Critical Role - Hubris! A Darrington Brigade One-Shot sponsored by eBay Live

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

After 24 straight hours awake, Sam Riegel takes the Game Master’s seat to lead the Darrington Brigade on an unhinged adventure across the skies in the maiden voyage of Exandria’s largest skyship.   Game Master: Sam Riegel   Players: Ashley Johnson Laura Bailey Liam O’Brien Marisha Ray Matthew Mercer Taliesin Jaffe Travis Willingham   Character Art by: Aviv Or | https://www.instagram.com/avivorartist/   GFX: Ben Lyons Producers: Kirby Winslow, Ashley Middlebrook and Glenn Akers   Due to temporal, logistical, and legal requirements; these auctions are only available for US residents during our April 22nd livestream from 7pm PT through approximately April 23rd at midnight. All purchases will benefit the HNC Living and Pablove Foundation.   BEACON We’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord.   YOUTUBE MEMBERS / TWITCH SUBSCRIBERS Twitch Subscribers and YouTube Members gain instant access to VODs of our shows, moderated live chats, and custom emojis & badges: https://www.youtube.com/criticalrole/ https://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hello, you wonderful listeners. It's Sam Riegel and welcome to the Critical Role Podcast Network. We're so grateful you're here and thanks for joining our adventure. If you'd rather listen to the full episode right when it comes out and without any ads, consider becoming a Beacon member. You'll receive access to exclusive content, discounts at all our online Critical Role shops, exclusive presales to live events, and so much more.

Start your seven-day free trial today at Beacon.TV. Great. Now that we got that squared away, let's dive into the story. Welcome to a very special Darrington Brigade One Shot, sponsored by eBay Live. If you love the thrill of discovering something truly special, you should check out eBay Live. It's a real-time shopping experience where you can discover and bid on exclusive finds, everything from rare trading cards to vintage fashion, all alongside knowledgeable sellers and a passionate community of collectors. What makes eBay Live so fun is that it's interactive.

You can connect directly with sellers, chat with fans around the world, and experience the excitement of live options as they happen. It's great. It's good. And with eBay's built-in protections, you can shop with confidence while enjoying the energy of the moment. Yes, that's right. Energy, it's a punchline.

So if you're ready to dive in, explore unique items, and maybe even win something amazing. amazed, check out eBay.com slash eBay Live to join the action. Thanks to eBay Live for sponsoring not just this episode, but the whole friggin' day. We've been here for 24 hours and we are still raising money for two wonderful nonprofits, HNC Living and Poblove. So if you want to bid on some wonderful items for a good cause, head over to Bitley slash CRF auction right now. And there'll be lots of bids going out throughout the game. I've been up for a long time. So, Apologies if I if I math wrong. No excuses.

Unacceptable. Pretty much all of my characters get a plus five everything. And that's it. I don't I'm not doing math and if you make me do math disadvantage. You are a Twin Peaks character. This is the Black Lodge. Also other rules for tonight if I I don't know something, Matt, please just tell me.

Tell me the answer of what the creature can do or whatever. I'll think about it. With all that, let's get into tonight's, let's get into tonight's episode of a critical role. We're live, baby. That's it, we're just up? We're up. Okay.

What? Yeah, we didn't do that. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. I had a week as Middlebrook as we start. All right, I'll paint a picture. Oh, also Middlebrook, I'm not doing any of the buttons.

You just take care of that. That's quitter talk. You're just running my breast stuff. Maybe music or something I'm just gonna do peaceful. Wait, can I come over? Yeah, we're doing it. You're doing it. Ooh, look at the lights.

Oh. Okay, right. Did something change? Shut up, Ashley. Here we go. Vomit. Vomit. Spueing from the retching mouth of Terry and Darrington,

world-famous adventurer and author, alumnus of Voxmachana and leader of the Darrington Brigade, he is vacating the contents of his stomach all over the floor while his robot manservant Doty rubs his back. Terry intones the robot, wiping the corners of his mouth. Tarian sniffles and says, Do-Dy, take this down. I, Terrian Darrington, am perfectly capable of joining the brigade on their most important mission,

until the members of the brigade insisted I should not, for someone has poisoned me! No one, as a matter of fact, had poisoned Tarian. Instead, he was upchucking because he had read that adventurers always eat ten raw eggs before any quest, and his eggs were expired, so now he, much like myself, was feeling completely fucking useless and exhausted after staying up wretching all night long. I'm sorry, I cannot join you, but you must carry on and tarry on without me. Tarrian was addressing you,

the members of the Darrington Brigade, the band of swords for hire. He had assembled in the years after Voxmachana saved Exandria. U.S. 6 had gathered in the loading dock of the Wrexentrum Sky Ship Port in the capital of Wildmount, suited up for a mission with gear provisions and weapons ready. Now, for those in the audience who may not be familiar with the Darrington Brigade

because it's been like six years since we've done anything with them, please introduce and describe your characters, starting over there with president of the CRF, Ashley Jenkins. Hello there. My name is Damien Vadoma. There we go. I am still trying to find the voice again. Somewhere around here, I think.

Half elf. beautiful maroon suit tailored to perfection. We got sort of like an orange hair cut that's, you know, sort of a little long. I want to go to bed. Orange hair cut. We want to specify, while this is canonically later in the timeline, the characters are lower level because Sam refused to play any higher than fifth level. So we're all hungover. We all hungover. I like it.

They took a long sabbatical. Who are you? Hi, my name's buddy. Buddy, I'm not gonna the description all in that voice, is a nine foot tall ogre who hunches over quite a bit. He's got massive magical goggles given to him by Cherry and Darrington and make his eyes massive. And he's got like a brass chariot on his shoulders.

You can keep going for it. Oh my God! Fair, fair, fair. It's all about the hand stuff. I know. And on top of buddies back is a big brass, Roman-style chariot with a little guy in it. That's me!

Macaroni, Samsonite. I am a little halfling covered in like Last Boys and Peter Pan type stuff. Last Boys? Lost boys. Lost boys? Lost boys? You know, like, feet.

Oh. Oh, okay. Zero good Peter. You're doing it. I've been sitting on body's shoulders, and we collect skulls and kick ass and that stuff. Who are you? Who are you? I am the knight.

I am a man, but more than a man. One third owl, one third bear, and 100% man. And yes, I know that's 166.6.6.6. Yes. That's American math. I also, I can do math. Can you? I didn't think so. I am owl bear man. Whoa.

I'm here for justice in my brown, brown owl bear coke, my utility belt. Am I kind of. That is a beer with an owl. I've been going through a bit of copyright litigation. So it's owl slash bear slash man right now thanks to Bearman's Owl Emporium, which feels that I am a,

a negative icon towards their business. I haven't had the money to repair a lot. Triple threat. But you are the night. I am the night. The night is free. Oh no. The night is free.

Of copy real. You got this, Laura. Waita-o-i-tito. I'm Ferroen-breed. Yes. Thank you very much. I'm a monk with pink hair and flowing robes.

And I might lose this. voice in a few minutes and just go back to normal oh no I don't know I'm gonna be Pharaoh and Breeze the whole time so far so good yeah thanks sounds great just remember freedom no we're doing it stop Brayor oh it's got it should have put money on that okay you're it's a year I take a wax cylinder and I slap it down and I start cranking the hand introducing Hazel Copper Pot to the inventor of the Copper Pot 3,000 miraculous man band machine or some may say one dwarf machine. That's right, that is the legendary

Hazel Copper Pot coming to you live from somewhere in Exandria. Right. Terrian continues very well. Your mission, the hubris is a brand new ultra luxury sky ship set to depart on her maiden voyage across the empire. She's the largest most modern expensive craft ever to sail the skies and will carry dozens of the continent's most famous and powerful celebrities and dignitaries. A wonderful who's-who of wild mount. The alliteration, though clever, makes Terry throw up a little bit. Terry in swoons, Doty catches him. The vessel owner, wealthy investor Balfa's Arfairmont,

hired the brigade to protect the voyage and its VIP passengers. Why? Because Flairmont knows we're the most reliable heroes in Wildmount. The truth is, Flermont had hired the Darrington Brigade for publicity. He wants Tarian to publish a fantastic firsthand account of the journey to drive up sales of future voyages. But alas, your fearless leader cannot join you. Still, we must not lose this job. With all the mucky mucks on board, this assignment could cement the brigade as the go-to security service across the Dwendalian Empire, so you must do it. However, because they're expecting the Terry and Darrington to board that vessel. I have made arrangements for a suitable understudy. Flimsy! Come on down! A young pale man with a scraggly black hair steps forward.

Matt, please introduce your character and describe him. You watch from around the corner kind of shyly peeking a pallid, gaunt-looking young man, but something about him feels strange and alien. His eyes are just complete black saucers, his long, stringy black hair, wearing kind of a loose fitting tunic and a massive backpack covered with all sorts of weird accoutrement like a wooden sword into the back and he peeks around and blinks his large eyes

and goes, hi, hi everybody. This is a pleasure to meet you. Oh my goodness. It's really you. Hey, new guy. Hey. Wait, wait, he's gonna be playing you, Terry? Terry? He doesn't look like you.

What am I doing? Remember, we discussed this, Flimsy. Show them how you will pretend to be me, Terry and Darrington. Go on. Oh, I, um, so it's getting really nervous and kind of his knees start shaking. You can do this. Okay, okay. Okay. And for a second, you're afraid he's gonna pop a blood vessel or shit himself.

But you watch as his skin begins to shift and morph until eventually he grows slightly taller, his shoulders come back, and Suddenly, he has a handsome, semi-welted hand and less sickly visage, looking pretty dang close, aside from the attire to Terry and Daring. Oh, so. Oh, that was to tell. All right. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

Thank you, Kylie. Oh, the voice is still fucked up, though. Yeah, that's terrible. I don't understand. Terry? Terry. She's high, Terrian. It seems the understudy could use a little bit more practice.

I would agree. I'm sorry, I've only read your books, and most of your recordings don't actually capture his vocal timbre, so I just need more practice. It's all right, it's all right. The way I see it, he'll barely have to speak on this journey. There'll be so much commotion in people running around. Terrian can be supervising from afar, orchestrating the brigade as it goes about its security duties, but not actually present for much of it. So when he is there, he'll stand in the background, and you'll all. also have Doty with you, and you all will be the voice of the Darrington Brigade, and he'll be the face.

He's in charge? Not exactly. I'm still in charge, but I'm not there. And he's not in charge, because he's the new guy, so you're all in charge. Does that make sense? You're still in charge and you're not there. How are we supposed to know what you want us to do?

Who do we listen to? Yeah. We need a director. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. None of you think that you're up for the challenge. No. No. I didn't say that. I mean, I don't mind telling people what to do from a pie. My golden champion. Great. You're the leader. It's done. You're the leader. Yes.

Outstanding. Good job, Mac. Congratulations, Mac. Thanks, buddy. You and me. Buddy, close your mouth. We're going to take over the world. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. What's wrong with you, Rob? Suddenly, Doty reacts with confusion. No, no, no, I'm over here, Doty. Now, the hubris

departs in 20 minutes. I've purchased you matching Darrington Brigade badges. He passes them out. As you know, branding is everything. He hands you identical golden badges that say D.B. on them. Doty will join

you to document the journey and will obey your every command. This, oh. Oh, don't. What did you do? Did you stick yourself with that? Albear Man is going to put that away. And also, branded band, band.

Branding is everything. I thought we were just talking about that. Learn from the master. What is the branding? It's Albear Man brand. Does it say before me? It says Alband Man. Albandman.

Albandman. Alband man. Are we all sleep deprived? Yes. Yes. When are we not? Yes. You gave us a comedy show.

What else are we going to do? I help pin the DB on the giant. You feel like you got the heartbeat in your fingertip? You're okay? It's in your chest. Your heartbeat. It's fine. You're doing good.

Wait, you can't go because you're throwing up? Well, that's right. Why don't we just plug it up? Plug it, me? Yeah. I can't. Maybe I can. Tarian stands to join you.

his legs quiver and he swoons and falls over. What is that? It helps plug you up. Did you need some? All right, I can take some of you. It's a fine elixir of some sort. Yeah, it's a potion. I'll try it. I'll try it.

He actually sponsored my show a few episodes ago. Buddy reaches out a massive hand and just kind of grabs Terry by the scruff and holds him erect. Oh, God. No, no, please. Tarian barfs a little and then swallows it back down. He's having a real tough time. He's got the salsa swallow. Please, please set me down, buddy.

Listen, just make sure that they think that I, Terry and Derrington, am on board supervising you. And remember this. You must take any opportunity to show off the crowd. Your performance means the very future of the brigade. Derry. Oh, right. Thank you, Doty. Here, Doty transcribed the Passenger Manifest. These are all the VIPs that you'll be assigned to protect. Guard them with your life. Now hurry, Captain Damon is expecting you.

Oh shit, there's a lot of people in this. No, I just want to say before we leave, it's an incredible honor to be able to work with you and work with you. the brigade. I've been following your exploits for quite some time, and I never expected you would respond to any of my letters, so this means a lot to me. Well, urgent times demand urgent measures. You said you were familiar with all of the exploits of the Darrington Brigade. Oh, yes. I've read the adventures of Tary and Darrington, the glorious journeys of Taryn Darrington, the nearly memorable exploits of Terry and Darrington, the clearly legendary rumors

surrounding Tary and Darrington. I've gone to be... So it's a smaller bibliography, but still a good... start. Quick, do your best Terrian impression. Let's see. What if someone were to come up to you and say, Terrian, what's your favorite of your works? The favorite of my works would be, ha ha, Tom Terriott-Darrington. Actually, that's pretty great. I couldn't tell a difference. That was a difference. Is that what I sound like?

Yeah, that was really good. It was like a little bit more of a nasal situation that you might have a little bit of a cold. Okay. Yeah, you can say he's got a cold. That's great. Good luck and God, and he barfs again, scattering vomit all over the floor.

You guys leave. Let's... Sweet goodness ever late, the famed book. The famed bookwriter Evangeline Frost is going to be on the board this ship. Oh, shit. Are you a fan? I am such a fan. Evangeline Frost is everything.

I don't know. She has a very heated romance novel that is one of my favorites. What's it called? It is called From Dust to Bust. Some sexy. A vampire story. Yes. Mm-hmm.

I know you're currently filling a bucket, but would you mind before we leave? You just sign the help of my book. Just go! He shoes you all out. The hubris is enormously impressive. Nearly three times the size of any sky ship you've ever seen. Stepping onto the hovering craft via the gangplank,

a promenade of polished brass and glowing alchemical lanterns stretches ahead, opening into tiered decks that rise like layers of wedding cake, Silk and banners snap in the wind as beefy deck hands in matching white coats bustle with grace and urgency. Beneath it all, a steady rhythmic hum, hints at the immense arcane power, keeping the vessel aloft. There are three main passenger decks above and below two crew decks. The Atrium deck, just to give you a lay of the land, Atrium deck has a glass domed observation lounge offering view.

of the endless sky. Botanica holds gardens in most of the passenger suites. The court deck holds a dancing hall, the grand ballroom, a small casino, and a bar. And then the lower decks drive and expands, drive and expanse, how's the crew and service operation? I got atrium deck. Atrium, Botanica, court, and lower. Drive and expanse. A, B, C, D.C.D.E. Where we are, are we? You're on the top deck. Exposed. See the sky, see the grass, see the grass. All that? Yes, you're on the atrium deck, which has, is mostly open, but has a few interior compartments on the ends of the bottom. When we go see the captain? What do we do? What do we do? Did we secure a room? We just floating around the whole time?

A handsome middle-aged human in a tight leather vest adorned with epaulettes greets, greets as you board the ship. This is Captain Damon. Hello, you must be the Darrington Brigade. Ah, yes, Captain. I am Captain Damon, Captain Matt Damon. I'm supposed to meet a Terry and Gary Darington. By the way, Captain Damon is a real character that Matt invented in Campaign 1. He's described as a human man.

That's it. So I'm making him Matt Danes. Matt Damon. This was a mistake. This was a mistake. Isn't that your name? Yeah, what did you say, Captain Damon or Damien? Damon.

I'm Matt Damon. That's right. It's a little different, buddy. It's a little different. It sounds the same. It's pretty close. Captain, wow. This is a beautiful boat.

Thank you. Your name was... Oh, Damien. Very... Apologies. This is our crew where the Darrington Brigade. Yes, I... Over here we have Terry. Okay.

I start playing some heroic-sounding music. Oh, this is the leader of your group. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Tarian. How have you found our ship so far? He loves it. He does. Fantastic.

What's just saying? How much he goes? What do you think about your running security on this vessel? What do you think of the exterior battlements that you've seen? He is so highly impressed by your armaments. It's actually a good thing you got us because I see lots of vulnerabilities, right, buddy? Yeah. Yeah, but you made the necessary changes.

You got the best in the business, killers and degenerates, all of us. Well, that's good to know. I'm more of a documentarian. And Al-Ban-Man. Tarryan? I'm sorry? Al-A-Bair Man. Hey, Terran.

Everybody's trying to talk to you. Card. Go ahead and tell them what you think. I'm eager to hear what you think of the ship that you're assigned to protect. Don't be shy, you guy. New guy. Understandable. But it's beautiful.

Wrexentrum breezes this time of year can be, make a deception check if you can. First roll, first roll, first roll, let's go, let's go. As I was saying, the winds this time of year can be rather dry and rather brisk. Indeed. Yes. Rexentrop fever. Oh, jeez. It can happen.

Well, as you saw, Mr. Flaermont, the designer of the ship and owner, has outfitted the ship with sophisticated battlements. she can fly at incredible speeds, faster than a dragon, he always says, though I don't want to test that out. And it has magical shields to repel exterior attacks. Our passengers are, shall we say, of the elite. So there's very little danger on board. However, if anyone were to get too drunk or too hansy or too flirty, it would be wise to handle things discreetly. Pretty basic stuff. Understand? You have someone on the manifest named Shart von Cleef? Shart von Cleef? Chart von Cleef!

You hear a voice coming from behind you as Balthazar Flaermont, a wealthy investor, an owner of the ship, swings into view, a stroll's into view. orange Qatari man, 5 foot 11, ostentatiously dressed in white silk tails and a colonial wig, carrying a cane and top hat. He might have been designed by chat. He strolls with the ease of someone who's never rushed in his life,

tossing a ball of yarn to gauge the wind speed. Oh, you have noticed the manifest includes one, how you say, Chart von Gleif? I noticed this is quite the list. Why, yes, it is. Shart is one of our most precious passengers. Chart von Kleefe is a famous artist of caricatures and landscapes. He paints some of the most world-renowned artworks depicting monsters of ancient history. and battles of the past.

It is fantastic, and we are honored to have him on this ship. You must be the Darrington Brigade. Yes, we are, and we're known for a pair of Essek dice that just sold. Yes, it just sold. We just sold a pair of Essex dice. Yep.

For $275,000. Smanker-Roos, and congratulations to that person. A thousand. Bonjour, two on. of you. You must be the Derrington Brigade. Is that correct? Wait, you are, what is your name? Your Scharst? I... I'm not Schartt. Van Cleefie is one of our precious passengers. This is the owner of the ship. Can I see the passenger list, please?

He's not on the passenger list. He's the owner. You're the owner of the boat. This establishment? It's an airship. It's an airship. Sky ship. I am Balthazar Flaermont. Welcome aboard my masterpiece, the Ubrez. And And you must be the man himself, Terry, and Darrington. I am a Uge fan. I've read all your books. The daring trials and tribulations of Darrington. Cry, Terry, cry, unlocking the power of raw human emotion.

The man who should be king, the blonde, the brave and the bold, all of them. You know, what were some of the others? Many. Oh, you are too, too kind, sorry. Your books proceed you. It is such an honor to meet you and your brigade. I am so happy to meet you all. This will be a wonderful voyage.

Mr. Derekton, where would you like your man stationed first? On the top decks, on below? You have a man station? I'm sorry? You said you have a man station. How would you like your man station? Understood. That was a simple.

Slight misunderstanding on my part, I do apologize. It's a little dizzy, at sea. You must be Madame Copperport. What she said? Oh, and this is Bodie. The muscles of the Operation. What? There's a couple muscles of the Operation.

Oh. But here's the, the Baltazar wants to know if where we want our men to be stationed. or everywhere. What has the best view in access to the buffet? Well, the buffet will be served tonight at the grand ballroom. Down the grand ballroom.

Mr. Darrington, I'm afraid your man might need a little bit of cajoling and translating. Perhaps you should tell him everything I'm saying. Later. Make another deception check. Hmm. Six. Yeah, he's turning French.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Uh, before I roll, never mind. No, you could do it, I don't care. We use tides of chaos to get advantage on the roll. Great. Yes, yes. Tides. Fifteen.

Oh, yes. He sort of looks at you peculiarly and leans in to inspect you a little bit more closely, but is interrupted by a short gong. Behind Flairmont stands a prim Dwarven fellow in an ill-fitting tuxedo, Elias Dorn, this is Flaermont's butler. He's got nix all over his face from shaving. He holds an impressive gong stick in one hand and a complicated stopwatch in the other and said, we must be moving along the passengers all boarding.

And sure enough, You see various VIPs escorted onto the ship, some with valets and servants of their own, many of whom you recognize from the manifest. They are all being helped along onto the boat, onto the ship, I guess. You see, actually, everybody roll a perception check. First roll. First roll. Not 20.

Not 20. Perception. Oh, not 20 for me too. Not 20? Nat 20? Yeah. I should have said history, but it's fine. Not 20, I'll count. It would have still been a not 20. So those of you who rolled Nat 20s,

you recognize from the Passenger Manifest over hearing snippets of their dialogue and knowing the vague descriptions on the manifest. What? Don't worry about it. You recognize Lady Adelaide Tipsyfoot, a... Another one you like? She's at the top, the reds,

Rex, and Royal Comptroller! She is a halfling, three foot 11, teal dress, gold tiara, way too much jewelry. She carries a small Chihuahua in a purse. She's very elderly. Chihuahua's canon. Chihuahua's canon. Chihuahua is our canon.

And she's extremely elderly. All dogs are canon. And is snapping for her valet to follow her. She has the voice of Tommy Wissot, thanks to chat. Oh. Come on, come on. Come on, we need to get down below to the sweet to put my belongings away.

Come on. That's terrible, which makes it even more correct, yeah. You also recognize Dan Coldsnap. Dan Coldsnap? A world-famous organization. old famous orkish bard. Oh my God. You recognize his distinct, crazy, colorful jumpsuit

and a luchador mask that he wears whenever he performs. Oh my God. Amazing. Amazing. Wait, what? He's already warming up with his jazz sacks. Boo-b-b-dab-d-d-d-buffo. That's what they sound like.

You have a great music video. video. He does. You also recognize Aria O'Lari, a middle-aged collector of rare magical artifacts. She's a dragon born with opal scales. She's telling her man's servant, come on, we must move faster. We have to get on the ship and get our belongings below. Roll in insight. Go ahead and roll an inside check. Roll an inside check. Ooh.

Ooh, 26. Okay. On my new gesture dice, by the way, should we're coming out on Monday. Hey, look at that. I roll a 20 on these yoshes. It's a good dice guys. Your keen eyes draw you to Aria O'Lari

and you sense that she is shady as Vugh. And according to chat, might be a distant relative of Bolo. Yeah, very. And they're... By a thousand years. I said might. They really wanted it, the chat. And then, of course, you recognize you, Hazel Copper Pot,

without making a role, recognize... Evangeline Frost. It's a mirror. Sorry, what? Evangeline Frost, your favorite writer. She is a large bird lady, an ice furrow, with a super wide-brimmed hat, sickly sweet southern bell drawl. Pocket watch, she's a Karen.

And she is already writing in her notebook. And there I was finding myself on the deck of the ship, looking at everyone, and looking especially over there at the Darrington Brigade who had boarded before. us. What were they doing here? I was gonna get down to the bottom of it. Oh, no, she's a bitch. It appears that Evelyn Frost has seen us, and she is dictating everything she says as she observes us.

She is a large bird lady, and even though she seems a bit cooty herself, I still find her quite an icon. The shorter one seems to be writing down everything I'm saying, or at least recording it on some sort of wax cylinder. I believe she has spotted me. She has made icon taxed. I am blushing deep down inside, but I should never reveal how much of an admirer I am. She admires me, according to what she just said and recorded into her swag cylinder at full volume. Don't you take this down.

That's our part. Well, hello. Oh, I did not see you there, fair lady. A kindred spirit, I see. Who must you be? I believe you know the answer to that. I'm Evangeline Frost. It's a pleasure to meet you. Perhaps I could get your audiograph later on.

If it is not a problem to you. Are you a fan of my work? Are you a fan of my work? What is your work? Surely you have heard of my audio podcastia. The Adventures of Darrington Tarrington Brigadia. It's how so fast. It's dwarfish.

You have an audio version of... You've transcribed Tarian's books into audio format? Well, absolutely. It is the future of Alexandria. You know, she interviews all of us every week. She gives like behind-the-scenes things in her podcast. Whether we want her to or not. Am I saying it right?

Yes. Awesome. Interesting, interesting. Hello, Tarian. How are you doing today? Are you here to write one of your fantastical accounts of this voyage? Yes, he's very busy, as you can see.

He's already just like, try to collect the ideas they're gonna make up his most famous rendition of this, The Beautiful Huberous. Roll deception, and you can roll to help or you can roll with advantage. With advantage. Be'am's...

Go for it. I'll give you advantage. It's no. 12. Okay. I'm saying Nuggett. She scribbles something down in her notebook and looks at you suspiciously. Damien, what were you going to?

I'm not familiar with your work. Well, I'm Evangeline Frost. I am the first most famous author in all of Wildmount. Despite what some of the inflated best-selling lists might say, We know that you cook the books, so to speak. My adventures have been read farther and wider than Tarians. How wide. What?

How wide. Have you ever heard of dripping charisma? He has so many accents right now. I've got all of Willie Wonka all over the place. Have you ever heard of cheated, cheated chivalry? Chivalry? Yeah, shivalry. That's how I pronounce it.

Ten things to do. Or how about my self-help book, 10 things to do before meeting the matron of Ravens? Hmm. I can't say I've ever read any of those. Neither of those have anything to do with my interests. But you have read from dust to bust the vampire romance, right? I gave it to you. You borrowed it from me from my personal collection.

Okay, I've read it. Of course I've read from dust to bust. You didn't read it, Damien, don't lie. Can I have it back if you're not going to read it? Well, maybe I read it. Maybe I love smut. The Deception. I'll let you two work out this little tiff you're having.

I lost it. Okay, I lost it. Just then. Move, move, move. A gentleman pushes past all of you in a very rude fashion. He is wearing paint-stained overalls, has a Bob Ross-style bushy haircut. He is a frog man.

He's missing an ear, even though frogs... Yeah, well, this is from chat. The hole's missing. The ear hole. How about this? He has an ear. That's the weird part. Just one. It's a human ear.

It's a blue ear. You got one runner on that bitch. He's wearing a straw hat. He has a pet squirrel on his shoulder. Move, move, move. And he's dragging a pallet full of canvases and paints. You get a glimpse of them as he walks by their ultra-realistic paintings of monsters, beasts, and dragons

made with alchemical paints that seem to move and shimmer in the light. They're fantastic. But he's very gruff and he pushes past you. to my way. I've got to get these paintings to safety. He pushes past you and keeps going. Hey, Mac. Yeah, what's up? Is everybody on this boat in bad mood? Yeah, I think so, but you know, they say you get on the ship, and then you take a dip, and then you take a sip, and everything's fine.

Did I do something wrong? No, no, they're just intimidated by your natural good looks and charisma. Make sure you smile real big. Show me teeth. Oh, God. Evangeline Frost sort of regards you with disdain, writes something down, and turns and walks away. All the passengers start to disperse as they're guided down to their respective cabins to settle in.

Does she have? Who, wait? Evangeline Frost? Yeah. No, she's bird lady. She's like a Karen cut in the bird. Oh, like her feathers? What is the Karen cut?

I'm sorry. It's got a little bit of a bump, maybe. Is that like a shorter... It's where it's like a symmetrical long in the front and short in the back, and it's got the little spiky bits. That's exactly what she has. And it is made of feathers.

Yes. This vote is a veritable powder keg. All these people feel like super villains to me. I just want to punch every one of them. Well, we are here to protect them. We are their protect years. And you said the guy that pushed past us was holding a bunch of art, right?

Yes. Could that have been shart? That was shard. Yes, you could do a history check if you'd like to. Yes. Well, there were paintings, but it's debatable if they were shart. Thirteen. You, uh, I don't know.

Shirts, the only art. But there's an artist on the manifest. He's a shartist. There's the poohy. right there. Yeah, so. So everyone has stuff to protect, except for Ariya, she was shady as fuck. Folk. She was shady as folk. Oh, are you talking to me? No, you're talking to your friends.

I'm not going to see. You're on a civil? Do you? No. All right. Thanks, Rony. I'm just so tired after that. I'm so tired after that. You sounded a little French there for a moment.

I'm sorry. Your time is. What is it? It's a hard for you to hold your form? I've never had to do it like that before. I've never, never really had attempted his particular timber. If you have any pointers, please. Help, help me.

That was terrifying. Double thumbs. Okay. Okay, thanks. I think probably you shouldn't talk. I was trying to avoid it. But you know, if it comes up, we can, we can, we'll help you up. Uh, okay.

Scarfin, cough. You're just great. Where's where you from? Where did Tarian find you? Well, I- Casting networks, backstage. I never met anyone backstage. Actors access.

Actions access. Canon, canon, canon. Canon. Damn it, British to stop it. I was growing up in the L.N. I wrote letters every few weeks with each book I'd finish. I'd write a new letter, and he never responded to any of it. he never responded to any of them.

I kept sending applications to become a part of the brigade with you. And for a number of years or no responses, I just assumed it would never happen until- Wait, there were applications? No, but I made my own and then filled the amount and sent them in. I understand. And then one day he responded,

rather rapidly, actually. I had spent all my savings to get a teleportation here. But I'm happy to be here. You had to pay for yourself to be here. Well, I figured it's an investment in your career, you know. Yeah, but Terry made you pay. Yeah, paid a play, I think they called it. Where'd you teleport from?

Uh, uh, Thielin. Fialin. Yeah. Yeah, whatever that. It's in the Miragery coast. It's a beautiful area. It really is, you've been. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've heard amazing things about it. Oh, wow. Anyway. You did great. Just, you know, talk a little bit less, you know. And buddy, stop calling him new guy. Okay. Pretend he's old guy.

Very good point. I'm gonna-. Do I have to keep smart? No, you can stop. Don't stop. Were your cheeks hurting? Oh, yeah, your ears are shaking. They're little swollen.

Write this down. I'll get there. Oh, yeah. It's getting good. It's getting good. All right, so we got, what, five decks to keep safe. We got a bunch of people hoarding stuff. Most are shady.

One is cool. One is named shark. This is going to be cake. This is going to be the easiest money we ever made. I concur. Yeah, this doesn't feel too. difficult. Should we go to the casino? I was thinking that. Yeah. Yeah. He's the leader that Tarian said should be making the decisions.

Oh, you know, what do you want us to do, Mac? Oh, f. You know, I like to... Cases, Casino. Buddy stands fully erect so that Mac like rises another three feet in the air. Oh, hoohoo. Albear, man. What do you think? Casino or at atrium? I feel like casinos are where the most crime could happen. on this boat. It's true.

Casinos are crime-ridden. What does D and E stand for? Oh, I-D-D-D-E stand for? DECANCE. Expans. What the-X? What the fuck is the expanse? It's great show.

It's the end-show. So, Is it the great show, sci-fi? Is it the expanse of the upper deck? It's A, B, C, D. Low-D. Lowest dick. If anyone's gonna be shady,

To that Kifino! Woo! Baffee! Ha-Zah! You guys go to the casino? Yeah. But Hazel plays us traveling music as we go so people know where the DB is at all time. And I'm trying to dodge at the back.

Quietly hiding. Okay, roll a performance check and roll a stealth check as you go from shadow to shadow. When the ice cream truck rolls up, you hear that bitch is coming from two of my blocks. Well, get your money. Doodoo doodoole. I'm using a new Vaxil. Dan Dice, also just released. Releasing on Monday.

Releasing on Monday, eh? What am I rolling for? Performance, all right, that's going to be 20, dirty 20. That's pretty good. As you march down to the casino below deck, you pass several passengers, all of whom are startled by the parade type music that you're playing,

but they respect it and they kind of... Step aside, step aside. They step aside. They step aside. To like monkey poses, not monkey poses. Monk poses. As I walk behind her like, you know, making my robe like flourish and stuff.

I got a 13 stealth, so I don't know. I assume there's nowhere to hide in this hall anyway, so I mostly just look like that. Right. You guys see as you go make your way down to the casino. So he just looks like a grown man doing bad parkour through a casino? Yes. So the passengers notice you and are curious about it. There is one in particular, let's just pick one here,

who seems to regard you with curiosity and disdain. He is wearing a dark sort of green-gray cloak. Oops, wrong person. Nope, I lost his description. Chat made it. I didn't copy and paste it. It's great. You're dreaming.

Wake up. Oh, no, no. That's scared. So, he's scared so much. Let's say he's a high elf. Love it. Oh, no. Oh, hi. Don't worry, middle of books.

I'll make it up. Hey, here it is. There it is. Blue and black rose. a dark gray cloak, hiking boots. Oh, he carries some sort of a medallion around his neck that sort of dangles there. Has a scraggly beard, he's about six feet tall.

He seems a little bit exhausted. And as you walk by him, he's pouring out from a small leather flask some oil, and he rubs his hands with it, seemingly to clean them. He's sort of constantly cleaning his hands. And he notices you coming and says, by the law bearer, it is good to see that we are being protected by security. Are you the Darrington Brigade I've heard of?

I want it only. In the flash. D-da-da-da-da-d-er! Wait, you weren't there a second ago. That's so nice of you to say. I'm not just the thing anyone said in quite a while. Elberman, I am here for justice. I'm, I am High Cleric, Vich Rabinovich.

Yes. Oh, what? Boy. Vich Rabinovich. Yes, of High cleric. High cleric, Vich of the lawbearer.

I'm happy that you're I'm happy that you're here to restore order and justice to this place. There are many people here who abuse their power and make ill choices about their health. Abuse their power in pain meds? Yes. He also, he sprays his hands again and goes them. I feel like I'm looking into a beautiful mirror right now. Yes, I can sense a kindred spirit in you.

Trauma. Yeah, what's up? That guy keeps grazing his hands, just like you always do. Well, you know, some people just have naturally dry hands. Your boy is gifted. Exactly, are you doing on this ship? I have been, as a favor, I have been asked to come on board as the ship's physiker, as the doctor for the vessel for the maiden voyage.

Flairmont couldn't find a suitable alternative. alternative, and I wanted to see firsthand how these people deal with each other. And especially, I wanted to get my eyes on how this ship is run, how it works and operates. It's very odd. It's a triumph having you here. I mean, this place could be the real pit of despair, you know, if you're not, don't keep a real careful eye. Could be. The way the ship works, that's clever.

I'm taking it now. He looks up at the board. I gotta keep going. Please keep us safe. And I hope we make it through the night. And then he's off. You have my word, Dad, Rivenvich. As you walk into the casino, there's a, there's, oh boy.

What games did they find, Matt? You've made all these games in Exandria, I didn't know any one of them is, let me Google it. Zandrian poker, Exandrian Blackjack. Just give up. Just give up. There's rollies. Rollies.

You know, you see the standard tables at all, the casinos, Avondra's favor, Griffin's Wall, Quadron, Sunni. Mm-hmm, yeah, Gambit of War. There's a Gambit of Board. Board going on. Fork of the Storm, you know,

you're standard Exandrian games. Over there playing a game of ord. You recognize someone from when you walked in earlier. It is the middle-aged woman who is speaking with sort of a Russian accent before, Aria or O'Lari. She is talking to another gentleman who you don't recognize and they're playing cards as they talk. That's all. Okay.

I'll make, I guess, stealth and percent. or is it. Are you trying to be, you're being, I guess, casually, you're not trying to hide. I'm always trying to hide. Okay, so you're hiding and being casual. Yeah. And perceiving. So perception, stealth, and performance. Yeah. I was curious we were going to get an investigation to there, I'm down. No investigation. Perception, stealth, performance. Oh, that was

10. That was, yeah. So, stealth is 20. Perception. not very high, is three, and performance is, there you go, 18. Yes, so they're playing cards, and you walk by them silently, like a cat. They don't notice you. You don't, the wind of you passing doesn't move a hair on their heads, and you walk right by,

and you forget to look. I was just starting dying trying to find food. Incredible, so non-hapha. Second to none. I'm gonna saunter over to Aria. All right. That's where you were going? I don't remember anymore. Okay. Yeah, I was just following a little bit behind.

I'm just gonna just like hover around there. All right. I'm gonna grab a drink and just stand there like I'm supposed to be there. Merwin. I'm drinking. Should we join this hot table? Sure. We're gonna gamble. At the same table as Arianna O'Lari?

Yes. Okay. So you're keeping a watch out. You guys are going over and you're going to try to buy some chips or something. I'm going to stay. I'm going to be like behind her at the table so I can sort of watch what she's doing. Great. Maybe cheat. Is it safe for us to be engaging in public spaces when we're trying to keep a low profile? Well, I imagine as part of being a front-facing guard, you want to be front-facing. Right, right. What should I do? I can help you. Okay.

I'm gonna stay behind you and if anyone tries to talk to you. You look away. You're a little irritated and then I walk up and tell them that they can't look you in the eye and they can't talk to you. Great. Okay. You're ready? You look too approachable. There you go.

Buddy has walked 15 feet away and he's just for a few minutes not been watching a marble go around and around and a big wheel. Sure. Not just with your head. It's your whole body and I'm like, Oh my God, make it stop! The dealer at the roulette table lets the ball fall and click into a number. No bets have been placed and just sort of looks at you guys

and spins it again. Hazel and Farrowin, you go over in the dealer, there's a young dealer at the table. Oh, hello, would you like to place a bet? Yes. Place a bet. Place bet. Would you be using cash or would you like to buy some chips? I would like to buy some chips.

Chips. All right, how many? Five gold, ten gold, twenty gold. What's the, um... The minimum wager here is two gold. How much do we have of our pony budget? Plenty. We have plenty of money.

We don't give her shit. We'll get two hundred gold worth of chips. You don't have that much. We'll get 20 gold worth of chips. A reasonable amount, yes. 20 gold. H. H. Eats. Eats. Y rollers. Wow. Oh.

Any luck is on our side tonight. Turn over to you with a bit of shock in their face. All right. Money is exchanged. Chips are doled out. The first hand of Gambit Award is dealt out. You guys know how to play it. Yes. You all are looking at your cards. How many chips?

D-X. Yes, shirt. Was this the D-6? The dealer, it's very funny. The dealer is wearing a black-collared shirt has sort of shoulder-length hair, has leather bracelets around his wrists, and he takes over the exchange of the bed from there. Nice. What does he sound like? It sounds like this.

It's pretty good. Yeah, it is. Go on. How does give it a boardwork? I believe this is the dice game. It's the D6 dice game, right? Where you're trying to get pairs or something? It's been a minute since I...

Oh! Oh! I'm not the only one who didn't prepare to DM tonight. Wait a second. Players are cards that have hidden by these... Yeah, it was the D8, and then you can... It's a D8. That's this one, yeah. What? Wait, what?

So yeah, so this is the, you roll a D8, keep the results hidden, and then you can choose to raise the bet, call the bet or fold, and then just keep- What are you trying to get to? Huh. The highest number. It's just rollies? It's more or less like, and then you go down,

then you raise again in the roll of D4. So it's D8, make a bet, then secretly roll a D6, bet again, then roll a D4, and then you all. How about this? How about we just play rollies? Rollies. How did I feel like that was gonna happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this will, the game works as Matt's describing it. This is just a simplified version. Whoever rolls highest. Yeah, go ahead and roll for roll. Wait, is Ariya playing two? She is, I will roll for Ariria. What did she wager? She just wagered six gold.

Look, that's high. Six gold then. Okay, everyone's in for six. Six gold. Ooh. Oh, you beat me. Oh. Let's keep a chance.

Oh, shit. Okay, Dealer rolls 12. Aria says She rolled a 17 and she takes a portion of the pot No, no, she doesn't Oh, she reaches out to get it Not so fast, pretty little shady lady

I rolled in 19 Win a winner Chicken dinneer She regards you with skepticism A new player who's got some skill with the dice. Interesting. Shall we make this even more interesting? Double or nada? Nope. Yet? Double or yet?

Yeah. What do you think, Farrowan? Should we walk while we're ahead? You're ahead, I'm down. Six more. Oh, and another six. Double. All right, let's play. All right. Five in. The dealer rolls. Okay.

And Ariana rolls. It's long as one of us wins. The dealer got a three. Ooh. Well, Ariya has to go first. Yeah, what are you? I'm looking at her, how to poke her face. I'll give you the option to take half of the earnings now.

Or you can see what they're rolls and lose everything. What is she doing? Insight checking her. Is this hand-de-board face? What's this game called? Hand of Ward face? This is a hand-of-orid. This is hand-face.

This is it? I rolled 15. It's a fast and loose version. Is this pants feet? Uh, okay. You get a look at her and she, her eyes sort of seemed to dart side to side, but that's all you kind of can glean from her.

Yeah. I will only make this off at once. Bring it, shady lady. Can I see what she's got standing behind her? Sure. Should I do investigation? I don't know how this works. Investigation check.

19? Yeah, she's got a real low roll. All right, I just want to look over. I'm like, look over. Why do you keep calling me Shady Lady? Aren't you assigned to protect me? That is absolutely correct. And I protect people from shade.

Hazel likes to wear sunglasses a lot and She calls everyone shady. Your trumpet just went off. I sat on it. This thing is trapped to me at all times. That's what you get when you hire Heisl Copperbott. Are you having a stroke?

I had a Celsius and I am a little zooted from it and exhausted. Is that a word? It's canon. I would be happy to give you the winnings that you're so, that you deserve, frankly, but I do not be, I do not like being disrespected

by the help aboard this vessel. Here, take your winnings. She rolled a one. Take it. Give me my money back. Hurry, I split the pot. But I might be reporting this to the captain, that his security is coming down to the casino

to hustle passengers. of their well-earned gold. Marble, marble, marble. Do you just hear fucking, like, macaroni's fighting for his fucking life against the centrifugal force? And he finally gets his hand down and throws a gold onto the table

to make the fucking marble stuff. What did you bet on? Did you... I just threw it on the table because there was no money going down to stop the game, right? Okay, so yes, so just roll any number and I'll see if you magically hit

on the D20. Ted. You did not hit it. Oh, you still that. It's a really fucking good. Would you like to play again? No, no. Not funny, please.

I thought I was going to throw up and then it came out the other and should we just go up for a little bit? Meanwhile, over by the owl bear and flimsy, a waiter comes, Oh, Ferris. A waiter comes up to you and offers you Terry and a drink. I drink, I know you're on duty, but...

Hold up, what's your name? Who are you? My name's Jameson. I work here. And what's that in your name? It's just a sparkling water. I have to poison test everything for Mr. Tarrington. Tarrington. Budget Tarrington. You're welcome.

Budget Tarrington. That's fine, we'll take two more. I only brought the one, but I only brought the one, I'll go get two more. You better go. That's right. We're the worst. We're the worst.

I don't trust that guy. All right, I'll go get more. And he walks away. I think he's on to me. I think he, I think we should follow him. Really? I don't know. He gave me a vibe.

Okay, I trust you. He only brought one soda for both of us. That's not cool. Okay, I'll follow your lead. We're very, very quietly going to make my way across the bar. Okay. Towards the bar, and I think we should order a drink. Since we're at the bar now, since we were following,

maybe we should just grab something to drink really quickly. Yeah, of course. What would you like? Should I try? The bartender comes over. I'll just knock him out if you're back. Welcome aboard. You're the security, right? You're at the bar? I am.

Cool. Are you allowed to drink on the job, or do you want to get something without alcohol, or? He'll have an Everlight Temple. Two of them. Of course. Going right up. Happy to have you guys on board, keeping us safe.

Haza! Aza! Indeed. It's fun. He pours you two pink-fizzy drinks and hands them over. Just as you guys take the drinks, Jameson comes back with two sodas, and he's like,

What? You can put them right there. We're going to be through these real quick. Oh, okay. Sure. I'm washing you. Have a good day, I guess. You're walking away.

You're in tepper? I don't have any pockets on this thing. Are you just wearing... I do. It's just boomerangs. It's boomerangs and a little thing for bandages. It's nothing else. There's six boomerangs on this.

What the fuck is supposed to help? They're not hollow boomerangs. There's just... Over by the gambling table, Aria has given you her gold. She's nodded to the gentleman she's with, and they're exiting the casino, looking kind of pissy. Um, so, so sorry, Miss Arria.

Um, you know, we, we just thought, since you were alone, you would rather enjoy having company company to make your play more enjoyable. That's all. Fuck. Fuck. And you thought that beating me twice in a row would be fun for me? That wasn't intentional. It's competition, it's fun. If it was anything, I lost you both times. Well, one time. All right, we can play one more game. But then I have things to do on the ship before dinner.

She puts in 15 gold. Fuck. Let's do this. I'm gonna roll, by the way, the Maliwock dice and the Percy dice. Available soon, I don't know. Those ones might be out already. I think so.

Great. All right, dealer rolls. Arianna, nope, that's not her name. Aria rolls, okay. This is a game of strategy. Yeah. Oh, e, oh. Wow. Oh.

I cast shatter. What? What? Yes, you heard her. On what? On the table in front of me. The percy dice are lies. Cast shatter on the table.

Oh my goodness gracious, an exploding table. Oh boy. Why? Why did you do that? you, we have to arrest you. Well, because I was trying, we have to lose. You said that we have to lose. You already did lose. You don't know that. You don't know that.

I'm trying to ensure our loss to be more benevolent to her. We could have lied. She'll not see our dice. Why did you shatter an old table? I will prostrate myself in front of her. Are you saying this in the splintered remains of the gambling days? Yeah.

Let's look up shatter. It obliterates. No, I know, but there's like, there's casting stuff too. She watches you. It's 3D Thunder Damage. It's VSM. She watches you cast the spell. I fall forward and my symbols go bang. And I guess roll for damage on the table? Okay. It's going great guys. The table could take

the top two. Two herrity. Yeah. Who's using the Percy dice right now? I am. It's getting hot. I rolled it really well for 19 Damage. Okay. Solved for 420. Nice. The table, the fine oak table, splinters and shatters, sending splinters flying like

an exploding grenade. The splinters fly every which way. You each take one point of damage, and so does Aria Alari. Do I take a point of damage to? Oh, you're pretty close. Yeah, you also take a point of damage. Ari gets a splinter in her arm.

Ah! Wow, Ariya, your roles are too powerful. I don't know what's going on here. I'm just trying to enjoy my extremely expensive cruise. You come down here, a sign to protect me. You rob my money and you explode the table and hurt me? This is extrapolation at its finest. I'm going to talk to your boss right now.

I'm going to put my hand on Ariya's shoulder. No. Now. You know what? Why don't I walk you back to your room? Just get you, you've had an, if you want. Are you propositioning her? No, I am not propositioning her.

I am saying I'll get you back there safely. Maybe you want to rest. I can get you away from all of this hustle and bustle. If you want a little tunnel. Are you, are you, she looks down at your Darrington Brigade pin. You are with them. We all work together, but I mean, I wasn't sitting at a table, playing a game. I'm here to protect and to serve.

Roll persuasion, check. Okay. And a good thing you weren't. That table just exploded. It would have really been, that's a one. Oh. I think I will have a word with your employer, and she starts walking over towards Terry.

Yeah, go do that. You have to assassinate her. Not kidding. I don't know. I'm just kidding. I see her walking towards. Sure. Yes, she's stomping over. I'm going to grab your arm and I'm going to start just trying to get you towards the side of the door. Mr. Derrington. Mr. Derrington. She's chasing after you. Are you guys walking running? What do you? We're walking as fast as we can walk while still considering it a walk.

You wave back? Okay. She's going to pick up the pace. She's going to go into almost a sprint to catch you. Are you going to try to evade? or? There's no corner or anything to turn around. There's a hallway outside the casino that splits two ways. You could go right or left. She hasn't seen which way you exited yet. Smokeball.

We're going to go right. Boomerang smokeball. We're going to go right. I'm going to grab, I'm going to grab it and throw him behind him and try and be a wall of just owl bear. Of justice. I'm like just around the corner. Okay.

All right. So moments later, Ariah exits the casino looking to follow you. She looks left. She looks right. I'm there. When she looks right, roll a stealth check with,

I would say disadvantage, because there's nothing there. There's nothing. No. Don't have smoke bombs or anything? That's 16. Okay, let me roll for her. I didn't bring the smoke bombs.

There's just boomerangs. I didn't think about it. Level five. He's just there for the boomerang. Level five. She looks left. She looks right. It's funny, the walls down here have,

they're very fancy. The whole ship is very fancy, and they're covered with all sorts of tapestries, and you've managed to find a wall that has a tapestry that has a tapestry that hasn't been fastened down all the way, so it's got a little bit of give, and you're able to just sort of sneak behind it a little bit. There's a lump, but you'd have to sort of be looking for it.

Justice. Yes, you do. Yeah. Please. Great. That is nine. So she doesn't see you, Albert Mann, but she sees what she assumes to be Terry and Darrington just standing in the middle of the hallway. Mr. Darrington, just the man I wanted to speak to.

I dropped the temple. Everlight Temple? Are you sure you and your people are cut out for this work? You're supposed to be protecting us from danger, correct? We are indeed. There's an illness going around, and we're trying to get to the bottom of it, which is, I can feel it in my sinuses.

Hussar. An illness at the casino? On the ship. It's been sabotaged. already. This is terrible. We should inform the captain right away. I will take care of that, as it is my charge with my brigade. It's been sabotaged, I'm sorry, with an illness? With an illness. How exactly does that work? That's what I'm trying to figure out and is my duty. Boy, oh boy, roll another persuasion check. Or deception or pursuit? Deception. Deception. Deception. That is Dirty 20.

Oh, yes. Yes, she is very confused as to what's going on. Also, her arm is bleeding. Oh, goodness, are you all right? I should ask you the same. I believe I am done with you and your weirdos. Out of the shadows? Jesus.

Out of the night. Out of the shadows. An owl band. in my hand. An al-band-a-man. Yes. For your arm. See, we are your protectors.

Does it have like little mask prints? Yes, of course. Yeah. She snatches it. The gentleman she was with exits the casino, gives her a nod, and they, in a huff, she turns and follows him, and they exit down the hall. Did she just lean out of a film nor a shadow with him? This is going so great. I would have thought him, but you were really, I feel like you really... I'm starting to feel, I'm sorry.

I mean, it's hard to study somebody's personality and sound through their books, but... Yeah, absolutely. How did you explode the table? You said we needed to lose. No, but... It makes no sense! It makes perfect sense to me. No table, no dice.

No dice. With gold. No. Jameson, you do not get to take the gold. You didn't win anything. You exploded the table before any of the dice could be revealed.

The table exploded itself. You, we all saw you explode. It is your word against mine, Jameson. How'd you know his name? He's got an tagging. Something's going on here. I would call security, but you're them. We'll be better. We're going to get better.

I'm going to tell someone. I'm going to tell someone about this. I don't know who yet. This is my first day. We haven't even taken off yet. Don't tell. We haven't taken off yet. Just then you feel the ship depart and you are on your way. I take the goal. He just gives you one.

of these. And he turns away and a huff, grabs a soda off the table, an undrunken fizzy water and starts to drink it. A short while later, dong, dong, dong, you hear three huge gong sounds,

which, as you know, is the call to dinner. Guests in evening finery are ushered into the grand ballroom. Passengers are eager. to get a glimpse of what is rumored to be, a floating five-star restaurant. Do you join them for dinner? Yes.

But we don't sit down. We actually... We'll stay in the periphery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just with our plate. As you enter... As you enter, you reach a grand, vast ballroom. But you, as the other passengers,

are shocked to discover a drab gray room. The walls seemingly cement, the table's unadorned, the decor is so minimal, it's almost brutalist. In fact, the only striking feature of the ballroom is the enormous broomstone chandelier in the center of the room, humming with energy. Dorn bangs his gong stick to get attention. Welcome, dong, dong, dong, welcome all to the grand ballroom. Dinner will be served in exactly 13 minutes. but first, his eminence your host, Balthazar Flamont, now wearing an even frillyer white tuxedo and tails,

swings down from a chandelier and lands in the center of the ballroom with Pannache. He holds a shining turquoise scepter. Bonsoir. You may be thinking, what is this drab, boring dining room, doing on Flairmont's fabulous ship? Why did I pay so much for a ticket only to be fed in a bed? big gray box. Well, don't worry, your ticket price will be justified. I didn't call it the hubris for nothing. For tonight, you could be dining in the ruins of Chattengrod. With a wave

of Flahermont's scepter, the walls shimmer with illusory magic. The entire ballroom transforms into an underground dig site with archaeological ruins and fossils in the walls. The tables transform as well into mining carts filled with gold and intricate artifacts. Or perhaps you'd like to dine in the lush city of Ancarell! And sure enough, with a wave of his scepter, it turns into a lush and colorful dining room

with velvet tablecloths, epic murals depicting Jamansa or defeating a dragon, and a buffet of fine Marquesian wine and delicacies. The crowd ooze in Oz. or perhaps something even fancier like a taste of Taldore. Instantly, you find yourself in a gigantic sizzler. It's a shitty buffet, greasy tables, breadsticks, a mouse scurries by. This time the audience laughs uproariously.

Horn checks a stopwatch, shaking his head, as you see. Tonight, we can take our meal anywhere in Exandria, but how to choose? Hmm. Why don't we let our special guest and master of security? Tarian Darington decide. Tarian, please, come on up here. After all, we've read all of his quests, why Mr. Derrington has traveled the world four times over. Tarian, of all the many exotic locales you have visited, where should we dine tonight? He looks at the rest of you. Wide-eyed, a slight darkened dampness begins to appear, in the center of his pants.

Oh no. He goes in, begins to walk towards the center where Balthazar is standing, reaches over and just grabs the thickest looking liquor off somebody's table and like takes it, gargles, and gorgh. Why, I must say, and he kind of looks himself for a second.

If it was a place to travel, at my behest, having seen all the great, wonderful, wonderful things around Exandria. I would say we should take it to Fuling. Googling? What's where his hometown? What is that? Where is that? It's a delightful, lazy wine town.

Oh, I know. Maybe not very picturesque, but the cobblestone streets are quite beautiful and the people are very nice. a friend of mine's grand grand there makes fine pies. Hazzar. But of course it is humble and yet appealing. It will remind us all of the days before we were wealthy elites, eh? I like it a lot.

With a wave of his scepter, the ballroom transforms into a feel-in, with its nearby plum groves. and it's the willow shade oil it produces. Is this Exandria in San Diego? Is this what's happening? Okay. No, there's lush tables with white tablecloths. Wine, it's sort of like what you would expect

the South of France in the summer to look like. There's vines, there's lush greenery, but it's simple sort of home style cuisine, bottles of wine already seemingly open on their own, on the tables, some stews bubbling in pots. It's very homey and it's a wonderful place to eat. After all, to have an adventure, you must begin somewhere humble, so you have somewhere to grow. So we cannot begin with the annals of history and grandiosity. We must get to the annals. We must get to better places.

Hazzar. So you just took a big swig of whiskey. You seem to be a much more capable actor all of a sudden. Can you roll a performance check with advantage? 14. Great. That is a one. That is a one.

He is delighted. delighted, he applauds and does a little golf clap. I will say, since you took so much alcohol, I guess, to get you in this frame of mind. Let's say that your other skill checks will be at non-charisma-related skill checks will be at disadvantage. Absolutely fair. Okay. There's a new guy. The new guy left. We got Terry now. Terry feels better? Yeah. That's good. You're dumb.

I can't understand this guy. That's okay. Everyone starts their meal, pouring wine, drinking drinks. All the passengers that you saw before are at different tables, scattered around the place. You guys are hovering the perimeter as security guards will. Every once in a while, Aria looks over at you with concern. She has a bandage on her arm now. And the meal seems to carry on as normal.

Albert, Albert print bandage? Or did... She changed it. God, fucking damn it. Albear bear. Are they little Cheeby Albear? This little mask over and over again.

Like Sanria stuff. I think Flimsy also comes back from that's like talking to people away. Of course. Oh my God. It's great. You almost didn't know that, notice that you pissed your pants. Yeah.

You're quite the Thesbian. Oh, God. Thanks. Your hometown is beautiful. Thanks. I'm gonna get into the drink. Wow. He's a lush, who knew?

After a bit, another dong, the gong rings again, and Dorn, the butler speaks, to welcome you all onto the hubris. Please welcome to the stage. The diva of Dracodia, the songbird of the Savalier Woods, Monsieur Dan Coldsnap.

Cold Snap takes the stage. How did they get Dan Cold Snow? His luchador mask snug around his face, everyone cheering wildly, his colorful jumpsuit shining in the alchemical lights. The room quiets to a hush. The band behind him begins to play a sumptuous operatic piece.

He opens his mouth to sing when, he cracks badly. It sounds like a duck. that swallowed a goose. He tries again, Oh! He's unsure what's going on. He looks panicked, and suddenly he says, I'm sorry. He flees the stage, mortified. Everyone gasps from the audience. Coltnap.

Flairmont is mortified, quickly takes to the stage to calm the audience. A thousand apologies, but it seems that Monsieur Colesnapp has encountered altitude sickness of some sort. We will send the cleric Robinowich to check on him, but in the meantime, I'm afraid we lack a performer for this evening. The drunken crowd, now drunk on wine, starts to boo and to hiss. Let's get up there. A voice from the audience shouts, We paid a fortune for this trip, Flaremont.

We want some gosh darn entertainment. Is there which one? How many passengers are on it? Is it just that sheet of paper? No, no, no. Those are the most exclusive. Got it. I thought like it was just them. No, no, there's dozens.

There's dozens of passengers and valets and waiters and there's probably 130 people gathered in this ballroom altogether. Hazel, get up there. This is your moment. Can I throw a little bit of a prestidigitation to like help Dan Coldsnap just a little bit? Dan's cold snap is, he's,

He's running out. You were texting him. I was texting Dave Heatwave to let him know that he should tune in for Dan Coldsnap. Oh, I don't know of this Dave heat wave to speak up. I invented Chad,

invented Dan Coldsnap. So wait. He's gone. Yeah, that's why he's... He should go perform. She'd just text him to not worry about him. I want to follow, though. I want to follow John.

Buddy and I can handle the entertainment. I'll go check on Dan. I'll help with you too. Okay. I steer buddy up on stage and I go, one, two, three. If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits? Brue. To make sparks fly around Buddy's shoulders.

Which because I used my Tides of Chaos feature means I have to roll on the wild magic table. A wild magical. Okay, this is great. That performance is going to, but right now it's just acapella. Is anyone going to provide any musical accompaniment? person who is a walking band, possibly. I kind of walk in in time as I'm looking for Dan, so you hear, don't, dunk, dunk, don't.

Okay, great. Dan is out the hallway. You can pursue him for sure, if you'd like. I get the crowd clapping. I'm gonna grab us the symbols off of her back. Are you gonna go on stage or go with her? I'm gonna stand at the bottom of the stage and just go, kshh. Great, accentuating their performance.

Trust up like a million dollar trooper. Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper. Cooper. Super. This is great. So you rolled a minor illusion to help this and then rolled on the wild magic table. Okay.

So, up to three creatures of my choice that I can see within 30 feet, take 1D10 necrotic tables. image. Amazing. Does your minor illusion to spell work, or does it also fail? It's a can't trip. So it works. It works. And what is the illusion that you create? I created sparks to fly off of Buddy

visually as he hits the moment. So you, Farrowin, Buddy and Mac all roll performance checks. This is a group performance check to see if you guys are putting on a good enough show for the crowd. Go ahead. You're part of this

too. Buddy Mac. I'm using the scale of dice. They're also available shortly. Oh no. It's a group check. Travis, you're in this too. Performance check? Yeah, performance check.

Natural one. I rolled an 18. I can't tell which one you rolled. 18. Not this? 18. Okay. I still don't know what you rolled.

What did you roll? Nine. Oh, no. You can tell by the shifting awkwardness of the crowd, this is not going well. It's not over yet. There's still a chance to maybe rescue this performance if anyone wants to help.

I'm still running to Dan Coltsnap. You're going after Dan Coltsnap. Albear Man, you're the only person left who can turn this ship around. All right. Let's see. Everything's going on. What kind of chandelier is it?

It's a broomstone. Floating groomstone. And it is connected to a whole bunch of wires and actuators, and it seems like it is an integral part of the functioning of the ship. Okay, so that's moving on to plan B. I suppose I'm going to hop up. Yes.

Flip onto the bar, come running, pull out a boomerang and use it to crash the symbols as you're going. Oh, nice. Great. Okay. And I pull out a bell with my other hand and start. Obviously very off key, up feet, so maybe he'll be able. I apparently have a bell, so I'm going to also then start trying to do a bell walk.

It's in my inventory, I don't know. Caleb Dyson live! These are! Just rolled by Liam O'Brien. Signed by Sam Rage. I don't know why I signed it. You just put stuff signed it. Maybe we should just sign.

We should all sign it. We'll sign it. Yeah, we'll do a spread. I'm hoping between the acrobatics, the bell, and otherwise I can just distract. So you're hoping that you're gonna save this performance single-handedly by playing a bell and smashing a symbol. With a boomerang.

With a boomerang. All right, let's see if this works. I guess roll either a performance check. All right. You can show. I was that in an action. Al-Buca. Yeah, we're not going that hard.

Oh, God. You got this. Whoa. Oh, no. That's cocked. Nine. Can I make the attack to see if the boomerang hits at least? Sure, go ahead.

That's so late. 13. Wait, if your boomerang hit the symbols? Yeah. Yeah, it hit. With the 13? Sure. It just makes a big old clang.

And it falls on the field. It falls on the field. Just one of them. Clink, clank, clunk. Yeah, it's not great. It's not great. It's not great. The crowd doesn't quite know what to make of this performance.

I double checked. Cantrips do not trigger the wild magic, so I did not accidentally kill three people. Great, that's amazing. Caleb was a disaster. Nice set, five 20. It is a disaster. The crowd is not entertained. There's lots of, there's like a scene. from the audience and no other reaction. One just going through a plastic bag.

Yeah, for a candy. You, oh, you, boy, I wanted to give you these, but I can't. And the meal sort of continues in a very awkward fashion with Flairmont kind of scowling at you. You hear in the back of your head the one words of Terry and Darrington sort of echoing in your ears as if a memory, remember, you must take any opportunity to show off of the crowd. Your performances means the very future of the brigade, brigade, brigade. Pregade. Hazzar! It's not going great, guys. Can I try something else? Sure. As we shittily finish our musical performance,

Can I get up on the stage and start, like, silently going through, like, my monk movement and, like, trying to do, like, a visual performance, at least, and, like, make it, like, a... Okay. Using the silence and, like, amping it up. You are a monk. I would allow you to roll, I guess, again, performance check for that, with advantage, though, because you're doing monk... Munch shit? Don't Munch shit.

Super desperate modern dance. Yeah. Roll for Dream Valley. Can it be acrobatics? Sure can. That's 20. Yay! That's really good.

A few of the crowd, doesn't quite understand what's going on yet, but they seem interested in what you're doing. It's a step in the right direction. The movements seem to be enchanting, and so deliberate and precise that they are attracting a few eyeballs, but you'll probably need more than that if you want to win the entire.

crowd of 100 people on your side. If anyone wants to aid or do Juster Dice, Arline. The one I rolled a one. Missile Snail, I don't know. Not yet released. Not yet released. Who in the audience looks to be the least impressed?

The least impressed? Well, obviously, Aria is one of them. But Evangeline Frost is writing everything down, scribbling in her notebook, the Bird Lady. just scowling at this. Cast charm person on her. Oh. And I walk up and kind of, you know,

with a hand out to my side. Go ahead and just try and see if I can garner her sympathies onto our side. So it's wisdom-saving throw. Available Monday. Available Monday. Go ahead and

is this a save? Wisdom-saving throw. Okay, here she goes. She rolled. an eight plus five because all my characters have a plus five for everything. So that's a 13. DC12. So I go and be like,

ha, fantastic performance, don't you think? No, I don't. Is this your people, Mr. Darrington? I just run away. I just run out of the room. We'll sprint. Amazing. Anyone else doing anything or are we just watching Farrowin dance around silently on stage?

We're trying to go get the name before. Yes, okay. You guys have gone out into the hallway to follow Dan Coldsnap. Cold snap. You're calling out for Dan Coltsnap? He turns around his luchador mask facing your way. $660. What do you want?

What do you want? What's going on? Are you okay? I mean, you're saying. such an incredible performer. I, I, I, what's going on with your voice? I don't know, I don't know, honestly. I was feeling fine earlier today, but I, I, something happened in my voice. I, I, I need to find the doctor, the physiker and get some sort of, let's go, I'll help you find Rabinwitch, Rabinwitch, Witton, Vich, Vich, Vich, Vich, Vibravindovich.

Fleravlovich, yes. Yes, yes. You're sure that this isn't a, a case of cold feet? Just a little bit of stage fright. Yeah, yeah, that's a thing. I never get stage fright. I'm one of the coolest performers I've ever seen. You had made all of the legendary songs. Don't leave me here today. And of course, your famed theme song for the show,

Strange Children. Yes, which is my very favorite. Yes. Absolutely. Yes, that famed show. Strange children. We're all. Strange children. You know my work.

Of course. Amazing. You're one of the greatest bonds. Huge fan. Huge. Huge. Huge. I don't have any stage fright, no.

Something just suddenly came over me. I've lost my voice. I don't know what it could be. All right, we need to take you to the doctor because I feel like something weird is going on. Can you see, can you touch your toes? What? Just gonna run on various tests, cognitive tests.

He leans over, he can touch his toes. Okay, I'm going to put up a red sign, and then the second it turns green, you're going to press it, all right? I'm going to do some cognitive tests. I'm going to run them through a couple of cognitive tests. I'm going to try some different stuff. Yeah, he seems, the cognitive tests that you're running through, he seems distracted.

He seems ill. He seems like, why don't you roll a medicine check to see what's going on? Can I? I'll aid you. Sure, aid away. So roll with advantage. Okay. Oh, it was the same, but that's okay.

Medicine. Nine. Oh, boy. It's not what I do with the best. I'm just going to give him a healing word. Great. Along with this. He appreciates it, and, oh, that helps a lot.

My voice is still a bit messed up, but I don't feel as bad. So thank you for that. What was your name again? Hazel. Hazel Copperpot. Yes, thank you. Inventor of the Hazel Copper Pot, 3000. 3,000.

I know it well. Yes, we bards know each other very well. Although I've been using the Cold Snap 4,000. He pulls out a small box. When he starts getting close to Hazel, I'm just to say, I'm like, don't breathe on it. I don't want her to get sick. You followed me.

That's a very good point. Continue. He has a magical silver disc that he pops into a small box and closes the door and it starts spinning. And it makes a tinny sound of a song, Strange kids. Strange kids. For children. It's a facsimile of his famous song, but it is producing a pretty good sound, and it's a much more compact number than yours.

Oh, damn. What? What? I would like to know the same thing. Where did you get the idea from that? You know, this is copywritten intellectual property over here. Copper written? Yep. Copper written. Uh-huh.

You wrote it. It's a hazel copper pot. Because you wrote it. Of course. Yes. Um, is it? Did you steal my idea? Dan.

So what if I did? What are you gonna do about it? Your security on this ship, you're not a performer. I'm gonna grab it. I'm gonna grab the cold snap 4,000 out of his cold, dead hands. Contested strength roll? No, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna fucking kill him. You guys are the best security going to time. Yeah, I'm gonna snatch it out of his hand. Are we gonna take them out one by one? I don't fully understand what we're doing. I know. I don't know what our goals are. Technically, you protect people from getting killed

by strangers if you kill them yourself. That's true. Is this true? Is this great logic? The Darrington Brigade Dark Urge run. Yeah. I'm gonna snatch him out of his hand. All right, contested strength rule. He's gonna try to hold it tight.

14. 11. You grab it from his cold dead hands. You grab it from his cold snap hands. And you have the cold snap 4,000. Before he even realizes that it's in my hand. That's mine. How did you, we got to reverse engineer this.

Run! What? I run away. Run away with the cold snap. I just stay there. Ting, ching, ting, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Your friend just stole my thing. You stole my thing.

He's the thing. Help. Help. We just, we got to, you got to see the doctor. Help. That's all it takes, and buddy and I start, Bhr-B-B-B-H-H. I think it's about now that I should point out that as I ran out

and, like, sat on the wall, that, because I cast Charm Person, it does finally trigger the wild magic surge. And for the next minute, any flammable, non-matchical objects I touch that aren't being worn or carried, burst into flame. Oh, my God. How could you have fucked this up so bad? What do you mean? I'm going off the script.

Okay, so anything that you touch, it starts burning. For the next minute, anything that's not worn, and if it's flammable. Are you touching anything? I think I probably run out of the hallway and like, and I'll go over, I probably see Hazel running this way, and I go, oh, thank goodness, just put my hand on one of the hallway curtains. Tapestries and curtains. Okay, it catches on fire. That's amazing.

Hazel, you're running back towards your friends, and you see that Ferris has set the room on fire. Hazel, new guy. I try and pat it out. Good fan, it's a good thing. The fire spreads. Outside the Grand Baldwin, everyone is still very curiously watching Ferroen prance around like a room.

But someone in the back of the room yells, Fire, fire, fire! Fire! And everyone turns to see smoke billowing in through the door that you all left out of. Oh, no. As the fire spreads from one tapestry to two in the hallway. I turn to the nearest person who's yelling fire, and I cast blindness on them.

What? They can't see it. What? We have to kill, Hazel. We have to take her out. This is... Oh, no. The logic is there.

That's not. That's true. Finally, there's a thing I can do. Well, yeah. Buddy sees flames and understands that for a change and goes, uh-oh, that's not good. And he just starts chucking towards the fire out the door, paying no regard to Mac up top.

So we probably take a little knock of the head through the doorway. And then I'm going to use my massive size to just like press into the fire and like hopefully snuff it out. Okay, this is great. Great. I don't even know what to roll here. This is some sort of a Constitution check. Let me look here. Not animal handling. You're called, Dad. You're smothering fire with your body. Let's just do a straight Constitution check. That's an election one. Oh, no. Jesus. Unbelievable.

Well. Well, this is great. This was great. Oh my God. Go ahead. Yeah. Just, yeah. I want to know how this works out before I do anything.

I'm just too excited by how this fails. Buddy is on fire. And he's stumbling around setting everything else on fire. Toss my Everlight Temple aside and spring into action. How do you spring into action? I haven't gotten that far. I run and I grab a couple tablecloths as I make my way straight to the to the door with the smoke Great.

And I'm going to smother, smother buddy and put them out. As you run, you grab these two tablecloths, you run by someone from the audience, someone from one of the passengers who is saying, oh, I can't see anything. There was a fire and I'm sure there still is. But I also can't see now. I feel the problem for later. I feel smoke. I feel the heat and I hear the commotion all around me. Alright, you've made it out to the hallway.

The fire is spreading on Buddy and the tapestries. I'm gonna start by trying to put Buddy out with the tablecloths. While that's going on, I'm gonna grab some pictures of water. I'm seeing it from the stage. I'm gonna run by and grab pictures of water. Please. Put water on the fire. Put water on the fire.

Yeah, it goes out instantly. Flairmont comes running out. What depends. Did you, he sees you, there's a burning fire, a buddy. Nothing's wrong. Cold snap is sick. There is an arsonist on the loose, but we, a security, managed to take care of the fire immediately

and will find the one responsible. Do not worry. Yes, there's chaos. It also might be cold snap. Thank God we were here. Cold snap, made fire. We're going to have to kill Hazel. We're going to have to fucking kill.

Richie woke up and chose violence today. That is a rather strong accusation you're making. A cold snap has been a famous performer through Wildmount and beyond for years. And it also be into phyro-technics? He fled. And shortly thereafter, The fire broke out.

Persuasion. Both of you? North of 10. North of 10. Come on. Come on. National 19 for a 23. Okay.

19 for a 19. Okay. Flairmont, itching for a scapegoat, wheels on cold snap. You, how dare you do this to me? I don't quite understand why yet. Since I am paying you a year, huge sum to be here and perform for me.

Why would you do this? But we will get to the bottom of this. Security. Indeed. Arrest this man. Right, since I'm next to Colin Snap. Dice are loud. She's been rolling hot, bit high, bit high. They're pretty.

Aren't they? I'm just, those are very beautiful. They kind of match the gesture dice. Yeah, but like they're the... It takes this man, takes this man to the ballast room downstairs. We will hold him there for us. What floor?

Oh, they are. Okay, buddy's got him lifted in the air like three feet off the ground. Cold Snap is not a fighter. He doesn't resist. I mean, he's struggling and he's cursing. What are you doing to me? Why are you doing this to me?

I like your music. Thank you, but, ah, ah. Come on. Cold Snap. We're gonna get you better. Okay, and you take him down to the ballast room to sort of imprison him. It's on the lowest deck.

Expans. Expans. Yes. The one thing you guys have learned is the names of the decks. How's the feel, Sam? How's the feel? Not great, Matt. Skip, skip, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete.

Delete. Delete. Okay. Well, the Vaxil Dan dice that's all for $450. Available Monday. All right, so we go and we put them down in the brig. No windows. One door. It's a dark, dank storage room with drums of sand and large stones for counterweights to keep the ship balanced.

There's boxes of spare rigging and bags of salt and sugar stored in there, but not much else. You are in the ballast room with cold snap, who is still confused. confused and irritated that he's being brought down here. What is going on? Why have you brought me down here? I didn't start the fire. It was always burning since this ship's been flying. One has to wonder why you got up on stage. Not ready to sing. You would think being cold snap,

you would have warmed up. I did. It was very cool. Why? Oh, God, I heard it now. We're gonna level with you. We're part of a super secret security force that's been tasked with protecting you and putting you in here is the only way to keep you safe. Go on. Yes, you're actually a high-value target, and that means we have to strip you of all your niceties,

put you in here, and throw away the key. That way, no one has access to you. It's true. The minute you leave here, you'll wind up dead and bleeding on the deck. There are many individuals on this ship that want to see you Caput. That's a throat cut. You're very safe here.

I think you should stay. Is that why my voice suddenly went out? Someone is trying to poison me or throw me off my game? Most poisons take three or four doses to actually kill you. Oh, is your throat messed up here? Did you drink anything? I'll cast lesser restoration on them. As you do,

oh, thank you. That really helps. Yes, there was something had been put on me. I don't know by whom. But you feel like it was something you ate, something you drank, or you feel like it, It happened to you just in an instant. I, uh, I don't recall I boarded the ship.

I, uh, we were all handed champagne flutes when we, when we boarded. Did we have champagne? No. You work here. No, you stole stuff. Yeah, they did not for us, honey. They is you.

You're the employees of the ship. Whatever, we can get that out, move on from there. What are you, what are you, what are you? So you had your champagne? My champagne, I made conversation with a couple of the higher profile VIPs, and then it was time for my performance. I warmed up downstairs. Everything felt fine until I got on stage, and then something went horribly wrong. I noticed the same thing happened to us. We normally perform really well, and lately we've been doing like shite jobs. Real bad. Shite. Speak to yourself.

You're so Irish. I know. Do you think there really is some sort of dark force at work on this vessel? Most definitely. Can you think of anybody that would wish you ill? I'm a beloved performer. Everybody loves me. I did this crazy 24-hour marathon thing.

Everybody seemed to like it. Do you have any previous relations with any of the passengers? that happened to be on this ship? I've performed at most of their homes, functions. I've met most of the VIPs before. Why, is there someone specifically you're interested in? No, I'm just trying to get to what macaroni was saying. Is there anybody out here that has any...

Keep in my phone, you know, has any ill will towards you. I mean, I can't say anyone specifically, but why don't you roll... Just roll an insight check. to see if he's concealing anything. Great. Wonderful. 23. Whoa. Okay. Yes, you do get the sense that he is being a little cagey about something.

He won't, he won't, he's concealing something. Let me say something. I feel like you're being a little cagey with me. I feel like you're hiding something. You want to spit it out? I'm nod. You, you... We can't keep you safe unless you are honest with us. There it is. Terry. That was good.

All right, listen. I heard, I overheard some, some conversation earlier. Between two of the passengers, they were talking about, they were talking about, they were talking about the broomstone. If it had any weakness or when it would be guarded. I didn't really think anything of it. I asked what they were talking about, and they said not to think about it too much, and they said sort of just carry on about your day. And I was worried that the ship might be unsafe, and that they had noticed some sort of flaw in the propulsion of the vessel.

But who was it that was saying? Well, there was two people speaking. It was this dragon-born woman, and she was speaking. and she was speaking to Flairmont's man. The Butler? Yes, Dorn, yes. Doryne. Elias Dorn.

And the dragon born lady. Interesting. I would describe them as more of like a milky white. Yeah, but sometimes when they get in the light, there's like some things for a great. They are very beautiful. Interesting. We appreciate this information.

That Terry and Darrington and his Darrington Brigade will get to the bottom of this. You keep low, keep out of sight, keep quiet, or you will be murdered, bloody. And just as you say that, the door to the ballast room slams shut behind you, three locks are thrown. All of us?

Plunging the room into pure darkness. and that's where we'll go to break. Hey guys, I think we found the story. Yes. We're locked in a room with the plot. Damn it! It caught us! In the room with the plot. Sam, yes, you lost insanity we've had on our plates in a minute.

That was hilarious. Am I there? Am I in the room? Or am I running down the ship? No, we... I think we all, we're all magical. We should officially send a break so this guy could go away. Didn't I do that? Do it again.

Send to break. Well, hello there. This is Liam O'Brien, popping in here to thank all the incredible artists that help bring our stories to life. We are continuously amazed at the artwork this community creates on the regular. That's why every Thursday at 8 a.m. Pacific, we share a curated gallery of submitted fan art over at critroll.com.

If you'd like to submit your art for consideration, head over to critroll.com slash submit. Seriously, we love to see all the incredible pieces you talented artists create. Thank you. It's been quite... It's been quite a couple days, guys. We've raised so much for charity.

I actually don't know how much. 70-something. No, it's more than that now, right? Yeah, I'd be over that now. We should probably have asked during a long break. We'll figure out. Do we have enough? Wait, wait, wait, curbs is working on it? 79,000.

Yeah! I feel like we can hit 80. Yeah, we can. For sure. We're gonna do it right now. Try. Come on. Okay, where did we leave off?

Oh yes. We got locked in a small dark place. You guys are security. Live. Vex Funk Co is live. Hey! Get it. These are hard to get.

You're gonna sign that. You're gonna sign that. Oh, this is the witchy. The witching one, too. Oh, wow. Wait, this is, I was gonna sign this the other day, and I was like, I need a paint pen, so I didn't sign it. But I'll sign it with a paint pen when I get a paint pen.

Sign it with a paint pen. Seven paint pen. Those are, that would cost a lot of money. I'm gonna sign every word with a different color because that's what you do with Funkos. Uh-huh. Is that right? Apparently.

Apparently. We're back on the show where the Darrington Brigade with good old Ferris, I don't want to insult you. No. has been posing as Terry and Darrington and has gotten the Darrington Brigade in a bit of a pebble.

You guys have found yourself locked in the ballast room with a guy you tried to rob, you did rob. Then accused of arson. And then begged

him to help you solve a case. I didn't. I did. He's helpful. Because Dave, Hewiv, I'm sorry, Dan Coldsnap is a nice guy. And he sees

a kindred spirit in you guys. He sees that you guys are strange children just like he is. You're trying to endear us to him? It's too late. He's locked in a room with you. If you want to kill him, you can't. He has nothing left.

He has seven of you, and he is not a lot. I don't have stats for him. So does anybody know how to open locks or like knock through the door? It's pitch black in here. I cast light. I have blindside. You look through the darkness of terrain that you are familiar with because it is the same color as your heart.

That's true. And then light gets cast right in front of your face. No! So, we hate it. We hate it. It's a dank dark storage room. It's now not dark anymore. It is just dank.

And yeah, the door's locked. It's a metal door. We're stuck here forever. We might as well start procreating. And I start to smash the door with my great club. Using brute strength? Yeah. Amazing.

Let's do it. Roll to hit. It's a... What do I... Is it have an AC this door? A super low AC? I roll the 19. You're gonna hit the door.

Yeah. What kind of damage do you do? I do. 1d4 plus nine. What do you say? 1d4 plus 9. It is 12 points of bludgeoning damage. Great, the door is bent.

It's still on its hinges. It's not, it's not damaged enough to pry it open yet, but it is damaged. We're stuck. Lute in my inventory. It's in my art that I was playing a flute. I couldn't fucking play to flute. Sure. Is that gonna help? Yeah, that would have helped a lot. I'm gonna play the flute right now. Or any of the instruments. Oh, I could have done

this earlier. Maybe to open the door. Oh, okay. You play a melody on the flute, hoping to coax it open with the magic of just music. Okay. All right, roll a performance check. Great. Oh, Dan, Cod, snap. Guidance. Great. That's excellent. 26. Is it a magical flute? Nope. But we're peaceful now. Yeah, it's such a nice song. Dan Coldsnap is like,

I wish I could record this on my Cold Snap 4,000, but you took it from me. I snap in a new wax cylinder. Start recording it in real time. You're spiteful recording? Yes, I am. Anything to save for yourself, Cold Snap? I'm sorry, I stole your time.

technology. It's just, it's advanced. And I just feel like the future is physical media. I agree. That's what I've been saying for years. People are going to want to own music and have it on physical disc. Cool. I'm examining the door. It's still on its hinges. It's still on its hinges. It's still on its hinges. It's bent I'm gonna use, well, the lock I think is already broken. I think I'm just gonna use the wisdom of the bear

and remove the hinges from the door. Bears are very clever. Zands owl. Yeah. Owls can go fuck themselves with this. They say they have wisdom? It's just fucking marketing. There's one thing that bears know, it's door hinges.

It's hinges. Go ahead, use wisdom of the bear. Which is a strength check. I'm just gonna play. Okay. Wism of the bear. Straight up, straight up strength. Yes, please.

Bear down. 14 on a straight strength check. Okay. What does Al Bear Man to fuel the rage that he feels and the desperation to get out of this blackness that is consuming you? What memory does he think of? What moment from his life? What wrong?

What tragedy? What trauma fuels him? He thinks about the letter. That letter that was delivered just six months ago from Bearman's Owl Emporium, demanding that he stopped using the tame, Albear Man. They even came and took his trusty sidekick,

Albear Horse. He's had to walk to Terry's house ever since. That was more than a vehicle that was his friend. No! but it just starting it with his fist, just so angry and just attempting to snap the. But specifically at the hinges. Yeah, basically.

Angerly. The darkness, the rage, the injustice, fueling him, Albear Man kicks through the door. It lands in a heap, the dust clearing the way open. We will. We will. Yeah, no. You didn't guide me.

I don't mean it because I'm here to destroy the hinges of litigation. Oh! Oh! Yes! Okay, the door's open. What would you like to do? I shut it and I lock it. Well not.

Is there any sign scent in the air that might connotate a person who locked it on us? Oh, wow. A scent in the air? Do you have heightened sense? No. Just a question. Oh, cool.

I guess just roll a perception check. Is it still dark in the hallway? No, no, the hallways like. We're investigation. I was about to say, yeah. Are there footsteps? Can I look for clues? Yes, everyone do investigation.

You can do investigation check if you're looking at. 13. 13. I mean, you can still smell the faint scent of smoke from the ballroom fire. There doesn't seem to be any distinct odor yet. Four. You see small indentations in the carpet. It could be someone who was walking or running earlier. They lead down the hall of the deck. 16. Oh, no, you killed. 23. Yeah. Yeah. Kill it.

Yes, you also see those same footprints. Footprints. I see footprints. And you see footprints. You see. I, in a small, a small tear of a bandage on the ground. It's got the Owl Bear Man logo on it or part of it. Fucking shady coont. You know it was her. I told you she was a shady coont. Yes. I think this is her.

Can I? She wasn't shady. And then we pissed her off. And now she's shady. Oh. I agree. You pissed off there. A shady coon't. A shady count?

Yeah. As you guys are gathered there talking about this, as your Can I, can I listen back to my audio recording and enhance? I'm going to lower the bases. I'm going to mid-hyes. I'm going to get rid of the loads. Just going to make it tell me shit. I want to isolate. I want to isolate. I want to isolate. You hear nothing. She's just got a butter knife. The wax on her side.

That noise just kind of sounds pretty. You've invented industrial. I couldn't find anything. What is this recording of? I'm sorry. Just when I was recording just now to see if I could pick up any whispers in the distance. Oh. Like anything like if I could hear.

It hats. Okay. Roll a... This is horseshit. It's not gonna work. Oh, I know. It might help us figure out the person we already figured out it is. So let's try it. Yes, but maybe I can pick up her voice.

You know, pick up her voice signature, her imprint. Yes. Wait, what am I doing? You're rolling a investigation check. Instead of just the healing plasma from her scratch. Right. Her voice. Mm.

Mm. Five. Buried deep in the audio, you hear the faint sound of, Yes, it is me, Ario O-Wa. I am locking them into the door. Here I go. Up they on figure, I know. I'm gonna go back and lock it even more.

I hate this guy so much. What is this on my arm? Let me take off bandit and throw it on ground. Hold on. I know this will keep them in the long time so I can continue my plans. That was me. Oh, that was a five? Wow. Imagine what you have gotten on 20. I take it.

I put it through my speakers. And when you hear, it was me, Ariya Alari, and then I used that as the lead-in before I drop the bass. the bass. Area Alari, Aria, Alawi, Aria, Alawi, A lauri, A lauri, Aure A laura, Aure A laura, Aria, A laura, Aria, A laura, uh, Dan Cold Snap, Dan's cold snap joins in. He, he hears this fat beat and bass drop, and he grabs his cold snap 4,000 and sort of tethers it to your copper pot 3000 and he adds

a high, a high end frequency that's that's sort of like Oh, oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh, oh, oh, oh. So keep them blocked in there. And then you guys just

Rex and Trump bass. It just invented a new music. Rex and trum and bass. Do we live down here now? The door's open. It's been a long time. All right, let's go find this. What have you done?

Let's go. Marisha Ray, ladies. Yeah. So just as you guys are just kind of horsing around doing bullshit. Flair Mott comes running up down the hall with Captain Matt Damon. And a couple of, are you taking pictures right now? You gotta see Omar.

I'm trying to rescue the plot. In the spotlight. It's all cute. Ashley's gone. Leave your chair. You fucking penis wrinkle. I can hear the cackling of the crew. Has never been louder.

Oh, God, dude. Hey. Actually, cute dog. All right. Let's do it. Home stretch. All right. Claremont, Matt Damon, and a couple of beefy deck hands run up and say, he, he, it is him.

He is the one who knocked me down and stole my scepter. He arrest Terry and Darington. Wait, what? I didn't know such thing. You noticed that Flairmont has a big bruise on his eye and the, the scepter that he was carrying in the big ballroom is gone. His clothes are torn, and yeah, his cat faces all scratched up. You did this to me, Terry and Darington. Do we see Butler Elias Dorn anywhere?

He's not there. We've been down in the lower decks this all time. Yes, great master, Plymouth. We were stopping a very talented fire starter, and we're returning to help after we freed him. After. It wasn't me. Why is the door off the hinges?

Why have you destroyed my ship in multiple places? We were locked in there. I get this. By whom you are security. I'm so sorry. Could you say your words more careful? I can't understand you. I'm so sorry, but this man,

if it even is Terry and Darrington. Why, how dare you? What? That's crazy. There have been accusations. brought to my attention that you are an imposter. How do we know that you are who you say you are? Ask me any question about my adventures,

and I can answer them for you. All right. He's getting better, he's getting better. He's beginning to believe. Which book came after the things they tarried? Was it 50 Shades of Terry or the blonde hair of courage? I know this one, I know. It looks over, towards it.

He looks over and I tell him which one it, I like, wink out which one it is. How do you do that? What's a wink? You're morse-coating it with your eyes? Yeah, I'm morse-coating it with my eyes, telling him which one it is. Do you know me-horse coat? This is one solid iris. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just like really trying to get the thought to him. It's that one. Do you have any magical spell that can assist you or any sort of, of anything besides vibes. It's just can't, emphasis on can't. Can I make a history check? Yes, you can make a history check. I'll make a history check.

I will use a luck point. A unique word to say pube. That's gonna be 14. You have done some research. I've read them all. You've read them all and you know for a fact. Not 50 Shades of Terry. And it was not the point.

blonde hair of courage. It was a trick question. You know that it was the Adventures of Huckle Terry Finn. What a fool thing. It was the adventures of Huckle Terry Finn. I wrote it myself. Says every author? I would assume so.

Yes. Yes. I guess me about myself. How did I do. Hazzar. Well, if you are the real Terrians and who knocked me down and stole my scepter just a moment ago.

We will find them as the security on the ship, but you must step aside and trust in us so we can stop them, for no one else in the ship can. I got that scepter. Darrington Brigade, unite. Engage. Engage. That too. Forward. March. A group persuasion check. Right. So we all are persuading?

Well, I mean, you're all doing this. One. Nine. I don't know what you rolled. Nine. 11. I'm ignoring all buddy rolls from here on. I don't know. What? 23. Oh, yes, 23.

21. 21. 12. Okay. 11. 21. Uh-huh. Something. Nine. And. Five.

Boy, it really is. It's down to you. You're the tiebreaker. What did you roll? It's nine. Shit. I'm telling you. But nine plus two is 11. You pass! I'm sorry I ever doubted you, says Flairmont. They went that way down, up one deck towards the Grand Ballroom. Thank you, Mr. Flanmon.

We will see that your ship and those upon it are kept safe. Why did you say safe like that? Because Hazzard! I'm right. Okay, off you go. As you guys run down the hall, you feel a giant shimmy of the ship as it lists to one side. Let's all do it together.

Oh, oh, the whole ship is vibrating in a, it's just vibrating. And yes, you don't know where it's coming from. Where would you like to go? The ballroom. You're going to the ballroom. You're going to the ballroom. Okay, you rush to the ballroom as fast as your little legs can carry you. You get to the ballroom where you just sort of left. It has been cleared out

because all the guests left at the first sign of fire. But except as you approach the ballroom, you pass in the hallway one passenger, an elderly man. Sold for $630.00, an elderly man who says to you, please, please help me, I can't see anything. I don't know where I am. Everyone ran away. Healing. The spell only lasts like 60 seconds since this is his problem now. I don't know. Just wait there for like 40 more seconds you'll be fighting.

I bend down and I wipe the thick gravy in his eyes. I can see again. Indeed you can. This miracle brought to you by Terry and Darrington and Darrington Brigade and I push him aside and we keep running. I will remember this moment. push him to the ground and you keep running. He hits his head, he goes blind. You keep running.

That's a restoration. Somebody feel like we're heroes. Okay, he's... I help him up. Now be on your way. But remember, the Darrington Brigade saved you. I will always remember this day and how well you treated me.

I do press the digitation to make like one of those halos kind of above her. I will tell you a story wherever I go as long as I live. He runs down the hall, alive. It's set. Taking the house from the story, two days later he dies tragically. Unrelated to any of this, a runaway cart runs him over. It's terrible.

Oh, my God. That's not a scary cutaway. Except the unnecessary kind of one. We don't need that, man. We went to... Back to present. Oh, yes. Your act of kindness was so amazing

that it earned you something special from the DM. Four dye that you can use as inspiration whenever you need them. We got them. They all have Matt's face on them. Wait, what? No.

They were sent specifically for us. That's so cool. These are one of the kind Matt inspiration dice made by, I don't remember who. Dispelled dice. This is Dispelled dice. You can bid on these. You did this? You can bid on these right now.

Yes, you can. You can't get to keep them. You can bid on one right now. Wait, why just one at all? One at all. Oh, one at a time. Oh, one at a time. Okay, okay.

These are terrifying. Do we want to just go ahead and give these all the Mauritia? for her murders tonight? Yes. They'll sit on the table. You enter the grand ballroom and find that it has been transformed into wild. Bip, Bip, Bip, Bip, Bip, Bip. Oh, look, Omar's doing something cool.

Getting to believe. You enter the grand ballroom to find that it has been transformed into wild terrain. Flairmont's Scepter lays shattered on the ground near the main doors. There's a, there's a, Strangely, do a perception check as you walk in. Natural twin. Great. Natural 20.

Whoa. 31. 10. Albear Man and Mack see a couple different things. One, Mac spots right away a canvas lying face down on the ground. It's strange because it looks like a beautiful and fresh canvas, but it's sort of on its side. but it's sort of on its side. And Albaer's spots nearby a collection of Chart von Cleef's magical paints and paintbrushes

strewn about in a haphazard way. You all see that the room, this magical grand ballroom that was just once Ferris's hometown, has been transformed into a wild landscape of mushrooms, trees, moss, husks of trees, and mounds of dirt. Across the space is the largest, piece of broomstone.

One D6 sold for $870. Wow. Inspiration. Amazing. Amazing. So sorry. There is that large piece of broomstone still in the center of the room,

but it is now not part of a chandelier. It has been knocked to the ground. It's still glowing. It's still attached to wires and actuators and levitators, but it has been slightly damaged, which you assume is what the rocking of the ship was. of the ship was as these pieces of broomstone keep the ship afloat. In fact, I can show you what this room has now been transformed into.

Kayo, bring out that map, please. Oh, yay, okay, we got. Oh, okay, help, help, help. Help, help. Amaze, amaze, amaze. Hell yeah. Yes, Cail. Let's go.

Okay. Ooh. Ooh. Nice, Kayo. Nice, Kaye. Okay, okay. Oh, shoot, I might need one more. shoot, I might need one more. I'll figure it out later. Okay, you walk into the...

Is this the right? Yeah, I mentioned the orientation, yes. Orientation, yes. Oh boy, I hit the mic, sorry. You guys walk in from this side of the room. Where would you like to put your minis? There is... Oh, wow. Buddy. This is Mac. Mac comes on top. Okay, I'll just put you next to you now. Here is his little copper pot. Where do you guys... Okay.

Here is, it doesn't look like Terry and it looks like Ferris, but you're there too Ferris. Yep, I'm great right there. We have the Albear Man. Albar Man is, I think, trying to get up that tree. Yeah, like, yeah, right up there. Yeah, ready to. That's good. Farrow and Breeze, what an extra design.

And we've got Damien Vedelma. All right, I'm going to go the other side of Hazel Copper Pot. Turn here. Yeah, there we go. Okay, great. You've walked into the... into the room and you see the strangest sight. I don't have two of him, so I'm gonna use

two different minis for it. You see the strangest sight. You see Terry and Darrington standing right here. Terry? Terry and Darrington. And another figure that you can't quite make out is beyond in the back of the room, closer to the broomstone.

What's happened here? This isn't the bar room anymore. Hey you guys. No, that is an imposter. Legitimately. Me, I am no imposter. You are the imposter. Impossible imposter.

How dare you? Oh, shit. My whole shit just restarted. It's all good. Everybody look at Omar. It's okay. Then suddenly, another voice calls out. This is a bad mini, but it's another Terry and Darrington.

What? No, you both are impostors. How dare you? Hi, new guy! Wait, what? How are we supposed to know who's who? Both Terry and Daringtons look at you with malice in their eyes. Anything you guys want to do? Well, they could change the appearance of this room, so could they not change the appearance of themselves?

Let's knock out both of them just to be safe. That's a very good point. Uh, I'm, I'm ready to just go. So I would like to rage. Let's all roll for initiative, shall. Yeah, right. Woo. Oh no, I rolled high.

Oh shit, I rolled low. Okay, 25 to 20. Oh boy. 15 to 20. 16. 17. 15. 19.

Ooh. Macaroni, Samson. It's top. Hazel. Faisal. Buddy. Buddy, wait, who was 15, sorry? Not in me, flimsy.

Flemzy. Flemzy. 10 to 15. 14. 10? 5 to 10? Eight. All backwards.

Eight is Farrowin. And okay, anybody else? No, that's everybody, right? Okay, it is Terry and Darington's turn first. Which one? This one. He is going to move, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty, five, thirty, and cast a spell at you.

It's contrarian Darrington. He's going to cast a spell at, wait, where is, okay. He is going to cast a spell at you, Terry and Darrington. No! Let's see here, sorry, sorry, sorry. What is it? Okay, sorry. Make a wisdom saving throw.

I shall. Oh, that's a 19. Okay, you feel hot magic gripping your head, meaning to control you, but you resist, it resist its effects, you shake it off. Terry and Darrington looks at you, perplexed and confused. Damn Terry and Darington. The other, yes, and now it is, sorry, Hazel's turn.

Ah, um, my iPad just froze. Does Mac go first? Hang on. Yeah, I'm... I think Mac's up. Oh sorry, is it 17? But he got 19. Oh, I'm so sorry, you should have gone first first.

My bad. I forgot about Mac. Well, it happened. Uh, Mac and me. Anyway, go for it, Mac. How do we play this game? Um, uh, I will run forward towards Terry. How many fucking feet?

Uh, 225 feet. Yeah, you got it. You got there. And I'm gonna, I'm going to, I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna use spiritual weapon. Okay, what do you wanna do with this spiritual weapon? Uh, la la la la la la. I'm gonna summon it next behind Terry

and give them an old smack with it. Okay, got stuff for this somewhere. What does your spiritual weapon look like? Uh, it is, It's a big cast of Buddy's face. It's a big, googly-eyed. It's going to look like this flaming sword. Yep, sounds good.

Spathing sword is what it meant. And roll to hit. Is that how this works? Yes. That is 17. 17 hits, yes. Amazing. That does a whopping five plus three, eight points of comet damage.

Comet damage, great. Great. As you hit Tarian, His form flickers for a moment, but he maintains it. Next up is Hazel Copper Pie. All right, I'm going to run forward. I'm going to split the difference between the two tales of the terries. Sure.

Move yourself, yes. Somewhere around here, I don't know. And then I'm going to cast Bain. Okay, on which? On both? Both terries. Okay. Go for Bain.

The two Terry's, right? So far, it's just the two Terry? So there's just like another figure over. It was the secondary. Oh, okay, Terry too. Go ahead and Bain. I cast Bain, it's a charisma saving throw. Yes, please, let's do it.

That's you. Oh, that's me. I'm rolling a charisma saving throw. 14. Fail. I'll roll for the other one. Even worse. Fail!

Fail! Okay, they're both burn. That means I have to roll a D4 and take, and, and, reduce it for everything I do, right? Correct. Okay, great. And then I'm going to take my bonus action.

Bonus action. Playing a battled drum beat, and I am going to cast what do I, Bardick inspiration on Flemsey. Talison's Molly Mock tea leaf dice set that is signed is now live. There you go bid on it.

How do you inspire me? Oh, yes, how do you inspire him? I'm starting to, like, get a nice drumbeat. As I say, the two Terry impostors have no, I'm trying to do alliteration and I'm failing. Have nothing on the real Terry. Good alliteration. You are the real Terry, the true Terry.

There is no room for a trierian. Oh. On the contrary. Oh. Now we're getting in. into it. I don't know. I'm inspired. D6, D8.

Yes, in addition, you don't forget, you got the D6 Matt inspirations for saving the man. Okay, so they bane and I inspoed. Okay, next up on the list is Buddy. He just stands there for a second and says, Why are we attacking the new guy? Bad new guys, that way. That's bad, buddy.

Cross him! Oh! And he will lumber forward and stand. over Max space, so he's like under my legs. Oh, hi. And then I just look, kind of, he would technically be in the same spot. So I can't, so big, right?

And I'll just look down at the tarry in front of me and say, I'm sorry, you, I'm sorry. And I pull on this chariot, there's two levers, and he pulls one, and there's sort of like a little Frankenstein rod with a crystal at the top, and the crystal fires and crackles electricity. Whoa. And a streak of light.

lightning blasts through Contrarian Darington 1 and Contrarian Darrington 2. Oh, the line of all right. Oh, my God. This is a lightning bolt. The real Terry and Darrington made for Buddy. Oh, wow. That is 8 D6.

And I have to roll to save, deck save, yes. Dex save, this one's good. That's a 21. And this one is a 15. A 15. I don't have the DC ready, but I'm sure that's higher. So we'll say they take half damage. Half damage, so, 486 halved.

Yep, yep, yep. Damn. That dice just went for $1,325. This is a long may he rain. Long may he rain. 22, 24. So half damage is 12 points of lightning damage to both of the contrarians.

Okay, the first contrarian Darrington, his form flickers and falls He is now revealed to be none other than What was her name? Ariel O'Lani. It's her. The chat came up with her name. Ariolari.

Ariolari. Yes. Ariolari. Is the first Terry and Darrington. And you all notice that she is not holding a weapon, but she is holding a large square canvas in her hand. in her hand. Okay, next up is Flimsy.

Oh, that's my turn. I think as soon as they kind of fall back, is she like unconscious or just like lost the form? She just lost the form. I'm like, maha, imposter! I'm gonna go ahead and first, let's see, I'm gonna go ahead and cast scorching ray at her and the other Tarian Darington.

Get it. Coming out swinging. Yeah. Technically, it says I can spend a sorcery point as twin spell to increase it as a higher level to target an additional creature. That's true. Technically, it says create two additional rays, but those two additional rays could target another creature. Would you say that I could do that? I will say yes to anything.

Good. Making it work in my favor. All right, so. Let me go to bed. Yes. So with that, it's going to be, so there's three rays become four rays. I'm going to put two rays on the one in front of me and two rays on the one in the back then. Right, blast away. Is this a save for me or is this an attack for you?

I know, so me rolling to hit them. Okay, great. So this is a plus four attack modifier on them. Okay. 19 for the first one. Matt face, face, line. We got another one of these beautiful spell. Matt face dice. Oh, that's going to be a 24. 24 in the second hand. So both hit the, um, This, this, this, this, Ariararra. Arror. Arror. 18 on the other one. Hits.

And, dang, 18. Hits. Okay. Slimsy is not flimsy any more. It just screams out. Nine and eight. That's gonna be 17 points of fire damage on Ariari Aura. Ari Akson Fried.

Okay, great. And the one in the back takes 17 points of fire damage. Amazing. The one in the back also drops his form and you see the butler, Dorn, is back there behind them, also holding a big piece of rectangular canvas in his hand. Can we see the canvas at all? Sure, do a perception check.

Yeah, guess what? It's 15. What's his name? Scarf. Shart Von Cleef? Shart Von Cleef. It's a Sharp Von Cleef. It is a Sharp Von Cleef. Sharp Von Cleef is an incredible painter of many things. Buck!

He uses splatter painting, splatter painting techniques. But he's able to create hyper realistic landscapes, but also he loves to paint pictures of old monsters and ancient creatures. And this seems to be a monster from the, from legend and is beautifully rendered. The one that Dorn is holding back here, that's the one you looked at, looks like a dragon of some sort.

It's one of Brace Jim Seed's biggest inspiration, Shark Mountain Beach. What if the paintings are trapping the beast? Yeah. What would you like to do? Is that it for you? Flimsy and Albear's next, but are you done Flims? I'm gonna let it pass it.

I think Flimsy could do more, but Flimsy's also like, I can't believe I did that. It's amazing. Good job, Flams! But he looks at his hands after the produce fire and remember, last year he was setting the whole way on fire, he goes, that's too much power.

Over a thousand, binkie. Incredible. It is your turn. By the way, Doty is watching all of this and writing down your exploits furiously in the background. Okay, Owl Bear Man, it's your turn. Doty, take this down.

And I'm gonna just, I'm going to, first of all, I'm going to go into full owl rage. Not bearer man rage, I'm just hitting owl rage right now. Hoot? Hoot? Because I'm about to give a hoot. That was a war hoo! And I am going to...

Imagine if owl sounded like that? Junk and make an acrobatic flak. And while I'm up there, while raging, I'm going to throw a boomerang at, as I'm making my 30 feet. My 30 feet of... So you're running across the tree tops here? I do have a ring of feather fall, so I should be fine one way or another.

Okay. As you start to run up this tree, this vine comes to life and attempts to grapple you. Roll a dexterity save to see if you evade the grapple. God, he was a rogue barbarian. Yeah. Because of visual. I think I have advantage on deck saves.

Yes, I do. Yeah. So that is. Thank God. That actually, I rolled a D12. Let's try the other one. Okay, still the same. That's, yeah, that's 19.

Oh my gosh. The vines seem to come to life and grab at your feet, but Albear Man. Nuduces Dice. Chad Dice. No life. Oh, Cad. Chad Dice.

Chad Dice. You evade the vines with your owl-like rays. and power through and you throw your boomerang? Which one are you throwing it at? At her, like, yeah, the one I can see. This one back here, this is Dorn, this is the butler. I will throw it at the butler.

Okay, and they're bained. Okay, I make an attack roll. All right, remembering how this works. I'm gonna make this a, what's it called? An attack. I'm gonna make the attack where you have advantage on my eyes. attack and I'm gonna get advantage on this one. I can't remember what's going to be.

Ragey, it's extra ragey. That's a 17 to hit. Mm-hmm. Itch. So that means that I do 1D4 plus a D6 because it is my first attack of the Al-Rage. Yeah, and then that's plus two to the attack, so that's

Hey, yes. These dice are so fucking weird. I know, right? It's awful. Let's see. Caduce's dice that just sold for $720. Wow. 11 points of damage. Amazing.

Dorn takes the hit, bleeds a little bit from the side of his face, and we don't have time for this. Okay, next up is. Really quick, I actually do get, how far did I run there? I don't know, 30-ish feet. How far at your speed?

I'm gonna take one more boomerang at him, just for fun. Okay, go for it. Roll to a C if you hit. Do your boomerangs come back to you, or they just kind of clatter to the floor? If I missed. Okay, so they clatter to the floor.

Yeah. Okay, great. That's 18 a hit. 18 hits. Go ahead and roll for damage. That's nine points of damage. This boomerang, Dorn, was about to raise up his gong, his gong staff to slam it down

to make a gong, but you knocked it out of his hand, and he is hurt. Pretty bad, pretty bad. Okay, next up is Damien Vadoma. That's me. All right, so what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna put my hands through my, my, my boobies, my, what are those called?

Brass knuckles, brass knuckles, thank you. So which are the handles to my daggers, my stiletto. So I pull them out, and I run my thumb, along the blade and I the little bit of blood I put it on top of one of the the handles and I rub it across the giant might ruin on my blade which I grow I can imbue myself with the might of giants as a bonus action I can gain the following benefits I mean can large size I have advantage on strength checks and strength saving throws and my

weapon deals an extra 1d6 so I'll get big and then I will move forward to The first Terry, whoever I can get closest to. Labia. Okay. He's gotta go down, I tell you. Where is he? He's right there? This one's right here. Not Flint, not, it's another, another Terry.

Are we, Ariana Grande? Arenda? Wait, and where's the butler? Back here. Okay, I don't think I can get over there. All right, I'll start with, I'll start with. Ariana Grande? Yes.

Great. And I'm gonna take a slice. Slice away? Slice, slice, slice away. All right, let's see, that probably won't do anything. That was terrible. Hold on a second. 11? Does not hit.

Yeah. She ducks. And I get a second attack. Nice try. Oh, nice try, but you should have not tried. You sent to him. You sent to him. Oh, yeah, you got this guy.

All right, let's go, let's go. Should we try it? Matt, Matt face dice. Yeah, but what if it's, okay. All right, plus five. Hit. Yes. Yes.

That's what I did I do, guys. That's what my face is all about. Here we go. We got. Killing people. All right. That's 13 points of damage. That's a significant blow.

You slash her across the side of her neck. Blood starts spilling down onto her shoulder. She scowls at you. And for a second you think, are you related to Bolo? You seem so familiar to me. Who's bold? Why do I smell toast? Why do I smell toast?

Hey! Matt face thighs now long. This one that just saved us. I remember reading about Bolo in 183. Who's furry? That's Faroen. Ferry. Furry.

Furry. Furry. Ferry one. Okay. At the start of your turn, Farrowin, Just make a perception check for me. Okay. 11.

Okay. All right. All right. We're the worst. I can move 40 feet. I don't think that'll get me all the way over to Doty Terry. So I'm going to go over to this Terry, this Ariana Grande, Terry. Who's no longer Terry.

Purple, purple. And I'm like an air genassee, you know, so I'm really float. to you when I mean. Yes, of course. All right, and I'm going to attack her with my dual glave. Duolet, you buy the yellow, yellow stars. So sorry. Oh. Listen, listen. Matt Dice.

It was only, oh. I don't think there's enough Matt Dice to fix this. Well, no, we have two more, Matt. Oh, that's true. It'd have to be. I have three more. You have to roll up four at least. To what?

Would you roll? Well, I rolled a plus 10, that's 12. So I'd have to get. You try it? Yeah, go for it. Let's spend it for it. Let's spend it. Four!

It's a hit, thanks to Matt. Matt face. Sometimes. Mad face, Matt face. So that's nine points of damage. Nine. And I get an extra attack because I get an extra attack. Oh, that's nice.

So that one rolls much better. That's 24. That did very well. Hits. So that's eight. Do I add the plus six on the second attack? Normally not. Ask your GM.

Do I add the plus six on the second? What I mean like two weapon fighting? Like the plus six if I get an extra attack for. Well, the dual glave? Yeah. Only if you have two weapon fighting. I do have two weapon fighting. Then I think you do.

Okay, cool. Then that's 14 points of damage on the second. The Mouthman Prophecies. Wow, look at that. Holy boy. Sorry, you got a 27 to hit? No, that 24 to hit. And then I did 14 points of damage.

Holy be jolly. second hit and then Matt Dwo. Wow. That night sold for 1,150 S-S-S. And then what? Raise the money for charity. I'm going to stand a key point. Awesome. Don't munch it. And I'm going to flurry of blows.

Oh my God. This is sick. You're ready. She's going to flurry. I'm going to flurry. I've got the... Pop, hop. First one, 16. 16 hits.

All right. That's 1d6 plus 4. That's 10 more points of damage. Oh my god. Ari, Alari is looking real rough. And the second one is a 13, I don't think. That misses. We could use another Matt dice. You could.

Let's go. Do it! Let's go. Oh! It's a hit. Okay. What do you, what's the... Oh, that's another 10 points of damage. How do you want to do that?

Yeah! We're a shady conch from the beginning, and I'm gonna punch her right in her face. Oh my God. Just so hard that it knocks her off. I was cheating at dice before. I feel really bad about it. She dies. Cheating.

Cheaters never win, winners never cheat. That's it. Okay. Next up is Terrian number two, who has now been revealed to be the Butler Dorn. It's his turn. On his turn, he is going to look at the painting that he's holding. It is a beautiful image with incredible moving alchemical paints.

As he stares into it, he casts some sort of ritual or spell. The painting seems to connect with him somehow. His body starts to morph and change. His bones crack and break. His jaw falls off and he turns into this. What? Oh my God. No.

You know, we probably should have saved the mat dice. We've got one. No. Two of these would have been one. Is he still bained? Yeah, sure. Okay. I'll put out already back.

Oh, no. Yeah, he's bained. Oh boy. This is a gigantic blue and purple shuner. purple, shimmering dragon of death. Great, cool. Love it. It growls and you feel the entire floor shake

from its mighty power. Uh-oh. It, instead of fighting you, it turns. No. And starts to advance on the broomstone and draws back its claws ready to strike. That's the end of its turn. New guy!

It discards the painting. on the ground and the entire, the shaking of the entire floor rattles everything in this room. Let's say, let's see here, Farrowin, Buddy, and Mac make a perception check. Oh, my, I'm so bad. You gotta get Vigo back in the painting. Natural one. 18.

16. What is it? 18. What's yours? 16. Mac, Max, Max, Max,

I couldn't say it any clearer, 18. Mack and Buddy noticed that all those vines that had tried to grab at Albehrman as he was scurring across them, they all sort of tense up for a second when the ground shakes,

because it probably, probably hurts a little bit. The whole room's shaking and quaking. You do notice though, just that these vines are shaking and quaking up here. They sort of retract a little. These vines over here retract a little, and so did these right here.

What? These vines right here sort of shake and quake a little and retract. Where would the other one? There's that giant tree stump. In this giant tree stump, the vines also sort of Okay, that's it for his turn. It is your turn, Mac. It's my turn?

Oh, geez. Back to the, no, 19. Let's go. I'm gonna. Oh, also, sorry, earlier, that painting that you saw on the ground when you ran in, Mac, you spotted that painting, right? Yeah. As you've run by, you saw what the painting was of. The painting was of Terry and Darrington. How?

I've seen this before. Not a brain cell. Do we try to get the dragon back in the painting? Or we could destroy the painting? Or we could just kill the dragon? No, we can't. Good luck. That is not what we're gonna do.

What's you doing macaroni? If you can destroy the painting. Where's the empty canvas right now? The empty canvas is that? that they were, the last one that he used to sort of transform. He just discarded it over here. It's just on that. Okay.

Yeah, you know. Yeah, I will. Is this your notes? Nope. I will cast those are, but we used all those. I will run towards the canvas and I will use my spiritual weapon to make a strike. I'm going to make a strike at the canvas that's on the ground, the blank canvas. Roll to see if you hit.

Yes, that's a 22 to hit. The canvas rips in half. Oh, amazing. Dead canvas. Does the dragon disappear? No, the dragon does not disappear. Oh boy. Cool, cool.

With my amazing bonus action, I do nothing. Okay. Yep. Okay. Yep, that's it. I don't even, what's the fucking divine favorite? Who's next? Let me see.

Oh, they're Terry. Oh, wait, is this dead Terry? Oh, is this dead Terry? Bonus action. I'll give vote. I'll give vote buddy divine favor. He gets an extra D4 on a hit. All right.

Hazel, you're up. All right. Um, ha. All right. I'm going to march my little drumbeat up a little bit just to get a little closer. Ah, in that direction. And then.

Direction. And that direction on. I would like to, in the broomstone. I am going to cast. Fear in which. At the broomstone? In the brink, because I can create a phantasmal image. Oh.

And as the dragon looks inside into the broomstone, he sees Balthazar Flaermont, and his face comes through, he's a visage. And he looks at him and he goes, Elias Dorn, I am very disappointed in you. and shames him, and I cast fear. Cest fear or fantastimal force? Fear, but you does it have fear with an image.

You cast an image. Feeer with an image. Flavoring the fear. Okay, gotcha. You project a phantasmal image of a creature's worst fears. Amazing. This is amazing.

Yes, make a saving throw. Yes, what is the save? Wisdom. Wisdom. Minus a D4. Minus a D4. Oh, because he's been. Because he's been.

He's bained? Bain. Well, they're possibly not anymore. No, fan day. That's right. 16. Cutting words. What is that?

Cutting you were a bard. For a long time. Cutting words. You roll a D6 or something? So I say, it's still. You can bonus action your own spell? It's a reaction. Okay.

God, bards are awesome. He just, the dragon just hears you are a bad butler. Whoa. Yes, that's- Impressive. And then you roll like a D4 or a D6 to reduce the. Running out of juice, you guys. I roll my bardic inspiration dye,

and he has to subtract that from his role, so minus five. Whoa. He would fail uses a legendary resistance. We burned one. I'm very happy that we burned one. That was really, that one time. That was really, really, really resistance.

I know. That was a really, really brilliant. Hell yeah. Buddy, you're up. Let's go, buddy. Okay. Where is he? He's here. And you said all the plants jiggled?

Yes, you saw a vine sort of. retracted, they didn't retract, they just sort of like winced, like here, here and here. Okay, so he's just gonna watch all this happening and say, you guy, why? And then he's gonna wander over to the left and just sort of sniff and look into this giant tree. Okay. And he saw all that quivering, so he's just gonna reach in and grab it and pull out. What you pull out is a bunch of boxes, including a blank canvas and a bunch of fresh alchemical paints. We could paint them away.

We could paint us into something. I found a bunch of junk over here. We just need about three hours to paint really well. You'll need shorter than that guys, because you get the sense that this creature is nearly impossible to defeat with conventional means. means in its current form. However, there is some mystical connection to these paintings. Everybody roll a history check. You with advantage, Matt. Same roll. 19. 14. 15. Can you guidance somebody? Clearly not. Guidance. Everyone has been hanging around with Terry in so long. He keeps making

you read his stupid-ass books. One of them, the Dashing Lord of Deistock, Mack, you remember, he wrote about a creature called a forgery beast, a shapeshifter that could look at a special alchemically enhanced painting and turn into whatever a creature was depicted in the painting. You get the sense that if you were to use this canvas and paint and paint a creature with enough detail and show the painting to the beast. Odds are, it would turn into whatever creature you painted. You can choose anything, but it must be highly detailed.

The canvas must be filled, and the paints are right through this curtain. You have to go paint me a painting. Who, you? Everybody. Everybody. Because while you're painting, you are vulnerable to attack. So I would suggest going one at a time to go paint. I'll keep going down the,

down the orders. Awesome. Oh, wow. Wait, are all adding something to it? Yes, you were all adding something to it. Whose turn was it? So that was my. What are you painting?

So you're next, so you can't go. So we're all group painting one thing. Yeah. Okay. But we can go around? That we can auction. Great. That's bad.

We don't talk about it. We don't talk about it. We don't talk about Bruno. Yep. So we're making a cre- it doesn't matter. We're making our own creature. That was Buddy, it's Flimsy's turn. So Albert, who was last?

Buddy, should you go? I think it's my, okay, yeah, go for it. Whatever you guys want to do. I think is y'all like, like, I think I know what this is. Do you know? Yeah. Do you know? I mean, yeah.

Somebody start painting! Go, buddy. Okay. Oh boy. Oh no. Painton character. Okay, Flimsy, it's your turn. All right, I'm gonna go ahead and say,

How, Dragon Beast, dare not destroy this fantastic derogable, and instead focus upon us. Let this be a battle to remember as I step forward speaking this to get within, if I can, Of course you can. The answer is yes. Yeah, actually, if I move out halfway there, I can get there. Where are you? I'm sorry, I didn't move from where I was at the beginning, because I was like, and I will cast suggestion on it.

Okay. And suggestion, as I begin to cast by, I say, step away from the stone and look me in the eyes. Okay, I roll a save on that. Indeed, I will use my innate sorcery ability as a bonus action on that. that I can crease to DC by one. There's a paint cam.

Oh no, amazing. So with that it'll be a DC 13. He rolled a 12 with Bain. Yes, he is suggested. He does not, he does not. Do we just go? He turns around to face you. Okay, I'm sorry.

Growling with furrowing with furious. and rage. So cute. Oh, he worked! Okay, that's my turn. Owbear man, it's your turn. Go, pink. Get it, Matt, get it.

Do your thing. Why don't you try picking on an albert, paint really good? Rone size or some size. And I'm going to take a running leap and I'm going to go both claws. Straight at the jumping on the head and going to parko, parkour, parkour, and then you're attacking. I am attacking. Like an owl from the night. from the night.

I'm going to be making a reckless attack. Yes, reckless it up. Yeah, baby. Just gotta get out my actions. There we go. And that's gonna be 24 to hit. It hits. Where's my closet?

There we are. Since it's reckless, I get an extra D6 on that attack. There we are. So that's 17 points of damage with my first claw. Amazing, great hit. Second claw. I think. Second flaw.

Yeah, I can do reckless. It doesn't matter, it's all the same. Yeah, it hits. Yeah, it's great. 28. And then that's going to be no D6. Drop that. That's eight points of damage.

Great. It hits. We're floing this guy. And then I'm going to use a bonus action to disengage And, well. Are you gonna stay on him? Actually, I'm gonna attempt, both claws are in.

I'm gonna try and hunker down. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna, what can I do with that thing? There's a thing I can do. Where is it? I think I can grapple. Assume I'm trying to grapple. Okay.

Albear man, that's the end of your turn. It is Damien Vadoma's turn. Go Albear! All right. Go Albert. Okay, so I'm gonna... I don't know what it's turning in there. Yes.

I just got to stop of conscience. William did start us with like a spud. Just hang on until Laura gets in there. Or Ashley. That's going to be terrible. All right, with my other rune that I have, I'm going to activate my other ruin with a bonus action, which is Flame Tongue Stiletto.

Yes. And again, I'm going to take two shots at the Big Beast. All right, shoot it up. Two slices. Where are you again? I don't even know where you are. Oh, come on. All right, only one hits.

Is this, are you throwing these things or are you? No, I'm going up close. You probably can't get over there, but sure, you move over there. Okay, great. Cool, one hits. So that'll be, okay, plus five, that's nine, plus nine times.

One D six. Okay, plus six. Okay, plus six, so nine, so 15 plus, I think it's 2D8 because of the flames. 2D6, sorry. What was I at? 15. 15, 15 plus 15.

Okay, 23 points of damage. 23 points, that's a huge hit. That's a big hit. As you slice, part of its wing sort of drops off and a black icker pours out onto the ground. It roars in pain and, and it faces you eyes near. Got your dice is fine.

Two net 20s in this game with this dice. Wow. That's really good. So, okay. Farrow and Breeze, you're up. All right, you're up, you're up. Who's up next? Ashley.

Ashley, go paint, Ashley. Coucho, look back here. This is, I don't know what's happening. Oh no. Can I get all the way over to him? Yes, of course you can, everyone. I heard that. Okay, great.

I'm gonna run over and don't munch shit. As you run over there, a mysterious wind picks you up. Great. Deposites you right next. Actually, I'm a dope monk shit and kind of leave, leave. We have to fill the whole canvas. And try to get onto the back of the dragon.

Okay, so you're going to try to jump up onto this thing? Yeah, and then up to the back. On to its back. Okay, this is going to take an acrobatics check, Farrow and Breeze, the monk. All right. That is a... Do I get an advantage because I'm a monk? Yeah.

You also, actually. Oh, this is the worst combination. Uh, 15. Yeah. Describe your... your amazing acrobatic league. There's no checks. Nothing matters.

As I'm running, I feel the wind sore to pick up, and it seems like I'm almost running on air as I run over to his back, and then I'm going to like spin in the air. So I'm like, all my robes are like flying out, and I'm going to dual glave smash down as I can. For a second while you're

in the air spinning like a tornado. I look like one of those barbies that had the things that... Yes. Yash and I still for 810. As you spin in the air, for a second, you almost turn into wind and become a tornado for a second, then become real again, and you stab down? Yeah, with my dual glaze. Amazing. Roll to hit, roll for damage, roll for all that crap. All right.

Roll crap. Nah, nah, nah, ha, ha. No, it was. Smurfs? It was a one. I rolled a one. Oh, the wind just got down. For the first attack. For the first attack. Oh, okay.

Oh, my God, 15. No. That hits. Oh wait. Sure, it hits. Oh, because of Bain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not true.

Yeah. That's only six points of damage. Oh, it's a good six. It's a good six, but I'm going to use a key point, and I'm going to start smashing in with my fists. Do it, yeah, fist that dragon. Yeah, I'm going to fist him. And that is a 13.

It doesn't hit. No, okay, I'm going to try again. Oh, and now it hits. Yay. The last one hits. There you go. And that's 10 points. That's amazing. Another ten points you're punching a dragon in the back. Does it look really hurt? It can almost feel it.

Actually it is I believe it has reached the bloodied condition. No wait, what is that? It's already a halfway-hild. Yes, if I count all the things that you did to the butler. Yeah, oh wow If I count those. Which are you? Should you see how the night goes? All right, let's go. I love it I love it I don't feel the canvas. I don't fill it? No. The whole canvas has to be filled. The whole canvas has to be filled, but come back, come back.

I'm staying on his back. Okay, great. As you're standing on its back, it's going to try to get you all within its breath weapon. You're smackling shit. I was trying to get creative. Okay, the beast rocks around to face you. Its toothy mall opens, and out of it,

It shoots a shadow breath. No. Everybody roll a dexterity saving through DC 17. Oh no. What about the two of us who are on the, on the, it does not reach you on the back. Dex. Oh, great.

I made it. Made it. I'm going to put my tides of chaos to try and you can always use your face if things go wrong. Oh, fail. Use your face? She's fixing it. She's fixing it.

Yeah, you could use your face. That was pretty good. All right, all right. Up to you, up to you, all right. I got seven. Oh yeah, no, that is. I can't even, that doesn't know. Big fail for Flousy.

Okay, those who rolled a 17 or higher, you take 17 damage. Whoa. Those who failed take 35 damage. Whoa, what? Yes, and Farrow and Breeze is painting, so she would have been involved. vulnerable, but she doesn't get hit because she's on its back.

Yeah, so Algar Man and Farrowin do not. Wait, how many points do we take? 17 if you succeeded, 35 if you didn't. Flimsy went from full health to unconscious in an instant. Oh no. You're unconscious? Oh, yeah. Oh, boy.

He is flimsy. You watch as the form of Tarry and Darrington that's held this entire time, suddenly, shh-wit, withdraws into a backpack-wielding, baggy clothes, draped changeling with long hair just kind of on the ground. Oh, flimsy. Come on, guys, you gotta say flimsy. Okay, it's Max turn.

So who's the turn? Who's painting? Back? No, I, no. It's your turn. Oh yeah. Who just went last? No one yet.

I did. And then now it's next turn. Farrowin went, now that's why she's painting. Oh, so it's been, okay. She's still painting. Have you painted? No, but I'll go after my turn, which is next. I'm gonna run up and I'll do.

Who's painting now? Laura's still going. No, no, Matt, because it was the creature's turn. Oh, you're right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna do prayer of healing and everybody's gonna get. Good. Fair of healing, what's casting time on that? Who fucking cares, Matt?

17 plus three. As the GM, I concur. 20 points. 20 points of healing. Yay, good. Yeah, it's 20 minutes. It's pretty best. Thanks.

And I will jump up on buddies back into the chariot. I'm gonna go paint. What did you do? Hazel Copper Pie, you're out. Okay. Oh, shit. Okay. I cast blindness. Blindness.

Blindness. Again. On me? On the dragon, honey. On you. The old man walks in. Did it help? It's so ugly.

Is this my state room? Oh, I'm... You got it my way, you stupid old man. Again on the dragon. Okay, go for it. Does he have to roll the save? Yes, he does. Constitution saving.

No. 13, but Bain 2, 11. Constitution. Oh, that's pretty good. 15. Yeah, do it. Again.

What could you say to me, child, that I haven't heard? No. I don't have to say anything. I think these sick beats speak for themselves. And I hit play on my Rex and drum and bass track that we just cut on this shift. And a crank it. Take that old man.

You cannot keep up with the youths. I cannot keep up with these sickening beats. Okay, roll your cutting words. Another five down. He's blind. He's blind. I can't see fire. I still feel like there is a fight going on.

I sense bad things are happening. You can neither confirm nor deny. No, I don't know. Now get over there and paint. Okay. Okay. I don't know which one the blinded condition is, so I'm gonna put on slowed. But he's gay.

Excuse me, he's gay. Excuse me, he's alive. Deep cut. Deep cut. Well done. Oh, God. Bonus action, I will second win myself and give myself, oh, just six more hit points. Great, okay.

Okay. Okay. Six. Six. Yep, that's happened. All right, then I'm just gonna run up to the dragon's face and start beating on it, okay? You make your way easily over there. Making my way.

Okay, I will say if you miss, you're gonna hit the owl bear man. I do. It's a two. Okay, you smash Albear Man, super hard. Okay. You want me to roll my damage to that? Yep. All right. allow it.

It's one four-less nine. It's pretty hefty. Here comes. That is 13 points of bludgeoning damage. Cut in half to six. Okay. Great. Because he's Ra-

He's Sam-Raj-in. And I will action search to hit the dragon or owl bear again. Sure, great. I will the exact same place. Yes, your goggles are a little off. They're a little bit more far-sighted than near-sided. You keep hitting the Owlbear Man. Yep, yep, here we go.

You're hitting him harder than a copyright loss here. His time is 12. 12? Okay, so six. Sorry. Two thunderous attacks lands squarely into Albear Man's. Damaged already mask, and it sort of cracks in half. You can start to see your... secret identity.

No, it's, it's the, yeah, the owl part has cracked in half. The bare mask underneath it is still holding strong. Amazing. Back on the rate. Flimsy is up and alive. Yes, it's time to cycle around. Flimsy, take it away. I think Flimsy gets him, looks down,

had his hands shaking from the first brush with any sort of adventure, but also mortality, and goes, I'm not getting off. This casts a invisibility on himself and just runs. Oh, wow. That's the turn. Yeah. Now that blind dragon definitely can't see you. All right.

Albear Man or bloodied. Oh my god, that was quick. We're going fast. It's pretty, it's almost full. What are the rules? It's almost full. I don't know. Just do it until you think you're done. Do it until I'm done.

I'm... I'm... The rules are, do it until we can auction it. Despite just getting punched twice in the gut and breaking the mask, I'm still just going to keep going, just still just going straight in with stabbing. And thankfully you're blind, which means I have advantage. Oh, amazing. And I'm bained. And I'm bained.

The painting is pretty impressive. Blind and bang. Okay so. God damn it. How do you do that? I don't know if you're being truthful. Oh, that's a 20. That is a natural 20.

Whoa! Oh, God, this is going to be insane. What happened? I don't have the fancy thing that barbarians have for that yet, but it's still okay. She's still sleeping over there? But he's like just, he's staring at us kind of ominously. He looks a little. He looks mad.

He's like, guys. He's like, this tripper trap has got me. That's mad now. He's like, am I stuck in one? 24 points of damage. Huge. Wait, is that doubled because it's a crit? doubled.

48 points of... No, that is double. 24 points of damage. Is that doubled? In the vanities? Wow. For my... Jesus, for my second attack.

That's 16 to hit. That hits. All right. And then that's ten points of damage. I was tempted to turn the C-O. I don't want to see it until it. No. He doesn't want to see it.

Ten points of damage. Ten points of damage. This is great. He's pretty bloody. Huh. Yeah, this dragon looks less dragony. Okay, that was Albert Man Damien Vadoma. You've got your brass knuckle knives. Yeah, I'm gonna keep going.

I'm just gonna take two more shots of this dragon because I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. That's all you're supposed to do. Here we go. First hit does not hit. Second hit. 17, does that hit? Yes, that hits.

All right. We got it. Okay, wait. Do I have, do those fire rooms stay up? We gotta be close, it's gonna be close to finish, right? Yeah. It's gonna be close. Okay, so, two, seven. Buddy, we turn it in.

Okay, I like that. 15 plus six is 21. 21 points of damage. Incredible. He's looking real hurt. He is? He is for real. I'm done. Okay, all right. That was Damien's Farrowin.

Farrowin. All right. I'm going to. to why not. Um, I'm gonna cast Thunderwave. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder. Thunder wave.

Oh. Heart. I'm not sure how I do it. I think I use key points. Oh, whoops. But I'm not sure. Nothing. But I'm gonna do it. So that is...

Bad for you guys. It's all good. It's all good. Um, uh, a crete, you have to make a constant, oh, it's a dragon. That's not gonna work. He's gonna be this. He's bained. He's burned. All right, and he's blinded, if that helps.

I don't know, I don't think. The Constitution is saying it through? No, but I do get advantage on regular hits. I'm just gonna attack him. Great. First attack is 19 plus something. Hits, hits. Hits.

Uh, that's, oh fuck. That's eight points. It's a damage. Okay, that's something. And then the second attack doesn't hit, and I'm gonna use a key point. I'm gonna fucking flurry blows. Whoa, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Hold on. Both of them hit. Amazing, do it. I'm gonna use one of the mat dice to roll for these ones. Ah, double twos. So that's eight, four, six, wait. Two plus...

Hmm. Hold on. Twelve points. Amazing. He would be dead, but. I forgot to mention that this is all this, this is all this whole room is lit by these, mainly by the light of the broomstone.

So it is a very dim area. And while in dim light, this dragon does have resistance to all damage. So you're getting there. So it's chest now bloodied. Yes. You are only hurting your stuff. It's true. After, after Farrowan's move, the dragon is going to try to get its breath weapon back again. It does. You guys might want to wrap this up soon.

Just bring it in. Bring it in. And fire its breath weapon. Here comes! It rears back. We're going to die! It pulls its head open. The painting's done!

Sharks flying in. I hold the page. I'm not even. I'm on a back. What is the screen? I love him. Oh, I brought me. Is this?

It's a sad lump of a creature. He's got like, he's got a lumpy, sort of droopy beak. He's like a cabby barrow with like a dragon tail. With like a mermaid slash dragony tail. Kind of looks like Alf. Yeah, kind of looks like Alf. Unfortunately snout. Yeah.

Yeah, who started with that? Who started with a snow? That's the body. I don't want to tilt it because everyone goes in. All right. It's got glasses. It's a good painting. It's dripping a little bit, Travis, towards the bottom.

It's a good painting, but I think we should leave this up to the dice to see if it works. Everybody roll a, some sort of check. An arcana, no, yes, an arcana check. Arcana? See if you can. Final match. Dice, now live. A

Final mat dice! Let's go! Arcana or performance. Group check, everybody. 18, and we do have one mat dice left. And you, I get you inspiration, did you ever use it? I rolled really bad. No.

Bartik inspiration. You're right, you're right. I'm not using it yet, which means... Ooh. Oh. 23. Okay. Okay.

I rolled pretty, super mid with a 15 unless I used mad dice. Ten. Oh, you use this. You use this. 13. All right. Okay. Still ass. Still ass, but less ass. Okay. 18. Amazing.

Natural 20. 15. Yes, that's six successes and one failure. I can talk about who. Against its will, the dragon starts to transform into a cartoony. What did you give us a sweet potato? Potato face. It's mouth and snout.

It's mouth and snout. changes into a yam. It grows, it strangely grows bifocals. Part of its physiology. Right, what's you know? It has the skin of a hippopotamus and its tail is made of pineapple skin. What was that?

It's got a comic strip with a penguin and the cat. Like it really has a baby dry tail. It's weird that just as big as currently is, but it opens its mouth to fire its breath weapon, and instead it says, Give me my country back. And it begins to weep. It's got shades of like spirit loathing that artists. It does.

I love it. It's quick work for you all to carve up the yams into like a nice, I guess. nice side dish that the SkyShift can dine on for the next few days. They don't have to know. The pineapple tail becomes hors d'oeuvres. And the broomstone, which was damaged, you were able to pry the glass out of the bifocals and use it to repair the broomstone so the cracks don't leak anymore.

Let nothing go to lights. Yes. What is this? As you finish destroying this, Now impotent beast, you turn around to find. All the passengers have witnessed this final act of heroism and are applauding you. Flairmont is among them.

But where is Terriand Derington? Did he fall in the fight? I think behind one of the sections on the side, the invisible flimsy who's been shaking quietly, hears that and goes, maybe just one last time. He uses his action to transform back into the visage of Terry and Darrington before emerging. Ha ha! And that you see is the heroism of the great Darrington Brigade.

And also Matt Dice sold for $1,050. I'll applaud that. Everyone shares. This painting is now live. And we will be signing it. We will be signing it. Oh, flip it around. Everybody applauds the Darrington Brigade.

They all simultaneously and without coaching say, three cheers for the Derrington Brigade. Hif, hip, hurray! Hib, hurray! Hib, hooray! Why does he have fingers? A lot of this was my fault too. Like, we got him with the sweet potato in the circles

for one thing, and then somebody condemned us with this. Was that you? Just strong Bob Ross choice. I thought I couldn't go wrong with a classic dick butt body. And at the head, I thought it was the entire body. You doves from the snow. I don't know what dickpots you've seen. As the sun rises the next morning on the deck of the hubris,

passengers thank you for your bravery and decisive victory over Dorn and Aria and the potato monster. They owe you their lives, but for the seven of you, even though you know you just did a really good thing and it felt good doing it, you just really wanna go to sleep. And with that, we conclude the story and we conclude the day. What a great day we had today. There's still one auction going, right?

I think it just ended. It went from- Sold, one thousand six hundred. This painting? This painting! This painting. There is one more auction, apparently. It's the tucks that I'm wearing right now.

We'll bust that off real quick while everybody says good night. I thank you guys for letting me do this crazy thing. Three cheers for Sam Riegel. Prompt or copy. We did it. I stayed up for a long time. We raised, insert figure here dollars. But I'm just getting started. Just kidding. I'm not getting started. I'm done. I'm done.

Straight off my own back, we are auctioning this tuxedo. That auction is live right now. While that's happening, I wanted to thank my friends, family, my family, the cast and crew that came out and supported me, and the Critical Role Foundation, and our two charities, Poblove and HNC Living, last and certainly not least, our friends that helped us make this possible at eBay Live. Thank you for sponsoring this amazing event. Check it out at ebay.com slash eBay Live.

in on more fun. How are we doing on that tucks? We got 10 seconds left. 28 plus hours. You could, someone could, someone could wear this tux with the jester wedding dress and get married. That's a great. So true.

If you keep this tux bid going, you can keep Sam awake for even more hours. It's like waterboarding with money. A bad one if you could clone your own Sam. Let's see, let's see. Oh, someone just got it. It went for $600. Amazing.

Wow. So I'm sure we'll get our grand total. Whoa! 88,800. Wow. Thank you very much. Thanks to the crew. Thanks to my friends.

And remember, is it Thursday? And that's a wrap on the episode. If you like this story, consider leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice. Word of mouth is the best form of advertising, and your review might just be the words of encouragement someone needs to join the adventure. Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you next time.