Critical Role - Choose Their Adventure...Again! Critical Role Foundation One-Shot to Benefit Red Nose Day

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

Help us at Critical Role Foundation and our friends at Red Nose Day to provide much needed assistance to children living below the poverty line. Donate and learn more: https://tiltify.com/@criticalrole/2023rednoseday/   Game Master Matthew Mercer guides a quest shaped by your donations for CRF’s Red Nose Day fundraiser! Laura Bailey, Taliesin Jaffe, and Sam Riegel will play alongside legendary comedians and actors Sam Richardson and Tony Hale to help raise money for the fight against child poverty. MEET THE CASTSpecial Guest Sam Richardson: https://www.instagram.com/thesamrichardson/  Special Guest Tony Hale: https://www.instagram.com/mrtonyhale/  Game Master Matthew Mercer: https://twitter.com/matthewmercer  Laura Bailey: https://twitter.com/LauraBaileyVO  Taliesin Jaffe: https://twitter.com/executivegoth  Sam Riegel: https://twitter.com/samriegel   Character art by Annalise Jensen: https://twitter.com/may12324   Due to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode.Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources Twitch subscribers gain instant access to VODs of our shows like Critical Role, Exandria Unlimited, and 4-Sided Dive. But don't worry: Twitch broadcasts will be uploaded to YouTube about 36 hours after airing live, with audio-only podcast versions of select shows on Spotify, iTunes & Google Play following a week after the initial air date. Twitch subscribers also gain access to our official custom emote set and subscriber badges and the ability to post links in Twitch chat!

Hi there, this is Matthew Mercer, resident Game Master here at Critical Role, to welcome you to this podcast version of the show. If you'd like to watch the stream as it airs, you can catch it Thursdays at 7pm Pacific on twitch.tv slash criticalrole or youtube.com slash criticalrole. Twitch subscribers can access the video on demand immediately after the broadcast and it also becomes available on YouTube Mondays at 12 p.m. Pacific. Podcast episodes land right here on the Critical Role Podcast Network

on Thursdays, a week after the initial broadcast. Okay, with that info dump out of the way, let's dive into the story. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Critical Role, where a handful of voice actors join some fantastic guests to play some Dungeons & Dragons. I want to thank you so much for joining us for a special Giving Tuesday one-shot that was shaped by your donations to our current fundraising campaign for the Critical Role Foundation

and Red Nose Day. All donations made right now and through future donations to Critical Role Foundation will continue to support Red Nose Day's mission to provide vital resources to children facing poverty around the world. So we cannot thank you enough for your donations, sharing our fundraising campaign updates with your community around you, and even just watching or listening to our game today. And because you're all so very wonderful, every dollar donated to our campaign now through November 28th at midnight Pacific will be matched up to $250,000 by Comic Relief U.S. So to donate or share our campaign, please visit critrole.com slash rednoseday. We do have a number of fun people at the table here. Let's go into a quick introduction for what we have. Starting on this side, we have Laura Bailey! Next to you, we have one of our first of two first-time guests at the table, Tony Hale!

Yay! Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Over here, sadly, Liam O'Brien wasn't able to join us. The villain. But our very own Sam Riegel has graciously offered to join the table in his place. You suck, Sam! I do.

I suck! Yay! Thank you so much for making it happen, Sam. Thank you. We miss you, Liam. Our secondary guest for the first time at the table as well, the illustrious Sam Richardson. Thanks for having me, I'm also Sam. Two Sam R's next to you at the table,

I'm sure we'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong? I'm the handsome one. Finally, rounding out on my right-hand side here, the wonderful Taliesin Jaffe. So thank you all so much for joining us, and let's go ahead and jump into this special Red Nose Day one-shot. Hi-yah!

I'm just going to do what you do, Sam. Sure, sure, sure. Welcome to Exandria. In particular, the cozy northwest shore of the island of Athovrae, within the northern reaches of the Shattered Teeth, a collection of 43 islands that make up the ever-shifting region of the world.

Here, within the bustling port village of Drobonagos, which means home of the dreamer in the Galapa tongue, this modest fishing village thrives not just due to the mineral-rich coastal caves that wind through the surrounding seaside rock, but as one of the outlying islands to the seasonally shucks off the heavy mists that normally enshroud the Shattered Teeth, and thus lending itself as a safer supply stop for many sea vessels that brave the region. Now it is here that people excitedly prepare for the upcoming local Musetide Festival, where arts, talents, and crafts are on full, vibrant display throughout the village. People are getting ready to gather in the town center in the week to come. They're already decorating and preparing the region at a leisurely pace, constructing costumes, building

statues of multicolored crustaceans, while others run streamers and colorful banners along the port towers and street lanterns that permeate the streets and roads that run throughout. This jovial energy is infectious, especially in the midday merriment that fills the space around you. Oh, hey. Now, these type of events often also draw opportunists, swindlers, and sometimes a criminal element that exploit the events and its participants.

And it's for this reason the elder Aldafud reached out to all of you to keep an eye out, keep the peace, and help be general security through the setup and event before it arrives next week. Now, you are a curious band of figures. Some of you had some history, some of you don't. But you found yourselves drinking within one of the nearby watering holes of the village, where the elder himself got a bit too deep in his sauce cups and proceeded to angrily tout his frustrations with the youth. What nearly turned into a bar brawl, something that seemed to happen on more than one occasion. You stood to his defense, and he seemed to take your troop as a very talented and well-established group of traveling guardians, and thus felt inspired to reach out to you. I mean, 15 gold a day to just

sit around and watch the local inhabitants of the village just build is pretty easy money, especially if nothing goes wrong, which nothing will go wrong, right? But here now, as you bring us to the warm midday, the blue and cloud-dappled sky above, the smell of sea spray in the air from the higher tide that hits the nearby docks, stages and carts are being set up within the square. As we'll say, the U2 emerge from the closest tavern to the market square as the door swings open with a slam on the side. Sam, if you could introduce us to your character and what we see. Yes. I am Ranthiel Volthor, a human warlock with braided hair tied back with a blue headband and a cloak that covers a fine bit of hide armor.

Ooh, sexy. Very sexy, very charming warlock who loves a bit of booze. He's stammering a little bit because he's enjoyed a little bit of a drink. And I walk out the front door and I'm telling Bramble that she is in fact not my girlfriend. So as you walk through the door,

quickly rushing out after you, gliding through the air, we see Bramble. Laura, if you wouldn't mind introducing yourself. Yes. My name see Bramble. Laura, if you wouldn't mind introducing yourself. Yes. My name's Bramble. I am a fairy. Okay, so I'm about this big. I'm light green with a beautiful, messy mane

of orangish, yellowish hair. I don't know what the natural color is. It's kind of filled with dirt. There is thorns and sticks sticking out of her hair. She's fastened dried leaves and some dead flowers together and make her awesome armor with some fur sticking on there that probably belonged to a mouse that at one point was white.

It's not anymore. I think she smells like a little cloud of rancid meat as she flies around. She's floating around your head going, I don't know what you're talking about, Ran. You didn't say that the other day. The drink speaks for itself, but things happen, but they don't mean anything. Ran. Ran. Give it time? You're going to love this. I'm not into it. I'm just not into it. As this discussion of banter back and forth pushes its way into the din of the busy work in the middle of the courtyard, we shift over to the sound of a practicing band, a troupe of

musicians that are currently by one of the stages that is only partially built. We see a squat halfling who has a hat with the front brim pulled back, and he's currently tuning a lute, staring in a frustrated direction towards another small folk performer who's also tuning their lute. As we turn over to Sam Riegel, if you would like to introduce your character. I'm playing a young character named Scanlan Shorthalt, who is a gnome bard. Let's say that he's wearing purple, he's wearing tight purple pants and a white shirt. But the shirt is buttoned all the way up. He's got long hair down to his shoulders, but he's a little bit later in the world. Yes. He's definitely tuning his lute, but next to him is Kent Plucker. Kent Plucker is the one who's kind of...

Who's a really good, he's really, Kent Plucker's amazing on the lute, and Scanlan's just trying to learn some of the fingerings and get it right. I mean, you can watch all you want all day, but you'll never quite reach where I'm at. I'm going to get there. I just need a little bit more. Can you show me one more time? You suck, Scanlan!

Oh god. Boy, oh boy. A hand touches your shoulder as we look up to the large, charismatic half-orc figure of Dr. Dranzel, the frontman of this performing troupe, pats you on the shoulder. Don't worry, Scanlan. I've seen what you can do, and I look forward to seeing what more you're capable of. Yes, sir. I promise I'll keep practicing and I'll get good. One day, you'll be as good as us. You hear someone else shout, You suck, Dranz'On! He comes with a job. Past Scanlan, we look over to see Kent Plucker, who's now still eyeing the newcomer, Scanlan, to

this troupe, before hearing the sound of a few boards being knocked over from what looked to be a cluster of building materials. To theling, definitely a late bloomer. I'm super excited to be here. I've got messy brown hair and brown boots and some brown gloves. I'm wearing green short pants and a little green shirt that you can't quite see because there's a little leather tunic over it. I've got a little backpack and a little pack that looks like a little pack of cards on a belt. I'm super excited by all of this. This is so cool. Don't realize you had knocked over this majority of building construction materials into the ground. Kent Plucker looks back, boy, I told you to look where you're going. I'm sorry, Dad. Mr. Plucker, Kent.

I'm sorry, Kent, Dad. I'll go pick it up right now. Going to it right now. Good boy, good boy. I'm so sorry. Look, I didn't know he was gonna be here. It's been a few years. I'm almost done.

Just one more. He's not very cool. All done! Did it. Maybe you can learn something. I'm going to get a drink. You want to come with me? He points over towards you. If you wouldn't mind, Tony, introducing your character. Oh, he's already drumming. Yeah, so my name is Sarge, and I'm a drummer. So me and Scanlan, his name's pretty easy to forget. We're in a band together, and I used to be, well I am an entertainer, I used to work for the royal family, as you know, the royal family of Ulladan,

from another land. I don't know for the royal family. As you know, the royal family of Uladan from another land. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Nicodronus. Can I give my secret? You can do whatever you want. For the introduction, hold onto it. We'll see if it plays out. Just so you know, I had platinum white hair. As you notice, I have a dark blue eye and a light blue eye.

It's captivating. These coveralls I'm wearing, I designed perfectly, half dark blue, half light blue. Are they skin tight? They're not. I got black combat boots. Ooh, sick. As you know, for a reason I will unveil later,

because I don't like to give you too much information. I have dyed my hair black, and I have this cloak to kind of keep a little hidden. As you know, this is my friend, my white tiger friend here. Oh. Her name is Ethel. Massive, massive white tiger. She's a massive white tiger. And she is. Her name is Ethel. It's massive. Massive white tiger. Massive white tiger.

And she is kind of a calming source for me because I get a little jittery, but it goes into my art. And I'm gonna turn around for you. If you notice these beautiful platinum drums on my back. At a moment's notice I do a flip and the drums start and it sounds like thunder is on its way.

Some of the local townsfolk stop and turn, looking for the sign of rain in the middle of this beautiful, vibrant day. It's me, not that. Some of them clap and get back to work. Kent looks back at you. Well, come on, let's get that drink. Okay. You're both starting to go over towards the tavern, passing by the two of you just as the elder himself arrives. You see Elder Aldafud, who is this massive male Galappa, this massive bipedal tortoise folk, stands probably about seven feet

tall at the top of the shell. It's lanky, his limbs are very thin, but fan out into a bold thickness at the end of the forearms and the legs themselves, so he walks with this strange lopping gait. You see his gray skin is thick, and there are a whole number of tattoos throughout it, and his shell itself is painted permanently in turquoise shades that give all these different weird symbols around it that denote his years of service here to the village. You can see those dangling trinkets that are tied onto it and holes that are burrowed into the edges of the shell where he hangs them from. As he walks, he jangles with them as he approaches. You see himself shaking off

what looks to be some sort of a hangover himself before he glances over at you, and both of you as you gather outside of the bar himself. Oh goodness, what a pleasure to see you all out here midday. I'm sorry, if you have a moment here, things are starting to ramp up. I think if you don't mind, I'd like all your eyes, just in case. I fly over and grab onto one of his dangly bits on his shell and just start swinging back and forth. That is okay if I go over and talk to the, I know I'm supposed to be a bud.

I'll keep an eye on it. That's okay. Thank you, Mr. Thorvald. Sure enough, I'll go ahead and get my drink, then I guess get your business finished, Sarge. That's his dad? Kent the lewdest is this guy's dad. Well, put it this way. I'm his, Bobby Socks' dad? Kent, the lewdest, is this guy's dad. Different temperaments. Bobby Socks' dad. We'll put it this way.

I'm his donor. Then walks into the bar. Drama! He's super funny. Oh, is he? Okay. Now that you've all gathered at this point, the elder looks about. Well, you've already proven yourselves

to be extremely capable and a very tight-knit group of trusted companions, I'm sure. And to that degree, I'm glad that you've agreed to accept my particular offer for keeping watch over the fine folk of this fair village. I have a feeling, as previous years, that some folks on the outskirts are up to no good. So if you could just be present, keen-eyed, looking for any opportunity to help out whoever needs it around, and if any funny business is happening, well, you just, oops, sorry, shoulder doesn't work.

Give him the business. Might even be a bonus at the end if you do some good work on my behalf. How much? Oh, I guess that's a discussion for what gets done, little house. He gently tips you with his finger as you swing even heavily. Oh, Rubs the back of his chin. The wrinkled front of his tortoise face to the pointed bit of the front of his lip, you can see there's a little bit of a faint, heavy stubble. You didn't think tortoises could grow any facial hair, but you're not sure if it's maybe short bristles. You've not spent this much time in front of an older Galappa, but it's definitely an interesting element as he rubs it and it makes this

loud sound that sets you on edge. Anyway, I'm going to leave you to your business. I got to go meet with a- Is there anywhere in particular where it meant to be stationed or looking for trouble? Well, there seems to be the central region. You're welcome to go on individual walks if you think it's necessary, but I honestly think if anything's going to happen, it's probably going to go down. Can I ask you what kind of things you've seen that make you this skeptical about outsiders? Oh, in all my years as a village elder, all seven of them, I've seen all sorts of folk trying to feed fish from underneath the fishmonger. I've seen children running around and stealing

baubles from the various baublemakers. Children thieves? Children thieves and bauble thieves. We're not talking big crimes. We're talking petty things. Maybe not big to you, but they're big to the fishmongers. They're big to the Biblemakers. As long as the coin spins. I forgot I have an accent as well. As long as the coin spins, it's going to be just fine.

Okay. No worries. He's so dreamy. Don't worry about it. I love it. I'm not my girlfriend. As the elder saunters off for a bit, and the bustle of the city now fills the space. All five of you are now standing awkwardly at each other, with your current business set before you, but no immediate directions. So, Ran, you just are with the woman, and then you can just walk away like nothing matters?

Everyone matters, but only for a short amount of time. Huh. I like that idea. In a way, I fall in love with everybody, but I just fall out of love pretty easily. Do you have any other girlfriends around here that we should know about? No, I don't even have one. Just people I've been Oh, maybe. Mom's the word right now, mate. You hear that? He's been with me. What I hear is you're open.

So how do you, so this is your dad. The guy over there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, no. Do you know anything about what he's talking about, about all these kids stealing stuff and stealing fish and stuff? Well, no. Do you know anything about what he's talking about, about all these kids stealing stuff and stealing fish and stuff? Well, I mean, you know, things happen. This is a carnival or a festival,

and people tend to drink inappropriate drinks, maybe sometimes get a little spiced up, you know, if I've heard. So it's those little things, and little things happen. Little things lead to big things, and so if we just stop people from doing the little things, and just baubles, for example, or cheating at some of the games, which are actually technically rigged, I've heard,

then they won't lead further into a life of crime. Someone, anyone, anyone! And as you're having this conversation, you see this young, early-mid-20s elf-looking woman, waif-ish, thin jowls, her eyes this bright amber color, jet black hair that looks a bit tousled and dirtied, her pointed ears poking through. You can see there's smudges of dirt on the center of her face. She's wearing a simple dress, and she stumbles out into the crowd here. She has this look of concern and or anxiety behind her eyes. Oh, oh, good. And she stumbles and falls on her eyes. Oh, oh, good. She stumbles and falls on her ass. Into the dust.

Oh! Oh! Oh, see Daisy, love? We're going to run over. Hold up a card that says 10 on it. Oh, jeez. Here you go, ma'am. Let me help you up. Well, thank you so much.

You're so kind. I feel like I should roll a strength check for this. Sure, I'm okay. Just off here. I'm not going to deny it. Yeah, thank you. First roll of the game. Awesome. Two. Two. No, no. Thank you kindly. Yeah, thank you. First roll of the game. Awesome. Two.

Thank you kindly. Ow, ow, ow, okay, get off. You both fall back into mud. Ow, ow, help, okay. Rand, maybe a little help over there? You seem to be the mighty rest. She's very heavy. I'll fly over and grab her and pull her up.

This tiny fairy lifts her up under her feet. Oh, wow. Oh, thank you. She's very heavy. I'll fly over and grab her and pull her up. This tiny fairy lifts her up onto her feet. Oh, wow. Oh, thank you. She's very heavy. Goodness, you're looking about at your attire and various adornments. Were you all guardians of this event? Are you all?

Seems that way. For the day, yeah. We're security. What wonderful fortunes protect us. I am impressed. I do hate to ask, and you see her bottom lip Dirty. What wonderful fortunes protect us. I am impressed. I do hate to ask, and you see her bottom lip trembling, like a bit of fear behind her eyes.

I'm a bit... Okay. I meant the lips. Aim's a little off this one. Been drinking Twish. It's early in the morning. I'm in dire need of help. Oh, I want you! I'm in dire need of help.

Such a capable individual as you. Somebody stole your fish or your little baubles? Yeah, exactly. Okay. I live a small ways outside of Drobenagos, in a small cabin by the waters with my sister Telis and my mother, Parthanthenope. Oh boy. Wow. All right.

We've been noticing the local wildlife have been growing unnaturally agitated. When my sister and I investigated, we saw a dark-looking ship secretly docked within one of the sea caves. Many rough-looking types with sharp weapons, not unlike your own. My sister and I went to look, and we were spotted by one of the crew. I barely fled with my life before rushing straight here. I fear my sister did not quite keep up with me. I might have been taken. Could you help me rescue her before the sun sets? Ethel starts to stir, because some of these animals were her friends. She knows what she's talking about. I mean, this is what we're technically being paid to do, I guess. Technically, it's outside of the market, so technically this isn't what we're paid to do.

So should we just not go? I mean, I'm going to say probably not, but don't leave it up to me. We have to help the animals. Very well. I want to go And the sister. I mean, maybe there could be a song in this. If we have some sort of adventure. Oh look, he's already inspired.

Is that six, eight time? Is that three, four time? I can get my nautical knots bobble, so I'll get one more bobble for my bobble belt. Oh, is that what that is? Kids love bobbles. I can get you a little old, but yeah. Kids love bobbles. Is there a direction you think we should start? I can take you there.

You can lead us. I came here from it. Probably the easiest way to get there. That'd be lovely to have you. Yes, please. This might lead to a bonus. Let's go. My name is Ligeia. Ligeia. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

What do you call yourselves? The five of you. The Glorious Ones? The Glorious Ones. Yep. Yep. The Glorious Ones. That sounds important. Yeah.

It is really important. And the Glorious Ones always, G-O, we go. That's right. That sounds important. Yeah. It is really important. And the glorious ones always, Gio, we go. That's right, that's right. Thank you. It's our tagline. That's very clever. Marketing.

Clever and handsome, wow. Oh really? All right, easy. You have a zit on your cheek right here. Can you get it for me? Ah, yes! A temple popper. Lie down and land on your shoulder

and get one of my thorns off and start. She adjusts her dress and turns to show you and immediately stumbles and is about to go into another fall. This clumsy woman. Clumsy one, aren't you? I'll go try and catch her. You want to try and catch her? I scratch your face with the thorns.

Oh! Stop! So go ahead and make, I'll say an athletics or acrobatics check to try and catch her in time. Okay. That's a natural 20. Whoa! Dang!

Woo! Like the shadow of a future charlatan overcoming him from within, and you dart and catch her, almost like a romance novel cover. It's like. Thank you, sir. It was nothing. I was just here. Yes, I was trying to get you off my shoulder. It was

nothing. Lygia? You remembered my name? I remember all names. The only time you remember. She gets back to her feet. Oh, the beating of the heart is fast. Anyway, sorry, I'm a bit clumsy, if you haven't told. This way, through the jungle. As soon as she walks away, I'm going to just turn to Rand and be like, Was that okay? Very good. That was really cool, mate. That was very charming, right?

I was just trying to channel you, and it sort of worked. Well done. I'm proud of you, mate. Okay, okay. As you all begin to head off, as you're stepping beyond the outskirts of the village towards the island jungle that sits beyond, towards the back, the sound of your drum hitting, a cold chill runs down your back, and for a moment, Sarge, you worry that something from your past might still be lingering. Yeah.

Ligeia. Ligeia? Yes, fine drumsman. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Any of these people you saw, did any of them look like royalty from a different land, by chance? If they'd be royalty, they'd be dressing down quite strongly. Most of them quite rough and tumble-looking, to be honest. Okay. All right, just curious. Why do you ask?

I don't know, Ethel. I don't know if I should tell him. Do you really talk to Ethel? Yeah, I talk to Ethel. Can Ethel really understand you? Yeah. Ethel. I don't know if I should tell him. Do you really talk to Ethel? Yeah, I talk to Ethel. Can Ethel really understand you? Yeah. Ethel, do you understand me? Mm. Thank you.

That's clearly Ethel. I'm going to start casting Speed with Animals. Okay. It takes ten minutes, but I'm going to do it. Okay. So as you're flying, you're just muttering under your breath this incantation. Um. Okay.

Oh, it's all right, I thought. So I, a little secret about myself, since we're in this forest by ourselves, and I'm developing trust with you guys. You guys, at least. I got into a little trouble back in my kingdom, the... Nicodranas, where you're from. Nicodranas, where I'm from. I heard that place is awesome. Not for me. There was a murder, which you guys might have heard, the big murder that happened to the townsperson that was trying to sell some goods. They were found dead. Well, I know who did it, that they were in the royal family.

Oh, good. But at the time I was the entertainer for the royal family. I was the jester. Wow, that's a big, right? Thank you very much. I worked very, very hard for it. Does it pay like an annual salary or like by the day? I get like an annual salary, but I get like bonuses every six months if they like me.

If they don't, then I kind bonuses every six months if they like me. If they don't, then I have to spend time in jail and all that kind of stuff. That's a rough goal. Yeah, so I was the jester. They loved me. This happened. It was a part of the royal family.

I became the scapegoat. I did not do it. I'm telling you guys I did not do it. I ran away. If you notice my platinum hair peeking out, I had to dye it black to stay in hiding. Oh, I thought that was a stylistic thing. I didn't do tips like the boy bands of the 90s.

Of the 790s? Of the 790s. Very popular. How long was this murder ago? I'm just taking notes. Your real hair was platinum. I don't know if you need to take notes. Your real hair was platinum, it was the... I don't know if you need to take notes. I mean, you could just listen, but it was about five years ago. You're not gonna do anything with those notes, right?

Oh, okay. So it was about five years I've been on the run, and Ethel has been a guardian for me, and she's been very faithful, and she understands everything I say. Am I done casting it yet? While this is happening, Ran, you see that Lygia is listening, but also keeps glancing over your direction, and when you catch her gaze, she goes,

Sorry, we haven't really discussed much in the way of payment. My mother does have a great many crystals that she's collected from the sea over the years. Would a handsome gentleman such as yourself be ingracious to help? You better step in, because... Perhaps we could go on a date or something after? I'd be very well inclined, I think. Love? Sorry, I've got an accent. Oh, it's all right. I've got one, too. You sure do. I love it. Crystals and maybe a drink in a pub.

I like that. I don't get into town very often, and I'm not used to getting the attentions of swans such as chiseled as you. I find that hard to believe, love. All right, I'm taking to cast you a spell! What are you guys talking about? Nothing. I'm just wanting to thank you all properly for coming to my aid at the end of this. It falls into the ground.

Are you going to come under her now? She's absolutely useless. She's a little clumsy. You turned a corner. Going to pick her up. Clumsy can be charming. Anyway, a date it is. A date it is.

She continues jaunting along. She's faking it. That was awesome. She's faking it. Nobody is that clumsy. And that's how you do it, man. I'm learning so much today. What do you do? Nice try, pal.

I thought that I called her. I called her. You know, you got to learn to walk before you can run. You know what I mean? Accent might help. Yeah. Try an accent on. Maybe that'll fix it. All right, all right. That's good advice. I'll take that. I'll try that. I'll try that. Do as I do. Say as I say. All right. I'll try my best. Try that hard way.

It's a start. It's a start. Also, it's about this time, Bobby, that you hear this faint little cracking sound from the inside of your pack, and you recall one of the odd little things you collected that you thought was a petrified egg of some odd creature. You look back into it, and you can see this unique little ovoid-looking stone about that large. But a new little line seems to have run its way through the side of it. Well, this is a curiosity. I picked this up because I was going to identify it later when I got home with my mineral books,

but it's not supposed to do this. This is very strange. Let's just put it on the ground and... Boy, that's so odd. Is it moving? Do I recognize what this is? You can make a nature or an arcana check. I'm making an arcana.

So you roll a d20 and then add your arcana or nature. Ooh, our first roll! No, that's not our first roll. But it's okay, it's his first roll. 10. So he said either arcana plus three, or what'd you say? Nature. Nature.

So this was arcana, so 13. 13, okay. So looking at this, it definitely, at first glance, it looks like it might be a crafted object, like a decoration someone put on a shelf. But the further you look at it, the details are too fine. This does look like it is or was an egg of some larger creature. You can't quite pinpoint what it is. The somewhat dull gray and cerulean color to it and the nature of the crack seems like it either had been damaged in shifting, but you're not certain if something would be viable to hatch or if it was just damaged in transit. That's as much as you can ascertain.

I'm curious, Matt. Where'd you get this? I got it at a... Where'd you get this? I got it at a... Where'd you get it? Where did I get it? Well, I was taking one of my walks down the beach with my dad, I mean with Kent, and he actually was too busy to go, so I took it by myself, but it was my walk with my dad. And I found it just at the end of the shore, along with three wonderful shells. I actually wrote down what kind of shells they were, but I didn't bring my book with me for this one.

Oh, loser. But I thought it would be fun to identify later. It's, I mean, do you want to open it? Wait, what if it's alive? What if it's a little animal and alive in there? That's why you're going to tap it very gently. Wait, I just finished casting Speak with the Animals. You did.

Ethel's waving. Yeah, Ethel's going over and sniffing it. What do you think, Ethel? Do you think it's alive in there? I don't know. I want to eat. I don't think you should do that, Ethel. Do you really like Sarge?

Does he really understand you? Sarge seems okay to me. What did she say? You can't understand her? We're kind of friends by circumstance. It works out all right for the two of us. Ethel. Yeah?

Nothing. Are you a dude? No, I just happen to have a deeper voice. I'm just wondering. I'm a tiger. Tigers are growly. I'm just wondering. Can you give me the summary of what she was saying? Ethel has the hots for you. A very horny episode.

Well, apparently. A very horny character. I think someone should take a poke at it, someone brave, someone with knowledge. Is that you? No. No, I am a minor. I don't think that would be No. Oh, really? No, I am a minor. I don't think that would be appropriate. Mr. Voltar, Voltar. Just call me Ron, mate.

Mr. Ron, you seem cool. You should just, I don't know, just give it a... It'll like you, because you're really, I mean, everyone likes you so far. I place it on the, it so a little bit further from it, and then, casting an Eldritch Blast on it would be too overkill. I don't know, what do you want to do?

Wait, can I try to talk to it first? Do your thing, you do your thing. Yeah, do your thing, what do you want to do? I zap it with an Eldritch Blast. Perfect. As you all step back into the brush of the jungle, you watch as Rand sets it down in the middle of a cluster of roots in this small, maybe five-foot clearing.

Let's take a close look at this. Really delicate. Really delicate. This is very delicate. Watch as I do. Okay. Do as I do, not as I say. Place it there and blast it. Go ahead and roll for the attack. Do as I do, not as I say. 12 plus six, so it's 18.

18. You watch as this delicate, weird... What color would your energy apparate? Blue. Like a deep cerulean blue energy gathers up in his hand before darting outward and blasting this egg-type object. The dirt just explodes into a cloud of dirt and dust and clods of earth, and the egg just goes and vanishes off into the jungle above. Bit of opakil, I think. Sorry about that. Wait, did it disintegrate or did it just shoot away? You just saw something go off into the jungle.

Did, oh. Can I fly over and see if I can see where it landed? Make a perception or investigation check to try and find it. Ooh, I know that. I am, okay. I'll assist. Oh, okay.

Sometimes you can just, if you're going to join someone. One roll. Okay. Oh, Jesus. Oh god. One, and thank you for the assistance. 15. Yay! Okay, 15's better. As the egg goes flying off and you all take a moment of, oops, Bramble scoots off after it into the jungle, just fluttering the wings as she disappears into the nearby dangling vine clusters.

It smells much better for you guys. Darting around, you try and take a moment to figure out where it might have gone, and you veer to the right, veer to the left, looking for any sign of recent movement, and you do hear the faint sound of something coming to rest. You dive around one of the heavy trunks of a nearby

jungle tree, the roots and thick canopy of it twisting around it, and this heavy moss and fern growth that almost completely enshrouds the exterior bark of the tree. You glance and can see the egg itself has come to land, seemingly unscathed by the impact. Is it inside all the... It's half resting inside a cluster of ferns and nearby moss. As you all catch up and look into, who here has the highest perception score? What's yours? If you're looking at your skills. Me.

Six. Two. Yours is good. I have a five. Five's not. Two. Yours is good. I have a five. Five's not bad, either. Plus five, right? Plus five, yeah.

That's good. All right, so both Sarge and Bobby, the two of you, as everyone glances at the egg, you hear this faint singing, this soft, like,. That's beautiful. From the egg? Not from the egg, just in the atmosphere around you. What is that? Gosh.

That's beautiful. Are you sure that's not Lygia? Yeah, where is Lygia? You now look behind you and Lygia is like, Sorry, I got a little bit behind you. What's that sound? That wasn't you? No, and you hear it still like, Is it a recognizable tune of any kind? Popular?

Not particularly. You begin to follow the best you can where it might be, and you glance up into the boughs of the tree where this had fallen. Amongst the lower branches, mostly just tangles of leaves and extended, almost like gnarled fingers that come to pointed edges, you see one beautiful, vibrant, reddish-purple apple that is hanging at the end of the branch. Ooh, that's dangerous. It almost emanates with a faint aura of magical power. We should eat that.

Guys. I come from a religious background, that's not a good idea. Just letting you know. Should we at least take it, then? A voice fills your minds. Eat it? Welcome, children. It's the snake.

You've found the Grove of Enlightenment. Here, all the knowledge and purpose and potential can be granted. I am but a symbol and servant of the future to those who are brave enough. I would like to use my perception. Is that right, where I can really see if what they're saying is true? That'd be insight. You want to roll insight on that? Go for it. Can I do my insight? You may, go ahead and roll a d20

and add your insight skill. Do you want to see the apple up close? Sure. I can pick you up and fly you up. Okay, I'm flying you up to the apple. I can pick you up and fly you up. Okay, I'm flying you up to the apple. You can pick up? I'm really strong! Okay, okay. Very strong, trust me on that.

You feel like you're being hoisted up by. I'm just holding you up by your drums. As you clutch, and you touch the outside of it, and as you do, it's warm to the touch, but not in a non-inventational way. It's smooth and it glistens with a weird multicolored sheen. You hear what sounds like a choir of angelic voices that emanate in the space around it. As it speaks, it's welcoming and warm, and it says into your mind, come, child. Guys, I'm using my insight because I'm getting a bad vibe.

Okay. Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your insight skill. And that's the, yeah, you got it. Okay. No, that's not good. Five and then a plus. Plus five, so that's not terrible. 10. You must a plus. Plus five. That's not terrible. 10.

You also have luck if you ever want to die. Oh, you're a halfling? No, you have a, oh, you took that feat! If you care to. I care to. All right, so spend one of your luck points. Spend one of my luck points. Just cross one off and roll again.

And that's here? That's here. That's here, yeah. Bloop bloop. We'll cut that out. And that's here? That's here. That's here, yeah. Bloop bloop. We'll cut that out. Right? We'll edit that out. You don't need to. Okay, so then I do, for luck points.

You just roll again. You just roll again. Just roll again. You'll be better this time. You can pick one or the other. Come on, come on, come on. 19! Yay! 19 plus five? Is that 19? Yes, it is.

Yeah, 19 plus five, 24. That's something. So in looking into this, it seems almost too good to be true, yet the way its voice enters your mind, the sense of power and ancient energy that seems to permeate this rare creation here in Exandria,

you get the sense that this is a gift, maybe an ancient gift that nobody's quite stumbled upon. You don't feel worried, you feel gifted. What do you think, Sarge? My insight that I'm getting is definitely true. As far as you can gather, unless it's extremely deceptive, you feel a little more trust and some of your worry begin to ebb away. Bring me with you. There's a parallel story to this that doesn't end up well.

Maybe on Nicodranas, but not here. Let's get there. Okay, maybe this is an alternate universe. So I say let's pull it down to the ground. So would you mind carrying it back down to the ground? Not at all. Thank you. As you pull it free from its single stem, the angelic voices fade a bit.

You killed it! It's still warm in your hand and it says, I will come with you and my gifts will be yours. Interesting. Your gifts are mine, personally. Whoever is brave enough to take them. What do you think, should I blast it? I don't think so.

Can we all hear the apple talking or is it just Sarge? It's like the voice sources thing is ringing through the corners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it glow? It has a faint glowing sheen to it, almost like an oil, multicolored sheen across it. It's mostly this deep reddish-purple color, and then as you turn it over in the light, it shows. I see a little loop. Could I wrap it around a string and wear it around my neck? You could.

And then I can be the protector of the gifts that we have. I'm going to land on your chest and try to take a bite of it. What? Okay. What? Bramble? What? Bramble. Is that a word?

Is that a word that you've ever heard in your life? Beelzebub? Bramble? Bramble? Bramble. Bramble. You can call me the thorn. I'll call you Sticky. You can call me BT. You can call me. Just don't call your girlfriend.

So there's plenty of stuff to eat around here. You got, look at all this. That was magic, though. That's a magic apple. I understand that. This is not one you're gonna partake of. Why, though? Well, it's got- Apple, do. This is not one you're going to partake of. Why, though? Well, it's got- Apple, do you want us to eat you?

Don't listen to it. This apple told me that they got special gifts for us, and that's what this is for. You see that pear over there? You can have that. I don't see any pears. There's five of them right there. It's a little brown, a little mushy,

but it's definitely an edible pear. I'm going to wrap this around, and when I'm sleeping, I don't want a bite out of this in the morning, okay? So I'm going to wrap it around my neck and carry it right here. Maybe I'll do it. All righty.

As the music and the voice fades, you can recollect your egg, which looks unblemished. So you still have a crack on it? You blasted it and nothing happened. Very curious. I'm going to just give a little tap-tap with one of my, I've got something in my path. It's like hitting a rock.

It's just extremely solid. I feel like you blasted it. It's hollow or anything? You blast too many things. You blasted that, you blasted Bramble. Just love to blast things, man. That's what I think. Loves to many things. You blasted that, you blasted Bramble. Just love to blast things, man. That's what I think. Loves to blast things. Blasted Bramble.

Or sticky, as we like to call it. As you place that looper on your neck and the apple sits on your chest, to be emboldened and exalted, the future is yours. It's telling me to be emboldened and exalted is... That's a good thing. This seems like a good... It's a very good thing. There was something else you said in the end. The future is yours. That the future is ours.

That's nice. I'm going to quickly look up in my nature guidebook about hallucinogenic apples, just to make sure there's none in the area. Make a nature check. All right. That's a seven, where am I at? 12. 12. Mm.

Apples, you really know. Funguses, other fruit that has gone bad and turned can cause all sorts of intoxication, but this, you've never seen something like this before, not in any of the books you've read. Well, unless there's mold on it, any kind of local mold, or if it's started to go bad and has a smell of grandma's special stuff,

it should be not causing any sort of hallucination. Maybe it's just a talking apple. I mean, I guess, maybe, I don't know. Would someone like to ask it another question? I mean, I feel like Lygia wants us to go rescue her sister, right? Oh, right. As interesting as apples and eggs are.

I feel we should just. There's a lot of them. You can look back at Lygia, he's just leaning his tree, going like, Right? You can hear the apple, right? You can hear it? This is the apple story, right? Just carefully putting this apple around his neck.

Sarge pats it gently. I've got a whole backstory. I feel like the apple's put more of an effort to get to know us. We've got our apple, we've got our egg, we've got our tiger. Let's go on our mission. We should probably get moving. Sorry to keep you waiting, darling. It's all right. The mists are coming in close, so we should be wary as we go. Who's leading our journey? You'll lead. All right, go ahead and make a survival check for me, if you

don't mind. I should have known that we'd do this. Okay. 18. 18, okay. Not bad. You coast them around through the thicker parts of this jungle to what looks to be a clearing where there is a pile of gathered vegetables that look beautiful and polished. There's a small sign that says, Free Stuff, in the middle of it. I never say no to free. Yeah. Vegetables that are polished? They're cleaned and shiny.

Free stuff, huh? Wait, it's just a bunch of stuff? It's free vegetables! In the middle of the woods? I go take one. I'm curious. You fly over and you pick one up. Do you talk, too?

You hear nothing back. That's so special. How big is the vegetable? Well, the one that you grab it close to you is like a gourd, so it's large. You're like. I'm going to tie a string onto it and put it back. As you.

So petty. Maintaining height as best you can. Ethel, do you smell anything funny about these vegetables? What do you say, Ethel? She can understand me. It's not a problem. Oh, okay. Speak, Sullivan. His shirt's growling.

Oh. Wow. Interesting. Yeah, give it a little bit of a magic check. Like, see if there's anything odd about this. I make a perception, if you'd like to, to see if there's anything that catches off your attention in this space. Okay. That's a d20? Mm-hmm. All right.

d20 and add your perception. 15 plus perception of two, so 17. 17. You see on the ground around it what looks like four separate snares that are not very well hidden that are surrounding the outside of this pile. You can see the rest of the snare tethers are run up the side of this pile. You can see the rest of the snare tethers are run up the side of some of the nearby jungle trees that surround this clearing, where branches are pulled down and taught. Then you also notice in the bushes just beyond it, what looks to be four of these small, deep maroon and red scaled looking humanoid creatures with these long,

almost lizard-like snouts, little horns in the back of their head. They're wearing tattered tunics and have what looks like a net over one arm, or maybe a spear in the other. They're all these little kobold-like creatures that are like. Easy. I smell a trap. He's good. He's so cool. He's just so cool. I think someone else wants some vegetables. I've never seen free vegetables so nice, so free before. Something's up. Look at these snares.

Wow. That's a trap. You hear in the bushes, shit! See? Also, somebody just said shit. Shit! There it is again. Should we attack him? You know what? What if you flew in there, because you're not going to step on the traps and see what's behind there.

Sure. Can you hold my gourd? I'll fly over. To where they are hiding? To where they're hiding. Okay. You fly over, and they're both still looking out at the rest of them. They haven't noticed you as you fly above. They're hiding! They all look up at you.

And they scatter. You go in for a full attack on them? Sure. All right, let's roll initiative. Oh yeah! All right. Roll a d20, sir. This is our initiative roll.

Oh, indeed. Ooh, boo. This is our initiative roll. Oh, man. Indeed. Ooh. Six. Six plus three? Oh, I got that guy. Yep. That's a natural 20, friend. All right. Woo! You got a natural 20? I'm a natural 20! Woo! Woo!

All right. I'm going first. So maybe this is the wrong time to roll a natural 20. He's going to the other house. So think about how you're going to attack. So I attack the little guy. You will. So 20 to 15?

19. He got a natural 20 over here. Oh, so you're, what number are you? I'm 23. All right, 15 to 10? I'm 10. 10? Yeah. All right.

How many little guys we got back there? Four of them you see hiding in the bushes. That you see. Indeed. And then you got a nine, Ran. All right, and Scanlan? I got a six. All righty.

Rolled so good. All righty, so with that, Sarge, as you see her shouting out, they're hiding, and they all suddenly start to scatter out, grabbing for whatever tools are nearby. You have the jump on them. What do you want to do? I'm going to take my blowgun with my darts, and I'm going to go to two darts in here, two

poisonous darts. They're poisonous. Don't breathe in. Because this is D&D. And I'm going to go to two of them. You got it. And whatever happens, I get my roll. So go ahead and roll your d20 twice, and then add your attack modifier, which I think is six. Okay. I roll this twice? Yep, roll that twice and add six to each. 18. Nice.

Great. And the other? And the other is? 17. No! Good opening round. Okay, so two of them are running away. They both take, I think it's four damage, it says, for your blow dart, right? Yes.

It'll stay next to the blow dart. Oh, four damage, yeah, four. So they both take four damage, and because they're poisoned, they have to make a saving throw to see if they become poison themselves. Nope, that's going to be a failure at eight. And a seven.

So both of them fall to their knees and start coughing, clutching their neck, black sputtering out of their jaws as they're like, starting to get anxious and nervous, while the other two look back and pull out their weapons. But they're still backing up a little bit. So great, you backing up a little bit. So great, you got both blow dart shots. So are those two pretty much out of the game? For the time being, they seem to be not doing well, but who knows if they'll recover.

Yep, yep. Do you want to get closer, or do you want to stay put where you are? I think I'll stay put where I am. Okay, cool, so that finishes your go, great. Bramble, you're up. I would like to rage! All right. Describe how Bramble rages're up. I would like to rage! All right.

Describe how Bramble rages for me, please. Her wings glow, and they start to flutter really fast, and her hair, which is normally an orangish-yellow, fires up to a reddish color. Okay. And she's going to charge down with furious wings at the little dude in front of her. Okay, so this is of her. She's going to hit with her axe first.

Go for it. Roll for your attack with your axe, and then roll with your other weapon if you'd like. Okay. I can add 12. 12 just hits. Oh, sweet! Okay, and then I'm following it up with my sword attack on them. Go for it. Jeez Louise, I suck. Nine doesn't hit. Nine does not hit, no.

But I'll roll for... This is one of the ones that wasn't blow darted, correct? This is one of the ones that was not blow darted. You got it. I don't know why I... Okay, wait. D10. Because I'm raging. Correct.

Okay, 11 points of slashing damage with my battleaxe. And then I'm going to fly away. Okay, so you immediately go in with your battleaxe and your sword. The sword goes wide on the second strike because the battleaxe just smears this kobold. Oh, sweet. It gets splattered against the tree behind. The one next to it goes like. It gets splattered against the tree behind. The one next to it is like. Oh, sweet! That means I get another attack!

Okay. Right? If I knock somebody out, I get to attack again? Do you have an ability that lets you do that? Isn't that a barbarian thing? No, that's a feat ability. That sounds cool. That is cool. There are feats and abilities that can do that.

That was what Grog used to do, so that's why I thought it was a feat. Yeah, because he had the feat. But that's okay. Ah! As you fly back into the air, this blood smear in the front of you. It's this nightmare fairy pulling back into the jungle. Great. That finishes your turn. It's now their turn. The two that are on the ground coughing look up and you see the black dripping now their turn. The two that are on the ground coughing, look up and you see the black dripping from their jaws. One of them picks up its sling and goes.

It's going to fling it towards you. I'm going to turn, and it's going to bounce off the platinum drums. It just might. We'll see. That's going to be a total of 16 to hit. What's your armor class? Your armor class looks like a shield right there. Yeah, we'll see. That's gonna be a total of 16 to hit. What's your armor class? So your armor class looks like a shield right there. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just say what it is. What is it? My armor class is 17.

17, so yeah, rolled a 16, so it does miss. So indeed, you spin and it bounces off the drum with a heavy sound. Cool fill, that's a cool fill. Thunder. And he goes like and he's gonna dart backwards. The other one that's currently still sputtering. Does it hit that guy? Does it bounce back and hit him?

It doesn't quite, though it hits the ground nearby. The other one's going to grab a dagger and lob it at you again, because it just doesn't like being blasted with that. That's going to be a 14 to hit. That also misses. So you seem to have the drum to defend yourself, and darting through the bushes, both their attacks go wide, no impact. You had killed one of them, and the other one that was preparing itself as you darted away can't quite get into range, so it's going to take its sling and swing it. The one that's probably going to be nearest and most visible will be the human, because everyone else is a little more short. It's going to unleash that towards you. That's a natural 20, so that is a critical hit against you. In your confident eye of watching most of this troop immediately scatter, one of

them gets a lucky shot that pings you right between the eyes, right in the forehead with a heavy. Your vision goes white for a second. You take, still didn't roll very good though, six points of damage. Ouch! Yes! Oh. Whoa. Nobody hits me in my face and lives to tell about it. Nobody hits me in my face. The combo that he kind of sucks out of that. Cackles in your direction.

Oh, that's right. Bobby, you're up with Ran on deck. What are you gonna do, Bobby? Okay, I'm super confused, because there's just too many options. I'm gonna look in my book and see if there's anything local that I can use. Oh, there is a particular type of thorn vine that grows in this area.

I'm going to cast Entangle, and I'm going to attempt to entangle the creatures that are trying to run away from us right now. You got it. All righty. That's a dexterity saving throw, I believe. It's a creature in the area that casts a strength saving throw. Oh, strength saving throw. You got it. All right, so the three that are remaining are going to make that. I'm not even joking. Natural 16, so the three that are remaining are going to make that. I'm not even

joking. Natural 16, natural 19, and natural 20. So all three of them resist the entangle. That was real lucky. Oh, fish sticks. But the ground around them is now difficult terrain. You watch as all the vines and ferns around start overgrowing and becoming this dangerous-to-traverse space. They're not entangled in it yet. But yes. You want to stay put or do you want to move in? I'm going to run over and get ready to help Mr. Wren in case anything goes wrong.

That's kind. Thank you. Okay, and Wren, it's your turn. Rub my head very angrily and prepare to cast an Eldritch Blast at a distance. You shoot two blasts, so you can shoot two different ones or one blast? I'll try to, I'm going to blast the one who hit me. Okay, so go roll for that attack. That's plus six, is your modifier?

Mm-hmm. It's a five. So 11? 11. 11 just misses. You fire the first one, and you figure your eyes are still a little wonky, and you're seeing a lot more than are there, as their vision's blurring. You fire the first blast, and it slams into the nearby tree and splinters nearby. The kobold was laughing, and he goes like, and starts freaking out as you can attack again with your second bolt, if you like. Oh, yes. That was just a warning that this is coming.

18 plus six. That'll hit, so go ahead and roll damage. 24. Hell yeah. Dead on. Is this one like, it's like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, pfft. You fire it forward.

Go ahead and roll the damage on that one, which I think is a ten-sided dice, plus three. Come on, come on. Four plus six, seven. Seven points of damage. That will cause him to... The impact hits, you see him tense up and opens his eyes. He just has this massive hole in his chest. Oh wow. And just comes to the ground. And he just has this massive hole in his chest. Oh wow.

And just comes to the ground. And especially no one laughs at me. So cool. So two of them have been destroyed, and the two that are still standing are barely standing, poisoned by the blow darts. That brings us to Scanlan. Do they seem still a threat, or should we? They're both on death's door.

On death's door. I feel bad about this. They're just little guys. Then what do you want to do? Okay, I will then, as an action act... Destroy them! I just can't. I just can't. I'm going to go over, I'm going to talk to them. Okay, so as they're both

getting up and trying to grab their utensils and tools. Hey, hey, hey, I, oy. Very good, very good. Oy, you don't want to fight us anymore. Are you attempting to persuade them or intimidate them? I'll cast a suggestion. Okay, okay.

I'll cast a suggestion. You don't want to be fighting us anymore. That's very good. All right, so one of them, you target. That's a natural five. One of them is like. Wow, the accent really works. It works every time. Wow! It takes its weapons and throws them to the ground and just looks at you like, Wow. Hey, look at that!

The other one goes like, Never come like you dirty, dirty! It's going to grab its stuff and it looks like it's getting ready to run. And then as a bonus action, can I inspire now, too, or is that a? As a bonus action, you can, yeah. Okay, cool.

I will also, as a bonus action, I will turn to my fellow handsome charmer over here, and I will inspire him. I will give you some extra points you can use on your next turn. How do you inspire him? I will sing to him. I will sing a classic song where I'm from. Richardson, Richardson, it's Rontheo time in the city. Okay, that's it. All right, so you have a, is it a d6? It's a d8.

A d8 at this level. That's what it says. So you have an eight-sided die that you just keep to the side. This early, I know, I don't understand. And whenever you have to make an attack roll or an ability check, you can go ahead and add that dice to it if you feel like it needs the bonus.

Okay. It's like a little thing that sits in the wings until you want to use it. I got you. All right, that finishes your turn, Scanlan? Yes. Sarge, you're up. One of them seems to have thrown its weapons down,

and the other one is gathering its equipment and about to run. What do you want to do? What do I want to do? Yeah. What do you want to do? What do I want to do? I think I'm an acrobat, so I am going to do some flips and get in front of him and stop him. Fantastic. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check for me. So go ahead and roll your d20. Do I have to do a check for that? Yeah, add your acrobatics check for me. So go ahead and roll your d20. Do I have to do a check for that? Yeah. Add your acrobatic skill.

So acrobatic skill. Got it. Nine. Was that a nine or a nine? Plus. Okay, acrobatic. Oh, nice! Plus six. Plus six? That's 15. That's great. Okay, so there's enough clustered trees around you that you look up and dart off to the side, parkouring off one end, leaping onto a secondary branch, leaping and spinning in the air, doing a back handspring as you impact on the softer part of the jungle floor, and then land right in front of this kobold.

It's about to flee. It turns and sees you, surprised, in its face. It looks back to where you were, looks where you are, and it looks spooked that you're suddenly where it was trying to escape. I've noticed he's not looking at me, he's looking at the apple. There's something about the apple that he's more interested in than me. Yeah. So I immediately am concerned. You're using your turn to worry? So I need to roll for how worried I am?

No, no, you're just worried if you want to. Roll for bladder. I will say, as you keep it from leaving, the fog that has rolled in the mists that have swallowed here, that cold sensation runs down your back once more, and you swear you see a shape moving through the mists. It almost looks like a face or a person, but then it's there and it's gone.

It's a face I recognize. It is a face you recognize. Yeah. It's a face I recognize from many years working with this face. Do I say what I think it is? That's the end of your turn. You just now recognized them, and now you move on into combat two. Bramble's go. Yes! I'm going to fly down in front of Sarge and land on this little creature's head, and I'm going to take my sword and try to stab it down into his head.

All righty, go ahead and roll your attack with the sword. The kobold stops and looks up at you. Jesus, what am I going to do? I'm getting rid of this dice for now. That is four plus something. Yeah, I know, dude. It's 11. It's not going to hit. It just misses. You dive down and hit the dirt next to it in the ground, and the kobold's like, and screams at him. He takes his guard and whacks him, swinging around and trying to chop his legs at the bottom. Go for it.

Okay, that's a 19 plus. That'll hit. Go ahead and roll damage on that. Okay, okay. So d10 plus, so eight points of damage. All righty. On his ankles. On his ankles, that'll take him out. As you take off the legs, he falls to the ground like

. Screams at the space where its legs once were. Hey, I liked your jumping. Thank you. I appreciate that. The only one that's standing is the one that threw its weapons on the ground and is still staring at you, Scanlan. Oh, oh no, he's our friend.

Stop looking at your foes, Scanlan. Oh, oh no, he's our friend. Stop looking at your phone, Scanlan. He's our friend, he's our friend. Well, he's no longer fighting. Okay, just settle down now. Settle down now. Very good. And what, are you with anyone?

Do you work for anyone? Very good, it's getting very good. Oh no, does he not speak common? Oh no. He glances at you for a second. Do you speak gnomish? I speak. Oh no, he doesn't speak my language.

I speak. Oh, he does! He just has a really strong accent. See? Like me! We both have accents! Okay, it's gone. Do you work for anyone else? Is there anyone? No!

We just wanted to get people stuck in my muscles! Then run away! What are we doing with this? You killed my friends! Well, they tried! You hit me in the head, mate. Well, you showed them some of the ambush. What are you protecting?

I think we were burned! Well, lesson learned, eh? Apparently! My apologies! Well, then run off and learn your lesson. Picks up his stuff. Leave the vegetables. Okay.

I'll try the dust. Goes in and beats the pockets of all the bodies of his friends and fills the stuff. Spits on one of them. I don't like them anyway. Then darts off into the rest of the jungle. The apple's still thrumming into your chest. As you glance over into the nearby mists that surround you. It's almost like the shade of a person walks through and catches your eye and then disappears into the mist.

All right. Remember how I told you that guy- Am I allowed to speak? You can say that. We're all friends here. Are you scared of us? Do you remember how I told you that I knew the person who did the crime that I was blamed for? Yeah, you revealed all of your secrets really quickly and easily. We didn't even ask.

Listen, I'm a little too vulnerable. I'm an open wound. That's the guy. What guy? The face that just walked by. Did we see the face? I saw the face. Yeah. If you want to make a perception check. You get feverish, babe.

It's a little terrifying. 17. 17. You look around the mists as they roll and push through this area. Now that it's later in the afternoon as well, the mists are quite thick, and you do see the shape of a person moving through, almost like it's circling around, and begin to hear a. Did you hear that? I couldn't make it out.

It's my name. Oh. It's my name. Oh, sorry. It's my name. Oh. So there's a ghostly effort. Wait, you have a ghost after you? Yeah. Wait, so he's dead? Yeah. Oh, wait. Yes.

Yes. No. No. I don't understand. I'm a little confused myself, to be honest. You know what? Let's just keep it this way. You may not know. Maybe the answer will present itself to us.

I think the answer will present itself to us. Let me back up. Okay, do you remember how I said that the guy who did the murder, right? I thought it was him. Not him. No. Okay. No. The person murdered, that's who it was. That you saw?

Are you sure about that? You know what? Maybe don't go on record yet until we actually see. I can see why they didn't leave her in Alabama. Did you actually kill the guy? Seems like it. No. I was a scapegoat in all this. A skateboard? I was a scapegoat in all this. A skateboard? I was a scapegoat.

Insight check. Insight check. Listen, the truth is, I'm a skateboard. I'm calling an insight check. Can I call an insight check? That's fine. It could be completely open with you. So you do like kickflips and stuff?

19, 19 in Sun Trek. He's not a skateboard. I'm pretty sure he's not a skateboard. I've been through a lot, and I'm really traumatized. I have been on the run. So I thought it was my enemy. Now I'm realizing that's the guy that they killed, and I think he's haunting me. Well, thinking that's coming up. Again, I feel like you should just. You hear the special voice,

and go through the mist, says like, Disclarification. It's a little bit closer to what occurred. Listen, yeah. I just think we need to put all our cards on the table. Really be honest. Okay. So that's what's happening.

Are we all sharing backstory now? Please. It would make me feel a lot better. So all that to say, that was terrifying. Yeah, no, that looked terrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You seemed terrified. Yeah, I mean, you drummed with a little bit

of nervousness that I haven't heard yet. I mean, did you guys not hear? No, we heard that. We all heard that, yeah. So should we go attack it or find it? I don't think you can. It's a dead guy. It's a spirit. However, I think that it went in that direction.

We are the glorious ones. And we go. We go. And we go. The dishwasher emerged from the other side. Is it safe to come out now? Oh, sorry about that, Lyle. I'm not quite sure. I'm not quite sure.

We've been quite distracted a lot. We're like a bell or something. Exactly. What are we doing? Oh, well, we're supposed to stay with your sister still. Right, that's what I'm trying to help you. We should get moving, eh? Yeah. There's lots of distractions in this place. You're supposed to save your sister still. Right, that's what I'm trying to help you. We should get moving, eh? Yeah!

There's lots of distractions in this one. We're a distracted bunch, aren't we? That's right. That's right. There's a lot going on. Right down this path. Oh, great. And we're not too far from the coast.

All right. Okay. Ooh, look, a flower! Oh, no, no! Gather round, let's look at it! Please! Real quick, Mr. Rant, if I could just do one thing, and I go into my pack, and I pull out a little bandage, Gather round! Let's move, Cassie! Please! Put it on your neck! If I could just do one thing, and I go into my pack, and I pull out a little bandage and some

what might be bactine, we don't know. It's a fantasy bactine. I put it on, and I just put it right on the wound that you had right there. It is a unicorn bandage, but it's still good. And it works. And so you, I'm going to use that to cast Cure Wounds. So you get, ah, it's pretty good. Six plus my spellcasting ability modifier. Nine points of healing. You're back up to normal.

Wow. Yeah. It's the unicorns, they really do it. In front of your face. The bandage really sets off your eyes. Thank you. If you want to step into the woods, I'm available. I don't not want to, but also, we really should focus. Also, there's a ghost in the woods.

That's right, so. Hey, ghosts are fine. I saw ghosts in the woods. For there's a ghost in the woods. That's right. Hey, ghosts are fine. I saw ghosts in the woods. For clarification, the ghost of the princess. Is there something going on there? No, no. We're dating. He's my boyfriend. We're not dating.

He's not my girlfriend. He is, I am. I really want to see what this goes. He's in love with me. I'm not not in love. We have a little bit of a situationship. We can discuss later, I suppose. Let's get moving. Okay, yeah, seriously.

Pushing through the mist, you can hear the sounds of the nearby waves beginning to crash louder and louder as you approach the outskirts of the coastal region of this island. Eventually, the thick jungle brush begins to give way to sand and rock, and you begin to see the very edges of the ocean itself crashing upon the beach shores. She begins to walk onto the right-hand side of the cliffs that rise up alongside this beach that mark the edge of the island, gliding you over to that area. You can still feel that golden thrum of the apple. Do not worry. I will grant you all you need. Protection and power is yours, should you take it. That's so nice. Everybody needs one of these.

I know, that's what I'm saying. Give me a bite. Following on, eventually you come to the edge of this massive seaside cave entrance. You can see there's other smaller caves, but there's this massive opening that curves over an arch where the ocean in that pulls in, like a lagoon that's hidden within the cave itself. She turns around, like Gia, we're not far from where we saw the ship. you see another shape begin to emerge from the mist. Looks like another young woman, not different from her size. The sound goes, Sister, is that you? Sister!

And you see another woman appear from one of the other seaside caves nearby, looking like her as well, redheaded. And then we see the other sister arrives, a dark auburn coloration with a bit of a blonde highlight. As they step out, the sister goes, You must come help us. The ship, bad people are in the cave. Insight. Terrible, terrible. Yeah, we're dealing with mental illness right now. Terrible. Both of you make insight checks for me, please. So roll d20s and add your insight.

That's phenomenal. I don't even know if I need to roll that. 15. 15. And I'm doing insight, okay? And I rolled a 10. No, 16. It's a 16. 16 plus anything? Plus five! Plus five, that's 21.

21. It's kind of hard to tell. They all seem pretty earnest. You, one, you watch as they walk. Another one of them stumbles a moment and catches themself, and for a brief moment, the youth and beauty on their face seems to shimmer away, and there's something sinister that lies beneath the face of one of the other, the sister, the third figure that approaches. She goes, My mother and sister appear to be safe, but the bad men are in the cave. Come, we must stop them. We've got to stop the bad men. I don't think so. No, they're telling the truth.

You just take an insight? I did. I failed it. I'm really questioning the truth here. Come, please. You've agreed to help me, haven't you, handsome man? She's so beautiful. I think we should go. Wait, hold on. I always follow my bandmates. Thank you. Did you notice the face starting to change? I did not. I was looking at Rand to copy some of his moves. He does this thing with his

shoulders. It's really cool. She clearly knows what she's talking about. Look how cool. Oh, I thought you were pointing at me? Yeah, well, you keep moving, it's really hard to point at you. But if you saw something, then... I saw two faces change. By the way, she said one sister. Did you notice four or five of the same being came out? We're dealing with severe mental illness.

I didn't see. She said mother. She did say it, she said mom. She did say mom, and then she said sister. But also, can we also say that she said, I'm trying to find my sister way back. Now she's like, there's my sister. Like, there was no reunion, there was no excitement. Yeah, but the bad men are in the cave.

We should just go in the cave. Oh, great, plus I want to get those. But she was looking for her sister. Maybe we can draw them out somehow. The ghost seems to pour out from the mists behind you, and you feel a cold touch on your shoulder as the voice says, Every horror movie ever created was a movie.

Avenge me, son. Okay, I got an idea. I'm going to stay outside with the apple. Alone? I think so. There's a ghost behind you right now. The sister that's arrived has fanned around to one side and has stepped into the water,

and you can see her steps get more confident amongst the waves. The mother from behind also steps in, and you watch as they all look towards you with these sad, wide eyes. Oh, they're so sad! They're so sad. I don't like that one,

but the mom and the sister seem cool. They do seem cool. I don't know what I need to do. I don't either. To convince you guys. I'm convinced, but the mom and the sister seem cool. They do seem cool. I don't know what I need to do. I don't either. To convince you guys. I'm convinced, but what are we, running? Are we drawing them out? Can someone be bait?

Bad guys are in the cave! I'm flipping through my guidebook of interesting animals. Sister, they're talking so much, we don't have time. Wait, I have a question. The girl who brought you here, Ligeia, looks a bit frustrated at the rest of your troop. It's all right, they're quite capable, and I think, and you watch her drop her shoulders.

Ligeia. Curse this! We likely only need the blood of one of them. I need not suffer any further fools than required. You! You watch as all of them, their image shifts slightly, and you watch as this dark and twisted, elongated merfolk-like appearance emerges from the illusion. The mother one in the back goes,

And is going to... I need the three closest to you. I'm going to roll a C. I've been catfished. All right, so it's going to be Bobby and Ran. I need you both to make wisdom saving throws. Okay. Fight it, Ran! And it's a d20, yep. Yep, d20 and add your wisdom saving throw. Ran, I got to say, you have terrible taste in women.

Hey! Who will be the first to munch on that? Scamlan! Ooh, nice! I'm hot! I will say, you have terrible taste in women. Hey! Who will be the first to munch on that? 19. Scamlin'! Ooh, nice! I'm hot! You're wearing a dead rat as a smock. 11.

11. I know, it sounded like I had more to say, but it's right now. All right. As this incantation leaves the lips, and Myjia growling in your direction, you feel this magical influence begin to try and curl its way past your mind. Your eyes instinctually begin to blink and tense, but you shrug it off, your willpower too strong, as all three of them begin to run into the cavern, along with Bobby, who just goes into a sprint after them.

Uh-oh. Oh no. You are dominated and charmed. I am dominated and charmed? His dad's going to kill me. They always want virgins. Let's go. He's definitely a virgin. Bobby, wait! I have a group in and I'm on!

I don't think he does. I don't think he does. He watches Bobby vanish into the mist-filled cavern, alongside with the three strange, siren-like women. Remind me never to have kids. Let's go. I have grown quite fond of him, and we probably should go after him. Yeah, we should. All right. We're just going to charge in? Ooh. Wow.

His critical roll stepped it up. Can I use one of these guys? Yeah, if you want to. So I have Pass Without Trace. Ooh! Okay. So I would like to Pass Without Trace. All right. So you spend your action to cast the spell. Describe how you darken the shadows around you.

How do you magically make the area easier for you all to pass unseen? Okay. On here? Well, just tell me. Describe how your magic works. How my magic works. Okay. Oh, that's right. It's magic I have. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's with my drums. And there's a certain beat that I do that involves the use of a pen and a hand. You don't use drumsticks for anything?

How dare you? So it's a three, two, three beat. And so I'll go. God, I feel so stealthy now. And that's how the shadows begin to do their magic. It's wild. The rhythm, as it impacts, it reverberates around you, and it's almost like the very crevices where the light doesn't quite meet the interior of this cavern extend and surround you, and the drumming sound muffles outside of ten feet from where it's coming from to the point where it's now absolutely silent to anybody beyond where the group of you are walking.

That's awesome. But as you all carefully and quietly begin to move through, the rhythmic drumming keeping you safe from being noticed likely, I need all of you to make stealth checks for me. Stealth check. Stealth check. So this rolls you 20. You're going to roll, you're going to add stealth, and then you're going to add 10 more. Oh, nice! Because of your spell.

Oh, okay, so I get 11. Ooh, 14. And so nine, two. So that's 11, and then because of that spell that you cast, everyone gets to add plus 10 to it. So that's 21 for you, awesome. What do you got, Bobby? Am I getting this?

I thought I was dominating. No, that's right, you got it. You're in the one, sorry. I'm at this? I thought I was dominating. No, you're in the one. I'm at 17. 17, all righty. Ooh, that was a bad roll. This number plus 10. That number plus 10 plus your stealth. So I have 24 plus three, so 27.

Ooh, 27, all righty. 30. Ooh! Dang! Oh, snap! All righty. So here, under cover of drumbeat, you slowly push into the seaside cavern. Now, the waters of the ocean are pushing in and out of here, and it is about knee high or so. So the

smaller folk, it's about waist and chest high as you wade through the drumbeat, keeping you quiet as you push. The cavern continues to shift around and loop into a darker region where you have no light source. Does anybody have a means of crafting light to see where you're going? I do have a torch, actually. You have a torch? Uh-huh. Okay. I've got three torches, actually.

Hell yeah. So you go ahead and light a torch. Light it up. Psst. I'll deflect it. All right. Leading the slow crawl charge as you go through the winding cavern, eventually you can hear the distant echoes of scratchy female voices chanting together. Following through, the darkness begins to give off its own soft light. You curl into what looks to be the exit of this maze-like area. As you're moving, you hear this cracking sound that echoes, but is muffled off-site. You move into this massive chamber that itself is dark, except for the water as you shift through. The plankton within seems to glow with

each bit of movement and gives off this very soft ambient glow as soon as you trek through it. Within the chamber, you can see where a small landmass emerges from the middle of it, and then a much larger landmass fills the back end of the cavern. The smaller one, you can see the three women, who are now in their true form, have fishtails and are wading through the water with spines coming out of their skin, their mouths widely pulled back with sharpened teeth, scraggly hair. As they chant and shift through the waters here, you can see there are these three altars that are built out of collected and piled stone that emerge from the water itself, one sitting on this small little bit

of land that's pushing above the waterline. On that altar, you see, standing there, eyes wide open, is Bobby in his teenage glory, the pack that he had on his shoulder left on the ground. You hear that muffled cracking noise emanating from it. You also see as they're chanting, the top of the altars are starting to glow, like glyphs of magical power are starting to thrum in movement with their chanting. As the plankton begin to give off more light as they swirl around and seem to be dancing as part of this incantation within the chamber, the light gives off the larger structure you see. There is a gargantuan, it looks like a nightmarish crab entity that is currently parked on the back end of the cave. Ooh, it's a witcher.

These massive claws that are tucked underneath. You can see its massive shell itself. It's a tangle of flotsam of sunken ships and spines that have grown out of it over time. There's barnacles that cover it entirely. You see where the eyes would be, they're currently sucked and pulled in. It doesn't appear to be present or conscious at the moment. But as they all begin to chant louder and louder, with Bobby at the front, you can see Bobby is now standing there and filling a chalice that is on there with a cut from his hand. Oh, poor Bobby! You can see there's two other chalices

sitting atop these other altars. What do you do? Uh. We gotta get in there. How high are the ceilings? The ceiling is about 35 or so feet up, 40 feet up, and the shell of this creature, when it's sitting, is about 20 feet tall and it's 50 feet from end to end.

It is massive. Oh my gosh. So we got a giant crab. That isn't awake yet. Three of these hags. Mermaid witch hag things. Siren creatures. Bobby spilling his blood. And we're all in a little bit of water. But we can go up onto land.

If you want to get to that. But that's where Bobby is. That's where Bobby is. So we'd have to get past the hags to get to him. But they haven't noticed your approach yet, because you came in stealthily. Okay, I'm just going to say, I don't think we're going to beat past the hags to get to Bobby. But they haven't noticed your approach yet because you came in stealthy. I'm just going to say,

I don't think we're going to beat this crab thing, so maybe it's smash and grab? Do we just get Bobby and get Abby? Get Bobby and run. How long does this last, the spell that we're under? 10 minutes, I believe. 10 minutes. What if I fly up in there

and launch a surprise attack on him and then we charge? We can all cast myself invisible and get behind them. Oh, you can go invisible? I can make you and me invisible also. Great. Or you or whoever needs it. Are we already invisible? No, we're just very hidden in shadows,

but we're not totally. Oh, I can make two people invisible. Oh, well then we can all four of us be invisible. Make ourselves invisible. And then we all strike at once. Great. All right. Oh, I guess only one person needs to strike. Do you want me to lead the surprise?

But wait, who are we surprise attacking? The hag? The murr? Not the crab guy. We should try to stop it before the crab guy gets it. I think if anybody gets the crab, you can get the crab. Yeah. Well, he kind of already has it. I'm a man of the night sheets. Honestly, I've got a little bit of the crap to begin with.

Probably are, yeah. Why are you itching? Because I slept with him. You watch as the chalice, as you're conversing, the chalice fills. As it does, the third altar begins to alight, and you hear one of them say, It took too long. May the dreamer awaken in our binds. Rend the land above and punish those who do not deserve your protection.

As they all begin to glow, you can see these rune carvings on the shell begin to alight in a similar reddish color of the red runes that are now bright on the altars. The shell of this creature begins to shift faintly. It's beginning to stir from a slumber. What do you do? Can I cast Counterspell to end these pauses?

I don't think. It's a ritual. You could attempt to counter part of the ritual, if you'd like. It's also the same color as this, I'm noticing. It is a coloration of it. The same glowing that's happening there seems to be happening. It seems to be, yeah. Although that one is a warmer, healthier red. This is a darker, seedier red. Oh, okay. You do what you do. You do what you want to do. I'm going to try and cast a Counterspell to at least slow down whatever part of the ritual.

Okay. The one that's next to Bobby, you can see as it's currently standing there and finishing the chanting, as the red glow's going, describe how you Coun counterspell. What sort of physicality do you give to it? I roll my hands. My hands glow a blue. I clap them together and pull them apart. Nice. This blue light emanates between, and I push it forth like this. As you flick the energy outward, the energy push it forth like this. As you flick the energy outward, the energy wave cascades out.

And as it pulls outward, I'll say, go ahead and roll a d20, and then add your charisma modifier to it. This will see if it's strong enough to break the ritual. And can I add this thing, too? It is an ability check, so you can, yeah. If you need it, if you need it. If I need it, yeah.

So 10 plus six charisma, so 16, and then what else am I adding to that? Unless you want to do that. And add your dice if you want to. If you want. I'll save it, actually. I can always give you more. Oh, well, let's do it then. Which is three.

Okay. So 19. So 19. As the energy waves off, you watch as the chalice that had just been filled, the red glow of it suddenly sparks and goes dark. And you watch as the one siren goes, What? What? And as the runes begin to fade, the massive crab creature falls back into a slumber,

and they all go, What? What's happening? Fairy fire! Fairy fire? Yeah. Okay. You put your hand out, and currently, the shadows that kept you hidden between the flick of your Counterspell light and the release of this energy,

you watch as this bright energy begins to fill the space around you. What color does your fairy fire take? It's a reddish-orange color. So this bright, soft, faint rain of little glowing wisps of red and orange fall in the area, which means that it sticks to the skin of all the creatures, which makes them glowing beacons. So as they look at themselves and glance over in the direction, they are now aware of your presence and

extremely pissed off. All of your attacks have advantage against them now. Let's roll initiative for this encounter. Roll initiative. All right. I'll roll initiative for this encounter. Roll initiative! All right. Am I? I'll roll initiative for saves. Hey!

Six plus nine, so nine again. Nine again, okay. So 20 to 15, anybody? 20! Oh wait, what was that? 15. Your initiative is right here. Okay, I got 20.

Oh. Oh. Great, all right. And you probably have higher dex. You got 20. Oh, great. All right. You got 20 also? Yeah. Rollies! Let's roll off. So both of you roll a d20 and see who gets hired. Find another d20, we're doing rollies. Ready?

10. 11. Yeah! So Bobby goes first. Yeah. And then that'll bring us to Sarge. Then who got 15 to 10? 15.

All right, Scanlan. 10. All righty, and that brings us to Bramble. All right, and then Ran. Nine. No worries. Okay. He's drunk. We still have a little bit too much. So you guys are still invisible, but we are not invisible.

Did we ever cast our invisibility? You cast your invisibility, but... I mean, sure. All this stuff happened in the middle. We were talking about it and all this stuff happened. We started talking about it, but never did it. Oh, really? Okay. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

It did, but you still have a spell slot. So it wasn't spent. So the top of the round, Bobby, you feel the domination just drop from you as the rune in the center shatters and all of them look about confused, the concentration dropping, and you suddenly have control of yourself once again.

Oh, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. And you've made me angry! I am going to cast Wild Shape. Ooh! Okay, which you need to do. I pull out my deck of cards, my little cards. I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah. There we go. I'm going to pull an alpaca's use spitting to defend themselves. They are gentle animals, but not today. I'm going to transform into an alpaca.

Okay. You watch as little teenage Bobby, his body just morphs and shifts into a battle alpaca. Nice! Yeah! And I'm going to fucking charge whoever, whatever. Are you Circle of the Moon? I believe I am, wait, I should be Circle of the Moon. Where's my? So you are, then it is a bonus action to transform,

you can still take an action. No, I'm not, I'm circle the shepherd. Okay, so it's an action to shape shift, but you still have a bonus action if you want to, and can move. And I was going to say, can I, if I get running speed enough, can I, is there ramming possible or not?

Not with an action available. Okay, that's fair. But you can transform now, if you'd like to. You're setting up for next turn. Yes, I am, and I'm going to. God, you guys are so good. I'm going to run in and get in their face. Okay, so now Ap alpaca just gets in

and starts harrowing them. The child! Wet alpaca. Sarge, you're up now with Scanlan on deck. All right. Pull up my alpaca. No, it's... Up next, up next.

It's your turn now. Okay, so I'm going to do blowgun again. Okay. And I'm going to direct my dart right in between the crab's temple. Okay, so you're firing at the massive crab? Yeah, but a spot that's a pretty good aim, hopefully, and it gets right there, full goliath technique, knock it out. Okay, okay. So go ahead and roll both of your blowgun attacks, if you'd like to. Both of my blowgun attacks. This is the first, and it's a 13.

Plus? Plus six. 19 misses. Oh no! 19 misses? Well, it hits, but the shell of its body is extremely tough and armored. You watch as it just

We don't want to fight the crab. Flicks off of it. We don't want to fight the crab. We don't want to fight the crab. Did we already decide that? Well, now we know. So, okay, well then, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna, I have another one, right?

You have another? It'd be blowgun, or it could be with any other weapon? I'm going to shortsword it. Okay, so you're going to pull out your shortsword. I'm going to shortsword up there. To the crab or to the hat? To the crab. And I'm going to acrobat my way, and since the dart didn't get it, I'm going to dag the dagger right into that spot of the crab. Okay, okay. So make an acrobatics check for me as you leap up off of one of the ritual cairns that are

pushing out and attempt to spin in the air to plunge it down. Make an acrobatics check. So go ahead and roll a d20 and add your acrobatics skill. Right in the acrobatics, right there, yeah. Okay. Come on, money. 10. 16. 16's not bad. You manage to succeed, but barely. As you leap off the cairn, it's a little slippery, and you catch yourself, and you splash into the water, but you tumble through and then pick back up,

using that momentum to strike downward. I hold up a sign that says eight. Go ahead and make an attack roll with your short sword. With my short sword. Indeed, so go ahead and roll a d20 and add your plus six. 14. Plus six is 20. 20 is exactly what you need to hit. So go ahead and roll damage with your short sword. That's 1d6 plus three, I think? That's the regular dice.

It's the regular dice. Yeah, the square one. And then I just roll this and add that to five? Add three. To three. So eight. Eight damage, all right. So eight slashing damage. You plunge it down. It carves down through the hard exterior, and as it plunges inward, you feel this bassy that growls from within. And you watch as the two hollow holes in the shell, two of these large eye stalks. I think you've woken him up.

I think you've woken him up, Sarge. I thought he was already awake. I guess Karas' got to stop today. Maybe I should get him. That's all good. We've got to find the ground! Now, as you strike and it begins to wake up, you watch as the three sirens turn and go, Nartet! The rituals are complete! We can't control it!

Oh no. You're welcome. Scanlan, it's your turn. I don't know what we should do for the crab now. Oh no! Okay. I will look dead in the eye of Lygia and cast Vicious Mockery. I will say, you know why my friend Ran here

didn't want to get with you, right? He's asking. Because you're shellfish. Woo! That's a wisdom saving throw? Yeah. Central five. Oh, lost its, no wisdom, you're right. Yes, she fails. She fails.

So you cut deep into her spirit. That looks like her. That sure does. Pun hurts! Yes, she takes six points of damage. Six points of damage. That pun hurts all of us. And then I will turn to my good pal Sarge.

Thank you. Whose name has always been Sarge. It used to be Fred. And I will inspire him. I will inspire him with a song. My rousing voice will inspire you in battle. I will sing. Hailing takes me away

to where I like to be. Just Tony Hale and the dice to carry me. Sorry, sir, I will be . Then I immediately get an extra d8. Then I get an extra d8. On the next roll of your choice. You spend it to add it to whatever roll you'd make. Yes. Here, I'll give you a point. Not now, but when you can later.

Just keep this one and use that for something special later. Well, that was very kind of you. Does that finish your turn, Scanlan? Yes, I'm still going to stay away from these things. All righty, so you stay back towards the front of the cave where you first entered. Yes. Oh god.

All right, it's now the crab's go. There's a ghost! There is a ghost back there. As you pull the blade free and you watch the ice ox emerge and it begins to shift and move, you watch the water flow off of its massive claws that begin to pull up from underneath.

The whole cave begins to quake as it slams into one side and slams into the other. And these massive claws, it just starts swinging at whatever's closest to it, which right now is you. Yeah. Sarge. That's going to be 20 to hit.

Sarge. 20 to hit. That hits. Okay. Your armor class is 17, I believe. Great, yeah. That definitely hits you, and the second strike. What hits me?

His attack. I'm going to Cutting Words the second attack. Okay, the second attack. His attack. I'm going to Cutting Words the second attack. Okay, the second attack was an 18. Okay, I'm going to Cutting, yes, as I see it attacking, I pull out my loop, but I don't play it, I do a drum fill that I had seen this one do.

Yeah. I just start. Like this, right? Yeah. One of the ice ox loops over. To distract it. So roll to see if you can reduce it. Yeah, what do I roll? Man, I haven't done this in so long. Cutting Words, I roll a...

It's a d8 still. Okay, great. So you have a 17 AC and rolled an 18 to hit, so you need to get a three or higher. I got a four. You got a four! Okay. So the first claw does hit you, and it snaps into you and crushes your body and pushes you underwater for a minute. The pain rocks through you.

This is like The Witcher. Have you ever seen The Witcher? Four. I've seen this, it's better. Yeah, you're right. That is 23 points of damage. Oh no! Oh no!

Oh no! Sarge! So I'm only six left. You have six points left. You have six points left. I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, crap! It lifts you up, and as it's holding you in its grasp,

its other claw, which looks sharper, it's slightly smaller, but it has a sharper edge, pulls back to try and swing towards you into what you think in the moment is the last moments of your life before this drum fill comes through the darkness, and the eyes turn to the side, the claw just goes wide and it drops you into the water. You catch yourself.

Six points. For your next attack, what you can do during your move is have your... My primal companion. He can do things. He can do things. Ethel, yeah. No, okay, I don't have an attack. I have a few, but... Not yet. Don't come back to your turn. It is now the siren's turn.

Oh god, crab sirens. I forget about those turns. Just when we're in combat. Just when we're in combat, don't worry. So the first siren is angrily freaking out, is going to look over towards the crab in its attempt to calm it, using one of its own incantations.

The crab resists with a super high save, and the siren goes, Ah, curse it! We can't put it down! One of the other ones is going to look over towards the rest of you and, You dead fish! I'm just going to go ahead and pull back. The back of the chamber, those who haven't moved forward are you three currently. You're very fired, but you didn't move forward.

So the three of you watch as this bead of light shoots in your direction and it vanishes for a moment before a blast of flame surrounds you. A fireball explodes in your vicinity. So I need the three of you to make dexterity saving throws for me, please. Just the three of them? Just the three of them. make dexterity saving throws for me, please. Just the three of them? Just the three of them.

Okay. Not the alpaca. 10. That's two. Yeah, you got that. 16. 16. 11. 12.

12, ugh. Both of you take 24 points of fire damage. This is brutal. You take 12 points of fire damage. Oh gosh, okay. You okay, pal? Five. My cloak is burning.

And the last one is going to go ahead and attempt to grab you to try and force your hand back onto the altar to try and re-complete the ritual it had finished earlier. So it's going to be contested athletics rolls. So as an alpaca, I need you to roll with the alpaca strength. Oh, sorry. Does armor class mean anything for that?

For that, unfortunately, no. Yeah, spells and- Oh, spell save, does that mean? Oh, that's the power of your spell. Oh, I see, gotcha. No worries. I just want to be better. I know, good looking up. So it's a strength roll? spell. Oh, I see. Gotcha. No worries. I want to be better. I know, good looking up.

So it's a strength roll? Contest your strength? Yeah. Four. Four? Oh boy. You rush into this alpaca and it just grabs you and slams your head into the altar. You're like, and it's trying to push you towards this ritual

where the blood had spilt, and you can see the runes are starting to glow in the proximity of where you are, almost like the blood that was already put in the chalice and spilled is still connected to you. It's starting to alight the ritual slowly as it pushes you in. That's going to finish its go. Bramble, you're up with Ran on deck. I feel like we got to get Bobby and get out of here. I think so. This is danger zone. I haven't raged yet.

I mean, that's the thing that you do. Yeah, but if I rage, it drops Faerie Fire, but nobody's hit anything yet. Uh, yeah. What are you doing? I hit the crab. Yeah, but he wasn't Faerie Fired! Ah!

Oh, you got a Faerie Fire? What is that? That just means you've got advantage on attacks. Ah, got it. Against the sirens. Against the sirens. The sirens are easier to hit for now. Unless you rage. What fire? What is that? That just means you've got advantage on attacks. Oh, got it. Against the sirens. Against the sirens. The sirens are easier to hit for now. Unless you rage, what are you going to do? What are you going to do, Bramble? The U.

I'm going to rage! Yeah! The fairy fire fades away and the spell drops as you turn into the angriest fairy that's ever fairied. I'm going to fly forward! And attack Lycheea, because she's going to hit on my boyfriend! Go for it, go for it.

Did I turn you on at all? A little bit, I won't lie. All right, go for the attack rolls. Okay. Oh god, I haven't rolled. No one misses unless it's like a nine. Nope, that misses. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

I should have just not raged. Remember, you can also attack recklessly if you feel like it. I can? Advantage. As a Barbarian, you have an ability called Reckless Attacks, where you can roll twice and take the higher, you get advantage, but then attacks against you have advantage.

Oh, I should have done that. I'll allow you to take that second roll as your first attack if you want to. Okay, that one hits. You're not used to Bar have done that. I'll allow you to take that second roll as your first attack if you want to. Okay, that one hits. You're not used to barbarians, so I'll allow it. Okay, and now I roll again with a reckless attack? Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, double the, yeah. It just means that all attacks against you have advantage. Okay, whatever. Okay, the next one is 17 to hit. 17 hits as well, both hit. Nice. Okay, so I'm going to fly down and I'm gonna land on her back and I'm gonna try to slash her neck with my ax.

To the first one. And then after I've slashed it, I'm gonna stab the sword into her. Big old elongated gnashing teeth as she begins growling and thrashing about angrily with you clutching onto her back. Okay, seven points of damage on the first one. She was in sight. She wasn't dead.

Nine points of damage on the second one. Nine points of damage, all righty. And then for my, oh wait, bonus action. I'm going to try to fly away with the rest of my movement. How far away can I get? You can get as far back as you, you flew in 20 feet, I'd say, to get to them. So I've got 30 feet left. Correct. So I'm going to fly up and back, so I'm away from everybody else and up in the ceiling of the

cage. Okay. She's going to make an attack of opportunity against you as you try to fly out of her combat range. Flashes out with these clawed fingers. She gets disadvantage on that. She has advantage because you did your... Okay, so it's a straight roll. Yeah. Using her st Stupefying Touch. Sorry.

You'll watch this and repeat. This is going to be a 14. Is a 14 hit you? No, it doesn't! No, it does not. What's your AC? 16. 16, okay, yeah. So the attack goes wide as you carve up into the air,

blades drawn at the roof of the cavern, looking down. Flip it around as I fly backwards. Perfect. Am I allowed to flip people off in this game? Well, we've done it, so we're good. Oh, yeah, sorry. All right, Rand, it's your turn. It's for the children.

With Bobby on deck. I'm so weak now. I've got to get Bobby out of there. Help me. So who's, who's, who's, so? So if you're looking in the chamber from the far back, you see there's the central ritual platform and then two others in the water. The center one is where Bobby is, and that's where

Lygia is. The two other sisters are by the two other ritual chambers. You can see that Sarge has moved all the way to the back, which is right in front of the massive crab that just grabbed him and threw him into the ground, and you were all towards the front of the cave. And the fire on the wall, is that an issue anymore? No, that dissipated. It was just a singular explosion, and then it vanished. Okay. I'm going to attack one of the witchies. The Siren Girls? There's two that haven't been hurt on the sides, and then there's Lygia, which she just

attacked that looks pretty hurt. The siren girl? The witch and the siren girl. There's two that haven't been hurt on the sides, and then there's Lygia, which she just attacked. That looks pretty hurt. She looks pretty hurt. I am going to attack Lygia. Okay. I am going to put my Hexblade Curse on her. Okay! How do you curse her with your blade?

So first I call my Hexblade from the sky. And I say, Darling, here comes your just desserts. Perfect. As the blade appears and the words leave your mouth, they echo, desserts, desserts, desserts. You watch as these blackened tendrils seem to curl up from the water beneath

and begin to wiggle around her, this black shadow energy that's now grasping and slithering around her torso as you begin to close the distance. Are you going with your blade? I'm going with my blade. All righty. So you rush in through the water, splashing behind you, and you can go ahead and make your two strikes. All right. Do I do it individually or at the same time? Same. Up to you.

All right. It's a six and a nine. You have to roll to hit first. Oh, oh! Nice. That's all good. You can keep those if you'd like, though. I think I will. One. Oh, so the first attack goes wide.

Woof, she, for a brief moment, as you're rushing towards her, her image flitters back to that beautiful face and looks so sad, and it just shakes you enough to the point where you swing, and she just dodges out of the way. But you have two strikes. You swing with the second one, go ahead and roll for the second attack. Nine, so nine plus six, so 15. 15 hits. So what's the damage value on that one?

And so the damage value, sorry, on these? Yes. Okay, so it's two, the value, sorry, on these? Yes. Okay, so it's two, I add these both together, right? Correct. So 15 plus three, 18, plus six. Sorry, right? It's the plus three on the damage. Plus three on the damage.

But then you also add plus three because of your Hexblade's curse. And plus three because of, okay. So that's great, so it's 11 plus six, 17 points of damage. How do you want to do this? So describe your blow, your final strike on her. So I miss that first strike,

and I look her in the face and see it. And I say, I've said it once, I'll say it again. No one laughs at me. And I pull the blade up, and I cleaver in half from the bottom up. The water itself splashes upward like it's its own extension of the blade, and it meets with the shadow as the arc of the sword glistens in the glowing light, the glowing blue plankton in the water matching the blue color of your magic. As the strike cuts through, her laughter cuts short.

The top half slides off anime style before splashing into the water. As the strike cuts through, her laughter cuts short. The top half slides off anime style before splashing into the water. I've got a girlfriend. Even through my rage, I'm not. Perfect. All righty, that's going to finish your turn, Rand. That brings us to Bobby with Sarge on deck. I'm going to, in a panic, drop my form.

And then I'm just going to, oh, it's time that you met my friends, and I'm going to conjure animals. Okay. What are you conjuring? I am conjuring out of the water just jumps a walrus. And it makes its way over and it's fucking ready for this shit.

All right, so one of the two sirens? The one that was right on top of the thing. Got you. Okay, cool. The one who's trying to bleep me out. He's going to use his tusks, not just for defense, and not just to help him get out of the water, which he can do, but he's going to attack with his tusks,

which is a melee weapon, so it's plus four to hit. Go for it. That's 11. 11's going to miss, unfortunately. All Rascougou could do. So yeah, attacks. He goes and the siren just pushes him out of the way. There's more where that came from! See, back in the water, Ethel's still prowling, waiting for the signal to get in there.

Which, on your turn, you can, as a bonus action, send Ethel in this strike, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is, it is your turn. What do you want to do? There's now the massive crab that's awakened, and you see it's thrashing about, or whatever's in the vicinity. You're right in front of it. Yep. What do you want to do? All right, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to use my short sword again. Okay.

And the goal is to cut both eyes off. Of the crab? Of the crab. Okay. Cut the eyes off. When that happens, Ethel is going to jump in and just maul the crab. You got it. Okay. So as the crab is getting up, one of the eyestalks is right there as it's moving. It's gonna be harder to hit, but the hit will have a more significant impact.

So go ahead and roll with your first hit to see if you can strike it. Okay. Come on, come on. Frick, two. Two, oh! You're gonna swing for the eyestalk just as the crab lifts up.

You see its legs now starting to pick up its weight. It's going a little more awake, andalk just as the crab lifts up. You see its legs now starting to pick up its weight as it's going a little more awake, and it gets right out of your reach. It settles its body weight onto its large crab legs. They're now outside of the water as it descends under the shifting of its weight. The eyestalk's coming to perspective again. You can take a second strike with your short sword if you'd like to. Okay. I can take a second strike. You can take two strikes, yeah. Come on. Come on, mama.

Come on. 19. 19 plus six? 19 plus six. 25, that'll definitely hit. Go ahead and roll damage. Roll a d6 plus three. A d6 plus three.

And I'll say because of- That's a square dice. It's like I'm looking at my father. You have a d6 plus six, honey. I'm ready. Oh,. You're like, yes, honey. I'm here. The frick? It's a one. I wanted to say another F word. With the children.

There it is, that's the one. Fibula also is accepted. That's not good. No, so one plus three is still four points of damage. Okay, four points of damage. So that's four points of damage to it, but it is temporarily blinded in that eye. So it doesn't do a lot of damage,

but the eyestalk descends back in and you hear this. On the inside, it starts shifting into space, slamming into the sides, causing rocks and things to fall from the ceiling into the water. Ethel companion can go at it, right? Indeed. And because it's blinded currently, Ethel has advantage on the attack roll. So go ahead and roll twice and take the higher number for Ethel. All right, Ethel. I'm going to roll twice.

That's a one. Okay. You got advantage. You got advantage. That's not good. That's a five. Oh. I feel you.

Ethel's pissed. Ethel's very angry. Ethel leaps onto the front of it, claws out and is just holding on., tries to strike, but it's scraping on its back. As Ethel looks back on you, you're like, what do I do? Are you going to stay up close with it, or do you try and move somewhere? Am I going to stay up close with it and try to move? Well, I'm going to tell Ethel to get down. Okay.

Into the water next to you. And then I think I'm going to use one of my things. You've used your action to attack, so you have to move to the next round. Got it. But you can. You can prepare it. But you can run away, because if he hits you again, you're blinded. I'm going to run away. Okay. So you move behind. It does get one attack on you as you move out of the range, but it has

disadvantage on the attack because it's blinded this round. It's got a disadvantage because it's blinded. Yeah. So that's going to be a 14 and a natural three, which brings it to a 13. Oh, wow. So I only have six points. No, that's fine. Your AC is 17, so it doesn't hit you. So it misses you. Thankfully, because you blinded it, its secondary sharpened claw swings wide towards you as you dart back out of the way. Your smaller halfling form,

already far and away from where it snaps. It catches nothing in the air. And you manage to pull away back up to where some of your friends are at the other side of the case. Sarge, we can't lose you! We don't have another drummer! While I'm running away, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Yes, go for it, go for it.

All right, Scanlan, you're up. Oh shoot, there's two more merhags? There are, yes, and the other ritual Karens themselves are still glowing, but the third one has not been able to. Those ritual Karens. They are Karens. Karens, Karens. Well, I'm a tomato. C-A-R-N. Nope.

This is the Cairn trio. I can't very, I can't put on these silence. They like to speak to the manager of this cave. This is the scariest part of this whole episode. I will try to cast Hold Person on both of the Cairns. On both of them, okay. At level three, I believe I can do that.

At higher levels, when you have anything, you can target one additional humanoid, yes. I, roll an arcana check for me real fast. Oh, they're not humanoids, are they? Ah. 19. 19, you're about to prepare the spell, and based on their nature, you get the sense

that they may not be considered humanoid, and the spell may not have an effect. They seem to be more fey in nature. Ah, oopy doopies. But you can make a different choice. Gosh darn it, I feel bad doing my... Yeah, you blew it. I blew, I blew.

It was peace signs. I blew it with peace signs. Okay, wait, before I make my move, are we running? What's happening here? We should get out of here. I don't know. Okay, then. If that's an I don't know?

We already got one of them. However, the grab is really strong. I know. I think we need to... We can do this! We've got a walrus! If I run up to where they are, are my friends around them? Are we in proximity?

They're within 20 feet of you, but most of them have moved back towards the entrance of the cave. Okay. Except for you, where you're flying up at the top. I'm going to run up between the two sirens. Yeah. I'm going to run up between the two sirens. Yeah. I'm going to run up between them,

and I'm going to say, ladies, do you like my accent? Focus right here, and then thunder wave them both. Yay! Oh, yay! Okay. Mate, you're charming as hell, ain't you? Did you give him your apple? No. Oh, what does that thing do? Oh yeah? Use the apple, maybe it blows up the room.

All right, so you're going to Thunder Wave towards two of them. Yes. Constitution 16. Yeah, you can just catch the two of them in that one area. One of them is going to be a 13. Fail. The other is going to be a 14. Both fail. Fail. Give me a d8 over here. Seven. And another nine. That's 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage to each of them. The impact, as it blasts out, the massive concussive explosion of sound and thunderous energy, that like a small localized detonation of a lightning bolt scattering. Sends both of them flying about 10, 15 feet back from where they are, hitting the edges of the rock

and catching themselves. You can see the stone cairns where the ritual were there also get blasted apart. The stacked stones go scattering against the wall, and all of their energy light vanishes. When that happens, they both go, it's unleashed, it's unleashed. Oh boy. Both of them are looking hurt. And as a bonus action, I'll inspire Ran by singing, Oh, nice.

Ran. Can you do the ran, ran? Can you do the ran, ran? Rararararara. Oh. Early Scanlan days were rough. Perfect. And then you do the. Early Scanlan days were rough. Perfect. Awesome, that finishes your go. It is now the crabs' go.

Now, because you've moved away from its... He's up. He's awake. Yeah. He's awake. Because you moved away, you're not the closest thing to it anymore. Is Ethel the closest thing to it, or has Ethel moved back with you? Ethel is with me. Okay, so Ethel retracted with you. You're up in the ceiling.

I didn't see something. Indeed. You, Scanlan, since you moved forward, you're... Yeah, bring it. Roll a d6 for me. Me? Yes. On a five or six, it doesn't go after you. It's a three. All right. The crab's going to come forward, both claws drawn,

and move into the center. After you blow both of them back, you look up just as it is going to arc towards you for a... I will cutting words this. Okay, it's a 23. Oh boy. I don't think that's going to make much difference then.

All right, so you're going to hold off on that one then? Yeah. Okay, so first the big claw hits, and then the bladed one. Hit who, who, who, hit who? That's going to make much difference then. So you're going to hold off on that one, then? Yeah. Okay, so first the big claw hits, and then the bladed one. Hit who, who, who, hit who? That's going to be a 13 to hit. Hit you? That doesn't hit. Okay, so the first one comes down towards you.

The second one goes wide, but for that one, you take... That's going to be 27 points of damage. I'm knocked unconscious. Scanlan! Scanlan! It was nice knowing you. You watch as the hook of its massive claw catches Scanlan and then flexes,

and you watch him tense and then go limp in the claw. Tell my story! I will. Do it with accent. Your story. Limp in its grasp, the two of the Sirens are going to flee. They both are going to run towards the entryway and try and push past you, swimming through the water. As part of that, you get an attack of opportunity on one of them, if you'd like, as do you. So both of you get a free attack on each of them as they swim past.

I'll take it. So go ahead and roll a d20 on each of them as they swim past. I'll take it. So go ahead and roll a d20 and add your six to it. Come on. Come on. Add my six. Nine. 15? Roll the 20. That hits. Go ahead and roll your damage for your greatsword.

I've been doing this for hours. You got a 19. He's fine. Oh yeah. So roll your 1d6 plus three. Seven plus, mark me. I'm so sorry. So I do these6 plus three. Seven plus, mock me. I'm so sorry. So I do these combined plus three for damage, right? Correct, yes, that's ten. So ten.

Ten points of damage, got it, okay. So you hack one and it takes the hit. It's barely holding on, but it's still alive and trying to swim out and flee from this scenario. You rolled how much damage? I rolled a three. A three? No, A three? Plus three? No, six.

Six damage. Same thing. They're looking pretty hurt, but they're most swinging past, attempting to escape from this scenario that's turned entirely against their intent. That's going to finish their go. Bramble, you're up with Rand on deck. I'm going to fly down and attack one. All right. Skybombing from above the cavern. Go ahead and roll your attacks. Reckless? Reckless. Go for it.

Great, thank you. Reckless, 20. 20, that hits. Oh god! Speaking of reckless. Ooh, 10 plus four! 10 plus four. 14 points of damage! How do you want to do this?

Okay, that first one, I'm going to fly down and I'm going to fly down and grab ahold of her hair. And yeah, I'm just going to battleaxe around her neck and slam it into the front. Oh god! It barely finds any sort of resistance as it just carves through and the head comes free. As you hold it up, you see its eyes going like.

It's still aware of its surroundings for the moments before it eventually passes entirely. And then there's one left. Yeah. So I'm going to stick the head onto my longsword, and I'm going to slam it into the other one. You're going to bludgeon one with the head of the other? Hell yeah, go ahead and roll for your attack on the other one. Look at that grossness.

Reckless! This is great. 21. That hits, go ahead and roll damage. No, 23, even better. Even better. Go ahead and roll damage. Also, 14 points of damage! How do you want to do this? Yeah, I'm just going to slam it into her head with her other head, and then I'm just going to keep hitting her with the head!

Why does this turn me on so much? What's wrong with me? And with my bonus action, I'm going to dash over to Scanlan. Okay. You dash over to Scanlan, who is still in the claws of the massive crab creature. So you smoothe over and glance up towards it, and he's flailing in its grasp. Oh, he's in the claws, and I flew down to the claws. And urine is just pouring down. Cascade. Perfect, cascading, yeah. Keep it flowing.

All right, Ran, you're up. Okay, why is that? Me? No, me. Ran, you're up. I think we need to get out of here. We've been saying that. From a distance, I'm going to Eldritch Blast, trying to aim for this crab's eyes. Okay.

From a distance, to help us escape if we can. So I Eldritch Blast at the crab. So go ahead and roll towards the eyes. It has a higher armor class, so you have to roll a 23 or higher to hit the eye. Dang. You got this. You got this. You can do it. Oh, that's right. Okay. Come on. We're the glorious ones. Oh!

We're not glorious. That's a two. That's a two. It goes wide and hits part of the top of the cave and flashes. Oh, I should be smarter than this. Oh, I should have, like, anyway, okay, okay. Oh, I get two shots. You get two blasts, yeah. Can I do a perception check? Sure. What's the ceiling look like?

What's the? Make a perception check for me. Okay. Six plus... Perception's two. Plus two, so eight. Eight. It's hard to see in the low light up here, but it is a rock cavern, and as it's been

shifting and slamming into the sides, you've watched small boulders and things fall from above. That's all you know, though. I'm going to try and blast the roof, what do we call it, roof in a cave? Yeah, sure. Ceiling. Okay. I blast up above it. Okay, go ahead and roll an attack. Ceiling. Okay. So I blast up above it. Okay, go ahead and roll an attack.

Come on. Sorry, so rolling attack at this point. Just roll the dice again and see if you can aim for something that looks like it might be. Eight, and then I'm going to add this guy. Go for it. Three, so 11 plus six. 17.

17, so as you release upward, remembering where most of the smaller rocks had fallen earlier, as it's shifting forward into the center, you Hail Mary it upward and fire, and it blasts into the top. Go ahead and roll the damage for your Eldritch Blast for me. Okay. That is a d10 plus three. Two plus three, so five. Okay. It slams into it and bursts, and you watch a couple more bits of rock, larger chunks fall, hitting the top of it, and it seems to smash onto the back of its shell, and it gets pushed

down a little bit. Not enough to fully leave it in a bad place, but you do notice that the ceiling does give a bit from the impact. The ceiling's falling down? Yeah, just a little bit. A little bit. Yeah, got away a little bit. And then I can still move, right? You can still move.

So I'm going to back away towards the entrance of the cave. But in a brave way. You got it. But in a brave way. Totally. Perfect, all right. Finishing your go, Bobby, you're up with Sarge on deck. Is Scanlan still in its claw? I'm going to run up towards Scanlan, since I'm now clear, and I'm going to run up and jump and try

and tap Scanlan's foot, because I believe in Scanlan. Scanlan's been so nice to me, or at least hasn't yelled at me today. So I'm going to run, I'm going to tap Scanlan, and I'm just going to have one of those little band-aids in my hand. I'm going to get right on your ankle, and I'm going to run, I'm going to tap Scanlan, and I'm just going to have one of those little band-aids in my hand. I'm going to get right on your ankle, and I'm going to cure wounds at level two. Okay, so 2d8 plus your wisdom modifier. Plus my wisdom modifier. I have a button for that. There we are. That's not an eight. Where's my eight? I'll just roll it twice. That's six.

That's six, and wisdom modifier is three, so that's 15 points of healing. Amazing. And then I'm going to jump back, and I'm going to reach into this little thing on my belt. I'm going to pull off a bauble that has an image of a bear. I'm going to say, it's time for everyone to see my true power! I'm

going to throw it down and I'm going to cast, not cast, but I'm going to summon the totem of the bear. A big, glowing, translucent bear shows up and goes,. Everyone within 30 feet of this bear, and I'm going to position it appropriately, has ten temporary hit points now and advantage on strength checks and saves. While all this is happening, the walrus is going to come in and just try and bite you. Sure. So the temporary hit points is like a buffer shield on top, so you don't heal, but any damage you take next come off the ten points first. And I'm going to attack 11 to hit. The walrus slams into the crab. It does nothing. But Scalin, you come to consciousness while still

being held aloft by the claw of this massive crab. You did get ten temporary hit points on top of that. Wow! Oh, nice! Nice! Bobby Socks, that is the most useful bear I've ever seen in my entire life. He gets massive crab. Temporary hit points on top of that. Oh, nice! Nice! Bobby Socks, that is the most useful bear I've ever seen in my entire life. Thank you. Thank you, Bobby Socks.

His name is Bobble! Oh, I love Bobbles. His name is Bobble. I love Bobbles. How's it feel? All right, does that finish your turn, Bobby? Yeah, I'm out. All right, so you're still up against the crab as it's up there, but you finished putting this in?

Yeah, I've positioned it as best I can. Sarge, it's your turn. At the top of this turn, now the mists have rolled in here, that specter still sits behind you and says, Do not die. I need you to avenge me. While the glowing apple still sits around your neck saying, do not worry, the future will be yours. So a lot of voices just all vying for your attention. What are you doing? Okay.

Wow. So I'm noticing there is the shape of this in the wall. Is that what I'm saying? It may just be a hole. That's what I was asking! I didn't know if I could... What's happening? No, I was like, can I give a big... no. I love that you said, do you eat it as meat? I was like, can I give a big, no.

Nevermind. Okay. Do you need a drink? I like throw it. Okay, nevermind, scratch that. Okay, so I had an old idea, and I turned to her, and anyways, nevermind. Okay, so I'm hearing a voice. You got an angel and a devil.

I got an angel and a devil behind me. The angel's an apple and the devil's a ghost. Okay, so I'm hearing a voice. You've got an angel and a devil. I've got an angel and a devil behind me. The angel's an apple and the devil's a ghost. I'm hearing a spirit behind me, and this is talking to me. So, okay. I'm saying, you're okay. This is avenging me. I think this guy, hold on, let me think about this.

It's very mixed messages, and maybe it has nothing to do with anything. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's see. So we got the crab who's confused, right? The crab is angry, maybe a little confused. It's clutching one of your friends and has nearly knocked out a few of them. You're pushed to the back of the cave, and in a precarious scenario, you have a spectral ghost that's just shouting the back of the cave, and in a precarious scenario, you have a spectral ghost that's just shouting about vengeance in your ear, and a magical apple that's resting around your neck that sits there, thrumming with power.

Okay, I'm going to eat it. Eat it? Yeah. This is why I don't play. No, it's all good. So I'm going to take off the necklace. Okay. And I'm going to take a huge bite of the apple. The apple in your hand. The voice says,

Seize your destiny. Seize my destiny. I will guide you. I will be your strength. I will be your power. Exactly. And you take a huge bite of it. I take a huge bite of it. Just screams, What are you doing?! Oh, it hurts! Oh, god!

What are we doing?! It's your bite of the apple sauce! What that did is it distracted the crab. The crab's both eyes look around. The apple is screaming as you're chewing it in your mouth, but as you're chewing it, you feel its power surging through your body. With enough of this apple, you feel like indeed its power could transfer to you. As it's screaming, do you continue to eat? Yeah. Do I continue to eat? Yeah, I'm asking you.

Of course. You take another bite. I can feel the apple. Oh my god! It hurts! I can't get it. Saj! Are you sure you're not the murderer?

I'm not the murderer. Eventually, the screams of this apple begin to subside as it is devoured quickly. Nothing but the core is left, and you drop it in the water. That's right. It's excitement. You all see the chest of Sarge begin to glow with his heartbeat. As it does, you feel the strength surge into your body. You gain 50 temporary his heartbeat. As it does, you feel the strength surge into your body. You gain 50 temporary hit points. That's right, guys.

You feel like your hands have the strength of a champion. What do you want to do on your turn? You are enhanced, and you still have the ability to take a turn. What do you want to do? Okay. So I got massive strength. I got 60, no, sorry, hit points. You got hit points. So I'm going to rage. Yeah, I love it. Yes, you are.

You just scream. And I'm going to do a somersault. I'm going to do like a, towards the crowd'm going to do a rave somersault. Hell yeah, just full-on Sonic the Hedgehog leap spin in the air. As the drums are going, and I'm just going to smush the crab. You're going to smush the crab? No, I'm going to take my hands, because you said they were very strong. You fueled something.

I'm going to still do a goliath situation, but I got more power this time. I'm going to go right between the eyes. All righty. I need you to make an acrobatics check, but you have an advantage because of the power that's instilled within you from this apple. That's right. There still might be a hole for the apple. Okay. I got eight. One more time. One more time to give advantage. Okay. Three. Eight plus six. And one more time, because it's an advantage. One more time to give advantage.

Okay. Three. Okay, plus six. Plus six. Fourteen? Plus six. I got fourteen. Okay, fourteen. So as you leap in the air, your acrobatics, there's not a lot of things in the way here. So you flip in the air and catch the top of the cavern for a second. Grabbing with both of your hands, you look down for your mark as both the eyes of the crab are looking where you went. At that point, you go ahead and pull up

and then release, taking all the strength, like a downward rocket of a person aiming towards it with your hands in the air. Now go ahead and make your strike with a double-handed blow from overhead. So roll that now with advantage. With advantage. That's twice. With advantage. You roll it twice. 16. Do it again That's twice. With advantage. Roll it twice. 16. Do it again just in case.

Maybe you'll get a 20. Come on, critical roll! 17! Okay, that's definitely a hit. Wham! Like Hulk slamming both arms down onto the entity, you crack into it. Could you roll... This would be...

Could you roll 8d12 for me? 8d12? I don't even know if Tony knows what a d12 is. So I'll lend you a bunch of 12-sided dice over here. I've got it covered. You got to do it eight times, though. Yeah. Oh, damn.

Oh, I roll eight of these? Yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. And we got a bunch more over here. Here, take that one. Here, you just need one more, right? Yeah. There you go. Need eight. Can I do it here? Yeah.

What is this? What is happening? You just roll all those and add them together. That's a lot of damage? Yeah. That's right. That's going to hurt. Oh shit, Jesus. There's always one. Just re-roll that. I'll roll it.

It doesn't count? Okay. Okay, four. You rolled so good. Did I? Yes! All right, so I got 11, nine, okay, 24, 26, 28, 36, 40, 50. Whoa! 50 points of damage. As you strike down, your arms split through the crab's armor into the

center of its head, and you're now elbow deep inside with the side of its outer shell cracking in spaces. You still have a second attack. What do you want to do? Another attack? He gets two attacks around. I'm going to start drumming just to empower him even more. I'm going to hit the ceiling. You're standing on top of the shell. I was going to stand very carefully by the exit.

Your elbow deep inside of this crab. That's right. So this is the... Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Well, the d20, that's the d12. That's the d12. They look very similar. Thank you for your grace.

This is our shell. 10. 10, you have is our show. 10. 10? You have advantage on this, because you still have the bonuses from the apple. I got an advantage, meaning I get another turn. Indeed. You know this. You're doing great. Oh!

That's a natural 20. This is going to be gross. All right, so go ahead and roll those two 12s again, and then we double it. Oh my gosh! I got the pretty dice12s again, and then we double it. Oh my gosh! I get the pretty dice again. And then we get to double it. Oh, holy moly, this is the best thing ever. This is going to be so dark. Yeah! Pretty cut!

This is going to be so gross. Oh god. Okay. These are great. These are great again. 27, 36, 44. 62. 37, 36, 44, and another. 62. 44, 46, 50, 62.

Why did you say 62? Look at you. 62 double to 124 points of damage. Guys, we have the crab night! How do you want to do this? Oh yes! Oh my gosh. How do you want to do this? Oh my gosh. How do I want to do this? Describe how you finish off this crab.

Both arms are like, inside of it's somewhat cracked armor in the front. How do you finish it off? Well, I got huge strength in my body, right? Yes. So I'm gonna go full, just splice. Like that. Pull in and as you tear everything out,

just like it is Long John Silver. The rest of you watch as Sarge, who is glowing with- I got my bib on. A mystical celestial bib is apparated around his torso. I'm hittin' somebody. And just tears the shell in half. You watch as it just pulls apart into two pieces, and immediately crumples into the water.

It's all around. The legs twitch and stop moving, as there you see Sarge stand in all of his magical, glowing halfling fury. You turn around, covered. I forgot you were a halfling this whole time. Oh yeah. Covered in crab guts, you turn around

to the rest of you, still thrumming with the energy, and it immediately fades and you feel nauseous. Well, of course. That's a lot to walk through. I'm even more turned on. I need to talk to someone. Definitely have some problems. That's a workout.

Ooh, guys, that was pretty exciting. And you vomit into the water. The bits of the apple itself ejected from you. The last thing you hear from the apple itself ejected from you. The last thing you hear from the apple is,. Sorry, man. Thank you. Well.

I start pulling out crab bits. Let's make some dinner! Yeah, right? Collecting the healthy remnants of a massive crab feast. It takes you a few treks, but eventually you can pull them back to the top side and back to the village itself proper. Here, in preparation for the Musetide Festival, a massive crab break, or crab bake, is settled as part of the celebration, as the rest of you have now become lauded as heroes in showing and proving, both through the leftover bodies of the sirens and this sleeping crab entity, to those topside. Here, along the outskirts of the north shore of this island, the elder approaches you all, celebratory, with a massive bonus. I just want to say I had no idea y'all were this good at what you do. If it's at all possible, I'd

love to keep you on your current salary of 15 gold a day and maybe just take out more crabs for us, if you don't mind. You're going to need a little bit of a bonus. You're going to need to get a little bit of rice. That's right. Some game tickets, something like that would be nice. Free ice cream. You know, there's a lot. Free ice cream. I could do free ice cream. That I can do.

All right. We'll figure it out. A little low. The glorious ones don't come cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that, I get that. Well, it's a pleasure to have you amongst us, and should any other dangers come to us

by the end of this festival, I know who to call, and my first choice ends up falling through like it did. You've all been fantastic. Yes! Should we be concerned that the sirens called the big crab the dreamer and that's what this whole island is named for? That's fine. That's probably all right. Just enjoy the festival. Okay, cool. People still think I'm a murderer. That's true.

I mean, you didn't do much to dissuade that. The festival progresses onward with beautiful performances and culminating in the final magical dance number that is called The Calling of the Dreamer. You can see the symbols, the iconography throughout the various flags of this massive crab guardian that has been here and kept the village safe for hundreds and hundreds of years. As they finish their dance and the spirit of the guardian has come to a rise and blessed them with another year of prosperity, everyone looks confused as, strangely, the guardian spirit does not come when called. I think you might need to go on the lam from going on the lam. Oh no, who did this?

Oh no! Exactly. Ooh. You like eat. Just very quietly eat and have a beer. No one's putting two and two together as they're eating their crab cakes and their crab sandwiches and wondering

what this somewhat disappointing end to the festival happens, but everyone claps and cheers. Really tasty crab. The soft fireworks, and everyone goes home a little worried. The elder gets extremely drunk and feels like it's his fault.

But as the event begins to clear, eventually you see Dr. Drenzel, the orcish performer, return. Shortholt, we're moving on. Got a ship passing somewhere to the west. We're thinking maybe somewhere in Tal'Dorei. Oh, the band's moving on. Are you with us? Yeah.

All right. They're going to find out sooner or later. We might want to leave. All right, the Glorious Ones will join. Oh, we're bringing friends along, too? We might need some bouncers. Why the hell not? We wanted to see Tal'Dorei.

And I've always wanted to get some charm lessons, so maybe this guy could stick around for a while. You're up to a great start, as it is anyway, mate. And what kind of instrument do you play, friend? Just the triangle. I land on the ground and cast Enlarge, so I'm two feet tall. And I look up at Ran and say, he casts, he plays the Heart Stream. Oh.

When you got it, you got it. What can I say? Wouldn't hurt to have a new promoter, anyway. Oh, well. At your service. Fantastic. Kent legally has to have me for two more weeks. I'm in. All right, well, let's get on the ship and make our way out. This place is starting to get a bit dour.

He gets his pack over his shoulder, and as you all begin to wander off towards the ship and make our way out. This place is starting to get a bit dour. Gets his pack over his shoulder, and as you all begin to wander off towards the ship, the mists swirl and you see a strange, spectral shape drifting, staring off towards the back of Sarge. Yeah. Avenge me. Yeah.

Oh my god, this guy. And that concludes our adventure for today. Yay! You guys are so good at this. Dude, you did great! The first time playing? Yeah. Seriously. You guys are so good.

You went inside a crab and killed it. If I get the rules of, you know what I mean? It's like, see, you did it on your hands. It's a framework to make fun choices, and so the more comfortable you get with it, but you have a good time regardless. Thank you, Laura, Sam, and Taliesin for coming and helping out with this. Sam Richardson, Tony Hale, for a phenomenal job, and thank you again so much for joining us. This has been so much fun. Thank you all so much for watching. Remember, if you haven't donated to

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Red Nose Day funds incredible programs, bringing essential resources to kids in the U.S. and all around the world. But from me, everyone here, and everyone at Critical Role Foundation and Red Nose Day, thank you so very much. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. Bye, everyone. Thank you for listening to Critical Role.

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