Critical Role - Honey Heist 3: Tova's Honeys
Episode Date: March 15, 2019Tova's back. And she's rounded up five un-bear-ably funny ladies for the ultimate caper... Presenting Honey Heist 3: Tova's Honeys, feat. Noelle Stevenson, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Krystina Arielle, Br...ittany Walloch-Key, Dani Carr, Laura Bailey & game master Marisha Ray!Character Art by Joana Carvalho (@_sleepyjane)Twitch subscribers gain instant access to VODs of our shows like Critcal Role, Talks Machina, Between the Sheets and All Work No Play. But don't worry: Twitch broadcasts will be uploaded to YouTube about 36 hours after airing live, with audio-only podcast versions of select shows on iTunes, Google Play & Podbean following a week after the initial air date. Twitch subscribers also gain access to our official custom emote set and subscriber badges (designed by our beloved Critter Arsequeef) and the ability to post links in Twitch chat!
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Time to roll for bear.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's special one-shot Honey Heist 3, Tova's Honeys.
But first, I have a few announcements, like we always do. So, woo-hoo!
Announcements!
Together, all of you all helped us raise over $100,000 for the Pab Love Foundation,
which is Sam's chosen favorite charity of choice,
which is dedicated to fighting childhood cancer
through funding grants and, of course, through the arts.
So because of your amazing generosity,
Sam will be hosting his first ever fireside chat
this Tuesday at 7 p.m. Pacific
on twitch.tv slash Critical Role,
the channel you are currently watching.
After that, if you ever wondered
what it would be like if I drew my own D&D character?
No.
So what would it be like if you drew
your own D&D character?
I'm so glad you guys asked.
It would be terrible.
So that means I'm going to make content out of it
on a very special Everything Is content.
This Wednesday, we'll be joined by a very special art instructor
who will teach me how to draw Beauregard.
And that amazing artist is Babs Tarr.
The lovely Babs is going to try and teach me how to draw.
What?
Yeah.
That sounds bad.
Thanks, I hope it is with you.
Yeah, we'll see.
Hope you guys like it.
And that is this Wednesday at 5 p.m. Pacific,
right here on twitch.tv slash Critical Role.
Critical Role!
Critical Role!
Woo-hoo!
Okay, that's pretty much it for the announcements.
Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr-arr-arr-arr.
With that, it is time to get into tonight's episode.
Ah!
Super nervous.
Of Honey Heist 3, Tova's Honeys.
Woo! three Tova's honeys. All right.
Here we go.
Tova.
Hey.
It has been three months since you sent the Sweet Brothers on their mission to clear Fort Lox from the control of the Bear Hakuta and Hattori Bongo.
Of course, you've been living the adventuring life part-time, but now you are back at the High Bear Nation headquarters.
You delivered the news back to Ser Paddington on the discovery of the
plutonium from Fort Lux, the highly explosive honey-based compound that the
clan was possessing. Since then, it's been business as usual at the High Bear
Nation, at least it has been when you've been there, which hasn't been that much.
Which leads us to today, a day in which you've been requested
to have a briefing with your boss, Sir Paddington.
Big bear himself.
Now, generally, he doesn't speak with you directly
unless it's pretty big.
It's meeting time.
Okay.
So you head down the hall up to the third floor
where his, kind of his office is,
even though he's never there.
You've actually never met Sir Paddington in person.
It's just kind of a little briefing room
where he discusses things with agents whenever necessary.
You get led in by the assistant. The door closes. where he discusses things with agents whenever necessary.
You get led in by the assistant. The door closes.
Hello, Tova.
Hi.
My favorite of the honeys.
Well, thanks.
I have a new mission for you that is of the utmost importance. Well, thanks. I have a new mission for you
that is of the utmost importance.
All right.
Are you up for the task?
Always am.
We have gotten new information
that more plutonium is continuing to find its way
into the criminal underworld.
I know.
Terrible.
Right? Yeah.
We believe that whomever is distributing this weapon of mass destruction, that they are doing so by ocean transport.
I know.
Gasp.
Gasp.
A single gram is enough to destroy a small town.
With this many lives at stake, I need my top agents on the mission. I have granted you access to a full team.
I have inserted their coordinates
into your glowbear positioning identification system.
Of course, being your system,
it is the one labeled Roll a d6 for me.
Two. The brains. As you are the brains of the group. Here is your global positioning system.
That's amazing.
What?
My god, it works.
Spin it! Spin it!
Can I?
You can, as soon as I'm done debriefing you. Oh my god, it works. Spin it, spin it. Can I?
I'm going to spin it. You can as soon as I'm done debriefing you.
Thank you.
Take it away. I know.
Now, if you insert the names of the other jobs,
you can easily find the other agents
here in our headquarters.
Those other jobs, of course, being the muscle,
the driver, the hacker, the thief, and a face.
You always need a good face.
Yeah, important to every mission.
Now, once you've gathered the honeys, as always,
go talk to Bersley for future details on your mission.
All right, go assemble your team.
Track down who's responsible for the supply of the Balutonium and bring them to justice.
All right, you got it, boss.
Make me proud, Tova.
It's all I want to do in life.
I enjoy hearing that.
Yeah.
It validates me deeply.
It's been an honor getting to see this speaker.
That is you.
That is me, correct?
All right, Galko, I'm your team.
All right.
So you leave.
Thank you for all of that.
Change much?
Technology has come so far.
It has. Amazing.
Who would you like to try and find first?
Let's try and find the brawn, the muscle.
The muscle, okay, go ahead and give me a spin.
All right.
All right, oh my god, what the fuck?
Does this spin the bottle?
Ooh!
Ooh!
Spinning you.
Southeast.
Ooh!
You head down a corridor,
and you look down on your positioning system
and you see a little flashing red beacon.
You see a few of them.
Yeah, and you're like, okay.
You head down a corridor, down the stairs
towards the southeast wing
of the Highbear Nation headquarters.
There you see the gym.
In the gym, hot, sexy-looking polar bear
by the name of Drew Barrymore
is working out.
Yeah.
Drew Barrymore, would you like to describe yourself as you are now the muscle? Oh boy. I'm going to write that down. Ooh, yeah.
Well, apparently I've got guns.
I think that's still feminine. Well, got a little bit of the crazy eyes going.
Let's get that started off right now.
So I'm just going to be kind of like boxing, just punching things in the whatever that is, the punching bag.
I know what it's called.
Bear punching.
Bear punching room with claws,
because that's what they do.
And she's got a little bit of a,
maybe she's finished with drugs, maybe not.
I'm not super sure.
Yeah, wild card.
Yeah, but a very slightly well-groomed coat.
You know, it's clearly been taken care of
at some point in time in her life.
And yeah, eyes that you're never really sure
if they're going to land at any point.
They just dart a lot.
She's staring at you for a minute,
but then she's over here.
And then maybe she's over here.
So it's pretty much what she's like,
and she has daisies in her hair.
She's got little daisies.
Well, they are adorable.
Oh, thanks.
And that's what this mission is about.
Daisies?
Nope, bears who are very strong, but also adorable.
Oh, you come to the right place.
Are you in?
I'm going to need the top bears on my team.
You're the strongest bear of all,
and you have the most adorable daisies.
Oh, thank you. So are you in?
I'm always in.
Come on, I mean, it sounds like
it's going to be a really good time.
I don't know what we're doing, but I'm in.
Then let's do this.
All right, who are you tracking down next?
Well, because I totally remember
all the things that you said earlier.
I guess we're going for the face now.
Going for the face.
Go ahead and spin.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
Oh, it's so fun.
Can I be looking over your shoulder?
It's a northwest, west, west.
So you head out of the gym,
take a left and head west,
all the way down to the total far end of the headquarters.
That's what it's called.
And at the end, you can see where this is coming from.
There's a bedroom of one of the agents that lives on site.
It's always dark in there.
You're not sure what's going on.
You knock on the door.
This is the Midnight Maven's bedroom.
Yes!
Hello, who's there?
It's me, Tova.
Tova, I love you.
Andru, Andru, hey!
Oh, Drew.
Pass, hey.
You brought the crazy one.
You know, she's the strongest fair of all,
and I'm going to need the best for this mission.
Midnight Maven complimented me, you guys.
Yeah, all right, yeah.
You know, we're having a moment here, you know?
You know, we haven't seen each other in a while,
so we're getting reacquainted. How can I help you, Tova?
The palutonium, which is what it's called.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
Incredibly deadly.
It's incredibly deadly, and it's out there again.
And I'm going to need the face on this.
You want me to be your face?
Yes, please.
Will you be my face?
I accept this request.
Whatever you want.
Well, thank you.
I am happy to be on your team.
Then let's do this.
Oh my god, this is so exciting.
It's the best day of my entire life.
Is she looking at me? I can't quite.
Is she looking at you? I can't.
Oh, no.
I'm looking at you. I don't know if she is looking.
I don't know. Is there someone behind?
Oh. She's excited.
Okay, you still need to find your driver,
your hacker, and your thief.
All right, let's go and find our hacker.
You type in hacker into your glow bear positioning system.
Beep, beep.
Beep, beep.
Beep, beep.
Beep, beep.
That's a north.
All right.
Let's go north.
You head away from the living quarters
and you go up a flight of stairs
and all the way back towards a command office center.
There's access to lights, city information,
things that a lot of people probably shouldn't have.
And in there there you see
Barapasit.
Oh.
She's smoking in the room full of all
the dangerous technology.
Yep.
Because I don't care.
I don't care if it explodes, I don't care if it blows us
away, but I do care about you being here.
Well, I'm sorry to intrude, but you're supposed to be
the best hacker in all of the Highbearer nation,
so I got a special mission just for you.
Are you pretending that you don't know my reputation
firsthand?
All right, all right, yes.
That's not what we're doing here.
We both know each other very well, but I'm doing a thing.
It's cool, all right? We're doing a thing.'re doing it. We both know each other very well, but I'm doing a thing, it's cool, all right?
We're doing a thing.
Just go with it.
Just go with it. Sure.
You could really use your hacking claws
if you're up for it.
What do you say?
I'll join you, I'll be your hacker.
Yes.
Who else is on this team?
Well, we have our muscle.
Hey. We have our face. Hello Well, we have our muscle. Hey.
We have our face.
Hello.
And we have our hacker.
And you have me, the brains.
It's a very beautiful team.
I'm very excited to be a part of it.
It is, it is, you know.
Highly prioritize symmetrical faces on this team.
Where are we going?
We're going presumably somewhere watery,
with a lot of ocean, and we're going to get that
by Lutonium and we're going to stop those bad guys.
That's what we're doing.
We shall bear down on them in the best possible way.
That's an excellent bear pun.
Very much respect it.
Let's do this.
Done.
You need a driver and a thief still.
All right, who's going to be our driver?
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
That never gets old.
We're going northwest.
We are going northwest, not far from where you are,
but you head back down the stairs and into the garage,
and there you find Grizzly Bear.
Someone hand me a goddamn Allen Ranch, please!
What does that mean? Immediately go run
and find one. Here you go, here you go. What's your mean? Immediately go run and find one.
Here you go, here you go.
What's your name again?
I'm Drew, hey.
Hey, where are you looking?
Doesn't matter, did it?
Nope, it's your dump.
All right, all right, all right.
Easy there. How the hell are you?
All right, hey, Grizz.
What are you fixing right now?
I'm fixing the pipe on this thing.
The pipe? Yep. Is that all right? The pipe, that's important pipe on this thing. The pipe? Yep.
Is that our ride?
The pipe that's imploding the car.
Car pipe?
Well, it's part of the carburetor,
if you want to get technical about it, but yeah.
She was using layman's terms, you guys.
You know what?
You're a crazy driver.
You've gotten us into a scrape before,
but you know what?
No one's faster away from a getaway scene than you,
so Gryz, come to ask you a favor.
A favor? What do I get?
Well, praise. My admiration.
Done, what do you need?
All right.
We are going. I'm easy.
We're going on a heist.
Going on a heist? Yeah, that's right!
Barney, I'm going on a heist!
Yeah, I know! I'll be back!
Dang it.
I didn't even hear anyone talking to her.
I don't know who that is.
He might be your head.
I don't believe anyone was.
All right, Barney. Take care, buddy.
Crazy Barney's behind the wall right there.
He's quiet. Hi, Barney.
He's a mute.
I'm just letting him know where I'm going.
You guys have your own communication system. That's so cool! It's called English, and I'm using. Oh, man. You're just letting them know where I'm going. You guys have like your own communication system.
That's so cool.
It's called English and I'm using my mouse.
Okay, what are you?
Man.
Drew, I love you.
I like you a lot.
It's gonna be fun.
I like you a lot.
I'm looking forward to this one.
All right, so you two are hitting it off.
That's always good.
All right, we got one more member of our team we gotta get.
And that is the?
Thief.
The thief.
That's the one we gotta get. Let's is the? Thief. The thief! That's the one we gotta get.
Let's find out where our thief is.
We're going back north.
Sure, you type in thief and
you kind of head back north and then you
shake the box a little bit, it's a little, you know,
when you're, and then you shake the box a little bit. It's a little, you know, when you're. I sure do.
And then it eventually tells you to go southwest,
which is the direction.
It can be useful sometimes.
And last remaining member by process of elimination
to your team, you find Claire McFuzz.
She was hard to track because she is a tiny little
honey badger and she was kind of running from room to room, so you a tiny little honey badger, and she was running from
room to room. It gets confused. It's a little slow.
Whoa! Who just said that?
Hi.
Hey, Grizzly. How you doing?
Oh my god, you're so small!
Y'all always sneak up on me.
Sorry, Grizzly. We're still friends, Rhett.
Just Grizz.
All right, Grizz. Okay, Grizz.
I have a fuzz. Hi, Tova. Is? Just Grizz. All right, Grizz. Okay, Grizz. Clara McFuzz.
Hi, Tova.
Is that you?
Yeah.
All right.
How you doing?
I'm doing very well, thank you for asking.
Did you get that box of fudge I sent you a week ago?
I always appreciate your fudge. Thank you for it.
Can I offer you another?
Please.
From McFuzz's famous fudge factory. You know, my daddy's factory.
Daddy's factory. Oh, great. That, my daddy's factory. I know your daddy's factory.
Oh, great.
That's my daddy.
Have I mentioned that before?
He's very handsome.
Okay, we do fudge, right?
Yes, you do. Okay.
I like how most thieves steal things.
You sneak into people's rooms and leave them fudge.
I do.
Well, she steals things and replaces them with fudge.
It's honestly a pretty good deal
if you're getting stolen from.
It's damn good fudge, too.
I've been holding onto this one for a few weeks.
Just keeping it warm.
Yeah, that's a fair amount of time, huh?
That means a lot to me, Chris.
And down the front, that keeps it warm, too.
Tova, what can I do for you today?
Well, we're looking for a thief.
You might see that we've assembled a team.
I love stealing things.
Just the best team that there is in the Highbear nation.
My goodness, you have indeed.
Okay. Yeah, and the cutest team.
Not that that's important, but they're very cute.
Steal your hearts if you're not careful.
You can already have it.
That's a good one.
Place it with Fudge.
Well, I'm in.
Totally, 100%, all yours.
Totally?
That was an unexpected pun.
A+.
Yes!
I love it. Hey, Double M, she's got a lot of puns, don't A+. I love it. A double M.
She's got a lot of puns, don't you?
I've noticed.
That's the only one so far, but maybe I'll come up with another one at some point.
This team has been prioritized not only for their skill, but also for their adorableness,
and also for their puns. I think this is the best team possible. Possible. Terrible. Terrible.
Everything's going so great.
It's going great.
All right.
So are you in, honeys?
Heck yeah!
Bring it on!
Let's do it.
Let's do it!
Come on, ladies, put in a paw.
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
I love it when it starts on an awkward note.
You will gather yourselves and you head down
to the R&D center to meet with Bearsly.
As you approach, automatic glass doors glide open
as you enter the warehouse-like chamber.
The lighting is a bit dim
and only half the room is really lit.
From what you can see, every inch of the walls
are covered in shelves stocked with equipment. Emerging from the dark side of the room, you see an older bear, darker fur that's
beginning to give a little salt and pepper. He's wearing a nice suit with a red pinstripe collared
shirt and a bright red tie to match. This is Bearsley. You all know Bearsley pretty well. He is
the right hand man to Ser Paddington
and the only member of the Highbare Nation
to have ever met him in person.
Oh.
Oh, hello, honeys.
Hi, Bearsly.
How you doing?
Marvelous. How you doing?
I hear you're going on the Belutonio mission.
Is that true? That's right.
It is.
I see Highbare Nation has really pulled out their best for this one. Going on the Belutonio mission, is that true? That's right.
I see Hibernation has really pulled out
their best for this one.
Clearly.
They raised their budget.
Bowtie looks really good on me.
Oh, well, thank you.
I'm trying to go for a new look, you know?
That's very nice. Thank you.
Salt and pepper's fine.
All right, well.
Oh, Chris.
You're making me blush blush even under this fur.
I know, it's making me happy.
Yes, I'll accept it.
Just the cutest.
All right, honeys, let me do a brief here.
Here's what we figured out.
Through our triangulation algorithm
that we've invested in here at the Highbare Nation,
we believe that Stillben, which is a port town just invested in here, the High Bear Nation, we believe that Stillbin,
which is a port town just east of here,
is the town that's maybe responsible
or at least triangulated that a lot of this plutonium
is coming in and out.
Of course, you know,
we think it's connected to the waterways,
and Stillbin happens to be connected
to just about every other port on the eastern seaboard.
Now, from there,
kind of makes sense that it's Stillben
because it has a pretty big history of corruption
and criminal underworld things.
The clasp has been there for years,
so we're not really surprised.
See that Stillben is in the middle of all this.
And you guys remember Hattori Bongo?
Hard to forget.
Yeah, he was that guy
that the Sweeps brothers uncovered.
Yeah, well, we have information
from one of our informants that one of us associates
has been hunkered down over there in Stillben.
Yeah, go talk with an old friend over at Sunset Stride.
It's a tavern over in Stillben.
Name a penny.
Our informant.
Foreman's name, Penny.
Got it. Clarification.
Penny's not Bongo's associate.
We're going to find Bongo's associate.
Correct. We like Penny. Penny's good. I just need going to find Bungo's associate. Correct.
We like Penny.
Penny's really good.
I just need things that'll clear it out for my brain.
Appreciate it.
We all do.
But yeah, she might have some information.
She's been down there for quite a bit.
Yeah. She gone local?
She's gone a little local.
You creep me out sometimes, Drew.
It's like you know things that you shouldn't know.
Don't worry about it.
It's almost like you've been...
She means well.
Her fur is full of secrets.
And strawberries.
How did those strawberries get in there?
Where did they come from?
You know what?
Don't ask questions.
Don't ask questions.
I wasn't going to.
You know what?
I like to just eat the things I like, all right?
You know, it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal, okay?
Try not to ask too many questions about your future.
I have very serious concerns for your future.
I have a future?
Not the way it's looking.
That's the most anyone's ever said of that.
Well, this'll be fun.
Right. Just an observation.
Glad that the Highbare Nation has spared no expense.
All right. We're getting paid? This is the second time I has spared no expense. All right.
We're getting paid?
This is the second time I've heard we might be getting paid!
Oh man.
Do you just live here?
Yeah, okay. I just really like that
she just showed up one day.
We can't get rid of her.
But she's very strong.
And she's got strawberries.
She just always has strawberries.
You want to ask me?
Have you ever questioned where those strawberries came from?
Does it bother you at all?
I try not to think too hard about it.
They're fresh?
They are very fresh.
It is true, you know?
A bear just needs her berries sometimes.
Do you ladies have any other questions
about the mission so far?
But I'm pretty sure.
How much plutonium are we talking about here?
That's a good question.
You know, we've uncovered about five or six shipments
thus far. It's not a lot, but
you don't need a lot when it comes to this stuff.
All right.
So, and like I said, it all seems to be triangulated
back to Stillben.
I think it seems to be the central hub
for where it's been shipping out.
I don't really know, though.
You guys are the brains, am I right?
That's why I'm just the secretary.
Do you have any special equipment?
Oh, well, I am glad you asked.
So glad you asked, Grylls.
You always ask the right questions.
I'll meet you later.
Now, of course.
Swear to god, you're always doing this.
Every time. I'm just loving him.
You know I've loved him forever.
I'm sorry, that's atlat.
That's hot.
He hands each of you all a little pill container.
Now, these are these highly concentrated doses of honey.
You only get one, so use it sparingly.
But if you start feeling a little edgy, Honey, you only get one, so use it sparingly.
But if you start feeling a little edgy, start feeling your bear side to take over
a little bit much, just pop one of those guys
in the back of your molars,
and you'll start feeling calm as a criminal.
Anyway.
That was good one.
See, Grizz likes my jokes.
Always does, that one.
I think Grizz likes your jokes.
See, Midnight Maverick got it.
He loosens his tie and, you know, um.
I was going to get you another honey capsule, I'm sorry.
Who says that's what I want?
We have a different kind of honey capsule, I see.
Oh my!
We've been working a little bit more
on those explosive devices,
those rifles that we've been telling you about.
Boom boom sticks.
The boom boom sticks, exactly.
Are they ready?
We can't fire them.
They are ready.
We only have three, though.
So I'll let you all decide amongst yourself
who would like a gun.
Which one of our bears has the right to bear arms?
I need a gun.
I think that Drew Barrymore
definitely does not need a gun.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't need a couple of people.
We can go ahead and eliminate.
I think you need the bear one.
I agree, I agree. I have very small fingers. It goes with my necklace. Oh, we're driving. I think you need the breadwinner. I agree. We would do very well with one.
I have very small fingers.
It goes with my hackers.
Oh, you're right.
I've got the bread on the trigger.
We've got two already.
Why do you need another one for us?
It's fine, I'm more of a move my fists anyway.
Don't worry about it.
You want to give one to our hacker?
Who's going to be out in the field more?
I don't care.
My daddy taught me how to shoot a gun once,
so I bet I'm great at it now.
After one, I hit it. Whatever it was, I hit it. shoot a gun once, so I bet I'm great at it now.
After one, I hit it, whatever it was, I hit it.
And it went, phew, it was beautiful. I mean, with those qualifications, how can we say no?
Thank you.
Speaking of beautiful explosions,
we also have, this's a little experimental,
we only have one that we feel comfortable
releasing to you all, and it's a magical bullet.
It's a bullet with an enchantment.
Use that wisely.
This enchanted bullet is ten times more powerful
than normal, so you're not getting this one.
I think the Midnight Maiden.
I trust her. She has a midnight mayor. I trust her.
She has a trustworthy face.
We shouldn't.
Fingers, apparently.
Well, that's smart.
It's a bad idea to trust her, but somehow.
Better for picking berries.
See? See?
Berries, they're so good, you guys.
Anything else?
And last but not least,
this little fun one that the agency has been whipping up.
I actually meant to grab a prop for them, but I forgot it.
Damn it, Daxi.
Here, I'm going to...
What is this?
I like to put it as far away as possible from the bears.
Goddamn, these are cool shades.
As you can see through walls.
I actually... X-ray sunglasses. Side note, I have some pretty cool shades at my desk. Somebody wants to grab them,
and whoever wears them can have the cool shades.
Cool shades, yeah.
That way anybody within hearing distance who can make that happen.
I don't know, but there are some that are in the building.
Barney, what's that?
Barney?
Give us some shades.
Come on. Barney! I'm your keep. He's back in the garage. He can hear me? Barney? Give us some shades. Come on. Barney!
I'm your keep.
He's back in the garage.
He can hear me.
Barney!
Go get us some shades!
Off of Drew's desk!
Is he talking to you?
Is he talking back?
All the time.
I don't hear it!
Too much.
All the time.
Is it like a wavelength thing?
It's a frequency.
It's a decibel level that you've got to hear.
See, it is a secret code,
and you said that you got to hear. See, it is a secret code,
and you said that I was being crazy.
No one has ever said that.
Dalin, I believe you tell that to yourself
on a daily basis.
It's okay, it's real.
I agree.
I agree.
I agree with you, too, Claire.
You mean well.
I think our thief needs the cool shades.
I would love some cool shades.
Thank you, my daddy never gave me shades when I was younger.
You get that and a gun?
You know, I mean, if the gun starts to go soft,
you get that gun, all right?
Now, keep in mind.
Fudge.
Fudge shades gun.
What else could we all want?
That's for the thief.
Yes!
Wow.
Those are pretty spy-tastic.
I can see through walls.
Goddamn, those are some cool shades.
There's so many dirty walls here.
I don't know if I like that.
But I'll take it.
You got to love the gifts you've been given.
Bearsley, thank you so much.
Is there anything else we should know?
Well, keep in mind,
since you guys are all members of the Highbearer Nation,
and it is Highbearer Nation code
to each have a glowbear positioning chip
inserted inside of you.
So, I mean, inserted inside of you,
not in the bad way. I mean, inserted inside of you,
not in the bad way.
I had that one time. Oh, then I only have one of those, never mind.
Going southern. What's the problem?
Anyway.
It's very handy, it is very handy.
I'm becoming a little more grizz every year.
As dirty as it sounds,
but if you guys get separated,
you can always turn to the globe-air positioning system
to find one another.
That's right.
Yeah.
Zootalo, that's wonderful.
Yeah.
Ha ha!
Zoot, suit, loo.
Very wonderful.
Oh, and I should also tell you,
of course, normally it would be about a day or so
as travel to still been on foot.
Just kind of not in really the time we have.
So we have one prototype of a thing
that we've been kind of whipping up.
Oh, is this?
Oh yeah.
It's not we, you know.
You know, Gryz. You got it, God.
You got it, you're special, so Gryz might have gotten
a little sneak peek of the blueprints.
You see, we've been investing in a local weapons
manufacturer known as Ripley.
So they've been whipping up something new for us
and he goes, bleep, bleep.
And a
rounded, soft-bodied
coupe car, spy car
pulls up.
It's got kind of coppery,
steamy engines, a part of it
kind of shooting out the back of it.
It's painted this kind of horrible
pinky salmon color
that's a little too fleshy for your comfortability.
You see what they were going for.
It's got racing stripes down the side of it
that break up the very penis-y looking color
that the car is made out of.
He goes, this here is the-
I don't like that, stop that. Like what?
No, no, I mean it.
He says, this is the Ripley model 00 salmon.
Oh.
Ripley, no.
Don't believe it.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Believe it or not, that's actually the name.
00 salmon.
That's where we are now.
Great. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's actually insane. Double insane. That's where we are now.
Great.
If a trustless little baby should get you there
in about an hour.
So can you actually drive this, Chris?
Is this a thing you can do?
I can drive anything you put in front of me.
Any wheel you put me behind, I can turn and steer.
Speaking of.
Putting in front of you.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
What?
What do you mean?
Does it make noise?
It doesn't.
Oh no!
I still love it.
Rear!
Just like any good car, you have to turn it on.
There you go.
Oh!
That is some high-tech stuff there. You have to turn that key. You're really going to turn it on. There we go. That is some high tech stuff there.
You have to turn that key.
You're really good at this.
You can drive a salmon.
That looks good on you.
All right, all right, well don't drive off yet.
I'm just warming it up.
I'm warming it up.
Can we all fit in this ton of vehicles?
So as you hit that button,
that's the music button,
a compartment opens up out of the back trunk,
and a swarm of bees flies out of the car.
Okay, no!
No, and more bees.
Oh wait, what'd you push?
I meant to close it.
Okay, and it closes off.
It just keeps going.
It just keeps going.
I'm sorry, It'll stop eventually.
I don't know, it's a kid's toy.
Professional.
All right, all right.
Question.
Toback.
Question, why does the car have bees?
Well, you know, we thought we would arm it
with some weapons for you guys.
So you chose bees?
You know, it's a swarm of bees.
Honey badgers are very good at taking bee attacks.
I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
It's got a few more surprises,
so I'd be careful as you figure it out
as you get on the road.
Surprisingly, this is not the stop button.
Just keep going.
I thank you for trusting me with this fine ride.
I trust you with anything, Grizz.
I cannot promise that I will bring it back in one piece.
That's okay, it's a prototype.
Can you feel the heat?
It's really probably.
I'm going to need you two to stop.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Fairies and weevils get her home safe and sound.
Don't you worry.
I hope so, honeys.
I think that's all I've got for you.
Oh, I thought you meant me.
Oh, the car.
Well. No, I meant you meant me. Oh, the cards. Oh, I meant, well. No, I meant you.
I meant you.
No matter what occurs, I will find you.
Oh.
I've got your tracking ID.
All right.
I love you.
All right, all right, honeys.
All right.
Go have a good mission.
Any other questions before you go?
Yeah.
Thank you, Barrowsley.
All right, any other? Thank you. Thank you, Bears. All right, any other?
Thank you.
Thank you, Midnight Maven.
Well, we're going to go find this Penny now, I guess.
Anything else we should know about her?
Yeah, I think you'll recognize her when you see her.
She knows how to wield her sexuality.
Yeah.
She's been a... I didn't know Penny.
Yeah. What?
She's great.
All right, everybody.
Remember, stay together.
The Highbear Nation is behind you.
Highbear Nation. Thank you, Bearsley.
We will not let you down.
Thank you, Bearsley.
We'll see you very soon.
All right, and one more quick, I'll do this as Bearsley.
Quick rules dump, since I haven't done that.
Yay!
For those of you.
I love how things work, Bearsly.
Yes.
For those of you who are watching Honey Heist
for the first time, here's how you play.
All of these wonderful ladies have six points,
six points total, and they are now starting with three points in criminal
and three points in their bear stat. Whenever they want to do something, I will decide if
it's more of a criminal thing or more of a bear thing, they will roll a d6 and hopefully
roll equal to or under their current stat. That would be a success.
Above would be a failure.
If a plan is going poorly,
I might say that the bears are starting
to get a little frustrated,
and then they will have to move one point
from criminal to bear.
If things are going well with the heist,
they might start getting a little cocky, a little greedy,
and they might call for them to move a point
from bear to criminal.
You always want to stay in a nice, happy middle ground.
If you get too far into criminal
and you get all six points there, you will go insane,
you will betray the party, you will lose your mind,
and bad things happen.
If you get all six points in bear, you go feral, you lose your mind,
and bad things start happening.
If you are doing anything that is related
to either your special bear skill,
depending on the bear you are,
or the job that you have,
you get advantage, we'll call it,
and you get to roll 2d6 and pick the better result,
probably the lower one,
since you want things to be lower here.
It's almost disadvantage.
Yeah, it's kind of disadvantage,
but it's a little backwards.
So yeah, one is like a nat 20 and six,
even though there's not nat 20s in this game.
Docky Terry land.
Oh wait, oh my god!
I almost forgot.
And he says, oh wait, you don't want to leave,
I almost forgot, without your humanoid attention
translocation supplies, AKA your hats.
Yes! Oh my goodness.
Okay, roll a d8.
All right.
That's going to be a two.
Please be a bowler.
It is a top hat.
Would you like gray or green?
Green.
Mm.
Oh, that is.
The green has got a reaction.
Oh!
Drew Barrymore, roll for me.
Oh boy, oh boy.
You look like a human now.
So you're going to tell the difference.
This human guy. No one ever can.
I also rolled a two.
You get. What did you ever have to you?
There's a classy brigade over here. You get. What did you ever have to you? There's a classy brigade over here.
You get the grave.
How's this going to fit over your,
just like Jocky? I don't know.
There's the detail.
There you go.
Here, let me fix this.
You can help me.
You can put your daisies and your ears on top of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do your ears on top.
Here, take your ears off.
I'm going to groom you.
I will make decisions for you.
How was the game we spent three hours accessorizing?
Yeah.
Sounds like a pun.
Kind of not.
Get in a party.
We didn't know they were there, Drew.
20 minutes later.
Maiden, why don't you roll for me
while they figure this out?
Yes.
Roll one more time, because that's the only hat
we do not have.
An eight.
You get to roll twice, one more time.
A four again.
A one.
Okay, that we will take.
You get the Indiana Jones hat.
Ooh.
It says Bailey on the inside.
Oh!
Oh my god!
I don't know what it's meant to be!
Two over a roll.
Six.
Okay, you get a fat.
Yeah, yeah.
Would you like the super Shriners-y one,
or the plain one?
I want the Shriners one.
Okay.
Question me.
Let's see this.
Wow.
My arm, there.
Wheat.
It actually looks good with your outfit.
Put a four.
It's fancy.
Eight.
Four.
Seven.
You get the crown.
Oh, yes!
On top of the little dove of my head
that you already have.
Real princess.
So I'd say, yeah.
Got my claw cut, hold on real princess. So I'd say, yeah. Got my claw caught.
Hold on one second.
Here we go.
You look like a very cool Southern mom
who's going out for a bachelorette party.
Oh, you be be to it!
I was going to say, you look like you're going
to a Taylor Swift concert for your bachelorette party.
It's fabulous.
She's a really cool mom.
She's not a normal mom.
You look good in that hat.
Double M, full of peanut butter.
Yes.
And being the face,
would you like a fez, a cowboy hat, or a bowler?
Bowler hat.
Yeah.
Gray or green?
Gray.
Matches your outfit.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
That's your brains. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's just the brains.
Yeah, this protects my brains.
You ever seen anything more beautiful in my entire life?
Not too small for my giant head.
You look amazing.
I feel like I'm going to lose weight.
It goes way too big now.
It does.
It's like I've landed.
Okay, with that, you are all suited up.
You are ready to go.
Where did all these humans come from?
I don't know, Tova.
Human me says hi.
Amazing, you even talk like a human.
Claire, you have done this before.
Come on, now. I'm sorry.
Just say it again, girl.
She's really good.
I know you're really good. Do you see your hat right now?
No. It's such a good hat.
Do I look human? You really do.
It's freaking me out a little bit, actually.
It's like, wow.
Wow. Tell them you're Jets.
I'm just saying.
Human. Just saying,
don't worry about it.
All right, you all have your supplies.
You are heading to Stillben.
You have your car.
All right.
This is so exciting. This is nice. You have your car. All right.
This is so exciting. Ooh, this is nice.
The maiden voyage of the 00 salmon.
Do we all fit?
As you all fit, it is perfectly fit for all six teammates,
almost like it was built for it.
As you turn on the car and slowly pull out,
the garage doors open automatically,
and you have nothing but open forest road ahead of you.
Girls' trip!
Yay!
Almost heaven, West Virginia.
Does it have a
It does. I think you can make one.
It does. It is a giant air horn.
This is all pretty much like a steam and coal-powered car.
Yes.
Shining over the river.
I would say turn on the radio,
but I know what happened last time, so let's maybe not.
Well, that was music.
Is there an outlet mall we can stop by on the way there?
I think so, down by Morongo.
I think there's an outlet mall down by.
We can go.
Oh. No, we probably should go.
Look, we have a mission.
This is very important.
Yeah, on the way back, as a reward, we will go shopping.
You can buy whatever you want on me, all right?
I have a company card.
Ooh!
That's your reward.
Should you choose to accept it?
I choose.
You could, but let's wait.
Let's wait for the stealing a little bit later.
You don't want to make business with pleasure.
Well, I mean, we do it all the time,
but you're not supposed to.
I know, but I was trying to help.
It's better if you don't.
It's fine.
Does this not have a GPS?
It doesn't have, yeah, it does.
It very closely resembles the one that Tova has.
The radius isn't too far on these,
so you do get a little bit of the area in front of you.
Tova, you just got to tell me which way to go,
and I'll direct this salmon beautiful thing
in that direction.
Do I need to do anything?
You know you need to head east.
All right.
Oh, look at that.
All right, I'll go this way.
All right. Yeah. Oh, look at that. All right. Let's go this way. All right. Amazing technology.
And you know, being the driver,
that this does have a little bit
of a speed boost option on it.
I think it's right here.
Hit that button.
Hold on, ladies.
Oh my god!
Hold on to your butts!
Woo!
Woo!
All right, all right, all right, all right, please.
It goes into turbo mode.
You jettison down the road.
You just see trees flying past you.
Just flapping about my face.
I put my head out the window.
Where is it?
Where is it?
Grass, grass, grass.
Head inside.
All right.
Head inside.
Ladies, hold on to your hats. I love the adrenaline! Please! Let's go! Let's go! Head inside. All right. Head inside.
Let us hold onto your hands.
I love the adrenaline!
I got this, ladies.
We're fine.
This happens every time, I swear to god.
And you do know that if things get out of control,
the red stop button is a parachute.
Don't do it!
I won't do it.
I got this.
This car has a few more tricks up its sleeve.
I'll let you decide when you want to figure that out.
If it's possible for me to hack into the system
and make it even more sweet.
Mm. Oh.
Roll twice to take the lower for criminal.
Ooh.
Ooh, I got a three. Mm-hmm.
That is successful. Three.
So you know. No, no, you're good.
You're good, you don't have to move anything.
You tap into the system,
and you can see that there are rocket launchers
somewhere on board.
You're not entirely sure which side of the car,
because you don't really know cars very well.
It's kind of Grizzly's thing.
You also know that there is a whole other
kind of aquatic form that this car can take. thing, you also know that there is a whole other
aquatic form that this car can take.
There's a lot of code in there.
It talks about a salmon mobile form.
You mean to tell me we get to have the live aquatic?
No.
I'm here for it.
And you program a little bit more,
being the badass hacker that you are,
and you change the CD console to disperse some honey.
Oh!
Hold up.
I think I've got the program right,
because I can sense honey, so I'd like to.
You can, as a sun bear, you know.
Yes, there's a. She's good.
Listen, you came for me, I didn't come for you.
Yeah, I did.
Wow, that's a lot of coming.
Yeah, it is.
I'm a very talented bear.
If you ladies like some honey.
Is it just pouring out?
There's many, there's many shot glasses.
You kidding? There's many shot glasses.
You're kidding.
There are.
You lift open the console and there's a whole bar set up.
This is a very classy.
Can we all just get glasses
and just get a glass full of honey for all of us?
You can.
Yeah, there is enough and it's handy enough.
They know that you all are all bears on the go, that these have little lids.
They're like little jars that you can go to go cups.
So you each have an extra dose of honey on you.
So now we have two.
You now have two.
We have two doses.
I've always loved that bear stuff.
We've got our Starbucks and our yoga pants.
We are ready to go.
After about an hour or so of travel,
with the turbo mode of the 00 salmon.
He's bound down, loaded up in some grits.
The amazing tunes and country tunes of Grizzly Bear
keeping you entertained along the way.
In the distance, you see Stillben
as you come around the hilly mountain road.
And where am I?
Yeah, you're in Stillben.
That's about it.
So I don't know how easy it is to park here,
so let's just keep circling until we find a spot.
You guys, it's probably, I don't know if they have
a whole lot of these normally.
Maybe we should hide it in the woods or something.
The signs are so confusing.
It says we can't park on Tuesdays before six.
It flies, we should just park it on a roof.
It flies?
It flies?
It flies?
I think.
Well, it swims.
I didn't see any fly bones.
What does the town look like?
It's a very swampy town.
You went through these swampy lands as you got there.
It is a bigger town,
but I wouldn't call it necessarily well-to-do.
It's humble, a lot of wooden cabins,
and it's very much a seaside swamp town.
Lots of shanties.
We have a sea of shanties.
We should definitely hide the car.
A little worn down.
Is there a barn on the outside or something?
Is there a large structure we could park our little?
Kenny might have an assignment.
There is a stable.
We're not sure.
You can go to a stable, or there's some flat lands
kind of on the outside of the town in the swampy area.
There's some kind of marsh bushes.
We could maybe park in the bushes,
hide in a little bit, and walk in the rest of the way.
I also spy with my little eyes a stable.
Should we put her in there?
Do we know if they're trustworthy?
The stable? Yeah.
It's very stable.
That's good.
It's all you need to know.
The horses or whatever.
Oh, the horses.
Think those horses might rat on us?
They might.
Well, it's not because I trust a horse.
There's hay in there.
They think they're so perfect and they are not.
They let humans ride them. It's really weird. Oh's hay in there. They think they're so perfect, and they are not. They like humans right there, but it's really weird.
Oh, I like horses.
Well, as a human,
you're going to have to get used to horses.
Right, as a human.
As a human.
Oh yes.
Usually there's hay bales or something in these stables,
so maybe we could park it in there and cover it up.
Okay, let's give it a shot.
Being that awkward penis flesh color,
it might actually be getting kind of, you know, better.
So you drive up on the stable
and you see there's a few stable hands
kind of going in and out,
but they seem pretty distracted at the moment.
And you kind of go around the back way
and there is a stall.
That's what stables are called, right?
There's a stall facing backwards to the property,
so there's kind of a wall between where the building that they do business at is.
The farm office.
Yeah, the farming office.
We're taking our penis-looking car through the back?
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, you're taking your penis car through the back.
I'm going to go check in.
Is this the time?
I was just asking a question.
I thought it was the time.
A very uncomfortable place.
Don't encourage her.
Sorry, so it was so uncomfortable.
Always doing this.
Before we get out, I would like to look
in the glove compartment to see if there's anything
we might have missed.
Okay, go ahead and pop open the glove compartment. I guess you pop open the glove compartment. see if there's anything we might have missed. Okay, go ahead and pop open the glove compartment.
I guess you pop open the glove compartment.
I pop it open.
You see some daytime opera gloves.
You see a user's manual for the car.
And you see insurance papers.
All right.
It's good to know she's insured.
You don't need to hold over.
You've got some opera gloves.
Anybody's hands cold?
Okay.
We should take them.
Just in case.
Yes, absolutely.
You know what?
Come on, give them to you, Double M.
You all right with that?
I would love them.
Thank you so much.
Anytime, honey pie.
Here you go.
It looks so nice on you.
Thank you.
You very slowly, I'm just enraptured by this, 25, here you go. It looks so nice on you. Thank you.
You very slowly. I'm just enraptured by this.
Back into the stall.
You said you guys wanted to try and conceal it.
Beep.
I start to kick my back legs.
Okay.
Covered with the hay.
Like a human would do.
Go ahead and roll for bear.
Four.
It's such a slippery car, you're not used to it,
and it's so rounded in shape that hay
just kind of keeps sliding off of it.
You're not necessarily frustrated yet, I would say.
Is there like a big stable blanket or something?
Some burlap sacks, perhaps?
Roll for criminal.
As the brains, I'd say you can roll with advantage.
Oh.
That's it.
It doesn't mean agility.
Very smart. Nobody said the brains had to not have butterfish. It doesn't mean agility.
Very smart.
Nobody said the brains had to not have butterfish.
No one said the brains had to be smart.
I know this.
You can just roll your red one again.
Oh, yay!
Yes, so you start peeking into a few of the stalls next,
and you do see a big burlap canvas sheeting
that they use to mat down the area
and you rip it up.
All right, take that and just.
Okay.
Not too bad.
Now it looks like a sleeping horse.
Looks just like it.
Sleep well, double salmon.
Are there any horses in the stable, or is it just?
There's a few at the closer ones.
I imagine two rows of stables.
It looks like it's a very slow time.
They've got maybe two horses right now in the stable.
Not a lot. Slow time for horses.
Vr-vr-vr-vr-vr.
See the way that bitch was looking at me?
All right.
Is she looking at you weird?
I can go get her if you want me to.
Easy there, Maven.
Need me to go punch the horse in the face?
Nope, let's, nope.
We're not here for the horses, all right?
Don't tell her, just respect.
Maven, we're leaving the horses alone, all right?
They do look like bitches,
but we're going to leave them alone, all right?
They flicked their tail.
Nope, ma'am, we'll be on our way.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
I flex a little bit at the horse,
kind of intimidate it.
Yep. Nope.
The horse turns and shows you its ass,
and lifts its tail.
All horses do that.
That's delicious.
All right, we need to leave this stable now.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
I'll give you something to neigh about.
Tova leads you all out.
You stay back, make sure to bodyguard it
and keep a perimeter look.
Okay.
Roll for criminal.
Roll for, I don't know.
Yeah, roll for criminal to see if you notice anybody.
Roll for me.
Oh yeah, I got that, too.
Okay, you see a few kiosks running like a farmer's stand
kind of in the distance.
It is starting to kind of become that sunset-y hour,
like around 5 o'clock,
so it seems like people are kind of starting to pack up.
People are a little distracted just heading home from work.
They're tired.
They're tired.
They're over it. It's a Monday. Yeah. Sucks, man.
I feel it.
Anyway, so we're looking for the Sunset Stride, is that correct?
Yeah.
Well, it's the perfect time for that. Let's go by stroller.
Let's do it.
Walking like humans.
Very normally.
Okay. Do it. Walking like humans. Very normally.
Okay.
I should know how to do this better. Half the time I am a dwarf.
I'm leading the pack, but I shouldn't be.
Yeah, you get it back.
Can I just?
I lead the way.
Yeah, you're the face.
Okay. Face forward.
Go ahead and roll for criminal
to see if you're making a convincing approach. Can I get advantage because I're the face. Okay. Face forward. Go ahead and roll for criminal to see if you're making a convincing approach.
Can I get advantage because I'm the face?
Yes, you can.
And then who wants to roll to try and scout
the Sunset Tavern, or Sunset Stride?
Sure, I'll roll.
As the driver, yeah, go ahead.
I rolled very poorly.
Oh no. Failed.
Okay.
Oh, Snake Eyes.
Ooh. Ooh, snake eyes. Ooh.
Okay, so
Right as Grizzly is like, I think I see a sign that says the Sun sets stride. You hear a guard go, hey!
Hey, is that?
Those raccoons? Oh shit, we got bears! I think we got bears!
And he just takes off running.
All right.
So you guys just go.
I don't even look like humans!
I thought you were so brave!
We don't look like humans?
No, we're going strong!
With my fast little feet, I run after him.
I run up, I run up, and I try and catch him in the butt.
Okay.
No!
Try and catch him in the butt.
Roll for your honey badger, so you have carnage.
Roll twice, and roll for bear.
Okay.
Double floors.
Double floors.
All right, ladies.
Double floors.
As he's running, you miss completely
and you just fly past him and he just goes,
I'm sorry!
See if you can buy his silence with fudge. Oh no! And he just goes, ah! I'm new. I'm sorry! I'm new!
See if you can buy his silence with fudge.
Oh no, would you like some of my daddy's fudge?
He goes, oh, they've gotten in the trash again!
And he starts like, I promise it's good!
He starts going, git, and kicking at you.
Is there a Sunset Stride?
Is the Sunset Stride nearby?
She is currently acting as a distraction
and the rest of you guys are just sneaking around.
Okay, you guys all sneak around.
That was my plan all along.
You're doing pretty good.
Claire, come back to us.
I'll see you later.
Come on, Claire.
Oh, okay.
Roll again for bear as you try to escape.
Roll for criminal as you try to escape.
One. Okay, no. Yeah. Okay. Roll again for bear as you try to escape. Roll for criminal as you try to escape.
One, this one?
Okay, no. Yeah.
Okay.
Ascend!
Oh no!
Claire!
I'm sorry!
Bear bear!
He just goes and punts you.
And you just go flying into the bushes.
I hold my breath.
Unfortunately, this is a little frustrating, And you just go flying into the bushes.
Unfortunately, this is a little frustrating, and you do move a point from criminal into bear.
Oh no!
Oh.
Ooh, okay.
Sorry, guys.
But the distraction did more or less work.
And he has run off, So you are now alone.
I'm going to dust myself off.
Yeah, okay.
I'll dust my face. And Sandra humanly back to the Sunset Stride.
Everyone inside, everyone inside.
Sorry, girls, it won't happen again.
You all make it inside.
I'm sorry, it won't happen again. I'm so sorry.
Let's play with the savages.
It's a pretty slow night in the Sunset Stride. You see a few people at a two-seater in the corner.
You see another group at a booth over here,
a few people playing poker.
And behind the bar is a woman named Miss Honey, sorry.
Behind the bar is a woman named Miss Honeypenny.
And she's dressed like a typical barmaid.
She's got shelf boob going on.
She's trying to go for those tips.
She's got a nice darker complexion
with rich burnet hair that she has piled up
and a big messy bun on the top of her head
to get it out of her face.
She looks over at you guys,
kind of has that look of awareness,
and goes,
around on the bar!
And starts pouring up shot.
Everyone goes,
woo! We sneak around sort of the outskirts of the bar Everyone goes, Woo!
We sneak around the outskirts of the bar,
while everyone is distracted looking in on the bar.
Okay, you're going to go around towards the back?
Yeah. Cool.
Okay, so you slip out, you go around,
you see a cellar stock room,
and there is a small, cramped backdoor entryway.
And it is, right as you go to open it,
she comes over and cracks the door.
Hi, Honey. Penny.
Well, hey there, Honey Penny.
Fancy seeing you here.
Yeah, it's been a while.
It has.
What does Penny look like?
I mean, never mind.
Is she human or is she a beta?
She is human. Okay.
But you know that she shares
similar talents to you,
depending on certain full moons and
moisture in the air.
There's history here and I'm here for it.
We've got to tell you from common.
Yeah, we've bonded in the past over her. They call it?
It is what they call it, actually.
That's what we call it.
For asking. Yeah.
Nice.
Yeah. It went very well.
Good!
What, you and her, or you and her?
You and you?
All of us.
Okay. We're in some time right now.
Well, it's Tova.
Yeah, well, you know.
What?
Come inside, come inside.
She ushers you all inside.
You're all sitting around,
cases of wine, and there's a few standing kegs
and wine barrels that you all prop yourself up on.
So I'm assuming you guys are in town
because of the plutonium problem?
Yep. That's right.
What have you seen?
Well, I mean, see things every night here
and still been, but there has been one guy
that's kind of been calling attention
to everybody in town.
He goes by the name of Crispin Glover.
I don't like the sound of him.
He sounds real spooky.
He's a tall fellow.
He's very thin.
Very tall, very thin.
He's got this greasy, slick-backed black hair.
Would you say he's a clowny clown?
A little goofy, a little weird.
He just seems really convinced on letting people know
he's Crispin Glover.
I think he thinks we're supposed to know who he is.
Is it our density to find him?
Yes, I was waiting for it!
I think he's behind a lot of this.
He seemed like just another wacko
that stumbled in the bar.
And then one night after a few drinks,
he started rambling about some pack of bears
that was harassing him.
So.
I didn't know anything about that.
But he's a human, right?
He is a human.
He's wearing.
Do you have any of these other properties
to make him not look human?
Not that I'm aware of.
I mean, he wears this like really weird black suit,
this like black on black, just all the time.
It's like he's just always in black suits.
That's very Johnny Cash.
Yeah.
Very nice.
Good look, yeah.
It's definitely fine.
When he comes in, is he alone,
or is he with a posse?
He tends to be alone, although I've seen him
look over his shoulder, thinking that
maybe he's been followed.
I honestly didn't think anything of it.
And what's the general response in the bar?
Similar dis-ease and discomfort.
But is every girl in the bar crazy
about this shop-dressed man?
They seem to be driven crazy by his mysterious presence,
but not because I think they find him attractive,
but because they want to know genuinely
why he keeps telling them that he's Crispin Glover.
Confusion.
I know.
I think if anyone has a shot with him,
it's this bear in a fancy hat.
What's his favorite drink to order?
He just always orders whiskey.
Does he have a specific aroma?
Mm, like very expensive cologne
that I've never smelled before.
Mm.
It's not nice and it's not bad.
It smells chemically.
Like it's not,
it's nothing I've really ever smelled before.
Does it smell as if it's more of a body spray
than a cologne?
Mm.
If I knew what aerosols were,
I would think that there might be some of this in that.
Yeah.
Now, Penny, have you been around
Balutonium before?
Up close, I mean.
I think I have, but I've been unaware.
Would you be able to compare the scent of Balutonium
to the scent of this man's cologne?
This is why Taylor is so smart.
She is so smart. She is the brain.
She's so smart. She's so good.
It's actually an interesting point
that I never thought about before.
He did have a strange odor,
but if he had plutonium on him at the time,
I was unaware, but yeah, now that you mention it,
I'd say it's highly likely.
Do you have any idea where we can find this fellow?
Yeah, you know, he's been spending a lot of time
at the docks.
He has this strange-looking boat.
It looks very high-tech.
A lot of steam and copper-powered motors
that I've never really seen.
He's been prepping it for the last few days.
I don't know where he's going.
Where is it docked?
At the docks. At the docks.
Is it nearby?
It is nearby.
Docked at the docks.
Honestly, I could probably stick my head out this window
and throw a penny and hit it. You're pretty close.
Do you have a lot of pennies, Benny?
I do have a lot of pennies.
How did you know? That was a total guess!
Does she do this?
What is that? She does.
We think your eyes, they just gaze right into your soul.
She just knows things.
And then she's creepy.
Maybe to the side of your soul as well.
But if you ask her for a berry,
she always has a berry.
Does the boat have a name?
Not that I'm aware of.
I don't know.
He's been rambling about this pack of bears,
so as soon as I heard that,
I thought it was potentially linked to the Barracuda.
He might be an informant of Hattori Bungos, I'm not sure.
That was my first thought,
was that seems like he got caught up in something that he didn't necessarily understand,
and now he's stuck in a crappy situation.
Do you want to say what color the boat is?
Sweet.
Wow.
It was coppery, right?
It's got coppery implements on it.
Is it also kind of a penis color?
It's not a penis color, no,
but it looks like it was maybe like a steel that they tried to paint,
but it didn't necessarily take.
It seems like it's maybe been on the water a little bit.
Why'd you choose penis color, though?
Like, if you're going to paint something,
why not, like, white?
I don't know. It's weird.
Some people like that color.
Mm-hmm.
Can't relate.
Let's go find the boat!
Let's go find the boat!
Thank you so much.
Thank you guys, good luck.
Hey, Pant! Yeah?
Do you have any honey mead?
Smells good. It's good asking.
She does.
Aw!
Hey, honey!
If you figured it out!
It's good on you to ask about the honey meat.
She pours a little glass for each of you.
Honey, honey.
I always count on you for the honey meat, honey penny.
You know I get it.
Stacked.
Mm-hmm.
You're the best you're on.
I don't know why I was miming having a cup
when I have a cup.
Show your secret.
Okay, I'm going to offer you my daddy's famous fudge.
Wait. Would you like one of these?
Is that the McFuzze's famous fudge?
You're right, Penny. You're right.
Would you like that?
I would love some.
They fudge it up right.
We fudge it up right.
Wow.
If my tiny badger aunts could move some more.
I would give it to you.
That seems like a bit of a flaw for a thief.
That feels a little awkward.
You take what makes you a thief.
That's so dang good.
Oh my god, that's actually really good.
Just get a taste.
I'm having a little sliver of that little soap.
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
That's good.
That's good.
We fudge it up right. They. We fudge it up right.
They sure do fudge it up right.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I apologize. Cheers, ladies.
I feel like honey diet at the moment.
Oh, I understand. It's all right.
It's okay.
Okay, Prynn, is there anything else you can tell us?
If you get into trouble, you know where to find me.
Here? Kind of.
Yeah, here.
Yeah.
Good guess.
Till the bar closes.
I'm really good at this.
What time is it now?
What if we need you after the bar closes?
Probably like six o'clock by now.
So the sun might be going down.
Okay.
That's a bar.
Seeing as we're not the most inconspicuous at the moment,
is there a back alley that you might direct us to?
There is. I'll let you out this back way
if you just hang a right, follow the trash line,
and it'll pop you right back out the back way
where the sewers go.
And do you have, oh, sewers.
Do you have any old tablecloths or rags
we can cover this whole fur in for us?
Just a little bit.
Got a few empty burlap sacks. we can cover this whole fur in for us, just a little bit.
Got a few empty burlap sacks. Burlap sacks? Mm-hmm.
Where we had green and then you got...
I don't want to wear a sack.
I know. Cut a hole in it.
Why would you hide this figure?
I understand that,
but sometimes we need to be incognito, yo.
We've got our hats.
It's only Claire. Do humans wear
burlap sacks a lot?
Beggars do, I think. I don't want to be a beggar, though. We've got our hats. It's only Claire. Do humans wear burlap sacks a lot? Beggars do, I think.
Yeah.
I don't want to be a beggar, though.
We'll blend in.
Well, here.
I was going to throw it away anyway.
You know what, I'll just put it over my shoulder
in case we need it.
All right.
Thank you, Grace.
Maybe we'll need to tie somebody up
and put them in the sack.
That would be cool. That's a good idea.
Yeah.
How many sacks should I buy it?
That's true.
Gotten two, three, one? meh, hmm, meh.
How many sacks did I just get?
She handed you two, we'll say two sacks.
Two sacks.
Two leftover grain sacks.
Two sacks.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Penny, this is a weird question,
but I.
From you?
Yeah. No.
Yeah, actually it's probably a pretty normal question
for me now that I think about it.
Do you have any rope?
There it is.
I don't think I do, I'm sorry.
I cannot get this fudge off these gloves.
Oh. No.
You want to lick it. They are so sticky.
She throws you her farm maids.
Sorry, I was just helping the gloves.
Extra sticky.
Everyone knows gloves aren't for eating. They're for keeping your bear paws off of things.
Wants to leave a print.
You must be the hacker.
I am, actually.
I used to do that a little bit back in my days of the hibernation. I miss it.
Well, you know, it's just like Bear to Pest all over again. I used to do that a little bit back in my days of the hibernation. I miss it.
Well, you know, it's just like Beardipest all over again.
Here we are.
Good days.
Here we are.
Good days.
I tell you, it takes me back, it really does.
They wouldn't understand Beardipest.
She's always going on about Beardipest. You dropped that name on the floor, Reva. You might want to pick that up.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you not have time in Beardipest?
No, you dropped it again. You might want to pick that up again.
Well, you know what else I dropped there? Lots of memories and time that I'll never regain.
That's okay.
Maybe we can knock it back in.
Maybe I can explain to you all the things
that your car does that you don't quite know about yet.
That would be very exciting if you did.
That would probably help the whole crew
and our entire mission.
If you want to take this outside, I got no problem.
All right, girls, girls.
Would you like to bring it down to bare paws?
Because I've got fisticuffs apl. All right, girls, girls. Would you like to bring it down to bear paws?
Because I've got fisticuffs aplenty.
Put your bear paws away.
We are on the hunt for Crispin Glover.
My goodness.
Can I just say I like you.
I like you, too.
I like somebody who stands up to me and makes me feel good.
Oh, that worked out well.
That's what not that many people do, to be honest.
And they're bonding.
Can you feel the steam?
Can you feel it?
I always feel the steam. Goddamn steam, what's wrong with you? I ship everyone, to be honest. And they're bonding. Can you feel the steam? Can you feel it? I always feel the steam. There's no goddamn steam.
What's wrong with you? I ship everyone.
I'm sorry. You got a head full of fudge,
young lady. I don't know
what you're thinking.
We have a look at two of them
and wonder how we ended up on the same team.
I think you and I are bookending it, you know,
and just to sort of keep them in line.
So there's a boat outside.
I think there's a goat.
Do we want to wait till mornatfall?
Do humans go to bed at certain times?
I think we shouldn't let it get too late.
We don't want to, I mean, I guess we're bears,
so we can see pretty well in the dark.
Yeah, you're doing okay.
If we go out to the right and head to the sewers.
It is harder to see shapes at dusk.
But I really thought we were pulling it off.
I mean, there was that one guy, but you know.
Everybody else seemed to be totally fine with us.
I think we're doing a good job.
I mean, do you have any tips to make us look more human?
Please don't.
Honestly, I feel like the more human you look in this town,
the weirder you're going to stand out.
There's some weird people who come through here.
That's a good point, yeah.
Just act like a crazy homeless girl
and no one will pay any attention. I wish I'd taken more burlap sacks a good point, yeah. Just act like a crazy homeless girl and no one will pay any attention.
I wish I'd taken more burlap sacks.
All right, yeah.
Yep. That's all right.
We've got three or so.
That's all the way you say it.
Should we go find the boat now?
Two sacks, I got two.
I was trying to say hello.
Did it work? It did.
It was great.
It was pretty good, actually.
Do we need to go through the sewers,
or can we just turn right and head straight down to the dock?
Just, you'll see a gutter.
Follow the gutter full of shit. That we can do. Dumped down to the dock. Nah, just, you'll see a gutter. Follow the gutter full of shit.
That we can do.
Dumps right into the ocean.
I've done that many times in my life.
And I have no problem with it whatsoever.
That's why you make a damn good agent.
She's okay with shit?
No, because I know how to follow shit
to get to the good stuff.
To the boats!
To the boats!
Cheers, honeys.
Honeypenny, you are a treasure as always.
Thank you for this.
Thank you for the meat, my lady.
After this is all over, maybe I'll come back
and get another drink with you.
Oh.
You know where to find me.
That I felt steam.
I felt steam there.
I did feel some steam.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Strictly professional.
I start walking towards the shit alley, humanly.
Is this the new Honeypenny?
Let's you out, she leans, does a double take,
makes sure the coast is clear,
and lets you all slip out in the back alley.
You do find what looks to be a shit gutter,
where it looks like everyone is dumping
from their buildings, just sliding out.
Look above with your hats. Yeah, very medieval,
a lot of falling poo.
And it seems to do this downhill grade
that pops out right behind the docks.
All right.
Let's go. Follow the shit.
Get to the good stuff.
Hold your nose.
We smell so well because we're bears.
Yeah, but bears, you know, they're used to shit.
Shit in the woods.
There's lots of shit in the woods. It's how you tell us what Shit in the woods. There's lots of shit in the woods.
It's how you tell what people have been eating.
It's what I do in the woods.
How many boats are in the stock?
There's probably about half a dozen boats right now.
There's a couple that are up close
that looks like fishermen coming back,
unloading their supplies.
Fish? There's fish?
There are fishermen, yes, there are fish.
There's fish? There are.
Okay.
Good to know.
Lots of fish. It's good to know.
There's a couple boats that look inactive.
They've been there for maybe a little bit
and no one's really used them.
So one boat that looks a little bit more well-to-do,
like it's more of a socializing and luxury boat
than necessarily a utility boat.
And then you do see one other boat
that has the copper detailing and pipes
kind of coming out the back of it.
It's a little bit tinier, it's got a pointed front.
It's different than a boat
that you've ever really seen before.
Which boat is right next to El Capero?
It's, the copper one is actually separated
and kind of off at the very end.
Is there any cover nearby crates or shipping containers? The upper one is actually separated and off at the very end.
Is there any cover nearby crates or shipping containers?
There are, there's a lot of shipping craters.
Okay, all right.
So I say we sneak close and we hide behind the crates
and try and get a closer look.
Maybe you could use your special goggles, glasses, shades.
All right, so we're standing by some crates, right?
Oh, goddamn, those are cool.
I first look at the crates, because I want to thieve these crates.
What's inside the crates?
The first crate you see, once again, a lot of grains, a lot of fruits.
It looks like it was a general food supply that's been coming from...
It's not a lot of fruits that you recognize.
A little bit more exotic, tropical fruits.
I don't know what that is.
I look at just one more crate next to it.
The other one looks like it has a lot of
like a sulfuric,
you actually are familiar with this
because you have seen it before
based on being in the Highbear Nation.
It is gunpowder.
Oh my goodness.
Well, I just want to break right into that.
Yes.
Roll for bear.
Oh lord.
Or wait, no, you're the thief.
Thief.
Sorry, roll for thief twice.
Or roll twice, take the lowest.
For criminal or bear? For criminal, yes.
Come on.
Come on, Claire, bear.
No!
Double sixes!
Okay.
You go. It's okay, it's okay, gun You go, it's going so well.
You think you can break what looks like a weak point
in the cross braces, and you just go
and you just punch the shit out of this crate.
Honey badger, don't give a fuck!
And you hear a little bit of a crack
and the wood does not move, and your partners think,
Punch something? Do you need help?
They look a little distressed.
Okay, now I look at the bow.
Do you want me to punch that for you?
I'll be fine.
Have you ever realized the actual size of your paws?
No.
I mean, I saw her punch something, and now I kind of want to punch it.
All right.
Can I try?
You can try.
Roll twice, take the lowest.
There's totally good powder in this barrel.
So we have our own.
I also failed.
Oh!
So the rest of you, you first see Claire do it,
and then you see Drew seemingly just trying to follow
the person before her, just also punch
and crack the shit out of your knuckles.
Unfortunately, you're starting to get
a little frustrated at this.
So if each of you will move one point
from criminal to bear.
Oh god.
How heavy is this crate?
Well, pretty heavy.
We're not looking at the crate necessarily,
we're looking at the boat.
So we're hiding behind the crate.
I look to the boat.
See if there's anybody inside the boat.
You don't see anybody inside,
but you do see, through the boat,
a complex steam engine contraption.
Looks a little similar to what you have,
and you also see one small, medium-sized crate,
a shoebox-sized crate, and a few other satchels.
What do you see?
I see some satchels, I see some contraptions
of the boat's interior,
and I see a shoebox-sized crate of some sort
in what seems to be the middle of the boat,
the headquarters.
So I think that's it.
Do I see humans or other such creatures?
You don't see anybody yet, but as this,
at this point when you are looking at the boat,
Tova, your glowbear positioning system,
beep, beep.
Oh no. What do you see?
I don't know.
As you look at it, you see a little red tracker
that is moving across the screen
and towards the docks,
towards the boat that you are looking at.
Type in Crispin Glover and see if it goes to him.
You want to know the word?
It does.
Sure enough, as you type in Crispin Glover
and it goes beep, beep, beep, beep,
you look through the crates and you see
tall, thin man in a dark black suit
just pass through the crates.
He's carrying another satchel and looking a little hasty.
Yeah, you threw the gap in the crates.
He's not moving physically through the crates.
He's not incorporeal.
He just passes by them.
Ghosts.
Especially Christy.
Ghosts and blubbers sounds like a lot of game. I feel like that's what he was born for. True, ghosts. Love ourselves like a lot. Like, look.
I feel like that's what he was born for.
True, true.
Born to be a ghost.
He has a satchel over his head.
He has a little satchel, and he looks harried, yes,
and he goes over to the boat, the steam-looking one,
and he starts throwing stuff in.
That's so aggressive.
Maybe I can seduce him.
You should seduce him.
Yes.
Yeah. What should I try to do?
Maybe just pretend to be lost, and then.
Show you?
Just show him your face, I mean, damn.
Yeah, it's true.
All right, all right.
Use your hips.
I step out from behind the crates.
Okay. He doesn't seem to notice you.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Who?
Who is it?
She's moving.
She's moving.
She's turning.
She's just punched over.
He turns and he goes, who's there?
I move my gloved hand down my side
and turn and wiggle my booty.
Oh!
Yeeeey!
He rubs his eyes, it's getting a little dark.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you here to help me?
Yeeeey!
He moves a little closer.
Roll for face.
Come on, face!
Oh no.
No!
Ladies!
Oh no.
I'm not even on anything yet.
Oh no!
He
gets a little bit closer and goes Oh no! I don't want to see you guys. Let's just go. He gets a little bit closer and goes,
Oh no, more bears!
And he turns and he runs and he jumps in the speedboat.
I chase after him!
Topha's going to run also and chase after him.
Okay, you do get a little frustrated
at this move from one point from criminal to, yep, yep.
He jumps in the boat and is turning it on.
Roll for bear as you chase after him.
Yes!
I jump into the boat with him
and grab him by the collar.
Okay, he feels you grab by the collar
and he doesn't care.
He steps on the gas and he takes off.
Did I jump to the boat before?
Roll for bear.
One, just one this time.
No, I didn't! Shit.
Unfortunately, you go and you're right behind Tova,
and as you make a leap for it,
the boat just goes right out from under you.
It's a lot faster than you anticipated.
None of you have ever seen a boat this fast.
Topha's going to take the glowbear positioning system
and toss it to the shore, to the nearest person nearby.
Bear, the nearest bear.
Probably Maven. Maven, yeah.
Let's roll for bear.
For a bear?
Bear to throw?
I don't know.
Shit.
It goes a little bit wild.
It doesn't land in the water, but it does hit the ground.
Hopefully it's okay. Okay, all right.
You would know from hacking
that the 00 Salmon has an auto-drive ability
that will come to you when summoned.
And do I have a little tablet?
She would have to help you.
Darling, I think it's time to call the bill.
Abso-freaking-lutely!
I pull out the little fob.
You pull out the key fob.
That I've been holding between my butt cheeks.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Because my fur don't come with pockets.
And what do I hit?
Well, the number you're going to hit is
eight, six, seven, five, three,
oh nine.
Sure enough,
vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
It pulls up into the water
and it is in full salmon mode. It pulls up into the water,
and it is in full salmon mode.
It is in the water.
It looks like a fish, but also like a car,
but also like a boat.
But also like a penis?
But also still like a penis.
If you'd like to make it go to the utmost speed,
you need to hit 777-93-11.
777-93-11, all right.
You actually already know the hot button for this,
and if you just hit forward on that shift,
you will get max speed.
All right, who's coming?
Oh, look at this!
Did you grab the thing?
It's a ghost, look at this!
I found it on the floor.
Is it okay?
I hop in the backseat.
Okay, you guys all pile in.
You see Tova and Crispin Glover probably about 500 feet
ahead of you, and they are getting away.
Yeah, right.
Because it works too.
Is he driving this boat right now?
He is driving this boat.
So you've got him in a chokehold,
and he's doing one of these numbers,
so he's swerving back and forth.
It is actually causing him to veer off path
to give these guys time to catch up.
Okay.
I'll try and scare him into not driving the boat anymore.
Sure, roll for your terrify ability.
Do it.
With advantage.
Oh no!
Ladies, we're having a rough day.
We're having a rough go of it.
Unfortunately, you are getting a little frustrated
that this situation is happening.
You need to move a point into bear away from criminal.
I'm going to freaking floor it.
Okay.
You hit that green turbo button and just the fish comes up the front end of it out of the water and it's skipping on the waves a
little bit. You are gaining pretty close to Crisping Lover. I'd say you're probably only 20
feet behind him now. Very close. Come on, Chris.
Get ready to jump to the boat
as soon as we get close enough.
Okay, so you're ready.
Go ahead and give me a driver roll
to see if you can get close enough for the maven to jump on.
And I can do it with advantage, right?
You can do it with advantage.
A three!
Yes!
You see two!
So you see what the maven is trying to do.
You've pulled this cool train jump situation before.
You got it, Mamacita? I'm coming right at you. Here we go.
Right upside.
Frizz pulls around. You see how Crismon is bobbing and weaving, and you time it just right,
and you pull up a side of him right as he's pulling, and you guys are boom, right next to each other.
I just give him a little roll for right as he's pulling, and you guys are, boom, right next to each other.
I just give him a little roll for bear.
Come on now, mama.
Goddamn it, I landed in the water.
Are you serious?
All right, someone hurry, I'm holding on, but I can't
hold much longer.
The maven misses, she's kind of,
you get the boat a little bit, and you fly off the back and you catch a rope,
and you are now flying off of the back
of Crispin Blubber's speedboat.
I'm going to try to lift myself up so I'm skiing!
Okay, roll for bear.
Bear's a bear?
Bear's skiing?
Yay!
The Maven is successfully skiing.
It was a good plan.
You get to move a point from bear back into criminal.
Yes!
What are the rest of you all doing?
Is there any way that I can hack into the system
and make sure that we go a little bit faster?
Yes, roll for hacker.
Hacker, hacker, hacker.
Oh, roll twice, take the lowest.
That's a three.
Yeah. What, you have a three?
Is this what you have in criminal points?
Yes. Absolutely.
Yes! You succeed.
Ooh!
It takes off and you are now kind of in front
of Crispin Glover and he's having a hard time
getting around you guys.
You are successfully cutting him off.
I'm going to start pulling myself up by the rope
to get closer to the boat.
Roll for bear.
Come on, Marilene!
I can't hold much longer.
You're a black bear.
You're good at climbing, right?
Roll twice.
She succeeded. You succeeded.
Oh, but I got a two on that one lower.
This is your specialty.
You were an Olympic climber back in the day.
You climb up on that rope,
and you are now on the back of the boat.
You see Tova having him in a headlock.
He's slender, but he's weirdly strong.
I go to grapple his legs to help out.
Okay, roll for bear again.
Oh no.
He hits a wave, and you bounce,
and you get thrown into the back of the seat.
Drew, I want to continue to try it now.
I would like to use the speed to just slow down.
Start nudging him and start bouncing up against him
in the boat and then slowly start to turn him.
Okay, you successfully do so.
You already rolled really well in that.
You start knocking him and start turning him around
a little bit.
He's looking really freaked out.
And then I continue just to turn in a circle
just to try and get him to slow the fuck down.
While she's doing this, I'm going to pick up Claire.
I'm going to throw her at his face.
Roll twice because you have an advantage
being the muscle.
So I'm going to get, it's there?
It's there?
She is rolling, yes.
Okay.
Yes!
I'm going to roll again!
That's what I'm talking about, ladies.
Have you seen that YouTube video of the monkey
that throws the raccoon?
And the raccoon kind of does that.
So you take Claire.
She flies and Claire, you smack right across
Crispin Glover's face.
You are now, your belly is kind of wrapped around his head.
Roll for carnage.
Two or one?
Two.
Two.
Okay.
Take the better option.
Two.
Two.
You start clawing at his eyes.
He's screaming bloody murder.
You get his right eye and just gouge it completely out.
Can I keep the eye?
You can keep the eye, yeah.
A little snack for you.
About that time, he recognizes that things are going poorly
and he just goes and he hits a button on the dashboard.
Oh no.
And that's all.
Now what?
He's still, he's kind of fighting.
He's fighting clear after he pushed the button.
What does the button do?
Has the boat started to decelerate at all
now that he is totally distracted?
It is, he has pretty much come to a complete stop.
I'm going to continue to,
and then to block his forward motion,
I'm just going to go like that.
Okay, okay.
He is completely halted.
Yeah, he is completely stopped.
And there is a moment of silence.
Come on, Hacker!
I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm running,
I'm running and I'm jumping
and I'm trying to get into the boat and I make it.
I finally make my way onto the boat
and it's all the buttons that I'm trying to,
I don't know if I make it because I didn't roll.
Luckily, the boats are right next to each other,
and they are not moving, so you easily climb over
into the boat.
I'm easily in the boat.
I get over, I start to press the buttons,
and try to figure out what we've got going on here.
The globe bear positioning system is telling me
so much crazy stuff, I don't know what to read.
Okay, you try and hack into his speedboat,
roll for hacker, take the lower one. much crazy stuff, I don't know what to read. Okay, you try and hack into his speedboat,
roll for hacker, take the lower one.
That's a one.
Ooh!
You successfully hack into his boat,
and this code looks really familiar.
You've already seen this code once,
and you recognize it from the double-o salmon,
which you also recognize that this car
has a distress beacon on it.
Oh no.
And as you realize this,
as you look at the glowbear positioning system,
you see beep beep, beep beep,
and you see four little signals start coming your way.
Someone get below and go down.
Look, I want to find the shoebox.
Okay, you find the shoebox.
You try and open it.
It is locked.
Just take it, put it in our boat, go!
I grab the box, I grab the satchels,
I grab everything that I can.
Okay, back to the phallic salmon.
Come on, come on, come on!
I'd like to set off the bees.
Okay!
You reach over into the console and you hit the button
and a swarm of bees erupts.
You successfully come over.
You've got the satchels, you've got the box.
You're still around Crispin Glover's head
as you look up and as you look up
and as you are pretty still distracted,
but you still see as well,
you see what look like four other speedboats
coming towards you, finally breaking in.
This is not good!
I got his eye, let's go!
Come on, come on, Claire!
I'm going to push Crispin into the cloud of bees
and jump back onto the salmon.
Okay, he goes,
No, why?
He starts freaking the fuck out.
He's not having a good day. Someone grab the kitty
before you go!
Can I also?
I'd also like to hit the brake very, very hard
to send Crispin flying off.
Well, he's already stopped. He's already stopped.
He is just in a swarm of bees with one eye,
not knowing what's happening.
Back in the salmon, girls.
We gotta blow this joint.
Okay, you all pile into the salmon.
You take off.
I'm gonna need you to drive faster
than you've ever driven in your life.
You just tell me where I'm a lady and I'm there.
Anywhere but here.
Got it.
Let's go.
You bust forward deeper into the ocean.
You see four speedboats coming right at you.
You hit maximum speed, trying to blow right past them.
They start.
Does this thing have a flying, anything else I can use?
Smoke, oil, something.
We got this rocket launcher.
Oh, we do have the rocket launcher.
Rocket launchers.
You know what I do have?
What?
I've got a gun.
You all have guns, and it does have a rocket launcher.
If you hit forward on that black shift button, which you do, it goes boosh.
And you see from the front headlights, it flips open, and two warheads come flying out.
Oh my god.
They hit two of the boats in the distance.
They go flying.
You see an explosion.
Parts go flying everywhere.
Oil slicks in the ocean.
And you see the two other boats kind of veer away from this to try and avoid it.
Simon Penis, I love you!
Maven, get our guns out, yes. As you guys are now ahead of them, the two boats do a big 180 and are now on your tail as they are chasing you all.
Look at these satchels and this box and see what is in them.
Okay, one second. I rolled up my sleeves. Things are serious now. I look inside the satchel and the crate of stuff,
the shoebox crate, what is it? What's inside?
In the satchel is a bunch of random knickknacks
that look like he's picked up trash off of the street.
He's in gloves.
Yeah, he's super weird.
There is a folded note and another black suit.
It's almost just like a bug out bag.
So I reach inside the satchel and I pull out the note.
And with my bare eyes, I try to read it.
Okay.
Can we read English?
You're a little, you know English a little bit.
Yes.
What you get.
My time at the fudge factory taught me many things. Yes, you know how to put the food safety hazards
and the ingredients on the sides of boxes. I am save certified.
So from that knowledge, what you gleam,
this letter looks like scrawlings from a madman.
It looks like there were coordinates
and algorithms and equations that looked like he was
trying to figure something out. As you turn a page, you see what looks like a diary entry, and
it talks about him being an interdimensional being. What the hell? And then he says, this happens to me all the time.
I get sucked into weird realms
and people keep saying I'm an actor
and no one wants to listen to me
when I say I'm stuck in a creative landscape.
They just think I'm some sort of weird creative genius.
I'm not with any side.
I just want to get out of this fantasy realm.
Get me out.
I've been just trying to avoid the bears.
And it goes on and it talks about more ramblings
about how he's being stalked by bears.
And then he says,
I feel really bad for him now.
He says he can't believe
that there would be such a dexterous group of bears
known as the High Bear Nation.
That's us. Oh my god.
And that they promised him some plutonium and said that if properly used,
it could get him back to his home realm.
The interdimensional plutonium.
So he's working for the High Bear Nation, but that's us.
What have we been called?
Bearsley!
Bersley would not do that!
You don't know, do you?
You're letting your heart blind you to the truth.
It's not my heart, it's my loins, but even so!
Well, same deal.
You mean you're telling me you don't understand what's happening here? We've been double-crossed, and we're the double-crossers.
Is the belutonium in the shoebox?
I look in the shoebox. There is belutonium in the shoebox? I look in the shoebox.
There is belutonium in the shoebox.
There is belutonium in the shoebox.
Ladies, I don't know how to take this.
Are we the baddies?
Are the boats still shooting at us?
You are still heading deep into the ocean, and there are still boats, as you guys are all having this sudden crisis of morality
and realization.
Who is it that is chasing us then?
Is it us or is it them?
You can see as you look.
Let's shoot first, ask questions later.
Always a good plan.
You can't see much features,
but they do appear to be two bear-type individuals
in very nice black suits.
Well, shit.
Hey, Vera, did you see any underwater aquatic feature
to this particular vehicle?
Darling, we've got all the features you need,
you just tell me what you need to go!
Submarine, Mama.
Can we go underwater?
Take this, suck it down.
Come on.
You've already seen this.
A pod, a clear glass bubble comes up over
top of your convertible top.
Boy.
You go underwater.
We're in deep now, girls.
A little thing pops up on the console and says,
five minutes of oxygen remaining.
Oh, well that's helpful.
Everybody calm down. Stop it! Double M!
No.
Nope. Calm.
I'm going to step on Nick!
It's okay.
We're all right.
Oh, no.
Oh, I can talk!
Five minutes of oxygen.
Five minutes. How deep are we at this point?
Not too deep. If you look up, you can still see a little bit
of water.
Double back around underneath these boats.
I think we should double back around the boats and go back.
They would never see our penis car coming.
Never. They won't.
If we turn up the hyperdrive on this boat,
we can get on the other side,
but the only question I have is,
could I possibly hack it in for more air?
Give it a shot, mama.
In the meantime, I turn around
and I start heading towards shore.
Is there another dock? Did we know, is it just one dock, or is it a shot, mama. In the meantime, I turn around and I start heading towards shore. Is there another dock?
Did we know, is it just one dock,
or is it a peninsula area?
Make a criminal check.
Is there a beach?
Oh shit.
I buffed a little bit.
There was a beach.
Two!
Yay!
Drew, you press your polar bear face against,
and being a polar bear, you press your polar bear face against,
and being a polar bear, you are very adept
at seeing underwater.
And as Grizz is turning around,
and you look out the front,
towards the direction you guys were actually heading,
you see some scaffolding poles,
like a structure is actually not too far ahead of you all.
Go for the structured poles thingy, I think we can maybe hide there like a structure is actually not too far ahead of you all.
Go for the structured poles thingy.
I think we can maybe hide there
and maybe get back up above water and have air.
Don't worry, Maven, we're going to get air.
Just keep breathing, baby, but slowly.
Slowly.
Okay, Grizz, you turn and slowly start,
you're not trying to disturb the water
and let your presence known. As you get closer, you're not trying to disturb the water and let your presence known.
As you get closer, you do see these support beams
start making themselves a little bit more clear.
And as you get closer, beep beep, beep beep,
the GPS system has more little tracking dots pop up,
and it looks like it's coming from the structure.
Okay.
Type in bad guys and see if it is them.
Yes.
It just comes up, bad guys?
You know, you'd be surprised.
There's not very many identifiers for bad guys.
Griz, can we take her up?
We can take her up.
My fear is that we come up right into a nest of wasps.
Well, we've got less than a minute left there.
I think we need more information.
Somebody has set us up.
I agree.
Someone in the Highbear Nation sent us here to make us paths. We need to us up. I agree. Someone in the Highbear Nation sent us here
to make us paths.
We need to go up, we need to get here.
We're not that far beneath the surface.
We're about 20 feet down.
We're fine as I slowly start to rise
so we don't disturb the surface.
Fairy slowly start to ascend.
As you get closer, you let the little bubble crest
just a little bit, but you're not coming all the way up.
And as you look up, you all see cresting the waterline,
the top of this building.
It is a giant industrial complex.
It is an offshore military base and weapons laboratory.
And at the top, you see a big sign
marking the entire building that simply says Ripley.
Does the penis have a condom and or cloaking device?
It doesn't, but that is something
we should totally submit to the High Bear Nation
to have input.
I'll write it down for Bear Sleep.
And that is where we're going to take a break.
Wait, do we get air?
You pop it open a little bit and you get air.
Yeah, you're fine, you're fine.
You don't die.
Hey, guys.
Come back.
Come back, I just got to get air.
And we're back and you all suffocated.
Thank you guys for joining us.
Yay!
This is the time of day.
That's rising our fabulous house.
Rhae has farted and we all died.
All right, as always,
we are going to take a quick 10-minute break.
We bears will bear all when we
return.
I didn't have anything left.
That's all I got.
Time to roll for criminal.
You're listening to Honey Heist 3, Tova's Honeys.
If you like our podcast, please rate and review it on whichever podcast app you're using.
Oh, I could barely contain myself.
Back to the show.
Hello.
Welcome back.
Jumping right into this.
So you guys have just emerged.
You pop open the hood. You get a little bit of fresh air
into your salmon
submarine.
Is there
any shelter within
this structure that I can just saddle on up to?
You can go under.
It's like a full-on offshore compound,
so if you go underneath, there's a little bit of room
that you can pull right under,
and you'd be underneath the compound.
Ooh.
I'm going to do that, y'all.
All right. While she's doing that, y'all. All right.
While she's doing that, I'm going to be like,
Claire, Claire.
Yes?
Claire.
Yes, Gru?
Do you remember
back when Tova first found us?
Flashback.
And I got to see you, and remember when we went and saw
Bearsley, and he gave you those really
goddamn cool sunglasses?
He did, I remember.
And remember when Bearsley and the Maven,
I mean not the Maven, but Grizz, yeah.
Things got steamy.
Sorry, I just think about you a lot.
Things got steamy.
It was really steamy.
Do you think Ogierna hit it off?
I think so. Yeah, have cute little cubs.
That would be so adorable.
Because I love him more than anything else in this world.
That's really nice. He just does whatever.
Oh no! You think he's betraying us all?
I think he might be. If he does, I'll kill him.
It's the past, so I don't know that yet.
I will know that as I kill him.
If I were to step into this from where I am right now,
into this current memory bubble floating above my head,
I'd say, you're all crazy.
We've been betrayed.
And I would yell down from the level.
From the future, what do you mean?
And I would say,
well, it doesn't quite translate
into what I'm trying to say, so.
You have a very lovely singing voice, if I might say.
Deep. That was a good memory.
It's profound.
You know, you're welcome.
Before we get out, has the memory bubble stopped?
I want to remember having a nice whiskey while we're here.
Mm.
You feel the scent of the alcohol burning your nostrils.
This is a nice memory, I like this one.
The cold.
A bunch of stand-up gals.
Cold sweat of the glass.
Money, honey, honey, honey penny.
Money, honey, honey, honey, honey.
The glass was slippery. Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.
The glass was slippery. Speaking of the sweat on the glass.
Honey Penny was great, that was all I was going to say.
It's fine. Moving on.
She was great, she was kind of hot, too.
You all, while reminiscing.
My brain buckle's going away.
It's been an honor.
Reminiscing on these wonderful thoughts,
you calm your minds.
You're reminded of the mission that you're on,
its importance, and then it doesn't matter
who sent you on this mission.
It is what you do during the mission
that defines the mission
that defines the mission. Thanks, Vin Diesel.
Thank you.
And you can all choose, if you would like,
to move a point from bear into criminal
because of that flashback.
I would love to do that.
The opposite is totally our bad.
But if we're even, Steven, we're fine, though, right?
You need honey.
You are down.
I'm going to eat a honey?
You're missing a point.
One, two, three, four.
Yeah, no, do you want to move a bear into criminal?
Am I? No, you're good, you're good.
Move it to where they're even.
Oh no, you're not. I lied.
I totally, you're done.
You want to move your criminal back into bear?
Yeah, but I, yes, is that what we're doing?
Yeah, you're getting criminal back into bear. Okay, cool. That that what we're doing? Yeah, you get one more criminal.
Okay, cool.
That's what I wanted.
Perfect.
All right.
After this memory has faded.
Yes.
We're sort of under the compound, in the compound.
You're underneath, you can kind of see it's on like stilts,
kind of above the ocean.
And you look up and it's pretty much industrial riveted steel flooring
that you see. Looks pretty practical. You do see a hatch not far that appears to be locked.
Lock on that.
Wow.
That you can kind of...
The more we go in, the more...
Yeah.
Could we get an idea of where the ping-ping-bong-bong bad guys are.
One of them.
Boop, boop, boop, boop.
The little blips, the bad blips.
You know, the last time I typed in bad guys,
something came up great, so let's just type in villains.
More direct.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
How many are there? Oh, look, a clue.
How many do you see?
You can't really tell.
It's this cluster just right over top of you.
Fuck, there's a cluster?
A cluster of fuck, if you will.
Oh, dang it.
Are we the villains?
Are we the veggies?
What's going on? Wait a minute. Where we the villains? Are we the veggies? What's going on?
Wait a minute.
Is that, where is that location?
Let's not worry about that.
I think it just means that they're right above us,
because we're underneath that stone frame.
Type in us and see if it beeps the same way.
Yeah.
You type in Claire McFuzz and it goes beep beep beep
and points over at her.
Is it in the same place as the other blips?
Pretty much in the same place,
but it singles out one of the blips.
Are we the villains?
No. What has happened?
I still really think it's just because
they're literally right above us.
But they're clustered. That's okay, guys.
They're clustered in a group directly above us.
I think there's a lot of them.
Would it be possible to type in someone else?
You could try.
What in bearsley?
It's a bear positioning system, though.
What in bearsley?
I think we're reading too much into this.
Bearsley?
We are asking this device to tell us
if we are good or not.
I think that's a lot for this device.
Don't understand what's worse to understand. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Bearsley's right above us! this device to tell us if we are good or not. I think that's a lot for this device!
Understand.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Ferris Lees are above us!
And it is in a similar, kind of the cluster,
a little bit away, and in a corner.
Ferris Lees are filling.
It's not close to you, but. We don't know that yet.
She ties it in the hand.
Ladies, I don't believe that it's us.
I do believe. Thank god.
That we've officially been double-crossed.
Do any of us have a saw?
A saw? We have a gun.
We got two guns and a magic bullet.
I have a saw.
Do any of us have a saw? I can see through walls.
Oh, put on the glasses and see if there's people above us.
Okay.
I didn't put on my glasses.
I look up, and I look up straight.
You see two water port ways
that are a little bit open that looks like the floor
can basically move and be sectioned out
and make space for boats to come in and park.
Ladies, I see two water ways that can make space
for our penis contraption boat.
And you see a ton of crates.
Looks like general stock and supply.
You see one guard, one bear in a suit.
A bear in a suit.
I can punch him.
Standing near the edge of the wall,
what looks like a door that he is guarding.
All right, ladies, I think we need to get up there.
I think I can punch that guy.
Which one of you can pick a lock?
Can you pick a lock?
She can pick a lock and I can punch him.
I think we should pick a lock,
and we should go up there and we should punch him.
Because we're a bunch of goddamn bears.
This is a really good idea.
We're goddamn bears.
And we've been double-crossed.
We've been double-crossed.
So what's the plan? What do we do?
We punch the villains. Go up to Pearsley and we do? We punch the villains.
Go up to Paisley and punch him.
Or wait a minute.
Here's the thing. If we just go
in there and start accusing,
you're gonna blah blah blah, then other
people might say, well, you're blah blah,
and they'll kill us. So maybe we need
to keep our cover of doing
what B. Bersley wants
until we actually determine whether or not
we use the Buck and Billet.
I'm with Gryas.
I think that's a good bet.
And then we turn on him and eat them all.
I'm double with Gryas.
I hate a liar.
I do, too.
I just want to punch you in the shoulder.
What's I ain't thinking, though, then?
All right, French.
What are you thinking, doubling?
So we're not going to kill this guard?
We will kill him.
There's a lock.
That goes without saying.
There's a lock.
But just when we get up, if we do find,
do we give him the plutonium?
What do we do?
We need to just not run in and jacuzzi,
I think that's French, for stuff, you know?
We blew up his people, right?
All we know is that we followed Crispin Glover
and fucking got what we were supposed to get.
And that's all he knows that we know.
This thing is actually telling us
whether or not somebody is a villain.
I just think they're telling us
that there's somebody there.
While they're bickering.
I go up to the lock and pick the box.
Tell us who the bad guys are.
What can we tell for Chris?
I would like to say that's the hacker of the book.
You kind of scutter up and you kind of use the half dome
that's still there from where it's in salmon submarine mode
and you kind of ride on your tippy toes
and you start trying to pick the lock.
Go ahead and roll twice.
See how this goes.
For criminal.
Yep, see how this goes.
Oh no. Two or lower. We're criminal. Yep. See how this goes. Oh no.
Two or lower.
We are driving the same way.
One.
Oh shit.
Finally.
Yes, finally.
While they're bickering and they're going back and forth,
you just quietly get up there with your comb
and your fork that you found and
and a hatch opens up.
Ladies, not to be rude,
but let's get the fuck inside here.
And I scurry up inside and wait for them.
Let's follow the thugs, girl.
Still, don't blow our cover.
Don't blow that we know at this point
when we get up there.
We played dumb.
We've completed our mission, okay?
So I'm punching this guard, not dying.
Yeah, that's fair.
You feel pretty good about that,
so you get to move a point from point to criminal, or from bear to criminal. I'm watching this guard, not yet. Yeah, that's fair. You feel pretty good about that,
so you get to move a point from point to criminal,
or from bear to criminal.
And everything else, but right now,
let's get rid of the guard and put it all in the same place.
Let's put this, the lepsackle rim,
and then punch him in the face.
I like the way you think, Maven.
Gosh, you're so great.
So you all scutter up the side of this hatch door.
You have a few shipping crates and containers
that are blocking your way.
You all stealthy crawl up, peek around the corner,
and you see a guard maybe 10 feet facing away from you.
He's a bear in a suit?
He is a bear in a suit.
He's not really facing,
so you guys are peeking around a corner.
He's facing sideways. He's a bear in his suit. He's not really facing, so you guys are peeking around a corner. He's facing outside. He's a bear
in a suit who can be seduced by another bear, perhaps?
But burlap socks.
Lower burlap socks.
Would that have started with a seduction?
I'm doing a side crease.
And I seduce him into putting it over his head.
Oh yeah.
Perfect. The bears are into that.
Mm-hmm.
I think that this bear might be.
I double am on that.
Quick clarification, were we doing the one bear head
on top of each other as we poked around the corner?
Yeah, definitely.
It's the beep, beep, beep.
Okay, cool.
With little Claire on top.
Just wanted to make sure.
Okay, I'm going to seduce the shit out of this guy.
Okay, do it.
I'm going to be close by. You're this guy. Okay. Do it. I'm going to be close by.
You're a sleek black bear.
Yes, I am.
And you've just come up from a beachy speedboat mission.
So your fur is a little glisteny.
Her fur is so shiny.
Just dripping.
You've got your hat.
She spills a little water as you peek around the corner.
I run in slow motion over to him.
He just turns and goes,
How does she do that?
She's like, wow.
It's because she's French.
Bonsoir.
I spit as I say it.
He wipes his cheek and,
Ugh! Okay.
You must be one of our foreign transfers.
Oui.
You're new here to the Ripley Outpost
with the Highbearer Nation?
That I am.
What's your name?
Bear.
Sorry, I'm not good with foreign languages.
I'm just going to butcher it.
You forgive me if I may.
Can I just call you Bea?
Of course you can.
Well, I'm Grrylls, Bear Grylls.
It's wonderful to meet you.
You know where I am from.
It is customary to you.
To put a bag over your head.
So I can kiss you. put the bag over your head? So I can kiss you.
Put a bag over my head?
Oui. She's got this.
So I can kiss you through the bag.
Oh.
It is a custom of my people.
You want to just kiss me without the bag?
That comes after the bag.
Okay.
Roll for face.
It's so great!
Twice, because you have advantage for this one.
You're good. Yes!
Oh my god!
She pulls through when it pouts.
He goes, I certainly wouldn't want to be
disrespectful to the customs of your nation.
We're very welcoming here at the Ripley Outpost.
And he puts the bag over his head.
All right, I'm going to run up
and I'm going to punch him right in the face.
He's starting to lean forward and he goes,
Do you, should I, and right as he's doing this,
roll twice.
Oh god!
For muscle.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Boom!
He just gets cold cocked, and he just crashes
onto the floor and is out cold.
Yes!
Tova catches him from the ground
and gently sets him down.
We should live with him.
Yeah. Do we have rope? Can we open up one of the crates and put him down. We should go with him. Yeah.
Do we have rope?
Can we open up one of the crates
and put him inside of it for chance?
You could absolutely try to do that.
I take off one of my gloves
and I tie up his hands with a long glove.
Okay.
Oh, with the underground.
SMRT.
Put him in a crate.
What?
You all get to take a point in criminal
because that was going quite well for you.
From bear to criminal.
All of us? Sorry, these two ladies.
Sorry.
Drew and the Midnight Maven.
Maven, I hope that one day you'll teach me
all the wonderful arts of burlesque.
Bear-lesque, if you will.
Wow.
You don't need any training.
Amazing.
Gryz, you look over and you do find an empty crate
that looks like with maybe assistance,
you could push the lid off and throw this guy in.
Tova, can you help me with this?
Yeah, let's do it.
Come on, let's push this thing up.
Together it's pretty easy.
Fall right over.
That's good.
In you go, buddy.
Dump this sucker in.
And I just punch him once more in the face
just to make sure he stays asleep for a while.
All right, well.
No!
Sleep well.
She's working through some things.
Her boyfriend betrayed her.
It's battle efforts. It's battle efforts.
No, no, no, no!
I don't know.
Dang it, look at me in the eye!
Okay, all right, focus.
Let's keep going, come on.
Okay, you go over to the door.
Simple steel door, but it does have a latch lock
with a little mechanical, techy,
maybe enchanted key lock.
Sounds like a hacker's job.
Farewell.
Should we look inside first with the goggles?
Yes, let's see what the hell we're doing.
I put on my goggles.
I look inside the wall.
What do I see, OBM?
You see a long hallway that stretches down
with two stairs ascending on either side,
and it looks like another room adjacent to this doorway.
Any creatures, any people?
You see a couple of bears on the other side in the room
that is adjacent to this one.
You don't see anyone in the hallway.
Are they bears in suits?
They are bears in suits. You see two of them.
Okay, great. Ladies, I see some bears in suits in some hallways and pathways and such.
I think it's worth going into. I think it's worth hacking into.
Well, where does bears live?
Do you think you can do an umbralis lock and get us in there?
Hmm.
Pardon me.
You are pardoned. Can you tell me what this looks like a little bit more?
Give me a little detail on the system.
It looks like there is some sort of
paw print indentation.
Oh, we got to get the guy out of the crate.
We'll go get the guy from the crate.
It looks like there's also a latch that opens up
and that you can enter a code if you,
well, this has a thing and you code.
If you can't do this, you can overwrite it with a code.
Does that make sense?
You know those latchy things.
Don't really work that well.
Right, so you can.
When your fingerprints don't work,
you got to use your eyeballs.
Wait, you have that guy's eyeball?
You have Crispin Glover's eye?
I have Crispin Glover's eyeball.
I don't know if Crispin Glover's been cleared
at this facility.
You know what? Amazingly, you hold the eyeball
in front of the scanner.
It's been dried to my fur
because it's bloody.
Like one side,
it looks like it's trying.
It looks like he did have clearance,
but he was not cleared
for a single eye entry.
He needs both eyes.
So I go back, no, I'm just kidding.
All right, I whisper to the eye,
I'll see you later.
And I put it back in my satchel.
Forgive me.
Continue your hacking expertise.
It's up to you.
Because we can go back and get that guy in the crate.
We better hurry, he might wake up soon.
Listen, I never go anywhere unprepared.
So you see this.
I do.
And then you see this.
Yeah.
You ever heard of sound technology?
No.
Talos.
You probably haven't because I just made it up.
What?
That was a lot.
The thing about paw print scanners is the fact that they respond to sound, but you have to be very, very precise with it.
Okay, okay, okay. I'm into it.
You gonna smoke it?
No, darling. I'm gonna make the sounds.
Each one of these is a singular code,
and I have to do it as quickly as possible.
All right.
Nossi isus
we.
She sounds like an angel.
She is. Amazing. Did it work?
I think it did.
Roll twice, take the lowest.
What?
Natural one.
Natural one.
Sure enough, like magic,
the reverberations hum in the indentations
of the paw print.
I just got to do this.
Bam. That was nice.
That was a successful plan.
You get to move a point from bear to criminal.
It's hard out here for a bear pimp.
You peek around the door,
three heads on one side, three on the other,
looking down the hallways,
and you see those stairways that Claire saw
through the glasses, and another door
directly across the way.
This one does not appear to be locked,
but you do know that there are two guards on the other side.
All right.
Should we clear Spursley?
How many people, how many bears are in that room?
I think I saw two.
I think I saw two bears.
I wasn't sure if they were in the same room
or on opposite sides. Can you tell sure if they were in the same room or on opposite sides.
Barra, can you tell us if Bearsley is in that room?
From what I see, Bearsley's behind the wall.
You see that he is kind of in a corner,
but appears behind you, kind of.
You can't necessarily tell since the GPS is a bird's eye view,
what level he is on,
but he does not appear to be in the room in front of you.
Maybe we should go upstairs.
We should all be on alert.
Should we split up?
No! Never split the group.
I think that's a really bad idea.
Actually, I think that's a great idea.
Definitely split the party.
Tofu's got good ideas, y'all.
I mean, I'm not, we don't have to do that.
You are just brains, you tell us what to do.
Let's choose one, see if we can go up.
I think that's a great idea.
Well, now I'm just not confident about it at all.
I believe that as the brains, you ought to take those two.
Can I use my brains to figure out
which staircase is most likely to lead to Bearsley?
You can, roll for brains.
You're smart.
Yeah, absolutely.
Kind of just peeking up and around the staircase
to your right, you can kind of see that it looks like it's
a dead end.
There is another room this side and this side,
but there doesn't appear to be a hallway that goes further.
When you peek around the stairs to the left,
it keeps going and loops around.
All right, let's go this way.
We got to find Bersley.
We got to get the truth out of him, whatever it takes.
Let's go. All right.
Okay, you head up the stairs and you go around the corner.
As you head up,
there is a glass door with glass windowing
that looks like it opens up into a very large
laboratory room.
Oh shit.
There does appear to be a locked,
almost like vault door directly to your left,
almost like a locked storage room
or like a locked, you know how banks
will have a locked information type of situ, yeah.
Off to the side.
So there's glass.
One glass door with glass windows,
and you can see. Are there people inside?
Can they see us as much as we can see them?
There does not appear to be anybody inside.
When you look at your globe air positioning system, you do see one flashing beacon from
deep inside.
He looks to be in the big laboratory room.
Is it fair say or is it just a dude?
You can't see him from where we are.
It's dark. You can see, it looks like half of the lights
are on towards the front of the room,
but the room goes pretty far back and falls in shadow,
and you can't see past it.
Is he the only one in the room?
You only see one beacon in the room, yes.
And is this beacon a bear beacon?
You assume so. I think we should go in the room, yes. And is this beacon a bear beacon?
You assume so.
I think we should go in.
I never say.
What about the vault? There's a locked vault.
So is there a door in which to get into the lab,
or is the vault the door to the lab?
There is a door to get into the lab.
Yeah.
Like almost, once again,
kind of like those clear glass hospital doors, almost.
But not locked.
It has a simple lock on it,
similar to what you guys have already discovered.
Since you've already hacked the one downstairs,
you already know the code to get into this one,
so this one has already been unlocked.
Can I just inspect the laboratory equipment
to see what exactly, are they working on something chemical?
Are they working on?
You're just going to peek through the glass?
Yeah.
Roll for criminal.
Just once.
Oh. I see nothing.
Can I use my bear snoot?
My.
Your bear breath is just foggy as day.
You're like, guys, I think they have a fogging system.
You don't know.
Seems kind of foggy enough.
I use my bear sense of smell to smell,
if I smell the familiar scent that I would know
from Crispin Glover of Balutonium.
You can. Roll for bear.
He'll be right next to his neck like for a while.
You do catch faint wafts of this
highly radioactive honey compound.
It's a little sweet, but a little,
it burns your nostrils.
Can I tell which direction it's wafting from?
You can just tell it's coming from the lab.
It's probably in that vault.
Now I can sense honey, darling.
What?
Yes. Wow.
Is plutonium honey, or is it something else?
Technically a condensed, crystallized form of honey
that is highly explosive.
So yes, you also confirm that you can sense
a strong amount of plutonium coming from the laboratory.
I put on my glasses.
What did it do?
I look in the vault like I should have 20 minutes ago.
You look in the vault. What can I see?
You see what looks to be documents.
High priority files.
A few more weapons.
We got to get to Nott. We got to get those.
And you see, sitting on one of the shelves,
something that looks useful.
Ladies, I don't know what I see,
but my gut says we need to go through that vault, though.
Does it look really useful?
Looks real useful.
Open it, use your lockpicking skills.
Shall we go into the lab laboratory?
We should go into the lab first.
Everyone be on your guard.
So the vault is outside the lab.
Yes.
Should some of us try and find Bersley and subdue him?
I mean, we won't be far. We'll all be in the same room.
No, no, no. That's real far.
No, go to the vault first.
If there are weapons in that vault,
we all might need a weapon,
because we all know how good Bersley is with a weapon.
Then we just need to be really quiet.
I believe it might be a good time
to make sure that all of our loyalties are aligned.
Who's here with the hibernation
and siding with Bosley, or Bersley,
if he's not on our side, and who's with us?
Don't you look at me, Mama.
You know I'm loyal to no one but myself,
but if someone betrays me,
I don't care how hot their salmon car is,
if you know what I'm saying.
Understood. I know.
I'm with Greas. I'm with Greas.
I know you do.
Look at that face.
Aw, yeah.
I mean, I kind of sleep at the Highbear Nation,
but I can probably find somewhere else to sleep
at some point.
It'll be fine.
I might be homeless now, but it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
It's cool.
The Highbear Nation is lying to me.
They're going down.
I'm going to take them down.
This has been my everything.
If Bersley is crooked,
he's about to become a lot more crooked.
Because, oh.
I will punch him for you.
I will punch him for you if you need me to.
I will do that for you.
But there is, we understand where you come from.
We get it.
Look, ladies.
I don't know what the hell's happening down there
or up there or anywhere at this point.
All I know is that I swore an oath.
If that oath is broken by the people I swore it to,
there's nothing that I won't do to make sure
that that oath breaking will be never broken again
with any oath that'll ever happen in an oath time.
You know what I'm saying?
I think I follow.
I mostly understood that.
I did not get any of that.
Pause in, pause in, pause in.
For the honey.
For the honey.
Honey.
For the honey.
We make a little less awkward than the first time, yeah.
Let's make a pact to each other. All right, we get out of this alive
and then we figure out where we go.
All right.
It's a good pact.
I like it straightforward and simple.
Sure, why not?
Works for me.
And if we die, we die.
But we die together.
A good pact.
I don't really want to die, personally.
Let's make a pact.
We don't die. We win.
We get the thing. Thing.
And we go.
That's our pact.
No one is going to die.
Y'all, this is disturbing to me.
But if we do, we carry on.
Why are you talking about dying?
Let's make another pact. I walk up to the vault
and open the door and go inside.
I don't know why you would.
She would make the pact or leave the vault.
The leader has spoken.
Let's go to the vault.
Claire. You have to leave an O.
You walk up to the vault.
And I'm like, I'm going to leave this nonsense open.
You see an old-fashioned combination lock
in front of you.
Old-fashioned combination lock.
Do you want to know what my high school locker was?
How many?
I'm going to match your number.
How many dice do I roll against this lock?
You roll two dice.
All right.
Three or less.
Yeah.
Come on, daddy.
Three!
It takes a little bit, but you put your ear up to it.
You're keen, honey badger hearing,
hears the clicks and the tumblers as you turn it over.
Click, ta-doo.
It is unlocked.
You go to turn the wheel.
You're too weak.
I come up behind her. Is this the vault,
or is this the lab? This is the vault.
Oh, yeah.
My tiny badger hands are too small.
I just lift her up, and I just put her on my shoulders.
Can I pout just a little bit?
But I'm happy it's happening.
You're doing great, you're doing so great.
And I roll for muscle.
Come on.
Pound.
Two! Yay!
Come on.
Your polar bear biceps just turn it with ease.
And then you push, but it still might be a team effort.
I jump in, too.
I jump in, as well.
You're all as easy.
Your little bear paws skitter against the steel floor,
but it opens, and you are all in.
You are all successful.
I'm going to go and find that useful thing.
All right.
I'm going to look for the weapon.
I look for the interesting thing.
Yeah, Tova should do that.
Off the shelf.
Tova, you immediately go and you find
the Bomb Diffusal Manual.
Oh, that's a new one.
Imagine why we would need such a thing, but.
Grizzly, you see a small crate.
Kind of got padding in it.
It's got three little egg-shaped pods in it.
Oh yes!
You know, I lived in, well, that's another story
for another time.
These are fireball grenades.
What?
Oh, heck yeah.
Well, I've got a gun, so I'm good.
And Bera, your sun bear,
keen, honey-scent, spotting nose,
looks down and finds a small vial filled with what appears to be honey,
although it is a dark blackish purplish ichor-like color.
Rare black lotus honey.
Oh, that takes me back.
What's that for?
It takes me back, but I don't quite recall.
I've been along those nights, it's okay.
None of you are quite sure what it does.
It's most of my life.
Two days ago, but don't worry about it.
But the name sounds amazing.
Okay, what is the bomb manual?
That's a wonderful thing, hold on to that.
That sounds great.
It's quite complicated.
It seems to be describing some kind of bomb that is very difficult to defuse. It's quite complicated.
It seems to be describing some kind of bomb
that is very difficult to defuse.
These are the instructions of Absolutely Necessary,
let's hope not.
But I think that means that there's probably a bomb nearby
and that we should probably defuse it.
That is what I'm getting from this with my bare brains.
You're so smart.
I make sure there's no one coming down the hallway and make sure no one's following us, so I keep a lookout. Okay. I'm getting from this with my bare brains. You're so smart. I make sure there's no one coming down the hallway
and make sure no one's following us,
so I kind of keep a lookout. Okay. I'm a lookout.
I'm a hub of brains, so I'm a lookout.
I'm gonna be near Claire
to B-Muscle in case
something like that happens. Actually,
I want to look and see what,
like, there was, like, a bunch of paperwork and all that,
like, important documents. I want
to, like, take a peek at that and maybe see if we can figure out maybe who betrayed and all that, like important documents. I want to take a peek at that
and maybe see if we can figure out maybe who betrayed us.
Okay, roll for criminal.
Also, you all who participated,
which was, I guess, you two in cracking the vault.
Roll one for criminal.
I was going to say move a point from bear to criminal.
I'm going to also eat some honey while I do this.
And you move a point from bear to criminal. I'm going to also eat some honey while I do this. And you move a point back.
Yes.
Sorry, I was going to say that earlier.
And things kept going.
Yeah, we should all have three.
We should all have three honeys.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm trying to roll. So yeah, if anyone wants
to eat honey and move a point from criminal to bear,
you can.
All right, I will do that.
Okay. Okay, I'm going to bear, you can. All right, I will do that. Okay.
Okay, I'm going to look at this paperwork.
Oh no, I did not.
I would've gotten it if I had kept that one, but.
Yeah, unfortunately, you don't really know
what you're looking at.
You pass it over to Tova.
Can you read?
Maybe not.
Okay.
I'm struggling. Tova,, can you read? Maybe not. Okay. It's fine. I'm struggling.
Tova, roll for brains with advantage.
Yeah.
Yes, you definitely succeed.
You look and you see blueprints, inventory,
receipts, correspondence back and forth.
They all seem to be building some sort of weapon,
like a warhead.
Like a bomb? Like a bomb.
There have been a few iterations of it,
they're testing it out.
You also see blueprints for the 00 Salmon.
Oh no!
As well as blueprints for what looked like
Crispin Glover's boat.
Oh no.
As well as guns, a few other things.
Are there any names on any of these documents?
Any messages from one bear to another?
There are a few sign-off signatures
that look like someone needed to give approval
for some of these shipments,
and they all seem to be under Bearsley.
Oh no!
I see where she is.
Girls, I'm afraid it's what we thought.
Bersley's the rat.
This is terrible.
I need to hear it from his mouth.
What if Paddington is Ridley?
We need to find this warhead,
and we need to defuse it,
and we also need to find Bersley
and get the goddamn truth out of him.
Maven, no! Maven, no!
Maven, no!
What's wrong, what happened?
Nothing.
Maven.
Maven?
I think I know who Paddington is.
We've never actually met Paddington.
What if Paddington is Ripley?
Oh, shitballs.
This is so much bigger than ourselves!
That's all right.
What do we do?
Fucking take it down?
Well, Bersley is in this lab,
and presumably the warhead is, too.
We should find both of those things.
Well then, let's go say hello
to the man with the red bow tie.
Bera, where is Berslie?
Well, you know, it looks to me that he is
beyond the wall, towards the back of the room
in the laboratory.
Beyond the wall, towards the back of the room
in the laboratory.
What if you type in Paddington?
Can we do that?
Yeah.
I never thought of that before.
Nothing coming up for Paddington.
What if you type in RIPPY?
Is Paddington real?
What if Paddington is just Beardsley using a fun record?
And nothing coming up for RIPPY.
What if you type in shitty backstabber?
We already found Beardsley. Same place as Bersley.
Yeah.
Betrayer of everything we hold dear.
Look, if Bersley's the only one
who's ever seen Paddington,
maybe they're the same person.
Maybe there is no Paddington!
I've never seen Bersley in the same room as the speaker.
That's crazy talk.
This is madness, I tell you, madness.
I don't think it's crazy.
I know crazy, and I don't think that's crazy.
It has been my dream to meet Sir Paddington in the flesh,
and now I just guess I got to find another dream.
Would it not be in the fur?
I don't know anymore.
Is he even a bear?
Yeah, we don't even know.
We're jumping to a lot of conclusions.
Let's go find Bearsley.
Let's go find Bearsley.
How about we go jump our foots up a couple asses?
I like that idea, that's a good plan.
Let's go be a bunch of goddamn bears right now.
Put out my gun.
All right. Oh shit.
I also pull out my gun.
Bears with guns.
I pull out my fists.
You're all totally armed.
You exit the vault.
You peek around the little pocket hallway that it's in.
In there, right before you, to your left,
is the door to the laboratory.
It is already unlocked,
because you've already hacked the system.
You all can go right in.
Should we judge in screaming?
Nah.
I think we need to be classy.
Yeah, I think we should walk in real cool.
Yeah. And have a line that we see.
All the honeypot is cracked.
Ooh, that's different. Something like that.
I'm workshopping it.
No, no, no, you should say that.
You have a better idea.
Okay, okay.
Try it.
Yeah. All right.
Here we go.
I'm sorry, Grace.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
My heart is kind of broken,
but my heart needs to find answers.
So I just say we walk in calmly as a united front
and see what that son of a bitch has to say
before I rip his face off.
Yes.
We could do both.
Stomp a mud hole for Gryas!
Let's go.
You know what they say?
Bears before bros.
Bears before bros.
Bears before bros.
Bros.
Bears before fucking bros, y'all.
Okay, let's go.
We walk in.
You all.
Push on the door.
Walk in slow motion.
Oh.
Dun dun dun.
Ticka-dun, ticka-dun, ticka-dun, ticka-dun,
ticka-dun, ticka-dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
You flip your hair.
You have a nice flying V formation.
Grizz, Tova.
Slow motion.
Tova, say the line.
Looks like this honeypot is cracked.
Oh!
That was really cool. That was good.
Sorry.
That was really good.
Sorry. I don't like that.
The Midnight Maven, Claire McFuzz,
Drew Barrymore, and Baraposit.
You see before you vast, open room.
Few consoles on the side walls,
flashing lights, LEDs,
creating a dimly lit glow in the stark interior.
Alone in the center of the room,
you see a platform suspended from the ceiling
by thick industrial cables. On this platform, you see a semi-translucent
cylindrical device emanating a faint glow of its own,
with a mess of wiring protruding from its center.
As you peek a little closer,
your eyes adjust to the darkness.
You see, through its translucent body,
pulsating marbles of sheer energy.
This is a metric fuckton of plutonium.
Shit.
And it is rigged to blow.
Oh no. Shit.
Is there a timer on it?
You see a little screen, but it appears to be dark.
You see a small light, just blue,
nothing much to it at the moment.
So it's rigged to blow, but it's not necessarily
active. It's armed, but not active.
Is Beaersley in the room?
Take a moment. Should we find him?
You look down.
Your glowbear positioning system
is the only sound in the room.
There's a beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
and emerging from the shadows,
once again, is Bearsly.
But this time, he is in a giant mech suit.
No!
No, Bearsly!
This shit.
With a strap across it.
He's got a strap on.
Yeah.
And engraved in steel lettering,
says the Ripley P5000.
He says,
Oh, hello. That's a lot of P.
He says, hello, honeys.
Surprised to see me?
How could you do this?
We were surprised 20 minutes ago
when we found out you were betraying us,
but this is a lot.
Yeah, you know, I thought you guys might figure it out.
You did.
So what was your plan exactly?
Were your patsies that you were going to stick this all on?
Limping patsies.
No.
I just wanted you all to realize
how much I do around here
and how underappreciated I have been for years.
Oh for fuck's sake!
This is a bad experience!
Seriously?
God!
Seriously?
I'm not about to be tearful.
The attention-grabbing thing I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, you look like a nice tie.
Are you that fucking fragile?
Is that why you have a bow tie?
Who are you?
Seriously.
I thought you guys would be more intimidated by this.
All right, look.
I have been a puppet for Paddington for years.
Nice face!
I'm basically his glorified assistant.
I'm the brains of the entire operation, and what do I get?
It's just, hello, Bearsley, hi, Bearsley,
see you later, Bearsley, while we go on an amazing adventure.
It should be me running this organization.
Well, maybe next time you should book yourself a trip.
I did.
You are, though, you are running the organization.
I don't understand your logic, like, at all.
It's all under Paddington,
and he will never appreciate me.
So, that's why I started developing the Blutonium,
using the laboratory funds,
and dispersing it across the entire continent.
That's why we're not getting paid.
Have you ever met?
Why?
So why do you want to build a bomb?
I want you all to come and work for me.
Couldn't you have just asked us?
We have been working for you!
I want the organization not under Paddington!
It belongs to me.
Have you ever met Paddington?
Yeah, a couple times.
Oh, yeah.
What's he like?
I mean, is he a good looking guy?
I can't tell you that.
You're telling me you can call the meeting
to ask us to work for you?
You're in a mechanical thing,
but you still have loyalty to Paddington
to where you're not even going to tell us what he looks like?
I'm sorry, I'm under a contract,
and I deeply respect contracts.
Fuckin' NDAs.
Percy, you're the only thing that I really hold a value.
Type in asshole and see what comes up.
I bet it's going to pop up on him.
Yep, yep.
Well, what do you know?
I've got an asshole detective in my presence.
Look, you guys don't know what it's been like, okay?
And I know the source to all the plutonium
and how much plutonium is out there.
Yes, as a bunch of lady bears,
we have no idea what it's like to be underappreciated.
Cry me a fucking river, motherfucker!
Seriously? You picked the wrong crowd.
You know, this felt like every other bad guy's situation
in every other story, so I thought it would hold different.
How'd that work out for them?
Well, can we drop the act?
Why don't you just take that suit of armor off
and just do something that makes sense?
Like, you know, apply for another job
or ask us to join your organization.
Or start your own agency, if you should talk to him about the fact
that you feel underappreciated.
You're all confusing me!
This is what I'm talking about!
And he goes, boop, and hits a button.
Oh no!
And he hits another button on his mech suit
and he goes, figure this out,
and then we'll see who's the smartest,
honeys, and he jet packs through a trap door in the roof
and then.
Wait for it, wait for it, it's coming.
And then.
Is this gonna be long?
She's gone and she left us. What? Yes!
Oh my god!
What?
No!
Oh my god, I can't!
Oh my god, it is male fragility.
It is male fragility.
We need all the brains here.
No! There's a timer!
The bomb will cease to function
if it has 12 or more of its wires removed.
Okay.
To make it more difficult to hack,
the wiring is on a rotating circuit.
Utilize the spinner to determine which wire color
is safe to remove.
For each melatonium marble that falls,
30 seconds is removed.
More than three marbles fall.
Okay.
Just make choices.
Red wires.
There are fewer red wires.
We got to pull a red one.
Wait, but be careful, we can't.
Since you have a hacker in your group,
I will allow you one re-spin.
Oh, that's good.
Okay.
So you have to pull 12.
Yes!
I don't understand how this works. I need you to pull 12. Yes! Yes!
I don't understand how this works.
I need you to pull slowly with the red wire.
I'm only muscle.
Yes, good, good, good.
If more than three marbles fall,
there are fewer red ones, so we can't, okay.
Wait.
Go low.
Go low.
If more than three marbles fall,
a 60-second timer starts.
All right, okay.
We just have to pull 12 wires.
Okay.
Red. That's good, that's good, that's good.
The red ones are the best ones to pull.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Oh god.
Red! Yes!
Most bottom. Most bottom is either here or there.
Red is not good.
No, red is good.
You sure? Red is good good. No, red is good.
You sure? Yes.
There are fewer reds.
Yes!
Holy shit!
Are there others on that side?
Yes, there's two on my side.
Oh, no, there's one now.
We're losing all of these reds.
Green.
Okay, we're going high, right?
Go high, go high. Six, you are halfway. Ooh, we're going high, right? Go high.
Six, you are halfway.
Here!
You pull it.
I'm going to push it to you.
I don't know about this.
Ooh!
You're good, you're good.
You're good.
Mulligan!
Low, go for low.
Low is?
The green isn't very low.
Okay, that's good.
Good, good, good.
Four more.
Yellow!
There's a bunch of really low ones.
This one's really low, too.
Green!
That's one, y'all. Which one, Grizzly?
That one.
Nice!
Green!
We're getting too confident.
No, it's okay.
How many left? I think two more.
One, two, three,
four, five, six,
seven, eight, seven,
eleven, twelve.
We did it!
Oh my god.
Poof.
It completely turns off.
I can't believe that that actually is the meme.
That's why you're the brains. That's why you're the brains. That's why you're the brains.
That's why you're the brains.
That's why you're the brains.
Matt and I play tested that like 10 times
and it never went that well.
Because Cosmo's an idiot.
You, with a combined team. That was really fun.
That was really exciting.
It was like, cool. That was really fun. It was really exciting. It was like, it was so cool.
Thank you.
With a combined team effort,
you all managed to successfully defuse the bomb.
I will allow you, if you want to move a point
from bear to criminal, you can, but you do not have to.
Because I remember so well.
I was a lot of moral support for that,
so I will stay where I am.
My bear instincts that were leading the way on that one.
It was pretty good.
You just knew what to do.
It was pretty fucking amazing, I'm not going to lie.
Ladies, that was amazing.
So what are we going to do about Bearsley?
Yeah, he's gone.
Yeah.
Should we search the lab?
He went through the roof in a jetpack power suit. You guys do look up, and the trapdoor is still
open. Maven, with your climb ability, you can see that there appears to be a pole that goes about
halfway, and it looks like you could almost get a detachable ladder to drop about halfway
down to climb up to the roof, if you would like.
All right, Maven, it's up to you.
Should I try to climb up there?
Yes, please.
All right, I'll give it a go.
You get advantage for your bear stat.
Fun fancy.
A three, that is a success.
Absolutely, you, with no problem, just do that bear climb, like, up a tree.
Just this? Just like this.
She's so impressive.
She's so impressive.
There you go.
And you manage to kind of hold on,
and you reach over, flip open a latch.
Come on up, all of you beauties.
There's a ladder to the roof.
She's amazing.
She's the best. Water woman.
Climb up. You climb up.
You guys all ascend up, and you see that you are in the middle of the ocean, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. You can barely see land.
Can I calm the phallic of Saman?
I'm fine.
But we're on the water.
It goes vroooom, and you look over the edge, and you can look down, and you do see
that it is right below you.
Okay. But it does not fly.
How far down is it?
We got a ride, at least.
Three stories.
Can we still see Berserk in the sky?
As you say that,
he flies up in his jet pack
that he's kind of trying to control.
I pull out my gun.
I'm going to shoot you.
Can I hack into his parachute?
Pull out my gun.
Oh, no, magical bullet.
Magic bullet.
Do it.
Magic bullet.
Do it.
Okay.
It's your shot.
Everything.
So you all aim your guns, all three of you.
Including, you got a gun, too.
You got your grenades going.
Maven, you kind of put your rifle on the edge of Grizzly's shoulder.
That's right, Mama.
And you kind of use it for balance.
And you're going to blow that gun
using that one last shot, see what you can do.
He's kind of...
It's a roll for criminal.
If it fails, maybe we can release more bees.
Ooh!
Yeah!
It goes wide, the gun explodes,
it burns the edge of your hand as it backfires.
Get it out of your hand, come on.
You guys, you got little fur singes on all of you.
The shot goes wide, and unfortunately misses.
He goes, and about this time,
jetpacks don't hold a lot of fuel,
really only like 30 seconds worth,
and he did not gauge this well, so.
He's not that great.
I don't know about how his own.
He just duck flails on the edge.
Can I call the car to the surface?
You can.
Are there more bees in the car?
Bees?
Bees.
The bees fly up.
They are swarming in almost a planned hive mind
type of formation.
You want me to go after Bearsley?
I do.
Ooh, he is completely surrounded by bees.
He just starts screaming,
oh, why did I install that feature?
I was being funny!
I would like to jump onto the roof of the car.
This could be crazy.
You're going to jump three stories?
No, we're way up on the roof.
You're on the roof, the car's below you. I can't fly.
No, is he, has he fallen onto the roof?
He's on the roof in front of you all.
Okay.
Kind of in his power suit, like a turtle,
kind of a little stuff.
How long does the detonation?
Do you think you can hack his armor and get it to?
How long does the detonation, I mean,
how long does the fireball take to detonate?
The grenade?
It's instantaneous.
It is? It's like a grenade.
Yeah. Okay.
Well, a grenade's like 10 seconds.
Yeah, so we just throw it and then like...
It's like a firecracker. It's a magic grenade.
It's a magic grenade. It's on impact.
Yeah. Okay.
Do we want to blow him up, or do we want to, you know...
I want to question him. Hold him accountable.
We only realized that the only reason that he did this was because he felt underappreciated.
I'd like to hit this button and make a poll.
Well, now these bees are appreciating him,
so I hope he feels good now.
I think he feels very great.
Clearly that was what he was after.
I personally would feel way better if we took him back
and turned him in.
Currently being stung repeatedly by a swarm of bees.
It's kind of cool to watch.
I'm enjoying myself right now. What do you want to do?
You want to make him drop wire?
Well, I'd like to make him drop down right to where we are,
but I want the bees to come. He's already on the ground,
right? He's already on the grass.
He's on the roof with us.
Yeah, he's in front of you guys.
I was thinking if you want to blow him up,
I'll just shove a grenade in his mouth and I'm fine.
I think I can make that happen.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, that could happen.
Yeah, this is really more on you.
I feel like this needs to be your decision.
Maybe you can make out before you...
He's not the first bear I have loved,
nor will he be the last.
I can take the stinger to 30.
Well, what do we want from him at this point?
We could take him back and maybe meet Paddington.
But there's no guarantee of that.
So what have we done?
We have neutralized the Bomba.
So what do we want to do? We've solved the mystery.
We have solved the mystery.
At least it was just him
and wasn't the entire Highbear Nation.
I mean, he was the entire Highbear Nation.
Yeah, where do we stand right now?
I say we blow him up. How many of us?
I think I personally want to see him blown up.
I can't tell if we've won or not.
He had his villain speech, he had his last moments,
he broke your heart.
I say we fucking blow him up.
I think he deserves to be blown up.
Wow.
Would that make you feel better? No, what would make you feel better?
No, what would make me feel better?
What?
As if he wasn't a fucking asshole?
He wasn't a fucking asshole, I understand that,
but if we blow him up, then what do we do?
We do have evidence of the bomb, which is fine,
but is our end game to meet Paddington?
Because if it is, then somebody needs to take a picture
of us doing this, or it's just like,
you know, all of a sudden, there's no evidence,
and we go back to Paddington, and he says,
why did you kill my main operative?
I don't think we should kill him,
I think we should restrain him.
The bees are heavily stinging him,
so he's, I don't know if he's allergic or not,
but it's not pleasant either way.
I could put him in a bed. Oh god, it hurts so bad.
Yes. Oh god, why?
Restrain him and listen to your complaints.
Let's get this contraption off of him,
because if he's got a strap on, it could be loaded.
You never know what's happening.
Could we have the bees pull him up onto the,
I'll just, can we make the bees go away
and I'll just pull them up onto the roof itself
with us?
So the bees eventually disperse.
I'll like grab him by the scruff or something.
He kind of in his mech suit sits up.
Grizzly, as the driver, you do recognize a lot of this
kind of mechanical contraptions and if you want to try
and get them out, you probably do that pretty easily.
Before she does that, I want to look him in the eyes
and kind of, but off to the side,
not really looking him in the eyes.
I'm trying really hard.
And I want to say, look.
You're really good at that.
I know that you and I haven't really had a lot of conversations,
but I kind of live at the building.
What I'm saying is that if you fuck us right now,
I will punch you in the face.
Okay?
Don't move.
We're going to get this thing off of you.
Okay.
And if you move, I will punch you in the face.
Okay.
Okay.
Cool.
He's all yours, Chris.
Just hold on to him.
In fact, take an arm, each of you,
and hold him by his legs,
because I got to take this thing off.
Okay.
Each one of you, one takes an arm,
one takes the other arm.
You should have grabbed him by the hair.
Half of you takes the other legs.
He's completely restrained.
Okay, I'm cooperating.
Taking it off.
Okay.
I would like to check for traps.
No.
Can you, my darling, wonderful Barrett,
can you just look and see whether or not
there are any triggers or anything else
that would potentially cause a self-destruct mode
of going boom and blowing us all up?
Well, that's what we were going to do to him anyway.
Yeah, I know, but we're all close to him
and I don't want to blow up with him.
So you want me to type in booby traps?
Wow. Yeah.
If they're just sitting nearby,
that might be a fun time.
Yeah.
He definitely has some pretty dangerous things
attached to this, some more of those
homing missiles that you guys had on the 00 Salmon,
but nothing that seems like it will explode
when you take it off.
I just maybe wouldn't, you know.
However, can I perform a hard reset on his suit
to ensure that there's no damage that comes to all of us?
Sure, yeah.
Skills.
She's really good.
She just typed in hard reset.
He is still locked in, though,
so you'll need to get him out of that.
Okay, I would like to take my Allen wrench,
which I brought with me.
Nice.
Really is a handy tool.
Second only to duct tape.
Save Matt Damon's life on Mars.
Must be good for something down here.
But I do have an Allen wrench.
Yeah, you, with that Allen wrench,
you know this equipment pretty well.
You easily get him out.
Oh, step on out of your harness of strap-on.
Oh, bearers' leg.
Pull him out.
Keep on.
You know, I'm really sorry, girls.
I thought, um.
Women.
I'm really sorry, very respectable agents.
You're right.
I was wrong, and I thought that I had to do something extravagant and cruel
to garnish your respect and attention.
But you asshole, you had our respect.
You're really dumb, and I'm saying that.
I thought you were a snappy dresser and pretty cool. Yeah. I thought you were like a snappy dresser and like pretty cool.
Yeah.
Like I respect you a lot less now.
I don't understand why you would do this.
You had our respect.
We followed your orders, even though they came,
they were Paddingtons, but even so,
you asked us to do things.
You asked me to do things, and I did them for you.
And I hope you know that my actions today
don't change the way I feel about you, Grizz.
Even though I got a little-
That's too fucking late for that, though.
Yeah, you're right, I definitely tried to kill you.
I kind of convinced myself.
Do you think?
Yeah. Huh?
I guess I kind of-
It kind of breaks the romantic thread
in our relationship when you try and kill us.
Yeah, you're right.
It's still steamy, though.
It's still steamy.
You know how you're the innocent part
of the victim when we're the ones
who had to deal with your abuse of power.
No, I'm not saying I'm innocent at all.
I kind of lost it a little bit.
You see, ladies, I've been at the Highbare Nation
for 10 years.
That's the second time.
Get out of the job.
Slippy system.
So what, no more room for promotion?
It seems to me you're second in line.
I guess I just always felt
like I'd always be a number two.
Well, you are a number two today, my friend.
You've acted massively like a steaming pile of number two.
And if you're number two, then what are we?
I mean, it's like, Jesus, man.
Get a hobby, pick up a camera, do some photography,
figure out another way to fill this hole in your life
instead of trying to kill us.
Don't do that.
Love is beautiful.
I have very little sympathy for you.
Like, why are we even talking you through this right now?
I don't care how you feel.
I don't care about your feelings.
All of this Balutonium, that was you.
Yeah. That was you.
You killed Crispin Glover because of you.
Is he dead?
I pull his armored pack away from him at this point.
Okay.
Honestly, I didn't expect,
I didn't foresee a man's murder.
That actually kind of-
He pulled his eyeball out of his face.
He's probably dead.
Definitely dead, yeah.
He's fine, he's cooking.
He's a blooder.
He doesn't look like he has a lot of blood
in his body anyway.
I'm sure he doesn't have a lot to-
He's a warlock, I'm sure.
He did keep saying he was an interdimensional being.
I just thought he was a crazy homeless guy.
Maybe killing him sends him back
to where he's supposed to be.
Right, exactly. Maybe so I'm free. That's thought he was a crazy homeless guy. Maybe killing him sends him back to where he's supposed to be.
Right, exactly. Maybe so I'm free.
That's a little wiser for the worm.
Or starting a new civilization
where Crispin Glover takes over
and brings everyone to subsmise.
We might have doomed the entire universe.
That's true. What the hell are we supposed to do?
Next time on Honeymoon.
I say we take him back
and let Paddington deal with him.
I say we take him back.
I say this mission is in the bag.
Let's put him in a bag, then.
I agree. We have more sacks.
You guys don't?
I'm not saying.
Okay, okay.
You put another sack over him, like halfway down.
He's a tiny bear man.
Kind of gets a little.
Bend your knees!
Okay.
I poke him. I poke him in the butt. knees! Okay. I poke him.
I poke him in the butt.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm feeling him very well.
I push him over.
I got the bag from underneath.
Yeah.
And I just tie the top of the bag,
throw him over my fucking shoulder.
You guys take him.
Your proof, your treasure, everything.
Yes, yeah, we got the documents.
We have the Balutonium.
You all get back in the 00 salmon.
You head back to Stillben, drive across land,
back to the headquarters of the High Bear Nation in Shadow Bear, Shadeboro, in Shadeboro.
It's a real place.
I like Shadow Bear.
Shadow Bear.
It's way better.
Too many puns.
Bear side.
Yeah, Shadow Bear is their borough in Shadeboro.
Yes.
And you report back.
Paddington hears of your deeds. You get pulled in.
Yay, Paddington!
Well, thank you, honeys!
Hi, Paddington!
Hi, Paddington!
Hello, honeys. I am saddened to hear of this treachery from Bearsley.
We are too.
Never thought it could come from one of our own at the High Bear Nation.
It was just him, right?
It wasn't like a bunch of people.
It was just him?
Absolutely.
You're not secretly Ripley, are you?
Who?
Oh, you mean that wonderful woman that we've been making a trade deal with.
I feel like that relationship has gone quite well.
How did you like your Ripley 00 salmon?
Well, it was very nice.
I've got to tell you, that was one heck of a ride.
Yeah.
It was real nice.
You've got to change that color, though.
I don't know about that.
Yeah, I agree.
Hmm.
Notes on color.
Got it?
Yeah.
Anyway, I appreciate you all coming to aid for the hibernation.
I believe Bearsley should take a little bit of a leave of absence on my account.
Therefore, I shall need a new number two.
Tova.
If you would like the position, I would love to meet with you face to face.
30 more seconds down.
We were a lot closer than I thought we were.
Wrap up the epilogue quicker.
I like that the bomb is just still here.
It's still like, we carried it with us.
More cheering.
Everyone be careful.
Your revelry will blow us all up.
Please don't.
Anyways.
You all have been granted raises and higher status
at the High Bear Nation,
titles of which I did not make up.
Question.
But we'll come up with later.
Can I have an actual room
instead of just sleeping in the gym?
Who are you?
Don't worry about it.
Who's that talking?
Is she authorized?
She is a fine agent, maybe the finest among us. Her eyes will never look right at you, but they always look into your heart.
I'm going to cry.
I put on my goggles and I look through the wall of Paddington.
Is he just behind the wall?
To see if there is anyone behind the wall.
You simply see wires
and speakers. Damn it, Paddington!
You're so good! You're so good!
Damn it.
Tova,
I will be in contact
for our face-to-face meeting.
In the meantime, thank you, honeys.
It has been a pleasure.
It's been an honor, Sir Paddington.
Thank you, Paddington.
Thanks, Paddington.
Girls, I couldn't have done it without you.
You're the finest group of honeys
a girl could ever ask for.
Congratulations, Dovan.
I'm so happy for you, You deserve this more than anyone else.
It's true.
You got to take a picture, though.
You got to have it on a little camera pans or something.
Do you think you'll take a selfie with me?
I'm just really excited.
I bet it's going to make you sign an NDA, though.
No scene of fight.
Take the picture before you sign it,
and then just take it. And you just run. Press transmit and they'll see the fight. Take the picture before you sign it, and then just run.
Just press transmit, and just send it to me.
And make sure you ensure that Bersley
doesn't get his job back.
Oh, absolutely, oh my god.
Secure that position of power.
I can't wait to say, hello, Tova,
instead of Bersley, because you're going to go away forever.
You can't wear no fucking bow ties, though.
Oh no, never.
No, I'm not a bow tie kind of bear.
No.
You're a vest kind of bear.
I am a vest kind of bear and a bowler hat kind of bear.
I like the bowler hat.
I like it, too. Do you think it works?
It's becoming.
Oh, thanks.
A bear coming.
A vest kind of bear in the best kind of way.
No, that was transcendental.
I could see the moment over. Be the best you can be.
I start to smoke B+.
I smoke a tiny cigarette in the corner,
and I watch everyone enjoy themselves, be friends,
and I give a little wink to nobody.
As Tova says, as Tova and Grizzly
have their conversation about being the best you can be,
B+.
That is the end of tonight's episode of Honey Heist 3.
Tova's honeys.
And the adventures of the agents of the Highbare Nation.
Oh man.
Thank you enough, please.
No!
Yeah!
Ah!
I played this game when I was a kid.
Isn't that a great game?
It's great.
Kerplunk!
Kerplunk! Kerplunk!
I had to, when I was trying to remember
what this was called, I was like,
marble stick ball drop game into Google,
and it was like, oh, kerplunk.
It was really bad.
These instructions were very great.
It was very terrifying.
Until we saw what it was.
And then I was like, oh, okay.
What was the red thing?
I couldn't get my head around that.
It just meant that the red wires were less likely
to make balls fall.
Is that true?
No, that is the opposite.
I think that's the opposite.
There were, basically, there were the fewer,
there were six red ones, eight yellow ones,
and 10 green ones.
So the red ones were the base.
But in a fucked up way by pulling them all up front.
We got lucky. Yeah, we got lucky.
Yeah.
If you pulled from the top and bottom,
then the red ones would have been
basically the last remaining.
I spent way too long putting the red ones
very strategically.
We did it huge at the waist. So we engineered the red ones very strategically.
We did it huge at the waist.
So we engineered the haircut.
We did.
It was fascinating hearing the,
are they the most important or the least important?
I don't know.
We were very fair.
We were bears with sticks.
Bears with sticks.
Amazing.
That was so fun.
We led agents. Thank you. We lead agents.
I know!
No one went full bear or moved.
No, you guys actually stayed pretty much.
You never moved.
You succeeded at everything?
I never, yeah.
I would've said, no.
I had three honeys and I was this close to being like,
I eat all my honeys and I go berserk.
Like, if we ever needed it, I would've been like,
just go full bear.
That's when I can just attack everybody forever.
Yes.
But unless I just fucking wailed on Bersley
for a long time.
We were pretty chill about attacking people.
Yeah, you were pretty.
What was great is we just disarmed him verbally.
You said you did. It was just like, you're pretty good. What was great is we just disarmed him verbally. You said you did.
It was just like, you know what?
I was like, I'm deeply interested
how that one's going to go.
Kind of amazing.
You shamed him.
It's like we fucking shamed him.
I didn't really.
If you just worked with us, we would've been cool,
but you were a dick.
You were a fucking asshole.
You were a gris, that's fucked up.
Why are you so mean to her?
Gave us a competitive offer,
we could've negotiated our terms,
I need to have it cracked down.
Talk to us.
Piece of shit.
But like, every, I was like, bad guy archetype,
complaining about power, being second in charge.
Like, no, that's good.
Yeah, that's good.
But I loved all the James Bond stuff.
Oh my god.
It was so fun.
Honey Penny.
That was so funny.
Honey Penny.
Inspired.
Double salmon could be, of all the puns we came across,
like that defines this game.
It's definitely the same.
Crispin Lover was the one who took Hyde in the car,
only to immediately call the car to us
like five seconds later.
No, no, no, we walked down to the docks.
We did some damage on the docks
and got on the boat before the car.
I was legitimately concerned about people finding us
and stuff like that.
That was the worst.
Town, they could have stolen our car.
Right?
Good show.
No, we hid it very well.
Burlap sack is not good.
I was afraid those horses
were going to fucking rat on us.
They'd be clinging on and cloking to that.
Every burlap sack is boom, and it's gone.
That's so good.
Good night, everybody.
Thank you all for joining me.
And maybe next time on
the prequel
I don't know
I'm making this up as I go
don't quote me on this
but we'll see you next time
bye
we love you Paddington
flashback
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Tova's Honeys on the Critical Role
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