okay. I don't think that I would be so strategic about this. I think I'll probably just thrust them either right here or right here. I'll thrust them right here.

Are you going to hit them on the forehead? Just like little cake toppers. Just. We got a ringer here. Wow. You land as the book is somewhat lashed onto your shoulder, and then it pulls away and floats there in the air, and you can see that weird scrunched up face is like,

now's when you say thank you. I flash through the crown keepers, Bell's Hells, and these weirdos, and I just go double vision for a second. I'll take it, fine. All right, so that's your action and that. Yeah, and then I'm going to also just say, how's that for a field test? Not another bad joke, the same bad joke.

You'll have to mention it. I feel like you guys know the context now, so maybe you're ready to laugh at it. Right? Perfect. I usually hang out with books, so getting no laugh doesn't really mean anything. And trust me, we enjoy it. Fairly. Do you want to stay put?

I think I'm going to stay put because no one's clocked me. That's true. Staying invisible has that effect. All righty, finishing your go. Bordor, you're up with Orym on deck. What the hell? Top of your turn, go make a constitution saving throw for me as the terrible stench of that massive flower creature threatens to overwhelm you. And you have advantage.

11. You have advantage. Oh, thank god. If you want to take it. That's going to be an 11. That's an 11. Oh no. All righty. Oh boy. As it fills your lungs, unable to keep it back,

you end up coughing into a heavy coughing fit and you are considered poisoned until the start of your next turn. Go on, Neil. Wow, what's going to come out of you? Everything already has. There's nothing left! Is that it? Is that my turn?

No, no, no, it just means your rolls are at disadvantage. Mother of pearl. You're in the dry heaving stage of your evening. Sheesh louish. I didn't sign up for this shit. It's the worst when nothing's coming out. You know what? You're just still.

So, yeah, I know. Just. I'm on the ground. That thing is over us, right? Yep, you are between two of them, just storming over you. Oh, fuck it. That thing is over us, right? Yeah, you are between two of them, just storming over you. Okay. Oh, fuck it. I'm going to...

Is it an animal? They're not beasts. They are creatures. No, no, no. No? Would calm emotions work on something like this? Is that human? Calm emotions is usually humanoids.

These creatures, I would say, don't really seem humanoid. Mother of god. Okay. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. What are you doing? Defend yourself, buddy. I'm going to... I don't know what to do here. I'm going to, but I'm so close to it, right?

I'm super close. You're super close to one or the other, yeah. Just sling a high-level spell for fun. Okay, so I look at it. You can't get up and move if you want. Nah, I'm fine. Good call, good call. Respect that, respect that.

I'm stuck. I'm scared. I know, I respect that. Frozen with fear. I remember that being really, really scared is sort of how that lightning bolt thing happened the first time. So I tap into the fear, and I look up at fucking Swamp Thing,

and point my finger, and just hope for the best, and let go a fourth level lightning bolt. Which one, the flower or this guy? No, no, no, that one that's over. Over you right there? Yeah, that guy. Okay. You release the bolt and it strikes into the creature and just absorbs it.

You got it. Oh, what? Fuck's sake! They like lightning? It's immune? It's immune to lightning. No! No! I'm so sorry. Okay.

But now maybe I should move. I can get away, right? If you want to, you can stand up for half your movement, and if you move away from it, it might get an attack of opportunity on you. Mother of... Great. You might want to stay?

You might want to stand up. Yeah, you'll be harder to hit. You don't stand up. Stand up and throw Orym in front of you. Ashton, right? I don't know, Limebown is really great for comedy. I look at Ashton. I wouldn't mess with it. I know, I know.

Don't kill the lily. Stand up and be ready to dodge. Okay, I'll stand up. Okay. I think that's probably the best thing to do at this point. I'll stand up and be like, it worked! Oh no. Fuck. It's just this slight, this little mist

that comes off where the impact was, and it just shakes it off. Bummer. Oh man. So fire is weak. Did I finish your turn? Lightning is no go. Bummer. Oh man. So fire is weak. Definition turn. Lightning is no go. Say whoops. Impugn.

Orym, you're up. Sorry? It was a good call. Laudna on deck. Okay. It was a good call. Bonus action to take my second wind and get a little bit of life back in me. You got it. Then I spring, flea jump off of my ledge.

Ashton feels Orym land on his shoulders. Then I spring up into the air, and you see Orym spin, and slash one, slash twice as he slides down to the ground in front of this thing. It's just the coolest. That is a miss on the first, total miss. And the second one hits real hard, 19 to 29. Hell yeah. Uh... That is a miss on the first, total miss. And the second one hits real hard, 29.

Hell yeah. Let's see. I'm gonna... I'm gonna, as I, actually, I'm gonna try to, this is not gonna work, but I'm gonna make it a strip attack. So that is just seven points of damage, but I want to give it the extra.

I've been rolling too low on the superiority die all night. 10. There you go. Okay, so total of 17, and it has to make a strength save against my halfling for 17. How do you want to do this? Oh! Oh my god!

Oh, sweet Jesus. Okay, so leap off of Ashton's shoulders, come spinning, vvvvvvvv. First one, a tendril slaps the blade out of the way, but the second time, I hold the blade in close and sneak past its as I go down, and after having watched the dwarf, I slash at a tendril leg and then just rip up

to let it fall down. Nice. As you tear through, More caca. you release one last burst of that wind blade energy from earlier that was sitting in the reserves of your weapon. And as you strike upward, it extends out 15 feet,

like a blade that just carves through like an executioner's ax upward. The creature and settles into two piles of rapidly rotting plant matter. It had been a while. Chinese or Italian? All right. Always. Always.

All right, Laudna, you're up. All right. How is the smelly flower looking? It's looking a little hurt. A little hurt? But it just regained a little bit of its health, it seemed. It has a cache of dead matter within that it seems to be cannibalizing as it progresses through. Well, from one corpse to a next, I can't allow that.

So, I am going to do Chill Touch to it. Chill Touch, which is, what's the range on that? 240 feet, because I'm a spell sniper. That's true, yeah. No worries, you can't even do it without that. 100%. I'm going to quicken that as well,

just might as well. Go for it. First one. It's just, it's all right. 16? 16 hits. Oh, that's not enough. It's a massive beast. It's easy to strike it. Broad side of a barn. If a barn was a plant filled with corpses.

Yucky damage roll, but that's okay. Six damage and it cannot regain hit points. Ah. Oh. Nice. Good looking out. All righty. So that's your bonus action Quicken spell, yeah? You see Laudna take her branchy hand as she shoves it into the boughs of the tree,

and then you see, just coming up from underneath the corpse flower, a bony, branchy tree come up and just grab it and slam it. Yes! And it siphons. That fucking face. Yeah. And then I'm going to dump two Eltritch Blasts into it as well. Go for it.

Those should both hit. That's a 17 and 20. Yeah, both hit. Go ahead and roll damage. So that, ooh, okay. That's 14 for the first one, and eight for the second one. You got it. All righty. How do you want it?

Does that finish your turn? No. Damn it. That finishes my turn. All righty. Denise, you're up with Ashton on deck. How does this plant look? Is it just face down, tendrils? It gets slammed into the ground by the chill touch

and it's starting to pick itself back up. It's getting itself back into a defensive position, but you can see there's arcane ice and necrotic energy that's now surging through it, like veins that's left over from when Laudna hit it. Okay, well, as it gets up, I would love to somersault under it and then maybe take my sickle as I go

and see if I could slice it as I somersault. Yes, you can. And let's see that. And you can roll with advantage, because of the mother. Thanks, mother. Mother! Well, I'll do the other one. And that's 17 plus nine. That hits, probably.

26. So your mother raven, does it have to be next to the creature to give it advantage? I don't know, to be honest. I haven't really done this trick before. Just double checking so we can learn as we go forward. Advantage from the silvery barbs. Oh, yeah. I'll just use that. 17 plus nine. There you go. That definitely hits.

Oh, this went down. This used to be 10. That's weird. Okay, so that definitely hits. Wait, it all went down. Did I fuck this up? Okay, 1d4, which is this one. Wait, this all changed. Oh, no, no, no, I'm looking at the wrong one. I'm sorry, guys. That's okay. I'm new at this.

There you go. Okay, that's an eight plus eight is 16. And is that a, do I still get the 2d? Sneak attack, yeah, yeah, you go. Okay, that's an eight plus eight is 16. Oh! And is that a, do I still get the 2d? Sneak attack, yeah, yeah you do. Okay. Snack attack. And that's going to be an eight. So 18 plus 16. Woo, that's a good heavy fucking hit.

Do math with the acrylics. I just imagined it. He's just being like, clack, clack, clack, clack. Okay, great. So a heavy strike as you stab up into it. You can see part of it cracks open and that horrible stench spills out. I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me.

Oh, it's far behind. With advantage, because you're a dwarf. Oh, thank god. I'm already high. Oh my god! Oh, no! That's bad, too. Okay, so... Four plus eight, you guys.

It's really fucking horrible, that. You rolled a 17 on the first roll. No, a four. Oh, you guys. It's really fucking horrible, that. You rolled a 17 on the first roll. No, a four. Oh, it was a four? Oh, sorry, nice knowing you. Four total of? Um, hold on. 12.

12, okay. So actually, your first attack, both of your attacks would have been at disadvantage because you would have been poisoned by this now. Dang. So that first strike still would have hit and did that damage. Okay. The second attack, go ahead and roll once more

with disadvantage to see if this one hits or not. With disadvantage, okay. Come on. What was that hit there? 11. 11 plus. Plus 10, so 21. Okay. So it still hits. So it still hits. So yeah, so go ahead and roll damage for the second one.

Great. Okay. Ah! Ah! Ah! Five plus eight is, wow, Amy, wow. Yeah, now it's one third. 13. And that's it, I don't do the de- Nope, 13 points of damage. Okay, so 13. Okay, so the fume into your lungs,

you can feel the pain, the burning sensation of it piercing inside of your breath as you hold it off and then take that second strike with the blade, how do you want to do this? Oh! Well, I didn't plan on that. Then, well, I think, because I'm under it, so I'm going to want to somersault away to the other side.

And, wow, I don't know how. Then I guess I will look at it and say, Gross, you stink. Get the fuck away from me. Then I'm going to kick it in the face, and then I'm going to take my whip and, like a dominatrix, just go, Bad boy. So.

You know, in character. Right, of course. I don't know what that means. So, Denise carves into this being. Have an Altoid. Your breath stings, have an Altoid, a tic-tac. Perfect. Carving into it twice, it kicks it off

and causes it to stumble and hit the ground. Right as. Yeah. It. It's a good measure. She's just talking at its corpse. Pretty much. She's just talking shit the whole time. It goes on for another minute.

Yeah. Brush your teeth. Brush your fucking teeth. Brush your fucking teeth. A moment of calm hits. The adrenaline's still pumping through your veins. The brief reminder that even in the middle of the night, places of seeming natural solace

have dangers lurking in every shadow, but successful and breathing heavy, you take stock of those around you. What the fuck is Prism? Is she all right? Where the fuck did she go? I'm right here. I don't drop the invisibility. I'm right here. Hello don't drop the invisibility. I'm right here. Hello? Book glides over.

She does this, don't worry. She'll turn up in an hour. Oops, sorry. Hi. I'm right in front of your face. Fuck! I just crack a little bit as I skitter back down the tree, and then on all fours, just run over on top of border and say, are you all right?

Oh my god. Do I still have, am I still getting poison damage or am I okay? You're not getting poison damage, you're just considered poison. So you're for the next, although they'll end up until the next turn, so about now you're starting to wear off. So you're just like starting to kick it off a bit.

Sorry, everyone, I'm fine. I'm sorry for, I may have lost my cool a little bit back there. Yeah, you laid down on the ground. I've never been in a combat situation. I also haven't. You'll both do better next time. You'll both really do better next time. Yeah, sorry guys, I think I wasn't even here.

You hid well. It's also on us. We shouted into the woods. That probably wouldn't have happened if we hadn't done that. So, Kay, I wanted to give it a survey. May I help you up? Yes. Is this the only thing that you do? Oh, it's, yes.

It's sort of my thing. My god. You get used to it. You don't have to have one thing. You contain multitudes. My god, thank you. She's right. For your first field test, incredible job.

I know you, I sensed a bit of insecurity about not having like. The word apprentice is in my head a lot. But it's clear you studied. You studied hard. You came, you delivered. I came. You proved yourself.

Well, is that what battle always feels like? Because I considered it to be a bit thrilling. I didn't know that I would like the way it felt. It can be a lot. That was, honestly, this was pretty chill as it goes, all things considered. Maybe it's just that we've had a really long day. I don't know.

And Denise, you've seemed quite skilled, obviously. Not your first rodeo. That's not my first rodeo. You kicked ass. That was fucking great. Hey, you kicked ass. Yeah! Hey! God, that was fucking, ah. Good team. I love that thing, by the way. That's so cool.

I love your thing. What does that say on it? Oh, it says, fuck off, right there. Right there. I mean, that's why I like to do it. Wow, wow, all right, all right. Yeah, you're pretty fucking cool. Pretty fucking cool. All right, yeah. Nice going to battle with you. Yeah.

Being in battle together is nice. Hey, and I want to thank you begrudgingly for sending Mother my way. You're all right. The raven curls its wings up on her shoulder. You can borrow her any time. Thank you. Why Mother? I named her after my mother.

Your mother's name was Mother? To me, yeah. Your father's name's Denise? And in the Shadow Realm, the Matron of Ravens is a big thing, so when I was at the Cobalt Soul, I don't know, maybe it was a bout of nostalgia, so I just named her Mother,

after Matron of Ravens, but also my mother. Oh, that tracks. Yeah. Also, it's just fun to shout mother at a raven. I can really see that, actually. It's been a really long day. Yeah. That was good. We should probably find somewhere safe to sleep.

I don't think we're going to make it to town. No? We're not going to find a hotel or something? Not tonight. Well, we're all lost. None of us are supposed to be here. Why don't we try to make a go of it here? Obviously, we have to stay awake, some of us.

In case plants. How did your reindeer fare? You look around and the reindeer ran off when the cart was destroyed by one of these creatures and just fled in fear. You don't see it around you at the moment. How do you feel about that? God, are you super attached?

Do you guys have your connection? I'm sure he'll come back. Ah, if you love it, let it go. I could send Pate from the sky. I could find a friend. You don't have to be so abrasive. I don't know how else to be. Pate from the Nice manners. I, uh... So there's no...town is still really far away? Civilization? Maybe we...I mean, like, we're all tired. We can maybe make it by morning, but if more shit comes, I don't know.

Seems like at least hours from the vent. I think maybe we should sleep. Could be. So, rest time? Can we scavenge to see if anything is salvageable from the little cart that fell apart? Yeah, an investigation check for me. A what? An investigation check.

Oh, darn. That doesn't count. No, no, no. That slipped. Investigation eight. Eight. Not a great investigator. I mean, there's some elements of food and tools,

but they've got a lot of shards of plant matter and whatever spilled and oily substances leaked from those creatures you destroyed. It's just diffused a lot of it. Yeah. If there's some sort of cave or something, I could arm it so that we would be alerted if something was going to attack us.

That's pretty handy. How would you arm it? How would I arm it? Well, thank be alerted if something was going to attack us. That's pretty handy. How would you arm it? How would I arm it? Well, thank you so much for asking. I would probably create a glyph and I would either make it explode or maybe shoot missiles or fire.

Or I'm really new to spell casting, so I'm just getting creative. I could do a lightning bolt. He could do a lightning. He could do a lightning. I'm just getting creative. I could do a lightning bolt. You could do a lightning. That was not. He could do a lightning. I'm scared. I'll say that's really cool,

but just as a pro tip, an exploding glyph at the front of a cave could go real bad. Yeah, real quick. But I appreciate the enthusiasm. I could just do a magic mouth, and if someone comes, then it will just start shouting, Intruders! I actually like that. That's abrasive.

It is very unnerving. Can we look around for a cave? I don't know if we're going to find a cave. Yes, it would be contingent on finding a cave. I mean, you both seem really strong. Maybe you could build us a cave with a bunch of these trees, if we don't mind the deforestation of it all. Can you quickly build us a small lodging? I would, but these are oaks, and there's, you know,

I don't want to... No, I'm not going to do that. Hey, California joke. There we go. Well, the fire's still going, right? It's mostly in cinders now, as the destruction of the cart and the nearby chaos knocked around much of the flames

and the fire pit itself. Well, maybe we just leave the fire out and we don't make noise anymore, like before, and just take shifts. My hearing is exceptional from working with the sheeps on the mountain, and I want to thank you for saving my life multiple times over just now.

I'll take first watch. I don't need much sleep. Can I ask how hearing comes into play with working with sheeps? I was just thinking that. I'm such a curious girl. Curious girl. It just popped into my head.

I think because they're such quiet animals. It's a Taylor Swift sheet that... The other team did goats. We can't do that bit, you guys. Quiet hearts. You have to be able to hear the sheep's heart beat through the wool. Well, if they're good.

Stray sheep, right? I imagine you have to find stray sheep. A benefit to the group, I'm feeling very insecure about my performance in my first battle. I just want to help in any way I can. I really think you did fine. You did a great job.

Thank you for seeing me, even though I was invisible. I saw the book. Yeah. Those were great. Thank you. I did most of the work. Not entirely. You went through that guy.

Yes, multiples, actually. So cool. Now you know Aisha's still alive. Hey, Denius, I just got a compliment, and now you're taking it, okay? I thought that was more of a splash compliment for both of us, mostly me, and you were there. Fucking fair. Complaint rescinded.

Fair. Should we also, I mean, maybe this is just a really weird idea, but what if we also made a really obvious decoy? Made it look like someone was having camp. I've got an idea. We've got those two dead bodies. Yes, we do. That's what I was thinking.

I could smell them. They're really... Zipping in there for a moment. Ripe. Yes. So maybe we make a small campfire. A big one. A big one. With two corpses sitting around. Of all the terrible shit that has gone on

in the last 24 hours, this is maybe a seven. We camp out up the hill. Can I put a magic mouth on both of the corpses to scream, no! If anyone attacks them. Pretty great. We're fully weakened burnings. No, that anyone attacks them. That's pretty great. We're fully weakened to burning. No, that's good thinking.

I don't like it! It casts as a ritual, yeah. An affectionate bird. I like it. I take my... Last toll's dispelled, so you guys can be well off here two months later, and the next person that finds it...

I don't like it! We'll have one say, no, and the other one say. I don't like it! We'll have one say, no, and the other one say, I don't like it! How long does the spell last, by the way? Until dispelled. So it's just, months of just, no! No! We've made an interactive art exhibit, I think, if you really, we've made an interactive art exhibit.

We prop up the bodies. Sitting there on that chair. I'm assuming you can cast Magic Mouth twice on two different things. Oh yeah. Yeah, you can. Okay. So yeah, great. All right, I'm just going to make sure

anything we could possibly want on these bodies is gone and we'll prop them up in sticks. Yeah, so we'll get a little campfire going down here at the bottom of the ridge. Sit up the two corpses. Okay. If anyone has any trash, litter it around. I take my spool,

and I take a long stick, and I tie it to one, put a piece of Borders jerky at the end, like he's roasting a piece of meat. Full diorama over here, okay. Yes, I wish I could convince him. Call Malone, he's in the shower with the guys. Two of us, yeah. Convince him. The homologous one where he's in the shower with the other guys. Two of us sit there all night just moving.

Every time the wind blows a branch, they both hug briefly and then. Oh my god. No, I don't like it. Okay, actually, I am going to Glyph of Warding a mage hand to move them if someone walks nearby. Oh, that's good. I love the way Faris Bueller-ing this whole setup.

This is great. Commitment to the Mets. Could you put the mage hand under a real hand? Just have it go like. Yeah. She's waving. Like it's laughing. Perfect. Magic Mouth says,

Hey, stranger. You take a solid 30 minutes setting up this arrangement in a very elaborate presentational camp setup. I've forgotten why we're doing this. Yeah. We're not having fun. Ooh, this is so fun! Oh my gosh.

In the interim, within the next 20 minutes, you find a little ways up the hill, there is not a deep cave, but there is a 15-foot alcove underneath one of the cliff faces that climbs up the wall, where you think it could settle in somewhat hidden, comparatively, and set up camp for the majority of your troop.

Do you guys have an extra bed roll or something? I think we do. It wasn't a hole with the corpses, but we have it. Yeah, hold on. It does smell a bit musty, but. I'm going to go in and get all of the extra stuff, because we had. Theoretically, we have everyone else's stuff.

We have a lot of everybody else's stuff. Yes. Who are the other people? Who's everyone else? They got teleported somewhere. They got, they're somewhere else. We assume. We started to talk about this.

We were at the spot where this began. Who did it? A mage out of Rexxentrum. You know him? What was his name, or maybe what did he look like? Ludinus Delef?

Do we know Ludinus? You, as a member of the Cobalt Soul, especially in the Order of Mages, would know exactly who this is, though you probably haven't had any reactions with them. They are the leader of the Cerberus Assembly, one of the most powerful mage groups in Exandria and heavily involved in the politics and structure

of the Dwendalian Empire in Wildemount. I'll send you an overview in email. But yeah, this is- Short answer, yes. Is that the motherfucker running his mouth? Yep. He was. He had this whole shadow organization as well called the Ruby Vanguard that's- So what were they trying to do?

Yeah, what is the point of this? It turns out that Ruidus, the moon, wasn't always there. And the gods created it to be a prison for another god-like being. Specifically, a god that eats other gods. And, ah.

Yes, there was a bunch of radicals who were like, ooh, what if we don't have gods anymore? Because, ugh, we could have all the power and we could be gods. So what if we just release this God-eater named Predothos and then he eats the gods and then, we're the most powerful beings. That's more or less what happened. And you were trying to, what, fight this guy?

We were trying to stop it. Is that what you're trying to what? Fight this guy? We were trying to stop it. Stop it. Is that what you're trying to do now? No, we failed. You know what? This might be a little out of pocket, but is that the worst thing if they all go away? I mean, I never used any of the gods to help. No one ever came to my door, knock on my door,

helping me out. None of these gods ever did fucking shit for me, so. As an arcane pastor, I kind of agree. Would have been nice to just have a divinity come in and intercede and say, hey, here's powers. You don't have to study all the time. I think the worry is whether you value the gods' contributions in this world or not

is that this thing that Ludinus was releasing. Galapagos. Would it become the only god? There's no guarantee it won't wreck all of us in the process. We certainly went down that little thought experiment. Yeah. Same question, what have the gods done?

Is it the worst if we don't have them? But as someone who has been on the other side of devious contracts, not knowing the full extent of the outcome, that's what made us nervous. We need to find a town. We need to find out where we are. We don't even know if there's gonna be

the right people there. I don't know if everybody had this happen to them, that everybody get thrown. Is it just certain people? Why is it certain people? You guys got thrown together. I got thrown alone. Would have liked to have been here with my ex-fiancee

so I can give him a fucking peace of my mind. Half of our friends went somewhere else. The fact that... You guys were in front of Ludinus? You saw him? And you think your friends are alive? We were all around this piece of shit.

And we were scattered. So their odds of being alive are as good as ours, I guess. And we're still here. Still here. You're still together. You're still here. Can I ask, what are you trying to do now? Are you trying to get back to where you were? Are you just trying to find your friends?

I just want to find them. I think it's just about survival at the moment. All of the previous goals are null and void at this point. It's just about regrouping and recapping. Previous goals are null and void at this point. It's just about regrouping and regathering. Can you die? Yes, I've died twice. Yeah. We don't leave people behind.

That's just the rule. You do not leave people the fuck behind. Well, I owe you, so I'm with you. If you can help me get back to Pride's Call in Wildermine. Keep checking the back of your cloak. You've got that weird tag on the back of your cloak. My papa wrote my hometown

on my potato sack for me. The order of the potato sack is really a choice. Dwendalian Empire. 203 Sheep Road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're brought from the plateau. If you hadn't intentionally gone prone in battle, I really might want to do an insight check on you.

Don't know what came over me. And you have powers now, and you never had magical powers. I have no idea what's going on, but it looks like you know what you're doing. Thank you. I feel like I'm much safer with you guys and whatever I can do to help, just tell me.

I see. Do you have any means of contacting anyone? Well, oh, like a sending spell or something like that? Something like that. No. They don't give that to the apprentices because then we would just go nuts. I had a one-way box.

What's that? It was a one-way magic box. I sent it, though, it was one-way. To your... Yeah, that dumb motherfucker. What'd you send him? No, I already sent it. Didn't hear back. What a bag of dicks.

One-time use? One-time use. Got it from this really nice guy in... I forget his name. Can you send your rat bird to see if there's a town nearby? We saw one. You did? Probably. Well, not close. We're going to have to travel a bit tomorrow. Okay. Well, thank you.

I have no concept of how long the three of us have been awake. I don't either. I'm so tired. You should sleep. I also really only need to do some light reading to relax, so I can watch as well. All right. I can take a shift, too.

I'll take shifts. I'll take a shift, too. I'll take shifts. I'll take lots of shifts. The corpses look okay down by the fire. It's actually pretty convincing. I didn't know you could do that. Four scores! What the heck? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you. I haven't even heard that one.

This is the true power of the Age of Arcanum, right? Yeah. Okay. Setting up yourselves in the encamp, you set up Night's Watch, both of you taking First Watch. Unless there's anything you'd like to discuss while everyone else is sleeping,

we can move on to the next. I have a question for her. Yeah. These people said there was something about Ludinus wanting to release a god or something that kills the gods. And then you said that you were totally cool with that. Well, I mean, it was a knee-jerk reaction.

I don't know. I would have to journal about it to really travel my feelings about it. Do you want the gods to be dead? No, I come from the Shadow Realm, and the main deity there is the Matron of Ravens, and she ascended to godhood on her own. So I, you know, I'm. Are you with these people or against them?

Can I do whatever check you're supposed to do? Insight check, yes. I can also just tell you. You know I want to roll my dice! You're supposed to know whether or not what you're telling him is true. Okay, okay, okay. So you roll insight.

You go ahead and roll and just choose either persuasion or deception. Don't say which. Okay. And we'll say if yours is higher or not. I got a two. I got a two. I got a four. Plus? Plus one. It's a five, and what's your insight?

I win. I mean, my truthful answer, which you now know is true, is... Yeah, what you already told me. You're like, I didn't need a polygraph. Is that, honestly, I'm feeling surprisingly excited to be out of the library.

I thought I was going to freak out. I thought I was going to do what you did. Right. So I totally understand where you came from. And honestly, next battle, that might be me. I don't know what happened. Because I'm hanging on by a thread. I would love to just smoke a cigarette right now

in one fucking drag. What's a cigarette? A cigarette? I'm very sheltered. I've been on a mountain for a long time. Can I, am I allowed to have cigarettes? Do you have one? Yeah, yeah, there are all sorts of pipes and smokes.

Yeah, I pass you a cigarette. Yeah. I pass you a cigarette. Yeah. I pass you a cigarette. Do a PSA on not smoking for the kids. Kids don't smoke, but I'll take one. We'll pipe us one. Your mileage may vary. So basically, I'm feeling thrilled by this.

I am, too. You are, right? It's terrifying. I have no idea what's going on. Everything you were doing with your body, I was doing internally. The shitting, the vomiting. I didn't actually shit on myself.

This time. No, that didn't happen. Sorry, the trickle was just so, it sounded thick. I urinated. Yeah, okay. I didn't have much to eat. I think most of it came out in the vomit. But you're right, there's a care point. Yeah, but I- Probably what I shit on myself.

But I guess basically what I'm trying to say is I've just been sent out here to collect a bunch of information, and I do believe in knowledge, and it feels like these people are powerful enough that I was a fool to think I was just going to walk. Honestly, if no one had been there, I would have walked up to one of those plant monsters

and said, excuse me, sir, do you have time for a short survey? Wow. Yeah. That would have been a poor decision. Yeah, it would have been. So I'm feeling excited. I'm glad that you and I are in the same boat. Yeah, me too.

All right, well. Can I ask you a question? Sure. Do you know if there's a god that has gifted you these powers? Do you feel anyone speak to you, or does any name whisper on the wind to you? I haven't seen my mother in a very, very long time. I think it's her. I don't remember my mother in a very, very long time. I think it's her.

And I don't remember her very well. I'm so sorry that my raven is named Mother. There must be... Well, she wasn't a bird, so it's okay. Okay. So you're cool. I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine with that, yeah. I called her Mama anyways,

so Mother doesn't really have an attachment to me. But I don't know. So you think it could be your mother? I mean, that would change everything. If you're casting magic and it's the love of your mother? I don't know, I mean, yeah, I guess that's pretty special. That really is special. I just don't wanna die, and honestly, more importantly,

I don't wanna piss on myself in a battle again. You won't, and if you do, I will press the Digitation at a way. That's a spell. Okay, thanks. I have no idea what that is. Okay, good to know. Well, thanks for the chat. Yeah, you too. Do we both just want to have our eyes roll back and trance next to each other? Okay. Okay. Okay. Cool. Not a big deal.

Do I roll my eyes back into my head? If you want to. However you want to try. I try to roll my eyes back into my head, and I'm like, I look like this, I'm like, okay. Then just stare straight ahead. Perfect. Now, go ahead and both of you roll perception checks

for your first watch. Oh, wait. That's another nat 20. Look at you. We are doing this today! That's incredible. I'm 10. Okay. Keeping an eye out. How does it roll back in my head?

The adrenaline is still bursting through my veins. Keeping you up. You keep glancing over over and for a moment, you see one of the bodies shift. One of them say, what was one of the first things? No longer! No longer!

You're like, no longer looking and just a frog laying on its lap. And then. Comes off. I send my Manifest Mind to reset the art installation. But beyond that, uneventful. That's good. Okay, that's good. I spend my Manifest Mind to reset the art installation. Back to it. But beyond that, uneventful. That's good. Okay, that's good.

Next watch. We'll take one. Whoever else wants to stay up. I'll go. All right, two of you take watch. It's been a long day. You know you can bring down the compartmentalization a little bit.

We're going to get him back. Hey, we're... What? What? What? If I say too many words, I'm going to cry. Aw. I panicked back there at the... Everything that happened down in the mines, I panicked.

I really... I thought we had done it. I thought you ran straight into that thing, and I don't know, I made some bad calls. Well, we were a bunch of dumb fucks going up against a 500-year-old wizard, so. I promise we're going to get the nerds somewhere safe.

All right. The niece I'm less worried about. And we're going to get our people. How are you so sure that they're alive? Especially Imogen. You saw the way those other red-eyed, because we're all reacting. What if she just got, I don't know, vaporized? Blasted into space, I don't know. If she got blasted into space, we'll go to space. If she got vaporized,

it's not like we didn't fucking find you. There is nothing else until this is dealt with. This is what we do, is we bring everybody back. There is no failure in this. We are going to figure it out because it's what matters. And I have whatever broken thing that's in my head that means that there's, that anything is possible right now is what I've decided. And we brought you fucking back. We can do it again.

I don't think they're dead. I think they're out there. And yeah, this is what we do, is we get everybody back. Sure, we're not enough to save the world, but we can get everybody back. We't save the world. We can save our people, though. We're going to. We can find control over our own tiny little space. Yep. exactly. Speaking of getting everybody back,

I take out Pettay. Aye. Go find the fucking reindeer. Sorry! I don't lock it! Don't lock it! Fuck, what a shame. All right. Yeah. I guess we'll take the last one.

Actually, I think we only need, well, you guys are, if you guys, yeah, we want to triple up, I don't know. You're all pretty exhausted. Taking short watches isn't a bad idea. It makes for some fun moments. Let's just, let's wake up. The two of you finish your watch.

Just as the sun begins to rise over the distance, the two of you awaken to keep an eye on the final track of sleep for the night. So tell me about yourself. Where are you from? Well, I'm from Teldori, like you. Zephra, you've heard of Zephra? Mm.

Mm-hmm. Feels real far away. I wish I knew where we were. Gilmore. That's the name. That's the guy who gave me the box. Gilmore. Real cute. And, uh, you've been to Iman? Mm-hmm.

No, I went everywhere looking for that motherfucker. My ex. Hmm. D My ex. Dairy ex. I'm sorry? Dairy ex. What a piece of shit. Nah. What?

I know him. Are you that little guy from the poster, the wanted posters I kept seeing everywhere? I'm on a wanted. You're on a wanted poster, do you know that about you? No, I don't know. All over Emon. Faceless motherfucker's looking for you. Nameless, what?

I don't know. I'm tired. Okay. How do you know Dariax? Maybe it's not the same one. Dwarf? Redhead? Yeah. A lot of jokes? Yeah. Bad jokes.

Sometimes they're okay. No, they're bad. Applebottom? Oh yeah. What went wrong? What went wrong? Okay, well I'll tell you what. Well, first of all, we were doing a job together. We were stealing furs. What went wrong? So, what went wrong? Okay, well, I'll tell you what. Well, first of all, we were doing a job together.

We were stealing furs. And then, I mean, look, we weren't really engaged. We were pre-engaged. And then one day, he just left me. We were supposed to, you know, deliver the deliverables. And I knocked on his door, and he wasn't there. And then I have all these motherfuckers after me. Where's my money, Denise?

Where's fucking Dariax's money? Where are the furs? Where are the this? Where are the that? Whatever. So I left, and I went to go looking for him, because I didn't want to die. And I kind of didn't want to live without him anyway. And I found him. And how did that go? Well, I didn't get to live without him anyway. Oh. And I found him.

And how did that go? Well, I didn't get to say anything because here I am. You found him the moment all this happened? Yeah, I saw him from across the room. And I was gonna... What are the odds? So what was he, uh, when did you know him? Oh, months back.

I think like five Oh, months back. I think like five or six months back at this point. Yeah, we spent time together on a crew. He's a good guy. Huh. Well, he got into trouble easy. Oh, yeah? What kind of trouble?

I don't know. He's kind of like a kid following a red balloon all the time. Yeah, that's true. But he seemed like he had a good heart. That's true, too. Mom, sorry it didn't work out. Well, I know I don't look it, but I am a hopeless romantic. So maybe I'll find him, kick his ass. You know, I, uh...

I don't like flits of... Keyleth and... Will and all the horror we saw. Twelve hours just flitting by as Orm is having this pretty light conversation. You okay? Yeah. What was I talking about? Your friends?

You leave someone behind? I was going to say that you do strike me as a romantic. You too. That's also true. Do you have someone? No. That makes two of us. I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow, or not today. We've got to find our, um...

What I'm supposed to say is that we're gonna find our friends and figure it out. Yeah. But I'm having a hard time believing it. I wish I believed in a god right now. That would be helpful. But if you don't got that, I got the booze. All right. Um... Cheers. Um...

Cheers. Thank you. You're gonna be okay. The minute you're not okay, you die. The thing is, I don't think I've ever, I just don't think I've ever felt so small. Well, I know I'm like a whole foot taller than you, but same.

You got a big personality. You too! It's hidden but you do. And you fight like a dancer. Very nice. Work at it. I know. We're gonna find your friends.

Or they're gonna find you. Maybe you'll get back to Dariax. Oh God, I do. Do you'll get back to Dariax. Oh, God. Do you want to get back to Dariax? Yeah, I do. I spent months looking for him. And I don't know whether I'm gonna kiss or I'm gonna kill him. Maybe I'll do both. Sounds right.

Sorry about your friends. Thanks. I'm sorry for... us all. I think it's gonna get a little bumpy in the coming weeks. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, I do. But we're strong, we're tough.

We got these big muscles. I got you. I think it's probably time to wake the others and clean up the corpses. That's why I'm gonna grab a little rock, take the slingshot, just wake him up with the slingshot. Maybe throw it at him. Hey, you should watch your stuff better.

Oh, he got me. What time is it? Looking around, it's about maybe 30 minutes into the sunrise, and you can see now from your perspective, the trees, just the faintest bit of that early morning light hitting that blanket of trees and forest across the way on the opposite side of the gorge, even at a distance.

But you're a bit hidden here underneath the forest canopy. Orym, I had a thought. If you want a sending spell, right? I'm really quick with a quill, so if we could find somewhere that had a sending spell, I can transfer it into Denios. What would that do? I'm sorry, I'm really...

Oh, it's okay. Because I'm a scribe, I'm really good at copying things, so I can just really quickly get a spell if we find someone else who has it. Although I suppose if we find someone else who has it, we could just ask them to cast it. But if we went to a library of discarded spell books, I'm just saying, I think that if we could find it somehow,

I could get it. Okay. Good idea. I'm just trying to help. Sure, I don't understand wizard stuff, but happy to help. Sure, I don't understand wizard stuff, but happy to help. Yeah, it's just, if it's written down somewhere. There is something that I wanted to find real quick. Would you guys come with me?

Orym starts scrabbling higher, up the hill. I want to try to clear and see above the forest line if I can. Okay. You all gather your things and follow suit as Orym leads the path up the climbing hills and craggy, rising cliff sides. They get higher and higher up on this side of the forest,

looking for someplace where the treeline breaks a bit. You do find one section of the hill or mountain rock that juts out a bit with two trees that grow out the top of it. The means of climbing them would be relatively easy and would definitely get you above the treeline of this forest. As you all follow behind, clambering up to the side,

you break past the upper view, and as Orym ascends, you look around, and there's this beautiful perspective of this rolling valley that surrounds you on all sides. The soft blanket of deep greens and pale blues that these trees take, just breaking occasionally with verdant green grass fields

and the rolling hills that rise up into singular or clusters of smaller mountains. It's beautiful. For those of you who've grown up in more urban environments and tal-dwin other continents, there's a large swath of this that seems still left natural. That massive dark mountain range that you saw before to the far west still stands dark and tall.

And that singular mountain to the north that rises so high, jostles free between your knowledge as well of the world around and the things you see. You have a much clearer idea now, here in the sunlight, of where you are. That mountain to the north is the Ascendant Bridge Mountain,

and is known to be likely the tallest mountain in Exandria. White with snow year round. It's visible as far away as Vasselheim and the surrounding coastlines of Issylra. It's believed to be where the gods first touched down in the world, where the Titans rose up to meet them when they first arrived in the Founding.

To the northeast of them, that mountain range, you notice the Sunder Peak Mountains, themselves also snow-capped. What separates this, where you stand, the Demethor Valley from Athansia to the northeast, which is the home of Vasselheim, the Dawn City, where the beginning of all civilization on Exandria still resides.

Is the sun hitting? on Exandria still resides. Is the sun hidden? The sun's breaking up over mountains to the eastern side, lighting this valley. I know this is going to sound weird, but this looks expensive. Old. Old money. Wow. Old. Old money. Wow.

Shit. Is that red light thing still in the sky? The laser thing or whatever it's called? It takes a moment to focus as the sunrise colors of oranges and reds tend to swallow the majority of the horizon. But Undine, Ruidus still stands, unmoving, locked in place

for the first time since it began. Still into the south, beyond the oceans. Here, looking upon this beautiful landscape, the signs of roads that break through the natural expanse that surrounds you, little columns of smoke that dot numerous little signs of civilization, villages and townships that you now see emerging and beginning their life

throughout the day that are scattered throughout this valley and beyond. You have options before you. And that nearest village. Wait. Pate! Pate! Oh shit.

Comes back a moment later. I don't know where he is. Probably got eaten or he's escaped me. I don't really know. I can still keep looking. This was supposed to be a beautiful moment where the reindeer suddenly appeared throughout the forest and we were all reunited and you failed.

It's okay, I wasn't attached. It's all right, bad day. It was going to be a surprise. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. It's all right, Bette. It was going to be a surprise. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. It's okay. I can write this wrong. I can write this wrong. What?

I'm going to cast Phantom Steed and try and make it look like a reindeer. I really don't know what to do with that. I don't like it. I don't like it. Are you seriously going to ruin some of your recently and ex- You don't have to do it.

I'm ritual casting, I'm ritual casting. Just wait. That just takes more time on my part and the book opens up. I bet if we go to the nearest town, that's where the reindeer will be. I bet you that's where he went. He's, he's, he would have followed water and food. Let him give you the gift.

I don't need an imaginary horse. It's rude to say no to a gift. It's not an imaginary horse. It's an imaginary imaginary horse. Oh god. Okay, yeah, let's do the steed. Give me a- Why don't you do the nice thing? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yes, please, waste our time. The book opens itself. This feels a little bit like when everyone's telling a kid that their art is good. Just going to retract the magic back into my hands. Later, another time. Can you use it for other things? No, please.

We really wasted our time. All right, Pate, go to bed. Good boy. My personal vote would be to go to one of the more populous centers. Agreed. That's our best bet. You can still see,

visible across the brightening blue sky, the tethers of the Apogee Solstice, the three-day event still high up in the stratosphere, like the Ouroboros, but shifting in rainbow colors. That nexus point a number of miles off, and indeed where you saw that cluster of lights from that village the night before in the shadow, you can see a bit of smoke or steam,

some signs of that civilization still below it. Is this that nexus point? Is this where the gods first descended? That's the mountain to the far north. This is another nexus of power that's settling over this valley. Where's it, sorry, where's Vasselheim? How far is it?

Vasselheim is far in the northeast. It's beyond the mountain range, deep that way. Let's find a town. You tell me where to go. Yeah. Head to where you first saw. Start there, find out. All right.

Agreed. Where on the map we are. Oh man, I have so many questions. Got any more jerky? Chewing on your jerky, and you begin your steps in the direction of that nearest township. Nice to be useful. It's good, it's a good jacket.

You plunge once more into the forest. Is that peppercorn? Do you have a digestive system? It's very slow. Further east into the valley towards your next destination and the first semblance of civilization that may greet you. Orym steals one last look at that rising sun

before following into the trees. That's where we'll end tonight's episode right there. Pick up next time. I don't like it. I don't like it. You're going to like it. All right, we'll pick up here in Assylra. Oh my god, we're in Assylra.

Yeah, a whole area of Exandria that you've not experienced before. You guys are carrying a lot. You guys have heavy hearts. So much pain. I want those corpses to be there for the next thousand years. The rotted skeletons that scream. The one day we do a place of pilgrimage.

Yeah. They're going day do a place of pilgrimage. Yep. They're going to rot into mulch, but still, it's going to be like. Fucking love it. Our legacy. Oh, this is a wax museum. Welcome to the table, friends. Yes! So happy to have you! Yeah!

Oh, how fun! More to come. Fucking fun. More to come for the next journey forward on this group. Thank you all so much for joining us. We'll see you next week. We love you very much. And is it Thursday yet?

Good night. Ow! Yeah! Thank you for listening to this episode of Critical Role. If you've enjoyed this ever-weaving story, please consider rating and reviewing our podcast. You might just inspire someone new to hop on the wagon for the journey. We have plenty more stories to tell. Stay tuned and we'll see you next time.