Critical Role - Darktow | Echoes of Exandria | Edinburgh Live Show 2026 Part 1

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Part 1   This episode is sponsored by Ravensburger. Grab Horrified: Dungeons and Dragons Ravenloft at Target today! https://rav.wiki/CRHorrified2   Many years of slow-moving machinations come to a head as the Plank King discovers Kingsley’s plot to take Darktow and the Revelry is now hunting the would-be-usurper! His hand forced, Kingsley must call the Mighty Nein to his aid and rush to claim the throne of Darktow before the Plank King claims him!   Featuring Laura Bailey, Taliesin Jaffe, Ashley Johnson, Matthew Mercer, Liam O’Brien, Marisha Ray, Sam Riegel, and Travis Willingham   Captured live from Edinburgh Castle in Edinburgh, Scotland on July 12th, 2026   Master of Ceremonies: Daniel Sloss   Character Artwork by Will Kirkby @chamonkee Darktow Key Art by Coey Kuhn @coeykuhn Environment Art by Daniel Jiménez Villalba @danieljimenezvillalba Set Design by Abigail Strasser   BEACON We’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord.   #MightyNein #Edinburgh #LiveShow #OneShot #CriticalRole  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today, Critters, Travis Willingham here and welcome to the Critical Role Podcast Network. We are thrilled to have you here and thank you for making us a part of your day. You're listening to Part 1 of this episode right now and part 2 will arrive the following Tuesday. If you'd rather listen to the full episode right now and without any ads, consider becoming a Beacon member. You'll receive access to exclusive content, discounts at all of our online Critical Role shops, exclusive presales for live events and much, much more. You can start your seven-day free trial today at beacon.tv.

Now that we've got all that covered, let's go ahead and get this adventure rolling. Critters, welcome to Edinburgh fucking Castle! What an absolute privilege and an honor to be performing at this venue for the only time in my fucking career. Please take as many photos as you can and send them to me. Tell my mom this is my show. for any of you who's attended the London Wembley show I think you'll remember I specifically said that I would get these nerds to Scotland

I said that we could thank the production crew we could thank the staff but no let's thank me for those of you not from Scotland welcome to our beautiful country if you're from America enjoy functioning democracy

we're very kind to our guests here in this country I'm very glad that all the critical role players are here today and who would I be as a host if I hadn't bought them all some gifts now for those of you that might not know

this is this is an apparatus that we have in this country it is pronounced rec the huss juice it's a savory wine and I don't mean that in the fact that you have it with savory food

it's just savory itself one for Liam and two and the thing. I've never felt scummyer in my entire life than going into a corner store by ten mini buckfast and he was like do you know I want to just buy a full ball and I was like

no it's very important that they're all mini ones I need to make ten separate terrible decisions during the day I have 11 children to visit good Ladies and gentlemen, we've gone through the House rules, don't heckle, don't shout out. Big round of applause with the staff working at the venue this evening. Pusing gig for the staff running this.

Some historical gigs have taken place at Edinburgh Castle. But I don't think the Edinburgh security has ever seen people dressed as orcs and teethlings with horns on their head, storming up the Royal Mile and going, Fuck! The English are back! They're trying to take it again! I was out sauntering around, enjoying you all in your costumes. Lots of people asked whether I would be playing this evening. I will not be playing.

I'm very happy with my critical role... No, no. The fastest death in critical role history. Matt said that if I wanted to die in under five minutes, I should do some of my stand-up at the top of the show. That's a real thing he said. And then he punched me. That's what he said.

he did. Ladies, gentlemen, it's a quick fucking warm up, let's just do some practice. Cheers and booze are going to say something to make you cheer. We're going to say something to make you boo. To cheer. Somebody rolled a natural 20. Something to make you boo. J.K. Rowling.

We've done it, ladies and gentlemen. Without any further ado, welcome to Critical Role. My goodness. Friends, friends in my family historical home country, thank you for joining us in this very special live, critical role game in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Thank you so much for having us. This is super special for many, many reasons beyond just the absurdity that we're here and in front of the castle. But before we get into tonight's adventure, we do have some quick announcements to get through. Last announcement, Marisha, if you want to go. What's up, Ed?

One of the greatest honors we all have had to be here at Edinburgh. Castle with all of you all right now, in this moment, in real time to experience this all together before anyone else. So what that means is when you leave here, don't go on Reddit and transcribe the whole show. Don't go on Twitter, it'll forever be Twitter for me, and tell everybody's spoilers. Basically, don't be a dick. In the moment, let other people experience it when the show comes out on YouTube here.

in a few weeks. We love you. Thank you very much, Maritia. And I believe that concludes our announcements for the evening. So with that, my friends, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. Game tonight, we're not going to have canon. Secrets. Yeah, most of the cast didn't know that was going to happen.

This is so cool. Brue together, okay. We're going to do this. We're good. Here in Exandria. The recent events for those who were in our Berlin live show have only but two months been in the past. Mild spoilers for some, my apologies. But Beth Bernardo has since have a child.

A second wonderful baby boy. What was the name on that one? I believe it was Brenn. That's right. Brenado. Good old Brennan. Newborn safely cared for Nicodranus, with much of the team,

remaining nearby to help enjoy a temporary reprieve on the sandy beaches of Nicodranus, the gorgeous coastal city and the Menagerie coast. However, not all of our heroes currently bask in such glorious tidings, far to the southwest of the Menagerie coast, in the darkened, clouded skies of an evening storm that fades the crackles of distant thunder,

echoing above, gentle rain hitting the slick, dark, lanternlit rocks of Darktoe, the revelry pirate island, hidden far from the rest of the prying Clovis Concord. It is here on the eastern docks of the city. We see rain wet and chained with nothing but their pants and a series of gashes and bruises on their body. One Kingsley, is bound to a stone about two and a half feet, three feet in diameter.

There at the edge of the dock side, we see a whole troop of figures. The right hand of the plank king himself, James Tibolt, stands over, lording over our teetfling hero, where a dozen or so lackeys

the plank king flank at each side. One pirate figure that you know, Kingsley, as Obi-Dobson, a slovenly oaf with a long-standing feud with you, stands wearing your armor and armaments with a gloating grin, as James Tibbolt unravels a small scroll with a bit of scrawling on it and says,

Kingsley of the last laugh, you've been found guilty of espionage and intentional theft of the personal effects of the plank king himself. As such, it is my absolute. Pleasure to oversee yourself sunken to the depths of the Lucidian to haunt the lightless bottom. Have you any last words, thief? Shit. Well, I'd like to go on record that I tend to take being killed very personally.

And I'm going to be needing a very sincere apology from each and every one of you. I'll be back to collect. Sure you will. He takes the scroll, tosses to the side when the lackeys catches it, and they all, with wicked, greed, like, gleeful smiles in their faces, watch as James reaches forward and lifts the boulder. His massive frame rippling as he carries you and the rock up. Wait, I had more.

I think it was in my jacket pulling. A massive splash in the water as you feel yourself dragged beneath the depths. The water taking you down, down. You can hear the muffled laughter. of the various crew as they walk away from the dock, James looking down until the rest of the shadows take you in the evening depths. Now, Kingsley, you can hold your breath for about three minutes. What are you doing?

I think about 15 seconds of regret. That's what, two rounds? How far until I hit the bottom? You have no idea. Is it still going? It's still going. Oh, fuck. Oh, what do I...

You can just barely make out the faintest bit of lantern light hanging from the exterior dock side itself and even those are starting to vanish from your sight. You took all my shit too, didn't you? Yeah, Obey has all of it, yeah. Fuck. Okay, I have none of your equipment. No, that won't work then.

That won't work, oh, no. This might be a very fast game. Yeah, it's going to be very... Who wants to go drinking after this? So, I was going to say, I'm sure Sloss is something from... me at the back. Okay, I'm going to attempt once I am sure I'm out of sight and once the black has almost taken all the light away,

I'm going to attempt to use Ather Walk and step between planes and see if I can just shove myself out of these bonds. I would like you to make a dexterity check to see if you can manage to pull your fingers free. enough from your iron binds to make the necessary gestures that the hemacraft requires. First roll, let's go, baby! Now you are bound, so you're doing this with a disadvantage.

But you need a 15. Why would you say that? Because I can. Straight dexterity check? Straight dexterity check. Hey! Disadvantage. Yeah, no.

I rolled a 14 in a 9. and a 19. That's an 18. It takes a moment for the incantation to be drawn from memory without looking at the actual glyph usually drawn in the air, but here you carve it in the space of the water beneath.

The slightest bit of searing heat from the hemacraft glyph burns and steams here deep underneath the water. And as you do, you feel your body suddenly drift into the space between and reform. And you are free from your bonds, but you are still feeling that burning heat

your lugs begin to build, and you for a moment aren't entirely certain which way is up. I would like you to make a perception check. Perception or survival, you're calling. I'm so glad I had so much time with this character over the last few years to learn how they work. I'll start with it. I'll do a perception check. Side note, he didn't need to be shirtless for this, but it certainly doesn't hurt. It was the one requa, they asked if I could be killed in the manner of my choosing.

That's a 30. Talus is back Now this is great Get the high rolls out early You quickly orient Where you have landed yourself About 10 to 15 feet from the boulder Which you now can see

Vanishing in the depth below And the direction it goes Tells you immediately from gravity Which direction is up You glance up And where the darkness has taken all the light You know where you have to go To reach air again

Yeah I am So I have not dropped my intangibility yet Not yet And I am not moving. I can't move very quickly while this is going on. I know that. Let's see. Do I have anything I can fucking do?

I am going to move, swim upwards as quick as I possibly can, especially since you stole my ring. That would have really helped here. Directly upward? Kind of off into the, I'm trying to go off into the rocks, because I know it's a giant. mess out there. It is indeed.

I'm trying to find somewhere where I can get a little cover. I'd like you to make an athletics check for me and a stealth check. Not an... I can't justify acrobatics. Never mind. No, this is your ability

to swim to the surface against the very heavy moving water current. That's very fair. Amongst the rocks nearby and to not be seen from above. There's nothing. I'm looking at all of my stuff.

Okay. Athletics check. Here we start with that. Come on. Ooh. That'll be better. It's a nine. And then a stealth check.

What I'll say is the time it takes you to begin to gain some climb to the surface, moving through the space between, since there is no, like normally you have to utilize gravity here, but even in the space between, there is an element of the physical still affecting you. You drift upward and the incantation comes to an end. Oh, no. You find yourself back in the depths, and now you're fighting the current. you're swimming upward in its full force, and you're gaining a little bit,

but it's starting to feel yourself count down to that first, let's say, minute and a half into this long plunge. You about halfway through losing your breath in the beginning to drown. I'm going to roll stealth, and I'm going to ask a question. Yeah, go for it. See, if anyone's noticed you. I have a terrible idea. I like terrible ideas.

Stealth is great. That's 32. 32. Case you didn't know, level 20, D&D, y'all. Indeed, you. You feel confident that you've managed to use the depths to your advantage. And both of your travel between the space and this time of night, anything beneath the water is nigh impossible to spot unless somebody is very keen of eye.

And there are those up there, but they're not as keen as you are from hiding from them most of the time. Let's see. Okay. How many turns is it low? I can I see the light? I tried to get out right before the light vanished. I do have low light. You do see a little bit of light above.

It was probably like 45 feet or... A little more than that. Okay. Oh, okay, okay. So, one of the things that happens is when you drop ethereal plane, which I will in three rounds. Yeah. You begin to take 1D10 force damage if you start inside an object. I don't know if water counts as an object.

I'll say the first round you do, but then you've displaced the water. Okay, because, yeah, it will... So, yeah, that's fine. Nevermore. That trick won't work, then. I'll take that 1D10. Shit. And I take 10 points of force damage, so that's fine.

Love to see it. Yeah, yeah. You continue to climb and scramble up towards the surface. I'd like to make another athletics check. That's very fair. Can't argue that. Come on. Oh, no.

So it's the opposite of a natural 20. All right. In pushing away from the light to try and not be scene, you end up being slammed against one of the pillars of jagged shoal rock that docks the entirety of the water on the outside of the docks. It hits you and knocks a good chunk of the air from your lungs. You have 30 seconds before you begin to drown. Do some D&D stuff. Please die. Please. Right? 30 seconds a long time. If he dies, do we all go vacation and rumble cuss?

I mean... We just have a beach episode? Just march up and got it down to the last year. I know what happens if I die. You well know. Or I have a theory. Yeah, that's, uh... Yeah, that's gone.

That's gone. God, you took all my shit. I did. Oh, my God. That's so mean. Do you want to continue to climb or do you have another trick up your stage? I, at the moment, I'm going to continue to climb

while I try and think of something very clever that I swear I thought about all along. Swim. Swim. Swim. Swim. Oh, shit, fuck. Swim.

That's, uh... 23? Uh-huh, better. Uh-huh. You break the surface, gasp in air, and spin around to see the dock side, where indeed James Tibalt is still looking but hasn't made notice of you, probably about now 150 feet out from the docks. You slowly begin to swim adjacently to where he's watching,

holding your place there onto one of the nearby stones for some sort of purchase to not be bashed into them until eventually he steps away. Slowly, you wait for the next ship that's heading into land, and you clamber inside to stow away. Your equipment taken from you, no allies that you know of nearby, and even your crew, who knows where those alliances lay when you're supposedly laid to rest at the bottom of the ocean.

So you wait. You wait for weeks at sea, until eventually the ship docks for supplies in the outskirts of Nicodranus. You slowly scramble out in the early morning, reeking, starving, probably a little scurvy-laden, but happy to see at least a semi-familiar place. With what you know and what you've seen, what do you do? I am going to do my best to vaguely cover myself.

I am going to try and sneak in. to the lavish chateau, and hopefully find an unoccupied room if they exist, or we'll find out if I get caught getting in or not. Make a deception check for me. Were you trying to stealth in on scene? Oh, actually, I've got a better idea. What's your better idea? I want to get into the costume supply room in the back.

Make a stealth check. Done. Drown rat, but make it fashion. Uh, yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, 35.

You high-five Vax in the space between campaigns. I rolled a 19, it went really well. And without being seen, even Mighty Blue, who sits their arms crossed at the front, kind of making sure that each individual, especially this early in the morning, doesn't end up wandering and stealing from their extravagant bar, you find yourself from the costume supply closet.

What do you do? I'm going to throw on something almost tasteful, and although definitely it looks like I serve cocktails. And I'm going to try and find Nan, Marian LeRuby,

and see if I can have a brief audience. All right. I'd say with that I'd have stealth check, continuing through the chateau, you do that dance number, where each person, in this early morning, kind of groggy as they are, stepping through the halls, beginning to set things up for the day's approach of customers and performers, you manage to dance around each eye line until eventually you come to the outside of Marion's quarters,

where the door is slightly ajar. I am going to politely knock, but even though I'm knocking, I'm still just swinging right inside and shutting the door behind me. Hello, who is it? Hey, man. Oh, hello. What do we have you here for, I might ask? We need to have a talk. Is your daughter around? She's in the city.

We need to get the gang back together. Something's gone a bit terribly wrong. What do you know about what's happening in Dark Toe right now? Not very much, other than they pay very well. Is there somewhat private that we can talk? There are a few places as private as my bedchambers. But I will send somebody to retreat, Jester. You seem a bit shaken.

Do you like tea or some whiskey? Yes, tea and whiskey, whiskey, mostly whiskey. It would be very nice. A short time later, Jester, you receive a missive rapidly, asking you to return to the chateau to meet your mother. Ford! What? No, stop doing it.

Are you sure? Yeah, you know, it's an emergency. My mama says we have to get back to the chateau. For any particular reason, I thought what I was doing was pretty good. No, it is. It is. But we'll have to continue later. All right, Mama comes first.

Anyway, uh... I don't think I like that. No. But let's go. Arriving at the chateau, where Marion and Kingsley await. What? Hi, Dad. What are you dressed as?

I work here now. Times have been a bit tough. Come, come. Come, come in. What's this going on? This better be important. We left some really important stuff behind. I thought he would be faster than that, but that's fine.

Well, I... Should we wait till we gather everybody? Do you want me to get everybody? I think we need to get everything. Everybody. Things are a bit tricky. Hey, man, I get everybody. Yeah, that's fine.

We have a heart out of this castle. Let's do that. One by one, each of you who are either, as in Veth Bernato, watching your child, Your children, really, though the eldest one wants to be perceived less and less by the parents. Yes, I haven't slept in days. I'm exhausted. I have three points of exhaustion.

Metaphorically. But it's not from baby Bren. It's from Caleb. He's just so nervous about this baby. He won't leave me alone. Caleb, what are you? Just leave me alone. Let me sleep!

I'm really not myself. I haven't slept properly in about, what, two weeks? And I have been trying to give, you know, Veth and her husband some, you know, private time for, you know, Boomsen. I've been up many nights the last couple of weeks with little Brennan, and he's a delightful boy. I love him very much. But I am tired, so I may not be on my A-game today, so hopefully nothing too grievous or

important is going on. But if we have to leave, we'll be leaving Yeza in charge. Did you finish the magical item? Yeah, I finished it last night when I was up with Bren, here you are, and I place a small brass, compact mirror hinged in the middle into your hands. All done for you, my friend. I'll test it out. I'll open the mirror, and on the other... There's an image in the mirror that sort of broadcasts grainy,

black and white night vision image of young Wren in his crib. And it's like a baby model. You made me a scry, baby. Love it. I'll be able to check. All right. Bye, yes, good luck. Well, we got to go, I guess.

Yeah, feed the baby. You know, remember to feed the baby. I know. We've had one before. I know how to do this. Okay. But also, like, change the baby's diapers? I can also do that.

And do you know where we keep the fresh ones? I do. Okay. And just yell into the thing if you need me. Hi, does this work? Feedback. Wait till I'm out of the room. All right, okay.

Well, good luck. Whatever is going on. Let me know. Okay. I love you. Let me. Yachrebaugh. I'm so glad we're finally taking a vacation.

This is the best, babe. Just you, me, the beach. Yeah. Finally out here doing what we love to do best. Should I get another round of scry ties? Yes, give me a scry tie. Yeah, yeah, two extra ascribe ties, please. Woo! Thank you so much. Day drunk.

Love day drunk. Hey, drunkies! Ah, fuck! Your bikinis are beautiful. Thanks. Get back to the chateau. We all need to talk. God damn it.

I would have sent you a message, but I think it's going to be some crazy stuff, so I want to, you know, save my spells. We can never get a vacation. This is insane. Just come with us in your bikinis. It's fine. Okay, okay. We walk through Nicodranus and bikinis.

Yeah. Perfect. With my Scrites. Yeah. Paging for Zeta. You arrive at the Lavashateau in its early morning hours, generally quiet, maybe two patrons in there having their breakfast. Eventually you all gather up to Marion LeBore's room,

where they're indeed in strange clothing alongside Marion and the rest of your troop. There sits Kingsley. Auntie Bo. Oh, aunties, do you work here too now? Aw. They look great. Are you still alive? Well, that's actually part of the complication.

Uh, technically, yes, but on paper, no at the moment. Yeah, they've waited until everyone was here. We were in the middle of stuff. I'd like to know why we were so rudely interrupted. Yeah, we were in the middle of sex. What are you guys in the middle of? I want some specifics, please. You heard the lady.

Okay. What's going on? Well, this is good we have all of you. So, uh, I've been in dark toe for the last. Six months, give or take, back and forth. It's been going very well. It's been going recently well. It's been going.

And, well, Wyatt, the plank king. Good guy. So fun. He just rubs me the wrong way. And he looks so ridiculous in that stupid wig he wears. So I thought I'd take it from him. In my defense, I was drunk. And someone had dared me.

I had dared myself. But still, it's good to have goals. And so in the middle of the night, I may have trapped into his private office to make a point about personal security. And really, this is on you, Bo, because without you, I wouldn't have learned how to either read or look at ledgers. He goes, what? So he had a book there, and no one's ever going to look at a book. There's pirates. They're barely interested. You're a pirate. That's like blaming highway robberies on robes.

That's insane. So it was a ledger. And I thought that it might be interesting, and I leaped through a few pages of his ledger, and then a few more, going back more than a year. And the planking has been paying off and bribing members of the Clovis Concord

in this city for at least a year and a half, if not further back, Maybe two, three. People have died. He's paid for a few quiet, quiet executions. Well, but he's a pirate king. Isn't that what they do? Are you telling us that the plank king does illegal things? Oh, no!

Oh, my heaven. There's piracy, and then there's this. This isn't piracy. This is crime family tactics. This city, I wouldn't be surprised if 75% of the government of the city at this point answers to him. He's taking the city. Nicodranus? It's going to be owned by the Blanking? Sounds awesome.

It's pretty exciting. Wait, and then we can all be pirates all the time. Do you remember what he did last time he saw you? You banished it? He exiled us from the island for being awesome. but he can't exile us from our own city. Right? Why not?

Because my mom is famous. Yes. Who do you think your mom's going to be working for? She would... He goes, well, I mean, if there is a problem, I'm sure me and my girls can... Or boys, or whoever he's looking for could take care of him. There are already plans in motion to take this establishment

as one of their three primary points of interest within the city. Well, that's not nice. That's not okay. They're locking it down. Everything else I don't care about at all, but they can't have the chateau. They're going to basically have control of this port and all of the import export that goes through it. They're going to be making a fortune. They're taking power away from the Concord.

And why stop here? He's not going to be a pirate. He is going to be a bloody crime lord. World domination. It's good to have goals. Those were your words Yeah, how do we feed into all this? Yeah

Well, I thought you might like to do something For your mother-in-law No We should definitely do something for her But Kingsley, I don't know if this is really for her Or if you just want to be the Pirate King Can't it be both? Are you just doing this so we kill him

And you take over? Marion taps you on the shoulder and says Now, when you say that he has plans for the chateau Do you mean like Work with him? us or have you met the man no I've only heard he doesn't work with anybody it's his way or no way I spent my entire life building up this place not just going to roll over so some man can take it from me personal level Lava Chateau has the best

preschool in all of Nicodranus I was planning on sending Bren here that is very true I'm so glad we opened that up recently to the battle. It's so terrible. Mama, don't worry. Nobody's going to take over the chateau, okay? Maybe at the very least, you can talk to him

and ask him to be friendly, or maybe we can... I can just send him a message. Yes. Oh, I would not do that. Let's not tip him off. At the moment, she's... Very charming.

I talk to him all the time. He's never told me about this. You do what? Just riot. What? You just talk to your friend, old P.K., and you don't tell you all. I don't tell you at the people that I talk to all the time. Let me see your messages.

Does he actually speak to you other than you just speaking to him? I think he replies. Kingsley, do you have... Sometimes I don't pay attention. Do you have anyone helping you with this? Or is this just you going after his stuff, finding out something you didn't like

and then wanting us to come along and... Well, they did catch me, and they did execute me. So, you're dead. I'm currently, as far as they know, dead and have been for a few days now. Whoa, you must be a strong swimmer. Let's say so. That's awesome. Thank you.

I didn't swim all the way. I got on another ship. Oh. So you have no help. It's just us, which, I mean, is us. It's quite the group. And we're going to, what, replace? Yousurp the plank king?

Unless you have a better idea, it's either that or this city quietly becomes an arm of darkness. Can I insight check Kingsley? Yes, you know. Kingsley, good role. Deception or Persuasion? Up to you. Done. Done.

Done. Done. Done. I think his deception is really good. Not that it matters. No, it's not. You're telling the truth, honey. What am I at?

It's 11. 27. Oh, yeah. I am very, I am very much. doing my best to try and maintain any sense of control over the situation, but no, I am trying to convey that your mother is going to be, basically her whole business is going to be theirs. She's not going to be able to leave the city. Your family are going to be probably caught and executed.

This is going to be bad. And once they have control the city, everything's fucked. Well, it's not exactly in Borogat and my jurisdiction, but if you're being on the level, is he being on the level? He's being on the level. That's a first. It is not. No, he always tells the truth.

This is good. That means we have the element of surprise on our side. They think you're dead. They've only seen us once, and that was years ago. And honestly, how loyal can people be to a pregnant? They remember. They're talking. I do them all the time.

You know, here's the thing. If I don't call him, he's probably going to think, something's wrong. I don't think he thinks of it like that. Well, if you do call him, don't tell him we're coming. Okay. What should I do? Just say we're not coming. No.

True on a few levels. Marion, I may have made a mistake. I don't quite know what to do. Somebody check in and just say, hey, how's it going? Whatever you're thinking of doing, at the very least, see if there's a way to just look out for us. We need to stop this. and I genuinely don't know who else to ask.

I wouldn't be asking. I would ask literally anyone else. But I am forced to ask you. Kingsley, don't be like that. No, it's true. We barely know this guy, remember? He's not Molly anymore, you guys. He's basically a stranger.

That's still not true. What's my mother's name? Bitch, if I recall, I'm parting to you. Caleb, what do you think? This feels like a terrible idea. It is a terrible idea. This is not even our realm of responsibility, but family is family.

And I would owe you so much. And honestly, me owing you something would be better if I was the plank. Pirate man, you're laying it on a little thick. Stand back for a moment. No, I have complicated feelings with my friend, Kingsley. Sorry.

I think we should help. Justa? I think we should do it too. Thank you. No, no, Mama. I mean, Kingsley, sure, yes, I want you to be a king. I want you to rule all of the pirates, okay? I think that'd be fabulous, but you have to not wear that wig.

Oh, no. Okay. My days and nights are filled with poop and breastfeeding. My nipples are raw. So if there's a chance, A little chance. If there's just a chance that I could fire a cannon, no.

No. Then I will take that chance. Are you sure though because you know a boy needs his mother and Bren, Bren needs his mother in his life? You are stressing me out. Here look, here, I'll show you. He's fine. I opened the Scriber baby and look in on Bren. What's going on?

He's quietly sleeping, curled up in the crib. and you can see Yeza sitting next to him in a little stool with a book open and just kind of reading. He does look, okay, but it might not last. He might need one of us. He might need me, specifically. First time parent, who's not even a parent?

First time step-parent? What are you? Forget it. You have a lot of unresolved trauma, I feel like. How about fallen God's father? I like that. We'll just truncated to Godfather. Well, good.

Then I'm making you an offer. You can't refuse. Let's go to Dark Toe and have some fun. I need... I hand her some cocoa oil from my component's pouch and why they say, this is all your nipples. Chief. Mama's got some really good stuff too.

No, honestly, I can give you a bottle for you. I didn't realize there was so much change. Can you apply it? I'll invoice you later. Can blude? Forget it. Let's focus on the task at hand. I'll tell you what, if you save the chateau for me, blood can apply it to both.

Can I get something a little more reasonable to wear it to? Of course, of course. Thank you. You look amazing. Why would you want to change? Sequence are good on you. I feel like it's not very stealthy, though. Stealthy. She calls some employees to bring a plethora of various outfits,

many which he assures have been clean. But you gather yourselves, gather your materials, and once you're at the ready, how do you... We can take one of our ships, or we could probably do it faster. Never mind, Caleb. Well, I can drop us in, and I think that would help with the element of surprise.

He thinks he's dead. It's been a couple of days. Where do we want to land on the island? I can't promise precision, but my memory is pretty good. Well, there's an area of Dark Toe called the Pubic Triangle, which is, like, very...

It's famous for people going in and just disappearing. How do these live shows get foreign? and hornier. We're in Scotland. This time we can see the audience, hence the horniness. Eyes, eyes, eyes. Very well. So you would like to teleport to Dark Toe?

Yeah? Preferably, yeah, the other side of the island where they wouldn't expect anyone to be hiding. I think that would be probably the best way to go as far away from the port as humanly possible. Don't take it from the back. You have time for your own speed. Stop it.

I had a good time of your wedding. I was so long. Food? Do we have time for a hero's feast? Oh, you're right. I think I have that prepared. Oh, I don't know. I don't check.

It's good. It's going to take me a while to figure out. I do, I do, I have a hero's feast. Let's sit down, have a little meal, and then we'll be off. Very well. Actually, just to make sure that I am able to help us as much as possible, if we could leave from Vets home, I have a circle there. It's permanent now.

That'll help us launch, and I'll save a little bit, and then you can cook there, and I have a few things I want to cook as well, and then we go, okay? Quickly. Sure, but we have to keep it down because little Brembren is sleeping. I know, but maybe I'll wake him up just for a moment. No. Don't do that. Don't have. If he's sleeping, let him sleep. Okay, okay, okay.

All right. All right, so you complete your hero's feast? I'm going to cast heroes feast, yes. Yes. And then I'll roll our temporary hit points, which will make a huge difference at level 20. It's advantage on int checks. It's advantage on wisdom saving throws. Immunity to poison and being frightened. Being frightened.

Two tense! That's the most healing I've ever done. There's a little guy. Got this little bug. Dang, dude. Hey, buddy. He just came to say, hey, that's awesome. Here, you can chill out of my DM screen.

Sorry, it's important to me. Hey, I was coming from my hand. Hey, buddy, you want to hang out? I know, right? There you go. Sorry, that was important. Thank you for your papers. Since I know they have this, and I know that I've no weapons right now,

can I grab a whip? Yeah. Thank you. Weirdly, chateau, well-armored for that. This will, uh, a cachet. The Batman closet. Yeah. What color would you like?

Materials gathered. Feast had. Over at Vetsholm, I draw... Oh, no, it's permanent. It's permanent. It's ready. So instead, I gather everyone around the circle on the floor. Gather up one last thing to do. And because I have spell mastery of fortune's favor

and a bag full of pearls, I spend eight minutes going around the circle and touching it one at a time to everyone's heads and little dune manic fractal patterns explode outward, and everyone has one luck point for the day. Whoa! Does anyone want mine? Oh, wow.

Anybody else? Anything else? Smok and why you got them? I finish my sky's now, I guess. Same? You all look great. I don't know. Beth, maybe check the mirror just one last time. next room.

That's a good boy. Don't make a sound. He's a light sleeper. Don't you slam the door! And with that, I strike the chalk and the last two slashes fulfill the pattern, and we go. As you all feel

the rush of air that swirls around you, your breath seems to have metallic taste for a brief moment as the very presence of space time around you shifts and bends. You feel drawn through between the spaces. I need you to roll a D8 for me, Caleb.

Yeah. Okay. Slowly fine, still fine. It's all good. It's a seven. I think that's good. Okay. You're used to arriving in an instant

at the location of your memory, but something briefly interferes at the last moment. There's a flash of some sort of an arcane grid, a wall of glyphs that seems to catch you off guard. The spell, gets immediately shunted off from the immediate target. Maybe I should check his diaper one last time. You all instead find your feet on rough ground.

You catch yourself barely at the edge of what looks to be one of the many shoal stones that breaks the water on the outskirts of Darktoe. For a brief moment, Caleb, you can see a series of stones arranged around the entirety of Darktoe that were glowing fade. you understand in that moment that there is some type of teleportation ward on this island to pretend people from doing exactly what you were trying to do direct.

It doesn't prevent it, but it shunts it to a place of a little more protective safety. He has added a few tricks to his home. I thought you were stronger than that, Caleb. I told you I haven't slept in two weeks. Now, the rest of you, taking a few. the space. You can see now as you stand, this is a small rock that you're all kind of gathered

on having to hold yourselves before tumbling into the freezing cold waters below. The sun itself, after your preparations and day, is now later afternoon. And you can see the sky itself taken mostly by grayish clouds with just little bits of sky pushing through. The massive stone island mountain of dark to,

right across the way from you, about 300 or so feet before the docks are within your grasp. You can see the wind is blowing strong gusts past you. The rain is just beginning to fall as a looming, shadowed cloud cluster is coming in rapidly with the promise of an approaching storm. Now, the grand scale of the Revelry Islands, Darktoe, is ominous for many of you to return to. The faint fog that rests across the waters and the horrors. horizon, the many, many levels of layered ramshackled buildings and towers and scaffolding like bridges that affixed together to build this strange patchwork cityscape that builds up along,

this climbing, extremely featureless smell, treeless, unable to sustain any natural real life aside from moss and the occasional burst of seaside growth. You can see at the very top of its apex, a number of lanterns that hang around the throne roost. This is the area where the Plank King holds his homestead, his place of power, his seat of the revelry. Hundreds and hundreds more lantern lights glitter, the city's scape, just sweeping down the massive mountainside.

And you can just barely make out the shapes of small shadows. Many, many people that call this place home temporarily or permanently skittering through the later day. Now, what would you like to do? Purple man, how do you want to do this? Stay unseen, go in disguise,

I can help with that. I definitely think stay unseen for now is the way to go. If the alarm gets raised, everyone is going to stay with the devil they know. We have to cause some chaos, cause some confusion, when it's time.

Do you have any allies here, anyone who's been threatening mutiny, or at least whispers of it? Well, it's like any government is the people who are taking care of. We'll defend it, and the people who are less so taking care of it will wait for a good opportunity to turn. I don't necessarily know I trust anybody. But allies are possible. As your eyes are sweeping the dock side, as you're saying this Kingsley, you see there are five ships that are currently docked here.

Less than you recall, you see there are two war galleons that are named the Dusk Omen and the Final Retort. Both people that you have not made friends with Captain Wise. There is a merchant vessel called the Maiden's Cy, a second merchant vessel called the Dyer Promise, and still moored here at the dock, There is a brigantine sailing vessel called the Last Laugh

that is or was your ship before you were cast into the waters. My crew would be faithful. Although if they think that we're not going to survive, they would certainly save their own skins. And I wouldn't, I wouldn't fault them for that. How long have you been dead? About a week, I think. A couple weeks, about a couple weeks.

And you think they would still follow you? Mm-hmm. think they still follow you? Oh no, I think they're being very smart in doing whatever they're told. But they know me well enough to know that if I come back I'm going to come back with a plan, which means I need a plan. The names

of these ships, do Jester and I recognize the Duscom and the final retort, the Maiden Sye or the Diary Promise? I feel like the Maiden Sai sounds familiar. The Maiden Sye, I mean the merchant vessels you've seen come through, in the Dyer Promise, those you've seen come through Nicodranus before, especially with your experience along the docks that side, they are you gather now at this point,

members of the reverie that masquerade as merchantile passing through when they're coming across the docks of the Menagerie coast proper. But here, apparently, they have some strong ties to the referee. Has anything changed in

the Plank King's quarters? Like, is it still the one massive staircase all the way up the mountain to his place? Indeed, the stone stairs still climbs this massive switchback pathway. that heads up this incredible apex of the mountain. You do see across the way there is the massive cavern

that is visible by a number of openings along the base, referred to as the undercrawl caverns. And that's where the majority of the central Darktoe City resides. Clusters of it spill out into the kind of dockside exterior, and there are clusters of it that are along certain portions of the stone stair along the ascent. And you would know, Kingsley, the undercrawl has various ladders and pathways that from inside climb up to higher parts of the mountain. Where's Captain Obi-Dotson's ship? Oh, he doesn't have a ship.

Oh, that's right. He's an ascendant member of somebody else's crew. Are there lights on the last laugh? Make a perception check for me. Also, are we connected by land, or is there water between us? No, there was about 300 feet of water between you and the dock. Yeah. That's all right.

We can do the underwater breathing thing that all of you like so much. You could just ride on Ford's back like he's a porpoise or a dolphin. Yeah. 34. 34? Indeed, there are lights on in the ship.

And I'll say with the 34, there are a few familiar members of the crew that are currently getting it prepared. to leave at some point in the next day or so. You can see the early preparations for a long journey. Supplies are being brought on board. Like the other ships have other crews working to either put supplies on or take things off, whatever it may be.

But your ship is being supplied up for a voyage, and you see, after a moment, standing up on the deck, still wearing your armor, having your sword, and with a mighty grin, the new captain of the last laugh. Obi-Doddison. Let's go steal your ship back! I think we're going to make a quick pit stop, if that's all right. Wait, wait, wait.

Are you sure that's worth it? I'm currently holding a whip. That is, honestly, feels kind of nice when I use it on myself. I think what Bo is driving at is that either we're making an assault on the Plank King's Palace, which is a really stupid fucking idea, or we're causing some sort of a commotion down here on the docks in an effort to try and draw him out instead an ambush. And if we try and attack a ship where you have some...

that has taken over, that could alert everyone to our position, and then, boop, surprise is over. Well, I'll say, first of all, someone is giving him a lot of credit. He's barely two brain cells. I have a thought that if we get my crew back, we take the ship quietly. They don't know we have it, and suddenly we have a whole sight of cannonade for when we need it. Yeah! I like... Caninade? I like the cannon part. I knew you would. they wouldn't suspect that we suddenly have a lot of firepower for the moment we needed

So we'll be able to funnel them here to the docks Like this was where we'll make our ambush We need to sneak onto the ship Well shit Okay so they're both really dumb fucking plans Whatever, let's just go Ford can you do that thingy?

Yeah everybody whole hands in a circle I don't I didn't agree to this I don't know what the thingy is Yeah everybody hold on What's hard Oh And you look down and on your arms, you see these tendrils that snake up as I cast underwater breathing to all of us. You're welcome. Thank you.

As each one of the little suckers on the tendrils pop, the time ticks down. And Caleb dives into the water and suddenly a large, rounded orca face pokes up from the water. Oh, look. Oh. No one to nor? I'll ride that. It's dolphin. It's 300 feet.

It's dolphin noise. I'm jumping on. All right. Are all of you... Okay. But instead of holding on, I'd like to surf. All right. For those of you that are swimming,

I'd like you to make an athletics check. For those of you that are riding Caleb, I'd like you to make a stealth check. How many can ride them? How many can ride Caleb? What? So the form you took would be like an orca, you said? Yeah, just have to hold on.

Then I'd say probably safely. Not a fast swim, maybe three people. Yeah, but fins to hold on to. Who's bad at athletics? I'll swim. I'll swim. I rolled a one. Then you want to ride.

You're riding. We have a ride in here. I'm bad at athletics. So what are you doing, Justin? I jumped in the water and I'm floating away. Caleb grabs the fringe of Jester's outfit in his giant rounded teeth and begins to, with death, at least anyone else who wants to, and begins to plunge quickly through the water, underwater towards the boat. The water is freezing cold. It chills you to the bone immediately and as you try and grasp for any semblance of your strength here in the freezing cold, you inhale a bit of the sea.

water, that horrible briny taste before you get dragged by Caleb's Orca and a bit of momentum towards the shoreline. I hold sprinkle up and out of the water. All right, so that was a one. Everyone else rolling for either

stealth if you're riding, Caleb, or athletics if you're swimming? Athletics 23. Do they have advantage if I'm 15 feet or 20 feet under the surface of the water? If it wasn't so bright, and there are watchtowers along the outside of it, I'd say yes, but because this place is a paranoid island by nature, a straight roll.

So, 27? 27, all right. That's, uh, athletic. It's 21. 21, all right. 29. 24. Great.

23 for athletics. All right, and Caleb, I need you to make a stealth check as your orca using its next day. Should I, should I make a stealth role too now that I'm being dragged by Caleb? Natural Orca 20. I'm gonna say no you do not wait do you drink your butt did you already drink your buck fest I've started Oh wait what? It's it bad? It's interesting Oh I forgot I'm sorry we haven't opened this yet. I guess we should all try our buckfish Wait who brought me? We have them a lord I'm not afraid what does that smell?

Daniel we're gonna have words That's actually pretty good I didn't read it I didn't read it I just assumed it was whiskey. I like it, actually. Oh, I like it, too. Yeah, that's good. It's like a frozen grape juice pop went bad. It's a grandma's perfume.

What does LSD mean? You all threaten through the darkened water across the way. Now as you get close, you can see there are the three main watchtowers that overlook this space here with various revelry watchmen. This has a high caffeine content? What? It says on the... the label. We're in the middle of a live

show. I'm sorry, that's crazy. Long perception. Not recommended for pregnant or breastfeeding women. Oh, no! Taylor, why did you give me this? Don't worry, I have five bottles inside Widow Gasque's

Vault of Amber ready to go. Sorry, continue. That's okay. You can see numerous Revelry watchmen are amongst these towers, keeping eyes along both the immediate water line and the distant kind of reef breaks from the few paths that snake through for ship vessels and swimmers. However, in your rapid approach and your experienced troop being who they are, you get to the

outskirts of the docks unnoticed. I assume you're veering over towards your ship, since that's where you're heading? And the side that can't be seen. You all glide over quietly to the edge of the docks. The top, like actual foot-bearing surface of it is about, about three feet up from the water surface. You hear it splashing and smacking against the side of the docks as the waves themselves hit an impact. There's a couple of rope lines tied around them, and you can hear the footsteps of various dock workers

or shipworkers heading through the docks. What do you do? I want to take a listen to see who I recognize, if it's our people, and if I can hear that asshole, if I can hear Obie doing there. Yeah, you listen in for a bit, You hear some mutterings and you're like, Hi, we gotta get this thing all ready to go here

in about four hours, so as your captain says, hurry up! The terrible phrase of Bobby Dobson, the new captain of the ship causes you to shudder. Sounds like a real dumb Englishman. I changed my mind, let's fuck this guy up, this is a great plan. You're uncertain if the crew has been replaced, story, your crew, you can see

they're more just grumbling under the rapid work they're given. But at least, you know, he's maybe no more than 20, 25 feet from where you're all currently swimming. Okay, and he's up on the... He's up on the actual deck. Babe, should we take him? Sure. I was thinking of waiting until he's perhaps inside. Oh,

we shouldn't just, like, reach up and pull him into the water. Yeah, let's do that. I feel like that makes a bit of a splash. Okay. Well, dimension Doris up into the room of the ship. But I don't know what it looks like, so I might dimension Doris into the roof of the ship.

Is there a way to convince him to go to the captain's quarters alone? I could charm him. I could try. I mean, you are charming. What? Can you do it from here? Can I see him? If you swim out a bit...

How far away is he? He's about... If you swim out to see him past the dock and stay low enough, for you, you're not quite being seen. He's about 40 feet from you. I can only do it. I could make him think something from this far. I could try some sort of illusion thing from this far.

We're trying to get him to go inside the... I'll cast phantasmal force on him. Okay. Okay. There's some saving throw out. It's a natural four. What image are you planting in his mind? It's an image, right?

You can't do a sound. I mean, be creative. Tell me what you want to do. Oh, yeah. Can include sound yeah okay. I'd like him to think oh shoot what does the captain sound like? Just what he's it is a sound do man bay and raw? Wait is that the captain? Yes that I mean no No I know

Oh make it like a mermaid okay okay I'm gonna make him think that a mermaid is calling to him from from the captain's quarters Oby obi I need she in here I'm so sexy And I need some company Bring me some bookfast I'm going to ask you to make a persuasion check with advantage It was only going to be a normal role

But when you said Buckfast It's with advantage Here I'll be go All right, you know You just keep doing what you're doing I've got to do captain stuff Down below Don't bother me.

It's finally happening. Then he quickly like, you're a boop, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Do you want to meet me inside, then? And I'm going to be pointing up at the fact that there are windows to the captain's quarters, for those who want to climb. The orca, with its intelligence of three, spins over and bears its belly to the sky and just looks fondly at Ford.

I climb up on the... Orca's belly and I do some like Zelda video game stuff and I jump on it. Give me a boost to the window. All right. Dope monkfish shit. For this I'd like you all to just roll a group stealth check. To one by one make it into the ship without any, either the him or the crew noticing. We're gonna need, I'm gonna say, four, six,

successes at least to succeed in this. So it is a 12th, a svolve, for me. That's one failure. Oh, 19? That's a success. Three. Two failures. Natural 20.

Oh. That's 26. That's three successes, that counts as two. Dirty 20. That's a success. That's all you needed. All right, fantastic. Because we both got natural ones, so...

Actually, what did you guys get? I wrote 50. Okay. 27. Yeah, we're cool. We're cool. We're cool. Because then it would have been real fun. All right.

One by one through the help of Orca trampolining and your knowledge of your own ship, one by one, you all clamber up to. There is like a subtle balcony on the outside of the captain's quarters window. One by one, you all get up there. The doors, hilariously, unlocked. Yeah. But you watch as the new captain, Ovi, is kind of going through the captain's quarters, going, you all heard your voice I'm over here

Where you're hard and beautiful sea Maybe Are you underneath the covers Not there I am going to try and Very quietly sneak in While he's looking in all the wrong place Yeah with your fine stealth checks

You all slowly open the door without an issue And he's like Oh man being a captain so nice They just come right to you I use mask of many faces to change into a mermen lay on the bed. Yes! He spins around.

Oh, uh, ah, ha ha. Matt told us a couple of hours how deadly this game was gonna be, and now we're doing this shit. Sweet mystery so what depths? What can this recently appointed captain of the high seas do to please you? Come here and lay down. Give us a cuddle. I'm on the 40. It starts like fuddling with his boots and starts like trying to undress.

What are the rest of you doing? I'm quietly hanging back and trying not to be seen slowly. I'm not even going to make your role. He is halfway undressed and like tangling with his pants as you just, boom. He's out. Is this? Is this what this castle was built for? I go start taking off all as close.

Easy enough to do. You get your equipment back. I just do for Kingsley. Caleb, do you know how to wash this or anything? Is there magic? And then I'm going to go over to mermaid for. Never mind. I'm waiting.

I'm the getaway, Orca. He's still in Orca. Until you tell me different. Do you still look like a mermaid lady? Because I'm going to go over there and punk. Couldn't send me. Please. There's a knock at the captain's quarter's door.

Excuse me, Captain. I'll know you say not to be bothered, but we're trying to figure out where to put the rest of the supplies here. Load them all up in the back, of course. Make a deception check for me. Yeah, that would be great. That was a full-body voice.

Don't see how we do in the V-O-10. Somehow I rolled a natural 20. I need to justify this. No, please justify this for me. I need to justify this. I am just going to start hacking so terribly that it sounds like I must have something wrong.

Okay, so don't worry about it. You just get some rest, we'll take care of the rest of this. No worries. We'll send you up some tea in about an hour. And he leaves off here, the footsteps fall away. You gather the crew's not going to bother you for another hour.

You have your materials back, and you are here at the Docks of Darktoe. What do you do? I don't know how to sound that stupid on purpose. It was really funny. Now what? We've got your shit back. What's step two? And we've got all of his gear, and now you're powerful again.

Thank you. Do you want to try and talk to your crew, or are we just rolling out now that you're kidded up? I think we need some friends. And did I, I didn't recognize the voice. Or actually, did I recognize the voices? You did not. My crew or someone else?

This seems like at least that person was from somebody else's crew. Does anyone want to pretend to be, the idiot over here and maybe convince somebody of high rank to come in here really quick so we can't have a chat. Yeah, sure. Fuck it, why not? I'll use mask many faces to turn into

what's his name, Ollie, Ollie Oxfrey? Bobby. Bobby. Yeah, that guy. Obi, yeah. Obie. How do I look? Real dumb. But dumb enough, I'm not sure.

Let's find out. Who would be like the second command around here? Who would he have employed? a voice you didn't know. It would either be one of mine or one. I would know his second. I'm trying to... I kick the door open.

Oh yeah, first mate, get in here on the double. Captain, Matt, ma, you're feeling all right. Get in here, you bastard. You see, like, a somewhat jaundiced-looking fellow with a mass of tattered, like, black hair, a leather tunic sleeveless. He looks like he was built. probably in his early days, but now as he's pushing 60s,

his skin kind of, kind of, who am I thinking of his name? A musician in his 80s who's still performing, whose skin is just kind of painting up. Barry Maniloh. Any of them. All of them. Crisker sounds. No, it's like Iggy Pop, who I loved to death.

Iggy Pop's amazing. It was kind of like Iggy Pop. It was like, are you feeling all right, sir? Yeah, come on in every need to talk about things. I know you're not feeling well, sir, so it's okay. Gets inside the chamber. Shut the door behind him.

Not the rest of you're hiding or you just down the open. Should I punch him? No. Wait, wait, wait, wait! I'm gonna quietly lock the door and I'm gonna cast a charm person. All right. Wisdom saving. Yeah. Natural one.

Hey! Good time. Ooh, it falls for more Buckfast. Yep, that's right. Oh, I thought you were dead. Well, clearly you're not well informed, are you? No, apparently so. I'm so glad you're alive.

It's good to see you. I know we never really got off in the right foot before, and I know it will be... Apparently, to me, a bit of a wanker. A bit, really? Oh, you got his stuff back? He's been very kind about it. Wow, I didn't think you do that?

Yeah, I'm very generous. Yeah, who knew? You just needed to become punched. Barry, so... What's going on? Well, you're a friend. I've always felt that your talents have been wasted. Right.

I feel like you could do better in the world. Okay, yeah, me too. So is my mom. Clearly a woman of some sort of charm. Since you happened, how would you like a promotion? How did you end up on this ship in the first place? Working for this, it is. Well, you know, it's about being an opportunist.

And I spent a long time making puppets. And it's a really, the raided artful craft, but like it just didn't sell as much as I thought it was. You know, having to be traveling and our ship got taken and as opposed to getting my throat slit, I said I can clean the feet. And, you know, you worked your way of the ranks over the years and somehow I ended up getting a little place here on the corner here.

It's been kind of fun. What are we doing? I hope for your mother's sake you're not an only child. Oh. What did they tell us on the tour? There were like 29 sieges on this castle. Defended for this and now we're doing this You got us the guy that makes puppets

You got the guy who makes puppets So what are we doing? Are we going to be friends with him? What's happening? That's a good question. If I were going to be, let's say Reestablishing my post upon this ship as captain Could you very quickly round up anyone you think who would be in the moon to join such an opportunity? It's a Including yourself clearly. Oh, I'm happy to help out, but I'm going to be perfectly honest here.

You were told to be dead, and under the rule of the plank king, you're considered dead by the revelry. So if they all know you're here, they're going to go ahead and kill you. All right, so can you do me a favor then? Yeah. Can you really quickly go out, give them all the rest of the night off? Because there's a problem with the ship. We're not going to be able to take off any time soon. I got you.

And don't tell them I'm here yet. And then the minute you do that, come right back. Sounds good. I don't know who you all are. Are you sure you trust him to do that? No, as soon as he comes back, we're going to have bow punch him. What if he doesn't come back? What if he just runs and tells the plank king right now?

I also thought we needed a crew. That's gone now? Fuck that. Let's just get to the planking. I'm going to send him a message. Oh, no. This is so dangerous. He has a whole sea kingdom.

It's a seedem. We might take their lives, but we'll never take their seedem. He's going to... Oh, my God. You can do that. This is good. It'll give us an opportunity to see if he has company, if he's busy, if he responds frequently.

We've got at least another 45 minutes before that idea notices that he may be under a bit of a mystical sway. Go, Jesse. Okay. What are you up to? I'm just sitting here. Waiting for Ford to come up. Oh, we are going to have words.

Have you seen any good shows lately? You got five words left! Oh, so? Miss you so. You know what? It's worth, buddy. Let's go ahead and get the plank king out here to respond to this message. What?

We are so fucked. Oh, no, we are so fucked. If we could get a chair out here for the plank king. There we go, look at this. I see, Belly! This is Liam here, Daniel. You look really good. Oh, I'm so upset. I feel good.

So. I'd be sending late night messages too. In the throne roost, talking amongst your various compatriots, your aides, your right hand, and you suddenly have a familiar, obnoxious voice pierce the center of your concentration, asking you what you're up to while her husband is not home. In 25 words or less, would you like to respond?

Do I know it's 25 words or less? No. Great. I got you, D. Jesse, it is so good to hear from you again. May I ask for the purpose of your call? Is it just the loneliness? One more word.

Because I can clear the room. He responded, he likes me. Best friends. No big deal. What did he say? He said, he asked if I was just calling because I was lonely? Because he said he could, and then it cut off. I'm not sure.

At this point in time, The gentleman goes back. Okay, so I told them all that I got the rest of it night off. Crack, crack, crack! Throw him on the pile. Well, let's that supposed to do that. Let's tie him up and gag him and go over the business. Yes, I will tie him up as well, so both of them are hog-tied and I'm holding them like purses.

We're going to keep them in here, I think. Okay. Drop him on the ground. I think that the plank thing is in his throne room right now. So we have no crew and no artillery backup. Should we just make this ship a distraction and then sink it or something? Don't you dare sink on a ship? I want a bloodstream. That's a good idea. I actually think that's a great idea.

I will murder. Maybe a few more ships as well, yeah. I'll message, Caleb. The orca is a son. Stephen. Caleb, you don't need to be an orca anymore. You can't reply to this message. All right. I think he's fine.

How are we situated right now? Is the ship... The ship is docked. The ship is docked. You are mostly all within the captain's quarters with two unconscious bodies and a crew that is now in the finishing leaving the ship. You have the docks themselves, the eastern docks are beyond you. Then beyond that, you can either go to the undercrawl caverns,

which is the interior main cityscape of Dark Toast Heart that does have two different slab layers and ladders that lead up to the kind of middle tier of the stone stair, or you can just start taking this first leg of the stone stair, which is a bit more exposed and winding up the mountain, but doesn't involve having to get involved with the heaviest parts of the city. I'd say, well, clearly I have to take your lead because you're going to do whatever the fuck you want.

Anyway, I'd say we take the caverns, but first do we want to perhaps pre-examination? relatively load a few with the cannons. Oh, just for chits and giggles. We can go straight and Caleb could turn us all into like normal-looking pirate so we don't look like us. We could disguise ourselves. Where is Caleb? He's an orca.

I'm gonna grab like an expensive looking candlestick and just drop it out the window on the orca. I'm very chubby. We need something heavier. I'm gonna jump out the window. That'll do it. On to him. Instantly transforms back into a human and both of us go into the water.

I have to do that more often. Caleb. Yeah. Can you turn us all into pirates so we can sneak up to the plank king? Of course I can. Just let me get my heads right. Where is everybody?

In the boat. Well, let's go. Caleb, can you get us back into the boat? It's the captain's quarters, Jesse. there's no rope. Die of the sheets. It's actually my captain's quarters, so there's definitely rope.

It's very nice, hemp, please don't get it wet. My light, there's rope. No, no, no, I have it, Blalbeiova, and he grabs her by the scruff and I cast fly high enough to just float the two of us up onto the deck of the ship

and land sopping wet. Poor Ford. I say, let's get disguised, load the cannons, and then either we take the caverns, or if we want to be a bit more direct, although it's us, so... Load the cannons, shoot the cannons, sink the ship? Yes, yes, that. Otherwise, we're just loading the cannons and leaving an empty ship. No one's going to shoot them.

They have to be shot! We have to shoot cannons. We will shoot the cannons in case something goes wrong. We can set them off. We'll set them off if we need to. Well, we want to attract the Plank King, right? So if there's just one ship that's ruined, not a big deal.

But if we shoot cannons into the other ships that are here at Port, and they're all sinking, that would attract the attention of, you know, what's his name? Wyatt. You had therapy. You're on a first name basis with the Plank King. Yeah, like it's weird or something, huh? Ford, it's okay.

Don't look at me. I can't. I need help with strategy. Caleb is just flying jester in like 20-foot circles, air-drying her while the deliberation happens. We'll unpack this later after we pack some cannons. Let's go. Let's go. I'm packing cannons.

All right. You go ahead and take the supplies there. The cannons are packed. The cannon balls are loaded. I'll say for the sake of this, go ahead and make a dexterity check for me, not. Just to load? Just to see how safety you do so without setting them off. Dexterity check.

Just add your dexterity modifier. Oh, boy. 12. That's okay. If it was under a 10, things would have gone badly. So you go ahead and load a number of the cannons with the help of your friends. They are ready to fire should you need to. Oh, we need to.

Is there any way I can convince you not to do this? Where's the nearest ship? Oh, it's maybe 25 feet to the next side over. What we're going to have to do first is I'm going to open up my liquor cabinet and just start pouring it on, I'm just going to get him. I'm going to make him look very drunk. Like, fuck a mermaid drunk. Fair.

Yeah, there we are. He's good and soaked. Should we, should Caleb turn us into pirate form first? So that we can just make a hasty get away? Oh, yeah. We need to be a little further from this before this canon. Well, we can look like we're running out the ship. Well, then we're the people who fire it.

Oh, good call. Thank you. The first rule of getting away is don't look guilty. Should we go to the other ship and fire those cannons first? I'm going to take... No, no, no. You guys go. I will fire the cannon. I'll be invisible, and then I'll leave the ship. Yeah, yeah. Let's not overcomplicate this.

Okay. I can always be able to... ships if we need to. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. But the cannons. Sure, one ship gets destroyed by cannons and then we do the other one, you know, the old fashion way. And, yeah. Oh, unfortunately, we do have one unfortunate witness we do need to deal with. Who's that?

The first mate. Oh. And I knocked him unconscious. He seems so nice, plus he has puppets. Hmm. Throw him overboard. Give him a chance, Kingsley. No, no. No, wait. Hold on, I got something for this. I was opening it up to the suggestion, so that's fair. Just wake him up.

All right. I slap him. Hello. Yasha breaks his jaw. He wakes up, uh, uh, my jaw. I am going to cast Modify Memory. Oh, you are beautiful. Yeah.

Wisdom save? Wisdom save of 19. That's going to be a natural. Oh, eight, that's a failure. I'm going to make him remember that Kingsley was never here, that Obie got super drunk and wanted to fire some cannons, and then when he said it was a bad idea, Obi knocked him out.

Okay, he's like grogly, like waking it up. You guys have a moment before he really notices you're all present. Yeah, no kill, just turning everybody into regular pilots. Everybody looks like a skank, and we're out. Are you casting a seeming? Yeah. Okay, got you. Seeming all over everybody.

You all... All right. I request to look like the famed legendary Captain Buttonbeard with buttons everywhere, including buttons for a beard. I know this about you. Okay.

Done. All right. So as you all leap off the docks and head towards the island itself proper, what path are you taking? Are you heading towards the undercrawl caverns or are you taking the stone stairs? Right.

Just who's going to be. just stay behind and set off the camera. Okay. So, Jess, are you stay behind when you've all taken some distance? Yeah, and I'm gonna, um, that is my cloak. You know, my thing that I can do, cloak of shadows. I can become invisible until the end of my next turn. Wait, one term?

I'm gonna be so upset. Yeah. Yeah, it's just enough for me to fire it and then leave. Six seconds? I'm really speedy. Wait, no, I look like a skank too, right? Sure. He's skanky is, yeah.

Okay, then I will fire the cannon, and then while still invisible, then I'll immediately dimension door and pop out next to everybody else. The cannon start firing, one by one. One by one. The nearby ship to the side, the dire promise merchant vessel Start splintering with the impacts of the cannon fire. You watch as flings begin to take on that ship immediately, and bells start ringing in the nearby watchtowers.

As other people begin rushing for the docks. Well, that is my too. Lanterns start lighting and rushing in towards the outside. Caleb starts chucking bolts of fire at the deck of the ship that we are on to light it up as well. Let's go. 10 to 15. Oh, the shit that we were on.

we're going to kill the... My ship? You're doing it to my ship. You all watch as Caleb unleases magical flame. He hasn't slept. Kingsley. Kingsley. If you want to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs.

Kingsley, you watch as the ship you fought so hard to acquire, to build a crew on, to set your stage here within the revelry in dark toe engulfed in flames. Would you say, that boat was family? What's my ship's name? I hate omelets.

Meanwhile, you all watch as other alarm bells start going off at the different watchtowers around the island, at the sounds of extreme violence and exploding ships on the exterior docks. A series of red arcane flares as shh, go up, and you watch.

as wherever we begin to scatter. In the throne roost, wild, plank king, you watch as two of your messengers rush inside, ah, sir, sir, there's been some sort of attack in the docks. One ship's completely in flames, the other seems to be sinking. I think we're under attack. What's your plan of action? What should we do? You think? Yes, sir, sorry, I just want to let you know. It was his idea! The one else, to see it? I was...

Sorry, sir. What could you do? I believe I have been given some foresight into who this may be. A muse of mine left her famous calling card. And send in the assassins. It'll be done, sir. I'll go ahead and reach out to Scardy and the night blades immediately. And they scatter off out of the throne roost itself. Back to you all.

What do you do with? Light blades? Boregaard, ah, I think we are going to need some accent work and I have been working on it. So to keep on the down low, how does this sound? Hey, Guy, I hear you are a real pirate. Can you tell me where the pirates hang? What do you think? It's good, right?

Honestly, you could be a voice actor. Ford stands there looking out at the other ship, sinking it up at the Plank Kings Hill, and he'll cast a crown of stars as seven moats start to circle around his head, and they're just a zoidrope of Ford proposing to Jester. Staring out. So are you taking the stone stairs, or are you taking the undercrawl caverns? I think the caverns might be the best way, because now, I imagine the stone stairs are now an absolute cluster.

Stone stairs are faster but more dangerous. Is that right, Matt? The stone stairs are faster, but you're exposed. Mind you, if you're just as pirates, you could hope for the best, but... There was this William Wallace guy who used bridge tactics when he was outnumbered to totally beat somebody that had more soldiers, so... Do you only know that because I told you? I thought so.

Bloody. But also caverns? I was very fair. It's not like I can absolutely We were here for half a day We were here for half a day You have more time The light of day has now passed beyond

And the night of self has taken you The rain grows a bit thicker What was once a drizzle turns into a proper downpour The stones across the entire island of Darktoe are now slick with rainwater Many lanterns shifting about As the island prepares itself for some sort of intruder Caverns. I think the caverns are the way to go

Because I heard that there were these two pirates named Burke and Hare. And they used to take people and use the caverns for all sorts of weird shit. Just say yes. Yes. Meanwhile, the throne roost. One of your allies, specifically, the delightful mage that you know well in love, known as Solon, says, ah, my liege, if this is the wife, if this is the one, one you're talking of.

Here's this stone, should you wish to try and gather where they might be. Espionage being the strength of our power and seat here. I see. So this is we're looking into the non-verbal communication. This is if you want to reach out to her verbally. I just can.

Yeah, you hold this button here. You're talking to this room. Okay. This is, well, I'm very old. Hold it out here though. Under here it's a very unflattering angle. It has to be right there. No, you put it on selfie more. Oh, can. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going up to my mind. Jesse, oh Jesse, where are you?

Oh, dreams are telling me you're getting closer. I'm saying all of this. Just try. You do hear her say that. What's you watching? Do you see any good shows then? It cuts off there. a couple of my ships on fire is what I'm watching, wondering if you may have had something to do,

such an act of betrayal. Oh, whoa. Are you here? What's going on? Holy fuck. So we're only getting jester side of this con. Correct. This is so good. I did call you. Yeah, I did. You know, I was just seeing what's up is all.

Sometimes, you know, it's late, and I just kind of go through all my contacts and see who's doing what. Putting a new meaning to booty, call. No, it's not. Bo, no. Sorry. At this moment, a series of glyphs across the island flicker. Bits of stone, you watch as different watchmen,

eyes on the right side of them begin to glow as prosthetic. runes are brought to life, and there's a wave of energy that apparates out there. I need you all to make wisdom saving throws, please. Oh, we have advantage. You do have advantage. And anyone within 10 feet of me gets plus five on their saving throw. I'll say, Beau and Jester will be the two closest to you. They'll cut that one.

Okay. 19? 19, all right. Jester. 33. Great. Kingsley. 22. Great. Yasha? 12. 12, got it. 23?

30. Great. Caleb. 29. 29. As the wave passes over you, without issue, Yasha and Veth, your illusions are dispelled. As you're rushing towards the Intercall City, you watch as a number of the running pirates that are rushing towards the scene. Crossbones, drawn, shining each other, turn and look and watch as now there is a massive blade-wielding, white-haired barbarian goddess.

And an equally gorgeous, if feral motherly figure. And they stop and say, Oh! It's for us! It's true us! Eat through this. Where? Where? Where? Where? How many? How many? How many? I mean, right now, you see about six figures

have noticed your approach. Kill him! Yeah. I will shoot my crossbow. Make an attack roll. All right. That's a two. Goes wide. But it's an Aorian security cannon, and if I miss, I get to roll again. Yeah, you do.

That's a five. Plus 13, 18. That actually still hits these grunts. One of them goes, they're attacking us, and just collapses on the ground. The others look dangerously, are terrified and back to the rest of you.

Looking at you, what do you do? I would like to rage. And I'm going to start swinging. Let's go. All right. Oh, that's really good. Okay. Fuck, 32.

32. Even knowing your base damage, you just rush up and carve one in half with one massive swipe. The other four, like, ah! Three and then start running towards the stone stair. Well, you know, fireball. Well, you know. Well, you know. Well, you know.

It's a 32. The rest of them go running towards the stone stare, before you hear and the charred remains of these pirates are left scattered across the stone, smoke smoldering up from them, other pirates turning to the sense of the explosion. You are definitely starting to make a rolling scene here. We cut back to the throne roost.

As two other guardians, the tower, I should, Plain King! Plague King! We know where they are! They're by the base of the stone stair before the under crawl. Where the fucking explosion was, by any chance? What is your job? Because right now, you're as good as a fucking window. So, and in fact, and I grab one of them and I chuck them out the window. I turn to the other and I go, next time, a bit more insight.

Absolutely blinking. It looks like they're traveling. There's two invaders, one lass with white hair and a big sword, and there's another smaller lass, very small lass, actually. And traveling with a number of other pirates, I think we have insiders who's guided them to you. What should we let down them? It'd be mutiny then.

Send in the dragon turtle. The rest of you, are you charging towards the stone stand? towards the stone stair, you're charging towards the... We're fucking leaving now! You don't know this. We were going to the undercarriage. Right, so you guys go rushing into the undercrawl. You hear a...

And a particular flare goes off, a bright silver flare that just kind of detonates in the air. I don't know what that means, do I? You do not? No, shit. But you all head into the city. You can see there's other two large slabs, and there are clusters of dozens and dozens and dozens

of structures of different sizes, some very ramshackle, some very well-made, Some look like they were parts of ships that were then hauled in here and then turned a whole structure out of It is a busy space even with the chaos happening at the docks There are still people just drinking and playing cards on the outskirts of these As we're running Ford Ford I think he knew it was me

I thought I was hitting on it It's just so weird Oh you do? So Yeah well now we're in this mess So you know We're gonna have to kill him Okay, whatever you want, honey.

As you're rushing into the chamber, Caleb, out of the corner of your eye, you see some cloaked movement, some shadows rapidly adjusting. You spin, and before you can even react to make an emotion, three cloaked figures strike out at the two no longer illusioned figures. Two attacks at you and one attack at you, Yasha. Fucking bring it. A light crossbow strike. That's going to be an 18 against you. Oh, my armor class is 19. That misses.

The second one also misses. This feels so good. Misses again, but they make two attacks, so that's going to miss you as well. God, they're rolling like dog shit. Yeah, that misses again. And against the Asha, a natural one. Never mind. Wow.

You watch as three cloaked figures, extremely well-trained assassins, under Scardy, jump out of the shadows and just biff it. So confidently, they're like, ha! And they go to run the other direction. Do you keep running or do you give chase? I give chase. All right.

So I'm going to ask you to, yeah, just go roll a couple of attack rolls for me. Okay. Dirty 20. 25. That's two attacks. So you carve up one of them in two strikes. and just tear one of the assassins into three separate pieces. Falls on each other assassins keep running. Anybody else doing anything?

I'll throw a dagger, since I never got to do that. Go for it. That'll be a 23 to hit. It sticks in, but it's not heavily damaging, but they take a dagger to the shoulder. They take a dagger to the shoulder, and then I'm just going to, hopefully that will slow them down enough

that I'm just going to run up to them and just put a straight stab in the back. And they pull themselves away from the dagger and keep running. Anybody else? I'll throw a firebolt if that's okay. Go for it. At the moment the dagger in its back? Yeah, I will finish that off.

If I can, that is a 15 plus. That is a 29 to hit. 29, that hits. Go ahead. I'm going to have to roll damage on this. This is just a rushing battle sequence. The fireball blasts him in the back. He takes a charred impact, but he's still running off.

Okay. The rest of you? I give chase. What's the distance? You have one that's been wounded by a firebolt and a dagger, one that hasn't been touched. And I'm saying right now you guys are keeping pace since you decided to chase them

as opposed to head into the under cabin. Going for the one that hasn't been touched. Go for it. A pop-ha-b-ha. That's going to be a 23 and a 19. 19. All right, both of those impacts. The one that you hit,

two heavy hits. You know, a strong hit, but he keeps running unless you want to try and do. Stunning stretch. Let's go. That's a natural eight. He seizes up his arms and muscles kind of of taut and is no longer moving.

There is only one, currently half-ooned assassin that is still giving a... Sacred flame. Let's go ahead and make a roll on that for a saving throw. Natural nine. Nope, that's a failure. He takes the blast. It's a heavy hit. He's almost down, but he's still rushing away. Awesome, one of the crowd of stars flying towards him.

Go ahead, well, on attack roll. That's an 11 plus 11. 22 to hit. 22 to hit. With that last hit, the last of Scardy's night blades scattered against the rock, the assassins put down in one rapid attempt to escape as they miserably failed. What would have been a really cool assassinate move with sneak attack damage for an auto-crit, but you know, that's just how it works sometimes.

Okay, okay. It's fine. However, in this distraction, as you now turn to start making your path into the underneath, the caverns underneath, trying your best to hide your two, I'll say disillusion figures because it's fun. We come back to the throne roost. So, more information, I promise. Yes.

Are you sure I needed? My assassins are very well trained. They have been treated since they were very young. State-of-the-art assassin, I'm sure. They killed our assassins. And this, this feels like a stupid question now that I say it out loud. But how long is this turtle going to take? Have I thought that? Look, we made our arrangement with him many, many years ago.

I don't know where he was sleeping. He's supposed to show up at some point. But you know the speed of a turtle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because it might be. But we know they're in the undercraw caverns. They're a bit exposed.

We do have... Caverns? Yeah. A place that giant turtle can definitely get in. Fuck, all right, okay. Oh! He wants us to mountaineer in a son of her socks. We're certain to hold up defensible positions along the stair above.

Yeah, aye. Right. That. And is... Is Gavin Cernelian. Is Gavin Cornelius still available? I can ask. Send him and send his boys. All right, all right. We'll get Cornelius going.

In the meantime, we'll mount the ballistas. Excellent. Get her all done. He rushes now? Sorry, but you're afraid, by the way. It's fine. More work acquaintances. We share the desk space, that's about it.

As he sheds a little tear. Turns away and exits the change. The rest of you are now weaving through the undercrawl. Are you just barreling through? You're trying to stealthily weave between the crowd. Are you heading towards the shadows? What do you plot? Caleb grabs Kingley by the arm and yanks him back on your feet. Listen to me. I know that you are angry at me for destroying your ship. But let me ask you a question. How attached are you to the throne room? Listen to me. Precisely. Have you seen that thing as fucking hideous, please? Do I hear this through the story? Unfortunately, no, it has to be activated for a short time.

I know it sounds bad, but we are laying a lot on the line for you, okay? And you can build a new throne and you can build a new room. It's got good bones. I think it would be fine with it. Good to know. What's our plan? I feel like things went a little tits up just now? Is there like a...

Is there somewhere, I think, where we actually might be able to take a moment to breathe? Is there a moment? Is there a in or a pub that we can just hide until it comes... I think we're kind of running and gunning. Yeah, I think so. Well, I'm asking, are you running and gunning through the city? Are you trying to stealthily quietly move through the city? This is like a five-star moment in GTA.

Yeah, very much so. I think we're booked out. You started by blowing up two ships, so. That's not on me. Do we want to keep running? Do we want, I think we go and we take the throne. Yeah. For mama!

Shock and awe. I'm not dead yet. Shock and awe. Which, as those words leave your lips, a volley of ballista shots as what you didn't notice in the second upper slab tier of the internal undercrawl city, there are a number of heavy ballistas mounted

at various watch points of the interior watchtowers that unleash upon your crew as you are. Now, still out in the open lantern light, rushing through. I need everybody to make a dexterity saving throw, please. If you're within 10 feet of me, you get plus 500 Hell yes. 28? Natural 20.

Yes. I think I have a, I have advantage on deck saves. Thanks. Alrighty. Yeah, I, uh, 24. 21. What was it? 21. 21?

19. 19. 29. 18. All right. 27 or whatever I said before. What did you say before? Natural Twent.

That's right. All right, the volleys go flying overhead without issue. The distance here seems to not be close. You hear, shit! And they all start rapidly reloading while you're still in sight. What do you do? Rod! Can we see that? Yes, you can see.

There's a whole bunch of them lined in the interior of the cavern, up above. So they're all over the place. They're not in one local place. Correct. This whole place is, it's built to be defensible in the cave. case of a seat like you're doing. They're just apparently really bad at it. What about where we are? Are we on like a stretch of land and we can run to cover in like 50 or 100 feet? You're about, you're rushing now towards this like the undercity itself and there's like

dozens of buildings all about, but there are also dozens of revelry figures that have been like hold up into places, doors are shut. They're starting to like get prepared for all sorts of approaching mercenary work. Is the fire coming from one side or all around us? The fire was coming from a full array of the chamber into it. I throw up... There's many different layers in the upper like the upper slab area where there's

I'd say probably about a dozen or so ballista that are mounted in different heights. Caleb throws up level five wall of force over our heads in a straight avenue toward the exit. Yeah. Okay. How wide is that?

Is 10 feet across I think? Ten feet pieces. Ten foot panels. So just out, like a low, like seven feet from the ground, so we all have to crouch, and it's over our heads. Okay. So with that, you all duck low. Watch the other ballista fire. He was just slamming into it and splintering off.

Large metal bolts just shrieking off and hitting nearby wood bits. One other pirators like, oh, get sheared by one of the own bolts that reflects off. It was like, oh, never mind. And then collapsed to the grass. You all get to the base of the bottom slab. and you kind of get to one of the shadows, and you can hear the sound of other pirates shouting. Everyone is kind of waiting for your move,

and the room just gets quiet for a second. What do you do? Hey, we think Dark Toe is kind of cool. Blinking sucks. Join us our mutiny! Beauregard! I would like you to make a persuasion check. Okay.

With disadvantage. Yeah. I want to remind you about fortune favor. Yes. I also, I have advantage on persuasion for some reason. Is that what it says? It says... For some reason. I've never seen that staff lock in my life. I don't know why. It doesn't matter. I'm gonna roll it.

It's probably a monk ability. Because that's probably a monkability. Okay. Uh, rolled a six and a nine. Nice. The real natural 20. Uh. It's funnier this way. I'm going to stick with it seven. So you have fortune's favor.

No. Great. Awesome. You instead hear, because you rushed into the cavern and all the ballista were facing the outer entry to the chamber, to this moment you are shouting this and you look up and you notice on the inside lip of the cavern top facing inside of it, There are about seven cannons affixed to the ceiling that are all aimed at your position as they all aim at your troop. I need you all to once again make dexterity saving throws. Wait, would this be considered a missile attack?

Absolutely. I'm going to deflect the fuck out of this cannonball. Yes. Please roundhouse kick a cannonball. All right. Wait, what are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing?

Dexterity saving throws. So everybody in that alco. 15? 17. 17. Uh, 21. 21. 10.

Do I still have it plus 5? 23. 19. 21. And you got one? 23. We'll get them. We'll get it.

I know. Good. Most of you jump out of the way, except for not in Yasha. Both of you, which makes sense, being the two that are not still on under full illusion are the immediate targets and kind of the signature runners of this ensemble, though the rest of you, your illusions are starting to be kind of also part of the mark.

Everyone, all of you leap out of the way, but the two of you can't quite get out in time as the cannonballs impact, splintering the nearby building, just leveling it to the ground. All the terrain around you is wrecked. Both you take 50 points of bludgeoning damage. No! As I rolled, a lot of tens and a nine,

and a seven and a four. That's crazy. Can I have that? using uncanny dodge? It was a dexterity saving throw, yeah. So, 25 to me. I'm raging. Yeah, even endless rage.

Yeah. So, yeah, so you take half damage. Great. Can I... Yeah. For deflect missiles, can I jump in front of the cannonball that came to my wife and send it the fuck back?

Can you do an overhead kick and shout Scott McHarmony while you do it? I'll explain during the break. Here's what I'll say. If you want to take the hit. Yeah. All right.

Go ahead. Well, we'll continue first. I want to know what I'm agreeing to. No, do you want to take the hit? No. No. You're both fighting for who takes the hit on this one. It's my wife.

I also have evasion. She said no. You take 25 points in damage. I'll take 25 points. All right. It's okay, I can take it. They're reloading the cannons. You are now pinned down.

The building you were using for cover and shadow has been obliterated, and both the ballistas above and the cannons that are facing you from the opposite side are reloading. What do you do? How far away is, like, the cave? You're inside the cave now. You've rushed into the entryway. There's about maybe, I'd say, about two roads over

with, like, different clusters of buildings in between before you get to the stairs and ladders that lead to the second slab, and then there's more city beyond that before you get to the ladders that lead to the exterior of the central section of the mountain climb. Wolf.

I can't drop my own disguise, can I? You have to ask Caleb to do it. Maybe I can talk to them. I will use Arcane Gate at sixth level to create a portal key and another one, 500 feet away up on that second tier

that we can then step through. Let's go. Cool. As this swirling opening of arcane energy itself, like surrounded with growing leaves and vines, a gift from the wild mother itself, seeing you all the safety, you all, one by one, rush through,

vanishing on their side. I'm gonna stop, I swear. Just as a second round of cannon fire blasts the location of the initial, and you hear the impact from behind, but you've all just crossed the threshold, no one takes any sort of dangerous hit. As you step beyond that,

you're just one short sprint away from three heavy ladders that climb up beyond the splintered rock. You can see there's like a part of the crevice where the mountain itself is kind of split in the center and you can see the basis of flickering light above. You hear the crack of thunder as the storm is slowly approaching. Where does this lead?

Does this lead just to the path on the outside of the mountain? Does this lead just to the path on the outside of the mountain? Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Well, the captain says the time for words is over. Take back what I said earlier. Don't do voiceover. We'll keep going.

You all rush on this side. Now the ballistas that have been reloaded, I'm going to say, if you're going for a sprint, I'm going to roll a perception check. If I roll a 20 or higher, they notice you through this arcane gate that just appeared, which is a glowing arcane. egress, but it's, well, that they can orient quickly enough to try and make one final volley

before you all climb up the ladders. So let's see what I get here. That is, nope, that's not going to do. Sometimes that's just how it falls for the GM, folks. You begin climbing the ladders rapidly. Oh, I guess I can pass without a trace on us. Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that doesn't sound like fun. No, that sounds super. That doesn't sound like fun at all. That would have helped. I forgot I had it. I'm sorry. Don't do that.

You have someone you need a message, I'm sure. Oh, my God. This bitchy side of you is kind of attractive. Are you jealous? Did I make you jealous? No. You all are climbing the ladders as you're shouting this over to each other. The ballastas are firing off to nearby stone.

They're just barely missing you by inches. chunks of rock and stone are kind of coming off the outside of the climbing interior of the caverns far back and you, as you're heading up the side, you can see like there are bits of rope that are affixed to the top of the ladders as they swing a little bit, the wind

kind of clacking against the stone wall, the back. You climb up higher and higher and you can see another flash of light and the storm itself is now thundering on the outside, and you can feel the rain now pelting you from above. One by one you all climb to the upper area, and you're now on the central area

of the stone stair on the outside of the mountain. There is a smaller cluster of buildings. What looks to be a number of logs that have been set aside, and there is a piece of construction on one large structure there where a crew that was working on it is nowhere to be seen. There are also other wash towers and other mounted defensible ballista and cannons all across this walkway. Now that you get a closer look, what would you like to do?

Should it make a distraction or something? Like what? I don't know. Can you turn into a dragon? No. No, I'm... No, I'm a rogue. You're not distracting you want.

Should we, should we summon a dragon? Can we do that? I will take out Star Razor, and I will carve a circle in the air, and from that I will cast major image as a giant white dragon appears up on the top of the cliffside. More shouts ring out on the side of the mountain.

Drive! I'm up at the tower. By the way. Five way. Yay! Okay. The series of cannons and ballista that were affixed somewhere along the pathway you were about to take, suddenly shift direction and begin firing off this illusion as it carries on.

In this moment of distraction, you all get advantage on your stealth checks. I'm going to cast a pass with a trace, too. Great, go for it. Let's go. That's a plus 10 to stealth? Yeah. All right, that's sneaky, sneaky. Do we? Yeah, roll twice.

Actually. Oh, no. Uh-oh. What level is cast out of past that trace? Oh, man, Matt, why are you doing this to me, man? It's a second level. You go to cast it, and the spell just barely leaves your fingertips before dissipating. And you kind of get confused, like the magic itself is unmade,

just as you spin and look at the rest of you, and suddenly the area is a bright flash of burning fire. as the nearby crew of Captain Cornelius' revelry mages was rushing down the side, discounters your spell, and all them together unleash one torrent of fireballs your entire troop. I need all of you to make four dexterity-saving throats.

Four? Four? Yes. Okay. So first round. Aye, yikes. First round. One in a time, we're doing these one fireball at a time. Okay, oh shit.

Four to say, do I have a? Oh, I'm gonna use my, should I use my luck already? Up to you. 24. 24. 24, you take 12 points of fire damage. 16. 16, you take 12 points of fire damage. Evasion.

You take no points of fire damage. No. Are you anything? All right. 24 evasion. Yeah, no damage. Dexterity saving throws, right? Yeah.

Um, 11. 11, you take 25 points of fire damage. Uh, 27. You take 12 points of fire damage, reduced by half. Yep, thank you. So you take six. Because I have, yeah, I'm... 18?

Oh, I'm, I have a ring of fire resistance. There you go. You take 12. 18, 12 points of fire damage. Okay. I have you ordered to the front here. round here. The second fireball, please. Oh, I didn't call for the first? I was in 18.

18, 12 points of fire damage? Yeah, I already went. Yeah, you're right. Cool. So then... Then 18 for the second. This one's going to be 15 points of fire damage. Same rule, 16 evasion. 16. Evasion, you take...

That's the... Yes, you're fine. Yeah. 19. 19. You take 15 points of fire damage. 15. 15? You just barely fail. That's going to be... 30 points of fire damage. But halved with evasion. Uncanny dodge, right?

That's from an attack against you, not a specific spell. Yeah, I know that, Matt. The 15 points of fire damage, Jester? One. Oh, no. 30 points of fire damage reduced to 15.

Kingsley? 22. 22. That's 15 reduced to... Hell yeah. Keeping it real, Chetney. So that would be 8 points of fire damage. Thank you.

Yasha? 19. You take 15 points of fire damage. Third fireball, let's all roll again. How many points did you say? That would have been 15. 50. Okay. Same whole.

Again, 16 evasion. Yeah, you're fine. Okay. A natural 20 for 22. All right, so you take 16 points of fire damage, Caleb. 24. 16 points of fire damage. Yasha.

Eight. 32 points of fire damage. Okay. That was... 18? 18. That's going to be 16 points of fire damage reduced to 8 because of your...

Natural ones. No! What's going on? 32 points of fire damage reduced to 16 because of your resistance. 24, evasion. No damage. And for the final fireball?

21. 21. That's going to take... 13 points of fire damage. Same for me. 17 points of fire damage. 24. No damage.

Oh, again. Sorry. It's the last one. Okay. Oh, that's great. 22. 17 points of fire damage. 27.

17 down to the B, 8 points of fire damage? 25. Oh, that's good. 25, yeah. So there's any 8 points of fire damage? 31 of 8. Yeah, you're fine.

A series of rapid fireballs explode and detonate all around you, and you see these four mage, rogue figures that all have their hands alight, and they all look down to the crowd of your troop walking out of the fire, like, da-da-da-da-da.

Some of you just untouched by it, and they go, ah, shit! And they just come running away. They're running towards, you can see upwards on the stair, there was like a portcullis along an archway that heads up towards the next tier. You can barely see the throne ruse

a little ways up that way. What do you all do? How far away are we? We're close to the throne room? How far? Well, no, I mean, like, they're heading in that direction. You're about halfway up the mountains. You still have hundreds of feet to get into it, and it's the winding wall. So they're running up into towards the movement.

They're heading that direction, yeah. Okay, let them go. Trust me. Trust me. Okay. We let them go. There's been a lot of fireballs, but all right. Let's keep moving.

Come on. Keep moving up. They go charging off, firing still going towards the dragon. Something in the waters below begins to stir. We come back to the throne roost. Plain King, so the mages are backing away. They should be here shortly to go ahead and mount another defense. We're being attacked by a white dragon.

And he points out the window and you see it going... Do I... Go ahead and make an investigation check for me. Just roll on it at your intelligence modified of that. Oh, my intelligence modifiers. No, it's not. That... Fuck, that's a big white dragon.

Oh, man. We are under siege, my king. Refocus the ballistas, I guess. Another volley! Another volley! He goes charging out into the night. The rain soaking him. Thunder's slamming the ground around.

I mean, visibly priority number one. Visibly priority. I go into my... You have a fucking dragon? Oh, what are you talking about? I'm just sitting here in Nicaranas. Did you see, why? Is there a dragon or something?

Who are you talking to now? Just to get down! The four mages have castes, and you watch as they go invisible and vanish from sight as they charge up past the porceles, which closes locking off the path where the rest of you were planning to step up. And now the stones, the ascent gets very, very precarious beyond the portcolis, where you see that gets thinner and thinner in winding up at a higher and higher incline.

And now with the rain coming down in heavy sheets, the stone climb itself is quite dangerous. Flashes of lightning and to spark around you. Is the portcullis, like, if we went through it, would it be easier? Could we get to the throne room? I mean, it's closed off the path upward. There's no other way. So the portcult is for the stairs, not for the actual cave at the top, not for the... Correct, yeah. You've emerged out onto this platform, and the pathway that leads to the throne roof is blocked by this port police.

Well, what if I pull out my paint? What do you want to do? I'm going to try to paint a hole in the portcullis. Okay, this is great. Hey, wait, somebody stand above me so that the water can hit it. How long does your illusion last? Checking, checking. 10 minutes.

Okay, good enough. I'm gonna, it's, you know, the portcoles, is it made of metal? It is. Okay, I don't have a whole lot of paint, so I'm not going to try to paint an entire huge hole. I'm going to try to paint like a bunch of rust along some of the bars

so that Yasha can just bust the rust up. So, you begin to paint. It is raining heavily, and the paint itself is now fighting with being washed away before the image is completed. I would like you to roll a performance check for me against a DC20

to see if you can complete your paint job. Now, any of you can help if you'd like to. I would like to help. I stole Bow's fan of wind many, many years ago. That's true. I gave it to you. Sure.

And I would like to fan away the rain. As fast as I can, just sort of create a bubble of dry. So that will give you advantage on this, Chester. So make a performance check for me. Okay. God, the weather here changes so quickly. And just fine here. It's just fine here a second ago.

It's raining and awful. Not too tiny, no. Roll me anything decently. He gets to see all this. This is been ridiculous. It's so devastating. This was three-bunquote. Keeping the wind at bay like one terribly designed,

kick-started umbrella many years ago. I promised it would. Jester, quickly, rapidly, with an element of your paints, the rust begins to take form in this once, extremely well-reinforced steel portcolista, clacked down, and barred entry as a defensible position further up the roost. Now looks withered, pock-marked,

and quite brittle with a heavy impact or two. I kick it. Make a strength check for me. Okay. You're still raging, so you have advantage. Yeah. All right, that's not terrible. Let's see.

Uh, oh, 23. A couple of heavy hits with your boot before, it bursts out like a cartoon out cut out. Burt. On the ground. Go! The slick steps lie before you. Jester, jester.

Um, I was surprisingly quick on my feet a moment ago, but I am also actually very badly burned. Oh, I didn't know. Yes, of course I'll heal you. Keep me alive until I can do my thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're super, super, super hurt? I'm going to hear.

kill you for 70 points. Oh. I thought you had a guy for that. Oh, it's fine. I have never known a better healer than you. Thank you, Caleb. That really, that means a lot. Tavis's face.

Somewhere in the world, Caduceus feels a muscle pull and... Oh, ow, oh, that's... I've really been working on it, so... Rushing up the stairs, I'd like you all to just make a dexterity saving throw. You, as a group, you need five successes on this because the slick stairway at this pace is extremely dangerous. You're within 10 feet, you get plus five or a protection.

I'll say for the purposes of this, you can pick two people to give this to. I already rolled, but that's... Yep, before anybody says, who do you pick? Oh, Jester and Bo. Okay. Do it. Do someone else. Too bad. Juster and Caleb.

Too bad. You can give it to me. Too late. We've got to give Matt something. Yeah. Oh, don't start pitying me. That's not how you want to start the second half of this game. Just throw away that 32 decks save, never mind.

That's fine. So 32 decks for you? Oh, no, you all get deck saves. It's just he only gets to give two of us. Sorry to this side. I am also mobile, so difficult terrain is easy for me. Yeah, so you're fine. Okay.

Sorry, don't monk shit. 14. 14, that's a failure. All right, Jester, what'd you get? 11. 11, that's two failures. If anybody else has failed, this is a failed skill check. What'd you get?

That's you. pointing at you. No, I got 32. You're fine, Yasha. So, I have mobile as well. Yeah. Difficult to read. Fine.

Then you're okay. Smooth. your role is ignore. It's an auto success in this. All right. All right. Ford, what you got? Well, I have mobile too, but it doesn't

fucking help in this situation. That's T-Mobile. Try it just. Be quiet. I rolled a 10. But you have mobile? When you have the mobile feet? Yeah. What's it said?

Your speed increases by 10 feet when you use the DAS action. Difficult, difficult terrain doesn't cost you extra movement on that turn. When you make a melee attack, You don't provoke opportunity attacks, that's all. Yeah. So, okay. So here's the thing. You are all dashing up these stairs, which is what makes them dangerous.

We are dead. So in that instance, I'll say the difficult terrain does not require you to have to make a dexterity saving this. So, yeah, you're fine. You got? Mobile. Yeah, you're fine. My ring of evasion turns the failure to a success. So thankfully, the stairs are not a danger.

But your approach that was Harold and, by the mages that fled upward means the top-line ballista or some defense has turned towards them as the mages rush into the tower and go, my king, there is a troop of them. Many rushing up this way.

They are immune to our magics, it seems. The dragon, while quite scary, just seems to be flying in a circle. Okay. Who? What would you like to use to defend the throne roost? Does he seem friendly? He just seems like he's watching.

Some dragons like to watch. We have the baliscus, we have the cannons, we also have the device. Are they within? How far away are they right now? Getting closer. Charge up the storm demon. Beeman. Just making the ship. As you all go rushing towards the throne roost,

you begin to notice a new addition to the top of this mountain. A flash of lightning off in the distance gives a brief silhouette to a strange brass-like contraption covered in wires and crystals that begin to spin up with a faint glow that gets

brighter and brighter as it adjusts and aims down in your direction. Oh. It charges with an immense crackle of arcane energy and unleashes towards your troop

as you get within a hundred feet of the throne roost. And we're going to go to break. We'll be back here shortly. We'll see you. Very soon. That's a wrap for part one of this podcast episode. Part two will land here this upcoming Tuesday

at 5 a.m. and we'll pick up this story right where we left off. Until next time, and we'll be back in this adventure before you know it.