Critical Role - Exandria Unlimited: Kymal | Part 1

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

Fleeing from Marquet to Tal’Dorei with his brother, Dorian Storm returns to his friends, The Crown Keepers, and attempts to lay low in the seedy casino town of Kymal, which naturally leads to the crew attempting a casino heist… Meet the Players! Game Master Aabria Iyengar: https://twitter.com/quiddie Anjali Bhimani: https://twitter.com/sweeetanj Aimee Carrero: https://twitter.com/aimeecarrero Robbie Daymond: https://twitter.com/robbiedaymond Erica Lindbeck: https://twitter.com/ericalindbeck Matthew Mercer: https://twitter.com/matthewmercer Original Music by Omar Fadel and Hexany Audio Main theme by Colm R. McGuinness Additional Music by Universal Production Music, Epidemic Sounds, and 5 Alarm Character art by Hannah Friederichs Stained glass art by Joanna Johnen Opening Title by Christian Brown Due to the improv nature of RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If hearing discussions of certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode. Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources Twitch subscribers gain instant access to VODs of our shows like Critical Role, Exandria Unlimited, and 4-Sided Dive. But don't worry: Twitch broadcasts will be uploaded to YouTube about 36 hours after airing live, with audio-only podcast versions of select shows on Spotify, iTunes, & Google Play following a week after the initial air date. Twitch subscribers also gain access to our official custom emote set and subscriber badges and the ability to post links in Twitch chat!

Welcome to Exandria Unlimited on the Critical Role Podcast Network. I'm Matthew Mercer, Game Master of Critical Role and player of EXU. Exandria Unlimited airs Thursdays at 7pm Pacific on Twitch and YouTube. If you'd like to watch the VOD, it's available immediately for Twitch channel subscribers and is uploaded to YouTube on Mondays at noon. Exandria Unlimited is of course also available in podcast form on Thursdays, a week after the original broadcast, right here on the Critical Role Podcast Network. Alright, let's get to the adventure.

Hello, and welcome to Exandria Unlimited! I am your Game Master, Aabria Iyengar, and I am back, y'all. This is a two-part special of EXU airing over the next two nights. And I'm joined by the very best of company. So you know what? Just for old times' sake, let's introduce ourselves to the group, starting with my boy, Robbie. Yo, yo, yo!

It's so good to see you! Good to see you! It feels so good! Ooh, we're at the same table, nerds! Let's go! Oh my god! My're at the same table, nerds! Let's go! Oh my god! My name is Robbie Dameron, and tonight I will be playing one Mr. Dorian Storm.

Oh my god. You've been through it. Baby been through it. Hello, I am Anjali Bhimani, and I will be playing Fy'ra Rai, the fire genasi monk with a very serious, far too serious side for a person like me to handle today.

That's it, that was my genius introduction. What? Go team. Hi, I'm Amy Carrero, and I'm playing Opal, just a small-town girl with a vestige of divergence. And she has a makeover, which we'll get into later. Yeah, she's had a rough summer. She has.

My name is Matthew Mercer. I am playing Reprising Dariax, dwarven nincompoop through and through. Yeah. He's been up to nothing. He's Yeah. He's just been up to nothing. He's fine. He's great. He's wonderful. Hey, how you doing?

Yeah, right, yeah, right. My name is Erika Lindbeck, and I'm going to be playing Morrigan Farris. Ooh. Who's that? You meet me later. Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm like. That was the way. Oh my god.

New kid, new kid! I did it! I know! I know! I did it! Bowser peel! I feel so bad. Fart, I dare you. I just got to say, with full sincerity,

it is so wonderful to be back. I've missed you guys. I love you so much, and I'm so excited to tell the story. Also, I'm legally obligated to say that I can no longer mess with the timeline and make Matt do weird stuff for the ad copy. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again.

That's a lie. But with all of that out of the way, I think it's time for us to get into tonight's episode of Exandria Unlimited, Kymo. What? Alexandria Unlimited, Kymal. What?! Thank you. Bronte. Dorian. You look out over the deep, unbroken blue of the Osmet Sea from the safety of the airship

that Lord Eshertaz so graciously lent you in Cyrus. Cyrus. You watch him sleep fitfully beneath his gray cloak. He seems too wild and too wide for this cramped space. He's not built for this. None of it. You catch a reflection in the window. Both Wyvern Wind sons and heirs to the laurels

and stewardship of the Silken Squall. Both haunted by expectations and doubts. Both hunted by the random misfortunes that arise from a life as an adventurer. And yet, you both reached for it. You're well on your way now to Tal'Dorei, fleeing Cyrus's problems, but drawing ever closer to your own in Emon.

What are you thinking about right now? Hmm. A familiar feeling. Being stuck between desire and responsibility and the world seemingly pulling you in two different directions. I guess literally, if we're between two different continents.

Sad, but excited. Hopeful, but nervous. The last time I was here, we didn't exactly, I don't know if we left it better than we found it, which is, I think, what Dorians always wanted in a certain extent. So definitely trepidatious, but just going with the flow.

Floating in the breeze. Yeah. Ah, there you go. I didn't say it. I did, I'm sorry. Yeah. Your mind drifts back to Bell's Hells and the people you left behind. Yeah.

And looks forward to the people that you could perhaps seek out, what's your plan? Oh, you thought there was a plan? No. Look, you mentioned Kymal, not me. This airship won't make it that far. You're going to have to stop in Emon. Yeah.

And you know what's waiting there. So what's your plan? What are you going to do? You can't talk to Cyrus about it. He doesn't understand. It's all on you right now. You know, I think something that's frightening is we're seeking out something that we've maybe always had,

and that is the means our problems boil down directly to there being a bounty on his head. And when you place a dollar amount on someone's life, it makes a dollar a lot more important. So I think our first priority would be to hide and then hopefully try and fix this the best way we can, because neither one of us are going home. Not like this, yeah.

Yeah, okay. So you form a plan, a thought, to reach out to friends. You have one incredible ally in Sean Gilmore. Yeah. incredible ally in Sean Gilmore. Yeah. And you can bring what's left of the gang on this continent back together. You know that if you call, they will find you.

And even though it's been almost a year, the bonds that you forged running across the continent, those don't go away. I think at a different time, I would have been hesitant, maybe even a little mistrustful to bring anyone else into my problems, but I'm starting to learn that

everyone has their own free will, and if you put out a call and someone chooses to answer, maybe it's not your fault. Maybe they're doing it because they care about you. So if I'm going to be in Emon, I guess I'll... I don't know how to contact anyone, but if there's anyone who knows everyone,

it's Sean Gilmore, so. Absolutely. Yeah. Your heart swells a little bit with hope, but I want to know, what are you most afraid of? What's that little tug at the back of your heart? The fear that you tuck away whenever you make eye contact with Cyrus.

It used to be what would happen if anything happened to him, what it would mean for me. And that's a selfish thing to think for a sibling, but when you're in our position, it's obvious. But now that fear has shifted into what would happen if something happened to him. Because as I'm watching him sleep, I realize that we're just as vulnerable

as anyone else in this world. So my biggest fear would be losing my brother, for sure. Yeah. I need you to make a charisma saving throw for me. Oh! Ooh. We're changing it up. They're not all wisdom, baby. Charisma, all right.

Oh boy. Plus six, 19. Ooh, okay. With a 19, your eyes trail back to the window in that uninterrupted blue on blue of sky and sea, and you're able to put it away, that fear, that worry for the unknown.

You're a little stronger now, a little braver, a little bolder, a little smarter than when you left. I said a little. A little braver, a little bolder, a little smarter than when you left. I said a little. A little. And you're ready, inasmuch as you can believe that for yourself. You can protect him.

You can fix this. And as you start to ruminate on how, and how even to begin, you are snapped from your reverie, and you find yourself already here in the city of Chymal at a gambling table with your full crew. Can I get the squad, please?

We're in it, baby! What's up? Let's go. Ooh! Ooh! You guys have been here for, I'm going to say, half a day. Enough time to just begin to relax into saying your highs and get into a little bit of trouble

here at the Maiden's Wish. You are in the city of Chymal. It is known for its casinos and truly nothing else. It is a muddy little backwater that was built on the back of a gold rush decades and decades past. And the casino scene and that low-level crime syndicate

that gives you a very Reno Now or Vegas in the 1950s flair permeates through everything. This is the perfect place to lay low because you're not the worst people in the room by a long shot. Yet. Yet. There's still time.

It's so early. All right, so let's catch up a little bit with our crown keepers. Fy'ra, you're sitting at this table, a little twitchy, a little head over your shoulder. What's got you so on edge right now? Well, it's been a little over a year since I left them before they left each other.

It's been a little over a year since I left them before they left each other. It's been a little over a year since I found out my sister is still alive, and I have yet to fucking find her. And I have been scouring the continent. I have been going to every resource that I possibly have. I even returned to Neardal Pak because I was so beside myself. I thought that maybe I would be able to ask the Tetrarchs

for some assistance in searching for her, and all they could bestow upon me was some peace in meditation and reminding me that the gift would, if she was in immediate danger, the gift would show me where she was. And I haven't been able to connect with her through the gift since that one flash when I was back with Tetrarch Thraskul.

So even though I have found my way back to my chosen family and feel solid in my desire to protect them and feel like, okay, at least I know I am needed somewhere because my loved ones are here. I am also trying to suss out anyone that might be useful in finding a very missing person.

Mm. Incredible. Okay. You guys are all sitting at a table for a game of the Changebringer's Favor. It's very, very simple. 25 gold buy-in. This is how it works. You roll 2d6.

If they add together for a seven or a 12, you win. And it's your turn. Fy'ra Rai, Please roll 2d6 for me. This gambling reminds me of my darker days. Never liked this. I don't like things that aren't a sure thing. What'd you get? Six. Six. The person working at the table reaches forward,

looks down and goes, you could always double down on your bet. Another 25 gold. You roll one more d6, see if you can get to a seven or 12. How much gold do I have? Anyone? Metal? Metal? Anyone? Good start!

Enough to stay in for at least one more round. What the hell? Otherwise I'll be out very quickly. 12! Whoa! Incredible. The attendant looks a little crestfallen, but quickly covers it with a smile, congratulations, and pushes 75 gold in your direction.

I believe I shall quit while I am ahead. That's what they say, yes? We sort of pan over now to Opal. Hey! Okay, so it's been a while since I've seen... How long have we been traveling together? Or have we just decided to come together in this situation? Well, you and Dariax stuck together.

Right, right. But Fy'ra and I was off looking for her sister. Yeah. So it's been just a day, or half a day, or whatever. I'm just trying to stall. For your respect. No, okay, so it's been a while and Why does it have to be a while?

Start off with what does Opal look like? Because when last we saw her, you know, big, terrifying circlet dripping black ichor down your forehead, Is that the fit? That's the fit, but she is using her actor feat to disguise self because it is a terrifying image. She still has a circlet and it's very much entrenched in her skin.

She tried to remove it at the end of our last sesh. Wasn't able to. And her clothes are stained with oil or whatever goop came out of that. And she's tried to wash it out, but it's still permanently just not looking as sharp as it was. She's got stained hands from when she tried to remove it.

And she still has her opal necklace, which is her connection to Ted. And yeah, so she's looking pretty rough normally, but tonight she has changed into her normal, usual self. She's got her hair up in the nice updo, and maybe she, I don't know, stole a fur bolero, or maybe she still has it from that one time. Wait, did you steal one?

This is so important. I mean, she's very empowered at the moment. She does have a vestige. I just feel like the moral compass. I'm going to need you to, we're going to move back in time to you passing by. We go back in time to Opal in tears We go back in time to Opal in tears

as you were arguing with, you know, it's very full in your brain right now. You've got Ted. Yeah. You've got the Spider Queen. It's a lot of women yelling. Yeah. And you spotted a fur, beautiful, pristine, draped over a chair, and the woman that's clearly the owner of it

is half in the bag, leaning over the bar, trying to get the bartender's attention. Right. So I think what happens is she doesn't think twice. I think she just goes by and she may be like, oh my gosh, she drops maybe some of the drink that I'm holding. I just drop it on the floor

and the lady's like, oh my god, it's all over my shoes. And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. And then I grab the coat and I... Why don't we work through that a little bit? Go ahead and give me a deception check

as you spill your drink to get this woman's attention. Do you want to choose this? I'm going to say this was earlier because I don't want anyone to stop this mess from happening. 12. Oh, 12. The woman looks down at you.

What are you? Oh my god. You spilled alcohol on my clothes. Oh no. I think she just turns back to what she normally looks like, Opal, and scares the shit out of this woman. Please make an intimidation check with advantage.

I'm scared so much. Oh, okay, hold on. Intimidation, oh, that's good. That's 19. What the f? Oh my god! Are you some sort of demon? Well, I shouldn't be judgmental. There's so many demons here, but this is fucking worse.

Do you want me to get closer? No. I smell really bad. I believe you. Okay. Can you go? I was here. Yes, I will go. I will go right now. You can go. Okay, you can enjoy yourself. Have a good night!

She grabs her coat and her fur bolero. Do you try to steal? Oh, she's fully staring at you. You still try to steal it? Yeah. Yeah. What you going to do? Feels so good to be back. What you going to do? Feels so good to be back.

What you going to do? Make a sleight of hand check with disadvantage, or are you just staring her down, like, this is mine now? Oh yeah, yeah. I think it's like, do you want me to get closer? No, no, no. Okay. Have a nice night. And you just

pick it up and walk away. Yeah, I just feel like she just maybe, feels like she's got it. I don't know. She's got a lot of confidence walk of life. Yeah, I just feel like she just maybe feels like she's got it. I don't know. She's got a lot of confidence at the moment. You grab it, you sling it over your shoulder. Yeah. You hear and feel skittering

across the inside of your mind and a contented, almost purr of laughter as one of the sort of in- one of your roommates is like, This is great. And Ted's like, this is great. And Ted's like, what are you doing? You just fully stole that. Yeah.

Stealing from the rich, giving to me. What? You're also rich. Do you not remember a year ago when you guys made so much money? I mean, that's... You could just buy one. Why would I buy one

when it's just sitting right here, Ted? Oh my god. Remember when we thought you were dead for a while? That was better. You're so mean. Okay, wait, no, I was kidding, I was kidding. We do that, remember? No. Like, we do that.

Get me a drink right now. Okay, fine. And we move forward to now, and your ill-gotten fur Blair. I guess just sitting at the table. Just vibing there. Incredible. But now she looks pretty again.

May I ask? Yes. If she's been using Disguise Self to make herself look like this, and I've only been here for a day and a half since I've seen you, I don't think I've seen you in your, I personally, I don't think Vy'ra's seen her in her normal, natural form yet.

I have no idea. But you would notice that now she has two different colored eyes. Are you not hiding that? No, I don't think so. I think that she's maybe got a different outfit, she's cleaned up, but I don't think she's hiding that. So maybe you noticed that.

Interesting. So now you see that she has one brown eye and one iridescent eye. Interesting. So now you see that she has one brown eye and one iridescent eye. Interesting. Okay. And you know what? Give me a perception check. First time, realest this time.

I'm going to say with disadvantage, because this is a... Makes me so sad. I'm sorry. I'm a bad person. No, no, you're not. You're a lovely person, and I really enjoy your company. Thank you. This is really kind of, you know what, no disadvantage. That was a beautiful moment, what'd you get?

Well, that's a 19. Oh my god! I just got conned so hard. We are in a gambling town. Yes! God, you're good at this. I love this. There's some point when she's sort of interacting, like as you kind of keep your eye out on Opal

as you're all sitting at this table, you notice that she interacts with something and as her hands go overhead, she brushes against a circlet that you can't see. Because the Sky Self can hide that from any sort of visual, but it's still on her head, and you see her move around the circlet, even if you can't see the circlet itself.

Delilah. How have you been? Wonderful. Oh, good. No, not true. You're looking particularly radiant tonight. Thank you. You're very welcome. Appreciate that. We move just a little bit farther to the right

to see our good friend Dariax. Dariax, our dwarven sorcerer, is probably his fourth cup. And has watched you do this a couple times. Watched you win, and has been waiting for the time and goes like, I'm going to carry the luck onward. How much can I put in?

The buy-in is 25, but you can put in however much you want. All right, I'm going to put in... I'm going to put in 20 platinum. Oh, oh, oh! Are you sure that's a good idea? Yeah, it's great. You sure? Look, she can do it, I can do it. Yeah. The moment he turns and moves his hands away, it's swept up.

All right, final bets. Don't worry, I got this. I got this. Okay. Okay, go ahead and make your rolls. All right, so. 2d6, and I got this. Go ahead and make your rolls. All right, so. Two d6 and you're looking for a seven or a 12. All right. You can do it. That's a six, it's like you did. You can do it again.

Do you want to double down? Yeah, I want to double down. How much is that? It's going to be another 20 platinum. Great, I have 40 platinum, perfect. Oh my god. All right. And what do I do now? Roll one more d6. All right, all right, all right.

That is a 12. No! D6! Oh my god! Let it out! He's lucky. He's got the luck of the idiots. No. You see, so slowly,

60. Oh shit. Yeah, 60, Platt. It's pushed back in your direction. That's incredibly lucky. You know, when people think about luck, they think of good old Dariax. Always rolling well. The dice just come out of his hands

and top marks every time. I'm sure. I'm sure they do. Do you want to stay and play another round? No, I'm good. Okay, that's fine. I may be a little. No! Replace your bets! Shall we perhaps retire to get some sustenance?

Maybe now would be a great time to go get a bind or have a drink. You did so good. You feel good? I don't want to tell you what to do, but. I could probably use some bread. I'm starting to feel a little spinny. Thank you so much. Thank you. And I'll flip five silver to the dealer.

Catches it. Bites dealer. Catches it. Bites it. Bites it. All right. Have a good one. That's not edible. You see he leans in and whispers something into his shoulder. Those of you who cast spells,

can I get an arcana check? Mm. Oh. Do you want to keep, can I get an arcana check? Mm. Oh. Do my key spells. I count it. So all of you, all of you are magic. Amazing. 18. 15. 15? Natural 20.

Oh my god. Oh! Is that a little leafy? Yeah, it's a lucky knight! Four. Oh shit, no, it's a... The baby's back! Yes. Back at best! That's our boy! I mean, I rolled a five, but it's minus one. Oh shit, no, it's all right. The baby's back! Yes. That's a boy! I mean, I rolled a five, but it's my next one.

Oh yeah. Incredible. I forgot. I truly forgot. I forgot. I forgot. So much. Yes. It's the curse. Everyone but Dariax notices just a little glyph go off that was sewn into the dealer's jacket,

goes off and dissipates in a little poof of gold dust. With a natural 20, you look over just in time to see a similar glyph sew itself into the very edges of Dariax's vest. Okay. Does it look like, has one happened before the other? It happens simultaneously. You see it disappear,

and then it reappears on his clothing. He's been marked. We're getting up from the table and walking away. All right. Let's go to the bar really quick. I'm going to, as we walk, pull Darax aside. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Hey, what's up, buddy? That was amazing. Thanks. Did you use any kind of illusion or magic or anything? I'm going to be perfectly honest, the magic was in me the whole time. I always knew it. We should all be aware we're being watched. Oh. That was a huge part,

and we should just be careful. Okay. All right? All right. Cool. So act natural, very natural. Perfect. So you guys heading over to the bar? Very naturalist. Yeah, yes.

A very natural saunter over to the bar. So smooth. It is extremely crowded down here on the main casino floor. I'll just give you a quick rundown because you were able to see some signs in this central area. You notice that off to your right,

at the very edges, you see the High Roller Den is back behind the main game floor. Down to the south, you see a spa and some iconography as to suggest it is dragon themed. You see that off to the west, there's the buffet. It's called A Taste of Tal'Dorei. Wait, it's like every little station,

like a different place in the John Lamar? Okay, okay, okay. Did I build the Maiden's Wish to be like the New York, New York hotel? Yes! But the Tal'Dorei, yes, I did. Just those of us who put points in the constitution, you're thankful right about now.

Yes! I thought the oyster shooters were great. And there's doors out to the back, to the two main outdoor events, which is a big luxury market called The Wish Fulfilled. And then out past that, The West Run, which is a big outdoor arena that's normally for racing and fights.

That's fun. Whoa! Yep, you're over there at the bar. Go ahead and give me a performance check to try to get this one bartender's attention. It's hard to see them over the crowd. It's three people deep as they're all crowding around, but you can see some feathers poking around.

14. 14's pretty good. You hop a couple times, elbow your way up, and eventually you get the bartender's attention. Erica, can you come out? Oh! Hey! Hey!

I was like, Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Oh my goodness. Oh, bartender! Hi. Oh, hi. Okay, so you see this tiny dwarf hand

popping over the crowd. You're currently dealing with the attentions of everyone at the bar, but especially a pale blue, ruggedly handsome Air Genasi, who's just, so what are you doing? Oh shit! Of course. Really? Of course it wasn't me.

I push down my feathers. Please, paint us a word picture. Please describe what we see. Okay, so basically you see a really cute bunny girl. Oh my god. Okay, so. Okay, so. Okay, so start from the top.

Oh yeah. Let's start from the top. All the way down. So I'm a lagomore, correct? Okay, so I'm a basically humanoid rabbit. And yes, so I am wearing a, I'm about, I think I'm like 5'10 or so. I'm wearing a feathered, basically 1950s showgirl outfit.

Stop! That is way form over function. They make us wear them here. Okay. And it's so crowded and it's so hot. And yeah, I turn around. I have bright green eyes and big gray bunny ears. Yep. Oh my god. Yes, so I turn.

Wait, why does he catch my attention over anyone else? Well, you can see. Hi! Mostly help. Ah, I heard you. Okay, hi, glad you heard me. Hi. The guy that was talking to you looks over and goes, Dariax, hey, where have you been? What's up? Cyrus.

Apparently not getting drunk enough. I came to get another order of the bread, you know? The bread? Yeah, the special drink, the bread. Oh yes, the bread. I'll get it right away. Thank you kindly. I turn, my smile immediately disappears.

I go, is bread one of the drinks? Sure. Great. Bread! Do me a favor, make a history check for me. History check? Pure brewer's blood. It's just hops. Do me a favor, make a history check for me. Pure Brewers' Cup. Just hops. You have a bit of bread in the stomach

and you've been drinking it. Yeah. So that's an eight. Soak up the rest of the alcohol. With an eight, the name Dariax is strange. You've not heard it many times, but it does ring a bell. Oh. I look up into the skies for a brief moment.

It's the ceiling of an indoor building. No one knows. And I just say to myself, god, I hate it here. I go and I make the bread. I pour it and I- Give me performance check. You what? You pour it?

She pours the bread. I pour the bread. Wait, is it not a drink? It'ss the bread. I pour the bread. Wait, is it not a drink? It's just a drink. It's a drink. It's a drink. It's a drink. It's a sandwich. It's a sandwich of starters.

I'm the one waving. I see, I see. I'm already done. Yes! Oh my god. I'm rolling a performance check? Yeah. To make the bread? To make the bread.

Great. To her job. To do my literal job. You can have advantage because you do this literal job. 18, 19, 20, 21. Critfish, roll it again. See if you get a higher number. Okay, let's see. A six, no. Okay.

So what was your total? 21. Yeah. So the moment you're able to turn away from all of the attention, because everyone at this bar wants your attention, whether it's for drinks or for, you know, can I touch your ears? For Nathaliaious purposes. Yes.

You turn around and you are deft to the task. How long have you been a bartender? I've been a bartender for a long time, but I've only been working at The Maiden's Wish for a few weeks, so I might not know the drinks as well as I should. Because they're different everywhere, so. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So you're very quickly able to create bread. I figure out something. He looks drunk, so I don't think he's going to care. Yeah! I could bring him a literal loaf of bread and he'd be like, yeah, this is what I wanted. Legitimately, I'm more enthralled with the process

in which she's spinning whatever she's putting in it to be like, what is it? I'm like, that's cool, I'll drink it. I know as long as it looks cool, no one will question it. 100%. Yeah, yeah. Yep, and you turn around and present Dariax with his drink. Here you go.

How much does that cost? You kids decide. You don't have to ask me. How much is that? That's one gold. Oh shit. It's a good thing, I just came into some money. Shh, shh, shh. I'll put a platinum down here. Wow, that's the biggest money I've ever seen.

Oh, deers. I like bread. I take the gold and I pocket it. Yeah, it's a platinum. Oh, it's a platinum, oh my god. I take the platinum and I pocket it. Yeah, great. She eats it. And I eat it.

You have to check. No one's taking it from me. Yeah, you have to check. There's three dudes all lined up at the bar. They're like, we've got platinum. What are you doing later? What does this guy have that we don't have? Apparently manners.

You got a problem? Yeah, I got a problem. You want to take this outside? No. We're trying to have a conversation with the lady here. As soon as I hear this, I just step closer to him and make sure that my fire head is well displayed.

Yes. I'm going to walk behind them all toward my brother and whisper out of the side of my mouth, remember when I said keep a low fucking profile? I'm going to flip my brother's hood back over his head. Well, I have followed Dorian because I want to meet the handsome brother who I haven't met.

Yeah, Cyrus was given strict orders to lay low and stay in the room, which the moment you went out with your friends, he was like, I'm going to get a drink. As he's being hooded, he catches your eye, Opal. He's just, is this your friend? Move, get, hi. Cyrus Wyvernwind.

So nice to meet you. Cyrus what Cyrus Wyvernwind. So nice to meet you. Cyrus what? Wyvernwind. Wyvernwind. Yeah, I'm his brother. Are they all near me? Yeah, everyone's in front of you having this full conversation.

Does anyone else want a drink or are you guys just hanging out or? Something clear. Oh, yeah. And I just go pour her water. And one of those three dudes fully pushes Opal out the way and be like, We are having a conversation.

Excuse me, we at the Maiden's Whispers reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, including loudmouths. I didn't think I was being loud, I was being direct. I disagree. So why don't you go ahead and pour me another little drink, sweetheart? I know how to deal with this. I've done it before a few times.

Okay. First coin in play. So when this normally happens, what do you do? I sweet talk him. All right. Break me off a piece of that. As he gets louder and angrier and is starting to spread out,

you think he's gaining physical mass. This was, he looked human, and his skin seems to be getting paler and stretching taut, and his hair receding away from him as he's undergoing some very unattractive transformation. Wow. You are so big.

Thank you, I've been lifting. I think maybe you are the biggest man I've ever seen. And then I accidentally knock over a tray of olives. Oh! Oh, don't you worry about that. I got that, I got it. He immediately, like a vampire, I guess, goes and starts picking up the olives

and begins to return back to his normal size as your Lady in Distress act has caught him off guard enough that he's deescalating the situation. Thank you so much for picking up those olives. Anything for you, sweetheart. I know I shouldn't call you sweetheart. I have a lot of internalized things to deal with.

That's on me. It's okay, I know, I know. I've seen this man before. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just flick a tray of olives and he's like, oh, I have to be the hero. Every time. I help pretty lady.

Yeah. I actually come out from behind the bar to grab the olives, because I have to throw them away, obviously. Like, they're just olive-iously. Restylator. Oh, please don't do that. And my feathers are so cumbersome

that I have to pop myself out through, and there's feathers all over the, it can't be sanitary. It's not. There's feathers all over the floor from my outfit. It's fine. So yeah. I don't mind. I think you look great. Oh, thanks.

That's very kind of you. You're on the side of the bar with us. Who's making drinks? Oh, I was just grabbing the olives to throw them away. So I, yeah. You could just leave them. This whole city is basically mud. We'll eat the olives. You could just put the olives down.

Okay, great. I just put them out. The last casino I worked at. If we spilled something, we threw it away, but clearly I'm... They're slippery. Grabs a different olive, puts it in. That's bad, it tastes like hay now.

Puts their drink down. And yeah, now you see this entire strange crew of people. How'd you do that? That was so cool. Just people person skills, I guess. What's that like? I mean, I have people person skills, but not like that, not like that.

You seem like you. You're really good. Oh, thank you. Well, you deal with a lot of lovely characters working in a casino bar, so. I bet. Are all of you together, or? Yeah. Oh yeah.

He's new. Yeah. He's new. We met earlier. I'm Cyrus. I'm not supposed to be out of my room, but these are all my friends. Opal. Yes. Dorian. Opal, Dorian. Oh, I forgot. I didn't Yes! Dorian.

Opal, Dorian. Oh, I forgot. I didn't meet the other ones. I go back behind the bar. The bar's not that big, I'm assuming. No, you got to squeeze on back in there. Squeeze on back there and I go, I grab you your clear thing. I change it to vodka.

Thanks. Yeah. Or whatever equivalent clear. Ventrosu vodka! Ventrosu vodka! What is it called? Yeah. It's opal equivalent, clearly. Vangisou Vodka! Vangisou Vodka! What is it called? Yeah. It's opening. Just like you. It's Derek's. Derek's.

Give her another platinum. Oh, okay. Give her another platinum. Oh, thank you. And I visibly cringe at just giving away all of our earnings. Hopeful and Derek's are good with money. Yeah, we're great. Together, we've been poor in Byroden for a while.

Yeah. We couldn a while. Yeah. We couldn't leave. No. Been there for months. Eat lots of pie, it's been great. It's great. Other than the whole bleeding crown thing, but you know. Hey, Mor, can you give me a perception check? Yeah, sure.

Oh, I rolled a one. So it's a five. No, it's a one. It's a one. It's not exactly a one. That's a one, yes. Fully a one, so it's a five. No, it's a one. It's a one. It's not exactly a one. It's a one, yes. Fully a one. It's fully a one. Yeah.

I was trying to be tricksy, like I just was with that man, but it didn't work. Sweet. Opal, I'm going to need a perception check with disadvantage from you. Okay. Oh fuck. Well, that was a natural 20,

but with disadvantage, that's 12. Okay. With a 12, you don't clock it because you're immediately going and making fantasy vodka. I'm making the vodka. Yeah. Expressing the potato. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Six times. You feel, just at the very end of your pants, a string shift, and you turn and you see someone is walking briskly away from your group. Somebody just tugged at my outfit and it did not feel good. So before I kick that person's ass, does anybody want to come with me

and just scope it out? As soon as she says someone tugged at my thing, my pants, I spin around. Which one? Which one? You see two different figures in clothes, just a very generic dark brown hooded cloak disappearing into the crowd. You're struggling to see which one it was,

but it's one of those two and they're moving in the same direction. Can I cast Detect Magic? Oh my god, of course you can. Can I? Would that do anything? Yeah, let's find out. Let's see. Okay. There's nothing to roll.

Detect Magic just happens. Oh great, I'm's see. Okay. There's nothing to roll. Oh, okay. Protect magic just happens. Oh, great, I'm detecting it. Okay. It's a new thing. Pardon me. Before I sort of inundate you with information, what specifically are you looking for? I just want to know, like, I guess if they're using magic,

if they're maybe with people that we've encountered in the past, bad casters, or any clue as to what they might want from us or what might be my attention. So you turn your Detect Magic on. The first thing you notice is you swing out and perceive your group before you turn your eyes in the other direction,

is you actually see the little gold glyph on Dariax's shoulder shining very brightly. What? What do you got there? I got bread. Well, what's left of it? It's kind of fun, the last bit you have to chew, but it has a nice bitter thing to it. Uh-huh. He's got something. And though you're immediately distracted,

looking back through the crowd, you see that there are lots of individuals wearing magic items. A couple of the gaming tables specifically, you see very subtle magic going off at these cheater gaming tables. One of them specifically, that game, The Changebringer's Favor,

there's this big coin gold image of the Changebringer, a goddess of fortune and luck. And that's at all of the tables that play that game, except for the one that you see where magic is going off. She's blindfolded, to suggest that that's a table where the whole point is to try to get away with cheating. Oh, cool, fun. Yeah.

The two people that are disappearing into the crowd make it in there. Neither of them look like they are casting magic. However, the one on the right has a magical item that you recognize as your Pearl of Power that's been pickpocketed for a year. He stole it! Okay.

He's about 50 feet away, and you're losing him. power that's been pickpocketed for the year. He stole it! Okay. He's about 50 feet away, and you're losing him. So what do you want to do? I would like to run after him. I'll go with her. Okay. Now I'm a little faster than she is. You are.

Who are we going after? The one on the right. He stole my, do I know he stole my Pearl of Power? He stole my Pearl of Power. Yeah. I'm just going. I got no, I got no, I know he stole my Pearl of Power? He stole my Pearl of Power. Yeah. I'm just going. I got no, I got no, I can't find my sister. I have to use her instead.

But they're both in heels, but we're doing it. Hey, I'm very adept in these heels. Can you see this picture? Yeah. So I just bust a move to head over to the sky. In fact, no, I'm not going to do it. I was going to, can I dash without keep? Oh, sure, absolutely. So yeah, so I'm going to bust a move. My normal speed is 45, but I'm going to, can I dash without keep? Sure, absolutely. So yeah, so I'm going to bust a move.

My normal speed is 45, but I'm going to just, that dash is double? Yeah. So you can move 90 feet. Do me a favor. Make just a general dexterity check for me to see how you can navigate this crowd. That's a big no.

That's a nine. Okay. You're not able to get your full movement because just like the bar, it's a crowd of people and you're moving around and trying to keep up. This person is a little more accustomed to moving through crowds. You're great at moving through jungle and terrain,

but this is a person that's obviously trained in urban environments. So you are gaining on him, but you do not catch him during this round. Does anyone else want to do anything? Do I see any of this? Yeah, especially you can hear her talking very obviously about it.

Okay. Interesting. Do we have security at this place? Of course you do. It's all very subtle, though. You know that there's a bunch of glyphs carved into the bar, that all you have to do is tap them to disrupt them,

and it will summon someone to the bar specifically. Okay. But you know how to spot. They're usually very tall, dragonborn, wearing pale blue and lilac that are off in the corner, weirdly blending into the walls, that you can catch one of their eyes.

This crew, for some reason, has intrigued me a little bit. They're the nicest people I've talked to all day. And they tip hella good. Yeah, exactly. The bar is low, but still. Yeah. So I would say that I maybe tap one of the glyphs

and see if I see, because I don't want their things to be stolen, obviously. Is everybody leaving the bar right now? I'm still here. Are those actually ears? I had a bunny when I was little. Yeah, they are. I tried to cover them up

so people wouldn't ask questions about them, but they're huge. I just thought it was cool because I had a bunny when I was very young. You did? Yeah. What was their name? His name was Cat. Yep. That's cute.

No, no. He was adorable. Well, my name is Morrigan. Oh, hey, I'm Dariax. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Give me another history check. Okay. That's an eight. It was a 17, and then it went to a nine.

Nope. Nope? Did you just note me? I just said no. She said no. Good, good, good, good. There's one thing you need to know about this campaign is I will never be able to give information if I lock it behind a die roll,

because y'all are rolling dog shit. Continue. I have a twofold thing going on here. Of course. I need to ask you. Yeah? You have so much platinum, it seems. So much you can just throw it away

on a couple little drinks. Bread. It is a delicious drink that you made very well, and I'd like to be appreciative of your, you know, my patronage, the patronage that occurred. Yeah, kind of a nebulous patronage. Yeah, you know, either way. Where did you get all of it?

Well, see, here's the crazy thing. Like, a bunch of us, well, we started by, like, peeing off a rooftop, and then, like, we ended up getting in. Well, see, here's the crazy thing. A bunch of us, well, we started by peeing off a rooftop, and then we ended up getting in trouble with these people in Emon that were big thieves and shit. Then we went into a big mountain where there was a fiery letter or something, and then we ended up going by this door to the Feywild, and then we ended up going to a place deep in a jungle

where there was awesome elephant people, and then I met a big cat statue, put its spirit inside me, I ended up going to a place deep in a jungle where there was awesome elephant people, and then I met a big cat statue, put its spirit inside me, and then we fought a giant floating box thing, it turned into a big angry face, and then my friend got a crown, and it's crazy. Wow.

It sounds like you all have been through a lot together. Yeah, a decent amount, I'd say. That's cool. Anyway, is one of the guards coming? Yes. Great. In the intervening time, you've got right over your shoulder a tall, dark blue dragonborn that's like,

Mara, do you need something? Yes, yes, yes. We seem to have a situation over there. That girl in the pink, you're wearing pink. Did you take off? I did take off. Am I close to the man? We there. That girl in the pink, you're wearing pink. Did you take off? I did take off. Am I close to the man? We'll come to you in a second. Oh, sure, sure. Yeah.

And with his high vantage point, he's almost eight feet tall, he's like. And I've got the fur. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Ballera. With the fur. And when you fix the situation, tell her that I have some fantasy vodka waiting for her. On it. Yeah.

And he immediately takes off through the crowd. What are you doing? How much of this insanity am I witnessing right now? You are seeing all of it! Ah, I am! Cyrus is just looking at you like a... I am panicking because he's giving away all of our secrets and my friends have just sprinted off

into the evening. Is that true? Yeah, he just told all of our backstory. Yeah. To a stranger. What kind of crown? I'm going to break away and wrap my arm around my brother's.

That's a story for a different time. I'm actually curious, too. That sounds cool. Oh! Would you like a drink? Please. What kind? I do not care.

Bread. Sounds great. I'll make you a bread. Fantastic. Can I also have a bread? Yeah, of course. Bread's on me. While she breaks away to make the bread, I'm going to lean to the side of her, so I was like, all right, I don't know what to do here. We've got to make some more money than just rolling dice.

Yes? Yeah. And do I overhear that? I'm not even what to do here. We've got to make some more money than just rolling dice. Yes? Yeah. And do I overhear that? I'm not even going to make you roll for it. You absolutely do. Yes! Okay. All right. So. Okay. You know, we're doing all right.

We've got to build this town for all it's worth, and the only person we've met, not like that, the only person that we've met that seems to know anyone or anyone is this bartender. So do you remember when we were teenagers and an envoy would come into town? Do you remember the old bromance move? Yes. All right.

Let's get a shot, okay, ready? Yeah, you can take your... He immediately pulls his hair down. You heard all of this. And all of a sudden, we shoulder to shoulder square up to the bar and just direct all the possible energy we can muster straight. I'm turned around to making the drinks right now.

I totally do not think you've heard any of this. Okay, good, good, good. I use my best inside voice. She's literally mouthing to herself, like, romance? And they will just wait for you to turn around while you are pursuing. Yes.

You're chasing this down. I need both of you to make dexterity checks for me to try to catch this guy in the crowd. Fuck's sake. Natural 20. Oh my god. Plus six, 26. Okay, the natural 20 was enough. That'll do. Sweet.

You very, how'd you do? A four. Okay. Natural one 20 was enough. That'll do. Sweet. How'd you do? A four. Okay. Natural one. Natural one. You have to tell, look, it's like cock rules. You have to tell me if it's a natural one. Natural one. Cool. So I was just going to, you just, at first you just didn't do it, but now it's worse

because you run smack into the woman whose bolero you stole. Okay, she's going to try what Morrigan did. She's trying to learn to be charming in that way. Hi, big lady. Fancy meeting you here. That's a very nice wrap. Yes, I was holding it for you.

A lot of pickpockets in this town. So it would seem. How do you feel about olives? I could get you some, a whole tray. This is not going well for Opal. Make a persuasion check with disadvantage. She's really trying to be. The chances are low, but not zero.

What'd you say? A what? Perception check. Perception. Disadvantage. Oh, persuasion. Persuasion. Oh, that's a... Quick math, 11. Okay. Disadvantage. Oh, disadvantage. Oh, did you think Do You Want Arms

was going to be the... I didn't hear it. Okay, it's still no, that's a nine, so 11. Okay. Because of the seven, right? Yeah, that's good enough. She just puts out her hands. Why the fuck is this wet and sticky? Well, because you left it unattended, and then I dropped your drink,

and then I may have gotten another drink on it. So you're welcome. And her eyes finally slide away from you. And you've got your disguise self up, so you look pristine, but looking at that fur bolero, it's covered in little rivulets of that black, that sticky ichor. You still want it? I can have it cleaned.

But why don't you go around and grab me some olives? First of all, you can't have it cleaned. Then she touches her circlet. I don't know if it does a weird shifting thing. What do you want it to do? Like a video game. You know the video games when it's not a video game, you know, when it's bad interruption? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe the visual glitches a little bit. And she still, I mean, Opal now has permanently stained goopy hands. So maybe it's that moment from She's All That when she spills the wine on her and maybe she just pretend trips, because now she's holding the fur, right? This lady's holding the fur. Yes.

So she like, oh. You trip again? I trip again, but it's a fake trip. Oh. And then she gets all that goop all over it. She catches you by the front of your forehead and pushes you back. But doesn't she feel the crown? Hey, don't we, she feels it.

She does not react. She doesn't react, okay. She says, maybe you shouldn't wear heels if you can't walk in them. All right, I've had just about enough of this, and she's going to go get me my olives or I call security. Caspicious mockery on this bitch. What? Oh my god.

This is incredible. Go ahead and slowly begin to do that while let's catch up with the thread of the thing. Yes, sure. Hey, welcome back, Dorian. I'm so glad I called you guys. They are subtle. So good.

So good to have family. That was a natural 20. It was. You're able to catch up to this person. What do you want to do? You're right behind them. Have the two of them separated? They've separated, but you know

to follow the one on the right. All right. So I hook around to in front of him, and I just pull my staff out and hold it low, but in front, I don't know why I'm still talking like Fjord and I. I hold it right in front of me, so no one can see that I'm really,

it's just blocking him from going anywhere between people. Excuse me, sir. And the eyes that meet you are a young, probably say 13 or 14-year-old tiefling with carrot-colored skin and a bunch of freckles. Just looks up at you. Excuse me, young sir.

I'm certain, yes. What do you need? I believe you may have mistakenly picked up something that my friend dropped, and my eyes flame up a little bit. This tiefling matches you gaze for gaze, and his eyes flare up, too, and he goes, Okay, I'm going to assume you're with.

Yeah. I don't even look away, and I'm like, Describe her. White, white hair, pretty, gooier than you think when you touch, pants strappy on the sides. That's my companion, yes. Do you have something of hers by mistake, I believe?

Yes, no? No. Now, see, what is interesting about this is that I happen to know that you are not telling the truth. And I don't really want to do anything physical about it. It's such a crowded place. You don't have to?

And he's weirdly starting to take on your accent. Huh? If you don't want to, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Ah. This is where I have this to, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But this is where I have this conflict, you see. Because she is a very dear friend. Okay.

Can I just go? No. I had to ask. Okay. Do you want to fight? Can I just... make a intimidation check for me? 16. Okay.

I'll trade you the thing I took from your friend for a secret. Any secret. Any at all? Yeah. I lean in and I say. He gets so close that your nose is mush a little bit.

Yeah. I'm actually not from around here. No shit. That's not a secret. Your hair's on fire. I'm actually not from this particular plane. I would like to direct your attention to the thing I said before.

You're a little on fire, lady. I rather like you, young man. I like you, too. These tattoos? Can it be a good cigarette? What's your tattoos? What does it mean? If you tell me what your tattoos mean, I'll give it back. My tattoos mean that someone who loved me very, very much

never wanted me to feel pain, but instead wanted others to who tried to hurt me. So your tattoos like magic? You could call it that, or you could call it loving touch. Either way, That, or you could call it loving touch. Either way, no one here knows about that but you. And she poops him on the nose. He blushes a little bit and gets darker orange.

Promise? I promise. Okay. He goes and pulls out the Pearl of Power. Excellent. You did that very deftly, young man. Use that skill for something more noble, no? Yeah, because I have a lot of options here in Qymo.

And now I- Look, next time, I won't steal from someone who's faster than me. Let me ask you this. This pearl wasn't for you, was it? Oh, I don't really care about the things that I take. Just, you know, it's hard to make a buck here. How about, I don't know what a buck is, but how about...

No, you know how there's so many coins and they get really heavy, so you have to put them in a bucket to carry them. Ah, excellent. It's canon. Yes, that's it, it's in. It's in. I'll tell you what. Perhaps not a buck,

but I will give you not one, but two gold pieces if you tell me who this pearl of power was going to. Shake on it. So, I don't know, you don't seem like you're from around here. You're from a different plane of existence. Oh, that sounds good. You're very good Texans as well.

Thank you, I'm trying. I really like this kid. There's some new people in town. Oh, you don't say. And they're crowding in on, you know, what the families and the clans do. Oh, really? I was hoping to get in good with them.

They don't have names, but they seem real important. They've been knocking down every other casino here. These people, do they, by any chance, wear a particular symbol on their garments? Yeah, hold on. And you see he gestures for you to get closer and he opens up his cloak, not to show you anything,

but just to be subtle about the little bit of magic that he can do as he prestidigitates a symbol that looks like, you would know this by now, something weirdly in between the hand of the clasp and the star of the myriad. That's, if you've spent any time in Emon, Oh, which I have. which you have, is the sigil of the Nameless Ones.

Oh shit. And the person who you deal with, with this group, one more gold piece to tell me their name. That's the thing. They don't say their names. Okay, then what they look like? They just look like normal people.

They don't even wear, you know, the people in the class, they're all wearing, I'm going to wear black. And there's so many buckles. There's lots of belts. Too many buckles. Yeah. It's not practical. I saw one of the people from the other group, this group,

and it was just a grandma. It was just a grandma wearing grandma clothes. But there was also, there's a lot of people. There's dads and kids and someone else that had hair like yours. Really? And a lady in a red coat. This lady in the red coat, what does she look like?

Tall, blue hair, dark skin, fucked up complexion. Oh fuck. Young fellow, tell me your name. It's fine, it's fine. Jenoa. me your name. All right, that's fine. Jyn'wa. Jyn'wa. Yeah.

My name is Fy'ra. That's a really nice name. Why, thank you. Keep your ears open, young friend, and be safe. But if you come back from me from time to time, I may have more gold for you. Okay, ma'am. Let me just be clear. from me from time to time. I may have more gold for you. Okay, ma'am. Let me just be clear.

There's nowhere else I can go. They're blocking all the exits and they get really low and they're like, give us your name or give us your head. So I'm here and I'll find you for money. Okay, goodbye. Thank you for not punching me with your stick. Goodbye.

Ugh. What's his name again? What was his name again? Jenoa. Jenoa. And he disappears into the crowd. So I turn around and, looking for Opal, and I see what is happening with this gooey, furry business.

I roll my eyes and I come back towards her. Opal's just like. Are you actually Vicious Mug? Yes. What are you doing? I am dressing her down, giving her a read, and also flicking ooze on her. Why? Because she's such a bitch.

Okay, we've had enough. Do I need to? I will stop. I will stop. If you stop. You brought this on yourself. Just let me walk away with the bolero, and we can just forget it ever happened.

Are you trying to gaslight me? What? It's my jacket! No, no, but I had it. Because you stole it from me badly. But then why did you leave it out like you didn't care about it? It was on the chair. I was ordering a drink.

There's one fucking bartender here and she's wearing so many feathers. Pardon me, open. Yes? I desperately need your help with something, and I just turn you away and put this in your hand, and as I do, I turn to this lady, I'm so sorry about my sister. She has some problems.

You believe her? Please, please. She steals things. Please, please. Her head's wrong. She's spiky. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about my sister. She has some difficulties. Please, forgive. Oh, well, just give you a crazy look.

I take my crazy sister. I keep walking with her. What happened? Oh, thank you. Come back to all of these people. We need to go somewhere now. Somewhere private. Okay. I'm still laying it on thick with our bartender here.

So, yeah, so how's being at a bar? I'm so happy. You're doing good, boy. Doing great. What my brother's trying to say is I have played at so many different taverns. So many. Yeah, so many. And this is the best drink I've ever had. You're so good at what you do.

You're so good. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I never considered myself that good of a bartender, but if you say it's true, it must be. Ha ha ha ha! You're so funny. Thank you, I think you're funny, too.

Do you like your job? Oh, it's great. Well, that doesn't sound honest to me. Do you like your job? Oh, it's great. Well, that doesn't sound honest to me. Do you like your job? I mean, the clientele can be a little bit, a little bit, um. Rough? Yeah.

I can tell. Look at your bracelet. That's a lovely bracelet. May I see it? I just, let's take a look. Do you want it off of me? No, no, I just like to, just, can I take a look? What is happening? Cyrus has forgotten the entire thread of it,

he's just watching. I'll take her hand and my hand says, look, this place is too rough for you. Look, you've got a broken link in your bracelet. I'm just going to rub it with my thumb and cast Mending on it and fix your bracelet. Wow. That was really smooth.

That was great. Shut up, Cyrus. I have to admit, that was, no, that was really smooth, you're good. You're really smooth. That was great. Shut up, Zahid. I have to admit, that was really smooth. You're good. You're really good. I'm just playing. Hmm. Well. Just playing. I have other people to get to.

Sure, I'm so busy. So busy. Um, I was curious. Can I ask you one question before you get back to work? Just one. Of course. I used to work in security. I noticed that- Me too. I'm so good at security.

Well, you both are so big. I mean- And strong. I am. Yeah, you're very strong. And I noticed you, well, I noticed you press the little- I'm a prince. Glyph behind the, shh, shh, please, please, shush. Whatever you do, don't say another word. I love you so much. I love you, too.

We're wondering, is there anything we should know about this place? We've been gambling here and we feel like there's a bad vibe. You know, we want to do it in some. It's true. There's always a bad vibe in Chimel. Really?

I've lived here for 26 years. 26 years? Born and raised, obviously. I look up at my ears and I say, obviously not. Oh, sorry. I should make assumptions. Um. Listen, if you have something else

you want to talk to me about, you're going to have to wait until I get off my shift. When do you get off your shift? When do I get off my shift? Honestly, you could walk away whenever and convince someone else here to take over your shift. But technically, it's not for another three hours. Okay.

Can you give me 20 minutes? I look at my brother very excitedly and go, 20 minutes? Yeah, yeah. Do you want us to wait here, or do you want to be alone? No, please go. Okay, okay. Sure. You and your interesting group of friends that you have.

Yes, we're all friends. Okay, awesome. That's really, that's so interesting. Okay, awesome. Prince. That's really, that's so great. Wow, that's amazing. We have to be. Oh, that's so good. I'm so glad for you that that's happened for you. Anyway, I think we should go.

I think we should go. You're nice. I just wanted to see what your deal was and you know. You're so cool, you're so cool. Thank you. Okay. Let's go. Can I give them a place to meet me? Yes. Great. Where would they be?

You would tell them to meet you outside. So there's a bunch of different theater halls, and they would normally be running several shows. There was a wonderful residency artist named Tharla Starr that's been performing for months. But for whatever reason, in the last week or so, the other two theaters were shut down and it's just this god-awful one-man-show lounge review

of In the Belly of Dragons, The Legend of Scanlan Shorthalt and Vox Machina Musical Review. Okay. Being put on by the nephew of the owner. So you could meet in front of that theater because no one else is going to be there. Okay. And it's called Tharla's Star?

Oh, but she's not there. She's not there. Great. You can meet in front of the little cluster of theaters and have a conversation. Do you know where the theaters are? No. We know next to nothing. Well, great, you have 20 minutes to find them

and meet me there when I'm off my shift. We'll see you. Thank you so much. Bye, I love you. That is a very weird thing to say. Is that a thing that princes say to people? Is that a thing? He's not a prince! This is crazy, come on! Cyrus gets pulled away.

Moir, can you give me... Give me an arcana check. 14. It's been so noisy here today that you almost miss it, that little sound that your songbird makes that's just for you. And you realize now,

as you attenuate your senses to it, that it's been singing loudly the entire time you were having a conversation with that group. Mm-hmm. Yeah, on some primal level, I was like, I need to speak. These people clearly want to speak to me.

I need to talk to them. Also, what did you say earlier? You said something, the city? What did you say? You sing the city? What did you say? You seeing the city? Milking the city? Milk the city. Oh no, when I was talking to my brother, I was just saying that we haven't,

we're aimless, we're wandering. So I just wanted to try and talk to anyone who seems like they're in the know to find some sort of direction. And Morgan's had this voice in her head that's saying, take what you can, bleed the city. And so's had this voice in her head that's saying, take what you can, bleed the city. And so when she hears milk or whatever the city.

She's like, Milk the city. Milk it. Like the moo cow. Yeah. She recognizes that to be too much of a coincidence, that it was like, oh, goals align here, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. And yeah, once you come to that realization,

the true song calms down into a gentle chirp and chatter as you go about whatever you need to do to extricate yourself from the bar. Am I the only bartender? No, they're circling all over the place. You know that your manager, Gowla, has been rotating everyone around

and she doesn't like you very much, so she gives you the bad bar with very little support. I quietly shimmy out from the back of the bar, popping out with all my feathers. Yeah. I go and I would say I probably go to a back room just to take them off. Yeah. Yeah. You notice that when you go back to change,

that there's two other bartenders that you work with, a human and a half-orc, that are putting on the normal baby blue and lilac uniforms here. They're like, why do you, why? You know, we don't have to wear the feather. I think it's pretty. Okay. Do you want me to go over to your?

Yes, it's an unattended bar. They're probably drinking all the alcohol. Then why did you? I had to pee. I had to pee. Fine. I'm going. Never say I didn't do anything for you,

and next weekend, my cousin's birthday is coming up, so if you could cover my shift for me? No, I will, for sure. I'll do it. Deception check. I love that. I'll do it. 17. Thank you so much, sweetie.

Yeah. You're so nice. I know, I know. Sometimes it's hard to be so nice. People say, Morgan, why are you so nice? Why are your ears so fluffy? I don I know. Sometimes it's hard to be so nice. People say, Morgan, why are you so nice? Why are your ears so fluffy? I don't know. I like your ears. Anyway, I'm going to go, and you see that they pick up the pace and head out,

and both of them go to cover your bar. Great. She wonders, Morgan wonders to herself if the Dragonborn ever found the girl in the pink to help her out. Yeah, we can cut back to that. He's just looking around. Where did they go? One of them moved so fast.

I'm sure it's fine. He's walked away. A plot point forgotten to the annals of history. Yeah. There's someone barfing in a slot machine somewhere, for sure. He's got stuff to do. He's got things to do.

100%. Okay. The minutes pass, you circle up with the group and let them know. Ooh, you told us about the theater? Oh, I'm not sure. Wait, who said what? Why do we know?

What do you know? We just come together after splitting ways. Yes. Okay. Hi, guys. Weird night, right? Very. We need to find somewhere private. I need to speak to you all. Okay.

We'll motion over and try to find a quiet corner of the bar somewhere where we can sort of be at your shop. Yeah. What happened? What's the matter? Is Jariax with us? I hope so. I've been at the bar this whole time and I found these really cool splits in the wood beams

that create this pattern, so I've been following with my eyes for the past 10 minutes before looking around and going, Oh shit, where'd everybody go? Oh, oh, I... Oh. I'm coming. I pull my hood over my head,

my fire-resistant hood, and She goes to her, it sucks. It's an excellent cloak. It's very, very comfortable. I don't know how to say this, so I will just spit it out. Poska is here. Poska? What?

In Khaymal. What? How do you know this? Long story. Point is, I think we need to get you all out of here as soon as possible. Well, Don, hold on. I'm sorry, but the whole reason I asked you here,

and I care for you all deeply, was to help my brother and I. I feel like for the last couple of days, all we've been doing is bumbling around, drinking and gambling. Well, we've been doing all right. Right, yeah, we're okay. That's what we do now.

How much platinum do we have between us? Maybe a few hundred. I've got 22. I'm barely broken even. How much do you need? 40,000 gold. It's not going to work. We're not that far off. What?

Not that far? How far do you think we are off? Well, okay, so I have 58 platinum, 97 gold, so. I know you're right, we're far away. I take it back, I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't think gambling and bumbling around, I'm sorry, I don't want to be that guy,

but we desperately need your help, and it feels like things are getting worse, not better. Where are we staying? Here. It costs like two gold and ninety. Okay. For a month. Rough. I think it would be wise for all of us

to make our way out of this city. Leave the city? Yeah, I don't think we're going to make much money in the woods. Well, I'm also going to be honest about all this. Like, we're kind of bad-ass. We dealt with some crazy magical elves in the Verden Glade.

We fought and respectfully fought your sister and into a submissive position within our crew. I think if Poska wants to come for us, we're sitting pretty. Plus, we're in public. What are they going to do? Shoot us and stab us in the middle of a crowded room or something?

Yes. Oh shit, all right. Am I in? Why? Make a stealth check for him. What if we do a heist? What? A heist. A heist? What? A heist.

A heist? Get your money. 28. Steal. What was the? Let me ask you. There's stuff going on. Oh! I'm sorry. As they're talking about this, you hear them talking about a heist. Out loud.

In public. In a crowded casino. Yeah. I've done, like, four heists before. You've heard them talk about what they can do. Yeah, not successfully, but I've heard them. Can we stop saying heist? I also wanted to ask you something.

Sorry. Just come up with a code word for heist. I have a disguise. You've stolen a lot of code. Maybe not stole. Let's make a map. Poodle. Let's make a poodle. Poodle. Poodle's the new word for heist?

Yeah. Let's do a poodle. I like poodles. That also sounds bad as well. Oh, no, that's bad. Hi! Oh, hey! Hi. Yes. Hello.

It's me, the bunny. Hi, bunny. Yeah. Hi. Can we go inside of the theater? Yes. Great. Do you want to go into one of the locked ones that has nothing in it? Nothing in it, yeah. Yeah, okay.

I heard you guys talking about things, so I thought maybe we should go somewhere where other people aren't. She is very smart, let's go. So I probably have keys to things? You literally, at this point, without even having to pull out the correct keys or thieves' tools, you've learned exactly

how to find the right leverage to get these doors open. Cool, cool. You all see her just break into a locked room without any sound or any fuss. Okay. And then, okay, so here's what I wanted to say. Yeah. So I completely neglected the fact

that I have Disguise Self, so I thought it would be really cool if my outfit was just Disguise Self. Yeah. And all of my bumbling was all fake, right? Oh, okay. And my actual outfit, I can then dismiss Disguise Self.

Love it. Right, yeah. So it's easy. I like it. Yeah, yeah. So we go into the dark theater and nobody's in there. What time is it outside right now? There's no windows here, it's a casino. Oh, great, yeah. And they pump in air to make oxygen to make you feel happy.

That's a little harder because it's medieval, but yeah. That's true, yeah, that's true. Through a fantasy vodka, you know. Fantasy vodka! Fantasy perfume. So I apologize. With Rahe or Shari trying to make a buck, you know. Just one tire's hurt in the back with gas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, spell for me.

How long do I have to do this? All right, shucks. So I would say I went to do this? Valiant ships. So I would say, I went to the storeroom to gather my bearings, but I still had my outfit on. And once we walk into the theater, I dismiss Disguise Self. And my actual outfit,

which is traditional rogue attire, materializes. Amazing. No feathers. Well, actually, there are some feathers on my outfit, but they're functional feathers. You turn and suddenly I'm covered in the same feather outfit that you were wearing at the bar. How did you do that?

That's a ga- I turn it back normal. See, you can do it too. That's amazing, wow. I got a cloak off a guy. Hi, what are you doing here? What's happening? I missed a lot of this. I got to cloak off a guy. Hi. Hi. What are you doing here? What's happening? I missed a lot of this. I don't know. I felt directionless.

She seems very smart. How did you do the door? How did you do that with the door? I've just gotten really good at lock picking. Why have you brought us here? Oh, yes, I'm so sorry. Dorian, right? And Cyrus. Yeah, sorry.

And the prince. Prince Cyrus. You remembered our names. I couldn't help it over here. I like being called a prince. That's a thing I've learned about myself now. I couldn't help it over here at the bar that you said that you were hard up for some money. Yes.

And also that you two are going to do some weird brother glamor on me. I didn't really understand it, but. Oh, you heard that. That's embarrassing. I heard all of it. Oh. You should be more careful about the things that you say in public. I thought that we were being quiet.

No, you were not. We were being so quiet. Do you? Oh. Can you hear very well? Are you an excellent hearer? I can, that's true. But there are other creatures here with big ears. It's not just me. Sorry. Anyway.

I'm sorry, we weren't trying to manipulate you, actually. We were trying to. No, you were. It's okay, I was manipulating you right back, so it's fine. What? I do it all the time. I do it every day. Oh. She's so good at it. So, amazing. It's fine, tit for tat.

Fair enough. Mm-hmm. She said tat. She did. Fine, tit for tat. Fair enough. Mm-hmm. She said tat. She did. Fine, tit for tit. Anyway, I thought that maybe our goals aligned. I am not actually a... Well, I am a bartender.

I'm a very subpar bartender, but my real job is just stealing things. That's perfect for a poodle. I will say, before we go any further into this, I think you make excellent drinks, and after a few breads, I think just, just don't think so down on your capabilities. Oh. All right?

Thank you. You're welcome. That's very kind of you to say. I'll sleep well tonight. See? No. You're already leaving it better than we found. You are, for sure. So this job of yours is to steal things? Yes.

Are you, by any chance, aligned with some of the organizations here and now? What do you mean, the Myriad or the Clasp, or? Or any of the others. Mor, you've also heard about the Nameless Ones. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah. I was trying not to talk about them because they're very scary.

Are you, by any chance, referring to the Nameless Ones? I am. Well, I'm not a part of any of those organizations. I have worked alone pretty much my whole life. But it's been getting more difficult lately to plan my poodles because of the Nameless Ones specifically, actually. They're just making it very hard to move about the city.

And, well, I feel like I'm at the end of my rope here, and I need, I need to get into the vault of this casino. Whoa. And siphon what I can and get out. And I don't, I thought I could do it. I did it with a few of the other smaller casinos. This one, I think, is going to be a little different

for multiple reasons. So you have done this before? Yeah, yes, I have. And stayed in town? Yes. Yeah. I mean, think. And stayed in town? Yes. Yeah. I mean, think about it, you know? You don't suspect the ones that hang around

that close to the place where the break-in was, right? Exactly, that would be stupid, wouldn't it? You never suspect a poodle from a bunny. Exactly. Well, to clarify here, I take a job as a bartender, I scope the place out, I siphon what I can from the vault of the casino, and then I leave.

And it usually takes a little while for them to realize anything's happened. How much have you siphoned so far from this one? And how long have you been doing this? Maybe three years. I have not hit this one yet. Wait a second. Wait a second.

I care a lot about these people. Not you yet. You got time to grow on me. You look like a guy I like, so we'll get there eventually. Hopefully, you're on thin ice. Wait, why? Because it's funny.

And why are you trusting us suddenly? This is a lot of very personal, very incriminating information to throw out in front of a bunch of strangers here. Is this a setup? It's not. I know that there's no real way for you to know that it's not, but I'm a little desperate.

Insight check. Go ahead. 17. Oh. She seems sincere. I, um, have you ever heard voices in your head? Yes. Actually. So many.

Yeah. It's like a thing. Uh-huh. Well, I've been hearing this voice telling me that if I stay in Qymo much longer, I'm going to die here. And I have to go. So I want to steal as much as I want to take. I don't feel like it's stealing when it's a huge,

stupid casino with so many children on the streets, you know, suffering. I totally get it. That's why you stole that fur. I'm sure, I'm sure. You had altruistic reasons for doing that. Do we know who owns the Maiden's Wish? Yes. Yes. Joktor Krishton.

It's actually the only casino. Dr. Krishton? What? Dr. Joktor. Joktor. Yes. Joktor Krispola. Go ahead and give me a history check. French spilling. Yeah, pull a little English on it.

That was bad. There's a Q, there's a T, E. There's a seven. Eight. A 19. Thank god. With a 19, as you were coming into town and researching more about getting into Khimel properly, you recognize that as the name of one of the former margraves of the city.

So this is someone who is a celebrity-turned-politician, turned-retired bad boy. Yeah, and that name specifically has been a foundational one in Khimel. If the city belonged to a family, it would be the Creshtons. Yes, and the Maiden's Wish is unique in that it's never changed ownership.

So I'm assuming their security is probably as tight as you're going to get. And I'm assuming, if you're the head of the family with a very prosperous casino that's been in your care for a long time, it's probably pretty full, right? Yes. All right.

Let's just be honest. My brother and I are in big trouble. So much trouble. I heard. These are my very good friends. My very capable friends. We can also get into big trouble. This is the kind of lucky break we've been looking for. Capital P.

For Poodle? All right. It's not going to be easy. The Nameless Ones are seemingly everywhere. They're going to make it really hard to get what we need, and they're going to make it really hard for us to leave. To get what we need, as in the money from the casino, or to get what we need in order to do the...

Yes, they just seem to have eyes everywhere. I know that nobody ever goes to these shows, so I know we're safe here. As you look up at the poster for this one man, one sad little boy show, you see that the name of the performer is Phaedra of Crishton. Oh.

The nephew of Jaqdor. Can I do whatever check I would need to do to see if we're actually alone in here? Oh, yeah. Please give me perception or investigation, your choice. Perception. Natural 20, plus five. Oh, baby!

Looking around the room, you know that you're alone. This place was shut down and well-locked. She's just very good at slipping into places she shouldn't be. And give me another bit of information that you're trying to glean while you're here. Is there anything here that gives me any insight to this particular actor?

Like any personal effects? Is there a dressing room with personal effects in it or anything like that? I mean, looking at this theater, you can actually case this theater with a strong assumption that the other two theaters would be the same. That yes, behind the main stage, there is a dressing room.

That whatever holding pattern would be there. And yeah. whatever holding pattern would be there. And yeah, I'll do you one better. You've been walking around for the last day, day and a half, and you caught at some point that there was someone who looks very much like these drawings on the posters with very impressive security detail that was being escorted to the back of the casino and up to the penthouse.

To the penthouse. He's an important person here. Mm-hmm. And if you're looking for information, or maybe a key or blueprints to get to the vault, Feydrov might be the easiest way in if you can sneak into his room.

What I know, where his, you mean his bedroom? The penthouse. Where he sleeps. What? Where he sleeps. Do we know anything about this Fjordrav? Does he have any particular predilections or likes? Do I know anything about that? Everything you've seen of him, especially over the last couple months

as he's been starting his show, is that he's very into this idea of being like, he's trying to be an actor, but he was never trained for it. And all of this is being given to him. They literally shut down the other shows so everyone would have to go see him. So he's extremely vain, kind of silly.

Not as sharp as you've noticed some of the other members of this family would be. They're just humoring him. Does he travel with security and an entourage as well? With ladies or men or rabbits? He does not discriminate. I don't know that he's ever traveled with a rabbit because I'm the only one I've ever seen,

but he just travels with a security detail. He's very wealthy, you know? He lives in the penthouse of the Maiden's Wish. I've never been up there, but it feels like it might be a good place to start, scoping it out, you know? When's his next show? You look at his poster. Right in front of my face.

Yeah, it's like right over your shoulder. Where's the next show? You meet his pasty little visage with yours, and the next show starts in an hour. Oh shit. Oh. Okay, so having been the gem of Byroden a couple of times, I can tell you that the actors are always here 30 minutes before the show starts.

So his penthouse will be empty while he's here. So in 30 minutes, checks her watch that she's not wearing. I don't know, maybe now's a good time to check out his digs. Okay, well, with the beginnings of a very good poodle in hand, let's go ahead and take a quick break. That quickly? That quickly.

That quickly, the time flies. All right, we will be back in just a moment. Go to the bathroom, I guess. We'll be back soon. Let's do some crime! Yeah! Let's do some crime! Oh, hey there. I'm Ashley Johnson, and you're listening to Exandria Unlimited on the Critical Role Podcast Network. If you'd like to support the show, please check out our EXU merchandise over in the Critical Role shops. Links to all of our regional online stores can be found at critrole.com.

And we're back. So, our intrepid heroes have come together to begin a poodle. To rob the maiden's wish blind and try to make their way

out of the bes... That's on me for not knowing that was coming. Down, down. The besieged city of Chymal under the increasingly tight throttle of the Nameless Ones. Oh.

Mor, your new ally, and Heist Daddy is an appellation I would love to give you if you're open to receive it. I'm the Heist Daddy? You're the Heist daddy, it's an appellation I would love to give you if you're open to receive it. I'm the heist daddy? You're the heist daddy, yes. Yes. Has directed your attention to Fy'raav,

Crishton, giving a one-man show in one hour, and you know what you need to do. Get the key to the penthouse so you can break in. Loop there, grab blueprints, and find your way to the vault. So what do you want to do? Okay, so we said that Fjordrov's next show is in an hour, right?

Yeah, so we need to get out of here. Well, we need to get out of here, but also we need to find a way to get into his room, the back room, his, oh my gosh, what are they called? The stage? The green room? The stage room? The green dress, the dress room. The green dress.

Green dress. Where they put on the green dresses. Where they put on the green dresses. We have to get in there. We have to get his key because, of course, if he's not in his penthouse, the key should be back there, right? Well, keys aren't always a problem, you see. It's just a temporary issue.

We should get the key. If we can get the key, that'd be a lot of help for him, but if we can't get it, we've dealt with that in the past. What, are you going to hack down the door? I mean, if we need to. We can't get it, we have you. It seems you have skills. Oh, well, I mean, everyone, there's a limit to everything, you know? But anyway, so we should figure out a way

to facilitate that. I was actually thinking that maybe if some people posed as people actually going to a show, right? Or perhaps, as I was asking before about his predilections, perhaps someone could charm the pants off of him, so to speak. I hear that's a saying. Oh yeah.

Gila Dix. And see if they could find a way to relieve him of his keys. That's possible. That's definitely an option. Essentially, there's two paths we can go here. We can try to steal it off his person, or we can wait until he's performing

and try to get into the room where his key might be. Hmm. Why not both? Yeah. What if someone, whoever seems to be the most likely to charm him, visits him before the show as a fan. Ooh! Or? And then places themselves somehow in the front row of the audience to keep his attention.

So if they are not able to get the keys at that moment before the show, we at least know that he is enthralled and someone can go backstage. I do, you know, it might be a little risky. I do work here, technically. Oh. You know, I am actually employed as a bartender here,

so I could bring him a drink or something. I don't think that'd be that weird. I know he likes to drink. He likes to drink, right? He loves to drink, so. He's at the bar all the time. He's at the bar all the time. If we spike his drink with

But then the show doesn't go on and something happens. Oh yeah. Cyrus just raises his hand. You're going to have to raise your hand. He has to raise his hand. He's the newcomer, he's the second blue boy. Yes? Second blue boy.

I'm older. Doesn't matter, you're new to us. You're on thin ice, Cyrus. I don't like that we have a problem. I like it. What did you want to say? I don't remember anymore. Oh.

Oh, come on, dig deep. What did you want to say? Oh, uh. You're part of this group, right? Right, Cyrus is a part of the group, isn't he? Yeah, sure. Just, how do I... Do you want me to, we can do the brother, we can bromance.

We did that and it was very silly. I think it worked. Fade out isn't as smart as I am. Oh. You want us to be the worst? I don't know. I mean, you can if you want. I don't know. I mean, you can if you want. I don't know. I could bring in a drink.

I could disguise myself back into my fluffy feather uniform that I wear when I work here, and I could bring him a drink or something. But my only fear is if it goes horribly awry, then we're kind of screwed. Are we killing this guy? No. No, no, no. No, he is good at stealing things.

Sticky fingers. You and you, no? Not bad. So wouldn't it make sense? I stole a fur today. In broad daylight. It's true. You didn't have it when you came back. What happened?

Hmm? What? Hmm? What if the two of you, ostensibly, send a drink through her, then being very charismatic, but also wealthy patrons, might distinctly keep him off his guard.

I don't have any. After all, he does seem to like to show off his playboy sensibilities, no? All right, so pre-play drink from the adoring fans sent by the charming bartender off hours cocktailing for the play while the other group breaks into the back and tries to find the key.

I mean, if we have to try and be very convincing, should we fail the first option, it's good to have the backup crew there. And you know what? If records are any indication, there's probably a 50-50 chance we fucked this up. 50-50 is generous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good.

We've got plan C. Which is? What's that? No one knows what that means. I mean, he knows what I mean. Plan C. Plan C. C? C as in crown?

C as in crown. Crown. I got it, I get it. What is the crown? I don't understand. I have... Oh, shh. I don't know when I'm supposed to ask questions. I think the less you know, the better. Just stand there and look gorgeous. Yeah, I knew it'd get.

Just take off your shirt and stand there. You don't have to take it off. Can I do a quick perception check? Because I realized that, again, I have not seen her wearing it. I know she's still in disguise, but now I'm curious. Yeah, go ahead. Make it with advantage. Oh, good, because that really sucked.

Oh, it's cocked. It's a cocked. Yeah, no, I'm so worried that I can't tell anything. Well, I mean, what are you trying to figure out? She has- I could just show you. Yeah, you could just have a conversation. Oh, fuck. Ah!

I know it's scary, but it has its advantages. So many feelings that she has that on her head, because that is not something that I realized happened when they were gone. Oh. I didn't know. Oh. I'm pretty connected.

Can I just flick to the gift real quick and see how corrupted she is? Evil check. Yeah, go ahead. Give me a... Insight? Yeah, let's make an insight. 20. Okay.

You look toward her and then deep within yourself as you check in with what's happened here. And you remember some of the teachings that Tetrarch Thrascul would go on and on about. That power in and of itself was undifferentiated. It wasn't natural or divine or arcane. It wasn't good or evil.

It just was. And it always was up to the person to use it in whatever way they saw fit. So what you see when you look at Opal is someone who is incredibly fragile and vulnerable under the weight of this incredibly powerful artifact. And if there is corruption there,

and you do see some there, it's coming from within and not from without. Opal is beginning to make new choices. But that's on Opal. I think I may have a solution. I think I might be able to get in and get it and get out. Okay. All right. I think I can do it.

Can you? I have, sorry, above board, are we allowed to talk about spells and things that we have? Or how does that? I mean, yeah, speak, go ahead. Yeah. It's a Mage Hand of Ledger Domain. Ledger Domain. Yeah.

I was like, I feel like I can use that to get it. I can literally get it off of him while he's there. Let's say in a theoretical sense, as world-traveled individuals, purely theoretical, I didn't know what any of that meant. What does that mean? Basically, I can make this kind of hand. Okay?

It's like a wind hand that nobody can see. I can use that wind hand. Can I see it? I'm sorry, I get it. I'm sorry, I heard myself that you can't see it. I heard you when I said it. I can essentially use that hand to get the key off of him unnoticed. Ah. Yes. So if I walk in there with a drink, right?

He's there. I can just take it off of him and leave and he'll be none the wiser. I feel like that's the simplest solution here, right? We love it. That sounds plausible to me. Yeah. So what we do is we try and first connect with this Fadering fella

to try and see if we can get the key off of him personally. In the circumstance in which you, in trying to do so, realize he doesn't have the key, then it's likely in his room. We have a second group ready to go ahead and break in while the other one distracts him. He's going to be doing the performance, right? So he's going to be in the green dress room.

Right, right. Then he's going to leave that room. And be on the stage. And be on the stage. So basically, I'll go in and I'll do my Wind Hand and I'll see if I can find it. If I can't, then I will leave and we can enact plan B, whatever that might be.

And if there is someone left behind in the room, a guard, an assistant. Cross that bridge when you come to me. Yeah. No need to pre-plan. Everything. Or a murder. Sorry. I have been told that I'm a bit of a control freak.

What would I do? What can we do to help you? Does any way I'm going to have anything that we can? You can order the drink. Right? Yeah. Because you have to go in there. Yes. Or, well, no, the key's probably,

I feel like we just need to see what happens here, because I don't know where the key's going to be. Like, we don't know. I mean, I can't imagine you take it out on stage with him. Do we need tickets of some kind to see this show? You would know that absolutely not. Normally, you have to buy tickets. They're paying seat fillers for this one.

Kind of, yeah. Yeah, there's drink tickets being handed out. If you go and you check in at the beginning and the end, you get a drink ticket. How far out are we from the show? About 20 minutes out. 20 minutes. So he'd be backstage at this point, right? Mm-hmm.

Or on his way. Or on his way. Are you going to try it right now? Mm-hmm. I mean, if he's back there, sure. Well, time like the present. Great. All right. Come here. I put my hand on her shoulders and I go,

I know we just met, but one of my superpowers is positive affirmations, and I think you're going to do just great. I'll cast Bardic Inspiration on her. Oh. Oh, wow. Do you feel it? Do you feel the confidence? Yes. I feel so strong.

Yes! You're so good at that. I feel so good about myself. Thank you. Godspeed. De-ro-dorian.. Thank you. Godspeed. De-ro-dorian. Oh, you suck so much. Anyway, so all right.

There's nobody else but us in here, right? Correct. So I'm going to cast, I'm going to cast, oh my goodness, Disguise Self, and put on my feathers. Feathers, great. I've worked pretty close to the bar, right, still? Or is there any kind of? You have to still have to cross the main thrust

of the casino floor. It's not close. Okay, great. You can get there and back in 10 minutes. Perfect. I will saunter over there. I'll say I'll be right back. I'm going to go make a very fancy drink. Make it a double. I don't know what that means.

It felt powerful to say. Yes. Any of you who have this power to change appearance, can you do something about toning this down while we are trying to be a little bit? Here, tell you what. I'm going to go ahead and take the cloak off of my shoulders and wrap it around you. Oh no, no.

I don't want it to catch on fire. Well, no, no, no. Oh, I'm, oh. It's magical. It won't burn. And also, here, I'm going to go ahead and fix the clasp in front and be like, think of yourself looking a specific, cool kind of way. So I imagine myself exactly as I am, but instead of my hair being on fire,

it's just ombre red and gold and blonde. So it's beautiful, but not actual flames. It's big, curly, fucking beautiful hair. In the space of a blink, your hair goes out and is replaced with just luscious, shiny, bouncing curls. It's a wig. Shh. Smells better in here. It's a front lace, at least, okay?

Thank you, Dariax. Take care of it. I shall. All right. Well, I'm thinking of... I might have to use my imagination a little bit more than I just did. You got options, you can think on them, you got that.

Before we get this situated, you got a minute? Sure. Sorry. I can't. Cyrus starts to follow, too. It's fine. I can stay. I'm sobered up a bit. Okay. I think I'm to follow, too. It's fine. I can stay. I'm sobered up a bit.

Okay. I think I'm feeling a little more comfortable in this space. So I'm waiting for the right moment to kind of, we got you something. What? While you were away and you were doing this whole journey thing, helping out Orym and Fearne, we kept an eye out and there's this

douchebag traveling performer that came through, byroden, named Cyneth, and a total dick, took his instrument, and I just think it'd be better in your hands, if you don't mind. Okay. Thanks for my presence, but it's very nice. Yeah. What is it?

I pull up from under the cloak previously, holding it the whole day, waiting for the right moment. It's uncomfortable. Aw, how sweet! But now the cloak's gone, you can see the strap over the shoulder and pulls off this heavy-looking mandolin, this beautiful inset deep red mahogany tint to it and passes it over to you.

This is gorgeous. Wait, you said you took it off of him. This isn't a dead man's mandolin, is it? No! No! I don't think so. All right. To be truthful, I've never really played it.

It has a different tuning, right? I'm going to try to pluck a little something out of the mandolin. Give me a performance check, baby. Oh! Oh! Dirty. Oh no, no, what am I saying?

23. Oh my god. It's nice. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh, it's nice. Yeah. You absolutely noodle on it, and it feels just, you're right, it's awkwardly shaped and a little different, but the moment you start to play, it feels like your hands know instinctively

exactly where to go, and you lose yourself almost immediately in whatever song you're playing. This is very fun. Thank you so much. Of course, yeah. I figured it was better in the hands of a talented sort than some of these wandering individuals

who played themselves off as professionals. Yeah. Yeah, who would ever pretend to be a professional musician? Gross. I'll sling the mandolin over my other shoulder. I guess now I've got crisscrossing stringed instruments. Yeah, baby!

The force will make you! Hell yeah, baby. Oh yeah, don't drink sand, that's a deep cut. Amazing. You can add that to your sheet. Oh, come on, sir. Cyrus is going to hang back a step to try to catch Dariax as everyone's leaving the room.

Hey. I just want to say, look, I understand I'm new and on thin ice, but that was really nice. And my brother keeps a lot of stuff close to the vest. I know you guys went through a lot here before I found him again. So thank you for taking care of him.

Of course. You know why this works well? Why? Because before we do something, to make sure it doesn't hurt anybody else in this group. There's some lessons here to learn, buddy. Yeah. Doesn't mean we think before we do it. But when we do it, we try and make sure

it doesn't hurt anybody in the circle. Okay. I'll be better. All right. Thanks. Ice, a little less thin. For now. You see a little ripple of invisible wind runs through his clothing and through his hair. As he feels a little better,

he stands up a little straighter, and is full like 6'3", and follows you out. All right. Told you he'd like it. Yeah, you're a good friend. So are we just hanging out in front of the theater? Where?

Mor has disappeared. What are you going to do? Yeah, I want to be somewhere where I can be, like, is there, in the theater, is there an emergency exit by the back? I imagine a proscenium with a backstage door and a little exit, like a little fire exit. There's no exit to get outside of the casino itself.

The only exit from the theater goes back into the casino proper. Is it far, far away? It's back behind you. This whole place is probably only, I'm going to say, like a hundred foot square. Nope, that's light. A hundred foot by a hundred feet. Got it. There we go.

Got it. So. Okay. I just want to be somewhere in the shadows, but able to get to that door. And if there's a way to be able to hear, if there's a commotion backstage or anything like that, as close as you can get to the backstage door without being...

Give me a stealth check. Oh no. As you're walking through, there are 12s of people in this theater. 12s? Oh, wow. So many. No. No, now's not the time to use it. You sure? I am a coward.

Burn it. You got slots. I got inspiration. I'm going to fix it. Yeah. I'll never give inspiration again. That's super bad. It wasn't much better. Oh no. It's an 11.

You start to move towards the backstage area, but again, because there aren't a ton of people in there, like in the theater proper, the few patrons that are sitting and sipping on drinks and being like, What is this? I don't know what this is. kind of spot you, and they're watching you walk back. No one's stopping you, but you are definitely seen

as you sidle back towards the green dress room. Try to look as casual as possible, like I belong there. Yeah. And just kick back against the wall and just keep a staff handy. You peek into the room and you see that there are eight people there. A couple big, burly guards that look like, one's very clearly a full orc, another is a yoked-out, reddish-colored dragonborn

that are hanging in the very back, standing and flanking an empty leather chair. Then the rest of the people in the room, the other six people, seem like various hangers-on, groupies and entourage. And I don't see more anywhere? You don't see Mor because Mor is- Went to go get some food. Yeah.

Pando P. What are the rest of you doing? Where'd the, where's Mor going to go? She went to the bar to go make the drink. Drinks. Right, right. Okay, okay. We wouldn't know where the penthouse is, right? It's hidden in the casino.

Unless we worked there, we wouldn't know where the penthouse is, right? It's hidden in the casino. Unless we worked there, we wouldn't know where his penthouse is. Yeah, give me... We'll just call this a retroactive investigation check to see how much detail acuity you picked up as you were floating around earlier. You said investigation? Mm-hmm. 13.

I don't know. It's not bad. Okay. Opal, if I may offer this, is a bit of a social striver and would look for egresses for important people. Yeah. Yeah. So there are a couple doors that are painted to be glossed over and not directly seen that you've seen guards and important people

flow in and out of. Okay. You have a pretty strong understanding that if you went back to the left of the entrance to the High Roller's Den, would be probably the best direction to get towards the penthouse. Okay. So I think maybe I'd confer with the group and ask,

would it be worthwhile for one of us or two of us to be near the penthouse, just in case, so that when we get the info, we get the key, or if we don't get the key, we can hit plan B. Just go straight in. Straight in, yeah. Because this is our only chance for him to definitely not be in there. Yeah.

How do we have a way of contacting whoever might be waiting by the penthouse? Because that otherwise wants to keep us from going there when we realize that's the scenario. Otherwise, one of us is just sitting there picking their butt the whole time. Which would probably be me. Just don't touch your eye after.

Fool me threes. Shame on me. No, fool me threes. Shame on me. Fool me threes. Diarying. Fool me threes. Fool me threes. Do I get a look at any of the guards that Fy'ra Rai just saw that are maybe with our actor?

Did you walk up with her? Sure. What? I'm not going, I'm sorry. I have an idea, but I didn't mean to interrupt you. No, please! Is Genois anywhere? If I look out back at the casino,

do I see Genois anywhere? There's a lot of people here. You would have to make a concerted effort to try to find him. Do I have to leave, you mean? You have to leave to go find him. Fuck. Yeah. Because he would be a great little messenger.

He would. He super would. Wait, I thought he was the owner. Oh no, Genois was the kid. Genois was the little messenger. He would. He's super good. Wait, I thought he was the owner. Oh no, Genois was the kid. Genois was the little kid. Oh, a little kid. Jacques. Jacques. Genois.

Genois. Okay. Je m'appelle Genois. Every Genois name starts with a J because that's the only letter I know today. Would I, because I'm assuming Mr. Fajdrav has come to the bar before in the last few weeks. He's never come to the bar. Oh, he's never, okay.

But he'll send people over. Okay, gotcha. So would I know what his favorite drink was? Absolutely. Great. It is called the Cloud Top, and it is just one of those drinks that takes six minutes to make.

It's got egg white in it. Oh, for sure. I knew it! It's a 12-step cocktail. It's a 12-step cocktail. It's got egg white in it. Oh, for sure. Yeah, I knew it! It's a 12-step process. It's a 12-step process. It's a fit. It's a fit. Technically, you're supposed to be a mixologist

in order to do it, not a bartender. You have to do a special shake, because if you disrupt the balance of oils, it's... That's true. Yeah. It's true. It's not bread. And the drink is so tiny,

and you have to do so much work for it. Yeah. I don't know, should we go? Should we split up? I think you're right, I think someone should. Just to save a little time. Yes, split up. Oh god, I hate splitting up, but we have to, I think.

Yeah. I just don't know how to get the message. How about if we don't hear from you in 20 minutes, we just fucking beat down the door? I can do that. We can both do that. Let's do it. This group has no means of communication.

They were like, everybody go a different way! Yeah, then that means beat down the door if no one shows in 20 minutes. All right, sounds like a plan. Okay, we'll wait for the key to show up. What, 30 minutes? How long does it show, one hour? I don't know if I'm that patient.

15. 15. 15. 15, all right, we can do 15. Wait 15 minutes. More sweating from where she's making the dress. She hears it from her ear. 15 minutes, oh my god. She's actually a very good bartender.

She's just used to making herself seem smaller to everyone else. So she's like, well, you know, she's actually a really fucking good bartender. She's been doing it for a while. Let's just all try to blend in as you work your way closer to Mor and see what happens.

If anything goes south, we'll be ready. And as I'm talking about this, I feel like my shoulder aches where I put the mandolin onto my shoulder. And I'm just trying to play honest here. After my little strumming thing, I am not attuned to this instrument that I was just given, and I just failed my wisdom saving throw.

So I would need to, you said who had that, Mandolin? Was it Kine? Yeah, Kine. Yeah. And I, oh god. I just get a splitting headache and I take 10 points of psychic damage. Amazing. Oh shit. I'm just trying to play honest here. Call me if I'm wrong here, Dariax,

but I don't think so. If I just picked it up and started strumming it, if I'm not attuned and I try to play it, I take 2d4 of psychic damage. No, that's true. And I rolled a 10. So I just feel a little weird about it, and I'm going to say, Give me a minute,

and I'm going to work my way off by myself, and I'm going to say, Give me a minute. I'm going to work my way off by myself, and I'm going to pull it back on, and I feel like I have a sense of what's going on here. I feel like it's that, and I'm going to try and find a quiet place and mess with this thing a little bit and try to attune myself to it. I'm going to find a quiet corner

and just try to tune into this thing that just- So that it stops trying to slowly kill you? So it stops trying to hurt me. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right. Cyrus ducks next to you. Do you want me to?

Oh, ouch. Yeah, did- I'll work it out. Did your guitar try to kill you? Maybe not kill me, but it definitely gave me a little bit of a headache. Just hang with me for a minute. Yeah, okay.

I'll start tuning and playing and trying to attune to this. All right. I am going to step out of the theater and just eyeball and see if I can see Jyn'wai. Okay, go ahead and make an investigation check. Investigation check for me. Any investigation? Doesn't want to be perception?

Nope! Okay. Natural 20. Oh shit! No, no, no, no be perception? Nope! Okay. Natural 20. Oh shit! No, no, no, no! Plus? We need you. You don't have to add the plus! You're telling Critical! You shouldn't have to add the 20!

You did it, you did the whole thing! Yay! Yay me! So you're looking out and you let your eyes relax because you can see the flow of the way people are in here. It reminds you of how water flows through a river and passes around rocks. Then you see something working against the current. You see a couple things.

Jyn'wav was not the only pickpocket here, but that anti-flow is so easy to spot now, you wonder how you never failed to notice it before. You see he is over near the Ico table, and he's just gently liberating coins from patrons as they're sitting and gambling. Love him.

He's about 30 feet away. I am going to make you leave to go talk to him. No, of course. Fuck. All right, I'm going to go over and I'm going to head over to him and be like, Brother, come, they're waiting for us. Then I'm going to flash my eyes a little bit

so he knows it's me because my hair is different. Yeah. They're waiting for us. The show is about to begin. Come, come. No money, no money. No money. I lean down to him.

You lead him away and he follows you, but you can see he's a little perturbed that you've disrupted his brisk trade. Okay, what, why, what, why? I have more money for you. I love money. But you have to be very, very skillful and very, very stealthy and very, very quiet.

So all of those three things. Because you know I will kill you if you do not do this thing that I asked. Don't know how we got to murder already, but maybe it's the accent. I'll stop it. I'll stop the accent. If maybe that will help. Oh my god. Please don't kill me.

I need you to stand here in the back of the theater. And in the back. No, I've seen this guy so bad. It's all right. Keep an eye on me, not on him. If you see. You know I'm a child, right, ma'am? Yeah. Okay. Keep an eye on me and not him.

I'm a mature 13. Yeah, I feel it. I feel it. Keep an eye on me and not on him. Not true. Not true. If you see me run backstage, I want you to find my friends. You remember them? No, but just the lady I stole from.

Great. I want you to find the lady I stole from. I want you to run to her and say, if you see me run backstage, say, Go, go now. Go, go now. Okay, where's she? Do I have to find her? You're heading up to the penthouse?

I think we're just leaving at the moment. Well, we're going to try and meet up with that Morrigan girl because we don't know where the penthouse is. Correct. So we need to figure out where that is, and I think probably since she works here, she'd be the one to ask about it. So let's go talk to her.

Okay. We'll do that. Maybe you see my slinky pink evening gown. Correct. Is there anywhere near the- Is that her? She was always wearing it. Oh. Is there anywhere in the theater or at the entrance of the theater

where you can see the bar area, these guys, and see, is there a doorway? Do you want a perfect viewing area? Yeah. No. Okay. No. You know how casinos are built to be confusing and hard to navigate?

Even for savvy children? Especially for savvy children. Can I perch in the rafters? Can you stand on a slot machine? Then you stand on a slot machine. Then you stand on a slot machine. Okay. But yeah, this seems right, right? If something goes awry and I run backstage,

that means he has to go find them. Who are you talking to? Oh, got it. Will you have to find them? Yes, just keep an eye out for her. Likely she will be near the bar. Near the bar, okay. Near the bar. How much money

am I getting for this? Am I going to die? I'm going to hand him, how much gold do I have? A bunch, I don't know. Put a down payment. I'm going to give him a down payment. May I use you to give me a number? I'm going to give him a down pay.

I don't know where I find it. Go to inventory. Inventory. Did you give, do you have? I don't even see any gold in my inventory. Why? It's in the upper right of the... Why? You can just do a lie about it.

Oh, okay. I already gave him two, so there's less than that. Mm-hmm. You're profiting! Yeah, you're a monk. You're bad at gambling! I'm a monk. And a monk! Oh no, wait, I made money! When I gambled, right? Mm-hmm.

25. I made 25. Did you make 25? No, you made 75. You bet 25. You made 75. Oh, nice. Yeah, okay, this is fine then, we're fine. So I have 73. Okay, great, so I give him two gold pieces.

Right now, I say a done payment, yes? More to come when we are done. Okay, you run into the room, and I go find you. Mm-hmm. I say, go, go now. Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, this is great. Great, okay. Okay.

On you guys go. Can I continue to pickpocket people in the interim? You know, to keep up appearances. Near, as long as you can see me. Yeah, I can see you. Only if you can see me. Are you pickpocketing people? Not you. Not yet.

Yeah, you want to pickpocket? Not you. Try to pickpocket me. If you're a good boy. Okay. If you're a wry, are you kidding? I don't have a sense of humor. Have you met me?

You do. I'll give you one gold if you can take his whole bag of gold. I'll give you two gold if I can take it. He walks around and he's going to try and pickpocket the guy. Yes! Give me a sleight of hand roll.

As you rock up on a fairly portly older human man. That's a 29. No, shut up! Seriously? I didn't know you were good at this. He's good at what he's good at. He's good at what he's good at. Look, I've done a few, you know.

Yeah. Done a few unlawful monetary gain circumstances. There's a reason you used to run with Denise Dulles-Innes. Right, right? Yes. Do you say that out loud? No.

No, I just said that in this tone of voice, so why would I say that? I don't know. This is above table top. We were all doing the voice. This is above table top. Ken and I doesn't have accents, only the crazy, unplaceable one

that she actually speaks with. Shit, a little shit. Incredible. Okay, Dariax, you explain to me what it looks like as you absolutely fleece this gentle man. I did not even make eye contact with this 13-year-old kid. I'm on one hand now competitive with this kid for no reason, suddenly, fiercely competitive, and also I want to be friends with this kid for no reason, suddenly fiercely competitive. And also, I want to be friends with this kid

because he seems cool and he steals from people. That's my old bag, you know? So I just keep like, yeah, what up? I give him his two gold. Ha! Sorry, that was involuntary. He's crying just a little bit. Aw, that's beautiful. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I'm different now. Good. I walk by, I change lives. That's what Dariax does. Oh my god, Dariax. I'm Dariax, by the way. Do you know Denise? No.

We got to go. I got to go. I got to go. No, we don't. No, we don't. Okay. As we walk off. Yeah. Focus on the idea. Focus on the plan, yes?

On the plan. Please. You know, he's got, there's a lady here that's going to- Focus on the plan. Okay. I'm just saying. How much time has passed? He's going to die. Or how close are we to the moment of truth? I'm going to say, by this point,

as Jynna eats his enthusiasm for the butt-whooping that Denise wants to distribute to her ex, you can come over with your drink. And I'm going to say, I understand that attunement is supposed to be a short rest, hour-long thing, but you were so kind as to be honest. Hurt myself? You hurt yourself for the culture.

I'm going to say you're attuned to it now. All right. You can come back over. All right, cool. Handsome boy, honest boy. Yeah, we love an honest boy. So did we, at this point, catch her and get directions to the penthouse before she landed with the drinks?

She's now walking past you with a gilded tray with one tiny, precariously perched glass covered in foam in it. Less, right? Oh, no, it's more. Of course it is. Can you tell us where the penthouse is?

We just want to be at the ready. It's the penthouse is at the top. It's a penthouse. We didn't think of that. How do we get there? Does this place have an elevator or is it stairs? It's stairs because, again, technology. The polling system.

Mor kind of just leans in really close. It's stairs because, again, technology. It's the pulley system. Morr just leans in really close. It's the stairs. Gotcha. She very specifically points at a recessed door to a staircase that's, again, to the left of the High Roller's den. Yeah, and the stairs are always unlocked because they'd be a fire hazard if they weren't.

That's so sweet. You're so good at this. She's so good at this. I try. What's up? She's so good at this. Yeah, you're great at this. Oh my god, thank you. Yeah, no, it's awesome. Hi, I'm Jyn Maw. Hi. This kid's awesome.

Can I have a drink? You cannot have this drink. Can I have it? Please? No. Oh, right. Can we share it? I'm sorry. No. Okay. I can get you a seltzer or something when I'm done with what I'm doing.

I'm a man. Absolutely, you are. And my father always said that... Go on. That men drink seltzers. So that's a thing that he always said, so. I don't have a father, so I'm going to pretend your dad's my dad and he told me that.

Oh, that would be very sad for us both indeed. Anyway, I should go. Yeah, me too. I'm watching. Fade's back. So I'll keep walking. Is he on stage at this point? Is Fade Rav on stage? Yeah.

Okay, great. Well, it took me a little longer to make the drink than I thought. I forgot that a cloud top is very involved. So I'm just going to take it, my plan becomes to take it to the back, to put it down so he'll have it when the show is over. Because how long has he been performing for?

He just walked in. Great, okay. He's now up. You walk into the theater. You hear him beginning the warbly, pitchy refrain of a song called Beads of Love. And yeah, you're able to immediately sweep towards the green dress room, where there's eight people,

some hankers on, and his security detail that straighten up as you come to the back. Hello. I have a delivery. It's a cloud top for Mr. Fajdroff. He's on stage right now? Oh, absolutely. It's for after the show, so. Oh, okay. Yeah, sent after the show, so. Oh, okay.

Yeah, sent by one of his biggest fans. They didn't tell me their name, but I think they're in the audience right now, so. Who is this fan? Point him out to me. And this tall, very dark, slicked-back hair elf puts his arm around your shoulder and leans you out into the theater. This tall, very dark, slicked-back hair elf puts his arm around your shoulder and leans you out into the theater

to be like, point them out. Oh, for the life of me, I can't see them. They might've gone to the bathroom or the bar or something, I don't know. Anyway, I'd love to take this drink in. Make a deception check for me. Oh boy. Dude, why isn't that a 20?

Two card. Okay. That is a, wait. Oh my god, what's 11 plus nine? 20. Yeah, that's 20. It was too high of math. It was too high of math.

And he goes, Okay, sure. Do you... You can drop it off and then... Yeah, I'll drop it off. I just want to make sure no one spills it. Okay. He backs off.

The arm wasn't there in a creepy way. No, no, no. He immediately backs off and allows you access into the room. There are still seven people in the room. In the room? Mm-hmm. Oh shit. Where's everyone else?

Are you waiting? Yes, we're waiting, right? Are we waiting at the door? At the door of his penthouse, right? Yeah, yeah, okay. I, oh. I'm just trying to get locations for everyone. Oh yeah. I'm still hanging to make sure that she comes out safely.

Ooh, and there you go. Me and Beau have made our way over back over to the group, I think. Which group? Good point. Ah! Where are we going? Everyone went in different places.

Yeah, yeah, two sauce if they're at the penthouse door, so I'll go with Vri. Yeah, we'll go. Okay, you're all just going to lean against the wall. I'm going to sit in the audience. You're both viruses? Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm going to just watch it.

Okay, so I'll walk over, lean up next to her with a foot on the wall and see my brother do the smart thing and go sit in the audience, and I'll immediately walk and go sit in the room. Yeah, okay, I'll sit up next to her with a foot on the wall and see my brother do the smart thing and go sit in the audience, and I'll immediately walk and go sit in her room. Wow! Yeah, okay, I'll sit in the audience. So if we're at the door,

I'd love to summon my familiar. Oh. Ooh. Which I have dangling as an earring. It's a little spider, and I've named her Ted, too. Oh my god. I just want to say, I am involved. you hear deep within your own mind,

I just want to say, I find that name incredibly problematic. Why? Why? Why would you name it after me? Because she's kind of ugly. That's so fucked up. I'm kidding! I'm just kidding. You're not even kidding. I'm inside you. I'm kidding a little bit. I know, but that's why. You're not kidding.

I just like to hold you close, on the outside, too. Some bullshit. She takes off the earring and summons Ted, too. Can a little, small spider crawl under the doorframe? So you're standing outside of the actual penthouse door. Yeah, I think we're looking maybe a few feet off, just looking like drunk tourists. We're pretending we're like,

anyway, so, while I do this. Yeah, what? Hmm? Making noise outside the door. Oh no. Well, we're just moving past it. We're moving past it. Yeah.

Let me paint you a picture really quick of how a penthouse works. You go up to the top of the stairs and it's the only thing there. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Okay. Because there's no other stuff because it's a penthouse? Gotcha. Okay.

Good point. So you go up to these stairs. It's back recessed away. There's no other people in this hallway or near the staircase, but the door you see is incredibly heavy. Okay. There's no other people in this hallway or near the staircase, but the door you see is incredibly heavy. There's no leeway between the edges. It is a tight, perfectly crafted fit.

This is an expensive, impressive door. What about the lock hole? Are you trying to fit it through the little... How big is your familiar? I mean, she's small enough to be on a little bit of an earring. You're wearing big ass earrings right now! I mean, look at the picture, okay?

Stop it! Listen. It's real small. Okay. Yeah, Ted's small. Ted, too, small. Ted 2. Small. How badly do you want this to work? Very badly. Oh, I know this game. I just had a flashback.

So you detach Ted 2 from your earring. What does it look like as this little piece of jewelry enervates into a living spirit of a spider. I think because I've named it Ted 2, it probably bites me or something on the way down. Just like. And I guess, I don't know, it just maybe goes from being a black little spider

to just very briefly, momentarily, glowing like a little opal and then iridescent and then going back to normal spider. Okay. Then maybe it crawls through the hole. And this tiny little spider squeezes its bulbous little butt through that hole. Teens, teens.

Yep. And can I tell Ted, too, what I want it to look for? Absolutely. Do you say it out loud or telepathically? Telepathically. Ted, too, what I want to look for? Absolutely. Do you say it out loud or telepathically? Telepathically. Ted, too, I want you to look for a blueprint or a little map or a big map rolled up and just tell me where exactly it is in the room.

Also, tell me if there's people in there. Okay, love you, bye. And Ted, too 2 begins the search. We'll come back to that in a second. Has Dariax ever seen Ted 2 in action? No, Dariax, oddly, is not even paying attention. What is he doing? He is lost in thought.

Oh no. Oh. That's not good. Thought in quotes. She's in thought. Oh no. Oh. That's not good. Thought in quotes. She said thought. She just did one little nap. I'm deeper. There's lost in thought, then there's lost in thought.

Yes, which thought is he lost in? What is burdening our sweet Dariax's soul? I don't know, you heard a name he had to hurt, and you want to. Oh, right. Okay. Oh no. Amazing. So he's listening out best he can, but he's also like, uh-oh.

Amazing. He's waiting for an Oh my god. Chantelope. Ha! Sorry, that's why I couldn't time that involuntary loud laugh. Look, that's good! Let it happen. Let the joy roll out of you. We cut back downstairs to the theater.

All right, you're back in this room with seven people, two guards, five entourage members. Great. I would like to see if there's any kind of bag that's been left back here. I'm assuming that Fajdrov does not carry his room keys onto the stage with him. So I'm trying to perceive whether there is some kind of

thing, bag, man bag, that he has left. Give me an investigation check. Great. Check for man bag. Okay, that's an 11. But. But. The Dew of Inspiration. So you're using it?

I mean, yeah. And that's a, what is that, a D? No, you just roll again. Oh, it was Bardic Inspiration. Oh, you're using a Bardic Inspiration. Sorry, yeah, Bardic Inspiration. Yes. Was it right?

Yeah, yeah. What's your Inspiration die? Yeah. Mm-mm, mm-mm. I never use it properly. Six level, it should be a d8. Is it a d8 now? I think it's a d8.

That's right, you're such a big boy now. Oh, I know. My sweet Bobby. It's a d8, you're right. Let's see if this helps us out. Oh, it's a one. Oh no! So that's going to be a 12.

Yes. With a 12. Yes. With a 12, you look around the room and you see that there is a little coat rack area over the empty leather chair that the two body men are guarding. On it are a very fancy green velvet robe and a man bag and three scarves. One of the scarves has pockets, so you now have...

I'm sorry, let's take that back a second. The scarf has pockets? Yes, it's the big, you know the big Lady Kravitz scarf that's so much scarf? Yeah. That's a blanket. It's a blanket and it's got pockets. Oh my god. I said what in the fuck I said?

All right. All right. All right, you've got some choices to make. Oh fuck. What you going to do? I'm sorry, let's see here. Man bag, coat. Man bag, robe.

Robe. Scarf, scarf. Scarf with pockets. I'm going to go for the man bag. Oh, you're just going to walk toward it? Well, how else am I going to know? How am I going to know? You're right. You walk towards the bag. Oh, I have an idea.

No. No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. You know what? You rolled a 12. Okay. No, no, no. I rolled a 12. This is your last one before I punish you for words you say. No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, listen. And she'll do it. I will. I'm a say. No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, listen. And she'll do it.

I will. I'm a bastard. I would like to walk, okay. I'd like to put the drink down. No. I want to spill the drink. Oh. I want to. We keep spilling shit. I want to run in.

I want to walk in and say, Hi, everybody. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to deliver this dru-oo. The drink goes everywhere. This is my plan. Uh-huh. I fall into the coat rack. Oh, yes. I listen for jangles. I try to touch everything.

Who's jangles? My familiar. That's her twin! Spider-Man and his jangles. She was God of Twins! No, I'm trying to, I have a plan. My familiar. That's her twin! Little spider-nosed jingles! She's got a twin! Oh, I'm trying to, I have a plan. All right, step one of the plan, a convincing pratfall.

Please make a performance check for me. And I've seen her cross in, right? I mean, I'm not in there. Yeah, she walked right past you. It's a, oh, wait, 10. It's a 10. You pretend to trip and you stumble beautifully as this tiny drink goes ass over tea kettle

and shatters on the ground in front of the leather chair. Both guards look down at you and one catches you before you're able to get within five feet of the chair in the rack. Like, watch out. before you're able to get within five feet of the chair in the rack. Watch out! You see that as he catches you, he looks down and notices the difference between what he feels with you in his arms

versus what he sees with your giant, feathery costume. Oh shit. Can I hear any of this outside the door? Yeah, yeah, you super can. Yeah, you can. Well, this is not, oh my god. How am I going to get in there? Okay, fuck it.

I'm going to think. Oh no! Let's go! I'm going to think. First, I'm going to look at... Jacques Cousteau, no. Jacques Cousteau. Jacques. Jean-Claude. Jacques, you say Genois. Genois. Genois. I'm going to hold up my, I'm just going to do this.

I'm just going to go, stay. Don't, like, I'm not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm not. I'm going to skip that. And I'm going to, in my head. I'm going to be indecisive. I'm going to be indecisive. So I'm going to look at him and then I'm going to be indecisive. I'm going to be indecisive. So I'm going to look at him,

and then I'm going to turn into the room, and as I do, I'm going to think really hard about the posters that I saw of the beautiful actress who does shows in the other theaters. Darla Starr? Darla Starr. And I'm going to walk in. I'm going to walk in and say,

Gentlemen! Oh, I'm so sorry. Shh, the show is going on. Shh, very, very quiet. Oh my god, stop. Oh, you all, don't. Varla fucking Starr? Shh, oh my god.

I don't want to make a scene. I'm just so excited to see my young friend's show. Oh, the sweet, sweet boy. The sweet, sweet boy. He, he. He would be so happy. He's on stage right now. I know he is right now.

That's why I'm sneaking back here, because I want to leave him a little present. Would you guys mind? Would that be all right if I left him a little present? Yeah. I'm sure everyone's got things for him right now. This is such a strange performance. Oh, you sweet, sweet thing.

I'll tell you what, since you're fans, would you like an autograph or anything like that? I would love one. And I specifically look at the gentleman who's holding, like who are like... Oh, the guards that are holding up more are not paying attention to you. They're not paying any attention to you.

None. But the five hangers-on, especially a young gnomish woman in the front, are just fawning over you. Wonderful, wonderful. I'll tell you what, since we're in the theater, let's get a moment in front of all of these beautiful costumes on this rack.

Shall we? Oh, gentlemen! I'm going to just walk up to these guards and be like, excuse me, excuse me, we're just going to have a moment here to soak in the theater, to soak it in. Oh, can you feel it? Can you feel the smell of the costumes? Oh, it's so beautiful. We need insight check.

I feel it really hard. Fuck me, fuck me! Is the show going on? Yes! Oh, it's a 19 plus five, it's a 24. Cool. Oh my god. With an insight check, you see that the other guard, the one that's not holding more by the shoulders,

because he's still looking at you like, what the? The half-orc looks you up and down and goes, Miss Starr, you are under strict orders to not show your face here while his nephew is performing, you have this tendency to pull focus. Can I tell you a little secret?

Okay. Yeah. I lean into his ear and I'm like, the reason I'm not supposed to be back here is because the two of us have begun a bit of a dalliance, you see. His ears immediately turn bright red. Now, if you would be so kind

as to allow me this moment, you know, for my young beloved, and after all, at my age, it's so rare that we're able to have this kind of attention with someone. I promise to make it worth your while. Make a deception check. Fuck! I hate rolling.

I'm so into this shit. Please, please. Oh! Why did I use my pen? It's a 10. I'm under strict orders to not. You know he's sleeping in Mr. Joktor's penthouse. You can just meet him there later. I'll be watching out the front, if you want to.

Oh. But maybe not here, where there's people. This is a lovely idea. Do you have any idea? I mean, I obviously need a little help getting in there. Yeah, yeah. The implication was that I would let you in later after his show.

Oh, you sweet, sweet boy. I love this. This is wonderful. Oh, this is great. I'm so glad all this has worked out. I try to extricate myself. Why don't I feel your feathers? Oh, they're hard. Oh, you! You, the bartender who makes that delicious drink.

What's it called? The bread. Oh, the bread. Oh, yes. Oh, the bartender who makes that delicious drink. What's it called? The bread. Ah, the bread. Oh, I must take you with me. Excuse me, I need her services. I want her to bring my favorite drink and his favorite drink up to the room. Thank you so, so much. Come with me. Yes!

I'm just going to take her by the hand. Oh my god! I'm going to pull her out of the room. But you watch the two guards begin to confer amongst each other as you leave. That little gnomish woman was like, what happened to our moment?

Oh no! Oh shit. Our moment. I imagine one of the guards is like, was she British? No, I didn't. Mostly British. Yeah. What's going on, really quickly,

I just want to know what's going on with my sweet boy. Oh, does he? He's been to some time and... Just watching Fade Rob's terrible performance. Yeah, we are sharing a paper bag of hot salted nuts, me and my brother. Oh my god! I lean over and I'm like,

I don't see what all the bad reviews are about. It's not that terrible. I think it's more just that after decades, who still is interested in this story, you know? Yeah, yeah, but it's up to interpretation. I think he's making it his own. His voice isn't that bad. Hold on.

Are you my brother? Yes. Do you my brother? Yes. Do you remember when you gave me a hard time for a week? Mm-hmm. Because I was a little pitchy when I sang Happy Birthday to our mom? You were a terrible singer. I was being nice, like I'm being nice right now.

Who slaps the shit out of you. Just on the chest, like, rude. I'm just enjoying the show. Legitimately enjoying the show. Yeah, he's doing that awful thing where he plays a little bit on the piano and then crosses over and tells a story as Scanlan, but about him.

Ha ha! It's not great. Still happening. You watch. You'd be very Scanlan. Yeah. But I'm picturing an Elaine Stritch outfit, like a leotard, very leggy, with a fucking blimpy blazer on it, just like.

Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you a story about show business. Yeah, you light a cigarette and he begins his telling the story. My fourth husband. Yeah. 100%.

But you are able to spot, as a Tharla Stark. When I come out of the room, and shut the green dress room. It's open. Oh, it's an open green dress room. Yeah, that's how you were able to peek in there before. Fuck me. Okay. Are you going to drop it?

Immediately? So they can see me. What are you doing? I don't know, I'm just staring at you. Oh, I'm just staring at you. It's fine, it's fine. It's not helpful. You just have to decide now in this moment, do you exit as Tharla, or do you exit as?

I will draw so much attention. Oh, I can use, hold on. Make your choice. Oh no, crazy eyes. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm going to have her walk behind me so her big bunny ears are blocking what I look like, maybe, so that you're blocking me.

You're not answering my question. Then I'm going to drop it as I come into the audience so that you are blocking me and I'm hiding in front of her. Okay. So you see Fy'ra and Mor exit the green dress room. And I tell her, cover me as much as you can right now

until we get out of here. Okay. Only I say it with this exit. Cover me as much as you can. I'm sorry, it's so many different, but I don't know how actors do it. It's very confusing. Okay.

Mordi, do you have something you wanted to add? It is moot at this point. Oh no. It's fine. No, no, we didn't need it. It's fine. Okay. No, no, no, you're fine. So we're busting a move to get out of the theater. Yeah. Take it off? I don't know if this is perceivable

from our vantage point. I mean, you do see your two friends hauling ass out of the theater. Cool. Cool, let's go, let's go, let's go. Well, now I'm into it. I know, I'm sorry. We can come back.

He performs a lot. I'm back tomorrow. Got to see the ending. The matinee. Yeah, yeah. We'll do that thing where we shimmy through a too small thing where, yeah, yeah. But I'm going to do butts and Cyrus is going to do crotch. Yeah, Cyrus goes front-sears. Oh, yeah.

It feels worse to throw my donk out there. I'm going to look around for Dariax. Can I see him anywhere? Is he seated? Can we see them anywhere? No, you can't because, yeah. Oh, you're there, too? Dariax and Opal are both up at the penthouse. You don't see either of us.

But you are behind me, right? Stop! Where the fuck is everybody? They're at the penthouse. I have just busted a move with Bonnie. I'm so sorry, with Mor out the back. She's here. I'm here. But you're still at the penthouse door? And they're up at the penthouse door.

They've been waiting at the door. They've been waiting at the penthouse door. I don't know shit. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because they were waiting there for a signal of something. And this looks tense. They're waiting at the door. They're waiting at the penthouse door. I don't know, shit. Okay. Yeah, yeah, they, yeah. Because they were waiting there for a signal of something. And this looks tense. They're waiting. We're waiting 15 minutes. Yes. Their escape looks tense.

I'll try to... It's dark in the theater. We got to get to the penthouse. Yeah, I'm good. Still, we got to get to the penthouse. I'm sorry, I'm having trouble clocking the space. Where are they? Where am I seeing them leave?

Like, if the stage is up front, where are the audience? Yes, then you're seeing them move along the left wall back out through the door. Out the back. Mm-hmm. Okay, easy, we'll break out that way. Perfect, yeah. And I'll start following them out the back of the theater.

Okay. Yeah. You guys fall into step and do you head straight to the penthouse? Yes. To meet up? As we leave the theater, I would like to look like a random patron that I have seen somewhere. Like, just look like someone completely different so that I just blend in. Not a problem.

So they won't see Tharla and they won't see Fy'ra. They will just see me and more, but me being someone that they don't recognize. Being pursued by two giant blue men. Got it. Being pursued by two giant blue men. Got it. Cutting upstairs. You know, it's just, over time, I realized she was just controlling, and I had to reach a moment where I was like,

you know, there wasn't really a way to break it away cleanly. I figured, you know, if I just wasn't there anymore, she'd understand in time. Oh no, you just ghosted? Yeah. That's unlike you, Dariax. I know, but if you met her, you know what I mean. She's an intense person.

Not a bad person, just an intense person. And I needed to get away, far away from her. So you left her with a bunch of people after her? No, after us, but then I was gone, so yeah. Yeah, that sucks. Excuse me. Excuse me. Huh?

You hear it in your head. Yeah, it's a little tattoo. I don't see any blueprints. There's three guys in here. They're just sitting and talking. But there's people in here, and they're big, and they have weapons. But I don't see bl have weapons. Weapons.

But I don't see blueprints. Please advise. Okay, can I look? Do you want me to do a kill? I can do a kill. Not yet. Not yet. Like I murdered you.

She's like, can I see through Ted 2's eyes? Yeah, you can absolutely look through Ted's eyes. You can warg into your spider. Okay, great. I want to do that. And is there a way to, because maybe a spider doesn't know

what blueprints look like. In fact, hold on. Uh, yeah. So for what it's worth, you are blinded and deafened the moment you do this. Okay. So you're just going to zonk out a little bit. Okay. But I'm just going to show you what you see as Ted, too, by bringing out my map.

Oh! Hey! Okay. We're in a new place. I'm going to use this moment to go pee! You're going to make a pee-pee? Go do it, go do it! Go make a pee-pee! Make it quick! Make it quick! Oh my goodness!

Pay your debts! I need to lift a weight, because this is so heavy on my wrist. Yeah, I got it. I was just holding it at the worst angle. Oh no. That's gorgeous. Oh, cool.

Wow, that's gorgeous. Sweet. Here's the little door you guys are waiting outside of. That's cool. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And here's, you've got two little guards. They're just sitting on the staircase up to the sex pest's very-

Sex pedestal? Yeah, sex pedestal. We know what you meant. It's a sex pest, sex pedestal. It's both things. I said what I meant. There's a third guard over here just vibing next to the fireplace. Gotcha, gotcha.

This table will stand up. So I believe. Oh! You know what? You stay down, Matt. Matt, help. Thank you, buddy. Aw, inspiration. Yay! Yay!

Okay, so I'm looking through Ted Two's eyes, and is there anything that I can discern through my own understanding of what a blueprint or a map might look like, just in case a spider doesn't know what that means? Yeah. Okay. I mean, she did her best, and I'm proud of her. I'm proud of her, we love her.

Go ahead and give me an investigation check. Okay. Here we go, here we go. That's so cool. You're not going against girls with no weakness? Men! That's an 11. I's so cool. You're not going against grossness by weakness? Men! That's an 11. I just love that. Okay, with an 11,

you're slowly moving through the space and trying not to pull the focus of these big, burly guards. Yep. You see that there's a bunch of papers on a desk over here. Yep. But there's no clear, obvious sign of blueprints. All right. It would require more fiddly, focused unrolling, which tiny little spider arms can't do.

Great. Okay. You hear footsteps. Okay, I'm going to zoom out of her. And where are the footsteps? Coming up behind you up the staircase. Okay. And they sound frantic. Okay, I'm going to use Disguise Self to look like one of the guards, one of his guards.

Okay. I'm going to do the exact same thing, but I don't have my cloak, so nothing happens. Right. So. Perfect boy. Oh, oh, oh, I know! I know! I pull out my Ring of Invisibility and I give it to Dariax. Oh shit! Do that.

This is very forward. Does it require attunement? I don't know! I like that you pantomimed taking it back. Wait, where would that be? What would that be under? The shortest proposal. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, while we're in this room, you can turn.

Fair enough, I mean. A toon? Unequip a toon? What? So, yeah. Requires attunement. Requires attunement! You can't have it! I can do it, I can do it, okay, here. No! Nothing?

No! Goddamn it. Shit. Okay. All right. You, stop right there! Shh! You yell outside the door. Oh no! Fuck me, man.

As the rest of your party comes and joins you. Oh no! It's like a staircase. Clutch sneak attack. The rest of your party comes and joins you. Oh no! That's funny. Staircase. Clutch sneak attack. Strong tattoo. Strong. It's okay. Over, folks. Maybe nobody heard us through the door.

And with perfect comedic timing, you just hear a tattoo in your ear go, Oop! Fuck. All right, well, I guess, because I can do it at will, I'm going to disguise myself again as our actor. Oh. What's his name? in the front, I don't have to move them, move out and open the door, and they see Fae Drow, a dwarf they don't know.

But when she- A generic woman. Oh, okay, I was going to say, when she does that, I immediately transform myself into Tharla as well. That's good, that's good, that's good, that's good! Tharla Starr. This is a mess. Two blue men. And a bartender. Yeah, blue man group, if you think about it.

Yeah, really. Clover in theme. Anything else you want to do in advance of this? Quick Q, for Disguise Self, can you change it throughout, or no? No, she has the ability to do it at will and recast it over and over. So I just put the feathers on.

I maybe should have thought of that before I just put on feathers. I could have changed my face. You're good. You look like you work here, which you do. That's true, that's true. The doors open and you see these two towering, almost monstrous-looking, they are something between dragonborn and lizardfolk,

and just a little more feral than you've seen some of these bigger races to be. And they look out at you. I think, because she can't help herself. She goes, Oh, hey, hey, what's up? We know each other. These are my friends.

Get out of the way. Move, move, move. I'm trying to get to my sex den. We're having a little party here. An important question. Have you ever heard Fade Ralph talk? You know, that's a good question. We were at the bar. We were at the bar.

And you know, I'm a little hoarse tonight. I just did my show. You finished early. There was no one there. So I have heard Fae drop. Does she sound anything like him? Nope! Oh, shit! Oh, darling, I love it when you do these voices.

You just can't come out of character, can you? No, I can't. This is my girlfriend, Tharla. Oh, shh, the secret. Have you ever heard Tharla talk to her? Yes, because I watch, remember I spied on the meta. No, I spied on them when they were getting in trouble with Voska. That wasn't as early, was it?

He wasn't Thurla then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a circle of bad impressions. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I just love, wait, what if we do another one? Let's do another one. Let's do another one. Okay, what about the House of Oatly accents? That's a beautiful one!

What if I talk like this? Oh, I love it when you talk like that. Ma'am. Others, why don't you come on inside? Yeah, yeah, we're going to go in, you're going to get out. Go get us a drink. I actually didn't think it was that okay.

And they stand by the door to let you in. Okay. Oh god, this is going so bad. This is going so bad. You guys go inside. I'm sure there's a bar in there, right? There is a little bar. I will start making drinks. Wow, you guys are so big. You're the biggest men I've ever seen.

I should make some drinks. I run over. So much. Everyone's so big. I should make some drinks. And I run over. So much. Everyone's so big. She's about to cry. She runs over. Hey, make me a mountaintop. A cloud top.

A cloud top. Oh, you're so funny, Sae-Drop. Everyone knows your favorite drink is a cloud top. Cloud top, yeah! I'll make one of those. And the two guards close the door behind them and walk the three of you in. You see one is with a giant hammer

standing right behind you, Daria. The other one very calmly begins to walk over to this dresser. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So, you know what? Let's get a group insight check to see how this dresser. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So, you know what? Let's get a group insight check to see how this is going. Cool. Poorly.

It's going so well. I don't understand why you have to roll for it. Hell yeah. Oh shit. 15. Insight, you said? Yeah. 17. Two. Oh, Jesus. 11.

Wow. You two think this is going fine. You're so convinced that you're like, if I make a good enough drink, I can pull out of this nosedive. You three know that this has gone the worst it can go. So they haven't made a violent move yet,

but they are beginning to surround you. The one that was over by the fireplace stands up and squares off. And all three of them are the mix of dragon and? It's like dragon and lizard folk, and seems a little orcish, too. I don't know if you've seen, necessarily, this kind of humanoid.

One's by the chest. Yeah, he's walking over towards the chest. There's one by the, where's the fireplace? Sorry. Fireplace is over here. Then the other one is right behind Dariax. Yes. Okay. Which one looks the biggest? They're all very big.

Is there a boss? To scale, the one with the giant hammer behind you is very big. Okay, okay. Especially if you're using me for scale. Yeah. He looks extra big. Yeah. All right. Hi. Is my bro, oh.

No, that's it, I just say hi. Is my bro-heme in the mix anywhere? Oh yeah. Would you, so knowing what you were probably running up to, would you have Cyrus be here? I don't have a little mini for him, but he can be here. Yeah, I would never have us in the same space of danger if ever possible.

So I think if we go back, if possible. Yeah, we can walk back. If we walk it back, I'm just going to keep him by the door and just say, just for a moment, just anticipating the worst, because what else could we expect? Yeah, I think you got up to the top of the stairs, saw the immediate transformations,

saw that as maybe a bad sign, and he's like, I'm going to wait to the top of the stairs, saw the immediate transformations, saw that as maybe a bad sign, and he's like, I'm going to wait at the bottom of the staircase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's learning. Good job, Cyrus. Learning. To listen. He's learning. He puts his hands on both of your shoulders and says,

Words of affirmation. I believe in you and I think that you're great. Pat, pat. Are you giving me some sort of inspiration? Do you feel inspired? No. Did my best. He just slaps you and heads down the stairs.

So now that we're here without him, Dariax just turned to the big guy and said, Hi. I know what's coming. I am going to turn toward Dariax, and as my back is toward all the enemies, I am going to, like the sign of the cross, but not quite, I'm going to trace a sigil in the air

as I turn and cast Blade Ward on myself and turn to face Dariax. Hi. I think it's going good. The moment you cast a spell. Ah! Because it has a verbal component, does it not? It does, yeah. Yeah.

They go, wait, oh. Yes, it does, yeah. So we're doing this, and they all begin to unsheathe these massive, heavy weapons. They look almost excited that they haven't been able to use them in quite a while. I need all of you to roll initiative. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hooray! Sorry, guys, it was happening one way or the other. Oh, it was happening. It was just who was going to make the final move. Yeah. It is incredible. Weird wins. Oh my god, yeah!

What'd you get? Oh no. Oh no! God damn it. Stop, what? Two 17s and a run? Oh man, you're going way ahead of me. Incredible.

Okay. Play Reactionary. 25 to 20. 19's fine. Okay. Play reactionary. 25 to 20. 19 plus four, 23. Shut the fuck up. Yep. Okay. 19 to 15. I just baby barfed a little bit,

then no one raised their hand. Okay, 14 to 10. Eh, more. Oh, thank god. It's a 10. Oh no! That's not good. Okay. Nine to five? Six. Six.

Whoa! Who's got the higher ten? Yeah, I don't know. I don't have that math question. She does, for sure. Yeah, what's your total, Dariax? Three. Oh yeah. Yeah, what's your total? What's your total, Dariax? Three. Oh boy. Big old three.

Okay. All right, you have some new things that come into effect. You need to roll initiative for your familiar. Ah. Oh, same shit. Using my initiative? You should have a stat block for your familiar. Pull up a little spider.

You're going to pull up a little spider. Oh, here. Wait, here it is. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Dex buttons there. Add that? Yeah. Okay, five. Perfect.

Your spider is faster than me, hell yeah. Oh no! That checks out. Yeah, yeah, only moves a millimeter at a time. I'll do it. I'm Cyrus. Oh, he also rolled a five. Incredible.

Oh, I didn't think they could attack. How big is he? Mm-hmm. A bod, five feet. He's down in the hallway? Just in case. Oh, okay. I just want him in the order. Yeah. Okay, first up, Dorian.

Doesn't even fucking go through the shoes. All right. So you've got a bad boy here and here and here. Yeah, first instinct is to protect Dariax. So I'm going to cut around and just beeline for our lizard hammer friend. Okay. And as I'm running, I'll unsheathe my scimitar

and I'm just going to, no words. I'm just going to fuck this guy up. No words! Ew! I love it! No, no, no, there's a time to perform and a time to perform. They should have sent the poet. They should have sent them.

How'd you do? That's a one. One! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I am going to take the biggest, bravest, arcane swing with my scimitar and? I duck because it comes from my head. Shit!

Whose side are you on? Oh no. That's your, you have multiple attacks. Yeah, so I'm going to guess my big whiff on that one. And as he, does it ding off of him or do I? No, just a full haymaker. He just leans back. He just leans back.

I go, uh-oh, little rusty. And as I come back off my other hand, I'm going to pull out, you know what? I do have a second attack. So I'll stick with this and I'll slash back the other way. Perfect. Try to catch him with the backhand, baby. Okay, got that one, hopefully.

That is a dirty 20. A dirty 20 just hits. You're level six now and I don't have to keep you alive. Just hits? Just hits? Ooh, mama mia. The fuck is this? That's no good. Heavy big boys, bring your best. I don't have the best. Okay.

As good as it gets, Six plus four, 10. Okay. 10 points of slashing damage. That's correct. Then I am going to use my bonus action, two-handed fighting, and I'm going to catch him with that big slash, and I'm going to unclip my flute

and try to uppercut him with my handaxe. Amazing. Give him the flute. I know, let's hope. Give him the flute! Oh, it's turned over! That's a 12. Yeah. You catch him with the slash, and he looks down, he just takes it

as it cuts through just a little bit of leather in between the pieces of his massive plate mail armor, and he sees a little trickle of blood and smiles, and then sees you come around with your off hand for another attack, and he catches it and pushes your hand away. Keep trying. Are you going to kill us? She's going to kill us! I'm sorry.

Maybe I will. Maybe I want to go home early tonight. TP! Respect. Yeah! All right Maybe I want to go home early tonight. TP! Respect. Yeah. All right, it's my bad boy's turn, because again, you all rolled very, very badly. All right, so we're going to start with my hammer boy, who's going to look at you and go,

Of course. My turn. Oh no. He takes his massive two-handed hammer and is going to swing for you. He misses with the first attack with a natural three. Bimbley, bimbley, baby! Yeah.

As you have so much time, as he builds up all of this momentum, you're able to easily, gracefully, swirl away from his attack. But on the second attack, does a 16 hit you? Yes, it does. Just. So he slams down with the hammer and then as he brings it back,

he catches you with the off side of the hammer in the direction that you flowed to and it catches you right across the shoulder. It's going to do five points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. Okay. That's him. My other guy is going to cross the room. You see him open this massive cabinet.

Mor's got the best angle on this. When he opens it up, it is just a black void. Oh no! For fuck's sake! No, no, no! He leans his head in, When he opens it up, it is just a black void. Oh! Oh! For fuck's sake! Oh, no, no, no! He leans his head in and you hear him make this guttural, snapping, call, bark, howl into it, and he backs away. He's clearly waiting for something to happen.

What the fuck? All right, guys, don't worry about it. We got this. Sweet. That's his turn. We, guys, don't worry about it. We got this. Sweet. That's his turn. I don't have enough spell slots for this. You never did, Warlock, you never did. And my big guy's going to come over and he's going to swing for you more.

Great. Different dice, that will be bad. Natural one is not going to do it. I'm going to put you in the corner on timeout. No, I'm not going to get in the corner. Okay, so the first swing with his massive sword, you're able to duck out of the way, but he comes across with his elbow

and just catches you in the elbow across the face and sends you scattering back. Actually, can I get a strength saving throw to see if you get knocked back from this? Oh, actually, it's an 18. Oh, okay. Yeah. You take seven points of bludgeoning damage as he comes across your face,

but it doesn't knock you back into the wall like he had hoped. He goes, Sturdy. I like that. I say, that's a big sword you have. Shame you're not any good with it.

Hey! Fuck you. I don't know why you're out here hurting feelings. That's rude. Wait, sorry, did you say seven? Yeah. Seven, okay, cool. Okay, that's their turn, and next up is more. Oh no, oh no. I've never used this interface.

Hold on. Oh no. It's okay, it's okay. I'm trying to take it to seven. Okay, oh no. I've never used this interface. Hold on. Oh no. It's okay, it's okay. I'm trying to type in a seven. Okay, oh god. Seven, apply changes. Ha ha ha ha. You did it, congratulations. You did it, as a friend of you. Yes, okay.

So he's right next to me, right? Yes. Okay, so I'm going to swing to hit him with my rapier. Okay. Oh. Oh, this is interesting. Okay, I'm actually going to swing to hit him with my rapier. Okay. Oh. Oh, this is interesting. Okay, I'm actually going to use my, I'm going to use my bonus action

to give myself Steady Aim. Okay. Which gives me advantage. Yeah. On my roll, okay. So. Oh god, oh. Oh, oh! All right, that was a two. Yeah, good thing. I don't think

that's going to make it. Yeah, so. And that's a five. That's a 12 to hit with a fire break. It does not hit. Good. I guess I'll try again, right? Oh wait, I just did 12.

No, no, that was just advantage on the first one, right? Two up in fighting? So two up in fighting, you can technically attack with your off hand. Oh no, you used your bonus action for steady aim. I did, oh yeah, so no. So that's your action and your bonus action. And you're now stuck here because you burned your movement.

What a guess. Oh no. Going to kill a guest on the first encounter. Let's go. I'm going to guess you're a part of this. No, don't feel that. I'm going to kill a full on the first encounter. Let's go. You're a guest, you're a part of this. I'm going to kill a full table member in the first encounter. I love that. I'm going.

Okay, next up is, you know, Sharyn. The secondary character, Sharyn. Yeah, Sharyn with three hit points! I don't have to, look, where I am, I don't have to worry about disengaging, right? That guy's far, I'm a step away from that guy, right? Oh yeah, he's nowhere near you. And the cupboard is open?

Cupboard's open. And he's waiting beside it. Okay, I am going to bust a move to that guy. You can make it, no problem. You have 400,000 feet of movement. Can I shut the door as I'm coming to him? Not really. You can do it, but it would be an action.

It would be an action. And he already barked in there. Yeah. Woof! It's a poodle! It's a poodle! We did say we were going to do a poodle! Now we're doing it. That's true.

There might be more than one poodle. I have a bad feeling about what's coming over there. But yeah, walk me over there, and I'm just going to go at him with all my attacks. Let's go. So let's go. All right. We have number one. He's abused, you guys all know. The AC is 20.

Okay, that's a miss. It's an 18. Number two, fuck, is a 15. Then my two unarmed strikes. Oh my god. Fuck me. Ah! That's a 26. Absolutely hits. Okay, cool. I knew you could do it.

I was worried. And I believe that these count as Magical Attacks now. They do! One, two, six, plus... Yes. One do! 1d6 plus... Yes. 1d6 plus five. It's seven points of damage. That's great. It's not great. Let me just, I'm not happy.

Are you calling me a liar? No, I'm calling myself an overachiever. But she's so worried about what's about to come through that thing that she flails until she finally, with her heal, connects, because she's so worried about what's about to come through that thing that she flails until she finally, with her heel, connects because she's like, boom, boom, and then she connects with her heel at the side of his knee. Oh, I love that. Give me an athletics check.

Oh, yeah. You wearing your item? I am wearing my item. Okay. I'm wearing all my items. Oh wait! Which? Your belt? Oh yeah! Okay, cool.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yes! That could be a 12. That's an 11. Mm. Is that an athletics check? Yes. Fuck has to be to 12. That's an 11. Mm. Is that Athletics check? Yes. Fuck, it's a 12. You see his knee wobble, but he doesn't quite drop.

Okay. He goes, okay, okay. You know there's more coming, right? Ugh! Yeah. Do I have anything else? Anything else? Action, movement, do I have more? Oh, I can't move. Did you use your bonus action?

And you still have more movement. You used your action. Yeah, but if I move right now, then I disengage, so fuck that. And then I can. You could do it. It would be funny. I, is there anything I can do to dodge? Yes, I'm going to spend one. Oh no, that's a bonus action.

Fuck me! Action economy is fun. Six! All right, I'm just going to stand at the ready. Perfect. Opal, you're up. I'm up!

Hey! Okay, so. Let's see. Well, the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to cast Hexblade's Curse as a bonus action to the big guy with the hammer. Love that for you. Then is there one of the dudes by himself? They're just- Like away from people?

No. No, they're all tied up. Everyone's engaged with someone. Well, that's no good. You hate to see it. Can I tell someone to duck? You certainly can, but if they've, they're going to do whatever they're going to do, so why don't you do whatever you're going to do?

Okay, well, all right. Well, I'm trying to make a calculus here, because I would like to use my very cool new Elch Blast, because they get two. Yes. But I just don't want to hurt anybody, so is that possible? Oh, you can try to shoot through your friends, that's fine.

I'm not going to shoot through my friends. No, it's like a ramp. A ramp. A ramp. What do I look like? It's watching you. Shoot the hostage! Bend the bullet. Okay, fine. Bend the bullet. Bend the bullet. You're leading it to a lead.

Okay, that's great. Great, great, great. Okay, so then how close am I to the guy with the hammer? Your Eldritch Blast is 120 feet. You can hit anything in the casino. But when does it become where it doesn't help me because it's too close? Anytime they're in melee.

And I'm not? No, you're great. So I would like to. Pick your two targets for me. Or unless you're going to aim both of them at one person. Which you could do. I'm going to aim both of them at the guy with the hammer. Good call.

So, um. You need two attack rolls, baby! Yee! You know what you need to hit? Yeah, you said 20? Mm-hmm. Okay, do I have to add anything? Yep. And your spell attack. It's on your thing! Oh, here it is!

Okay, so, um, wait, okay, we got this. Amy, this is not hard. Math on the floor. Oh fuck, I'm a 19. Hold for it. First bolt misses as you're working. Do you want to get a special thing? No, every time I hit them, okay.

Yeah, you're working so hard to make sure you don't hit Dariax in this moment that you're just not as precise. Second bolt. Okay. Don't fucking fail me now, Opal Dice. Oh my god. That does not hit, because that's a 14! Don't worry about me!

I'm the worthy sacrifice, just take him out! I'm very sorry. It's all good. You send both of your blasts out and they shatter against the wall behind our big hammer boy. Right over the ground. Do you want to do anything with your movement?

This is incredible. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. Not for me, I'm excited. I do. I want to get to the middle of the room on top of the bed with my movement. Yeah, of course. So yeah, you're able to run straight up, hop on the of the bed with my move. Yeah, of course. So yeah, you're able to run straight up, hop on the bed. It's incredibly plush.

Oh, wow. It's a really nice bed. That is seriously. Is this a waterbed? That's an excellent bed. As you walk in, you actually see. That's just your nymphal terrain. Yeah. You actually see that the, what you thought was a tiger skin rug

under is actually a Rakshasa skin, which is like a demon. Oh shit. Oh, for fuck's sake. So this is a, now that you're up here and getting a 360 view of everything, this room is sort of, it's almost museum-like in its collection of high value, high stakes curios. You see bits of wall and molding that clearly don't match.

They were taken from somewhere else and installed here. There's pieces of the floor that are incredibly inlaid. Everything feels transported and curated for this very nice penthouse. Cool. Okay. Cool. All right. Next up is your familiar. Perfect.

Where's my little Ted? Where's your little Ted? My little honey. Where's my little honey? Little baby. Okay, so I can go 20 feet? Yeah. And do we know where she is? I would say, let's get a little something

out on the field for, okay. For right now, we're going to go old school and just put a little die out there. There you go. There you go. Okay. I was looking through and trying to find blueprints. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I got two options here.

I either, what I want to do is I'd like to go into that bookshelf or whatever he barked in and kind of peer inside. You're not going to be able to make it that far if it's only 20 feet of movement. Great. So then what I'd like to do is maybe travel up the pant leg of the guy with the hammer. You can.

Yes. To what effect? I'd like to bite him. So remember, your familiar can't attack. Well, it says I can bite, no? Right, but the Find Familiar spell says very specifically your familiar can't attack, but can take other actions. So the strongest thing your familiar can do right now

is give the help action to someone else so they roll their attacks with advantage. Oh, okay, so who's next? Dariax? Yep. I'm going to give him the help. Cool. So we can say that Ted, too, is out there trying to do little chomps. It doesn't do damage. No, it doesn't.

But it's distracting. Distracting. So Dariax can get some good hits. I'm going to help Dariax then. I love trying to do a murder, trying to do little chomps, it doesn't do damage. No, it doesn't. But it's distracting. Distracting. So Dariax can get some good hits. I'm going to help Dariax then. I love trying to do a murder, trying to do little chomps. With a little fucking fire. He can attack, but he can caress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Tattooing the star of this entire job. 100%. Okay, so Dariax, you're up, and if you attack our hammer boy, you can do so with advantage. All right, all right. Then seeing all this go south very quickly,

I'm like, man, I got to do everything. Turn the spear around and turn around to the buddy, see the spider claw up the leg and be like, let's see you got someone going for your tank there, buddy. What? As soon as he looks down and hit the spear and with the blunt end of it, try and crack him in the face.

Yeah! Stop! Finally! You got it, you got it, you got it. Let's go! That is, all right. It's a 13. Come on. Other roll? Come on, come on.

Yeah, that's 10. Both miss. I go, all right, let's turn this around a little bit. I'm going to go ahead and back away, which I assume might give him an opportunity attack. It is going to incur an opportunity attack. That's fine. How far back do you want to go?

I'm going to back up an additional 10 feet to be next to the bed there. Yeah, okay. Let me get a little swingy ding on you. Does a nine hit? Nine does not hit. Okay. That's what I thought.

Yeah. All right. I'm going to spend a sorcery point to go ahead and do Quicken Spell, Metamagic. Ooh, yes! On my Bless at second level. Bless. Which is going to go ahead and like. I hate this spell so much.

I love it. Cool, cool, cool, cool. I'll be like, all right, friends! Take within you the guidance and glory of big cat statues. I'm going to throw my hands out in a big circle arc around me, almost like in a sparkle spin. Oh, amazing. I'm going to bless the four of you around me.

Aw! Thank you. That's a blessing. So any attacks or saving throws you make, you get to add a d4 to it. Oh, nice. That's amazing. Incredible. A problem for the rest of my4. Oh, nice. That's amazing. Incredible. A problem for the rest of my life. Cat statue, bless me.

I think we just live here now. I think this is our apartment. This is just our life. It's like Poska's penthouse we took over. Well, it wasn't hers, but now it is. You're up. All right. I'm feeling invigorated by Dariax's speech

and his little magic flare. I look up at the lizard man who's just, I know he's tough as shit, and I was like, I've got a question for you. We're in a theater. Do you like to dance? We're not in a theater. We're in a room.

You know what I mean. I mean, yes? Then watch this. This feels like such a long interaction. It's long, yeah. I'm trying to make it as weird for you as possible. It works. He's like... You said pulpy in the breakdown.

There's this... There's a spider coming for my taint and you're asking me to dance. This is not great. I like that he internalized that. Yeah. Coming for his taint. Yeah, he's worried. Yeah, exactly. That's what I do. He was looking for his taint. Yeah, he was worried! Yeah, exactly. So from behind my little winged pauldron,

as I keep a lot of things there, I'm going to pop out this little vial full of a phosphorescent crystal that's got a piece of filigree chain attached to it, and I'm going to start swinging it around and doing a little dance, but almost like poi at a festival, you know? And it's going to suddenly start creating

this psychedelic light and I'm going to cast Hypnotic Pattern. Oh yeah. Incredible! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so Coachella. It's a 14 wisdom save. Surprising literally no one, the brain stats are not good for these boys.

A 12 fails. Let's go. So that means you are incapacitated and have a speed of zero. That only ends if you take damage or someone else, one of your homies takes a chance to shake you out of it. Take a chance. He's out here, he puts his hammer down and leans on

and he goes, my claws can touch everything. While he's into it, I'm going to take my hand and wiggle it at him and I'm going to back away up onto the sex pedestal with everybody. Sex pedestal! I just hear somebody in here. Literally, I feel like everyone in the room is doing a double take.

Seeing Dorian become a Chippendale all of a sudden, like, what is a Chippendale? Psychedelic Chippendale. Somewhere, Cyrus is like, Oh, who are those people? That led my turn. All right, no bonus action? I mean, I keep that.

Sir, if you do not use your action economy, I will bury you. Please, please. Please, please. Don't say it. Don't say it. I did my moment. Punished. Punished. For our words? Sounds like I don't want to use. For our action economy?

I don't want to use my flourishes. If you don't, you die. Please use something fancy. But I did an attack, so I can't. I'm just saying. I'm so limited in what I can do. Better smoke, more to die for. No, I want to save it for Flourish's later, hopefully,

because he's mean and tough. Yeah, later. I'm done. I'm going to call it. I'm going to call it. That is incredible. I'm going to call it. All right, next up are my boys. This little guy. What's the meanest?

Oh, he's incapacitated. He's incapacitated. His meanest speed is zero. He's in traffic. Does he have a chance to? He's in traffic. Does he have a chance to break out of it on his turn or no? Okay, each creature.

Let me see. No. The spell ends for the affected creature if it takes damage or if someone else uses an action to shake the creature out of its tube. Incredible. That's amazing. I don't see it on his turn. Don't attack him. Yeah, I don't think so.

Don't attack him. Don't attack him. Don't attack him. He remains vibing, and my big boy here is going to go after more again. Two swings. The first one's a 12. That's a no. Yes.

That's a no. The next one is an 18. That does hit, but I'm going to use Silvery Barbs. Ooh. Which means that you have to'm going to use Silvery Barbs. Ooh. Which means that you have to reroll and use the lower roll. Amazing. Ew. With a natural three, he misses twice.

And I get to choose someone to give advantage on their next attack roll or save. So what does that look like as you interrupt his heavy sword swings? Wait, I don't know how this, I mean, what do you, does it? You can just decide. Okay. So the intention of the spell is

something you do interrupts his action. Oh, I go, You're so big! I go, Oh wow, you're so big. I look over at Opal and I go, Opal, you're so big. I look over at Opal and I go, and Opal, you're amazing! Thanks, oh my god! She's like, tears, and she's like,

Get up, sit on this bed with us! Oh my god, yeah. We can have a sex bed! You have advantage on your next attack roll. Thank you. Ability check or saving throw within a minute, so I win round, yeah. Brilliant. That's his turn.

And next up is my big guy here, who's going to attempt to do a hurt to the monk. 16 to hit? Yep. And then second swing. Not happy. It's higher than that. As he comes through, and he's actually going to bash you with his shield first, just to knock you back.

Give me a strength saving throw. 15. You get knocked back and stagger, and then he follows through with the scimitar in his other hand. You're going to take a total of 14 points of damage. It's a mixture of bludgeoning and piercing damage. As you stagger back this way,

leaving just enough room. Damn it. For the new combatants to enter the field. Plural? Yeah, you need a day workout. As reinforcements, four out. Four? No, four out.

It's just two. Four? It's just two. Just two. It's just two more guys. They look a little shorter. They look a little shorter. They're a little shorter. They were able to fit through a cabinet.

Yeah, yeah, fair enough. They're little guys. They're cabinet boys. I'm going to send Ted two after those fuckers. Yeah, you'll get them. They come through and that's the entirety of their action. They will act at the top of the next, or on the next round. So next up is Mor.

Is it actually all stone? Where? Just the whole room? Is the room stone? It's not wood? It appears to be stone. Oh my god. Make a investigation check for me. Investigate, investigate.

Oh, okay. That's a three. A four. But you do have advantage. Oh, a four? But I do have advantage, so I'm just going to use that. Please do. 20, natty twin. There we go. Oh my god.

Yeah! I can see, clearly now, everyone's thoughts. I can see them. You look around this room and it certainly does look like stone. Then you realize it looks like stone. There's one area in particular with a natural 20 right next to you.

This inlaid bit of stone covered in a beautiful serpentine Gordian knot that only looks like stone. You don't know what it is, but that sure as shit ain't rock. Okay. Great, I note that. I mean, it's also interesting to note

that he has very specifically interposed himself between you and it. Okay. He kept trying to knock you back and away from this corner of the room. I want to use, everything just went out of my brain. I want to use Burning Hands. Okay.

But it also ignites things. So if it's stone, but if it looks like stone, I mean, everything's stone, except that one thing. You know what? I'm just going to use Burning Hands. It's fine. Okay. So, okay. So it is a dex, it's a dex save? Okay. Dex 12.

Dex 12. It's got 13 on the dice, so he's going to make it, but he still takes half damage. Half damage, yeah. So 3d6. It's a six. Okay. And a one. And a five. Actually, you know what?

Here's what I'm going to say. He'll take the full damage because he doesn't move out of the way. Oh. You're able to catch the edge of this very clearly wooden sofa bench and the area and the rug, but you see your fire hits that stone tile.

Doesn't necessarily catch. Okay, cool. So he takes six, 12? 12 fire damage? He absolutely wears it. Yeah. Cool. And then I'm actually going to take my bonus action and use my cunning action to disengage. Cool. Which direction do you want to move in?

Back. What does that mean? Back. Just away. Eh? Eh? Yeah, that. Eh? Sex pedestal? Where do you want to go? Yeah, yeah. Get us all on the sex pedestal.

Sex pedestal. Sex ped. And we got some one big target. One big one. Yeah, yeah. That's a good strategy. Beautiful target. Get us on the sex pedestal. And we got one big target, one big one. Yeah, yeah. That's a good trend, baby! Beautiful target. The Crown Keepers. Sweet.

Okay, is that it? Smart and me. Is that it for your turn? Yeah, I think that's all I can do. You hear, I'm going to offer it to you for free, Dorian, just very faintly. Oh no, no, no! From your brother at the bottom of the stairs.

Oh no, oh no. Yeah. Then crashing through the door. What? I got to move this little guy out the way. Little Spidey? Little Spidey, he's great. We know what out the way. Little Spidey. Little Spidey, he's great. We know what he's doing.

He's hanging out. Just in the junk. As three people, just normal-looking people, bum rush into the room. Oh. Who are the people? They immediately start attacking the man with the hammer.

Hits. Hits. Hits. Miss. Who are they? Yeah, tell us. Who are they? Tell us, tell us. Who are they?

Can they come to help us? They all swarm this massive man with his hammer and take him down and slit his throat and stand up. And they point their blades out at all of you. Huh? You're going to lose your names or your heads tonight. As three nameless one assassins join the fight. Okay.

Goddamn it. So this guy, your Hexblade's Curse, yes, but what happens when your Hexblade enemy dies? I get 10 hit points. There you go. Yay! Love that for me. Thanks, everybody. 10 very hit points? 10?

10? No. Is it 10? Or does it just heal up? I think it just heals up. No, it just heals up. You're right. I think you just heal up 10. But can I add? No, because I'm good. I haven't lost any. If you're maxed in, it's just you. Oh. I'm maxed out.

No, 10 hit points permanently. I'm pretty sure that is. Yeah, fair. Always happens. Can I have it in my sure that is. Yeah, fair enough. Always happens. I'll give you more. That's fine, that's on me. Can I have it in my pocket? Okay, that's on me. All right, all right, all right, all right.

Okay. So you have more combatants in the fight, but they're not just fighting you. Great. Next up, Fjord and I. So I am going to, the dude farthest from me, how far is he? Uh, farthest from you? Over here?

No, no, I'm sorry, the dudes, of the three dudes that are by the cupboard. Oh, the very farthest one is 20 feet away. Okay, I want to get to a point where there is, I am the center of a 15-foot square that includes all three of them. You can get right. And perhaps the cupboard. No, no, no, within them. I understand.

I can't put you at a goofy angle because you'll fall off. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But you actually want to stay. But assume if you're here, then you can hit all of these. Right, can I also hit the cupboard? Yes, I'll give you the cupboard, too. I'm going to use three ki points. So I'm going to cast this at a higher level.

Okay. Second level. I'm going to take one fist and I'm going to pound the floor and cast Thunder Wave. Yeah! Amazing, let's go. I have to make some saves, I think. Yes, you have con saves. Constitution, one passes.

What's my DC? I have one with a natural 19 on the dice. Where do I find that? It's the same. Hmm? Spells, Thunder Wave. Con, it just says 13. 13, okay. The second one fails.

Third one makes it. They're all pretty con beefy. Okay. So just the guy in the middle fails. Okay. And a construct is a construct and will just take the full damage. Okay. So just the guy in the middle fails. Okay. And a construct is a construct and will just take the full damage. Great.

So on the failed save, they will take 3d8, and on the saved save, it will take half that. And the failed saves are pushed 10 feet away from me. Yeah. They get slammed back into the wall. Oh yeah. Oh, I thought into the thing. So.

Celebrated too soon. 3d8 damage. Okay, you have to roll that. Oh, I have to roll it myself. You don't do it. On you. That's my job. Guys, I do that.

I'll just lie and be like, it was three points. That's also a six-sided die. I played this game. Boopie. I know things. I do things. You're good. I know things. I do things. I don't know what dice are. That's five.

That's 712. Another 719 for the people who failed. And half of that for the people, so nine for the people who. Okay. I'm going to say that 19 is enough to destroy the cabinet. Excellent. And my new guy, he's hurting, but still up.

And I'm assuming the other two take half of that? Correct. And the downs, which is nine. Nine! So that is my one action. And then as a bonus action, I would like to... When I don't use melee attack as my action,

can I still use an unarmed strike as my bonus action? I don't think so. Okay. Okay. In that case, as my bonus action, I will change my voice. Perfect. As my bonus action, I will change my voice. Perfect. As my... Everyone, drift in accents with me. Ah, fuck me.

As my bonus action, I will spend one more ki point to Distu Redodge. You're not engaged with any of them. Okay, so then... Fine. You would have taken an attack on opportunity to get away, though. Hold on.

Good, a natural one. It's fine. Nobody else has to go besides these new people, right? These guys have already got, all three of those dudes have already gone? Yeah, they fully murked the Hammer Boy. I think they're doing a great job. Are they going to sections to a Hammer Boy? Granted, he was just piggy dipping over in the corner.

Learning these things is hard. I will spend one more ki point to take the dodge action since those three people, the three. Good call. Yeah. Okay, perfect. Opal, you're up. Okay, this is, again, well done.

But I'm going to turn around and face our new friends, and I'm going to cast Hunger of Hadar on their asses. And hopefully that will take care of the problem of the open door. Anybody that comes through that door will have to deal with that, yes? 100%.

Okay. That's stupid. Can you describe for me? Hey, don't look at them, look at me. I'm like, is that stupid? That's incredible, and I need you to describe what your hunger of Hadar looks like. Okay. Does it have to?

Okay, I think what I would like it to look like is I think whatever oozy, nasty, oh, also, she still looks like, what's her, what's his face, like one of the guards. Sure. Would it cost anything to change back into my scary self? For this? No, you're good. I'm going to change back into my scary self? For this? No, you're good. Okay, I'm going to change back to my scary self, hopefully scaring them

with my looks. And then I'm going to have that, whatever stained hands I have, I'll just shoot out this disgusting substance that will just make it very unpleasant and dark, right? And dark. And they're going to be trapped in whatever it

is, plus also the black ooze. Amazing. So you all watch as Opal drops her disguise and she's oozing and covered with black ichor and she sends it out. And a single droplet leaves her fingertips and splashes on the ground in front of those three assassins. And it spreads out and pools

and starts sending up sticky tendrils that look like spider webs, but wet and dark and moaning. Excuse me, moaning? Yeah. Mm. In every direction. Not delicious moaning. No. Painful moaning. Opal, I need you to make a charisma saving throw.

Difficulty of 17. I gave you advantage, remember. Oh yeah, thank you. All right, do I, oh, I'm going to need it. Do I add anything to that? Oh yeah, that. Yeah, it's your charisma save. Okay, here we go. And you get to add a d4 because of Bless.

Oh, Bless! Oh, I forgot. Okay, so that is, goddammit, same thing. Okay, so, okay. D4. I love stress math. That's how you know it's going well.

20. With a 20, you feel inside your own mind arms wrapping lovingly around you. Thanks, bitch. Very good. They're mine you. Next page. Very good. They're mine now. Take them. You hear a little laugh,

but none of you hear that. It's just inside Opal now. They are covered. They're blinded and deafened and in horrifying darkness. Also probably don't walk that way. Just a thought. Anything else with your bonus action or movement? I don't think I can do anything.

I think I'm all out of bonus actions, so I will stay put in my spot up there. Perfect. Okay. Next up is your familiar. Okay. Oh, and okay. So I'll have Ted crawl out of that man's pant leg. Oh, and okay, so I'll have Ted crawl out of that man's pant leg. Good one.

How much damage does it do? Because anything that starts... That man died where you set your Hunger of Hadar. Right. Right. So how much damage is dealt to something that starts? Oh, for fuck's sake. I'll tell you in a minute. Yeah.

Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. Any creature that starts its turn in the area takes 2d6 cold damage. My poor Ted, too. Go ahead and roll your cold damage for your own familiar. You got to roll to kill your own familiar. I'm going to make you kill your own familiar.

Please roll poorly for the first fucking time. That's a seven. How many hit points does I'll tell you. Come on. Your familiar has. Come on, bitch, don't film me now. How many what? How many hit points does your spider have?

Oh. One. Oh my god. I'm so sorry, tattoo. I love you. And he just clings to out of existence. All right. No! You tried. Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Ted, too. I love you. And he just flings out of existence. All right. No! We tried. Oh my god.

She'll come back. The Spider Queen goes, You can have it back when we're done killing. Okay, thanks. Okay. Well, that takes something off the board, which is nice for me. Dariax, you're up.

All right. One hit point. Yeah, he's just a little guy. He's a good little creeper, though. Mori, these friends of yours? Pointing at the three individuals that came in, slit a throat, and are now covered in black ichor. No? No. Okay. No.

Me? Are they friends or foe? No! All right. he goes and picks his nose and flings it and casts Fireball in the far corner. Yeah! You watch as this errant booger begins to turn brighter and brighter, glowing red. This ember arcs over into the dark corner and then I was going to hold off on that,

but I figured the Thunder Wave made enough noise that shit's going to be, if anyone can hear anything, they've heard it now, so I'm like, all right. Explodes in the far corner. Yes! Incredible. Fire booger. Okay. Fire booger. The best part is they don't get to see it coming.

Let's make our dex saves with disadvantage. This is bad already. Does a 13 make it? Nope. I'll take all of those. Do you need extra d6s, Matthew? Do you have enough? I have enough.

Okay. That is. How much damage? 35 points of damage. Oh! Bye! Bam, bam, bam! That's our little death pool! Bam, bam, bam! I know you already started,

but you fully murk the three of them in one go, so how do you want to do this? Whoa! Yay! Oh my god. As it detonates in the corner, the spattering of black and flame consuming the doorway, as it slowly subsides and their charred husks are on the ground left behind

and the door is blackened and cindering, about to fall off the hinges. Yeah. I look back over at you and be like, all right, double checking, they weren't your friends, right? No! Okay,, double checking, they weren't your friends, right? No! Okay, good. No, they weren't.

Okay, good. That guy also probably not a friend. No, none of them, none. As you point, he looks over, he's like, thanks, though? I'm confused. That's my turn. I don't know. You guys did a murder to those guys.

Wait, no, it's not my turn. Because that's my action. I'm going to spend another. Let's go! Another sorcery point. I don't know. You guys did a murder to those guys. Wait, no, it's not my turn. Because that's my action. I'm going to spend another. Let's go! Another sorcery point. Come on, baby. I'm going to Quickened. Spell once again, and I'm going to cast a Sacred Flame at the dude I was just pointing over there.

It's like, not your friend? Cool. I snap my fingers, and this blast of radiant energy just circles around him briefly. What's my save? 15 dex. Does it make it? Oh! Oh, buddy. Where was this?

11 points of radiant damage to him. Ow! Where was all this? Drunk in a game of chance, but you see when we get moving, we're not too bad, right? Yeah, absolutely. Not very quiet. No. We're definitely not very quiet.

But we get the job done. Yes, I can see that. Incredible. Okay. Are you done now? What? You asked. I did. Yeah, you know what? I'm feeling pretty confident watching him get burned a bit.

I'm going to put my spear under my arm. I had it coming. Under my arm, I don't know. While still looking at you, I'm going to rotate around and move up to get to the front of that dude. Do you want to come off the sex pedestal? Yes, I do. I'm going to step off the sex pedestal

to get right in his face. Yeah. Incredible. That's my turn. Love it. Okay, we're back up to the top. Dorian, you're up. Hi! Blown away by what I've seen.

Back to back with my friends on the sexy pedestal. I feel like the tides have shifted and at the top of my lungs, I begin to soliloquy. Yes! And I say, look at what our friend has accomplished! Together we can do anything! We are the Crown Keepers and we shall not be defeated! And this is my horrible attempt at motivational speech.

And I am doing my best to inspire. I'll choose all four of my homies. Aw! And you guys will all get five temporary hit points for an hour. This spell will stick with you until you lose those hit points. If you get tagged, you'll get advantage on your next attack roll. And if you get tagged,

you'll get advantage on your next attack roll. So if you take an attack, you get advantage on your next attack roll. And that's how that works. Wait, if we take an attack, we get hit? If you take damage by an attack on your next turn, you get advantage on your attack. Nice. That's great.

I mean, you all got five damage. Ha! Thanks, Dorian. You feel it? Does everyone feel it? I feel it! I feel it! Yes! I feel it! I'm going to break back around and I'll stand side by side with Dariax. Oh, buddies. Dorian Roberts.

Okay, we just use my brain, use your brain to pretend that you're in cool spots. We're there. Amazing. All right, that was beautiful and glorious, and now my bad boys are up. You've absolutely devastated what was supposed to be a wipe. So now I got to go and try harder. Okay.

First guy is going to run past you, Fy'ra, and I, to try to go for Opal. So go ahead and give me an attack. Actually? Can I get a? Yeah, I'll say, because I put you at a jaunty angle, this would trigger an attack of opportunity. Great. As he wants. Oh, sorry.

But I get one d4. You do. The fuck? Who has ever known what a d4 looks like? Well, mine look like little swords now. These fancy ones with roses in them. Sorry, I distract myself. I distract.

Plus four, 10, plus eight, 18. Does not hit. 18 does not hit. As he smobs past you and is going to attempt a two-weapon beatdown on Opal. Does a 15 and a 19 hit you? A 19 hits, not the 15. Okay. All right.

Then he's going to come and shield bash you off of the bed for seven points of bludgeoning damage. Give me a strength saving throw. See if you go a tumbling. Okay. Is this the right one? No, this one. You said a what? A strength?

Yeah. Oh, for fuck's sake! A four! You go off and get knocked prone onto the ground. Okay, so what does that mean? If I'm prone, I have to unprone myself? You're going to use half of your movement to stand up. Okay, thank you. But no other deleterious effect. Yes. Is that what you said? Unprone myself? Do unprone myself. You're going to use half of your movement to stand up. Okay, thank you. But no other deleterious effect.

Yes. Is that what you said? Unprone myself? Do unprone myself. Let's. I like that. We're going to have this guy come up. She said seven. He's going to come up here. Correct. And attempt to fight you. Do I get to attack him

with Attack of Opportunity as well? So you only get one, because you get a reaction. I don't get an Attack of Opportunity because you only get one. Right, but he also is staying in melee with you because the point is he's here to attack you. Yes, that's right. Okay, the first one is a 17 to hit.

And 19 on the die for much higher. Both of them hit, but I have dodge. Does that do anything for me? That's right, you took the dodge action. I took the dodge action. Yep, okay. I don't know what that does. First attack is going to miss instead.

Second attack still hits. Okay. Sweet. So this is another Warhammer-carrying mofo. You're going to take 10 points of bludgeoning damage straight across the face. That's okay, because I got those five extra hit points, and I'm me.

I'm a little bit of a titan. And I'm me. And I'm me. I'm just angry now! Really? We're going to put Smite on it. Fuck me, I shouldn't have said that. I have a question. If she has five hit points, the temporary ones, does she lose those first?

Yeah, you always take off the temporary hit points first. Then it cuts into your actual health. So you really took five off your max, but the spell drops for mine, I think. Oh, the spell. But you get advantage on the- The end of this spell, everybody else still has it, but the spell is over for you.

And I will get advantage on my next attack roll. You're going to take another six points of radiant damage. But when that happens, my... Where does he hit me? He was going right across your face again. As he does, the tattoos on my face flare a bright white, and I cut that damage. Can I? Here's the thing.

Oh, but that was a reaction. That's supposed to be a reaction. Fuck me. All right, that's fine. I don't like it. So I'm going to allow it. Oh, okay. was a reaction. Is that supposed to be a reaction? Fuck me. All right, that's fine. I like it. So I'm going to allow it. Oh, okay. Go ahead. So what was the damage originally? Oh, it was six points of radiant damage. Cut it in half and store the other half.

Do you want to tell me? Okay, so your tattoos flare white. What do they normally look like? Like, what is the pattern? They're normally gold. They're normally like, like. What's the pattern? The pattern looks like glyphs and sigils, like writing. Nice. And this particular one, as it flares up,

the words start to look like they change a little bit, and then they go back to normal after they suck in. The configuration on your face changes as those general sigils and signs align to something that calls radiant damage to it and keeps it, and they flare. They go back to gold, but they still seem to hold a little bit of that sparkling radiant light

as your upgraded tattoo is activated. My last boy in the corner, where can he get to? Nowhere else interesting, so he's got to go for you. Yeah, that's fine. He's going to run up, and he's also going to try to hit you. Come on, dude. Sure, sure. Do 14s hit?

Nope! Yeah, baby. Oh, and you're still taking dodge actions, so it would be lower. Except those were natural 20s and I wish I hadn't seen it. Tilted. The other guy runs up and just fully misses you as he's just, he got his bell rung from getting smacked against the wall

and he's seeing two of you right now. You know, like if your twin sister was here. That happens. Incredible. All right, that's the end of their turn. And now we've got, oh my god, the assassins are fully dead. Mor, you're up.

Yes. Okay, cool. I'm going to give myself advantage. I'm going to use Sneak Attack and give myself, wait, no, that's not correct. That's not correct. It's another S thing. Steady Aim. Okay. To give myself advantage, and I'm going to go, wait, so. No, for what it's worth, you can also trigger Sneak Attack

when your allies are in melee with someone because they're distracted having a fight. So you don't have to Steady Aim. You can just run up and do a hit. Oh, wait, you're right. And not kill your movement. Yes, if I hit, though. You know what I mean? That's always how it works. Yeah. If you hit, baby.

If you hit, baby. No, if you want to. I mean, if you're running the flank rules. Yeah, let's run them. I love it. If you want to get behind the guy and we're both on each side, that can give you advantage on your attacks as well. Oh, cool. Yeah, I'll do that.

I love playing Morals. Sounds like a plan. I'm going to go at him with my rapier. Let's go. Make your attacks with advantage. A 14. And don't forget Bless. We get to add a d4. Ooh, well, I think I've,

that's 14, 13, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 20. That's 21 without the d4. Can I save the d4, or does it die? It just happens every time. It's every attack. Until I can knock the Bless off of him, you get it. Okay. Great, so that's just really, I forgot the number that I said.

Oh, I didn't attack with my other guy. That's 22. I'll do it after. 22. Points of damage? No, 22 to hit. Yeah, okay, it hits. Okay, great. You're like, what?

It's like, excuse me? Don't kill him, I forgot to make him fight. So that's going to be, boop, and do this for her. That's a six, seven, eight, nine, 10, and then I get to add 3d6. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Wow! So that's a two, and a three, and a one. Oh no! So cool, 16. Nice! Damage, Cuddy damage. Cuddy damage. Cuddy damage. Cuddy damage. Yeah, this guy is looking extremely rough.

Yeah. He's still up, and I'm going to retroactively give him his turn. You came up. Yeah, yeah. With your cute little, your little spear thing, so he's going to go for you. Whatever. Two wits hands. Bring it on.

That's twin 13s plus four, 17 to hit? Yeah, that hits. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I said bring it on, I invited it in. I only have myself to blame. Very chivalrous. I try, you know, I'm a giver. 18 points.

18 points of damage. On slashing. On one hit? Oh, does it cross both of them? So it would be six and 12, yeah, all right, go ahead. Make your concentration checks. So that was a natural one, but thankfully I have advantage because I took Warcaster feat.

Damn it! Yes! It's the best feat. 15, no, 18 for one. Perfect. And the other one is, yeah, we're good. Cool, cool, cool. Just take your damage and go, Matthew. For fun!

Okay. Pack it up. Eight, two. Eighteen total, you said, right? Yes, 18 total. Seven, eight and go, Matthew. For what? Okay. Pack it up. Eight, two. 18 total, you said, right? Yes, 18 total. Seven. Oh, Borghaster. Never leave home without it. Yep. And your stupid blessing I can't get rid of.

All right, he's on his last legs. They are done. More just went. Fy'ra'i, you are up. Opal, you're on deck. Who looks the worst for wear of these three men? The three in between you? Yeah. I'm going to say the original guy right here, Shield Bash McGee.

Actually, I could do one more thing. No, I'm going in. So I'm going to go to Shield Bash McGee. I'm going to just attack him. Let's go. Attack number one. 18 plus a gazillion hits. A million, yeah. I'm going to go nine plus eight, 17 plus four, 21.

Amazing. And two unarmed, actually, do I have to say who I'm unarmed striking? Can I see if I knock him out with those first damages? He's still up, but barely. So do you want to finish him off'm unarmed striking? Can I see if I knock him out with those damages? He's still up, but barely. So do you want to finish him off with unarmed strike? Yeah, I haven't given damage yet. Oh, sorry.

I just hit those two. Nevermind, I thought that was damage. Let me see what the damage is. Yeah. What's your damage? Stop it. What is your damage? What is my damage? I love hearing a number and you're like, is that damage? I don't know, I'm just going to write it down. What's my damage? Oh is my damage? I love hearing a number and you're like, is that damage?

I don't know, I'm just going to right now. What's my damage? Oh my god, you guys. I feel smashed by therapists that next session. What's my damage? 1d6 plus five. Does Bless do damage or only saving throws? Just through attack and saving throws.

1d8. Why are there two numbers here? Six and... 13, so 19. 19. Is there anything else he can do? He's swaying, but still standing. I mean, I can unarmed strike him. Oh!

Yeah, I'm just going to unarmed strike him. Go ahead. Uh. Finish him. Finish. Slip the leg. Fuck. No, that won't make, that's physically impossible. And then my second unarmed strike. I did, I added the d4 and my eight,

I was 19 altogether. Math is hard. Fuck! No. Ay-yi-yi. No. This guy is swaying, but still standing. Hold on. This is so sad. Yep. How much do you have stored in your tattoo right now?

Oh shit! I had three, I did have three. So that was, did you see, you did ask if I had anything else and I do have three stored. I would like to use my three on that 19. Then go ahead and tell me, how do you want to do this as we finish this off?

Okay, thank god. So the first swipe cracks him in the neck. Yeah. And the second one comes around to crack him in the other side of the neck, and as it does, a bolt of radiant damage cuts through to his heart, and he goes, and away is I did it. Beautiful.

He hits the ground and twitches. He just stops moving. And I still have movement. You do. But I don't think I want to move. Can I just move so I am between, not disengaging, but move so I am essentially closer to them? You can scooch back, but you'll still be, yeah.

I want to prevent them from trying to go after anyone but me. Okay, okay. I love that. Incredible. Opal, you're up. I'm going to use half my movement to get the fuck up. You get the fuck up. You get the fuck up!

And there is, is there a bad guy right there? There's one right here. Okay, and there's two right there. Okay, so I'm going to do my old favorite, Eldritch Blast. That first guy. Love that for a warlock. Which first guy? That guy there. Do I have to pick my second one right away,

or can I wait to see if it hits? You can wait to see. Okay. I love that for you. Oh my god, it got stuck in my shirt. That was impressive. Not bad! That was amazing. Oh my god! I made it here!

That's an eight, right? Because I had the seven, so that's a one. Don't forget to add your Bless. I understand that you rolled very badly, but just generally speaking, don't forget your Bless. I've already used my Bless. Is it just a one? It doesn't use it. Oh, it's there forever. Until I can...

So the natural one could've, no. Natural one could've done it! It's not like... Okay, so no, it still doesn't do anything, right? Yeah, I just need you to have the breath. Just have it ready to do it. First blast misses because you're scared of hitting your friends.

Here we go, here we go. Second blast, got a hit. I feel it in my heart. Second blast, here we go. Second blast, going to hit. I feel it in my heart. Second blast, here we go. Let's go. Power! Okay, and then I add this. Yeah. Wait, but plus seven, yes? Yes. Okay, so that's a 20.

Plus this bitch is a 23. 23 hits. Yay! Wow. You're a little fast. Plus four lives. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And that is a nine damage, right? That's what it says here? Why are you pointing at me? I don't know. That's full of lies. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And that is a nine damage, right?

That's what it says here? Why are you pointing at me? I don't know. That's a nine. Yeah, it's a nine. Yeah. That's too low. No, it's not. I said he was already on the ropes. How do you want to do this?

Woo hoo! Yes! Okay, so maybe the Eldritch Blast over the year has changed. It used to be a mauve. It was a pink. Then it was a mauve. It was goth pink. I forgot.

I forgot. It was a goth pink, but now it is just straight up like, it's black, but it has like a little hint of like a pink glitter. You know, she hasn't gone all the way. That's cute though. So, yeah. I love it. So she just, I guess she just, I mean, I feel like now she could just do it with like a flick of a finger. Oh, glittery, all over the glass. Yeah, I love it. So she just, I guess she just,

I mean, I feel like now she could just do it with a flick of a finger. Oh, of course she can. And so she points at him, she flicks her finger, and then that happens, and you can finish it off, because you're better at that. Oh! Than I am.

Oh, thanks! Yeah, you send off that pink, glittery blast, and first the blackness hits. Then, as almost lit from within, the glitter takes over and spreads across his chest. Again, in your ear, you hear this mixture. It's not just a triumphant cackle from the Spider Queen, but Ted, your warlock patron, the source of your power,

they're reveling together in this united force of destruction. Basically, it's just a very nice girl's night. Oh my god! She got it. Oh god! Besties! So this very dark, spooky thing with the output inside.

They're like, get it, get it, get it, get it! So, you know, a little bit of dissonance. Thanks, besties. As he falls down and curls in on himself, going fetal immediately as he dies. I guess, can I use the rest of my movement to get to where that fake stone is? Do you know it's fake stone?

I guess not. Do you want to head to the real looking stone? I would like to head to the real looking stone. Sure. I just want to make sure he's dead. All right, metagame. I just want to be like, are you sure you're dead? Okay, he's dead.

Okay, and you walk past, you're like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Perfect. Amazing. Next up is Dariax. It's my turn already. All right, damn. All ready.

Shut up. All right, as I watch this gentleman in front of me just be disintegrated by black and pink glitter. It's so pretty. It's like, that was legitimately horrifying and gorgeous. Thanks. All right. Then I look across from you. We want to go finish these other guys?

Sure, yeah. All right, let's do it. I'm going to rush up onto the platform, spear out in front of me and charge. Ah! This guy or this guy? That guy right there, right next to him. I'm going to take an attack against him.

Get him, get him, get him. Natural one. Woo! Hey! No! Honestly? The battle plan is just great. Are you awake?

I'm just, I'm shaking awake here for a second. Yeah. He's just a little tired. Just a little bit, a little bit. I just keep going past him. Oh no! For an additional five feet to his back. Like,. Oh no.

Do better than me! Baby boy. I'll try. Amazing. And you have to go to the other side. Oh no. Do better than me! Baby boy. I'll try. I'm going to say. You know what? That's my turn. Nothing else? I'm going to say. Come on.

Oh my gosh. Okay, fine. Yeah! I'm going to give you a Convince to Bees. Let's go. Bees are the source viewpoint. I'm going to go ahead and go ahead and go past him. I'm like, all right, fine.

And unleash the Sacred Flame as a bonus action into his face over my shoulder. Incredible. I've been quite looking at him, just like, pow! Incredible. What can you do with an eight? I can do 15 points of radiant damage. Oh!

Oh my god! I'm not even going to give, no, I got to. How do you want to do this? Yes! Is that your third one today? I think it's my second give, no, I got to. How do you want to do this? Yeah! Is that your third one today? I think it's my second. All right. Incredible. You guys were so beefy.

They were hard to hit, and then you hit them good. So it's like running past with a spear, it's like, Shh! Believe in the cat statue. I'm pretty sure it didn't work. So I turn around to go ahead and take him up into the face, and he's on the, it's not even a cool, how do you want to do this? He's just on the ground, I'm pretty sure it didn't work. So I turn around to go ahead and take a weapon to the face. He's on the, it's not even a cool, how do you want to do this?

He's just on the ground. I'm like, oh, it worked! Ha! Hey! Other guy, other guy then. Yeah. Good job. That's fine. Amazing. We're back up to the top. Dorian, you're up.

Ah! So much has happened. Yeah. Since I went to go pee. But not me, Dorian. I did, we did. We did together. Maybe both. He might be peeing. Dory, I did. We did, too. We did together. Maybe both. He might be peeing. He might. Just a little bit.

Just a little bit in the pants. A little bit. We only got one baddie left? Yeah. Come to art. Okay. There's no threats. I'll use my movement to go up the stairs behind the bed.

Okay. And I'll use my action. go up the stairs behind the bed. Okay. I'll use my action. As I go up, can I look at this guy? How's he looking? He's actually not that bad. His bell was rung a little bit, but he's still above half. Oh, okay.

If I use all my distance, how close can I get to him? What's your full movement? 30. Do you have anything that gives you extra movement? Nope. That's not true. Do I not? I don't think I do. My feedies, I don't think they give me extra.

I think my flight speed's the same as... I do think your feedies give you extra, but don't you have a flourish that gives you extra movement? Could I? Would I have to attack first? He's right there, right? Yeah, he's like a five. So he's like a five.

You know what? I know what I'm going to do. I'll make my way up the stairs and I'll do a. Everyone calm down. We're going to get YMCA. As this feels on Bren, I'm going to do a little tuck and roll. I'm going to pop up from behind the bed and I'm going to throw my handaxe at his dome.

Hell yeah! Amazing! I'll give him a little push. Also, your blade flourish, whenever you take the action on your turn, your walking speed increases by 10 feet until the end of your next turn, which would catch this because you attacked on your, no, you gave a speech!

Yeah, I gave a speech. Yeah, I know, I know. All right, so I'm going to give it a try. Sorry, I tried. I'm trying to come to my senses. You throw it, you throw it. I'm going to throw my action. Yeah, throw it. You know what, it's going to take 20 to do it. I'll actually take it.

That would be a 19 plus something. Yeah! Yeah, it's going to hit. Yeah, plus six. Yeah, 25. Incredible. Absolutely hits. Roll your damage. Through the air. Six plus three. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Be good. Not. It is not. That's a five. Where do you aim? For his noggin. Okay. Try to hit it. I mean, I'm going to give it to you.

Okay. He's still up, but your axe is stuck behind his ear. Yeah! His ear is mostly off, but that tendon is keeping a little sandwich situation going. Yeah, that was gross. You said noggin. Could have been somewhere normal. Nope, nope, yeah. I am for a head.

And that's it. Some dungy cutting over there. Ah! But don't forget, for the next, your next round, you have 10 extra feet of wood. Got it, okay. And then I turn around and lean back, and I was like, hey, new girl!

Yeah? Want to try and finish him off? I mean, I can try. Ah, you could do it. Great. Sweet. Believe in yourself. Before you go, he's going to swing.

Oh shit. He's going to swing and... He's got an attack for each of you. What? Oh my god. All right, that's okay. 14 to hit you? Yep. 16 to hit you? Yep. 16 to hit you. No.

Misses twice. He's distracted because he has an axe in his head a little bit. That'll do it, yeah. Ah! And... Yeah. He's going to push past you both.

He's going to attempt to run away. Oh. So? So you both. He's going to attempt to run away. Oh. So you both get attacks of opportunity on him as he turns and tries to flee. We still got that sticky icky right in the corner? Is it still there? I don't know. Christ. All right. Well.

Yeah, does it go away? How long does your sticky icky last? I'll tell you right now. Hmm. It doesn't you right now. Hmm. It doesn't really say any, well, it must, right? I promise it does. Concentration up to one minute. Fuck. Okay. I need you to roll a couple concentration checks for me

because you've taken damage. Okay. Okay, concentration checks. Added 20, add your concentration. Oh, which is zero. 13. Checks. Added 20, add your constitution. Oh, constitution, which is zero. Ha ha ha ha. 13. Stays up. Give me one more. 11. Stays up.

He's going to attempt to run for it. You guys roll your attacks. You two. 13 plus eight, 21. 21 hits. Eight. He's not looking great. Warcaster feat, I'm going to go ahead

and Secret Flame him as he runs past. So he has to make a dexterity save. 14. 14 does not make it. Takes 10 points of radiant damage. Oh my god. Oh, please tell me that's your third. Okay, bye! 14? 14 does not make it. It takes 10 points of radiant damage. Oh my god. Bam! Please tell me that's your third.

Okay, bam! That's your third. Yes! Clean it out! Finish it off, Matt. How do you kill the last guy? All right. As he goes running past,

I see him charging in slow motion. I look towards you and be like, Shoot him! I'm going to put my hand in the air as the sacred flames burn up the leg, trying to stop him in his tracks to spin and expose his torso in your direction. Oh!

I'll take my short bow. Sure! I'll take my short bow and take a knee and shoot him. Go ahead. I'm not going to make you, you don't have to roll the hand, it's fine. Great. Just describe, this is a team effort. Oh great, I think Morgan's very confused because she's never worked with anyone before, ever.

She's always been by herself. So she just doesn't know what it's like to have other people helping or anything like that. She's never had friends, really. So she's just like, Oh, okay. So yeah, she takes a knee and just kind of. Is it a crossbow or a shortbow?

Sorry, it's a shortbow. Yeah, she's a shortbow. So you pull back and loose, and everything seems to slow down in bullet time, and the fletching on your arrow seems to distend and stretch out, and you can't tell if it's the way the light works or if there's just streaming jet black feathers

coming off of the back of your arrow. And you hear the true song of your bird. And whereas normally you hear that sweet melody and it gives you an instinctual thought or feeling. These are words. You hear, They're the ones that will get you out alive. Get the blueprints and get out.

Everything speeds up again as your arrow finds its mark in the last man's heart, and he crumples to the ground in the pile of yuck. Sticky icky. That's sticky icky. And you have solved my penthouse puzzle. Yay! That was weird. I was like, this is where I came, and this is where I will die. have solved my penthouse puzzle. Yay!

That was weird. I was like, this is where I came, and this is where I will die. Yay! You guys went from so scary to not at all scary. Real quick. That's fucking team work. It is not team work. You QB'd that entire time.

You worked everybody. You murdered everyone. time. You looked at everybody! You murdered everyone! No. You good? We got the last one, I think, yeah. I was going to say, it was very valuable. We got it. Yeah, we got it. You're a new girl, you want to do something? Yeah!

Yeah! That's a minute. Toast. And then he. Oh boy. Do you smell toast right now? Yes. Wait, can we still figure out what's under that fake? You need to.

Okay. Do we know? I'd like to feel around, see if there's an opening. So you go and interact with it. Give me an investigation check. If someone wants to help you, you can have advantage. I'll help. Okay. Yeah, I knew of it.

I'm going to go peek in the cupboard. 15. Yeah! Uh-oh. Investigation, you said? Yeah. No? It's a 15. Oh, a natty twin, actually. Amazing.

So you walk over and you see Opal tapping on the edges of this. Maybe using my dagger to kind of. Ooh, to start prying at the corners. And you know that this is just very thick, like terracotta, that's sort of weathered to look like stone. And the weakest points on it would be where the most of those inlaid lines cross.

So she's fussing with the edges, which is reasonably the thickest part of it. But if you do some direct damage to the very center of the pattern, you'll probably shatter it inward. I'm like, I would say I'm in a little bit of a trance. Yeah. But I just walk up to it and I say,

step back for a second. Okay. And I just want to, I have big, big old rabbit feet. Yeah. I just want to hit it with my foot. Amazing. Yeah. Give me an Athletics check with advantage. Oh no, my Athletics is so bad. And you're still blessed.

Oh yeah, yeah, we'll see. That is a nine, oh! Okay, so that's an 18. Love it. And then? Plus your d4. Oh yeah. Technically, he bless Okay, so that's an 18. Love it. And then? Plus your d4. Oh yeah. Technically, Bless's attack rolls and saving throws. This is a mixture of an attack roll.

Okay, fair enough. Yeah. That's an 18. And that's a two, so, or a one. Well, not a natural one. Did you roll your Bless? Oh, I thought, wait, does it? Yeah, d4. Yeah, you can still attack. Oh, awesome. Yeah, this is still an attack.

So it'd be 19 for the highest one, yeah. It's going to take a couple jumps, but you can feel it give way after the second, and it begins to crack along the lines of that. And after, let's say, jump three, you feel just that little pop as this collapses in on itself. Not enough to send you falling down into it,

but it is broken. Cool. What are the rest of you doing? Going to run over to her and steady her so that she doesn't fall in. And so the thing has just barely popped? Yeah, it's like if you shattered a piece of pottery and it's just that little indent in,

but it hasn't completely collapsed in on itself. Maybe we help her dig. Steady her, and then I'm going to clamber down on it with my staff. Go for it. Again, give me an attack roll. 25. Yeah, that'll do.

You know best, and you're blessed. Yeah, you immediately flourish with your quarterstaff and pop it right across that seam that she created for you, and it collapses inward. What you see, very much like the cabinet that you were looking in for, is just preternaturally, magically dark, darkness in a 10 by 10 foot little cube.

You have no idea how deep it is, and you can't see. You want to stir in that pot? No, I don't know what's in it either, and I really love my staff, so I am going to pull out my dagger instead and just poke around in the black and see does anything happen to my dagger. How far do you lean into the hole?

Fuck me. You pulled out a thing that's shorter. Uh-oh. I did instead. Oh, la la la la! What has she got here? Is it magical darkness? It is magical darkness.

I have a short sword in here, that's a little longer. I'll take the short sword and not lean too far in. Okay. And just stir around. You're stirring, and you can feel it hit stuff, but you notice that you're hitting something that clearly is hard, but you're not hearing the sound of impact,

that this is a magically dampened. Does it feel like a floor, or does it feel like a, what does it feel like? You're not reaching a floor, but you're definitely hitting stuff in there. Hmm. But nothing's grabbing your sword. Screw it. I'm going to reach my hand in and mess around.

You reach in and you feel your hand scrape against this very tall vase that feels like it's made of slick porcelain glass. You can't tell, but it feels fairly tall and fairly heavy as you try to grab the top and you're like, oh, got to get a different angle to grab it all the way. You feel a lot of rolled up tubes of paper. That's what I want. I want to pull those out. Okay.

Forgoing the vase, you go and pull up the tube and the first one you pull out, you see on the very inside of it is blue. And you found it. The blueprints. The master blueprints for the casino. This will do. There's a vase in there, too, and now I don't know whether to be greedy.

I hand off the papers to Morgan. And I feel around on that vase again. Is there anything distinctive about the vase? Just that it's sealed. Oh, yeah. And it feels like, you can get a sense, I'm not going to make you roll to divine the size of the vase or the shape of it. You have a feeling that it's probably

a foot and a half tall. Yeah, I'm taking it out. Okay. You go and lift this massive, what you now are holding in C, is this dark red glass urn? Uh-oh. For lack of a better term. And you're just holding onto that.

Coming from the background that I come from, I know of Jyn and Ifrit, and I am aware that this could be very dangerous. At the same time, as we keep a lid on it, who knows? We've held dangerous things before. That turned out well. Wait, you found gin? Mm-mm.

Mm-mm, no. That was me talking, thinking out loud. I think we should get out of here. I agree. We made a lot of noise. Is there any kind of a back entrance? I see this balcony. Is that a closet?

Yeah. Narnia! If you go through the door, yeah, it'll leave. I'm not going to open the door because I'm going to knock everything over and it will be ruined and terrible. It lets out onto a balcony and you see that you're at one of two parapets

at the top of this tower and across from it, you see this beautiful glass-bottomed outdoor bar that more you know to be the sky deck here. It's a very rickety looking, it doesn't look like it should be able to hover and jut out over the ground. The architecture, you don't have to be an architecture student to know that that shouldn't be standing.

It looks crazy, but it's there and it's standing and you see very well-dressed people sitting casually on it, enjoying nice drinks. I will say, if you would allow more, you are opening your blueprints at roughly this time. And as your new allies mention the balcony and the bar that they're staring out across, you look and see, and you see the design behind it.

And you finally understand that little bit of blue stone that allows it to hover, that keeps it from falling down, the support strut for the sky bar is brumestone. Incredibly rare, incredibly valuable. And you have just one little thought. If you play your cards right, you all have an escape route.

That's where we're going to end tonight. We have a field trip! Woo! Woo! Yay! You guys, we rolled so well. We were bad. That's our throne. We would have counted. we rolled so well. Yeah! That's our throne.

Winner counted. Felt so bad. It hurted my feelings. Oh man. Is everyone okay? Yeah, yeah. I mean, thanks to our Death Dwarf. Yeah.

Our radiant Death Dwarf. I'm just here for support, guys. MVP. MVP. MVP. MVP. MVP! MVP! MVP! OPP! Now we're all a little bit.

Yeah, you know me! You know me! That was the cost of his good rolls, because we can't speak proper words. We can't speak words good now. He stole words! We speak words good. From our faces. I discovered it's the d20 that I can't roll well.

The damage dice I can do okay. No! Our collective IQ went to the hit points. Correct. Yep. Pretty much. And now it's decimated. A worthy trade. Incredible. Okay.

Let's do some stuff. Oh man, all right. Oh yeah, let's do it. All right, y'all. Okay, so I'm looking at the table. Hey, quick question. Can we, I don't want to wait a week. Can we just come back tomorrow?

Tight. So join us tomorrow, April 1st, for part two of Exandria Unlimited. Kyle and Nell. We will see you then. Until then, be good. Be best, I don't know. Be best! Be best! Hashtag, be best. Be best. I don't know. Be best. Be best.

Hashtag be best. Don't do a murder. Do a poodle. Let's do it really good. Do a poodle. Do a poodle. Do a murder. And until then, is it Friday yet?

Oh! This is Liam O'Brien with a hearty thank you for joining us on this episode of Exandria Unlimited on the Critical Role Podcast Network. If you've enjoyed the show, please leave us a review on the podcast app of your choice. Who knows, maybe your review might just lead a new critter to embarking on this wild ride. There are unlimited stories to be told, and we can't wait to keep telling them. Until next time, is it Thursday yet?