Critical Role - Dispatch One-Shot

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

It’s just a regular Monday at the Burbank branch of the SDN until the efficiency experts show up. Game Master Jasmine Bhullar leads players Laura Bailey, Travis Willingham, Matthew Mercer, and Erin Yvette as they fight to stay employed in this Dispatch inspired one-shot using Daggerheart! CASTJasmine Bhullar - Game Master || @thatbronzegirlLaura Bailey - Barbara Honeycut || @laurabaileyvoMatthew Mercer - Damian Blackwell || @matthewmercervoTravis Willingham - Marti Green || @willingblamErin Yvette - Fritzy Mane || @erin_yvette CREDITSArt: Lap Pun Cheung || @lappuncheungGame Design Consulting: Rob Hebert || www.nerdypapergames.comGraphics: Aaron Monroy        Producer: Ashley MiddlebrookBrand Manager: Dekan Wheeler || @dekanwheeler BEACONWe’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord. YOUTUBE MEMBERS / TWITCH SUBSCRIBERSTwitch Subscribers and YouTube Members gain instant access to VODs of our shows, moderated live chats, and custom emojis & badges:https://www.youtube.com/criticalrole/https://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole Follow us!Website: https://www.critrole.com  Newsletter: https://critrole.com/newsletter  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/criticalroleTwitter: https://x.com/criticalroleInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/critical_roleTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@criticalrole  Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Biday Critters, Travis Willingham here, and welcome to the Critical Role Podcast Network. We are thrilled to have you here, and thank you for making us a part of your day. If you'd rather listen to the full episode right when it comes out and without any ads, please consider becoming a Beacon member. You'll receive access to exclusive content, discounts at all of our online Critical Role shops, exclusive pre-sales for live events, and much, much more. Start your seven-day free trial today at Beacon. Now that we've got that covered, let's go ahead and get this adventure rolling.

Hello and welcome to a very special one-shot in collaboration with our friends at Ad Hoc Studio and their new game, Dispatch. Dispatch is a superhero workplace comedy featuring voices from the likes of Aaron Paul, Laura Bailey, Travis Willingham, Matt Mercer, Aaron Yvette, and Jeffrey Wright. And I cannot emphasize enough how much fun it is. Episodes 1 through 4 are out now. Check out Bitley slash CR Dispatch to learn more. That said, while you may recognize the places and characters explored tonight as they are inspired by elements from Dispatch, we want to emphasize that the characters and events in this one shot are our own creations and are not official content from Dispatch. They're simply inspired by it. Thank you again to Ad Hoc Studio for letting us play in

the wonderful world you've built. Now, without further ado, let's get into the game. Monday morning in Los Angeles is especially brutal on the traffic choked streets of Burbank. And today is especially brutal because it's raining. We see a powder blue stanza parked in a cute residential neighborhood, and at the wheel, we see a very interesting fellow. Travis, will you join us at the table? Hi. And who are you playing today, Travis?

I am playing Marty Green. I take a lot of pride in this powder blue Santa. And also the custodial arts, which are not to be ever looked at any time. And if one were to look in through the driver's side window, what would they see? You would see an immaculate interior, also powder blue, cloth fabric interior, but I have a wheel cover that's bright pink covered in Chibi anime faces. She's five minutes late. She's always five minutes late. Laura, will you join us at the table? She has to be first on the route. She likes shotgun.

Good morning. Good morning. How are you on this fine, sunshiney day? Just fucking drive, hon. Okay. The car doesn't start immediately. Yeah, sorry. Clutch is, it sticks low.

There's a tray. It's fine. As you tap your cigarette out the window. cigarette out the window. Barbara, what vision, what beautiful vision descended from the heavens would a passerby met with? Barbara Honeycutt, ex beauty queen. I would argue current. Beehive, golden suit. She looks like she's seen some better days, but she's still a looker, don't you fucking mistake that? And, uh, yeah, she's, You got bees everywhere. Bees all of her.

They fly around her all the time. They fly around your face. Get back in here. And they fly back into her beehive. Let's roll up the window. Marty, as your car gives out an alarming squeak, you've really got to get that checked out. You are able to joltingly pull your way out of this cute suburban neighborhood into a slightly more downtown locale to pick up the intern you've

taken under your wing at the Burbank branch of SDN. I'm sorry, I might smell like a wet dog. It's just rain and my hair doesn't play so well. No, it's totally fine. Yeah. Morning. Morning. Morning.

I reach an eye purse and I hand back a brush. Oh, thank you. It normally takes me about an hour and a half to get through it all, but I'll try to go faster this time. And what would somebody walking their dog in this, in front of this dilapidated apartment building see as poor Fritzie tries to tame the mop? Oh, well, you'd see a mop, a mop of hair, because Fritzie's all hair. Fritzie is four feet of hair and she's got cute highlights to kind of you know give some definition to the blob and she likes to part to show her her right eye a little bit

because girls got to see it is it a side part or a middle part it's very important not a real part it's it's a manually created parting that likes to kind of come back and it's a lot of the Disney princess you know over and over yeah oh but oh but she doesn't wear clothes she doesn't have to she wouldn't be like naked if she wasn't wearing clothes because the hair covers everything you have your you wear your modesty all the time yeah but it's just everyone else wears clothes it'd be weird if I didn't you know yeah Fritzie gets into the car a little puff of static kind of erupts from the seat as she does so the rain creates a sort of frizz

situation that kind of conduct creates an electric cloud of its own and you pull away from in front of this ill-maintained department building to a much much more posh neighborhood your car doesn't even make it up the drive before it stopped by the security guard who takes one look at it and I'm sorry I'm here to pick up mr visitor pass yeah it's around here we're here every day don't you remember us hello hey honey mr. Davey a black hole he could have kind of blush a little oh good morning ma'am how are you doing today as ever a vision you're here for the Mr. Blackwell.

Yeah, I do recall you being on his visitor list. Yeah, I'll bless you. What's you doing later, honey? I'm going wherever you're going. I'll give you a call. He makes it look so easy. I don't understand that interaction at all. Get driving.

Oh, sorry. You hear screeching wheels and a whining engine pull into your driveway, Mr. Blackwell. Mm-mm. And it's raining, isn't it? It is. How you watch is the red-caped and well-dressed branch manager, waiting at his front door. sigh heavily at the approach of such a disappointing vehicle as he waves his hand and the rain subsides and he walks halfway there before it continues and drenches

them immediately. Good morning, Mr. Blackwell. Please dry. You got it, sir. Pardon might mean. I really need to get my charge. I really need to get my Charge are fixed. It's always an interesting day when it's Marty's turn to drive the carpool that you have all agreed to, somewhat under duress. The parking situation at the Burbank SDN leaves much to be desired. Unfortunately, either by demotion being transferred or maybe you're new in this industry, this is the branch that you all have ended up in. Your job is a simple one, but one that comes with a very great cost, the cost of the safety of Burbank for you work for the Superhero Dispatch Network.

I'm sorry. Yes. And Burbank's well-being is in your hands, in your hands alone, Travis. For without you, the buses would run on time, but the superheroes would not. A resource in short supply and in great demand. Mr. Blackwell, I hope the HOV lane is to your liking this morning. Very premier level. It's interesting how car pulling somehow is slower than not.

You watch as he, like, brushes aside his kind of ratty comb over from his. is rather thick but well-kept a mustache and glances into the side view mirror for a moment before going, just ensure we can get there in time to find parking in Burbank. Of course, I can go faster if you need to. I drop into a lower gear and just,

you hear it wheeh! There's a little speed increase, but it sounds like it's gonna explode. I stick my head out the window to dry my hair. As you do it. A massive belching cloud of black smoke comes out of the back of the powder blue stanza, leaving a gentle dusting of dry shampoo on your locks.

I can work with this. Coffee clutched in weary hands. Our characters must now embark upon their first challenge, the morning commute. Oh, shit, oh no. You thought I was joking. Hitting us with a dragon out the gate. You thought I was fucking kidding.

It's all right, I was forcing the fires. Allow me to move to my dagger heart environmental stat block that I made. Especially for this game. For the commute. It's called bumper to bumper. Oh, my God. You now have to make it across the freeway. We can do it, I believe, enough.

do it, I believe in us. As you sort of take the, you know, take your right turn to get onto the on-ramp, Marty. You come to a standstill just as it's time for you to enter the flow of traffic and much to your chagrin, no one lets you in. Oh, blinker. Hey, let me in.

Sorry, I get a little aggravated. and clearly there's an indicator sign that was built by the car manufacturer to let you in. Marty just forced your way in. Force your way in, they're never gonna let you in if you don't just force it. I have an idea. I open the door and I step out of the car

and just Marty's head turns into a red demon and goes, Lobby! Strengths back down and I close the door. Yeah, give me a, we'll call this presence. Give me your presence roll. It's a present trail. It's a nine with, oh, eight with, it's a nine with hope.

A nine with hope. Not quite enough. Yeah. As you enlarge your head into a demon-like shape and threatened to be let in, you're met with a middle finger and a shaking fist. This is a hard city. All right. My turn. I'm going to look back and a huge swarm of bees is going to start to fly out of my hair. And I'm going to make an apiarian cloud behind me.

And it's going to, I want to cause a fog, basically, behind the next car so that we can get in. So it'll obstruct their picture. Yeah. I like this. So I need to make a presence roll. Yes. and see if I can actually cast this. I can add, right? That's 12.

Plus two, 14, I need at 13. Bees! Listen, the only unfortunate thing is, I didn't fully read this. It gathers in a stationary area within very close rage. Very close rage. Have we done a wicker man in the car? Do you have any idea that she's trying? Ah!

She's wrapping the hair around my body tightly. Such as bees in the car. I could have gotten out. The manual window. Stuck! I can't do it! Oh, the window! Open the window.

Open the window. Is it all muttered to the eyes of Damien Blackwell, once known as Mr. Mephisto, they darken over as he attempts to conjure using his minor illusion ability, the look of flashing red and blue lights atop the vehicle, as well as shouting out the window. Ooh!

Ooh! That was that out to go? That was good. Woo-whoop. Ah-uh. Wee-woo, we-woo. It's an instinct roll. All right.

That is going to be a 14 with hope, which is a success on the minor illusion. Very good. Oh, shit. Mine was with fear. I didn't tell you that. Oh, that's okay. That's okay.

Let me adjust my count down here. countdown here. This helps you greatly. People are not surprised that you have a siren on your car with the B situation happening inside. Most people assume this is a pretty dire emergency. A good meaning, a well-meaning, I should say Samaritan does sort of let you pull in in front of them as the car in front of them lurches forward. They kind of wave you in. Not Not everybody is so nice, but you do see a couple of cars kind of shift in and out of the way to accommodate the red and blue flashing lights. Are you trying to specifically look like police or just an emergency vehicle? I'd say in this state, looking at the type of vehicle is currently riding within an emergency vehicle is more likely.

Right. Yeah, people are a little bit more sympathetic to that, so the cars kind of peel. out of the way, especially Marty's screeching definitely, pushes it over the top. Stay in the first gear. Wee. I have a long shot to try and help with the bee situation. Yeah. So I got the hair full of smog, right?

And smoke calms bees. Can I do a little shake to re-manifest that smoke? Absolutely. Give me a finesse roll. Okay. Okay, so it's 14 with fear. 14 with fear. Speaking of, I should start tracking these.

Let's get rid of these small ones and get some big fear. Oh, yeah, I love it. It matches my steering wheel cover. My Sailor Moon's steering over. You are successfully able to calm down the bees. The smoke from your hair kind of gets them to to settle, they lay themselves down, kind of in a sleepy sort of position

on your shoulders, on the car seats, on any surface that they can in your powder blue stanza. They're nice, that's what I've been telling you. That's very helpful. You're cute. Staged by the intern, Barbara. Keep driving. You get to work five minutes late.

And unfortunately, at the Burbank SDN, that is very, very looked down upon. You are able to find a spot underneath that one tree that happens to always drip sap all over your car. But it is an open spot. You're able to just fit the stanza in, the wheels kind of scraping against the rough curb as you do so.

It's always so hard to judge these things, especially when your car is full of bees. Sleeping. Taking a nap. Get back in here, y'all. Get wake up. and you make your way into this sort of business park with a very nondescript looking building with very sad windows with a pale fluorescent light that kind of

greets you as you come in you smell you smell that's been recycled through the same HVAC system that's never been cleaned forever that that low pile carpet that that kind of scrapes against your shoes as you come in. As you turn the handle to open that front door, it shocks you just a little bit. And you are once again embraced into the despair that is your nine to five. Somebody coffee stains.

I really have to work on these. As you come in, you hear him before you see him. The young sales rep with the shining smile, You know him as Owen, Owen Rook, and you hear his voice come floating to you through the barely cracked open door as he goes, somebody's got a case of the Mondays. You guys are rolling in late today. Hello, B team. Hello, B team. Get it? Oh, late, late, late, late, late. Good morning, Ed.

Huh? Good morning. Good morning, Mr. Blackwell. Blackwell. Are the clocks here digital or are they analog? Analogue. I wanna summon a drone base. At a very close range?

Nope, no, listen. I'm gonna have a cloud of bees escape from my hair. It's trickle down and they're gonna fly up to the clock and scoot it on back. So it looks like we got here on time. I would love to see you try that. This is very ambitious. It's far range.

I don't even have to roll for this. They just come on out and do shit. Okay. But I'm sure maybe like to do it undetectable. Yeah, yeah. We're definitely going to need to, there's going to be a stealth aspect here. Which of your senses do you think this would hone in on or your experiences? Vanessa, maybe. Yeah. I could use my office manager experience. You've probably done this before. If you want to spend a hope, I would actually say you pull this off without even rolling.

You've probably, this is probably like a maneuver that you've done. Yeah, I'll do it. All right. Goodbye, hope. You send out a thin stream of bees. They know their way into the back of the clock. They gently push it. His back is turned to you. How do you keep his attention on you

while this is happening behind him? Or rather, the clock is behind him. How do you keep his attention on you while your bees go behind and move at that? Oh, and is that a new shirt you're wearing? I think I've had this for like years, Barbara. I don't remember ever seeing it on. that color's becoming oh I don't think you've ever paid me a compliment before

you're looking so swell today I just couldn't help it hmm you see over his shoulder the bees have finished their little maneuver oh wait I have seen that shirt it looks like shit oh and we're here on time just like we always are I don't know what you're talking about I head to my office He whips around to check the clock, notices that it is indeed 8 a.m. in the morning, and kind of looks in his own coffee cup and gives it a sniff.

What? And then he checks his Apple Watch. I'm telling you, that clock's running slow, you hear as he starts to walk down the hall. That was very impressive. Get to work, Marty. Sorry, yes, right away. Fruitsy?

Yeah. I need that hairbrush back. Oh, I'm so sorry. Clean it out before you give it to me. Okay. One of your assistants comes clipping up to you, Barbara. What do we have on the agenda today, ma'am? Order some new supplies.

Okay, I could probably do that. it's even like just the usual yeah but paper and stuff yeah we go through a lot of paper which is stupid with all the digital stuff happening lately well I feel like everybody wants hard copies of everything I don't really get it but it doesn't make any sense it would you like for me to walk you to your office I got oh I want to coffee okay thank you how would you like your coffee how would you like your coffee black just from like the drip from like the from the break room yeah okay yeah I'll bring you a cup

there's anything else you'd like to have me handle today you've got a meeting with well we have a morning stand-up that Valerie would like for you to have the entire team present for if you could just assemble them or I can do it for you if you'd like yeah you can do it thank you okay that's gonna be in the big board room uh i hear it's a pretty serious affair what's about well i've had the downsizing and they're potentially talking about shutting down this branch of the operation really who who's who who's well i just i just did i just over here that well i was in the bathroom and i had a burrito that didn't quite sit right. I was just sat in there

for like forever and while I was in there I heard Valerie talking to well they brought in a consultant there's like there's like this guy from India whatever and I guess he used to work here like 30 years ago

and then he like retired and then like they've brought him back in but like he's like I don't want to work here but they're like trying to like get him to like come on board or whatever and they came into the bathroom and they came into the bathroom and he was over here like oh I'm going to change things up I help build this company

it's not going to fold on my watch or whatever and then she was like oh not I was gunning for this position I've been working for this this is like so unfair and then he says something he says something and then she said something and then I guess like there's these like consultants and they did they're doing a report and that like on Wednesday, they're gonna either, like, fire a bunch of people, maybe. Maybe they're gonna sack them. I think that's what you,

actually you guys don't say that. They go fire them, and then they're, maybe they're gonna shut the whole thing down. Let's go, let's go. Get diamond in here. Get diamond in here. Which one is that in your posse? I'll go get him.

Mr. Blackwell. Are you taking drink orders, I'd like a strawberry. Ice latte. Pumsa vanilla. Diamond! Yes. Get in here.

Very well. Would you, do you want me to leave you alone? Should I close you? You want me on this side of the door? The other. Lizzie Sprout shuts the blinds. She has mold where there should be a curtain of hair, and it kind of leaves a gentle dusting of spores as she walks around your office.

You can leave. What's her? Lizzie Sprout. So you want me on the other side of the door then? Just for now. Okay. I'm in the room too. Oh, where did you come from?

I know, sometimes people think I'm a coat rack. Oh. I thought perhaps you were like a very strange Christmas tree. Do you think because I'm an unpaid intern, my job might still go away? Probably. Were you here the whole time? Oh yeah.

I was cleaning the hair out. I've got something else lined up. You should, too. I would never do this job for free. I do everything you do, but I get money from her. This is my dream. Ew. I wouldn't take it too personally.

Interns, as part of the nature of your business, is to be shrugged off in times of change. Oh no, I plan on climbing the corporate ladder. Right. What is it you required, Barbara? Perhaps we should discuss this as adults. Oh, office. Office.

Okay. Right. You want me to remove her? Okay, come along now, little one. There you are, come on. Two pumps of vanilla. We've got to get Mr. Blackwell a coffee, and she gently ushers her out of the room.

Wait, do I know, does that, did that spring any memories, the way you were describing the consultant? 30 years past and. It definitely did. You know of a very, special superhero that can conjure six spectral arms, one super smile, and an acumen that can see the future and the past. He knows all, for he is annoying. She is surely talking

about kavi hexa-duper-um. Kvri? Mm-hmm, kavi, for short. Dupram? Mm-hmm. left to, he left behind the world of material riches for spiritual riches and went to India, but he might be back. He is just the kind of consultant that they would bring in to potentially reprise a role here. Yeah, makes sense. Barbara, you look a bit harried. Is there something that your branch manager could do to help alleviate your stress?

We might be getting sacked. What? What? be shutting down this whole branch. You might be out of luck. Out on the street, Damien. The doctor goes against the door, and looks outside. What did you mean? What he was talking about it?

What did you hear? Who knows this? Lizzie was just talking about how she was taking a big old shit in the bathroom, and people came in, and she overheard him. And they were talking about how a consultant was coming back in who used to be here 30 years ago. Does Govy Dubrom ring any bells? Do I also, am I aware of Govee's history?

An old rival of yours from your super villain days. A master of the arcane and mystical arts. What was Govy's superhero title? Actually, I have it here somewhere. Spectra. Spectra. It will be. I'm not, I'm having, I need to sit down, I need to stand.

Shit, take a seat. He's having a panic attack instead. You know he can see the future. I know. He can see the past. You know this place is a dog shit pile. Of course you're going to close us down. Marty, yeah.

Marty, not now, Marty. What is that, that? Marty, get out there by Fritzie's desk. You know she sheds everywhere anyway. I already hate it once this morning. You want one more? Heat it again. You got it.

Wait, wait, Marty, Molly, Mom. I closed the door behind Marty. You've been a fine employee, Marty, haven't you? You've done such a grand job of doing as you're told, of being a fine, upstanding member of our dispatch unit, correct? Yes, Mr. Blackwell. Trustworthy, immensely. Good. We need to keep our allies close.

We need to see who we can trust and who we cannot within this office, if indeed spectra, is to come within the very bosom of our company's safe space. You're right. You're right. We need to stick together. We need all of us. Get out there. Get Fritzy. Get Lizzie. Who else's do we like here?

Is there anybody? You have an assistant. Melody, right? Mm-hmm. Good melody as well. Melody. Sorry, Gomer Powell was on a second ago when I can shake it.

As you walk out, he's so very odd. Weird. So weird. So weird. There's something about in my light that I can't explain it. Oh, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, we've been through, we've been through worse, we've been, we've been through a series of small scenarios that I think if you combine them, would be the equivalent of one such day, big thing like this before. I think we are also very accomplished.

Some of us have done some things. We got to make sure that we look like we're successful when they come in. Yes. Yes. I have your strawberry latte with two sh- two pumps of vanilla, Mr. Blackwell. Can I come in?

You may enter frizzy. It's fritzy, but it's okay. Right. It's frizzy today. Oh, that's true. Lizzie follows after her, and so does your own assistant melody, fetched by Marty. You are in your sort of cramped office, Barbara. Yours is a little bit smaller than Mr. Blackwell's, but it is also a little bit more secure.

There's fewer eyes that kind of fall on this part of your fluorescent piece of paradise. And as you pull down the blinds, you have a moment to confer amongst yourselves. They're going to shut us down. Well, they might be shutting us down. Sorry, Marty. I know you rely so much on this position. Who's shutting us down? They couldn't possibly.

It's an institution. Yeah. Right? Did you mention a spectra? Spectra. You remember Spectra. A super villain, former? No, he's a hero.

Oh, I have to update my file. Although some might say he's a villain. never really like that guy. Perspective scenario, really. Well, if he's a hero, then he must be a good guy. Does he look like this? I'll go, and six arms come out. And I'll return to my side.

Yeah, that's him. That's him. Melody comes and stands quietly next to you, kind of like almost shoulder to shoulder back to back and says, what do you think? You think they're really gonna shut us down, Boss. Melody, I do believe they can try. However, we're a well-oiled machine here at the Burbank office. And I think with a bit of faith, a bit of spit and grittle, I think not only can we keep

ourselves afloat, but perhaps we can embarrass Spectra once and for all. Yes. Maybe cut it down on the twiddling of your thumbs. Well, it's old habit when I get the cat. caffeine in me. Sorry. We do need to do that, though. We should fight some crime. We should take care of some shit. You know, we've been really bad about making sure that crime hasn't been happening lately.

Right, we are a bit behind on a number of calls. That's your fault. No, I am the branch manager. It is the responsibility of my employees to be better at their job. Well, you know, boss, from the way Lizzie tells it, They're either going to shut us down or they're going to lay people off.

What if we push them more towards Part B and then we can get rid of all of the people here that we don't like. Ooh. To cultivate and sculpt. We can get rid of Owen first. Yeah, I don't like Owen. Can you use the NAS hat?

Owen. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So what's our strategy going into this stand-up meeting? Perhaps we... What if we blame it all on... Bees? You're in my office.

I can hear you. Well, I'm just... Wow. Just saying some of it, the wasteful spending, half of our budget goes to paper. I can't help. I can't help. You're not.

the one that likes to write so many post-it notes. Listen, it is not my fault if we're spending money here, all right? She's shedding everywhere. I've got to get new vacuums every five days. I just like the way they sound. I can try braiding it. Wait. You should try braiding it, you know? Why haven't you ever done that? It takes a long time. Melody, do we have collected the past six months of expense reports internally? No, but I'm sure I'm I could put it together. See, his face goes paler. Collect and bring those post-aste to ensure

that we can correct them to facilitate an extremely beneficial looking, an exuberant definition of our expertise and capability. And to remove a few line items, that could be questionable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can also show how we derive other lines of revenue in the company. I've been starting up my custodial A-S-M-R channel,

where it's got 13 followers, but I think with a little amplification, a little organic. Owen and Marty. Sorry, Marty. People go to sleep to it. The tingles. Right, appreciate that.

You're such a loyal boy. I worked in corporate accounts payable for a long time, well, three days before they transferred me to a different apartment. But I can go get those records. too to see who our biggest corporate clients are. Do you have access to you? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.

I've been in 14 different departments in the last nine months as an intern, and they never remember to revoke my access. You are such a fine example of an up-and-coming talent here. Thank you. Do you think I can get paid? That can be discussed.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll talk to HR. Great. We've been complying. filing your reports. And let's just say that your capability in offering your knowledge, skills, connections,

and access to such documentation would greatly reflect on your future at the company. Oh my gosh, I'm putting that on my LinkedIn profile. I'm gonna start cleaning up my office a little. Just shoving the, yeah, yeah. I'm mad of a job. Not yet, Martin. Thank you.

Not yet. Hey, Marty. You just keep your chin up, you know. You're so good at the streak-free windows. Vax up! Besides, you're like an icon. Like my little niece, she's got a little guy that looks like you, and she's like, oh, I love that guy.

My setamorph days. Oh, gee. Yeah, you're like from like the animated series. That's like classic stuff. Honestly, this job's beneath you, Morty. Thank you. It's very kind. They said I had a hard time establishing a character voice

and holding it. But those days are kind of behind me now. After all, I do like serving quite a bit. And it's really nice seeing what everyone on this planet does in their spare time. You do serve well. Marty, and this day, this very day has an opportunity for you to rise above your station and prove your worth. Today is the day that you can prove that you're not going back to managing that American Eagle.

No matter what they do, they can't send you back there, all right? That will never happen again. Sad days. Mr. Blackwell, I will help however I can. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Those are their spores. Do we know how soon we're supposed to have outsiders arrive? Well, I'm assuming they're gonna probably introduce them

at the morning stand up. Which is, you know, like 30 minutes. More like 13. I'll go to the floor with accounts payable. Maybe I can get out on the floor, Just see what I can hear. Oh, any, speak, stealthy. I should go.

I'll pull up all of our successful missions and make sure that the paperwork is out for that, so that's the first thing they see. Perhaps we might be able to call back if it's not cornynious, one of our finer B-B-plus teams and see if we can do a meet and greet as well. Good idea. I'll freshen up, and he's going to use his minor illusion

to make his mustache a little thicker, his hair a little fuller, and his skin a little less sweaty. So you would all like to juge for the morning stand-up as much as you can. Let's go ahead and do a group role. Who wants to take the lead on this? I mean, you're gonna have a little zoos, yeah. All right, sure.

All right. So you'll be our main roller. You'll get a plus one bonus for each role that is successful from your party. And now you'll just narrate how you all help, which you kind of already did. So I think you said you were going to clean my office and call some people that like our biggest names in the superhero network and try to get him into the office. Oh, on your team. So that, you know, so that it looks like we're important,

we keep important people around us. High caliber SDNs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so this will be, we'll kick it off with a presence role from you, along with any experiences you think would play into this. Am I, am I, based on everybody else's role, or is this?

Yeah, you'll get a bonus for everyone who is able to successfully help you here. Okay, all right. So how would you like to help, Marty? Can I use one of my experiences? You'll be a janitor. And I go around and just try and tidy everything up, but also I'm just constantly going around and listening

for anything we can steal and claim as our own. Yeah, go ahead and give me an instinct role, and you can definitely add your experience. Double ones, baby! A crit. Fantastic. Doesn't not be as a reaction roll. Too bad.

So that's a plus one. How would you like to help? Hmm. Interesting. I'd say using my shadow we have a subclass feature. I'll walk about the grounds of the space with the meetings to take place, and I'll use, I'll spend a hope to add a plus two to this role, to make some of the exterior halogen lights to darken, to give it almost a more intense brutalist feel that I feel exudes an atmosphere of professionalism.

Yeah, yeah. Some mood lighting. Exactly. That's what a sorcerer does. That's terrible. That's gonna be a 10. A 10. Yeah, not quite enough.

Oh, it's a reaction. Fuck. Yeah, as you adjust the lighting for the mood, you notice people kind of relax at work and get a little bit more sleepy and lackadaisical. No, no, no, no, more now. That's all supposed to be them. You too?

Start yawning, being like, I really like this mood lighting. I don't know why we had those bright halogens on. I, how I dress my bedroom. Yeah, I'm sneaking down, super sneaky to corporate accounts payable. And I want to poll Owens. sales records and change the name of the sales person to all three of them mr. Green's done some good work on the sales front they're all moonlighting as sales people turns out yeah I mean this could be finesse to see if you can get away

with it okay you got this it's 18 with Hope. Oh, yes. Very good. Right. So, yeah, you're able to get down there. You're able to acquire the file. I think that modifying it and putting it back will have to be like a second action.

But I think you can glean some important information here if you take some time to like look over Owen's numbers. Wow, we have the Empire Shopping area as a client. That's huge. Well, that's a really big, that's lots of big box stores. box stores I think I think if we can get our names on that one that's pretty juicy. A Walmart and aloes? Oh, crazy. Demographics. Keep our heads in the clouds, please. All right so I think this gives you a plus one because I think the plus one gets canceled out by the minus one. Oh right. Got it. Okay so plus one

and I'm going to use my experience of seen it all oh yeah to call up all my my buddies that owe me favors okay and what oh what am I is this a presence yeah yeah you're trying to convince them to kind of come in and look important today okay um yeah that's 22 24 27 28 oh smokes Yeah, I'll call that a success with fear. They're going to show up, but you're going to go on one. All right. You're able to bring in the A team off the street.

Lightly misted with rain, fresh from a hard day of work, they look good. Normally they would hit the showers, but they don't because you told them not to. So they look like they've been working hard. shiny latex rippling muscles a little bit of smoke and grime

right where you need it the A team comes in lines up and pretends to be pretends to be sort of like staging for a call when you come in they're sort of on ice right now

so they're just like pretending that like they're getting their kit together so that when the consultants come in they're just posted up in a perfect picture Right at the entrance. It's like a Baywatch episode. Melody,

make sure the team has access to all the powdered donuts at the kitchen. You're delightfully mischievous, boss. You go into the boardroom and wait for the stand-up meeting to begin. Oh, yeah. I forgot. I get a fear, because you rolled with me here. Oh, shit. That's another one.

Fritzie, how to go. It went really well. I found out we have some very big, lucrative clients that make us a decent amount of money. They don't call very often. But, you know, maybe if we can attribute that success to us, we'll have a little bit more, you know, staying power here. Mundress, hold on to that information,

and when you're called upon, be prepared to prove your quality. The door slams open. As it does, you see the drywall crack. And you see the regional manager of SDN, Valerie Halliday, walk in. Halliday, Valerie Holliday. She is all thighs and all traps. Formerly known as Shield Maiden, she is an immortal warrior queen. And she wants nothing more than to be the chief growth officer, a position that has just opened up.

As she comes in, the lights feel like they get a little bit darker. She's glowering, she's angry, and like worse than all of that. She smells really good, like Chanel number five and espresso. So. We double whammy. So I suppose you've heard the news, maggots. Yes, Miss Halliday. We were aware of you stopping by.

This branch can't shut down. I've put in too much work for it to shut down. So you have two days to turn the operation around. Because if my branch gets shut down, Getting fired will be the least of your problems. Well, what do you want us to do? Well, these goddamn consultants are going to be here in eight freaking minutes. So we gotta cut the fat.

I'm not letting that six-armed freak come in and take the job I've been working for for two years. Thank you. And if I go down, you go down. Because I'm your reference. I know. What? Valerie, we just got to find the people around here that we can cut the fat with. It's not going to be easy. Get rid of Owen.

Owen's our top seller. No, he's a shithead. He probably ruins the sales for everybody else. I think he does it on purpose. Well, the numbers don't really lie. I don't know. We got numbers right here that say it's all us. Yeah, these numbers say that, um, Mrs. Hunter.

Honeycut got this big client. Did you wanna see the proof? Or just take my word for it. Give me a presents roll. I'm going to spend a help. To help, to help, oh my going, by going. And as you know, the upper northwest of the San Fernando Valley has been

a necessary acquisition for some time. they're pushing into possibly Panorama City. It's a cesspool over there of crime. Oh no. Oh no. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Wait, wait, yeah. Wait, wait.

We got the help action, right? Do, I added a five to whatever it was. Okay, so add a five. Um, okay. What's for rest? Wait, are you impressing or persuading? I think deceiving. Oh shit, I can't even do that anyway.

It's for somebody that's for myself. So it's, well, okay, so it's three, but minus that. I'm gonna use, I'm gonna use, uh, from my domain cards. You got this, buddy. Once per rest, after an ally, attempts an action roll, but before the consequences take a place, you can offer assistance rewards of support when you do your ally can re-roll their dice.

There you go. Okay, wait, there you go. Wait, before you do that, I'm gonna, um, I'm gonna mind meld with everyone here, and I'm gonna give everybody a focus die so you can add a D6 to your roll. Wow, you can do this, Frizzy. Fritzie.

Oh my god, she got my name right! Fritzie is actually quite the asset around here is really the glue that keeps things together, and I think an under-recognized talent that might lead to some additional revenue for the company in the future? You can take a D6 and you can take a D6 as well. So we all get a D6-focused die to spend on something? So I roll all of them? You can use that now or you can use it after you roll those dyes and see if you need it. Oh, you know what I make.

Oh my God. Better, okay, okay, so it's 20, but minus one. So it's 19 with hope. Plus five. Plus five, it's 24. 24. Nice. That's great.

That's really much better. You're doing great. Thank you so much. Valerie's figure towers over your own. Her shadow falls over your face with a newly dimmed light. And she says, I'll take a look at those later, but I can take your word for it for now. Thank you so much. You've been doing some good work around here.

Wondering if maybe we should consider bumping you up to the assistant. Do I get paid? Well, yeah, that's what having a job here would be instead of an internship. This went from the worst day of my life to the best thing. Well, we have to see if we stay open. Oh, okay. So that's going to be kind of part of the deal. Okay.

incentive, yeah? Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. I have a poster of her in my cubicle. Her dark hair kind of falls in a heartbreaking shadow over her face as she looks like the vision of despair framed against the dark windows looking out on the black asphalt, a Marriott light kind of far off in the distance. Uh-huh, huh. I've fought a lot of villains in my day.

Sometimes it's easier to fight with your hands, with weapons, than with little post-it notes and spitefully written emails about how you hope this finds them well, and really you wish it would find them dead. Thank you for bringing powdered donuts today, Mr. Blackwell. This is quite little least I could have done. And mark my words, Miss Halliday. We will show and prove our ability.

Today is the day where we gather our resources and gather our might. Our brains, our minds, our cleverness together. This office will rise above the expectations of this entire corporate structure, and we will destroy Spectra. Once in for all. We will prove our office as worth maintaining.

I hope so, because they're comparing us to DTLA's numbers. What? And we're coming up real short. Well, they got so, come on, I mean, it's Burbank. Down downtown, that's too high a bar? Too high a bar. Listen, what if we, what if we commit some crimes

and then fight it? So it looks like our numbers are better. We're going to do our absolute best to provide incredible numbers in the presence of the assigned individuals. All right, they're coming. Let's take our seats. Why is the janitor in this board meeting?

Oh! Just wed decks for ammonia. You know, I'm just busting your balls, Marty. You're a fixture around this place. You're an institution and to yourself. Thank you very much. As the nerves kind of take over, Damien in his chair, he kind of focuses and gnaws

on the side of the cape a little bit and goes like, Sanato, are you with me? You hear a little voice come up. Yeah. Anatoe, do it? What's up? Do I have your assistance this day? I don't know I can do this alone.

Flarp. Did you warp? I'll take that as a yes. Thank you, Mighty Zanator. Your contributions and your arcane gifts have seen me through so much. Let this day be yet another step of our fine partnership. I got you, bro.

You too, bro. I think it'll be all right. I think it'll be all right. I believe so, too. I'm sorry. You take your seats at the board table. And soon you are joined by your other employees. And then eventually, the slightly floating figure

of a gentleman comes in. His feet kind of drag along the floor, a little bit like an ice skater as he moves in. He has the perfect silver hair that comes back in a perfect wave and quaff from bronzed skin, eyeliner that is gold and kind of comes up to his temples. And every once in a while, almost like a trick of the light, you think you see a beautiful array arranged like a lotus flower of hands around him. But then, just as you look away and look back, it's like they're not there anymore. He comes in and sits at the opposite side of the table from Valerie and introduces himself as Kavi Hexedburtum.

And as he does sit down, you notice that he has a briefcase, a very large briefcase that levitates and comes in behind him. and just hovers above the ground next to him. What do you think is in the briefcase? Easy girl. It's pretty small. What do you think he can do with all those hands? It's not that special, really. It's just about the technique.

He flashes you all a fangy smile. His immaculate gray and purple pinstripe suit, pressed just so. Sorry I'm a bit late. Flying in these weathered conditions can be a little bit dangerous. Did you drive in? I rode in.

I have a driver. You know, like successful people have. Is that what we're calling it, these days. It's good to see you as well, Mr. Debarum. Yes, it has been some time. Yes, indeed. I remember the fond days when your old mentor

wasn't a villainous piece of shit. Well, a matter of perspective, but it has been some time. Perhaps this job is a sort of repentance for you. Indeed. A way to make up for all of the horrible things you've done with into your life. I'm glad that we could play some small part in that. Not a small part. A rather large role in seeing that we have ascended as a troop of meaning given individuals.

As your presence here, I think, astutely allows us to observe. you are amongst equal greatness. You're not incorrect. It is in my vested interest to keep this branch open, even if it means stepping in and taking things over for myself. You say I'm very good friends with the founders, and therefore it's important to me that their investment be protected because it's also my investment, spiritually, of course.

As he says this, you see Valerie snap her pen in half, sending a gout of ink up into the air. Only if required, of course, he says almost is in response. I don't think it'll be as necessary as you worry about. We are quite an accomplished troupe. And of course, with our finest heroics at our disposal, and as he points to the A-team who hopefully finished their donuts. The A-team does look good. You were very successful in

staging them just so. Yes, crack team. Personally, I feel that perhaps the team isn't the problem, but the way they're being managed. Breathe. It's very clear to me you have a lot of talent on your roster. I think the problem isn't necessarily. The problem isn't necessarily the ingredients, but perhaps the chef.

But, I think with my influence, I could move most of you around to other operations if this one is found lacking. But I live so close. Govy. Hey, you remember me? Hello, Barbara. Yes, of course. Good to say, I'm not smoking in this main tea. Maybe, you know, when was the last time you... Oh, I got to have it in my hand at least. When was the last time you looked at our paperwork?

You know, we've been, we've been handling stuff a lot better in the past a few weeks. And if you haven't checked out that new stuff, maybe you should because, you know, our spending is down and our profits are at least Well, why don't you send it over to me, Barbara, or we can set a date and you can run me through your numbers. I'll set a date with you. I'll look over at HR. Whenever you want to talk, you just come to my office, all right. You know, Barbara, I have to warn you. We're thinking of using the hammock.

And if it comes down to that, down to that. Well, we might be able to save the operation, but to put it simply, some of you will be interviewing for your own jobs. Now, when would that be? Because I like you. Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday afternoon. It's Monday. We got two days. We find that the chance of an altercation goes down if you do a firing midweek.

That is actually legitimate good practice. We have on good authority as well that there is a mounting crime spree in the area that could very well threaten quite a few individuals and civilians. So we are prepared to show her just with blazing. flying colors, how accomplished our organizational skills internally are. That's right. Plus we got powdered donuts, if you want some. Oh, they hate them.

Oh, shit. Well, I mean, I would like one if they, after my long flight, it'd be lovely. Lizzie, more powder donuts, please. Did you mean fritzy? No, Lizzie. No, Lizzie. Lizzie, yeah. That one.

This. Lizzie rolls her eyes. It goes, Lizzie rolls her eyes. She says, I'm not your personal assistant. I'm her personal assistant. Lizzie. Go get some fucking barrel donuts. I just went there.

The line was so long. Lizzie. Might I suggest the crispy cream in the Empire Shopping Center? Why do you keep talking about that place? Is it because Owen's got the contact? Oh no! Oh, no, it's Owen. Is it because Owen has got that account?

Is it the one by the airport? Personally, I like flying out of them more than I like flying out of Alex. Go get some donuts. All right, don't get your knickers in a twist. I'll go get your fucking donuts. Owen, I'm a hearty. It is.

I'm gonna... Govy heals the stress. Lovely assistant you have there, crack team. Look, if we're looking to cut that, you know, I could give you some recommendations. Should it be necessary? Should it be necessary? Very well. There's no, there's eyes and ears everywhere, and they'll be watching you

And come Wednesday, that hammer is going to be unleashed. Just make sure you watch out for yourself. Of course. We shall dodge your hammer. Expedient. All right then. And he floats up from his chair and gently wafts out of the room like a breeze.

He smelled so good. Valerie breaks another pen in half, sending now a red gout of ink into the air. No, not red. As she cracks the conference table and goes, God damn it! Is he really friends with the owners? I have no reason to believe that he isn't.

They flew him all the way down from India. I could have flown himself. Well, two days. What the hell is the hammer? Okay, listen, everybody round up. The hammer is, no, no, my. Um, the, we have two days, which is ample time to prove our capabilities.

We are. The world. The, we are the children. Right, the children of success. Mm-hmm. Of corporate prestige. We are organizers, born leaders, capable. Hey, hey, breathe.

I need you to give me your eyes. Give me your eyes, Blackwell. Look at me. You're my manager. This is like a, you probably don't know anything about sports. Okay, let me try another way. We're like an army. Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, and I'm at the top, and you're my corporal. You probably don't know anything about that either. Okay, you're my right hand. Barb, here is my left hand. I need the right hand and the left hand to work together, and I need you to find out what this hammer is he's talking about, okay? Together. Because I don't know about y'all.

I'm not trying to lose anybody. If I can keep my job and keep everybody in theirs, it's going to help me sleep just to leave. little bit better at night. I like all of you, despite your many, many, many flaws. You've done right by me for the most part. Sometimes you come in five minutes late and I find dead bees in the clocks, but I don't question it. Because I like to think of myself as kind of a cool boss. A very cool boss. The coolest. You know, I was hoping that I would move up to Chief Growth Officer and one of you could be the regional manager.

Did you ever think it? Not you. Oh, God, no. Oh, God, no. It'd be fast. It'd gesture towards you. Like, not even, like, not even close. I was just trying to include you, but no.

Never you. First, pay check. Then, then your job. Well, don't you all usually get drinks at the, what is that freaking strip mall over there? The cape and cow? Maybe go there, work the other departments, the other branches, see if they've heard anything about these, the specialists or the hammer. Yeah.

We shall and have no fear, Miss Halliday. Both of your hands will service you well. First one, then the other, then maybe two at the same time. Stop staring at me so seriously. It's just going to make me laugh harder. Drinks? You leave work and you go to the cape and cowl. It is now nighttime. The sky is turning the beautiful color of a bruise

from light pink to dark purple, and it reminds you of your own bruised egos as you walk with weary feet to this nondescript bar in a part of town that people that don't work here don't go to. I keep my cape bundled up so doesn't drag and get dirty. Why do you still wear that thing?

Because of the source of all my power. The demon encased within here has granted me eyesight beyond the arcane veil. It gives me all sorts of abilities to twist reality to my whim. I don't want to get it dirty. Oh? Shoo.

Soon, pipe, pad, soon. The cape and cowl has a vague, tiki theme. From the outside, it looks like it could even be a convenience store because the lettering is very, kind of just like that plain neon lettering you see anywhere. it maybe just says bar

underneath it on the window when you come in there's some of that like dried grass trim on the windows it smells vaguely of cigarettes and old Guinness its most distinguished feature is a full-size

shuffleboard table that usually people try to get dibs on pretty early and it is full of costumed villains and superheroes off duty all tired from a day's work, all eager for a pint, and a little bit of companionship a lot of the time. It's your home, away from home, a good place to pick up on rumors, intel, and

maybe even catch up with old friends. Well, should we reconnaissance? Yes, of course, I'll hit the bar. First round is on me. Beer, wine, spirit? Shirley Temple, please. Whiskey on the rocks. Sprite him a lot, please. Sprite in.

That's a diabolical dream. I'll be, I'll be back. It takes an arcane mind to appreciate the delicacies. You hear him, the boy. Shirley Temple! Oh, God. Please. All right, so.

What do we do? What's the plan here? We... You're still about your contacts in the villain world? I do. We cross paths every now and then. We have a bi-monthly karaoke night, but like, you know, I haven't really delved in any villainy since signing my initial paperwork. But I'm sure I...

What do we do? Do we spread rumors? Do we try and insinuate or cultivate a villainous network? Are we building a sub-company to go against the other company? Are we going for a villain? No, I don't think so. Okay, got, let's see, Whiskey, Rocks, Sprite, and Malort, Shirley Temple. Thank you.

And a double shot of Everclear. Oh, oh, oh. Cheers. Just throw it on my face. Okay. Um, I watch a lot of deep dive YouTube videos on on villains and maybe I recognize some people here and can try and talk to them

because I know so much about them. Yeah, give me a presents roll. Okay. Oh, oh boy. Mm-hmm. Uh-oh. Okay, so it's... You just need to be the 10.

Okay, 13 with fear. Okay, 13 with fear. Interesting. The return of the paper clips. The paper clips. They're such beautiful colors. A green one. Yeah.

Yeah, you recognize a couple people. You recognize a couple people. You recognize one of your own fellow interns who was kicked out of the program and is kind of looking a little bit disgruntled in the corner. And he seems to be talking to a very low level villain that you've heard of.

Actually, he's less of a villain and more of an anti-hero. His name is Johnny Laith. Lave? Lave, yeah. Now, you probably know him as you're maybe a bit of a fan of this group back in the day. There was a little tiny group of superheroes

called the Pariahs. And they needed your classic Edge Lord in the mix, so they had this real piece of shit named Johnny Laid. He was kind of their just like token knife boy. His specialties are like close-up magic and knife tricks. But then when they later decided to soften their image, they kind of cut Johnny Lades to the curb. So he's currently unemployed. Does he have a butterfly knife? He does,

and he's doing tricks with it in the corner and doing that thing where he like, you know, I don't know the name of that game. Yeah, yeah. His past times other than close-up magic include making women generally uncomfortable and wearing more camouflage than is appropriate at a bar. In an urban environment. Definitely at the high school of this guy. He probably has a camo hat

on right now and he's like doing little lighter tricks. And he thinks he is the center of the party, but he is in the corner. And the women he is talking to do not want to be talking to him. But I do. Is this a past flame of yours? I just want to see what Johnny's deal is.

So I'm gonna walk up and I'm gonna offer my hand for him to do that thing with it, but I'm actually gonna hide my fingers. But it looks, because I'm so hairy, it looks, so he's just doing this and he would be hitting every finger. Yeah. And I, Johnny, wow, what a life you've lived.

I've heard so many stories about Just... Not me? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny Lay! Johnny Lay! That's what that's what people say. Yeah.

It was good for a while. Yeah. It's good for a while. What are you up to now? It hasn't been great, man. You know, I'm trying to get my head shots updated, so if you got any money, like, to help out with that. Oh, I'm an unpaid intern. Oh, aren't we all?

Yeah. Well, if you want to take some cards and spread my GoFund me, that would be like- Yeah, oh yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, I've got a Patreon too. Yeah. It's called Johnny Lades. Johnny Lades. Wow, you know, I was just-

I'm on YouTube. Are you on YouTube? No, I watch it. I consume content. Okay, yeah. I'm a consumer. I was curious if you've consumed any knowledge about something called, like, the hand.

Ever heard of it? Are you trying to be subtle about this at all? Can't you tell? Yeah, it's good. This is obvious. Do you have any experiences that could help you? This is not the ex-intern, right? This is who the ex-intern was talking to?

Yes. Okay. You could just give me a straight presence roll. You'll just want to beat like a 15. Okay. Anybody can help if they so, if they can figure out a way too. Why would you help this? Why would we help this crash?

Oh. Yeah. Oh, wait, but you have a focus, you still have a focus die. Okay, wait, I need a 15. So if I rolled a 15, would it work? Meets it, beats it. Okay, yeah. Yeah, because I rolled a 16 with fear,

but I got a negative one on presents. Okay. You just got it. You just got it. I think the complication here is that he thinks you're a little bit into him. Oh. But he's willing to talk to you. Okay.

He's like, oh yeah, like, yeah, I know everybody. Yeah. I was part of this group. They were big for a little while. Street cred with the indie crowd. Yeah. Oh, that's the name of the group? No, it's called the pariahs.

and I was like kind of like the face a little bit, like kind of the brand a little bit. I know lots of stuff. That's so interesting. I do my little hair flip, the whole body. The whole body. I know lots of stuff, you know. I like your hair, by the way.

Thanks. Yeah. I like when girls keep it long to cut it all short. Oh, yeah. I keep it real long. It's long everywhere. What about that hammer time? Oh yeah, yeah.

I worry about the hammer. Oh, yeah. Like what, though, specifically? We should do shots. Okay. Let's do shots. Shots, shots, shots. Let's do shots.

Come on, I'll tell you, come on, follow me, follow me, follow me. Okay. He takes you up to the bar. to the bar and says, two shots. Yeah. Gives one to you, it's tequila. Oh, tequila, oh boy, my kryptonite. Never had a drink.

I say to myself. Oh, okay. Can we see what's going on? Oh yeah, yeah. He's making a bit of a spectacle of himself. Can I make contact? Mm-hmm. Do you want help?

All right. I'll saunter on over and say, oh, Fritzie, thank you for getting me my shot. I've been just dying to drink some more. Yeah. Tequila. She loves tequila. I love tequila as I'm holding my whiskey in the other hand. Who's this young gent you're talking to?

Jan Elaine. He was just telling me about the hammer. Oh. You know about the hammer? Yeah. Clink, cleat. Clink. Give me.

This is just to determine whether or not you make a face. I think presents. Stone cold. I was going to say strength because it's tequila, but I'll say present. Okay. Oh, well, 11 with fear. I'm going to take the fear, but that is enough to succeed. You don't make a face.

Oh, that's a lot of fear. You don't make a face. And this raises his opinion of you in his approximation. He thinks you're very cool now. And he's like, as he downs his own with, like, nothing, doesn't even use the lime or the salt leaves it on the bar. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's this guy.

They call him the hammer for short. His name's Hamrick. And if he comes to your office, just know things are bad. What does he look like? Well, it's like, it's kind of like two guys, like mashed into one. And it's like a smart dude and like a strong dude. So like if they have to like restrain you and throw your computer out and throw you out of the. Heria building.

Oh, this is the sore subject. Yeah. I'm so sorry, Johnny Lee. No, it's fine. You ever seen the hammer around here? No, around the cape and cow? No. It's in the type of scene. He's really like professional and stuff, you know?

Um, because it's like a big dude with like a little dude growing out of his torso, it like scares the chicks off and stuff, so. Yeah, he says. Yeah. You, Johnny. Oh. Johnny Lane. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You guys, do you guys like darts? You want to play darts? Maybe. You know, I'm all right. Another time.

Yeah. Thanks, Johnny. I have a tattoo. Okay. I believe you. I'll say it. Don't need to see it. He lifts up his shirt and then pulls down his pants a little bit to show the top of his hip bone.

phone. It's a knife. It's like a little. A knife. It's like it tucked into his waist pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it pointing in? Yes, yes. It has wordings above the blade. Let's like follow the blade and get laid. Oh, boy. Wow. That was a choice, Johnny. Yeah. Wow. There's a hammer local. Oh, no, no, no. I don't know. It's like an entity they got to like wake up or whatever. Oh, Jesus. Wow. Yeah.

And they say it can like fix everything. Like, I'm not gonna lie, when he was done with the pariahs, you know, they took off. Yeah. You know? They took off. Without you, huh? No, I didn't survive the hammer. I went into that room and I was made redundant.

That's unfortunate. And the hammer's coming Wednesday? Wednesday. All right. Great. Yeah. Are you guys getting hammered? No, I mean, a little tonight.

Yeah. Any tips in, and when we see the ham? Oh yeah. Beyond time. We always are. Don't be late for work. Ever. Because that goes right, like, somehow, like, hammerick will know.

Oh, okay. Have an impressive project to talk about during your interview. Like, one thing. Got plenty of those. They're very surface level, right? So, like, if you can get them, like, two good bullet points, I didn't. I launched into a song I had written. They didn't go for that.

They didn't like that. It was inspired by Radiohead. They didn't care. Yeah, so that doesn't, if you just keep it like bullet pointed and keep it simple, that'll help. Have we gotten what we needed it? Oh. You got punched in the face again, didn't you?

Yeah, I'm gently. We got some information. Sure did. Fritzi's, she's good. I talk to Johnny Lave, Mr. Lave. Who's right here? Jonah Lave! Johnny Lave, I forgot you.

He has a little shock glass in his hand. Johnny, go away. Go on, get. You can just say no. Get on out of here. You don't have to be a, go back to your corner. You don't have to be a bitch about it. I don't.

I don't. I don't like that link. You're going to fight the queen, Johnny? You're going to fight Queen Bay? Are you going to sting me? You're going to sting me? I'm going to... Last I heard, you're like old enough to be somebody's mom.

Moms are cool, Johnny. And I'm going to have a distracting swarm fly out of my beehive. And I'm going to try to knock him out. All right, yeah. Yeah. I have to make a presents roll. I don't have any hope.

I can't add any experiences to this. Can I spend a hope to help? A second here. I believe you can. Wait, but in what way would you like to help? What were you doing again? I'm sending bees out to knock him out. Right.

I do another really distracting hair flip so he doesn't see it coming. I'll take that for hope. I'll take that for a hope. So I roll with advantage? I think you get a D6 to this. Yeah. Okay.

Why can't I roll with fucking hope for it to save my damn life? Okay. I'm gonna add my focus. focus to it as well. Wow, there it is. 22. Oh yeah.

With fear. Put them up there. God. Maybe I should just switch my two out and I should call the other one hope. A little reverse psychology. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the bees stream out.

They, what do they do as they like kind of, do they attack him, do they sting him? My bees are very intelligent, and they know exactly what nerves to sting to knock, to knock them out. So they like hit these little spots on the back of his neck. Yeah. He goes down like a stack of bricks, and the entire bar is better for it. There you go, Johnny. And he will stay that way until he takes damage. Or unless you want to spend a fear to wake him.

Oh, you don't have a lot of fear, so I don't think you should waste it. You think it's probably best to call it a night, starting to get a little late. You're all feeling it a little bit, except you who is stone cold sober somehow and still manages to do this job. Yeah.

This is the time the night where the bar tends to get a little messy. Anytime superheroes and booze are involved, It kind of gets a little sloppy. Is there any rumors you want to try and leave here? I haven't had as much luck, but. Marty, you're an unknown presence amongst the villains here. Perhaps it's an opportunity here for you to make some new friends,

leave an impact, be a newcomer who has some very reliable information. Oh, I did, I've been buying lots of drinks. People usually adjust it instead of wear it, which is peculiar to me. That's good, you're making friends. Yes, I got a couple numbers for us. Well, great. Yeah, what were you did?

What happened to you? Fell down. Oh, that's very unfortunate. You know what, I bet the steps aren't indicated with a nice, bright, reflective yellow tape, which is good to indicate a change in surface level. Probably against regulation, we should report them. Regardless, well, they're good with those numbers.

Perhaps you can make some calls, and we can try and maybe seed some of this chaos that we could then beat down. That's right. Yes. I'm gonna go back in there and look for somebody to go home with y'all good. Also, be on time, that's the other thing you said.

Oh, be on time. But we always are. We always are. We are. I could pick us up 15 minutes earlier. Actually, that might be a quite helpful. Why are you looking at me?

Maybe we never put the car in the park. I'm always on time. Just keep it rolling so that way we don't have any transmission. A moving. A moving group. Yeah, that's a good idea. That's good. Test our reflexes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very well. Rest up. Put together your brain cells and prepare to prove our quality. I'm going to try to find somebody to sleep with. Make a two for one, find someone who can help us. I think that might be a good place for a break. That's just a perfect.

That's a perfect stuff. I feel like that's like a great place for a break. Wake up from there after break and take the next 30 minutes to roll play you finding someone to sleep with. We can just fast forward, pass that everyone. There, Matthew Mercer here. If you're enjoying the show, you can tell your own stories and Daggerheart right now. Check it out now at daggerheart.com or your friendly local game store. Speaking of which, let's get back to the story. And we are back. Mr. Blackwell.

You are seated in your chosen mode of conveyance the morning after the events at the Cape and Cowell. Indeed. Thankfully, my charger has been repaired, but unfortunately that means the cycle of our carpool lays upon my shoulders. So I leave my abode to retrieve the rest of my compatriots within my digitruck, a fantastical polygonal device that is the utmost of luxurious rides. It's big and you get a little bit car sick if you're in the back seat. It's one of the features. It's very brutalist and dark. There's a massive screen that mostly doesn't work, and I press a button and it drives for me, but I have to keep taking over

because it almost crashes about five or six times on the way. You already have Marty and Fritzie with you. Marty, do you take shotgun when you're not driving? Never. No, I would never, I would never do that. No, in fact, I just make sure that the seat is clean. for Miss Honeycutt before she arrives. I wouldn't dare take the front seat, so I'm also in the back.

Yeah, backseat crew. Ah, but do you see, this here is a lesson. The two of you have aspirations of rising within the company. You must learn to embrace your divine right to receive. One of you must command this accompaniment. Who here has the proverbial nether to prove yourself. Nethers?

Do you want the divine right? Right? Could be yours. What'd you like? I don't talk about my nether's. Okay. We're in barbara's. As you say this, you hear a syrupy sweet, thick voice in your mind

as your cape kind of ruffles a bit to life. Warp. We log for the souls of do. We long for the old ways, the dead ways. I understand that. We long for power to feast on the plurpy flesh of our enemies. What have we become?

Show first to the diminutive and weak, the hairy and the hair braid. There means to an end, my demon lord. my demon lord. Plurp. I assure you there, everything has a purpose, and we are on track. A plurpus.

Everything has a pluripus, yes. Oh, no. You go sit and time out. Oh, my God. You must do my bidding this day. I long for blood and misery. Right. Tonight I will feast on tears.

See that they are someone else's and not your own. I shall do my best, and in exchange, grant me the capabilities of bringing low the terrible majesty of spectra. I will do what I can. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Just consider it. Just keep it in the back of the mind. Yes.

I like that. Was that out loud? Yes. Absolutely. I feel like... Do you want to sit in the front? I don't want to be near that. I'll go sit in the front.

If you press this button, it makes the road rainbow. Sorry, just a second. I definitely have something stuck in my teeth. Do you want some hair? Do you want some here? I was eating popcorn. I was eating popcorn. And that's how it happens. The ultimate killer.

Popcorn. All right, I think we're good. I think we're good, the individual says, rolling out of your bed, Barbara. Yeah, you need to. Who did you go home with last night? Johnny. No!

No! No! You can leave it up the chance! You can leave it up the chance! Johnny! Really? Barbara! He's a sure bet. He's a sure bet. You followed the blade! You followed the blade! I followed the blade to get life.

It's awful. It was not good. I regret everything. As you mused this to yourself. Johnny is rolling out of bed, putting on his hoodie, putting on his camel hat. I could, like, make breakfast for you, babe. Like, how do you like your coffee? Get out now. Oh, no, you're not a morning person.

How about a little smoochie? A little smoochering. Nope. Get out of the window. God, go out the window, go out the window. Out the window, right now. You take too stress. As he leans in for a kiss.

No. Just a little kiss for my special girl. Oh, oh. Just a little kiss from a honeybees, I'm gonna knock him out again. The scene has been clean. I'm gonna try to knock him out. I'm ready for you.

Shit, I can't knock him out. I don't think so. I don't want to help you on this side. I only rolled an eight on presents. With, with hope this time. Oh, I'm gonna take that hope. Did I recover any hope while I was sleeping? Oh, yes, everyone recovers to hope while you're sleeping.

Everyone recovers to hope. Thank you for asking. Shit, you somewhat recover from the events of the day and you feel more hopeful today as you, as the sun is out in Burbank. not a rainy day. Hopefully traffic will be better. With that failure, Johnny goes and answers the door for you.

While carrying your stuff. He's trying to be nice. He's got your bag. He's got everything. He opens the door. You guys all see him come out. He's in boxer shorts and a hoodie and a camel hat. I'm going to run up and just lock the door behind.

Get on home. Go. He walks up to the car with your items. Yeah, God. Can you like take care of this or like make sure that it's, you know, my girlfriend's. You just want to take that? This is her phone.

She forgot to charge her last night. We were pretty busy. I keep my hand over my eyes as I, but he's gonna try to chase him away from the car. Your little love bites, you're so funny. That's honeycott, have you, have you bathed? No, I have not. I take my suit coat and put it over the seat.

Oh, she's bathed in very cheap Dracar noir. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Dracan. We should just act's body spray and regret. You're different today. We should get going. Let's shut the door. We're going to be like, we can't be late again.

Roll down that way, though, will you? Nobody ever mentioned this again, all right? Do you want your phone? Yes. Your phone screensaver has been changed to a picture of the two of you. Yes. While you were sleeping.

Yes. Oh, it's such a mistake. Oh my God. I'm gonna delete that picture and change it back. Was he sleeping bare hip blade up? You know what, Travis? Yeah. Bear hip blade up.

That's going in my notes. You begin your morning commute. We'll start another counter. Oh jean. Did we get an earlier start this time though? We did. You did. Although your interaction.

It cost us a little bit of time. I'm always a little bit of an interaction in the morning, all right. This was normal amount of time for me. Of course. In your rush to be free of Johnny Wade, you actually do make it to the digit truck a little bit faster than you normally do. There's probably a run in your stockings

and you're not in the best shape. But, you know, you're on time at least. Now, it is sunny, so you would hope that the traffic is better. Tuesday is typically a little bit kinder on the soul, but on this particular sunny day, a young woman by the name of Harriet Butterbell, distracted by a cute Manitaur posing in his underwear on a billboard, managed to turn her car completely perpendicular on the freeway.

Now, Harriet, Butterbell is not a normal sized lady and therefore she does not drive a normal sized car it is the size of a basically a small domestic armored vehicle and it has unfortunately blocked two lanes resulting in four lanes of traffic being reduced to two meaning that all roles today are increased by a difficulty of two as you kind of get onto the on-ramp and try to merge into this very slowly moving river of cars. You do see Harriet Butterbell a massive Minotaur herself in booty shorts in a tank top, flexing by her car, trying to chat up the highway patrolman who is like kind of looking perplexed

at how to tow this thing that has completely lost one of the wheels on its axle when it went sideways. Thankfully, no one is hurt that you can see. But what is hurting is your chances to get to work on time. Wait. Now wait a minute. Are your bees going to lift it out of the way? Do I have on speed dial on my phone? Do I have any of my contacts any of the superheroes that have super strength? Let's see, actually. Yeah, you probably do. You probably know a couple of them.

Thank you very much. Do you want to see if you could try to get one of them to come by? Yeah. Just fly in real fast and just move that. Yeah. Give me a knowledge roll. a knowledge role. It's amazing the depths of a digital black book. Right. You'll want to get a 15 on this. Can I add my scene at all experience to this? Absolutely. All right. All right, all right. Spend that hope. Mm-hmm. Um, 15. 15. Needs it beats it. Hell yeah. Um, you You managed to get, you managed to get the big woman herself on the phone, Valerie Halliday.

Listen, Val, uh, the highway's blocked. I need you to get over here on the 101 stat, all right? Because we can't be late again. Should we? Can we paint this as a crime that she... There's a crime on the highway. And you're gonna help fight it, right? Because listen, all of our job are on the line now. You want me to come move a car? Yeah, but it's a big car. It's a crime car. It's Harry's car. Oh. Like a PR move. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like Burbank SDN cleared the traffic channel. Exactly. Traffic this bad is criminal. Oh.

All right. We'll make sure that, uh, I'm gonna film it. I'm gonna film it on my phone when you get here. All right. I'll be right down there. Thanks. Well done. Should we have some villains come? Two of the guys we talked to you last year, I think they would be perfect for this. Allie, Ali Oxen-Free and Toots? They said they were very amenable. Toots too?

Toots? Yeah. I mean, he toots. It's forceful or? It clears out a crowd. Crowd control is actually what he's used for. He's a former embassy security officer, yes. I'm digging in my purse to look for

for some makeup so I can fix my face up before all this PR. Would anybody else like to do anything while you wait for Valerie to make her way over here? I could, I could try, I could try a forceful push on this cart, but do I need to, if we have, I can solve this. You can stage to maybe, um, help Valerie when she gets here. Yeah, oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah. This is my chance to get a paycheck. She is after all, merely a shield maiden from eighth century of inland. She could definitely probably use a hand. I'd love to get out there. She hasn't been in the field in a while. Marty.

You get out there with your phone as well, get a different angle so we can get it on social channels. Okay. Valerie doesn't drive there, because she knows better. Traffic's out of standstill. This is good shit. I'm dropping, okay, it's fine.

Instead, you hear the groaning of concrete as she climbs up with one leap, grabbing one hand onto the side of the freeway, and then pulls herself up in a perfect pull-up, vaulting over the side. Her suit and pencil skirt, the lycra in it flexing to the maximum of its tensile strength that she does so. To the flicks. Her calves look like steel wrapped in silk stockings. Oh, my God. and her red bottoms, clack, clack on the asphalt

as she walks over to the car, winks at you knowing that you've got this setup, and she's going to attempt to move it. You said you're going to help her? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, and would you like to spend a hope to do so? Or are you using an ability? I'm using an ability called forceful push.

I make an attack with my primary weapon against the target within melee range, so I could just walk up. You just walk up. I'm just walking up to this turned over. car because it ain't going anywhere. Okay. So now I do that. Oh, it's a 13 with fear. Not going to lie to you, I rolled a two. No. No. Valerie, no. Wow. Yeah. You said a 13 with a fear? Yeah. Oh no. Oh no, Louis. As Valerie walks up with you and you both get ready to push this car, the heel on Valerie's Lubiton snaps.

And she completely loses her grip, tumbling over, and as she does, one of her legs kind of juts out, taking your legs out from underneath you. And you both kind of collapse, taking one stress each as you're kind of embarrassed on this busy road full of cars with your coworkers that kind of watch you completely biff it. I dropped my cell phone, and I head over, and I will use an animal incarnation, my elephant-elefin-size. And you'll see, like, a big swell appears in my chest, like a bullfrog. And then it just moves into my right arm, where my right arm turns into like an elephant trunk. But it's super fucking blacksmith mussely, crazy. It grabs one of the tires, and you're... I try and help pull the car while picking up

Madeline at the same time. Valerie. Yeah, oh, you try to pick her up at the same time? Yeah. All right, let's get a strength check. Come on, you still got that focus, right? I do. And do you get a bonus from your ability too, I believe, right?

I do not, but I mark a stress to use it. That's amazing. We're gonna say this gives you advantage. because you're using your ability. Great, died, 23, 23, 24, 24 with fear. 24 with fear. 25 with fear, sorry, I can add. Yeah, you are easily able to move the car,

but I think the little bit of consequence here is that as you move the car and pick up Valerie, she's not happy that you picked her up. Oh. I'm still on the ground, too, you didn't pick me. That's okay, I can get it. Ma'am, it's just all about the optics. Marty, we've talked about this.

When digit card drives up, I lean out to the window to the PCH officer, the CHP officer, and hand him an invoice and be like, so yes, the Burbank's severe dispatch. to be a dispatch. I'm gratefully happy to have aided you in your endeavors this morning. Take that to your commanding officer and hopefully we'll have payment in the next month. Thank you very much. Let everyone know, let everyone know that we did it. Receive your better job.

Now, you begin to make your way down the highway. It's a little awkward, it's a little icy. Valerie is stuffed into the back with all of you. Listen. I have her heel. Do you want your heel back? I would like my heel back. Thank you.

Val, I'm going to edit this video in a way. That makes you look like you were right there doing it too. I really thought I had it. I've got my elephant trunk hanging out the window because I can't change back until. I take severe damage. Don't make it touch the side. It's very likely to take prints.

Don't stop it. It's so hard to clean that. Okay, so I've edited the video to where it looks like. Valve jumped in, went to lift, and then the video cuts. And then you, I'm a video of you also lifting. And as it goes up, it cuts. And then it's y'all three standing there

at the end together with the traffic. flowing by. Wow. Magic of editing. And there's like heroic music. I'm gonna put heroic music under it for the real. You make it to work sort of on time. As you pull in, it occurs to you that your digit truck, there's absolutely no way you'll

fit underneath the sappy tree that the blue powder blue stands always fits underneath. That's fine. I'm just in pocket weather. Nobody seems to bother with it. Oh no. You just park it. Like in the middle of the... Yes, the respective vehicle of this size and prestige.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Those lines don't mean anything to you. Too real. Too real. It was too real. Mr. Blackwell blocks three cars. Actually, six, if you count the ones on the other side with how wide this vehicle is.

By parking in between the lanes. And you all walk into work, where you are met. with that beautiful white light that washes over you all, immediately aging you all 15 years, bringing you back with a strange chime into that mode where your personality melts away and you become a tool in the corporate hands of the Burbank SDN.

What time is it? It is one minute to 8 a.m. Yes. That's the best we've done. as you walk in a young woman is sitting at the receptionist desk and kind of answering calls

it's very clear she's just trying to look busy in fact the attitude and mood in the office is very strange today instead of standing by the door gloating at you Owen is actually working Melody is actually working

Lizzie is not working. Lizzie is filing her nails and smoking in a corner with her mossy hair kind of cascading down over her tweed suit. You can cut the tension with a knife.

Good morning, everyone. Immediately, Owen is like, Good morning! And at the front desk, Good morning, Mr. Blackwell. You've got a three o'clock. a four o'clock, I can push your two to maybe five. Yes, do that. Who's that? Who was that?

Who was that? Do we know her? Huh? Do we know who her, the receptionist? What was to say? I thought, never seen her before. Never seen her before. I thought answering the phone was my job. Well, you should have been here.

I'm early. Who are you? You got, you're getting paid now. You don't have to work. You get a finger. Burbank SDN. Yes, of course. I'm more than happy to direct your call.

Hold, please. Burbank S.D.N. Yes, I'm more than happy to direct your call. Hold, please. Burbank S.D.N. Yes. I'm more than happy. Do you know their extension?

Please hold, while I find it for you. Burbank S.D.N. Okay, I'm going to take my hair, okay? And I'm going to wrap it around that phone, and I'm going to yank the phone towards me. Ooh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no.

And then the other strand also wants to push that finger out. Yeah. Are you using one of your powers for this or would you just like to roll your, you could just roll your finesse if you want. I, it could maybe. It could maybe be finesse or agility. No, it could maybe be my hair storm. Yeah. It temporarily restrains.

Does that work? Okay. Yes. Okay. This is a strength rule. Okay. It's 15 with hope plus my one strength, so 16 with hope. 16 with hope, amazing.

Yeah, definitely a success. Your hair wraps around her finger, very rudely in your face, and the phone, and she looks stunned for a moment as you yank the phone away from her. Yeah, this is my job lady. What's her name anyway? Donna. Okay, well, Donna, I don't know who you are.

but you're in my seat. Well, I'm Donna Dazzler of the New Hampshire Dazzlers. You can dazzle that butt out of my seat. And I am the new intern. What? What do you mean? Please hold. What do you mean?

I come from Covey's office. I'm handling his affairs while he's in your building. I dropped the phone. Yeah. He's observing today. Wait, it's Covey, when I was saying Govey? Is it Covey? Mm-hmm.

Oh, shit. Do you all things I don't know. Yeah. I mean, Donna. Donna's the bitch. Wait, wait. Donna. Donna.

What about our other intern? I don't know, go sort mail or something. They've already done that. And they moved me to reception. Okay, but nobody wants to be received. by you, you're like busted. I'm still restraining you, right? You are.

I still got that finger in my hair, right? Yeah, absolutely do. Can I fuck up that little finger? Yeah, snap that metatarsal. Give me a strength check. Okay. Uh-oh. Well, okay, so it's 15. 16 with fear.

with fear. 16 with fear. It succeeds. You break her finger. This one, this one, right? Yeah. You break her finger, and as you do, she lets out a hypersonic screech.

Like, it's like a DJ booth is in this woman's throat. Oh, Jesus. And as the subwoofer-like vibrations, literally make the air in front of you ripple, they also rack your body. Let's see, how would you like to react? Would you like to avoid this in any way? This is an attack.

Yeah, yeah, I wanna, yeah, I wanna, I wanna spin out. Do I get out of the way? Yeah, give me an agility check. Oh shit, oh, I'm good at that. 16 with fear. 16 with fear. Yeah, you're able to get out of the way, and instead, this, like, sonic screech

that sort of involuntarily escapes from her mouth shatters a Herman Miller chair that is sitting in the corner. We have a Herman Miller? She had. Sending the incredibly expensive office equipment into the parts of which it is made across the entire reception room.

I'm so sorry, Miss Honeycutt. Get in my office, honey. Okay. I can't believe she broke my finger. Sorry about that. You should find a... You know, the kitchen's over there. You could probably find a napkin or something

to wrap around it. We have some drink stirers next to the coffee machine. I'd use that. She takes her advice, leaving the rest of. receptionist desk vacant. You have won your little turf war. You don't think she's going to be wagging her finger in your face again. We should figure out where Govy is observing from. I'm going to clean up this chair, and then I'm going to make my way around and meet back in your office. Better run some recon. Yeah. This is happening. Do you have those contacts that you

managed to acquire in the bar last night? Yes, yes. I'll text it to you. Bumblefuck, Allie All the Oxen Free and Toots. All right. Is Valerie still with us? Yes. She is about to get ready to go to her office. Uh, Val. Can we look at getting Prissy here, upgraded to my assistant?

These are desperate times and I don't know if I can rely on Lizzie. I think we could do that. I think we could do that. Do you want us to let Lizzie go or find another position for her? You know, here's the thing. On Wednesday, they're gonna be cutting the fat, right? We need to have some people that they can cut so they feel like they're doing their job.

So maybe you just find another place for Lizzie to be for the meantime. Yeah. I don't think Owen has an assistant. Yeah, he could use it. He could use the help. Oh, uh, I'll put her under Owen. Fruitsi, you're on me. Uh, we have about three hours of HR videos for you to watch,

and we have some W2 paperwork. Um, if you go downstairs and you talk to Ronnie, uh, there's going to be a quick onboarding. Um, it'll only take about six to ten hours and then, um, could I do that Thursday? No. Okay. No.

I mean, not if you want to get paid. Also, it'd be a bit of a liability. So there's a great video that was made in the 80s about respecting your coworkers that you need to watch. Probably doesn't involve breaking their fingers, huh? Um, what if I forego, what if I forego my paycheck for a couple days? So I want the title, but you don't have to pay me yet, so I don't have to watch these videos. I wouldn't have gotten to where I've gotten. gotten to where I've gotten without upgrading people to jobs that they're not, that are not within

their job description, but not giving them the commensurate pay. Two days. Just kidding. I don't operate like that. But considering the circumstances, I'll see what we can do. Maybe Ronnie can fast track you a little bit. He is very slow, though. Right.

Honestly, guys, I think today, you might just want to keep your heads down. Stick to the grind. Mm-hmm. Just do your job, do it well, okay? No shenanigans, no chicanery. Ideally, don't break any more fingers. I'm sorry. Right?

Something came off. We don't have to pull some grand heist. We can just do what we do and show them that we are really good at doing it. I'm trying to give you a pep talk. Is it working? Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I'm checking my numbers on Insta and TikTok and seeing what those videos did.

All right. How they doing? I need you to get this team on board, but I'll put the new intern on that, on the social media. Maybe that's more her speed. You don't like the new intern? She might not like us.

Fritzie, you good at social stuff? There you go. Yeah, I spend hours at night, doom scrolling. Oh. Here, you get it. I'm going to text you this video. You get it up there. You have my number?

I do not here. I need you to send it to yourself. Yeah, that makes more sense. You can check out my ASMR channel on Squirrel Social. It's all custodial. The waxing is really quite relaxing. Go on now get out there and find some info. I have quite a busy morning

to attend to some immediate meetings. I'll just adjourn to my office to deal with my positively important business for the day. Thank you, Valerie. You retreat to your offices. Let's go ahead and place your tokens on where you are. Oh, we have tokens. Oh, we have tokens. Oh, I'm not going out. Are here? Yes, thank you. Is this your death? Oh, yeah. So am I sitting at reception or do I have to go down to Ronnie? That's up to you.

I've got to be out of commission for hours. Where's the entrance? Where's the entrance? No, no. This is the building entrance, right? This is the reception. That's reception, but you wouldn't be there anymore. You'd be my assistant.

That's right. We have... So where would my assistant be? We have... You'd be in the... Is that the little office next door to me? This is the exit. Or actually, your assistant would be here, sure.

You got a little office. Honestly, an assistant would probably have one of these. Just kidding, you got this little cubicle. I'll take it. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. No.

There's so bad. It's still there. Majestic. Should I play some of that shuffleboard last night? The shuffleboard was needed. Put you right outside Miss Honeycutt's office. Here we have the showers and the locker rooms where A team and B team kind of get ready.

Some elevators that go down to the first floor and of course there's our reception desk and break room and what have you. Do you all go about the normal humdrum of your day? Oh. Absolutely not. We have to do what we can to persevere, to exemplify, to rise above. I close the blinds in my office, go to my phone, look over the numbers that Marty here had sent me, and I'm going to first call bumble fuck. Does he also deal with bees? He don't want to know. No, roly-poleys are his thing.

Buzz, buzz, bumble fuck. What can I do you for? Mr. Bumblefuck. You're with me, right? Doesn't hear anything from the escape? Shit. You have met an acquaintance of mine. Last night, or drinking, he is a,

Gentlemen with glasses, quite an accomplished killer in his own right. But he gave me your information as possibly someone who's interested in making some quick money. Yep. All right, so like how works is one throw costs $400, two throws, you get a discount. No, you misunderstand.

Some real money, some. some criminal money. I'm pretty sure this is criminal money too, buddy. There are shipments coming in, mass amounts of extremely gold bullion weight in illegal substances. I need them to be recovered and brought back to my warehouse within the hour.

Give me a presence roll. You're going to want to be at 15 on this. All righty. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You hear a soft plurp from your cake. Hey, I need to make this guy, believe me. Wait, will you help me? Plorp.

Plorp. Rope. You get a plus one to your roll. Thank you. All right. I will. Lives for this evil stuff. Here's what I'll do. Here's what I'll do.

I'm going to spend a hope. Be like, And do not worry, this is not traceable, but you will be paid in crypto. Apply my Clifcoin crypto founder. So that a plus two to that. Okay. That is 19.

23 with fear. Oh. 23. Oh yeah. 23 with fear. Resounding success. You will find them within the Burbank IKEA. Hidden in the blue couches.

You do not have much time, but you must carve into them until you find it. Then run. I will be utilizing my contacts there to bring security away. So you will not. not be spotted. You know, normally I use my powers to like squeeze people up into little footballs and punt them through goals, but I feel like this is a job that is well suited for me. So if anyone gets in your way, punt away.

I'm on it, boss. What's your cut gonna be? What do you get out of this? Well, you deliver it to me, the goods we distribute. So, quite a bit. Besides, Glyphcoyne is on the way up. O'Lontwood for about two years and it will change your life. Okay. I think I understood like 30% of that, but all right. Most people do. I thought I was supposed to buy GameStop. It's transferable.

Just gotta wait for the common economy default. I immediately call over to Barbara. Barbara. Barbara, could you please send one of our available teams to the Burbank IKEA in about 45 minutes to an hour? Steak out, there is going to be an attempted raid and destruction upon the property, and let's make sure the cameras are rolling. Which I've been up to, Damien. I like it. Let me look at who we got today. All right. I don't like that. I'll make some phone calls and get some of our B-plus heroes out to fight that. How does the first part of your day go?

Outside of those phone calls right there. I will be going through my spending reports. finagling them to make them look like, you know, they're not as bad as they are. Give me an old roll. All right. What do I got? All right. Shit.

Okay. All right. That's 19. 20? 20. With hope. With hope. Amazing. you are able to not only identify a couple of places where you could cut costs

and where some expenses are doubled up but with that resounding success with hope you actually notice that Owens expense reports seem a little weird the numbers are a little too round at very regular intervals that little motherfucker his travel expenses specifically don't seem to add up there's a lot of flights hotels things on there that don't match up with what you think he's been doing the dates are off it would take a very careful eye to notice such a small discrepancy but you're like why does he always need a train ticket or an airplane ticket on the 21st of the month i'm definitely Why is lunch at chili is always exactly $64?

How many trip dips is this man eating? They have lunch specials there. It should not be that expensive. I'm gonna call Marty. Mark, actually, Fritzi, yeah. Get Marty in here. Marty! Sorry, I'll stand up by now.

Yes? Marty, get in the office. Which one? Mine. Yes, ma'am. You're discreet, right, Marty. You can be discreet, right, Marty? Yes.

All right, here's a deal. Okay. I need you today at lunch. I want you to follow Owen. All right. Be discreet. See where he goes. Because I got a daily report here saying he goes to Chili's for $64 and I don't believe a second of it.

What do you get at Chili's for $64? Exactly. There's nothing. On the menu, that would be that much. I'm sorry. It went out the wrong button. You follow him. Hold on.

You follow him. All right. And find out what he's actually spending money on because I think he's lying. And we could nail his ass. We can get him out. And I know we've been trying to do that already. I can do that.

I can be discreet. I can actually blend in extremely well. That's right. Change your little shape there, and you go on out to Chili's and you do something successful and useful, Marty, and you show people exactly what you're made of, all right. All right. I can do it. All right. I'll save the bridge.

I'll single-handedly kill. Oh, what? Only if you absolutely have to. But listen, I think you should not do that, and we should throw him under the bus tomorrow. Oh, great. Yeah. I was going to try and figure out where Covey was hold up and working in the office.

Oh. Well, shit. I can do that first, and then I'll follow Owen. Because it's not even lunchtime yet. Yeah, we'll do your shit fast, and then you go do my shit. I won't let you down. You never do, Marty.

Hey! Get on out of here now. And I'll leave and pick up the trash can that was just outside the door and I'll empty the little trash cans by the desks as I move around. But I'm not so much looking at the little islands in the common work areas. I'm more keeping an eye on the perimeter offices, conference rooms, break rooms, anywhere where I might spot or smell a heavenly note of spectral flower energy. Give me an instinct.

Ooh, an instinct check. You're gonna need to be, this is gonna be hard. You're gonna beat a 20. This is gonna be very difficult. I'm gonna use, I'm gonna burn, I'm gonna spend a hope to use my experience from outer space. And I'm gonna let my real alien nostrils develop, which are four times the size of average human nostrils.

They'd just fucking suck in all sorts of shit. But it also helps me like, get the hint of anything that's along the way. Okay, that's a 22, 23, 23 with fear. With fear, okay. It's enough, though. You do catch a whiff of what smells like, fresh rain and lily pads.

Sure. And a gentle wafting breeze that you know isn't coming from the HVAC system because it doesn't have the kind of power to move air like that. No, it doesn't. That shit smells like crayons. It's coming from the stairwell. Oh, are there? Or that one.

This one over on this side. Okay. Can I creep up to the stairwell ever so carefully and just see if I can hear any conversation coming from within it? You most definitely can. Give me a finesse roll to see how quiet you are. You'll get a snippet of conversation either way,

but this just determines how much of the snippet of conversation you'll get. That's 16 with hope. Hope. you glide towards the stairwell and as so often the most important people that uphold our society are you are not noticed as you drift through the space even though you maintain it without you none of these trains would run on time you have a penchant for blending in and so you walk through and it's like you're not even a person and as you approach the stairwell door and maybe even crash open a bit you do hear Gavi's smooth voice speaking to a voice you've never heard before and the part of it that you hear is well I would really prefer if we didn't shut down the whole branch you don't think it's possible even with your

inconsiderable skills well I've heard that you've hammered many an operation into into shape you hear a second voice silky smooth as the first be like well no uh i can't work miracles you know um definitely gonna get in there i'm gonna try uh gotta do what you gotta do uh things being as they are be that as it may uh you know it's just uh looking at the numbers the call volume it's not really at what we need we're gonna need a little bit of an adjustment of an adjustment got to synergize the operation take what we have divide it and turn it into something that works not only perpendicular but parallel and as my associate here would tell you were he but capable of the English language you would know that he agrees and here

is and here is the rub you know sometimes you got to cut off the hand to save the arm sometimes you got to cut off the arm to save the body and and here's the thing too people land on their feet and also keeping in mind who are loyalties are to who are we working with who are we working for let's look at job descriptions you know but I think if we could get this down by 30%, we could talk. But you'd have to, you'd have to, I mean, you're kind of what you're asking me for. Well, you're asking me for the moon, and I'm, I'm, well, if anybody could deliver it to you,

I guess I suppose I would be that guy. Ah, you know, but, you know, I won't take up too much of your time here. so let's maybe huddle up let's reconnect get on a call later today and maybe we can figure out what we can do to get your

product back online Does it sound like he is this individual is in the stairwell with him or like on a digital call like coming through a device? It sounds like he's in a tunnel got it oh a tunnel

you hear govy And it doesn't take an incredibly insightful person to know that he is incredibly fucking annoyed. And he's like, yes, of course, thank you so much for your wonderful insight, Mr. Hamrick. Well, you know, 30% is a number that maybe we could get down to. I mean, I can think of a couple people that could go. Typically, when such reorganizations are done, you go for the highest salaries. And that abomination of a car in the parking lot, I don't think I have to tell you who the highest salary is. Perhaps instead of removing 30% of the employees, we remove two.

Just something to consider. Well, you know, here's a thing. We got to talk about institutional knowledge. We got to talk about loyalty. You know? And when you remove the head of a company, you're losing that institutional knowledge. We've got to think about that. We've got to think about high-skill worker. We've got to think about low-skill worker. Oh, God. I just peel away from the stairwell. You rolled really hot so you can get all of it.

I leave it. I hightail it back to Miss Honeycroft's office tonight. And I go, you're fine. And I leave and go to Mr. Blackwell. As you're heading that way, your phone rings. Yes, D.N. Burbank. How may a director call? Frisbee, this is Mr. Blackwell. I have a question to ask of you. If there were a place in Burbank, that would be a place to stage spectacle that comes to mind,

a location that you think a grand fight and showdown could occur. What would your mind go to immediately? Ooh, it would go to the Whole Foods off of Olive Avenue. My. God, Sion. Just chewing for your position. What? Specific, we're gonna break that down later.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. I'll keep this in mind for your report. Okay. As you get off the phone, I'm going to spend... Oops, lost it. That's fine.

I'm going to spend two fear. Oh, God. Mm-hmm. And two things happen simultaneously. Melody approaches you at the front desk, looking quite worried, and sort of in her simpering way, because she is an assistant to, you know, a wonderful villain. Hey, um... I need your help.

What can I do? Okay, so I brought my dog to work. I'm not supposed to bring my dog to work, but I brought my dog to work, and there was this whole thing with the dog sitter, and I think he kind of ate part of her, but I'm on my last strike. I'm not supposed to bring bird dog to work,

and I brought bird dog to work, and I lost a bird dog. because I put him in the Zen garden on the second floor and that door is gone. There's a lot of broken glass. And I think he's somewhere in this office. And if they find him and they realize I brought my dog to work again, I'm done.

Like, I'm just, I'm cooked. Yeah, I'll help. You'll help? Mm-hmm. Okay. What do we do? Can I have a second? I just got to make a call.

Yeah, okay, okay, okay. And then I'm gonna get all my buds on a conference call and say, okay. Before that happens, because I did spend two fear. Oh, that's right. The glass of the conference room window shatters. Oh, no. And in jumps.

a ridiculous looking man with the most spindly legs you've ever seen in your life, and a horned helmet, and a long wispy beard. And he shouts, Ali, Ali, oxen free! Yes! And as he shouts it, a billion miniature oxen sprout from his beard.

And he goes, I come to challenge you! Marty? Four duel is as of yet unfitted! I didn't, I just... And everyone's chaos erupts in the office as the oxen begin to just charge forward in a wave. You won't escape my vengeance this time, Marty! This is my branch and you are not to stomp it with your beasts!

I'm going to go ahead and charge from my office towards the direction. of where the oxen are coming. You say there's a bunch of tiny ones? They're about the size of like small dogs. Okay. And there are, let me give you a number here. There's 32 of them. Wow.

And they've all sprung into life from his beard. All right, so here's what I'm going to do. He's standing with his crotch up, like, leg on the table, other leg on the chair. the chair, shaking a fist menacingly. All right, as the M for Mr. Mifista that still besets the center of his cloak, begins to glow, his eyes go black, and I leap off of one of the desks to put my feet, like, flip up to the ceiling and use wall walk to shoof, affix my feet to the ceiling, and continue

to walk towards the area above of where this mass of tiny oxen are rushing, an attempt to rain of blades as I begin to under my breath. I'm going to go ahead and open my cloak and from the shadows within a bunch of arcane blades shipping it to rain down from above onto these oxen to try and prevent them from fucking upper office. Oh, shit. Fantastic.

Cape blades. Yeah, I think we're here in combat, so go ahead and roll to hit. All right, let's go. Come on, oxen killer. I'll just spend a hope to do this. It's an instinct roll for me. All right. Oh, that's not great.

That's not great at all. That's going to be an 11 with hope. An 11 with hope. Just give me just a moment here. This would be against all targets within very close range. Okay. That hits. Okay, fantastic.

Oh, good, I almost used that feature to let you reroute. Ooh! All right, so for that, they're not vulnerable, so it's just going to be seven points of magic damage upon any of the oxen that are within kind of a very close range below me. Fantastic, so seven points of damage. You see several of the oxen kind of turn into puffs of wispy beard hair as your blades come down on them, kind of thinning the the herd a little bit, thankfully,

before they hit the glass wall on the opposite side of your conference room. So you see some of them kind of veer off trying to avoid your blades and they go out the door, and the rest of them kind of go thunk against the glass because there's not enough force to go through it. And you see several of them just kind of like disappear into puffs of beard.

Contain the chaos! I'm gonna, oh shit. I, I, I, I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hairstorm it again, um, and, but this time, uh, I, I, I wanna, like, lasso, any, anyone, if any of them, they have to be within, um, very close range, or any of them in, in very, probably not, actually. Um, I think. I'm green.

You could get it. I mean, I could get up. I don't view that as like a very far movement. No, I think you could move and do that action. Okay. I'm gonna rule that you can. Yeah. I want to get in the middle of it. I got a couple of lassoes going on.

Oh shit. Here, lassoes. Okay. So that's a string tool. Oh, okay. It's a 23, 24 with hope. A 24 with hope, that is successful. Oh, and you are full of hope now.

Oh, I'm full on hope now. Full of hope. You can do it now if you want to. Oh yeah, I'm gonna get in the groove with no mercy. And I'm gonna spend three hope, and I'm gonna gain a plus one bonus to my attack rolls until my next rest. Amazing.

And then go ahead and give me, did you give me damage yet? I didn't, okay. What do I roll for this? Well, this is for the hair storm, which doesn't do damage. Oh, I just restrain them. Okay, you just restraining. Lassoing a bunch, anything that's within. Go ahead and roll me, let's do a D6,

and that'll be how many you removed from the hoard. Okay. Three. Three, fantastic. All right. So you're able to lasso up three of them. Yeah. Fantastic. I'm going to go ahead and spotlight our villain.

Um, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. It's really. Say his name. He's going to use his ability mockery on you. And he's going to try to convince everyone that you're, he's going to try to scapegoat you. Give me just a moment here. he shakes his fist at you and goes you've scorned me for the last time for I

Olly Olly Oxy Ocks and free am not to be out done three times you've hid from our dual foolish man you claim to be a cleaner of things but your hands are filthy fill thee with deceit and cowardice

cowardice Give me a presence reaction roll you need to beat a 14 oh my gosh oh that's terrible that's a two with fear but it's a reaction so fear doesn't count on a reaction roll with a two you take two stress and you are now vulnerable and then he throws an ox at you I have to spend an additional he throws an ox at you let's see he just like throws it through the air, a tiny ox. Yes.

Amazing. Apparently, he pulls it out of his beard. Amazing. Um. Let's see. Oh, it's not a super high attack roll. Eight. Uh, that misses.

Oh, wait, but you're vulnerable. I am vulnerable. Is that making my vision? I think, let me see. Let's check. Plus D6 against you. Oh, yes. Thank you.

Okay, so in that case, so I said eight, right? 12. I'll burn an armor. All right, it's gonna be nine physical damage as the ox comes flying through the air, kind of hits you and explodes in a puff of beard hair. Got it.

Would you like to respond to your arch nemesis? As I am hit by this little, Bine-sized oxen, I will think to the great defensive beasts of this planet, and my mind will rush through, percupine, blowfish, something in between. I'll go, and these quills shoot out of me everywhere as I use my animal incarnation as I mark another stress. And when an adversary within melee range deals damage to me, they take 1D10 physical damage, and it stays until I take severe damage, and I will reach over to my janitor's

cart and I will grab both the mop and the broom and snap them in the middle in a pre-broken area and conjoin the broom and the mob to create a fearsome dual-wielding staff and I will take a swing at the nearest ox next to me. All right, roll to hit, you just need to beat a 10. Great, that's 16, 17, 17 with hope. Amazing. All right, go ahead and give me damage. 10, 10, 10, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 physical damage. 10, it's quite a bit. That's quite a weapon.

Yeah, the remaining oxes as you kind of go into the fray, explode into more puffs of like a beard hair, as you manage to clear them all out, not only from around Oli-Ali Oxen Free, but also from the boardroom as you kind of cut a path with your carnage. Not residual hair, not the hair. There's hair everywhere.

It's thin, fine, wispy, almost looks like wool. Stay less. This is bad. How many oxen are still running around the office? There's none right now, but Oli-Ali-Oxen-Free is still at large, so that might change. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. All right.

Take them down. All right, I'm gonna run out of my office, and I'm gonna, oh, I gotta be real close for that one. Shit, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna give a little B-cloud around him. I'm gonna run up. Can I get close enough that I'm gonna be very close to Ollie at this point? Yeah, you're actually, because Ollie was there

and he kind of ran up here. I think you could get there, yeah. All right, all right. I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna beat cloud his damn face and beard. Hell yeah, let's do it. All right. And I'm gonna, oh yeah, I don't. Okay.

That's a 17. That's a hit. With fear, unfortunately. Okay. Because I'm doomed in this game. And I'm gonna do eight physical damage. Yeah. Ooh, major damage.

And as your bees buffet this man, he's like, yes for truly, he's like, oh, oh, my. And it backs him up. Hopefully it falls over a desk or something. Roll for it. Okay. Just roll it, yeah, just give me like a luck roll. Uh, that's not a good roll.

What was that rolling? What was I rolling? I was going to do like over six or under six. Like 50-50. Seven. Seven. He falls off the day. desk he's on, kind of landing in a prone position on the ground, going, oh, my, this is highly, oh, oh, irregular, oh, this is the last you've seen. Never skip like that. Olly, Olly.

Run away, Ollie, get out of our office. He attempts to crawl out of the office, and if no one stops him, he will, he will crawl away. I will walk above him and just, Spin on them from above. That's right, you're on the ceiling. Wow. My cape's like, f-hr-h-h-h-h-h-h-hallel. Charlottes, a lot of you. Charlottes.

Am I close? Hmm? Am I close? I think we're out of combat. Oh, look. Unless you do want to, like, gild him. I wanted to grapple him back. He did what we wanted, right?

Like, attacked the office, or do we want to capture it? Yeah, I want the PR photo. Oh, you want to get him, get him. Yeah. The big fish on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah. We did have security cameras of keeping all of this.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right. An assault. Still holding. Yeah. This is a, this is a, yeah, I'm gonna say this is like a mundane action

that you don't have to roll for. He's covered in bees and crawling away, mentally defeated. I called Bumblefuck, not audio logs. Oh. BumbleFug might be at IKEA right now. Yeah. That's right.

This is unbelievable. Digging through blue couches. Yep. And you are able to restrain Oli-Ali-Oxin-Frey. That's right. Get back here. Oli-A-Li-Oxin-Frey over here.

That's right. I look up at the security cameras. Uh, yeah, and don't you ever cause trouble again, Ollie. You stay at a Burbank. And you remember that this dispatch office will always defeat you. I fucking suck it.

It's hard. You'll rule the day that you. You'll rue the day that you mess with us, heroes. Birbank doesn't suffer fools. Because Burbank doesn't suffer fools, honey. I love it. You're trying to sell it to me, I'm sold. You can use the remainder of your free hair

to restrain him strongly enough. and we'll place them within the broom closet until the responsible authorities arrive. Yeah, I just, I combed through my hair and I get all the shed. I might have to get some stuff out of your house. You don't mind, but ever you have chains, rope, anything that could be useful?

There's lots of cheeseways. Pericle. Oh, that, yes, I'll find something to restrain them with. Oh, what time is it? It's starting to get a little bit later in the day. It's probably about 3.45, no. Oh shit, we missed lunch. Damn it! Owen!

Where's Owen? Is he at his desk? Owen is missing. God damn it! Wait, I have a good idea. If Owen's not here, maybe I could pretend to be Owen. And really like, what's the phrase? Pooch the screw? Yeah, that's the phrase.

Pooch the screw! We have hero trackers. We have trackers. We have trackers, right? Oh. Can I go to the computers and see where Owen is? Is he on the trackers? You could try to track down his particular tracker. Give me a knowledge role.

You're not in dispatch, so it's like a little bit harder for you. Oh, that's my best role of the night. That is 21, 22, 23 with hope. Yeah, 23 with hope. You are not only able to ask our testimony. that he's on his way back from lunch, but you're also able to tell that he didn't go to Chili's at all.

Where was he here? He was at IKEA. It's all starting to come together. Do you think he knew? This possibility that either he is secretly part of the team that you called, or he is pumble fuck. That would make so much sense.

Seven-layer dip of the trail. I'm gonna go back, oh, I'm gonna go back and look at all those records and see if I see any crime happening in those areas that those expense reports are coming from. You see that in this case, it overlaps, but in other cases it does not. Well, shit. I got nothing. I really felt.

How about we call him into a brief meeting, perhaps to celebrate the fact that he might be receiving a promotion with the presence of Inspector. Oh, sorry. Goethe in her office. And when we close the door, we get the information out of you. Yeah, I like it. We can use my office. We haven't spent a lot of time in your office lately. I like it. Do I get to be a gooby? Oh. Oh. If you like to.

Oh, quick question. Melody lost a dog? A bird dog? What? A bird dog? A bird dog. But, so she'll get fired if people find out that she brought this dog to work. You would all know as not interns that Melody Bird's dog is not a normal dog. It is a super dog. Oh shit. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Well, it got lost here? Yeah, so I was wondering, like, if we just want to put, you know, her on the list of the fat that we're trimming. How soon Delon gets here? Uh, I'll look at the tracker. He's about 15 minutes out. We have to find this dog. This can bring us all down. Quick, search for bird dog. Oh.

I'll take the second floor. I'll check the patio. The patio outside for a smoke, you fucking asshole. I'll take the opposite stairwell upward to see the second floor from that side. I'll check the ladies' room. Fitzroy, where do you want to go? Oh, I want to go down.

To the basement. Yeah, maybe Ronnie, maybe Ronnie. Good thing. I've seen it. All right. Yeah. Everyone give me an instinct roll who's looking for a bird dog.

Ronnie's in charge of payroll. Oh. Ooh. Oh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. That is bad.

Can you help me? Can I just re-roll something? Do you want me to use that now? No, it's not that important. No, no, you're not. 20 with hope for. Okay, okay. 24 with hope.

Oh. 14 with hope. 14 with hope. That's good. Four with hope. With hope. All right. The two of you immediately

become aware of a slight rumble beneath your feet. And it occurs to you that perhaps bird dog is growling. somewhere on the floor right below yours, which happens to be a dental office that specializes in 3D printing and visilline trays. Uh-oh.

Uh-huh. That is unfortunate. Like, I can't see from across the floors. Oh, no. Quickly. You run downstairs to see all of the 3D printers going haywires. Yeah, it's a horrible

freaking sound, and you just see a massive hulking dog with a big streak of yellow down its mohawk-like mane that runs down its back, big rippling haunches, and he's just like tearing up like what looks to be like

giant pillars of filament, probably worth thousands of dollars and just like ripping apart everything in this building. People are screaming and running for their lives. I don't understand. That's on this planet. We gotta take it down.

Birdie? Bad bird dog. Bad bird dog. Put it down. You say bad bird dog? Oh, no. Maybe. Oh no!

And then there were five. I didn't have a pet. I don't know how this works. Bird dog turns around and goes, make an agility reaction roll. Oh, no. That's a crit! Oh!

Don't get anything for it, but still, success. Let's see. I think in that case, it actually, let's see, just a second. Okay, you're good. You see. a wave of energy kind of emit from his mouth,

and you're able to leap out of the way as you see a 3D printer on your left, like, shatter with the subsonic sound. Good bird dog! Very good bird dog! Give me a presence check. Ah, huh, huh. 10 with hope.

A 10 with hope. Uh, yeah, bird dog then gets excited. I'm gonna spend another fear, and he leaps onto you. Uh, you can roll agility or instinct here as a reaction. Uh, instinct. Uh, that's gonna be a 14. One shy.

Oh. So you take, oh my god, 15 points of damage as bird dog leaps on your chest and starts licking your face. Oh. That's severe. I'll mark an armor slot to reduce that to major damage. His big tongue kind of wraps around your whole face,

almost paralyzing you. As he does so, you feel like your skin start to get a little numb. Marty! And his crushing weight is just like on your chest cavity. Mark, help me! I'll run over with my... With my mop, my mop blade, my mop saber,

and I'll take a strike at the tongue trying to free Mr. Blackwell. You see me to 13. That's not gonna do it. I can't even, you got this buddy myself. That is a, it's a nine with hope. Okay. Yeah, he's undeterred. In fact, as you poke at him with your stick,

he thinks you're playing with him and that gets him like a little more hype and then he does like a little bounce on top of on top of Blackwell as he thinks you're like maybe trying to play fetch with him and how big is a bird dog it's like the size of well he's about he's about the size of like

an Irish wolfhound and a half but he's just dense like he has like a sort of almost gravitational force to him like just energy compacted into a beast that's just fur and static. I'm gonna take a stress to magically transform into a creature of your tier lower for the beast form list, but I'm going to assume this wolfhound is one of it.

I'm going to turn into a bird dog, but a... There's a Loki story about this. But a seductive bird dog. No! Oh! I'm fighting it! I like it! Yes!

Yes! Yes! You're gonna get mounted by a bird dog. I'm just trying to get them off of Blackwell, all right. Immediately, like, sits up kind of like regally and like does like a little, puts like one paw forward and kind of like ducks his head a little bit, sniffing at you curiously.

I mirror it, back it up, playfully. He does one of those things Dodger do and they go, And I will bolt out of the room and break out into the parking lot. Immediately chases after you. I have enough. How the girls are doing. Oh, yeah. You think we should have followed him?

They probably got it. We probably got it. It's just a dog. Yeah. Like the size of a bird? Is that what a bird dog is? I think, yeah. It's just... Yeah. So that's not bad. With this, it's about 4.45. And as you all know, right before the end of the work days, when they celebrate any birthdays. Oh.

Oh, no. These last 15 minutes before 5 o'clock become very perilous for you all. As you assemble in the break room, bird dog now restrained in the parking line. in the parking lot. The office mostly put back to normal after the oxen-free attack. You all look a little worse for the wear. It's been a rough day, but you've done some good work today.

In fact, the office is a little bit of buzz, especially some of the work you've been putting in. As you kind of congregate and pass around plates of paper, you're actually celebrating how Dawes well. Well's Creation Day, a strange cyborg entity with a head like one of these monitors back here with a smiley face on it. This was the day on which he was created. He looks at all of you and goes, greetings, fine people, tis I, Hal Daweswell.

Yes, we know. We congregate today for Mind Creation Day. Please, eat, drink, be merry. Thank you, and let it not be misunderstood that we appreciate each and every one of our employees and treat them with due respect, appreciation in celebration, like any branch worth maintaining. And I need to see your expense reports by tomorrow morning.

As you all know, I myself cannot enjoy the delight of human cake. But whilst you partake, I shall be partaking in the holy thermal paste, which I shall apply to my divine circuitry. Oh, in fact, Owen, why don't you have the first bite? Owen. Owen.

Um, you look around. Owen's not here. Owen? What are you? Where'd Owen go? He should be. He's on the clock right now. He should be in this office.

Just as you say this, he comes in late. Hair, a little bit too-sulled. Too-sult. Oh, I didn't miss it. Did I? Gosh, great one, Hal. Great job on that update. Great.

I mean, that rollover? Oh, is crazy. Good one, this guy, this guy, thermal paste. Love you, I love you. Oh, and there's another celebration today as well. Owen, we've heard word that it's your cultural heritage day. I'm white. Your family from Santa Barbara.

For celebrating Santa Barbara Day. It does require we have a special reward for you in my office, though, if you wouldn't mind. Coming with us. Santa Barbara Day? Yes. Oh my gosh, you guys can barely remember any of the holidays. You remember this one. It's so important.

Look at you guys. Come, we have any more. I remember when I tried to get casual Friday going, you're a bunch of grumpy gusses. You're like, ain't nobody trying to do all that, Owen, and now you got Santa Barbara Day. This guy, this is a rigging guy. Yeah. I did my office. Oh, of course.

Right away, Mr. Blackwell. Yes. Thank you. eating your imbidements, your divine paste. Enjoy your cake. Cost of fucking fortune. Right this way, Owen. Thank you.

Shall we? Yeah. Blinds. Owen sits down. I gotta say, I feel like this was such a delight, such a pleasure. Pleasure's all on this side of the table. I'm certain.

Owen, it's come to some of our understanding that you've some irregularities in your work habits. Is that correct? What? Where are you been, Owen? I don't know what I mean. Where do you eat at chilies? Well, I do, those are expensed lunches.

I am doing business at chilies. With who? With a variety of associates that I meet with for our accounts. Why are you always taking the train? Well, you know, sometimes I like to be more fuel conscious than some of us, you know? Why do your business associates at Chili's always have the same meal? Well, I've got to say, guys, these are the really weird, hyper-specific question. Where were you this afternoon?

No one? I was having lunch with a very important contact. At the IKEA. They have a great food court. They actually do have a great food court. You can get anything. You can get anything there. Give me a presence check.

If you're trying to intimidate him. Very, very much to me so. I'm going to spend a hope to use my shadow weaver feature and another hope to use my brand manager experience. I will order over him in my office, in my branch, and cause the corners of the chamber to grow darker around me. And the light seems to subside until it's just

the singular desk lamp I have that's bouncing from underneath, giving me that sort of like Vincent Price underlit experience as I lean forward. Like, Owen, we know everything. This is now your chance to come clean. That's gonna be... 25 with hope. Wow.

He immediately crumbles. I'm so sorry, Mr. Blackwell, I really like this job. I really do, you know? But sometimes it's really hard to make the really tough sales figures, so sometimes I listen in on your phone calls. And I take your leads. And when I heard about the lead at an IKEA, I wanted credit for it. So I went to IKEA.

And as for the Chili's thing, okay, there's a waitress there I like. And so I take my business associate there and I always tip her really well. And I'm still a good worker. I'm still a good person. I haven't killed anybody. You eat people. I just, I just, I, my dad used to own a Cadillac dealership. I was to not, I'm not even supposed to be here.

And I make the best of it. And you guys come in and you're all grumpy every day. And, oh, is it cool to want to, is it not cool to want to do your job? Oh, is this the crash out you wanted Mr. Blackwell? Tone it down, Owen. There's a lot. I think that's, I forget that. Plorp gets his wish and he probably starts crying.

It's so embarrassing with my receipts in front of me like this. Why is it embarrassing? It's only because your life has crumbled around you and you realize your entire work effort has been a sham in the face of our crumbling company in which they're telling us to let go people. You seem to be climbing to the top of that list, isn't there? Right, oh, isn't that right, oh. I unleashed the shadow from the corner,

so the camera, my room's been catching all of this as well. Oh. Cry for me, boy. Cry for a senator. It feeds him. You're late every Monday. No, you have no evidence to back in a. You shot down the Hawaiian shirt Friday.

That was a communal decision. And I thought the picnic at the park was a fun thing to do. I'm gonna, I wanna get you for this. It's fucking hot outside, Owen. Nobody wants to go outside for a fucking picnic. Probably also not on their day off. It's 99 degrees yesterday. My cape kind of like curls up and starts like sucking the tears from his face.

Yeah, you hear porc though. Yes, weep for me, little man. Fist your tears, that you're soul. Do any of us hear blorp? No, I don't think it's. You just see me going, Oh, jeez. Blessing salt, it feeds me.

Yes, drink deep, my sweet. Nothing, nothing. It's almost end of the workday. Very well, Owen. You will be part of our review tomorrow. I assume, lest you have some major means of making it up to the company, the Burbank SDN will have much to discuss with our guest tomorrow about your recent and glances of the papers over in your hand. Historical irregularities. Is there anybody else who you've been working with, or have you been working alone? No, it's just me. Damn it. Very well.

Thank you for your time in your tears. Bye. Bye. Collects his things. You see him take like one of the cardboard boxes and preemptively start putting his things into it. The chop mark gets so bad, so dittily dang bath right now. Dittly dang!

When God, clothes is... the door, he opens a window, so you can jump out of it. Well, that seemed rather success. Right? Yeah. Really? Okay. You're a knock at the door. Command.

I'm standing there as coovie. We can wear so on. Right. I forgot that was part of the plan. She's two. I grew six arms. Six arms, it requires a lot of energy. I'm starting to bleed out of my ears. Can you let it go?

Can you let it go? Oh, oh. I need to, lie down a little bit. Oh. I almost died. How do we do? You did great. Wonderfully.

He was so scared of your presence as you approached. He ran out and practically quit. himself. Glad I can help save the company! All right, Will. Y'all want to hit up drinks tonight? Cape and Cal? Cape and Cal or chilies? Well, I preemptively made a phone call this afternoon to give a tip to one toots. Fun toots. Fun toots.

That about seven o'clock this evening, when most are finishing with work in making their way to their local grocer to pick up materials that a heist is to occur. We send real fast our evening shift team to encounter with our fairly extensive camera crew to prepare for the morning's report.

Of course, I'll let us. dispatch now thank you kindly and thank you for the suggestion yeah you're welcome I'm doing a very important napkin calculation before you leave work for the day do you post the social media post oh for sure and it's a meme edit what's that what's a me you know it's got like a there's like a Z zebra superimposed on it and the zebra's doing like a do do do do do like the you know just to make sure we get those views hashtag hashtag see world's dead love of all the things give me a knowledge of all the things

Give me a knowledge role to see if you can, like, comprehend and analyze social media trends. Oh, shit. You got this, you got this. Analyze social media. To help you on this. Like, all right. So, I have a niece who does these posts quite frequently,

and while I'm not quite able to interface, I can suggest a few meme-tastic editions. Okay. So you can add a decent, okay. Okay. Okay. It's a seven. You can do this, buddy, and once per rest,

I'll allow you to re-roll by taking the words of support. Oh, thank you. Okay, it's a, yeah, it's a 15 with hope. Plus five. Plus five, it's a 20 with hope. A 20, perfect. Nice. Oh, you take a hit point for them.

That would hurt me, but I needed it. As you load into the digit truck that is miraculously still there, not because there was not an attempt to tow it. There definitely was. It's just that attempt was unsuccessful, given the size of the vehicle. You notice one of the plates in the front has fallen off, but your car is still there. But as you load into the digit truck, you notice that your video is kind of doing numbers,

just within the first 30 minutes of posting. You guys, I think we're going viral. That's incredible. Yeah, that's amazing. I knew. Who keyed my car? Huh? Who keyed my car?

Who didn't? I'm sure we could look over the security footage. It's highly accessible. Sorry. We probably shouldn't do that. Right. Focus on the tasks ahead. Yeah, we don't want to waste resources.

Very well. Drink, send. Drinks. Yeah. You head to the cape and cowl? Or chilies. Oh, right. Cape and cow are chilies.

Oh, I guess. Cape and Cal have more people there that we can talk to. That's true. That you could talk to. Listen, it takes a fine selection. Although I've seen most of them, if I'm being honest. I have my hands of ten and you. I have my hands at 10 and 2, and then release them

as it goes into a terrifying autopilot, and we're like, well, I feel like this is a rather accomplished day. It's worth celebrating outage, sorry. So, yes, let's celebrate. And see what other leads you might find. Sweet senator. You pull into the cape and cowl, and the crowd is a little bit thicker tonight.

You notice people are kind of drinking out of stress, maybe not celebration. and there's some people that maybe made blenders at work today and are a little bit on edge about how their reviews are gonna go the next day. There's a lot of commiserating happening, but there are other people that feel like they're safe. The din is not its usual raucous sort of wall

that you walk into. It's just a little bit more subdued than usual. We should go to Jilis. I'm gonna make my way around the Cape Cal and just try and pick up on any conversations, anyone that seems particularly worried about today's actions. Yeah, go ahead and give me an instinct roll.

14 is fair. Okay. You do hear something. 14 is high enough. you hear your good friend, Ian, also known as the Incrediless Bulk. He's massive, he's purple, and he's really been doing quite well since he took up the anger management. But you notice him nursing a rather large flagon of something dark that smells a little bit acrid as he's sitting. there and he's just like oh man all these years all these years I sat I just

can't believe it you mess up one decimal spot mess up one thing on the wrong day and then it's just it's all gone and what am I gonna do you know bulk Is that you? Well, Marty. Did you say, hey, hey. Did you say you were, what, did something happen today because of your equations? I messed up big time, man. I messed up big time.

It's like my fingers are so big. Sometimes when I click on the little kizos, I hit the wrong one. And I did it today, and I ended up sending, you know, the squad with the fire user to the the fire, and I ended up sending the squad with the water bender to the drowning, and people are really upset with me now, but I just, I got the, I got him mixed up, and I don't know what I'm gonna, I'm, I'm, I'm losing my job tomorrow. No, no, honest mistake. And you know, Becca left me for a younger, hotter bulk.

Oh. So I already got to pay that, you know, and it's just, I've really been struggling, because I just want to, you know, and I've just, I've really been struggling with it. What are you drinking there, a pulky? Oh, this is Yeagermeister and Fernette. That sounds like regret. Yeah, listen. It burns so good, because all I want to do is burn down the Burbank, S-D-N.

No, it's okay. Because when you get in the ring, With the bulk, you get the Hulk. Oh, sorry. Yeah, old habits, they die hard. Yeah, sorry. Well, listen, if you think things are gonna go poorly, I probably have some people you could talk to,

but I'm sure they recognize all of your excellent service up till now. Do you think so? Of course. Give me a presents check. Last one, that's a, yes, that's a 13 with fear. He heals one stress. I hope you're right. I really hope you're right.

You always got my back, Marty, thank you. Of course. Have you ever been, or has your branch ever been hammered before? No, first time. You know? You know? I don't know that I want to get hammered. There's normally guys like us is wees that do the hammering.

Right. You know, when I was in the ring, I was somebody. And yeah, I pulped a few guys. You know? Maybe that was bad. You know, but you can't make jam without squishing some apples. I think that's a thing that's a thing that they say. You know what? I think you should talk to Mr. Blackwell or Miss Honeycott.

We're going to be doing everything we can to save our branch. And you, you're an asset. Thanks, Marty. That place would have burned down. a long time ago without you. Just stay with the Yeager. I'll be back. I'll bring you an Everclear, okay? Okay.

All right. He fist bumps you. Oh. Just nothing. Just applesauce in my head. I'll head back and tell the others, he'll have bulk's over there, and he looks pissed.

He thinks he's going to get the axe. What did he do? He did some wrong dispatches, and now they're coming after him. Add him to the list. Oh, no. He's a solid guy. Plus, I mean, maybe we could use him.

How? Well, I mean, instead of dispatching with the orders that he has, maybe he could, you know, play along the line. Yeah, I suppose we could do that. Now, we're trying to cut the fat, Marty. Mm-hmm. And so far, we got, what, four names? Three in a question mark.

Well, we got Owen. We got Lizzie. Got Melody. Sorry, Melody. Melody, yeah, her fucking bastardster dog. She's out today. She's out. I know.

You know how much money she probably cost us? But she has such a villainous way about her. As my assistant, that I don't draw, but I suppose, put her on there. And now we got in. You know, that's a good amount. How many did you over here that we needed to cut? Over here?

Didn't you overhear people talking about percentages? No. Oh, all right, everybody then. But you could cut my pay. Cool. I don't remember off the top of my head how much you make, Marty. It's pretty modest. Cut Markey's pay.

I'd offer to cut my pay, but I'm not paid. We can pay you and then cut it. That's true, that would look good. Okay. Yeah. That's complicated. What are we doing? We got time.

We should just be trying to save the bulk. What time is it? But the bulk of the... It's confusing. Is the grocery store under attack yet? Has that happened already? It should have been. Did you dispatch the...

the secondary team? Yeah, of course I did. Let's look at the news. You're in check if there are any needs. You notice that the news is reporting on a rash of attacks in Burbank, and that perhaps there needs to be more done to invest in Burbank's security.

This is our chance. Wait, but shouldn't the reports be that SDN is superheroes or fighting the rash of crime. Well, that if Ian's improperly dispatching heroes. Oh, shit. Was Ian the one that I talked to and dispatched it? You don't recall.

But the math is kind of mathing a little bit. Oh, no. Did we up the crime and not properly handle the fix? Should we be shut down? Are we the bad guys? I'm going to be the baddies. Oh, root row. I'm going to need a drink.

All right, yes, I can get drinks. What did you want? I want a whiskey on the rocks. Whiskey on the rocks, Marty? 151. Jesus Christ. Yes, you, Fletier. I may need a drink.

Yes. Yes? What would you like? What's a nice alcohol? Lemon drop. Whiskey on the rocks. Lemon drop sounds nice. Vodka soda.

That's nice and easy. It's a little sweet. Long Island iced tea. Oh yeah, that sounds, I love ice tea. Damien, don't you give her no Long Island ice tea. You know what that'll do to her. Is Long Island dad? Yeah.

I'll get you what I'm having. Okay. Brandy and Fago. Are we in a competition to come up with the nastiest trees? I think so. There's no competition. There's only a winner over here. I don't know.

Literally, I was thinking of a drink with Furnett and you dropped out. I was like, oh, that's awful. Well, very well. There has to be a way about this. If indeed the social push on the media is that Burbank needs to be invested in its defenses. And we can take that and spin it with the coverage of the things we have managed to.

Did it at least the Whole Foods thing to take them care of? Let's actually roll to see how well that went. I have some of your dispatcher. We sent people and some people to film it to IKEA. Let's see if the IKEA in the home. The unfortunate part of this for you guys is that your MPCs have been rolling very terribly, because I'm rolling for them.

Oh. Let's see here. Okay. Oh, that's a crit. So the Whole Foods job went very well. Great. That's fantastic. You know there were so many people there.

They probably all got it on film. Oh, yes. Who did? Which villain did you send to Whole Foods? That was Toots. Toots. Toots. His name is Toots.

Toots. It's very different from Tuts up in New Hampshire. Tuts. Toots. Toots. Toots was apprehended and taken down. Great. For farting on the deli meats.

Ew. That is disgusting. It's really terrible, the Whole Foods, too, because there's no fast way to get out to rent. The next morning, you're a little bleary-eyed. Yes. But... Do we clear our stress overnight? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Okay. You recover your stress. Ah, yes, actually. All right, let me look. You can tend to your wounds. Clear your stress, repair your armor, any two of those.

Correct. All right. The morning commute, this morning is uneventful. It's the traffic is light. You all have a quiet sort of. a quiet sort of somber mood and this time when you come into work Owen isn't there to mock you the fluorescent lights beam of hope but a little bit of despair hope because you think that you've done some good work over the past few days despair because you still aren't sure if

everyone's going to make it out of this in one piece. And even though this place some days feels like your prison, some days it feels like your family away from family. But maybe that's because you work here way too much and you don't have a really good work-life balance. You get the familiar shock when you turn the handle. Curse the door handle as you do. The duct tape on the floor seems especially shiny.

and, of course, you are ushered into the boardroom for your individual meetings with the hammer. Now, you're not surprised by the vision that you're met with. Actually, all of you got this information from the bar, but Mort and Gordy Hammerick are comprised of one massive boulder of a man with a super scientist psychic kind of jutting out of his torso that kind of does all of his communicating for him. And the two of them form the entity that will determine your fates and the fate of the Burbank SDA. The lights in the boardroom are bright. You can smell stale coffee, Chinese takeout printer ink

in fact Morton Gordy's hands are blackened at the tips with printer ink as they kind of sit with steepled fingers you're not called in first it kind of feels like waiting for the executioner you see different members

maybe some that you're closer with some that you're not go in and come out either looking crestfallen or looking relieved. And it's a little hard to watch. You see a sad computer monitor with legs, kind of droop, throwing up a sad face emoji, as you realize that perhaps the good doc has not made the cut.

As you sit kind of like waiting, Ian comes and says to you, Marty, I don't know I don't know if I'm going to make it Yeah, probably not It's pretty grim They cut Hal Dosswell

That's feel that haven't hurt I know he was an old model But he probably could have We probably could have gotten him an update or something printing budget was crazy with that thing though he couldn't he had to like print out everything but yeah why are you okay yeah job job yeah you know it's a natural cycle these things well Marty I'm sure you'll be fine you haven't messed anything up have you

Nope. I clean things up. Honestly, if you go in there and say that, you know, it's the anticipation that's killing me. I just wish I could burn it! Thanks for, you know, no matter what happens, good luck in there. You're a good one, Ian. You're a good one, too, Marty.

I'm gonna go take a shit. Okay Last dump on the company Dine And he trudges with determination towards the bathroom To shit on the company Dollar Nice

Respect All right I'm going to have you guys roll to see who goes in first With the Specialists What are we adding anything to this or just Just straight Just straight

16. 13. 13 as well. Ooh. Six but double threes. Ooh. So I'll let you decide if you want to go first or last. Last. No, first. First. First. First. I'll go first. Okay.

Oh boy. The desk has been polished to a gleam that you can see your own face in because you You polished it. There's a massive stack of papers next to the two specialists. In the corner, you see the six-armed entity kind of gently supervising. And as you walk in, they're like, hey, buddy, the head on the torso says. Come on in, sit down. Great to have this little chat with you.

Just want to talk a little bit about what you do at the company. And just see where you're at. Like what's your day like if you just want to walk us through that and talk to us a little bit about, you know, just what you do here at Burbank, SDN? Oh, sure. I walk up to the chair and I kind of like clean off the seat before I sit down. You know, I'm really concerned with keeping the working environment tip top because to function at your best, you have to look like you work at the best.

Um, anyway, I, so I take care of the outside and inside of the building and I also tend to anyone's needs, inside, the first or second floors. Um, and, uh, yeah, I, I kind of just fill in wherever I'm needed. Oh, okay, would you, could, would you describe yourself as a team player? No. Oh. Okay. I'm, I'm more of a, like a, like a lone wolf. Oh, you see the clipboard come out?

Okay. But that operates in a pack as a loan? Well, you know, it's just that we're looking for people that are really a You know, when a problem that comes up, how do you handle that? Something unexpected. I instantly mimic him by turning into what he looks like and I go, I just adapt and handle it and return back to myself. Now that's impressive.

I'm really good at taking orders and I'm a quick learner. Quick learner. You know, I just, I gotta say, you've got to say you've got middle management written all over you this is baffling to me you know you just got all of these qualities that on paper tell me that you are somebody that is begging for attention that's begging to be seen to be noticed and maybe this is a chance for you I think you haven't been properly challenged. I think we want to challenge you. A spot just opened, DTLA, S-D-N. That's a big building.

They got a whole janitorial staff down there, buddy. A whole staff? A whole staff. They need somebody to manage that staff. I've been looking through your files. I'll need some time to think about it. I got to say it. I've been looking through some of your files. Ships here, well, it's a sloppily run ship. It's not a tight ship, but you got to say it's clean. Clean as a whistle. That just sold me even more. I just, it would be my honor to just reach right across this table and just shake your hand and just, you know, offer you this. this position. I'll need some time to think about it.

I do have a lot of other offers out there. I appreciate your interest, though. I'll get back to you. And I stand up and I leave. Wow. You just hear them as they're, as you walk away. Wow. What a wasted talent.

Wow. Just, who's job was it to look at that and think, let's put them at the bottom of the ladder. Because let me tell you, and that's what you hear. I slept the door, I'm like... How'd it go? It was a bloodbath. They're considering promoting me.

What? Isn't that a good thing? I'm not sure. Promotion! I need to go to the bathroom. And I... Oh, run to the bathroom. Oh. Oh!

I go up the stairs. off the stairs. Doo do, do, do, do. A promotion? That's good. Right? Yeah. Where do you think they're getting the money to promote, if they're promoting him?

I've seen a lot of people leave in that office with a frowny face, you know? They're probably... I'm sure they've cut some of the fat, but also I have an influx of interest from the successful endeavours that we've laid throughout the town. So I'm certain there's...

I'm certain they're confident in our capabilities. Who's next? I rolled a 16. So I'm next. All right, top to bottom, huh? All right. I'm not walking without a cigarette because I'm serious about this business.

Good morning, Miss Honeycutt. That's right. Oh, amazing, please. Sit, sit. Would you like a glass of water, perhaps a lemonade? I'm all right. Thank you so much. Really interesting office you run here. You're the office manager. That's right, I am. Yeah, could you walk us through some of your formal education, if you will?

It's all here, but I'm still going to have you repeat it, just because I would like to know it through your words. Yeah, well, I'm Queen Bee. served with the the star children stupid name for a group for several years and then you know as I sort of settled down I decided

I needed something more permanent so I've been serving here as an office manager for 15 years now You know, you caught a pretty big blunder in the system yesterday, I got to say. I caught a few of them, actually. You have an entire accounting department, and yet none of them missed this entire thing with Owen.

He's gone. Let him go. Get him out. Go to run it. That's right. But I got to say, it was really your quick thinking and attention and detail that got us there. Thank you very much. And that's the kind of go-getter attitude we really like here. We really like that.

You know, and the crime this area has been rocketing, and it seems like you've just, you know. We really stepped it up. Yeah, you did. You did. It feels like you really have both hands on the wheel here. Love to see that. That's right.

You know, love the knowledge you bring to the position. Love that you got boots on the ground experience. That's really important. We really like that, too. Just have a couple questions for you. Anything, yeah, you ask. The paper goods budget. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Now, I know that that's not the only part of your job. But what percentage of your job would you say office supplies is? You know, 40%. Here's a thing. 40%. Here's a thing. Up until yesterday. Now, you might be aware I have fired Lizzie as my assistant.

And when I was doing all my paperwork yesterday and looking at accounting and whatnot, I realized that Lizzie was overordering that paper by a lot. You know, so I moved her off of my assistant job, got Frizzy in her place, Fritzy. She's a great gal, and found she's capable to so many things. You know, I upgraded her to social media manager. You hired someone and then gave them a promotion within 24 hours? Well, it's my assistant job as well. You know, it's another title.

Still the same amount of pay, but it makes her feel special. And we've been needing some good PR around here. That's really novel way of managing. When you give people excess responsibility but the same amount of pay, it lets them know what they're capable of. That's right. Give me a presents roll. Can I add an experience to this? You actually get a plus two to this for, let me check my notes here,

fudging the sales records to make them look like they're in your name, and for Busting Owen. We've literally been graded through this entire session. session, this is awesome. Can I add my scene at all experience? Absolutely. Go ahead and spend the hope. All right. And I'm going to.

Need to beat a 15. Oh. Oh, okay. That's great. That's 17 off the bat plus two, plus three, plus two. So way over a 15. Way over. With hope.

With hope. Well, you know, that's some really novel thinking. You're bringing in some pretty cool new ways of managing. When it comes to management, we have several modalities, as it were, pardon the vernacular. And you have a very unique, fresh, young. And honestly, we could use more women in management. It's good. Good optics.

No, I got to ask you, I'm going to ask you one more. thing here. Some of your dispatchers, if you had to choose which ones were to, let's say, be all, let go. Which ones would you, would you pick? Listen. Because looking at it, you got a crack team of soups. You got Marty just killing it in the, in the logistics stuff. department. Lots of great up-and-coming young talent on the roster. They understand the importance of outreach, influencing, content creation. Really important. We look at that a lot these days. We look at the brand a lot these days. But the dispatch, I'm seeing a big problem with dispatch. Yeah. Look, I don't want to talk bad about any of my employees. Oh, but we're not really talking

bad, we're just comparing notes. Professional to professional. I know that, look, I don't want to say anything, but I know Ian's been dropping the ball a little bit lately. Yeah. Good guy, good guy, but, you know, making some big mistakes there. Who hired Ian?

I don't know. I think that was, you know, Ian's been around a long time. I think he was hired before Mr. Blackwell got in the office. Okay. I was gonna say, you know, some of the staffing issues, how much of the hiring would you say Mr. Blackwell does? Oh, you know, I'm not fully aware of all of it, but probably 80% of the employees now

or were previously employed. And Mr. Blackwell brought in about an adult. additional 20%. And a lot of the people that, you know, he's hired have been, they've been ringers, they've been good. He brought in Marty after all. Is that true? Sure.

Give me a presents, another presence role. This one needs to be a 20. Oh, God, okay. Shit, I'm going to add my experience to that as well. I think Marty predates. Marty predates, Mr. Blackwell. Probably. Marty's ancient.

Okay, well. Okay. That's 20. Yeah. Hell yeah. But that's with a fear, unfortunately. Well, Marty's a great get. And honestly, the only crime is that I feel like his talents haven't been adequately nourished.

Well, you know, Ms. Honeycutt, we got no problems with you. We've decided we're not going to close this branch. We think it can be saved, but we're just going to be tightening up the operations a little bit. And as part of that, we might have you take on some additional responsibilities and maybe take on a bigger title. Thank you very much. It's good. That wouldn't come with a pay raise, would it?

Absolutely it would. Oh. And stock options. This has been a great meeting, you know, I really enjoyed talking to you. Of course. Of course. We'll move you into a bigger office space. We're going to have a lot.

We're going to have tons of it. But we're going to be moving to a more hot desk type of layout where the employees don't really have desks. They just have stations to kind of come into where they can use that. But you'll have your designated space. designated space and we might increase the number of people under you up to two so you'll be able to have everything you need to kind of do what you need to do best thank you very great to send the next person yeah I was I'll send them right on in shut the door go straight for a cigarette so what's the back went

great went great I might be getting a promotion what yeah I really talked to you up in there all right oh you didn't have to do that. And you too. You're doing great. Really? Yeah. Are you all getting promotions?

This is going a lot better than I expected. Yes. Everyone did kind of ball together these past few days and really showed, showed their quality. You know what? I'm gonna, I think all of us have been great, and I'm gonna inspire us right now. And all of us right here, we get to take our stress away. Too stress. If you got stress, you can mark it down. I didn't sleep very well as me.

So I know that. I know that, Fritzie. Thank you. She got my name for you. Thanks, Miss Honeycutt. Fritzie this whole time. Yeah. Oh, you do. I'm so sorry. Oh, it's okay. You know what?

You've proven yourself adequate. You go next. Oh, thank you. I've called. Okay, here we go. Fritzie, don't fuck out. You've got this. Thank you. Hello, I am Fritzy.

I'm sorry. Hi. Hello, yeah. If you could just come on in, have a seat. Yeah, there's a chunk of water there for you. Nothing to be nervous about. Just kind of want to know what you do here, because it seems like you've been bouncing around apartments.

Yeah, it doesn't look good. Trying to figure out where a puzzle piece fits is an important part of of how all this works so where do you think you fit in I fit here okay I am a value ad I am a culture fit I am unpaid I am unpaid You know what? I went viral. I don't see any problems with any of this. You know, you got to pay your dues, you know, and you got to do the time.

And I love boots on the ground go get her. Yeah. I mean, I think we're done here. If you want to send in the next guy, this is great. Will. Leave. Fabulous. Thanks.

Wonderful to meet you, Fritzie. Keep doing you, hon. Okay, bye. Keep doing you. God, I love college kids. God, they're the best. Oh, I don't get paid. I think it went well.

I think I'm still here. That's good. I think I'm still unpaid, though. We'll change that tomorrow. Yes, we'll get that, we'll get that remedy immediately. Woo! Your turn. Right, of course.

Get that promotion. They're just handing them out. He's handing them out. Apparently, it just seems to be the case. All right, I'll see all of you cats all on the other side. All right, Anatole, with me, friend. Hello. Hello, Mr. Blackwell, please have a seat.

Of course, of course, my pleasure. Was it Hamerick, right? Yes. Yes. Mort and I'm Gordy. Mort and good, the pleasure's mine. Yes, of course, Mr. Blackwell. Your office is in shambles.

Oh, that is a really exaggeration. It has gone through some challenging points and time, some beyond our control, but we've managed to pull it together each and every moment in which a challenge presented itself. I don't like to think of challenges as challenges. I like to think of them as growth opportunities. And we've grown. We have. If you look at the numbers of successful dispatches and even just the past few days, callings of required assistance from the SDN here in Burbank. We had a wave of crime, criminal activity that seemed to threaten the very citizens.

And yet, even overtime work was done to ensure they felt safe at their very home, their place of business. You're making some really good points, and I want to acknowledge those while also acknowledging that you could have been doing this much sooner. I would like to address your hesitancy in your action. Methodical problem solving. How would you describe your methodology? I would describe it as plotting. plotting. I have experience in plotting.

What would you have experience with? Well, I was initially, I don't know if you're aware of this, but I was once known as Mr. Mifisto. Oh, I am well aware of Mr. Mifisto. Well, then you know, I'm quite accomplished in plotting, actually. And so for me, it's not so much the immediacy more than the long-term goal. Well, unfortunately, immediacy is important to this structure of work specifically. I mean, the SDN has very quick turnarounds and timelines.

I question whether or not you would be able to adjust to our pace of doing business. As a manager, you rely on your team to handle things that are beneath your surveillance space. The big head growls at you. You take too stress. But yes, you trust in your team. You trust in your team, and we do have quite a moving, shaking team.

Some upcoming youth, one of which, you know, a fine Fritzy has already proven quite, and I will strongly recommend that they receive a fair compensation for their immediately proven position at this company for the... A compensation? Of course. But we pay inexperience.

You take another stress. Wouldn't you say that experience is its own reward, building a catalog of not only work history, but also contacts, exposure? In a corporate atmosphere, of course, but I also understand here. Burbank is not an expensive place to live, neither is Los Angeles in general,

and for someone to put their personal effort and interests into the company's aesthetic, such as a young, bright-eyed individual as her. It is more than just a company interest. It is investment in her future, in her truth, and her ability to live and thrive under the banner of Estienne. So I would disagree. Give me a presence role.

And I'm going to spend a hope to add my branch manager experiences. Yes. All right. A 20 with hope. You make some good points. Perhaps investing in talent is a great way to keep them on board. Indeed.

And you did bring Marty on board. I... Yes, I did. Did you not bring Marty on board? And of course, he was... were under the impression that you had onboarded, well, your batting average is a bit strange. Let's talk about Melody Byrd.

Now, you chose this young talent as your direct report. Yes, she has quite an energy about her that just, it fit well with my work aesthetic. She has proven since to be a bit challenging in her responsibilities, and I would recommend her to possibly be some of the fat cut from the force, if you understand. When she was in here, she told us she had just been dealing with some personal problems.

If you were in my chair, how would you handle that? And furthermore, do you ever see yourself in my chair? And furthermore, what are your plans to be in my chair? First and foremost, I was unaware that she was having personal problems, and I would first ask if these are anything that would impact her work, and then I would request her to do her best to not let them impact her work, and if it requires assistance outside of work, I'd be happy to provide her with that sort of guidance outside of the work experience. As far as your chair, we are all aspirational beings, being human beings. And indeed, I have lofty goals to one day perhaps have my own little fiefdom here under Estia.

Fiefdom. That's an interesting word. It's a poor choice. Is that how you would describe your managerial style? Would you describe it as a fiefdom? No. Take another stress. I would. Do you fashion yourself as a sort of.

king, a sort of ruler over your employees? No, I would not at all deign to assume such. It's a shared responsibility that requires a very clear, singular vision to guide it forward, which is what a manager does. Imagine a not a king over its subordinates, its employees? Take another stress. Subordinates, king. These are troublesome words. I like to think of myself as a thought leader, not a king.

Right. I was using examples as a metaphor for... Kings are inherited titles, whereas the one that you wear should hopefully be one that you earned or are qualified for. Wouldn't you agree? I would agree. It was merely a... I was making a reference to historical analogies

to play for the storytelling of it all, which is what we do with our new social media push that has been so successful is to tell the stories about our successes here. We're learning the opportunities to not just be a company, and a business, but we are indeed a brand. Was the social media push your idea? He glances over her shoulder and makes contact with Barbara. No, that was Barbara's idea.

Hmm. Is there any reason we shouldn't consider Barbara for your position? How would you rate her work ethic and her ability to manage a team? And furthermore, where do you believe her flaws lie? Would she not be suitable for such a position? She is a very accomplished individual and a great asset to the SDN brand, especially this branch. proven quite quick on her feet. A wit that is adaptable. I would say she has unique taste

in partners. Maybe not the most incisive ability to read the quality of someone she lets close, but outside of the professional space. I do not see that bleed into the office necessarily. as well as a, I think she is a strong fit for any management position within the company. And if we were to bring her into a higher role, what role do you see yourself fitting in? Well, to answer your previous final question, I see myself overseeing wider swaths of this company, quite like the seat that you take to this day. One who can look into and read the insides and outs of others and judge them appropriately and see where best they fit in a long-fitting plot, such as the long-reaching harms of a company. Is that not plotting in its own right? I'm gonna let you decide what you want to roll for this.

It can be, you have options on your sheet. I do, I do. I'm thinking, I think this is gonna be instinct because he's now trying to read Hamrick. That makes sense to me. That makes sense to me. Cordy. All right. Oh God, oh God, I didn't mean to roll that. You just need to be 15. All right, and I'll spend a hope to.

Where are you at stress-wise? Oh, I only have one left. And the sweat beads are falling. I will say, as you see, true leadership shows entrepreneurial spirit. And I myself have they're on the ground floor of crafting a financial future for myself and other like-minded soups. And should the opportunity arise after our discussion today,

there might be a door open for you, Hamerick, both of you. And that's a creep. It is! It is! It is! That is the cream of game! The greatest game!

What is it? This is the greatest game! Oh my god! Oh my shit, double sixes! Oh, so it's a nine. No, it's not! Oh my god! Well, I'm sure you would agree with the volatility of the market that looking at other forms of revenue truly is the way forward.

I'm very interested in hearing about your alternative investment opportunities at a private time. I'd be happy to. And strangely enough, some individuals out there have been able to turn pieces of art into extremely valuable bits of digital currency. We're talking at the time. I think we need to have dinner at some point.

I think things are going to be changing at Burnbank SDN. And I think they're going to be changing for the better. I couldn't agree more. And with that. The efficiency experts leave Burbank, S.D.N. In the parking lot, you see a dejected, incredulous bulk destroying a digi car, whatever it was called. Just let him go.

Smashing it to pieces. Let him go. My CDs were in there. CDs. And you all debrief. at the Cape and Cowell. Good job. Fritsey, I want to make sure you get on that payroll

as soon as possible, all right. Thank you. Agreed. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. I have to say, I didn't think we were going to pull it off. I did.

I believed in us. Also, I feel like a lot of you really showed up for me, and I really thank you for all the encouragement to my face and also the nice things you said, I think, behind my back. Right? That's right. Marty, you're sticking around, you're gonna go over to downtown.

No, I'm going to downtown. This has all been part of a larger plot. I thank you for your participation and would have been a carefully laid out exercise and you have all played your roles beautifully. I must take my leave now. Your lives will be over soon. I'm just fucking with you.

I turned down to promotion. I want to stay here. Oh, Marty, that's great. Yeah, I mean, you know. That's wonderful. The lights still have all the bees in them and stuff. And until it's clean, I'm gonna stay and I'm gonna get mean. Happy to have you.

As I withdraw my hand from under the table and the dark purple energy fades. Oh, Mephisto. I've still got a few kicks of magic in me yet. You're a good guy, Mephisto. But I'm spreading that rumor around. I have a reputation to build. And with all of you dreading that tomorrow is Fritzis to turn to drive...

I have the learner's permit, you guys. It's going to be okay. You all get ready to go back for another day at Burbank SDN. There's some days that you wonder if maybe you've sold your soul for the almighty dollar. but on days like this you realize that once in a while you do manage to do some good and maybe sometimes doing some good costs you a little bit of your soul

under fluorescent lights, paper clips and a lot of corporate jargon. Thank you for joining me for this one shot. Thank you again to our friends at ad hoc studio for letting us play in the world of Dispatch tonight. A reminder that while you may have recognized the places and characters explored tonight as inspired by elements from the Dispatch universe,

we want to emphasize that the characters and events in this one shot were our own creations and are not official content from the Dispatch game. They were only inspired by it. That done, go check out Dispatch. Episodes 1 through 4 are out right now. Check out Bitley slash C.R. Dispatch for more info. Good night.

And that concludes this episode of Critical Role. If you liked the adventure, please consider leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice. We love welcoming new critters, and your review could beat the roadmap that leads other kindred spirits our way. We hope you enjoyed the story, and again, thank you very much for listening.