Critical Role - Wilde Out | Wildemount Wildlings Episode 3 Part 1

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

Part 1 of Episode 3 Chaos reigns at camp! The OLGAs must summon their bravery as the danger heats up in their search for counselors Beau and Yasha! CAPTION STATUS: CAPTIONED BY OUR EDITORS. The closed captions featured on this episode have been curated by our CR editors. For more information on the captioning process, check out: https://critrole.com/cr-transcript-closed-captions-update BEACONWe’re excited to bring you even MORE with a Beacon membership! Start your 7-day free trial today at https://beacon.tv/join and get unparalleled access to the shows you love completely ad-free! You’ll receive NEW Beacon exclusive series, instant access to VODs & podcasts, live event pre-sales, merch discounts, & a private Discord. YOUTUBE MEMBERS / TWITCH SUBSCRIBERSTwitch Subscribers and YouTube Members gain instant access to VODs of our shows, moderated live chats, and custom emojis & badges:https://www.youtube.com/criticalrole/joinhttps://www.twitch.tv/criticalrole   Due to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode.Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources, in case it’s useful: http://bit.ly/PsycomResources

Hey there, Critter Podcast listeners. We have a special new membership service at Beacon.TV, where you can get early access to all new podcast episodes, including Critical Role for the first time ever. Beacon members also get things like live event pre-sales, merch discounts, access to a private community Discord, and new exclusive series like Critical Role Cooldown. Think of it as our digital Critical Role land.

Head on over to Beacon.tv to check it out for yourself and start a 7-day free trial. Thank you so much for your support, for being a podcast listener, and for being a part of our community. Hey there, Critters! We are so excited to share with you our brand new podcast from the world of Exandria. To be continued... take as the most notorious monster hunting group in the realm. But when previously slain creatures start returning from the grave, it's up to six misfit mercenaries to band together and re-slay these supernatural threats as the re-slayers take. So come follow along these audio escapades as the

second coolest monster hunters this side of Exandria battle a growing undead army of dangerous creatures. The party is led by a duo of game masters, George Primavera and Nick Williams with the main cast, including Jasmine Bular, Caroline Lux, and Jasmine Shion. Listen to new episodes every Monday, anywhere you stream podcasts or become a beacon member and listen to the podcast two weeks early and uninterrupted by ads. Hey there, campers.

It's Game Master Sam Riegel, and welcome to our new miniseries, Wild Mount Wildlings. In this three-part adventure, we're making our way to Exandria's premier sleepaway camp for aspiring adventurers and following the antics of four angsty teen campers and their camp counselors, Beauregard Lionette and Yasha Naidoran. Thank you. your adventures in audio form? Well, the podcast version arrives here on the Critical Role Podcast Network with a one-week delay from the original broadcast. You're listening to Part 1 of this episode right now, and Part 2 will be available this upcoming Tuesday. If you want instant access to podcast content and an ad-free listening experience, check out Beacon and get access to the full audio version

right when it airs at 6 p.m. Pacific on Thursdays. Plus, you can also check out our Beacon-exclusive show, Critical Role Cooldown, and experience the cast's post-show reactions to each episode. Well, that should cover it. Now let's wild out and get this adventure started. Welcome back, campers! It's me, Sam Riegel. I'm joined once again by Alex Lee, Eden Riegel, Liebe Barrere, Brennan Lee Mulligan.

Horrifying. No, it's good. Beautiful, beautiful. This is episode three of the Wild Mount Wildlings. But before we get into tonight's story, some quick camp announcements to get through. So let's throw it to Ashley and Marisha somewhere else in the camp.

Ladies? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, well, while Mount Wowlings is coming to an end today, thank god, our final episode.

It's right now. It's happening right now. Camp friends are for life, I guess. On Monday, April 28th, Sam will be joining Beacon members for a fireside chat and taking questions live from the Beacon Discord. So come join the adventure

over on Beacon.tv. And reminder that next Thursday is the premiere of our two-part underwater epic Thresher. Um... Thresher is the name of it. You won't want to miss this thrilling miniseries. Uh, Ashley, I believe you have some merch to show off.

Oh! I do! And just you wait! It's so neat! What is it? Here it is! I can't wait to see it! What is it?

Yes, I do! Oh, look at that! We have a stunning and deeply powerful new addition to our shops. The Critical Role 10-Yeyear Anniversary Tarot Deck. Ooh! Consult the universe using this gorgeous tarot deck, celebrating 10 years of Critical Role, featuring beautiful depictions of characters

from all three campaigns. Search for answers to long and short-term decisions with 22 full-color character illustrations for the Major Arcana. 16 total... These are actually so beautiful. Look at these color palettes. These have been in development for such a very long time.

They really have. 16 total character illustrations for the Minor Arcana court cards and 40 custom-designed pip cards for each suit. This mystical deck includes a 70 page booklet with an introduction by our very own Taliesin Jaffe. Taliesin Jaffe. A guide for how to read the deck and written descriptions for each card. This divine item owes its creation

to creative directors Matthew Gilbert and Taliesin Jaffe, illustrators James Fenner and Snow Conrad, and graphic design by Matt Paquette and co. Gitchers today and all Critical Role shops. Okay, Sam, now let us come back to the table. Please. Please.

Why, thank you, Counselor Ray and Counselor Johnson. And with all of that, I think we're ready to dive into tonight's episode of A Critical Role. Okay, I'm just going to lightning round this, all right? If someone finds a magical potion, Kestrel, what does it do? It turns them into a baby unicorn. A baby unicorn, great. If someone finds a special weapon, Greta, what kind of weapon is it? A mirror. A mirror.

Eye. Right? No, we don't ask why, we just go with it. Give them self-guilt. Make them self-conscious. But you're not fighting yourself. But aren't we all, Marlo? We're going to encounter two guards. Who are they?

He's a palm tree. He's a palm tree. That's one of the guards. Marlo, his partner. The palm tree's guard partner is a giant coconut. Is a coconut, okay. Penny, do they like each other or hate each other oh I'm gonna say they hate each other okay do they have names the coconut is gonna be the hand of palms. The hand of palms. Because palm tree's your palm.

I love them, I love them. Does anyone have any ideas that they really wanted to get out that they didn't get a chance to? Maximus. I have a potion idea. Sure, what's that? So when you drink the potion, you suddenly become freakishly handsome.

Freakishly handsome. And you get a very high added to your charisma. I love it. So it's a potion of handsomeness or beauty. Oh, I'm almost, yes, I am done. What do you have, sir? dark world. And the area that you fight him in is a dimension of darkness. Yes. Where

everything is, everything is alive, is like moving, but it's only shadow. I love dark world. He turns anything that comes into that dimension, he'll try to turn them into like shadowed guys.

I love it, that's amazing. All right, the last thing I need on this list is, I need the final boss. Max, did you have something? So, this is my main idea. So it's a pan, right? Yeah. It's a pan? Yeah. Okay.

And it has two utensils. It has a fork and a spatula. Uh-huh. Okay, and with the spatula, it can do a broader attack where it can hit multiple people. Uh-huh. And the fork is just more powerful. It can stab at one person. Piercing damage.

How big are you imagining this thing to be? I think maybe 20 feet tall or something? Jeez Louise. Maybe 15 feet? I like it, but if we're fighting this pan monster, what might the battlefield look like? What do you got, Alan? An oven or a griddle?

So like a gigantic oven. A griddle. That everyone's sort of on. Yeah, or a griddle. Okay, oven, yes. How would you get there? Does it have a name? Like is it a person? Does it have a name? Like is it a person?

Does it have like a name for itself? Isn't a pot called a wok? There are, yeah. So I was thinking maybe for a name, it could be wok-a-wok. I love it. Everybody, thank you so much. Kestrel, Greta, Maximus, Alan, Marla, Penny, Ronan.

Thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it. And you'll see all your ideas in the show. Woo-hoo, we're done. Yay. I am not done. Okay. See you.

Wild! Mount! Wildlings! At Wild, Wild, Wildlings We learn adventuring Wizards and warlocks Rangers and scouts In fields and rivers

We go exploring And when it's boring We wild out We are the Wildlings Yes, the Wildlings, yes the Wildlings Getting in trouble every day No we're not troublings, we are the Wildlings And we don't give a what you say

Wild out! And we're back! Hi. Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi. While most of the Wildemount Wildlings were off celebrating their ascension in rank, the four members of the Olga Cabin were trying to earn some last-minute merit badges. That is, until guest counselors Yasha and Beau were pignapped by a bizarre porcine behemoth.

The Olgas banded together and tracked across the campgrounds confronting a surreal and childlike assortment of challenges, negotiating with Mishi the curfew creature, navigating a maze of yums, even fitting two friendly land sharks for hats. But now, disaster. Jessop and Kai have been knocked unconscious by a sonic scream, and the Olgas have dropped

into a dark tunnel underneath the camp. Curfew is in one hour, campers. You've gotten wild, but can you get out? Let's find out. Jessop, you have collapsed to the floor, your skin now somehow turning a third shade of blue, this one more pale and sickly because you are dying. Kai, you fall beside her, lifeless, unmoving,

still very handsome. Oh my god. Somehow more handsome? Yes. Your dagger falls from your limp hand. No! Padmond and Skye, you find yourself in this long, dark tunnel,

or at least that's how you remember it being, because as the trapdoor shuts above you, you're plunged into pitch darkness. Can either of you see in the dark? I can't see a bloody thing! Wait, I have to consult my features. I have no ability. I, my friend, they've collapsed,

and I can't even think straight. I don't know what to do. What have I done? What have I done? I should have just used my strength. Why did I use all those spells? Before you do anything, both of you, let's go ahead and roll a death saving throw. Roll a d20 and tell me what you get.

Oh, 18. 18, that's a success, so mark off a success on your... Yes! It was almost an 11, but it's a nine. No! Okay, that is a fail. You failed one death save. Your body just sort of twitches.

You're not dead, you're not dead! I change, return into a slightly paler blue. Yes, it's a fourth shade of blue. Ah! I moan out in my sleep. Ah! I will look and see, I'll look at Sky and go, do you have any torches or candles?

I didn't pack any, but I do have grease. You're very useful. I wait. I can cast grease. Do you have any kind of a flint? And then we can make light. I am going to... Do you not have darkvision?

I do not have darkvision. There's only one person here who does. I am going to take out... I'm going to... We don't have a torch. I can use Prestige Station to light a light source. Yes, you sure can. But it can't produce light on its own.

So I reach in my bag and take my entire work of my card game. No! My manuscript. We got to save him. And I'm going to light my manuscript on fire to make enough light for us to get potions to these two. Wow, that was beautiful. The firelight flickers dimly, but it is definitely enough light to see.

I don't remember who has which potion, but there are two potions floating out there somewhere. Yes. We have them right here. We have potion of healing and potion of greater healing. Of greater healing. Okay. So. We have them right here. We have Potion of Healing and Potion of Greater Healing. Of Greater Healing. Okay. So. Do we want to save one? Or do we use Ma?

I think we got to use Ma. Can we do doses? Can we do sips? Can we do little sippies? No, I don't think that's a matter. Down the hatch, bottoms up. But the moment of hesitation has come and gone. Roll another de death saving throw. If Lita rolls a nat one, a kid's going to die on stream!

Oh god, I hope that doesn't happen! It's a seven. Seven. It's another one. What the hell? I got an eight. Okay, two fails. One fail over here. Down the hatch! I see the save save!

I'm going to go for Jessup and just do the greater healing because you got the two failed death staves. Go for it. Greater healing, what do you roll? 44? 44 plus four. So I'll let you do it, Jessup. Roll that pyramid-shaped dice four times and add them all up because that's how much healing

you're going to get. Okay. Three. That's good. One. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Two. That's good. All you, okay. One. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Two. That's good already. Six.

One. Seven plus four is 11. Yep, you did math. What's your maximum hit points? Seven. So you're back to seven. You're fully healed. You're fully healed. I'm fully healed, I'm back! Oh my gosh!

I'm back! Oh! And I, a syrupy, sickly sweet potion is poured down your throat. Go ahead and roll, what is this, 2d4? 2d4 plus two. So that's the little pyramid. Okay. When?

Four. Well, that's it, just two. So five plus two, seven? That's seven, so you're back up to seven. Oh, that's it, just two. Five plus two, seven? That's seven, so you're back up to seven. Oh, okay. Okay, you're both alive, you come back to life. Oh, thank god. Wow, my skin is still that second blue.

What's that smell? Something's burning. I had to be able to find the potions of healing in our inventories. I burnt Mysterium. No! I'm so moved, Padmin, thank you so much. How is that?

What's the point in making a game about heroism and acts of incredible sorcery if you're not willing to do it in real life? Also, I've been considering a page one rewrite. There's some rules changes. Hey, it's okay. We can draw the art from scratch, too. Yeah, it's actually fun,

because I actually like making it more than having it be finished. I still think you made the ultimate sacrifice for your friends, and I admire you for it. Thank you, Padmin. It's an honor to wild out with you guys. Padménd, you're a goddamn hero. Stop it!

I'm crying even darker blue tears. Oh, everyone's crying. Please stop. This outpouring of emotion is more than I could possibly process. Also, you guys notice that the clump of papers and manuscript, it's starting to burn down. This is not a torch.

It's going to burn out pretty soon. That's okay. I have a light spell. Oh. I. Yes, she does. Have a hooded lantern. Both are good. Would you like to use your light spell

or are you going to rely on the lantern? Up to you. It's a cantrip, so I can use it as much as I want, right? Yes, you can, yeah. Double the light source, right? Are you stressed out right now, or are you back to normal, you think? I think that this new life

has given me a wave of confidence. Great, so you can cast light. I believe the light spell, it's sort of like an E.T. spell. You can put a source of light wherever you want, on a fingertip, on a nose tip, on a piece of gear that you're holding. Where does the light emanate from? I'm going to have it come out of my good old monocle.

Nice, like a flashlight coming out of your face. Yeah. Awesome. Okay, between the eye flashlight and the hooded lantern, you can see plenty down here. The four of you are up again, a team reunited, and a long, winding tunnel stretches before you. You notice its walls are cracked, covered in a yellow, skin-like paper

that reminds you of old people's living rooms, and that faint sound of sizzling bacon in the far distance. The hallway stretches ahead of you, just in one direction. Would you like to go down? Are you going to flee? What are you going to do? Well, we've come this far. Might as well, just in one direction. Would you like to go down? Are you going to flee? What are you going to do? Well, we've come this far. Might as well, right?

I agree. Further in. Yeah. And you've just seen death, so I trust you even more. I don't know what I saw. It was very confusing, but I'm glad I'm not there anymore. As you step down the hallway and start, you notice some things are crunching under your feet.

There's some wood, but also pieces of broken glass and just a mess is beneath your feet. Why don't you guys make a perception check to see what is scattered around the trash down here. Natural one. Okay. A five. Nat 20, baby. Whoa!

18. Padmend, you got a little glass in your foot, so you're distracted by that. I have one hit point, so I'm going to- It doesn't cause any damage. It's just like, oh, ow! Ouch. I tell ya.

I tend to respectfully bow out of most physical activities at the camp. So today has been a whopper. Let me tell you that. Liebe, what did you roll again? 18. 18, okay. So the two of you, Sky and Jessop, you notice a few things on the ground.

It's various vials and potions have been strewn about, mostly broken. They probably fell down when whatever it was that sort of tore through the enchant shed barreled down here. Most of it is broken, but if you pick through some of the items down there, you realize that there are some intact items down here.

You find various things. Because you rolled so high, you get that. And because you rolled so high, you get this. You also get... Fuck it, you get all these. Yeah! I love when a DM says fuck it. I absolutely love a fuck it from behind the screen.

I look over, I'm like, what did you just get? What is that? I got the potion of Riz. The potion of what? You don't need it, you've got enough. The potion of Riz? It gives you plus five to all charisma checks for one whole mini-moose. That's hilarious. And I got a potion of risk? It gives you plus five to all charisma checks for one whole minute.

Whoa, that's hilarious. And I got a potion of greater healing. You should probably... Wait, did you get it? Should I read it? Probably what? Azor. They're labeled because this is from the intention. We should probably give that greater healing potion to Padméndar.

It seems like he might need it. He might need it. There's one thing I've learned from our previous misadventure is that if you have a healing potion, drink it immediately. Drink it right away, he did. Do not hesitate. Very well. He mentioned to me blood is pouring down Padme's face right now. Given a choice, I'd actually quite like

to sample the potion of charisma, but I will take a healing potion if that is what's being offered. I have a second one, so we could give one to him. Another potion of charisma? No, unfortunately not. Okay, I'm sure. Well.

Would the potion of charisma make the potion of healing stronger, perhaps? I would have to assume so, and I don't say that just because I really want it. We could give him either of those, or the potion of baby unicorn. I mean, when are we gonna need it? Just drink all the potions.

What's that, Libra? The potion of baby unicorn. This potion will turn you into a baby unicorn for one minute. So if we want to try that one instead. Maybe we should hold onto that one. Maybe that will come in handy. No, you're right. That seems like we might need to be cheered up later.

I just got excited by the options. I think it would be a gas to turn you into a unicorn for a second. That would be very funny. Padmin, drink this potion. Which one? I'd like to give this to you. Perfect.

Especially because of the great sacrifice you made for all of us. Well, I gladly accept because my head is profusely bleeding. Four. Three, I'm back. No need to keep rolling. Awesome. I get halfway through and I'm like,

ooh, I'm healed already. I am not tough under the best of circumstances. Right. Feeling better, I take it. You guys walk down this long, winding hallway. As you walk down the hallway, there's no light other than the light source that you are providing, but it is

sort of getting warmer as you go deeper and deeper and deeper into the hall. It's not like brutal. It's just hot. It's a little bit hot and muggy. Finally, at the end of this long hallway, you come to two identical doors. Both doors are plain wooden doors. On the large side of doors, they're both painted white and they have tiny, small signs on them that read WW and DW. What door would you like to try? Don't worry and where we worry. I'm leaning towards don't worry here, guys,

but I don't know about you. But are we sure that's what they mean? Were we, were we? Do we have, what would we say, like 20 minutes? I mean, there's an hour until curfew, so it would be burning through a lot of time. It would be burning through a lot of time, but I could try to identify the doors

or cast Copperhead languages to see what these acronyms say. I was just going to say, I think you should bring Archibald back and send him through one of the doors. Now, that's a fascinating idea. We have an hour left, so maybe burning a quick 30 minutes to cast a virtual weapon. You know what? For me, personally, we've been through a lot. I think we deserve a little 30 minute break. We could just try one of the doors. I entered this adventure very scared of everything, but given my brush with death and watching him bleed

from his head that much, I think it might be worth the risk. Yeah. Had the opposite effect on me. I'm horrified. Yeah. That's character growth and character shrinkage. I'll say, yeah, if we feel that time is of the essence, then perhaps we simply press on. If one of these doors is certain doom

and the other one is the path we seek, then it's an even coin flip that we get it right and we find the path we seek and not have wasted a half hour. Well, I've cast my vote on which door. I'll leave it up to you three. Which one do you want? You want Don't Worry?

Don't Worry. Okay, great. Given that I have no other clues to go off of, I'm compelled to agree. Okay, fantastic. Two votes for Don't Worry. It was too traumatizing to see two of my friends briefly die, and I feel that we should do

a little reconnaissance of some kind before going through doors. Can we possibly touch the doors and see if one of them's hot? I was taught that in our life-saving class, you know? You should touch the doors to see if there's fire on the other side. Sure, go ahead.

I roll a perception check to see how your hands feel. 16? 16 is great. Yeah. Neither door is hot, per se. Like I said, it's not sweltering down here. It's just sort of warm. But there is, hot, per se. Like I said, it's not sweltering down here. It's just sort of warm.

But there is one of the doors, the DW door has a little bit of a hum to it. It's my mom! Aw, our mom. My favorite in your world. I love it. I love it. A slight hum. A slight hum behind DW. Well, we have two votes for DW.

We have one vote for additional reconnaissance. And by heart of hearts, Skye, I agree with you, and I think I should be allowed to cast spells for 30 minutes to try to entertain. But if I vote with you, then we were at a tie and that would create an impasse. So DW it is, and I'm going to just reach and open DW. Okay, the door is not locked and it opens.

The door opens, revealing an endless dimension of rot and madness, where shadow people writhe and hollow out their own eyes, whispering secrets that begin to twist your mind. This is like what I saw just a couple minutes ago. Faces locked in eternal screams float through the gloom, vanishing as if reality is ashamed of itself. Looming above is a monstrous creature,

enormous, of necrotic limbs and viscera, its ghostly maw devouring sanity itself. Maybe it's Nynas? I'm going to close the door. I think they're on the door. Don't worry, that is actually not correct. That's not the door we want. Maybe it stood for do worry.

We cannot consider that possibility. Maybe it was upside down and the other one stands for mommy. Yeah, absolutely. I will, after this adventure concludes, be pursuing vigorous legal action against this camp. Absolutely. I'll never be the same.

Okay, WW! I'm going to open the other door. The other door, also unlocked, it opens to a cozy waiting room like a dentist's office. There's a cute little sofa, there's some magazines, there's a pitcher of water, there's an attendant at a desk with a sign-in sheet. Are you going to smash the attendant

like you did the businessman? Well, an attendant is a helpful receptionist, whereas that businessman absolutely had it coming from the word go. Also context, environment. Yeah, for sure. There are two creatures sitting in some of the chairs waiting. One is a tall, skinny, the color of tree bark

with wild green mop of hair that flops to the sides. Sort of looks like a palm tree. The other is a short, squat, darker gentleman covered with a thin layer of stringy fur. His shape reminds you of a coconut. And they're just sitting around. The taller one says, Oh, hey, you guys here to see Wok Wok?

Us too, I'm next. The smaller gentleman says, What are you talking about? I'm next. I've been here longer. You, you lost your place in the line when you left. I had to use the bathroom, that doesn't count. They're arguing with each other. That's what's going on.

We are Wok Wok's assistants, actually. Okay. We are here on an internship and we need to go discuss important business with him before the time is up. The attendant pipes up. She's an older goblin woman with a beehive haircut. She pipes up and says, Excuse me, you're what?

Wakwak's assistant? Yes, we are on an internship. We're all his assistants. I'm his assistant. I'm here to... I'm his assistant. This is uncomfortable. Yeah. Can I make an investigation check

to see if this is an illusory as well? Sure. Go ahead and roll for investigation or arcana. 19. Yeah. So, I mean, yes, everything you've seen today that you've peered at for a long time, it has this sort of faint warping effect on everything. It's not that it's 100% illusory.

It's just, it seems to either not be of this dimension or not be of this particular piece of space-time. It's almost like you're in some sort of strange pocket dimension that doesn't exist in the camp or exists in an ether space, like the Upside Down. Does it feel like another, does it feel like this other dimension has been abrogated or that this is a legitimate other realm,

like the Feywild or something like that? There is, because you've rolled so high and because you're such a knowledgeable wizard. Nothing today has really felt stable. Everything is in a state of flux. It springs forth, it fades away. Even when something feels solid, it's sort of moving a little bit.

And this place is no different. This is not a permanent dimension, as far as you can tell, but it is an otherworldly place or space that has been at least temporarily constructed. Gotcha. I'll look at my friends and be like, you're a Wok Wok's assistant? Yes, I am. Well, no, you're not, because Wok Wok's not real,

and neither are you. I simply can't be bothered. I simply can't, I can't be troubled. I can't be troubled with this. I can't hear any more about WalkWalk, or who's late for a meeting, or Sonic screams. I can't hear about any of it. It's not real, okay?

Well, then you're going to the bottom of the waiting list. Fantastic, all right. I will just try to peer around for any sign of Gub-Gub. Okay, great. Roll a different investigation check. Any of you guys want to do anything else in the meantime?

Is there a bathroom in there? You can ask, for sure. 19 again. 19 again. Okay, you- Do we know? No, no, as you investigate around, there's not much in the room. It's a waiting room. You do come across some of the magazines that are on the coffee table, including the Whitestone Whisperer, which is a scandalous gossip rag. You also come across Tusk Love Weekly, which is a spicy companion to the infamous romance novel Tusk Love, offering relationship advice and steamy fiction.

You don't see any obvious signs or evidence of Gub-Gub. However, you do smell that sort of bacon-y smell and a sizzling scent of bacon coming from the far door in the room, and it's pretty hot in here. That's your only connection that you can glean. I think we need to kill everybody in here. I think, can I use my Boots of Elvenkind? Yes.

And to sneak away from the group and go toward the door to do some... Sure. I mean, it's a waiting room that's not terribly big, so you'd be walking past other people. Is there something you want to do to distract? You've mentioned this to me, and I'm going to cast a minor illusion

to distract everybody in the room. It is going to be a small child who has looked up and all their teeth are bleeding because they've fallen. That's horrifying. Why don't you flip a coin to see if your strong, meaty fingers can conjure this spell. It's heads. You're amazing. It's heads.

This child, this image of a child floats to life in the middle of the room and everyone's a bit taken aback by it. The two gentlemen sitting in the chairs, boy, one of them, the taller gentleman, who looks like a palm tree, this guy, he doesn't seem to,

he can't be bothered. He just says, Well, I'm not giving up my spot in line. And he just sits there, planting himself. This gentleman, the coconut-looking gentleman, he gets up and goes over to the child and tries to give aid. Oh, can I help you?

This kid looks like he's in a lot of pain here. Maybe this kid should go in first. So he's distracted, but the palm tree guy is not. But you can feel free to try to sneak by. I think I can sneak by. Okay. Actually, you know what? Let me roll for the assistant here.

She's filing her nails. She looks down, she says, Oh gosh, that poor kid. She's not terribly bothered, but she's also not watching your every move. Okay. So all these do is give me silence, but I'm still completely visible, yes?

You are completely visible, yes. But it's still a stealth check. It's still advantage on a stealth check. It is. It's true. Guys, we're at arms, so it's the three of us standing, arm by arm. We're both very heavy. What if I? That's right.

You know what, roll a perception check. Okay. 15 plus... 17. Okay. The one thing that you notice about this room as opposed to the hallway is the furniture, the decor, it's very drab. It's very boring, I should say.

Not drab, it's boring. But the walls, the walls are painted blue. Maybe it's not the identical shade the walls are painted blue. Maybe it's not the identical shade that you are, but it is a shade of blue. If only I hadn't changed that first time, I would have been the exact same color as the walls. Yes. That's it.

I'm going to look at you and say, I believe in you. I think if you think you can sneak in there, I think you can. And if you don't, I'm going to take my quarterstaff and bash all these illusions apart because they're not real people. That's what I was saying.

Just absolutely smash them to hell. Yeah. Can I... Can I put them in my... I have a... Put who in? Them, the three of them. Oh, okay.

In my coat thing that I'm wearing. See, this is why I love her. To disguise them. To bring my friends with me. So you're going to try to wrap all of your friends. Yep. Like... Since I'm the only one that's the same color as the walls. Okay. Yeah.

Like three children in a trench coat. Like three children in a trench coat. But I'm tall enough that... Before you do that, can I'm tall enough that. Before you do that, can I do a perception check to see if there's a picture around of this walkway? Sure, you can look at the walls, sure.

Just roll a perception check. 20. Okay, there's... It's a natural 20? It's a nat 20, and then plus perception is 22. Incredible. You see on the wall, there is a diploma that says, Walk, Walk the Pan Man.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Walk, Walk the Pan Man. The Pan Man. And next to it is a photograph of a frying pan. A young-looking frying pan, wearing a graduation cap and holding a diploma in his hand. Oh, wow. Can any of you guys,

do you want to stack up together to make a big adult and then cast an illusion spell to look like a pan? I got my disguise kit. We can put a mustache on there, assuming that he's older now. It's crazy enough. At this point, the Coconut Man is a little bit confused that the kid is not talking to him

or really moving at all. No problem. He's just like, yo, kid, kid, I think this kid has a lot of problems because he's not moving already, he's not making a sound. I'm going to look right at him and say, you're not experiencing these emotions.

You are a figment. I refuse. This is like that time we got cornered at that dance at the end of last summer and one of the counselors tried to explain astrology to me. I can't handle it. I'm losing it. I'm getting heated.

He turns to you and is like, I don't know what your problem is, man, but we're all in line here, all right? Just take your seat and wait. I'm going to un He turns to you and is like, I don't know what your problem is, man, but we're all in line here, all right? Just take your seat and wait. I'm going to un-believe you. What? Do you? I got to deal with this guy. He turns over to the assistant.

I don't like the way this guy is treating me. Let's do it this time. And I'm going to jump into the coat. You're going in the coat. Four kids in a trench coat, one of whom is wearing the trench coat normally. While I'm totally visible, my footsteps are silent. By the way, I've grabbed the Tusk Love book.

The magazine, yes. Yeah, the magazine before we left. Tusk Love will be very useful. It looked like it was pretty interesting. Yes, it's very spicy. There's short stories, articles. There's some comedy in there, too. There's some little jokes.

There's a centerfold. It's very nice. Whoa, it's sticky, too. In the waiting room of the Deathclaw? This is a poorly rendered illusion. Liebe slash Jessup, are you just walking straight through with purpose? Are you trying to subterfuge your hide and seek?

I get close to the walls to blend in, so that my color, because I'm the same color as the wall. Sure, roll a stealth check with advantage. Yes. Because of the rules of Dungeons & Dragons. 14. Stealth.

With eight, you can roll a 10. Plus zero, okay, 14. The rules of Dungeons and Dragons. Stealth. With eight, you can really count. Okay, 14 and nine. So 14. 14, okay. The shorter gentleman, the coconut-looking fellow, is really getting into it with the assistant, the attendant there. You got to kick these guys out.

You got to kick these guys out right in there. They're disturbing me, They're bothering me. I'm here to get seen. And she's like, please, I can't control who Walk Walk sees. They're very distracted. They don't see you pass right by. The other guy does, though, the palm tree looking fellow.

He says, excuse me, excuse me, miss. They're getting through. Hey, miss, miss. Marcy, the attendant does turn to see you guys. Right as you get to the door, are you going to try to burst through or are you going to try to do anything? I'm sick of this.

Let's just go for it. Let's cheese it. Let's burst through. Okay, you open the door right as she fires off a spell at you. Let's see. Actually, you know what? Let me look here. Everybody roll a dexterity saving throw.

Two. That was a nine. Dexterity. Three. Who got above 12? I did. 16. Great. I got, 12? I did. 16. Great. I got, looks like, 13.

Great. 10. Okay, and? Three. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. You were carrying three kids. Yeah. I mean. That is regard.

A spout of flame shoots out of her hand at you and singes just two of you. You two both manage to duck out of the way, Kai instinctively moving Padman out of the way, but the two of you take two points of fire damage. Ooh. Ooh. But you do make it through. You do make it through the door

and find yourself in a new space. You find yourself inside a blistering inferno, a large rectangular chamber, the floor glowing red with angry heat. At once, you realize this is a colossal cooktop. The air shimmers and warps from the scorching metal. The smell of charred grease stings your nose. Meals in various stages of cooking litter the floor.

Bacon, eggs, hash browns, pancakes, many of which have feet, hands, eyes, as if they were once alive, but no longer. At one end of the room stands a large pan man, a hulking monstrosity of blackened iron holding an imposing spatula in one hand and a razor-sharp grilling fork in the other. Skye and Jessop,

you instantly recognize Gub-Gub the Flying Pig. However, he looks much more succulent before because he is dead and currently being fried atop one of the cooktop surfaces by this pan creature. And what's that? Across the chamber, you notice a door has just opened and two other figures, barely visible

through the smoking grease, step through. It is Beau and Yasha. Yes! They have just entered the chamber through a door opposite yours. Let me show you what this all looks like while Ashley and Marisha please step on back up. Yeah!

Should we scoot our chairs down? Yes, please. Scoot back. Should we scoot your chairs down? Yes, please. Oh, she got your back. Cara! Your back! Oh my god! You did it. Oh my god! Oh!

Whoa! Oh, thank you, Cara. No! That's insane. That's amazing. That's so cool. Where's my pan man? Awesome, truly awesome. Hey, pals! You're back!

We're back! It's been so disturbing. We've been through a lot. We've been through quite a lot. You guys have all entered right about cha. Oh god, oh god, it's so hard to do this. I don't know how Matt does this. You guys have all entered right about cha. Oh god, oh god, it's so hard to do this. I don't know how Matt does this. Brennan, it's easy for you.

Here, you see before you, Walk-Walk the Pan Man. Whoa! Look at him! He's terrifying! Look at his bachelors! His eyes behind his mouth. Yes. Horrifying. Oh my god. Look at his little cap. Beau and Yasha have just emerged over here

and are taking this sight in along with the others. This is the first time you've ever seen anything like this. The pan creature notices both parties and bellows at the top of his iron lungs. Ah, the campers! Here to whisk everything for a merit badge. Well, no worries. I'll make this over easy.

That's my favorite type of egg. Everybody, let's go ahead and roll for initiative oh my goodness yes and just see what happens that's a wrap for part one of this podcast episode part two is heading your way this upcoming Tuesday at 5 a.m pacific and we'll pick up this adventure right where we left off until next time we'll be back at Camp Wildemount before you know it.