Critical Role - The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood - Part Two: A Faulty Foundation One-Shot

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

This episode is sponsored by Bethesda and ZeniMax Online Studios. Check out The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood right now at http://elderscrollsonline.com/buyGame Master Marisha Ray leads a group of restaurateurs on their second adventure inspired by The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood!This originally aired on Thursday, August 19th on http://twitch.tv/criticalroleDue to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode.Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources

Hello, Critters! Welcome to our special one-shot inspired by the Elder Scrolls Online Blackwood, sponsored by our friends at Bethesda and ZeniMax Online Studios. You can check out the Elder Scrolls Online Blackwood right now at elderscrollsonline.com slash buy. Let's hop right in! Welcome! Whoa! To our very special second installment of our one-shot collaboration with our friends at Bethesda and ZeniMax Online Studios in their 2021 release,

Elder Scrolls Online Blackwoods. It's kind of like a one-shot trilogy. We could have probably named it better at the beginning, to be totally honest. It's a three-shot. It's a three-shot. Yeah, so welcome to the second of this three-shot. If you're watching this for the first time, don't stress. The first episode is available right now

on our YouTube channel, so you can catch up afterwards. And if you saw the first one, welcome back. We're doing this again. It's going to be fun. If you've been following along with our ESO content, you know that the Gates of Oblivion year-long adventure is in full swing, and the Blackwood chapter is now available on all platforms. It is optimized for the Xbox Series X, S, and PlayStation 5, and is on sale for the first time right now.

There is a free trial currently happening for the base game, which ends on August 30th. Tonight's one shot is airing alongside Bethesda's 26th annual QuakeCon. Ooh. Special. 26th? 26th. A lot of quakes.

That's what's on the sheet. We welcome you to join in. All the fun. And please check out everything Elder Scrolls Online at http://elderscrollsonline.com slash buy. Oh, that's easy. Yeah, buy it.

Buy it. Purchase it. B-U-Y. B-U-Y. Yeah, not like bye. We are back with a returning cast. Let's go around and introduce ourselves, starting with Michelle. Hello, my name is Michelle McBrideley. I'm so excited to be here and to hear someone say the

HTTP part of a URL with the slash, but I don't even know what those things are called. Colon, colon, colon. I never knew there were so many. I thought it was just www, but I didn't know that. Gotta, you know, gotta do the full thing. Yeah, and I'm glad to be here. I'm so excited to be DM'd by you. Oh. Here's an experience. Here we go. Big mood. And of course, Laura,

giving me emotional support from across the table. I'm Laura Bailey. I'm still playing Grelnok. Yes. Was I supposed to say my character's name? Because I didn't hear that. Yeah. You can do it now.

Sorry, we'll get this out. My character's name is Hwasa, just call me Hwa, and I said it earlier, definitely. Ta-da! All right, I'm going to go learning curve. Hi, I'm Aabria Iyengard. I'm playing Tevima, your red guard Templar and bouncer. I'm a bouncer, and now I look like Christmas.

You do look like Christmas. Oh, it's falling. I look like a grandma that's very confused. Which is how I feel constantly. This is good. The sexiest grandma. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Alison.

Okay, I have to follow that. Yeah. Hi. You also look like Okay, I have to follow that. Yeah. Hi. You also look like a sexy grandma. Thank you. Sexy grandma! Really what I was going for.

Great grandma, maybe. My name is Taliesin Jaffe, and I will be playing Mallory the cook. So still cooking. Yeah, still cooking. Still cooking. Greetings. My name's Sam Riegel.

I will be your server tonight. I am playing Slaughter Grimm, the waiter of the establishment, and also, I like to think, the pluckiest of the bunch. Oh, really? I realize, Michelle, you and I did not say our role. We had to start the we didn't know. So Hua is the- No, you just messed up,

but we have to find it emergent in the game. Okay, yeah. I'm kidding, don't. Let us know in the chat, it's fine. Is that how we're doing this one? Tell me my role. Hua's the hostess, she's Altmer. Is she cool?

She got bird friends? All right, let's keep going. I'm the bartender, I'm the barkeep. I serve the drinks. I'm a half-orc! That's all I got. Oh, that's the voice unit. We're done.

That was the whole game. That was great. That was the smoothest intro we have ever done by far. HTTP. Colon, colon, slash, slash. And yeah, I mean, it can only go uphill from here. So without further ado, let's jump into tonight's episode of Elder Scrolls Online. Thank you. Okay.

The sun is slowly climbing towards its apex over Grotwood. It's still a couple of hours before noon, but you can already feel it's going to be a scorcher of a day in Valenwood. However, the muggy heat from the morning sun, air thick with fresh evaporated mist from the nearby woods, does not seem to be slowing down the foot traffic in front of Grelnok's Skull Tavern.

The tavern formerly known as the Dreary Drug, the Dirty Hole, the Dingy Hole, the Silver Lining, the Burn Journal, and the really nice hole. Tavern Keeps. It's been precisely 85 days since your strange encounter with a Daedric beast that inspired the namesake of your now thriving tavern. With the growing clientele, partially thanks to the upgrades you've made

from the tavern over the past three months or so, and partially due to the upgrades you've made from the tavern over the past three months or so, and partially due to the ongoing conflict between rival factions across the Aldmeri Dominion, creating an ever-growing need for weary soldiers and refugees to seek comfort and your famed pork platter when in need of a respite. Currently, you can hear about a half dozen or so Dominion patrols that are currently loitering

in front of your establishment, waiting for the doors to open. It's almost lunchtime and people are getting hungry. So, tavern keepers, moments before opening the doors, what are you up to? Oh boy. Also, as you all know, it's been about three months.

You've had a little influx of cash. You've been able to make some upgrades. Tavern's had a little glow up. So feel free to illuminate us with how fancy your tavern is now. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. I think Tavima starts, very specifically,

she does not clean or do any upkeep to the tavern, but she is fastidiously cleaning the front main window, because her share of the loot going into upgrading the tavern is just for this beautiful, ornate stained glass window in the front that I throw people out of when I bounce them because it reforms. Oh!

So it's enchanted to come back. And she's stretching out like a rotator cuff injury because she does this a lot now. People pay extra to get bounced out. So she adjusts her shoulder and then finishes. Fun to experience here, Grelnok Skull. All right, new day, here we go. You getting all flexible there?

Yeah, I got to warm up. Working out your bouncer muscles? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Stay limber. I'm busying myself. Slaughter Grimm is busying himself, making sure that his tray is ready. He used some of the income from the restaurant

to buy a levitating tray, which he calls Rex. And so when he walks across the tavern, he says, Come here, come here, Rex. And the tray scoots along beside him, but it sometimes gets distracted and goes around sniffing things. But for right now, Rex is behaving

and he's all ready to accept the customers. Mallory is getting ready, getting the meals ready, everything prepped, upgraded the kitchen quite a bit. There's now an eight stage burner and two ovens. One of the ovens is currently broken and two of the burners have not been lighting, but that's fine. Got a bunch of new stuff on the menu.

I got an extra thick double swing door that just makes it more inconvenient and more difficult to come into the kitchen. Really has helped my disposition. Also hired a sous chef named Timothy, who's quit, but... He was obnoxious anyway, so that's fine. Well, I've updated the fronts of the area with a new numbering system so that when you arrive, you can...

So I used my money to build a small coop for my bird friends, so they had a nice warm place to sleep inside, not just outside. Anyway, I've sort of numbered the birds around their neck, and they kind of think that's their name, so I give each patron a numbered bird, and when it's their

time, I just yell out in the Altmer Elvish language for the number slash the bird so they do chirp, and then I know exactly where the patron is, and they can come in when it is their turn. I've also added a small guest book in the front of the door. The guest book is made out of the skin

of the giant beast that we slew a few months ago. And for the pen, we use a quill from Slaughter. Amazing. A little bit of ink. So the birds are like those pagers that you get? Yes. I would go to this restaurant. I'm actually really into this.

Yeah, she's so unsanitary. Where they're like, come back in, we'll page you in here. I hate it so much. Amazing. It's very good. And I don't let Tavima touch the, nope, please don't, nope, okay. Don't hurt the number four, don't hurt number four. Don't touch the birds.

Teach them to not shit on things. They're just little birds. They eat, they get full of food and they have to... Poop. They got poop. It's natural. Where is Timothy coming in? Someone needs to clean the ground. He's late again. I don't know if he's coming back.

He seemed, I mean, he was terrible. He was terrible last week. I don't think he's coming back. You seemed okay. You yelled at him a lot. I yell at a lot of people a lot. Yeah. Handle it or you can't. Grelnok has upgraded the bar top

from the old cracked piece of wood that was there to a nice, large slab of mahogany. Ooh. It's beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful! And has a much better selection of different meads, nice, fine wines, hard liquor.

We've got a big selection now. Before, it was just dusty wine bottles. I didn't even know what it was. Excellent. Yes. About this time, you hear. Oh! Hello? Door says you're going to open at 11. Door says a lot of things.

Oh no, we are supposed to open at 11. It's 11 just now. I will go take care of this. Is everyone ready to open? Are everyone prepped? We need to have our pre-opening pep talk. Everyone, have a great day today. Support each other.

Be there for each other. And remember, the customers always come first and the customer's always right, all right? Good tips, everyone, let's go. Yes, tips are very important. Okay, I open the door. Welcome to Grelnugskull hyphen, I mean, slash, a very nice hole TBA.

It's not a really nice hole, it's just Grelnugskull. Oh, I thought we were with TBA on that. Grelnockskull hyphen, I mean slash, a very nice hole TBA. It's not a really nice hole, it's just Grilnockskull. Oh, I thought we were with TBA on that. Grilnockskull. Welcome to the rest of the tavern restaurant. An all immersive experience of fine dining and meats and some birds. Oh, and there's a, we have a shed in the back. That's a sort of like a whole immersive experience thing. We'll talk about that later.

Well, hold on. Don't undersell my favorite part. There's an immersive experience. If you want, we can go on a tour through it once you've paid your bill. It costs extra. It costs extra. Okay, can we just get a table now? Yes, dinner, then the show.

Yes, excellent. Okay. I guess there's no way, so I don't need to use my little birds. Number one, you, then the show. Yes, excellent. Okay. I guess there's no way, so I don't need to use my little birds. Number one, you can take a knee. Just take a rest. All right. I lead them into the, this is our finest table next to the fireplace

on this hot day. Okay. Just the rest of the soldiers are just all shuffling in, and you can tell they're just, they're trying to be entertained and enthused, but we just heard about the pork platter. We just hear a lot of things.

Hi, hi. Hi. Hi. I'm Slaughter. I'll be your server today. Okay. Can I tell you about our specials before you go ahead and order? You said the pork platter, which is a lovely dish, but I'd love to tell you about some of our other specials.

Soldier kind of looks to the other ones and they just, okay, okay. Well, Mallory has prepared a bunch of fresh things for you today. Their number one is the veal tartare with black truffles, shallots, potato crisps, quail egg, and a black truffle aioli. We've also got a lacquered duck

with yellow turnip, braised red cabbage, sun-dried cherries. Very good, limited quantity, though. Roasted juniper lamb with cauliflower and saffron-scented basmati rice. Or you can go traditional with the beef burger. That will take extra prep time, though. One of the female soldiers who's in Altmar, you can go traditional with the beef burger. That will take extra prep time, though.

One of the female soldiers who's in Altmar, you can tell she's young. She turns and she goes, I do really love lamb. It's one of my favorites. I think you should get the lamb. Actually, I wanted to nickname all of these, but we haven't really gotten to the name.

I think the lamb burger should be, what do you think? The Ba Burger? Is that too much? I don't get it. Because when they're alive, you see, before you... When they're alive, they go bah, but then when they're... Right, but it's dead now. It's meat now. Then they get slaughtered and then you eat them.

And coincidentally, our server is named Slaughter. Hi, yes. Hi. So one lamb, then? Or lamb all around? The original soldier's just like, I still just want the pork, I think. All right, great. But the female's like, I'll take the lamb. Thank you so much.

Mallory! Yeah? Mallory, table one wants one bar burger and one pork. Oh, you said it. Fine, I'll push the pork. You see a couple more people are starting to gather in the front, in the hostess area, just starting to get a little bit anxious, kind of wanting seats.

Drinks, drinks while you wait. Well, actually, I just wanted to show my little child. It's this beautiful Khajiit mother, and she has her two little sons, and they're eight and six, and they're both already rowdy. They've got wooden swords, and one of them, the two boys are just over there, just whacking their swords against the hostess podium.

And one of them goes over and then climbs up on it and starts looking through your guest book. I am raving. I don't know about that. I grab that one by the scruff of the neck. Whoa! What do we think we're doing? What is this? Mom! Hand over the mouth.

No, no, no. We don't scream for help. Either you're strong enough to get out of this yourself, or you just let this happen. It's a life lesson. It's a teachable moment. The mom lets it happen. I give her a little nod. She's kind of, you know, don't hurt her kid,

but also I think, you know, she's probably had this dream herself. So is that your book? Did you ask anyone before you climbed up on the podium? Also, your sword form is fucking terrible. And I just drop. Get on the ground. Mm-mm. Also, your sword form is fucking terrible. And I just drop. Get on the ground.

Two hands. And you swivel with your hips and just let them go ahead and continue to torment the hostess podium. You know, he, you can tell he's really into soldiers and weaponry. So as soon as you start talking about form and seem like you're going to be this teacher,

the kid starts coming back around again. That's right. And then they just go like, you're mean, and then run off and go over to these soldiers and start just whacking the soldiers with their new form. I am mean, thank you. We could.

The mom just turns and looks at you and goes, Are you serving wine right now? Oh yes, we're always serving. We have wines of at least two colors, yes. Okay, I'll have your strongest one. Wonderful, why don't you take a seat? Strongest wine, your strongest wine. Uh-huh, you know what, just make it,

can you just pour it in that tankard instead of a wine glass? Red, white? Yes. Cool. Pop open two bottles and just. She's not going to complain. And then a couple more soldiers

that were still loitering outside, just finished smoking their pipes, and then they also come inside. Welcome, welcome inside. You know, I can't help but notice there's a whole bunch of soldiers here today. Was there a fight that has recently broken out near here? No, we're just stationed here.

Stationed here. Yeah, it's real fucking boring, you know. You're wanting some action. That's why I signed up for the army, wanted to go on the front line. Sure, yeah, that's why you would. Patrol. Fuck.

Coming through, coming through. I walk over with the plates, because this is the, and I just slop the pork plate down, gently place the lamb down. Thank you for ordering the lamb, just as a thank you. Here's a slice of our triple berry pie. It's got a blackberry, raspberry, jumbleberries, and we make the vanilla ice cream.

I make the vanilla ice cream in-house every day, fresh. Don't share it. I go just back into the kitchen. She just turns to the other soldier she's with and she's like, I'm allergic to berries. Oh, well, maybe your friend would like it instead? He just said not to sh- He won't, no. Don't worry.

He's harmless. I feel like he would. Don't worry. He was really all right. I wouldn't worry about it. Nothing bad could happen. She looks over her shoulder where Mallory went and just pushes the plate very gingerly. It'll be fine. All right.

Dig in, I'll get you some napkins, and if you need anything else to drink, just holler. Okay, thank you. And I'll go back over to that soldier, unless that's the same person. Well, do you mean you can't tell the difference? I can't. They're all beautiful.

This one, the one that's mad. Oh, yeah. All right, he's just, he sits down. He's real pissed. So you're stationed nearby. Yeah. And you were all on patrol and decided to come here. There's not much else to do, you know?

It's a real fucking boring town. Is there any threat that we're under? Like, why so many soldiers out on patrol? I don't know. People keep claiming that there's all these dangerous elements, supernatural rigmarole. People keep claiming that there's all these Daedric elements, supernatural rigmarole. I don't know. I've never seen it.

Seems like a big old excuse to me. I have a feeling that there are some Daedric influences nearby. This fucking guy. You're one of them believers. I am. This fucking guy! You're one of them believers! I am, yeah, I do believe, yes. Just give me an ale. All right, right away.

One ale for table two, please. What kind of ale? What kind of ale would you like? Oh, you have like a- We got lots of ale now! We got lots of different types of ale. You want dark ale would you like? Oh, you have like a- We got lots of ale now. We got lots of different types of ale. You want dark ale, light ale? He's really into the varietals,

so you might have to listen to a bunch of options. You have like a- We got wheat ale, we got- You have like a stout, like a red stout. Stout, we got porter. Porter, pork. I know, does Lysart not know anything about beer? Porter! I.P.A., we got a mango cart, maybe?

Is that what it is? Yeah, I'll just have that stout, thank you. Got it! All right. There you go. Here, I'll put it on Rex. Rex, come with me. Come here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, this way. Come here, honey. Rex just clips one of the Khajiit kids' heads. It's right at the kid height. It's okay. Ah! Don't cry. Come here, baby, come here.

All right, there you go. Here's your ale. Thank you. Go away, go. About this time, the door swings open again. Bling, bling, bling, bling. I don't know if you guys have a door. I don't know.

Yes. I made that as part of the episode. It's like the rat skulls from before. Oh, so it's like clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. You see a familiar face, familiar face, walk through the front door. Familiar, yet perhaps not welcome. An Altamir figure in fine Cerulean clothing,

short blonde hair, now even more shorn and clean cut to accommodate for the hot summer months. This is your old friend, Diven, the tax collector. Fucking Diven. Elf-eel. Go. Oh, hello, Sir Diven. Welcome back to our little humble tavern.

We're so delighted to have you back. We believe we paid all of our taxes previously, and what brings you here today? Just a meal, perhaps? Oh, I see you have made quite the improvements since I've last been here. Yes, we are doing our best and paying our taxes like law-abiding citizens,

because you said the vats, and now we're doing it. Good for you. I actually don't work for the tax department anymore. Oh, what's your new job? I now work for the Department of Health and Safety for the Dominion. I am subtly trying to entice the Khajiit children to go attack Diven with their wooden swords.

Ooh. Like, get him out of there. From the waist. Okay. Aim for the knees and ankles, joints. Go. Go. Okay.

I was just peeking above the double swing door to watch the soldier eating the lamb to see the reaction, and then I heard that, and I've immediately scurried away into the kitchen, and there's a lot of sounds happening. I'm kicking at the rats that live under the counter to try to shoo them out before he... Yes, um...

You know, I'm just here to do a routine inspection. Oh, that's fine. I mean, health sounds very important and safety is also very important, so this should be totally fine, I think. I will... What do you need to look at first? Well, you know, if you wouldn't mind

just giving me a moment. Don't want any hovers while I walk around and Gah! And about this time, just the two Khajiit children just start whacking at his shins. No quarter! Aim higher! Yeah!

Oh, those don't belong to us, so that's not part of the restaurant. I'm so sorry about that. Here, Little Tikes, please go back to your table. We apologize for that, truly. Just... Is that a good note? Yes.

Is that saying that we have all ages are welcome here and it's a family establishment? I think that's what you're writing, right? I'll do my inspection now, if you don't mind. I think that's what you're writing, right? I'll do my inspection now, if you don't mind. I've been told I'm an excellent helper. I can assist you. I'm hovering the shit out of this old murder.

He turns and walks away and starts looking at things, doing his own thing. Hmm. These new torch sconches. Beautiful. You hung them a little bit low. That could be a fire hazard. Easy, easy to fix.

I go and rip one off the wall. All right. We're problem solvers. Nice stained glass. All right. We're problem solvers. Nice stained glass. Thank you. I had a problem with you and now we're good. Well done. Good craftsmanship.

Oh, this levitating tray. Yes, yes. His name's Rex and he helps me serve all the food. Bit dingy. Well, I mean, that's a bit- You do clean this, right? It's a bit alive, so, you know, he cleans himself from time to time, as is his...

I can make it. All done. Oh. He is stomping on the floor and testing the floorboards a bit. Can I insight check him? Sure. Like, is he?

Does he think he's being thorough? Oh, no, it begins. Nevermind. I'm not going to finish with that. Oh god, I just thought we rolled so bad for this game. Nine, I got a nine. He seems pretty diligent. Yeah, seems he's taken this new change

of government position pretty seriously. Hmm. Yes, these soft floorboards. Soft? Soft. I thought it was floorboards. They're made of wood. He crouches down, pulls out a little utility knife, cracks one of them open.

Aren't you supposed to do this when we're not in the middle of working? Well, I sent a notice. You should have gotten it. We've boonced. That's not my department. Continues to look under the floorboards. Oof. What are you doing? Oh yeah, a bit of a crumbling foundation.

Under here. All right. Do something. Do you mind if I just check behind the bar? Yep, I mind a lot. Well, unfortunately, if you don't let me check behind the bar, I can't finish your inspection,

and it's an automatic failure. What does it mean if we fail the inspection? Oh, you will be shut down effective immediately, until any and all adjustments are made. I, what is your, why do you seem to have this vendetta against us? We've done nothing but serve you. Yeah, get behind the bar and go look behind the bar.

I drop a rag on the ground, hopefully cover up the racks. I take him to the corner. He's moving racks. He kind of, it's all so enchanted. Yeah, it's a levitating bar towel. That one's named Bessie. Mm-hmm. Rex and Bessie. Bessie. Yeah, it's a levitating bar towel. That one's named Bessie. Mm-hmm.

Rex and Bessie. Bessie. Yeah. Bessie and Rex. Right. Yeah. These bird friends are also... Oh no. These are new. Yes, they all have names and they all have individual souls.

And feelings and thoughts and dreams. They also could have diseases. Oh no, they clean themselves all the time. Are you worried about them being dirty? Yes, precisely. I call all of the birds over to me and I have this big pitcher of water and I just dunk on top of them. And now they're clean.

And the birds are shaking themselves off. And now they're clean. That's how cleaning works. You just dunk. Rex, come here. And I just take another thing of water, pitcher of water, just throw it on Rex.

Clean. I am on the wrong side of water, put your water, just throw it on Rex. Clean! I am on the wrong side of this, because I am with Diven. Now we got a big puddle of dirty water. Yeah. Nice. Bessie. No? Please come clean up this weird mess

that Hwa has caused. Oh, oh, Bessie doesn't actually respond to your, it's just a rat. Diven now just, I bought it. Just a rat with a rag over top of it. But it does move and start drinking. Feels like it kind of worked.

Magic. Diven looks at the puddle and now goes, Hm. Improper water spillage cleanup. Leaving standing water. All right, behind the bar now. And he just lifts the little swing door, goes in. These keg taps.

Got a little bit of mold growing on some of the spigots. Stick my finger in there and wiggle it around. Really? Oh yeah. Are you supposed to remove these every once in a while? I don't know. We'll get those cleaned for you. And now the kitchen.

Did I ask you to make strength checks? Yeah! Sure. SAM and LAURA SAM and LAURA How does this? You just push. Yeah, you just push through. It's a double door, it goes both ways.

I want to walk into the kitchen just to prove a point. Same roll. He just... I lift away the, I'm taking away the barrier and backing up. Come in. Thank you. Come in. Kitchen upgrade.

Yeah, very clean, very clean. Lovely. Very clean. Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you've seen what you've done. It was over, um. I don't, don't. Is that, is that gas? Is that gas? One of these burners are not working.

Do you know these burners are not working? I might be aware of that, yes. Hmm. Wait, do I have any magic? Not working. I might be aware of that, yes. Hmm. Wait, do I have any magic? And then he can make fire. Starts going to, I've got a magical sword that can end this very quickly. Throws open some drawers and some cabinets.

Oh, they're full of dirty shit. And is immediately taken aback. I hid everything. I drew everything when we came back here. There's quite a few rodent droppings, isn't there? Kind of gathered in the corners. I had someone quit on me this week, and it's been just a bit of a...

Would that be Sir Timothy? Maybe. We've heard from him recently. Have you? Just complained about some improper workers' conduct within the establishment. Some complaints about some rude and ornery employees and business partners. Well, he's a liar and a traitor, and I...

We had some disagreements, that's absolutely fair, but we parted ways. He wanted to look for other employment, and I needed somebody who actually knew how to work. Great. Did you at least offer to write him a recommendation? No! That's what it is, then.

Well, beyond the cook, and honestly, this one's not even, this isn't my department, but got some complaints about a rude bouncer. Just, you know. It's part of the experience. Well, it's your business. People come here just for a bouncer.

Yeah. Do you want to, can I show you the main attraction of this bar? You want the full experience? Please. You are so diligent and meticulous. You would be remiss to not see. Make a persuasion check.

Yes. Come on, come on, come on. One good roll. No. Three. Oh, wow. Perhaps after I am done with my evaluation, I am here on official Dominion business, so shouldn't be playing on the clock. Welp, I think I've seen enough.

If you wouldn't mind just giving me a moment to calculate your score. I'll be with you in a moment. And you just kind of. Is this how Alvin's built? Does it really work? He shuffles off into the corner and is kind of, he's got a clipboard and he's checking forms.

Grandma, go get the bread, buddy. We're going to have to. Oh no, say the word, we could have a new special tomorrow. Are we talking about how we're going to attack him? Do you kill and cook the inspector? I think that's a good idea. Hmm. But there's soldiers here, they'll see.

We kill this guy, are we going to get in trouble? Will people know? They'll know the difference. Sure, yeah, yeah, roll a... What would that be? Roll a survival? Roll a... Just roll a history check. How about that?

Oh. Eight. We are a powerhouse. Oof. Why? You don't know a lot about politics and how it works, but you do know that if people tend to mess with the Dominion, especially government official employees, that sometimes those people are never seen again.

All right. Dangerous game. After a moment, Diven comes back. Welp, tallied up your score, and I have bad news. I am so sorry, my dear acquaintances. I'm afraid this establishment is not up to code. I regret to inform you that I must immediately

shut down this business. Again? By order of Title 47, in accordance with Article 69, Section 11987B4. This is primarily in part and in perpetuity with Article 69, Section 11987B4. This is primarily in part and in perpetuity due to the crumbling foundation of the building. But good news is, once sufficient repairs are made, you may reopen your establishment immediately.

So, oh, and, sorry. After you pay $150 gold fine for allowing the foundation to wear out and get that bad in the first place. How much money do we have? 150 gold as the fine, and we have to repair everything. Yes. Foundation problems,

so expensive. They are. Finding a contractor is very difficult during this time. It's true. Can I make a history check? Because there's no way I don't know what the legal ramifications are for killing a government official. If it's less than 150 gold in fines and jail time,

I would like to make that calculation, please. Can I? Sure, yeah. Roll a history check. Okay, okay. Oh no, it's not plus anything. 10. It's not so much the fine of murder within the Empire or within the Dominion.

It's more of the locked away in a dungeon, never to be seen again factor. You get caught. Cool. All right. And can we at least finish the lunch service, or must we shut the doors immediately? Well, I would say you have as much time

as it takes me to post this sign on your front door. Let me help you out, then. I want to throw him out the front window. Okay, yeah, make a, what is that, a strength check? Yes, please. Make a strength check. Cool. You can do it. There we go. Can you be athletics?

Sure. 30, 20. Without, like, it happened so fast, Diven doesn't even know what really happened to him. He just was standing in the tavern and is now laying down outside the tavern. And you look through the stained glass and you just see he's a little bit in a daze, scuffed up on the ground.

And I just flip him off as the glass slowly reforms. Fjord closes that yell. That's part of the immersive experience! Oh, didn't you knock the hair off me? You knocked the hair off him. Oh my god! Oh! He stands up, brushes himself off.

Lock the door. Oh, oh, okay. We'll get the guests out first. Well, we have to, there's still food coming for some of them, though. They'll leave hungry. We can't let a guest leave hungry. Why is that the takeaway here?

Because our customers are like our family. If we don't treat them well, they won't come back for more. They're not like my family. I actually talk to the customers on occasion. It's true. Also, they're soldiers. Won't they become irate if we don't serve them their food? They don't believe in Daedric's

and all of the supernatural stuff that we've seen. They are effectively bullet fodder, so I'm not worried about them. I mean, there's an easy way to take care of this. What's that? What is that? Offer them a free drink as we kick them out. Oh. I like that idea. I don't want any upset customers.

Emerging money. Oi! Come get a drink and get the fuck out. And if you don't like it, you can blame the gentleman laying outside the window. Yep, they did it. You just look outside the window and just see a struggling Diven.

Feel free to kick some dirt in his face on your way out. Oh, that'll get you 10% off your next pork platter. His name's Diven, just so you know. I start pouring ale out of the moldy tap, passing it out. After a moment, you just hear. Oh. And you see, he's clutching his scythe a little as he hammers in.

Oh, he's posting it. Sign. If we take this far back enough, really, it's the inspectors who went over this when we bought the place that have really messed us here. I feel like they should have caught this. For sure. Did we have an inspection when we bought this?

Thought it was more of an as-is scenario, but I guess we should have done our due diligence. Thought we hadn't. Didn't we have an inspection when we bought this? Thought it was more of like a as-is scenario, but I guess we should have done our due diligence. Thought we hadn't. Didn't we have an inspection? Mallory. We didn't have anything. I go over to where the foundation problems are and start stomping my feet on the wood planks.

Do I feel anything? Does it feel like I could break through? It's one of those things where it's like, you've always known that it seemed a little janky, but wasn't really a problem that crossed your radar. But now as you like, Squeaky floorboards. You know, stomp around, you're like,

feels a little rough. Now we got to fix this. We could have thrown some sawdust. What's underneath the bar? Well, we should, let's get everybody out first. Thank you for coming, everyone. Remember, we mainly subsist on tips, so please be generous on your way out.

Thank you so much. Give us a tip and get the fuck out! Fight the good fight, soldiers, Children, please learn the good learn and have a wonderful day. And sign the guestbook, please, before you leave. The guestbook is very important. On the outside of the door is still Devon, just wanting to get back in,

and then the door swings open from a customer, he takes a step back. He's playing that battle of when too many people are leaving, but he's trying to get back in, but is like, You're like a terrible salmon. Can I use animal handling to try to get my birds to shoo him away? Sure.

A peck fight, if you will. All right. Uh... A seven. Wow, we are the best. You said how many birds were there? Six? Um, yeah, six. Number one, just out the window.

Oh, oh! Like gone forever? Just out the window. Oh! Like gone forever? Just out the window. Well, number one went to go find its dream. Number one was in league with Timothy. Yeah. We don't know that. Is there a letter?

I had a look to him. I was always thinking that. Maybe it didn't like water getting dumped on it. Well, now they're clean, so I solved one problem. I have solutions to our problems, and Devin didn't seem to like it. He doesn't understand. And once again, Devon's still trying to get in. Just wait.

The two Khajiit kids, just as they're on their way out, whack, whack! Nice. Come on! I love, I think I want kids to teach tiny murder. Not for me, to do crimes for me. Okay. Yeah. You're going to, you want to start a family?

Whoa, okay, calm down. Not with me, I'm just saying, in general, I'm trying to get to know you better. I feel like we work together, but we're not friends. You know, like, there should be. I also have that feeling. Yeah, so I didn't know that you were, had sort of a family mindset. That's really nice. I feel like that feeling. Yeah, so I didn't know that you had sort of a family mindset.

That's really nice. I feel like I clarified. And I think there's a moment where she tries to be super gruff about it, and then looks around and is like, I mean, yeah, a little bit. I mean, you know my family is not the greatest. I mean, they're tight,

but I've been on the outs with them for a long time. And so when I see that feeling of familial bond in someone, I really appreciate it. It's a good thing to strive for. If you want, you could call me your honorary brother. I thought he was going to offer to bone you. I was also afraid of that, but you know what? I will take the brother feels good.

I like that. And she claps you on the shoulders very hard. Brother. Yeah, thank you. Pushes you away. Oh, you're still here. What? Sorry. Wasn't done before you. Oh, you're still here. What?

Wasn't done before you threw me through. That's going to be five gold. It's back. Yeah. It's immersive. It's deeply impressive, I will say. Thank you. I do enjoy that. Well, that'd be a discount or something for us?

Like a bonus point? To our roll for persuasion. Oh. Oh. Which of us? Good luck. I do. Nose ghost. Slaughter, you brought it up first, with advantage because they're assisting you.

It's a one and a five. Dear lord. Team, what's going on? It hurts to play this game. Yeah. This is rough. I'll tell you this. We're going to do the inspection. Sorry, carry on.

I cannot offer you a discount, as a fine is a fine, and all of the paperwork must be of the utmost diligence and streamlined, or else I could get in trouble. You could understand that, right? You've got me to get in trouble. But I'll offer you a little tip because I like the stained glass window.

We do work on tips. He pulls out his notebook again and he writes down a name. I'm going to put that in a vague direction. Rips off a paper, hands it. This is a reasonable and fairly decent stonemason. His name is Orriman Granoth. Not far north from here, through the woods.

Through the woods? Mm-hmm, yes. Well, he set up his own little rock quarry, so got to travel a little bit. But the day is still young. If you set off now, The day is still young. If you set off now, you might be able to get there and back again before nightfall, and perhaps not lose too much business.

You could get started on your repairs tomorrow, perhaps be open the next day. All right, all right. That's not too bad. He's an okay person. Just tell... No. Don't tell him I sent you.

Is there some sort of deep past conflict we should know about? He's just a little rough around the edges. Like all stonemasons, am I right? But yes, just head north through the grotwood, I'd say hour and a half, two hours. You should run into a clearing. He's got a little stone cabin built into the base of a wood. Well, thank you so much. You know, you've been helpful and diligent got a little stone cabin built into the base of a wood.

Well, thank you so much. You know, you've been helpful and diligent, and we appreciate your service to the community and to the safety of our kingdom, empire? Health and safety. Yes. Dominion. Dominion. Dominion. My department, yep, and that's who I work for. Thank you for your utmost cooperation.

Does he really work for health and... Make an insight check. I'm sure you'll roll low and we'll never know. Is that berry pie still on the table? Oh. 17! Yo! Okay, okay.

When it counts. There is an air of bullshit to him, but you're not entirely sure if it's because the department and who he is as a person is just wrapped up in a little bit bullshitty all the time, or if he's actually trying to pull a fast one. You're not sure, but there is something that kicks in the back of your head of like,

is this really right? Is he doing this correctly? Okay. Yeah. Hmm. Anyway, I'll be back in one week's time to check in on your progress, unless you would like me to come in a little bit earlier, if you think you might be done.

Because remove this little post on your door, utmost haste. We'll probably get in touch with you within two days' time. All right. Yeah, we're speedy. I will look for your word, and if I do not hear anything, I'll just slide by. I am in the neighborhood.

I actually have to do a few more health inspections, a few days at the joint across the street, so. Are you lonely? Roll an insight check. Yes! Do it. Thor! He goes,

Nope, I am happily married with two children, actually. Quite the family man. Thank you for asking. And I want to point at the pie that the soldier, like the lady soldier, didn't eat. Don't let it go to waste. Sit down. We don't have any other customers.

You might as well. Grabs the chair, slowly pulls it back, sits down. Oh, it's not to go. Okay, I wasn't. I quickly clean the table off, and I get a candle and I put it out. I make it all nice. He takes someone who's on a diet at the bar,

like a date who's not really wanting to eat anything. He takes the tiniest sliver off the front of the pie. That may be the best pie I've ever had. It's the fresh jumble berries. Hmm. Well, I'm full. Thank you. I best be on my way.

A lot to inspect, lots of code, lots of health and safety to implement. Well, good day to you, and next time you come, maybe we'll serve you another sliver of pie. I look forward to it. Hopefully it doesn't have rat feces, and he just starts to shuffle out the door. I mean, to it. Hopefully it doesn't have rat feces. And he just starts to shuffle out the door. I mean, to be fair,

I did see some of the birds going at that one before you offered it, so that's fine. Well, shit. I tried to be nice. I will never do it again. You did great. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. So we're in this pickle again.

Yeah. Yeah. We owe money to the state. Uh-huh. And we had no way of getting it. Well, we got money. We got to fix our foundation. I like the idea of a stonemason. Yeah. Let's go find this guy.

We have other options. I just want to throw them out there. Murder. We could track Devon, whatever their name was. Whatever you guys say, a little bit is fine. Murder him, thus ending our run-in with the law forever. We could pry open these soft floorboards

and try to repair the foundation ourselves. Ooh, DIY. Stuff it full of rags and shit. Well, I meant to actually repair it, but sure, yeah, we can stuff it full of rags. As. Well, I meant to actually repair it, but sure, yeah, we can stuff it full of rags. As the one who tried to fix the oven, I have a funny feeling it's not going to go very well, so. Or I guess we could-

We could just pull up the floorboards and see, though. We could. Maybe there's another portal to a- Oh my god. Oh, that would be amazing. I pull out a cheap kitchen knife and a spatula and begin ripping up the floorboards. Okay. Roll a strength check. Ooh, this'll be fun.

Hee hee. Ooh, that's an actual roll. That's 15. Okay, yeah, no problem. These boards are pretty dry rotted. They've got a little bit of termite damage. They start popping up pretty good, and it does expose this kind this crumbled stone flooring

that has a decent amount of cracks. Looks a little like it was already a patchwork job before they covered it up with this hardwood flooring. I'm just going to put it out there. I like the stone floor better. It's real nice. Actually, if we've repaired this, like, If we get the mason to come,

maybe we could just go eschew the wood for just a full stone floor. That might be the way to go. This is going to be so much easier to clean, too. So we should go visit this gentleman, this Ormen Grenof. Have we, DM, have I ever heard of Orimen Grennoth. DM, have I ever heard of Orimen Grennoth before?

Make a history check. Is his name Ormen? Like Or-man? Orimen. O-R-I-M-E-N. Orimen. Orimen. That's a 19. Okay. He's a mason. Um, yes.

There's not too many stonemasons around. The odd thing is, it's one of those, that's a name I haven't heard in a long time, and I haven't even really thought about it. I didn't even know this person still existed, but you've only loosely heard about him because you're not really in the architecture and construction business. I think I've been to a couple of buildings

where he stamped his name on the cornerstone, you know? Yeah. It seems familiar. But like, yeah, like, I don't know. Almost like hearing about Henry Ford, like, oh. Wait, what? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I don't know. Almost like hearing about Henry Ford, like, oh. Wait, what? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I don't know what it feels like. May just be the Templar in me, but we also consider just burning this place down

and getting the insurance money. Do we have insurance? Oh, I don't think so. Did we do that? I don't think we've done it. Another thing we forgot about. But, but, we could take out an insurance policy. Then? Wait a couple weeks for it to kick in, I guess.

I don't know how insurance works. Do you think they do insurance policies on places that are condemned and shut down? I don't know. We should get it for cheap or more. I don't know how insurance works. I'm closing this plan. Let's just...

All right, all right. That was a good outside the box. I just want to put lots of options out there. I like fire. Yeah. Good plan, G. Thank you. Well, I'd like to protect this place,

as it's a place where we've made all of our memories and a great business model, so maybe just ask the stonemason to help? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The clean. No, that's fair, that's fair. That seems like the simplest choice. Keep the burning it down on like this,

like as a plan B or C or D? Upgraded from G. Okay. Now it's B. I was very happy with G, but I'd say C. We don't have any of the letters in the middle. The second plan is burn it down. With murder B? Which one?

Second plan is burn it down. Let's go talk to the omen. All right, we're going through the dangerous woods, though. We should bring some weapons for protection. Yeah, we bring the torch that I ripped off the wall. Okay. Yep. I'll grab my axe from above the bar. Great. I'm ready. I'll bring a stick,

and I'm going to bring Rex, just in case. Should we get some rope or some shit? I walk into the back and bring out the magical sword that we got from in the crevice and hand it off to you. I didn't want to, you know, I thought that was maybe yours. I didn't want to. You claimed it. I'm not going to take a thing.

Yeah, but you know, you're very good. We're keeping it in the family. You're good. Family? See, there that is again. Did we get anything else cool the last time that I remember? Oh, you know. We got those cloaks. We have cloaks. We did get some cloaks. We're fancy cloaks. Yeah, we all have our cloaks that we've dyed

to be our uniforms. Oh yes! They were tabards, and they do give us a plus one to saving throws and plus one to AC. What color did you dye them? All of them? Mine's green. All the colors? You did a little tie dye job? What color?

We should synchronize our colors. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. Green? Green. Mine's green. Green? Green? It took so much to turn this from crimson to green.

So proud of it. Yeah. Green cloaks on all of them? I was green, but I washed it with some oil. Look, we're camouflaged. Yeah. It's great. Now it's just this awful plum. Okay, nice. I love it.

It's a little bit green. Yes. Mine's green. Green. You're in green cloaks. Yeah. It's great. And the plum one. Is that stupid? No, it's great, of course. No, I love it. Green cloaks.

I was just honestly curious, just because I want to paint a picture. Green. Well. Didn't you get, you got an upgraded axe too, though, yeah? Didn't I? Yeah, you did. How do you remember all this? I got an upgraded axe. I have a, I'm a DM. I do my job.

I got an upgraded axe. I don't have it marked down. It's a plus one, so it should just increase. Oh, maybe it's already in part of my- I got a magical sword of some sort. Yeah, yours is also a plus one. Jesus, this is amazing, thanks. You know me, Cesar. I remember.

Memory notes. I go to the corner and there's a large- Good god. Should I add a plus one to my damage? Yes. To hit and damage. Laura, don't cheat on Marisha right in front of her. No, please.

I'm sorry. Go. She knows more. Marisha, I'm a side view. I'm a plus one to my attack and a plus one to my damage. Great. Amazing. Like, do it on a break or something. I mean, she's right there.

I see you doing it. Aabria's like, I am your god now. Don't look at Matt Mercer. And I'm like, Aabria is still your god now. Look at her. Still my summer. Still, yes, it is still the summer of Aabria. Let's be real here. All right.

All right. Are you guys doing this on foot? Do we have an option? Did we upgrade to get horses? We never got horses. I think I remember having more animals. We have a deli- Okay, so there was definitely a period

where a minor plague swept through the Grotwood. So we have a little delivery wagon. Okay, great. How are you hauling that? It's got one horse. We have one horse? It's an old, bad horse. Okay. Oh yeah. But didn't they say it was only an hour walk?

Yeah, I think we should just walk it. Okay. Because it's the woods. That's fair. Yes, right? Yeah. I'm fine walking. All right. I just look at the horse like, next time, buddy.

He's tired. Yeah. He's old. He's foaming the mouth a little. You're not sure why. The birds. The birds. Yeah. It's got a little avian flu. Well, no.

It's not their fault. They're just doing bird things. They didn't know. Okay. You guys head out. You guys know this town very well. You know exactly the smoothest and easiest entrance into the south side of the Grotwood.

And this is the Grotwood where this area is, more or less has its namesake from. These woods are dense, overgrown, and you need to know of footpaths that only locals would really know of how to get through, how to follow. Somebody make a survival trap for me. DM, by the way, just for clarity,

before we left, I got my Bandolier of Skulls. Oh, okay. Just in case. You could take them off of the Wind Chime. Yeah. Also, to be clear, we locked the doors before we left, correct? It's very important. Somebody had to do it. You, Hoa, you turn around to slam the door shut

in the front of Grelnok Skull Tavern, and this beautiful sign that you guys have had hand-carved over these past 85 days that you're very proud of, now just has this big condemned by the Dominion for the public's health and safety sign pasted right over top of it. And, you know, it hurts a little.

I do the same as last time, and I take out a quill, and I just start writing, and we'll be just right back in a little. Yeah. I do the same as last time, and I take out a quill, and I just start writing, and we'll be just right back in a couple of days. Please don't remember to come back and revisit. We are not closing for good. Love, the friends of Renluck. That's a lot of words. Really hard to write now.

Yeah, it's squeezed in the margins around a bunch of litigative code and fine print. That fourth grade sign says, Happy birthday. Yes. Absolutely. You wrote my name wrong. You wrote Grelnok.

It's Grelnok. It's on the sign. It's Grelnok. I cross it out and I start all over again. And we will be just right back in a few days. There's just ink splotches. I am so sorry. Oh, I am so sorry that I made that mistake.

Well, it's been a day. Yeah, just the anxiety. Now we're ready. Yeah. All right, you guys set forth into the base of the anxiety. Now we're ready. Yeah. All right, you guys set forth into the base of the woods. And at this point in time, it's just past noon, going on one o'clock. The sun is high in the sky and it is hot.

Full, deep summer day. You can feel the sun just beating onto the tops of your shoulders. Roll a 19 survival check. Okay, great, great. So Grelnok, you take hikes in these woods all the time. Yeah, obviously. Big hiker. Yes.

Big hiker. Of course. You know. Love hikes. That's what everyone says about you. You find a familiar footpath that you have traversed before. It's a little overgrown, looks like it hasn't gotten much traffic in a little bit, but you can still see the forest through the trees

and can carve your way through pretty easily to start out getting into these woods. As we walk, I'm going to just walk next to Tavima and say, Tavima, I just wanted to say thank you. I'm sure you all have noticed that all of my quills fell out. I didn't want to say anything.

I know you didn't want to say anything, and I appreciate that. Like, I could see, I've seen you look at me. Like, I've seen you look at me and see, like, I'm clearly, I look different. And I just wanted to explain, so I know you have unanswered questions. I have so many questions.

I'm an Aragonian, as you know, and we have a 50-year molt. But it's not supposed to happen for many, many more years. But I think because of the traumatic experience that we had down in the depths, it might've prematurely molted me. This is all Elder Scrolls canon, by the way. All definitely true.

But so, and I appreciate you not saying anything because I've been quite self-conscious about it. You look great. You look sleeker. I know, it's just, I feel like they were a shield from the outside world to me, you know? Just keeping me, making me feel a little bit more secure, and now I just feel a little bit more exposed and vulnerable.

I subtly pull the one that I keep in my hairdo out and wipe it off. You kept one? Yeah. And I give it back to you. Oh. If you want to. Thank you. I'll just tuck it behind my ear and feel the sharp tip.

And that's nice. I thought I had lost all of them, so. Oh goodness, are we giving him back his quills? The note I had just written. I was like, this was part of the guest book. Oh, you kept one, too. I thought you knew it was there, but yeah. Oh, okay, great.

Yeah. I'll tuck that one in the other ear. Well, now it's symmetrical. That's nice, that's nice. Thanks, thanks, I appreciate it. All of you. Oh! Let me get you.

You kept one as well? Oh. Yep, that tracks. That tracks. I'm sorry to interrupt your hike, but let's just keep going. Who's leading this charge? The one that hikes. All right, all right.

I am the one who hikes. Her greatest power of all. You hike for a bit. 30 minutes, 40, 50. And even though you know that it is broad daylight, not a cloud in the sky, it's still getting darker as the forest canopy is getting denser and denser.

And still that sticky, dewy air as the moisture from the forest floor permeates. All of you are just soaking through your clothes, drenched in sweat. And then, who wants to make a perception check for me? I'll do a roll. Yes. Yeah. 12. Okay.

Something. It's a number. It's Something. It's a number. It's something. It's a number. So here for double-tension. There's this moment, Mallory, as everyone's walking and everyone's talking and joking and kiki-ing, and you can hear birds and chipmunks. They make noise, right?

And the general clatter of the forest. And Mallory, after a certain moment, you notice it's really quiet. Can't hear any birds. Can't hear any crickets. Hear that? Do-do-do-do-do-do hear any crickets. You hear that? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Shh! Oh, what? Well. It's nothing. Were you humming the birthday song? I was humming the birthday song. We're not at work. Powered down a little bit. I hate to go this cliche, but it's too quiet.

When you hike these woods, does it ever sound like this? I'm going to very carefully take a look right on the front. Does it ever sound like this when I hike, usually? Do I ever, have I ever noticed this? Go ahead and make a perception check as well. Can I give advantage by helping? Sure. You're just back to back?

Yeah. 16? Hey! Yeah. Okay, you hear what Mallory is saying, and you also take this moment to look around, and yes, it almost felt like there was this swell. You start to now, thinking back in the past two, three minutes,

there was a bit of a swell of birds chirping and then sudden silence. And roll the survival check as well. Oh, 19. Great. Killing it. You know that this tends to be a sign that a predator is nearby. The birds went on alert, started squawking,

making this loud ruckus, and now it seems like a lot of the woodland creatures are playing the stealth game. What do we do? Glass just broke. What is that? Fuck! Where's the Matt Mercer sound effects when you need them? What? It wasn't glass?

It was supposed to be trees rustling. Oh. I heard it. That's what trees sound like. What do trees sound like? I think someone's shooting lasers. It's what trees sound like. What do trees sound like? I think someone's shooting lasers. It's a chipmunk. Wrong game, wrong game. Oh, man.

It's trees rustling. You can hear some branches. Oh shit. A stick breaks. I am going to face that direction and prepare. Make a perception check. Question. No.

One. Mallory, as you're looking deep into the forest brush, you almost get this tunnel vision, as you can just see this parallax of the forest stretching on deeper and deeper for forever, it almost seems, and you think you are hyper-focused, staring deep into the woods in the foreshore direction you heard this from.

And then from the right of you, this lizard head pokes its head out of the bushes right into your face. Like a big lizard or a? Like a friendly lizard? Yeah. I need everybody to roll initiative. Yeah!

Let's go! Oh. There we go. Good batter. Best life. All right. Z1, roll over 20. Dirty 20. Dirty 20, okay.

Dang. I hate hiking. Lizard killing time. 20, okay. Dang. I hate hiking. Lizard killing time. 20 to 15. 15 to 10. 12. 12. Okay, who's got the higher dex? 12.

12. You guys can choose. You guys are going at the same time. Hold the parchment. Cheers. Hold the parchment. There we go, I'll go first. Great, that's how I wrote it down. I didn't want to change it.

Slaughter, 10 to five? Nine. Nine. Okay, Relnok. Rough first one here. Okay. Oh, this guy's initiative. What does he do? Ooh, he won't put a name on the thing I'm doing.

What do you add to their, it's their dex mod, right? Okay. Yeah, why? Make it a one. Just fudge the rolls. It's fine, it's fine. That's what Pat always does. That is not true, Do not attack him. Mallory, this lizard-like bulbous head

emerges from the brush and it peers out through as it separates leaves around it. It's got this red, scaly head that's got these gray stripes that are coursing back down the side of its body. Don't you even. Don't, don't, nope, nope, nope. Ah! And it comes after you.

That's what the noise that it makes. And it's going to go for a bite attack against you. Caw-caw! Caw! And that is a 13 to hit. AC is 13. Okay. Is that with the plus one in your cloak?

Oh yeah. Oh, we're wearing our cloaks? Did we, does it, is it our- It's not built in. You have to. Sweet. You take 14 points of damage. Oh my god. That's a lot. That is a lot. That is a lot.

And do a strength saving throw for me. We're in danger. Not the cook. We're all going to die! Nope. You are knocked prone. Okay. Ow. So the rest of you, you just, you know,

you hear that this forest has gone silent, and then as fast as you notice the silence, you just see Mallory full-on bum-rushed by this giant dinosaur-looking lizard thing. And it's full-on got it in its mouth, and this thing is called a gwar, is on top of Mallory, pinning him down, just snapping at him.

Oh no. As it's trying to bite with its teeth and you just see a huge chunk taken out of Mallory's shoulder. No! I've seen the direction he came from. I'm assuming we've seen, run across these before in the woods.

You have. These are these before in the woods. You have. These are pretty common in the woods. So you do, you are familiar with these creatures. Okay. Tavima, you're up. Sweet. So, okay. You are prone, but not grappled by curse, right?

Okay, so I want to run over and do my best to interpose myself between the gwar and Mallory. Okay. And my bonus action, I'm going to use a stamina for Shield Wall. Okay. And then from the end, peek over top of it and cast Sunfire and go,

hiking is bullshit, and hit it with an attack. Make your attack. Make your attack. Does an 18 hit? That hits. Cool, cool, cool. 15, 15. 20 points of 3d fire damage. Oh yeah, sorry.

Yeah, 20 points of fire damage. Damn! That is a lot. Is there any other enemy near or around this? Is it just him? That was your bonus attack, right? That was my action. That was your action. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead and make a perception check.

We're fighting Gwar. Gwar. Are we fighting scorpions or ACDC? There is green goo falling from the trees. What was that, 13? Those are trees. I'm immersed. From the opposite side,

you realize you are being flinked as another dinosaur lizard-like raptor thing comes out of the corner on the opposite side of you. Okay. It's worse! Just yell that and stay here and try to body block from a boy. And Mallory, you're up.

I'm going to Stand Up. Okay. Bonus action, Dark Exchange to heal. Ooh. Burn that Stannum. You said it. I did. And I regain seven hit points.

Okay. That's good. Yeah, it's better. And now I'm going to turn towards the one that's rushing right now, and I'm going to use the Force Shock for a 25-foot cone. Okay. So anything else that's in there is also,

that's a constitution saving throw. Okay. Do you have to roll against it? It's a 14, yeah, DC 14. He fails. That's fine because I rolled really terribly. That's five points of force damage. Okay.

Anything else that was in there? You see as you do this, just chunks, especially after Tavena just scorched the front of its flesh and you come back with this radiating boom of magical energy, and just where it was already charred on the front of this lizard creature's front face, just chunks of flesh start sloughing off of it and flying backwards from the force damage.

He's looking very rough. Heck yes. And is that your turn, Mallory? Yep. Slaughter Grimm. Seeing my friend in trouble, so the gwar that attacked him is still alive, right? Barely. Barely, okay.

I'm going to draw my sword, my magical sword. Was it a flamesword? Do we remember? I don't know. I didn't remember the bonus. Let's say that it's a flame sword. Okay. Yay! And I'm going to I'm going to run at the creature.

Ah! Get off my cook! And I'm going to attack with my sword. You start snapping at you a little bit in your direction, just out of defense. This is a cornered animal. Okay, I'm going to just roll. Oh, that's a one. Oh no!

It begins! Full as it backs up and it just sees you coming because you came running at it, screaming, and it just dodges as it snaps in your direction. Ah, okay. Well. I'm going to use momentum. I'm going to spend a stanima.

All right. It staggers a little bit and it is almost like, it's casing you. It's almost walking around you. I get a second attack. Oh, against another creature. Well, no, I don't. That's it.

Edge jaws snap around you again. Ah! Ah! I'm going to use the rest of my motion movement to get away, to get away. Will it get an attack of opportunity on me? No. Okay. Uh, because I'm feeling nice. Nice. Grelnok, it's your turn.

Good try. How close am I to the creatures? Okay, so I would say you're about 20 feet or so from the one that was coming after Mallory and Slaughter, but the other one is more or less flanked pretty close to you. It's about five, 10 feet away as it is now starting to flank you.

Okay, and Tavima is over at the one. I would get flanking advantage on the other one, right? Yes, Tavima is facing off against the right side. All right, then I want to get behind it. Okay. And I'm going to I think this, can I get advantage if I use my Molten Whip?

Yeah, sounds great, sure. So I'm going to use my Molten Whip to spend two magicka and send out a fiery red hot whip. They can strike an enemy up to 30 feet away. That's sick. And I'm going to try to whip it and yank it towards me. Okay, away from these guys. Yes. Okay, go for it.

All right. What do I do? I roll. You've got this. Wait, hold on, that's not with my battleaxe, so how do I do this? I make a spell attack. Okay.

14. That hits. Sweet. Okay, so if it's a large creature or smaller, is it large or smaller? It is large. Sweet, then it pulls 10 feet closer to me and I do 4d6 fire damage.

Do I get an attack of opportunity as it leaves my threatened area? Yeah, I think you would. Yeah. Nice. If she's ripping it away, yeah. Ten fire damage as it's pulled towards me. So you yank on this whip, and as the flaming whip wraps around its neck

and sears into what's already been pretty heavily damaged and burned from Tavima and then Mallory's force damage. As you yank, the whip just cauterizes and crushes its throat. And the head comes off, and not the rest of the body, and it is dead. No! I hit the rest of it.

Yeah, so you're super psyched. And yeah, yeah. I just tucked my sword into my arm and clap at you. Its tail twitches a little as you hit its rear end. Love it. Yeah. Okay, so as my bonus action, I'm going to use Venomous Claw. I'm going to turn around and go for the other one.

Okay. All right. And I'm going to strike out with my claws and go, Ha! Okay, make an attack roll. This is a melee. No, it turns to melee. Oh wait, it's an esme and melee.

As opposed to, I should treat it as a melee weapon attack. Okay. So that is a 21. That definitely hits. For sure. Grel knock. Three E-8 plus my strength modifier. Grel knock before you enter. Sure, sure, that's a thing.

I was going to say, Grel say knock you out, but no. I think you're good, too. So that's 10 poison damage to the gwa. All right. Hit harder, like a second after. Excellent turn. Hwa, you are up. Is there any space between Grelnok and the newer, still alive monster?

Or are they locked in? She's pretty tight against him now, making these claw attacks, but it is definitely distracted by Grelnok and trying to survey the scene. So you do still have an opening on its backside, if you would like. Hmm.

Okay, I'm going to try to set Barbed Trap. Okay. So I spend three stamina and there is a Barbed Trap, the 15-foot line, or a five-foot radius, a 15-foot line behind it. They're behind it. Okay. And if it crosses that, it has to make a DC 13-deck save throw or take damage.

Okay. So I set it, and a bunch of little, sort of like bugs come out of my fingers and you see them make a little line, like a straight black line behind the creature. Cool. If someone could just tip it backwards, like three inches, that'd be great.

Perfect. You see all the little buggies with their little spikies go out. All right. Top of the turn, it is the new Gwar's turn. It is squared off against you, Grelnok, so it's going to immediately attempt to protect itself. What is that? That is not great.

That is not a great, 10, 10 to hit. It doesn't hit me. All right. Its jaws try and snap around you. You successfully block, kind of bashes its jaw against your, do you have a shield? No, just really strong forearms. Okay, great, yeah. Just like, ah!

Ah! It can't speak, but that's what it's doing in its head. That's its turn. It's going to stay in melee with you. You are currently its biggest threat. And Tavima, you are up. Is this 10 feet away from me? This one's the one on the other side,

so it's a little farther. Yeah, I'd say it's 15. Perfect. Yeah, 20-ish. Okay, bonus action. I'm going to cast Backlash. Okay. I'm going to make a DC 15 con save. All right. It saves.

Ah, shoot. It rolled exactly a 15. Yeah. Okay, nevermind. So I'm like, anyway, and I'm going to Shield Charge it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool. Push it, push it. Mallory, you're on deck. Wait, what is that?

Two stamina. Oh, Shield is melee, I want that. Plus five. 19 it? Two stamina. Oh, she loses melee weapon. Plus five. 19 to hit? That hits. Cool. So 3d6. Eight. Plus three. 11 points of bludgeoning damage. Amazing.

And I need a DC 13 strength saving throw. All right. Or I'm going to knock it prone. And that's a free action, so we're going to be here for a second. Strength saving throw. It fails. Sweet. Good work.

So it's knocked prone, and I have advantage on attacking something while it's prone, yeah? Yes, absolutely. So then with my action, I'm going to attack it with my longsword. Do it. Yay. 30, 20 to hit.

Hits. Sweet. Did it fall on whatever your thing? Yeah, and then 10 points of piercing damage. Perfect. Girl. And then it stammers back. And it's already just looking super rough Aw. And then it stammers back. And it's already just looking super rough and it falls backwards onto your barbed track.

Make your move. Let's go! Aw. One, two, three, oh, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 damage. How do you both want to do that? Yeah! I run over and I'm less concerned about knocking it prone, so I hit it low to push it backwards

instead of knocking it down. And that little extra push with my sword is just to get it back, so then it staggers back. And then the flies do this crazy shit where they all, where they all spit, and instead of saliva, fly saliva, which probably exists, it's their little barbs, so they all hook into its body and they tear it apart, and that's the barb trap.

Oh! And its flesh goes everywhere, flying in every direction. And it sounds like. . Yeah, it's all the same sound effect. Yeah. Yeah, as the flies start to consume its body, and it's one of those things where

you see the face of this gaur, and then you don't suddenly, from where all it is, it's just a mass of writhing flies as they begin to crawl inside of his mouth and just start to instantly consume the corpse. Oh yay, it worked. Is everyone okay?

Good job. Ow. That was nasty. Are you all right? I hate hiking. That's what I said. I like hiking. Well, I quite like the outdoors. It's where all my friends live.

Do you need to be healed? I mean, a little, I'm all right. A little wouldn't hurt. I'm a little. Can you heal now? Can you heal people? You know how to heal? I can do a little.

I'll take a little. Unless. I can do this thing only once per short rest. We could take a little break. We could take a little break. I feel like once you kill two giant dinosaurs in the woods, you deserve a nap. So I spend one magicka.

I have an area of healing mushrooms and 10-foot radius. Anyone in the zone gains 1d4 hit points every turn for three rounds, or until it has been restored, 20 total hit points, or whichever comes first. So has anyone else damaged besides Mallory? No. They'll just sit in the whole time and take the 20.

So you get 20. That did it. I just rolled real well. I rolled four and four, so. Oh, great. Okay. I mean, if you sit there long enough, you'll get 20, so. Great. Yeah, I'm back. I'll do it. Just so you know,

it's a bunch of mushrooms and it looks really cool, and I have mushrooms here, but I can't reach you, but. Oh, cute. They're hitting the light. You are breaking my heart. I don't either where the light is. I don't either. It just vanished. You are breaking my athlete heart. You got to stop.

You got to stop. I'm going to grab a few. I've got a little. You have a crack in there. Here's our little truffle bag. I'm going to put a couple of these mushrooms in my truffle bag. Nice.

How long are you guys resting? They're so cute! Just a short rest. Well, we need to rest for, what, an hour or something? You said your spell, it's not an hour thing, is it? No, for the spell to work, it's just sitting around for three rounds, whatever that is, and then to refresh it,

I need a short rest. So I'm fine. Okay. Nothing bad has ever happened to us where we should have learned to take a short rest. So we're good. We should just keep going. We should keep going. Oh, without resting? I agree completely.

Let's do it. Okay. You've been trekking through these woods for about an hour now, kind of trying to do the math in your head based on what Devon told you, and maybe 30, maybe an hour more time. Someone make another survival check for me. I'll do it. Okay.

I'll just reach down and grab a handful of Nirn. Mm. Just to see if I can... Push knowledge. If I can figure out the direction. Oh god. Natural 20. No!

This is all happening. Incredible. And you found your calling! As the Nirn sifts through your fingertips and tumbles down your forearm. That's fresh Nirn. Smell it. Heaty. You look up.

You look behind you. You look forward again. You look down and you can see little granules of moss and lichen. Sure. And you know this lichen only grows under patches of sunlight as you start to reach the outskirts of the forest. Oh. Yeah.

And it always, and then you look and you see this rock and it's got moss growing on the side of it. You know, moss only grows on the north side facing rock. You are heading in the right direction and you probably only have about 30 or so minutes left. And with that natural 20, you are a little bit expedited in your journey.

On my six. Let's do this. I respond to strong commands. I'm a former soldier. I immediately fall in the line. Okay. That was hot. Really?

You can come on a hike with me anytime. I just push you because I'm behind you, like, let's go! Okay, okay. I just wanted to just bask in that for a second. Yeah, no! Okay. Shoot your shot. Okay, shoot my shot. Oh, let go, oh.

So, anytime you want to hike, you want to? Fucking walk. Cool, cool, cool. Once you've had a Grimm, you know, you like him. That's what they say. Oh no. Wow.

All right, I'm going to forge ahead into the forest. And with embarrassment, as the wind under your sails, you, with pure determination, walk forward through the rest of the forest. In about 20, 30 minutes, eventually the trees part and you start to see this clearing where there's a little bit of a hillside that's starting to emerge where the edge of the forest doesn't necessarily grow

on the emerging hillside. And with the sunlight now peeking through more and more, you can start to feel the heat of the summer months that you are deep within. Now, peeking through more and more, you can start to feel the heat of the summer months that you are deep within. And you see Ormen Granoth's small stone cabin nestled in the base of this hillside. It's, once again, very quiet,

very dark in this cabin. Doesn't really seem to be a lot of activity around it. You see old mining equipment strewn about the yard. And upon initial glance, no real sign of any life anywhere. Does it look like the shit thrown everywhere is that placed, left behind, or does it look like it was thrown? Do you want to get closer? Yeah. Okay. everywhere? Is that placed, left behind, or does it look like it was thrown?

Do you want to get closer? Yeah. Okay. Go ahead and make an investigation check. Yeah. Investigation. Nine. You know, I don't know. Maybe this guy's just really messy and he just leaves his stuff there.

You do get closer to it and you see that, bend down and look at this pickaxe, and there is rust that is starting to take over where the head of the pickaxe and the wooden handle meet and starting to consume the rest of the pickaxe. Think Master Mason would take better care of his tools. Oh, well, he's probably dead then, right? Or on vacation.

I'm going to walk all the way around. Okay. Just taking a look. As you walk forward, you can clearly see the front-facing facade of this cabin. And Mallory, as you start to do your loop, you get to the base of the mountain, and you realize that this cabin is actually built into the front of the mountain.

You cannot do a full perimeter on the outside. That's super cool. It's a set. It's not a real cabin. It's a flat? It's just a flat. Damn. We're by a mountain, right? Why don't we build Grelnok's skull into the mountain? Yeah. Like this.

This is sick. We're going to move the location of our place? Like 10 feet back from where it is. Why don't we just take this place? He's obviously dead. I'm going to try the door. Just open it or knock? I mean, we're making noise. I'm going to knock, then open it.

Nothing. I'm going to try and open it. No problem. I cease to care about politeness at this point. It's been a day. I'm walking in and taking a look around. Does it smell like old food? It does, precisely.

A little bit of old food, a little bit of that musty attic smell, like a sleeping bag that you haven't used in years. And it is dark inside, especially with this cabin being built into the base of the mountain. There's not really a lot of opportunities inside of it for natural light, and those windows that are there

are so coated in dust that not a lot of light pierces through. I got darkvision. Great. I can give us some light if you want. I'm eager to please. Mm-hmm. Okay. Inside of the cabin has the same feel as the outside.

All signs of life are deeply dated. You look over and there's a little, in the corner, a little side table, and there's this tankard that is scorched on the bottom that was clearly used as a coffee mug that whoever was here last would throw over the fire to make their morning coffee. You look in the bottom of the tankard

and there's this thick layer of muck at the bottom, long, dry, long sitting there. You look in the other opposite corner of the room and there's a dusty bedroll and a small, rickety, very handmade bed frame. And the mattress pad is flung and off of the side of the bed. Looks like rodents have gotten in

and stolen some of the bed, looks like rodents have gotten in and stolen some of the stuffing. Just this place is just reeking of sheer entropy from the universe. So there's nothing moving around? Make a perception check. Why do I even bother? Nine, I miss my old character. Do you need me to put some light in there? Is what it holds? Yeah, fine.

Okay. I'll take a skull off my bandolier. Ooh, finally. And whisper some necromantic words to it. Nerf, nerf, nerf, nerf, nerf, nerf. Set it on fire and put it, take out Rex and put it on top and say, go in, go in.

And so it's just going to float around, lighting, testing light. That's amazing. Pretty impressive. Rex hovers throughout and starts going deeper into this cabin. And you quickly start to realize it's not a big cabin. As Rex floats deeper within, you notice that there is no wall.

There are three walls, where the fourth wall would be is completely cored out into the mountain. And there is this upward angled slope, this tunnel that is carved with leftover mining rubble and ore and debris that has fallen down this mining shaft from where whoever was living here, whoever was operating this place, just decided to core into the side of the mountain

from the inside of their house, making the front of it the living space and the back side of it, their own personal mining endeavor. Cool. It would be a hell of a bed and breakfast if he kept building this out. There's a gathering of rocks that litter the floor

at the base of this slope that have just slowly slidden down and have been placed there by gravity over time. Do you go deeper? I mean... We going? We need to go deeper. Is there a sign of a struggle? Is there blood?

Is there? Make an investigation check. Anybody looking with me? I'll help. Holy! Dirty 20. Okay. Yeah! Excellent.

You, seeing the state of everything, you look down. There really is no floor in this cabin. It's more or less just leveled dirt and rock and bedrock that whoever built this just made whatever was here, this kind of flat surface, their flooring. And there's a thick layer of dust over top of it. And you do see some footprints that

just seem newer than everything else, considering the state that this place is in. Feels a little out of place. Leading to the door, leading, just shuffling around. Leading, they are facing towards this upward-facing Sloan Tunnel. Someone was here before us. Well.

Might I remind us, we came here to get our foundation repaired. We're not monster hunters or detectives or anything. We can just turn around and go home right now if we wanted to. Maybe Ormund's down the cave. Yeah, maybe the footsteps are his and he's taking a little break down there.

Maybe he's trapped down there because some rocks fell and he'll give a very, very nice discount to somebody who helps. Maybe he'd do it for free if we saved one. Maybe he's dead and all of his good stuff is inside and we take that for the fun. I'm sorry, I do not believe. This is disgusting.

He's not alive, right? Right? What if he's just like a... Like a sad hoarder? Yeah. He's got a nice scoby growing in the cup right there. Yeah, there's kombucha. See you. Take the scoby. Thank you.

You should take it. Honestly, that is valuable. Yeah. Give the scoby a sniff. It needs to be fed. It does. I mean, that's pretty popular if we have that on tap. That could go very well. A kombucha?

An alcoholic kombucha would go over great. Like a little ginger cranberry kombucha? I mean. We could put it in a moldy tap one and then never clean it. Mallory, as you- Even some jumbleberries really have a, like, it'll bring the flavor out real well.

Jumbleberry booch. Put it in a thingy. I don't know. I don't know how you do it. I like it. This is great. We'll make kombucha. I'm going to put it in you. Put it in a thingy, I don't know how you do it. I like it. This is great. We'll make kombucha. I'm going to put it in my canteen very, very carefully. You know when there's a thick layer of mold

and it just sloughs and slides out of the mug? That's what it does. It's stuck to the edges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it comes out of a perfectly disc shape at the bottom. It's like that. Fried egg, almost. Yes, yes. I want to be able to talk to a kombucha. You have to, but it comes out of a perfectly disc shape at the bottom. It's like that. Fried egg almost. Yes, yes. You have to.

Octoplants would work on kombucha, I think. Yeah, it's a lot. Mushroom. Is that a thing you have? No, but if I did. Maybe you'll find it. Just like somebody at home is going, ah. My animal will be a kombucha.

What if you think if this place was made by a stonemason that this foundation's really good, can we just take it? Is that how that works? I don't think that's how it works, no. You know, you're right, though. Now I'm realizing we should've got a cart. Thank you. I shouldn't have negged that.

I'm so sorry. I know you guys haven't been as interested in the cart situation. It was a limited use thing, I've negged that, I'm so sorry. I know you guys haven't been as interested in the cart situation. It was a limited use thing, but that horse, every time I look in his eyes, it makes me cry. But you know, he'd probably die trying to carry stuff.

Probably, he would've been eaten by those big dinosaur things. It's definitely a panic purchase. Let's not. I get stressed. My skull's going to run out soon. Should we go? Should we pursue and go in? I also have this torch that I ripped off the wall.

Oh, that's cool. I'm going to light it from the skull. Yeah. Yeah. I want to nudge the skull towards the front. The sound of fire. And plants and glass. Oh, I want to nudge the skull to the front of Rex, just so it looks like Rex is a little animal.

Oh, that's great, yeah. That's so cute. Zero. It's like a little ghost right there. Totally his little ghost kind of. Oh yeah. He does a little dance. He's going to...

Oh, that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Has his own little haunted mansion show that happens. You can see the wires. All right, are you guys all moving to the base? Yes. Yeah. Someone make a perception check for me. Wow, you have a perception check. I could perceive it.

I've got a plus five. You've got those. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. What? Those ears. I got a plus five. You got those. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you should be able to see. Those ears that can hear? They can hear everything that you're all thinking and saying. That is a 19. What?!

And with- Where have you been? Why don't you ever do this? Because everyone seems so eager to do it, and I just want to be support staff. With your keen Altmer hearing and those amazing ears, you pick up over all of the ruckus your party is making. No, no, now it's going to sound

like every other sound effect. Something has caught on fire. I was playing an old drum set, like a child's drum set. Tied to the drum. My arm broke at the very end. Someone told a joke. It was sort of to the tune of Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday, I'm sorry.

Happy Birthday. Merry Birthday. Happy Birthday. So birthday. Happy birthday. So you heard something? You heard something? What? Yeah, I heard there's definitely movement down there and indistinguishable sounds, so. There's quite a mystery, but there is movement.

Absolutely. Or water. You all hear it again. Chk, chk, chk, chk, kunk. And as it rolls towards you, you realize this was a rock. Okay. Falling down the slopey hillside

and tumbles towards your feet. Yes. But as if something or someone moved it because they're scrambling away from us or heard us coming or... And with you saying that, you hear, No! Holy shit. Nailed it.

Everyone who is standing at the base of the hillside, which I think is all of you, at this point, need to make a dexterity save for me as you see giant boulders. Boom! Oh! Hey! That start rolling down the hill. Natural 20! Five!

15 over here. Great. 10. Okay. Nine. Okay. You have a plus one to all saves, by the way. We do? 10! Oh, but then 20! Yeah. Thank you. Because of the cloak. The cloaks. Plus one to all saves, by the way. We do? 10! Oh, but then 20! Yeah. Thank you. Because of the cloak. The cloaks.

Plus one to all saves? Plus one to saves and your AC. While Grelnok and Slaughtergrim, you all save, and you see these boulders tumbling. Unfortunately, to Vima and Mallory, you, leading this charge, are not able to back away, and you take, you both take, hang on, seven, that was a good roll,

seven points of bludgeoning damage and are pinned under these giant boulders. No! Duh! Oh, for god's sake. And then you hear just a more, it sounds like water, but it is not water. It is the rushing sound of rubble tumbling down this hill. Oh no.

As you see four humanoids start to slide down this hill towards you. I need everybody to roll for initiative. Roll for initiative. Here we go. Oh, humanoids. That's right. Anyone over 20? 20 to 20, 20 to 15.

16. 18. Let's go! Brother Grimm. Okay. Slaughter. That's awesome. That's your new name. The Brother Grimm. Brother Grimm. Okay. Slaughter. That's awesome. That's your new name!

I like that. The Brother Grimm. Brother Grimm is fucking cool. Let me also, real quick, hang on for a while. That's for these guys. That's good. Brother Grimm. Thanks. I'm worried about you. We're not all siblings, right?

Just in case you knew. Okay. You said you were a 13? 16. 16. Thank you. Okay, 15 to 10? 11. Okay.

Okay. 10 to five? Nine. That's everybody, right? No. Oh, growl knock. Oh, buddy! Growl knock. No.

Bringing up the rears. Oh, wait. I lied. Oh, it doesn't change much. It's hurtful. Okay. You put that. Slaughter, you are going first as you see four humanoid people clearly ragtag, just looking sellswords,

but these are pretty beefy dudes, are more or less gliding, surfing down the edge of this hill. Cool. And they're coming straight towards you. You go first. Are they clumped together? They're spread out.

You see three of them are more or less You go first. Are they clumped together? They're spread out. You see three of them are more or less leading the charge in front, and then one of them who was the one who shouted now is following up the rears. Are any of the four within 10 feet of each other? They will be shortly. Oh, within 10 feet of each other?

Yeah, next to each other. Yes, I would say the three in front all are. And how far about are they from me right now? At this point, I mean, they're quickly coming within range to you, so. Well, whenever they get in range, even if I have to hold the action to do so, I'm going to cast a spell

learned from my forefathers. Massacre and felony, my mom and dad. You threw that lower drop. I'm going to spend two stanimas and I'm going to cast Trapping Webs. At them, which it's a 10-foot wide net of webbing that I hope will catch at least two of them as they run down into it.

They have to make a dexterity DC saving throw or get grappled by it. Okay. You see an Orsimar and then two Nords that are leading the charge. I know what those are. You're just trying to use your best judgment. DC, what saving throw?

14. Strength, you said? Dex. Dex. DC, what saving throw? 14! Strength, you said? Dex. Dex. Okay, all right. Straight rolls. Mm. Okay.

Trying to go for the two that are coming at you directly in front of you. One of them does save for it, but you do hit the orcimar. All right. What is an orcimar? It's what an orc has to have. Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean no offense. I, I, okay. So they are grappled for the rest of this turn. Okay. And then at the beginning of my next turn, the net's going to explode. Okay, amazing. So as you see these guys,

and they look really cool coming down this mountain, and then you web and snare this half-orc, and he just just ass over teeth kettle. Nice. Starts rolling down the hill, fully grappling. Nice. That's good. I could use a bonus action.

Nah. No, I'm good. That's it. To Vima. Am I pinned next to Mallory? I'd say you're about 10 feet apart. I want to prioritize getting the two of us unstuck. Okay. So what do I do? Yeah, I should have done that. Sorry.

That's okay. You stuck a new person, that's great. The way that Boulder hit, you brace knowing that the impact was coming. Your left leg is a little bit caught. You still have use of your upper body, but your legs down are a bit stuck. So whatever you would like to do, figure it out. Yeah, I think I'm going to try to pry my shield in

to give myself enough room to get free and loose and then try to spend the rest of my time getting Mallory pried out. Okay, make a strength check. Sweet. Was that an athletics check, you say? Yeah, that worked. It's strength-based.

It's strength-based, 21.. It's strength-based, 21. Oh, great, yeah, no problem. You with a topple over, you were able to use that leverage to move the boulder without him. I want to push him out and away from the rebel. Okay. And then if we're still stuck in that area,

then I'm just going to throw up a bonus action shield wall just to brace for whatever's coming. As I watch the one dude roll up, I'm like, You suck! Perfect. That's me. Yeah, you're able to get yourself free. Mallory is, they're two different boulders, so Mallory is still a little bit caught,

but you are there bracing, guarding against him. Okay. And then it is their turn. So the orcimar, he's, oh, he has to make a strength check to get out of her corner. On my turn? What does he have to do to break from your web? On their turn, they may make

a DC 16 strength check to escape. Okay. He succeeds with a natural 18. So you see this orc roll down the end of the hill and just, just rips the shirt open and it's hot. Damn you. Just the web is out of it.

It did use his turn. Aw, that sucks. And he. That was both. Ugh. Mm. And he's just using. Ah, mm. And he's just using the rest of his movement to stand up. The other two, the first one is going to go after you,

and he's just going to come at you with a scimitar attack. Love that. And he rolled a natural one. Oh, buddy. So full-on just hits your shield, no effect. The second one is going to go after Grelnok. No! That, I believe, hits with a 20 total.

Ooh. Okay. Yeah. Ugh, and he rolled a one for damage! So you take three slashing damage. He's caught a little bit off guard by this whole situation, distracted by his friends, so he shears your side a little bit. And then in the back, the one who's still perched,

he's found this ledge, this kind of, what is it, like footholds, and pulls out a crossbow. Nope. Nope. He pulls out a crossbow. Nope. Nope. He pulls out two daggers. Yeah! Yeah! And he's going to go for the two casters in the back

to Hwa and Slaughtergrim. Oh my gosh. That is a natural one to the one for Hwa, but to the one for Grimm, that is 21 to hit. Hits, but I will use my reaction to cast a Bone Shield on myself. Nice! Shielded by the power of my bone.

All right, all right. What does that do? It adds 2d6 temporary HP. That stands for hit points to me. Wow. What does that do? It adds 2d6 temporary HP. That stands for hit points to me. Wow. What does that look like, Fiv? You must play RPGs, like Elder Scrolls Online. Elder Scrolls Online is a fine game, available for the first time everywhere.

No. She said that at some point. I don't know why it was in the, I don't know. I read what was on the paper. They just started selling Elder Scrolls online. Okay, so you're taking those temporary hit points. Which I got 11 temporary hit points. Nice. So bring it.

It does. Okay, you take eight damage. Doesn't do shit. It ricochets off of your bone shield, the dagger getting wedged in your bone. In your bone. You up? Mallory, you are up. Ugh.

While you're on deck. So the layout right now, are any of these guys in a clump right now? Are any of these guys standing next to each other? There are the two Nords who have successfully come down the mountain that are a little bit more clumped together, I'd say, within 10 feet of each other.

All right, I know I'm still kind of stuck here. You are. But I'm going to use my action to just, because I'm kind of okay now, because I got a little out of the way. You've got cover from Tavima protecting you. But you are still pinned, so you can't move. I'm going to use the lightning splash

on the two that are stuck right there. Okay. I think, how many? We got our magicka back, right, or no? Yeah, we got everything back. Yeah, we did, okay. So I'm also going to use a power surge with that as well. So let's hit both of them. They've got a DC 14 dexterity saving throw.

Okay. For the first one, he fails. For the second one, passes. So you do hit the far one. So this'll be fun. Where's my, I should've thought that through. Here we go. So that one takes, come on.

16 points of lightning damage. Oh my god. As quickly as he got there, you just see lightning pierce through him and splits open the front of his chest, and he is dead. Hey! Instantly arrive.

The other Nord that was standing next to him just goes, They've got magic! Uh-oh. Yeah. Who's he yelling at? Uh-oh. Where. Who's the Elenet? Uh-oh. Where did that came from? Wow, you're up, Grelnok. Oh, me!

How far away is the enemy that's at the top of the slope still? I'd say about 30 feet. Okay, well, that's a little bit longer. I cast Swarm, so it ranges 60 feet on that. Okay. A bunch of Fesher flies come out of my hands. More fly magic, I guess is 60 feet on that. Okay. A bunch of Feshur Flies come out of my hands. More fly magic, I guess, I don't know.

And they will go up to them, and they have to make a DC 14 con saving throw, please. Okay. Natural one. Cass, you roll like a six. Does it do double damage? I do! You've poisoned me! Does it do double damage or no? Because it's crit fail or not how it work?

How it work? It's only the crit. It's only critical success where you get to double your dice. Okay, well, I tried my best. So that is still 4d6. Oh my god. That's still real good. Six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 damage.

Amazing, that is. They spit out fire. It's fire damage. Oh! So you hear from deep echoing in this cavern, as this guy starts to be ignited from up. Are we the bad guys? We were exploring in peace.

Bandits. And Grelnok. Well, we came into their house. I'm going to run. This is not their house. I'm going to run forward to the fellow orc. Okay. Who tripped down, and I'm going to warm up my hands and swing my axe

and try to slam him into the big boulder that Tavima's pinned under. Okay, he's just standing up and he goes, Go, Grelnok, I love you! You're real pretty. All right, roll for attack. I'm vaguely pinned like, what? Hey, who has overcome? 10 to hit.

Miss. I just swing and hit the rock. Instead. Nice. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Ow, bonus actions. Use my Claw to rake him instead. Amazing. So he's being cute with you, and he's like, nice try, cutie.

God. Try and hit it. Yeah. Roll again. Come on, please. No! No! Why? This, this, this.

You treated me well for a second, Dice, but you're out! Is this guy on the ground? He stood up. He broke from his grapple and then stood up as his move. So yeah, he's just being a douchebag and no, I stride, cutie. Oh, gross. Disgusting. I did.

I'm going to kill him. Slaughter, you're up. Oh, okay. Lay of the land. One's dead. There's an orc. That's the one you were trying to get. Yeah. One's on fire. The orc, the one's on fire,

sort of 30 feet away from us, and then there's another who hasn't been touched. And then you have another Nord who hasn't been touched, yes. Okay, just a point of order. The one who escaped from my netting, my webbing, I still believe that the webbing explodes. Oh, right! Whether they're in it or not. How far away did they get from it?

He just ripped it apart and then stood up. So yeah, go ahead and raid. So as he's kissy facing me, it explodes on him? Yeah, roll for damage. Like a loony tune. I love it. Explodes on you, too. That's fine. It's worth it. So it explodes and causes 2d10 poison damage.

Let's go! 2d10? Yeah, no. That's a 10. Oh! And a three. Ooh, so 13 damage. Do you want to save at all? I don't know, how's it work? It just happens.

So as this guy is being super gross and making kissing noises, Ooh! almost like a fuse, the web from the outside starts to dissipate and just turns into this poison mist that just sucks right into, in between you guys. So yeah, take 13 points of damage,

but this orcimer starts coughing and starts hacking up blood as he looks up and he looks at you. Cuckoo! Oh, nice! Falls over, collapses dead. Amazing! Great. You're open.

Sorry about that. And then for my action, I will rip my second of, we'll say, three skulls off, light it up. Come on, buddy. And I'll toss it up to the one that's already on fire. Yeah!

Let's see what happens. Four. Why? It was never hit. Just. And it just rolls back down to your feet. I'm going to try the to understand throw next time. Enough of like, skee-ball.

It's that final mini-golf. Yes, skee-ball! It's that final mini-golf ramp, and you keep hitting it, and it just comes right back to you. Just rolls all the way back to your feet. All the way back. To be fair, it was a four plus six, so 10.

Still, I am assuming misses. Okay. Misses. Tavima, you are up, unless you have anything else you want to do? No, I mean, is anyone still pinned under rocks? I'm a little pinned. He's still pinned, yes. I'll go over, I can't really do anything else, but I'll just go over. He is pinned.

I'll go over and be like, ah, well, next turn, I'm coming for you. Amazing. That'll do it. All right, that was your move? Yep. Okay. Okay, so Ork is down, Nord is down. There's one Nord left. One Nord that's snitched Nord. There's a snitch, there's more. Yes. And nord left. One nord that's up. There's a snitch nord

that was like, there's more. Yes. And then there's another one that's up high. Up in the hill. Cool. We'll take out the snitch first. Okay. Backlash, please make a DC 15 con save. I will do that. Backlash. And passes.

Not a problem, it's all good. I'm sorry, I feel bad. Do not apologize. Okay, I just want you to murder him. Okay, then Sunfire. I'm like, left hand. And we'll try the attack one, and I got a natural 20.

Ooh! Light him up, double dice. You get the devils. Hell yeah. One, two, three. What's a d8 look like? I've never known in my life. Double pyramid.

Seven, 13, 16, doubled to 32. And there's no one else around. It was just one guy by himself, right? Yes, how big is the effect? Oh, it would be another d6 of fire damage to any other enemy within a five-foot range. Nah. Nah, it's okay. All right, so 32 points of fire damage.

Oh my god. No snitching. He just goes, and as he starts to scream, he can't even finish it as the flame just pierces his throat and starts gorging inside of his body and smoke and flame erupt out of his mouth and out of all of his orifices,

and he is instantly dead. Just a pile of ash. Duh. I want to spend my full movement to sprint over to him and try to get that skull before it goes down. I'm like, high five, new skull for brother. And yeah, you do. Gotcha.

I'll take it. It's a little charred, but yeah. It's still good, it's still good. I'll just hold it with my two corn holders. Got it. Thank you. Okay, he is dead. And then from the top of the, are you done with your turn?

Totally done. Thank you. You hear the man still at the top and he goes, Not getting paid enough for this! And he begins to slide down the hill himself as once again, yeah, as he slides down the hill, he takes out another dagger, seeing what you just did, Vima,

throws it as he's sliding down the hill for his first attack. Where's a d20? 16 to hit? Misses. Ha ha. Dagger flies wide, and he launches off of the base of the hill.

And I think who was sort of close? You know what? You're still pinned, so he's going to see you as an easy target. As he flies, he's going to draw a scimitar from his back and come down with a flying stabbing. Does he go past me to get to? Well, you were back a little. Oh, but you didn't move forward.

No, I move forward to get the skull from the fresh guy. I'd say you're each within five feet of each other. You're right there. I just wanted to see if I could get an opportunity attack as he tries to go back to hit Mallory. I'd say he's still, yeah, he's within, you are now within range with him, but he is also just entering your melee range.

Okay, okay, okay. And he's going to come down with an attack. 16 to hit. That hits. Same thing. Okay. And then. Oh, I have a break. One picks on the cook. Yeah. Oh god, terrible rolls.

Seven damage. Oh. Good? I think I hear that. And he just three points lands with his scimitar, just right into your other shoulder. You already got one shoulder fucked from the gwar. He goes for the other one.

And then he just- Why do you always get squished, Mallory? It's true. It does happen a lot to you. Yeah. It's been a bad day. It's been a very bad day. He tilts his hat up and he just makes eye contact with you,

still holding onto the base of a scimitar, and he looks pissed. You're not going to get paid enough to die here. Make a persuasion check. You're not going to get paid enough to die here. Make a persuasion check. Ooh. You're good at these. Five. Is it five? Is it five?

At least I'll die with honor. Oh. You'll be dead regardless. Yeah. He's not smirking. Yeah. He just smirks like, I got it. Yeah. Mallory, you're up.

I think about hitting him with a stick. I'm like, no, I'm just going to put out my hand. Force shock. Okay. Go! Shock. Roll to attack. That's actually a save. Or is that one I get to save for? It's a constitution save.

Okay. Like on the ground, just a. 14? DC is 14. So that saves. That saves. That's okay, you still take... Still takes six force damage. Okay.

So, and as a bonus action, I'm just going to give myself some hit points as well. So I'm going to heal. Okay. Oh, you bastard. You're on deck? You're on for eight points. So yeah, I'm good. Okay, well, you're up. I don't appreciate all of this violence against my friends,

and I just pull out my giant ass eye staff and I go to hit with a melee attack. All righty. And I use my bonus action to enhance it. Okay. Holy crap, that's a 18, 19, 20, 21 to hit. For sure hits. Okey-dokey. For sure.

Damage is one d8 plus the one d10. You did good. That's a three and a seven. 10 damage. Okay. Nice. He gets hit and his eye starts to crawl up of his arm. The one that he has locked into Mallory starts to creep up the one he's holding.

He and I stare in his eyes and say, Chill out. Oh boy. He just goes, wow. Oh boy. Really? I mean, it's hot outside, so if I'm actually doing you a favor, you out. Oh boy. He just goes, wow. Oh boy. Really? I mean, it's hot outside, so if I'm actually doing you a favor, you're going to die. It's so hot outside.

Shut up! Okay, is that your turn, Hual? Yeah, it's my turn. Grelnok, you're up. Hmm. I'm going to go up with my axe and try to hit him. Do it, you got this. I believe in you.

But with flair. Vindication. Fucking one! No way! Lies! Get new kids! I'm going to try to... I thought it was cool! I'm trying! Wait, do I have enough stamina?

I don't! Oh no! I thought I didn't have enough! Okay, hold on. Let me see what else I can do. Nothing! I'm going to... I'm going to bonus action hardened armor

right next to him. Just hit me! Hit me! I hate that. He is acting like he's going to take it. Flauter, you're up. Oh, is this the only one left? Yes.

Okay, I will use my turn. She seems to want. Wait, oh, oh, wait. Was he, was I flanking? I would say yes, that Tavima would be on one side of him and he would be playing on the other. In role advantage!

I want to see this happen. Another one. Oh wait, no, no, no, that's got to wait. 12? No! No! Hit me! Okay! Sorry, it's your turn.

It's my turn? It's your turn. All right, I'm going to spend my turn saying, there's only one way to get out of this for you. That's by hitting her. That's it. It's just like. You got to hit her. Is this a fetish thing?

Yes! She's into it. Whoa! Tavima, you're up. He's so confused. Are we doing this? Do you need to? She needs it.

No, let him, no! No. Hit him. No, it's all you, baby girl. Can you just stand around and screaming at him? I would like to try to grapple this guy. You don't have the guts to hit her. No, it's all you, baby girl. You just stand around and screaming at him. I would like to try to grapple this guy. You don't have the guts to hit her. Okay, yeah.

Make, that's a... Opposed strength. Opposed strength, yes. Okay. Cool. Ooh, natural one for him. I rolled a natural two, and I can't believe that worked. Yes! This is just the saddest thing to watch.

So he's just like, looking around, he's really confused of what to make with it. I want to grab him by, I whip around and grab him across his neck, but behind him, just to hoist him up and pull his body up and away so he's exposed and can't really deal with anything.

Okay, he starts clawing at your arm that's grappling him, just. I squeeze just a little bit. I just want to hear a little pop before I stop, and then just finish him. You got this, I believe in you. Okay. And I just hold. It is his turn.

He's going to try and break from his grapple, which, how does he do that? What do I roll? I think it's just another strength check. It's just kidding, I don't know. There we go. He rolled a three. 24.

Oh my god! All right, he's finally turning. No, he's like, and you can start to see his eyes dilate a little bit, where it's almost like you're putting a sleeper hold on him. And I want to just whisper, since we have this weird, our heads are close to each other, and go, you're going to die to a bartender.

Fuck you! Mallory, you're up. Let him hit me. I'm just going to push the rock away so that I can. Okay, make a strength or an athletics check. Whatever's highest. This is not great. This is just, hey, there's a roll. That's a 17.

Okay, yeah, no problem. With just a little bit, you kind of, what do you have, a sword? What do you use? I have a stick. You have a stick, all right, great. What's your sword? You wedge your stick under

and you just full-on use it like a lever and just push against it and it rolls off. All right, and then I'm going to use my bonus action to key up my staff just in case we need to. I'm just getting a nice, clean, like a golf swing. Okay, you're winding up? I'm just readying my golf swing. Great.

Hwa. I lock eyes with Grelnok. I also believe in you. And I'm also flanking. Grelnok. We are here to help you grow as a person and become better friends. This is somehow much lamer than I thought it would be.

Grelnok, it's your turn. Pathetic. What if I miss him? This is going to be great. I gain advantage because you are flanking and he is grappling. Dear... Like double advantage? Snake eye. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay. That's a 20 to hit. It definitely hits. Okay. This is a lot more than a one. Here we go. Oh god! That's 16 points of slashing damage.

Whoa! Grelnok, how do you want to do this? Yeah! Final shot! Like whacking a piñata. Swing the axe really pathetically because I'm surrounded by everyone. Yeah, it's close quarters. Bunt the axe into his stomach

as a single tear falls down out of my eye. The back end of your handle of your axe hits the boulder that was just on Mallory, and it prevents you from getting a full swing, but it's just enough. You hit him just right in this exposed spleen shot, right there, and it just lands right under his rib cage. Yeah.

And already having a hard time being grappled by Tavita, he just. And the light just goes out in his eyes and he goes limp. Thanks, guys. Oh, that was crazy! So good! Oh, you did it!

Yeah, yeah. Yeah! Did you get it? It was so, whoa! Sounds like a freak! Just got to get the blade wet a little bit and then it picks up. I'm going to leave the blood on the axe this time. I'm not going to clean it.

So much blood! Yeah! So good! Do you want this skull? Ooh! Ooh, a twist off. Did you just snap on it? I mean, to the rest of its body? I just twisted it off to the right.

Oh, wow. That was genuinely cool. That's amazing, yes, I'll take it. I guess I should, I mean, it's a whole new direction. I was hoping to close it. I didn't know you could open it. Yeah, there we go. Lefty Lucy. I'm going to start shucking it, I guess.

I just need the skull. I don't need the hair or the skin or anything. Oh boy, we're going there. With your old questionable victory, we're going to take a break. Oh! We need to rifle through some pockets. We will be back very shortly to rifle

through some pockets. See you soon. Thank you for listening to this special one-shot inspired by the Elder Scrolls Online Blackwood, sponsored by our friends at Bethesda and Zenimax Online Studios. If you like what you're hearing, please consider leaving us a review on whatever podcasting app you're using. Your review helps support the show and bring new listeners into

the fold. Okay, let's get back to the action. Welcome back. You all are still inside the stone cabin, four corpses at your feet. What do you do? Loot the bodies. All right. I'm going to not loot the body. I'm going to go around the area to see if there's any things in drawers or, you know. Okay. And also listen,

because he was definitely yelling to somebody. Oh yeah. Okay. You're looting, so investigation check, investigation check. I want to use my expert hunter ability to, I can sense any living creature within 120-foot cone. Just in case. Do you have to roll for that, or is that just me?

It just says, like, I just do it. Cool, yeah. It says I automatically do it. Works for me. Yeah. What do you got, Grawlnok? 14. 21. Oh.

15 to investigate. Can I loot? I want to do it. Sure, yeah. Ooh. 17. Wow to investigate. Can I loot? I want to go loot. Sure, yeah. Ooh. 17. Wow, we all did great. Great, great. The three of you, as you are looting through the bodies,

you find a handful of gold on some of the, what were definitely more of the followers, the one who was the team leader, Mallory, you start rooting in his pockets, and you find a pouch filled with what appears to be 500 gold. Oh! We're done!

Let's go! We're done! You don't know I found it. 500 gold! You're right. I'm kidding, of course. And wrapped around the pouch is a piece of parchment. An Elder Scroll?

We beat the game! Not one of those. I know, is that a thing that? It's a younger scroll. It's a middle-aged scroll. A juvie scroll. Adolescent scroll. Yeah, you find a letter.

All right, let's take a look. I'm going to unroll it. It says, Here's the agreed upon upfront payment. Remember, there is more where this came from upon confirmation of total dispatchment. And that's all it says. No signature. Dispatchment. And that's all it says. No signature.

Dispatchment of us? Dispatchment of Orm and Grandoth? Hmm. I wonder. I feel like this is not about us. Well, I don't know. Who could have known? We got sent here specifically by that fucker.

Maybe he sent, I forgot what voice I was doing, and now I remember. Welcome back. Maybe. I forgot what voice I was doing, and now I remember. Welcome back. Maybe. He hired people in those two hours to come and kill us. You think, my, meh. You think Devon, Devon, or Devan? Devon.

Hired someone to kill us? To what end? Why? But maybe he wants the bar. Why wouldn't he have just hired the soldiers that were in there? It's a great bar. It is a great bar. I thought it was actually quite decrepit,

and that was the whole reason we're out here, because it's falling apart. But it's got good bones. It does, and the bones are crumbling. You're right, it doesn't have good bones. It has the character. It has osteoporosis, and that's why we're here. And this secret chamber in the back

that we don't really ever talk about. Maybe they were here for Ormen. Slaughter, you find, I'm going around the other room next. Yeah, you pull open a drawer and you find an old ledger that's got orders and business papers, very detailed contracts, things that...

Clearly these were business transactions. And they- About stonemasonry? Yes, all about stonemasonry. All labeled to Oram and Granoth, but it appears to be about seven years old. Oh. What? Nothing new. I found an Elder Ledger. But it runs out seven years ago.

I'll rifle around and just look for any signs of anything newer than seven years ago. You find a little bit of trash, some old broken bottles, maybe some squatters that have found this place, but have since moved on. Some old satchels that are crumpled up in the corner, about far long empty.

This seems pretty ransacked, aside from a few faded papers with charcoal scratchings across them. Older papers? Yes. Seven years! Devon must have definitely known that this guy wasn't here anymore. What? Maybe he sent us the...

How could he have known those Marauders were up hiding in this cavern, though, the whole time? He sent them. Unless they could have, do you think they raced us here from the bar? Hmm. He could have paid them yesterday or a week ago and said, I'm going to be sending these folks your way.

Or maybe they used to work. Lay and wait for them. Yes. Maybe Diven, what the fuck is his name? I don't know. Diven, what did Matt say it was? Devon? Devon? Devon? Devon.

Diven? Diven? Maybe Diven. Diven. It's got an accent. Maybe Diven, does that sound right? Maybe he was one of the cultists and he's getting even with us. The cultists that we discovered in our last adventure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, forever ago. Yeah, we're still wearing their jackets. I know, they're all green now. Yeah. All green. Why don't we? Why don't we just go deeper into the cabin and then we'll find out more? I'm okay with that if everybody else is.

We have enough to pay our fee, but there is a deeper mystery here. We have to find out what happened to Orm and. We don't, we could find another main. We have to find out what happened to Ormen. We don't. We could find another maes. We have to! Okay, okay. Sorry, refresh my memory. Did, everything's old and dusty, but did it look like there? Elder.

It is an elder cabin. Yes. But is there signs of an elder struggle that maybe Ormen perished in? No signs of an elder struggle that maybe Oramun perished in? No signs of struggle, no. The most recent thing that you found was when Grelnok found those footprints that, upon closer inspection, do match the boots of these sellswords, yeah.

So do we think Oramun was here maybe looking for something and then vanished when he found whatever it was? Maybe he fell into a hole. Yeah, probably. Well, I mean, with the evidence of the big cabin behind us, perhaps he did discover something

and went in to find it and never came out. I'm going to run back outside really quick just to go grab that pickaxe. Sure. This feels like a stone adventure, and maybe this will help. Yeah. Worth a thought. Okay.

You grab the pickaxe. Do I sense any living beings or creatures within 120 feet? Your vision extends. You can hear birds, little chipmunks in the nearby forest edge. No humanoids. That's the sound of chipmunks. Yep.

Really relaxed chipmunks here, but nothing else that I can sense. ASMR chipmunks. But no, no signs of life. This place is pretty remote. You kind of have to know that this cabin is here, it seems. Cabin seems safe to me. I can't hear anything bad.

For now, let's try. Yeah, let's give it a try. Okay. Everyone give me, unless there's any other way you want to try and Yeah. Okay. Everyone give me, unless there's any other way you want to try and get up this slope, give me an acrobatics check. Ooh. This is how we do it. We do have a rope.

We do have Mallory's rope. I do have a rope. So if one of us can get up, that's more darty than the rest. Acrobatics? Is anybody darty? Acrobatics. Okay. I'm feeling pretty good. All right, here, have a rope. I'm not particularly dirty, oof.

I mean, I'm doing fine by myself. What do you got, Slaughter? 17. Okay. Natural 20. Ooh! Dirty 20. Dirty 20? Oh, um... Seven.

All right. Me too! Yay! So, Quan, Grelnok, you're like, let's do this, and you start trying to make your way up the slope, and then your foot just falls out from under you as rock and rubble and these tiny micro pebbles start to just erode out from under, yes,

around under your feet, and you just slowly keep, it's a war of attrition. You take one step forward and two steps back. The three of you, however, especially Mallory, you can look and you can see these outcroppings of little rock that are protruding out of the stone and you can. Like skiing up hills.

Yeah, you bounce back and forth and you do manage to make progress with the two of you following closely behind. Sometimes some rubble and rock kicks out from under you. It unfortunately comes tumbling right back down into your all's eyes and face and you have to dodge some kicked out rocks. I'm going to toss down the rope.

Oh, excellent, thank you. Rope, rope, rope, whale knock, rope. I'll go behind you, so if you fall, I can catch you. Oh, you're saving me, excellent. You have darkvision, right? Yep. You look up further into this tunnel, and it is just pure darkness, just falling off to black. Do you keep going?

I mean, yeah. I mean, how many of us are together at this point? The three of us up with you? You're a little bit higher. The two of them are maybe five feet below you as the three of you are perched, wedged up in the back of this tunnel. I'll wait for everybody, but keeping an eye out,

keeping an ear open. You toss out the rope. You all are able to, much easier, yeah, no checks needed. Okay, I'm wondering. Just scale the wall. You have to mime. Give me another acrobatic check. 16.

You start trying to look. The shadows are so dark, it's a little bit harder to find little grab holes and purchase. You go two little pounces up, and you start realizing that the ceiling of this cavern is starting to come to this pincer point. It's starting to come down on you,

and it's definitely still dark. You can't see much further, but the slope is starting to close. I'm going to take out the torch and chuck it forward for Mallory to catch. Are we bad-badass? Roll an acrobatics check. Yeah, roll. Are we pet badass? Roll an acrobatics check. Roll for catch. Yeah, roll for catch.

20. Okay, yeah. Pet badass? You grab it. That's the sound of catching something. Yeah. A little explosion? Yeah.

Yeah, a little cherry bomb erupts in your hand. Moving the shadows around, taking a look. So you move the shadows around. This comes to a close. Does not go any further. You do see, as you look, and the light starts glistening, you can see what looks like very small remnants

of silver ore veins that are crackling up through the roof and the ground of this cavern. But you can tell that it looks like whatever anyone was trying to get out of this, they felt like they reached a point where it wasn't worth their effort much more. Down below, before we hiked up this slope,

were there any other caverns that delved deeper into the darkness? No, not really. I'm going to, do I feel any air movement in here at all? No. Look at the torch. Does the flame flicker? Is the flame doing anything weird?

Ever by Tavima's breath, and as you exhale, you see a little bit of it flicker. You hold your breath for a minute. Nothing. Wow, shit. Head down a little further, see if there's any air movement in here at all. Okay.

Roll, give me one more check. Athletics? Athletics or acrobatics. Finally, it, well, hey, it could have been worse. 10. Okay. You crouch down the ceiling, getting closer and closer to you.

I was trying to go back down. Oh, you're trying to go back down. Yeah, you slide down. All right. You're fine. Just seeing if there's any. Oh, around the edges? It looks like there might've been a few little concave,

maybe what once was the start of a tunnel that was never pursued. Pretty empty and clear. Are there any rugs in his cabin? Rugs? You don't see any rugs. No, just the bare, exposed dirt floor. If there was once a rug, it is long gone. Can I do an arcana check for magic things?

Sure. Yeah. For us, maybe? 14. You do a pretty extensive arcana check. The only thing that you are sensing is the magical items and your cloaks that you were wearing. Two thoughts. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. I'm going to pull out that letter that we were looking at last time. Yeah. Does the handwriting match the handwriting on the notice on the door? What would this be? Well, the writing on the door. What would this be? Well, the writing on the door

was a more official ledger, but you have gotten plenty of, you've peeked over Devon's shoulder. Roll a, I don't know, history check? Roll for memory. Roll a history check. Speaking of Devin's handwriting, earlier when you were playing Devin,

you held up your Post-it and it was just a bunch of squiggles. It was real cute. Yeah, it was definitely a bunch of squiggles, yeah. I was so good at writing anything. It's a doctor, my god. I just wanted the noise of pencil. That's so good. Oh, real sunset. To paper. Yes.

19. Ooh. Let's go. There does seem to be a similarity. The serifs, the curls, the way that the eyes are dotted with hearts. It was him. And I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. We gave him pie.

I've just told him. Just a tiny bit of pie. How did you kill him? The only thing I can think to do other than this is... Go kill Devon? Well, that too, but where were those mercenaries hiding? I feel like they were, where were they hiding? They were tucked up here in this alcove. It's so dark in here, they crawled their way up here

and they camped for a bit. You can actually, you actually see where it looks like some cans were opened and a little bit of soot residue is tossed aside where it looks like they were maybe hanging out here for a little bit. A little bit of a urine smell in the corner. Yeah. I'm going to smell in the corner. Yeah.

I'm going to go really investigate that. Yeah, I mean, it smells like piss. Yeah. It's piss. Practically a compliment. What? What? Why the fuck would he want to kill us?

Why the fuck would he think that four marauders is going to take us down? Thank you. Maybe he wants- We're just restauranteurs. It's, he doesn't know any of it. Well, maybe he wants something in our just restauranteurs. He doesn't know any of the work. Well, maybe he wants something in our restaurant, like one of our magical items,

or maybe that big cultist lair we found behind the shed. Oh no. Or the restaurant itself. It's a cash cow. Hmm. That seems generous. I mean, we're breaking even, let's be honest. I think it's a labor of love.

I agree. We get paid in friendship, community, and family. And sometimes tips, but not all the time, apparently. Labor of like, really, more, but it's fair. Do you feel like we go back and kill him, then? Yeah, we should go back quickly. Well, we'll interrogate, then kill.

All right. We should hurry. I can imagine if he thought we were going to leave and then die here, he probably moved right in already. How will we find him? If he doesn't actually work for the Valenwood authorities, then how will we? He might be gone.

He might've gotten whatever he wanted from our place and vanished. We run back. All right. Run through the woods. I would like to mind meld with my old horse. Oh, can you see through him like Beastmaster? I can morgue into the old horse.

If you can do that, I can do it with my birds, too. Wait, can you do this? Is that a real thing? That would be amazing, though. I was just asking. I was like, this is going to be dope. You can. Let me check the nest cam real quick.

Yeah. The neigh. Herb. Yeah, it's not a neigh cam. The neigh cam. We've heard of a nest cam. Nope, we need a nest cam. Okay.

Do we want to send birds back? No, I can't. I would say, let's be quiet when we approach the restaurant, maybe. Just see what's up. Maybe we'll catch him in the act. Yeah. It must be getting late now, right?

It took us a few hours to get up here. We left around 1 or noon or something, right? Yes, by the time we got here, it was around 2, 2.30. We've been here for a little bit, so. Get home before dark. Yeah. It's summer. Stay as light out till like 8 o'clock.

We'll be fine. Not entirely wrong, she's not wrong. With this newfound discovery and new impetus behind you, you, following the path that you came across, already knowing what's out there and what's in there, in the forest, make haste. Let me just get a general survival check from everybody

as you move swiftly but stealthily through the wood. Uh-oh. Six, okay. 18. Okay. Nine. Okay. Eight. 22 to bring us home.

Whoa! I mean, you and Vajas, we care. I like a good hike. I'll say. Definitely, we're falling back because I am, like, I am, I got to help my brother out and just stay back. Okay. We're tripping in the darkness while I give them a little clearance.

Yeah, and as you start to go into the forest and there is that point where the sun is starting to drop below the treeline and it does get even darker, even within the forest canopy. So it is a little bit harder to see and stay oriented to where you're going. So it does take you a little bit longer as it is starting to get darker.

Also, as you hear movement in the forest, there are moments where you pause, wait. I'd say it takes you about two, two and a half hours to get back home at this rate through the forest. You emerge on the opposite side and start making your way to the tavern. As you keep moving, the sun cresting below the horizon.

It is getting darker, but not cooler. The heat and the moisture in the air is just holding that summer air. You're now sticky and sweaty from moving through this forest, still warm. You can feel your lungs trying to pump a little bit harder as you are a little bit worn out and tired from moving through this journey.

But. Ordinarily, my quills help cool me, but because of the molting that is canonically associated with my character type, they fell out. You rush back to the tavern. As you return, the tavern getting larger in your sights, posted out front on either side

of the Grelnok Skull Tavern, you see two humanoids in red cloaks flanking the front door. What? What? Both of them standing erect and at attention. One holding a flame in his right hand, the other in his left, flanked on either side of the door.

Like flame is coming out of their hand? Just holding a little pocket of fire. Okay. Just controlling. Do they have red above their heads? Do we know if they're bad guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got a health bar.

Yeah. Yeah, if you have the patch. Uh-huh. They're standing there, and you can just see their heads scanning the horizon, standing guard. What's that mean? Should we go stealthy? I think we should. Should we? Before we go in, I want to use my Rune Focus ability

to give myself some hit points back, and the next attack on me will have disadvantage. Okay. What's our play here? I could set a trap so that when they cross to come over here, they'll get hit with the bugs with the teeth. Oh, that's nice. But we'd have to lure them over.

What if I call them? Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Might they not leave their post? I mean, if anyone's excellent in mimicry, we could perhaps try to pretend to be Devon and call them over. What if we... Not me, though. If anyone's excellent in mimicry, we could perhaps try to pretend to be Devon, call them over. Not me, though. I mean, your accent is closest.

It's pretty close. I could try. I could certainly try. You've got that nice baritone that Devon had. Yeah, that Devon had. Devon had. You won't, I mean, if you're mimicking him, you won't have to say your own name, probably.

That's true. You wouldn't say like, hey, it's me. It's me. It's me? Yeah. It's me? My god. Set the trap. Okay, okay. I scoot out a little bit forward

and set the barb trap down. Should any of us, just throwing this out there, should any of us go around the back to have a second entry point or? I'd like that. Or to see if in the, do we have windows back there? Maybe we should just go back and we shouldn't even bother with these guys in the front.

I don't know. It looks like their guards, they will alert if they hear or see anything. So if you can, if we can kill them quickly. Sorry, I'm very into just the murder part of this now. I am done negotiating. Just get them away from the door. Kill them quietly.

Super quietly. We have to do it quietly. That's the part. That's dangerous here. Mm-hmm. We could do it. So you're going to shout something like, hey, come over here, gents. Hey, gents, you want to talk to me?

It's Devon. Don't say your own name, that's very weird. We could just throw a rock. Should someone else say it? Should one of us be like, oh no, more taxes to pay. Devin, you're the worst. No, but Devin's obviously a cultist.

Oh, you're right. He doesn't do taxes. Okay, let's just sneak around the back. We're abandoning this altogether? We're putting it aside. We may come back to it. Okay. Trap's out, though.

I did spend the stamina on that. Oh, you did? No, no, that's fine. They'll come here. Someone will come back to it. Okay. Traps out, though. I did spend the stamina on that. Oh, you did? No, no, that's fine. They'll come here. Someone will come here to slay me. What if it's just Marty from down the street? Well, that could be it. I could probably deactivate it. Poor Marty.

No, no, leave it, leave it. I leave it. Okay, and just for clarity, you placed it on the street in front of, like across this, where did you place this? Near the toy store. Where are we all standing looking at those guards? Like in a bush, probably.

Yeah, so Yrel's Tavern is on the north side of town where it does start to encroach into where the edge of the wood is. So it's not the busiest thoroughfare, but there are other businesses across the street from you. Okay, you know what I do? You guys have to leave it. I go back a little. I take the quill back from your ear.

Slaughter. And I make another note. So they can't see it, it just says, Hey, don't, just not open right now. Don't go this way, okay? Heart, and I just put it on the, you know, so they can't see it, just says, hey, don't, just not open right now, don't go this way, okay, heart, and they just put it right. Kind of in front of this alley that you guys are lurked in? So they can't see it from their side,

but from the other side, you'd be like, oh, I shouldn't go in here. All right. I feel like I would obey a lot more traffic laws, if that were. I am just okay with writing notes. Give me, Hua, give me a, give me a performance check, I guess,

just to see if people could even read this sign in the darkness. My handwriting is amazing. It's more like, you know. 15 plus 2, 17? Okay, yeah. So doing the best that you can, you kind of take a scrap paper and scribble, like, watch your step.

You fold it and increase it to make it seem like a safety cone around it. And I place one of my fletcher flies right on top. Oh, okay, yeah. Stay a little, buddy. We'll see, I guess. Hopefully someone sees it and is paying attention. I think it's a good idea.

Due diligence. Nothing wrong with setting random traps. We have to really remember that it's here, though, okay? When we're done with this. This may pay off later. Yeah. Yeah, probably. Unexpected way. In an interesting way.

Yeah. Hopefully. Let's go to the back then, I guess. Okay, are you guys all traveling together? Yeah. Stealthily. Stealthily. Okay, stealth checks from everybody. Here we go, here we go. It'd be fine, it'd be great.

Yep. Hey. Nat 20! Great, that'll balance whatever I get here. Does it balance? It's not a one. Oh, okay. Seven. Okay.

11. Okay. Seven. Okay. 11. Okay. Five. Nine. We can't be like this anymore. Everything. His after-level goes. He should just switch to the bard. No wonder we opened a restaurant. We're terrible at this.

We're not good at things. As you all decide to case the perimeter as a group. You hit a few puddles. There was a recent summer rain. You try, you think you're keeping a wide berth. You make your way around to the backside of, making your way to the backside of the tavern, where you see two more cultists stationed in the back,

two more figures in red cloaks, and another one stationed in front of the cavern. The shed? The shed that is chained off across. Are they within visual? Of each other? Yeah. Yes, the three of them around back can all see each other.

Is the horse alive? The horse is barely hanging on. It is hot and- But not because of anything they did to it. No, no, he's just old as fuck. Cool. And you guys haven't refilled his water trough in three days. No, that's not true!

That's not true! That's not true. If you're not, we'll definitely take care of that. Very forgetful, I may have forgotten. I keep water troughed. It's so humid, I figured it's not as important. It evaporated a little. Just breathe and you get the water in you. Most of their water content from just the air.

They've got gills. Yeah. Thank you. Reverse sweating. As you move aroundills. From the osmosis. For a sec, thank you. Reverse sweating. As you move around to the backside of this tavern. Thank you, that's all I wanted. Poor Slaughter and Hwa, just not really seeing these puddles splash,

and one of the cultists goes, Who goes there? Psst, hi. Eyes to the left. I yell, It's me. Hold on. It's me, Jeven. Roll a deception check.

Jeven. Hello. It's me, Jeven. They don't know his name. Groven. Hello. I'm just saying, Jeven. They don't know his name. Groovy. Okay. Yes. James Bond. It's not terrible, but I don't know if this is going to work.

This is a 13. They just go, What? Who? Who goes there? What? You've just alerted them a little bit more. Cool. The yellow meter is now hitting the red. It's almost the red exclamation point. What?! You've just alerted them a little bit more. Cool!

The yellow meter is now hitting the red. It's almost the red exclamation point. We all crouch and wait until the eye closes. The eye closes? You know it. So as you all crouch down. Skyrim thing? As you all crouch down,

and the cultist that is framed closest to you all turns to the others, like, I'm going to go check it out, and the cultist that is framed closest to you all turns to the others, like, I'm going to go check it out, and starts taking a few steps towards your direction, peering into the bushes. Should we run back to the trap? In about this time, you see a female Dremora in a deep indigo dress, flowing a bit tattered at the bottom,

with a red cloak draped over top. deep indigo dress, flowing a bit tattered at the bottom, with a red cloak draped over top. She busts out of the cellar that was once chained to the adventure that you had not too long ago. The lock is no longer there. As she storms out out furious in rage. It's gone.

The ambition is gone! The what is gone? The ambition. The cultist who is stationed in front of the cellar says, I'm sorry, Lieutenant. She turns, snaps her head in his direction in a fury. She just reaches out and grabs him by the throat. And in a split second,

his head bursts into an immolation of flame. Oh! You disappoint me. Let's go as a flaming corpse drops to the ground. Upset, she then storms into the tavern from the back door. Is the one still coming for us, or was that the guy? He was, no, that was not the guy. The one who was coming towards you,

now seeing his lieutenant come out, rushes back and stands back in attention towards the back door. Now seemingly distracted from what he just saw. One down. If we wait long enough. Shut them out again! I forget, do we have any windows on our tavern?

We must, right? It's a tavern. Yeah, there are a few towards the back, yes. Can we see into the tavern? How many people are in there? Make a perception check. 14? It's hard to make out. I think that's good.

We're like, yes. Yeah. It's hard to make out exactly how many figures are in there, but you do see a just like a stage show, just a few bodies moving around on the inside. And for a brief second, the window almost blacks out with what seems to be a much larger hulking figure that just passes by. But you can't fully make out what's going on.

Is this when it's okay to burn the tavern down? Because I am so scared of everything inside of that. Blandi is valid. Burn our tavern down? I was against it before, but it's full of bad guys now. I mean, we do have 500 gold now. We could buy a new tavern. Other than the foundation, it's got a lot of memories for me in there.

Make new memories. Valerie doesn't give a shit. No, I don't give a fuck. But it's got six good burners. It's got four good burners, let's be honest. I thought it was one, down to one, no? We could... I love burning things down. Teeth down. But I do just want to straight murder that.

Your window! That Dremora... We start... The thing is, is if we burn it, everything will be running out. And then we'll have to fight all of the things. Unless they're like... Well, I guess we've just seen

that they're not immune to fire because one of their heads just caught on fire. But she created the fire, so the guards aren't immune to fire, but she might be. Oh, hold on. And the big, hulky thing might be. I do fire magic all the time and I burn the shit out of myself all the time. That's true.

Does it mean you're immune? You have resistance, usually, yes. If they run out the front, if they run out the front, won't they hit my trap? That's good. I mean, it won't kill them, though, just to be fair. Why don't we, like, ferry them out the front? You't they hit my trap? That's good. I mean, it won't kill them though, just to be fair. Why don't we ferry them out the front? You also might see the note that says,

there's a trap here. No, no. It's from the back side. Uh-oh. It's from the other side. You only see, if you're an innocent, you'll see the sign. I just want to kill something right now. Right now, right? Can we just kill the guards?

Can we agree that what we're witnessing is they're using our tavern as a staging area to go delve into the tunnels that we excavated, right? Yeah. Let's grab one guy and we'll do it. So they might not even care about our tavern. Grelnok. Oh no. As you are continuing to peer into the window,

that you just have very limited range of what you can see as this conversation is happening, you see just a flash of red glow that subsides a bit again. They're doing something in there. They're doing something in there. We need to get in there and kill everything. Hold on.

Why don't we question one of these dummies? Question if they'll see us. There's windows. What if we kill one, question the other, figure out what's going on? I'll whip the other There's windows. What if we kill one, question the other, figure out what's going on? I'll whip the other one over here. Yeah.

Just, should we just try to call him over, and if it doesn't work, then we kill him? We could do the same thing, just be like, hey, it's still me. It's still over here. Should I pretend to be that lady instead? Let me know that she's inside. That'd be really weird.

Oh yeah, I suppose you're right. I didn't really think that through. Yeah. Maybe they don't even know who Devon is. Who's Devon? Oh, Devon, yeah. Diven. Diven. Diven.

That sounds right. Does not sound right. Doesn't sound right. We'll never really know. There's no way of knowing. All right, so we have four different plans. We're going to burn the house down, lure somebody over, send them into the trap.

Yeah. I guess just three. Okay. I got a weird idea. Okay. Okay, four. I'm going to. I think I can get them to leave their post. Okay. Oh yeah. I'm going to sneak over right into the other side of the shed. Yeah.

And just say, you two, come take a look at this. See what happens. Do it. This is perfect. Okay, and then what will we do when they walk away? Going to kill them both when they come over. Oh, come on. Walk them away from the door and then kill them. Okay. Keep one?

Leave one alive. Keep one? Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Just get him over here so we can kill him. But keep one. I'm going to. Mallory, what are you doing? I'm going to circle around and try and get a little closer to the house on the side of the shed so that they can't see me.

Make a stealth check. This'll go great. Uh-huh. Bless. 11. Shit. I got my hood up. I'm going to just... He's got his hood up, Marisa. In the dark, it might look like it's red.

Yeah, and his cape is gray, so it's dark. It's six o'clock. No, it's not. Crap. Crap. You just hear the one that was already a little suspicious go, I swear, I'm hearing something. This guy's not very good.

What is that? Is it that possum? I know we have a possum infestation. Both are possum. You two, over here! Say, come take a look at this. Take a look at this! They whistle up. Fuck.

They say, eyes on the back. Should have made a possum noise. This one, huh? There's something there. And someone roll a perception check. Oh, I'm not in the place to see it, anyway. Who's rolling?

I 24. Oh! Yes! While you are the only one who can see it, and only because of that roll, they say, eyes over here, and you do look up, and you train your eyes upwards to the roof, and all you can see, you can't see a body,

but you can see just the tip and the cross section of a crossbow. Kind of peek over the apex of the roof of your tavern. Okay, there's like a sniper up top with a crossbow, so just stay down. This is not good. Very bad, this is very bad. I want to go try to climb to the roof.

Yeah, are you good at climbing? Okay. But they're already coming over here. They don't seem like they're moving, are they? Are they coming over? They're on high alert. Okay. They've been... What does it take to get these fuckers to walk over here? We just are going to have to kill them.

First of all. I'm going to, while we're standing back here, I'm going to harden armor myself. Okay. I'm climbing. I'm going up the ridge. Make a stealth check. Oh no. Yes.

Dirty 20. All right, yeah. You know this tavern. I use my little pickaxe. You use your little pickaxe. You use your little pickaxe. You, of all people, have been stationed on the outside of this tavern more than anyone else in this crew. You've been doing perimeters.

You are the bouncer. So you know that there's a brick on this side that's protruding a little bit more out of the foundation and this ledge from the windowsill. And with nice ease, you start to slowly crawl your way up. Give me an athletics check, since I know that's your jam. Thank you. At 17.

Great. You climb the roof. What do I see? With your stealth check, keeping that in mind, you see two cultists. Oh, two! With crossbow bolts. Crossbow bolts that are peering over

the pitch of the roof. And they very much are focused towards the backside, towards where Mallory shouted. They're looking in that direction. So you are perfectly on their profile, not 100% out of their peripheral vision, but you haven't been seen yet. How close together are they?

I'd say they're perched on opposite side of the roof, so I'd say 15 feet apart. All right. I'm going to take, like, two small copper coins out of my pocket. Okay. And drop them off the roof one after another, as close to, like, Grelnok, because I know she was, like, watching me go up. Okay. Just to give her, like, quiet notice that there's two people up here.

Brilliant. Good. And then I'm going to... Ting, ting. people up here. Brilliant. Good. And then I'm going to... I'm going to prep to attack the guy on the ground by the door with my magic whip as soon as you do anything up there. Okay.

So you guys have this perfect, kind of you're both on the east-facing side of the building. You're up top with Grelnok at the bottom, kind of both with two guards in your sight. So to the guard that's closest to where I came up and around, I want to sneak over, and my goal is just to try to tug him off the roof and drop him for my friend.

Amazing. We want to do a murder. Yes. Man, what type of rule is this? Just give me one more stealth check to see if he notices. Please, please be good. 12?

I'd say that's fine. Now give me a strength check. Yes. Is it athletics? Yeah, yeah. Oh no, that looks about seven. No! As you're right slowly within range,

and moments before you're about to reach out and grab him, your foot slips on the shingle just a little bit. God, our fucking tavern sucks. It sucks! As the cultist turns and looks over, he sees you. He goes, shit, but it's too late. You grab him. You do have grapple on him. Sweet.

Give me like a, I'm going to give you an opposed strength check to see if you can throw him off. Die, you've got to do this for me. Natural 20. I rolled a three. Yes! Shit! And as he says this,

you toss him off. Can I try to keep his crossbow? Oh my god. Not 20. Give me a sleight of hand check on top of it. Oh god. Nine. You knock his crossbow bolt out of his hand

as he's already fumbling. It tumbles on the roof a little bit and starts sliding down the shingles. You do not have it in your grasp, but it is nearby. Fuck it, I want to kick it off the roof and then start running for the other guy. Amazing.

It goes flying. This guy is falling. He is on his ass. He landed not far from you, Grelnok. And the other one goes, they're here! And turns and aims his crossbolt. Cross-b-bolt to you.

Roll for initiative! Let's go! Let's go! Oh! We're not solving anymore. That's funny. I was prepped to do my magic whip as soon as she knocked somebody off the roof, but.

Go ahead and do it now as part of all of this, as the surprise round. This is to yank the guy at the door closer so he can get away from the door a little bit. Okay, I love it. Oh yeah, that definitely hits. 17 plus whatever. That hits, that definitely hits. 17 plus whatever. That hits, roll for damage.

Get him, get him, get him, get him, get him. Not powder. Oh! It lights up. Yeah, it's from Taliesin. That's rowdy shit. 15 points of fire damage. Oh my god.

So once again, in a moment, as your whip wraps around his body, it just sears in and almost starts bisecting him. You do yank him towards you, but the side of his body starts collapsing in on himself, and he almost buckles within your force that you ripped him towards you. He is dead.

Oh my god. One down. Damn. That's amazing. Give me initiative. Hoa, you rolled a nat 20. 18. Anyone else over 20? 20 to 15.

18. Okay, Mallory. 20 to 15. 18. Okay, Mallory. 15 to 10. 12. Slaughter. Did you say 10? I got a 10. Tavima bringing up the ears.

The rears? The ears. Again. Call back. Okay. That kind of works, though. You know, you did something cool up front. Yeah. Hoa, you're up front. Since I'm around a lot of you,

except for you, you're still on the roof, right? I'm going to cast Frost Cloak. Okay. So everyone gets a plus one to their AC. You're covered in a thick cloak of frost, so you look like cool ice monsters. If anyone hits you in melee, they get three damage. Hey! Oh no!

And it feels nice, because it's so hot. It's so hot. You guys feel like a cool air conditioning. That's nice. Let's do this. Let's kill, I guess. Yes, you are. And then if they hit us, or if they attack us?

If they hit. Okay. So did somebody fall off the roof? Yes. Are they alive? Yes, but prone. I'm going to take my advantage with my staff. And also, he would have taken fall damage. Ooh. Mm-hmm.

Hang on. Sorry. I'm going to hit them with my staff. Okay. I assume that's advantage because they're prone? Yes. Where are the staff? 14. Hits.

Let's do... Let's go. That's seven points of bludgeoning damage. Whack, you just smash his head into a pulp in one fell strike, just like a butcher killing his meal. He is Dan. I'm going to try and get a little cover

from the other guy. I'm going to back off a bit. Get a little cover. Okay, get a little cover. All right. Oh, oh my god, that's the Colton's turn. Okay, so the one that is coming after you, he's going to train his crossbow bolt towards you,

pull the trigger. It's always a bolt. Where's crossbow bolts? Crossbow bolt. Not a crossbow. Nope. I got to say the full thing because of you, this is your problem. You did this.

17 to hit. It does hit. Okay. Even with your plus one from? It's exactly 17. You take five damage as he gets one bolt off onto you. All right. And then the one who is also in the back

turns, knowing that you all are here, he sees you, Mallory, and starts moving towards you. He has his flame in his hand. He is going to hurl the flame towards you. Oh, it's like what you try to do. With a natural 20. Oh, he's good at that. Um. Nuts.

Mm-hmm. Watch them. Watch them, it's not fun. He's a lefty. Maybe I should switch. Maybe you should good idea. He's a lefty. Maybe I should switch. Maybe you should switch. Maybe I'm a lefty. You know, I probably grew up as a lefty

and my parents trained me to be a righty. That's what happens a lot. You always feel like you're not as good. You take 12 points of fire damage. Ow! As he tosses this flame towards you. But we're melee attacks. With all of this commotion,

the two cultists that were stationed up front go, they're here, run back! And start to move around. The one that was towards the left front peeks around and he sees you, Hua. So you guys have made, you just cast your spell as this ice magic forms around you. Yeah, I think he hits with a 17.

12, 13, 14. Yep, sure do. Okay. Boop. He's going to do the same thing. He is going to toss a flame towards you for three damage. Not as good as the other guy. The other ones move around.

They're not far enough to, or not close enough to do anything else. And that is the cultist's turn. Slaughter! You're up. Yeah! This is. Lay of the land here, DM. Yes. How many, there's a cultist on the roof that's tangling with you.

There's at least one or two guards by the shed? One guard by the shed? The guard that was by the shed is now dead. There was only one and they're gone. There was only one. There are one of them in the back, so there's now one more in the back that is moving around.

And two from the front that are in the back. And then two from the front that are now moving around. And one on the roof, so four total. Correct. The folks inside, I'm not aware if they've heard or might be coming out. Correct. Should I seal the door?

So are the two guards coming around from the front, are they together? Are they near each other? One's trailing a little bit behind just based on their positioning, but they're, yeah, they're together. They're trying to be strategic about their placement as well, and they're not directly next to each other,

but they're within five feet. Okay. Trapping webs! Do it! Yeah! This is. Whip, thwip! They have to roll a dex saving throw. A dex saving throw of 14. Okay, the first one rolls a two.

The second one rolls a natural 19. So the one that is leading the charge gets hit in the face with this web, just it's almost like a bukkake. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, sponsored content! Sponsored content! Just in his mouth a little bit, and he gets grappled. Claw's really into it, by the way. I love it. He's just plodding to the side like, yes, very good. Good placement, okay.

Yes, the one we now have, the left front cultist, is webbed. Okay, so he, or she, or they, are grappled. Yes. For at least a full turn. Okay. And I might have a bonus action. No, not really, but I'll charge out into the, more into the fray, closer to these other folks.

Like how far, we were at least 30 feet away or something? Yeah, probably right exactly at 30 feet. Okay. So I'll just run in and... I don't know, I'll get next to one of the cultists in a possible flanking way, inviting one of the brawlier folks to come to the other side of said individual. Okay, yeah, there's still the one

who's coming around from the backside. So he starts closing in on you as you square off. All right. And that is Tavima. I instinctively flare out my quills to protect myself, and then I realize they're not there because canonically, my species loses their quills at a certain point of their lifespan.

Amazing. Okay, so the cultists that spun around, they turn, but are they still at the edge of the roof? I'd say they're within five feet of the edge of the roof, yeah. Good enough for me. Pretty close. Shield charge. Do it, do it, this is going to be so cool.

The dice. Do not want Do it, this is going to be so cool. The dice. Do not want this for me. No. No. Eight. I got an eight. Eight is what I got to do it. You rush towards him and he sees it's coming and then just full on turns to the side.

You bolt past him and then just put on the brakes, dig in your heels, sliding a little bit, especially with the rickety shingles, and almost go over the edge yourself, but then right yourself, and then turn, and he's right in your face now. Looking out over the edges, I did my little. Yeah. Do I see the two guards

from the front coming around? So you're on the far side of the building. You're now furthest in. They're heading backwards. Okay. Yeah. I just want the lay of the land as they're coming around. Yeah. So I don't know if you guys know that,

so I just shout it like, they're coming back! And yeah, while we're in melee, I'll swing with my longsword. Do it. Jesus Christ. Does a nine hit? No, it doesn't.

It's real slippy up here. It's so slippy! It's so humid and it just got real slick and I'm like, ah! Yeah, there's kind of like, in summer, there's some moss and stuff that's growing and your footing just slips again as you try and get purchase. I'm not so great.

All right, eff it. Last one. One magicka, machika for backlash. Okay. DC 15 con save. Everyone has made this today, so I'm assuming I'm just throwing a machika into the wind. Only good rolls is the only way.

Natural one. Yay! So they make it this time. Excellent. And sixes on the dice, so 12 points of fire damage. And they are doomed until the end of my next turn. They're doomed! So if I ever hit again, it will be bad.

As you swipe, you swipe, they dodge. As you swipe, you swipe, they dodge. They get a little cocky. They're like, as they chuckle in your face, just from your mind, they burst into flame, light themselves on fire. And as they are in a full panic, they slip and fall off of the edge of the building to their death in a flaming ball of fire.

Whoa. He is dead. Dramatic. Cool. Man, I like magic way more. Thord, we got to work on this. And I very gingerly walk across the room because I'm afraid of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Perfect. It is now Grelnok's turn. I'm going to charge forward and flank the one that Slaughter's on the other side of. Okay. And hit it with my axe. Do it. Don't hit me! I'm not going to, don't worry. You're flanking the back one. That is 13. To hit? Yeah.

That hits. Yeah. Sweet. That's seven slashing damage, and I'm going to use one of my stamina to add another d8 of slashing damage. That's another four. Just a scream, once again again erupts from this person as they are dead.

They're dead. Sweet. Nice. Are there any other ones near me? You can see the two that are coming around from the front that have started wrapping around the building and they're assessing the action. All right. I see two more. I'm going to stand and go, hit me!

Yes! Hit me? No, no, no. Me? I'm standing in front of you, Slaughter. No! I want them to hit me and not you! Oh, okay, okay. Hit her! Once again,

for the second time today, two people are like, a little confused, but, you know, alerted. I'm angry. I look angry. I like a fight. One of the female cultists is there, just goes, Ah! Back at you. And Hwad, it's your turn.

So the one that's webbed is the one who died, right? No, the one that is webbed is still there. Still webbed. Yes. As a free action, can I have a small chat or no? Sure. I'll allow it. I just kind of go over again, very webbed. Yes. As a free action, can I have a small chat or no? Sure. I just go over again, very into this. Yeah. Ha, hey, hi.

My name's Hwa. Do you, so what are you doing here? I just feel like, have I seen you around or no? What are you guys doing here? I could be restful, I just thought, hi. Roll a persuasion check. Woof. That's a 10. I just go,

funny coming from someone who's so unworthy and starts trying to just continue to struggle. Okay, you're webbed and I tried my best, but okay. Did the webs explode? When did the webs explode? Next turn? Oh, at the start of my next turn. Oh, okay. webbed and I tried my best, but okay. Did the webs explode? When did the webs explode? Next turn? Oh, at the start of my next turn. Okay. I back up a little bit.

Okay. I back up, whatever the range of that is, I back up, and then I cast Swarm again, so. On the webbed person or the one behind them? On the webbed person. Okay. I'm feeling a little turned off. That's a DC 14 con save. Please. Rolled a 14. No, I rolled a 17. Ooh. But their web is not.

Okay, fine. They save. I don't think their web affects their constitution. Oh. The Fetcher flies just fly around like, what? Ugh, gross webs. They're like, webs, yeah! They're like, oh, we know what this means, yeah. They fly away.

Okay. I did try my best. Okay, all right, I need to really focus. And I walk away. Valerie, you're all done. I love the idea that you have a summon, summon a swarm of insects and they just go. Well, it brought them there.

They're really not interested in anything happening here. Okay, first thing, I'm going to use my bonus action to heal a little bit, because I'm bleeding heavily. Okay. So that's a... Healing potions? I don't have healing potions. I just have a thing I can do.

We didn't buy anything. Nope. We sure didn't have a good rest. We didn't find shit. That's not great, but that's okay. I thought about it. I was like, would they find healing potions in this abandoned shack? Nah, they wouldn't.

They just wouldn't. That's a little bit. And... Yeah, let's... There's just solo people right now? There's nobody grouped? There are the two cultists who came around from the front. The one is webbed, and there's another one

who's about five feet from that person. Okay, let's just have a little fun with the lightning splash then. I thought the ones that were webbed were the ones coming around from the front. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But they're still close together. They're still grouped together, yeah.

So I'm going to get out of the range of the other one. I'm going to try and situate myself so that other people are more exciting targets. Okay. And I'm going to get out of the range of the other one. I'm going to try and situate myself so that other people are more exciting targets. Okay. And I'm going to use a lightning splash. So I'm going to create a little 10-foot sphere to catch both of them. Okay.

From a great distance. Is that it? And they have to make a dex save, a 14 dex save. And I'm pretty sure the webbed one, I don't know. Okay. Is grappled and probably can't make it. The grappled one fails. The other one rolled a natural 20.

Ooh. Wow, that one's dodgy. Strong. Yeah. Okay, so the one that failed takes a... Ooh, that's nice. Takes 16 points of lightning damage. As they are tangled in this web, they erupt. And I'm going to say, as the lightning catches the web, it all kind of explodes all at once

into this electrified poison cloud that just bursts. And I would say the other cultists would be close by to potentially get some poison damage. So the one that is webbed fries as the web just acts like a conduit to the electricity and arcing lightning shatters across their body and they die. Yay! And the other one takes

how many points of poison damage? 16 points of poison. And the other one is how many points of poison damage? 16 points of poison. And the other one is just too close to it and dies from asphyxiation. Nice. As poisoned ozone erupts nearby and just takes them both out. Nice. Double kill.

Going to need some healing at some point, but thank you. Dying short rest in our future. All of the cultists on the outside are now dead. So you're not, I'm going to say you're not out of initiative, but the cultists will miss this turn. Slaughter, you're up. We going in? Should we burn the place down?

What are we doing? I'm going to meet you from the other side. Oh, hi, yeah. Yeah, good job. Can you toss the crossbow up? Oh. I slip, drop it again. I don't fucking need it.

And I go. Are we burning it down? Are we going in? Are we SWAT teaming this? Can we see now? Can we get a better vantage point of how many people are on the inside? Are you peeking in through the window? Yeah. Okay.

You see just one person stationed at the top and holding onto this leash, this heavy chain, they have what is known as a daedroth, which looks like a bipedal, dual-horned, almost like an alligator mouth, demon-like Daedric monster creature that's probably standing. It almost fills the entirety

and reaches the ceiling of your tavern, probably about 12, 15 feet tall. Shit. But they're not moving? They're not making defensive moves or? They're just waiting. This thing is huge. This thing is fucking huge.

Why don't we seal it off? We all have keys to this place. No, no, there's other people in there. It's not alone. I bet they're all bad. You mean lock it and burn it? Lock it and burn it. It's got good bones.

We can build a new place on good bones. It's got terrible bones. I feel like we have to step it down. There's no bones. That's true. Just meat. Lock it up, try to burn it. As they try to escape, we attack them. There we go. And I feel like, you know, it would be extra bonus points if we went to the front

so they could run towards us and get trapped in my trap. It's still there. Really want trapped in my trap. Still there. Really want to use that trap. I mean. I mean, I feel that. As you all are having this conversation. Ah, shit. Too long. And Grelnok, you are peering into the window. Your face. It's my turn, right?

It is your turn. Okay. Your face, pretty close to the glass, you see as the daedroth fills the window with its enormous snout and fogs the glass. It knows your presence. Burn it, burn it now, burn it now. Okay, I will cast...

We're trying to get them to flee out the front door, is that right? I don't know. I'm going to run over the back door and try to start locking it. Well, don't bother. It's my turn. I'm going to throw traps. I'm going to do webs over the door.

Oh, good. Okay, okay. And that's my action for my movement and stuff. I'll just start trucking around towards the front door to see if they're popping out there, I guess. And someone else is going to set it on fire, right? Someone else can do fire, maybe? Rah! Okay.

Oh my gosh. Tavima, it is your turn, if that is the end of yours. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's all I can do. Sweet. I just look down and I go, I got you. And I want to stomp on the ground,

because I know these are loose tiles, and expose and break through the tile to get down to the wood of this, and cast Sunfire directly below me and Sprint to get off the front. Amazing. Yeah, your tavern is, you know, it's pretty derelict at this point, and you've got

Brayden and Safia break through the hole. And you're aiming towards the Daedroth. Can I punch a hole through and see down into the interior? You can. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Just. Fuck you.

And just light it up. Amazing. Is that a saving throw for me? Who could possibly know? No, it's a spell attack. Okay, go for it. Okay. 17.

That hits. Cool, cool, cool. 38, 32. Oh hell yeah. I can't do math. 19 points of fire damage. Holy shit. And is the person holding them on the leash

within five feet of them? Yes. Sweet. And then they also take one point of fire damage. So as the sunfire hits, it just courses through the chain a little bit and the cultist goes like, Ow!

Burns his hand a little bit, but he's okay. The Daedroth, you can see the heat has supercharged almost his plates, his thick hide. He did take damage, but he looks up at you and snorts as fire just puffs out of his nose. Less effective than I wanted!

And I want to get off the front of the roof. Okay. And I don't know if you will let me, as a bonus action, attempt to lock the front door. Yeah, I'd say you're sliding off the roof. Give me an acrobatics check. See if you can land it. Four?

Four good? That floor board. You're like, fuck yeah, right as you're about to do this awesome three-point landing, there goes another shingle. You know, and you land just right on your tailbone. Oh! Oh, the fuck. Yeah, right up your spine a little bit. You're okay, but it wasn't the most grateful fall. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Yeah. I'd say you can't lock the door this turn. I just get up and I'm waiting for Slaughter to come out into the front, and I'm like, ow. Yeah. The door, the door, the door, the door. Grelnok, it is your turn.

While you're on deck. Ah, I'm going to take out my torch. Yes! Hey, off. And just use my free action to start burning as much as I can around the bar. Let's see. I can use my whole action if it's necessary.

I just want to fucking, you know, catch things. It takes a little bit of time to try and get things to catch, but yeah, that side of the building slowly does start to slowly burn away. Yeah. That's probably your turn. Ooh! You have to roll up some newspaper first and then get some small ones.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. I feel like our place probably has balled up trash and dried rags and stuff and oil. The wood is dry rotted, so it's like, you know. But there's still some stone in the foundation that doesn't catch, so you're trying to go for the wood beams. Can I use, can I still move?

Yeah. Okay. Then I'm going to try to make a run for the front. Okay. And then as my bonus action, I can move up to my speed toward an enemy of my choice. So I'm going to use another full movement to get to the front and try to run around to the front window.

The front window? Yeah. Because he webbed the door. Yeah, I want to get to the front. The back door. Oh, you webbed the back door. Okay. I want to get to the front door. The front window? Yeah. Because he webbed the door. Yeah, I want to get to the front. Oh, you webbed the back door. Okay. I want to get to the front door. Okay. To, like, I don't think I'd be able to lock it on my turn,

but I want to be ready to, like, anything that comes out of that window, I want to try to be in front of it. Okay, yeah. I'd say you definitely are able to get to the front, and then that's probably about all you can do this turn. As long as it gets me closer to an enemy than I started. Yeah, yes. Okay.

I'd say yes. I do the running to the front thing as well. And after I run to the front, I can lock the front door. Can I do this? Sure. Okay. I lock the front door. I don't want to. I feel so bad about our memories and our friendship built into these buildings.

Give us a sign off the door, at least. All right, and I take the sign off the door. And I do, you know what? I don't know if you'll let me do the Sanity move once. Maybe I can divide my movement. I want to go to the horse and make sure it's not getting it. The horse? The horse?

The horse is around back. Oh shit. You've already used your movement to move around back. Oh shit. You've already used your movement to move around front. I think it would be another move to get to the horse. I used the rest of my movement to go to my bird pen, my birdcage pen. Oh yeah. And then I say, be free. Be free.

You ought to go be free. He's not towards the fire, away from the fire. Other way, other way. Your precious birdies are no longer caged. That was my whole train. Oh, that's so sweet, though! You're all going to die. Mallory, you're up.

I'm the only one left at the back, aren't I? You are. Okay. I think Slaughter is also- En route to the front. Yeah, near, around the side of the building, so Slaughter is also- En route to the front. Yeah, near, around the side of the building. So Slaughter is the closest one to you, but. How's the horse look? You know, once again, it's still like-

He will outlive us all. Its knees are shaky, so he just lays down and tucks his hooves under him and with a little still foaming at the mouth. You're not sure what's with this foaming thing. Seems like a problem that can be dealt with later. Yeah, the horse is like, it's no worse off than what you left it at.

The horse is not in imminent threat. The horse doesn't know what's happening. It's so old, it doesn't know. Like a cataract. Yes, yes. I'm going to try and take the other direction around the house, because I feel like there's less commotion and I'm feeling a little ragged,

so I'm going to want to jump to some cover on my way there. Okay. But before I go, I'm going to throw a lightning splash into the house, because it's got a 60-foot range where I can make a ball explode. Cool. Can you do it through walls? As long as I think I can see.

I think as long as I can see, it's fine. Yeah, fine. Works with me. I'm not, I don't know. As long as I can see through the window, and I'm going to try and get both of them in that little splash. Okay, the cultist and the monster. Yeah, and I'm going to put a Power Surge in it.

That's a dex save, once again? It's two dex save, yeah, it's a dex save. Okay, for the cultists. The cultist rolls a natural 17, so I think it's a save. Damn, these rolls are good. Rolls so good. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Daedrith does not roll, the Daedrith fails.

So, okay, this is lightning damage. Let's see what we got. Okay. 11 points of lightning damage. Okay. That's what I got. He's looking rough. And now I'm going to roll my way

and I'm going to try and take some cover so that these things, I'm going to find a place to hide. I'm going to make my way around and hide because I am squishy. Okay. It is the cultists' turn. Oh boy. Sort of in the direction that you already started

catching the house on fire. The Daedroth rears back and you can just hear this guttural as it's sucking in noise and then as it unleashes a fire breath across this wall and starts cutting a hole in the place that you've already started. Oh. It is a 15-foot cone.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say Hwa, Grelnak, and Tavima to make a dexterity saving throw for me. Okay. Oh. No, that's not great. 13, 11. 13.

Six. 11. 13, six, and 11. It is, okay, it is a DC 11 dex saving throw. So you pass, the other two of you take, I'm going to say it's through the wall. So I'm going to actually still say that it's half damage. You take six points of fire damage.

Okay. But where you already started weakening the foundation is now just carved open, like this nice long vertical window hole. So that's in the front of the house? Burning. The front of the building now? I'd say it's where the side of the building and the corner of the building meet,

where you already started burning it down on the side of the building. He's taking out this chunk of the corner of the building where you guys are. We're good, we're good, this is fine. Our place. And then the cultist, who is also there, what can the cultist do?

The cultist also has a flame and he sees Hwa through this window, chucking the flame. Oh. I believe that hits with, once again, another 17. Sure do. And he now has this nice carved opening. You take three fire damage. Okay, I'm fine, it's fine.

And that is the cultist's turn. Slaughter, you are up. Oh! With Tavima on deck. Can I see inside the house, the tavern, through this hole that the creature has carved? The hole is kind of, because you're still making your way around the front, right?

Yeah, I'm heading that way. You saw these licks of fire course out into the front in front of you. Then I'll continue running around. Okay, I was going to say, you do have this window, which is where Grelnok was looking through before. So you do see this giant, blue-scaled, horned demon beast in there.

Okay. That just took out the front of your tavern. Do you think I could make it to the front if I ran up there? All right, I'll run to the front and see if I can get an opening over there. Okay, yeah. And then I'm going to pop a skull,

set it on fire. Yeah! That's spicy. Suck at it. Light it on fire. Yeah! Spicy. Shock at it. Light it on fire. And then wheel back to throw it. But then look at my chosen sister and realize that maybe I've been doing this wrong

this whole time. I'll flip it to my left hand. Yeah! Oh! Throw it lefty and see if that works. This is I'll flip it to my left hand. Yeah! Oh! Throw it lefty and see if that works. This is it, this is it. Natural one. Oh! I'm just a poor, a very poor thrower.

A bad pitcher. You're trying to go right through this perfectly carved hole, and for some reason, even though you have 15 feet in front of you that's open, you clip the side of the building and it just bounces right back towards you. I pick it up.

Here you go, try again. All right, that's my action. That uses a Mahika point. And I's my action. That uses a magicka point. And I used my movement. I mean, I can't really do anything else. So I'll use my bonus action, patient defense. I don't have any else I can do. Okay.

I'll use my bonus action to make sure no children are running into your trap. In case they couldn't read. No, that's fair. Can you heal with any of your actions or bonus actions? With an action, I can. Okay. Yeah? Are you looking rough? Okay.

I'll remember that for next time. There are, as you turn around to look, you do see a few citizens that are just on their- Get away! Shoo! It is that they're just- Get away! Get away from here!

And they turn and they run. They don't know what's going on. Must be a fantasy world where people just don't huddle closer to each other. Yeah, yeah. A lot's going down in the Dominion right now. People are nervous. That was Slaughter to Vima.

Sweet. Eyes, it's open. So what is on the inside? So there's a big bad boy. Yes. Someone holding it. Do a quick perception check for me. 11. That's okay. check for me. 11.

That's okay, you didn't need much. You see inside the tavern that the entire floor of your entrance dining room is gone. The foundation has been ripped open to reveal this glowing red hole. And at the precipice of this hidden basement is a massive spiral staircase. And you can only see from your perspective,

you can really only see like, you know, you're kind of trying to peer over maybe five or six steps that start spiraling down as this red glow is emanating from the bottom. And that's about all you can see from your vantage. That's insane. Who sold us this place? Yeah! This place is dope!

How many enemies are still on the inside? Still just the two. You still just see this daedroth that is looking pretty rough and the cultist that is still looking fine. So the bad chick went down. I see. Vibes. I'm looking through where it's burning

and then I just scooch five feet to the right and I'm going to bust through my cool window to get inside. Yes! Amazing! Yes. And I want to Shield Charge the Daedroth. Okay. You don't even have to roll to buy. This is your window, you built this. So you do a full barrel roll, you tuck and tuck. Captain America nonsense.

100%, as you roll in and you stick the landing and you're inside. Tight. Yeah. Okay. So I want to Shield Charge the Daedroth and see if it does anything. Oh yeah, 14 plus five. 19. That hits. To bash the guy.

Cool. 3d6. 11 points of bludgeoning damage and a DC 13 strength saving throw. Try to knock it prone. Natural one. Dude, okay, so he's knocked down. Sword out.

How do you want to do this? Oh, shut up! Yeah. You guys were really hard on this beast early. Yeah. He was supposed to be a thing and he's not now. With that then, I think she comes in, charges him, and then as she puts him down,

or pushes it away, this thing has a weird heated carapace, right? Yeah, yeah, you can see his fire breath that can course beneath his plate armor. This Templar reaches out with this almost sun ray-like hand of fire and grabs in between it and just jams her sword in between some of the bits and rocks down with it and then just looks up at its handler.

It's like when you see a blacksmith using hot metal on hot metal, and it just, it's like pudding. It just melts right through his platelets. Platelets? Yeah. That seems fine. Yeah, that's a thing, right? Yeah. Sure. And it just starts to sink and sear, right?

You can hear that searing noise as it falls into him. Is the searing noise. Yeah. That, yeah. That sounded good. That's amazing. All right, and that's me. Awesome. And you push him back, right? Or he falls prone?

He falls prone. Okay, yeah, yeah. So he collapsed. You see this giant beast that is now he almost fills what is left of the floor of your tavern. I just want to turn and look at him, or at the handler and just go, run. Make an intimidation check. Yes!

I have provision in that. Run into 16. Amazing. I'm going to say that that was totally effective, and the next person who attacks the cultist has advantage, because they are now a little freaked out. Cool. And that next person is Grelnok.

Yes. Sick. Let's go. All right. I'm watching all that happen as the window starts closing. I'm going to jump right through it again. Yes! Three-point landing! As almost, it barely has a moment to complete

and its image comes into focus before same sound effect. It breaks open again. I look up, I look at the cultist and go, Do my friends scare you? Yeah! Attack with advantage. Yeah. Let's go.

Here we go. Please. Two, one. This person is turning yellow. No, no, no! 16 and a 17, so that's a 24 to attack. Oh yeah, definitely hits. Missed it. Missed it. Definitely. This one's dodgy. Whoa, what was that?

What did you do? Evil magic. Green sniper, what? That was a d12 plus five, so 17 damage? Yes. Oh my god. So as you burst through and you slice your sword across him, he is just pushed back from the force of your attack

and falls down this giant hole in the spiral staircase. You are literally the coolest person I have ever known. Look at this thing you just killed. You just fucking killed that thing. That guy's slinking down. He just keeps throwing end over end. Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling.

Cling, cling, cling, cling. This is a sick beat. I start throwing it back to the sound of this guy falling dead. You should do it on a birthday song. He is dead. So you all have this quick moment to regroup. The side of your tavern is still,

I wouldn't say it's in a full-blown flame, but there are still tiny embers and flames that are licking and slowly eating the sides of your tavern from where you started. It's just eroding away as the flames spread around. But you see inside, better advantage as you can get inside, this giant hole in the ground.

You look down and you see that the spiral staircase goes down what must be 50, 100 feet. All you can see from now is the top of what looks like this giant statue. Must be 50 foot. Somebody roll a history check for me in this moment. Sure. No, no, no.

History or religion? I have a plus zero to both. Okay. So 12. Okay. So 12. Okay. You know that this is Daedric in nature from what you've heard, and especially you, Slaughter, who is a little bit more in touch,

and especially after talking with the soldiers earlier, and the one that was giving you shit for believing in Daedric magic. You know this to be Mehrunes Daegon, an imposing demon-like figure with short horns erupting from the top of his head. He's got huge arms, four of them, erupting from his torso.

Three of them brace against a massive rock jutting out from the surface of the chamber below, from his torso. Three of them brace against a massive rock jutting out from the surface of the chamber below, while the fourth arm holds a giant battleaxe. And you can't really see the base of the staircase from here, but the staircase wraps around this giant statue. So when we found

that our shed had a portal into a nightmare place, we didn't check under our crawl space or anything. We just were like, that's probably the only one. We thought it wasn't the only one. Could you have imagined that there'd be a giant spiral staircase to hell? Landing can't strike twice, I think is the first expression. Are there any other places that we should check around the property after this?

The whole thing, maybe the whole thing. I mean, it's about to get cleaned out anyway, because eventually the fires are going to hit the gas leak in the kitchen and that's it. I would like to cast Crosscloak on the building to stop the fire. Okay. Yeah. But it's a total loss now.

Maybe we should just let it burn. We don't have the insurance. We don't have insurance. I'm going to use my stick to crack open the window and gingerly step through the stained glass window because I'm not jumping through that. Yeah, that's fair. I unlock the front door also, yes.

Okay, so yes, with a little bit of time, how much time do you want to take putting out the flame? The Frost Cloak, eh, duration's only 10 minutes anyway, so I guess that's 10 or 20. Okay, okay. We need to heal anyway. Um, if you want to take the time, you can. Oh, well, should we not do this? Hold on, I got scared.

I'm tapped, so if we take a second. I feel like dying right now. I can heal both of you for a few rounds. Really? Yeah. Okay. It's a short rest. We can roll our hit dice. How long is a short rest? An hour? How long is a short rest?

This lieutenant just ran down there. We got to pursue. I know. We got to, they're going to know. They're going to come up. We'll be fine. But if we just wait a minute, I think our Machi Kans. Another flash of red pumps from the bottom. We're doing things.

All right, I will cast Spirit Mender. Come close with me. And this is starting to turn for the next three rounds. You or an ally you choose, is that just one ally? Regains one d4 plus one hit point. Okay. For three rounds. How long does it take?

Four. Two. To regen our stamina and magic. That's eight plus 11. I thought that was every new battle. I'll do for you. Okay. Can you heal this one?

Hwa, can you heal this one or no? I need a short rest before we do that spell. I could use that 11 very badly. I've already given it away. But weird, you can do it again as we're on our way down. It's a round, right? Or three rounds, that's... I am out of magic. Unless after fights we regenerate.

After fights we get it back. Right, DM? Yeah, that's right. I took those notes. Yep, that's what she just said. Yes, that's right! Sure, yep. After, yep, you regenerate after fights. That is what Matt had told us after the first game,

that after every battle, you regenerate. Would you leave initiative, you regenerate? Yes. Okay, fine. Yes. So. I'll use my, I'm clean slating. You have been in initiative since the start, since you have come into the tavern.

Are we out of initiative now? Yeah, I'll say you're out of initiative now. Fine. I will cast Spirit Mender on you. Thank you. Giving you also 11 hit points. Nice. I am okay. Were you attempting to quell the flames?

Because it is. Yeah, I'll do that. It's just an action, and yeah, it's just one action to do that. Okay, I'll say you are able to tamp them down. There's a little bit of burning embers on the edges of the wood, but you are able to slow down the spread

pretty significantly. Just so we can get back out. We'll be significantly. Just so we can get back out. Just be fine. Just so we can get back out. Maybe a break. Not how fire works, but yeah, I mean, sure. Not how fire or water works. Apparently, or water, yeah. Neither thing.

Yeah, I mean, if you have one minute, maybe someone can give the horse out in the back some water. I just gesture down the hole. We should go right now. You all hear a bit of an echo. Yeah, listen, there's things happening. That starts reverberating from the bottom. So please, please. Let's go down.

Please, Mehrune. Oh. Okay, oh. That's not, that's bad. Let's kill her before she wakes up Mehrune. I was told at the beginning to not try to look for Mehrune, so. Oop. Go, go, go. Run.

Who's going first? Run down the stairs. Me! Okay. I'll follow. Okay. All right. As you guys slowly move down the staircase, you continue to hear echoes of begging, pleading. I beg of you. What must I do to prove my worth?

As you continue to move down the stairs. Pick up speed, we pick up speed. Yep, yep, yep. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Can you hear me, Great Prince? And all of you seeming to emanate throughout the whole bodies and within your skulls, almost reverberating from your bones.

Serendipity is on your side, beggar. Seems we have intruders amongst us. And about this time, you see the lieutenant, beautiful woman, pale skin, cloak pulled over her head, pulls back, her long ears pointing up, looks up at you, eyes dripping with blood, as she sees you descending the spiral staircase. up at you, eyes dripping with blood,

as she sees you descending the spiral staircase. I knew you'd be back. Roll for initiative again. Let's go. I mean, we live here. Is this Devon? Did it not? Devon, you do not recognize this woman. Oh, Devon. Yes. Yeah!

What do we got, what do we got? Grelnok, finally? Natural 20. Hell yes. Anyone else over 20? Just a dirty 20. Okay, perfect, that's great. Let me roll for her.

Blank sisters! Yeah! Ooh, she rolled real bad. She did not do good. Is there other people? Is it her? Just her right now? You see two other cultists at her side. Well.

And she just rolled terribly. Okay. Sorry, bear with me. No, you're good. Vima. 20 to 15. 15 to 10? 11.

Okay, yeah. So I'm third? Wow. Nope, nope, nope. We here are so shitty. That then puts her. That's a level two shitter. Uh-oh, nope, nope. We here are so shitty. That then puts her. It's a level two shitter. And then five to zero? Six. Three. Oh, you did say it was six, three.

Okay, okay. Wow. Mallory's stilllaughter, okay. Has it been over 10 minutes since we started the battle in the back of the house? With the break that you guys just took, I'd say right at 10 minutes. Your Frost Cloak is gone, but I'll do it again.

Okay. And then, wait, Mallory, Slaughtergram, you're last? Three. Okay. Grelnok, you are first. All right. All right, Grel. How far away are we? You're still a little bit perched up on this spiral staircase.

I'd say you're about 20 feet up and another 10 feet away from her. And you look down and you can see that there are these Daedric runes carved around this gigantic statue of Mehrunes Dagon, and that has been this pulsing red energy just emanating from these runes with this lieutenant, this Daedric, Daedra lieutenant, Dremora, sorry,

Dremora lieutenant standing in the middle of it as she's just crying these red tears, attempting to commune with Mehrunes Dagon. I'm scared to go in the middle of those runes. This seems bad. Just kill her. How close are the other people to her? They're like five feet flanked behind her. They're her squad, you know.

I'm going to give it a try. I'm going to run up and try to get within, like, right next to her. I'm going to get up right next to her. Okay. And right as I slide up next to her, I'm going to just run up, grab my axe, and slam it down into the ground and cast Stone Fist

to try to hit all three at once. Amazing! Do it! Triple play. Okay, so this is a dexterity save of 14 for all of these. There's no way. Okay, let's do her first. Nope. Cultists.

Okay. One of the cultists made it. One of her little minions. The one that's back to the right of her. Everyone else failed. Then they take 15 force damage, the ones that failed, and half that for the one that saved. Okay.

So the cultist that's to her left just immediately is obliterated as these rocks from the ground pop up around them. It just completely crushes them without a second thought. So that one is dead. The other one, Teessa, takes half damage. She is looking rough.

And then she's... There's where she's at. And then for my bonus action, I'm going to Venomous Claw her. Okay. Make an attack. Ooh! That's good. 15 plus something.

Yeah, hits. Okay. So that's 3d8, plus my strength modifier. Hell yes. So that's six, 10, 13 more points of poison damage for her. Heck yes! Oh, shit.

You rock! Kill them all! Sheer, really. Is this on the lieutenant or on the? Lieutenant. Oh my god. I'm not good at math. Okay, there we go, there we go, there we go.

13. Hang on, hang on. Give me a calculator. I don't have a calculator. Let me just do this old school style. Yes, full on. Okay, okay, yeah, all right, there we go. I was right.

And I'm just going to grab her shirt and pull her forward and I'm going to go like, hit me. Yeah! Once again, she just like, What? We all not yet. Okay.

She likes it, it's fine. Tavima, it's your turn. Let's go. I love my battle sister and I just sprint in. All right, I had to write it all out. As I run down, cast Backlash. So DC 15 con save. Backlash.

Hits. Wait, did she make it? She fails. Oh, cool, cool, cool. Yes. Sweet. All right, five points of fire damage and doomed until the end of the next turn. Doomed? Yeah. So she's about to take way more damage.

Finish running, Shield Charger. Okay. Free action. Do I get advantage because of melee? Are you coming? I want to come around and flank. Yeah, I'm not trying to run into you. Sure, yeah, if you're flanking, yeah.

Cool, because that was much better. 16? That hits. Yes. Ooh, ooh, cool, cool. 3d6 of strength. Which is another, those are low rolls. Nine, no, 10 points of bludgeoning damage,

plus 2d4. Three, plus another six fire damage from backlash. And now I'm going to use, for my action, Longsword Attack. Oh my god, yeah. Oh yeah, sorry. Before that, I need a DC 13 strength saving throw or she's docked prone from the shield charge. Good grief.

What a great. Fail. Yes! So this is also with advantage now because she's down on the ground. God. Oh my. That's clutch. 18 to hit.

Hits. Oh my god. Sweet. Kill her in one move. Yes. For another seven points of slashing damage. And I get another 2d4 fire damage because every time I hit with melee. Because she's doomed.

Yep, because she's doomed. So another six points of fire damage. And then I'm going to spend one more stamina as a free action to puncture her. So I need a DC 14 dexterity check. She's prone, so that should be with disadvantage. You're right. She rolled a 16 on that first one,

and then a 13 on the second. She fails. Ooh. For another eight points of piercing damage. This was supposed to be A multi-round thing? The climactic culmination That is the set?

with things that happened. How do you want to do this? Yes! Oh, yay! Sorry, other players. I'm sorry! Sorry. I'll be right here. Hi. I'm drawing a picture of the scene while I'm talking to you.

I'm sitting down. I'm just going to sit down. Remember this forever. I'm just watching her fight. Nosebleed? I do all of this while never breaking eye contact with Corell. Aw! That's the tip to dip.

Well, this. Yep. Yeah, I don't know how to re-describe it. You make it cool, I don't know. Okay, so as you just come at her, this woman who is already vulnerable and emotionally charged in the middle of trying to commune with

and get this all power, you slash into her once, you bash her again. She tumbles back into this runic circle and falls downward as the runes burst again with this red energy. And you almost see the tendrils of the energy reach out and begin to consume her as blood starts being siphoned

and pouring out of her pores as her skin pulls back all over her body, as her entire life force is just siphoned out of her. And you see these blood droplets floating in the air, mixing with these red, necromantic, demonic energy, and then get sucked right back down into the runes that were glowing with this red energy. We just fed them.

So I do all that, and I just turn back to everyone that's still coming down, like, and then you hear, as much as everything was on fire, and the clanging and the banging as your fellow teammates come running down the stairs, that same voice echoes within all of your all's heads and throughout the building. A pact will be fulfilled.

The time of the Ambitions has come. Only those worthy will claim their power. And as quickly as this escalated, silence. You see one more remaining cultist who looks around. You better leave. And just begins walking up the staircase,

looking to see encounters you, Mallory. Do I recognize the face? Is it Timothy? Timothy! You bastard. Yeah, you know what? It's Timothy. Why not? It's Timothy. Fuck this guy.

We should screen our employees better. Inside job. I'm just going to take a swing with my stick. Okay. Let's go! All right, taking a swing. That's a 16 to hit. It hits. Please, we had good times.

It's four points of damage. Go shoot! You kick him back down the stairs. King, king, king, king, king. Damn. Falls, collapses on top of the lieutenant's body as once again, the final runes, just only three though, not all of them,

just a few runes go like. Yeah, it just sucks what few remaining hit points was left in poor Timothy. Poor little Chalamet. That was horrible. He's so little and cute. So little and cute. Need a snitch. He's so little and cute. He's so little and cute. Need a snitch.

Gone before his time. Can't stand a snitch. With the cultists defeated, and then this- That's two weeks notice. This new emergent silence. Quiet. You, the tavern keepers, are now alone with the remnants of your tavern

that must now need a bit more renovations and repairs to get running again. The good news, however, your property just expanded by about 350 square feet. And that is where we will close part two of our three-shot of Elder Scrolls Online. I just want to look over at all of you.

I need to name the horse. What did I do? Did I just want to look over at all of you. You need to name the horse. What did I do? Did I do it wrong? To be fair, we never named the horse. Oh, part two of our three shot. Wait, we never named the horse. We're going to have to rename the bar now as well because it's been destroyed.

But there's now a really nice hole. There is a nice hole! It's a really nice hole! It's a good thing we've got a dining room inside a wine cellar. This is awesome! It all comes around. We can put a glass floor in and rent it.

It all works out. We did that thing where we made it, we materialized it into being. The secret. Thank you all for hanging out with us. Please go check out Elder Scrolls Online Blackwood now at www.elderscrollsonline.com slash buy. And we will see you for the grand finale of this three shots.

And that's a wrap for our special one shot inspired by the Elder Scrolls Online Blackwood sponsored by our friends at Bethesda and ZeniMax Online Studios. We hope you enjoyed our adventure into the Elder Scrolls Online universe. And remember, you can check out the Elder Scrolls Online Blackwood right now at elderscrollsonline.com slash buy. That's slash B-U-Y. Okay, until next time, Critters.

Bye-bye.