Critical Role - Weird Kids | Episode 1: Welcome to Weird Kids

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

Welcome to the world of Weird Kids! Join Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe as they discuss growing up as child actors in Hollywood, and how they learned to re-discover a passion for storytelling as adults. They'll also take a walk down memory lane and show you all some of the comical commercials they starred in as children! Use the code ""WEIRDOS"" for a one month free trial on https://beacon.tv/ New episodes air weekly on Tuesdays Show Description:Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe deep dive into their lives as the Weird Kids! This is a formal invitation to all the misfits, outcasts, and weirdos to take a seat at our table and join these former child actors as they embrace their unique upbringings and celebrate all things weird and wonderful. Learn more at https://critrole.com/weirdkids/ Produced by Maxwell James and Will Lamborn BEACONWe’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord. YOUTUBE MEMBERS / TWITCH SUBSCRIBERSTwitch Subscribers and YouTube Members gain instant access to VODs of our shows, moderated live chats, and custom emojis & badges:https://www.youtube.com/criticalrole/joinhttps://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole Follow Weird Kids!Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theweirdkidspodTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hellobeaconYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheWeirdKidsPod

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Well, hey there, Critters. This is Ashley Johnson. And Taliesin Jaffe. And we are popping in here to share with you all the first episode of our new podcast, Weird Kids. In this series, we're diving into our lives as former child actors from unraveling our eccentric upbringings to embracing all the delightfully odd interests we still have today. We're covering so many topics like antique toys, taxidermy, Japanese pop culture, and honestly, anything else we can come up with. So to all the misfits,

weirdos, and none of the aboves out there, come take a seat at our table and celebrate all things unconventional, eccentric, and wonderfully weird. Weird Kids is available exclusively on Beacon, but we wanted to share this first episode with everyone to show what we've been working on. If you like what you hear, use the code WEIRDOES to get a one-month free trial on beacon.tv to go hear more. New episodes will be released every Tuesday on Beacon.

Now, without further ado... Welcome to Weird Kids. Oh, hello. Hi there. I was all prepared for like 10 seconds of awkward silence but apparently that's a bad thing i mean i don't think it's a bad thing yeah it's just to prepare people for how awkward this is going to be this is going to be so awkward who whose voice am i hearing right now in in my podcast okay so yes if you are if you are listening, first-time listener, first-time watcher, if you're watching this as well, my name is Ashley Johnson. What is your name? I am known as Taliesin Jaffe.

Yes, you are. That is my name. And we were child actors. If we were still child actors, that would be a little awkward. That'd be strange. Yeah, at this point. We are now actors. If we were still child actors, that would be a little awkward. That'd be strange. Yeah, at this point. We are now adults. Apparently. Kind of. And, yeah, this is Welcome to Weird Kids.

Welcome to Weird Kids. Why are we doing this? Because we were told to? Honestly, it's because we were told to because we have a lot of issues. And not well. Yeah, we have a lot of issues and not well. Yeah, we have. Yes, I think. I think we have.

We're very we're a little strange. And I think we both know that. And I think the sort of nugget of why we are is, well, there's many reasons. But I think one of them, which we will talk about in some of the podcasts as we go on, we're still figuring out what this is. It'll change. It'll morph. But we will tell some stories of, yeah, we both were child actors'm, again, we'll get deeper into this, but there is something that happens when, uh, you spend your entire, entire childhood being, uh, uh, treated like a child, but being expected to behave like an adult and not actually knowing any real children. And, uh, uh, it, it, some people break hard. We did not break hard. We, uh, I mean, you know, we didn't rob a 7-eleven or anything or if we did we didn't get caught so well done yeah we didn't we didn't i was a fairly good kid uh i i i had a

good heart you had a good um yeah i think in in being a kid on a set and then you go back to normal life and you go around kid you're around kids your own age it's horrifying it's hard yeah and i i think because you you are not trained but you're just around adults all day so you know you you interact with adults they talk to you like an adult, and we were very, we were weird kids. Which I think when we were talking about putting together this podcast of things we wanted to talk about and why. Um, I think... I don't know, I, I, I, it, we, we have had

very similar upbringings in some ways, and, and some of it is... was the actor stuff, and some of it was not. Some of it... both of us have had very interesting and strange and weird lives. Very strange lives. And the child acting definitely started it, and then it just kind of morphed into a decades-long attempt

to figure out what a real childhood is like, and still attempting to figure it out and It it created an interesting reality for me. I've had like six lives and at this point you've had more than that because you were born in 1642 um 3027 Next year. Yes, I beat Mel Brooks by a thousand years, which I'm really, you know, I look better too, arguably. You do, you do. There's more color and more flair. Yeah. And I'm here mostly because our friends told me that the only way I'm actually going to get healthy is if I monetize my sickness.

And so they're like, you won't do it any other way. And that's fair. No, it's true. That was another thing we were talking about because we, we, so how long have we known each other? 12 years? I don't know. I feel like it's been a little bit longer than that. I met you through D&D. I had heard of your reputation, but we did not meet. Is that where we first met?

As far as I remember, unless, but that doesn't mean anything. My memory is shot, which is ironic for doing it. I remember everything but that doesn't mean anything my memory is shot which is ironic for doing it I remember everything before like 2010 so yeah I really we remember a lot of our childhood but everything you know if I had to tell you what I did yesterday I probably couldn't tell you no I can tell you the lyrics to every cartoon I watched up until 1985 And we'll get there. Yeah, we will. Um... Yeah, we did, we met, um, through playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, at Laura and Travis's house. That's where I remember meeting you.

Yeah. And, uh, yeah. And we have played in that same game, even though we've had different campaigns for the past 12 years. My God. And have connected on many different levels. same game, even though we've had different campaigns for the past 12 years. My God. And have connected on many different levels.

Um... Yeah, I don't meet a lot of people who have a similar level of damage. I had very... Yes! I mean, there's a... I mean, plenty of people who have a depth of damage. I mean, it's always a, you know, it is...

It is a... It is a deep lake. It's a deep lake. It's a deep well. Yeah deep wall yeah and you know deep lakes tend to have uh have quiet surfaces it's it's uh streams that are loud and and uh it's always shallow water that is loud and and crackly and moving everywhere what a good i like that that's very quiet on the outside which I feel like we both are until you sort of get in there and you're like, uh-oh. Yeah. There's a lot of shit going on here. Immediately I had that, oh, child actor. Okay.

Yeah. I know. And I don't know a lot of them. So any more old people. Yeah. Are you friends with any still? I mean, I don't think Sam Riegel quite counts because he was a theater kid, which is a whole different vibe. Who is another friend of ours that is also a place

in our Dungeons & Dragons. Worth looking up. Another interesting life, but very different. Very different, very different. He was in theater, so he was kind of like a cool... That was just such a different vibe. Like, I feel like the theater kids were very separate from yeah they were yeah they were serious actors but not yes not to i mean it's one of those things

where in acting you're like you should get a real job but also that looks hard and you oh you're an artist whatever yeah yeah the theater is for for the artistic and the real actors yeah you learn to sing and dance that's great that doesn't actually help you get a real job yeah even in acting oh you're a mime actually mimes make more money at this point never mind so where where are you from talison oh boy um i am born and raised uh uh los angeles california um born uh i was born at home in Venice Beach because my mother was a hippie. You were born at home? Yeah. Yeah, I was, my mom was.

I don't know if I knew this. I may not have ever mentioned it, but yeah. She had a home birth? Yeah. Oh my God. Explains a lot. It does explain a lot, but I think that's pretty fascinating. There are rumors she was mildly inebriated, but I haven't been able to confirm that, to be fair.

Good for her. That's one way to do it. I wasn't there, technically, until minutes later. Yeah, I moved around Los Angeles probably once a year for most of my, or close to once or twice a year for most of my life. I don't know why. And then a series of various step-parents along the way, which will be fun to get into. A little bit of time in London, a little bit of, and then later, Japan and Colorado and Texas,

but those are all different vibes. And you spent some time in each of those places. You spent some time in Japan. You know Japan pretty well. It's been a long time. I'm sure it's very different. But yeah, that was my 21st birthday out there. And I come from a

film family, film and theater family. You sure do. Four generations. Four generations? Great-grandmother was a silent film actress. My grandfathers were, one of them was a writer, playwright and film writer. We have some of his books here on the set.

Oh, yeah. May I grab one? Yeah, sure. Do you want to show it? We can show it. This is, I mean, this is not really what he's known for, but I was amused that he wrote like some novels as well. I'm going to move the microphone with me because we can because this is technology that we have This is why you should watch the video of yeah, cuz you want to see us move around

Yeah, uncle was producer grandfather Yeah, that's that's the new version we have this one And then we also have this one which I think is Norwegian It is it is a language i do not know um but uh blackmailer by george axelrod um she was born bad i do know that there's born bad she was born bad so so the so the uh uh front page with the with the uh scantily clad woman with guns and money, say. Look at her. I want to be her. So he wrote these.

Yeah, and I think, like, there's, like... Can you also say what else he wrote? I can say some films, but, like, this... I know that, like, I think this is one that has, like, a vape Truman Capote vibe in it, where, like, he's a character with a different name in there. My grandfather wrote some episodes of The Shadow, I believe, the radio play back in

the day. Whoa. He wrote The Seven-Year Itch, Will Success spoil Rock Hunter. How fucking cool is that? The film adaptation of The Mentoring Candidate. Damn! A couple other things. Bus Stop. He did the adaptation of Busian Candidate. Damn! A couple other things. Bus Stop.

He did the adaptation of Bus Stop with Marilyn Monroe. Did he ever talk about Marilyn? Oh, yeah, tons. Did he love her? Oh, yeah.

He thought she was fucking delightful and always had great stories about what a delightful mess she was. We had a lot of, I mean, he and my grandmother

were huge socialites, so we had all sorts of interesting people around the house all the time that I wouldn't even know where to begin with. My grandmother was, I guess, roommates in college. I don't know what they called it back then with Lauren Bacall, so there was a whole bunch of that in reality. Oh, my God, Lauren Bacall so much.

Oh, yeah, Betty is a whole... Which that, so many of those stories, which I can't wait to get into. And another thing that we've talked about where it's hard to sometimes tell these stories because you're like, I don't want to name drop. These are not names I ever want to say out loud, and I've been told I have to for this podcast. Yeah, well, that's enough because I have to save some stuff so yeah we'll save some stuff so um but you did have a very there's some things that i can't wait to talk about of your upbringing with staying at your grandparents that i think is oh it's so different and so bizarre and it's so much fun to just unpack oh yeah i've i, yeah, I've seen, I saw shit as a child

that no child should see, and honestly, just on like a psychedelic level. So, Ashley Johnson, who am you anyway? Who am I? Who am me? I, you know, just a normal woman. We're all in trouble. Yeah. We're all in trouble. Yeah, we're all in trouble. I am mostly from Los Angeles as well.

Lived in Michigan for a little part of my life. Franklin, the town that time forgot. So I'm a little bit of a Michigander. Sometimes the accent comes out. The accent. Like sometimes, like if I get around people from Michigan

and all my O's become A's and it's just terrible. But mostly from Los Angeles. And when we moved out here,

my family, we lived on a sailboat for three years. Very small, only 38 foot sailboat. And it was the best. This explains a i'm i had no idea

yeah we yeah my my my my dad's side of the family there's a lot of sailors so we always on the water so we grew up grew up on the water um and then during that time i I mean, I started acting when we came out to Los Angeles just kind of as an accident and then just kept doing it. But during that period, there were times where, you know, I wanted to feel like I was never forced into it. And I think you and I both I think that's why we kind of turned out OK. My parents were practically against it. Yeah. Yeah. Same with mine, where it was like, well, I mean, you're a kid.

Should they be working? But they seem to be enjoying it. And I don't know. I look back on it now, and I'm so, I'm thankful for that time. But it was a very different time of being a child actor in the industry than it is now. Oh, I can't... Because there was some shit that I know that we both saw where it was like,

that's gonna, that caused some trauma for later. I'm glad no one had the ability to take a photograph with their camera back. That would be, that was my thought was, I'm glad that portable cameras aren't really a thing other than Polaroids. And, thankfully, I only have a few of those. Oh, God. Yeah, so we, mostly Los Angeles.

And then I just kept doing, I just kept acting. But I really feel like I didn't really start to love it and love the craft of it until maybe i was like 16 which is still pretty young i mean i was working consistently as a kid and was just kind of what life was but um yeah that's interesting because like that's around the age i peaced out. I know. And I feel like we've talked about this where you were like, I'm done. Yeah. Why is that? I had an audition. So as a child actor, we should probably, you spend most of your time going to auditions.

And so honestly, almost every day, nearly every day, if I was in school immediately after school or right before school ended, my parents would come pick me up. I would go straight to an audition. That would be my next two hours. Three hours would be auditioning for commercials, television shows, whatever. So it kind of cut into social time, which is one of the reasons why I didn't get close to any of those people. Yeah. Those children. Those children.

Those children. I don't know where most of them are. They. Those, those children, even those children, I don't know, or where most of them are. They don't know me. And you do that. And then, like once or twice a year, maybe more, depending on how well you're doing. If you do it twice a year, you're doing well, you book something, you know, decent, and then you vanish for two years onto a sitcom or six months onto a film or three days or one day onto a commercial. So that day I had an audition that I had to go to for Baywatch. Oh, shit. It was Baywatch.

What season? Who knows? Was it already on the air? Yeah, it was already on the air. It was an episodic, and the sides were a level of terrible. I did not even know how to contemplate. I did not know what children sounded like, and even I knew this was monstrously bad writing and that no child sounded like this.

It was absolutely terrible. Even as a kid, you were like, this writing like this. It was absolutely terrible. It was a whole... Even as a kid, you were like, -"This writing is terrible!" -"I was giggling. I couldn't stop laughing at it. I couldn't get through it at all. And I was trying to prepare with my dad, and I would, I just kept snickering

because it was so terrible. And he finally, he didn't yell, he wasn't a yeller, but he got frustrated and basically in his very strange way said, wow, you know, if you can't take this seriously, maybe you shouldn't be doing it. And I had an epiphany at that moment. I'm like, oh my God, you're right. There are going to be kids in that room who want this. Yeah.

And this is disrespectful. I'm out. Call my agent. I'm done is disrespectful. I'm out. Call my agent. I'm done. Wow. I'm done. You quit everything that day. Yeah.

That was just like... That was it. I shouldn't be in there if I can't take this seriously. But then you started voice acting. Oh, much later. Much later. Yeah. Because you still had the itch to perform.

I... Do you like performing? I do. It's everything else I hate. Do you like performing? I do. It's everything else I hate. Yeah. Okay. I get that. Including the haircut and the maintaining a physical form.

Yeah. The auditioning is awful. Occasionally booking a terrible thing is terrible. Yeah. Yeah. And then it was just I kind of wanted to know what real life was like. So I'm like, I'm about to start high school. I'm just going to go to high school or some version of it.

I felt I made a terrible mistake pretty quickly. It was just its own trauma. Yeah, but you got to go to high school. I didn't get to go to high school. I know. And I feel like everybody has that reaction where they're like, oh, you dodged a bullet. But I also feel like... Mine was really bad.

Yours was really bad. I feel like mine would have been bad too. Because at that time, I was... I didn't really come into my own yet. Yeah, I feel like high school probably would have been terrible for me. But I still wish I would have had that experience. I get it. Because, like, I didn't go to prom.

You went to prom, and we have your lovely prom photo over here, which I think we should try to get out of there at one point. We'll get around to it, yeah. And that was a whole, like, weird breakdown of reality that got there. But, like, that was until I got into voiceover, because I got into anime, and then anime led the vo and um just because i had opinions because you know i was a performer once but i i often think about what life would have been like if i had continued um and who knows um but you kept going why well? I say why, but...

I know. It's such a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag. And I think there are times where I feel like when you're an actor, you're sort of at the mercy of a production, a writer writer a director you kind of sometimes have to do jobs that you like you're saying you are not necessarily into not everybody some people get lucky and they're just like have awesome i dodged a couple projects that they get to do yeah you can yeah yeah um but i i think i worked with i feel like I know when it really changed for me. I worked on, this feels funny to like talk about ourselves in this way, but I mean, whatever.

I worked on a movie called, I might have been a little older then, I guess, when this kind of hit me. I worked on a movie called Fast Food Nation. And the director was Richard Linklater. And we did a rehearsal process that was about two weeks prior to filming. And I had never done anything like that before. And I think it was so collaborative and so just, we were just in a little office space in Los Angeles and just crammed into a tiny room. And we just, like Linklater's approach was like, well, who are you?

Talk to me. What do you like? What are the things you're into? And let's infuse that into the character." And it was such a foreign concept to me, where I was like, wait, it can be like this? And I think it was such a cool experience, and it was such a laid-back set, like, and I think because he'd worked

with all the same people and all the same crew, it was just like such a well-oiled machine, and it was just, it was, it was cool to see at an age in my life where I was like, oh, this can be done. You can do this, and you can make movies, and you can make your art in a really, in a cool way. And I think prior to that,

it was always a coin toss of whether it was going to be a fun set or a bad set or you know it didn't it finally felt creative in a way that i think i was yearning for um but you know and since then i've had some jobs that you you that you know i've had jobs that i love and i have i've had jobs that i that i didn't love as much as the other ones jobs that you take and jobs that you take yeah um but yeah it's a it's a weird strange world and i i i think on top of that um we both did sitcom which is interesting we both sitcom, which is why I'm gonna just talk about this set for a second.

Go ahead. And I love that this set kind of looks like a sitcom set. Yes! And these are... We have filled the set with trinkets and things that we both love and that we, um... I guess, maybe not cherished, but things that we liked as a kid or things that we collect now,

or things that we're super into. It's hard not to be nostalgic when so much weird, when you had so many bizarre things happen to you. Yeah. Because, yeah, I miss three or four of the people I used to be. Yeah, God, we're... They were fascinating.

Yeah. I feel that were fascinating. Yeah. I feel that really hard. I was a precocious 11-year-old, and now I haven't really evolved enough to be anything but kind of an idiot 40-something. It's just kind of, yeah. I mean, the person changes, but the ability to function has not really improved. Yeah.

I feel the same. I feel the same. Yeah, and it is odd. And finding that line between art and working and... It's hard. It's hard to find that little sweet spot of like, how to be a creator, and then, but also... the business side of things, or like, how to be a creator and then, but also the business side of things or like how to, it's hard. And 11 years old. And 11 years old. Which is, again, I hope that this is as horrifying for everybody else

as it was for us. I was kind of aware of it. You were? Oh, I was surrounded by, I didn't, I barely knew anybody who wasn't in the industry. Like, because all I knew were my grandparents friends and all of them everybody worked in the end all my family was in the industry it's kind of we didn't have much else to talk about yeah it just becomes your

your life I mean that was every it's it's it's all encompassing and I like I would have a creative writing project for seventh grade or sixth grade that I had to write foring. And I would have a creative writing project for seventh grade or sixth grade that I had to write for English class, and I would write it, and inevitably three people who have written films would look at it and go, okay, here are your pro-

and start redlining. No way. And they're like, the narrative is broken. This dialogue is crap. They couldn't help it? They couldn't. They also, I think they delighted in seeing me just get the right amount of irritated.

Do you feel like there was a little bit of, which I feel like some people in, like, if they've been in the industry for a really long time, there's a bit of a chip on your shoulder where you're like, no, you got to work for it. You got to earn your way up here. And so maybe when you were a kid writing it, they were like, no, no, no, here it. You got to earn your way up here. And so maybe when you were a kid writing it, they were like, no, no, no, here. We're going to give you some of the hard knocks. I had respect for the people who were kicking me around a bit and they did it with love.

We are one of those families where we show love by being kind of awful to each other in ways that you can only do to someone you know intimately. Yes. And it was how we expressed love. And, you know, trying to think, my grandfather, I don't even remember who he was talking to,

but someone came over for lunch and he was like, I hear you're very talented and I'm so happy that I'm old enough that I don't give a shit anymore. Yeah, that's... We were talking about actors at the table. We all had to raise our hands before we went further to remind everybody that we were talking about an actor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just to make it, okay, these are broken people. Yeah. And having that, yeah, definitely. And I was very serious. You were a serious kid? being a problem i didn't like making a fuss i liked being funny and i like being funny to adults and and not in uh slapstick ways man and i i think that's something that you and i talk about a lot of the sort of i guess issues that you can have as a grown-up after being a child actor because you get really used to people-pleasing and sort of like I'm pretty good at taking direction

but I think to a fault to where it's just like, oh yeah, I'll do exactly what needs to be done. But, you know, as you get older, that doesn't really help you a lot. No. To sort of, it's hard to speak up for yourself. I have a harder time advocating for myself. Deeply.

Oh, my God. It's embarrassing. Like, especially if I'm on a downslope, I am incapable of expressing any opinion at anybody. Yeah. You're like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I will just do what know new people obviously because I grew up they're still younger than the people I knew when I was nine like I still don't know people who were the age of the people that I was talking to when I was a kid that's wild it freaks me out yeah and like several times a year I like I see an obituary I was like oh wow I should I should have really sent an email while it was an option. Damn.

Fuck. I have a little bit of a, because I keep getting distracted by a picture over here that I'm going to grab. Please. So I, okay. Do you want me to grab a thing? Okay, yeah. Grab that photo right there. This one right here?

This unbelievably... So to give you more lore of why I'm so a little fucked up... Well, paint a picture for the people who cannot see. So I was Miss Junior Michigan, not to brag. And... It'd be hard to. I'm a winner, baby. I don't know how old I was, but this was in Michigan.

Early 20s. I don't know how I ended up in pageants, but I did. And it was a very brief period of my life, and I would not recommend it. So, I mean, there are wonderful punk songs about how no one should be involved in a child pageant. Oh. Yeah. I never knew that there would be a involved in a child pageant. Oh. Yeah. I never knew that there would be a punk song about child pageants. The Dead Milkman, Don't Trust the Happy.

Great. Is a good one. Wow. This is, just to paint the picture. You should not trust the happy. This looks like, definitely like a rented ballroom. Yes. There's a little bit of that fake Greek white marble, which is clearly not actually marble. Pillars in the background.

You are holding, you are maybe three feet in this picture at best. Maybe. With the tiara. Yeah. In a blue dress. It's still, is this blue to you? It's light, like it's powder blue. This is silver.

Okay. This was a gorgeous gorgeous shiny silver with sequence the photo is a little is is is not i feel like that the the color could be boosted it could be a little boosted no no but uh yeah and you have uh very curly hair going into this um i did a smile that that is creeping into the eyes but the eyes are fighting it very powerfully um and the trophy comes up to your shoulder yeah i so so to and i feel like this is a the so when i for some reason got into pageants um it was very brief period of my life maybe a year or two but i did end up winning winning in the end which is very cool.

I wish I still had that trophy. I was going to ask if you still had the trophy. But the first pageant that I was in, and I feel like this should have been an indication to my family that I would get nervous on stage. There was a portion where they asked questions, and I peed on the stage because I was nervous. What question did they ask? And was that an appropriate answer? He asked me, he was like, do you know who George Bush is?

Oh, no. And I said, yes, he's a small tree. And I peed. I peed on the stage and I just remember looking down and backing up a little bit and seeing that I peed on the stage and i just remember looking down and like backing up a little bit and seeing that i peed and i remember the guy's face because he looks down and he saw it too and then just went to the next little girl and asked her a question i so i don't i don't know if i was like meant for performing but i worked it out.

You know, I work hard. I mean... I work hard to overcome. This bladder control seems to not be an issue anymore unless you're dealing with it. Oh, no, it still is. Okay. When I get nervous, I start wiggling

because I feel like I have to pee. I just assumed... That's what I did before we started this. Yeah, your legs are falling asleep. That's good to know. No, I will pee... This is riveting. I will hear it.

I will pee like up until the last minute of performing. You're right. And somehow a little bit will still show itself up in the bladder. And I'm like, God, why? It's nerves. Nerves are weird. Yeah, you are usually almost the last one, if not the last one. Yeah, performing nerves have never gone away for me. Well, I definitely still have nerves as well.

I mean, we were both terrified of everything we will ever say. And then I got a tremor when I started after I had quit, which I can... How old were you? I was about 16 or 15, and they said it would just get worse the older I got. And they were not wrong. And I do remember a doctor when I was like 17 saying, just have like some, like a gin and tonic or something. It'll take the edge off. And I was like, you're either the best or worst doctor I've ever spoken to. That's kind of amazing. I mean, does it work? It helps. Although I have other things that help a bit more.

But I'm too lazy to take pills that do nothing but just make my life slightly easier on occasion. I'm the same way. Yeah. I'll take the stuff I have to, but if it's optional, I'm just... I just... I understand. I just keep going. But just in case everyone's nervous that I like haven't eaten in three days this is normal yeah it's just what we that's it's a part of you that i love oh thank you it it definitely makes

doing on camera stuff unless i'm you know on a bunch of these pills that don't like almost impossible because you need your hands to not do this you need your hands. Yeah. I hope as well. Well, it's so crazy because I feel like we haven't been talking very... It doesn't feel like we've been talking long. But I feel like there is something that before we are finished, I would love for us to... This is going to be changing a little bit. The show, it's going to be a little bit loosey-goosey. We're going to figure out what this is going to be changing a little bit. The show, it's going to be a little bit loosey-goosey. We're going to figure out what this is.

We're going to do some fun stuff. Yeah, and this is more of an introduction to us. This is not what we're going to be talking about all the time or anything. It is more coming from the perspective of who we are now after all of this happened and kind of the ways that we have adapted to our damage and maybe the ways that we have adapted to our damage might help others find ways of delighting themselves when they find themselves older

in the twilight of their ability to pretend that they're old and not really mean it, as opposed to going, oh, no, things break and they don't get better anymore. Yeah. Yeah. We have, as a little surprise, we're going to take a trip back to our childhoods

and show some old commercials that we were in um because you know you can't get enough of an 80s commercial and commercials are great for us because they're short to the point and like it's its own i'm trying not to pay attention to anything something fell behind you something's haunted clearly i think it's it's haunted like it's its own i'm trying not to pay attention to anything something fell behind you something's haunted clearly i think it's it's haunted because it's next to your prom photo and your prom photo is very cursed i feel like we need to push that up though it's going to drive me crazy that's fair um i will do an intro while you do that you do an intro and i'll fix the set commercials are great because they're very very short um they're very to the point there's usually

a quick gag and we you know haven't found the time or the system yet for watching a 22-minute episode of television or otherwise that we did. And they're always bizarre. So let's do some dueling commercials. You can do one, I'll do the next. And for those of you who are not watching on videos, we will do our best to kind of paint a picture.

This is prime Taliesin right here to me. This is a Rice Krispies commercial that you did? Yeah, it was Strawberry Krispies. Strawberry Krispies. Look at your little face. Look at your little hair. So tell me, do you remember shooting this? Oh, yes.

You do? Not the least of wishes. There were so many camera setups. If you find this, you will notice that there is not a single repeat shot in the whole thing. Every cut to me is always a different angle. Oh, over here. And then we're going to cut in a second, and then you'll see. Why did they do that? It must have taken forever to shoot. Oh, over here. And then we're going to cut in a second and then you'll see. Oh, why did they do that? So it must have taken forever to shoot.

I don't know. I genuinely don't understand what this man was thinking. Also, that suit was a weird mix of comfortable and uncomfortable. Really? And then the girl who was in the corn suit, who you can see on stage there, actually threw up in the corn suit. And so it's not moving because they had to stand it up on like a mop because she got... She threw up in the suit? Yeah, and they had to take her away. Like opened it up and just...

Oh, she was... It was a giant like foam column. Nobody should be in that thing. It was... It looked horrifying. But yeah, they had to take her away and I felt bad. But that's why the corn isn't moving there is because it's just on a stick. Uh, and smells terrible. Did you enjoy eating?

Because I always felt like whenever I did a commercial where I got to eat something, I was like, this is the best day of my life. I mean, that stuff was really good. Although, like, the, again, like, they did the glue thing for the one that's actually shot where instead of milk, they just used, like, white glue, so it wouldn't melt under the camera.

They would use glue? They used glue so that it, they just use like white glue so it wouldn't melt under the camera. They would use glue? They used glue so that they could take like a dozen shots of it and it wouldn't get soggy. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense. I tried really hard not to eat a ton because then they would have to reset the cereal

if I ate too much every time. And you were a good boy. And I was a good boy. I was here to work. I'm aware. And I can't believe this certainly haunts me to this day. I can't believe this. Can you give it to us?

I can't believe it. I've got to be. Yeah, that's not even a very good. Even now I'm embarrassed by that line reading. I could do better. We, some friends of ours, we call you the baby strawberry goth. Yeah, strawberry goth is definitely your vibe. I've been trying to buy more strawberry goth, like, I'm going to lean into it.

There's nothing else to do. As you should. Yeah, once people pick a nickname, lean into it, no matter how weird it is. Yeah, it feels good. It feels good. Yeah, and like the only other thing I can remember about this, other than I actually like the suit, I wish I still had it, was they gave me a lifetime supply of Strawberry Krispies. That's wild. So are you still getting them in the mail?

Well, man, that'd be great. No, it wasn't actually a lifetime supply. It was just a very, very... Like 10 boxes? Oh, 30 boxes. It was a lot of boxes. And I ate it not quite every day, but an awful lot. And I got through it in about a year and change.

And literally as the last box was being eaten, I discovered that they had taken it off the market because it was causing cancer. It was a red dye number five. And being the kid I was, it was a spoon in my mouth going i'm going to die i was at the table there was like back when you would have a tv at the on the kitchen table i'm like oh god that's another thing that you and i both connect on is health stuff where if anything's wrong we're like well i'm gonna die oh yeah that's sure for sure gonna happen to me. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I was taking spirulina shakes by the time I was 13. Yeah, it was bad.

Oh, my God. So after the last box, but what if, would you still, why wouldn't they just switch it over to regular Rice Krispies then? To give you for your lifetime supply. I think they just assumed I would die soon, so it hardly mattered. Who owns Rice Krispies? Kellogg's? I say we write to Kellogg's and say, hey, I did a commercial when I was a kid.

I was promised a lifetime supply. Where is it? I want the Strawberry Krispies. I think they changed. They have a new red dye. It took a while, and so I want... Honestly, I still like Strawberry Krispies quite a bit. I've never tried Strawberry Rice Krisp dye. It took a while. And I, so I want, that's honestly, I still like strawberry crispies quite a bit. I've never tried strawberry rice crispies.

It's exactly what you would hope for, which is like someone took rice crispies and then like dunked a strawberry shortcake doll in it and like stirred it for three, three days. It's amazing. Oh, that sounds delicious. It's really good. Give it to me now. Strawberry milk too. You can go, that actually, that was overboard. I did try it once and it didn't now. Strawberry milk, too. You can go. Actually, that was overboard. I did try it once, and it didn't work. Strawberry milk? With strawberry crispies at some point. You could do chocolate milk, and then you got the chocolate strawberry, but cereal is a science.

Cereal is a science, and I just had cereal the other night, and it was so fucking good. We're going to have to delve into that at some point. We will. We're going to do a cereal episode at some point. Cereal boxes, cereal killers. I did have Fruity Pebbles and milk in a bowl and it was so,

it was so good. I'm going to have to, yeah. What else we got? I want to see some of your shame. All right, let's see some of my shame.

This is a commercial for a toy, a little disturbing, called Baby Bundle, I think. Oh my God. Is that backpack likele, I think. Oh my god. Is that backpack trying to get out? Oh my god.

The child is banging on... Okay. So it's just like, hey, don't you want to have kids? Don't you want to be a good little wife? That is to be fair. Sit in your kitchen and have a kid. Okay, so this is like... I can't remember a Bjjorn that those like those like

a little bjorn with the weird stork that was also looked like the pickle guys did look like the pickle pickle stork maybe he needed a side job you know acting doesn't always pay the bill it doesn't always pay the bill you take that you take the job you can get you really do he's like i can be a stork for cartoon stork yeah and so it's it's like a it's it's like a bag and you put a baby doll in it and then the doll tries to like it can like actually it feels like it's kicking the front of the bag because it wants to get out yeah it wants to get out so it's like trying to to to to make it feel like it's a pregnant belly which is why it's kicking oh is that why but then you open it up and it's like i but you had the baby it's a full-grown child.

I thought it was because the baby was annoying and you were, like, trying to, like... Close it up? To make it sleep. Shh! And it was just trying to get out. I didn't know that this was, like, a fake pregnancy bag. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep.

Shh! So, what... I think. I don't know. I don't really understand it. Well, then the baby's wearing a headband. That could mean anything. I mean, yeah, it could Well, the baby's wearing a headband. That could mean anything. I mean, yeah, it could mean anything. Hey, headbands are... The baby needs a swatch, considering what year this was.

Yeah. So was the bag kicking, or was the baby kicking in the bag? I have to kind of know. Or do you not know? I don't remember. Bundle baby, my bundle baby. That's horrifying. Thank you. And yeah, you're wearing 80s toy child clothing.

Your hair is like this big curly mop. My hair was very curly. My hair was very curly. You've got a very sitcom vibe. And I think also, I do have a very sitcom vibe. But I think people in that era loved it because they were like, oh, it's like a little Shirley Temple. So they tried to make me like a baby for a long time. Yeah.

That caused a lot of problems. Yeah. I had that. Yeah. The weird blonde. Like, yeah, I played much younger than I should have for way too long. They always do that. I was also I was well behaved enough that they're like, oh, it's practically like hiring an adult, which, because I didn't cause, I've watched so many other kids cause issues.

And I'm like, I'm fine here. I don't know what their problem is. This is work. It made me mildly beloved for a while. I mean, okay, we got to watch another one. Yeah, okay, let's bring another one up. This one's classic. This is a Coca-Cola commercial. It was a Coca-Cola commercial. Feel free. You is a Coca-Cola commercial?

It was a Coca-Cola commercial. Feel free. You did a Coca-Cola commercial? Oh, boy. This was like a whole deal. This was a cool one, too, though. It was very Close Encounters. And I think actually people from Close Encounters were involved, if I recall.

Oh, really? That's also all inside a warehouse. None of this was shot outdoors. Really? Oh, it's an airplane hangar. Well, the cinematography is gorgeous on this. Thank you. Yeah.

I wonder who it was. I don't remember, but I remember it being important or interesting. Look at you. And getting that Coca-Cola bottle to fall with the Coke logo up apparently was driving everyone insane. Just took a while. The fake sand was great. And you can see, it's not a real backdrop. But it's great. Yeah. It Just took a while. The fake sand was great. And like, you can see, it's like a, it's like not a real backdrop.

But it's great. Yeah. It's such a vibe. I loved being in a warehouse. I remember this commercial. Really? Yeah, I do. It was, yeah.

Which is gonna be fun watching through some of these because I'm gonna be like, oh my God, I watched that and I didn't know it was you because we didn't know each other yet.

They also, this was apparently a dueling commercial with Pepsi. Like, this was like a retort, if I recall. Yeah, because Pepsi's in it. Yeah, this was apparently a dueling commercial with Pepsi. Like, this was like a retort, if I recall. Yeah, because Pepsi's in it. Yeah, there was. How was that allowed?

I don't know. It was the 80s. And they actually call me by my real name in this one, too, which is interesting. They do? Yeah, the mom yells TJ

because I don't think they thought that far ahead. TJ! Yeah. Dialogue was definitely not high on the priority here god but yeah i did a coke commercial sizzling little there's a mcdonald's commercial somewhere there's a there's a there's a there's a like uh insurance commercial with a lion where i have to sit on a on a on a couch

with my family where there's a lion in front. They just brought a lion in. You showed me pictures of that. That I can't wait to see. For the audition, they had you sit with a kangaroo because they couldn't get a lion. Oh? Yeah. That's very different from a lion. I felt that.

I was definitely why. Now, thinking back, I think they just wanted to make sure you weren't going to mess with an animal. But apparently, all they could get was a kangaroo. That's so funny. We need a lion. We only have a kangaroo. I'll take it.

Okay, we'll take the kangaroo. Yeah. What a bizarre. There's probably some insurance reasons why you can't have auditions with a lion. Yeah, but kangaroos are mean. I think it was the appropriate level. Sure. I did get kicked by a goat on a show.

Anyway, that's for later. I can't wait to get into working with animals. Working with animals is a whole thing. Because you taught me something about dolphins, which I'm very excited to get into. I worked with dolphins, too. Because I am. That goat was mean. Sorry.

I think last up we have is a Duncan Hines commercial. What? Oh, my God. What are you thinking? No, no, no. You have a voice here. I sound like... It sounds like when you let a little bit of air come out of a balloon.

You did the weird giggle shake here where you're trying not to move too much. When Sedla's a kid, it vibrates. Yes. You've seen that? That was amazing. My problem was I really loved sugar. I still do. That's fair. And so anytime there was like a commercial for food, especially like a sweet, especially a brownie.

Oh, my God. Couldn't be happier. So that was probably very genuine of like, I'm going to get to eat the butter. I have bad teeth. So they wouldn't wouldn't. I didn't do a lot of I had or like bad teeth teeth for, they're very big on good teeth for trigger things. Did you ever have to wear a flipper? Yeah.

So if you don't know what flippers are. Explain what a flipper is. Flippers are things that if you were a child actor in this time. That's right, because normal kids didn't get these. I totally forgot. So they have, like if your teeth came out, because you're a normal child whose teeth come out, they would make you fake dentures to wear. And it would be just like, it was like a retainer,

but with teeth and everything I was on. Just one tooth that would pop in. Because you had to have a perfect set of teeth on everything. I lost a tooth on a bagel in the middle of a shoot of a film and so they had to make me one for the film because that would have

been a problem. Damn. Having a tooth randomly disappear mid-show of the film. Yeah, because you've got to

have the consistency. Yeah. Of course, the continuity as well is hard, but... I got fired from a peanut butter

commercial too for having bad teeth. I remember that. Really? Yeah, like literally, I don't remember who, I think it might have been I got fired from a peanut butter commercial too for having bad teeth. I remember that. Yeah. Like literally, I don't remember who it was. I think it might have been the director like literally put her like grab my face and like opened up my mouth and said, not this one. Get it out of there.

Get them out of here. And without eye contact, I was like, I get paid anyway. Whatever. Motherfucker. Take my money and go home. Not this one. Get this one. Get this one out. Literally, literally, I don't even know who she was speaking to after, like, gross.

Jesus. You don't know where this mouth has been. Wash your hands. Yeah. Well, I mean, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like we did pretty good. I mean, I don't know how long we've been talking, but I feel like, I feel like we did pretty good. I mean, I don't know how long we've been talking, but I feel like there was sort of a good maybe introduction. There's still so much more,

but I feel like that was a good start. And I'm curious. We'll get eventually into your transition from child actor to actor, and I definitely am excited about the various nervous breakdowns that led to all sorts of weird adventures that oh god there's so many teenager moving into young adulthood or whatever that was and yeah wonderfully bad decisions and well they all worked out i suppose

i'm they worked out well enough that i have achieved the 21st century dream of being on a podcast we finally did it all downhill from here We finally did it. All downhill from here. We finally did it. We finally achieved everything we've ever wanted, which was a podcast. Well, this was great, Taliesin. I like hanging out with you. I like hanging out with you, too. It's fun that we get to do... This is helping us hang out more.

I know. We have said for years we should really monetize and attempt to hang out because otherwise we'll never leave our homes. That's so sad. That's so sad. Sad but true. But we will be doing some field trips. Yeah. Field trips are important.

Field trips are important. We have some things that we've already done that we're going to talk about and some other stuff that we have on the books. And, I mean, now that we have this and we have this lovely set, and I'm sure we'll be trading out things and maybe talking about things on occasion. I mean, like, do we have, I don't know, do we do we do like music or do we say something or how do we need to end this somehow? I feel like we need a theme song. I'm I'm bad at writing music. I am too. I feel like we should sing.

Well, you can sing too. Well, but I feel like I feel like I feel like we should get somebody to write an amazing theme song for us weird kids. And I feel like we know just the person, Taliesin. Sam Riegel? Who are we going to get? Dave Heatwave. You can't get Dave Heatwave. Well, we could certainly try.

Listen, I'm going to write him a letter, and I'm going to just see if maybe, just maybe he will write us a theme song. An email or a letter? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to write a letter to Dave Heatwave right in this moment. Definitely didn't write this prior to this. Better you than me.

It would freak me out. All right. Let me just get my pencil ready. If you don't know who Dave Heatwave is, by the way, I don't know what's wrong with you. And just Google that. That's just weird. You should know. That's ridiculous. Dear Mr. Dave Heatwave, Ashley, Suzanne, and Taliesin Armstrong here. Yeah, yeah. That's your middle name, right? Yeah.

I heard your music through the sound waves traveling through the cosmos and it pleased the holes in my ears. I don't even know where you are on this earth or if you even reside in this here

Virgo supercluster. But please, we need your help. I am requesting your assistance wherever you are. Can you please make us a theme song? An anthem, if you will. for the strange kids the anxiety riddles the the awkward and the insecure the misunderstood the wallflowers the melancholic lonely loners the weird kids that grew up and are still weird this needs a stand-up base carry on thank you dave heatwave, we need your help. We will await your response. Ashley and Taliesin? Yeah, no, I'm in on that. That was amazing.

I'm going to send this off. And it's going to make its way to Dave, and we'll see what he does. I'm excited. This is, this is, that's quite a letter. I'm going to put it in an envelope and send it to him for sure, and we're going to see if he will write us back. I have some fancy stamps.

We will, we can do that. Great. They're super fancy. Great. Well, this has been fun. This has been fun. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot, too. Yeah, this has been great. I can't wait've learned a lot I've learned a lot too

yeah this has been great I can't wait to learn more finally talk about this yeah we did it alright well hey

at some point we'll find a sign off here but thanks for sitting with us at our table see you next time see you next time

bye bye See you next time. See you next time. Bye. Bye. you you you you you you you you you you and Taliesin Jaffe.