Critical Role - Welcome, Campers! | Wildemount Wildlings Episode 1 Part 1

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

Part 1 of Episode 1 It's the last day at Veth Brenatto's adventure camp, but with four campers lacking merit badges, Veth calls in a couple friends to teach some camp spirit...   BEACONWe’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord. YOUTUBE MEMBERS / TWITCH SUBSCRIBERSTwitch Subscribers and YouTube Members gain instant access to VODs of our shows, moderated live chats, and custom emojis & badges:https://www.youtube.com/criticalrole/joinhttps://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole   Due to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode.Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources 

Hey there, Critical Role podcast listeners. We have a special new membership service at beacon.tv, where you can get early access to all new podcast episodes, including Critical Role for the first time ever. Beacon members also get things like event pre-sales, merch discounts, access to a private community Discord, and new exclusive series like Critical Role Cooldown, where we riff after the show.

Think of it as our digital Critical Role land. Head on over to beacon.tv to check it out for yourself and start a seven-day free trial. Thank you so, so much for your support, for being a podcast listener, and for being a part of our community. Hey there, critters. We are so excited to share with you our brand new podcast from the world of Exandria, The Re-Slayer's Take.

In this audio adventure, you'll be guided through the wild continent of Isilra, home to some of the most dangerous creatures. Here, the Slayer's Take is the most notorious monster hunting group in the realm. But when previously slain creatures start returning from the grave, it's up to six misfit mercenaries to band together and re-slay these supernatural threats as the Re-Slayer's Take. So come follow along these audio escapades as the second coolest monster hunters this side of Exandria

battle a growing undead army of dangerous creatures. The party is led by a duo of game masters, George Primavera and Nick Williams, with the main cast

including Jasmine Bular, Caroline Lux, and Jasmine Shion. Listen to new episodes every Monday anywhere you stream podcasts, or become a Beacon member and listen to the podcast two weeks early and uninterrupted by ads. Hey there, campers! It's Game Master Sam Riegel, and welcome to our new miniseries, Wildmount Wildlings. In this three-part adventure, we're making our way

to Exandria's premier sleepaway camp for aspiring adventurers and following the antics of four angsty teen campers and their camp counselors, Beauregard Lionette and Yasha Nydorin. New episodes of Wildmount Wildlings air on Thursdays at 6 p.m. Pacific on Beacon, Twitch, and YouTube, with the VOD uploaded to YouTube on the following mondays at noon prefer your adventures in audio form well the podcast version arrives here on the critical role podcast network with a one-week delay from the original broadcast you're listening to part one of this episode right now and part two will be available this upcoming tuesday if you want instant access to podcast content and an ad-free listening experience, check out Beacon and get access to the full audio version right when it airs at 6 p.m. Pacific on Thursdays.

Plus, you can also check out our Beacon-exclusive show, Critical Role Cooldown, and experience the cast's post-show reactions to each episode. Well, that should cover it. Now let's wild out and get this adventure started. Hello! Wait, which camera do I look at? It's too late! I'm Sam Riegel. Welcome to the Wild Mount Wildlings.

I will be your GM for the next three shows as I take you on an adventure in a summer camp. Ashley, you're here to promote merch, apparently. Oh, hello! Yay! Yeah, that was good. So she does it. New Exandrian fashion has arrived. Check out this Vox Machina collection.

Vaxildan sleeveless hooded cardigan. What are you doing? Oh, wow. That is cool. This is cool. Oh, it's back. Wait, is this the old one? That is cool. This is cool. Oh, it's back. Wait, is this the old one? No, this is a new one.

No, it's like a sleeveless, it's like a mat vest. Oh, that's cool. Oh, the back features a large print beneath the hood of a raven skull, a snake, and three daggers with, I'm so bad at this, with gold foil details. Oh, look at them right there.

It's available now in all Critical Role shops. Thanks, Ashley. Marisha, do you have something that you want to talk about? I do. You see, our friends at Universe has recently released two new Critical Role starter decks featuring Percy and Beau. That's me.

With all new art-filled cards. I just kicked something. Pick these up along with beautiful play mats on the U.S. Critical Role store and your local game stores or at uvsgames.com slash shop. Wow, you guys are doing so many announcements. We are! I'm done.

I don't do announcements. No, no, and usually there's eight of us here to share. Yeah, you have another one. Ashley, tell us more. There is a new Critical Role-themed conco share. Yeah, you have another one. Ashley, tell us more. There is a new Critical Role themed concoction. Oh, this one's good. I mean, the other ones are good, too. No.

This is celebrating our 10-year anniversary from our friends at Quests End. Whitestone Courage is a limited run, super premium American single malt single whiskey and Whitestone Courage is a limited run, super premium American single malt whiskey inspired, oh no. It's gone now. Inspired by the French excellence.

Inspired by the legendary libation from the DiRolo family distillery. Whitestone Courage is a limited run, so here we go. Super premium American single malt whiskey inspired by the legendary libation from the DiRolo family distillery. Get yours while they're on sale right now at WhitestoneCourage.com.

Did you, you tasted this once, right Marisha? I did, we all did. Oh, I wasn't there that day. I don't think you were there that day, but we all tasted it, yeah. Look at this bubba. We all made sure that we were happy with it. They bring in their mixologists.

What's also really cool about this one is it comes with a journal where all the founders wrote little reflective thoughts about what courage means to us. And there's space in there where you can also add to it and build either with your party or if someone, if you lose somebody, if someone doesn't make all their death saving throws, they can like.

In the game, in the game. Or real life. Oh boy. I don't know your life, I don't know. Shit's bad, okay? Pour one out. Pour one out, anyway, it's really cool, it's really cool. And you can just read us wax poetically about the courage.

Well thanks for bringing us down, and I think that's it for announcements. It's time to get into this episode of Critical Role. Everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for helping me out. I am doing a show called Wild Mount Wildlings. It's about campers who go on adventures. And I need your help to pitch ideas for monsters,

traps, potions, weapons, all sorts of stuff. So if we're all ready... Wait, are we gonna be the players? You're not gonna be the players, but you are gonna help me with these wonderful ideas, so let's get started. Can you go around the table and just quickly introduce yourself? Hello, my name is Cash Cole. Very good. Next. Hello, my name is Catchful. Very good, next. Yo, my name is Greta. Yeah.

Hello, my name is Maxis. Uh-huh, and then over there. Hi, my name is Allen. Say that, do that one again. Hi, my name is Allen. Uh-huh. Hello, my name is Marlo. Oh, hi, I'm Penny.

Hi, I'm Ronan. Yeah, you are. And I'm Sam. You don't have to. What? You don't have to say that. So it's like everyone else. Okay, yeah, you're right. Okay, so here's what I need from you guys.

The campers are going to be attacked by a monster early on in the show, and I need to know what that monster is. So, does anyone have any ideas? Alan, your hand was up first. What do you got? Okay, well I actually drew an example here. You drew one? Yes.

Okay, please tell me about your monster. Okay, I have no idea what it's called yet, but it's a flying pig, okay? It's got talons, so it can pick up multiple people or scratch them. It has four rows of teeth, OK? Uh-huh. And it shoots acid sparkles from its eyes.

Acid sparkles? So if you get hit with the sparkles, then your skin melts off. OK, I love it. It's a nice idea. My idea is that it breathes smoky fire out of its mouth. And smoky fire, OK. This is good.

This is good. If it walks, does it have normal pig feet or does it have any different kind of feet? Oh, I want chicken feet. Chicken feet. Huge chicken feet, I assume, or are they tiny? Like, very big. Very big, okay, okay.

Penny, what do you got? Tiny cat paws. Wait, so it's got chicken feet and cat paws? Yeah. On the same it's got chicken feet and cat paws? Yeah. On the same feet or on different feet? It has like a million legs and some of them are giant chicken feet and some of them are tiny cat feet. That's very confusing but I like it.

Alright Greta, any thoughts? It leaves a track in your mind. You're just immediately dumbfounded with depression. Okay so you get like a sense of spookiness or confusion whenever you're around it? No, whenever it steps you feel depression and that's why you feel depression. Okay, so it leaves tracks of depression. That is so metaphysical. I like it.

It makes a sound or a roar or it says something or it sings something. Do you have any ideas? Any ideas? I think maybe it could sound like the sizzle of bacon. The sizzle of bacon, okay. Like. Sure, yeah, it's like a hissing sizzle. I love it, I love it. Kessie, it grabs people.

What does it grab people with? Tongue. A tongue? It stores them inside of its mouth. Inside of its mouth. Okay, great. Last but not least for this guy. Does it have a name? Does it have a... What do you call this creature? Penny. Yub-yub. Yub-yub. No, gub-gub. Gub-gub. Okay, great. That's good. Done. That's one done. Look at this. It's so easy. Okay, great.

Wild! Mount! Wildlings! At Wild, Wild, Wildlings, we learn adventuring. Wizards and warlocks, rangers and scouts. In fields and rivers, we go exploring. And when it's boring, we wild out. We are the Wildlings, yes, the Wildlings, getting in trouble every day. No, we're not troublings, we are the Wildlings, and we don't give a what you say.

Wild out! And we're back! Welcome to the Wildemount Wildlings. I am Sam Riegel, your host for this evening. Before we get started, I wanted to introduce everybody at the table because there's some old faces, sorry. Sorry, not by age.

I think that's true. But there's some new faces as well. So just starting over here, we've got Marisha Ray. Hi. You guys know her. Hi. That's Alex Lee. Hello, my name is Alex Lee. This is my sister, Eden Riegel.

Hello. Hello. It's a family affair. Thank you. Over there is Liebe Verrer. Hi. Brennan Lee Mulligan. Hello. And Ashley Johnson.

Hello. And we're going to be playing a fun little camp game today. So if you guys are ready, we'll just dive right in. Pudding. Yes! Bonbons, fizzy sodas, and all the goat dogs you could dream of

await you at the Wildling Advancement Feast. The Dainty Foot class, the lowest rank at this camp, is graduating up one level to become Threebelows. The mood is festive. It's a beautiful, sunny day at the end of the month of Sindestar. I looked it up. And campers are abuzz as they proudly show off

their merit badges and stand alongside cabin mates, ready to hear a speech from camp director Veth Brenato. Except the four of you, Alex, Eden, Liebe, and Brennan, you guys are miserable. But more on that later. What else is new? Welcome to the Wildemount Wildlings Camp

for adventuring kids. You guys know this camp. You've been here all summer having fun, sure, but also learning all the skills you're going to need to join an adventuring party or become a sword or wand for hire, or maybe someday save the realm from the forces of darkness. Alongside gifted warlocks, fighters, rangers, and bards,

you've been guided by Veth, her husband Yeza, and their expert staff to earn merit badges like Postmodern Necromancy, the Spell Yeah badge in Arcana, Sleight of Handiness, the Brood Awakening badge for potions, and, see brood? And you can even get a badge in Death Saving 101.

But the four of you, Alex, Eden, Liebe, Brennan, you are the Olgas. You did not earn any badges this summer, which is why you were relegated to the Olga cabin. Olga stands for oops, Let's Go Again. You were disgraced, held back, mocked by your peers, shunned by your parents. You failed. Shunned by my parents?

Yes! Good god! Dark! You get no pudding, you lose. These thoughts weigh you down as Veth, the boisterous halfling camp director, concludes her speech. So, congratulations to almost all of you.

And as an extra special treat for our new three belows, we're holding your celebration at the Do Not Hike Trail. At this news, the campers bustle with excitement. Woo! The Do Not Hike Trail is shrouded in mystery and curiosity because, as the name implies, no campers are allowed to hike it. But today, we are going to reveal its tantalizing secrets

when you hear your cabin name called Line Up for Treats, Games, and heck, any magic potion you want to try! At this, Veth's husband, Yeza Bernato, a mousy halfling in spectacles, leaps forward. No, no, no, no, no, no. We will not be willy-nilly drinking magical potions, darling, remember?

That's an insurance liability. Veth sighs, insurance, the bane of my existence. Fine! Instead, each of you can take one weapon out of the armory and do whatever you want with it. Wild out on three, two, one! Wild out! The campers all cheer in unison

and break into the camp song as the counselors lead them out of the Hubbub Hub, which is the camp's central meeting point, to forge down the Do Not Hike Trail. Some of the campers even point and giggle at you on the way out. A tall jock named Drak Winterforge passes by, muttering,

Sorry, Trollgas. Better luck next year. As their joyful singing fades, you are left in silence. Yeza, the husband, heads off to his workshop to finish a new potion. Veth remains behind, her face curling in a solemn expression.

So, obviously none of that applies to you Olgas. I'm told the Quitter Quartet here failed to earn even a single merit badge among you all summer. As she looks across the four of you judgmentally, what is she looking at? Will you please describe yourself? Alex. My name is Kai.

I am a wood half-elf. I've got pointy little ears. My clothes, very fashionable, lots of holes in them. Very cool, I chewed those myself. Or not. You chewed them? Maybe, who knows? I have short, messy white hair,

and yeah, I got a tired look on my face, always. Okay. Tired. Eden, what do you look like? My name is Skullcrusher Bloodforge, but please, please don't call me Skullcrusher. I hate it. I'd rather be known as Skye. So we got a Kai and a Skye.

Kai and a Skye. Yeah. This is going to be great. I'm about two and a half feet tall. Well, I'm two feet eight inches. Those two inches count, you know, if you're being technical. I'm a halfling

and I have a wild red curly hair that I try to tame as best as I can. I tie it up in a bun, get it off my face. I want to do some serious business here, and I got big glasses. If I'm being honest, I don't really need them, but I think they make me look really studious, and I'm here at camp to learn magic, after all.

I'm just so excited to be here. Oh, I'm also pretty buff. I have giant muscles. It's... You do say so. What's your routine here? It's genetic. Oh, okay. I don't do anything.

I just, if I pick up a tray in the cafeteria, they just. And so I've got this flowing blue cave to try to cover him up a bit. And I've got my spell book. I never leave the cabin without it. That's me, I'm Sky. Liebe.

I'm Jessop Nimblethorpe. I'm almost six feet. I'm 5'11", I identify as. I forgot about it. It was a little long. My vibe is generally 1930s inventor, but some would say that it would look very chic if I wasn't so, hadn't grown into myself quite yet, but I have a monocle that is constantly falling out of place that I'm just, I constantly put it back into place. I only have something wrong with this one eye and it's bothersome to have both of my eyes covered. Okay, okay. Amazing.

1930s, by the way, is her zip code. Brennan, what are we looking at? My name is Padmond Pondhop. Padmond. That's my guy. Padmond. I'm Kai's friend. Kai's my closest friend in the camp. I also am happy to be in the Olga cabin

with Skye and Jessop. I am an apprentice wizard and a Bullywug, so I'm a little frog boy, and I have spectacles that, sort of like Chuckie Finster, my eyes fill up the whole glasses. So they're already larger than normal frog eyes, but then they're even magnified by the glasses.

That's almost all you are, Padman. Oh, I think I'm a little shorty. I think I'm a shorty little guy. I think I'm like, half-sized. I think I'm a little shorty guy. think I'm a shorty little guy. I think I'm like halfling sized. I think I'm a little shorty guy. Two feet and six inches or eight inches? I think let's go two foot eight. I'll go.

Same height, same height, wow. Same height, same height. And I was operating under the apprehension that this was an adventure themed summer camp. For children interested in adventure conceptually. And the physical requirements are not what I'm interested in. I thought this would be for enthusiasts of adventuring.

Sure, sure. Not adventurers. And so. Space camp. Yeah. Not going to space. Yeah. I came for a space camp situation and then they're like, launch in five. What? I have been rudely surprised with the level of on-hands training.

That's me. So I'm disappointed in myself, but also I did not know that this would be what this was. Well, disappointment is the theme as Veth looks at you with disappointed eyes. For the four of you, we have slightly a different activity planned for you today. Luc, bring him out!

Huh? Oh, okay, Mom, sure. Luc Bernado, Veth's pimply teenage son, also your cabin counselor, opens a door and invites two muscular women in whom you instantly realize these are Beauregard Lionett and Yasha Nydoran, famed members of the Mighty Nine. Oh, Padme, who are these? This is the Beauregard Lion-Edge,

she's Expositor of the Cobalt Soul, and this is Yasha Nydor, they're members of the Mighty Nein. I also think that there might be an item. I only see two of them. What's that? I only see two of them. You said there's nine of them? Well, that's a very interesting,

so as it happens, nine in this case does not refer to the new rule. Aunt Beau, Aunt Yasha, meet the Olgas, Kai, Skullcrush, sorry, Skye, Padmond, Jessop. Ladies, hello. Can I get your autograph? Oh, sure, yes.

Get it out of the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Veth gives you a side-eye like, You know what? I'm sorry. We are not supposed to sign autographs at the moment, maybe after? Yeah, yeah, we're here on business. I am so sorry.

Yasha, please. I mean, just, I'm sorry. Maybe later. Okay. I've told Yasha and Beau about your predicament. Yes. Oh, we're doing great. I've told Yasha and Beau about your predicament. Yes. We're doing great. I've told them a little bit about you. In fact, and you guys noticed

that they're carrying red file folders. Oh, yes. That have some information about each of you. They would like to get to know you a little bit better before we tell you what's going to be going on today. Beau, Yasha, if you'd like to take it away and. Sure. Sure, yeah. Yeah. I just want to say,

even though I know you all are children, I believe you should speak to children like adults. So I'm going to be treating you like an adult, and I hope you act like adults. Well, but like adults, but like light you know, adults, but you know, like light, you know? Yeah, yeah, light adults. But, but, but, yeah. Small adults.

You'll be paying us for our time? Well, I think you're actually paying her for your tea. You know what? We're not going to get into that right now. I have to say, I'm a bit scared. Yes, me too. Don't, hey, Seekers don't make friends, okay? Yes! I can hear say, I'm a bit scared. Yes, me too. Don't wait, hey, Seekers don't make friends, okay? We can hear you, okay?

You're just speaking in halfling. All right. We would love to learn a couple things about you all. I didn't realize there was going to be so much paperwork. Beau, why don't you start us off? I'll start, I'll start. Padmond. Yeah. I feel like maybe we should start with you,

since you seem very eager to jump in. Hey, frog humor! Is that inappropriate? I honestly don't know. No! I mean, I've seen frogs. I look exactly like you. I'm a Bullywug, technically. Well, that's very interesting. Yeah. Where do you hail from, Padmond?

My Bob and dad's house. Come from a- It's very nice. Is it nice? Yeah? Yeah, it's very nice. Come from a loving family? Yeah. Are you a rich boy? Huh? Are you a rich kid? I think we're comfortable.

Okay. Three bedrooms. Pretty nice. Three bedrooms? We live in a three bedroom on the Menagerie Coast. Okay. Three bedrooms, pretty nice. Three bedrooms? We live in a three bedroom on the Benadry Coast. Oh. Love the Benadry Coast. I've never been to the Benadry Coast. The Menadry Coast.

Do it. We've been there so much. Sometimes people can't understand me either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I don't have nostrils. Yes, straight across. Beau, Beau, remember, tough love, Beau, please. Yeah, well, that was the love part.

I think I started pretty tough. All right. Apprentice Wizard, eh? All right. Says here that you have quite a little bit of a fascination with the Mighty Nein. I do. Yeah, okay.

I'm trying to start a collectible card game at camp. Oh. If you had to rate your strength on a scale from three to 20, what would you say it was? Obviously 20. Yeah, I would be up there as well. Yeah. But hang on, Padmé,

I feel like we're already getting distracted here. And honestly, I feel like that is a very crystalline example of what maybe appears to be some of your issues here. Maybe you're a little distracted. Maybe that wasn't part of the assignment at all. Maybe you're a little bit too fascinated with us. I told her about the holographic cards that you made, those are cool.

I use a spell known as Illusory Script that I can cast as a ritual to create holographic imprints artistically. Kai is an amazing artist and draws you guys, and then I can imprint them using Illusory Script. Do you have an example? We'll get to that later. We've been trading them around the camp.

Yeah? Yeah, and then we've got a whole game going with've been trading them around the camp. Yeah. Yeah, and then we've got a whole game going with them. It's true. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds very resourceful. I'm not mad about it, okay? I just want to say, like.

I'm just saying, if you guys want to sign them, it could make the price go up a little bit higher. Okay, okay. So I cannot, hold on. Wait a second. Yeah, we could. Veth. Yeah, free. It intends, yeah, we'll sign. Look. Good time. Look, don't, don, wait. We could, Veth. Feel free. Yeah, we'll sign. Look, look, don't, don't,

you're humoring them. You'll have to earn it, kids. Everything today, you're going to have to earn, all right? If you want signatures, fine, but you have to earn it, just like you haven't earned a badge, all right? Now let's get serious here. You haven't been focused or concentrating.

You've barely made any headway at all this whole year. Why are you here? I'm going to unfurl a massive flow sheet of how the game of The Mighty Nein would work. And it has a bunch of things. So I just need some creative help with different ability names. If you had to characterize your attack mode

in an onomatopoeia, how would you do that? Because I need some more bow interruption cards. It's Pop Pop, but that doesn't... I was going to go with Bip Bip. Pop Pop is way better. You think these guns produce a Bip Bip? Listen, Padman, this is... Do you want to be at this camp?

Yeah, do you want to be here? Because you have to actually do the activities in the assignments if you want to stay at this camp. Look, if you go home to Mom and Dad, and they're like, what did you learn at Adventure Camp? And you're like, nothing, I made a game. Then they'll be like,

why didn't we send you to Games Camp? And they paid full price. Most of the kids here are either partially or fully funded by grants and freebies, but you're actually paying for three of the campers here. I mean, my parents are comfortable. I think they do all right for themselves. I don't know that I'd say we're rich.

You'd have to ask our servants about that. Well, get serious, all right? You're going to need to get serious today if you want to stay here. Look, if you want to be like the Mighty Nein? You want to be like us? Yeah. Where do you think we started? Do you think we started trying to pretend

to be like other people? Wait, I'm losing the thread. Look, the point is, if you want to be an adventurer, if you want to be a hero, if you want to, it doesn't even want to be an adventurer, if you want to be a hero, if you want to, it doesn't even have to be an adventurer, but you got to be able to take care of yourself, okay? It's a cruel world out there, all right?

Someone comes up to you, tries to bully you, what are you going to do? Run away. There are other options, and we're going to learn some of them, but Yasha, tear another one of these guys a new butthole. Yasha pulls out her reading glasses. All right, so we have, who is this here now?

You look so cute in your glasses, babe. Thank you, baby. Skullcrusher Bloodforge? Oh, please, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but would you please call me Skye? Skye, yes, I will. So I was named Skullcrusher by my family. They're halfling barbarians, if I'm being honest, yeah.

And they have a good business for themselves, being the hired muscle around the various villages. Sure. We protect people, We'll maraud. There's been some marauding from time to time. Marauding needs to be done sometimes. You want to be broken out of jail, you call us. You want us to protect your treasure.

My da likes to say, we'll do the job, the same job with half the height at half the price. That's good, I like it. We started, I was born in the town of Othé. Oh yes. Yes. And we started protecting the local merchants who sold. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I wasn't including you. It's just, I was a little intimidated by you at first. It's okay, I've been listening the whole time. You're good. Okay. So yes, so I see here that, yes, you come from a long line of barbarians, but you came here to study wizardry? Yes. Yes, that's right.

Okay, so when I was a wee lass, I was about 10 years old, and we just started traveling around and doing our business. How old are you now? I'm 15. Okay. This incredible thing happened. I was in a village,

just hanging out, seeing who I could meet, and I saw this little girl. She was only maybe about five or six, and cutest little girl, and she was being bullied by these older kids. See? Bullies. Yeah. Yeah.

They exist. And she had this beautiful carved unicorn, and you could tell it was her most prized possession. And these kids, they took this unicorn and they smashed it on the ground. Broke it into pieces. That's just rude. She was weeping, and for the first time in my life, I felt this anger well up inside of me,

and I just wanted to rip these kids to shreds. Did you? I was going to, I swear. I was going to go give them a piece of my mind and a piece of my fist, if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah. And I don't believe in that. I don't like violence.

I don't like any of it. Why not? Because it's so rough and wrong. It just doesn't appeal to me. I'm not like my family. Anyway, just as I was about to approach, this man came out of nowhere. At first, I thought he was a vagrant.

He was real dirty, and he had this long, reddish-brown hair and this scruffy beard. And he comes up to this little girl and wipes her tear and picks up this little unicorn. And then he starts to do the most incredible thing. I see this energy and colors swirling around this unicorn. And I think to myself, I should hang back for a second

and he's going to fix this girl's unicorn. Well, no, I couldn't have been more wrong. This orb of energy around it grows and grows and grows until, honest to god, before my eyes stands a full-grown unicorn. And this girl looked it in the eye. Sorry, there's no swearing here. So you're going to need to put an actual American dollar.

Okay, where's my wallet? What are we doing with this money in the end? Are we going to donate it somewhere? I think one of us gets the money at the end. If you need, I can cover you. I thank you, Padmund, but Padmund? Padmund? Pabud. Pabud?

I feel like it keeps changing. I'm going to put this in here, and there we go. So it turned into a full unicorn. Oh yeah. So what'd you do? And she locked eyes with this unicorn and I knew they'd be friends for life and he picked her up and he put her on the unicorn's back and they rode off and I knew at that moment

what I wanted to do. Yeah, that's all I can see. That sounds like a motion. Who's friends for life? The man and the little girl or the unicorn and the little girl? No, no, the unicorn and the little girl, of course. Unicorns are actually very temperamental and can actually be very violent. They're kind of mean.

They can be. I think the point of the story is that this unicorn was going to protect her. Anyway, it was my own mind. So you're wanting very much to learn magic. You did not complete your prestidigitation badge because you snapped the magic wand in half, so you have some anger issues,

which is a wonderful thing to work with. Well, it's just my muscles. I'm quite strong. Yes, I see. You tested off the charts in strength and stamina, but you only signed up for magic courses. Why are you fighting against what you are? Because I don't want to hurt people.

I want to make people's dreams come true. That's why I'm here. I swear. You want to give people unicorns. I'm going to work so hard, and I'm going to get this. My friend is helping me. I'm going to get the merit badges in magic, I promise. Well, Jessop Nibblethorpe? Mm-hmm.

You apparently came very highly recommended by your professor parents? Yes, my parents are both professors. I've gotten straight As my whole life, and so I'm really, it's upsetting to not have passed to the next level, but that's okay, that's okay. I have my friend here,

and I'm just going to get better. Yeah, I'm. Get better. Are you sick? Is something wrong with you? No, no, I'm very healthy. I got my. Very, very sick. No, I swear, I swear I'm not. You had the quarantine last summer.

It was a whole ordeal. I just sometimes, my anxiety takes hold. Oh. But I'm not. We had the quarantine last summer. It was a whole ordeal. I just sometimes, my anxiety takes hold. But I'm very healthy. I get physicals regularly, probably two regularly. My doctor actually told me to stop going so often. Okay. I understand health anxiety. Like sometimes you feel like you're dying all the time. Yes. Yeah.

Like you have a stomach ache and you're like, I have cancer. Exactly. We have cancer. I had the other day. Sorry. It's like they're inside my head. Yes. Well, here it says,

in Spellcraft Workshop, instead of casting Guiding Bolt, you apparently made your entire class's hair fall out. Yeah, I'm really not proud of that one, but sometimes when I get really- That's hilarious. That's funny. Everyone thought it was really funny, but I was really upset that I did that to everyone.

I don't want to cause harm. I want to help others with my magic. But when I get anxious, sometimes I go to cast a spell, and in trying to get it perfectly right, I accidentally cast the entirely wrong spell, and that's what happened. You just get nervous. I get really nervous. You have nerves, you have anxiety.

Yeah. You have anger. Yeah. These are things we can work through, we can work with. You have an unhealthy obsession. You have an unhealthy obsession. We can work with that. And what about this young fellow over here? You, um. Beau, give him the, you know,

rough him up. I think I'm doing great, actually. Oh, you think you rough him up. I think I'm doing great, actually, so. Oh, you think you're doing great? I think I'm doing very good. So you're self-assured? I'd say so, more or less. Okay. You've had some good jokes, little jokester sitting over here.

Do you like them? All right. All right. Kai, it is? Yes. Okay. 16, so you're a little bit older than the rest of them. Mm. Yeah, a little bit, just a little bit.

Do you feel responsibility being the eldest? Uh, not quite. I feel pretty laid back. I feel pretty good. Okay. No, I'm getting that. You feel chill, very calm? You got him on the ropes, Kai. Looks like

had a bit of a tough childhood. No, it was amazing. You were an orphan that you were raised by a gang of bandits? Oh yes. That part. Yeah, I mean, that's one. Am I revealing?

I'm not trying to put you on blast here. Multiple arrests. Oh, multiple. For petty theft. Oh, because you're a bad boy? Yeah, you're a bad boy. Oh, you could say that. You know, Kai, I was like you once. Yes. When I was a kid.

I was also kind of a troll. A lot of stomach issues? Oh. And 90s? I also participated in some petty crime. A little bit of petty theft. What was your most petty crime? You know, mine was a little weird. It was mail fraud.

Okay, so that's where you get a guy. A little bit of extortion. Oh, okay. Like documents. I see, okay. A little bit of embezzlement. I don't know that word. Are these counselors vetted?

Yes, yes. Beau, I asked Beau and Yasha here to help you all. Yes, we will help. We will help. Veth, we will help. So far, they're doing a great job. Doing a great job. I know.

We love five stars. They're doing so good. Do you guys have a lot of history working with children? No. Actually, none whatsoever. None. But this is- But like I said, you're not children, you're young, light adults, right? Yes.

I would consider myself a child, but that's just me. Okay, we can work on that. You can grow out of that. Oh, well, I hope so. Otherwise, I've been killed. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's true. That's the only way.

Those are my two options, stay alive and keep aging or stop aging, and there's only one way to do that. That is very true. I can tell that it's already working. This scared straight approach is definitely working. This guy historically has always worked. I'm waiting for the bad cop Historically, it's always worked. I'm waiting for the bad cop to come around. So you're here for a court-ordered rehabilitation plan.

Yeah. Looks like you failed your Sleight of Hand badge, your Sleight of Handiness badge, but not because you didn't succeed in stealing something. You stole a healing potion instead of what you were supposed to steal. Which was? I don't know. What was it?

I was a freaking badge. Yeah, it was a badge. I heard that one. It was a badge, a merit badge, but you failed. You failed, you all failed! But we're going to fix this. Technically, because none of you earned any badges, the rules state that you have to leave camp in disgrace,

never to be seen or heard from again. But you know how I feel about rules, right? The camp motto is Wild Out. That doesn't mean following the letter of the law. It means breaking locks and leaving fingerprints and being kids. So I have a soft spot for outcasts like you, and I want to offer you one more shot.

To earn your three below rank, you each need to earn one merit badge by the end of the day. End of the day? Today, that's it. So take the Wyvern by the horns. And if you have a difficult task in front of you today, just remember, when in doubt, Wild Out.

Come on, give me a Wild Out. One, two, three. Wild Out. Wild Out! Good, we'll work on that, too. I have trouble wilding out. Yasha and Beau are going to take you through some exercises today. My son, Luke, will help.

And I mean, good luck to all of you. Do you want to stay here? Yes! Do you want? Yes. Okay. More than anything. Okay. Absolutely. I can't fail. My parents are on vacation.

They have a pleasure bar, so if I went home, I would have to find a way to get into the house. Well, you know, if you learned some basic lock picking, that should be easy. That's right, yes. Your friend Kai here could help, possibly, if he follows instructions. All right.

Luc, take them to the training grounds. Luc, the teenage boy, comes up and says, All right, everybody, follow me. He leads you out of the Hubbub Hub and guides you through the camp. I'll be right there, you guys. Go ahead. Veth, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, sure, sure. As you walk through the camp, Beau, Yasha, and Veth hang back a little. The four of you walk off in front with Luc and you get a glimpse of the camp. You guys know this, but for Beau and Yasha, this is your first glimpse of the facilities of the camp. It's ramshackle, rundown.

The campers basically destroy it every summer and Veth and Yeza try to repair it in the off season. You pass locations like Salmon Lake, named for its color. It's a filthy lake, the color of blood, with some sort of enormous creature swimming around, making massive bubbles. There are no salmon in there?

No, no, no. Okay. Horribly polluted. We found out the hard way. There's the Do Not Hike Trail. There's various cabins. You see the nest, Lion's Lodge, Rooster's Roost, all the different themed cabins. You see the nest, Lion's Lodge, Rooster's Roost, all the different themed cabins. You see your cabin, the Olga cabin.

You pass by the Gross, which is the eatery, a sun-bleached cafeteria on stilts, and Phyllis, the centaur lunch lady dumping out a pot of food behind it. You pass the medical tent, the curfew tower, where Mishi, the curfew creature, stands vigilant. Mishi. You pass the magic meadow,

which is a proving ground for magic users. You also see a couple of different places, the String Can Network, which is a camp-wide tin can telephone system. It's usually broken though. So sometimes calling one place to another can take longer than just walking there. It's usually broken, though, so sometimes calling one place to another can take longer than just walking there.

But as they said, Veth, Beau, and Yasha hang back. So the four of you are in front if you guys wanted to talk about anything amongst yourselves. But if not, Veth will talk to Beau and Yasha and say, All right, so that was sort of a rough start, you guys. I was expecting you to sort of scare them, intimidate them. How do we know that that's the right route to take?

They are children. This is also light adults. This is also what I wanted to talk to you about because I feel like there's a little bit of mixed messages going on here. Why? I do, too. I do, too. Because you're like, oh, you are children

and want you to wild out and be like kids and there are no rules, but then you want us to bring in here to try and force rules. I know, well, that's mostly Yeza. I know, it's a bit of mixed messaging, but the problem is they have to get comfortable before they can wild out. They have to at least be good at their skills

that they came here to learn. And then you know, once you're good at something, you can bend the rules and break the rules and have fun with it. But first they have to have a basic knowledge of something, anything, and they don't. They're really, they're losers. Well, we all were maybe losers at one point. Yeah. You know?

We were part of the Mighty Nein. Can I make a perception check to hear Veth say that we're losers? Go ahead and roll. Oh no! Oh no. 14 plus, I think I have, 14 plus four, 18.

Oh, for sure you heard it. Yeah, yeah. You going to put that in your card? No detail about that? Yeah, it'll be a creature status, loser. No friends, no hopes, no prospects. Card can upgrade. That's my favorite one yet.

You just want to say, it's going to be a long-ass day. I know. You think we can whip these kids into shape in a day? Yeah, in a day. I don't know if we can get them to get a merit badge by the end of the day.

You can do anything. Listen, I know that these aren't the greatest campers, but I see a lot of good in them. They have these, they have great promise, they're just not focusing in the right direction. I'm sorry, I'm being so rude to you guys. You guys are here on

vacation, sort of, aren't you? Yeah, kind of. Weren't you talking? Trial run? Trial run. Trial run. Oh. To see how we are with kids. Oh, that's right. You're thinking about having kids yourself. What are we even talking about?

We've been so busy. Did you decide? Is one of you pregnant right now? No. We don't know. We don't know. Are both of you pregnant right now? No.

No. How would that work? I don't know. How does that even work? I don't know. I don't know. How does that even work? I don't know! I don't know! We're trying to figure that out. It works differently for my family.

Oh, I've seen it. It's gruesome. You don't have to do it in public because it needs a lot of space. I'd rather not know that. Yeah, it's just true. Sorry. So wait, are you both definitely going to have, I mean, are you excited about this? I've been so busy with my work.

I've been working so much with Caleb and everything with the damn Cerberus Assembly. So I've been promising Yasha this for a long time. So I'm taking a little bit of time off. I'm doing something. It's self-care. It's self-care and investment in our relationship. Yes, and we're just going to see

if maybe this is the time. We might be too old. I don't know if it's time. But we're just trying it out. So spending time with these kids is going to help. Spending time with kids is the worst time in their life when they're the most awful. This is going to help you decide whether to have kids?

We can decide if we can do it. If we're up for it, you know? We've been to the plane of the Abyss and fought giant monsters with eyeballs and our friends that have ridden from the dead. This feels like the hardest thing I've ever going to do in my entire life. Yeah, you're not wrong about that.

You're not wrong about that. We'll do it. We'll figure it out. I mean, you've got a teenage boy right now. He's the most wonderful boy in the world and I want to kill him. Yeah. He can drive me so crazy sometimes. Yeah, he the world and I want to kill him. Yeah. He can drive me so crazy sometimes. Yeah, he's a little shit.

But he is. Shit. Shit! I keep saying three American dollars. I don't have my wallet on me. Someone might have to run me my wallet. I don't know how much cash. But you're going to figure it out. Whatever. It could be 20s.

I'm going to hold onto that. Maybe it'll be an advance. Yeah. Can you cover me, babe? I'll cover you, don't be 20s. I'm going to hold onto that. Maybe it'll be like an advance. Yeah. Can you cover me, babe? I'll cover you, don't worry. Okay. I will say that having a kid is a wonderful experience. It teaches you a lot about yourself,

and so I hope that ultimately you do decide to have kids, but I'm not going to force you to. Well, it's just like, I don't know if it's the selfish thing, you know? You think about, if I had a kid, I'd give it a life that I didn't have. And then it would be so good. Yeah, but then it's like, is that selfish?

Is that pressure? Is it pressure? Yeah, are you going to be trying to shape the kid into something that they don't want to be? That they don't want to be? Yeah. And what if it's egotistical, like you're just trying to build a child in your image? You know? So, hold on. Is Luc with us right now?

Yeah, he is. Okay, so we're not there still. You're about 20 feet ahead. We can tell that things are getting intense over here. They, yeah, Luc understands what's going on behind him and is like, I'm sorry about this. Sometimes they get like this for a long time. Can I try to listen in on their conversation?

Sure, go ahead, roll a perception check to see. That's a 20, right? A d20, yeah. Okay. 17. Yeah, you can hear most of what they're saying. They're pretty loud. Okay. I'm just taking notes.

Okay, okay. It's like they're not even trying to be. As you listen to what they're talking about, you guys do reach the training grounds. It's a large amphitheater-like space built into the woods with archery targets, an obstacle course, a rickety little bridge, all manner of test dummies strewn about, pierced, slashed, even bludgeoned.

This is where campers come to perfect physical combat of all sorts. All right, everyone, we're here. Today, you'll be competing in tests of strength, dexterity, wisdom, intelligence. I don't really know the difference between those last two. But if you endure this test, this sort of campionship, if you will,

and if Beau and Yasha deem you successful, they will award you with a badge. Are you ready to show your all to these people today? Wild out. Yes, absolutely, we've got this. Yes. Wild out. More enthusiasm. Wild out. More passion. Wild out.

We're going to get you your badges. We've got this. Hype! Wild out. Wild out. Wild out. Yeah, there we go. That's more like it. I'm wilding so hard right now. I sort of believe you.

All right, let's do the first activity then, and please do your best. I'm really counting on you. Where did we go? Oh, he's getting fake money. But I want real money. But these are fake hundreds. Brainy hundreds.

How are you feeling? I'm okay. I'm just really hoping that I don't have to do any strength things so that my twig-like arms might snap in half, but. Well, we got to work on those. Yeah, no, I don't know if that's possible, but we'll try.

Okay. We'll look. Okay, maybe on a date. You all are at rock fucking bottom. You're at rock bottom, okay? And you know what? Rock bottom's a good place to be. Yeah, it is. You know why? That wasn't a rhetorical question.

Do you know why? Well, because we have somewhere to go from rock bottom. That's correct. That's correct, Skullcrusher. Skye, not Skullcrusher. All right. That's correct, Skye. Can only go up, right? Wild out! Theoretically, you could also move laterally

to a different area of rock bottom. Also, if the rocks slip, then you can fall between the rocks. Okay, it's going to go back to being a rhetorical question, okay? Do you have these thoughts inside yourself? Well, start them off. Let's do the first activity. All right. You guys ready?

Ready. Yeah. This test is very simple. Okay. Okay? You see this? This is a pinecone. Oh. It is a pinecone. Use your imaginations, okay? Translucent pinecone. Yeah.

It's a special, rare variety of the pine trees here. They produce translucent. They do, it's true. So you have one simple task. Knock this pine cone out of my hands by any means necessary. You can punch, you can kick, you can use magic.

Kick! But all you got to do, send this pinecone flying, all right? All right. Sounds like a good deal. All right. Well, let's do it. I'm going to need each of the four of you to roll initiative to see what order

we're going to be doing this in. Go ahead and roll. It's also a 20, right? Yes, everything's a 20. 17 again. Okay. Nine. Seven. 14. So Kai first,

Jessop second, I believe Skye third, and Padmé last, and you will be competing at, boy, where's the thing? Is it back here? I don't do this! What are you looking for?

You got this! Fun! Yep, you got this! Fun! This is fun! Yay! What a natural you are! Oh my god, it's so heavy! Ugh! Do you need help? I'm going to do this.

You got it? Is this it? Oh my god. Oh my gosh. This is how I do it. It's so beautiful. Gorgeous, look at that. This is so cool.

Look at the bridge. You guys have minis. This is you, Padman. Whoa! Little froggy. This is you, Jessa. Oh! Little froggy. This is you, Jessa. Oh my god. Taller and bluer.

Oh my gosh. And this is Miss Skye. This is so cool. And here we go. Wait, where's? So cute! Did you build this, Sam? I certainly did. So cute. That's a no?

Oh, here we go. Kai, this is you, I think. Yes? Oh my god. Oh, sick, look at that, so cool. With the bow! Oh my god. Okay. And then we got your Beau and Yasha. Beau and Yasha, where do you want to be on this map?

Well, I feel like I'm going to be right in the middle of the bridge, right? Right in the middle of the bridge. That's part of the challenge, right? You've got to get a kid to the bridge. Sure. And then kids, where do you want to be? I guess you would all be sort of down below.

And then, Kai, you're first. So you're going to be up on the bridge with Beau. Boy, how do I make it battle? I don't know how to do this stuff. Okay. Got it, Sam. I got this. You got this! All right. Oh, hi. No, I think they did it

for me backstage. Thank you, Brennan. Thank you, Brennan. Maybe double-team. All right. As they get ready, a new voice joins the chorus of voices. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It is a young, blonde-haired, 20-something,

half-elven counselor in a sundress who runs up, interrupting, Wait, wait, wait, please, Veth, a moment, please. This is Beth Greenbloom, the camp cleric. She's responsible for all the healing seminars. She also runs the yoga and Pilates workshop. Please, please, Veth, your husband wanted me to remind you about the potions.

Oh, that's right, says Veth. Oh, freaking insurance. Veth hands Veth two corked bottles of a swirling gray syrup. So Yeza thinks that Beau and Yasha here will hurt these children Yvette, two corked bottles of a swirling gray syrup. So Yeza thinks that Beau and Yasha here will hurt these children because they're so overpowered. So Caleb sent these potions for you.

What? They will dampen your abilities. Just for 24 hours. Dampen our abilities? Yes, yes, because if you... We're worried that you're going to one-shot kill some of these campers. I know how to control my strength.

Yeah, we can pull our punches. I don't think that you can, so it would really, it's for insurance. They want you to sweep these potions. It'll just make you weak for one day. It's fine. If you don't do this, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. Why is that my problem?

Same, I was going to say the same. I don't care. I mean, we have to take these, right? Yes, please! Otherwise, you're going to kill my kids. Padman has very brittle bones. All right. Okay, fine. Fine.

This is so stupid. She hands them over. It's a pungent elixir. It smells like tobacco and cheese. Gross! Oh, ew! As you drink it down, you do feel a little bit dazed, and instantly you feel much, much weaker.

This potion immediately reduces Beau and Yasha to level three. Whoa! Dang! Yes. Punch Caleb in the nuts next time I see him. If you can. Wait, we're really fine. You're pretty weak. Did we get those sent? I sure hope you got those stats.

Yep, yep. Going to anywhere. Mm-hmm. It's in the emails. You know what? We're going to, I'm going to, I'm going to pull that off the tip break. But first, I'm going to use my BS. That sounds great.

Brennan, while you were gone, Beau and Yasha are now level three. Did a magical effect occur? Yes, it did. Yes. Something that nerfed us a little. Yes, so that they won't kill you. Copy that.

Instant. Amazing. Because you have very brittle bones't kill you. Copy that. Instant. Amazing. Because you have very brittle bones. And you're level one. My bones are strong. Do you have bones? Yes, actually. Common misconception, but amphibians do in fact have skeletons. Okay.

Is your blood red like ours? Yes, we are vertebrates. We're just not bambles. Bambles? What? Bambles. Bambles? What? Bambles. That's what I thought. To my knowledge, everyone I'm looking at

is Babalia to nature. Oh. Whereas I'm a amphibious. What'd you think I said? I don't know. Luc comes up to you guys, just to give you a quick pep talk. All right, guys.

I know that my mom was a little harsh. She's been drinking already. I know that Beau and Yasha can be a little bit aggressive. But I really do believe in you guys. And I know that you guys can do this. Just give it your all, all right? with some insults and Yasha gets distracted by shiny things or flowers. She keeps a little book on her where she presses flowers into the pages and she does cute little doodles and stuff. It's very cute. But anyway, just go up there and knock them dead, all right?

Kai, you're up first. Are they still drinking the potion right now? They've just finished drinking it. Ugh, sting! Ugh! All right, we begin. Kai, I will let you go first. Okay. This is it.

How would you like to snatch this pinecone out of Beau's hand? I have a little whip on me. Oh, you do? Okay. I do have my little whip. I would like to pick up a little rock, and I want to throw it in the air and whip at the rock and see if I can.

You're going to throw the rock, whip the rock, and try to... See if I can propel it forward and knock it. And to hit Beau or to hit the pine cone? The pine cone. Okay, okay. This is going to be a pretty difficult roll, but if it works, it could work really great.

Go ahead and roll a d20 and let's say, let's do an attack roll. So add your whip attack modifier to it. Let's see. If you have a whip up there. I do. Do you have a whip? Probably be like dex plus your proficiency. Yeah, let's see.

You're Kai, right? Yeah. I see no whip. We're just going to say it's plus five. Plus five. Okay, plus five. Okay. 11. 11 plus five, 16. Beau, make a dexterity save, I guess? Dexterity save, not against my AC. Yeah, because you're just trying to get the thing away.

Okay. That's going to miss with a 23 total. Yes, so the rock, you actually do this really well. You whip the rock, it flies right at the pinecone and you did it in a moment when Beau wasn't even looking at you, but she doesn't need to. She just pulls it away by instinct and shakes her finger at you.

No, no, no, no, no. I look at everyone else and I go, What else? You're still up there, you, no, no. I look at everyone else and I go. Well. You're still up there. You can still try again. Beau, you can also, it's your turn. If you wanted to move away or do anything to make this harder for him, feel free. I'm just going to sit down on the edge of the bridge,

kind of dangle my feet. Oh man. Whoa. Come on, kid, you're going to give up that easy? Come on, come on! Go ahead. It's a little insulting. Get in there. Uh-huh. Okay. Let's see, what. Get in there. Uh-huh. Okay.

Let's see, what else do I got in my little tools kit? You can also just run and grab it. Yeah, I'm just going to straight up charge, and then I'm going to do a little flip. Okay. To try and get behind. Okay. Okay, so let's see. Roll an acrobatics check to see how this flip works out for you.

That would be dexterity or plus seven acrobatics. Yeah. 17. Amazing plus stuff, I assume, right? Yeah, acrobatics, is that a plus seven right here? Oh my god, yes, this is an amazing flip that you do. You've landed behind Beau, it's right in front of you. You can grab it right out of her hand if you'd like.

Yes, I would love to do that. Let's make this a strength contested roll to see if you can pull it out of your hand. Strength, uh-oh! Both of you roll a d20, add your strength, and we'll see what happens. Okay. What is this?

Is this a 20? Is that a 20? You might do good. That's a 20. That's a 20? That's a nine. Oh my god! Plus a one strength? You might do good. It's a 20. That's a 20. That's a 20? That's a nine. 20. Oh my god! Plus a one string?

No, no, 20 is all you need. Oh, okay. Beauregard Lionett, you feel the pinecone removed from your hand, deftly, as if you didn't even know what was happening. Where'd it go? Yeah, it's a little see-through, so it's hard to see, but it's right here.

Oh, you got it. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's pretty good, that's pretty good! See what happens. That is so cool! Yeah, that was great! When you apply yourself. I'm very good at flipping.

It's good. So inside baseball? That is inside baseball. Inside baseball. Luc cheers, yeah, that's my boy! Way to go, Kai! Nicely done, man! Gives you a high five as you step off. Good job. All right, one down. Very good, who's up next?

Produce another pine cone. I think it's Jessup. Up next, yeah. Petman, what do you think she's getting? Those pine cones. You got this, Jessup! You got this! We might be able to see it if we do. Let's go, Jessup! There are no clear trees around here.

Yeah, it's absolutely fascinating, actually. Jessup, how would you like to do this? Well, my goal is to attempt, I would like to use infestation. Oh. And have a bunch of small birds come and knock the pine coneone out of your hand to reach and grab.

Amazing. How are you feeling stress-wise right now? I'm pretty stressed. There's a lot that could go wrong there. There's a lot of the birds could, I have to take into consideration their acceleration, their strength. Okay, I would say, so Jessop over here has a little bit of a stress problem.

She gets anxious. And I would say that you are at level one stress now. Does that make sense to you? Yes. Okay, so she's feeling a little bit shaky. She's looking a little bit like a little bit of sweat on her little mustache area. And so let's see if your spell could work. Can you roll a d6 first to see how it works?

It's a six. So that works. The spell works. With all of your focus, you cast your spell. How does the spell look coming out of your body, or where do you cast it from? So lots of small birds come. I attract all of the birds from around.

Can I do that? Sure you can. And all of these tiny birds come and swarm around you and a couple of them and a couple of blue birds that match my ultramarine eyes come and they knock the pinecone out of you. Or they try to knock the pinecone out of you. Let's do, let's see here. Let's do another contested strength roll,

I guess, birds versus Beau. Why not? Why don't you roll a d20? And both of you roll d20s and we'll see what we get. Ooh, it's not good. 14. Better than me. Okay. The birds do knock it loose, but you're not there to get it

and the birds can't carry it. So it's loose, it's on the floor. You guys could both run for it if you'd like to make an attempt for it. I would like to make an't carry it. So it's loose, it's on the floor. You guys could both run for it if you'd like to make an attempt for it. I would like to make an attempt for it. Okay. I'm going to make an attempt for it, too. All right. You're both diving for the pinecone

to see who can get there first. Beau's pretty speedy. You're determined, though. Let's make, how are you going to get there? With speed? Are you going to do flips? Are you going to try to push her out of the way? What are you going to use to beat her there? I don't think my nimble bones can handle flips,

and so I think that all I can do is just make a dash for it. Just a pure speed. Then let's both do Athletics check to see who's the faster of the two. Roll a d20. I'm going to go ahead and do Step of the Wind. Sure you are. It's going to double mine. Whoops.

Athletics. It's the second one down, I think. Third one down. Third one down. Fourth one down. Fourth one down. Jesus. A lot of As. Where is it? Athletics is right here. You have a minus one. Minus one.

So I have a six. Okay. 12. Okay, yes, and you did Step of the Wind? All right, so you dive to get that pine cone and you've got it. It's in your hand and it's not, it's gone. The second you thought you had it,

it's as if a blur goes by and Beau is standing now, we'll say 30 feet away from you. Somehow she got that far away from you with the pine cone that fast. You get one more shot at this. What would you like to try? Okay, I think I'm going to try... My spells, I can only use once every.

Like, my charm person, I can only use once every. That's true, yes. Okay. But it's worth it to try. I'm going to try it. I'm going to go for charm person. Okay, charm person. I'm going to try it. I'm going to go for Charm Person. Okay. Charm Person. I don't know how spells work. What does it say?

Is that a charisma save? Is that a, what is that? I'm looking. Yeah, I think so. Charm Person's right here. Charm Person, I've got it. Wisdom 13 save, go ahead. And you can use your innate sorcery if you want to, to bump that up.

But only if you want to. And I only get to do that how many times? Twice. Twice? Twice. Which is so cool. Until you rest. Until I rest, which is so cool. I think I'm going to do it. I'm going to use my innate sorcery.

Yes, yes, yes! Okay, so as a bonus action, you invoke your innate sorcery, which just gives you even more focus, but you are stressed. Let's see if this spell even works. Roll a d6. I got a one. Okay.

I'm sorry to say, the spell goes awry. The nerves, the people watching you, the intensity of the moment is just too much to bear. Focus, Jessa! Can you roll? Focus! Can you roll a d100? Brennan, help her! Okay, it's these two, right? Yeah, those two together. Okay.

And the 10s is the first digit, so six and... 62. Okay. That is... Oh, what is it? So your spell shoots out and nothing seems to happen. It seems to dissipate with the wind.

And just nothing happened until you speak. So nothing happened to my spell, but instead this, okay. Yes. Oh no! I guess I have to shout when I speak now! The spell seems to have dissipated and congealed in a strange way on her throat.

And now whenever Jessup is speaking for the next minute, she is shouting as loud as she can. I saw what I meant by focusing, you know that, right? Unfortunately, it's failed and that is a failure. I'm so sorry. Luc announces, well, you gave it your best shot. I'm so sorry, Jessa.

I was so set up for success with my last roll! Why are you yelling at me? It's okay, calm down. Calm down! I'm pretty calm, actually. We don't need to keep escalating this. We don't need to keep yelling. Okay, sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry!

Hey, you can have my pine cone if you want. Oh. That's actually really sweet, thank you so much! Ouch, my ears. Oh. Oh. That's actually really sweet, thank you so much! Yeah! Ouch, my ears. Beau takes the pine cone, the invisible pine cone, and does a little hacky sack with it. And hacky sacks it directly to Yasha, who's up next. So the next two of you are going to have to get this pine cone

out of Yasha's hand. You'll probably have an easier time. I am just beefy. Up next is Skye, Skullcrusher. Skye, you're up next. You're going to have to get this pinecone out of Yasha's. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Yes!

Oh, nice! Yes! Wait. Love it. Nice. Okay, where's Yasha? You're both on the bridge. I'm up on the bridge now. On the bridge. You're both on the bridge. We're both on the bridge.

We're both on the bridge? You're both on the bridge. We're both on the bridge? Come and get it. Come and get it. You got a better chance of that, then. How long does my one minute in battle time, is how long?

It'll probably be done by the time the next couple folks are done. You're like, how long do I have to be screaming? Sorry, it's Yasha. This is Yasha. Oh, okay. I'm just spinning it like a basketball. So I'd like to cast a Minor Illusion

to distract our Yasha. Amazing. Using your innate barbarian skills to cast an illusion spell is quite difficult because while you have been studying wizard craft and you have a spell book and you've got all the correct components, it just doesn't come easy to you.

It doesn't come natural to you. So to see if this spell has a chance of working, please flip a coin. I've got this very fancy coin. Amazing. Which side is the good side? You get to choose. You get to choose.

Tell me, heads or tails, which one are you looking for? I guess the heads is the guy's head and the tails is the thing with the tail. Which one will be the good one for you? Heads is going to be the good one for me. Go ahead and flip. You can do it, Sky! Heads! Oh my gosh, the spell works.

So you're casting Minor Illusion and what are you making appear? I'd like to make a cute creature appear next to Yasha. It's going to be... Oh my goodness. It's going to be so, so, so cute, and it makes a little

What is that? song. And it's got these cute little teeth and whiskers. It looks so soft. I think she's going to want to touch it. Amazing. I think, Yasha, you're going to have to roll to see if you believe this illusion or not.

Go ahead and roll a, is it a wisdom check? Jesus, how does this work? I never know how. Do a wisdom. It's minus. Do it. Yeah, I'll do wisdom. Babe, don't, don't. Wisdom save. 15. I think that works, unfortunately.

You have a very low spell DC. So yes, you are able to- I really wanted to put the pine cone down before I went to get it, you are able to see that this is an illusion. I really wanted to put the pine cone down. But it's very cute to you. It's just that you can see through it. Oh, this is darling, but I can tell it's not real. Mm.

Can I make a run for it? Sure, go ahead. What are you going to try to do? Pull it out of her? As we were walking over here, a camper had discarded their gum and it's on the bottom of my shoe. I'm going to grab it so that my hand is sticky. Okay.

I'm going to try to go past her. That's gross. I like that. I'm going to try to stick it onto my hand as I go. Okay, so you're going to do this, just get by her as fast as you can. Let's see if you can hit it, because I think she's going to try to pull it away from you. Roll an attack, an unarmed strike attack. So this is plus four,

a d20 plus four to see if you can strike and get it from Yasha. It's a 22. Wow. I mean, you can go ahead to roll to see if you can pull it away from her. Let's try a dexterity save to see if you can pull it away from her. Let's try a dexterity save to see if you can pull it away in time.

You have to beat a 22. I do not. No, you do not. No. Okay, the gum sticks. I rolled a 21. Oh my god! Yeah! For a second, both of you are holding the pine cone together, and it looks like it's not going to break free for a second.

You can't help but notice the rippling muscles on this tiny 2'8 frame. She's had to leap up to grab it from you, but for a second, it's like that predator handshake where it's just all muscles. It's pretty badass. And then a moment later, rip! It rips out of your hand

because something was holding onto it, something that made her hands stickier than they should have been, and she rips the pinecone free. Success! Yes! You did it! Ah! Sorry!

That was good, that was good! Good work. Amazing, amazing. The strength of this one. We need, you're studying the wrong thing. I think you were still a little distracted by the cute creature. You knew it wasn't real,

but it was still very cute, right? It was, it actually was very cute. It's like a rapt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get into this. There's one more person left to go. Padmend, it is your turn. Padmend. I'll just do what I told you. Padmend.

We've had a couple successes. We've had one failure, but I think you can do this, Padmend. Do you believe in yourself? I do. I do believe in myself. It's time to go for broke. Not all the line. You've got this.

Where would you like to set up? Jessup. I'm not going to move up onto the bridge. I'm going to stay down there for a second and I'm going to say, It begins. Jessup, may I see your pine cone? I didn't get the pine cone!

No, but I thought, did you? Yeah, oh yes, he handed me the pine cone. Here you go! You got it, okay. By the nine secret algaes of the Great Pond of Shadows, by the lily pad of the north wind, whose rippling leaf cascades over all. I'm going to start to ritual cast Identify. How long does that take?

10 minutes. It is going great, I love it. You're casting Identify. I want to see if the Pied Cone has any properties that may give some information as to how to best the challenge. I thought you were just going to see how it was made. That was my big mystery.

That as well. Everyone is calmly waiting. Luc confides in the others that, I mean, technically, there was no time limit that was placed on this. Maybe next time we do a time limit. I guess next one, we should probably do a time limit. So yeah, nine and a half more minutes go by

and you complete the ritual. I call out to all the great withers that have come before me! Sure enough, instantly, you have an innate knowledge of this pinecone. It does come from a very unusual tree that has translucent leaves, but it is simply a pine cone and nothing more.

What was the exact wording of the challenge that I had to get specifically the pine cone from Yasha's hand? Yes. Very well. Ha! We've arrived at a dead end in our research. There you go.

Very well. If I am to succeed at this challenge, I will have to call on forces far greater still. I call upon the nine secret algies of the Great Pot! I'm going to start to ritually cast Find Familiar. Which will be another 10 minutes. Amazing, amazing. Everyone patiently waits while they're waiting.

Beth, the camp cleric, is just hanging around and Luc goes up to her and says, Oh, you're looking very pretty today, Beth. And Beth says, Oh, that's nice, Luc. That's nice. You guys are just waiting and waiting and waiting. Nine and a half more minutes go by and the casting is done.

I'm going to look up, because I'm going to look at Kai, who's my artist for my cards. At the last minute I'm casting, I realize I have no idea what I want my familiar to look like. Okay. I go like, what do people have for familiars

like most of the time? I don't know. I was just busy drawing you in the last 10 minutes. Oh! That's so cute! Oh my gosh. I conjure, I I was just busy drawing you in the last 10 minutes. Oh! That's so cute! Oh my god! I conjure, I think, just a frog. I think my familiar is just...

But I think I'm looking around at all these more humanoid mammals, so I think my frog has a full head of hair and human teeth. Okay, great, great, great. All right, so it's just a normal frog, yes? But it's a familiar that can now help me. Yes, there is a frog. It appears beside you, just as you've described,

and it looks up at you with its big eyes and says, Ribbit, Ribbit. Do you speak frog? I assume you speak frog? Well, I speak frog, but also you are speaking Cobbitt right now. Oh no! It's all right.

It's exactly as I anticipated. Now with you here. Hello. What would you like me to do? I want you to buckle up, because we're about to get to work. I call upon the Dying Secret Algees, the Great Pod of Shadows, and I'm going to search a ritually cast unseen servant.

We're going to need even more help! Amazing. shadows, and I'm going to start to ritually cast Unseen Servant. We're going to need even more help! Amazing. Sure enough, 10 minutes go by. It's lunch soon! How long does Find Familiar last? Oh, Find Familiar, now it's just there. I don't even have a familiar. It's just there forever?

Instantaneous. I have a little frog with hair and big, white, game show host teeth. Now you also have an invisible servant with you. Been casting spells for a half hour. I have an unseen servant over here, and I look at the unseen servant and go, if that little pinecone pops up in the air, you know exactly what you have to do.

You there. Yeah. Wait, what's a good name for familiar? Well, you'd have to consider all the options. You'd have to consider their personality and their physical appearance. I do have a name. What's your name? Yeah, my name's Archibald. Archibald, fantastic.

All right, Archibald, look alive. You help me figure this out. Look alive. All right, and I'm going to walk up. I'm not technically alive. I know, I created you. You're not even real. Wow. You're my best friend. This is the craziest day of my life.

It's the first day of your life. There couldn't be a crazier one. Wow. I'm going to walk up on the bridge with my new familiar, unseen servant, and I'm going to approach Yasha. Hello? I'm going to walk up on the bridge with my new familiar, Unseen Servant, and I'm going to approach Yasha. Hello?

How dappie! And I'm going to cast Gust. And Gust, you cast. A gust of wind emanates from you. Do you have a spell focus, or do you just use your hands to cast your spell? I think I do have a spell focus or do you just use your hands to cast your spell? I think I do have a spell focus. I think that I touch a small enamel pin and I think it's in a pin of the Wildlings,

of the Wildemount Wildlings. I think it's a camp pin because deep down this camp matters more to me than anything. Oh no. Sure enough, an arcane blast of wind emanates from this pin towards Yasha. What are you attempting to do with this gust of wind? This won't work. So it's a strength saving throw.

It's a strength saving throw or you're pushed five feet away. There is no, I think Padmend has one attack spell and it's a completely non-harmful gust of wind. Is that? It will just, if it works, which it won't, it will push Yasha five feet back. What do I need to roll? A straight saving throw.

Are you raging, Yasha, or are you just regular Yasha? Oh my god, yes, I'm raging. All right. So roll with advantage. Yes, I will. It's cocked, sorry. Oh my god! I'm sorry, because I'm using the, okay,

I'm not going to use this dice, actually, because that'll take too long. Okay. These dice. Okay. Okay, that is 14. 14, yeah, that succeeds. My Arcade Blast was ineffective. It just feels like in my face, he just went.

Very well. When magic fails, let might avail. I'm going to walk up and say, you want an arm wrestle for it? Yeah. All right, great. I have poisoned skin. Oh! So I'm going to need a constitution saving throw.

Okay. It's DC 12 or you're poisoned. Oh my god. Oh no! Wait, wait, what did you say, constitution? Constitution. I rolled a six. Do you get any bonuses because you're raging for constitution or is it just strength, right?

Strength. It's just strength, right? Yeah. Okay, so she takes poison damage, is that right? No, you have the poisoned condition. Wait, wait, wait, wait. If strength checks, it's a saving throw, if it's bonus, it's strength, bonus, it's Yeah. Okay, so she takes poison damage, is that right? No, you have the poisoned condition. Wait, wait, wait, wait. If strength checks, it's the same as bonus strength. No.

The poison condition, which means? With the poison condition, I have poisonous froggy skin. You are poisoned for one minute. That's the poisoned condition, which means you now have disadvantage on almost all ability checks. Amazing. Amazing. Okay. That pine cone's just sitting there on almost all ability checks. Amazing. Amazing. Okay.

That pinecone's just sitting there on the floor between you. Great. As you are poisoned, I want to make an Opposed Athletics to do the arm wrestling. I want advantage from Archibald, but I want that Unseen Servant,

now that the pinecone is unguarded, to go for the... My Unseen Servant's going to grab the is unguarded to go for the... My Unseen Servant's going to grab the pine cone. While you arm wrestle. While I arm wrestle, Archibald's going to help me. Okay, great. So I guess roll to see who wins this arm wrestling match. Hell yeah. You get advantage, but you get disadvantage, so it's a straight roll, I believe.

It's a straight roll. Right? Okay. And you get advantage from the help of your archibald friend, who is crawling up on your hand and helping push. That is an 18. Oh my gosh. Whoa!

And a 19. 19 plus five strength. And you're a two-foot-eight frogman. Two-foot-eight frogman. And you feel that I have a strength score of 21. Okay, and I did a... What did I do? 14.

17. 17. So with a 24, I go, there is a secret magic. Cleverness and intellect avail. You shall always- What's happening? A wizard's secrets are his greatest strength.

Invisiboy, get it! Sure enough, the pinecone lifts away and starts to get away. Yasha, are you going to try to grab it or anything, or is it a lost cause? I'm going to try to grab it. I have to give it one more go. You're locked in this arm-wrestling machine,

so you can't really move that much. No. You could try to break this. I'll call this a grapple. You could try to break the grapple and reach at it with your other hand. Yeah, I'll try that. Okay. Am I rolling this with advantage from the familiar?

Of course you are. Great. I'm just rolling a one, single. Just one die. I'm doing strength. A strength, yes. 11, that's 16. This is, oh, this is a 20 total. Okay, so you do break the grapple. You can try it, but it's getting away from you.

You're going to have to make a leap to try to get it because the pinecone has now flown over the side of the bridge and is fleeing away. You get one shot at this. Yeah, I just put a toe out to try to stop it from falling. Let's leap, make an acrobatics check to see if you can beat the Unseen Servant's acrobatics. Acrobatics will be disadvantage.

You said acrobatics? That's right. Oh, I said disadvantage. Disadvantage, yeah. Okay, I rolled both the same. 16. Okay. Whoa. I don't know what the Unseen Servant's stats are, so this is a straight roll. He got an 18.

He got an 18. Yes. So as you leap, you're pretty confident that you're going to grab this pinecone. The Unseen Servant does a pirouette, which you don't see because he's invisible, and the pinecone gets away from you and flits off into the wilderness. Gone. Success.

Wow. Guys, you did it! That was amazing! Luke comes over to congratulate you. I don't even know what just happened. It's crazy that you failed in the first place. Good job. Thank you very much. With preparation, a wizard is unbeatable.

That was a lot of preparation. That seems to be very true. Yeah. If you give me a half hour, there's nothing I can't do. You must teach me your way to the top. That was a lot of preparation. It makes me very true. Yeah, if you give me a half hour, there's nothing I can't do. You must teach me your ways. Yeah, we'll work on speeding that up. But you know, I'm proud of you all.

I drew this picture of you in Archibald. Oh, that's so wonderful. You got his human teeth perfect. I spent a lot of time looking at him, so. It's hard not to look at him. He's kind of upsetting. As that test of skill comes to a close, Yasha and Beau, three of the four of them,

actually succeeded, which is pretty impressive. Who was the failure? It was me. Oh no. Hey, Luc comes up to you to console you. I'm so sorry you failed, but that was incredible, you guys. That was amazing. I've never seen you do anything like that all summer.

Whoa. What got into you? Well, I did badly, so I have no idea. I don't think you did. You didn't do badly, okay? It's just some of your weaknesses, you just got to focus them, okay? Yeah. You know? Yeah.

You just got to breathe. It's clear that you've got some good potential in there. You know? The asthma stops me from breathing super well, but yeah, that's. Okay, well, with that stuff, all right. I have a couple of theories. Yeah, what is it?

We've never been teamed up like this before. I think maybe we worked well together. I do, too. I think, as we have learned, that working as a team sometimes is the best way to work. Maybe you could be your own adventuring party, you know? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. They're just dainty feet at this point.

No, no, no, I'm just trying to give some excitement of the future. There's several more ranks to get through before. Yes, that's true. As you all know, the ranks of the wildling ranks are dainty feet, three below, greenhorn, just shies, and Wildlings. So they have a long way to go

before they're ready to be real adventurous. We're not at the bear feet yet, or what is the first one? Dainty Feet. Dainty Feet, I'm sorry. They are Dainty Feet. You're Dainty Feet right now. But that was incredible. There are more tests of strength and speed, though,

that we're going to have to get through. Yasha, you had a test. I have a test. You've worked so well as a team. This next one, I think you're going to work together as a team again. Does anyone want a juice box? Yes. Or a pudding cup?

A field snack? I would like a juice box. Okay, hang on. I have blood turban. Pass out. You all did good. You did good. Oh, thank you. There's one for each of you. Both. Passing out juice box.

You have juice box in my mind. This is a pudding cup. Very good. That's one for each of you. Beau passing out juice. You have juice. I'm going to get some of mine. This is a pudding cup. Very good. That's a juice box. I've got the pudding cups, too, though, if anyone's feeling a little peckish. I had to spend a half hour casting my spells, so I need to submerge myself in water.

I have to do it pretty much every few hours. Oh, okay. How long do you need? To submerge. Well, submerging is only a few minutes, but then I probably should clean off because the pod water gets on you. Salmon Lake is not that.

Salmon Lake is pretty bad. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll clean off after that. Then, normally, I like to take a little quick nap. I think we're going into the next activity right away. Is this going to take a while or do we? I have a note from my mom that I have to be allowed to do this.

Yeah, you've shown us those notes before. They really carry no weight here. I'm sorry, buddy. Outrageous. I tried to forge those notes for you. It just didn't work out. Fine, okay. Got a power through, Padme. You got a little forger over here?

Hey! I like you. That's a wrap for part one of this podcast episode. Part two is heading your way this upcoming Tuesday at 5 a.m. Pacific, and we'll pick up this adventure right where we left off. Until next time, we'll be back at Camp Wildemount before you know it.